Issue 2: Features Abuse
Love’s Compassion Magazine
Getting To Know Us Mission Statement: Restoring souls, not just through God but also through God’s soldiers, gifted and anointed. Hello, my name is Tashara Gilyard. I am the CEO and Founder of Love’s Compassion Magazine. As a young person growing in Christ I came to learn it’s not always easy to dedicate yourself to this walk of life. There are a number of reasons for this: the fear of the unknown, having to let go of things we believe we enjoy, trust issues caused by past hurt, observing hypocrisy amongst those in the church, feeling like you’re too young… let’s face it the list could go on forever. I came to learn it is very difficult to be busy for God and the enemy at the same time, (“No one can serve two masters, either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other”) sounds familiar? Matthew 6:24. I have made up my mind to be busy for God.
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Love’s Compassion Magazine
We all have gifts and talents of some sort. There are some things we learn and things the Lord just blesses us with for His purpose. My gift from God is words. He has given me the ability to take someone’s life’s journey and bring it to life on paper. I am able to listen to someone’s cries of pain and or joy and pour those feelings into a poem/spoken word piece for another to hear and relate to. With this ability combined with the compassion God has placed in me, He has given me a vision to start a ministry where souls can be restored and hearts can be mended. What better way to do this then by sharing of ourselves for the kingdom of God. There are many that refuse to step foot into a church today for a number of reasons and it’s not always because they don’t believe in God. There has been so much hurt caused in and by the “Church.” People decide they would much rather take their chances in the street getting hurt, rather than going into the church where we are supposed to be able to receive a healing, and instead receive a spiritual homicide. They are often judged, ostracized and made to feel as though they are counted out. I don’t know about you, but if I walk into a hospital, blind, lost and wounded; I would expect assistance, guidance and a great effort of aiding my needs. Anything less would most likely discourage me from ever returning to this hospital or even seeking any assistance from anyone affiliated with it. The vision God has given me is an open line of communication between God’s children, both lost and 2
Love’s Compassion Magazine
“found.” It is time to take back all that the enemy has tried to destroy. It is time to get the beam out our own eye, time to remember we did not come out of our mother’s womb carrying a bible, speaking in tongues and walking upright with Jesus. We too were once dirty, broken, battered, abused and or abusing others. Had it not been for an obedient vessel of God allowing themselves to be used for the glory of God and the building of His kingdom we would still be the mess we were before we began ministering the message to another. This magazine is creating an opportunity to see where the “Church” has gone wrong and rectify the situation. What have we done to discourage God’s children from coming to visit Him in His house? We are creating an opportunity to hear the broken hearts cry out, allowing them to release their pain instead of living a self destructing life. Be an example and share our testimonies. Allow them to see they aren’t in this alone and that our God is still in the business of healing. Provide them with spiritual food so that they no longer have to starve. Provide them with help and prayer to come out of their situation. Reach out to them with non-judgmental arms and embrace them with a warm and open heart. Love them the way God loves us, unconditionally. Remember how you felt the first time God embraced you, wiped your tears, and showed you were loved. Do everything in your power to help them feel that same way. Most importantly this is the opportunity to assist those who don’t have a relationship with their heavenly 3
Love’s Compassion Magazine
father and encourage and teach them how to. God loves us with compassion and now it’s time for us to love our neighbors the same.
Founder/CEO: Tashara Gilyard
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Love’s Compassion Magazine Deanna Story That one wrong decision, although I didn’t know it was wrong at the time, cost me two years of my life that I can never get back. God was there with me, keeping me even when I didn’t know Him like I have come to know Him. I decided to allow this man, let’s call him “Greg”, to give me a ride home one evening after staying late at an aunt’s house. I told him I was just about to head home and he graciously offered to take me. The fact that he was concerned about me being out alone at that late hour, at the time made my head spin. I thought, “Wow, ok someone’s winning some brownie points here.” He had to wait about 5 minutes. I apologized for having him wait because I lost track of time. And almost immediately he went in on how he doesn’t like his time to be wasted, how he doesn’t’t even like having to wait on his mother… I let him drive me home, all the while listening to him go on and on about how his time is not to be wasted. After a while I just tuned out making a note in my mind to lose his number, but it was already too late. He called a few times, the calls all went unanswered. Then one day, about two weeks later, he showed up outside my door. He asked why I wasn’t returning his calls, I told him because I didn’t think we were meant to go any further than we did. His reply, “Still wasting my time, I see I’m gonna have to teach you not to do that. Didn’t I tell you I don’t like nobody wasting my time? So now that you’ve wasted my time, I’m going to waste your time.” If only I knew how true those words were. I had to report to him my every move; when I woke up, when I got to work, when I was leaving work, when I got home, even when I was going to bed. He set specific times these calls had to be made, and if 5
Love’s Compassion Magazine they weren’t, there’d be hell to pay. Sometimes I would slip up and forget to call at an appointed time “You think I’m playing right?” Keep in mind even though I was living through hell, I was to give off the impression that everything between us was peaches and cream. If ever anyone got a hint that something between us was off, enough so as to begin to ask questions, the punishment would be like nothing he had ever before done. He would tell me constantly that I was worth nothing I wanted to cry out to someone, but didn’t know how. I thank God though for my mother, because I know she always prayed for me. When we’d talk on the phone I was sure she could tell that something was off with me, but since we both weren’t the talking type, she’d never come right out and ask me what was wrong. What she would ask me was the question, “Have you found a church yet?” And always my answer was no. Things really began to take a turn for the worst. I started thinking maybe it would be better to just cease to exist. Maybe one day I would do some insignificant thing that would just push him over the edge and make him take my life. He would make statements like no one would miss me. Imagine if you could, living with someone constantly telling you, you were worth less than dirt, you were fat, ugly and unlovable. Having to look yourself in the mirror and repeat all the self-‐deprecating statements that he would feed you, while you were naked and on your knees. Imagine still having to have sexual relations with such a person, knowing that if you didn’t’t perform as was expected you would be hurt in ways unimaginable. I tried everything to turn him off from me. I gained weight, stopped caring how I looked when we went out. When that didn’t’t work, I began starving myself. That didn’t work either. Then something happened…. On my 24th 6
Love’s Compassion Magazine birthday I got a card from my mother as I always did. She signed it like she always did but the sight of it that day was like seeing it for the first time. It struck a chord in me I forgot was there. She had written, “Remember God loves you and so do I”. The force of those words… God loves me, in spite of the situation in which I had found myself, In spite of how I felt about myself. God loved me in spite of everything I had ever done, he didn’t even make it conditional on me loving Him, He just loved me. Seeing those words that day made me go out and find a church. I must say I did enjoy the welcome, I could feel the warmth and love emanating from the members, and I remember thinking “Yes, this is what I need.” I was pleasantly surprised at how much I missed going to church and fellowshipping with other believers. Although I didn’t make the commitment to be baptized, I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was just in such a backsliding position that I didn’t think of myself worthy of being in His presence, further more being forgiven by Him. How could someone like me? I just kept going back Sunday after Sunday. He soon found out I was going to church on a regular basis. He didn’t seem to mind it much at first. The problem with me going arose when he noticed my old confidence re-‐emerging. Then he asked, “So you’re enjoying going to church, huh?” I answered yes. Then he asked, “What would you do if I told you that I didn’t want you going anymore?” I looked at him, panic stricken. When I found my voice, I heard myself say, “I’d still go.” “So you would plain out disrespect me, just disregard what I said and go?” “Yes,” I said with a little too much bravado for his liking. In the blink of an eye I was sent reeling backwards onto my bed. He screamed at me through clenched jaws, “You really think this is a game, that 7
Love’s Compassion Magazine I’m playing with you. All that I’ve been doing, you still want to play games with me and waste my time, right?” He thought that by raping me he would take away my resolve, but he was wrong. The more he did to me, the more earnestly I prayed for a way out. I continued going to church, even started making friends that he didn’t know about. I was very careful to not let anything appear to have changed. I got another cell phone, he didn’t know about, and I slowly and carefully started planning to make my break from him once and for all. I had worked up the nerve to tell someone what I’ve been going through for the last two years. “What are you waiting on to make a report to the police about this?” “You know the next time he decides to go upside your head for whatever reason, in his sick mind, could come up with, may very well be your last?” I knew what he was saying made perfect sense, but I was so deathly afraid to make a move, to take a stand. It just so happen that one was made for me. When I went to make my 9p.m. check in phone call, I discovered I was out of minutes on my prepaid cell phone. When it had sunk in, I was shaking like a leaf. A small voice said to me, “You know if you go back, he’s going to kill you.” He would have to prove to me just how serious he was.” My friend, seeing my anguish, offered me his sofa, saying it was mine to use for as long as I needed it. I stayed that night. The following morning I was still a mess of nerves, not sure what to do next. So I called my employer, not telling her where I was, only that I was safe. She was frantic! Just as I suspected, “Greg” had been by looking for me. What tore me up though was the fact that my grandmother had called her crying, worrying about my where abouts. I called my grandmother, and in a tear-‐filled conversation, told her all that had been going on. There was no 8
Love’s Compassion Magazine turning back now. I decided since the story was already out there, what would it hurt for one more person to know? I called my aunt and filled her in. She dropped whatever it was she was doing and drove to Queens. Before long I was in her car headed to the precinct. After I made the report I felt one hundred pounds lighter. It was decided that I wouldn’t be safe staying in Queens, until after “Greg” was picked up by the police. So back to the city I went to the safety of a sofa. I was going to let go and let God, God had proved Himself faithful. I know now that He was with me from the very beginning, making sure that I would come out of this situation better than I was. I know who I am and whose I am. I am Deanna McNicol, a child of the most High and Living God. I am someone with a divine purpose, and I will spend the rest of my days doing my utmost best to live it out.
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Love’s Compassion Magazine
There are so many different types of abuse, child abuse, drug abuse and sexual abuse and the list goes on. But there is one type of abuse we do not speak of. Abusing God. Abuse is to misuse or to use something for a bad purpose. We as saints, continue to abuse God's goodness and mercy so much that it has become a lifestyle. How many times have we told God “We are so sorry?" We will never do it again Lord! Crying and asking for repentance at the altar, taking the energy out of our Pastors and asking our brother and sisters in Christ to pray for us. As soon as we finish repenting and get up from the floor, we are right back to doing the same things. We abuse the goodness of God by trampling on His mercy and by mocking His love for us. God forgives all confessed sin. HE wipes the slate clean for us. By grace we are saved. In Romans 6:1-‐2 (NIV), “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” The word grace means to get what we don’t deserve. We should not take God’s grace for granted. His grace is not a toy that we play with and throw to the side, when we are finished. Blood was shed for our sins and this is the thanks we give Him. Christians today are just like the people we read about in the Old Testament. Bringing a poor innocent animal for sacrificial offering so our sins would be forgiven and next week I would get another animal and do the same thing all over again. The only difference today is we don't have 10
Love’s Compassion Magazine
an animal to sacrifice because Jesus, The Lamb of God, shed his precious blood for us so we could be saved. God's grace is not just about giving us a second chance, but it’s about transforming us into the individuals God wants us to be. When we allow the grace of God to transform us. We are restored and we are made strong, firm and steadfast. The next time we ask God for forgiveness and thank him for new mercies. Let us ask God to transform us. In my own personal experience I know how hard it can be to not go back to our old ways but we can do through Christ Jesus, who strengthens us. Roslyn Simmons www.lovescompassion.org
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(Continued in Actual Magazine)