Reader's Digest UK Sep 2010

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This ' an does one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. Find out why on page 60

38 Not So Hooked On Classics Blur bassist Alex James may love classical music, but what about the great British public? Our poll has all the answers

46 Thomas the Tank Engine's Other Friends As a new film of the children's classic is released, we meet some of Thomas' biggest fans

55 Six Health Checks That Can Save Your Life Monitoringyour own health has never been easier—or cheaper

60 Miss Dynamite How one woman from Scotland, and her all-women team, is making Mozambique a safer place

68 Sky High Photographer Nick Sinclair reveals his stunning pictures of starlings in flight

78 Searching for the Secret of Eternal Life Why Russian billionaires are funding the quest for human immortality

86 Disabled A tennis star, a TV presenter, an architect...having a disability hasn't stopped these people from succeeding

96 This Man Has Married Hundreds of Women The world's biggest matchmaker reveals his secrets

104 The Tales of Tamsin Actress Tamsin Greig is best-known for her role in The Archers, but which does she really prefer—country or city?

72 I Remember Jeremy Vine looks back at rock-star dreams, eccentric schools and dodging bullets

110 A Reader's Story One man's lifethreatening journey through the freezing Afghan wilderness

I was six years old and sitting in the school hall waiting for "music hour" when this wonderful sound came blasting out of ye olde wooden speakers. I was transfixed. It was Elgar's "Imperial March", in case you were wondering, and marked the start of a lifelong love of classical music.

But it seems many people have never had the chance to discover the classics at all—we carried out a survey for this month's issue and discovered that 41 per cent of the population don't own a single piece of classical music. What's going on?

Read the full results of our survey on p38 and hear what our cover star Alex James has to say about it all...

PS. Regular readers will notice we've had a bit of a redesign this month. Let us know what you think!

Gill Hudson

theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk twitter.com/rdigest

LONDON W2 2HR 01PAPER FROM SUSTAINABLE FORESTS. PLEASE RECYCLE

EDITORIAL Editor-in-ChiefGill HudsonManaging ADVERTISING Sales Controller Dominic Eddon (dominic_

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Art Editor Hugh KylePicture ResearcherRoberta Mitchell NicollProduction Controller Chris TribeMagazine Marketing

Contributing Editors Caroline Hutton, Harry Mount,James Walton Manager Justine BurrowsPublisher James Mallinson Administrative Assistant Marina Joannou

MANAGING DIRECTOR David Titmuss

President and Chief Executive OfficerMary G. Berner

President, RD EuropeDawn Zier

VP, Global Editor-in-Chief Reader's DigestPeggy Northrop

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Writers

► "The dedication of the female de-miners I met in Mozambique was truly humbling," says photographer and RD 1 contributor Craig Stennett. "Their back-breaking work and professionalism puts most people's job worries into perspective." Page 60

► "He may be one of our biggest rock stars, but Alex James takes his classical music very seriously," says journalist Danny Scott, who met the Blur bassist at his sprawling Oxfordshire home. "He also takes farming seriously—his greenhouse is the size of a concert hall!" Page 38

► Monika Hoefler has worked as a freelance photographer for various magazines. Her work focuses on portraits and reportages —including music in Mali, nomads in Mongolia, Inuits in Greenland, and now, for RD, matchmaking in the heart of rural Ireland. Page 96

RD on the iPad

Our iPad app has been live for just a few weeks, and already we've had nearly 40,000 downloads!

Find out more onpage 112

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Have your say

LETTER OF THE MONTH

A national. disgrace

The sooner the Deepcut barracks are torn down, the better ("What Really Happened at Deepcut?"). Back in the early 1970s, when I was a trainee soldier, I witnessed first-hand the degrading treatment that was meted out. Recruits were always picked on for their ethnic background or for any signs of intelligence. Many of the officers were just plain sadistic.

In this case, as your story outlines, it's suggested that one of the recruits who died had attempted suicide before joining up. Possibly, but this would have shown up in her medical history during the selection process. And how does another shoot himself more than once, as we're told to believe? I hope one day Des and Doreen James get justice for their daughter. The writer wishes to remain anonymous

Fighting on all fronts

"John McDowall's Battle" illustrates what a debt of gratitude we owe to those who fight against terrorism. I worked in London near Russell Square at the time of 7/7, although I was away that week, and I remember shuddering when I heard about the terrible explosion. I could easily have been caught up in it.

It's tragic that John was too busy with

fifteen years Imo, Brian Cathcart asks:

I witnessed firsthand the degrading treatment meted out at Deepcut

counterterrorism to get a check-up that might have identified his motor neurone disease earlier. I wish him all the best.

Lionel Catch, Northampton

Bikes of burden

I loved your story "Loaded!" on Vietnamese bikers and the amount of stuff they were able to carry while riding. The pictures had me giggling no end—I dread to think what our Health and Safety Executive would have to say about them!

Natasha Carr, West Yorkshire

Make money by writing in! £50 for the letter of the month, £30 for all others. See page 6 for details.

arnfy/r barracks four stuklet#4, I;r died. No focotht, investigathgC4 /1p:went:nem covec-up.Now.

Grass-roots inspiration

On page 39 of "Beyond the Game" in your June issue,you have a caption that reads, "One of the most successful charities run by a footballer is the Mathare Youth Sports Association, nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. It's run by Marcel Desailly." In fact, the MYSA is owned and run by the kids themselves—a more impressive feat.

The charity now has 25,000 active boys and girls. They're the ones who deserve the credit, especially as they've helped inspire over 100 similar projects worldwide. Bob Munro, Nairobi, Kenya

Identity crisis

As a Canadian-born resident of Britain for 39 years, I fully identify with Monica Porter's views in "40 Years On". Britain needs to stay true to its character. This country has so much to offer—a colourful history, a working canal network, cream teas and wonderful pubs. Let's value what we have. Lynda Winkworth, Staffordshire

Send us your pet photos!

Animals often have a regal bearing, but their caring owners occasionally spoil them with the full royal treatment. Exhibit A: this picture, sent in by 16-yearold Eliza Dawson from Duffield, Derbyshire. "Dorris was found abandoned under a bush when she was just three days old," writes

This country has so much to offer— a colourful history, cream teas and pubs

WhenI was a child, every section of society upheld the British habit of good manners. Now,you're lucky to get thanks fora door held open or a small act of kindness. I'm lucky that we retain a sense of Britishness in my part of the country, but I often feel it doesn't extend too far.

Myrtle Hurrell, Colchester

Canine care

I promise to finish reading all of Benedict Allen's adventures ("The 9 TimesI Nearly Died"), but I wasn't able to get past his dog-eating story the first time round. I'm a soppy animal-lover and, given the same dilemma, I wouldn't have been able to kill an animal that trusted me. But

boy. The vet proved otherwise, so she became Dorris. Now she's a cupcake-crown princess cat and loved by all."

Eliza. "Boris was her original name because we thought she was a

lfyou want a photo of your pet to be published, send a picture plus details to readersletters@readers digest.co.uk.

I wouldn't have survived to tell my story—and the dog wouldn't have had his moment of fame.

Betty Norton, Preston

Not so tricky after all

Your short item about the new digital Rubik's Slide ("It's July, Time To...") brought back memories of meeting Erno Rubik in the early 1990s. He was sure no one would be able to solve his original cube in under 30 minutes, so a friend of mine who was responsible for launching the cube in the US proposed a $100,000 prize to anyone who could solve it in under 20 minutes.

Thankfully, his idea was turned down. Given that the current world record stands at 7.08 seconds, it would've been the most expensive promotion ever!

Andrew Low, Buckinghamshire

Life-changing literature

You asked "What book changed your life?" in the July issue. I'd nominate the collected essays of Andy Rooney, an American writer. His volumes articulate life's frustrations in a funny and profound way and, like Reader's Digest,they make great bedtime reading.

Gordon Rennie, Glasgow

ATTENTION PLEASE!

ARE YOU A "HOUSE BLINGER"?

Do you take every possible chance—street parties, anniversaries, Christmas—to decorate every square inch of your house with as much bling as you can find? If so, we want your pictures! Please email your images to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk. They may feature in a future Reader's Digest article—and the best might win a prize.

I must have read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen a thousand times. It taught me that whereyou're going is more important than where you've come from.

Syeda Sabika Zaidi, London

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott has always been my inspiration. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer likeJo March. Perhaps havingthis letter published will be the start of something...

Christina Brooks, Suffolk

WE WANT YOUR SUBMISSIONS!

Do you have a tasty recipe? Maybe a quirkygardening or beautytip? Or perhaps some health advice? If so, we want to hear from you. We welcome reader contributions to all our regular columns. It's a great chance to see your name in print—and earn some money in the process. We pay E50 for all published submissions to Health, Beauty, Food, Drink, Gardening and Wildlife Watch (see p6 for details of other regular contributions). Send us an email to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk.

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OUNICALVI MOVEN TO Rale. THE MN Of SOMME TIMM r Mint

tSe s p ben e to see\

An Idiot Abroad. Best known as the gormless stooge of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant on their comedy pod casts, Karl Pilkington visits "Seven Wonders of the World" in a Sky1 travelogue. He'll be offering his endearingly dim take on the likes of the Taj Mahal ("s'alright") and Christ the Redeemer, Rio de Janeiro (right)— "a chin like Jimmy Hill".

Another confused individualon her travels is Liz Gilbert, a lost, newly divorced career woman played by Julia Roberts inEat, Pray, Love. She finds herself—and romance—on a journey to Italy, India and Bali in a film based on Gilbert's best-selling memoir.

on PlayStation's Wii-beater

Sony has watched jealously from the sidelines as Nintendo's Wii console has taken over the gaming world. The Wii's appeal lies in its motionsensitive controller that replicates users' movements on screen.

But now Sony is fighting

back with the Move, a motion-sensitive controller of its own for the PlayStation 3. With the console's superior power and graphics, Sony's mission is to create even more realistic and involving gameplay than the Wii.

Launch software includesTiger Woods PGA Tour 11 and Resident Evil 5:Gold Edition. The Move will cost you £24.99.

\'‘) it LISTEN

Radio 2's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent music releases

Postcards from a Young Man by Manic Street Preachers Think Queen with the radical intelligence of Noam Chomsky. It seems barely believable that the mouthy Welsh demagogues have been around for 20 years. Given the precedents, it's also shocking—and heartening—that their tenth album should be one of their very best. A return to the raging, inspirational melancholy of their mid-Nineties pomp.

Eliza Doolittle by Eliza Doolittle Think ki‘ "4 the savvy of Lily and the sunniness , of Kylie. Don't be put off by the stagey name—Eliza's tunes have been one of the delights of 2010. She (or someone in her team) has a keen earfor the judicious sample. In "Skinny Genes", it's catchywhistling; in "Pack Up", a snatch of an old wartime song. Less deep, more deeply infectious.

Bona Drag by Morrissey Think a handy portable primer to the early Moz.Bona Drag—its title is gay Soho slang, as used by Kenneth Williams inRound the Horn—was originally released in 1990. It did much to alert the world to the fact that Morrissey had emerged from The Smiths' shadow to become a quixotic, funny and accomplished solo performer. Most of the hits on this new edition weren't included on studio albums and all are nuggets of quirky, capricious pop. Includes six unreleased tracks.

like a stone-skimming expert

Tiny Easdale Island, near Oban, Scotland, hosts the World Stone Skimming Championships this month. Last year's winner David Gee reveals the perfect technique. Choose a flat, heavy, round stone, a quarter to halfan-inch thick and two-and-a-half to three inches wide (smaller, if you've got little hands).

Hold the stone between your forefinger and thumb and rest it on the middle finger.

Get down to the water level. As you throw the stone, a quick wrist snap and transferringyour weight from the back legto the front leg will maximise speed and distance.

VoL_ r-teer\

Summer's effectively over and the kids have gone back to school,so September is a good time to take on a new challenge. If you fancy voluntary work, but don't really want to deliver meals on wheels, how about these more esoteric opportunities? Suburban shepherd.Brighton and Hove City Council needs people to tend the sheep it uses to keep the South Down's grass short.

GET PAPAL it

You may not be Catholic, or even believe in God, but Pope Benedict's visit to Britain this month will still be a national event. Catch a glimpse of him as he travels to the following locations: September 16. Holyroodhouse, Edinburgh. Bellahouston Park, Glasgow(where he will conduct an open-air mass).

17. St Mary's University College, Twickenham (he's meeting 3,000 school children and students). Lambeth Palace. Westminster Abbey. 18. Hyde Park(an open-air prayer session).

19. Cofton Park, Birmingham(the Pope will beatify Cardinal John Henry Newman, who is buried nearby). See thepapalvisit.org.uk.

IN UNUSUAL WAYS

Cheerleader.Provide pom-pornwaving support at charity events. Tandem bike-rider for the blind. You can do it all over the UK. Log-pile creator.Make homes for tiny animals on London's Greenway path. Nude model.Artist Spencer Tunick often needs people for his mass photo shoots to raise awareness of environmental issues.

TIME TO...

SNOOP

in other people's gaffs

The pick of the nation's private buildings open their doors to the public this month. Some of the (usually) hidden highlights you can visit include:

■ Bentley Priory, Hertfordshire.The HQ of Fighter Command during the Battle of Britain. Actors will recreate the wartime planning and tension in the operations room.

■ Aardman Animations Headquarters, Bristol. The brand new, stateof-the-art offices where theWallace and Gromit animators are based.

■ The Irn-Bru factory, Cumbernauld. Witness girders being ground down to make Scotland's favourite soft drink.

■ The BT Tower, London. Get amazing views of the capital from the revolving 34th floor.

See heritagedays.net for more details.

Ora

The Grand Design, SCIENCE Professor Stephen SPECIAL Hawking (Bantam Press, £18.99)It's been almost a decade since the genius physicist's last major work, TheUniverse in a Nutshell. He returns with an exploration of the case for and against a benevolent creator and a look at the possibility of parallel universes. Likely to cause some controversy, but few can explain the inexplicable quite like Hawking.

Packing for Mars, Mary Roach (Oneworld, £12.99) Rather less cerebral than Hawking's work, Roach's book details the gritty biological reality of astronaut life. Showering without gravity is near impossible (the water forms blobs that envelop your face), so cabins get pretty smelly. And the effects of getting motion sickness when you're wearing a space helmet are best left up in the air.

Boffinology, Justin Pollard (John Murray, £12.99)Pollard is a researcher for BBC1's Q/ and the whimsical wit of the show is apparent in this collection of the stories behind scientific feats. For example, did you know that the steam engine may have first appeared not in the 1800s, but in 1543 with a boiler, powered Royal Navy ship (it was supposedly successfully tested then mysteriouslyforgotten about)? Or that, when he wasn't discovering gravity, Sir lssac Newton was Warden of the Mint and spent his time undercover in dodgy pubs eavesdropping on coin forgers? Well, it's true.

WHAT I'M DOING

RD reader Nicola Simonds, 38, beautician trainer

ReadingThe Last Party: Studio 54 by Anthony Haden-Guest. My mum brought me up onSaturday Night Fever and this history of the home of Seventies disco is the closest I'll everget to it.

WatchingThe IT Crowd,Channel 4. There's always afunny line my 12-year-old Niall quotes for the rest of the week.

Listening Accolyte, Delphic. A spin on the Pet Shop Boys. I get lost in music when I'm cycling.

Onlinetextsfromlast night.com. Collects texts people send when drunk and profoundly regret the next day. A recent favourite was, "Does anyone know where I am?"

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Brdge t e gap

Chatting to your grandparents,playing with young neighbours—how much time do you spend with someone from a different generation? In a report from London's International Longevity Centre, 67 per cent of people felt that the young and old live in separate worlds. Yet almost all agreed that young people could learn from their elders and more than 80 per cent felt older people could benefit from youthful wisdom.

Connecting with another generation teaches life skills, promotes tolerance, helps tackle ageism and can boost self-esteem in both the young and old.

So, how do you connect with another generation?

Start by...Sharingyour memories. Put the kettle on and spend an afternoon looking through photo albums with relatives. Comparing places you've visited and people you've met is a great way to stimulate conversation, and there will be plenty of opportunities to laugh over dodgy haircuts and fashion mistakes. You can also upload any historic street-scene pictures at historypin.com—and see how your town looked in the past. Then you can...Impart your skills. Learn jam-making from your granny or get your elderly neighbour to show you how to grow veg. Teach an old person to text or use the internet. For more tips, visit wearewhatwedo.org.

Taking it further...Connect the generations in your community, from volunteering to read at a primary school to joining the pub dominoes team. Get together with like-minded people to organise a community cross-generational project, such as a drama group or communal garden. Helen Gent

POWER OF ONE

How ordinary people are making the world a better place

When a young boy took a country stroll, he became a pensioner's one hope of rescue

Rain had been pouring down for days and Thomas Cartwright's chances of getting out into the Derbyshire countryside had been frustratingly limited. So, during a rare break in the clouds on the afternoon of April 28, the 14-year-old decided not to get the bus, but to walk two miles across farmland from Ecclesbourne School to his home in Little Eaton.

As he strolled along the steep, ten-foot bank of the River Derwent, someone called out to him, "Please help me save her!"

Janet Dolman, 73, was clinging to the bank. A sheepdog, whining with fear, was trapped in the rushing waters below. It had chased something down there, but now it couldn't scramble up the wet, muddy sides.

Thomas knew few people came this way and he had no mobile, so he slithered down the bank with Janet and held her while she tried to reach over to the dog. It was too far away, so Janet jumped into the chest-deep water and handed the dog over. Thomas heaved it up the slope.

He looked back. Janet was tryingto clamber up the bank, but now she too kept sliding back into the water. Thomas edged closer, but skidded and had to grab a clump of grass to

stop himself falling. Still, he reached out his other hand to Janet.

He pulled hard and she tried to raise her knee onto a ledge, onlyto slip back into the water. Thomas tried again and again to get Janet out, but the bank was just too wet. Several minutes passed. Thomas was a fit lad, but exhaustion was setting in. If he fell down the bank he could be badly injured on the rocks below. The path was so remote that the two of them could be stranded for days—with hypothermia setting in much sooner. But leaving Janet floundering in the water while he got help wasn't an option.

Do you kno w of inspiring st ories in your comm unity?

If so, pleas e email the details to t heeditor@ readersdig est.co.uk.

Thomas spotted a shallower section of riverbank and crawled over, clingingto overhanging bushes. "Let's try here," he shouted. Janet waded towards him into waist-high muddy water. Thomas hauled her closer to him, but the mud held her fast. More than half an hour had passed, but he tightened his grip and pulled with what was left of his strength. Janet's knees appeared above the water and she clambered over rocks and up the bank to safety. As the pair trudged to Little Eaton, they spotted Thomas's father Alan chatting to a ►

friend. Once he'd recovered from the sight of the bedraggled pair, he drove Janet home, where she made a swift recovery.

Thomas returns to school this month as a hero, after receiving an Ecclesbourne Governors' Award at the end of last term.

His parents are buying him an even better reward: a Derby County season ticket. Thomas is bashful about the rescue, but Janet is full of praise. "He doesn't say a lot, but he wants to do right. At 14, that's not bad is it?"Lisa Loveday

How this man became an anti-litter David to the Government's Goliath

As autumn approaches, the grass on Britain's roadsides dies back to reveal depressing amounts of litter. But those who long to see an end to the mess now have a champion.

Retired financial adviser

Peter Silverman has used an obscure law to make officials pick up the rubbish defacing his local motorway.

"My wife and I drive along the M4o south of High Wycombe quite a lot," explains the 66-year-old

from Ruislip, west London.

"The mess had got so awful, I needed to do something."

Peter wrote to the Government's Highways Agencyto say that the verge needed clearing, but they tried to blame the contractors. Peter did some research and found that the contractor only had to clear the verge every nine months. He also found that, for just £200, under section 91 of the 1990 Environmental Protection Act, he could

Left, a stretch of the M40 in spring this year. Right, the same location in June—after Peter got involved

ask a court to serve a litter-abatement order on those who were responsible for clearing it up—the Government.

Peter told officials he intended to get an order but, oddly, when the case reached court just over two months later, the M4o was spotless. Peter produced photos of the verges taken before the hasty tidy-up. The court accepted that, while there was no longer a need for an order, the Highways Agency's clean-up was just a result of the impending legal action. It awarded Peter costs—and the verges are now cleaned every six days.

"I had a little victory," says Peter. "The roadside's transformed."

Inspired by Peter, this autumn the Campaign to Protect Rural England, is publishing a guide to help the public obtain litterabatement orders in their areas—see litteraction.org.

Susannah Hickling

8 reasons to ditch the rubber gloves

✓ Saves time for you and your family

✓ Conserves effort for other tasks

✓ Saves water, energy and money

✓ More hygienic

✓ Cleaner, sparkling dishes

✓ More caring for your skin

✓ A clutter-free kitchen

✓ Fewer domestic arguments! Washing up is officially Britain's least favourite kitchen chore

What would you rather be doing?

Did you know that on average, UK households without dishwashers spend 4.5 hours* per week washing up dirty dishes? That's time that could be spent having fun with the family, catching up with friends or indulging in some well-deserved me-time! Isn't it about time you considered a dishwasher?

SPACE HEADACHE?

Hotpoint's slimline 45cm dishwashers mean that you needn't worry if space is tightyou'll be able to stack dirty plates out of sight and keep your kitchen surfaces clutter-free.

GREENER AND CLEANER

All Hotpoint dishwashers are AAA rated for optimum efficiency and use less water and energy than washing up by hand. For an amazing clean and shine, Hotpoint recommends using Finish Quantum.

NOW'S THE TIME!

To make life even easier, Hotpoint and Finish are giving away a three months' supply of Finish free with any Hotpoint dishwasher purchased before 14 October 2010. Participating retailers only. For more information (including full terms and conditions) visit hotpoint-finish.co.uk

How hand washing and dishwashing

By Hand

compare**

Dishwasher

60 minutes to wash up a 111 9 minutes to load/unload machine full load

49 litres water used

13 litres water used 1.7 kwh used to heat water 0 1.08 kwh used to heat water

Dishcloths and towels13 High temperatures and lack hygiene Finish give a hygienic clean *Source: Waterwise **Source: Bonn University

NO, REALLY!

• After deciding to redecorate their house, my parents went to a DIY superstore to buy some equipment. They split the shopping list between them, with my dad given the task of buying paint, among numerous other items.

He'd got about 60 feet away when my mother panicked that he might forget something. She spun round and shouted across

the crowded shop, "John! John! Don't forget to buy a large tin of Durex!"

Tina Stockman, Bridge of Don, Aberdeen

• While on holiday in Spain, my wife and I had a lovely meal at a local restaurant. As was my habit when eating out in the UK, I left a business card for my kitchenfitting company Senator Kitchens along with my payment.

T+Izy 5/1012TE-12

ELSE wH-EKC

"They take their loyalty scheme very seriously at this supermarket"

your true, s tories. f Eloo or fumy u

Write to the address on Page 6

Two nights later, we returned to the restaurant and were surprised to be greeted by the manager, escorted to a prime table with superb views, then given a free bottle of wine.

It only became clear what was going on at the end of the evening when the manager asked my wife, "Did you enjoyyour meal, Mrs Kitchens?"

David Sutherland, Ballyclare, County Antrim

nur11-year-old Udaughter Georgia came home from school and told us that her teacher was leaving.

"She's accepted a teaching post in the Middle East," said Georgia. "It's in a country near where the war is. I'm not sure of the name but I think it's Q7."

Joanne Lynch, Glossop, Derbyshire

• At the hospital where I work, porters often transport meals round on trolleys, with covers over them to keep the food warm. One of our interns recently got into a lift with two porters and their trolley.

"Hey, guys," she said. "What's for dinner?"

"This is a deceased patient," one replied. "We're taking her to the morgue."

The intern got out and took the stairs.

Ze-Aun Goon, Melbourne, Australia

• The teenage tourist sitting in front of me on an Oxford bus was studying two Muslim ladies who were pushing their buggies along the street. They were dressed in black and only their faces were showing, which really intrigued the youngster.

She turned to her friend and said, "I always thought nuns were supposed to be virgins?"

Marilyn Yurdan, Abingdon, Oxfordshire

TCHFS

"Wing of bird of paradise, camel hoof, kangaroo paw..."

• All parents know the frustrationof trying to get a child to eat a varied, balanced diet, but I had to take my hat off to my friend's resilient optimism recently. Since the day her son was first weaned, she had battled to get him to try anything new and, even aged four, he'd quite happily live on nothing but bread and yogurt.

I asked her how he was getting on.

"Oh, he's doing really well," she said. "He ate some homemade pizza yesterday."

"Wow, that's brilliant," I said.

"Yeah, he did really

well. He picked off the topping, the cheese and the sauce...but he ate the base."

Helen Coombs, Heathfield, East Sussex

KA y friend went into the toilets at a posh cafe to adjust a plaster on a sore toe. She wondered why everyone stared at her when she came out with a big smile saying loudly, "Ooh, that's better."

Elizabeth Wolsey, Sutton Goldfield, West Midlands

1 chutzpah (heut-spa) n A hillside

viewpoint Baudacity C musical instrument

2 Torah n A will of God B chief prophet

C small temple

3 shibboleth (shi-be-leth)n

Abreadcrumb B desert rose Ccustom that marks out a particular group

4 klutz (cluts) n A little finger

B senior police officer C clumsy person

5 schnorrer n A belt buckle

B scrounger or beggar C fried fish

6 schlep v Acarry something

B debate furiously C whisper seductively

7 Kabbalah n A military trench

B fortified town house C mystical tradition

8 kibitzer n A busybody B ice-cold drink

C black overcoat

9 behemoth (bih-he-moth) n A rare butterfly B instruction C huge creature

10 yenta (yenter) n A gossipy woman

B lentil stew C religious student

11 schmutter n A clothing B series ofinsults C rapid gunfire

12 matzo (mat-zer)n

A deep, warm tone B character of

Harry Mount, language guru, tests your knowledge

September marks both the beginning of Jewish New Year and a festival of traditional Jewish music in Regent's Park, London. But are you up on Hebrew and Yiddish, and can you tell a klutz from a kibbutz? Try to identify the kosher answer below—A, B or C.

musicalsound C unleavened bread

13 Beelzebub (bee-el-zi-bub) n A high

musicalnote B sacrificial altar C the Devil

14 seraph (seraf) n A dagger blow

B angelic being C night breeze

15 shalom n A ceremonial headdress B Jewish greeting Alex James's C riverbed ' favourite word? ' Yumerous. "Not sure if its made up, but it's great for food. It meansreally / yummy'...

AWORD IS BORN

Nang

According to research out

next year by Paul Kerswill, professor of sociolinguistics at Lancaster University, cockney will disappear from London in 30years, to be replaced byJafaicana mixture of West Indian patois, Bangladeshi and new street slang. Among that slang is "nang", meaning cool. Its supposed origins are not in Jamaica, but in Kingsland secondary school in Hackney, London, and a pupil called Nang Phan. "Aah, Nang,you're so nang," said her classmates. The RD RATING word apparently spread Useful? 4/10 from there. Likeable? 8/10

WORD POWER

1 chutzpah—B audacity, nerve. "Wayne Rooney had the chutzpah to complain about the fans after losing."

2 Torah—A will of God. "The Torah was written on the scroll in the synagogue." Hebrew torah (instruction).

3 shibboleth—C custom that marks out a group. "Knowledge of the Hamburgyears was a shibboleth for Beatles fans." Hebrew sibbolet ("an ear of corn", chosen as a nationality test because of its difficult pronunciation).

4 klutz C clumsy person. Yiddish klots (wooden block).

schnorrer—B scrounger or beggar. "The schnorrer insisted on splitting the bill."

schlep—A carry something. "He schlepped his suitcase all the way to Heathrow."

Kabbalah—C Jewish mystical tradition. "Madonna is a keen devotee of Kabbalah." Hebrew kabbala (tradition).

kibitzer—A busybody. "The kibitzer was a real back-seat driver."

9 behemoth C

huge creature."The Chelsea tractor is a behemoth." Hebrew behemah (beast).

113 yenta A gossipy woman. "My grandmother's always gabbing, she's such a yenta."

11 schmutter—A clothing. "He worked in the schmutter business." Yiddishshmate (rag).

12 matzo C unleavened bread. "The Passover matzos were particularly good this year." Hebrew massah (unleavened bread).

13 Beelzebub C the Devil. HebrewBaalzebub.

14 seraph—B angelic being. "He was welcomed into heaven by seraphim." Hebrew seraph (celestial being).

More Word Power on the Web! For morevocabulary-buildingfun online, go toreadersdigest.co.uk/wordpower.

WORD JOURNEY

Schmooze,meaning to charm someone, often with an eye to advancement, has a mixture of Yiddish and Hebrew origins. That's no surprise—Yiddish was the language used byJews in central and eastern Europe, combining German dialect with Hebrew and several modern languages. So the Hebrew nounshemuoth, meaning "reports" or "gossip", shifted to the Yiddish verb "to converse". And now it's shifted again to mean conversing with a dose of charm thrown in.

How Did You Do?

9-11 a good attempt 12-13 you're starting to impress us here 14-15 you're a word-power wizard!

shalom—B Jewish greeting. " 'Shalom everyone,' the rabbi said at the party."

If you havea word-related question or language teaser for Harry, please email theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk.

•

NOT IF, BUT WHEN...

It's a kitchen, Jim, but not as we know it

Augmented reality adds a virtual overlay to a real situation. So far, this has mainly been limited to apps foryour phone. But at McGill University in Montreal they've created augmented reality floor tiles that can look and feel like a pebbled beach, snow or a meadow—sound effects included!

By the time they reach the DIY shop—around 2015—youcould also be buying OLED wallpaper: paper-thin video monitors to completely cover and contour to your walls. Tune the walls and floor just so and you'll be breakfasting in Waikiki. And if you put your pineapple onto a "smart" kitchen counter

Gary Rimmer takes a look at what the future has in store 1.

developed at the University of Washington, it will display possible recipes. But be warned: show it an unhealthy diet option and you may be locked out of your fridge.

Fl Football

Our lives are filled with automated technology, but—touchline and timer technologies aside— there's been little place for it so far in sport. Yes, some robot football matches have kicked off, but they've been characterised by falling over, indiscriminate kicking and dull scorelines. But projects to build walking robots—such as BigDog and RiSE at Boston Dynamics, MABEL at the University of Michigan and the ambulatory controls developed at the University

of Southern California— mean mountaineering, footballing and cricketing robots are only a few years away:around 2025.

Breathtaking

As the lung can't regenerate itself, a last hope for lungdisease sufferers is a transplant. But donor lungs

are scarce, the procedure is difficult, infection and rejection rates are high and 90 per cent of patients die within a decade.

Now researchers at Yale University have transplanted a functioning rat lung, grown on the "skeleton" of an old one. Growing new human lungs from donated lung skeletons seeded with a patient's own cells could improve availability, but it'll take untilaround 2030to transpose this work to people.

We all like a clearer picture. That's why all Ford Mobility vehicles ja come with free parking sensors, making nasty surprises easier to spot. See www.ford.co.uk/mobility for details.

INSTANT EXPERT

■ Fifty years ago this month, the Organisation of the Petroleum Exporting Countries was founded in Baghdad. Opec, which has its headquarters in Vienna, is made up of 12 oilproducing countries— Algeria, Angola, Ecuador, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Libya, Nigeria, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates and Venezuela. Between them, they own twothirds of the world's oil reserves and are responsible for a third of its annual production.

■ Opec membership is dependent on members being able to keep up a certain production quota. Indonesia was obliged to leave Opec in 2008, when it turned from being a net exporter to a net importer of oil.

Britain, incidentally,

was a net exporter of oil from 1981 until 2004. Oil production reached a peak in 1999 and has since fallen. But could Britain be asked to join Opec again? A new North Sea oil source, the Catcher oilfield, was discovered in June and may contain up to 350 million barrels.

■ Opec was set up in response to President Eisenhower's attempts to impose quotas on Persian Gulf and Venezuelan oil in favour of Canadian and Mexican oil interests. Its aim today is to maintain oil prices in the face of political and economic instability, and changes in oil supply and demand—an ambition that isn't always met. In 1986, oil prices dropped by 46 per cent, because of overproduction and a collapse in demand

gives you the facts behind the news

and, by the early 1990s, oil prices had slumped to $15 a barrel. They've continued to fluctuate over the past decade.

■ Opec's influence was once very strong. The 1973 oil crisis started when Arab members of Opec introduced oil embargoes during the Yom Kippur War, quadruplingthe oil price. By 1982, when oil-importing countries began to seek other energy resources, Opec had to lower prices.

The power to swing oil prices has often been criticised by those who accuse Opec of behaving like a cartel. But this capacity has shrunk with the discovery of new oilfields in Canada, the North Sea, Alaska and the Gulf of Mexico.

After the BP accident in the Gulf, a question mark hangs over the future of deep-sea oil exploration, which could see oil prices soar and Opec's strength return.

HEARTFELTTHANKSTO FLORAPRO.ACTIV

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IF I RULED THE WORLD

...I'd champion women in Ice and technology. I'm one of the few women at the forefront of the digital world and that makes me sad, as having more women in such a growth industry is important. There's a latent sexism around which subjects girls are encouraged to pursue—it's harder for them to think they can be successful in maths, science and engineering when all the role models are men.

...I'd want everybody to be able to use the internet. Not just to have access, but also to understand how to engage with computers and the web. I've been looking at this in my role as UK Digital Champion—we could be the most highly connected country in the world. The internet can transform lives; if you're lonely or struggling it can give you a voice—yet it's these vulnerable members

MARTHA LANE FOX co-founded lastminute.com, the UK's largest travel website and an icon of the dotcom boom. She sold it in 2005 and set up Lucky Voice, a chain of karaoke bars. In 2007 she launched Antigone, agrantgivingfoundation that supports education, health and criminal justice. Martha is currently the Government's first Champion for Digital Inclusion.

This month, Lane Fox lays down the law to Caroline Hutton

of society who are least likely to be online. I'd focus on the benefits in real terms: free phone calls; seeing pictures of your friends and family; getting shopping delivered to your door; finding out about any subject at anytime from any country. And I'd like to see everyone volunteeringto help one person they know to get connected.

...I'dencourage entrepreneurship. We need a cultural shift in attitude. We should celebrate everyone who has had agood idea or tries to set up something even if it doesn't work out, and it would help if the media stopped gloating at people's failures. I'd like to see much more seed financing from banks and venture capitalists for new businesses.

...I'd allow people to take a year off to experience a different way of life. It would benefit society if everyone had the opportunity to travel, whether during university or as ayear out from work. The trip I did across the world when I was 22 provided me with so many cultural reference points,

as well as tenacity in dealing with difficult situations.

channel people's passions and skills into education. Imagine the advantages if people could step out of their jobs to teach, even for a short time, without jeopardising their careers. Financing would have to come from the employer or out of the education budget, so it's probably a utopian dream.

do away with reality TV business programmes.They present business in an extremely unrealistic way. No working environment I've ever seen is full of ruthless backstabbing. It's about collaboration.

...I'dpay nurses more. Ihad a nearfatal car crash in 2004 and spent months in hospital needing roundthe-clock care. What I remember isn't the surgeons, but the nurses who washed me every day, fed me and taught me how to eat and walk again. It's an underrated profession—but such an important one.

Martha heads Race Online 2012, which encourages companies to helppeople getonline: visit raceonline207 2.org

>> What would you do if you ruled the world? Write to theeditor@readers digest.co.uk.

WORLD TRAVELLER

Who's doing what around the globe

► InHOLLANDartist Richard Wendling is turning Twitter on its head by carving tweets in stone, merging our newest form of communication with one of the oldest. How times have changed...

► Social networking is finally being put to good use. InHOLLAND, Linkedin hosts "Open Coffee" mornings every Friday for its members (mostly professionals and entrepreneurs). Attendees share investment knowledge and business tips over steaming mugs ofkoffie.

► "Mega-region": it sounds like a planet from Star Trek, but it's actually a worldchanging trend. Mega-regions occur when cities merge both physically and economically—the world's 40 largest mega-regions drive 85 per cent of the world's technology.ASIA kick-started it when Hong Kong, Shenzhen and Guangzhou became a megaregion of 120 million people.

► Do you text at the dinner table? Out of 16 countries we surveyed recently, only four had populations who admitted to mealtime messaging. MALAYSIA came top with 57 per cent.

Waterways

As days get shorter at home, it's the perfect time to cast off for some early winter sun. For the best deals, look for cruises sailing before December. Prices soar over Christmas and New Year and, although they drop again in January, late winter usually sees demand—and prices—boosted as Britons feel the winter blues. Top-value ions right now include: Best value: = Cruise-stay holidays forgettable history, culture and cruising the Nile, with lavish fiverts.

Latest hotspot: A gem for cruiselovers, mixing Middle Eastern culture with international-style luxury shopping, beautiful beaches—and year-round sun.

Tunisia's

"Saint-Tropez".Split A Croatian destination with history, looks and style to rival its more famous cousin Dubrovnik.

arah Foster reports on hot destinations for winter cruises — plus what's new for 2011

Canny cruisers are snapping up earlybird discounts for 2011 and even 2012, rather than hoping for ever-scarcer lastminute bargains. Early-bookers also get the best choice of cabins, spa bookings and other on-board treats such as chef's-table dinners—not to mention "must-do" shore adventures which often sell out early. When comparing cruises to landbased holidays, ask what they include. Luxury line Silversea's pricing is truly all-inclusive, covering port charges, tips and alcoholic drinks, as well as the cruise itself. Passengers can even pick their own

Look ahead for the best deals

At a time when holidaymakers are looking for the best from their travel budgets, brilliant value means that cruising is thriving. According to the Cruise Lines International Association, 2010 is expected to break records, with some 143 million people taking cruises—beating

2009's total of

13 million-plus passengers.

SINGLE TRAVEL A tr-fireSIAllA01

Thousands of men and women are choosing to see the world as single travellers, and with companies like Just You, it's easy to see why! If you're travelling by yourself but want to be part of a group of like-minded people, Just You is ideal. You'll always have a room of your own without paying a single supplement for the privilege, and you get so much included in the price. Just You customer, Sue Bennett tells us why she chooses to travel with Just You:

WHY SINGLE TRAVEL SUITS ME

A girlfriend and I went away for Christmas one year and we both found ourselves incredibly conscious that we were two widows surrounded by couples. If you go as a single person with a normal holiday company, no matter how kind and pleasant people are, you are always aware of being the only one on your own. I saw an advert for Just You in the newspaper and it went from there.

FRIENDLY GROUPS

I remember the first holiday I took. I met some of the group at the airport and we all got chatting on the plane. It is so nice to meet people in similar circumstances to yourself. I actually keep in touch with a few people I've met on Just You holidays and it's lovely.

A GREAT MIX OF PEOPLE

People go on singles holidays for so many different reasons. The groups are a reasonable size and the different ages of people on a Just You holiday is great. I think it's good to be with a complete mix because to me, the whole joy is meeting lots of other people.

IT'S SO HASSLE-FREE

Flying from my local airport removes a lot of hassle. Another advantage is that you know you'll always have your own room, and you never have to pay a single supplement.

SO MANY MORE ADVENTURES...

My wishlist of places to visit includes the Norwegian fjords, Thailand, New Zealand, America and the Far East. I really want to go to South Africa too. I've still got lots of places I want to go and I'm looking forward to many more adventures in the company of Just You.

For more information on single travel with Just You visitjustyou.co.uk or call their friendly Holiday Advisors on 0800 987 5196

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Waterways

embarkation and disembarkation points from their itinerary's ports of call.

SHIPS AND LAUNCHES

2011brings an exciting variety of new ships, beginning with Disney Dream in January, followed by AIDAsoI in April and Celebrity Silhouette in July. In May, Adonia, the latest addition to P&O's fleet, departs on her maiden voyage, to Lisbon, Gibraltar, Alghero, Rome, Portofino, Sete, Port Mahon, Barcelona and Cadiz. Carrying only 701 passengers, she will be P&O's smallest ship — proof of the demand for nimbler cruise ships to access smaller, more outof-the-way places. And Holland-America is undertaking a vast refurbishment of five of its ships early in 2011,adding new bars, adults-only pools and spa staterooms large enough for in-room treatments.

■ Every season brings new inspiration.

This October, Fred Olsen's "Tagines and Tapas" cruise aboard Balmoral takes in Leixoes, Casablanca, La Coruna, the white villages of Andalucia and more. Meanwhile, launching a revamped entertainment programme, the Opera Babes are headlining aboard Black Watch in October.

■ Winter brings not only the chance to escape to the Caribbean or the Mexican riviera but also the best backdrop for the Northern Lights. Other lines dabble in Norwegian cruises, but these are Hurtigruten's home waters and its programme of voyages reflects that (it also sails to Greenland, Spitsbergen and Antarctica). Until 30 September (subject to availability), you can book a six-night northbound cruise and get the five-night return journey free.

■ From spring, Page & Moy's "Italian Lakes and Greek islands" offers passengers the best of land and sea: a four-night hotel stay by Lake Garda, followed by a week's round-trip cruise from Venice to the Greek islands via the Marche and Adriatic coasts. Time your booking right and you could be in Ascoli for its colourful medieval festival: just one option from the everchanging world of cruise travel.

Why is Alex James so concerned about the future of classical

music?

Is it something to do with the findings of our poll about music in Britain today?

NOT HOOKED ON CLASSICS

"When I was at school, classical music was the enemy," laughs Alex James, bassist with one of Britain's most successful rock bands, Blur. "It was the music that teachers liked. If any kid in my class had stood up and said, 'Rossini is better than Madness,' he would have got a good kicking!"

How ironic, then, that James now presents a Sony Awardwinning show for Classic FM—The A to Z of Classic FM Music —and proudly packs his CD collection with music by Bach, Beethoven and Vaughan Williams. There's even a cello, a double bass and a conductor's baton lined up in the studio at his sprawling Oxfordshire farmhouse home, not to mention the gorgeously haunting "Lux Aurumque" by Eric Whitacre's Virtual Choir wafting from the speakers.

Shaking hands in jogging bottoms and grubby T-shirt, with his big toe poking through a large hole in one of the socks on his shoeless feet, James—who famously partied harder than any other British rock star for much of the 1990s, as detailed in his autobiography Bit of a Blur—certainly isn't your typical classical presenter. He is, nevertheless, as passionate about

BY DANNY SCOTT PHOTOGRAPHED BY SEAMUS RYAN

"Music is just a huge garden. It might be full of different plants and vegetables, out the most important thing is everyone's welcome in that garden"

the music as any of the suited-andbooted Royal Opera House crowd and describes the experience of conducting a full orchestra on the BBC2 2008 reality show Maestro as "even more intense and exhilarating than headlining at Glastonbury".

So what happened to the classicalmusic-hating schoolkid? "Bizarrely, it was this house that got me into it," he explains. "I bought it in 2003, at a time when Blur was disintegrating before my eyes. All my adult years had been driven by this purpose...being in a band that had become a global megalith. But, when Blur got put on hold, I found myself stuck in the middle of the countryside with nothing to do. No pubs, no gigs, no parties. It was like Rock Star Family Robinson."

To fill his days, Alex started playing all his old Beatles records, then went back to rock pioneers like Roy Orbison. "Eventually, I started wanting to dig deeper into musical history and I started thinking about Rossini's "William Tell Overture", which I hadn't heard since I was that 12-year-old schoolkid. I bought a copy, sat in my studio, turned the speakers up loud and...my God, I just burst into tears.

"Rossini's command of music, the sheer scope and ambition of the piece, the standard of musicianship...Duran Duran were making incredible videos for millions of pounds back in the Eighties, but I tried to imagine the extravagance and scale of Rossini's opera—and it seemed to stretch way beyond anything as piffling as pop music."

James admits that, before the William

CLASSICAL MUSIC HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW?

Elgar will be turning in his grave. Two-thirds of Britons don't know he wrote "Pomp and Circumstance" (aka "Land of Hope and Glory"), a tune many think should be our national anthem. But this is just one of numerous alarming results in a nationwide survey we conducted of 1,516 adults to discover what people think of classical music—and how much they know about it.

Just 27% of poll respondents had chosen to listen to classical music in the previous week. Over a third never choose to listen to it. Yet only 16% say they actually dislike classical music, and 61% like it either "a little" or "a tot", with more men (65%) keen on it than women (58%) and more over-55s (74%) than under-35s (51%), which suggests something is getting in the way of their potential enjoyment.

Two-thirds of Britons didn't know Elgar wrote "Pomp and Circumstance"

THE SHOCKING TRUTH

»A whopping 41% don't own a single classical CD (rising to 59% of under-35s). 48% of those in the north of England don't own a classical CD against 28% of the Welsh.One in five Brits owns more than five-27% of men, 14% of women.

80% of people in Wales like classicalcompared with 54% of northerners.

» 52%have played classical music alone at home.25% have played it at home with the family. 33%have never played it.

0 21% first heard classical music at school-15% of under-35s,27/oof over-55s.20% first heard it in the family home, 19%onTVor in afilm. 27%per cent were put off it by the way it was taught in school.

» Proportion who didn't know the following were classical composers: Pachelbel 79%.Rossini 45%.Bizet 45%.Debussy 40%.Elgar27%.Vivaldi

F ,/0 thought

Bocconcini wrote music, rather than being small Italian cheese balls

21%.Handel 17%.

Tchaikovsky 15%.Mozart 11%.6% didn't know any classical composers at all.

» Proportion who didn't know who wrote the following pieces of music:"The Planets" (it was Hoist) 57%."The 1812 Overture" (Tchaikovsky) 68%."The Four Seasons" (Vivaldi) 56%."William Tell Overture" (Rossini) 79%."The Ride of the Valkyries" (Wagner) 73%. Men knew far more than women— with up to twice as 73% didn't know Wagner wrote "The Ride of the Valkyries"

thought Brandenburg (as in the concerto) was a composer

many knowingthe correct composer.Up to six times as many over-55s as under-35s knew the correct composer.

>4 But fear not, classical music buffs, it's not all bad news...75%of poll respondents like hearing classical music in films, on television programmes or in adverts. 52% would like to know more about classical music.64% think classical music should be more popular.

• For more classical music questions and the full results of our poll, visit rdmag.co.uk

FANFARE FOR THE COMMON COLD

Classical music doesn't just lift your spirits—it can improve your health, too

Handel supposedly composed his Water Musicat George l's request to sharpen the king's poor memory; US doctors used music to treat Second World War soldiers for shell shock; and Alex James puts on a bit of Debussy when he's feeling unwell. The healing powers of classical music are many and varied.

In 1993, University of California researchers observed that listening to ten minutes of Mozart'sSonata for Two Pianos in D Majorgreatly enhanced spatial reasoning skills, such as paper folding. Then, in 1998, when the same sonata was played regularly to epileptic patients, they had 65% fewer seizures. These findings inspired other research.

In 2007, a doctors' practice in Fish Hoek, South Africa, observed the beneficial effect of Bach's Magnificaton patients' immune systems and a 2008 Hungarian study reported that classical music offers a safe way to treat insomnia in the young.

Recent discoveries have been even more significant. Last December, researchers at Tel Aviv Sourasky Medical Centre played Mozart sonatas to 20 premature babies. Their metabolism slowed, potentially helping them gain weight. And in July, researchers at the Santa Anna Institute in Crotone, Italy, reported that classical music changes the heart rate of vegetative patients, suggestingthat music can affect the neural systems of emotion even when conscious thought is impossible. Elizabeth Adlam

Tell moment, he still had the attitude he'd had at school. "Damon [Albarn, Blur's lead singer] grew up listening to classical music and brought a lot of those ideas to the band—if you listen to something like 'The Universal' [which currently features on British Gas adverts], it's got loads of strings and brass. But I can remember him giving me Vaughan Williams's 'Lark Ascending' sometime in the Nineties and me not really getting it. Classical was the musical equivalent of posh wine or posh cheese: it could only be appreciated by people who really knew about that sort of thing."

Of course, James now makes his own

cheese, the acclaimed Little Wallop, and reckons that the "posh" thing is a load of rubbish. "All that really matters with cheese is whether it tastes any good. It's the same with music. Rock, pop, classical, jazz or whatever...you either like it or you don't. Who cares if it's cool or not? Who cares if the teachers like it? Music is just a huge garden. It might be full of different plants and vegetables, but the most important thing is everyone's welcome in that garden."

But our survey investigating people's attitudes to classical music suggests that not many people are interested in

James's offer of a stroll around the musical cabbage patch. It seems that fewer than two-thirds of us share his enthusiasm for classical music, 80% of us own fewer than five classical CDs and 41% don't own any. And we're pretty ignorant about composers, too. Some 40% of us don't know who Debussy is, 57% have no idea who wrote "The Planets" and 56% don't know that Vivaldi wrote "The Four Seasons".

"Really? Wow! That's disappointing... bloody disappointing," says Alex. "Mind you, let's try and put things in perspective here. If you went out into the streets and asked a hundred people who Florence Welch is [lead singer with Florence and the Machine], I bet you that 90% of them wouldn't know. Her band are THE pop phenomenon of the last couple of years, but lots of people don't know about them.

"Two-thirds of people might not know who wrote 'Land Of Hope And Glory', but if you played it, I bet most of them would know what it was. The poll results are pretty grim, but I do think classical music matters to a lot of people. We get five million listeners to Classic FM. That's more than most shows on Channel 4 or BBC2. Classical music is on adverts, it's on film scores...it's part of the modern musical landscape."

disappointing", then? "There's no doubt that some elements of the classical music fraternity can be very elitist," he admits. "I've experienced it myself. Blur were at a party once and this bunch of classical-music buffs were so arrogant and scornful. They weren't interested in anything as base as pop music.

"Don't worry about the snobs and the knowit-all bores. They're usually the type who complain that Nessun Dorma' was used for the World Cup"

"Sadly, that sort of attitude makes the classical music world seem scary [20% of poll respondents think classical fans are snobby and/or aloof], but TV shows like Maestro can help. If you see Goldie [the programme's runner-up, who later performed at the Proms] conducting an orchestra, it's going to make you think again about classical music. And I hope my show can make a difference, too. Look, I'll be honest with you. I'm no expert. Compared with some people, I know b****r all about classical music! I'm a vulgarian. I like classical music on adverts. I like a bit of Charlotte Church. All I do on the programme is say, 'Here, have a listen to some Beethoven. I think it's lovely.'

Why are the poll results so "bloody

"I know it's easy to say, but try not to worry about the snobs and the knowit-all bores. They'll always be there, just as they are in rock music or interior decorating. They're the kind of people who complain that Nessun Dorma' was used as the theme for the World Cup, as if that cheapens the music. Come on, it was Pavarotti! Millions of people

listened to that music and burst into tears. Classical music was making sense to them. You know what? If you like a piece of classical music, just tell the snobs and the bores to f*** off!"

Like James himself, more than a quarter of the poll respondents were put off classical music at school. If we're going to change the public's attitude towards classical music, do we need some sort of Jamie Oliver-style campaign against the Turkey Twizzler music of countless X Factor finalists?

"That would never work," he says, shaking his head. "If schools became involved in some sort of establishment plot to popularise classical music, the kids would spot it a mile off.

Every Sunday, all we listen to is classical. I've got five kids and I can tell you that they love it just as much as they love the Ramones. We don't make a big deal about it. There are no rules and regulations. It's just there. A little seed planted in their brains at an early age."

What's a good piece of music to start with?

"You might want to try Bach's 'Air on a G String', possibly the most beautiful piece of music ever written"

"Imagine if they tried to market Glyndebourne as a classical version of Glastonbury. `Hey, kids! Come and listen to violins. Violins are cool!' What you'd end up with is some marketing man's idea of what classical music should be.

Remember the so-called sexy classical groups that appeared a few years ago? It was image over music. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!"

James wonders if the incentive has to come from parents. "I'm not talking about forcing your kids to listen to whole symphonies or anything like that, but what we've done at home is start a thing called Classical Sundays.

What's a good piece of music to start them with? "Well, you've got to have a bit of Beethoven in there. Personally, I'm in love with 'Symphony No l'—that's the piece I studied for Maestro— but you can't go wrong with 'No 5'. You might want to try Bach's 'Air on a G String', possibly the most beautiful piece of music ever written. You'd definitely be all right with Elgar. Even if you don't know he wrote it, 'Land of Hope and Glory' will make your heart soar. Oh, and here's a good one: Eric Coates. You should see my family cooking Sunday dinner to the sound of 'The Dambusters March'!"

And any to avoid? "I'd probably avoid that album Gary Barlow did with Camilla Kerslake. He seems like a lovely bloke, but all he's really done is take the drums off and call it classical."

Despite the disheartening results from our poll, James remains upbeat about the state of the classical-music industry "The last thing we need to do is start being dictatorial about this. Like

I did, people will find classical music in their own time. It's grounding. It's centring. It's calming. All those things that are good for you when life begins to feel too stressed and complicated.

"Even if I feel a bit under the weather, I can stick on Debussy and know that it will immediately lift my spirits. As time goes by, people will naturally gravitate towards that.

"I remember reading about an experiment where they'd played Blur's music to one set of chickens and Bach to another set. Apparently, the Bach eggs tasted nicer. Harry Potter's Dumbledore was right when he called music, 'a magic beyond all we do here'."

>> Have you had a classical music moment (like AlexJames' "William Tell Overture" experience)? Email readersletters@ readersdigest.co.uk.

MAKES YOU PROUD

The A to Z of Classic FM Music is a new four-CD collection with a full-colour hardback book (including a foreword by Alex James), priced £39.99. Order NOW at readersdigest.co.uk/classicfm or by phoning 0845 601 2670. See page 109 for more details.

>> For details of Alex James's radio how, visit classic com/a-z

As the holiday season draws to a close, there's something strangely uplifting in reading these complaints from British tourists, collected by travel reps over the years. Call it schadenfreude, if you like...

I"It should be explained f. in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits, like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"On my holiday in Goa, India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park, but no one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' threebedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"I was bitten by a mosquito. No one said they could bite."

Thomas theTank Engine's Other Friends

Reverend Awdry's railway books are a merchandising monolith, with millions of copies sold. Now, at 65, they've been made into a film. But for some, his stories aren't just childhood diversions. They're a way of life

BY ANDREA KON

When Margaret Awdry persuaded her husband to send the railway stories he'd created for their five-year-old son Christopher to a publisher in 1945, she unleashed a phenomenon. Edward, Gordon and Henry's adventures in The Three Railway Engines formed the first of 26 books the Reverend Wilbert Awdry

went on to publish in The Railway Series. Along with a further 15 books written by Christopher, they have sold more than 200 million copies and been translated into more than 30 languages.

Next month, the vicar's creations celebrate their 65th anniversary with the release of a debut feature film Misty Island

All aboard! Train enthusiast Stephen Walker displays one of his full-size Thomas-'- the Tank Engine replicas

Rescue. After all this time chuffing round the make-believe island of Sodor, the group of smiley-faced locomotives—including its most famous member, Thomas the Tank Engine—are still raking in tens of millions of pounds through DVDs, toys, clothes and the animated TV seriesThomas and Friends.There are even "Thomas Land"

theme parks in Drayton Manor Park, Staffordshire, and Fujikyu, Japan, with a total of 2.7 million visitors ayear.

Thomas and his cohorts remain as popular as ever—but some people go that extra mile to keep Reverend Awdry's stories alive.

TheStationManager

For Stephen Walker, Thomas isn't a character in a book: he's a real-life train.The 50-year-old manager of Embsay and Bolton Abbey Heritage Steam Railway, North Yorkshire, has spent two decades building and maintaining a full-sized, working re-creation of the engine.

"We also have a Percy and his coaches, Annie and Clarabel," says Stephen. "And a little diesel locomotive that used to work on the Wisbech and Upwell Tramway in Cambridgeshire that's believed to be the inspiration for the Mavis featured in Reverend Awdry's stories [he served at parishes in the area from 1946 until his retirement]."

Stephen's creations are used for Thomas Days Out, duringwhich the public get to ride on them. His railway, which has charitable status, runs ten events a year, attracting 20,000 paying visitors. Thomas and his cohorts also visit six or seven other Days Out at heritage steam centres nationwide.

Stephen spends many hours organising the Days Out and overseeingthe engines' care. "Because Thomas runs on steam and attracts a lot of coal dust, his driver and his fireman, both volunteers, have to give him a polish every single day. His maintenance costs us some £10,000 ayear and he has

On track: Marcus Hart's collection of memorabilia "runs into the thousands"

to undergo a complete overhaul once a decade that runs to £100,000.

"He weighs 35 tons, the same as three elephants. We have to use a low-load trailer to move him to other heritage centres. But I love it all. I think it's because Thomas was written in the era of old-fashioned railways, when they were run with pride.

"We want as many people as possible to experience Thomas for real: the smell of the paraffin from his lamps; the heat of the engine fires that turn him into a living being. We hope that's something children will take home with them and treasure for ever."

TheCollector

Stepping into the Harts' detached home near Shefford in Bedfordshire is like walking into a little slice of Sodor,thanks to the family'syoungest member, Marcus Hart. At seven, he's one of Britain's biggest collectors ofRailway Series memorabilia. Thomas and Friends jigsaws and toys litter the living room. Thomas books line the bookshelves. Thomas DVDs snuggle up under the Nand by the computer. Upstairs, the walls of Marcus' bedroom are lined withRailway Series-themed

posters; the bed is made with Thomas linen with Thomas pyjamas laid out ready for night-time. Marcus' wardrobe is filled with Thomas jeans, T-shirts and hats.

"We've never counted the number of items, but it probably runs into the thousands if you include all the broken, lost or outgrown bits," says Marcus' dad Roger, 47. "We used to read the stories to his nine-year-old sister Manishka when she was a toddler and Marcus became passionate about them, too, although he was only 18 months old."

Marcus' grandparents never need

wonder what to buy him for Christmas, but his mother Satti, 40, laughs. "I probably went a bit too far for his last birthday. We had a cake with Marcus' face on the front of an engine. He wasn't quite sure what to make of that."

"I've got a toy Rosie engine and I've got Percy, Gordon, Henry and James, too, although my Thomas got broken and I haven't got another one—yet," says Marcus. "Gordon is my naughtiest engine because he insists on driving straight into the coal heap at my house. Rosie is my favourite train because she pulls the other trains and when Gordon doesn't want to do his work, she takes over."

"Marcus learned to read using the Thomas books and they improve his vocabulary no end," says Roger, an executive at the Edexcel examinations board. "They have fired his imagination, allowing him to take himself away to an island and become whatever he wants to be."

TheFatController

Everyone needs to ensure their working practices are up to scratch, even Thomas' avuncular boss Sir Topham Hatt. That's why James Lovell, a director of the Ministry of Fun entertainment company, puts 30 aspiring and established Sir Tophams through a strict training programme every year.

"They need to know everything about him and how to act," he says. "We have to ensure the brand isn't compromised."

Today, Colin Steven, a 47-year-old actor who plays Sir Topham at Thomas Land, Drayton Manor Park, has travelled to the

ministry's south London office for his annual refresher course, which he needs to pass to get his Fat Controller's Service Certificate 2010.

First up is vocal performance. James tests Sir Topham (Colin) on a list of phrases that should be delivered in deep, preferably northern tones (Sodor is notionally located

just off the Cumbrian coast), which are loud enough to be heard over a crowd, but not enough to frighten the children.

"What's the highest praise the Fat Controller can offer?" asks James.

"You're a really useful engine!" booms Colin in reply.

"What does he say to engines when they're mischievous?"

"You're in trouble!" (Sir Topham must never call the engines—or kids—"bad").

Colin's played the Fat Controller for four years and admits that, at first, he thought it was just a matter of dressing up and saying hello. "I didn't realise what a responsibility it was, stepping out of Thomas' world and into the child's, creating magic."

Next, his uniform is inspected. It must

be perfect in every detail:

dark grey

trousers with well-pressed creases down the front; a black tailcoat with a white handkerchief in the pocket; a silk or felt black top hat; a bright yellow waistcoat; black, shiny shoes and grey or white spats.

"Sir Ralph Richardson once said he couldn't go on stage without his shoes," says Colin. "I can't be the Fat Controller without my spats."

Then James ensures Colin knows Sir Topham's code of conduct. He may not eat or drink in public. He must always be ready with a response to any awkward

Colin Steven is put through his paces at a "Fat Controller refresher course"

questions (though he can engineer "thinking time" by asking the child what he or she thinks). And he must stay within government child-protection guidelines.

A map of Sodor with its seven branch lines graces the ministry's walls. "It's more than just a home to Thomas and his friends," says James. "It's a safe haven for them and for children, where everything comes right in the end."

By the end of his gruellingthree-hour course, Colin has read a Thomas story in the required Sir Topham style, encouraged the adults watchingto sing"The Wheels on the Engine Go Round and Round" and demonstrated the hand movements needed to check his pocket watch against the train timetable.

He never looks remotely concerned

Christopher Awdry, son of the original creator, at his Dorset home: "My father and I couldn't have imagined how big everything would become"

that he will fail his test, but he's delighted when James gives him his certificate.

"Thank you very much. That's really useful," he says.

TheAuthor: ChristopherAwdry

"Steam railways were my father's passion. Many of his stories were based on real-life engines and events he'd read about in enthusiast magazines. I loved the railways, too, but worked for the Inland Revenue. Although it was my ambition to write for a living, I didn't have rosetinted spectacles.

"Then my own son Richard, now 30, fell in love with the Thomas stories and, just for fun, I made one up to add to his grandfather's repertoire. It was based on a true story I'd read and concerned Thomas valiantly rescuing another engine and bringing it home, only to run out of steam himself 100 yards from the platform.

"I carried on making up stories, but they were never intended for publication. Then, in March 1983, my parents came to stay. On the morningthey left, we had to wait half an hour for their taxi, so I took my stories out and showed them to myfather."

"`Do Kaye and Ward [his then publishers] know anything about these?' he asked.

"'Goodness gracious, no,' I replied.

"It was 11 years since he'd written a book, so he told me to send them in. That year, a collection of four of my tales called Really Useful Engines was published.

"What I didn't know at the time of writing was that producer Britt Allcroft

was creating the Thomas series for ITV. It was broadcast in 1984, has been screened in 130 countries and took the popularity to a new level. My father and I couldn't have imagined how big everything would become. My 16th book will be published next year to celebrate Father's centenary.

"He and I often pondered what the enduring appeal of the stories was. It could be the pictures, the unusual shape of the books, or that different children can identify with different engines. We never came up with a proper answer. But I do know that the appeal is universal."

>a Misty Island Rescue opens in Vue cinemas nationwide on October 2.

This month, the wing of a Morpho aega butterfly

Morpho aega is a species of butterfly found mainly in South America. Its wing scales are transparent, but tiny ridges break up and reflect light to give them a shimmering appearance (in Greek mythology, Aega was the daughter of sun god Helios and had dazzling skin). The picture is magnified over 100 times.

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They're not high-tech or cutting edge, but these simple DIY health checks are easy, cost nothing— and could do you a power of good!

SIXHEALTH CHECKSTHATCAN SAVEYOURLIFE

1Doa WheezeCheck

Untreated asthma if to 80,000 A&E visits and 1,200 deaths a year

Asthma can make exercise a struggle and normal activities a challenge, but it's often overlooked, especially in adults. According to Asthma UK, 75 per cent of A&E asthma admissions and go per cent of asthma deaths could be avoided.

Experts say that about ten per cent of the over-65s have the disease without realising. "You may thinkyou're just having breathing problems because you're getting

older," says University of Arizona researcher Paul Enright. "But don't downplay it. Undiagnosed asthma can make life difficult—and could even be deadly."

HOME CHECK Askyourself these two

questions, which were used to assess respiratory health in a pair of studies involving nearly 27,000 people. The questions are simple—but they can identify asthma in 90 per cent of people: i. Do you wheeze sometimes? 2. Do you experience shortness of breath while you're exercising or exertingyourself?

YOUR NEXT STEP If you answered yes to one or both questions, ask your doctor to checkyou for asthma, Dr Enright says. They may prescribe an inhaler to see if it helps, or perform a spirometry test. If that signals asthma, they may then carry out an inhalation challenge—both tests help your doctor gauge your lung function.

2ReadYourPalms

Iron deficiency leaves you exhausted and can reduce immunity, but your hands hold a clue

Iron is your body's "energy" mineral, grabbing oxygen from every breath you take and sending it all overyour body. If you

don't have enough, you may develop bone-weary fatigue, problems concentrating and even shortness of breath and an irregular heartbeat.

Unfortunately, deficiencies aren't uncommon: it's estimated that 20 per cent of women (and half of all pregnant women) and three per cent of men have low iron levels. "Ws very common to be anaemic and not be aware of it, because it comes on slowly and insidiously," says Lloyd Van Winkle, of the University of Texas Health Science Centre in San Antonio.

HOME CHECK Spread your palm wide. Are the creases pale? "No matter whatyour natural skin colour is, unusually pale palm creases, pale gums or paleness insideyour eyelids are signs of reduced circulation in the small blood vessels near the surface of your skin. It's caused by low iron," Dr Van Winkle says.

YOUR NEXT STEPAsk your doctor if you should have a haemoglobin or haematocrit test for levels of iron-rich haemoglobin in your blood. Your doctor should examine your red blood cells too (Small and pale could mean trouble). There's also a serum ferritin testyou can have, which measures levels of a protein that helps store iron—good for flagging up early signs of iron deficiency.

TapYourToes

Heart rhythm troubles trigger as many as 20 per cent of all strokes. This test can help prevent one.

Off-rhythm heartbeats—the crazy palpitations of atrial fibrillation (AFib)—

are responsible for up to 12,500 strokes each year in this country alone. Most could be avoided if it weren't for the fact that about a third of the estimated 600,000 Brits with atrial fibrillation don't realise they have the condition.

"It isn't just the occasional missed heartbeat—you have extremely irregular rhythms," says Dr Gregory Lip, professor of cardiovascular medicine at the University of Birmingham. "The upper chambers of the heart just quiver. This lets blood pool briefly in the heart, which can form a clot. When a beat pushes the blood out, the clot can go right to the brain."

HOME CHECKTap your foot to the rhythm of your pulse (find it by placing a finger on your wrist or neck) for one minute. In several studies, this test alerted doctors to over 90 per cent of atrial fibrillation cases, confirmed by heart monitoring. "If the beat is so irregular that you can't tap along, relax for an hour and check again," Professor Lip says. "If it's still uneven, speak to your GP." YOUR NEXT STEPAfter listening to your heart,your doctor may order an electrocardiogram, which gives a detailed

picture of howyour heart is beating. Some people with atrial fibrillation can take blood thinners to prevent a stroke but sometimes other medicines or procedures are needed to control heart rhythm.

TheTwo-Minute DiabetesQ&A

Uncontrolled diabetes doubles your risk of heart disease and shortens life by up to 15 years. Here's how to find out if you're heading for trouble.

Doctors miss opportunities to test people who are at high risk of diabetes shockingly often. The result? Accordingto the Yorkshire and Humber Public Health Observatory, seven million people in the UK have pre-diabetes. And another one million are living with undiagnosed diabetes.

So grab a pencil—this self-check is easy, says Heejung Bang, PhD, of Weill Cornell Medical College, New York—but it can identify nine out of ten people at risk of dangerous blood-sugar problems.

HOME CHECKCircle your answers, then add up the points.

1.How old are you? (Under 40: o points; 4o-49:1;50-59:2;6o or older: 3)

2.Are you a woman (o) or a man (1)?

3.Does a family member (parent, brother, or sister) have diabetes? (No: o;yes:1)

4.Do you have high blood pressure or are you on medication for high blood pressure? (No: o;yes:1)

5.Are you overweight or obese? (Normal weight: o; overweight:1; obese: 2; extremely obese:3)

6. Are you physically active? (No: o; yes: -1)

YOUR NEXT STEP "If your total score is 4 or higher, there's a chance you could have pre-diabetes," Bang says. "If it's 5 or higher, you're at a higher risk for diabetes. See your doctor fora blood-sugar test."

5

Measure YourMiddle

With an oversized waist,

your risk of an early death shoots up—even

if you aren't

overweight

A bulging middle is a signal that you have lots of visceral fat—that thick,yellow stuff deep in the abdomen that pumps fatty acids, appetite-stimulating hormones, and inflammation-fuelling chemicals into the blood. In a recent study of 360,000 people from nine European countries, big waistlines spelled disaster even for people who weren't overweight. They increase the risk of premature death by 79 per cent for women, and double it for men. A big

middle is particularly hard on the heart—the Netherlands Heart Foundation found that a third of fatal heart diseases were attributed to waistline girth and weight. Even so, experts say, doctors frequently fail to measure the waists of normal-weight patients—which means they're likely to be missing "ab fat" in these otherwise slender patients.

HOME CHECK

Bare your torso and stand in front of a mirror. Circle your waist with a tape measure, then move it down until the bottom of the tape rests at the top of your hip bones. Don't hold your breath or cinch the tape too tight. Write down the number.

YOUR NEXT STEP For men, the risk for diabetes and heart disease begins to rise with a reading of 37 inches; 40 inches and higher is considered high risk. For women, 32 inches is the danger threshold, and 35 inches is high-risk terrain. Best ways to shrink visceral fat? Exercise, and a Mediterranean diet (plenty of fresh produce, monounsaturated fat from olive oil and nuts, grains and fish). Because visceral fat is more metabolically active than fat elsewhere, it comes off relatively fast asyou start to lose weight.

TheTwo-Second DepressionQuiz

Depression is bad for your heart, memory and more

When psychiatrist Alex Mitchell of the University of Leicester analysed 41 studies involving 50,000 people from around the world, he found that doctors missed depression 5o per cent of the time.

That's an important oversight, since undiagnosed depression is linked to a higher risk for diabetes, heart disease and other chronic conditions, as well as suicide.

HOME CHECK It can be tricky to figure out ifyou're just a little down or depressed enough to ask for help. But when New Zealand family doctors asked 421 men and women a couple of questions, they spotted 97 per cent of those suffering from depression, say researchers from the University of Auckland. The quiz isn't perfect: like other depression screening tests it turns up lots of false positives, but consider it a doctor-patient conversation starter: 1. During the past month, have you often been bothered by feeling down, depressed or hopeless?

2. During the past month, have you often been bothered by having little interest or pleasure in doing things?

4:41( YOUR NEXT STEP "If you answered yes

to one or both questions, it's worth talking to your doctor," says psychologist Marian Stuart, professor emeritus at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School of New Jersey. "The good news is that there's a lot of help available to you, including counselling, exercise and, if you need them, antidepressants. The first place to go is to your family doctor, who hopefully knows you and your life."

"Wow, I haven't seen you since school...you really haven't changed!"

Meet Helen Gray, 30, from Scotland. This is her all-women team in Mozambique— and they have one of the most dangerous iTt jobs in the world

XIBULUKW/ ZOPHUL IK A! ZVIMU ANON!!

It's deployment day at the Halo Trust's compound in Zimpeto district, north Maputo, Mozambique—a day that's fondly described in Portuguese, the national tongue of Mozambique, as the day of confusao. Halo is the world's oldest and largest landmine-clearance organisation and, today, 15 of 26 highly specialised teams working in Maputo have just returned from their eight-day leave and are about to embark on three weeks of living and working in one of Mozambique's remaining 139 minefields. The atmosphere is tense because these men and women work at what is widely acknowledged as one of the world's most dangerous jobs—de-miner.

It's still the rainy season, but today there's nothing but brilliant sunshine

and an intense wilting African heat. Helen Gray, a resourceful Scot brought up on an East Lothian farm and now programme manager for Halo (it stands for Hazardous Area Life-Support Organisation) in Mozambique, pulls into the compound in her Nissan pickup and surveys the scene. What greets her is a blur of activity. Land Rovers and trucks are being refuelled, tents and sleeping bags are being loaded and stores are emptied of food and the essential demining kit the teams will need for the three weeks they'll spend in the field.

After several hours they are ready for deployment throughout Maputo province and they leave the relative safety of Halo's compound.

Helen has just returned from taking Susan Eckey, deputy director-general of the Norwegian Foreign Ministry, and her accompanying delegation on a factfinding mission in the Halo minefields. One of the two all-women teams Halo employs had extended their days in the field to accommodate the visit and will now redeploy later in the week.

Halo, a non-profit non-governmental organisation, has its head office in Dumfries, Scotland. It deployed its first de-mining team in Mozambique on February 20,1994, and has now declared the country's six northern provinces mine-free—after exploding more than 100,000 mines—leaving only the south to be made safe.

After finishing her BSc in biology and anthropology at Durham University, Helen worked for the Scottish Sea Bird centre and then as an expedition guide

A day in the life: the de-miners must pack enough provisions to last them for 21 days in the field (left); a typical day starts at 6am (top); clearing a path to the minefield itself (ahove),

in Peru's threatened rainforests. Back in Britain she speculatively sent her CV to Halo. Her neighbour had told her about the organisation and she'd already decided she wanted to work in a humanitarian field.

Helen has worked for Halo since 2004—when she was just 24—doing her initial six-month training in Cabo Delgado, on the northern border of Mozambique, in the minefields laid by the Portuguese back in the early 1970s,

when the country was fighting for its independence from Portugal. She then worked in Angola, but returned to Mozambique in January 2008. In February last year she was asked to run the country's operations, with responsibility for all its 370 staff and a budget of £1.8 million, just over half of what she needs if Mozambique is to hit its 2014 target to become completely mine-free.

"My job gives me tremendous .satisfaction," Helen says. "It's brilliant to be able to send de-miners to an unsafe area to clear the land. That land then

goes back to the local community, and you can return in a few months and see maize growing or the houses or schools that have been built there. The landmine problem has gone—for ever. You don't get that sort of reward in many jobs."

Learning to be a de-miner is painstaking work. Helen remembers her first day: "I really wanted to find a mine. For safety reasons, the drill we learn is systematic and repetitive. But, as I'd done all the training, I didn't want to find a metal signal with the detector and then spend 20 minutes carefully scraping and excavating my way towards a coke can! I wanted to find a mine."

It's this level of commitment that allows Helen and her staff to tackle the mine clearance Mozambique so desperately needs. A country that after 20 years of struggle with Portugal faced an internal civil war between Frelimo (the Liberation Front of Mozambique), now the government, and Renamo (the Mozambican National Resistance party), which was secretly backed by Rhodesia and later South Africa. An effective cease-fire came into force on October 15,1992, and it has stuck to this day. Its legacy, however, was 900,000 deaths, five million displaced persons and an estimated 200,000 landmines deployed by all sides in the conflict.

Leaving the compound Helen joins the road west of Maputo, driving for an hour towards the South African border. We arrive at one of the"equipa de meninas"minefields or "girls' sections". The women are working in a minefield near the old electricity pylon route.

Left and top: the charge and fuse that will be used to destroy a Russian mine.

Above left: Helen Gray supervising the delicate work.

Above right: Claudia Matsinhe, de-miner, is also a single mother with a sixyear-old daughter.

Right: this plume of smoke means that the detonation has been successful

The ten-strong team has been awake since 4.30am—work starts in the minefields at first light at Gam, finishing at 1pm in the afternoon. The working day is dictated by the need to avoid the worst of the heat. Nevertheless, temperatures can get into the late 30s C, producing a punishing environment in which it's hard to maintain physical strength and concentration—both crucial for de-miners—along with the strict adherence to all the procedures they have

HALO ICON

In January 1997, the last year of her life, Princess Diana visited a Halo minefield on the outskirts of Huambo City, Angola. The pictures of her visit were seen throughout the world.

"Diana was visiting the International Committee of The Red Cross in Angola when they suggested that she should visit one of our minefields," Helen says. "She brought fantastic visibility to the need for humanitarian mine clearance and the issue of mine use."

been trained to follow to stay alive.

The women wear ballistic visors and kevlar flak jackets and systematically cover the land inch by inch with metal detectors. Since lapses in concentration could be fatal, they take a ten-minute break every hour.

The first women's section was formed within Halo in 2007. "The perception in Mozambique was that de-mining was a job done by men," says Helen. "When we were recruiting, we clearly stated that applications were welcome from both women and men, and we found that many women applied. They've done incredibly well and some have been promoted through our system."

Helen's mobile is ringing; when she answers she's informed that they're ready for the destruction of a landmine at Mubobo minefield a mile or so away. Mubobo is the most heavily mined area remaining in Maputo province. The Frelimo government laid it during the civil war to impede sabotage of the vital pylons providing the capital, Maputo, with its electricity supply.

Section supervisor Onorio Manuel, 22, meets Helen on our arrival. From the safety of the designated control point, he formally briefs her on the situation in the minefield. After the safety equipment has been put on, Onorio primes the pentolite explosive charge he needs to destroy a Russian mine they've detected near one of the pylons. This type of mine is designed to blow off not just a foot, but a whole leg.

"It's Halo policy to destroy every mine and each piece of unexploded

ordnance we discover," Helen explains as she monitors Onorio's progress. "Then we know it's gone for all time."

The two walk slowly into the minefield, the safe zones being clearly marked by red-tipped sticks in the ground. "If you're inside these markers then you're safe," says Helen.

They solemnly pass the skeletal remains of two individuals whose deaths in this minefield passed without ceremony long ago.

"They were probably trying to steal metal, then stepped on one of the mines planted here, but managed to crawl off— only to die here alone. They're not from this area, so their bodies haven't been claimed. We're deciding with the locals what we should do with them once we've completely cleared this area," she comments.

A whistle blows, giving the signal for the whole team in the minefield to withdraw to a safe distance as Onorio lays the charge. "You always do this part alone," Helen explains. "One man, one risk." A fuse that will burn for five minutes has been chosen, ample time for Onorio to join Helen 100 yards from the blast zone—the distance deemed safe for this type of landmine.

The minutes are counted down, then the seconds as the detonation time approaches. The noise of the bang hits you first, followed by the sight ciit ,

PASSIONKILLER

a Halo supervisor, says: "We work here to rid our country of mines. I feel proud as a woman to be doing this job. It was seen as men's work, but I am proving otherwise."

of a mushroom-shaped black plume of smoke that pushes its way up into the sky as the explosive charge and the mine itself are destroyed. Then it's all over— and in Maputo province there's one less mine to worry about.

From a report in the Daily Mail about the Liberal Democrat Chris Huhne: "In the week he left his wife for a younger woman, his expenses reveal he claimed money for servicing an old boiler." Submitted by Pam Collins, Coventry

Domingas Lacrimosa Lina Dias, 28,

A murmuration of starlings is one of nature's most exhilarating sights. Photographer Nick Sinclair caught some in dramatic mid-flight over the fields of his Suffolk home

uch of the pleasure in photo comes from their chaos," says Nick Sinclair."There's no leader and no structure; just a constant triggering of responses from individual birds, rapidly reacting to one another and vying for position.

"There are many variables. Birds roost in different areas on different nights. They are spooked by predators—even if conditions are perfect, if you want a photo you can't afford to be too far away. The action is fast and short-lived. Once a critical mass is reached, the birds dive for a safe roost and the sky is empty, as if they were never there.

"I've photographed at this spot many times; you have a clear view over the reeds, while being close enough to the birds. The evening sun is behind you, but in the end it is always down to chance.

"On this occasion the swirling mass of birds came low and close. For a few seconds they were all around me. It was a unique, exciting and alarming experience—to be in the flock, to hear the sound and feel the wind-tunnel force of thousands upon thousands of wing beats."

STAR(T)LING FACTS

• Average-size flocks are around 5,000-6,000.

• Murmurations are biggest in winter, thanks to thousands of immigrant birds.

• The base of their beaks differ according to sex: pink for girls, blue for boys!

• Starlings are in decline, thanks to reduced pasture land where they hunt for insects and the loss of key roosting sites. In cities, they're often discouraged because the severe acidity of their droppings can damage buildings.

• Many starlings—like their close relations, mynah birds—have the ability to mimic the human voice.

For Mikeoting photographs, visit nicksinclair.com/sitefportfotios/ 'PagesiA Murmur at_Every_ Turn.htnit

looks back fondly on student agitation, rock-star posing and dodging bullets

in Croatia

I Remember.• II

...when I was six in 1971,cycling along the pavement past the post box down Northey Avenue in Cheam and saying to myself, If I don't have any memories before this, then this needs to be my first one, which suggests a worryingly organised young

My first day at school, aged four

mind. I just knew that everyone was supposed to have a first memory.

...my dad cranking the Morris Minor with a starting handle in the mornings to go to work. The car had wooden panels; if we'd ever been involved in a crash, we'd have been impaled on matchsticks. Dad was a college lecturer throughout his life, my mum was a housewife —modest suburban people. They spent every penny on educating me and my brother and sister. Our annual holiday was in a beach but in Cornwall.

...a lot of DIY throughout my childhood.There always seemed to be a houseful of people digging foundations

Rocking out with my brother Tim (left) and sister Sonya (in background)— three moptops (Literally, in my case) dreaming of stardom

and extensions. My dad would help them, often with my grandfather, who was a builder himself. I once found an electric drill upstairs—I turned it on and held it like a gun.

...going to church every week. I sometimes wonder if this helps explain why my brother [Tim Vine, the comedian] and I have had careers in the public eye. We spent a lot of time in the most important place in town listening to its most important person. The vicar in his pulpit was a potent form of stagecraft.

...writing in to the Kenny Everett Show at Capital Radio and applying for their young DJ spot. I was bowled over by going to their studios and playing my three records— "Good Luck Charm" by Elvis Presley, a Showaddywaddy hit and James Galway's "Annie's Song"—though I can't believe I liked that. My mum must have persuaded me to pick it.

...we had a Dormobile, one of those camper vans with an extendable roof. I was unaware that this was a major fashion disaster and would arrive at school alongside the other boys in their parents' BMWs. I remember listening to Terry Wogan on Radio 2 on the way to school.

...my prep school Aberdour in Surrey was a very unusual, eccentric place. It was one of those post-war schools built around a particular personality (in a way they never are now) and run in an autocratic way. The headmaster, Richard Grange, was a Scot and wore a kilt. He taught Latin and mowed the lawn outside our classrooms, making it hard to concentrate.

...we

did a Shakespeare play each year and, aged 11,

I

played

Macbeth. I'd learn

a different speech every day on the way back from school-20 minutes and I'd know it. The wonderful spongy nature of children's minds! I couldn't do that now

...we swam naked in the unheated swimming pool all year round. We weren't allowed to wear trunks and in the summer term were forbidden to use the top diving board in case the parents watching cricket over the fence might see us. It never seemed strange at the time.

...12 of us sat for scholarships to our secondary schools. A1112 of us won them. For a lot of the boys it meant the

Trying to emulate my music heroes—but, realistically, I was never going to make it as a drummer

difference between going to a really good school or not. I remember a teacher saying to a friend of mine, "Well done, you're the top scholar into Cranleigh," and him bursting into tears with relief.

...I was a bit of a nerd at Epsom College.I wasn't sporty and that was important at public school. I was in with a group of boys who were also rugbyteam rejects. Our passion was music: bands like Buzzcocks, Theatre of Hate, Sex Pistols and Joy Division. I'd shut myself in my bedroom and play my music at top volume. Joy Division really spoke to me, yet the disconnect between these working-class boys from Salford and my privileged public-school life was immense.

...Elvis Costello became a lifelong hero of mine.He's the prime lyricist; so intense, full of love, hate, passion and bitterness. His music found me at that passionate stage in life in my late teens. I've seen him in concert 13 times.

...the politics at Durham Universityand how intense it was to be in northern England at that time. The miners' strike was going on and there was a lot of anti-Thatcher feeling. People spent their days hating Thatcher, some students barely able to do their coursework. I remember thinking I didn't have that strength of conviction.

Even when everyone else was boycotting Barclays Bank because of its involvement in South Africa, I didn't close my account. It wasn't until I was living in South Africa years later that I understood the pain apartheid caused.

presented a show for Metro Radio,the north-east's local independent station. Giles Squire, the programme controller, gave me a weekly slot from 2am to 5am. I used to borrow a car and drive to this remote studio to broadcast live on air. I was paid £8 an hour, which seemed a huge amount of money to

an undergraduate. I've always been grateful to Giles for that opportunity.

...being very keen and working at weekends on the Today Programme on Radio 4 during my news trainee course at the BBC. They gave me a job as a reporter in 1989. I'd come into the office, passport at the ready. One day I was told to get to Heathrow and report on the bombing by the Yugoslav army in Slovenia. I grabbed my tape machine and left, exhilarated; it felt like being in a movie.

...being ambushed in Croatia. I was doing a story on photographers in war zones. They tend to be extremely brave because they have to take the best photos if they're going to get paid. We were driving in a big red car—what were we thinking?—across a cornfield when firing started. We flung ourselves into a ditch. I heard a bullet whizz past my head, mortars were fired and a bomb exploded behind us.

...thinking...we could die here. There's nothing so frightening as hearing a mortar being fired and not knowing where the bomb is going to drop. We scrambled back into the car and managed, under intense fire, to turn it around and drive

I had the largest stereo on holiday and looked a total berk

at about 100 miles an hour out of that cornfield. I was 25 and it felt a long way from Cheam.

...I loved being involved in politics and by the time of the 1997 General Election I'd been reporting from Westminster for five years. Late, breathed and slept politics

...being glad to widen my horizons as BBC Africa correspondent. I went to 18 African countries in the space of three years. I lived in Johannesburg when South Africa was trying to sort itself out after apartheid.

...interviewing Robert Mugabe before BBC reporters were banned from Zimbabwe in 2001. He was explaining his

As told to Caroline Hutton

land reforms and came across as an intelligent man with a waspish sense of humour. He talked about theatre and poetry, and so it was shocking to see events unfold in which elections were rigged, the opposition bullied and farmers driven out of their homes.

...a little boy who gave me my strongest memory of Africa. We were in Namibia trying to find people in rural areas with Aids and found villages where it seemed there wasn't a single unaffected family. We met a grandmother looking after her grandson. Both his parents had died of Aids and he had it too.I thought, This is the most

SnapSchott

miserable thing. He won't get the medicines he needs and he'll die. It made me think about the unfairness of life and how little we can do to change that, but how important it is to try.

...visiting a mentalhospital in Angola—a woeful country, one of the world's poorest. The "patients" were tied fo car parts under the African sun.

...spending a lot of my career trying to get the jobs I wanted and then trying to keep them. Now, at the age of 45, I try to spend my time enjoying the moment and not dwelling on things that have gone wrong. I'm lucky—I love what I do.

Exercising Yourself by

Ben Schott

Why Russian billionaires are funding the quest for human immortality

BY JULIET BUTLER

Moscow scientists now believe they're close to finding a way to halt the ageing process

hen 19-year-old

Lena Metnikova came home from university in 2005, her mother did a double take. "She told me I'd suddenly got really pronounced frown lines and wrinkles around my mouth," says Lena, who lives in the Russian republic of Mari El, 500 miles east of Moscow.

Over the next year, Lena was horrified to see herself age by what looked like ten years. "My skin sagged and the wrinkles deepened. I was growing into an old woman before my very eyes."

Her mother took her to specialists all over Russia and eventually she was diagnosed with a rare rapid-ageing disease called Werner Syndrome. Sufferers usually die in their forties. "They told me there was no cure, but I just couldn't bear looking like that so I started going to faith healers and witches. It got even worse, so in the end I just locked myself up at home and wouldn't come out."

But help would come from an unexpected and innovative source. Lena learned of Beauty Plaza, a Moscow clinic with a growing reputation for helping wealthy Russians defy the ageing process by injecting their skin with stem cells (which can grow into any type of new tissue) to keep it looking young.

The clinic's director, Dr Alexander Teplyashin, was keen to prove his methods on such an extreme case, so he agreed to treat Lena for free. He injected the cells into her face and over the next year her skin became plumper and smoother. She returns for the treatment

every year and, four years on, although Werner's other possible effects—such as heart disease—mean her long-term prognosis is uncertain, she at least looks like a young woman again. "I'm so happy and so grateful," she says. "It's 100 per cent changed my life."

Lena's case is the tip of Russia's anti-ageing iceberg. The country's wealthy elite, including several billionaire oligarchs, are investing millions into research to find the magic molecule or process that might halt the ageing process—and bring them untold wealth and a healthy life well past 100.

Yuri Shevchenko, a former health minister and board member of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences, has called on Russian scientists to win "the global challenge for the best programme for prolonging human life"—and they are getting close. The heady Soviet days of superpower status seem a distant dream. But by dramatically extending life—the 21st-century version of winning the space race—these scientists might be about to change that.

Teplyashin's controversial work has led the way. He set up his clinic in 1994, exploiting loopholes in Russian law to pioneer a treatment outlawed in most countries owing to a lack of major trials and unproven fears that it may cause cancer. "In Britain it's difficult [to test new treatments] on animals, let alone humans, because of animal rights groups," he says. "In Russia, people pay to try them."

As his techniques have gradually improved, he has acquired more than

Diagnosed at 19 with a rare rapid-ageing disease called Werner Syndrome, Lena was desperate to find a cure

4,500 wealthy clients happy to pay around £21,000 for treatment. Many have stem-cell injections in their neck and stomach, believing it will rejuvenate their internal organs, too.

Modesty, and perhaps embarrassment, mean his clients are reluctant to give their names in interviews. One businessman explains his reasons for having treatment simply: "I just want more time to make more money."

The results, at least on the surface, do seem remarkable. A couple in their late forties, who recently had their first child, look little more than 30. "We have also had our eggs and sperm frozen so that we can have another child when we're in our fifties or sixties, while still looking and feeling like parents not grandparents," they say.

But the apparent success of stem-cell therapy is now just a stepping stone for the Russian super-rich's quest for immortality. Their scientists—many of whom see stem-cell injections as unproven and crude—are on the verge of launching a series of treatments that will take things to a new level.

One of the oligarch-funded leading lights is 40-year-old biochemist Evgeny Nudler. He was lured away from his homeland by a faculty position at New York University in 1997 and became its youngest-ever professor shortly afterwards. But, during a return visit to Moscow eight years later, he met the billionaire businessman Dmitry Zimin, founder of the mobile-phone operator BeeLine.

Zimin had become alarmed by the number of young Russian scientists leaving for the West, particularly the US, to work for the good of a different country. So, in 2001, he set up a charitable foundation called Dynasty to fund their research in Russia.

"I was introduced to him through friends and I thought, What an amazing persona' says Nudler. "He asked me what subject I would most like to research and I said ageing. I'd studied it a bit and wanted to know more."

In the West, where millions are spent on the study of age-related diseases but the broader theme of anti-ageing research is not considered true science,

Meet the oligarchs

Who are the mega-rich men funding the quest for eternal. youth?

Oleg Deripaska,

42. Aluminium magnate who, according to Forbes magazine, had a fortune of £18 billion in 2008 making him the 9th richest man in the world. The recession knocked him back to £6.9 billion and 57th place.

Dmitry Zimin, 77. Worked asa radio engineer in the Soviet Union before founding BeeLine, the largest mobile phone operator in Russia in 1992. It has 25 million subscribers and an annual revenue of £4.5 billion. His motto: "Success comes from always being able to change with the times."

Timur Artemyev,

36. Started out assembling landline phones and selling them through newspaper ads. Formed Yevroset, which sells mobile phones, with Yevgeny Chichvarkin in 1997. It had a turnover of £2.3 billion in 2005 and was sold in 2008 for £257 million. Booked on the first Virgin Galactic flight into space.

Alexander Chikunov,46. Studied economics before becoming MD of energy company RAO UESR. Having quit business he now runs the Rostock Group foundation that funds Russian scientists, including Vladimir Skulachev, in the search for "a pharmaceutical answer to prolongingyouth".

Nudler had little opportunity for this kind of work. Zimin was happy to give him a free hand—and £160,000 a year to open the Geron Lab in Moscow.

"After four years of trials on nematode worms we've now identified several molecules that dramatically affect lifespan—in fact two of them almost double it," says Nudler. With billions in potential earnings at stake, he won't reveal what these molecules are or how they will be incorporated into a treatment, but says: "Luckily for us, they could potentially be used in humans right away because it just so happens they've already been approved by the US Food and Drug Administration [the

federal body for regulating medicines] for completely different reasons."

Meanwhile, another Russian multimillionaire, Timur Artemyev, sold his mobile-phone empire in 2008 to concentrate solely on the anti-ageing industry. "Life is like a game in which the goal is extended play," he explains. He contacted Nudler and persuaded him to set up a parallel lab in New York. "I'm in it for both charitable and personal reasons," says Artemyev, who believes that children born now will live for between 150 and 180 years. "I'd love my parents to be 18 again so that they could do the things they like." "

Bespoke skincare for a changing you.

Surprisingly, only 7.5% of women aged 50+ buy the right skincare for their age*

your skincare is an important part of your routine, but with busy lives, it's easy to forget that your skin's needs have changed between your 40s and 50s.

Hormonal changes through menopause mean that:

•Skin is likely to be drier, duller, weaker and can begin to sag around the jaw line

•Wrinkles are more pronounced

• Brown age spots appear

Embracing these changes positively:

During this period of change, take time to choose skincare with products that are specifically designed for your changing skin.

Age Perfect Your Skin

Age Perfect from L'Oreal Paris is a range enriched with soya bean extract and helps combat 5 signs of ageing, for hydrated, firmer-feeling, supple skin.

* Source: Kantar Worldpanel, FY 2009

Beauty Tips for You

•Skin gets drier as you age. Opt for slightly richer skincare formulas than you did in your 30s and 40s.

•Heavy use of foundation can accentuate lines. Try lighter foundations or a tinted moisturiser such as Age Re-Perfect Radiance Restoring Day Cream.

• Prevent your lipstick from "bleeding" into the tiny lines which can ruin your glamorous look by using a lipliner like L'Oreal Paris Contour Parfait before applying your lipstick.

• For further beauty tips and monthly newsletters, register your details at: www.lorealbeautyconfidential.co.uk

Intensive Reinforcing Serum hydrates and helps fight dullness to give your skin a radiant look.

2. Reinforcing Rehydrating Day Cream helps fight the effects of sagging skin by leaving skin feeling firmer. It helps protect against the appearance of age spots.

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4. Reinforcing Eye Cream leaves a fresh sensation on application and hydrates for a comfortable-feeling eye contour.

Because you're worth it

HAVEYOUGOT TOTHEROOTOF BAD BREATH?

Plaque is a major cause of bad breath and gum disease. Corsodyl Daily Defence mouthwash contains fluoride plus chiorhexidine, an antibacterial ingredient that actively helps reduce plaque. With over 30 years of gum care expertise, Corsodyl knows healthy gums are at the root of healthy teeth.

Nudler has succeeded in developing a protein-based procedure for Artemyev that prevents toxicity in mice's nerve cells and so, he claims, cures the symptoms of Alzheimer's. "It doesn't matter at what stage you introduce the protein, it will always slow down or halt the progression of the disease," he says. He hopes to publish his findings in the next few months and begin clinical human trials soon after. "If the results are similar to those in mice it will be very exciting."

Alzheimer's affects more than 400,000 people in the UK and four million in the US—a figure expected to rise to 16 million by 2050, costing the American economy $1 trillion a year. Developing a cure would be a piece of medical history that could have governments in financial thrall to its creator.

Nudler's sky-high ambition is almost matched by that of Professor Vladimir Skulachev, who hopes to cure 27 agerelated diseases, particularly those causing blindness, such as cataracts and glaucoma. The 75-year-old is famous for discovering the SKQ1 molecule in the 1960s, a powerful version of the enzyme Q10 now used in anti-wrinkle creams. Recently, he was given £12 million by aluminium baron Oleg Deripaska for a network of laboratories under the control of Moscow State University.

His 300-strong team of researchers have developed SKQ1 drops that have prevented and reversed loss of vision in horses, dogs, cats and even a bear. Indeed, Skulachev cured a cataract in his own eye with the compound.

Thanks to further funding by the government and by former energycompany boss Alexander Chikunov, Skulachev is now conducting clinical trials on humans that have, so far, been encouraging: "Humans are programmed to age and, though our compounds only partially inhibit this process, it's vital we keep on trying because most doctors simply observe ageing without interfering." He is also working on a secret recipe that uses ionised water charged with the SKQ1 molecule to prolong a good quality of life up to the age of 120.

The quest for an elixir of youth has been a Russian dream for centuries, With "apples of youth" and silly tsars jumping into boiling water to regain their looks featuring heavily in fairy tales.

Even in Soviet days when the average age of the Politburo was well over 70 (in a country where male life expectancy is still only 57), it was rumoured that a magical Kremlin compound had been developed to keep them alive.

Oligarchs are a much younger breed— average age 40—with time on their side. They hope an anti-ageing cure could cease to be the stuff of fairy tales well within their lifetimes.

"Russian scientists have always been pioneering and we still are," says Skulachev. "People in the West think that nothing good comes from Russia now, so I am proud that we are pioneering this very important work."

Would you like to live to be 18o? Email readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk.

Who says having a disability means you can't follow your dreams?

AIDLed

GENIE COSMAS, 50, DEVELOPED MS AGED 24. She teaches jazz and classical piano and runs Stream Records, a label for musicians with disabilities.

t took five or sixyears before my MS was diagnosed, and I was quite relieved in the end. It was like having a golf ball in the back of my head. I thought I was going insane! MS changes people in different ways. It affects mybalance and my speech. I don't use a wheelchair, but it's obvious that something's wrong with me.

"The doctors said things like, Vell,you're goingto have to learn to live with this.' It's not easy, but music helped—I started to write songs to express what I was feeling. I came across a disability magazine that was advertising for musicians and put together a band called Fish Out of Water. We got loads of gigs, became involved with Disability Arts, and I got some funding. It was great. And I was a working musician!

"But the mainstream music industry doesn't want to know

about disabled musicians. That's why I started the label-1 wanted to get their music out there.

"Some people suggested that I should register as a charity, but why does disability always have to be about 'charity'? I want to engage with the world on its

own terms. I don't want it to do me any favours.

"Stream Records is now 20years old. Operating on the musical fringes hasn't been easy, but I found inspiration in people like Robert Wyatt—who worked on my last album —and Ian Dury. Sadly,

JO MILLER, 48, WAS !21ECASTERED BLIND IN 1992

She's now head chef at the Action for Blind People's Concept Conference Centre in Birmingham. She spoke to us on behalf of RNIB and Action for Blind People.

iI started losing my sight when I was nine; it was macular dystrophy, but nobody believed I couldn't see properly. My grandmother had recently gone blind and everyone

disabled musicians don't break into the mainstream very often. But you can't give up. You have to make the world take notice!"

■ See streamrecords.co.uk for details of the label's new compilation CD Fish Out Of Water—Music 4 TV, Radio & Film.

thought I was just attention seeking.

"The next threeyears were hell! Since nobody thought I was telling the truth, I pretended nothing was wrong. At school, friends read out things on the blackboard, but one day we got sent out for talking. When we were taken to the head, it all came out. My parents were called and my mum burst into tears. She felt so bad about not believing me.

"I got into catering college because I was a good cook. I knew it would be hard, but I was very determined.

"I've done quite a few catering jobs over theyears. I might need help preparingthe vegetables or making sure the oven's on gas mark 6, but I can cook some damn good food. I've cooked onThis Morning and for the guys onWorking Lunch. I even ran my own company in the Eighties!

"Even so, as soon as people knowyou're registered blind, you're in danger of being dismissed—but only four per cent of people registered blind are 'totally' blind. The others have some sight, and a lot of them are very capable. In my kitchen, we've got two chefs and two trainees who are registered blind and one partially sighted porter. We produce some amazing food!"

LUCY SHUKER, 30, CAME OFF HER MOTORBIKE IN 2001. Paralysed from the waist down, she has since become Britain's number one Ladies' Wheelchair Tennis Player. She has won the national singles and doubles titles and is the world number 12.

'As soon as I finished uni, I got a job and spent my first pay packet on getting my motorbike licence. I bought a Kawasaki ZXR400. Twelve days later I was riding down a country road and, well, here we are. I've still got full use of my arms, but I'm a T4 paraplegic—which is quite a high level of disability.

"I was in hospital for almost a year. When I came out I met Pete Norfolk, the country's number one quadriplegic tennis player. I didn't even know there was such a thing as wheelchair tennis. Pete persuaded me to have ago and I enjoyed it.

"I had lots of bad days but, little by little, tennis became the biggest thing in my life. Now, I can't imagine not playing it. It's given me so many things: playing at Wimbledon, going to

the Paralympics...lf I could turn back time, would I change things? Honestly, I'm not sure I would.

"Unfortunately, people don't find it easy to accept ayoung girl in a wheelchair. People come up to me—but then start talking to my friends. They'll say, 'Isn't it terrible! What happened to her?' When I tell people that I drive everywhere, they look horrified; people have such limited ideas of what disablity means. Nobody thinks it's strange to have a gay person in the office. Maybe everyone will

eventually get used to seeing disabled people working in restaurants and playing tennis—just doing ordinary things."

STEVE NOONAN, 37, WAS KNOCKED OFF HIS MOTORBIKE

IN 1996. He was eventually diagnosed with an acquired brain injury. He now runs a multimedia business, Cam Media in Londonderry.

iMine was a pretty bad motorcycle accident. A guy pulled across me and I went straight into the windscreen. I was wearing a helmet, but the strap broke and my skull was split open from my right eye to my right ear. From the outside, you wouldn't know anything's wrong. Did I think of myself as disabled when I came out of hospital? No! I wasn't in a wheelchair, no limbs were missing...

"It was only when I got back into my routine that I realised things had changed. My balance had gone. I couldn't remember things. I'd turn on gas taps without lighting them. I had tinnitus and nosebleeds.

"They might seem like little things, but they affected my independence. I had to be assessed: was I safe to be on my own?

"The real problem was that the authorities weren't prepared for my situation. I wasn't obviously disabled, but there was definitely something wrong. An acquired brain injury is a bit like a sore back: you can't always work out what's

causing it or what problemsyou'll face. I was 26, but all the doctors could suggest for me was the day centre. 'Let's stick you in there, Steve. You'll be no danger to yourself.'

"They also suggested art therapy. I've never been artistic, but I got myself a blob of Blu-Tack and suddenly realised I could make models—and not just any old models. I was making these incredibly detailed figures. Apparently, this can happen with a brain injury—you acquire

new skills. The dormant, arty side of my brain had taken over. At last, I'd found something I could do.

"Now I run my own business; it's tough, but I make a living. One of the hardest things is the reaction I get when I say what happened to me. It's like mental health; there's a stigma attached. People worry about givingyou responsibility: 'He might fly off the handle.' But disabled people want challenges, just like anyone else. We're all good for something."

ANDREW KOMOSA, 48, IS DIABETIC AND LOST HIS SIGHT TO THE DISEASE AT 25. He's now a prosecuting solicitor and, in his spare time, navigates a race-winning rally car.

was at teacher training college when I went blind. People actually said to me, 'Well, there's no point in you staying on at college, is there? You won't be able to teach!'

"Luckily, I didn't listen to them. I took ■

a few months off and learned how to read Braille and walk with a stick. Then I went back to college—even though some lecturers told me I was wasting their time. Hardly anyone was supportive. But that made me try even harder. Like mostyoung people, I'd been cruising through life, but going blind made me determined.

"Eventually, I qualified as a solicitor. I sent off about 500 job applications and got nowhere. I went to one job fair where I met a couple of partners from a law firm. They said: `Sorry old chap, but we've got stairs in the office. How willyou manage?'

"Most blind people who are of work age are unemployed. After I went blind, my GP actually asked: 'Why doyou want to work? Can'tyou get benefit?' Why do I want to work? What kind of question is that? Because I want to do something with my life, that's why!

"It was the same with rally cars. People said, 'You're blind. You can't do that.' But I'd driven rally cars before, and I suppose my determination made me want to carry on doing it. Obviously, I can't drive any more, but I knew I could navigate. I make my own tactile maps and feel my way around the course. I then shout the instructions to my driver through the intercom—just like any other navigator. We do OK, too. Lastyear, we came second at a race in Surrey.

"It took me seven years to convince the RAC Motor Sport Association that I was capable of navigating, but I did it. Their main concern was if I'd be able to get out of a crashed car in the dark. Frankly, I can get out of a car in the dark better than most sighted people. It's the same with water skiing. I'm a better water skier now than when I could see!"

BENJAMIN COHEN, 27,

WAS

DIAGNOSED

WITH MS AT 15. He had his first MS attack at 23. He is the Channel 4 News technology correspondent. ecause MS is one of those slightly hidden disabilities, the rest of the world doesn't realise just how much your life has changed. A lot of my colleagues at work don't even know about my MS unless I tell them.

"It's also a disease that's very hard to keep on top of. You don't just get one problem—you get myriad problems, and they change every six weeks. When I first started work at ITN [which makesChannel4 News], I had real problems with my fingers, so they bought me a giant-size keyboard. But the problems with my fingers went away and I suddenly found I had no energy. That goes away and then I have problems with my eyesight.

"I had trouble with my hands when I started at ITN; I couldn't control them.

One person did complain, sayingthat when I was on TV, he couldn't hear a word I was saying because he was distracted by my hands. The

thing is, I can kind of see his point. Unless people know I've got MS, they just think I'm waving my hands about. If you're in a wheelchair, people know what to expect. But what doyou do with MS? Walk around with a sign on your head?!

"Channel 4 and ITN have been very supportive. Like me, they work around my MS. Having said that, I do tryto be pragmatic about what MS means to a career in news. This is a high-pressure job. News breaks at awkward times in awkward places. Could I be a war correspondent? Probably not. Does that p**s me off? Yes. It would be great if the media world was filled with disabled people, but life's not like that. These are the cards you're dealt and you get on with it.

"When you have MS, it's easy to become institutionalised. You climb into bed, convinced you can't do anything and, five years later, you realise you haven't done anything. But I have MS and yet I'm doing a job I love...I'm on TV! It hasn't been easy— other bits of my life have suffered—but it hasn't stopped me from doing what I want to do."

DAVE LUPTON, 62, WAS 1NVULVEU ii A CAR ACCIDENT

SOME 15 YEARS AGO, which resulted in him using a wheelchair. He put pen to paper and emerged as the successful disabled cartoonist, Crippen. ven before my accident, I was involved with several disabled organisations, so I had an insight into that world. But it wasn't until I was in a wheelchair that I appreciated the frustrations of everyday life.

"That's why I started drawing cartoons. I've always enjoyed drawing, but once I was in a wheelchair it seemed like an obvious subject: a way of expressing my own frustrations and of letting the world know

DAVID BONNETT, 63, CONTRACTED POLIO AS A BABY.

After training as an architect, David set up his own awardwinning practice. He has worked on many prestige projects, including London's Royal Festival Halt.

what disabled people go through. I've also worked with organisations like The Guardian and Channel 4.

"The real problem is the way the world views disabled people. There's the medical model—disabled people have something 'wrong' with them. The charity model—they need support. But there's also the social model— disabled people aren't the problem; society is, because it prevents them from reaching their full potential.

"Look at the way disabled people are portrayed in films and books: villainous or pathetic. Lots of disabled people I know lead ordinary lives—why aren't they on TV?

"Not everybody likes what I do. I take the mickey out of my situation; I have a dig at the big disabled charities—they're organised 'for' disabled people, butyou don't see many disabled people working for them.

"How do we make things better? Disabled people need a level playing field. This is 2010. Isn't it time things changed?"

`The NHS was all still pretty new when I got polio and they didn't really know how to deal with it. I was taken away from home and put somewhere 'special'. It was actually called a school for crippled children, and you were sent there to learn a craft like basketwork or tailoring. There was no talk there

of doing exams or going to university.

"My lucky break came when a new building was going up at the school. We had a competition to help design it, and I won. From that moment I had an objective in life.

"I did 0 levels, went to university, got the qualifications, and became an architect. I was still pretty much in denial about

Stair-free access on London's South Bank,

by David Bonnett Associates

being disabled when I started my career. I'd never used a wheelchair, I had a car. I simply expected— maybe pretended—that I was just the same as everyone else.

"It was only when I started working for Islington Council that things really began to fit into place. There was a lot of work being done on social housing projects, and it often included designing homes for disabled people. That was the moment when I made the link between the mainstream world and the

disabled world. I realised I was in a unique position—I understood architecture, but I also understood what it meant to be disabled.

"Obviously, I needed help. It wasn't always easy for me to go on site, climb up ladders and all the rest of it. But that's where teamwork comes in; I issue instructions to people I work with, and they give me the information I need.

"Teamwork is something I learned very early on. One

of my best friends at school had really good legs, but his arms were no good. My arms were fine, but my legs weren't. Together we made a great team, and we often won the go-kart race—I'd steer and he'd push.

"Of course, if I'd wanted to, I could have retreated into my disabled world. Some people do that, but I didn't want to. I wanted to bring the two worlds together. That way, I think both worlds benefit and you flourish as a person."

All stories as told to Danny Scott

This map has married hundreds of women...

Willie Daly and his "love Ledger", as passed down through generations of matchmakers

HENRY STEADMAN/ ALAMY

...and, says Nick Ryan, he intends to keep on marrying them. But Willie Daly is not the groom or even the vicar

IIf you head to Lisdoonvarna this month, a small town (population 822) tucked into a far-away corner of County Clare in the west of Ireland, prepare to join a rather long queue outside The Matchmaker Bar. For there, hiding inside a tiny office, behind his silver hair and the beard he's had since he was a young man, is 68-year-old Willie Daly, a genial horse breeder, farmer, pub-owner—and the last of Ireland's matchmakers. His autobiography, The Last Matchmaker, was recently featured on Radio 4's Book of the Week.

The crowds descend every September for the town's annual Matchmaking Festival, a month-long carnival of traditional song and dance (running this year from September 3 to October 4) when up to 40,000 singles from across the world come looking for love. Americans, Canadians, Brits, Dubliners and, more recently, women from as far afield as Thailand and the Philippines have been turning up trying to find partners, in what seems like a curious revival of an ancient custom. And it is to Willie Daly that they turn.

Nicknamed "the Horse Whisperer of romance" by one journalist, Daly says, "It's been a bit mad at times, oh it has." He is constantly accosted by friends and strangers alike with calls of "Willie, Willie, will you get me a wife tonight!"

To some he'll nod and grin, knowing this is just part of the "craic" that the festival atmosphere (and the Guinness) encourages; to others, he'll patiently listen, taking them to one

side in the quieter hotel next door, where they can select their ideal "match" from the thousands of names written inside Willie's ancient matchmaking tomes.

Daly hails from a family of matchmakers: his father Henry and grandfather William before that, were both renowned for their skills. Neither of them did it for financial reward—maybe a pint or some turf for burning might be sent their way. But each in their own way had, as Daly puts it, "a feel for things", an intuition, patience and interest in helping others around them. Both also saw it as their calling to help their fellow farmers find a mate. It was no laughing matter—entire generations depended on the Dalys.

"I saw many of my neighbours— good, fine people—dying off, alone, and their farmhouses and way of life going to ruin," Daly says. "There was no one for them. Without a real knowledge of what I was doing, I started introducing people to one another.

"Recently, we had two blokes from an Australian TV crew here, looking for girls for a programme they were making. They were good-looking blokes, six foot four or so, and in their twenties. They propped up seven photographs of women and asked me to pick their girlfriends from the pile: I got them both right. They were awfully surprised!

but I didn't know the rest. They said, `Come on Willie, tell us who's with who!' I'd had a few drinks and so I tried my luck. Turns out I only got two or three of them wrong. Later, one of the women said to me: 'Willie, if only I'd picked the man you chose for me I'd be a lot happier now...' "

ETI he west of Ireland hereabouts is traditional matchmaking country. The younger generation have by and large departed for the cities. The farmers left behind, living alone with their parents, rarely have a chance to meet a partner.

In days gone by, the bachelor farmers would have relied on the services of an uncle, brother-in-law or some other male relative to arrange a marriage with a local girl. However, farmers who were dependent on the death of their parents for the inheritance of a small farm were often unable

"I saw many of my neighbours—good, fine people—dying off, alone"

"Another time, we had a group of about 20 people or so come into the pub I own in Ennistymon, in County Clare. I knew one or two quite well,

to marry young. This gave rise to the old adage: "Protestants marry early for love, Catholics marry late for land." In addition, many smallholdings were too isolated for the men and women to meet members of the opposite sex. A matchmaker would have to be called in.

"He would have had a charm for the job," says Daly, pronouncing "charm" as "chairm" in his soft-spoken County

Clare accent. "Like you'd have someone with a charm for working tin and another with a charm for curing ringworm or sick cows."

Armed with his knowledge, the matchmaker would then suggest a match between the daughter of one family and the son of another. Negotiations would take place to settle the size of the dowry, whether one set of parents or a brother or sister would live with the newlyweds, the amount of land thrown into the deal and so on, during a process Daly refers to as "the plucking of the gander". Eventually everyone would come together and

celebrate inside the parents' house, the happy couple often only meeting for the first time then.

atchmaking is—and was in the past—a mateoriented business, and it would not have been uncommon for a match to be made between a 60- or 70-year-old man and a girl in her late teens. One of the locals once on Daly's books was 72, and said he hadn't slept with a woman since he was 12! Even today, some rural men can grow

I wanna dance with somebody: Willie Daly's matchmaking festival in action

up without the social skills necessary to court a 21st-century partner. Daly once tried to help a neighbouring farmer, a man in his seventies who was still living with his 96-year-old mother. A potential match appeared to be going well until the neighbour came up to him one day with a sour look on his face. Daly asked him what was wrong. "Willie," the man replied, "she's grand, but me mother doesn't approve." The match ended there and then.

As Willie Daly prepares for another matchmaking festival, he still carries the heavy matchmaking journal his

father and grandfather used, a thick ledger of ruled paper that has survived all weathers and the passing of the years to record each successful match. He also travels the world as "The Last Matchmaker", appearing at Irish bars in New York or Memphis.

But times are changing for Ireland, and for Daly too. His eight children (and 13 grandchildren) had to get used to their parents separating at the end of the 1990s—"Marie [his wife] is with some nice fella from Dublin now"—something of an irony given their father's calling. Yet one of his daughters, Claire, has set up her own

online matchmaking business (although Daly himself has mixed views on computer dating, claiming it can be impersonal). Marie, another daughter, has helped him run Love Trail pony treks for singles seeking romance as they trek over the nearby Burren (a vast moonscape of rugged limestone). His son Henry has even organised speeddating events, "which were hilarious", laughs Daly.

"And yet," he says, "somewhat to my surprise—and my great pleasure—I've found a revival of interest in traditional matchmaking. Here I am, in the 21st century, as busy as I've ever been. Every day new requests for help and advice find their way to me. My phone never stops ringing, and with the arrival of email and the internet people can contact me at any hour of the day."

He laughs for a moment. "I get very nice, respectful ladies coming over from Thailand and the Philippines now, looking for a good husband. They prefer a more subdued person, and some of the local older men, who have lost a bit of steam they had in their younger days, are just right.

"We had a group of a dozen women come to Lisdoonvarna from America to find partners. They had a journalist with them, writing for the papers, and she asked me to go out with them in the evening. I met this writer at 7.30pm and we were chatting away, then she said to me: Now Willie, the group are quite disappointed that they haven't met anyone yet.' Well, I told her, I was there every night and where were they? 'They've eaten

their dinner and gone to bed,' she replied. I laughed. 'You do realise,' I told her, 'that any Irish man doesn't even have a notion of an emotion until after twelve o'clock at night when he's drunk 20 pints of Guinness? I must admit though, the Guinness makes a marvellous ambassador.' "

0aly says the current revival in matchmakingis like the revival in traditional Irish music: "The melodies and rhythms have rooted themselves deep in the modern landscape and, with a little care and new interest, they have flourished again."

If anything, he claims, it is the mad rush of modern life that is propelling many women in particular to seek out his services at Lisdoonvarna, and on the Love Trail riding holidays.

"I think the sense of reassurance and the feeling of old values is a great part of matchmaking. It's about seeing them go, 'Jesus! That's the person I should spend the rest of my life with.'

For single people the dating game is a confusing little arena these days. One girl said to me not long ago, 'Willie, it's very hard to meet a nice person. If I go out to a dance now'—she was about 35, I guess-1 want to dress up good and respectable to create a reasonable impression. But at the dances I go to there's usually a substantial amount of separated women. They swan in with their tops down low and their skirts up high and the fellas are enticed by that. It seems

like these women have learned twice as much as they did first time round, and on top of that they carry a certain spirit of vengeance, too. It's very hard to compete.'

"It's tough for them," says Daly. "You would not believe the amount of gorgeous women who get in touch with me, who would dearly love to meet somebody nice enough. When they do find that little bit of love, it's a great feeling for them. All that is there for

ONFESSIONS OF A FOOTBALLER

the taking in traditional matchmaking. "I don't think I'm going to retire any time soon; time will tell if I'm the last of the Daly matchmakers. God willing, I won't need to find out for a good long while yet."

>> Willie Daly, thelastmatchmaker.com; Lisdoonvarna Festival, matchmaker ireland.com.

>> See also: How to find love when you're single on p117.

Ever been in a strange country with no grasp of the language or customs? Ex-England striker Darius Vassell knows the feeling. When he moved to Turkey to play for the lowly Ankaragiicii team, his bemused blog "Vassell's World" was a tonic for all expats:

tt Today is a special day: Bayram. Apparently if someoneyounger than me kisses my hand, I must give them money and candy. Could be an interesting day because I'm the oldest in the team.

I wonder if I could ever fully learn this language? My favourite sentence is "Bier cay lutfen?" ("One tea, please"), but there's only so much Turkish tea I can drink before the novelty wears off.

I watched a goat get sacrificed at training camp a few months back; it was the moment I realised that I'm an animal lover. I know this is done at Eid, but what else am I likely to encounter?

As I tie myyellow and blue Ankaragiicii scarf around my neck, I realise it's too tight a fit. Is this a metaphor or am I just beingtoo cynical?

I went to the cashpoint and was greeted with a Turkish wall of commands and instructions! I couldn't find a button for INGLISSE (or something like that?) I tapped away at the machine like a crazed hacker.

Got the news that my fiancée had lost the diamond out of her ring. I had two options: either sympathise as to how bad she'd feel for losing it, or question her in disbelief while stressing about the potential monetary loss. Luckily she found it before I had a chance to choose.

Is Archers star Tamsin Greig really a cityslicker at heart?

Tales of Tamsin

BY DAVID GRITTEN

Actress Tamsin Greig is an attractive 44-year-old with a long, expressive face, dark eyes, a direct gaze, a broad, vivacious smile and black hair swept to one side in a stylish, almost boyish cut. It's worth mentioning this straight away, because though her broad, diverse fan base includes viewers of the quirky TV comedies Green Wing, Love Soup and Black Books, its largest constituency comprises the five million or so radio listeners who tune in regularly to The Archers, in which she plays Debbie Aldridge. And many of them have no idea what "Debbie" looks like.

"They imagine she's a blonde with a big bottom, apparently," says Greig wryly. They may be wrong on those counts, but what's beyond doubt is that headstrong Debbie, forever at loggerheads

with Brian Aldridge, her serial-adulterer stepfather, is a countrywoman—a serious farmer, well acquainted with modern agri-business, and now managing a rural estate in Hungary.

So it's no surprise that Greig's role in new film Tamara Drewe—easily her meatiest big-screen role to date—is also that of a countrywoman, though of a different sort. Beth Hardiment is the mousy, kindly, hardworking wife of Nicholas (Roger Allam), another philanderer, who writes best-selling thrillers. She selflessly manages his diary, runs a writers' retreat on their gorgeous country estate and cooks brilliantly.

The film, a romantic romp directed by Stephen Frears(The Queen), is based on Posy Simmonds' popular graphic novel—which in turn was inspired by Thomas Hardy's somewhat bleaker Far From the Madding Crowd. It ran as a weekly comic strip in The Guardian.

The story is kick-started by the return of aspiring journalist Tamara (Gemma Arterton) to the village where she grew up as a plain child with a big nose. Now she's curvy, gorgeous and the beneficiary of a nose job; and she leaves the village menfolk, including the ghastly Nicholas, utterly smitten.

Greig's role as the long-suffering Beth seems a thankless one—until, that is, she learns of her husband's skirtchasing and starts to assert herself spectacularly. Her portrayal of Beth offers few clues to her real appearance for those who know her only from The Archers: her hair is drab, longer, and lacking in style—typical of a woman who forgets to look after herself.

"Not my hair and not my hips!" Greig says merrily. "People on set told me they hadn't realised that wasn't my hair. As an actress I was delighted, but mortified at the same time. As for my hips, I needed to be bigger. Beth had to be pear-shaped, because everyone was working from Posy's drawings.

"So I had the most beautiful 'fat suit' fitted for me. We started shooting last September and finished in November, so we could convey three seasons on the screen. In that six-week window, you experience almost the whole of nature. The suit was pretty hot in September, but by the end of the shoot it was just nice and warm."

The passing of the seasons is as important in Tamara Drewe as its setting —faithful to Hardy's original story, deep in the Dorset countryside. Frears captures the picture-postcard beauty of a village like Yetminster (where much of the film was shot) and the lush, gently undulating landscapes surrounding it.

Greig was overwhelmed by the beauty of rural Dorset: "When I saw it first of all, it looked like an English Avatar. You think: 'I have to go there. It's a Utopia.'

I can't believe the extraordinary beauty that's around us, if only you look with good eyes."

Spoken like the true countrywoman many might assume Greig to be. In fact, she could hardly be more metropolitan; she's north-west London through and through. Born in Camden (her father was Scottish and her mother Jewish), she grew up in nearby Kilburn, and now ►

Tamsin obviously appreciates her surroundings, so which does she prefer: country or city?

COUNTRY

♦ "It was wonderful for 1 someone who lives in the city to spend time in the country. You get this sense attack; the seasons smell there. I love the waythe country smells after rain. In the wide open spaces, I even like the smell of manure!" ,

Drewe was such an enjoyable shoot—and part of the joy was doing it in the country. We were put up in a beautiful countryvillage hotel and driven around that gorgeous Dorset countryside."

♦"I went to see a friend in Plymouth while I was in Dorset. I drove west at dusk. That was a wonderful journey, with all the smells, that sense of freedom, the sun going down in front of you."

— Though Tamara Drewe is mostly comic, it hints at the countryside's problems in the characters of two mischievous teenage girls. "They think it's boring," says Greig. "There's nothing for them to do. And of course, in rural areas there's a lot of unemployment and poverty. Which is the contradiction, isn't it? It looks

beautiful, but there's abject horror going on."

— "A real drawback to the country is thatyou almost have to have a car there."

CITY

♦ "I like the connectedness of London's public transport. It's friendly—it's about relating to other people. I love the Tube, though it can be a bit intense. Even when it's crowded,you can read. You sometimes even see people you know!"

+ "I love the school run with my children in the back saying, 'I smell toast!' or 'I smell buns!' when we pass a bakery. Those smells become part of their experience. In London, I love the smell of tarmac after rain on a hot day. And the smell of jasmine in the evening."

♦ "I absolutely love London at around five in the morning.

I came home from a night shift on Tamara Drewe around 5.3oam when the sun was coming up, and I was driving across London. I love the unexpectedness of seeing people on the street at that time. What are they doing? What are their stories?"

♦ "When I first met my husband, he walked a lot, so he looks with really good eyes. He taught me to look at things as I walk around London. One thing we enjoy doing is walking along London canals. You see a sort of undiscovered city that way. And you pass people and smile at each other, as though we're in on this conspiracy of discovering something no one else knows about..."

— "On days I go to work in London, the thing I have to remember to do at the end of the day is blow my nose—to get rid of the grime thatyou get on the Tube."

>> Looks as though Tamsin's coming down on the side of the city. But what about you? Country or city?

Let us know at theeditor@ readersdigest.co.uk.

♦"Tamara

lives only a couple of miles away with her husband, actor Richard Leaf, and their three children.

Many Archers fans somehow assume that the radio serial literally comes from the countryside. Greig, who has played Debbie Aldridge for 18 years now, quashes that assumption: "We've always recorded in Birmingham—first at Pebble Mill, and now at the BBC's Mailbox studios, right in the heart of the city.

"But I understand why people think that. What's brilliant about The Archers is all its Foley artists [the creators of natural everyday sound effects]. When you're recording, the soundscape makes you think you're in a rural world."

Greig recently eyed new landscapes in Los Angeles. She filmed Episodes, a new comedy series, starring Matt Le

Going wild in the country: Tamsin as Beth Hardiment (centre) giving the evil eye to Gemma Arterton (inset) as Tamara Drewe (in cinemas this month)

Blanc (Joey from Friends) and Stephen Mangan, her co-star from The Green Wing over there. She and Mangan play British scriptwriters hired to write a TV sitcom starring Le Blanc, who plays himself.

Tamsin hasn't been on The Archers for a while; Debbie's exile in Hungary is a plot device on the part of its producers that allows Greig to do other work, and make herself available again when she chooses.

So will Debbie be coming back to Ambridge any time soon? Greig smiles enigmatically. "Keep listening," she says. ■

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An exciting and inspiring journey through the world of classical music starts here ...

Based on the award-winning radio series, THE A-Z OF CLASSIC FM MUSIC is a stunning CD and book set that allows you to indulge in hour after hour of listening pleasure.

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4 CDs of evocative classics AND a

A READER'S STORY

I cheated death in Afghanistan

The chill wind blew the swirling snow into my face and the pain of the cold wracked my body. With every step my legs became heavier. I'd lost all sense of time or how far I'd walked. I was exhausted, but there was nowhere to rest. I must get back to Kabul, I muttered to myself.

I knew we were in trouble as soon as our vehicle broke down on the journey from Kabul. Afghanistan is a harsh landscape, as our troops today can attest—in winter, temperatures can drop to minus 25 degrees. It was madness to walk for help, but there was no other option. My companions were all suffering from various maladies and weren't up to it. In any case, as leader of the group, I felt I should take responsibility.

If it was thrills I wanted, my journey so far had provided it. I was in Afghanistan on a trip that had taken me across the world. It had been my

This is me walking through the barren Afghan snowfields

dwelling

An Afghan

in the desert

dream to achieve something unique; in this case, driving from London to Australia and back—people didn't do things like that in 1957. I'd set off with a group of fellow adventurers: ten men and five women. I'd planned the expedition for years, but nothing could have prepared me for what we encountered.

We'd driven across desert, trawled through swamps and negotiated the famous Ledo Road in Burma in both directions, all the while battling with dysentery, malaria and Guinea worm. Nearly 18 months later, almost

everyone had gone home; just three Australians were left.

But now, after surviving so much, here we were marooned in the Afghan wilderness.

As I prepared myself for the walk, I remembered a survival film about how a newspaper could be used in an emergency. I put on extra socks and underwear, then cut the papers we'd got in Kabul into strips and wrapped them round my arms and legs over my pyjamas. I pulled on my trousers, took a second jumper and wore my coat over the top. After a hot drink, I left my team to fend for themselves.

Setting off at a pace, I followed the wheel tracks left in the snow by our vehicle. But my exuberant start didn't last. Progress became slower and slower until the tracks were wiped out by the snowfall.

I told myself that I'd soon see the city lights, but nothing changed. The temperature was dropping fast. It was difficult to brush the snow from my face as beads of ice were tangled in my beard. I looked around —not a single tree, no sign of life except the distant cry of a wolf. In some strange way, it gave me comfort to know I wasn't entirely alone.

It was only sheer doggedness that drove one leg past another, leaving a furrow in my wake. I tried to keep calm, but I felt helpless. What would happen if I couldn't reach Kabul?

I came to a signpost. It had fingers pointing in three directions, but

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I couldn't read any of them because they were covered by snow. I tried to jump up to swipe it off, but my feet hardly left the ground. With the post at my back, I rested, exhausted and frustrated. I knew if I fell asleep, it would surely be the end.

Suddenly, I glimpsed a flicker of light. Was it a cruel trick? It became brighter and brighter...the headlights of a car! I felt a surge of hope. The noise of its engine grew louder as it struggled through the snow. It was an old, beat-up Mercedes—but to me it was a chariot from heaven.

I stepped in front of the car with my arm raised. Three men were inside with blankets wrapped round them and scarves covering their ears and heads. I repeated the word, over and over, "Kabul, Kabul, Kabul..."

There were guns on the seat next to the passenger in the back. He pushed them aside to make room. The men didn't speak during the journey, which was no more than five or six miles. I said, "Mr Baldwin, Englishman," a couple of times. The driver nodded.

Peter Baldwin was a Land Rover agent who'd done repairs on our vehicle. As we reached the outskirts of Kabul, I saw that we were close to his home. The driver stopped and, with difficulty I shook hands with all three men, each of whom bowed.

My clothes were as stiff as boards as I struggled the last few hundred yards. Peter was shocked to see the state I was in. He ushered me inside —I'll never forget the log fire that

greeted me. His servant helped to remove my clothes and a blanket was placed round my shoulders. It was a while before I began to feel my limbs again. After hot soup and stew, it was suggested I stay the night and return to my vehicle in the morning. But I needed to get back to my friends.

As soon as my clothes were dry, arrangements were made. A new dynamo was prepared, for which Peter refused payment. It was the early hours of the morning when I left with one of Peter's mechanics and still wearing Peter's socks.

We arrived at the spot where the vehicle and trailer stood, covered in snow. There was no movement. In

the headlights, I apprehensively lifted the canvas at the back and found my team snuggled up in their sleeping bags, dozing peacefully. None of them had heard our arrival.

The mechanic fixed the dynamo, then gave us a jump start. Our battery had been almost fiat. I left the engine running to charge it and let the heater warm the inside of the cab.

"Did you have any problems?" one of my team asked with a yawn.

"No, no problems," I replied.

As told to Tom Browne

• Tell us a personal story of your own: touching, inspiring or about an exceptional event in your life. It could earn you £100. See page 6 for details.

1,001 things... is compiled and written by

Linda Gray

WELCOME TO THE PAGES THAT HELP MAKE LIFE SIMPLER, EASIER AND, WE HOPE, MORE FUN! STARTING HERE WITH...

1,001 things everyone should know...

HOW TO ...be on time

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? YOU MAY WONDER. You just work out how longyour journey will take, calculateyour leavingtime accordingly and go. But that's not true of lateness junkies, who thrive on the adrenalin rush of never quite knowing if they'll get to the departure gate before it shuts. Despite profuse apologies and the risk of annoying their friends, doctor and boss, they never show up on time.

It's nothing to do with your body clock, says psychotherapist Andrea Perry, whose book Isn't it About Time? (03.99) reveals some uncomfortable home truths about the chronically late. It's a (very bad) habit. Despite her profession, Perry doesn't think it

helps to find the cause. No one cares if you were brought up with a laid-back approach to life, or have too much to do, or crave attention. They only care that you're late. Again. "The real issue is respect," says Perry. "After all, you wouldn't be late for the Queen." Here's her advice for coming first, not last:

• For a week, make a note of when you're late,how late you were, whoyou kept waiting—and who you met on time. It's the ultimate guilt trip.

• Imagine you're the one who's waiting.How doyou feel? Worried about the missing person, concerned that it's the wrong day, upset that they don't care? Whatever it is, it's not nice.

• Stop apologising.Instead say, "I'm late because I prioritised other things." Of course you're not going to say that, so think it through. Is cutting the grass really more important than picking up your mum?

• Test your sense of time by guessing when a minute is up, then two, then five. It also makes you do nothing for a moment, says Perry, and stops you trying to fill every second.

• Use visualisation."It's not just about banishing a behaviour—you need a positive dream," says Perry. See yourself arriving calm, relaxed and with time to spare. When it does happen, reward yourself if you need to. Peace of mind may be enough.

HOW TO ...understand Blu-ray

BLU-RAY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BLUETOOTH, WHICH IS A SORT

OF WI-Fl.Blu-ray is what you need to play DVDs in HD (high definition). It gives you pictures that fans say are ten times better than those you get with a standard DVD—but you'll need special discs, a special player and an HDTV. And did I mention that to get HDTVyou need an HD box? Yes, another box. Just asyou've thrown outyour old Freeview receiver, in comes a new load of caboodle, price £300 and counting. Now it could be that you're a film buff who really 0>

HOW TO

11PM GO TO BED, lAM STILL AWAKE, 2.30am sleep fitfully, 4am wake up and stay that way until 6am.If that's a fair summary of your sleep pattern,you won't need a doctor to tell you thatyou have insomnia —but there's a cure. What you need is sleep restriction, says Professor Colin Espie of Glasgow University's Sleep Research Lab. Keep a sleep diary (find one on sleepadvice.co.uk), which compares the amount you sleep with the time you spend in bed. If you only sleep for five and a half hours a night (the minimum you should get) go to bed at midnight and get up at 5.30am. Onceyou sleep through for 90 per cent of the time, start going to bed 15 minutes earlier each day until you snooze for seven hours.

values seeing every pore ofJulia Roberts' skin. Even so, says Anthony Dhanendran ofComputeractive magazine, there's no point in HD unlessyou have a big flat-screen TV (32-inch plus). Your viewing habits are important, too. "A football match will look much the same, but with animation or a wildlife programme,you'll really notice a difference." And, be honest, areyour eyes HD-ready? Can you tell the difference between 1,080 lines of "vertical resolution" and 476? If not, just borrow your children's PS3 machine—which doubles as a Blu-ray player—whenever you want to watchLife on Earth.

HOW TO ...change your mood with food

HERE'S

THE

ULTIMATE MEAL DEAL:you

eat better soyou feel better, mentally as well as physically. A simple change of diet can improve panic attacks, depression, obsessivecompulsive disorder and even psychosis, says the mental health charity Mind.

Start by eliminating high-fat, high-sugar foods. Next, cut out stimulants such as coffee that can give you the jitters, and limit wheat and dairy in case of intolerance. Then try the "Mind Meal", consisting of wheat-free

pasta with pesto and oily fish, avocado, watercress (or mixed leaf salad), nuts and seeds, followed by fruit and oatcake pud, which contains apples, bananas, dried apricots, oatcakes and walnuts. It adds up to a plateful of:

• Positive proteins.

Amino acids, the building blocks of protein, must be supplied by food because the body can't make them. One of the most important is tryptophan, converted to serotonin in the brain. It's boosted by the fish, nuts and seeds, and avocado.

Mood-stabilising

carbs that release energy slowly and boost tryptophan uptake, in the pasta and oatcakes.

• Antidepressant fats, especially omega-3s, in the fish, nuts and seeds. They nourish the brain, which is 60 per cent fat.

• Optimism boosters, including vitamin C in the watercress, B6 and folic acid in the avocado and walnuts, and biotin and zinc in the pasta and oilyfish. Low levels of zinc have been linked to eating disorders and too few B vitamins can provoke symptoms of schizophrenia, says Mind. For full instructions, plus recipes for energy salad and crunchy hemp topping (a perfectly legal high), click on mind.org.uk.

THE NUMBER OF BOOMERS TAPPING PROFILES INTO INTERNET DATING SITES HAS SOARED.The divorce rate now peaks in the 40s and has increased by 50 per cent among over-60s, as couples from Dawn French and Lenny Henry to Al and Tipper Gore call time on their longterm marriages. That leaves a lot of mature singletons dipping a toe into the dating pond—and the easiest way to test the water is in the privacy of your home. After all,you may think, what harm can it do?

A lot, says relationship guru Andrew Marshall, author ofThe Single Trap (£7.99). "Online dating makes people feel miserable about themselves. The rules are different— it's acceptable to date several people at a E time and to ignore a request to meet, which you'd never do in real life."

2 What you really need after a break-up isn't a date but friends—in particular, 0 "bridging" friends. They're different from

"bonding" friends, the soulmates who share your secrets. They're acquaintances whose company you enjoy and who can introduce you to a whole new social circle. "There are only six degrees of separation between you and your new partner, and a bridging friend could be your first step to meeting The One," claims Marshall.

So shut down the computerand sign up for an activity that attracts a wide range of people. Walkinggroups and volunteering are obvious, but they attract all types, as does ballroom dancing, says Marshall. You'll see people in context and mix with those who aren't on the prowl. "One of my clients signed up for a charity bike ride," says Marshall. "She started talking to a man who took part and now they're a couple."

Why not give it atry? At worst you'll make more friends, at best meet the love of your life. And it's a more civilised way of finding out if you click than by using a mouse.

HOW TO ...get back in the

saddle

THEY SAY YOU NEVER FORGET HOW TO RIDE A BIKE, BUT IT COULD BE THAT YOU'VE NEVER REALLY LEARNED.If that's the case, leaping back in the saddle to improve your fitness could do quite the opposite, because adult cyclists are the only group of road users for whom accidents have gone up.

To improveyour skills, sign up for a training scheme (call 01483 520 758 to find an instructor). Make sure you're happy with your bike—if you're a Sunday cyclist, you might feel more at home with a sit-up-straight roadster than anything sporty. What's more, it'll have mudguards to keep you clean.

When you're in the saddle,you should be able to rest your heel on the pedal with your knee slightly bent, says CTC, the national cycling organisation. Practise in the park until you can look over your shoulder and indicate without wobbling. Cycle three feet away from the kerb to stop cars pushingyou into the gutter. If they try, report them to Stop Smidsy (Sorry Mate, I Didn't See

TifhYou) at stop-smidsy.org. uk. Make eye contact with drivers, signal clearly and stay behind or in front of trucks, not alongside —ten cyclists ayear are crushed by HGVs in London alone.

Don't let that putyou off. The number of cyclists has increased so the accident rate is stable, says CTC, which offers advice in its leaflet "Streets Ahead", free on ctc. org.uk. And if it all feels like too much effort, you can cruise up hills on an electric bike while the Lycra lads puff behind—if you're willing to pay £1,000 for the privilege, that is.

What your child's teacher won't tell you

>> I work a 55-hour week.

The children may only be there from 9am to 3.30pm but I work a ten-hour day. I need to set up before the bell rings, sort out displays in the lunch hour and spend three hours in marking and preparation after school. Sundays are when I work out lesson plans and there are reports, parents' evenings (ten ayear) and concerts. Yes, I do have long holidays. But that's when I catch up with my reading and the latest Department for Education initiatives.

>> There's a reason so many pupils get As.

Coursework gives pupils a second chance. I'm allowed to return it with comments before it's sent away to be marked and the advice I give can bump up the grade >> The pushiest parents are at private schools. If their child gets a B it's a disaster and they'll barge

into my classroom to tell me so. The pressure isn't just bad for me—it's bad for their kids.

>> Your child can have ten minutes of my time. I knowyour child is precious but I have 30 in my classroom and there are 300 minutes in the school day. You do the maths!

>> I'm treated like a schoolkid, too.I'm monitored by colleagues, who make sure I teach their subject properly, so there's often someone in the classroom checking up on me.

>> Robins are not blackbirds.It's easier to teach children of similar ability, so I often divide them into groups. It's streaming by any other name and you only have to look at who else is in the set to crack the code.

>> Every school has bullies.The only difference is if they admit it or not. Schools will happily show you their anti-bullying policy, but that's not the same as dealing with it— for that you need excellent pastoral care. Even then it's hard to spot, as bullying relies on secrecy and fear.

>> League tables should come with a warning. You need to look at several years' results because it's

the trend that counts. School size is important, too. I once taught at a village school where just three 11-year-olds were taking Sats. One had behaviour problems, another went off sick and the pass rate plummeted from 100 to 33 per cent.

>> Don't visit on open day,when the head is in sales mode and the kids you meet are handpicked. Arrange to visit on a school day and look into the classrooms they don't show you. Are the kids in the back row texting? That shows a truer picture of standards.

>> Late toilet training is a nightmare.All threeyear-olds are entitled to a nursery school place but some are still in nappies. I can't refuse to admit them until they're dry, but I'm not a nanny! Of course small children have accidents and I can cope with that. But potty training's not part of the curriculum.

>> I never know what Ofsted wants.Like most teachers, I dread the three-yearly inspections. I have to justify everything

I do in the classroom and there's always something that's wrong. One year they're obsessed with healthy food, the next it's background checks for

builders, or our all-boy football team. I know these are valid issues but what I want to do is teach.

>> Ssh...the pay's not bad. Young teachers start at £21,000, but a head of department is paid around £40,000 a year and some heads get six-figure salaries. There are allowances for working in inner cities, too, but you earn every penny.

Can you kick it?

If you despair of ever giving up those unhealthy habits, here are some easy tips to help you out

One in five of us smokes; we watch TV for more than three hours a day; 33,000 of us die from alcohol-related deaths each year; two in five of us are overweight. We're a nation of addicts—so how can we change?

Drinking

»Don't drink out of habit: "Friday night, time to hit the pub." Find a substitute, such as going bowling or visiting a sushi bar.

>> Work out how much you spend on alcohol each week—then put half that amount into ajar towards buying something special (and not a magnum of champagne!).

>> Create rules. For example, no more than one drink a day; drink only when you're in

your best clothes; drink only wine spritzers.

>> Dilute your drinks with sparkling water. It mixes well with white wine and vodka, without the sodium content of soda water.

You'll cut down on alcohol consumption, and the bubbles will makeyou feel full.

Overeating

>> Don't eat leftovers. Cover and seal what you can reuse and bin the rest.

>> Snack on nuts in their shells. Overeating is often about stress or boredom. You need to concentrate to crack the shell and get the nut out, so it's therapeutic. But don't go for shelled peanuts—they're too easy to open.

>> When you reach for the biscuit tin, stop

and do something else with your hands for 20 minutes, such as drawing or painting your nails. Still hungry after 20 minutes? Fine. Butyou'll usually find you aren't.

>> Store foods in singleportion containers. This makes it harder to sneak an extra scoop of ice cream.

TV addiction

>> Change your chairs. Make them more upright, so that you don't want to lounge in them for hours.

>> Turn on the TV only for a specific programme—it'll stop you channel-hopping.

>> Hide the TV, be it behind a screen, curtains or in a cupboard. This will ensure it's not a focal point.

Smoking

Pictureyourself playing tennis. A study by Sheffield Universityfound that those asked to visualise a match had fewer cravings.

>> Remember that after:

• 24 hours, the carbon monoxide leaves your lungs.

• 48 hours,your ability to smell and taste improves.

• 72 hours,your breathing gets easier.

0 Drink decaf until you've been smoke-free for two months. Caffeine may makeyou more jittery.

5 tips for better grooming

001110116%.

EAT YOUR GREENSVeg such as spinach and kale are rich in chlorophyll, which acts as a natural deodorant.

AFTER A BATH or shower is the time to apply antiperspirant, when your underarms are moist, so ingredients will be absorbed more easily. Stick to alcohol-free products, though —they won't dry out your skin.

MEN ONLY Ifyou're constantly buying new razors, try soakingthem in mineral oil—it stops the oxidation process that dulls the edges. But remember to clean it off with surgical spirit.

WOMEN ONLY Keep your bikini line bump- and pain-free by rubbing olive oil into it, preferably before shaving— the razor will slide over your skin more smoothly.

NO TIME FOR A SHOWER?Add four tablespoons of bicarbonate of soda to a sink filled with water, dip a flannel in and rub yourself down.

Doctor on the Ward

Age is nothing but in A&E, says Max

"He's got a marble stuck up his nose,"says the nurse, failing to suppress a giggle. "He's in cubicle 14."

I glance over towards the cubicle and see a man sitting with his son. I pick up the notes and make my way over, glancing down at the triage sheet as I go.

I stop. That can't be right, I think, going back

a number—especially Pemberton

over to the nursing station.

"Have you got the notes for cubicle 14?" I ask. "You've got them in your hand," replies the nurse. I look down again. "No, these are for a Mr Deakin, aged 34," I say. The nurse laughs again: "I know, he's the patient, not his son."

"But I thoughtyou said..." I begin, but she interrupts me before I can finish. "He has a marble stuck up his nose? Yes, he does."

Now, doctors see all sorts. It's not uncommon for children to come in with objects lodged up their noses and, despite our technological age, marbles still seem to be a favourite. Presumably even for the most determined, iPods are just too big. It's also far from uncommon for adults to come in with objects stuck in unfortunate places. (I'm going to allow you to fill in

the details yourselves...)

But I've never seen an adult with a marble stuck up

"You were going to fire a marble out of your nostril at your son?"

I ask

his nose and I'm intrigued to hear his explanation.

"Hello," I say as I approach Mr Deakin. "Hello," replies Mr Deakin, in a rather nasal tone.

"Look, this is all a bit embarrassing," he continues, as I pull up a chair. "Daddy got a marble stuck up his nose!" shrieks the little boy with boundless glee. "Now he talks funny."

I suppress a laugh. "I was just messing around with my son. I got this marble and put it in my nostril and was

going to fire it out at him, but it got stuck," he begins.

"You were going to fire a marble out of your nostril at your son?" I ask, finding it hard to believe that anyone could be so daft (but trying not to show my incredulity). "At the time, I assure you, I thought it was going to be funny," he says, slowly shaking his head.

I take a look and can see the offending object well and truly rammed in there. He's going to need the ear, nose and throat surgeons, I decide. "As soon as I put it in I knew it was going to be a job to get it out," he said, while his son laughed. "The more I tried, the further in it went. If my wife phones, whatever you do, don't tell her what I've done. I do feel silly."

I didn't like to suggest that with a marble up his nose, he also sounded it...

Skin

We'd be in a real mess without our skin—literally. It protects everything inside the body, and also helps regulate body temperature. Sweating keeps us cool in warm weather, while in cool conditions the skin erects the hairs covering the body and traps an insulating layer of air to warm the body up. The skin you're in The skin is made up of lots of different cells and tissues. Meissner's corpuscles, for instance, are specialised nerve cells that detect only light touch (particularly in places such as the fingertips), while melanocytes make melanin that gives skin its colour and protects it from the sun.

Just skin deep?

fat cell

dead skin cells. Every minute, we lose about 40,000 of these skin cells (that's about 9Ibs of skin cells ayear). The next layer is the dermis. This contains nerve endings, blood vessels and sebaceous glands— these produce sebum, which isyour skin's natural lubricant and waterproofing agent. The final layer is the subcutaneous layer, which is mostly made up of fat and anchors the skin to the underlying tissue. Hair follicles originate here.

If things go wrong...

► Max Pemberton is a t4

▪ hospital doctor, and the

Mind Journalist of the Year 2010.

The skin has three main layers. The first is the tough outer epidermis. Skin cells start at the bottom of the epidermis and over about a month move to the top where they die and are sloughed off. So when you look atyour hands, what you're really looking at is

When the skin is damaged, infection can enter the body. In extensive damage —such as with burns' victims—there's danger of dehydration. Long-term, exposure to the sun can damage the skin's cells and turn them cancerous. MP

Next month: ears

hair follicle

The curse of OCD

Nick Scott takes a look at the history of this anxiety condition

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)—the anxiety condition that sees intrusive thoughts lead to extreme behaviour rituals —affects around one per cent of the UK's population.

"History tells us that OCD is culturally embedded," says Paul Salkovskis, professor of clinical psychology and applied science at King's College London. "The most famous example in literature is Lady Macbeth's repetitive hand-washing. The ancient Greeks also described it in their writing. Martin Luther suffered from `scrupulosity'—he was obsessively concerned with the eternal damnation of

the soul. Later, once Louis Pasteur came along, it was all about germs. Then it centred around venereal disease. In the 195os, a lot of OCD people worried about radiation. Then it was HIV, CJD—and so on."

"OCD changes its form in different cultures," adds Simon Darnley, a cognitive behavioural therapist at the South London and Maudsley Anxiety Disorders Residential Unit. "In India and Africa, it's very much centred on devils and witches." Darnley's patients in recent years have been

preoccupied with issues including E.coli, GM foods and mobile phone radiation.

So what's our current feardu jour? "There's a lot of people who are obsessional about recycling—to a minute degree," Darnley says. "Another one is parents becoming convinced they're paedophiles. I've known dads turn up at police stations saying, 'Lock me away, and never let me near my child again."

>> Visit ocduk.orgfor more information.

KNOW YOUR NUMBERS

Relax, we're not talking maths—September13-19 sees the Blood Pressure Association's (BPA) Know Your Numbers week, the UK's biggest annual blood-pressure testing event. High blood pressure, known as the "silent killer", affects one in three adults in the UK, and it causes 60 per cent of strokes and 40 per cent of heart attacks. Luckily, the BPA has set up thousands of "pressure stations" in UK supermarkets, gyms and workplaces—just visitbpassoc. org/kyn,type in your postcode and find your nearest one.

Keeping it real

Want to turn back the clock? Then bear this season's major trend in mind, says Jan Masters

Minimalism is set to dominate the autumn catwalks:pared-down, purposely understated make-up, particularlygorgeous at Stella McCartney and Alberta Ferretti. It's also useful for those of us with a few more summers under our belt. According to Max Factor's celebrity make-up artist, Caroline Barnes, as you get older, a lighter touch with cosmetics is the way to go.

It's true: make-up flatters most (and stays put longest) when you apply half the amount you did ten years before—but you need to take double the care when applying it.

According to Barnes, make-up that isn't too in-your-face gives you a real edge. To that end, a number of beauty tweaks can help you segue seamlessly into autumn.

The first rule of minimalism is: keep one feature make-upfree. The biggie is the bare

lash—many models at the shows were seen minus mascara.

Too far down the path of naked ambition? As an alternative, Barnes suggests buying into the trend for brown lashes. TryMax Factor's Masterpiece Mascara in black brown, £8.99, or Maybelline New York Define-A-Lash in brown,£7.99. Go for length and definition rather than volume.

Another anti-ageing trick is to keep brows slightly thicker. You can even knock back the arch a bit for a more androgynous effect. Intensify it with a soft brow pencil such asRimmel Professional Eyebrow Pencil,£2.99.

Or rev up eyes but tone down lips with a creamy caramel lip colour such asL'Oreal Paris Color Riche Star Secrets in Eva, £7.99. And leave off the pinky blusher—try swapping it for a mink, tea or taupe shade.

Finally, don't use blanket coverage when it comes to face powder; restrict it to the T-zone, which is oilier. If you can, leave it off the very tip of your nose to cheat a natural finish.

In short, less is more... more or less.

The new colour code

Cosmetics houses are providing plenty of inspiration to bring colour into our lives. Think iconic nail companyOPI,which has joined forces with theDell Design Studio to offer the ultimate colour-coordinated accessory—laptops

• personalised in sumptuous

• OPI nail shades such as Big

0

H Apple Red or Teal the Cows

0 Come Home. "Match your nails to your emails!" says

o Suzi Weiss-Fischmann, OPI artistic director.

E Whatever next, your fave

o lippy shade on your

O

bedroom wall? Make mine

(f) a splash of Clinique's A

0 Different Grape!

You know it makes scents

A great fragrance-layering tip from world-renowned perfumer Roja Dove, who has his own Haute Parfumerie concession on the Fifth Floor at Harrods.Try misting on your fragrance before applying the perfumed body lotion, not the other way round. "You wouldn't apply an alcoholic toner on top of your night cream, so why use body cream and then spray the fragrance on top? It's illogical. Mist the perfume onto your skin—the warmth of your body will help the alcohol evaporate. The cream will then trap the fragrance beneath. What's more, you'll also maintain the moisturising and softening properties of the lotion."

BEAUTY BEAUTY BEAU1

Are you one of the 60 per cent of women surveyed by Pantene Pro-V who never use conditioner, possibly to avoid that "weighed down" feeling? Try the new Pantene Pro-V Aqua Light Shampoo and Conditioner, both £2.19. The "clean-rinse" formula's loosely packed conditioning molecules are broken apart much more easily than those of normal shampoos and conditioners for fast rinsing, leaving the active conditioning ingredients on the hair without excess residue.

With the pound so weak, how do you protect yourself from currency fluctuations and get the most for your money when you need to transfer funds overseas?

Richard Blanchard regularly spent his holidays in Spain and, in 2008, he finally bought a property there, where he plans to retire. In order to do so, he needed to transfer money from the UK.

Moneycorp helped Richard save thousands. He used a "spot contract" to pay the deposit and achieved a better exchange rate than he would have got with a high-street bank. He also arranged a "forward contract" for the balance of the payment. A forward contract

lets you buy or sell currency in the future at a rate you fix today, so you are protected against adverse rate fluctuations.

As Richard said:

The forward contract made sure we got a secured rate and we made a saving by doing this. I didn't know much about foreign exchange before, and our Moneycorp Account Manager made it very easy to understand the best way to transfer my money

Richard received such a good service from his personal Account Manager at Moneycorp that he is now speaking to the company about his pension, for when he eventually retires to Spain. Richard says:

I spoke to a Moneycorp representative about transferring my pension to Spain and the guy knew straight away the best way to do it — with a Regular Payment Plan.

I also appreciate the fact that Moneycorp are honest and want to help you — you don't get much of that in Britain nowadays

The Regular Payment Plan is tailored for transactions like pension transfers and mortgage payments. You can lock into favourable exchange rates for a set period of time, which means that the foreign currency arriving in your overseas account will stay the same each time. The process is fully automated, so every month you have peace of mind, knowing that your transfers are taken care of.

Richard realises the importance of seeking expert advice and getting the best rates when transferring funds to Spain. With the pound weakening against the euro over the last two years, this is a difficult time for people living abroad who receive an income from the UK. It is especially tough if you're on a pension or making mortgage payments.

A foreign exchange and international payments specialist like Moneycorp can help. Their experts monitor the currency markets on your behalf — so you get the best possible rates of exchange.

commercial foreign exchange

Many people in Spain who rely on British pensions are struggling since the value of the pound has dropped. Exchange rates over the last 12 years have been very favourable for Brits, and where a sterling pension used to go a long way, it is now more limited. Hopefully it will be sorted out in a couple of years, but in the meantime many people in Spain are considering moving back to the UK

How to prepare for redundant

Tough measures to cut Britain's deficit will lead to big job losses— the Government predicts around 1.3 million job cuts over the next five years. Worried aboutyour job security? Here are ten things to do to prepare for the worst.

Get organised

Work out how much you need to cover each month's essentials, such as bills and food, and see if you can cut costs. Are you paying for an insurance policyyou don't need? Or could you find a cheaper energy bill by switching suppliers?

Pay off your debt

If you owe money on credit cards and loans, work out a debt-repayment plan to clear these debts as quickly as possible. Find out if you can make your debts cheaper by moving what you owe onto a o% balance transfer card, or by consolidating larger debts with a loan offering a competitive interest rate.

Save

Ideally,you should have at least two to three months' salary put aside for emergencies. Remember, it's important that you can get to this fund quickly and easily, so opt for an easy-access savings account that won't penalise you for making withdrawals.

Protect your pay

Consider taking out income protection or accident, sickness and unemployment (ASU) insurance that will pay out if you're made redundant. But be aware that these types of insurance often come with a long list of exclusions, so always check the terms and conditions carefully before you buy.

Know your redundancy rights

Go through your current employment contract and find out how much redundancy payyou'd be entitled to. Also, make sureyour employer is meeting the

statutory requirements. You can find out what these are on direct.gov.uk.

Join a union

If your company has a trade union, it may be worth joining. It can provide helpful advice and may be able to negotiateyour redundancy package on your behalf. No trade union? Contact Acas (the Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service) or the Citizens Advice Bureau.

Find out about benefits

If you're made redundant you may be entitled to state support such as jobseeker's allowance, housing benefit and council tax reduction. But be aware that many benefits are means-tested and will take your redundancy pay into account.

Make yourself more employable

In the current climate it's important to make yourself more attractive to employers. Many companies have a specific budget to spend on staff training—find out if there are any courses you can go on.

Sort out your CV

Updatingyour CV can take longer than you think, so don't wait until you've been made redundant beforeyou start thinking about it. Be succinct—no more than two A4 sides—and really sell yourself. Use bullet points to highlight relevant experience.

Stay positive

Although it's important to prepare for the possibility of redundancy,you must try to stay positive in your current job. Even if this doesn't spare you from any job cuts, it will at least ensure you get a glowing reference.

FIVE WAYS TO FIGHT online fraud

1 Make sure you have up-toI.date anti-virus software and are protected against "spyware" or "malware" (software designed to infiltrate your computer without you knowing).

al Watch out for phishing—a form of ff. online fraud that uses fake websites and emails to trick you into handing over your details. For example, you may receive an email asking you to click on a link and enter your bank details on a genuinelooking website—usually to "protect against fraud" or claim a "prize".

3 Be careful not to share any personal information, such as your address, on popular social networking sites like Facebook.

4 Use strong passwords. Avoid information easy to find out —eg, your mother's maiden name—and don't use the same password for everything. Your password should be at least eight characters, and have a mixture of capitals, numbers and punctuation. The longer the better.

M Look for the padlock. Always check the site you're using has a padlock at the bottom of your screen before you enter your card details. The web address should also change from "http" to "https". The "s" stands for secure.

Writing a will: watch out for scams

Your will is likely to be one of the most important documents you'll ever writeand it's the only way to ensure your loved ones are properly provided for when you pass away. So it's important to get it right.

Unfortunately, an increasing number of people are falling victim to will-writing scams that leave them seriously out of pocket—and either

without a will they can rely on, or without a will at all.

Rogue will writers

Citizens Advice has warned people not to be conned by dodgy will writers promising to make wills on the cheap.

"Some so-called will writers are advertising wills for around £24 in local papers, as well as coldcalling people just to get a foot in the door so they can go in with a hard sell. Once

through the door, the cost begins to add up to hundreds of pounds and people are often required to pay up there and then," Citizens Advice say.

In one case, coldcalls resulted in a home visit where a payment of £498 was made to a firm that the clients have not been able to contact since.

Hidden costs

It's not only bogus will writers that consumers need to beware of.

Consumer champion Which? recently voiced its concern over the number of legitimate will providers that don't provide consumers with a clear service.

In its reportWhich?said: "We were concerned that some will providers were recommending that they are named as an executor without properly explaining the cost implications."

Executors are responsible for sorting out your estate and dealing with the paperwork after your death. The costs of appointing a professional executor can be incredibly high and vary considerably, but friends and family

members can do it for free. The Office of Fair Trading advises: "If you decide on a professional executor, check to see how much it will cost. Some executors will give an indication of the price—but it may change by the time you die. Others don't give a clear idea of price at all." Consumers also need to be aware of firms selling extra products alongside a will, such as equity-release schemes, funeral plans and trusts. Sadly, many providers are more interested in securing a sale than ensuring the product they are selling is suitable for the customer. So if you aren't careful, what began as a relatively inexpensive will could turn into a bill for thousands of pounds for products you might not really need.

What you can do to protect yourself

The problem is that will writers aren't properly regulated—it's up to you to do your homework. Find out if the firm

belongs to a professional body. Most belongto one of three—the Society of Will Writers, the Institute of Professional Will Writers or the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners.

A spokesperson for the Legal Services Board said: "The consumers most likely to avoid falling foul of rogue will writers are those who do a full check over the details—includingthe complaints policy, written quote and the details of any bundled services."

You should also check the firm has insurance, so that if you make an upfront payment and the company goes out of business you'll still get your will written. Citizens Advice say: "Explore all the options. Ask a few local solicitors what they charge. You may have access to legal advice which covers the cost of a solicitor preparing a will through an addition to an insurance policy. If you're a member of a trade union you may find that the union offers a free wills service to members."

RD Money Editor Victoria Bischoff is a personal finance reporter at Citywire Money, an independent website that helps people make the most of their money. See citywire.co.uk/money.

PENSIONS check-up

More than 75 per cent of British adultsaged 55 and over don't realise that certain medical conditions could entitle them to higher pension income, according to research from financial service specialists MGM Advantage. MGM points out that enhanced annuities pay on average 24.09 per cent more for men and 22.69 per cent more for women. So the difference between the amount paid out by an average standard and an enhanced £50,000 annuity in the first five years of retirement is £3,823.50 for men and £3,407.65 for women.

Aston Goodey, sales and marketing director of MGM Advantage, said:

"Having a health check before purchasing an annuity is vital—if someone discovers they have a medical condition [which includes high blood pressure, cancer and diabetes], they should inform their prospective annuity provider."

Finally, a Shine That Lasts

(Here's the latest from the US about a phenomenon now available in the UK)

Miracle Polish Ends Struggle With Tarnishing Metals

Lately, I have noticed quite a few newspapers and magazines praising a polish formulated by a housewife. The articles report that Donna Maas grew frustrated with rubbing and scrubbing her silver, brass and other metals only to see them quickly become dull and tarnished again. Determined to put an end to her constant battle with tarnish, Donna formulated a metal cleaner and it's transforming the industry.

Anita Gold, nationally syndicated columnist and expert on the restoration of antiques calls MAAS (named after its inventor) "The best and most amazing polish in the world." Ms. Gold wrote in her column, "A truly miraculous polish referred to as "miracle polish" that'll turn the most disastrous pieces into the most de-brightful is MAAS Fine Polishing Creme For All Metals, which cleans, restores, preserves and polishes to perfection any brass, copper, chrome, silver, stainless steel, aluminum, gold or any other metal with amazing results - no matter how badly stained, spotted, discoloured, food-damaged, weathered, dirty, dingy, drab, or dull they may be."

Since I had an old brass lamp in desperate need of restoration, this journalist decided to put MAAS to the test. The lamp had been stored in the garage and was in far worse condition than I remembered. I was flabbergasted as I watched the polish wipe away layers and years of tarnish. Never have I used anything so easy. The lamp actually looks better than when I purchased it. Better yet, months later it's still glowing! The polish

By D.H. Wagner

worked so effortlessly, I decided to refurbish my mother's antique brass and copper cookware. The badly stained pots and pans developed black spots that had been impossible to remove. MAAS wiped away years of builtup residue even from the most discoloured pieces. While polishing, I noticed MAAS applying a shine on the stainless steel sink. WOW! The shine is unbelievable and although I wash dishes every day, the shine keepson-shining. And it's no longer covered with ugly waterspots - water just rolls off the protective finish and down the drain.

A consumer study of 28 metal polishes reports, "MAAS Polishing Creme has no equals in all around polishing performance..." MAAS retained its shine longer than every polish tested. The Miami Herald says, "Polishing product can renew old silver." And The Chicago Tribune headline sums it all up by proclaiming "One Amazing Polish Is The Best At Everything."

How did a housewife come up with something the industry's experts couldn't? The reporter in me had to find out.

During our interview Donna explained, "I enjoy the warmth that beautifully polished metals add to a home,

however, not the hours it took to keep them tarnish free. The harsh cleaners left my hands dry and burning - one instant silver dip smelled so bad I felt sick. That's when I became determined to find a better way to care for the metals in my home."

And that she did. Her formula developed with a chemist friend, has a mild scent and feels like a hand cream. It's non-flammable, highly concentrated and leaves a deep, rich one-of-a-kind lustre beyond anything I've ever seen.

"To my surprise," Donna reveals, "the formula far exceeded my original goal. MAAS completely renovated a sundamaged fiberglass boat, removed residue from glass fireplace doors, polished up clouded crystal and glass vases, wiped scuffs and stains from linoleum, plastic lawn furniture - it even reconditioned a Plexiglas windshield. The restorations were so remarkable everyone suggested that I sell my invention on television".

Donna sent samples of her polish to televised shopping channels and both QVC and Home Shopping Network asked Donna to personally appear on TV to demonstrate her product. Within minutes of Donna's first appearance the phones lit up with hundreds waiting on line to place their orders. As soon as viewers saw how effortlessly MAAS removed • tarnish, stubborn spots, and stains from the piles of badly oxidised metals on stage - MAAS hit big time. 17,000 viewers called during MAAS' debut and encore performances quickly brought a million dollars in recordbreaking sales.

Sheila Oetting in Florida wrote Donna saying, "Thank you, for a wonderful product! Family treasures with 30 years of tarnish, grime and corrosion are gleaming. I'm so thrilled to see the beauty that had been hidden all those years."

Leona Toppel, was about to throw away a brass chandelier. "No amount of elbow grease could shine it up. With very little effort (a big plus since I suffer from arthritis) MAAS made that chandelier look like new. It's been years and to everyone's surprise it's still glowing."

Boeing and McDonnell Douglas tested and approved

the polish for use on jet aircraft. The Air Force, Army, Navy, Coast Guard and Department of Defence worldwide have ordered MAAS. If every branch of our military is using this polish to pass inspection, imagine what it will do for your home.

"MAAS outperforms every cleaning product I've tried," Donna beams with satisfaction. "So if you're as tired as I was of cleaning metals just to see tarnish reappear a few weeks later, MAAS it!" At Last, A Polish That Keeps Metals

Now available in the UK, finally you can restore every metal and more to it's original beauty with MAAS easy wipe-on, wipe-off, no-wait polish. Obviously a full noquibble money-back guarantee applies to all purchases. Just f 11.95 plus f1.50 P&P for one large 4oz. tube of MAAS. Save when you order two tubes and receive a FREE polishing cloth (total value £27.85) for only f19.50 plus f2.40 P&P. Please make cheques payable to MAAS. Post your order with your full name and address to:

MAAS — DEPT RGS

6 Castleham Road, St. Leonards on Sea, East Sussex TN38 9NR

Or to order by phone call 01424 797 700 www.lastingshine.co.uk

"One amazing metal polish is the best at everything" The Chicago Tribune

Fishy story

Marco Pierre , White on a spicy treat with a colourful history

Kedgeree (great name, great taste) is one of those dishes about which there's always argument. Not because there's any doubt about how delicious it is, but more to do with its questionable origins.

It's thought to have begun life as an Indian rice-and-bean or rice-and-lentil concoction and has been traced back to 1340.1t was introduced to Victorian Britain by colonials returning home and it became a mainstay of Anglo-Indian cuisine.

SMOKED HADDOCK KEDGEREE

(serves 8)

500ml whole milk

2 fillets undyed fresh smoked haddock

8 hard-boiled eggs, grated

Handful of chives, chopped

For the rice

800g chicken stock

1 small shallot, finely diced

75g unsalted butter

1dsp mild curry powder

1dsp ground turmeric

350g long-grain rice

Salt and freshly ground white pepper

It was eaten at breakfast in years gone by, but also worked wonders before fridges— converting yesterday's leftovers into hearty lunches. The Scots like to think it originated from north of the border and was taken to India by Scottish troops during the Raj. I'm not so sure about that. What I do know is that I love to eat as much as possible at breakfast. It's a great energy booster and is better foryou than a fry-up.

Another thing to remember is that it's much easier to prepare than you think— and tastes just as good hot or cold. Make lots of it in one batch, it really is worth it.

• Marco Pierre White is donating his fee for this column to Macmillan Cancer Support.

For the curry sauce

2 shallots, finely chopped

1 small knob of butter

ltsp cayenne pepper

1 dsp curry powder

Pinch of saffron strands

100m1white-wine vinegar

150m1white wine

300m1fish stock

300m1double cream

Salt and freshly ground white pepper

1.Preheat oven to 180°C/ 350°F/Gas mark 4.

2.Heat the chicken stock. In an ovenproof pan with

a tight-fitting lid, sweat the shallot in the butter until soft, then add the curry powder and turmeric. Cook the spices for a few seconds, then add the rice. Stir to coat the rice in the butter, pour over the stock and bring to the boil. Put the lid on and place in the oven for 15-20 minutes or until the liquid has been absorbed. 1 2 Remove from the pan and leave to one side to cool.

3.While the rice is cooking, make the sauce. Sweat the t shallots in the butter until

MARCO'S MAGIC

Add some sultalts to giva this dish an exotic sweetness

soft and transparent, then add the cayenne pepper, curry powder and saffron strands. Sweat for a few minutes more, being careful not to burn the shallots. Add the white-wine vinegar and reduce until the pan is almost dry again, then add the white wine and reduce to a syrup. Add the fish stock and continue to reduce until its volume has halved. Add the double cream and reduce slightly until the sauce has reached a coating thickness. Strain through a

fine sieve and season with the salt and pepper, if required. Keep in a warm place until later.

4.Bring the milk to just below boiling point. Drop in the haddock fillets and carefully poach them until the flesh begins to flake from the skin. Remove them and flake the white flesh off into a bowl; discard any bones and skin.

5.Take eight ovenproof dishes and place a layer of rice about 1cm thick in the bottom of each. On top of

this, carefully layer some of the flaked smoked haddock, then sprinkle some of the grated egg. Add a few chives, then repeat the layers again but do not add the egg layer. After the second layer of fish has been applied, spoon over some of the sauce— enough to evenly coat the surface of the kedgeree. When reheating, put tinfoil over each dish and bake at 160°C for 10-15 minutes.

6.Finish by adding another layer of grated egg and sprinkle with more chives.

Carol Sampson loves this tasty, simple snack

CHICKEN "CHIPATTI" WRAPS

(serves 6)

1 lettuce

1 cucumber

6 cherry tomatoes

250m1Greekyogurt

1 heaped teaspoon of mint sauce or dried mint soaked in a little vinegar

3 skinless chicken breasts

2 medium potatoes

1tbsp olive oil

3 heaped teaspoons of fajita seasoning

6 plain chapattis (Vegetarians can use grilled or fried halloumi cheese instead of chicken and fajita seasoning)

1.Chop lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes.

2. Mix yogurt and mint together.

3. Cut chicken into small,thin strips and cut the potatoes into thin chip-size pieces.

4. Fry the chicken in the olive oil until cooked (5-10 minutes), then add the fajita spice and fryfor a further 2 minutes. Keep warm while fryingthe chips.

5. Warm the chapatis in the oven or microwave. When everything is cooked, spread each chapati with a spoon of the mint and yogurt sauce. Divide the chicken, lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes and chips over each chapati. Wrap and tuck in!

>> Want to share a recipe? We pay £50 for any we publish. See page 11 for details.

L•tti Luxur

You don't have to be a millionaire to enjoy Bordeaux, says Will Lyons

In the world of wine, Bordeaux is Formula One. Thisstrip of land that flickers down the Dordogne and Garonne rivers produces some of the world's silkiest wines. Sadly, much of it is beyond our reach—that privilege is reserved for the few who can afford to pay £600 a bottle, sometimes more.

However, the good news is that below the stratosphere there are some pretty decent bargains in Bordeaux. Despite the strength of the euro and the high labour and production costs, the wines are only slightly pricier than, say, those from countries such as Chile. Think of it as supporting the locals.

One type worth looking out for is white Bordeaux, which is made from a blend of Sauvignon Blanc, Semillion and Muscadelle.Dourthe Not Sauvignon Blanc2008 Bordeaux (£6.64, Waitrose) andStonerock Sauvignon Blanc2009 (£8.49, Oddbins) both have a refreshing character. lfyou like claret, tryChâteau Meaume Bordeaux Superieur2005 (£8.99, Majestic).

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Solutions

Bob Rowerdew answers your gardening questions

WI've got very little garden space and have had to grow flowers in containers. Now I want to grow food crops as well, but what would succeed best, especially from an autumn start?

A When growing crops in containers you need to feed and water more diligently than with flowers. But otherwise it's easy— though perhaps the space taken by cabbages, parsnips and potatoes would favour other vegetables that take less growing space.

Baby carrots, spring onions, garlic, most annual and perennial herbs, salad crops, French beans and even

tomatoes are all easy from springthrough summer. Even in autumn you can plant hardy perennial herbs and sow salad leaves for winter, especially if you have some sort of cover, cold frame or cloche. Loose-leaf, miner's and lamb's lettuces, rocket, spring onions, chervil and parsley are strongly recommended.

QWe've heard that keeping your own chickens is popular— how do we start?

A Could you look after a clog or a child? A couple of chickens are much easier. You ideally need a small run, preferably fox-proof, which is easily made from chicken wire on posts and with a stout branch for a perch somewhere high up in the dry of a shed or similar.

The chickens will need a laying box, snug and dark with soft straw, plus a bowl of clean water, food scraps and a little grain each day. Garden weeds and crop wastes can be given to them to pre-process before composting and they

will love sunflower heads and outer lettuce and cabbage leaves. Hens rarely get ill and live several years, laying eggs through most of them, even without a cockerel, and are great recyclers. As to sourcing hens and grain, try small ads, Google for mail-order suppliers or ask local agricultural and equestrian stores.

QI keep reading about green manures. Are they any good?

These are "crops" _sown between crops to protect the soil and collect nutrients, turning them into plant material to dig in or compost for extra fertility. Often used in agriculture, where they're ploughed in, they're hard work for domestic gardeners to kill or dig in. Instead, try miner's lettuce, lamb's lettuce and poached egg plant for winter ground cover from an autumn sowing. They're easy to kill off and collect, and you can eat the first two as salad crops!

• Bob Flowerdew is an organic gardener and a regular on BBC Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time.

JOBS FOR September

Now's the time to sow hardy annuals such as pot marigolds or the delightful poached egg plant. And re-sow patches of grass worn bare in summer.

It's no good—summer will soon be over, so get ready to cope with any frosts at the end of the month. Tender bedding displays can be extended by weeks if sheets or blankets are placed over them at night. The lightest net curtain retains enough warmth to save a plant that would otherwise be killed off (it works best when the fabric is not touching the bedding but resting on sticks). Even a plastic dustbin bag pushed over a plant could save it for a few more days, and tubs and hanging baskets can be brought in at night. Some bedding plants can be potted up to keep them flowering under cover, especially pelargoniums, petunias, daturas and fuchsias.

READER'S TIP

"Think outside the pot and go for 'Mousy',colourful, creative planting, such as this hanging bra-basket," suggests Clare Black of London. "For minimum maintenance, mix water-storing crystals with the soil. Covering any exposed earth with moss and liningyour hanging baskets helps them keep their shape as well as retaining moisture."

Email us your gardening tips and ideas—with photos, if possible—to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk. We'll pay £50 if we use them on this page.

FISHER KINGS

Although kingfisher numbers can drop over 'r Yy winter (if the water • freezes they can't fish) they usually bounce back in the breeding season., probably because these brightly coloured birds can migrate south then come back when things • warm up. Kingfishers can make up numbers fast, but it's hard work, especially for the male. He digs the nest hole (up to a metre deep) where the female lays up to ten eggs. He feeds her as she sits, as well as taking his turn incubating. Once the eggs hatch, the male may have already dug a second hole —which the female will move into and lay more eggs, leaving him to look after their first family. Now he has to feed the first brood, as well as his "wife" with the second clutch.

1 ' , One male was recorded '■%.1i helping three females at once —he looked aftersix nests that year!

The water shrew: suprisingly poisonous

ALPHA SPIDER

As autumn approaches, some species of spider crawl into our homes to keep warm—including our largest house spider, the cardinal.Arachnaphobes, turn away now—it's got a leg span that can exceed five inches. According to legend, it got its name by terrifying Cardinal Wolsey at Hampton Court as it rushed across tapestries in flickering candlelight.

My favourite house spider has even longer legs than the cardinal—but is much less intimidating. It's often called the daddy long legs spider, or the vibrating spider, thanks to its habit of vibrating violently if its web is disturbed. The spider

OUTDOORS

SHREWD MOVE

Squeaking comingfrom the roadside in September could well mean squabbling shrews. Their numbers peak at this time, and these pugnacious animals simply won't tolerate each other. The water shrew (the largest of our three mainland species) is one of the few poisonous mammals—its venom is produced by special salivary glands. There's also the tiny pigmy shrew—it weighs in at around four grams, making it our smallest mammal. The common shrew (like all British shrews) must eat almost its total body weight every day just to stay alive. My bad cat, Jinx, often brings in shrews. She never eats them, but once a common shrew attached itself firmly to her upper lip and did not want to let go. I was rather glad to see this awful retribution! I grabbed Jinx and, in the end, cat and shrew went their separate ways.

Wildlife etch

Beware vibrating spiders this month, says Martin Hughes-Games

becomes a whizzing blur —making it very tricky for a predator to know where to attack. I'm ashamed to say that I frequently give their webs a gentle poke to watch this extraordinary performance.

Martin Hughes-Games is a host ofBBC2'sSpringwatch andAutumnwatch

/Cardinal spider: The terror of Hampton court

My hest holiday sever*.

Stephen and Rebekka Maughan combined

volunteering in an orphanage with a holiday in Romania

For volunteer placements in Brasov,go to responsibletravel.com (from £1,295 for a four-week placement) orfirmfoundations romania.com. For short breaks, visit Sunvil (02o 8758 4722, sunvil.co.uk).

able to see it from our apartment window.

Brasov: not a Romanian expletive, but a picturesque city in the Southern Carpathian mountains. Last autumn, my wife, our two children and I visited the Transylvanian city, combining a holiday with some charity work at a children's home. I was sceptical about combining a family holiday with work, but it turned out

to be a remarkable trip, thanks to both the beauty of Brasov and the warm hospitality of its locals.

The city itself is breathtaking. This picture of Rebekka and me was taken in front of the haunting St Bartolomeu church, which dates from 1223. I felt it was the most spectacular building in the city—we were lucky enough to be

Our trip took place during the run-up to the elections. One evening while I was out for a stroll, a full-scale rally erupted, with hundreds of people peacefully but urgently marchingtowards me. They were all dressed in green and red, chanting "Basescu! Basescu!" (the name of the Romanian president). And we thought British election campaigns were exciting! Brasov is more beautiful than many popular European cities,yet remains a little-known spot to tourists. Although it's certain to change as Romania progresses, I'm sure its laid-back welcome and beautiful architecture will survive.

* Send us a photo of your favourite holiday, tell us briefly what made it so special, and if we include it on this page we'll pay you £75. See address on p6.

Edited by Kate Pettifer

3GREAT ESCAPES for September

3 OF THE BEST: SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

Pick up a paintbrush in Paleros in Greece with a five-night painting course: from E301, including accommodation; 0845502 0445,golearnto.com.

Learn to photograph wildlife in Germany's Bavaria or in the Slovakian Tatras: four-day courses start at £435 and run to November; 0161 408 8988,tatraphoto graphyworkshop.com.

Steven Doherty /I'

Stay in nearby Glasgow and perfect the art of the dinner party at the Cook School Scotland in Kilmarnock, under chef director Steven Doherty: day courses cost around D30;01563 550008,braeheadfoods. co.uk.

HAVE AN INDIAN SUMMER

The rainy season's over, so now's a good time to visit

India. On the Go Tours has a 13-day Deserts, Palaces and Ganges escorted tour. Take in the beautiful Rajasthan capital ofJaipur, the iconic Taj Mahal, the carved Hindu temples of Khajuraho, and Varanasi, a city on the banks of the Ganges. From £799pp, excluding flights; 020 73711113, onthegotours.com.

JOIN THE FESTIVITIES IN EXMOOR

bring the Walking Festival (October 1-4) and the Food Festival (October 2-10) to this part of England. Visit walkingnorthdevon. co.ukand exmoorfood festival.co.uk.Holiday Lettings has a log cabin by a lake in nearby Exebridge, which sleeps six, from €230 a week ..

The first days of October (property 114683); holiday lettings. co.uk.

Cover star •• Alex James's favourite place: "My home in Oxfordshire... with the people Hove" ...."

WEBSITE of the month

Hertz or Europcar, Budget or Avis?It's hard to know which car-hire companyto go with. This comparison site is dedicated to car-hire and couldn't be easier to use. It trawls up to 5o websites (both car-hire companies and brokers) to find the best deal foryour destination and dates. The pricing is transparent—guaranteed to match the provider's best deal—soyou can be confident that the site is savingyou time, and not costingyou extra.

THE RD CHALLENGE

Ready to flex your mental muscles?

Then warm up with these six mind-bending questions, courtesy of the high-IQ society Mensa. Give yourself 20 minutes on the clock and see how you get on!

cell body, w. zts impulses away sated dendrite is calle xtively called nerve fib 1, cytoplasmic tubes, i .ulating sheath of fatty -sually in the brain (P. lendron extends the .n for considerable down to the .trve fibre has lectrical impL them on to tht

IPLIJPU pue UOJI'pueli 5ped 'Jam:, `alep PJPsruom ap—uNdloa (9 •sapw 58 (5 'AJ}iaq 'Lisyas 41aus (q „leopu!e., eSaUJED oym ls!wildo UP ~nq`lsiwpdouew,l„(t sz siaqt_unu _moil°MOJ LID2@--RAIJ (9 '2upeaw.lepiu!se DAELI spom _lap° ap-8up(p-lal (L SI1MSNV

1. Look at the meanings of the following words. Which is the odd one out?

2. What number should replace the question mark? 7 9 6 4 3 8 5

3. A well-known quote by Harold Wilson has been split up and the groups placed in alphabetical order. What should it say?

BUTA CARR COAT IESA I'MAN IMIS MIST NOPT OPTI RAIN TWHO

4® Find words to fit the given clues. Each group of crosses should be replaced with the same three-letter word. What are the words? X X X Ledge x x x Inconsiderate --x x x A bell tower

5. A cyclist rides from one town to another. On the first day she covers two-fifths of the total distance. The next day she covers one-third of what's left. The following day she covers one-quarter of the remainder and on the fourth day half of the remaining distance. She now has 15 miles left to travel. How far has she travelled?

NEXT MONTH

6. On each row, place a fourletter word that will link the two given words (i.e. RIVER - BANKACCOUNT). When completed, the initial letters of these words will give a word reading downwards. What is it?

Armstrong and Miller on laughter, friendship and modern manhood!

Dr Rugby Meet the surgeon who's rebuilt some of the sport's top stars

Caroline Lucas: 100 days as a new MP

SO HOW DID YOU SCORE?

One point for every correct answer

0-1 Bread and cheese.Uninspiring.

2-3 Ham and melon.Still only a starter.

4-5 Beef and Yorkshire pud.Solid and substantial, but just needs a bit more flair.

6 Caviar and salmon.Now that's classy!

How to protect yourself in hospital

Plus the cuisine that's set to take the world by storm

READER'S DIGEST: SMALL, BUT PERFECTLY INFORMED

SEPTEMBER'S BOOKS

A N Wilson is filled with admiration for some great storytellers—and shame for his teenage self

THE CHARMING QUIRKS

OF OTHERS by Alexander McCall Smith (Little, Brown, £17.99)

This is one of the delightful Edinburghbased novels in which Isabel Dalhousie is the highly lovable protagonist. Alexander McCall Smith once again displays his great gift of appearing to chat—gossip, almost—about his characters in a very relaxed manner, while in fact crafting beautifully shaped and well-plotted fiction.

This one will not disappoint his many fans. Isabel is a step closer to marrying her lover Jamie, and in a deft piece of sleuthing she both heads off a would-be predator for his affections and solves the book's central mystery. All the characters are three-dimensional and convincing.

Adultery and mental illness may be two of the main themes here, yet, as with all McCall Smith's novels, there is a refreshing warmth of outlook which is not in the least sentimental.

FALL OF GIANTS

by Ken Follett (Macmillan, £20)

At getting on for 1,000 pages, the first volume of what will apparently be Ken Follett's Centurytrilogy is in many ways an extraordinary achievement. It is about the world destroyed by the Great War, and we see it through the eyes of Welsh

miners, German aristocrats, American intellectuals and Russian revolutionaries. The research is prodigious—although I must admit there were times when I felt as if I were eating my way through a rather dry suet pudding and I longed for a glass of water, or something stronger, to wash it all down. The characters do not exactly come to life, but the events around them do, and you have to admire the diligence of the historical scene-painting.

STORYTELLER: THE LIFE OF

ROALD DAHL by Donald Sturrock (HarperPress, £25)

As a father of three, I have noticed that Roald Dahl's stories have more power to grip children than those of any other author. HisTales ofthe Unexpected,too, are as well crafted as Hitchcock's films.

StOrYt

The Life

Yet there is a vein of heartlessness in his work that makes you wonder about the real Dahl—and now we have a truly magnificent biography by Donald Sturrock that tells the whole story.

As it turns out, Dahl's life was as sharpedged as his stories. He lost his father, a Norwegian shipping magnate, at three. A heroic war as an RAF fighter pilot was followed by secret service in the US. One of his children was run over while in his pram and left severely injured. His daughter Olivia died when she was seven.

When Sturrock met Dahl, to make a TV documentary about him, the storyteller pooh-poohed the biographer's art. He would change his mind if he read this masterly account of his own life.

MAO'S GREAT FAMINE

by Frank Dikotter (Bloomsbury, £25)

I belong to the generation that thought it was cool to buy Mao's Little Red Book. In fact, Mao was responsible for more deaths than Hitler. Holding up his book at student sit-ins was the equivalent of waving copies of Hitler'sMein Kampf.

Frank Dikotter's utterly brilliant book calculates that between 1958 and 1962 more than 55 million Chinese people died

RD BOOK CLUB

Each month, we invite you to read our recommended paperback and let us have your comments and marks out of ten. Our professional critic A N Wilson then reads the same book and we report on how your views compare with his.

SEPTEMBER'S CHOICE

InJuliet, Naked, Nick Hornby returns to theHigh Fidelityterritory of male obsessives and the women who have to put up with them—or maybe don't. In the grim northern resort of Gooleness, Duncan runs a website about Tucker Crowe, a never-very-famous American singer who disappeared entirely from public view in 1986. (Among other things, the novel is one of the first to explore the effect of the Internet on shared obsessions.) But then the tiny world of Crowe worshippers is rocked by the news that an acoustic demo version of his best-known album, Juliet, is about to be released. Duncan duly hails the result as a masterpiece, but his long-suffering girlfriend Annie in the state-orchestrated famines

The sober prose and punctilious research make the reality of the suffering all the more chilling. The result is the opposite of comfort reading—but my God, it is necessary that we should all

************** is not so sure—and says so online.

star Alex /Cover

As a result, she suddenly gets James's favourite an admiring email from book isTruman Tucker Crowe... Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's: "I t's a book I can always THE VERDICT rely on"

...*

A N Wilson choseJuliet, Naked know and reflect on what happened in Mao's China. Ex-teenage Maoists such as myself will feel particularly silly when they reach the end.

as one of his RD Christmas Books for 2009 and, having re-read it now, he's sticking to his guns. "It's very touching and very funny," he says,"with a very

Read a

English sort of comedy good book recently about the acceptance of that you'd like us to limitations—Alan Bennett feature? Send your territory really, with nods to ideas to the email Adrian Mole. I laughed out loud address below a lot."

Most of you seem to have laughed and been touched too—although by no means all. Leading the anti-Hornby faction was Carol Griffin from Dublin, who liked Tucker himself, but felt that Duncan and Annie were "two bozos" who stopped the novel from coming to life, especially in the second half. (In fact, even the book's fans—including A N Wilson—generally preferred the first half.) She also objected to Hornby's belief that obsession is largely a male trait, assuring us that "I can obsess with the best of them".

Even with Carol's measly 3/10,the average mark from RD readers was 7, which meant that, for the first time since March, you and A N Wilson both gave a book the same score.

Despite Carol's impassioned demolition, our Critic of the Month is Raghav Modi from Birmingham, who wins £100 in book tokens for this thoughtful review.

"One thing I loved was that Tucker Crowe was not someone who suddenly changes, because that would have been too Bollywood-ish (everyone realises their mistakes and everything turns out well in the end). Instead, all three main characters have their own demons that they are battling.

"The book has a good dose of Hornby's usual humour, and his look at everyday life and people is wonderful

to read. The minor characters such as Tucker's ex-wives and numerous children each play an important part. Above all, people's genuine love of music, and the complicated reasons why they love it so much, are beautifully handled."

COMING UP

OctoberThe Ghost by Robert Harris (Arrow, £7.99).

NovemberJane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë (Various editions).

DecemberThe Suspicions of Mr Whicher by Kate Summerscale (Bloomsbury, £7.99). The celebrated account of a classic Victorian scandal: part social history, part real-life whodunnit and part courtroom drama.

• Which aspects

SUSPICIONS

of the book did you find the most gripping?

• Can you see why it's become such a huge bestseller?

Please send your comments and marks out of ten by October 15. (The Jane Eyre deadline is September15.) Comments, thoughts and reviews of all kinds and lengths are welcome. Write to RD Book Club, Reader's Digest, 157 Edgware Road, London W2 2HR or email bookclub@ readersdigest. co.uk. In return, we'll give a £ioo book token to the Critic of the Month and publish their verdict—in edited form—here. Happy reading!

BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Toby Young is the author of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (later a hit film starring Simon r Pegg) and The Sound of No Hands Clapping. He is also a freelance journalist and is leading a group in London to set up a "free school". See westlondonfreeschool.co.uk.

SCOOP

by Evelyn Waugh

This was the book that made me want to become a journalist. I read it in secondary school and dreamed of becoming a foreign correspondent like William Boot,the unlikely protagonist.

Even though Scoop is an eviscerating satire of the profession, it still left me thinking that it was the most glamorous job in the world. / want tolive that life! I thought. The reality has been faintly disappointing, obviously. I've yet to experience the dizzy heights of any of Boot's adventures—I've certainly never covered a war and my only foreign posting has been New York, which was a fairly cushy number. Still, I live in hope...

LUCKY JIM

by Kingsley Amis

I think this is the funniest British novel of the 20th century and it was the inspiration

for How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. I wanted to convey the same feeling thatyou get inLuckyJim, in which the reader starts off thinking,Who is this oddball? and ends up thinking,He's the only sane person in the book.

Jim is a fish out of water, surrounded by fairly unsympathetic characters, so the book spoke to my sense of wounded narcissism. I find comedy and satire empowering—they encourage you to take things a little less seriously in life, and so fortify the independent mind. But they are notoriously hard to do well.

RADICAL CHIC & MAU-MAUING THE FLAK CATCHERS

by

Tom Wolfe

Wolfe's fourth book consists of two very funny essays, but it wasRadical Chic that particularly thrilled me. It is one of the most brilliantly composed pieces of satire I've ever read—a devastating portrayal of upper-middle-class American liberals.

I studied as a postgraduate at Harvard for a year and I felt like an outsider: an English conservative amidst a mass of Ivy League liberals. It was very different from Oxford. There, a vast range of different political views was always encouraged. At Harvard, the culture of political correctness was oppressive.Radical Chic gave me the reassuring feeling that I wasn't alone in my suspicions of the sort of people I was surrounded by.

As told to Caroline Hutton

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

I was in a restaurant yesterday when I realised I desperately needed to break wind. The sound system was really really loud, so I timed it to coincide with the beat of the music.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I remembered I was listening to my iPod. Luke Russell, Leeds

Afriend is going out with a girl with verythin skin. I don't know what he sees in her.

Melvyn Dover, Weymouth, Dorset

What happens when you immerse the human body in water?

The phone rings.

Sali Thomas, Denbigh, Denbighshire

"I always get the one-or-two-kiss thing wrong. I mean, whatever happened to a click of the heels and a curt nod?"

Doctors can be frustrating, can't they? You wait a month for an appointment and then they shake their heads and say, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

Tracy Davidson, Armscote, Warwickshire

Last night I dreamed I was writing a book called The Lord of the Rings. I was Tolkien in my sleep.

Peter Bacanin, Stoke-on-Trent

I was in a bar when this girl walked up to me and

I accidentally left my electric toothbrush on last night. I've never seen the bathroom so clean

Jack Webb, Bodfari, Denbighshire

asked if my thigh would like a drink. I thought nothing of it and accepted.

Later, she asked if my shin would like to come over to her table for a chat. That was a bit weird, but I went over anyway.

Then she asked if my knee fancied a dance. Finally it dawned on me: she was pulling my leg.

Ben Brown, Bournemouth

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I'm easily lead.

SOLD SHORT

Adverts from an age when women were women and marketing men were chauvinists

"I always try to do my bit for charity.

As a 13-year-old, I took part in a sponsored 24-hour Dungeons & Dragons roleplaying session. Ironically, it was to raise money for children with special needs."

"I used to go out with Pi but I just couldn't find a way to end it."

Steve Hall

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

Cover star Alex James's favourite joke: " 'What's got the bottom at the top? Your leg! Bum bum!' That's my kids' favourite and it never fails to % make me smile".../

People often accuse me of eavesdropping. I don't mind. I just wish they'd have the guts to say it to my face.

Three friends are taking a memory test. The doctor

asks the first man, "What's three times three?"

"274," the first man says.

"Hmm," the doctor replies, then turns to the second man: "What's three times three?"

"Tuesday," the man says.

My wife said she was leaving me because of my lack of vocabulary. I was lost for words

Finally, the doctor turns to the third man and asks, "What's three times three?"

"Nine."

"Great!" the doctor says. "How did you get that?"

"Easy," the man explains. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." Amit Rastogi

M My mate's wife said to him, "Can my mother come down for the weekend?"

He said, "Why?"

She said, "She's been in the loft since Christmas." Kit Wright, London

A Simple Plan

The other day I realisedI can exactly replicate the sound of hitting two coconut shells together simply by riding a horse down a cobbled street.

As a present for his birthday,my dad asked for this book called French for Dummies, which I thought was kind of an offensive book, because it's calling him a dummy.

But that's what he wanted. So I went to the bookshop to buy it, but they didn't have it. All they had was this book calledA / Guide To French. So I bought that and wrote "You Idiot!" on it. In French.

Comedian Paul F Taylor. For details of Faut s lates1 gigs, visit

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BEAT THE CARTOONIST

WIN £200 AND A SIGNED ILLUSTRATION

■ Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the comedy experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-September alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite and if your entry gets the most votes, you'll receive £200 and the original, signed drawing. Submit your captions to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 6 by September 10. You can also enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption. We'll announce the winner in our November issue.

JULY'S WINNER

Judging by the glut of adultery-themed entries, many of you have somewhat jaded world views. They might be a married couple having a meal, you know, or perhaps she's his daughter. Anyhow, John Davies from Telford in Shropshire got the most votes on our website with "Back again so soon, sir? Is this oneyour wife?" Cartoonist Paul Wood trailed in last with "The house wine? I will first need a 25 per cent deposit."

SCOREBOARD

READERS 12 CARTOONISTS 6

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