Reader's Digest UK May 2015

R E A D E R ’ S D I G E S T

MAY 2015

| S M A L L A N D

Blooming Brilliant!

P E R F E C T L Y

Enjoy more articles than ever in our special spring issue

“I Remember”: Tom Conti

Best of British: Libraries

PAGE 20

PAGE 66

I N F O R M E D

100-Word-Story Competition Winners PAGE 59

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Make A Rat Laugh

PAGE 36

M A Y 2 0 1 5

If I Ruled the World .........................................80 Laugh! ............................................................140 Books that Changed my Life .........................129 Word Power ...................................................133 60-Second Stand-up .....................................144 Beat the Cartoonist ........................................143

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MAY 2015

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editor’s letter

IN EVERY ISSUE 6 8

Over to You See the World Differently Entertainment

17

May’s cultural highlights Health

48 54

Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton

80

If I Ruled the World: Brent Hoberman

96

Travel & Adventure

Inspire

Column: Catherine Cole

Money

102 108

Column: Nick Hill Mis-selling: Harvey Jones Food & Drink

112 Tasty recipes and ideas from Rachel Walker Home & Garden

116

Column: Alison Cork

120

Olly Mann’s gadgets

122

Georgina Yates on how to look your best

124

May Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: James Cracknell

Technology

Fashion & Beauty

Books

129

Fun & Games

130 133 136 140 143 144

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You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers Laugh!

Beat the Cartoonist 60-Second Stand-Up: Lucy Beaumont

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spring is here again,

and to celebrate we’ve packed your favourite monthly magazine with more features than ever—in fact, it’s difficult to know where to start…

Well, first of all, we’re announcing the winners of our annual 100-WordStory Competition on p59. We faced a massive task in choosing the very best stories from the thousands of entries, but it was lovely to meet the winners and to present their tales.

Then there’s our interview on p20 with Tom Conti, who’s still appearing onstage 55 years after performing in Chekov’s The Seagull as a fresh-faced 18-year-old. We also tackle diabetes on p42 and alcohol dependency on p74, looking at the different ways of coping with these conditions.

On a different note, the bookworms among you will be delighted with our selection of British libraries on p66.

And have you ever wanted to make a rat laugh? The jury might be out on that one, but turn to p36 anyway to learn some quirky facts about humour.

Tom Browne theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk pinterest.com/rdigestuk google.com/+ReadersDigestUK1​

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How are these dogs improving lives?

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Visit readersdigest. co.uk/inspire/charity to find out

Winner of the Caption Competition In our January issue, we asked you to come up with a caption for this picture. After going through many entries, we’ve picked a winner: Doris pointed to where her dignity had gone while her “friend” Mavis just laughed and waved as it left.

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Over to You letters on the march issue

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

✯ letter of the month...

Despite the UN telling us that we should be eating insects to fight world hunger, most Britons will be appalled by the idea.

But your “Best of British” feature could help change our minds.

From chicken balti pies to clangers, it seems we Brits have always been willing to try something different if it’s wrapped in pastry. Grasshoppers and crickets may not look appealing, but with a golden crust the temptation could be too great. And with meat rapidly becoming a luxury, we may soon have no alternative. Wasp-and-ale pie, anyone?

David Bennett, St o ke- O n -Trent

rediscovered recipe I really loved your article on pies, and I found a great recipe for “the absolute best steak and Guinness pie” online. The recipe was originally found left on the seat of a train and the finder then posted it on the internet. It’s now a regular in our house (right), though I use my husband’s home-brewed stout in place of the Guinness.

Please don’t forget apple pies too, especially when they’re made even 6

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more delicious with Bramley apples and some hedgerow blackberries.

Janet France, Po wy s

home comforts Thank you for publishing the story about the young refugee Fanus and her gruelling journey to safety (“Escape to Europe”). Reading such a tale makes me thankful that I live in the UK. While this country isn’t perfect, I’ve never felt the threat this young lady felt in her country. Sometimes, when one watches news stories on illegal immigrants, one can forget that each person has personal reasons for walking down the particular path they’re travelling.

Joel Arshad, S o u t h a m p t o n

time for a siesta Jenny Eclair in “If I Ruled the World” suggests taking afternoon naps. But this would be quite alien to the British way of life—it’s impossible with our short winter days!

On the other hand, siestas were the norm when we farmed in Africa.

At dawn, my husband and the workforce would be out in the tobacco lands to plant or reap the crop before the sun became unbearable. Noon was the time to return home for a well-earned rest.

The animals would also retire to the shade, and even the birds became quiet. Everyone and everything WE WANT TO HEAR

FROM YOU!

enjoyed those energising afternoon snoozes!

Sheila Chisnall, D e v o n

feelings of solidarity Facing another day with that tiredof-feeling-tired hill to climb, it was welcome and reassuring to read your article “Are You Tired or Sick?”

Struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), it was encouraging to share in other people’s experiences.

And with a potential “recognised” medical diagnosis for CFS around the corner, your article came at just the right time. I may be tired, but I’m not alone in my plight.

karen taylor, D o r s e t

A Gripping read The feature “Sole Survivor” was absolutely gripping. It gave a real insight into what it’s like to be the only person to get out of an aircraft accident. The illustrations were excellent and the summary of the actual events was clear and easy to absorb.

Journalism doesn’t get much better than this, and I’m sure I speak for many other readers in congratulating the author on such an informative and entertaining piece on such a fascinating subject.

Lucy pesaro, L o n d o n

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Photos : © NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images 8

see the world Turn the page

photos: © prisma bildagentur/alamy

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...differently The small gold-leafed Kyaiktiyo Pagoda, built atop the spherical boulder about 26 feet across, is a revered Buddhist shrine in Myanmar. Visitors marvel at how the boulder rests so precariously on the separate tabular rock, which lies 124 miles north-east of the former capital Yangon. Yet it has stayed put for centuries, like any respectable rock. (Actually it’s roughly pyramid shaped with a flat base, if examined from the far side.) But one legend has it that a strand of the Buddha’s hair placed underneath it 2,500 years ago after the boulder was miraculously shipped there allows it to defy gravity.

R e as o n s to b e c h e e r f u l

He never thought it would happen, but James Brown is turning 50 and it’s time for a few changes

Taking A Run-Up To A Milestone

James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: “We can’t concentrate, why should you?”

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Life should be one long Bucket List, but it’s far easier to slip into everyday routine than stimulate, inspire and push yourself into doing something different.

I’m 50 in September—and that’s something I never thought I’d say. Seventeen years ago, the author Tony Parsons said to me, “We can’t just drift into middle age as soft, flabby men.” I was 33, so the issue seemed a long way off. I was slimmer, my head was still full of hair and I had an easy job with an elastic expense account—there didn’t seem much to worry about in the world. And life’s still pretty cushy, if a little less exciting or dramatic: “set in your ways” is what they call it.

I recently calculated I was 199 days away from my birthday and I felt that was enough time to achieve something or do things differently. Most times I’ve tried to get fit or change things, I’ve balked at the length of time and commitment it would take, but this seemed like a good target.

I decided to create something in my mind I would call the 199-Day Project. It wouldn’t be an organised thing, but it would be there, in my thoughts, affecting how I went about things. The aim was to get in shape and become the man I want to be. Not some Bagpuss version of it.

As a kid I was a skinny, hungry boy desperate to make his way in the world. A friend who knew me then recently told me I’d been “a force of nature”. It’s hard to capture that spirit, though, when you’ve already got the things you

Illustration by MATTHEW BRAZ IER

subconsciously wanted back then (food, emotional comfort, secure family and clean clothes) and when you’ve enjoyed in abundance what you really wanted (recognition, work, excitement, drink and sex).

Reader’s Digest

To get me started, I grabbed onto a few things to help me along.

One of them was something my girlfriend told me the model Kate Moss had said: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

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R e as o n s to b e c h e e r f u l

I imagined the furore this must physical work as I can. I chopped have caused among those concerned my big log pile down into burnable with the health of impressionable sizes in one very long and intense teens, but the connection between afternoon session. The sound and taste and size seemed to register feel when a log splits beneath your with me. I also concluded that if axe is immense.

I went back to caring about what I I’ve cleared the rest of the bottom consumed, I might get into a better of the garden and I’ve got a summer frame of mind. house being built next week.

So far I’ve managed Removing a hundred to quit caffeine, and bricks by hand and for the moment I’m taking them to the The sense of not quite so hungry council tip on a cold for sugar as I was—the Sunday morning at energy and first week was hard, 7am was a workout in release I’m but I think I’m passed itself. The temperature that hurdle now. I feeling is quite and time reminded me can already fit into of when I was running profound— shirts that I couldn’t around Leeds delivering at Christmas. milk before school I think that I’ve also decided when I was 14. attitude is to try and shake up It’s already having our everyday menu an effect when I play everything and start making some football with people new meals. I needed to my own age. Last week get rid of the trees I’d been chopping I found myself playing alongside a down, so I went on Twitter and very famous Hollywood actor in an managed to swap a load of bayleaf indoor eight-aside game. Of the first branches for a lobster with a local ten shots I had, nine went in. That’s fishmonger. It was quite a weird and had never happened before! The unexpected experience, but it made game finished 14-14, but every time for great spaghetti lobster—something I scored I had the experience of this I’d never have considered having at friendly famous face grabbing me home before. and laughing in delight.

Physically I need to be lighter and thinner to get some spring in my step I’ve even been inspired to go to and take the pressure off my knees. new places after hearing Tom Hall I’ve not joined a gym or anything; I’m from the travel magazine Lonely just pushing myself to do as much Planet talking on the radio about 14

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Reader’s Digest

South America. His talk was truly inspiring, and I’ve since decided I’m going to book onto the ferries that take you through Chilean fjords where you can hear glaciers and icebergs cracking as you go.

The sense of energy and release I’m feeling is quite profound. I think that attitude is everything. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life worrying as much as I’ve found myself doing in recent years—about the past, the future, my teenage son’s future, my health. I don’t want achievements to be measured by

whether or not I’ve put a bin bag out or hit a certain number of views on my website. It’s physical achievement and a desire to complete things that will sharpen my mind—they go hand in hand.

Yesterday I opened a box set of mini-Penguin books I’ve had almost untouched for a few years. I’d only read one by an author I know well.

Now I intend to read all 70 of them as part of the 199 Project.

I guess you’ll know if the project worked out if I file my column from Chile in the autumn…

urban springwatch Spot the creatures who mark the arrival of our sunnier seasons, as recognised by thepoke.co.uk: Office luncher (parkus snackus interfereus) Usually found in parks around midday, the office luncher can be seen attempting to nibble on a supermarket sandwich while frantically trying to swat away wasps and flies.

Park bench drinker (specialus brewus consumus) Usually seen in small groups, the park bench drinker emerges from hibernation to feed on a warm amber nectar. Groups will often begin shouting and/or fighting as dusk draws in.

Daytime TV squinter (this morningus unwatchablus) An exclusively indoor species, who squints to watch daytime television because the sun is shining directly on the TV. More determined members are known to never open curtains during summer.

Shirtless wanderer (manboob displayus) The shirtless wanderer is a male who refuses to constrain their body with any kind of shirt, despite the weather and common sense indicating they should be fully clothed.

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specsavers.co.uk

Applies to one pair of glasses, from £69 range or above. Includes all frames, lenses and Extra Options. Excludes reglazes, safety eyewear, contact lens products and non-prescription sunglasses.

Cannot be used with other offers. Discount not transferable in whole or part for cash. Free eye test funded by the NHS. SKUs 25664249 / 25664294. ©2014 Specsavers. All rights reserved.

e n t e r ta i n m e n t

■■foreign language: the new girlfriend Although adapted from

a Ruth Rendell story, this quirky French film is difficult to categorise. Following the death of his wife, David (Romain Duris) turns to his friend Claire (Anais Demoustier) for support, then shocks her with his habit for cross-dressing.

This identity-crisis drama combines black comedy farce, romance and tragedy, although it’s not for everyone.

■■COMEDY: THE BEAT BENEATH MY FEET South London teenager Nicholas

is an aspiring, bespectacled musician who’s watching all the cool kids get the glory at school. When he discovers his mysterious neighbour (Luke Perry) is a legendary guitarist who supposedly died eight years ago, the two strike up a deal: Nick will keep schtum if Steve teaches him all he knows.

DVD of the month ■■Poldark

The modern-day, more muscly remake of the TV classic set in 18thcentury Cornwall.*

On Your Radar Dawn Vanstone, horse-riding instructor Watching: Call The Midwife (BBC1) I’ve loved

watching the passage through history from the first series to the current one.

Reading: Chocolat by Joanne Harris It was a bit slow to start with,

but I’m getting into it now. I haven’t seen the film yet.

Online: Word games

I play a lot of online Scrabble.

It’s good for my brain and broadens my vocabulary.

Listening: BBC Radio 2

I have a very eclectic taste in music.

At the moment, I turn the radio up really loud when Taylor Swift’s “Style” comes on—it’s very catchy!

Fancy appearing in this section? Send your current cultural favourites, along with short descriptions, to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk 18

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* TO BUY DVDS FEATURED HERE, GO TO SHOP.READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

© B.CALMEAU / © BBC/Ma mmoth / © SCOOP FILMS

Identity crisis: Romain Duris as the loving but troubled David

Reader’s Digest

Music

by ma n d i g o o d i e r

Why Make Sense?

by Hot Chip

Album of the Month

Hot Chip open their sixth album with a mantra: “Replace us with the things that do the job better,” the disco-infused “Huarache Lights” urges. This seemingly disparaging lyric is actually a challenge: go ahead, see if you can!

Fifteen years into their career, Hot Chip are still funny, layered, sensual, intelligent and perfectly able to fill a dance floor. Postmodern in their approach, they bring all kinds of noises to the mix: 1990s hip hop; robo voices; unapologetic synth; and nostalgic bleeps and blops. So why bother replacing something that does the job perfectly well?

Key tracks: “Huarache Lights”, “Dark Night”, “Easy to Get” Like this? You may also like: Kraftwerk, LCD Soundsystem, Metronomy

© Tom Oldha m/REX

Overlooked Record from the Past Live in 1960 by Sister Rosetta Tharpe

Otherwise known as the “Godmother of Rock ’n’ Roll”, Sister Rosetta Tharpe rode a wave of popularly during the 1940s with her unique and soulful blend of gospel and guitar. It’s easy to see her influence on the likes of Elvis, Little Richard and Chuck Berry.

Nowhere was her energy and presence more apparent than when she played live—she could sing until you cried and keep going until you smiled. This stripped-back album gives you just her guitar, her vocals and a light bass drum, and you’ll need nothing more. listen to these albums at READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/LISTEN

On Our Radar London Craft Week, May 6–10, A

seven-day celebration of craftmanship.

World Hunger Day, May 28, Hold an

event to help end hunger and poverty.

Doctor Who Symphonic Tour, May 23–29,

Orchestra tour hosted

by Peter Davison.

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entertainment

Actor Tom Conti, 73, has won numerous awards for his work on stage and screen. He is currently on tour in a new production of Twelve Angry Men

Tom Conti …A VERY PLEASANT CHILDHOOD. I suppose you would have called us middle class. My mother and father, Mary and Alfonso, owned ladies’ hairdressing salons in Scotland. We lived in a nice neighbourhood in Paisley and I had a great bunch of mates. Believe it or not, a few of us actually met up a couple of years ago; we’ve been friends for the best part of 70 years!

We were formed, of course, by the war years. The one thing that was at the forefront of our minds was that great British sense of fair play. There was a 20

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xxx

“I Remember”

xxx

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I remember

Tom before he found fame

morality that guided our childhood, and I think so many people from that generation carried it on into adulthood. It made us who we became.

…REALISING I WASN’T LAZY; I WAS DYING! For most of my school life, people told me I was lazy. It was as if I couldn’t be bothered with school or study. By the time I was about 15 or 16, my parents were getting a bit fed up with this, so they dragged me off to the doctor, where I was diagnosed with tuberculosis. One of the first symptoms of TB is exhaustion. Luckily, I wasn’t infectious. For years, I’d been under the impression that I was a lazy git, but it seems that I was actually taking a slow walk to death’s door! …TELLING MY PARENTS I WANTED TO BE AN ACTOr. The big hope for all middle-class parents back then was that their child became a doctor or a

…LIVING IN HAMLEYS TOY SHOP. A couple of times each year, my parents would spend a few days in London for business meetings, seeing all the latest London hairstyles and new gadgets for the salons.

Every morning, they would head off to their meetings and leave me at Hamleys…for the whole day! By day two, I was on first-name terms with all the staff, riding the rocking horses, zooming around on the racing cars and living every kid’s fairy tale life.

Can you imagine what would Cutting a happen if a parent did that todash at the day? Social Services would be age of 16 out in a flash!

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Reader’s Digest

© p revious i mage: David Ros e/REX ph otos courtesy of tom con ti

lawyer. I was doing OK academically, but my parents had taken me to the theatre a few times and this acting thing just seemed to grab me.

We were all sitting round the dinner table when I told them and, initially, there was a worrying silence. They eventually came round, but those early years weren’t all plain sailing. I got the part of Kostya in Chekov’s The Seagull when I was 18 and, at rehearsal, the director said, “Tom, you’re absolutely marvellous…until you speak.”

…DISCOVERING THE SECRET OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE. My wife Kara [artist and actress Kara Wilson] and I got married in 1967. For one reason or another, there’s been a lot of talk about our marriage over the last few years [the couple were rumoured to have had an open relationship that included a string of affairs], but let me just say that it was all a long time ago.

For me, the most important part of any relationship is being together. Even if I had a job that took me to the other side of the world for three months, Kara and I were never apart for more than two weeks. We must have been doing something right—we’ve been together for almost 50 years! …THE JOYS OF FATHERHOOD. It didn’t come naturally to me. The leadup to being a parent was a feeling of absolute panic. I didn’t have a real job, I didn’t have a vocation…how could I look after my family? I was on the verge

An early role in Chekov’s The Seagull

of giving up on acting and trying for medicine! Then Nina [comedy ventriloquist Nina Conti] came along and life took over: nappies, sleepless nights, all of that. And you fall in love with this little person.

I knew she was going to be a comedian when we sat and watched Walter Matthau and George Burns in a film called The Sunshine Boys. We must have watched that film a 100 times and I could tell that she understood what made people laugh. I might be able to do comedy in a film, but what Nina does—stand-up, making people laugh for an hour—takes some guts!

…WHEN TV DRAMA MATTERED. I’m not saying we don’t get decent TV dramas these days, but back in the 05•2015

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I remember

1960s and 1970s, the stuff that was going out really was amazing. You wanted to be in a TV drama because it was written by Alan Ayckbourn or an Oscar-winner such as Frederic Raphael [Conti starred in Ayckbourn’s The Norman Conquests in 1977 and his first major TV role was in Raphael’s The Glittering Prizes a year earlier].

That stuff would never get on TV now because there are too many long words and not enough action. We’re not even allowed to read the news sitting down any more; we have to walk around and wave our bloody arms. It’s the news, for God’s sake! Aren’t the words enough?

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…WINNING A TONY AWARD IN 1979 for the Broadway production of Whose Life is it Anyway? I’m sure if you ask any actor if they’re good, they’ll struggle to find an answer. If you agree, you’re a big-head. I never wanted to be a star; I just wanted to be a better actor.

Living in New York was fun, though.

Nina loved it! We had this swanky apartment on the 27th and 28th floors with views of both rivers.

Funnily enough, I met Mick Jagger while I was working on Whose Life. He came to see it one night. If we’re talking about stars, let’s talk about Mick.

Could I do what he does every night?

Sadly, I don’t have the waist for it!

© p hotos courtesy of tom conti / © Piers Allardyce/REX

Family bliss: with daughter Nina and wife Kara in New York; (right) Kara and Tom in 2012; (far right) a portrait of Tom painted by his wife

Reader’s Digest

…SHIRLEY VALENTINE. There was something about that film that really seemed to click with the public. Here we are, over 25 years after it was released, and we’re still talking about it. Bits of my character Costas were sort of based on my father. Not the womanising! His relaxed manner, the way he spoke. Italians can’t say

“the” and Greeks can’t say “shh”. So Shirley became Sirrelly Valentine.

People always ask why we didn’t do a follow-up; in fact, Pauline Collins and I were talking about it when she came over for dinner recently. I did have an idea for a sequel and mentioned it to the writer Willy Russell. Costas is an old guy, still pulling birds from Wolverhampton, but he wakes up one day and realises he hates his life. He remembers Shirley, decides he still loves her and heads off to Liverpool to find her.

Willy said he couldn’t write it, but I think it would have been wonderful.

…DABBLING IN POLITICS. Well, I wouldn’t even call it dabbling; all I’ve done over the years is shout a lot.

I can’t help it…things annoy me. I did consider standing for London Mayor because, frankly, none of that lot we’ve got could run a cake shop, never mind a country. Farage is the only original in 05•2015

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I remember

the whole bunch, which is why people have responded to him.

I would make anyone who wanted to be in the Cabinet run a corner shop for a year so they could learn a little bit about what matters to ordinary people.

These buggers are career politicians— they know nothing about real life.

…BEING ASKED TO APPEAR IN FRIENDS. Every now and then, there’s a job that really makes you smile and this was one. I played the father of Ross’ fiancée Emily [Helen Baxendale] and Jennifer Saunders played her stepmum. The joy of doing a show such as Friends is that it’s such a well-oiled

machine and everybody gets on with their job. Egos? Are you kidding! They are some of the most down-to-earth people you could meet. They take the job seriously, but not themselves. Have you seen Matt LeBlanc’s new show Episodes? That guy is so cool it hurts!

…WoNDERING IF I PICKED THE WRONG JOB. Kara and I were talking the other day and, out of nowhere, I said, “I wish I’d been a conductor… touring the world with an orchestra.” I grew up listening to Verdi, Mozart and Beethoven, and did study the piano quite seriously. I’d love to have been a musician, but I knew I wasn’t good

© Movi estore collection Ltd/Alamy

With Pauline Collins in Shirley Valentine.

“We’re still talking about it after 25 years”

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Reader’s Digest

p hoto courtesy of BI LL KEN WRIGHT LTD

enough. My hands used to know the keyboard so well, but my fingers don’t work like they used to.

What was once a gentle leap between two notes is now a painful stretch. My playing isn’t so much Beethoven as Les Dawson.

Tom in Twelve Angry Men, in the role made famous by Henry Fonda

…STILL GETTING STAGE FRIGHT. Last year, I joined the cast of Twelve Angry Men in the West End and I enjoyed it so much that I’m touring the country with it. I understand that theatre isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but this grips you from start to finish. You’ve got this young kid about to be put to death for murder and I’m on the jury. It’s my job to ask, “Are you really sure he’s guilty?” Look at what’s happening all over the world.

This is as relevant now as when it was written in the 1950s.

The strange thing is that, even after almost 60 years of being on stage, I

still get scared. First night…absolutely bloody terrified!

As told to Danny Scott Twelve Angry Men finishes its tour at the Theatre Royal Glasgow next month.

Visit atgtickets.com for details.

an explosive bill “Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.” source: the daily telegraph

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entertainment

the

C i rc us T h at B ro ug h t B ac k

By Lisa Fitterm an

The Moon Goddess bestows her blessing on Miranda with a haunting song 28

photo: Charles Wi lliam Pelleti er

A look behind the scenes at this world-famous show

T

t h e c i r c u s t h at b r o u g h t b a c k M a g i c

he big-top tent is dark and quiet. The audience is fixed on Viktor Kee, who plays the halfman, half-reptile Cali in a Cirque du Soleil production called Amaluna. He balances on the rim of a giant water bowl, his tail flicking menacingly. Then the balls start to come: one, two, three, four, five of them arcing through the air, faster, faster. He catches and juggles them easily, almost casually. Then the last one—a white streak shot through with a licking flame—is on fire.

“Doesn’t it burn?” a little boy asks in a stage whisper, staring at the ring of fire in front of Kee’s body.

I want to lean over and point to Kee’s right forearm. Under his make-up it is unnaturally shiny and hairless from burns he suffered while practising several hours almost every day for 18 months before Amaluna debuted in spring 2012. Through trial, error and scar tissue, through countless tests of trajectories, speed and the optimal amount of lighting fluid so the balls burn for just 15 seconds, it’s testament to the work required to create a production that must look effortless.

“Magic” was what buskers Guy

Laliberté and Gilles Ste-Croix had in mind when they founded Cirque du Soleil in 1984. The two French Canadians wanted to put on a show like no other, the opposite of a circus with dancing elephants and a ringmaster.

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By the mid-1990s, the company was a success, with shows that highlighted the human body in all its twisting, leaping glory. Today from its Montreal headquarters its shows employ about 5,000 people from nearly 50 countries and generates close to $1 billion a year.

Some shows, such as “O” in Las Vegas, are permanent fixtures. Others are performed in smaller arenas around the world, where they are mounted and dismantled. Then there are the blockbuster shows such as Amaluna, which set up on huge vacant lots under a striped blue-and-yellow big top that can be seen from afar.

But what goes on behind the scenes?

What does it take to stage such a production? The answer is lots of people doing lots of jobs, big and small. As Kee, the mischievous star juggler, tells me: “We fool the eye and we fool the soul. The more simple it is, the more you shouldn’t trust it.”

Amaluna began in 2009 as a broad idea—a phrase, really, upon which to build a show. “I want an homage to women,” Guy Laliberté told Fernand Rainville, who would become “director of creation”, the Cirque’s version of a producer.

Fernand knew whom he wanted to write and direct the show. Diane Paulus, the artistic director of the American Repertory Theatre at Harvard University, had a CV that included the Broadway revival of the 1960s musical Hair and a mash-up of Shakespeare’s

“We fool the eye and we fool the soul.

The more simple it is, the more you shouldn’t trust it”

Reader’s Digest

p hoto: jef f ery sa lter

To do the impossible, Vicktor Kee, who plays Cali, practises every day

Midsummer’s Night’s Dream and a 20th-century disco called The Donkey Show. Petite, dark and decisive, she understood the importance of spectacle and story. And with two daughters of her own, she would bring a perspective that men could not.

“I’d always dreamed of doing a show in a tent,” Diane tells me. “It’s about communicating with the audience in a more intimate way.”

When she flew to Montreal, her first glimpse of the Cirque’s international headquarters was a bit jarring. Located in a working-class neighbourhood, it’s a concrete-and-glass complex that from a distance could be a spaceship crash-landed in a barren field.

Inside, she found a self-sufficient village—a cafeteria, three training rooms, ateliers for shoes, wigs and

costumes, rolls of cotton being dyed and cut, cobblers, athletes and offices.

And Guy Laliberté, slim with a poker player’s gaze and the confidence of one who once breathed fire for a living, was the controlling eye at the heart of it all.

As he ushered her into the complex, he got right down to business.

“I’ve always wondered where the planet would be if it was run by women,” he said.

“Me too,” she replied.

The remark stayed with her: a planet run by women. She didn’t want to do the circus version of a Busby Berkeley musical, where females were often objects of fantasy in elaborate costumes, with legs that went on forever. Diane wanted to build a great show that happened to revolve around women, with a strong story to carry it all.

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It took a year for the storyboard to form—not in words or scripts, but in drawings, tableaus and characters pasted up on a wall. Diane drew from Shakespeare’s Tempest and the trials of love in Mozart’s opera The Magic Flute, and she tossed in Greek myth and Norse legend for good measure: mothers, daughters, goddesses, flying Valkyries and fierce Amazons.

Shakespeare’s isle became Amaluna, a name that combines the word for “mother” in various languages with the Latin term for “moon”. Instead of Prospero, the island’s ruler was Prospera, who invites female creatures to celebrate as her daughter Miranda comes of age. A conjured storm, stranded sailors and Cali, based on the Tempest’s Caliban, a twisted, bitter son of witch and demon, all contribute to a tale where love wins out in the end.

As she wrote, Diane also spent hours at Cirque headquarters watching hundreds of audition tapes over YouTube and Skype. Some, like Kee and Iuliia Mykhailova, who plays Miranda, were already part of the Cirque’s formal roster of talent, either working for another show or waiting to be called upon. Others had never worked for the company before.

She saw women shot out of cannons, women juggling machetes, twins who took turns balancing on each other’s head, broad-shouldered gymnasts who reminded her of warriors.

And so it slowly came together—a play, a ballet, a circus and theatrical 32

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event all rolled into one. Performers worked for six months to a year with Fernand, Diane, choreographers and trainers, trying, discarding and perfecting what the director describes as a “story beyond language”.

F

rom a distance, the blueand-yellow Cirque du Soleil big top is silhouetted against a late-morning sky in Atlanta, Georgia, with storm clouds hovering at its edge. This will be one of the last stops for Amaluna before it moves on to Europe, beginning in Madrid this month. It’s infernally hot and muggy.

Flies are everywhere.

As I approach the service gate, a group of black-clad locals wait to begin a day of training in jobs such as concession sales, cleaning and ushering people to their seats. Staff members hurry by, speaking into crackling headsets, their clothes for the evening slung over their arms in wardrobe bags.

With eight hours to go before the dress rehearsal begins in front of a live audience, everything has to be as perfect as possible.

“It’s our big moment,” says production manager Byron Shaw, a laconic and goateed Australian. “Afterwards, we step back into the wings.”

Two weeks ago, this was a vacant lot. Amaluna’s convoy of 65 trucks and trailers arrived eight days ago to a site that resembled a colour-coded map, thanks to a crew from Montreal that spent five days preparing for the

Performers worked for six months to a year perfecting what the director describes as a “story beyond language”

p hoto: jef f ery sa lter

Iuliia Mykhailova, who plays Miranda, rehearses what she will later perform on the rim of a a giant bowl

set-up. They laid tarmac where needed and used spray paint to mark the exact centre of the Big Top and where each of the 1,200 stakes that support the tent lines had to be hammered four feet into the ground.

Since then, the tent and its 11 entrance tunnels, with a combined weight over 11,523 pounds, have been up for about a week. It took 80 people in hard hats and safety vests to hoist its eight canvas sections, which are treated to withstand most elements.

They braced themselves, two to each standard pole and four to each doorway version, as they pushed and heaved until the poles stood straight as soldiers.

The stage has been built and an ornate glass bowl—a central feature of the show that stands 5.5 feet tall, is

7.2 feet in diameter and weighs nearly 5,500 pounds when filled with water— has been wheeled onto it.

Now, packing crates wait to be carted away. Trailers and trucks are lined up against a wire fence at the back, out of the public’s sight. Freshly installed blue picket fences mark off private areas. A rectangular shaped box has VIP TOILET stenciled on it in bold yellow. In the mess tent—really a trailer equipped with floors that fold out, ovens, stoves and everything else needed to produce up to 250 meals a day six days a week—members of the set-up crew from Montreal chatter in French as they play cards during a coffee break.

It’s time to ensure that everything is working.

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the show and power everything on the site? Check.

The “grid” from which three acrobatic winches are suspended, allowing the Valkyries to fly more than 50 feet above the audience? Check.

Handicapped access, emergency exits and public toilets? Check, check and check again.

I sit in a darkened Big Top as a fire inspector intently watches Kee perform the fireball act. Michael Knight, the head of props, quietly tells me that in the beginning the balls were filled with polenta or semolina and covered with two layers of Kevlar and glue, which leaked in and got the filling wet.

“Setting them on fire cooked the filling into rock-solid chunks,” he says.

“Now we use ashtray sand and cover it with two layers of Kevlar.”

In the wardrobe section of a separate tent, department head Larry Edwards brushes out a blonde wig with hard, 34

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fast strokes that betray a childhood spent grooming horses in Australia.

The result looks soft and flowing, hair fit for the Moon Goddess, though in reality it’s so stiff it doesn’t move even when the Goddess performs on a hoop high above the audience.

Surrounded by nearly 1,800 costume pieces—including Cali’s lizard tail, which moves with the help of a fishing line—Edwards, 49, is in his element. He confides that having been a primaryschool teacher helps him greatly here.

Then Raphael Cruz wanders in. Dark, slight and wiry, the new understudy for Romeo, he’s working on a role that requires him to climb a bendy pole with his hands, then wrap his legs around the top and plummet, catching himself just before he bashes his head.

“I’m bleeding,” Cruz, says, turning around. The back of his white denim costume jacket is stained with red from a fall. “I don’t know what to do!”

THE CAN ADIA N PRESS /Graham Hughes

Artists pose for a photograph during the unveiling of Amaluna in Montreal in 2012

Reader’s Digest

“Stop bleeding,” Edwards replies, deadpan.

Then he has Cruz take off the jacket and promises to see what he can do, stain-wise. “Don’t worry,” he says.

“That’s my job.”

In practice, Iuliia Mykhailova— Amaluna’s Miranda—limbers up, her back arched into a perfect C as she pulls one leg straight up behind her, holds, then lowers it and pulls up the other. Then she crouches down, places her forearms on the floor, slowly raises her body while curving her legs over her head and holds the position, all fluid bones and muscle; the position is similar to one she holds on the lip of the giant bowl before diving in to continue the act under water.

Afterwards, in a bathrobe with her dark hair pulled back and her forearms encased in ice to prevent injury, Mykhailova seems younger than her 29 years. This role is hard, harder than anything she has done since she began training back home in the Ukraine when she was ten. She spent

eight months in Montreal developing it through trial and error, long days of learning how to perform in water, blocking out scenes and modulating her voice to speak Miranda’s few lines.

It’s an hour and a half before the lights go down for the dress rehearsal.

Kee sits in front of a mirror and starts to draw in his brow, the first of 25 steps in a routine that includes applying make-up to the back of his head and his body. In the beginning, it took him two and a half hours to transform himself. Now it takes only 90 minutes—the result, like everything else here, of trial, error and trying again.

This is the circus in all its sweaty, dusty, gritty glory: long hours, offices that can be packed up into one suitcase, emergency drills and practice, practice, practice. The goal is to create something that makes people catch their breath. Something that will spur children to tell their parents: “I want to run away to join the circus.”

Something magic.

A rat in the kitchen A man released his own pet rat in an all-you-can-eat buffet in Sunderland in an attempt to get out of paying his £7.25 bill. Christopher Baker was eating a meal at Borneo Bistro and had been drinking heavily. He decided to take the rat out of his pocket and let it loose, immediately causing disgust among other customers. The restaurant instantly offered him his money back, but when pest control arrived they could tell the rat was domesticated—because it had recently had a haircut. huffingtonpost.co.uk

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entertainment

How to Make A

Rat Laugh …and other little-known facts about humour

By Trac ey M id d lekauff

Y

ou probably laugh—or at least chuckle—at something you find amusing fairly often, but how much do you really know about laughter and humour?

We questioned six experts—a neuroscientist, two psychologists, a humour researcher, a sociologist and a laughter yoga teacher—to give us the lowdown on laughter.

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Illustrations by luc melanson

h o w t o m a k e a r at l a u g h

What’s the oldest joke in the world?

We can’t know the oldest joke because it would have existed prior to writing, as Christie Davies, professor of sociology at the University of Reading, points out. The oldest joke book that’s been found so far, the Greek Philogelos (“Laughter Lover”) dates from the fourth century AD, although the jokes date from an earlier time. According to psychologist Steve Wilson, director of National Humour Month, it contains 265 jokes, including this zinger: “A man

maybe they do think about murdering us all day. That, I contend, is funny.”

Can animals laugh?

As it turns out, there’s quite a bit of funny business going on in the animal kingdom. Not only do apes and dogs laugh, says Weems, but so do rats. And what do rats find so funny? Tickling!

According to Weems, the best way to get a rat to laugh is to tickle it. “Just use your fingers to tickle the rat’s belly like you might with a baby,” he says.

“Almost everyone is capable of developing a sense of humour” steve wilson, psychologist

goes to the barber. The barber asks how he would like his hair cut. The man replies, ‘Silently.’ ” Why are “funny” cat videos so much more popular than, say, dog videos?

The answer to this question may lie in what many people perceive as the inherent dark side of their feline friends.

“There was one meme where a kitten looked into a camera, with the caption saying that it’s thinking about killing you,” recalls Scott Weems, cognitive neuroscientist and author. “It comes down to conflict; we’re not sure what to make of cats. On one hand, they’re terribly cute. On the other, they’re just a handful of generations from hunting you down on the African savannah. So 38

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Do babies have a sense of humour?

Weems believes they have a rich sense of humour, albeit different from an adult’s. “Take peek-a-boo as an example. Babies love it. That’s because there’s an age when seeing something disappear is a little frightening. That jolt is followed by relief when we figure out that things remain there even if we don’t see them. That surprise and relief, to a baby at least, is a lot like a great stand-up routine for an adult.

In that way, humour says a lot about the complexity of our thinking.” And according to Rod Martin, professor of psychology at the Western University in Ontario, that sense of humour starts developing as early as five months, right about when we begin to laugh.

Do some children fail to develop a sense of humour to carry over into adulthood?

Martin believes that while technically everyone is born without a sense of humour, as we develop cognitively and socially, humour and laughter begin to emerge spontaneously. “Of course, some children (like adults) tend to be more serious, quiet and less likely to laugh frequently, but this doesn’t mean they don’t have an appreciation for humour.”

And according to Wilson, there’s no such thing as an adult without a sense of humour. “Almost everyone is capable of developing a sense of humour, and I teach people how,” he says. “Different aspects of our senses of humour come out depending on who we’re with. There’s a very strong social component to it.”

What are the different types of senses of humour?

Martin finds it useful to look at the ways individuals use humour in their daily lives and what function it serves for them. “Some people enjoy laughing and joking with others and making others laugh,” he explains. “Others are more quiet and introspective, but still find a lot of amusement at the absurdities of daily life. Others use humour in aggressive ways, such as teasing, sarcasm, racial and sexist jokes, etc.

For these people, humour seems to be a way of making themselves feel better at the expense of others.”

Reader’s Digest

Is any type of humour universal?

Everyone loves to laugh at other people’s mistakes, according to Davies.

Everyone laughs at the indirect breaking of verbal rules; in other words, we find it funny when taboos are broken regarding what we aren’t allowed to talk about in public. That said, as Davies points out, “What’s forbidden differs a lot between societies.”

But Peter McGraw, director of the Humour Research Lab at the University of Colorado Boulder and author, thinks that slapstick is a universal form of comedy, because it doesn’t rely on language to get its point across. “All you need,” he says, “is the right victim.”

Do people tend to share a sense of humour unique to their own national identity?

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measured scientifically: British humour tends to be absurd, while US humour has an assertive or aggressive quality. One study, Weems says, “had people from all over the world rate the quality of jokes and found that Germans tend to find everything funny.”

Can laughter improve your physical and emotional well-being—in other words, is it really the best medicine?

While laughter is no substitute for actual medical treatment, many experts

opposite? I think humour is best seen as a protective mechanism, something to keep our minds focused on positive things and our bodies free of stress.”

How can humour help us cope with adversity?

Anything that can distract us from our cares and concerns, no matter how briefly, could be beneficial. Wilson calls humour a “shock absorber.” He believes it can provide us with a sense of balance and perspective when the

“People should treat themselves to laughter every day” Nira Berry, laughter yoga teacher

believe that it can have a positive impact on one’s overall health and wellbeing. Davies says that while laughter has no direct effect on one’s physical health, “It’s a useful part of a cognitivebehavioural strategy aimed at being cheerful rather than depressed, and, of course, psychological states do influence physical health.”

And Weems says that laughter is the best medicine, just so long as “it’s combined with a good dose of penicillin”. He adds, “Laughter has been shown to improve heart health, immune system response and even pain tolerance. This shouldn’t be surprising, since we already know that stress and anxiety have terrible effects on the body. So why shouldn’t humour do the 40

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going gets tough. “There’s real value in comic relief,” he says. “A sense of humour is a perspective, a way of looking at things. Humour can make the unbearable a little more bearable.”

What are the funniest jokes from religious texts, if they exist?

If you’re looking for gut-busting laughs, you’re probably better off watching a comedy film than cracking open a religious tome. “There’s some humour in religious texts, in particular puns and irony,” Martin says. “But they’re usually not very funny. The attitude underlying religious experience tends to be quite different from that underlying humour.

Humour has a diminishing effect, poking fun at pomposity and excessive

Reader’s Digest

seriousness, and bringing things down to earth. Religion has the opposite effect of elevation, making things that are trivial and mundane seem important and sacred.”

Is laughter contagious?

“There have been dozens of studies that have shown that simply having people laugh near you is enough to make you laugh too,” says Weems.

What’s laughter yoga/laughter therapy? Can it help people?

Nira Berry is a laughter yoga teacher, health and happiness coach, and head of LaughingRx. She was certified as a laughter yoga teacher by the Indian doctor who founded the practice.

Calling it “yoga” is a bit of a misnomer, she says, in that the classes and workshops don’t actually revolve around

yoga poses. Instead, “what we’re doing is laughter, deep breathing, movement and being silly. We’ll role play silly moves with each other; for example, we’ll shake hands in a funny way and just laugh, or pretend we’re driving a car and laughing…we’re laughing with each other, letting go and being silly.” And she says her workshops are of tremendous emotional benefit to the participants. “After the workshops people tell me they feel uplifted, energised, joyful and happy—it’s an incredible experience.”

Humans need to let go and have a bit of fun every day, Berry believes, or they’ll burn out. Even if you can’t attend a laughter workshop, Berry maintains that “People should treat themselves to laughter every day. Life can be stressful and laughter is the perfect exercise to reduce stress.”

not really convincing What’s your best excuse for calling in sick? Employers share their most “memorable” at careerbuilder.com: Employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.

Employee needed to finish Christmas shopping.

Employee couldn’t decide what to wear.

Employee had just put a casserole in the oven.

Employee’s false teeth flew out of the window while driving down the motorway.

Employee woke in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/ENTERTAINMENT

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S

t a k e c o n t r o l o f D I ABETES

hortly after he turned 50, Jozef Janiga was visiting his diabetic father when, on the spur of the moment, he decided to test his own blood sugar level with his father’s glucose metering kit.

He pricked his finger, and to his astonishment the result placed him well on the road to becoming a Type-2 diabetic himself.

The Warsaw optician visited his family doctor, who prescribed metformin, an oral anti-diabetes drug, and soon his blood sugar dropped to an acceptable range. However, the physician didn’t follow up with dietary guidelines, additional testing or provide any other information on self-care, but simply continued to prescribe the drug for the next seven years.

But diabetes is a slow-moving disease that needs daily monitoring and management. Last year, Jozef began feeling poorly. He was dizzy, had muscle spasms and vision problems, and his heart beat like a hammer. In desperation, he went to a diabetes specialist, who ordered additional testing, put him on a strict diet and gave him full information about his disease.

Jozef, now 58, is more tired than he ever has been. He fears blindness. His kidneys have been damaged and he faces dialysis or a transplant.

He’s not alone. According to a startling November 2013 report, hundreds of thousands of European diabetics don’t have access to the information and professional help they need— putting them at significant risk for serious health consequences such as skin disorders and high blood pressure, blindness and even loss of limb.

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Further to this, Elodie Besnier, lead researcher for this first-of-its-kind study by the International Diabetes Federation Europe (IDF), which covers 47 countries, emphasises that “hundreds of thousands” is a “rather conservative estimate”.

Diabetes has reached epidemic proportions in Europe, according to the World Health Organisation, which estimates that one in every ten Europeans over the age of 24—some 60 million people in all—is living with diabetes. This total is rising steadily as life expectancy increases and the proportion of elderly people in the general population rises.

Diabetes is a chronic disease that occurs when the pancreas doesn’t produce enough insulin (Type 1 diabetes) or when the body cannot effectively use the insulin it produces (Type 2).

Insulin regulates blood sugar levels.

Reader’s Digest

Hyperglycemia, or raised blood sugar, over time leads to serious damage to many of the body’s systems, especially the nerves and blood vessels.

Although Type 1 diabetics—and some Type 2—require daily insulin injections, basic treatment for both types is otherwise the same: healthy eating, physical activity, weight control and regular testing of blood glucose levels. Thus, successful management of the disease depends on the knowledge and active involvement of the individual person.

But the IDF Europe report found that

injections. But his parents were not sufficiently educated about the gravity of his disease and they took no other steps to manage it. “As a teenager and in my early 20s, I didn’t pay much attention because I thought I was invincible,” he says. As an adult, he ran a successful executive chauffeur business. “In my 30s, I realised I had problems with vision and I had to take charge. I began checking my own blood sugar, eating better and getting more exercise.”

But ongoing daily vigilance is critical from the first signs of diabetes, and

many general practitioners are insufficiently educated about diabetes and sometimes fail to provide adequate care there’s an “alarming” lack of continuous diabetes education for people with diabetes, their families and healthcare professionals. And without it, many European diabetics are unable to manage their disease and are in a downward spiral that, if unchecked, can lead to health complications and even premature death.

Duncan Venables, who lives in Dorset, was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when he was seven years old, and began receiving daily insulin

for Duncan it was too late. Last year, when he was 40, he experienced extreme fatigue and was hospitalised.

“They amputated my right leg below the knee. Then the upper leg got infected and they had to remove that too. Then I lost sight in one eye and I developed heart problems.” He was in hospital for five months.

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Rea d e r ’ s D i g e s t

website of Diabetes UK, the charitable group. “I keep up with all the latest information through Diabetes UK. They send me weekly emails and they have a 24-hour helpline that enables me to talk to an expert if I have any questions. They’ve helped me keep my diabetes under control.” He’s also joined a local diabetes self-help group that holds monthly meetings.

Tony gives himself four insulin injections a day—one with each meal and one in the evening, and as a professional driver, he’s required to test his sugar level every two hours. He sees his physician every six months, “and if

I have a problem I can see him or a diabetic nurse immediately”.

He makes sure he exercises as often as possible. “There’s a lovely footpath along the Thames near my home, and I walk it a lot. Usually an hour out and an hour back.” He avoids puddings, except as a treat. “More importantly, I read food labels religiously because there’s sugar in a lot of processed foods, especially the low-fat foods.”

The results are impressive. “My insulin levels are lower, my feet are in good shape and my blood pressure is down. I’m going to do my damndest to keep this thing under control.”

dear noisy neighbour…

Kept awake by their neighbours’ habits, these sleep-deprived residents decided to leave a note (as seen at smosh.com): A friendly Haiku Welcome, new neighbour From the sounds of my ceiling you are a dinosaur.

Dear neighbours, Someone in this building loves Christmas music. If that person could please remember that not everyone has the same bizarre taste in music, and that people can hear it very clearly, and do not appreciate being forced to listen to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (and every other song) at 7am in March.

Thank you, Merry Xmas.

Hello, I just thought you might like to know that I think your pet elephants have been bowling while you were out. I’m concerned only for their safety—bowling can be dangerous.

From downstairs.

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HEALTH

How Can We All Live Longer?

By s usa n n ah h i c k l i n g

Well, obviously we can’t give any guarantees,

but research is suggesting that there are several ways to ensure you at least age well: ■ Win the lottery of life. A tricky one, we admit, if Susannah is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

you’re not blessed with long-life genes. However, the British Society for Research on Ageing says that genetics is thought to be 25% responsible for determining life expectancy. That means the other 75% is down to you.

■ Veer away from vices. Avoiding smoking, not

becoming overweight and not boozing to excess are choices we can make to increase our longevity.

■ Enjoy life. A recent study of 3,199 people aged 60-plus

■ Meditate more—but cut down on meat. A 2013

study published in The Lancet Oncology found that, in a group of men with prostate cancer, those who went on a strict vegetarian diet and did exercise, meditation and yoga had cell rejuvenation, while the others didn’t. So it follows that doing yoga and keeping off the meat could also be 48

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© Blen d Im ages/Ala my

reported that older people who were happy—for example, enjoying the things they did and being with other people— tended to walk faster and lead healthier lives. In particular, they had slower declines in physical function as they aged.

beneficial for people who don’t have prostate cancer.

■ Eat less. In fact, eating less

of everything could help you live longer. A well-known ongoing study on the large number of centenarians

in Okinawa, Japan, found that the trim and vibrant 100-year-olds of the island eat only until they are 80% full (a philosophy known as hara hachi bu). So, until someone comes up with a fountain of youth, that sounds like a good plan.

have a ’Appy meal Do you have a food allergy or intolerance and find eating out a nightmare? Help could be at hand in the shape of a new, free app. Developed by a coeliac sufferer, Biteappy is a worldwide restaurant directory that allows you to hunt down eateries that

cater for people on special diets, including diners with allergies, those on gluten-free or vegan regimes, and even people looking for hosher or halal food. Available for Apple and Android devices. Find out more at biteappy.com 05•2015

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H e a lt h

1

Switch to decaf. Caffeine is thought to hamper blood flow to the ears.

2

Gorge on guacamole. Avocados are rich in magnesium. Studies show that low levels of magnesium might make you more susceptible to noise-induced hearing loss.

3

Take to your bed with a cold.

Give your body a break when you’ve picked up a bug. It’ll be less likely to progress to an ear infection, which could affect your hearing.

4

Drink wine. Moderate drinking is believed to protect against age-related hearing loss. Just don’t overdo it.

5

Get rid of wax. It’s supposed to come out naturally, but it can block your ear canal and affect hearing. Try ear drops from the chemist or, if the problem persists, ask your GP or practice nurse if you can have your ears syringed.

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Moob Matters What are moobs? Gynaecomastia —or man boobs or “moobs” to you and me—are simply enlarged breasts in men, and they’re pretty common. You might just have a small amount of extra tissue around the nipples or much more prominent breasts.

Why do men maketh moobs?

They’re often the result of a hormone imbalance, but there are other reasons too, including side-effects of anti-ulcer or heart medication, or other health issues, such as kidney failure and liver disease. Experts also point the finger at alcohol, using cannabis or anabolic steroids.

How do you lose them? Sadly, it’s not that easy. In spite of what you might have heard, your man boobs are nothing to do with being overweight. Trying to build up your pecs is unlikely to help either. But if they bother you (and especially if there’s any lump or unusual appearance, such as dimpling), go and see your GP.

© shutterstock/Semm ick Photo

Five Ways to Improve Your Hearing

Reader’s Digest

Eat Your Way DIY Yoga Out Of Asthma At Your Desk

© shutterstock/T-Design / © shutterstock/Su rrphoto

Tuck into toms. One study found that people who ate tomatoes three times a week had improved lung function and fewer asthma symptoms.

Scoff salmon. It’s packed with omega-3 fatty acids, which fight inflammation. Studies suggest that people who eat lots of them have healthier lungs than those who don’t.

Mackerel and anchovies are good sources too.

Sip a coffee. In a survey of more than 72,000 people, those with asthma who drank one cup of coffee a day had 5% fewer attacks than people who drank none. Drinking two cups a day cut the rate by 23%, while three cups brought a 28% reduction. The researchers think that the caffeine acts as a bronchodilator, expanding constricted airways.

An apple a day. According to research, people who bit into more than five apples a week had fewer asthmalike symptoms.

Spend too much time sitting? This simple stretch could cut your risk of sciatica and give you greater flexibility in your legs and hips.

Sitting at your desk, cross your right foot over your left knee, extending the left leg out a little if necessary. Keeping your right foot flexed to protect the ankle, lift the upper body tall, then hinge forward at the hips with a flat back. Hold the stretch for several deep breaths.

Repeat on the other side.

This month’s health check Scrutinise your moles and see your doctor if you notice any of these: A Asymmetry: the two halves don’t match.

B Border irregularity: the edges are jagged.

C Colour: it’s uneven. Can you see different shades of black, brown or pink?

D Diameter: it’s more than 6mm wide.

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ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

Introducing the OnlineClinic SOMETIMES YOU GET STUCK FOR TIME, it’s a fact of life. Like many other people from time to time, you may have let bad timing get in the way of good health. It isn’t always practical to visit the doctor or to take a trip to the pharmacy, and that’s where OnlineClinic comes in.

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OnlineClinic was one of the first online healthcare providers to use the online consultation process, and has always ensured that a UK-registered doctor

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Our team of registered pharmacists oversees the packaging and delivery of all of our treatments and every prescription treatment is dispatched discreetly by courier for same or nextday delivery.

HOW DOES IT WORK? To begin a consultation with OnlineClinic simply visit the site readersdigest.onlineclinic.co.uk and select the condition that you’re experiencing. You’ll be provided with

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OnlineClinic offers patients a safe and secure way to order prescription medication DR HILARY JONES OnlineClinic Medical Advisor

offer that would be more effective or if you would be better off not using a prescription treatment at all.

One of the advantages of the OnlineClinic’s consultation process is that, because there’s no obligation to order any medication once you receive your diagnosis, you can receive expert guidance without having to take the time to visit your GP. In the event that the doctor decides that a prescription treatment is not right for you, you’ll be provided with medical advice, and you can make use of the Customer Service team if you’re ever short on information.

OnlineClinic ensures that every one of its patients is treated professionally and under guidance from the highest possible medical standards.

Since being founded in 2002, OnlineClinic has gone on to successfully treat over a quarter of a million patients.

For professional medical care visit readersdigest.onlineclinic.co.uk or call us on 020 3322 2225 for more information.

information that you can then use to select the medication and dosage that you feel will be best suited to you. Once you’ve selected a medication you’ll be moved on to the consultation page where you’ll answer questions about your condition and medical history.

OnlineClinic’s registered doctors will use the information you provide to diagnose you and recommend whether the treatment you have selected is suitable for treatment, they might also recommend if they think that there’s another treatment on

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HEALTH

Getting Into A Bit Of A Jam By max p e m b e r to n

“Organic Morello Cherry preserve, huh?”

Max is a hospital doctor and author.

He’s also the resident doctor on ITV’s This Morning

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came the voice from nowhere. I looked up. I knew this man from somewhere, but where? I smiled benignly.

“Yes, it’s great with porridge,” I said, trying not to be too committal. “So,” I hesitated, “how have you been?”

He didn’t answer but looked down at the jam again. I began to feel rather self-conscious about my choice of conserve. I looked at all the cleaning products stacked in my trolley that I’d picked up in a effort to blitz-clean my flat that weekend.

I noticed him eyeing them up too.

“I haven’t got some obsessive cleaning thing or anything,” I mumbled. “It’s just I’ve got the car, and you know, heavy bags…” my voice trailed off. Both our eyes fell on the four packs of J-cloths I had in my hand.

I had a vague feeling of unease about this man, as though we had a history which wasn’t altogether pleasant. I looked at him again. He was wearing a suit, neatly parted hair.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” he said, “seeing you here, away from the hospital, doing normal things like, well, shopping.”

Suddenly, it came back to me who he was. He’d been a patient of mine a year ago. He had bipolar disorder and had been very unwell when he was admitted after he’d taken an overdose. He’d spat at me and assaulted a nurse while on the medical ward.

HEALTH

medical myths—busted!

Teething Can Cause A Fever In Babies

Where did the myth come from?

This is a myth so prevalent that even many doctors will tell you it’s true.

In fact, teething isn’t associated with fever at all—fever is typically the result of an infection, and in normal teething there’s no infection.

What’s the truth?

In a study that looked at whether teething caused fever, researchers asked parents to monitor the 56

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So, there’s nothing to worry about?

A fever in a small child should be a cause of concern and requires medical attention. While it’s often the result of a simple infection, it can be an indicator of something more serious. Either way, the child should be seen by a doctor as soon as possible to assess what the underlying cause is. Don’t falsely put it down to teething and assume it will pass.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/HEALTH

Illustration By DAVID HUMP HRI ES

symptoms their teething child had.

For the days leading up to, during and after a tooth erupted, parents did report an increase in symptoms such as irritability, excessive salivation, sore gums, lack of appetite, facial rash and disturbed sleep. However, there was no increase in the incidence of fevers. Subsequent studies have supported this, meaning there’s no medical evidence that teething causes a fever. Interestingly, about a third of parents reported no symptoms in their teething child at all.

Have you seen our invisible hearing aid yet?

No? Not at all?

Exactly.

Our fantastic invisible hearing aid is small. Really small.

And, because it fits slightly deeper in the ear canal than your average hearing aid, it’s virtually invisible when worn.

That means you get all the benefits of hearing better without anyone understanding how you do it.

Whilst it can’t be seen the difference can be heard.

Just because this hearing aid is small doesn’t mean it’s less effective. We’ve made sure this tiny device has the high speed processors and clarity enhancing features of the very latest hearing aids. These are the things that make sure you get to enjoy all the great things life has to offer like conversations with friends and family, an evening out in your favourite restaurant or a cosy night in front of the TV. And you can enjoy all this with the confidence that whilst people might notice the difference in your hearing they definitely won’t notice your hearing aid.

If you like what you (don’t) see, call 0345 203 7662 and book a free appointment in store to find out more about this amazing little hearing aid.

“I hear normally, it’s as if I don’t have a loss and, because you can’t see them, no one else knows I do!”

Free hearing check To book your hearing check simply call

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Terms: Only one hearing check per year. Free hearing check for over 18s only. Subject to availability and eligibility. By appointment only.

Call 0345 203 7662 (local rate, calls may be recorded for training purposes) between 8.30am and 8.00pm (Mon-Thurs), 8.30am and 6.00pm (Fri), 8.30am and 5.30pm (Sat) and 10.00am and 4.30pm (Sun).

For more information please visit Bootshearingcare.com

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INSPIRE

Word Story

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Competition

Winners At last, it’s the answer to the question everyone wants to know: who took the prizes in our annual short-story competition?

Congratulations to everyone who took part in this year’s contest! We had thousands of entries and, once again, we were thrilled by the quality of your stories. You left us with one problem: how do we pick the winners? Turn the page to read our final choices…

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The Judges Said: This story is full of unspoken, suppressed emotion. It crackles with underlying tension and never overplays its hand. A hugely impressive piece of writing.

Joan SAID: My story was inspired by a painting by a Victorian artist L C Henley, which depicts a young woman reading by the fireside and idealises Victorian domestic life. I wanted to twist the title and approach it from a modern, chilling perspective.

SPECIAL COMMENDATIONs Rachel Robb

Rachel, 49, from Stafford, wins £75

The Vase For Margaret’s birthday, Jo bought her a vase.

Margaret disliked the vase, so she gave it to Anne for Christmas.

Anne had too many ornaments, so she sent it to a charity shop.

Penny bought it from the charity shop and gave it to Rachel.

It didn’t match Rachel’s decor, so she donated it to the school raffle.

Alex won it in the school raffle and gave it to his mum.

Alex’s mum needed money, so she put it on eBay. Jo saw it on eBay and bought it for Margaret—to go with the one she’d already given her.

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ADULT CATEGORY winner J CARMEN SMITH

Joan, 75, from Wigan, win s the first prize of £500

A Quiet Half Hour

A quiet half-hour was all she needed.

Settling in her favourite cha ir, she closed her eyes and let the silence wash over her. No sounds to disturb her thoughts, no banging doors, no rais ed voices— just peace, perfect peace.

The peace she had craved for month s but never expected to experience aga in. It couldn’t last, of course. Reality wo uld come crashing in and her life wo uld change forever. But she still had this half-hour.

She felt the tenseness leav e her body.

Only twenty-five minutes left now. And then she would telephone the police and tell them what she had done.

Mary Vear

Mary, 77, from Essex, wins £75

the rainbow A small boy and his father saw the rain merge with sunshine and a beautiful rainbow arc across the sky. Later, the boy ran into his garden but returned, calling excitedly, “Come quick. I found the end of the rainbow!”

Beside the shed was a large puddle.

On its surface swirled an array of glowing colours. The innocent child did not realise it was due to petrol leaked from the lawn mower on the path the day before.

The father smiled down at his son and said, “We are so lucky.

Not everyone has a rainbow land in their garden.”

all PhotoGRAP Hs BY Chris George

A D U LT C AT E G O R Y

s chool s 1 2 – 1 8 C A T E G O R Y

The Judges said: If economy of language is the key to great writing, then this scores top marks.

It conveys so much without wasting a single word.

Hope said: I’m fascinated by the idea of being in a coma and the life-changing effect on a person and their family. I’ve read a number of novels featuring characters in short comas—for example, Split Second by Sophie McKenzie.

So I thought it would be interesting to explore the idea of someone waking up from a much-longer coma.

SPECIAL COMMENDATIONs joel ridley Joel, 18, from Liverpool College, wins £50

behind the smile There he stood: barely a man; equipped with a smile. Always ready to help. Always ready to listen. He so rarely complained.

His mother beamed with affection on a regular basis. She was full of pride; full of love.

But still he stood; a perfectly practiced facade on show to hide his demons. “How are you always so happy?” he was always asked.

He never knew how to answer it.

To be honest, he didn’t know. He stood bravely with his smile that had seen so much. The stool slowly slipped away; with a mournful twang, the rope went taut.

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SCHOOLS 12–18 winner Hope Smedley

Hope, 12, from Bancrofts School in Essex, wins the first prize of £250 of high-street vouchers and £250 for her school

Coma

She woke up, staring at the ceiling, but she really should have been looking at herself. It took her a moment to realise where she was. She was in hospital. A nurse ran into the room, happy to see the woman, but when she saw her puzzled expression the smile fell from her face. The woman was confused and was about to ask the nurse where her parents and sister were. Surely they would be there with her? That second she saw her reflection in the window and did not know what had happened. She was no longer a child.

Julia Jones

Julia, 16, from Bancrofts School in Essex, wins £50

aware We are both aware of it. It is on our minds but we cannot acknowledge it. We are uncomfortable, as though tusks are digging into our backs. We avoid eye contact; afraid we’ll have to address the issue that is so blindingly obvious. The problem is present, in this room. We are motionless, afraid of what our movement might incite.

It is mammoth, its shadow cloaking our consciences. The dilemma is not diminishing, yet we continue our attempts to overlook its enormity.

But now we cannot neglect it any longer, as its grey corrugate-skinned trunk has rested on my shoulder.

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S C H O O L S U N D E R - 1 2 s C AT E G O R Y

-12s winner SCHOOLS Under Ben Bagley sex,

in Es ncrofts School eet Ben, 11, from Ba £250 of high-str of ize pr st fir e wins th ol ho 50 for his sc vouchers and £2

100-1 surged like a current

Adrenalin re ins. The odds we through my ve I believed e id ins ep de t against us, bu Divots whistled we could win it. ade a fusillade. I m in past my head ly on ith w es nc w fe it to the final fe k. Then a oo Br ’s er ch Be a stumble at sness y and weightles feeling of ecstas me. overwhelmed e home ared us down th ro d ow cr e Th sly, es cil er flicking m straight. Whips ring, de un th es ov g, ho saddles creakin line. we crossed the , no one ne it. Strangely do d ha I ew I kn Then e. m e ngratulat came over to co ain. No ag s es sn les ht ig I sensed that we . one dismounted . nk sa t ar he y M

The Judges said: It’s one thing to have a great idea for a story; it’s quite another to turn that idea into a successful tale. But this one comes together beautifully, from its dramatic, descriptive opening all the way through to the subtle twist at the end.

The judging process is always hard, but this was a unanimous winner in its category.

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Ben said: My inspiration came from regularly watching the Grand National with my family. Before we watch the race at home, we all put small bets in a pot and back a horse: my horse won last year. I’ve always wondered what would happen if a horse with no rider crossed the line first, and I thought it would make a change to explore it from the animal’s viewpoint.

SPECIAL COMMENDATIONs Dylan Leonard

Dylan, 11, from Wellington Prep School in Somerset, wins £50

pit of serpents The menacing eyes stared unblinkingly as they writhed and squirmed. A kaleidoscope of colours—reds, yellows, greens, blues, oranges­—a regular patchwork, covering the wooden floor beneath the repulsive reptiles.

Their forked tongues flickered like flames. The only escape were the ladders, reaching up out of the inferno, away from the tortuous chamber.

They stretched rung by rung, tempting me to climb them, my only chance...

I was on a knife edge—would I rise or would I fall? It all rested on a single throw of the dice. Who would be victorious and reach the one hundredth square first?​

Benedict Harrison Hughes, 11 Benedict, 11, from Bancrofts School in Essex, wins £50

my brothers and i My brothers and I sleep like a wolf pack, all piled in a great heap. Some people may think that is strange, aggressive or even wild, and it is.

But it means we are loyal, always there for each other, always ready to protect one another. Sometimes I am on the outside, sometimes another brother is, but we always keep the youngest, the most vulnerable to danger or fear, in the middle. We sleep together, warding monsters that might creep out from under the bed, or climb in through our window away.

We love each other.

We stay together.

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INSPIRE

Best of British

Libraries These beautiful havens for book lovers prove that, despite cutbacks and closures, they’re still a muchtreasured institution By l au r a d e an- os go o d

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Chetham’s Library Manchester

Founded in 1653 and steeped in literary history, Chetham’s is known as the oldest public library in the Englishspeaking world. Its Medieval building and magnificent 17th-century interior —deemed magical enough to feature in the Harry Potter films—is home to over 100,000 books, 60,00 of which were published before 1851.

When the library was first conceived, the north of England wasn’t equipped for independent study, and the founder Humphrey Chetham set out to acquire a range of books that would teach and inspire “the sons of honest, industrious and painful parents”, and rival the colleges of Oxford and Cambridge.

And over the centuries, Chetham’s Library has done just that, attracting a great number of scholars, writers and philosophers—including Karl Marx, who began writing The Communist Manifesto alongside Friedrich Engels within these very walls.

■ Visit chethams.org.uk for details

Norfolk & Norwich Millennium Library Norwich

Having suffered the loss of their library through fire in 1994, Norfolk County Council created a bigger and better public space in its place. The Forum, a vast glass-fronted building, is home to the new Norfolk & Norwich’ Millennium Library (NML), which since its opening in 2001 has gone on to 68

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© previous image: Sarah Franklin Photography/Stockimo/Alamy

R e a d e r ’ s Di g e s t

become the most visited library in the country, seven years running.

Set over three floors and with an incredible amount of natural light, it billed itself as “Britain’s most advanced library” when it opened and currently offers a number of services to its 2.5 million visitors every year.

One of the NML’s big attractions is its Heritage Centre, which houses over 60,000 items relating to life in Norfolk,

with 8,000 of them having been painstakingly restored after the fire.

As well as the tens of thousands of books in the library, the NML also holds regular events with the aim of engaging the local community, including board-games afternoons and expert-advice sessions—a winning formula for a library that continues to buck the trend for declining use.

■ Visit norfolk.gov.uk for details

© PHOTO COURTESY OF Norfolk & Norwich Millennium Library

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St Bride Foundation Library London

Located just minutes from London’s famous Fleet Street, the St Bride Foundation was created in 1891 as a creative hub and essential resource for the print industry, which was growing exponentially at the time. It includes a theatre, bar and exhibition space, while the library of print, media, communications and design is said to be the largest of its kind in the world, holding over 50,000 print items relating to all aspects of printing, typography and graphic design.

Although the library is currently undergoing essential refurbishment, it still remains very active, continuing to hold regular exhibitions, workshops and talks.

Gladstone’s Library Flintshire

“Sleep is good…and books are better,” wrote the novelist George R R Martin.

But at Flintshire’s grand 19th-century residential library, visitors can combine the two and check into one of the 26 rooms to spread their reading or research over several days.

With over 250,000 printed items on the open shelves, Gladstone’s is considered one of the most important research libraries in Wales. It’s also proudly traced over 300 books that have been “inspired, started, revised or finished while the writer was at 70

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© PHOTO COURTESY OF GLADSTONE’S LIBRARY / © PHOTOS COURTESY OF ST BRIDE FOUN DATION LIBRARY

■ Visit sbf.org.uk/library for details

R e a d e r ’ s Di g e s t

The Chained Library Herford Cathedral

Hereford’s 11th-century cathedral is home to the largest “chained” library in the country, from a period that saw books secured to shelves across Europe as a security measure.

“It’s an amazing place to work,” says librarian Rosemary Firman. “As well as the only surviving library of its type, we have the largest and most detailed medieval world map.”

This is a reference to the Hereford Mappa Mundi, which dates back to 1285 and, after several moves, now sits in its rightful place at the Cathedral.

The map will be a centrepiece of their exhibition to celebrate the 800th anniversary of Magna Carta, running until the end of September.

© PHOTO COURTESY OF THE CHAINED LIBRARY

■ Visit herefordcathedral.org for details

Gladstone’s”, highlighting its importance to literary heritage.

The staff are also delighted to be working in such an historic location: “There’s no greater enjoyment than spreading knowledge and preserving the past for the future,” says library assistant Gary Butler. “Working at the library is incomparable. I never forget how lucky I am to work with such a historically significant collection, a unique community of readers and brilliant colleagues—and, of course, our wonderful cafe!”

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Innerpeffray Library Crieff

Scotland’s oldest free public library lies within the sweeping Perthshire hills—just a stone’s throw from the ruins of Innerpeffray castle—and was founded in the late 1600s by the third

Lord Madertie, who wished to make books available to ordinary people.

Today, the library also offers visitors a unique insight into the history of Scotland and the local area, and runs exhibitions and events guided by enthusiastic volunteers.

“It’s a world of wonders,” says guide Bill Gray. “Every day provides opportunities to discover how the past has shaped the present. Then there’s the delight of sharing these discoveries with awestruck visitors.”

The library also offers pre-arranged out-of-hours tours, as well as serving as a beautiful wedding venue for small parties looking for an historic setting.

■ Visit innerpeffraylibrary.co.uk for details

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© Jo Coun d

best of british

Wordsworth Library

© PHOTO COURTESY OF wordsworth li brary

Lake District

Dove Cottage, the first family home of William Wordsworth, is the site of the world’s foremost collection of literature and first-edition books relating to the works of the Romantic Poets.

“At the heart of our collection are approximately 90 per cent of Wordsworth’s original manuscripts, as well as unique material by his sister Dorothy and fellow poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge,” says Jeff Cowton, curator at The Wordsworth Trust. “In all, there are some 64,000 manuscripts, books and works of art that tell the story of a movement that shaped the way we see the world today.”

As well as visiting the library, guests

R e a d e r ’ s Di g e s t

can take a guided tour of the house, wander “beside the lake and beneath the trees”, enjoy an exhibition or attend a talk (below).

■ Visit wordsworth.org.uk for details Is there a library you enjoy browsing in?

Let us know by emailing readersletters@ readersdigest.co.uk

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INSPIRE

AA is still the giant among alcohol recovery programmes. But, turned off by its outmoded methods, many women are seeking alternatives.

We hear some of their stories

Sobering

Up

By Gabrielle Glas er

photographs by levi brown Addi ti onal reporti ng by Alyssa Jun g

In 2008, I went through a stressful crosscountry move with my three children as my

husband started a new job. At night, I found myself sipping an uncharacteristic third glass of wine to cope with the sorrow of leaving my home of many years.

I cut back on my drinking before it became a problem, but my experience made me realise how much alcohol had become intertwined with being a woman today.

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saw it in my new neighbourhood —women who held high-pressure jobs, then downed a bottle of wine at dinner. I met mums who poured Baileys into travel mugs to swig after driving their kids to school. I saw it on TV shows: women hoisting oversized glasses of vino. On Facebook, I found groups such as “Mums Who Drink and Swear” and “Mums Who Need Wine”. I was so struck by the major— but unspoken—role played by alcohol that I spent three years researching the topic and wrote a book, Her BestKept Secret.

My observations were borne out by 2011 figures from the Centres for Disease Control that showed binge drinking—consuming four or more drinks on an occasion—was common among women in the US: one in eight women regularly binge-drinks. And as their alcohol intake has increased, so have the negative effects. More women now are getting picked up for drunk driving, and more universityaged women wind up in A&E because they’re dangerously intoxicated.

Epidemiologists say that for many women excessive drinking begins in university, as they match their behaviour to men’s, and continues as they get older. Women today have the means to drink—and the stress that can push them to overdo it. Alcohol may seem like a handy antidote to work deadlines, children’s demands and the challenges of ageing parents Add to this the fact that twice as many

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women as men are diagnosed with anxiety disorders, which they often medicate with alcohol, and it’s a combustible mix.

Biology plays a role too. The intoxicating effects of alcohol are higher for women because female bodies contain more fat (which can’t absorb alcohol, causing it to enter the bloodstream) and less water (which dilutes alcohol). Women also produce less of the enzyme dehydrogenase, which helps process alcohol. That means women get drunk faster.

In a study in the early 1980s, one in ten women said yes to the question, “Are you concerned about your drinking?” By 2002, it was one in five. In the past decade, record numbers of middle-aged women have sought treatment for alcohol abuse. Others have gone to recovery groups. For many of them, that’s been Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

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lobally, AA membership is more than 2.1 million people in around 170 countries.

But its model has been the same since the 1930s, when it was founded by two men based on their experience with problem drinking. Alcoholism, in AA’s literature, is defined as “a progressive illness that can never be cured”, and the organisation’s goal for its members is “recovery”, which means total lifelong abstinence and adherence to the 12 steps as laid out in its Big Book. In the first of AA’s 12 steps,

members must admit their powerlessness over alcohol; in the next step, they must state their belief that help rests in a “power greater than ourselves”.

AA has helped countless people, providing them with structure and community. Some women, though, have sought out newer groups that don’t consider alcohol abuse an incurable illness but rather an unhealthy behaviour that can be changed. Like AA, the groups are free and offer meetings run by peers, but they differ in key ways: people can participate online, the techniques that the groups use are based on behavioural psychology and neuroscience, and they emphasise personal responsibility.

Many women find AA’s attitudes too rigid. Telling them that they have no power over alcohol, for instance, doesn’t go down easily. Women recover more quickly from alcohol abuse when they’re able to take control of their situation, not relinquish it, says psychiatrist Mark Willenbring, a former director of treatment research at the National Institutes on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. “Assertiveness training and empowerment are healing to them,” he says.

Here are some stories of women who rejected the AA orthodoxy for a better solution to their problems.

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Reader’s Digest

onna Dierker, a neuroscientist, began drinking more in 2001 after having her first child. “If I had a bad day, alcohol was my reward after my son was in bed on Fridays or Saturdays,” she says. By the summer of 2002, that reward was a six-pack of beer followed by wine. While she tried scaling back on her own, she says, “drinking less turned out to be hard to do”.

Donna, now 51, got as far as reading AA’s 12 steps, but she was stopped by its demands. She didn’t think alcohol made her life unmanageable, she didn’t feel helpless and she didn’t want to adhere to a lifetime of abstinence. “If you told me I could never drink again, that would be the only thing I thought about,” she says.

Donna read an article about Moderation Management (MM), a secular group founded in 1993 that, like AA, offers a programme that starts with an alcohol-free period. But unlike AA, MM limits the ban to a month and doesn’t require that its members submit to a higher power. Instead, it focuses on self-monitoring so that people can live better lives (which can include moderate amounts of alcohol). Its steps consist of simple exercises such as “write down your life priorities” and “take a look at 05•2015

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sobering up

how much, how often and under what circumstances you drink”.

“MM taught me to pay attention to how each drink tasted and how I felt after it,” says the mother of two. Since 2008, she alternates one month of abstention with two months of moderate drinking (which MM defines for women as up to three drinks a day and no more than nine a week). “It works for me,” she says. “Drinking has become a treat again.”

“I like to drink,” says Jane, 54, who asked that her last name be withheld to protect her privacy. “I like the buzz.”

Losing her job in 2008 led the businesswoman to seek comfort in alcohol.

“I didn’t realise how much my identity was wrapped up in work. When I didn’t have it, I was lost,” she says. She liked to have a glass or two of wine at night to unwind, but over 18 months she switched from wine to vodka, polishing off up to a pint in a sitting.

Her turning point came when, she says, “I felt terrible all the time.” She was familiar with AA, but its religious bent and insistence on powerlessness left her cold. “I saw my drinking as a choice,” she says. She went online to research alternatives and discovered HAMS (Harm Reduction, Abstinence and Moderation Support), founded in 2007. The programme’s orientation is more pragmatic and encouraging than MM’s. HAMS “recognises recreational intoxication as a reality and seeks to reduce the harm associated with it”, 78

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according to its website, and it “doesn’t force people to change in ways that they don’t choose themselves”. Members name an objective—safer drinking, reduced drinking or quitting—and craft a plan to get there.

Participating via chat rooms, Jane abstained from alcohol for the required 30-day period. It was a challenge, she says. “I had to learn to enjoy being in my own skin again.” She read books, cooked and played her guitar.

After she reintroduced alcohol into her life, she followed the HAMS suggestions and took notes when she drank.

When she reviewed the notes the next day, she saw that she felt good after the first and second drinks but worse after the third and fourth. And although alcohol brought pleasure, Jane realised it kept her from activities that truly made

her happy: the guitar and reading. “I still have the odd night when I go over my two-drink limit,” she says, “but it’s rare. I like having access to my brain.”

F

ifte en years ago, Ashle y Phillips, 59, a women’s health educator and life coach, hit a low. She was juggling two jobs, she and her husband had decided to divorce, and she was worried about being a single parent. “I used wine as my anxiety reducer,” she says, imbibing more than a bottle a night. Ashley spent a month in rehab. She attended AA for two years as part of her outpatient treatment, but she was unsettled by its insistence that she submit her will to God. She looked for other options and read about SMART Recovery (SelfManagement And Recovery Training), which was created in 1994 by mentalhealth professionals as a science-based recovery group that “teaches increasing self-reliance”. SMART has four strategies: building and maintaining motivation; coping with urges; managing thoughts, feelings and behaviours; and living a balanced life. It urges people to use logic to examine their drinking. When an online facilitator gave her a cost-benefit analysis contrasting her drinking with her ideals, Ashley realised that her consumption didn’t make sense: “Seeing it in black-andwhite, I could make healthy choices,” she says. “Now I can deal with stress and frustration without drinking.”

Reader’s Digest

There are many other AA alternatives. Rational Recovery helps alcohol abusers recognise their “addictive voice”; SOS (Secular Organisations for Sobriety) is a network of autonomous, science-based recovery groups.

Some women are seeking pharmaceutical help. Naltrexone blocks the release of endorphins, which create the “high” of drinking. (Naltrexone isn’t the same as disulfiram, or Antabuse, which makes people vomit when they consume alcohol, but isn’t as effective because people stop taking it when they want to drink.) Researchers theorise that when alcohol no longer produces feelings of well-being, as with those who take naltrexone, she “unlearns” the habit of drinking. Since using it under a doctor’s supervision in 2009, actress Claudia Christian, 48, reports she’s never had more than two drinks in a night.

Still, the vast majority of problem drinkers—male or female—never get assistance. Of course, women who’ve achieved success with AA or other 12-step approaches should continue.

But those for whom it doesn’t work shouldn’t blame themselves for failing. When it comes to treating alcohol abuse, society needs to acknowledge what so many studies have found: one size couldn’t possibly fit all. “We have many tools now to help,” says Scott Stern, a New York psychotherapist who works with clients who have drinking problems. “It’s tragic more women don’t know [about them].”

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INSPIRE

Entrepreneur Brent Hoberman is the co-founder of lastminute.com and made.com, and was recently awarded a CBE for his services to entrepreneurship

If I Ruled the World Brent Hoberman

I’d change the cultural attitude towards failure. I’d award a prize celebrating those who’ve had the best dream they’ve tried to make happen and who have learned the most from its failure. One of the reasons that Silicon Valley is so successful is that outrageous risk taking is encouraged. There’s a company there called Planetary Resources whose ambition is to develop the technology to mine asteroids—in the UK we don’t find many people thinking that boldly.

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illustrated by Jam es Sm ith

I’d implement a four-day working week. This would be a way to keep employment levels stable. In the next 20 years or so we’re looking at artificial intelligence being used for 50 per cent of our jobs, so one of the major challenges of our time is to find other means of employment. If people had more time to spend outside their work with friends and family, more jobs would be created within the leisure industry.

There’d be a way to simulate and visualise the long-term consequences of political doctrine.

People might then understand the implications of what a particular political manifesto actually means for them, their children and grandchildren. Seeing the effects that political proposals would have on your life might also help voter apathy.

I’d create a globally trusted data enterprise. If we felt secure giving all our personal details—what we like to eat, wear, do, play, drive—suppliers could use the information to give the best deals and service relevant to our lifestyle. That would abolish wasted advertising. We’re currently exposed to something like 1,000 advertising messages a day that we’ve trained ourselves to ignore because they have no place in our lives.

I’d encourage lateral thinking, and make rote learning in schools a thing of the past. When Martha [Lane Fox] and I set up lastminute.com we were thinking laterally; using the self-evident advantages of selling online and then cutting the standard time dimensions of bookings to lastminute decision taking.

There’d be a drone that could follow my daughter round the running track. It would film every second of her 400m races without me having to run alongside her.

Technology would make queuing a thing of the past. There are apps that show you when to come and join certain queues, but they should be available for all queuing situations and thus reduce how much time we waste. Or let’s just manage everything as efficiently as Munich airport, where I recently arrived 20 minutes before my flight and was able to walk on as easily as catching a train.

Good service would be rewarded.

Perhaps we should have a large tipping bank so that restaurants rated with the best service are rewarded each day by winning the jackpot. You’d transform a country’s service industry. The first place that I’d implement this would be France—they need cheering up because they’ve had a lot of bad things happen to them recently and it would make the country a nicer place to visit.

We’d stop worrying so much.

Stressing about what your life is going to be like in ten years isn’t very productive. Try to have a good time today. I’d like a “Carpe Diem” day where suppliers compete to offer the best deals to encourage us to get out and enjoy ourselves.

Giving things up would be easier.

I need to tackle my enthusiasm for Diet Coke.

As told to Caroline Hutton 05•2015

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entertainment

It’s a

Small World

Michael Paul Smith builds models that recreate the past, and the effect is magical

By M a r ku s Ward

As a child growing up in Sewickley, Pennsylvania, a working-class neighbourhood, Michael Paul Smith was extremely shy and spent much of his time sketching and building miniatures. He found satisfaction in working with his hands and joy in the creativity and curiosity involved.

After finishing school, he tried his hand as a wallpaper hanger, interior house painter, postman, editorial artist at a newspaper and textbook illustrator. A heart attack at the age of 33, while working as art director at an advertising agency, led him back into his true calling, and he found a job making models for an architectural firm.

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In carefully staged scenes, models (foreground) cleverly blend into reality (backgrounds)

PHotos: © Michael Paul Smith

It’s a small world

One night while staring at a group of models on his desk, he realised he could utilise his now-professional skills, model car collection, love of the past and knowledge acquired by decades of collecting and studying the 20th century, to create a town in miniature, down to the last detail.

In the mid-1990s he began designing buildings based on his memories of the 1950s. He constructed them, complete with interiors, to the same 1/24th scale as the detailed model cars he collected.

In time he had ten buildings on a table, arranged in a street scene with model cars.

“One morning the sun came shining through the window and lit up the scene,” he said.

“It was so dramatic that I took a photo. It was an ‘aha!’ moment.”

He began experimenting with lighting, including lighting building interiors for night scenes. “Around 2003 it became clear to me that something good was happening.”

He eventually named his miniature town Elgin Park. In 2012, he published a book, Elgin Park: An Ideal American Town.

The buildings are “not an exact recreation, but do capture the mood” of his childhood town, says Smith. He positions his sets in front of carefully chosen natural settings, which are “getting more difficult to find because most older buildings are torn down”. He lines up the foreground with the background horizon to create a forced perspective, then grabs his camera. The results are astonishingly realistic.

When inspiration for a project comes, “I start looking at the model cars and trucks I have,” he says. “What era will best illustrate the scene? What time of day or season? And 84

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By omitting people, Smith (above) leaves room for the viewer to enter.

Even the trailer is fully equipped

It’s a small world

most importantly, what story do I want to tell?” This process can take from an hour to several days. Every structure starts out as a series of rough sketches. If the building is too unusual, it will overwhelm the photograph, he says, so he chooses instead a prototypical style of a certain era.

He has no fancy tools and no workshop, just his kitchen table. He uses 40- or 60-watt bulbs to illuminate the models’ interiors. No expensive camera equipment, just a $150 used Canon. Surprisingly, he does no digital retouching. This simplicity is what makes his work so successful, he says. “If you can’t make it convincingly, then don’t make it at all.” He rarely takes more than an hour to shoot a scene.

His book sold well, and in recent years his work has started receiving more recognition.

For an exhibit in New York, he was asked to create a new piece. He decided to build the house he grew up in.

“Recreating your childhood home is the best form of therapy one could hope for,” he adds. “The memories, both good and bad, just start to flow without any safety valves.

The project took four months, and I felt like I had dealt with a lot of buried psychological issues by the time it was completed.”

So Smith closes a circle. Or perhaps, for those who find pieces of themselves to reflect upon in his work, he begins a new one.

Editor’s Note: Smith’s second book, Elgin Park, Visual Memories from the Early- to Mid-20th Century in 1/24th Scale, to be published this month, features work he began in 2011. A documentary, Elgin Park, screened in Short Film Festivals earlier this year.

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Forced perspective (right, below) produces astonishingly realistic optical illusions (above)

Circa 30 Metres

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/INSPIRE

travel & adventure

Positively

Tel Aviv

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Photo: ©Catherine Karnow

Turning its back on the turmoil around it, Israel’s second city has chosen to live life to the fullest

By Ra pha el Ka du shi n fro m N ationa l G eogra ph ic Travel l er

Actors at the Tel Aviv Museum of Art relax while waiting to film a TV commercial

p o s i t i v e ly t e l a v i v

Hotel suggests as I head for dinner at North Abraxas restaurant on my first evening in Tel Aviv.

For a split second I consider changing plans. But the receptionist makes the suggestion with a shrug that I’ll come to know as a classic Tel Avivian gesture, a worldly acceptance of the worst and hope for the best. It’s a gesture you learn to perfect in this city that sits perilously close to the Gaza Strip, and that was rocked by Palestinian rockets as recently as last July.

Any personal doubts are calmed the moment I step into the restaurant. No one is bursting into flames as I seat myself at the bar. The vibe instead is pure exuberance—the warm flipside of the Tel Aviv shrug—as the young cooks prepare dishes, tossing peppers high into the air in the open kitchen.

Around me, telegenic servers dance to the buoyant beat of Arabic-meets-

Latino-meets-Bollywood house music as they whisk dishes to diners.

Then the real party begins. My server passes out whisky shots to everyone around the bar and lights a sprig of dried sage on the counter. “L’chaim!— To Life!” everyone shouts together, downing the shots as the flames of sizzling sage shoot into the air.

Tel Aviv may be a city in the line of fire, but it defies every threat by

throwing a non-stop party.

In some ways this is exactly what I had expected. When my family moved from a sleepy American suburb to Tel Aviv when I was seven, everything suddenly felt alive: the golden stones of ancient buildings that seemed to ignite at dusk; the children at my Israeli school, driven by a kinetic kind of energy; the pillowy pita pockets of falafel, stuffed so full that they split open, dripping silky tahini sauce.

The day we moved back to the US, when I was nine, I was inconsolable.

It was my sister who gave me the nudge to return. “You need to track down that falafel,” she’d said, as invested as I was in that emblem of our childhood.

When I land in Tel Aviv, a warm September sun is bouncing off the whitewashed buildings and a briny perfume is blowing off the Mediterranean Sea. All of the city’s 405,000 The vibe around the bar at North Abraxas restaurant is pure exuberance

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Photo: © Catherine Ka rnow

“Just don’t let them set you on fire,” a receptionist at the Brown TLV

Photos: © siva n askayo (left) © Cath erin e Karnow (RIGHT )

Elemento store in Jaffa (left) and a restored 1933 Bauhaus building (right). Many Bauhaus buildings in the city were designed by architects who fled Nazi Germany

residents seem to be camped in Tel Aviv’s sprawl of open-air cafes.

“Maybe an hour away bombs are falling,” local writer Dalit Nemirovsky tells me over brunch at Rothschild 12, one of the cafes on Rothschild Boulevard. “We don’t forget the problems, but we still go to the beach. You have to live fully, in this moment, when you’re not sure there will be a next one.”

If Jerusalem is the heirloom, a covenant with the past, Tel Aviv is the openminded experiment, the creative city that looks to the future.

“Now more than ever, Tel Aviv is drawing young people eager for a sense of freedom,” Nemirovsky notes.

“Many new Israelis, from North Africa and eastern Europe, are joining them, helping shape a vibrant new place.”

The proof is in front of us. Only a few years ago the city’s more than 3,000 Bauhaus buildings—many designed by architects who fled Nazi Germany in the 1930s—were pockmarked by corrosive sea breezes. A conservation drive helped them earn a Unesco World Heritage designation, underscoring their importance as models of modernity. As I walk down Rothschild Boulevard, I see bowed contours and boomerang-shaped balconies, suggesting a kind of forward momentum.

Waving goodbye to Nemirovsky, I take a ten-minute walk to the open-air Carmel Market. Piled high around me is an abundance of produce—halved melons that could double as rowboats, aubergines stacked next to ripe, rosecoloured pomegranates. “You won’t 05•2015

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Rothschild 12 Cafe, one of the many cafes fringing Rothschild Boulevard

find anything better,” a vendor shouts after me.

I’d agree, except that in this pocket of Tel Aviv sandwiched between the city centre and the Mediterranean, you can always find something better. In a ceramics gallery in the leafy neighbourhood of Neve Tzedek, pastel-coloured clay bowls perch on shelves. Around the corner, a jeweller displays austerely elegant silver necklaces. I’d heard that this artisanal current was spreading, so I head half a mile south to Noga.

The gallery spaces are cheaper here, 92

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the industrial-meets-Ottoman facades scrappier.

“We’re like a village in a big city,” Yaron Mendelovici tells me in the doorway of Gelada, his T-shirt shop and studio.

Mendelovici’s shirts feature playful takes on the notion of patriotism, a running theme in Tel Aviv art. I’m most surprised by a T-shirt silk-screened with an open-taloned hawk representing Iran, Israel’s enemy.

“It’s a bit sarcastic and doublesided,” Mendelovici says.

That creative ambition isn’t limited to studios. The Tel Aviv Museum of Art offers a fluid overview of lsraeli works. “We Tel Avivians want to live in a secular, international world,” assistant curator Anat DanonSivan observes as we move from the Romantic orientalism of older works to much grittier contemporary art. “But we can’t forget why we’re here—and all the layers of conflict.”

I find myself drawn to photographer Adi Nes’s image of an Israeli soldier curled up asleep like a Botticelli angel, his face lit by a pearly light. Behind him an open window reveals a blurred landscape that appears alternately glowing and explosive.

A similar ambiguity resonates that night at a performance in Neve Tzedek at the Suzanne Dellal Centre. Six dancers representing different countries— Israel to Brazil—perform their nation’s

photo: © sivan askayo

Reader’s Digest

folk dance to its national anthem.

Titled “The Diplomats”, this piece slowly fractures as the dances merge and the anthems dissolve into an atonal muddle. The notion of nationhood is reduced to a mocking riff.

“Have you found the falafel?”

my sister asks when we talk by phone.

I concede that I haven’t yet. Her question yanks me back to Tel Aviv’s real achievement: the art of living supremely well, exemplified by its flourishing food scene.

“I grew up with my mum’s Moroccan cooking,” Meir Adoni, whose restaurant Mizlala is a star of Tel Aviv’s bubbling culinary scene, tells me. “I like to mix things: Jewish, Moroccan,

Palestinian, street food, high cuisine.”

The good things at Mizlala just keep streaming out of the kitchen. Over the course of four meals I plow through velvety calf brain stuffed into a large croissant, risotto tossed with tomato butter and scallops, and a non-kosher plate of pork confit on waffles.

“My mother was a little annoyed when I started serving pork,” Adoni admits, “and I felt like a bad Jew.” In Tel Aviv almost nothing is sacred and everyone is a bit subversive.

I set out to find that falafel and hail a cab. I’m looking for HaKosem, a falafel chain people had recommended. When we finally find it, just north of Neve Tzedek, I treat my cab driver to the signature dish. The pita is feathery,

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the chickpea balls give way with the slightest crunch, and the tahini drips everywhere, just as I remembered.

“For this,” the cabbie says, “I drive you back for free.”

Tel Aviv comes into its own at dusk, when everyone heads to Rothschild Boulevard. A man with dreadlocks tied into a topknot drifts by; a woman in a turban is walking four border collies. At the Cafe Europa, crowds are downing boozy designer cocktails.

Two blocks away, Shpagat Bar patrons are listening to a henna-haired woman sing bluesy ballads.

“I was in Paris recently and was shocked to see the streets empty at midnight,” Adoni tells me when I stop for a late snack at Mizlala. “In Tel Aviv everyone is up until 5am. Then they 94

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eat breakfast and start all over again.”

Adoni’s voice trails me the next morning as I explore Jaffa, the ancient, historically Arab seaside neighbourhood just south of Neve Tzedek. “The day we come together and fully share our cultures, Tel Aviv will be the best place on Earth,” he had said. “Right now, Jaffa embodies that hope.”

Older than Tel Aviv by a few millennia and predominantly Arab until 1948, when it was gradually annexed to the city, the port has seen young, arty Israelis attracted to its time-burnished stone buildings move next door to long-time Jaffa residents.

Qais Tibi, an Arab-Israeli disc jockey in Jaffa, says that some Arab families have been displaced by escalating rents. “But the mix is organic, spawned by creative types who want to learn from one another, enjoy each other’s company and be inspired by different ethnicities instead of being afraid.”

photo: © Huber/Sim e/eStock

The Tel Aviv skyline, as viewed from the Arab seaside neighbourhood of Jaffa

Reader’s Digest

This fledgling union is visible all over Jaffa. In the sprawling Arabic restaurant Old Man and the Sea, extended families—Arab, Jewish, foreign—sit at communal tables. Veiled Arab matrons pass Jewish girls in summer dresses on streets shaded by palm trees, and in Jaffa’s flea market vendors hawk Jewish yarmulkes, Arab caftans, Gothic crucifixes and oriental carpets.

“You have a donkey at home?” one inquires as I stop to look at a saddlebag. He asks the question with such blithe conviction that for a minute I have to think.

On my last afternoon in town

I head to Banana Beach, north of Jaffa.

Families are flying colourful kites; boys play paddle ball. Suddenly, as the sun starts to sink, a voice booms out over a loudspeaker: “Lifeguards no longer are on duty. You must come out of the water now.”

For a brief moment everyone seems to freeze. Then, after a collective Tel Avivian shrug, they spring back to life. Bobbing defiantly in the sea, indifferent to any danger, the swimmers refuse to relinquish even a single precious moment.

National Geographic Traveller (October 2013), Copyright © 2013 by the National Geographic Society, travel.nationalgeographic.com

Travel Tips The best way to get to know Tel Aviv is to focus on the small places.

Dining: The Levinsky neighbourhood, in southern Tel Aviv, draws diners to its delis, cafes and wine bars. HaHalutzim Shalosh offers “postmodern Jewish cooking”, including a distinctly non-kosher dish of challah bread heaped with pork and bacon. Caffe Kaymak has a vegetarian menu, aniseflavoured Arak cocktails and live music on Saturday nights.

Lodging: Among the city’s fresh crop of smaller and sometimes cheaper boutique hotels: Brown TLV Hotel (browntlv.com), within easy walking distance of Neve Tzedek and Rothschild Boulevard, features rooms decorated in retro 1970s style. From £165. Diaghilev hotel (diaghilev.co.il) is a renovated Bauhaus beauty with 54 airy suites. From £115.

Shopping: Made in TLV, in the renovated HaTachana railway station (hatachana.co.il) stocks playful souvenirs such as metal silhouettes of Tel Aviv street musicians. Olia (olia.co.il), which has two branches in Tel Aviv, made its name selling olive oil from local farms.

Getting to Tel Aviv: There are direct flights to Tel Aviv from most major European cities.

More information: Go to visit-tel-aviv.com

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travel & adventure Wendy (inse t) explored the country including Li ’s finest site ndisfarne an s d Hadrian’s Wall (below )

By C ath e r i n e Co l e

My Great Escape: Going On Tour

Catherine has danced in Rio, been microlighting in South Africa and hiked the mountains of Oman Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we include it on this page we’ll pay you £50. Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us 96

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Having never camped before, it was with some trepidation that I set off in my new Mazda Bongo on a tour of Britain. I’d always dreamed of escaping the rat race and visiting some of this country’s iconic places, so I took early retirement and resolved to make my dream come true.

Canterbury was my first port of call, and I arrived to such a kind welcome at a campsite on the outskirts of the city that it put me at ease. The next morning I visited the cathedral, and spent the rest of the day learning about the city.

After that, there was no stopping me: at Dover I walked the White Cliffs and explored the castle; in Stratford-upon-Avon I enjoyed a Shakespearian experience; and in York I visited the Jorvik museum before circling the city on the old walls. Then it was onto Durham, with its riverside cathedral and castle.

And everywhere I went, I made use of a year’s membership to the National Trust and English Heritage.

Lindisfarne, a tidal island off the coast of Northumberland, was a highlight. The weather was glorious, and I spent an entire day wandering the length and breadth of the isle. Then in the evening, I picked my way across the muddy, stony

p hotos courtesy of wendy stic kley

Wendy Stickley from the New Forest set off on an adventure around the country in her camper van

channel to the tiny St Cuthbert’s Island. Before me lay vast sandbanks covered with basking seals.

Next on my list was Hadrian’s Wall, where I visited Roman forts and walked along a wild stretch surrounded by butterfly-covered flowers. Then in the Lake District I enjoyed boat trips and visited the home of William Wordsworth.

After eight weeks and 2,500 miles, I arrived home. I’d enjoyed perfect weather, met up with friends, seen wonderful sights and learned a little about my country—at least, enough to know that there was still much more to discover.

■ a road to somewhere For details of UK campsites, visit campingandcaravanningclub.co.uk or call 0845 130 7633. Visit englishheritage.org.uk and nationaltrust.org. uk for details of membership.

postcard from…

Las Vegas

T

here’s never a bad time to visit Las Vegas. America’s Sin City is on call all year round for sun and pleasure seekers—but if you want some of its lively Nevada warmth before it turns scorching hot, this is a good time to visit. There’s enough to keep you on Vegas’ neon-flashing Strip for a few days as you see shows, visit world-class restaurants and try your luck at the casinos, but venture outside the city and you’ll find natural wonders—such as Red Rock Canyon and, of course, the yawning Grand Canyon—just waiting to be explored.

■ SAMPLING SIN CITY Virgin Holidays offers four nights in Las Vegas, including direct flights from London Gatwick and room-only accommodation at the 4V+ SLS Las Vegas Hotel & Casino from £969pp, based on two adults travelling and sharing a World Superior King room.

(0844 557 3859; virginholidays.co.uk).

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t r av e l & a d v e n t u r e

Things To Do This Month Short/long haul: sun and sand

■ Do: White Nights. The sun never really sets in St Petersburg as it moves into summer, and the White Nights festival runs throughout with an array of ballet, opera and music performances to celebrate the midnight sun (eng.ispb.info).

■ Stay: Renaissance St Petersburg.

This classic hotel is right next to the Hermitage Museum and buzzy street Nevsky Prospekt, and boasts some grand interiors and a rooftop terrace. Rooms start from around £54 a night (+7 812 380 4000; marriott.co.uk).

■ See: The Hermitage. This colossal art museum is home to a number of masterpieces from da Vinci, Rembrandt and Picasso, housed within equally impressive buildings (+7 812 571 3465; hermitage museum.org).

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Long: Hiking Wadi Rum Enjoy an otherworldly hiking experience through the dusty red desert of Wadi Rum. Exodus offers an eight-day trek to Jordan from £1,199pp with flights, accommodation, meals and transfers (0845 287 2316; exodus.co.uk).

Travel app of the month Am I Going Down? 79p, iOS. If you suffer from aviophobia, new app Am I Going Down? might put you at ease. Tap in your flight details and it’ll calculate the likelihood of a crash using flight statistics—put it this way, you’ve got more chance of winning the lottery (vanillapixel.com).

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TRAVEL-ADVENTURE

© shutterstock/Kekyalyaynen

St Petersburg, Russia, in two minutes

Short: Cycling the Inner Hebrides Head to the islands of Islay, Jura and Arran—you’ll find terrain ideal for first timers as well as handsome views. Wilderness Scotland offers a five-night trip from £1,195pp including accommodation, some meals and ride support (01479 420 020; wildernessscotland.com).

A Victorian Naturalist’s Odyssey The Life and Times of Professor John Henry Salter DSc (London) 1862 - 1942

Dr. Gilbert Clark www.xlibris.com Hardback | Paperback | E-book £37.99 | £27.99 | £2.99

This book tells the remarkable story of Professor John Salter, a conservationist who changed the face of natural history through his invaluable contribution in the scientific community bringing the Red Kite back from the brink of extinction in Wales.

Touch Not the Horse Anthony Gavali

www.authorhouse.co.uk Hardback | Paperback | E-book | Audio Book £29.99 | £18.95 | £1.99 | £3.99

A complex modern-day tale of success at all costs, transports readers through a dark history, where the fight to control the world’s resources has burned for centuries. Two bloodlines seek to hold the balance of power, with only one outcome.

La Petite Mort

How Safe Is Our Investment

The Little Death

Rethinking a Pathway for a Dynamic Economic Environment

J. M. Roberts www.authorhouse.co.uk Paperback | E-book £9.95 | £2.55

La Petite Mort follows June, who, after fi nishing college, starts her first job. She meets an older man; receiving her experience of the little death. June attended a small church and is now challenged by god-driven sexual desires.

A Holiday Affair J. M. Roberts www.authorhouse.co.uk E-book | £2.99

June, an amateur sexologist, succeeds in rescuing marriage which is about to fail. June continues searching for a great lover. Meeting a married man, she informs him how to give his wife a sexual orgasm and be a super lover.

Paul Okoye www.authorhouse.co.uk Hardback | Paperback | E-book £17.99 | £9.95 | £2.99

The interplay of self-interest with economics has severely impacted the state of investment globally; world debt has significantly increased.

Is it reversible? How Safe Is Our Investment probes the multiplicities of this issue from an economic, political, social and legal standpoint.

Female Predator June An Amateur Sexologist

J. M. Roberts www.authorhouse.co.uk E-book | £2.99

In her search for Mr. Right, June crosses paths with a married man with a sensitive predicament: he cannot give his wife orgasms.

She takes it upon herself to teach him about pleasure but where will this take her?

REMARKABLE BOOKS TO ENJOY AGAIN AND AGAIN. ORDER YOURS TODAY! Author Solutions_Resized.indd 1

17/03/2015 11:43

ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

Get expert advice on a great mortgage deal GETTING A MORTGAGE can be a complicated task, especially following the changes resulting from the mortgage market review. That’s why we’ve chosen to launch the Reader’s Digest Mortgage Service, provided by L&C mortgages.

You can now get fee-free, independent mortgage advice from across the market, giving you the help and guidance you need to ensure you get the best deal for your circumstances.

fees whilst getting you the best deal on your mortgage.

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CONSIDERING MOVING HOME?

If you’re looking to move the expert mortgage advisers at L&C can provide you with invaluable help and guidance every step of the way. From calculating how much you could borrow and suggesting the best kind of deal for your circumstances, to helping you apply for your mortgage, L&C’s award-winning service is completely fee free. They can

25/03/2015 14:49

MONEY mortgage and keep the payments the same, saving you interest in the long run.

A remortgage could also give you access to funds to help improve your home, so whether you’re considering a new bathroom or an extension now could be a good time to take advantage of the low rates available.

WHAT ABOUT BUYING TO LET?

If you’re thinking of buying or already own a buy-to-let property, there are plenty of excellent deals available for landlords. With the upcoming pension changes and lower savings rates many people are looking at buying-to-let as an alternative to investment and our advisers can help find the best mortgage to fit in with your plans.

also help with the various schemes available such as Help to Buy, ALREADY HAVE A MORTGAGE? IS NOW TIME TO CONSIDER REMORTGAGING?

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Your home or property may be repossessed if you do not keep up repayments on your mortgage.

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25/03/2015 14:49

MONEY

Cash In Your Pocket What would you do if you suddenly found yourself with some extra money?

By n ic k h i l l

Nick Hill is a money expert at the Money Advice Service.

Visit money adviceservice. org.uk for details

If you had an unexpected windfall, it’s easy to think you’d treat yourself to something special. Of course there’s no reason why you shouldn’t do that with part of it—just make sure you shop around for the best price on whatever it is you choose.

But there are some practical uses that could make the money go even further. Here are our top four ways to make the most from surplus cash:

Pay off your debts If you owe any money, chances are the interest you pay is higher than any you could make by putting the money into savings. Prioritise debts such as overdue mortgage, rent or council tax, because not paying these could result in you losing your home.

If you don’t have any of these, start with the debts with the highest interest rates. For example, £500 on a credit card that charges 19% APR would add £95 to your bill, so paying that off saves you the same amount.

Pay into your personal pension If you haven’t yet retired or accessed your pension pot, putting in an extra £500 would actually be worth £650 in the scheme. That’s thanks to 20% tax relief. If you pay a higher rate of tax, then the extra tax relief (worth £205) would need to be claimed through PAYE or a personal tax return.

There’s currently a maximum of £40,000 you can pay into 102 |

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your pension each year to get tax relief. Once you start accessing the money, your annual limit may drop down to £10,000 a year. But those who started taking income from their pension pot before April 6 will still have the yearly £40,000 limit.

I llustration by DORI ANO strologo

Overpay your mortgage First check to see if your lender charges penalties for overpaying. Many mortgages will let you pay in 10% of the mortgage as an overpayment each year with a fee. If you can pay an extra £500, it could be worth two or three times that over the term of the mortgage.

Put it into savings Whether it’s to make a little interest or to protect yourself against unexpected costs, putting some money in an easy access savings account is a good idea.

If something were to happen, an emergency fund gives you a little breathing space to cover the costs. A general rule of thumb is to have three months income after tax available to you.

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money

Seven Reasons To Switch Your Bank What was once a tricky task is now really easy and takes just seven days—and here are some reasons you might want to make the change.

Earn higher interest

Interest rates for savings accounts and ISAs are generally low, yet you can earn up to 5% in some current accounts.

2

Receive a switching bonus

Some banks offer £100 or more just for switching to them. If there’s no reason for you to stay with your current bank, it’s worth considering.

3

Get cashback

When you pay for a qualifying product or bill, some banks will pay a percentage of the cost back into your accounts.

4

Find an overdraft

You might find an account with an interest-free overdraft, or much lower fees for using one.

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5

Avoid fees

If you find yourself paying charges regularly, be it overdraft or overseas fees, shop around for a bank that either doesn’t charge or at least charges less.

6

Save on insurance

Packaged accounts offer extras such as travel insurance and breakdown cover in exchange for a monthly fee. You might find, however, that it’s cheaper to buy these things separately, or as and when you need them.

7

Find a branch near you

Around 500 bank branches are expected to close this year. If you’re not keen on online banking and your local branch is shut down, switching to another bank can be a huge help.

© shutterstock/S entavio

1

Giving Up Can Make You Money If you’ve got a vice, you’ll know you should cut back a little. But that’s easier said than done. So perhaps money can be your motivation?

Here’s what you could save.

Rea d e r ’ s D i g e s t

week, that’s £4.20. After a year of saying no to cocoa, you’d be £218.40 better off. That’s roughly the same amount as the average spend at the supermarket in a whole month.

You might not want to go cold turkey, but even cutting back by half can have a big impact on your finances. Forecast your savings with the MAS Cut-Back Calculator at moneyadvice service.org.uk

© shutterstock/Margaret M Stewart

Cigarettes

The Office of National Statistics found British smokers consume an average of 12 cigarettes a day. With a pack of 20 costing £8 on average, quitting for a week adds up to £33.60.

Over a year that’s £1,747.

Worried about a lack of savings?

Money Advice Service research found 71% of us faced high unexpected costs each year. Average amounts included £1,341 for car repairs and £248 for vet bills. So quitting would go a long way to funding your emergency savings.

Chocolate

Dairy Milk is the biggest selling chocolate bar in the UK. A quick look online shows a standard 45g bar sells for 60p in most supermarkets. If you have one of these or similar seven days a 05•2015

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ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

A Will Is Not Enough Preparing for the future involves far more than just writing a Will…

LEGAL THE RIGHT ADVICE could help you protect what you’ve worked hard for, allowing you to pass as much as possible of your hard-earned wealth to your loved ones, in the fullness of time.

There are a number of threats to your wealth in later life, and only with good planning at the right time can you protect your home and savings.

LONG-TERM CARE FEES “I’ve worked hard all my life to leave something for my children, why should the Local Authority get it all?”

According to the most recent research, more than 45,000 homes are sold each year to fund care, with 1 in 10 people (or 1 in 5 couples) shouldering care costs of at least £100,000. The rules are changing this year with the introduction of The Care Act 2014, but the new rules are complex and research by independent experts and charities shows very few will benefit.

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MENTAL INCAPACITY “I’ll make plans for this when I start feeling iffy”

Impairment of the mind shouldn’t just be associated with illnesses such as Alzheimer’s, as a bang on the head or stroke, for which there is often no warning, can leave an individual unable to manage their own finances. Many people wrongly assume a spouse or children can automatically step in, but the truth is that without an Enduring or Lasting Power of Attorney in place, both solely and jointly owned accounts can be frozen. A long, complex, intrusive and expensive court process then awaits your loved ones to gain control of your affairs.

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money

How To Deal With Financial Mis-Selling By ha rv ey j ones

Harvey Jones has been a financial journalist for more than 25 years, having written for several newspapers and specialist finance titles

If you think you’ve been sold a financial product

that wasn’t right for you, or if you’ve been given financial advice that wasn’t right for your circumstances, don’t just get mad—you might well be due compensation. And if you reckon you can go it alone for relatively simple claims such as PPI or packaged bank account mis-selling, here’s how to proceed. to have a valid claim, you need to have either been sold a product that wasn’t appropriate for your personal needs, or which was misrepresented to you. You can’t complain purely because an investment performed badly, unless the risks weren’t properly explained.

Ordinary people have claimed billions in PPI compensation, which was sold alongside personal loans and credit cards. You might be able to make a claim if you were told your policy was compulsory, the small print and exclusions weren’t explained, or nobody said you could buy PPI from another company.

If you were unemployed, self-employed or retired at the time you took out the policy, again, you may have a claim.

More than ten million people signed up for packaged bank accounts. You might be free to claim compensation if you were told this was your only banking option, the perks were poorly explained, or you were too old to qualify for bundled benefits such as travel insurance. with both types of product, you may be able to claim if sales staff were overly pushy or you ended up with double cover. You might still be able to claim if you filed a successful insurance claim under your policy, provided the company did something wrong. But don’t assume you can make a claim because you’ve been sent a text or email saying you’re due a payout. This is pure spam, designed to drive business to unscrupulous claims companies.

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© Tim Elli s/Alam y

Your first step is to complain to the company itself, ideally in writing, asking for a refund. Dig out all the paperwork but don’t worry if you can’t find everything, as banks must keep their own records for six years.

If you’re unhappy with the response, or don’t hear back within eight weeks, you can take your case up with the free and independent Financial Ombudsman Service.

There’s no deadline for making claims, although your chances of success are higher if you act within six years of the policy ending, and ideally a lot sooner.

You can either complain to the Financial Ombudsman online or phone its consumer hotline on 0300 1239 123 or 0800 023 4567. The Ombudsman offers plenty of online FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/MONEY

Rea d e r ’ s D i g e s t

advice to help you decide if you can make a claim for PPI and packaged bank accounts. But you have to be patient, as it has so many claims to deal with. In particularly slow cases, it could take a one or two years before you finally get your payout.

You may still be able to claim compensation if the company has gone out of business, through the Financial Services Compensation Scheme. So don’t give up. my champion For more tricky mis-seiling claims, you might want some back-up.

My Champion is a new service that will provide specialist advice for any claim you want to make.

Visit mychampion.co.uk for details.

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ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

Is your home properly protected?

IT’S NOT A LEGAL REQUIREMENT TO INSURE YOUR HOME. However, your home is one of your most valuable assets and it is essential that it’s adequately protected.

You’ll be continually bombarded with advertisements for home insurance, which typically focus on price and saving money, however a comprehensive home insurance policy should be your priority.

Here are our top tips to consider when purchasing your next home insurance policy.

other electrical equipment is included in only 76% of policies today, compared to 94% in 2010. Damage to glass, such as windows, is included in 79% of policies, compared to 95% in 2010.

TIP: Accidental damage cover is essential – even the most careful person could accidentally knock their television when vacuuming the carpet or when grandchildren come to visit. Make sure this essential cover is included in your policy.

Accidental damage

Cover for items away from the home

It may surprise you to learn that accidental damage to televisions and

We all take items away from the home, both during the course of our daily lives

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or on holiday, including items such as jewellery, mobile phones, laptops, tablets and handbags.

TIP: A comprehensive home insurance policy will cover these items not only in the UK but also while you’re abroad on holiday. When buying home insurance always discuss this. A policy that provides overseas cover ensures you can also save money on your travel policy as you don’t need to insure these items twice.

Tracing and accessing leaks If there’s damage to your property caused by an escape of water, you may incur additional costs in removing and replacing any other part of the building while accessing the source of the leak. For example, digging up a floor or knocking down a wall to access a pipe. Many policies provide a limit to cater for this eventuality – some give no cover at all.

TIP: Make sure trace and access cover is included in your policy as standard. This is important cover which could save you a substantial amount of money should your property develop a leak.

Renovations or refurbishment If you renovate or refurbish your home there can be terms or conditions applied. A more appropriate policy may need to be sourced if the works are significant.

TIP: It’s important to notify your insurer of any type of works being carried out on your home to ensure it’s properly protected.

Reader’s Digest Insurance Services is delighted to offer a range of home insurance policies from leading insurers such as Aviva, Ageas, Axa, Allianz and Legal & General. All of our recommended policies include comprehensive levels of cover, including trace and access, and we all take our possessions away, as standard.

To discuss your home insurance and to obtain a competitive quotation, call us today on 0208 069 3102. One of our expert advisers will help provide the home insurance policy that matches your exact requirements.

Vivat Finance Limited trading as Reader’s Digest are an Introducer Appointed Representative of Higos Insurance Services Ltd trading as Reader’s Digest Insurance Services, who are authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority FRN no 302690

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30/03/2015 13:11

food & DRink

Easy-to-prepare meals and accompanying drinks

Salmon en Croûte

Rachel is a food writer and blogs at thefoodieat.org

Some of my favourite dishes are the ones that require little effort to cook, but create a big impact. This is one of them. A salmon en croûte is a real centrepiece, but is deceptively easy to make. For me, it has as much pomp and grandeur as a beef Wellington, and is a beautiful dish to serve hot or cold at a spring or summer lunch.

As for getting the perfect pastry, it’s tempting to keep peeking in the oven to try to catch it at that beautifully puffed, golden point. But the key with puff is to show your mettle: each time the oven door opens, the temperature will drop, which isn’t good news. So make sure the oven is well up to temperature before the pastry goes in—and as difficult as it might seem, ensure the door stays shut during cooking.

Serves 4 • 125g frozen spinach • 125g cream cheese • ½tsp nutmeg • ½tsp orange zest • 320g puff-pastry sheet • 500g half salmon side, skinned • 1 egg yolk To serve: buttery new potatoes and dressed salad leaves 1. Preheat the oven to 200C. 2. Defrost the frozen spinach—either 112

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by leaving it at room temperature or popping it in the microwave. Squeeze out all the water by pressing the spinach against the side of a sieve.

3. Transfer the spinach to a mixing bowl and use a fork to whisk it with the cream cheese, orange zest and grated nutmeg.

4. Now prepare the salmon. Make sure the skin has been removed and there are no pin bones left. Cut it in half, lengthways.

5. Lightly dust a non-stick surface

PhotographY by Tim & Zoë Hi ll

By Rac h e l wal k e r

with plain flour and roll out the puff-pastry sheet.

6. Place one of the salmon fillets towards an edge of the puff-pastry rectangle and then spread the spinach mixture over it. Place the other salmon half on top, like a sandwich.

7. Fold the pastry over the salmon to make a parcel.

Use your fingers to crimp together the edge of the pastry and then cut away any excess. Leftover pastry can be rolled into shapes to decorate the outside— an eye and a dorsal fin always look impressive.

8. Brush the parcel with an egg yolk to glaze. Move it onto a non-stick tray and transfer to the preheated oven to cook for 20–25 minutes, until the pastry is puffed up and golden.

9. While the salmon is cooking, boil some new potatoes and toss in butter, and prepare a green-leaf salad to serve with it.

TRY THIS… Experiment with the flavours. For example, some people might prefer lemon zest over orange zest. Also, try substituting the cream cheese for quark, sour cream or even herb-flavoured Philadelphia.

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Food & Drink

Pudding of the Month

Like many, I’ve concluded that life’s too short to make puff pastry from scratch.

There’s little need anyway, when shop-bought puff pastry is so delicious.

With a recipe like the salmon en croûte though, you’ll probably find that you have pastry left over, as the packs are usually 320g. You can freeze puff pastry, but it’s far more fun to put the leftovers to work as mini tarts. Simply roll them into rectangles or circles and start dreaming up the topping: slices or apple, chocolate spread, tomato, red onion and goats’ cheese...or gooseberries.

Serves 4 • 100g puff pastry • 2tbsp apricot jam • 150g gooseberries, washed • 4tsp brown sugar • To serve: clotted cream 1. Preheat the oven to 200C. 2. Lightly dust a non-stick surface with plain flour, roll out the puff pastry and cut into four squares or rectangles.

3. Use a knife to draw a border 114

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about 2cm in from the edge of the pastry. Don’t press too hard­—just lightly score the pastry with the tip of a paring knife.

4. If needed, heat the apricot jam to make it more spreadable and then brush over the pastry inside the border.

5. Split the gooseberries between the four squares of pastry, arrange on top of the apricot jam and sprinkle a teaspoon of sugar over each.

6. Transfer onto a non-stick tray and bake for 20 minutes until the pastry is puffed-up and golden. Serve with a dollop of clotted cream.

© p hoto: Sa rka Babi cka

Gooseberry Galettes

Acting Cordially

Reader’s Digest

Book

The sight of hedgerows

© s hutterstock/Quaysi de

erupting with blossoms fills the cook with joy. An urban park near where I live has elderflowers dotting its perimeter. As the flowers start blooming, I dash out and fill a plastic bag with enough heads to concoct a big batch of cordial.

It’s very simple to do—and there are lots of recipes online that show the alchemy that comes from 20 elderflower heads, 2kg of sugar, 2 litres of water, a packet of citric acid and a little patience. For those lacking the latter, there are lots of elderflower cordials on supermarket shelves too.

In celebration of spring, there are few better accompaniments to salmon en croûte than a jug of elderflower cordial and fizzy water, clinking with ice cubes. Except, perhaps, the addition of a sparkling wine or champagne. A shot of elderflower cordial topped-up with fizz makes a simple but sensational cocktail. For even more decadence, switch to an elderflower liqueur.

■■ Belvoir Elderflower Cordial, Sainsburys, £3/500ml ■■ Crémant du Jura Brut, The Wine Society, £12.50/750ml ■■St-Germain Elderflower Liqueur, Waitrose, £18.99/500ml FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FOOD-DRINK

The Natural Cook: Eating the Seasons from Root to Fruit

by Diana Henry, Amazon, £16.

Bargain

Citric Acid, Sous Chef, £3/100g. The very cheap, but critical ingredient for making cordials and jams.

Blow-Out

Scandinavian Midsummer Feast, June 20–21, Somerset, £200. A midsummer festival for foodies.

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home & Garden

By A L IS ON Cor k

Bring Outdoors In Alison answers your questions on creating the perfect conservatory I’m considering investing in a conservatory, but there are so many different styles and designs to choose from. How do I decide?

A conservatory should be like a natural extension of your home’s overall style, rather than a stark contrast that’ll simply look unsettling. If you have a traditional property, Victorian designs are a great option thanks to their classical appearance. Victorian conservatories tend to fall into a higher price range, but are well worth the expense if your budget allows.

Alternatively, lean-to conservatories are a great option for those on a tighter budget, and are built onto the side or end of your house. As well as the lower cost, the clean lines make this a favourite among those after modern solutions.

Gardeners’ Diary After what seemed like a long winter, summer is approaching, so get moving on those crucial jobs from lawn maintenance to planting.

■ Plant summer bedding once late frosts have cleared at the end of the month.

■ Mow your lawns weekly.

■ Prune spring flowering shrubs.

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© shutterstock/dvoevnore

Home and interiors expert Alison Cork runs luxury furniture and accessories brands alison athome.com and homeware clearance site oneregentplace. co.uk

Q A

Conserve charm If your conservatory is suffering the consequences of a bad makeover from years ago, then here are a few tips to revitalise for a new season.

Fine furnishings Wood and rattan furniture are ideal options for conservatories, thanks to their nature-inspired appearance. What’s more, they will not be affected by over-exposure to natural light. Sussex Living Chair with two Cushions (£349; whitestores.co.uk).

© Rob Cousi ns/Ala my

Q A

How do I ensure that my conservatory is properly ventilated and heated?

Regardless of which design company you go with, you should expect to be advised on the most efficient options to keep your space comfortable through those incredibly hot to freezing cold months. Underfloor heating remains a popular choice, while electric radiators are thought to be a convenient and economical alternative. When it comes to ventilation, this can be solved with windows or through automatically controlled roof vents, ceiling fans or an air-conditioning unit.

Create personality Once you have the main furnishings picked, it’s time to fill the space with lush plants and flowers, colourful cushions and gorgeous glassware for when you’re entertaining.

Pink Hyacinth Planter (£21; plants4presents.co.uk).

Natural is best Refreshing green shades, creams, whites and duck egg are ideal colour palettes to create a relaxing indooroutdoor flow. Zak and Fox Cushions Basilica Sand (£50; sofa.com).

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home & Garden

Get the Look: Classic Conservatories Welcome spring into your home with outdoor touches to create a beautiful space 1

2

1. Ornate Metal Folding Bistro Set, £129, tesco.com 2. Wicker Medium Hamper, £39, wovenhill.co.uk

4

3. Birdcage Rose Candle Holder, £20.95, melodymaison.co.uk 4. Coral Velvet Cushion, £30, berryred.co.uk

5

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5. Filigree Metal Rectangular Planter, £24.99, retreat-home.com

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/home-garden

© Main imag e: Handma de Pleated Conservatory Blin ds, thomas -sanders don.co.uk

3

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Conservatory Blinds Limited is a familyowned specialist manufacturer of the widest range of blinds, who also offer Duette blinds, English pinoleum (colourmatched to Farrow & Ball paints), and its exclusive market-leading pure™ remote control system.

■ For up to 25 per cent off the most popular fabrics, visit conservatoryblinds. co.uk/springsale or call 0800 071 8888.

LOUNGE IN STYLE THIS SEASON

Relax on this superbly comfortable Allibert four-piece garden and patio set from One Regent Place. Currently reduced from £499.99 to just £279.99 and available in graphite or brown, this stunning set is completely weatherproof thanks to the durable resin composition and rattan-style finish. The smart grey cushions and art deco–inspired lines ensure it will look fantastic in any contemporary or traditional conservatory setting.

■ To order, visit oneregentplace.co.uk or call 020 7087 2900 (Monday to Friday) before May 31.

Alison at Home Advertorial FP.indd 1

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30/03/2015 10:09

Technology

Listening In The Lap Of Luxury By olly mann

Olly is a technology expert, LBC presenter and Answer Me This! podcaster

B&O Play H8, £399

What’s the point of your blingy gold smartphone if you’ve not got blingy cans to match? These leather-trimmed beauties deliver the premium sounds you’d expect from Bang and Olufsen, replete with noise-cancelling technology and a Bluetooth connection so you can wear them wirelessly. But the bling-iest feature is being able to control your music by tapping the side—tapping, swiping or scrolling to play, pause, skip tracks and control volume. Neat.

iOS app of the month: Scanner Pro by Readdle, £2.49

This app accesses the camera on your iPad to identify the edges of any document laid flat on a table. Then, once 120 |

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a “scan” has been snapped, it converts the image to PDF for easy upload to email, Google Drive, Dropbox, Evernote, etc.

Perhaps it’s now time for the humble scanner to be consigned to the dustbin of history.

KRUPS EA 8298 One-touch Cappuccino Maker, £599

Coffee capsule machines can be convenient, but discriminating dinner guests may consider the ensuing beverages to be little more than “posh instant”. This beans-tocup affair, by contrast, freshly grinds proper coffee into smooth espresso and spouts in fabulously foamy steamed milk to create quality cappuccino—at the touch of a button.

Initial set-up is a little laborious and it takes up a fair old chunk of space on your kitchen counter. But, in the long run, you’ll save money on those trips to the barista—and it tastes superb.

Parrot MINIKIT Neo 2 HD, £69.99

The range of hands-free kits available can be bewildering, not to mention costly if you’re considering having a kit permanently installed in your car. But this mid-range “plug and play” solution from Parrot gets better with every iteration. Yes, it’s a bit plasticky-looking, but who’s looking? It clips to your visor and delivers clean, consistent conversation when you’re driving, with a strong, reliable connection to your phone, a long-lasting charge and now a vibration sensor as well—so it’ll turn on automatically when you enter the vehicle.

Android app of the month: Wunderlist, free

Male cliché I may be, but I keep a lot of lists: ingredients I want to buy in the supermarket; songs I hear on the radio that I like.

I’ve sampled many apps to help create such inventories, but this is the best: chosen users (e.g, your spouse or colleague) can share and contribute to lists; you can edit and expand bullet points to include notes and attachments; and it’s stunningly designed.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TECHNOLOGY

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Fashion & beauty

By G e or g i n a yate s

Made With Love Luxury and fair trade

Georgina is a fashion and beauty editor for numerous travel titles and a blogger at cargocollective. com/withgeorgia

is the premise behind jewellery label Mirabelle, founded by designer Veronique Henry (below). With various themed collections, Mirabelle’s jewellery is excitingly diverse. But it’s the London-based designer’s ethical approach to the profession that sets her apart. Operating as a purely fair-trade business, her designs are handmade by craftspeople in Indonesia.

“I believed in fair-trade before it was even recognised,” says

Pretty In Pink Add a splash of vitality into your wardrobe with these key hot pink pieces.

■ Look down and smile with these slip-on flats from Jigsaw (£69; jigsawonline.com).

■ This candy-pink cardigan from Marks and Spencer will brighten up jeans or a plain top (£16; marksandspencers.com).

■ Go all out with this gorgeous dress from White Stuff (£45; whitestuff.com).

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Keeping your eyes peeled

Veronique. “I’ve always worked with families rather than factories; these are people I respect and trust.”

A happy workforce is integral to Mirabelle’s business model: “I believe that it’s important for people who create jewellery to put their heart into it. If people are happy, they’ll produce amazing jewellery and the business will flow.”

Recently, Kate Middleton was spotted wearing a pair of the brand’s earrings and sales rocketed. “I’m extremely grateful for Kate Middleton for choosing to wear Mirabelle earrings. The response has been amazing! What’s even better is that those earrings were made by a family business in Indonesia. I called them to tell them and they were really happy for the orders.”

■ Take a look at Mirabelle’s collections at mirabellejewellery. co.uk

Signs of fatigue can be disguised with good posture and a strong cup of coffee, but weary eyes are hard to hide. Whether your concern is puffiness, dullness or fine lines, these common grievances can be attended to with a good eye treatment.

■ Tackle crow’s feet and invest in some firming cream such as Aveda’s Green Science Firming Eye Cream (£38; aveda.co.uk). It’s choc-full of organic remedies like Argan Oil—a centuries-old treatment used for smoothing out the skin.

■ Fake a decent night’s sleep with This Work’s No Wrinkle Tired Eyes Serum (£42; thisworks.com), which you can apply before bed and in the morning for extra longlasting effects.

■ If puffiness is your bugbear, take five minutes in the morning to sooth tired eyes with Origin’s No Puffery eye mask (£24; origins.co.uk), which calms redness and reduces bags. Apply a thin layer before moisturising to feel the effects all day long.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FASHION-BEAUTY

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books

A dazzling and devastating tale of an ex-RAF bomber, and the latest sizzling thriller from a prolific crime writer

May Fiction

By James Walton

James writes and presents the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff

A God in Ruins

by Kate Atkinson (Doubleday, £20) A God in Ruins has one of the most devastating endings in recent fiction—but, as I can’t possibly divulge it, the good news is that the rest of the book is brilliant too. The main character Teddy Todd, who appeared briefly in Atkinson’s last novel Life After Life, signs up as an RAF pilot at the start of the Second World War. By 1945, he’s understandably surprised to find himself alive. Nonetheless, he gets on with life the way he always has: by getting on with it.

Yet, if Teddy himself is something of a plodder—albeit an enormously likeable one—the book is anything but. Atkinson grippingly brings us the whole arc of his long life, serving up any number of dazzling set-pieces and intermingling past and present in a way that’s never confusing but instead feels entirely authentic. Life After Life achieved the rare feat of being both critically acclaimed and a properly huge seller; A God in Ruins now seems set to do the same—and deservedly so.

NAME THE AUTHOR

(Answer on p128) Can you guess the writer from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?

1. Her only novel, published in

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1936, is one of the biggest selling of all time.

2. Its last line is, “Tomorrow is another day.”

3. Its heroine lives in Georgia during the American Civil War.

© Ebury Publi shing

World Gone By

by Dennis Lehane (Little, Brown, £16.99) For fans of hard-boiled American crime fiction (i.e. all right-thinking people, I would suggest), not many things are as keenly awaited as the arrival of a new Dennis Lehane novel. Few writers since Raymond Chandler (The Long Goodbye, The Big Sleep) have been so good at blending a genuinely thrilling thriller with a powerful sense of disappointment at the corruption of the world—and with some great jokes.

World Gone By doesn’t let us down on any of these counts. Joe Coughlin, as featured in Lehane’s earlier novels The Given Day and Live By Night, is now about as big in the organised crime of 1940s Florida as any nonItalian can be. (You don’t have to read the other Coughlin books to enjoy this one, but I would anyway if I were you.) However, he also struggles to combine the ruthlessness he needs to survive with what remains of his conscience.

As ever, Lehane’s deadpan style is perfect for providing both comedy and chills, often at the same time.

As ever too, his mixing of Coughlin’s story with real-life characters ends up creating nothing less than an alternative American history. But never, of course, at the expense of page-turning excitement.

paperbacks ■■ The Monogram Murders by Sophie Hannah (HarperCollins, £7.99). Hercule Poirot returns

with his first new case since Agatha Christie’s death. A tricky job even for the much-respected Hannah, but beautifully done.

■■ Poems That Make Grown Men Cry edited by Anthony and Ben Holden (Simon and Schuster, £9.99). A hundred well-known

male writers, scientists and artists pick the poems that move them.

■■ Us by David Nicholls (Hodder, £7.99). Nicholls

manages to be simultaneously very funny and very touching about relationships, this time marital and parental.

■■The Woman Who Stole My Life by Marian Keyes (Penguin, £7.99). Another sharp and

witty novel from the everreliable Keyes.

■■ Dad’s War by Chris Tarrant (Virgin, £7.99). The TV

presenter uncovers the heroic wartime experiences of his late and muchloved father who fought through France after D-Day.

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BOOKS

RD’s Recommended Read

Five friends share compelling tales of their lives in rural Italy over exquisite rustic fare

Once a month, five women meet in the hills above Orvieto in Umbria, Italy, to cook, eat, drink and talk.

Four of them are locals, with ages ranging from 52 to over 80.

The other is Marlena de Blasi, an American writer long settled in the area.

On the face of it, this might sound a rather slight if charming premise for a book. Yet, while The Umbrian Thursday Night Supper Club is certainly charming, it’s also astonishingly rich. De Blasi, who has previously written cookery books, writes about the food with mouthwatering relish, emphasising how seriously it’s taken in an area where few people have ever eaten an egg from a carton instead of fresh from the hen. We also get a fully-rounded portrait of the kind of communal Italian rural life that was supposed to have died out with the Second World

The Umbrian Thursday Night Supper Club by Marlena de Blasi is published by Hutchinson, £16.99 126

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War. The local olive harvest, for instance, is still done by hand, just as it has been for thousands of years. (Apparently, machines damage the oil slightly.)

Best of all, though, the women tell de Blasi the stories of their lives: stories that between them make for a terrific piece of social history— but also prevent the book from ever turning too idyllic. They include hair-raising tales of Mafia violence and clerical abuse, as well as various relationships and marriages.

© illustratio ns: C hrista Moffitt, C hristabella Des igns

A Love Affair With Italy

But here’s one of the more touching examples. In the late 1960s, aged 18, Paolina found herself pregnant and unmarried—which in the Umbria of the time was usually a source of shame. But then, to her considerable surprise, the local priest Umberto and his mother Carolina offered to look after her at the parish house.

She was no less surprised when, once her labour started, Carolina put on the radio and asked her to dance…

‘‘

‘Amore mio, dance with me.

Vieni, vieni, come, come.’

She took my hands, strove again and again to wrench the great white bulk of me from among the pillows and each time she failed. I fell to laughing and begged her to leave me be.

‘Carolina, I hurt quite enough already without your…’

‘But it’s this that will lessen the pain, you must move, move, move.

When the contractions begin again, then you can be still. Come, try it.’

Carolina raised the volume just as Umberto entered the room.

‘I heard the music…Paolina, is there something I can…?’

‘Ah, Umberto. Maybe she’ll listen to you. Tell her she must move, she must dance. Did I ever tell you that Anna-Rosa danced me through 17 hours of labour before you were born?’

Umberto and I laughed at Carolina and the more we laughed the better

R eader ’ s D i g e s t

RD EXCLUSIVE: MARLENA DE BLASI’S FAVOURITE BOOKS ABOUT ITALY

The Leopard

by Giuseppe Tomasi de Lampedusa (1958) A melancholy tale chronicling the decadence of the Sicilian aristocracy during Garibaldi’s revolution.

The Italians by Luigi Barzini (1964) Scrutinising Italian clichés, Barzini draws an astringent and ambivalent portrait of his countrymen.

Italian Days by Barbara Grizzuti Harrison (1989) A deeply reflective chronicle of a single woman’s journeys around the country.

Christ Stopped at Eboli by Carlo Levi (1945) A memoir set in 1935–36 during Levi’s political banishment to a village of stone-age primitiveness.

In the Garden of the FinziContinis by Giorgio Bassani (1962) A story of unlived young love woven into a haunting witnessing of the lead-up to the Second World War.

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BOOKS

she danced and, when she pulled at me another time, I got to my feet and tried to do as she was doing.

I’d never tried to dance before. Not once. A contraction interrupted my debut and I fell back onto the bed.

torso arched slightly backward to accommodate my belly. I danced barefoot with Umberto the Jesuit in the small red room under the black-beamed vault, the breeze from the open balcony door ruffling

Intense as it was, Carolina had been right: the pain seemed less. After a few moments, I was on my feet again while Umberto, shaken by his first gaze upon a woman in labour, was in retreat.

‘Umberto, don’t you dare leave me alone with her; you take a turn now while I rest. Keep her moving.’

Neither had Umberto danced in his life, yet there he was, facing me, his feet apart as though to steady himself. Tall as a cypress and pitifully thin, lank blond hair falling in his eyes—blue and wide with terror behind his wire-rimmed spectacles— Umberto took me in his arms.

‘Heedless of the rhythm of Guantanamera, he held me in the formal position of a waltz, his lower and the NAME of THE AUTHOR is…

Margaret Mitchell (whose only novel was Gone with the Wind).

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his hair, shivering the hem of my nightdress. No genius with a chisel and a stone could have carved such a moment.

Carmine. Khar’-meen-eh. A beautiful word, don’t you think? My son was born on Sunday morning.

Carmine Domenic. Carmine Sunday…

Later that morning Umberto came softly into the red room, asked if I might sit up a moment. There was something I should see out the long window, he said. I did better than that. With Carmine asleep in my arms, I walked to the balcony door to see 20 villagers, perhaps more, walking in a free-form procession from the piazza up towards the parish house. Every one carried flowers or some sort of parcel.

‘Carmine’s first visitors,’ Umberto said quietly.

Through the gates they came and gathered in the front garden under my balcony, waving, shouting, ‘Evviva Carmine Domenic.

Long live Carmine Domenica.’

’’

© by New York World -Telegram an d the S un staff photographer: al Au mu l l er

I was on my feet while Umberto, shaken by his first gaze upon a woman in labour, was in retreat

Books

that changed my life

James Cracknell OBE is a double Olympic gold medalist.

He’s also taken on many challenges, including rowing the Atlantic and skiing to the South Pole. He lives in London with his wife Beverley Turner and their three children.

Lord of the Flies

by William Golding

I remember coming across this in my 11-plus, reading a few paragraphs and thinking, The kids are in control! It’s the ultimate childhood fantasy. I reread it a few years later and the full picture began to dawn—this is what happens if everyone gets to do whatever they want. Hmm…maybe there’s a point to all those rules. It was the first book that made me see the world through an adult’s eyes.

Trainspotting

© Chris Jobs/Alam y

by Irvine Welsh

People probably expect my favourite books to be sporting biographies, but the most you get is a bit of salacious gossip. How can a book like that change your life? Then again, how can a book like Trainspotting change your life? Yes, it’s about drugs, FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/BOOKS

but it’s also a very honest book about wasted lives. Those characters were as committed to destroying themselves as I was to rowing. I devoted every day to training and they devoted every day to drugs. I found that incredibly distressing. For me, it was a very sobering reminder that you only get one chance—don’t mess it up!

American Psycho

by Bret Easton Ellis

Of all the books I’ve read, this has left the biggest impression.

It was a bit like getting punched in the face— it stopped me dead in my tracks. It’s hard to explain how it changed me, but it took me somewhere that scared the hell out of me and I never wanted to go back. It’s just words on a page, but it shocked me to the core. You might not like American Psycho— and, understandably, a lot of people don’t—but if you choose to read it, you’ll never forget it.

As told to Danny Scott 05•2015

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FUn & Games

You Couldn’t Make It Up Win £50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk working in a residential care home, my colleagues

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“Enjoying ourself, are we, sir?”

When my son was about four years old, he was having speech

therapy because the only consonants he could pronounce were M, N, D and B. One day he was poorly and I had to take him to the doctor.

Sitting in with Dr Browne, little Adrian said loudly, “Man no dair.”

I understood immediately, but purposely chose to ignore him.

Again, a little louder, “Mum, man no dair.”

© STEVE WAY

and I found ourselves dealing with what appeared to be an emergency situation.

“Doreen needs help—her toe is really badly cut,” announced the carer who had found this poor lady in her room. “It seems as if all the skin is open and almost inside out.”

The senior carer looked at the toe and decided an ambulance would be needed. Doreen reported that she felt fine and was quite enjoying the excitement. The ambulance crew were with us within ten minutes and made their way straight up to Doreen’s room.

After only a few minutes, I was surprised to see the ambulance crew leave the room. Both were laughing hysterically and said, “Our services will not be required here.”

“Your resident had dropped a slightly chewed-up prune on her foot”, laughed one of the crew.

“A quick wipe and she was cured.”

Yvette DeBarr, Ke n t

Reader’s Digest

I carried on talking to the doctor, hoping my dear son would shut up if I kept ignoring him. No chance!

The doctor then asked, “What’s that he’s saying?”

In reply, Adrian shouted out, “Mum! Man bald!”

I felt my face getting redder and redder, but fortunately Dr Browne saw the funny side of it.

wendy higlet, E s s e x My husband was a tour guide

for a 16th-century castle just near Leuchars airfield in Fife.

One day, while speaking to a group of American tourists, a jet plane flew overhead. The noise was very loud and prompted one of the party to comment that he couldn’t understand why the castle had been built so near an airfield!

Sylvia H Thomson, Fi f e part of my dad’s culture,

as an 85-year-old Irish Catholic, is to attend the funeral of anyone to whom one is connected, even if the connection is very tenuous, as a mark of respect.

One evening, as dad was having a pint at his local social club, he heard that one of the regulars had died. Dad duly attended the man’s funeral and offered his condolences to the family of the deceased.

Imagine my dad’s surprise when two weeks later, he walked into the social club and saw the “deceased”

man standing at the bar having a laugh and enjoying a beer! He had no idea whose funeral he’d been to, and he soon had his hearing aids checked.

Jacqueline Marsden, B e d f o rd s h i r e

My nephew, who is seven, was playing rather boisterously at his grandma’s house when she pointed at some ornaments and said, “Please be careful not to break them, they’re made from china.”

“Don’t worry, Gran, they won’t break,” my nephew replied. “I’ve got loads of toys from China.”

andrew berry, L i n c o l n while on HOLIDAY in South africa last year, my friend and

I went to visit an elephant park in her rental car. We stopped for a spot of breakfast, but when we got back in the car we noticed something was different: the vehicle was very clean.

We both looked around for a few minutes, then shot a glance at one another—we were in the wrong car.

Nicole Thorpe, S t a f f o rd s h i r e

At Sunday school, I asked a

little boy his age and he held up four fingers.

“And when will you be five?”

I asked.

“When I hold up the other finger,” he retorted.

STEPHANIE THOMAS, D e n b i g h s h i r e 05•2015

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Jewellery_RD Shop Advert.indd 2

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it pays to increase your

Word Power This year marks the 150th anniversary of Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Carroll invented words such as boojum and jabberwocky, and his works abound with colourful terms. In celebration of Alice, here’s a sampling. Answers on the next page.

By E m ily Cox & H enry Rathvon

1. hookah (‘hu-kah) n— A: staff of a shepherdess. B: chess queen’s crown. C: smoking pipe.

2. platitudes (‘pla-tih-tewds) n—

A: trite sayings. B: temperate climates. C: heaping servings.

3. welter (‘wel-tur) v— A: toss among waves. B: droop in the sun. C: shrink in size.

4. griffin (‘grih-fun) n—A: monster

with wings. B: horn. C: cranky man.

5. impertinent (im-‘pur-tuh-nunt)

adj—A: late for a meeting. B: talking rapidly. C: rude.

9. antipathies (an-‘tih-puh-thees)

n—A: miracle cures. B: sudden storms, usually in the tropics.

C: feelings of dislike.

10. will-o’-the-wisp (will-uh-thuh‘wisp) n—A: fast speaker. B: rare plant. C: misleading goal or hope.

11. sally (‘sa-lee) n—A: female

rabbit. B: white smock or robe.

C: witty remark.

12. lory (‘lor-ee) n— A: tall tale. B: type of parrot.

C: atmospheric phenomenon, as the northern lights.

A: speaking fluently. B: sluggish or weak. C: slightly tilted.

13. cravat (kra-‘vat) n—A: game similar to croquet. B: scarf-like necktie. C: two-person rowing boat.

7. ungainly (un-‘gayn-lee)

14. hansom (‘hant-sum) n—

adj—A: not attractive. B: clumsy or awkward. C: sickly thin.

A: horse-drawn carriage. B: knight or nobility. C: chimney flue.

8. livery (‘lih-vuh-ree) n— A: model boat. B: uniform. C: long, boring speech.

15. sagaciously (sag-‘gay-shus-lee)

6. languid (‘lan-gwed) adj—

adv—A: wisely. B: dimly or foolishly.

C: ambitiously.

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Word Power

Answers 1. hookah—[C] smoking pipe.

“Jim found a shop in town that offers supplies for his antique hookah.”

2. platitudes—[A] trite sayings. “Our

coach offered a dozen platitudes such as, ‘No pain, no gain.’ ” 3. welter— [A] toss among waves.

“Heading for shore, Karyn stayed focused on the buoy weltering in the distance.”

4. griffin—[A] monster with

wings. “Felix was fascinated by the illustrations of the griffin in his mythology book.”

5. impertinent—[C] rude. “Would it

be too impertinent to point out that I can hear you snoring six rows back?”

6. languid—[B] sluggish or weak.

“By three in the afternoon, I’m too languid to think about anything but tea and a comfy chair.”

7. ungainly—[B] clumsy or awkward.

“Is it me, or is he the most ungainly mime you’ve ever seen?”

8. livery—[B]

uniform. “The butler’s rumpled livery made him the prime suspect in the disappearance of our dinner host.”

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05•2015

9. antipathies—[C] feelings of

dislike. “I’d say there were some mild antipathies between the two speakers at the council meeting.”

10. will-o’-the-wisp—[C] misleading goal or hope. “You might follow the will-o’-the-wisp of bipartisanship regarding the new law, but you’d be foolish.”

11. sally—[C] witty remark. “Aside

from the occasional sally, the sports commentators had little to offer.”

12. lory—[B] type of parrot. “Tom set off for Australia to study and photograph the lory in the wild.”

13. cravat—[B] scarf-like necktie.

“I’m going to the party as James Bond—would he wear a cravat?”

14. hansom—[A] horse-drawn

carriage. “The producer of Cinderella was troubled by the plan to transform the hansom into a pumpkin onstage.”

word of the day* EFFRONTERY: shameless and audacious insolence.

Alternative suggestions: “Saying the f-word in front of Terry.”

“Where the National Front meets.”

“Barely wearing any clothes.”

15. sagaciously—

[A] wisely. “The critic sagaciously pointed out the logic holes in Tara’s dense first novel.”

Vocabulary Ratings

9 & below: In a hole 10–12: Quick-witted 13–15: Wonderful

*POST YOUR DEFINITIONS EVERY DAY AT FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK

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26/03/2015 16:57

FUn & Games

BrainTeasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 139.

Quadrilaterals

Dominoes

How many squares and rectangles are there in the diagram?

NB: The four-sided figures may vary in size and a figure may be composed of more than one figure, like a Lego set.

One of these dominoes isn’t like the others. Which one is it?

Quick calculation

Replace the question marks with mathematical symbols (+, -, ×, and ÷) to produce the correct answer. Perform calculations in order, left to right.

36 ? 6 ? 2 ? 1 ? 5 ? 1 = 8 136

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The intruder

One of the figures below doesn’t belong. Which one is it?

A

B

C

D

shifting shapes

is to

as

A

is to…

B

C

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brain teasers

Crossword

Try this crossword.

The highlighted letters spell a hot political topic.

1

2

3

4

5

7

6

9

8

10 11

12

13

14

15

16 17

18

The highlighted letters spell immigration

Down

1 Constituency (4) 3 Repair (4) 5 Shooting area (5) 6 Rim (4) 8 Colonise (6) 10 Friend (9) 13 Chess piece (6) 15 Deer (4) 16 Permission (5) 17 Revise (4) 18 Import tax (4)

1 Scatter (5) 2 Genuine (4) 3 Dissolve (4) 4 Scuba user (5) 7 Entire amount (5) 8 Rascal (5) 9 Game fish (5) 11 On high (5) 12 Great pain (5) 14 Stop (4) 15 Discard (4)

138

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Answers Across: 1 Seat 3 Mend 5 Range 6 Edge 8 Settle 10 Companion 13 Bishop 15 Stag 16 Leave 17 Edit 18 Duty Down: 1 Strew 2 True 3 Melt 4 Diver 7 Gross 8 Scamp 9 Trout 11 Above 12 Agony 14 Halt 15 Shed

Across

Reader’s Digest

BrainTeasers: Answers Quadrilaterals

27

* Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition.

Dominoes

When the dots on the top and bottom halves of the domino are added together, they produce an odd sum —except for the third domino from the left, where they produce an even sum.

£50 prize question Answer published in the June issue What percentage of the shape above is shaded?

The first correct answer we pick on May 7 wins £50!* Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

quick calculation

There are two possible answers: (36 ÷ 6) x 2 + 1 – 5 x 1 = 8 and (36 ÷ 6) x 2 x 1 – 5 + 1 = 8 The intruder

C. In a, b and d the internal lines intersect. They do not in c. shifting shapes

B. The heart originally on the left rotates 180 degrees and moves to the top of the pyramid; the cylinder in the centre rotates 90 degrees clockwise and moves to the bottom right; and the circle on the right moves to the bottom left.

Answer to April’s prize question C. Each line contains two images with two red triangles side by side, and one image with two red triangles one on top of the other. Each line contains two images with a red dot at the bottom and a white dot on the left-hand side, and one image with a red dot on the left-hand side and a white dot at the bottom. (Note that when, for example, a red dot falls on a red triangle, the dot is invisible, as is a white dot when it appears on a white background). The missing image should be of two red triangles, one on top of the other, with a red dot on the left-hand side and a white dot at the bottom.

And the £50 goes to…

Steve Briddon, Jersey

05•2015

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FUn & Games

Laugh!

Win £50 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk A group of chaps, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for a reunion lunch. They finally agreed to meet at The Red Lion in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, aged 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. They finally agreed to meet at The Red Lion in Uxbridge because the food and service was good and the choice of beer was excellent.

Ten years later, aged 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. They finally agreed to meet at The Red Lion in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, aged 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. They finally agreed to meet at The Red Lion in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, aged 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for 140 | 05•2015

lunch. They finally agreed to meet at The Red Lion in Uxbridge because they’d never been there before.

Heather Marchant, L o n d o n

Which King was always under pressure? Edward the Compressor.

comedian richard woolford

A police car pulled over

a small car that was crawling along the A12 at less than 20mph.

“I’m sorry,” said the old lady behind the wheel, “but it said 12 on the last sign we passed.”

“No,” said the officer. “That was the road number, not the speed limit.

You’re allowed to do 60mph here.”

The officer looked at the woman’s passenger, cowering in the front seat.

“Are you OK, madam,” he asked.

“Not really,” she retorted, “we’ve just come off the A132.”

sali thomas, D i n b y c h There are very few people

these days doing Roman numeral jokes. I is one. Comedian Chris Turner

A husband and wife were

having problems and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalise their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you’re unable to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”

“Seven weeks,” the wife said.

smilejokes.net

Reader’s Digest

dogs in bother

Their inquisitive nature has landed these playful pups in a spot of trouble (sadanduseless.com)

I’ve worked out that my new shadow puppet theatre could make millions, although that’s just projected figures. seen online Three elderly men arrive at

the doctor’s surgery for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, “What’s three times three?”

“274,” came the reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes, looks up at the ceiling and says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What’s three times three?”

“Tuesday,” replies the second man.

The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “OK, your turn. What’s three times three?”

“Nine,” says the third man.

“That’s great!” says the doctor.

“How did you get that?”

“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.” allnurses.com 05•2015

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Laugh!

Woman goes to a doctor and

he asks her: “What’s wrong?”

She says, “I feel like a wigwam and a tepee.”

And he says, “The problem with you is you’re two tense.” comedian lee Mack

What do you call two crows

sitting in a tree? Attempted murder.

reddit.com A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week, so he did the same tricks over and over.

Unfortunately, the captain’s parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

He started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same

hat. Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”

The magician was furious, but as it was the captain’s parrot, he could do nothing.

Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot. They glared at each other but said nothing.

Finally, after a week, the parrot said, “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?”

jokesjournal.com “Why did you get such a low mark on that test?” a mother asked

her son.

“Because of absence,” he replied.

“You mean you were absent on the day of the test?” the mother asked.

“No,” he said, “but the kid who sits next to me was.” seen online

50 shades of gran This parody Twitter account puts a spin on the hugely successful 50 Shades of Grey franchise—but, fortunately, takes itself a little less seriously…

She moved closer until our lips almost touched, narrowed her eyes and said in a low voice, “Hello, stranger.” She’d lost her glasses again..

She stared up at me, bit her lip seductively. Those new dentures were going to take a while to get used to.

She was surprisingly flexible for a woman in her eighties. She could do Tuesdays or Thursdays.

She bent over the kitchen table. ‘Smack that bottom hard!’ she cried. But it was no good, I just couldn’t get my sponge cake out of the tin.

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Reader’s Digest

Beat the Cartoonist! in the June issue

March’s Winner They say lightning never strikes twice, but cartoonist Steve Way seems to be on a roll—his original caption, “Nothing good on the telly tonight…”, once again stole a march on its rivals, securing victory by an historically wide margin.

Come on, readers! Your reputations are at stake.

Human Colonies on Mars How far away are we from colonising space—and what challenges would we face in the process?

Plus • Couples Who Live Apart • “I Remember”: Melvyn Bragg • Kidney Disease: A Silent Killer • Exploring ModernDay Warsaw

Scoreboard: Readers 29 Cartoonists 11 05•2015

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© STEVE WAY / © Stocktrek Images, I nc/Al amy

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in late April. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £100 and a framed copy of the cartoon with your caption. Submit to captions@readers digest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/ caption by May 15.

We’ll announce the winner in our July issue.

Laugh!

60-Second Stand-Up We caught up with the absolutely delightful Lucy Beaumont What’s your favourite of your own jokes?

It’s probably the story about the Wagon Wheel. I fell asleep on a train once and a group of people stuck a Wagon Wheel to my head. I told my family and they all thought it was hilarious and that I should tell people. I didn’t think anyone would find it funny...but they do.

What’s the best part of your current tour?

The end! No, kidding. I think the audience participation is great.

If you were a fly on a wall, whose wall would you be on?

have you found any parts of the country to be funnier than others?

Barack Obama’s. I’m not even really sure why­—I’d just figure him out.

Durham is a bit cheeky. But I’ve generally found that humour is almost universal. Crowds can really vary, but the differences don’t tend to be regional.

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

wHO IS YOUR COMEDY INSPIRATION?

I went on a hen weekend the other week. The hen was lovely, but the hens were rough. Instead of hiring a stripper, we needed a dentist.

I have so many, but Les Dawson is a big one. I almost feel like I know him, like he’s in my family. I watched so many repeats on the TV and a lot of Blankety Blank, and I have people in my family who remind me of him.

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To be taller. I’m 5ft 1...and a half. what’s your favourite one-liner?

Lucy is currently touring with her show We Can Twerk It Out. Visit lucybeaumont. com for details.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FUN-GAMES

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20/03/2015 09:24