Jokes Why did the Mexican push his wife of the cliff? TEQUILA
not for the easily offended
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong!!!
stops at a A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks , drops brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam cheese down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled sandwich!” you could The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal.” ick.” The trucker replies, “Listen Darlin, I ain’t horny. I’m homes Behind every successful ma n is a woman… crouching down so some other bitch can push him over in a comical fashion!!!!
What’s green, yellow, and eats nuts? GONORRHEA! Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.
I met this bloke in the pub the other night. Confident, he challenged me to a game of pool. “If you beat me” he said, “I’ll let you shag either my wife, or my daughter, your choice”. “Fuck off, dad” I said. “Can’t we just play for a pint?” I like going bowling; I always make my name ‘3 Testicles’ on the board. That way the TV occasionally says “Congratulations 3 Testicles! You got a spare.”
September 2010, issue 1
What do you call an Italian wit h a prosthetic foot? ROBERTO
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers aroun d their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot. What do you call bees that ma ke milk? BOOBEES!
Going On At Luke’s
So a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forget the rest of the joke, but your mother’s a whore.
The following quotes may (or may not!) have been overheard by Lukies in and around Exeter…
A
guy chatting up a group of girls out on a legendary timepiece wednesday… guy buys the four girls a drink each… “My Dad’s an absolute legend and my Mum’s seriously good looking, so ladies...what do you think that makes me? a nearby lukie: adopted…
t
wo lukies discussing a girl they both really fancy… lad 1: “i wonder how she likes her eggs in the morning” lad 2: (slight pause)… “unfertilised i expect!!”
A A
lukie checking his bank balance at the cash point...... “£26! Yessss! that means my loans gone in!” certain lukie hockey 1st team captain over heard in wagamamas… ‘You don’t get much bigger than me in the south-west…’
W
elcome to St.Luke’s. Congratulations young fresh on finding your way onto the most stunning of Exeter campuses and welcome to St.Luke’s! I hope you are looking forward to a beautifully epic university career and that you’ll make the most of your time here. Also welcome back all returning Lukies. G.O.A.L (Going On At Luke’s) is the St.Luke’s newspaper and will be published regularly throughout the year, containing upcoming events, Athletic Union announcements, interesting Student Guild bits and pieces, but mostly its banterous paper full of many important matters and such. There are many ‘friendly’ older year students that I’m sure will help you settle into the ways
of a Lukie, but if you are feeling a little lost there are many people here to help you. Have a wander and find the Students’ Guild Info Point in CrossKeys, or look out for your St.Luke’s Officer Angela Law, who’ll be representing and fighting all your needs. During Welcome Week look out for the Team in green t-shirts, they’re there to help you settle in and make sure your
first week here is enjoyable. Or there is myself, I’m Alex Bordoli, the elected sabbatical voice for all campuses. As Vice President Participation & Campuses, I’ll be tackling the broader issues on this campus, such as better transport links, getting better cash machine facilities, representation and organising some of the larger events, like the Summer Ball. Anyways… Have a delightful year.
Disclaimer: This paper applauds controversy, encourages jovial abuse and at times, lacks political correctness. Please take it in the spirit it is intended, it’s just a bit of Lukie fun full of light-hearted banter which will hopefully do nothing but demonstrate why at the end of the day, everyone wants to be a Lukie… enjoy!
GOAL student writer
A
lthough generally pretty hazy, first memories of Freshers Week are fond memories (unless said memories involve trying to stem the flow of a nosebleed with a tampon) and once you have survived Arrivals Weekend its plain sailing, until Wednesday that is, oh and then there’s the first Bop too… Anyway, Welcome Week will provide many memories, both fond and forgettable, hopefully setting up a year as good as the last. As always last year started with the Football and Rugby Varsity matches with both clubs putting on a great spectacle for the first socials of the year. The highlights of these matches are usually provided by the mascots doing their job a little too well; ask an older year what happened with the crocodile. The year continued in the same vein with only the costumes changing. The RAG Safer Sex Ball provides weeks of entertainment: the event itself lasts only a few hours but for some, scanning Facebook for hot photos is a pastime that keeps them occupied well towards the end of term. The theme of ‘Sex Through The Ages’
the Lukie experience
provided plenty of scope to wear as little as possible, exploited by the casts of The Flintstones, Moulin Rouge and 300 who all put in an appearance. However, the guy who turned up in a cardigan and slippers dressed as his granddad had a whole new take on the theme. The Bop on a Saturday night is what us Lukies wait for from the moment our heads clear on a Sunday. Nothing beats an X-Factor or Take Me Out prelash and dressing up in some ridiculous costumes topped off with Hey Jude and a naked quad! On the occasions when Saturday nights were Bopless the evenings were filled with other great entertainment like magicians, live music or, one that particularly sticks in the memory (of all excepts those who took part) was the visit of the hypnotist. A packed Xkeys could barely contain themselves as the hypnotist reduced a grown man to the verge of tears as his (imaginary) pet monkey, Wizard, was eaten before his eyes, and the participants demonstrated Charades-style what their favourite activities were. Needless to say many of those who took part will
be reminded of their actions for years, especially the revelation of one individual that her celebrity fantasy was Bruce Forsyth. The Summer Ball, described by one as ‘a Lukie’s wet dream’ rounded off the year with a bit of class. Only a little bit though. For one night only St. Lukes’ Campus was transformed into a Motown-themed fairground dreamland, where bumper cars were actually bumper cars, candy floss bolt offs were a necessity, and a trip on the spinner provided a lovely new pattern to ones’ clothing. This Pimms-fuelled music marathon began with some casual jazz, followed by a Motown band involving an epic afro wig, continuing with the Bop and mandatory Hey Jude, finishing eventually on the quad with a singalong from our resident guitarists whilst waiting for the survivor’s photo. All in all last year was another great year for Lukies (and a few mongrels too I guess) with plenty more highlights there isn’t space to do justice to: team socials, the Freshers’ Ball, and end of season dinners to name a few. No doubt this year will be full of the same, so enjoy first years.
Lukie This week would be a good time to catch up with a few old friends. Like, The Raddy, The Cliffy, Firehouse and Hole in the Wall. They miss you.
LIBRA
With Mars currently entering Scorpio you may gain a few pounds. Especially if Milky Way, Maltesers, Kit Kat and Galaxy enter Scorpio too.
SAGITTARIUS
They say good things come in threes. The exception to this rule seems to be vodka doubles and twins. You’ll spend this week testing both of these exceptions.
This week your sign is entering Uranus, maybe try sitting on cushions to ease the pain.
AQUARIUS
SCORPIO
CAPRICORN
With the recent interaction between Capricorn and Libra during the full moon phase you will most definitely feel that your horoscope has offered you the square root of nothing.
Apparently Jupiter (the planet of excess) is moving into Pisces this week. It’ll probably take up all available room in the house and fridge and have far more suitcases than are entirely necessary. This week sees Timepiece entering your Wednesday night schedule. Unfortunately this means nothing is entering your Thursday morning schedule.
ARIES
Some exciting news for you Taureans this week. You will meet a tall, dark, handsome strangler. Just be careful he doesn’t choke you.
GEMINI
TAURUS
There may be some cause for concern and irrational fear this week. Just to keep it interesting, you can decide what I’m referring to.
You will willingly enter into situations this week that normally you would be unwilling to be a part of. You will also willingly consume your bodyweight in alcohol, so that may have something to do with it.
LEO
PISCES
CANCER
You may be forced to perform your least favourite activity for your least favourite person this week. Fortunately for you the temperatures in Hell are still around the 5000 degree mark, so there’s actually little chance of it freezing over. This week it may be fun for you to start making up new words and putting them into conversations with friends and learned academics just to see their reaction.
VIRGO
1.
Challenges: 1. Ben Nevis a mainsiter’s room 2. Attend a Bop (and all the other ones thereafter) 3. Write an article for GOAL 4. Do a Naked Quad Run 5. Find the Post-Grad’s Secret Garden without having to ask directions 6. Sleep on the Quad or the Mound 7. Play ‘Bravery Skittles’ on the Mound 8. Make friends with your entire floor 9. Attend a Monday Mosaic, Tuesday Arena, Wednesday ‘AU’ Timepiece, Thursday Arena, Friday ‘Bungalowed’ Timepiece, Saturday Bop and Sunday ‘World Beats’ Timepiece, all in one week 10. Find out who Jaffa, Grayson and Harding are, and try not to wet yourself when you find out 11. Spend a day mooching in the Guild point 12. Get to know your Third years 13. Find the ‘Grad Holiday’ photo in X-keys and learn to idolise those pictured 14. Learn the ‘Sub of the Day’ for each day of the week 15. Order enough Dominoes that they know your name when answering the phone
4.
8.
61 things to do while you’re a Lukie 16. Develop a hatred of the ‘L’ word and the colour purple 17. Find Karl at a formal and ask him ‘When was the last time you smiled?’ 18. Play ‘Drinking Rugby’ in Xkeys during the Six Nations 19. Participate in Challenge Day 20. Visit the Basement for a guided tour from Saf 21. Make survivors photo at summer ball 22. Go to Ottery St. Mary on bonfire night 23. Canvass in the Guild elections 24. Go to the SSB 25. Swim in the outdoor pool 26. Spend a summers afternoon at Canoe to the Double Locks 27. Go to the Impey Beer festival 28. Put an Exeter Sticker in your rear windscreen 29. Rack up a library fine over £10 30. Eat Fish and Chips at the Exmouth Seafront 31. Pull a member of the Guild Exec Sabb team 32. Explore the underground passages 33. Watch a Varsity Match 34. Wake up with a piece of street furniture in your room 35. Do an all-nighter (work) 36. Do an all nighter (drinking) 37. Go on a Rag Raid
38. Buy some stash and wear it going out 39. Speak on Xpression FM 40. Buy a copy of the big issue from an Exeter Tramp 41. Do Coffee at Boston tea Party 42. Shag a fresher when not fresh/ shag a finalist when fresh 43. Eat at Harrys 44. Go on a Dublin/Amsterdam Hitch 45. Have sex in the library 46. Play in the StopAids Dodgeball Tournament 47. Get your picture printed in Exeposé 48. Phone nightline voice 49. See a film at Cinsoc 50. Try your hand at surfing 51. Get on the welcome week team 52. Chat up a chav at Rococcos EX4 53. Walk of shame in horrific fancy dress 54. Work in a Hall/Guild bar 55. Fall asleep in a lecture 56. Join a society and never attend 57. Kebab crawl = Mega + Paradise + Raj + Star + Horn 58. Visit RD&E Hospital 59. Get caught by estate patrol doing something naughty 60. Get a warning from a tutor 61. Graduate
London 2012
F
reshers – Say goodbye to mornings, you won’t be seeing those for a while. Hello to an incredible year, hundreds of new faces, some amazing experiences and probably a moderate amount of nudity. The best advice is just to make the most of every opportunity thrown at you... and at the worse remember its only 40% to pass the year. Second years – slight hassle of a degree in the back of your mind, but that worrying is for third years. Enjoy the delights of rented houses
K and milk politics… have a causal houseparty gathering to get settled in nicely. Third years – something about dissertation and word counts, but am not too sure on that one. More importantly this will be your last Timepiece Wednesday during a second week of November, you HAVE to go. Last chance for everything. Gold rush. Fourth years and beyond – what are you still doing here? :p
een for being part of the 2012 Olympics? Volunteering applications are now open now, this month is your only opportunity to sign up to volunteer at the 2012 games. If you are interested go to http://www.london2012.com/getinvolved/volunteer/index.php and fill out the application form and for more information. •
•
•
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be available throughout the period of the Olympic Games and/or the Paralympic Games be willing to volunteer for a minimum of 10 days at either the Olympic Games or the Paralympic Games; or for a minimum of 20 days if you want to volunteer at both. be able to attend a minimum of three training sessions before the Games (a minimum of 15 hours spread over three days) and be willing to accept the role and venue you are offered.
Angela Law
St. Luke’s Officer
Lukie
T
he St Luke’s Camp us Committee are in char ge of all things Lu kie related, impacting on important decisions affecting our campus. We are looking for a group of people to take ov er from last year’s committee an d carry on their good work int o this brand new year. Lukies from any ye ar are welcome to apply, no experience necessary, we are ju st looking for enthusiastic people who want to get involved with th e running of the campus !
There are 6 positions available to run for, these are: – Secretary; responsible for taking minutes in meetings, correspondence between committee members, organising meetings etc. – Media Rep; responsible for the production of GOAL and forming links between other media groups i.e. Xmedia,
XTV, Xpression fm. – Undergraduate Rep – Postgraduate Rep See http://exepgu.wordpress.com/ contact/committee-members2010/ – International Students Rep – Peninsula Med School Rep
It is possible to run for positions joint with a friend, and would be great experience for anyone, especially people who have been on previous committees e.g. Halls Committee, Summer Ball Committee.
Roger Federer out on a Football Club Captain and jog! 3rd year Lukie having a hit!
The Honey Monster 2nd year Brett Richmond living the Lukie dream. loves the sugar puffs!
Dermot O’Leary enjoying 2nd year Lukie, Tom a Lukie formal! Clifton- Moore presenting X-Factor.
Bozo the clown enjoying Joe Sterlini, a 3rd a bit of cross-dressing! year Lukie, ready to entertain...
year player Matt Sam Wise Gamgee 3rd Butterfield on his way to pulling the ladies!
Celebrity Ramsey!
If you are interested in applying for any position, just send me an email at al303@ex.ac.uk and I will give you more details of how to make your application official! Mordor.
chef
Gordon 2nd year Plant!
Lukie,
Greg
Lukie
Lukie
wise words from some ex-Lukie Sabbs
RAG and Community Action at St. Luke’s
Kwabena Asare
John O’Neill
Peter Grayson
Deputy President 2003/2004
Deputy President 2005/2006
Deputy President 2006/2007
What are you doing now: Seeking the way to the Bar (barrister)
What are you doing now: I was a Police Community Support Officer in Tiverton until June 2010, but quit in order to go travelling for six months and have just finished a three day course as a Mahout (elephant herder) in Luang Prabang, Laos. I continue to be an active member of the TA as a Commando with 131 Royal Engineers and am studying for an MSc in Forensic Psychology and Criminology with the Open University.
What are you doing now: Corporate Lawyer in London
Best experience as a Lukie: Harpoon Louie Family Do’s and the now infomous Troy All Dayer - thank you Grayson Most embarrassing moment as a student: Family stag night...running from st davids to st Lukes with only a pair of trainers and a pint of pond water for consumption on the Quad (on a bright summer evening) Why you love this campus: Sam Fuller and Paul Dunsford - nuff said One piece of advice for the Fresh: EG is an addiction not a game, focus.
Most embarrassing moment as a student: Being carried home by the Resident Tutor after getting utterly hammered in Cross Keys and passing out on the quad. Why you love this campus: No matter where you go, I think it will be hard to find a campus that offers such a beautiful setting combined with a family atmosphere. I was in the middle of Hoi An, Vietnam last month and ran into a fellow Sports Scientist and Lukie, Drew Dower, on the other side of the world, proof that you are truly a Lukie til you die!
Best experience as a Lukie: Any of the Lukie Summer Ball Weekends I had the privialge of attending Most embarrassing moment as a student: Being tricked into going to the Lemmy one weekend Why you love this campus: The history and tradition of the place is unrivalled. The banter that comes with living and studying with students across all year groups is awesome, and creates a unique atmosphere and community that is second to none. There is nothing quite like being a Lukie. One piece of advice for the Fresh: Don’t speak to Jiffs Little known Luke fact: Peter Phillips, son of Princess Anne and 11th in line to the throne, was a through and through Lukie and used to be a barman at Crosskeys.
H
ey Lukies, I’m Sam Grace – your St. Luke’s RAG Rep and it’s my job to get all of you involved in RAG this year. Whether you sign up for a raid (raising money for our charities in various locationas all over the country), a hitch (charity hitchhike to places like Paris and Amsterdam) or if you want to become involved in RAG, like me, I’ll be looking for a St Lukes subcommittee and Fresher Reps (Freps)! RAG also organises the Safer Sex Ball (SSB) – our flagship event, every year it’s an extraordinary night. So if you want to do something good and have a great time whilst at university… get involved! Need anymore information drop me an email, sg311@ex.ac.uk
A
fter the epic break that was this summer, Community Action is back and our projects are good to go. CA is the student volunteering organisation at Exeter Uni and there’s loads of scope to get involved. Our Sunday project, ACE, runs every week on St Lukes campus. ACE stands for Active Children in Exeter and gives a group of young carers some wellearned time to try new games and sports. It also gives volunteers the perfect health peace-offering after an unsavoury Saturday night! The project is run by Steph and Jack, the Project Leaders, who are both students at the uni. You don’t have to be massively sporty to get involved, just willing to try new things. The project offers all volunteers a chance to meet and spend time with new people: Trampolining Society and DanceSoc, among others, have been involved with ACE before, so it gives volunteers fresh challenges too - before you even mention the kids! If heading to the sports hall doesn’t float your boat, there’s loads of other ways to
get involved with CA. Numerous projects run during the week which are spread across the city. There are also fundraising, publicity and recruitment teams – led by students as well – and any student can attend their weekly meetings. If NONE of this sounds appetising, then (a) you’re quite a tricky one to please and (b) all is not lost. Any student can suggest and organise their own one-off projects to target people they feel CA should work with. We haven’t even got round to talking about the environmental projects yet! Check out the website for any more info, at www.ca.ex.ac.uk or email ca-officer@guild.ex.ac. uk and we will be on hand to answer any questions. We’ll also be looking for a St Lukes Rep in the near future, so keep your eyes out for that!
introduction W
e are the 2010/11 Sabbatical team and we are here to represent the needs and views of all Exeter students. Each year elections are held for the new team in February, it’s a long way off but please consider running – it’s possibly the best job in the world and you get to make a significant difference in how the Students’ Guild operates and effect students lives. Anyways, in the meantime hope you have a lovely welcome week and please come say hello if when you see us around.
Jonnie Beddall President 01392 723536 guildpresident@ex.ac.uk
Bertie Archer Vice President Academic 01392 723544 guildacademic@ex.ac.uk
Here to make sure you get the most out of Uni! As President I oversee all Guild activities – most of the outlets, campaigns and balls in Ex – use the Guild to get the services you want. Problem or suggestion? Come find me in the office above Devonshire House, the advice point at Lukes or buy me a drink in Timepiece and I’ll make sure your get heard.
Anything to do with your degree and getting a job afterwards, I’m your guy. You can let me know if you have any problems or suggestions to do with your education, and I’ll campaign for improvements to your learning and teaching. I support the course representative system and Postgraduate Union, so every student at Exeter is fully represented academically.
Chris Hardy Vice President Welfare & Community 01392 723562 guildwelfare@ex.ac.uk
As the Welfare & Community Officer this year, it’s my job to make sure that you guys feel supported when you need it. So, if at any point during your time here, you’re worried or concerned about anything, then get in touch. I hope you have an amazing time here at Exeter, and I’d love to support you whilst you’re here in any way I can!
Alex Bordoli Vice President Participation & Campuses 01392 722433 guildparticipation@ex.ac.uk
I’ll be encouraging and harassing you all into getting involved with the Students’ Guild as much as possible, whether this be volunteering, the media, societies or running in the student elections. I’m also here to ensure the specific needs of students studying on all campuses are met.
Students’ Guild Information Point • Crosskeys, St. Luke’s Campus • Ticket sales (Lemmy and Ball tickets), St. Luke’s stash, Locker Hire, Temporary Guild cards, NUS cards, Room bookings, photocopying and General enquiries. Open: (TERM TIME ONLY) 10 am – 4 pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, 10 am – 2 pm Wednesday phone: 01392 724893 • email: stlukes-guild-info@exeter.ac.uk
best of… Footlights: Musical Theatre taster Devonshire House, Junior Common Room, 2-4pm Musical Theatre taster session, run by Footlights – one of the University’s successful theatre companies. Art Soc.: Life drawing class Queen’s Building, LT 6.1, 4-6pm Fun, laid back life drawing taster session. All abilities welcome. Soul Choir: Taster session Knightley, Seminar Room 1, 4-6pm You can be a part of Exeter’s only Soul Choir, and sing. RAG: RAG and Cocktails Mama Stone’s, 8pm-late Want a chilled out evening? Come to Mama Stone’s for some great music and tasty Cocktails. Free Entry. Thursday 30th Officer Training Corps: Meet the OTC Cornwall House, Lemon Grove, 11am-2pm Green Soc.: Bicycle-powered social The RAM Beer Garden, 1-4pm Come to the RAM and meet GreenSoc and try out the bicycle-powered soundsystem. An afternoon of food & fun. Badminton: Taster session Streatham Sports Hall, 2-4pm Bike Club: Road ride taster Cornwall House (outside Café Ritazza), 2-4pm Student Living: Wii-lympics Cornwall House Refectory, 3-6pm Come and show off your skillz in our annual Wii-lympics.
Art Soc.: Print & textiles class Queen’s Building, Art Studio, 4-6pm All abilities welcome. A fun, creative session which gives a flavour of the societies print and textiles classes.
Student Living: RedCoat Ghost Tour Peter Chalk Centre, outside 3-5pm Meet at 2:30 pm. Explore Exeter City Centre in a different way with a free guided tour of Exeter’s most spooky settings.
Student Living: Disco on Ice. Bus stop on Rennes Drive, 7-12pm Whether you are a complete beginner or are an Olympic figureskater, join the Welcome Team and skate your stuff. All abilities welcome. Tickets are £5 and available from Box Office.
Lacrosse: Mixed taster session Streatham Sports, rubber crumb, 4-6pm Lacrosse mixed taster session. Campus Cinema: Toy Story 3 2D Devonshire House, M & D Room, 6:30-9pm Woody, Buzz, and the rest of their toy-box friends are dumped in a day-care centre after their owner, Andy, departs for college. Tickets only £1.50.
Guild Ents.: Bring Me The Horizon Lemon Grove, 7:30-11pm One of the UK’s most exciting live bands, Bring Me The Horizon. Support comes from Canadian punk rock metallers Cancer Bats and heavy Dubstep pioneers Tek One. Tickets available from exeterboxoffice.com £13 in advance. XTV: XTV Comedy Night Devonshire House, M & D Room, 8-9pm Mixture of improv and stand-up comedy for a fun and entertaining evening. Friday 1st Music: Questions, Answers and Cake Knightley, 10am-4pm All welcome to pop in for some tea and cake, and to ask any questions you might have about musical opportunities at Exeter including joining ensembles, taking lessons and using practice rooms. Kitesurf: Kite Flying Session Peter Chalk Centre (outside) 1:30-5pm Kite flying session, meet at 1 pm outside Peter Chalk Centre. X-Media Online: Creative workshop Cornwall House, Pippa Langston Room, 2-3pm
Debating Society: The Friday Debate Amory Building, Parker Moot Room, 7:309:30pm Guild Ents: Stand Out Lemon Grove, 9pm-2am Drum n Bass, Dubstep and Breaks night featuring: Freestylers, Zinc, Joker and Noisia. Saturday 2nd Student Living: Jurassic Coast Cruise Bus stop, Rennes Drive 9:45-3pm Come and experience one of the most beautiful stretches of coastline in the country. Tickets £5 from the Box Office or ask the Welcome Team. Out of Doors Soc.: Dartmoor Walk Meet at Washington Singer, 10:30-5:30pm Explore the Devon countryside on a six mile walk incorporating some of Dartmoor. Cost: £5. Wear waterproof clothing, and bring water and lunch. Guild / AU: Activities Fair Sports Hall, Peter Chalk, Devonshire House, Queens, Cornwall House, 10am-4pm The biggest collection of societies, AU clubs, affiliates, and businesses all year.
introduction W
elcome to all of you joining us for your first year on St Lukes and welcome back to everyone returning for another year at Exe. My name is Josh Belsher and I am your Athletic Union President for this academic year. It seems like it was only yesterday when I was where you are now three years ago about to start studying on Lukes. It is a great campus which so much to do, I spent a lot time playing sport as well as a lot of studying. I was Tennis Club Captain during my third year before being elected as President. I am based up in the Sports Park on Streatham Campus or Jiff Land. We are here to ensure that your sporting experiences over the next year are as enjoyable as possible. If, at any time you have any questions please feel free to pop into the office in the Sports Park, stop me on campus or buy me a drink in Timepiece on a Wednesday night and I’ll endeavor to solve your sporting dilemmas! I’m sure you already know about Exeter University and its sporting excellence and our results in the BUCS (British Universities & Colleges Sports) competition in previous years
demonstrate this. Last year we finished 10th out of 150 universities in the BUCS league table and this year we hope to push on up to an even higher position. If you are new to Exeter you will have received The Sports Experience handbook in your welcome packs, giving details of the taster and trial sessions running in welcome week for all of the clubs with a contact detail for the captains. The first big AU Event of the year is the Activities Fair. Held at the end of Welcome Week, on Sunday 3rd October in the Sports Hall in the Sports Park at the top of the Streatham Hill, this is your chance to talk to current members from each of the 48 AU clubs and ask any questions you may have. Don’t forget to bring your cheque books because this is first time when you can join any clubs you want to be a member of. The first varsity of the year is the Football Varsity which will be on Wednesday 6th October. It’s held at Exeter City’s St James Park a 9,000 capacity stadium just five minutes from campus, where the University 1st team will play the Exeter City in a ‘Town vs. Gown’ game. This year’s Football Varsi-
ty is going to be bigger than ever; last year 3,000 students attended, this year we’re hoping for a crowd nearer 5,000. The game will kick off at 7.45pm with a display from the cheerleaders at half time! The Football Varsity match donates thousands of pounds every year to the Cardiomyopathy Association, a charity selected by the Football Club in memory of Michael Polden, a St. Lukes Sports Science student of 2000/2001. During the summer of 2001, whilst out running with a friend, Michael tragically died after suffering from Cardiomyopathy. So don’t forget to buy your tickets. Tickets are available from members of the Football Club, the AU office and from the Men’s Football stand at the Fair. Tickets are £4 in advance or £5 on the night. You are all going to have a fantastic time here on St Lukes, I had a great three years, make the most of it as time will fly, get involved in everything going on and around campus. That’s all from me for now; I look forward to meeting you all in the coming year and please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about sport at Exeter. Call: 01392 723573 or email me at: au@ ex.ac.uk.
Lukie
best of…
http://exeterguild.org/activities/welcome_week/ Saturday 25th Exeter tours • X-Keys, 2-6pm Tours of the city centre and surrounding areas led by current students. Live music • X-Keys, 7-12pm Sunday 26th Live music • Quad, 2pm-9pm Monday 27th Women’s football taster Arches at 10:30am. Live music • X-Keys, 7:30-9:30pm Tuesday 28th Athletics: Club run Meet in College House car park, 9:30am11:30am. Run for all abilities. Anglican Chaplaincy: Luke’s Lunches Chapel, 1-2pm. African drumming taster session Music room, 2-3pm African drumming music session in the St. Luke’s music rooms. No experience necessary. Voice and Harmony workshop Music room, 3-4pm A voice and harmony workshop in the St. Luke’s music rooms. All welcome. Welcome meeting South Cloisters Restaurant, 7:30-8:15pm An introduction to catered accommodation. Compulsory for students living in College House. Karaoke • X-Keys, 7:30-9pm Welcome meeting South Cloisters Restaurant, 8:15-9pm
An introduction to catered accommodation. Compulsory for students living in South Cloisters and New Nancherrow. Wednesday 29th Jewish Schtick • St. Luke’s, 12-2pm All things Jewish – may include food, music, dancing, and of course chatting. Guild Advice: Money, Money, Money BC 114, 2-2:45pm Compulsory for all undergraduate students who have not previously lived away from home. Trampolining taster session Lower gym, 3-5pm Trampolining taster session. Thursday 30th Men’s futsal games College House car park; 12.20-2pm RAG / CA: Volleyball tournament Quad, 1-5pm Come along in teams of around 6 to enter. ECU: Hall meets • Quad, 2-4pm Relax on the Quad with a free glass of pimms and hear a short talk about Christianity. Swim taster (all abilities) Indoor Pool, 2:30-4pm Swimming taster for all abilities. Archery: Introductory shoot Upper gym, 4-6pm Hall Dinner • 7:30-9:30pm A Hall dinner for all students living in College House, St. Luke’s Hall. Hypnotist Show • X-Keys, 7:30-9:30 Live hypotic show in Cross Keys. £3 entry on door.
Friday 1st Cheerleading Soc: Taster session Lower Gym, 1-2pm Try out a fun, energetic combination of dance, jumps, stunts and gymnastics with the Exeter Emeralds cheerleading squad. No experience necessary. Trampolining taster Lower Gym, 3-5pm Trampoling tester session. Hall Dinner • 7:30-9:30 A Hall dinner for all students living in South Cloisters & new Nancherrow, St. Luke’s Hall. Live Music • X-Keys, 8-9:30pm Saturday 2nd ECU: Beach Trip The Arches at St. Luke’s, 10:30-4:30pm Bring your friends for fun and games at the beach. All welcome. Bring sun cream if sunny. SnowSports: BBQ and beginners X-Keys,1 pm-3pm Snowsports Free BBQ and beginner ski and snowboard taster. Sub Aqua: Try – Dive Indoor pool, 2-4pm Sub Aqua try-dive. Traffic Light Bop X-Keys, 8pm-2am The legendary traffic light Bop. Wear Green if you are keen, Yellow if you are a maybe or Red if you are a no go. Last entry at midnight. £3 entry. Sunday 3rd Quiz Night • X-Keys, 7:30-9pm The first quiz of the year. Teams of 5, £1 per person. Cash prizes for winners.
Saturday 25th Guild Ents: Lemmy Welcome Party Lemon Grove, Cornwall House, 9pm-2am Advance tickets available from Exeter Box Office for £3 or £4 on the door. Sunday 26th Student Living: Ten-Pin bowling Pick-ups and walk-downs at 7pm – late Show off your bowling arm and get to know people. £5 per game, sign up in advance with your Welcome Team. Community Action: Timepiece Timepiece, Exeter, EX4 3PX, 10pm-late Community Action welcome you to Exeter with a great Sunday night club night at Timepiece. Tickets are only £3 and available from the Community Action office in Cornwall House, or from CA reps. Monday 27th Student Living: The “Big Think Yurt” Queen’s Drive, by Northcote House, 10am5pm Uni / Guild: Information Fair Lemon Grove, Cornwall House, 12:30-1:30 All the support services from the Guild, University, Chaplaincy and student support services. Compulsory. CA / Xpression FM: RAM Garden fun RAM Beer Garden, 11am-3pm Come and have fun on the Community Action bouncy castle and chat about the range of volunteering opportunities at Exeter, plus meet Xpression FM and listen to the outside broadcast. XTV: Acting workshop Cornwall House, Freddie Mercury Room, 2-4pm Student Living: Spa night Queen’s Building, Queen’s Café, 5:30-8pm
Enjoy a pampering treatment courtesy of Exeter College Health & Beauty students. Small donations to charity requested. Gender & Racial Eq. Soc.: Just Dance Outside Peter Chalk Centre, 7:20-late Lady Gaga-themed evening at Mama Stone’s. Wear Gaga-inspired outfit for free entry. Welcome party with RAG Cornwall House, Lemmy Night, 8pm-late Watch Stevie Starr aka ‘The Regurgitator’ from Britain’s Got Talent, along with some of the campuses’ finest acts. Tuesday 28th Exom: Go for a blast Outside Main Library entrance, 11am-5pm The Exeter University Motorcycling Club ‘Exom’ will be running two-wheeled taster sessions. Wear proper footwear, all other safety equipment and insurance is fully provided. Exeposé: What is Exeposé? Devonshire House, M & D Room, 12-1pm Come and find out about the work of Exeposé, the University’s student newspaper. Squash: Taster and Trials Streatham Sports Centre, Squash Courts, 12-2pm LGBTQ: Speed-greeting Cornwall House, Freddie Mercury Room, 4-7pm An exciting and colourful way to meet new and old members of the LGBTQ while enjoying cake and refreshments. Dancesport: Latin and Ballroom taster Cornwall House, Lemon Grove & Refectory, 8-10pm Come and have a taste of Strictly Come
Dancing. RAG: OutRAGeous Cave Party Timepiece Club, 9pm-late Discover your inner Flintstone, and get out your animal print and come down to Timepiece for an epic Night. Wednesday 29th Surf: Surf trip to Polzeath Peter Chalk Centre (outside) 9am-5pm Surf Trip to Polzeath and BBQ – board and suit hire available, sign up on Tuesday 28th Sept in Devonshire House from 12 – 2 pm. Volunteering: Volunteer Fair Cornwall House Refectory, 11-3pm Find out about the volunteering opportunities which are open to you in Exeter. Xmedia: Meddle in the Media Devonshire House, M & D Room, 12-1pm If you’re interested in media, meet each Xmedia committee and find out how you can join them this year. Guild Democracy: DEMOcracy in action Devonshire House, Junior Common Room, 12-2pm See how democracy works in the Students’ Guild by debating a motion to choose a special cocktail for the Freshers’ Ball. St John Ambulance: Emergency 999 Peter Chalk Centre lawns, 12-6pm Discover the basics of first aid and emergency volunteering, with ambulances and much more. Windsurfing: Beach BBQ at Exmouth Peter Chalk Centre bus stop, 12:30pm4:30pm Windsurfing BBQ beach party at Exmouth. Continued/…