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Issue 3 March 2010


Dom nation Magazine


The full story from IMFL

FLOWER POWER! BCTTT club kit unleashed

FLIPPING OUT Danny MacAskill


BTown shows us how to sort out broken steeds

REVEALED! The new Supreme Grand Master and his plans for triathlon domination

Contents ISSUE 3 MARCH 2010

Features 33 IMFL From shoals of what were probably deadly killer jellyfish to being the head of a 4-mile peloton, Conehead reveals the full story of Ironman Florida.

15 BIKE MAINTENANCE Mike at Bridgtown showed a lucky few the dark arts of bike maintenance. We shed light on some of the tricks of the trade and the essential tools for any workshop.

26 SKIDS AND WHEELIES Danny MacAskill went on holiday and all he got was this lousy broken collarbone. After he finished cleaning the Atherton’s bikes he spoke to Conehead about how best to jump off a bridge.

52 BEHIND THE BRAND Dean Jackson of Blue Seventy tells us what it is like to be the face of the brand in the UK.

Regulars 7 REVOLUTIONARY COUNCIL Changes at the top, middle and sides as new SGM sets the new agenda for Global Domination.

12 MEET THE MEMBER Moonshine takes to the stage to tell us about life, love and the finest nags in all of Wales.

32 ASK THE BOMBER Cup of tea and sympathy? Unlikely to happen as a straight-talking Bomber corrects the club’s ills.

21 CARBONDICULOUS 24 CLUB KIT It’s taken us a while, but couldn’t be more worth it. Write to your bank manager to arrange that loan and then get your order to Joolz!

30 TRAINING DAYS Something for everyone at the BCTTT training days – Rookie, Long Distance and now Maintenance days.

59 CLUB MASCOT Presenting Corky, the BCTTT club mascot!


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We’ve scoured the world for the finest carbon porn, and show you why you absolutely definitely must have those blueseventy carbon goggles.

54 READER’S RIDES S11 gives us a tour around Grizzler, and after waving a bit of cutlery and an allen key in the air, Battlecat. Bringing terror to the lowlands!

22 Gaz shows us how trick you can get a Trek 1.9. Just don’t ask how much he now owes Conehead....

56 BCTTT RACES The lowdown on what races club members are planning to be at. If you can make it then get down and cheer them on!

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Cover story

REVEALED ! ����������� ������������ ��������������� ����������� ������������ �������

10 PRESENTING THE NEW SGM The BCTTT have a new SGM, and while he is in the process of putting together his first decrees we show some of his finest moments and round up some of the changes to the revolutionary council. Whatever Scotty comes up with, though, the chances of it involving a pink wig look more than an evens chance!

New year, new broom, and BCTTT is no exception. The mag has itself a new Ed, as Gaz takes a deserved rest after setting up the finest triathlon magazine in the known world. I hope that I can live up to the standards he has set; they are very high so I have my work cut out. More importantly though, we have a new Supreme Grand Master! In a bloodless coup Scotty launched a raid on the headquarters of BCTTT towers when Conehead was getting a cuppa. Before he knew what had happened the letterheads had all been changed to pink. We have a superb issue for you though, with the new club kit on show, essential maintenance, interview with Danny MacAskill and Conehead’s story from IMFL. I hope you enjoy this celebratory pink-tinted edition. Don’t forget that if you have any life questions out there to be answered then the Black Bomber is there to help you!

ED ris

Thanks: To all contributers to this issue: Conehead, Gaz, Steve, Joolz, Scotty, James, Andy and the Bomber. Sar for proofing, Mike for checking copy and Luce for keeping me in line. 2010


March 2010 Dom nation Magazine


Snow and icy conditions might put off some, but not the might of the BCTTT. James, Scotty, Jellybaby and Gingertri show that mid-table triathlon ďŹ nishes start in the frozen wastes of January.

While the UK suffered its worst winter since the last ice age, Conehead bravely faced out the Arizona sunshine. When not being beasted by mystery pro-Tour riders he was pootling down to the beach with the Athertons to top up his tan.


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Welcome to the BCTTT’s newest member, Jodybear’s new little lad, born in December. Seen here with his older sister, Jessica, Thomas is sure to take the tri world by storm when he works out how to saw through the lock on his father’s bike and sneak it out of the garage.

If you happen to be the northernmost member of the club, deep in the grip of an icy Scottish winter, then I’m sure you would join ShadowOne1 in dreaming of racing in the blistering heat of Abu Dhabi. The shadowman will be flying the BCTTT flag proudly in March and we get the exclusive report in the next issue. Good luck!


March 2010 Dom nation 5 Magazine

Where the hell are we? We’re working towards Global Domination but for now, in the main, we are in the UK. Although we should mention FatStu in the UAE and Jen in Sweden. This map was put together by Scotty and we would like to keep it going. To get your pin in the map email Scotty. No details required, just your town. The more pins the merrier.


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The BCTTT Revolutionary Council Supreme Grand Master – Brother Burrows is our new master in charge of BCTTT global domination following the coup to depose Conehead. The blonde bombshell can be seen sporting pink, causing chaos and riding his bike to destruction at various races around the UK.

Propaganda – Brothers Rice and Chapman are responsible for interweb domination, using this strange wonder of the modern world – the ‘website’.

Ex-Supreme Grand Master – Brother Conehead – founder of the BCTTT – has Red Bull flowing through his veins, lives on a secret volcano island and writes bestselling books on triathlon. Can be seen at various races around the world trying to hold onto the Black Bomber.

Scotland – Brother McLean is spreading the BCTTT word north of the border. If it’s Scottish he’s your man.

WAT Executive Officer Mrs Conehead overseas all matters WAT related and membership (inc. fees). Largely responsible for reining in Conehead from outrageous schemes and ideas she should only be contacted in extreme emergencies; otherwise don’t. If she needs to contact you, you can usually feel the hairs standing up on your neck beforehand.

Wales – Sister Moonshine is reponsible for all things Cymru related. If you have any issues, she will wave her magic wand and resolve them.

Political Officer – Brother Castle is responsible for matters concerning common sense, reality checks and the voice of reason. He is also half cyborg with a newly re-constructed knee, although he doesn’t spend his time trapped in a movie franchise being constantly sent back in time to kill someone called ‘John Connor.’

Europe – Sister Jeppsson co-ordinates the global domination plans for Europe from a fjord in Sweden. Or is that Norway? Either way the European states are falling like dominoes under the guidance of the Swedish task-mistress.

Lanzarote – Brother Starcher is fronting up things in the Canary Islands – this provides us with an important strategic foothold off the coast of Africa. Brother Starcher can be found co-ordinating global domination from a volcano of his own.

Dubai – Stu can be found trying not to melt while basking in the heat of “tax free-ness”. It’s unknown how much global domination can be done - but the tendrils of the BCTTT reach far and wide.

North West Brother Butler has wrestled control of the North West from the Ex-SGM. Plans for beasting rides in the frozen wastelands of Cheshire are soon to follow.

Yorkshire & Humberside – The white rose county is soon to come under the influence of the BCTTT via Gavin. Whippets, pigeons, Tetley bitter are all manner of things Gav concerns himself with.

West Midlands – When not dodging cars stolen by 8 year olds in the Telford area, Brother Roberts cultivates and manages the BCTTT domination of the West Midlands. Now free from injury he will be seen conquering all number of triathlons in 2010!

South West – Brother Didds is responsible for triathlon global domination amongst all things cider and farming. Based in an idylic country house set among rolling fields, and scaring young and old alike as holder of Most Disturbing in Lycra Award, 2009.

London – Brother Jellybaby ensures the nation’s capital is under the BCTTT umbrella of influence. With the highest concentration of triathlon clubs and triathletes in the country, the process is long and complicated – but eventually everyone will succumb to the BCTTT influence. It’s simply a mattter of time. Global

March 2010 Dom nation Magazine



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March 2010 Dom nation 9 Magazine

Presenting the new...

BCTTT SUPREME The BCTTT has a new Supreme Grand Master and the club will soon be recieving its decrees from Scotty! Our noble founder, Brother Conehead, has stepped down allowing Scotty to take the reins. It goes without saying that Conehead has done an immense job setting this club up and everyone is hugely grateful. Enjoy the retirement years, Mr Ex-Supreme Boss! I imagine it will be hard to fill the time now global domination isn’t on your “to-do” list! The Revolutionary Council has also undergone a shakeup, with changes


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to the South West and North West chapters. Brother Didds deposed Brother Dearing in the rolling hills of the south, and Brother Conehead made way for Brother Butler in the frozen northern wastes.

In the meantime here are some of Scotty’s finest moments to whet the appetite. Here he is in his pomp at last years Club Awards Lash, the Club Championships 2009. and January’s Knacker Cracker 10k.

They are both working hard to make their respective regions bow to the will of the BCTTT, best of luck chaps.

Anyone at Dorney will remember him taking it on using a ‘classic’ pink racer and Hawaiian shirt combo, and showed those serious red-carbon addicts how real triathletes conquer the world.

We hope to be able to bring you details of the new SGM’s intentions for the BCTTT in GD04 (June issue), along with information on the club championships for 2010 and perhaps this years Lash, too.

Perhaps we should be concerned at how often the pink dress and wig are making appearances. Perhaps they are

GRAND MASTER going to be part of a full pink triathlon ensemble! Next time we can all ďŹ nd out what his supreme leader-ness is going to spring on us, and whether it will be fuscia or salmon tinted!

Left to right: A clearly delighted Scotty holds aloft the Haribo’s of victory after taking over the club; accessorising Scotty style; Knacker Cracker run; BCTTT Club Champs 2009.


March 2010 Dom nation 11 Magazine

Meet the Member Cate Langley

Introducing Cate Langley aka Moonshine

Cate and BB, who is now smarting at the news she is not a Trek 1.7... ...and what happens when velodromes attack!


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Let’s start with your name and any akas.. Cate Langley aka Moonshine and erhm as a student Brazen – purely because maiden name was Hussey of course! How old are you (please)?! 44½

What is your motivation? Quite like all the comments about the new body but the real motivation is to try and surmount the collywobbles and do something that scares me (OW swim) in the hope that surmounting that panic will get me back on horseback.

Beer or no Beer? None, but that was pre-tri. Socks or no socks? Socks but have yet to enter the dark side of clip-in shoes for the bike. Longer or faster? Longer – sprints are great to get started if nervous but think I might sneak up a bit higher in the bottom third of the table if I go a bit longer.

Do you have any family? Husband Carl 47, Beth 18 and William 16, 2 dogs; Tili 14 golden retriever, Fflur 4 cavalier king Charles, 4 horses; Xerina 12, Tissy 11, Cal 11, Bumper 11, 1 farm cat with her 3 kittens. Cate can do anything where chocolate is involved...

Where are you? Ceredigion, Cymru/Wales. How did you get into tri? 2009 my first season of madness – lost 2½ stone and wanted a reason to keep the weight off. Plot was to do a sprint triathlon which mysteriously turned into three. Did you swim, bike or run previously? None whatsoever, couldn’t swim crawl, had never run further than 400m and that was a long time ago, and had never had a bike with gears or drop bars. When and where was your first tri? May 2009 Cardiff Try a Tri. What does the family think of your triathlon exploits? The children think I’m nuts! Carl joined in for two to make sure I couldn’t claim to be better at something than him. What has been your greatest triathlon moment to date? Doing the open water swim at London all front crawl. What’s the daftest thing you’ve done in a race so far? Put my goggle strap under two caps so when the goggles tried to gouge my eyes out I couldn’t move them

Blonde or brunette? Have never done the blond thing but fluctuate between mouse and red. (Tactfully dodged... Ed)

What bike(s) do you have? From Ebay small female baby blue Giant OCR (BB) – I love her but she’s not really big enough for me but was great to learn the ropes on.

Train alone or with others? Predominately alone but Carl comes too sometimes and I get ratty as he doesn’t want to go fast – though he still beat me in both tris!

How often do you train, and do you follow a proper training plan? I have a dreadful habit of having to learn everything possible about things I do and then trying to do it properly, so have a plan for each week and record every session. When was doing competitions was doing 6–8 sessions a week, now doing four.

What else would you like to tell us about? Crew, dogsbody and general logistics for daughter and her horse who compete for Great Britain in Endurance – hence the photo in the last issue. Only time I’ll get to wear GB kit. Fresh from that front crawl, Cate tackles the tricky zip at the back part of T1

And your dream bike?

“Shhh, don’t tell BB, but I’d love a Trek 1.7.” What HRM/GPS gadgets have you got? Garmin 305 but I’m lusting after a Polar FT60. Any other kit you love or want to tell us about? Sports Tracks free download computer diary. It downloads the google maps for where you’ve been as well as speed, pace, calories, distance etc. Help a faller or run on by? Help a faller – I’m a midwife, so it’s preprogrammed


March 2010 Dom nation Magazine


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Opening Times: Monday - Closed, Tuesday - Saturday 9.30am - 5.30pm, Sunday 10am - 4pm 0.5 miles from T7 M6 Toll, 1.5 Miles from J11 M6, 500 Yards from A5 (next door to Silver Blades)

Lakeside Plaza, Bridgtown, Cannock, WS11 0XE

Telephone: 01922 411180 Global

March 2010 Dom nation Magazine



TAKE IT ALL APART AND START AGAIN In February, a fortunate few were given the opportunity to spend a day learning the basics of bike maintenance at Bridgtown Cycles, near Cannock. Mike kindly demonstrated the solutions to those perennial bike problems, and then gave 2 groups a box of parts and a frame to build into a working bike. Here is a tiny fraction of the things that Mike can teach you in a day...


March 2010 Dom nation 15 Magazine

MAINTENANCE – WORKSHOP ESSENTIALS Those 84-piece kits for £60 you can find might look a bargain but they are bound to be filled out with poor quality or totally irrelevant tools. Cone spanners might sound great but if you’re running a modern external bottom bracket then it’s never going to get used.

SET OF ALLEN KEYS Most bike parts have an allen key fixing to remove them, and the keys are usually 4, 5 or 6mm. Good to have a variety of key types; long reach ones are great for fitting brake hoods, for example. Definitely worth carrying a set in the saddle bag, too.

Much better to spend the same money on tools you actually need, to do jobs you know you will do. If need be buy them as you go along, but if you have a desperate urge to have the best home workshop straightaway then here are the key bits of workshop equipment and why you will need them!

WATERPROOF GREASE Useful all-purpose workshop waterproof or syn grease for thinly lining cables and preventing rubbing wear.

WORKSTAND Easier to get to those tricky bits of the bike if it’s not sat on the floor. Also means you can turn the wheels and pedals more easily to check the gears and brakes.

PEDAL WRENCH Good long levers for getting pedals off cranks. Most pedals also now have an allen key fixing. Take care to turn the right way – the left pedal goes the opposite direction!

CHAIN CHECKER For checking if your chain is stretched and wearing the cassette and chainrings as a result. Use regularly. We will show you how to use these later in this section.

CABLE SNIPS Worth buying a quality pair that can also be used to snip cable outers (brake and gears). Cheap cutters will fray the cable or crush the outers so they are next to useless.

CHAIN BREAKER For cutting a chain to the right length or breaking it to get it off the bike. Essential for drivechain maintenance. On longer rides it can be good to carry a breaker in case of a chain snapping.

COPPER GREASE Handy for threaded junctions to prevent seizing up where water can find its way through. Pedal threads, for example.

LONG NOSED PLIERS For getting a grip on cables when pulling them tight. CASSETTE LOCKRING SPANNER AND TOOL For tightening or releasing the cassette from the rear wheel. Don’t forget to get the right tool for the cassette you are using (Campagnolo, Shimano/SRAM, for example). If you are taking the cassette off then you will also need a... CHAIN WHIP To offer some resistance to the freewheel when taking the cassette off the rear wheel. You could try without but you are going to get bloody palms if you do! BOTTOM BRACKET SPANNER For fitting or removing external bottom brackets. Again, be aware of which manufacturer/model you are using.

TORQUE WRENCH/SPANNER Useful for any bolts that are putting an element into compression, such as the handlebar aheadset, or crank arms. It is worth investing in a proper torque wrench, particularly if you are tightening a clamp on carbon, so that you don’t over-tighten it and potentially crack it. Tend not to be cheap, but certainly cheaper than replacement carbon bling!

Top to bottom: Chain checker, pedal wrench and chainwhip, Bottom bracket spanner and chain breaker


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...AND OTHER USEFUL ODDS AND ENDS CABLES AND OUTERS Cables and outers for brakes and gears. If you think you are going to do plenty of maintenance yourself then you might want to keep a box of each to hand. QUICKLINKS Easy to fit and remove chain links, freely available from SRAM, KMC and Wipperman. RUBBER MALLET For things that might need... persuasion. DEGREASER/BIKE CLEANER For cleaning down your bike to get it looking factory fresh. CABLES (BRAKES AND GEAR) For replacing your own cables as and when needed.

WET LUBRICANT For wet weather riding It stays sticky to the chain and lasts longer in wet and challenging conditions. Does attract more salt and grit though, which can add to wear on the chain. DRY/WAX LUBRICANT For dry weather riding. Dries out (not sticky) but washes off in poor weather leaving the chain exposed. You’ll most likely need to apply this more frequently than wet lube. If you have a summer bike then you might be fine with this. SET OF SPANNERS Can be handy for the few parts on a bike that take normal spanners (brakes, for example).

PLUS, THE SADDLE BAG Most of us carry a saddle bag or bottle with useful emergency bits in it, but for those who don’t you could do worse than having the following:

• • • • • • • • • •


Top to bottom: Wet and dry chain lubricant, SRAM quicklink, cassette lockring spanner Global

March 2010 Dom nation 17 Magazine


Checking your drivechain is one of the most straightforward tasks you can do. A chain checker is a simple to use and cheap piece of equipment that will quickly show you if you need to get a new chain on your bike. A simple chain checker is hooked into the chain at one end and the other end will drop into a link gap if the chain is stretched. If it drops into the 0.75 stretched side then it’s time to start thinking about getting a new chain. If it drops into the 1.0 side then the chain has definitely had it. A more expensive checker (below left) can report wear more accurately, but the principle is the same.

Tools you will need for this job • Chain checker • Chain breaker • Quicklink (SRAM, Wipperman, KMC, etc.) • New chain • Lubricant (for regular maintenance)


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If you change your chain at the 0.75 stretch then the chances are that the chain has yet to wear the cassette too much in its stretched state, and a new chain should work fine. If the chain has reached 1.0 stretch then there is a fair chance the cassette will be worn too, and may need replacement at the same time as a new chain is put on.

Running for longer with a worn chain can eventually wear the chainrings, too, with the classic sign of wear being shark’s fin shaping to the teeth (below right). Having checked your chain and discovered that it is stretched, replacing it is one of the simplest jobs that you can do with your bike. Make sure the bike is in its highest gear setting (39/25, for example), so that the chain isn’t being stretched hard when you put it back on. You will need a chain breaking tool that is appropriate for your chain (10/11spd, Shimano or Campagnolo, etc.), a new chain, and we would recommend a superlink or quicklink for joining the new chain. With the bike well secured place the chain breaker into the chain and turn the handle until the pin pushes against the connecting rivet (opposite page, bottom left). It may be a bit stiff to pop the rivet out at first but put a good hard turn on

MAINTENANCE and it should drive it through. When the chain is broken, simply slide it through the rear derallieur.

some are reusable and some not, so be careful to know what you have on your chain.

The new chain will need to be cut to length before it can be fitted. Lay the new chain and old chain side by side and work out which rivet needs to be removed to bring it to the right length.

It is likely that you will need to use the chainbreaker again to make sure that the chain has a complete outerplate removed so that the quicklinks can be used. (bottom, centre)

I usually count the links out as well, and when I’ve checked and counted it enough times to satisfy myself that I won’t get it wrong, I pop the rivet out of the new chain to bring it to the right length. Personally, I prefer using a superlink to connect my chains together. This is a simple connecting device that replaces a link of two outer plates of the chain. KMC, Wipperman and SRAM make them and they will need to be the right fit for your chain (8/9/10spd). New KMC chains should come with one included in the box. You can get removable and fixed quicklinks, and

Feed the chain through the rear and derallieurs from the top, being careful to check that it is run through the parts of the system that need the chain within it (jockey wheel guides at the back, for example). Nothing is more frustrating than fitting the chain to find out that it is fed through wrong! (bottom, centre) With the two ends of the chain at the bottom you fit one half of the quicklink to each end of the chain and slot them together. Pull the chain apart either side of the link to try and get them to lock fully, and then run the cranks to make sure there aren’t any sticky links and the quicklinks are properly connected.

You shouldn’t need to lubricate this new chain, as it has plenty of good factory lubricant on it. All being well you now have a new, shiny chain on your bike ready for riding. If you changed your chain at 0.75 to 1.0 stretch then there is a risk that the chain will skip on the worn cassette. A short ride should allow you to spot this fairly quickly, as it is likely that the chain will want to skip off the rear cassette cogs if a new cassette is needed, particularly under load.


March 2010 Dom nation 19 Magazine

MAINTENANCE Looking after your chain Rather than change it when the checker says it is worn, I can replace it when it breaks, right?

The method used to keep your chain in its best condition is often a very personal thing, and there is almost nothing, apart from perhaps Shimano v Campagnolo, that generates as much heated debate in cycling forums.

Chains will stretch and cause wear to the cassette and chainrings. If you change your chain when it isn’t too greatly stretched then the wear to the other parts of the system is reduced and you can get more life from your kit.

There is also a great deal of conflicting advice out there as well, for example people who swear by Teflon spray and others who won’t touch it. The key is to find a method that you are comfortable with, carry out regularly and that you have confidence in. KMC don’t recommend the use of a chain bath cleaner, as they say it strips the best factory lubricant from deep inside the chain. If you do use one then bear in mind that you may need to add more lubricant to the chain afterwards to reduce metal-on-metal wear.

Personally, I go for wiping down regularly to keep the build up of grime to a minimum (and checking for wear), and then a more thorough monthly cleaning down with a rag and degreaser. I then add a relatively small amount of lubricant to the chain and wipe off the excess.

As a rule of thumb you would expect a Shimano drivechain would last around 1,500 miles, although depending on conditions, riding style etc. it could be shorter or longer.

You can leave a chain and cassette to wear togehter if you wish, but eventually the wear will be sufficient to prevent the drivechain from shifting smoothly and staying in the right gear. When you come to change the chain at this point then it is likely that the cassette and chainrings will need replacing at the same time.

Campagnolo systems wear the drivechain parts in a different way to Shimano, so this wear period could be more like 2,500 miles. SRAM kit is probably somewhere in between.

A chain is a £20–30 item, for a reasonable 10spd, whereas chain, cassette and chainrings could easily tip this over 3 figures. For the sake of £20 it is worth looking after your chains.

How long will my chain last? Chain wear (usually stretch) is an inevitable part of using your bike. A chain is a consumable item and will wear. There are things you can do to ease wear on the chain, such as easing off the pedals slightly as you change gear, particularly into a higher cog. Keeping the chain free from salt, grit and muck will also prevent it from wearing more quickly.


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A cassette will probably last 3 or so chains before it has accumulated wear that could prevent it from running smoothly. Front chainrings could last around 3 cassettes. Again, these are rules of thumb which are dependent on the rider, road conditions, and how well you look after the kit.


Dom nation



Recently on the website our benevolent former leader decided to get his own back on those pesky bike-mangling Athertons and bike cleaner to the stars MacAskill. He invited the BCTTT to demonstrate their rapier wit in coming up with a caption to the blackmail-tastic photos you see here, and reward the best with some sort of tat. Following lengthy hours of deliberation from our jury, we are pleased to announce the winners and honourable mentions are as follows:

“The boob tu be sponsors decided that maybe enough was e nough and sacked th eir model.” Ben “Willie verfinish” L aws

ms? “You’ve got big drea ell, You want fame? W ht rig d fame costs. An art st u here is where yo paying ... in sweat.” Joninho

“Urrr... _you_ were supposed to drink the one with the Rohypnol in, Conehead.”

Jack Hughes

“It was getting hard to remember at what point buying the ‘pop-up Karma Sutra’ had seemed to be a good idea.” Jack Hughes “The Ashley Cole photos the papers didn’t want.” Jules “Darren, I’ve found your elusive hamster.” Atomic

Well done to the lucky winners. We’ll see what form of novelty item we can rustle up from the back of the bike shed for you. Global

March 2010 Dom nation 21 Magazine

Readers Rides Trek 1.9

eBay is a wonderful thing; you can get your hands on almost anything! Did you hear about the guy selling, and I quote, “Britney Spears’ Half Eaten Sandwich” What about the “18 year old girl’s virginity”.....anyone? Well... with examples like that it isn’t too difficult to believe I managed to find a fine example of a Trek 1.9 road bike. Having been lurking around the 220 website for a month or two, and spending more time trying to swim than trying to sell stuff (my job)... I thought it about time I got myself a bike.


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A new bike was out of the question for one simple reason – all the bikes I could afford were crap! I don’t do crap. I always (where possible) buy more than I need and as much as I can afford; it’s a fail-safe method of avoiding buyer’s remorse – that’s when you regret buying what you’ve just bought and wished you’d bought something different. eBay was a surefire way of getting more for my money. I saw the Trek 1.9 and at the time knew absolutely nothing about bikes, well, nothing more than it had 2 wheels and that this particular bike had spokes

that were unusually far apart – this alone was probably the single most pressing reason I had for buying the bike – I liked the spokes! I think most of us buy what we like the look of, rather than how good the bike will actually be. Yeah, we try to tell ourselves (and others) that it’s the new fangled gizmo thingy that is the reason you’re going for the bike, but surely, it’s because it looks the nuts, yeah? Well, it was with me; the Trek 1.9 was the best looking bike on eBay, at that time, in my size, and it had nice spokes!

I went to pick the bike up from Chelsea and I met the guy in a car park with a wedge of notes in my pocket. Everything looked ok (not that I knew what I was looking for), but it wasn’t scratched to bits and the spokes were as advertised :) ... then for the test ride around the car park ...this is where any “I know what I’m doing” bravado went out the window, I had to ask the guy where the gear levers were! I paid £720 for the bike...but that was just the start. Then came the immediate requirement to make it look better (oops, sorry, I mean ...make it faster)... a few hours of research later and a pair of Profile T2+ clip-on tri bars were ordered. You all know the drill from here on; we’ve all been here, new to cycling – you need all the kit, so some new 105 clip-in pedals...then some shoes...then a saddle bag...then a few tools for the bag (CO2 stuff, tubes, tyre levers etc...and a bike computer...and some cycling shorts...and gloves...and bar tape...a helmet...glasses...and a little later on (and who knows how much £££s later)...a turbo trainer. That was me done for my first year in triathlon and the bike performed beautifully for me. It’s a great bike: aluminum frame, carbon forks, ultegra all round, compact chainset, ten speed, razor sharp (but faster than me) saddle... More recently (within the last month) I’ve picked up some new wheels from some dodgy geeza in the pub (oops... sorry, I mean health was Darren)...I have no idea what they are good for, if they are better than the ones I already had, or if they will make me faster or slower, but they look bloody fantastic, so I had to have them...(I’m serious)!

To go with the new wheels I’ve put on a much heavier white padded saddle and treated her to some new white bar tape. She looks better than ever now and I still have a “slightly used” Dura-ace chainset to fit...another item I picked up from the guy they call cone...head? In summary, last year I occasionally passed guys riding bikes that looked like they were worth more than my car; this year I expect things will be somewhat different!


aka the worshipful ex-editor of this parish


March 2010 Dom nation Magazine


Club Kit! It’s been a little while coming, but now we can proudly present the club kit that every selfrespecting, last-finishing age-grouper will want to be seen in! Featuring distinctive floral patterning and some thoroughly tongue-in-cheek UCI World Champ stripes, the kit comes in a wide variety of garments to suit whatever discipline you are doing. Tri suits in black and silver, or yellow and black, with a 2-piece option for those who like a chilly lowerback. Cycling kit is available in the same colour options; long- and short-sleeved jerseys are available as is a full range of supporting kit, including bib shorts, gloves, gillets and overshoes. While the ideas started in house the fabulous high-quality finishing comes courtesy of the international fashion design house at Champion Systems. They hope to recover from their Red Bull induced trip soon.

BCTTT Tri suit front... and back...

There are also some exclusive blueseventy hoodies still available for £40. All orders should be made through JoolzD via with appropriate funds. She will send you a form to fill in. Questions and sizing information can be sorted through the same address. Please bear in mind that there is a minimum order of 10 units, so you may have to wait for your kit, order more of it, or pester your friends to buy some, so that you can have it. And if you have any WAT/HAT worries then remember the simplest way to clear it will be to buy some for them, too!

Viva Revolution! BCTTT cycling jerseys, in silver and yellow. Global

24 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

Club kit available for 2010 Cycle Jersey – Full Zip Cycle Jersey Long Sleeve WindGuard Jacket – full zip Cycle WindGuard Vest full Zip Time Trial Skin Suit Bib shorts Cycle Shorts Cycling Gloves Cycling Winter Gloves Shoe Covers (lycra) Tech T-shirt Running Shorts Tri Suit

Summer and winter gloves

Gillet to match the cycling jersey in silver and yellow

Shorts and bibs in black to match either jersey

£45.00 £50.00 £45.00 £80.00 £53.00 £50.00 £20.00 £25.00 £20.00 £35.00 £35.00 £70.00


How do I get the order form? Email the kit coordinator at requesting an order form. It’s also on the club website.


How do I pay? Paypal. Email for details of payment.


How do I order? There will be an order period each quarter; the last one was the end of February 2010. Orders will be dependent on the minimum order number being recieved, the kit coordinator will keep you up to date. Note: club kit only available to club members.


Kit sizing The sizing varies on the type of kit/make/model. Champion Systems have stated that all kit through them errs on the smaller size, so if you feel you are inbetween size to go one size up.


Delivery times Champion Systems state 2/3 weeks for delivery and then expect 1 week from delivery to kit organiser out to all recipients.


Can I have my name on the kit? It is up to you to have your name put on the kit after delivery.


How much is it to post abroad? This will depend on where it is. The kit organiser will send you the price once posted and then you will need to PayPal extra over.


March 2010 Dom nation 25 Magazine

skids and wheelies

You may have seen Danny MacAskill on YouTube. In fact there’s actually a very good chance you’ve seen him. His short film of some of the most mind boggling tricks you’re likely to see on a mountain bike has had almost 15 million hits – the most in YouTube history. People such as Lance Armstrong have said it’s a “must watch.” BCTTT founder Conehead was tasked with making himself useful by the GD editor, so he put down the suntan lotion and pina colada to ask the all important question of the softly spoken, diminutive Scotsman – “do you want to be in the BCTTT?’” Global

26 Dom nation March 2010 Domination Magazine

ELITE INTERVIEW We’re sat in Newport Beach California What’s going on? I’m out here with the Athertons to try and speed up my recovery and returning to riding after breaking my collarbone back end of last year. It’s not gone quite to plan though as I’ve re-broken my collarbone. The fat waster that claims to be the coach (!) forced me to go to a downhill race with Athertons, so obviously I crashed in my bid for DH glory. Actually I crashed a few times that day...

the same time which just spat me into the subway wall. So running up to it again I knew that was waiting for me! I managed it though. Blondes or brunettes? Hmmmmm, blondes I guess?

The beginning of the video where I ride the railings took about 8 hours of riding over 4 days. The weather wasn’t great and I needed my tyres and the railings to be dry. I’d go out on my lunch break from work every day to check how it was and attempt it. I was feeling pretty battered and bruised from it, but I knew I could do it and didn’t want it to beat me. In another part of the film you jump off a large bridge, followed by lots of people rushing to look over, as it must’ve looked like you’d fallen off! Yeah, that took 3 attempts to pull that off – first time my forks snapped and threw me onto my back. Second time I headbutted the handlebars and felt a bit ‘woozy’ and fell off! 3rd time I managed it, and passers-by must’ve thought I’d fallen or something!

Can you do a skid? Just about. You can’t beat a really good skid. Can you do a wheelie? I can manage them ok as well! What’s next for you? Get fit again and get back on my bike.

So rather than riding my trials bike I’m now sweating like a lunatic in the gym on the static bike. Great. You pull some frankly mental tricks in the video How long did it take you to ‘nail’ them?


Danny giving some quick instructions on how to do a really good skid to UCI World Champ Gee Atherton.

You return home from a day’s riding to discover a large brown bear in your house. What do you do? Call you I reckon. Surely you know how to deal with those things? I do have a flatmate, so maybe I could do a runner while it ate him? What do you know about triathlon? That I’d rather jump off that bridge all day than do one.

I need to go on a road trip to scout out a load of locations for filming. There is one project I have in mind with Red Bull. I can’t say too much but I know that you (i.e. Conehead) isn’t convinced about it! So I need to start working on that, but mainly get fit again and get back on the bike. Have you ever been in a room with a midget and a pony? No, but I’ve seen them in your room.

Do you want to be in the BCTTT?

“Not at all.”

What is your 1500m swim time? 1.5 meters? What, 1500m! No way! I could maybe float that far in a few hours.

Follow Danny on www.dannymacaskill. and Pics: Flickr and Conehead

Danny demonstrating the scalextric loop-the-loop also works on a bike

It happens again when I 360 down the subway stairs. That was another one that took a few goes; I’d fully commit to it then bottle it at the last minute. There were some identical stairs around the corner that I could 360 down no problem that weren’t as long, but I knew I could do the big set. I managed to push myself through the fear and attack the stairs; I landed with both wheels totally inline and at


Global March 2010 Dom nation 27 Domination Magazine


Alistair Brownlee. 2009 World Champion. Otley Reservoir, U


Dom nation March 2010 Magazine


.K. 6.02am. Training faster in a Helix.



March 2010 Dom nation Magazine

DR CONEHEAD’S TRAINING DAYS Darren organises four types of training days, open to all but with discounts to BCTTT club members, and the Les Stables training camp (7–14 April 2010, places still available). The training days are organised around providing practical, useful aids for all levels of triathlete, from the complete beginner set on their first event to the aspiring Ironman athlete. Read the info below or contact for more information.


Saturday 8th May The Quays Saturday 22nd May The Quays Saturday 5th June The Quays Saturday 26th June The Quays Outcome of day – by the end of the workshop you will be able to do the following things: 1. Have a workable method for T1, layout of your kit inc. safely mounting your bike 2. Have a workable method for T2 inc. safely dismounting your bike 3. Change a flat tyre 4. Basic nutrition strategy for the race 5. Get out of a wetsuit in record time! 6. Correctly fit wetsuit and goggles 7. Sight and navigate in open water 8. Safely draft in water 9. Turn at buoys in open water

Having encouraged the acolytes into the water for the VO2 max test, it was time to release the sharks re it’s well worth it – 2 “For any Rookies out the ff ion, plus all the other stu hours OW swimming tuit ing mm swi e, ctic pra T2 & T1 , thrown in (wetsuit fitting n ritio nut g, dlin ce & han technique, bike maintenan . ice) adv ter before, but found out I’d never swum in open wa l totally at ease with it.“ it’s great fun and now fee Rich

These outcomes will be methods and tips to get you through your first triathlon, so that you will feel comfortable with employing them on race day. The methods that Tim Don uses in his race, transitions etc. are suitable for a former world triathlon champion, but not necessarily you as a ‘rookie’. Other things covered on the day: 1. Race day programme and basic rules 2. Tips for the swim start 3. Basic bike tool kit and having your bike ready for race day 4. Aero bars, elastic laces, tri suits, bike shoes 5. Care and fitting of wetsuits 6. Bike set up 7. FAQs – your questions answered on anything!

£89.99 members, £99.99 non-members


30 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

ROOKIE DAY 2 (TRANSITION) Sunday 9th May The Quays Sunday 23rd May The Quays Sunday 6th June The Quays Sunday 27th June The Quays

There is a significant open water element to this day. It concentrates on open water competency and transitions only. You need to have attended Rookie Day 1 to come on Day 2. By the end of Rookie Day 2 you’ll be able to: 1. Swim confidently in open water 2. Sight, navigate and draft 3. Transition Other things covered on the day: 1. CO2 cartridges 2. Emergency chain repairs 3. Latest ideas on equipment, training and nutrition 4. Sources of information 5. FAQs – your questions answered on all things triathlon!

£89.99 members, £99.99 non-members

2010 LONG DISTANCE ROOKIE DAY 17th April 2010 The Quays 26th May 2010 The Quays 26th May 2010 The Quays

Long Distance Rookie training days are geared towards one thing – telling you what you need to know to put your mind at ease. When it comes to longer distance triathlon, the one thing your mind is definitely not at is ‘ease’…! Who is this day for? This day is aimed at anyone who has already entered or is thinking of entering a long distance triathlon, which is half ironman distance upwards. If you’re an uber fit 10 hour Ironman then it is unlikely you’ll pick anything up on these training days, but you never know! If your goal is to finish the race by crossing the line, rather than finishing the race walking around in circles at an aid station talking to yourself – then this day is ideal for you. We must stress that everyone getting the most out of the day is our priority, which is why there is a limit of 10 people per day to maximise coaching time. What do I need? Just bring everything with you that you would take to a race. If you have a turbo bring it with you to set your bike up on. If you don’t have a turbo let us know and we’ll provide one. Light refreshments are provided on the days but you’ll need to bring your own lunches and snacks with you.

£99.99 members, £109.99 non-members By the end of Long Distance Day you’ll have an understanding of the following: Long distance kit – the never ending kit list... 1. Various methods and systems on how to load and 2. prepare your bike Race nutrition – long distance nutrition and how it 3. differs from short course Swim, bike and run strategy – planning your race 4. Different training methods and rationale – who is 5. saying what, and why Long distance transitions – how they differ 6. Survival strategies for when things go wrong 7. Other things covered on the day: Personal first hand accounts from previous long 1. distance rookies Which race to enter – is there such a thing as a 2. ‘rookie’ friendly long-distance race? Race day programme and basic rules – how it 3. differs from short course FAQs – your questions answered on anything! 4. We’ll do everything we can to make sure the dark art of long distance triathlon isn’t quite as mysterious once we’ve finished the day, but please come armed and ask as many questions as possible. Please challenge the coaches as much as possible.

BIKE MAINTENANCE DAY 27th May 2010 – venue to be confimed

Spend the day at Bridgtown Cycles learning all you need to know about bike maintenance. It’s impossible to list everything you’ll learn on this day, but below are some key headings: • Basic bike maintenance • Tyre changing inc. tubs • Tools • Indexing gears and other adjustments • Repairing broken chains • Bike set up

S to eone/LB pay som y ars, e tl g n e r u rr o u rt out y o “If you c s , e rt ik a b nt p s, our service y les, fit replaceme oney to b m a change c d you don’t have y you a n a w . t s tc etc. e gle be is the sin regards to lookis th , rn bu ith e money w best valu can save . It’s the e ik b r u o y ing after .” ’ll spend £100 you

gaz r

This will be a full day, by the end of which you’ll know all you’ll ever need to know about keeping your bike in race condition and minor repairs, so you don’t have to take it to your LBS. It’s advised you leave your credit card at home for this day, as you’ll be surrounded by bike porn….

£89.99 members, £99.99 non-members

“A reall y usefu l an informa tive day d ; thank to Mike s and the s Bridgto wn for d taff at emystify the blac ing k art of bicycle mainten ance, a n d to Conehe ad for o rga another great tr nising aining opportu nity.” a

ndy m


March 2010 Dom nation Magazine

Ask the Bomber


lved o s s m e l b r pro


We’ve all heard of it, some of us have even been lucky enough to see it – every month the Black Bomber (founder of the BCTTT’s bike) answers your questions on bike related matters. Got an innocent rookie bike related question and want a condescending reply laced with sarcasm from the uber TT bike? The Black Bomber has it for you...

Ok – so I’m meant to answer your questions on bike related matters. I have no idea why as I am far too fast to even consider whatever is going through your slow brains. You should all count yourselves lucky I’m taking time out from my schedule to deal with this; I’m in Arizona now. The guy that puts this mag together is sound though, so don’t mind helping out a bit – but make it quick as the sky is blue and the tarmac warm outside……..

Disc-go inferno

Thumb woes Dear BB

Don’t know if you remember me, but I beat you by 4 mins or something at the RAF sprint champs earlier in the year. I think it was down to the fact you didn’t have disc on like me, and your owner is fat and slow unlike mine who is slim and fast. Get in touch with your race schedule; it’s always nice to know which bikes will be behind me. Hustle-ing in Hussville

I was bought around this time last year by someone who was rapidly obsessed by triathlon. He set about injuring himself almost immediately, but not before essentially taking over the 220 forum with a penchant for sucking his thumb. Anyway – after a couple of sprint tris I’ve been sidelined as his catalogue of ‘injuries’ grows and he spends more time producing magazines. How can I help him to get back out on me? Un-loved in Telford

Dear Hustle-ing

Dear un-loved

I know exactly who you f*king are!!!!!! I’m going to smash your f*****g precious disc in and see how fast you f*****g are then you f******g***** s*******g and *****t*******m on Tuesday with ********y******** a donkey and some rubber tubing!!!!

Obviously the reality of triathlon has come crashing down on your owner who has crumbled under the pressure. Get yourself down to your local Aldi and wait outside unattended, I give it 5 mins before some 14-year-old mother of 3 rides you off into the distance. Might not be much, but at least you’re out and about.

Dear Bomber

Got a question for the Bomber? Life skills and race positions lacking but own a carbon monster? The Bomber has all the answers, so send them to and we’ll see if it can be arsed.

Northern Soul Dear Black Bomber I’m a fairly new Argon road bike, and was living happily in a shop near Cannock when someone with a funny accent came in and took me away. It was nice in that shop, but now I live far away where everyone talks funny and men wear skirts. I’d like my owner to take me out, but the sun never shines and it’s always raining. What should I do? Lonely in Scotland Dear Lonely in Scotland What was that? I couldn’t tell what you were saying over the high pitch whining noise you’re making. Two things: 1. 2.

You’re a road bike so I don’t care You’re a road bike so I don’t care

Stop whinging, man up and get some mudguards on and lights or whatever it is you road bikes do and get out the door.


2 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine


In November 2009, Conehead travelled to the States to take part in Ironman Florida, and to purge himself of his Ironman UK 2008 race. Training with top roadies for training, dodging giant killer jellyďŹ sh in the warmup, these were nothing compared to the race itself. Most of us have seen the YouTube videos of him leading out the bike leg; now read the full story.



March 2010 Dom nation 33 Magazine


For anyone that’s been living on the moon you might not be aware the ex-SGM recently took part in Ironman Florida. In case anyone in the English speaking world missed it, here’s the race report... This race report actually starts on 7th September 2008, not 7th November 2009. 7th Sept 2008 was the beginning of a triathlon odyssey that at that time I wasn’t even aware of. Writing the book which turned into a bestseller I thought I had reached the peak of my triathlon experience, but 7th September 2008 set in motion a series of events which eclipsed anything I’d done before in triathlon or even thought of doing. What was so significant about that day? Well the story is already written for the next book and the Long Distance Rookies have already read it under a vow of silence. 7th September 2008 was IMUK at Sherborne; what none of you know is I was there – in the lake at 6am to start the race. Things were not good. I hadn’t trained for this race, and I’m not talking about the usual ‘I don’t feel I’ve trained enough’ type stuff. I’m talking about months of under training which had left me the most unfit I’ve been for many, many years – probably the most unfit I’ve been in my life. This is no exaggeration, I really was in the worst shape I can remember. Having entered Ironman France in June I withdrew myself from that race and went for IMUK in September. Thinking I could pull something out of the training bag with those extra months. That didn’t happen. What made things worse was a decent showing at Trentham just 6 weeks before – a half ironman time of 5 hrs 13mins convinced me that I could maybe bluff my way around the full distance.

When it came to the day, I managed to get out of the water in 1 hr 28mins – a full 20 mins slower than 2006 in the same lake. However, this time I was already exhausted. You’re not supposed to get out of the swim like that; you should feel reasonably ok. Being already shattered meant the day wasn’t going to end well but I ignored that fact. On the bike the delusion continued as fuelled on SiS smart gels I actually managed to start putting a decent bike together passing the 56 mile point in under 3 hours. However, soon after the wheels comprehensively fell off. The wind and light rain started to take their toll, my heart rate started to drop and by mile 65 I was struggling to get it above 140bpm. At the start of the 3rd lap I was looking at a 6½ hour bike time, which may sound ok in the grand scheme of things – but knowing how I felt right then, I knew a 6-hour marathon was in front of me and a 13 to 14 hour finish time, maybe even longer. So at mile 70 on the bike I called it a day and I had my 1st DNF.

“On the way home in the car I also got pinged by a speed camera doing 40 in a 30 – I didn’t spot the speed limit change. Perfect ending to that day.” What happened next? I’m not going to steal any thunder from the new book, but that DNF set in motion a massive series of events and introspection on my part as to what exactly the fuck I was doing. I scurried off to USA for 3 weeks with work and spent that time analysing everything and what to do about it. I had to take affirmative action otherwise the DNF was going to leave me sat in a dark room wearing coffee stained underpants and rocking backwards and forwards. What actually happened you’re all now part of. I got my arse in gear, got training again and entered IMFL. I dove headfirst back into triathlon and at the suggestion of one of my other coaching friends I garnered opinion on the 220 forum and the Rookie Days were born, leading to the unexpected formation of this club. Everything I’m now doing in triathlon stemmed from that DNF and you’re all part of the story. Rather than give up on triathlon I decided global domination was the best way forward, and anyone that has read my book wouldn’t be expecting the author to quit. So global domination it was...

Conehead completing Hawaii 70..3


34 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine


I arrived in Florida by way of Arizona. We have friends there and it’s a fantastic place to be from September onwards with blue skies and 80 degree temperatures. I spent a week there getting used to the disc set up on the Black Bomber. I hadn’t had time to specifically train for IMFL, but I had been training all year so I was at least in good shape. My biking had improved massively and I knew that this Ironman was going to be about the bike for me. All the time was going to be gained on the bike, so I had to make the best of it. 70.3 in Hawaii earlier in the year had prepared me well psychologically – it was (as you all know) a very hard race. But with a 34min swim and 2 hr 40min-bike I knew I was on the right track for this one 6 months later. I did what training I could do, and that was that. A couple of the Aqua Sphere 3.8km swims were great to get the IM distance ‘into my shoulders’ in a wetsuit, but other than that I did no open water swimming. Everything was done in the 50m pool. I ran when I could, swam when I could and biked when I could. There was no plan, no schedule and no structure to it. But I wasn’t flying halfway around the world to DNF again, even if it meant walking the whole marathon and finishing in 16 hrs, 59 mins and 59 secs. Out in Arizona riding with Damon (ex All State biker, which means very good) – was great. His riding buddies asked

“The worst thing about an Ironman is waiting for race day – there is so little to do, you end up just hanging around. The classic hurry up and wait. “ if I’d been ‘intima-damon’d’ as they put it. Surprisingly I’d been able to take the pain to Damon and make him suffer for once; riding with him and his brother we’d tried to break each other. The Black Bomber was working well with the disc and being able to put the hurt back on Damon showed me the bike was ok. What wasn’t ok was my knee. Running whilst in Australia had brought on patella tendonitis in my right knee, which was extremely disturbing. It was a DNF concern, so I eased off the running and had to hope my bike fitness would get me through the run. I intended to crawl the 26 miles if I had to. After a week in Arizona it was time to fly to Florida and do what I came to do. The Fear was yet to grip me and I’d only had a couple of ‘Ironman’ dreams, which was in stark contrast to the almost nightly ones I had back in 2006. This showed me it was on my

mind, but that I wasn’t freaked out. Flying into Orlando I had a whopping 6-hour drive to get all the way north to Panama City Beach, but it gave me plenty of time to check out Florida as I drove past! I was staying at the hotel nearest transition (according to the website). What I didn’t realise was that my hotel was literally transition. Of the two car parks one was transition, about a 2 min-walk from my room. The swim start was also directly in front of the hotel (and my room). This paid massive dividends race morning. Once I had checked in, got into the room and put the Black Bomber together, I wandered down to the registration tent and got all the race stuff. The Fear was still nowhere to be seen. Getting there on Wednesday turned out to be another inspired move as the registration queue on Thursday was MASSIVE! So far everything was going very smoothly… Thursday morning I decided to put on my new and unused Helix in the room and popped downstairs straight onto the beach. Guy (from blueseventy) was at the race so it was nice to have someone there to chew the fat with. Dion Harrison, a Brit, was also racing there as a pro. He took up tri 3 years ago and has taken the plunge. He trains out in Boulder with the whole IM crew (Wellington, Alexander etc. etc.) so it was interesting talking to him about Chrissie’s training rides. Out into the ocean and there really was no need for wetsuits; the water was clear, blue and warm – perfect. The only reason to wear a wetsuit was for buoyancy, but I was entertaining the thought of only wearing my swim skin. A sleeveless wetsuit would’ve been ideal but Guy didn’t have one to give to me. Me with Dion, this is the only time I was likely to get anywhere near him in swim gear or the race. He finished in 8hrs 49mins. Feel free to hate him. Global

March 2010 Dom nation 35 Magazine


absolutely caning it! There’s nothing to do at this stage. You’re as fit as you’re going to be, so it was more about spinning the legs out from the drive/flight the day before. The swim that morning had also helped to loosen up the jet lag.

I googled the description of what I saw and this pic came back. It’s EXACTLY what I nearly swam into. It was about twice the size of my head and those tendrils stretched out everywhere.

Out in the ocean it was fairly calm. I hoped it would be like that for race day. Ocean swimming is completely different to swimming in a fresh water lake due to waves, and currents. Then I saw something that set a major alarm bell off – a jellyfish! They were lurking about 15ft under the surface but some were at collision depth. I was 1km out at this point and decided to head back, shitting myself about getting stung. Not because it’s really bad, but the last thing you need is a jellyfish wrapped around your face and getting stung. Heading back I was swimming trying to look out for them, and then I almost hit this ‘thing’ head on. It was like a WWII sea mine, but a jellyfish. I absolutely shat my pants. It looked like a load of jellyfish that had exploded, then stuck together, with tendrils stretching out for about 6ft – loads of them as thin as wires. It really shook me up – imagine swimming head on into that! I got out of the water and had real concerns for the race. I just hoped than the pros and people in front of


36 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

me would bulldoze a path through any of them. With that drama out of the way I went and got some breakfast with Guy and Dion; I told them about the jellyfish and thanked Dion in advance for sweeping them out the way come race day! All day Wedsnesday and Thursday there were hundreds of people out biking and running After lunch I headed out on the Bomber to do 30 mins to see that everything was working correctly. The roads were packed with people riding; some were

Friday morning was transition bag check in, so that night (Thursday) I had to pack the bags. This is one of my worst stresses with Ironman, packing the transition bags. You are utterly convinced that you’ve forgotten some major piece of kit. I just had to keep reminding myself that my hotel room was a hop, skip and jump away from transition and if there was a major disaster I could get whatever it was from my room. Because of the lack of Ironman specific training, I was going to get changed for each leg of the race. My motto is “comfort is king” and you can’t be “too” comfortable in an Ironman. So the Skins bib shorts were going under my wetsuit, with everything else packed in the bags. I was also going to make use of the special needs bags. I hadn’t done this with previous IMs and it’s stupid not to. I put in dry socks, donuts, NUUN and anything else I thought I might need. With everything packed (I hoped) all I had to do was check them into transition Friday morning, along with the Bomber.

The bags packed, I found a Krispy Kreme shop. Those donuts, which were my undoing in training, ended up saving my life on the bike and run…


I was also running an underseat bottle cage on the Bomber, even though I’m not a fan of them. Mike had managed to find a set up he was confident wouldn’t fire the bottles out like a catapult. So I put the spare tub/slime in one cage and had the other free for an energy drink bottle. The bottle on my frame would be filled with SiS gels (13) as I can’t use PowerBar. Also having them in the bottle saves faffing around opening them and having a bento box cutting my knees to pieces. Transition opened at 10am on Friday and after seeing the 3-mile long queue for registration, I was there at 10am on the dot. I was straight into transition and put everything where it needed to be. Things like bottles I could sort on race day morning; you don’t want them there baking the whole day before. Once everything was checked in I felt a lot better, one step nearer to starting the race and getting on with it. I spent the rest of the day doing nothing, other than staying off my feet. I was missing Amy and LillyMae but Ironman is a purely selfish adventure; if they’d have been there I would have had to spend time trekking around with them. I simply lay in my room, eating donuts and watching telly. I ventured out to eat something, but was soon back at the hotel as the hours ticked by. I planned to get up at 4am. Transition opened at 4.30am so I wanted to get straight in there, get last few things sorted, then get back to my room. Around 10.30pm I started trying to get some sleep. But the nervous energy keeps you awake. Before going to sleep I put an Hawaii learning into practice and covered myself in factor 30, giving it all night to soak in.

The Black Bomber on its rack. The next time I’d see it was after the swim. The Reynolds wheelset was courtesy of Mike at Btown, well actually his sister as they’re her wheels.

I think I saw every two hours up till 4am; I got out of bed and was really struck with nerves. It was a good job I didn’t sleep well as I not only DIDN’T switch the radio alarm on, I also set my back up mobile alarm an hour late! There was a buffet breakfast at 5.30pm, which at just 90-mins before the race was way too soon. Bad form on the part of the hotel. I ate my own breakfast in my room; frosted shredded wheat and instead of milk – cream! It was fantastic! Having used semi skimmed milk forever and a day the cream was amazing! I re-covered

myself in factor 30 again, although they say not to do this before body marking as the marker doesn’t stay on. Who gives a shit; being protected from the sun takes priority. I wandered down to transition and it was already pretty full. This is where staying onsite started to pay off. There was no rush, no panic – I had plenty of time and didn’t have to wait to do anything. I pumped my tyres up, put the bottles in the cages and headed back to the room. I was even able to carry out extensive AD in the comfort of porcelain in my room rather than the portaloos. With the TV on. Luxury! I had an hour to kill, perfect to get something else to eat but the nerves had totally killed my appetite. At 6am I started to get into my wetsuit and packed my dry clothes bag for after the race. Heading down stairs and dropping that bag off – I prayed for the moment I’d see it again because the race would be over.

The woman at bag check told me this was the swim exit, and my bag was in a great spot. This was not the swim exit, unless you were a pro... Global

March 2010 Dom nation 37 Magazine


2,500 people on the beach. The ex-SGM is the one in the wetsuit with a red hat on...

Heading down to the swim just how many people were taking part struck me: 2,500 – all on the beach and all waiting to get in the water. There was also a hurricane brewing in the south gulf; this meant that the winds were gusting and the sea had a swell, not white cap waves but a rolling swell. It was like a mill pond on Thursday. Typical – come race morning it’s rolling all over the place. I also wasn’t sure how the disc was going to take the gusting winds. With 2,500 people and the sea conditions I knew any sort of IM swim PB was out the window; it was going to be about what all Ironmans are about – getting to the finish line.

Putting some of my own advice into practice I pushed my way to the front and far right of the crowd. There was a sand bank 50m in from of me which I could run to and then run across before diving in and swimming. This would put me 150m out into the swim already whereas the people nearest the buoys would have to swim all of that. Most people try and hang at the back to “stay out of trouble” but all you’re doing is putting yourself in the highest density of people and where you’re more likely to have problems. Better to start at the front with fewer people than at the back where you can’t move. I went for a 15-minute warm up in the ocean – it was nice and warm,


38 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

and clear. I tried not to think about the jellyfish! As soon as I got in my goggles leaked. I was using my trusty AS Eagles as I simply can’t get the Vista to work. I’d had no problems with these Eagle’s but true to Ironman form – they leaked as soon as I got in the water. I diagnosed the problem as having lotion on my face and slight skin “shrinkage” due to the fresh morning. This was stopping them from getting a good seal. So I tightened them one click each side and this seemed to do the trick. You have to be really careful when doing this; just one click too tight and by 2.5km you’ll be feeling like you’re having a brain haemorrhage. At 6.45am we were called out of the water for the pro start at 6.50am...


We all cheered the pros away, with me thinking “clear the jellyfish, clear the jellyfish!”. I also realised that all the nerves had gone; I was actually ready to race! And I was even looking forward to it! At 7am sharp the cannon went off and the migrating salmon charged into the ocean. My run to the sand bank scheme paid off massively and as I dived into the water and starting swimming I was actually in line with the leaders! This obviously didn’t last long, but I wasn’t in the washing machine either. It was actually fairly civilised up to the 1st turn buoy, a little bit of argy bargy – but when you get “hemmed in” just take a massive sighting stroke and see if there’s clear water the other side of who’s hemming you in. Sure enough there usually is and I swim over the back of them to get to it; never stop – just get to it. It might not be nice for them – but the day is about survival. Things were ok until the 1st turn, then the swell hit. It was strong enough so that when you were on your side breathing it nearly rolled you completely over. Also the washing machine I’d managed to avoid caught up. So I was now in a full aqua ruck getting rolled all over the show.

“The rolling swell had me feeling sea-sick and on the home stretch I ‘gipped’ a few times.“ Back into the ocean and it was washing machine all the way. I started swimming through what looked like tiny pieces of an exploded jellyfish, which someone must’ve swam though and destroyed. Thinking some poor bastard now had a face like a blood orange I realised that the jellyfish wouldn’t break up like that. I then realised what it was: someone had thrown up and I was swimming through the aftermath. Nice. Back to the surf and the fight to get out of the ocean. Running up the beach I was disappointed with the 1 hr 18min swim time, but glad it was over and that I had avoided any jellyfish. I wanted to make use of the wetsuit “rippers” but the “ripping” area was like some sort of S&M beach party gone wrong. Realising I was going to be there for 30 mins, I had to fight my way through to get to the transition area. It was a nice wide runway and with everyone in the

“ripping’”area I had plenty of space to do the old kick ‘n’ flick, which I did with shouts of approval and applause from the crowd lining the runway. We then had to run the length of transition (picking up our bike bags on the way) to run back the length of transition into a massive building to get changed. By now at least 5 mins had passed since getting out of the water! Running through the building I found a spot to get changed. I sprayed sun block all over myself, got everything on including my cycling jersey and a handy helper shoved everything in my bag for me. I then tied the bag but with the adrenalin I ripped the cord clean off. I then tried to tie the bag off with the minutes ticking by! Once that was done I had to run the length of transition (again) before finally getting to the Black Bomber. There’s about 3 million people in transition to help and not only do they get your bag for you as you approach your bike someone finds it for you. This was why my T1 was a whopping 11 mins, even if I wasn’t getting changed and had no problems it would’ve been at least 5 mins because of all the running here, there and everywhere. I grabbed the Bomber, jumped on and now it was a simple matter of 112 miles.

It was a real drag back, a Bala-esque never ending swim to the beach. I got to the surf and stood up just 50m from the beach, fell over, got up, fell over, got up and looked at my watch which said 34 mins. However by the time I got to the beach, up the beach and over the timing mat a couple of minutes had gone by. Then you have to run along the beach and diagonally across the surf to get going again. I’d say this getting in/out arrangement added 3–5 mins onto my time rather than simply swimming the 3.8km flat. But it is great for spectators, which is why they do it.

The aqua ruck at IMFL in full force. Ex-SGM is off to the right somewhere Pic: DCrainmaker


March 2010 Dom nation Magazine


“Having made a massive deal about drafting at the race brief, there wasn’t a single bike that wasn’t in someone’s draft box.“ It was a great morning with blue sky and sunshine. The wind was gusty but for now it was behind me. Cycling along I was going through a mental check list, which was a bit daft as I’d already left transition. Cycling along trying to keep it mellow I was surprised to see 24mph on the speedo. Getting down on the bars and and setting my pace, this was 25mph with no more than 150bpm on the HRM. Everyone had also been told to stay right unless overtaking, but obviously everyone gets “middlelane-it-is” and stays left. I was blasting past everyone staying as far left as I could; I didn’t want any chance of a drafting penalty. I was passing people at an alarming rate, so much so I started to second guess if I was going too fast. I wasn’t; it was dead on target – so I went with it and enjoyed overtaking rather than being overtaken for once. 10 miles in 26 mins and I was still “within limits” and actually having a good time. The disc was making this amazing “swoosh” noise which is addictive to hear and actually tells you if you’re going fast enough – no swoosh you’re too slow. The nutrition plan for me was simple – simple works. Trying to work out calorie per hour feeding rates per bodyweight will just have you tied in knots: 1 x SiS gels every 30 mins 1 x bottle energy drink per hour 1 x SiS smart gel per hour Drafting at IMFL has become almost legendary. This year there were quite a few picked up on camera... Global

40 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

I don’t have bars on the bike as I can’t tolerate them – but I did have two protein bars with me. The protein is important to take a break from the carbicide and also helps you metabolise stuff. Problem being the Gatorade poisoning meant I couldn’t tackle these bars.

The half bottle of Gatorade/SiS gel did not go down. I started to feel ropey almost immediately, and I felt worse with each minute. This wasn’t helped by turning onto a road directly into a stiff headwind, which was straight for 15 miles. All you could see was a rolling road into the horizon...

Coming to an aid station at mile 20 I downed half a bottle of energy drink, had a gel (large mouthful from my bottle) and tossed the half empty Gatorade bottle. The Gatorade came in the bottles you’d get from a vending machine. Another problem was the bottle drops were right at the beginning and end of aid stations. Meaning you had to multitask FAST to get everything done before the end of the aid station and drop what you need to drop. Any litter dropped away from an aid station is an instant DQ if spotted. As a result, the aid stations were a nightmare as everyone weaved around all over the place dropping bottles all over the road. You had to be on your guard and ready to bunny hop any errant bottles.

I hunkered down in the bars trying to make myself as aero as possible. The wind wasn’t devastating, but it was stiff – and seeing the road disappear into the horizon it was becoming an early test mentally. I really wanted to throw up, but I knew that the relief would only be short term with the long-term consequences being more dire. So I decided it was best to beast it out and let it work itself out. It was also on this road I saw the largest pelotons outside of the TDF! They were unbelievable, 30-rider strong pelatons. The draft marshals did jack shit about it because they couldn’t; instead they busted individual people for not passing within 20 secs. This really pissed me off, especially after the huge song and dance the bike course


director made about drafting. Having worked my moobs off getting past 3 of these huge pelotons whilst trying not to throw up, we turned at mile 35 and got out of the headwind. This coincided with feeling better, which was great news. Whilst not being able to drink Gatorade was a calorie problem that would hurt me on the run, there was nothing I could do about it. So I just had to look forward to the Krispy Kreme donut in my special needs bag at mile 49. I wasn’t really in any dices with anyone and after 35 miles still hadn’t been overtaken, which was really virgin territory for me. The aid stations were about 30 mins apart, and as before you had to be on your game as everyone weaves everywhere dropping everything. Another turn was made and we had a tailwind, meaning I was staying above 25mph for most of the way; it was great. The course was still clogged with bikes though Unlike a normal IM where you get spread out it was still a steady line of bikes all within each others

...and on video. Ex-SGM is at the front of this lot, if you watch the whole thing on YouTube.

“draft box”. Being a single 112mile loop meant there were absolutely no crowds or support. The roads were also open. Flying along an open dual carriageway was a bit of an eye-opener as American car drivers are even more myopic than UK ones. But with the pelotons behind me and after 50 miles the bikes finally started to thin out to something resembling the usual bike leg spread. The special needs station arrived and I stopped to get my bag. I whacked a tonne of Vaseline between my legs and got the donut out. Getting going again I unfolded the foil and ate half of it – a glazed strawberry…mmmm... This perked me up, but not for long. Passing the 56-mile point in 2 hrs 40 mins I knew I was within a shout of cracking under 5 hrs 30 mins. But as I approached 60 miles something happened and I started to lose my mojo. This normally happens around the 80-mile mark but for some reason I started to break at 60 miles. This was compounded by turning onto a road which had cracks in it just wide enough for your tyres, meaning a bone jarring B-BOOM, B-BOOM as your front and back wheel passed over in quick succession. It was like rattling along on a train – B-BOOM, B-BOOM, B-BOOM. The road was littered with bottles,

pumps, CO2, tyres and anything else that was capable of falling off a bike due to these fucking cracks. It went on and on and on and on and on... my feet started hurting, little Conehead had gone completely numb, my butt crack was killing me – the saddle felt like a razor blade. Like I said, this normally happens around mile 80 as you lose the will to live and realise you’ve still got 32 miles to cycle and a marathon to run. But for whatever reason this was happening now and the road was killing me. My feet were becoming unbearable. Not because the cleats or shoes were too tight – it was a simple lack of LSD training on the bike. Realising the wheels were falling off I downed a gel, 2 anadin extra and a bite of donut. Within 10 minutes I was feeling better and cracked on just as the cracked road ended. The timing mat was placed at 73 miles for some reason; it was a dead leg turn which means you cycle down it for 2½ miles before simply heading back the way you came. Unfortunately it was a cracked road and again littered with bike accessories. My feet also started killing me again. Just as I reached the timing mat I did something which you must NEVER do – I got off the bike...


March 2010 Dom nation 41 Magazine


You should never do this; once you’re off the bike it’s hard to get back on. But my feet were hurting so much they were slowing me down. So I made the potentially catastrophic decision to get off the bike and take my feet out of my shoes and stretch them. This was a mistake because I did it before the timing mat which was just feet away, so my 1st split average of 19.9mph was more like 20–21mph as I faffed about for 2–3 mins with my feet. I stretched my feet out, got back on and cracked on. The rest of the bike was uneventful other than a real mental struggle to keep going obviously. Keep going, keep aero, keep the “swoosh” noise going on disc, keep going, keep aero, keep the “swoosh” noise going on disc, keep going... you get the picture. At the 80-mile point I was entering the ‘zone’. This is where you’ve been on the go since 4am, it’s lunchtime and you’ve had nothing but gels or whatever. You start to break mentally going from euphoria to depression and back to euphoria again. I’ve been here before, experienced it before and you simply go with it. By now everything hurts and you just want the bike to be over; problem is there’s another 32 miles to go. You simply have to ride the emotional waves and keep the legs moving. By mile 90 I’d picked up a drafter; I could see his shadow one bike length behind my shadow. This initially really pissed me off, but the guy shouted asking how many miles we had left. “22 miles to go” I shouted. He then told me to keep biking and going strong, and that I looked great. On my trip computer I had 3 of Lilly-Mae’s bracelets to provide an emotional crutch. I kept glancing down at them and remembering her asking if they’d help me win the race. The guy behind kept shouting encouragement to me and (I never thought I’d say this) it was helping having him there. Lilly-Mae prepares his drinks solutions, and also keeps Darren going through the event. Global

42 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

“Keep going, keep aero, keep the “swoosh” noise going on disc...” He was shouting at me to stay strong and I was trying to drop him – I was fading fast mentally so I was willing to take anything from anyone to keep me going. My feet started killing me again and I worked out a trick to ease them without having to stop. As to what that is, it’s something for the LD rookies next April! With my new foot relief trick in place, and my drafting motivator I covered the last 22 miles of the bike in 55 mins, which even I feel comfortable with saying is actually fast. The guy was behind me the whole way, and I wasn’t angry with him but the marshals who did nothing about it. Would I have gone that fast at the end unless he was there? Probably not. I knew I was going get a sub 5 hr 30 min-bike and whilst my watch said 5 hrs 22 mins the official time was 5 hr 26 mins. Either way I was ecstatic and to actually get off the bike was heaven. The crowd was going crazy and my draft motivator slapped me on the back

and told me I was amazing. Being my 3rd Ironman I savoured the “off the bike” feeling – it was something I’d been praying for for the last 2 hours. Grabbing my run bag it was back into the comedy changing area where everyone was sat in chairs getting changed. My transition helper dumped my stuff out of the bag for me and put my bike gear in the same bag as I handed it to him. Glancing around everyone had a familiar shellshocked look on their face. You feel completely spaced out and you’re half moving on instinct. I changed into my running gear and did the zig zag run around transition to get out onto the run. There was a huge crowd cheering and I used this to lift me as I jogged out onto the course. I felt surprisingly okay and certainly better than at Hawaii earlier in the year. This feeling lasted about 1 minute before I nearly went into a mental meltdown. The plan was to take one of Lilly-Mae’s bracelets off the bike and put it on my wrist for the run to keep me going; in my haste to get the fuck off the bike I’d forgotten to do this. I then also realised my sunglasses were now in my transition bag with my helmet. This double whammy almost made


switch was ”off” I simply walked. As 13 miles approached at 2 hrs 15 mins I was still talking myself into a sub 5-hour marathon, buoyed by the fact my knee was completely fine. Running up to the finish line and timing mat, the crowds were cheering – at the turnaround all I had to do was one more time... But this is Ironman, and the wheels are only held on by the smallest of threads.

Stock Ex-SGM picture of physical and mental decline. Florida was like this, but hotter and darker.

me immediately burst into tears but I managed to whimper on trying to gather myself. The sunglasses situation wasn’t as dire as I thought. I had my running cap on to keep the sun off my face and it got dark at 5pm, so I would be still on the marathon in the dark – no need for the carbon Oakley’s. It did bring home though how emotionally fragile I was, and how the smallest thing can bring the sketchy house of cards crashing down around you. The plan for the run was to try and get a 4½ hour marathon by sticking as close to 9 min miles as possible.

“Feeling as okay as I did I started convincing myself I could negative split the marathon. I would surely pick up the pace, re-jig my mojo and all would be well with the world. “

I knew there were three major obstacles to this: my lack of running fitness, the lack of calories on the bike and the tendonitis in my right knee. How this was going to pan out I had no idea but a DNF was not an option. I figured that even if my knee exploded I had enough time to the walk the entire marathon, I had no idea that I was about to walk at least half of it. I got through the first 3 miles in 30 mins, ok not awesome but no slower than Hawaii and I still felt okay. I ran on and after an hour had gone 6 miles, but it was getting harder – a lot harder. By this point I was getting the first inkling that a 4½ hour marathon might not be possible and a 11½ hour finish. I walked each aid station but found myself walking further and further past them before breaking into a jog again. It wasn’t that I was so exhausted I couldn’t get going; I felt semi okay – I just couldn’t get my legs to run. But when I did get going I also couldn’t stop. It was like an “on/off” switch, once I was jogging the switch was “on” and I just moved in that motor pattern. But if the

Sure enough soon after the halfway point I got slower and slower, walking more and more. The sun went down and with it my will to live. The lack of run fitness and energy drink free ride came home to roost, and each mile stretched on endlessly. I would sweat profusely, then none at all. I would either have a raging thirst, or not at all. The mere thought of drinking Gatorade would make me heave in my mouth. I was also back on the euphoria/depression emotional rollercoaster, convinced I was going to finish in a blaze of glory one minute to hating myself, everyone and everything for being there the next. The moments stretched on for hours as the miles refused to pass; it was death by a million steps. I tried to find positives in the euphoric moments. I didn’t need to douse myself with ice water or sponges which meant my feet were dry, which meant no blisters. The plan to run between aid stations had broken down; at each aid station I was taking some orange slices, grapes, water and pretzels. I desperately needed energy, but gels or Gatorade were out of the question. I simply couldn’t stomach them. Everything was hurting: my feet, legs, arms, shoulders, elbows – everything. With each excruciatingly slow mile the 11½ hour finish time, became sub 12 hours, then simply hoping for sub 12½. I was suddenly gripped by hunger at mile 17 and started to go more awry mentally.


March 2010 Dom nation 43 Magazine


Confusing one part of the course with another, the mile markers were wrong, my HRM was wrong – I was going a longer route to anyone else. It’s like being in a nightmare except you’re awake and putting yourself through it. At the far end of the lap you had to make a circle around a park and it was totally pitch black. Everyone had glosticks on them somewhere, making it look like I was at a rave that had gone hideously wrong. As I’d started in the daylight I didn’t have a glo-stick. By now I’d lost count of the people that had overtaken me, at least all the people on the bike plus a tonne more. I just had to keep picking my feet up and moving forward. I tried to make myself run for 5 mins, walk for 5 mins, but the “on/off” switch got worse and I either ran for 2 mins or 12 mins – I seemed to have little or no control over what I did. The only thing I was able to do was stay tall when running and pick my knees up. With each passing minute I sank deeper and deeper into a manic depression. The aid stations were now giving chicken soup out; it had no calorific benefit but it was the only thing I wanted. It did nothing to keep me going physically but helped psychologically.

“Everyone had glo-sticks on them somewhere, making it look like I was at a rave that had gone hideously wrong. “ At mile 22 the “on switch” suddenly activated and I entered an inexplicable euphoric high – knowing to ride these waves I went with it and jogged to mile 23. The “off switch” kicked in and despite my best efforts I sank down into depression mode on the verge of bursting into tears right up to mile 25. I then forced the “on switch” to work and jogged the longest, most painful mile I’m likely to jog in my life. During this mile my hands suddenly started vibrating; it was a cross between pins and needles and my hands being on a power plate. This was due to electrolyte imbalance and the beginning of a serious physical breakdown that was likely to end in the medical tent with a drip. A handful of pretzels seemed to ease the symptoms but my whole body was doing that after Hawaii, so I knew it wasn’t catastrophic just yet. Frankly I didn’t care; the effort required to be

bothered about anything was still on the course somewhere. Approaching the finish chute I could hear the announcer shouting the classic “You are an Ironman” and this kept my legs moving. Rounding the corner I somehow had the thought of mind to check behind me to make sure I wasn’t going to cross the line at same time as someone else and end up with their name across the finish line. Sure enough some complete penis decided to sprint the last 50m to beat me in. I let him go and as it turned out it wasn’t the sort of finish that has your name on your time like the big European races. I walked across the line to “Darren Roberts you are an Ironman!” You never get bored of hearing that, and to know it was over was a massive relief. Standing for the photo I limped forward whilst the helpers removed my chip, gave me my hat, t-shirt and medal – asking if I was okay. The race had taken more out of me emotionally and physically than the previous two. This meant that I had nothing left to celebrate. Make no mistake, I knew it was a massive achievement – finishing any IM in any time is. But I was so broken mentally and physically I had no way of celebrating. Not having anyone there, whilst fantastic in the week, was now a nightmare. I was incapable of making any sort of decision and wandered vacantly around the finish area not sure what to do. I managed to point myself in the direction of the hotel and headed off like a zombie. Crashing into the room and falling into a bath, I almost instantly fell asleep. I couldn’t quite believe it was over; at any moment I expected to wake up and find myself on the road somewhere staring at mile markers. I was comprehensively shell-shocked.

About an hour after the race, Darren demonstrates the correct posture for recovery in the bar, with NZ pro racer Guy Crawford. Pic: Dion Harrison


Dom nation March 2010 Magazine


There’ s a lot more detail to this story and more to come, but that’s going to be in the book. Whilst this race sounds hideous, and anyone doing IM next year is reading this with a dry mouth and sweaty palms – don’t worry. You need to accept certain things. At some point in the race you will be physically and mentally broken, but not necessarily at the same time. Just know that these things happen, then ride that wave when it does. The one thing I was able to comprehend after the race was my redemption. The IMUK DNF was exorcised and I was now an Ironman again. I had quite literally been there, done it and got the t-shirt. Now a few days later that’s what I’m left with, not

the massive sense of achievement or the weight lifted from my shoulders, but a quiet contentment that I’m an Ironman again and the choices I made from September 2008. I didn’t train specifically for it, but I was in good shape, albeit not Ironman specific shape, and I’m more than happy with my performance. 11½ hours would’ve been nice, but with 20 mins in transitions and a 5 hr 20 min marathon that didn’t happen. I thought the bike was fantastic, again more than happy with it despite the poisoning. I would like to go under 12 hours and get past the 11½ hour mark, but that means going back to the darkside in terms of training. This time I did all the family stuff, work

and never told myself I had to do something. I just made it up as I went along – as I always harp on about, the means determine the end and my means (my training) determined a 12hr 25 min-finish. As for the future, the triathlon odyssey continues. Am I going to do another Ironman? Arizona is a race I want to do, and if I get a place then yep. But if I don’t get in then that’s also totally fine! Three Ironman races are more than enough for me to have under my belt and I’ve explored my emotional and physical limits plenty! I’ll find out on 23rd November if I’m doing this dance again!


DISTANCE (36:31) 1.2 mi. (41:30) 2.4 mi. (1:18:01)

PACE 1:55/100m 2:11/100m 2:03/100m




73 mi. (3:40:05) 39 mi. (1:46:11) 112 mi. (5:26:16)

19.90 mph 22.04 mph 20.60 mph




6 mi. (1:02:55) 7.4 mi. (1:28:47) 5.6 mi. (1:10:19) 7.2 mi. (1:38:26) 26.2 mi. (5:20:27)

10:29/mile 11:59/mile 12:33/mile 13:40/mile 12:13/mile




TIME 11:52 9:04

SWIM 1:18:01

BIKE 5:26:16

RUN 5:20:27

OVERALL 12:25:40


RANK 1132

DIV.POS. 226 Global

March 2010 Dom nation 45 Magazine

MEMBERSHIP 2010 £30 gets you some, or all of the following:

It’s time to cough up to keep the club ticking over. When you think of all the great things that this club has achieved in the last year how can you not? Page 24 of this mag alone is worth at least £5. The club kit is freaking awesome! Want to join or renew? If you aren’t a member already then read the three options below and make sure you know which one applies to you. All are welcome at the BCTTT. If you are interested in joining us, please fill out the form on the website at http://bcttt. com/join/ and we will send you a membership application. The membership fee is a paltry £30 which, let’s face it, is nothing when weighted against being part of triathlon global domination by being at the back.

• 25% off Aquasphere products • 20% off Skins products • Discounts on request for BlueSeventy products. • £5 off open water Chase Race events. We are working on discounts for other races and will put information out if / when it happens. • 40% off EAS products • 30% off PAS products • NUUN and Punishing events discounts hope to be annouced shortly. • This mag, 4 times a year, before the rest of the world sees it!

If you want to renew then look out for the emails coming from Conehead or Mrs C shortly. If you are a member and aren’t sure if you want to stay with us then don’t forget, we probably have flying ninja monkeys and know where you live...

• Reduced membership of the BTF (£10 off )

1. I have some sort of mountain bike/hybrid thing, not exactly sure what it is but it’s a bike – I know that much. I have little or no equipment and simply make do with what I have to hand. My main aim is to finish before the race marshals have to go home. I do this sport because I love it, love the people and it’s not about the kit you have. It’s a great way to stay in shape and meet fun people.

• CTT affiliation

2. I have the best bike I can afford, try to make sure I have the majority of the kit I need to race and train as often as my home life and work allow. I might not have everything I want, but I’ve got what I need. My main aim is to train and race as often as I can, stay out of trouble and try to beat my time every time I race whilst trying to have fun! 3. I have £4,000 worth of carbon bike porn which I parade happily up and down transition. My main aim is to win my age group and hopefully podium at every race I enter. If it comes in carbon, I probably own it and my garage resembles a triathlon boutique shop. You will never see me with anything triathlon related that is more than a season old. I would also sell one of my organs to secure Ironman Hawaii qualification. I may have a wife/husband/girlfriend/ partner but it’s that long since I’ve actually seen them it’s hard to be sure.


46 Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

• Access to training plans for Sprint, Olympic and Ironman distances, and to Hussler for personal 1-1 coaching (prices negotiated)

• Members rates on Rookie training days, Long distance days and Maintenance Days • Exclusive access to club kit • BCTTT Global Domination Triathlon Symposium, May 2010 • Novelty ice-scraper for your car • Club champs, club awards • A reduced threat of WAT organised ninjas or flying monkeys

Your money goes to a great cause – those pelotons at IMFL wouldn’t have stood a chance if Darren had a bigger bike. You can help.

carbondiculous Not a company to shy away from innovation, Oakley have come up with this, the C SIX. Not just fake carbon fibre sunglasses, but made from one solid block of carbon fibre which takes over 24 hours to be CNC machined. Coming in at a whopping $4,000 (£2,500 approx) you might as well get a few pairs to cover the inevitable “left in the hire car”, and our personal favourite, “flew off on the big dipper at Blackpool Pleasure beach”. Wednesday, November 11, 2009 – Foothill Ranch, California At Oakley headquarters in Foothill Ranch, CA, the first pair of C SIX eyewear was sold and went home with its proud new owner, Robert Lang – the first person in the WORLD to own a pair of C SIX sunglasses. When you’re lashing $4,000 on a pair of sunnys it’s a special occasion, so special that he was greeted personally by Oakley CEO Colin Baden as well as Senior Design Director Peter Yee (who himself designed C SIX). Together, Colin and Peter provided Robert with a tutorial on the eyewear – a one on one opportunity few in the world will ever get.

“The Carbon RZR represents what blueseventy is all about,” says blueseventy CEO Steve Nicholls. “We believe in crafting the best possible products that combine cutting-edge technology and unmatched comfort so you can get on with what is really important – in the case of goggles, swimming faster and seeing clearly.” All we know is the important things, they’re triathlon related and made of carbon – is there really anything else we need to know? Triathlon is a sport not scared of looking for weight savings in equipment, and we all know how heavy normal non-carbon swimming goggles are. We’ve all been crying out for our favourite lightweight black composite to be utilised in swimming goggles – and thankfully blueseventy have stepped up to the mark. At a poxy £69.99 can you really afford NOT to have a pair?


The Carbon RZR is the lightest, strongest and fastest goggle on the market.


oakley c six

$4,000 (£2,500)

Each issue we try and bring you information on the thing we covet most and the products that are made out of it – carbon. Being the BCTTT though, it’s carbondiculous!


March 2010 Dom nation 47 Magazine

D EEP HOLE With global domination comes our contacts that reach the very upper echelons of the sporting industry. One such contact is “deep hole’”..


48 Domination Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

Every issue we try and bring you the latest gossip and insider info from the world of triathlon. Being the best triathlon club in the known universe means we have contacts in the very upper echelons of the sport who can give us an exclusive heads up – one such contact is “Deep Hole*”. Seeing the chalk mark on the loose brick across the road, BCTTT founder Conehead again risked life and limb to collect “the take” from the dead drop. Here’s what Deep Hole had to say. Swim skins have been around since 2006 in triathlon, but they’ve been a fixture in one form or another in pool swimming for what seems like forever, along with the controversy. FINA, the governing body for swimming, seems to have a seemingly never-ending “vagueness” about what is and isn’t legal. Just when there seemed to be clarity Speedo would bring another suit out and the “is it or isn’t it” cloud would hang over the whole subject again. Suits that were legal one year were not the next. Or might be, or could be – or not. For want of anything better the WTC and triathlon as a sport adopts FINA rules as to what is or isn’t legal when it comes to all things swimming – but also makes its own rules up on some things. So when it comes to M Dot branded races where it’s too hot to wear a wetsuit (Kona), the emergence of the swim skin at the World Champs in 2007 was not without sharp intakes of breath as old ladies clutched their handbags to their chest in shock. WTC’s head of commissaries, Jim Riccitello, was uneasy from the beginning about the new swim skins popping up at his non-wetsuit-legal Ironman races. While acknowledging they are nowhere near as fast as wetsuits, he swam in them himself during his own evaluation and said at the time, “They are buoyant. You can feel the buoyancy when you swim.” That year winner Normann Stadler and perennial women’s winner Natascha Badmann both swam in blueseventy’s swim skin. Triathlon’s test for legality is a weight limit of 61 grams per suit, wrung free of air and placed a foot or two under the water’s surface, as well as not being more than 0.03mm thick. If the suit sinks it’s legal, otherwise it’s not. Riccitello remained unconvinced that this protocol was foolproof. He tested the same suits in the same way as USAT, but in some cases had different results. Ultimately the WTC sent a letter to its pro athletes attending non-wetsuit Ironman races saying all swim skins must be approved by FINA or by USAT’s head of officials, Charlie Crawford. The letter went on to read, “Ironman reserves the right to perform buoyancy tests on suits after the swim portion of the race... swimwear not passing the buoyancy test cannot be appealed.”

That was all in 2007 and the impending “illegality” of the swim skins in triathlon pioneered by blueseventy seemed all but certain. But the issue dragged on, with FINA declaring the suits legal and with almost 70% of competitors at the 2007 World Champs in a swim skin (Chrissie W included) it seemed that perhaps the swim skin was here to stay. Elsewhere though in the swimming world, Speedo’s constant innovation was brought to a head at the Beijing Olympics and soon after FINA announced all sorts of changes that meant all sorts of things were illegal, some of which it had previously said wasn’t. Trying to keep track of who said what and which suits you could/couldn’t wear was proving almost as arduous a task as competing in a race itself. But sweeping changes to the rules by FINA on pool-based swim skins inevitably brought the spotlight back onto the world of triathlon. By now of course everyone had joined the triathlon swim skin party: TYR, Aqua Sphere and of course the ubiquitous Speedo. Having already banned then “un-banned” compression socks, the WTC is now it seems set to ban swim skins from its nonwetsuit races. Don’t expect any clarity on the matter though, with USAT allowing swim skins in any USAT sanctioned race where wetsuits are banned. Without any official announcement it’s hard to say what the WTC’s reasons are, but all you need to know is blueseventy’s PZ3 range of swim skins along with everyone else’s are likely to be banned for their non-wetsuit races. On a totally unrelated note, USAT has no rules on wetsuit thickness, so as a result DeSoto has produced a suit with 10mm thickness in places whereas in Europe this is limited to 5mm. It’s easy to imagine the buoyant effects of 10mm around the trunk, but with 10mm people must be practically floating on top of the water! California 70.3 has supposedly stipulated istipulated no suits over 5mm thick in its race instructions sending DeSoto 10mm suit buyers into a panic – as per usual nothing but confusion reigns with no-one really sure what’s going on. Will swim skins be banned? If there is a ban it will probably be for the Ironman World Champs at Kona, meaning swim skins will be legal for non-wetsuit races up till that point. Then from Kona onwards it will be strictly ‘no swim skins’ – assuming there is a ban. Of course, that’s not until October and the behind-thescenes political machinations are of course huge. Triathlon is a massive sport with vasts sums of money involved and trying to decipher what is or isn’t going to happen is very difficult to predict – all I’m saying is watch this space.

*Deep Hole may or may not exist, speak the truth or make things up on the spot. Nothing Deep Hole says should be believed or repeated or given any credence whatsoever. The BCTTT reserves the right to deny everything and say nothing... Global

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Dom nation March 2010 Magazine

BCTTT VITAL STATISTICS Each issue we draw some stats from the club membership, or reveal the results of a poll vote among the masses. This time round we found out about how tight we are with races and how old we will all be next birthday...

* WHAT AGE GROUP WILL YOU BE RACING IN 2010? *Note, Hussler is in 30-34 now, so best avoid that one.

HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK THE AVERAGE POOL SPRINT RACE* SHOULD COST TO ENTER? *Notionally, 400m pool sprint at Upton-upon-Dupton, deepest darkest Ox-Wilts-Mid-shire. All 104 of Jack’s caveats apply.

So far we’ve learned that a bunch of mostly middle aged people want to spend £33. But then statistics are great – you can ignore almost all the bits that you don’t agree with to fit your agenda. Which means the trend is obviously youth and poverty.


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In a new regular feature, we meet the people behind the triathlon brands. We think we know the brands because of the elites that wear/use them, but who are the people behind them? Always present in the background, but almost always anonymous, the people that physically get the kit into the athletes’ hands at races are as integral as the coach. Blueseventy products are used by some of the fastest and best known athletes in world, often they were supported as un-knowns and pay blueseventy back by remaining loyal despite big money offers from other brands. Chrissie Wellington, Alistair Brownlee and a host of others choose to race in blueseventy. So they must be doing something right. Dean Jackson is blueseventy in the UK, and also one of the many people BCTTT founder Conehead hassles to death for free stuff – as well as a healthy discount for the club of course.

Who are you? Dean, Deano or De-an when I have annoyed the wife…JACKSON.

What do you do? Some would say I work wonders, others say I talk too much about triathlon and the end product is a sales and marketing role for blueseventy…oh and let me add wwhhhoooohhooooaarrrr hhooaarrrr It’s global!

How did you get into triathlon? Harvey, a normal guy from Derby held a duathlon in 1984. Idid it, liked it and realised I was a great runner but not a great biker. Duathlon had me, then duathlon started disappearing and even Harvey stopped doing his duathlon. I tried swimming, oh Lord! I then discovered my cycling and swimming needed work.

How did you get the job? I founded my own running store in 1988 (The Derby Runner) and after 2 years went to work for Brookes running shoes, then on to Etonic, Spalding, ASICS UK, Orca, Quintana Roo, Litespeed and then finally my dream job blueseventy , thanks to being asked by Nuun founder Tim Moxey to help him out. I love the fact there cannot be many who have worked swim, bike and run.

How difficult do FINA make things? **&^%*!£ *?<@! That They made it hell last year; they confused the swimmer, the manufacturers and ripped the enjoyment out of pool swimming for us. Picture the scene; you sell 40,000 swim skins that totally kick ass in terms of durability and performance, then overnight the governing body makes the useless statement that some suits “may” trap air!!!!! Guess what, you get 40,000 phone calls asking what do they do next. It was sheer madness for all swim brands and you have to say is enough to put the new brands off the sport.


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All done though we are still here and still enjoying developments in the pool. The great thing from this experience was also the knowledge of hydro-dynamics and what really makes a suit fast in the water We learnt so much that we know we can produce products that outshine all others in the category.

What’s the future of B70? Triathlon clothing is our most exciting arena to enter currently. We have plans to evolve in new areas, but we will only do so with caution and a realisation you cannot do everything overnight. We will research, test, research and test some more until we are happy we cannot do any more.

Carbon goggles? You gotta love that right? Light, strong, optimal clarity and all for less than a Zipp bottle cage...we should be selling them for more.

What should people look for in a wetsuit and goggles? Fit, fit, fit. Sure you can pay £650 for a suit, but does it fit well? Same with goggles…also will they fit well. Quality of materials is also key. Neoprene can come from many places; there are lots of cheap suits and poor quality, so beware. You need to buy where there is expertise, and understanding of materials and their interaction with the body and the water.

Worst thing?

Anything presented by the world’s greatest event organisers “Punishing events” (not my brother guv”nor. Honest) My coach is working me into peak fitness for an event in March He says I should get back to my great junior duathlon days with his help. We shall see!

Do you want to be in the BCTTT?

Best thing about your job? The company. It is just to cool too describe; we work hard, we train hard and yeah, we will drink and have a few beers while we dream up products and ideas for promotion. The company is reactive, forward thinking and not stuffy at all. My hours are long, my day is full, but I can influence a product or plan and that is very satisfying.

Any triathlons coming up?

Have you ever been in a room with a midget and a pony? No. It was in an auditorium and the crowd all paid good money to see it... wow, he needed a stool.

Yes. I keep asking, but I feel somewhat black-balled, and I am hoping this interview gives me my honorary place with the country’s most fun group of die hards. Also I want to be close to Darren; I love the way he dresses in women’s clothes for me… Oh, and I would like to thank my two labradoodles for training with me in the mornings. Blair, Lillee, you are the best I have ever run with.

E-mails. Why the hell does the world not talk to each other any more? Hate it.

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Readers Rides Argon 18 Krypton aka Battlecat

Battlecat was borne out of the need to have some decent carbon bling. Let’s face it, if I feel faster then by nature I am faster. I originally had a Claud Butler San Remo 2008 model, which to all intents in purposes was crap. You can add garnish to a burnt dinner. You can add some salad, sauce and veg but the simple fact is the dinner is still burnt. The same could be said for the old CB… I could stick a set of Zipp wheels on it and it’d still be crap. How could I possibly take this seriously if my bike was crap? I mentioned to the WAT officer that I


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needed a new bike. If I was going to make this sport work I needed a bike, and a good bike at that. After much persuasion and some serious WAT a call was made to Bridgtown that I was looking for a bike. Now I know the square root of jack shit about bikes and given this and my limited budget Mike was ace with me. He gave me the lowdown on what I could get and he advised me get to get a good frame and then eventually build the bike around that.

lovely. Argon 18 Krypton, Shimano 105, Fulcrum 5 wheels, Bontrager seat and post... I couldn’t wait to pick her up.

Mike kindly sent me a photo of my first piece of bike porn… she was

The Argon was quick but I wasn’t… still there’s time to work on that.

Her maiden voyage was Chase Race, the day after I picked it up and I could immediately feel the difference between her and the old CB. It was like comparing night and day, she felt and handled so much better. Having been properly fitted for the Argon helped as well.

Opposite: Cringer, in the old Fulcrum Days. This page: Battlecat, with the flash FF’ds.

However, during the Chase Race I kept thinking she needs a name. (it was a she, no doubt about it). Eventually I settled on Battlecat – it’s a roadie come TT set-up so she’s got a split personality – and the Cringer/Battlecat theme was born. I knew that I wouldn’t ride it much as a road bike, so from that moment on she became Battlecat. It never seems to stop there though; there’s always something you else you need. For me it was the wheels. The Fulcrums were fine, but they weren’t race wheels and I wanted a set. So when the opportunity arose to buy some Fast Forwards there was only one outcome. She is now pimped up with a nice set of wheels! Did someone say tri was cheap? I’m extremely delighted with my bike. She takes pride in settling into the spare room as I refuse to leave her in the cold garage much to the hatred of my wife. I’m seriously looking forward to the first summer’s riding on it. Happy days!


aka Brother Shadow


March 2010 Dom nation Magazine



The BCTTT membership spreads far and wide, and we encourage regional chapters to meet up and arrange rides and runs to support each other. We try to attend as many races around the country as we can and the members have expressed an intention to be at the following events. Look out for the mighty floral kit in transition and Bridgtown Cona Testa Triathlon Team on the race start sheets! For details of which club members will be at these races this list is on the website. Your race not on the list? PM James on the forum. Club champs will be added to the list when confirmed.



























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20.06 MACHYNLLETH TRIATHLON UK IRONMAN 70.3 24.06 PARC BRYN BACH AQUATHON3 Ben and the IronKid show the world... July 4th at the CowMan!



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Through a decree from the senior WAT officer, it has been announced that the club now has an official mascot, Corky. Sadly, Corky passed away before we could bestow this enormous honour upon him, but that isn’t going to stop us doing it anyway! In memory of Corky the club will also be presenting an award in his name at the club championships. The Corky Award will recognise the club member who has triumphed most over adversity and overcome their setbacks over the previous year. As AndyB has told us: “...he was only about 10/11...he was a little misfit that nobody wanted. We got him from the dog rescue centre where he’d been picked up as a stray, re-homed and then taken back...only for us to walk in there (we weren’t looking for a dog...we called in while we were passing as we were out looking for a new car) and he could choose us. “He loved the outdoors and totally fought above his weight showing no fear in anything he did.”

Corky, here’s to you and your lasting memory in club folklore!


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Dom nation Magazine




March 2010 Dom nation Magazine

Global Domination magazine 03  
Global Domination magazine 03  

Bridgtown Cona Testa Triathlon Team Global Domination magazine, issue 03, March 2010