Reader's Digest UK Oct 2018

R E A D E R ’ S

HEALTH • MONEY • TRAVEL • RECIPES • FASHION • TECHNOLOGY

D I G E S T

OCTOBER 2018

| S M A L L A N D P E R F E C T LY

Time

TRAVELLERS The People Bringing History To Life

I N F O R M E D

Jane Hawking ON HER LIFE AFTER STEPHEN

|

HEALTH

O C T O B E R

Medical Tourism

2 0 1 8

7

Truths About Health Holidays

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OCTOBER 2018

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Contents OCTOBER 2018

Features 16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

20

Olly ponders why he always finds himself in a rush

p

ENTERTAINMENT

20 INTERVIEW: JANE HAWKING

Married to Professor Stephen Hawking for 30 years, author Jane tells us her own story

30 “I REMEMBER”: COLEEN NOLAN From the Nolans to Loose Women, Coleen looks back

HEALTH 40 A RARE GIFT We follow one mother’s moving mission to trace her son’s donated organs

46 8 SIGNS OF STRESS We reveal the signs that your stress is unhealthy

INSPIRE

58 THE SWEET LIFE Anna Walker investigates the glamorous world of sugar dating

COVER ILLUSTRATION © HELENA PÉREZ GARCÍA

82

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66

p

66 B EST OF BRITISH: STREET ART Not all good art hangs in galleries

75 FROM OUR ARCHIVES We revisit the Digest of 1955

80 A TRIP THROUGH TIME Meets the office workers who live a double life in another era TRAVEL & ADVENTURE

88 HEALTH TOURISM

Eva Mackevic explores the benefits of foreign healthcare OCTOBER 2018 • 1

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Contents OCTOBER 2018

In every issue 8 12

Over to You See the World Differently

48 52

HEALTH Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton

78

INSPIRE If I Ruled the World: Jenny Agutter

96 98

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE My Great Escape Wildlife Holidays

114 116

FASHION & BEAUTY Column: Lisa Lennkh on how to look your best Beauty

100

MONEY Column: Andy Webb

118

ENTERTAINMENT October’s cultural highlights

FOOD & DRINK Tasty recipes and ideas from Rachel Walker

122

HOME & GARDEN Column: Cassie Pryce

127

106

110

127

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BOOKS October Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: Prue Leith

128

TECHNOLOGY Column: Olly Mann

130 133 136 140 143 144

FUN & GAMES You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers Laugh!

60-Second Stand-Up Beat the Cartoonist OCTOBER 2018 • 3

SENIOR EDITORS Anna Walker, Eva Mackevic EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Jessica Summers ART DIRECTOR Richard Cooke ADVERTISING Jigs Pankhania MARKETING Sarah Hughes FINANCE MANAGER Irving Efren

TRUSTED MEDIA BRANDS INC (USA) President and Chief Executive Officer Bonnie Kintzer Vice President, Chief Operating Officer International Brian Kennedy Editor-in-Chief, International Magazines Raimo Moysa

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In This Issue…

EDITORS’ LETTERS

What do Reader’s Digest, The Beano and Batman have in common? They all celebrate 80th birthdays in 2018!

To commemorate, we’re collecting your fondest memories of the Digest, from stories that have stuck with you to the days of poring over your parents’ backcopies. Email readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk and we’ll print our favourites alongside recollections from a few famous faces in our December issue.

Memory is something of a theme this month.

Improve it on page 56, or indulge it on p20 as Jane Hawking takes a trip down memory lane. On p40 one mother is on a mission to honour the memory of her son. It’s a moving read, and a timely reminder of the kind of powerful storytelling that has been the Digest’s mission for eight decades.

Anna

There were a few things I was suspecting to find out on my health trip to Bulgaria: high blood pressure, iron deficiency or a malfunctioning liver. What I did not expect was to come back with a handful of anecdotes, a refreshed perspective on life and a new friend (plus a surprising diagnosis, but more on that later) yet that’s exactly what happened.

Health tourism has been attracting a lot of media furore, both good and bad, but wherever you stand on the matter, there are some undeniable—if a tad suprising—benefits to it. Read my account of being a medical tourist in Sofia on p88.

Eva

Follow us facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk You can also sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk Reader’s Digest is published in 27 editions in 11 languages OCTOBER 2018 • 7

Over to You LETTERS ON THE AUGUST ISSUE

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

Letter of THE MONTH

Paris

My heart melted and tears welled in my eyes while With My reading Liam Drew’s Grandmother “Paris with My Grandmother” in your August issue.

It made me think of my own father who is now 94 years old, and frail. He always wanted to travel to different countries when he was young, but the Second the Reader’s Digest magazine (as old as 1974).

World War He said that when he read made it it, he’d be taken into impossible for places that he could only him. After the war, imagine visiting. Right now, my he got married and regret is that it’s too late to fulfil his dedicated his life to dreams. Liam was so blessed that, teaching. At the age of 60, they somehow, he was able to adopted me. So instead of enjoying share treasurable memories with his retired state, he and my mother his grandmother. devoted their senior years to parenting.

Christine Manejero, Coincidently, his escape was County Durham reading and collecting old issues of

BY L I A M DRE W

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE

"SO, WE WON'T BE TAKING THESE?" I asked, as Nan walked away from the escalator.

"No," she said defiantly, heading for the staircase, "I don't like them."

My mum—Nan’s daughter— had warned me about this. But at 72, Nan was about to leave England and fly for the first time; I'd rather hoped that the novelty of a moving staircase could also be accommodated. It couldn't, which meant I ascended the stairs to the airport's departure lounge slowly, finding myself worrying once more about the logistics of our travelling alone together.

81

8 • OCTOBER 2018

READER’S DIGEST

OTHERWORLDLY ENCOUNTERS Your article “Opening Heaven’s Door” really resonated with me. To me, spiritual experiences of the kind described are simply an extra facet of life. I know of many people who have had them, including myself. In my school years, among my peers, the concept was not well received. I was soundly mocked, and as a result, kept any future experiences to myself. It was my secret for many years, but at the same time I always held a “watching brief.” I’ve never understood the absolute need many people have to explain away these experiences as imagination or coincidence. And I become incensed when they feel justified in belittling the “experiencer.”

My conclusion was that their reaction must be rooted in fear; the harder they

try and explain away these things, the tighter that fear holds them. What are they afraid of? We are all going to die one day and if there’s comfort to be had, from whatever source, then who has the right to belittle those who seek it? A few years ago I finally made the decision to own my experiences.

Whatever anyone else thinks, they happened to me and I know what that felt like. In certain circumstances I have shared them and they have given comfort. For me that’s truth enough. If anyone challenges me I never feel the need to argue my case. One day they might have an experience of their own. This was a very thoughtprovoking article and I applaud you for printing it.

Jan Gardiner, Hampshire

CARDLESS AND CAREFREE I read with interest your feature “What’s the point of loyalty schemes?” A few months ago I cut up ALL my loyalty cards.

I had eight. They were ruling my life. They may make an awful lot of sense for the retailers, but they are less attractive for card carriers.

I now shop where I want to shop when I want to shop—I don’t need rewards. I’m saving money all the time by choosing cheaper stores. I prefer low prices to points or other incentives. I feel liberated since I got rid of them. I’d recommend it to anyone.

Maddie Drury Flintshire 9

OV E R TO YO U

SPEAK UP After living abroad for many years I have returned to this country and agree with Jon Sopel (“If I Ruled the World”) about the sad lack of cordiality here. The traditional English reserve is an unfortunate part of everyday life. My brother commutes daily by train to London.

I remarked that by now he must be quite pally with some of the other commuters. But he replied that, apart from the odd remark about the weather, nobody on the train speaks to anyone else.

However, I do find that if one initiates a conversation, most people are only too pleased to have a chat.

So, come on guys!

Cut the reserve and communicate.

Sheila Chisnall, Devon

I agree with Jon Sopel that it was a very bad decision by the government in 2002 to make it optional for children over the age of 14 to study a second language.

In a world where the benefits of learning and speaking a second language have never been greater, the way languages are taught is changing to meet the growing need. It’s no use saying, “I took French in school, but I can’t speak it.”

Speaking a second language makes a person a better thinker. And language skills are useful to people who never leave home too. Police, teachers, nurses, business owners and others will find language skills useful, whether they want to sell their products abroad or work in communities which are increasingly multiethnic. Well said, Jon. Jessika Cooper, Devon

Send letters to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

Please include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number.

We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media.

Editor’s note: Keen-eyed readers may have noticed “habit” was mistakenly spelled “habbit” on some September covers. We promise not to make a habit of this mistake.

10 • OCTOBER 2018

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See the world TURN THE PAGE…

…differently The sun never sets at the Palau de la Música Catalana! This palatial concert hall in Barcelona possesses its very own day star—in the form of a massive, stainedglass dome. The work of artist Antoni Rigalt weighs hundreds of kilograms and curves downward towards visiting eyes. The numerous windows also mean that this breathtakingly spectacular concert hall needs no artificial lighting during the day, making it even more unique in Europe.

14

PHOTOS: (VORIGE SEITE) © GETTY IMAGES/ 1001NIGHTS; (DIESE SEITE) © GETTY IMAGES/DANNY LEHMAN

IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

Too Fast, Too Furious

This month Olly Mann examines a bad habit inherited from his father—always rushing things

A

t the time, I find an excuse.

My meeting over-ran.

Roadworks were unavoidable.

My mother called me (Mum is unable to keep any conversation to under 30 minutes. She’d be the world’s worst emergency call operator). Or, I couldn’t find a car park space. Or: I found a car park space, but it was ages away from the meter, and it took forever to walk back. Or: I paid for the car park with an app, but got a Penalty Charge Notice anyway, so had to appeal it, because otherwise I’d forget to do it later, even though it wasn’t my fault, (thanks for nothing, Mr Traffic Warden).

I’m rushing constantly. When I pick my son up from nursery, Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

16 • OCTOBER 2018

I arrive on the dot at six. There’s no financial penalty for that, but there’s no time to discuss what he’s been doing all day, either. When I post a letter, I leap toward the postbox at the very moment the postman makes his final collection. Even an action replay couldn’t determine who touched it first. When I depart for the train station, I always remember something I’ve left inside the house—my umbrella, my specs, my smartphone—just as the door slams behind me. Then I’m rushing even harder. It’s important to note, I’m far from an athletic man. Yet I seem to spend much of my life breathlessly dashing about, like Anthony Edwards in ER. When I find the time to do the stuff other people claim is relaxing, I rush through that, too. If I try to follow a recipe, I’m soon darting about the kitchen like I’m being chased by Gordon Ramsay with a meat skewer.

How can I add garlic to the pan, and

ILLUSTRATION BY SARA AZ AD

IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

chop onions at the same time? How can I lay the table when I need to blend the sauce? Rush, rush, rush.

Reading a book is rarely “time out” for me. I find it almost impossible to stop my eyes glancing down a couple of paragraphs to see what happens next. As if I’m making a professional assessment of whether the prose is worthy of my time, rather than being taken along for the ride.

Even vegetating in front of the TV can be stressful for me. Granted, the glory of on-demand viewing means my bum no longer needs to hit the sofa at an exact specified time-slot— catching the bongs of News At Ten used to be a source of low-level anxiety the whole time I was eating pudding. But the burden of box set binge-watching means there’s always another episode available, always another series to explore, and not enough time to keep up.

Perhaps, I kid myself, this undesirable temperament can be attributed to the solids and liquids I put in my body. Maybe it’s coffee? I’m sensitive to caffeine. That’s why I drink it every morning: it puts a spring in my step.

And if I drink too much, I definitely feel tetchy and edgy and impatient.

Or perhaps it’s alcohol. I drink wine to relax: ergo, perhaps I never feel truly relaxed if I’m not drinking wine. But… I’ve cut out booze and espressos before. That’s not the answer.

18 • OCTOBER 2018

Perhaps technology is to blame.

My smartphone pings with constant nudges, notifications, and distractions. Having a regular reminder of my to-do list definitely makes it harder to chill out. But I know in my heart that this very technology is what allows me to work more flexibly, and—theoretically— helps me get more done without rushing about.

So, I have to reconcile myself to the probable cause: I inherited this from Dad. He was the kind of guy who’d sit on the driveway with the engine running for 15 minutes, even though he wasn’t running late and Mum wasn’t ready to leave the house (probably on the phone). He was the

READER’S DIGEST

“Isn’t it extraordinary how we repeat our parents’ mistakes?” first to stand up when a plane landed, waiting with his face pressed up against the overhead containers, just so he could dash off the aircraft and stand in another queue at Passport Control. He’d burn his tongue on microwave meals because he couldn’t wait for them to cool down.

Dad died from a head injury after falling down the stairs at work. The post-mortem revealed he had coronary heart disease, so he may have had a heart attack at the top of the staircase. Or he may have just tripped—he’d recently had surgery

on his eyes. But my guess is that he was rushing.

Despite the darkest lessons from history, isn’t it extraordinary how we repeat the mistakes of our parents, regardless?

I hate rushing around, and I don’t want to die, so I should probably be focusing my energies on, I don’t know… meditation? Playing the piano? Taking long baths? I should probably be implementing solutions like drinking decaf coffee, turning off my phone notifications, and—since I apparently can’t concentrate on books—listening to audiobooks, rather than giving up on reading entirely. I should try to remember that nothing is more important than my family and my health.

But I don’t have time to think about that. Got to run.

FRIGHT NIGHT These funny jack-o-lanterns spell out what we’re really fearing this Halloween…

(via boredpanda.com) OCTOBER 2018 • 19

“ What’s the difference between a leap of faith in physics and a leap in religion?”

Jane Hawking Known as the wife of the brilliant Professor Stephen Hawking for 30 years, Jane Hawking tells us her own story

BY JOY PERSAUD

J

ane Hawking’s voice is soft as she speaks about her extraordinary life, which was brought to the big screen in 2014’s Oscar-winning film, The Theory of Everything.

From her young husband Stephen’s two-years-to-live diagnosis, to sacrificing her early career, not to mention hostility from academics, Stephen’s carers and his mother, Jane has faced myriad challenges.

So how did the young woman from St Alban’s cope with the trajectory her life took when, at just 21, she married an aspiring astrophysicist who quickly became a household name, feted 20 • OCTOBER 2018

by the public as the possessor of the world’s best brain?

The source of Jane’s strength seems rooted in her upbringing. She describes her parents as “darlings” and says her Christian faith has helped her persevere.

“I think my parents were rather taken aback, but they were very supportive of me when I married Stephen, and my mum, Beryl, encouraged me to keep faith as the way forward,” she says.

“And, of course, there was Stephen and his determination and brilliance, and I wanted to give him as much

JAMES GIF FORD-MEA D / ALAMY STOCK P HOTO

ENTERTAINMENT

OCTOBER 2018 • 21

I N T E R V I E W : J A N E H AW K I N G

thought I could “Iperfectly well

support as I possibly could because I believed in his theories and he thoroughly justified it. And then, there were my tiny children and they were the most beautiful children anyone had ever seen. They kept me going.

But it was pretty hard.”

She recalls her childhood dreams of becoming an air hostess, following her father George into the civil service, or joining the foreign office, but these hopes “went out of the window” when she met Stephen at a party in 1962 and, two years later, became engaged.

“Stephen had been given two years to live so I thought I could perfectly well give two years of my life to this person I loved—he was obviously very clever and I wanted to help him fulfil his ambitions.”

22 • OCTOBER 2018

“Back in the 1960s we all lived under the nuclear cloud and we were told that in the event of a nuclear attack we would have four minutes and this overshadowed my adolescence. I thought, Well, if Stephen has been given two years to live and yet we are all being given a four-minute warning about this attack that was going to obliterate us all, what was the difference?

AT THE TIME OF STEPHEN’S DEVASTATING DIAGNOSIS, little was

known about motor neurone disease, an incurable illness that affects the brain and spinal cord in different ways. Undaunted, Jane took on her role as wife and carer, taking her husband to conferences worldwide and ditching her studies. The

© GODF REY A RGENT / LY NN HILTON / MAI L ON SUNDAY/REX/SH UTTERSTOCK

give two years of my life to this person I loved”

READER’S DIGEST

Jane recalls wanting to help Stephen to achieve his ambitions

frequent travel, she says, was omitted in the film, but was a constant theme in the Hawkings’ lives.

She says, “The first conference we went to was actually on our honeymoon at Cornell University in upstate New York. It was the first time either of us had been to the States and the first time I’d ever flown such distance, but it worked out well.”

“Then, Stephen was invited in 1967 to the summer school in Seattle and that was a ten-hour flight away with an eight-hour time difference. I was very young and optimistic and I had no idea what was involved with a tiny baby so off we went to Seattle.

“I had Stephen on one arm and a six-week-old baby in the other. It was crazy. I would never, ever in a million years advise anybody to do OCTOBER 2018 • 23

I N T E R V I E W : J A N E H AW K I N G

I settled in Cambridge, “ When most mothers were simply

ignored by Cambridge academic society. You were a nobody”

that, but we did it and when we got there everything was provided on a lavish scale. I was expected to drive an enormous limousine and I had only just passed my test in my Mini.

The house we were given… well, you could’ve fit our tiny house in Cambridge into it about four times.”

As Stephen’s illness progressed, Jane chose to pursue her own academic career. The reasons were twofold. First, she wanted to be in a position to provide for her family and, second, she wanted to counter the attitudes of Cambridge academia towards those not in the inner circle.

“My PhD [in medieval Spanish poetry] was about the only thing that was compatible with bringing up a family and looking after Stephen, and so I would take the children to nursery first thing in the morning and then pop off to the university library.

“While I was doing that, I felt I ought to be playing with the children 24 • OCTOBER 2018

and when I was playing with the children, I felt I should be doing my thesis. I finished it two days before my third child was born.

“When I settled in Cambridge, I found that most mothers were simply ignored by Cambridge academic society. You were a nobody. It has changed tremendously. There’s still quite a lot of antagonism in places for women who are not scholars or in the academic life but I don’t care about that now.”

JANE BECAME A LECTURER in modern languages and is now retired, focusing on her creative writing.

She’s working on the third novel in her Immortal Souls trilogy, to follow up Cry to Dream Again, which was published in August 2018.

Jane’s memoir, Travelling to Infinity, was the basis for the 2014 film that won Eddie Redmayne an Oscar for his portrayal of Professor Hawking.

READER’S DIGEST

ENTERTAINM EN T P ICTURES / A LAM Y STOC K PH OTO

The Theory of Everything

While she’s full of praise for the film— particularly for Redmayne and Felicity Jones, who portrayed Jane (see both above)—the scant detail about her parents was saddening. “[My mum] and my dad were ready to come over to Cambridge at the drop of a hat to help out. They were such enthusiastic grandparents and so wonderful to the children and did all sorts of things that I wasn’t in a position to do. They used to take them out to London to the theatre or Dad would take them on walking tours of London and they really completed my children’s education.

“Unfortunately they don’t really get a look in, in The Theory of Everything and that upset me. The ironic thing was that the premiere of the film was on December 9, 2014 and that would’ve been my dad’s 100th birthday. It was painful; it was hurtful.

But, otherwise, the film was beautiful.

“Eddie Redmayne was unbelievable

and when they were filming in a Cambridge college, I went to watch.

I saw this person coming towards me and I thought, Oh, that’s Stephen.

He was walking just as he did in the 1960s —he was very unsteady and jerky—and I was almost on the point of passing out.

“And Felicity Jones playing me, oh my goodness, she captured all my movements, my gestures, my speech patterns, my voice—everything—and a shiver ran up my spine when I saw her for the first time.”

JANE SAYS THAT BEING PORTRAYED

in a film during their lifetimes was a privilege, though Stephen “would have preferred it to be more about science and less about emotions,” she laughs, adding that her reaction was the opposite.

“The film rather accentuated the differences between Stephen and me.

When he says he is an atheist… well, OCTOBER 2018 • 25

I N T E R V I E W : J A N E H AW K I N G

Jane arrives at her former husband’s funeral in March 2018

26 • OCTOBER 2018

physics and other people taking a leap of faith in religion?’ He laughed.”

ALTHOUGH JANE’S MARRIAGE TO STEPHEN ended in 1995,

their relationship has been largely harmonious, apart from a time when “certain people came on the scene and went through our lives with a bulldozer”, she says, quickly changing the subject.

When Stephen died in March, Jane found the reaction to his death profound. While the public interest made for an overwhelming experience that added to the family’s pain, she says the funeral and memorial were “beautiful”.

KEVIN HODGSON / A LAM Y STOCK PHOTO

when you think about his diagnosis at the age of 21, how can you say that there is a loving God? A lot of good things happened to him but, on the other hand, it was a very cruel illness.

“One day I asked him, ‘How do you decide on a theory?’

He said, ‘Well you have to look at all the possibilities in various areas of research and decide what you’re interested in. Then you decide which area of research is most likely to give you the positive result. So you choose your theory, your area of interest, and then you have to take a leap of faith.’

I said, ‘What? What’s the difference between taking a leap of faith in

always “Stephen had to have

fireworks—I’m surprised he wasn’t arrested”

“The one thing that surprised me most of all and took my breath away was the memorial service and the burial in Westminster Abbey. It was magnificent and I had to pinch myself to believe that I was there and that this was all in Stephen’s honour, to be buried among the good and great. It was just an extraordinary thing to witness.”

Jane is now married to musician Jonathan Jones, who was a close family friend. Jane and Jonathan spent many family occasions with Stephen, popping in to visit him on a weekly basis, as he lived close by. Their children, she says, were similarly loyal, “never going off the rails” despite having a severely disabled parent and a life that was often difficult.

“We always celebrated Christmas and birthdays together and Stephen would put on the most extraordinary parties—very lavish. He always had to have fireworks and I’m surprised he wasn’t arrested as he commissioned huge displays in a very small space. It was terrifying. He was very, very mischievous, that was one of the lovely things about him— it was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place.”

Jane Hawking is appearing at the Raworths Harrogate Literature Festival, October 18-21, at the Crown Hotel, Harrogate. Visit harrogateinternationalfestivals.com for the full line-up OCTOBER 2018 • 27

Coleen on The Real Full Monty: Ladies Night

30 • SEPTEMBER 2018

GA RY DOAK / ALAMY STOCK P HOTO

ENTERTAINMENT

ENTERTAINMENT

Coleen Nolan

I Remember…

Coleen Nolan, 53, is a singer, TV presenter and author, best known as one of the panellists on Loose Women as well as a member of the family girl group, The Nolans.

…GOING ON STAGE AGED TWO.

Me and the family all sang together and I remember walking out into the ABC Theatre in Blackpool and singing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.”

I walked out in a little nightie with a teddy bear tucked under my arm.

I remember everyone going, “Aaah,” as I walked out.

ITV/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK

…LIVING IN BLACKPOOL UNTIL I WAS NINE. All my family moved

from Ireland—they were all born over there—I was the only one born in England, which was hilarious because I was the only one with an English passport. In those days the TV always ended with the national anthem and I used to stand up and all my family used to go, “Sit down, you’re Irish. And I’d respond, “I’m not. I’m English.”

…OUR HOUSE IN BLACKPOOL WAS A REALLY SMALL, terraced house

with three bedrooms, one tiny bathroom, a lounge and a kitchen and the ten of us lived in there. I don’t think my brothers ever got to use the bathroom because obviously there were six girls and two boys. It was crazy and loud and just great, really.

I remember noise, neighbours in and out and playing on the street. …BEING OBSESSED WITH HORSES.

I used to spend my life down at the riding stables. I used to go and help with the horses and stay there all day, and then we were normally gigging at night, which was very bizarre. …WHEN WE FIRST MOVED TO LONDON, we stayed in businessman

Joe Lewis’s house for about six OCTOBER 2018 • 31 31

I REMEMBER…

months and he had this big mansion in Wentworth overlooking the golf course. He had a swimming pool—it was incredible. And then we found a house in Ilford and it was a big double-fronted detached house so it was just amazing for us all. …MY SISTERS WERE CONTRACTED TO SING at a cabaret club but it

…THE FIRST TV SHOW THAT WE GOT WAS the It’s Cliff Richard show.

So, although I couldn’t perform with my sisters at the cabaret club, I could 32 • OCTOBER 2018

MIRRORPIX

(Clockwise from top left) Coleen aged seven taking her first Holy Communion; aged four at working men’s club in Blackpool; aged nine with her sisters

turned out to be a nightclub and so I wasn’t allowed to do it. All of a sudden, I went from having this weird childhood of going round all the clubs to having a normal childhood where I would go to school and come home, and my friends would come round because I didn’t have to go to any gigs. It was a lovely time for me.

READER’S DIGEST

“My parents always assumed we were all going to be singers so we didn’t need to worry about what grades we got in geography or history” perform on telly. Thinking back now, it was a huge deal. Those were the days when there were only three channels and you would get 20 million people watching. But, because I’d sung with my family since I was two, it didn’t feel any different. It just felt like what we had always done. …AS A CHILD I WANTED TO BE A VET, then I thought about being a

social worker. I don’t know why— they’re so opposite ends. I think it was because one of my friends at school, her mum was a social worker and I absolutely loved her mum. …ALTHOUGH MY MUM AND DAD HAD EIGHT KIDS in the house they

never stopped any of us from having friends over, so on top of having eight kids we also had friends sleeping over. It was never a case of, “No, there’s no room.”

…GETTING VERY LITTLE IN TERMS OF AN EDUCATION because I was

always moving. I missed a lot of school through going round the country and singing. I don’t think it was ever on the top of my parents’ agenda. I think they always assumed that we were going to all be singers so we didn’t need to worry about what grades we got in geography or history. …JOINING MY SISTERS WHEN I WAS 15. We went off touring to

Japan, Australia and Russia and places like that and I had kind of left school. It sounds weird, because nowadays they come down on you if your child misses one day of school, but no one ever seemed to question it back then. It was certainly an incredible experience—there aren’t too many 15-year-olds who manage to tour the world and perform on stage.

OCTOBER 2018 • 33

I REMEMBER…

…THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I JUST WANTED TO BE A TEENAGER.

Sometimes, my friends would be going out and I’d think, Oh I really want to go out, but I couldn’t because I was gigging. I really wanted to join the Brownies but I couldn’t because we had a gig that night and I remember being really upset about that. There was a massive part of me that, although very, very happy, very much yearned for a normal life.

“The Nolans had this squeaky-clean image.

People didn’t think we kissed boys, let alone got pregnant ”

…WHEN I HAD MY ELDEST SON, SHANE [with Shane Richie], we

weren’t married or anything and obviously The Nolans had this squeaky-clean image. People didn’t think we even kissed boys let alone got pregnant. Initially it was a bit nerve wracking, like, “How am I going to break this?” I just phoned my dad and said, “Dad I’ve got something to tell you and I’m really happy about it and I hope you are OK with it but I’m pregnant,” and he was brilliant, actually. …CHRISTMAS WAS A SPECIAL TIME

and my mum and dad made it so magical. They loved it and made sure we loved it and I still love Christmas.

We watched all the Christmas films and we had Christmas songs and Santa was so special—they really didn’t have any money but every year there was one main present under the tree for each of us.

34 • OCTOBER 2018

We used to have about 24 dishes for dinner—Mum used to cook. We didn’t have any microwaves or dishwashers and she had a four-ring hob, and to this day when I’m doing Christmas dinner, I always think, How the hell did my mum do it? …GETTING MY JOB ON LOOSE WOMEN when me and my husband

Shane Richie split up. I did a documentary called Celebrity Heartbreak, which was hosted by Trisha Goddard and they had five or six celebrity women who had gone through, or were going through, divorce. And to promote the show I got invited on to Loose Women.

I got on so well with them all that they asked, “Would you like to come back and be a guest panellist?” It

READER’S DIGEST

(Above) Daughter Ciara’s christening; (Left) Coleen with her ex-husband Ray and children Shane, Jake and Ciara

you. There was the odd test now and again but there was no massive fall-out or anything like that. just went from there and I soon became a regular. I love it. I can just be myself. It’s just like sitting with your girlfriends. …THE FIRST TIME I DID CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER I came away thinking

I had enjoyed it. I love social experiments and I love watching people and it was fascinating. Big Brother are the best at what they do, which is to play a mental game with

…THE SECOND TIME ON CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER, the one

I won, was horrific. It was nearly five weeks, and Big Brother was much crueller. If it hadn’t been for James Cosmo, Brandon Block, James Jordan and Calum Best, oh God...

In the end I was really mentally damaged by it. You have nothing to do for five weeks—you’re incarcerated and you just have these people who keep going mental. I was just sitting OCTOBER 2018 • 35

I REMEMBER…

there and had to keep reminding myself, “Okay I’m in here because I need a new kitchen.” …WHEN I WENT TO BED AFTER WINNING BIG BROTHER, I CRIED.

I’d been with 17 people for five weeks and here I was in this room on my own. It was a scary feeling, like I wanted to go back in the house.

I wanted them to put me back in with the people I liked, shut the door and not play all the games like I did on telly.

Monty, they’re doing a women’s one to raise awareness of breast cancer”.

Every time I spoke to the producers they said, “We want to make sure that people are comfortable and make sure you’re comfortable”. I phoned my manager and said, “I think they think I’m getting my kit off.”

She replied, “Oh, did I not tell you?

You are.” It was too late then. It was nine weeks filming and I enjoyed every single day of it. …THE FULL MONTY WAS VERY, VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART, as it

was for all the women who took part.

The amount of women who got in touch afterwards and said, “I went to the doctor’s after your programme,” and then either, “I got the all-clear as it was nothing,” or, “They found it but 36 • OCTOBER 2018

they found it really early”. It was an incredible feeling because you think, We did actually get the point across. …I WAS PRESENTING THIS MORNING—my daughter Ciara was

only two months old at the time and the boys were still young. We moved to London and then nine months later I lost the job, so we had to uproot and move back to Blackpool because I couldn’t afford London living , and that was a tough time. It was quite stressful.

I’m not blaming This Morningh; it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK /C U LT U RE /C E L E B RI T I E S

KEN M CKAY/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK/NICKY JOHNSTON /UN IVERSAL

…MY MANAGER PHONED ME AND SAID, “You’re going to do The Full

READER’S DIGEST

Coleen on Lorraine Live with Bernie Nolan; (Right) Performing with her sisters Maureen, Bernie and Linda

…MY SISTER BERNIE’S DEATH FROM BREAST CANCER WAS VERY HARD. I’d only just done The Nolans

reunion tour. It was the best thing we ever, ever did. We loved it so much and then we were going to do it again and then of course she was diagnosed and we never got the chance. That was a really hard time and in that time my second marriage split up too.

I got through it by thinking, Whatever happens will be fine, we’ll be happy. You can either let it force you under the duvet and never come out again or you can just get up and face it. There’s no point in worrying

about what’s going to happen in ten years time. I guess her death made me question if I was happy in my marriage and I thought, I’m not. …I DEFINITELY HAD A MID-LIFE CRISIS. Not that I wanted to go out

clubbing or wear miniskirts but I started to reassess everything. So, Bernie’s death had a massive impact on my life, but I think for the better because I feel stronger, I feel more independent. Me and Ray, my exhusband, now get on so well as friends, as really good friends.

Everything is really exciting.

As told to Joy Persaud Tickets for Coleen Nolan’s 2019 Never Too Late tour are on sale now! The 36 date tour runs from January 11— February 28, all tickets cost £32.50.

Visit ColeenNolanTour.com for tickets and information.

OCTOBER 2018 • 37

BOOK NOW!

TICKETS

tickets

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Dear Readers,

020 74

sdigest.

00 123

Autumn in Theatreland is a time where we can appreciate and welcome plays old and new to the stage and Reader’s Digest Tickets is your guide to what to see.

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This season, the vibrant lights of London’s West End will be putting a spotlight on some exceptional new plays including The Height of the Storm starring theatre royalty Jonathan Pryce and Dame Eileen Atkins. This compelling family drama about the fragility of love is directed by Jonathan Kent and written by Florian Zeller who has been described as the most exciting playwright of our time.

Last performed in 2011, Foxfinder makes its West End debut starring Game of Thrones star Iwan Rheon and Poldark actress Heida Reed at the Ambassadors Theatre. Written by Dawn King, this dystopian fable is an unsettling, darkly comic tale that explores the fallibility of belief.

The Inheritance transfers to the West End after a sold-out run at the Young Vic earlier this year. Matthew Lopez’s astonishing play is recognised as a modern classic and one of the most important plays for many years. This major two-part play explores profound themes through the turbulent and often hilarious experience of a group of young, ambitious New Yorkers.

Whether your taste is the top new plays or revivals such as Pinter at the Pinter Season or Shakespeare, well-known productions such as The Mousetrap, The Woman in Black or The Play That Goes Wrong, be sure that Reader’s Digest Tickets is your box office for the best seats in the house.

Book now and take a bow!

Regards, Reader’s Digest

BILL KENWRIGHT PRESENTS

IWAN RHEON HEIDA REED PAUL NICHOLLS BRYONY HANNAH

BY

DAWN KING STRICTLY LIMITED SEASON FROM 6 SEPTEMBER AMBASSADORS THEATRE

THE UNMISSABLE NEW DRAMA

JONATHAN PRYCE

EILEEN ATKINS

by

Florian Zeller Translated by

Christopher Hampton S T R I C T LY L I M I T E D S E A S O N F R O M 2 1 S E P T E M B E R

|

N O Ë L C O WA R D T H E AT R E

★★★★★

★★★★★

SUNDAY TIMES

THE TELEGRAPH

‘AN EXTRAORDINARY EPIC EVENT’

‘A MODERN CLASSIC’

THE INHERITANCE

BY MATTHEW LOPEZ DIRECTED BY STEPHEN DALDRY DESIGNED BY BOB CROWLEY STRICTLY LIMITED SEASON FROM 21 SEPTEMBER | NOËL COWARD THEATRE

40

HEALTH

When one of her identical twins died shortly after he was born, a brave mother decided to donate his tissue to science. Then she followed it wherever it went

DISCOVERING A FAMILY’S

Rare Gift

P HOTOGRA PHS BY ARIEL ZA MBELI CH

BY SARAH GRAY

I

WAS THREE MONTHS PREGNANT with identical twin boys when my husband, Ross, and I learned that one of them had a fatal birth defect. Our son Thomas had anencephaly, which means that his skull and brain were not formed properly. Babies with this diagnosis typically die in utero or within minutes, hours, or days of being born.

This news was devastating, and also confusing. I had never heard of this before, and it didn’t run in my family. I wondered, Was it something I ate, was it something I drank, was it something I did? But then, even if it was, why was one of them perfectly healthy?

So I was wrestling with a lot of questions that would never have

D I S C O V E R I N G A F A M I LY ’ S R A R E G I F T

answers. And I had to make peace I WAS ALSO CURIOUS ABOUT with that. It was like having an Thomas’s after­life, but in a totally annoying hum in the background. different way. Ross and I had Six months later, the twins were decided to donate ­Thomas’s organs born, and they were both born alive. to science. While his death was Thomas lived for six days. Callum inevitable, we thought maybe it was healthy, and Ross and I moved could be productive. We learned on the best that we could. We had that because he would be too small a beautiful, healthy at birth to qualify for boy to raise. transplant, he’d be We decided early on a good candidate to to tell Callum the truth donate for research.

We were able to about his brother. We We were able to donate donate his have a few pictures of his liver, his cord liver, cord blood, blood, his retinas, Thomas in our home. retinas, and It was a few years later and his corneas. corneas—I was that Callum started to I was curious comprehend what we about whether these curious about were trying to tell him. donations made a whether these Sometimes he said difference. A short donations made things that were sad, time later, I was on a a difference and sometimes he business trip in Boston, said things that were and I remembered kind of funny. We visit that Thomas’s corneas Thomas’s grave a couple of times a had gone to a division of Harvard year, and one time we told Callum Medical School called the Schepens that we were going to bring some Eye Research Institute. So I looked, flowers to put on Thomas’s grave. and I saw it was only a few miles Callum picked up one of his little from my hotel, and I thought Matchbox cars and said, “I want to I would love to visit this lab and put this on the grave too,” which learn more about where Thomas’s I thought was really sweet. donation went.

Later on, we were on the sofa I’d given them a donation, but it watching cartoons, and Callum said, wasn’t just signing a check or giving “Mummy, what is it like in heaven?” a bag of clothes—I had given them I don’t really know, so I did my best. the gift of my child. However, in “You know, some people think it’s order to donate, I had to sign away a place you go when you die. Some my rights to any future information people don’t believe it’s there.” about the donation.

42 • OCTOBER 2018

READER’S DIGEST

I’m going to find somebody So if they didn’t Thomas lived for six days. Years for you. Don’t hang up.” welcome me, I would later, doctors still She connected me understand. Although I felt relied on his to someone in donor in my heart that I wanted donated tissue relations. It wasn’t organ to visit, that I should be donor relations, it was allowed to visit, and that financial donor relations, but she if I asked the right person, I might knew how to give a tour. So we set even be invited for a visit. But I also an appointment. wondered, If they reject me, am I I showed up the next day, and she emotionally ready for that? What’s introduced me to one of the people that going to do to my grief? who requested corneas, Dr James So I called. I explained to the Zieske, an associate professor of receptionist, “I donated my son’s eyes to you a couple of years ago. I’m ophthalmology at Harvard Medical School. I stood in his doorway, in town on business for a couple of and the donor relations woman days. Is there any chance I can stop explained who I was. Dr Zieske was by for a ten-minute tour?” eating a salad at his desk, and he There was a pause. And lucky stood up, and thanked me for for me, the receptionist was very my donation. compassionate. She didn’t laugh He shook my hand and said, “Do or say it was weird, when it was you have any questions for me?” a little weird.

I was so emotional at meeting him.

Instead she said, “I’ve never had this request before. I don’t know who I said, “How many corneas do you request in a year?” to transfer you to, but don’t hang up.

OCTOBER 2018 • 43

D I S C O V E R I N G A F A M I LY ’ S R A R E G I F T

Durham, North Carolina, and this He said, “My lab requests about time I took my husband and our son. ten a year. We would request more, but they’re hard to get, and infant eyes are like gold to us.”

OUR NEXT VISIT WAS TO Duke My heart was just in my throat.

University, at the Centre for Human I could barely choke out the words.

Genetics, where the cord blood I said, “Could you tell me why?” had gone. We met the director of He said that infant eyes are unusual the centre, who had also worked because most of us are older when on the Human Genome Project. He we die, and that’s when you donate explained that being able to study your eyes. But unlike the blood from each adult eyes, infant eyes twin’s umbilical have the potential to cord was extremely regenerate longer in the valuable to them. He I was blown lab because the cells was studying a field away when the are younger and divide called epigenetics, researchers told more easily. which means “on top me what they He said, “If you don’t of genetics.” Epigenetic were doing with mind my asking, how changes can help many years ago did determine whether each donation your son die?” genes are turned on or I said, “About two off, and it’s one of the years ago.” reasons that identical He said, “We’re likely still studying twins can still be different. Our twins’ your son’s eye cells, and they’re cord blood was able to help the probably in this lab right now.” researchers establish a benchmark to So the tour concluded, and my learn more about how anencephaly guide said to me, “I’ll never forget you. first develops.

Please keep in touch with me.”

We then drove down the street to I felt something in me starting to Cytonet, which is the place that got change. I felt that my son had found Thomas’s liver. We met the president his place in the world, and that place and eight staff members and even was Harvard. the woman who’d held Thomas’s So my son got into Harvard, and liver in her hands. They explained I’m now an Ivy League mum. to us that his liver had been used But I also got the bug, and I thought in a six-liver study to determine the maybe I could visit the three other best temperature at which to freeze places too. I made some phone infant liver cells for a lifesaving calls, I set up two appointments in therapy. They also said we were 44 • OCTOBER 2018

READER’S DIGEST

T‑shirt, and she offered him an internship in the future.

So I had thought when we made these donations—in the abstract, in the generic sense—that it was a nice thing to do. But I was amazed and blown away when I met the researchers and they told me specifically what they were doing with each donation. My feeling of grief started to turn into pride. I felt that Thomas was introducing us to his colleagues and his coworkers.

He was introducing me to people I never would have met and taking me to places I never would have been. The humming in the back of my Ross, Callum, one-year-old Jocelyn and Sarah mind stopped. in their living room Recently, Ross, Callum, and I went to Philadelphia to the only donor family who had ever accept an award from the National visited. A few years later, I set up the Disease Research Interchange for final appointment, in Philadelphia, advocacy. We went on stage, and and Ross, Callum, and I went to visit Callum accepted the award. He was the University of Pennsylvania. That’s so proud. I took the opportunity to ask where we met the researcher who’d him a question. received Thomas’s retinas. She was I asked, “Do you know why we are studying retinoblastoma, which is a potentially deadly cancer of the retina. accepting this award?”

And he said, “For helping people.”

She explained that she had been I know as he grows older, there will waiting six years for a sample like be more tough questions. I’m going to ­Thomas’s. It was so precious to her have to teach him that there are times that she had saved some of it, and five in life when there are questions that years later, she still had some of it in are important, but you’ll still never get her freezer, and did we want to see it? the answer. But it’s worth the try, and Yes, we did. you never know until you ask.

She then gave Callum a Penn OCTOBER 2018 • 45

HEALTH & ADVENTURE

8

Silent Signs

Stress Is Making You Sick

BY A LYSSA J U N G

1 Unusual Weight Changes “Stress triggers the release of the hormone cortisol, which changes the way you metabolise fat, protein, and carbs,” says Dr Shanna Levine, a primary care physician and clinical instructor of medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Stress can also cause you to overeat or undereat.

WHAT TO DO Snack on nuts. The protein will help if you’re under­ eating, and the fibre will fill you up if you’ve been bingeing.

2 Breaking Out in Hives When your body experiences stress, it releases a chemical called histamine and—boom—hives galore. When your immune system is weakened by stress, your skin can also become irritated by things it never used to be sensitive to, such as heat, lotions, or detergent.

WHAT TO DO Put a cool, damp towel on the affected area. If that doesn’t work, take an antihistamine.

46 • OCTOBER 2018

3 A Fuzzy Brain Too much cortisol can also make it harder to concentrate, causing memory problems as well as anxiety and depression, says Dr Levine.

WHAT TO DO Relax until you regain your focus. Practise closing your eyes and breathing in and out slowly, concen­trating only on your breath.

4 Headaches

P HOTOGRAPH BY YASU+JUNKO. P ROP STYLI ST: SA RAH GUIDO-LAA KSO FOR HALLEY RESOURCES

It’s common for your muscles to tense up when you’re stressed, which can cause a headache. Prone to migraines? Stress can trigger them or make them worse.

WHAT TO DO If you don’t want to take ibuprofen, try dabbing lavender oil or peppermint oil on your temples when a headache starts.

5 A Sour Tummy Stress can cause the body to produce more digestive acid, which can lead to heartburn. “It can also slow the emptying of food from the stomach, which causes gas and bloating and may increase the number of times your colon contracts, leading to cramping and diarrhea,” says Deborah Rhodes, MD, a Mayo Clinic internal medicine physician.

WHAT TO DO Take an over-thecounter antacid or drink ginger tea.

6 Hair Falling Out Hair follicles might be pushed into a resting phase by stress. A few months later, those hairs fall out. Stress can

also cause the body’s immune system to attack your hair follicles, resulting in hair loss.

WHAT TO DO Be patient. Once your stress level returns to normal, your hair should start growing back.

7 A Cold That Just Won’t Quit Stress suppresses the immune system, which makes it harder to fight off bugs. Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University in Pennsylvania, US, infected volunteers with a cold; those who reported they were dealing with stress were twice as likely to get sick as those with fewer problems.

WHAT TO DO One study found that zinc supplements or lozenges can shorten the length of a cold by about a day if taken within 24 hours of feeling sick. Meditation, regular exercise, and plenty of sleep can also help you destress and boost your immune system.

Acne… Again!

8 Cortisol is the culprit here, too—it causes skin glands to make more oil.

Along with dirt and dead skin cells, the oil can get trapped inside hair follicles, producing pimples.

WHAT TO DO Topical creams containing benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid can clear up acne if applied regularly. For a more natural approach, wash your face with green tea or dab on some pure aloe. Their antibacterial properties are known to promote healing.

OCTOBER 2018 • 47

Breast Cancer— Fact And Fiction What’s true and what’s fake news when it comes to breast health and breast cancer?

Tiredness is a symptom of breast cancer | Fiction Feeling shattered is not a sign that you have a tumour in the breast.

What’s significant is a lump or other changes to your boobs, in particular, in the size or shape, to the texture of the skin or to the nipple—for example, its position. Liquid coming from your nipple, a rash or redness of the skin, and frequent pain are other warning signs. Fatigue is more of a side-effect of breast cancer treatment.

You can reduce your risk of breast cancer | Fact Some risk factors you really can’t change—like being over 50, female and having a significant family history of breast cancer. But beyond that, there’s a lot you can do to lower Susannah Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature 48 • OCTOBER 2018

your risk. It’s mostly about lifestyle.

Keeping to a healthy weight, exercising, not drinking or smoking, and limiting the length of time you take the pill or HRT will help cut your chances.

Breast cancer is the biggest killer of women | Fiction Not so. It does feature in the list of the ten most common causes of death in women. But more women die of dementia and Alzheimer’s than anything else, and heart disease, stroke, chronic lower respiratory disease, flu and pneumonia all kill more women than breast cancer, which accounts for 3.7 per cent of female deaths.

Cancer of the breast kills more people than any other cancer | Fiction In fact, lung cancer is a bigger killer of women and men, and deaths from prostate cancer have recently overtaken deaths from breast cancer.

The good news is that deaths from breast cancer are in decline, with the

HEALTH

mortality rate dropping by ten per cent. Screenings and new, better treatments are paying off.

You have to check your breasts in a particular way | Fiction You absolutely don’t have to check them at a particular time or using a particular technique. It’s more important to know what’s normal for you. Check your breasts regularly, making sure you feel the armpits and up to the collarbone as well. You can do this in the shower, in bed or while applying body lotion.

It’s up to you.

the nipple and pain. The nipple might even be pulled inwards. The important thing is to see a doctor if you experience any changes at all, so that anything sinister can be ruled out.

Most breast changes are benign | Fact Breast changes happen a lot and most are not cancer.

Benign cysts are common as women get older. They can be painful but breast pain, whatever the cause, is rarely a sign of cancer on its own. Other breast conditions that can occur as you age might seem alarming but, once diagnosed, can be left alone. One example is duct ectasia, where the milk ducts shorten and widen. It can cause a watery or blood-stained discharge, a lump behind 49

H E A LT H

How To Manage Anxiety We’ve all dealt with anxiety at some point in our lives; here’s how to keep it in check…

Nausea, cold sweats, palpitations— anxiety has physical symptoms as well as the emotional discomfort.

But there are ways you can cope: Exercise A brisk walk, run or yoga will all produce endorphins and reduce the stress hormone, cortisol, helping relieve those debilitating symptoms of anxiety. Try to get some exercise at least once a day.

Deep breathing When you’re very anxious your breathing can become rapid and shallow, which in turn can make you feel dizzy and panicky.

Inhale and exhale deeply a few times, focusing on your breath. This will then calm you down enough to practise 4-7-8 breathing: inhale deeply for a count of four, hold for a count of seven and then slowly breathe out for a count of eight.

Avoiding trigger foods Digestive troubles go hand in hand with anxiety.

Feeling sick and having diarrhoea are 50 • OCTOBER 2018

both common. It may help to avoid foods and drinks that could set you off, including caffeine, alcohol, sugar and refined carbohydrates, such as white bread, pastries and white rice.

Progressive muscle relaxation This is much simpler than it sounds and, like many relaxation techniques, it works.

Clench different parts of your body and then release the tension, starting at the feet and working up the body.

This helps with increased heart rate and that sensation of breathlessness that often accompany anxiety.

Accept your feelings Instead of telling yourself you shouldn’t be feeling this way and resisting it, accept your sensations without judging. That’s the first step towards dealing with them.

Distraction Doing something else when your symptoms are getting the better of you can work wonders. Opt for a calming activity such as reading or listening to relaxing music.

READER’S DIGEST

Ask The Expert: Grief Lianna Champ

Funeral director and bereavement counsellor Lianna Champ has over 40 years’ experience working with people who are grieving How did you become an expert in grieving? I always wanted to be an undertaker, and became the youngest female qualified funeral director.

I’m also a certified grief recovery specialist. My overriding passion has always been to help people and give them their life back after loss.

What are the different ways in which people respond to a death? Each loss is different. How we grieve depends on who we are as people and on the relationship we had at the time of the loss. If we had a complete relationship with someone, we might experience the natural sadness of separation without the gnawing anguish of regret.

We need emotional completion.

How important is it to manage grief properly? It’s absolutely vital because it can affect your capacity for moving forward and your future happiness.

It’s important to recognise if we’re using negative coping mechanisms

such as retail therapy, sleeping or drinking more.

What tips can you give people to help them cope with grief? Find someone you trust and talk about your feelings. Eat well, get plenty of rest. Accept that it’ll always be OK to have those moments of sadness and don’t pretend you’re OK if you’re not. Accept how you feel in the present moment and be honest about your feelings.

What advice can you give people who are trying to support someone who’s bereaved? Actually listen.

Don’t jump in with your own experience—it minimises the importance of the other person’s feelings. Each experience of loss is unique.

Lianna’s book How to Grieve Like a Champ is published by Red Door Publishing OCTOBER 2018 • 51

HEALTH

Difficult Decisions Dr Max Permberton ponders the heavy weight of authority over other people’s lives…

H

ospitals are scary places.

Most people come into contact with hospitals when things go wrong: they’ve had an accident, become unwell or have been referred for more tests. Nobody, except the staff, is there by choice.

And it can be touch-and-go with some of the staff. But patients aren’t the only ones who are scared. The overriding memory of my first year as a doctor is that of persistent, unadulterated fear. As the junior doctor, you’re faced with the unknown on a daily basis, and it scares you.

You might think that psychiatry is free from all this high-level angst. It’s just lots of talking isn’t it? But it has its own sort of traumas and its own emergencies every bit as scary as in other branches of medicine. I was Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full time in mental health for the NHS. His latest book is a self-help guide to using CBT to stop smoking

52 • OCTOBER 2018

recently on call. As I sat in the doctor’s room, the peaceful evening was abruptly interrupted by the slamming of a van door, shouts of several men and screams from another.

Several minutes later, my pager goes off. The extension number shown is for PICU—Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit. The noise I had heard from outside was someone being transferred in a police van to PICU and I have to go and assess them.

After getting through the numerous security doors I’m met by six policemen, all with cuts on their faces.

“He’s in there,” one of them says.

I peer through a small reinforced-glass observation window in a door. The man inside the small room immediately lunges for the door and tries to smash the glass. This is Mr Kilshaw. He’s acutely psychotic and very angry at having been brought into hospital. There’s no reason to be scared as he can’t get out, but I am.

In fact, he’s so disturbed that he’s being kept in “seclusion,” until he calms down and treatment can be started. This is only reserved for the

most unwell patients, and means that they’re kept in isolation in a small room, with nothing else except a mattress, so that they can’t harm themselves. There’s CCTV in the room relayed to the nursing station so he can be monitored constantly. The decision to put someone in seclusion is not made lightly, and there are protocols in place to ensure that it’s not abused. It’s not a punishment, but a way of managing and containing the patient until they’re calmer. I look at the policemen that Mr Kilshaw assaulted while being brought in and am overwhelmingly relieved that he’s locked up behind a secure door.

He’s not normally an aggressive man.

His aggression is because he doesn’t think he’s unwell and thinks he’s being

wrongfully detained. I’d be trying to assault people if I felt they were locking me away without reason. I sign the forms agreeing to Mr Kilshaw being kept in seclusion, and walk outside into the night air. I hate the idea that on my say-so a man has been locked up in a tiny window-less room, stripped of his liberty.

Psychiatry is fraught with dilemmas like this, because it deals with things that the rest of society doesn’t want to have to think about. Out of everyone involved, the person who’s really scared is Mr Kilshaw. He doesn’t understand what’s happening to him or why. It might be for his own good, but it’s brutal. And it scares me to think of the authority I have over other people’s lives.

OCTOBER 2018 • 53

HEALTH

The Doctor Is In Q: “I’m the heaviest that I’ve been in years, and although I want to lose weight, I’m too embarrassed about my size to join a gym. What’s the best way to get started when your confidence is low?”

- Brenda, 50 A: It’s strange how we seem able to be so kind towards others, but when it comes to ourselves, it’s often in such short supply. We’re often our own worst critics, never congratulating ourselves when we’ve done something well, instead focusing on our failures.

So let me congratulate you. Well done.

Loads of people have difficulty with their weight. You’re not alone—the majority of the adult population in the UK is classed as overweight so your struggle is incredibly common. But you—unlike many people—have decided you want to do something about it. First of all, try to remember that while you might be very selfconscious in the gym, no one else is going to be bothered.

Trust me, all those people with toned abs and 54 • OCTOBER 2018

sculpted bodies are far more interested in themselves to notice anyone else. Besides, remember that everyone has to start somewhere and a fair few of them will have been just like you, unsure and uncertain. If you’re really nervous about starting out in the gym, why not get a personal trainer for a few sessions to help you devise a plan.

Remember though, going to the gym is only part of weight loss—it’s far more important that you focus on your food. Why not consider paying for a few sessions with a private dietician to help you build confidence around changing your diet. You’ll find that at weight loss classes everyone is in the same boat as you. Some may have been going longer, but everyone will remember what it’s like to start off and they’ll give you lots of encouragement. Go for it, I know you can do it.

Got a health question for our resident doctor? Email it confidentially to askdrmax@ readersdigest.co.uk

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HEALTH

A Memory To Count On

Learning digits is difficult—which makes it a great way to train your brain, as our memory expert Jonathan Hancock explains

I

f you find it hard to remember alarm codes, hotel rooms, birthdays, PINs, don’t worry: it’s normal, because numbers are hard.

They’re abstract, confusing, often arbitrary, and you’ve got to get them exactly right. They’re essential to so many aspects of everyday life, but not really made to be memorable.

There are things you can do to boost your chances but first, you have to practise holding numbers in your short-term memory.

The first step is to make numbers easy to say aloud, activating your memory’s auditory loop. Do what many companies do when choosing their telephone numbers and chunk digits

into groups; use rhythm and make the most of patterns.

For example, 2 4 7 1 2 3 1 0 6 6 is easier to hold in your short-term memory if you chunk it as 2 4 7-1 2 3-1 0 6 6, and say “twenty-four seven; one, two, three; ten sixty-six.”

As you repeat the numbers aloud, also try to see them in your mind’s eye because hearing and seeing greatly improve recall. Could you even move your fingers as if you were dialling on a phone? Get muscles working in support of your mind.

From dates to barcodes, hold onto more of the numbers that come your way, even if it’s just for a few seconds, once or twice a day, to keep your memory flexible and fit.

THE CHALLENGE: TO PRACTISE HOLDING NUMBERS IN YOUR HEAD, STRENGTHENING SHORT-TERM MEMORY A: 283055 B: 4123771 C: 50187624 D: 331332747 E: 1918304050 F: 36510124683

The technique: choose the easiest way to read the numbers above aloud.

Then switch to saying them in your head. As well as hearing the numbers, see them in your mind, especially any significant digit groups. You could even move your fingers as if you were writing, adding extra layers to your learning.

The test: Put one of these numbers in your head, think about something else for a moment, then see if the original information is still within your grasp. Find out which short-term number-juggling strategies work best for you, and get used to the very healthy feeling of stretching the limits of your memory power.

56 • OCTOBER JULY 2018 2018

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THE

SWEET LIFE Sugar relationships seem to be on the rise. Seeking Arrangement, the leading sugar dating site, boasts over 1.5 million users in the UK. But how often do these relationships bloom from genuine romantic connection, rather than material desire?

Anna Walker investigates.

58

INSPIRE

W

hen he realises he’s fallen for Audrey Hepburn’s Holly Golightly, Paul Varjak of Breakfast At Tiffany’s asks his older lover if they can “end this stylishly”. He’s a sugar baby, and the older woman, his sugar mama, though they never use those terms—it’s far easier to call her his “decorator” instead. Today, the culture has changed. And so it is that I find myself in London’s exclusive Kensington district lunching with a group of sugar babies, sipping champagne and swapping secrets.

Sugar babies are young, beautiful men and women who date older, wealthy partners who reward them for their time, either through a monthly allowance, a payment per meeting or generous gifts and travel.

One girl, Abby*, who wears a crisp white shirt and has neatly cropped hair and piercings, is gesticulating enthusiastically, a selection of dainty finger sandwiches forgotten on the pristine plate before her. “I’ve travelled to several different places [with sugar daddies]: London and New York. I want to branch out into Scotland, Ireland and Amsterdam next because of my academia.”

All this international dating must be slightly exhausting, another, less experienced girl ponders. “I wouldn’t say it’s particularly emotionally difficult,” Abby muses. “It can be tricky when I’ve got 12 boyfriends in seven different countries but, you

know… someone’s got to do it!” The group dissolves into peals of giggles.

Abby strikes me as an inverted James Bond: international travel, a man in every city, the glamour of a five-star lifestyle and all in exchange for the simple thrill of her company. It’s an intoxicating concept.

Guys my age won’t spend money on a girl unless they’re in a relationship, but these men don’t care: They've got the money At Seeking Arrangement (seeking. com), the world’s leading sugar baby dating site, there are over 10 million profiles, split into what the site likes to call its 8 million “attractive members” (sugar babies) and 2 million “generous members” (sugar daddies and mamas). 1.5m of those profiles herald from the UK, with some 500,000 members joining in the past year alone.

In the fortnight I sign up to the site to research the scene, I’m approached by some 20 men, including a Buddhist who boasts that he “still has his own hair and teeth” (though they aren’t evident in his photographs), an elderly, masked man who professes an interest in being “treated like a slave”, and many thoroughly everyday men OCTOBER 2018 • 59

THE SWEET LIFE

I get a lot of satisfaction from spoiling women but I don't want to break up my marriage seeking simple romantic courtship: a privilege they’re willing to pay for.

The odds are in their favour—sugar babies outnumber daddies here four to one.

When I consult Dr Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and expert in the science of human attraction at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, she assures me that 60 • OCTOBER 2018

there’s really nothing new about these relationships.

“Historically, there have always been ‘camp followers’ and in just about every culture you find women who hang around men to get resources from them. Men have always been willing to pay for younger women and younger women have always been interested in taking the goods and services of older men.”

READER’S DIGEST

According to Dr Fisher, this experience is symptomatic of a larger societal shift away from early marriage and towards “slow love”.

“What we’re seeing is an extension of the courtship stage. Young women aren’t interested in marrying early and so during this long period of getting their career together and learning about themselves, they have time to be sugar babies.”

“Young women have always needed to get ahead,” she laughs, “and these days they’re not scared of pregnancy, they’re not scared of disease, and they don’t even have to walk the "walk of shame"—they’re not called hookers, harlots or even mistresses: they’re sugar babies.”

At 24, full-time model and blogger Shay has been dating sugar daddies for just over a year. “My ex-partner was older, and we always had fun and went to nice places. When we broke up, I left my career, moved back with my parents and really missed the lifestyle.”

“I don’t want to settle down yet and most [sugar daddies] are just looking for someone to have a nice time with. Guys my age won’t spend money on a girl unless they’re in a relationship, but these men don’t care. They’ve got the money, and they say, ‘Yeah OK, I’ll treat you to a nice holiday or five-star experience.’

It’s really nice.”

Shay is charming and intelligent

with a deep, smoky voice and it’s easy to see why a flush CEO might enjoy her company. She’s exactly the sort of woman self-professed sugar daddy Jay enjoys spoiling. A highflying Los Angeles tech executive in his mid-fifties, his marriage became strained when his wife lost interest in sex. They’re now in a platonic union— “for the kids”—and he moved onto sugar dating after finding his experiences with escorts lacking in intellectual connection.

He claims to have spent over $100,000 on one sugar baby, and typically dates around three girls at any one time, though the most he’s balanced is six.

“I get a lot of satisfaction from spoiling women,” Jay explains. “I enjoy giving them anything from job advice to a pair of Louboutins.”

“I don’t want to break up my marriage because we have a lot at stake and I’m very good friends with my wife. When I date outside of Seeking Arrangement, girls fall in love with me, and they want a relationship. Even when I’ve stated that it’s very casual and very nostrings-attached, women can still get very emotionally involved and that doesn’t work for me.”

I can't help but wonder whether romance can truly blossom when a relationship’s fundamental dynamic seems to manipulate a basic human need—our craving for love OCTOBER 2018 • 61

THE SWEET LIFE

62 • OCTOBER 2018

The prospect of young women being used by pimps in this way is deeply troubling and it’s uncomfortable to hear Jay speak of the meeting in terms of a fun flutter.

Because Seeking Arrangement—and many of its users—don’t class sugar dating as sex work, it’s hard to get a handle on how common such occurrences are.

Brook Urick, Seeking Arrangement’s spokesperson explains, “A lot of women get on the site assuming someone wants to give them money.

In reality it’s for finding a relationship with someone successful who may be able to support you but isn’t there to hand out cash. The misconception goes so far that people sometimes get scammed. Our people are watching for that kind of behaviour but if a lonely guy gets someone off the site…”

For Shay—who has travelled to Barbados, Portugal and Sweden with her sugar daddies—the disparity in wealth between millennials and older generations explains why these relationships are thriving. Indeed, as young people struggle with an average £50,800 in student debt** and are increasingly shut out of a brutal housing market, it’s easy to see why many seek alternative ways to earn.

“The lifestyle that girls want to be living nowadays just isn’t feasible.

You work 9-5, you don’t have time for yourself, you can’t pay for luxurious

**.BBC.CO.UK/NEWS/EDUCATION -40493658

and companionship. The daters I interview insist that romance—and even love—is possible within the sugar dynamic however, and it’s a view that Dr Fisher shares.

“I put people in brain scanners to study the brain in love and what we see is that the brain circuitry for romantic love is like the fear system—it can be triggered in an instant. This is particularly true when you have sex. With orgasm comes a flood of oxytocin and vasopressin that link with feelings of deep attachment, so sugar daddies and sugar babies can fall for each other.”

But with the giddy promise of romance comes the threat of manipulation. Despite considering himself a connoisseur of the sugar bowl (as those in the know refer to the dating pool), Jay recently fell victim to a scam.

“A girl reached out to me with a beautifully crafted email. She told me that to make sure people are serious, she always asks for a cash gift for an initial meet up. I’m not opposed to that, but I was cautious, my gut told me something was wrong.”

“When she showed up, she was a strung-out drug addict. I realised that she had a pimp writing emails for her and within five minutes I told her, ‘You don’t look like your pictures, you’re clearly not capable of writing those emails, here’s your $100’ and I just walked away. I took a calculated risk and I lost.”

READER’S DIGEST

Living in East London when would I meet people with this life experience?

CEOs aren't going to be in Dalston holidays. You’ve got to save, save, save if you want something, or you’ve got to get it on finance. Before doing this, I was in debt, but now half of it has been reduced.”

I hear several stories of girls using sugar dating as a networking tool— Jay estimates that half the women he dates are seeking mentors. Over dessert in Kensington, a striking Kiwi with peroxide, buzzcut hair

reveals that she’s been using the site to meet men who can help her budding business. “I want to take all the advice I can get,” she explains.

“Living in East London, when would I ever meet people with this life experience? CEOs aren’t going to be in Dalston.”

Shay too has used her dates to build business acumen. “I started my own online clothing business OCTOBER 2018 • 63

THE SWEET LIFE

It's my hobby! Some guys play golf, some guys sail… I sugar date.

It keeps me young and I got advice [from daddies]. One even put me in touch with one of his designers who designed my website for me.”

Everyone I meet has a strong stance on one question in particular—is sugar dating—sex work? According to relationship expert and life coach Ben Edwards, “As long as money or gifts are exchanging hands it’s a 64 • OCTOBER 2018

transaction. You have to wonder, even if they have got a connection, whether they would still be there if they weren’t getting the financial compensation. And if not, then what’s the difference between that and prostitution?”

Dr Anna Machin, evolutionary anthropologist at the University of Oxford, takes a different stance. “At the most fundamental evolutionary

*** ONE VOI CE: S HA PIN G OUR AGEI NG SOC IETY, AGE CONC ERN AND H ELP THE AG E D, 2009

READER’S DIGEST

level they represent a good match.

The human dating market is like the stock market, we all have a ‘mate value’ based on the likelihood that we’ll be reproductively successful.

A sugar daddy and sugar baby have the same high mate value. The man’s because he is high in resources and the woman’s because she is young and attractive and thus likely to be fertile. If there’s an attraction and the solid foundations of a successful relationship—compatible attachment styles, shared values, compatible personalities—then they can be as successful as any other.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the overwhelming consensus within the sugar bowl is that these relationships don’t amount to prostitution. Sugar daddy Jay insists, “Prostitution is very different, this is mutual. Any woman who wants to go to bed on the first date is a red flag for me. I want to date her and court her and make sure it’s the right fit for us both.”

Shay shares his frustration.

Although she does sleep with her sugar daddies if she feels a connection, she insists she feels no obligation. “There’s a misconception that women are subjecting themselves to older men for money. I have to tell people, ‘it’s not prostitution, it’s not selling sex’. It’s got nothing to do with an older pervy man and younger girl.

For me, it’s about connection and companionship. I’ll be out with a

sugar daddy and you can just see the looks. I hope that one day the taboo goes away.”

In a society in which over 1 million people aged 65+ admit to feeling lonely*** and younger generations are struggling more and more to make ends meet, it seems—for

Sugar dating has nothing to do with an older pervy man and younger girl. It's more about connection and companionship. I hope one day the taboo goes away better or for worse—sugar dating has become a way of answering these intergenerational needs.

When I ask Jay—who has been sugar dating for eight years and met “scores of women”—if there might be something addictive about the sugar lifestyle, he laughs. “It’s my hobby!

Some guys play golf, some guys sail…

I sugar date.”

“It keeps me young and engaged in what’s going on with more than just my own generation. I just took a girl to Miami and we went to all the hottest clubs. It might kill me, but I’m having fun doing it!” * Some names have been changed to protect privacy OCTOBER 2018 • 65

Artist Ant Carver painting on the final day of UpFest; (right) Banksy's The Girl With the Stick

Best of British

Art

Not all great art is confined to galleries. These cool cities are taking creativity to the streets…

BY ANNA WALKER

| 02•20172018 8 • OCTOBER 66

PHOTO/ILLUSTRATION CREDIT

PHOTO/ILLUSTRATION CREDI T

STREET

INSPIRE

PHOTO/ILLUSTRATION CREDI T

Bristol When most of us think about street art, one name inevitably springs to mind: Banksy. So, where better to take in some of Britain’s best street art than the home of the man himself?

Emerging from the Bristol Underground Scene of the 1990s, the anonymous Banksy’s work has a distinct stencil style and often carries politically charged or darkly humorous messages.

Visitors hoping to catch a glimpse of Banksy’s work have plenty of opportunity, with 16 of his artworks scattered across the city. Our personal favourite is The Girl With the Stick, stealthily painted on the wall of Bridge Farm Primary School in 2016 after a school house was named after the artist.

Be sure to visit during the Upfest Urban Paint Festival—which welcomed some 50,000 visitors in July—for a flavour of the other street artists decorating Bristol’s walls.

Held along North Street in Bedminster, it’s Europe’s biggest free street art and graffiti festival showcasing work from over 70 artists.

OCTOBER 2018 • 67

BEST OF BRITISH

Shoreditch, London London’s hipster capital, Shoreditch, boasts several magnificent works by artists from all corners of the globe.

So extensive is the selection of street art on show here that several companies now offer guided graffiti tours of the area.

Check out Great Eastern Street where graffiti-covered tube trains watch over the streets below from the rooftops, constantly-changing murals

68 • OCTOBER 2018

line the road and huge lettering spells out the sweet message, “Let Us Adore And Endure Each Other”.

Globally renowned artist Stik’s work—which now peppers the entire city—is perhaps at its best in Shoreditch. Visit Princelet Street to see his iconic red shutter doors then take the short, five-minute walk to Brick Lane for delicious street food as you admire the ever-changing murals of Pedley Street.

WALT JABS CO / I LOVES THE 'DI FF/ FLICKR

Cardiff Cardiff’s colourful streets are defined by the illustrative quality of the street art that graces their buildings, walls and car parks.

Thanks to the Empty Walls project in 2014, many public murals now dot the city, including pieces by Phlegm, an internationally renowned Welsh artist known for his narrativedriven murals.

His giant rendering of a Welsh dragon (above) presides over a nondescript garage on City Road while his beastly skeletal creature curls itself ominously around Cardiff Central train station.

One particularly inventive artwork stretches across the Crwys Road railway bridge (right) depicting a

parade of prehistoric animals, evolving from fish and dinosaurs through to kangaroos, apes and armadillos. Known as The False Evolution of Man, the piece was created by Wendy Bridges and Stuart Reeve back in 2015.

OCTOBER 2018 • 69

It’s known as the grey “Granite City”, but since the introduction of the Nuart Street Art Festival in 2017, Aberdeen has been flecked with colour.

Street Art is given a three-dimensional twist off of Union Row where a huge horse portrait (above) has been constructed from brightly coloured recycled plastics by Portuguese artist Bordalo II. His art is centred around a mission to create beauty from waste, with the motto, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

One of the city’s most spectacular pieces was inspired by the sometimes-uncomfortable union between England and Scotland— Argentinian artist Hyuro’s An Affective Bond (right). Find it in the East Green Tunnels, a passage popular with graffiti artists that leads through to Netherkirkgate, one of the city’s most ancient streets.

70 • OCTOBER 2018

IAIN CAMERON / FLICKR

Aberdeen

READER’S DIGEST

Newcastle One of our favourite British street artists, Faunagraphic, creates graffiti art inspired by her love of nature and birds. Head to Arch 4, Stepney Bank to take in her magnificent owl mural bearing the inscription, “An ancient place of lead and stone and steel and scrap, sluice gates water, tunnels, mud, children, artists, beasts and birds, where future grows and shakes its wings.”

CATBYTHESTOVE / WA RREN WOODHOUSE / FLI CKR

Way back in 2006, Newcastle’s Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art held one of the UK’s first major street art exhibitions, and the city has been paving the way for great graffiti since.

There are beautiful Geisha murals from renowned, Newcastle-born artist Hush, a huge blue mural from the famous London Police (below) at The Ship Inn, and several pieces by the elusive guerrilla artist Karl Striker.

OCTOBER 2018 • 71

BEST OF BRITISH

No two trips to Manchester’s Northern Quarter are quite the same, thanks to the rapidity with which its walls are spray painted with beautiful images, words and colours, painted over and then decorated anew.

For the most jaw-dropping art, be sure to stop in at Stevenson Square, maintained by local graffiti collective OuthouseMCR, Tariff Street where a huge, finely-detailed piece in the guise of a giant blue diamond by Swiss duo Nevercrew (below) looms over the streets and Tib Street where every other wall offers up its bricks to a splash of creativity.

Wherever you wander, expect to encounter bee designs: it’s the city’s symbol and an emblem for solidarity for its residents. One of the biggest bee homages can be found on Oldham Street, where a mural by artist Qubek featuring 22 bees swarming around a honey heart acts as a memorial to the 22 people who lost their lives during the Manchester Arena bombing in 2017.

72 • OCTOBER 2018

VIV LYNCH / N EVERC REW (WWW.NEVERCREW.COM) / LAWRENCE / F LICKR

Manchester

MARK STEVENSON / LAWRENC E / FLICKR

Leeds Kick-started by 2016’s A City Less Grey project—which endeavoured to subvert the city’s grey walls with street art, installations and events— graffiti is now an inseparable part of Leeds’s cultural fabric.

The Platform Building is a mustsee for street art seekers, where gigantic owls seem to swoop down from the rooftops in a piece entitled

Athena Rising (left). At 154ft tall and 36ft wide—that’s taller than Brazil’s Christ the Redeemer statue—the mural is Britain’s tallest work of street art and it took weeks of work and hundreds of cans of spray paint to complete.

It’s also worth paying a visit to the now-derelict Lyon Works’ building on Templar Lane, where local artists and students from Leeds College of Art have filled the boarded windows with giant hand-painted letters spelling out the inspiring Einstein quote, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, design for tomorrow.”

Do you have a favourite piece of British Street Art? Email us about it at readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk OCTOBER 2018 • 73

JOIN US FOR THE UNMISSABLE SEASON OPENING

starring

ashes to ashes the pres and an officer

directed by jamie lloyd and lia williams

sher

maggie steed

6 SEP – 20 OCT

I am extremely proud to present this unprecedented season of Harold Pinter’s one-act plays on the 10th anniversary of his death, opening with a collection of his most political works, and continuing with two comedic masterpieces.

Together with a world-class cast, many of whom were Harold’s friends and collaborators, we’ll present all twenty of his short works in repertoire. They have never been performed together in a season of this kind.

Our extraordinary company includes Keith Allen, Jessica Barden, Ron Cook, Phil Davies, Danny Dyer, Paapa Essiedu, Lee Evans, Martin Freeman, Rupert Graves, Tamsin Greig, Jane Horrocks, Celia Imrie, Gary Kemp, John Macmillan, Emma Naomi, Tracy-Ann Oberman, Kate O’Flynn, Jonjo O’Neill, Abraham Popoola, Antony Sher, John Simm, Hayley Squires, Maggie Steed, David Suchet, Meera Syal, Luke Thallon, Russell Tovey, Penelope Wilton and Nicholas Woodeson, with further

starring

john macmillan hayley squires david suchet russell tovey

by harold pinter

the lover the collection

directed by jamie lloyd

13 SEP – 20 OCT

casting to follow. Alongside myself, direction is by Patrick Marber, Ed Stambollouian, Lyndsey Turner and Lia Williams, with my regular collaborator Soutra Gilmour overseeing an exceptional season design.

Alongside famous pieces such as A Kind of Alaska, One for the Road, The Dumb Waiter, Moonlight, The Lover and The Collection, there’s a unique chance to discover Pinter rarities such as his very first play, The Room, the funny oddity, Night School, and his final hilarious play, Celebration. Special rehearsed readings of Tea Party, The Basement and Silence will complete the season.

We hope you’ll join us for this unforgettable celebration, and find that Harold’s words feel as fascinatingly rich, witty and resonant as ever.

Jamie Lloyd

Harold Pinter Theatre London SW1Y 4DN

BOOK WITH READER’S DIGEST TICKETS TICKETS.READERSDIGEST.CO.UK | 020 7400 1238

Image by Cecil Beaton © National Portrait Gallery, London

one for the road the new world order mountain language

by harold pinter

paapa essiedu kate o’flynn jonjo o’neill antony

ARCHIVE

From Our Archive JULY 1955

THE JOYFUL GARDENER

By Agnes Rothery

‘‘T

hose who have experienced the joy of gardening know that there’s no joy which precisely parallels it. One of the mainsprings of a happy life—always looking forward to the future—is generously accorded the gardener. Nor does it diminish as he grows older.

I once journeyed to the funeral of a friend, and, arriving a few hours before the services, went into her garden. For a long time, she’d known that she would not recover from her illness, but the last morning she’d been able to be outdoors she had trimmed and reshaped a recently planted evergreen shrub. It was spreading its branches now against the wall, neat and glossy and growing symmetrically as she had intended. My friend knew she would never see this lovely tracery covering the wall, but she acknowledged the persistence of life and, as I stood before the work of her hands, I acknowledged it too.

This belief in the future, which gives quietness to the mind and buoyancy

to the body explains, I think, the astonishing vigour with which the aged often apply themselves to garden tasks. For while they are thus occupied, they aren’t conscious of being old or young but only of being part of surging, growing life. Flowers bud, open, wither, fall. They draw in nourishment from earth, air, water, sun. They attract birds and bees, are pollinated, make seed, scatter it, in a cycle as irresistible and synchronised as the movements of the stars and planets. They are part of the rhythm of life just as we are part of it and they accompany us through every mood.

This is the blessing which belongs to those who work in their own gardens. Thus, it is that every true gardener is forever a beginner and always confident about the future that lightens the way like a flame. And thus it is also true, that the gardener, from his first awkward essay with the spade to his last expert pruning of an evergreen, is conscious—with deepest gratitude—that he is blessed.

’’

OCTOBER 2018 • 75

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Actress Jenny Agutter OBE, 65, is known for her roles in The Railway Children, Call the Midwife and Logan’s Run

IF I RULED THE WORLD

Jenny Agutter I’d have various counsellors. The whole premise of my world would be that of shared responsibility. I’d have counsellors like Sir David Attenborough, who has created such empathy for the world we live in through his programmes.

ourselves, as opposed to relying on the community we’re living in. My husband and I visited Tobago and one thing we’ve noticed is that every town has a harvest festival. The people in each village gather to celebrate and have a meal—it’s all about sharing.

I would get back to real communities. Communities have become very disparate. We seem to be ruled by a centre that’s outside

I would get rid of exams. Exams are solitary things that test how much you know but the point of school would be problem-solving and working with

78 • OCTOBER 2018

INSPIRE

other children. So many kids come out of school with masses of information but don’t know what they want to do or what they really enjoy.

I’d prioritise studying music, drama, and sport. When children work together in drama, they’re not only studying the literature, they’re looking at emotions and learning how to communicate. That also happens in music because if you’re learning an instrument, you learn to play with other people.

I would eradicate homelessness.

Families can break down for all sorts of reasons. Whatever it is, sometimes people just need support from people outside, which is why I work for Action for Children. The youth homelessness project works with homeless young people and we help them through the things that family normally would such as form filling and getting a job.

We’ve got to make the NHS work.

We’re hugely privileged to have it and we’ve got to pay whatever taxes required to ensure the money is there.

Educators and health workers should be celebrated and paid the most in our society, because we need them.

I would open up places of worship.

Places of worship should be used by people who have faith, but they should also be open to the community and become centres of thought.

Instead of saying, “this is our religion and it’s separate from everybody else,” they would invite other people and denominations in so that people can understand each other better.

Schools would invite older people in.

The children’s parents would collect older people who live alone and take them to big tea parties. Then the children could ask them about things.

It’s important for the elderly not to be left on the edges of society and it’s nice to be celebrated when you come to the end of your life.

I’d arrange more for young people to do. When I was young, there were clubs, dances and sports events but [now] people are disengaged. I’d love to bring back the idea of the community centre so kids are able to do other things aside from being on the streets.

I would reverse the trend for smart phones. I wish when they were developed it had been made very clear that “this is an adult toy”.

As told to Joy Persaud

Jenny Agutter is helping Action for Children support vulnerable young people at risk of homelessness. If you can help too, text BYTE18 £5 (or the amount you wish to donate) to 70070. For more information visit bytenight.org.uk OCTOBER 2018 • 79

INSPIRE

The Real-Life

Time

Travellers They may seem like ordinary people by day but in their spare time, these office, shop and school workers bring history to life…

BY JO C A R LOW E

80 • OCTOBER 2018

T H E R E A L - L I F E T I M E T R AV E L L E R S

D

uring the week they work in shops, offices, clinics and schools, but at weekends they transform into Vikings, Romans and Medieval peasants. The world of re-enactment is burgeoning with more and more men and women taking up the hobby of travelling to bygone times.

Here, three living history enthusiasts reveal how it’s done:

FACTORY MANAGER OF A BUSY PRINTERS, BRETT FREEMAN, 46, FROM NOTTINGHAM, MORPHS INTO "PADMORE," A VICTORIAN STREET-SELLER PEDDLING STATIONERY.

His teeth blackened with theatrical stain, in top hat and frock coat, Brett looks every bit his Victorian alter-ego.

Already a veteran of military re-enactments, Brett joined the "Ragged Victorians" when middleage kicked in.

“I was too old to portray a soldier but I wanted to get back into the hobby and the Ragged Victorians looked the best in terms of authenticity.”

At his first event, group members gave him "loaner gear" and a year to research his character, equip himself with an outfit and essential props.

Seeking inspiration, Brett dipped into the works of Victorian journalist, 82 • OCTOBER 2018

Henry Mayhew, who wrote about the working people of London.

“My character is inspired by the description of a stationer in Mayhew’s London Labour and London Poor. I mixed that up with my own background in print, and local historical sources to create street stationer, Padmore, which is the name of my Victorian greatgreat grandfather.”

Padmore’s stationery box contains period and reproduction items such as pens, ink wells, and sealing wax. Brett reproduced his outfit using period patterns, the correct fabrics and sewing techniques, employing a cheese grater to create wear and tear, shoe polish for dirt, and Vaseline for grease.

“Getting into kit helps immensely and once you are in the public area you try to remain in character wherever possible.”

Events take place a few times a month. A regular haunt is SS Great Britain with the group taking over steerage cabins and lining the quayside.

“All modern trappings are banned. Even tattoos must be

READER’S DIGEST

Normal life can seem very dull after a particularly good weekend

hidden and any piercings or jewellery removed.” For extra authenticity, Brett smatters his language with Victorian selling patter, replacing the word "envelope" with the archaic "hangflups."

His partner Gail, and eldest son, Louis, are supportive of Brett’s "eccentricities" but not involved.

Youngest son, Byron, 15, however, plays a Victorian street rogue.

“Re-enacting is great fun, but we’re always glad of a hot shower and a comfy bed at the end of the weekend,” says Brett. “Normal life can seem very dull after a particularly good weekend.

It would be wonderful to go back in time for a visit, but studying the period as I have done, makes you realise just how hard life was for our ancestors.” raggedvictorians.co.uk

T H E R E A L - L I F E T I M E T R AV E L L E R S

JULIA ROWLAND, 34, FROM SOUTHENDON-SEA, VISITS SCHOOLS TO TALK ABOUT HISTORY, BUT AT WEEKENDS SHE GOES BACK IN TIME…

“We call it Post Re-enactment Distress Disorder,” says Julia, describing the deflated feeling she gets having spent the weekend as a Second World War Land Girl.

“The weekends are so lovely, the values of that era are so strong that modern living feels rather mercenary and soulless in comparison.”

Formerly a gardener, Julia helps bring history to life as a member of a Second World War re-enactment group, "The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Conduct," (named after a secret branch of the Special Operations Executive).

She oscillates between playing a Land Girl and a "Lumber Jill"—the name given to workers in the Women’s Timber Corp (WTC)—a specialist force tasked with felling trees for the war effort.

“I use the role to raise awareness of what women achieved, and to show, that despite not being on the front lines, their contribution was valid and necessary,” Julia explains. “I’m lucky enough to be from Essex where a lot of 84 • OCTOBER 2018

the WLA were trained at Writtle College in Chelmsford, so I have some local information.”

Authenticity is key, and Julia’s character carries a period make-up compact and a ration book as well as a cigarette case “filled with sweets,” (she doesn’t smoke).

“Just getting into the outfit makes a massive difference, especially for me, as I have to wear make-up and put my hair in rollers—I’m not normally that kind of girl, preferring a natural look.”

The experience feels all the more real due to the re-enactors sticking to the food of the time and adhering to rationing.

“I’ve cooked sausages in cider with onions and tinned peas in a hay box with a side of mash (sausages weren’t rationed until 1942). Lunches are

READER’S DIGEST

The weekends are so lovely, the values of that era are so strong that modern living feels rather mercenary and soulless in comparison

tinned meats or bully beef. Preserves and chutneys go down a treat with these. Rationing makes you creative—we’ve used recipes for ersatz devilled eggs with the yolk made from grated carrots, and the white from mashed potatoes.”

Julia’s husband, Alex, plays an Essex Regiment Infanteer, and her step-son Ulrich, 12, an evacuee—representing the many thousands of children who were sent to the countryside for safety.

“If I could choose, I would rather live back in a time where you worked hard but cared for each other than working hard and getting nowhere,” says Julia. “I know it wasn’t all "Blitz spirit," but reading through so many memories that aren’t rose-tinted, hasn’t changed my mind. I’ve always felt like I’m in the wrong era. The Second World War, Vikings, or even Mesolithic period would suit me fine!”

For information contact Julia at: tessa1603@yahoo.co.uk OCTOBER 2018 • 85

T H E R E A L - L I F E T I M E T R AV E L L E R S

CHRIS FELTON, 58, FROM SHEFFIELD, MANAGES IT SYSTEMS FOR THE DEPARTMENT FOR WORK AND PENSIONS, BUT ON WEEKENDS HE’S A MEDIEVAL BARBER-SURGEON…

“My 13th-century character, 'Giles Fitzroy, le Comte de Falaise', was an arrogant so-and-so because that was the easiest way to overcome my initial stage-fright,” explains Chris, who joined re-enactment group the Knights in Battle Medieval Society (KIBS) in 1984.

When he first started, other members trained him in combat and taught him about the history and costumes.

“We have a strict policy that things must look right, so visible seams must be hand-stitched, but invisible ones can be machined. All fabrics must be authentic or of such quality that you can’t tell there is a manmade element. Our primary bible is a very well-researched volume called The Medieval Tailors’ Assistant.

During events, modern trappings are kept out of sight. “We don't eat modern food in sight of the public.

Indeed, there is a whole sub-culture of authentic food. Some members are very knowledgeable and base 86 • OCTOBER 2018

recipes on cookbooks of the time.

Tents with modern kit are kept closed, only fully authentic ones are open for the public to see inside.”

Chris loved his combative role as the audacious Giles Fitzroy, but sadly arthritic hands put paid to this.

“It was hard to accept because it had been the centre of my life for 30 years.”

Fortunately, there were other roles to fill: Lords, Ladies, monks, nuns, merchants, farmers, peasants and undesirables. Having hung up his sword, Chris became "John Barber," clad in doublet and hose, a coat, and fine hat, complete with the tools of his trade: amputation knives and saws, cauterising irons, shears for nose and ear hairs. During events he dons a leather apron before demonstrating a series of grisly procedures.

“Arrow extraction is the noisiest.

The moment where the hot irons sizzle into flesh is the climax (we use a bit of pork-fat for the noise, steam, and smell).”

Chris participates in around 20 events a year. His girlfriend, Saxon, is also a member. “She’s now a grandmother so has less time.

One of my finest memories is of her fighting me with sword and

READER’S DIGEST

We don't eat modern food in sight of the public. Indeed, there is a whole sub-culture of authentic food

buckler in the aisles of Beverley Minster—the look on her face as she took me down!”

On weekdays, it’s back to work as normal. “They're separate worlds. As a civil servant it’s my role to explain how to make IT accessible to people

with disabilities. As a barber-surgeon I explain how to make people better, and, knowing what I do about medieval healthcare, I wouldn’t really go back in time.” knightsinbattle.com OCTOBER 2018 • 87

HEALTH

7

Things I Learned As A

Health Tourist Having spent three days in Bulgaria, been seen by seven doctors and undergone six medical examinations, Eva Mackevic reveals what it’s really like to travel abroad for treatment

I

f you’ve ever encountered horror stories about infected wounds, lost dental implants or botched nose jobs on forums like mumsnet.com, medical tourism may seem like a plunge into a nightmarish Louis Theroux documentary-like scenario.

Yet with NHS waiting times verging on the brink of comical and private healthcare prices reaching astronomical heights, it’s no surprise so many of us are actually considering it. Curious to find out how it works for myself, I travelled to Bulgaria’s capital, Sofia, for an

88 • OCTOBER 2018

extensive health check-up. Here are the seven things I learned…

The language barrier… is probably one of the first things that’ll cross your mind when considering medical tourism—it’s sometimes hard enough to find the right words to explain something to a doctor in English, let alone a language you don’t speak a word of, in a country you’ve never been to before.

And yet, while some miscommunication is inevitable, it was never an issue during my trip. In fact, it proved to be a joyous 1

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Through vibrant gesturing, we arrived at an understanding that there was something unwanted in my abdomen source of unexpected comedy on numerous occasions.

First and foremost, don’t panic.

Medical travel companies such as BMT Partner appoint a person who accompanies you during each doctor’s visit and assists you with anything you might need, including translation services. In my case, that person was an eagle-eyed but pleasant Bulgarian lady named Vesselina, who speedily and expertly translated every bit of information relayed to me by

90

the doctors (even casual chit chat between themselves, addressing everything from the weather, to the recent marriage of the nurse’s friend’s brother’s co-worker) making sure that every fragment of conversation was crystal clear to me.

Similarly, any medical records and test results were translated to English within hours of the procedures and presented to me straight away.

2 Leave enough time. Some doctors were more confident about their English skills than others. As Vesselina and I were about to step into an internist's office, she cheekily stopped the interpreter at the door, insisting that she was perfectly capable of handling our conversation without any help. I loved this little display of bravado.

As she was examining my torso with an ultrasound, she suddenly paused over the right side of my ribs. “Breathe in again?” she asked, and I obediently

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followed. And then again. And again.

The doctor stared into the screen with serious concentration. When she started explaining her concern, it suddenly dawned on me that her English might not be as up to scratch as she claimed in the first place.

Through vibrant gesturing and awkward attempts at charades, we finally arrived at an understanding that there was something unwanted in my abdomen. Great, I thought, the beginning of the end. But what was it exactly? We turned to technology for help, and after a few moments of heated googling, we concluded that I had gallstones. A bit surprising since I’ve never experienced any pain, and my cholesterol levels—a frequent reason for these pesky intruders— were normal, according to the blood tests done earlier. The internist seemed unphased. “When are you leaving?” she asked. “Tomorrow,” I replied, prompting her to glance at her watch and say, “We can get you

"The types of clinics I visited were as varied as the people I met"

on the operating table in a couple of hours,” as casually as if she was offering to give me a manicure.

After quickly weighing my options, I declined a same-day gallstones removal, opting instead to get a second opinion back home. The doctor warned me, “They will grow bigger and block the ducts—it’s very painful.” It was tempting to get it sorted there and then, but the prospect of travelling home right after surgery was overwhelming. If you find yourself going abroad for treatment, make sure you give yourself enough time to resolve any possible outcome.

If, once your tests and scans are completed, any of the results come back as abnormal, you’ll want to see a specialist who can refer you for further treatment, so it’s best to allow at least three extra days for any potential further treatment.

3 Speed and efficiency... were a constant during my trip. Bouncing

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Hospital director, Dr Dimanov

back and forth between doctors and dentists, I felt like I was on a long medical conveyor belt, getting examined and patched up by specialist after specialist with clockwork proficiency. “Here in Bulgaria we have the quickest access to doctors—any kind of doctors. If you have a headache, you may see your neurologist within two or three hours.

Our approach is the quickest in Europe,” I was told by Dr Dimanov, the 92 • OCTOBER 2018

no-nonsense but goodhumoured hospital director.

Considering that the average waiting time for treatment within the NHS is up to 18 weeks,* it’s not surprising that the number of British citizens seeking treatment abroad grows higher every year.

And, as I was told with a hint of bombast (a surprisingly common quality here) by Dr Dimanov, they frequently perform surgeries that are not widely practised in the UK, such as the anterior approach hip replacement— where an incision is made on the front of the hip rather than the side or back. “The anterior approach is the most modern approach for hip replacement surgery. It’s only practised by two per cent of doctors in the UK because it’s so difficult to do. There’s a huge waiting list for it,” explained Dr Dimanov.

4 Culture clash. I asked Dr Dimanov if the way they deal with UK patients is any different from Bulgarians, citing the subtle differences in culture between the two nations, expecting him to give me a zealous, affirmative answer filled with funny anecdotes about awkward encounters. Looking somewhat baffled, as if wondering why I’d ask such an arbitrary

ENGLA ND.NHS.UK/STATISTICS/STATI STICAL-WORK-A REAS /RTT-WAITI NG-TIME S/ RTT- DATA- 201 8-1 9/

H E A LT H T O U R I S M

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question, he replied, “It’s no problem. off the conductive gel—and we were Our doctors speak English, so done. As I was leaving, however, he everything’s OK.” Short and to-therewarded me with quickest flash of a point. This humorous exchange itself friendly smile, muttering, “Sorry, my was the perfect illustration of what I English is not very good.” meant by my question.

5 Facilities. The standards and types If there’s one thing I learned about Bulgarian doctors, it’s that they don’t of clinics I visited turned out to be as waste time on social pleasantries. varied as the people I met. While Unlike their British counterparts— some places still bear strong soft-spoken, easing their patients into evidence of Bulgaria’s communist the simplest of procedures—they’re past (I was presented with a sharpiedirect and matter-ofsigned plastic water fact, a trait which upon cooler cup for my urine first encounter might sample at the hospital), If there's one even be interpreted others are uber as rudeness. thing I learned glamorous, such as the Later that day, it about Bulgarian sleek dental clinic I was time for my ECG visited the next day. doctors, it's that Visitors are required to scan. As I lay on the they don't waste don shoe covers upon examination table, I made clumsy attempts entry and there’s shiny, time on at chummy small talk beige marble pleasantries with the cardiologist, everywhere you turn. trying to distract my I found that the brain from predicting the impending extreme self-confidence that defined results of the neglected tachycardia I Dr Dimanov’s attitude towards was diagnosed with as a child. medical treatment was echoed here Yet my charmingly gruff, stocky at the dental practice as I chatted cardiologist with a slightly resigned to the oral surgeon, Dr Uzunov. expression, was having none of it.

“We have days when we place eight Swiftly clamping the cold metal implants a day and we never have electrodes onto my ankles and arms, any complications,” he tells me. As he instructed me to stay still with we chat in more detail about some a few wordless motions, vigorously of his recent dental implant cases, adjusting my awkwardly flailing he turns out to be something of a limbs into place. Once the reading miracle worker, performing surgeries was done, he nonchalantly threw a that other doctors simply refuse to do. few paper towels on my chest to wipe “We had a really difficult case with a OCTOBER 2018 • 93

H E A LT H T O U R I S M

meals in great restaurants, read books British patient who had a horizontally I’d been putting off finishing for retained tooth in the lower jaw, which months, went on long walks down the was just one millimetre above the sun-drenched streets of Sofia, taking channel so I was really afraid not respite from the heat in cool, spacious to damage the nerve. But we were Orthodox churches. My bit was done extremely careful and we managed to and I naturally slipped into an oddly remove the tooth successfully.” soothing “come what may” attitude.

The before-and-after pictures of Somehow, the medical aspect some of the case studies are almost enhances the tourist experience— too good to be true. Patients who you’re suddenly more alert and in come to the clinic with virtually no the moment, contemplating how teeth, return home with a beautiful lucky you are just to set of pearly whites in be exploring this part just ten days. of world in the first After my chat with Dr The medical place. The uncertainty Uzunov, I had my teeth of the forthcoming whitened, which, while aspect really test results serves as a not the most flattering enhances potent reminder that procedure in the world the tourist you never really know (imagine having your experience— what waits around the mouth stretched by a retractor the size of a you're suddenly corner in life. With that hefty grown man’s fist more alert and notion in the back of your mind, you begin for two hours), was in the moment to appreciate the small smooth and mostly things and live each painless, leaving me moment to the fullest. Revelations with a set of fresh-looking gnashers like these don’t usually occur on a and a thorough after-care pamphlet regular family holiday, when you’re in English (coffee from a straw and no busy rushing from place to place, red wine for two weeks). looking after your kids or posting 6 Healing for the mind as well as the pictures on Instagram. body. There’s a peculiar bi-product 7 A friendly face. On the other hand, to travelling to a foreign country solo to seek medical treatment.

I was never really alone in Sofia.

A strange feeling of liberation and Vesselina, my diligent companion, peace set in once all my medical tests was by my side whenever I needed were done and all I had to do was her. From interpreting during the wait for the results. I enjoyed solitary doctor’s visits, to showing me around 94 • OCTOBER 2018

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Sofia, Bulgaria

the city, she was caring, kind and genuinely keen on making my stay as stress-free and enjoyable as possible.

We’re at our most vulnerable when we’re ill, so having someone to look after you throughout the trip builds an instantly sincere relationship between two strangers: something Vesselina cares about deeply. That's why she’s always there, at the ready, whether her clients need translating, a bit of reassurance or just a pair of hospital slippers.

“I’ve been a patient in a foreign country myself, so I know what people need. I know what it means to be sick, and what you need in critical moments in your life. I try to support people emotionally during the process because the psychological aspect of the process is just as important as the medical one,” she told me. It’s such a visceral reminder that we’re all just human, united by our need for understanding and someone to just lend a friendly ear.

Bulgaria Medical Travel Partner is a medical tourism facilitator that acts in the territory of Bulgaria and offers fixed price medical services.

For more information on servives and price list, visit bmtpartner.co.uk/services +44 20 3778 0379 , info@bmtpartner.co.uk OCTOBER 2018 • 95

My Great Escape:

Idyllic Istanbul Atika Firasat from Cambridgeshire discovers the treasures of Turkey’s most populous city

T

his summer I finally came face-to-face with Istanbul, the city of my holiday dreams.

We’d been trying to meet each other for years. When you’ve waited for something this long, you want to savour and soak in every sight, smell and sound—and that’s what I did.

Istanbul’s awe-inspiring surroundings and marvellous architecture make you feel as though you’re in a trance. No matter, the city still moves around you, at its fast pace, as madly as ever.

For art, history and architecture lovers, Istanbul boasts mosques, churches, palaces, courtyards, squares, monuments and museums.

As a first time traveller, Sultanahmet is the place to be. We started our trip from the magical surroundings of the Blue Mosque. After drooling over its architecture in travel magazines and stalking local photographers on Instagram, I can only say that no pictures or words do justice to the feeling of awe, peace and magic when you experience its blue Iznik

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tiled interiors and six minaret exterior for the first time. The beauty here lies in simplicity.

While you’re in Sultanahmet, don’t miss the Hagia Sophia—the best of Byzantine and Ottoman architecture.

Queue the Istanbulite way, which is to buy a simit or Turkish bagel from one of the many vendors selling them in the square and munch while you wait.

I’m a sucker for food markets so to not visit Istanbul’s Grand and Spice Bazaars would’ve been nothing short of a crime! These divine markets sell everything from Turkish saffron, the iconic Turkish delight, exotic spices and varieties of tea to ceramic works, rugs, lamps and gold. But beware— they are human hoovers and keep sucking you in as you wander around. And when they eject you out, some unknown force will find you many Turkish Liras short and several shopping bags richer.

Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it we’ll pay £50.

Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE

View to Haghia Sophia and Sultan Ahmed Mosque

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CITY LIFE FOR BARGAIN-HUNTERS: LVIV

Now served by four-weekly Wizz Air services from Luton, Ukraine’s westernmost city has Viennese architecture, cobbled streets and plenty of greenery. It’s also absurdly cheap. Regent has packages (regent-holidays.co.uk).

FOR STEP-COUNTERS: BOSTON

Over in Boston—especially lovely in autumn—a Hotel Commonwealth package rewards walking. Tread 10,000 steps a day and your stay will be discounted by ten per cent; register 20,000, and it’s 20 per cent off (hotelcommonwealth.com).

FOR SIGHTSEERS: ROME

TripAdvisor’s new “Waking up the Vatican” guided tour lets visitors access the Pope’s home before opening time. Dodging four-hour queues, you’ll join the clavigero (key holder) as he unlocks the doors to the Sistine Chapel (tripadvisor.co.uk).

FOR GALLERY-GOERS: VIENNA

2019 marks the 450th anniversary of Pieter Bruegel the Elder’s death.

Only 40 of the Dutch painter’s works survive—and many of them will exhibit at the Kunsthistorisches Museum from October 2 to January 13 (khm.at).

FOR TAN-TOPPERS: MARRAKECH

Missing the heat? Morocco’s most famous city is balmy all autumn.

Buy pretty slippers, argan oil or green glass to start your Christmas shopping, and relax nearby at the Es Saadi hotel’s extensive spa and gardens (essaadi.com)

by Richard Mellor

Travel app of the month MITTY, FREE, IOS Mitty collates the best apps for 14 global cities under various categories—taxis, takeaways, transport-planning—and then cloudstreams them to save you valuable screen space.

98 • OCTOBER 2018

Holidays for solo travellers

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One of the best places to spend Christmas in Italy is Venice. With a week to explore and a spattering of lovely inclusions over the festive period, our new Italian Christmas tour has a traditional feel yet offers something for everyone. solosholidays.co.uk/venetianchristmas

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Winner Best Singles Operator 2017 To book, visit solosholidays.co.uk or call 0208 951 2905

Cut The Cost Of Your

Train Travel

They’re a constant cause of stress and yet many of us rely on trains to get us from A to B. Here are our top tips to save money when you travel

D

elays, cancellations and overcrowding are enough to put many off travelling by train, but the price of a ticket can often be the final straw. Even so it’s often the easiest or only way to get from A to B. Fortunately it is possible to reduce how much you pay with the following tricks…

Book in advance Buying at the ticket office just before you travel is usually the most expensive option. Instead you should be getting an advance ticket.

The cheapest are usually available 12 weeks before you travel and can be purchased online or at the station. Sometimes there’s limited availability so the closer you get to Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash 100 • OCTOBER 2018

travel the smaller your saving—if you save at all. But even if you’re booking the day before and— sometimes—a few hours ahead, it’s worth seeing if you can still pick up a slightly cheaper ticket.

Travel off-peak Rush-hour trains will cost more, so if you can avoid them you’ll find your journey costs less. If you have to travel during these peak hours, it’s worth seeing if splitting your ticket will save you cash, particularly on long journeys. This involves buying a ticket for the part of your journey at rush hour, then buying a separate ticket for the leg which is out of those hours. Do it right and you won’t even have to change trains.

Take the slow train If you’re not in a rush, then some trips will have trains which stop at more stations or go via longer route to your destination. These are often cheaper than the fast train. You

MONEY

might even be able to save by departing from or arriving in a different nearby station.

Check the price of two singles Sometimes, purchasing two single tickets works out cheaper than buying a return. Most train booking websites will help you here, but not always. It’s worth checking the price of First Class too, as these sometimes work out cheaper if regular advance fares have already sold out.

Use a railcard The Senior Railcard is available to anyone over 60 and offers a third off most fares. It costs £30 a year, or you can buy a three-year card for £70. If you’re not yet 60 then there are other railcards to consider, including the Two Together, Disabled, Family and Friends, and Network Railcard. If you live in London you can also get a 60+ Oyster card which will give you free travel on trains in and around

London, as well as on the tube and buses.

Once you reach state pension age you can then claim a Freedom Pass which offers the same benefits.

Claim for delays and cancellations If you do find your journey disrupted, don’t forget to try to get some of your money back. If you decide not to travel due to a cancellation or delay you should be able to get all of the fare returned to you. If you are on a train which isn’t going to arrive on time then how much you could get usually depends on the length of the delay. For many operators, you’ll be offered half your single fare back if the train is 30 minutes late, and the full whack if it’s an hour behind.

OCTOBER 2018 • 101

MONEY

Renewable Energy…

How a reusable cup will reduce the cost of your coffee

M

any high street cafes and coffee shops are now offering a discount if you bring along a reusable cup rather than get your drink in the standard takeaway cup. These disposable cups might be made of cardboard but often can’t be recycled. So one you can use again and again can make a big difference to how many go to landfill.

Simply hand over your cup when you order your drink and you can then start saving. Pret will discount your hot drink by 50p, while you’ll save 25p at Starbucks, Costa and Paul. Many independent coffee shops will do the same. If you’ve a local Waitrose you can even get a free hot drink with your reusable cup as

102 • OCTOBER 2018

long as you’ve joined the MyWaitrose loyalty scheme and made a purchase —even if you just buy a banana!

Of course, the cup itself is going to set you back a few quid, with some of the fancier cups such as ones which can collapse when empty going for £15 to £20. But you can pick up a £1 cup from Starbucks, which will pay for itself after just a few drinks.

Most coffee shops will accept any type of reusable cup, though do check with your regular café that they don’t require one bought direct from them.

You can even save a bit more by starting the day filling your cup with a drink made at home. And as an added bonus the cup will hopefully keep your drink warmer for longer.

READER’S DIGEST

Money Site Of The Month GOV.UK/STATE-PENSION-AGE

T

here have been a number of big changes to state pensions over the last few years with the government in the process of increasing the retirement age.

Women have been hardest hit as the age is gradually brought in line to be the same as for men, rising from 60 years old to the current level of 64. That will go up to 65 by November this year, and then both men and women will see another increase to 66 by 2020. And it’ll go up another year between 2026 and 2028.

It’s expected to reach 68 by late 2030s.

Which all makes it a little confusing as to when you’re actually going to be able to claim your state pension, especially if you were born in the 1950s and are now in your mid-60s.

To help you know when you become eligible, it’s worth using the government’s State Pension age checker at gov.uk/statepension-age. Simply enter your date of birth, and whether you’re a man or woman (this does make a difference), and you’ll get the exact date you can start to claim your State Pension.

You’ll also be able to use the same tool to see when you can get your free bus pass.

Of course, you don’t actually have to claim the money then. If you choose to defer it then you could get more each month when you finally do receive the payments.

ONE MAN’S TRASH… When he first started work on his breakthrough novel, Carrie, an exasperated Stephen King threw the first few pages in the bin. His wife, Tabitha, fished it out and encouraged him to keep going. She said she’d enjoyed it, and promised to help him develop the female perspective. It would become his first published novel, successfully launching his $400m career. The book is dedicated to his wife with the message: “This is for Tabby, who got me into it—and then bailed me out of it.”

SOURCE: STEPHENKING.COM

OCTOBER 2018 • 103

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So far in 2018, we have helped more than 16,000 Reader’s Digest Equity Release customers find out whether they can unlock tax-free cash from their homes and enjoy a more comfortable retirement. You may also be considering releasing equity from your property as a practical later life financial option. However, it’s a big decision, and one not to be taken lightly.

That’s why we think it’s essential you know exactly how it works.

guarantee ensures that you will never owe more than the value of your property.

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We have a nationwide team of equity release specialists ready to meet you at a location of your choosing, with many customers choosing the comfort of their own homes. The purpose of these meetings is to establish your needs and wants and to assess whether releasing equity is the right option for you. At this stage, its also important that you ask for a personalised illustration, so you can understand what the full range of plans will do for you. Equity release may reduce the value of your estate and could affect your entitlement to means-tested state benefits; our experts will help find the lifetime mortgage that’s right for you if this is a concern. They can even help you find mortgages that allow you to preserve a portion of your equity to provide a guaranteed inheritance.

The UK’s most popular equity release product is a Lifetime Mortgage. Unlike other equity release products, such as Home Reversion Plans, a Lifetime Mortgage guarantees that you and your partner retain full home ownership for life, until you both pass away or until you both enter long-term care. With a Lifetime Mortgage you are simply borrowing against the value of your home.

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FOOD

Crab Pasta

Crab season is just coming to an end, so it’s a great time to enjoy it. Though I’ll let you in on a secret—and that’s tinned crab.

Sure, it might not have the romance of a fresh dressed crab, but it’s fantastic value and means you can whisk up this luxuriant little dish at a moment’s notice. It’s a favourite recipe, with the crabmeat, butter and saffron making it both a decadent dinner party dish and perfect for date night SERVES 4

• 1 head of garlic • 20g butter, softened • 1-2tsp chilli flakes (to taste) • 1 pinch of saffron threads, soaked in 1tbsp hot water for 10 minutes • 150g crabmeat • 1/2 lemon, juiced • 300g fresh tagliatelle or linguine • 2tbsp flat leaf parsley, finely chopped Rachel Walker is a food writer for numerous national publications.

Visit rachel-walker.co.uk for more information

106 • OCTOBER 2018

1. P reheat the oven to 200°C, wrap the

head of garlic in tin foil and roast it for 45 minutes, until the softened garlic cloves can be easily squeezed out of each section of the bulb*.

2. Mash the slow-roast garlic with a wooden spoon in the softened butter. Cook over a medium heat until the butter is just starting to bubble. Add the chilli flakes, saffron threads and crab meat. Squeeze the lemon juice in and take the pan off the heat while you cook the pasta.

3. B ring a pan of salted water to the boil, add the tagliatelle. Cook it so the pasta is still a little al dente— fresh tagliatelle takes 3 minutes, so stop cooking after 2.5 minutes.

Drain the tagliatelle, leaving 1-2tbsp of pasta water behind in the pan.

4. R eturn the pasta to the pan with the water, add the buttery-crab and the parsley—then put the lid on and shake, so the tagliatelle is coated in the sauce. Divide between two heated pasta bowls, and serve. *Although a whole head sounds like a lot, the flavour is mellow and sweet once slow-roasted. For a speedier version, substitute this step for crushing two raw garlic cloves and cooking them straight in the butter.

Drinks Tip…

P HOTOGRAPHY BY TIM & ZOË HI LL

A buttery, oaked Chardonnay is the perfect partner to crab. Try this bottle from Boschendal’s vineyard on the Western Cape, South Africa, (£10.49, Ocado).

107

FOOD

LEMON POSSET 1. Z est one of the lemons, and juice (there should

be at least 60ml of liquid).

2. P our the cream into a pan, add the sugar, lemon

P HOTOGRAPHY BY TIM & ZOË HI LL

juice and zest. Heat on the hob, stirring so that the sugar dissolves and allow the liquid to simmer for 2-3 minutes. Tip it into a jug and let the flavoured settle for 5 minutes. Pour into glasses, use a tablespoon to skim off any bubbles and then refrigerate for 2 hours.

3. D ivide the blackberries between the glasses, garnish with lemon thyme and serve with a biscotti or finger of shortbread.

108

SERVES 6

• 2 lemons, zested • 125g sugar • 425ml double cream • 150g blackberries • Lemon thyme, to garnish • Biscotti or shortbread, to serve

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HOME & GARDEN

Autumnal Opulence Embrace the change in season and give your home an on-trend update with a daringly dark colour palette and plenty of luxurious touches

Homes and gardens writer and stylist Cassie Pryce specialises in interior trends and discovering new season shopping

A

s darker evenings draw in, it’s the time of year to make your home feel warm and welcoming. Rich colours will instantly help to create a feeling of cosiness and cocooning, compared to lighter tones which can seem stark and cold at this time of year.

Experiment with shades such as deep violet and aubergine—their warm undertones are well-suited to bedrooms and living rooms in particular if you’re looking to add a luxury edge.

Winter botanicals offer a dramatic touch and work well against a striking dark backdrop. Go bold with floral 110 • OCTOBER 2018

prints on bedding, wallpaper and artwork to give your space a feminine yet graphic twist. Avoid using small, ditsy prints which can get lost easily and introduce large-scale designs to really make an impact. When it comes to soft furnishings, don’t be afraid to layer up and mix and match different textures to give the room depth and make it a cosy haven to snuggle up in.

Lighting your home during the winter months is key to setting the right mood and there are plenty of ways to create a relaxing atmosphere without changing your permanent fixtures. Opt for table and floor lamps, rather than direct overhead bulbs, as these give off a more dispersed glow. Choose bulbs labelled as warm white with a colour temperature of around 3,000 K for a softer output and use dimmer switches to adapt your lighting for different times of the day.

In Bloom Star by Julien Macdonald duvet cover, £45; pillowcases, £20 for a pair; cushion, £28; pendant light, £300; Chester weave double headboard, £720; glamour nest of tables, £240, all Debenhams

111

HOME & GARDEN

A Place For

Reflection

No matter what size or shape of plot you have, there’s a water feature that can enhance it

T

he sensual quality of water is a pleasure which never fades, and there is seldom a garden, no matter what size, that isn’t improved by its inclusion.

If you’re adding a water feature to the garden for the first time, you’ll find that the size and style of the house and garden largely determine the feature you choose. Where there’s very limited space, small container pools, birdbaths, fountains and wall masks may be the best way to introduce water to the garden—which also happen to be the easiest features to maintain. If you’re less mobile, very busy or away frequently you might 112 • OCTOBER 2018

also consider installing a watering system for the garden.

Birdbaths and saucer pools are the simplest way to bring water into the garden, and birds love to perch on the edge of a dish and dip in their beaks.

If you’re looking for something more extravagant, consider a raised pool which is a great place for fish to thrive. It’s also safer than a groundlevel one for very small children and people with impaired sight, and is easy to care for. Use broad slabs of stone to offer a tempting place to sit and trail a hand through the water— enjoy the gentle sound and motion in a few minutes of contemplation.

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FASHION & BEAUTY

Technicolour Dream Coats Lisa Lennkh is a banker turned fashion writer, stylist and blogger.

Her blog, The Sequinist, focuses on sparkle and statement style for midlife women

A

s the evenings get cooler and we move into my favourite season, autumn, I’m dreaming of coats. We may have several months of cold, grey weather ahead, but the upside is that it gives us the opportunity to wear beautiful coats and jackets.

In previous years, I might have bought a charcoal grey or a camel coloured coat here and there, but mostly my quest has been about scouring stores and websites to find the season’s perfect black coat… good quality luxurious fabric, the right weight, stylish statement lapels, the correct length and, most importantly, one that looks as good worn open as it does closed.

However, that's all changed. Now, I have to have colour in my life. I still prowl my favourite places for a coat that fits my criteria, but now I only buy colour.

It all started several years ago when I bought a knee-length 114 • OCTOBER 2018

powder-blue coat on sale at Benetton. It was cheerful and elegant, and stood out in the sea of black and grey wool on my daily commute into London.

After it wore out, I decided to have British custom-coat expert Katherine Hooker create me a new and better-made one to replace it. Instead, she convinced me to commission a raspberrycoloured windowpane check coat with fuschia satin lining. It's an absolute show-stopper and still looks pristine after 11 years of wear. Now I update my closet every few years with another bright coat, partly to preserve the longevity of the ones I already have and partly because there's always a colour I don’t yet own!

I've added yellow, green, orange, and red to my collection. I think carefully about my purchases and buy only classic shapes that won’t date, even if the colour isn't "classic".

When I'm dressed brighter, I feel brighter. Not only is colour more flattering than black as we age, but matching or colourclashing a coat with your existing wardrobe also gets you major style points. Stores are awash with mood-lifting colourful coats, so think about what colours you're naturally drawn to, and go get one. Winter is long and grey, but your coat needn’t be!

OCTOBER 2018 • 115

FA S H I O N & B E A U T Y

Crystal Healing Jenessa Williams takes a journey into the once-derided world of crystal healing to discover what ancient beauty benefits stones could offer…

P

reviously a penchant of celebrities and hippie-types, crystals are making a dent on the beauty world. As we strive to live purer, less stressful lives, they've become a key ingredient in high-end products and are taken more seriously as a mainstay of holistic beauty that heals inside and out.

If you’re looking to inject some mindfulness into your routine, rose quartz is a great place to start.

Known as the "loving gem", it’s used to attract positivity, soothe heartbreak and aid self-love, perfect for a pampering face cream or body mist. Jade formulas are supposedly great for unblocking the heart chakra to ease depression, grief and loneliness, whilst amethyst has been greatly esteemed by some for centuries as an insomnia cure—why not try it in a pillow spray?

Crystal products don’t have to be slathered on your skin to make an

116 • OCTOBER 2018

impact. A simple, relatively inexpensive collection of stones can be remarkably comforting to hold during meditation, or simply a quiet moment of self-care during a stressful time. Of course, it could all be placebo effect, but maybe surrounding yourself with such natural beauty is healing enough?

Hero Products 1 Poppy & Someday Gypsy Rose Toner, £35 2 Gemstone Organics Face Crème in Jade, £35 3 Goldirocks X Nordstrom Beauty Rocks Collection, £46

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If your skin’s been a bit thickened by all the soulless action blockbusters lately, do your inner-self a favour and go see director Matteo Garrone’s latest film, Dogman which, put simply, is just going to make you feel things. The titular Dogman is Marcello—a dog groomer in rural Italy, able to tame angry beasts twice his size. He’s also an adoring father and a small-time coke dealer.

He’s an amicable fella who’s well-liked by his buddies and customers alike.

Unfortunately, one of his more boisterous “friends” has been getting him into a lot of trouble lately…

Marcello Fonte, who plays Marcello, is sublime; his ocean-deep eyes relay everything from immense love to earthshattering sadness, and his almost caricatural, Peter Lorre-like face is unforgettable. His infantile simplicity and intrinsic goodness make you care for him with a passion, despite his many moments of weakness, cowardliness or even vengefulness.

Dogman fluidly alternates between disarming sweetness and white-knuckle brutality, which makes it a bittersweet and layered watch that could’ve been so oversimplified in a different director’s hands. Watch out for a scene involving a break-in, a chihuahua and a freezer that’ll absolutely floor you (in the best sense possible, rest assured).

118 • OCTOBER 2018

READERSDIGEST.CO.U K/C U LT U RE / F IL M

Italian director Matteo Garrone returns with an astute emotional rollercoaster about dogs, drugs and dodgy friends

© CURZON ARTIF ICIA L EYE

DOGMAN

FILMS

© P ICTUREHOUSE ENTERTAI NM ENT / THUN DERBIRD RELEASI NG / MODERN FIL MS

HHHHH DRAMA: THE WIFE In this very serious, very intellectual, steely monochrome drama, Mr and Mrs Castleman travel to Stockholm where he’s due to receive the Nobel Prize in Literature. You can tell that something’s off though.

Beneath their seemingly tranquil, tender relationship, there’s stifled resentment and a patchy history that threatens to disturb their blissful domestic life. As you’d expect, both Glenn Close and Jonathan Pryce are superb, yet even their thoughtful performances can’t redeem this film’s uninspired, heavy-

handed storytelling and plot twists so predictable that their final reveal is nearcomical. If nuanced, heavy-hearted drama is what you’re after, turn to Michael Haneke instead.

HHHH H SPORT: SKATE KITCHEN Camille skates

HHHHH DOCUMENTARY: THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ANDRÉ A delightful

window into the life of prolific fashion editor, André Leon Talley, whose largerthan-life charisma, beaming eloquence and endlessly entertaining fashion commentaries will sweep you off your feet. It’s a luxurious pleasure to spend time in his company but be warned: you’ll be itching to go on a rampant shopping spree afterwards.

alone. She’s light and free—an image of serenity, until she falls, injures herself, and is forced to limp to the hospital. Her mother bans her from skating and so—of course—it becomes more irresistible to her than ever before. She soon runs away to New York to join a girl-only skateboarding collective and embarks on a journey that’ll will teach her about friendship, feminism and the burdens of womanhood. Ethereal cinematography combines with dynamite dialogue to echo that teenage sense of being at once inside and outside of yourself.

by Eva Mackevic 119

TELEVISION

HANG-UPS (CHANNEL 4; 4OD) What is it? Savvy, funny Brit

translation of former Friend Lisa Kudrow’s online series Web Therapy, centred on a shrink attempting to resolve his own issues—personal, professional, technological—during working hours.

Why should I watch it? Firstly, it looks like nothing else on TV: everything’s shot as viewed from a mobile or laptop screen, replicating our Skype and Facetime encounters. Yet top-class character actors flesh out this gimmick, phoning in some recognisably contemporary concerns.

xx

BERLIN STATION (MORE4; 4OD) What is it? Ten-part drama picking up

where Homeland left off in Europe—with the hunt for a CIA whistleblower.

Why should I watch it? Here’s one of the growing number of shows rounding up useful, underemployed players — among them Spooks graduate Richard Armitage, Rhys Ifans and Richard Jenkins—to negotiate altogether more nuanced dramas.

Best episode? Episodes 9 and 10, overseen by indie director Joshua Marston, bring the show’s carefully marshalled tension to an explosive head.

Best character?

Stephen Mangan brings his usual droll skill to the therapist’s position; his varyingly anxious correspondents include Charles Dance, Richard E Grant, Steve Oram and Alice Lowe.

by Mike McCahill

BETTER CALL SAUL (NETFLIX) Season 4 plays a typically impressive, consummately performed long game as its characters process the fiery events of Season 3.

120 • OCTOBER 2018

KIDDING (SKY ATLANTIC, NOW TV) Jim Carrey reunites with Michel Gondry for a bittersweet comedy-drama about the struggles of an ageing children’s TV presenter.

MANIAC (NETFLIX) Emma Stone and Jonah Hill are the human guinea pigs who find their clinical drug trial going off the rails in this expensive, muchballyhooed psychodrama.

R E A D E R S D E R S D I G E ST.CO.U K /C U LT U R E / F I L M

© CHANN EL 4

WHAT TO STREAM THIS MONTH:

MUSIC ALBUM OF THE MONTH: SWAY BY GERALD TOTO If you still haven’t come to terms with

the end of summer, here’s the perfect audio companion to your longing. This gentle, understated record from the FrenchAntillean artist Gerald Toto is awash in balmy bossa nova, exotic Creole and Caribbean influences and soothing, creamy vocals, reminiscent of such R&B queens as Erykah Badu or Sade.

It’s a clean, subtle and sparse album that’s got nothing to prove, instead exuding the sheer joy and obsessive passion that Toto puts into his music. From the playful guitar fingerpicking, to the inventive vocal melodies via surprising electronic beats, each track brings you something unique, lulling you into a dreamy, summery state of mind.

A son of Antillean parents, Toto was deeply influenced by their love of AfroCaribbean dance music and American soul, which have inspired him throughout his entire career, and manifest themselves beautifully on his latest album, that’s bound to make you feel like you’re on holiday again.

Key tracks: “Day by Day”, “My Girlfriend”, “It’s a Love Thing”

by Eva Mackevic READER RADAR: SUSAN KING, VOLUNTARY CHRISTIAN MINISTER WATCHING: JUDGE JOHN DEED An excellent judge whose

cases are as interesting as is his personal life. His colleagues and attraction to the opposite sex often trip him up.

READING: IMAGINE BIG BY TERRI SAVELLE FOY A motivational step-by-

step guide book which greatly inspires and encourages people of all ages to dream bigger dreams by kicking out all negativity, fear and excuses.

ONLINE: SHOPPING

Whether it’s for travel ideas, household goods, fashion, or gifts. I can look for hours without getting wet, cold or held up in traffic.

LISTENING: YOUTUBE I can find,

watch and listen to my favourite music conductor André Rieu. I also stream many other Sixties favourites, such as The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and The Kinks.

E M A I L YO U R R E CO M M E N DAT I O N S TO R E A D E R S L E T T E R S @ R E A D E R S D I G E ST.CO.U K

BOOKS

October Fiction Just in time for Halloween, we dance with the macabre for October’s frightening fiction…

Elevation

by Stephen King (Hodder, £14.99) It might seem odd to suggest that Stephen King is underrated. After all, his sales are best measured in the gazillions, and his books have been adapted into more films than any other living writer’s. Yet he’s often dismissed by literary types as a “mere” story-teller, even though his fiction bristles with imaginative ideas and extremely good, if unshowy writing—two qualities firmly on display once again in Elevation.

The main character, Scott Carey, is mysteriously losing weight fast, without his body shape changing.

As in Groundhog Day, the cause of such peculiar goings-on remains unexplained—but their effect is increasingly benevolent, as Scott James Walton is a book reviewer and broadcaster, and has written and presented 17 series of the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff 122 • OCTOBER 2018

learns to appreciate the people around him, including the lesbian neighbours he once feuded with.

Given King’s opposition to Donald Trump, it’s hard not to read Elevation as a plea for a kindlier America.

Luckily, the book never forces the issue. Instead, it concentrates on maintaining a perfect balance between a touching, realistic portrait of a growing friendship on the one hand, and the intriguingly strange weight-loss story on the other—until they reach a climax that’s both melancholy and triumphant.

Melmoth by Sarah Perry (Serpent’s Tail, £16.99) In theory, Melmoth should be the perfect follow-up to Sarah Perry’s huge 2016 hit, The Essex Serpent.

There’s the same is-it-or-isn’t-it approach to the supernatural, the same unashamed relish for the Gothic—but this time with a much

READER’S DIGEST

broader sweep, and even bigger moral questions to ponder. So why is the result somewhere between disappointing and slightly irritating?

Well, for one thing Perry’s writing style doesn’t so much address her readers directly as rather boss them about: “If you kneel (be very careful, very quiet) you’ll see beneath her bed a cardboard box.”

More importantly, though, the central myth doesn’t quite work. The eponymous Melmoth is a woman condemned to eternally roam the world looking for people who’ve committed terrible acts and inviting them to join her in her wanderings (or something). Admittedly, this leads to several powerful scenes, from Mary Tudor’s persecutions to the Armenian massacres of 1915. The trouble is that the book struggles—at times almost embarrassingly hard, but ultimately in vain—to find a convincing way of making them hang together.

Name the author Can you guess the writer from these clues (the fewer you need the better)?

1. He was knighted in June for services to literature.

2. H e was born in a city that on August 9, 1945 had suffered a devastating wartime attack.

3. H e’s the most recent British winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature. Answer on p128

Paperbacks Eat Up

by Ruby Tandoh (Serpent’s Tail, £8.99).

The 2013 Bake Off finalist with a rich but unusually down-to-earth celebration of food in all its forms—up to and including the pleasures of a pasty on the M4.

A Spot of Folly

by Ruth Rendell (Profile, £8.99).

Collection of previously unpublished stories from the much missed queen of crime.

Rebel Prince

by Tom Bower (William Collins, £9.99).

Gossipy and often eye-popping biography of Prince Charles that’s impossible to resist—however much you might want to.

The Good Pilot, Peter Woodhouse

by Alexander McCall Smith (Polygon, £8.99).

Standalone wartime romance featuring an American pilot, a land girl and an injured dog. As enjoyably warmhearted—and basically lovely—as you’d expect from McCall Smith.

Auntie’s War

by Edward Stourton (Black Swan, £9.99).

Terrific history, packed with great stories, of the crucial role played by the BBC in the Second World War.

OCTOBER 2018 • 123

BOOKS

RD’S RECOMMENDED READ

A Bird’s Eye View The ravens of the Tower of London have been a beloved tourist attraction for years.

In this heart-warming new book, a Ravenmaster takes us behind the scenes…

T

his utterly delightful book is dedicated to the seven ravens at the Tower of London. And so, we soon realise, is its author.

Christopher Skaife has been a Yeoman Warder—he’s not keen on the name “Beefeater”— since 2005, and for the past seven years also the Tower’s Ravenmaster: a title that dates back, rather disappointingly, only to 1968.

It’s a job that Christopher obviously took seriously from the start, replacing the ravens’ night boxes with a proper enclosure and quickly developing the habit of “thinking about the birds all the time”. (Being Ravenmaster, he says, is “like going to a supermarket with

The Ravenmaster: My Life with the Ravens at the Tower of London by Christopher Skaife is published on October 4

by Fourth Estate at £14.99 124 • OCTOBER 2018

seven young children, who run up and down the aisles in different directions.”) But it’s also a job that he obviously—and infectiously— loves. As he makes clear, each raven has a different personality, with his own favourite, Merlina “the most free-spirited” of the group, preferring to stay out at night rather than sleep in the enclosure.

Along the way, we learn plenty of fascinating stuff about ravens more generally: their intelligence, their monogamy, their fondness for a game of KerPlunk (no, really). On

READER’S DIGEST

a more indignant note, Skaife stoutly defends them against the unfair press they’ve received for being harbingers of death. He’s great, too, on the Tower itself, where he lives and acts as a tour guide. (Sadly, it seems the idea that if the ravens leave, the Kingdom will fall was— like many ancient traditions—simply invented by the Victorians.)

We join him in 2014, when ceramic poppies were being laid outside the Tower for the centenary of the First World War—something Merlina flew off to explore. Now all Christopher had to do was get her back…

‘‘

It’s not hard to spot a wayward raven outside the Tower: they tend to attract a bit of a crowd, with cameras and phones furiously clicking and a great hubbub, everyone wondering how and why such an extraordinarily large black bird is sitting innocently on some bench or fence preening itself, or snacking on crisps from a bin. So I just followed the crowds, and soon found Merlina. She’d positioned herself on an old iron fence overlooking the moat, cronking loudly at the volunteers placing the poppies below.

To capture a raven in full view of the public is a tricky business, and to be avoided if at all possible, since it requires not only a cool head and steady nerves but quite a bit of luck.

My first piece of advice to anyone

Merlina reacts to the death of her companion Hugine…

“Immediately after the death, Merlina protected the body: she wouldn’t let anyone go near it to remove it. She paced around the area, constantly returning to peck at Hugine’s face, as if trying to wake her. It was heartbreaking to watch.

In the days and weeks that followed she would turn her back to the public, and even to me if I approached. She began to slouch and drop her head down low, as if in despair. In the end, I had to intervene because she’d stopped eating. I put her in the enclosure with the other ravens, in an attempt to break her depressive cycle and to keep her occupied. It took a few weeks of me spending lots of time with her, but finally she recovered and went back to her usual activities. I’d read about ravens mourning, but to see it for myself was quite extraordinary.”

OCTOBER 2018 • 125

BOOKS

finding themselves in such a predicament would be to stay cool and to pretend you have total control of the situation, which you most certainly do not. Like it or not, you’re about to become a star on YouTube.

If you’re a small, round, middle-aged man in a wide-brimmed bonnet, wearing a royal-blue and scarlet dress—it’s called a tabard, people, for goodness sake! —and you’re going to attempt to catch a raven, I can pretty much guarantee that you’re about to be photographed, videoed and live-streamed on every social media platform imaginable.

Prepare yourself: you’re going to go viral.

My second piece of advice would be to make your way slowly— SLOWLY!—and casually towards the offending raven. Don’t attempt to move the crowd —they make the perfect cover for your approach.

As you navigate your way through, remember to reassure everyone that you know what you’re doing.

Merlina was clearly having a lovely

And the name of the author is…

Sir Kazuo Ishiguro—born in Nagasaki in 1954 and whose family moved to Britain when he was five.

126 • OCTOBER 2018

“ To capture a raven in full view of the public is a tricky business ” day out, and certainly didn’t want to be returned to Tower Green. One more piece of advice: don’t think for one minute that you’re just going to be able to walk up to your raven and sweep her off her talons by looking lovingly into her beady dark-brown eyes, gather her up in your big strong arms and take her back home. That’s not how raven rescue works. You need to be cunning. You need to be stealthy. You need to be quick. You need to pretend you’re not interested, that you just happen to be in the vicinity—and then, with the speed of a striking cobra, you need to grab her when she least expects it.

And that is how to catch a miscreant raven, ladies and gentlemen!

I caught and held tight to Merlina, and I could hear people in the crowd murmuring, some in approval, some in disapproval, some in sheer disbelief. As I returned to Tower Green, I didn’t have it in me to scold her for escaping—in fact, I was glad she’d seen the poppies. Like us, she’d have plenty of ancestors who spent their days on battlefields, so at a time of remembrance it seemed appropriate she was there.

Books

THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Over nearly 60 years, Prue Leith CBE has risen to the top of the British food scene. Her new cookbook Prue, My AllTime Favourite Recipes, is out now (Bluebird, £25)

Black Beauty

BY ANNA SEWELL

I remember being unable to come down to meals because I was so immersed, or sobbing my heart out because something dreadful was happening to Black Beauty. I got my first insight into how cruel people can be, which was a shock as I’d had such a happy, privileged childhood. It also sparked a lifelong love of horses.

Indeed, at the age of 11, I nagged my parents relentlessly until they bought me my first pony, Laddie. I loved Laddie with such devotion I thought I’d like to marry him. My father said “You do realise all your children will be centaurs?”

The King Must Die

BY MARY RENAULT

Growing up in South Africa I had little sense of the rest of the world and it wasn’t until my mother lent me this book when I was 17 that I realised what I was missing. Renault

interweaves myths from the ancient Greeks with historical fiction and the result thrilled and intrigued me.

The Constance Spry Cookery Book

BY CONSTANCE SPRY AND ROSEMARY HUME

I came to London and blagged myself a place at Le Cordon Bleu by pretending that my waitressing at a Paris restaurant had given me cooking experience.

We all called this book “the bible”.

I still use my original copy. When Caroline Waldegrave and I set up Leiths School of Food and Wine in 1975, we published a range of cookbooks and had to work very hard not to plagiarise Constance Spry. The most famous recipe is Coronation Chicken, which they invented for the heads of state from around the world who came to the Queen’s Coronation. The recipe was an instant success and you can still find it in sandwiches everywhere!

As told to Caroline Hutton

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/CULTURE

OCTOBER 2018 • 127

Something Old,

Something New This month, Olly Mann draws inspiration from the past for his favourite gadgets of the present

T

echnology doesn’t need to look new to be new. Get onboard with the retro trend with these backwards-looking, forwardsthinking gadgets.

colour palette of Cadillac dreams.

Individual heating elements maintain optimum brewing and hotplate temperatures, and it’s speedy as hell: ten cups in six minutes.

WAKE UP HAPPY

GAME ON

Convenient coffee capsules and beans-to-cup espresso makers grab the limelight, but for my money the best home-brewed coffee is still from a traditional drip filter, and Technivorm-Moccamaster (£210£299) is King of Machines. Handassembled in the Netherlands since 1964, mine’s mustard yellow—but they also do apple green, neon orange, soft pink… basically, the

The retro gaming trend refuses to die, as 30 and 40-somethings relive their youth. Some simply plug-in Nintendo re-issues; others go as far as restoring full-size vintage arcades. But what if you never threw away your old games in the first place? If you’ve got a loft stuffed with Sega Mega Drive cartridges, or a drawer of original PlayStation discs, consider investing in a Polymega Modular Gaming Console (base unit £195, modules £47). It can handle titles from all the classic systems, many of which can now be snapped up cheaply on eBay. It comes with a slick wireless gaming controller, and lets you back up your games to its internal memory.

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

128 • OCTOBER 2018

TECHNOLOGY SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE!

The digital revolution killed the market for film-based photography at the turn of the century—but make-up artists and hipsters continued buying instant cameras, so Polaroid started making them again. Inspired by the 1977 original, Polaroid Originals One Step 2 (£119) includes a rechargeable battery, a timer function for group shots, and is compatible with a range of different films, so you can tint your prints with purples, pinks and teals, just like an Instagram filter. Sadly, the film remains insanely expensive: £17.99 buys you just eight snaps.

GET ON DOWN

Looking vaguely like a vintage Olympus camera, the Geneva Touring/XS (£135) is actually a cracking Bluetooth speaker, with two front-facing active drivers and a 20hour battery life. The Swissengineered retro casing is its secret weapon: the metal volume dial recalling the tuning wheel of a 1960s portable radio; the timeless leather finish adding a dash of 1980s Filofax couture. At just 17cm, it can travel pretty much anywhere and adds a touch of class to any hotel room.

129

FUN & GAMES

You Couldn’t Make It Up Win £30 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk A MALE COLLEAGUE WAS recently

showing off at work about how attractive he was to the opposite sex.

He said, "You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no difference between me and Brad Pitt!"

HANNAH BRYAN, Me r s e y s i d e

young children from the congregation and, giving them each a piece of paper and a pencil, he asked them to draw their idea of God. A few minutes later he collected the papers, but one little girl loudly “I've got a bad feeling about this Kenneth” announced: “I didn’t want to draw God, so I’ve drawn a potato.”

STEPHEN GEE, B a t h I WAS IN MY LOCAL CORNER SHOP when I overheard the following conversation between a very elderly WE HAD A GREAT AU PAIR for about a year but then she left and my man and a very elderly lady.

She said, "Do you know, I came in wife was really upset. here this morning with a pound in my "I don't understand," she moaned, pocket and all I came out with was a "We treated her like one of the family." large loaf! I expect you remember Our eldest son, Robbie overheard coming in here as a kid?" her and quickly retorted "Yes, and He said, "Of course I remember. that's exactly why she left!

The number of times I came into AMELIE BARNES, C l w y d 130 • OCTOBER 2018

CARTOON: JA MES GRI FF ITHS

MY LOCAL VICAR GATHERED THE

READER’S DIGEST

this shop with just a shilling in my pocket and left with two huge bags of groceries!"

She said, "Of course, you couldn't do that today!"

He joked, "Too right you couldn't!

Not these days… Not since they installed those hidden cameras!"

DAVID WEBB, S u s s e x MY SISTER JENNY IS A TEACHER,

and she recently asked her class if they said their prayers at night with their parents.

One boy confidently put his hand up. She asked if he could remember what they said.

"Hmm," he replied. "It's something like, 'Lord… give me strength!' " RACHELLE HARDING, C a m b r i d g e s h i r e

confessed. So I asked why he had been letting me win all the time.

"Because you're very old, Grandma," came his reply.

ANNA HAMMETT, C h e s h i r e LIKE ALL TEENAGE BOYS, MY

grandson is constantly hungry.

I went to the refrigerator to find something he might like.

After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chilli and called out to him excitedly. He came running into the kitchen.

"Look! I found some chilli!" I said to him, anticipating his glee.

Struggling to be polite he replied, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure that I want it!"

HEIDI CLARK, Yo r k s h i r e

MY GRANDFATHER, 74, WHO USED

to be quite sporty was asked by friends if he wanted to run in a charity marathon. "I haven't run in years" he told them. "I get out of breath just walking up the stairs".

They told him it was a pity as it was a marathon for mostly handicapped people. Grandad thought for a moment and then said, "Wait a minute. I could win this…?!"

JON DRURY, F l i n t s h i r e I WAS PLAYING SNAP WITH MY

four-year-old grandson, Lucas, and I kept winning. I felt sure that he was letting me win.

I asked him if he was and he

WHILE SHOPPING RECENTLY,

I overheard a gentleman talking to one of the shop assistants.

“Do you have a casserole?”

The assistant looked a little puzzled for a moment before taking him over to the casserole dishes.

“Well, one of those isn’t going to keep the sun off my head, is it?” the man said in disgust, turning a dish upside down and holding it over his head. “I need it for the garden.”

“Ah, a parasol?” the assistant asked, enlightenment dawning.

“That’s what I said,” the man insisted. And, of course, the customer is always right. ESTER NEWTON, B e r k s h i r e OCTOBER 2018 • 131

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FUN AND GAMES IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power Spelling Bees have been part of American culture for years—but can you keep up with our cousins across the globe?

These words are all hard to spell, but are they easier to define?

Answers on the next page

BY E M ILY COX & H E NRY RATH VO N

1. fracas n.—A: fight. B: winter coat.

9. semaphore n.—A: half circle.

C: drilling operation.

B: lover of summer. C: signalling using flags.

2. milieu n.—A: huge number.

B: environment. C: French chef.

3. sacrilegious adj.—A: worthy

of worship. B: of all faiths. C: failing to respect.

4. appoggiatura n.—

A: embellishing note. B: statement of regret. C: breakdown.

5. kamikaze n.—A: suicidal crasher.

B: stand-up comedian. C: labyrinth.

6. cerise adj.—A: steeply inclined.

B: shade of red. C: cool and calm.

7. vouchsafe v.—A: swear under

oath. B: supply. C: protect.

8. eczema n.—A: skin condition.

B: hasty departure. C: ex lover.

10. dulcimer n.—A: stringed instrument. B: period of calm.

C: sea monster.

11. gladiolus n.—A: street fighter.

B: high praise. C: plant.

12. incisor n.—A: tooth.

B: a troublemaker. C: a breed of earthworm.

13. elegiacal adj.—A: approving

or complementary. B: menacing.

C: lamenting.

14. deteriorating v.— A: stopping.

B: growing worse. C: something that’s improving slowly.

15. insouciant adj.—A: uppity.

B: nonchalant. C: incomplete.

OCTOBER 2018 • 133

WORD POWER

Answers 1. fracas—[A] fight. Both bars rapidly emptied as a wild fracas erupted.

in edgewise at the table, Alison resorted to semaphore with napkins.

2. milieu—[B] environment.

A sailor’s natural milieu is the ocean blue.

10. dulcimer—[A] stringed

instrument. Andy’s Appalachian dulcimer didn’t really fit in with our punk rock band.

3. sacrilegious—[C] failing to

respect. Uncle James considers it sacrilegious if you don’t eat his homemade salsa.

11. gladiolus—[C] plant. “I’m so sick

4. appoggiatura—[A] embellishing

12. incisor—[A] tooth. I think I cracked an incisor on your grandmother’s biscuits.

of the rabbits eating all my gladiolus!”

Mum barked.

note. “If you ask me,” Karl sniffed after the performance, “the concerto blatantly abused the appoggiatura.”

5. kamikaze—[A] suicidal crasher.

13. elegiacal—[C] lamenting. The

James jumped from the flight of stairs like a kamikaze on a mission.

vicar was remarkably sensitive in mixing in humorous recollections during his elegiacal speech.

6. cerise—[B] shade of red.

14. deteriorating—[B] growing

When Abdul gets excited, his face turns a bright cerise.

7. vouchsafe—

[B] supply. Susan vouchsafed her ID but didn’t look happy about it.

8. eczema—[A] itchy

skin condition.

Nothing works better than shea butter to soothe my eczema.

9. semaphore—[C]

signalling with flags.

Unable to get a word 134 • OCTOBER 2018

WORD OF THE DAY* HELIOLATRY: the act of sun worship.

Alternative suggestions: “The WC on a helicopter” “One of those hellish toilets that’s just a hole in the ground” “When your helicopter should have been here ages ago”

worse. The already tense relations between the North and South are now deteriorating.

15. insouciant— [B] nonchalant.

Taylor’s boss noted that she has a decidedly insouciant way of attending to her daily priorities.

VOCABULARY RATINGS

9 & below: Contender 10–12: Finalist 13–15: Champion

*POST YOUR DEFINITIONS EVERY DAY AT FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK

FUN & GAMES

Brainteasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles, then check your answers on page 139

SURROUNDED

Red: BOOGG Orange: RRBBYYPP Yellow: POOB Green: RRPP Blue: YOOR Pink: GGOOY

Can you colour in the diagram?

2

4

1 2 3 4

136 • OCTOBER 2018

3

1 PATH PUZZLE

Draw a path that goes from one of the grid’s openings to another.

(There are many openings, but only two of them are part of the solution.)

As the path winds from one cell to the next, it can move up, down, left or right but not diagonally. It can’t pass through any cell more than once. The numbers tell how many cells the path must pass through in the corresponding row or column.

(SURROUNDED) DARREN RIGBY; (PATH PUZZLE) RODERICK KIMBALL OF ENIGAMI.FUN

Each of these shapes is a different colour.

Here’s a record of the colours surrounding each shape, in clockwise order around its perimeter. When a colour’s initial is repeated, that means two adjacent sides are in contact with it.

WINDOWS

(WINDOWS) DARREN RIGBY; (CHOCOLATE) MARCEL DANESI; (TIMES SQUARE) FRASER SIMPSON

The six letters shown have been placed, in an unknown order, into the six solid-red positions in the diagram to the right. The two images below reveal what’s visible in the dotted-line squares. What’s the order of the letters?

CHOCOLATE Dad: “Where are the chocolate bars I bought?”

Daughter: “I gave half of them to Mum and half of a

bar to my little brother. Then I gave half of what was left to Gran and half of a bar to my little sister. That left me with one bar, which I gladly ate myself.”

How many chocolate bars did Dad originally buy?

TIMES SQUARE

75

Fill in each cell with a whole number from 1 through 9. Each number outside the grid is the product of the numbers in its row or column. Important: the number 1 will appear exactly once in each row and column. Other numbers can be repeated, and not every number from 1 through 9 will be used.

8 48 70 16

18

70

100

OCTOBER 2018 • 137

BRAIN TEASERS

CROSSWISE

Test your general knowledge.

Answers on p142

ACROSS

DOWN

9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 18 22 25 27 28 29 30 31

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 16 17 19 20 21 23 24 26

Corpulent (5) Extreme surprise (9) Souvenir (5) Inherent (9) Possess (3) Hebrew minor prophet (5) Eg, wine goblets (9) Bush (5) Double birdie (5) Large mass of sliding snow (9) Renounce (5) Open mesh fabric (3) Staff (9) Mistaken (5) Weaken insidiously (9) Passageway (5)

138 • OCTOBER 2018

Highest singing voice in women (7) Affluence (6) Recent arrival (8) Saw (6) Book end, perhaps (4,4) Exceptional intellect (6) Convince (8) Adhesive label (7) Frenzied rush (8) Single-celled organisms (8) Conceal with decorative paper (4,4) Neither solid nor liquid (7) Abrade (7) Part of a group (6) Followed (6) Cardiff International Airport (6)

READER’S DIGEST

Brainteasers: Answers SURROUNDED

£50 PRIZE QUESTION Answer published in the November issue Unscramble the letters in each circle to produce two words that are synonyms of each other:

F C N F A L I U

PATH PUZZLE

2

4

3

1

1

M H I L I A C S W

0

2

The first correct answer we pick in September wins £50!* Email excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk

3 4 WINDOWS

DEB FAC

ANSWER TO SEPTEMBER’S PRIZE QUESTION

CHOCOLATE

Seven.

TIMES SQUARE

1

3

5

5

2

2

2

1

4

3

1

4

2

1

7

5

MARRIAGE AND THE £50 GOES TO… Christine Weller, Bristol

OCTOBER 2018 • 139

FUN & GAMES

Laugh!

Win £30 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk I SEE THAT DRACULA HAS been

rearranging his furniture with his teeth again.

Doing a bit of fang shui.

So, for example, the class would do downward dog and she would just let me eat ravioli.

COMEDIAN FORTUNE FEIMSTER

COMEDIAN TIM VINE

MY DOCTOR TOLD ME that I need to

lose some weight.

I said, “How?” He said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”

I asked, “What, pies, chips, that kind of thing?”

He said, “No, just don’t eat anything, fatty.”

COMEDIAN GARY DELANEY

MY YOGA TEACHER WOULD let me do the modified version of everything.

Blown Away These incredibly intricate balloon animals were made by artist Masayoshi Matsumoto (via instagram.com/isopresso_balloon)

140 • OCTOBER 2018

FACEBOOK IS GREAT FOR getting upset about things people say even though you haven’t seen them for over 12 years.

COMEDIAN DOV DAVIDOFF

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN owners call

their pets their “fur babies” everyone thinks it’s cute?

But when I refer to my children as “skin puppies” they’re just like, “Never say that again”?

COMEDIAN JAMES ETCHISON

READER’S DIGEST

I RECEIVED AN ACADEMIC

I LOVE WOMEN, BUT I FEEL LIKE

scholarship and then I used that money for my BA in Theatre.

That’s like if you won the lottery and then just spent all the money on Beanie Babies.

you can’t trust some of them.

I was in the park the other day and I met a cute girl, and she had a dog.

I went up to her and we started talking. She told me her dog’s name and I asked, “Does he bite?”

She said no and I replied, “Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?” Liar.

COMEDIAN JARED LOGAN

I THINK A TREE HOUSE IS really

insensitive. That’s like killing something and then making one of its friends hold it.

COMEDIAN DEMETRI MARTIN

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TWO

antennas that got married?

It was a nice ceremony but the reception was amazing!

COMEDIAN JIMMY FALLON

SEEN ONLINE

I WORK IN AN OFFICE, AND TO

pass the time I play Battleship with the person on the other side of the cubicle. Except that they don’t know it yet.

I just lob random office supplies over the wall and every time I hear an “Ouch!” I mark it down as a hit.

SEEN ONLINE

WHY DO WE GET SO TIRED after

travelling? After a long flight all I want to do is sit down, relax, eat some snacks, watch a show and drift off to sleep…

Which is exactly what I spent time doing during the entire flight!

I’M A POSITIVE PERSON. To me, going bald isn’t about hair loss.

It’s about face gain.

SEEN ONLINE

SEEN ON PINTEREST

SEEN ONLINE

WHY DON’T MUMMIES take time off?

They’re afraid to unwind.

OCTOBER 2018 • 141

LAUGH

A Hexed Halloween Tweeters reveal their worst ever Halloween: @MasonSnyder07: “My mum dressed me up as a cow with udders made out of hot dogs. The dog kept running up and trying to bite my stomach.” @DanFrancisco312: “As a prank my wife hid a toy rat under the duvet and I screamed. I hid the rat in the same place the next night and forgot. I screamed again.” @Angry_Pancakes: “My dad thought it would be funny to jump off the roof and scare local kids as they walked to the door. On his first jump he broke his ankle.” @Ally_Tinker: “I used to ask my dad to hold my sweets basket while we were trick or treating and he would eat all the sweets and call it a ‘Dad Tax’.”

A MAN HAS A JOB INTERVIEW AND is

asked, “Your resumé is very impressive. But there’s a gap of four years, what was that for?”

The man replies, “Oh, that was when I went to Yale.”

The interviewer shakes his hand and tells him “You’re hired!”

The man jumps up and yells, “Hooray. I got a yob!”

DAVID ATLAS, L o n d o n THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD,

but that just sounds like something a pen would write…

COMEDIAN ERIK BERGSTROM I WANT TO HANG A MAP OF THE WORLD

in my house. Then I’m going to put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to.

But first, I’m going to have to travel to the top corners of the map so it doesn’t fall down.

SEEN ONLINE

EVERYONE IS SO SCARED OF NARCISSISTS.

You can read all these articles online like, “Ten signs your boss is a narcissist”. But there’s nothing to read if you are a narcissist.

What am I meant to read? What about me?

COMEDIAN CLAIRE WEBBER

AS A CHILD I HAD A MEDICAL condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day.

It’s lucky my brother told me about it, really.

COMEDIAN MILTON JONES

CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: 9 Obese, 10 Amazement, 11 Relic, 12 Intrinsic, 13 Own, 14 Nahum, 15 Glassware, 16 Shrub, 18 Eagle, 22 Avalanche, 25 Forgo, 27 Net, 28 Employees, 29 Wrong, 30 Undermine, 31 Aisle.

Down: 1 Soprano, 2 Wealth, 3 Newcomer, 4 Saying, 5 Last page, 6 Genius, 7 Persuade, 8 Sticker, 16 Stampede, 17 Bacteria, 19 Gift wrap, 20 Gaseous, 21 Roughen, 23 Aboard, 24 Ensued, 26 Rhoose.

142 • OCTOBER 2018

60 Stand-Up -Second

We spent 60 laugh-filled seconds with awesome Aussie comedian, Felicity Ward.

WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT SET? At the moment,

I think it’s that I don’t have a theme, meaning or lesson so it’s just an hour of jokes. I don’t need to get many people on my side I just need to get them to laugh at me.

by throwing a biscuit at me. But, to be fair, I was hungry so I just ate it.

WHO INSPIRES YOUR COMEDY?

something to do with the people.

I love playing at all of The Stands, there’s one in Newcastle, Edinburgh and Glasgow and I don’t know what it is about that place but the audience are just ready to laugh.

Maria Bamford is the person who really inspired me. Adam Hills introduced me and then I went on YouTube, watched everything she had done and went, “Oh, I should stop comedy because everything I didn’t even know I wanted to do has been done...” Unfortunately, I kept going.

© P HI LIP GATWARD

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE OF YOUR OWN JOKES? The

definition of a slut is a woman who’s had sex with a lot of people, but that’s not a slut that’s an expert.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUNNY TALES ABOUT A TIME YOU BOMBED ON STAGE? I was doing Late and Live in

Edinburgh and someone heckled me

DO YOU FIND ANY PARTS OF THE COUNTRY TO BE FUNNIER THAN OTHERS? No, it definitely has

IF YOU WERE A FLY ON THE WALL, WHOSE WALL WOULD IT BE?

Stormy Daniels, I’d go back to her wall… Actually no, I don’t want to watch Donald Trump having sex.

But I’d want to be a fly on her wall now while she’s doing negotiations with administration. What a baller, no pun intended.

Felicity Ward is currently touring nationwide. For tickets, please visit felicityward.com

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/INSPIRE/HUMOUR

OCTOBER 2018 • 143

LAUGH

Beat the Cartoonist!

In the November Issue

Interview: Ethan Hawke Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in midOctober. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50.

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption by October 9. We’ll announce the winner in our November issue.

The actor on family life, his dream projects and rock n roll.

CARTOONS : JAMES GRIF FITHS / PETER A. KI NG

August’s Winner There were some fantastic reader entries to our cartoonist competition last month, but for a change our resident cartoonist finally claimed a win with his caption: “Just a bug, nothing to worry about.” He took home 53 per cent of the vote and can hold his head high… until next month. Enter online for the chance to knock him off his throne.

144 • OCTOBER 2018

Sex After 50

We meet the couples who prove that life in the bedroom starts after 50…

Plus BEST OF BRITISH: VICTORIAN BRITAIN We travel back in time to discover the Britain the Victorians knew.

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