Reader's Digest UK Mar 2020

When life is non-stop, taking time out for a health issue might not feel like an option. Which is why, with Bupa, you’ll get fast access to treatment and specialist support, so you’ll be back to yourself as soon as possible.

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Contents

MARCH 2020

Features

16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

Olly Mann on the surprisingly profound meaning of his childhood moniker, “Loafa”

ENTERTAINMENT

20 INTERVIEW: NEIL MORRISSEY

The Good Karma Hospital star chats to Vicki Power about his difficult childhood, acting career and being a father

28 “I REMEMBER”: JO BRAND

The British comedian reminisces about her childhood and career

HEALTH

38 CURING THE INCURABLE

Discover the incredible reallife accounts of people whose lives were saved by chiropractic treatment

58 INSPIRE

THE JOYS OF A TATTOOED COOKBOOK

Why we should all start scribbling in our recipe books

66 BEST OF BRITISH: PAINTED BRITAIN

Visit the places that inspired some of the greatest artwork this country has produced

78 SAVING VILLAGES

Meet the people who decided to swap city life for country bliss, and halt the rural decay

88 MAGICAL MARRAKECH

Anna Walker dicovers the scents and flavours of Morocco

As featured on Dragon’s Den

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Did you know that one in four adults aged 55 and over tell no one if they’re struggling with

their mental health?

Leading UK health insurer, Bupa, has found baby-boomers are neglecting their wellbeing. They want to help more people access support for mind and body.

An issue that shouldn’t be ignored

Two thirds of the over 55s reported experiencing mental health issues. Yet, many keep quiet. One in four (27%) tell nobody, with fewer confiding in a partner or friend than younger generations and less than half consulting a doctor.1 Even those who do seek help delay by over 50 days on average.

Why they feel unable to act

Lack of action stems from a lack of awareness that the symptoms could indicate a mental health problem. Less than one in three over 55s feel confident in recognising the symptoms, compared to nearly half of 18-34-year-olds.2

Opinium Research conducted among 2,152 UK adults, 19-22 March 2019.

How Bupa can help

Not only do Bupa cover more mental health conditions than any other leading UK health insurer†, they provide continued support from specialists through life’s ups and downs.

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184% of 18-34-year olds tell at least one person about their symptoms. 43% tell a partner and 50% tell a friend, compared to 33% and 28% respectively for over 55s.

231% of over 55s said they were fully aware of depression and 26% are fully aware of anxiety, compared to 46% and 46% respectively for 18-34s.

†As of May 2019, based on internally conducted research of the consumer health insurance market. Refers to standard mental health cover when this is included in the selected health cover product.

*Applies to Reader’s Digest members on quotes for new Bupa By You policies. Discounts will be reviewed on 10/09/2020 and any changes will apply to renewals and new quotes thereafter. Quotes are valid for 14 days. T&Cs apply.

Reader’s Digest introduces Bupa health insurance. Bupa health insurance is provided by Bupa Insurance Limited. Bupa Insurance Limited is authorised by the Prudential Regulation Authority and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority and the Prudential Regulation Authority.

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In This Issue…

When I travelled to Marrakech back in November last year, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’d heard mixed stories. Some travellers cited an unfriendly city, with catcalling and fumes defining their trip. Others painted a picture of an urban oasis. And for some, it was merely a pit stop on a journey of self discovery in the nearby desert and Atlas mountains.

My own experience was somewhere between the three. Sure, the constant catcalling and insistent sales patter of the souks could be trying, but the views were spectacular, the local customs beautiful and the food delicious. And where I was promised hostility, I frequently found humanity. Read about the many sides of one of Africa’s busiest cities on p88.

There’s an overwhelming sense of hominess and comfort uniting the features in this month’s issue. From a tight-knit community in France working together to revive a small village by growing their own produce, building houses and setting up local shops and schools on p78; to a delectable ode to well-worn cookbooks and reflection on how the notes we make in them serve as precious keepsakes passed on from generation to generation on p56.

These people-focused stories all radiate warm nostalgia, and that sense of belonging and staying in tune with our roots that we all crave as human beings. They’ll surely bring a bit of cosiness and sparkle to the often-drab days of early spring.

Anna Eva

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Over To You

LETTERS ON THE January ISSUE

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

LETTER OF THE MONTH

I was very interested to read your article about people going carbon neutral. I feel much the same way as your interviewees regarding the state our world has been allowed to fall into; alarmed, angry, and despairing.

I have made changes to my own lifestyle in light of the climate crisis, but while I agree that lifestyle changes matter, the focus on individual change should not deflect from the huge responsibility of governments and world leaders. Because without large-scale system change, all our efforts are pointless.

To slow the climate crisis it is essential that action is taken on fossil fuels. Besides eating a more plant-based diet, avoiding flying, consumerism and driving, our lifestyle choices must include supporting environmental groups and activists such as Greta Thunberg, David Attenborough, Greenpeace, and Extinction Rebellion, who demand that our leaders make the climate an urgent priority.

PATRICIA

LOWTHER, County Durham

BODY DOUBLES

It’s to be hoped that Max Pemberton’s appeal strikes a chord with many others, as it has with me. I was very squeamish about the idea of being an organ donor until my cousin’s husband had the heart transplant that transformed his life. Now my family is well aware of my wish that any part of me that might be useful to medical science—the whole lot, if suitable—can be donated as soon as I have finished with it.

MAGGIE

COBBETT, Yorkshire

Send

DOUG FOR PM

“If I Ruled The World” by Douglas Kennedy… Could someone please give this man the job? He would make a great leader.

I especially liked his thoughts on banning property developers from destroying the architectural fabric of cities. Generally, Europe doesn’t much like skyscrapers. We regard them in a negative light; suspicious products of rapacious corporate speculators bent on destroying the fabric of life and cultural heritage of old European cities.

Towering glass structures are also an environmental nightmare and there’s a growing consensus that we should stop building them. I am in complete agreement with this.

KAY MADDOCKS, Hertfordshire

GRACEFUL AGEING

I enjoyed “How To Age Well”. I used to think that long life was just genetics and good luck, and it’s easy to feel confused by all the healthyageing advice out there. Wine is good for you, then it’s not. Calcium supplements are recommended, then they aren’t.

So, I was surprised by how many factors contribute to a long life that are within my control when I read this article. The writer really did know what they were talking about. Just a few simple things can help me stay healthy after 50, such as using my brain, doing yoga and meditation, tapping into my inner artist, keeping on the move, and many more great suggestions.

I also find it makes sense to have a contingency plan for the bumps in the road that might occur as we get older too. Getting regular check-ups and screenings as recommended by my doctor.

Many thanks for all the helpful advice I received.

CHLOE WILLIAMS, Denbighshire

FLY A SPITFIRE

CAA-approved two-seat Spitfire flights from £2750 at the historic RAF Biggin Hill Airfield.

Photos: © Imago/zuma P ress/ a rtur

…DIFFERENTLY

Works of art, that give a serious problem an aesthetic face are Bordalo II’s forte. To highlight how the animal world is affected by humanity’s waste production, the Portugese artist creates animal sculptures around the world constructed solely from garbage! The Dublin scultpure of a massive squirrel seen here has sadly already been consolidated to the waste bin again—to make way for a new hotel.

Flour Power

This month Olly Mann looks back on his school nickname with a new-found acceptance…

Did you have a nickname at school? I did: "Loafa". Pronounced "loafer", to imply a louche, laid back vibe utterly at odds with my character but with enough positive connotations that my friends were content to fling it at me. How redolent of the late 1990s; that an "a" on the end betrays this as the era of Ali G, when white sixth-formers in independent schools thought it was amusing to appropriate the language of gangsta rappers. Innit.

Two events had earned me the moniker. First, a coach trip to see An Enemy Of The People at the National Theatre. My A-Level Theatre

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

Studies class stocked up on solids beforehand: the school hadn’t organised dinner, and we’d read enough Ibsen to predict it was going to be a long night. My mates mostly opted for pick n mix or Monster Munch, but I—rather sensibly, I thought—bought a loaf of bread. Unsliced. My intention was that we could pass it around the coach, tear-and-share style; some welcome sustenance to accompany the synthetic cocoa and palm oil pastilles. But, as I had no knife, my burrowing fists, tearing out chunks like a caveman, were met with hilarity.

I stayed overnight with my friend Ben, and he offered me toast for breakfast. Two slices in, I observed that a spare slice remained, and requested if I might have that, too. When Ben’s sister came down, she enquired as to why the bread bin was empty, and Ben informed her, delightedly, that I was the culprit.

As the story developed, it became The Day Olly Mann Ate My Family Out Of House And Home. "He ate it all! He’s a bread fiend! He can’t help himself!", etc. The die was cast.

The Loafa name finally formed that summer, during a rights-of-passage pilgrimage to Reading Festival. Before heading to the campsite, my crew stopped at Tesco for foodstuffs that might survive a sweltering weekend under canvas. I had £10 to spend, and, attempting to economise, purchased six packets of value bread. And dips. Oh God, why didn’t I buy beans and tinned soup like everyone else? My reputation as the most desperate bread addict in Hertfordshire was sealed: I was the kid who, for three days running, ate nothing but bread, salsa, and cheese and chive spread. I was Loafa.

Bread is nobody’s favourite food, perhaps, but nobody’s most hated. From pizza to pretzels, brioche to bagels, there’s truly a bread for everyone (except coeliacs). There are worse things to inspire your nickname.

Indeed I would have forgotten that I ever was The Loafa (for some reason, written down, it tended to gain the definite article), but for the fact that I kept in touch with so many of my school friends —including Ben, despite him breadshaming me so unjustly. Even though we are now pushing 40, our nicknames are occasionally resurrected at parties. To be fair, mine is no worse than Steve’s— he is known as Juicer, because, um, he quite liked orange juice. But these days, I feel the name is haunting me.

I didn’t hugely object. After all, bread is a more tolerable basis for a fat-boy cuss than Lard Arse or Beer Belly. Bread is, at least, a staple of international cuisine; a symbol of hospitality and community. It’s the great leveller—just as comfortable at Claridges, forming a delicate cucumber sandwich, as it is encasing a spicy fillet at Chicken Cottage.

Four years ago, you see, I lost a couple of stone in weight. This I achieved partly by cutting down on booze, taking long walks and spurning processed food—but also by removing bread from my diet. Bread wasn’t a massive temptation, when I lived alone and had no children: I just didn’t keep bread in the house, and, when out, became accustomed to casually removing dough-balls from salads and placing them on my partner’s plate. Recently,

though, my jeans have crept up a size or two, so I’m keen to shed some pounds again. And now, with two kids in my house, barring bread from the premises just isn’t an option.

Worse than that: we have a breadmaker! My wife diligently bakes two loaves per week, which she seems to see as some sort of motherly duty, and the smell that fills the house is glorious. I can just about survive dinner without fetching the butter and side-plates. But, come breakfast time, I can’t—I just can’t— serve my son a slice of toast, and not make one (or two, or three…) for myself. My lack of willpower is quite dazzling. It’s made me feel as if I really might be The Loafa, at heart.

Such is the power of nicknames. For them to stick, the consensus among your peers must be that

“EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOW PUSHING 40, OUR NICKNAMES ARE OCCASIONALLY RESURRECTED AT PARTIES”

the label has unearthed some essential truth about you, even if it’s something that you yourself don’t initially recognise, or feel comfortable about.

Has the time come for me to embrace The Loafa? Might that even feel empowering? Well, it would give me an excuse to eat more toast… n

A girl's best friend

Ancient Romans believed that Cupid’s arrows were tipped with diamonds. This is perhaps the earliest association between diamonds and romantic love.

Scientists have discovered a planet that they believe is composed mostly of carbon, and is one-third pure diamond. Discovered in 2004, the planet orbits a nearby star in the Milky Way, and is named “55 Cancri e”.

Scientists have also discovered a star that is essentially a diamond of ten billion trillion trillion carats. They named the star "Lucy" after the Beatles song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."

The word "diamond" derives from the Greek “adamas,” which means indestructible. An appropriate name, considering that the only thing that can scratch a diamond is another diamond.

SOURCE: BRILLIANTEARTH.COM

“I

Neil Morrissey:

“I Pinch Myself Every Day”

by Vicki Power

Actor Neil Morrissey, 57, became a household name for his role in Men Behaving Badly, but it was his turn in Line of Duty that cemented his place as one of Britain’s best-loved TV stars…

just want to be seen as a frickin’ actor who can do everything,” is how Morrissey sums it up as we chat over a beer in the sultry atmosphere of a beachside bar in Sri Lanka. He’s there filming The Good Karma Hospital, an ITV medical drama in which he plays a barman and consort of the lead, Amanda Redman. In shorts and a loose top, Morrissey has an intensity about him that belies the laid-back beach bum attire and the characters he has until now been best known for playing.

We discuss the arc of his career. Morrissey made his mark as a

comedy actor, spending eight years as baby-faced biker Rocky in Boon before replacing Harry Enfield as Martin Clunes’ skirt-chasing sidekick in series two of Men Behaving Badly. Morrissey and Martin Clunes were already good friends after having met via mutual north London mates, and when Harry Enfield quit the sitcom after one series, Clunes suggested Morrissey for the flatmate role.

“I felt at home on set right away, and Martin and Caroline [Quentin, who played Dorothy] were really bloody funny,” he recalls. “So was Leslie [Ash as Deborah]. I had to learn quickly how to keep up with them.” Morrissey’s 1992-98

MICHAEL MELIA / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

Alongside Michael Elphick in Boon, 1992 With MenBehavingBadly co-stars Martin Clunes and Leslie Ash,1993

stint in the show catapulted him to household name status, but his conviction in the role—and tabloid headlines about his love life—propelled Morrissey into an admittedly gilded rut of playing jackthe-lad characters throughout the early Noughties.

Morrissey says it was Line of Duty creator Jed Mercurio who took a leap of faith that turned his fortunes around. In 2012 Morrissey was invited to audition for the first series of the acclaimed BBC cop drama and subsequently appeared in three series as corrupt copper DC Nigel Morton. “I had a little breakthrough,” says the 57-year-old with a chuckle. “Morton was a character of some weight who creeps into the peak of the story. I’d been doing serious stuff on stage for years, but it was down to TV producers and writers thinking, ‘Actually, Morrissey could do this.’”

A purple patch of varied work has followed. In 2018 he landed a role in ITV’s prestige murder mystery Unforgotten as a failing businessman who is suspected of murder. “I got a bit of praise for it, which was nice,” he says. “Praise is actor juice.” But being cast against type can provoke anxiety, too, he admits. Unsure whether to accept another role out of his comfort zone, as a barrister in Ireland’s legal drama Striking Out (2017-18), he sought advice. “I phoned up [Line of Duty’s] Adrian Dunbar, who’s a close friend, and

“ IT WAS DIFFICULT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS. LIFE CHANGED AND I HAD TO GET ON WITH IT ”

said, ‘Should I play this barrister?’ And he said, ‘Neil, you’ve got to do at least one thing a year that scares you.’ Good advice. I did it and it was good fun.”

As pleased as he is with this latest turn, Morrissey claims he’s never fretted about his career trajectory and isn’t generally given to selfreflection. “I’m a glass-half-full person,” he says. “I wanted to do both [comedy and drama] and I thought something would turn up. Now people know I can flip back to comedy in the blink of an eye, and there are a lot of drama actors I don’t think could do comedy.” He points to his role as Greg McConnell in The Good Karma Hospital as evidence of his ability to do both. Although a jovial character who gets into scrapes, McConnell’s meatier plot lines have included him saving a

“I JUST WANT TO BE FRICKIN’ SEEN AS AN ACTOR WHO CAN DO EVERYTHING”

bereaved widower from suicide. It wouldn’t be too far a stretch to imagine that Morrissey’s difficult childhood informed his ability to mine deep emotion for his roles.

The third of four boys born to Irish parents in Stafford, Neil and his next-oldest brother, Stephen, were put into care after getting caught burgling a Women’s Institute branch; Neil learned only later that they were removed by the court because their parents were deemed unfit.

Morrissey was just ten, and through tenacity and by good luck landed in a decent children’s home and supportive foster care before he got himself into the Guildhall School of Music and Drama.

“They were terrible parents, but I was looked after really well in my formative years by Auntie Margaret,” says Morrissey, referring to his care home worker at Penkhull Children’s Home in Stoke-on-Trent, Margaret Cartlidge, whom he still sees. “As far

as my own parents were concerned it was difficult to have a relationship with them because life changed in my early teens and I had to get on with it.”

He says he’s not embittered by his childhood experiences but admits he’s more guarded in relationships than most. After his earlier romantic adventures, Morrissey has found stability with his partner of more than 16 years, Emma Killick, a lawyer who sits not far away from us at another table. They’ve never married: “Don’t believe in God, don’t believe in the law,” says Morrissey. “It seems like an institution we don’t need to enter.” A brief marriage in the late Eighties produced his only child, Sam, a video producer now aged 30.

(Below L-R) LineofDuty; The Good Karma Hospital; (above) starring in Unforgiven

Morrissey plays Greg Mcconnell in TheGoodKarmaHospital

“I love it when he calls me up and says, ‘Dad, I’m going to be in the pub in ten minutes. Do you want to come down?’” says Morrissey with a smile. “He’s also independent and desperate to make his own way, as I was. It’s good to see that the yearnings are the same and that, actually, it wasn’t just me trying to get out of the care home, it was just a Morrissey urge.”

The urges of Morrissey senior to break the mould of most care-home kids and forge a successful acting career have paid off admirably, and are leading, even now, to more varied roles. Morrissey indulges in a rare moment of reflection when recalling one of his first roles straight out of drama school—a small part in the 1984 Hollywood film The Bounty.

“Two years before I was in a children’s home and there I was in Tahiti with Mel Gibson, Anthony Hopkins, Dan Day Lewis, Liam

“TWO YEARS BEFORE, I WAS IN A HOME, AND THERE I WAS IN TAHITI WITH MEL GILBSON AND ANTHONY HOPKINS ”

Neeson,” says Morrissey, shaking his head. “Did I ever think when I was 16 in a children’s home going out to do the school play in the evening that this would happen? Of course not. I pinch myself every day.” n

The Good Karma Hospital starts in March on ITV.

Monkey Business

Twenty years ago, a gorilla in a Dutch zoo was tasked with investing in stocks of 75 listed companies. Each stock represented by a banana. The gorilla did better than Amsterdam Exchange Index in 13 out of 15 years.

“Koko” the gorilla, who lived in a preserve in California, had an active vocabulary of over 1,000 signs of “gorilla sign language”. She also understood 2,000 words of spoken English and played the recorder.

In 1986, when a five-year-old boy fell into a gorilla enclosure and lost consciousness, a gorilla named Jambo stood between the boy and the other gorillas in a protective gesture and even stroked the boy’s back.

SOURCE: ONEEARTH.ORG

I REMEMBER… Jo Brand

Bullish, ballsy and brilliantly funny, Jo Brand’s droll, self-effacing, brazen, often expletive-ridden style of comedy isn’t to everyone’s taste. Yet in a lifetime during which the 62-year-old south Londoner has endured bullying, unexpected motherhood and what amounts to almost an entire parallel existence as psychiatric nurse, Brand is surely entitled to speak as she finds… and so she does

I WAS BORN IN CLAPHAM, SOUTH

LONDON. I had two brothers, Bill and Matt, and was positioned somewhat uncomfortably in the middle. We used to spend time playing around the Common. When I was still young we moved to Kent to a little village called St. Mary’s Platt, which is about eight miles from the metropolis that is Sevenoaks.

My mother was something of a frustrated housewife. She was very clever and could have gone on to have a career in something cerebral, but

instead fell pregnant and spent the next decade bringing us lot up. That would explain the fact she was strict… or rather, she wanted things done in a proper way. My dad wasn’t as serious about life. He was a hard worker, yes, but went about things in a more casual way. Perhaps that’s where I got my laissez-faire attitude from.

THE

FAMILY UNIT

COMBINED TO MAKE ME

WHO I AM. Being between two competitive boys accelerated a sense of wanting to

stand on my own two feet, while as a group we were outgoing, ambitious and slightly un-PC, although well behaved—my mum wouldn’t have it any other way.

AS A KID I HATED SHOPPING.

I would rather have been doing anything; I still would—it’s such a waste of time. I’ve very rarely had positive shopping experiences. They’re only entertaining when something unexpected happens, or when someone loses all sense of perspective.

I’m referencing there a trip to a shop in West Dulwich called The Dulwich Trader I made with Ruby

Wax. I could not get her out of the place. She virtually bought the whole shop, she thought it was absolutely wonderful.

SCHOOL WAS LARGELY AN UNREMARKABLE EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

There were the usual incidents that may or may not have shaped me into who I went on to become, but most of my later years were spent on the bloody school bus to Tunbridge Wells Grammar School.

While education obviously defines you it was always the relationships with your friends, and those who weren’t your friends, that meant as much… people you were glad to be

around and others you were glad you were different to.

MY FIRST JOB AFTER I LEFT SCHOOL WAS IN A DR

BARNARDO’S HOME. My mother had encouraged me into that field given she was a qualified social worker by the time I left school, and I liked the idea of helping people. That set me on my way in healthcare and although that job didn’t work out, I knew I would head back in that direction.

It wasn’t that I especially wanted to leave it, but I think when you’re young you want to believe that the possibilities are endless, even if that means turning your back on perfectly good opportunities. There is logic in there somewhere.

ONE OF THE WORST JOBS I HAD WAS AS A KITCHEN HAND in a French restaurant. I was routinely ordered about and made to clean up other people’s culinary faux pas.

The delusion that the chef could make me mop up his spillages and mistakes without even a please or a thank you eventually got the better of me and I stormed out.

That job cemented in me the idea that if you treat others like dirt, then you should expect the same treatment in return. Similarly, the way to get on in life is to act with gratitude and compassion, and that moved me back into social care, where at least I would feel you were doing something worthwhile… although the food was crap!

I WENT BACK INTO EDUCATION AT BRUNEL with a social science and nursing degree, and that gave me a real purpose. London was very different back then—a wild clash of cultures, ideas and social viewpoints, and some of the things said would have you arrested today. Race divide, sexism, sizeism, even ageism; it was rife and were conditions people accepted, even though so much of what was said was cruel or unfair.

I WORKED AS A STUDENT NURSE AT THE MAUDSLEY HOSPITAL IN CAMBERWELL. I lived around that area already, and two or three times a week we’d all travel from the Maudsley to the Bethlem Royal Hospital, which is down in Kent, near Bromley.

We would drive through Dulwich village to get there—all of us povertystricken student nurses. I would press my little nose against the window, thinking, what an enchanting place, it’s like being in a Dickens novel.

I’d think to myself, one day I’d love to live here and circumstances have been as such that I’ve been able to, and it’s been fantastic.

I’VE ALWAYS GONE FOR THE UNDERDOG so it was a natural progression when I moved to become a psychiatric nurse. Every day I would see people coming through the system, always thinking that if 80 per cent of them had a decent life, some money and didn’t live a s**t flat 20 floors up, they wouldn’t have mental health problems. So it was kind of that, and also the fact that my mother always gave the image of a terrifying, campaigning feminist social worker… that helped too.

GROWING UP I WAS ALWAYS A WATER BABY. I know people will scoff at that, but I was always in swimming pools. A few years back I fronted a series called Big Splash and it was nice to reconnect with it all. I have been known to take a dip outside at some of the wonderful lidos we have around us, like Brockwell Park. I love spending time there with my family or by myself. It’s actually where I feel the most relaxed, other than my own home, of course.

I LIVED IN NORTH LONDON for a while but it always felt so crowded and I couldn’t ever park anywhere near my house. I’d get back from a gig at 2am and would have to walk a half a mile from my car to the house.

I know that sounds like a trivial reason to move south of the river,

there’s so much more space. The roads are wider and you can park anywhere you like.

I’VE ALWAYS LOOKED AT COMEDY PHILOSOPHICALLY. If people like what I do, great; if they don’t, tough! I worried much more about school than I ever have about my career. After a little while on the gig circuit and with endless trips up the M1, I got a call from an executive at Friday Night Live asking to come for an audition—this would have been 1988.

The idea of being beamed out to big numbers was very exciting, but the great thing about stand-up is,

whether you’re being broadcast to the nation or not, your audience is only ever really the people in front of you, so I knew that I could handle the pressure.

I WAS MORE NERVOUS WHEN I DEBATED VIVIENNE WESTWOOD AT TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN, IN 1996. As a rule, I don’t like getting into arguments. I’d rather flounce, swear at someone and remove myself from the situation. On this occasion though I accepted the offer, and wish I hadn’t. I was paired up against Dame Vivienne Westwood, and the subject was “Does fashion demean

women?” Let’s be honest, she was probably going to win that.

Even as I was doing it I was thinking this isn’t my stage. I’m always very aware of not being preachy. If you’re a comic, be funny then be preachy, but most of all be funny.

I’VE ALWAYS INVESTED A LOT OF MYSELF INTO CHARITY. In the era we’re living in, celebrities aligning themselves with good causes is often greeted with a kind of sneering scepticism. In the past no-one dared criticise anything philanthropic, for fear it would be seen as a sneer towards the needy themselves.

We’re a bit smarter nowadays and not afraid to call bulls**t on the breed of judgemental, demanding, hypocritical celebrities who are happy to dish out orders to fund raise, pledge and contribute without actually doing any of it themselves. I’m pretty certain I come down on the right side of that divide, although I’m always ready for someone I’ve slagged off to oust me unceremoniously!

ONE CHARITY THAT I HAVE SUPPORTED A LOT IS THE PRADER-WILLI SYNDROME FOUNDATION. A local lady from South London wrote me a letter asking me if I would lend my

support to a syndrome where people can’t stop eating… obviously some people might suggest I am afflicted by it myself! But no, it’s also tied in with learning disability, mainly affects children, and it’s a really, really difficult situation for the parents to face. Plus it’s also something again that most people would think, oh that sounds a bit,

y’know, not very glamorous and a bit odd and I’ll bypass that in aid of a fluffy kitten or a child.

The weird thing about charities these days is they’re like businesses vying for people’s money, and the PR element is really important. So when this woman wrote me a letter, she said “We cannot get anyone to support us, please, please, please, please”. I had to.

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN INTO THE ARTS. My mother was too, but only recently have I started appreciating elements outside of drama or comedy. In Dulwich Village I love going to the Picture Gallery. There is so much beautiful art there but I like it because it’s so middle-class, with all these yummy mummies, bluerinsed ladies and elderly gents. It’s a nice place to sit and watch the world go by. n

Wonders of the human body

Your body contains enough chlorine to disinfect five swimming pools. And enough carbon to make 9,000 pencils.

Your heartbeat syncs to the rhythm of the music you’re listening to. A study showed that crescendos led to a temporary increase in blood pressure and heart rate, which went back down during the decrescendo.

A full head of hair is strong enough to support the weight of two elephants.

The entire surface of your skin is replaced nearly once a month. That means you shed 30,000 to 40,000 skin cells per day.

SOURCE: BUZZFEED.COM/AUDREYWORBOYS/CRAZY-FACTS-HUMAN-BODY

MENINGITIS ADULTS CAN GET IT TOO

Now Mike is backing Meningitis Now’s ‘Adults Get it Too’ campaign, to raise awareness of the increased risk of this devastating disease among older adults.

“I went up to bed a little before my wife, Meg. I had been below par all day. I didn’t join my running group in the morning and cancelled my volunteering stint at the local theatre.

“My wife came upstairs to find me sprawled over the bed, sweating profusely and unconscious. She called the emergency services.

“This call certainly saved my life. How do you repay a debt like that? I was in a coma and on a ventilator at the Princess Royal University Hospital in Farnborough. I came to six days later.

MANY AFTER-EFFECTS

“I was profoundly deaf and wheelchair bound. My eyesight was impaired, and I was doubly incontinent. My legs ‘fizzed’ all the time.

“I was in hospital for seven months, the last 20 weeks being in rehab at Orpington Hospital.

Seventy-fouryear-old Mike, from Kent, fell ill with meningococcal meningitis in September 2018.

“The NHS were superb. They saved my life and have worked very hard on my rehabilitation. But it wasn’t enough. I needed more time in rehab and have gone backwards since leaving.

BACK HOME

“Since coming home I’m dependent on carers. This has been good for me but not for my wife and 28-year-old autistic son, Andrew.

“I’ve been told I will never walk again but I’m hoping that physio will help me get more independence.

“My worst problem seems to be neurological. My ‘fizzing’ legs have worsened and feel like they are burning and are about to explode.

“But I am lucky to be alive and see and hold my granddaughter Lexi born to my youngest daughter Maria and spend more time with family, with visits from my sister and nephews from Australia soon.

IMPROVE MY PHYSICAL CONDITION

“I hope to really get to grips with physio to improve my physical condition. Although I

feel I’ve gone backwards since the attack, I am alive and kicking and positive about the future.

“I want everyone to know that adults can get it too. This is the second time for me, so I know this especially well. Twentyfive years ago, I had viral meningitis from which I made a full recovery, but this time I have not been so lucky.

POSITIVE ABOUT MY FUTURE

“Meningitis has been a devastating experience, and I have lost a year of my life. But I’m still here and very positive about my future.

MENINGITIS – ADULTS GET IT TOO

Many people still believe that meningitis only affects babies and young children; this is not the case. Anyone can be affected by meningitis – but older adults, especially those over 65, face an increased risk, as our immune systems weaken as we get older.

Call 01453 768000 or visit www.meningitisnow.org/adults to request an awareness pack that includes a signs and symptoms card, leaflet and window sticker.

CURING THE INCURABLE:

MANIPULATING THE SPINE AND THE MEDICAL RULE BOOK

Where illnesses leave doctors stumped, chiropractic treatment can yield surprising results…

By Jamie Broadway nathan devery / a

Having won a Precious Award, honouring female entrepreneurs of colour, Janet Mohapi-Banks was riding high with her cake design business. She was a main supplier for weddings at The Ritz Hotel in Mayfair and was set to do her first event at The Savoy. However, behind closed doors and in between the champagne-flowing cake consultations, she was being held to ransom by her stomach as she had started vomiting every day with no apparent cause.

Unexpectedly throwing up in trains, restaurants and the homes of clients, it wasn’t long before Janet’s nauseous symptoms were forcing her to close down her acclaimed business. However, the sickness was fated to rage on as doctors struggled to fathom what was causing her daily vomiting.

Following various tests and having been referred to several specialists, Janet was eventually diagnosed with a condition so rare that it didn’t even have a name. She was informed by gastroenterologists that she was suffering from a digestive disorder similar to gastroparesis—a debilitating condition whereby the stomach falls into paralysis and is unable to empty itself, essentially starving the body of food. Most importantly, they found that no

Before chiropractic treatment, Janet Mohapi-Banks had accepted that she may die

electrical signals were reaching the stomach from the brain.

“I ate foods depending on how they would taste on the way back up. Chocolate and bacon were great, cheese and bread not so much,” Janet jokes. As with so many rare disease sufferers who are left at the mercy of their condition, Janet was forced to adapt and find her own coping mechanisms, saying, “I would carry around nappy sacks everywhere I went just in case.”

However, the harsh reality was that five years on, the symptoms had become so severe that she was increasingly bed bound, incapacitated through chronic

fatigue. Doctors were soon telling her that there was nothing else they could do and it started to dawn on her that she was dying. “I had to make arrangements for my kids,” she explains, “I had to accept that my life would be over soon.”

It was around this time that a friend recommended chiropractic treatment. Naturally, she was sceptical, seeing that she had been prescribed the most cuttingedge of treatments which had all consequently failed. However, through sheer desperation Janet decided to try it out.

“I remember the first time Janet rang me up,” says Jade Gillow-Hurd,

a chiropractor based in Cornwall, “She was emotional, upset and at her wits’ end.” On listening to her story, Jade made it clear that chiropractic treatment probably wouldn’t help, however, she was also mindful that there had been “anecdotal evidence” that spinal manipulation could help palliate gastric conditions if something was restricting the nerves which stimulate the digestive organs.

On Janet's first consultation, it became clear that things weren’t as they should be.

“Just by looking at her posture,

you could see that her spine wasn’t working properly at all,” says Jade. “Her head leaned forward and the middle of her T spine, the T6 (the nerve which innervates the stomach) was clearly under a lot of pressure.”

The initial spinal diagnosis was indicative of someone constantly hunched over in pain—or vomiting. However, as Jade later explains, it can also be down to incorrect posture such as sitting awkwardly at a desk or, in Janet's case, spending endless hours leaning over cakes and making decorative sugar flowers.

JUST BY LOOKING AT HER POSTURE, YOU COULD SEE THAT HER SPINE WASN'T WORKING PROPERLY AT ALL

Following two sessions in which Jade sought to gradually loosen the T6, amazingly, the vomiting

THE THORACIC VERTEBRAE T6

started to subside in intensity and frequency. However, it was what happened after the sixth session which will leave most medical professionals perplexed.

Janet recounts how she woke up in the middle of the night with a throbbing migraine and a sensation which, like many rare disease sufferers who have to come up with language to describe their symptoms, was like “lightning travelling up an oak tree”. The following day, she woke up pain free for the first time in over five years. And, following three more months of chiropractic, the vomiting had completely stopped. The incurable condition had seemingly been cured.

Many medical professionals will be quick to disregard this as anecdotal, seeking to find flaws in the story.

However, Julian Keel, a chiropractor based in Barnes, isn’t particularly phased when hearing about the case, saying, “improving someone’s health is about pulling on levers and chiropractic is one of those levers.”

Julian later clarifies the philosophy behind chiropractic treatment, saying that “if you get the body moving properly and the nervous system firing, then muscles, circulation and organs can function at an improved level.” He states that all this could potentially turn a situation around for someone. Janet, along with many others, are testament to this.

IMPROVING SOMEONE'S HEALTH IS ABOUT PULLING ON LEVERS, AND CHIROPRACTIC TREATMENT IS ONE OF THOSE LEVERS

In 2010, while out walking her dogs in the snow, author and social entrepreneur Marie Yates slipped and broke her coccyx. This was to be the start of two and a half years of agonising pain and extreme misery.

“I was in a very dark place,” says Marie. This is because in the wake of the tumble, Marie found that, due to the awkward location of the coccyx, everything from walking, sitting and lying down all proved excruciating. “I would take a book to the toilet,”

she laughs. “It was the only place I could sit in comfort because it has a huge hole”. The pain was having a profound effect on her life, as she was constantly exhausted due to the pain interrupting her sleep.

After a series of surgeries, which merely worsened her discomfort, Marie was referred for pain management therapy, where she was administered injections, which also failed. This is when she was recommended a McTimoney chiropractor by a friend.

Marie Yates was sceptical before treatment, but astounded by the results

Brooke Lowman was back in high heels just six months after treatment

“I was sceptical because nothing had helped. However, they literally put me back together.” Marie recounts how over the years, through attempts to inhibit the pain, she had actually done further damage. “I was constantly sitting on my hips trying to take the pressure off,” she says. “My pelvis had shifted, my hips had moved, my ankles were pretty inflamed, my spine was wonky. Everything had gone wrong as a result.”

Despite the failings of conventional medicine, Marie started to notice a difference after just four chiro sessions. And, by 2013, she found herself crossing the finishing line

at an Ironman Triathlon: a mindblowing achievement for someone who for years had suffered from limited mobility. “Chiropractors literally gave me back my life,” she exclaims.

Likewise, Brooke Lowman, a teacher from near Bournemouth, can also vouch for the benefits of chiropractic therapy. When she was 20, a ball came smashing into her knee while playing hockey, leaving her in agony and unable to play the sport.

“I could literally only wear trainers. I couldn’t wear high heels

or anything that was too flat as a result of the pain,” explains Brooke, who later says how she would often feel self-conscious when in evening social situations due to her compulsory footwear.

Even though she was limping and in constant pain, doctors repeatedly told her that there was nothing wrong with her knee and that it was merely a sports injury which would heal over time. However, it never did until she eventually turned to chiro—yet again as a last resort.

DESPITE

often comes down to who can afford it”. Despite this, he does state that chiropractic institutions are increasingly investing more money into research. However, he quickly adds that the research unfortunately tends to focus on muscular-skeletal issues alone.

Just like conventional medicine, chiropractic treatment may not help everyone. However, as these three cases go to show, there is definitely an argument for plugging more resources into chiropractic research. For Janet, she is most

WIDE-RANGING SUCCESS STORIES, THE

NHS STILL CLASSES CHIROPRACTIC THERAPY AS ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE

Six months later, she found herself wearing a pair of heels again, which was a liberating moment. Today, Brooke continues to be pain free and has returned to playing sports.

Despite these wide-ranging success stories along with the many other anecdotal cases of chiropractic helping ameliorate an array of chronic conditions from migraine to dementia, the NHS still classes chiropractic therapy as alternative medicine. This is largely down to a lack of medical research, which is notoriously costly.

As Julian Keel explains “research

certainly aware of how lucky she was to come across the therapy and truly understand how it works. Since returning to full health, she has retrained as a breakthrough coach, where she mentors highachieving entrepreneurs to smash through their personal glass ceilings. This is because she knows more than anyone about the perils of entrepreneurial success, having seen her own career wiped out by a likely work-related injury.

“I really appreciate my life now, because it was so nearly gone,” she concludes, “It’s why I do what I do today.” n

10%* o Bupa private health Insurance for Readers Digest readers

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Health insurance is an insurance policy that covers the eligible costs of private healthcare, from diagnosis to medical treatment for certain physical and mental conditions.

The benefits

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How Bupa can help

Bupa’s purpose is helping people live longer, healthier, happier lives. They cover a range of mental health conditions and can provide access to a nationwide network of clinical resources for physical problems.

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Pablo Vandenabeele, Clinical Director for Mental Health at Bupa UK.

Call 0808 271 1679^ today to request a quote or visit bupa.co.uk/readers-digest

^We may record or monitor our calls. Lines are open Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm and Saturday 9am to 12.30pm.

*Applies to eligible Readers Digest members on quotes for new Bupa By You policies. Discount will be reviewed on 10/09/2020 and any changes will apply to renewals and new quotes thereafter. Quotes are valid for 14 days. Terms and conditions apply †Direct Access telephone services are available as long as the symptoms are covered under the policy. If your cover excludes conditions you had before your policy started, we’ll ask you to provide evidence from your GP that your symptoms are not preexisting for a period of up to two years from policy start date (or five years in the case of mental health) before we can refer you to a consultant or therapist through the Direct Access service. For rolling moratorium underwritten members we will ask for evidence each time you claim for a condition not claimed for before. Always call us first to check your eligibility.

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6 HEALTH CHATS YOU NEED TO HAVE

Make sure you make time to speak with your nearest and dearest about the subjects we all too often avoid—our health

Susannah Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

Family medical history

Getting to know your family health history on both sides will help you manage your own health better. It will also help your children. Some conditions run in families, including diabetes, heart disease and some cancers. If you understand your risk, you can change your lifestyle, make sure you have screenings that could detect problems early, such as mammograms, and even look into genetic testing. Ask a few questions at your next family gathering—you might be surprised at what you find out.

Organ donation

Thousands of people in the UK are currently waiting for an organ transplant. Up until now, you have been expected to opt in to organ donation. However, the system is now changing and everyone who is eligible to donate will be assumed to give consent to their organs being used after death unless they opt out. Your family would still be approached for final approval, so it's important that you talk to loved ones about your wishes. Visit organdonation.nhs.uk

Mental health problems

Around one in four people in the UK experience a mental health problem every year, according to the charity Mind. Mental health and addiction can have genetic components, so it’s important to discuss it with your family. It may also help you and your loved ones get the right support.

Lasting power of attorney

Consider setting up a lasting power of attorney in case of an accident or illness which means you no longer have the mental capacity to manage your own affairs. It can cover decisions about health, welfare, property and financial affairs. You appoint one or more people to make these decisions on your behalf should it become necessary but can only be used if you are unable to make them yourself. Naturally, you’ll need to discuss this legal document with your

nearest and dearest, especially if they are appointed as your attorneys. Visit gov.uk/power-of-attorney

Advance care planning

It’s not nice to think about but it’s important to let those close to you know your wishes if you become very ill and unable to communicate. Do you want to die at home? Would you want to refuse treatment in certain circumstances? You can even discuss practical details, such as who looks after your dog if you fall ill. And, as you age, it may be a good idea to give written permission for a trusted member of your family to speak to your GP on your behalf, as data protection legislation can make that difficult otherwise.

Grudges, grievances and unspoken family secrets

Forgiving, apologising or simply getting difficult issues and past mistakes out in the open can lift a real burden. Don’t leave it too late and then live with guilt or regret. And, if possible and appropriate, don’t die without telling important truths, such as letting your adult child know who their biological father is. It’s important to find peace and to try and set your house in order for the sake of you and those around you. n

For more weekly health tips and stories, sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk

Top Tips For Running Errands

You’ve heard of spring cleaning your house, but how about reorganising the way you do everyday tasks?

Group your errands The golden rule is never to run one errand at a time. If you have to drop someone off, go to the cash point and pop into the supermarket while you’re about it. It’ll save time and stress.

Keep an errand hub in your home

Have one place—preferably near the front door—where you put everything that needs to be taken somewhere. If your library book, dry cleaning and letters to be posted are kept together, it will help you group your errands.

Buy in bulk

Rather than grab a few bits and pieces at a time, try to buy staple items in bulk. Making sure you have plenty of loo paper, cat litter, toothpaste etc in stock will mean less time spent running errands.

Build in a little fun

List the things you enjoy—whether it’s reading a novel, doing the crossword or hitting a few golf balls. Include one of these activities on any extended errand run. Read your novel in the Post Office queue; do a couple of crossword clues while waiting to pick up a family member; or ride your bike to the shops and take a quick detour to a local park.

Keep a to-do list on you at all times

Carry a little notebook and use it to note not just errands, but also little jobs you keep forgetting, such as making an optician’s appointment or searching for organic potting compost.

Carry out tasks mindfully Rein in your racing mind and focus on the job in hand. Start by walking slowly and deliberately to and from your car to the shops. While you're shopping, try to focus on the colours and shapes of the produce and the delicious scents from the bakery. Notice each movement you make. By living in the moment—even while selecting potatoes—you are engaging in walking meditation, which will make you calmer and less exhausted.

Ask The Expert: Hearing

Audiologist Paul Checkley is the clinical director of London’s largest independent hearing clinic, Harley Street Hearing (harleysthearing.co.uk)

How did you come to be a hearing expert? I have a Master’s in Audiology. After working as a clinical scientist in audiology in the NHS, I moved on to work for a hearing aid manufacturer. But I missed my clinical work, so I decided to go into partnership with a colleague and set up Harley Street Hearing.

What are the main causes of hearing loss? The two main ones are agerelated and noise-induced. Agerelated hearing loss comes about when the inner ear—the organ of hearing—doesn’t work as well, but there could be some other cause, such as a middle-ear issue that might be treatable with an operation. The main thing is to get a hearing test.

Why is it important to tackle it? On average people wait 15 years before doing something. But people do better with hearing aids if they start wearing them early. You need to keep the auditory nerve which carries sounds to the brain stimulated with input. Also, hearing loss can make you

isolated and depressed. There’s a strong association between untreated hearing loss and the onset and progress of dementia. These days there’s amazing new technology with some hearing aids being completely invisible.

What steps can people take to preserve their hearing? There is a genetic predisposition to agerelated hearing loss. But noise damage is preventable. In noisy environments you should wear ear protectors and don’t listen to headphones at top volume.

What can they do if they are already becoming deaf? If you think you might have hearing loss—you turn the television up too loud, you ask people to repeat themselves more often, it’s more difficult to communicate in restaurants and at parties—then you probably have. But for all types of hearing loss there are usually solutions. You don’t have to accept that as you get older, your hearing will go. n

A Test Of Ethics

Dr Max Pemberton considers the dichotomy of our views on animal cruelty

Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full time in mental health for the NHS. His new book, The Marvellous Adventure of Being Human, is out now

Sinclair is dead. I realise this as I walk towards him and see his motionless body floating upside down in the water. His head is resting in some weed and his eyes are staring blankly. I stare mournfully at him for a few moments, blaming myself that he’s died. Racked with guilt, convinced that this is in some way my fault, I can’t bare to look at him any longer, so I leave the body where it is, and make a cup of tea instead.

I’ve known him for nearly four years, and we’d become rather close. I think he’d taken the move to my new flat harder than he’d let on, but then again it was always hard to tell with him exactly what was going on inside his head. Goldfish are like that: pretty tricky to gauge precisely how they’re feeling.

Half an hour later I’ve composed myself enough to be able to gently lift his body out of the water, unceremoniously plop him into the toilet, and flush. Goodbye, Sinclair. For the next few days, every time I walked past his bowl, I’d feel sad. I missed him. The British, it’s often said, are a nation of animal lovers. When I was at school, I had a Saturday job in a local vet, and would spend hours trying to console people

after their dog or cat had been put down. For them, their pets were an integral part of their family, and losing one was like losing a relative. But our relationship with animals is complicated. Those that we allow to get close to us, that we share our lives with, are given special treatment and this sits uncomfortably with the role that many animals play in modern society.

Our anthropomorphic tendencies are, by necessity, selective. Without animals, we wouldn’t have advances in surgery or in medicine. We condemn animal cruelty if it concerns certain types of animals, while we accept the necessity that other species of animals may have to suffer so that we can live better, more comfortable lives. Most of us see no irony in loving one specific animal, such as a pet dog, while eating others. This is clear speciesism, but without it, we’d face some very difficult questions indeed. I often think that the success of animal charities is due, in part, to our collective guilt for the way that we know animals suffer in our name.

Humans, unlike other animals, have the ability to hold in our mind multiple competing views of the world at any one time.

I hate the idea of any living creature suffering, but I have to prioritise the suffering of humans, so happily prescribe medication that I know

have been developed by testing and experimenting on animals. I’m pleased there are drugs to treat conditions such as Parkinson’s and when faced with someone paralysed by the condition, I defy anyone not to hand over the tablets that will help them to live normal lives again. But perhaps there needs to be a shift

I HATE THE IDEA OF ANY LIVING CREATURE

THE SUFFERING OF HUMAN BEINGS SUFFERING, BUT I HAVE TO PRIORITISE

in the way we view animal testing; that it’s a necessity, but one that should be viewed with more gravity. Perhaps it should be reserved for treatments for which there is a clear need, rather than merely to license another drug which adds little to the pharmacopoeia, but which increases drug company profits.

I’m able to put on hold my ethical concerns regarding animal testing because of the acute reality of suffering when faced with a sick patient, so I know it’s daft for me to get upset about a dead goldfish. But I couldn’t help it; after all, I’m only human. n

The Doctor Is In

Dr Max Pemberton

Q: I’m long past my menopause, but recently I’ve been struggling with mood swings—one minute I’m up, the other I’m down and I can’t be bothered to do anything. What could be causing it? —Sonia, 68

A: Thanks for getting in touch. It seems that these mood swings are out of character and it’s understandable that this is perplexing. Mood swings can be a symptom of many things. You mention the menopause and certainly some people report mood swings associated with changes in hormone levels, but as you’re past the menopause, I don’t think this would be an explanation. Other hormones, such as thyroid, can also cause this and this can be checked with blood tests.

There are a host of psychological reasons that people’s mood goes up and down, such as stress and anxiety. Mood swings are also characteristic of some mental illnesses. Bipolar affective disorder (also known as manic

depression) for example, where people experience extremes of mood. However, it would be unusual for this to start in someone your age.

What you actually describe in your letter though, is being cheerful one minute and then not being bothered to do anything. This apathy is called “avolition” and a symptom of depression. People often mistake depression for feeling sad all the time. Sometimes this is how it affects people, but often it’s a feeling of emptiness or lack of interest. Interestingly, depression often manifests itself in this way in older people. Whether or not you’re depressed would need to be explored during assessment with a mental health professional. It’s worth seeing your GP and asking to see someone to explore this a bit further. Good luck and do let us know how things go. n

Got a health question for our resident doctor? Email it confidentially to askdrmax@ readersdigest.co.uk

How To Remember Poetry

Learning poems is good for the soul —and the brain—says our memory expert, Jonathan Hancock

“ I

wonder, by my troth, what thou and I did till we loved”

Those are the first words of a poem by John Donne that I learned at school— and I still know the whole thing today. It’s just one of many poems I’ve stored in my memory, ready to recite and relish whenever I please.

Poetry learning has gone out of fashion, but I’m still a fan because it doesn’t just breed a lifelong love of poetry. It also boosts confidence and builds lasting memory skills.

So why not dig out a poem you love, or find a new favourite, and use it to exercise and enrich your recall?

Step 1. Let poems teach you about learning Poems are designed to stick in your mind, so spot the tricks poets use—rhythm, rhyme and repetition. See how they leave you with memoryjogging images, surprise you by

breaking the rules, and manipulate your senses and emotions. These are all great ways to make information more memorable.

Step 2. Learn through links Memory relies on connections. When you’re learning a poem, try linking the last word of one line to the first word of the next. In my John Donne poem, one line ends with “see”, and the next starts with “which”, so I pictured a “sea witch”. Making links like these can also help with learning names, and many other kinds of information.

Step 3. Put in a performance

When you’re practising a poem, read it aloud, as dramatically and emotionally as you can. Adding hand gestures and moving around the room should also strengthen your learning.

Step 4. Enjoy yourself Learning poems gives your memory a workout, improves your mood, and gets you into good learning habits—so reap the rewards! Have fun putting rhymes into your shopping list, using rhythm to learn names, or “performing” revision notes before an exam.

Follow these steps to make poetry yours to enjoy wherever you are, and, in the process, you’ll be making your memory stronger for everything. n

Jonathan’s new book, The Study Book, is out now from John Murray Learning

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The Tattooed Cookbook

Harry Harris takes a loving look at the cookbook as we know it and reasons why we should all delve into the joy of writing all over it, hence, prolonging its centuries-old history

rowing up, our shelves were full of cookbooks, and each cookbook, full of my mum’s handwriting. Dates when recipes had been cooked, who they’d been cooked for, whether or not they were any good, any alterations that had to be made (“too salty,” “double the recipe,” “didn’t have this, used that instead”). Where other forms of literature can feel rarefied, even precious to some, cookbooks are ripe for this kind of vandalism.

Truth be told, the amount of cookbooks I have on my shelves far outweigh the amount of time I have to make the recipes on the folded down pages within them, but the ones I go back to are obvious before you even turn to them—crinkled paper, stain-splattered, and annotated. I’ve halved the amount of crème fraîche in a leek gratin recipe from Rukmini Iyers’ The Green Roasting Tin. I’ve added sumac to the spice mix for a carrot and chickpea salad from Ruby Tandoh’s Flavour. I’ve scratched out the ingredient “smoked water” from a recipe in Anna Jones’ The Modern Cook’s Year. For better or worse, the cookbooks I own are owned by nobody else.

If you do this too, and feel guilty about scratching through thoroughly

tested recipes or messing up beautiful paper stock, you needn’t—the practice of annotating cookbooks is intrinsic to the experience of reading, and indeed, using them. Often annotations can provide a window into the owner’s life. British cookbook author Elizabeth David, whose library is available to look through at The Guildhall in London, would write acerbic, often damning notes in the books she acquired. Beside a recipe entitled “Italian Salad” in a book called Ulster Fare published by the Belfast Women’s Institute Club, David wrote: “Sounds just about the most revolting dish ever devised.” The recipe itself amounted to a mixture of cooked pasta, tinned pears, raw carrot, minced onion, string beans and French dressing, so who are we to argue?

There’s a school of thought that places cookbooks in the same category as textbooks. A purely utilitarian form of literature whose only use is for us to make the recipes within it. In an era where so many people get recipes online, or where recipe boxes like HelloFresh or SimplyCook will send you pre-measured, pre-portioned step-by-step guides to your weekly dinners, the cookbook has been called into question. “Recipes are dead,” American chef Tyler

cooks have sought their own ways to fix, improve, or rate the quality of those recipes,” says Dr Ian Mosby, Assistant Professor of History at Canada's Ryerson University, “I think this dates back to the very origins of cookbooks.” Indeed, he’s also wrong in suggesting that cookbooks have historically only been vehicles for recipes—Mrs Beeton’s famous Book of Household Management from 1861, an influence on everyone from Delia Smith to Nigella Lawson, placed recipes alongside advice on

"“food and our personal and collective identities are so deeply intertwined that it shouldn't come as a surprise that cooking is often a powerful form of storytelling "

Florence told The Washington Post back in 2017, announcing he’ll no longer be printing any cookbooks himself. “They're dead the same way paper maps are dead… I'll publish a cookbook and I'll have 125 recipes. People only use five. They'll use those as a sort of a guide that they'll kind of interchange different ingredients with."

True to his word, Florence hasn’t published a cookbook since 2014. However, he’s wrong in the intimation that this way of using cookbooks—to edit and alter to the taste of the user—is a new thing. “Since people started writing recipes,

how to deal with bad dreams and how to calculate income tax, among other helpful tips.

The other issue with Florence’s assessment of how presumably he wants people to use his cookbooks, ie, making multiple items from it strictly to the letter, is that it ignores the narrative quality the food has. “Food and our both personal and collective identities are so deeply intertwined that it shouldn't come as a surprise that cooking is often a powerful form of storytelling,” Dr Mosby says, and often this is illuminated and built upon by annotations. “[Annotations] are

deeply personal and it's one of the reasons why cookbooks are often handed down within families. In many cases they are the only written records we have from our loved ones.”

Kate Young’s books are built on this relationship between food and narrative. An awardwinning food writer and one half of luxury catering company Food By Feast (with fellow food writer and cook Olivia Potts), her books The Little Library Cookbook, The Little Library Year and the forthcoming

The Little Library Christmas take passages from novels that feature food—Ishmael and Queequeg salivating over the Clam Chowder in Moby Dick, or Mrs Beaver’s Marmalade Roll from The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe—and turn them into recipes, accompanied by beautiful photography and equally beautiful prose introductions.

“My favourite cookbooks are ones that feel like literature,” Kate tells me, “And I think that food is storytelling, because you talk about class and culture and what we spend our time doing

Kate Young

TV Chef Madhur Jaffrey started an Indian restaurant in New York and caring about and people that we sit around the table with and all sorts of other things.” And yet, despite how wonderful her books are to read and look at, that should be no impediment to making them your own. “I would be absolutely chuffed about someone annotating my books,” she adds, “Something about annotating cookbooks says to me, 'not only do I enjoy cooking this thing, I’m going to do it again.' I feel OK about writing in them and annotating them and them getting beaten up or covered in gravy or whatever else needs to happen to them for it to be cooking.”

Maybe then it’s better to see cookbooks not as textbooks, but as choose-your-own-adventure stories, where interaction isn’t so much finding the correct answer as it is deciding a path to take and seeing where it might lead.

“They invite conversation,” Kate says, and implicit in conversation is talking back, exchanging something with the author, and maybe

exchanging something with a version of yourself in the future.

Ella Risbridger, author of Midnight Chicken, one of the Sunday Times' Cookbooks of the Year in 2019, is another avid recipe annotator, something that runs in the family. “Every cookbook in my parents house has the date of every time they cook the recipe. It's like a little diary,” she pauses to pull an old collection of recipes her parents had given her when she left for university from her shelf, with their annotations down

matter what pen or pencil you were using. It was really important to me that you could write in it in pen or pencil and it wouldn’t slide off.”

Midnight Chicken is another book that foregrounds its literary qualities as well as its culinary ones, its genesis being Ella’s blog, "Eating With My Fingers." Dr Mosby sees the growth of recipe blogs as a natural extension of the inclination to make recipes our own, saying “people have tried to make what was once deeply personal much more public and, in

"“It's better to see cookbooks not as textbooks but as choose-your-own-adventure stories where you decide on a path and see where it might lead "

the side, and flicks to the first page. “It says: 'Mum's best curry. Was going to write out for you, remembered you have book, page 79, Curry Bible by Madhur Jaffrey', and then underneath that my mother has written in quotes: 'Quite simply the best curry I have had anywhere anytime. Wow. 15th April 2006.' It’s a habit she’s carried into her life. I see cookbooks, and in fact all books, as a working document, really.” When it came to planning Midnight Chicken she wanted to allow readers to do the same: “I specifically wrote in the introduction: please write in this cookbook. It took a really long time to find paper that would work no

the process, have often foregrounded the stories of cooking rather than just the recipes themselves,” and Ella’s work is a testament to that development. Alongside recipes for blondies, pies, and probably the only roast chicken recipe you’ll ever need, Ella talks about how cooking lifted her out of depression, about her friends (Carbonara for Caroline, for author Caroline O’Donoghue, Marky Market’s Creamed Leeks, for her former landlord and current butcher, Beginners Chicken Curry for Harry Harris, for, uh, me), and throughout about her partner John, The Tall Man, who died before the book was

"“Sometimes i wonder what i'm buying when i buy cookbooks: is it inspiration to do something i haven't done before or permission to indulge in a hobby "

published, and to whom the book is dedicated.

Sometimes I wonder what I’m buying when I buy cookbooks. Is it inspiration to do something I’ve not done before, or permission to give myself the time to indulge in a hobby—I can’t envisage a scenario when cooking will be anything other than that to me. Ella sums up her own mantra on food writing simply with “writing about food is writing about being alive,” so maybe that’s what I’m buying, and what we all are: writing about being alive. When we write

in them ourselves, we’re doing the same: acknowledging the fact that we are, and how important food is to the life we want to lead. n

Ella Risbridger

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Artistic INSPIRATIONS

These scenic British locations inspired works of art made by some of the world's greatest artistic talents

By Anna Walker

The Hay Wain by John Constable (1821)

FLATFORD, RIVER STOUR, SUFFOLK

Owned by the Constable family for centuries, the Flatford corn water mill was a familiar scene in renowned landscape artist John Constable’s Suffolk childhood. Lying on the River Stour on the border of Suffolk and Essex, the mill is now a Grade I listed building and managed by the National Trust.

The house to the left of the canvas belonged to the family’s neighbour, Willy Lott, who was rumoured to have never left the house of his birth for more than four days at a time. Critics have suggested that the wagon would have stopped at the ford in order to cool the legs of its horses. Constable made detailed sketches at the site, and completed the painting in his London studio.

Regarded as Constable’s most famous painting, and indeed, one of the most famous artworks in Britain, the canvas is one of his “sixfooters”, and can be seen at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. nationaltrust.org.uk/flatford

Dew-Drenched Furze by Sir John Everett Millais (1889) MURTHLY ESTATE, PERTHSHIRE, SCOTLAND

Considered a child prodigy by his contemporaries, and now revered as one of Britain’s greatest artists, Sir John Everett Millais settled in Perth, Scotland following his marriage to John Ruskin’s former wife, Effie Gray.

In Scotland, he painted a number of works inspired by the country’s often treacherous terrain. Dew-Drenched Furze is notably abstract in terms of the Millais’ oeuvre and it captures the glossy dew that had blanketed the gorse in the grounds of the Murthly

Estate. The artist’s son, Geoffrey, claimed in his biography of his father that Millais was attempting to portray something “unpaintable”.

Today visitors to the estate can enjoy walking or cycling through the grounds, to rediscover the spot that inspired Millais over 100 years ago. You can also follow in the artist’s footsteps by fishing for salmon on the River Tay—one of his favourite winter hobbies.

murthly-estate.com

Charing Cross Bridge by Camille

Pissarro (1890)

CHARING CROSS BRIDGE, LONDON

The Danish-French artist Camille Pissarro is considered by many to have been the first Impressionist artist and was the only painter to show his work at all eight of the infamous Paris Impressionist exhibitions.

At the dawn of the Franco-Prussian war in 1870, Pissarro moved his family to London, where he created some of his most striking works. Among them, this beautiful scene of Charing Cross bridge. The painting captures the Houses of Parliament, Cleopatra’s Needle and other landmarks still present today.

Now known as Hungerford, today the bridge looks very different, but the viewpoint is the same, and it’s a delight to see the landscape and Pissarro’s painting side by side, and marvel at the change less than 150 years can bring—including the addition of the London Eye to the skyline.

Raby Castle, the Seat of the Earl of Darlington by JMW Turner (1818)

RABY CASTLE, COUNTY DURHAM

Turner painted this commission for the third Earl of Darlington at a time when he specialised in topographical views. In reference to the Earl’s penchant for hunting, the original piece included a mounted fox huntsman in the foreground. However, after hearing it described as a “detestable fox-hunting scene” following its first exhibition at the Royal Academy, Turner proceeded to paint over the figure entirely. First built for the Viking King Cnut in

the 11th century, the castle in its current form was erected in the 14th century. Visitors to the fortress today can enjoy its thousand-year history through tours of the castle and grounds.

To see the castle from Turner’s vantage point, you need to head to nearby Staindrop, where you can take in the wider grounds and woodland beyond. raby.co.uk

Farm at Watendlath by Dora Carrington (1921)

WATENDLATH, CUMBRIA

“One can’t help liking her,” Virginia Woolf wrote in her diary of artist Dora Carrington—known to all simply as Carrington, and indeed she had many friends in high places. But despite her close association with the Bloomsbury Set and in particular her long relationship with Lytton Strachey, her work received no fame or exhibitions in her lifetime.

After her marriage to Ralph Partridge, the newly married Carrington spent the summer holidays in the Lake District with her husband and friends.

According to the Tate, critics have suggested that the landscape was deliberately curved by the artist in order to mirror the female body, and that the two figures could be interpreted as contemplating their own femininity.

The small hamlet of Watendlath along with the farm where Carrington painted her scene is now owned by the National Trust and makes a scenic tea-and-cake stop off for visitors to the Lake District. Beware if you travel by road—the drive to the hamlet involves some of the twistiest roads in Cumbria.

LIVERPOOL QUAY

Presently home to Liverpool’s gallery district, the Quay has had its roots in art for years, including this strikingly atmospheric oil painting by John Atkinson Grimshaw.

Now widely considered the most accomplished night scene painter of the Victorian era, Grimshaw was in fact met with considerable criticism from his contemporaries, some of whom deemed his work too realistic to

be considered art. What makes Grimshaw’s work all the more impressive is that he was entirely selftaught, having initially made his living as a railway clerk.

Visitors to the Quay today can still enjoy a bustling night life, with boats in the dock and crowds spilling out from late night showings at the Tate Liverpool or Maritime Museum. visitliverpool.com

Liverpool Quay by Moonlight by John Atkinson Grimshaw (1887)

Beach at Dusk, St Ives Harbour by William Evelyn Osborn (1895)

ST IVES HARBOUR, CORNWALL

Little is known of the oil painter William Evelyn Osborn, the London-native who lived and worked in St Ives for many years. It is known however, that he faced much hardship during his short

life—Osborn died aged just 38, reportedly from a pain relief overdose, on account of his chronic facial neuralgia. The painter was known to struggle financially, frequently exchanging his artwork for lodging or sustenance. St Ives has long attracted communities of artists, and is now home to the Tate St Ives, only further cementing its artistic reputation. The harbour depicted by Osborn is something of a jewel in the area—a sandy beach that perfectly shelters sunbathers from the seaside winds. In the evenings, the lights still stretch their warm glow across the water, just as they do in Osborn’s atmospheric painting. stives-cornwall.co.uk

Have you visited a location that inspired a painting? Email readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk and let us know

If I Ruled The World Pat Metheny

Pat Metheny is a legendary American jazz guitarist, who has won 20 Grammy awards and collaborated with everyone from Herbie Hancock to Joni Mitchell

I would create a culture where genuine expertise is valued and embraced rather than treated with scorn and suspicion. The era of “gut” feelings versus actual knowledge would officially end.

Every resource would be dedicated to improving education.

Compensation for teachers at all levels would become equal or higher to salaries found in financial or engineering vocations to attract the kind of talented people who might otherwise look to more lucrative jobs.

Ignorance and prejudice would be eliminated through culture and education and never again allowed to be framed under the auspices of faux wisdom or insight. This would especially apply to the issues of climate change and race relations among people.

I would attempt to create a world where everyone is encouraged to appreciate the unique reality of our existence fully, just as it is. What is right in front of us is amazing enough without our egotistical human need

to make up stories about the things that remain outside of our understanding. There is no need to try to square the truths uncovered in the modern era with ancient mythology; our future potential is wildly more interesting than the unrequited love of our past.

Budgeting for defence shall never be greater than that devoted to science, issues of world hunger and medical research. Many of the most basic things (consciousness itself, for example) remain largely hidden beyond the limits of our meagre and still evolving human comprehension. By the way of the scientific method we are making gradual progress in our sense of the universe.

I’d eliminate the disrespectful usage of music as background sound everywhere. Not on hold with your bill collectors or airlines. Never in restaurants. Never anywhere where groups of people gather and are likely to be assaulted by musical choices not of their own desire. Every melody, every chord, every rhythm is precious and deserves consideration. To encourage its presence unacknowledged is to deafen people to the power and value of music.

There would be a 10,000-year moratorium on the 15 Christmas carols that are foisted upon us every single year from November to

January. If we have to have them at all, I would commission various artists to write new ones every year.

I would mandate all individuals have the right to decide what—if any, of their output, art, writings or anything else—gets posted on social media platforms. Let the person invoked by name review it first and then decide about releasing it. The premise of these multi-billion dollar media companies claiming so much gets posted every day that they couldn’t possibly review it all, is BS. Let us decide. We are their source of profit. At the very least, we should be able to curate our own presence in the world.

Emergency room workers and paramedics would be regarded as the heroes they are, have lots more time off, and have their salaries immediately tripled.

I would change everyone’s attitude towards history to consider our actions over the past 300,000 years on the planet as a species. Let’s scrutinise which of our relatively primitive impulses still guide us in this vastly different world we now inhabit and adjust accordingly. n

As told to Eva Mackevic

Pat Metheny’s new album, From This Place, is out now on Nonesuch Records

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Europe’s villages are in rapid decline, but one man’s example shows there’s a way to halt rural decay

THE VILLAGE

THAT BOUNCED BACK

by Tim Hulse

photographs by Antoine Doyen

The first thing you notice is the buzzing. As you wander the lanes of Saint-Pierre-de-Frugie, there’s a constant background hum as bees feast on the nectar of the many lavender plants and other perennials in its well-kept roadside flowerbeds. But it’s not just bees that are attracted to this tiny village that nestles in the rolling hills of Dordogne, central France. Tourists come to walk the surrounding hiking trails. And as the building work currently being carried out on some of its properties attests, others are increasingly coming here to set down roots.

This seeming rural idyll is the work of one man, Gilbert

Village revival: residents Louise and Joppe stop to chat with a visitor; Frédérik grows 50 varieties of vegetable in his kitchen garden; Marie was drawn to the village by its sustainable approach

Chabaud, a retired car salesman who has seemingly found an answer to the scourge of depopulation that continues to afflict Europe’s rural areas. A sprightly 75-yearold, Chabaud was born in the neighbouring village and has witnessed first-hand a slow exodus. In 2008 he was elected mayor of the local area.

“I didn’t want to be mayor,” he says, as he sits enjoying a carrot quiche in Saveurs et Valeurs, the village’s thriving restaurant. “I’d never thought about it, but friends persuaded me to put myself forward.”

To his surprise, he was elected, and now receives a less-than-princely salary of 600 euros a month. But the money isn’t important to Chabaud. He’s a man on a mission: to breathe new life into the place he loves.

“When I was elected, there were no businesses, no restaurants, no school,” he says, with a typical Gaelic shrug. “The question was: what could I do to stop the village dying and to make people come here and stay?”

The problem Chabaud faced is a common one across Europe. According to a recent policy brief by the European Observation Network for Territorial Development and Cohesion (ESPON), the population of Europe’s urban regions is projected to increase by 24.1 million by 2050, meaning around

Gilbert Chabaud, a retired car salesman and now mayor of Saint-Pierre-de-Frugie

half of all Europeans will be living in towns and cities. Meanwhile, the rural population in Europe is expected to decrease yet further, by 7.9 million.

The report paints a vivid picture of a downward spiral, where a declining population results in a growing mismatch between the supply and demand of services. As a result of a weak local economy, services become under-used, poorly maintained, often unviable and are then withdrawn. Local living conditions and the quality of life deteriorate, unemployment rises and skilled labour becomes scarce.

Various solutions have been

HQ. At that time, the Mairie was just a small room of 160 square feet. Now it’s an impressive building with a large reception area. Next came some sprucing-up. The locals chipped in

“WHEN I WAS ELECTED, THE QUESTION WAS WHAT COULD I DO TO STOP THE VILLAGE DYING?”

In Italy, whole villages are being turned into collective hotels in a concept known as the “albergo diffuso”. In Spain, the Living Villages project offers support to those who are planning to move to the countryside, including help finding property, work and social contacts. While in both Spain and Italy, the arrival of migrants is also helping to boost the dwindling rural population.

In Saint-Pierre-de-Frugie, Chabaud has found an answer all of his own. Since his election, the local population has increased, from 360 to more than 460. What’s more, there’s now a local grocery shop, the restaurant and a school, where before there were none. So how did he do it?

As he moves on to a main course of pasta and ham, Chabaud recounts his early days as mayor. The first thing he did, he says, was to overhaul his own

with their own money to restore the local church and chapel and help with other community projects.

“There was no big plan,” he says. “I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do, but mainly things happened step by step.”

An early decision was to ban the use of pesticides. This was not just good news for the local insect population, but also for lovers of organic produce.

“I wasn’t always interested in ecology—it’s not so easy when you’re a car salesman!” he laughs. “But living in the countryside, I always had something of an ecological sensibility. All I really wanted to do was to improve the villagers' quality of life.”

Next came a shared vegetable garden established on organic principles and open to all. It sits on a small rise on the outskirts of the village and is not only a source of fruit and vegetables for the villagers but also helps to create a sense of community. And it has an suggested to halt such decline. For example, 2170 miles northeast of here, the small town of Lormes in Burgundy is a test bed for a new digital future for Europe’s villages based on attracting e-businesses and providing web-based services for residents.

educational purpose: school groups come every Friday to learn the principles of organic cultivation.

Chabaud also reopened the hiking trails that wind around the village,

“WE WANTED TO BE MORE CONNECTED TO NATURE. IT’S A TOTALLY NEW LIFE FOR US HERE”

and, slowly but surely, tourists began to come. But they had nowhere to get a drink or a bite to eat. So Chabaud and his team renovated a building to house the new restaurant where he sits today.

The restaurant is run by Yann Ducatteuw and Delphine Gazi, a Belgian couple who moved to SaintPierre-de-Frugie a year ago. Back in Belgium, Yann had a well-paid job as an environment consultant for SMEs, while Delphine had a thriving osteopathy business.

But they were looking for something more in their lives, so when a friend told them about the village, they came to have a look and decided it was somewhere to put down roots.

“We wanted to be more connected to nature,” says Yann. “In Belgium there are a lot of people and a lot of traffic jams. Here it’s so quiet, so green. It’s a totally new life for us, and the mayor is part of this new life. He’s the person who creates the dynamic in the village.”

The restaurant serves tasty bistro dishes made from local organic produce. The village shop is another of Gilbert’s initiatives. Local producers said it was too expensive to open one, so Chabaud leased them a building. Now, people come from all around to do their shopping. All the shop’s products are organic, and most are produced nearby, including meat, seasonal vegetables and even soap.

As word gradually spread about the village, first in the surrounding region and then in France’s national press and on TV, it began to attract outsiders, just like Yann and Delphine, who were looking for a life closer to nature.

Chabaud explains that those who have moved to the village tend to be in their late thirties or early forties and usually work from home. He cites a photographer, a costume designer and a tapestry maker as examples.

Walking down the street we bump into Louise Stoddard and Joppe Louwrier, an Anglo-Dutch couple who recently moved here with their children from New York. Louise had

Clockwise, from above: Saint-Pierre’s well-kept flowerbeds are a magnet for bees; a family home under construction; the village’s organic shop is a local hub

a job at the United Nations, but now she’s a freelance charity consultant.

“The big city was never really for us and we had a dream about coming back to Europe and putting down roots in a place that fit our philosophy,” she says. “We’ve both been quite strong activists in the environmental movement for a long time.”

“We’re happy for ourselves but we’re mainly happy for our children,” adds Joppe. “You can see them flowering and being joyous. They’re completely different children now.”

“I’ve been working a lot on climate change issues and to see things in action is really great,” continues Louise. “People are not just being armchair activists but are actually changing their lives and showing that it is possible. That’s really inspiring and something that we wanted to be part of.”

Louise and Joppe speak only rudimentary French, and they’re cycling off for a lesson. “There’s a guy in the village who gives us lessons for free,” says Joppe. “There’s a real sense of community here.”

Just around the corner, Marie Meunier is also settling into a new home in the village, having recently moved here from Belgium, although there’s still much work to be done on the old building she’s restoring with her husband.

For a long time the couple had planned to live a self-sustainable

lifestyle and they travelled all over France to find somewhere to settle before discovering SaintPierre-de-Frugie.

“We liked the mayor because of his attitude to ecology and the environment,” says Marie. “We told him about our project and he found us a house.”

They now draw their water from a nearby spring, and solar panels in the front garden provide their energy. A large vegetable plot to the rear will soon provide them with food to live the self-sufficient life they long for.

However, if Marie is ever short of vegetables, she can always call on Frédérik Anciot, who cultivates a 5.5-squaremile plot of land that he leases from the municipality. He grows around 50 varieties of vegetable according to organic principles and sells his produce to the villagers and at local markets.

He moved here last June from Brittany in northwest France, where, he says, the land has been “devastated” by intensive agriculture and woodland is disappearing. “Here I can sit drinking my coffee in the morning and I see trees,” he says, smiling. “And beyond them I see yet more trees.”

Frédérik and his partner have a nine-year-old son, and one of the principal reasons they chose Saint-

Céline Plancher, head teacher at the village’s new Montessori school

Pierre-de-Frugie—as with many of the other newcomers with small children—was its Montessori school.

This is another of Gilbert’s projects. Having realised the government wouldn’t reopen the village school, he looked for an alternative and found it when he met Céline Plancher.

Formerly a teacher in traditional schools in the south of France, she’d studied the Montessori method and was searching for a place to put her teaching into practice. Then she heard about Chabaud and went to see him.

“It was a good meeting,” she smiles, as she sits slightly uncomfortably

on one of the kid-sized chairs in the school, which is just across the road from the restaurant. It opened with six pupils in 2016 and now has 22, from age three to 11, and Céline has a staff of three.

“The village is beautiful, and there’s an ideology of nature being very important and of taking care of everything around us,” she says. “The parents in the village are newcomers and have come here because of what the mayor is doing. I get calls from people who say they’re planning to move to the village because of its respect for nature and also because they want to put their children in the school—everything is connected. What the mayor started ten years ago, the fruits are growing now.”

And indeed Chabaud is still thinking about the future. A new secondary school opened last fall, which also runs on alternative lines, and caters for children over the age of 11. And the next step, he says, is to make the village self-sufficient in both food and energy, installing solar panels on all the public buildings.

So does he think the rest of France, or perhaps the rest of Europe, can learn from what he has done? “My aim is not to be a lesson to others,” he shrugs modestly. “I only think of my own village. It’s not just an ecological project, it’s about creating new jobs, making better food, creating a better system for living. And the facts are proving me right.” n

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One of the busiest cities in Africa, Marrakech makes for a colourful holiday—if visitors can keep up with its ever-bustling pace

By Anna Walker

There’s an old saying in Morocco, that the first thing a visitor to Marrakech will smell is orange blossom. That the lilt of the nation’s favourite fruit would reach them before the sight of the souks, the leaves of the palm trees or the distant Atlas Mountains. Such a romantic notion is slightly hard to fathom in modern-day Marrakech, where the fumes of cars and scooters rule supreme, but orange trees do still line almost every street. Passers-by pluck them from the branches and stow them in pockets.

Marrakech is a thoroughly

industrious city, and yet it manages its incessant busyness with a nod to the magic of its traditions, the lore that it has created around itself. Boys blast rap music as they ride their BMXs around the main square, Jemaa el-Fnna—where older men, perhaps their uncles or father—sell spices and freshly dyed leather and charm snakes. A quad biking guide has one hand on his handlebars, another clutching an iPhone. But we stop off at a tiny local village to enjoy steaming mint tea with other riders, listening peacefully to the clucking of their chickens. Marrakech keeps up with the demands of its tourism industry, but it refuses to lose its identity in the process.

I’m staying at the elegant Es Saadi Resort Palace, the backdrop for the slick 2016 BBC thriller, The Night Manager. It’s hard not to feel that we’ve entered a Bondesque fantasy, with a luscious balcony view, silverplated bathroom and selection of handcrafted pastries and fresh oranges laid out for our arrival.

The opulent resort first opened in the early Sixties and it’s a haven of art and expansive gardens and boasts

MARRAKECH The Magic of

its own hammam, casino and nightclub. Plush velvet-cushioned sofas line a rose water fountain in the atrium, with elegant white corridors leading out to a 20-acre, carefully manicured garden, all of which give the sense of having chanced upon an oasis—more mirage, than concrete reality.

I’ve been warned ahead of my visit, that women shouldn’t walk anywhere in the city, but the hotel concierge half-rolls her eyes at this suggestion, and indeed my female companion and I walk almost everywhere during our stay, encountering stares and the odd explicit comment from local men, but nothing more threatening.

My first outing takes me to Le Jardin Majorelle, a lush oasis tucked away from the roar of Marrakech’s busy roads. This two-and-a-half-acre botanical garden is noted for the rich cobalt blues of its central villa— once inhabited by the designer Yves St Laurent—and its many cacti, fountains and tiny wild cats.

For lunch we walk back to the Es Saadi’s neighbouring hotel, to enjoy lunch in Le Jardin at the elite Royal Mansour. Attracting the rich and famous, dining here is a slice of real Moroccan luxury, though sadly rumours (perhaps partially of our own invention) that Rihanna was to be married to her long-time partner, Saudi Arabian billionaire Hassan Jameel, here this weekend fail to transpire. Staff are attentive and the food is divine and abundant, enjoyed in the gardens, poolside or under a

leafy canopy. The famed sweet mint tea of Morocco is more delicious here than anywhere else in the city.

In the evening, we experience the dizzying industry of Marrakech’s primary tourist hotspot—Jemaa elFnaa, a bustling square in the medina quarter, where locals gather to rowdily sell their wares under the glow of the setting sun. I soon realise it’s imperative to watch your feet—one wrong step could find you on the tail of a charmed snake or unintentionally inviting a chained monkey to be placed onto your shoulders.

Appropriately for a square named “the assembly of the dead”, Dante’s nine circles come to mind, as I push my way through sad looking animals and their masters, rogue gropers, women grabbing at hands to apply henna, everywhere the call of “Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga”—the line

reserved for white, light haired women—and the thrust of food samples towards my face. Finally, we reach a corner of calm, and purchase a lamp from a smiling young boy, who speaks little English, but joyfully calls “Later alligator” after us, as we bundle up our purchases.

It may be the most popular spot to visit in Marrakech, but it’s far from my favourite place in the city. Be sure to visit when feeling alert and be prepared to take a hard line on salespeople. Here, even a firm “no” is interpreted as “convince me…”

Comptoir Darna comes highly recommended for dinner, so we accept the long wait time, sipping our drinks and listening to the traditional Moroccan house band play, as I pray we’re seated before the start of the first belly dancing show of the evening.

We’re in luck, and our order is taken minutes before the smiling women enter with lit candelabras on their heads, and a rhythmic shake in their hips. The atmosphere is electric, and when my companion gets up to dance with one of the performers, my face aches from laughter. Our food is hearty and traditional, and I enjoy a delicious, seasonal tagine. The interior amplifies the mood, with ornate lamps offering a soft light, and wide tables large enough for the dancers to dance on top of.

We’re up early the next day, dodging the queue of horse and carriages that

try to tempt us in for a ride to the centre—something we’re glad of later when we witness an accident that leaves a horse twisted in its harness, raw belly and skinny ribs exposed—to meander towards the Saadian Tombs.

Dating back to the 16th century, the tombs were only rediscovered in 1917 and are now a big draw for visitors. The mausoleum holds the remains of over 60 members of Saadian Dynasty, who claimed descendance from the prophet Muhammad. The splendour of the original tomb has been painstakingly restored by the Beaux-arts Service, and we’re among a small crowd of visitors, staring open-mouthed at the intricate tile work, high, arched roofs, ornately carved marble and stucco detailing that decorates these royal tombs. As we take in the stories of this former royal dynasty, a tortoise waddles past and several kittens frolic in the sand.

As the sun climbs higher, we walk to the nearby El Badi Palace, which translates as “palace of the incomparable”. Built in 1578, the court jester once joked that the palace would make “a magnificent ruin”, and indeed his words came true, as the now-ruined palace makes for a fascinating afternoon visit.

Tucked away in a nondescript southern corner of the medina quarter, it’s another testament to the legacy of the Saadian dynasty. Now a shell of its former glory, there’s a joy to be had in imagining the splendour it once offered its powerful inhabitants. In its glory, the palace boasted as many as 350 rooms decorated in gold, turquoise and crystal, with sweeping gardens and a vast pool.

The next day we’ve booked an afternoon of quad biking

in the Palmeraie. Lying north of the city, it’s an urban oasis of hundreds of thousands of palm trees spread over 54 square miles. Legend has it that the oasis was created by ancient Arab warriors, who would drop the seeds from their dates onto the fertile land below. Buildings are sparse and slight, as 1920s planning laws decreed that no construction should be taller than the surrounding trees.

Our guide, Bashir, is quiet and patient as we drive in jerky circles, getting accustomed to the controls of the shiny orange and red quads beneath us. But when we’re off, we’re off, and it’s a thrill zooming across the dunes, surrounded by towering palm trees, as Bashir guides us to his village.

After around an hour on the road, Bashir signals for us to pull over. He winks bashfully at us, as he indicates that he needs

to relieve himself, and disappears behind a bush. Like clockwork, a gang of young boys appear from behind a cluster of palm trees, with bracelets they’ve constructed from the thick grass growing nearby. They plait them around our wrists with a giggle, and as we offer them some coins in exchange, it’s clear this is most likely a regular stop for Bashir, but a delightful one, nonetheless. His own boyhood was spent in the Sahara desert, so it’s no surprise he feels an affinity for these boys, making what money they can from the tourists exploring the dunes of their home.

We stop at a local village for tea and bread dipped in thick, sweet

honey. It’s peaceful, with little noise save the crowing of chickens and chuckles from the tiny toddlers whose mothers prepare our refreshments. Bashir lights up when we show him our phrase book, and excitedly attempts some English phrases, his kind, lined face creasing into laughter when we attempt to speak back in broken Arabic.

As we begin the hour-long drive home, there’s a sudden clap of thunder, and a downpour begins. It only rains an average of 50 days a year in Marrakech, and it seems the heavens have saved their bounty to pour down on us today. We’re soaked through but laughing by the time we arrive back at the shelter, more than ready for a hearty, warm meal.

For an authentic taste of Moroccan home cooking, we head to the Amal Centre. Not only is it a culinary

highlight of the city, but it’s also a non-profit organisation, empowering disadvantaged women through training in culinary skills. The programme takes on young women from impoverished backgrounds, or thrown into widowhood or domestic violence, and offers them a new life. Our food is delicious and fresh, and served with wide smiles. The zingy home-pressed lemonade is clearly a house speciality, as we watched cups and cups being hurried from the kitchen to the waiting tables.

It’s a fitting spot to reflect on our trip and I close my eyes on the flight home, remembering the warm glow of sisterhood that radiated from the kitchen.

When I arrive home in the early hours, I feel a slight bulge in my jacket pocket. Somehow, through security checks, a flight, a bus ride and a taxi, a Moroccan orange has stowed its

way home with me. I breathe in the scent of the orange peel. Perhaps it’s no longer the first scent to greet a visitor to the city. But it’s certainly the smell that will instantly transport them back. n

TRAVEL TIPS

Where to stay: Es Saadi Palace offers tranquil, luxury accommodation a stone’s throw from the centre of the city. Rooms begin from £200 per night, essaadi.com

Where to eat: Le Jardin, Royal Mansour offer a delicious, modern lunch, royalmansour.com. Comptoir Darna requires advance booking for a guaranteed table during their legendary belly dancing dinners, uk.comptoirmarrakech.com. The Amal Centre provide authentic Moroccan cuisine for a good cause, booking is essential amalnonprofit.org

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My Great Escape:

JawDropping Japan

Our reader Joe Cushnan from Nottinghamshire remembers a magical trip to Japan

Japan was the trip of a lifetime for my wife and me. My wife had just retired from teaching and I had turned 65, and we knew that we had to mark those milestones. We decided on a long haul trip, opting for a part land-based, three-night stopover at the Tokyo Prince Hotel and a part

cruise on board the magnificent Diamond Princess. The Tokyo Prince Hotel sits next to the stunning Tokyo Tower, which is illuminated at night, presenting quite a spectacle. The Diamond Princess ship is grand and luxurious, and quickly assuaged our concerns about cruising—sea sickness for my wife, boredom for

me. We had upped our budget. We wanted to spoil ourselves.

The thing that struck us immediately was the politeness of any Japanese person we encountered. Our itinerary included a coach trip to Mount Fuji but, alas, the holy mountain was engulfed in cloud, although we did catch a few distant glimpses through the coach windows. Our guide, Rumi, kept our disappointment at bay with stories of her family and Japanese traditions. She was excited because at noon that day, the name of the new era was to be announced. She couldn’t wait to tell us it was Reiwa, which represents good fortune, peace and harmony.

We gawped at the spectacular cherry blossom. We had sushi. We had saki. We visited a familyowned business that hand-painted flags. We were taught calligraphy. We were astounded by Himeji Castle. So many thrills.

But my favourite moment occurred while we were on the bullet train. The attendant walked through the carriage. At the sliding door to the next carriage, she stopped, turned, smiled and bowed gracefully and sincerely. My jaw dropped. Unexpected. Simple. Memorable. Thank you, Japan. Arigato. n

Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it we’ll pay £50.

Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

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FOR FOODIES: DORDOGNE

On its point-to-point amble through France’s beautiful Dordogne region, On Foot accompanies ruined British castles and vanishing rivers with hotels picked for their food. You’ll earn your gluttony, in effect (onfootholidays.co.uk).

FOR COMPANY-SEEKERS: SWEDEN

Prefer to walk with others? Utracks’ new summer group tour explores some of the 24,000 islands south of Sweden’s capital Stockholm— places of pine forests, open green fields and vast, swimmable lakes (utracks.com/IHW). n

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Are You Online Shopping And Banking Safely?

It seems everybody shops and banks online these days, but how do you know if you’re doing it safely?

Whether you’re a fan or not, going digital with your finances is here to stay. And as more bank branches and high street shops close down, you’re likely to see even more of your money matters go online in 2020.

But when you log in are you doing everything you can to ensure you’re safe from dodgy websites, hackers and fraudsters? Here are the essential ways to protect yourself and your money online.

Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash

Triple check the details you enter

When you transfer money from your banking app or website, always make sure you’ve put in the right account number and sort code. Then check again. And again. People have lost life savings sending cash to the wrong person—whether by accident or after being duped by fraudsters.

Set up double authentication on your important accounts

Though an extra step when logging in will take a bit more time, it can really make your accounts extra secure. Double authentication generally requires you to enter a code sent to your phone or generated on a card reader.

It’s not just banks you can do this for, consider using it for your email account too.

Keep an eye on your statements

Whether you get statements in the post or online you need to keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Banking apps are particularly good for this as you can check with a few clicks and swipes on a daily basis.

Have a separate payment card

It’s sensible not to save card details in your shopping accounts if offered the option, but if you have to, then one simple way to ring fence your money is to use a completely separate card for all of your online transactions.

This could be a new current account or a credit card. With the former make sure you have enough money in the account to cover transactions, while the latter needs to be cleared in full to prevent interest charges. Remember, credit cards also come with extra consumer protection for any purchase over £100.

PEOPLE HAVE LOST LIFE SAVINGS BY SENDING CASH TO THE WRONG PERSON

Check if your tech is up to spec

It’s vital that you install any updates on your phones and computers to reduce the potential for viruses and malware to work their way onto your machines. Find out now if there’s an update waiting for you. Be aware though that older computers and phones can sometimes struggle with more advanced software, often performing much slower as a result.

And if your tech is really old you might find upgrading software an impossible task. After a few years the big companies tend to reduce then remove support and upgrades for their operating software. Earlier this year Microsoft stopped support for Windows 7, while Apple iPhones

older than the 6S and SE can’t run the latest iOS software. You might need to pay for more recent software or equipment to keep up to date.

On desktop computers and laptops you should also regularly scan for viruses and spyware. Though Apple computers are less vulnerable than Windows, it’s probably still worth doing this. Lots of banks offer free virus protection software, so see if that’s something you can nab.

Don’t forget to regularly back up your hard drive and phone so you can reinstall your data in the event of a virus or hijacking.

It’s also important passcodes and passwords to your devices so that only you can access them if your phone was stolen.

And you should make sure the passwords are different for each account. This might sound impossible, but there are websites which can help you to securely store these details including Last Pass and Dashlane.

If you don’t trust these, then you can use howsecureismypassword. net to make sure whatever you choose as a password is hard to crack. And don’t share your log in details with anyone else.

Set up alias email addresses

Change ALL your passwords

It only takes one hack for your username and password to be out there for fraudsters to access. And if you’ve got the same details for multiple sites, that exposes your accounts to genuine risk.

You can find out if your details have ever been exposed on the Have I Been Pwned website (haveibeenpwned.com). If your details appear here you need to change your details ASAP.

With many online accounts your email address is also your username. You can set up multiple addresses to reduce the chance of spammers getting hold of your main email address. Most email providers let you do this within your existing account.

You could have one for correspondence with friends, one for online shopping and another for online banking. If one is compromised, you don’t have to let your address book know a new address—you simply delete it and set up another.

Surf the web securely

Always look to see if there’s a padlock in the address bar and the

ANYONE CAN MAKE A WEBSITE, SO EVEN SOME PROFESSIONALLOOKING SITES MIGHT NOT BE LEGIT

letters “HTTPS” at the start of the address. These means the site is secure from third parties reading your data, although it doesn’t guarantee the website can be trusted.

Anyone can make a website nowadays, which means even the most professional-looking site might

not be legit. It could even appear to be a reputable brand but in reality be a knock-off.

Check the URL is spelled correctly to avoid dodgy duplicates, and keep an eye out for anything else that jars on the page. Mistakes can happen but most legitimate sites will hopefully avoid them. You can also look for reviews on websites such as Trustpilot.

You should also avoid unsecured WiFi networks when you’re not at home, especially when you are logging into your banking app or making payments. Using your mobile phone package’s inclusive data is safer than logging into random WiFi you find when out and about. n

Chicks off the old block

With spring in the air, it’s the season that adorable baby animals are entering the world. But can you match up the name for the baby with their adult equivalent?

Known for their thick, fluffy wool and impressive stature, baby llamas are called…

a) Crias b) Lambs c) Camelids

Rather than shield their young from the outside world, mother hares will leave their young alone for up to an hour at a time. A baby hare is called a…

a) Bunny b) Buck c) Levert

Puffins spend most of their lives out at sea, but their nesting babies are called…

a) Chicks b) Pufflings c) Puffettes

Often referred to as “rats of the sky”, the misunderstood pigeon has babies called…

a) Squeakers b) Chicks c) Cygnets

Answers: Crias, Levert, Pufflings, Squeakers

Herb-Crusted Haddock Loin

Serves 4

•30g flat leaf parsley

•180g breadcrumbs (fresh or frozen)

•1 lemon, zested

•2 garlic cloves, crushed

•½ tsp crushed black peppercorns

•2tbsp olive oil

•4 haddock loins (approx 600g)

•500g baby potatoes

•100g watercress

For the dressing

•4tbsp olive oil

•1tbsp Balsamic vinegar

•¾ tsp Dijon mustard

•Pinch of salt

•Pinch of sugar

Rachel Walker is a food writer for numerous national publications. Visit rachel-walker.co.uk for more information

The days are getting longer, the clocks are set to change and with the onset of spring comes its bounty: juicy watercress and nutty little potatoes. Celebrate with bright and fresh plates of food like this easy herb-crusted fish and follow with preserved fruits, as we hungrily wait for things to warm up enough for this year’s crop to come into season

1. Preheat the oven to 200°C.

2. Wash the leaves from the parsley, roughly pick the leaves and slice thinly. Tip into a mixing bowl and stir in the breadcrumbs, lemon zest, crushed garlic, black peppercorns and olive oil (just enough so that the breadcrumbs are shiny—not so that it clumps together).

3. Place a sheet of baking parchment on a tray and lay the haddock loins on it. Use your hands to scoop up the breadcrumbs and heap them over the fish, distributing them evenly. Bake for 12-15 minutes, until the breadcrumbs are golden and the haddock is opaque all the way through.

4. Put the potatoes into a saucepan, cover with boiling kettle water and a pinch of salt. Bring to simmer on the hob and cook for 12 minutes—similar cooking time to the fish.

5. While the potatoes and fish are cooking, make the salad dressing. Either put all the ingredients in a jam jar and shake, or stir in a bowl until glossy and emulsified. Season and then coat the watercress, using a generous slug of dressing.

6. Drain the potatoes, and then plate up with the watercress and the herb-crusted loins. Serve with a dollop of mayonnaise, hollandaise or aioli.

Drinks Tip…

The herb-crust means that this isn’t a delicate seafood dish, and an easy-drinker like Pheasant Gully Semillon Chardonnay has great weight to it, making it a super accompaniment (Marks & Spencer, £7)

Serves 4

• 250g frozen raspberries

• ½ lemon, juiced

• 2tbsp icing sugar

• 400g tin of peach halves in syrup

• 4 scoops of best vanilla ice cream

Peach Melba

Around this time of year fresh and ripe fruit is still thin on the ground. Traditional preservation methods are often overlooked, but tinned peaches offer a ray of sunshine, as can frozen raspberries which both come together to make this classic dessert

1. Tip the raspberries and lemon juice into a pan and heat gently until the raspberries begin to collapse.

2. Stir in the icing sugar, blitz with a hand blender and then use the back of a spoon to press the juice through a sieve to remove the seeds.

Show us your take on these dishes! Just upload the picture to Instagram and tag us, @readersdigest_uk

3. Divide the coulis between four bowls, top with the peach halves and a large scoop of ice cream.

TIP: It’s not the traditional serve, but I think it’s best when the raspberry coulis is still hot, creating a contrast to the cold ice cream and room temperature peach halves. Why not try breaking up meringues and using them to layer for a Peach Melba-inspired sundae, topped with whipped cream and toasted almonds. n

Add texture and interest to your interior by getting creative with decorative wall panelling

Off The Wall

Whether you’re aiming to revive some traditional charm in a period property or simply introduce character to a bland wall, panelling is a versatile way to finish off any scheme if you want to add another dimension to your décor. While full-height wooden panelling isn’t to everyone’s taste, new trends are seeing more contemporary takes on the concept come through—from scaffolding plank feature walls for an industrial edge, to geometric baton designs for a modern style statement.

Classic tongue and groove panelling is well-suited to older properties and, although originally used to help insulate the home, is now often installed purely decoratively to give walls a tactile

Homes and gardens writer and stylist

Cassie Pryce specialises in interior trends and discovering new season shopping

finish. Wainscoting panels, made up of rectangular or square designs, also offer a traditional effect if you’re looking to introduce detail to a Georgian or Victorian home for example. Single baton designs are becoming increasingly popular for creating a more modern panelling effect, and can be used in a whole range of formations to create your desired look. Individual vertical batons, either wood or more affordable MDF, offer a minimalist design idea, or you could build a grid-like pattern for a more intricate feature wall.

Depending on the type of panelling you want to install and the age of your property, you may want to enlist the help of a professional. Older homes in particular rarely have perfectly straight walls, so fitting the panelling can be a tricky task without the correct knowledge and tools. If you’d like to take a DIY approach, watching online video tutorials will help to guide you through the basics before you begin. n

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The Joys Of A Garden Shed

Nearly everyone has a shed, but whether it’s full of power tools or heaving with bicycles, they’re often nothing more than neglected cabins strewn with stuff. Jessica Summers explores how to transform your shack into a cosy hut

The clearout out is the obvious first step—how much of the amassed hoards of outdoor gear do you actually need?

Quiz yourself on the last time you used each item and whether you’re likely to use it again (be as ruthless as you can), and you’ll likely build a mountain of broken, obsolete and out-of-date objects to be donated, taken to your local recycling centre, or thrown away.

Once you’ve cut down to the basics and scrubbed your shed until it sparkles, a lick of paint in a light, bright colour would wonderfully illuminate your space. It would also be prudent to lay down protective flooring to make your shed floor last longer, and why not opt for a jazzy pattern or paint one on yourself? After, you’ll want to plan a proper place

for everything; if you have bikes, consider wall-mounted bike racks to free up floor space. Similarly, instead of piling things from the ground up, install sturdy shelves to hold tools and equipment and screw in some hooks for garden clothing.

To create a warm glow, consider installing solar-powered lights which are a cheap and sustainable solution.

There’s no need for the outside of your shed to be forgotten either, so paint it a garden friendly colour to blend in, such as dark green or grey hues—or, if you’re feeling jazzy, go the other way and paint a white base as a canvas for all manners of colourful creations.

Encourage creeper plants to climb up the side by using a trellis, and suspend some hanging flowerpots from the outside walls to make it a feature everyone will want to look at. n

Under Wraps

Lisa Lennkh discovers the satrorial joys the addition of a scarf can bring

Like a pair of gloves, a scarf is a practical accessory, but it doesn't need to be purely utilitarian. Just as the right spice improves a dish, a good scarf can enhance your whole outfit.

I have to admit, I'm quite new to wearing scarves. Except for a warm winter one to keep out the cold, scarves have always felt fussy and awkward on me. I liked the idea of a scarf, though. I'd try on a beautiful silk one in a shop, look in the mirror, note how completely frou frou and uncomfortable I looked, and take it off immediately.

So what changed? Well, a dear scarf-expert friend gave me one that was perfect for me, and finally I understood their unique magic. The red, gold, and aqua colours in this scarf not only lit up my face, they also complemented almost everything in my closet. It was a large 90 x 90 cm size, so I learned how

to fold and tie it in many different ways. Every time I wore it, people complimented me on how wellrested I looked. I looked up the designer of the scarf, London-based Ivana Nohel, and found I loved many of her beautifully illustrated designs. Incidentally, so does the queen! Nohel's royal-themed designs are sold at the Buckingham Palace gift shop and website. The queen herself has been photographed wearing Ivana's horse motif scarf.

Now that I have been converted to regularly wearing scarves, here is what I have learned:

1

It doesn't matter how perfectly you've tied your scarf or how beautifully it coordinates with your outfit, it should look effortless, as if you just threw it on and tied it.

2

The colours need to be in your perfect colour palette. If you hold the scarf up to your face and find it emphasises the lines on your face and makes the skin around your mouth and jaw look a bit grey, the colours are

Lisa Lennkh is a banker turned fashion writer, stylist and blogger. Her blog, The Sequinist, focuses on sparkle and statement style for midlife women

wrong. If you are a spring palette, they should be warm-toned bright colours. If you are an autumn, they should be warm-toned soft spice colours. If you are a winter, they should be cool, bright jewel tones. If you are a summer, they should be cooltoned soft colours.

3

Make sure you evaluate the colours of the scarf's edges and corners more than the centre. Those are mostly the bits you'll see when it is tied, and those colours must be fantastic on you. I've ruled out many scarf designs because they include too much black at the edges, which does not flatter me at all.

A silk scarf is a high impact and high authority item, just like a tie is for a man. It takes a bit of experimentation and patience to find the right one for you, but the effort pays off. Every woman needs at least one perfect scarf… to bring focus and light to her face, and a shot of style to her outfit. n

4

Your scarf must reflect you and your interests. I pass over any scarf that has flowers on it, because I loathe girly floral prints. Instead, I look for patterns that include foxes, leopards, leaves, horses, birds, jewellery, books... the more colourful and quirky, the better.

5

Stick to your style. If you're classic, like I am, you'll want neat elegant knots. If you're outdoorsy or bohemian, you'll want a large scarf you can drape and tie loosely. And if you're petite, you'll look better in a neck scarf than in an overwhelming shawl.

Beauty Meets The Future

Jenessa Williams reveals the future face of beauty and skincare

As we settle into 2020 and look forward to a more environmental-friendly future, we're perhaps also seeking an approach to beauty that minimises waste and offers a more bespoke approach able to target our individual needs. The answer? It might be hiding behind our screens…

Smart beauty has been the talk of the industry for years, and it's fast becoming a reality. No longer will you cycle between five different shampoos to find your perfect match—Function of Beauty allow you to select your own blend based on your hair type and desired treatment, with 54 trillion possible formulations. Flummoxed by your concealer? The voice-controlled Hi Mirror will analyse your skin and direct you accordingly, as well as reminding you when certain products are set to expire, and taking regular images to allow you to monitor the effectiveness of your skincare routine. It may seem elaborate, but by demystisfying the latest "miracle" product, or allowing you to trial a make-up look before purchasing, experts suggest that AI-technology like this mirror may in fact cut down on impulse beauty spending.

Meanwhile, industry giants such as L’Oreal are supporting young tech-savvy cosmetologists looking to find the next big thing in beauty. Phyto-cosmetology (an innovative method for extracting the purest essence from plantlife) is set to be huge, while companies such as Orig3n and Skin Genie are already garnering attention for their DNA-led approach, which uses at home-testing kits and apps to present DNA-tailored recommendations. The beauty future is here, and it just got personal. n

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PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE

The director of Girlhood comes back with a timely, yet timeless drama about looking and being looked at

It seems that films about co-dependent relationships unravelling on isolated islands are currently very en vogue, what with last month’s trippy Robert Pattinson-Willem Dafoe double act, The Lighthouse, and now, with this spiky, sensual drama about a romance between two women on a remote island in Brittany. And as much as the former relished its ragged, testosterone-fuelled brutality, The Portrait of a Lady on Fire revels in its ultra-femininity, alluring subtext and not giving a trace of a damn about including a single man with any real agency or purpose in its story.

Don’t jump to conclusions though; it’s not another skin-deep flick hellbent on jumping on the #MeToo wagon; French director Celine Sciamma’s work is a clever, fiery celebration of female friendship in all its complexity, as well as masterclass in tastefully handled symbolism, with analogies to the haunting ancient myth of Orpheus and Eurydice delicately tracing the entire film.

The premise couldn’t be simpler: a painter arrives on a hostile island to undertake a wedding portrait of a young woman who just left the convent. There’s just one catch: she needs to do it without her subject’s knowledge. As the two grow closer, the task becomes an increasingly challenging one.

Biography: RADIOACTIVE

If you don’t know much about the two-time Nobel Prize winner Marie Curie and her pioneering research in radioactivity, you might find this film to be a highly educational introduction to her life and work. Sadly, it never quite rises above that duty. A pre-packaged, calcified biopic straight off the conveyor belt of indemand stories of strong women, Radioactive turns out to be an underwhelming, prosaic run-through of Marie Curie’s crucial life events and the devastating effects her discoveries had on the history of humankind. Rosamund Pike, who plays Curie, tries to imbue the lifeless script with some spice and nerve; yet even her signature steely allure never quite manages to lift this bland biopic.

Drama: ANDTHENWEDANCED A smouldering, illicit romance flourishes between two young dance students in Tbilisi, Georgia in this dazzling piece of cinema that’ll stop you in your tracks. The dream-like cinematography, the intoxicating intensity of Georgian folk dance and the pulse-raising claps and stomps of the equally traditional soundtrack all come together to form a tantalising base for the sublime performances of these first-time (!) actors.

© STUDIOCANAL. /PECCADILLO PICTURES / WALT DISNEY

BETTER THINGS: SEASON 3 (BBC2)

What is it? The secret weapon of BBC2, one of recent TV’s most complete and honest depictions of parenting.

Why should I watch it? After the downfall of Louis CK, Season Three is where star Pamela Adlon steps up as showrunner, writing and directing the majority of the episodes, and strengthening the show’s already substantial family ties. Best episode? Episode Three’s impromptu soiree brings together Sharon Stone, Celia Imrie and a monkey. No other show can claim this; to some degree, all human life is here.

CRACKERJACK!:SERIES30 (CBBC)

What is it? It’s Friday, it’s six o’clock (because things change), it’s Crackerjack!

Why should I watch it? The reboot of the Beeb’s flagship junior variety show (previously aired between 1955 and 1984) retunes our screens to a very innocent pleasure: it’s the usual jamboree of skits, games, custard pies and gunge (so much gunge), now overseen by primetime goofballs Sam and Mark, yet served up with the same irresistible peppy spirit. Best episode? Episode One sets a nice tone in welcoming back former presenters, including Stu Francis and Don Maclean, while offering an early contender for 2020’s most surprising comeback: Bernie Clifton’s comedy ostrich.

by Mike McCahill

WHAT TO STREAM THIS MONTH:

ELISJAMES:FUNNY NATION(BBC iPlayer)

James’s engaging threepart history of Welsh comedy features interviews with Max Boyce, Ruth Madoc and Rob Brydon.

THEFORGOTTENARMY

(Amazon Prime) Bollywood action specialist

Kabir Khan provides a punchy account of the Indian National Army, WWII allies who battled the Brits for independence.

THEMOVIESTHATMADE US

(Netflix) Key creatives offer bright and breezy insights into the making of such videoshop favourites as Ghostbusters,DieHard and DirtyDancing.

ALBUM OF THE MONTH: DIXIEBLURby JONATHAN WILSON

If, like me, you’ve always found it a bit hard to yield to the charm of country music, an offering such as this one might just sweeten the pill. Jonathan Wilson is an accomplished US artist and record producer, who revisits his southern roots on this Nashville sound-inspired album. However, he chooses to do so with a little twist, diluting the typically energetic fiddles and relentless harmonicas with unexpected blows of melodic melancholy reminiscent of Neil Young at his most gut-wrenching, like on the intimate ballad, “’69 Corvette” in which Wilson looks back on his upbringing and the mercilessly fleeting nature of time: “Well it floats right by till one day / You’re looking at polaroids and grieving / So remember to tell ‘em you love ‘em every time”, he whispers gently into the mic. It’s the music of unexpected reminiscences—the kind that come at 6am after a night of partying, when your friends are asleep on your sofa and you’re alone in the next room watching the sunrise, while all kinds of faded scenes from childhood come flooding in. Warm but plaintive, Dixie Blur will hit the spot for everyone from Father John Misty devotees to Elton John lovers.

by Eva Mackevic

READER RADAR:

KAY MADDOCKS, Dental nurse

Watching: WHENTHEYSEEUS

(Netflix) I love Netflix and cant imagine my life without it. I’m watching this series at the moment which is based on a true story.

Reading: SETTHEBOYFREE

(BY Johnny Marr )He gives an account of The Smiths’ early days that is both colourful and slangy, and very revealing.

Online: @RICKYGERVAIS

(Twitter) I follow Ricky Gervais and I admire him for the way he speaks out about cruelty to animals when others wont.

Listening: LBC RADIO STATION

I listen to music a lot but I like LBC too. It has daily shows and is at the centre of conversations that impact the lives of millions of people across Britain.

Email your recommendations to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

March Fiction

Two tantalising tales of family bonds where nothing is ever what it seems…

The Recovery of Rose Gold

by Stephanie Wrobel (Michael Joseph, £12.99)

When this deliciously sinister debut novel begins, Patty Watts is about to leave prison. She’s been serving five years for abusing her daughter Rose Gold throughout her childhood— using poison to make her ill and then reporting the illnesses to various baffled doctors in what seems a classic case of Munchausen syndrome by proxy. So why is it Rose Gold, now 23, who picks up Patty on her release and offers her a place to stay? It’s a question that Stephanie Wrobel brilliantly sustains for the entire book, as the tension rises and the intrigue deepens.

James Walton is a book reviewer and broadcaster, and has written and presented 17 series of the BBC

Radio 4 literary quiz

The Write Stuff

The two women narrate alternate chapters. Patty continues to protest her innocence as she apparently tries to rebuild the relationship with her daughter. Rose Gold fills us on the increasingly alarming events of her own life over the past five years. Clearly neither woman is to be trusted—and clearly, too, a fierce but unspoken power struggle is blazing away between them. Nonetheless, I defy any reader to work out exactly what these two spectacularly unreliable narrators are up to, before all is revealed in a suitably shocking denouement.

Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell (Tinder Press, £20)

Can it be a coincidence that Shakespeare wrote a tragedy called Hamlet just a few years after the death of his 11-year-old son Hamnet— particularly as the two names were then interchangeable? Maggie O’Farrell certainly thinks not, and here she applies the full, thrilling force of her imagination to transforming the few known facts into a powerfully affecting account of what might have happened.

At first sight, it seems a bit odd that

Shakespeare himself is never referred to by name. Yet, this soon proves a highly effective way of reminding us that beneath that totemic name was an actual human being. Meanwhile, the other members of his family, led by his wife Agnes (which appears to have been Anne Hathaway’s real name), are also brought to rich and convincing life, along with the Stratford of the time.

My only slight reservation is that O’Farrell introduces a now-fashionable gothic element to proceedings, with both Agnes and Hamnet having supernatural powers. In a novel of such penetrating social and psychological realism, this feels more distracting than illuminating. Fortunately, though, the book is easily strong enough to survive it, especially in the shattering scenes that follow Hamnet’s death.

Name the author

Can you guess the writer from these clues (the fewer you need the better)?

1. In 2005, when she became the UK children’s laureate, she was also the most borrowed author from UK libraries.

2. She was made a Dame in 2008.

3. Recurring characters in her books include Hetty Feather and Tracy Beaker.

Answer on p126

PAPERBACKS

WhatDementiaTeachesUs aboutLoveby Nicci Gerard (Penguin, £9.99). After her father dies of dementia, the bestselling novelist investigates a disease that touches the lives of millions. Utterly moving, thoughtful and unfailingly humane.

TheChainby Adrian McKinty (Orion, £8.99). Utterly compulsive thriller about a woman whose daughter is kidnapped and must kidnap someone else’s child to free her—and so on down the chain. Set to be a big hit, I reckon.

AppeasingHitlerby Tim Bouverie (Vintage, £9.99). A history of the lead-up to the Second World War that’s described by Antony Beevor as “astonishing”.

CharlieSavageby Roddy Doyle (Vintage, £7.99). A collection of Doyle’s warm, funny Irish magazine columns about a fictional and very likeable Dubliner.

TilltheCowsComeHome:A

LancashireChildhoodby Sara Cox (Coronet, £9.99). The Radio 2 presenter looks back with infectious fondness on her childhood on a cattle farm.

RECOMMENDED READ

Life Behind Bars

The worrying and bizarre stories about spending time in a UK prison

In 2015, Chris Atkins was at the top of his game as a documentary filmmaker, his work regularly shown on Channel 4 and the BBC. In 2016, he was sentenced to five years in jail for having used a dodgy tax scheme to fund a film. He served the first nine months in Wandsworth, one of Britain’s toughest prisons—where, perhaps unsurprisingly, he was the only Guardian reader around.

A Bit of a Stretch is a terrifically

vivid record of his often hair-raising experiences there. In his (successful) quest to make the case for “urgent prison reform”, Atkins gives us chapter and verse on the horrifying prevalence of illiteracy, mental illness, drug-taking, self-harm and suicide among inmates—and on the huge reduction in officer numbers, which means that prisoners are routinely locked up for 23 hours a day. Yet, what makes the book so riveting is that Atkins takes us behind the statistics to show us prison life in all its chaotic, sometimes surreal weirdness.

We learn, for example, that tuna in brine is a common unit of currency—and that one prisoner couldn’t deliver the paper he’d been asked to write for senior managers about the consequences of being locked in his cell all day, because he was locked in his cell all day.

We also see the cruel effects that the sheer bureaucratic incompetence of the whole creaking system can have: for weeks, Atkins’s three-yearold son wasn’t allowed to visit, as the authorities hadn’t got round to checking the boy’s criminal record.

Here Atkins and fellow prisoners

Les and Fenton are meeting with Governor Methi—nicknamed Yeti, because he’s rarely seen— along with two representatives from Carillion, the private firm then in charge of infrastructure and maintenance…

“6 March

Today there is another wing rep meeting, which I attend for the sheer comedy value. Governor Yeti starts off by noting that the wings are quite grubby. He proudly unveils his vision to appoint ‘Cleaning Champions to own the hygiene journey’. This is exactly what he said last time, but as yet no one has volunteered for this unpaid role.

‘Let’s mark that one as pending,’ Yeti mutters to himself.

‘Brilliant!’ chirps Les, who is looking increasingly fried these days. He’s still waiting to be sentenced, but his hearing keeps getting postponed. The uncertainty is crippling, and he still believes that sucking up to the prison authorities will get him a more lenient punishment.

I have tried explaining that Governor Yeti has as much influence over the judge’s decisions as I do, but Les’s deranged sycophancy continues unabated.

Next item—Yeti’s vision for a comment box, into which prisoners can deposit ideas on improving conditions. I’m dubious that this will attract constructive messages, or indeed anything in written form. It emerges that there’s a box ready for action, but it has no sign advertising its purpose.

Yeti nods thoughtfully. ‘So it hasn’t actually gone live yet?’ I very nearly crease at this point. The governor evidently thinks he’s launching a new

I’M DUBIOUS THE COMMENT BOX WILL ATTRACT ANYTHING IN WRITTEN FORM

iPhone rather than a small wooden box. Fenton volunteers to arrange an appropriate sign.

Yeti beams. ‘All right, let’s launch it at the end of the week. That’s what I’m about, right there.’

Les punches the air. ‘Brilliant!’

Next item—the perilous state of H Wing showers.

I raise a hand. ‘The water is now scalding hot. It’s actually quite dangerous.’

The Carillion guys have a little chuckle at us snowflake prisoners. ‘Last we heard it was too cold, now it’s too hot. We can’t win!’

‘Brilliant!’ grunts Les.

I take a deep breath. ‘Over Christmas, the showers were freezing cold, which incidentally was the cause of a riot at HMP

Birmingham. Then someone turned our thermostat up to boiling, so the water now actually burns the skin. The temperature we are looking for…’ I pause for dramatic effect, ‘is warm.’

The Carillion guys reluctantly agree to have a look. After the meeting, I accompany them down to the shower room, which is just as well as they have no idea where it is.

‘When did you last visit the showers?’ I ask.

‘Er, when we installed them.’

The shower room is full of steam, and a prisoner stands next to a shower head in his pants. His body is gleaming red, as if he’s fallen asleep drunk in Magaluf. The bloke from Carillion turns on one of the showers and sticks his hand under the jet.

‘JESUS!’ He recoils as if he’s touched an electric fence. ‘This place is a death trap! I’ll get it turned down to a safe temperature within twentyfour hours.’

We never see the Carillion guys again, and the water remains boiling hot until I leave.” And the name of the author is… Jacqueline Wilson, who also had four titles in the BBC’s Big Read poll of Britain’s 100 favourite books. Only Charles Dickens and Terry Pratchett had more, with five each.

CHRIS ATKINS’S TOP FIVE BOOKS ABOUT PRISON

InvisibleCryingTreeby Tom Shannon and Christopher Morgan. Based on a riveting series of letters, this charts the unlikely friendship between two strangers, one serving life for murder. It also has a remarkable legacy, helping thousands of prisoners to learn to read.

OneDayintheLifeofIvan Denisovichby Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. Raw and gripping, it hurls you into the bleak yet fascinating landscape of Stalinist gulags—and celebrates the triumph of the human spirit over lethal adversity.

PorridgeandPassionby Jonathan Aitken. Aitken sent me a copy when I was inside, and I found it surprisingly good. Full of warm humour, wry observations, and a masterclass in humility.

GangofOneby Gary Mulgrew. I knew Gary when he was fighting extradition, and he tells a unique story of grit and passion.

TheBalladofReadingGaol by Oscar Wilde. I reread this in HMP Wandsworth—where Wilde was first incarcerated—and I love his beautiful melancholic poetry.

Books That Changed My Life

Linwood Barclay is a bestselling thriller author beloved by Stephen King. His new novel, Elevator Pitch, is out now, published by HQ

TheThousand CoffinsAffair (TheManfrom U.N.C.L.E.,#1)

byMichaelAvallone

Wait, seriously? A TV tie-in paperback novel? That changed my life? Not Ernest Hemingway? Hear me out. This tongue-incheek espionage series debuted in 1964, when I was nine, and I was immediately obsessed with it. When Ace paperbacks started issuing novelisations based on the show, I had to read every one. But then I thought, if other people can write U.N.C.L.E. adventures, why can’t I? I got my father to teach me to type on an old Royal manual, and by the age of 11, I was writing 30-40-page novellas based on the show—what we would call “fan fiction” today.

TheTower Treasure, AHardyBoys

novelby Franklin W Dixon

OK, they were all supposedly written by Dixon, but we now know many authors worked on this series. But ghost writers weren’t a big concern of mine as a kid.

The Hardy Boys novels are the first books I can recall reading on my own. I didn’t just enjoy reading these mysteries, I loved collecting them, lining them up on my shelf in order, filling in the gaps. I’d make note of the ones I was missing so that the next time I went out I could badger my parents into buying me more. Acquiring the adventures of Frank and Joe Hardy helped build my appreciation of the book as an item to be treasured.

TheGoodbye Lookby Ross Macdonald

I’m 15, scanning the paperback rack at the local grocery store, and I spot this novel, taken, at first by the font, which is identical to that used for all things U.N.C.L.E. But the story, featuring a detective named Lew Archer, sounds interesting. Soon after, I am searching for everything Macdonald has written. Here’s someone who has taken the conventions of the detective novel and used them to explore family dysfunction and environmental issues.

My admiration for Macdonald’s work would lead, within six years, to spending an evening with him, talking about what it was really like to be a writer.

What Happened In Vegas

The Consumer Electronic Show in Las Vegas is the world’s mightiest tech expo. Here’s Olly Mann’s selection...

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

ONWARDS, UPWARDS?

Quibi, the upcoming streaming site from exDreamworks CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg, has announced an enticing gimmick: all its videos will be optimised for vertical viewing. It seems Hollywood is tentatively embracing the predominant shooting style of Instagrammers and TikTok-ers! And, for a mobile-only audience, this makes some sense: holding your phone in portrait mode is more comfortable. But should TVs rotate, too? Samsung appears to think so: their Sero set spins on to its side when streaming from social media. The concept is executed elegantly, but seriously, who wants a spinning telly?

TIME TO FOLD

When I heard Lenovo were claiming to have invented the “world’s first foldable PC”, my first thought was, what, a laptop? I had one of those 25 years ago! More accurately, perhaps, the ThinkPad X1 Fold is a foldable tablet, but, given that it’s running Windows, and includes a built-in stand which, when deployed alongside a Bluetooth keyboard, creates the effect of a desktop… well, perhaps the whole point is that device categorisation has ceased to concern computer designers, and that we consumers, too, may soon come to value versatility over expertise. In the meantime, early adopters can enjoy screen resolution as vivid as an iPad, and a hinge as impressively discreet as Samsung’s folding smartphone.

SMART SPIN

I’ll admit it: my laundry-sorting technique leaves much to be desired. I simply separate whites, darks, and colours, cross my fingers and hope for the best. Most of the time I get away with it, but at least three times a year I shrink or damage a T-shirt because I’ve washed it at what was clearly the wrong cycle, had I bothered to read the label. LG’s ThinQ Washer-Dryer promises to swerve such wanton idiocy by detecting the weight and fabric of each load, automatically measuring out an appropriate amount of detergent, and selecting the correct temperature accordingly. It won’t rid the world of those rogue pink socks, though.

FESTIVE FUTURES

Already counting down the sleeps to Christmas? Then you’re the target audience for Twinkly, a string of LED lights you can chuck over your Christmas tree, sync with an app, and control with Alexa. It may sound like an unnecessary innovation, but watching a whizzo animation projected across a humble potted fern, magically summoned into life via voice command, is irresistibly magical. For outdoor displays, you can coordinate up to 4000 RGB-coloured lights simultaneously stunning passers-by, and guaranteeing estrangement from your neighbours.

You Couldn’t Make It Up

Win £30 for your true, funny stories!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

I had to smile when I joined my golf partner for a round of golf.

I noted that he had a club I hadn’t seen him use before.

“Is that a new putter?” I asked him. “What happened to your last one?”

With a deadpan expression he retorted, “It couldn't swim.”

RYAN WEBBER, Cheshire

Recently, there was an unusual announcement in church from the vicar who said, “John and Hannah were married on September 23 in church. And so ends a friendship that began in their school days.”

I don't think he meant it to come out quite like that!

that I had actually said: “I've had lots of men.”

I wondered why the driver kept sniggering under his breath.

CORRINA

WILLIAMS, Denbighshire

LOUISE COOPER, Devon

I was in Italy and wanted to try out my GCSE languages knowledge to impress the locals with my grasp of their language.

As I got into a taxi, I asked the driver about local restaurants adding that I was very hungry. I later found out, much to my embarrassment,

My son's school had a non-uniform day and the kids were asked to come dressed as a character from a book. Among the Batmen, Cinderellas and Robin Hoods was one little boy who dressed as Action Man. “Which book is he from?” asked the teacher, to which the boy replied, “The Argos catalogue”

SANDRA ALDEN, Somerset

cartoon by Royston Robertson

I wasn't well so I'd given my father a list of food to buy for me. I got a phone call from him in the supermarket aisle.

“There are two sections” he said, “One’s organic, and the other is food you can afford. Which do you want me to get?”

DAN PALFREY, Manchester

A colleague at work received a scratch card from another colleague in a card for his birthday and wasn’t happy when he was told by the giver, “If you win, we have to split it.”

He replied to him sternly, “Don’t give me scratch cards as a present then. That’s not how it works. I don’t buy you shoes and then ask for the left one back!”

KAYLA MADDOCKS, Hertfordshire

When I became pregnant with my second child, we decided to wait until months into the pregnancy before telling our daughter, so my bump was already showing.

My husband asked our little girl, “Have you noticed Mummy's tummy getting bigger?”

She nodded sagely, saying “Yes.”

“Do you know why that is?” he continued asking.

“Because Mummy's getting older,” she replied.

SARAH TOLLAND, Norfolk

I went to the cinema with my mother and her friend, which was a mistake because they kept chatting to each

other during the film. One man behind us got fed up so he leaned forward and said, “Excuse me, I can’t hear a word.”

Mum looked at him crossly and replied, “I should hope not. This is a private conversation.”

It's a good job it was dark—my face was red with embarrassment.

KIM

YETTON, Cambridgeshire

My son and his friend were discussing what their parents did for a living. I had to quickly rush in while they were talking, for fear that my son's explanation would result in his friend going home and telling his parents that I sell drugs.

I work in a pharmacy!

ABBIE BARNES Denbighshire

My eight-year-old daughter was trying her best to open a child-proof cap after claiming she could, while I carefully monitored her.

Frustrated by her failure to open it, she gave in and asked me in exasperated tones, “How does the bottle know it's me?”

ANNA HAMMETT, Cheshire

YES I want to subscribe to Reader’s Digest Magazine for just £3 for 3 issues (a saving of £8.37 on the shop price of £11.37 based on the cover price of £3.79 per issue). I understand that if I do not wish to continue receiving Reader’s Digest after my first 3 issues I can simply cancel my subscription by contacting customer services. If I do want to continue to subscribe after my first 3 issues I need do nothing and my subscription will automatically be renewed at the low rate of £7.50 for every 3 issues until I decide otherwise.

IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power

“X” and “Z” are among the shortest chapters in an English dictionary. Try to define the following words that start with these two rarely used letters

By Samantha Rideout

1. xanthic

A: gummy.

B: yellowish.

C: calming.

2. zeitgeist

A: game-changing event.

B: harmless ghost.

C: spirit of the times.

3. xenon

A: chemical element with atomic number 54.

B: planet Jupiter’s red spot.

C: bull monster from ancient Greek mythology.

4. xiphoid

A: plotted on a graph.

B: sword-shaped.

C: notched.

5. xilinous pertaining to…

A: luxury.

B: infinity.

C: cotton.

6. zephyr

A: pleasantly bitter taste.

B: light breeze.

C: inoffensive comedian.

7. zygote

A: fertilised egg.

B: dormant virus.

C: cheekbone.

8. xeric

A: disillusioned.

B: dry.

C: concerned with appearances.

9. zoolatry

A: the study of animals.

B: the worship of animals.

C: the care of animals.

10. zymology science of

A: muscles.

B: welding.

C: fermentation.

11. zealot

A: tax dodger.

B: arsonist.

C: extreme partisan.

12. xenial

A: forgetful.

B: hospitable.

C: resourceful.

13. zonk

A: stun, as with a blow.

B: trip and fall.

C: squabble loudly.

14. Zoilus

A: unnecessarily harsh critic.

B: greedy capitalist.

C: misleading public speaker.

15. xyloid

A: silly.

B: tinny.

C: woody.

ANSWERS

1. xanthic—[B] yellowish. Not a fan of white wedding dresses, Ana settled on a gown with a xanthic tint.

2. zeitgeist—[C] spirit of the times. Douglas Coupland’s Generation X was praised for capturing the zeitgeist of the early 1990s.

3. xenon—[A] chemical element with atomic number 54. Xenon gas is used as a general anaesthetic because it’s fastacting and non-toxic.

4. xiphoid—[B] sword-shaped. Yucca plants are known for their xiphoid leaves and their lightcoloured blossoms.

5. xilinous—[C] pertaining to cotton. After the air conditioning broke down, Angad wished his suit were made of a more breathable, xilinous fabric.

6. zephyr—[B] light breeze. A zephyr animated the laundry on the line, creating a picture-perfect springtime scene.

7. zygote—[A] fertilised egg. In vitro fertilisation involves creating a zygote outside the human body.

8. xeric—[B] dry. Trees from England don’t tend to thrive in the xeric climate of Arizona.

9. zoolatry—[B] worship of animals.

Meike teasingly accused her boyfriend of zoolatry after watching him fawn over his cat.

10. zymology—[C] science of fermentation. Before refrigerators, zymology offered a way to preserve food and drink.

11. zealot—[C] extreme partisan. Despite the similarities between the two parties’ platforms, zealots on both sides opposed a coalition.

12. xenial—[B] hospitable. The mayor implored the suspicious townspeople to adopt a more xenial attitude toward tourists.

13. zonk—[A] stun, as with a blow. Seeing that Batman was distracted by an overturned school bus, the Penguin snuck up and zonked him with an umbrella.

WORD OF THE DAY*

DEMERSAL

14. Zoilus—[A] unnecessarily harsh critic. Apart from a few predictably scathing reviews from known Zoiluses, Branwell’s novel was well-received.

Living underwater

Alternative suggestions:

"The French Mayor named Sal"

"Judge in divorce case deciding what Al's wife gets"

"Name of a sea salt scrub"

15. xyloid—[C] woody. Heather’s homemade wine had a xyloid taste from the grape stems she had forgotten to filter out.

VOCABULARY RATINGS

7–10: Fair

11–12: Good

13–15: Excellent

Brainteasers

Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles, then check your answers on p139

Match Play

This grid contains matches of different sizes, any of which may be completely unburned, partially burned or completely burned. Matches burn from the head (the red end) to the tail without skipping segments. The numbers outside the grid indicate the number of burned segments in the corresponding row or column. Can you shade in the burned segments to “match” the numbers?

Four in a Row

In this bird’s-eye view, each of the nested squares represents a stack of four blocks, with smaller ones sitting on top of larger ones. Can you find a line of four blocks in a row that are the same colour? You can search in three dimensions, meaning that not all four blocks are necessarily sitting at the same height; they could instead be forming a diagonal line by spanning adjacent heights on the same row, column or long diagonal.

(Match Play) Fraser

MP son; (Four in a r ow) Darren r igby

Sort It Out

The eight pictures below have been sorted into two groups according to a rule. Part of this rule is that in group A’s pictures, the dots are arranged clockwise, whereas in group B, they’re arranged counterclockwise.

Which group should this picture be sorted into?

Criss-Cross Math

Place the digits from 1 to 9 into the nine empty cells so that each of the three rows and three columns form correct equations. Use all nine digits without repeating any of them. All calculations involve only positive whole numbers and should be performed from left to right or top to bottom, ignoring the mathematical order of operations (PEMDAS).

Mathelogical

Each letter in the table stands for one of the whole numbers from 1 through 9. No two of them represent the same number. With the help of the clues, can you figure out which letter stands for what?

Clues:

1. F × J = The two-digit number HJ

2. G × E = The two-digit number DE

3. A × A = D

4. B + E = C

BRAINTEASERS ANSWERS

Match Play

£50 PRIZE QUESTION

Can you identify these famous bridges ?

Four in a Row

Sort It Out

Group A, where the dots follow the order of the colours of the rainbow (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet) in a clockwise direction.

Criss-Cross Math

THE FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WE PICK WINS £50!*

Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

ANSWER TO FEBRUARY’S PRIZE QUESTION

A: Salvador Dali

B: Vincent van Gogh

C: Pablo Picasso

D: Jackson Pollock

Mathelogical

Laugh!

WIN £30 for every reader’s joke we publish!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

I’m a secondary school teacher and on my way into work the other day I killed a bunny. The one day I walk…

Comedian JAKE HOVIS

A girl recently said she recognised me from her vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.

PAUL MADDOCKS,

Hertfordshire

When I grow up I want to be a gambling counsellor. It’s the easiest job in the world. All you have to say is, “I bet you can’t quit!”

Comedian JOHN MELAMED

It’s good I never became a parent, because I recently overheard a guy saying that his son is grounded because he got all Cs on his latest

report card. All I was thinking was that my son would be getting a hero’s dinner and a nice gift.

Comedian DAN REGAN

I said to my husband, “My breasts have gone, my stomach’s gone, say something nice about my legs.”

He replied, “Blue goes with everything.”

Comedian JOAN RIVERS

I remember when my grandmother was on her deathbed. She said to me, “I wish I’d bought a normal bed…”

Comedian JOHN LUKE ROBERTS

I fully support the school strikers on climate change. I’m just annoyed that they didn’t call it the “minors’ strike”.

Comedian MATT WINNING

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the FIREPLACE. Seen online

Did you know that the word “IKEA” is actually made up from two Swedish words? “Ika”, which means “Sunday”, and “Keya”, which means “completely ruined.”

Comedians THE SCRUMMY MUMMIES

When I was younger, I felt like I was actually a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born.

Comedian YIANNI

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. She has a body like an Ancient Greek statue, completely pale, no arms.

Comedian PHIL WANG

Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.

Comedian CAREY MARX

Centaurs shop at Topman. And Bottomhorse. Comedian DAN ANTOPOLSKI

Doggy Day Care

THESE ADORABLE PHOTOS OF PUPPIES SLEEPING AT THEIR DAY CARE CENTRE HAVE STOLEN OUR HEARTS.

Via instagram.com/puppyspring_

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

Comedian PAUL SAVAGE

I’m entering the world’s tightest hat competition. I just hope I can pull it off.

Comedian WILLIAM ANDREWS

When I found out that the amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my permission I was fluming.

Comedian OLAF FALAFEL

I used to think that coffee was a grown-up drink. Then I thought alcohol was a grown-up drink. Now I have finally achieved full enlightenment to understand that it is water that is the grown-up drink.

ALEX PETTIJOHN, via Twitter

My grandfather has the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban at his local zoo. Seen online

Do you ever think about how there are millions of really nice suits just buried underground?

Comedian JAMES MYERS

My ex-girlfriend and I used to role play in the bedroom a lot. Her favourite game was “sexy librarian”, where I’m not allowed to talk and she just reads a book.

Comedian ANDREW RIVERS

CROSSWORD ANSWERS

Not-So-Fancy Dress

Twitter users share their hilarious costume fails:

@MsEmilyAllen: I dressed as Ariana Grande for Halloween and on the street a child yelled, “Look Mum, it’s old Ariana!”

@JoAnnNJ: I’m a teacher and for school book day I just grabbed a cat costume from the first shop I passed. Halfway through the day another teacher told me it said “Naughty little kitty” on the back…

@MemeFinder69: I went to a party dressed as a hand. I spent the whole night getting hit in the face

@KellytheWalsh: I convinced 50 kids at my school to dress all in grey so we could be 50 Shades. I was told it wasn’t school appropriate, so we had to enter the costume contest as “pavement”

Across: 1 Chalice, 5 Consume, 9 Unfair, 10 Misprint, 11 Highways, 13 Images, 14 Esteem, 18 Spacious, 19 Property, 21 Engine, 23 Remora, 24 Countess, 28 Accident, 29 Tarzan, 30 Crunchy, 31 Bandits

Down: 2 Hanoi, 3 Leash, 4 Circa, 6 Obstinate, 7 Screaming, 8 Mannequin, 10 Masts, 12 Got, 15 Streetcar, 16 Explosion, 17 Marrakesh, 20 Yacht, 22 Ire, 25 Ultra, 26 Tired, 27 Slant

60 Second Stand-Up

We chat to quick-witted comedian, Njambi McGrath

WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT SHOW? The parallels between my life in London and my Grandma living in colonial Kenya in the 1940s is interesting. She was living around the time of fascism and narcissism and all of that stuff, compared with all the things that are going on in the news and media now.

WHAT INSPIRES YOUR COMEDY? I love comedy that has some meaning to it. A bit of Chris Rock, Joan Rivers, Trever Noah, Eddie Izzard—it’s comedy that’s not just about mundane things.

DO YOU HAVE A FUNNY TALE ABOUT A TIME YOU BOMBED ON STAGE? The worst gig I have ever done was in Kenya. They didn’t put me onstage until 2.30am, so by the time I got on I was cold, hungry, sleepy, and had to do political comedy to 3,000 drunk people. I started speaking but everyone continued their conversations and I thought I can’t do this, so I asked them if I should carry on and they all said, “Nahh”.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ONE-LINER? My father was never sexist, he beat my brothers and I equally.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A SUPERPOWER WHAT WOULD IT BE? A chameleon can change colour whenever it needs to, and the giant African bullfrog can change gender. I’d like a combination; for example when applying for a job. After I got the job I’d be like “Surprise, I’m a black woman!”

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE OF YOUR OWN JOKES? People are worried about immigration and I just want to say that I’m a good immigrant. I’m now a very good British person, I say British things like, “I beg your pardon” before pushing a lady off her seat. n

Njambi’s memoir Through The Leopard’s Gaze is available from bookshops and on Audible from Jan 31

Beat the Cartoonist!

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-March.

If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50.

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/fun-games by March 7. We’ll announce the winner in our May issue.

JANUARY’S WINNER

The new year is off to a disappointing start for our cartoonist, as his caption, “Right! You’re grounded” couldn’t compete with our reader, Lloyd Horslen, who won voters over with his funny suggestion, “This is not what I meant by fly the nest!” Congratulations Lloyd! Want the chance to snatch the crown? Enter this month’s competition with the details above…

IN THE APRIL ISSUE

AI IN MEDICINE

Find out how Artificial Technology can help with detecting early signs of Alzheimer’s and heart disease

MICROFARMING

Gillian Harvey discovers the creative new ways people are farming our goods

We meet the mature students proving that it’s never too late to learn something new +

STUDYING AFTER YOUR SCHOOL DAYS

LAUGH