Reader's Digest UK Feb 2024

CATHERINE O’HARA Behind The Scenes With The Star Of Schitt’s Creek

12 Memories Of Jethro

Ian Anderson Tull Frontman

Beyond GPS

Rediscovering The Lost Art Of Navigation

Features

16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

Olly Mann unveils the best of 2023 in an awards show of his own creation—The Mannies!

ENTERTAINMENT

20

INTERVIEW: CATHERINE O'HARA

The unparalleled improv talent and actor of Home Alone and Schitt's Creek fame looks back on a life of making people laugh

INSPIRE

28

“I REMEMBER”: IAN ANDERSON

The frontman of Jethro Tull recounts how he became rock music's most famous flautist

More than a mental health issue, stress has real, palpable effects on your body that could impact you in later life 43

If you struggle with vertigo, it could signal an underlying health problem. We learn how to stop the world from spinning

58

THE POWER OF 26 LETTERS

How one boy with autism learned to speak with a letterboard—and helped others in the process

80 LOSING YOUR WAY

Your brain maps out your path to give you a sense of direction—but Sat Nav may be compromising it

90 SHIPPING FORECAST AT 100

We celebrate a century of Britain's beloved nautical broadcast

TRAVEL

100

THE GATES OF HELL

A visit to Turkmenistan's fiery gas crater inspires awe and dread

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StyleICONS

This month, we are beyond excited to have the amazing Catherine O’Hara gracing the cover of the magazine. From the quirky Delia in Beetlejuice to the fabulously over-the-top Moira in Schitt’s Creek, Catherine has not only brought us some of film and TV’s most unforgettable characters, but has also become a somewhat unlikely fashion icon: gloves as headbands; wigs as hats—she’s done it all.

Dive into her fun conversation with Simon Button on p20, and discover that the real Catherine is somehow even more colourful and fascinating than the eccentric women she’s portrayed on screen. Chatty, self-deprecating and charming, she offers a treasure trove of anecdotes about growing up in a big family, shooting Home Alone (asked if she’s anything like Kevin’s exasperated mother Kate, she quips: “No. My hair moves!”), and, most importantly, the backstory behind Moira’s famous pronunciation of “bébé.”

Turning the spotlight onto another style luminary, we’ve got the incredible 80-year-old Judith Boyd, also known as Style Crone, in an exclusive interview on p70, where she talks all about her inspirations, fighting fast fashion and defying society’s preconceptions about age. Check out her Instagram @stylecrone for a visual feast of colours, leopard prints and hats to die for.

Eva eva mackevic Editor-in-Chief

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Over To You

LETTERS ON THE December

ISSUE

We pay £30 for every published letter

New Treatments

I was impressed with Luke O'Neill's thoughts in "If I Ruled the World", especially that healthcare should be made accessible. Healthcare changes dramatically because of technological developments, from anaesthetics and antibiotics to magnetic resonance imaging scanners and radiotherapy. No new predictions can satisfy everybody, but every patient should be allowed faster access to new discoveries and medicine. My uncle who suffers from Huntington's disease had to fight “tooth and nail” to get a new treatment then being trialled for his condition.

It is a shame that most people don't donate to international aid

If I Ruled

The World

charities because they believe that their governments already spend too much on foreign aid. I'd like to see more money going into medical research and the world more willing to share medical breakthroughs. Look how quickly they all came together for a COVID-19 vaccination.

JANA COPLEY, North London

letters to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

What Would Gran Eat?

As we head into the new year, health is very much at the forefront of my mind, which is why I found “10 Nutrition Myths” so informative. Eating well can often feel so complicated and yet, as your article outlines, it’s actually really easy—eat whole foods with no nasty additives and no unnecessary processing. This is what my grandparents did, and it certainly served them well. My gran used to say to us, “Eat what you want and then finish.” And science has now shown that our guts are not really big fans of snacking. She’d also eat fresh, local, seasonal foods, and all in moderation.

Your article reminded me that eating well is actually simple—we just

Planting Roots

I was delighted to read about Olly Mann’s aloe vera plant and its colourful, significant history. I think it’s fantastic that a plant can become one of the family. I love houseplants, and there are many leafy individuals crowded round the windows of my flat.

The head of my houseplant clan is a

10 Nutrition Myths

need to tune back into our natural environment and tune out from the food industry. In fact, I think one of the best things we can all do is cultivate a healthy scepticism of heavily packaged, ultra-processed, over-marketed pseudo-foods.

Always ask yourself whether your grandparents would have eaten it. And feel empowered to feed your body, your mind and your soul real whole food, this year and beyond.

JENNIE GARDNER, Bath

cactus I’ve named Spike. My mum bought it for me when I was 17 years old. I’m now approaching 50 and Spike has travelled with me from home to home for over 30 years! It can be tricky to successfully identify a plant, but I think Spike is a Stenocereus Pruinosus , or Grey Ghost Organ Pipe

cactus. It’s a flowering species, though Spike has never flowered. Perhaps that’s because it hasn’t had consistent optimum living conditions. At the moment, Spike is sitting at a large south-facing window, so maybe this year it will flower.

RHIANNON LEWIS, Monmouthshire, Wales

POETRY

CORNER

Want to see your short poem published in Reader’s Digest?

Whether you’re a seasoned poet or just getting started, we’d love to see your work!

It’s In Your DNA

by Pamela Lambie, Dorset

Many characteristics one might say Are possibly down to your DNA

Eyes that are the deepest blue Lights in the hair a reddish hue

Were these passed to the adolescents? Biologically extracted from their parents

Languages seemingly learned with ease Not only Spanish but Japanese

Painting or managing to recreate Would this new skill be a DNA trait?

The strands that bind do come to mind A connective thread through all mankind

Perhaps we’re not that different at all If we are that difference is very small

Each culture has its different traits Some good, some bad, some love, some hates

If we could choose what our children inherit Would we still go ahead and share it?

No longer something we just surmise DNA—a scientific fact like the stars in the skies.

Email us at readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

Include your full name, address and the title of the poem. We’ll pay £30 for every published piece

To My Girl

by by Les Powell, Kent

I’m sorry my love…I can’t dance any more, I have been seized by the rust of time, but oh…to lead you to that crowded floor, with your delicate hand in mine.

To treat you once more as a lady, with a respectful request for a dance, To acquaint…admire…to talk and to laugh, having met…once again…just by chance.

A romantic waltz…or a dance of our time…a cha cha…twist…or jive, two young people just living their youth, with a frantic zest for life.

We are still there my love… Just peep through the mist of time, I am so sorry…my love…I can’t dance any more, but I can still hold your hand…in mine.

Memory Lane

To celebrate the rich legacy of Reader's Digest, we share some of your most cherished, humorous and nostalgic memories of the magazine...

Memories Of Mum

For as long as I can remember (I know this started when I was in primary school) I have read the Reader's Digest. My mother used to buy it from the local newsagent. I would always go for the jokes first and Mum would try to solve the puzzles. We both used to marvel at the big world out there via the pictures and articles. Back issues of the RD that were saved became like a compilation of encyclopaedias. Pictures of places and sights that we might never see, but were magical all the same.

There was a time, many years ago, when my mother was complaining of vision issues. I didn't know where it came from

at the time, but I immediately said she had a detached retina. It wasn't until after an emergency operation and all was well that I told her that I had read about it in Reader's Digest!

When she was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I would ensure that she had her Reader's Digest each month. When sadly she lost her battle and passed away, one of the first things I did was subscribe to Reader's Digest. Every month it comes through the door and I think of my beloved mum and our special connection. All I can say is that Reader’s Digest takes me forward with happy memories. Long may it continue!

LISA LEE, Middlesex

Email your Reader's Digest memories to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

A New Life In Property

Rob and Nicola McPhun have both retired early and have an enhanced retirement thanks to their decision to create an extra income from investing in property.

Rob, you had a very successful career in the Police Force, rising to the rank of Chief Inspector, then you retired, what made you want to invest in property?

“People invest in property for all sorts of reasons, whether it’s to provide a safety net for a time when they can’t work, or maybe it’s to provide a better future for their children and grand kids, but for me it was to help Nicola get out of the Police Force. She was struggling with the environment and started to become unwell. I just wanted her to be able to leave the Force and start enjoying life more”

Why did you choose investing in property instead of other types of investments, such as the stock market?

“We looked at all sorts of investments but kept coming back to property, because it’s probably the safest asset to invest in, and people will always need somewhere to live”

So how did you get started?

“As the head of learning and development in my last role in the Police, I realise the importance of training. Unfortunately many people start to invest in property, without any education and often make expensive mistakes as a result. Afterall, you don’t know what you don’t know. So we looked around, we did our research. I read a fantastic book called Property Magic by Simon Zutshi”

We then went on a 3 day residential training course and there was a banner that said it was possible to make a £50k income in 12 months. To be honest, I didn’t believe it. It sounded like a scam to me. Having worked for 34 years in the Force and my pension was significantly less than £50k a year, it just didn’t compute. However, I like to think I have an open mind, the training was excellent, we liked Simon, his team and the ethical way of investing, and so by the end of it, we were convinced this was a way for Nicola to leave the Force.

We still did not quite believe that you could create a £50k on going income in as little as 12 months, so we set a goal for Nicola to leave the Force within two years. I am pleased to say, that our investing went really well and Nicola was able to hand in her notice to leave the Force, within 8 months”

Do

you

need a lot of money to invest in property?

Do you need a lot of money to invest in property?

“Normally, there is some money required for each investment. However, there are some strategies that do not need a lot of money. We had some savings and we released some equity from our home. But we soon ran out of our own money and discovered that actually there were people who have money who we could help get a better return than they would get in the bank and that helps us build our property portfolio. A true win win. Something we learned on our property training”

“Normally, there is some money required for each investment. However, there are some strategies that do not need a lot of money. We had some savings and we released some equity from our home. But we soon ran out of our own money and discovered that actually there were people who have money who we could help get a better return than they would get in the bank and that helps us build our property portfolio. A true win win. Something we learned on our property training”

And so what is life like for you both now?

And so what is life like for you both now?

“I am not someone for hype, but to say this has changed our life, would be an understatement. Not only has Nicola left the Force, but we now have enough monthly income to really enjoy our retirement. Nicola has got time to compete representing Great Britain as an athlete in multi discipline events around the world and we spend a lot of our time in our new second home in South Africa. We’ve visited it 5 times last year, spending five months of the year here, and plan to spend more time in this beautiful part of the world next year. All thanks to our property investing”

“I am not someone for hype, but to say this has changed our life, would be an understatement. Not only has Nicola left the Force, but we now have enough monthly income to really enjoy our retirement. Nicola has got time to compete representing Great Britain as an athlete in multi discipline events around the world and we spend a lot of our time in our new second home in South Africa. We’ve visited it 5 times last year, spending five months of the year here, and plan to spend more time in this beautiful part of the world next year. All thanks to our property investing”

That’s an amazing story Rob. What advice would you give people who might be looking to get into property investing?

That’s an amazing story Rob. What advice would you give people who might be looking to get into property investing?

“It’s very important to educate yourself. First of all, buy a copy of Property Magic from Amazon, it will open your eyes as to what can be achieved. Then I recommend you go to one of the property investor network (pin) meetings. There are 50+ monthly evening meetings around the UK and also in the Netherlands and Dubai. Find out more at www.pinMeeting.co.uk It’s a place to connect with other like-minded people in your local area, also interested in investing in property.

“It’s very important to educate yourself. First of all, buy a copy of Property Magic from Amazon, it will open your eyes as to what can be achieved. Then I recommend you go to one of the property investor network (pin) meetings. There are 50+ monthly evening meetings around the UK and also in the Netherlands and Dubai. Find out more at www.pinMeeting.co.uk It’s a place to connect with other like-minded people in your local area, also interested in investing in property.

Then if you feel proeprty investing could be right for you, invest in yourself and attend some property training. Be careful here, because not all property training organisations are the same. There are some great providers and some not so good ones. Do your own research. I can only talk about experience with Simon Zutshi and his team and the property investors network which has been amazing.

Then if you feel proeprty investing could be right for you, invest in yourself and attend some property training. Be careful here, because not all property training organisations are the same. There are some great providers and some not so good ones. Do your own research. I can only talk about experience with Simon Zutshi and his team and the property investors network which has been amazing.

Thank you Rob for sharing your inspirational story.

Thank you Rob for sharing your inspirational story.

Readers Offer: If you have not been to a pin meeting before why not attend your FIRST pin metting as our guest and receieve £20 off the normal entry fee. Use Voucher Code: RD24

Readers Offer: If you have not been to a pin meeting before why not attend your FIRST pin metting as our guest and receieve £20 off the normal entry fee. Use Voucher Code: RD24

turn the page

…DIFFERENTLY

The Napoleon wrasse impresses visually with its markings, which include the eyes. Most fish of this species are predominantly blue or green in colour. Cheilinus undulatus is at home in the coral reefs from the Red Sea to the tropical Indo-Pacific. When fully grown, it can reach a length of up to seven-and-a-half feet and weigh an impressive 30 stone. Its most astonishing ability is that this fish—like some others— can change sex. After several years as a sexually mature female, some animals turn into males.

The Mannies

From cats to cream cheese, here is Olly's official roundup of the best things 2023 had to offer...

Olly Mann is a presenter for Radio 4, and the podcasts The Modern Mann, The Week Unwrapped and Today in History with the Retrospectors

It’s that time of year again: the red carpets are being dusted off, the shortlists scrutinised for diversity, and, suddenly, people care who Frances McDormand is wearing. Yes, it’s Awards Season! TV ratings for these star-studded shindigs have been plummeting, as viewers feel increasingly disconnected from the luvvies on parade. Well, I’m here to correct that, as I humbly present the winners of my awards… an awards for the people: THE MANNIES.

Best Bedding

I used to be sniffy about Asda (“‘Extra Special’ brioche, eh? I’ll be the judge of that!”, I’d snort, as I popped another M&S chargrilled calamari ring into my gob), but thanks to our friend the Cost of Living Crisis, I’ve found myself frequenting the green supermarket quite a lot recently (and, yes, the yellow-andblue one too). As a result, when we needed a new duvet cover, we got one from George’s "At Home With Stacey Solomon" range, and:

good Lord. It’s the warmest, softest, cosiest envelopment I’ve ever experienced, like being hugged by a giant teddy bear. Remember when Loyd Grossman went from being an annoying TV presenter to Pasta God thanks to his range of supermarket sauces? Solomon has repeated the trick: no longer, in my mind, is she "the toothy one off The X Factor." She is Martha Stewart, 2.0.

Best Garden Ornament

There’s not much to enjoy about this time of year in Britain, quite frankly, but frozen cobwebs always floor me with their beauty and complexity. It’s like a reward for being too lazy to clean the roof of my shed! The weather turns, the temperature drops, and, presto: free art.

Best Cream Cheese

As someone who chomps through multiple salmon bagels per week, constantly having cream cheese at hand is a necessity. Unfortunately, I’m the only one in my house who eats it (except the cat, and even he’s suspicious). So, for years— literally, years—each week I’ve been buying a packet, eating half of it, and then, when it goes green and furry, chucking it out and opening another. A lamentable waste of money and food. But then…I discovered Philadelphia Light Soft

Cheese Mini Tubs—packs of four single-serve cream cheese portions with individual lids. Good work, Kraft. Just when you think the food conglomerates have thought of everything, they hit a home run.

Best Listening

Radio bosses always want "appointment to listen"

moments: Ken Bruce’s Popmaster, say, or the Today programme’s "Thought for the Day." These features are hard to originate, and, in a world of ondemand media, vanishingly rare. Yet Matt Chorley has managed it. The chummy politico hosts PMQs Unpacked on Times Radio, and every Wednesday at midday, I religiously tune in. Instead of doing what every other news network does—running Prime Minister’s Questions live from the Commons, then analysing it afterwards—Chorley playfully pauses the tape between each round of Sunak/Starmer action, pores over the exchanges with well-informed, cynical sidekicks like Tim Shipman and Ayesha Hazarika, predicts what might happen next, and scores the politicians’ performances. Suddenly, the sloganeering, Punch-and-Judy exchanges take on a play-along, Bingo-style quality, even when the subject at hand is grim.

Best Technological Development

Did you know there’s an edit button in WhatsApp? Well, there is, but for some reason Meta didn’t go round plastering the fact on double-decker buses and creating a new Bank Holiday in celebration: instead, they simply posted to their blog last May, “This feature has started rolling out to users globally and will be available to everyone in the coming weeks.” But it’s a game-changer. Made a typo? Edit it! Sent an angry text to your ex? Edit it! Forgot to congratulate your friend on their good news because you were too busy talking about yourself? Edit it! Lifesaver.

Best Christmas Cracker Gift

Forget your plastic dreidels, fortunetelling fish and compact mirrors: this Christmas I received the best cracker gift of all time: a little metal hexagon that fits on my keyring to use in supermarket trolleys when you don’t have a pound coin. Because, who carries coins these days? It even has a quick-action release-button, so

my keyring doesn’t dangle from the trolley. Well worth the tenner I spent on the box of crackers itself.

Best Rival Awards Ceremony

The best hour I spent on the web last year was, hands down, voting in the National Cat Awards. Not only do you get to browse photos of the supremely cute nominees, but you also uncover their incredible stories: in 2023, the prestigious Cat of the Year prize went to Zebby, a moggy who supports his deaf owner by alerting her to sounds around the home and bringing her post like a dog. Plaudits to Cats Protection for creating these awards, and trying to turn round the public perception of cats as sociopathic killers, but that’s a long old climb, I suspect (runner-up: the British Kebab Awards. And yes, this is me offering up my services as a well-qualified judge…).

Ta-da! Thus ends this year’s Mannies: no Lifetime Achievement Award, no post-awards interviews, merely a useful list of winners. Just like Awards Season should be. n

A Tiny Touchdown

The Juancho E Yrausquin Airport on the Dutch Caribbean island of Saba is widely acknowledged as the shortest commercial runway in the world. With a strip of tarmac just 1,300 feet long (about 400 metres), only 900 feet of which are "useable," the runway is not much longer than an aircraft carrier

SOURCE: CNN TRAVEL

Catherine O’Hara

A Humorous HeartTo-Heart With A Comedy Icon

By Simon Button

The star of Home Alone and Schitt’s Creek on family, improv, and the importance of laughter

Interviewing Catherine O’Hara is a breathtaking experience. She’s animated one minute, deadpan the next, vocalising ten to the dozen as anecdotes and insights tumble over one another. At one point she apologises for being so garrulous, saying: “I just keep talking, hoping something that makes sense will come out at some point.”

But I wouldn’t have it any other way, as all the iconic characters she’s played—from the literally haunted sculptress in Beetlejuice to Kevin’s desperate-to-get-home mother in Home Alone, via her improvised

hilarity in all those Christopher Guest mockumentaries to, of course, the side-splittingly eccentric Moira Rose on Schitt’s Creek—flash before my eyes.

Now 69, O’Hara is such a familiar face with so much on her CV it’s perhaps no surprise that many people have a hard time placing her when they spot her in public. “I get that a lot,” she grins. “For the most part they say, ‘Hey, why do I know you?’. I don’t want to say, ‘I’m an actor’ so I’ll go, ‘I don’t know, from a restaurant maybe?’”.

Eventually they realise they’ve seen her in films or on TV. “They’ll go, ‘Well, what have you done?’. You’re standing there giving your resume and they’ll go, ‘No, didn’t see that’. They lift you up and they take you down, which is as it should be.”

We’re talking on Zoom some 30 minutes later than planned because “I asked for an extension so I could rush home and get some make-up on”. Wearing a pink jacket over a white shirt, her dark-rimmed specs are as stylish as the kitchen she’s

get a phone call with an offer to do something really different,” says the woman who got her start in improv and doesn’t do the expected in any of her roles. “I love Matthew’s artistry with action. It’s not the kind of thing I’ve done before. It’s a new adventure.”

She’s very funny amid all of Argylle’s mayhem, but then she is one of the funniest people alive and has been that way ever since her childhood in Toronto as one of seven siblings. “It was just a given in our family,” O’Hara says about wanting to make people laugh. “Both my parents, God bless

(Left and right)

Catherine O’Hara in the new action comedy Argylle

(Top) In After Hours; (Bottom) As Kevin’s mum in Home Alone

them, are gone but they were both really funny. Mum raised seven kids, then she went into real estate, and at dinner she would impersonate the people that she met that day. And my dad worked at the Canadian Pacific Railway and was such a joke-teller he would get in trouble for laughing too much at work.”

She smiles at the memory. “Being funny was a way to get attention at the table but I’m not sure we even thought of it like that. It was just the way you had to be if you wanted to get a word in.” Then in high school there was a theatre arts teacher who encouraged improvisation. “We were given the freedom to come up with our own ideas and characters, which was just wonderful.”

After school, O’Hara joined Toronto’s Second City improvisational comedy troupe where she understudied for Gilda Radner, of whom she says: “Gilda was wonderful and ridiculously talented, but with us she was just this regular, lovely person. I thought, Oh, a real person can get a job doing comedy and make some kind of living out of it. She really opened the doors. I don’t think I’d ever have had any kind of acting career if I hadn’t met Gilda.”

Catherine became a regular on Second City ’s SCTV sketch show, did voice-overs and other TV work and even found herself being directed by none other than Martin Scorsese in

her fourth film, 1985’s dark comedy After Hours , in which she played a somewhat unhinged ice cream truck driver. “That was so fun,” she recalls, “shooting in New York and staying up all night, which back then I did anyway.”

PLAYING A PERSON WHO WAS INCONSISTENT GAVE ME SUCH FREEDOM; IT WAS REALLY JOYFUL

She went on to work with Mike Nichols on Heartburn, Tim Burton on Beetlejuice and Warren Beatty on Dick Tracy, then played Macaulay Culkin’s mum Kate McCallister in Home Alone. “It was such a lovely experience, with such a perfect script by John Hughes. Chris Columbus is a great director who has a big family himself, so he really knew the dynamics of that.”

Asked if she realised during filming that it was going to be a huge hit, she shakes her head. “No, but you never know what’s going to work and what isn’t.” And is the mother of two anything like Kate in real life? “No. My hair moves!”.

In the mid-1990s O’Hara began a fruitful collaboration with Christopher Guest, who has

directed her in the likes of Waiting for Guffman and A Mighty Wind. “People always ask, ‘Did you improvise some of that?’. Every word of dialogue was improvised.” As was her crazy injured-knee walk in Best in Show , although she confesses: “That’s my dad’s walk. He used to do that when walking ahead of us. All the kids in our family, we all do it but I got to do it in a movie. Lucky me.”

It was also Catherine’s idea to pronounce “baby” as bébé in Schitt’s Creek. “I did that by mistake and everyone laughed, so then they kept writing it into the script.” With her weird way with words and out-there fashion sense, Moira was the role of a lifetime, but when it came along in 2015 she wasn’t sure she wanted to

sign on for a long-running TV show. “I was so insecure about it that I kept asking ‘What if I wear wigs all the time?’ and ‘What if I have a different accent?’. Playing a person who was inconsistent gave me such freedom and it was really joyful.”

In real life she’s a wife to production designer Bo Welch and a mother to grown-up sons Matthew and Luke. “I love to hear their opinions,” she says of her boys. “I love to hear what’s in their minds and what’s going on in their heads. I love laughing with them and I love laughing with my husband and my friends.” This most chatty of actors smiles again. “I just love sitting around talking.” n

Argylle is in cinemas from February 1

O’Hara in AMightyWind; (Right) As eccentric

Moira Rose in Schitt’sCreek

IanAnderson

I REMEMBER…

frontmanIanAnderson(76)istheandsongwriterof theprogressiverockband JethroTull,who,over23 studio albums and countless tours,hasmadehistoryas rockmusic'spremier codpiece-cladflautist

Ian was born in Dunfermline, Fife, before moving south with his family

MY EARLIEST MEMORIES ARE OF HAVING TWO VERY OLD PARENTS. My mother was 42 when I was born, which back then was seriously old to have a baby, and a little risky too. My oldest brother was 14 years older than me and the middle brother ten years older. When I was quite small they had both left home. I grew up almost like an only child. I tended to amuse myself and play in the garden and draw and paint and shoot. I suppose you do learn as an only child that you're going to have to get on with life and find your own physical and intellectual titillation. You're going to have to find things that excite and move you.

I WAS SHIPPED OFF TO SUNDAY SCHOOL IN EDINBURGH WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD. I felt a proper Charlie, because I was the only little boy among the Sunday school children who was wearing a kilt. On the two occasions I actually did go into the Sunday school, I was teased and felt embarrassed. I also felt rather threatened by the stories we were taught. Old-school Christianity was filled with retribution and anger that I didn't really enjoy. For the rest of my attendance at Sunday school, I didn't get closer than climbing a tree outside the church and hiding in the branches, waiting until the children came out, then dropping down to join

the school crocodile and walking out of the church to be met by my parents, who were then reassured that I'd been to Sunday school as I was supposed to.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE BEATEN BY AN OLDER MAN WITH A CANE [AT SCHOOL].

I felt there was something a bit weird about it. I couldn't help but think, Why does he seem to enjoy doing this? He got out his cane and was flexing it in preparation for giving me six of the worst, and I said, “I would really prefer, sir, if you didn't do that. I'm

happy to submit to some other punishment, whether it's detention or lines, but I'm afraid I can't let you cane me, sir.” He said, “What do you mean? That's the punishment you're getting. Bend over.” I said, “I'm sorry, sir, I'm unable to do that. I can't help you out there.” He said, “Well, it's simple. Either you submit to a caning, or you leave school right now and don't come back.” I said, “That's your decision, not mine. If that's the way you feel, thank you and the school for blessing me with a secondary education. Sadly, I must wave you goodbye.” And I went

onto the street, walked past the headmaster’s study and paused to look through the window, only to take my school cap and throw it into the air as high as I could and walk away, not seeing where it landed. It was a dramatic gesture, but I rather feel it made my point.

WHEN MY PARENTS MOVED US TO BLACKPOOL, my paternal aunt, who came to live with us, took me to two or three concerts. I got to see Cliff Richard, Adam Faith and the early Rolling Stones performing at

Blackpool’s ABC Theatre— which, when I was 12 years old, was a profound moment of recognising that that isn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, because the music they played was not what I was enjoying. I was drawn to the blues and Black American folk music. It felt very real and human.

WHEN WE MOVED DOWN SOUTH, I did manage to acquire a simple electric guitar. I wanted to twang like Hank Marvin of The Shadows, who I thought was one of the great guitar players of all time for his absolute precision in which he makes the instrument sing. It's a human voice sound. Then along came Muddy Waters and the blues guys. I started to pick out simple solos I could play and improvise upon. But this was a time when the guitar-playing world was becoming very crowded. A lot of hotshot guitarists down in London, like Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page and Ritchie Blackmore, were doing sessions for various pop releases and then went on to form their own bands. I decided it would be better to find something other than the guitar to play.

IN 1967 I EXCHANGED MY FENDER STRATOCASTER—

Ian and his family enjoy a day out in London

PREVIOUSLY OWNED BY LEMMY KILMISTER from Reverend Black, The Rocking Vicars and then Motörhead— for a Shure Unidyne-3 microphone and a £30 basic model student flute. That guitar today would probably fetch 50,000 US dollars on the market, but I will say it is the best deal I ever made. I got something that allowed me to become visible in a very large world. Being a large fish in a very small pool, playing the flute in a rock band, was infinitely preferable to being a very small minnow in a large pool of great guitar players.

I USED TO TAKE MY GUITAR INTO ART SCHOOL EVERY DAY, so I could go missing for a lesson or two and practise playing. I got discovered by the principal of the finance department who asked, “Why have you got a guitar here?”. I said, “I'm practising to play guitar.” He said, “Well, you should do that at home. You’ve really got to make a decision. Do you want to be a painter? Or do you want to be a musician?”. I said, “I'm honestly not sure yet.” And he said, “I'll tell you what, I'll keep you on the roll of students, but my suggestion is, don't show up and don't bring your guitar. Have a bit of time to think about what you want to do.” Which was great advice. I'm sure he hoped I would, after a week or two, come back and

say, “Oh yeah, that was pointless. I’ve given up my idea to play guitar and I’m going to commit myself to working hard.” But I didn't go back.

[JETHRO TULL’S

FIRST AMERICAN TOUR] WAS A LONG TOUR. It was 13 weeks away. We landed in Boston and our equipment didn't. We had to borrow equipment to play the famous Tea Party and then a couple of nights later at the Beacon Theatre. These were probably the two most important venues in the eastern half of the USA and luckily we did OK in both. The thing I remember about it was an awful lot of nights of not working, staying in the most appalling cheap hotel, sharing a room with another band member and being hungry, because we were trying to struggle on a few dollars a day and earning almost nothing from the few showcase gigs we did. It was a rough ride. But gradually we were

Ian has revived the band with some new faces

building up interest in the media. We continued with two other tours of the US in 1969, and by the end of that period we were headlining shows.

ONCE I WAS HIT BY SOMETHING ONSTAGE, and I assumed I'd been shot in the chest, because there was blood. I felt the impact but I didn't feel pain. My instinct was to carry on playing. Adrenaline had kicked in and was covering up the pain. I felt something sort of wriggling inside my shirt, so I reached and pulled out what I thought was a dead rat, but I realised it was a string attached to a used tampon that had been hurled at me. I don't believe any of the Beatles ever got hit by a used tampon. I'm not

sure whether to take it as the ultimate insult or some embedded form of endearment. Whoever did it, though, they should take up darts. They could win the World Championships with an unerring accuracy of aim.

I GOT TO KNOW [MY BROTHER] IN HIS LATE THIRTIES when he transitioned from being a pharmaceutical chemist to following his hidden dream as a theatre manager. He ended up working for 15 years at the Scottish Ballet and booked illustrious guest artists like Rudolph Nureyev and Margot Fonteyn. My days prancing around in tights and a codpiece go back to 1972, when the costumier at the

Royal Ballet designed my stage clothes. I was just hoofing around onstage. I suppose that gave the impression of my having some background in dance, which I didn't at all, but led to my brother asking if I would write some music for the Scottish Ballet. Along with a couple of other members of Jethro Tull and John Anderson from the band Yes, we wrote some stuff which was choreographed and performed by the Scottish ballet a year or two later. That's my brief relationship with the real world of dance.

WHEN I BOUGHT PROPERTY IN THE WEST COAST OF SCOTLAND, I looked at aquaculture as one of the things I might invest in to cover the running costs of a bigger estate. Three years later, we had our first commercial (very small) harvest. By the year 2000, we had seven fish farm sites and three factories, and were suppliers to a number of outlets in the supermarket world. It is very risky in that game, being a food supplier. Anything can happen that could result in a disastrous harvest. I would be sunk. I didn't have the backing of a multinational company behind me. I was a lone gun. I decided that music was probably a safer option, so I sold off the different wings of the company and left it all behind in 2002.

AS

A CHILD, I USED TO COLLECT BEETLES AND POND LIFE and

watch it grow. I was very interested in the natural world. In terms of conservation, at least the small wildcat species, that’s something that developed mostly in the Nineties and beyond. I tend to be more supportive of the small cats—lions and anything that’s going to bite my head off, frankly, I'm less inclined to get excited about. It's the little guys, anything like a Sereval or a Caracal—I have a deep love for those creatures in the wild. Unfortunately, my personal interaction has been in zoos where they've been repossessed from illegal zoos or private ownership. There are some wildlife sanctuaries where I've met these animals, but they belong in their natural environment. I would encourage people to enjoy the plethora of brilliantly made wildlife programmes, many of them at the behest of the BBC and, of course, David Attenborough. What Winston Churchill was to the Second World War, David Attenborough is to British television. He saved the day in terms of bringing this huge awareness to millions of people of the fragility of the planet that we live on and the effect that we've had upon it, particularly during his lifetime—and indeed mine. n

As told to Becca Inglis

Ian Anderson fronts Jethro Tull on The Seven Decades Tour in April and May 2024. Visit ticketline.co.uk to book tickets

DOWN SIMMER

My jaw hurts. Big deal, right? Right…at least at first: it starts with a looming deadline or a tiff with my spouse, but tension leads to jaw clenching and then pain. Soon chewing hurts, so my blood sugar drops and my head starts to ache. I cancel plans to exercise or see a friend, and my mood goes south fast. A good night’s sleep is impossible. I toss and turn and clench my jaw some more, then start it all again tomorrow.

Even the tiniest seed of stress can quickly snowball into debilitating symptoms. Not anxious or irritable or depressed (though it can do that as well). I mean physically ill in the whole body—from dead stem cells causing prematurely grey hairs down to reduced blood flow in your toes (seriously: “foot tingling” is common before and after a panic attack).

If you need a reason to take a breath, here are eight ways stress could be taking a toll on your body right now.

Eight compelling reasons your body wants you to dial back the stress in your life

BY Rosemary Counter

your Brain: Firstly, let’s define stress. “Stress is a state of worry caused by an external trigger,” says Krystal Lewis, a Maryland-based clinical psychologist at the National Institute of Mental Health. It can be shortterm and acute (like speeding out the door to get to work on time) or long-term and chronic (like a busy career).

Ideally, your stress is acute and you bounce back as soon as it stops. In reality, if you’re like one in 14 people in the UK who say they feel stressed every day, your stress is likely chronic.

“WHATEVER IS HAPPENING TO YOU EMOTIONALLY, THE GUT KNOWS IT AND FEELS IT”

hormones to help you deal,” says Lewis. These hormones can destroy neurons, particularly newly formed ones, leading to brain atrophy, shrinkage or damage to the prefrontal cortex—an area of the brain that’s essential for cognitive function, focus and memory-making.

your head, jaw and shoulders: The first place you might actually feel stress settle in is what experts call the “tension triangle.” “When you’re stressed and your body is in active fight-or-flight mode, your muscles tense up to prepare to protect you,” says Lewis.

Either way, your brain’s amygdala jumps into high alert, causing the hypothalamus to release a chemical rush of cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine. Hundreds of thousands of years ago, that might have helped you outrun a sabretoothed tiger. It’s less helpful today, when you’re having the same tigersized response to being late.

“Whatever it is, because you’re in a situation you can’t control or manage, your brain is releasing a flood of

Stay too long in that state—like holding yourself in a plank at the gym—and soon you’ll feel muscle fatigue and strain. Unconscious clenching of the jaw can lead to or exacerbate teeth grinding, temporomandibular joint (or TMJ) disorder or a truly awful-sounding “globus sensation” that makes it difficult and uncomfortable for you to swallow.

And have you noticed an unfortunately-timed Friday night headache after a hard week? That’s because as your stress hormones from the week plummet, blood vessels dilate (aka “vasodilation,” long associated with migraines) and you’re now in headachetown.

your gut: Stress feels “gut-wrenching” or “stomach-churning” because the

brain and gut are so intrinsically linked that scientists have a name for it: the mind-gut connection. It refers to the millions of neurons trading messages along the vagus nerve (a thick cable running from the brain to the gut).

“Whatever is happening to you emotionally, the gut knows it and feels it,” says Dr Emeran Mayer, a gastroenterologist and author of The Mind-Gut Connection. “The gut is the habitat of microbes, and anything that changes the habitat affects the microbes, which have to adapt.” Throwing them out of balance can wreak havoc on things like your digestion and immunity.

In addition, stress can cause changes in secretions of fluid, the time it takes for food to move through you, and intestinal permeability—called leakiness— where potentially toxic molecules from undigested food seep through the intestinal lining into the body and bloodstream. The body reacts to the misplaced molecules as it does all foreign invaders, explains Dr Mayer, via low-grade immune system inflammation. Meanwhile, stress increases acid production in, and slows the emptying of, the stomach, leading to acid reflux (heartburn) or irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). And any gastro pain you do have will actually

hurt more: “When you’re stressed, all your sensory nerves go up in sensitivity,” says Dr Mayer.

your heart: When it comes to the heart, short-term stress hogs all the attention. The very romanticsounding “broken heart sydrome” (aka stress cardiomyopathy) can happen when a person is under acute stress, be it emotional (as in grief or fear) or physical (such as a high fever or a seizure).

In some of these cases, a sudden release of hormones, such as adrenaline, may narrow the small arteries in the heart, decreasing blood flow to the organ temporarily. “You might have palpitations, hyperventilate or even faint if you’re not getting enough oxygen,” says Patrice Lindsay, a director at Canada’s Heart and Stroke Foundation.

The effects of short-term stress are immediate and palpable, sure, but there’s a reason that stealthier chronic stress is dubbed “the silent killer.” “Stress wreaks all kinds of havoc on your heart,” says Lindsay. Among them, increased heart rate, arrhythmias (irregular heartbeat) and excessive vasoconstriction—when blood vessels constrict, the opposite of vasodilation and the cause of those aforementioned tingly toes.

The largest effect, however, is this: living in a stressed state all the time raises your blood pressure—the top risk factor for heart disease and stroke. One in four adults worldwide has hypertension, which stiffens and damages arteries, decreases blood and oxygen flow, and increases the risk of blood clots.

your lungs: Cursed with seemingly endless colds every winter? A possible cause is unchecked stress levels slowly sapping your body’s resources. “Spiked cortisol dampens your immune system so it’s less powerful in the fight against the bugs that cause cold and flu,” says physiologist Laura Ginesi, fellow at the UK’s International Stress Management Association.

Among many complex interactions between stress and the immune system is this double whammy: stress reduces lymphocytes, your army of white blood cells often called “natural killers,” forcing those you do have to

work harder amid any chronic inflammation that’s already draining the immune system.

“YOU CAN COUNTERACT ALL OF THIS WITH SIMPLE TRICKS TO LOWER YOUR STRESS”

your skin: If you’ve ever blushed with embarrassment or broken into a sweat during an exam, you know that the epidermis, your body’s biggest organ, reacts to stress-induced cortisol almost instantly.

“Short-term stress, like feeling anxious before a presentation, can cause temporary problems like flushing, itching and sweating,” says Dr Alia Ahmed, a UK-based psychodermatologist who specialises in the interaction of the mind and the skin. Cortisol also drives sebum (oil) production, which is why you might break out the night before your wedding. All those will pass, thankfully, but that’s not the case with the long-term effects.

“Stress drives inflammation, which is implicated in aggravating existing conditions like eczema, psoriasis and rosacea,” says Dr Ahmed. Even people with crystal-clear complexions, however, can suffer from dry, scaly and

itchy skin when they are stressed. As cortisol levels increase, collagen levels decrease, causing lines, wrinkles, pigmentation, signs of premature ageing and dull skin.

Furthermore, stressed-out people sleep less, eat worse and are often dehydrated—all factors that take a toll on your skin.

your reproductive systeM: Ever charge through your front door after an awful day eager for romance?

Probably literally never. “Imagine holding a fist all day, and then at 8pm, unclenching to grab a fork,” says Dr Uchenna Ossai, an Austin, Texasbased physical therapist and sex educator. “Your hand won’t feel good, and the same is true of your body.”

Chronically high cortisol levels have demonstrable effects on sex hormones. For women, the hypothalamus, which normally tells the pituitary gland to produce menstruation-causing oestrogen and progesterone, is instead too busy managing cortisol. This can cause irregular or missed periods, decreased ovulation and reduced fertility.

For men, chronically high stress levels inhibit testosterone production, which can cause lowered sperm count, erectile dysfunction and impotence.

your Muscles and joints: Sore backs are common during stress, of course, but arms, legs, hands and feet may

also feel the burden. How does this happen, scientifically?

“Inflammation brings blood to the area to clear up any damage or debris,” says Ginesi. When your brain senses pain, whether because you’ve sliced your thumb or you keep clenching your jaw, it works to repair the damage. “Stress makes neutrophils—white blood cells that are part of the inflammatory response—more active in order to heal tissue.” As with that bleeding thumb, this can trigger nerve impulses that may lead to physical discomfort. “Inflammation causes redness, soreness, swelling and pain,” Ginesi says.

Chronic inflammation can feel like joint stiffness, tendonitis, or aches and pains. Left untreated, it can lead to irreversible scarring (fibrosis), DNA damage and, because it affects the way cells grow and divide, mutations that cause tumours or cancer.

That stress can kill is a terrifying thought, admittedly, unless you choose to turn it upside down. “You can counteract all of this with some simple tricks to lower your experience of stress,” says Ginesi.

For me, that’s yoga classes, meditating for ten minutes in the morning and a monthly massage. For you, it could be something even easier: studies prove that just closing your eyes and breathing deeply can help reduce and regulate your cortisol level—wherever you are, right now and for free. n

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When The World Spins

Vertigo is surprisingly common. Here’s how to handle it

BY Karen Robock

One morning last winter, Lynn Smith was doing a series of gentle yoga stretches in her living room, trying to loosen up a stiff lower back. When the 56-year-old sat up, she felt a bit strange. “I started to feel dizzy in a way I had not felt before,” she says.

In bed that night, Smith had the sensation that the room was spinning. She would later learn that she was experiencing her first episode of vertigo.

Vertigo is often described as a sensation of motion, but it’s more complex than a dizzy spell. Ringing in the ears, loss of balance, double vision and trouble swallowing are other common sensations, depending on what is causing the vertigo. Each episode can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days.

illustrations by Kate Traynor

Although it can affect people of all ages, vertigo is most common in midlife and beyond. It’s also more prevalent in women, though experts don’t fully understand why, says Dr Terry Fife, a neurologist at the Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix, Arizona, who specialises in balance disorders. Nearly 35 per cent of adults will experience vertigo at least once in their lifetime, according to one Canadian study.

It’s important to understand that vertigo is not a disease in itself: it’s a symptom. There are many reasons why someone may have vertigo, but it generally falls into one of two types: peripheral vertigo and central vertigo. With peripheral vertigo, the most common cause is a condition called benign paroxysmal positional vertigo, or BPPV (less common causes are head injury or Ménière’s disease, a rare inner-ear condition). BPPV develops when canaliths (tiny crystal-like calcium particles) that naturally occur inside the ear become loose and move deeper into the inner-ear canals. As they roll around inside, they can disrupt the transmission of information to the brain about balance. BPPV-caused vertigo can then flare up when someone leans back to look up into a high kitchen cupboard, bends over to tie their shoe or, as Smith discovered, folds over in a yoga pose.

Central vertigo is less common and occurs in people who are experiencing a problem with the

central nervous system, such as vestibular migraines (a type of migraine defined by extreme dizziness) or stroke.

With so many different causes of vertigo, the treatment options are equally diverse. “That’s why getting the diagnosis right is especially important,” says Fife. A primary-care physician may refer a patient to an ear, nose and throat specialist (ENT), or they may suggest a neurologist or a cardiologist.

BPPV will often resolve itself in a few weeks or months, but rather than wait, patients can try exercises to wiggle the canaliths, or ear crystals, back out of the inner ear. The Epley manoeuvre, which Smith had success with, is the most well-known. According to a 2023 study published in the journal Medicine, it improved vertigo in 98 per cent of patients. Medications, like those prescribed for motion sickness, can help quell symptoms when they strike.

Smith’s neurologist also recommended she avoid alcohol, sugar and caffeine, as they could potentially trigger episodes of vertigo. Stress and inadequate sleep are other possible triggers.

“Feeling the room spin was terrifying,” says Smith. As she shared her experience with others, she was surprised at how many people said they too had experienced vertigo. “This is not some obscure medical condition,” she says. “It’s more common than you think.” n

1 2 3 4 5

At-Home Treatment

For the most common vertigo type, BPPV, your GP may suggest the Epley manoeuvre. Perform each step as shown, holding each position for 30 to 60 seconds.

1. Sit on your bed. Turn your head 45° towards the affected side.

2. Keeping your head turned, lie back so your head hangs off the edge of the bed.

3. Slowly turn your head 90° to the opposite side.

4. Rotate your body so it’s aligned with your head.

5. Using your arm for support, sit upright while keeping your head turned.

TIP: If you can, have someone sit with you in case you experience vertigo while working through the movements.

Look Beyond The Ache

Nine solid reasons why regular dental visits matter

1. Because prevention is better than cure

Susannah Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

Regular dental check-ups are recommended to maintain healthy teeth and gums. The interval varies from three months to two years depending on your oral health. Your dentist will advise you on what’s right for you. The aim of a check-up is to nip any problems in the bud, before you experience pain, lose teeth or have other health problems. Gum disease has been associated with heart disease, for example.

2. You’ve got bad breath

Halitosis is embarrassing and can sometimes leave a nasty taste in your mouth. You might have a hole in your tooth, an infection or gum disease. Your dentist can give you tips on cleaning your teeth more effectively and treat more serious periodontal disease. Your family and friends will thank you for it.

3. Your gums keep bleeding

Persistent bleeding when you floss or brush isn’t normal. You might just be brushing too enthusiastically—yes, it’s possible to overdo it—but it could be gum disease. Your dentist will let you know which it is and help you resolve it.

4. To check for cancer

Dentists don’t just look for cavities and unhealthy gums; they can also spot mouth cancer and refer patients to hospital to see a specialist. Cases have risen by 34 per cent in the past decade, according to the Oral Health Foundation, but early diagnosis can save your life.

5. A tooth has changed colour

Yellowing and staining on your teeth are often linked to lifestyle (including drinking coffee, red wine, cola and fruit juices, and eating curries) and can be improved with a good brushing regime or whitening (have it done under a dentist’s care rather than risk ruining your enamel or sustaining chemical burns by using a DIY kit). If the inside of a tooth looks brown or black, it might need a filling. A tooth that goes grey might be dying.

6. You’ve started a radical diet

Some food plans designed for weight loss or better health, including the keto diet, can leave you deficient in some vitamins and minerals. This can jeopardise the health of your teeth and gums. A dentist can help you understand how to compensate.

7. You’ve had a new medical diagnosis

Certain conditions can affect your oral health. For example, high blood glucose levels in saliva caused by diabetes favour bacteria which can cause cavities. Some medications can cause oral problems ranging from dry mouth to stained teeth.

8. Your jaw is painful

There are various causes, including teeth grinding, a misaligned bite and a tooth abscess. Pain has a tendency to get worse, so make sure you ask your dentist to investigate.

9. You want to improve your confidence

More and more adults are having orthodontic treatment to straighten their teeth. Not only does it make a huge difference to your smile, it can also prevent gum disease, which is more likely to take hold if you struggle to clean crooked teeth. n

For more weekly health tips and stories, sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk

De-mist-ifying Brain Fog

Once you know what’s causing your mental wooziness, you can take action to start thinking straight again

What is brain fog?

We all have the odd off-day when we don’t think as clearly as we should, but when forgetfulness, trouble focusing or making decisions, and feeling mentally sluggish become the norm, then there might be something behind it worth investigating.

What causes it?

Menopause is a time of hormonal change when a drop in oestrogen levels is often to blame for suboptimal brain power. Poor-quality sleep, which also happens more at menopause, is another culprit, while sleeping too much can also make you feel befuddled.

Take a look at other aspects of your lifestyle too. Do you drink enough water? Dehydration can cause mental fog. Is your diet lacking in vitamin B12? This vitamin supports healthy brain function. It’s found in animal products, such as fish, meat, poultry, eggs and cheese, so strict vegans might be at risk of vitamin B12 deficiency.

A number of diseases can trigger brain fog. Long COVID, which can strike those who had the virus mildly

as well as people who were seriously affected, often causes memory issues along with fatigue. Another post-viral condition, myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), also known as chronic fatigue syndrome, is similarly characterised by problems with thinking, memory and concentration. An underactive thyroid can sometimes be to blame, as can depression and stress. Some medications affect cognitive function, and “chemo” brain is a common phenomenon after cancer treatment.

What can you do?

A regular sleep pattern, healthy diet and exercise are likely to help. But don’t exercise too vigorously if there’s a chance you might have a post-viral problem, when sufferers are usually advised to pace themselves. Exercises for your brain, such as word puzzles, on the other hand, might be beneficial. Aim to manage your stress—but not with alcohol.

See your GP if you’re worried and describe any other symptoms you have. They might order tests to get to the bottom of your brain fog. Mention any medications you think might be causing the problem. n

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Adversity’s Gift

Dr Max on the importance of embracing resilience in the face of challenges

I’m always wary of the tired old mantra, “If it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger.” I mean, what about polio? Or whiplash? Or loads of other horrible things that if you survive you’re left scarred in one way or another.

I think it’s a tired cliché that people trot out when they bump into you in the supermarket after something awful has happened and they don’t know what else to say and feel a bit awkward. Actually, some things that happen

Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full-time in mental health for the NHS. His new book, The Marvellous Adventure of Being Human, is out now

to people are just awful and that’s the end of it.

However, for many years I worked in a specialist NHS clinic for people with eating disorders. Eating disorders are a greatly misunderstood group of conditions. People often mistakenly think it’s just about vanity when instead it’s usually about control and many of those with them have a history of profound trauma or emotional difficulties. Eating disorders have the highest mortality of any mental illness, with one in five of those with an eating disorder dying from it. Treatment for it is long and arduous. So, it’s fair to say it’s not something to be taken lightly.

Yet over my time there I was often surprised by how many patients would tell me how the experience

had changed them for the better after receiving treatment.

I’ve noticed the same with patients with all sort of other conditions too, from depression to cancer. That’s not to say that they would ever wish their condition on anyone; just that through having their illness, they then had a better understanding of themselves and also a gentle, more sympathetic understanding of other people’s plights and difficulties. It’s not so much that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger; more, it might

CONDITIONS CAN GIVE PEOPLE DETERMINATION AND GRIT THEY NEVER HAD BEFORE

make you more understanding and sympathetic to the battles and struggles of others. It makes you softer and kinder, in a way. It can also give people a sense of determination and grit they never had before.

I had one patient who was very unwell and at a real risk of dying. As well as an eating disorder, she also used drugs and was an alcoholic. The combination of her mental health problems meant that the chemicals in her blood were often dangerously

abnormal and she was frequently rushed into hospital. However, over several years she worked incredibly hard and gradually improved. She stopped drinking, stopped using drugs and her eating disorder improved. She got back into work and started doing several courses so she could get promoted. In just a few years she had gone from someone who we all feared might die, to having a career and a mortgage and being infinitely happier.

We were preparing to discharge her from the outpatient clinic when she came to tell me some good news. She had just got an amazing new job on the board of a very big, famous company. She had applied for this just for the experience—she never in her wildest dreams thought she would get it. She’d leap-frogged about five rungs on the career ladder in landing this job. I was astonished.

She had had to go through a series of gruelling, intense interviews but she said that whenever she felt she couldn’t handle it or doubted her capabilities, she reminded herself that nothing would ever be as bad as what she had already gone through and nothing as hard as what she had already done. She swore it was this attitude that got her through the interviews. She had not only managed to turn her life around, but somehow used the struggles with her health to make the most of her life now she was better. n

The Doctor Is In

Dr Max Pemberton

Q: Dear Dr Max, a couple of weeks ago I suddenly experienced some hearing loss in my left ear. It felt like there was water in there. I had my ear drained in case it was because of a build-up of wax, but it’s still the same. What should I do about it?

A: You were right to assume that the most likely cause of sudden hearing loss is a build-up of wax. This is the most common cause of sudden hearing loss in one ear. It’s often accompanied by a feeling like your ear is blocked and sometimes itchiness. Using an otoscope (a piece of equipment with a light that looks into the ear) a doctor can typically see a build-up of wax and so it’s an easy diagnosis to make.

Sometimes when the wax is removed by syringing with water, this can damage the very delicate membrane behind the build-up of wax—sometimes called a “perforated ear drum”— which is why people sometimes still have problems hearing after they’ve had their ear syringed, but this is

relatively rare.

I was interested in the description you gave of feeling like there was water in there. Another cause for hearing loss in one ear is an infection and I do wonder if this is what your problem is. People often describe either earache or a sensation of pressure or fluid in the ear. If the infection is behind the ear drum, then it’s not always obvious without a careful examination of the ear.

There are also a few other rarer, but serious, causes of one-sided hearing loss, such as an acoustic neuroma—a type of small tumour that affects the nerves to the ear involved in hearing. On balance, given that you are still having hearing loss despite having your ears syringed, I do wonder if it’s an infection and therefore you should go to your doctor as quickly as possible to get this checked. If your doctor agrees after examining your ear, they will prescribe you some antibiotic treatment. n

Got a health question for our resident doctor?

Email it confidentially to askdrmax@readersdigest.co.uk

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Forgive And Forget?

It’s not always better to forgive people who have hurt you. Here’s why that is

Monica Karpinski is a writer and editor focused on women’s health, sex, and relationships. She is the founder of women’s health media platform

The Femedic

The message is drummed into us from childhood: forgive people who’ve wronged you, because it’s the right thing to do. Forgiveness is a virtue, we’re told—the only way for us to truly move on and heal, freed from the baggage of bearing ill will.

Call me unenlightened, but I’m not buying it. Forgiving someone can indeed be a beautiful thing, but it’s not always what’s best for us. In fact, if someone has hurt you deeply and the relationship isn’t healthy, trying to “fix” things can do more harm than good.

Most of us would probably agree that forgiving a wrongdoer means letting go of negative feelings—like anger and resentment—towards them. Often, there’s an expectation that we’ll put it all behind us and let them back into our lives, as if nothing happened.

Except that something did happen. And if we get the memo that, in order to be a good person, we should simply get over it and stop feeling hurt, it can make us feel that our experiences don’t matter. Or, at least, that they matter less than the situation being smoothed over.

This isn’t helpful. It pressures us to minimise our feelings and revise our boundaries—to say “it’s OK” when for us, it isn’t. While it’s not a good idea to fixate on negative thoughts, recognising and processing all of that

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pain is an important part of the healing journey.

And when someone doesn’t make us feel seen or safe, forgiving them can actually chip away at our selfesteem. A 2010 research paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology called this the “the doormat effect”. It found that folks who forgave partners that didn’t make them feel valued had less respect for themselves, along with a diminished sense of self.

The same was true when people granted forgiveness to partners who didn’t try to make amends after causing them hurt. This is probably because the forgiving party felt like they’d failed to stand up for themselves, note the authors: like they’d let themselves be walked over.

Things can get worse if you keep on forgiving someone who’s done wrong. Letting minor offences that happen now and again slide can be great for any relationship, but repeatedly forgiving bad behaviour can encourage that person to keep hurting you.

At least, that’s what 2011 research by psychology professor James K McNulty argues. McNulty looked at how 72 newlywed couples expressed

forgiveness towards acts of aggression, and whether this caused any changes in the perpetrator’s behaviour. He found that when a partner was more likely to forgive those acts, the aggressor was more likely to keep committing them.

McNulty suggests that this is because facing the consequences of their actions is what motivates people to change their ways, and being offered a clean slate can be a kind of pass to avoid making changes. His takeaway? Forgiving frequent and major offences, like verbal or physical abuse, can do more harm than good.

For me, this speaks to the core tension in the idea that we should always forgive: it puts the onus on us to resolve things, rather than on the other person to deal with the fallout for what they’ve done.

What if, instead of looking to forgiveness like a magic salve, we put our energies towards accepting a situation for what it is? This way, we can focus on recognising what happened and coming to terms with it, however that looks for us and without any sense of obligation towards our offender. It’ll still be a process, sure, but it’s one centred around you and your needs. n

Relationship Advice

Monica Karpinski

Q: My sister (42F) and I (46M) have drifted apart as adults and I miss the closeness we had when growing up. I’ve tried to get it back by spending more time with her, but it’s been hard for us to click or even to get along. We’ve had disagreements and hurt each other over the years and I fear we’re past the point of no return. Should I keep trying to patch things up or let it go?

A: Siblings are often the longest relationships we have—and they can also be the most complicated. There’s shared history and ups and downs over decades, all while you’re each going through a series of life changes.

It’s wonderful that you were close to your sister as children, and you should cherish those memories. But you are now decades older and are, essentially, different people. And rather than being lumped together under the same roof, now you need to choose to show up for each other.

So, if you want a good relationship as adults, you need a new start. This relies on whether you extend an olive branch and your sister accepts, and if you can have a healthy relationship as the people you are now.

It sounds like you want to make up with your sister. Reconnecting will be a gradual exercise of rebuilding trust, so take it slowly and gently. When you hang out, try not to react to her in an angry or defensive way. Instead, be kind and focus on the present.

You don’t have to air your grievances right away—in fact, some experts argue that you don’t necessarily need to at all. But you know yourself and the relationship, so if there’s something you do feel you need to resolve, be patient and pick the right moment to bring it up. This could be weeks, months or even years down the line.

There is a chance that your sister won’t want to move forward or that you decide the relationship isn’t actually healthy for you. It’ll hurt if things don’t work out the way you’ve hoped, but try to accept whatever you have for what it is. You might be friends, but not best friends—or perhaps even friendly acquaintances. Whatever distance is healthiest for you is the right one. n

Got a question for our resident sex and relationships expert? Email it confidentially to thelovedoctor@readersdigest.co.uk

Susan Baker with her son Andrew and his letterboard

TheMy son’s message of support may have changed a stranger’s life

Power Of 26 Letters

BY Susan Baker FROM THE GLOBE AND MAIL

AFTER A SLEEPY Saturday morning on my son Andrew’s 15th birthday, I whisk him off to a shoe shop near our home in Toronto to get a pair of sandals. We know the exact style and size he wants, and we time the trip to arrive right when the store opens. Andrew is nonspeaking autistic and prefers to go shopping when it’s not busy.

“Size 41 of those black slip-on sandals, please,” I tell the two clerks at the shop when we arrive.

photo by Brianna Roye

Andrew slips his socked feet into the shoes with no protest or head banging (signs of distress we have seen in the past). A perfect fit. We box them up and pay, and I thank the staff.

As we head toward the door, I say, “It’s Andrew’s birthday today. Fifteen! Got our new shoes and now we’re off to celebrate with family.”

“Happy birthday!” the sales assistants reply. “Have fun!”.

What comes next only happens when you act on intuition, when

the voice inside tells you to do things differently.

Instead of having Andrew point to the “thank you” symbol on the picture chart he carries with him, I pause and hold up his letterboard.

For ten years, we have carried around a rudimentary picture chart, which Andrew uses to communicate. It contains images that match his most important and most used words: people, places, food, greetings and activities. Over the years, neighbourhood kids, friends, cousins and classmates have studied the pictures and the strips at the top of the chart that contain even more “representations” of Andrew’s life.

The chart is banged up and dirty. It has been lost, found and replaced.

Andrew also uses a text-to-voice app on an iPad that conveys his needs and wants, again through words with picture symbols. These tools offer him the simplest, quickest way to communicate. But they are limited to specific objects, activities and statements.

Years ago, we discovered that Andrew could communicate more than just his basic needs through the use of a letterboard—by pointing to individual letters on an alphabet grid to spell out words, statements, thoughts. It’s a simple but profound tool. We have affixed a letterboard to the back of his picture chart to spare us the trouble of carrying multiple charts and boards. Brilliant.

We came to realise that Andrew would not initiate use of the letterboard on his own; with “motor planning” a challenge for his autistic body, we had to present it to him. As his parents, we need to remember to offer it to Andrew, to give him time to spell out what he wants to say and to respect his wishes if he pushes it away.

Using the letterboard requires significant time and effort for Andrew, but we persevere because we know it gives him an opportunity to share far more of who he is than can be conveyed though basic pictures and words.

WHEN WE LOOK UP FROM THE LETTERBOARD, THE SHOP ASSISTANTS ARE AWESTRUCK

And so, instead of dashing out the shoe-shop door, I hold up the letterboard and ask Andrew how he’d like to respond.

We never know what the receivers of Andrew’s words are thinking while he is writing. Even as the two of us focus on the effort of using the letterboard— the regulation, the concentration, the transcribing—the shop assistants are quiet, watching. Andrew points to each letter, one by one: “Thank you.” And that’s that. When we look up, they are

wide-eyed and awestruck. I smile and turn to leave.

One of the staff, a man about my age, speaks up: “Um, can I ask you… what is that? How does he…what are you using there? Because I have a brother-in-law…and he doesn’t talk.”

“Oh! This is an alphabet board that Andrew uses to communicate,” I reply. “Right, Andrew? We’ve practised it for years. It’s quite incredible, as we just didn’t know Andrew was so ‘in there.’ We didn’t even know this tool existed—it’s relatively uncommon. It’s changed everything for us, for our family, for Andrew.”

This is what happens when we show up—in all of who we are—in our light, our strengths and our “deficiencies.” We invite others into our humanness, and we allow them to share theirs.

“Let me give you my contact info, as well as the website of the spelling-tocommunicate organisation. There, you can find practitioners who will teach you this method,” I continue. “Are you on Facebook? Our family writes a blog and shares stories about our journey.”

I ask the shop assistant about his brother-in-law. Jason is 30 and doesn’t speak, but he can do a lot for himself. Still, no one really knows him. Maybe there’s more there, the assistant wonders. Maybe the family could look into this.

“Amazing!” I say. “We’ve met people—haven’t we, Andrew?—who started using this method when they were 50 or 15 or five! Andrew, what do

you think?”.

I hold up the letterboard, concerned that our time might be running out, but Andrew willingly starts pointing to letters: “Tell Jason…”

I immediately choke up. Sometimes I forget just how powerful the letterboard is. Just how powerful Andrew is.

“Tell Jason he will change everyone’s opinion of him in 26 letters.”

We are all moved, inspired, thrilled.

“Wow,” the clerk says. “Thank you.”

Andrew smiles. “It really does change everything,” I say.

And we leave.

I am floating, and Andrew is singing, as he does.

This is how it happens, how we impact another person’s life in a split second: by vulnerably leading with our own.

Maybe Jason and the shop assistant are reading this. I hope their family’s life changed because Andrew showed up on his 15th birthday to buy a pair of shoes. n

After Susan Baker originally posted this story on Love, Life & Autism, her Facebook blog, she received numerous messages from people asking how to they could help a loved one get started with a letterboard. Later, she returned to the shoe shop, where she learned that Jason now has a letterboard

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Martin Fry: If I Ruled The World

Martin Fry is a singer and songwriter who began his career as the cofounder and frontman of new romantic four-piece, ABC. He is the only band member to have been part of ABC for the entirety of its history

Everybody would sing I’m a singer and I have to say, after 40 years of singing, I find it very therapeutic. I joined a band and I got forced to the front and centre, which is usually where the singer stands, and I became a singer by accident. I think everybody should sing. I can see the benefits of it for your health and sanity. It doesn’t matter what voice anyone has. Some people say they can’t sing, but I don’t believe them.

I would ban Morris dancing* I’ve always been a bit scared of Morris dancers. I would encourage all other forms of dance—like singing, dancing is good for you, and as you get older you do less. But the one dance I would prohibit would be anything holding a stick and bells, and that will include Morris dancing—sorry, guys. Well, I’d soften the law on it. You’d have to fill out a long questionnaire as to why you want to do it. I’d have a committee to oversee everything, and if they were satisfied the Morris dancing could be done without any danger to the community, they would grant a license.

Kindness would be rewarded with a points system

You know when you fly on an airline and they give you Avios miles? I will introduce those for people who are friendly to each other. At infant school, they’d give you tiddlywinks or a gold star, so we’d develop

something along those lines. I’ve spent a lot of time being pretty sardonic and cruel, and when I look on social media I see a world out there where people seem cynical. I think we’ve all forgotten that we are part of one branch of a tree, rather than a separate forest.

I would ban weapons

I would dig a hole and bury a lot of weapons. It would be a big hole, but it would be worth doing, because where are we headed? It’s almost like people are getting nostalgic for wars again. Things are coming full circle.

Everybody would have an electric car We’re overdue on rethinking fossil fuels. It seems like we’re moving backwards in that direction, so I’m happy to go compulsory—give everybody ten years to get it out of their system. I’ve had the Tesla for seven years and have not missed that smell of petrol. I have navigated my way around the UK on electric. I could see the occasional moments of charge anxiety, but it scares me when I hear people talking about how there’s not enough electricity to go around. I think there is.

We’d have a closer relationship with our seas and rivers

I spend a lot of time in Barbados, and it’s such a joy to swim in a sea that’s not as contaminated as here in the UK. The sea is geographically an

enormous part of the planet, so I’d like us all to become seafarers and keep it as biodiverse and clean as possible. Polluting the rivers and seas just seems suicidal. We’d have a new form of police. They’d be like a semiaquatic police force—much more interesting than the police force today. Their outfits would be more like Aquaman.

My term would be limited I’d do an eight-year sentence, then hand it over to somebody much younger. I’ve seen so many guys my age mess up badly. It’s time for a new generation to take over. I don’t want a crown. Power corrupts anyway, doesn’t it? When you look across the world, every figurehead seems to run out of steam eventually—just walk into that hall of mirrors and get confused with their role. So I should stress that my rules are there not to be broken, but at the same time I’m only going to be there a short while. I’m a benevolent despot. n

AS TOLD TO BECCA INGLIS

*ToreadChristopherSomerville’sedict onMorrisdancing,whichMartinFryis respondingto,visitreadersdigest.co.uk

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Under The GRANDFLUENCE Judith Boyd (Style Crone)

Annie Dabb talks to the colourful fashion influencer known as Style Crone

DresseD in a burnt umber patterned scarf, a hefty pair of vintage earrings and a red velour fedora set at an angle, sits the bright and bold Judith Boyd, aka "Style Crone". She has over 120,000 followers on Instagram (@stylecrone) and 38,000 on Facebook (/stylecrone), and posts on her blog, stylecrone.com. Against a background of multicoloured scarves, Judith reveals how she uses her fashion sense to fight fast fashion and ageism.

What inspires you to dress the way you do? I started getting interested in what I wore during the 1960s. In the 1970s I moved to Denver and started going to estate sales. My friend then opened a vintage store—there were some really good vintage stores—so I just started wearing second-hand. In the Seventies I was wearing a lot of oversized 1940s dresses, belted, with boots. I just started to love not being like everybody else.

At that time there was no internet or anything, so vintage was reasonably

priced. I got into wearing vintage hats and I would wear them to work—I worked at a mental health centre on an emergency team—they were OK with it.

Has your style evolved over the years and what has been the impact of sustainability on your style? On social media I see wonderful things that I can incorporate into my own style, which is becoming more experimental as I grow older. I turned 80 last year, so I just wear what I love.

Due to climate change, we don’t have much time. Fast fashion has had such a horrible impact. Now, when I look back at the changes that I made in the Seventies, I’m very grateful that I did that, even though at the time I wasn’t thinking about climate change as I am now.

How was the process of building an online presence and community? I started my blog in 2010. My husband

of over 30 years, Nelson, had been diagnosed with a very rare cancer in 2005. My husband was very supportive from the beginning. He was my first photographer even though he’d never done that before, and I had never posted anything online about what I was wearing. My blog became a very important medium for me to not only dress up and lighten the devastating situation, but my husband and I connected through the lens.

Because my husband was receiving chemo, I would get dressed up and, as we were in the exam room waiting for the oncologist, he would take photos of me. I would post them and talk about what I was wearing, but also what I was feeling and the experience for both of us.

It felt like a gift and a lifeline for me. When he died, I knew I couldn’t stop because we had started all of this together. I had to get off the couch and get dressed to post online. I talked about grief and death, and about my reinvention.

Where did your name "Style Crone" come from? If you look up the word “crone” in the dictionary, the definition now is “ugly old woman”. When I was deciding what to name my blog, there weren’t any words that describe older women. “Mature” could be any age.

I researched what "crone" has really meant across the ages, and there were times in more matriarchal cultures when it was a very positive word. Older women were perceived as valuable because they would pass on their experiences to the younger generations. I really wanted to turn it on its head and bring it back as a word that could be seen as valuable. That we as older women are valuable. I feel like it’s a political statement, showing up on social media, because of ageism. I have to continually learn because all the platforms are constantly changing. When I’m afraid of something, I feel like that is a thing I should definitely do.

Read the full interview with Judith at readersdigest.co.uk

My Britain:

Wye Valley

BY Alice Gawthrop

Straddling the border between England and Wales sits the Wye Valley, an area known for limestone gorge scenery, dense native woodlands, and, of course, the winding River Wye.

The valley has been inhabited for at least 12,000 years, with caves near Symonds Yat and Chepstow bearing evidence of human settlement dating back to Palaeolithic times. Closely following the River Wye is Offa’s Dyke, the longest archaeological monument in Britain. It was built in the eighth century by King Offa to mark the boundary between England and Wales.

As well as its lovely people, the Wye Valley is home to rich wildlife habitats, with peregrine falcons and nightjars roaming the skies while shad and twaite swim in its waters. Three sites in the area are of international importance, having been designated as Special Areas of Conservation under the EU’s Habitats Directive: these are the River Wye, the Wye Valley and the Forest of Dean Bat Sites.

The Wye Valley is also known as the birthplace of the British tourism industry: in the early 18th century, John Kyrle developed the Prospect, a public garden in Ross-on-Wye offering views over the Wye. Later, in 1745, John Egerton began taking friends on boat trips down the valley. The Wye Valley attracted poets, writers and artists, including Samuel Taylor Coleridge and William Thackery. The area drew people in with its picturesque river scenery, and continues to do so today. ➺

The view north from Symonds Yat Rock and the Wye

Valley towards Ross-on-Wye

James Walton is the owner of the Old Black Lion, a pub and bedand-breakfast in Hay-on-Wye

oldblacklion.co.uk

I’ve lIved In Hay-on-Wye for about two and a half years now. It’s such a lovely town, and the area around the town is also fantastic. We used to live in the South East of England but we fancied a change, and we just fell in love with Hay.

There’s a huge independent spirit in Hay-on-Wye—other than the estate agents and the Spar, I don’t think we’ve got any chains at all. The big draw are the bookshops, but it’s got loads of cafes and other little shops, all independents. It’s got a castle as well, which is newly refurbished and is fantastic.

Around Hay-on-Wye you’ve got countryside, you’ve got mountains, you’ve got Hay Bluff, and you’ve got the lovely River Wye. The Wye Valley is situated right on the border between England and Wales. Hay is actually on the Welsh side, but there are bits of it that are in England. In fact, our house is in England but our business is in Wales. It’s quite quirky—lots of fun around the [rugby tournament] Six Nations!

There are a lot of people that have lived in Hay-on-Wye for a very long time, so there’s a very deep sense of community and everybody knows

A group of walkers on a road near Hay-on-Wye

and looks out for each other. But they also welcome new people into the community. We’ve been made to feel extremely welcome, and we’ve grown into the community over time. We support local businesses, they all help each other out. At the Old Black Lion, we source as much food as we can locally, and we use the local brewery, which is the Lucky 7 Beer Co, and Hay Distillery as well.

The Old Black Lion is a 17thcentury pub that has a two AA Rosette restaurant, rooms and a bar area as well. We won Best Pub in Powys 2023 and we just received our Gold Seal Good Food Award for 2023. We’re

known for our food and our great service. It’s lovely to offer this to the community, not just to the people that come and eat here but also to support other local businesses.

Hay-on-Wye has a big outdoor culture. We’re part of the Offa's Dyke, which is the old land border between England and Wales, so we have a lot of walkers, cyclists and horse riders. There are some really good horse riding companies in the area. We’ve got Hay Parkrun now too. My favourite place in the Wye Valley is the mountains, either cycling or walking the dog. There are some amazing views there!

The Olde Black Lion

Caroline Bennett is the owner of Country Made Catering, a catering company based in Ross-on-Wye country-made-catering.business.site

I have lIved here for 29 years, moving here to live with my now husband. The Wye Valley is unique for its lovely towns along the way of the river from Hay, passing our wonderful cathedral city of Hereford with the Mappa Mundi (the largest medieval map still known to exist) and chained library to Ross-on-Wye. It's the birthplace of tourism when, in the 18th century, William Gilpin popularised the Wye Tour (a two-day boat trip down the River Wye).

Being a Wye Valley resident means enjoying all the water has to offer, from fishing to paddle

boarding, and the beautiful flora and fauna along the way. The fields along the valley are rich with nutrients, growing the best asparagus and soft fruits. The Wye Valley spirit is, to me, a wonderful appreciation of this most beautiful river and the life it brings to us.

My catering business provides meals for many of the large houses used as holiday accommodation along the valley. It is a privilege to share this place and my delicious food with tourists from all over the world during their stay.

My favourite spot in the Wye Valley is the Prospect, a piece of land by the church in Ross-on-Wye, gifted to the town by our most famous benefactor, John Kyrle, from where you can see the horseshoe bend in the river and the countryside beyond.

Rowers in the mist in Ross-on-Wye; (Below) Kerne Bridge; Images courtesy of Caz Holbrook

Caz Holbrook is a self-employed photographer from Ross-on-Wye who kindly provided her photographs for his piece cazholbrookphotography.co.uk

I have lIved in the Wye Valley since 1972. We relocated to the area from Yorkshire when I was one for my dad’s job. Although both of my parents have now passed away and my three older siblings and their families no longer live in Ross-on-Wye, I really wouldn't want to live anywhere else now.

I love the beautiful countryside—as a photographer, it's often a feast for the eyes living in such a gorgeous part of the UK. I feel very lucky to be surrounded by so much green space. Having lots of places to walk and explore is really important to me. Getting outside is great for your mental health and living in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty like the Wye Valley means that you are spoilt for choice for walks and lovely views.

There is a really great sense of community in the Wye Valley and

especially here in Ross-on-Wye. William Gilpin discovered tourism here (he wrote about it in his book Observations on the River Wye, first published in 1782) and it still attracts a lot of visitors to this day.

I'm self-employed as a photographer, which I have been for over 25 years now. I love the varied nature of my work. One day I might be documenting a wedding and the next photographing an AirBnB or creating branding photographs for a local business. It really does keep life interesting. I love being able to work my own hours. It fits in really well around being a single mum and a lone parent, as it means I can often work in the evenings. It also works well for my little business being in a closeknit community, as that often results in word of mouth recommendations—the best advertisement there is!

My favourite spot in the Wye Valley is Ross-on-Wye of course! Though Symonds Yat is another stunning spot and there’s an iconic view from the top of Symonds Yat Rock.

The view from Symonds Yat Rock; (Left) River Wye; Images courtesy of Caz Holbrook

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Do you get lost easily? Are our phones making things worse?

Find out how our brains help us stay on course, and how you can improve your wayfinding skills

PLIGHT

Of The NAVIGATOR

BY Liann Bobechko FROM COTTAGE LIFE

I know my way around our cottage woods pretty well.

I can walk the path through the forest to the lake in the dark without a flashlight—my feet know the way. Around us, there are more than 40 hectares to explore, crossed by deer trails and electricity corridors, creeks and valleys. I’ve been tromping over that land my whole life, so it was a shock when I found myself lost there.

Late one bright, frigid afternoon in February 2022, my two daughters, aged 12 and nine, my husband, Steve, and I strapped on our snowshoes and struck out northwestward from the house. While making our way up the long, gradual slope, we stopped to look at the convoluted trails of mice running between trees, to investigate lichen and bracket fungi, and to adjust the kids’ snowshoes when they came loose.

As the shadows started to lengthen, we moved further up, clambering around fallen trees. Weariness began to outpace enthusiasm. At the top of the ridge, we came to a stand of

hemlock, where we discovered a couple of deer beds under the delicate branches. When had the animals last been there? Would a fawn snuggle up on its own in a small spot or beside its mama in a big one? We knew there were wolves around; we’d seen the remains of their deer kill a few weeks earlier.

In the shade of the dense cover, our feet and fingers started to feel cold. We decided to head back—but rather than backtracking over our original trail, we’d make a loop and trek down the steep side of the hill. I had a general sense that ahead of us lay the creek that leads to the valley, and so we trudged onwards, trusting that the stream would funnel us to the road, where the going would be easier.

We made our way down the hillside, into the glow of dusk, leaping from boulders into the deep, powdery snow with our big umbrella feet, shouting and laughing. We picked up sticks and became Jedi, exploring our way

through a strange, frozen planet. As the terrain levelled out in the valley, I felt my first pinprick of doubt. Everything looked flattish, the ground disguised by deep drifts. Where was the creek? Had we veered off course? I pulled out my phone to get my bearings, but in the cold air it died in my hand. That pinprick of doubt now felt more like panic: I hadn’t brought any snacks. Or a flashlight. No one even knew we were out. And it was getting dark. We were going to die here in the woods on an afternoon hike.

“MOST OF US have boundless confidence that we can figure out where we are,” says Colin Ellard, a professor of psychology at the University of Waterloo. He tells me about a park ranger who was lost in the woods but was so sure he knew where he was that he decided his compass was wrong. “So he destroyed it—

smashed it on a rock—because he was so frustrated. He thought, I know this way is north, but the compass was telling him it was this other direction.” Now, Ellard says, that ranger always takes two compasses into the bush. It’s comforting to hear that sometimes even experienced outdoors people can get disoriented.

There’s a huge variation in humans’ ability to find our way around the environment, says Giuseppe Iaria, a professor of cognitive neuroscience, specialising in spatial orientation, at the University of Calgary. Depending on factors including age, sex and genetics, a person’s ability to find their way varies considerably.

Most of us are pretty average at orientation: not exceptional, and we also don’t have significant problems navigating. “If you take 100 people, the majority are going to be within a wide, normal range,” Iaria says, “with some

people quickly becoming familiar with their environment and some taking five to ten times longer.” One or two per cent of people have a profound inability to find their way, even in extremely familiar environments, such as their workplace and neighbourhood, a condition that Iaria’s lab studies called developmental topographical disorientation, or DTD.

In the 1970s, scientists studied rats to try to understand how our brains navigate. They observed that certain cells in the hippocampus would “fire” when one of the rats was in certain

All of these cells work together to help animals (including humans) make sense of where they are. Recent research also points to the existence of time cells, which help us locate our memories not only in space but in time. “The hippocampus seems to be a central clearing house for understanding where we are in the world,” says Ellard. “Ideally placed near the centre of our brains, it receives a huge number of inputs and helps create the story of where we are and how we got there.”

So that’s where the magic happens.

WHETHER YOU’RE WALKING IN A FOREST OR ARE STEERING A BOAT IN THE FOG, HOLDING COURSE CAN BE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT

locations. Over time, the idea that the brain might form some kind of cognitive map gained credence. In the past 50 years, Iaria says, we’ve learned that it’s not just these “place cells,” as they are called, that help form mental maps by recognising places. There are also head-direction cells that help with orientation by firing when you’re looking one way versus another; border cells that help with spatial recognition, which fire when walking around the boundaries of a space; and grid cells, which fire at regular intervals and generate a grid-like mental map to help with spatial awareness.

But how does it happen? The strategy we most commonly use in getting around is procedural memory. Akin to muscle memory, it lets us, say, drive to work while listening to the radio. We don’t need to think about it—we’re on autopilot. “It’s a system for the brain to keep up without using higher cognitive functions and becoming exhausted,” says Iaria.

Assume that in your neighbourhood you have four places you go: your house, the shop, the bank and the bus stop. Your brain can easily remember the paths between those four points because you’ve walked them hundreds

of times. But what about the places we only go on occasion? That’s where the cognitive map comes in. “It allows us to go from place to place without having too much load on our memory,” says Iaria.

The cognitive map allows us to link up locations in our minds to form a spatial understanding of our surroundings. Because it’s dynamic, you can still direct yourself to the target location. In the woods, “the cognitive map is what’s going to save your life,” Iaria says, not following one trail you’ve taken for 20 years. When you rely on procedural memory, you can go out in the dark, but as soon as you get off that trail—say there’s a tree blocking it, or you followed a particularly interesting set of animal tracks—suddenly you don’t know your way back.

A cognitive map is more robust—

and made stronger each time you move around in it. But these maps don’t always keep us from getting lost, says Ellard. “Often they only have a vague resemblance to reality, the way a subway map is a boiled-down geometric map.”

Unfortunately, that was the case for me that day in the woods. As we went up the hill and away from the house, my mental map had grown increasingly fuzzy, like crossing onto the part of an old-timey explorer’s map labelled “Here be dragons.” In unfamiliar territory, I didn’t have a procedural memory or a cognitive map to rely on.

You’d think it wouldn’t be that hard to keep a running tally of where we are by remembering where we’ve been and how we got there. But whether you’re walking in a forest or up a mountainside, or are steering a boat in

the fog, holding course can be extremely difficult. It relies on a skill that we humans are not very good at, according to Ellard.

Called “path integration,” it gives animals information about how far they’ve gone from a starting place by keeping track of and integrating their

My family and I were paying attention to the details around us—the fungi, the fallen trees and the mouse trails. But as soon as we decided to head down the hillside rather than turning back, we left our landmarks behind and set off across a new snowcovered landscape.

BEFORE PHONES GOT SO SMART, I WOULD CHART MY ROUTE ON A PAPER MAP AND STOP ALONG THE WAY TO CHECK MY PROGRESS

own motion over time. Ellard says that path integration is very difficult, and that once the mental representation of the path is lost, it’s unlikely to be recovered.

So what other tools can we rely on? Paying attention to landmarks that help orient you is another strategy the experts recommend. “It’s easier in an urban environment to identify landmarks, such as a Starbucks or ‘the beautiful red building,’” says Iaria.

The challenge when you’re in the forest or up the mountains is to find the equivalent of the beautiful red building. How do you do this? The trees may look the same superficially, but once you remark on the details that make one tree, one rock, one bend in the creek different from another, you can use them as landmarks. You must consciously look for these critical details.

BUT WHAT ABOUT that instinct to check my phone on that winter’s day?

If my phone had worked, I would have used its GPS to figure out where we were. But it’s possible that the GPS may have contributed to my situation in the first place.

It’s a useful crutch, one that has often helped me get unlost in the city and along unfamiliar country roads. Before phones got so smart, I would chart my route on the paper map I kept in my glove compartment and stop along the way to check my progress or ask for help. With the ubiquity of GPS on our phones, are our brains out of practice? Even lazy?

If we always use GPS when going to an unfamiliar place, “we are going to lose some of those skills,” Iaria says. The brain is constantly optimising.

That’s good if you want to learn a

new skill—or new directions. Many studies have been done on the hippocampus, including famous experiments with London cabbies who do arduous training in wayfinding to prepare for a rigorous test dating back to 1865 known, charmingly, as “The Knowledge.” The study found that learning the city’s layout and routes (without GPS) seems to strengthen the drivers’ brains, changing them physically.

“The bad news is that the brain does not like to waste resources,” Iaria says. If you’re not using those important skills, the connectivity that supports

that behaviour is not there anymore. “It’s ‘use it or lose it,’” says Iaria. “If there’s brain function, it’s there for a reason. If there’s no function, it gets reorganised into something else.”

So if we’re using GPS all the time, we’re not keeping up our navigation skills. This was the finding of a McGill University study by researchers Louise Dahmani and Véronique Bohbot. They found that the more people used GPS, the worse their spatial memory became when navigating without it. Furthermore, they found a noticeable decline in the spatial memory of people who used GPS over a three-year period.

If we don’t want to lose our skills, then, does that mean we should we stop using GPS altogether?

Navigation can be a challenge for most people, especially at a time when we travel far and fast, so there’s no harm in getting the occasional help from apps and tools on devices. “I use one myself,” Iaria admits. “I just use it strategically—to keep from being late, or if I don’t need to know where that place is because I won’t be there again.”

On the other hand, there are times when we should practise without that crutch. “If I’m in a new town and have time to explore, I don’t use GPS,” Iaria explains. His website gettinglost.ca offers resources and videos for those with DTD (and that can also help anyone, especially people with declining memory).

“I may use a map to get a sense of where things are, but that’s where it’s important to use our cognitive skills,” Iaria says. He suggests strategies such as exploring an area of about one square kilometre, learning to discern landmarks as you go, then expanding from there. As you explore, you learn to connect landmarks together. In a new

place, you can practise building a cognitive map.

That afternoon, after my phone died in the cold, I quietly admitted to Steve that I wasn’t sure where we were. He calmly assured me to stay the course. We kept walking—with me trying not to freak out—and suddenly made out the curve of the road, lit slightly brighter where the tree canopy parted. Everything snapped back into place. My brain made a connection between my current location and a familiar place on my cognitive map. I recognised where I had been, and my paths became aligned, allowing me to find my way without feeling lost. It’s an embarrassing story to tell, especially because we came out to the road almost within sight of the house.

But that embarrassment taught me an important lesson. Whether I’m at home, on the road or in the forest, I need to keep exploring and pushing my boundaries to expand my mental maps and practise moving around in them. Like the mice in the snow, I need to make new paths—both on the ground and in my mind. n

@2022, LIANN BOBECHKO. FROM “OFF THE MAP,” COTTAGE LIFE (MAY 2022), COTTAGELIFE.COM

Lovebirds

The common name for the genus Agapornis, lovebirds are small parrots native to the African continent, and include nine speices. Their name comes from their strong, mongomaous bonding—they mate for life and don’t like being alone

SHIPS THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT

BY Rob Crossan

The Shipping Forecast was first broadcast exactly a century ago. Far from a mere weather service for seafaring vessels, it’s become one of the most beloved staples of British life. But in a digital world, can this relic of maritime safety survive?

Sailing yachts and fishing boats at their moorings at Isle of Skye; (Right) Old shipping weather forecast map

BACK IN 1994, THAT NASCENT YEAR THAT PROMPTED COOL BRITANNIA, THE UK SEEMED TO BE RIDING A HEDONISTIC HIGH NOT SEEN SINCE THE MID-1960S.

Oasis sang about cigarettes and alcohol; celebrities, models and pop stars were photographed falling out of London’s Met Bar. Danny Boyle made a film about heroin which had a poster and soundtrack CD that no bedroom belonging to someone aged between 15 and 25 could be without. But amid the tequila slammers, retro trainers and Trainspotting was a very different kind of song; one that climaxed arguably the most venerated album of the era.

“This Is A Low”, the penultimate track on Blur’s Parklife, was four minutes of quintessential Englishness bedding down, unforgettably, with pathos. The lyrical subject matter that frontman Damon Albarn chose was the Shipping Forecast.

“Hit traffic on the Dogger bank/Up the Thames to find a taxi rank/Sail on by with the tide and go to sleep/And the radio says/ This is a low. But it won’t hurt you/When you are alone/It will be there with you/Finding ways to stay”

Albarn seemed to know that, behind the shiny façade, England

remained, even amid Britpop, an isolated place; an island whose coastline is fraught with tempests and mystery.

For exactly 100 years now, the Shipping Forecast has kept mariners safe at sea from the storms and deep, watery unknowns Damon sang about. But this strangely dislocated meteorological mantra means so much more to people, even those whose connection to the waters that surround Britain doesn’t extend further than taking the ferry to Calais once a year to buy duty free.

“It is a trusted forecast, and not automated or of dubious quality, so it’s kind of like the gold standard. All vessels, even huge ships, will be affected in a hurricane.”

So says Chris Almond, a meteorologist who leads on marine forecasting for the Met Office, the Exeter-based national weather service for the United Kingdom. Chris is part of the team that compiles the Shipping Forecast on behalf of the Maritime and

Coastguard Agency, before the BBC broadcast it—four times a day on longwave radio and twice a day on FM, DAB and also on the internet.

Although neither the BBC nor the Met Office seem to know how many people actually listen to the forecast, it’s somnambulistic qualities in solving insomnia—or simply being a comforting ever-present in people’s lives—have been vouched for over the decades. The likes of Dame Judi Dench, who chose the forecast when she appeared on Desert Island Discs, and Stephen Fry, who lovingly

FOR EXACTLY 100 YEARS NOW, THE SHIPPING

FORECAST HAS KEPT MARINERS SAFE AT SEA

lampooned the forecast in the 1980s with a surrealistic broadcast which contained lines such as, “…Shetland, Jersey, Fair Isle, turtleneck, tank-top, quite misty, seasickness,” are just two names to sing its praises.

(L-R) Damon Albarn sang about the forecast; the Maritime and Coastguard Agency responsible for the forecast; Dame Judi Dench selected the forecast on a radio show

“I’ve heard a few misunderstandings before,” says Chris at the Met Office. “Firstly, that it’s made up just to sound good! Others think it is written by a computer or by the BBC. And I suspect a lot of people probably don’t realise the very strict terminology and structure of the forecast, and the exact meaning of the terms.”

But the scientific information imparted is just the spume that lightly flicks over the sand when it comes to the true strength of the forecast and the hold it has over so many of us.

Gazing into the depths of the night, a seascape of indigo swept by a distant lighthouse beam, the Shipping

Forecast is as much a hymn to our seafaring island as it is a formal meteorological bulletin.

“While I will always bang the drum for the shipping forecast’s primacy as an instrument of safety at sea, it has been part of the soundtrack of my land-lubbing life for as long as I can remember,” says Charlie Connelly, a London-based author who travelled to every area on the Shipping Forecast map for his book, Attention All Shipping, which is being republished in January.

“The forecast invokes a comforting nostalgia whenever I hear it,” says Charlie. “I’m far from being alone in

JOHN BENTLEY / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

that—I’ve been contacted by scores of shipping forecast fans over the years sharing their love of it; I’ve also heard from people abroad who find it a reassuring reminder of home. I remember talking to the captain of a cruise ship at Leith docks once who told me that when he first picks up the Shipping Forecast on long wave, when he’s heading east across the Atlantic, he experiences a surge of emotion every time, realising that he’s nearly home.”

Before the Shipping Forecast, there were infinitely more deaths at sea than there are today. After a tempest in the Irish Sea storm in 1859 destroyed

more than 100 ships and killed hundreds of men, Vice Admiral Robert Fitzroy, founder of the UK’s Meteorological Department, designed a telegraph maritime storm-warning system in 1861. It was only on New Year’s Day, 1924, that the Air Ministry began a daily “Weather Shipping” broadcast over its frequency signals.

In October of the following year, the nascent BBC took over broadcasting the bulletin, a four-times daily routine that, in slow, impartial, non-emotive tones read by a Radio 4 announcer, gives us the incoming weather conditions for all the areas on the Shipping Forecast map. The names of

(L-R) Filey Promenande compass; navigational boat equipment; lighthouse on Tory Island off County Donegal; Robert Fitzroy

these areas, from German Bight to Dogger to Fastnet to Lundy, are the armature of the modernist poetry of the forecast; starting in the North-East of the map in Viking and ending in the North-West of the map with South-East Iceland, taking in 31 sea areas en route.

Forecast issues warnings for F8 (gales) and above, which is of more interest to larger boats.”

TO THE HORROR OF FORECAST LOVERS, THE TRADITIONAL LONG WAVE FORM IS ABOUT TO BE SEVERED

To the horror of many forecast lovers, the traditional long wave form of communication is about to be severed when the BBC shuts down its long wave transmitters this year. Critics claim that the forecast is a vital back up for mariners should their more modern digital tech fail. Could ships manage without the forecast at all in 2024?

“The smaller the vessel, the lower the wind speed that affects them generally,” Chris Almond explains.

“The Inshore Waters Forecast (which has the same basics as the Shipping Forecast but contains more local detail for all around the UK coast) focuses warnings on winds reaching F6 (strong winds) and above. This is more relevant for smaller craft, whereas the Shipping

So the forecast would seem to still be a pretty vital tool. Though the Met Office hasn’t always got it right. Back in 1979, 19 people died in the Fastnet Yacht Race, after the Shipping Forecast failed to predict the ferocity of incoming storms between Land’s End and Fastnet. The Met Office believes advances in technology mean such an erroneous forecast could never happen today. It’s a view substantiated by stats that show Britain loses, on average, fewer than 200 people a year in the seas around the UK; a remarkably low number given that thousands of people are out there at any one time on ferries, cruise ships, cargo vessels, trawlers and yachts.

Although traditionalists will always claim that the Shipping Forecast sounds best on slightly muffled long wave, the joy of the bulletin for its most loyal devotees comes not with the frequency, but with the timing. It’s the 0048 forecast, preceded by the soothing tones of “Sailing By”—a piece of instrumental string music by Ronald Binge (actually composed to be the musical soundtrack to a 1960s BBC documentary about a hot air balloon race)—that is where the true soul of the Forecast lives.

To listen is to embrace a contemplative sense of looking at

distant horizons with a rhythmic, habitual calm. It’s all but impossible to tune in without conjuring up a picture of someone, alone with his vessel, clutching his sou’wester closer to his chest, throwing a damp cigarette butt overboard before clomping back down below deck. The whip and slather of storm and fog enveloping him amid a century of epithets and latitudes, navigating and intoning, imminently and intimately.

“It is best heard tucked up in bed, safe and sound, hearing about violent storms and hurricane force

gales and giving thanks that you’re not out there,” concludes Charlie Connelly.

“If you are out there, the Shipping Forecast is a calm, authoritative voice coming out of the darkness like a beacon of safety, ensuring that even in the middle of a raging sea, you’re never alone.” n

Charlie Connelly is touring his show Attention All Shipping: A Celebration of the Shipping Forecast throughout 2024. His book, Attention All Shipping is published by Little, Brown Book Group

(L-R) Listening to the shipping forecast tucked up in bed; St Ives tide times and shipping forecast; a ship in rough seas

The Glasshouse in Edinburgh!

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Flights from London Gatwick, Glasgow, Belfast or Dublin to Malaga

4 nights in Loja and 3 nights in Granada

A half day walking excursion of Antequera

A full day excursion to the World Heritage city of Cordoba

A full day excursion to Granada including a visit to the Alhambra Palace and Fortress

A full day excursion to Seville including a guided city tour and a visit to the Alcazar

The Darvaza crater in Turkmenistan is known as the Gates of Hell. I stood on its edge—and lived to tell the tale

TO HELL AND BACK

BY Tim Johnson

The Darvaza Gas Crater in Turkmenistan’s Karakum Desert

CIRCLING THE GLOBE

as a travel writer, visiting almost 150 countries over about 20 years, I have seen a lot of remarkable things. I’ve stood in the basket of a hot-air balloon and watched herds of elephants crossing the Serengeti. I have travelled by helicopter in Antarctica to see humpback whales feeding in the frigid waters. I’ve been awestruck by the Taj Mahal in India, Machu Picchu in Peru and the Pyramids of Giza. I have even felt the last rays of a sunset quickly fading over Cambodia’s Angkor Wat as I sat atop a temple.

But I have never, ever seen or experienced anything like the Gates of Hell, its flames dazzling from the bottom of the crater 98 feet below, lighting up the Karakum Desert with burning methane. My visit, nearly a decade ago now, was truly an unforgettable experience.

That place is on my mind these days because it has been in the news recently. Darvaza, Turkmenistan’s famous flaming gas crater, is finally about to be extinguished, its polluting abyss plugged, hopefully forever. The country’s new president, Serdar Berdimuhamedov, has announced that the United States is going to help

his country do it for the good of the whole world.

The crater is in one of Turkmenistan’s two main gas fields, both of which are huge contributors to climate change (satellite data gathered on behalf of The Guardian shows that methane leaks from those fields caused more global heating in 2022 than all the carbon emissions of the United Kingdom).

According to the United Nations Environment Programme, methane is responsible for more than 25 per cent of the global warming we are experiencing today; it traps more heat in the atmosphere per molecule than carbon dioxide (CO2), making it 80 times more potent than CO2, and for longer—20 years after it is released.

The United States in particular has been earnest in this matter, with top brass, including former senator and now special envoy for climate John Kerry, and Secretary of State Antony Blinken, meeting with Turkmenistan’s president and other officials in spring 2023.

Taking care of the Darvaza crater was one of the main goals of the global community heading into the United Nations COP28 climate change summit in Dubai last November. That’s a good thing. But allow me to indulge in my memories.

My visit back in 2015 to Turkmenistan’s biggest tourist attraction was near the end of an epic overland trip across Central Asia, on the trail of the old Silk Road. I had landed in Tashkent, the bustling capital of Uzbekistan, the country to the northeast of Turkmenistan, and spent some time with a small international tour group exploring that country: the blue domes and busy bazaars of Bukhara and the grand old city of Samarkand,

the heart and soul of the conqueror Tamerlane’s 14th-century empire.

I got a haircut and shave, traditional style—meaning that the barber used an open flame to shear excess hairs from my face. I washed down hearty meals like shashlik (mutton skewers) and manty (dumplings filled with spiced lamb) with cold local beer.

Then it was time for the long drive to Ashgabat, the capital of Turkmenistan. I couldn’t wait to see it; I’d heard it had the most white-marble-clad buildings

Ashgabat; (Bottom right) Gates of Hell in the daytime

Darvaza Gas Crater

TURKMENISTAN

IRAN

AFGHANISTAN

UZBEKISTAN

KAZAKHSTAN

Caspian Sea

Ashgabat

in the world. And some fairly bizarre structures, including a giant thermometer and the world’s largest enclosed Ferris wheel. But first, we’d be stopping along the way for the main attraction: to see the so-called Gates of Hell.

After we crossed the border into Turkmenistan, the arid, endless landscapes became even more vast. The basic, cosy motels we’d stayed at until this point were well behind us. We rolled over miles of rough desert roads for the next few days, far from any significant settlement, and slept in pup tents, just a thin layer of canvas between us and the stars.

Finally, pulling into a flat spot tucked between two hills one afternoon—one of the most desolate places I’ve ever seen—we reached the Darvaza crater area, where we’d camp that night. First though, our guide told us, we’d be going to see the crater, five miles away.

Soon, a driver arrived from Ashgabat in a big four-wheel-drive Land Cruiser that we’d need to get near the flaming hole. Our group of six piled in and, chasing the sunset, we raced through the Karakum Desert, driving hard on the road to hell.

According to the old saying, this particular route is paved with good intentions, but in reality, ours wasn’t paved at all. We fishtailed through the sand and kicked up a rooster tail of dust that looked a mile long. Crammed into the back of the Land Cruiser, I held on tight as our Turkmen driver pushed the vehicle to breakneck speeds, music cranked, tuned to a mix of Europop and twangy Middle Eastern strings. As we wove around hills and roared over ridges, old, disused pipes and drilling equipment flashed

Tim Johnson on the edge of the Darvaza Gas Crater

by in the shadows. We spotted a lone camel, up high on a copper-coloured knoll to our left. But both were soon left in the dust as we hustled toward a flaming crater on the horizon.

And there it was.

Seeing the flames, my companions and I twitched with excitement. “Hell,” said my seatmate in a crisp Liverpool accent, “here we come!”.

turkMenistan was, until 1991, one of the southern republics of the Soviet Union, which eagerly harvested its vast natural-gas resources. Since the fall of communism, the country, with a population of 6.5 million, has been ruled by a succession of three eccentric dictators.

The first, Saparmurat Niyazov, declared himself “president for life,” renaming the months of the year after his family members and erecting dozens of golden statues of himself across the country before his death in 2006.

After him, President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov allowed for a greater opening of the country—one that led to a remarkable influx of tourists, who come here to gaze up at shimmering minarets and down into the depths of Hades. And he continued his predecessor’s authoritarian ways while settling for a more modest personality cult.

Well, I say “modest,” but as leader he was also a little eccentric. For example, on the Turkmen national holiday in 2018, he released a video in which he

rapped about his favourite horse breed—the same breed that, a few years earlier, he’d commissioned a gold-coated statue of, with himself in the saddle. It sits on a busy roundabout in Ashgabat. And in 2020 he unveiled a statue of his favourite canine breed. A large gold-plated Alabai dog, a symbol of Turkmen pride, stands on another Ashgabat roundabout. A video screen at its base shows children playing with the breed, running through grass and the desert. He stepped down in 2022, though he still bears the nickname “Arkadag” (Hero Protector).

His successor is one of his offspring, Serdar Berdimuhamedov, who appears to be continuing down the same road (like father, like son). The new regime is building a city 18 miles from the capital at a cost of nearly £4 billion. Its name? Arkadag.

THE DANGER WAS PART OF THE THRILL, KNOWING THE GROUND COULD GIVE WAY AT ANY TIME

turkMenistan’s biggest tourist attraction is still, for now, the flames in the desert. Roughly halfway between the Unesco World Heritage Site of Kunya-Urgench at the northern border and Ashgabat in the south of the country, the Darvaza

Gas Crater sits near the geographic centre of Turkmenistan.

But it’s been here for only around 50 years. In the early 1970s, Soviet geologists, believing they were sitting on an oil patch, started drilling on this spot. To their surprise, they hit a large pocket of methane. The ground opened up, creating a hole some 226 feet wide and 98 feet deep.

The geologists then doubled down on their mistake by setting the crater on fire, believing they could burn off the methane pouring forth from it within a few weeks. Five decades later, Darvaza still burns.

THE FLAMES BELOW, FEARSOME AND SUBLIME, BURNED THROUGH THE GLOAMING

Before we arrived at the crater, we had been warned to stay ten feet from the edge, because pieces of the dry, cracked desert are known to crumble into the pit (countless spiders also plunge into its depths, apparently pulled there by the light within). At the time of my visit, the site had no designated pathways or guardrails. I’ve read that a modest fence was installed in 2018.

Like those spiders, most of our little group were drawn to the glow.

Climbing out of the Land Cruiser, I made my way to the edge, peering down at the central flame. It was a surreal, otherworldly sight: a hole just glimmering and smouldering in the desert.

I had expected the rotten-egg smell of sulphur, but the gas was almost odourless. And when the shifting winds chased the heat out of the crater, it was an intense, dry, sauna-like smack to the face—like being hit with the powerful wash from a jet engine. I had to check my eyebrows to make sure they hadn’t been singed off (which would have been fitting, given my barber shop treatment earlier in the trip). The gusts were also stifling; methane isn’t toxic, but it displaces oxygen, making it hard to breathe for a few seconds.

We were there roughly three hours. I circumnavigated the crater several times under the darkening sky, standing perilously close to the lip, even venturing out on a small, overhanging spit of soil reinforced by some old, now-broken pipes to get a better vantage point. The danger was part of the thrill, knowing the ground could give way at any time, casting me into a burning pit. I felt a bit like Indiana Jones.

We took turns posing in front of the great, flaming chasm for once-in-a-lifetime photos. One couple unfolded chairs and sipped cheap Uzbek wine, their faces and glasses illuminated by the nearby

flames as they enjoyed a weird, romantic moment.

Too soon, we were on our way back to our ersatz campsite, those same vaguely Middle Eastern beats thumping from the speakers, a nearly full moon illuminating the desert.

You could say I had been to hell and back, but it felt like something else. A visit to a strange land, certainly, or a different planet, maybe. It could have been the gas (or the adrenaline) affecting my senses, but I felt the glow all the way back to camp.

Looking back on My visit, that chasm seemed ferocious, unquenchable. And indeed, despite the current excitement about closing the crater, some experts have serious doubts that it will help. Even if the flames can be extinguished and the crater and the surrounding area are filled with cement, the gas will still likely find a way to leak out, says Mark Tingay, a professor with expertise in petroleum geo-mechanics at Australia’s University of Adelaide.

“The gas is likely coming up from its deep source through fractures and through the rock’s natural permeability,” he says. If it were somehow corked, “the gas would likely still flow around that cap and escape to

the surface along new pathways.”

It seems these theories will be tested, and soon. Even attempting to plug it will be a mammoth project. Just the first task—extinguishing the flames— could involve dousing it with a mindboggling amount of foam (picture a giant fire extinguisher) or suffocating it with a colossal fire blanket.

And even if there were no flames, there’s still the problem of all that methane that would continue to rush up from the depths and leak out. There is a possibility that the methane could actually be captured before it hits the atmosphere and be used as an energy source, but there doesn’t yet seem to be a firm plan in place for the Darvaza crater.

But in my mind, Darvaza will always be that moment the sun faded, and the stars came up. Standing there on the edge, the night cooling, so many miles of desert around me, in that faraway land. The flames below, fearsome and sublime, burning through the gloaming. Something from a fantasy, or a dream. On the brink of one of the Earth’s great curiosities, somewhere between the heavens and—yes—hell. n

@2023, TIM JOHNSON. PORTIONS OF THIS ARTICLE FIRST APPEARED IN THE GLOBE AND MAIL

Lifelong Learners

Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children, and not for the education of all adults of every age?

ERICH FROMM

At Citalia, we have been helping our guests discover the very best of Italy for over 90 years. Our experience and expertise, together with our attention to detail and personal touch, really does make us the UK’s leading Italian holiday specialist

Our history in rail travel and relationships with trusted hotel partners

mean we can build every aspect of your trip, so everything is taken care of before you even pack your bags.

Whether you’re looking to spend your days soaking up the splendid spring sunshine on the beach or want a history exploration through the ages, we take the time to handcraft an Italian holiday bespoke to you. To

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Did you know that visiting beautiful Capri will only take 25 minutes by ferry? You can also combine these two luxury destinations with Citalia’s Sorrento and Capri multicentre.

Welcome to Citalia’s Guide to Spring in Italy

Italy in the spring is like something out of a magical storybook. The frosty weather ends, bringing forward the gorgeous blooming flowers. Whether you’re looking for a relaxing Italian holiday with the one you love or a family feast of water fun, Italy in spring offers something for everyone.

SORRENTO

Sorrento holidays are ideal for spring in Italy. The wonderful small-town feel, along

with the proximity to the city of Naples allows you to enjoy the best of both worlds. Lemon scents fill the air as your eyes make their way across the Bay of Naples, where mammoth Mount Vesuvius makes an appearance in the background.

WHERE TO STAY: IMPERIAL HOTEL TRAMONTANO

Situated on the Sorrentine Peninsula, the Imperial Hotel Tramontano is set amidst gorgeous, lush grounds near the historic centre of Sorrento. The awe-inspiring ocean views with the mighty Mount Vesuvius in the distance are truly unforgettable. The swimming pool is ideal for sunbathing while the platform allows you to dive into the Mediterranean Sea.

LAKE GARDA

Situated in northern Italy, Lake Garda offers some of the most incredible scenery in Italy. Surrounded by amazing peaks, historic castles, and charming towns, your spring in Italy is sure to be packed with adventure. On the shores of Lake Garda, family-friendly fun and excitement await. The largest lake in Italy is full to the brim with exciting activities, in and out of the water.

WHERE TO STAY: HOTEL CAESIUS THERMAE AND SPA RESORT

Hotel Caesius Thermae and Spa Resort is a four-star hotel on the southern shore of Lake Garda. This is the ultimate Italian holiday for relaxation and rejuvenation with a range of state-of-the-art treatments and services to heal your body and mind.

LAKE COMO

Luxurious lakefront mansions and Michelin Star restaurants await on the shores of Lake Como. For a true luxury Italian experience, Lake Como is the place to be. It’s a popular honeymoon destination for its romantic holiday atmosphere, with picturesque peaks, historic villas with lush gardens, and charming towns that take you back in time.

WHERE TO STAY: GRAND HOTEL VICTORIA

Set on the glistening shores of Lake Como, Grand Hotel Victoria offers some of the best views of the rolling green hills and the crisp blue waters of Lake Como. The onsite Lago terrace restaurant offers sensational Italian cuisine with a glorious view.

TUSCANY COAST

Holidays to the Tuscany Coast take you on a tranquil Italian getaway filled with golden sandy bays, romantic sunsets, and charming restaurants. If you’re after sunbathing bliss, the Tuscan Coastline offers kilometres of gentle sand for you to enjoy a day of exploring the crystal waters with water sports or simply wallowing in the waves.

WHERE TO STAY: GRAND HOTEL ROYAL

Located on the coast of the Tyrrhenian Sea, Grand Hotel Royal offers four-star luxury on the beach. Soaking up the Tuscan sun is an all-day affair at the hotel, with luxurious loungers on the sand. While the lush gardens invite you to sit back and relax in tranquil springtime bliss.

TAORMINA

Step into one of Sicily’s most beautiful towns, rich in Greek Mythology. Perched on top of Monte Tauro on the foothills of the mammoth Mount Etna, Taormina is an ancient town that allows you to step back in time and discover the well-preserved history. The coastal setting is also the best place for a romantic sunset cruise or water sports adventure.

WHERE TO STAY: HOTEL VILLA BELVEDERE

Situated on the east coast of Sicily in Taormina, Hotel Villa Belvedere welcomes guests in traditional Italian style. The hotel offers gorgeous views from its hilltop location, with a swimming pool for soaking in the Sicilian sun.

CITALIA’S CHOICE: CELEBRATING SPRING IN VERONA

As one of the most popular cities in Italy, Verona is a must-see in its own right. But to truly celebrate spring like an Italian, Vinitaly is the place to be. The annual wine competition invites you to savour some of the best wines in Italy while taking in the gorgeous blossoms.

Costa Brava: Then And Now My Great Escape:

Our reader Sharon Haston takes a nostalgic trip to the Costa Brava with her family

Recently, we went on a trip down memory lane to the Costa Brava, which turned out to have an interesting twist!

In 1978, my family’s first trip abroad was to Malgrat de Mar, and we loved it.

We marvelled at the hotel’s turquoise swimming pool, and I can still smell our coconut suntan oil. Sunshine all the way!

One evening, we went to a nightclub in Lloret de Mar and enjoyed a meal, with the waitress pouring drink directly into our mouths from a porron.

We then watched a cabaret show which included flamenco dancing. I adored the ladies’ frilly

costumes and returned home with a flamenco doll.

This year, we decided to revisit the Costa Brava for the first time in 45 years and stayed at the Rosamar Spa Hotel in Lloret de Mar.

We explored Lloret’s castles and beaches and took a day trip to the charming Tossa de Mar.

Some evenings, we watched the hotel entertainment, which was in a room with a small stage. We saw a duo singing Zumba songs, a flamenco, and an Argentinian Gaucho show. I mused it was like going back to the 1970s as these days most entertainment is outdoors by the pool.

We’d decided that a must do was to

revisit Malgrat de Mar. We’d researched online and knew that the hotel we stayed in all those years ago, the Rosa Nautica, was still there.

When we told the receptionists we were revisiting our first trip abroad in their hotel, they were delighted and said it was still owned by the same family.

We had a cool drink by the Rosa Nautica’s pool, with Mum, Dad and me telling my husband, Robert, our memories of staying there all those years ago.

Dad remembered looking up from the beach and seeing me on the hotel balcony, covered in a towel as I didn’t want freckles.

We had a fabulous holiday in Lloret and when we got home I dug out our original photos from 1978 to compare.

What an amazing surprise! One photo revealed that the nightclub we’d gone to all those years ago was called “Nightclub Rosamar” and was actually the hotel we’d stayed in this year! The drawing on the photo’s gatefold sleeve was, without doubt, the outside of our hotel, which has been extended over the years.

In fact, our hotel Rosamar Spa’s entertainment room was the very same one in which we’d watched the cabaret show in 1978. If we’d been able to travel back in time, we could have met ourselves!

Sharon takes a trip to the past on a reprised family holiday

We couldn’t believe it. Out of all the hotels in Lloret, what were the chances we’d pick the one we’d been in for such a memorable night 45 years before?

It also turns out a friend from work had been to Hotel Rosa Nautica in Malgrat for her first holiday abroad in1978.

We might have been there at the same time!

And one final coincidence. The book I took with me to read this year was Freckles by Cecilia Ahern. n

Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it, we’ll pay £50. Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

HIDDEN

GEMS

Geothermal Beach

Nauthólsvík, Iceland

Behind Reykjavik UniveRsity CampUs, just a short walk down a lupine-lined footpath, an unexpected sight emerges before the steel-grey sea—a golden beach.

Unlike the famed black coasts of this volcanic island, Iceland’s Nauthólsvík Geothermal Beach is a man-made landmark, originally constructed from thousands of tonnes of imported sand. While visitors flock to the Blue Lagoon, or paddle apprehensively in Reynisfjara’s frigid waters, locals come here to get their fix of the increasingly popular sea swim.

Geothermal energy is Iceland’s greatest asset, used to heat homes, produce electricity and melt snow on the roads. Here in Reykjavík, geothermally-heated water powers the city’s heating system, before the excess is expelled into the bay. You couldn’t call the sea here warm, but it is artificially heated enough to tempt Icelanders to submerge themselves—either within the safety of a walled cove, or out in the open water.

Once successfully dunked, bathers recuperate inside the “hot pot”—an angular concrete hot tub where the water sits at 38°C and a tell-tale eggy odour hovers on the brisk air. Soaking in a body of water, here, is a social affair. The tub is alive with chatter, some gazing out to the bay beyond and others hopping in and out to sample the steam room or grab a coffee from the changing facilities.

Nauthólsvík was once key for the Allied Forces, who stored seaplanes in the cove during the Second World War. Evidence of the British military occupation remains in the abandoned barracks behind the beach, which in 2018 were converted into a student bar called Bragginn—another example of an Icelandic culture that wastes nothing in its pursuit of health and pleasure. n

By Becca Inglis

Supermarket Hacks

With just a few changes, you can bring down the cost of your weekly shop

Every time I go to the supermarket, it’s as if I’m in a fever dream. Surely butter isn’t that expensive? It’s how much for a block of cheddar? Sadly, the harsh reality is food prices are high and they’re not going to fall.

And even when things don’t appear to have increased in price, it could be we’re being hoodwinked by shrinkflation and its cousin

scrimpflation. The former is when packaging gets smaller but not by enough for us to immediately realise we’re getting less for our money. The latter is when products are changed to make the production cost less but charge us the same. Perhaps there’s less meat in a pie, or premium ingredients are swapped for a cheaper alternative. But we don’t have to just accept this bashing of our budgets. A few

changes to how we shop at the supermarket could help us bring down the bill at the checkout to something a little more manageable.

First up, plan your trip. At its most simple, it’s writing a list of what you actually need (and sticking to it) so you don’t get tempted by offers that are not relevant to you.

Ideally you’ll work this all out before you leave home, but if you’re pushed for time, take a snap of the inside of your fridge and main cupboards with your phone. A quick glance at this photo when walking the aisles will let you know if you’ve already got milk. Cutting out food waste will also be a big money saver.

You can reduce what you throw away further by working out exactly what your meals will be over the coming week (and putting all the ingredients on the list). Perhaps even include recipes you can batch cook so they’ll cover dinner one night and lunch the next, or be added to the freezer ready to defrost at a later date.

Armed with your list, don’t just head to your usual supermarket. A quick look at a comparison site such as Trolley.co.uk, will help you assess whether switching to a different shop could save you money. But don’t go out of your way to save just a few pennies—remember your time (and petrol) aren’t free.

You can try own-label products too, often cheaper than the big name brand equivalents. Though

you might have some favourites you really want to stick with, it might be that you don’t actually notice any difference. And if you do, you can always switch back next time. Similarly, you can drop down levels to basic ranges within most supermarkets, which will generally be cheaper again.

When you’re checking the shelves, it can pay to look up and down, as cheaper alternatives might be out of your natural eye-line. Be careful, too, of anything at the end of an aisle—there might be better alternatives elsewhere.

In fact, some items might even be cheaper depending on which aisle you add them to your trolley. The big ones are items you find in the world food sections, such as spices or coconut milk, and on the baby product shelves, such as cotton buds. It’s easier to spot these if you’re shopping online, but you’ll need to try to hunt them down yourself in-store.

You can also cut costs and decipher deals by checking the price per unit. You’ll find this on the shelf label, below the price, and it’ll say how much something costs per

Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash

gram, litre and so on. Though these can sometimes be a little misleading (grams on one item, kilograms on another), it’ll still help you work out when faced with different sizes which pack is cheaper. Of course, don’t buy one that’s so big that you’ll end up wasting some of it, even if it does cost less.

Make room in your freezer, not just for those leftovers, but to allow you to take advantage of anything reduced to clear. Be sure to check the item can be frozen (some meat or fish may have been pre-frozen and defrosted), and of course only buy something you will actually use. But this can be a great way to buy premium products at a lower price. Most of the big supermarkets have been adding in member prices, activated when you swipe their loyalty card at the till. Without these you’ll be paying over the odds, so make sure you’re signed up. However, don’t buy something just because it’s on offer. If it’s not on the list, you don’t need it.

There are other discounts linked to these loyalty schemes, though you might need to delve into the app to find them. It could be coupons you need to activate and then scan at the till, or bonus points linked to

specific products. Be sure to check what’s available on there while you plan your list.

Although you can still get coupons in magazines, you’re more likely to come across them via cashback apps. However you take advantage, watch out that you’re not just buying the item simply because of the money off. Finally, change how you pay. A good start is to get a decent cashback credit or debit card—but don’t assume the supermarket’s own card is the best bet. Though the Asda (1% back) and John Lewis (1.25% back at Waitrose) ones are decent to use in their own stores, the others can easily be beaten. In fact, a different brand might be better for all your spending, not just on groceries. Look at the Chase debit card or American Express Nectar card to earn a solid 1% back on all your spending.

Perhaps it is better to buy gift cards from the likes of TopGiftcards or HyperJar and earn cashback on that purchase. If you’re able to get 3% back on a £100 supermarket card, it’s only £3 back. But if you do this every couple of weeks, it will all add up over 12 months. You might also be able to buy these at a low price from any work perk scheme offered by your employer. n

Puppy Love

The British public share a special bond with their pets. Here’s how to tell if your dog or cat loves you

While you may get flowers or a card from the one you love on Valentine’s Day, it can be hard to know how our four-legged friends feel about us. Our cats and dogs can’t tell us how they feel, so what are the other signs that you share a special bond?

Signs your dog loves you

Soft eye contact

When your pet chooses to look at you with soft, relaxed eyes, they trust you and are happy in your company, accepting you as non-threatening. And, it could be argued, that trust is the highest form of love.

Tail wagging

A wagging tail can display a whole range of emotions from your dog, but you’ll know it’s a sign of love when they treat you to a full body wiggle. Their tail will spin around in circular motions like helicopter propellers. This type of tail wagging is usually reserved for people that are special to them, and is mostly used when dogs see their owners—need we say more?

Cuddles (on your pet’s terms)

Your dog can choose to curl up wherever they like, so when they cuddle into you they are actively choosing you.

This can vary from full body cuddles to them leaning into you to ask for some love.

However, any cuddles must always be on your pet’s terms. Some dogs will find having someone’s arms around them stressful and restrictive.

Happy greeting

It’s great to be welcomed home by our pet and your dog isn’t doing this for the sake of it; it’s a sign that they are genuinely happy to see you.

This is also the case if your dog greets you when they are already wrapped up in another activity, like playing or eating. We all know how much they like their treats, so you know you’re well-loved if they Your dog may lick you for a variety of reasons, but one of them is affection. They are ultimately seeking attention from you because they want to

Signs your cat loves you

Headbutting

Cats usually only bump heads to reinforce their bond. They have scent glands in their cheeks and head so they can create a group scent when they rub against each other.

When they headbutt you, they are essentially seeing you as one of their family and are trying to mingle their smell with yours. In cat language, that’s love.

Kneading

If your cat kneads you, they could be connecting the secure relationship they had with their mother to the one they have with you.

Licking or grooming you

Cats will lick other cats in their social group, partly to create a bond, but also because it creates a group odour. The group smell helps both domesticated and feral cats to tell who is in their social group.

Your cat is probably licking you because they know they’re a part of your family.

Sleeping with you

Cats make themselves vulnerable when they sleep, so if they choose to sleep near you this is a sign of trust. You are their chosen quiet and safe spot.

For more expert pet advice from Blue Cross, visit bluecross.org.uk

Age: 12 years

Breed: Labradoodle

Owner: Leona Heckman

Fun Fact: Lulu would spend most of her day in the river, but she hates getting wet in the bath! It does not make sense to me, but she’s a real cutie.

Email your pet’s picture to petphotos@readersdigest.co.uk

How To Adopt The Country House Aesthetic In Your Home

An expert on the charming country house look gives tips

Anew style of country hotel, THE PIGs aren’t just famous for their glorious stays— the hotels don charming interiors too. Exuding a classic country aesthetic, the look was spearheaded by Judy Hutson, and she has been behind every design detail since the first PIG opened in 2011. The mastermind behind all the spaces, from the bedrooms to the bars and cosy lounge areas, Judy shares her tips for adopting this timeless, forever-elegant look.

Mix and don’t match

The aim of the country house aesthetic is for rooms to feel a bit lived-in too glossy or matchymatchy. Achieving this look takes lots of visits to car boot sales; I might look

through 100 flowery plates to find the five I want. I’m a bit like Burglar Bill, “I’ll ‘ave that!”. It’s always worth walking around car boots or markets twice as I almost always find things the second time around.

Be imaginative

You can pick up design ideas from anywhere and, with a bit of imagination, there are always new ways to recycle and repurpose things. Try using small terracotta flowerpots as chip bowls and old milk churns as umbrella stands. One of our carpenters was getting rid of an old workbench and we asked if we could buy it from him—it’s now the bar at THE PIG near Bath!

Go for tactile interiors

Use a lot of textures, like soft velvets, linens and woollen rugs. When styling a new room, I like to start with curtain fabrics because it’s much easier to find a paint colour to match a fabric than the other way around. I’m influenced by the architecture of a building and what you can see when you look out of the windows. I want the fabrics and furniture and paintings to connect with that.

Judy Hutson

Plan your lighting

Lighting is a tricky area to get right, but it’s essential for setting the right mood. Add both floor and table lamps with characterful lampshades—I love the ones that are made using reclaimed fabrics, like our pleated designs, which are made from vintage sari material.

Bring the outside in

I like to create dining rooms that feel more like conservatories. This is an easy trick you can pull off with decorative tiled floors, nicely worn, unvarnished wooden tables, lots of terracotta and masses of potted herbs. In the summer, you can reverse the whole “outside in” idea and turn your outside space into living and dining rooms with long rustic wooden tables and parasols.

Create a theme

Another trick is to create mini collections of similarly themed things on a shelf, wall or a mantlepiece. It could be anything from kitchen garden inspiration to a little grouping of old tools. What we find works well is to decide on a theme for a blank wall and build around it—like 1950s flower paintings, old oil “ancestor” paintings or prints with a seafaring theme. If you find something you

like but it’s in a dodgy frame, buy it anyway and get it reframed.

Think about fireplaces

Fireplaces play an important role in creating the overall character of a room. Do you want it to make a real statement? If so, go as grand as you can and keep everything else in the room relatively plain and simple. If something more modest suits the room, go for plain wood and repaint it in a colour that works with the rest of the colour scheme. You could even paint the fireplace the same colour as the walls or add some dado-height panelling and paint the fire and surround the same colour.

Let there be white

When in doubt, you can paint the walls white and put your money into one really stand-out piece—like an over-the-top lampshade or a beautifully framed mirror leaning against a wall. I always want our interiors to feel lovely and comforting but never too intrusive. It’s a bit like theatre, really. n

As told to Felicity Carter

Chocolate Unveiled

Paola Westbeek looks at chocolate's rich history and how to use it to create romantic dishes and treats

Paola Westbeek is a food, wine and travel journalist who has tasted her way through Europe, interviewing chefs, visiting vineyards and reviewing restaurants. Her work has appeared in FRANCE Magazine and other publications

While dining at a hip ‘n’ happening plant-based restaurant in Norway a few years ago, I was deliciously captivated by the gastronomic prowess of the young, bright chef who had managed to make the place a huge success in the few short months since its opening. Every dish delighted the senses with an unsurpassable level of creativity, and, as each course progressed, I became ever more smitten. Especially when this culinary wunderkind placed before me a dish consisting of a small wedge of blue cheese crowning a delicate chocolate biscuit. I then watched in awe and admiration as he deftly drizzled it with dark, molten chocolate. To this day I can still recall how the bitter chocolate complemented the smoky pepperiness of the cheese. It dawned on me that chocolate is one of the most versatile—not to mention intriguing—foods. One which we often take for granted, not realising that up until the

second half of the 19th century, we were pretty much deprived of its many pleasures.

Though chocolate was introduced to Europe via Spain in the early 16th century, it was a commodity only few could afford. Much like with coffee and tea, sipping chocolate was a privilege reserved for the well-heeled, who served the drink in fine china and made it more palatable with exotic ingredients such as cinnamon, vanilla, chilli

and it helps to digest ill humours” (The Indian Nectar, or, A Discourse Concerning Chocolata, 1662).

In 1828, Dutchman Casparus van Houten invented the cocoa pressing method, a development that not only made chocolate tastier but also easier to mass produce. Using a hydraulic press, he separated the fat from the cocoa solids, which were then turned into a powder that was treated with alkaline salts, neutralising the acids and

CHOCOLATE CAN BE USED IN MYRIAD SAVOURY DISHES AND IS SIMPLY INDISPENSABLE

pepper, aniseed and other costly spices. But chocolate beverages weren’t only chic. They were also believed to promote good health and lift the spirits. In the 17th century, doctors often prescribed chocolate to their patients, firmly believing in the drink’s restorative properties. Henry Stubbe, physician to King Charles II, called hot chocolate “one of the most wholesome drinks”. It treated everything from stomach aches to coughs and, he wrote, “conduceth much to the lengthening of life; the reason is, because it yields good nourishment to the body,

softening the flavour. This process became known as “Dutching” and resulted in an easily soluble powder that could be used to make a better digestible, less heavy chocolate drink. Additionally, the cocoa butter was used to make candy bars and other confections. The chocolate revolution had started in earnest and continued in the hands of chocolate barons like Richard Cadbury (who travelled to the Netherlands to buy a cocoa press from Van Houten), Henri Nestlé and Milton Hershey.

More than just an ingredient in desserts, a hot drink or confectionary, chocolate can be

used in myriad savoury dishes. In fact, in my kitchen, a bar of highquality dark chocolate (at least 82 per cent) and a tub of cocoa powder are just as indispensable as garlic, sea salt and good olive oil. I add squares of chocolate to my hearty bean chillis, letting them slowly melt as they infuse the dish with incredible richness and balance the bold flavours with silky sweetness. In tomato-based stews and sauces, chocolate tempers the acidity and even acts as a thickener. Homemade barbecue sauce without the delicious complexity of chocolate? Simply unthinkable. When roasting root vegetables, I often make a marinade of thick balsamic syrup, cocoa powder and thyme, loosening it with a shot of red

wine or port. Trust me, after trying this, glazed carrots or parsnips will pale in comparison.

Robust Mediterranean herbs such as rosemary and lavender tend to go very well with chocolate. This Valentine’s Day, if you’re really in the mood to spoil that special someone (or yourself), try infusing your chocolate mousse with a sprig of rosemary and then finishing it off with a few flakes of fleur de sel. Or, add a teaspoon or two of dried (edible) lavender to your favourite chocolate cookie recipe. A glass of Banyuls (a warm and unctuous fortified wine from the south of France) will make either of these tasty treats—or anything with chocolate, for that matter—all the more delightful. n

Year Of The Dragon

Chinese New Year falls on February 10, 2024 and will usher in the Year of the Dragon in the Chinese zodiac signs—specifically the Year of the Wood Dragon

Recent years of the Dragon have included 2012, 2000 and 1988. The next Dragon year will be in 2036 (Year of the Fire Dragon)

In London, February 11 will see the biggest Chinese New Year celebrations outside Asia, with a colourful parade, free performances and tasty Chinese food

SOURCE: CHINESENEWYEAR.NET AND VISITLONDON.COM

STATE OF THE ART: Gayle Chong Kwan

Gayle Chong Kwan is an award-winning multidisciplinary artist whose exhibition A Pocket Full of Sand is on at the John Hansard Gallery from February 10 to May 11, 2024

When did you first become excited about art? I became excited about art when I was at school. I thought what artists did was the most exciting thing ever; they had the power to change the way we look at and experience the world. On a school trip to Russia, I remember visiting the Hermitage Museum in St Petersburg and feeling like I was levitating with sheer joy at seeing Matisse’s painting Dance.

As a multidisciplinary artist, can you talk us through your artistic process? I make large-scale photographic works, installations, performances, ritual activities and sensory events in galleries, museums and in the public realm. I’ve made landscapes out of rotting food and transformed a concrete underpass into a cave using 20,000 discarded milk bottles. I have worked with significant historical collections and archives. My

work is an individual methodology of fine art practice, but it is also one that manifests through social practices that engender change in the way that organisations and institutions can work with audiences and artists.

Who are your artistic inspirations and why? Most recently, I have been inspired by Lygia Clark’s Caminhando , a piece that connects with my own work in terms of proposition, immanence and “rite without myth” and how these can facilitate the active sensory, spiritual and psychological

rather it is concerned with the activity itself. It is a form of interiority of movement rather than an activity carried out for external appreciation or spectacle.

A lot of your work has an interactive element, engaging viewers to become part of the artwork. Why is audience immersion important for your work? I think artists are activists when we invite people to imagine with us. In my work I create stopping points or moments so that the viewers can bring themselves and decide how they move between these different elements. They can create their own relationships with the work

Screenshots of moving image works from Gayle Chong Kwan’s upcoming exhibition

by bringing into it their own interiority or histories.

Can you tell us a bit about your upcoming work with the John Hansard Gallery? In my exhibition, A Pocket Full of Sand , I explore colonial histories, geology and ecological deep time, and unearth both historic and contemporary connections between Mauritius and the Isle of Wight. Inspired by my family heritage, I undertook research into Mauritius, where historically people had arrived from India, China, Africa and Madagascar for servitude and as economic migrants. Connections to the Isle of Wight came about through both the geological similarities and also through historical research into the East India Company. I connect my research of the islands with political and physical structures of power, labour, leisure, childhood and play. n

As told to Alice Gawthrop

H H H H H

THE TASTE OF THINGS

France’s submission For the Best International Film category of this year’s Oscars is a sumptuous culinary masterpiece from director Tran Anh Hùng, which sizzles with passion for the art of gastronomy. Set against the backdrop of the 19th century, the film unfolds the love story between cook Eugenie (Juliette Binoche) and her boss, the renowned gourmet Dodin (Binoche’s former partner, Benoît Magimel)—a tale that’s carefully told through dishes that could seduce even the most discerning of palates.

From the very start, The Taste of Things immerses the audience in the sensory delights of food preparation. The characters’ meticulous chopping, braising, peeling and searing become a mesmerising, hypnotic dance that allows for the anticipation of a more significant

conversation, which only begins around the 20-minute mark.

The culinary narrative takes centre stage, with Eugenie bringing Dodin’s wildest, most intricate dish fantasies to life—a relationship that develops over two decades and evolves into a playful, magnetic romance.

As you’d expect, the film brims with jaw-dropping beauty shots of various dishes, but it’s cinematographer Jonathan Ricquebourg’s inspired play with light that really steals the spotlight here; from sultry golds of the afternoon to mossy twilight hues, he paints the film like a canvas.

Reminiscent of culinary classics such as Tampopo and Babette’s Feast, The Taste of Things is the ultimate guide to seduction through food.

By Eva Mackevic

H H

THE END WE START FROM H H

mahalia belo’s Feature debut, The End We Start From, is a quiet survival drama that imagines the UK in the grip of extreme flooding. The opening scene won’t look unfamiliar at first to anyone who has spent time in England—heavy rain. The situation’s urgent nature becomes apparent when water bursts into a pregnant Jodie Comer’s London home. As her house is flooded, she goes into labour in an overwhelmed hospital that is running out of electricity. Shortly after the delivery, she and her partner R (Joel Fry, Plebs) are rushed out of the hospital by harried staff. As London drowns, the couple evacuate the city.

Their new landscape is one of submerged cities, crowded shelters where tensions run high, and island communes where the residents choose to lead a life of ignorant bliss. It is an understated survival film: there are no big CGI waves or stuntriddled action scenes; just a woman grappling with motherhood and trying to hold her family together. Realism trumps spectacle, and the verisimilitude is heightened by the fact that while this may be a speculative vision of the UK’s future, such scenes are already playing out every day. It’s hard to watch The End We Start From without thinking of Pakistan’s devastating floods, or the mothers giving birth in hospitals without electricity in Gaza.

Though often bleak, the film is not entirely without hope, thanks in part to the cutest baby who plays Comer’s newborn. Strong performances elevate the story—Fry is excellent as a husband and father reckoning with the fact that he can’t protect his loved ones, and there are some great supporting turns from Katherine Waterston (Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them) and Benedict Cumberbatch (The Imitation Game). Comer herself is quietly powerful as a mother finding her place both in new motherhood and a world that is unrecognisable yet perhaps, unfortunately, inevitable.

Alice Gawthrop

Dance into the New Year. Disco: Soundtrack of a Revolution (iPlayer), the BBC’s three-part overview of a scene that came and went almost overnight in the late 1970s, strikes several neat balances: it takes the phenomenon of disco more seriously than many did at the time, without losing sight of the fact that many of these songs were fun, joyous sources of both escape and—in certain cases— liberation. The soundtrack is all killer, no filler: “Rock Your Baby” and “Rock the Boat”, “Stayin’ Alive” and “I Will Survive”. And by pirouetting nimbly between the recollections of key acts and keen aficionados, the series begins to reposition disco as its own, short-lived civil rights movement: a million-man march, albeit one conducted on the spot, often shirtless and always beneath a gleaming mirrorball.

Returning us to a less harmonious present, Fargo’s in-progress fifth

season (Prime Video) unfolds as 2019 gives way to 2020. Initially, this season seemed a return to Fargo first principals: kidnapped wife (Ted Lasso’s Juno Temple), scheming husband (Mad Men’s Jon Hamm as a libertarian sheriff from Trump country), eccentric hired gun making a botch of the job. Several episodes in, however, a flashback involving the practice of so-called “sin eating” in medieval Wales threw everybody’s assumptions for a loop. Exactly what writer-showrunner Noah Hawley is getting at will only be revealed in the weeks ahead: history’s sorrowful tendency to repeat itself, maybe (draw your own conclusions as to how this connects with 2024)? Either way, it’s the kind of superbly executed surprise this underrated show has delivered for a decade now—expect more to come.

By Mike McCahill

Retro Pick:

Arena (iPlayer)

A great start to the year for documentary buffs: the BBC has made five decades of top-notch arts programming—profiles of everyone from Billy Wilder to the Rolling Stones—available on the iPlayer.

Paloma Faith The Glorification of Sadness

one moment you’re settled, managing the humdrum (if near-constant) minutae of family life; the next your tribe has shattered, and you’re left to reckon with the leftover pieces. These are the searing highs and lows of heartbreak that Paloma Faith surveys in The Glorification of Sadness, following her separation from her partner of ten years.

Breakups are a well-trodden terrain in songwriting, but one fresh trend now emerging is the divorce album—made possible by the lengthening careers of women in pop. For soloists like Faith, Adele and Kelly Clarkson, all the high drama is there, but also the domesticity. Children’s voices form a fitting backdrop in Faith’s “Divorce”, signalling the single motherhood she must rally for even as her marriage is breaking down. In “The Big Bang Failure (Interlude)”, she acknowledges the “slow dripping tap of neglect”—less glamorous than young love’s sudden severing, but more true.

At times there is too much bombast, with Faith’s most bankable asset—that treacle-rich, colossal belter of a voice—masked behind autotone, a squeaky clean drum machine or superfluous guitar wails. Where she shines best is where her voice has room to breathe. “Enjoy Yourself” is a soaring plea to seek joy, which pairs shuffling hip hop rhythms with Faith’s expansive vocals. “Already Broken” is a moving pop ballad for the mature sweetheart, acknowledging the baggage that now colours new love’s rush. One particularly standout phrase sums up the record: “I’m falling in slow motion, damaged but I’m hoping.”

By Becca Inglis

Lee Scratch Perry King

Perry

Dub father Lee “Scratch” Perry leaves one last parting gift in his final posthumous record, made in the months before his death. Alternately ghostly, punchy and mesmeric, it examines the many tendrils that have sprung from dub since Perry’s 1970s experiments— drawing from drum & bass’s low-end bass science in “No Illusion”, for instance, or ska’s boisterous brass in “100lbs of Summer”. Featuring contributions from Greentea Peng, Shaun Ryder and Tricky, the record makes an appropriate compendium of the beneficiaries of Perry’s dub legacy, yet still allows the king to have the last word. “Goodbye,” he bids us simply on the closing track, in what would be his last vocal performance.

February Fiction

The new novel of a Pulitzer-winning author and an exploration of the Seven Ancient Wonders are Miriam Sallon’s top literary picks this month

Day

by Michael Cunningham is published by 4th Estate

While Covid-19 will no doubt inspire a whole slew of literature and art in the coming years, we’ve only seen the first few attempts. Most likely because it’s still very fresh, and the consequences— biological, economical and cultural—have

yet to be entirely clarified. But it’s also a very tricky subject to cover because, for the majority of us, there was a marked lack of activity. How do you write about mass stasis with interest?

Day shows a snapshot of a family on the same day over three years: the year before, the year of

and the year after the first Covid lockdown. Dividing a book into three has become somewhat of a Cunningham trademark. His Pulitzerprize-winning and major-film-adapted The Hours told the stories of three women affected by Woolf’s Mrs Dalloway, and, my personal favourite, Specimen Days trod the same streets of New York across three different time periods. It might seem like a gimmick, but it’s an ingenious way of layering meaning and interpretation across the same ground. And in this case, it’s a brilliant loophole to the repetitions of daily lockdown life.

COVID-19 WILL NO DOUBT INSPIRE A WHOLE SLEW OF LITERATURE AND ART IN THE COMING YEARS

In April 2019, Isabel and Danny live in a Brooklyn brownstone with their two young children, and Isabel’s

brother Robbie taking up the top floor. Entirely unaware of the strange global devastation ahead, each is concerned only with their own relationships and hardships. While to some extent, Covid will render these worries moot, for the most part, life simply carries on: relationships continue to be complicated, and most of us are still torn between our own selfish desires and the desires of people we love. Covid is simply a gossamer of melancholy that now gently sits atop it all. This is a quiet story to say the least, but it lingers, as with all of Cunningham’s work, and his ability to make exquisite the most banal detail pairs perfectly with a whole world confined to their living rooms. n

NAME THE CHARACTER

Can you guess the fictional character from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?

1. This character is the female protagonist in a famous Shakespearean play known for its tragic love story.

2. She utters the words, “O, swear not by the moon, th’ inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb”.

3. She consumes a potion that induces a death-like slumber.

Answer on p138

RECOMMENDED READ:

A World Of Wonders

From the pyramids of Giza to the Colossus of Rhodes, Bettany Hughes explores some of the world’s most thrilling landscapes

In a landscape values expediency and quick-fire progress over all else, it’s a treat to delve into the BCE years and discover the astonishing accomplishments of

leaders and kings long, long dead, some of which still baffle the modern mind. Hughes takes us through each of the Seven Ancient Wonders, not only marvelling at the

construction and grandeur but, perhaps more interestingly, the experiences of those who imagined, built and enjoyed them.

This is not a book to be quickly devoured, but enjoyed in delicious morsels, regularly glancing from the page to inform whomever is in close proximity of the curiosities expounded: “Did you know the Temple of Artemis was destroyed and rebuilt three times, each more impressive than the last?” or, “Did you know that when the Pyramid of Giza was built, it was a waterside feature, and the Egyptian landscape was verdant?”

Thoroughly researched and cited, Hughes also appears to have visited many of the locations, even those we can’t be sure of, and this first-hand accounting adds a much-needed element of engagement to the otherwise fact- and date-heavy narrative. Recounting the stench of bat dung while crawling through pyramid passageways, doing her own on-foot detective work at Rhodes to discover the location of the Colossus, you can imagine her, not in a dusty library (as lovely as that also sounds) but donning an Indiana Jonesstyle hat and adventuring for numerous legendary treasures. n

TheSeven Wondersofthe AncientWorld by Bettany Hughes is

published by Weidenfeld & Nicolson

EXCERPT

“

In 1303 a monstrous earthquake ripped through the Eastern Mediterranean. The trauma shook glittering casing stones loose from the Great Pyramid at Giza in Egypt—the most ancient of our Seven Wonders—and brought the remains of the youngest, the towering Pharos Lighthouse of Alexandria, crashing to the ground. The Great Pyramid embodied enormous effort for the sake of one, virtually omnipotent man. Alexandria’s Pharos Lighthouse had been a public beacon to keep travellers from four continents safe, and to announce a repository of all the knowledge that was possible for humankind to know. But across that complex arc of experience, spanning nearly 4,000 years, from the vision of a single, almighty human to a network of human minds, no human-made Wonder could prove a match for the might of Mother Earth.

The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World were staggeringly audacious

impositions on our planet. Incarnations of the beautiful, mournful, axiomatic truth of our species that we are compelled to make the world in our image and to modify it to our will. They were also brilliant adventures of the mind, test cases of the reaches of human imagination. This book walks through the landscapes of both ancient and modern time; a journey whose purpose is to ask why we wonder, why we create, why we choose to remember the wonder of others. I have travelled as the ancients did across continents to explore traces of the Wonders themselves, and the traces they have left in history. My aim has been to discover what the Seven Wonders of the ancient world meant to “them”—to our relatives across time— and what they do and can mean to us.

The word wonder is pliable: wonder is both a phenomenon and a process. Wonders are potent because wondering helps us to realise that the world is bigger than ourselves. The wonderful generates interest, and frequently

Answer to

NAME THE CHARACTER:

The character is of course Juliet from Shakespeare’s tragic play about starcrossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet. The words “O, swear not by the moon, th’ inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb” are spoken by Juliet in the balcony scene, expressing her love for Romeo.

empathy, and that interest and empathy nourishes connection.

We process and internalise these connections. Intellectually and emotionally, via the physical process of thought, we realise we are, truly, one world. So we seek wonders—natural, man-made, philosophical, scientific, whether they are near or far—as a socialising act.

How then do we collectively decide what is wonderful?

One time-honoured way is to create Wonder lists. There have been many wonders at many times. There are wonders of the ancient, the modern, the engineered and the natural worlds. At the last count, 70 monuments have been officially claimed as catalogued wonders of history. There is now a vogue for the nationalism of wonders—the Seven Wonders of Everywhere, from Azerbaijan to Zimbabwe, from Canada to Colombia. Spiritual too, the Seven Wonders of the Buddhist, Islamic, Hindu and Christian faiths have all been eagerly gathered together.

But there was one international wonder selection which seems to have formed a blueprint for all others. The discovery, and indeed survival, of this fragmentary alpha-to-omega inventory is close to miraculous. Compiled in the second century BC, the earliest extant recording of a Seven Wonders of the World compendium was found on a scrap of papyrus used to wrap an ancient Egyptian mummified body.

Books

THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Better Broken Than New: A Fragmented Memoir by Lisa St Aubin de Terán is an autobiography that reveals much about the award-winning novelist and is out now (Amaurea Press, hardback, £19.95)

A Woman Named Solitude by André Schwarz-Bart

This is set in the idyllic 17th-century Senegal, showing the brutal world of Caribbean slavery. A little girl is captured, raped and sold, and her daughter is a lonely misfit until she joins, then leads, the slave rebellion that threatened to end slavery on every Caribbean island. From the moment I first read it (from a second-hand shop in Bristol), she has inspired me. I’ve re-read her story dozens of times and she lured me to find my own African roots via Mozambique and Benin.

Life of

Modigliani

When I was 12, I filched a booklet from the school library and always kept it with me like a sort of talisman. It was a very short, illustrated book called Life of Modigliani and my introduction to love and passion—for Modigliani’s painting and for Modigliani, the painter, and his life. From the cover, Portrait of Jeanne Hebuterne, to the photo of the stunningly handsome artist, to his deep love of Italy and his belief that “it is our duty to follow our dream”, I became his disciple. For 50 years it suffered many indignities inside a string of handbags before finally being consumed by termites in Mozambique. However, after many marriages and affairs, Amedeo Modigliani has always been my one true love.

A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn

This book was urged on me by Matt Damon when he was filming The Talented Mr Ripley and the director invited me down for a couple of days to meet the actors. I was told “it should be on the set reading list of every school in America” and that it was a “must read.” So I read it and was so moved and upset by the harrowing, seemingly endless stream of injustices that I fastforwarded my resolution to give back some of my good fortune to as many African villagers as I could. By 2003, I was living in a mud hut village in Mozambique, following my dream and running Terán Foundation, a charity that helps rural Mozambican communities to help themselves.

An Artist WITH AI

James O'Malley examines the benefits of and controversies around AI art

SometimeS if i want to horrify myself, I think back to the thousands of hours of my life that I’ve spent playing video games and aimlessly flipping through TV channels. Because imagine if I’d spent that time instead learning to draw or paint? Perhaps by now I could be a great artist?

However, recently I’ve not felt so bad about it, as perhaps there was no need for me to learn anyway. Over the last year we’ve seen an incredible proliferation in artistic tools powered by artificial intelligence—to the point where computers can now generate photo-realistic images and masterful paintings that are virtually indistinguishable from the works of the greatest human photographers and artists.

For example, recently I’ve been playing around with an AI image generation tool called “DALL-E"—a pun combining the Spanish surrealist with the Pixar robot, which is made by the same company that is behind ChatGPT.

The way it works is not by using the mouse as a virtual brush or touching the screen and drawing with fingers—instead you simply have to type in a text prompt. “Draw a guinea pig soldier on parade,” you can ask it—and within seconds you’ll have a more than passable image, no talent required.

What I find genuinely jawdropping, even as someone who follows tech closely, is just how

quickly the tools are evolving. When the first AI art apps were released about a year ago, generated images were often fuzzy, or not right in obvious ways: humans would have the wrong number of fingers, missing limbs, or even additional arms poking out where they shouldn’t.

NOT ONLY ARE IMAGES

NEARLY PERFECT A LOT OF THE TIME, BUT THERE ARE MORE WAYS THAN EVER TO GENERATE AI IMAGES

But in just a few months, the quality of what is being generated has got so much better. Fast forward to today and not only are images nearly perfect a lot of the time, but there are more ways than ever to generate AI images.

For example, Adobe, which for decades has made the Photoshop photo-editing app, recently added an AI feature where you can highlight a part of a photo and swap it out for something artificial. Wish it was less cloudy when you took the photo? Or even want to remove your ex from that family picture? Now there’s no need to spend hours carefully editing your photo—you can do it in seconds.

The AI boom has also led to the creation of smaller start-ups that specialise in doing one extremely clever thing with images. For example, a company called Krea has a tool where you sketch out an image with your mouse and it will turn your scribbles into a photo-realistic drawing. Your crude house on top of a hill, which looks like something a six-year-old might draw, will be instantly transformed into a photorealistic rendering of a rural cottage on a Highland mountain-top.

Then there’s an app called Runway, which will take a still image—either a real photo or something you’ve made with AI elsewhere—and turn it into a short video. There are many more I could mention too.

However, the rise of the technology has of course been hugely controversial. Because to make these tools as powerful as they are, the AI needs to be "trained" on millions of other images—images that were created by real artists using their real talents. So some artists view AI as a form of plagiarism.

Then there’s the grim downstream consequence of image generation

James is a technology writer and journalist. A former editor of tech website Gizmodo UK, James can be found mostly on Twitter posting jokes of variable quality @Psythor

being as easy as it is: social media is already being flooded with fakery.

I’ve experienced this myself. With DALL-E, I did an experiment and asked it to generate a photo of some soldiers in the Middle East, and it happily complied. Then I asked it to generate an image of some dead bodies covered in blood, and mercifully it refused to do it.

But, unfortunately, I figured out it was very easy to get around—as I just asked it to generate some mannequins lying on the ground and to cover them in jam. And the results, which I’m not going to publish, are realistic enough that you can easily imagine them being misused by people with bad intentions.

So it really is important to no longer believe your eyes when you see a photo that is too good to be true.

However, for all of the potential harms, the fact is that AI artwork exists now, and no one is going to un-invent it. The tools to make images are already widely spread, so the genie is out of the bottle.

And though we should care about the negative consequences, we should also look forward to the positives. For example, my art skills have just received an unexpected bump. And it really makes me wonder if the greatest artists of the future won’t be people who are handy with a brush, but those who have mastered the art of writing the perfect prompt. n

Ask The Tech Expert

James O'Malley

Q: How can I look professional in video calls?

A: If you want to make a good first impression in that important business meeting, it is no longer about wearing the sharpest suit or the firmest handshake. In the modern world, it’s about making sure that the little Zoom window with your face in it projects professionalism. So what can you do to make sure your video calls project the right image? Here are some tips.

Don’t hold your phone

Let’s start really basic: if you absolutely must join the meeting on your phone and not your computer, then don’t hold it in your hand— prop it up against some books, or better still obtain a tripod or phone stand to hold it. Your colleagues won’t see your picture swinging about wildly, distracting everyone, and the camera won’t suddenly look up your nose when you naturally pull your phone closer to your face.

Lighting makes the difference

How the light falls on our faces can make a big difference. So make sure

that you don’t have a big, direct source of light behind you, like a window, because all it will do is make your face dark and hard to see—and that’s the most important part!

If you can make it work, the best thing to do is to design your lighting in the classic “three point” format: one light directly on your face (the “key” light), one pointing at you from another angle to reduce the shadows, perhaps slightly more low down, or on the other side of your face (the “fill” light), and then a light low down, pointing up at you from behind (the “back” light).

It sounds complicated but it can be achieved with relative ease. For example, you could pick up a ringlight designed for video calls to sit directly behind your camera, then use your desk lamp as the fill—and then use either the light from your window or another lamp as the backlight.

A professional microphone makes up for bad video

The built-in microphones inside our computers can be pretty good, but they’re never truly great. So if you have the budget, it’s worth spending the money on a dedicated external microphone like one made by Shure or Blue. The most important thing is that people should be able to hear what you’re saying.

illustration by Daniel Garcia

As a dedicated piece of hardware that you can mount on a microphone stand, you can ensure that it is perfectly placed to pick up your words, and it will make you sound as good as a professional broadcaster. If the call is really important, don’t forget to wear headphones. That will minimise the feedback of the sound from your speakers going straight back into the microphone and giving everyone on the call a headache.

Don’t rely on the default camera

The ideal position for your camera is straight-on, roughly at your eye-level, to create the illusion of eye contact. However, this isn’t always easy if you’re using a laptop and are sitting at a desk, towering above it.

It might be worth getting an external camera you can put on top of a monitor or a tripod. Most built-in cameras aren’t very good.

I’m a big fan of an app called Camo Studio, which lets you use what might be the best camera you own as a webcam: the one on your phone. Simply install the app, buy a phone mount for your monitor and tell the app on your computer to connect to the phone—and it will seamlessly work just like a webcam. Brilliant. n

Email all your tech questions for James to readersletters@ readersdigest.co.uk

“SOME

A S S E M B L Y REQUIRED”

BY Richard Glover

Flat–pack Furniture was once a small segment of the market. Those who were up for a challenge could visit IKEA and test their wits against the evil geniuses who wrote their instruction manuals. It all worked out, provided you were attentive to every tiny detail and had the patience of a saint.

These days, though, nearly everything you buy has “some assembly required.” When you order a chair, a bed or a barbecue, you get a bag of tiny parts and an instruction

leaflet that needs a magnifying glass to decode. If I bought a new car, I’m sure I would be given 1,043 pieces, a wrench and an oxy-acetylene welding set.

Recently my wife, Jocasta, ordered two outdoor lounge chairs so we could enjoy some time together in the sun. When they arrived, she suggested that I assemble them. The instruction pamphlet had a picture of a tiny, straight-shouldered man and a clock indicating that the job would take 45 minutes.

They could have entered the pamphlet in the Booker Prize for Fiction. A more accurate ideogram would have been a clock spinning to infinity and a bent-double fellow

illustration by Sam Island

whose spirit was broken. I started work on the chairs at noon and finished, ironically, just as the sun was going down.

There were endless possibilities for error. Which was the chair’s left leg and which was the right? The tiny arrows indicated that you must get this correct or much misery would ensue. Yet there was no way of telling.

Worse, the mesh fabric on which you would hopefully lie had to be stretched across the frame under high tension. This was achieved with a series of bolts that had to be turned with an Allen key whose movement was restricted by the crossbeams of the frame.

And so I laboured, making a series of quarter turns, grunting with effort, the bolts moving with reluctance as the fabric slowly tightened. My only point of gratitude: the possibility that at least one chair might emerge; after this, I would definitely need to lie down.

Since when did companies palm off so much of their basic work onto their customers? It’s not only furniture. Airlines now require you to print your own boarding pass, affix your own luggage labels and heave your own bags onto the conveyor. They are three steps away from, “Sir, could you please turn left upon boarding the plane? You’ve been chosen to fly the aircraft today.”

At restaurants, the “deconstructed” meal is the big thing. Why make a cheesecake when you can serve up two

strawberries, a dollop of cream cheese and a crumbled-up biscuit and call it “trendsetting”? Soon they’ll give you a cleaver and a pot, then point you to the chicken coop out back. “Enjoy!”.

I FINALLY COMPLETE PUTTING THE LOUNGE CHAIRS TOGETHER, WITH ONE SCREW LEFT OVER

And at the supermarket these days, you’re encouraged to use the selfcheckouts. Oh, and if you could stack a few shelves before you go, it would be most appreciated.

Social media companies represent the high point of this trend. Why employ anyone to create content when you can invite the customers to entertain each other? And if there’s disinformation, defamation or cruelty, you can say it has nothing to do with you—you just sell the ads that surround the field of battle.

Back in the gathering dusk, I finally complete my task, with one screw left over. I gingerly lower my bulk onto one of the chairs. Miraculously, it holds.

As Jocasta settles into the other one I offer her a celebratory beer, which, amazingly, the brewery has actually made; all I have to do is pour it into a glass. I wonder if they know how outdated their business model is. n

£50 PRIZE QUESTION

Homophones are words that share the same pronunciation, no matter how they are spelled. If they are spelled differently then they are called heterographs. Find heterographs meaning:

Win £30 for your true, funny stories!

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My friend went on a date in February and was delighted to come home a few days later on Valentine’s Day to find a dozen red roses on her doorstep along with an anonymous Valentine’s Day card. She instantly sent a text to her date to thank him.

It wasn’t until a few days later that he confessed that sadly they weren’t from him. She discovered a secret admirer had sent them. Oops!

EMILY BULMAN, Herts

Being a little hard of hearing, I put on the subtitles during a recent TV show, and was doubly entertained when the speaker said they wished "Grandpa Stavros" a happy 100th birthday, but the subtitles were "Grandpa stabbed Ross".

MARY TAPPENDEN, Kent

During a family picnic, my aunt, determined to showcase her culinary skills, presented her "world-famous"

barbecue sauce. With great gusto, she unveiled her secret recipe, only to realise she had forgotten a crucial ingredient—the spice!

Undeterred, she improvised, grabbing the nearest bottle, assuming it was paprika.

As everyone eagerly tasted her creation, their expressions morphed from enthusiasm to sheer horror. It turned out she had mistaken cinnamon for paprika! The sauce, now an utterly bizarre mix of sweetness and heat, sparked a chorus of surprised reactions.

To this day, "Aunt Cinnamon's Spicy Sweet Surprise" remains a cautionary tale at family gatherings.

PARIN WALJEE, Birmingham

Some time ago, my wife and I were thinking of moving house. I called in at the local estate agent and was met by a pretty young girl who was clearly Russian.

Once our business was concluded I thanked her for her assistance and said what I believed to be Russian for "goodbye". The girl giggled and threw me a very peculiar look.

Much later I realised that I hadn't said goodbye at all, but "I love you!".

CRAWFORD IVIN,

Isle of Wight

My seven-year-old granddaughter was asking many questions about the family heirlooms in our living room. I explained the concept of sentimental value and why we may

treasure certain items. This led to a discussion on what things we would immediately take with us, in case of a house fire.

My granddaughter said she would grab Misty’s and Cody’s urns from her house, the family’s deceased dog and cat ashes. I was touched, yet I wanted to smile. The irony is not lost on me.

ERICA HENAULT,

British Columbia, Canada

My neighbour was moving and left a key with me for the landlord to collect in a few days’ time. She also asked me to check to see if any of her mail was delivered there, even though she had given the post office her new address.

I duly went into No 24 to check on mail and found several letters on the floor—all of them addressed to my husband or me at our address next door, No 26!

MARGARET ROBERTSON, Kent

cartoon by Royston Robertson

Word Power

Ramp up your fashion sense with this highly stylish word ensemble. It’s been designed expressly for you, to expand your personal collection of designer terms. The best part is, it won’t cost you a penny!

BY ALISON RAMSEY

1. toile—A: inexpensive sample garment. B: tissue-paper pattern. C: male mannequin.

2. ruche—A: embroidery. B: frill. C: false pocket.

3. empire waist—A: waist at hip level. B: waist just under the bust. C: wide sash at waist.

4. bias-cut—A: cut in a zigzag. B: slit up the side. C: cut diagonally.

5. espadrille—A: shoe with a fabric upper and flexible sole. B: leather slip-on. C: buckled shoe.

6. anorak—A: safari hat. B: insulated underwear. C: drawstring jacket.

7. French cuff—A: ruffled cuff. B: double cuff. C: elongated cuff.

8. welt—A: to trim with fur. B: create a reinforced strip of fabric. C: tie straps in a criss-cross.

9. ikat —A: Indonesian textile decoration. B: African geometric design. C: South American weave design on a garment.

10. raglan —A: sleeve that is bellshaped. B: is three-quarter length. C: lacks a shoulder seam.

11. bolo tie —A: neck scarf. B: cord tie. C: clip-on tie.

12. appliqué —A: ribbon belt. B: adding overlapping fabric. C: top stitching a garment.

13. yoke —A: fitted part of a shirt. B: front panel of a vest. C: fullest part of a skirt.

14. seersucker —A: crinkly cotton, usually striped. B: sheerest silk. C: elasticised blend.

15. haberdashery —A: hair ornaments. B: men’s accessories. C: buttons and zippers.

Answers

1. toile—[A] inexpensive sample garment; Designers use toile mockups to save on costly fabrics. From Latin tela (web).

2. ruche —[B] frill; A ruched collar can soften a jacket’s severe lines. From Medi eval Latin rusca (bark).

3. empire waist—[B] waist just under the bust; The empire waist dominated last summer’s cropped dresses. It was popular during the first French Empire.

4. bias-cut—[C] cut diagonally; Body-hugging gowns can be made using bias-cut fabrics. From Middle French biais (slant).

5. espadrille —[A] shoe with a fabric upper and flexible sole; Light and comfor table, espadrilles are perfect spring wear. From Greek sparton (rope).

6. anorak—[C] drawstring jacket; A Canadian without an anorak is a bit like a Floridian without a swimsuit. From Inuit annoraaq.

7. French cuff—[B] cuff doubled back on itself; Elegant French cuffs on shirts are often held in place with stylish cufflinks.

8. welt—[B] to create a reinforced strip of fabric; Welting sleeves helps them withstand wear and tear. From Middle English welte.

9. ikat —[A] Indonesian textile decoration; Intricate ikat work involves tying threads at intervals, then dying them before weaving. From Malay (fasten).

10. raglan—[C] sleeve that lacks a shoulder seam; The raglan style is a fashion lifesaver for the narrowshouldered. Named for British Commander Lord Raglan.

11. bolo tie —[B] cord tie with decorative clasp and tips; The bolo tie was invented by a jewellerymaking horse rider in Arizona. Likely from Spanish / Portuguese bola (ball).

12. appliqué—[B] adding overlapping fabric; Flared cocktail dresses detailed with appliqués defined 1950s chic. Latin applicare (to fold).

13. yoke—[A] fitted part of a shirt or skirt; Cowboy shirts often sport decorative yokes, sometimes trimmed with braid. Old English geoc (to join).

14. seersucker—[A] crinkly cotton, usually striped; Seersucker suits make headlines in spring. Persian sir o sakar (milk and sugar).

15 . haberdashery —[B] men’s accessories; His use of haberdashery made him a sharp dresser. Likely from Anglo-French hapertas (a type of fabric).

VOCABULARY RATINGS

7–10: fair, 11–12: good, 13–15: excellent

Reader’s Digest Competitions –

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Finder

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Page 42 Prize Wordsearch/£200 Hello Fresh

Page 66 2-Night stay at Sutton Hotels

Page 98 City break in Edinburgh

Page 151 Photo Finder

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Photo

Pic-A-Pix: Antlered

Brain GAMES

Sharpen Your Mind

MediuM Reveal a hidden picture by shading in groups of horizontally or vertically adjacent cells. The numbers represent how many shaded cells are in each of the corresponding row’s or column’s groups (for example, a “3” next to a row represents three horizontally adjacent shaded cells in that row). There must be at least one empty cell between each group. The numbers read in the same horizontal or vertical order as the groups they represent. There is only one possible picture; can you shade it in?

Cumulative Review difficult What is the next digit in this series? 2 5 7 6 1 3 4 1 7 9 2 6 8 3 __

All Sorted

easy The mail for four postal carriers—Mary, Jiri, Sanjay and Teresa—has been mixed up. Using the following clues, can you put each piece of mail (parcel, magazine, Valentine’s Day card, registered letter) on the correct delivery route and identify who delivers it?

F The Valentine’s Day card was meant for Sanjay’s route downtown.

F No magazines were going to route 2 or 4.

F The registered letter was for route 4

F The parcel was for Jiri’s route, 2.

F Teresa has never worked route 1 or 2.

F Mary loves the trees and gardens along her route, 3.

Going Places

Set Free

MediuM Place an A, B or C in each empty cell of this grid. No three consecutive cells in a horizontal, vertical or diagonal line may contain a set of identical letters (such as B-B-B) or a set of three different letters (such as C-A-B).

C C B C A A

easy These four pieces of checked luggage have lost their tags. Can you figure out which airport each bag should to go? The airport codes are SVT, GOH, BAU and ECI.

ACROSS

9 Al fresco (4-3)

10 Deadly intestinal ailment (7)

11 What Rapunzel grew (5)

12 Collection point for passage fees (9)

13 Retained (4)

14 It might be proscribed or it could be prescribed (4)

15 --- Winger, A Dangerous Woman (5)

19 Furrowed (6)

20 Face hardship bravely (4,2)

23 Despise (5)

24 Sullen (4)

25 Yield (4)

27 Community tunes and songs (4,5)

29 Rock bottom (5)

30 Entourage (7)

31 John ---, tempestuous court star (7)

CROSSWISE

Test your general knowledge. Answers on p158

DOWN

1 On one side of a notorious DMZ (5,5)

2 High level of excitement (5,5)

3 Your personal "equator"? (5)

4 Rhetorical skill (7)

5 Living things and their habitat (7)

6 Not allowed (9)

7 Turn down (4)

8 Hasty, unwise decision (4)

16 They can mix zombies (10)

17 Sources of Dabinetts, for example (5,5)

18 Gaiety (9)

21 Eventful, long journey (7)

22 Give in (7)

26 Lay to rest (5)

27 Grange (4)

28 Mandolin-like instrument (4)

BY Louis-Luc Beaudoin SUDOKU

8 2 1 5 6 3 7 8 3 8 5 4 7 2 9 6 1 2 4 3 6 9 5 1 8

To Solve This Puzzle

Put a number from 1 to 9 in each empty square so that:

F every horizontal row and vertical column contains all nine numbers (1-9) without repeating any of them.

F each of the outlined 3 x 3 boxes has all nine numbers, none repeated.

BRAIN GAMES ANSWERS

FROM PAGE 152

Pic-A-Pix: Antlered

Cumulative Review

4. The numbers form a continuous addition sequence: 2 + 5 = 7; + 6 = 13; + 4 = 17; + 9 = 26; + 8 = 34.

All Sorted

Sanjay has the Valentine’s card on route 1, Jiri has the parcel on route 2, Mary has the magazine on route 3, and Teresa has the registered letter on route 4.

Set Free

A A C A

B C C B

A C A A

A A C A

Going Places

The bags’ designs are made up of the letters in the codes for their destinations: tan, BAU; green, ECI; red, SVT; blue, GOH.

Laugh!

WIN

£30 for the reader’s joke we publish!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

Rhetorical questions. What’s that all about then?

GLENNY RODGE (@GlennyRodge)

No, I will not help you mate a cheetah with a deer. It’s clear that you’re just trying to make a quick buck.

T’OTHER SIMON (@Tother_Simon)

My grandad always used to say to me, “Pints, gallons, litres, cubic inches,” which, I think, speaks volumes.

OLAF FALAFEL (@OFalafel)

I was disappointed to find out a sexagenarian is someone in their sixties and not a career option.

JOEL JEFFREY (@joeljeffrey)

I was feeling lonely so I started a small business. It’s nice to have a little company.

MARIANA Z (@mariana057)

Don’t you ever feel like maybe the name “Newfoundland” was intended as a placeholder?

GINNY HOGAN (@ginnyhogan)

Directing your first feature film is actually called a debut because it puts u in debt.

ADAM LAVIS (@AdamLavis)

I watched Location Location Location last night, a TV show all about trying to find a thesaurus.

MOOSE ALLAIN (@MooseAllain)

I just don’t know how a cemetery can raise burial prices and blame it on the cost of living!

DAVID ELLIOT

ASK A COMEDIAN

Ed Patrick

Ed Patrick is an anaesthetist, author and comedian whose book caught the attention of comedians and celebrities across the UK. Ian Chaddock asks him about his funniest experiences…

What stand-up special or comedy film made you fall in love with comedy? I don’t know if there was one thing. I think my first memories of comedy films I watched were Half Baked and Clerks and listening to Jerry Seinfeld’s I’m Telling You for the Last Time. But going to see live comedy in Nottingham under my brother’s wing when I wasn’t quite old enough was my first exposure to live comedy, which then led to Ross Noble cutting my hair live on stage. I never looked back (and sides).

What has been your funniest live show experience? I once made someone laugh so much at Newcastle Stand comedy club that they fell off their chair.

As well as stand-up, your book of the same name as your upcoming tour Catch Your Breath has won plaudits from the likes of Matt Lucas, Jay Rayner, Dr Phil Hammond and Colin Mochrie. How does that feel? Wonderful, it would make a great dinner party too. Especially if we went to a Jay Rayner recommended establishment.

What do you remember about your first time doing stand-up? It was all white noise, an assault on the senses. My lips moved and noises emerged, which was met by largely positive noises from the audience. It went extremely fast.

What’s the weirdest heckle you’ve ever heard? Someone at a show had a unique laugh and would keep laughing when others had already stopped. I was being heckled…just by laughter.

What’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you in your life? One of the most impressive funny things was during a game of beach cricket with friends in Norfolk. When batting, I smacked the ball high and away, a brilliant shot, truly Ben Stokes-esque.

A man far away was walking with his family, he saw the ball in the air then suddenly raced away from his children and made a ridiculous diving catch into the sand,

sunglasses dislodged, hat at the mercy of the sea. He jumped up and held his sandcovered hands and ball in the air to rapturous applause across the bay, then threw the ball back, returned to his bemused family and continued walking. He wasn’t even part of the game, but I was still given out.

Your new stand-up comedy show is about the trials and tribulations of your life as a junior doctor. Does comedy play a key role in coping, both for doctors and medical staff and for patients? Absolutely. Just like with any workplace. Anything that can lighten the mood in what can often be quite a stressful environment. Plus coffee and snacks.

What else can people expect from your tour in February? Well, they can expect a show at Leicester Comedy festival, and then the tour continues in April and May. Expect medicine, body parts, body fluids and difficulty finding a seat.

So not too dissimilar to visiting a hospital really.

Ed Patrick tours the UK with his show Catch Your Breath in February. His book Catch Your Breath is published by Brazen

CROSSWORD ANSWERS

Across: 9 Open-air, 10 Cholera, 11 Tress, 12 Tollbooth, 13 Kept, 14 Drug, 15 Debra, 19 Rutted, 20 Bear up, 23 Abhor, 24 Dour, 25 Cede, 27 Folk music, 29 Nadir, 30 Retinue, 31 McEnroe.

Down: 1 South Korea, 2 Fever pitch, 3 Waist, 4 Oratory, 5 Ecology, 6 Forbidden, 7 Veto, 8 Rash, 16 Bartenders, 17 Apple trees, 18 Merriment, 21 Odyssey, 22 Succumb, 26 Inter, 27 Farm, 28 Lute.

boredpanda.com and Chaotic Foods (@chaoticfoods)

Funny Food Photos

Beat the Cartoonist!

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-February. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50. Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk by February 7. We’ll announce the winner in our April issue.

DECEMBER WINNER

Our cartoonist’s caption, “Do guide my sleigh tonight, but you really must get that checked out by a vet,” failed to beat our reader Mary Tappenden, who won the vote with “I hate to tell you Rudolf, but the red light should be in the back.” Congrats Mary!

cartoons by Michael Parkin & Royston Robertson

IN THE MARCH ISSUE

The world-renowned portrait artist looks back on his life and most notable sitters I REMEMBER:

Chris Lintott: If I Ruled The World

The world according to an astrophysicist

Jonathan Yeo Green Wonders

Discover the beauty and history of the most important botanic gardens across the globe

GOOD NEWS

from around the World

The prisoners training assistance dogs

Dogs in prisons? It may be more likely than you think. But don’t worry, these dogs aren’t in any trouble!

Based in the UK, Restart Dogs is a vocational education programme that trains adult offenders to become assistance dog trainers. They raise and train dogs to become assistance dogs, teaching them key skills such as door manners, staying where they are asked and walking to heel. And the dogs teach their handlers a thing or two as well, such as responsibility and respect. The programme is paid for by the Prisoners Fund, raised by the work that prisoners do while they are serving their sentences.

There are a few conditions that prisoners must meet before they can take part in the programme: they

must already have committed to rehabilitation programmes, for example, and they may be required to have a certain amount of time left to serve in order to provide consistency in a dog’s training. The rewards are great all-round. For prisoners, the therapeutic benefits of dogs have been well researched and documented. Working with professionals to train dogs responsibly allows prisoners to improve their social skills, empathy and self-regulation, which are all key for social re-integration later down the line.

Meanwhile, for people in need of an assistance dog, there can often be a long waiting list due to the length of time it takes to train an assistance dog—it usually takes two to three years. Thanks to the work that Restart Dogs is doing, there are more happy, healthy assistance dogs, and prisoners who are able to get a second chance in society!

by Alice GAwthrop

“How long have I got, Doc? Five days? Five weeks? Five months? Five years?” “More like months,” the oncologist replied.

When he heard this devastating news, Steve and his wife Bekah made a bold decision – they would get busy living and get busy laughing. Yes, there were tears that day and in those that followed, but Steve is a funnyman and a man of faith. He was never going to give cancer the last laugh.

‘I couldn’t put it down –laughing, brushing away a tear and going on a journey with Steve, the funny man, as he faced the no-joke reality of the diagnosis of a terminal illness. But this is not just Steve’s story; he draws lessons that can change not only the way we view our death – but also our life.’

Rob Parsons OBE,

author of The Heart of Success

Available at or scan below

Wills made easy