The man, the myth, the legend

Have you been in the presence of greatness?

On Jan. 12, he made his first public appearance. Going by multiple names; such as Jameson Norris, J. Norris and James C. Norris, it’s become apparent that this man is single-handedly the international man of mystery of this century.

Sure he plays the guitar and is an avid cat lover, but don’t allow this façade to deceive you. For all we know, Norris may be the lead guitarist of an infamous rock band, or better yet, a super fresh James Bond-esque resurrection.

We’re giving you an all exclusive interview from the man himself. When asked about his middle initial, Norris responded, “It’s Norris. James Cool Norris.” Given the nature of his response, we asked him some follow up questions.

“I’m not at liberty to say whether I drive ridiculously fast foreign cars or not—but I can tell you this much, my besties address me as Cool, just Cool,” he stated.

Mr. Norris is soooo dapper. Just look at him!

Photo by: Spencer Shay

We then went on to ask him if he was authorized to inform us of his possible prior or even current experience in Britain’s Secret Service. “Britain?? How dare you bombard me with these questions—I don’t even know what is most preposterous. First of all, British people don’t exist, it’s just a publicity stun— wait, cut that part out… that was classified knowledge—why are you still typing this out, I—”

After thoroughly discussing the release of this confidential information, the Boogar Press has decided to not hold back in writing a follow up article regarding the leakage of such unbelievable knowledge as it is of utmost importance for us to inform the people.

Unfortunately, the Bougar Press was unable to receive further answers from Norris as he lunged towards our interviewing team following a rather terrifying series of events. We are utterly shitting bricks that we are on some kind of Norris watchlist now but not even that will stop us from withdrawing our article.