Reader's Digest UK Jun 2019

R E A D E R ’ S

HEALTH • MONEY • TRAVEL • RECIPES • FASHION • TECHNOLOGY

D I G E S T

JUNE 2019

| S M A L L A N D

GRENFELL

P E R F E C T LY

Voices From The Community Two Years On

I N F O R M E D

Foodie Revolution

MEET THE GOURMET GAME CHANGERS

| J U N E

CULTURE

Alice Cooper

2 0 1 9

19

Rock ‘N’ Roll Memories

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JUNE 2019

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Contents

78

p

JUNE 2019

Features 16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD Olly Mann professes his love for a good, old-fashioned paper diary

20

p

ENTERTAINMENT

20 INTERVIEW: ROSE MCGOWAN The actress and activist on #MeToo, directing and her journalistic ambitions

30 “I REMEMBER”: ALICE COOPER The rock legend looks back on a career of shocks and stardom

HEALTH 38 GUT INSTINCTS Recent studies prove that our brains and our stomachs are intimately connected

68

Exploring China’s latest experiments with fine food

78

The best places in Britain to pack a picnic and some patience and wait for a bite

COVER ILLUSTRATION © ELLY WALTON

VOICES OF GRENFELL Survivors, heroes and activists share the way in which the tragedy touched their lives

INSPIRE

58 BEST OF BRITISH:

FISHING SPOTS

INNOVATIVE EATING

88

TR AVEL & ADVENTURE

CUBAN SUNSETS Discovering the joy and rhythm of Havana

JUNE 2019 • 1

DIGESTED N E W M O N T H LY P O D CA S T Each month Reader’s Digest navigate the woes and wonders of modern life, weighing in with leading experts on the everyday tools we need to survive and thrive in 2019.

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Contents JUNE 2019

In every issue 9 12

Over to You See the World Differently

48 52

HEALTH Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton

66

INSPIRE If I Ruled the World: Moby

98 100

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE My Great Escape Yoga holidays

102

MONEY Column: Andy Webb

106

110

FOOD & DRINK Tasty recipes and ideas from Rachel Walker HOME & GARDEN Column: Cassie Pryce

118

p

106

p

116

FASHION & BEAUTY Column: Lisa Lennkh on how to look your best Beauty

118

ENTERTAINMENT June’s cultural highlights

114

122 127

BOOKS June Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: Bernadine Evaristo

128

TECHNOLOGY Column: Olly Mann

130 133 136 140 143 144

FUN & GAMES You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers Laugh!

60-Second Stand-Up Beat the Cartoonist

JUNE 2019 • 3

SENIOR EDITORS Anna Walker, Eva Mackevic EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Jessica Summers ART DIRECTOR Richard Cooke ADVERTISING Jigs Pankhania MARKETING Sarah Hughes HEAD OF FINANCE Santwana Singh FINANCE MANAGER Irving Efren

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JUNE 2019 • 5

In This Issue…

EDITORS’ LETTERS

I’ll never forget the night, two years ago, that I watched in disbelief as the horrors of the Grenfell Tower fire unfolded on my TV screen. As a London resident, the sense of grief in the city was palpable, and the first time I saw the tower with my own eyes, hollowed out by flames, felt like seeing a ghost. The tragedy shocked the nation, but two years on the community are still fighting for justice. At the time of writing, nearly 100 households remain in temporary accommodation.

Dangeous cancer-causing chemicals have permeated the area. And the official inquiry has now revealed that experts warned of fire-spread risks two years before the disaster. On p78, we remember the victims, and hear from three people whose lives the tragedy changed forever.

Anna Also in this issue, we travel to some of the most unusual and thought-provoking corners of the world, starting with Havana, Cuba, on p88. A city bursting with colour, flavour and sound, it’s also a place where time stands still after years of economic and diplomatic isolation under a strict totalitarian regime.

From Cuba, we move to another communist country, China, on p68, and investigate its rapidly growing gourmet food market which is getting a new lease of life following numerous scandals. From pork fed on rose petals to edible bird nests, these unusual delicacies are bound to awaken the culinary adventurer in you.

Eva

Follow us facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk @readersdigest_uk You can also sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk Reader’s Digest is published in 27 editions in 11 languages JUNE 2019 • 7

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Over To You LETTERS ON THE APRIL ISSUE

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

Despite having been an ardent Things reader of To Know About Reader’s Digest Arthritis for many years I’d never found Letter of the need to THE MONTH express my thanks covering the numerous informative articles, until reading “25 Things To Know About Arthritis”. This article hit me with such relevant, concise and real information that I felt compelled to share my feelings. Although, compared to the clear explanations offered by the writer, my heartfelt endorsement of the article feels unsurpassed.

This subject of arthritis, so varied as it can be, has been—in my past reading—a seemingly black art where clear and concise explanations are hard to come by. Yet this article was written a clear and simple fact breakdown which covered my concerns and it was transparently understandable. I feel as though I know the mechanisms of the condition now. A great piece of writing covering a complex subject and so informative—well done all.

Thomas Scott, Clwyd HEALTH

This painful joint disease is actually a collection of many ailments. The first line of defence: Educate yourself

BY SAR I H AR R AR W IT H ADDIT IO NS BY LU CY W ILDMAN

1234567890

40 • APRIL 2019

I L LU STRATI O NS BY JAMES STEI NBERG

25

| | 02•2019 [[2R]]

LIFE AND DEATH We need to talk more frequently and more openly about death. Hopefully your thought-provoking article “Dancing with Death” will provide a conversation starter for many readers and their families.

I have experienced the loss of several friends and family members in the past few years—in both expected and very sudden circumstances—and while you’re grieving there is nothing worse than having to arrange a funeral with no idea of what the deceased would have wanted.

It doesn’t matter who we are or what stage of our lives we’re at, death comes to us all. It is our last act of kindness as we depart this earth, to leave our loved ones with the comfort of knowing that they are carrying out our wishes.

Margarita Kaloghirou, Warwickshire

1234567890

JUNE 2019 • 9

OV E R TO YO U

ANIMALMANIA

AT PEACE WITH THE AFTERLIFE Like Antonia Beck, I used to be preoccupied with questions around death in my youth.

I used to close my eyes and try to imagine what it was like to be dead, and not knowing what was going on in the world.

As a nation, we appear to revel in the detail of birth. Switch on your TV and you will be accosted with programmes such as Call the Midwife and One Born Every Minute.

Interviews with midwives would seem to suggest that they feel it is a privilege to be allowed to witness the birth at what is a momentous occasion in the life of a family.

And similarly, as a former nurse, I always felt it was a uniquely parallel privilege to be allowed into the life of an individual and their family, at the momentous occasion on the other side of the lifespan.

The more discussion we have on the topic, the less scary the end of life will become.

Ruth Greenwood, Isle of Man

Positivity-AW_RC.EM.indd 73

28/02/2019 16:21

We Want To Hear From You Send letters to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

Include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number.

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10 • JUNE 2019

We can sometimes forget the amazing and spectacular wildlife that Britain has to offer, so thank you for the reminder, in your wonderful feature “Best Of British Wildlife”.

Locations around the world hold certain native species that you won’t find anywhere else, and while it might seem as though the interesting animals in the UK are lacking, the truth is we house an abundance of fascinating wildlife. I was charmed while looking at the ones in your article.

At my brother’s home in Torrington, Devon, he regularly spots otters and badgers. I look out my back door and see stoats, polecats and mink regularly too and every year a flock of curlews land on my field. There are many interesting native species in Britain, some very rare indeed.

Who needs to go abroad to see wildlife? Not I. Shanie Lloyd, Clwyd 1234567890

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PHOTO: © TI M GAIN EY / ALAMY STOCK P HOTO

See the world TURN THE PAGE…

13

14

PHOTO: © GETTY IMAGES / NIC K BRUNDLE P HOTOGRA PHY

…differently Early spring is finally poppy season. The glowing red petals of the coquelicot dot fields and gardens and please the eye.

Worldwide there are roughly an additional 120 types of poppy and not all of them are grown simply for aesthetics. Some of them, like Papaver somniferum, or breadseed poppy, provide the seeds that refine various Austrian cakes, pastries and desserts. From the same plant however, opium can also be won, so the cultivation of this red beauty is strictly regulated in many countries.

IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

Dearest Diary This month Olly Mann professes his love for the lost art of keeping a physical diary

W

henever I fantasise about going on Desert Island Discs—come on, we’ve all done it—I’m preoccupied by the playlist. Do I choose records that actually represent my life, or take the easy way out, and select only the credible ones? Consider: the first album I bought was Ten Good Reasons by Jason Donovan. (That was also the second album I bought, just in case I lost the first cassette.) Yet somehow I can’t imagine putting forward “Too Many Broken Hearts” as one of my eight discs. In my adolescent years, I was a Meat Loaf fan, but most of the songs I liked are about 15 minutes long, and don’t lend themselves to being clipped. Ben Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

16 • JUNE 2019

Folds would make the list, but which song? I have at least ten favourite Ben Folds songs! Nightmare.

However, when it comes to choosing my “luxury item”, there is no debate. I would, without doubt, choose the item that has been my companion for nearly 20 years, despite the fact that it has zero practical purpose on a desert island: my Filofax.

Yes, I still have a Filofax, and yes, I have heard of Google Calendar, thank you. I’m well aware of the various advantages provided by digital diaries—you can search them digitally, access them on multiple devices, schedule reminders, share your plans, back them up to the cloud, repeat a weekly commitment for months ahead, it’s free, it’s on your phone, it’s always with you—I KNOW. But look; my old-fashioned pen-and-paper diary is one of the few things that gives me a sense of control in this crazy world. And who

ILLUSTRATION BY GEORGIE FEARNS

IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

really needs yet another screen to look at?

The seeds were sown in 1991. At the beginning of each autumn term, all students at my school were handed a homework diary—a bespoke A5 ring-binder into which we were supposed to note down the content and deadline of our assignments. Since carrying it in your schoolbag was compulsory, it was an inconspicuous item to place on your desk in class, so, in particularly boring lessons, such as geography, I would doodle away in its pages, safe in the knowledge it was unlikely to be confiscated.

Over the years, I built up a bond with my homework diary: when no other mental stimulus was provided, it was there for me.

Through the hormonal fog of my GCSEs, it was a reassuringly stable presence.

But it was at university that I truly began to rely upon my pocket diary (at that point, I was still buying annual disposable ones from Paperchase. The Filofax gateway drug.) I realised that the most efficient way to ensure I knew precisely when I was supposed to be at a lecture, tutorial, working shift, dress rehearsal, club night or Starsailor gig at the Zodiac was by writing it down.

18 • JUNE 2019

I became accustomed to visualising my week in eight little blocks (Mon-Fri, plus a little space for notes). All day, my diary sat open on my desk, in my eyeline; so, come the evening, I would be able to see it still, like screenburn. If a friend in the pub asked if I was free for coffee at 4pm on Thursday, I could answer right away, by referring to my mental copy. (Drunkenly remembering to scribble the meeting in my actual diary when I got home at 1am took practice, but I became an expert.)

For my 21st birthday, my best mate got me a Filofax Pocket, in black (imitation) leather. The brand did, at this point, carry an association with the 1980s, but was not burdened by nostalgia like the Filofax of today. It was 2002, so the notion of a contacts book was already considered quaint— mobile phones could store hundreds of numbers—but there wasn’t, yet, a widelyadopted digital alternative to the pocket organiser when it came to scheduling. It was, I think, an acceptable gift to give a 21-year-old.

Over the years, this changed, rapidly. Everyone I knew dumped their diaries. But I had fallen in love with my Filofax. Occasionally I’d forget it at home, and mystify and frustrate my work colleagues when I’d be unable to commit to a date three months hence without first

READER’S DIGEST

“There’s something about the physical act of writing down appointments which helps lodge them in my mind” heading home and checking my organiser. But more often their smartphone batteries would die, and I would smugly produce my Filofax like a rabbit from a hat.

There’s something about the physical act of actually writing appointments down which helps lodge

them in my mind. I greatly enjoy replacing the pages each year, previewing the months ahead, seeing on which days family birthdays will fall, and circling the Bank Holidays. It’s relaxing. As a freelancer, with around a dozen employers at any one time and very few fixed commitments, my Filofax keeps me sane.

I laugh at the current trend for “bullet journalling”, which is, essentially, hipsters making their own Filofaxes and calling it mindfulness. I don’t need a bullet journal, man. I’ve got a purple stitched leather pocket Filofax, with a plastic ruler insert and a map of the London Underground. Join me. n

PUTTING THE FUN IN FUNERAL These celebrities chose to leave life behind in the same spectacular fashion that they lived Writer Hunter S Thompson, best known for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, had his ashes fired out of a cannon. The cannon was placed on top of a 153foot statue of a fist holding a cactus, paid for by actor Johnny Depp.

After Muppet mastermind Jim Henson died, his two funerals—one in London and one in New York, featured an emotional version of “Being Green” sung

by Big Bird himself. You can watch the performances on YouTube.

Following the cremation of legendary rapper Tupac Shakur, members of the rap group he founded, Outlaw Immortalz, allegedly mixed some of his ashes with cannabis and smoked them together.

After James Doohan—the actor who famously portrayed Montgomery “Scotty” Scott in the original Star Trek series—died in 2005, his family followed his far-from-ordinary final wishes, and launched his remains into space. They remained there for four minutes before falling back to Earth, landing in New Mexico.

JUNE 2019 • 19

ENTERTAINMENT

20 • JUNE 2019

Rose McGowan:

“Hollywood Was A Cult”

by Jessica Summers

Known for her activism and remarkable involvement in women’s rights, actress Rose McGowan speaks out on growing up in a cult, finding her voice and ruminates on what’s next for her career

R

ose McGowan is more softly spoken than one may presume. And given her tremendous impact on the #MeToo movement (the infamous socialmedia-led movement against sexual harassment and assault), people do presume she’ll be loud. But, like many other activists before her, she’s calm and unruffled—perhaps even cautious—when talking about herself.

“I like knitting” she offers when asked what she enjoys doing. “That might surprise people, and no, I’m not stabbing anyone with the needle I’m just knitting.”

We’re discussing the release of her New York Times best-selling memoir, Brave, a rollercoaster account of her much-lived life. “The book is not about sexual harassment” she adamantly explains. “It’s about a journey. I didn’t want to write a straight autobiography and I didn’t want to write a straight polemic, so I interwove the two; I broke the fourth wall and spoke directly to the reader, going back and forth through my stories and my thoughts.”

This weaving of two worlds isn’t a new concept to Rose, whose life has long since been split between JUNE 2019 • 21

I N T E R V I E W : R O S E M C G O WA N

Starring in Jawbreakers in 1999 (right); wearing her now-infamous dress to the 1999 VMAs with then-partner Marilyn Manson

I GO BIG AT FIRST AND THEN FIGURE OUT WHAT I’M DOING LATER the porcelain farce of a glittering Hollywood veneer and a woman who is, “a lot more like other people than not.”

Wondering whether her unusual upbringing in The Children Of God cult gave her a unique understanding when entering another peculiar world, I ask Rose what she originally 22 • JUNE 2019

thought when going into Hollywood.

“I think it both was and it wasn’t an advantage,” she explains. “It took me a while to realise Hollywood was a cult in its own right. Which is very interesting to me as they say if you’ve been in a cult before, you have a high chance of falling into another one—it could certainly account for some

SPORTSPHOTO / FEATUREF LASH ARCHI VE / ALAMY STOCK P HOTO

READER’S DIGEST

things. My upbringing didn’t train me enough for the sharks but there was no way for me to have known about that. I came from very honest people which gave me a rosier outlook on the world and Hollywood isn’t known for its honesty. So that was hard for me, it was an adjustment, and it was a lonely one.”

Rose’s ability to critically analyse groups and societal norms is adept.

Though she has perhaps been tainted by her past, she remains incredibly perceptive.

“Do you think cults may be more common than we think?” I ask.

“Oh yes, I see it everywhere. More often they tend to be lighter and less destructive but equally when it’s a lighter version it can be more dangerous— people think they’re free but quite the opposite would be

true. People may not even know they’re involved in one—we’re taught that cults are these bad scary things but there are so many layers and they’re all over the place. It’s not all ashrams and communes but cult-like thinking, which is really societal thinking, is very ingrained in us.”

Although most will recognise Rose from her various roles, (Jawbreaker, Charmed, Grindhouse) her immense involvement in women’s rights and that iconic VMA awards dress in 1998, she insists that she’s hanging up her thespian hat for the foreseeable future and is moving on to more governable pastures.

“I’d rather direct than act”, Rose says, letting the defiant gravity of the statement hang in the air. “I like being behind the camera very much.

It’s your own story and it’s your own voice and it’s your own vision JUNE 2019 • 23

I N T E R V I E W : R O S E M C G O WA N

AT THE MOMENT I’M UNRAVELLING A LOT OF LAST YEAR’S TRAUMA AND HEALING FROM THAT and passion. Acting is a very noble profession, it’s just one that came with a lot of pain for me personally, so I still don’t know how I feel about it. At the moment I’m unravelling a lot of last year’s trauma and healing from that.”

I ask whether her new-found love of writing is another endeavour she plans to continue.

“Yes. I’m even thinking of going to school to do journalism,” she reveals.

24 • JUNE 2019

“I was talking with my mother the other night, and I would love to be a war correspondent, that would be so cool. And I anticipate there are always going to be wars judging by how things are going.” The last sentence comes with a wry chuckle.

“I’ve written some magazine articles here and there but it’s something I’m coming into on my own. I’ve certainly always done things backwards; publishing a book for my first big written piece and starring in a movie when I’d never starred in one before, I go big at first and then I figure out what I’m doing later.”

This go-big-or-go-home mentality is something that I come to understand as an essential constituent of Rose’s thinking. Often while we’re talking

AF ARCHI VE / EVERETT COLLECTION INC / ALAMY STOCK P HOTO

Starring in witch sister drama, Charmed which ran from 1998-2006 (far right); her new memoir, Brave

READER’S DIGEST

Starring in Grindhouse in 2007. Director Robert Rodriguez later claimed he cast Rose in deliberate defiance of her blacklisting from the productions of the Weinstein Company

about her book or the current state of affairs, she’ll passionately curve the conversation toward how she’d like to help other people, before coming back again to the original point—as she does while I wonder aloud. “When you’re writing about your experience, how do you relate it to those non-famous people who may have struggled through similar torments?” I ask.

“There’s definitely a lot of crazy stuff going on in America and the UK—there’s a lot that is quite scary.

I think bravery is definitely required to handle both your own life and the broader questions in the world and it’s incumbent that we are the best selves we can be. My goal with Brave was ultimately that I was curious to see if I could be a ten JUNE 2019 • 25

I N T E R V I E W : R O S E M C G O WA N

I DIDN’T HAVE A VOICE FOR A VERY LONG TIME, EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMED LIKE I DID per cent better person. It was just an arbitrary number I came up with but I reasoned that if I can be ten per cent better I bet other people can be ten per cent better too. If I’m an activist for anything it’s just for social consciousness. It’s not just for women and again it’s not just about sexual harassment, it has more weight than that.”

26 • JUNE 2019

She stops for a moment to think and reflect.

“Not that [sexual harassment] doesn’t shape me, it’s just part of the flower that I am, it’s not who I am and it’s not other people either.

Often, when I meet people, there’s a crisis or an unhappy incident which they recall, but what I see is the

READER’S DIGEST

strength of those survivors.

I see the strength of bravery and how people being brave in their own lives changes their outcome. I was someone who didn’t have a voice for a very long time even though it seemed like I did, but everyone has a story and we don’t know it. I think writing is a really great way to get the talking down, but it’s just also realising the human experience.

We should all get to shout from the rooftops if we can, if we want to.”

I muse on the notion that tragedy can beget creativity and that the act of expelling a vision is so often a cathartic progression. Rose agrees and I ask her whether writing Brave was a healing process.

“It was” she replies. “A lot of people asked that while I was writing

it and I thought no, it’s torture. I was very angry with my father when I wrote the book so it brought up a lot of stuff. But then, after the book came out, I could visit him at his grave and he and I are fine now.”

Through our interview I’ve felt Rose’s vulnerability, the ease at which she quashes it and the earnest desire she has to improve the world of anyone struggling. And even though her acting days are gone, don’t expect to forget her talent any time soon. When I query her about her star quality she simply laughs and ripostes, “Well, as Katherine Hepburn said, ‘I don’t know what it is, but I’ve got it.’ ” n BRAVE by Rose McGowan is published

by HQ and is available in hardback, £20 and paperback, £8.99

AHEAD OF THE GAME Reddit users share the place they’d go in a worldwide game of Hide and Seek “My birthday party.”

“I’d hide in plain site pretending to be a seeker.”

“Wherever God has gone, he’s the reigning champ.”

“Wherever it is that missing socks go.”

“The top of a really tall building that only has stairs. Who else would bother walking up 50 flights of stairs?”

“The tenth page of Google search results.”

“In the boot of a car at a huge airport long-term car park.”

“I won’t tell you because if I did, you’d find me. Nice try!”

JUNE 2019 • 27

PARTNERSHIP

PROMOTION

VISIT GIBRALTAR

WEDDINGS Fancy getting married?—Say ‘I do’ in a dramatic setting Popular for weddings—Ceremonies are easy to arrange Beyond the registry office—Gibraltar has a choice of venues

NATURE

HERITAGE & HISTORY You don’t need a time machine in Gibraltar. Just look at the architecture—from the shopfronts and homes that line Main Street to Irish Town at the commercial heart of the city and Grand Casemates Square, the former site of public executions in the 1700s (now a vibrant spot dotted with restaurants and bars).

Soak up Gibraltar’s heritage—Admire historic architecture A UNESCO World Heritage Site—Gorham’s Cave Complex Explore the tunnels—Delve inside the Rock Gorgeous Gardens—Admire diverse flora and fauna

ADVENTURE Reefs, wreck and more – Amazing marine biodiversity The Mediterranean Steps – Tick off this scenic walk Feel your jaw drop in St Michael’s Cave – Impressive!

Visit Gibraltar’s Skywalk – It’s higher than the London Shard

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Visit visitgibraltar.gi Email info.london@gibraltar.gov.gi Call 0207 836 0777

Europe is at your feet; Africa fills one horizon; the gates to the Mediterranean and the Atlantic are on either side.

The journey to the top of the Rock rewards you with breathtaking views. From a height of 426 metres, see the African coastline, neighbouring Spain and the city’s quays, marinas and bays below. Walk up the Mediterranean Steps, part of the Gibraltar Unesco World Heritage Site complex.

Enjoy the views Feel on top of the world Gibraltar’s Nature Reserve Protected since 1993 Wave hello to the Barbary Macaques Meet Gibraltar’s cheeky monkeys Gorgeous gardens Admire the diverse flora and fauna

ENTERTAINMENT

Alice Cooper

I REMEMBER… Rock legend Alice Cooper, 71, is best known for such hits as “School’s Out” and “No More Mr Nice Guy” as well as his shocking stage antics. He looks back on his Detroit childhood, finding fame in England and how he once nearly ended it all… …BEING CHASED BY A GIANT BUMBLEBEE. That’s the first thing I remember. I was three or four years old and when you’re that young a bumblebee is about the size of a bird.

I remember it chasing me and I couldn’t get into the house, although eventually I did manage to get away without it stinging me.

Polish, one street was Italian, one street was Irish, and everything was about sports: baseball, football, hockey. We’d get up in the morning and ask, “Who are we playing at baseball today? We’re playing the Irish? Great!” There was never any racism going on; we were all just friends.

…I GREW UP IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN, which was a sort of allAmerican city where one street was

…DETROIT WAS AMERICA’S CAR CAPITAL and my dad sold cars so I was steeped really early in my life in

30 • JUNE 2019

I REMEMBER…

Alice with his sister Nicki Furnier at his high school graduation (Below); A photo from his high school yearbook circa 1966 (Opposite); With his first car at his family home in Phoenix

what was a Plymouth, what was a Ford and what was a Chevy. To this day I still have that in my DNA and I own eight cars. My father was a used car salesman and an honest one, which meant he never made any money, but my mum worked as a waitress—one of those jive-talking waitresses you’d always get in the diners—and it seemed we had everything we wanted. It was a very happy childhood. …MUM AND DAD WERE JITTERBUG CHAMPIONS. They did swing dancing on the local circuit and my dad played saxophone and was into Sinatra and big bands, which is where my love of music comes from. It was also around the time of doo-wop and Elvis and Chuck Berry so my parents also introduced me to rock ‘n’ roll.

32 • JUNE 2019

…I WAS 15 WHEN I FIRST HEARD THE BEATLES. I had no idea what I wanted to do in life, although I was good at art and so I thought that perhaps I’d become a commercial artist. Then I heard The Beatles on the radio and I thought, I’d like to try that. I put a band together with some friends one summer, and then the next thing you know we were playing at all these parties and in little bars doing covers of bands like The Beatles, the Stones, the Yardbirds and The Who.

READER’S DIGEST

…I CAME UP WITH THE NAME ALICE COOPER because of our reputation for being theatrical and confrontational on stage. I thought, Let’s go the other way from names like Black Sabbath and give them something they’re not expecting, like some sweet little old lady named Alice Cooper. …WHEN THE BAND BEGAN TO TAKE OFF we had the choice of going to college, which we all did for a year but the lure of Los Angeles and playing clubs like Whisky A Go Go was too strong so we quit school and moved there. It was like putting all our eggs in one basket and saying, “This better work.”

…EVERY RECORD COMPANY TURNED US DOWN, then Frank Zappa asked us to audition for his label because he was looking for unusual acts. When he said to be there for seven o’clock we thought he meant seven in the morning and he was so impressed that any band would turn up so early that he gave us a deal. …THE SO-CALLED “CHICKEN INCIDENT,” which happened at a music festival in Toronto in 1969, was an accident that became this urban legend in which I supposedly killed a chicken on stage. The truth is, I threw the chicken into the audience because I thought someone would JUNE 2019 • 33

I REMEMBER…

take it home as a pet and they killed it and threw it back on stage. …ENGLAND UNDERSTOOD US WAY BEFORE AMERICA DID. Our 1971 breakout album Love It To Death was a bigger hit there and I’ve never been more thrilled than when “School’s Out” topped the UK chart in 1972. Britain for us was like Oz and it meant that maybe some of our heroes, like Mick Jagger or Paul McCartney, 34 • JUNE 2019

might have heard of us.

Everybody thought we were British because of how theatrical and androgynous we were, “If it’s shocking it must be British.” My attitude in terms of playing the villain was, “There are 7,000 Peter Pans in music and no Captain Hook, so I’ll be Captain Hook.” …MARY WHITEHOUSE WAS A HUGE PART OF OUR SUCCESS STORY. When she and the MP Leo Abse tried to get us banned they generated so much publicity for the band and got the public on our side.

I sent her roses and him cigars to say thank you.

GLOBE P HOTOS/M EDIAP UNCH/S HUTTERSTOCK

With John Lennon, 1974

READER’S DIGEST

…MY DRINKING CLUB in the 1970s included Harry Nilsson, Keith Moon, all the usual suspects and we drank every night, all night, because when you’re in your twenties you’re indestructible. But when Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix—all of whom were drinking buddies—passed away, all at age 27, that scared me. Then one day I got up in the morning and threw up blood. The doctor warned me I was heading for the same fate and I got sober—and I have been for 37 years now. I’m healthier now at 71 than I was when I was in my twenties.

…GOING SOLO IN 1975 WAS A MUST-DO. The original band ran out of steam and ideas. I wanted to do Welcome To My Nightmare as our most aggressive album to date but everyone else was so tired and there was so much disagreement that it was time to move on. There was no bad blood, though, it was just clearly time for a change.

…WHEN I MADE THE MOVIE SEXTETTE with Mae West she tried to get me to go to her trailer and I turned her down, saying, “You’re 86 years old and I’m not even sure you’re a woman.”

She said, “Oh, I’m all woman”, but I still didn’t go. …I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF when I was rehearsing a stunt with the gallows and the safety wire broke.

Self-preservation kicked in and I managed to throw my head back out of the noose before falling to the floor and briefly passing out. After that I decided I needed three safety wires, not one. …I FINALLY GOT TO WORK WITH PAUL MCARTNEY on the Hollywood Vampires album I made with Johnny JUNE 2019 • 35

I REMEMBER…

(Opposite) With his Hollywood Vampires bandmates, Joe Perry and Johnny Depp

Depp and Joe Perry in 2015. I’d always thought of him as being the best songwriter and the nicest, sweetest guy, and when he guested on the album it turned out to be true. I’ve always found that the bigger an artist is the nicer they are. I got along very well with Sinatra and Elvis and The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. It was always the guys on the way up who were the jerks with ego problems, but I’m too professional to name names. …GETTING TO HANG OUT WITH GROUCHO MARX is high on my “How great was that?” list. We duetted together at one of Frank Sinatra’s birthday parties, after which we became friends. And early in my career Salvador Dali did a plastercast of my brain. [Laughs] That will never happen again… …BECOMING A DAD for the first 36 • JUNE 2019

time was the greatest thing. I always wanted to be a dad so when my daughter Calico was born in 1981 I was over the moon. I’ve got three kids now, all of whom are married and all of whom are in showbusiness, as well as three grandchildren. We’re a very happy bunch. …GETTING INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL HALL OF FAME in 2010 was great but I’d never been one to go, “Hey, what about us?” over the years. I just figured it would

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/C U LT U RE /C E L E B RI T I E S

READER’S DIGEST

happen when it happened. My fans were the militant ones, insisting the band were inducted. Then it finally happened and it was very humbling.

I never expected to be as successful as I have been but then I don’t have a big ego. I pretend to be egotistical on stage but I’m really not, and I honestly can’t believe that I’ve been

able to have this amazing career for 55 years now—and I still get to do it. n As told to Simon Button Tickets are on sale now for Alice Cooper’s Ol’ Black Eyes Is Back 2019 UK tour, which runs October 4–12. The new Hollywood Vampires album Rise is out on June 21.

Visit alicecooper.com for more information

SPACE CATS Félicette was the first cat in space. She was chosen for the launch since all the other selected cats were overweight on launch day. She survived the launch and was sadly killed two months later so that scientists could examine her brain.

Source: cnes-observatoire.net. Image via Wiki Commons

JUNE 2019 • 37

HEALTH

38

HEALTHY

GUT, HEALTHY

MIND

Do you ever think of your gut as your “second brain”? Recent studies prove that the two are more closely interconnected than you think

by Lizzie Enfield

JUNE 2019 • 39

H E A LT H Y G U T, H E A LT H Y M I N D

Supermarket shelves laden with probiotics, magazines filled with digestive health articles, gastroenterologists giving TED talks and a book called Gut becoming an unlikely international bestseller…

It’s impossible not to have noticed the rise of what was once a fairly neglected organ.

Where Freud invented the “self” in the late 1800s, spawning a century of psychoanalysis, the 21st century looks set to be one of the gut.

Forget the subconscious. It’s all about what goes on in our intestines and how this impacts the mind, or to use the scientific term—the gut/brain axis. Because the two are interlinked more closely than we might have imagined. The gut contains as many neurons (or brain cells) as a cat has in its head. And think how wily cats are. These gut brain cells are linked directly to the brain via the vagus nerve.

But now scientists have established that it works both ways, that the stomach is responsible for a lot of what goes on in the brain and may even be the organ that’s in the driving seat: the stomach knots and the mind gets anxious, not the other way around.

“We’re beginning to realise that there’s a lifelong symbiotic relationship between gut bacteria and the brain,” says Professor John Cryan—a neuroscientist at the University of Cork. “There are more bacteria in our gut than cells in our body and these are like little factories taking food and converting it into a

So the stomach has a knowingness of its own, which seems extraordinary until you pause to think about our language: gut feelings, gutsy, gutted, gut instincts, gut wrenching and butterflies in our tummy. All these colloquial phrases imply a link between our stomach and our emotions and yet, especially in the century of psychoanalysis, we tend to think of the brain being the puppeteer and the stomach simply reacting to its instructions—the mind gets anxious and the stomach knots…

40 • JUNE 2019

Michael Mosley

READER’S DIGEST

“WE’RE REALISING THAT THERE’S A LIFELONG RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GUT BACTERIA AND THE BRAIN” wide range of hormones, chemicals and neurotransmitters which can directly affect our mood, behaviour and general health.”

The bacteria that live in our gut are collectively called the microbiome, a deep dark internal forest of more than 50 trillion organisms of at least a thousand different species—a richer diversity than you would find in a rainforest!

“Strictly speaking, the gut is not actually part of the human body at all since it’s composed largely of

the microbes that live there,” says TV Dr. Michael Mosley, pioneer of the 5:2 diet whose latest book The Clever Guts Diet takes us on a journey through the digestive tract (literally, since Moseley swallowed a small camera to get a good look at his own). “Advances in technology means we can now see this army of microbes which regulate our entire immune system. And understanding how they work should open up whole new avenues of treatment for allergies, autoimmune diseases JUNE 2019 • 41

H E A LT H Y G U T, H E A LT H Y M I N D

“METCHNIKOFF’S IDEAS ABOUT GUT BACTERIA WERE LARGELY FORGOTTEN EXCEPT IN KOREA WHERE HIS FACE APPEARS ON YOGURT DRINKS” Élie Metchnikoff

as well as a range of psychiatric conditions. It’s an incredibly exciting new development.”

And yet, this “new” area of scientific exploration has its roots in the sixth century BC when Hippocrates, the father of medicine, suggested, “all disease begins in the gut.” He had no proof, but his gut instinct is proving almost correct. Not all diseases stem from the gut but many of them seem to.

Fast forward to the beginning of the 20th century when Russian immunologist Élie Metchnikoff, advanced the “crazy” idea that people in parts of rural Bulgaria lived longer because they ate a lot 42 • JUNE 2019

of fermented foods containing lactic acid bacteria, the so called “good bacteria” that’s always talked about in yogurt adverts.

Metchnikoff won the Nobel prize in 1908 for his work in immunology but his ideas about gut bacteria were largely forgotten about, except in Korea where his face appears on yogurt drinks. But some of the work done by John Cryan and his team in Cork now supports his hypotheses.

“Our studies showed that in a group of elderly people health outcomes and frailty in particular correlated with the diversity of their microbiome, suggesting that the secret to healthy ageing may indeed lie in the gut.”

READER’S DIGEST

Where once no Woody Allen film was without reference to a shrink, these days American sitcoms are more likely to nod to food intolerances and digestive disorders.

And, given the gut may hold the key to the preventing a whole host of diseases and even help promote longevity, it’s hardly surprising that the new docs on the block are gut doctors.

“I think this interest in the gut has been forced upon us by the exponential rise of digestive disorders, as well as autoimmune diseases and chronic conditions linked to gut health that have become omnipresent in our society.”

Eve Kalinik is a nutritional therapist

and author of Be Good To Your Gut. She also runs the Guardian masterclass: Happy Gut, Happy Mind. Her own interest in gut health stemmed from a damaged immune system caused by a recurrent kidney infection and an associated overuse of antibiotics. She looked to her Polish father, whose diet included a range of fermented vegetables and the almost ubiquitous Eastern European sauerkraut. She then began to devise recopies designed specifically to improve gut and—in the process—overall health.

“The gut influences so much more than digestion, including managing immune system functions, producing anti-inflammatory substances and it JUNE 2019 • 43

H E A LT H Y G U T, H E A LT H Y M I N D

plays a significant role in cognitive health too. The gut-brain connection is one that’s extremely powerful and the gut is the ONLY organ in the body that can function irrespective of the brain.”

So it’s important to look after it.

You are what you eat, goes the old adage and a diet rich in fruit and veg with some fermented foods is widely believed to be the best way of increasing the diversity of gut flora.

The trouble is that in the second half of the 20th century we started eating heavily processed junk food, taking antibiotics, and killing off vast swathes of our microbiomes in the process.

44 • JUNE 2019

“Our guts,” says Michael Mosley are “almost as depleted as the Amazon rainforest and this has led to a rise in a range of conditions ranging from allergies and autism to diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis.”

The market has been quick to jump on the mircobacterial bandwagon—producing a range of probiotics whose effects are largely unproven. Scientists have only been able to culture about five per cent of gut flora and are still trying to sequence the rest.

“It’s still early days,” says John Cryan from Cork University. “But we have begun to appreciate the power of microbes and are working towards harnessing them to improve

READER’S DIGEST

“OUR GUTS ARE ALMOST AS DEPLETED AS THE AMAZON RAINFOREST AND THIS HAS LED TO A RISE IN A RANGE OF CONDITIONS Sigmund Freud

health and tackle diseases. More studies are needed on probiotic strains, prebiotics and even faecal microbiota transplants.”

The latter, in layman’s terms is a poo transplant which, disgusting as it sounds is already used for treating the effects of C difficile a bacteria that can infect the bowel, causing diarrhea and typically affecting people who have recently

been treated with antibiotics. One wonders what Freud would have made of all this. He told us the proximity of the anus to the genitals, was the source of much if not all human neurosis and yet, ironically, it could be the “crapsule” that turns out to be the cure for many of them!

The secret to happiness may not be buried in your subconscious at all, but deep inside your gut. n

FLAG MATTERS Did you know that the Union Jack is not symmetrical so that St Andrew’s (Scotland) and St Patrick’s (Ireland) crosses have the same weight in the design? This determines a precise way to fly the flag, and flying it upside down can be used as a sign of distress or emergency.

SOURCE: STAYINBRITAIN.CO.UK

JUNE 2019 • 45

PARTNERSHIP

PROMOTION

CATAR AC TS : Responsible for 51% of the world’s blindness Did you know that over 500,000 people in the UK are living with a visually impairing cataract? Not only this, but a staggering 30% of UK citizens aged 65 and over are affected!

June is cataracts awareness month. This guide will tell you everything you need to know about the ins and outs of the condition.

WHAT IS A CATARACT?

A cataract is a visually impairing condition in which the lens becomes ‘cloudy’ and is often described as looking through frosted glass- sound familiar?

This clouding develops gradually and can occur in one or both eyes.

Over time a cataract can result in complete loss of vision.

It’s important to attend regular eye examinations to detect a cataract early on.

CAUSES

Age is one of the main culprits for the development of a cataract and is in fact a natural part of the eye’s ageing process; everyone will develop a degree of the condition at some point.

There are however, several factors that contribute to the development of a cataract.

So, what is actually happening inside the eye? A cataract develops from the build-up of protein that ‘clumps together’, reducing the amount of light that reaches the retina. The light that does break through is scattered, so it can no longer focus correctly.

When a cataract is in the initial stages, it is small and the cloudiness only affects a small part of the lens. As the cataract progresses, this cloudiness will start to take up more and more of the lens.

Here are some of the main causes of cataracts: • Over exposure to ultraviolet light • Diabetes • Smoking • Prolonged use of corticosteroid medications • Previous eye injury or inflammation • High myopia (short-sightedness) • Family history

Symptoms of cataracts include: • Cloudy or blurry vision • Decreased colour distinction • Difficulty with vision at night • Sensitivity to light and glare • Seeing “halos” around lights • Frequent changes in prescription • Double vision TREATMENT

In the early stages of cataracts, many people manage the symptoms with glasses or contact lenses. However as the condition progresses, Lens Replacement Surgery is required to remove the cataract.

Lens Replacement Surgery is a simple procedure in which the natural lens is removed with the use of ultrasound and replaced with an artificial one.

Remarkably it is the most commonly performed procedure in the world, with an estimated 20 million surgeries per year!

Experienced surgeons such as, Ultralase Eye Clinics Ltd Medical Director, Dr. Ilango can complete the procedure in less than ten minutes per eye.

The procedure can correct longsightedness, short-sightedness, presbyopia, astigmatism and cataracts with the use of a multifocal lens; restoring visual clarity at all distances. ■ ASK THE SURGEON

SYMPTOMS

A cataract develops slowly and can become uncomfortable in its advanced stages. Medical advice must be sought after once a cataract begins to form. Once this happens, the condition will not go away on its own, but worsen over time.

Refractive Surgeon Dr. Ilango is on hand to answer your eye health questions.

Email jacci.robinson@ultralase.com by July 2nd to have them answered in our August issue!

www.ultralase.com 0800 988 6385

HEALTH

10

Tips For Your Grocery List Eating healthily starts with the way you do your food shopping

1. Buy fresh. This has to be rule number one! There’s no simpler or more obvious measure of the health levels in our food than when it’s fresh from the field or the farm.

If more than half your shopping basket comprises of pre-prepared foods, add more fresh fruit, veg, seafood and dairy products, preferably low-fat versions. One exception to the rule is canned tomatoes—they contain more of the antioxidant lycopene than the fresh variety.

2. Buy frozen. Frozen fruit and veg are often flash frozen at source, so actually contain more nutrients than fresh produce that’s been hanging around a few days. Frozen veg can Susannah Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature 48 • JUNE 2019

be added to stews and soups, or be used in salads, while frozen fruits are delicious in smoothies or as yogurt toppings.

3. Steer clear of the danger areas.

In other words, avoid the aisles displaying crisps, ice cream, biscuits, sweets and cakes. Mentally divide the supermarket into different stores—greengrocer, butcher, fishmonger, baker and so on—and restrict yourself to these safe zones.

4. Shop with a list. Organise your shopping list based on these safe zones. You’ll resist more easily the temptations of the junk food aisles.

Online shopping enables you to do the same, as does shopping on a full stomach.

5. Buy in season. Fruit and veg are best when bought in season, when they will have travelled a shorter distance and are cheaper and tastier.

June is a fantastic month—make the

most of broad beans, strawberries, cherries, asparagus, Jersey royal potatoes, spring onions and more.

6. Spend time in the condiment aisle. Choose the following basic ingredients for the foundations of a range of tasty sauces, low-fat marinades and low-salt flavourings: ketchups, relishes, chutneys and barbecue sauces (go for sugar-free options), horseradish, mustards, flavoured vinegars, olive oil, pesto sauces, Worcestershire sauce, chilli sauce, soy sauce, teriyaki sauce. Give mayonnaise and creamy salad dressing a wide berth.

7. Select foods with few ingredients. The longer the list, the more unhealthy the food. Avoid prepared foods containing sugar, butter and excessive salt, too.

8. Try wholegrain alternatives.

There are delicious wholegrain pastas and couscous on the shelves,

along with instant brown rice that cooks in ten minutes. Buy wholemeal bread and pick up some wholemeal flour to replace the white stuff in your cupboard. Research has found that people who eat three or more servings of wholegrains a day are less likely to develop diabetes.

9. Swap beef mince for turkey mince. Turkey or chicken mince work just as well in chillies or meatballs. What’s more, this substitution can cut nearly a third of the calories and at least half of the fat and saturated fat in a 85g serving.

10. Choose plain foods. Flavour plain low-fat yogurt yourself with fruit, rather than choosing the preflavoured, sugar-laden version.

Equally, buy plain, unsweetened cereals and add healthy toppings, such as fresh or dried berries, pumpkin seeds or bananas.

That way, you bypass the empty sugar calories. n JUNE 2019 • 49

H E A LT H

Putting A Spin On It Ever felt as if the room is going round? That feeling of spinning is called vertigo and there are different causes If you’re feeling dizzy but have no other symptoms, you might have an ear problem. Balance is controlled in your ears—the vestibular system sends messages to the brain about the head’s movements.

Intense vertigo for a few seconds when you move your head in a particular direction, such as when you roll over in bed or look up, could indicate BPPV. Never heard of it? It’s short for “benign paroxysmal positional vertigo” and is actually the most common inner ear problem. It occurs when calcium carbonate crystals in the inner ear are dislodged and move through the ear canal. An exercise known as the Epley Manoeuvre is usually successful in moving the crystals back into their normal place.

A different inner ear disorder, Meniere’s disease, causes bouts of 50 • JUNE 2019

spinning that can last for hours. You might also have ringing in your ears and hearing loss. It’s likely you’ll be prescribed steroids to treat it.

Infections, such as labyrinthitis, and growths can also cause vertigo.

Poor sleep can lead to dizziness too, as can drug interactions. Check the leaflet that comes with your meds to see if vertigo is a side effect. If so, talk to your doctor about changing or reducing your prescriptions.

Feeling dizzy can also be a symptom of migraine. In this case, you will almost certainly have other symptoms, such as headache, nausea and maybe even vomiting.

If you get spinning with other symptoms, such as visual changes, difficulty speaking or swallowing, weakness or numbness, then you might have had a stroke. This is a medical emergency and you need to get to a hospital and be treated as soon as possible. n

READER’S DIGEST

Ask The Expert: Men’s Health Dr Jeff Foster

Dr Jeff Foster is an NHS and private GP based in the West Midlands, specialising in men’s health and testosterone deficiency How did you come to specialise in men’s health? I qualified as a GP in 2012 but it was when talking to a private GP who specialised in women’s health that I discovered few doctors focus on men’s health. This gave me the impetus.

What health problems should men be alert to as they get older? From 40 onwards, men should be aware of dwindling testosterone, as this increases heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity. In your fifties, colorectal cancer risk increases, and you’re looking at emotional issues after 20 years of relationships as well as sexual health if you’ve been sexually active. In your fifties and sixties, think about arthritis and osteoporosis. After 60, think about memory and dementia.

What checks should men have?

The NHS health screen from age 40 aims to pick up high blood pressure,

cholesterol and Type 2 diabetes. You should also have your testosterone checked. Iron screening in men checks for anaemia which can be a related to colorectal cancers.

Vitamin D testing is also useful.

What symptoms should men always see a doctor about? The classic one is erectile dysfunction. In most cases the cause is cardiovascular. Look at your pee—if you can’t start, have dribbling afterwards, there’s blood or you get up a lot during the night, have your prostate checked.

How can they stay healthy? Don’t smoke and don’t drink much alcohol. Eat red meat once a week, watch your total calorie intake and do 20-30 minutes of exercise three to four times a week. Get six to seven hours’ sleep. These measures help boost testosterone naturally. n Visit drjefffoster.co.uk for more information and contact details JUNE 2019 • 51

HEALTH

Forbidden Fruit Max Pemberton reminisces about his naughty shenanigans at school and realises that things are not that different these days after all…

T

here is something rather nice about being naughty, once in a while. In fact, often when things are banned or prohibited, they become all the more appealing. To my ever-lasting shame the evidence of this came one spring morning when I was 16.

A few of my friends and I had sneaked off during lunchtime to the Prefect’s Walk, which was where anyone who wanted to do anything less than perfect went to do it.

This was a path that went around the parameter of the school grounds and was conveniently shaded from the gawping year eights by lush undergrowth.

Unfortunately, as my friends and I discovered shortly after lighting up our cigarettes, it was also where the Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full time in mental health for the NHS. His latest book is a self-help guide to using CBT to stop smoking 52 • JUNE 2019

PE teachers went for a jog. As we stood there proudly puffing away, to our utter horror we suddenly saw a hoard of them approaching us (I wonder what the collective noun for PE teachers would be? I was trying to think of something funny but decided there’s nothing funny about PE teachers, either collectively or singularly). Pure, gut-wrenching panic. Needless to say, we were all caught smoking, and duly dragged along to the deputy head’s office where, one by one, our parents were telephoned and informed that we had been suspended for a week. My mother was mortified, and every one of my achievements since has been marred by her utter humiliation at having to come and collect me from school that afternoon. “I hope you’ve learnt your lesson” was all she said to break the deathly silence in the car home. But of course, this experience didn’t stop me smoking, and only made it all the more exciting. All of a sudden it wasn’t just my health I was jeopardising, but my mother’s good name.

I LLUSTRATI ON BY FRANCES M URP HY

I continued smoking for quite a few years after this and it was the fact that it was naughty which made it so much fun.

The same has happened in hospitals. For years now all NHS grounds have been non-smoking.

As a result, up and down the country people huddle outside the hospital gates, puffing away. Patients in wheelchairs, on drips and in various states of undress mixed with surgeons, receptionists and nurses.

But in the hospital where I’m based the number of people standing outside the gates has gradually begun to dwindle. I assumed that I was witnessing the fall in smokers because of effective public health campaigns. But then last week, while looking for the pathology laboratory,

I took a wrong turn and found myself behind some bins. I heard hushed whispers and rustling noises. Peering round the wall, I was faced with about a dozen flustered, red-faced people. “So this is where everyone is now” I joked as I saw the butt-ends strewn on the floor.

“Why’s no one going out the front any more?” I asked.

“It’s easier to come here” replied one of the haematologists, who I was pleased to be able to give the blood sample that I was carrying to. “And it’s so much more fun; the risk of getting caught and all that,” he added. From all over the hospital people now flock to furtively duck behind the wall of the bins, eager for the thrill of being just a little bit naughty. It’s like being back at school. n JUNE 2019 • 53

HEALTH

The Doctor Is In Q: I have ME and I’ve heard a lot about the benefits of CBD oil recently. I’m wondering if it’s worth a go to relieve some of my symptoms. Is there any truth behind the headlines that say it’s a universal cure-all, and is it worth a try? Gillian, 48 A: Thanks for your question. There’s been a lot in the news recently about CBD oil—or cannabis oil as it’s sometimes referred to. CBD stands for cannabidiol. It’s one of the active ingredients in cannabis but does not produce a “high.” Proponents of CBD have claimed that it can be used in a wide number of conditions from epilepsy and chronic pain to sleep problems and anxiety. It’s benefits have been touted as a bit of a cure-all and I’m naturally sceptical when anything is presented as being a panacea. There’s certainly a lot of anecdotal evidence that people with a number of conditions have found CBD oil helpful, and there’s some evidence 54 • JUNE 2019

that it can help in specific conditions, such as some rare disorders in children that cause multiple epileptic seizures. There’s no clear evidence that CBD is of any benefit in people suffering with ME and, as far as I’m aware, there haven’t been any scientific trials to investigate the claim yet. Having said that, as treatment for ME is limited and even those treatments there are, such as psychotherapy and graded exercise, arn’t always helpful, I’m inclined to think that there’s no harm in trying CBD oil. You should, however, discuss it with your doctor first. Just because it comes from a plant doesn’t mean it’s completely safe.

Side effects include nausea, fatigue and irritability. It also interacts with some medications and can raise the concentration of these in the same way grapefruit does with tablets like statins. n Got a health question for our resident doctor? Email it confidentially to askdrmax@ readersdigest.co.uk

I LLUSTRATI ON BY JAVI ER MUÑOZ

Dr Max Pemberton

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HEALTH

Make Remembering As Easy As A, B, C The alphabet can help you activate your recall, says our memory expert, Jonathan Hancock

DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOU? You’re trying to remember someone’s name, and you know it begins with J. So you try out some different “J” names until the right one appears. Is it Joe? No. Josh? Jim? Jack? Yes—Jack.

This is a common thinking trick, and there are good reasons why it works: • The alphabet sequence provides you with a strategy for your search.

• Each letter offers something you might recognise, which is easier than remembering from scratch.

• And when you do feel a flash of familiarity, there are several threads to follow: the sound of the word; how it looks in your mind’s eye; plus connections with other words filed under the same letter in your brain.

The alphabet is also a useful tool for absorbing new information—as demonstrated by a clever technique for learning lists.

You simply choose an image for each letter of the alphabet in turn, then link it imaginatively with one of the items on your list. To learn your to-do list, for example, you could choose ANTS for A, and picture millions of ants crawling over the cheese you need to buy from the 56 • JUNE 2019

market. B could be a BALLOON, tied to the exhaust of your car—because you have to get that fixed today.

Or you could learn the 12 signs of the zodiac by linking each one to an alphabetic image. In that list: A might be an APPLE, being munched by Aries the hungry ram.

B could be a beautiful BOWL— smashed by Taurus the bull (in the china shop!).

For C, how about the COT in which Gemini, the twins, are sleeping?

Maybe D is your DINNER—a freshlycaught crab, Cancer. And why not choose EGGS for E, cooked by Leo the lion, to save him from going hunting again!

Try it yourself. Invent your own vivid visual reminders for: F: Virgo (virgin); G: Libra (scales); H: Scorpio (scorpion); I: Sagittarius (archer); J: Capricorn (goat); K: Aquarius (water-carrier); L: Pisces (fish) When you’re ready to test yourself, use the alphabet to help you recall all 12 signs in the right order. Boost your confidence to learn anything by following this powerful memory strategy—to the letter! n

BEST OF

British

FISHING Spots

Pack a picnic and some patience and enjoy a sunny day at one of Britain's best fishing spots

BY ANNA WALKER

INSPIRE

River Ness, Scotland

HEM IS / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

What you could catch: Atlantic salmon and rainbow trout

If fishing surrounded by greenery and wildlife is your idea of heaven, Scotland’s River Ness is the setting for you. Stretching for six miles across the Highlands, the River Ness flows from the northern end of Loch Ness all the way to tranquil waters of the Beauly Firth.

Keep your eyes out for the legendary Loch Ness Monster—first “spotted” in the river in 565 AD—as you cast for Atlantic salmon and pretty rainbow trout. Keeneyed fishermen and women might also spot common and grey seals frolicking in the waters, as well as herons, arctic terns and the occasional eagle owl.

For the most picturesque spot on the river, head for banks with a view of Inverness Castle—you might recognise its Redstone fortifications from the Scottish £50 note. trout-salmon-fishing.com/ scotland-river-ness.htm 59

BEST OF BRITISH

Lower Lough Erne, County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland What you could catch: Northern pike, European perch, brown trout, bream

Northern Ireland is known for the striking beauty of its natural surroundings—most recently enjoyed as a backdrop to the wildly successful TV show, Game of Thrones.

At Lower Lough Erne, you can enjoy the unspoiled natural beauty for yourself in a rather less dramatic fashion, while waiting on catches of European perch, brown trout, salmon and bream. There are over 150 bays

60 • JUNE 2019

and islands scattered around these lake lands, which cover 300 square miles and offer views of the spectacular Crom Estate, littered with romantic ruins and tranquil woodland.

Use of ground bait and maggots for your rods are illegal here, so be sure to check out the full guidelines via the link below before making your trip. nidirect.gov.uk/articles/angling-lowerlough-erne

River Wandle, London What you could catch: Common barbel, chub, brown trout

This fast flowing, formerly-industrial river has powered watermills since Roman times and though there were upwards of 90 mills here during the Victorian era, it has now fallen quiet, becoming the perfect spot for a leisurely day of fishing. The chalk stream begins in Croydon and flows into the Thames at Wandsworth, stretching across nearly nine miles in total. Dry fly fishing was first developed in order to catch trout from these waters, and according to the Wandle Trust, Lord Nelson once taught himself to fish here, casting out with his remaining good arm.

Says the fittingly-named Wandle Trust chairman Theo Pike, "Thanks to years of hard work by local volunteers and the South East Rivers Trust, wild trout are breeding here again, together with chub, dace, roach and barbel." wandletrust.org

61

River Lea, Hertfordshire What you could catch: Perch, pike, roach

Forming the traditional boundary between Middlesex and Essex, as well as part of the boundary between Essex and Hertfordshire, the story of the River Lea is the story of Britain.

First settled by Romans, it’s been through myriad changes, surviving and thriving through countless battles, the industrial revolution and both World Wars, during which it acted as the primary method of safe ammunition transportation from the 62 • JUNE 2019

Waltham Abbey Royal Gunpowder Mills. It even once served as the camp for Buffalo Bill, when his Wild West Spectacular first came to London in the summer of 1887.

Today, at 58 miles long, it’s a hot spot for keen anglers, with its peaceful waters and miles of fishable depths. It’s especially idyllic on a sunny day—pack a picnic and relax in the sunshine as you wait on a bite. visitleevalley.org.uk/go/fisheries

READER’S DIGEST

River Tyne, Northumberland What you could catch: Salmon, chub, roach

PETER ATKIN SON / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

If it’s salmon you fish, the River Tyne is the spot for you—prolific numbers of salmon course through the peatstained waters every month of the year, peaking in July and August. The fish hatchery on the North Tyne releases 700,000 young salmon into the waters annually, resulting in more salmon caught here than in any other rivers in Britain. The average catch weighs in at 14lb, though 30lb catches aren't uncommon.

If salmon aren’t your sport, coarse

fishing on the river is abundant, with sizeable chub, roach and gudgeon calling the Tyne home. In the tidal estuaries, you can expect catches of mackerel, cod and flounder. Natural bait here includes crab, muscle, harbor and rag worm.

An abundance of nearby hotels make it possible to turn your fishing trip into a weekender—don’t forget to seek out one of many delightful local pubs for a post-catch pint. tyneriversgtrust.org

BEST OF BRITISH

River Mole, Surrey What you could catch: Pike, perch, chub

are frequently caught in the Old Bury Hill Lake.

Some stretches of the Mole have been designated as Local Nature Reserves in order to preserve its wonderful biodiversity, so be careful where you choose to set up, and as always, be mindful to obtain the relevant fishing permits before casting. allaboutangling.net/?page_id=1243

PAUL C ARSTA IRS / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

Rising in West Sussex to flow through Surrey and into the Thames opposite the iconic Hampton Court Palace, the River Mole has the greatest diversity of fish species of any river in England—making it perfect for those who enjoy a varied days’ catch.

Though its Gatwick stream is dominated by brown trout and eels, the upper river enjoys spawns of chub, dace and roach, while zander

66 • JUNE 2019 76 64

READER’S DIGEST

Fishbrain's tips for responsible fishing (visit fishbrain.com for more) If you’re fishing in public waters, remember to obtain the appropriate license or day ticket.

A guide to choosing the correct fishing license can be found at: gov.uk/ government/collections/ local-fishing-byelaws

Llyn y Gors, Anglesey, Wales What you could catch: Common carp, mirror carp, bream, chub

Fishermen casting their lines at Llyn y Gors in Wales can enjoy views of Snowdonia as they sit in anticipation of a bite. This 25-acre fishery is only a mile away from the beauty of Beaumaris Castle and the major on-site tackle shop will cater to your every fishing need.

Says owner Mark Morris, “Llyn-y-Gors Coarse Fishery is situated just above the stunning Menai Straights, in 20-plus acres with wild life and views of the Snowdonia mountain range. We have three coarse lakes and two specimen lakes with Wels catfish to 50lb and carp to mid-twenties. We also have three self-catering cottages available.” llynygors.co.uk

This feature was put together with help from the Fishbrain app, (fishbrain.com). Where's your favourite fishing spot?

Email readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk and let us know

Don’t forget that you’re a guest in the fish’s home.

Practise catch and release methods with the least amount of harm possible and be sure to fish in the shade on warm days to give the fish a better chance of quick recovery.

We’d also recommend that you try to use a sustainable bait made up of organic products whenever possible, which won’t pollute the water. e sure to pick up any B rubbish before you leave your fishing spot. If you are feeling especially charitable, make a point of picking up any leftover trash that may have polluted the area before you arrived.

Visit readersdigest.co.uk/ fishing-tips for your detailed guide to responsible fishing

JUNE 2019 • 65

INSPIRE

Musician Moby is best known as a leading light in the dance music scene of the 1990s and early 2000s, with his albums Play and 18 selling millions worldwide. Moby, 53, has now followed up his critically acclaimed memoir Porcelain with a second volume, Then It Fell Apart

IF I RULED THE WORLD

Moby

We would switch to sustainable energy. Future generations will ask why we dug miles into the earth to bring out toxic black sludge in the form of oil and coal when we had an abundance of sustainable forms of energy such as solar, wind and hydro, which are free. I drive an electric car and am in the process of installing batteries and solar panels so that I can be off the grid. We have compromised the health of the planet so that the shareholders of energy companies can buy themselves private jets.

66 • JUNE 2019

We’d plant trillions of trees. There are many ways to fight climate change but planting trillions of trees is the most effective way of storing carbon. I had a swimming pool in my back yard, which I used ten days of the year. I tore it out and replaced it with trees, though I don’t think 20 trees are going to make a huge difference. We need a few trillion.

We would stop using animals for food. I’m a vegan because I love animals. But, apart from that, animal agriculture is destroying us. Ninety

READER’S DIGEST

per cent of rainforest deforestation is for animal agriculture. It causes cancer, heart disease, diabetes and antibiotic resistance. Billions of animals are kept on factory farms in the worst possible conditions, where they’re fed obscene amounts of antibiotics. These farms are breeding grounds for superbugs and, at some point, we won’t be able to produce stronger antibiotics.

engaging with. The way to get rid of that is to allow posts only from verified users. I’ve managed to annoy people regarding music, politics, animals, just about everything. They give themselves absurd names that might be a robot, a troll or a real person in a basement in Oklahoma. I don’t want to hand my wellbeing over to people who might not actually exist.

Athletes would not be paid more than teachers. We’re nothing without education, but there are professional athletes who in one year are paid as much as the combined salary of thousands of teachers. At the same time, you have teachers sleeping in their cars and holding down three jobs because they’re paid so little. It’s infuriating.

We’d have a healthy relationship with technology. I know how seductive it is to pick up your phone and spend hours re-checking Instagram. But we’re becoming a nation of hunchbacks. It’s easier to get people to pay attention to a tree if it’s a picture on social media than an actual tree. That seems pretty unhealthy. There’s a lot to be said for actually reading a book or exercising or engaging with friends and family. I go hiking all the time and I intentionally turn off my phone.

Election day would be a holiday and voting would be mandatory. In the last US presidential election, 40 per cent of the electorate didn’t vote.

People have jobs and can’t get to the polls. But, if you make voting compulsory, and also make it a holiday, you can approach 100 per cent-involvement. A lot of pernicious political agendas are only advanced because they know that most people won’t vote.

There would be no anonymous social-media posting. With trolls and bots, you never know who you’re

Restaurants wouldn’t be loud.

No music or background noise in a restaurant should be louder than the people who are talking. I own a vegan restaurant in LA and that’s part of our ethos. I don’t know who enjoys going out for a meal and having to yell to have a conversation. n As told to Caroline Rees Moby’s memoir, Then It Fell Apart (Faber, £14.99), is out now JUNE 2019 • 67

INSPIRE

E FOTOSTOCK / ALAM Y STOCK P HOTO

China, a country of 1.3 billion increasingly sophisticated palates, has a lot to prove when it comes to luxury food

GOURMET

CHINA

By Crystal Reid

Close-up of sturgeon eggs in a caviar processing plant 69

GOURMET CHINA

In a scene eerily akin to Hollywood depictions of alien experiments, a man—dressed completely in white, from his facehugging hood to his surgical mask, gloves and rubber boots—runs a razor-sharp knife lengthways down the belly of a scaly upturned beast. Another worker, dressed exactly the same, swiftly harvests a mass of eggs from inside, leaving the creature’s empty carcass to disappear down a conveyor belt. What we've just witnessed isn't shady government interference with a higher life form, but the harvesting of caviar in China.

The black eggs taken from the innards of this seven-foot-long beluga sturgeon—a critically endangered fish native to the waters around Iran and Russia—are collected, salted and tinned in just 15 minutes at the Kaluga Queen fish farm in China’s eastern Zhejiang province. The 2003-founded Chinese company breeds thousands of sturgeons in floating pens on the province’s manmade Qiandao Lake and is the largest producer of caviar in the world, churning out 80 tons of the pricey pearls last year alone.

Kaluga Queen has made a name for itself, feeding world leaders at the 2016 G20 Summit in Hangzhou, supplying 21 of the 26 threeMichelin-starred restaurants in Paris and finding its way into the first class cabins of German airline Lufthansa.

Alongside caviar, a new generation of high-end Chinese producers is also serving up foie gras, oysters and even pork fed on rose petals to domestic foodies with a taste for 70 • JUNE 2019

the finer things in life. Conversely, with several high-profile scandals attached to Chinese-made food, the gourmet brands of the the world’s second biggest economy must work harder than most to secure their place on the planet’s most luxurious tables.

There's good reason for such hesitations. China’s most famous food scandal was picked up by the world’s media in 2008 when six Rachel Gouk

Oysters

"CONSUMERS HAVE HESITATIONS ABOUT LUXURY FOOD ASSOCIATED WITH FOREIGN COUNTRIES SUCH AS CAVIAR AND FOIE GRAS COMING FROM CHINA" babies died from kidney failure and 54,000 were hospitalised after drinking milk formula laced with melamine, a toxic chemical used in the making of plastics and fertiliser.

Two people involved in the scandal were executed in China as a result, and the governments of 11 countries, including the UK, stopped importing Chinese milk products. Other stomach-churning transgressions include soy sauce made from human hair, tofu mixed with sewage slop, and duck meat masquerading as lamb after being soaked in sheep urine.

Rachel Gouk, a Malaysian writer and photographer who's been working in China’s food and beverage industry since 2011, says

foodies across the globe are obsessed with where their produce comes from and are generally put off by a “Made in China” label. “Consumers have hesitations about luxury food associated with foreign countries, such as caviar and foie gras, coming from China. They trust that delicacies being made in their country of origin will have a higher standard of quality because that quality control has been set in place for years. China’s various food scandals haven't helped either,” she says.

But this isn’t just a case of the world shunning Chinese products.

More than a decade on from the milk scandal, Chinese parents are still so wary of domestic formula that quotas have been enforced in Hong Kong, JUNE 2019 • 71

Ari Jadwin GOURMET CHINA

Australia and even Britain to stop Chinese shoppers stripping shelves bare and leaving nothing for the local market. Many Chinese consumers see foreign goods as a status symbol and have the mindset that “just because it’s imported, it’s better,” says Gouk. Even she, a champion of cutting air miles by eating local produce, baulks at the idea of drinking Chinese milk.

Explaining how every tin of Kaluga Queen caviar comes with a QR code which, when scanned, reveals the entire production process and lifecycle of the fish it was harvested from, vice president Han Lei tells us how such fastidiousness is paramount to their success in the gourmet food industry despite their Chinese postcode. “Customers trust companies who put the emphasis on quality control, from farming, to processing and delivery to the table.

This is what we have always done," says Han. “But to be honest,

72

even today it still takes time to improve the international image of Chinese food.”

Soon after the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species classified 85 per cent of sturgeon species as endangered, the fishing of wild varieties was banned.

That, combined with US sanctions on Iranian exports, presented a

READER’S DIGEST

"MANY CHINESE CONSUMERS SEE FOREIGN GOODS AS A STATUS SYMBOL AND HAVE THE MINDSET THAT 'JUST BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTED, IT'S BETTER'

lucrative opportunity for caviar farms to flourish. Kaluga Queen produces six types of caviar, with the beluga variety, which goes for $2,100 for one small box, the most expensive in the world. As 15 per cent of a sturgeon’s body weight is made up of eggs by the time it reaches sexual maturity (after a decade), each fish is worth a fortune and must be kept under the

strictest of conditions. Such attention to detail has paid off, at least overseas. Kaluga Queen exports 95 per cent of its caviar. “In China, the caviar culture has only just started,” Han explains.

The Chinese are no strangers to gourmet food, however, gobbling up with gusto delicacies with eye-popping price tags that are practically unheard of in the West.

Examples include abalone, a meaty shellfish found in cold waters across the world; edible bird nests, made from the solidified saliva of Indian

Kaulga Queen Sturgeon farm

GOURMET CHINA

Steamed Abalone

"OUR FISH ARE KILLED AND DELIVERED IN AN AVERAGE OF 16 HOURS WHICH IS PART OF THE MIRACLE OF CHINESE LOGISTICS—YOU COULD NEVER DO THAT IN EUROPE" swiftlets; and caterpillar fungus, a larvae parasite plucked from the Tibetan mountains.

Crystal clear waters from these same lofty peaks tumble into the fish-filled pools of China’s southwest Sichuan province. Here, Ari Jadwin, the managing director of Aqua Select, works with local farmers to produce international-standard salmon and trout to leading hotels and restaurants across the country.

74 • JUNE 2019

After starting out by importing sustainably-sourced, non-GM fish feed from Denmark, Jadwin now collaborates with more than 100 small farms around the provincial capital of Chengdu, helping the previously poor peasants get their produce into Michelin-starred restaurants and high-end hotels.

But securing such contracts has not been easy, especially since Jadwin’s domestic salmon comes

READER’S DIGEST

at a higher price than its imported counterparts due to the stringent tests he must carry out to prove its quality. Jadwin pays for governmentsanctioned labs to certify that his product is free of hormones, heavy metals, parasites and antibiotics, and has worked doggedly to sell top chefs on the safety and freshness of his fish.

“The testing makes a big difference to hotels and restaurants. It’s the only shot we have of showing we’re markedly different from other Chinese suppliers,” says Jadwin. “All our fish are also killed and delivered in an average of 16 hours, which is just part of the miracle of Chinese logistics. You could never do that in Europe or even the UK. It takes at least two days for fish to get from Scotland to London.”

But while the Chicagoan, who plans to export his fish to Germany and Southeast Asia in the coming years, has found foreign chefs and

consumers receptive to his Sichuan salmon, Chinese gourmands have proved harder to convince. “Usually a foreign chef will be very open to the idea of domestically farmed fish as they know that freshness and quality are connected. But the Chinese chefs can’t get their heads around something quality coming from China,” he says. “My interest in exporting is less about getting into foreign markets and more about convincing the Chinese that the stuff they produce is actually good.”

Both he and Gouk agree that as China’s agricultural infrastructure increases and industry testing improves, it’s only a matter of time before the stigma attached to “Made in China” foodstuff bites the bullet, both domestically and abroad.

“China has space but not yet the right conditions to excel as fast as everyone else,” says Gouk. “But they’ll get there, and the world would be mad not to embrace it.” n COLD WAR RELICS Fearing invasion during the Cold War, Albania’s leader Enver Hoxha forced his country to build 750,000 bunkers.

Today, many of those bunkers have been converted for a variety of uses, including turning them into pizzerias, espresso bars and makeshift pubs JUNE 2019 • 75

INSPIRE

Grenfell The stories of three people directly affected by the devastating Grenfell Tower Fire,

T

wo years on from the Grenfell Tower Fire, which killed 72 people, and injured 70 more, the community is still fighting for justice. At the time of writing, nearly 100 households remain in temporary accommodation, and heightened levels of cancer-causing chemicals threaten the health of locals even further. These are the stories of the heroes, survivors and activists whose lives were indelibly marked by that fateful day

78 • JUNE 2019

I LLUSTRATION © ELLY WA LTON

which shook the world on June 14, 2017

VOICES OF GRENFELL

Helena Thompson is the founder and artistic director of SPID Theatre, who have been based on the Kensal House Estate close to Grenfell in North Kensington since 2005. The work of this small charity is now helping to give the traumatised community hope “I was out of the country when [the fire] happened. I watched the news on TV and received lots of messages on my phone. Seeing something of this scale on the screen moves you, in the same way that seeing a wellhoned drama moves you, except much more because this was real.

I felt the horror of it profoundly.

I also felt, knowing the area and the concerns of its residents as I do, that it was inevitable.

Kensal always has floods, Grenfell and Trellick towers always had fires.

It was just a matter of time before a major catastrophe hit one of them.

Social housing tenants call for better safety and maintenance but no one listens. You feel disempowered and less important than the many wealthy people who live in the borough.

We knew it was coming, but no one could have envisaged the sheer scale of it. Everyone was just numb with shock. I know what PTSD looks like—social housing tenants have hard lives—and there was a lot more 80 • JUNE 2019

of that after the fire. The atmosphere afterwards, however, was one of extreme dignity and love—the real sadness came later, when the shock had subsided. Survivors used our theatre building for all the things they would normally do: childrens’ after-school clubs, birthday parties and residents’ meetings.

WE WERE ALREADY WORKING on a production

in collaboration with The Bush Theatre about social housing as part of our Living History project, to give a voice to those who live on estates. When Grenfell happened we had to include it and, of course, it became the focus.

All the other elements, about what is important in social housing, including safety issues, remained.

We renamed the play The Burning Tower and staged it several times last year, attracting coverage from the BBC and a four-star review from The Guardian. It was good for everyone whose lives were touched by the fire, some of whom got involved with the

READER’S DIGEST

IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE A MAJOR CATASTROPHE HIT ONE OF THE TOWERS play. Many were surprised at how much hope it fostered. The Burning Tower is interactive and so it brought people from the audiences together, while the publicity helped those affected to see their issues being heard on broader platforms. Feeling heard was a really big deal. We’re licensing it out as part of its publication this year to get it staged in more venues.

My work here is hard. I can take a lot of strain, but I’m exhausted, emotionally and physically.

Everyone is. People are still suffering. The scheduled £2m refurb of our premises is keeping everyone going—the space currently serves as a reminder of how neglected tenants are, with its leaks and frightening electrical faults. We’re still fundraising for £300,000, with most of the money coming from the The Mayor’s Fund, Heritage Lottery Fund and Big Lottery Fund. We needed some good to come out of Grenfell, and this refurb will help residents to feel that they’re cared about. There will be a great community space for theatrical productions and plays, childrens’ clubs, yoga, drama workshops, heritage sessions with the V&A Museum and a host of other projects.

The remaining anger about the fire isn’t about the cladding or the fridge that caused it, it’s about how for years before, resident voices and fears were ignored. Nobody listened.

It’s quite moving how dignified the survivors are. Working with SPID has given us all a focus, something positive to do. Supporting each other is how we get by.”

As told to Lynne Wallis For more information or to donate to SPID’s refurbishment of Kensal House Estate Community Rooms, email office@spidtheatre.com JUNE 2019 • 81

VOICES OF GRENFELL

Edric Kennedy-MacFoy, 35, worked in the London Fire Brigade for nearly 13 years. When he was called out to the Grenfell Tower blaze, firefighters had been battling the flames for eight hours “When we arrived at the tower, the outside was still raging and the idea of setting foot in there scared me. I thought of the Twin Towers collapsing. But it was our job to go in. My team was to search from the 15th floor and go as far up [the tower] as conditions permitted, to report on the extent of the fire and log the locations of the victims.

We had to spend as little time as possible on each floor, performing a quick visual search. There were six flats to a floor. Each looked like a bomb had exploded and most had pockets of fire still burning.

As we ascended, the heat worsened and our radio signals became weaker. We lost radio communication on the 16th floor and found our first victim there. She was the first of many.

By the 21st floor, the heat was so intense that internal walls had collapsed within most of the flats.

Flames punching up the outside of the building were in clear view. On the top floor, the heat was becoming unbearable. Then someone pointed towards the lift and we went closer.

The sight of the victims we saw 82 • JUNE 2019

there shook me to my core.

I could feel my blood beginning to overheat. We’d fulfilled our brief and I decided that it was time to withdraw.

We ran down the stairs, reported back to the entry control officer and I handed the section commander my phone with the information I’d logged. I needed to be away from what I’d seen. At home, I stayed in the shower, scrubbing myself over and over, crying.

READER’S DIGEST

THE FOLLOWING NIGHT, I WAS

part of the team sent back to Grenfell to assist police DVI teams in recovering bodies. I didn’t want to go back. Our brief was to bring casualties down from the 13th floor.

In the lobby area, there was a lady lying on the floor. A few metres

was 21], set me up for my job as a firefighter. Watching her die in our front room, holding her close as she turned cold, putting her in a body bag and placing her in the funeral director’s van… When I started the job, I felt I was ready for anything.

MANY FIREFIGHTERS THRIVE ON DANGER, AND VALUE DOING SOMETHING MEANINGFUL, BUT WE’RE VULNERABLE TOO away was a boy of about ten. We located the woman’s work ID and bank cards and then we had to manoeuvre her into a body bag.

This was someone’s mother, someone’s sister. I wanted to get her out of those conditions as quickly and respectfully as possible.

We carried the lady down to the bottom of the tower and I felt grateful that my own mum had died of cancer, because at least she had time to say goodbye to her family and friends. She didn’t die terrified or in pain, as the Grenfell victims did.

Growing up in north west London, I wanted to be a pilot and then a lawyer. After that I decided I just wanted to help people, but I didn’t know what I wanted to be.

In a way, my mother’s death [when I

AFTER THE FIRE, EVERY TIME I

closed my eyes, I saw the bodies in the tower. I even began to develop suicidal thoughts.

I was supported by fire brigade’s counselling service and diagnosed with post traumatic stress, anxiety and depression and was prescribed time off work. As I gradually recovered, I started writing, which was a sort of therapy.

Many firefighters thrive on the danger and value the opportunity to do something truly meaningful. But we’re fragile and vulnerable too.

As told to Amanda Riley Edric has released a book, Into the Fire: My Life as a London Firefighter, about his experiences, including the Grenfell tragedy and Croydon tram derailment of 2016, Bantam Press, £12.99 JUNE 2019 • 83

VOICES OF GRENFELL

Recent university graduate Naomi Israel lives near Grenfell and lost two people she was close to in the fire. She is Youth Ambassador for SPID and was co-director of the play The Burning Tower “The evening of the fire, it was really hot and I couldn’t sleep. Soon after 1am I smelled plastic, and my stomach was in knots. I logged onto Facebook at about 1.30am and immediately put my shoes on and ran to the tower. I didn’t even take my phone.

My mum’s cousin lived there. It was absolute chaos and very hot.

I remember thinking, if it’s hot here what’s it like inside? People were screaming. I knew five or six of the families inside. I was frantic and I needed to find out if everyone I knew was OK, so I ran back for my phone.

I rang but none of them answered.

My friend Dija—her full name was Khadija—was 24. I looked on Facebook and she’d written, 'I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.' I didn’t know she’d died until a few days after the fire. We talked a lot. I admired her and she gave me good advice. She was a talented artist and had an exhibition lined up in Venice. Sadly, all her work went with her. Her advice 84 • JUNE 2019

to me was, ‘don’t be rash and don’t make important decisions based on temporary feelings.’ I live by it still.

I stayed at home with my mum, dad and sister. It was a terrible long night and none of us slept. I later learned that a boy called Yasin had died—he was the cousin of a friend and very close to my sister. I was so fond of him. He was rarely at home so I hadn’t thought of him being in danger—he had a busy life with a job and university. The one time he was there, this happened. He escaped but ran back in to save his family. He didn’t make it. Another friend, Fathad, lived on the top floor where

READER’S DIGEST

Dija perished, and he carried his mum to safety, but lost his dad. I’ve known him since childhood. He’s just gotten married.

I’M VERY ANGRY THAT NOBODY

has been held accountable for the 72 deaths. Well, they say 72 but I think there must be more. Our country gives too much power to those who put profit before human beings. SPID has been a saving grace for people affected by the fire. The shock that hit our community turned to great sadness. Before the fire I wanted to become engaged with the issue of

understand what they went through and how the survivors feel. I’d give anything to have them back. The experience has made me a little jaded, and I feel I see the world through a different lens now.

Some survivors have moved on, some are still lost, and others are very angry. All the names of those who perished are read out at the end of The Burning Tower—it’s a very sombre moment and it makes you realise the size of our loss.

Grenfell has had a profound impact on me. It’s made me want to pursue my dreams, no matter how weird.

I WANT PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY WENT THROUGH, AND HOW THE SURVIVORS FEEL social housing safety, and then Grenfell made me even more committed. How did we get into a situation where one minute we were talking about unsound buildings and the next my friends were dead? I often think about Dija’s last Facebook posting and I can’t stop crying.

I think about the fire a lot.

I remember looking up and seeing a woman at a window. Then this huge gust of smoke blew across the building, and when I looked again, I couldn’t see her. I want people to

I left Falmouth University two years ago but I’m working in a furniture shop until I find a better job.

Someone rang in to place an order and I saw their old billing address was in Grenfell Tower. It takes me right back to that night two years ago. The fire will always be a part of me. n As told to Lynne Wallis You can still donate to those affected by the Grenfell Fire at thebiggive.org. uk/grenfell and family-action.org.uk/ donate-grenfell-community-service JUNE 2019 • 85

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TRAVEL & ADVENTURE

HAVANA

88

Visit the Cuban capital and be transported by its intoxicating mixture of sights and sounds

BY R E I F L A R S E N

View over Havana, Cuba

J

JUST BEFORE NEW YEAR’S EVE, my wife and I left our two children at home in New York with my parents and sneaked down to Havana for a brief getaway. More than once, I felt as if we had opened a portal into a parallel universe.

Cuba, which unfurls across the Caribbean like a tangled flag, sits barely 100 miles south of Key West, Florida. In some respects, it might as well be 10,000 miles. The country languishes in a period of post-Fidel, post-Obama uncertainty. Many Cubans we talked to cited President Obama’s 2016 visit as a critical first step in normalising relations between the two countries.

But such optimism has given way to a kind of stagnant waiting game, filled with more questions than answers: Is the sudden explosion of private businesses (like Airbnb) on the island a sign of things to come or merely window dressing on what remains a totalitarian regime? What will happen now that a Castro is no longer in charge? And if I did visit Cuba, would my capitalist mind be turned into mush?

Like many, I had been particularly taken by reports that US diplomats in Cuba had suffered from a range of mysterious symptoms, including nausea, hearing loss, dizziness, memory loss, and even brain damage. Both the media and the US State Department bandied about the idea of an attack by a

90 • JUNE 2019

sonic or microwave weapon as a possible explanation.

Why go to Cuba and dive into the cross hairs of both diplomatic and acoustic uncertainty then?

Because this is why we travel. As José Martí, Cuba’s national poet and philosopher, once wrote, “In a time of crisis, the peoples of the world must rush to get to know each other.”

No one can predict what will happen to Cuba in the coming years, which is why you must rush there now. To visit is to witness a rare bird about to fly the coop.

THERE’S A BIT OF consumerist whiplash that goes on when one travels to Cuba. There’s no capitalist excess there. Things are used and then used some more until they eventually fall apart. And then they are fixed. Our driver in Havana had inherited his cherry-red 1959 Buick Invicta convertible from his father, who had inherited it from his father.

The engine was original. I asked how many miles the car had on it. “This can’t be measured,” he said.

Much in Cuba resists measurement. Time becomes slippery. When we drove into the city from José Martí International Airport, we were instantly immersed in a whirlwind of ghostly history: American Plymouths from the 1950s, Soviet Ladas from the 1970s, Polski Fiats from the 1980s, donkey carts, the odd Peugeot. It was as if every

PHOTOS (PREVIOUS SP READ) © SEAN PAVON E/SHUTTERSTOC K. (OP P OSITE ) ©AND RE S G ARCIA MARTIN/SHU TTE RSTOCK

H AVA N A

A vintage American car, parked on a picturesque street in Old Havana 91

Above: The Malecón is Cuba’s most famous seaside avenue. Below: Dancers perform in costume in Callejón de Hamel, a two-block-long alley covered in Afro-Cuban street art

92

PHOTOS: (TOP) © KONSTA NTI N AKS ENOV/S HUTTERSTOCK. (BOTTOM ) ©A LVARFU E NTE /SHU TTE RSTOCK

READER’S DIGEST

moment that came before was also present now.

Cubans have a complicated relationship to time. The socialist system demands that time is not one’s own; time, like most everything else, is a shared commodity. Thus people are used to waiting in lines for services. They’re so used to waiting in lines that there are no lines anymore. There’s only a group of people living their lives, chatting, who happen to be waiting outside a bank or at a bus stop. When someone new shows up they ask “Quién es el último?” A finger goes up. The queue quietly grows by one and time tumbles on.

One of the young Cubans we talked to waiting in line shrugged off this inconvenience.

“Yes, there are shortages of goods. No, it’s not ideal,” he said.

“Private enterprise is important.

But we don’t just want to copy the American system where everything is about money.”

One of the great gifts of our short time in Havana was time itself.

Specifically, not having constant access to the internet. Havana has recently allowed for public WiFi, but only in certain parks and street corners. One has to purchase a little card to buy time online. And so we guiltily joined the masses at night in John Lennon Park (not to be confused with Lenin Park outside the city), huddled around the glow

of our smartphones. Would this be where the new revolution began?

And would this revolution have its own emoji?

We were wandering through dark parks at night because, for the most part, Cuba is perfectly safe. There’s no crime to speak of, or so the Cuban government says. As is often the case, when you dig beneath the surface, all is not as it seems: Cuba has the sixth highest incarceration rate in the world. If there is no crime, why are there so many criminals? Or is there no crime because all the criminals are locked up? When I asked our driver about this he shrugged.

“There’s an old joke,” he said.

“Eleven million Cubans, five million are police.”

I

WILL NOT BE THE FIRST to tell you that the streets of Havana are an intoxication. The city is ridiculously photogenic, no filters needed. Our Airbnb was in Vedado, a deceptively calm residential neighborhood of ageing mansions that also feature a few of the city’s most thumping night clubs and Fábrica de Arte Cubano, an old cooking oil factory turned into a sprawling arts complex. The night we went, there was a fashion show, a concert, a gallery opening all wrapped up into one. Cubans are ingenious at adapting what they have into something that is greater than the sum of its parts.

JUNE 2019 • 93

H AVA N A

From Vedado we walked. We walked along the Malecón, the seafront avenue and promenade known as the “sofa of the city,” where young people come out to see and be seen as the ocean pounds the city’s sea wall. We strolled through the crumbling part of Centro Habana, the “real Havana,” as many people put it. Everyone was home for the holidays; the mood was festive. We dodged water flung from balconies.

We drifted through the Callejón de Hamel, an alleyway covered in Afro-Cuban street art by Salvador González—inscribed bathtubs embedded in walls, bright murals of bodies entangled in dance. We

94

passed the joyous scrum of a rumba street festival.

Was there a rumba festival here everyday? I wouldn’t be surprised.

In fact, Habaneros are some of the more upbeat people I have ever met.

Citizens in many of the socialist and post-socialist countries I’ve visited often radiate a carefully honed cynicism. Cubans are just the opposite. They are not blind to the problems in their country but there is no time to be down because… there’s a rumba street festival! (And a car to fix, an apartment to rent, eggs to track down…)

Even Jesus was in on the action.

The Christ of Havana is a 66ft-tall

statue made of Carrara marble that overlooks the city from a hilltop across the bay.

“In Rio their Jesus is like this,” said our guide, holding out his arms. “In Cuba he is like this, with a mojito and a cigar.” The Cuban benediction.

We were constantly called out by strangers: “Where are you from?”

People beamed when we told them.

“We love the US, I have a cousin in Queens. It’s cold there, yes? I would die. Please tell everyone that Cuba is beautiful. No mafia, no war.

Just mojitos and salsa dancing.”

Hand on stomach, the dance was demonstrated, the toe expertly twirled in the dust.

F

READER’S DIGEST

OR THE AVERAGE CUBAN, it is of course not just mojitos and salsa dancing. Every day is an act of improvised survivalism. But as visitors on this miraculous island, we followed the Christ of Havana’s lead and drank our fair share of mojitos. They went down like water. The food was almost universally forgettable, but this is not why you come to Cuba. You come to be transported. To dance, to soak in the jaw-dropping collage of colonial and Art Deco architecture, to ponder the sad-alien street murals by Yulier Rodriguez Perez, to hear stories of a parallel world that begins to slowly merge with your own.

A typically picturesque narrow street with colonial buildings in Havana Vieja

H AVA N A

And you come for the sound.

Never have I been to a place whose identity is so entangled in its auditory fingerprint.

The guttural putt putt of eight-cylinder Cadillacs built before my father was born; the ocean rising and slapping at the Malecón; the timbale’s bell chattering at a bar; the swish and chop of a broom on a TRAVEL TIPS

GETTING TO HAVANA There are direct flights to Havana from many major European cities.

WHEN TO VISIT Thanks to Cuba’s tropical climate, Havana is an appealing year-round destination.

Temperatures are slightly cooler from November to late spring, but this is also the dry season, so you can expect lots of sunny days.

Summer and autumn experience more tropical showers, though there are still plenty of clear days.

Hurricanes are a possibility during these months, though it is impossible to predict in advance when, or if, they will hit Cuba.

More information visit cubatravel.cu

doorstep; the boom of the ceremonial cannons fired every evening from the Fortaleza de San Carlos de la Cabaña.

Our last night in Havana we went to see Roberto Fonseca and his band Temperamento at the famous La Zorra y El Cuervo jazz club. To enter, you must wait in line before descending through a replica of a red British telephone booth into a small subterranean space.

Fonseca and his bandmates slowly arrived one by one, greeting one another, testing their instruments.

There was no rush. The music didn’t start until well after 11pm. Yet when that first note was struck, everything seemed to fade away: the city, the island, the ocean, the world. The drummer was humble, incorruptible, generous. Fonseca dashed up and down his keyboard like a gazelle. The conga player, when his time finally came, let loose such an avalanche of rhythm the atoms in the room began to quiver and split. Tell me, is there a more ecstatic instrument than the conga drum?

When the song finally ended, the world came rushing back, changed, unchanged. We were in Cuba, still.

We took a breath and began to applaud. n FROM NEW YORK TIMES, MARCH 12, 2018, © 2018 BY NEW YORK TIMES CO., NYTIMES.COM

96 • JUNE 2019

SELECTED DEPARTURES INCLUDE FREE INSIDE TO OCEAN VIEW UPGRADE

CAPTIVATING CUBA

S

pend 3 days exploring the Floridian city of Miami filled with stunning Art Deco buildings, trendy eateries and night-time hot-spots including the infamous high energy of ‘Little Havana’.

Set sail across the Caribbean Sea to the island nation of Cuba itself on a 7-night full board cruise.

Surrounded by powder soft sand beaches and sprinkled with tobacco fields, that play a pivotal part in the famous Cuban cigars. Explore the capital of Havana which is bursting with character and lined with pastel houses and iconic 1950’s cars framed by the beautiful Spanish colonial architecture.

Departure

Price from

Oct 2019

£1549pp

Nov 2019

£1449pp

Dec 2019

£1559pp

Jan 2020

£1649pp

Feb 2020

£1779pp

Mar 2020

£1749pp

Apr 2020

£1949pp

TO BOOK, CALL FREE ON

0800 012 5467

L TO ITT U LE R H IN AV M AN IA A M I

11 NIGHT CRUISE & STAY HOLIDAY

WHAT’S INCLUDED • Return flights from London, including baggage • Private transfers • 3 nights 4-star Room Only Hotel in Miami • Little Havana Tour & Cultural Walk in Miami • 7 night full board cruise aboard Veendam

From price is based on 10 Nov 2019 from London

Other departure airports, dates and hotels available (prices will vary)

FROM

£1449*pp

OUR TRUSTED TRAVEL PARTNER

www.holidaydirection.co.uk/RD enquiries@holidaydirection.co.uk

Terms & Conditions apply. For full details please visit holidaydirection.co.uk. Prices are per person based on two adults sharing. Prices may change at any time without notice. No booking fees. Holiday Direction is a fully bonded member of the Global Travel Group (ATOL 3973). No credit or debit card charges. *Selected departure dates include a free inside to oceanview cabin upgrade. Lead in price not included in offer. Subject to availability.

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE

My Great Escape:

Happy In Hanoi Our reader Gillian Scourfield from Lincolnshire explores the vibrant capital of Vietnam

A

dream come true—my cousin, Cathy, and I were Southeast Asia bound. We had four glorious weeks to explore the destination so dear to my heart— Hanoi and the Sofitel Legend Metropole Hotel.

Arriving in Hanoi was easy and tourist-friendly; we breezed through immigration. We took a taxi from the airport which is all one flat rate to any hotel, so there’s no hassle and no need to haggle.

In no time at all we were checking into the Legend Hotel, an iconic landmark of Hanoi. The atmosphere was elegant and the décor—opulent.

However, there was no time to waste.

We unpacked and stepped out into the street to savour some of the local culture. We headed for the Old Quarter and weaved our way through the narrow, crowded streets—the volume of people and noise was unbelievable. The saffron walls of the old French villas were crumbling but they still retained their charm and elegance from a bygone era.

After some time we decided to rest our feet and let a “cyclo” (a cycle

98 • JUNE 2019

rickshaw) take the strain—it was such a relaxing way to see the Old Quarter. The drivers dropped us off at the theatre just in time for the water puppet show. Luckily there were some seats available and we stepped inside for an unforgettable aquatic experience.

It was all in Vietnamese so we had to guess the storyline but the puppets were so mesmerising that the plot became unimportant.

Later that day we had food and while Vietnamese cuisine is infinite, Hanoi is especially famous for a grilled fish dish called Cha Ca, served with vermicelli rice, peanuts, coriander and dill. We were recommended Cha Ca La Vong and we were not disappointed.

We then headed back to the hotel for a quick shower and a relaxing cocktail in the Bamboo Bar. At last my dream had become reality and as I sipped my Graham Greene Martini I felt I was living in total bliss.

Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it we’ll pay £50. Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

99

T R AV E L & A D V E N T U R E

YOGA HOLIDAYS FOR SURFERS: PORTUGAL

A large white house in beach town Cascais, near Lisbon, The Salty Pelican hosts weeklong residentials pairing surfing lessons—no experience needed—with 11 sessions of Yin/Yang yoga (saltypelicancascais.com).

FOR ALL-ROUNDERS: CARIBBEAN

Seven-night retreats at BodyHoliday, a luxury seaside spa base on St Lucia, are a mesh of yoga styles such as Hatha, Vinyasa, Pranayama and Ashtanga. Groups stay in a pool villa with four-poster beds (retreats. thebodyholiday.com).

FOR SWIMMERS: WALES

The Zest Life operates two-night yoga and wild swimming retreat on the Welsh island of Anglesey. In between two daily slow-flow sessions, groups bathe in local lakes and the sea with a guide (thezestlife.co.uk)

FOR THE STRESSED: SOUTH INDIA

FOR BAD BREATHERS: SOUTH AFRICA

The soothing lap of Kerala’s Backwaters canals soundtrack sixday yoga camps at the Fragrant Nature Kollam resort. Personalised schedules can incorporate meditation sessions and cooking demos under coconut trees (awesomeexperiences.com).

London wellness concierge Pauze runs affordable, annual yoga retreats near Cape Town. The six-night breaks also promise breathwork lessons, great vegetarian meals and a hike up Table Mountain (pauze.co.uk). n

by Richard Mellor

Travel app of the month APP IN THE AIR, FREE, ANDROID & IOS This flight-tracker and airport guide app has a new matchmaking service which hopes to connect passengers on the same flight or at the same airport. Mile High Club membership is optional.

100 • JUNE 2019

7 NIGHT ALL INCLUSIVE HOLIDAY

CHARMING CRETE BEACH BREAK

I

n a prime spot right on a Blue Flag beach, the 4-star Kalyves Beach Hotel is located in the traditional fishing village of Kalyves, West Crete.

The old Venetian town of Chania is around half an hour away, and the pretty village centre has a handful of Greek tavernas, bars and shops.

Worthy of the TripAdvisor Certificate of Excellence, this spacious hotel has a wonderful Mediterranean feel where guests can enjoy an indoor and outdoor swimming pool, minispa and restaurant, where dinner is served each evening. The rooms all have a private balcony, Wi-Fi, air conditioning, safe, and TV. Departure

Price from

Jun 2019

£699pp

Jul 2019

£949pp

Aug 2019

£1199pp

Sept 2019

£859pp

Oct 2019

£599pp

TO BOOK, CALL FREE ON

0800 012 5467

WHAT’S INCLUDED • Return flights from London, including baggage • Private airport transfers from Chania airport to hotel • 7 nights all-inclusive stay in the 4-star Kalyves Beach Hotel in a mountain view room*

From price is based on 9 Oct 2019 from London Gatwick Other departure airports, dates and hotels available (prices will vary)

FROM

OUR TRUSTED TRAVEL PARTNER

£599pp www.holidaydirection.co.uk/RD enquiries@holidaydirection.co.uk

Terms & Conditions apply. For full details please visit holidaydirection.co.uk. Prices are per person based on two adults sharing. Prices may change at any time without notice. No booking fees. Holiday Direction is a fully bonded member of the Global Travel Group (ATOL 3973). No credit or debit card charges. There is an accommodation tax of €4 per person per night paid directly to the hotel upon check-in. *Upgrade to a sea view room is available for a supplement.

MONEY

Back To Basics On Savings This month Andy Webb offers his advice on maximising your savings, and avoiding losing out on the best ways to save

I

nterest rates on savings have struggled to match inflation for a long while now. Essentially the cost of living is growing faster than any money you make on cash savings which means your money is losing value in real terms.

And the lower the interest that you’re earning, the more money you’re losing.

But this doesn’t mean saving is pointless. Do it right and it is possible to beat inflation. So this month I want to take you back to basics and help you rethink your savings strategy.

Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash 102 • JUNE 2019

STEP 1: USE YOUR SAVINGS TO PAY OFF DEBTS. If you have any debts then it’s more than likely that the interest you’re paying on them is higher than what you’re getting on your savings. So it makes sense to use your savings to wipe out those debts. If your debts are bigger than your savings, prioritise the most expensive debts.

You might be concerned that doing this means you don’t have any cash available for emergencies. But the savings you make should help you start rebuilding that pot—and in an emergency you can look to credit cards and loans.

STEP 2: FIND OUT THE RATE OF INTEREST YOU’RE EARNING. Now, for any savings left after the first stage check what interest rates they’re earning. It’s very possible it’s a lot less than you think it is. In part

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MONEY

this could be down to the rate being variable. Very few accounts have seen rises, but many have seen falls.

Or it could be because you got a bonus rate for the first year, and it’s subsequently dropped.

So check through all your accounts and note down what you’re getting.

Then compare this to the latest rates available. The Moneyfacts.co.uk website is a great resource for all different types of account, from easy access ISAs to high-interest current accounts.

Chances are you’ll be better off moving your money. But don’t automatically assume that’s going to be in an ISA. STEP 3: WORK OUT WHETHER YOU’LL ACTUALLY NEED AN ISA. Cash ISAs have been, and remain, a popular spot for savings as any interest you earn is tax-free. So make £100 and you keep £100.

But, most savers can get the same return without opening an ISA, and

that’s all thanks to the Personal Savings Allowance.

If this is new to you, then you’re not alone. Despite being introduced back in 2016, one in four aren’t aware of the allowance, according to Leeds Building Society. Basic rate taxpayers (anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year) can earn £1,000 in interest each financial year taxfree. If you’re a higher rate payer, then that allowance reduces to £500.

Both are pretty high, and should be enough for all but those with the largest pots of cash saved up. To give you some context, you’d need £66,667 in a 1.5% account to reach £1,000 in interest in a year.

This means it’s better to go for the higher paying savings account, and that’s likely to not be a Cash ISA. Of course, if you do have stacks of savings, then ISAs can win. You can always split your money so that some of it is put in the standard account and some is placed in ISAs.

THE TECH THAT CAN GET YOU INTO THE SAVINGS HABIT For many it’s a struggle to find spare cash each month to put aside, but there are a new generation of FinTech—financial technology—tools which make it much easier.

Smartphone apps such as Chip and Plum can analyse your bank account to calculate how much you can afford to save each week. The apps then make automated payments to a separate account. You’ve the ability to stop the transfers at any time, or withdraw the cash back out. However, stick with them and your savings pot should quickly grow without you really noticing.

104 • JUNE 2019

READER’S DIGEST

STEP 4: LOOK FOR THE BEST CASH ACCOUNT. If not an ISA, then where? Well you’ve a few options. In recent years the best rates have come from current accounts. Nationwide will give new FlexDirect customers 5% on balances of up to £2,500 for one year. It’s the same rate on TSB’s Classic Plus account until July when it drops to 3%. That’s on savings of up to £1,500. You can open one account with each of the banks, but anyone in a couple can open up a second joint account, potentially giving you 3% to 5% on £12,000 of savings across six accounts.

After this, you could look at regular savers. These allow you to put aside up to £300 a month for one year, with the interest paid on the anniversary of opening the account.

If you’ve got a First Direct, HSBC or M&S Bank account, you can currently get 5% too.

The next best rates are likely to be accounts locked down for multiple years. If you do pick one of these, make sure you won’t need to access the cash in the short term as there will be penalties.

If you’re moving more than £20,000 (your annual ISA allowance) from one ISA to another, then it’s important to follow the proper procedure. First check the new ISA allows transfers in. If it does, don’t just withdraw the money from the old account. Instead you need to complete the proper transfer forms and let the bank move it for you.

STEP 5: CONSIDER ALTERNATIVES TO CASH ACCOUNTS. Once you’ve nailed down some of the higher paying accounts, you’ll find even the best paying easy access cash ISA and savings accounts will still fall below recent inflation rates.

So instead, in search of greater returns, you could look at investing any further money.

Stocks and shares ISA and portfolios aren’t as scary as they might seem, and there are now “robo-advisor” options which do most of the work for you. Of course the risks attached include the chance your money could fall in value. So you need to weigh up your appetite for risk, particularly if you’re closer to retirement. n

POWER NAPPING In Japan, sleeping on the job is widely accepted as it’s interpreted as a sign of exhaustion from over-work. The act of falling asleep on the job is known as “inemuri” (which translates as “present while sleeping”) and is considered permitable during meetings as well as at one’s desk.

SOURCE: BBC.COM/FUTURE/STORY/20160506-THE-JAPANESE-ART-OF-NOT-SLEEPING

JUNE 2019 • 105

FOOD

Spinach Filo Pie Serves 4 900g frozen whole leaf spinach* 1tbsp olive oil 1 red onion, diced 20g butter 8-12 sheets of filo pastry 30g dill 30g mint 2 eggs 200g feta 1/3 nutmeg, grated 4 spring onions, sliced 20g polenta or couscous 1tsp Nigella seeds To serve: tomato and cucumber salad

Rachel Walker is a food writer for numerous national publications. Visit rachel-walker.co.uk for more information

Flaky filo pies have an illustrious history along the eastern Mediterranean and north African coast. As the weather heats up they make a great lunch—more substantial than a salad and a sensational centre piece.

My top tip? Think of the filo and spinach as a vehicle and be heavy-handed with the herbs and spices, which is where you’ll find all the flavour 1. If you haven’t already defrosted the spinach, put the

pucks of spinach in the microwave and heat for 5 minutes or until they’re soft. Squeeze the moisture out of the spinach leaves. It’s important to keep the content of the pie as dry as possible to help keep the pastry crisp.

2. Meanwhile, heat the olive oil in a pan and fry the red onion on a low heat for 5-8 minutes until soft and sweet.

Take the pan off the heat and add the spinach.

3. Melt the butter in a pan (or in a dish in the microwave),

and use a pastry brush to brush a light layer on a sheet of filo. Lay another sheet on top and continue until it’s four sheets-thick. Note, you might have to use a patchwork, overlapping the filo to create a pastry sheet that fits the tray or tin you’re making the pie in. Press the filo sheet into a pre-greased tin.

4. Mix together the dill, mint, eggs, feta, nutmeg, spring onions and polenta (or couscous). Stir in the red onion and spinach, and then pack the filling into the pie case.

Create a lid by repeating the four sheet-thick layering of filo and scrunch it on top of the pie. Brush with remaining butter, sprinkle over Nigella seeds and cook at 180°C for 45 minutes. *Of course, it’s possible to use fresh spinach—the bigger the leaves, the better. However, frozen spinach is cheaper, it has year-round availability and as it’s frozen within hours of being picked, it tastes just as fresh

106 • JUNE 2019

Drinks Tip…

P HOTOGRAPHY BY TIM & ZOË HI LL

Asda’s Picpoul is great value— just £7 for an award-winning bottle. The apple, aromatic nose and crisp palate makes it a great summer option and a superb pairing for a vegetarian tart.

JUNE 2019 • 107

FOOD

Greek Custard Tarts Makes 10 350ml milk 2 eggs, plus 1 egg yolk 50g sugar 50g semolina 25g butter (for the custard) 25g butter, melted Optional: Nutmeg To decorate: Raspberries, blueberries Icing sugar, to dust

Lots of people will be familiar with Portuguese custard tarts—or Pastel de Nata—but fewer know about Greek desserts like galaktoboureko and bougatsa which 108 • JUNE 2019

incorporate semolina to create a thick-set custard. They’re often served tray-bake style, but this recipe fuses both into a little tartlets, which are a great way of using up any leftover filo pastry

and bubbles. Stir in butter and set to one side.

just starting to simmer and then take off the heat.

3. Using the same technique as with the spinach tart, use melted butter to stick together three sheets of filo pastry.

Cut into squares which fit into a jam tart tin with an overhang and then spoon the thick custard into the pastry cases.

2. Meanwhile, whisk

4. Brush the overhanging

together the egg and sugar so it becomes a little pale and then stir in semolina. Pour the hot milk over, stirring the whole time and then transfer to a pan and heat for 5-8 minutes, whisking until it thickens

pastry with melted butter, finish with a grating of nutmeg and bake for 5-8 minutes at 180°C so that the tarts puff up and the pastry turns golden.

Decorate with summer berries and a dusting of icing sugar. n

1. Heat the milk until it’s

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HOME & GARDEN

Garden Grooming From flowers to furniture, here’s how to prepare your outdoor space for the summer season ahead

Homes and gardens writer and stylist Cassie Pryce specialises in interior trends and discovering new season shopping

W

hether you have a compact courtyard or a large, lawned garden, it’s the time of year to make the most of your outdoor space. Start by giving your garden a thorough clean and tidy— remove weeds from paving stones and decking, pressure-wash your patio to remove built-up grime and mow the lawn for a neat finish. Now is a good time to give fencing a summer spruce up, too; re-coat with a protective wood treatment or give it a pop of colour with a lick of paint.

Set a summery scene by making sure your flower beds are in tip-top condition, or using potted plants or 110 • JUNE 2019

hanging baskets to decorate decked or patio areas. Blooms such as freesias, begonias and alliums are all summer-flowering plants that will introduce plenty of colour into your garden.

If your garden furniture has taken a beating in the cold winter weather, spend an afternoon cleaning and treating the surfaces with a suitable protective layer or oil to see it through the season. Alternatively, if you’re in the market for new alfresco dining or lounging furniture, do some research as to which material is best suited to your needs and what size pieces you can fit into your outdoor space without it feeling overwhelming. Folding bistro sets are ideal for small balconies, or you may want to opt for an extending dining table with benches if you like to entertain larger groups in a bigger space.

Country Gardens Sofia six-seater bench dining set, £699, Dobbies

111

HOME & GARDEN

How To Encourage

Insects In Your Garden

Jessica Summers explores the miniature world of not-so-creepy-crawlies and just how beneficial they can be in your garden

W

ith the current climatised conversation about conservation and our ever-enduring love for the outdoors, the time seems right to rediscover our kinship with some helpful tiny gardeners.

Pollination is essential for the fertilisation of flowers and, similarly, hosting an abundance of flowers is essential for maintaining a wealth of beneficial insects in the natural world. Welcoming the little visitors to your garden will support a cycle of prey and predator bugs that maintain a balanced environment.

When choosing what to plant, single flowers are a preferable meal for bees as they expose their pollen.

Make your collection is large and variable, and try to fill any gaps.

112 • JUNE 2019

Try not to leave too much bare ground and instead leave some nooks—such as bricks and sideways pots—stuffed with old foliage for ground-dwelling crawlies to wander in and take cover under during perilous circumstances.

Bugs get thirsty too, so when watering your garden make sure to focus on leafy areas. Leaves doused in water will collect moisture and provide a perfect place for insects to perch and take a sip.

Finally, try to avoid using unnatural chemicals around your garden which will throw off the equilibrium and punish the good bugs along with the bad. If applying a insecticide is a must, seek an organic option and use it selectively. n

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FASHION & BEAUTY

My True

Colours Lisa Lennkh is a banker turned fashion writer, stylist and blogger.

Her blog, The Sequinist, focuses on sparkle and statement style for midlife women

A

quick glance at my closet shows you immediately that I love colour. Colour lifts my mood and rejuvenates my face.

However, when I'm buying clothes, I've always been much more about the style of an item than its colour. It seems like an impossibly tall order to find something in my size, my budget, a style that I like, and the perfect colour for me.

I've never really bought into the idea of "having your colours done", mainly because most "colour experts" seem to have no idea about colour and even less about style. A former banking colleague recently introduced me to Red Leopard, the London styling agency, for a colour and style consultation. I'm a difficult customer; I've been opinionated 114 • JUNE 2019

about style since I was old enough to talk. I warned the stylists before our meeting that I would wear no florals, ruffles, boho, lace, pink, or anything too girly… so they were not to even try with me! And quite honestly, I thought, what could anyone teach me, Miss Walking Rainbow, about colour anyway?

Well, quite a lot actually. The ladies I met weren't garden variety stylists or colour experts. I don't know what to call them. "Alchemists of colour and style" is about as close as I can get.

They have A-list celebrity clients and corporate clients, but they mostly work with people like you and me.

I learned more in two hours with them than I ever thought possible; my head was spinning for days afterwards. I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes and I now notice the nuances of colour everywhere.

Red Leopard relies heavily on the colour theory of Bauhaus master Johannes Itten.

Itten believed all colours have either a blue undertone or yellow undertone (so either cool or warm) and that all colours are either bright or soft (varying saturation). I wasn't simply assessed to be a spring, summer, autumn, or winter, but shown that within my range, there are specific colours that make my face come alive. How to find

READER’S DIGEST

them? By draping a big scarf of each colour next to your face whilst sitting in natural light and scrutinising the effect of each colour next to your skin.

As I went through the extensive collection of coloured scarves, I saw some colours made me look tired, accentuated the lines around my eyes, and drew attention to the shadows around my nose. Other colours (many I've never considered wearing, like tangerine and cinnamon) made my skin look fresh and blew away the lines and shadows. I couldn't believe my eyes.

How could two different colours of blue or two different colours of red each make my face look so different?

It was like sorcery! Colour-wise, I am a warm spring, so the more warm undertones in a colour, the better for my face. For example, I light up in warm bright turquoise blue and I age about 20 years in a cold teal blue.

When I shop now, I don't just buy colours that I like and hope for the best. Now that I understand the "colour code" I seek out those that flatter me. I don't buy blue just because I love it; I'll look for warmer blues with a pinch of green in them.

To make this easier, Red Leopard gave me a small wallet of card swatches with my ideal colours, and a sticker by the ones that work particularly well on me. If you're confused about your colours, having an expert opinion expert is a game-

changer. Yes, it adds another layer of decision making to shopping, but it also helps cut down on bad purchases and ensures that what is in your closet will make you look and feel great.

When you're young you have a school uniform, which makes half of students look great and the other half look tired. Then, you go to university, where you wear whatever is clean and cheap. After that, you start a job and probably wear practical corporate colours. Many people (myself included) don't have that much choice with colour until they reach mid-life. Make it count and enjoy it!

I'm a colour lover, but now I'm a swatch-card-carrying educated colour lover, and I look at everything, especially clothes, differently.

JUNE 2019 • 115

Getting Your

GOAT

Jenessa Williams explores the skincare benefits of goat’s milk

With veganism and cruelty-free skincare firmly on the rise, there has been a significant turn away from animal by-products in beauty, and rightly so. However, if you are to make an allowance, goat’s milk may well be the unglamorous answer to your tired skin woes, just in time for summer.

A powerful ingredient used since ancient times, goat’s milk is made up of approximately 30 per cent fatty acids, creating a rich formula of amino acids and minerals. Ideal for those with sensitive skin or drying conditions like eczema, the gentle PH is perfect as a hydrating cleanser, softening skin and encouraging a youthful glow thanks to its abundance of vitamin A. Apply as 116 • JUNE 2019

a balm to sunburn, freshen up on a lengthy flight or banish dead skin cells before a tanning session—the benefits are seemingly limitless, making this ingredient a must-have in your holiday suitcase. n

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CALL US: 0333 241 9919 Why Flying Colours Lifestyle Planning?

Lifestyle planning is tailored advice that understands your values, goals and aspirations, not only for your retirement future, but also the journey right now. Flying Colours was created to help our customers achieve and benefit from careful planning. We believe these three principles make a difference.

Working to a plan At its most basic, this means understanding how much you should save and how much you should spend to make your life financially efficient Advice on how to maximise your annual ISA allowance The UK has a complicated tax system and the rules change each year, especially around personal allowances Identifying the great opportunities that are out there and understanding exactly how to take advantage of them Trusted lifestyle planning advice for your ISA Our mission at Flying Colours is to improve the returns of the average UK investor, through attacking the hidden costs and maximising the value of independent financial advice.

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HHHHH

“One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”—a quote so deeply embedded in the cultural canvas of the 20th century—along with the image of the rocket launch—that it’s easy to trivialise and take this monumental historical event for granted. Which is exactly why the Apollo 11 documentary is such an eye-opening foray into the events that took place during this revolutionary mission.

Through extensive and surprisingly crisp archive footage, the film takes us through those riveting eight days during which the whole world watched

Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins execute one of the greatest scientific advancements of all time. The story is told here in a clear, unhurried manner, taking the time to explain the technical aspects of the mission so we never lose the thread. But it also takes pleasure in letting us in on some of the fascinating yet little-known details about the mission: the humorous exchanges between the astronauts and the Mission Control Centre, the last-minute panic about a leaky hydrogen valve, or the footage of thousands of spellbound spectators watching the launch from highways and beaches near the launch site.

An inspiring testament to one of the greatest adventures of humankind.

118 • JUNE 2018

READERSDIGEST.CO.U K/C U LT U RE / F IL M

An astonishing Moon landing documentary, celebrating the passion and thirst for knowledge of mankind

© DOGWOOF

APOLLO 11

FILMS

HHHHH MUSIC: YESTERDAY

Can you imagine a world in which The Beatles never existed? For struggling musician Jack Malik (Himesh Patel) this notion became reality when he was hit by a bus during a bizarre global power outage. When he woke up, nobody knew who Paul, John, Ringo or George were, meaning all their songs were up for Jack to claim as his own… and he did just that. This whimsical premise, along with tons of great music and hilarious performances from Kate McKinnon and Ed Sheeran (who plays

himself) result in an incredibly entertaining watch, even if the film runs out of steam some two thirds in. Make sure you dust off your Beatles records— you’ll need them afterwards!

HHHHH © UNIVERSA L / CURZON ARTIF IC IAL EYE / ENTERTAIN MEN T ONE

COMEDY: LATE NIGHT Remember the

HHHHH ROMANCE: GLORIA BELL Julianne

Moore is back on great form after starring in the jarring thriller Bel Canto in this charmingly awkward, understated comedy-drama about a woman in her fifties seeking true love. From the director of the Oscar-winning A Fantastic Woman, Sebastián Lelio, it’s a captivating, selfaware and refreshingly honest take on intimacy in later age and the hurdles of being a parent of adult children.

2006 hit The Devil Wears Prada with Meryl Streep as the boss from hell? If you enjoyed the exploration of that glossy, dog eat dog environment, and the punchy, densely packed jokes, you’ll probably like Late Night which follows a similar underdog narrative. The story is set here in the world of TV entertainment and the icy boss is played by Emma Thompson who imbues her character with humanity and nuance. The screenplay was written

by Mindy Kaling of The Mindy Project fame who also stars as the bright-eyed ingénue desperate to impress Thompson’s formidable talk show host.

by Eva Mackevic 119

TELEVISION

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (BBC2; BBC IPLAYER) What is it? Larky spin-off from 2014’s xx

THE LOOMING TOWER (BBC2; BBC IPLAYER) What is it? Gripping ten-part miniseries

addressing the CIA’s haphazard attempts to track Al-Qaeda ahead of the World Trade Center attack of 2001.

Why should I watch it? Wisely, the BBC have allotted a primetime slot to one of last year’s streaming standouts—a meticulously detailed, superlatively performed drama.

Best episode? We all know the ending— the final episode’s titled “9/11”—but the showrunners find unexpected new angles on that fateful day.

cult Kiwi mockumentary about latter-day vampires, now with bonus Matt Berry.

Why should I watch it? The movie – a fanboy riff on all things Twilight – was plenty funny. The series develops the idea of grumpily cohabiting bloodsuckers into an often inspired flatshare sitcom: not so much The Young Ones as The Ageless Ones.

Best episode? Episode Two, in which our heroes cause low-key chaos at a city council meeting.

Best character? Britcom stalwarts Berry and Kayvan Novak are on excellent form, but the emergent Natasia Demetriou (Stath Lets Flats) has a ball as their clumsily seductive housemate Nadja.

by Mike McCahill

DON’T FORGET THE DRIVER (BBC IPLAYER) Bognor-based coachman Toby Jones struggles to navigate the migration issue in Tim Crouch’s plea for greater tolerance.

120 • JUNE 2018

FAMALAM: SERIES 2 (BBC IPLAYER) The everlively sketch show returns, with a hall-of-fame Beyoncé skit, Woke Barry White, and more of those unexpected gang videos.

WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY (AMAZON PRIME) The US variant of C4’s improv hit lands among us, offering side orders of razzle-dazzle with its good-spirited fun.

R E A D E R S D I G E ST.CO.U K /C U LT U R E / F I L M

© BBC PICTURES

WHAT TO STREAM THIS MONTH:

MUSIC ALBUM OF THE MONTH: CAN YOU REALLY FIND ME

BY NIGHT MOVES As the longer, balmier

summer evenings begin to lull you into a romantic, quietly electrified state of mind, you might find yourself looking for new tunes to complement that blissful mood. Enter Night Moves—a duo from Minneapolis who have remained largely under the radar since their 2012 debut, and now return with the smooth and buoyant Can You Really Find Me. A deliciously syrupy but sleek collection of ten poppy earworms, the record spans everything from dreamy psychedelia to 1970s folk rock via Britpop, and a pit stop in Hawaii.

Each song exudes unique character that sets it apart from the rest but particular standouts include the elated, heart-warming ballad “Keep Me in Mind” that could’ve easily been written by the The Lovin’ Spoonful, or the tuneful, longing “Angelina” that sounds like a tender prequel to the doomed love story of Stones’ “Angie”.

Can You Really Find Me is ambitious but not overbearing, sweet but never sickening, diverse without trying too hard—a low-key but robust candidate for your soundtrack to the summer of 2019.

Key tracks: “Mexico,” “Keep Me in Mind,” “Angelina”

by Eva Mackevic READER RADAR: LUNAR SUMMERS, OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST WATCHING: DIRTY JOHN (NETFLIX) A dramatised true

story of an abusive relationship and its consequences.

It’s extremely enlightening.

ONLINE: BBC NEWS I no

longer buy a daily paper and instead consume all my news online. I also read lots of medical journals covering rehabilitation.

READING: WOLF HALL BY HILARY MANTEL I adore historical fiction.

LISTENING: 1970S AND 80S MUSIC

I know it’s not classy but I love seeing the dramatic entrails of history made into a story. Of course, I’m also an avid Reader’s Digest reader.

My children say retro is cool so I’m sticking with it! My ambition is also to get into podcasts once I figure out how they work...

E M A I L YO U R R E CO M M E N DAT I O N S TO R E A D E R S L E T T E R S @ R E A D E R S D I G E ST.CO.U K

BOOKS

June Fiction This month we encounter a down-on-her-luck mum striving for something better, and suburbanite wannabe poet, desperate for recognition The Bookshop on the Shore by Jenny Colgan (Sphere, £12.99) For her many fans, summer just wouldn’t be summer without a new Jenny Colgan—and this one certainly won’t disappoint.

When the novel begins, the heroine is, I think it’s fair to say, rather down on her luck. The penniless mother of a mute four-year-old son, Zoe has a spectacularly feckless DJ boyfriend and a depressingly tiny London flat. But then she moves to the Scottish Highlands: partly to work in the same mobile bookshop that featured in Colgan’s The Little Shop of Happy Ever After, and partly to be a live-in nanny at what the locals duly call “the big hoose”.

(Naturally, the house comes equipped with an appealingly mysterious—and wifeless—male owner.)

James Walton is a book reviewer and broadcaster, and has written and presented 17 series of the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff 122 • JUNE 2019

Once again, Colgan demonstrates her highly impressive knack for turning wholly recognisable modern life into something approaching a fairy tale.

As befits a book in which books play a central role, there are also firm nods to Rebecca, Jane Eyre and all those gothic tales about spooky country piles with creaky front doors. Yet, as ever, what really makes this such an irresistible read is Colgan’s obvious affection for her characters—and for her readers.

Diary of a Somebody by Brian Bilston (Picador, £14.99) Brian Bilston (whose real identity remains secret) is often described as “the poet laureate of Twitter”—but don’t let that put you off. Diary of a Somebody is one of the funniest novels for years.

On the face of it, the Bilston we meet here is an archetypal middle-aged suburbanite. His greatest pleasures include custard creams and a well-

READER’S DIGEST

stacked dishwasher. His biggest anxiety is forgetting to put the bins out on collection day.

(Oddly enough, his wife has recently left him.)

As his diary reveals, though, there’s far more to him than that—not least his determination to become a revered poet, despite currently having an office job that consists largely of pretending to understand such phrases as “Resolutioning the Brand”.

Along the way, we get a suitably hesitant love story and a neat crime mystery. But even when Bilston is simply musing on not-very-much, the novel fizzes with one-liners and wordplay (“Her name was Yoda/A show girl she was”). It also has genuine heart—and scores of poems so witty and accomplished that, in the real world, their author would surely be as famous as, well… I predict that Brian Bilston will soon be.

Name the author Can you guess the writer from these clues (the fewer you need the better)?

1. Her older sister was called Margot.

2. She wrote the bestselling book of all time by a teenager.

3. There’s a museum in her honour in Amsterdam. .

Paperbacks Impossible Things Before Breakfast by Rebecca Front (W & N, £7.99).

Lovely collection of true stories about the strange things that happen in everyday life from the TV actress.

Paris Echo by Sebastian Faulks (Vintage, £8.99).

Another terrific, intelligent read from Faulks, this one set in modern Paris— where the city’s darker past is never far away.

Our Uninvited Guests by Julie Summers (Simon &Schuster, £8.99).

The story of what happened to Britain’s country houses during the war when they were requisitioned for all sorts of wartime uses—not always to the delight of their owners.

War of the Wolf by Bernard Cornwell (HarperCollins, £8.99).

Latest in the bestselling Lost Kingdom series, set in Anglo-Saxon Britain, and now a hit series on Netflix.

A Better Me by Gary Barlow (Blink, £8.99).

The Take That singer pulls no punches in this account of how his life fell apart—and how he recovered.

Answer on p126 JUNE 2019 • 123

BOOKS

RD’S RECOMMENDED READ

Mum’s The Word Stephanie Calman relates the highs and lows of life as a mother to teenage children and all the hilarity—intentional or not—that comes with it

A

bout the only thing wrong with this funny, wise and heartfelt book is the oddly misleading subtitle. As it turns out, Stephanie Calman covers the lives of her two children, Lawrence and Lydia, from when they were eight and seven to when they’re 20 and 19 and have both gone off to college.

Luckily, whatever age they are, Calman writes about parenthood with the same winning mix of fondness and exasperation. She’s also good on how children don’t glide smoothly from one stage to the next, the way they’re supposed to. Instead, she says, they’re more like caterpillars that keep changing into butterflies and back again to caterpillars.

As you may have spotted, for example, many of the characteristics

Confessions of a Bad Mother: the Teenage Years by Stephanie Calman is published by Picador at £12.99

124 • JUNE 2019

traditionally associated with teenagers—a desire for independence, a deep scorn for parents, sudden obnoxiousness—are not unknown in the behaviour of quite small children. And of course, teenagers themselves are by no means always the complete monsters of popular myth, but often fun, kind and sweet.

On the whole, Calman goes for the comedy aspects of parenthood, and the book brims with great jokes. But it also has its more reflective side, as she ponders the whole strange business of family life—sometimes

READER’S DIGEST

with a touch of melancholy brought about by that classic parental conflict between wanting your children to grow up into happy, decent human beings and not wanting them to grow up at all. In fact, Calman suggests, the really weird people in a family are frequently the parents, with their wild mood swings and their inability to resist peer-group pressure.

Here, though, is a bulletin straight from the heart of her children’s early teenage years…

‘‘

It’s the seemingly smaller changes that can be the most painful, like when they come back from a stay with friends and you rush to hug them.

And they take a step back.

Then there’s the extreme selfconsciousness you get at this stage; suddenly, everything you say is lame, stupid and wrong, and you just wish you could say the right thing, the cool thing, just *once*.

For your dear, sweet child, so trusting and mild—well, ours never were, but anyway—has gone. And in her place is a genius who knows everything. She is in effect from the future, while you, like the Renaissance Church confronted by Galileo, dwell in the past. You’ve gone from being the Oracle to the Village Idiot. If any of this sounds at all *exaggerated*, imagine you’re in a Jane Austen story, life going along much as it always has, with the carriages and the whist parties, and fatal attacks of pneumonia

Stephanie Calman’s favourite families in books The Cazalet Chronicles

by Elizabeth Jane Howard.

These novels have it all: love, humour, jealousy, war—even business. Every character is perfectly rendered and, as your loyalties shift, you realise you’re in the hands of a master.

Running in the Family

by Michael Ondaatje.

A diary of his trip back to Sri Lanka to visit his bonkers relatives. His father was an alcoholic who took off his clothes on trains, his grandmother, a kleptomaniac who brought people flowers picked from their own gardens. Irresistible.

Heartburn by Nora Ephron.

A barely fictionalised account of the adultery of Ephron’s husband, Washington Post reporter Carl Bernstein, and a meditation on the ethics of mining people’s lives for material.

Peace At Last, Five Minutes’ Peace, All In One Piece, A Quiet Night In

by Jill Murphy.

The domestic mishaps of the Large Family, a ménage of accident-prone elephants. Like all the best literature, Murphy’s books are both specific and universal.

JUNE 2019 • 125

BOOKS

caused by wet hems—when in chapter 12 you innocently open a panelled door and find yourself in Bladerunner.

Did you ever try to get in with the cool crowd at school and fail? Well, that’s about to be your life all over again. And to make it really humiliating, the cool kids are just that—*kids*. Thirty-or-whatever years younger than you. You’ve got a whole life behind you, with achievements, experience and knowledge; they haven’t even taken their GCSEs. But *you* know nothing.

Meanwhile, your teenagers want to be appreciated, need desperately to be *praised*, but throw it back in your face. But you must persist. This, I admit, is not easy.

Sample dialogue: ‘Is that your Art GCSE project?’

(Mumble) ‘It looks really good.’

‘What? It’s total crap. Anyone can see that!’

In fact, what they mean by ‘It’s total crap’ is actually: ‘Thank you, I’m really grateful for the compliment but

And the name of the author is…

Anne Frank, author of The Diary of a Young Girl— written, of course, while she was in wartime hiding in the house that’s now the Anne Frank Museum.

126 • JUNE 2019

“Teenagers need desperately to be praised, but throw it back in your face” for reasons that are unclear even to me I am unable to express this.’

One way round this seems to be to copy Michael Caine.

In his famous screen acting masterclass, Caine shows actors how to underplay it. Unlike stage acting, where people in the back row have to be able to see you’re sad or scared or angry or whatever, acting on film is minimal. And transitioning from being the parent of children to the parent of teenagers is much the same.

For example, when Lawrence or Lydia came out at home time with a picture, we *used* to say: ‘OH WOW! WHAT A LOVELY PICTURE! LET’S PUT IT RIGHT UP HERE ON THE WALL WHERE WE CAN ALL SEE IT! HEY EVERYONE, COME AND LOOK AT *THIS*!’

And they would be very pleased.

Now, when they do something impressive, such as passing an exam or starting a band, we must not sound Too Pleased. Nor must we hug them and cover them with proud, delighted kisses.

‘Oh, that’s good: well done!’ is about right, though on second thoughts I might lose the ‘!’.”

Books

THAT CHANGED MY LIFE Award-winning writer Bernardine Evaristo is the author of eight books of fiction and poetry. Her new novel, Girl, Woman, Other is out now, published

by Hamish Hamilton

The Kon-Tiki Expedition BY

THOR HEYERDAHL

I read this when I was about 14. It’s by a Norwegian explorer who went on an expedition from Peru to Polynesia in a balsa raft to prove that Peruvians had sailed to Polynesia deep in history. I was really inspired by it. I grew up in Woolwich—which has suddenly become gentrified but at the time was a very boring town—and we went nowhere. My father was Nigerian and my mother English but I hadn’t been to Nigeria or anything like that. So this book exploded my mind open in terms of imagining a world beyond the world I was growing up in.

For Coloured Girls Who Have Considered Suicide

BY NTOZAKE SHANGE

The author was an AfricanAmerican writer, poet and dramatist who wrote this book in the Seventies. It was a work of poetry that was meant to be performed

partly through dance. It was groundbreaking because it was very unusual to have seven black women on stage in London’s West End. I was a student when I saw it, and when I left drama school I formed a company with two others called The Theatre of Black Women.

I don’t know that we’d have done that if we hadn’t seen this production.

Midsummer BY DEREK WALCOTT I’ve loved poetry all my life, but when I first read Walcott’s work I felt I’d experienced poetry at its highest level.

Even though I’m not Caribbean or male, his poetry spoke to me and I fell in love with his use of language. He was very imaginative and he created the most extraordinary images out of the most ordinary things. His writing is profound and passionate, evocative, atmospheric and very descriptive. He wrote this series of sonnets 3while spending a summer in Trinidad and the book defies categorisation. I wanted to be able to produce work that was as magical and chemical as his. n

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/CULTURE

JUNE 2019 • 127

TECHNOLOGY

Who Knew My Phone Could Do That!

From snapping photos in video mode, to broadcasting your location in the event of an emergency, there are endless functions your smartphone can perform…

BACKUP YOUR ZAPPER

Subtitle Your Life

If you spend as many hours looking down the back of the sofa as I do, you’ll be relieved to learn that most smart TV systems can use your phone as a back-up remote control.

Download the Android TV Remote Control or Apple TV Remote apps for those respective devices, or the Roku and Amazon Fire TV apps if you have a streaming stick. Abandoning your pointand-clicker can also save time when you’re trying to enter a cumbersome title—Baron Munchausen, for example—into a media library such as Netflix: the text or voice interface on your phone is a lot less fiddly.

Live Transcribe is a simple and effective Android app, preinstalled on Pixel 3 phones, that transcribes speech in (almost) realtime. If you’re hard-of-hearing, it can help you follow a conversation without need for a hearing aid, or enjoy un-subtitled live broadcasts, such as radio dramas. Theoretically it could also produce a reliable written record of a meeting; but, due to privacy concerns, Google have not yet permitted transcripts to be saved or shared. I suspect, as users become more comfortable with AI, this will change.

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

128 • JUNE 2019

Measure Your Shopping

SINGALONG YOUR CONTACTS 24/7 connectivity is not always convenient. If you frequently find yourself rushing from the garden or bathroom to pick up your mobile— only to discover it’s just another cyborg hassling you about PPI—may I suggest you set specific rings for your closest contacts.

On both iOS and Android, you can add bespoke chimes to your most beloved correspondents, right from the contacts directory on your phone. So, you need only bother rushing when you know it’s someone you actually want to hear from. (And, of course, you can set an appropriately amusing tune for the mother-in-law).

When you’re out shopping for furniture, it’s a good idea to bring a tape measure with you— but, seriously, who ever remembers to do that?!

Apple’s Measure app, bundled on iPhone, has saved me a gazillion times in TX Maxx. It’s super-simple to use— just point the camera at the object you want to measure and it superimposes a yellow dot that you tap at each end of the item concerned, and it provides you with an instant calculation in centimetres. There you go: an application for Augmented Reality that doesn’t involve Pokémon. Who knew?

129

FUN & GAMES

You Couldn’t Make It Up Win £30 for your true, funny stories!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk WHEN MY ELDERLY AUNT DIED

I was concerned that my uncle wasn’t feeding himself properly.

Arriving at his bungalow, I found him preparing for his afternoon walk.

“Have you had lunch?” I asked.

“Oh yes, love” he replied, “I had some soup with some of those crunchy cretins on the top.”

MARY TEPPENDEN, Ke n t

I SENT MY SON TO THE SHOP and

RIA JONES, D e n b i g h s h i r e

“Hey buddy, is the festival over?”

I TOLD MY CHILDREN THAT THEY

cat, and I had to keep reminding her that her brother, Josh, was allergic to them so we couldn't. The last time she asked, my answer was still no but this time she was ready with a comeback.

“Can we get one if we give Josh to a children’s home?”

had to stop saying nasty things to each other or there would be trouble.

I explained that they could still communicate their feelings to each other, but politely. Shortly after, I heard them arguing about a task I had given them and who should do it. One said to the other, "You are my inferior. Therefore you should take out the rubbish.”

JOSIE DRURY, F l i n t s h i r e

JANE WILE, C l w y d

MY DAUGHTER KEPT ASKING for a

130 • JUNE 2019

CARTOON: GUTO DI AS

told him to get a carton of milk and if they had bananas, to get four. He came back with four cartons of milk and when I asked why he replied, “They had bananas!”

READER’S DIGEST

DURING A HOLIDAY IN THE US,

I WAS ABOUT TO BE DISCHARGED

my wife and I were having lunch in a diner and she kept mentioning that it felt just like being in Greece. I didn’t understand and told her that it was nothing like being in Greece, to which she replied, “Grease the musical, not the country.”

from hospital and it was getting near lunch time so I headed to eat in the canteen. I mentioned how long the queue was to the chap in front who said, “It's always the same when the chef's special is on the menu. And there’s only one working today.”

“You mean only one canteen assistant?” I asked.

“No, only one toilet.” he replied.

DAVID HEY, G r e a t e r Ma n c h e s t e r

ARRIVING AT GATWICK AFTER A LONG FLIGHT my husband waited

by the luggage carousel while I went to the toilet. On my return, I stood next to him and placed my head on his shoulder. Moments later, I noticed a little boy staring up at me, open-mouthed, as he realised my head was resting on his father.

MICHELLE CHRISTOPHOROU, S u r r e y

MY NEIGHBOUR’S SON received

some wellington boots for Christmas and wore them all the time. During a visit to the Harrods toy department they were in a crowded lift when a woman turned around and slapped a man across the face. As soon as the lift stopped, security marched the man off, and the woman shouted after him. When the boy was being put to bed that night, his mother asked him if he'd enjoyed his day.

“Yes”, he replied. “But I didn’t like the lady in the lift.”

“Why not?” asked his mother.

“Well, she stepped on my new boots so I bit her bum!”

MARION CHAPMAN, L o n d o n

DAVID WEBB, We s t S u s s e x

I OVERHEARD AN ELDERLY

gentleman who commented that after 62 years of marriage his was still a happy one. Someone asked his secret and he retorted, “Two nights a week we go to a restaurant and enjoy delicious food, candlelight, soft music and a slow walk home.” But he spoiled it by adding, “She goes on Tuesdays and I go on Fridays.”

GENNA BURTON, C l w y d

A FRIEND RUNS A CLEANING

company and one of her clients is a retired palaeontologist. Three days running she placed several large bones back on the top shelf that she found on the floor. It amazed her because there was no way they could have fallen. She only realised what had been happening when she walked in and saw her client scolding his dog. “Rocky!” He said, “How on earth do your bones keep getting on the shelves?”

CATHERINE HISCOX, He r t f o rd s h i r e

JUNE 2019 • 131

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FUN AND GAMES IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power

With summer in full swing, it’s time to shake off the decor doldrums and set your inner home stylist free.

Test yourself with this month’s quiz, full of words you might encounter while sprucing up. Answers on next page

BY E M ILY COX & H E NRY RATH VON

1. cabriole n.—A: china cabinet.

B: curved furniture leg. C: tea cart.

9. finial n.—A: ornament at the tip of a lamp or a curtain rod. B: pull string.

C: metal drawer handle.

2. trug n.—A: shallow basket.

B: triangular jug. C: padded footrest.

3. bolster n.—A: comforter cover.

B: bed skirt. C: long pillow.

4. pilaster n.—A: column jutting from

a wall. B: ornate molding on ceiling.

C: recessed cubbyhole.

10. organdy n.—A: polkadot pattern. B: an insulating lining.

C: a transparent muslin.

11. newel n.—A: sunny nook. B: central post of a circular staircase. C: arched doorway between adjoining rooms.

B: stand for a candlestick.

C: wall-mounted light.

12. bergère n.—A: an upholstered chair with exposed wood. B: onearmed couch. C: semicircularm occasional table.

6. grommet n.— A: sliding drawer.

B: eyelet to protect an opening.

C: anchor chain for hanging lamps.

13. ceruse n.—A: eyecatching colour.

B: table runner. C: pigment composed of white lead.

7. pounce v.— A: transfer a stencil design. B: add more light. C: combine different fabrics.

14. Bauhaus adj.—of or relating to…

A: rococo style. B: a German school of functional design. C: an ecofriendly house.

5. torchère n.— A: propane fireplace.

8. patina n.— A: weathered look of copper or bronze. B: two-toned floors.

C: high-gloss surface.

15. incise v.—A: prune. B: slice.

C: engrave.

JUNE 2019 • 133

WORD POWER

Answers 1. cabriole —[B] curved furniture leg.

“That cabriole shape mimics Rufus’s hind leg!” the collector’s son boasted.

2. trug—[A] shallow basket.

Barbara’s handmade trugs are ideal for carrying flowers.

3. bolster—[C] long pillow. A pair

of comfy bolsters soften the ends of a daybed.

4. pilaster—[A] column jutting from a

wall. Two enormous pilasters flanked the entrance, dwarfing the handcarved door.

5. torchère —[B] stand for a

candlestick. “Would you mind bringing the torchère over here?”

Dean’s grandmother intoned from the dark corner.

6. grommet—[B] eyelet to protect

an opening. The grommets jangled as I yanked open the drapes and tried to duck out.

7. pounce —[A]

transfer a stencil design. Diane tried to duplicate her drawing by pouncing it, but the effect was lost.

8. patina—[A]

weathered look of copper or bronze.

134

“How long before the roof dulls to that fantastic patina?” Janice asked.

9. finial—[A] ornament at the tip of a lamp or a curtain rod. Tacky finials cluttered the stark window treatments.

10. organdy—[C] transparent muslin.

To soften your bedroom, try organdy curtains—they’ll filter the light.

11. newel—[B] central post of a circular staircase. The handrail is sound, but the newel needs replacing.

12. bergère —[A] upholstered chair

with exposed wood. Invented in the 1700s, the bergère was designed for lounging.

13. ceruse —[C] pigment composed of

white lead. Applying a ceruse finish may help conceal the table’s flaws.

14. Bauhaus—[B] of or relating to a

WORD OF THE DAY* GELOSCOPY: Fortune-telling by means of laughter

German school of functional design.

The Bauhaus influence was clear in her early drawings.

15. incise —[C]

“Choosing the same ice cream as your friend"

engrave. A carpenter may incise his name into his furniture. n

“Examination of jails"

VOCABULARY RATINGS

Alternative suggestions:

“An operation on a hair product”

9 & below: Nate Berkus knockoff 10–12: designer on a dime 13–15: design genius

*POST YOUR DEFINITIONS EVERY DAY AT FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK

FUN & GAMES

Brainteasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles, then check your answers on p139

STR8TS

Fill in the white cells with whole numbers from1 to 9 so that no number repeats in any row or column. Blue cells divide the rows and columns into “compartments.”

Each compartment needs to contain a “straight.” A straight 9 1 is a set of numbers that have no 5 8 3 gaps between them but that can appear in any order (for 4 7 example: 2, 3, 5, 4). A clue in a blue cell removes that 2 7 4 8 number as an option in the cell’s row and column, but 7 4 2 it is not part of any straight.

Here’s an example of a completed puzzle:

2 1 4 5 6 4 5 3 2 4 5 2 1 4 3 6 2 1 5 3 5 2 1 4 2 1 3

5

1

2

4

3

8 4 5

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

Henri lives the Eastern Standard Time zone. His sister, Anaïs, lives in the Central European Time zone, six hours ahead of him. Henri works between 8am and 5pm (local time) and goes to sleep each evening at 10pm on the dot. Anaïs works between 9am and 6pm and always goes to sleep at 11:30pm in her own local time. Is there any window when Henri could call Anaïs after his work without interrupting her on the job or disturbing her sleep?

136 • JUNE 2019

(Str8ts) Jeff Widderich; (Timing Is Everything) Sue Dohrin.

7

READER’S DIGEST

(Set-Free) Fraser Simpson; (Sum-Thing Special) Fraser Simpson; (Make Your Moves) Darren Rigby.

SET-FREE

Place an A, B or C in each empty cell. No three consecutive cells in a horizontal, vertical or diagonal line may contain a set of identical letters (such as B-B-B) or a set of three different letters (such as C-A-B). Can you ensure a set-free grid?

B B

C

A A C

SUM-THING SPECIAL

Each letter from A through H has one of the eight values listed below, and no two letters have the same value. Which number goes with which letter to make all of the equations true?

2 3 4 5 8 12 13 17 F+A=C G+B=D F+D=H B+H=C E+G=B

MAKE YOUR MOVES

Start at the 2 at the bottom of this maze. For your first move, pass through two red walls, then stop.

For your next move, pass through the number of walls indicated by the digit on your new starting square (1, 2 or 3), but this time you may only pass through blue walls.

Continue alternating wall colours (red and blue) with each move. You’re allowed to pass through the same wall more than once during your journey through the maze, but you may never step immediately back through the same wall you just passed through. How can you land on the X at the end of a move?

2 2 1 2 1 3 1 3 2 3 3 1 2 1 1 2 X 2

JUNE 2019 • 137

BRAIN TEASERS

CROSSWISE

Test your general knowledge.

Answers on p142

ACROSS

1 5 9 10 11 12 15 16 17 19 21 24 25 28 29 30 31

DOWN

Clap (7) 1 Vicar (6) 2 Benefit (9) 3 Unwarranted (5) 4 Floor coverings (4) 5 Rounded mass of steamed dough (8) 6 Seedless raisin (7) 7 East Mediterranean democracy (6) Involuntary muscular contraction (3) 8 13 Dusky (6) 14 Least difficult (7) Knockout punch (8) 18 Sicilian volcano (4) 20 Compel (5) 22 Dutch master (9) 23 Work over (4,2) 26 Soon (7) 27

138 • JUNE 2019

Scaremonger (8) Crucial (7) “Black Beauty” author ___ Sewell (4) Faculty head (4) Biased (10) Statue-maker (10) Bygone (3-4) Prevail (5) Legislative assembly (10) Rickety vehicle (10) Furtive (8) Edge of the road (7) Permanently inactive (7) Fly-by-night (5) Yuletide (4) Group of three (4)

READER’S DIGEST

STR8TS

4 9 5 5 6 4 4 3 2 7 6 6 5 7 7 8 8 3 2 2 1

6 7 8 5 3 4 4 3 5 2 2 1 1

2 1 3 1 2 6 7 5 9 8 2 8 9 4 3 6 1 4 5 3 8 5 7 6 7 6 4 5

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

Yes, between 5 and 5:30 pm EST. SET-FREE

A B A B B C C B A C A C A A C C SUM-THING SPECIAL

a=13, b=5, c=17, d=8, e=2, f=4, g=3, h=12.

MAKE YOUR MOVES

2 2 1 2

£50 PRIZE QUESTION Answer published in the July issue Only one of the sets of five letters below is an anagram of a five letter word in the English language. Find the word.

A C T I W H E C O L V C H O A G E O P N N E T A B F I L M E 0

Brainteasers: Answers

THE FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WE PICK WINS £50!* Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

1 3 1 3

ANSWER TO MAY’S PRIZE QUESTION

2 3 3 1

CHANNEL

2 1 1 2 X 2

AND THE £50 GOES TO… Linda Acaster, Leicester JUNE 2019 • 139

FUN & GAMES

Laugh!

Win £30 for every reader’s joke we publish!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk I DIDN’T REALISE WHY PEOPLE

needed DVD commentaries until I broke up with my girlfriend and wondered, Now who on earth is going to talk through the whole damn movie?

“No thanks. Jesus’s gonna walk on the water, feed everybody, heal them and get a whole bunch of disciples.

I’ll sit there with a rash and sand in my pants. Great day for me!”

COMEDIAN ROBIN WILLIANS

COMEDIAN AARON MICHAEL MARSH

LOTS OF WOMEN COMPLAIN I LIKE OLD DOGS. DOGS WITH STORIES and scars and a realistic

attitude. The kind of dog who, if you threw a stick for it would just go, “Great. Now neither of us have a stick.”

COMEDIAN GER STAUNTON JESUS WAS AN ONLY CHILD,

thank God. That’s a tough gig. “Come on, Jerry, we’re going to the beach.”

Panoramic Pups These owners must have instantly regretted using “panorama mode” to snap their doggies (via sadanduseless.com).

140 • JUNE 2019

about suffering with premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time a month that I can be myself.

COMEDIAN ROSANNE BARR

THE WHOLE REASON THAT I WATCH television shows is because

they end. If I wanted a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.

SEEN ONLINE

READER’S DIGEST

IN HIGH SCHOOL I WAS THE CLASS comedian as opposed to the

class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game and the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it. COMEDIAN BILLY CONNOLLY A MAN DECIDED TO ENTER A LOCAL paper’s pun contest. He sent

in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I RECENTLY WENT ON A DATE with a really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.

COMEDIAN DAVE ATTELL WHEN THEY HAVE FISHING SHOWS on television I’ve noticed

that they always catch the fish and then just let it go. They don’t even want to eat the fish. They just want to make it late for something.

COMEDIAN MITCH HEDBURG

SEEN ONLINE

MY EX-HUSBAND AND I DECIDED I WENT INTO A PET SHOP AND

asked, “Can I buy a goldfish?”

The guy said, “And do you want an aquarium?”

I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

COMEDIAN TIM VINE I WAS IN SAINSBURY’S THE OTHER

day and I saw a man and a woman stood together wrapped in a barcode.

I asked, “Are you two an item?”

SEEN ONLINE

to try couples’ therapy before our divorce. At the first session our therapist asked him to describe why he was first attracted to me.

He said, “When I first met Jenn she was like a dented can in a supermarket. You want to give it a home because nobody else is going to buy it.”

I sat there, horrified. I’d spent nine years letting this man buy my groceries?

COMEDIAN JENN WELCH

JUNE 2019 • 141

LAUGH

King For A Day

Twitter users share the laws they’d implement if they were left in charge of the world for a day… @im_ashan: “Pizza delivery guys would carry extra pizzas at all times so you could hail one like a taxi.” @LaGioconda1506: “Sirens and flashing lights would go off whenever someone tried to buy more than ten items in an express line.” @K8ePaisley: “Mega-stuffed oreo biscuits would be renamed ‘regular oreos’ and regular oreos would be renamed ‘diet oreos.’ ” @NateBradySteele: “Nissan would have to name their next car ‘The Liam Nissan.’ ” @TumblrTainted: “I would fly all cold and flu patients out to Las Vegas, because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”

THE LETTER “B” IN THE WORD “subtle”

really gets it.

SEEN ON TWITTER

A TRAFFIC OFFICER IS PARKED by the motorway keeping an eye out for wrongdoers.

He was gobsmacked as a female driver went past quite unconcerned and happily knitting away.

He quickly went into high gear and pursued her. Pulling alongside her he waved and shouted, “Pull over”.

The woman gave him a strange look and shouted back, “No, it’s woolly socks.”

JOSEPH STOKOE, D u r h a m

I’VE HEARD THAT MORE AND MORE DOCTORS are prescribing medical

marijuana to arthritis sufferers. Which makes sense. The definition of arthritis is “inflammation of the joints”.

SEEN ON TUMBLR

I CUT OFF A GUY IN TRAFFIC THE OTHER

day and he shouted out, “Hey, you drive like Stevie Wonder!”

I yelled back, “Hey screw you buddy, where else am I supposed to play this piano?”

COMEDIAN TIM ROSS

I USED TO BE ADDICTED TO swimming

but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

COMEDIAN ALFIE MOORE CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: 1 Applaud, 5 Pastor, 9 Advantage, 10 Undue, 11 Mats, 12 Dumpling, 15 Sultana, 16 Israel, 17 Tic, 19 Twilit, 21 Easiest, 24 Haymaker, 25 Etna, 28 Drive, 29 Rembrandt, 30 Beat up, 31 Shortly.

Down: 1 Alarmist, 2 Pivotal, 3 Anna, 4 Dean, 5 Prejudiced, 6 Sculptress, 7 Old-time, 8 Reign, 13 Parliament, 14 Rattletrap, 18 Stealthy, 20 Wayside, 22 Extinct, 23 Shady, 26 Xmas, 27 Trio.

142 • JUNE 2019

60 Stand-Up -Second

We laugh with the refreshingly funny Gyles Brandreth

WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT SHOW? Some people say

WHAT’S YOUR MOST MEMORABLE HECKLE? Sometimes in shows I do

it’s the interval because they can get a drink. Other people seem to love it all, especially a bit I do with June Whitfield.

Just before she died last year we recorded a song together and we perform that song on the show, she’s on the radio and I’m live on the stage— it’s quite touching. She was 93 when she recorded it and I first heard her on the radio when I was a boy. Essentially it’s a comedy show with lots of funny stories about actors old and new.

Q&As, and once somebody got up at the back and said, “You haven’t mentioned fish once, what about the fish?” I asked what he meant and he replied, “I came hoping to learn how to de-bone a trout and I’ve learned nothing on fish.” He’d booked what he’d thought was to come and see Rick Stein after seeing a poster for my show!

WHO INSPIRES YOUR COMEDY? The

radio comedians of the 1950s. My role model is Nicholas Parsons. He’s 95 and the host of a radio programme I do called Just A Minute which he has been hosting for more than 50 years—he’s totally on top of his game.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUNNY TALES ABOUT A TIME YOU BOMBED ON STAGE? When I was young, I wasn’t

very good. I played Hamlet and the audience threw eggs at me. I went on as Hamlet and came off as omelette.

WHICH SUPER POWER WOULD YOU HAVE? I think I would like to be able

to fly because the traffic is a terrible problem, and then I could always play Peter Pan. DO YOU FIND ANY PARTS OF THE COUNTRY TO BE FUNNIER THAN OTHERS? Interestingly, no. So long

as you know where you are you’re alright. It does not do to say, “Hello Sunderland,” when you’re actually in Southampton. n Break A Leg! is on tour across the UK until July 28. For tickets and more information go to gylesbrandreth.net

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/INSPIRE/HUMOUR

JUNE 2019 • 143

LAUGH

Beat the Cartoonist!

In the July Issue

Interview: Danny Boyle

The legendary director talks Brexit, the Beatles and the importance of following his instincts

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-May. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50.

April’s Winner Our cartoonist came close to another month of glory, coming in second with his caption, “I warned the committee about hacking off the local council.” Taking the top spot however, is our reader David Harker who persuaded the majority of our readers to vote for his witty caption, “Terry’s attempt at upscaling mini-golf was proving problematic.”

Many congratulations David!

144 • JUNE 2019

CARTOONST: RUSSEL HERN EMA N / STEVE JONES

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/fun-games by May 7. We’ll announce the winner in our July issue.

I Remember: Gene Simmons The rock ‘n’ roll legend and lead singer of KISS looks back on his life

Plus A SUMMER HOLIDAY… TO SPACE? Tamara Hinson explores the final frontier of summer holidays— space travel

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