The Local News 394 by The Local News

8th November 2018

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K E E

‫בס”ד‬

3 WES W RI E N SE

INSIGHTS INTO CONTEMPORARY CHOSHEN MISHPOT ISSUES Monday 12th November at 8pm

The Importance of Writing a Halachic Will

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Monday 19th November at 8pm

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8th November 2018

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I N T E RV I EW

Bayis sheli

FROM THE GROUND UP by: C.S.Teitelbaum

Bayis Sheli did not happen overnight. In fact, it took ten long years to build it from the ground up. This week, we interview two of the people who have been involved in Bayis Sheli since the first day: Mrs Leah Stern, whose brainchild Bayis Sheli was. She is a trustee of Bayis Sheli & Mr Yanki Sorotzkin, chairperson of Bayis Sheli.

Q&A with Mrs Stern: What planted the idea for a local residential respite home? Eighteen years ago, my fourth child Yitti was born. She was born without oxygen and then she contracted meningitis in hospital. The combination left her unable to see, hear, walk or talk. Besides her disabilities, she had lots of medical problems, so it was very difficult to look after her at home.

issues while caring for a newborn, so the social services tried to help us find a foster home. They advertised in all the newspapers, but no one was suitable for a child with so many needs. So I had to do the most heartwrenching thing; I sent her to a family in Eretz Yisroel. Still, I longed for a home locally but it was nothing more than an idea.

When did that idea gain momentum?

She was getting good care with her foster family but I was still desperate to bring her back. I was travelling loads to visit her, with many weeks of me being in Eretz Yisroel all week and just coming home for Shabbos. It was a most Did she live at home at all? trying period, splitting myself in two. I kept Yes, until she was two-and-a-half. Then I had questioning who I was supposed to be with; Yitty a new baby and I couldn’t possibly juggle her or my other children. It was so hard, physically A COMMUNITY 40 TEXT MAASER TO 07800 006 913 to use the Federation ‫ מעשר‬coin SERVICE OF THE

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Bayis Sheli a home away from home

and emotionally, that I decided I have to open a residential home locally.

and said, ‘Mummy’s here’. She opened her eyes.

How did you first go about it?

The ensuing hospitalisation was a long, difficult period, with me going back to London only for Shabbos. It was draining and I felt torn.

Meanwhile, how was your daughter progressing in Eretz Yisroel? Things weren’t great. When she was about eight, I had a vivid dream where Yitty – who couldn’t walk - was walking a few steps towards me and calling out, ‘Why can’t my mummy be with me like other mummies?’ It was chilling. I woke up in a cold sweat. It was so real that the next day I was out with my mother and sisters and I told them about it. Uncannily, as soon as I came home my husband greeted me with the news that he had gotten a call from Eretz Yisroel that Yitty had collapsed and she was unconscious in hospital. I took the next flight and went straight to Tel Hashomer Hospital. It was terrible to see her in that state. I kissed her

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Was the family she lived by doing a good job? They tried their best, but they themselves needed respite as she had such demanding needs, so they would leave Yitty by another family for a few weeks at a time. One Sukkos, while Yitty was staying at the substitute family, my family went to Eretz Yisroel. On Erev Sukkos, I went to visit her. The father of the house told me that she was very easy to care for, accept for the feeding and medicating. I found her lying on a bed, completely non-responsive to my name, as if I hadn’t even come. Normally, she wouldn’t sleep all night from excitement about my visit and when I’d arrive she would squeeze my hand tight at hearing my voice. It didn’t look good. That night, on Yom Tov, I went to shul and I met Yitty’s teacher. She mentioned that Yitty hadn’t come to school lately. Suddenly, it all clicked. This new family were simply leaving her 41 SHAILATEXT 07403 939 613

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I approached two other mothers of special needs children, Mrs Sophie Bernstein and Mrs Tzirele Gluck, who wanted the respite part of such a residential home, and together we formed a very determined committee that committed to make it happen.

The staff were in shock.

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Issue 394

Q&A with Mr Yanki Sorotzkin: It must be a huge job to run Bayis Sheli. Tell us about the challenges the committee face. Being a children’s care home we are regulated by Ofsted, who are very prescriptive and stringent in how such a place is run, down to the most minute details. It’s not equivalent to anything else we’re familiar with. This ranges from how we record everything, number of staffing, type of qualifications they require and amount of training.

Does Ofsted carry out inspections, as they do in schools? Sure. We just had one recently and we were rated ‘Good’ which was very pleasing considering what it takes to achieve that. It’s different to the chinuch confrontations our schools face from Ofsted, as we don’t provide education, but the type of governance expected from our institution is, in a way, tougher. A school may have one inspection a year or every few years and if they’re okay, they okay. Bayis Sheli has to have an external inspection every month and each report goes to Ofsted.

So the difficulty is to maintain your high-quality care? The care is b’’H in place. The difficulty is that all these regulations and demands, such as high-staff ratio, makes it very expensive to put a child by us.

in bed all day, as indeed it was no easy feat to dress and transport her to school, especially as they had no lift in their building. So the only two things they did for her was food and medication. That realization broke me.

Local authorities, who are the main funders of the children, try to put every obstacle possible before parents so they should not place their child. They want them to keep their child home, whether or not it’s practical; for them, it’s the cheapest option. We have to support parents in their struggle to secure funding but we are limited in our power.

Talking about staff-ratio, do you employ Yiddishe staff? We would love to but we realise that such a workplace, with its laborious and demanding work around-the-clock and on Shabbos and Yom Tov, is not suitable for people in the kehillah. People want to be home on Shabbosim. And Yom Tov, when demand always peaks, is a time the staff would certainly want to have time off. So while it’s a far-off expectation to get Yiddishe staff, we would at least love to have more volunteers from the community, for an hour here and there or to visit on Shabbos. These things set the Yiddishe atmosphere.

Is it an enjoyable place to work? Sure, the staff feel very fulfilled to watch how children come in and flourish in the spacious and multi-sensory facilities. We also have members of the public making use of facilities like the soft-play area and the hydrotherapy pool, to help children and elderly with certain ailments.

literally pushed our way inside and sure enough, my beloved daughter was lying in the exact same position as the day before, same clothes, hair in a mess. I don’t even think they moved her in the bed, which could have led to bedsores. Toby and I literally picked her up, with some pretext What did you do about it? that we’re taking her out and we shared her heavy weight down the flights of stairs and never The next day I went back unannounced with returned. She went back to that first family, but my aunty Mrs Toby Walzer, who was also there by then I knew that, no matter what, we have to that Sukkos. A teenaged girl opened the door speed up the building of Bayis Sheli. Yitty just had but didn’t let us in, saying her mother wasn’t A COMMUNITY 42 and would be upset if we TEXT TOWe 07800 006 913 tohome! use the Federation ‫ מעשר‬coin SERVICE home sawMAASER the mess. to come OF THE

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So Yitty never did come home. How did it feel that you invested your heart and soul and you didn’t enjoy the fruits of your labour? I know that Bayis Sheli was Yitty’s tachlis. I have no regrets. It is very rewarding for me to see parents not having to send away their children, as I had to, or struggling with their children at home. It’s also nice that whenever I enter the building I see Yitty’s picture smiling up at me. It bears a place of pride opposite the reception area, with an apt title, ‘The little girl behind Bayis Sheli’.

Nice! Talking about the location, it is indeed an amazing locale. How did you land the plot? It was a huge siyatta dishmaya. This plot was behind my parent’s garden. The owners, a DO YOU HAVE SHAILA? on ASK THE couple, lived on aAproperty the sitefederation and many

developers tried buying it from them but they declined any interest. Still, Sophie, Tzirele and myself decided to give it a shot. It ticked all the boxes; it was local, it was secluded and it was surrounded by houses, which made it safe for our children. We knocked on the owner’s door one day and his wife, who answered, heard our offer and seemed touched. She scheduled a meeting between us and her husband and b’’H it went successful. It was clear to us that this land was created years before just to house Bayis Sheli!

Sounds like it took off with success, though I am sure you had your fair share of dead ends. We had loads of hiccups but it was never a matter of us giving up our dream. We knew that the more virtuous a mission, the more effort the Yetzer Hora exerts to stop it from materialising. Nothing could stop us.

How did the kehilla generally come forward?

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Hashem had other plans, and Yitty was niftar six months before Bayis Sheli opened its doors.

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Eretz Yisroel the only place where my daughter really thrived was in a hydrotherapy pool. Sadly, she hardly ever got there as without a mother to get her to the front of the queue, she always remained at the back. I wanted the Bayis Sheli children to have that amazing facility, and on the premises, as someone like my daughter caught pneumonia very quickly and coming and going to a pool off the premises would have made her ill. But digging a basement for such a pool added a huge amount to the already enormous budget. Mr Leo Noe, who has been a tremendous support from the first day, recognised its importance and gave us the confidence we needed to take the plunge. It is now very popular even amongst the public.

Can you share a moment of hashgacha that you experienced? The acquisition of the land was probably the biggest example, and there were many more. A little one that comes to mind happened when the building was still a building site and I was taking a potential donor around to see what we were doing. At the last minute, I was uncomfortable going alone and decided to ask Mr Yossi Schleider to come along. At the top floor, the door banged shut and left us locked out outside on the third floor. There was no one in the vicinity. We found a fire escape to descend to the second floor below us and there we peered over to see how we could get down. Suddenly, this philanthropist fell over and plummeted down to the ground two flights below. The next thing

I knew he was lying unmoving below us. I was hysterical and screamed, ‘Are you okay, answer me!’ I was so shaky from fear that I couldn’t even dial Hatzola but my screams attracted onlookers and they called. No sooner, I noticed Mr Schleider down below, administering first aid. (He was an Hatzola member.) First, I thought he jumped down. Then I turned around and saw that someone had opened the door; I had been too overwhelmed to notice. Turns out our guest visitor was unconscious and he required serious hospitalization, but I found it great hashgacha that I called Mr Schleider to join us at the last minute.

How involved are you on a dayto-day basis? As a trustee, I am involved in all different aspects of the home. I also want to take this opportunity to thank Yanki and Chavi Sorotzkin who have given of their heart and soul to Bayis Sheli.

May the koach you invest for other children be an aliyas neshama for your daughter Yitty a’’h.

Bayis Sheli a home away from home

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DARK TAPESTRY by Ruthie Pearlman

Chapter Three cont.

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firmly. “He knows about safety, and he’s not a toddler anymore that we need to put up bars on the windows. And it is exactly because he’s a sensible boy that we do As Colin helped the Hardmans fill in the lengthy missing not for one minute imagine that he has gone off willingly persons form, his cynicism disappeared. This was an without telling us.” only child, much loved and much wanted. Colin hmmed. Joe, meanwhile, was engaged in a close Colin finished filling in the form and looked it over. “In examination of the windowsill and surrounding area. cases like these, we have to start from the assumption “Can you work out what he was wearing when he was that the child has gone missing voluntarily,” he said. last seen?” Colin asked. Ilana’s eyes blazed. “But he wouldn’t! He has never gone Ilana looked in drawers and cupboards which Colin anywhere on his own. He’s just a baby!” obligingly opened with a pen. “Yes,” Colin said patiently, “but we cannot assume foul “Hard to say, but I don’t see anything missing besides the play unless there is proof of it. Have you checked with his pajamas he wore last night.” school? With his friends to see if he is there?” “What did they look like?” came Joe’s voice from the “I have phoned all the friends I can think of,” Ilana said, window. getting increasingly frustrated with his unwillingness to “Red and black with Batman on the front.” take her seriously. “I didn’t call the school because it Joe was looking at the catch on the window. Out of his hadn’t started when he went missing, so no one would pocket he took a pair of tweezers and a clear plastic have been there.” evidence bag. He tweezed something and bagged it. “All right, then. Let’s take a look at his room.” “Did it rain last night?” he asked no one in particular. They all trooped upstairs. “At this point, we are just “I think I heard it rain about half past three,” Colin said. looking, not touching. I hope nothing has been touched “I was awakened by the patter against my blinds. Didn’t or cleaned up in here. Valuable clues could be destroyed last long, though.” or evidence spoiled.” “There’s mud on the windowsill. Just a bit. Looks like “No, no. As soon as we realized he was missing we told someone’s tried to clean up.” Maria to stop vacuuming. We haven’t done any cleaning “We’ll have to check this. Could be your son was mucking or anything. Then you told us not to touch anything, so about with muddy shoes last night.” we didn’t even go into the room.” “It didn’t rain till half past three, you said,” Ilana protested. “Well, let’s take a look.” “It might’ve earlier, too. I can’t remember. Has to be They stood in the emptiness of Josh’s bedroom, listening checked.” to the absence of a child. The room was not only empty, Maria popped her head round the door. it was like a vacuum, sucking things into itself, a black “Wasn’t me clean up,” she said. “I didn’t touch nothing, hole. Colin shivered involuntarily. not even the washing.” Joe looked at the open window. “This been open all night, “Washing? Was there any in the room?” Colin’s head has it?” came up sharply. These were the first words they had heard him utter, and “He always leave his socks. I always telling him to tidy they all jumped. His voice had a grinding, hoarse quality, up,” Maria informed the policemen. as if someone had run his vocal chords over a cheese “Where’s it now?” grater. “I leave it like you say. ” She looked affronted at this slight “Yes, it was a lovely, warm night, and Josh doesn’t like it on her cleaning abilities. “There.” She pointed to a spot when it’s stuffy.” on the floor by the bed. Joe took a pencil out of his pocket and gently pushed at “Bag it, Joe,” Colin said. Joe took out a larger plastic bag the window. It swung slowly on a hinge. from his capacious pocket and put the socks in, using his Ilana put a hand to her wig distractedly and pushed at pencil and tweezers. it. “I don’t think I left it open so wide. I always leave it “Have you phoned around all your family and friends? fastened on the second hole, in case he might...” Her Anyone to whom Josh might possibly have gone?” voice trailed off. “Well, I didn’t call my family. I didn’t want to...to worry Colin and Joe looked at her. them.” “Mrs. Hardman, with all due respect” — Colin was using “What family do you have, Mrs. Hardman?” a highhanded tone he hated, but he didn’t seem able to “My parents. They still have four unmarried children at stop himself — “this window has no bars. What is to home, and I have a married sister, but she lives in Israel.” prevent a child from falling out?” 57 DO YOU HAVE A SHAILA? ASK THE federation ColinSHAILATEXT 07403 939 613 looked at Don. “He’s a sensible child, Detective Inspector,” Don said “My family are all in the States,” he said. Colin tried to 07403 939 613

8 November 2018 place the twang. He had never been very good at accents. “New York, sir?” “No, my family is from a small middle American town in Iowa. Not a very big Jewish community there.” He grinned. “Not every American Jew comes from New York, Detective.” Colin had the good grace to look sheepish. He cleared his throat and turned to Ilana. “Don’t you think it’s possible your son has gone to his grandmother or some relative?” “Highly unlikely. My mother lives across a busy main road which he knows he isn’t allowed to cross. Anyway, she’d call me and say, ‘Is Josh meant to be here?’ She has such a busy household of her own, and with me having only the one, it’s only fair that she doesn’t quite see why she should have my child there all the time as well. There’s no one really his age there. My youngest sisters are twelve. Girls, of course. Well, sisters are, usually.” A smile crossed her face and lit the ravaged expression for an instant. “Worth crossing off your list, though?” asked Colin. He had seen enough of this before, well-meaning people who didn’t want to trouble their families so they didn’t phone them, and that’s where the missing child had been all the time. Ilana shot Don a panicked look. “They’ll have to know sooner or later,” he said kindly. Silently Ilana handed her husband the cordless phone she had been carrying around with her, just in case her son rang. th

Did the presence of her family around her, silently supportive but unable to offer any tangible hope, make things better or worse? The dashing of that last trace of hope that maybe Josh had been at her mother’s had engulfed her in despair. That, together with her mother’s anguish joined with her own to make one, larger anguish which threatened to swallow the world. They sat downstairs, waiting for Joe to finish up with his steel box, tweezers, pencil, and whatever secrets they held. Sarah Grossberg sat with her arms around her daughter, but after a while Ilana couldn’t bear it, couldn’t bear the closeness, the smothering, and got up. “Anyone for coffee?” “I’ll help you,” said her mother, jumping up. “I’d rather go alone, thanks.” In the kitchen, she leaned her head against the cool of the refrigerator. On any other day, at this time... A glance at the overhead clock. Eleven o’clock. Only eleven? It seemed like forever since she went into Josh’s room and found him gone. She should be busy at work, happily involved in her safe, cocooned little world. How long had he been missing? What time had that dark, secret

someone stealthily removed the future from herIssue life?394 Voices from the living room. “Darling, the forensic man is finished.” Ilana brought mugs of coffee into the living room on a tray, along with a plate of cookies, semblances of normality. “Did you find anything else?” Ilana asked Joe. “Bits and bobs. You know how it is,” Joe said with maddening vagueness. It was obviously an inside thing, nothing he would tell her directly, only Colin when she was safely out of earshot. Colin caught the angry look on Ilana’s face and said reassuringly, “We need to analyze samples back at the lab. We can’t tell here and now if anything is relevant. We bag everything. Nine-tenths of it gets trashed at the end.” “What can I do?” she cried. “I can’t just sit here and do nothing.” “There is very little anyone can do until we know more. I’ll send one of my officers round to the school to speak to his classmates, find out if he had spoken to anyone about leaving home or if he seemed unhappy...” “I’d know if he was,” Ilana broke in, distressed. “Sometimes kids tell their friends things they wouldn’t dream of telling us oldies,” Colin said, lumping his own generation together with Don and Ilana to let them feel he understood. “Meanwhile, does he keep a diary or a notebook, somewhere he might have made notes about his day, what he intended to do, that sort of thing?” Ilana’s face flooded with color. She had no idea if he kept a diary; he had certainly never spoken to her of it. She realized maybe she didn’t know her own son as well as she thought she did. Colin saw her consternation. “Don’t worry. You might look around his room a bit, see if you can find a notebook or diary. But wear surgical gloves, if you have any, or use a pair of tweezers to pick things up with.” “I have some surgical gloves,” Ilana said. “They’re useful for gardening sometimes, when handling seeds and small plants.” “That’s good, then. Use those.” Don looked at Ilana. “We have a computer at home. You can work from here and e-mail the pages in to the office if you like. I’d better go in.” “That’s a good idea,” Ilana said. Perhaps it would take her mind off Josh for a little while. “I’ll be along then,” Colin said. “I’ll be in constant touch, don’t you worry. We won’t rest till we find him.” “Thank you,” said Ilana in a small, dead voice. Then she cried out, as if her effort at containing her despair had just given out, “There must be something else I can do!” “There is,” Colin said, and even as he uttered the words, he had no idea why he was saying them. “You can pray.”

To be continued....

You’re reading Dark Tapestry. Get the rest of Ruthie Pearlman’s gripping thrillers either in your local Judaica store, or check out her website at www.ruthiepearlman.com to link to Amazon. Also two books are in audio book format at www.mostlymusic.com

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