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Olly Mann reveals that a marble jar is the secret to parenting two young sons ENTERTAINMENT 18
The outspoken TV personality talks about her childhood, challenges, Ozzy and reality shows
“I REMEMBER”: JAMES TAYLOR
The frontman of The Prisoners and the James Taylor Quartet looks back on his life and music
What causes us to swear and what does it say about us and the role of foul language in society? 68 UNUSUAL JOBS
New treatments being developed could finally mean relief for people suffering from acid reflux and heartburn
We talk to a waterslide tester, a statue dresser, a professional cuddler and a zombie trainer 80 THE GREAT UNKNOWN
An unlikely friendship that helped a young boy with a fear of death
Experts give lifestyle tips for you to protect your eye health and vision so you can look to the future with confidence
Exploring Algeria's Neolithic cave paintings with Tuareg nomads
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In this month’s edition of our “Books That Changed My Life” series, we’re shaking things up with a guest who shares a peculiar tie to Reader’s Digest. Chuck Palahniuk is of course the mastermind behind Fight Club—a literary gem that later morphed into the cult film starring Edward Norton and Brad Pitt. Palahniuk’s writing is marked by a penchant for repetition, weaving profound meanings into seemingly mundane phrases. In Fight Club, the disillusioned narrator humorously claims ownership of “Joe’s organs”: “I am Joe’s raging bile duct,” “I am Joe’s grinding teeth.”
Unbeknownst to many, these quirky snippets trace their roots back to a series of articles in Reader’s Digest from the 1970s—an eccentric exploration of the human body’s organs, each with its own tale to tell.
It’s a delightful twist of fate to have Palahniuk grace our pages this month. Flip to p139 to discover his surprising book choices and the insightful reasoning behind them, offering a crash course in literary analysis. Hungry for more? Head to readersdigest.co.uk for the full interview.
Eva eva mackevic Editor-in-Chief
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LETTERS ON THE November ISSUE
We pay £30 for every published letter
I have not picked up a Reader’s Digest for many years now but your cover story on Natalie Portman caught my eye.
As I thumbed through the pages, I found myself slowing down, consuming each page instead of looking immediately for the article on Portman as I normally would. In fact, I had not only read each line of the Contents page, I had also looked through the publisher’s details, the advertisements, the Editor’s Letter, the letters from readers and even the Poetry Corner. I was reading as I had as a child, every word on the page.
Soon—actually, a few hours later—I had read the Reader’s Digest cover to cover, having smirked at some jokes, learned some new developments in the medical and art world, solved some puzzles and wondered about where I could travel next, sustainably.
backalongway.Thestepwellinthe IndianstateofRajasthanwasbuiltinthe ninthcentury,possiblyevenearlier— accordingtolegend,byghostswithina singlenight!Over13floorsonthree sides,atotalof3,500stepsleadtothe waterlevelatadepthofabout65feet. Thefourthsideisoccupiedbyathreestorypavilion,withgalleriessupported bycolumnsandtwoprojecting balconies,whichwasmostlikely reservedsolelyfortheIndianroyal
I suppose that sounds rather ordinary, but in this world inundated with content meant to distract us at every turn, I found myself amazed at how wonderfully captivating Reader’s Digest continues to be. May the publication be like Arthur Devis’s Portrait of a Man, forever in search of its lost other half and always in conversation with us.
KATHLEEN YAO,Singapore
I was so excited to read the article by Richard Glover in November's issue titled “The Triumph Of The Book”. Up until now I had thought myself a lone voice in the wilderness whenever I expressed my preference of the book over digital.
An enthusiastic reader over the last 50 or more years, my bookshelves, like those of Mr Glover's, map my life's journey. Like him, I find it quicker and easier to turn to a page in a book to find something, and to use an "actual bookmark" as opposed to just bookmarking a digital page.
When I look at my groaning bookshelves, I recall happy times of this bookshop in Norfolk on my way to meet my sister or that bookshop in Rochester when I was spending a few days there. Or my books handed down to me from my mother and grandmother (I come from a long line of avid readers, and it continues with my own children and grandchildren).
I totally agree with Richard Glover about the smell and feel of books and the excitement of seeing notes pencilled in the margin. Having said all that, I have one point to make in the favour of digital reading. Owning a Kindle enabled my mother to carry on reading independently when she became too ill and frail to hold a heavier book, and for that I am grateful.
HELEN NOYES, South London
I devoured your article, “Dementia Breakthroughs Offer New Hope”. It was like a breath of fresh air. My mother has recently been diagnosed with dementia. I knew in my heart that she had the illness, but she herself thought she was fine. So it was difficult to persuade her to visit the memory clinic at the local hospital. It wasn’t just a case of her memory worsening, but her character and behaviour had started to change. She eventually agreed to go, but even now, with the diagnosis, she still doesn’t think she has it. I feel as if I’m heartless, trying to stick the label of dementia on her. But I didn’t want her condition to deteriorate and it be left too late before she obtained help. I’ve tried to tell her that I actually want her to live her life as fully as possible and hopefully, now she’s on medication, she’ll be able to do that for some time.
So your article gave me muchneeded hope. New advancements are being made all the time, and there’s also more help for caregivers. I’m about to go on a course run by the memory clinic, and it’s great to know there are memory cafes and dementia-friendly days run by public places. Thank you.
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Endangered species have been brought to mind by our King’s new collection of coins, you will find.
A dormouse, red squirrel and puffin are there, and bees are another for which we must care.
Three acorns together with three oak tree leaves remind us how important are all of our trees.
River pollution is affecting our fish— Atlantic salmon may soon not be a dish.
Capercaillie is there—they once were extinct and now once again are back on the brink.
Our nation’s floral emblems bring the set to a close: daffodil, shamrock, thistle and rose.
The new coins remind us that conservation’s the word we all should be shouting, so let it be heard!
Deep amid my conscious there is a life in me
Perceiving what's about every smile just things I see
While my frothy coffee cools in Emily's cafe I search the people's faces wonder how they're doin today
Young girls mimic busy bees and try their best to please They serve with haste all intent on putting us at ease
Friends meet up to chit-chat about the day before There's plans to make for businessmen trying to make a score
Some customers come with troubles to ponder in their head
A worry or a cross word that someone loved had said
But here the river's calm for now and worries drift away Hearts been lifted up again we're ready for the day
To celebrate the rich legacy of Reader's Digest, we share some of your most cherished, humorous and nostalgic memories of the magazine...
My father always subscribed to the Reader's Digest in America when we were there as children and when we moved back to Britain. My favourite article was always “I Am Joe's” and then would follow a part of Joe's body—kidney, liver, heart, lungs, brain. I would always quote from this to anyone who would listen.
To this day I still remember some of the information that was provided in these articles. Because Joe was like a real person to me—I cared what was happening to him and I think that the information given through the articles resonated more. My sisters used to joke about my obsession with Joe's health problems, and I am sure that he probably bred a nation of people who worried about what was happening in their bodies, but it made you think about how we treated our body and what was going on in it by focusing on different parts of it each month. I think later on Joe was joined by Jane for a women's perspective on health as well.
I think that the Reader's Digest has always covered health issues in an easy-to-understand style and shows us what new medicines, etc, are being worked on. Do you know who my favourite is in Reader's Digest now? Dr Max, of course. He is very understanding and patient in his articles and once again I can quote from my Reader's Digest on health issues.
MELANIE BURGESS, Ceredigion, Wales
Larger than life! The Sapporo Snow Festival began life in 1950 when high school students showed off six snow sculptures they had made. Members of Japan´s Self-Defence Forces have participated since 1955. Today the festival attracts more than 2 million visitors from around the world. They come to admire hundreds of sculptures of up to 50 feet high scattered across three different parks in Hokkaido Prefecture’s capital city in early February. At night many of the exhibits are colourfully illuminated.
Olly Mann's insights into the challenges and strategies of parenting two young sons
Olly Mann is a presenter for Radio 4, and the podcasts The Modern Mann, The Week Unwrapped and Today in History with the Retrospectors
I’m aware that occasionally in this column I’ve made it seem as if I have an idyllic relationship with my kids. That I’ve written a little too often about how joyful it is to walk them to school, expand their imaginations at the library or stand with them aside a train track and point at the locomotives. That they’ve taught me so much. That it’s all been life-affirming.
So, let me be clear: parenting two young boys is unbelievably stressful, and a lot of the time they are utter jerks. They are nearly constantly hitting each other, moaning, making stupid noises, winding each other up, mooning at me, jumping on the sofa, jumping on the dog, rolling their eyes, spitting, kicking, whingeing, crying and completely ignoring me.
Actually, it’s not even what they do that’s irritating, but what they don’t do, despite me pleading with them until my throat is hoarse: wash their hands, put their shoes on, brush their teeth, do their homework…
And those cute photos I’ve posted to social media, portraying them as cherubs?
Pure PR. Sure, there may have been the odd "Kodak Moment" for which they paused to stroke a farm animal, stroll through the forest or play pooh-sticks, but believe me: behind the scenes we’ve had to frogmarch them back to the car because they’ve jumped in a puddle, lost a welly in the mud and collapsed on the floor in hysterics because the gift shop was closed.
With two children under seven, you come to accept this way of life,
easy to keep behaving appallingly, yet still appear relatively grown-up by comparison.
That said, there are signs that he wants to change; that he himself feels he is on the cusp of being a Big Boy, and is simply struggling to suppress the disruptive instincts that motivate him to misbehave. After all, his baby teeth are falling out. He can now concentrate sufficiently to watch full-length David Attenborough programmes.
on the presumption that, at some point, this supposedly "cute phase" will end. Indeed, misty-eyed parents of smartphone-addicted teens urge you to appreciate these early years, before your offspring treat you solely as a taxi service, start up their own OnlyFans, and have no ostensible interest in whether you live or die.
But now our older one, Harvey, is about to turn eight; an age by which he really should be able to sit in a restaurant without scrambling under the table, walk round a supermarket without having a tantrum in the toy aisle, and get out the car without running into oncoming traffic. We’re not there yet. I suspect this is mainly because of his younger sibling: when you have a four-year-old brother, it’s
He "knows" about Santa.
In the old days, this would presumably be the moment to pack him off to boarding school with a tuck box and laundry bag, so a moustachioed military man could paddle some common sense into him. Fortunately, we are in the new days, and thus it has become necessary for my wife and I to spend our evenings desperately brainstorming how we might nudge him encouragingly towards more bearable behaviour.
Bribery, obviously, was our first port of call: we got one of those magnetic "star charts" and stuck it up on the kitchen wall. A simple enough concept: seven days of consecutive good behaviour equals a Hot Wheels dinky toy. The problem was that
once the toy had been achieved, Harvey had no particular motivation to be pleasant: his objective fulfilled, the next toy was evidently too distant a goal to aim at.
I turned to my friend Ben, an educational psychologist, to ask if there was a way of simply talking Harvey into better behaviour. It turned out there is, but it involves sitting down with him for 30 minutes each time he misbehaves and reviewing his anger control. Thirty minutes! To discuss emotional intelligence with a child! Ugh, I’d require some sort of star system myself to endure it…
So, in the end, we’ve duplicated what they use in his class at school: a "marble jar". If he, for example, tidies up after dinner, or walks home without giving his brother a wedgie, a marble is added to the
jar. If he refuses to go to bed, or lobs a half-eaten banana at me, he loses a marble. When the jar is full, he gets a treat of his choice.
This system, we’ve found, has the advantage of being adaptable for both praise and punishment. There are benefits for us, too: when he’s being a total nuisance, I hesitate to admit, I take a small amount of vindictive pleasure from removing a marble and seeing him get more upset (not a healthy emotion on my part, to be sure, but perhaps better than shouting in his face).
The key, obviously, is to ensure we praise his achievements so that each one is celebrated, until they (hopefully) become second nature. I’m optimistic this can be enshrined by the time he is nine…so then we’ll just have the little one to worry about. Right? n
The largest of England's National Parks (2,362 km2), the Lake District inspired and led to the creation of the conservation movement and the National Trust
It's home to England's highest mountain, Scafell Pike (3,209 feet above sea level) and also the deepest lake, Wastwater (260 feet)
Although there are 16 main "lakes", only one is official: Bassenthwaite Lake. The others are "meres" or "waters"
SOURCE: LAKEDISTRICT.GOV.UK
The notoriously outspoken TV personality on her childhood, facelifts and her beloved husband, Ozzy
Promising to reveal all about her most eventful of lives, Sharon Osbourne is taking to stages in London and Birmingham with a show she’s calling Cut the Crap. It’s not just an attention-grabbing title. It’s also one of her mantras.
“And especially here,” Osbourne tells me down the phone from the Los Angeles home she and her legendary rockstar husband Ozzy are in the process of vacating. “People talk so much crap in America.”
Is that why the couple, who have been married for 41 sometimes
rocky years, are moving to Buckinghamshire, where they have a Grade II listed bolthole? “No, because after all these years I’m used to it, but they do speak such rubbish,” says Sharon, who has spent more than two decades in California.
She’s not a fan of people expressing every single thought and feeling and using phrases like “I feel this” and “my truth”. I can’t see her face but I imagine this most nononsense of women is grimacing as she rants: “It’s all so f*****g precious, isn’t it? All these clichéd lines. Oh, please shut up!”.
By the time you’re reading this, Sharon and Ozzy will have moved back to Britain and she’ll barely have time to unpack before the shows, where she’ll be “live and uncensored on stage” as she is interviewed about everything from drunken fights with her husband and his infidelity to her cancer battle and ongoing struggles with mental health issues.
She’ll then be opening it up to questions from the audience and the always-candid 71-year-old promises no topic is off the table. “Everything is an open book,” she says, her distinct English accent unaltered by all that time in the States. “I’ve always shared everything. If
anybody asks, I’ll tell them the truth.”
Where, I wonder aloud, does that breathtaking honesty come from?
“It’s just the way that I am. I’m very confrontational but I don’t hold grudges. I say what I feel and then, you know, I’m still your friend. But I can’t help myself. It’s like a kind of Tourette’s. It just comes out.”
Sharon
Revisiting her past is more cathartic than traumatic and if anyone asks about Ozzy’s cheating on her (he had an affair with his hairdresser in 2016) she’ll answer candidly “because it helps other people who are going through something similar, doesn’t it?”. The businesswoman who
The Osbournes — (L-R) Jack, Sharon, Ozzy and Kelly, back in 2003
masterminded the family’s wartsand-all reality show The Osbournes adds of Ozzy’s transgression: “It’s no secret at all. It’s not like a dirty thing that we hide in the closet.” As to why she stuck with him, Sharon simply states: “It’s because I love him and I understand him and I understand who he is.”
The mental health issues that she’s always been equally honest about came to a head a couple of years ago when she was fired from the daytime CBS show The Talk after defending Piers Morgan for derogatory remarks about Meghan Markle. Co-host Sheryl Underwood accused her of being racist and Sharon was let go.
I’M CONFRONTATIONAL BUT I DON’T HOLD GRUDGES—I SAY WHAT I FEEL BUT I’M STILL YOUR FRIEND
“I was completely in shell shock that I could be accused of being something I’m absolutely not,” she recalls, sounding sad rather than angry, “and that it came from people who I’d worked for for ten-and-ahalf years. And whatever you say, it kind of gets you deeper in a hole. I was blacklisted, which they say
doesn’t exist in America because it’s against the law. But oh my God, it exists.”
Sharon says she had ketamine injections to help her get through the fallout. “And I’ll always have to be medicated [for her mental health] but my family were 100 per cent behind me. I needed to dump it and get it gone, because it’s so bad to carry hostility and resentment with you. I just wanted to wake up and not feel that pain, and it took a lot of work but I did it. Now I can talk about it without crying.”
Born and raised in London, Sharon Rachel Levy was “a very naughty child” who was always getting into trouble at school for laughing, not doing her homework and going against her parents’ wishes. It’s perhaps no wonder, then, that she’d end up with Birmingham’s rock ‘n’ roll bad boy and Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne, although the attraction wasn’t instant. Her father Don Arden managed the band and Sharon met Ozzy in the early 1970s. “But I was quite shy. I’d make myself be heard and noticed but not really with guys. It wasn’t like my number one thing in life was to get a boyfriend.”
It was only after her father ousted Ozzy from Black Sabbath, due to his substance abuse, that Sharon became both his manager and his lover, tying the knot in Hawaii in
1982. She’s since recounted stories about a marriage shaken and stirred by drink, drugs and violence. “But there’s been so many happy times too. That’s why we got through the dark times. He has a wicked personality and he’s great fun, very generous and warm-hearted.” She pauses. “But when he had a drink, forget it.”
I’D
It was her idea to do a reality series featuring herself, Ozzy and their kids Kelly and Jack (Aimee opted out) after they proved a hit on MTV’s Cribs show. “It was only meant to be for three weeks but it ended up running for three years,” she says of a smash-hit that spawned the likes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Does she feel the Kardashian clan pinched her concept? “No, because it’s a total different thing. Their show is a lot about fashion and beauty and boyfriends. Ours wasn’t about any of that.” Instead, The Osbournes was about swearing profusely, throwing meat into noisy neighbours’ gardens, Ozzy falling off his quad bike and family pets behaving badly.
Amid all this mayhem came Sharon’s diagnosis for colon cancer and the gruelling treatment she went through before she beat it. She insisted the show stay on the air “to take my mind off my medical situation and to give me something else to think about”.
She and Ozzy are moving back to the UK for various reasons, including the rise in gun crime and the state of the Californian economy. Not surprisingly, they’re doing a documentary about the move and being back in the homeland means they can also be hands-on with an Ozzy Osbourne museum of memorabilia that will be attached to a music school in Birmingham.
Sharon will be a long way from the
surgeons who have nipped and tucked her but she insists she’s done with facelifts. “The last one that I had didn’t go well and I had to go to another doctor to have it redone. At this age it’s like, ‘Oh God, give it a rest’.”
If people want to ask about it in her January shows, that’s fine. She has no time for celebrities who deny they’ve had work done. “So many times you read, ‘I have this new cream’ or ‘I have these exercises I do on my neck and chin’. I hear that and I’m like, ‘Just tell the truth!’”. n
Sharon Osbourne: Cut The Crap is at the Fortune Theatre, London, on January 21 and The Alexandra, Birmingham, on January 24. For tickets, go to sharonosbournelive.co.uk
James Taylor (59) is one of Britain’s most cherished and in demand jazz, soul, groove and funk musicians. Beginning his career with the garage and mod-influenced band The Prisoners over 40 years ago, he went on to form his eponymous Quartet group, who have contributed to the Austin Powers film soundtrack, collaborated with U2, Tom Jones and the Manic Street Preachers, and released over 25 studio albums
I GREW UP IN THE MEDWAY TOWNS IN KENT IN THE 1960S and my earliest memory is of sitting on a red counter top in my parents' kitchen. I must have been about three and I recall just feeling so happy, being in a family where there was so much love and laughter. I suppose that’s what I’ve been searching for ever since; to regain that feeling I had when I used to sit on that red counter.
I WAS SENT TO A SHACK ON A MOUNTAIN somewhere in the Lake District when I was 11 by my
grammar school on a trip organised by the Christian Union. It was utter and absolute hell. I remember being told I was evil for not going along with the wailing and singing and praying that was going on. I just sat outside and refused to be part of it. The whole experience was incredibly traumatic and a lot of boys who were with me were deeply scarred by the • JANUARY 2024
experience. From that day on I was a changed person and I definitely went off the rails for quite a few years.
I BECAME A BIT OF A BAD BOY but I was sent to Coventry by the gang of lads I fell in with at school. They refused to speak to me and I got a really savage beating one day. I didn’t have a friend in the universe
Taylor had a loving family but had a hard time at school
so I guess I really retreated to my bedroom for a while. I would listen to Billy Childish’s first group The Pop Rivets and then to Bach. Two very, very different types of music but both were equally important. I’d lost my gang and music took over. The preludes and fugues of Bach were such an incredible solace for me at that time. It’s been such a backbone
of joy and beauty for me ever since that day until now. Both those artists, Billy and Bach, say the same thing to me, which is, basically, "live life".
MY MATE JOHNNY WAS ON THAT AWFUL CHRISTIAN MOUNTAIN TRIP with me but we had drifted apart. He got back in touch to ask if
Music was Taylor's new gang, joining The Prisoners
I’d come for a rehearsal with his band The Prisoners. Playing organ with them for the first time felt like my life turning from black and white into colour. It was just glorious. I was back in a gang again with the group and there’s something about being in a quartet that really works for me. I had three brothers and both of the bands I’ve been in have had three others. It’s just a shape and dynamic that really works for me. Being one of four is a nice place to be.
WE WERE 18 YEARS OLD when we got brutally searched for drugs by Italian immigration officers while The Prisoners were on tour. It made me think about boundaries and it gave me a shaky feeling near border crossings that lasted for years. We even had the Stasi search us when we played a gig in East Germany! Brexit has broken my heart in its desire to ramp up borders again. A country is just someone’s idea. It’s something that’s always been in a state of flux. Europe’s beauty and togetherness has been smashed to bits by Brexit and it’s made life incredibly difficult again for jobbing musicians wanting to tour as well.
THE PRISONERS BROKE UP because, to be honest, we weren’t really getting anywhere. Not long after, I went into a studio and recorded a little seven inch single called "Blow Up", which is a Herbie Hancock tune that was featured in the 1960s film with David Hemmings. It only cost £30 to make but John Peel picked it up and played the hell out of it every night for months during 1987. He was the man who made it possible for me, and lots of other people, to make a living out of being a full-time musician. He never played any other tracks that I made subsequently but playing that one track was enough. I’m forever
grateful to him and, to me, he was such a huge force for good.
I REMEMBER DOING A GIG IN ROME in 1990 and a friend of mine told me that he wanted me to see something. We went in a cab to St Peter’s Square at about 1am. I couldn’t believe the majesty and scale of this space that held so many people. I’m not a born again Christian but I do pray and seeing the square really had an impact on me. It was a moment that, for me, was the culmination of my understanding that God is good but man can be bad, which I witnessed on that awful camping trip. Life is a struggle between good and evil. Morality is real and this moment in Rome now feels, for me, like one of the great civilising influences in my life.
MY FATHER HAD ALZHEIMER’S for ten years before he died in 2013 and, ridiculous as it sounds, I never, for a second, considered the fact that he would die. I always had this belief that he could get through it somehow. So when he did die, it was an intensely difficult time. I took my grieving very seriously and it resulted in a huge creative push. I ended up writing a piece of music which was recorded with the Rochester Cathedral Choir called The Rochester Mass. That was my tribute to my father and, for me, it shows the power of music to take a set of terrible feelings and turn them into beautiful ones.
RECORDING IN STUDIO TWO OF ABBEY ROAD for the Electric Black album that the James Taylor Quartet
made was one of my biggest thrills. I was literally jumping up and down with joy while we worked and played in there. It’s where the Beatles recorded almost every record they ever made and the history of the place is practically dripping from the walls. The ghosts of the past feel very present there.
MY DAUGHTER ISABELLA WAS AN ACTRESS FOR A TIME and I remember seeing her in a production of Vincent in Brixton, the play about Van Gogh’s time living in South London. Her role required a lot of anger and I loved the way she used her stage presence in the same way I attack my Hammond organ on stage; both of us let our demons fly
in that way! I was so proud of her that night.
MY WIFE MARGARITA FELL DOWN IN THE KITCHEN ONE MORNING IN 2020 and it turned out she had suffered a massive brain haemorrhage. It was in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic and I remember her lying on this tiny, narrow bed in this hospital ward that was really only set up for people who had Covid. I was told by the doctors that I should tell her anything important I wanted to say as she might not survive. I remember Margarita telling me how scared she was. But incredibly, she survived and she’s doing ever so well. That experience was my version of being Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. Her survival felt like both of us were being given a second chance. I realised then that, for the rest of my life, all I want to do is to give all the love I have away to those that I care about. And to always, always be grateful for what I have. n
James Taylor Quartet perform with a full orchestra at The Barbican, London on April 2, 2024. His band The Prisoners are reforming for a special one-off show at London’s Camden Roundhouse on May 24, 2024
A variety of new treatments could finally mean relief from acid refluxBY Lisa Fields
Murali Bharadwaj of London learned what sparked his discomfort: gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), a chronic condition caused by stomach acid repeatedly rising into his oesophagus. Whenever Bharadwaj drank beer or ate late in the evening, he experienced symptoms.
“The acid reflux meant I couldn’t focus on the present moment, in meetings, playing sports or having social drinks with my friends,” says the now 41-year-old. “My thoughts always went to the burning sensation in my throat.”
He began taking medication called proton pump inhibitors (PPIs) to lower the acidity in his stomach. It helped, but only a little. In 2021, his doctor suggested a procedure to strengthen his lower oesophageal sphincter, the valve between the stomach and oesophagus. Bharadwaj was sceptical, but when he learned that transoral incisionless fundoplication (TIF) didn’t involve invasive surgery—it’s performed
endoscopically through the mouth and oesophagus—he decided to try it.
In TIF, a small portion of the upper stomach is folded over the bottom of the oesophagus and stapled in place. After the procedure, Bharadwaj says his quality of life improved, and he no longer needed to take PPIs as often.
“I used to take them once per day, minimum, sometimes twice,” he explains. “Since the procedure, it’s been just three times per week. I get acid reflux sometimes, but it’s way more manageable—less frequent and less intense.”
GastroesophaGeal reflux disease (also known as chronic acid reflux) affects up to 25 per cent of Europeans, around 12 per cent of Australians and 23 per cent of people in South America, according to a 2018 American study. When stomach acid repeatedly enters the oesophagus, it can change the delicate tissue, which over time can lead to bleeding or ulcers.
Complications may include narrowing of the passage due to repeated healing and scar formation, which can make swallowing difficult, or Barrett’s oesophagus—permanent changes in the lower oesophagus lining that, in very rare cases, can lead to cancer.
Many people experience occasional acid reflux, perhaps after overindulging in alcohol or certain foods. The vast majority of people will never see a doctor about it, says Dr Arjan Bredenoord, gastroenterologist at University Medical Centres Amsterdam. And that’s OK, because “bothersome symptoms can be managed with lifestyle adjustments or over-the-counter antacids,” he says.
But GERD is different. It happens when people experience heartburn, regurgitation, chronic cough, hoarseness or chest pain three or more times a week. People with GERD often also have a hiatal hernia—when part of the upper stomach pokes through the diaphragm muscle in the chest, making it easier for stomach contents to enter the oesophagus.
“The symptoms of GERD are typically heartburn and regurgitation,” says Dr Edoardo Savarino, assistant professor of gastroenterology at the University of Padua in Italy. “So when you have these two symptoms, it’s likely that you have reflux disease.”
Doctors may diagnose GERD after performing an upper endoscopy to
examine the oesophagus. If it looks normal, other tests may be offered, including catheter-based pH-impedance monitoring or a wireless pH test. Proper diagnosis is necessary because if it isn’t GERD, treatments for GERD won’t help (for example, if the problem is actually dyspepsia, commonly known as indigestion; an ulcer; or gastroparesis, when the stomach empties into the small intestine too slowly).
Ten per cent of GERD sufferers will develop Barrett’s esophagus. “With Barrett’s, you need to get an endoscopy every two or three years to see if there are any changes, because you can treat it early,” says Dr Rami Sweis, a gastroenterologist with University College Hospital in London who advises the nonprofit Guts UK. If any pre-cancer or cancer is detected, he says, treatment can be provided through the endoscope.
When doctors diagnose GERD, they usually prescribe PPIs, medication that suppresses acid production within the stomach. H2 blockers, another type of acid suppressor, are prescribed less often because they are less effective.
“In reflux, gastric acid comes up into the oesophagus and causes symptoms or lesions,” says Dr Jan Tack, gastrointestinal (GI) disorders researcher at KU Leuven in Belgium. “So controlling acid makes a big difference for the majority of patients, and apparently does not have a negative effect on the digestive process.”
Doctors also recommend lifestyle changes to discourage stomach acid from entering the oesophagus. They include refraining from eating between two and four hours before bedtime, sleeping with your head elevated (wedge pillows are specially designed to relieve GERD; they go underneath your regular pillow), avoiding tight-fitting clothing and losing weight.
“In perhaps 75 per cent of patients with reflux, treatment with lifestyle changes plus medication are absolutely successful,” says Dr Sebastian Schoppmann, head of the upper GI department at Medical University of Vienna.
Some GERD patients seek other kinds of treatment because medication doesn’t always improve their symptoms well enough, as with Bharadwaj, or it has some unwanted side effects.
The good news is that the number of GERD treatments has grown in recent years. “The reason there are more and more treatment choices is that no one thing is perfect for everyone,” says Dr Paul Goldsmith, an upper GI surgeon at Manchester University NHS Foundation Trust. Here are some of those options.
Fundoplication is the most common treatment to strengthen the valve between the oesophagus and stomach. It is performed
laparoscopically, meaning that open surgery (when one large incision is made) can usually be avoided. The surgeon makes several small incisions in the abdomen and inserts the tools and a camera. The hiatal hernia is corrected by returning the upper stomach to its place below the diaphragm. Next, the uppermost portion of the stomach is wrapped around the valve, which strengthens its ability to stay closed—reducing the risk of stomach acid rising into the oesophagus.
In the past, surgeons mostly performed a 360-degree stomach wrap, but that was often too tight; as a result food didn’t move down the oesophagus as easily, and some patients had difficulty belching or vomiting. Some also had trouble swallowing food. Today, surgeons can perform one of several partial wraps, such as a 270 or 180 degrees, which improve GERD symptoms without causing more discomfort.
Dr Radu Tutuian, chief of gastroenterology at Civic Hospital Solothurn in Switzerland, recalls treating a Swiss man in his sixties with heartburn, regurgitation and a chronic cough. After he underwent fundoplication, most of his GERD symptoms faded, although he had trouble swallowing and was not able to eat full meals during recovery.
“For a couple of weeks he was very uncomfortable,” Tutuian says. “But he said, ‘I don’t want to go back to
how I was before, to my reflux and the cough.’ He felt better and no longer needed to take PPIs. So his goals were met.”
Appropriate for people with small hiatal hernias, this is a version of fundoplication that surgeons perform endoscopically, placing a camera and tools through the mouth and oesophagus to the upper stomach. A barrier is created at the lower oesophageal sphincter by folding a portion of the upper stomach over itself and stapling it in place.
Tack was involved in a study of the treatment that was published in 2015 in the journal Alimentary Pharmacology and Therapeutics. He says 59 per cent of the patients who had TIF did not experience GERD symptoms for six months afterwards (the end point of the study) and were able to stop taking PPI medication.
For this endoscopic procedure, surgeons insert a camera and catheter via the mouth and oesophagus to deliver radiofrequency energy to the oesophageal wall near the stomach opening.
“The idea is that, over time, it strengthens the sphincter muscle,” Tack says. “There is evidence, based on measurements of pressure in the sphincter, that it has an anti-reflux
effect. However, it is not really a huge effect and does not match the efficacy of fundoplication.”
A band of magnetic titanium beads is placed around the lower oesophageal sphincter during this laparoscopic procedure. The magnetic force among the beads helps to tighten the valve, discouraging stomach acid from entering the oesophagus. When you eat, the force of swallowing moves the beads apart, and food passes easily from oesophagus to stomach.
Whereas most other GERD procedures are irreversible, the LINX device can later be removed if needed. And a hiatal hernia can be repaired during the procedure.
Years ago, there were problems with the device, as the beads migrated from where they were implanted. But newer versions of the device fit better and are lighter, so that risk is substantially reduced.
During this laparoscopic procedure, which is done under general anaesthetic, surgeons repair a hiatal hernia, then place a spherical device the size of a ping-pong ball into the upper stomach—the area that may contribute to the reflux—to bulk it up. The procedure is reversible.
“It restores our anatomy to the way it was before we were suffering from reflux,” Goldsmith says.
For many people, certain foods or drinks cause reflux, especially acidic and fried foods, caffeine, carbonated beverages and alcohol. Common “trigger foods” are pizza, sausages, cheese, tomatoes, citrus fruits, chocolate, peppermint and anything containing chilli peppers or black pepper. Avoiding your triggers may minimise symptoms.
How much you eat, and when, may also impact your symptoms, according to Dr Radu Tutuian of the Civic Hospital Solothurn in Switzerland. Having smaller meals and not eating late in the evening may ease symptoms.
RefluxStop is the newest GERD treatment, and researchers have only two to three years’ worth of safety data. It may appeal to people who worry that tightening the lower oesophageal sphincter could cause swallowing difficulties.
the benefits of GERD therapies don’t necessarily last forever. “This is soft tissue that moves,” Sweis says—for example, when you swallow. So, the new structure might change over a period of time.
After five or ten years, some patients need to go back to PPIs if their symptoms return. “Therapy for your GERD does not necessarily guarantee that you’re going to have 30 years of proton-pump-inhibitor-free life,” says Dr Ian Gralnek, chief of gastroenterology at Emek Medical
Centre in Afula, Israel, and president of the European Society of Gastrointestinal Endoscopy.
Within a few years, European doctors may be able to prescribe potassium-competitive acid blockers (P-CABs) to treat GERD. The medication, which has been approved in Japan and Korea, is more effective than PPIs at neutralising stomach acid. “The suppression of the gastric acidity is longer,” Savarino says. “With PPIs, you have to take them one hour before a meal. But with P-CABs, you can take them even if you have just eaten.”
Another possible therapy may alleviate symptoms in a novel way. “Some researchers are looking at strengthening oesophageal lining, which would make it less sensitive,” Tack says. “This is an avenue of further research.” n
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Can you find all the film stars in our wordsearch grid? One of them cannot be found and will be your prize answer. Words can run in straight lines in any direction, cross them off as you find them – simply write the missing word you have remaining on the entry form or enter online. See page 151.
We watch our salt and fat intake to protect our hearts. We exercise and take calcium to protect our bones. We slather on sunscreen to protect our skin. But what can we do to protect our eyes, all year round? A lot. We asked experts what lifestyle steps people should be taking to protect their vision and eye health.
“Protecting the eyes from ultraviolet light—sunlight—is very important,” says Dr Esen Akpek, an ophthalmology professor at Johns Hopkins University in the United States. “It’s one of the biggest things in our environment to have an impact on the eyes. Ultraviolet
light has been shown to have an effect on cataract development and macular degeneration.”
To shield your eyes, wear sunglasses certified to block out 99 to 100 per cent of UVA and UVB light. Surprisingly, dark lenses aren’t necessarily the most protective. “In fact, if the lenses are dark but not UV-protected, that’s worse for your eyes, because when you’re looking through dark lenses your pupils dilate, which lets more UV light inside to do damage,” says Akpek.
You don’t have to be doing construction work or factory work to need protective eyewear. Gardening, yardwork, home repairs and sports all pose the risk of trauma to the eye. It’s estimated that up to 90 per cent
of sports-related eye injuries are actually preventable with proper eye protection. Experts recommend wearing sports or safety glasses with polycarbonate lenses, which is a type of plastic that will not easily shatter or break.
“I see people who’ve been gardening, leaned forward and got poked in the eye by a branch,” says Dr Davinder Grover, an ophthalmologist at Glaucoma Associates of Texas. “And sometimes lawn mowers cause objects like stones to hit you in the eye.”
According to a 2022 review article published in the journal Heliyon, there’s no scientific evidence that the light from electronic screens damages eyes. But staring at a screen can leave eyes fatigued and may blur vision.
Experts suggest following the 20-2020 rule: Every 20 minutes, take a break and look at something about 20 feet away for 20 seconds.
One reason for eye fatigue during screen use is that people tend to blink less when staring at computer screens, and that can lead to dryness. “One of the best ways to prevent that is hydration—drinking four or five glasses of water a day,” says Grover. “If you still feel your eyes are dry or getting tired, or your vision is occasionally blurred, use lubricating eye drops.”
Research shows that foods rich in vitamin C, vitamin E, zinc, lutein, zeaxanthin and omega-3 fatty acids are linked to lower risk for agerelated macular degeneration, cataracts and maybe even dry eye. Getting these nutrients from whole foods rather than from supplements is best.
) For omega-3 fatty acids, look for fish like salmon, tuna and halibut.
) For lutein and zeaxanthin, eat dark leafy greens like spinach, kale and collard greens.
) For vitamin C, go for citrus, strawberries, tomatoes, sweet peppers and broccoli.
) For vitamin E, choose peanuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, avocado, pumpkin and asparagus.
) For zinc, good sources are beef, fortified cereals and oysters.
First, the obvious: smoking isn’t just bad for your lungs, it can harm eyes. “Smoking is terrible,” says Akpek. “It causes dry eyes, makes thyroid eye disease worse and correlates with severe macular degeneration.” Smoking also increases the risk of cataracts and can even harm the optic nerve.
Also, try not to rub your eyes. “Rubbing makes inflammation worse,” says Akpek. “The more you rub, the more itchy your eyes will get. And rubbing has been linked to thinning and bulging of the cornea. It can lead to infections.” Instead, “take medication or use drops for allergies or dry eye,” says Grover.
Indoor heating and air conditioning can dry out the air—and the eyes. Outdoor cold and wind can be drying, too, while pollution and allergens can cause irritation. In addition to lubricating eye drops, “air purifiers and humidifiers are our friends,” says Akpek.
FINALLY, don’t forget to see an eye specialist for a checkup regularly, if possible. Not all eye problems are noticeable, and all are best treated when found early. For most people, unless there are problems, that means having your eyes tested by an optometrist or health care provider every one to two years. n
Strategies that could take years off your age and help you live a longer, healthier life
Susannah
Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature
Up to 60 per cent of the human body is water and it’s crucial for survival. By keeping yourself well hydrated, you will look and feel better and have improved health. Your skin will benefit, as toxins will be flushed through your kidneys rather than through your epidermis. Water lubricates your joints, helps maintain blood pressure, aids digestion, and keeps your kidneys healthy and your brain functioning properly. Opt for water over fizzy drinks to help with weight control, and instead of alcohol, which ages skin, body and brain.
If you think puffing on a vape rather than an unhealthy cigarette will help you stay young, think again. E-cigarettes contain nicotine, which restricts your ability to heal. Nicotine, together with chemicals in vapes, can cause collagen, which keeps your skin plump and young looking, to break down. What’s more, vaping can cause free radicals to form. These can cause cells to stop working
sooner, potentially causing wrinkles and premature skin ageing.
Holding your shoulders back will instantly make you look younger and more confident. More importantly, it improves your balance and helps guard against falls, which are a serious hazard as you age. Keep your head level and in line with your body and pull in your abdomen.
Spikes in blood sugar can cause inflammation, speed up the ageing process and lead to type 2 diabetes. But taking exercise after you’ve eaten can help avoid those peaks. Even a short walk or a spot of housework is useful, according to pioneering health science company Zoe.
Having something that gets you up in the morning can help you live longer. This was the finding of a 2019 University of Michigan study of around 7,000 Americans over 50. Participants with low life purpose were more likely to die sooner. So volunteer, look after the
grandchildren, write that book—just make sure you’re always aiming for something in life.
Perspiring during physical activity is a sign you’re working out hard enough to improve your cardiovascular health. Exercise itself has been shown to have anti-ageing effects. In 2018, researchers from Birmingham University and King’s College London found that fit cyclists over 55 had not lost as much muscle mass or strength as a group who didn’t engage in regular physical activity. They also had less body fat and lower cholesterol, and a younger immune system.
American psychologist Professor Ellen Langer conducted an experiment in which she asked a group of older men to live in a house retrofitted to 20 years previously and to live as if they were two decades younger. At the end of the five-day retreat, they were found to have better vision, hearing, memory and grip strength. They even looked younger and had lessened symptoms of arthritis. n
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Having too many choices can be paralysing and cause anxiety, but you can overcome decidophobia
Cut back your decisions Shall I, shan’t I? When you’re feeling overwhelmed with possibilities, it’s often easier to do nothing. That’s not a long-term solution, so try to focus on the really important issues and avoid sweating the small stuff. Be organised in your daily life—decide what you’re going to wear the night before, eat the same breakfast every day, know when you’re going to do certain chores. That cuts down the number of options you have to weigh at any one time.
Make it manageable Follow a series of steps. First, write down the pros and cons of different options. Consider how you feel about them, rather than simply the number of points for and against. Discard all but the three or four most realistic courses of action. Next, gather information that will help with the decision, then seek advice from just a few people. It’s often helpful if they’re independent, rather than friends or family.
Set deadlines To avoid decision paralysis, set yourself a firm but realistic date by which you need to have picked your preferred option.
This will also prevent you going down rabbit holes.
Get perspective Ask yourself what someone whose judgement you respect—a wise boss, a great teacher, your father—would have said or done in the same situation.
Sleep on it When you think you’ve come to the right conclusion, take a holiday or even just a day to think about something different before you actually commit.
Trust yourself Making a decision is scary, but you’re the one who knows yourself best. To give yourself confidence, list the decisions you’ve made in the past that have worked out well and consider whether choices you consider bad were really that disastrous.
Seek help If decidophobia is having a significant effect on your mental health, consider cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which can help counter the negative thought processes and facilitate more healthy ways of approaching problems. n
Dr Max on the importance of being there for people when illness strikes
We’ve all done it. A friend has some dreadful news— they’re seriously unwell or they’ve been bereaved, for example—and we mean to call them, we really do. But, well, life gets in the way and before we know it, it’s weeks later. It would look bad to call now. You’ll drop them a note. Or maybe pop in to see them. But again, before you know it, the weeks have turned into
Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full-time in mental health for the NHS. His new book, The Marvellous Adventure of Being Human, is out now
months. It becomes awkward so you do what humans do so often: bury your head in the sand. You ignore it, telling yourself that other people will have stepped in. If you get in touch now it’ll be too late and embarrassing and you’ll look like you don’t care, so instead you just drag your heels even more, hoping that it will all get smoothed over somehow. Before you know it you’ve effectively stepped away from someone at precisely the time they needed you.
This chain of events is more common than you might realise. One poor lady I saw a few months back had been bereaved after her husband died from multiple sclerosis, only to be diagnosed with the same condition just a few months after his death. What an awful, unimaginable twist of fate. Here she was, nursing a broken heart, only to be dealt this dreadful
blow. She told me how, after her husband was diagnosed, his friends seemed to melt away. She had told herself that her friends would never do the same. Yet, following her bereavement and diagnosis and an initial flurry of concerned emails or texts, her friends had abandoned her too. Not all of them, of course, but enough to make her feel bleak and alone. It felt, she said, as if people feared her sorrow and bad fortune was catching and were keeping away lest they be tainted in some way too.
It’s hard not to take this personally, but it’s not anything about the person. I’ve seen this happen so often, especially when people are unwell. In the weeks after a diagnosis there’s an initial spike in family and friends pitching in to offer support. People send cards and flowers. But then, nothing. The help drops off suddenly. People get on with their lives and, not quite knowing what to say, keep their distance. Or they feel guilty that they didn’t help sooner, so they stay away too.
So, what do you do? I’ve thought about this a lot and I think the key is to seize the initiative when someone is given a grim diagnosis. Don’t, whatever you do, offer meaningless platitudes like “Call me if you need anything.” This is putting the onus back on the person. People often don’t have the energy to delegate jobs or ask for help. Instead, be proactive: do something but make it small
enough that you can do it regularly. Much better to offer to make a cake and pop round with it and have a cup of tea once a month than make a grand gesture like seeing the person every week which you can’t stick to.
Don’t tell them everything will be fine—it might make you feel better, but is likely to just make the other person feel they have to put on a brave face. If you’re not sure what to say, it’s fine to say precisely that. Say you don’t want to put your foot in it by saying anything insensitive or unhelpful and take your lead from the person. Don’t feel you have to always talk about what’s wrong with them— they’re probably sick of talking about being sick. Consistency is key, so put stuff in your diary each time so it’s a firm, regular commitment. People don’t want to feel like a burden but they will appreciate knowing you’re going to pop in.
And if you’ve left it months and don’t know where to start, send flowers (or a pot plant) as an icebreaker, then follow it up a few days later with a call or visit. Someone who is ill or bereaved is unlikely to hold this against you. Don’t put it off—it gets harder as each day goes past, not easier. But once you’ve done it, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. It’s incredibly sad that people facing up to a serious illness or death might feel they are on their own— and there’s no excuse for the rest of us to allow that to happen. n
Q: Dear Dr Max, my armpits are terribly itchy! This has been going on for a couple of months now. I have tried changing my deodorant but it has not helped. There is no redness or rash, it’s just incredibly itchy. How can I ease the itchiness?
A: This sounds like a very irritating problem—literally. It could be down to a number of things, depending on how long it’s been present and a close examination of the area.
You mention deodorants, but just a quick point about this because sometimes people use the wrong word to describe the product they use. Deodorants are used to mask odour, while antiperspirants actively reduce the sweating. Itchiness is particularly associated with antiperspirant, as some of them contain chemicals that interact with moisture and cause soreness. This is a particular problem if they don’t fully control the sweating, as the excess sweat interacts with the antiperspirant to cause the itchiness. Both antiperspirants and deodorants also contain other chemicals and perfumes and people can have a skin sensitivity that can cause
soreness or itchiness. So, you may be having a reaction to a chemical that is in the product you are using, even if you’ve changed product. This is surprisingly common—one survey found that each year nearly a quarter of women and around 15 per cent of men will experience a reaction to a personal care product. You can ask to be referred to a dermatologist to check if you are having a reaction to a chemical in the product.
You may also have a fungal infection—a careful examination of the area can tell if there’s an infection and sometimes a skin scraping or swab is sent for tests to confirm the diagnosis. Excessive sweating on its own can also cause itchiness. Either use a strong antiperspirant, such as Odaban (but be careful to follow the instructions closely) or botox in the armpit to stop the sweating. Very rarely, breast cancer or lymphoma can cause itchy armpits. Your doctor should be able to investigate the underlying cause and offer further advice. n
Got a health question for our resident doctor?
Email it confidentially to askdrmax@readersdigest.co.uk
Is this the year we stop worrying whether we’re having enough sex?
Monica Karpinski is a writer and editor focused on women’s health, sex, and relationships. She is the founder of women’s health media platform
The Femedic
There’s nothing like a new year to stir anxieties that we’re not living life right. It’s a time that prompts reflection, calling us to make resolutions for how we can be better: go to the gym more! Eat broccoli three times a week!
But when it comes to our sex lives, there’s one question that strikes worry in bedrooms around the country, all year round: how much sex are we meant to be having?
It’s the subject of countless articles, online discussions, and even academic papers. And with this new year, I’d like to suggest that we bin this conversation for good.
The trouble with that question is that the answer isn’t a number, yet often, one is put forward: once per week is usually what’s cited. To be fair, this number does come from scientific research—although the paper in question doesn’t actually show that weekly sex makes us happiest. Nor does any other paper, for that matter, because there’s no such thing as an optimal quota of sex.
Here’s what the science actually says. In 2015, researchers analysed survey data from over 30,000 people,
who were asked how often they had sex and then, separately, how content they were with their lives and relationships.
Sexual frequency didn’t appear to have any bearing on happiness for people who were single. But for those in relationships, folks who got frisky once per week also reported being happier and more satisfied with their partners on average—while happiness either plateaued or dipped slightly for those who did it more regularly than that.
All this tells us is that happiness is related to how often people have sex with their partners, but not that one causes the other. We can’t say that an amount of sex leads to happiness, nor that happier people have sex a certain amount.
From what we know about sex drive, I’d say the latter is more on the money: happiness influences how frequently we head to the bedroom, but what that looks like is different for everyone.
Yes, sex makes us feel good, but our desire to have it in the first place depends on a myriad of factors that can push us away from sex or pull us towards it. You’d probably have more headspace for intimacy if you felt good in your relationship and secure in other areas of your life.
In fact, the paper also found that the link between happiness and how often people had sex appeared to be explained by how satisfied they were in their relationships.
So why was having sex once per week the number where people reported feeling best? It could be that because this is about how often the average person in the UK has sex, folks felt a sense of satisfaction that they’d met that standard, the researchers suggest.
As they say: comparison is the thief of joy. A study done in 2014 found that people’s happiness with their own sex lives dropped when they compared themselves to their peers.
Another 2015 study showed that happy couples having more sex than the pattern they’d naturally settled on didn’t make them happier—and how often they did it was simply linked to how much they liked sex.
I understand why people are so set on seeking clear, practical answers about sex: we want help navigating the murky realms of desire, pleasure, and human relationships. We want to be reassured we’re “normal”.
But there’s no single answer to what a good sex life looks like; there’s only what works for you. And frequency is an effect, rather than a cause, of that. So, what will make you happiest is probably just doing what you want. n
Q: My 11-year relationship ended about a year ago and I’m still struggling to get over it. We’d grown apart and couldn’t fix it in the end. I think breaking up was the right call but I still feel really sad and guilty for not having tried harder. How do I move on?
A: There’s no easy answer for how to heal from heartbreak. It’s rough until, eventually, it gets better. But I do want to tell you that your feelings are valid, even if they are confusing to you right now. And being accepting of them might offer you some relief.
Ending a relationship of that length is a massive life upheaval. As well as no longer being with that person, many aspects of your dayto-day life have probably changed: your habits and routines, perhaps the place you’re living. Post-breakup, there can be a sense of mourning for that life and its comforts—which may be contributing to your feelings of sadness.
It’s also common to feel guilty after a relationship ends, even if you know the split is for the best. You might feel bad that your ex is upset, or sorry it didn’t work out as you’d hoped.
To a degree, these feelings are normal, but try not to let them consume you. Relationships end— and sometimes for no other reason than, as you say, people growing apart. This isn’t anyone’s fault.
You need to let yourself process what happened and do the grieving you need to, but ultimately come to terms with your new reality. There’s no fixed amount of time that this takes, and some days will be easier than others. You have to go through it to heal and move on.
But do spare yourself the guilt for not having tried harder. What happened, happened: neither of you can change the past and it’s impossible to know if you could have done anything to change how things turned out. Thinking in this way is holding you back from accepting the present.
Above all, remember that your relationship ended for a reason. And if you know it was the right thing, trust in your judgement and try to look forward. n
Got a question for our resident sex and relationships expert? Email it confidentially to thelovedoctor@readersdigest.co.uk
The older you are, the less likely you are to swear (except in the car—studies say most people swear when driving) but what causes us to let rip with a four-letter word otherwise? What does it say about us, what’s its role and what determines how much you swear, or the words you choose to do it with? Let’s delve into the science of swearing…
BY Helen Foster
If you’re, erm, of a certain age, chances are you went through something in childhood that would horrify social services today; you’d repeat a word that a friend had taught you, or that you’d heard from an adult, in front of your mum, dad or gran, and next thing you knew you’d been marched off into the bathroom to get your mouth washed out with soap! With a mouthful of bubbles you’d promise to never do it again—but, here you are on the motorway, and you’re definitely not sticking to that promise!
Saying your first curse word might be a milestone, but, as we get older, swearing becomes part of the rich lexicon of language that we use to express ourselves, and while we might associate swear words with negative communication, only eight per cent of people actually swear to cause offence. “There are many other reasons that we swear, including positive uses like expressing excitement, emphasis, coping with shared adversity or to create a more informal environment,” says Dr Karyn Stapleton, a senior lecturer in Communication at Ulster University. “And there’s cathartic swearing, which provides a means of releasing strong emotions, or feelings like anger, pain or frustration.”
Cathartic swearing fascinates scientists as it shows some really interesting facts about bad language.
Studies at the UK’s Keele University revealed that when under stress, a person can think of considerably more swear words than someone asked to do the same task when relaxed, and it’s now suspected that rather than being controlled by the normal part of the brain that handles language (the left cortex), swear words are actually processed by the limbic system that normally controls emotional thoughts.
The emotional link with swearing is reinforced by physiological changes, akin to those we feel during stress, that happen when we swear—repeat a swear word a few times and your heart rate will increase and you’ll start to sweat. If you feel the need to put your hand on something painful, you’ll be able to hold it there roughly a third longer when swearing, and according to further research at Keele
University, strength, selfconfidence and your willingness to take risks all increase when you swear. “In fact, we think we swear when we’re in pain to deliberately provoke our fight or flight response and create an analgesic response,” says Dr Richard Stephens who conducted much of this research at Keele. Be warned though—the more you swear in general speech, the less effective the cathartic effects of swear words are when you really need them!
UNDER STRESS, A PERSON CAN THINK OF CONSIDERABLY MORE SWEAR WORDS THAN SOMEONE RELAXED
What makes a word offensive is also very interesting. “The three main categories of swear words are sexual,
bodily functions or religion—and that’s not just in English, it’s observed across many languages,” says Dr Robbie Love, lecturer in English Language at Aston University in Birmingham. “So, clearly, swearing is about taboo topics and words you might use to offend or abuse someone, and it’s like the brain has encoded these words with a special meaning so that it knows they are different in some way. I think there’s almost an innate human need to have some linguistic items that can be used to help us process intense moments.”
However, exactly how offensive we might find a word can change over
MEN HAVE TRADITIONALLY SWORN MORE THAN WOMEN, AND TENDED TO FAVOUR THE F-WORD
time. Back in 1939, the utterance of “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” in the film Gone with the Wind was seen as such an affront to decency that it incurred the film company a fine of $5,000 (around $107,000 today)—nowadays, it’s one of the few examples of bad language in this piece we don’t have to asterisk! “Offensiveness levels change because all language evolves, but for swearing particularly there’s definitely a connection to cultural salience of certain themes,” says Dr
Love. “Blasphemy is one example of this in the UK—as the proportion of atheists has increased and the power of Christianity has decreased, fewer people might consider things like ‘damn’ as swearing—which is very different from some other areas of the world, or other religions.”
According to the most recent study by media regulator OFCOM in 2020, traditional swear words are also offending us less—complaints about these have dropped by half, but complaints about racial or sexual slurs have more than doubled, possibly related to society’s increasing focus on inclusivity.
But with so many words to choose from, what determines the exact swear words we use? After all, not everyone who hits their finger with a hammer will come out with the same
expletive. In her book Swearing Is Good For You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language, research scientist
Emma Byrne explains that while men have traditionally sworn more than women, and in the past, men tended to favour the F-word while women chose milder words like “bloody”, “hell” or “b****r” when they swore, the gap is closing. According to one 2019 study, on average women say the F-word 546 times in every million words they speak—while men only use it 540 times.
Your beliefs also play a role in how much you swear and the language you use; liberals swear more than those with more conservative views,
and someone with a high level of spiritual belief would be less likely to use a word with religious connotations. In fact, in one famous study on the language used by a group of women living in Ordsall, Greater Manchester, the women studied had no qualms at all using words like “b*****d”, “s***” and even
NO MATTER HOW OUR OWN FEELINGS ABOUT SWEARING CHANGE, WE STILL DON’T WANT TO EXPOSE CHILDREN TO IT
the C-word, but they wouldn’t use “Jesus”, “Christ” or “God” as they had strong religious beliefs.
Swear words also differ by country. In Germany, you can be fined for calling someone “a pig”, which wouldn’t necessarily cause major offence in the UK. And Australia even
has a famous tourism campaign playing on the C-word—one of the worst words you can use in the US and the UK.
Words also fall out of fashion. In his 2021 study, Dr Love compared the incidence of certain swear words in British conversations in the years 1994 and 2014 and found that the word “bloody” had declined in use by 80 per cent. It used to be our favourite swear word, but was overtaken by f**k and s**t. While he’s not sure exactly why this happened, “it’s possible that it’s associated with a certain generation, and so younger people have stopped using it.”
Generally though, we’re swearing less than we used to.
Dr Love’s research found the use of 16 common swear words declined by 27 per cent over the last 20 years.
Admittedly that might not seem to be the case if you’re sitting on the bus with a group of young folk.
According to a survey by the British Board of Film Classification, only 12 per cent of those aged 55-64 swear regularly compared to 46 per cent of 20-somethings. “It’s hard to measure whether this is generational or, if
individual people moderate their language over the life cycle—but, it’s possible that as we get older we might have fewer uses for swearing. We don’t need it to bond with co-workers, for example, whereas someone younger who is making new friends, starting university or a first job may use swearing to show that they belong to a certain group. Also, older adults have often had to spend some time curbing their language around children—no matter how our own feelings about swearing change, we still don’t want to expose children to it,” says Dr Love.
The last myth to dispel is that swearing frequently is a sign of low intelligence or poor vocabulary.
Linguists have found that using words like “er” and “um” are actually a greater sign of this than interspersing speech with the odd expletive. Nor does swearing necessarily reflect badly upon you— Donald Trump was seen as more honest than other politicians by voters because he occasionally swore in his speeches! “It really does come back to context. Words can do good and words can do harm—and you don’t need to use swear words to do either,” says Dr Love. They do come in bloody handy sometimes though! n
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BY Susannah Hickling
When the pool where he worked as a lifeguard in Melun, southeast of Paris, was closed during the COVID-19 pandemic, Guillaume Pop took jobs at various other pools that were virtually deserted. At one of them there was a small waterslide, which gave the 22-year-old former competitive swimmer an idea: he would make a TikTok video in which he pretended to be a “professional waterslide tester.”
Shooting down a slide in hard hat and hi-vis jacket or smiling broadly in cool shades and a tiny Speedo to a groovy soundtrack, Pop soon became a social media sensation. He was hired to “test” slides and other
facilities at water parks, swimming pools and campsites all over France. Today, he has more than half a million followers on TikTok and his own real-life waterslide-testing business. No longer working as a lifeguard, he travels the country checking the condition of waterslides, trying them out to determine how fun they are and creating amusing videos to attract customers.
“First of all, I check it without water, to make sure it’s in an acceptable state,” explains Pop, who must keep up to date on water-park regulations. If he finds a waterslide needs work— for example, if there are bumpy joints, which can hurt sliders—management will bring in a specialist repairer.
“After that, I test it with water,” Pop says, logically.
Then he moves on to the fun, promotional aspect. Sometimes he takes over a leisure park and invites social media influencers to enjoy it too. In 2022, he took 25 influencers to O’Gliss Park, an enormous water park in the Vendée region on the Atlantic coast.
Pop estimates he’s tested around 700 French waterslides and is now
Finnish Lapland, in the far north of Europe, is home to some 180,000 people—and around 200,000 reindeer. The animals live wild but each one has an owner, identified by a tag on its ear. Anne Ollila, one of 4,000 such owners, works in the Finnish part of this harsh but beautiful region with her husband and two adult sons and their families. She has Sami roots, as do many of Finland’s reindeer herders. They farm the animals principally for meat, which is considered both healthy and ethical, but reindeer tourism has also become an important source of revenue.
“My family have been reindeer herders for at least nine generations,” says Ollila, 50. She started helping out when she was a very young child, and her father-in-law only stopped
eyeing water parks abroad, in countries such as Switzerland, Portugal and Spain, where he has been testing slides during the winter. “It’s the best job in the world,” declares Pop, whose videos have received 80 million views. “I’m not behind a desk. I’m active and outside in the sun. And I have a great rapport with customers. In fact, all the children tell me they want to be a waterslide tester!”.
herding at the age of 82, shortly before his death.
Ollila lives 50 miles inside the Arctic Circle, an hour from Lapland’s capital city, Rovaniemi, and over four miles from her nearest neighbour. Summer days—when the reindeer herders earmark newborn calves—are long and in June the sun never sets. At that time Ollila sleeps during the day and walks up to 12 miles a night through marsh and forest, making the most of the cooler temperatures to do her work but having to endure swarms of insects along the way.
In deepest winter there is little daylight, though Ollila insists it’s not dark. “The snow reflects the starlight,” she says. Many pastures are frozen and the reindeer move into the forest for protection against predators, including wolves, lynx, wolverines and golden eagles—the birds can kill
Reindeer herder Anne Ollila with Rocky, who is famous for getting into trouble
an adult reindeer. “Life is not easy here, but it’s how nature works,” says Ollila. In winter she trains reindeer to pull sleighs.
Her busiest times are early summer, when earmarking takes place, and autumn, when she rounds up the animals to vaccinate them and select some for slaughter. “Reindeer are part of the ecosystem,” explains Ollila, who is also director of the Reindeer Herders’ Association. “They keep nature in balance, but if there are too many, there isn’t enough food for them. We have to control herds. Earlier generations have taught us this.”
Ollila and her family, like many herders, offer tourists reindeer experiences via their company Reindeer Journey. Visitors can get close to the animals in the wild or at their farm, watch them being trained to pull sledges or take a sleigh ride.
“Reindeer are very smart animals,” Ollila says. “They have different personalities, and some are very funny.” One of her favourites is called Rocky, named after the movie boxing legend. “He’s very curious and always in trouble,” she laughs. He once got himself wedged in a pile of hay bales and had to be lifted out, and he has been known to walk off with the laundry rack on his antlers—complete with his owners’ drying underwear.
Ollila gave up her job as a sociology researcher at the University of Lapland in 2010 to devote herself to reindeer herding full time and has no regrets about her decision. “I love the environment, the animals and the freedom,” she says. “Also, I have a sense of belonging to something bigger than me, to the chain of life through the generations.”
ANNE OLLILAAround 160 times a year, come rain, shine or frost, Nicolas Edelman, 43, climbs a ladder to dress a bronze statue of a little boy peeing into a fountain in Brussels. Located on the corner of Rue de l’Etuve and Rue du Chêne, the 58-centimetre-tall Manneken-Pis, which literally means “the peeing boy” in the local Dutch dialect, is a major tourist attraction in the Belgian capital. Edelman is thought to be the statue’s 13th official dresser since records began in the 18th century.
Manneken-Pis, which “peed” fresh drinking water until 2019, was recorded as a public drinking fountain as long ago as the 14th century and is meant to represent the spirit of resistance of the people of Brussels (one story has it that it’s modelled on a boy who urinated on a burning fuse, preventing gunpowder planted by the city’s enemies from going off).
The statue is dressed to mark special occasions such as national days, international events, anniversaries and even important matches of Belgium’s national football team, when Manneken-Pis wears the Red Devils’ team colours.
The statue’s outfits are housed in the Manneken-Pis Wardrobe, a museum open to the public. The oldest costume is a brocaded blue gentlemen’s suit, complete with embroidered leggings and white gloves—a gift from France’s King Louis XV in 1747. It was presented to the city by the king himself to make amends after his soldiers had stolen the statue.
“The official collection currently holds 1,129 costumes,” says Edelman, a former cook who has been the statue’s dresser since 2014. And the collection is growing: foreign organisations and governments continue to donate specially made infant-sized costumes. “Around half
Centuries of tradition dictate the rules for outfitting the Brussels landmark of the clothes in the collection are from overseas,” reveals Edelman.
“Many are gifts offered as part of diplomatic friendships.”
When a country or an organisation wishes to offer a costume, it must get approval from an official Brussels
Elisa Meyer, 37, was studying philosophy and German literature in Austria in 2016 when she read an article about an unusual emerging therapy in the United States— cuddling. Cuddle therapy uses platonic touch, which “can reduce anxiety and stress levels and improve
committee. After the finished costume is delivered, it is tried on a replica of the statue and any necessary alterations are made. Once the formal ceremony is underway at City Hall, Edelman hurries to dress the actual statue behind a curtain—with the “pee” turned off, of course. By the time the official delegation arrives and a crowd of passersby has gathered, Edelman draws the curtain to reveal the Manneken-Pis—back in full stream—in all his sartorial glory.
Edelman’s favourite costumes include St Nicholas, which adorns the statue on December 6, St Nicholas’ Day. “Picture a great saint doing a wee!” he says with a laugh.
“My job is to make people happy,” Edelman explains, simply.
“Manneken-Pis is part of the folk tradition of Brussels. Dressing and looking after this symbol of the city I’m from is a great honour.”
confidence and self-esteem,” according to Cuddle Professionals International, the training, certification and membership body for practitioners. Meyer, who is originally from Luxembourg, was intrigued, having always envisaged a career involving some kind of therapy. “My first thought was, Wow, this is the perfect job because I can
relax at the same time!” she says with a laugh.
But after doing two online courses, Meyer realised cuddle therapy was a serious profession. She came away with two pages of strict rules that establish boundaries, including the fact that cuddle therapy has no sexual element. And, while she was aware that cuddle therapy couldn’t replace medication or psychotherapy for people who have a serious mental illness, she saw how it could bring benefits when used alongside those treatments.
Meyer started practising in Vienna as a sideline to her PhD studies and university teaching and is now a full-time cuddle therapist in Leipzig, Germany. She welcomes clients to her studio where she talks to them for about ten minutes about what they want from the session. Many are lonely, such as men with social anxiety who are ill at ease with women; some are busy women who simply want to relax.
The rest of the session is spent in close contact on a bed or sofa. Meyer might start by hugging a client from behind and stroking their hair, sometimes massaging their neck if they are tense. The pair usually change position
Elisa Meyer’s work harnesses the healing benefits of touch
once or twice during the 50- or 80-minute cuddling session.
Cuddling releases oxytocin in the body, she explains. “Your body feels very relaxed and a bit like you are floating. People have the feeling that everything is and will be OK. They smile a lot afterwards. Oxytocin is known as the ‘love’ hormone.”
Meyer recalls one client who couldn’t speak because of a problem with his vocal chords. His voice came
back softly during a cuddle session. “He was so happy, he was glowing,” she says. Just knowing he could still use his voice and break out of his isolation was very special for him.
She also takes cuddle therapy into a home for adults with learning and physical challenges. People with physical disabilities are often keen to talk about the pain they experience. “They talk, I listen,” she says.
Besides being a good listener, what makes a successful cuddle therapist?
Stevie Douglas estimates he’s trained at least 1,000 zombies over the past ten years. The 52-year-old Scot from Carstairs, a village southeast of Glasgow, has taught people how to behave like all varieties of the undead. That includes the slow, shambling zombies typical of films such as Night of the Living Dead (1968) and the truly terrifying, screaming ones who chase you as you run for your life.
Fortunately, Douglas, a co-director of the Glasgow-based ScareScotland Talent Agency, is very much alive, as are all his pupils. He started out as a “scare actor,” using his six-foot twoinch frame to frighten people in interactive scare mazes across the UK. “Before I knew it I was being hired to play various characters, from serial
“You have to like humans and be a trusting and positive person,” says Meyer. “You have to read body language and be able to recognise what people want and adjust the way you touch accordingly.”
Meyer has written two books about cuddle therapy and now trains other aspiring practitioners. “Sometimes people have lost all joy in life and may be suicidal,” she says. “When I see they have hope again, that is the biggest reward.”
killers to chainsaw-wielding maniacs,” he says. “Zombies came up a lot too.”
A big fan of horror movies, Douglas noticed the zombies he saw in films were often unconvincing. “Their movement was poor,” he says. “I thought I could do better.” So, in 2012, he and a friend formed ScareScotland to provide zombies for films, television and events such as horror conventions.
A year later they started a training programme for aspiring zombies. It took off when they received a request for 300 zombies for The Generation of Z, a huge interactive production that ran for three weeks in an underground car park at the worldfamous Edinburgh Festival Fringe. The show was a hit.
Undead Academy classes are held in the upstairs room of a Glasgow
Stevie Douglas in his zombie days; (right) Douglas training students at the Undead Academy
theatre, where Douglas instructs students in different aspects of zombie behaviour. He asks each one to stand up, bend one leg inwards and drag their heel, then lift their head up as if it were attached to a piece of string and—voilà—you have a zombie who can lurch forward. “The noise part is easier,” says Douglas. Typical zombie sounds include screams, wails, puffing and panting. He impresses on students the importance of safety when frightening people; imagine there’s a four-foot box around you, he tells them, and always stay at arm’s length from a member of the public.
Among the Academy’s alumni are a couple of wrestlers and a heavily built,
six-foot nine-inch zombie. “When Big Ross scuttles from the corner, you can see the fear in people’s eyes,” jokes Douglas, who has worked on film sets teaching professional actors how to play zombies.
He insists Academy “graduates” are not extras. “They’re skilled actors,” he says. “What they do is very specific.” They certainly have an effect. Douglas recalls an event in a park when a woman was so terror-stricken on encountering a group of “zombies” that she ran into a pond.
But many people enjoy being petrified, says Douglas—and he’s happy to oblige them. n
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BY Jowita Bydlowska
THE FLAT MY SON, Hugo, and I moved into after my divorce was nice, but the feeling we had was of holding on to a raft in angry waters. We were now about a 30-minute drive from Hugo’s dad’s new Toronto home. During the first week eightyear-old Hugo stayed with me there, he responded to the change in his life by trashing his room before finally letting tears come and allowing me to hug him.
At that time, he also developed a new fear—the fear of death. “I can’t sleep. I am thinking about death,” he would say when I would catch him with his eyes wide open, in the darkness of his bedroom,
his little body tightly surrounded by a cordon of stuffed toys.
Hugo had always considered himself an atheist, ever since his dad had told him at age four that God, like Santa, wasn’t real—and that when we die, we turn to dust. For Hugo, it had been just something to say to make adults laugh and confuse his innocent buddies in kindergarten.
But now that he was growing up, he was grasping the concept of time, that he was slowly moving toward the big unknown. I think his fear of death also came about because nothing seemed certain anymore: our little family was no longer a unit, and our lives were divided into split-custody homes. When the nights got too hard for Hugo, we’d fall asleep holding on to each other like two monkeys, and all the unknowns stayed away for one more night.
THAT SAME YEAR, I’d started going to a new addictions group that met twice a week. The group was a safe place where no hard topic was off the table. The best conversations would often happen after our meetings were over; my favourite person to talk to was Denis, an 80-year-old contrarian and cancer survivor who was considered by everyone else in the group to be a grump.
At the end of each meeting, we were supposed to stand up and hold hands. I would do this even though it
made me uncomfortable—I disliked the forced intimacy—but Denis refused. Like a broken link in a circle, he stood with his hands folded, and it was this little rebellion that made me trust him.
He was one of the first people I confided in about my divorce. His pragmatic response and lack of sentimentality—“It sucks now, but it will get better”—helped me gain perspective on my grief. I knew that Denis had gone through hardships, his recent cancer being one, and yet he had a healthy, no-nonsense attitude that inspired me.
I was not the only person taken with Denis—my son became an instant fan when they met at a celebration of my one year of sobriety. As we socialised while balancing our slices of cake on flimsy Styrofoam plates, Hugo was polite and charming, but he felt the adults were talking down to him and he was squirming to leave. That is, until Denis introduced himself, shaking his
hand and asking Hugo what he thought about the “bad cake.”
Hugo said he thought the cake was fine and then pressed Denis about why he didn’t hold hands at the end of the meetings, a detail I’d shared with Hugo.
FROM THAT TIME ON, MY SON AND DENIS WOULD ASK FOR UPDATES ABOUT EACH OTHER
“I’m not in kindergarten,” Denis said, and my son chuckled. Then they talked about being atheists, because Denis remembered from my stories about my precocious kid that this was something they had in common. He told Hugo that he’d never met an eight-year-old atheist before.
“I’ve never met an 80-year-old atheist before,” Hugo deadpanned, and Denis erupted in laughter.
From that time on, the two would ask for updates about each other (“Denis got a new camera to take his bird-watching to the next level”; “Hugo has finished all the Harry Potters”). The updates included, eventually, a devastating one when Denis’s cancer came back.
I explained to Hugo that his octogenarian buddy was staying at
the hospital now, and said I was going to visit.
“Is he going to die?” Hugo asked.
“Yes,” I told him.
“Soon?”
“Sooner rather than later. Before the summer is over,” I answered. I spoke gently but firmly, feeling my throat clenching a little as I held back tears.
Maybe I was harsh, but I had a vague notion of wanting to teach my son about death, of showing him that death, like friendship (or love that ends in a divorce), was part of life. I hoped that, by nurturing a relationship between Denis and Hugo, I could normalise this terrifying thing for my kid, who still worried about his own end.
Hugo’s big brown eyes searched my face, his forehead scrunching as he said quietly, “OK. Can I visit him?”
And so he did. On our way to the hospital, Hugo insisted on getting a gift. What do you get a grumpy old man whose only request was, at its most extravagant, a coffee? A sparkly stuffed dragon, of course—the perfect gift, we joked, for someone with such a sparkly demeanour.
Denis was amused and proudly displayed the dragon next to a stuffed elf someone else had given to him, also as a joke. He let Hugo have his hospital pudding. We went into the common room and played a card game, with Hugo writing down scores
on a sheet of paper. He’s always loved numbers and charts and strategy.
“We should play chess,” Denis said. “Do you play chess?”
“No, but you can teach me,” Hugo told him.
hospital,” was that it didn’t seem like anyone was dying in it. Compared to the previous hospital, which was surrounded by the concrete of downtown and filled with fragile people in hospital gowns, this place was bright and clean and not depressing at all. From Denis’s windows, we could view a sprawling hill of trees and bushes and grounds dotted with fountains.
Denis pretended to be appalled, “If I have to,” he said. “What kind of person doesn’t play chess?”
I set up visits with Denis every Sunday, always bringing my son with me. We ate snacks while they played chess, and we talked about Denis’s adventures as a farm labourer before he became a lawyer in his fifties, “just to see what that was like.” Denis never talked about his cancer, but Hugo said more than once that maybe the doctors had made a mistake. He thought Denis seemed fine.
Except he wasn’t. He’d long walked with a cane, but that gave way to a walker, which then became a wheelchair. Eventually, Denis was moved to a palliative care facility.
Hugo’s only comment on the new location, which he called the “dying
Once, feeling particularly sparkly, Denis convinced us to head out for tacos at a cheap street-food joint a ten-minute walk away. That took us half an hour; he allowed Hugo to push him all the way there. It wasn’t an easy task, as the wheelchair kept getting jammed in the tram rails.
But Denis felt proud to treat us, and my kid put on a show of pretending to dine as if in a fine restaurant, bending his plastic utensils in ridiculous ways as he tried to cut up the tacos.
As Denis’s health deteriorated, we didn’t talk about his illness or the fact that he was going to die soon or what it all meant. But eventually we had to deal with the issue of our last visit— the one when saying goodbye would mean saying goodbye for good.
Hugo and I were scheduled to go to Europe for the rest of the summer. We brought him some coffee and then went up onto the rooftop terrace, where it was so windy that the chess pieces kept falling over.
Afterwards, Hugo pushed Denis down the long, bright hallways, sometimes running, and making one wild turn that caused Denis to huff loudly. Hugo kept forgetting that his friend was so fragile, and Denis didn’t have the heart to reprimand him.
We dropped him off in his room, and it was the first and the last time we hugged, stiffly—Denis’s disdain for physical contact taking a back seat to this sweet, awkward moment.
And then we left. Hugo cried on the way home.
A month later, a relative of Denis’s called me while Hugo and I were on the Adriatic coast, the shimmering sea visible from the windows of our villa as I took the call. Denis had only days, maybe hours, left, they told us. He could no longer speak. After hanging up, Hugo and I decided we would record a voicemail for him.
“What should I say?” Hugo wondered.
“What do you want to say?”
“I don’t know. Have a nice trip?” he said and laughed uneasily. After we’d
left a clunky message, he added, “But he’s an atheist, so he’s not even going anywhere.”
Two years later, in January 2020, Hugo’s beloved grandmother passed away, and he accepted her death stoically, quipping that he had had training in death with Denis.
I DON’T KNOW IF my son’s sleepless nights went away because of those Sunday visits, but we did settle into our new life, despite all the uncertainty. Hugo no longer obsesses over death, although he has admitted that he’s still scared of the big unknown—but who isn’t? And I’m not sure if he’s an atheist anymore, either. While replacing his phone this past Christmas, I found messages sent to his grandmother’s number, one reading: “Where are you?”.
When I asked him about it, he said, “I was sad and I missed her. It was comforting.”
Like all parents, I try to soften blows and dispel myths and monsters, and I know that with Denis, I was trying to make death less scary, give it a human face or, even more straightforwardly, help him make friends with it.
I don’t know if Hugo texting his grandmother is a sign of a spell being broken. But I know that he understands now that people live on after they’re gone, and recognising that is one way to make peace with the great unknown. n
James Holland is a historian and author who specialises in the history of the Second World War and co-hosts the We Have Ways Of Making You Talk podcast with Al Murray
Everyone would be nice Throughout history, it’s always just a small handful of people that ruin it for everyone else. My experience of life is that the vast majority of people are fairly decent, upstanding people. It’s only a few wrongdoers who ruin it. I would much rather that everyone was nice instead of most. Be respectful, be nice, don’t murder people, don’t be adulterous, be a decent type.
We would look after our planet better I don’t know exactly what the answer is here but we need to work out how to better look after our planet. Within the UK there’s talk about being net zero by 2050, but that doesn’t include our footprint around the world, that just includes within the UK. It ignores the fact that almost everything around the world moves by ship or by aircraft. And these use gargantuan amounts of dirty diesel. So doing trade deals with Australia at the moment, which the UK has just done, doesn’t seem to be an incredibly sensible idea.
In the West, about a third of our food just gets chucked away. There are millions of people around the world who aren’t getting anything near enough food. It’s just wrong. And on top of that you’ve obviously got global warming, which is a massive worry, and rising populations. Individuals can take some responsibility for how we treat our planet, but there’s a bigger picture, and it needs to be looked at with a
greater sense of urgency, otherwise we’re going to be in big trouble.
No more referendums This one is a bit outrageous but I would stop referendums. We have a parliamentary democracy, so you have a chance to vote for your MP and for the party that you want. I think referendums are not really a good idea, particularly when they’re as close as the last few we had.
More sports! I’d advocate cricket around the world. It’s a great team sport, and also a great tactical sport. There’s so much nuance to it. I think the world would be a better place if everyone played cricket! In fact, I think we need more sport in general. For example, for 400 million pounds you could build 100 hybrid football pitches which are effectively allweather pitches so you can play football even in winter when it’s dark and wet.
Just think what that would do for youth, for people in inner cities. You want to encourage people to move away from gangs and so on, and find an outlet for teenage passion—a sense of belonging, aggression, competitiveness—and football, cricket, whatever it might be, is a perfect way to do that.
emphasis on defence. We can help our own financial situation in the UK at the moment by putting in some defence orders. If we had factories building 105-millimetre shells, which are the most predominant source of projectile, we would create jobs and bring in taxes. I think the need for strong defence is badly misunderstood. It’s currently something like number 14 on the public’s list of priorities, and it should be number one or two really.
We would look after our oceans We need to really think about the amount of fishing we do at the moment. It’s incredible that in the late 19th century the coastal waters around Scotland would have been absolutely crystal clear. That’s because of the number of rock oysters. Rock oysters filter something like 60 litres of water a day. There used to be millions of them so all the water was crystal clear, and there was more wildlife and more sea life. And now they’re not there anymore, primarily because of dredging and polluting the waters. So we need to be more careful and regenerate our coastal waters. n AS TOLD TO ALICE GAWTHROP
More money would be spent on defence These are troubling times and I don’t think there’s enough
Having been an influencer for years as a TV producer and executive producer, writing and producing Grumpy Old Women, Judith Holder now presents her own humorous podcast about ageing, Older and Wider, with her good friend and comedian Jenny Eclair. Ian Chaddock to Judith about her incredible career
How did working in TV shape the way you grew as a person? My job has always defined me. It was so much more than a job. Working in TV is a huge privilege and responsibility as well as a buzz. I worked for eight years on talk shows—all the
Hollywood A-listers and Z-listers, three of the four Beatles, all the way down to Frank Carson, Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog. I became so much more confident, but with the self-knowledge that comedy was something I had a bit of an eye for. My personal life suffered—I remember going to Hollywood for a meeting when my eldest was 11 months old and taking her vest with me on the plane because it smelled of her. I literally went to do the meeting and turned round and came home again. I made so many friends though—Dale Winton, Victoria Wood (close chum) and many more. And, of course, Jenny Eclair!
What are your proudest memories of working on Grumpy Old Women? I think I was so proud that we made it a little bit cool to be a woman of a
certain age. It was a gang that no one had created at that time, and women laughing at menopause symptoms, knicker sizes and not being embarrassed about what people think of them was great.
You teamed up with your friend Jenny Eclair for your podcast Older and Wider. How was it to enter the podcast world? We had written four stage shows and two books together and were great friends, and truthfully it was the only way to get anything commissioned. No one wanted us to make any more TV, because of the wretched commissioning editors’ attitudes, so with podcasts you can just get on and do it!
Avalon backed us and launched us with a producer and off we went. We had no idea it would take off the way it has. We have listeners all over the world. About 1.5 million downloads at the last count.
Has the success of your podcast shown that a lot of older women feel ignored by society? Yes, we are ignored, but also so very underestimated—we know stuff, we can do stuff, we’ve lived a lot, we have wisdom. But somehow society doesn’t tap into it. Alas. The other day someone asked me if I had an email address. Or if I was OK with stairs!
What are some stories from listeners about how the podcast has influenced
their lives? We have a lot of women over 50 who say it is like overhearing two old friends talking. A lot of women listen in the small hours when they can’t sleep, or while they are going through tough times in hospital because we make them laugh. I think we reflect them, and sometimes younger women like us because it reminds them of their own mothers.
Are there any episodes that have proved particularly popular? Jenny had thousands of emails when her mother died last year, I had thousands of emails when my dear spaniel died (run over—she was only two) and as we both became nanas this year too, we had so many emails of congratulations. It’s just fantastic. We have created such a beautiful gang.
What is your main message of the podcast and to our older readers? If there is any point to older age it is to find out who you really are. For me, that means I can come out from behind the curtain and actually perform my own comedy material. It’s a lifelong ambition, but it took me a while!
Read the full interview with Judith at readersdigest.co.uk
Older and Wider is available to stream for free on all podcast platforms. You can also email Judith and Jenny at olderwiderpod@gmail.com
Moody and atmospheric, the North York Moors are best during summer and early autumn, when the landscape is transformed with dazzling pink and purple hues as the heather blooms. The striking heather moorland is interspersed with green pasture land and woodland, complete with a rugged coastline.
The North York Moors contain 12,000 archaeological sites and features, from prehistoric hillforts to the slightly more recent Rievaulx Abbey. If you prefer something a little more up-to-date, there is a wealth of charming villages to explore, including the market town of Helmsley and the seaside village of Staithes.
Literature lovers will delight in recreating their favourite scenes from Emily Brontë's Wuthering Heights as they wander the moors, or venturing to Whitby to see the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Who knows, maybe a trip to the North York Moors will make a writer out of you, too! ➺
Rebecca Denniff is a composer and musician based on the edge of the North York Moors National Park
rebeccadenniff.com
I have lIved within the North York Moors National Park for the last 26 years, but my love affair with the moors began when I was a small child. We always holidayed in Whitby, but the journey across the moors was the thing I always looked forward to most. We would visit at the end of the summer and travelling through the magnificent moorland valleys, with the heather fading from vivid purple to a delicious rusty red, had such an impact on me that I never forgot how much I loved it. As soon as the opportunity arose, I moved to a cottage in the middle of nowhere with my first child. I have lived in various moorland locations, and I don’t think that I could imagine moving away. The moors are my constant companion—they inspire me and fill me with wonder.
I love the drama of the moors. The sweeping hills and plunging valleys are so beautiful. I love the colours, the shifting light and shade—and the keening of the buzzards as they sweep through the sky in lonely moorland places. I love the fact that there are valleys and hills that I haven’t yet discovered, and each season brings new delights for the senses. The moors really do provide
a rich sensory environment, which inspires my music and my painting. There’s a shared passion among people who live within the North York Moors National Park, and although different villages have their own identity, there are shared experiences that bind us all together—even if it’s just knowing which roads are the worst in bad weather. But to live here, and to stay here, you have to really love the wildness and the splendour of the land itself. And that’s the true spirit of the moorland communities: love for the land itself, and the rhythm of the seasons.
I work with sound recordings collected at various locations within the park and use them to create soundscapes and songs inspired by the places that I love. My current projects are Subphotic and Bonfire Hill. My debut Subphotic album, Wardle Rigg, was released on Castles in Space. It is a collection of tracks that are geolocated by using What Three Words—you can go to the
exact spots that inspired the tracks and listen to them in situ.
I lead several choirs, including Whitby Community Choir, and Equivox—a small ensemble that cocreates songs about trees and hills and then performs outdoors. I am also one of the directors of Flash Company Arts, a community interest company based in Whitby that works with communities to create art projects, share food and fight against loneliness and isolation.
My favourite spot on the North York Moors is on the old corpse road between Fryup Dale and Danby Dale. At the Danby end of the path, at the edge of the hill, there is a little rowan tree. It’s small but it must be ancient—it’s weathered and strong. I love to walk up the hill, along the rigg past stones
and tumuli, and say hello to this little tree. You can see so far from that point—to the sea, to Danby Beacon, to Roseberry Topping—and it’s magnificent. A 360 degree view of paradise. God’s own country.
Martin Hopkinson is the skipper of Three Sisters, a boat charter business running wildlife, sightseeing and fishing trips out to sea from his home village of Staithes in the North York Moors
National Park
threesister-boatcharter.co.uk
My faMIly Moved to Staithes from Bradford when I was around 11 years old. We’d previously been to the fishing village on holiday and at that young age I thought it was a brilliant place to be.
I was always involved with fishing and by the time I was 18 I was working on a commercial boat with my brother. Like many other Staithes fishermen, I also became a member of the RNLI inshore lifeboat team which operates from the village. For the majority of the 30 years I was a crew member and helmsman on-
board the lifeboat. Then in the last few years I’ve become part of the shore-based team, while also running our Three Sisters boat trips.
For me, while Staithes is now definitely much more reliant on visitors, the village still retains a great sense of community and there's always somebody working down in the harbour.
The coastline is fantastic, particularly the stretch between Runswick Bay and Kettleness, and even after all these years I still never grow tired of it. Being out on the sea
gives you a totally different perspective of the coast. Once you know a bit of the history of the area, you can see how the cliff faces were shaped by the mining of shale centuries ago for the production of alum, which was used in the textile industry to fix dyes.
Nowadays there’s also more sea life, above and below water, particularly dolphins and minke whales, which we wouldn’t have seen ten years’ ago. It’s part of the reason why we invested in some underwater cameras so that people can enjoy spotting what’s under the boat from the deck while we’re out at sea.
One of my favourite spots on land is on the Cleveland Way at Quarry Banks, midway between Staithes
and Port Mulgrave. From the headland here you have great views in each direction and there’s something special about seeing the contrast between the industrial landscape of Teesside in the distance with the natural wildness of the coastline nearby.
well as the blessing of the conservation officers.
townendfarm.org.uk
I Moved Into town end farM with my wife Jackie on “D Day” in 2013. Our solicitor chose June 6 given the momentous occasion it was for us in selling up all we had and then setting up our own business in our fifties. The Grade 2 listed barns and house needed significant renovations and we needed planning permission as
Our initial search area was huge as we wanted to find the right property in the best location. We knew straight away that Town End Farm was “the one”. It was only afterwards that we realised, almost by accident, we had stumbled upon such a beautiful area, perfect for our fledging business.
We love the North York Moors for its big skies and the spectacularly varied countryside from the moorlands and dales through to the coast. However, it’s the people that make it truly special. From the start we were welcomed with open arms by Ian Berry is the owner of the Long Barn, a luxury large self-catering holiday home at Town End Farm, Appleton le Moors in the North York Moors
the village, even if some thought we were bonkers to take on such a huge renovation. Many people helped us out personally during the build. Like the time the biomass boiler was delivered early with no tail lift, and our neighbour helped us manoeuvre it onto site! A decade on from the move, our business is thriving and we feel like we're completely part of the local community.
We love running the Long Barn. We’ve set it up as a luxury selfcatering holiday barn with seven ensuite bedrooms for groups of up to 14. The barn has hosted many family gatherings, big birthday celebrations and reunions of friends. Our guests have spanned all ages—from nine weeks to 90 years old—and it is lovely to be able to recommend so many local places and businesses, whether it’s a chef cooking a special meal or a cafe selling the best cakes.
Our favourite spot has to be our village, Appleton le Moors, with its medieval layout making it an intriguing spot. The village has real heart, and with the Moors Inn pub providing a warm welcome, a Reading Room that holds talks and exhibitions, and, of course, the wonderful walks from our front door, we feel very much at home here.
Elissa Lifestyle Beach Resort is a 5* adults-only (16+) hotel on the beautiful island of Rhodes. We have a luxurious 3 night break in a junior suite, including half board to giveaway! This stunning eco-chic beachfront property is located on Kallithea Beach, just a few minutes’ drive from the mediaeval city of Rhodes. It is the perfect place for sun-soaked, Mediterranean getaways.
There are 332 uber-chic rooms, suites,
and waterfront bungalows with private pools. Those looking to soak up the sun can enjoy long summer days lounging by one of the 15 freshwater swimming pools, sipping a mouth-watering cocktail at one of the three bars.
There are also four restaurants all offering delectable Mediterranean and international cuisine, two of which feature menus designed by Michelin-starred chef, Alex Tsiotinis.
Simply answer the following question:
A. Rhodes B. Crete C. Corfu
Simply answer A, B or C on the entry form or enter online. See page 151.
• A 3-night stay for 2 adults at Elissa Lifestyle Resort, in a Junior Suite, valued at approximately 1,035 euros/ total
• Upgrade to Half Board
• Kelari Wine Experience
For more info visit www.ellaresorts.com/our-resorts/elissa-resort/
Flights from London Gatwick, Edinburgh or Dublin to Pisa or Bologna
7 nights in Montecatini, a beautiful town built around its mineral water springs
A full day excursion to Florence
A full day excursion to Pisa and Lucca including excursions of each city
A full day excursion to Siena, followed by a visit to San Gimignano
A journey to the Tassili n’Ajjer plateau in Algeria reveals rock paintings dating back millennia
BY Alice Brouard from Le Figaro
Wrapped in a superb, green-blue cotton takakat and a white tagelmust around his head, our Tuareg guide’s fiery coal eyes are riveted on the horizon. Agaoued Mechar leans on a stick, his chest bent by years of work on this inhospitable land. And what a land! “It’s beautiful. It’s good!” he says.
Agaoued encourages us to take photos, happy that foreign tourists are once again allowed to visit the Tassili n’Ajjer plateau in southeastern Algeria. From 2008 to 2019, Algeria’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs recommended that tourists avoid the area because of a high risk of terrorist activity.
We are standing at the foot of the plateau. An ocean of rocks and sand, it seems to have fallen from the moon: dried valleys, gaping canyons, excavated cliffs and blocks of reddish sandstone burned, crumbled, eroded. At an altitude of 6,500 feet and covering almost 28,000 square miles, the vast area sits on Algeria’s borders with Libya and Niger. In this rugged environment, Neolithic peoples painted images of their daily lives, beliefs and myths on walls, crevices and cavities.
Agaoued, 79, knows the plateau down to its smallest folds and can easily find these treasures for us. Born and raised here, he followed in the footsteps of his father, who guided French explorer Henri Lhote in 1950s expeditions to inventory and reproduce the Tassili n’Ajjer rock paintings.
At the time, few foreigners dared to venture into this remote region.
Opposite: An arch rock formation at Tamezguida in Tassili n’Ajjer National Park, a Unesco World Heritage Site. Above: A hard-working donkey
Copies of the paintings made by Lhote and his team, traced on sandstone and then painted with gouache on paper, were exhibited at the Louvre in Paris, bringing world renown to the Tassilian wall art. But the methods employed by Lhote and his team also caused controversy: moistening the walls to eliminate millennia of dust buildup damaged the original works.
IT IS TIME to leave our camp and head to the base of the plateau. The sun is already burning. The caravan includes a cook named Ibrahim, friends Saayh and Abdelkrim, and seven heavily loaded donkeys.
For a strong walker, it takes about four hours to climb onto the plateau—via a hill of scree called Akba Tafelelet (5,853 feet) and three successive projections; less experienced trekkers could take six
hours. High table-like mountains formed by ancient geological forces are topped by cones and mounds streaked by the wind.
As we proceed, step by step, ruinous towers emerge from monstrous rubble-covered slopes. Cliffs that look like they were cut with a knife are hollowed out at the bottom, offering shelter under the rock. Small passages weave between the enormous masses; skinny columns rise high and gorges bring welcome shade.
“Are you OK?” Agaoued asks the
group. There’s a lot to acclimatise to: the intense light, the heat, the dryness, the nakedness of the landscape. And even just the idea of infiltrating this land, of taking in what might have been intended by the painters and engravers of one of the most significant collections of prehistoric art in the world—an open-air museum of 15,000 works.
As the Algerian writer Yasmina Khadra warns, “The desert, a nature not upset, not devastated by man,
strips us and, at the same time, reconstitutes us, dresses our soul and purifies our spirit. Let yourself be carried by the beauty, the wonder, the moment. Ignore time, opt for the maybe, the all or nothing.”
WHO ARE THE Tuaregs, these Indigenous nomads, descendants of the Berber people who, in the seventh century, tried to oppose the Arab conquest of Byzantine North Africa, before migrating to the Sahara? What are these civilisations from the depths of time? Why—using a few lines and various flat tints or dots in ochre, yellow, green, purple and white—did they leave images of oxen, elephants, sheep, giraffes, human hunters and gatherers, and even half-human, half-animal figures? How did these artists forge their talents? What can we learn from their drawings about climate change, animal migration and the way the peoples of northern Africa lived at the time?
Ethnologists and historians generally agree upon the chronology of the region’s major art periods, grouped by similar artistic characteristics. The Bubaline Period (from 12,000BC) featured large wild fauna, including a now-extinct giant buffalo. Next came the Round Head Period, which some believe was around 9,500BC. This was the first time human-like figures were featured in the art, with large, round,
featureless heads and formless bodies. During the Bovidian Period (around 7,200BC), the emphasis on cattle demonstrated that they were among the most important property at that time. The Caballine Period (around 4,000 or 5,000 years later) saw the appearance of horses and the Garamante peoples, an ancient civilisation, shown as chariot drivers and builders. Lastly, the Cameline Period (which lasted about 1,000 years beginning around 50BC) gave us the dromedary camels.
Thousands of frozen stories, ghostly elements, strange and fanciful forms are intertwined. It’s really not necessary to try to solve the mysteries; it’s better instead to
just appreciate the indescribable, the wonderful.
In the middle of a valley surrounded by sharp peaks, we finally reach the camp where we will spend the night. A fire is lit, a carpet unrolled, and the donkeys devour twigs. Before long, Saayh and Abdelkrim take them to a watering hole, then tether them. “Tea?” suggests Agaoued, readjusting his tagelmust to protect himself from the sun and wind.
Slowly the sky turns pink, and the sun sets the rocks on fire as we unfurl our sleeping bags. The breeze
brushes, caresses, refreshes and invites us to get in tune with this wild world. Enveloped by silence, we eat a vegetable stew under a night sky sparkling with stars.
AT DAWN, AGAOUED and Ibrahim light a fire, prepare tea and toast bread. There is no sign we’ve had canine visitors, though we did hear some piercing barks during the night. Saayh and Abdelkrim collect wood, gather the donkeys and load the packs.
We head out. Our path takes many forms: a strip of sand, a stone slab, a
pile of pebbles, a road, a staircase, a mule track.
In the distance, a cypress tree with a huge trunk and twisted limbs that we are told is more than 2,000 years old bears witness to a time when large herbivores (elephants, giraffes, antelopes, hippos), wild cats (cheetahs, panthers) and humans lived here, when animals enjoyed forests, grassy valleys, lakes and rivers. On the way, Agaoued looks for tracks of the Barbary sheep, denizens of the area. “They’re not here,” he almost apologises. “The sun is shining too much.”
As we move eastward the valley of In Attinen rolls out miles of sandstone arches. At one point we
The Tuareg are descendents of the Berber people
pass three beds of stone where a shepherd family was laid to rest; Agaoued pauses to honour them. As we continue, the impression of petrified cities and a dead planet prevails.
Finally, we reach the lost “city” of Sefar, a cave complex that houses nearly 15,000 paintings. They show men guiding herds of oxen, hunters chasing antelopes, women dancing, women with babies on their backs. Two large frescoes— the Great God and The Black Lady evoke mythical heroes and the mysteries of life.
Khadra, who says that the desert offers “the incredible chance to see the day rise, the evening set, to enjoy each moment, to reach humility…to love the world.”
Agaoued sings as we move through the area. Against an azure sky, darkness starting to descend, two crows watch our advance towards the place we’ll camp for the night. “Welcome to the 10,000-star hotel,” says Ibrahim when we arrive. After our evening meal, the Milky Way propels us into infinite dreams.
The next day brings us to a canyon that’s at least as impressive as the US Grand Canyon. Dotted with cypress, oleander, date palms and other acacias, it offers a beautiful overview of the succession of climates—humid, Mediterranean and desert. It brings to mind once more the words of Yasmina
At camp that evening, Agaoued, Ibrahim, Saayh and Abdelkrim serve taguella, a semolina flatbread cooked under the embers, along with hot tea and dried dates. Their smartphones play Tuareg music. “Tonight, we must get to sleep quickly,” our guide says, laughing. That’s because tomorrow, the journey to the Djanet oasis will be long. We’ll be going back down to earth, leaving the Tassili n’Ajjer plateau.
“It is beautiful. It is good!” says Agaoued. Sublime even. n
© 2022, LE FIGARO MAGAZINE. FROM “VOYAGE EN ALGÉRIE DANS LES PAS DES TOUAREGS, GARDIENS DE LA PRÉHISTOIRE” BY ALICE BROUARD, LE FIGARO MAGAZINE (JANUARY 27, 2023). LEFIGARO.FR
Our reader Sarah Warburton takes a magical trip through Lapland by bus, admiring the jagged mountains and frozen fjords
Iscanned the frosted silhouette of Tromsø harbour for the final time, taking in the motionless black water, the bevy of deserted fishing vessels and the bulk of the passenger ferry slumbering at the quayside.
Hat, gloves, coat, overtrousers, scarf pulled over my face—check. And out I ventured into the bitter early morning under a moonlit sky scattered with a million stars. I was part way through my dream holiday to Lapland. The day’s agenda was a journey by bus and train from
Tromsø, Norway, to Abisko, Sweden, via Narvik, and I had no idea what a magical experience it would turn out to be.
The silence of the sleeping city was broken only by the hurried, rhythmic crunching of my boots on the crisp snow, trying to make it to the bus before tiny flakes of ice could form on my eyelashes. Despite the early hour, the bus was half full. The aroma of fresh coffee hung in the air as passengers struggled out of unwieldy outer garments, and aluminium foil
rustled as packed breakfasts were unwrapped against a backdrop of hushed conversation.
Leaving behind the deserted city streets, the bus glided over the snow-packed roads. We passed lonely wooden houses adrift on hillsides, windows illuminated by candles burning bright, and craning my neck to look upwards, I saw the outlines of jagged mountain peaks and frozen fjords bordered by dark skeletal trees. I was spellbound by the fairytale scenery.
The bus stopped frequently collecting scarlet-cheeked schoolchildren wrapped in bulky coats and glum commuters with glazed eyes, seemingly oblivious to the beauty all around. Clearly, this wasn’t an adventure for them as it was for me!
Nearing Narvik, the road hugged the sides of a deep, black fjord, and once at the railway station, I shivered along a well-trodden pathway through the knee-high snow, gratefully hopping into my train’s toasty carriage. As soon as we set off, the train climbed, clinging to the steep mountain sides, as I looked back at the now distant fjord. The track-side snow deepened, often reaching the window ledges of the colourful buildings in villages with not a soul in sight. I had never seen so much snow, and I couldn’t tear myself away from the unfolding scenery as we trundled along.
As we continued into Sweden, the low midday sun cast an ethereal glow as villages and vast plains hidden under duvets of snow morphed into fir tree forests etched on a watercolour sky, and my eyes widened in wonder as I spotted a hulking moose weaving its lazy way through the trees, casting a wary glance at the passing train before ambling onwards.
All too soon, the train chugged into its destination and, reluctantly, I gathered my belongings, ready for the next part of my trip. While I wasn’t lucky enough to witness the Northern Lights in Abisko, I did so later on in my trip. But I will never forget the magical journey I took that day across an Arctic fairytale wonderland. n
Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it, we’ll pay £50. Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk
If you fInd yourself one sunny day walking along the Martwa Wisła River in Gdansk, heading north from the Old Town, you will notice the colourful building facades eventually give way to rising cranes and multiple semi-abandoned buildings. Here lies the Gdansk Shipyard, whose legacy extends far beyond shipbuilding—in fact, it’s the site of the beginning of the fall of Communism in Eastern Europe.
Formerly known as Lenin Shipyard, it was founded in 1946 on the sites of former German shipyards and began life as a centre for maritime trade and shipbuilding. On August 7, 1980, crane operator Anna Walentynowicz was fired for participating in the illegal trade union, five months before she was due to retire. This enraged the workers, and 17,000 ship builders went on strike on August 14. Among their numbers was Lech Wał esa, who had helped to organise protests in the 1970s and went on to become the President of Poland in 1990—the country’s first freely elected head of state in 63 years. The 1980 strikes would lead to the signing of the Gdansk
Agreement on August 31, which recognised the right to organise free trade unions independent of the Party for the first time in the Communist bloc.
Today, parts of the shipyard still function under private ownership. You can wander freely, and amid the old warehouses and rusted boats you might find other treasures, such as quirky art installations, heavy metal festivals or an oldstyle workers’ canteen. Here, you can treat yourself to a well-earned zapiekanka, a popular Polish street food made from half a baguette, toasted and topped with mushrooms and melted cheese. If you want to dig a little deeper into the past, head to the European Solidarity Centre, a museum devoted to the history of Solidarity and other opposition movements of Communist Eastern Europe. It is open weekdays (excluding Tuesdays) from 10am to 5pm, and weekends from 10am to 6pm.
By Alice Gawthrop
(Left) Lech Wałesa; (Right) A Polish zapiekanka
PRIZES OF UP TO TO BE WON £1,000
Our 100-word-story competition is your chance to show the world your story-telling talents
There are three categories—one for adults and two for schools: one for children aged 12–18 and one for children under 12. Your stories should be original, unpublished and exactly 100 words—not a single word shorter or longer! Entries are now open. The editorial team will pick a shortlist of three in each category and post them online on February 1, 2024. You can vote for your favourite, and the one with the most votes will scoop the top prize. Voting will close on February 29, 2024 and winners will be published in our May 2024 issue. Visit readersdigest.co.uk/inspire/enter-our-100-word-story-competition-2023 to enter.
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It’s always a huge frustration to find something you buy at full price that later gets discounted. Often it’s a gift you bought just before the Christmas price drop and the new year sales kick in. But it could easily happen to anything you buy all year around, whether for yourself or someone else.
With gifts it’s not like you can wait for the sales—it’ll be odd to exchange gifts once the tree’s been taken down or a week after the birthday candles have been blown out!
And though you might be able to delay some purchases, you run the risk that they’ll be sold out before the sales come around, particularly anything in a popular size or limited editions.
And, of course, sometimes you just need something when you need it, which means you may pay more even though you know that reductions could be around the corner.
But sometimes it’s possible to hack your shopping so you can buy when you need to and still take advantage of those discounts if they come along soon after.
There are a few ways to do this. The first applies to most retailers and it’s very simple. You buy something at full price, and if it’s later reduced, you take back the original for a refund and then buy it again.
You’ll need to check individual returns policies as these will vary— some retailers might not even accept returns. Watch out for time restrictions on returns, and also check if you will get money back or just store credit. If you’re buying online you’ll be able to return anything within 14 days of receiving it, no questions asked. But do be careful of a shipping charge.
Of course it’ll need to be unused and in its original condition, so this won’t work for all gifts you buy or anything you wear or use.
Next up is price matching after purchase. You might already know about price matching when you buy. Certain retailers will lower their selling price if you can find the exact same item for less
Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash
elsewhere. Well, some will do this after you buy too!
There will be restrictions, such as only being able to use prices at certain retailers (Amazon is often excluded as a comparison), and there’s often a short time window for this—perhaps just a week.
Some of the shops doing this include All Beauty, AO, Blacks, Boots (on electrical beauty products only), Currys and Richer Sounds.
So, if you choose to buy at these shops in the first place (and do check you can’t price match then too), you might be able to get a partial refund after. A quick way to find out about any subsequent price drops is to use a price alert tool. Price Spy and Idealo are both worth a look. Just add the product you bought and ask
for email alerts if the price goes down. They won’t, however, cover all retailers so you might want to check any significant ones that are missing.
You also need to be sure the other shop is selling the exact same product. A slight variation in colour or size will rule you out—that’s partially why you might find subtly different models available in different shops.
I’ve been caught out before because a shirt had different colour buttons! But I’ve used this on all sorts of things, including pricey white goods and tech where the savings can be huge.
Finally, you can use price matching when a retailer cuts its own prices. The big name here is John Lewis. Though the department store ended
its “Never knowingly undersold” policy in 2022, the little known Price Drop Promise is still running.
You have 35 days after purchase to request any reductions they make themselves. If you bought online you need to fill in a form online too. If it’s in-store then you can return to the shop or call up.
It’s rare to find this at other retailers, but the likes of Amazon and Currys have previously offered this during big pre-Christmas sales. So, if you bought anything recently, it’s worth checking to see not only whether this policy applies, but also if the price has fallen.
Where you might come unstuck with all these methods is there’s no guarantee that what you buy will be reduced in the given time frame, if at all. You should be happy to still shell out for the full price if you’re buying something, especially those things that you will be gifting or using straight away.
Plus if the items you buy have sold out before the sales start, then they won’t be available for the retailer either to then reduce—and for you to claim some money back—so it won’t solve the issue of missing out on anything popular or a limited edition.
Of course, if prices don’t fall, and you’ve not used the item, then you can still return the initial purchase for a full refund. Just make sure you do, otherwise you’ll end up paying that full price for nothing.
Remember, though, you should still shop around in the first place. You might be able to get an unbeatable bargain upfront at a different retailer—and that will save you a lot of admin later on.
But if a decent deal is available from a shop that also offers a price drop or price match after purchase (or lets you return it for a full refund), it will mean you have the chance of further savings if the price does later fall. n
On January 10, 1863, the world’s very first underground railway opened for business—deep below the bustling streets of London. The London Underground’s first railway line ran between Farringdon Street and Paddington, with the first two trains carrying an exclusive group of between 600 and 700 guests. In an address to these pioneering travellers, MP Mr Lowe highlighted the need for underground railways as an antidote for London traffic, “the opprobrium of the age”
SOURCE: BRITISHNEWSPAPERARCHIVE.CO.UK
One of the main things you may be wondering as you plan your finances for the year ahead is whether you are eligible for any budget-boosting financial solutions
Releasing equity can be a great way for homeowners over the age of 55 to fulfil their goals. With the UK’s most popular equity release product, a Lifetime Mortgage, you can borrow a tax-free cash sum from the value of your property and use it to achieve your goals.
If you are considering this financial option, there are a number of simple eligibility criteria to consider in addition to your age.
Your eligibility checklist: Reader’s Digest Equity Release are on hand to provide you with all of the details you may need, so you can discover whether releasing equity with a Lifetime Mortgage could be right for you.
The friendly UK-based Information Team can talk you through whether you qualify, or whether a different solution might be more suitable. Your initial phone conversation with the team is designed to last around ten minutes and will help to screen you and your property before you sit down with an expert adviser.
The Information Team will:
• Check that your property is worth at least £70,000 and that you wish to release at least £10,000.
• Find out whether you are mortgage-free, or able to clear your mortgage when you release equity. This is because you cannot simply take out a Lifetime Mortgage in addition to your current mortgage. Many people choose to use the funds they release to achieve this.
• Talk you through some of the criteria your property must meet, including ensuring it is your main residence and that there aren’t any restrictions on who can purchase it.
Once the Information Team have determined you are good to go, they can arrange for you to have a no-obligation appointment with an adviser. You’ll be matched with an adviser local to you, who can answer any further questions you may have, confirm and recommend products that might be suitable for you, and help you through the application process.
Your adviser will also be able to explain that releasing equity will reduce the value of your estate and could affect your entitlement to means-tested benefits, whilst helping you to explore the Lifetime Mortgage features that could mitigate the impacts of these risks.
If we’re getting fit in the New Year, maybe we should be helping our pets to as well
LIKE HUMANS, being overweight can have consequences for our pet’s health, both short term and long term. Studies have shown that overweight dogs do not live as long and are more prone to illnesses that spoil their quality of life, such as arthritis, breathing difficulties, heart problems and diabetes. There is a risk of killing your pet with kindness.
Does your pet have a potbelly?
Viewed from above, does your dog have a waist—that is, does the body taper after the rib cage? Can you easily feel your dog’s ribs? No waist, a bit of a paunch, and a wellcushioned ribcage means it is time to take action.
You can use this tool to check your dog’s body score and see if they are at the correct weight—ukpetfood. org/resource/dog-weight-size-ometer.html
Getting a pet into better shape
Using special caloriecontrolled food from the vet is usually the most effective way of losing weight and well worth considering. These diets
are formulated to make your pet feel full and to ensure that they have all the nutrients they need for fewer calories. Many vets run weight control clinics providing regular check-ups. They are often free of charge, and help to ensure that the diet is working at the correct rate.
Make a record of everything— including table scraps and treats— that your dog eats for a few days. This is often valuable in highlighting “extras”. A dog that does not seem to eat much dog food probably still has an appetite for sausages!
With calorie-controlled food from the vet, you will be advised how much to feed daily. This will be for the target weight—not the current weight—of your dog. It is best to weigh food out daily. Many dry diets come with calibrated scoops but it is easy to overfill these. You can reduce hunger by feeding two or three times a day, so long as you don’t go above the daily recommended amount. If you must feed treats, either take these out of the daily ration, or
choose low-calorie items, such as a piece of carrot, apple or rice cake. It’s usually recommended to reduce calorie intake by 10-20 per cent and to aim for a bodyweight reduction of one to two per cent per week. Weigh your pet regularly and repeat body condition scoring—the correct weight is when their BCS is 3/5. Remember non-fattening treats too, such as going for a walk, playing a game or simply stroking and giving attention. They last longer than food, help to strengthen your relationship more and are good for your health too.
Going to the gym
Increasing exercise alone is not enough, although it is helpful.
Start gradually, and be careful with how much you exercise elderly pets. Older pets should see the vet first. Little and often is the safest way to start. Consult your vet right away if you notice your dog is limping or struggling with exercise.
Try to take your dog out at least twice a day, and start to introduce active games while you’re out with them. Increase the activity level for your dog at home as well. Buy toys in which you can hide food, such as buster cubes, but remember to deduct the “treat” from the daily food allowance.
READER’S DIGEST’S PET OF THE MONTH
Age: Five months
Breed: Tabby
For more expert pet advice from Blue Cross, visit bluecross.org.uk
Owner: Zenda Madge and Finley Madge
Fun Fact: She is very funny, from her squeals of excitement when she has a favourite visitor to the speed at which she races down stairs at the sound of a jigsaw puzzle (she likes to steal the pieces).
Email your pet’s picture to petphotos@readersdigest.co.uk
Enter our monthly Pet of the Month contest at the email above
The Style Sisters explain how to clean, tidy and organise your house for the year ahead
After the Christmas decorations have been taken down and put into storage, it’s the ideal time to take a step back and see how else we can overhaul our homes to create tidy, organised spaces. From duplicate pans to cumbersome clothes hangers and underbed storage, professional organisers, Style Sisters, are here to help with their advice and home de-cluttering hacks to kick-start an orderly January.
The living room is a place you should be able to relax, spend time with family and unwind. It’s important for this space to be calm and inviting. It should be
functional and free from clutter, and we always recommend having a good detox so that you can make sure only items that are supposed to be in there are in there! Storage is key, especially if space is an issue in the home or if the room is used for items like storing toys for children. Consider decorative storage baskets, side boards with plenty of storage or even a media wall or bookshelves with doors—perfect to hide the clutter from view.
We use our kitchens every day and it is often the heart of the home.
Clearing out items regularly from the kitchen helps you stay on top of any food that might be out of date or nearing its sell-by date. This applies
to cutlery and crockery too—keep the space practical. It helps to group like-minded items together to keep track of what you have and prevent yourself from over-purchasing. Also, when organising your kitchen, think about the flow of the space; put plates close to where you plate up, spices near the cooker and so on.
There are a variety of space-saving items available on the market for the bathroom so it’s easy to create an organised space. Consider over-thedoor storage for towels, and cabinets designed for under the sink are a great space saver. Shower caddies and slim line, free-standing caddies are all great too.
Like the kitchen, the bathroom can quickly become cluttered with products. To prevent this, we recommend a ruthless detox, eliminating products you no longer use or need; it’s a great time to check expiry dates too. This goes for makeup too—beauty products aren’t always cheap, and we tend to hold onto them “just in case”. Be sure to prioritise, and if you don’t like it, gift it to someone while it’s still in date. Space is precious!
The bedroom should be your sanctuary and a space to completely
relax. Having a calm and uncluttered room will help you unwind and get a good night’s sleep. Use storage that prevents items from being on show— the less your eyes are drawn to items the better, as this will help you switch off. Decorative storage that matches the interior also allows the space to flow as one.
Make the most of underbed storage—there are so many great organisers for clothing, accessories and shoes. Try and find one that is fully covered to avoid dust but also has a clear top so you can see everything at a quick glance. A simple way to create calm and order in your drawers is with dividers; use them for jewellery, underwear, sunglasses and scarves. There are lots of affordable ones on the high street. If you’re on a budget, use old shoe boxes.
In the wardrobe try using slim hangers, as opposed to chunky ones that take up space. You can also assess what clothes need to go into storage and what to keep in your wardrobe—try pointing all the hangers in one direction and when you wear an item, turn it the other way. In a few months, you’ll have a visual of the items you’re not wearing; these can be vacuum sealed and put in the loft, taken to the charity shop, or sold. n
As told to Felicity Carter
From types of champagne and wine to cocktails and mocktails, Paola Westbeek recommends different drinks for your New Year’s Eve party
Paola Westbeek is a food, wine and travel journalist who has tasted her way through Europe, interviewing chefs, visiting vineyards and reviewing restaurants. Her work has appeared in FRANCE Magazine and other publications
After hosting the most eagerly anticipated dinners and cocktail parties of the year, I’m certainly up for a more informal gathering with friends and family come New Year’s Eve. For me, the evening of December 31 should be a casual culmination of what can sometimes be a demanding month. So, rather than striving to spoil my guests with another perfectly orchestrated feast, I find solace in the ease of the potluck and ask them to bring a favourite dish instead. The drinks are on me. My only concern is that the offerings are both varied and festive.
Unlike with a formal dinner where seamlessly pairing drinks with courses is key, the diversity and element of surprise of the food means there’s no need to worry about taking on the role of sommelier. But what should you serve? And equally important, how much (for a group of eight to ten)? The following tips will take the guesswork out of keeping everyone well hydrated during a relaxed end-of-the-year soirée.
Not everyone is a connoisseur, so don’t spend your money on highend vintages that are too highbrow and complicated. Instead, opt for approachable wines with balanced flavour profiles that pair well with myriad dishes and are delightful on their own. Easy-drinking reds include light-bodied pinot noirs, which generally have softer tannins (meaning a smoother sip) or silky, fruit-forward merlots. When it comes to whites, chenin blanc is a real people-pleaser available in a wide range of styles (from dry to sweet and even sparkling). Perfect as an aperitif, it will complement light dishes, but its pleasant acidity will also cut through richer fare. Count on three bottles of red and three of white. If possible, serve the whites in a large champagne bucket filled with ice.
Hailing from the Champagne region in northeastern France, the most iconic of sparkling wines is, of course, synonymous with New Year’s Eve and the ultimate celebratory tipple. When deciding on which bottles to splurge (count on half a bottle per person), remember that champagne wines—ranging from dry
(brut) to sweet (doux)—can be made with a blend of three main grape varieties, each one adding their own specific characteristics to the cuvée: pinot meunier provides roundness and notes of apple, pear and honey; pinot noir packs a punch adding structure and body with forest fruits and spice; and Chardonnay adds elegance and finesse with white flowers, minerality and citrussy notes. If the bottle reads blanc des blancs, the champagne is only made with chardonnay. Blanc des noirs means it’s made with pinot noir and/ or pinot meunier. Rosé champagnes are made with approximately 15 per cent still red wine.
Good champagne can be expensive, but bear in mind that there are equally appealing bubbles to be found in other winegrowing regions. In fact, the UK produces sparkling wines that are giving the famous French champers a run for Cocktails and mocktails
An essential part of any social gathering, cocktails provide an element of fun and are generally appreciated by everyone. Sure, you could spend the evening shaking and stirring, but a wiser choice would be to make two jugs of a signature cocktail (and two of an alcohol-free version)
so that guests can help themselves. Another idea is to set out a few ingredients along with recipe cards (plus glasses, cocktail stirrers and the like). This way, everyone can make their own temptingly aromatic mixes. Some suggestions:
• Kir Normand (a regional variation of one of the most popular French aperitifs). Add two tablespoons of crème de cassis and two tablespoons of Calvados to a flute and top with chilled sparkling apple cider.
• Aviation (a lavender-hued drink created in New York in 1916). Add three tablespoons of gin, one tablespoon of crème de violette, one tablespoon of maraschino
liqueur and one tablespoon of lemon juice to a mixing glass, top with ice and stir. Strain into a coupe and garnish with a brandied cherry, if desired.
Invest in two large glass beverage dispensers. Fill one with water infused with seasonal ingredients. Delicious combinations include sliced apple, frozen blackberries and rosemary, or sliced citrus fruits, ginger and cinnamon sticks. Fill the other with a punch made with equal parts of cranberry juice, orange juice and ginger ale. Add some lime wedges and frozen cranberries for extra colour and flavour. n
The Big Garden Birdwatch is the UK's largest garden wildlife survey, and takes place this year over the weekend of January 26-28. Spotting and counting birds in the wild is increasingly crucial, as 38 million birds have disappeared from Britain's skies over the last 50 years—due to loss of habitat and climate change. Helping to build up data about Britain's iconic birds is something that we can all do, and this citizen-led ecological project has happened every year since 1979. The RSPB invites you to take part and count the birds in your garden. Some feathered friends to look out for include the house sparrow, the blue tit, the starling, the woodpigeon, the blackbird and the redbreasted robin
SOURCE: RSPB.ORG.UK
Hadrian Garrard is the director of the William Morris Gallery in Walthamstow, London. He talks to us about the gallery’s current exhibition, Radical Landscapes, and its aim to extend the exhibition past the gallery walls into the landscape and local community of Waltham Forest
Can you tell us a bit about your role at the William Morris Gallery? One of the things that I’m most interested in is the role of the gallery as a place for local people, that it becomes a useful, receptive and responsive space. A lot of the work we’re doing now is building our public programme, making new relationships with people who live locally that might not normally come to the gallery.
How do you work with the local community? We wanted to locate Radical Landscapes in the context of Waltham Forest and people’s relationships with the outdoors, so we collaborated with a number of local organisations that are introducing people to outside spaces. We worked with allotment associations and food banks, as well as groups supporting refugees. It turns out there’s a lot of great things happening in this part of London.
Something as huge as climate change can feel quite abstract if you live in a very urban city with limited access to the outdoors, so we want the exhibition to act as an invitation for people to access green space.
Why is a gallery dedicated to William Morris a good space to explore our relationships to nature? One of the most important galleries in the exhibition is dedicated to William Morris’s childhood. When Morris grew up in Walthamstow, it was largely agricultural and rural. He described his childhood as being spent in and around Epping Forest. Growing up there started a whole lifetime of appreciation for nature and of the importance of preserving the landscape. That was really at the core of Morris’s lifetime of work.
You can see it in his designs, but he also wrote a novel called News from Nowhere which is fantasy fiction about a London where the factories
have gone, the smoke has gone, the River Thames runs clear, the people are able to live on and from the land. He wrote many letters to the Evening Standard in the 1800s railing at the levels of pollution he was witnessing in London and the reduction of green space. He was an early environmental campaigner in the middle of the Industrial Revolution.
Do you think art should be political?
The act of putting something out into the public realm carries inherent politics with it, whether that’s your intention or not. Art is an important tool for sharing ideas, opinions and debate. But I think there’s also
something about art being more than that, too. Morris had a very deep, almost spiritual relationship with nature, and I think that’s very present in his work as well as his political opinions on it. I think that’s what makes art powerful, this bringing together of an idea or a position with qualities that also transcend politics.
How does the gallery aim to extend the exhibition beyond the gallery walls? This exhibition acts as an invitation. We’ve provided a map that shows a series of happenings around the gallery, for example a night walk in February in Epping Forest. We want people to get outside and explore, to feel that these spaces are theirs. n
VisittheRadicalLandscapesexhibitionat theWilliamMorrisGalleryuntilFebruary 2024. You can read an extended version of thisinterviewatreadersdigest.co.uk
H H H H
After BAz LuhrmAnn’s glitter-hued Elvis, we get Sofia Coppola’s pinkpastel Priscilla. As you might expect from the director of award-winning Marie Antoinette and Lost in Translation, this is much more than the gentle B-side to Luhrmann’s brash, jazz-hands take on the king of rock ’n’ roll, Elvis Presley.
Sensitive and soulful, as you might expect from a Coppola movie, upfronting the female perspective gives the tried-and-tested Elvis story an illuminating twist. Based on Priscilla Presley’s autobiography Elvis and Me, the film’s focus is on the 15-year-old schoolgirl from Texas who goes from extreme innocence to experience.
Cailee Spaeny ( Pacific Rim Uprisin g) is splendid as Priscilla, who became Elvis’ wife after
meeting on a military base in West Germany, during his mandatory two years in the army. Coppola adroitly captures the maelstrom she’s thrown into, as she moves away from Germany to Elvis’ Graceland home, where he regularly has the guys over to shoot the breeze. Playing Elvis is Australianborn Jacob Elordi ( Saltburn ), who brings just the right snarl and swagger to the role.
While we only get snatches of the King’s music, due to rights issues, Coppola doesn’t hold back when it comes to portraying his volatile temper.
Lushly-made, this is a persuasive look at the melancholy that celebrity can bring.
James Mottram
H H H H
emmA stone stArs in this feverishly funny, feminist twist on the Frankenstein-like idea of humans playing God. Based on the 1992 novel by Alasdair Gray, Poor Things is a Victorian-era confection that rips open the bustier of the corset drama and has its naughty way with it. Reuniting with her fiercely inventive director on 2018’s Oscar-winning The Favourite, Yorgos Lanthimos, Stone plays Bella, a suicide victim who is rescued by a mad scientist, Dr Godwin Baxter (Willem Dafoe) and revived, thanks to a controversial transplant. As she begins to learn language and other skills in the most idiosyncratic way, Bella becomes
increasingly aware of her place in the world.
Co-starring Ramy Youssef and Mark Ruffalo, as two very different men who come into her orbit, the film benefits from Tony McNamara’s bawdy and frequently hilarious script, Robbie Ryan’s refreshingly cockeyed cinematography and the scratchy, almost invasive score by Jerskin Fendrix. No words, however, can quite communicate the sheer lunacy of this film or the queasy way it’s been put together. Stone is a force of nature here, offering up a dextrous turn that pushes her physical and linguistic boundaries. While the end result is a little overlong, the self-indulgence can be permitted for such a unique, out-there offering.
James Mottramhow good is sLow horses (Apple TV+)?
This good: the plot of the hit spy show’s third series—torn from Mick Herron’s “Real Tigers”—is almost as dishevelled as Gary Oldman’s dissolute spymaster Jackson Lamb, an altogether rickety affair involving conspiracy theories, private security forces, internal MI5 power struggles and the shortestlived guest star in recent TV history. It barely matters, so long as showrunner Will Smith (the stand-up turned Veep writer, not the disgraced Oscarwinner) sustains the cherishably, often pricelessly tetchy interactions between series regulars; indeed, this may now be the most characterful show around: funny in a dry, distinctively British way (on being ambushed, one agent moans, “I wish we’d stayed in the pub.”) First among equals: Oldman himself, having visible fun not just with the role, but with each fart and cigarette and every withering insult. Joyous.
Christmas is traditionally a pause to consider those less fortunate, and to mainline hours of telly—so why not combine both with series two of Time (iPlayer)? The first series of Jimmy McGovern’s prison drama detailed the bond between inmate Sean Bean and guard Stephen Graham; the second— co-written by McGovern with Helen Black—unfolds at a women’s prison, introducing varyingly troubled cellmates Tamara Lawrence, Bella Ramsey and Jodie Whittaker (continuity is provided by Siobhan Finneran, a model of patience as a just-transferred chaplain). Charting one turbulent year of porridge, the show continues to balance conflict with supreme empathy, as proximity to others grants these women renewed insight into their own struggles. Three episodes hardly seems time enough for characters and performances this forceful. Yet you’ll still be thinking about them well into the New Year.
(iPlayer)
WorzelGummidge(TalkingPicturesTV)
A gift for Jon Pertwee fans: the late actor’s most memorable shows have made their streaming TV debut in time for the holidays.
As the cLocks strike midnight one by one on New Year’s Eve, one song will ring out loudest from the world’s thronging crowds—”Auld Lang Syne”, the Scots ode to good times past.
Most will know that “Auld Lang Syne” was first set to paper by Robert Burns—though he claimed he was not its original author. He sent the poem to the Scots Musical Museum in 1788 with the note: “The following song, an old song, of the olden times, and which has never been in print, nor even in manuscript until I took it down from an old man.”
Thanks to the Scottish diaspora which carried its traditions to the United States, Canada and New Zealand—snatches of “Auld Lang Syne” are prolific in history. William Lloyd Garrison wrote “The Song of the Abolitionist” to its tune. In Jamaica, on August 1, 1838, a Mrs Campbell claimed that thousands of liberated slaves adapted it into a freedom song. In the First World War, soldiers sang “We are here because we are here” in a resigned melody.
The New Year’s Eve tradition emerged in 19th-century London at St Paul’s, where
Scottish expats belted out the words together. “To miss it in the eyes of some Scots would amount to little less than a crime,” one paper wrote. An increasingly connected world propelled the song’s spread. The inventor of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell, sang it down the mouthpiece to demonstrate the tech. In 1929, bandleader Guy Lombardo began the tradition of playing “Auld Lang Syne” in Times Square, first on radio and then TV, earning him the nickname “Mr New Year’s Eve”.
Burns’ poem is now so notorious that in some places it has shed its Scottish roots. Soviet Russia reappropriated Burns as the “people’s poet”, helped in part by his “Russian father” Samuil Marshak (whose translations included the retitled “Old Friendship”).
Robert Burns
Today, “Auld Lang Syne” is the second most sung song in English—quite the feat for a Scots poem. Not all who cross their arms will know the words, nor their meaning, but all can revel in the tribute to friendship and the memories that bind us.
Becca InglisA collection of magical novellas and the story of the end of the Enlightenment are Miriam Sallon’s top literary picks this month
Maiden, Mother,Crone by Joanne Harris is published in hardback by Gollancz at £25
Maiden, Mother, Crone is a collation of three previously published novellas with three new short stories, all based on The Child Ballads, a collection of English and Scottish folk tales dating as far back as the 13th century. The stories have everything you want from an old
folk tale: love, revenge, magic, mystery and that glorious quality of an un-Disneyfied fairytale grim tragedy. These are by no means faithful retellings of the tales, but as Harris tells us in the introduction, “stories that cannot change are doomed to die and to be forgotten.”
The first tale, “A Pocketful of Crows”, tells of a “travelling” girl—
both in the usual sense, and in the ability to leap into other creatures and travel inside of them. She falls in love with a handsome prince and allows herself to be tamed, losing her magic and freedom. Of course, he breaks her heart and she’s then left powerless and heartbroken—but not for long.
The second novella, “The Blue Salt Road”, is about the selkie folk, who shift between seal and human. In this story, Harris allows herself a much more modern ending—not quite happy, but certainly more diplomatic than any versions I’ve come across. I won’t give it away, but the story is a delightful combination of selfish, guttural cruelty and empathy for all.
In the third novella, titled “Orfeia”, Harris throws the text away a little. Loosely following a couple of ballads, and vaguely reminiscent of the Orpheus myth, it’s the only story set in the 21st century, although it quickly swerves into the fantastical with only a mention or two of a modern London.
Each main plot is followed by a complementary short story, often simply a different version of the same ballad, giving a glimpse of how many ways each tale could be told; how un-possessive the author must be with stories that have been around in one form or another for hundreds of years. This is perfect chilly winter reading, evoking images of stories told by the fireside and passed from one generation to the next. n
Can you guess the fictional character from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?
1. This character is known for his charismatic and charming demeanour, often convincing people to join him in his endeavours.
2. He has a deep connection to Norse mythology, and his true identity is revealed to be the one-eyed All-Father.
3. Throughout the story, he recruits individuals with unique skills and talents for a mysterious and grand purpose, weaving a complex web of alliances.
Answer on p138
RECOMMENDED READ:
The major voices of the tail-end of the Enlightenment are highlighted and examined by Richard Whatmore
This is not a book for beginners. If you only have a vague knowledge of the Enlightenment, just about know that the French had a revolution, and take most of your facts about the USA’s independence from Hamilton, you will be lost. Whatmore spares little thought for the amateur enthusiast who would need a thorough glossary to explain Smith’s mercantile system, Hume’s perfect commonwealth, and Rousseau’s social contract, as well as all the pre- and proceeding wars, the monarchy changes, and whatever was going on in the Dutch Republic, Spain and Italy.
On the other hand, if you already know your Brissot from your Burke, your Pitt from your Petty, this is an exhaustive and fascinating read on how the
Enlightenment came to a bleak and grizzly end.
Whatmore takes us through each of the major voices remaining at the tail-end of the Enlightenment, exploring their origins and the philosophical journeys each of them necessarily took as the volatile politics of the late 1700s scuppered their beautiful ideals.
While each man and woman claims to fly the Enlightenment flag, it’s fascinating how at odds they were
Edmund Burke
on major subjects such as slavery, colonialism and monarchy. That being said, it’s also interesting how much they claimed to be at odds over differences that now seem subtle to the point of non-existent. There are also some major inconsistencies in argument: Burke, for example, “was horrified at the upsurge of xenophobic patriotism” while also accusing Native Americans of being “cannibals and torturers”; Wollstonecraft argued that while a woman was equal to a man, her place was firmly domestic, all this argued while she herself was propositioning a married couple with a ménage à trois. Whatmore doesn’t really spend much time analysing these hypocrisies, presumably because they’re clear as day, but it might have been interesting to see them all laid side by side, just so we could see quite how unfinished and abstract each of these philosophers’ and polemicists’ ideas were.
It’s amazing that the Enlightenment is such a vast subject that even a book simply covering its very end is absolutely rammed with facts and ideas. If you take nothing else from this book, you will at least understand how little you understand. n
in
by
Lane at £30
“
The general and accepted meaning of the Enlightenment today is that it was a great leap forward in the capacity of humans to control nature, generate wealth and direct their own destinies. It was, so the story goes, a crowning feat of progress and rationality, associated with some of the greatest philosophers such as Spinoza and Kant.
Liberal values expanded, revolutions replaced tyrannical governments and the first shoots of democracy, human rights and constitutionalism began to establish themselves, gradually spreading first across Europe, then North America and then, ultimately, across the rest of the Earth. The assumption is that optimism was the dominant Enlightenment register, not because contemporaries were uncritical, but because they were sure that so much could be solved by the exercise of reason that a future could be forged embodying progress. Such a picture of the 18th century has become so rooted
in educated minds that almost all scholars embrace this framework when studying the era. It is equally the point of departure for those who reject the Enlightenment for being overly imperialist, colonialist, racist or capitalist.
Sometimes the present prevents us from understanding the past. Precisely this has happened in the case of the Enlightenment.
Its story remains the inspiration for many actors in public life, and in politics it is regularly called on to validate stances taken today.
The Enlightenment is widely described as the positive origin of our world, a shared Western heritage, emulated in progressive societies and required globally if the human race is to solve some of the enormous problems it presently faces. The mission of defending Enlightenment values against barbarians at the gates continues to
NAME THE CHARACTER:
In Neil Gaiman’s American Gods, Mr Wednesday, a shrewd and mysterious character, embodies the Norse god Odin, skilfully maneuvering through the complexities of the modern world with charm and manipulation. This literary creation later served as the inspiration for the acclaimed TV series bearing the same title.
inspire politicians and their followers. Countless historians have traced the origins of modernity—our world—back to the Enlightenment. There are continuities, of course, but in doing so they tend to confuse the crucial context of that historical moment. In order to understand contemporary predicaments, it is indeed vital to ask Michel Foucault’s question, “What, then, is this event that is called the Enlightenment, that has determined, at least in part, what we are, what we think, and what we do today?”
If attacks upon the Enlightenment have tended to share the claim that it represents the origin of the modern world, they often then go on to blame 18th-century ideas for leading to or for justifying 20th-century tragedies and crimes. Criticisms of the Enlightenment were initially focused upon a perceived gap between Enlightenment values and religious commitment or social order. Religion and order were seen to be the basis of progress or peace, often in accordance with God’s providential plan for humanity.
Such arguments, that the Enlightenment created a secular world and therefore social and intellectual chaos, persist into modern philosophy. In the 1950s, the Enlightenment was blamed for the rise of tyrannical communist societies—the ineluctable search for perfectibility at any cost was often traced back to the 18th century.
Chuck Palahniuk is an American novelist, best known for his debut novel Fight Club, which was adapted into the now iconic film of the same name. His new book, Not Forever, But For Now is out now
The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald There’s a literary structure I think of as “the martyr, the murdered and the witness”. In TheGreatGatsby, Myrtle Wilson throws herself in front of Gatsby’s car, so she is the martyr. Jay Gatsby is murdered. Nick Caraway goes back to the Midwest as the witness. It’s a pattern that teaches moderation. You don’t want to be the obedient character who kills themselves. You don’t want to be too radical like Gatsby, else the world will kill you. You want to be Caraway, that witnessing character that learns from the flaws of the other two extremes.
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell I first read this book when I dropped out of college and spent a year in the Dominican Republic with some friends just living this beach lifestyle. The only book I could find was Gone With the Wind. It was the first time I recognised how powerful it is to have a character who states something very wrong in the beginning. Scarlett O’Hara’s first line in the book is that there won’t be any war. From our vantage point, we know how wrong she is. Our hearts instantly go out to her, because we know there is going to be a huge war and this character has no idea what she is going to have to suffer. It’s an effective way of pulling the reader in, in this very nurturing, protecting way.
Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin I was a correspondent with Ira Levin and it was such a joy. My secret theory is that Rosemary’s Baby is about the thalidomide crisis. The world was not really able to deal with the horror of so many children affected by thalidomide. I think that Ira Levin was looking for a metaphor for expressing that horror. Throughout the book, there are these very small clues that suggest that the baby will be deformed in the way that thalidomide deformed newborn babies. I think Levin could never say that out loud for fear of being vilified, but that’s my theory. My book, NotForever,ButForNow also grapples with legacy and intergenerational relationships. It’s a book about empire.
Is an iPad as good as a computer, asks James O'Malley
Since Apple firSt launched the iPad in 2010, it has been a device in the middle of an identity crisis. Is it essentially a jumbo-sized phone? Or is it a computer? Or is it something new entirely?
This might sound like a silly nerd debate—a modern equivalent to “Is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biscuit?”, or “Is Die Hard a Christmas film?”—but it’s an important question for both Apple and people who use their products.
Why? Because the purpose tells the designers what they should be aiming for. If the iPad is a big phone, then it should be better designed for consumption—tasks like watching videos, reading books and scrolling social media. But if it’s instead a serious work computer, then Apple should be working hard to make sure it is a great device to use for emails, video calls, writing documents and editing spreadsheets.
As things stand, Apple’s answer to this question isn’t obvious. But if you look at how the iPad has evolved over the years, you get a sense that Apple’s thinking has evolved from the former to the latter. The first iPad was promoted as a place to read digital magazines and books, but more recently Apple has been majoring on the "productivity" features that help business people work.
And in my experience, it has actually got pretty good at this. Over the last few years, my iPad has
become my go-to device for going on trips and for meetings outside of the home. If I’m meeting a colleague, it’s just as good for tapping out a few notes as a "full-size" laptop would be. And it's certainly a great device for going through my emails on the train, or for sitting back in an armchair to read and review a PDF or another long document.
This raises an interesting question:
could your next "computer" be an iPad? In fact, that was a question posed by Apple’s marketing a couple of years ago, when it ran ads with the simple tagline: “Your next computer is not a computer”.
So, could I go without a "real" computer and just use my iPad? Unfortunately for Apple, I don’t think it is quite there yet. And I think this becomes apparent once you try and do some real-world work.
For example, if you have a traditional laptop, then the chances are that you’ll have multiple apps open at once. Perhaps you’ll have your emails, Microsoft Word and a
web browser running, so that as you write you can easily reference the document that your colleague sent to you—or research ideas for the important report that you’re writing.
But on an iPad, this is much harder to do. This isn’t just because most of the time the screen is smaller than a typical laptop (the standard iPad has an 11-inch screen, the larger model 13-inch); it is because the iPad device is designed primarily for selection by our big fat fingers, and not a precise little mouse-pointer.
Interfaces are typically less dense—meaning either fewer features or less space to fit everything into. I’ve found this most annoying when trying to navigate spreadsheets in both Google Sheets and Microsoft Excel. Though I can view them on my iPad, which can be useful, editing is simply unwieldy compared to a computer. Especially because often app developers, even of tools like Google Docs and Microsoft Office, don’t tend to include all of the tools from the desktop versions of their apps on the iPad.
However, the most annoying problem is at a more philosophical level, and it comes down to how the
James is a technology writer and journalist. A former editor of tech website Gizmodo UK, James can be found mostly on Twitter posting jokes of variable quality @Psythor
iPad handles things behind the scenes. On a traditional computer, if you open too many apps, your computer will typically just slow down if you try to use them all at once.
But the iPad tries to be smart to make its battery last longer. So to create the illusion that it is always whizzy and fast, if you open too many apps it will simply…close the apps you’ve not used for a while.
Most of the time, you might not even notice this. Some apps are cleverly designed so that when you reopen them, they open up whatever you were looking at or working on last. But not all are as smart. In my experience, if you’re flipping between multiple apps, you’ll quickly start to notice this. For example, when writing this on my iPad, when I’d flick over to Twitter for a few minutes, and then flip back, the page kept scrolling back to the top, instead of remaining where I left it.
So is the iPad really ready to be your next computer? If all you need is something to check your emails, make a few notes and browse Facebook…then maybe. But if you’re trying to do something a little bit more serious, like me, when I wrote this column, perhaps you’re best sticking with a traditional computer for a little longer. n
Q: How can I use my phone to pay for my shopping?
A: It’s not so long ago that contactless card payments were exciting and new, but the technology is already old-hat. The new, better way to pay for things in shops? By using your phone to make a contactless payment—and if your bank supports it (it probably does), it is well worth setting up on your phone.
Why? Because it’s significantly more secure than the flimsy piece of plastic in your wallet. This is because, traditionally, when you pay with a card tap or use a chip and pin machine, ultimately the shop you are buying from will be noting down all of your card details, so it knows which bank account to take the money from.
And this could be a problem—it means that if the shop is hacked, or plays fast and loose with its data, you could inadvertently find your card number exposed to the world.
Phone payments, by contrast, are smarter: when you tap to pay with your device, it generates a unique
ID number for that transaction and sends that instead. So you can pay for your goods, the shop can get your money, and no one needs to share any sensitive data. Brilliant.
It’s also more effective against the threat of rogue taps. If a pickpocket steals your card they can immediately go on a spending spree. But if they get your phone and try to pay with it, it will typically perform a biometric check—it will ask for a fingerprint or use the camera to look at your face and check that you are who you say you are.
Phone payments are increasingly convenient too: because of this added security, the limit is typically higher than for contactless cards. In the UK, it’s around £100 for most retailers—though some shops, including most supermarkets, let you spend much more with just a tap of the phone.
Want to give it a try? All you’ll need is an iPhone that has either a fingerprint sensor or FaceID (except for the iPhone 5S), or if you have an Android you’ll have to check with your manufacturer— though if you’ve upgraded your phone any time in the last five years, chances are that you’re good to go.
Then to actually set things up, go to your Wallet app and follow the instructions.
illustration by Daniel GarciaTypically this starts by scanning your card with your phone, and it will automatically recognise the numbers and connect with your bank. Here, setup varies depending on your bank’s requirements, but this usually means an extra step where you have to accept terms and conditions and then receive a text message with a special code on it.
And then, well, you’re done. Just go to the shops and when you pay, hold your phone over the payment machine (sometimes your phone will make you press a button—for example, the iPhone will have you double tap the standby button on the side), and pay for your goods. Easy! n
Email all your tech questions for James to readersletters@ readersdigest.co.uk
“You’re a candidate for glaucoma,” the optometrist told me the other day. “Candidate” sounds rather grand, as if I’m in the running for a PhD. I wondered if, like a university degree, I could abandon my candidacy, but, alas, glaucoma apparently runs its own race.
“Don’t worry,” said the optometrist. “It’s not that you have glaucoma, just that we need to keep an eye on it.”
I’d like to report that he chuckled at his sight-related pun. Instead, the young optometrist flashed the concerned but understanding look you become used to receiving once you are over 60.
The medical profession has taken a collective look at me and decided I am about to fall apart. Every single doctor and specialist I see is convinced that the author of my
demise will be the disease in which they happen to have expertise.
The optometrist wants to see me once a year, the skin cancer fellow wants to see me at six-month intervals, and the physiotherapist wants to see me once a month. The dentist, who I last saw three years ago, sends me monthly reminders of increasing disappointment and barely concealed anger. My family doctor needs to check my blood pressure before more pills are issued. If I were him, I’d check the dentist’s blood pressure too.
I wonder why my medical team can’t develop an annual pit stop, much like a mechanic who checks my oil (cholesterol), replaces my brake pads (knees) and refocuses the headlights (eyes) all at once.
I’m not saying the medical folks don’t mean well. I’m not saying they are using me as one might use a cash machine to make regular withdrawals. I’m not saying they have private school fees to pay. They’ve studied my odds, I’m sure, and they know I need help.
All the same, being over 60 feels like a full-time occupation. “What do you do?” a kindly young person might ask at a party. “Oh, I’m over 60,” I reply. “That means medical appointments most mornings, an operation or two every year and vaccinations as if I were a pincushion. I fit in paid employment as best I can.”
At this point, the young person discovers they need to go and get
another beer. It’s not just the medical appointments; unless he has been given the gift of baldness, a man over 60 needs a haircut at least once every five weeks.
There was a time when I’d wait three months between cuts and, in that period, move from tidy to trendy. No longer. Once you are over 60, a two-week extension past your normal hair appointment starts to matter. It’s the difference between “wellpreserved old dog” and “crazed conspiracy theorist.”
Keeping my weight under control is another full-time occupation. Luckily, my wife Jocasta and I have been watching the Australian version of the TV series Alone, in which contestants try to survive in the wilderness with limited tools. The smart ones put on one or two stone beforehand, so they can survive on their “stores.”
Now, whenever Jocasta queries my second serving of dessert or third beer, I tell her that I’m in training for the next series of Alone. “You never know when a contestant might drop out and the phone will ring.”
Maybe I should be thanking the medical world for its care. When the call from Alone comes, I’ll need sharp eyes, strong knees and cancerfree skin. I’ll need the good teeth I would have if only I would respond to my dentist.
A haircut may be the most crucial of all. After all, I’ll be on TV. n
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I once attended a cooking class where the chef was demonstrating the art of making the perfect omelette. As he expertly flipped the omelette in the air, he said, "The key is to have confidence in your cooking skills!". Inspired, I decided to give it a try at home.
The next morning, I cracked the eggs into a bowl and took a deep breath, channelling my inner chef. With all the confidence I could muster, I tossed the omelette into the air. To my horror, it got stuck to the ceiling, creating a comical mess that had my cat staring in bewilderment.
Moral of the story: confidence in the kitchen is essential, but a good aim is just as important!
MASUMA LAKHA, BirminghamA friend reminiscing about his experiences with a dating agency said that he'd turned down the first two ladies he'd met because they were too highbrow.
The third, he added, giving her an affectionate look across the table, wasn't and so he'd married her.
A ripple went round the assembled company and I have to say that his wife's expression was a picture.
MAGGIE COBBETT, RiponMy friend arrived at the airport with an enormous, bright-red suitcase, with green ribbons tied around the handle.
“Nobody will have the same,” she insisted confidently.
We landed in Turkey and her suitcase was instantly recognisable on the baggage carousel, but without ribbons.
“They must have fallen off,” she shrugged and we set off for the hotel.
Suddenly, a man ran towards us, yelling and trying to grab my friend’s suitcase. Slightly alarmed, she held onto it and a tug-of-war ensued… until the man’s wife arrived, wheeling a huge, bright red suitcase covered in green ribbons.
We all laughed when we realised my friend’s suitcase wasn’t so unique after all.
LEAH ROTTIER, Epenède, FranceA few years ago I spent a nice holiday in Greece and came home with a tan.
Next day I was making toast when a friend and her young daughter came to visit. The girl was fascinated with the toaster, especially when I
cartoon by Guto Dias
"HAPPY
NEW YEAR!"
explained that bread went inside and came out all brown.
She looked at my complexion and said, with the innocence of a child, "Did you go into the toaster, too?". How my friend laughed!
STUART HARDY, SheffieldI’d recently downloaded an app on my phone which identifies birds by listening to them. I went out for a walk and the app identified the sounds of robins and blackbirds with 80 per cent certainty.
Then it surprised me by identifying a100 per cent match to a mallard duck. I stopped and looked around but there were no ducks to be seen.
It was only when I started walking again that I realised my squeaky flip flops were making a quacking sound!
EMILY BULMAN, Hertfordshire
There’s no cosier way to pass the winter than with good food and good company. Spice up the conversation at your next dinner party with these culinary morsels
BY BETH SHELLIBEER1. ortanique—A: napkin tied at the neck like a bib. B: cross between an orange and a tangerine. C: pudding flavoured with orange peels.
2. Welsh rarebit—A: melted cheese poured over toast. B: rabbit stew.
C: tender rabbit meat.
3. deipnosophist—A: grocery shopper. B: person skilled in dinner-table conversation.
C: innovative chef.
4. persimmon—A: simmered fish.
B: herb used in turkey dressing.
C: small, round, orange fruit.
5. fumet—A: smoked meat.
B: reduced and seasoned stock.
C: barbecue wood chips.
6. saporific—A: of the highest quality. B: high in alcohol content.
C: producing flavour.
7. abligurition—A: excessive spending on food. B: denial of responsibility for a bad meal.
C: overeating.
8. tureen—A: film that solidifies on cold gravy. B: crunchy skin on a roast.
C: deep serving bowl with a lid.
9. socarrat—A: crust of rice at the bottom of a pan. B: yoghurt sauce used in Greek dishes. C: simmered white fish.
10. batrachophagous—A: unsafe to eat raw. B: rich in calories. C: one who eats frogs.
11. pith—A: hairs inside a corn husk. B: white layer under the skin of citrus fruit. C: small dish for serving cranberry sauce.
12. capernoited—A: slightly intoxicated. B: seasoned with capers. C: sated.
13. gazpacho—A: tabletop warming tray. B: vegetable soup served cold. C: Mexican pastry.
14. epicure—A: person who cultivates a refined taste in food. B: one who will eat anything. C: cured, dried meat.
15. comfit—A: elasticised clothing for comfortable dining. B: spiced hot drink. C: candy containing a nut, seed or fruit.
1. ortanique—[B] cross between an orange and a tangerine; First discovered in Jamaica, the ortanique is a tasty addition to a rum cake.
2. Welsh rarebit—[A] melted cheese poured over toast; To make a good Welsh rarebit, ensure the cheese is fully liquified.
3. deipnosophist—[B] person skilled in dinner-table conversation; Sally considered herself quite the deipnosophist and couldn’t believe she wasn’t invited to Akhil’s party.
4. persimmon—[C] small, round, orange fruit; June couldn’t tell whether she was looking at persimmons or orange plums.
5. fumet—[B] reduced and seasoned stock; The fumet simmered for several hours before reaching the desired concentration.
6. saporific—[C] producing flavour; Garlic is highly saporific and can be used sparingly.
7. abligurition—[A] excessive spending on food; In the excitement of the holiday season, Sam succumbed to abligurition.
8. tureen—[C] deep serving bowl with a lid; The tureen of minestrone is on the buffet.
9. socarrat—[A] crust of rice at the bottom of a pan; A successful paella has a socarrat that is crunchy but uncharred.
10. batrachophagous—[C] one who eats frogs; The nervous guest watched his batrachophagous hosts dig into their frogs’ legs.
11. pith—[B] white layer under the skin of citrus fruit; Domenica always removed all the pith before eating a grapefruit.
12. capernoited—[A] slightly intoxicated; The champagne was stronger than Xander realised and soon had him capernoited.
13. gazpacho—[B] vegetable soup served cold; “Your gazpacho is so refreshing, Miguel,” said Katia. “What recipe did you use?”.
14. epicure—[A] person who cultivates a refined taste in food; A true epicure knows to savour every bite.
15. comfit—[C] candy containing a nut, seed or fruit; Everyone finished the meal with a comfit.
7–10: fair 11–12: good 13–15: excellent
You will find this photograph somewhere inside this issue of the Reader’s Digest magazine, but can you find it? Once you have, simply write the page number on your entry form, or enter online.
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Page 42 Prize Wordsearch/Breakfast in Bed Hamper
Page 66 7-Night walking holiday in The Algarve
Page 98 3-Night stay in Elissa Beach Resort, Rhodes
Page 151 Photo Finder
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EASY A friend has offered to loan you a snowboard to ride down the mountain. You may choose from the ones shown, apart from your friend’s favourite board. Based on his description below, which one can’t you pick?
“On either side of my favourite ride is a board that wouldn’t look exactly the same upside down.”
Difficult The numbers at the end of each row and column result from adding up the numbers represented by the symbols in that row or column. Knowing this, determine the value of each symbol.
MEDiuM Insert the numbers 1 to 9, one per square, so that no two consecutive numbers are in squares that touch in any way, even at a corner of a square. Three numbers have been placed to get you started.
7 2 5
How many dots should go under the last set of numbers?
9 8
MEDiuM Allegra, Ben, Clara, Flora and Zach all have the sniffles. Each is allergic to something different: pollen, shellfish, bee stings, cats or nuts. From the following clues, figure out who is allergic to what.
F Allegra has a food allergy.
F Ben can play with his kitten for hours without issue (or medicine).
F Clara’s allergy is not related to animals.
F Flora has seasonal allergies.
For answers, turn to PAGE 155
CROSSWISE
Test your general knowledge. Answers on p158 ACROSS
1 Without exception (2,1,3)
5 Crossword with no clues (8)
9 Good for you (10)
10 Chancel wear (4)
11 Geological faults (5)
12 Impressive array (7)
15 Vulnerable (3,2,1,4)
16 Free from bias (4)
18 Corporate big wheels (1,1,2)
20 Stage illuminators (10)
22 Country on Lake Tanganyika (7)
24 Edge of a precipice (5)
27 Angler's decoy (4)
28 Firm which makes Up! (10)
29 Arrogant, presumptuous people (8)
30 Overnight flight (3-3)
2 Hold on ... (3,6) 3 Good conductor, perhaps (7) 4 Diamond songwriter (4) 5 Flake (4) 6 Common currency in New York, for example (6,4) 7 Disappear slowly (4,3) 8 Insurgent (5) 13 Disregarded for promotion (6,4) 14 Largest of the Lesser Sunda Islands (5) 17 With great concentration (9)
19 Not a teacher but a ... (7) 21 Floral wreath (7)
23 Wrongfully appropriate (5)
25 Looked up to in Switzerland (4)
26 Nicholas II was the last (4)
FROM PAGE 152
Above Board
Put a number from 1 to 9 in each empty square so that:
1 4 6 9 5 3 1 9 8 4 9 7 2 5 9 7 3 8 2 5 8 7 3 1 6 6 4 3 SOLUTION
F every horizontal row and vertical column contains all nine numbers (1-9) without repeating any of them;
F each of the outlined 3 x 3 boxes has all nine numbers, none repeated.
The purple board (in the middle of the five) is the snowboarder’s favourite.
Decoder
1-9 Fit-In
7 9 4 1 8 2 3 5 6
10. The amount of dots is calculated by adding the first two numbers in each set and then subtracting the third number.
Allegra is allergic to shellfish, Ben to bee stings, Clara to nuts, Flora to pollen and Zach to cats.
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My dad always says “when one door closes, another one will open”. A wonderful man but a terrible cabinet maker.
MARIANA Z (@mariana057)
I named my pet guinea pig Argos because he’s got a little pen.
GARETH GEORGE—GROAN MAN (@groanman2020)
Music fact: country music star Willie Nelson was named after a now banned wrestling hold.
GLENNY RODGE (@GlennyRodge)
When I suggested that the map app should have sound effects, you could have heard a pin drop.
MOOSE ALLAIN (@MooseAllain)
Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.
UNCLE BOB (@UncleBob56)
I like to shower like Frank Sinatra did, and so I face the vinyl curtain.
PAUL EGGLESTON (@pauleggleston)
Everything in England outside Nottingham is called Tingham.
SANJEEV KOHLI (@govindajeggy)
Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and say “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.
MARIANA Z (@mariana057)
What happened to the woman who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve? She got 12 months. GINETTE HUGHES, Hertfordshire
Rob Auton returns with his tenth stand-up show—all about his life—and will perform a week-long run at London’s Soho Theatre in January (22-27) before touring the UK. Ian Chaddock asks him about his funniest experiences…
What stand-up special or comedy film made you fall in love with comedy?
Airplane! was the first film that I remember really laughing at. My dad was laughing at it as well so that really upped my enjoyment of it. It didn’t make me fall in love with comedy though, I don’t think. I think that came in 2004 when I saw a recording of Ivor Cutler live from Bloomsbury Theatre. That was the best and funniest thing I’d seen, with regard to someone being funny. Maybe I was more ready for it. Life in general is a bit funnier when you’re a child so maybe I didn’t need the humour quite as much as when I was an adult.
written. I’m not sure if it was poetry, more ideas I’d had that I found funny and I wanted to say them in front of people. For me, stand-up isn’t about trying to make people laugh, it’s more about me seeing if they find funny what I find funny. I was so nervous, I was pretty much unable to eat anything for two days before it. They laughed enough to make me want to do it again. I felt really encouraged.
What do you remember about your first time doing stand-up? It was 2007 when I used to work in advertising and my old creative director was having a fireworks party in his back garden. He said some of his friends were going to be reading some poems at the party and I asked him if I could read some stuff from my notebook that I’d
What’s the weirdest heckle you’ve ever heard and how did you reply? I started making some prints of various lines from my shows—a bit of text and a drawing. The last time I was in Chorley in the first half of my set, when I do some older bits, a guy shouted out, “I’ve got that on my wall!”. Then someone else shouted it at a different bit. It went on and ended up with people saying, “I haven’t got that on my wall.” It was a funny night. Also, that night someone left me a ring doughnut and a sausage in a bag by the microphone. It was there when I got
onstage and refers to a bit I have about whether a Tic Tac can fit through a Polo, I think. Crazy.
What has been your funniest live show experience? At the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2022 I had Deborah Meaden from Dragon’s Den in the audience. I had a bit about a business idea I’d had and managed to pitch it to her in the show. That was a funny moment.
What’s your new stand-up comedy show
The Rob Auton Show about? The Rob Auton Show is my tenth show in a series of shows on a theme. My first show was about the colour yellow and it was called The Yellow Show. My second show was about the sky and then I did shows about faces, water, sleeping, hair, talking, the time and crowds. With this being the tenth one of the series I wanted to make it all about me. The show is a mix of comedy and other passages that are a bit more poetic, I think. It’s the most personal show I’ve done and, basically, it’s me looking at my life and sharing stories. My first memory, my first job in a kitchen, my first girlfriend. I can’t wait.
Rob Auton tours the UK with his show The Rob Auton Show in January, February and March
CROSSWORD ANSWERS
Across: 1 To a man, 5 Codeword, 9 Beneficial, 10 Albs, 11 Rifts, 12 Panoply, 15 Out on a limb, 16 Fair, 18 C E Os, 20 Spotlights, 22 Burundi, 24 Brink, 27 Lure, 28 Volkswagen, 29 Upstarts, 30 Red-eye.
Down: 2 One minute, 3 Maestro, 4 Neil, 5 Chip, 6 Dollar bill, 7 Wear off, 8 Rebel, 13 Passed over, 14 Timor, 17 Intensely, 19 Student, 21 Garland, 23 Usurp, 25 Alps, 26 Tsar.
Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-January. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50. Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk by January 7. We’ll announce the winner in our March issue.
Our readers have had an impressive winning streak, but failed to beat our cartoonist’s caption, “Alas, we can’t be sure it’ll be the most explosive thing to happen in parliament in any week.” Thanks to all who entered—let’s see who comes out on top next!
cartoons by Royston Robertson
I REMEMBER: Ian Anderson
The leader of prog rock legends Jethro Tull looks back on his youth and career
Martin Fry: If I Ruled The World
The world according to the vocalist of ABC
The Waves Of Time Celebrating 100 years of the Shipping Forecast
from around the World
Dragging yourself out of bed in the morning and off to work is hard, especially on dark winter mornings. You might be a little more inclined to head out of the house with a spring in your step if your commute started at Stevenage station, where you’d be greeted by a ginger cat called Nala.
Usually found sitting on a ticket gate, four-year-old Nala lives close to the station with her owner Natasha Ambler, and often heads to station at rush hour to enjoy attention from commuters. Ambler created a Facebook page called The Adventures of Nala where hundreds of people have shared photos of the adventurous cat.
Recent photos include Nala waiting in line for her “cat-purrccino” at Costa, snoozing on newspaper stands and posing with commuters at the station barriers.
Nala wears a GPS tracking device so that her travels can be traced, and is usually found at the railway station or the next door leisure park. As well as the usual collar with her name and owners’ contact information, Nala wears a tag to let people know that she’s not lost.
According to the BBC, Ambler reported that she’s not worried about Nala in the slightest: “She’s obviously well-loved and she’s very happy doing what she does—I just hope one day she doesn’t actually try to get on a train.”
by Alice GAwthropRolland and Adeline are proud parents to nine beautiful children. Their youngest two, daughter Lanto, and son, Rindra, were both born with cleft conditions. In Madagascar, many families have never seen a cleft before, so it’s a condition often greeted with fear and superstition in some rural communities. However, the news of Lanto and Rindra’s cleft wasn’t so much of a shock for Rolland and Adeline because Rolland’s cousin – a man in his fifties – had lived his entire life with an untreated cleft.
Although seeing a relative with a cleft meant the family weren’t fearful of the condition, they knew the negative impact an untreated cleft can have on a person’s health, and their life. They wanted a better future for their children.
Rolland heard an advert on the radio about an Operation Smile surgical programme in Antsirabe, Madagascar. Finding out that Rindra and Lanto could have the cleft surgery they needed, for free, was a dream come true for the family. Unlike here in the UK, health services aren’t free in many parts of the world, and the costs of treatment – or even travelling to reach medical facilities – are out of reach for most families.
site they were surprised to see so many other families in the same position. After a thorough medical evaluation by medical volunteers, Lanto was found to be fit enough for surgery, and later got the new smile her parents had dreamed of for her. But, for younger brother Rindra, the journey to a new smile would take a little longer.
Rindra was underweight due to problems feeding, and also su ering from a respiratory infection, both common problems for children with cleft conditions. Thankfully, he was referred to Operation Smile’s nutrition programme, which will provide ongoing support for the family through workshops, advice and nutrition supplements, until Rindra is strong enough to get a brand-new smile like his big sister.
When Rolland and his children arrived at the programme
Operation Smile has provided hundreds of thousands of safe surgeries for children with cleft conditions worldwide. For more information about our work or to find out how you can help, visit www. operationsmile.org.uk/rindra1
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