Reader's Digest UK Mar 2011

DrIrs

What your plumber won't tell you: p114

"HERE, HOLD THIS PANDA" Face to face with nature's most at-risk baby animals

THE MAN OF 1,000 PATENTS Meet Britain's most prolific inventor

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Barbara Taylor Bradford readersdigest.co.uk

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MARCH 2011

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"JUST ME THE ROACHES AND THE RATS" So why does Samantha Womack want to return to Africa's biggest slum?

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Contents CIIFT 1,

Digest

II LO

Features

FRONT COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY SEAMUS RYAN

36 Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 4

that austerity is good for your health

Holidays used to be a wash out, says James Brown, but he's worked out how to do them properly now

72 Bringing Up Baby The future of a species may rest on whether these impossibly cute and furry babies survive

40 From Soap to Slum EastEnders star Samantha Womack has hit the headlines already this year—but her recent work for Comic Relief has put it all into perspective

82 Stations of the Cross Reverends on the railways who tend to the sick, the needy—and the totally traumatised

48 Mile-High Club Stunning photos prove that even Milton Keynes can look good from the air. Well, almost 56 Don't Lose Your Mind: An A-Z Guide Eating nuts, standing on one leg and other ways to ward off the "senior moments" 62 Patent Genius He's been described by one academic as "the most gifted inventor I've come across". So why have so few of us ever heard of Tony Cuthbert?

68 Oh! What a Lovely Recession Worried about the economy? It turns out

90 I Remember Derren Brown on losing his faith, the art of performing and becoming an illusionist 96

How One Small Yacht...Took on Israel's Navy Highlighting injustice in Gaza spurred a small group of activists into action. But they didn't realise how dangerous things would get 104 Teaching Made Easy PC Meet the expert who believes that children might be better off using computers to teach themselves

L,

Reader's Digest the World's Biggest Magazine published in 50 editions in 20 languages

3

Regulars at the front

On a trip to Cape Town

9 15

a few years ago, we visited one of the huge slums just outside the city. Children of all ages crammed into a sagging one-room shack of a

24 27 31 32

20

school,grateful to get any kind of education at all; the toilet was a bucket around the corner; a man nearby was making a living out of turning discarded drinks cans into decorations. We went home with a new recognition of how much we have—and how little we normally appreciate it.

Samantha Womack had a similar reaction when she went to the Kenyan slum Kibera with Comic Relief—but in her case she actually lived in the slum for a week, and has clearly been profoundly affected by her time there.

If only as much attention could be focused on tackling such desperate living conditions as it was to her recent EastEnders storyline!

Read about her experiences on page 4o.

Gill Hudson theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk Infacebook.com/readersdigestuk readersdigest.co.uk/magazineblogs twitter.com/rdigest

35

Your Letters It's March, and it's time to...

The Power of One No, Really!

Word Power Not If, But When If I Ruled the World: Barbara Taylor Bradford Instant Expert

Regulars at the back 110 1,001 Things: How to...

116 Doctor on the Ward 118 Health Tips 124 Beauty: the future is bright 126 Money: credit-card debt 132 Food with Marco Pierre White 134 Drink: the best Pinot Noir 136 Gardening 138 Wildlife Watch with

Martin Hughes-Games 140 Travel 144 The RD Challenge 146 Books—plus our Book Club 149 Books That Changed My Life:

Daisy Waugh 152 Laughter, the Best Medicine 160 Beat the Cartoonist

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Editor-in-Chief Gill Hudson Managing Editor Catherine Haughney Design Director Martin Colyer Features Editor Simon Hemelryk Deputy Production Editor Tom Browne Editorial Assistant Ellie Rose Art Editor Hugh Kyle Picture Researcher Roberta Mitchell Contributing Editors Caroline Hutton, Harry Mount, James Walton Health Editor Susannah Hickling Online Editorial Assistant Shade Lapite ADVERTISING Account Directors Dominic Eddon, Paul Eyers, Nicky Noble, Chris Shepperson Trade Marketing Manager (Magazines and Books) Simon Nicoll Production Controller Chris Tribe Magazine Marketing Manager Justine Burrows Finance Business Partner—Magazine Anjli Mehta Administrative Assistant MarinaJoannou Publishing Director James Mallinson CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER David Titmuss

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Writers ► Tony Edwards is a former

important to us—and could earn

BBC TV producer, specialising

you money!

in programmes on science,

Letters We pay £30 for all published letters and £50 for the star letter: email us at readersletters@readersdigest. co.uk or write to Readers' Letters,

technology and medicine. He is inspired by inventor Tony Cuthbert: "Although he left school at 15, is seriously dyslexic and lives in poverty, he could be the Edison of the 21st century," Edwards claims. Page 62 ► "We tend to think of the recession as being all doom and gloom, and it has been a difficult time for many. But there's a positive side—we get healthier," says journalist and novelist Alison Kervin, who ponders the discovery that a reduction in wealth produces an increase in health. Page 68

► Benji Wilson, journalist and TV critic for The Daily Telegraph and the Sunday Times, admits he was "always

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about her experiences in the Kibera slum for Comic Relief. Page 40

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Feet the difference

Have your say LETTER OF THE MONTH

MIND BODY SPIRIT

Fossil fools

Attention att moaners: there's never been a better time to be alive--and here are 23 reasons why!

Matt Ridley's article "Cheer Up! It Will Never Happen" is nearly right—we're much better off than 5o years ago. My only quibble is his position on fossil fuels.

He seems to dismiss global warming as

CHEER UP:

nothing to worry about.

Nobody really knows if the warming already recorded is due to increased

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CO2 levels. But by the time it becomes clear, it may be too late. We know that in the Carboniferous age (when many of the fossil fuels were laid down), the CO2 in the atmosphere was three times today's levels. If we continue burning these fuels, who knows when the tipping point may occur. There will be no stuffing the genie back in the bottle if we get it wrong.

Ian Robertson, Ely, Cambridgeshire I've been telling people foryears that the news is so called because the things reported are "new"—in the sense of exceptional. Most planes don't crash, most people get home safely from work, and a large majority of us will die peacefully in our sleep.

We should surely enjoy our eight- or nine-decade holiday on this amazing planet, expressing our joy in our own particular idiom. In Matt Ridley's case, his idiom is

A nd on

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If we continue burning fossil fuels, there will be no stuffing the genie back in the bottle exposing the unnecessary fear spread by politicians and the media.

Trevor Emdon, Thorverton, Exeter

I'm all for positive thinking, but treating "consumption" as a measure of wellbeing ignores the fact that much of it has been paid for with staggering levels of debt.

Any amount of optimism cannot disguise how this country's attempt to borrow its way out of trouble will fuel inflation, leading to higher interest rates that will be hard to cope with for many. Maybe those in danger should consume a bit less. dawnhfoster I just got chatted up by a bloke using Reader's Digest as a prop. Smooth.

Tim Coles, bout 11 hours ago via TweetDeck Bedfordshire 1r/

balk twitterm 1111 a

readersdigest.co.uk

9

Dieting with ease It was great to read about "The Ultimate Diet". I've tried many diets over the years, with some success. But as soon as the diet stopped, the weight piled on again, often more than I'd lost.

However, dieting every other day is perfect. My down days are limited to 60o calories and my up days mean eating normally, including a packet of crisps or a bit of chocolate if I fancy it. This is now my diet for life—I'd recommend it to anybody who's been an unsuccessful dieter.

Sue Chamberlain,

My mum tells me I used to count exactly how many chips I got in burger bars On the subject of meanness, my mother tells me I used to count exactly how many chips I got in burger bars. If my portion wasn't as big as my friends', I'd insist on asking for a discount—or more chips!

£££

Sian Roberts, Flintshire, Wales

Make money by writing in! £50 for the letter of the Reading "Why Unemployment month, £30 for alt Needn't Be a Disaster", it was "How Mean Are You?" had many others. See page clear that Andrew Douglas has examples of stinginess, but I'm little understanding of the harsh 6 for details firmly on the side of the millionaire realities of unemployment for who buys sweets from Lidl instead of the increasing numbers of people. Otherwise cinema. How unfair to call her mean when he wouldn't have written such a patronising, she's treating her grandchildren to a trip self-centred article. to the movies, sweets and all.

I trust he'll declare any fee he earns In any case, why should she purchase from this feature to the Inland Revenue. sweets at an inflated price? It sounds to That way, he can do his bit to support me like she knows the value of money. the genuine unemployed.

Newton Abbot, Devon

Jobless misery

Not so tight

Abigail Watkins, Derbyshire

lain Stewart, Murcia, Spain

Stimulating reading obviously keepsyou perky in later life— Reader's Digest fans can take some inspiration from Joan Hunt, who's been readingthe magazine since she was 17!

She says, "I particularly enjoy the letters [you'll be loving this month's then, Joan], and -'+10

when I'm finished I send it to my son in the Isle of Man." Now 85, despite poor sight,Joan (centre) spends her spare time knittingto help raise much-needed funds for Woking Hospice, often staying up until zam.

"It takes me about two nights to knit a baby jacket," she says. (We're still working out how to cast on.)

10

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

Let's hear it for Joan!

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A man for all seasons

Prize Draw winners!

"The Fell Guy", the tribute to Alfred

Vic Read from Poole in Dorset is one of five winners who recently shared a £10,000 prize draw win. Vic and his partner Gwen (pictured below on the Great Wall of China) are both former

Wainwright, had a special significance for me. In thei940s, my wife's aunt and uncle met Wainwright at a guesthouse and he showed them his notes on the Lakeland Fells. They persuaded him to turn it into a full-length guide...and the rest is history!

And although he was regarded as a very private man, he corresponded for years with my wife's relatives.

Maurice Heslop, Stockton-on-Tees

Eyes wide open "Stay up all night" was the advice for those struggling with depression in "40 FiveMinute Health Fixes". Having had a tough end to the year, I decided to try it. Not only did I get lots done while everyone was asleep—tidying, ironing and a trip to the 24-hour supermarket—but I've slept well every night since (and have more energy).

Keeping my eyes open has opened my eyes!

Rob Stevenson, Padstow, Cornwall Clarifications: In our February article "Treating Your Genes", we state: "Breast cancer affects 45,000 women every year in the UK and kills 13,000 women under go."Although 13,000 do die of breast cancer every year in the UK, only1,300 ofthem are

a teachers, but they now enjoy travelling —somethingthe £2,000 prize will help with. "It'll go towards a two-week holiday on the Black Sea coast of Bulgaria," says a delighted Vic. >> Visit readersdigest.co.uk/prizedraw or read more at readersdigest. co.uk/rdprizedrawblog. Follow us on Twitter at PrizeDrawNicki women undergo. Apologies for the error.

In our item on National Sickie Day in our February issue, Dr Caroline Schuster would like to point out that she wasn't actively recommending that people skive off work —she was merely highlighting some of the psychological thought processes/tricks that people commonly use to bunk off. •

ATTENTION PLEASE! WE WANT YOUR SUBMISSIONS! Do you have a quirky gardening or beauty tip? Or perhaps some health advice? If so, we want to hear from you. We welcome all reader contributions—it's a great chance to seeyour name in print and earn some money in the process. We pay £50 for all published submissions to Health, Beauty, Gardening and Wildlife Watch (see p6 for details of other regular contributions). Send an email to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk.

12

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am 4,see The latest Shakespeare to get a Hollywood update is The Tempest. And, as a spectacle, it challenges even Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet, with director Julie Taymor making the whole thing look like an explosive dream. Helen Mirren (above) plays Prospera, a sorceress washed up on a remote island (she's a he in the original play). readersdigest.co.uk

Rango. Johnny Depp voices a lost pet chameleon who becomes sheriff of a lawless desert town. Made by the directors of Pirates of the Caribbean, this is one of the most realisticlooking animated movies yet (apart from the lizards wearing cowboy hats).

Bill Nighy also stars—as Jr. NG, an evil rattlesnake.

15

TIME TO...

Pa As the world turns increasingly into an episode of Star Trek, the latest technological advance to hit our streets is the Nintendo 3DS. The world's first three-dimensional games console—which doesn't even need special glasses —is hand-held and has motion sensors to allowyou

LISTEN Radio 2's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent music releases Live and Dangerous/Jailbreak/ Johnny the Fox by Thin Lizzy Think Springsteen shares a beer with Van Morrison at Dino's Bar & Grill.

The 25th anniversary of Phil Lynott's death has prompted this tranche of welcome reissues and a reappraisal of Lizzy's worth. Here are great pop songs bolstered by hard-rock muscle and leavened by a twinkling of Celtic mysticism. And, of course, Lynott brought a raffish sexiness to the bass guitarist's role, traditionally occupied by a stony-faced "quiet one".

The Deep Field by Joan as Police Woman Think the jazzy Joni Mitchell ,'ets Cat Power. Joan Wasser's curious artistic nom de plume—derived from her NYPD garb at a fancy-dress party—may well lead you down the path marked "kooky". But that would be the garden path. Her music is closer to the smooth stylings of Steely Dan than to the outré indie-girl pop of PJ Harvey.

But, if always tuneful, it's never banal.

21 by Adele Think Billie Holiday for the Facebook generation. If you enjoyed the blue-eyed soul of the genial, mouthy London kid's debut 19 (a showcase for her stunning voice and heartfelt lyrics) then you'll love this. Wilder and more

to playgames bytilting it.

You can also film your own 3D movies.

Launch titles include Pro Evolution Soccer 2011 and Super Monkey Ball.

16

ragged (in a good way), it reflects a recent education in US country and roots music provided by her bus driver during a Deep South tour.

ALANL EWIS/ REXFEATU RE S

J• EAT

Indulge your Celtic roots (real or imagined) with Britain's top celebrations of Ireland's patron saint on March 7.

• Birmingham. The St Patrick's Day parade (actually on Marchi3) will be a diverse affair, with contributions from numerous Brummie ethnic minorities.

• Crawley. The West Sussex town has its own monthlong fleadh—a celebration of Irish culture.

• Leeds. An ice rink, dinner dance and live dancing in the city centre are among the highlights.

• Manchester. A huge Irish festival includes a concert

by Shayne Ward, a play about comedian Dave Allen and a perhaps-not-entirely-serious Irish XFactor competition.

• London. The capital hosts the country's biggest parade. There'll also be music, dance and other Irish cultural events in Trafalgar Square.

It's Animal Aid's annual Veggie Month, set up to combat animal cruelty. Try going meat-free at these top veggie restaurants. There's not a nut roast in sight. » David Bann, Edinburgh.

Dishes include ginger-andred-pepper udon noodles, or Jerusalem artichoke with creamed celeriac. » Greens, Manchester.

Co-owned by TV chef Simon Rimmer, it has won several accolades from the Manchester Food and Drink Awards, including Best Restaurant. » Canteen, Cardiff. A three-course meal featuring delights such as a beetroot, walnut and dill risotto will set you back just Ei4.50. » Vanilla Black, London (right).

The only veggie restaurant recommended by the Michelin Guide in London. The decor is punctuated with chandeliers. » Terre a Terre, Brighton.

Times food critic A A Gill called it "probably the best vegetarian restaurant in Britain" after dining on onion-and-chilli crumpets and pickled quail's eggs.

IE)

17

March TIME TO...

CLEAN the credit-crunch way.

This year's trendy, moneyconscious approach to domestic chores is seriously low-tech: Washing lines. Cheaper and more eco-friendly than tumble dryers, even

read The Ancient Art of Tea, Warren Peltier (Tuttle, £15.50) Apart from playing badly in international football competitions, there is no custom more British than sitting down to a cup of tea. Self-confessed "teaist" Warren Peltier traces the 3,000-year history of the drink, translating ancient Chinese texts to reveal the secrets of how to brew a perfect cup. Did you know that the water is best boiled over a direct flame? Nope, neither did we.

really do work (dirt clings to the feathers), according to Rachel Wythe-Moran, co-owner of London hardware shop Labour and Wait. "We sell hundreds and hundreds," she says.

Carpet beaters. Put the Dyson away and have a workout. Prompted by demand, John Lewis are doing a new line this spring.

18

Daffodil Girls, Kitty Dimbleby (Virgin Books, £12.99) The journalist and daughter of broadcaster Jonathan follows 12 army wives for a year to tell the stories of women whose lives have been disrupted by the absence of their soldier lovers. The intertwined accounts give a rare insight into a unique community and what it's like to live your life when your partner is absent—including planningyour marriage to someone who might not return.

The New North: The World in 2050, Laurence C. Smith (Profile Books, £20) In this extended-thought experiment, Smith —a distinguished US geographer—describes howthe world might look in 40 years. Trade and politics, he reckons, will centre around countries that border the Arctic Circle (Canada will host the world's second largest oil reserves) and countries in the north will sell fresh water to the south. Smith also offers frightening alternative scenarios (like an ice age).

Not recommended for reading before bed.

ING RAM PUBLISHING

style websites such as The Women's Room are extolling the virtues of "pegging out".

Clothes airers. Another cheap way to dryyour smalls. John Lewis says that sales of the old-fashioned wooden concertina-type are up 5o per cent on lastyear.

Feather dusters. They

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Sa\jg forests Come into the enchanted wood...while you've still

WHAT I'M DOING RD reader Jonathan Sebire, 30, online journalist Watching This Week (BBC1). I thought the chemistry might change on this late-night politics show after Diane Abbott left. But the other hosts, Andrew Neil and Michael Portillo, have kept it fresh.

Listening The People's Key, Bright Eyes.

FO RE STOFDEA N&WYEVALL ETREVIEW

The indie singer's longawaited CD is magnificent.

I can't switch it off.

Online Ted.com.

A hub for public talks by experts in technology, entertainment and design.

You could spend a lifetime listeningto them.

Reading The Leopard byJo Nesbo. He's being hailed as the new Stieg Larsson and writes fantastic detective fiction.

got the chance. Illegal logging and deforestation have helped half of the world's forests disappear and every year we lose another 36 million acres (about the size of New York State). But it's not just tropical rainforests that are under threat. Plans to sell off our own national forests call into question the future of these important elements of our green and pleasant land. People and animals depend on our wooded areas for food, shelter and work.

So how can you help a forest near you?

Start by... Taking time out on World Forestry Day on March 21 to enjoy your local forest. Walk, cycle or ride a horse through the trees, keeping an eye out for all the wonderful insects, birds and flowers you see along the way.

Then you can... Put your name to one of the online petitions calling to protect our forests. Pledge to buy wood and loo rolls that have been responsibly sourced and certified by the Forest Stewardship Council.

Taking it further... Join a campaign group. Sally Lomax from the Forest of Dean (above) tied yellow ribbons to trees in her area to bring attention to the possible perils of privatisation plans. Others have strung up "For Sale" signs in their local forest and leafleted shops and cafes.

For more details on any of the above, visit readers digest.co.uk/links. Helen Gent • 19

POWER OF ONE The bike club that's breaking the cycle of misbehaviour

How Comic Relief is making young lives better

By Susannah Hickling

Nick Pepper has a lot in common with the kids who come to his BMX club. He may be 53, happily married and a father of five, but he too was once bored, struggling at school and hanging around the streets.

One of ten children, Nick was born in Lawrence Weston, a byword in Bristol for rundown council housing, drugs and teenage pregnancy. He left school unable to read and write and, though he got a decorating job, he was still illiterate in his twenties. But taking up karate proved a turning point. "I wanted to read up about Japanese history," he says. "So my wife Helen and other family members gave me some coaching. Eventually, I got through my first book—aged 26."

As his karate ability rose to 3rd Dan status, Nick started two martial-arts clubs.

Sport had given him confidence and he realised it could boost other underachievingyoung men too. In 2000, his son David,15, took up BMX riding and won a contest to design a track. Having missed out on a lot of David's childhood through work, Nick wanted to develop the project.

He helped his son find some waste ground for the track and open the free L'Dub BMX Race Club for otheryoungsters. Before long, Nick was running it. "I said I'd help for three months," he says. "But it was a great way to get kids doing something positive.

Three months turned into ten years!"

20

The club is now a magnet foryoung people in Lawrence Weston. Nick drafts in local boys who have a reputation as "toerags" and gets them to show their BMX skills off to younger children. He also gets offenders who are on community service to maintain the tracks and carry out bike maintenance."Ifyou give them something positive to do, there's a chance they might change their attitude," he says.

Among Nick's success stories are three club regulars who have gone on to get jobs in bike shops. (One had a history of family problems and drinking, and often got into trouble with the police.)

Comic Relief has given the club £28,000 in the last two years, which has helped Nick improve L'Dub's training, buy new bikes, expand participation and take the club to a level where two members competed in last year's British BMX Championships.

Lawrence Weston's teenagers get a bad press, Nick says, so he's also become their advocate, liaising with the police and other authorities. Thanks to this and the club, PC Sean Underwood, the local community officer, has seen a big drop in antisocial behaviour. "Nick's made a massive difference," he says. "On a Friday night there might be 4o kids down there on bikes. If I see teenagers hanging around the streets, I tell them to go and see Nick."

PHOTOGRAPHED BY SAM FROST

Free-wheeling Nick Pepper helps his BMX riders get off the streets and on their bikes.

And then some

If working 48 hours as a firefighter seems like quite enough community service per week to you, try telling that to Dave Newton.

Dave, 47, also spends 20 hours a week counselling young people at Talk, a service he set up in Preston, Lancashire. The voluntary body's handful of staff help under-25-year-olds come to terms with the effects of bullying, rape, incest and addiction. Talk has received £120,000 from Comic Relief in the last threeyears.

It has its roots in the late19905, when young people on the rough Callon Estate were constantly starting fires, then throwing bricks at the firefighters who came to extinguish them and stealingtheir equipment.

22

Both engines from Dave's station had to attend every blaze: one crew to put it out and the other for protection. If other fires broke out, fire engines had to be called in from a different town.

"People's lives were in danger," says Dave.

So Dave decided to befriend theyoung people on the estate to help them understand the implications of their actions. He visited schools and sought out local gang members.

After four months, there was a 44 per cent drop in the number of fires started.

Enthused, but realising some youngsters had deep-seated reasons for causingtrouble, he trained as a counsellor. Then, in

2006, he established Talk.

Hundreds of young people have been through its doors, but for Dave one client stands out. He'd been abused by family members and was initially too scared to leave his home. But after threeyears of counselling, Dave was invited to his client's first gig at a local club. "It was amazing," says Dave. "He'd been almost a recluse, but here he was singing in front of 300 people. I love this work. It doesn't take from me; it gives to me." > Red Nose Day is Marchi8.

Visit readersdigest.co.uk/ links for more. And on p4o find out how cover star Samantha Womack is helping Comic Relief too. • READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

PHOTOGRAPHED BYGABRIELSZABO/ GUZELI AN

Fightin fires a helpin troubled youngsters are all in a day's work for Dave Newton

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NO, REALLY!

ffor

E.100

your true unny

stories' Write to the address on Page 6

On a flight home recently, a stewardess was serving drinks to the lady seated in front of me.

"Would you like a drink, madam?" she asked.

"I'll have a G&T. That's a gin and tonic toyou."

As quick as a flash, the stewardess responded, "Would you like ice and a slice? That's a slice of fruit and frozen water to you."

Damien Mellon, Northampton in Friends of mine called Fred and Mary were working every spare minute on a fireside rug from a

24

do-it-yourself kit. One day they went out to lunch with an old friend and found themselves seated with a lot of unfamiliar people.

The conversation eventually turned to what everyone had been doing that morning. "Oh, Fred and I just had half an hour on the rug," Mary announced to this group of strangers.

Sylv Arscott, Somerset

atching synchronised diving for the first time on TV,

W

my sevenyear-old son exclaimed, "Wow! That was close.

Who won?"

Theresa Carstairs, Worcester When I was five, my dad gained brownie points from my mum for fixing a leak in the loft quickly and without grumbling.

All was well...until zo years later, when the ceiling began to drip. My dad investigated and found the bucket he'd placed in the loft to catch the original

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

leak. After collecting drips of water for zo years, it had finally overflowed. His DIY short cut was well and truly rumbled!

Emma Peers, Lancashire A Woodland Trust volunteer recently called on my neighbour, looking for donations. Striking up a friendly conversation, the volunteer asked him what he did for a living.

"Builder," my neighbour told him.

"Great!" he enthused.

"What do you build?"

"Log cabins," was the straight-faced reply.

Emma Allum, Hertfordshire

aying a hospital visit to one of my congregation, I was in the lift waiting for my floor when the doors opened and a workman in a hard hat and boots got in.

"Are you going up?" I asked.

"Not as far as

P

readersdigest.co.uk

"Trouble with you, Brett, is that you think you're better than the rest of us"

you, mate," he replied, pointing at my clerical collar.

Andrew Watson, Banbridge, County Down II During a conversation with my husband about a friend who's a vegetarian, our son interrupted to ask what the word meant. He thought about our answer and then suggested, "She may not be a vegetarian because she loves animals.

Maybe she hates plants."

Jack Yardley, Cambridgeshire While talking with a foreign student at work, I asked if she had any pets.

She told me she had a dog,

but couldn't remember the name of the breed.

"But it was the same breed as the dog in the film The Mask," she recalled "Oh, Jack Russell," I said.

"No, Jim Carrey."

Wayne Evans, Leeds My four-year-old grandson came home from school and proudly announced that he was to play "a piece of paper" in his nativity play.

Puzzled, his mother called on the teacher for advice on what sort of costume a piece of paper would need. The teacher eventually stopped laughing long enough to explain that his role was that of a page.

Ken Rock, Bristol 25

l Harry Mount, language guru, tests your A vocabulary . . .

The celebrations to mark the 400th anniversary of the 1611 Authorised Version of the Bible—commonly known as the King James Bible—have done a lot to highlight its beautiful prose. So what better time to test your knowledge of 17th-century English? Answer A, B or C for the words below, all of which appear in the1611 Bible.

1 cherubim (cherr-ooh-bim) n A angels B charming babies C holy statues 2 firmament n A strongly held opinion B the sky C the earth 3 firstling n A the first animal offspring B fresh fruit C quiet voice

B lay siege C throw a long distance

Jehovah n A the devil B Jesus C God shekel (sheck-ul) n A heavy cloth B ancient silver coin C golden altar /

provender n A food

gopher wood n the wood of A Noah's Ark B Herod's table C Christ's cross

B fertiliser C layer of dust

cubit (cue-bit) n A baby goat B square house C ancient measure of length

A WORD IS BORN

covenant n A thin blanket B an agreement C envy

brethren (breth-rin) n A hot breath B crisp bread C fellow members of religious group asunder (a-sun-duh) adv A with extreme force B apart C together intercession (inter-seshun) n A obsession B long meeting C intervention on another's behalf Gomorrah (gomm-or-ah) n A wicked town in Palestine B psalm C ancient holy language

peradventure (purr-adventure) adv A however B perhaps C at last

tarry (tarr-ee) vA stay for a while ILLUSTRATED BY BEN KIRCHNER/HEART

.............

Cover star **., Samantha Womack's favourite word?

"Alignment"—I like the idea of things all falling into .1 ............. ••

Protirement is a combination of "pro" and "retirement", meaning early retirement from work with the intention of taking up something fulfilling. Whereas retirement implies an inactive state, protirement suggests a more pleasing—and still active—life.

The word has actually been around for half a century, ever since it was coined

by US broad-caster Arthur Godfrey in The American Mercury magazine in 1961. But it's come into vogue nowadays as people downshift or take early retirement. In the case of some lucky tycoons, retirement—or RD RATING protirement—can begin Useful? 6/10 as young as 3o these days. Likeable? 8/10

27

WORD POWER

7 brethren— C fellow members of religious group. "Brethren, let us pray." Old English brothor.

1 cherubim—A 8 asunder —B angels. "The winged apart. "Let no man put cherubim smiled on his them asunder." Old fate." Hebrew kerubim.

English on sundran (in 2 firmament—B a separate place). the sky. "The firmament 9 intercession— C shook with thunder." intervention on another's Latin firmamentum. behalf. "He said prayers of 3 firstling —A intercession for her." the first animal How Latin intercedere Did You Do? offspring of 9-11a good attempt (intervene). the season.

12-13 you're starting 0 Gomorrah—A "The to impress us here wicked town in shepherd 14-15 you're a Palestine. "Gomorrah went out in word-power was destroyed by fire wizard! the snow to from heaven." save the firstlings."

31 peradventure — B Old English fyrst. perhaps. Old French per 4 gopher wood—A aventure (by chance). the wood of Noah's Ark. "The gopher wood was robust during the flood." cubit—C measure of length, roughly equal to the length of a forearm.

"Goliath was taller than David by many cubits."

Latin cubitum (elbow).

6 covenant —B an agreement. "Abraham made a biblical covenant."

Latin convenire (agree).

12 tarry—A stay for a while.

13 Jehovah—C Hebrew name for God. "We called on Jehovah to help us." Medieval Latin lehouah.

14 shekel— B silver coin. "His coat was worth many shekels."

Hebrew segel (weigh).

15 provender—A food. "The cows were

More Word Power on the Web! For more vocabulary-building fun online, go to readersdigest.co.uk/wordpower.

28

WORD JOURNEY The Cappuccino is now an everyday drink, but the frothy coffee has exotic, medieval and monastic origins.

It gets its name from the Capucin monks, whose habits are coffee-coloured.

The Capucins are an order of Saint Francis, set up in 1528. They in turn took their name from the cappuccio, the hood of their distinctive uniform. An "-ino" ending acts as a diminutive in Italian. So next timeyou ask for a cappuccino in your local cafe, you are strictly asking for a baby Franciscan monk's hood. grateful for their provender in the cold and the snow."

Latin praebenda (things to be supplied). •

If you have a word-related question or language teaser for Harry, please email theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk.

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

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1 t k Ri mom oer takes a look at ,what the future has in store i

NOT IF, BUT WHEN...

Batteries not excluded

Targeting the real pests

Batteries are heavy, bulky and inefficient. But, in December, a Florida-based spin-off from the US Department of Energy's National Renewable Energy Laboratory demonstrated a concept for "printing" lithium ion batteries, designed to turn bulky chunks into flexible sheets a tenth of a millimetre thick.

Safer, more efficient, longer lasting and potentially cheaper than traditional batteries, these ones are also seriously useful. By 2020, you could have emergency tents of flexible waterproof

It's been said that malaria has killed more people than all wars put together, so nothing that might help

solar panelling lined with these sheets. They could provide shelter, heat and power, all on a stand-alone basis without any need for grid connection. readersdigest.co.uk

Danger alert!

Phones at risk In the developing world, mobiles are proving more useful than computers.

Retail, banking and microfinance built around the benefits of SMS messaging are increasingly common throughout Africa, Asia and South America.

Part of the appeal is security—low-end mobiles are harder to hack than computers and smartphones. So it's bad news that Technische Universitat Berlin researchers recently demonstrated software programs called "binaries" that can cripple these handsets. As different phones have different operating systems, a universal "patch" won't work.

Phone viruses could be holding African economies to ransom by 2025.

beat it is to be dismissed.

But some ideas seem more unusual than others.

Intellectual Ventures Lab, an innovation network founded by a former chief technology officer at Microsoft, has come up with a laser

system that tracks and zaps mosquitoes in flight.

Built from reclaimed electronics components, it's been designed to selectivelytarget the bugs (as opposed to, say, bees) when theyfly through a laser grid. Eventually it's hoped the technology can be extended to deal with other vermin. From 2020 no mouse will be safe! • 31

WORLD TRAVELLER

This month, Barbara Taylor Bradford lays down the law to Caroline Hutton

Who's doing what around the globe ► Computer games experts Sega in JAPAN are developing possibly their oddest conceptyet: games consoles for public urinals.

The interface—in which the player controls the game on the screen above by peeing on sensors in the urinal—is aimed at restaurants and retail premises. Games include cleaning graffiti off walls and putting fires out with, erm, a hose. ► In Pennsylvania, US, antiquated state laws forbid the sale of wine from grocery shops. Strangely though, they don't prohibit vending machines from selling it, provided the machine is equipped to breathalyse the customer, take a swipe of their ID and show their face to a state official watching via CCTV. The Pronto Wine Vending Machine has been designed to do just that, and US giant Walmart recently obtained permission to stock them in its Pennsylvania stores. Bottoms up! ► Rail passengers in Europe will be able to work while on the move. A meeting room, called "Le Salon", is being installed on each of the high-speed trains run by rail operator Thalys between PARIS, BRUSSELS, AMSTERDAM and COLOGNE. ► In GERMANY, a marketing firm has launched the NoseDial app for iPhones. As its name suggests, it allows the user to keep their gloves on in the cold, and dial using their noses.

...I'd make sure that women had equal rights in everything. Despite all our efforts it's still a man's world.

Of course,you do hear about some women breaking the glass ceiling, but not enough.

I'd tell women to stand tall and not be cowed by men. A lot of men are intimidated by strong, clever and hardworking women, but I say that's tough! Luckily I'm married to a man who can't stand wimpy women... ...I'd create a proper park in every city. I'd tear down ugly and unused buildings and create large green spaces available to all. It's so important to be in leafy surroundings and refreshed by nature. I'd like to see more free events in the parks such as theatre productions.

Also, the sale to developers of so many school playing fields is shocking; every school should have plenty of open space for sport and recreation.

_I'd ensure that people Learn to read. I'm appalled at the statistics of illiteracy in the US-3o million cannot perform everyday literacy

32

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

IF I RULED THE WORLD tasks and 63 million can only perform limited tasks. That's a death sentence for millions.

My mother read to me, and I could already read when I went to nursery. It's up to parents, carers and teachers to put an end to illiteracy. I'd make publishers donate unsold books to libraries or schools instead of pulping them and I'd put more government money into keeping libraries open and relevant.

...I'd ban all grungy clothing, especially that worn by men. I look at young men today and, although many of them are goodlooking, they look so scruffy!

Even if their clothes aren't actually dirty they certainly

look as if they are. It's not palatable. And why don't they shave? I wouldn't want to get a rash kissing all that stubble.

I was shopping in Paris recently with my husband Robert. I said, "But who buys all these beautiful clothes?

No one I can see..." ...I'd encourage everyone

to keep working. People who retire tend to fade away and die. Look at me—I'm 77, but I feel 22 inside and I don't ever plan to stop working.

Why? Because work keeps me mentally alert, it defines who I am and I don't have to resort to finding things to do. What would I do? Go for lunch with girlfriends?

Forget it!

BARBARA TAYLOR BRADFORD was born and brought up in Yorkshire, but has lived most of her life in New York with her husband, television producer Robert Bradford. Her books have sold more than 82 million copies in over 90 countries and 4o languages, and she is one of the richest living authors. Ten mini-series and television movies have been made of her books. She was appointed an OBE for her services to literature in 2007. She is involved in a number of charity projects around the world, including Literacy Partners. Her 26th novel, Playing the Game, is out now. readersdigest.co.uk

"I'd tell women to stand tall and not be cowed by men"

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Harry Mount gives you the facts behind the news

INSTANT EXPERT

The census March 27 is Census Day, when the national population is counted— an administrative ritual that has taken place every decade since 1801.

■ Things have changed a little since then. On March 10,1801,the average household size was 5.6 people; this had shrunk to 2.4 by the time of the last census in 2001. Ini8ci, the British population was 9.3 million; it had grown to 58.8 million by 2001. That includes Scotland and Northern Ireland, both of which hold their own separate census on March 27.

■ The census—costing £450 million—is more than just a head-counting exercise. An accurate estimate of the population is needed to work out how much is spent, and on what, when it comesto things like the NHS, education, local authorities and transport.

■ Methods of counting have changed over the years.

Last time, the questionnaires were delivered and collected

FILLING UP THE CENSUS PAPER. Wife of his bosom: "UPON MY WORD MR PEEWIT: IS THIS THE WAY YOU FILL UP YOUR CENSUS? SO YOU CALL YOURSELF THE 'HEAD OF THE FAMILY —DO YOU—AND ME A FEMALE!"

by hand. This time, all British households will receive them by post, oryou can fill them in online. For the first time, Facebook has been enrolled in the exercise, with a new 2011 Census Family Historygroup*where you can share thoughts on howyou've used census data to trackyou r family history.

• Running a census requires huge logistical effort—much of it carried out by the US company Lockheed Martin, which has been awarded the £150-million contract to capture all the data. Census regulations must be laid before Parliament (a census

*See readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblink

a

test run was carried out in October 2009 in the London borough of Newham, the Isle of Anglesey, Birmingham and Lancaster). About 35,000 people have been employed to carry out the census, including 325 address checkers—you might have seen one walking down your street last summer.

■ Each questionnaire contains 56 questions— including details of the number of bedrooms and the type of central heating inyour home, and how well you speak English.

Soap-dodgers can relax, though—unlike in the 2001 census, we won't be asked whether we have access to a bath or shower. • 35

Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 4 I've worked out the art of going on holiday and it's easier, and cheaper, than you think

I used to be rubbish at going on holiday. Back in my twenties I would hare off to the same cities I went to for work—New York, Los Angeles—where I'd ride in cabs, get drunk, have meetings and never relax.

Sounds fun, but it wasn't a holiday. I'd come back worn out and jet-lagged, with a pocketful! of receipts no one was going to cash and a hangover I'd carry back into the office.

Truth is, I was scared of the unknown and not sure about booking hotels abroad. I went all over the place for work, but just saw music venues, nightclubs and hotel bars. I'd grown up goingto the sleepy town of Filey in Yorkshire for every school holiday. Much as I enjoyed it (and still do), it didn't exactly prepare me for how to book a flight to Goa. Twentyyears on, I've learned how to have far better holidays —and more often, too. Right now, because I came with six friends who all chipped in just £500 each, I'm sitting in a place that's made us all gawp in awe. It's a stunning modernist villa with an infinity pool and beautiful fittings built by a Hollywood producer on top of a Grenadine island.

The breeze runs through the house from the back— where there's a view of billionaire's paradise Mustiqueto the front, where we can see the bay Edward Teach (aka Blackbeard the Pirate) chose to stay in when he ruled these waters. If you need a clearer idea of what it looks like, they filmed Pirates ofthe Caribbean on the next island along.

The food's cheaper than the UK, too. I'm not going to tell you the name because it's a fantastic secret to discover, but you can work it out using Google with those clues.

36

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

Before you switch off and think, What's this got to do with me? I've already booked our regular two weeks in Portugal, I'll tell you. I've

PHOTOGRAPHED BYPALHANSEN; MAT THEWSANKEY/ PROPERGANDER

worked out it's costing me just £3 an hour. That should bring a smile to anyone's face. That's a cheaper rate than a novice babysitter. Or, to put it more bluntly, if I cut the weekly Indian takeaway order down by the third that's always left uneaten and save a tenner, I can be sitting in a movie-star home overlooking a pirate's paradise everyyear. And if I cancel that direct debit I've forgotten, I can fly there in style, too.

The reason I've gone to the trouble of breaking down the cost is that a mate of mine, Bernard, has just fulfilled his lifetime ambition and sailed across the Atlantic. Before he set off, he and his crew spent two weeks in Las Palmas preparing theyacht and he was brassed off that they insisted on eating in the cheapest canteens and cafes because they were "on a budget".

They thought he was spoiled because he wanted to eat in nice restaurants, and he in turn was frustrated that "they didn't mind spending all night boozing and smoking. They didn't seem to be on a budget when they were doingthat".

Smokers and boozers spend thousands ayear on their vices, then claim poverty readersdigest.co.uk

I'd never been on holiday en masse before. I'd shuddered at the idea of a "basics kitty"Adfik IL

vf, at the idea of splashing out on decent food.

Which brings us to the bigger view— you can pimple your life with short-term highs like an extra pack of fags, another night down the pub or a gym membership you rarely use. Or you can mobilise your friends, start buying or renting luxury villas in bulk and, if the kids are of an age to want to stay at home instead of going on holiday with you,you can recapture some of that freedom you surrendered for the joys of parenthood.

I'd never been on holiday en masse before. I'd shuddered at the idea of a

"basics kitty". But this luxury villa on a bulk budget definitely has its ups. My friend's just said to me: "When I was little and obsessed with Dynasty! imagined Alexis Colby went on holiday to a luxury villa in the Caribbean. And now I am, too." And with that she happily wandered off to buy some freshly caught tuna. Which, for the accountants and skinflints amongyou, works out cheaper than the cans. • > James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: "We can't concentrate, why should you?"

Why the name? you may ask. Although ants are the main diet of this stylish insect, you couldn't say it shares many similarities with lions—although some scientists have claimed that "lion" just means "killer" in this context.

And a very efficient killer it is, too.

Favouring sandy environments, the antlion larvae uses its abdomen to dig a hole about two inches deep, then gobbles up any small insects that have the misfortune to fall in.

This gruesome method served as an influence for the dreaded Sarlacc in the film Return of the Jedi —a creature that inhabits a hole in the desert and digests its (human) victims over 1,000 years.

38

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

STUARTWILSON/ SCIENC EPHOT O LI BRARY

This month, the antlion

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"The things I would normally have got terribly upset about are irrelevant"

When Samantha Womack swapped EastEnders for an African shanty town, she saw for the first time what human drama really means

From soap By any reckoning, the first few months of this year have been dramatic for Samantha Womack. Her storyline on EastEnders about a cot death and baby swap led to thousands of complaints, forcing the programme's producers to cut the plot short. This was followed by the news that Womack will be leaving the soap in May (though her agent calls it a "break" that was agreed with producers months ago).

In the media melee that followed,

By Benji Wilson PHOTOGRAPHED BY SEAMUS RYAN

she endured paparazzi shots of herself with her children—Ben, nine, and Lily, five—and being called a murderer in a supermarket by members of the public unable to separate fact from fiction.

But, she says, it pales into cance compared wilt cently to help Co Lenny Henry, Reggie Yates and Angela Rippon, Womack spent a week living in Africa's largest slum, Kibera in Nairobi, Kenya, as part of the two-part documentary Famous, Rich and in the Slums. The programme, shown in the fr) 41

"The things I would normally have fr) run-up to Red Nose Day this month, aims to raise awareness of how even got terribly upset about are irrelevant," small donations can make a difference she says. "You can just go, 'What a bunch of nonsense,' with everything. The arguto basic education and health care.

Kibera is only around a mile square ments in the supermarkets, all that."

I bet it was back to the Intercontinental but contains more than a million people.

Houses are shacks with corrugated iron once the cameras stopped rolling. If that's roofs, roads are litter-strewn paths and your first thought when you hear that raw sewage is as common as stray dogs. four celebrities spent a week "in the Some six in ten residents have HIV/Aids slums"...well, initially Womack had the and around 20 per cent of children die same feelings.

"I have to say, I was sceptical. I before their fifth birthday. The average wage is 35p a day. Nobody cares about thought they weren't really going to fictional storylines, actors or TV. They're leave us, but they did." too busy trying to survive.

Against that backdrop, Womack finds The group was told what to expect by the mere mention of the EastEnders Craig Last and Abdul Kassim, a pair brouhaha during our interview border- of aid workers living in Kibera. Then, line insulting. "I don't want to bring that before being taken to the shacks that into the equation—it belittles the real would be their homes, all of their subject matter here," she says. "It would valuables and belongings were taken away—jewellery, money, toothbrushes, suncream—to remove any temptation Sun for robbers. Security officers were stationed close by, but nothing could be Enders lost plot guaranteed.

Womack, who is married with cot death to actor Mark Womack, gave up her baby swap wedding ring. The celebrities then changed into clothes picked up for them at the local market. d.

"We had exactly what somebody would have if they were coming to Kibera looking for work," says Womack.

"And we couldn't quite believe it. We jeopardise the campaign for Kibera, and were all pretty terrified."

Womack's home was an eight-footthat's so important to me."

What she will say is that after a by-eight-foot mud but next to an open week in Kibera, the travails of her soap latrine. The shack contained a bed, a character Ronnie Branning and the rickety chair, a gas burner for food and hand-wringing of the British tabloids a kerosene lamp. She had no running water. On her first night, entirely alone, all seem a little inconsequential.

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From riches to rags: Samantha had to ditch all her belongings and change into clothes from the local market —a very different kind of drama from the furore following the EastEnders "baby swap" plot (Left)

I) she went to the toilet in a plastic jug.

"I didn't want to go outside."

Basic provisions were provided, but she had to buy other food, such as tomatoes and bananas, from a street market. Given just £1.60 in Kenyan shillings, she would need a job to survive beyond a day.

The next morning Adbul took her to Kibera's AMREF (an African health organisation) hospital that specialises in HIV and malaria treatment, but also offers a midwife service. She was handed a bucket and mop.

"I worked in the hospital, cleaning.

The toilets were unimaginable. I would go first thing in the morning, when they'd been used all night. I can't even go into detail about what that was like.

I was getting rid of the most horrific deposits, then I'd get back and there

"When the camera guy goes and it's just you in the middle of Kibera_ those were some of the loneliest moments of my life" was more. It was soul-destroying. When Elizabeth, a woman I'd met who..."

At this point there are tears in her eyes. Elizabeth, whom she befriended, had come into the hospital and given birth to a stillborn boy. When Womack spoke to her, the baby was on a tray on the other side of the room. It was cruelly 44

ironic, given the EastEnders storyline she'd just filmed. But the soap opera couldn't have been further from her mind at that point.

"I emotionally and physically froze because I didn't know how to process what I was seeing. It was the most extraordinary-looking baby, as far away from me as you are, curled up, dead. Just because Elizabeth hadn't had enough money to come to the hospital and get checked out. She'd opened her legs in reception and the baby literally fell out."

Womack wanted to offer consolation, but she had her job to think about.

"I had to clean up the blood. Elizabeth was worrying that she didn't have enough money to bury her son. I'd just sat down on this box at the back of the hospital to take a moment when a nurse told me this. I asked, 'What happens to that baby now?'

"She replied, 'Well, the incinerator.

That's where you're sitting.' " Though Womack struggles in recalling the moment, at the time, she says, she didn't get sentimental.

"How offensive would it have been for me to be weeping for my own feelings? I just thought, Don't you dare!"

Instead, she says, it hit her later. "It would come to me at night because often in the day you would have a camera crew with you. But when you close the door to your but and the camera guy says, 'I'll see you in the morning,' and it's just you in the middle of Kibera...those were some of the loneliest moments of my life."

Her but had no TV or radio. "It was READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

The red nose brigade: {Left to right) Angela Rippon, Lenny Henry, Samantha Womack and Reggie Yates in Kibera

SIEGFRIED MODOLA/ COMICRELIEF

just me, the roaches on the floor and the rats on the roof. As I was lying there I could hear the family next door. They had 15 children in their shack."

The burble of songs and rhythms from Kibera's residents singing and drumming together provided a constant soundtrack. "I'd lie there listening to this music thinking, I'm never going to have an experience like this again for the rest of my life."

The documentary is tough to watch,

let alone take part in. Angela Rippon worked alongside a cleaning lady who, she discovered, was also a prostitute; Reggie Yates was emptying toilets on his first night. It was a world away from the usual celebrity charity film where a famous name flies in, poses with skeletal Africans and flies out again. Why did Womack put herself through it? readersdigest.co.uk

"I travelled lots as a girl—my grandmother was a cruise-ship choreographer —but moving into the age I am [she's 38], I thought, Well, I want to take myself out of my life a little bit now."

The project also interested her because it was fully immersive. "Sometimes when you visit somewhere, you don't really get a sense of the place."

She could not have come away with a stronger sense of Kibera, a place where by the age of 16, two-thirds of girls have exchanged sex for food; where one of the first things a resident said to her as she was led to her but was, "How long are you here for? Seven days? I think you're going to die!"

"The first time you see it, it's breathtaking. It's tragic and beautiful at the same time. You stand on this massive train track right at the top where these trains pummel into Kibera—because it's on railway land—and you look down 41.‘ 45

ri and there are all these higgledypiggledy roofs and furling smoke and this overpowering smell of sewage, fat, smoke and dust. That first impact will stay with me."

During our interview, she goes from crying at some of what she saw to sheer delight at other aspects. "In one way I'd go, 'Gosh, nothing can ever be as bad as that,' but at the same time I've never felt so connected to people."

She says she fell in love with the family next door. "Every now and then the little girl, Pamela, would come in and give me a cuddle. That holding and cuddling they do—all the holding hands—we've lost that. We've got cappuccino makers, four different kinds of milk, but we've fundamentally lost what they've got, which is human spirit.

At times I miss that."

The Kiberan people, she says, don't want our pity. "As much as they're

suffering, they keep their heads up and walk proud. They're the most motivated and dynamic people I've ever met. They just want a bit of help so they can do what they need to do to make their lives better."

It leaves Samantha Womack in a strange place that has nothing to do with leaving EastEnders or whatever acting roles she may take up next.

"What's difficult for me is I just want to go back [Comic Relief is trying to make this happen soon]. I feel like I'm treading water until I do, because I got so close to so many people. Everything that you do here seems OK, but I've never felt as valued and as alive as I did when I was helping in Kibera." > Famous, Rich and in the Slums is on BBC1 later this month. Red Nose Day is March 18. To find out more and get involved, visit rednoseday.com.

NEXPECTED ENCOUNTERS IN A CANOE: PART 1

Imagine a quiet paddle being interrupted by a whale breaking the surface to scoop up a mouthful of herring. "Paddle really fast! is the only thing I could think of at the time," says canoeist Dr Richard Kraft (a dentist!), from Sitka County, Alaska. Sadly, he didn't comment on the condition of the mammal's teeth.

46

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

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Stonehenge has a front door? Milton Keynes is really interesting?

As a new Reader's Digest book shows, Britain's landmarks are transformed when seen from mid-air

•

STONEHENGE Set high on the rolling expanses of Salisbury Plain, the concentric pattern of the iconic monument and the surrounding earthworks are clearly visible from above. It was constructed in three main stages between 3,000 and 1,5ooBc. Stone circle. Thirty vast sarsen —or sandstone—blocks were transported 20 miles from the Marlborough Downs and erected with lintels.

Originally forming a continuous circle, 17 are upright. They are up to 30 feet high and weigh as much as 50 tons.

O

North-eastern entrance. Aligned at the point where the sun rises Ec during the midsummer solstice, the • "front door" originally consisted of two E upright parallel stones. Only one, now T, fallen, survives.

• OTrilithons.

These consist of a pair • of sarsen uprights and a lintel. '" Five are arranged into a horseshoe, cc inside the stone circle. Some had designs resembling axes and daggers • carved into them.

•0

Earthwork enclosure. The first • construction at the site was a cc circular bank and ditch (or "henge") .Tc about 320 feet in diameter. Labourers o dug using deer antlers as tools.

49

EDEN PROJECT The environmental educational centre near St Austell in Cornwall opened ten years ago this month. An instant hit, it drew almost two million visitors in its firstyear alone.

Eden's distinguishingfeature is the vast conservatories, or "biomes", of steel tubing and clear-plastic bubbles (below).

0

China-clay pits. When developer Tom Smit bought the abandoned china-clay pits that were to become Eden it was a vast hole over 200-feet deep. His team moved 1.9 million tons of earth in six months before landscaping the area. The site is so vast that a train runs from the top to the bottom.

Rainforest biome. The world's largest greenhouse:160-feet high, 360-feet wide and 790-feet long.

Plants from South America, Africa, and Malaysia are kept in temperatures between 18 and 35 degrees C.

THEGEOINFORMATIONGROU P (AERIALVIEW)

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Outdoor landscape. A carefully planted "roofless biome" features plants that thrive in cooler climates, such as Britain and Russia.

O

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Mediterranean Biome. Recreates the hot, dry summers and cooler winters of the Med, Chile and South Africa. It includes terraced olive groves. and Californian grasslands.

51

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MILTON KEYNES The sprawling conurbation designated as

THEG EOINFORMATIO NGROUP ( A ERIAL VIEW); PETER PACKER/ BRITAIN O N VIEW/ PHOTOLIBRARY.CO M

a new town in 1967 has a population of 230,000, but 22 per cent of its area is parkland. This view shows Willen Park.

Peace Pagoda.

Japanese Buddhist order Nipponzan Myohoji began building pagodas after the Second World War, starting in Hiroshima. it= In 1980, the Milton Keynes structure became the first to be built in the West.

Monks and nuns from the group live in a nearby temple.

ClkCathedral of Trees. Planted in Vor1986, this was designed to recreate the ground plan of Norwich Cathedral. Evergreens define the tower, spires and walls, while the nave is lined with hornbeams and limes. Flowers are planted so their colours mimic that of sunlight shining through the stained glass onto the floor.

Willen Maze. The 230-foot-wide pattern cut into the turf is one of the world's largest labyrinths. It consists of a single1.9-mile path that leads from the outside to the centre.

Road network. The town is built in a grid, with roads labelled "V " (vertical) for a north-south direction or "H" (horizontal) for east-west.

53

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BRITAIN & IRELAND

The Best of Britain & Ireland from the Air (Reader's Digest, £29.99) is out now. To order a copy. go to shop. readersdigest.co.uk

BLACKPOOL A fashionable resort for the wealthy during the 18th century, the town rose to more mainstream fame in the mid-19th 2 century with the growth of the railways 0 0 and when Lancashire factories began to close for a week's summer holiday. Today, c, it has six million visitors ayear.

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Blackpool Tower. Its 519-foot shadow cast across our ,T.,< picture, the L' famous tower was built from 3,534 tons of 0 steel, 358 tons of cast iron and 00 is protected by nine tons of paint. Ten thousand light bulbs adorn its length.

0 304 •

Golden Mile. The central section

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is home to such traditional delights as Kiss Me Quick hats, comic postcards and the tram. Much of the town's LT, 7.2 miles of golden sand lies beside it.

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Central Pier. Dominated by a

@huge Ferris wheel, it also hosts variety shows. To the south lie the Pleasure Beach and South Pier, with their theme-park rides.

11.1

North Pier. The town's first and longest pier (1,650 feet) was opened in 1863 and has a 1,500-seat theatre and even a helipad. It continued 3 the line of Talbot Road, the site of 5 Blackpool's first railway station.

55

LOSE YOUR MIND An guide 56

There are over 750,000 people with dementia in the UK—that's one in 14

people over the age of 65. And while there's optimism that one day we will have a cure for Alzheimer's, the most common form, experts are starting to shift their focus to prevention. "Many researchers now see Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia as diseases of 'lifestyle' as well as genetics," explains Jean Carper, author of a new book 100 Simple Things You Can Do to

Prevent Alzheimer's and Age-Related Memory Loss (10.99). "The cumulative findings from many different studies are starting to show that it's the changes in the brain that happen during our thirties and forties that lead to dementia later," adds Anne Corbett, research communications manager at the Alzheimer's Society.

On the following pages, leading experts tell you the preventative steps—many of them just simple lifestyle changes —that you can take right now READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

C OUR TE S Y OF ALZHE IMER 'S NEW ZEALA N D

DON'T

Exciting new research suggests that a life full of "senior moments" isn't an inevitable part of growing older. Getting into good habits in mid-life can protect our brains as we age. Ai lai ida Riley-Jones reports

= nkle-Brachial Index Test Researchers at the University of Edinburgh have shown that this simple test (which compares blood pressure levels in the ankle and arm) can predict brain trouble

"As little as 15 minutes' brisk walking every day may delay brain-ageing byyears."

if levels differ. It gives an indication of blocked arteries and therefore possible cognitive impairment.

Blackcurrants, plums, cabbage, spinach and broccoli are packed with antioxidants that can slow cognitive

Balance A University of Washington study of over-65s found that a decline in physical balance was one of the first signs of future dementia.

Whetheryou are 3o or 7o, practise daily standing on one legfor 30 seconds with eyes open and arms crossed, says Jean Carper.

Cholesterol High total cholesterol in mid-life increases the risk of Alzheimer's later in life by 66%, accordingto Finland's University of Kuopio.

Reduce "bad" cholesterol by avoiding saturated fats, trans fats, keeping to a normal weight and, if recommended byyour GP, taking statins, says Carper. The Alzheimer's Society recommends annual cholesterol and blood pressure checks for over-4os.

FOODCOLL ECTION/ PHOTOLIBRARY.CO M

and vibrant," says Dr GregJicha, a neurologist at the University of Kentucky.

Depression Depression seems to be a risk factor, according to the University of Massachusetts. "There's also the difficulty that early-onset Alzheimer's is often misdiagnosed as depression because many GPs don't expect to see it in patients below 65," says Anne Corbett.

Exercise "Exercise stimulates the birth of new nerve cells in the brain, keeping ityoung readersdigest.co.uk

Fruit and Veg

decline and help prevent Alzheimer's, says Carper.

Gum Care Beware bleeding or inflamed gums, warns Carper. The infection that causes gum disease could give off inflammatory by-products which it's thought may be toxic to brain tissue, accordingto the University of West Virginia School of Dentistry.

High Blood Pressure A strong predictor of dementia is high systolic blood pressure—over i4ommHG —in mid-life, according to the US National Institute on Aging. Carper advises regular blood-pressure checks, appropriate drugs prescribed byyour GP, increasing exercise and giving up sugary drinks.

infections There is a controversial theory that infections—including flu—may trigger the production of beta-amyloid, a protein that is a major factor in the formation of amyloid plaques, one of the hallmarks of Alzheimer's in the brain. The University of Manchester is currently gr. undertaking research into the link 57

when needed.

Junk the Fast Food Neurobiologists at Sweden's Karolinska Institute found that giving lab rats a high-fat, high-sugar; highcholesterol diet caused brain changes very similar to those of Alzheimer's.

Keep Your Brain Active Many experts believe that reading, playing games and other challenging activities may stimulate brain cells. "It appears that cognitive exercise protects against future memory loss," says Dr GregJicha. "Doing something new is particularly beneficial."

Less Alcohol A Finnish study has shown that bingeing at least once a month in mid-life—say, a bottle of wine in one sitting—makes usthreetimes more liketo develop Alzheimer's 25years later.

However, Norway's University of Tromso found moderate wine consumption linked with better performance. "A glass of red wine a day could be beneficial;' says Corbett.

Mediterranean Diet New York's Taub Institute for Research on Alzheimer's Disease and the Aging Brain recommends a diet high in fruit and vegetables, whole grains,fish and unsaturated fats (eg, olive oil).

antioxidant. Higher vitamin E intake from foods may be associated with a reduced risk of Alzheimer's and cognitive decline," says Glen Matten, nutritional therapist at London's Hale Clinic. He suggests simply eating a handful of almonds or walnuts each day.

Omega-3 Fat Participants who ate fish at least once a week had 6o% less risk of Alzheimer's, according to a US study published in the journal Archives of Neurology. "DHA, a type of omega-3 fat found in oilyfish, may inhibit production of harmful plaques in the brain," says Matten.

Put Vinegar on Everything Vinegar does not confront Alzheimer's directly, says Carper, but there is some evidence that it reduces risk factors that may lead to memory decline and dementia —such as high blood sugar, insulin resistance, diabetes and weight gain.

uaff Quercetin Antioxidants in apples, particularly quercetin, behave the same as top Alzheimer's drug Aricept, boosting production of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine in the brain, which is essential for forming memories and learning. Apples also reduce the risk of stroke, diabetes and gum disease.

Reduce Your Salt

Nuts

Eating too much salt raises blood pressure and may cause the arteries leading to the brain to become brittle, burst or clogged up. "About 75% of the salt we eat is already in the food we buy. Look for low-salt soups

"Nuts contain vitamin E, which acts as an

and sauces," says Corbett.

58

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

IN GRAMPUBL ISHING

t between the cold-sore virus and the disease. Carper urges taking antibiotics

COURTESY O F CHRIS & LORRAINE MCGLONE

"At first, it was diagnosed as depression" Chris McGlone's wife Lorraine, 48, says, "Chris had atop management job, but retired at 55 as he began having difficulties at work.

"Then he started putting clean clothes in the laundry basket, his handwriting became illegible and his moods unsettled. His GP readersdigest.co.uk

put him on mild antidepressants in spring 2008 but they didn't make much difference, so we started investigations.

doctor and in February last year, a clinical psychologist diagnosed early-onset Alzheimer's and prescribed Aricept. We were so

"One day, Chris turned up at my work, frightened to death, because he'd parked his van and lost it.

I took him straight to the

shocked, but Chris was relieved to have a label for what was happening to him and even got his old sense of humour back."

59

Norman McNamara (pictured above with wife Elaine) was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in 2008 and prescribed the drug Exelon.

"I stopped taking it as it made me feel sick," says the former store manager from Torquay. "But within 60

a few months, I couldn't get my words out and was stumbling when I walked. I was absolutely petrified.

My wife Elaine took me to my consultant who then prescribed Ebixa.

"Since then, I've got my life back," smiles Norman.

"Of course, I still have my

`cloudy days' when it's like having a net curtain in front of me.

"But when I have days with clarity, I see the world in my usual happy way. I have a wonderful family and I've written two books about Alzheimer's. I will not give in to this illness."

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

PHOT OG RAPHED BYSA MFR OST

"The right drug gave me my life back"

...tub It Out

■ Vascular dementia: high blood

in the risk of dementia. "We think smoking makes the arteries leading to the brain

with blood supply to the brain.

■ Dementia with Lewy bodies: tiny

more prone to damage," explains Corbett.

spherical structures inside nerve cells lead to degeneration of brain tissue.

■ Fronto-temporal dementia: initially affects personality, behaviour and emotional responses more than memory.

■ Prion disease (including CreutzfeldtJakob disease): prions are infectious agents that attack the central nervous system and invade the brain.

Twin Toxins The signs specialists look for in brain scans are "plaques" of the protein beta-amyloid and "tangles" of the protein called tau— which develop in the structure of the brain and lead to the death of cells. They build up a decade or more before symptoms appear, so the race is on to find out how to prevent or reduce them, says Carper.

Upbeat Stay optimistic and use physical activity to reduce stress and anxiety, advises Carper. Sweden's Karolinska Institute found that upbeat extroverts are significantly less likely to develop Alzheimer's.

tt

Vitamins

CD

The National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences in the US suggests that lengthening the caps on the tips of our chromosomes could protect them and delay ageing.

To do this, Carper recommends "a super-multivitamin formula high in antioxidants, notably vitamins C and E."

2 CD

OTHER TYPES OF DEMENTIA

Research from the University of East Finland shows that heavy smoking in mid-life is associated with a more than l00% increase

Watch Your Waistline Researchers at Kaiser Permanente, a

pressure, heart problems, high cholesterol or diabetes cause problems

Californian healthcare provider, warn that being an apple shape in our forties could almost triple the risk of dementia in old age.

Xtra Help The University of California has been studyingthe impact of two supplements and found that acetyl-L-carnitine blocks the formation of tau tangles in test tubes (see Twin Toxins, above) while alpha-lipoic acid (available in supplement form) helps lower blood pressure and blood sugar.

Yoga and Meditation Researchers at Atlanta's Emory University report that those who meditate regularly appear to have less cognitive decline as they age.

ZZZZZZZZ "Going without sleep raises beta-amyloid levels," says Carper. "There is some evidence that sleep disturbance can be linked to dementia," adds Corbett. •

100 SIMPLE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO PREVENT ALZHEIMER'S AND AGE-RELATED MEMORY LOSS (E10.99) BY JEAN CARPER IS PUBLISHED THIS MONTH

61

Top Tony in his lab working on this week's invention. some of his patents the mice haven't eaten. Yet 62

PHOTOGRAPHED BY TONY EDWARDS

Is this the UK's most prolific and brilliant inventor?

Tony Cuthbert's revolutionary ideas could transform our world. So why aren't they being put into practice?

Bladeless, cordless lawnmower anyone?

PATENT GENIUS

LAST MONDAY, TONY CUTHBERT WOKE UP IN HIS REMOTE WELSH COTTAGE WITH AN IDEA. He opened his laptop and tapped out: "Hear is an inventoin for

a new chuck deavice, using an aloy with a low liuqifactoin tempratur..."

Inventors normally guard their ideas and try to patent them before talking about them, but Tony, who's dyslexic, doesn't care who knows about Monday's little inspiration. "Having new ideas isn't a problem for me. I come up with a moderately interesting invention every day and a really good one about once a week." He says this without arrogance and with a touch of surprise, as if talking about someone else. "It may be something to do with my dyslexia, but I seem to think differently from other people."

At the age of 65, Tony can't remember how many bright technological ideas he's had, but he reckons it must run into "many thousands, most of which I've forgotten". Michael Laughton, professor of electrical engineering at London University, ;,)

By Tony Edwards 63

.1) who's spent the last 25 years scouring Britain for out-of-the-way inventors, says Cuthbert is unique. "Tony is the most prolific and gifted inventor I've come across. Given the right backing, he could surpass Edison's record of a thousand patents."

So how many Cuthbert patents are there? "I've no idea," says Tony. "The documents are somewhere in my workshop...assuming the mice and squirrels haven't eaten them." At our request, he agreed to count them—for the first time. There are 72. "There should be three times that many, but I must have lost some," he says with a shrug.

The rewards for technological creativity are notoriously fickle: Dyson's vacuum cleaner has made its inventor a multimillionaire, but the designer of a simple cardboard milk carton is worth billions. If there were any justice, Tony Cuthbert would now be in that league, too—for his Clutchless Gearbox alone.

And then there's the Cuthbert Turbine, the Cuthbert Metal Separator, the Cuthbert Elevator, the Cuthbert Sub-Sea Salvage System...the list goes on.

And yet Tony lives on the breadline, with just three dogs for company and a state pension his only income—the classic struggling lone inventor.

"One of Tony's problems is that some of his inventions are so revolutionary they can threaten existing technologies," says Professor Laughton. "That makes it difficult for him to convince the various industries he has tried to interest."

Dyson had precisely this problem with his vacuum cleaners and finally had to manufacture the machines himself.

But Cuthbert is not in the entrepreneur mould. "I'm just an inventor," he says disarmingly. "Also, Dyson focused on a single invention, but I have so many different ideas, I can't concentrate on any one of them long enough."

At school, Cuthbert had been the classic classroom dunce. Profoundly dys-

lexic, he was bottom of the class in everything apart from science. "More suited for manual labour than mental work," said his final report when he left his Liverpool school at 15. He began work as a garage mechanic, then joined the Merchant Navy as an engine boy.

I

Tony is the most prolific and gifted inventor I've 12 come across" MICHAEL LAUGHTON, PROFESSOR OF ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING, LONDON UNIVERSITY 64

13

Tony's maglev: "a fraction of the cost of current systems"

CI

In

After 18 months he had risen to chief electrical officer—at 19, the youngest in the fleet.

"As I had no qualifications, they had to apply for a dispensation to employ me in such a high-powered job," he says. "But I seemed to understand instinctively how things worked. Whenever there were any electrical problems on board, I knew how to fix them. That's how I got the job so young."

He stayed with the Merchant Navy for 20 years, until severe arthritis forced him into early retirement.

He bought a tumbledown cottage in a tiny ravine in mid-Wales and set up his own consultancy. He quickly became famous as a local Mr Fixit. "If a firm has a technical problem, I can normally offer them two or three solutions within a couple of days—for almost any kind of technology," he says.

The word about Tony soon spread far beyond Wales—to no less than the Ministry of Defence, who have sometimes called upon him for advice.

13 "They sit me in front of 50 or 60 high-powered scientists or engineers with PhDs and degrees, and say, 'Tony, we've got a problem with a bit of kit, can you help?'

One day it could be what they call `novel power sources', another day radars, or Chieftain Tanks.

I've always been able to offer at least a couple of solutions."

But Tony's not content with solving other people's problems. "I find my mind constantly bubbling over with ideas for new inventions," he says, "but not trivial things like a new corkscrew. I like to grapple with the big stuff."

Take the car engine.

Small-time inventors are fond of engines —they have lots of little bits to improve on. But Cuthbert's not a tinkerer.

"There have been only two basic engine designs—one by Otto and Benz, the other by Wankel— neither very efficient," he says, "so I decided to try and redesign the perfect engine from scratch."

It took him a few months to come up with a novel concept—an engine with just two moving parts (a typical car engine has over 100). The heart of it is a pair of wave-shaped discs that rotate when energised by a series of spark plugs. "It's a cross between a car engine and a turbine," he says, "and up to 100 times more powerful than either."

He first offered the design to Britain's Perkins Diesel Engine company, whose engineers were initially enthusiastic, but soon rang Tony with bad news.

"They told me their finance people had ordered my engine to be dropped, as it would be 'detrimental' to their business," he says. "I guess it was a competitor to their existing products."

Cuthbert had a different reply from a major US aerospace contractor. "They 0 65

most inventors need to ) said they didn't think the turbine would work," SOME OF TONY'S find investors, but that he says, "but I heard that MIND-BOGGLING takes salesmanship. one of their subsidiaries INVENTIONS "Lots of people think was investing thousands Tony's a mad professor, with ideas coming out of in developing it." Cuthbert • An engine with only him in torrents," suggests handled the snub diplo- one moving part. matically. "I didn't get • A protective device for Mike Glossop of Ferrofluidics, a company Cuthheavy with them, but of- mobile-phone radiation. bert has done work for. "I fered to help them build • A Leak-proof, deep-sea might use the same term it—all I wanted was a few electrical connector myself, but as an endearhundred quid a month. • An advanced powerment. He's both an oldBut they refused. So I got steering system. fashioned experimental a lawyer involved and they • A propulsion system that could get you to physicist and an extraorstopped work on it." dinary lateral thinker."

But another US com- Mars in just a few hours.

Indeed, Tony is no pany recently got hold of • A cableless elevator amateur. While his own the Cuthbert Turbine idea that could revolutionise and is now marketing it. how skyscrapers are built. cottage is Spartan to the point of eccentricity, he Cuthbert just shrugs. "Oh, well, no matter; in the meantime, I've appears to have spent every penny on come up with a better concept—an his workshop—an Aladdin's cave of engine with only one moving part," he spectrum analysers, frequency counters, says. "And in any case, I've got plenty oscilloscopes, strain gauges, suspension wires, strange liquids, magnets, bicycle more ideas." wheels and metal sheets and rods. "I've Tony has got used to seeing others used them all in thousands of experidevelop his ideas. Take his patents for ments," he says.

It was while "playing around with" an advanced power-steering system and a protective device for mobile-phone magnets and aluminium strips that Tony radiation. "I tried to interest manufac- came up with an invention for skyturers in these years ago. Now, someone scrapers: the Cableless Elevator. His else is doing them." But why isn't he idea was that the lift car would float in making money? "I couldn't afford to free space, held aloft by magnetic repulsion against the metal walls of the shaft. keep up the patents," he replies.

In Britain, the intellectual property A magnetic motor drives the lift up and rules are quite inventor-friendly—at down. "It could revolutionise the way least initially, as it costs nothing to file skyscrapers are built," says Dr Gina a patent. But that dispensation lasts only Barney, a UK expert who's examined a a year, after which the fees are upwards working model. "Its ability to go horiof £10,000 to keep it going. That's why zontally and vertically is sensational."

66

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

But are any manufacturers interested?

"Well, yes and no," says Cuthbert. "Two major lift companies thought it amazing, but said they'd already invested heavily in a different but less-elegant system and it would be 'difficult' to change."

The idea doesn't end with lifts. "In principle, the concept could be used to convert the UK rail network to highspeed magnetic levitation, or maglev, trains," says Cuthbert, "at a fraction of the cost of current maglev systems."

So, is he working on it ? "No," he says excitedly, "because I've come up with a propulsion system that's better even than maglev. Watch this." He presses a button and two coin-sized discs are flung forward, causing a metal plate to shift position. "It doesn't look

OLIVERBRANDT/ IMAGEB ROKER/ PHOT OLIB RARY.COM

AMAZING WEATHER FACTS! 1. HOW THE WEATHER AFFECTS YOUR HEALTH It's possible to say you're "feeling under he weather" and mean it literally. esearch shows specific correlations tween the weather and our health. ,

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Our endocrine system, which regulates hormones, is affected by a change in the weather. As the days lengthen, our daytime hormone serotonin increases while our sleep hormone melatonin drops. For some, this happens quickly —but for others there's a lag, resulting in the "winter blues" or Seasonal Affective Disorder. readersdigest.co.uk

much," he says, "but this is a real breakthrough. It appears to break Newton's Third Law of Motion, but it doesn't; it just modifies it. With that, you can float off the ground, travel anywhere—even get to Mars in a few hours."

But for the moment, Tony's sights are set on a couple of more earthbound ideas: a leak-proof, deep-sea electrical connector and a bladeless, cordless lawnmower. "The technologies are already out there," he says, "but no one's put the concepts together before."

How did the US philosopher William James define genius? "The faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way." >3. To see a short film of Tony Cuthbert at work, go to readersdigest.co.uk/magazine.

Severe cold can also cause our blood to thicken, increasing blood pressure and tightening the airways. There's a link etween cold weather and deaths from art attacks and respiratory illnesses.

•ur bodies react differently depending health or lOcation, Patients with tuberculosis or blood diseases benefit from mountain resorts, with their lower levels of water vapour and higher ozone levels.

Dr Liz Bentley is founder of the Weather Club, formed by the Royal Meteorological Society. Visit readersdigest. co.uk/links for more.

67

.- '"P

00pinion OK, enough doom and gloom. Enough worrying about the economy and falling house prices. I'm here to bring you a twinkle of good news. It seems that

WHAT Al LOVELY RECESSION Believe it or not, there's an upside to the economic crisis, argues Alison Kervin (left)

while the recession has been wrapping its tentacles tightly around the country's fragile finances, it's simultaneously been making us fitter and healthier.

Yes, it's odd, but entirely true. Leading US scientist Dr Christopher Ruhm has been looking at the impact of recessions for over two decades and has concluded that when an industrialised country goes through recession and people lose their jobs, they become healthier.

His huge study shows that, for every per cent increase in unemployment, there's a two per cent decline in the death rate of 20- to 44-year-olds. In the US, "A one percentage point rise in unemployment lowers the predicted death rate by around 11,000 fatalities annually," he reports. If you consider the proposed redundancies in the public sector alone, you can see how these figures start to stack up.

Ruhm's first research, conducted ten years ago, has now been backed up with data from a joint project by Stanford University and the University of North Carolina. "The analysis provides strong evidence that health improves when the economy temporarily deteriorates," concludes Ruhm.

When you think about it, it makes sense.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY PAL HANSEN

Consider the things that make us less healthy: smoking, failing to exercise and eating badly. These all change during recessions because people stop thinking about work as the centre of their lives t 69

Not only deaths from drunk driving and focus on other does the declined a great deal aspects of living. Take number during the 1975 and 1982-83 obesity, one of the leading causes of preventable of smokers recessions. A one-point in joblessness is death in the western fall during increase expected to reduce fatalities world. Research shows a recession, by 4.6 per 100,000, suggestthat people are more likely to be in the the number ing that many people who drink and drive are doing so healthiest weight ranges of cigarettes straight after work, or that in bad economic times, being the drop in drink-driving is with a "statistically down to less socialising. significant" reduction smoked There are less obvious in average BMI. "Physical drops, benefits, too. Families activity rises and diet tend to spend more time improves when the econtoo together and people omy weakens," says Ruhm. become more conscious of the Joblessness also boosts the environment as they cut back on consumption of fruit and vegetables, and lowers the daily intake of dietary expensive pursuits. In the UK, since the recession began, councils have fat by two per cent. Without work, noted an increased use of libraries people have more time to exercise and a fall in household rubbish. and prepare healthy meals, and aren't just grabbing comfort food The downside to all these figures between meetings. is that once they've dropped during As for smoking, Professor Ruhm a recession, they don't stay lowered suggests that in the US during the 1990s recession, smoking—especially when the economy picks up again.

It's strange that having adjusted to a among heavy users—declined by healthy lifestyle, people revert once five per cent. And not only does the they're back in employment. number of smokers fall, the number Obviously, there's a bleak side of cigarettes being smoked by to losing your job and the prestige, individuals drops, too. finance and framework it gives to And there's more. In recessions, people tend to drive less, either as an your life. Perhaps the important economy measure, or because they're lesson to take away from this is that spending more time on yourself, no longer commuting or driving reducing stress and exercising more around as part of their work. So not really does make a difference. only do people walk and cycle more, Do we really have to wait for but there's also a direct effect on unemployment to bite to take these road-traffic accidents. lessons on board? • Ruhm's research found that 70

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

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RD EXCLUSIVE

Survival of an entire species can rest with just a few newborns.

Martin HughesGames has been travelling the world in search of the most at-risk species for a new documentary series. We asked him to keep a diary... urtesy -Games

Super-furry animal: Martin cuddles Holly, a year-old wombat. "Wombats have to be one of the most adorable creatures on earth. Holly seemed to enjoy it just as much as me!"

DECEMBER 3, 2009 RUSSIAN FAR EAST

water for her and all the forest guards to have their

DECEMBER 7 NAIROBI, KENYA

The BBC's really splashing out! It's costing us150 roubles (£3) a head to stay in this but in the middle of the Russian forest.

Walking to the "toilet

weekly wash. Linda's huge,

Bottle-fed Makena, an orphaned baby elephant, today, then had a wrestling match with her—total submission from me when she started pulling my hair out with her trunk.

hut" (basically, a hole in the ground in a small shed) at night is exciting. There are footprints of leopards, tigers and bears in the snow around here! Minus 16 degrees C today.

DECEMBER 4 When filming, I find fresh footprints of an Amur leopard in the snow. Linda Kerley (a US researcher) tells us there are now only 35 left in the wild, making the Amur leopard the rarest big cat in the world.

I'm shocked to find Linda has only seen a live leopard once ini4years of working here in these huge forests.

The others are only known by photos taken by the camera traps, triggered by passing leopards.

DECEMBER 5 While we're filming my set-up pieces we find an iced-up but by the frozen river. Linda tells me it's the bathing hut that's fired up just once a week to heat

74

twinkly-eyed Russian husband helps me wash my hair in a bucket.

Last night in the Russian far east; we travel back to Vladivostok tomorrow (if the snow holds off).

Linda tells us that just one exceptionally hard winter, disease or a slight increase in poaching could snuff out the wild population of Amur leopards in a single season. Captive breeding may be the only hope.

We look at some of the camera-trap photos— these are beautiful animals.

So strange seeing a leopard in a snow-covered forest —somehow I think of leopards as a "hot" animal?

Their fur is nearly three inches long in winter.

DECEMBER 6 TXT TO EMMA, OUR PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: SNOWED IN AT VLADIVOSTOK AIRPORT. AIRPORT SHUT FOR FORESEEABLE. GR8.

DECEMBER 7 TXT: STILL SNOWING, WILL WE EVER GET OUT? HAPPY XMAS!

That's cheating! But also a reminder that even the tiniest babies are unbelievably strong.

Milking the situation: Martin feeds the orphaned Makena at The David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya — "It was a privilege"

DECEMBER 8 Seeing the baby elephants playing together and looking so happy (can you say that? I think so), it's too easy to forget what they've been through. Little Makena spent days beside the dead body of her mother after the poachers had shot and hacked her to bits—all the little ones at this Trust have had an

appalling start to their lives.

Sometimesyou despair about humans—but, on the other hand, the keepers here are totally dedicated: they live alongside the elephants 24 hours a day, literally sleeping in the same rooms as the babies to ensure they feel secure.

We've got the best and worst of humanity here.

Dame Daphne Sheldrick,

who's worked with these animals for 25years, says they've come to realise the baby elephants' mental needs are just as important as their physical needs.

FEBRUARY 15, 2010 We've been trying to find Emily ever since we got here, but I meet her at last. It's an extraordinarily emotional encounter. This

mr, massive female elephant detaches herself from the herd, thunders over to us (I'm sitting on the roof of the Land Cruiser) and offers me her trunk to blow down (I've learned how to greet elephants properly!). Not scary at all—I just feel so honoured that Emily has chosen to come to us.

76

In the background, her tiny baby is hidden between two "aunties". So Emily has gone back to the wild and mated with a wild bull.

This is the end of perhaps 5o years' work by The David Sheldrick Trust (13 with Emily herself).

They've managed to get their first orphan back to the wild—so it can be

done. I hope camera-man Toby manages to film it, as the car is lurching all over the place from Emily leaning on it. I think it could be a bit of telly magic.

APRIL 14 ATLANTA, US I find out today that it costs 1.1 million dollars to "rent" a panda. China actually READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

APRIL 15 OMG! Pandas are gorgeous! All my scientific objectivity shoots straight out the window the second I see a living, breathing panda—I just want to pick her up and cuddle her! WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Pandas mess with your mind. I can't believe the relationship the keepers have with the pandas here. They have a system where Lun Lun lets them do anything in response to command words (in return for a small food treat).

They were even giving the male—Yang Yang—eye drops today. He just offered his eye and let them do it.

A baby panda has a snooze in an incubator during its check-up, before going back to mum owns all the pandas on earth and you only ever borrow them. So is the panda a money-making venture or is there a real desire to conserve the species and one day even return captive-bred pandas to the wild? Right now, I'm feeling confused. I'm due to meet my first panda, Lun Lun, tomorrow. readersdigest.co.uk

APRIL 19 TXT: PHEW THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!

APRIL 20 Georgia Aquarium is awesome—they have four whale sharks here, for goodness' sake!

They were delivered by 747 from Taiwan, two sharks per plane—no, seriously, that's incredible.

Still absolutely nothing with Lun Lun. Come on, girl! We have to go home soon.

APRIL 20 TXT: VOLCANIC ERUPTION HAS STOPPED ALL FLIGHTS PLEASE REBOOK HOTEL

APRIL 17 We've timed our visit to coincide with Lun Lun coming into season and getting pregnant, but she doesn't look ready. I hope we've got the timing right, but so far...nothing!

APRIL 19 TXT: HOW LONG CAN WE EXTEND OUR STAY HERE?

APRIL 19 TXT: OK BUT SHES NOT SHOWING ANY SIGNS YET. DO YOU THINK VOLCANO [ICELAND] WILL AFFECT US?

APRIL 22 TXT: DRIVING TO HOUSTON VIA NEW ORLEANS TO TRY TO GET FLIGHTS

SEPTEMBER 2, AUSTRALIA I wake up this morning and literally have no idea which Australian city I'm in. It turns out it's Adelaide. To be totally honest, I didn't think it was right to do the Tasmanian devil story as part of this series—an animal facing extinction

77

because of a horrible transmissible cancer sounded too difficult for BBC-1. But I now think I was wrong—in many ways it's what Nature's Miracle Babies is all about.

SEPTEMBER 5 Have to confess (on camera) I've never seen a live Tasmanian devil before, and wouldn't have confidently recognised one up to about a week ago.

The shame! Get to hold a sweet (very bitey!) little baby devil, Mildred, while filming the "fostering" part of the story.

Meet Lorraine Dewey, one of the inspirational people we keep meeting as we film. Her house is full of orphaned babies, wombats, possums and Tasmanian devils, all of which she looks after.

She seems unsentimental and extremely down to earth, just unbelievably committed. It's humbling to meet these people.

We come in, film and move on, but it's 24 hours a day, seven days a week for Lorraine.

SEPTEMBER 8 Out all day with Stuart Huxtable and his team,

78

checking and resetting the traps. The point of trapping is to remove infected Tasmanian devils from the population and so try to stop transmission of the disease (it's passed on directly by bites).

Stuart tells us that in some places the population has dropped by 95 per cent.

Tasmanian devils sometimes look like a huge head full of razor-sharp teeth with a small dog's body tacked on behind. Stuart is amazingly good at handling the devils once he's tipped them out of the traps into the hessian bags, but sometimes... we catch Roxanne (his old nemesis) and she bites Stuart again! Right through the finger, blood everywhere. Stuart has to rush to hospital to get jabbed up.

I'm not sure if this trapping will be successful.

They may have to end up relying on the healthy captive-bred populations.

Amazing to think a disease can potentially wipe out

a species (and where on earth did it come from?).

I complain about being a bit tired and Nadeen, the helpful lady from Save the Tasmanian Devil programme, turns

to me and says, "Suck it up, princess!" Er...

OK, Nadeen.

SEPTEMBER 9 Last trap today turns up a shock. Stuart says immediately he doesn't like the look of the poor devil and he's right. Her mouth and head are covered in Hand-reared baby Tasmanian devils— not looking quite so devilish!

(Inset) Stuart Huxtable inspects for mouth cancer

awful cancer lesions, and much worse is to come.

She has four tiny but very healthy babies in her pouch. What can we do?

Desperate evening.

Colette Harmison, the vet, drops everything and drives down four hours from Hobart to see if the poor mother can be

operated on and so live long enough for her four babies to get big enough to be fostered. Poor Colette has to examine the mother and make her decision on camera. I'm convinced she'll be able to operate but I'm wrong—one of the cancer lesions is too far gone. Colette decides tv‘

"I'm allowed to,go in for the first feed of the day! For 30 minutes I'm the plaything of four very naughty pandas. Brilliant"

the kindest thing is to put her to sleep there and then. Not just the mother but the babies, too. Can't speak. Dreadful.

Hardest part of the whole series.

SEPTEMBER 12 CHENGDU, CHINA Last scheduled shoot— the Panda and Research 80

Centre in Chengdu. No idea what to expect.

SEPTEMBER 14 To my amazement, I'm allowed to go in with the four young pandas to deliver first feed of the day—I'm warned they are very "playful" after breakfast. Make the mistake of assuming they'll be as

sweet and cuddly as they appear. Note to self: never forget pandas are bears —that means teeth, claws, ambush and attitude. Shirt shredded, jeans ripped to bits, blood! For 3o minutes I'm the plaything of four very naughty pandas.

Brilliant. Poor cameraman Steve also attacked, but carries on filming manfully.

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

SEPTEMBER 16 Chengdu is fascinating, completely different from expectations: hugely friendly; awesome vegetarian food; the unexpected everywhere.

Whole crew have ears inspected by street ear cleaners!

Food menu has the following

Ear cleaners at night on the streets of Chengdu.

"You can pay a few pence to sit and have your ears cleaned out!

Urgh!"

is learning howto successfully breed them in captivity before you can think about stage two, returning them to the

they can do that, thousands and thousands of other species will benefit by living in the pandas' habitat. I've realised you do need iconic species like pandas, gorillas and tigers to get people interested and motivated to have any chance of creating a habitat for all the other animals and plants that can live alongside the "icons".

items: "arctic tony salmon fight", wild (if suitable habitat "oats fried pigeon can be found). It's hard. song", "dry pot Of the first 116 pandas duck lips""0 with born in Chengdu, only fire underwater 16 survived—shocking explosion" and, for figures. But after decades the very hungry, of research they have "Australia with a 95 per cent survival fried celery"! rate. Only now are they OCTOBER 9 Get to hold and starting seriously to think TXT FROM EMMA: JUST cuddle a tiny about the possibility of RECEIVED EMAIL FROM baby panda as I'm returning pandas to ATLANTA, LUN LUN IS delivering the last piece the wild. If PREGNANT! CAN YOU of the film. Can't believe DROP EVERYTHING AND I'm allowed to GO TO US IMMEDIATELY? e.. /Da do this. It's like WHEN CAN YOU LEAVE? grwW•Ogr a small, sleepy Just a starter living doll.

OCTOBER 9 portion, Please Have had to TXT: PACKING!... • change my mind completely about >> The documentary Fried Celery with Austratt o pandas. Realistically, Nature's Miracle for many endangered Babies is coming animals, stage one soon to BBC1. readersdigest.co.uk

A 4Fru'

eef short —ribs

81

Their churches are trains; their parishioners are guards and drivers. Christopher Middleton meets the clerics who are out tending the vineyards of the Lord—on Britain's railway networks

STATIONS THEEROSS Stephen Sorby Niork Station Scarlet tights, a polka dot dress, brightly rouged cheeks and a luxuriant auburn wig. Meet the Reverend Stephen Sorby.

All right, so he may not be wearing conventional clerical garb, but there's a perfectly good reason why he is standing on platform three of York Station, dressed as a pantomime dame. Reverend Sorby is one of Britain's 18 full-time-raihvay chaplains—who minister to staff and passengers at stations across the country—and today he is "working" the trains of his north-east England patch, inviting passengers to put money 4

God really does move in mysterious ways: Reverend Stephen Sorby welcomes passengers to platform three PETER BYRNE PHOTOGRAPHY

Today as I follow Sorby around, his work is all rather happy and hilarious. But these high jinks are only a small part of his role. Just a few days earlier, the 39-year-old wasn't entertaining all and sundry with his Widow Twankey impressions. He was running a group-counselling session at his Darlington station base with traumatised railway staff and passengers.

"They'd witnessed a young man being fatally electrocuted on the roof of a train," he explains. "He'd climbed up to get his shoe, which had been thrown up there. Unfortunately, he came into contact with one of the high-voltage wires and burst into flames.

"There was CCTV footage of the incident, which normally I don't watch. This time, though, the people who had been there wanted me to understand the entirety of what they'd seen. I have to say, I'm still trying to black it out of my mind."

84

Humphrey Gillott ")-t Pancra() It's not just individual tragedies that the chaplains—who are trained by the British Transport Police, the Samaritans and others in areas such as grief counselling and conflict resolution—get involved in. They've attended all the major UK rail disasters, including, for example, the one in Selby, North Yorkshire, where—ten years ago on February 28—ten people were killed when the driver of a Land Rover fell asleep at the wheel and collided with an express train.

The chaplains' duties at these terrible events can range from making tea and offering rescue workers a listening ear, to the altogether more intense.

"I was approached by a doctor and asked if I would spend some time with a bereaved father, who was sitting in a makeshift tent, beside a body bag containing the remains of his daughter," says St Pancras-based chaplain Humphrey Gillott. He's recalling the Ufton Nervet crash of 2004, when a highspeed locomotive crashed into a car on a Berkshire level crossing, killing seven and injuring over 70.

"I knelt beside the father and prayed until the undertakers came," says the 65-year-old, who worked for Barclays Bank for 31 years before taking up his railway mission. "It's hard to put into words the absolute and utter horror of that crash scene as the dawn broke.

The rear power unit continued READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

PHO TOG RAPH EDBYBARRY MAR SDEN

Z) into a large bucket for charity "I got £2,000 yesterday and I'm hoping to do even better today," gasps the reverend, putting his feet up for a moment. "It's all in a good cause, but I tell you what— these heels are killing me!"

With that, he takes a deep breath, rises from his seat and totters off to catch the 14.36 to Newcastle, where press photographers await his arrival, having been alerted to his fund-raising by a news release from The Railway Mission, the charity that employs the majority of the chaplains.

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Following his calling: Reverend Humphrey Gillott was asked to provide comfort at the 7/7 bombings

0 pushing the train forward at speed after the impact, so the carriages were all over the place, and the buffet car twisted beyond belief." just a year later, Gillott, among other chaplains, was called out to the 7/7 The same sort of principle apLondon bombings. "I spent most of my plies to the chaplains' less time going round the British Transport high-profile work, too. Apart Police cordons, chatting to the officers from their official duties, such as the on duty and handing out Mars bars," blessing of new trains or conducting he recalls. "The people who had been of Christmas carol and Remembrance on front-line duty had all seen terrible Day services, the bulk of their day-tothings and, though they weren't ready day ministration involves visiting their to talk about them, found it comforting "parishioners" at their place of work, whether that is a station, ticket office, that we were on hand."

Doug Downie York Station

86

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

PHOTOG RAPHEDBYLORNECAMP BELL/GUZELIAN

Reverend Doug Downie: "If a railway employee has a problem, they're not going to tell you in a busy office"

train each month, it also, crucially, carries the chaplains' contact details.

"If a railway employee has a problem, they're not going to tell you in a busy office", says Doug Downie, a former Salvation Army captain now running the rail chaplaincy at York. "But they may well contact you in private at a later date."

As to the nature of the problem, that can vary from a marriage breakdown to a financial crisis, from illness and job stress to fears of redundancy (workers on not-so-busy branch lines seem to live in constant fear of their station being "de-staffed"). Importantly, all conversations are kept confidential.

"The only time we are required to pass on information is if there

signalbox, drivers' messroom, backroom admin office or a hi-tech network control centre.

Which means a lot of their work is simply chatting: meeting new people who've joined the company, enquiring about others who have moved on or are on sick leave, and, in some cases, just giving people the chance to let off steam about their job, whether they're a station cleaner or the managing director.

Whoever they're meeting, though, they always take supplies of the annual Railway Mission calendar. As well as having a different colour picture of a readersdigest.co.uk

is something illegal or likely to affect public safety" says the Reverend Liam Johnston, the Mission's executive director. "Although our charity is largely financed by the train operators and Network Rail, we're not directly employed by them."

Indeed, it's built into the chaplains' philosophy that they present themselves as fellow rail industry workers, rather than emissaries either from God or senior management. Which is why most of them only wear dog collars when officiating at religious ceremonies such as weddings, funerals, or, as recently, the consigning of a driver's ashes to the firebox of a working steam train.

When travelling around with the chaplains, you find that not every member of staff greets them with cries of exultation. For every two or three t 87

railway employees who welcome them with a smile and a cup of coffee, there's at least one who makes it clear they'd rather get on with their work.

Mind you, coping with a frosty reception is nothing new to Doug Downie, who encountered plenty of those during his time with the Salvation Army, when they would go on word-spreading, donation-collecting visits to pubs and clubs—in full uniform.

"The worst occasion was when I found myself on the end of a stand-up comedian's jokes for quarter of an hour," he recalls. "Of course, we respect people's right not to have anything to do with us; all we seek to do is to let them know of our existence, and of our willingness to help people of all faiths—and of none."

He proceeds to demonstrate this over the course of the afternoon I spend 88

with him on the York to Harrogate line: commiserating with a guard over the recent loss of a friend, sympathising with a signalman who's got a recurring chest complaint, and hearing how one of the Harrogate station staff has created a nostalgic photographic exhibition in the waiting room.

He also makes a mental note of someone he thinks may need his services: a staff member who very pointedly ignores him, but who he suspects may have been switched to desk duties after a track fatality. Quite often, it seems, a traumatic incident will trigger a railway employee's need to talk and each year there are some 300 passenger suicides on the nation's rail network, which means that while chaplains in the more remote regions may only get a couple of cases per year, those in the built-up parts of Britain may get 20 or more.

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

PHOTOGRA PHEDBYBARRYMARSDEN

Reverend Andrew Hall: you won't find him—or any of the railway clerics—in a dog collar

Andrew Hall Birmingham New Street Station "In the 18 months I've been doing this job, I've had 43 fatalities on my patch, most ofthem

perhaps a poem. In some ways, the book serves as a place for them to visit."

The chaplains can be providing support for months, sometimes years, after an incident. And it takes many forms.

"I was asked by one woman to apologise to all the people who had been involved in dealing with her father's suicide," says Reverend Hall. "More recently, I've been asked by a driver to accompany him to the inquest of the man his train hit. The family have requested his presence and he has no choice but to go."

passenger suicides", says Andrew Hall, who has a tiny office at Birmingham New Street Station, sandwiched between two photo booths—but whose rail chaplaincy stretches all the way from London's Marylebone to the Welsh All our reverends agree that borders. "In most cases, the drivers and working for the Railway Misguards have been exposed to some very sion is an enriching experience. upsetting sights.

Stephen Sorby gave up a six-figure sal"Instead of approaching them di- ary as a senior government adviser at rectly, we do it through their line man- the Department of Health to become ager, making it clear we are on hand to a railway chaplain. help. Quite often, we won't hear any"I earn a lot less, but I'm far happier," thing back initially; it's only after two he says. "When things get too bad, I buy or three months that the effects hit a cheap china mug from the market, tell home and the flashbacks start. it all the things that are upsetting me, "There is, in my experience, no way then smash it against a wall. It works of knowing how it will affect people. every time!"

There are cases of drivers weathering And, of course, for those moments six fatalities and not being able to carry when something stronger than mere on after the seventh. The thing is, with crockery is needed, the chaplains have high-speed impacts, the victim's re- their Christian faith to hold on to. mains are pretty much vapourised; "You see, this isn't just a job, it's a identification becomes a matter of DNA, calling," says Humphrey Gillott. "Somerather than anything else." times the demands are great, but, at the Which is why Stephen Sorby has set same time, I get this massive sense of up a special railway book of remem- fulfilment and satisfaction from knowbrance for the benefit of suicide victims' ing that I am doing the Lord's will."• relatives that he takes with him to the stations in his area. "They can put pho- >> For more information on the Railway tos of their loved one in there, and Mission, visit readersdigest.co.uk/links. readersdigest.co.uk

89

n ambition, osing his faith

I Remember... ...being a precocious child with curly platinum-blond hair. My parents would take me with them to parties and put me to sleep in strange beds—the sound of adult laughter drifting upstairs is a strong childhood memory. ...my mother asking me if I'd like a little brother. I thought she was suggesting

I have the baby myself. I'd been an only child for nine years and had got rather used to having things my own way. But he was adorable. Because of the age gap I missed out on a lot of his childhood; I'd gone to university by the time he was nine. ...going to Crusader classes when I was little. They were like Sunday school

classes and I became very involved with the Church. Looking back, it was arly indoctrination; when you're six ars old and going to Bible class, you on't know any better. .1 fell in with an uncool crowd at secondary school. They were

slightly nerdy and not much good at sport. I felt trapped in their clique for a few years and was rather miserable. It wasn't until sixth form that I broke away. I'd always been good at art and got a reputation for doing pictures of all the teachers; the attention it got me was GARY MOYES: COURTESY OF DERREN BROWN

From blond bombshell, aged two, to mindcontrolling maestro, now aged 40

Z) exciting. I stopped feeling so intimidated by all the sporty, cooler types at school. .1 spent a lot of time in my room on my own. I made things with Lego

and drew. I didn't have many friends over. My best friend at school was Nigel and we're still really close, but otherwise I was quite a solitary child.

I dreamed of being a poet or a vet. ...getting one of the top marks in English A level even though I

hadn't read any of the books. I could come to class and just pick it up and understand all the themes. I had a good head for symbolism, but I don't actually know what happened to Jude the Obscure in the end...English and art were the two subjects I was best at, but I certainly didn't have a reputation for being super-bright. ...choosing to read Law and German at Bristol University because some-

one had told me being a lawyer was a good career choice. No one from my family had ever been to university and my parents were really proud I'd got in. When I arrived, I realised I didn't have any interest in law at all. ...being surrounded by kids from wealthy families who had a huge

amount of parental pressure on them to do well. I remember writing my parents a letter thanking them for being so supportive and for never having forced me into any particular niche in life.

92

"I wanted to be the centre of attention at university. I fostered a poetic look" ...thinking that I wanted to change people's perception of me, to start university with a blank slate. But

I rather overdid it. I was still very religious and became very outspoken.

I wanted to be the centre of attention and dressed eccentrically. I fostered a poetic look; I wore cloaks and tied my long hair back with a velvet bow.

I set up a society called the Civ Soc, meaning the "civilised society".

We were supposed to go on jokey operatic outings and things. But, not surprisingly, I got the mickey taken out of me.

Recently, I went to a university reunion and I spent the whole time apologising for my behaviour at Bristol. It turned out everyone cringed at their former selves. ...going to a hypnosis show by Martin Taylor. It was amazing! I remember

walking back with a friend and saying, "I'm going to learn how to do this."

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

hypnotise them again by a simple click of my fingers. ...someone coming to my room who I thought had been before. With

...I wanted to learn how to have that control over people. At the time I

wasn't quite aware why Taylor's show had affected me so strongly, but now it's obvious. Hypnosis ticked so many boxes for me. I was insecure and my neediness could be channelled into performing. And it was the very people I found most intimidating— the rugby-playing sporty types—who were the most submissive to hypnosis.

Even if hypnosis is just the illusion of control, I wanted to have it. ...I quickly became the "hypnosis guy". I found the learning process

absolutely fascinating and threw myself into it. People would come into my student room and, if they were good subjects and up for it, I would hypnotise them. My early attempts were very tentative—simple things like telling people their arms were too heavy to lift up. But if they came back I found I could quickly readersdigest.co.uk

Look into my eyes: the chair where Derren first performed hypnosis

a click of my fingers he was in a hypnotic state. It was only afterwards that I realised it was his first time. I thought, How did that happen? I hadn't given him that instruction before. I realised that day that hypnosis had a lot to do with people's expectations and my new-found confidence. That was enough.

...learning to keep my work and my personal life separate. I don't do tricks now unless I'm being filmed or on stage. I see my work as a game that I play with people; something I can switch on or off ...getting a hugely negative reaction from the Christian community at Bristol, with whom I was still very

involved. I found this odd because I was fascinated by the human mind— if you believe we're God's creation, 93

AC's

Nei

t surely the mind is the pinnacle of that creation? But their reaction was one of fear and misunderstanding.

carry on. At last all my desire for attention was being channelled into something positive.

...I started to understand the power of suggestion and how charlatans are

...I lived a completely self-indulgent life.

A couple of gigs a week and the rest of the time was my own.

I practised a lot and went for long walks.

I didn't drive—I was shocked to fail my test and I've never taken it again

able to pull off tricks such as psychic phenomena. The Church's reaction to psychics seemed silly. Rather than exposing it as nonsense, it was making it more powerful by calling it demonic. This further estranged me from the Christian community. ...trying to work out if I could defend my religion from an intellectual point of view. I read lots of books on

how the Bible was put together and hoped that I could rebuild my faith based on finding answers explaining why I should believe. But my efforts broke down and now I'm an atheist. ...putting on my first show in my hall at university. It was pretty

dreadful, with no structure to it.

One of the reviews said it had certainly put everyone to sleep, but not through hypnosis!

...I became fiercely independent.

I continued to live in Bristol after graduation. I signed on and got housing benefit. I started to do a few acts in restaurants and some private parties, building up my reputation as a magician and hypnotist. ...Hived on my own with my parrot.

My friends were younger than me, the students still at university. Looking back, I wasn't interested in girls, but avoided facing up to my sexuality. I'd do tricks for people as a means of overcoming my shyness; I'd hide behind their amazed reactions Who's a pretty boy and so avoid having then? Derren's real conversations. parrot Figaro finds

...I never felt nervous performing.

Sometimes I'd turn up to a show and if there wasn't much of an audience I'd think, I've been paid, I'll just carry on. Even if the hypnosis didn't always work, it didn't feel like the stakes were especially high.

I'd laugh it off and

a perch 94

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

1. Wowing celebs in 2004's Trjcks,oi the Mind

2. Wel was h ...my heroes weren't magicians. I'm most

C

3. Hey presto! Is this your card, sir?

...getting a call from a production company in1999 suggesting I audition

for a Channel 4 mind-reading show.

I wasn't desperate to be chosen, but I showed them a few tricks and that was it. My TV career had started and, ten years on, my life is one of tours, television and commitments.

I never take a break or have time to myself. I sometimes mourn the lazy lifestyle of my twenties.

impressed by the sort of person who, when they leave a room, people say, "What a lovely guy!" I've had one eye on becoming that person. Since I've become well known, and particularly with my work in the selfimprovement world, I've come to realise there's only one quality we all need: kindness.

Setting goals and closing deals is all well and good, but performing an act of kindness raises our own levels of happiness—no magic required. • As told to Caroline Hutton n Derren Brown's Svengali tour begins on March 9 at theTheatre Royal, Brighton.

See readersdigest.co.uk/links for details.

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COMING SOON TO A PHONE NEAR YOU!

Never mind diaries, calendars and maps; think of all those "apps" that don't exist but are crying out to be invented:

Mr Angry Ever thought of a good insult when it's too late? Never be lost for words again with Mr Angry, which supplies you with quips for all occasions.

Bremnerator Hone your celebrity impressions! Simply speak into the microphone, giving it your best shot, and get a mark out of ten for accuracy.

Frowntone Know someone with a really awful ringtone? This will infiltrate their mobile when you dial the number and replace it with something much nicer (a restful piece of classical music, perhaps, or the sound of a steam engine).

Forsooth "Dost thou knowest the way to the station?" Forsooth converts your text messages into Elizabethan prose. Very classy, and not pretentious at all.

App killer Removes apps from your phone, so you can use it for making calls (not playing the piano, tossing digital cows or drinking simulated beer). Tom Browne readersdigest.co.uk

95

°A.

British activist Glyn Secker (far left) and, near left, crew and passengers from Irene, just before the trip to Gaza

EPA/ J IMHOLLANOER ( OPENING S PREAD) AFP/ GETTYIMAGES ( ABOVE)

think I was the only one of nine people on board the Irene who'd eaten breakfast on the morning of September 28 last year. We were all nervous, knowing that the 32-foot

catamaran, laden with aid and heading for Gaza, could be intercepted by Israeli military forces at any moment.

Yet this was the climax of months of careful planning.

In June, Jews for Justice for Palestinians (JFJFP) had asked me to captain the first all-Jewish boat to take on Israel's four-year blockade of the Palestinian territory. It was a symbolic mission, as we were 99 per cent sure that the Israelis would stop us. But our aim was to say clearly that many Jews are highly critical of a blockade described as illegal by the Red Cross and UN High Commissioner for Human Rights—among many others.

A British organisation, JFJFP had appealed to its 1,600-strong membership to raise funds for the boat following the death of nine activists on board the Mavi Marmara aid ship when it was stormed by Israeli troops in May. Within ten days, we'd raised £20,000. I'm a retired social worker but also a long-standing member of the group and an experienced sailor. I've been involved in activism for years—travelling to Czechoslovakia to deliver aid to the democratic movement during communist rule, for instance—so I was dispatched to Greece to find, purchase and prepare a vessel. Then, with two crew members, I sailed it to Famagusta in

"Our aim was to say that many Jews are highly critical of a blockade described as illegal by the Red Cross"

GLYN SECKER PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANTONIO OLMOS

99

The mood on the boat overnight from

Famagusta had been quite excited. We all got on well and had a great sense of solidarity, believing we were going to achieve something significant. But as we approached Gazan waters, where the Israeli military would soon show up, everybody went quiet.

We were about 35 miles off shore when one of the crew said, "Hey, there's a big ship on the horizon!"

It was a huge Israeli navy frigate, perhaps 100 feet long. It was shadowing us and slowly coming nearer.

When it was about five miles away, its commander called us on the radio, demanding to know who we were. I 100

said we were a British-flagged boat, we were in international waters and that we were bound for Gaza. We had no intention of going into Israeli waters and expected safe passage.

After five minutes of silence, the commander told us—as we expected— that he wouldn't allow us through. He said we could go into any Israeli port we wanted. We didn't want to turn back or go into an Israeli port, I retorted.

We had a well-publicised policy of passive resistance, were carrying no weapons and wished to exercise our rights under international law to go into Gaza.

Then they would board us, the commander replied. Itamar was told that he was responsible for any harm that came to us.

We sailed on for 20 minutes. Then I saw a sight I will never

AFP/ GETTY IMA GES

4`) Cyprus, where we picked up six prominent activists and set out on the 22-hour trip to Gaza.

Among us were 82-year-old male Holocaust survivor Reuven Moskovitz, Rami Elhanan, who lost his daughter in a Jerusalem suicide attack, Yonatan Shapira, a former Israeli air force pilot who's now a peace campaigner, and his brother Itamar, a well-known army refusenik who was sacked in 2009 from a job at a Jerusalem Holocaust museum for comparing the suffering of Palestinians to that of Jews during the Second World War. We were anxious that we could be hurt, but we'd carefully considered our tactics. We would employ passive resistance to the Israelis, in a way unlikely to provoke a violent reaction. On the other hand, we were determined not to concur feebly with their prohibition and turn away when commanded.

forget: in a semicircle on the horizon, coming towards us at 35 knots from the back of the frigate, were two gunboats, two high-powered landing craft and four inflatable boats. You could see their bow waves glinting in the sunshine.

This is like a film, I thought. Is it real?

Within minutes, the boats flanked us on either side. They contained perhaps 100 troops. A commander repeated the threat to board us through a megaphone.

I hollered back, repeating our legal rights. It was surreal.

And then the boarding started. Commandos came at us from both sides. I felt daunted but resolute, and clung to the wheel as hard as I could while the rest of Irene's crew held hands in the cockpit and sang.

The troops prised me off the helm, grabbing hold of my fingers and peeling them back one by one. Adrenalin took over and everything seemed to slow down. The next thing I remember was being thrown down into the cockpit and hitting the floor hard. I staggered to my feet and made a grab for the Making a stand: ignition keys, but a commando tore Reuven Moskovitz them from my hand. (left) and Itamar

"The troops prised me off the helm. Adrenatin took over and everything seemed to slow d

Shapira unfurl their banner on the deck of Irene

On the other side of the boat, troops

seized Itamar and Yonatan—who, in 2003, authored the "Pilot's Letter", a declaration by 27 pilots that they would no longer fly missions over the occupied territories. The brothers are hate figures in the Israeli media and the commandos wanted to separate them from us.

Thirty-year-old Itamar was dragged backwards over the safety wires onto the bottom of one of the boats. Yonatan was clinging tightly to Rami, so a commando fired two taser shots into his ri 101

shoulder. Then he moved Yonatan's life jacket away from his left breast, placed the taser gun directly over his heart and fired. The 38-year-old had a total muscle spasm and flew halfway across the cockpit with a fearful scream.

He, too, was dragged into the rib.

The troops got control of Irene's wheel and drove as hard as they could towards the Israeli port of Ashdod, the other boats still flanking us.

Part of our passive resistance tactic was refusing to take the boat ourselves into any port outside Gaza. If the military were going to force us into Ashdod, they would have to take us there themselves. I wanted to make that as hard as possible, so I announced, "I need to go to the toilet," and went below deck.

The toilet was near the boat's fuel taps, so I tried to turn them off. One didn't work properly but the other did, and soon one of Irene's two engines began to fail.

"Do you know what's going on with the engine?" the commander asked me.

"It's not working very well."

"I've got no idea," I replied. "It's been like that the whole way. It's never been very reliable." I think he expected me to tell him how to fix it!

The Israeli boats had to tow us into Ashdod. During the two-hour journey, the commandos—young guys, mostly about 20—wanted to know why we, as Jews, had attempted this trip. All the other vessels that had tried to break the blockade had had Muslims on board or European "loony lefties".

When we pointed out that we were 102

"A people who oppress another people can't be the free' The blockade is not of Gaza in our name" from a 1,600-strong organisation—out of a population of only 250,000 UK Jews—and that we'd raised the money to buy the catamaran in just ten days, they went quiet for a moment. They realised we had a lot of support.

We tried not to engage in technical debates, such as whether the food and water situation in Gaza is as bad as the UN says. Instead, I replied, "Look, what you're doing is morally wrong. The blockade against Gaza is collective punishment. We're saying to you, as Jews living outside Israel, that there's increasing discomfort with this. A lot of us think what you're doing is reprehensible and you're giving Israel an increasingly bad name."

They didn't reply after that, but they made eye contact, so I think they took it in. I was pleased to have offered them an alternative perspective.

When we arrived in Ashdod, we were searched several times and locked up overnight. Then, after some wrangling READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

with lawyers, I was deported the next morning on a plane, bound in ankle cuffs with two guards accompanying me all the way to Heathrow. A welcome party of friends and family, arranged by my partner Vanessa, greeted me.

I later spoke to Yonatan to see how he

was after the tasering. He was deeply affected. He had recovered physically but was shocked. I think he really believed that, if we only offered nonviolent resistance, the commandos would show restraint. When the Israeli Defence Forces issued a statement about the boarding to the media, they said it had been done "peacefully", but there's nothing peaceful about firing a taser into somebody's heart. If he'd had an underlying health condition, it could have killed him.

But what we did has helped create a mood shift among the international Jewish community. In the past, it was felt that the so-called diaspora should never criticise Israel. But, after we made headlines across the world, some alternative Jewish voices are now being heard. In November, a group of young American Jews shocked the world by standing up to protest about the Palestinian occupation during a New Orleans speech by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. And ten days later, Mick Davis, executive of the Jewish Leadership Council in Britain, publicly criticised Israeli policy.

In November and December, universities in the UK—Goldsmiths, UCL, Manchester and others—started asking me to give talks about my experience readersdigest.co.uk

on the Irene and my views about a future peace for Israel. The response was fantastic: people came up to me afterwards and said they were beginning to feel they could voice their views without being accused of anti-Semitism.

This month, I've been invited on a speaking tour by a Jewish reform group in Chicago, so I'll be taking my message to the US and Canada. I'm also advising a group of American organisations that are planning to send a flotilla called The Audacity of Hope to Gaza, including a Jewish boat.

The tag line for JEWP—"Two peoples, one future"—isn't just a catchphrase; it's deep a philosophical statement, because I believe a people who oppress another people can't themselves be free.

The state develops a rationale and its people have to lead defended lives.

Taking Irene to Gaza was about saying that, in terms of cultivating a future for Jews and Palestinians, the blockade of Gaza is not in our name. • As told to Ellie Rose

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103

TEACHING

MADE EASY What happens if you ditch formal education and let children learn by themselves?

By Professor Sugata Mitra 104

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

Teacher, leave those kids alone: Professor Sugata Mitra's original self-learning computer project in Delhi inspired the novel on which Slumdog Millionaire was based readersdigest.co.uk

105

Z) There's a growing problem in UK primary schools. Many youngsters seem to be

FROM DELHI...

The origins of this approach come from an experiment on the edge of a Delhi slum12 years ago. I'd placed a weatherproofed computer in the perimeter wall of the offices of the IT company I worked for, to see how it would work outside—expecting it to be vandalised by the local children.

To my surprise, the computerilliterate slum kids were fascinated.

They formed ad hoc groups and taught themselves—through trial and error, but without adult help—how to operate the computer and find information from it [as reported in "The Hole in the Wall Gang", Reader's Digest, May 2009].

This led to the placing of other computers in outdoor, public locations in poor communities across much of Asia and Africa. In each case, local youngsters would spend hours discovering all sorts of things through the machines, from learning English to how DNA works.

Sometimes an adult mentor would ask them to look into a specific subject.

106

In one southern Indian village, for example, I left some information on biotechnology on the public PC and invited the children to find out more. They uncovered huge amounts of knowledge and retained it—scoring an average of 70 per cent in a test four months later.

In remote areas, where there are few teachers, these methods have become a useful addition to formal education.

Some children have even been inspired to go to college where previously a job working on the land beckoned. ...TO DEEPEST TYNE AND WEAR British children, of course, usually have easy access to a good education. But using PCs in similar ways can still bring huge benefits, as I've proved at St Aidan's Primary School in Gateshead.

Two years ago, as an experiment, I divided a Year Four class of eight- and nine-year-olds into groups of roughly four per computer. I simply told them, "I'm going to ask you something really hard. Human beings talk to each other in lots of different languages, but where did language come from?" Then READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

MA RKPIN DE R/ GUAR DIA NN EWS& MEDIA LTD2010 ( OPENINGS PR EAD)

disengaging from a formal classroom education because they think they know better than the teacher. And, in a way, they're right.

For the past four years, I've been studying teaching methods in schools in the north-east of England. When I ask pupils what they think of their lessons, I've been told: "Why should I sit and listen to someone tell me lots of facts when I can find them on the internet in five minutes?"

This isn't arrogance. These children are simply "digital natives" who've grown up using the web on a daily basis and have developed different ways of absorbing information from older generations. Luckily, I think I've found a way of harnessing this to keep them stimulated in class—and actually improve both their understanding of core subjects and exam results.

I left them to find some answers using the internet. They were free to talk among themselves and to other groups.

The only rule was that if they got too rowdy, the session would end. But because it was an enjoyable break from the normal school routine, by and large they behaved. Their teacher Emma Crawley had little to do but sit and watch.

The original feature in Reader's Digest

My only rule? If it got too rowdy, the session would end.

They behaved readersdigest.co.uk

"DIGITAL NATIVES" IN ACTION

After an hour or so, the children reported back with some extraordinary insights into the history of language, well beyond what you would normally expect from nine-year-olds—such as theories about how it had developed from animal noises. A few months later we tested the children on what they'd learned and they had almost photographic recall.

They'd also understood what they'd discovered, Emma reported, as they slipped relevant bits of information into other lessons.

Emma began to repeat the technique—which I call the Self-Organising Learning Environment method (SOLE)—for other topics. Each time, she would start with a general question, such as "What was ancient Egypt like?" or "Why is everyone so worried about the environment?" and leave the children to research online in small groups for around an hour.

She would then take what they'd learned and use it to introduce specific subjects covered as part of the curriculum.

The kids were engaged, they barely realised they were doing school work and they gained impressive results.

Their SATs scores—in subjects including English and maths—rose significantly in a year. They were also passing GCSE-level questions years before they were due to take them.

107

M So how does SOLE work? Children feel more relaxed looking for information and answering questions in small groups. If they get something wrong, they know they won't be made to look foolish. Through reasoning, discussion and cooperation they can also find new ways to discover material online and understand far more of what they find than they would individually. Emma has found that it improves children's attention span and behaviour, too.

CARRY ON SURFING At the start of the project, one child asked me, "Why should I work to become a professor like you, when I can earn almost as much as a bus driver?"

This isn't a statement you'd be likely to hear in India. Economic development in the West has narrowed the gap between rich and poor, but, ironically, this has robbed some children of ambition.

Why bother to study hard at school when you can have a reasonable standard of living in a manual job?

But SOLE seems to reinject children with a love of learning—their enjoyment of the process is motivation enough.

One boy told me he'd wanted to be a footballer but, since using the method, he now hoped to be a primatologist.

Following the success at St Aidan's, several other schools have asked

for demonstration SOLE classes. Some teachers are cynical—letting children study in self-supervised groups can seem chaotic at first—but most are receptive. British primary schools have, on average, one PC for every seven children, but even younger members of staff have little idea what to do with computers, beyond the odd IT or science class. SOLE gives them an everyday purpose.

I've given talks on this learning method to MPs at the House of Commons, but I don't think it should be imposed on teachers by the Government. Teachers need to embrace it individually and spread the word to colleagues. This month, Emma and I are visiting schools to demonstrate SOLE, and I hope it will be adopted across the UK. I really believe some children could use it to pass their GCSEs much earlier.

At present, SOLE is seen as experimental. My vision is that one day it will be taught in teacher-training colleges— and become a fundamental part of modern education. • As told to Simon Hemelryk >> Sugata Mitra is professor of educational technology at the School of Education, Communication and Language Sciences at Newcastle University.

oastguards recently came to the aid of a man who got trapped by rising tides on the Scottish island of Cramond. Nothing odd about that—until he gave his name as Daniel Defoe, otherwise known as the author of Robinson Crusoe.

"He was a bit sheepish about revealing his name," said a spokesman, "but this Daniel Defoe did all the right things and the rescue was straightforward." In other words, he wasn't marooned for 28 years and didn't adopt a parrot

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READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

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WELCOME TO THE PAGES THAT HELP MAKE LIFE SIMPLER, EASIER AND, WE HOP ' MORE FUN! STARTIN HERE WITH...

should know...

HOW TO ....get on with BRING THREE ADULTS TOGETHER FOR A FAMILY REUNION and the eldest is soon running the show. Meanwhile, the youngest plays the charmer and the harassed middle one tries to keep the peace. There's just no escaping the impact of your position in your family, says psychologist Linda Blair, author of Birth Order (£12.99), because the characteristics are imprinted between the ages of three and seven.

NI COLEHI LL/ RUBBERBALL/ P HO TOLIBRARY. CO M

1,001 things.., is compiled and written

by Linda Gray

1,001 things everyone

Siblings are hard-wired to compete for parental attention, and to do that we have to be different. So because we're rivals (as the Milibands prove) we continue to squabble like five-year-olds.

Birth order affects our choice of partner and even our careers, but it's never more evident than when we're with our family. Instinctively, we revert to the pattern learned

HOW TO ...keep your feet dry

as children. "When you were a child,you didn't have the power to control your emotional reaction. Nowyou do," says Blair. "Watch out for old rivalries. If you were jealous ofyour elder brother's success then,you could feel the same about it now."

So let it go, even if you're still smarting from that Chinese burn in 1973. Your shared history means the relationship is too important to jettison, says Blair.

"Siblings can be increasingly important in adult life—after all, who else in your life has known you so long?" And hang onto the thought that had the birth order been reversed, you might be just as annoying as they are.

FOUNTAIN GROUP/ WHITE/ PHOTOLIBRAR y. COM

HOW TO ...enjoy the flight THOUGH SITTING IN AN ALUMINIUM TUBE POWERED BY BLOW LAMPS is enough to make anyone nervous, most of us manage to stifle our fear of flying. But as many as one in three finds it impossible, says pilot and psychologist Professor Robert Bor, and either endures the flight in a panic or refuses to fly at all.

In many cases, even airlineendorsed courses at £250 a pop don't work. "Up to 4o% of people who take part still can't get on a plane two years later," says Bor in his book Overcome Your Fear ofFlying (£7.99). The answer, he reckons, lies in ourselves, not the airline's safety stats.

WELLIES AREN'T THE ONLY WAY. Thanks to nanotechnology,you can skip through puddles without squelching.

Originally developed for army use to repel chemicals, ion-mask is a microscopic plasma that shrugs off liquid. Tests on clothing and eyewear are in process, but at present it's primarily used for shoes, especially trainers and walking boots, because it waterproofs without adding weight. It performs brilliantly in tests—Which? gave Hi-Tec's V-Lite boots with ion-mask top marks for water-resistance after soaking them in a tank for seven hours.

So hopefully they'll survive the odd shower.

111

1,001 THINGS Start by challengingyour beliefs (My hands are shaking—I must be in danger).

Then question your three worst fears (Turbulence means we're going to crash) to see how valid they are, replacing generalities (Flying is dangerous) with specifics (I feel vulnerable up here). Now change your behaviour, dropping any reassuring rituals. Gulping vodka or gripping the armrest generate more

anxiety, so stop your body's panic response by focusing on your surroundings and slowingyour breath.

When you're ready to book a flight, stay within your comfort zone. If being stuck for hours in the middle of a jumbo jet is terrifying, book an aisle seat to Paris instead. If your heart still pounds at the thought, ask your GP about cognitive behavioural therapy, available on the NHS.

HOW TO ...stop nuisance calls

Sign up for TPS anyway (look on the web for their site and follow instructions to register). This should stop UK-based sales calls, though it can't block those made abroad or from debt collectors or market researchers. Nor can it handle silent calls. For those, TPS recommends Silent CallGard, which blocks calls from automated diallers, if not your ex.

If that doesn't work, BT's Choose to Refuse service bars up to ten UK numbers for £3.40 a month. It also 112

offers anonymous call reject for £4.10, but there's a risk that it could block fire and rescue services, too.

Should you desire peace at any price, buy a TrueCall blocker from Amazon (£89.95). This gizmo divides numbers into a safe list and unwanted ones and suppresses silent, withheld and international calls, too. It asks for names, and only contacts you if they comply. So those unwanted callers get a taste of their own medicine with a brusque automated response. Genius!

FOTOSEA RCHVALU E/ PHOTOL IB RARY.CO M

YOU CAN WIN THE COLD-CALL WAR, even if the switchboard is in Albania, beyond the reach of the Telephone Preference Service.

CHRIS MCGRATH/ GETTY IMAGES SPORT

YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET YOUR ELBOWS OUT IF YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT THE SHOPS OR BOARD A CROWDED TRAIN: after all, you could face a senseless mob liable to turn nasty. Except that crowds aren't like that, says psychologist John Drury of Sussex University, who believes they are frequently benign. "A crowd is instinctively cooperative," he says. "Studies of emergencies such as Hillsborough, 9/11 and 7/7 show that even in extreme danger, people rarely panic. Instead, they look after each other."

The emotional bond sensed at a

a crowd isn't other people. Like it or not, if you're in a crowd,you're part of it.

But if you'd rather get out?

• Don't push your way into a confined space. Move forward steadily to create a smooth flow, giving people space to leave as well as enter and to move around you.

• Keep on your feet. If you fall, pull yourself up by grabbing other people's clothes, says Grylls. If you can't, roll into a ball and protectyour head.

• Communicate. Explaining why people should leave in an emergency stops the inertia that's more lethal than panic, says John Drury.

• If you're trying to win over a crowd,

football match or concert binds individuals together, he says. (Indeed, it's a fiction that we dislike crowds, as anyone who's sat through a play in a half-empty theatre will know.) This shared experience means that if crowd-control measures

emphasise that you're all in it together. It's the reason strikers traditionally appeal to their "comrades".

• Stay on the sidelines so it's easier to peel

such as kettling affect bystanders, they're more likely to feel sympathy with the demonstrators than the police. Because

off. Ifyou're hemmed in, move sideways to escape, says survival expert Bear Grylls.

Look for all the exits, just in case.

113

W.,

1,001 THINGS

FOR £30 A YEAR AND A COUPLE OF HOURS A WEEK, you could have a plot bursting with vegetables straight out of The Good Life. Or maybe not, because almost 5o% of allotment holders flunk the Tom-and-Barbara test in 12 months, despite waiting an average of three years for their plot. So what goes wrong?

It's too big Local authorities are legally bound to provide allotments large enough to feed a family of four, traditionally 300sq yards. If the full size is daunting, ask for a half-plot or to share with someone who knows their onions—you could learn a lot.

It's a tip Some authorities will remove rubbish and strim the plot before handing it over (congratulations, Plymouth) but many expect you to clear it. Neglected plots should be cheaper to rent.

It's all weeds "Strim it, then cover two-thirds of the plot with black plastic for ayear to choke weeds," advises Lia Leendertz, author of The Half-Hour Allotment (note,that's 3o minutes most days), £16.99. "Plant quick-growing crops like lettuces and courgettes in the remaining third to motivate you."

It's a desert Dig in plenty of muck, start a compost bin,then plan four areas for the different plant groups— legumes, root veg, brassicas and onions. Still struggling?

Request a visit from a National Society of Allotment and Leisure Gardeners' rep, 01536 266576.

It's not fair Break the rules and the allotment inspector can fireyou. Councils usually insist allotments are regularly tended, and they ban hosepipes. You may need their consent to grow more flowers than veg, or to have chickens or even a shed. >> For a monthly allotment update, read Joanna Cruddas's blog at readersdigest.co.uk.

114

What your plumber won't tell you >> Plumbers are often gas fitters too. But ask to see my Gas Safe registration before I meddle with your heating—it's illegal for me to work without it.

>> A new boiler lasts about ten years. The old monster I've just removed might have served you for 25, but condensing boilers—the only type I'm now allowed to install— won't go on that long.

They're more efficient so you might save £225 a year on fuel. But if it costs £3,500 to have it installed,you'll lose D25pa.

>> Pray for a warm winter.

Modern boilers can't cope with extreme cold because the condensed water they produce turns to ice. (If this happens, use a hot-water bottle to melt it, then press the reset button.)

I blame lazy installers. They could lag the pipe, fit a heating element or do what

JOHN CA REY/ GARD ENPICTURE LIBR ARY/ PHOTOLI B RARY.COM; INGRAMPUBLISHING

HOW TO ...tame an allotment

I do—drain the fluid into the waste-water system inside where it's cosy. >> I know combi boilers

are popular, but they're LU really best for small co 2

families. They heat water on demand, like a kettle, 0 so you may have to wait 0 for that long, hot bath, especially if someone runs

LU

a tap elsewhere. Still keen?

0 Opt for a storage combi 2 boiler that keeps hot water CD in reserve.

>> Not every Mr Fixit is a plumber. Next timeyou pick a name out of Yellow Pages, ask if they're a (.0 LU member of CIPHE, the Chartered Institute of 11.1 Plumbing and Heating C0 Engineers. Members 0 have an NVQ Level 3, LU plus a five-year track record.

--/

If you only do one thing, find out how to turn

the water off at the mains. lfyour supply's metered, LU the off switch will be on CD the meter. If it's not, find 5 the stopcock and turn it clockwise.

CD LU It's usually under the sink.

H

0-

ce p

0

>> Why don't you lag the pipes?

Claims for burst pipes

topped £35 million in 2009/10, but most could have been prevented. A well-insulated loft warms the living space but keeps the pipes out in the cold, so wrap them up. Sorry, sacking won't do—they need proper pipe insulation for a snug fit.

>> Turn the heating down, not off. If you're away, the pipes could burst in a cold snap. And in unused rooms, it's best to keep heating on low to prevent cold spots.

>> Just because it says it's flushable doesn't mean it is. Put tampons and wet wipes in the bin if you don't want to pay my call-out fee.

>> Forget the free watersaver. Water companies will send you one to put in the toilet cistern if you ask, but don't bother if you've had a bathroom makeover.

Loos under 12 years

old use less water, so you'll find you won't need one.

>> Four things that will save you Eas in call-out fees. A hair trap for your shower, £5. Spare 0-rings or washers for dripping taps, £1.50 a pack. A key for bleeding radiators, £2 max.

And an industrial-size Coopers plunger for blocked loos, about £7.

>> The water police are watching. Moving house isn't the only timeyou're expected to have a water meter. Water companies can insist on one if you use a sprinkler, have a power shower or live in an area of water scarcity (hello, East Kent).

>> Don't replace things piecemeal. Buy a toilet pan and cistern together if you want the loo to flush properly. And budget for some pipework or at least a chemical cleanse when replacing a boiler or the radiators won't warm up.

>> Why pay me to fix the too? If the overflow's dripping, the ball valve —£12 from B&Q—has probably failed. Turn off the water and flush the cistern.

Undo the pipe to the ball valve, remove the old valve and simply bolt in the new. Simple!

•

115

HEALTH

on the Ward Max Pemberton witnesses the consequences of a dilemma that many parents face Mrs Demilade is shaking her head and crying. "It's all my fault," she says, while a nurse comforts her by gently patting her on the hand. I glance over to Mrs Demilade's son Richard,

many parents wanting the best for their child have faced. She had to decide whether or not to give him

prostrate on the hospital bed. The tube which he is now fed through snakes its way from his nostril to a bag of greyish fluid. It's a

link between the MMR vaccine and autism has been categorically disproved, the doctor who undertook the research has been struck off the medical register

"She chose not to have her son vaccinated,

and the journal that published the original piece of research has retracted it, the idea persists that this vaccine

regret it" heartbreaking scene for anyone to witness, let alone a mother. But Mrs Demilade is finding it particularly difficult—because she blames herself.

When Richard was a baby she was faced with a dilemma. It's one that

the MMR vaccination against measles, mumps and rubella. Although any

can be dangerous.

Mrs Demilade decided not to have Richard vaccinated, and she tells the nurse she'll regret this for the rest of her life.

The MMR vaccine was developed because the infections it protects against can be dangerous. For

PHOTOGRAPHED BY SEAMUS RYAN

most children, measles, mumps or rubella are unpleasant, but not life-threatening. However, for a small but significant minority, the illnesses can lead to permanent damage.

Richard was particularly unlucky. The infection went to his brain—a condition

known as encephalitis. It lay dormant for ayear.

Richard started to behave strangely and had seizures. Since then,

The Bowe

he's had many hospital admissions to tryto manage his condition, although there's no cure.

It's possible he'll continue to deteriorate. Mrs Demilade had to give up her job as a librarian to

The bowel, or intestine, can be broadly divided into two separate parts—the large and the small intestine. The small intestine is further divided into the duodenum, jejunum and ileum, and the large intestine is divided into caecum and colon.

become her son's sole carer. She does the job with dedication and love.

It's particularly poignant because Richard is not in this situation because of neglect or carelessness. She only wanted to do the best for him. She blames herself, yet I can understand how someone reading scare stories in the press, with no medical training, unsure what to believe, would make the choice she did. The tragic fact is that while the scares around MMR were false, the fears around the infections remain well founded, and for Mrs Demilade and her son, unbearably real. t Max Pemberton is a hospital doctor, and the Mind Journalist of the Year 2010.

These distinct segments are important because each one has a specialised function.

Not so "small" intestine The small intestine is where the majority of digestion takes place. In an adult, it measures about 16 feet and has a diameter of about an inch. Enzymes are released from the pancreas into the bowel when food is detected. Another hormone is activated that stimulates bicarbonate to be released into the bowel, neutralising stomach acid. As food moves through the small intestine, it is broken down into molecules that are absorbed into the bloodstream.

Proteins are turned into amino acids, fats into fatty acids and glycerol and carbohydrates into sugars. These can then pass through the bowel wall into the blood vessels. Certain parts of the small intestine absorb certain nutrients as they pass—the duodenum, for example, absorbs iron.

Clever colon The main function of the large intestine is to absorb water.

It takes about sixteen hours for matter to pass through it.

By the end of the passage through the large intestine, faeces have formed. The colon also absorbs a few select nutrients, such as vitamin K, which is produced by bacteria living there.

MP WI

Next month: the blood ILLUSTRATED BY DAVID HUMPHRIES

W1

117

HEALTH You can look great and feel great, but you might be surprised to learn that your cardiovascular system can age faster than you do. We sent four Reader's Digest employees to a Bupa health centre for some simple checks,

How old are you Sarah StewartRichardson, Picture Resource Manager, Books Real age: 36, Heart age: 33 Or Mace: A good result. She should continue to take regular exercise and drink sensibly, keeping an eye on her weight and getting her blood pressure checked regularly.

Sarah: I'm pleased, especially as my good exercise routine had slipped after returning to full-time

inside? work after maternity leave about 18 months ago. Maybe I can fit in some exercise at home oryour new Wii!

Robin Humphrys -Smith, Campaign Manager Real age: 34, Heart age: 41 Or Mace' Robin's cholesterol (6) and blood pressure (14o/76) are both higher than ideal levels. He should cut his alcohol intake to within the recommended 21 units a week and do

1 .11 Sarah Height 5ft llin Weight list lib

including cholesterol and blood pressure, and then used an online tool to work out their heart age.

To help them improve or maintain it, Dr Peter Mace of Bupa Health and Wellbeing offers some advice

sandwiches will be a treat, not the normal weekend breakfast! I also intend to cycle more as the weather gets better.

Roberta Mitchell, Picture Researcher, Magazine Real age: 57, Heart age: 49 Or Mace: Roberta had the highest reading for HDL, or "good", cholesterol, contributing to her relatively t,

•

Robin Height 5ft 9in Weight1Ost7lb

' 1 I rtl

some regular exercise.

Robin: From now on bacon

Roberta Height 5ft 4in Weight 8st 10lb

Robert Height 5ft 11 Weight 12st 8lb

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youthful heart age. HDL cholesterol helps remove LDL, or "bad", cholesterol from the arteries. Regular exercise will help Roberta maintain that level.

Roberta: I'm a vegetarian and eat a lot of fruit and low-fat meat substitutes.

I've lapsed with the gym recently, but feel that now is a good time to start again.

Robert Harman, Music and Video Marketing Manager Real age: 43, Heart age: 60 Or Mace: Robert's BMI is at the upper end of acceptable. He also has raised cholesterol (6.1) and blood pressure (136/108), so should aim to lose some weight and monitor the amount of saturated fat and salt in his diet. After that, he should quit smoking.

Robert: Blimey, this is a shock! I started cycling to worki8 months ago—a • 14-mile round trip—and have lost two stone.

Obviously I must now stop smoking my usual five E cigarettes a day. I'll also try

o

< to substitute fish and z chicken for red meat.

0 • Want to test your Li own heart age, or find LD' out about Bupa health assessments?Go to • readersdigest.co.uk/links.

120

OVARIAN CANCER

The quest for a test -

Ovarian cancer kills four times as many Walk • women in the UK as cervical cancer, mainly because there's no easy way of diagnosing it.

Often called the "silent" disease, symptoms can be vague but include persistent pelvic and abdominal pain, bloating, difficulty eating and feeling full quickly. These might be combined with other problems such as urinary problems, changes in bowel habit, fatigue

111111 „JO1114 • Ir" • •1.

•• 11:1/2: • ••

or backache.

But encouraging news is that a blood test for a protein linked with the disease, CA-125, looks hopeful. One study found the CA-125 blood test was more effective when used with three other cancer markers. So a mass of research is going into developing it as a reliable screening method. And atrial of 200,000 women is underway at University College London, with results expected by 2015.

"We can pick up 8o-9o% of cancers that will develop in the next year before there are any symptoms," says chief investigator Professor Ian Jacobs. "But the big question is whether it's early enough to save lives."

For this reason, there's other work going on at UCL to find blood tests that could pick up tumours even earlier than CA-125 can. "The holy grail is that in five to ten years' time, a woman will be able to walk into a high-street chemist, give a blood sample and then find out her risk of developing ovarian cancer duringthe nextyear."

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

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HEALTH

5 ways

to stay off the fags 1.Write it down. Jotyour reasons for quitting on an index card and keep it to hand to remind you. Incentives might include, "My health, my children, my partner..."

This takes about the same time and is much better foryou. Or find another diversion, such as a phone call.

4. Save money you'd spend on fags in a large glass jar.

British researchers found that volunteers were better able to ignore the urge to smoke when told to picture themselves playing tennis. Better still, actually play it.

such as a cruise.

5. Eat nuts. Eat four nuts for every ciggy you crave. You'll useyour hands and mouth, getting the same physical and oral sensations, plus nuts are nutritious and lower cholesterol.

3. Play patience on your PC instead of having a cigarette break.

WE13$4

for prostate health

Guys, are you peeing all the time but too embarrassed to go the

non-profit-making doctor? If so, you can go to a new website instead. European Men's Health Ask about this symptom Forum, has a research purpose, too. The plan is and other prostateto find out what men related questions really want to know anonymously and you'll about their prostate and get an answer from an to use that information urologist or specialist urology nurse, bypassing (confidentially) to design better health promotion your GP entirely.

• But the site, run by the materials for men.

"See readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblink

MEDIACOLOR 'S/ A L AMY; A CHE DERROS/ ON OK Y/ PHOTOL IBRARY.COM

Earmark that money for somethingyou've always dreamed of doing but never thoughtyou could afford,

2. Visualise a tennis match.

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E;;;;;. a heat •"

BEAUTY

A shade There was a time in my life when, if you'd offered me blue eyeshadow, I'd have held out my fingers in a cross shape in the hope of warding off such terrible taste.

Ditto fuchsia lipstick. Yet this spring, I've never seen so many colourful cosmetics. And have never been so tempted to try them.

But if you've spent aeons doingthe brown/beige thing, how doyou start dipping into colour again? Pablo Rodriguez, senior artist at MAC, gave me some tips.

"It's easier if you start with pastels before moving onto brights," he says.

"Or apply colour in sheer layers, using a

accentuate with something bold— perhaps just use a more vibrant colour on the lips."

Sharon Dowsett, catwalk make-up artist and UK director for make-up for Maybelline, New York, thinks the current brights can be confidence-boosting, as well as flattering.

"Colour can be easier to wear than you think," she says. "For instance, if you stick to one colour and use only pink, say, on eyes, lips and cheeks, it has an automatically harmonising effect. Just be sure to use black mascara to avoid eyes lookingtired

or sore."

But is age a barrier to brights? Estee Lauder's brilliant creative director Tom Pecheux reckons soft brush and then Get set for eyeyou don't have to be intensify by using one super-youngto popping make-up that's firmer. Don't enjoy the trend— overdo it. Simply shades this spring, and that you can choose one element says Jan Masters use colours to of the face to 124

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

ROYHSU/ MONS O ON I MAGES/ PHOTO LIB RARY.COM

more Bari

experiment and express different facets of your personality. To that end, his new Pure Color Lipstick (£18) and nail lacquers

COURTESYOFORGAN ICSURGE.COM; PHOTOLIBRA RY. COM

(£14) offer subtle and classic colours alongside more avant-garde shades.

Certainly, there's something for everyone.

Myfriend's 17-year-old daughter is crazy for the nail enamels in Wicked Green and Wild Blue, which on her look fabulously funky. I went for Violet Diva, which has proved surprisingly sophisticated.

Guerlain has also seduced me with a colour that's usually way off my radar: fuchsia. The shade is at the heart of Guerlain's stunning eyeshadow palette Rue de Rivoli (£52.50), which teams it with softer shades, such as gold and ivory.

And the collector's edition Rouge G de Guerlain lipstick compact in Fuchsia Delice (£28.50) is prettily subtle once on the lips.

Mirror, mirror on the wall readersdigest.co.uk

It's a man's world, too "If there are two essential skincare products that I'd recommend men buy (apart from sun protection), it's a face wash and a face mask," says Alan MacKenzie (inset), the man behind Organic Surge, the beauty and grooming range available at Boots that's packed with natural ingredients.

The Daily Care Face Wash (£5.1o) sweeps grime clean away, and the First Class Mask (£7.14), a non-drying, rinseoff formula, delivers a brightening boost and burst of moisture. "Men don't automatically think a mask is for them, but if they don't moisturise every day, this is agreat wayto cram in some intense reconditioning," he says.

And as the products have a fresh, contemporary look, they pass what Alan refers to as "the Gym Bag Test"— ie, would you pull them out in public? Happy to say both my husband and I would.

INSIDER TIP INSIDER TIP INSIDER TIP AIL.. A

Get a peachy glow

,01

According to psychologists at the University of St Andrews, eating a diet rich in fruit and vegetables that contain carotenoids, such as carrots and tomatoes, can giveyour skin aglow that in tests people found to be more attractive than a tan developed in the sun. The message?

Rather than walking on the beaches, hit the peaches!

I was chatting with Caroline Barnes, Max Factor's award-winning make-up artist, when she revealed that as she's applying cosmetics she can tell if a client uses a mirror that's side-lit. "It's easy," she says. "One eyebrow is more cleanly plucked and better-shaped than the other!" You've been warned...

•

125

MONEY

that credit card debt A balance-transfer credit card is an incredibly useful tool when it comes to organisingyour finances and, if used correctly, can help make your debt cheaper and easier to clear.

How does it work?

Balance-transfer credit cards are designed to reduce how much interest you pay on your debt. These days, providers typically charge an interest rate of around 17%-18% APR, which means if you don't clearyour balance straight awayyou can end up paying

to pay any interest on your debt, aside from an initial fee of around 3%, for as long as the offer lasts—roughly 16 or17 months if you manage to snag one of the

a fortune.

By movingyour debt onto a balancetransfer credit card with a lower interest rate, more of your monthly repayments go towards reducingyour debt instead of paying off interest, which should mean you're able to repay it faster.

deal,you'll have to pay some interest on your debt, but the deal is likely to last

How do I know which balancetransfer card to choose?

There are two types—the o% deal and the long-term low-rate deal.

If you opt for a o% deal, you won't have 126

very best deals.

If you choose a long-term low-rate

much longer than a o% deal.

Can I spend on a balancetransfer card?

Many providers try to tempt customers into spending on their card by offering a short-term interest-free period on new purchases. However, due to a nasty trick known as "negative-payment hierarchy", this has always been a dangerous trap to fall into.

WI

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MONEY Negative-payment hierarchy is when you're made to repay the cheapest debts —your balance transfer—before debts that attract a higher rate of interest, such as new purchases and cash withdrawals.

As a result, expensive interest charges can build up quickly.

Fortunately, the Government has now changed the rules on negative-payment hierarchy and, as of this year, all providers will have to put people's repayments towards their most expensive debt first.

This should mean the consumer will pay less interest overall.

But remember that the point of a balance-transfer credit card is to pay down your debt, so be wary about adding to your balance unless you're positive you can repay everything within the offer period.

What else do I need to know?

These days, if you don't have an excellent credit ratingyou may find it difficult to get a new credit card—particularly if it's a market leader. Also be aware that many providers don't allow existing customers to apply for certain creditcard deals, so make sure you check the small print.

Finally, it's crucial you don't miss any payments or exceed your credit limit. If you do,you could not only be hit with a fine, but your provider may also decide to withdraw your balance-transfer offer.

Victoria Bischoff is a personal finance reporter at Citywire Money, an independent website that helps people make the most of their money. See readers

5 SNEAKY SALES PRACTICES Savings account names Accounts called "Halifax Liquid Gold" and "NatWest Diamond Reserve"

O

may sound like they're offering top interest rates, but in reality they often pay pitifully small rates, according to Which?.

The Newcastle Building Society's High/ Extra High Interest Account (now closed) paid a rate of just o.oi%, for example. This would give an annual return of lop on every £1,000 saved—hardly "extra high"!

Broadband speed Broadband providers came under fire not long ago for failing to make it clear to customers that the headline speed advertised is not the actual speed they'll get. Accordingto Ofcom, a whopping 97% of us do not get the speed we think we're paying for—with nearly half of us getting less than half of the speed advertised.

Providers claim this is because your speed is affected by a whole range of factors such as where you live, how much you download and how often you go online.

But Ofcom claims this is unacceptable and has warned providers that if they don't buck up their ideas they'll face stricter regulation.

Debt-management companies These companies are often guilty of misleading customers into believing AIL" the service they provide is free. It's also

digest.co.uk/Links.

128

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

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Offer cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer and may be withdrawn at any time. This offer is not available to existing RAC customers, Full RAC Terms and Conditions apply, available on request.

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MONEY

\

not always made clear that there are free government and charitable services

V/

available to consumers.

Last year, the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) said the level of non-compliance with regulations across the sector is unacceptable and warned 129 debtmanagement companies that they face losing their consumer credit licences if they don't improve their standards.

The OFT also warned that too many advisers workingfor debt-management companies lack competence and provide consumers with poor advice.

Loan "repayment holidays" These "holidays" are not quite as jolly as they sound. While some lenders sell the idea as a "benefit", for the majority of people it will only make their

0

loan more expensive.

Why? Because your loan period will be extended and you'll be charged far more interest as a result. This often isn't explained to people clearly enough.

Supermarket deals Tempted by multi-pack offers in supermarkets under the assumption it works out cheaper than buying items individually? It's not always the case. Last year, Which?accused Sainsbury's and Asda of "illegally misleading" shoppers over the pricing of such offers and reported the pair to trading standards.

Sainsbury's, for example, was selling a triple pack of sweetcorn labelled "bigger pack better value", when it was cheaper to buy three tins. The supermarkets put their mistakes down to human error.

130

Beware boilerroom

scams Also known as a "share scam", a boiler-room scam is when a fraudster pretending to be a stockbroker tries to sell you shares that are worthless or nonexistent. But what are the warning signs?

It's a cold call. If you haven't done business with the company before, be very, very wary. Why are they callingyou? How did they get your number?

Most fraudsters use a professionalsounding name and convincing website —some even steal reputable names and masquerade as existing companies.

They're based overseas. It's illegal for a UK-based company to cold-call someone and try to sell them shares, so companies are usually based abroad. Many, however, will have a UK-listed telephone number to look as though they're based in Britain.

You're promised massive returns, but the salesperson doesn't explain how READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

FOR PROTECTING YOURSELF Take your time to make a decision.

Ask the salesperson questions and request written material.

these will be produced. They may also temptyou with a "free gift" or "discount".

They claim to have "inside knowledge".

But they won't tell you what it is or how they got it.

You're told you can't lose. Any investment involves an element of risk, so this is untrue—a legitimate company would never make this promise.

You have to buy there and then. The last thing a fraudster wants is foryou to "go away and think about" their offer. If you feel under pressure to make a quick decision, alarm bells should start ringing. readersdigest.co.uk

You're asked to keep the call confidential.

If it's a scam, fraudsters won't wantyou telling all and sundry. Legitimate companies will usually be happy for you to talk to others and ask for advice.

You're asked to pay upfront. Watch out for people who request an "advance fee" as a form of "security". Until you're sure the deal is legitimate, you should not be handing over any money.

They ask for your bank details. A reputable company would never, ever, ask foryour bank details, or indeed any personal details, over the phone.

a Check the stockbroker's details are listed on the Financial Services Authority's (FSA) online register of authorised firms. Try calling the firm back on the switchboard number provided by the FSA to make sure the call is comingfrom where it should be.

Check on the FSA website for a list of known scams to see ifyour experience

matches anything listed.

- Compare the market to see if the return you're being offered is realistic and consistent with similar schemes.

Investigate a company's status and contact details, and check to see if it's a registered company on the Companies House website. t. If in doubt, always seek independent advice. •

131

FOOD

Very saucy My Love of fishing is no secret. And, to be honest, I'm surprised by my passion for the sport because no one could accuse me of being a patient sort of fellow. In fact, my attention span is so short that even the remote control on our TV starts to complain when I put it through its paces. "Good things come to those who wait" is not exactly my philosophy of life. I tend to want it—now!

Fishing is the antidote to all of this and I'm aware that every time I stand on a riverbank I'm learningthings about myself. I like to call it hidden depths. One thing we can all agree on is that nothingtastes better than a freshly caught fish. Sadly, salmon fishing is a rare treat for most of us, but one of the good things about modern life is that salmon itself is no longer a luxuryfood.

This dish is perfect either as a starter or healthy main course (or not so healthy if, like me,you add chips). The sauce might seem fussy on paper, but it's dead simple to do. If you make too much of it or want extra for a different occasion, then just pop it in the fridge. It will separate after an hour or two, so give it a quick stir before it has another outing.

I'm all for cutting corners in the kitchen, but one thing I won't compromise on is the freshness of the herbs. This sauce just won't taste the same if you use dried ones. The other thingto remember is that you can make the dish as hot as you want: just add more Tabasco. Serve with a crisp dry white wine and keep it to yourself that you've used more than a good dollop of ketchup!

132

FILLET OF SALMON WITH KETCHUP AND HERBS (serves 2-4) 2 salmon fillets

Extra-virgin olive oil (or clarified butter) Fresh herbs of your choice, to garnish For the sauce i7ogtomato ketchup 5og finely chopped shallots itbsp chopped fresh chives itbsp chopped fresh tarragon itbsp chopped fresh chervil 2tbsps Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce About io drops of Tabasco sauce 2tbsps white-wine vinegar Maldon sea salt i5oml extra-virgin olive oil 1. To make the sauce, mix all the ingredients together.

2. Cook the salmon fillets (start skin-side down) in the olive oil or butter in afrying pan for a few minutes on

C LIVE BOZZ AR D- HILL

Tasty fish in less time than it takes to get to the chippy? Easy, says Marco Pierre White

each side, or longer depending on their thickness.

3. Put the fillets on a plate, skin-side up, and pour over the sauce.

Garnish with soft herbs—basil, parsley, or whateveryou like.

• Marco Pierre White is donating his fee for this column to Macmillan Cancer Support.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY FABFOODPIX.COM

MARCO'S MAGIC Not everyone goes for raw onion, so chop the shallots as finely as possible.

It will also mean the sauce lies more evenly on the fish

..........

"I eat anything— ''• I'm a total scoffer,"

says cover star Samantha Womack.

"The only thing I don't like is ..* celery" ...• ••.. ......... .•••

133

FOOD & DRINK

Dee Emerton-Hill from Folkestone rustles up a warming dish for hungry hunter-gatherers

RABBIT STEW

Red

Blooded Pinot Noir is hard to grow and expensive, but its gutsy flavour is well worth it, says Will Lyons

Wine snobs love to tell you about the joys of Pinot Noir the red grape variety made famous by the Hollywood film Sideways. At its most sophisticated Pinot Noir is redolent with delicious smells such as strawberry, cherry, loganberry and spice. In Sideways, the lead character Miles loves it because it's so difficult to grow. Its spiritual home is in France's Burgundy region, where it's undoubtedly sensational, but sadly expensive. Pinot Noir is never cheap, but recently countries such as New Zealand have produced some excellent bottles.

Check out Asda's Extra Special Marlborough Pinot Noir 200813.5% (€9.48), which is packed with ripe, juicy, raspberry flavours—while Majestic's Oyster Bay Pinot Noir 2009 Marlborough 13.5% (reduced to £8.79

—

1 rabbit, skinned and jointed; 2tbsps sea salt; flour for coating meat; butter and oil for browning; i large carrot, thickly sliced; 1 onion, chopped; 2tbsps sherry; i pint chicken stock; 1/2 pint white wine; 6-8 whole baby cherry tomatoes; handful of raisins; 6 chestnut mushrooms, quartered; asps tomato purée 1. Soak the rabbit in water with the salt for about 4 hours. Dry and coat in seasoned flour.

2. In a heavy casserole dish lightly brown the rabbit in the oil and butter. Remove and fry the carrot and onion in the same pan for a couple of minutes to colour slightly.

Add the sherry.

3. Return the meat to the pan, adding the stock and white wine to cover. Bring to the boil and place in a preheated oven at 35o9F/18o0C/ Gas Mark 4 for about an hour.

4. Add the tomatoes, raisins and mushrooms and cook for another hour until the meat is tender. Stir in the tomato purée and season.

Serve with roast potatoes or mash.

134

when you buytwo) has a similar style, but perhaps with more dark-fruit flavours.

Tasmania has also started to make interesting Pinot—Oddbins' Whirlpool Reach 200813.7% (£10.99) has lots of red fruit and cherry flavours with a soft freshness on the palate. Try these wines with roast chicken or cold ham. •

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

Damp proofing without the mess of replastering!

DAMP is a creeping menace that affects thousands of homes across the UK. It rots woodwork and carpets, peels wallpaper and causes fungus and mould growth on walls.

During the cool, wet months those tell-tale signs of damp will become more visible in your home.

Treating your property for damp now is the best way to make sure your home is protected.

Holland Damp Proofing is a breath of fresh air that can permanently rid your home of the scourge of damp. No chemicals, no mess and no replastering — your property dries out... and stays dry for good. The idea is simple: draw out the moisture and the damp will disappear!

The Holland Damp Proof System® involves a series of small damp-regulating bricks which neatly fit into specially prepared niches in the external walls of your home, close to the ground.

These cleverly allow air to flow into the brick

chambers and out again — circulating airflow through the inside of the wall which evaporates the moisture, drying out the wall and allowing it to breathe.

Holland's no-chemicals system is mess-free, and as the work is completed from the outside, there is no need to replaster. It can be used on most types of wall (including stone) and combines perfectly with cavity wall insulation.

And we are so confident that it works — we'll give you a 20 year guarantee, so you can have total peace of mind.

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nMy allotment cabbages, sprouts and cauliflowers were all disappointing. My fellow allotmenteers say the soil is too sandy and dry. What can I do?

A These brassicas prefer PA moist, rich, limy soils.

Preferably follow a pea or bean crop from the previous year, add lime (a handful per squareyard) and rake this in thoroughly, well before -t the brassicas are planted.

Bob Rowerdew answers Start them in small pots and plant out as soon your gardening questions as you can in these I've moved to a house with a very spring months. Plant

Solutions

neglected garden—masses of weeds, grass and a few biggish apple trees. How can I tidy it?

A Before growth has started—while you PA can see whatyou're doing—dispose of or store every bit of litter and other debris, and remove any obviously dead wood from the trees. It might be worth having a bonfire, especially if you have woody weeds such as brambles or scruffy shrubs. Dig these out or cut them to ground level, then cut up and burn or dump (properly!).

Then, with a tough rotary mower set high, start regular weekly mowings of the whole area, returning the clippings.

If there are bare patches, over-sow with tough "recreational" grass seed. In only 136

a tad deeply into soil mixed with as much compost, organic fertiliser or well-rotted manure as you can afford, then firm really well.

Give each plant as much space as you can and water regularly.

fl

1 want to fill my small front 14 garden with perfumed plants.

I have several tub-sized planters, a couple of window boxes and READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

STEPHE N SHEPH ERD/ G PL/ PHOTOLI BRARY.C OM; INGRAMPUBLISHING

a few months it will have turned into a grass sward —and by midsummer your garden will be a picture!

JOSHUAMCCULLOUGH/ GPL/ PHOTOLIBRARY.COM; GERTTABA K/ GPL/ PHOTOLIBRARY.COM

some hanging baskets, but I'm bored with just lots and lots of colour.

Any ideas?

In your window boxes *sow night-scented stocks. But, as this is an evening bloomer, mix with Virginian stocks for a prettier daytime show.

Add Zaluzianskya capensis or Cape phlox (with vanilla tones, but not edible!).

The baskets could have trailing nasturtiums, which are sweet, as are some petunias (mostly purple or violet ones). Sweet alyssum, particularly the larger white varieties, give off a strong honey scent.

In the tubs, preferably in part shade,you could grow daphnes—these shrubs are glorious shows with potent scents, but don't last long. Cheap and cheerful are well-perfumed honeysuckles, especially Lonicera etrusca. They don't love tubs but will survive. So will the glorious old red rose Etoile de Hollande—it may sulk, but it'll still smell gorgeous. >> Bob Flowerdew is an organic gardener and a regular on BBC Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time. readersdigest.co.uk

JOBS FOR March Don't delay—cut the grass, ex-ter-min-ate every weed and add mulches everywhere possible!

Only then should you hurry to finish the pruning and get any hardy herbaceous plants, fruit trees, bushes and shrubs planted (though evergreens might wait a bit longer). And before the spring rains dry up, get more water butts fitted.

Spring is almost here, but morningfrosts can still be a nuisance for pot plants. Stephanie Trotter from Claygate, Surrey, offers this advice. "Early in the morning, wateryour pot plants with tepid or even warm water. The frost dries them out, which is why they often die. You may have to pour in quite a bit to thaw out the soil, but doing it early in the day means that the plants have plenty of time to take water in before it gets cold again overnight."

Email your gardening tips and ideas—with photos, if possible—to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk. We'll pay £50 if we use them on this page.

137

buzzards may be waiting).

All sorts of oddities have been found in moles' nests, including cigarette papers,

The mole can shift its own body weight of earth in just one minute. At that rate, I could dig an entire pond in under three!

March is the mole's breeding season. Usually solitary, moles must first overcome their natural distaste for company, so the male digs new tunnels to find a female. If all goes well, she'll then build an

Baby moles

fertiliser bags and even fishand-chip wrappers. The mole gives birth to three or four tiny (3.5 grams) truly

underground nest in which to give birth. This entails trips above ground to get bedding (very dangerous, as predators such as foxes and

ugly, pink babies. She'll be an attentive mum, but once they're weaned she won't have her babies in her tunnels and will drive them out.

VELVET UNDERGROUND

• •

OUTDOORS

YOU DIRTY LOUSE The first swallows will soon appear, the sky ringing with their cheerful cries—I can't wait! Swallows often use the same nest year after year, but the old one may contain a nasty surprise—the louse fly.

Having lain dormant in the swallow's nest all winter, the pupae of the louse fly hatch to coincide with the birth of swallow chicks. Then this frankly hideouslooking blood-sucking fly crawls on board (its feet are like grappling irons) to infest a new generation. To a swallow, the louse fly is shockingly big. If you work out the relative sizes, it would be like walking about with three-inch > diameter crabs clinging to us. Ugh! O

• I WANDERED LONELY AS A... ...tiny lesser celandine, a- which was Wordsworth's

2- favourite flower—not the • daffodil. It's like a small buttercup, but with eight to 12 thin, golden leaves.

1- Wordsworth wrote three • poems about it, which is why locals wanted to carve g the flower on his monument in the 0Lake District.

LU II, (Unfortunately, they got confused EI and carved the greater • celandine instead.)

• But why did Wordsworth S like the lesser celandine so much? Probably the same reason I do—it's one of the EI very first wild flowers to appear in spring, a sudden splash of gold against fresh o green, a rare delight after

Wildlife atch

Swallows? Moles? That means it's spring says Martin Hughes-Games

the faded browns of winter.

"Celandine" comes from the Latin meaning "pertaining to the swallow" and it was supposed to flower as the swallows arrived (although in fact celandines appear early in March and the first swallows won't arrive until the end of the month). Keep an eye out for these spots of gold in the hedgerow.

• Martin Hughes-Games is a host of BBC2's Springwatch and Autumnwatch NIALL BENVIE/NATUREPL.COM (CELANDINE)

139

TRAVEL

My

holiday ever*

Pauline Rodger travelled around the Golden State and found the natives as welcoming as the weather After arriving in San Francisco with my friend Tracy to visit our pal Stephen, the first thing we did was hire bikes and tour the Golden Gate Park and shoreline to get a feel for the city. Next day was my long-anticipated visit to former hippy district Haight-Ashbury. I drank peppermint tea in one of the gloriously painted cafes and wished myself back in the Sixties.

Then we travelled

California Vacations offers Northern California, a 14-night fly-drive option at £1,645pp, which includes all accommodation, return flights and car hire (01582 46 9777'). (pictured below, with me on the left), setting for the Steinbeck novel Cannery Row, and Carmel where we had lunch in the Hog's Breath Inn, the restaurant

once owned by Clint Eastwood, and wandered round the art galleries. We finished with a visit to the monastery, where a wedding was taking place. The father of the bride actually invited us to the reception!

The friendliness of the people living here amazed me. Even the local Hell's Angels gave us directions.

So when they say "Have a nice day", I believe they genuinely mean it.

Send us a photo of your favourite holiday, tell us briefly what made it so special, and if we include it on this page, we'll payyou £75. See address on page 6.

further south, visiting Monterey

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GREAT ESCAPES FIRST BLOOM Cherry blossom season is in example, celebrates the end full swing in Japan in March of the sugar-cane season and April, and with a small and starts on July 2. group tour, such as the Try Tropical Sky for Japan Unmasked itinerary carnival experiences, such from Inside Japan Tours, as 11 nights all-inclusive at you'll have the chance to Grand Pineapple Beach in seethe country at its most gorgeous. Highlights include Antigua to coincide with the carnival starting on July 23 Tokyo, a temple stay in (£1,499, including return the mountains, flights from historic Kanazawa Lovely day for a Gatwick; 0844 and Hiroshima.

GUINNESS The best bit? At 332 9349*). £1,600 for 13 days, MINE'S A this trip is a total GUINNESS steal and runs Let Saint Patrick's until November.

Day inspire you to Flights start from around £500 return (0117314 4620*).

explore Ireland. Imagine Ireland has more than 1,500 self-catering properties from Tyrone to Tipperary, from £270 per week (01756 703191*). For wanderers, Leisure Breaks offers Go As You Please sail-drive packages, from £165 for two nights, with vouchers that letyou stay at 1,000 homes countrywide (01246 221753*). And for city types, Ebookers* has Dublin breaks from £121 (subject to availability), including flights and two nights' b&b at the Castle Hotel. Cheers!

EBSITE of the month Pitchup.com

TIME TO PA-A-RTY Carnival season falls at the beginning of March thisyear so, unless you're quick, it might be too late to jet over for Mardi Gras, but many Caribbean islands have summer festivals, too.

Barbados's Crop Over, for 142

We've been canvassing (ahem) opinion on the best camping websites, and award-winning Pitchup.com stands out from the crowd. With around 5,000 campsites listed across the UK and Ireland, it allows you to search by region and preference (eg, caravan hire, tent pitch, dog-friendly, "glamping", etc). Don't miss the useful sidebars detailing nearest pubs, National Trust • sites, cycle routes and places of interest.

*See readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblinks

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eurocamp ° To find out more or for your FREE brochure

visit: eurocamp.co.uk call: 0844 406 0583

THE RD CHALLENGE Welcome to another taxing round of mental. ping-pong, brought to you by the high-IQ society Mensa. See how many you can do in 20 minutes!

1. In the box provided, place a five-letter word that can be attached to the end of the given words. What is the word?

MINE IN CORN MID BATTLE AIR 2. What do the following words have in common?

FLOUR THRONE MADE CYMBAL CHEQUE SUITE

`1Jede saDeld uo os D@JylaJe dnai2 puoDas aio`laquildre saDeid OMl aye sJaDal sip u! jo dnoAls..14 ay1-0 .5 liaLpe2 pue cruaLiD `Tuat.iDiv •anuaD aw 550 05 pappe aye sJaqwnu wolloq 0551 NI 1t.121J wolloq aylsanl8Jagwnu dolayl snup Jaqwnu wolloq aw'apue!A u! VI pueiawoD pee u! .aJluaD 1LI8!J wolloq aw ul an!J -E iaams pue 'pew `UM0.114± IDayp 'log wAs `JOMOld —2upeaw pue2ufflads luatalpp e ul!nn pJonniawoue se uopepunuoJcl awes aul 554 wayip 14553 7 • Pia!J • L Sii3MSNV Answer to February's question Winery, honest, linear, panels, genets and finest This month's winner: Sheila Gorman from Dumfries

144

3. What numbers should replace the question marks in the fourth triangle?

4. Find words to fit the given clues.

Each group of crosses should be replaced with the same three-letter word. What are the words? ___xxx_

A target sport

_xxx__ A winged angel x x x Assemble ALL QUESTIONS SUPPLIED BY MENSA. FOR FURTHER DETAILS OF MENSA IQ TESTING, VISIT READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/LINKS

5. What letter should replace the question mark?

M

E

0

K

B L

R N

H

V

G

....

PRIZE QUESTION

You are invited to our Royal_ Wedding

Send us the answer to this question—the first correct one we pick on March 1 wins £50!* Email excerpts @readersdigest.co.uk

1

Meet the real.

William and Kat insider information' from our tea of Royal reporter

3 4 2 5 The answer will be published in the April issue

SO HOW DID YOU SCORE? One point for every correct answer

0-2 Howard the Duck. A bit of a flop.

3-4 The Bourne Identity. A solid effort, but still lacking immortal status.

5 Gone With the Wind. Oscar gold!

ILLUSTRATED BY MARTIN O'NEILL;

....

PLUS Marianne Faithfull WHAT MUSIC CAN DO FOR YOUR BODY—AND MIND Why aren't diabetics getting better treatment?

SMALL, BUT PERFECTLY INFORMED

2010 MARIO TESTINO

145

MARCH'S BOOKS A N Wilson finds love, death and dirty nappies in the pick of this

PILE

OF STUFF AT THE

PHILIP HENSHER

BOTTOM OF

THE STAIRS

month's new titles

KING OF THE BADGERS JOYCE CAROL

0 AT E S A Widow's

Story 1Loaolf

°

IMON CHESTER

frayed relationship between the married pair, Mary and Joel—although, for me, it's a little too vivid to be funny.

On the other hand, the half of the human race who thinks life's too short not to rise above this sort of thing might wonder what all the fuss is about.

THE PILE OF STUFF AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS

A WIDOW'S STORY

by Christina Hopkinson (Hodder & Stoughton, £12.99) This is a comedy to which half of the human race will respond rapturously.

By that, I don't mean women, but those people whose home lives revolve around pointless domestic anger about, say, who does the washing-up, or who changes the two-year-old's stinky nappy. Certainly, the book vividly evokes the impotent rage of such messy households, as well as the

by Joyce Carol Oates (Fourth Estate, £20) Joyce Carol Oates, one of America's most prolific novelists, was married to Ray Smith (first a professor, then a publisher) for nearly half a century. When he went into hospital with pneumonia, they thought he'd be fine in a couple of days.

Within a week he was dead. This raw, rambling book is a chronicle of her grief: combining dreams, memories of their life

146

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

MAGALIDELPO RTE

by Philip Hensher (Fourth Estate, £18.99) Philip Hensher goes from strength to strength as a novelist. His latest book is a big, old-fashioned chronicle of a Devon estuary town—the incomers, the locals, the gays, the secretly gay apparently happily married man, the possibly abducted child of a local woman...

In the broadest sense the result is a comedy that sympathises with a wide range of characters and never neglects the duty of fiction to be entertaining. But it's also a superb "way we live now" chronicle.

What more can you ask of a novelist? And how many British writers are working on this scale, or with this degree of panache?

together, letters from friends—and more practical stuff, too, such as the account of choosing a plot for his grave.

Without bereavement, we take it for granted that we'll use up the day and sleep at night. Oates is merciless in her depiction of the difficulty of getting through the night without drugs and, having woken, of getting through another day until it's time for the next sleeping pill.

Her powerfully sad book will help those who have been down this unhappy road, and provide useful signposts for those who await the (inevitable) experience.

THE ALICE BEHIND WONDERLAND

RD BOOK CLUB WITH JAMES WALTON Each month, James Walton —RD books editor and presenter of Radio 4's book quiz The Write Stuff—invites you to read our recommended paperback and let us have your comments and marks out of ten. Our professional critic A N Wilson then reads the same book and James reports on how your views compare.

MARCH'S CHOICE

With One Day David Nicholls has achieved the dream of authors everywhere: to have a word-of-mouth hit so huge that these This is a very readable short account of days every train carriage in the land Charles Dodgson's friendship with Alice contains at least one person reading his Liddell, his love of photography—and his book. But would the "will-they-won't creation, under the pen name Lewis Carroll, they?" tale of Dexter and Emma—as it of the two immortal stories of which she is unfolds on July is of everyyear from 1988 the fantastical heroine. The story is ...... onwards—have the same irresistible told in breezy style, but not %... effect on RD Book Club members? without several howlers: all the Cover star Samantha Womack's • THE VERDICT more surprising, given that favourite book "has got it's published by Dodgson's Of course, nobody would want to be" Khaled Hosseini's university's press. On one . to accuse Book Club members The Kite Runner: page, we're told that Alice's of being snooty. Even so, it's "I never wanted it father, Dean Liddell, pronounced to end" clear that a fair few of you had to .•• his name by emphasisingthe last .......... conqueryour prejudices about syllable; on another, that it rhymed with "romcoms" in order to read the novel. fiddle. (The latter is true.) Those who know "This is not normally the kind of book about Thomas Gaisford—Liddell's I'd choose to read," wrote Allan Russell predecessor as dean of Christchurch firmly—but, as it turned out, he found the college—will also smile at Winchester's result "funny, absorbing, perceptive and reference to a "retiring" character. Still, at thoroughly enjoyable". least Winchester is sane about Dodgson's And on the whole, it was this sense of supposed paedophile tendencies. sheer enjoyment that came across most mr.

by Simon Winchester (Oxford University Press, £9.99)

.......

readersdigest.co.uk

147

"Thanks to this, the book is genuinely,

strongly—with virtually all of you laughing at the funny bits, being moved by the sad ones and relishing the precision of the cultural references as

laugh-out-loud funny. And for anyone who spent any of their youth in the late Eighties or Nineties it will be particularly —if at times

Jim Sturgess and Anne Hathaway in the forthcoming film of One Day

the decades pass.

Two other, more specific, reactions were also widely shared. The first was best summed up by Carole Balfe of Lincolnshire who wrote that "I've never

been so happy to see two people finally get together—and,yes, there was a strange hallucinatory feeling that they were my closest friends." The other was a melancholy sense of how quickly time passes and youthful idealism disappears.

Happily, none of this received any arguments from A N Wilson who, to reduce his enthusiasm to a pithy two words, found the whole thing"entirely successful". No wonder that both he and you ended up giving One Day 9/1o.

Our Critic of the Month is Sam Michell of London, who wins the £100 in book tokens for this neat summary of the novel's appeal:

excruciatingly—entertaining.

All in all, the only downside of reading One Day is the certain knowledge that at some pointyou'll finish it."

COMING UP April The Mighty Walzer (Vintage, £8.99) by Howard Jacobson

BUT THEN...

April will be the last RD Book Club for now. The good news is that this is to make room, from May onwards,

for even more books coverage in an exciting new section.

Apologies For more "The two characters are so book reviews and to any of believable, so familiar, that everyone who reads this book to add comments of you who your own, please go to have been will either feel they know an readersdigest.co.uk/ swotting up Emma and Dexter, or are an magazine your Ian Emma and Dexter. Yet this is McEwan for not some mawkish romcom: the May Book Club.

Nicholls' world is so well observed, But, if you're his writing so sharp, that you'll read parts quick, it's still not of the book thinking, Really? Other people

too late to be April's Critic of the Month: the deadline for The Mighty Walzer is March i5. As ever, marks out of ten and comments and reviews of all kinds are welcome. Write to RD Book Club, Reader's Digest, 157 Edgware Road, London W2 2HR, or email bookclub@ readersdigest. co.uk.

In return, we'll give £ioo in book tokens to the Critic of the Month and publish their verdict—in edited form—here.

Happy reading!

think that, too? I thought it was just me.

148

READER'S DIGEST MARCH '11

BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE Daisy Waugh is a Sunday Times columnist and has just published her seventh novel, Last Dance with Valentino—for which she spent 14 years immersing herself in the life of Rudolph Valentino, the first-ever screen idol. She and her family live in London.

J1LLY

COOPER

OCTAVIA

by Jilly Cooper When I was a teenager living in a cold house

in Somerset, Octavia gave me a glimpse of the dizzy allure of London—nightlife, wall-to-wall carpets, suntanned people wearing sexy clothes.

There's a scene where Octavia dances in a nightclub, while men go weak at the knees, and I remember thinking it doesn't get any more glamorous than that. I longed for it and must have read the book zo times. I did go on to live a more cosmopolitan life than the country offered, and there were often times when I wondered, "Have I caught up with Octavia yet?" I don't know a woman who doesn't love Jilly Cooper— she's in a class of her own.

of gratitude to Dickens for providing me with a means of escape. I have a very clear memory of sitting outside, sobbing, as Sydney Carton sacrifices himself and goes to the guillotine, while all the time a builder working on a house opposite moved very slowly in the intense African heat. I don't read Dickens so much any more—I feel in too much of a hurry. I hope that, in a few years when my pace of life has slowed, I'll have the time to enjoy his books again.

ADVENTURES ,/:, HOLLYWOOD SECRFIAP

ADVENTURES OF A HOLLYWOOD SECRETARY edited and annotated by Cari Beauchamp

I'd already written a lot of Last Dance with Valentino when I came across these letters sent by Valeria Belletti, a secretary working in Hollywood

I read this classic while I was teaching in a village in Kenya. I was incredibly lonely

in the 1920s, to her best friend in New York.

I've never felt such a weird and exhilarating thrill because it was like stepping into agenuine version of my own fictional heroine, who had existed so large and for so long in my head. Suddenly here she was for real! And yet I'd already created her myself...it made me feel almost god-like. It was the most intensely moving experience, like getting a spy's view of the world I had been obsessed with for myears. •

and found myself being moved to tears

As told to Caroline Hutton

A TALE OF TWO CITIES

by Charles Dickens

readersdigest.co.uk

149

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LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE! I asked the lady in W H Smith if they had the book How to Deal with Difficult People. She spat in my face and told

"You're perfect for this job, Perkins.

You're unflappable"

me to find it myself.

Comedian Matt Rudge

I love that TV show with all the different video clips of things going disastrously wrong all the time. What's it called? Oh yes —the news!

Max Cooper, Cheshunt, Hertfordshire nt It's important to live your life by a motto.

I chose to live my life by the motto,"My enemy's enemy is my friend."

Unfortunately, as it turns out, my enemy is his own worst enemy. So I have

to invite him to barbecues.

Comedian Richard Herring Richard's show Christ on a Bike is touring until May 21

my internet-thieving neighbours on their toes for a while.

Seen on the internet

IN The doctor said my hernia is in my "super pubis region". I told her

If you steal an inflatable mattress, my advice is to lilo.

Melvyn Dover, Weymouth

my whole pubis region is super. She didn't laugh.

Comedian Michael Ian Black II I've just renamed my Wi-Fi network "Police Surveillance Van Number Two". That should keep

IA Big girls don't cry?

Such a load of rubbish.

They cry because they're fat, because they can't get a boyfriend and because there's no trifle left.

Comedian Sarah Millican

The instructions on my microwave meal say stir and recover. How tiring do they think stirring actually is?

Comedian Gary Delaney, by Twitter 152

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

A bad simile is like a lighthouse with no muesli Comedian Peter

Sea. I suppose I could have become a pirate.

Comedian Patrick Monahan, on growing up in Teesside

Serafinowicz, by Twitter People would shout, "Go back to where you came from!" But I'm half Irish, half Iranian.

The mid-point between the two is the Caspian

I've just upgraded to Sky HD and I have to say I'm impressed. The sentence "No satellite signal is being received" has never been so colourful and clear.

Seen on the internet

!just had a water bill for £175 drop on my doormat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just Ez a month. Time to change supplier, I think!

Richard Miles, Orpington, Kent

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, CHAPS Think you've got the refinements and style of an old-school English gent? Gustav Temple's guidebook Am I a Chap? (Beautiful Books, £10.99)—out this month—lays out what it takes to qualify as each class of fellow, from cad to codger.

The Country Squire: Doggedly holds on to his tenuous position in the local village (which his grandfather owned). He now rarely makes it to the village shop without being mugged.

The Dandy: Dandies do not travel well, as a creased neckerchief during transit is likely to spoil any holiday. In the summer, they may move to a slightly cooler part of the house, but generally prefer not to depart from their chosen postcode.

The Old Codger: He usually favours some form of facial hair and relies on his tailor to disguise his burgeoning embonpoint. His wardrobe contains row upon row of tweed suits and Tattersall check shirts.

The City Gent: He used to be the bastion of Britain, sortingthe nation's finances out duringthe week, then shooting pheasant at weekends. These days, the city gent has moved rather swiftly to being the country's favourite pariah and is forced to wear his beloved pinstriped suits and bowlers only at night, to avoid being stoned in the street.

The Libertine: The libertine gets all his sustenance from wine, laudanum and the occasional glass of blood (on Sundays and special occasions).

readersdigest.co.uk

153

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE! .•••"

.•• ** '''

** *** •

./ Cover star Samantha •••..

Womack's favourite joke: ••• • • This guy I met told me he was walking down the street the other day when someone threw cheese, cream and a pint of milk •••.. over his head. I said, ...* •••... "How dairy!" ....** "• .............

she felt was extortionate.

She asked for the manager, who said it was a standard charge. He added that the hotel had a swimming pool, in-house entertainment and Wi-Fi. When she complained that she had used none of these, the manager remarked that they were available

After staying at a London hotel overnight,

and she could have.

The woman took out

a guest was presented with a bill for £250, which

her purse and paid him £50, saying that she

"DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT" Creative use of punctuation can add humour to any piece of text. The unnecessary quotes blog celebrates the inadvertent ironies produced by quotation-mark abuse.

was deducting £200 for him sleeping with her overnight.

"I certainly did not," blurted the manager.

"Well, I was available and you could have," she retorted.

Bob Croucher, Cambridge Had a long chat with an estate agent today and afterwards, I felt quite moved.

Comedian Colin Owens

For Your Safety 1. "Do Not Climb on Toads" 2. "Non-Service Animals Prohibited" 3. "Use Of The Water Feature If Ill With

A Contagious Disease is Prohibited" 4. "Do Not Drink Water From The Water Feature" 5. "Use Of The Water Feature When HI With Diarrhea is Prohibited."

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154

READER'S DIGEST • MARCH '11

I'll never forget what my dad used to say to me when I was a kid. He'd say, "Son, when you grow up, never quote me."

Why do rich people talk so loudly? Is it because they have bigger rooms?

When I was a kid and adults asked me what I wanted to be when I'm older, I used to say, "Younger."

My doctor says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll just see about that.

Callum McVie, Perth, Scotland "Bring Your Child to Work" days must be most disappointingfor the children of teachers.

Comedian Tony Cowards

Tonight's show is about doubt...

Or maybe it isn't Comedian Bill Bailey readersdigest.co.uk

"Oh my god! It's the woman of my dreams!"

• 155

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BEAT THE CARTOON! WIN £200 AND A SIGNED ILLUSTRATION Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the comedy experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-March alongside an anonymous caption cle+,^ from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite, and if your entry gets the most votes,you'll receive £200 and the original, signed drawing. Submit your captions to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 6 by March 10. You can also enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/ caption. We'll announce the winner in our May issue.

JANUARY'S WINNER

-4,

Like a brave Gaul rising up against his Roman overlords, cartoonist Simon Meyrick Jones struck a spirited blow for the scribblers this month. His caption, "Those poor Christians. Did no one think of doing a risk assessment?" won by a fairly comfortable margin.

SCOREBOARD READERS 15 CARTOONISTS 9 • A.m..,"

See 43 nist" 13 e Corot

the

bury 511revisFe• ar (April f 1511611/1 1511611/1 160

Enjoy taking on the comedy experts? It's even better in the flesh! We'll be hosting a live version of "Best the Cartoonist" in the square from 11am to 4pm on April 15 and 16—it's a great chance to meet some of our cartoonists and the Reader's Digest team face to face. Hope to see you there!

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estminster

CI POST Simply complete and post the order form

Cgs oast 5.105pqm from BT Unlimiled Weekend Plan. Mobile and other providers' charges may vary. © 2p11 The Westminster Collection , a ming dvision of 288 Group LimledRegistered No.

) : Fussell House,

d, Boumerriavn, BH8 8EX

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SHAKE UP YOUR COLOU Rich tones & highlignts, now in a cro free foam,

SHAKE it FOAM it

LOVE .t

Dimensional tones and highlights, now, in a delightful, drip-free FOAM! Permanent colour with 100% grey coverage.

Our model is wearing shade 6.5G. Go on, be a shade braver.

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