Reader's Digest UK May 2016

“I’m

Patrick Stewart talks acting, age and diversity PAGE 22 More

Parsons on a lifetime

FEATURES

14 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

There’s no such thing as British food, says Olly Mann

Entertainment

22 PATRICK STEWART INTERVIEW

The seasoned actor speaks about life, the Labour Party and confounding expectations

30 “I REMEMBER”: NICHOLAS PARSONS

The host of Just A Minute on how he’s sustained a showbiz career for almost 70 years Health

40 THE POWER OF GRATITUDE

Why feeling thankful could transform your life Inspire

58 “I WOULDN’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE”

Firefighters open up about their dramatic working lives

68 BEST OF BRITISH: PIERS

Seaside structures with much to offer a modern crowd

Travel & Adventure

78 GETTING TO THE OTHER SIDE

How amputee Peter Bowker travelled across the Greenland ice cap—unsupported

90 GHOST FISH

The Australian initiative that’s cleaning up the oceans and transforming rubbish into art

Technology

112 ONE STEP AT A TIME

Meet the young entrepreneur who’s turning our footfall into sustainable energy

EDITOR’S LETTER

EVERY SO OFTEN, you meet someone who exceeds all expectations. Patrick Stewart is just such a person, being at once funny, charming and a terrific actor—as demonstrated by his left-of-field performance in new thriller Green Room (warning: it’s not for the faint hearted). You can read my chat with him on p22.

This issue is also a celebration of heroes: in the form of firefighters and their diverse roles on p58; and the amazing Peter Bowker on p78, who managed to cross the Greenland ice cap unassisted despite losing a leg in Afghanistan. Laurence Kemball-Cook might also qualify for the title soon— his scheme to harness the energy from footsteps has truly revolutionary potential. Find out more on p112.

Finally, no discussion of colourful personalities is complete without mentioning Nicholas Parsons. Now in his 93rd year, Nicholas looks back on his amazing broadcasting career— including five decades helming BBC’s Just a Minute—on p30. Enjoy!

Tom Browne

theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk

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Musical milestones

Brian Wilson is touring this month to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds. To welcome him to the UK, we’re taking a look back at the creation of a pop masterpiece. May also marks the 60th birthday of Elvis Presley’s first UK hit “Jailhouse Rock”, so we’re paying homage to an icon with the story of his life in pictures. Visit readersdigest.co.uk/entertainment/music

Bank-holiday breaks

If you’re planning a getaway this month, take inspiration from our mini-guides to Britain at readersdigest.co.uk/BestBritish, including Devon, Pembrokeshire, Belfast and Inverness-shire. And if you want some holiday books to take with you, check out our favourite May reads at readersdigest.co.uk/books—there’s the chance to win the lot! trick

twitter.com/readersdigestuk

May 18 is International Museum Day. We love these surreal paintings from South Korea’s Trick Eye Museum.

For more laughs, visit readersdigest. co.uk/inspire/laugh

Over to You

LETTERS ON THE MARCH ISSUE

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✯ LETTER OF THE MONTH...

“Best of British: Market

Towns” was interesting. We live in a lovely market town in Shropshire called Much Wenlock. It was in this little settlement that the famous William Penny Brookes brought the Olympic Games back to life. To this day, we hold our own Olympic Games annually in the grounds of the William Brookes School, when all the surrounding villages and towns send their athletes to compete.

We regularly get troops of dancers, Salvation Army musicians and jugglers performing in our square in the centre of town, which is also the gathering place on Monday morning for the many folk who love to take part in one of the organised walks that have become so popular. Many come back time and again because they say we have such a wonderful atmosphere. RAYMOND PARDOE, Shropshire

THE HUMAN TOUCH

“A Boy Called Anton” was a lovely story. I have a very close friend with a form of autism. As a child in the 1930s, when no one had heard of the condition, he learned to conform in order to survive. Being very clever in so many ways, he soon made his way in the world, but his personal life

was fraught with misunderstanding and heartbreak.

We’re all human beings and like to do things in our own way. A person with autism is neither conventional nor unconventional— just themselves. I wouldn’t change my friend for the world.

PHILIPPA SAMPSON, Devon

CENTRE OF COMMUNITY

“If I Ruled the World” with Dave Myers and Si King, otherwise known as The Hairy Bikers, was a fun read. They made some good suggestions, including investing heavily in our local high streets.

This matters. If high streets are left to fade, it leaves a hollow space running right through the heart of our communities—which should be an energised and engaging place for people to gather.

The government needs to help high streets adapt, compete and thrive—developing not only shops but entertainment and culture. I truly believe high streets are the key to fostering strong communities.

DAISY DAVID, Hertfordshire

PREACHING TOLERANCE

The story of Omar El-Hussein in “The Making of a Jihadist” really shocked me. He committed a brutal act of terrorism, but no one fully understands why.

I remain continually perplexed as to why some people must resort to destruction to support their faith, especially when they kill fellow believers. It doesn’t prove anything and it can only bring greater misery and suffering to the innocent.

The world belongs to every human being. It must be shared as equally as possible, with fundamental rights to live our lives as we choose.

SHONA LLOYD, Denbighshire

IN FAVOUR OF FITNESS

I partly agree with Olly Mann’s opinion in “Why I’ve Had Enough of Gyms”. You can join for all the wrong reasons and not even bother going—but flip the coin.

I lived in South Africa for 30 years, where I cycled and played squash and football. At the age of 50, I returned to England and became a couch potato—and later found out I had type 2 diabetes.

Joining the local gym is one of the best decisions I’ve made. The gym gave me a reason to exercise (seeing as I’d paid for it) and a goal to work towards. It was well worth it for me, especially as the diabetes is now under control.

PETER HIGGINS, Rugby

A HEALTHY REMINDER

Thank you for your feature “Keeping Your Kidneys Healthy”. I had kidney stones recently and I never want to experience anything like that again— so it was a perfect time to learn more about how to keep my little guys healthy.

JACK WEBB, Denbighshire

FORD KUGA ZETEC WITH REAR PARKING SENSORS AND PREMIUM PAINT FROM ONLY £95* ADVANCE PAYMENT. TO FIND OUT MORE, VISIT FORD.CO.UK/MOTABILITY OR CALL 0345 60 40 019.

the streets of london are a canvas—or, to be exact, the city’s flat trampled blobs of chewing gum are. since 1998, Ben Wilson has made it his goal to transform these unsightly splotches into colourful works of art. so far, a keen eye has about 10,000 chances to discover one of these miniature paintings in the capital—with more to come.

Although he’s often questioned by the police, Ben doesn’t need to fear any fines as he only paints the surface of the gum, rather than city property.

There’s no such thing as “British food”—and every variety of cuisine is welcome on Olly Mann’s plate

From Jam Roll To Jalfrezi

Olly Mann is a writer, LBC presenter and serial podcaster, with shows including Answer Me This!, The Media Podcast and The Modern Mann

Have you cHosen your deatH-row meal? As in, the dish you’d request for your last supper should you find yourself in Texas, guilty of double homicide. I know mine: grilled baby chicken served with a side of tzatziki, as ordered over three decades by my late father at his favourite restaurant Halepi—a Greek-Cypriot joint near Notting Hill where tables buzz with chatter, and an open grill fills the air with a salty aroma of citrus, garlic and charred meat.

I guess it would be bad form to suck burnt skin, off-thebone, as one heads to the electric chair, but there you are: that’s what I’d select as my final meal, and eating it would remind me of home, despite the fact I’m not from Cyprus.

I was rem I nded of t HI s when I heard that the city of Verona has banned the opening of “ethnic” eateries. Their mayor, Flavio Tosi, claims his policy preserves Italian food culture. However, since we all know that Italians require no encouragement whatever to go out and eat pizza, I presume his real intention is to reassure his far-right supporters that migrants are no longer welcome to set up shop.

Consider what would happen if foreign cuisine was similarly restricted in Britain. There would be a few positives perhaps, not least a reduction in litter on our streets: those half-eaten pitas and foil wrappers distributed by drunks in a diaspora of detritus. Fewer greasy takeaways, I grant you,

might make our streets seem more salubrious. The cheap plastic chairs of the peri-peri shacks; the neon signs of the noodle bars—these must all be rather dispiriting if you’re of a generation who remembers such

places when they were independent fruiterers, or fishmongers, or, oh I don’t know, curtain-tailors, or moustache barbers, or whatever the hell the UK used to have when we had local stores.

But aesthetic issues are unrelated to the nationality of the restauranteurs. While some entrepreneurial arrivals to our country have taken advantage of Britain’s desire for fast food and supplied us with it accordingly, they have also, literally, spiced up our lives in the process.

Imagine, if you can, stag nights without biryani. Football matches without hot dogs. Hipsters without tapas. In 2016, “foreign” food culture is British food culture. Witness the zombie hordes of office workers lining up for burritos and churros in their lunch break. The slow surrender of the nation’s fridges to everexpanding ranges of hummus. The middleclass fetish for overpriced burgers.

could buy in petrol stations was Ginsters pasties and petrol. Neither product an advisable beverage.

Even the Queen is an culinary internationalist: coronation chicken, created to commemorate her ascension to the throne, is, essentially, a 1950s showcase for curry powder. The fusion of Indian and French influences in a dish designed to herald the new monarch is as close to a political statement as the Palace ever makes.

Even the most patriotic of British pubs may now offer calamari, ribs and sweetpotato

If the Japanese hadn’t brought us sushi restaurants, the only fish that would ever pass my lips would be dipped in batter, fried within an inch of its life and served with mushy peas. If the Italians hadn’t exported us espresso (which the Americans then satanically repackaged as milkshake) I wouldn’t be sipping on this delicious yet preposterous half-litre of hazelnut latte as I write this. I bought it in a petrol station. A petrol station! Before foreign food came to Britain, all you

fries

I’m not sayIng there isn’t a place for a full English breakfast, a toad-in-the-hole, or an Eton Mess—and that place, at almost any opportunity, is my stomach. Pub grub, puddings and fry-ups are all wonderful when well made. But the British appetite has broadened. Even the most patriotic of pubs may now offer calamari, ribs and sweet-potato fries. Wetherspoons—who model their establishments on the idealised public house described in George Orwell’s essay “The Moon Under Water”—are culinarily synonymous not with Orwell’s suggestions of “a cut off the joint, two vegetables and boiled jam roll”, but with Thursday night Curry Club.

We are now a nation that loves multicultural food, regardless of our views on multiculturalism. I bet even the English Defence League heads out for a curry after another hateful day of shouting in the rain.

So we’d, surely, have no desire to copy Verona and veto new foods from making their way to these islands. But Mayor Tosi might be pleased that my reading up on the Veronese cuisine he’s allegedly protecting

has made me want to sample some of the dishes, pronto: where have you been all my life, slowly simmered red-wine risotto, creamy cheesesmothered polenta and slow-cooked duck ragu?

Veronese migrants, you’re most welcome to come to my street and set up shop. And if your food is as good as it sounds, there would soon be a queue. Nothing could be more British.

TRUISMS acco R d I ng T o TRUM p

He’s dominated the media over the last few months—and the republican hopeful knows how to spin a newsworthy line, if nothing else:

on obesity: “I have never seen a thin person drinking diet Coke.”

on women: “you know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”

on technology: “I don’t do the email thing.”

on Hilary clinton: “If Hilary can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can change america?”

on Senator John Mccain: “He’s a war hero because he was captured? I like people who weren’t captured.”

on his own attractiveness: “all of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

on his wealth: “Part of the beauty of me is I’m very rich.”

on his children: “I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

on singer cher: “I don’t wear a ‘rug’—it’s mine. and I promise not to talk about your massive plastic surgeries that didn’t work.”

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Films

by to M b R owne

Movie of the Month

■ DRAMA: The DaughTer This terrific Australian film uses a narrative beloved of classic literature—a stranger (in this case Christian, played by Paul Schneider) returns to town after a long gap, bringing a secret that threatens to tear apart the lives of his wealthy father Henry (Geoffrey Rush), his old friend Oliver (Ewen Leslie), Oliver’s wife Charlotte (Miranda Otto) and daughter Hedvig (Odessa Young).

A family in crisis: Ewen Leslie, Odessa Young and Sam Neill in The Daughter

This is the kind of ensemble drama that encapsulates the very best of Australian filmmaking (see in particular 2001’s Lantana, also starring Rush). It brilliantly teases out the dilemmas that affect us all, and how different characters respond to these pressures. Special mention must also be made of Sam Neill as Oliver’s world-weary father Walter, a man who’s witnessed much tragedy and wears his scars on his sleeve.

■ coMeDy: Florence FosTer

Jenkins The title character (played with great vim by Meryl Streep) gained fame in the 1930s and 40s as an amateur opera singer with a notable lack of talent —something that didn’t stop her from performing or making records. This fine biopic is often played for laughs, but there’s real pathos too, and the film gains extra Brownie points for a wonderful turn from Hugh Grant as Florence’s doting but duplicitous husband.

■ biopic: i saw The lighT Casting the quintessentially British thespian Tom Hiddleston as country-music legend Hank Williams seems like a bold, if not foolish, idea. But his performance —alongside that of Elizabeth Olsen as Hank’s wife Audrey—is the highlight of an otherwise sluggish film, which fails to contextualise Williams’ life and can’t hold a candle to the Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line. The music and the leads, however, make it worth your time.

■ tHRiLLeR: green room A punkrock band play a gig at a club run by a neo-Nazi group, then find themselves trapped and facing the wrath of gang leader Darcy Banker (Patrick Stewart— see interview on p22) after witnessing a murder. This third outing from director Jeremy Saulnier lacks the originality of his previous effort Blue Ruin, but if you want stripped-down thrills and in-yourface violence, it packs a hell of a punch.

■ peRioD: love & FrienDship This breezy adaptation of a Jane Austen short novel follows the scheming Lady

Susan Vernon (Kate Beckinsale) as she sets about finding a new husband for herself and her reluctant daughter Catherine (Emma Greenwell ), all the while scandalising society. The laughs come thick and fast despite the uneven plotting, and Beckinsale

—who’s given dialogue to chew on—is excellent.

DVD of the month

■ room*

Brie Larson gives a terrific, Oscar-winning performance in this intense kidnap drama.

On Your Radar Sue Watt, cleaning supervisor

WaT ching: g ame of Thrones (box set) I’m finding this tough and very gory at times. A strong stomach and an open mind are required!

ReaDing: us by David nicholls

Charming and captivating—I feel as if I know the characters personally.

Online: classic words Recommended to me by my mum, this scrabble game is working wonders for my mental agility.

l isT ening: wilder mind by Mumford & Sons They always take me on a roller coaster of emotions, with songs that build and build.

Fancy appearing in this section? Send your current cultural favourites, along with short descriptions, to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

Music

by MA n D i G oo D ie R

come all sufferers by Gabriel

bruce

Album of the Month

This highly distinctive album broods with the intensity of Nick Cave and the low-pitched energy of Iggy Pop. Gabriel Bruce’s lyrics are rich in visual imagery, combining the biblical with modern-day culture (“Kurt & Kanye”) and seething with betrayed love and melancholy.

So why all the negativity? Well, this is a break-up album, but it’s as much about trying to find comfort and faith in the future. The music also finds plenty of uplifting spaces, positioning itself between Eighties’ dance beats and droning goth, resulting in a sort of discogoth vibe. The end result is a classic bare-all record.

Key tracks: “Metal Soul”, “Gates of Babylon”, “Hold Me Close, Holy Ghost” Like this? You may also like: John Maus, Kindness, Lou Reed

overlooked Record from the past

shleep by Robert wyatt

Ever the experimenter, Robert Wyatt brought together disparate genres and collaborators to produce this sleep-inspired album in 1997. The first song, “Heaps of Sheeps”, features compatriot Brian Eno and sets a happy, dreamlike tone, while “Blues in Bob Minor”—a reference to Bob Dylan’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues”—features an instrumental arrangement by Paul Weller. But even though there are plenty of surprises along the way as the album floats between jazz, pop and blues, Shleep never loses its lulling ambience.

On Our Radar national pet Show, exceL London, May 7. Displays and advice for existing and potential pet owners.

belfast Film & comic con, May 14–15. Celebrating film, TV, fantasy and cosplay. edinburgh Marathon, May 29. A 26-mile run taking in the city’s iconic landmarks.

“I Don’t Know Gone” Where The Years Have

From stage to screen, from Shakespeare to Star Trek, Patrick Stewart has long been one of Britain’s most respected actors. But his latest role might just raise a few eyebrows…

BY TOM BROWNE

“I settled down one evening at 8pm with the script, and on page 40 I got up and checked that all the doors and windows in my house were locked,” says Patrick Stewart, chuckling at the memory. “My house in Oxfordshire is quite isolated, so I put the lights on and turned on the perimeter security system. I checked that the cameras were actually working. Then I poured myself a large glass of Scotch.”

Anyone who’s seen Patrick’s new film Green Room will be unsurprised by this reaction. A grim, violent and frankly terrifying thriller set in a confined location, it’s the kind of film that has you looking over your shoulder a long time after it ends. In this way, it’s similar in tone to Deliverance, a classic horror movie from the Seventies about an ill-fated trip into the wilderness. Patrick nods when I make the comparison.

“Yes, Deliverance is the movie I quote all the time—I’ve been doing so since I was on set. There’s a growing sense that something really bad is going to happen. You’re dealing with people who won’t be interested in sitting down, having a chat over a cup of coffee and working things out.”

If this is hard to reconcile with the Patrick Stewart we’re used to seeing as Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek or Professor Charles Xavier in the X-Men films, then it’s even harder

when you meet him face to face. Chatty, lively, funny and downright charming, he’s the kind of man who instantly puts you at ease. Somewhat different, then, from the character he plays in Green Room—Darcey Banker, the leader of a white-supremacist group, whose reaction to a punk-rock band that threatens to derail his illicit

plans is less than reassuring. So what’s a nice guy like Patrick doing in a film like this?

“In the last few years, my main pursuit has been diversity,” he replies, after a thoughtful pause. “I have Picard and Xavier on either shoulder, and they’ve had such an enormous impact on my life. Often there’s a

misconception that these characters are who Patrick Stewart is. It’s been a blessing and curse.”

It’s a blessing in the sense that you can confound people’s expectations by playing completely against type, I suggest. There’s evidence of that in another recent project: Blunt Talk, an edgy TV comedy series produced

Patrick Stewart as Darcey Banker in Green Room, along with his cohorts

“I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE YEARS HAVE GONE”

by Family Guy creator and comedian Seth MacFarlane, which completed its first series in America last year. Patrick agrees.

“Five minutes into the very first episode,” he observes, “my character is driving his Jag down Hollywood Boulevard, drinking whiskey out of a flask, eating chocolate marijuana and picking up a transexual prostitute. So the reputation I’ve acquired—which I thought was an albatross—has become this launchpad for doing outrageous things.”

It’s obvious that Patrick takes a giddy delight in this newfound freedom.

For many years, before Star Trek came knocking, the classically trained Stewart was content with

the opportunities afforded him by the Royal Shakespeare Company (RSC) and the rich pleasures of the British stage.

“I never had ambitions towards film and TV,” he confesses, “even though film had been my obsession when I was a child. The theatre was where I wanted to be, in the best possible circumstances—the best actors, the best directors and the best material. I found that with the RSC. I remember, after I’d been there five or six years, an actor saying, ‘You know, you ought to get out and do something else. There’s all kinds of stuff going on.’ And I replied, ‘Why should I leave? I’ve got everything I want here.’ ”

These days, when actors regularly switch from stage to television to cinema and back again, accepting the role of Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek doesn’t appear that unusual. But it

With close friend and X-Men co-star Sir Ian McKellan

Patrick embracing his outrageous side in TV comedy Blunt Talk

was far from obvious when Stewart signed on in 1987, and by no means a guaranteed success.

“I’d been advised that it wouldn’t get through the first season, that it’d be cancelled. Everyone I knew in Hollywood said the same, including my agent. ‘Don’t worry about signing a six-year contract, this show is going nowhere.’ By the time the second season began, we were all thinking, What have we got ourselves into? I had a mild panic—I thought, Is this going to be the rest of my life? I’ve got things I need to do.”

Stewart’s response to this malaise was to get on the road in his spare time and onto any stage he could find.

“The rest of the cast thought I was out of my mind, but on Saturday mornings I’d settle down and create a number of solo shows. Then, on weekends, I’d pack everything into the trunk of my car and go to a college or a community centre or a campus and put on a show. I had a Shakespeare show, a Tennyson show, an Arthurian show. But the one that took off was A Christmas Carol —I ended up doing it four times on Broadway and twice in London. It gave me the sense that the theatrical world was still mine if I wanted to exist in it.”

It’s clear from this that, despite living in Los Angeles for 17 years, the Hollywood milieu was never an ideal fit for Stewart. He returned to Britain permanently in 2014, and today seems more engaged than ever in British public life. As a selfproclaimed socialist and activist, he doesn’t shrink from expressing his opinion on the current government and the state of the Labour party.

I’m beginning to have the feeling that there’s a route for the Labour party that might be very exciting for the country

“I think that Jeremy [Corbyn] has begun to find a voice that’s clearly authentic and passionate,” he states with conviction. “I’m beginning to have a feeling that there’s a route for Labour that might be very exciting for the country. I carried a placard for the first election after the war in 1945, when [Labour prime minister] Clement Attlee got in, and those principles remain my principles.”

He leans forwards and fixes me with a determined look.

“I fear the stubbornness and self-obsession of the Tories, and the damage they can do. We all know the Tory party is essentially a party of self-interest, no matter what they say. What’s the phrase they use? Oh yes, ‘compassionate conservatism’. Bulls**t! There’s no such thing as compassionate conservatism. It’s

“I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE YEARS HAVE GONE”

exclusively about self-interest and protecting the status quo.”

His outspokenness has even led him into the world of Twitter and social media—albeit at the urging of his publicist. “She took me out for breakfast about three years ago and said, ‘You’ve got to get involved. It’s essential for the work that you do and the work that you want to do. You’ve got to engage.’ ”

Indeed, there’s plenty to engage with in the near future. As well as another season of Blunt Talk, this September sees Patrick once again on stage in Harold Pinter’s No Man’s Land with his great friend and X-Men co-star Ian McKellen. Then there’s another “X-Men related” Hollywood blockbuster, about which he’s appropriately tight-lipped. Although now 75, Patrick appears to have the energy and drive of someone 30 years younger.

“I don’t know what happened,” he says, shaking his head. “I mean, that’s not an affectation on my part— I really don’t know what happened. I was 45 the other week, and I don’t know where those 30 years have gone. That’s one of the reasons I’ve gone back to meditation, because it slows time down.

“Also, I take more care of myself now than ever before. I hold onto the bannisters when I go downstairs and look both ways many times when I cross the road. Although I’m mystified by how I got here, I don’t want to leave now. I want to hang around this place as long as possible. I didn’t use to have fun—I was too serious and insecure—but now I’m having such fun.”

Green Room is in cinemas this month and is reviewed on p20. For Star Trek DVDs and more, visit shop.readersdigest.co.uk

MR SERIOUS

A reviewer on Amazon.co.uk (rumoured to be a parent who’s bored of bedtime stories) has posted some enlightening reviews of the Mr Men series. Here are some of our favourite reflections:

Mr Bounce: “An infant’s primer in Existentialism, we find in this book a weighty treatise on the personal politics of agency and empowerment.”

Mr Messy: “If 1984 or The Trial had been a children’s book, Mr Messy would be it. No literary character has ever been so fully and categorically obliterated by the forces of social control.”

Mr Tickle: “Our hero preaches a method of catharsis—a call to arms against becoming too bogged down by self-suppression and normative regulation.”

Nicholas Parsons, 92, is a presenter and actor. He has hosted Just a Minute, BBC Radio 4’s longest-running comedy, for nearly 50 years. He continues to tread the boards, performing at the Edinburgh Fringe each year

“I Remember” Nicholas Parsons

…SEEING A TRAVELLING CIRCUS WHEN I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD. The sight of elephants walking single-file down the high street, followed by clowns and acrobats, captivated me. I think it instilled me with the ambition to become a performer.

The circus was parading through Grantham, where I was born. My father was a doctor and his patients included Mr and Mrs Roberts, who owned the grocer’s shop. I was told it was my father who brought their daughter Margaret—the future Mrs Thatcher—into the world.

…MY FIRST PLAY. My father moved his practice to London and by 1939 we were living in a large house in Hampstead. I attended St Paul’s School, winning caps at rugby and cricket for the under-16s teams.

But my parents didn’t approve of my acting ambitions. My mother told me I should pursue it only as a hobby. So through one of my father’s patients, I appeared as a schoolboy in The Housemaster by Ian Hay, which was put on by an amateur company. I felt in my natural element, performing it in two country houses and in London.

…TRAINING AN ENGINEER ON THE CLYDEBANK. As my parents refused to accept acting was a “proper job”, I was sent away on an engineering apprenticeship to a pump and turbine firm. It was a total culture shock for a 16-year-old.

I started work early when it was dark and snow lay on the ground, and I was surrounded by these men talking broad, guttural Glaswegian.

Luckily, my ability to tell jokes and do impersonations endeared me to my workmates. One came up to me and said, “Nick, we like ye, in spite of

A family holiday in Scotland when Nicholas (far right) was 13; (below) in the Home Guard in Clydebank (second row, left)

the blackout curtains. The sky was glowing red in the distance. It seemed lighter than it had been at dusk.

yer right English way of talking and yer proper manners.” I developed a broad Glaswegian accent, which I can still use to this day.

…WITNESSING THE BLITZ FROM THE TOP OF HAMPSTEAD HEATH.

While in Scotland I enlisted with a friend for the Home Guard. We were issued with pikes. Quite what use they’d have been if we’d been in action I’ll never know.

But one night in December 1940, having come back to London for Christmas, as the air-raid sirens that always sent a shiver down the spine started going off, I peeped through

My father and I decided to investigate, walking up to Whitestone Pond, the highest point of Hampstead Heath, where on a clear day you can see the City of London. We stared in disbelief as the entire City looked like a great red-and-yellow fireball. In the middle of it all was St Paul’s, lit up in a way no floodlighting could have managed. This was a fireblitz. The Germans were trying to destroy London by using incendiaries, not explosives. It was spectacle I’ve never forgotten.

…MY FIRST PROFESSIONAL ENGAGEMENT.

My performing ambitions were undiminished after the war. I did three impersonations in four minutes on the Carroll Levis radio show, broadcast by the BBC live from the Paris Cinema on Regent Street. I did well enough to be invited back.

I’d been doing impersonations of people like Max Miller, W C Fields and Tommy Trinder at concert parties already. What I found was that the stutter I had in conversation disappeared when I was on stage.

Nicholas (left) in The Arthur Haynes Show in 1960. “We understood each other instinctively”

The Germans were trying to destroy London by using incendiaries. It was a spectacle I’ve never forgotten

…REALISING MY STRENGTH WAS CHARACTER COMEDY. In the late 1940s, I had a string of parts in several West End plays including The Hasty Heart, Charley’s Aunt —which had gorgeous costumes by Cecil Beaton—and Hay Fever. But although people thought I looked like the type who ran through the French windows and asked, “Anyone for tennis?”, I never felt comfortable in that sort of role. I felt my forte was character acting and comedy.

…MEETING KENNETH WILLIAMS FOR THE FIRST TIME. It was while appearing in The School for Scandal at the New Theatre, Bromley, in 1948. He was in a small, straight role, but he was an eccentric even then. A lot of the other actors found him odd and overbearing, but I loved his camp, theatrical tales and his gift for outrageous ad-libbing. I’d never have thought he’d become the cult figure he did, though.

…DOING CABARET. In desperation to escape typecasting as the juvenile lead and to prove my comedic skills, I developed a cabaret act. The West End circuit—which included clubs such as the Pigalle, the Café de Paris and the Colony—no longer exists. It’s like looking back on a lost age of glamour and sophistication.

It was a terrific—and terrifying— proving ground, as you never knew how audiences would react. Often they’d ignore you or abuse you; sometimes they’d even attack you.

With Ian Carmichael in the 1958 film Happy is the Bride

One night at Quaglino’s, I took off Winston Churchill, the then prime minister, which in those days wasn’t done. One drunken gentleman was so incensed he rushed the stage and took a swing at me before collapsing in a heap at my feet. The funny thing was, the rest of the audience carried on eating as if nothing had happened.

…BEING BLESSED IN TEAMING UP WITH ARTHUR HAYNES. We worked together for ten years from the mid-1950s, and The Arthur Haynes Show was the most popular comedy sketch show on TV of its day.

Although Arthur and I were from different social backgrounds, we spoke the same professional language. We understood each other instinctively. He was from a music-hall background, and was a little unsure of himself when it came to working in front of the camera because he didn’t always learn his lines. He had all the sense of a sketch, but sometimes not all the words.

Fortunately I do have a good memory, and in the age of live television, I’d often feed him the lines, saying things like, “Mr Haynes, I think the word you’re searching for is…” Of course, the audience loved it.

Although Arthur Haynes and I were from different social backgrounds, we spoke the same professional language

…FEELING SAD WHEN ARTHUR BROKE UP OUR PARTNERSHIP.

I really thought we were going to go on to better things. When we visited the US, Ed Sullivan told Arthur, “You ought to hang on to him, he’s the best straight man I’ve ever seen.”

But I landed on my feet after we split, being asked to take over from Leslie Phillips as the lead in the West

Fooling around with Paul Merton on a Just a Minute press shoot

End farce Boeing-Boeing.

To have my name in lights at the Duchess Theatre, Aldwych, was the height of my ambition at the time. We played to packed houses for 15 months.

Sale of the Century reached 21 million viewers in the 1980s

But Arthur, who beneath his relaxed exterior was really rather tense and had already had one heart attack, felt the strain of keeping his show going with falling TV ratings, and suffered a second attack in 1966, dying aged 52.

…BLOTTING MY COPYBOOK WITH THE CARRY ON TEAM.

I’d enjoyed being in some really well-made and successful comedies in the late 1950s, working with the great producer-director team, the

Boulting Brothers, in films such as Brothers in Law, Carlton-Browne of the F O and Happy is the Bride, alongside Richard Attenborough, Ian Carmichael and Terry-Thomas. But working with the Carry On team was a different matter as budgets were much tighter. Filming Carry On Regardless, after I asked for another take to get a scene right, I was reported as being fussy and they never used me again.

…JUST A MINUTE WAS A FLOP WHEN IT WAS FIRST PILOTED. To begin with, I’d wanted to be on the panel, but producer David Hatch told me, “Do the chairmanship for

the pilot and if we get the series, you go on the panel.” Well, the pilot was a disaster. The only thing they liked was my chairmanship.

We tweaked it and got rid of lots of inhibiting rules, and now nearly 50 years later, we’re Radio 4’s longestrunning comedy, pulling in over twoand-a-half-million listeners a week.

…BEING FORCED TO MOVE HOUSE.

Sale of the Century was a huge hit for me when I hosted it in the 1970s. But it raised my profile to the extent that my wife and I had to move from the dream cottage we’d bought on the edge of Hampstead Heath. I’m a keen gardener, but there was no fence between the garden and the heath, and people used to come and stare at me. We moved to the Berkshire countryside, but my

Nicholas admitted he’d never heard of The Rocky Horror Show before he started narrating it; (right) with Annie, his wife of 22 years

This

really is

the most

insecure business in the world. There’s no surer phrase than, ‘You’re only as good as your last job’

wife couldn’t adjust to life outside London and it led to the eventual break-up of our marriage. These days, my second wife Annie and I split our time between the country and a little flat in London, and it works very well.

…SUFFERING ANXIETY IN THE LATE

1980s. After finishing Sale of the Century, no one thought I was fit for anything else. It was as if I had to prove myself all over again. This really is the most insecure business in the world. There’s no surer phrase than, “You’re only as good as your last job.” Even today, just before I go on to chair Just a Minute, I’m thinking, Well, this has worked before, but will

it work again? Then the producer announces you, the adrenalin starts running, the audience responds and you’re away.

…THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW

INTRODUCED ME TO A NEW AUDIENCE. When they first asked me to be the narrator, I said, “They want me to be in the remake of Rocky? I haven’t boxed since school.” I’d never heard of it. But I never turn down work—because I believe work breeds work.

…FIRST PERFORMING MY

HAPPY HOUR SHOW at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2000. Once again, it was a great way of reaching an audience of all ages; some of my earliest guests were Ross Noble, John Bishop and Michael McIntyre. I love the atmosphere during the Festival— I’ll be there again in this year. As told to Jack Watkins

Welcome to Just a Minute: A Celebration of Britain’s Best-Loved Radio Comedy (£9.99, Canongate) is available now.

JUST A (COUPLE OF) MINUTES

Having a long day? This fact provides a good old dose of perspective: If Earth’s history were condensed into 24 hours, life would have appeared at 4am, land plants at 10.24pm, dinosaur extinction at 11.41pm and human history would have begun at 11.58pm.

SOURCE: HUFFINGTONPOST.COM

The Most Interesting And Inspiring Job In The World

Len

LifeBook project manager

Tom Harnett explains why

I HAVE THE HONOUR of helping people all over the world write their autobiographies—giving their families and descendants a precious, timeless legacy. My job is one of the most interesting around and I do it because I was inspired by my grandfather Len.

Len was born in London’s East End. He served with the British Navy in Gibraltar during the Second World War, monitoring radar and radio for any sign of German submarines.

During his subsequent career he worked at a bank in Truro, which is now a shoe shop. When he retired, he would often drive with my grandmother Peggy to any given village or town on the map to “have a mosey”. He always won when we played Battleships together, claiming every time that it was because he’d had Navy training and I hadn’t. When watching snooker on the BBC,

with Peggy

he’d frequently lapse into gruff ambivalence whenever the commentators suggested a particular shot for the players to take.

These are the details I remember. However, I often wonder what my grandfather would have written if he had penned a memoir of his own. My family would have his stamp on social history, his experiences and perhaps his advice; most importantly, we would have his voice.

WHAT MAKES A LIFE STORY?

At LifeBook my role as project manager is to make the voice of your story unique to you. Conjured from your experiences, your memories and your legacy, it’s also how your family know and will remember you, how you influenced their lives without even realising.

Working with the many authors at LifeBook who share their stories in an autobiography, I always look for the smallest details that they include. How you felt when your first child was born, or perhaps that elation when you hit 100mph in your mother’s car (sorry, Mum), are details your loved ones may never have known before.

If there’s one thing my job has taught me, it’s that no matter how you lived your life, you have a story to share and an audience who will be captivated when they read it—simply because it’s your story and it’s you who’s telling it.

To start your very own family story and bring to life all those priceless memories for future generations to enjoy, let LifeBook’s interviewers and writers help you make it happen. Just call us now on 0800 999 2280 or email us at digest@lifebookuk.com

Len with Tom, 1993

How saying “thank you” can have positive effects on your health— and the well-being of others

Power Gratitude The of

BY LISA FIELDS

LAST YEAR, I FELT COMPELLED to bake brownies for complete strangers to say thank you.

I’d had to call 999 because I found my partner unconscious on the floor. Within minutes, a police car and an ambulance arrived, filled with first responders who whisked my partner away to the nearest hospital, where he received the critical care he needed.

BY KEITH NEGLEY

A week later, still marvelling at the kindness of strangers, I wrote thankyou notes to those helpful first responders and baked for them. It was a small gesture with a big impact. When I dropped off still-warm brownies at the police and fire stations, they thanked me for delivering gifts. Thanking me? All I’d done was bake; they’d saved a life.

I drove away feeling light and happy, partly because I’d done a good deed, but mostly because I was amazed that there are selfless people who do lifesaving work and expect nothing in return.

Later, I realised that my natural high might have been more than it seemed. Research has shown that sharing thoughts of gratitude and performing acts of kindness can boost your mood and have other positive effects on your health.

A good-for-you sentiment

When you feel thankful for things you’ve received or something that’s happened, that’s gratitude. It’s impossible to feel it in a vacuum; others are always responsible, whether they’re loved ones, strangers or a higher power. “Gratitude is how you relate to others, when you see yourself in connection with things larger than yourself,” Ruch says.

“We know from studies that gratitude really does have an impact on happiness, that it increases life satisfaction,” says Willibald Ruch, a psychology professor at the University of Zurich who researches the effects of character strengths such as gratitude and humour. “It’s among the top five predictors of happiness.”

You can make positive life changes by embracing gratitude. Here’s how:

Nowadays, too many people don’t stop to appreciate what they have, much less express gratitude. Our instantgratification lifestyle may be to blame.

“With commercial and social media, everything is speeding the younger generation to make them feel that they’re the centre of the universe,” says Tamiko Zablith, founder of the London-based etiquette consulting firm Minding Manners. “If it’s all about them, why thank others?”

Why not thank others? Studies have shown that people who express gratitude increase their happiness levels, lower their blood-pressure levels, get better-quality sleep, improve their relationships, have a positive impact on their depression levels and are less affected by pain.

And gratitude’s positive effects are long-lasting. Canadian researchers found that people who wrote letters

of thanks or performed good deeds for a mere six-week period were able to improve their mental health, decrease their bodily pain, feel more energetic and accomplish more daily tasks for up to six months.

Because gratitude is a relatively new field of study, researchers are trying to identify its cause-and-effect relationship with health benefits.

“We know that people who have higher levels of gratitude also report sleeping better, but we don’t really know why,” says Alex Wood, professor

Hörder, a researcher at the University of Gothenburg. “Maybe it’s some kind of confidence that you can cope with this and focus on the right things.”

Making someone else’s day

What about gratitude recipients? Research has confirmed that people who receive messages of thanks or acts of kindness experience positive emotions when they’re singled out. “Those are happy surprises—you’re not expecting coffee or for someone to hold the door open for you,” says

Gratitude is how you relate to others, when you see yourself in connection with things larger than yourself

of psychology and director of the Behavioural Science Centre at the University of Stirling. “Is gratitude leading to better sleep? Is sleep leading to more gratitude? Or could it be some third variable that leads to both gratitude and improved sleep?”

Gratitude can benefit people during all stages of life. Swedish researchers have found that people aged 77 to 90 who are thankful for what they have are less likely to dwell on the chance that they may grow frail.

“When they can’t change something, they choose gratitude and focus on what’s good: walking on their own legs, still being alive and living by themselves,” says study author Helena

Jo-Ann Tsang, associate professor of psychology at Baylor University in Texas. “You’re more likely to feel grateful if you receive help that’s unexpected. It’s different if a doorman holds the door than a stranger, because that’s not their job.”

When someone is the recipient of unexpected kindness or gratitude, he’s more likely to return the favour or pass kindness on. One study found that when someone is thanked, it more than doubles his chances of being helpful again, probably because he enjoys feeling socially valued.

Zablith likes the reaction she gets when she rewards a stranger who holds the door open for her at Starbucks

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with his rightful place in line in front of her.

“The look on his face is shock,” says Zablith. “He’ll be nicer to the cashier, the next person he sees at work. There’s a trickle-down effect.”

The give-and-take of gratitude can also deepen relationships. Studies show that when your partner regularly expresses gratitude, making you feel appreciated, you’re more likely to return appreciative, grateful feelings and stay committed to each other. One found that sharing gratitude with a

experience those things more intensively. Your brain gradually gets trained into a more appreciative mode, so the sense to be grateful increases.

“Even when our training is over, people still continue with this exercise, because they find it so rewarding. People enjoy looking up what happened a few weeks ago. It becomes a book of nice memories.”

Samuel Coster began a gratitude journal three years ago. When he was diagnosed with lymphoma a year later, it helped carry him through his illness.

If you share grateful thoughts with the person who helped you, it has the potential to bring you two closer together

partner makes you feel more responsible for his well-being and more satisfied with the relationship.

“You feel closer to the other person, and they feel closer to you,” Tsang says. “That creates an upward spiral.”

Gratitude 101

If you aren’t particularly grateful, you can learn to be. People who are instructed to keep gratitude journals, in which they write down three positive things that happen to them each day, cultivate gratitude over time.

“Initially people have some difficulty remembering what good things have happened.” Ruch says. “But if every evening you write them down, you

“Gratitude training certainly came to my aid during the dark times,” Coster says. “Did I get cancer? Yep. Did I also get to hang out with my family way more, gain a greater appreciation for life and get a few cool scars? Yep. And that’s the part I focus on.”

Expressing gratitude to others

When you share grateful thoughts with the person whom you’re thankful for, everyone benefits. And the effects will last longer than you’d expect: researchers found that people who write thank-you notes to people whom they haven’t properly thanked may boost their happiness levels and improve

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interpersonal relationships for up to six months.

“If you keep gratitude to yourself in a journal, it will make you happier, but if you share it with the person who helped you, it has the potential to bring you two closer together,” Tsang says.

John Kralik of California experienced this first-hand. He’d been feeling depressed and discouraged whenever he took account of his life: he’d been divorced twice; he wasn’t as close with his children as he wanted to be; his law practice wasn’t earning money despite the gruelling hours he devoted to work. At a particularly low point, he remembered his grandfather telling him, decades earlier, about the importance of gratitude. He decided to write 365 thank-you notes over 365 days, hoping for a positive change.

Immediately, he noticed his attitude and situation begin to improve. At the end of his thank-you-note year, he wrote a memoir called A Simple Act of Gratitude: How Learning to Say Thank You Changed My Life.

“I didn’t need a scientific study to know that if you’re grateful to people

and if you learn how to accept gratitude well from other people, your life will be enriched,” Kralik points out. “The first effects are that you realise that you have a much better life than you thought.”

I’d experienced such positive feelings after writing thank-you notes to those first responders, I decided to try again. This time, inspired by Kralik, I chose someone from my past whom I’d never thanked before: the secondary-school English teacher who’d encouraged my writing more than any other teacher I’d ever had. I hadn’t seen him in 25 years, so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to locate him, but I did. He’s in his eighties, living in a warm retirement town.

I spent an evening honing my letter, thanking him for the guidance and support that he’d given me years earlier. I may never hear back from him, but that isn’t the point. By taking time to put into words the impact my teacher had on my life and my career, I became infinitely more grateful and appreciative of what I’ve achieved in life, and I’ve been riding that burst of positivity for weeks.

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Getting Back On Your Feet

By sus A nn AH H ick L ing

Susannah is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

The evidence is piling up: sitting is bad for your health. A recent Canadian analysis of 47 studies concluded that people who remain seated for too long every day have an elevated risk of diabetes, heart disease, cancer and shorter life spans overall—even if they exercise.

BuT wHy?

When you’re parked on your posterior for long periods, your muscles aren’t contracting, disrupting blood flow. You experience big reductions in insulin sensitivity and glucose tolerance, and have larger amounts of fat in the blood. This can lead to type 2 diabetes, which in turn can increase the danger of blood clots or heart attack.

People who don’t get up and walk around frequently have an increase in a protein called fibrinogen—a major risk factor for deep vein thrombosis and cardiovascular disease.

As for the cancer connection, a lack of exercise may result in an increased level of C-reactive protein, which can put people at greater risk of breast and colon tumours.

Here’s how to move more throughout the day:

AT work

■ Exercise at your desk. Push up on your toes and rock back on your heels to get blood pumping from the feet to the

heart. You can also shift weight from one buttock to another.

■ Don’t cross your legs.

■ Work standing up. You can improvise a standup work station by placing your laptop on a raised breakfast bar, filing cabinet or bookshelf.

■ Have walking meetings rather than sitting at a conference table.

■ Make regular trips to the printer or water cooler.

■ Pay your colleagues a visit rather than sending them an email.

■ Go for a walk in your lunch hour.

■ Take the stairs instead of the lift and use the loo on a different floor.

AT HomE

■ Stand up during TV commercial breaks and do some light exercises.

■ Stand while waiting to see the doctor or chatting on the phone.

■ Leave notes to remind you to get up every 20 minutes.

as many as six per cent of Uk adults have uncontrolled hypertension: blood pressure that stays high even when they’re taking three or more tablets to bring it down. this means they could have a stroke at any moment.

a new trial might offer a solution. Six centres around the Uk—Barts in london, Birmingham heartlands, Glasgow, exeter, cardiff and Southampton—are recruiting people with the condition to take part in a potentially life-saving treatment.

known as the Wave iV study, it offers a one-off, non-invasive ultrasound procedure to treat the tiny nerves around the renal arteries. it lasts between one and two hours, and patients can usually go home the same day. Previous trials have shown a significant drop in blood pressure for 75 per cent of patients.

if you want to join the trial, call the WaVe iV trial Patient helpline on 0800 002 9205 or go to konamedical.com/ current-clinical-studies But beware: you’ll either receive the ultrasound treatment or a sham therapy—and initially you won’t know which one.

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7 Different Ways To Stop Worrying

1 cut out the caffeine. If you’re among the 15 per cent of Brits who suffer from anxiety, you may be able to soothe the jitters by banishing as many sources of caffeine as you can. These include chocolate, fizzy drinks and the obvious tea and coffee.

2 get active. Whether it’s cycling, hitting the gym or walking, the endorphins released will make you feel better about life.

3 Avoid stressful conversations. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed or tired, aim for “trouble-free”

time, especially near bedtime. Focus on relaxation rather than discussions that could lead to conflict.

4 don’t ignore your anxiety. Allow yourself to fret for up to 45 minutes— that may be all the time it takes for the anxious feeling to dissipate.

5 keep a diary. Jot down worrisome thoughts, then revisit them when you’re feeling calm and can work out plans to cope with them.

6 Take up a new hobby. Bored people tend to score higher on tests that measure levels of anxiety—so hobbies or other distractions could help you manage your distress.

7 watch a youTube video. Yoga or meditation tutorials are effective, non-medical ways of dealing with anxiety—and you won’t even have to leave your sitting room. Comedy clips can stimulate endorphins too.

smokE signALs

Many people are turning to e-cigarettes to help them stop smoking. They’re a lot less toxic than tobacco, but are they as harmless as they seem?

■ Vapers are 28 per cent less likely to quit conventional cigarettes, a recent US round-up of research discovered. many e-cigs contain nicotine that just keeps smokers hooked on the real thing.

■ other US lab-based research has found that

e-cigarettes damage cells in ways that could lead to cancer.

■ many e-cig flavouring products contain high levels of benzaldehyde, which irritates the airways. another flavouring chemical, diacetyl, is linked to bronchiolitis obliterans, a potentially fatal respiratory disease,

Studies in mice suggest that vaping can kill lung cells, boost superbugs and dampen the body’s ability to fight infection and increase inflammation.

The Best And Worst Drinks For Your Teeth

The good

Water. There’s nothing in it to harm your teeth—and drinking plenty of H2O is good for your general health. Milk. Full of calcium to help repair your enamel.

Beer. This is better than most other alcoholic drinks as it also contains plenty of bone-hardening calcium.

The bad

Fizzy drinks. The acidic CO2 bubbles can corode enamel.

sparkling white wine. Yes, even champagne can wear away that enamel coating.

Alcopops. Fizzy, sugary, acidic— these have high tooth-rot potential. Wine. White wine is acidic and will eat into your teeth, whereas the red stuff is a shocker for staining them.

Fruit juices. High in sugar and highly acidic, these aren’t good for gnashers.

The ugly drinking alcohol to excess. Nearly a third of UK cases of oral cancer have a link to overindulgence in drink—a sobering thought indeed.

do you want to give yourself the best possible chance in the bedroom department?

a large study of 50,000 middleaged men by the University of east anglia and harvard University in the US found that flavonoidrich foods such as blueberries are associated with a reduced risk of erectile dysfunction. So you could do a lot worse than to make sure you pick up a pack of these little fruits at the supermarket on a regular basis.

don’t like them? Fear not, there are other ways that don’t involve Viagra. the study found that cherries, blackberries, blackcurrants, citrus fruits and radishes all offered similar benefits. and flavonoid-rich red wine could help too (though, clearly, too much of it could be counterproductive!). meanwhile, five hours a week of brisk walking has also been shown to boost performance in the bedroom.

mEn’s HEALTH: BErry sExy

Separating Fact From Fiction

By max pem B erton

Max is a hospital doctor, author and newspaper columnist

Lights. Camera. aC tion. Everyone runs down the corridor, stethoscopes flung around necks, panting. It’s an emergency. The team works like a well-oiled machine, shouting orders, sticking in tubes, plugging in monitors; a buzzing, adrenalin-fuelled throng of activity.

Heroically, the doctor saves another life and—between having an affair with a nurse and getting his teeth whitened —finds the time to turn to the mother of the child he’s just saved and suavely mutter something witty, yet compassionate. It makes being an accountant seem rather dull, doesn’t it?

but working in a hospita L is nothing like this. I confess that when I started as a doctor, I believed the Hollywoodstyle hype that surrounds medicine. I broke into a cold sweat when, after my first week, I was given the crash bleep to hold for the afternoon. I imagined racing around, being called upon to perform daring, life-saving procedures.

However, after four hours of sitting in the doctors’ mess, watching Murder, She Wrote and eating Pringles, I realised I’d been duped. Medicine is rarely about running around. It’s actually rarely about saving lives. It’s about checking blood results and ordering X-rays—something the producers of Casualty and ER have ignored.

But the sense of excitement is pervasive. It’s fairly common for doctors and nurses to feel deflated when they realise it’s not quite how it seems on TV. Most people in hospital aren’t

going to die. And for those for whom it’s touch and go, much is just down to chance—all that medicine can do is optimise the chances.

It takes a while to realise that all aspects of medicine are of equal importance to the drama of saving lives. Watching someone having his boil lanced or medication changed is still a fulfilling job, because you’re helping other people.

there are stiLL those who hanker after a bit of drama, of course. They usually work in A&E. But one has only to sit in the waiting room for a while to see that there’s not much drama there, either. But there is a red phone. Occasionally, it rings. The department stops and holds its collective breath. This is the “blue call” phone, which

warns A&E staff of emergencies being brought in by ambulance.

Suddenly, the whole place lights up. Everyone rushes around, trying to find their aprons and gloves. There’s a palpable tension—anything could come hurtling through that door on a trolley. People prepare to push to the front so they can bask in the glory afterwards.

Then an 80-year-old lady is wheeled in, sitting upright and talking to the paramedics about her grandchildren. Everyone looks rather embarrassed; quietly, they take off their aprons and gloves, before offering her a cup of tea. This happens with such regularity that you’d think someone would put the kettle on beforehand.

Hot water. Milk. Tea bag. Not very exciting, is it?

Propping Your Baby Up Helps With Reflux

WHere DID tHe

mytH Come From?

Anyone who’s had even fleeting contact with babies will know that they’re really good at being sick. It’s assumed that sitting the baby up helps with reflux. This seems to make sense—surely this makes it less likely for their stomach contents to come out. Some parents even prop up the head end of the cot so the baby is sleeping at an angle, or they prop the baby up in bed after a feed.

WHat’S tHe trUtH?

There have been several in-depth studies looking at this, and there’s no evidence that keeping your baby upright eases reflux. Some babies do seem more prone to it than others, but the position the baby is placed in after the feed doesn’t affect this. In fact, one study found that sitting a baby in an infant seat at a 60-degree elevation actually had increased reflux compared to lying the baby on his or her back.

So, WHat’S tHe anSWer?

Sadly for all the parents of children who are prone to reflux, the only thing that can help is time. Reflux— also sometimes called “possetting”— is the result of the baby’s immature oesophagus, the tube that joins the mouth to the stomach. It usually stops around the age of 12–14 months, when the ring of muscle at the bottom of the oesophagus grows stronger so it can keep the contents of the stomach in.

A gift in your Will could save more children like Cordelia. Something to think about.

When baby Cordelia was born with congenital heart disease, her family was terrified she would die. But thanks to our research, surgeons were able to use an advanced technique to operate and save Cordelia’s life. Now she has grown to be a happy, healthy 7-year-old with her whole life ahead of her.

Gifts in Wills are crucial in helping babies born with congenital heart disease survive. They account for almost half of the British Heart Foundation’s entire funding.

“I Wouldn’t Want To Do Anything Else”

Firefighters aren’t merely heroes who risk their lives by walking into burning buildings. To discover their true role in today’s society, Lynne Wallis spoke to three with very different remits

“I WOULDN’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE”

DAVID WATERMAN

Former soldier

David Waterman

I had few transferable skills after five years in the army, but I knew the discipline that had been instilled in me would be useful as a firefighter.

We do a lot of other work aside from putting out fires nowadays. There was one case where a drunk young woman had fallen onto the tracks at Clapham Junction and the wheel of the train had cut her leg off at the knee. We had to get the power off and remove her from the lines. She didn’t know she had lost her leg, and it was pitiful to watch her repeatedly trying to stand. Her life had changed totally, in an instant. A firefighter had to put her leg into a bag, and he was shaking badly. Counselling is available, but we get through it in other ways, usually by talking afterwards.

is a local official for the Fire Brigades Union. and also station manager at Battersea fire station © PAUL

The worst fire I attended was in a high-rise block in Wimbledon in 1998. It was so vast that the cameras filming the tennis panned to the fire. I was standing outside in BA [breathing apparatus] when there was an explosion and burning furniture began raining down

WOOD

on us. It was the most scared I’ve ever been. When we crawled inside and extinguished one part, another part would reignite. Eventually, it burned itself out.

Around ten per cent of us are trained in urban search-and-rescue, and I was called to Glasgow in 2003 to be part of the rescue following a

It was the most scared I’ve ever been. When we extinguished one part, another part would reignite

factory explosion. Nine of us were flown by helicopter from London. We crawled around in the rubble looking for bodies and survivors— we’re trained to spot “indicators of life” and work with specially trained dogs. Families were anxiously waiting for news, adding to the pressure. We worked 12-hour shifts over three days. The next day I went to football with my son and the normality felt weird. All of me had gone into that job—it was too great a transition.

The resources we have now are just about adequate to meet the risk, so further cuts will increase the threat to life. Unfortunately, the days when the fire-and-rescue service was well resourced are long gone.

Firefighters are dwarfed by the massive flames from a warehouse blaze in London this year

DAVID BURN

David Burn has been a firefighter in Cumbria for 22 years. He is trained in flood rescue, which is just as well given recent events in his region

You can’t recreate flood rescue authentically in training because water behaves differently when it’s in an open area—there aren’t any rocks or trees to slow it down in urban areas, so it gains pace rapidly.

Our fire station was under eight feet of water, but we managed to get the fire engines out onto the main street. The phones at the Cumbria control room were ringing off the hook. We weren’t prepared, with just two dry suits between a crew of 11. We had to borrow row boats as no power boats were available. I swam to work in a padded tunic and running pants because my fire kit had floated away.

We rescued people while fighting against a fast current. You have to be careful that manholes don’t lift up as you walk over them as you can get sucked under. You have to be careful of cars and railings too. We had to persuade people not to wade through the floods, not least because all the drains back up and there’s raw sewage everywhere.

2013

We pitched our ladders into fast-flowing water to rescue people from their homes. I was crouched by one window holding a ladder for 20 minutes while colleagues rescued an elderly lady from a top window. I was so cold afterwards someone had to hold my cup so I could drink my tea, as my hands were shaking badly. I was in the water for two hours—there were no “fresh” crews to take over, so we worked 13-hour shifts solidly. Cold impedes because it slows you down. We rescued people from 50 flooded homes one day, in water up to our chins. It’s very

The aftermath of a helicopter crash in Glasgow in

frightening because the power has gone and people are in darkness and freezing cold temperatures, but some are still reluctant to come out. We pitched the ladder inside the boat and we had to coax them down, including an old man in his slippers. People were upset to leave possessions, so we gave them emotional support.

Firefighters rescue citizens stranded during the West Yorkshire floods last year

in those floods, but they didn’t complain. Some were heartbroken, and I had to take myself to a quiet place after seeing an elderly couple who had lost everything get very, very upset.

The public understand the other work we do, and they themselves are amazing. Some lost everything

After the floods, I remained cold for days, but I recovered. We feel uncomfortable accepting thanks because it’s our job, and we aren’t glory hounds. It’s what firefighters do. There’s a more to our work these days than just putting out fires.

“I WOULDN’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE”

PAULA SMITHERS

Paula Smithers has been a control firefighter—an operator who takes emergency fire-and-rescue calls—for 30 years. She won a Chief Fire Officer Commendation Award in 2014 for her part in a fire rescue

I work two nine-hour days and then two 15-hour nights. It’s tiring, but I wouldn’t want to do anything else. I take around 30 calls per shift, including hoax calls—you can’t afford to disregard anything or take anything lightly. Our motto is: if in doubt, turn out.

I was awarded for a call I took from a distressed midwife whose house was ablaze after her dishwasher caught fire during the night. She was in the rear bedroom, her disabled husband in the front. Both of the bedroom doors were open, so smoke was travelling, and she was worried about her four Red Setters that were trapped in the conservatory.

I got her to go to the window and shout to her husband to shut his bedroom door and open a window. My biggest concern was that she would go down to rescue the dogs and put herself at risk. I got her to put bedding under the door to keep the smoke out of her bedroom. Her lights were all out, so she was disorientated and she couldn’t see much. But I managed to keep her with me all the time.

After a while the dogs went quiet, having succumbed to smoke inhalation. She was devastated, but she would have died if she had gone down there. I had to keep saying, “Don’t go down. They will be here very soon, just another few minutes more and they will be here. You’re doing very well, Marga.”

I could see the progress of the fire engine on the screen—I was full of adrenaline. Marga did everything I asked, and eventually I heard sirens and then the firefighters inhaling through their BA. Fifteen firefighters got them out and were brilliant. Marga was very lucky to have had her mobile in her bedroom, as she’d never have made it downstairs to her landline in time. She was severely traumatised and devastated by the loss of her dogs, but glad to be alive.

RTAs (road-traffic accidents) can also be stressful. I took one where four young people had gone into a ditch and their car was filling up with water, but they were foreign and I couldn’t work out where they were,

and they couldn’t be seen from the road. They managed to tell me where they had been heading, and we eventually worked out their location. The water wasn’t the immediate threat—they had no air and would have suffocated.

I’m part of a critical-response team, and we work with traumatised crews.

You can’t afford to disregard anything or take anything lightly.

Our motto is: if in doubt, turn out

One guy I worked with had kept trauma bottled up for so long that when he started to cry he couldn’t stop. You have to read their expressions and know when to push it. They’re all rufty-tufty firefighters, a bit macho, but they can hold a lot of anger and resentment after an incident. They might have had to give mouth-to-mouth to a child they knew wasn’t going to make it, but they are obliged to keep going until the ambulance arrives.

Any call when you can hear fear is stressful. You have to reassure them, no matter what you think their chances might be. You’ll be talking and they will come and go as they pass in and out of consciousness, and after a quiet time it’s such a relief when you hear them talk again, or maybe just take a breath. We need to keep them with us all the time to keep them alive, no matter what danger they are in.

International Firefighters’ Day is on May 4. To find out more about the Fire Brigades Union, visit fbu.org.uk

A control operator at work. “We have to take down as much information as possible or we put our firefighters at risk”

Lucy Worsley is the author of several best-selling books and is one of our pre-eminent TV historians. She’s also chief curator of Historic Royal Palaces, with her office in Hampton Court.

If I Ruled the World Lucy Worsley

Children would visit an historic house or castle. Or even just a lump in the ground from the Bronze Age. The point is to capture their imaginations while they’re still full of adventure. Seeing the real thing brings history alive far better than a cartoon, and children gain so much: knowledge about the past; analytical skills while studying evidence; and best of all they have a really good time. Taking a day out to visit an historic house is often a social event with friends and family, and there’s always tea and cake to look forward to at the end of it.

We’d walk more and have fewer cars. I don’t have a car, so I can preach about this with sanctimonious impunity. I think they’re the bane of modern life. They’re smelly, noisy, dangerous and I get car sick. Here at Hampton Court we’re surrounded by so many lovely green spaces, but the traffic is often gridlocked to a choking standstill. That makes me really sad.

I’d spend more money on museums, libraries, heritage services and art galleries. And the money would be spread more evenly around the UK. Local museums need our help and love—they’re having their budgets cut by local authorities. At the moment so much taxpayers’ money is being used to subsidise the London museums.

Things wouldn’t be so long. I’d cut films, books, meetings and journeys by 20 per cent. I may be impatient, but who wants to watch a film for three hours? Or sit in a meeting to the point of diminishing returns?

I’d tell people to value small things. I’m fascinated by everyday detail— as the old-school feminists used to say, “The personal is the political.” For example, how we dress or stand have been indicators throughout time of power or our standing in society. We all have to eat or go to the loo, and seeing how other people have done such familiar things differently from us can be an unexpected connection and window to the past.

We’d enjoy more elegant living. Women would wear lovely dresses and we’d go to more cocktail parties. Style and panache are pleasurable, in the same way that art and culture make life worth living rather than enduring. In my job we look after The Royal Ceremonial Dress Collection, which is more than 10,000 pieces

of historic dress. Being around clothes where each piece has been carefully considered by the person who commissioned it, made it or wore it is an inspiration.

We’d be less judgmental. A lot of visitors to historic houses believe there’s a certain way to behave, but I believe everyone should be able to do what they like—within reason. Let’s get over the snobbery of selfie sticks; if that’s how people want to record a happy time, then great.

I’d embrace complicated families. The idea of Father going out to work while Mother stays at home to look after her “nuclear” family is very much a Victorian invention and clearly untenable. Families are more to do with nurture than nature.

I’d encourage people to take time to contemplate. It could be looking at a great work of art or a garden or a building, but stopping and standing in silence for a while to contemplate something can give a greater understanding of our place in the universe. It’s my job to help provide that kind of experience for four million people a year, and it’s a challenge I love. As told to Caroline Hutton

Lucy’s first novel for children, Eliza Rose, is based on the real and tragic story of Catherine Howard, Henry VIII’s fifth wife, and is out now, published by Bloomsbury.

Long a symbol of a grand day out, these iconic structures have much to offer a modern crowd

BY FIONA HICKS

Cromer Pier NORFOLK

Stretching outwards from the Norfolk coast, this 115-year-old structure is home to the last end-ofpier show in Europe. And as shows go, it’s a corker. In the tradition of loud, colourful, vibrant, live variety performances, it encompasses pop music, West End ballads, speciality acts and comedians…and it never fails to incite whoops of delight from the 500-strong audience.

“The show is known for being the incubator for some of the familiar acts and faces we love, including various Britain’s Got Talent finalists,” says manager Jo Atherton.

There’s plenty to enjoy here during the day too. As well as the view, lovely ice creams and the historical lifeboat house, crabbing is popular throughout the summer (and don’t worry if you forget your bucket—you can buy one on site).

■ Visit cromerpier.co.uk for details

Southend Pier was used during the war as a launching point for naval convoys; (right) the Royal Pavilion, which opened in 2012, holds up to 185 people

Southend Pier ESSEX

So impressive is Southend Pier that it inspired poet John Betjeman to soliloquise, “the Pier is Southend, Southend is the Pier”.

Certainly, the Grade-II-listed landmark has put the Essex town on the global map—at a staggering 1.34 miles in length, it’s the longest pleasure pier in the world.

The first wooden construction on this site was opened in 1830. A popular tourist destination for sea-seekers from London, the pier was deemed a clever way to enable visitors to appreciate the waters while avoiding the large mudflats. Its original 600-feet length was extended and eventually replaced by iron structures to become, in the words of Southend-on-Sea Borough

Council’s deputy leader Ian Gilbert, “a national treasure and the jewel in the crown of the ruggedly beautiful Essex coast”.

The Royal Pavilion, which hosts events, concerts and exhibitions, was added in 2012. It also houses a cafe, where you can enjoy an especially nice cup of tea.

■ Visit visitsouthend.co.uk for details

Hythe Pier

HAMPSHIRE

Commissioned in 1879 and finished in 1881, not only is this one of the nation’s original piers, it also has the oldest continuously operating train pier in the world.

Just a few years after opening, the trucks carrying luggage along the busy structure had already damaged the decking. In order to prevent further ruin, a narrow-gauge railway was constructed in 1909. After 13 long years of hand-propelling the carriages, this pioneering railway was reconstructed and electrified—and remains in tact 100 years later.

Hythe Pier is historical but also functional, used by commuters and shoppers eager to travel from the Hampshire village of Hythe to bustling Southampton. The train runs every 30 minutes or, if you’re feeling virtuous, you can walk the 700 yards of the pier. A connecting ferry runs every half hour.

■ Visit hytheferry.co.uk for details

Southport Pier MERSEYSIDE

This Grade II-listed structure was the proud recipient of the National Pier Society’s “Pier of the Year” award in 2003. At 1,216 yards long, it’s the second-longest pier in Britain (after Southend). Opened in 1860, it’s also the oldest iron pier in the country and one of the first to boast a tram.

Its long history hasn’t been without incident, however. In 1889 a storm swept away the refreshment rooms at the pier-head, while an enormous fire destroyed all its buildings in 1959.

Refurbished at the turn of this century at a cost of £7m, it features

Southport bills itself as “England’s classic resort”; (below) the Funland entrance

a “funland” at the entrance, breathtaking views of the North Wales coast and, of course, that coveted award— which provides a nice talking point as you stroll down its length.

■ Visit visitsouthport.com for details

Garth Pier BANGOR

This majestic pier in beautiful North Wales has also had a somewhat dicey existence since its erection in the late 19th century. In 1914 a cargo steamer broke free from the pontoon, causing extensive damage to the neck of the pier. Further deterioration was patched up during the two World Wars, and by 1971 the pier was closed on safety grounds.

Arton Borough Council made the decision to demolish it, but locals fervently objected, and at the last minute Bangor City Community Council purchased the pier for the nominal sum of one pence.

After six years of careful renovation, it was reopened by the late George Paget, seventh Marquess of Anglesey, in 1988. There’s no charge to access to the pier today—except a small honesty box that politely suggests a voluntary 50 pence—and it’s a great spot for spying seabirds.

■ Visit piers.org.uk for details

Southwold Pier

SUFFOLK

Whereas some piers are relics of a bygone era, Southwold’s is very à la mode. Robert Gough, of the Suffolkbased Gough Hotels group, had fond memories of visiting the pier as a child. So when an opportunity to buy it popped up in 2013, he leapt at the chance.

Having been taken into the Gough

family fold, it’s received not only a new lick of paint, but revitalised attractions and a fabulous new food scene. Visitors can choose from a cream tea at The Clockhouse, good old fish ‘n’ chips at The Beach Cafe or—if it’s more of a special occasion —fresh and seasonal fare at The Boardwalk restaurant.

There’s also entertainment reminiscent of the Victorian heyday of pleasure piers—and Gough Hotels’ Alex Paul recommends taking a moment to “enjoy the laughter from the Wacky Walk of Mirrors”.

■ Visit southwoldpier.co.uk for details

The original Southwold Pier served as a landing stage for the steamships that travelled from London Bridge

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Your Gateway to Adventure

There are many truly beautiful parts of the country that we always mean to visit—but never seem to get around to it. It may be that it doesn’t occur to us that a great mini-break could be enjoyed so close to home.

When you think of taking a day trip in the United Kingdom, what comes to mind? Is it rolling green hills, fish ‘n’ chips at the seaside or history-soaked landmarks such as St Paul’s Cathedral or Edinburgh Castle?

Whatever you imagine, it’s all here on your doorstep to enjoy. Make the most of all this, as well as trying out new locations you’ve never experienced. Take time to wander off the beaten track and enjoy the country you live in. Discover a new favourite city to share with your friends—or keep it to yourself!

DISCOVER BRITAIN YOUR WAY

The beauty of having so much choice in so many great regions is that you’re not limited to just one type of outing. Activities can be combined with a little planning, ensuring that leisure time is maximised. Days out are about relaxation and fun so we understand you want things to be easy, which is why we’ve done the hard part for you.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?

All you need to do is decide where you want to go. We’ve taken care of the rest. Sign up now to enjoy an exclusive introductory 30-day membership to the Discover Britain Card for just £1 with Reader’s Digest.

Ryde Pier ISLE OF WIGHT

Last but not least, this pier holds the illustrious title of being the oldest in the world. Built more than 200 years ago, it was originally constructed for an entirely practical purpose: pre-1814, visitors to the Isle of Wight would be carried by porters through the shallows. The pier was erected to eliminate such an undignified arrival and, as the years went on, it slowly developed into a pleasure attraction.

Victorians visiting the pier (by then a half-a-mile long) could enjoy a ride on the tram, a concert pavilion and refreshment rooms. These hints of seaside fun are largely gone now— the pier is predominantly used as a

Ryde Pier still boasts a timberplanked promenade; (below) the pier in Victorian times

hub for high-speed catamarans— but the surrounding coastline has much to offer. Says Visit Wight’s Sue Emmerson, “You’ll find an ice rink, bowling alley, trampolines and many seaside shops and cafes.”

■ Visit piers.org.uk for details

Is there a pier that you love to visit? Email readersletters@readersdigest. co.uk and let us know!

When a violent accident ended Peter Bowker’s army career, it opened the door to a recordbreaking adventure

BY CRISPIN ANDREWS

GETTING TO THE OTHER SIDE

ON THE JUNE 4, 2015, at 1.36am, Peter Bowker, 28, climbed off the Greenland ice cap for the first time in 27 days. A few minutes earlier, the former soldier had been one of six skiers roped together in a V formation as they completed the final few yards of a month-long expedition.

For the other five, it was an arduous and demanding journey, but people have skied across polar ice caps before. However, when Bowker’s skis touched dry land, he set a new world record—he became the first amputee ever to have skied, unsupported, across the Greenland ice cap.

“One guy had done it in a wheelchair before, but he used a kite so it wasn’t unsupported,” Bowker says.

He recalls a jumble of emotions as he realised what he’d achieved—pride, humility and gratitude to the people who’d invested time and effort into his project. Above all, Bowker reflected, this was a long way away from that dark day in Afghanistan in 2008. A day he was lucky to survive.

B“By 19 I was an officer of rank, and the youngest non-commissioned officer in the regiment aged 21,” he says proudly.

Things were going as planned until September 2008, when Corporal Bowker’s regiment was sent to Musa Qala in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. Bowker was a trained sniper, but on one fateful day, three months later, he was on convoy duty, “protecting a few vehicles that were going to a nearby supply base”.

ONE DAY, AS I WALKED OUT TO THE ICE CAP, I DECIDED THAT I WANTED TO CROSS IT EVENTUALLY. THAT’S WHERE IT STARTED

ORN IN NORTH WALES, Peter Bowker had wanted to be a soldier since the age of three. He was interviewed aged 15, accepted at 16, finished training by 17 and joined the Queens Dragoon Guards.

He was in the back seat of the lead vehicle with two other soldiers. If there was any concern about explosive devices embedded in the ground ahead, the lead vehicle would normally stop and scan the area with metal detectors. On this occasion, the commander made the call that no one would get out and check. Bowker remains stoical about this decision.

“That’s how it is in Afghanistan —sometimes there’s just no time,” he says.

Bowker remembers everything that

happened next: “I was in the back, looking at the ceiling of the truck. Then, all of a sudden, the ceiling was right in front of my face. A huge explosion, dust, ears ringing, screaming.” He managed to pull himself out of the overturned vehicle. Soon afterwards, he was airlifted to Camp Bastion hospital and then, days later, flown back to Birmingham for an operation.

Bowker was in and out of hospital for the next few months, having badly damaged his right femur and ankle. At first, he had visions of getting well and returning to Afghanistan, but

after two years of operations and rehabilitation, doctors told him that his leg wouldn’t heal—it would have to be amputated below the right knee, and he’d be discharged from service.

“I cried when the doctor told me I was never going to be a soldier again,” recalls Bowker. “But then I thought, I’d best find something else to do.”

Two weeks before his discharge from the army, an officer had advised him to do some adventure training. Bowker put himself down for sailing in the Caribbean, with visions of “beautiful women, sandy beaches

Peter Bowker’s team at the apex of the Greenland ice cap

and cocktails”. Instead, he ended up in Greenland.

“That’s just the army way,” says Bowker ruefully. “But, as it turned out, I really enjoyed it. Then one day, as I walked out to the ice cap, I decided that I wanted to cross it eventually. That’s where it started.”

This was going to be something Bowker did when he left the army, but he soon realised that, since no amputee had crossed the Greenland ice cap unassisted, he’d need a doctor to help him. “I couldn’t afford it either,” he adds, “so I had to raise some money.”

To do this, Bowker set up 65 Degrees North, gathered a team and travelled all over the country, securing sponsors and visiting schools, colleges and universities to raise disability awareness. He got

Peter and his mother before the accident; (below) in training for the Greenland trip; (far right) learning to ski with his prosthetic limb

Royal endorsement from Prince Harry and received £100,000 from the Libor fines pot—money raised when banks were penalised for manipulating interest rates.

Bowker ended up with £300,000 in corporate sponsorship to cover the costs of this and future expeditions. He also raised £30,000 for the charity Help for Heroes, which supports injured and sick military personnel.

TEAM 65 DEGREES NORTH

arrived in Greenland on May 7 last year. Their task was to cross the ice cap from Kangerlussuaq in the west to Kulusuk in the east— around 370 miles.

Two thirds of Greenland, which is three times the size of Texas, is inside the Arctic Circle. But while there are 27 million Texans, only 55,847 people live in Greenland—nearly all of them along the fjords in the south-west. There’s a simple reason for this: four fifths of Greenland’s surface is covered in ice. Its glaciers are 1,500 metres thick on average, but can reach 3,000. Only Antarctica has a bigger ice sheet.

problem. Greenland’s katabatic winds can reach up to 95mph. The cold air sits on top of the ice cap, then releases and flows across the ice towards the sea. These winds can go from weak to strong in a couple of minutes, and are difficult to predict on the ground. During really bad ones, the team built walls around their tents made out of snow blocks.

“People have died because they didn’t build their defences properly and the wind ripped their tents right out of the ground,” says Bowker. “We were sponsored by a satellitecommunications company, Inmarsat,

“The three biggest dangers in Greenland are crevasses, the weather and polar bears,” claims Bowker. Although the team didn’t see any bears, the weather was a constant

who monitored the weather and gave us a few hours warning. But we still lost five or six days to storms.”

For 27 days, the team followed the same routine: eight hours skiing with a ten-minute stop every hour, then

a few hours rest. By the end of the first week, Bowker had blisters on his stump.

“You can do all the training you want—skiing, pulling tyres up a slope, cycling, running, martial arts—and your fitness is fine,” he says. “But you can’t really train for how the skiing motion rubs against your leg.”

Bowker countered this problem with bandages and painkillers, and by cutting holes in his prosthetic limb to stop it rubbing. When the limb froze and wouldn’t bend, he thawed out the mechanism with a portable cooker. The only sign of life on the

whole trip was a visit from a small bird, who flew down to grab a biscuit from the weary travellers.

On the second to last day, the team pitched their tents facing downhill. “We could see something other than flat ice for the first time,” remembers Bowker. “The ice rolling down the hill to the sea and the finish. It was

a humbling experience to see the barren, undisturbed nature of Greenland.”

But there was one more unexpected—and almost fatal—challenge to overcome. With only a few miles to go, one of the crew, Kirk Painting, fell down a crevasse. This is a huge crack in the ice that can go all the way down to the bottom of the ice sheet.

In this instance, the crevasse was hidden by snow.

“It was like a trap door,” Bowker says. “Luckily, Kirk’s pulk got caught

Peter taking a break from skiing; (left) a blue sky on day 17 of the expedition

in the gap, or one of his ski poles did, and that’s what saved his life.”

To prevent further accidents, the team roped up together. They took 24 hours to travel the final six miles in tandem. Normally it would take half that time, but if someone fell into another crevasse, the others would be able to stop them falling far.

“I was in the middle of our V formation when my ski touched dry land for the first time in a month,” Bowker says. “It was fitting that we finished the whole thing together.”

ALTHOUGH VERY PROUD of his achievement, Bowker is amazed by the huge reaction: “Thousands following me on Twitter and Facebook, hundreds of thousands of pounds being donated by sponsors, tens of thousands donated to charity, meeting the Prince…I never thought it would turn out like this!”

He now plans to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, do some motivational speaking and spread the word that disabled people can live fulfilling

THE ACCIDENT OPENED DOORS FOR ME AND GAVE ME OPPORTUNITIES THAT I WOULDN’T HAVE HAD OTHERWISE

lives. Although he misses the army, he wouldn’t change what happened in Afghanistan.

“I’ve been very fortunate,” he says. “The accident opened doors for me, gave me opportunities that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. There’s been a lot of pain, but I appreciate life more than I did. When you go through difficult times, it’s not so much how you get through them, but getting out the other side to better times.”

65 Degrees North raises money for the Royal Marines charity. To donate, go to 65degreesnorth.co.uk or visit peterbowker.com

EASY ETYMOLOGY

Trying to impress in literary company? Offer up these three facts:

1. A new word in English is created every 98 minutes.

2. The word mortgage comes from a French word meaning “death contract”.

3. There are more English words beginning with S than any other letter.

SOURCE: FACTSLIDES.COM

Polperro, home to a superb ice-cream parlour; (below) cottages at St Just

By C at H y ada MS

My Great Escape: Cornish Villages

Jennie Meredith from Bath spent a week in Cornwall—and meets man’s best friend

Cathy has danced in Rio, been microlighting in South Africa and hiked the mountains of Oman

My husband and i have had many wonderful holidays in Cornwall over the years—but one visit in particular really stands out.

Basing ourselves at a holiday park in Looe, we first visited Polperro. The quayside is made up of little cottages, while the village itself is home to a street of sleepy shops selling one-off crafty pieces. But it was the ice-cream parlour with its tempting flavours of raspberry pavlova, lime cheesecake and rocky road that really blew our socks off.

Then we headed to St Just. This tiny village, with its half a street of shops and wide square, slumbered drowsily in the midday sun, while in the distance the ocean sparkled. We came to search for the birthplace of the Cornish pasty—and we found it, at Warren’s Bakery.

On the third day, we stayed in Looe. Walking through the town, we came across a huddle of holidaymakers ogling a dog. He was lying outside a house with a placard that read: “Ash loves to play catch”. Ash nudged the ball under the garden gate with a practised flick of his right paw. Then he waited, tongue lolling, for the ball to be thrown back into the

garden. Catching the ball midflight, he gave it a quick chew before nudging it back under the gate.

The locals walked by and shook their heads as they warned us goodnaturedly that the “dog is sly” and will “have us at it for hours”. And they were right. Sensing that we were about to move on, Ash changed tactic, dispatching the ball through the railings straight onto my shoes. Then he hung at the gate, watching our retreat forlornly.

Polperro may have ice cream and St Just may have pasties—but only Looe has Ash!

■ a COrnISH treat

Stay at Killigarth Manor Holiday Park, Polperro (johnfowlerholidays.com).

Costa Ri C a may be a tiny country, but it packs a serious punch when it comes to nature—six per cent of the world’s biodiversity is found here. That includes rugged rainforests and jungle, as well as an enormous number of rare animal species such as the intriguing red-eyed tree frog.

The nation’s lush, wild landscapes open up this month as British Airways begins a twice-weekly flight from May 4. And if the wildlife gets too wild, there’s miles of almost untouched coastline and the European-influenced capital St José.

■ ( Central) aMerICan dreaM

Return flights with British Airways start from £687pp (0844 493 0787; ba.com).

tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we include it on this page we’ll pay you £50. Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us We Want tO

Things To Do This Month

Bermuda in two minutes

■ d o: sta Rt o F su MM e R To most people, it’s summer all year round in Bermuda—but to locals, the summer starts officially on May 24. It’s the day when Bermudians jump into the sea for the first time and start wearing the island’s famous shorts.

■ see: Pink sand Bermuda’s calling card is its pink beaches—naturally coloured thanks to a build-up of tiny red organisms on the seabed. The best include the sweeping Horseshoe Bay Beach and the smaller Jobson’s Cove, where the waters are as lovely as the sand.

■ dan C e: h a R bou R nights

Wednesday nights in the Bermudian capital Hamilton come alive with a raucous street party until the end of August. Expect musicians, local arts and crafts, and plenty of fun (gotobermuda.co.uk).

s hort/ long haul: retreats s ho Rt: s cotland Wildfitness’ new (warning: very active) retreat in the Scottish Highlands is the perfect antidote to a winter spent hiding indoors— days include coasteering, hiking and some traditional Highland games. One-week courses from £2,400pp (07415 884312; wildfitness.com).

Long: Mauritius

There are few better places to retreat to than this isle in the Indian Ocean. Heritage Le Telfair is set in a vast nature reserve and runs “wellness weeks” offering yoga sessions (+230 266 9777; heritageresorts.mu).

travel app

Of tHe MOntH

snapseed, Free, android, ios, facebook.com/ snapseed For highdefinition memories, use this to boost the colour and detail of every picture-perfect holiday moment.

Help With Holidays

LIFE CAN BE CHAOTIC when you’re juggling work, family and a social life simultaneously. is makes leisure time all the more precious. But organising a trip away can often take as much energy as ordinary life— leaving you in need of a break from all the planning!

Get Away More Often

Some of us just want an easy way to get away, and as often as we can, to recharge. ere are plenty of beautiful places to enjoy short breaks right here on your doorstep.

Make the Most of Your Time

2 Nights For The Price Of 1

With the 241 Hotel Card, you can take the opportunity to make the most of your time away with some great 2-nights-for-the-price-of-1 o ers, which makes exploring the UK all the more appealing.

You can enjoy a mini-break in some of the most cultural cities, wander the countryside at your leisure or relax at the seaside.

Unlimited Use, All Year Round

e best thing is you don’t have to choose just one type of break. e freedom to enjoy all this as often as you like gives you more holiday time—and more holiday choice.

Why not compile a list of all the destinations you’ve been meaning to visit across Great Britain and then… go and visit them!

Sign up now to enjoy an exclusive introductory 30-day membership to the 241 Hotel Card for just £1 with Reader’s Digest.

Fish Ghost

Across northern Australia, a marine blight is being transformed into bright indigenous art

By Sally m c mullen Photogra P hed B y aruna S

Diamond Scale Mullet by Lynnette Griffiths started out as debris from commercial fishing

Every day, hundreds and hundreds of discarded fishing nets drift through Pacific waters, twisting and turning with the currents. They stretch from several yards to four miles, their plastic fibres indiscriminately trapping any marine life that gets in the way. These lethal abandoned “ghost nets” can, it’s estimated, take up to 600 years to decay. Many eventually wash up on the beaches of northern Australia.

Twelve years ago, former prawntrawler skipper Riki Gunn set about establishing a marine-conservation group to patrol the beaches, pick up the nets and free entangled creatures. Today, rangers from 40 different clan groups scour 1,900 miles of isolated coastline, rescuing endangered turtles, dugongs and other marine life for GhostNets Australia.

Within months of the rangers first beginning their work, piles of netting built up. With the help of Queensland artist Sue Ryan, who’d been working with indigenous artists around Lockhart River, Gunn set out to find solutions to help dispose of them. Ideas poured in through a national competition, to turn the plastic fibres into everything from guitar straps to bags and art installations, and soon Ryan was organising craft workshops with The Ghost Net Art Project.

Ryan couldn’t help but marvel at the variety of colours, weaves and thicknesses of the fibres. “I was excited because it was completely different from

Marion Gaemers’s male (below) and female (far right) Siamese Fighting Fish

Zoe and Stan by Zoe de Jersey

Georgia Curry’s Mother in Law Fish (above)

Lynnette Griffiths’s Giant Trevally is made from discarded crab pots, rope, wire and twine

anything I’d ever worked with,” she says. “It was also a great way of raising awareness about the ghost nets.”

Ryan works with communities from the Northern Territory, around the Gulf of Carpentaria and through the Torres Strait Islands to turn these floating walls of deadly mesh—and washedup materials such as flip-flops, plastic rubbish and glass—into useful and beautiful things.

Employing both modern and traditional techniques, artists weave, felt, coil and sew everything from baskets, dolls and sculptures to hats and jewellery. Large and small sculptures of colourful fish or barnacle-encrusted whales are proving particularly powerful in alerting the public to the

dangers of ghost nets. “It’s magical really, to see people coming together to make art out of an environmental hazard,” says Ryan.

Then she pauses and adds, “It’s the one project where you want the medium to run out.”

The nets drift in on monsoonal and trade-wind currents and tides from across the region

Erub Island’s Florence Gutchen works on large ghost-net sculptures

Ghost fish range from inches to many feet long

GhostNets Australia patrols have found and rescued over 300 trapped turtles

Dating Safely Online

We’ve Got You Covered

OUR TOP PRIORITY at Reader's

Digest Dating, besides finding you the perfect catch, is your online safety. We use Online Dating Protection to make sure all you need to worry about is your first-date outfit.

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INDUSTRY-LEADING ANTI-SCAMMER TECHNOLOGY

Scamming and hacking techniques are now more advanced and harder to spot. That’s why we have invested in advanced antiscammer technology to block any potential threats to our system.

SPEEDY MODERATORS

We have a trained team of moderators who screen all user content to confirm that the profiles submitted are genuine. This involves analysing pictures, profiles, diary entries, videos and initial private messages to ensure membership qualifying criteria are met.

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As well as providing high-quality customer care, our team also act as dating coaches—helping anyone who might be struggling with the technical aspect or who are less experienced online daters—to make sure you get the most out of your dating experience. The customer care team give advice on how to create a profile that achieves results, how to stay safe and what to expect when dating online.

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Maximise Your Holiday Budget

When it comes to planning a summer getaway, don’t leave money matters to the last minute

BY ANDY WEBB

Andy Webb is a money expert at the Money Advice Service. Visit money adviceservice. org.uk for details

THE DANGER WITH PLANNING OUR HOLIDAYS is it’s easy to get excited about what we’ll do when we’re there— the places we’ll visit, the food we’ll eat, the people we’ll see. But we often forget some financial essentials that can make a big difference to our budgets. So as well as your passport and ticket, it’s best to get these money matters in the bag.

Travel insurance

Leaving your travel insurance to the last moment is potentially the costliest holiday mistake you can make. Travel insurance doesn’t just protect you from illness and theft when you’re away—it starts as soon as you buy it. This comes into use if you find you need to cancel your trip due to things such as illness, redundancy or the death of a travelling companion. So it makes sense to get this sorted as soon as you make your first booking.

An EHIC

An EHIC (formerly E111) is a free card you can apply for that gives you the same level of state-provided medical care as someone who lives in the country you’re visiting. It’s valid in all European Economic Area countries and Switzerland. Although it’s not enough just to have this—you still need travel insurance—not having one could mean your insurer refuses to pay out if you get ill when you’re away.

Travel money

The worst place to switch your cash into foreign currency is at the airport or ferry port. You’ll find the poorest exchange rates here as they know you’ve no other options.

Buy your money at least a week before you go. The best rates can usually be found from specialist brokers, which are often also better than high-street banks. There are exchange-rate comparison websites such as Travel Money Max, which will let you know what you’ll get at the different locations.

A fee-free credit card

One of the cheapest ways to pay when overseas is with a specialist credit card. There are just a handful

available, but you won’t incur any surcharges when using them. But if your debit or credit card isn’t one of these, using it to draw cash and pay for things can be very expensive due to the extra charges.

Find out before you go what the charges will be, and decide if you want to apply for a fee-free card.

A budget

It might not be the most fun thing to think about, but it’s arguably the most important of them all.

Work out how much you can afford to spend when you’re away to avoid any nasty surprises when you get home. It’s helpful to have a daily budget that you adjust up and down if you spend more or less.

Are You Missing Out On The Marriage Allowance?

Last year, a new tax break was introduced that entitled four million married couples and civil partners to an annual £220 payment. A year on, it’s been revealed only eight per cent of those eligible have made a claim.

WHAT IS THE MARRIAGE ALLOWANCE?

The Marriage Allowance lets married couples or those in a civil partnership transfer part of their personal tax allowance between them.

WHO CAN GET IT?

One half of the couple has to have an income of less than £11,000 a year. The other half has to earn between £11,000 and £43,000. You both need to be born after April 1935.

HOW IT WORKS

Since the lower-earning half of the couple won’t be paying tax on any of their income, they can transfer ten

per cent to their partner’s personal tax allowance. The higher earner can now earn £12,100 before they start paying tax, rather than £11,000.

HOW MUCH YOU GET

This financial year it works out as £220 extra. The transfer does mean the lower earner reduces their personal allowance to £9,900, so they’ll have to pay tax on anything between that amount and £11,000.

HOW TO GET IT

You need to apply, which you can do at the gov.uk website. You’ll need both your National Insurance numbers and proof of your identity.

Stay Safe When Shopping Online

The benefits of spending online range from being able to shop whenever you want without leaving home, to the convenience of having heavy deliveries bought to your door—often for free.

But there’s another side to it, with your money potentially at risk from scammers. Fortunately, it’s possible to reduce the risk of having your bank details stolen or shopping accounts hacked.

The following are some essential tips you can follow to make sure your money is protected whenever you shop online.

CHECK THE WEBSITE IS SAFE:

■ Avoid buying from companies you don’t recognise, even if the website looks professional.

■ Check customer reviews if you’ve not used the shop before.

■ Make sure you’ve typed in the right address.

■ Look for a closed padlock symbol and a web address beginning with https rather than http.

PROTECT YOUR PASSWORDS:

■ Don’t use a password you’ve used elsewhere.

■ Don’t allow your computer to remember any login details.

■ Don’t share your login details with anyone.

■ Have a password on your computer and phone to stop other people using it.

■ Never log in via a link emailed to you—always type the address.

■ Avoid unsecured public wi-fi.

MANAGE YOUR MONEY:

■ Consider using a separate bank or credit card only for online purchases.

■ Use a credit card for purchases over £100 for additional protection.

■ Consider Paypal and other digital wallets to avoid providing your banking details.

■ Keep records of receipts and check they line up with bank statements.

What Are Property Trust Wills?

A WILL IS AN IMPORTANT LEGAL DOCUMENT—possibly the most important many of us will ever sign— but your Will might not be everything you imagined. A standard “Mirror” or “Joint” Will may appear to keep things nice and simple, but they also fail to protect what you’ve spent a lifetime building. These basic Wills often create a situation where the survivor of a couple is left owning everything, and thus has everything to lose in their later years if they need to move into a care home, for example.

That wish to pass something on is about the most basic, human and natural instinct there is

HOW DOES A PROPERTY TRUST WILL WORK?

A Property Trust Will is often suitable for co-owners of a property (often husband and wife, or unmarried couples), and is used to ring-fence half the family home on the first death in a couple. A Property Trust Will

protects half the home for the next generation from the threats of care fees and the effect of remarriage, both of which frequently see an inheritance pass somewhere it wasn’t intended to go. When setting up a Property Trust Will, the legal title to the property is changed from joint tenants to what is known as tenants in common—nothing to do with renting, but an important change at the Land Registry that allows each co-owner to decide where their half share of the property passes on their death.

This type of Will gives the surviving co-owner the use of the half of the house in trust for the entirety of their lifetime, ensuring they can continue to live in the property as if they owned it, and they could even move house if they wished. Because half the house is in trust, it can’t be used to fund care fees, and can’t pass sideways to a new

husband or wife—it’s protected for the next generation.

COULD IT BE RIGHT FOR ME?

privacy of your own home will allow you to learn what steps you could take to upgrade your planning.

There is no “one size fits all” solution to your legal planning. It’s essential that the right solution is created for your personal situation, and specialist advice is essential. A starting point is the review of your existing planning, circumstances and objectives. As a reader of Reader’s Digest, you have exclusive access to the services of Reader’s Digest Legal, and can arrange for a professional Estate Planning Practitioner to visit your home without charge or obligation. A free one-hour consultation in the comfort and Take the first step and find out more about Reader’s Digest Legal and Property Trust Wills by requesting your free information pack today. Call 0800 031 9516 and quote reference RDL12.

Easy-to-prepare meals and accompanying drinks

Chicken, Lemon & Fennel Traybake

BY RACHEL WALKER

Rachel Walker is a food writer for numerous national publications. Visit rachel-walker.co.uk for more details

FENNEL COMES INTO SEASON around this time of year. The roasted fennel bulb is sweet, soft and caramelised, with gentle anise flavours that liven up a chicken traybake.

Serves 4

• 2 fennel bulbs

• 1 lemon

• 600g potatoes (preferably new potatoes, though any will do)

• 2 sprigs of rosemary

1. Preheat the oven to 180C.

• 3tbsps olive oil

• 4 large chicken thighs, (skin on, bone in)

• 2 garlic bulbs

• 2tbsps crème fraîche

• Optional serve: babyleaf herb salad

2. Cut the cylinder tubers off the fennel. Pick off the green fronds and set them aside to add to the herb salad later.

3. Next, slice off the base of the fennel bulb, quarter and roughly pull apart the layers. Put them in a baking tray along with the cylindrical fennel pieces.

4. Quarter the lemon and then either half or quarter the potatoes, so that they’re similar sizes to the lemon quarters. Add the potato chunks to the tray along with the lemon quarters and rosemary, then use your hands to toss with 2tbsps of the olive oil and season with a dash of salt so everything is coated.

5. Drizzle the remaining 1tbsp of olive oil over the chicken

thighs and massage a dash more salt into the chicken skin. Nestle the thighs into the bed of vegetables. Finally, chop the garlic in half horizontally and arrange the four halves (cut side up) alongside the chicken.

6. Put the traybake in the oven and roast for 40 minutes, until the chicken is cooked-through, the lemon and garlic are both squidgy, and the fennel is soft and slightly caramelised.

7. Plate up each portion, topping with a lemon quarter and half a garlic clove—so each diner can squeeze the sticky cloves out themselves.

8. Add the crème fraîche to the leftover juices in the roasting tray, bring to a simmer and spoon the juices over each portion of chicken and then serve.

9. Add the feathery green fennel fronds to the salad, dress (see right) and serve as a side dish.

TIP…

For extra flavour, why not whip up a home-made salad dressing while the traybake is in the oven?

Simply combine 3tbsps olive oil, 1tbsp lemon juice and ½tsp mustard in a jam jar. Shake until well-mixed and pour over!

You can have an Investment ISA as well as a Cash ISA

An Investment ISA from Scottish Friendly

Did you know that you can invest in an Investment ISA at the same time as saving in a Cash ISA? An Investment ISA (also known as a Stocks & Shares ISA) isn’t just for people with a lot of money to put aside either. At Scottish Friendly we offer an Investment ISA to suit anyone’s budget.

Start investing from just £10 a month

You can start accessing the long-term growth potential of investing in the stock market from as little as £10 a month. Remember, that’s on top of anything you save in a different type of ISA with another ISA provider as long as you don’t go over your £15,240 yearly ISA allowance. Remember stock market investments can go down as well as up so you could get back less than you’ve paid in. Tax treatment depends on individual circumstances and tax law may change in the future. If you cash in before the end of 5 years, a £50 deduction will apply.

What makes us different

Scottish Friendly is proud to be a mutual. With no shareholders, we work hard for you. We’re one of the largest mutuals in the UK looking after assets worth more than £1 billion (as at 31/12/14).

Apply online today!

When you apply online you will receive your £25 My Rewards card which can be redeemed for gift cards from over 70 retailers.

Go to www.readersdigest.co.uk/isa

Drinks In Bloom

MY MUM ALWAYS PHOTOGRAPHS

the first daffodil of the year. Would you believe that this year’s image was actually taken on December 9, when a confused little bud burst into blossom after an unseasonably clement spell?

I’ve inherited my mum’s habit of chronicling the seasons—but with a bout of elderflower-making instead. At this time of year my walks get longer and more roving, as I scan the bushes for puffy, big elderflower heads. I stock up on citric acid and keep a stash of plastic bags in my pocket just in case I stumble across some blooms. It’s a short season, so you have to jump into action if you see them.

If you miss the opportunity, then there are lots of delicious brands available in our supermarkets. My personal favourite is Belvoir’s elderflower cordial (£3.15/500ml), served with fizzy water and big chunks of ice. Cawston Press has incorporated elderflower into its juice range with its Apple & Elderflower (£2.19/1 litre), which gives the apple a refined edge.

When it comes to alcoholic options, Chase Distillery macerates elderflower blooms with their award-winning vodka (£19.50/50cl), and Warner Edwards has recently brought out an elderflower-infused gin (£32.95/70cl), which is a great twist on the classic G&T. My preferred tipple, though, is a dash of St-Germain elderflower liqueur (£19/50cl) in a glass of cava—a lovely springtime cocktail.

SPRINGTIME TWIST

When using elderflower in cocktails, it’s best to stick with light, fragrant flavours like apples or grapes, rather than dark fruits like blackcurrant or blackberry. Try adding a splash of elderflower cordial to a glass of cava (as above), or a gin and tonic for a springtime twist on a classic. It’s also delicious mixed with fizzy apple or ginger beer for virgin cocktails.

Slug of the Month

BOOK

Forgotten Skills of Cooking by Darina

Allen, £22.75. A classic book with elderflower and cordial recipes.

DIY Elderflower Cordial BUDGET

• 1.5l water

• 1.5kg sugar

• 75g citric acid (available behind the counter at Boots)

• 30 elderflower heads, rinsed

• 2 lemons, thickly sliced

1. Bring the water to a boil in the biggest pan you have. Add the sugar and stir until it has all dissolved and thickened into a sugar syrup.

2. Remove the sugar syrup from the heat, then stir in the citric acid, elderflower heads and lemons (if your pan isn’t big enough, you may have to transfer everything to a large sealable container).

3. Leave it outside or in a cool place for 24–48 hours. The syrup will darken and become loaded with elderflower aromas.

4. Double-strain and use a funnel to fill plastic water bottles with the home-made cordial. Label and then freeze until needed.

Kilner clip-top bottle, John Lewis, £2.75. Use this glass bottle for a professional touch.

BLOW OUT

Forest square vases, reikokaneko.co.uk, £35-90. Perfect for flowers in the kitchen.

© FRANK BACH/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

By Lynda C L ark

Lynda Clark is a homes, property and interiors expert, and is editor of First Time Buyer magazine

Dine In Style

The dining room is a special place. Whether eating family meals or enjoying the company of friends during a dinner party, the space is designed for sitting round a much-loved table and sharing good food and plenty of conversation.

For this reason, the room should be welcoming, comfortable—and versatile. A natural wooden table is adaptable and thus a great investment; it can be dressed-up for formal occasions but also works just as well for simple weekday suppers. Light woods such as pine, birch, oak and elm are particularly popular. Visible grain is attractive too, as it highlights the craftsmanship.

hartford 6–10 seater double extending dining table, £550; set of two harper dining chairs, £199; hartford storage bench, £250; bench pad, £35; hartford dresser, £925; oxford pendant light, £50.

■ All available from next (next.co.uk)

Get The Look

■ Umbra ribbonwood wall clock, £55, Red Candy, redcandy.co.uk

■ Serving dome, £25, Mary Berry’s Kitchenware Range at Sainsbury’s, sainsburys.co.uk

■ mason Cash mixing bowls, from £17.99, Lakeland, lakeland.co.uk

■ Acacia table tidy, £21.99, Lakeland, lakeland.co.uk

CreaTe yor oWn oaSIS

Plants, Beds and Borders (Kyle Books, £16.99), by TV expert Katie Rushworth, features inspiring ideas on how to achieve the garden of your dreams. Whether you’re developing an existing space or starting with a blank canvas, the book takes you through each step of the process. Most useful of all, you’ll learn which plants will flourish in your particular plot.

open the doors and step into your garden Garden GadGeTS

A stylish potting bench with handy drawers, a shelf and a hook, £130 (miafleur.com).

These gardener’s gubbins pots come with a useful gardening-tips booklet, £27 (very.co.uk).

A handmade, handpainted chimenea with a nifty cooking grill, £95 (jdwilliams.co.uk).

O∕N∕E

S∕T∕E∕P A∕T A

T∕I∕M∕E

Could turning our footsteps into electricity help meet our energy needs? One young eco-entrepreneur thinks so

BY DAVID THOMAS

30-year-old Laurence Kemball-Cook, the founder of Pavegen

LAURENCE KEMBALL-COOK seems like the kind of young man any mother would want her daughter to bring home. He has a neat, healthy, clean-cut appearance and a polite, even charming manner. His office near London’s King’s Cross Station is relaxed, a little scruffy, filled with informally dressed staff who all radiate the same air of youthful enthusiasm as their boss.

Yet this 30-year-old engineer, inventor and entrepreneur is, by his own admission, an obsessive workaholic. “Some people would probably say that I’m a perfectionist, to a point that can be quite frustrating,” he says.

He’s also the creator of “Pavegen”, a paving tile for which he now holds a patent, that turns the force of people’s footsteps into clean, renewable energy. And Laurence wants to use it to change the whole world.

“My vision is for Pavegen to be to cities what ‘Intel inside’ is for PCs,” he says. “I want to cover every single city in the world with our tiles. I want to turn every bridge, road and building into a kinetic-energy device.”

I want to cover every city in the world with our tiles, and to turn every bridge, road and building into a kineticenergy device

technology at Loughborough University. As part of his course he was sent to work at the energy company E.ON.

“They said, ‘Laurence, can you design a street light that’s powered by solar or by wind?’ ” he recalls. “But when the sun’s not shining there’s no power and when the wind’s not blowing there’s no power. So I tried for a year and I failed.

“I was really upset. Then one day I was walking through Victoria Station in London and I thought about all the people there. I’d read that 38,000 people an hour walked through the station. What if we could harness that energy as a power source?”

Laurence admits, “The idea of generating energy from footsteps isn’t new and other people have tried it. They’re using things such as the piezo-electric crystals you find in cigarette lighters to create a charge. But the power is so low that you can never do anything meaningful with that energy.”

Laurence took a completely different route. The weight of a footstep on his tile makes a horizontal flywheel inside it rotate.

The idea first came to him while he was studying industrial design and

“The more people walk, the more this flywheel spins,” he explains. “Then

Laurence Kemball-Cook puts his tile technology through its paces; (below) each time a pedestrian walks over a tile, seven watts of energy is produced

we withdraw the power from the flywheel as we need it. We can suck it out bit by bit.”

Every pedestrian that passes over a tile generates around seven watts in energy. At the 2013 Paris Marathon, where Pavegen installed tiles at the finish as part of a pop-up promotion, the runners crossed 176 tiles, leaving 401,756 footsteps that generated 3,141,926 joules—enough to recharge 1,880 mobile phones or power an electric Nissan Leaf car for 15 miles.

KEMBALL-COOK today manufactures the tiles at a factory in Romania. “I love the people in Eastern Europe,” he says. “My engineers there speak very emotionally about the Communist days. They couldn’t buy anything from outside Romania, so they had to make everything themselves. It’s amazing, that can-do attitude.”

He’s already exporting his tiles from Romania via London to the world. “We’ve done more than 135 projects in over 30 countries. We’ve been contracted by the mayor of Washington to install Pavegen just outside the White House. We covered the ChampsElysées in Paris with our tiles for the 2013 Paris Marathon. At the Milan

JAMES

Expo we made a system for Coca-Cola so that as people danced on the floor it powered the music and made it go louder.”

Kemball-Cook reels off the European cities where his tiles have been laid—Madrid, Athens, Malmö, Sofia, Bucharest—and the multinationals such as BASF and Diageo with whom he’s worked.

But his ambitions are as much moral as commercial. Once the tiles are manufactured, the system requires no fossil fuels, generates no CO 2 and produces no pollutants, which is why he says, “Some people might define their aims as wealth or success, but for me it’s just, Let’s get it out there and do good.”

But could this really make a difference to everyday energy use? Julie Hirigoyen, chief executive of Britain’s

Some people might define their aims as wealth or success, but for me it’s just, Let’s get it out there and do good

branch of the non-profit World Green Building Council, thinks so. Pavegen is a “hugely innovative technology”, she says.

She likes the way that it “engages users and makes them aware that

they’re helping to solve a problem. We certainly need every clever form of renewable solution.”

Hirigoyen sees Pavegen as one of those possible solutions, but cautions that the manufacturing cost—which Kemball-Cook estimates as £230–£310 per square metre of tile—remains a problem except in places with very substantial footfall, such as shopping centres, railway stations and airports.

Pavegen tiles at Heathrow airport; (below) runners bound over them at the Paris Marathon; (below left) the tiles being installed at the 2012 Olympics

Laurence is well aware that price is an issue but claims, “In the next 24 months we’ll make our tiles the same price as normal flooring. And when you install them, they’ll give you energy for free.”

There’s no doubting Laurence’s good intentions for his technology. In a project funded by Shell in 2014, Laurence brought Pavegen to the Morro da Mineira favela, one of the poorest,

most crime-ridden areas of Rio de Janeiro. Two hundred tiles were placed under the surface of a local football pitch, so now the players help power the floodlights.

This was clearly a project that meant a huge amount to Laurence: “It’s a crazy environment, where the kids run around with machine guns, but it was an honour to work with those guys.”

IT’S ALL A LONG WAY from

the quiet cathedral city of Canterbury, Kent, where Laurence grew up after his family moved from London. At school, he says, “I was really into taking things apart and putting them back together. I just loved it.

“I’ve always had an engineering heritage. My grandfather helped develop early radar technology and worked on the first computers for disabled people. My uncle has also spent his whole life inventing things.”

To that family background Laurence added the determination that’s required by anyone who wants to turn small ideas into big businesses. “Nothing will stop me,” he says, not as a boast, but simply as a statement of intent. “I’ve always said that if I have an idea I’ll do it. I believe as an entrepreneur that you should jump off a cliff and learn how to swim on the way down.”

Laurence says that as a student he “industrialised” the world of university. He had six desks in his bedroom, each with a specific function—one for

electronic engineering, one for drawing and another served as a mechanical workshop. “There were rigs full of springs and generators on my bed,” he says. “The whole thing was like a massive workshop.”

His Pavegen idea became his final year project. “When I submitted it, my lecturer swore at me because I had four suitcases of work.”

AFTER GRADUATION, Laurence accepted the offer of an internship with a design company in New York, but then changed his mind. “I owed it to myself to keep going with Pavegen.” There were plenty of low points, he admits. “I survived on bread and water, and sat in my flat for days and weeks on end, working all night, focused on the challenge. I often felt like giving up.”

I still live in the same bedroom that I did when I started the company. If I focus on the business, good times will come

He wasn’t just searching for a way to generate power. He also had to make a tile strong enough to survive out on the streets. “You’re in one of the most hard-wearing environments known to man,” Laurence points out. “You’ve got weathering, you’ve got vandalism. You

have to withstand 15 million, 20 million steps. And you also have to take excessive point-loads, whether they’re women in stilettos or fire engines going 50 miles per hour.”

Slowly, things started coming together. He displayed his work at a design show in London with 1,000 other young designers and “suddenly it went viral”. The media picked up on the idea of paving stones that could generate power and that, in turn, attracted Laurence’s first clients.

The developers of a massive shopping mall in East London contacted him because their planning permission depended on the use of sustainable energy, which Pavegen could provide. Transport for London, which was planning for the 2012 Olympics, asked if it could put Pavegen tiles into an underground station close to the Olympic Stadium. During the course of the games, a million people walked over them.

By his mid-twenties, Laurence had become a young business star. He was invited to accompany prime minister David Cameron on a trade mission to China.

But he didn’t get everything right. Early Pavegen tiles had large, round lights that lit up whenever anyone stepped on them. They looked great, but, says Laurence, “When we started installing them we saw that women all walked around the lights. They were worried there were cameras in there, looking up their skirts.”

THERE’S ALSO ANOTHER SIDE to the tiles: they can be used to gather data about footfall. Shopping-centre companies could see exactly how many people go where, and when, and determine precisely which are the most valuable spots in their developments. Managers of stations, airports or stadia could detect and prevent dangerous levels of overcrowding building up.

To date, Pavegen has earned around £3m and is valued at £20m. But, says Laurence, “I still live in the same bedroom that I did when I started the company and I’m happy there. I have a faster bicycle than I did back then, but that’s it. There’s no point in taking money out of the business at this stage. If I focus on the business, good times will come.”

His dedication has come at a personal price. As he puts it: “Total girlfriends lost: three.” He adds, “A lot of my friends have got families and kids at this stage of their lives, but I’ve chosen not to because this is my

challenge—and until I’ve done it I don’t want to worry about that.”

So when he’s not working, Laurence likes to compete in cycle races and Ironman triathlons. “I’ve cycled [from London] to Amsterdam in a day, cycled to Paris in a day. At the weekend I’ll run a half-marathon or go swimming in the Serpentine in London. I learn a lot about myself when I’m training. It’s like a meditative state.”

On the walls of his office, alongside the mass of framed awards that Pavegen has won for technology, environmentalism and entrepreneurship, are printed inspirational statements from thinkers and businessmen from Albert Einstein to Sir Richard Branson.

One day, if he really does manage to power the world’s cities with his tiles, Kemball-Cook may be as celebrated as Einstein and as rich as Branson. And perhaps young entrepreneurs of the future will look at their own office walls and his exhortation: “Jump off a cliff and learn how to swim on the way down.”

EXPANDING HORIZONS

Plan all you like...travelling abroad is bound to throw up a few surprises:

“I lived in Japan for a year. The satellite radio at my school had a channel called ‘Rokki’ that played the Rocky theme song on a loop 24/7.”

“Germany, how dare you charge for ketchup?’

“Israeli toilets have two kinds of flushing: one that barely flushes and another that’s so strong it waxes your thigh if you don’t stand up first.”

SOURCE: DOSE.COM

Lost your cat? Can’t forget a song? Want to know whether you’d suit a beard? Tech has the answer

Moggies And Music

By olly mann

Olly is a technology expert, LBC presenter and podcaster

TaBcaT, £69.99

If you’ve ever spent an evening pacing up and down your driveway, shaking a pack of biscuits while calling for your cat in a strained falsetto (while said cat is happily asleep in your underwear drawer), this will save you time: a collarmounted location device that uses radio frequencies and a beeping handset to pinpoint your furry friend within 2.5cm, even through walls. Although it has a relatively short range, it’s easy to set up, comfortable for your cat and fun to use (hide-the-cat is a great game).

apple app of The monTh: mSQRD, fRee

The blockbuster app behind the “faceswap” craze can also layer live video selfies with impressive computer graphics. Swipe right to adorn your face with a thick

bristly beard, or make your eyes cartoonishly pop out of your skull, while face-tracking technology ensures the animations remain in the right proportions even as you move the around the room. It’s hours of fun.

puRe evoke c-D6, £249.99

I have a plethora of portable speakers scattered about, but sometimes— mainly when I’m making meatballs and there’s grease on my fingers— I crave the convenience of an old-fashioned radio set, which simply switches on and pumps the room full of sound without need for syncing or charging. Step forward Pure’s intuitive all-in-one: it has FM, DAB and 20 presets, yet is future-proofed with Bluetooth and AUX connections, and even retro-fitted with a built-in CD drive. About the size of a shoebox, clad in walnut casing with classy chrome knobs, it’s stylish and substantial, a stand-alone device that screams quality. And, huzzah, there’s a remote control for those greasy fingers!

eyejuSTeRS, fRom £69

We’re led to believe this is the year of wearable tech, but perhaps the most useful wearable tech product has existed for centuries: spectacles. Now Oxford-based company Eyejusters have added a mechanical flourish: with a twiddle of an adjuster on the side of their specs, users can reset the focus of each lens. So instead of requiring a separate pair of reading glasses for, say, reading, using your computer and driving, you can use the same pair for all three—and they’re available in fashionable frames too.

anDRoiD app of The monTh: BBc muSic, fRee

Ever enjoyed a song on the wireless, then forgotten what it was? This app could be your saviour—by browsing the playlist of every BBC national station by day, time and station, you can click through to add clips of your favourite tunes to a playlist, then stream them in full via Spotify, Deezer or YouTube. An (imperfect) algorithm also provides audioand video-clip recommendations.

By Geor G ina yates

Georgina is a fashion and beauty editor for numerous travel titles and a blogger at withgeorgia.com

Ancient Remedy

Known in ancient egypt as the “plant of immortality”, Aloe Vera has been used for its medicinal powers for centuries. aloe Vera g el (£6.99, holland andbarrett.com), made from the sap of the leaf, harnesses all of the vitamins, enzymes and goodness Aloe Vera has to offer, and conveniently packs it all into a squeezable tube.

The result is a fantastic multifunctional beauty product that can be used to treat a number of concerns. It’s especially effective on burns, minor cuts and irritated skin—making it a wonderful shaving-rash and after-sun treatment. It locks in moisture, hydrating parched skin and replenishing it with vitamins C and E. If you’re prone to shaving rash, you can even use this as a shaving cream, as the gel consistency encourages your razor blade to glide over the skin. aloe aloe

■ The calming quality of green people Daily Aloe Shower Gel (£12, greenpeople.co.uk) is amped up by the addition of soothing lavender. What’s more, a little goes a long way.

■ The bioactive ingredients in Dr organic Aloe Vera Skin Lotion (£6.99, hollandand barrett.com) deliver instant relief from that painful heat of sunburn, while the lightly fragranced, non-greasy formula sinks in quickly.

styLish soLutions

For Her

■ No need to worry about stains with Seasalt’s Jocelyn dress (£65, seasaltcornwall. co.uk) as you can wear it inside out—magic!

For Him

■ You’ll never leave the house in a creased shirt again thanks to Marks & Spencer’s noniron shirts (from £25, marksandspencer.com).

■ Get an instant manicure with elegant touch’s range of glueon nails (£6.95, boots. com) and keep some in your handbag for touch ups on-the-go.

■ Conceal odour and reduce warm-weather sweatiness with the Body Shop’s Cooling Foot Spray (£6, thebody shop.co.uk).

■ Spending the night in your killer heels? Rollasole will save your feet with their selection of roll-up pumps (from £7.95, rollasole.com).

■ Lilac coast’s compact Buff and Shine Shoe Polish Set (£18.95, not onthehighstreet.com) will keep shoes looking spick and span.

An established author offers a fresh take on a family saga, while another asserts himself as a master of the thriller genre

May Fiction

BY JAMES WALTON

James writes and presents the BBC Radio

4 literary quiz

The Write Stuff

The Mandibles: A Family, 2029–2047

by Lionel Shriver (Borough Press, £16.99)

The Mandibles is so dazzlingly good that it might even mean Lionel Shriver won’t be described as “best-known for We Need to Talk about Kevin” for the rest of her career. It’s also powerful proof of the idea put forward by one of its own characters that, “Plots set in the future are about what people fear in the present.”

By 2029, the Euro has fallen apart, books are a thing of the past and China is firmly in charge. Meanwhile in America, where the book takes place, the dollar has collapsed, wiping out savings and causing middle-class comfort to be replaced by an increasingly ferocious struggle for survival.

But what makes the book so impressive is not just how thoroughly Shriver imagines every aspect of her near-future world. It’s also how perfectly she combines that with the oldschool satisfactions of a proper family saga. All the characters and all the relationships between them are beautifully done, and the book bristles with pin-sharp observations about the

NAME THE AUTHOR

(Answer on p128)

Can you guess the writer from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?

1. He had a best-seller 147 years after the book was first published.

2. He said, “If you want to be happy, be.”

3. He was part of the “Golden Era” of Russian literature.

way families work—or don’t. The result is both a fierce exploration of our current anxieties and an irresistibly rollicking read.

Die of Shame

by Mark Billingham (Little Brown, £18.99)

Five recovering addicts of various kinds meet every Monday in the London house of their therapist Tony. Or at least they do until one of them is stabbed to death shortly after telling the group her most shameful secret.

Of course, we eventually find out how these two events are related (very neatly, as it turns out). But only after any number of red herrings— and plenty of confirmation that Mark Billingham is now one of the most assured thriller-writers around. The addicts range from an abandoned, alcoholic wife to a sixtysomething doctor who had damagingly easy access to hospital drugs. Each of them is equally richly drawn, allowing us to see how their lives got so rackety— and how desperately they’re fighting to stay clean.

Billingham is probably still most famous for his Inspector Thorne series. Die of Shame proves that his stand-alone novels can pull off the same trick of utterly respecting crime-fiction conventions, while also taking a thoughtful look at today’s Britain.

PAPERBACKS

■ The Dirty Game by Andrew Jennings (Arrow, £8.99).

Panorama reporter who brought down Sepp Blatter tells the full shocking story of the Fifa scandal.

■ The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins (Black Swan, £7.99). A chance to catch up with the single best-selling novel of last year—by miles.

■ Stalin’s Englishman: The Lives of Guy Burgess by Andrew Lownie (Hodder, £9.99).

Fascinating, tragicomic biography of the chaotically drunken philanderer and surprisingly effective Soviet spy.

■ Early One Morning by Virginia Baily (Virago, £7.99). Gripping, epic novel about a woman who rescued a child from wartime Italy—and what happened to them in the succeeding decades.

■ Shop Girl Portas (Black Swan, £7.99).

memoir of Portas’s early life as part of a large Irish family—long before her coronation as the Queen of Shops.

BOOKS

Seeking a life of je ne sais quoi—and how it left this writer more clueless than ever

A Gallic Effort

AT 16, Emma Beddington already knew what she wanted to be when she grew up: French. At her school library in York, she pored over Elle magazine, much impressed by the fact that it was equally interested in books, men, films, éclairs, politics and underwear. At the local arthouse cinema, she watched any number of French films, mostly starring the charismatic Gérard Depardieu. In her gap year, she worked at a Normandy school where she smoked Gauloises and fell in love with a Frenchman called Olivier.

Rather to her surprise, their relationship continued after she returned to Britain—and if it was

We’ll Always Have Paris: Trying and Failing to be French by Emma Beddington is published by Macmillan at £12.99.

occasionally tempestuous, well, she knew from all those French films that that’s how love is. After graduation, the couple lived together in London for six years, during which time they had two children, Theo and Louis. But then the chance finally came to realise her dream of moving to Paris.

The reality, it’s fair to say, was somewhat disappointing. The concierge of their apartment block took a stern line on her children touching the buttons in the lift. The

neighbours banged on their floors, ceilings and walls whenever her baby cried. The local shopkeepers appeared to be in a state of constant fury at such outrages as trying to pay by credit card. After a year, Emma retired defeated with her family to friendly old London.

Through all of this and beyond (the family eventually end up in Brussels), Emma writes with a level of honesty that doesn’t always make her likeable, but that does sharply capture the mixed British feelings about our annoyingly cool —and sometimes just annoying— neighbours. We join her here during that Parisian year…

‘‘

The park entrance is marked with a slate-topped rotunda and vast black and gilt gates, and beyond the gates is classic Parisian park territory, dusty gravel paths and neat flowerbeds, the lawns mined with sternly worded notices about what is and is not acceptable. There are two children’s playgrounds, a sandpit, a string of fat ponies who walk slowly up and down the central alley bearing tiny children, a carousel, a pond full of overfed Barbary ducks and a kiosk that sells sweets and balloons and crêpes. It is a wonderland of delights and we go almost every day. Within a couple of weeks I loathe the place with the heat of a thousand suns. When I find out it was used for mass executions in the

RD EXCLUSIVE: EMMA BEDDINGTON’S FAVOURITE FRENCH BOOKS

The Beast Within by Emile Zola (1890). Zola’s brick-sized tomes can appear intimidating, but this atmospheric, fast-paced tale of adultery and murder is a properly stirring page-turner.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery (2006). A shrewd Parisian concierge and an unhappy, precocious 12-year-old forge an improbable alliance. Wistful, funny and utterly Parisian.

Have Mercy on Us All by Fred Vargas (2001). I’m slightly in love with Commissaire Adamsberg, the eccentric hero of Vargas’ quirky crime novels. Here, he investigates a plague of mysterious inscriptions on Parisian doors. Think Amélie, but with murder.

Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir (1958). A candid, sensual and vivid memoir of De Beauvoir’s gradual rebellion against her straitlaced Catholic childhood, full of teenage passion, literature and the odd cocktail.

repression of the Paris Commune revolt in 1870, I just nod, with a complete absence of surprise.

It is a warm spring, but there is no warmth, either literal or figurative, in the playground, which catches the wind and makes me anxious. We don’t fit in. I thought Theo’s yellow

French, but I am wearing Gap jeans, an old winter coat and trainers. I don’t even know where my makeup is: did it even make it through the move? It’s not as if I need it.

I have two tiny children and it’s the playground, for God’s sake, not a catwalk show, but Paris is worse than

It’s a playground, for God’s sake, not a catwalk show, but Paris is worse than Leeds for dressing up

oilcloth Petit Bateau coat was perfectly Parisian, but all the children here look like they have escaped from a 19th-century etching: they are exquisitely dressed in Bonpoint poplin and tweed and none of them is coated in drool or breakfast. Their games are quite neat and orderly: they go the right way up the slide, then slide down, then do it again, and they make neatly levelled sand pies. Theo is anarchic and fanciful and he tries to talk to them in English: none of this wins him any playground points and he ends up alone and frustrated most of the time. I have the advantage over him in speaking

AND THE NAME OF THE AUTHOR IS…

Leo Tolstoy. (The belated best-seller was War and Peace, thanks to the BBC adaptation.)

Leeds for dressing up, it turns out. Everyone has their face on, shoes are shiny, the West African nannies are draped in immaculate outsized fake Louis Vuitton and Chanel shawls and no one, not even the grandparents in green Loden coats reading Le Nouvel Observateur, ever talks to me. The only consolation is that they do not talk to each other either. Usually my only interactions are in negotiating the return and fair distribution of toys, which all the other adults ignore entirely. Once, though, a grandmother snatches back a spade Theo has picked up from the sandpit and slaps him smartly across the wrist.

‘It’s not his. He needs to learn,’ she says to me as I turn open-mouthed to try and remonstrate. Words fail me: what I really want to say to her— touch my child again and I’ll report you to the police, you hag— only comes hours later.

Books THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Dr Brooke Magnanti worked for the NHS before being revealed as the anonymous author Belle de Jour, the woman behind the best-selling Secret Diary of a Call Girl series. Her latest book The Turning Tide is out now.

The Three Billy Goats Gruff

When I was in kindergarten, I was asked to join the year above for afternoon lessons. I’ll never forget going into that classroom with those older kids—I was too shy to ask to use the toilet and ended up having an accident. I thought, I’m never ever going back. But Mrs Miller came and found me and gave me a book: The Three Billy Goats Gruff. She made me feel there was someone out there who believed in me. And the story of the goats confronting the terrible troll and winning was inspiring.

The Blindfold

BY SIRI HUSTVEDT

I don’t remember any modern books at school; we studied the classics, Shakespeare and the Greek myths. So it was a joy to pick this up while at university (I was initially attracted by

the stylish cover) and find someone writing about a character that was a lot like me—a student trying to make ends meet and having adventures. I could see there was value in writing about normal people and I wondered if I might be able to do the same.

Pet Sematary

BY STEPHEN KING

My mother was a huge fan of Stephen King. Aged seven, I saw this book with what I thought was just a rather frightened cat on the cover. By the time my mother got home, I was a third of the way through. But it wasn’t until I was much older that I came fully to appreciate King. His books were everywhere in the 1980s, and there was a certain snobbishness about whether you read him or not. But he’s a superb writer and a brilliant storyteller. I’ve come to respect his work a great deal. After all, you should never judge a book by its cover. As told to Caroline Hutton

You Couldn’t Make It Up

Win £50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

as I tUrned away, after encouraging my five-year-old grandson from outside the bathroom door to hurry up and have a wee so we could go out, I heard him say, “Come on, wake up, Willy.”

BrIan BUCKLe, Suffolk

my COUsIn neIL, a taxi driver, picked up an elderly couple from a restaurant.

On the journey to their home, the lady remembered she’d left her spectacles on the restaurant table. After asking Neil to return, the man shouted and criticised his wife for her forgetfulness.

“Can you hear a rattle?”

As Neil drove into the car park, he volunteered to go and retrieve the glasses—but he was interrupted by the man saying, “Can you ask if I left my scarf in there too?”

JILL COHen, Yorkshire

I was dOInG matHs with my class of seven-year-olds. I wrote “10.8” on the whiteboard and then rubbed out the decimal point to show the

effect of multiplying this number by ten. I then asked one child if he knew where the decimal point was.

“Yes,” he replied. “On the rubber.”

danIeLLa rOBerts, Denbighshire

at a raILway statIOn, I couldn’t help but notice that the five clocks dotted around the station all showed a different time. I mentioned this to the porter, who looked at me strangely before replying, “What would be the

use of having five clocks if they all showed precisely the same time?”

rOXanne sUmner, London

my eIGHt-year-OLd grandson Sam was asked by his aunty on the phone who would be teaching him guitar next term. He looked to his mum for the answer. “Peripatetic teachers,” she mouthed back.

“A pair of pathetic teachers will teach me,” Sam said down the phone.

emma sterry, Jersey

On a reCent HOLIday we took our caravan to a small site near Filey in North Yorkshire. We had fairly good weather, but on one day it persistently tipped it down with rain. We decided, as we’d managed to walk our two Labradoodles, that we might as well get our shopping done.

Parking outside the superstore, my other half went inside while I stayed in the car with the dogs. As usual, I engaged in a bit of “people watching”, observing what customers were doing in regard to the rain. Most were parking as near as they could to the door and dashing in, although one took this to extremes. The car was squeezed into the tiniest spot, but not before disgorging its two passengers, who preceded their exit by popping out an umbrella before alighting, making sure to stay under it and then waiting for the driver, to keep him dry too.

I was surprised to see that the pair

were two young men dressed in shorts, obviously wanting to keep as dry as possible to preserve their hairstyles and seemingly not keen on water. I noticed something was written on the back of their jackets but couldn’t quite read it. However, when they returned and repeated the process in reverse, I did manage to see what it said: “Lifeguard”.

at easter, my son was upset that he wasn’t allowed to watch The Walking Dead on television. Trying to get me and his father to change our minds, he said that his teacher had been talking about Jesus’ corpse being placed in a tomb—and how three days later he rose again.

“See, he complained, “she doesn’t think I’m too young to know about zombies.” seren rOBerts, Flintshire

my dad COmpLaIned that he’d noticed yet another sign of getting older. He was driving down the road and realised his indicator was on. He said, “I didn’t remember putting that thing on. I had no idea how long it had been on for. And then I suddenly realised, I’m the guy I used to hate to be behind!” aLan JaCOBs, Cheshire

my yOUnG sOn thought his father was far too strict. He said, “If the word ‘No’ were removed from the English language, Dad would be speechless!”

anna Hammett, Cheshire

daVId Hyde, Lincolnshire

Reader’s Digest

Shop online has opened it’s doors to our OUTLET STORE with huge discounts and savings up to 80% OFF RRP

What’s more as a valued subscriber you are eligible for an additional 10% off already reduced pricessimply quote RDSUB10 when ordering.

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IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power

We’ve polled a long list of writers and editors to gather words often misused, misspelled or misunderstood. Here are some common offenders. How will you fare (not to be confused with fair)? See the next page for answers.

BY EMILY COX & HENRY RATHVON

1. pallet n—A: roof of the mouth. B: painter’s board. C: makeshift bed or portable platform.

2. sophomoric adj—A: immature. B: philosophical. C: inducing sleep.

3. secede v—A: achieve one’s goals. B: withdraw. C: come next after.

4. accede v—A: surpass or overcome. B: agree. C: manage to reach.

5. jalousie n—A: window blind. B: envy. C: dilapidated car.

6. prevalent adj—A: widespread. B: first in line. C: seeing the future.

7. imminent adj—A: outstanding. B: about to happen. C: inborn.

8. collegial adj—A: very courteous. B: relating to a college. C: marked by camaraderie among colleagues.

9. bellwether n—A: trend leader. B: top of a church spire. C: fair, balmy conditions.

10. aural adj—A: of the ears.

B: of the mouth. C: faintly glowing.

11. climactic adj—A: of prevailing weather. B: reaching a pause.

C: at a decisive moment.

12. impetus n—A: sterility. B: force, impulse or stimulus.

C: logical conclusion.

13. emigrate v—A: leave one’s residence or country. B: enter a country for permanent residence.

C: illegally cross a border.

14. incredulous adj—A: amazing, extraordinary. B: sceptical.

C: particularly ungrateful.

15. venial adj—A: dishonest.

B: unimportant. C: of the blood.

Answers

1. pallet—[C] makeshift bed or portable platform. “The roof of the mouth is palate, while a painter’s board is palette.”

2. sophomoric—[A] immature. “People often forget the o in the middle, which can go unpronounced.”

3. secede—[B] withdraw. “To achieve a goal, and to follow after, is succeed.”

4. accede—[B] agree. “One accedes to a demand but exceeds one’s goals.”

5. jalousie—[A] window blind. “It’s related to jealousy (‘envy’) because of people peeking into others’ affairs.”

6. prevalent—[A] widespread. “The tendency to misspell it as prevelant is indeed widespread.”

7. imminent—[B] about to happen. “It’s often confused with eminent, which means outstanding or prominent.”

8. collegial [C] marked by camaraderie among colleagues. “Its spelling is close to collegiate (“relating to a college”), but the meanings are distinct.”

9. bellwether—[A] trend leader. “This has nothing to do with weather. A wether is a sheep, which may wear a bell when leading the flock.”

10. aural—[A] of the ears. “For mouths, it would be oral; for lights, it would be auroral.”

11. climactic—[C] at a decisive moment. “It pertains to climax, not climate, whose adjective is climatic.”

12. impetus—[B] force, impulse or stimulus. “Be careful not to confuse it with impotence, a male sexual dysfunction.”

13. emigrate—[A] leave one’s residence or country. “You emigrate from a country but immigrate to one.”

14. incredulous [B] sceptical.

WORD OF THE DAY*

SMITHEREENS:

small pieces.

Alternative suggestions:

The name given to apprentice blacksmiths.

The offspring of Mr Burns’ assistant Smithers.

Ornamental figurines of Morrissey.

The messy outcome if you blow up Mr Smith.

“People sometimes mistake this for incredible.”

15. venial—[B] unimportant.

“It’s no trivial sin to be corrupt and bribable, which is venal.”

VOCABULARY RATINGS

9 & below: mere grammar student

10–12: junior editor

13–15: copy chief

HOW TO JOIN

Online bingo is similar to traditional bingo, but played in the comfort of your own home. There are great prizes on offer and it’s simple to play. First choose a fun member name and password; then deposit some money in your bingo account, which you can later use to buy bingo tickets.

WELCOME BONUS

When you join Reader’s Digest Bingo, you’ll receive a generous 250% welcome bonus. With a £10 deposit, you’ll get £25 free-play*. That’s a lot of bingo, slots and casino games!

HOW DO I PLAY?

Just pick a game you like from the Games Lobby and choose the number of tickets you’d like to buy. Many of our games cost from as little as 1p a ticket. Once you’ve bought your tickets, the cost will be taken off your bingo account balance. Once the game starts, your

numbers automatically get marked off—so you never miss a number!

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Any winnings will be deposited into your bingo account. You can then withdraw your winnings from your bingo account.

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BrainTeasers

Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 139.

BuBBle Maths

Assign a whole number between 1 and 5 to each of the 10 bubbles. Each number occurs twice, but no two bubbles with the same number are touching. The sums of some of the numbers are revealed in the areas where their bubbles overlap. Can you figure out which number goes in each bubble?

Jigsaw shuffler

All of the tabs and slots on jigsaw pieces A and B are compatible with each other. How many different ways can you put these two pieces together?

give Me five

If all five grids share a common feature, what’s the missing number?

coin Maze

Place four coins as indicated by the small print inside the circles. You may move one coin at a time along a line into an empty circle. Only one coin may occupy a circle at once. Try to get all of the coins to the circles indicated by the large print outside each circle—in only 17 moves.

odd die out

Here’s a flat template that could be folded into a cube. Which of the views below (A, B or C) does not represent the same cube?

BrainTeasers: Answers

BuBBle Maths

Jigsaw shuffler

Eight ways. give Me five

5. The numbers in each grid add up to 30.

odd die out C. coin Maze

Move the coins to the only empty space in the following order: florin, dollar, franc, dollar, florin, pound, franc, florin, dollar, florin, franc, pound, dollar, florin, franc, florin, dollar.

The first four moves can also be done as: florin, franc, dollar, franc (the rest of the sequence remains the same).

* Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition.

£50 prize question

answer published in the June issue

which face should replace the question mark?

the first correct answer we pick on May 5 wins £50!* email excerpts@readers digest.co.uk

answer to april’s prize question

Men 17 women 13 children 90

and the £50 goes to… hamish scott, glasgow

Laugh!

Win £50 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

SUE WENT TO UNIVERSITY and joined an animal-rights group. When she returned home, she was shocked to find her mother wearing a pricey fur coat.

“Don’t you realise some poor, defenceless animal had to suffer for you to get that coat?” Sue asked her mother, impassioned.

“Don’t talk about your father like that again!” came the reply.

caThERINE hIScOx, Hertfordshire

TWO BOYS aRE TaLKING and one says to the other, “There’s an easy way to get more pocket money.”

“How?” the second boy asks.

“Tell people you know their secret,” replies the first boy.

The second boy jumps up, quickly runs to his dad and says, “I know your secret!”

The dad replies, “Please don’t tell you mother—here’s £10.”

The boy then runs to his mum. “I know your secret!”

The mum says, “Please don’t tell your father—here’s £15.”

The boy then decides to try it on the postman. “I know your secret!”

The postman opens his arms and says, “Come, give your dad a hug!”

SEEN ONLINE

SEE, YOU LEaRN aBOUT hUMaNS

when you have a baby. Like girls. Girls are so much more advanced than boys. I seriously think that girls are born in conversation. Like, they come out of the womb, saying, “Are you my mother? Lovely to put a name to a face.”

cOMEDIaN MIchaEL McINTYRE

I WENT TO SEE a PSYchIaTRIST.

I keep having dreams where I’m a famous author working on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. He said it sounds like I’ve been Tolkien in my sleep.

SEEN aT FUNNYShORTJOKES.cOM

aN OLD FaRMER was riding his bike backwards and forwards across the farmyard.

“What are you up to now, you silly old beggar?” shouted his wife.

“The government says we have to recycle every week. I’m doing my bit!”

DERRY JONES, Yorkshire

a GERMaN MaN walks up to the immigration desk at Warsaw airport. The immigration officer looks up and asks, “Occupation?”

The German replies, “No, just a holiday.”

SEEN aT REDDIT.cOM

I PhONED ThE EMERGENcY SERVIcES the other day and I was on hold for ten minutes. When I got through I said, “You’re lucky this is a hoax.” cOMEDIaN LEE NELSON

I aSKED MY FaThER to embrace his mistakes. He cried, and then he hugged my sister and me.

JaDE MOTSWIRI, by email

TWO SNaKES aRE TaLKING. Snake one asks, “Are we poisonous?”

Snake two replies, “I don’t know, why do you ask?”

Snake one says, “Because I just bit my lip.”

SEEN ONLINE

TEachER: “Children, what does the chicken give you?”

Students: “Meat!”

Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”

Students: “Bacon!”

Teacher: “Great! And what does the cow give you?”

Students: “Homework!”

SEEN aT LaUGhFacTORY.cOM

STUPID IS...

...as stupid does. But errors in judgement do make for good photos (as seen on the internet).

MY FaVOURITE ROaD SIGN is “Falling Rocks”. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying, “Random accidents ahead. Life’s a lottery. Be lucky.” cOMEDIaN JIMMY caRR

then replies, “How does £50 sound?” He agrees and she gets to work.

When the man goes back into his house his wife asks him, “Does she know the porch wraps around the house?”

“She has to, she saw it,” he says.

I ThINK IT’S PRETTY cOOL how the Chinese made an entire language out of tattoos.

SEEN aT REDDIT.cOM

a BLONDE WOMaN decides to start a handyman service to make some extra money. She wanders around a wealthy neighborhood and walks up to the first house.

A man answers the door and she asks if there’s anything she can do. He tells her, “The porch need to be painted, how much would that cost?”

She thinks for a moment and

About an hour later, she comes to the door to collect her money. She says, “I had extra paint so I put on two coats.” The man is really impressed and gives her the money. She thanks him and says, “And by the way, it’s a BMW, not a porch.”

SEEN ONLINE

YOU KNOW, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said: “Parking Fine”. So that was nice. cOMEDIaN TIM VINE

aNIMaL KINGDOM

We all know that animals communicate—but imagine if they could actually speak. They might sound a bit like @WeirdHorse, the enigmatic tweeter who isn’t shy about sharing his hopes, fears and one-liners:

Just saw a wasp on Tinder and tried to swipe right, but it was a real wasp on my screen and I killed it and it stung my hoof. I’m lonely.

Farmer just burst into tears because no one likes eating his apples any more. I told him to grow a pear.

Just gave a worm a massage and killed it by mistake.

On Jeremy Kyle tomorrow because a deer is accusing me of sleeping with his wife. The baby sounds like me. I’m having a deer-neigh test...

Beat the Cartoonist!

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-May. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £100 and a framed copy of the cartoon with your caption. submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption by May 12. We’ll announce the winner in our July issue.

March’s Winner

There were no end of creative captions this month, ensuring that cartoonist Peter king’s caption, “We need to discuss your balance”, was trounced by reader Danny lapsley’s effort, “So, Jones, a little bird tells me you’re not happy with my management style”, which attracted 45 per cent of the vote. We might stop keeping score from next month…

in the june issue

Living On An Island

We talk to the people who have gone to rather extreme lengths to escape from the hustle and bustle of the modern world

Plus

• 100-Word-story Winners

• early Warnings of illnesses

• Ben Kingsley on Learning to Drive

• eu Referendum: in Or Out?

• Cuba in the 21st Century

60 Second Stand-Up

We caught up with cheeky comic and impressionist Bobby Davro

WhaT’S YOUR FaVOURITE OF YOUR OWN JOKES?

I found a Chelsea football shirt all screwed up in a plastic bag. I thought, I’ll hold on to that—because plastic bags are five pence.

haVE YOU FOUND aNY PaRTS OF ThE cOUNTRY TO BE FUNNIER ThaN OThERS?

I love Plymouth and I also like Liverpool. It’s the same jokes for everybody and they all seem to laugh at me. Everyone needs a good laugh.

WhaT’S YOUR MOST MEMORaBLE hEcKLE ExPERIENcE?

I very rarely get heckled. Have you got a better question than that?

DO YOU haVE aNY FUNNY TaLES aBOUT a TIME YOU BOMBED ON STaGE?

Well, it wasn’t funny, but there was one time when I performed at a tribute dinner for rugby player Jeremy Guscott. At the end of the show, I got pelted with little rugby stress balls. Tough crowd.

WhO’S YOUR cOMEDY INSPIRaTION?

Robin Williams. He was a genius.

WhaT’S YOUR FaVOURITE ONE-LINER?

This needs a bit of set up. I say, “I’m going to do some singing impressions. Who would you like me to do?”

Someone shouts, “Beyoncé!”

I say, “Whatever floats your boat.”

They go, “Oh no, that’s buoyancy.”

IF YOU WERE a FLY ON ThE WaLL, WhO’S WaLL WOULD YOU BE ON?

My ex wife’s…no, I can’t say that. How about the prime minister?

Bobby Davro is touring nationwide this month. For details and to book tickets, visit ticketmaster.co.uk FOR