Reader's Digest UK Jul 2019

The Final Frontier Of Galactic Travel TOURISM

Danny Boyle

Gene Simmons 69 Years Of The Rock Legend CULTURE ON THE BEATLES AND BRITISHNESS

Features

16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

Olly Mann faces the dilemma of selling his dad’s beloved Mercedes convertible

ENTERTAINMENT

20 INTERVIEW: DANNY BOYLE

The Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionaire director on his love of the Beatles

30 “I REMEMBER”: GENE SIMMONS

The infamous Kiss frontman looks back on his childhood and finding the love of his life

HEALTH

38 LIVER DISEASE

Three real-life stories of liver disease survivors and what you can do to avoid it

INSPIRE

58 BEST OF BRITISH: OUTDOOR CINEMA

The best places in Britain to watch your favourite film under the stars

68 A TRUCE ON TRUE CRIME?

What lies behind our morbid fascination with serial killers?

76 SPACE TRAVEL

How long before we can sip on a Margarita on Mars or the Moon instead of Tenerife?

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE

84 CASPIAN MYSTIQUE

Delve into the wonderfully diverse culture of Azerbaijan

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In This Issue…

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been transfixed by true crime. I read Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood when I was just 14 and can still remember flipping through the pages as fast as I could, at once repulsed and fascinated by the grisly details of the case. And yet, throughout my life, I’ve shied away from horror films, shut my eyes tight for the grislier scenes in Game of Thrones, and spent many a sleepless night tossing and turning as ghost stories replayed in my mind. So what is it about true crime— series like Making A Murderer, which was watched by 19.3 million Netflix viewers just 35 days after its release—that captivates me? On p68, Jessica Summers quizzes psychlologists and true crime experts to discover why we’re so engrossed by the very worst sides of humanity.

If you’re yet to plan your summer escape but the sound of Gran Canaria’s golden dunes or the romantic towns of Positano leaves you underwhelmed, consider Baku, Azerbaijan. The capital of an ex-Soviet Muslim country, this “mini Dubai” offers an exhilarating marriage of starkly different cultures, a mixture of tradition and modernism, with sumptuous cuisine thrown in for good measure. Read our account on p84. Fancy venturing somewhere even more out of this world though? Soon you might be able to quite literally, as on p76 we ponder the impending possibility of space tourism. With rapid advancements in aerospace technology and billionaires like Elon Musk and Richard Branson joining the space race, the notion of holidaying on the Moon is far from unthinkable.

Anna Eva

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Over To You

LETTERS ON THE MAY ISSUE

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

The May issue was the first I’ve read for many years and reminded me what an interesting, informative and entertaining magazine Reader’s Digest is.

I bought this issue because of the article on prostate cancer, since my husband successfully underwent a prostatectomy last summer. I’m pleased the article mentioned all the options now available, as well as innovative focal therapy. If nationwide screening isn’t currently offered through PSA counts, there must be an alternative method of detecting tumours before it’s too late.

a manual examination detected a lump and he was referred to our nearest hospital. It was serious, and in the end he opted for the roboticassisted prostatectomy without hesitation. He’s in his mid-sixties and we could cope with side effects in the knowledge that the cancer would have gone.

One of the most important points made by Professor Emberton is that we’re moving to a world “in which you tailor the treatment to the individual.” My husband had no obvious symptoms and was lucky enough to have been given a routine blood test several years ago. When his PSA count shot up,

He is one of the lucky survivors, and all because his PSA count was monitored. Yet, had he not opted for the full operation when it reached a certain point, it could have been a different outcome. We found out afterwards that he’d made the right decision, as the tumour was more aggressive than they’d expected. He’s now fit and well recovered, and the ongoing erectile recovery is a small price to pay for more time together after 40-plus years of marriage.

We are so thankful that he received that very first routine blood test!

Rosemary Gemme, West Lothian

A BONNIE LASS

I laughed when Bonnie Tyler said she had never been in fashion, it just shows how unspoiled she is by fame and good fortune. Her marvellous Welshness is very appealing and her decision to protect her family from the glare of the tabloids is so refreshing in a profession steeped in vanity and presumption. Her new album is number one on my priority list.

Phillippa Sampson, Devon

PEACE OF MIND

I thoroughly endorse the encouraging article on resilience. How many of us crave immediate answers in today’s “instant” society? It was refreshing to read because there’s no quick fix pill to attain this hugely invaluable mind set.

It takes repeated determined effort and time but the rewards really are worth it.

Karen Taylor, Devon

FROM HOSTAGE TO HERO

After reading the Terry Waite article I couldn’t help but think what an amazing and inspiring man he is.

I remember a little of the events surrounding his capture and subsequent imprisonment, and it would have been very easy for the interviewer to concentrate on those events rather than the man himself, which is arguably the more important part.

Terry’s fortitude and humanity shines through, as does his gentle dignity and the calm acceptance of the truly terrifying situation in which he found himself.

The effort required to remain mentally alert throughout his captivity must have been monumental, and yet he saw it through with a quiet determination and a steadfast inner-strength. I feel we could all stand to learn something from him. Amazingly, he appears to have little bitterness towards his captors.

What an incredible man.

Gary Godderidge, Coventry

We Want To Hear From You

NEW MONTHLY PODCAST DIGESTED

Each month Reader’s Digest navigate the woes and wonders of modern life, weighing in with leading experts on the everyday tools we need to survive and thrive in 2019.

To subscribe to Digested for monthly episodes—including our latest, “How To Sleep Well”—visit readersdigest.co.uk/podcast or search “Digested” on iTunes.

Photos: © tosh IFUMI KI t AMURA/AFP/Getty I MAG es

…differently

Flying penguins? Where on earth can you find something like that? In Japan!

In reality this is of course an optical illusion. Tokyo’s rooftop Sunshine Aquarium enables these African penguins to swim to an altitude of 130ft without ever having to leave the water! Visitors walking beneath the tank are treated to the spectacle of these tuxedoed—and otherwise flightless— birds winging right above their heads.

Changing Gear

This month Olly Mann inherits a family heirloom, and learns a lesson in letting go

Iown a sports car. If you knew me, this might strike you as unlikely. Yet I do. It’s a 2004 SLK350, and I inherited it from my father when he died—suddenly and unexpectedly—in February. So, by the time we were properly dismantling his estate it was summer, and, among the sadness and tedium of closing down his bank accounts, chucking away his cosmetics and donating his shoes to the charity shop, it was a real treat to take his car out for a spin, the roof down and the wind blowing through my hair.

I’d never even been in this car before, I guess because it’s a twoseater. Whenever Dad drove me

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

somewhere, he’d bring the whole family along, so we always went in his Land Rover. But as I finally climbed into his Mercedes, settled into its heated leather seats, flicked on the radio (preset to Smooth) and opened the glove box (full of disposable contact lenses and toothpicks), I felt Dad was with me. I decided, right then, that I couldn’t sell it.

But that was three years ago. Some harsh realities have since come to light. Firstly, the roof leaks. This means that driving it in winter (or autumn, or spring, or any time of year when it might rain, ie, yearround in this country) has a sting in the tail. Hang a left, and you’re rewarded with a little spritz of mouldy water on your cheek, or, worse, on the lens of your specs. I’d experienced similar circumstances with a convertible in the past, but that was a soft-top, and a cheap one at that—my Citroën Pluriel, a car so

shonky that to remove the roof you actually had to take apart the car and leave the sides at home. I hadn’t anticipated this issue would afflict Dad’s much classier motor, with its folding steel hardtop, which magically merges into the boot at the touch of a button. But, it leaks. And we don’t have a garage. Secondly, if I don’t drive it at least once a week, the battery dies. I appreciate that getting behind the wheel of a 3.4cc sports car on a weekly basis may not seem an insurmountable burden, but because it isn’t suitable for transporting our toddler (car seats/air bags/boot space, blah), Dad’s Merc cannot be designated our primary family vehicle; and, since both my wife and I drive to work, live far from public transport, and take turns to deliver our son to nursery, it can’t even function as a satisfactory second set of wheels. So, it’s our third car. What luxury, owning a third car! But, by definition, how entirely gratuitous. I feel almost guilty owning it. And it’s kind of a pain, juggling the cars on our tiny driveway. Some weeks I don’t get round to it, and then the battery dies.

16,000 miles and it drove like new. I’ve only clocked up a few thousand more miles, but five years have passed and I’ve never serviced it, apart from its annual MOT. So, I’m going to have to bite the bullet and take it for a service this autumn, and it’s bound to need something expensive done to it—something I can’t quibble about because I know next to nothing about cars. If, let’s say, that generates a bill for £700, and one then spreads that cost out over the, say, 50 times each year I actually drive the thing… that’s an extra £14, each time I start the engine. And that’s on top of insurance, and petrol, and paying the man from the garage 20 quid to zap the battery each time it runs flat because I’m, um, scared of sparks.

It’s not exactly cutting-edge, either. I mean it was a very, very cool car when it was designed in 1991, but

“Why couldn’t Dad have had a more acute and ambitious mid-life crisis and got himself a bright yellow stripy Lambo?”

some of its features are eclipsed by even the most humdrum run-arounds on the market today. It doesn’t have a DAB radio, for instance, or a USB port, or a Bluetooth connection (although it does boast a hilarious built-in Nokia handset). The clunky sat-nav operates via CD. CD! Plus: it’s silver. A silver SLK. A middle-aged car,

for sure. I feel too young to be driving it. Why couldn’t Dad have had a more acute and ambitious mid-life crisis, and got himself a bright yellow stripy Lambo, which he would have looked far too old to drive? I’d have looked perfect in that! Sigh.

I’ve decided: I’m going to sell it. Probably this autumn, before I have to get that service (after all, I don’t want to give it up in the summer, the one time of year a convertible is practical). But I’ll miss it, this little piece of my father’s legacy; this fun, leaky, zippy, stylish roadster which I, briefly, improbably, called my own.

Auf Wiedersehen, Merc. You were part of the family. n

ROYALLY GOOD FACTS

Did you know any of these pieces of royal family trivia?

King Charles II fathered no legitimate heirs during his time on the throne. Because Princess Diana was directly descended from Charles II via his illegitimate children, upon his coronation Prince William will become the first descendant of Charles II to sit on the throne.

Queen Elizabeth II often travels with a personal supply of blood. No, she hasn’t turned vampire—this is to ensure that wherever she goes, there will be a ready supply for a transfusion, should the worst occur.

Prince Charles likes his mornings ordered—as such, according to the documentary Serving the Royals: Inside the Firm, his pyjamas are pressed every morning, his shoe laces are flattened with an iron, and he has his valets squeeze exactly one inch of toothpaste onto his toothbrush.

Upon the birth of his son, Prince Philip—who was busy playing squash during the birth itself—reportedly exclaimed, “He looks like a plum pudding!”

SOURCE: OPRAHMAG.COM

Danny Boyle:

“I Still Have Great Faith In People”

by Anna Walker

Academy Award-winning director Danny Boyle talks to us about the Olympic Opening Ceremony, The Beatles, and his new film, Yesterday

It’s 1964. Danny Boyle is eight years old and through the floorboards of his childhood home in Lancashire, he can hear his parents listening to Beatles records. He should be sleeping, but he’s awake pretending to be John Lennon. His twin sister, Maria, is Paul McCartney and his younger sister, Bernadette, is George. Or Ringo. Or maybe both at once. They didn’t really care. All they knew was that The Beatles were cool.

Danny, now 62, tells me this story gleefully, propelling berries from a neatly laid fruit platter into his mouth as he does so. We’re sat in London’s elegant Soho Hotel, but despite being

one of Hollywood’s heavyweights— the Academy Award-winning director of Trainspotting, Slumdog Millionaire and 127 Hours—Danny isn’t one for ceremony. Throughout the interview he offers me food, asks me about myself with genuine interest and before we begin I hear him quietly turn down the offer of a taxi home, insisting that he’d prefer to take the tube (he’s lived in Mile End for nearly 40 years). There’s something PeterPan-esque about him—a boyish quality, that assures you those days of miming to Beatles records don’t feel so distant.

With his memories of the Fab

Ewan Bremner, Ewan McGregor and Robert Carlyle in Trainspotting; (Right) Dev Patel and Freida Pinto in Slumdog Millionaire

THERE’S NO OTHER ARTFORM, THERE’S NOTHING ELSE IN LIFE, THAT ALLOWS YOU TO STOP TIME

Four taking root from such a young age, the concept of his latest film, Yesterday—which was written by romcom titan Richard Curtis—is most likely one Danny himself finds hard to fathom. Struggling singer-songwriter Jack Malik (Himesh Patel) awakes from a cycling accident to find he is the only person in the world who

remembers The Beatles. And once he grows accustomed to this bizarre new reality, he realises that means that their entire back catalogue is now his for the taking…

“I’m not claiming this happens every time, but sometimes you get a script and you just go, ‘I’ll do it,’”

Danny

explains. “If you always have that as your starting point—and I’ve been lucky and had it a number of times—it’s a beautiful way to begin. There’s that old saying, ‘jump and the net will appear’ and I’ve always believed in that. If you’re lucky enough to work in the creative industries then it’s especially true because there’s something about that leap that’s good for the imagination. You should trust that the imaginative powers of what you’re responding to will—two years later— speak to [your audience] in the same way.”

The director is poetic yet practical when talking about his medium. One minute he will utter something beautiful—“what’s so extraordinary about cinema is that it interferes with time, it’s a timeline fracture. There’s no other artform, there’s nothing else in life that allows you to stop time”—and the next he’s all logistics, talking marketing strategy and the extortionate amount Sony charges for use of Beatles tracks.

He cringes a little when I ask if he’d consider Yesterday his first foray into a purely rom-com genre.

“After we made Trainspotting, we decided that we could do anything,

and started to get that cockiness. We said yeah, we’re going to make a rom-com. We’re going to make it with Ewan McGregor—because he was in Trainspotting and Shallow Grave—and we’re going to put him with the biggest star in the world, which at the time was Cameron Diaz. That was a film called A Life Less Ordinary. We shot it in Utah, and I remember when I came back home after shooting, I got sent this script called Notting Hill. I read it over Christmas, and I remember thinking—and this is the God’s honest truth—Now that’s a rom-com.

I don’t know what we’ve made, but that is a proper rom-com. I thought it was brilliant. So, I suppose this is my first rom-com in a way,” he explains, allowing himself a selfdeprecating chuckle.

“Richard Curtis is very underestimated as a writer. Because he works in romance and comedy, he’s not ascribed the status that writers who work in other genres are. But he’s Britain’s poet laureate of romantic comedy. Just look at the body of work, look at Blackadder. It’s phenomenal writing.”

There’s something fascinating about the endurance of The Beatles’ popularity—a fascination that clearly gripped Richard in writing and Danny in directing—the way their music is sewn into the fabric of British culture. For anybody born

after the 1960s, it’s impossible to imagine a life without the soundtrack of their music. “All You Need is Love” at weddings, “Blackbird” at funerals, and “Yellow Submarine” at countless children’s birthday parties.

“And where does that come from? Where does that begin?” Danny wonders, his dark eyes widening. “I have this theory that we have a cultural DNA. We haven’t discovered it yet and scientists will scoff, but I think there is a cultural DNA within us and if you live in Britain for long enough you pick it up. My kids will start singing Cockney Rebel and I’ll ask, ‘Where do you know their songs from? That song is 45 years old! You weren’t alive, you weren’t even dreamt of when that song was out,’” he laughs, shaking his head.

MUSIC IS THE GREAT ARTFORM OF THE LESS PRIVILEGED

When it comes to his own favourite Beatles track, Danny doesn’t hesitate before answering, “Hello, Goodbye.”

“My favourite of their albums is that second half of Abbey Road, where they mix all those songs. I’ve never heard anything else like it, where the joy comes out of the mixture. The sense of joy [on that album] didn’t come out of elation, because some of the songs aren’t elated at all, but it came out of that mixture of songs: some heavy, some sad, some joyous,

Himesh Patel with Lily James in Yesterday

“The first time I met Ed Sheeran, he didn’t know who I was—it was very funny”

some silly. I realised that that’s what I like to do in a film—I mix ingredients as much as possible.”

It’s that mixture that makes Yesterday so special. As with any Richard Curtis script, there are plenty of laughs but also romance, sadness, struggle. And the moments of joy do often come from unexpected places, and an unexpected cast. Taking the lead role is Hollywoodnewcomer Himesh Patel, previously of EastEnders fame, and Danny knew from the moment of his audition that he was the man for the job.

“We saw people who could play better than Himesh, but his voice, has something about it which I still can’t quite put a finger on. When he played in his audition, it was like being reintroduced to the songs. ‘Yesterday’ is a song I know so well, and yet every time he plays it it’s like hearing it anew. There’s a moment in casting that you get occasionally where you go, ‘that’s her’ or ‘that’s him’ and even though all the other factors tell you no—perhaps the studio wants someone more famous—you just know that’s the person.”

Perhaps another unexpected choice was the decision to cast singer Ed Sheeran, who had previously dabbled with acting through a Game of Thrones cameo, but had never taken on a role of this muster.

“The first time I met Ed, he didn’t really know who I was—it was very funny. He was sat opposite me and I

could see that he had his phone open under the table, and he was googling me,” Danny laughs heartily. “But given that he’s the biggest pop-star in the world, he’s very genuine. I’d seen him acting other things when he wasn’t great. I thought that was because nobody’s helped him. He’d been left exposed and I could see that.”

It’s been widely reported that as a young man Danny intended to become a Catholic priest, before a wise teacher steered him to a different path. But with music playing such a huge role in so many of his projects, I wonder aloud if he ever had musical ambitions of his own.

“I played in a school band rather badly. It was run by a tyrant called Father Jock McGovin. He’d say, ‘stop playing’, and then ‘just the brass’, and

then ‘just the euphoniums’, and then he’d go, ‘Boyle, you play on your own’. And I was terrible. But I love music and I compensate for how bad I am at it by my devotion to it.” He lists David Bowie, Led Zeppelin and punk as defining musical influences.

“The most important part of culture, arguably, is music. It binds us in a way that almost nothing else does. It’s primitive, you’re overtaken by it. Popular music released a stratum of the population who really had no access to culture. And it created a voice for the disenfranchised, for the poor, because music is something you can pick up without high education or wealth and you can speak through it. I mean you look at The Beatles, they’re just four ordinary guys. Music is the great art form of the less privileged.”

Answers from Danny tend to take

Scenes from Boyle’s 2012 London Olympic Games Opening Ceremony

this turn. They begin breezily, but quickly descend into deeper musings. He’s easy company, but he’s also quite clearly a philosopher. A trait that ekes out again when I ask if his perception of Britain has changed since his orchestration of the muchlauded London Olympic Opening Ceremony back in 2012. A ceremony that incidentally won the director a knighthood, though he turned it down, claiming it wasn’t his “cup of tea.”

“I don’t subscribe to the fact that this is a different country now,” he answers, decisively. “What has happened is that politicians, for whatever reason, have chosen to emphasise something that has the potential to divide us. And they haven’t covered themselves in glory in doing that.”

He draws out the “o” in glory, that Mancunian accent satisfyingly inplace despite years of working in Hollywood.

“I still have great faith in people. We’re not that different really. We like to think [that Brits] have more of

a sense of humour, or we’re better at music but [the ceremony was] really celebrating the potential of people, and a belief in people. You have to sustain that belief even though it’s often challenged by weak or duplicitous politicians. I wouldn’t make a very different ceremony now.”

Another thing the ceremony celebrated was our collective memories of Britain. It’s a theme that runs through much of Danny’s work, whether that’s the world forgetting The Beatles, Jamal remembering all the right answers in Slumdog Millionaire or an auctioneer with amnesia in Trance.

I WOULDN’T MAKE A VERY DIFFERENT OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONY NOW ROAD RAGE

“It’s how we hang on to our sense of self I think, memory. But memories are not that important to you in your early adulthood, I watch my kids who don’t keep photographs or cards and think, Don’t throw that away, in 30 years that memory will mean so much to you! And you wonder, what did I throw away?” n

Yesterday is in cinemas from June 28

Fans were so relentless in their ploys to steal “Penny Lane” street signs in Liverpool that the council eventually resorted to painting the name of the road directly onto the surrounding buildings.

SOURCE: WHATSONSTAGE.COM

INVESTMENT DIVERSIFICATION

BONDS ARE YOUR INSURANCE AGAINST ECONOMIC PROBLEMS

Guy Myles is CEO of pension and investment firm Flying Colours. If you have a question for Guy email pensionsguy@ flyingcolourswealth.com he’s happy to answer your questions.

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EMAIL: pensionsguy@flyingcolourslife.com

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Richard, Warwick asks:

We are about to retire and want to get the most from our investment, should we hold bonds in our portfolio and if not, what alternative would you suggest?

Guy says:

Most of us can remember a time when bonds were very attractive. The return is guaranteed if the bond is issued by the Government and in the early 1990’s this guaranteed return rose briefly to 16% a year. Of course, inflation was very high at that time, but this was still a great return. The same bonds today would give you only 1.5% a year which, for most people, is less than they need to live and is therefore unacceptable.

How did we get from the heady days of the early 1990s to today? Firstly, inflation was contained by aggressive central bank action, which brought yields to around 5%. As a bond investor you could still get a reasonable return without taking risk. The next big change was the hangover from the credit crunch, which saw income yields fall to where they are today. The economy stopped responding to traditional monetary stimulus and Quantitative Easing had to be introduced contributing to a collapse in income levels. Bond prices are set in the market and even though the amount of income you get is fixed the price can fluctuate. The biggest factor in this is investors’ expectations for future inflation and interest rates. If interest rates are expected to rise the price of the bond would fall and vice versa. The more rates

rise the larger that fall would be.

Looked at in isolation, bonds might appear to be a poor investment. You get all the interest rate risk for returns that aren’t much better than cash savings accounts.

Gaining the highest return isn’t the goal of all investors. Rather it is to get the return they require to achieve their financial goals with a level of risk that is suitable for their risk profile. This means that investors wish to reduce the potential for losses.

Reducing the level of risk in your portfolio isn’t just about holding lots of investments and hoping for the best. A portfolio holding of only shares and property might find everything falling together and the diversification offering little protection. Ideally you would like one part of your portfolio with the potential to rise when everything else is falling.

There are two choices that could do this. The first is absolute return funds like hedge funds. In general, I don’t like these investments because they are expensive and often fail to provide the

kind of protection we are looking for. The only other option is Government bonds which for the UK are called Gilts. These have an excellent track record of rising at times of worry as people seek a safe haven and anticipate interest rates cuts. These bonds are your insurance against economic problems and are an excellent counterweight to the shares you might hold to help you make the return you need.

I believe the right portfolio should always have a decent holding in bonds for this reason. Finding yourself in the strongest position at the bottom of the next recession and bear market is very important. n

CONTACT INFORMATION

Ask Guy a question for free! We regularly receive questions from readers and are always happy to answer your questions. Readers Digest has partnered with independent financial advisers Flying Colours to provide you with financial lifestyle planning. Call on 0333 241 9919 or email info@flyingcolourslife.com

I REMEMBER… Gene Simmons

Rock legend, actor, one-time ladies’ man and TV personality Gene Simmons, 69, has sold more than 100 million albums as bassist and co-lead singer with the American band, Kiss

…MY FIRST KISS, AGED ABOUT 2. Some relative or neighbour came to our home in Israel, where I was born, wearing bright red lipstick, which I’d never seen before. There wasn’t a lot of infrastructure in the country, back them, so my mother, Flora, didn’t use much make-up.

I wound up dancing a jig on the coffee table and this woman squealed and kissed me. I was horrified. It affected my attitude to kissing for a while—until I stuck my tongue out for the first time and the earth stopped.

…BEING TERRIFIED BY SOMETHING HIDING IN MY HAT. We had to wear caps to keep out the sun at school, and one day, mine just wasn’t sitting right— because there was an enormous spider sitting underneath. I was scared of insects for years. Then, after Kiss formed, I found a black belt with a huge tarantula on the buckle. I must have worn it every day for more than a decade— it was a sort of confront-yourfears approach.

…BEING TAUGHT TO REALLY VALUE LIFE BY MY MOTHER. She died recently, aged 93, but had been in a concentration camp as a teenager, and to say her family was wiped out is too soft. They were tortured, starved and finally put into gas chambers. She didn’t talk about it, but it gave her a decidedly different world view.

My father abandoned us when I was about six and my mother had to work 12-hour days to provide for me, but she made sure I had a stand-up, be-proud attitude, and didn’t use drugs, smoke or drink. Being alive was too precious, she thought. You only get about 80 years—and you’re asleep for a third of that. And I have

yet to consciously get high, drunk or smoke cigarettes.

…MOVING TO THE US WAS A BORN-AGAIN MOMENT. My mother and I arrived in New York when I was eight. We had a hole in the ground for a toilet in Israel and didn’t even have a radio, but now I was in a place with cars, refrigerators and a flying man in a cape on TV. Anything seemed possible.

I couldn’t speak English and had to run the gauntlet of “What, are you stupid?” But this gave me a thick skin and, because I didn’t have many people to talk to, I was able to spend a lot of time day-dreaming. I’m now connected to my subconscious and

Kiss in London, May 1976

I know where I’ve been and I certainly know where I want to go. Having that clarity means you’re less stressed and more confident, which helps a lot in life.

…SMALL,

SKINNY ENGLISH PEOPLE WITH FUNNY HAIRCUTS CHANGED MY LIFE. When The Beatles first appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1964, I’d never encountered anything like it. The only British voices I’d heard were the posh ones Nazis had in black and white war films. When George spoke in a Scouse accent, I was transfixed. Even before I knew how to play an instrument, I started singing in bands. For at least a year, I went around with a fake accent, trying to persuade chicks I was English.

…MOVING FROM OFFICE JUNIOR TO ROCK STAR. After school, while I was getting bands together, I worked as an assistant at Vogue: a Man Friday who did everything the editor wanted me to do. The entire floor was covered with females. That didn’t hurt. The male of the species has the primordial urge to merge.

But by 1973, Kiss had formed after Paul Stanley [the band’s guitarist and other lead singer] and I had been a band

called Wicked Lester. Kiss’s first records weren’t big successes to begin with, but we were much more of a live band, and started selling 10,000-seat arenas very quickly.

We opened for a lot of British groups, such as Manfred Mann and Argent. But they would kick us off tours—for the simple reason that we blew them off the stage. We just let it all hang out. It was like scream therapy, this safe place where you could be your goddamn self.

…A TRIP TO WOOLWORTHS CREATED OUR IMAGE. In early 1973, we were rehearsing in a cockroach-infested loft in New York.

Gene with Brooke Shields, 1979

© ZUMA/SHUTTERSTOCK

We found ourselves taking a break and going down to Woolworths and buying clown make-up. We had no idea what we were doing—it was like kids playing with mud. But we always wore make-up on stage, after that.

…RIDING THE TSUNAMI OF SUCCESS MODESTLY. It wasn’t long before we were playing stadiums and millions and millions of dollars were getting thrown in our faces. All of a sudden, everyone was buying houses and cars. Except yours truly. I was paying $200 a month for an apartment and I had a female housemate— whom I never touched!—so she took

care of it. I didn’t buy a car or anything like that until I was 34. It’s the Jewish way. That’s why we created the international banking system.

…ROME STARTED FALLING FROM WITHIN. By 1979, we had been the Gallup poll number one group in America, three times in a row, sold millions of records and truckloads of merchandise. But, cliché of clichés, drugs and alcohol started to affect Ace [Frehley, guitarist] and Peter [Criss, drummer], and they eventually left the band. It felt like the end at the time, but we got new members and have had many different line-ups since. I’m sorry in my heart that Ace and Peter aren’t still playing with us, to enjoy the fruits of their labour. If you start something together, you’d like to think you can finish it together. When you’re first forming a group in your garage, you’re so excited. But being in a band is more arduous than a marriage—and it’s difficult enough to keep them going.

…MEETING MY WIFE, SHANNON, AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION.

I was filming a movie in

With his wife, Shannon Tweed

1984, called Runaway. Naturally, I was the bad guy. I had a weekend off and, since I was living with Diana Ross, at the time, I asked her permission to go to LA. I was seeing a Playboy playmate on the side and she’d told me about an event called Midsummer Night’s Dream at Hugh Hefner’s house.

“There will be 300 playmates, scantily clad, and about 100 guys— movie producers, celebrities…” she said, and asked if I wanted to come. I said “OK!”

Shannon [a model and actress] was there with not very much on. She is six feet tall. With the heels and big hair, it was a sight. We had a connection and I phoned Diana and told her what had happened. We

talked it through and there’s no bad blood, to this day. Shannon and I have been together ever since.

…CRYING WHEN MY SON, NICK, WAS BORN. As an only child, I hadn’t really opened up to anybody. Other kids used to call me Spock. I suppose when my father left, I shut down emotionally. But when Nick arrived, I just broke down. The tears wouldn’t stop. I was shaking. I believe, at that moment, I finally got over myself. It had always been about me. “I’m hungry!”, “I’ve got a papercut!” Then, suddenly, here was a new life to focus on, instead.

…I USED ROCK TO STOP KIDS TAKING DRUGS, WHEN I WAS

FILMING ROCK SCHOOL [2005 CHANNEL 4 DOCUMENTARY].

They lived in Lowestoft, Suffolk, and didn’t have much to do, but I got them to form a band and have something to care about. You could see the lights go on in their young eyes and hearts. In the end, we flew them to California to open for Judas Priest at Long Beach Arena, playing their own song. I just love children and want to help them—what can I say?

…CRYING AGAIN, WHEN I

VISITED ZAMBIA. I had been sponsoring several African kids anonymously for years, through ChildFund International. But, in

2012, the makers of my Gene Simmons Family Jewels [reality] programme, arranged for me to meet one of them, Joseph, now a young man with a partner and baby, in his home village. People there lived in huts made of cow dung and most of the men had got the women pregnant, then left, partly because there are so few jobs in poor places like that. But Joseph was still there. The smile of love on his partner’s face when he cradled the child really struck me.

…GETTING UP ON STAGE WITH KISS ON THIS TOUR AND FEELING UNBELIEVABLE. This has been one of the highlights of my career. I’ve

seen audiences of all ages wearing our make-up. We have fun. We’re just f****** alive.

…THAT ALL THE CORNY THINGS YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU ABOUT HAVING CHILDREN ARE TRUE. You can buy most things, but not the feeling they bring. Nick and my daughter, Sophie, are 30 and 27, share a house, pay the mortgage and work in the music industry, but they still go out to the movies or a restaurant with Shannon and me, every other day. I’m proud of them, not for the profession they’re in, but because they’ve made their own life choices and take responsibility for them.

…I’M THE MOST BLESSED HUMAN BEING. I’m a partner in a restaurant chain, I’ve got a film company, a soda in 7 Eleven and much more. People might say I don’t need to work, but that’s a loser’s phrase. Working shouldn’t be about money, but the love of labour. Stop watching re-runs of Coronation Street , get out there and pump that heart. n

As told to Simon Hemelryk

an Epidemic Surviving

Liver disease is skyrocketing across Europe—and it’s not only due to alcohol. Here are three real-life stories

by Lina Zeldovich

Lasse Berget was always tired, but he didn't know why

Lasse Berget was 43 years old and weighed 28st. A security guard from Filtvet, a seaside village in Norway, he had a big appetite. He could eat eight cheese and salami sandwiches for breakfast, several hamburgers for lunch and plates of pasta or pizza for supper. Steadily gaining weight since his twenties, he felt progressively more tired and suffered increasing aches and pains.

Finally, after being nearly bedridden, he asked his doctor for a checkup. A blood test showed high levels of fat in his blood and an ultrasound scan revealed non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, or NAFLD, in which fat deposits form within the organ.

When Lasse researched his diagnosis, he was scared. “I realised quickly that the disease can be deadly,” he says. If neglected, it can lead to a lethal liver-disease stage or cancer.

Nearly one in four people in Europe has NAFLD, according to a paper published in the Journal of Hepatology in September 2018. Linked to obesity and diabetes, it’s a lifestyle disease born of carbohydrate overload and lack of exercise. “If you’re burning fewer calories than you’re eating, your body starts storing fat, and many people have a genetic predisposition to store it in the liver,” says Dr Ashley Barnabas, a hepatologist at King’s

College Hospital NHS Foundation Trust in London.

According to a 2018 study, Europe has the highest rates of liver disease in the world. Besides NAFLD, other contributing factors are alcohol overuse, medication overuse and infectious hepatitis—a liver inflammation caused by viruses. Overall, 29 million people in the European Union have a chronic liver condition. Every year about 47,000 people in the EU die from liver cancer and across Europe 170,000 die from cirrhosis—the breakdown of the organ caused by scar tissue from longterm disease or alcohol abuse— which covers the main causes.

Unfortunately, the early stages of liver disease produce no symptoms. Some NAFLD patients may feel tired or nauseous, but many don’t, and their condition can only be diagnosed by checking liver enzymes on a blood test, or an ultrasound or another imaging test. Currently,

no public health policies in Europe prescribe an annual liver health check, so unless patients complain, doctors don’t routinely screen for liver disease.

“You can have [liver disease] for many years and not know it—often there are no symptoms until the liver breaks down,” says Dr Tom Hemming Karlsen, PhD, at the University of Oslo who serves as secretary general for the European Association for the Study of the Liver.

UNLIKE MANY OTHER ORGANS, THE LIVER HAS THE ABILITY TO REGENERATE ITSELF

When that happens, your body falls apart quickly because without the liver, other organs can’t function. People often underestimate how important this organ is. “The liver is a master regulator,” notes Dr Rajiv Jalan, PhD, a hepatologist at University College London. It supplies bile to break down fat during digestion and stores energy, releasing it as glucose. It produces proteins involved in metabolism and blood coagulation. It acts as a “cleaning plant” which filters out toxins; and regulates the immune function, separating and removing bacteria from the bloodstream.

Overall, the liver performs more than 500 different tasks—a feat that’s hard to replicate.

That’s why medics have no replacements for failing livers. Dr Jalan’s team is working on creating a bioartifical liver device called DIALIVE, but it’s not yet available. And while maladies such as stroke afflict people over 65, failed livers tend to kill at a younger age.

Another culprit is glucose-fructose syrup, a common sweetener found in processed foods including many cereals, snacks and juices. Unlike fruits, which contain limited amounts of fructose and thus are metabolised slowly, glucose-fructose syrup “puts more sugar much more quickly into your system,” says Dr Barnabas—so the liver regularly stores it as fat.

Lasse Berget was duly concerned about his diagnosis. While NAFLD is not immediately life threatening, over time it can progress into a disease called non-Alcoholic SteatoHepatitis or NASH, which can cause liver failure and death. Because of liver cell deterioration, NAFLD can also lead to hepatocellular carcinoma, a common liver cancer. There’s no set time it takes for NAFLD to develop into NASH and further into cirrhosis, and many people with NAFLD never do develop cirrhosis. When they do, a transplant is the only cure— and the number of NASH-related

transplants in Europe is going up, Professor Karlsen says.

Pharmaceutical companies in Europe are working with researchers to develop drugs for NAFLD and expect some to arrive on the market around 2020. But the good news is that many patients don’t even need them. Unlike other organs, the liver has a remarkable ability to regenerate itself, and as long as NAFLD has not progressed into NASH, it is reversible. A multiuniversity study by researchers in Sweden, Finland and the United States in 2018 found that reducing carbs consumption for just two weeks reduced NAFLD significantly.

The Other Major Culprit: Alcohol Overuse

On December 3, 2014, when his hometown Stoke-on-Trent in Staffordshire, England, was settling into the Christmas mood, Richard Allen was vomiting blood. He and his wife called an ambulance. The doctors told him he had liver cirrhosis—bands of scar tissue so thick his liver grew benign tumors. Cirrhosis can increase blood pressure in the portal vein that connects the liver with the intestines and other organs, creating smaller blood vessels in the stomach that can burst and then cause internal bleeding.

Richard knew that alcohol was to blame. Whenever his depression

After he gave up alcohol for six months, Richard had a transplant. He now helps spread the word about liver disease

struck, and the medications stopped working, the now 66-year-old retired security specialist reached for the bottle. “Every three to four weeks, I was drinking for three to four days,” he says. As liver cells try to metabolise an overload of alcohol they die out, leading to inflammation and scar tissue formation, or fibrosis, and cirrhosis.

Doctors removed two of Richard’s largest tumors but told him he would need a liver transplant. Some patients wait for a donor match for years—and die before they get it. But Richard was lucky. On October 1, 2016, he received his new liver at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham, after a five-hour surgery—and went home nine days later.

The prerequisite for the transplant was abstaining from alcohol for six months before surgery—to prove you were worthy of this gift of life, which otherwise could have been given to someone else. Richard was fully compliant. He gave up drinking, traced his low self-esteem issues to his childhood—and better manages his bouts of depression. “It was a form of rebirth,” he says. “I wrote a letter to the donor family thanking them for this gift.” He also began volunteering with the British Liver Trust, a charity that works to increase awareness about the skyrocketing liver disease rates in his country.

Since the 1970s, the UK’s deaths from liver disease have jumped 400 per cent, spiking nearly fivefold for those under the age of 65. This amounts to 300,000 hospital admissions and 10,000 deaths a year.

In Europe, alcohol takes a commanding seat in the list of liver offenders. Europeans drink the largest amount of alcohol in the world. “Alcohol is so blended into the identity of so many European countries,” Professor Karlsen says, “that it’s even more challenging to battle than tobacco.”

Occasional over-indulging is less damaging than regular continuous drinking because liver cells have time to regenerate. But not all heavy drinkers develop liver disease, while some people who rarely drink might, and there’s no way to know who will.

Common Drugs Can Affect the Liver, Too

Francisco Cantos Pérez thought nothing of the nip he got from a playful little dog, but not long after he developed a fungal infection that spread over his hand. The doctor prescribed two Lamisil, a common anti-fungal medication, every 12 hours.

After ten days Francisco, an active 36-year old who lives in Malaga, Spain with his family, began feeling

Francisco was hospitalised when his liver was badly damaged by an excess of a prescription drug

slow and tired. Within two weeks his urine turned dark and his stool almost white. When his skin and eyes turned yellow and he began to itch, he drove to Hospital Universitario

PHOTO COURTESY OF FRANCISCO CANTOS PÉREZ

Today Lasse eats well and exercises regularly. "I got my health and my joy back"

Virgen de la Victoria. Francisco had a high level of bilirubin, the brownishyellow compound the liver secretes into bile, and cholesterol, which the liver also makes. The doctors said he had a reaction to his medicine— probably because the dose was twice the typically recommended amount. He stayed in hospital for two weeks, until his urine colour returned to normal. His skin took over a month to lose its yellow hue and his eyes took about four months.

Generally, such extreme reactions to approved drugs are rare, says Dr Raul J Andrade, PhD, at the University of Malaga, who runs the European liver toxicity registry. (Liver injury from Lamisil occurs once in 50,000 to 120,000 cases.) Medications that produce liverrelated side effects during trials

never make it to market. Yet people who show signs of liver weakness on pre-screening tests aren’t selected for new drug trials. “So, when a drug is on the market, the companies do not know how it will affect those with liver disease,” Dr Andrade says.

Dosage plays a major role. Even common over-the-counter medications, when taken in excess of the recommended dose over a long period of time, can cause liver injury, failure and death. One of them is paracetamol, also known as acetaminophen, Tylenol and Panadol—a pain-relieving and fever-reducing drug. The recommended adult dose is one or two 500mg tablets up to four times in 24 hours, with four to six hours in between doses and without exceeding four grams a day. When exceeded, paracetamol sends nearly 100,000 people a year to hospital in the UK alone and about 150 die. “Paracetamol is the most common cause of acute liver failure in the UK,” says Dr Jalan.

There are no accurate statistics Europe-wide for paracetamol-related deaths, but Professor Karlsen says that there are more cases in the northern European countries than in the southern ones.

Even a recommended amount of paracetamol can be dangerous combined with other substances. When taken to clear a hangover after heavy drinking, a regular

PHOTO BY JUHO KUVA

paracetamol dose can overload an already stressed-out liver and cause liver injury. Most paracetamol victims are younger people who either ignored the dosage labels or combined it with alcohol, steroids or street drugs.

Treating Hepatitis

Viruses destroy the liver by causing inflammatory disease, such as hepatitis types A to E. The D type only affects those already with hepatitis B, and E is a recently discovered virus found primarily in developing countries, where sanitation is poor and access to clean water limited. There are medicines that efficiently treat the B type and recently the C type as well. The treatment for A and E usually amounts to controlling the patients’ symptoms while the liver gets a chance to recover.

patient in the hospital is a patient with acute liver failure,”

Dr. Jalan says—but if the liver recovers, “they can recover spontaneously by themselves.”

That is true of NAFLD—and Lasse Berget is a prime example. Two days after his diagnosis he changed his lifestyle. He began walking and eventually jogging and climbing hills. He changed his diet. “I ate normal healthy food, but much less,” he says. Three months later a medical check found that his liver fat was disappearing. “Today it’s completely gone,” says Lasse, who now weighs 15 stone, runs three to four times a week, and does a longer run of 12- to 12 miles weekly, and works as a health and lifestyle consultant.

“My life has changed completely. I got my health and my joy back.”

Most people in the western world are vaccinated against hepatitis A and B, but for those travelling into areas where the disease is endemic, getting a booster shot is a good idea.

When a liver fails, patients suffer a slew of symptoms, so doctors place them on life support to buy the liver time to regenerate—or if all fails, request a transplant. “The sickest

Unlike Lasse Berget, other patients may never know their liver condition—because as yet there are no centralised screening polices. While experts are working to institute them, patients should follow Lasse’s example and ask their doctors for a liver enzymes test and an ultrasound scan. The liver regulates so many things in the body, it deserves your attention, Professor Karlsen says. “If you take good care of your liver, your liver will take good care of you.” n

Suddenly I see

Rionne’s life changing experience with Ultralase

FAREWELL TO MY GLASSES

Some say I was born with wanderlust because travel is a big passion of mine; one that I rely on my eyesight to fulfil. My eyes allow me to see the beauty of the world, but as the years went by short-sightedness started to intrude.

I spent a total of 18 years depending on contact lenses and glasses and it was becoming tiresome.

I longed to travel on an aeroplane without the inevitable dry eyes that accompanied it and to jump into a pool without worrying about water getting in my eyes.

The most tedious challenge for me was the dreadful task of trying to find a pair of glasses that suited me. On the rare occasion I did wear glasses, they would be nothing but trouble, constantly steaming up; not to mention the frustration of trying to get comfortable whilst watching the TV.

Then I was introduced to Ultralase. Permanent vision correction certainly

sounded appealing. The thought of waking up without needing to think about putting my contact lenses in was motivation enough.

One phone call later and I was booked in for my first consultation in their Leicester clinic. The pre-surgery and aftercare promises were very inviting. I was recommended Implantable Contact Lenses, which sit inside the eye between the iris and the lens and would fix my short-sightedness once and for all.

During my consultation, no question was a silly question and believe me I had a lot of questions. Every aspect of the procedure was covered in depth with my surgeon, who I must say did a great job at calming my nerves.

PROCEDURE DAY

Feelings of nerves and excitement filled me when I woke up on procedure day. I just couldn’t believe that soon I’d be able to see without contact lenses or glasses!

Did You Know?

An implantable contact lens is several times smaller than your average contact lens.

They contain UV blockers, which reduce your risk of eye disorders.

www.ultralase.com | 0800 988 6385

During the procedure, the surgeon talked me through what was happening, what I should expect to feel and what he was doing.

I can honestly say there was no pain, just a very slight discomfort but the actual procedure was over in the blink of an eyeexcuse the pun.

Before I knew it I was being escorted to the recovery room by a lovely patient advisor and treated to tea and biscuits.

I was blown away by the aftercare I received. Ultralase were still only a phone call away if I needed anything, which was very reassuring. Recovery was surprisingly quick and stress-free. Thinking back, if I had to do it all again, or do it on someone else’s behalf, I certainly would.

SEEING IS BELIEVING

What can I say? Since having my vision restored my self-confidence has soared. Gone are the days when I would have to ask people to read menus, adverts and posters for me- I can now read them all! I

can’t tell you how liberating that feels.

I feel much more positive when getting ready because I no longer have to sit so close to the mirror to apply my make-up; a daily task I would dread.

One of the first moments I realised just how much sharper and clearer my vision had become was when I was able to read a car registration plate from quite a distance.

My eyesight really has gone back ten years.

A NEW LEASE OF LIFE

It’s been almost 2 years since my lens surgery and I still feel great waking up each morning knowing that I am not dependent on contact lenses.

When I compare how my eyesight was pre-surgery to now, I find it hard to believe the difference.

There has never been a day where I have looked back and I can honestly say that eye surgery is the best thing I have ever done. ■

Sunshine-Savvy

Here’s how to utilise the sunniest season of the year to boost your year-round health; from clearing up eczema to improving your mental wellbeing

Stock up on vitamin D

In the six months from April to September, we can get all the vitamin D we need from sunlight. This helps to keep our bones healthy and stave off osteoporosis. Lack of this essential vitamin can also cause muscle weakness. How long we should spend in the sunshine without risking skin damage depends on skin tone, but 20 minutes in the sun should be enough to reap the benefits. Make sure you actually expose your skin, as you can’t make vitamin D through clothes. However, remember to always use sunscreen. Burning your skin it actually prevents you from making vitamin D.

Susannah Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

Improve your skin

Those fabulous rays—once again, in moderation—can also have a beneficial effect on some skin complaints, such as psoriasis. UVB light can slow down the growth of skin cells, preventing the scales and patches that are typical of this skin condition. Studies have also shown that UV exposure during summer holidays can help to clear up eczema.

Boost your mood

We all know that a sunny day puts us in a sunnier mood—and research backs that up. What’s more, according to a University of Michigan study, getting outside for at least 30 minutes in warm, sunny - but not overly hot—weather improves memory and receptiveness to new information too.

Get out in the countryside

Some of that good mood could come from spending more time in a green and pleasant environment.

Numerous research papers have found that being out in nature reduces stress and depression and increases our sense of well-being. And, according to a joint UK and Australian study, a 30-minute dose of nature a week can result in lower blood pressure too.

Get active

The better weather is a great motivating factor for getting more exercise. Whether it’s walking, cycling, swimming in the sea or throwing a frisbee, you’ll be getting fitter. Often, arthritis is less painful in the summer, making it easier for sufferers to get active.

Be more sociable

When the weather’s good, there’s a much greater incentive to go out and meet people. Having an active social life has a whole range of advantages: it can improve your mood, boost your

immune system, help you live longer and may even reduce your

Unwind on holiday

There’s good evidence that taking time out to relax is good for your mental health. It could even prolong your life. A Finnish study of middleaged male executives at risk of heart disease found that those who took three weeks or less annual vacation had a 37 per cent higher chance of dying than those who took more.

Eat fresh food

This is the season of fresh fruit, vegetables and salads, which are ideal for the lighter meals we often prefer in the summer. This makes it so much easier to get our five a day, which provide us with dietary necessities such as vitamins C and A, folate, fibre and potassium. And they’re low in calories too. n

Easy On The Eye

It’s important to look after your peepers if you want to see clearly for years to come

Stay off the salt Research suggests that high-salt diets raise your risk of certain types of cataract. Consider using spices instead and buy low-salt alternatives when choosing canned and other prepared foods.

Protect your eyes from the sun

Researchers found fishermen who protected their eyes from the sun’s glare were less likely to develop cataracts or age-related macular degeneration (AMD), the leading cause of blindness in the West in over-fifties. Ideally, wear sunglasses whenever you leave the house. That protects your eyes from the wind, which can dry them out. Wear a widebrimmed hat too—it blocks around 50 per cent of UV radiation.

Get walking

There’s evidence that walking reduces intraocular pressure in people with glaucoma. In one study, glaucoma patients who walked four times a week for 40 minutes were able to come off their medication.

Keep your blood pressure in check

Hypertension is a leading cause of blindness as it damages blood vessels. Consider investing in a home blood pressure kit.

Take care at the computer Your screen should be just below eye level. This will make your eyes close slightly when you’re staring at it, minimising fluid evaporation and the risk of dry eye syndrome, which causes irritation. And take frequent breaks. Set your alarm every 30 minutes to remind you to look away from your computer.

Eat to protect your vision Blueberries might prevent AMD, according to one study. Meanwhile, other research has found that lutein, a nutrient in spinach and kale, may protect you from both AMD and cataracts.

Another study found that people who had a diet high in omega-3 fatty acids present in fish were much less likely to develop AMD. n

Ask The Expert: Deep Vein Thrombosis

Professor Mark Whiteley is an internationally known surgeon specialising in vein problems and the founder of The Whiteley Clinic

How did you become an expert in venous conditions, including DVT? As both a student and doctor myself, it fascinated me that both patients and doctors just accepted that varicose veins always come back. In every other area in medicine, doctors strive for better results—but no-one seems to care about veins! So I started my research into venous disease in the 1990s.

What is DVT and what are the symptoms? A DVT is a clot (thrombosis) inside the deep veins. Small clots in the calf veins might just cause local aching and “cramping”. Clots in the thigh or pelvic veins can cause swelling of the whole leg as well as considerable pain.

Who is likely to get DVT?

Risks increase with age. Immobility, major surgery, a propensity to clotting and cancer are all risk factors. Factors you can change are dehydration, smoking and having varicose veins.

How important is it to seek treatment if you suspect you have it? Extremely important. Anyone with any symptoms needs an urgent duplex scan. If a DVT is found, the usual treatment is anticoagulation—initially with injections and then tablets. Nowadays, many people are put directly onto the oral tablets.

If a DVT is found and treated early, there’s often little lasting damage. Big DVTs that break off and go to the lungs can be fatal.

What can be done to prevent it when travelling? DVT is associated with flying rather than other forms of travel. Flights under two hours are low risk. On longer flights, get up and walk every 30 minutes. Drink water or juice—caffeine and alcohol will dehydrate you. Below-knee compression stockings reduce swelling and DVT on long flights.

Visit thewhiteleyclinic.co.uk for more information

Professor Mark Whiteley

A Bond For Life

This month, Dr Max Pemberton recounts a formative connection from his youth which taught him much more than any gap year ever could have…

Amanda tried to move her head towards me as I walked into the room. She was lying on her bed, her body motionless except for the occasional involuntary twitch in her legs. I stood in front of her and smiled. She made a noise. “She says hello,” explained her mother who was standing next to me “I’ll leave you to it”—she walked out.

I try to understand Amanda, although it’s difficult at times. Often I had to ask her to repeat herself, and she patiently did. We talked about music and what films I’d seen recently. She asked me about my plans for the future, about my family. This was probably one of the hardest job interviews I’ve ever had. I’d never done anything like this before. Amanda had multiple sclerosis since the age of 17. It quickly began to paralyse her, and for several years she

Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full time in mental health for the NHS. His latest book is a self-help guide to using CBT to stop smoking

had lived in her bedroom, with her parents as her main carers. She now cannot move any part of her body and the muscles in her neck are now too weak to support her head properly. Her speech is affected, as is her sight. This was a truly horrific scene to behold—this wonderful, bright woman who at school had dreamed of being a lawyer, her future destroyed by this disease. This tragic scene was being played out only a few doors away from my house, but until this meeting I had been unaware of it.

I was only there because I had answered an advert in the local paper, asking for a carer for a 27-year-old woman with multiple sclerosis. The interview ended, I said goodbye. A few days later I got a message from Amanda’s mum: I’m hired, when can

I start? I began the next day and embarked on one of the most formative experiences of my life. I was 17 at the time and had just finished my A-levels. I spent the next four months caring for Amanda and she seemed to welcome the company of someone nearer her own age. I took

FRANCES MURPHY

her to the pub in her wheelchair and we would try to get free drinks at the bar, which I would then help her drink through a straw. Over time I could understand what she was saying and she didn’t need to repeat herself constantly. I would change her catheter bag while we talked about who was on Top of the Pops. Then, after four months, just before I said my farewells and went to start medical school, Amanda caught pneumonia and died.

While many of my friends were exploring other countries, attempting to discover themselves, I felt enriched and humbled by the short time I had spent with Amanda. I often think about Amanda when I hear about youngsters going on gap years to exotic climes or travelling to

far flung countries to “help” people. Few teenagers have the skills that are really needed in these countries, and yet there are countless ways in which they can have adventure and make lasting contributions to people’s lives here. It’s far easier to take from people who have nothing, than it is to give them anything meaningful. Are people on gap years not just holidaying in other people’s misery, safe in the knowledge that they themselves will never experience the horrors that they witness? Certainly people can gain a lot from gap years abroad, and I know that they’re often done with the best intentions. But it’s good to remember that you don’t have to go halfway round the world to discover yourself: the greatest learning experience of your life can be just a few doors down the road. n

The Doctor Is In

Dr Max Pemberton

Q: For the past year or so, I’ve had several nights where I fall asleep, but dream that I am awake but completely paralysed. When I try to call out, my words are just whispered nonsense. I know from the clock that these episodes have lasted up to 25 minutes. The dreams make me too scared to go to sleep. How can I make the nightmares stop? Julie, 47

A: This sounds like a sleep disorder called Sleep Paralysis. This is where someone experiences a temporary episode of being unable to move or speak when they wake up. It’s harmless, but can be scary. People will often feel that they’re having a very vivid dream, not realising that they’re actually in that inbetween stage of being asleep and being awake. People will also sometimes have a sense that someone else is in the room. These experiences are often so scary that people can become anxious about going to sleep again. Sleep paralysis is caused by

someone waking up during REM sleep. This is the stage of sleep when your brain is very active and people typically dream. A normal part of REM sleep is that your muscles are paralysed except for those of our eyes and that are involved in breathing— this is a good thing because it stops us from acting out our dreams and hurting ourselves. But in people with sleep paralysis, REM sleep occurs when they have woken up. No one is sure why this happens, but it’s more likely if someone is sleep-deprived or jet lagged. It also tends to run in families. While it can be very scary, most of the time someone just needs reassurance. Episodes will typically last a few seconds or a few minutes but it sounds like your episodes last much longer. I think that, given the length of your episodes, you should visit your GP and talk to them about this. n

Got a health question for our resident doctor? Email it confidentially to askdrmax@ readersdigest.co.uk

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from the Ultra range is Ultra Vitamin D Extra Strength which contains 50μg per tablet. This may be especially beneficial for adults over the age of 60, as it has also been shown that a daily vitamin D intake of 20μg or more from all sources helps to reduce the risk of falling associated with postural instability and muscle weakness.

Develop A Word-Perfect Memory

Our memory expert Jonathan Hancock explains how to remember what you read (including this!)

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED how you can read something one minute, and remember none of it the next?

Forgetting can be seriously frustrating for the enthusiastic reader but the good news is that there’s an effective way to tackle it: SQ3R.

SQ3R may sound like a robot from Star Wars, but it’s actually a tried-andtested learning technique. It stands for: SURVEY, QUESTION, READ, RECITE, REVIEW.

Invented by Francis Robinson as far back as 1946, SQ3R has helped generations of students to swot for exams. And it works just as well today, whether you’re reading for education, business, or pure pleasure.

Step one is SURVEY. Scan the whole text to get a rough idea of what it’s about. From the start, you’re connecting new information with your existing knowledge, helping you to understand and remember it.

Next, QUESTION. It’s easier to learn material you’re interested in, so look for things to be curious about—and get your brain ready to find the answers. It lifts your mental energy and primes your learning.

Then READ, at whatever pace feels

right, checking your understanding regularly, and making a note of anything you want to explore further.

When you get to the end, see how much you RECALL. Be honest: can you remember key details as well as the overall message? Are there any parts you need to repeat, or ideas that won’t make sense without more work?

And later, REVIEW everything you’ve read. Reflect on your reactions to it, and challenge yourself to remember it now that some time has passed. This second stage of testing lets you see what to return to, but it’s also a vital stage in the learning process, helping to strengthen longterm memories.

If you want to get more out of your reading, SQ3R is well worth making a habit. So start now—with the material in your hands! Finish this page, then pick another article you’re interested in and give it the full SQ3R treatment.

And then—use what you’ve learned. Talk about the article to family members and friends. With SQ3R, you’ll see what a difference it makes when the words you read stay with you—long after you’ve turned the final page. n

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO AVOID DOWNSIZING IN RETIREMENT?

Increasing numbers of people aged over 55 are releasing equity from their homes each year. As you receive a tax-free cash lump sum with a lifetime mortgage, this can be an ideal way to avoid downsizing.

When approaching retirement, many ‘empty nesters’ do not want to downsize. Moving can be a stressful process that can take months, possibly years. There are also the associated costs of moving that can eat away at the money you hope to release by selling. However, by releasing a portion of your equity, you can use your property to access funds now rather than waiting for your home to sell.

With equity release, you can use your property wealth to help you manage the financial challenges of retirement, while remaining in the home you love. A tax-free sum could expand your budget, helping you to overcome the rising cost of living.

house into your dream home or adapt it to meet your future needs. These are increasingly popular options as it removes another potential reason to downsize.

SHOULD YOU RELEASE EQUITY FROM YOUR HOME?

By using a portion of your equity now, you could reduce the size of your estate and a ect your entitlement to meanstested state benefits. Your financial adviser can provide you with a clear illustration, helping you to make an informed decision. If you are looking to avoid downsizing through equity release, then call our friendly Information Team today. ■

Outdoor CINEMA

Pull up a deck chair as the sun sets and enjoy a blockbuster or a cult classic at one of these outdoor cinemas

BY ANNA WALKER

Luna Beach Cinema, Brighton

On the beaches of Brighton this summer, you can enjoy the lapping of waves as you take in Finding Dory, Moana and Sharknado over a month-long residency.

This spot boasts the highest definition outdoor LED screen in the country, stretching to an impressive 33ft—so one thing you won’t need to worry about is having a good view! There’s hot food and deck chairs on site, and if you really want to make an evening of it, why not upgrade to a VIP beach hut? These luxury seats are good for four people and come with their own mini fridge.

Says managing director George Wood, “At Luna Beach Cinema, you can enjoy your favourite film on our high definition outdoor LED screen. Whether you fancy a recent blockbuster such as Bohemian Rhapsody, or a classic such as Grease, we've got something for everyone. Join us on the beach for the ultimate in summer cinema!”

lunabeachcinema.com

Moonlight Flicks, Chester

The biggest outdoor cinema in the North West of England, Moonlight Flicks will be showing some serious blockbusters this summer, including A Star Is Born and singalong crowdpleaser, The Greatest Showman. Set in Chester’s historic Roman Gardens, cinephiles gather on the lawn with picnic blankets or rented deck chairs and plug into wireless headphones to ensure perfect sound quality—especially helpful if the person next to you is set on singing

along to every word of Mamma Mia. Says programme manager Nicky Beaumont, “We have a programme of joyous movies screened all summer in Chester’s gorgeous Roman Garden. Whether it’s date night, a summer holiday treat with the kids or an evening out with friends, we think there’s something on the bill for everyone. We look forward to seeing audiences every year, and this season is no exception.” moonlightflicks.co.uk

Chirk Castle, Wrexham, North Wales

You’ve never experienced cinema in a setting like this… The 11th-century Chirk Castle near Wrexham was first built under the reign of Edward I, but now it’s the destination for Silly Walk superfans, as they put on screenings of the cult classic, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Has there ever been a more perfect surrounding to enjoy the comedy capers of King Arthur and his dozy squire?

Says visitor experience manager Jon Hignett, “We’re excited to bring outdoor cinema to Chirk Castle for the first time. For hundreds of years the castle has played host to masques, balls, music and theatre, and outdoor cinema seems like a great way to continue that tradition of performance and play. The gardens are a beautiful place to relax, and on a warm August evening accompanied by the sound of clinking glasses, and the smell of fresh popcorn they should be fantastic evenings.”

Wrap up warm and don’t forget your coconut horses… nationaltrust.org.uk/chirkcastle/ whats-on

Luna Cinema, Edinburgh Royal Botanic Garden

Since 1670, Scotland’s Royal Botanic Garden has been home to one of Britain’s most impressive botanical collections. It’s perhaps not where you’d expect to find a crowd of cinephiles on a summer night, settling down for a screening of Bohemian Rhapsody. But, nestled away on the Glasshouse Lawn, that’s exactly what’s happening for Luna Cinema’s summer season.

Says managing director George

Wood, “We specialise in classic films on the big screen in truly stunning settings. There's nothing quite like watching your favourite film while surrounded by some of the country's best locations, from royal palaces and castles to cathedrals and gardens. Come and join us for an unforgettable night of cinema under the stars!”

thelunacinema.com/edinburgh-royalbotanic-garden

Summer Screens, Coventry

Having been bombed to near-total annihilation during the Coventry Blitz of 1940, Coventry Cathedral was rebuilt during the 1950s and 60s. Significant parts of the old cathedral still remain and it’s in these stunningly renovated ruins that Summer Screens bring their penchant for crowd-pleasing movies in unconvential spaces to an eager local audience.

Enjoy the sun setting on these beautiful ruins and partake in a quiet moment of reflection, before immersing yourself in one of your favourite films.

Says managing director Philip Cottle, “As the sun sets and the atmosphere builds, the 1000-year-

old walls, pillars and arches illuminate in a rainbow of colour and the stars begin to shine overhead. Films in 2019 include A Star Is Born, Bohemian Rhapsody and Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.” summerscreens.co.uk

PETER ATKINSON / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

Enchanted Cinema, Cambridge

There’s a magic about Cambridge’s Enchanted Cinema that’s hard to put your finger on. Perhaps it’s the gentlylit surroundings of Gonville Hotel’s secret garden. Perhaps it’s the charming staff, always quick to enthuse about the latest film or offer advice on the best spot for a winning view. Or perhaps it’s the clear sky of stars that shine above you as the film begins and the gardens plunge into night.

Whatever that magic is, it’s certainly in abundance at this dusky cinema.

Enjoy drinks and food as you watch your favourite flick—with screenings ranging from Top Gun to When Harry Met Sally to Kill Bill to name just a few—there's truly something for every taste. Stay on after the credits roll for a night of live music.

Everything is local about this cinema, from the musicians, to the short independent opening films and the food vendors from nearby eateries—a truly Cantabrigian affair. enchantedcinema.co.uk

Rooftop Film Club, London

Enjoy cult classics and family favourites all while looking out on a view of London’s skyline with the city’s unique Rooftop Film Club. Located atop Peckham’s achingly cool Bussey Building, Stratford’s citylit Rooftop East and locals' favourite the Queen of Hoxton in Shoreditch, each screening venue is a great destination to end a day spent in the hustle and bustle of the city.

Comfy deckchairs and wireless headphones make it easy to forget you’re in the middle of the capital, while on-site food and drinks will

ensure you can relax for the duration. The current programme only runs until June 30, so get your skates on if you want to enjoy a cult classic on one of these iconic rooftops. Our top picks include The Breakfast Club, Fargo and a special 65th anniversary showing of Rear Window.

rooftopfilmclub.com/london

Visited any of Britain's outdoor cinemas? Have a favourite film to watch as the sun sets? Email readersletters@readersdigest. co.uk and let us know

IF I RULED THE WORLD

Paul McKenna

Hypnotist, behavioural scientist and television broadcaster Paul McKenna, 55, is also one of Britain’s most successful authors of self-help books including I Can Make You Thin

I would put lie detectors (voicestress analysers) across the bottom of all televisions when politicians are talking. That way, when we asked them questions, we could see if they were telling the truth or not.

I would find some way of rewarding kindness. The Dalai Lama said, “kindness is my religion”, and it’s one of my favourite quotes. I see selfishness as one of the big psychological diseases of the world. If people were less selfish and more selfless, the world would be a better place. Kindness, which is an important part of being human, is a great place to start.

I would incentivise everyone in the world to meditate every day. When there’s a boxing match on TV, the murder rate goes up. However, when you get a group of meditators together in a major city and they meditate every day over a couple of

weeks, the violent crime rate goes down. This has been done all around the world in cities from Washington to Jerusalem. Scientists refer to it as a peace-field effect.

On a personal basis, being in a positive neurophysiological state of mind, such as meditation, is very good for your health. It reduces stress levels and makes you healthier.

Hopefully the peace-field effect can help society and the world, by cancelling out some of the peerbased aggression which dominates our planet. Every time I watch the TV or open a newspaper, I see that it’s either the end of the world or I’m under attack from somebody. While we need to be informed of these things, they do lead to people feeling worried and stressed. Hopefully if we were all in a more peaceful state of mind, that would radiate around the world and make it a happier place. There’s plenty of scientific evidence to support this.

I’d stop the production of weapons. I think we have enough. We have so many nuclear weapons, so many guns and knives. I think we should just call it a day and make do with what we’ve got. We have more than enough to blow ourselves up with.

I’d make our education system more like that of Finland. It’s a very unusual system over there. You go to school when you are seven and you call your teacher by their first name. Apart from maths, reading and writing, you choose the subjects you want to learn.

I’d also use modern digital and media technology in the education process. When I was at school we learned about geography through boring books and black and white photographs. I would make an action movie, with baddies trying to take over the world’s weapons or something like that, and in the process of being excited by the action movie, you would learn all about geography. I would

also teach things such as self-esteem and confidence.

The people I know who have been to our famous schools such as Eton and Harrow were told implicitly through the teaching, “You are among the elite”. I think it would be great if everyone was taught that. I would also teach general life skills, like how wire a plug, how to fill out a tax form and I’d also teach manners!

I’d get scientists to work on a cure for baldness. We follicallychallenged people, live with it daily. We need to divert the resources of our scientific community to finding that cure very, very quickly.

I would genetically clone myself so the genetic clones could be out doing shows, writing books, doing interviews— things like that. And I’d be home watching Netflix. n

As told to Nicola Venning

Paul McKenna’s new “Positivity Podcast” is available to download now

WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED WITH

CRIME?

Our fascination with true crime in documentaries, podcasts and literature is booming. But what is it that attracts us to this grisly genre, and what does it say about us?

by Jessica Summers

WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED WITH TRUE CRIME?

Netflix’s Making a Murderer, a show exploring an alleged false imprisonment and America’s judicial system, reached 19.3 million views after just 35 days. And the podcast Serial, an investigative three-part series exploring separate criminal events, is currently boasting over 350 million downloads. These examples are not anomalies—our passion for true crime is unashamedly flourishing. Globally, viewers are tuning in to the controversial genre daily and consuming their fair share of murderous, grisly tales, but why? Are we twisted voyeurists harbouring a darkness which delights in witnessing horrors, or merely empathetic observers bearing witness to a crimesaturated world?

According to David Canter, professor of psychology and author of Forensic Psychology for Dummies, the danger we feel while consuming a true crime account excites us. Canter, who developed the use of investigative psychology and profiled John Duffy—one half of the “Railway Rapist” duo convicted of two murders and four rapes in 1988—says, “The fight or flight idea stimulates our physiological arousal. There’s an excitement in that, and if it’s not too dangerous then we can enjoy it without it falling into experiencing real terror.” Canter adds that the more random the crime the more likely we are to be afraid of it.

“If somebody kills a spouse, although it’s a tragedy, it doesn’t send fear through the community because they assume it was something in that relationship. But if a stranger is attacked in the street and there’s no real way of explaining why that attack occured it’s much more frightening to people. They think, If it happened to them it could happen to me, so that becomes a threat. It’s a challenge people can cope with through the medium of documentaries; the fear is lessened and it’s a sort of inoculation against the concern and anxiety that might otherwise be present.”

The hugely popular Serialpodcast

While the need to get our heart racing may be true, David Wilson, professor of criminology, former Prison Governor and author of the recent book, My Life With Murderers, thinks there’s another reason why we’re so fascinated by true crime.

“The phenomenon of the true crime output is so diverse. It includes everything from serial murder to miscarriages of justice, and for most it’s about trying to solve the mystery. As was the case with the podcast Missing Maura Murray, we can galvanize the ‘armchair detectives’ into bringing their knowledge—which might be very specialised and unique—to solve the mystery. The public’s interest can lead to beneficial good, because when the police aren’t looking at it any longer and a member of the public doing an internet or archival search is able to uncover information it could lead to a cold case becoming live again.”

story. This idea is no doubt at the forefront of the minds of those who are opposed to seeing violent crimes flash on their screens in the form of entertainment, and it does beg the question: why do we focus so much on the crime and perpetrators in place of the victims?

SOME WON’T WATCH THE NEWS BECAUSE IT’S TERRIFYING YET THEY’LL WATCH A CRIME ACCOUNT AND BE ENTHRALLED

Wilson expands by explaining that this outcome—while it might be an objective of the true crime producer—is extremely rare. What he’s concerned with are the few more sinister individuals who may be encouraged by the glamorisation that often comes with a sensationalised

Perhaps it’s because—unlike the unfortunate targets, who could be anyone— it takes a particular type of person to be able to carry out atrocities and human nature evokes a powerful urge to discover what it is that creates evil. Canter explains that often those who knew a killer would be shocked to find out the truth as it didn’t fit with their preconceived notions of their former life; terms such as “he was a quiet chap” or “married with kids” are produced by neighbours in a confused bid to understand how someone like that could do something like this. “True crime becomes fascinating because people want to get some sort of handle on what goes on in a killer’s head.” Canter adds.

“It is also interesting,” he expands, “that people typically respond much more traumatically to news reports about bombings or people being hurt or killed in real events. People find that more distressing than a fictional

WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED WITH TRUE CRIME?

account or even a documentary about a serial killer. Some won’t watch the news because they decide it’s so horrific and terrifying, yet they’ll watch a crime account and be enthralled by it. It’s that idea of something less intensive that still has an exciting quality to it.”

The surge in popularity of modern-day true crime media may make the genre seem like a newer fascination, but that’s far from true. While the accessibility has greatly increased, our morbid captivation with crime—especially violent crime—is as old as time.

Historian Nell

and were happy to cater to it. The publication The Illustrated Police News, was infamous for its full-page illustrations of horrendous crimes, including explicit coverage of the Jack the Ripper murders in 1888.”

Darby points out that hangings only became private affairs in 1868, before which they were very public events.

Darby believes that the subject has enthralled us for centuries and explains that even before we were literate we would pass stories and dark tales through generations. She says, “It’s not a new phenomenon. In the 18th century, broadsides were published and sold at executions, with illustrations and graphic depictions of the crimes that led to an individual being hanged. In the 19th century, newspapers recognised this interest in crime

“The most notorious criminals would have thousands of spectators flock to their executions.

Hangings were a form of entertainment, with adults and children all present to watch others be put to death.”

One argument that many highlight as an issue with the engrossingyet-disturbing true crime genre is the all too regular need to aggrandise a story to gain a following. Darby, who runs the site criminalhistorian.com elaborates, “Jack the Ripper is a clear case of this, where some of the facts get lost in-between rumour and embellishment. We live in a society where we want stories that are as exciting as possible. It can be a bit like Chinese whispers, with stories getting more embroidered, until they

NOTORIOUS CRIMINALS WOULD HAVE THOUSANDS OF SPECTATORS FLOCK TO THEIR EXECUTIONS

end up bearing little relation to what originally happened.”

Wilson is also wary of stories that stray from the truth, but for a much more unsettling reason. He believes that when true accounts of crime stray—even a little—from the facts, it can be detrimental to the picture painted, especially where serial killers are concerned. He poses that instead of focusing on the individual, we should look at why somebody might be led to kill and the groups most at risk of being a target.

“Serial killers in our country overwhelmingly attack five groups of people,” explains Wilson. “And women dominate four of those groups, the only group of men that get regularly attacked are gay men. We need to focus on misogyny, homophobia of both sexes, women over the age of 60 and sex workers. We need to identify and expose what makes them vulnerable, for those who lack visibility, who lack a voice, and who seem to have no agency in our culture.”

WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED WITH TRUE CRIME?

SERIAL KILLERS

ATTACK

FIVE GROUPS OF PEOPLE AND WOMEN DOMINATE FOUR OF THOSE GROUPS

Interestingly, despite women being the most targeted demographic for violent crimes, a 2010 study in Social Psychological and Personality Science showed that the true crime audience is overwhelmingly female. There’s no shortage of true crime podcasts to choose from yet despite the majority of overall listeners being male, Westwood One Podcast Network revealed men outnumber women in every genre except storytelling; which includes true crime.

“It’s a curious issue,” Canter expands. “I suspect it’s because women are trying to deal with their anxiety more directly but also

because they’re more prepared to explore their own emotions and emotional reactions. Therefore, the rollercoaster that is a crime story is something that they’re prepared to explore and—if it’s resolved—to some extent, enjoy.”

While a shocking story may make our hairs stand up and our human interest may be peaked at a regaling of inhumanity, what if it’s not the horror that keeps us coming back, nor the wince we feel upon hearing a disturbing tale? Perhaps it’s the power, freedom and the—slightly macabre— schadenfreude that comes with knowing… that they didn’t get us. n

SPACE TOURISM:

ONE SMALL STEP FOR PRIVATE COMPANIES

Tamara Hinson examines why space exploration developments shouldn’t just be of interest to budding astronauts—they’re helping to overhaul our holidays, too

In early May 2019 Blue Origin, the space exploration company founded by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, successfully launched—and landed—the rocket Bezos plans to use for space tourism. Virgin Galactic founder Richard Branson has said he hopes to start commercial space flights by the end of 2019. In recent years, international space agencies and private space exploration companies have made huge leaps forward in their efforts to explore beyond planet Earth. Another first was achieved in early 2019, when China's Yutu 2 rover became the first to explore the moon's far side. This isn't just good news for those

of us with a burning desire to visit the Moon, see our planet from space or set up camp on Mars—if you're a keen traveller, it's highly likely you'll eventually benefit from developments relating to space exploration. Elon Musk, founder of SpaceX, recently pointed out that, by travelling in a spaceship sent into orbit, an eighthour flight in a cramped aeroplane could become a 30-minute hop, while the entire planet could be circumnavigated in just 90 minutes.

"It currently takes me 20 hours to get from Houston to Singapore," says Randy “Komrade” Bresnik, a NASA astronaut who recently served as Commander of the International

EVA BEE

Space Station. "But what if I could hop in a space plane and be there in 45 minutes?" Recent developments suggest such journeys might soon become reality, largely thanks to the number of privately-funded space exploration ventures, like Musk's SpaceX.

"It's not just about national space agencies any more—commercial companies all over the world are doing their own thing," points out Bresnik, who admits to being surprised at the developments made in a relatively short space of time. "In the 1900s we had the first flight, and suddenly all these other people were building airplanes. And now, just over 100 years later, there are generations who think it's perfectly normal to simply book a flight on their iPhone. And we're at the same point with space flight—you'll soon be able to go to space without being a professional astronaut."

All of these developments and the research and testing which comes beforehand—serve another purpose. They make getting to Mars—the little red dot our descendants could very well end up living on—much easier, although there are still various obstacles. Bresnik states that he suspects a trip into space will soon be as simple as a trip to Disneyland even if the famous theme park has certain advantages, such as more reliable supplies of food, water,

and oxygen, to name a few. But Bresnik also believes these are all obstacles we're close to overcoming, and points out that data-collecting probes have already shown that there's water on Mars. Food is another story, especially given the journey time to Mars is around seven months. Sadly, a packet of Haribo simply won't cut it. "When it comes to Mars, the amount of food and

“A TRIP INTO SPACE WILL SOON BE AS SIMPLE AS A TRIP TO DISNEYLAND”

water we'd need for the crew is the

biggest

obstacle," admits Bresnik, pointing out that one potential solution would be to take seeds instead of food, and use regenerative techniques to reclaim water.

So what's the rush? The Sun, to SpaceX Headquarters in Hawthorne California

start with. "Right now, the Earth is in that perfect spot—not too hot and not too cold," explains Bresnik. "But the Sun's consuming itself, and one day, you'll need sunscreen with an SPF of 5,000—in the shade. The good news? "Like Earth, Mars

has an atmosphere—it has wind and erosion." Unlike the Moon— although Bresnik explains that it makes a pretty good stand-in when it comes to the testing of kit. "The Moon is just three days away, and gives us a chance to learn how to live off-planet—how to live in space suits and how to develop energy on a celestial body. If you're going to go camping, you've got to have the right equipment—you've got to try it out. If you're on the Moon, and something breaks, you can get home and replace it. If our equipment survives on the Moon, we've got a pretty good chance of surviving on Mars."

One issue which applies to both the Moon and Mars is radiation. The Earth is protected from this by something known as the Van Allen radiation belts, which Mars and the Moon don't have—one reason for the spacesuits, which are hardly ideal wear for a lazy Sunday mooching about on Mars. "Colonists on Mars would still have to live in a sealed environment and would have to be fully self-sufficient within it," cautions Professor Chris Impey, a world-renowned space expert at the University of Arizona's College of Science. But when our own planet turns into a frazzled crisp, it's the least-terrible option. "There's no other planet even nearly as habitable as Mars," says Professor Impey.

“IF OUR EQUIPMENT SURVIVES ON THE MOON, WE'VE GOT A GOOD CHANCE OF SURVIVING ON MARS”

"Venus is an inferno, and the outer Solar System destinations of Europa and Titan are much further away, so extremely hazardous and expensive to reach." So, Mars it is then.

Professor Impey believes our move to the red planet could begin much sooner than many people realise. "It could be as little as 20 years before we have a first small settlement made up of four to six astronauts—

not living there permanently, but in rotation," he predicts. "Then around 40 years until there's a small permanent colony, most likely from the private sector. SpaceX says it will be less, but most analysts think this is optimistic. One disaster could set all of this back by up to a decade."

However, it's also worth noting that companies like SpaceX have proved sceptics wrong in the past.

Yutu 2 Lunar rover descendant of the China`s Chang e 4 lunar probe landed on the surface of the moon on January 3, 2019

"The demonstration of fully reusable rockets by both SpaceX and Blue Origins was a game-changer," admits Professor Impey. "This will dramatically lower the cost to orbit per kilo and enable a viable business model of high-end space tourism." It's a great example of how the developments which are helping us make life on Mars a reality are having a much more immediate impact

Richard Branson at Farnborough International Airshow 2012 posing inside mock-up of "Spaceship 2" holding model of "Launcher 1"

“HUDREDS OF WANNABE ASTRONAUTS HAVE ALREADY PAID FOR A SPOT ON ONE OF VIRGIN'S FIRST SPACE FLIGHTS”

on everyday life. For example, it's common knowledge that hundreds of wannabe astronauts (including Brad Pitt and Katy Perry, if rumours are to be believed) have already paid for a spot on one of Virgin

Galactic's first space flights—a snip at £200,000 a pop. One confirmed passenger is Matthew D Upchurch, CEO of Virtuoso. Upchurch has paid to be what's known as a Founder Astronaut. "This means I’ll be among

the first 84 passengers to experience a flight," explains the entrepreneur. So what motivated him to sign up? "I was never a space fanatic or a thrill-seeker," ponders Upchurch. "I love travel because it takes you out of your comfort zone, opens your mind, and helps you grow as a person. Seeing things from a new perspective is my motivation and everyone who has been to space has said it is life-changing."

There's another reason for Upchurch's interest—his company, Virtuoso, is an Accredited Space Agent for Virgin Galactic's VSS Enterprise—the commercial spaceship which will whisk passengers like Upchurch into space.

"The tickets cost a significant sum of money, but we work in the luxury sector and frequently sell exclusive-

use travel—private jets, island and yachts—which command similar price tags," points out Upchurch, who believes ticket prices will inevitably drop. "Virgin Galactic has always had its eye on the goal of making suborbital space travel more egalitarian, and not something reserved for only the super wealthy," adds Upchurch. "Once commercial space flights begin operating on a consistent schedule, efficiencies will naturally occur, driving down costs and ticket prices. The first passengers will pave the way, and the goal is that eventually it becomes something more in reach for others." So, watch this space—30-minute flights from London to New York— and potentially a holiday to Mars— could become a reality much sooner than we think. Just don't forget those compression socks. n

GHOSTLY GAGS

Why did the ghost go to the doctor? To get his boo-ster shot.

What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry geist.

What did the monster eat after having his teeth fixed by the dentist? His dentist.

Why are there fences around cemetaries? Because people are dying to get in.

Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? Because he's a pain in the neck!

SOURCE: HELP! THE GRANDCHILDREN ARE COMING BY MIKE HASKING AND CLIVE WHICHELOW

Fuelled by oil wealth, Azerbaijan’s capital is remaking itself into a bold and vibrant city tempered by traditional ways

Caspian Mystique

BY BRUCE SCHOENFELD

The newly reconstructed promenade by the bay, with the Flame Towers in the background

SHE LOOKS LIKE the Soviet Union come to life. Like the women who would shuffle through Red Square in boxy overcoats on even the warmest days. Her hair is dyed a faded red, her stolid face is rectangular, like a fur hat.

We’re dining at adjacent tables, Afa and I, at Firuze, a popular restaurant in downtown Baku, the capital of Azerbaijan. At 50 years old, Afa has spent half her days living free of Soviet hegemony. Yet she speaks Russian to her teenage daughter. She sips vodka. And it seems utterly fitting that she has ordered Chicken Kiev, a dish named for another capital the Soviets dominated.

Afa’s daughter, Aytac, could have stepped straight from a fashion catwalk. She wears a white blouse that shows off her upper arms and shoulders, and she hasn’t stinted on eyeliner. She’s eating sulu khingal , a traditional Azeri dish of lamb, chickpeas, and noodles. She prefers the Azeri language to Russian, she tells me, and is working to master English “because it’s the future.”

It is a Wednesday night. I have only just arrived in Baku, which perches on the Caspian Sea between Russia to the north and Iran to the south. Already I sense the cultural upheaval of this capital. It isn’t merely generational; at the table to my left, a man sits with two women wearing the Islamic hijab. “We’re seeing that more and more,” Aytac notes.

Her family is Muslim, like 97 per cent of Azerbaijanis, but she has never practised. Yet faith is becoming part of her life. “I’m a deist,” she volunteers. When I ask if her mother is Muslim, Aytac shrugs. “She doesn’t know what she is.”

BAKU HAS ALWAYS BEEN at the crossroads of something. For centuries it languished under the control of the Persians, the Russians, or the Turks. Now the city and its country are experiencing a breakthrough, but one roiled by an authoritarian government, the vicissitudes of an oil economy, and the challenge of integrating Islamic customs with Western secularism.

“We speak Russian, our names are Islamic or Persian, we try to be Turkish,” Azeri filmmaker Teymur Hajiyev tells me the next evening as we sit at a traditional restaurant beside a stone wall that is almost a thousand years old. “We have a Frankenstein culture. We haven’t yet figured out what it means to be Azerbaijani.”

Even as Baku’s two millionplus residents struggle to define themselves, they live in a place that looks like nowhere else. Its rulers always have been partial to grand architectural gestures—from the domed 15th-century Palace of the Shirvanshahs, to the ornate mansions of the first oil boom, to the muscular office blocks built by

BY RENA EFFENDI

Clockwise from top left: Entrance to the old city; ornate residences built a century ago by Baku oil merchants; Heydar Aliyev Cultural Centre

the Soviet Union. Now the Aliyev family, which has presided over Azerbaijan since 1993, has applied a new level of ambition to the construction, with an ultramodern airport, shiny sports venues, a grand war memorial, and shopping centres that look like spaceships.

President Ilham Aliyev—who succeeded his father, Heydar, a former Politburo leader—runs the nation like a Persian Gulf emir, using government money, of which there is plenty when oil prices run high, to nudge it into the world’s consciousness.

Baku has hosted the World Chess Olympiad, the European Games, and the Eurovision Song Contest; staged Formula 1 Grand Prix races; and made unsuccessful bids for the Olympic Games.

THE SWOOPING Heydar

Aliyev Centre has been compared to a whale, a glacier, and an airport terminal. None of those give the building its due. From any angle you would swear it’s in motion, its undulating whiteness rising to a peak and rippling down the other side. To the west, on the waterfront, sits another showstopper. The low, tubular Azerbaijan Carpet Museum was designed to resemble a rolled-up rug. Each time I pass it, I grin.

And though two of the three curved, glass-sheathed skyscrapers

known as the Flame Towers have few tenants, they have become Baku’s new signature, overtaking the millennium-old Maiden Tower, once part of the city’s fortifications.

Not everyone is pleased with this. “Baku was a small Paris,” artist and social activist Sitara Ibrahimova tells me. “It has become a small Dubai.”

Ibrahimova takes me to see two of her installations at the Yarat Contemporary Art Centre. For one, she shot film of herself wading in the Caspian Sea and scrubbing her arms with black oil. It is, she says, a “musing on the resource’s overwhelming significance in framing the collective unconscious of the country.”

That night I join her at a small, sleek wine bar, Kefli, in the heart of Baku. I could be in Moscow, or Brooklyn, except that all the 90-plus wines on the menu are Azeri. Kefli’s co-owner, a 30-year-old lawyer named Rufat Shirinov, tells me he opened the bar as a sort of patriotic act. “A lot of very Azeri things were lost in the Soviet years,” he says.

Shirinov serves me two wines made from the local red Madrasa grape, then a white Bayan Shira. I prefer them as political statements rather than as beverages, but the wines are proving to be palatable for the 20-somethings around me. The scene reminds me of Budapest or Prague right after the fall of the Eastern Bloc—except these aren’t

new tourists enjoying a youthful adventure. They’re locals conversing in Russian and Azeri and enjoying the fruit of their nation’s burgeoning prosperity.

Over the centuries, Azeris have survived by adapting. They bent to the will of the Persians, fell in line under the Russians, yet never quite submitted. “The best way to retain our identity, that core of language, music, and cuisine that differentiates us from our neighbours, was through flexibility,” explains history enthusiast Fuad Akhundov. This led to tolerance. It’s no accident that three distinct Jewish communities have survived pashas, caliphs, and commissars.

Despite Ibrahimova’s fears, Baku could never become Dubai. This is an ancient place. Early one morning I wander through the walled Inner City, much of which was built between the 12th and 16th centuries. I gaze at the Muhammad Mosque and its minaret, which became known as the Broken Tower after it was bombed by Russian warships in the 1720s (and later rebuilt). When a class of preteens in blue and white uniforms file past, I realise that the labyrinth of streets and alleys around me is more than a World Heritage tourist attraction. It’s a living neighbourhood.

MOST CITIES value sturdy, handsome buildings over dilapidated structures, but I’m wondering if Baku’s mania for restoration has gone too far. “The problem,” says a young woman named Ayan, “is that you can no longer tell what is new and what is old.” The Muhammad Mosque has been scrubbed to its original golden colour, wiping away centuries of history. The historic mansions, too— built in the 1800s with money made from oil, which has been extracted from around Baku since the third century—have been scoured to a generic cleanliness.

“Oil made Baku,” Zohrab Huseynov, a mechanical engineer who works in the petroleum industry, tells me one evening as we share a cab. “The reason Baku is big

The city skyline frames Baku Bay on the Caspian Sea

and beautiful and ugly and crowded is because of oil.”

The elaborate oil residences include Mukhtarov’s Mansion, a rendition of a Venetian palace that now hosts weddings, and the Hajinski Mansion, which houses luxury shops and apartments. They appear to have been built with

LODGING Baku has about 150 hotels. Budget-friendly Premier Old Gates Hotel cosies things up with Azeri carpets and arabesque wallpaper; upper rooms have views of the Caspian Sea and Baku’s old city walls. Doubles £58. The Fairmont Baku Flame Towers offers floor-to-ceiling windows and modern décor. Doubles from £125.

DINING Meat dishes are served in Silk Road style at tapestry-filled Manqal, Kichik Gala Street 126, average bill is under £10. Tiny and always full, PitiHaneh is a word-of-mouth eatery known for its pork dishes. Kutab (stuffed flat-bread) and other street foods fill kiosks by the city gates.

SHOPPING Azerbaijan’s legacy as a crossroad of cultures comes alive at the Taza Bazaar, a market selling aromatic spices, dried fruits, cheeses, local teas, and seafood.

More information

azerbaijan.travel

today’s oil money rather than a century ago.

I can’t get too exercised about this. The history of a place transcends its buildings. Late one morning

I enter the Taze Bey Hammam, a traditional Turkish bath that has operated continuously for more than a century. I find myself in a hallway decorated with wood carvings, mounted animals, photos, and other miscellanea. The place smells like Turkish cigarettes.

I check in and trade my clothes for a towel. As I step into the sauna

I catch my breath: It’s the hottest I’ve ever felt. “A hundred degrees,” the attendant tells me—and he isn’t talking Fahrenheit.

Heat, a plunge in cold water, and I’m led into a steam room. Through mist I see an attendant holding leafy branches under a fountain. When he shakes them over me, the water droplets give a shiver of pleasure. He proceeds to rhythmically whip the leaves over my arms and back. I close my eyes and consider the thousands of men who over centuries have submitted to the same treatment. Rarely have I felt such a living connection with the past. When the session finishes, it takes me a moment to recall where I am. And who.

“IS THAT A VOLGA?”

I ask Elnur Babayev. He nods, then points. “And that is a Pobeda from the 1950s.”

The vintage Soviet cars are

TRAVEL TIPS

parked outside the Sirvansah Muzey Restoran, a “museum restaurant” where banqueters dine in a facsimile of a Soviet-era flat. I wouldn’t think enough time had passed, but Soviet chic is in style in Baku. The city’s Intourist hotel, which for five-plus decades accommodated governmentsupervised tour groups, has been faithfully renovated down to its façade of grey.

Babayev, a commercial artist, was in his late twenties when the USSR collapsed. He moved to the US, then returned to Baku in 2007 when his father, the esteemed painter Rasim Babayev, passed away. He found an eager Azerbaijan, freed from the control of the Soviet Union, speeding toward nowhere in particular.

Right now, we’re cruising along the coast to Babayev’s dacha, a Russianstyle country home. I’m envisioning Cornwall. Instead, we’re navigating rutted roads in a desiccated landscape by the Caspian Sea. When we reach Babayev’s neighbourhood, however, he steers us to a handsome cottage. Soon we’re sitting in a courtyard ringed by pomegranate trees and Babayev’s sculptures. He tells me his father was born in 1927 into an educated home with Azeri books written in the prevalent Muslim Arabic script. Within two years the Azeri alphabet would change to Latin characters in an effort to secularise it. The shift lasted a decade, until Stalin’s government

demanded that all official textbooks and documents be printed in the Russian Cyrillic. When the Soviet Union fell, the Cyrillic reverted to the Latin alphabet.

“When you change an alphabet, you change history,” Babayev tells me. “You lose your culture.”

The conversation weighs on both of us, so he proposes a swim. At the end of an alley, beyond a stretch of rocks and sand, is the Caspian Sea, considered the world’s largest inland body of water. Around Baku it has been polluted by years of neglect, but here it is translucent.

“Like a thousand years ago,” Babayev says.

To the east, somewhere across the blue expanse, is the nation of Turkmenistan. To the northwest, I spot the mountains of southern Russia. I pull off my shoes. The water is chilly, but I duck into its gentle waves and begin to swim. n

A vintage Soviet Volga

My Great Escape:

East To West

Our reader Hannah Oakes from Buckinghamshire explores the United States by train

The soothing rumble of the train has an intoxicating effect as I strain my eyes to peer through the darkened window. A faint tap at the door announces the arrival of our cheery car attendant. He wishes us good night but not before regaling us with their biggest catastrophe, involving a collapsed bridge and swollen river. “We lost many that night”, he adds solemnly, while I make a mental note to locate the life jackets.

For two girls fresh out of university, train travel provides an opportunity to see as much of the US as possible. Boarding at New York’s Penn Station feels like climbing into a wardrobe. The “roomette” measures a cosy 3ft by 6ft, so it’s best to leave inhibitions—and perhaps your belongings—at the door. Thankfully in Chicago we switch to the California Zephyr where the bedroom is more spacious. It’s mercifully devoid of technology so we spend days reading and gazing out of the window.

Leaving Nebraska I’m rewarded with the dramatic change in scenery that comes with a change of state. Colorado is an oasis of pine trees,

crystal lakes and snow-capped mountains. As we approach the Rockies, we encounter the long Moffat tunnel. Perched precariously on the narrowest part of the ledge it provides a unique opportunity to photograph the whole train as it curves into darkness.

I sleep through Salt Lake City and awake to the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We follow the Californian sun to the coast on the final leg of our journey west. I start to feel a strange reluctance to trade the routine of the train for the sprawling city of San Francisco.

It’s late afternoon when we stop to refuel. I gaze out at a family scurrying between their cottage and a shiny truck. They wave to the train, then, eager to catch the diminishing light, return to their work. I wonder what could drag them from this place of solitude? But then the engine rumbles. Train journeys are frustrating like this, offering snippets of people’s lives. As we ease away slowly, I take one last look at the sweet family and smile. n

Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it we’ll pay £50. Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

SET-JETTING

FOR BOTANISTS: NORTH YORK MOORS

Starring Colin Firth and Julie Walters, a brand new film adaptation of The Secret Garden is due for release later in 2019. Helmsley Walled Garden’s herbaceous borders and apple trees were supposedly the principal filming location (helmsleywalledgarden.org.uk).

FOR MONROE-LOVERS: LOS ANGELES

Out in August, Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood recalls 1960s Tinseltown. Ditto the Beverly Hills Hotel’s new Marilyn Monroe-themed bungalow, where Norma Jean herself regularly stayed (dorchestercollection.com).

FOR PROPER DERRY GIRLS: NORTHERN IRELAND

Fan of Erin, Orla and co? The local Everglades Hotel offers one-night “Be A Derry Girl” packages following in their raucous footsteps. You’ll tour sites from the hit sitcom before drinking some show-inspired cocktails (hastingshotels.com).

FOR THE SHAKEN NOT STIRRED: SOUTHERN ITALY

Filming locations for the 25th outing of James Bond include Matera, a town whose steep, winding alleyways and ancient cave houses might supply the opening scene. Visit with Prestige Holidays (prestigeholidays.co.uk).

FOR TRUE DETECTIVES: ARKANSAS

This southern US state provided the stage for True Detective’s acclaimed third series—most memorably the eerie forests and caverns of Devil’s Den State Park. Hireable cabins, trails and waterfalls also await (arkansasstateparks.com). n

by Richard Mellor

Travel app of the month

SPECTRE CAMERA , £2.99, IOS

Spectre will transform your photography by enabling long-exposure shots—the best way to capture landscapes and night skies, and to remove pesky people—in up to nine seconds on your iPhone.

FULLY ESCORTED TOUR OF THE MUSIC CITIES OF THE DEEP SOUTH

ELVIS PRESLEY’S MEMPHIS, NEW ORLEANS & NASHVILLE

9 DAY ESCORTED TOUR

Celebrate the sights and sounds of the South as we step into the world of Robert Johnson, Chuck Berry, Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton and of course, Elvis Presley. Cross the Mississippi Delta, where the blues began, to the birthplace of jazz in New Orleans, where you will enjoy the atmosphere of New Orleans’ famous French Quarter. Follow the river to the hometown of The King and rock ‘n’ roll in Memphis before heading west to Nashville, the world capital of country music. Visit the places that inspired some of popular music’s greatest icons and see the studios where they recorded their classic tracks.

WHAT’S INCLUDED

• Includes return flights plus baggage and in-flight meals

• Comfortable, air-conditioned coach travel and transfers

• 7 nights room-only stays in Montgomery, New Orleans, Memphis and Nashville

• The services of a friendly and experienced Tour Manager

• You can add optional tours of New Orleans, Sun Studio in Memphis & Graceland, Country Music Hall of Fame and Studio B in Nashville

Departure Price from

August 2019 £1449pp

September 2019 £1669pp

October 2019 £1499pp

November 2019 £1399pp

February 2020 £1499pp

From price is based on 9 Nov 2019 from Manchester

Other departure airports, dates and hotels available (prices will vary)

FROM £1399pp

Why You Need To Use Cashback Sites

This month, our money expert, Andy Webb, espouses the myriad benefits of shopping online through a Cashback provider

If I offered to give you some money for every time you shopped online, you’d naturally be suspicious. Money for nothing must surely be too good to be true. But not only is this notion a reality thanks to cashback websites, but you can make a decent amount of extra cash using them, with the average user of one site, Quidco, reportedly making £305 a year.

The very simple idea is that retailers pay the cashback sites a commission for every sale they play a part in, and the cashback sites then forward some of that back to you.

Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash

There are two leading sites— Quidco and Topcashback. It’s very simple to use them. You go to your cashback site, and then search for the retailer you want. If the shop is listed, you’ll be given a list of different cashback rates. Sometimes these relate to everything sold, at other times there are different rates for different products. If you like what you see, you then click through to the retailer and shop as normal.

After you’ve made a purchase, the retailer and the cashback site track your purchase. As long as everything has been done according to the terms and conditions, the cashback you’ve earned will appear in your account, and you’ll be able to transfer it out to your own bank account.

Even better, you can earn your cashback without having to pay any fees. So it really is free cash.

What can I get cashback on?

There are thousands of retailers offering cashback, from Marks and Spencers through to Travelodge. You generally only earn small percentages of your spend with the majority of online shops, but this amount can quickly add up over the course of a year.

There are also certain bigger earners, such as broadband from companies including BT and Virgin and insurance from the likes of Admiral and Saga. You can easily earn £100 or more when switching internet provider if you do it via a cashback site—and you’ll often be able to get new customer offers at the same time.

You’ll generally find the same big retailers on both TopCashback and Quidco, though TopCashback claims to have over 5,350 merchants, while

at Quidco there are over 4,500. It’s always worth comparing them when you plan to shop, as the rates on offer do change frequently. One day one site could have the best rate for the shop you want to spend at, and the next day it could be the other.

How can I boost my cashback?

It’s possible to get even more money back. First up, before you join, look for new member deals. It’s possible to get £10, if not more, extra the first time you use each site. A quick search online should bring you the latest bonus offers.

When the cashback is confirmed and paid by the retailer, you can transfer it to your bank account. But you can get a little more if you choose to withdraw it as a gift card. There are quite a few to choose from including Amazon, the National Trust, Starbucks and Love2Shop.

There are also boosted cashback rates or payouts for premium members—though you have to pay £5 a year for each of these, so work out whether you’re likely to get this money back. If you do want to do this it’s probably worth concentrating on just one of the two sites rather than pay extra for both.

Seven Cashback Rules

Before you start spending, there are a few drawbacks and other factors you will want to consider.

1 Don’t spend money because of the cashback

The cashback on offer is never guaranteed, so you need to be sure you can afford something at the full price in case your cashback is rejected— which can sometimes happen.

2 Close down other windows on your screen

Always make sure you click away from the cashback site immediately before you make your purchase. In fact, close down any other tabs in your browser for the retailer and possibly even clear your cookies. This is to make sure the retailer definitely knows that you are coming to their site via the cashback site.

3 Read the terms and conditions

It’s always worth following the instructions to make sure you’re not doing something which could make

you ineligible. For example, any cashback might only be for first time shoppers, or if there’s a minimum spend level, the total you get might not be paid on VAT or delivery charges.

4 Look out for better offers

Though cashback rates are great, you might be able to beat them with voucher codes or other deals, so it’s worth a look, particularly on big purchases. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to use both a discount code and cashback on the same purchase, but it’s worth a go.

6 Check that your purchase has tracked

All tracked sales will appear in your cashback account. If it’s not there then you can put in a claim. It’s worth making a note of each time you use a cashback site with what you bought and how much you spent so you know what you’re asking them to investigate.

5 Cashback isn’t instant

It can sometimes take months for your money to appear in your cashback account. This is often because retailers won’t pay the commission until they know you won’t return the product you bought.

7 Be wary of other cashback sites

I regularly use both the two main cashback sites, which is why I’m confident they’ll be good for you to use. But there are other cashback sites out there, including ones you might have access to through a partnership with your employer, or ones where you’re in with a shot of winning all your cashback back. They could be great. But they won’t all be. So do make sure you do your research if you’re going to use one of these instead. n

A GRAND OLD AGE

The Greenland Shark is the longest living vertebrate on Earth, with a lifespan of up to 600 years. This means there may be Greenland Sharks in our oceans who have been alive since before the birth of Christopher Columbus, and the species doesn’t even reach sexual maturity until the age of 150. Asked why these mysterious animals mature so slowly, marine biologist Julien Nielsen—whose work has revealed much of what we know of these strange creatures—simply said, “I’m just the messenger. I have no idea.”

SOURCE: NEWYORKER.COM

Serves 4-6

2tsp chilli flakes

2tsp dried oregano

4tbsp red wine vinegar

4tbsp olive oil

1 medium sized chicken 4 courgettes

2tbsp olive oil

500g radishes

100g bunch of parsley

50g bunch of mint

1tbsp Nigella seeds

Optional serve: bowl of buttery new potatoes

Summer “Roast”

This summer roast takes the form of a gloriously big salad—but not chicken salad as you know it. There’s no mayonnaise to form the base or pasta to bulk it out. Instead summer herbs keep the flavours light and fresh. It can be served as a seasonal alternative to a roast lunch, particularly when accompanied with a bowl of buttery potatoes and a good bottle of wine

1. Start by making the marinade—which will also double-up as a dressing. Mix together the chilli flakes, oregano, red wine vinegar and olive oil in a small jug. Season with salt and pepper.

2. Pour half the dressing in a resealable bag, add the chicken and refrigerate for 2-12 hours to allow it to marinade. Set aside the remaining half to serve with the salad.

3. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Place the chicken in a roasting tin, pour over the marinade and roast for 45 minutes. Check that the chicken is cooked through by stabbing the thickest part with a knife, and ensuring that the juices run clear.

Rachel Walker is a food writer for numerous national publications. Visit rachel-walker.co.uk for more information

4. Meanwhile, cut the courgette at a diagonal angle at 1cm intervals. Put in a mixing bowl, toss with the olive oil and season with salt. Heat a griddle pan and cook in batches so that each slice develops delicious black char. This will take a little time but is worth the effort and will give the chicken a chance to rest.

5. Wash and halve the radishes, then wash and pick the parsley and mint leaves and slice roughly. Put in a mixing bowl along with the sliced courgette and Nigella seeds. Shred the chicken off the bone while still in the roasting tin, so that the meat soaks in the juices. Add it to the salad and toss through the remaining dressing.

6. Serve with a side dish of buttery roast potatoes. Turn leftovers into a chicken salad by mixing with a little mayonnaise and thinly-sliced spring onions.

TIM & ZOË HILL

Drinks Tip…

Though white is the traditional pairing for chicken, a slightly chilled Beaujolais is a great option for a sunny summer afternoon. Tesco’s Beaujolais

Villages (£7/75cl) is a light red which still stands up to the chilli flakes and oregano

Individual Summer Puddings

Makes 8

1kg soft summer fruit (frozen or fresh)

100ml water

150g caster sugar

1 large loaf of white bread, thinly sliced (slightly stale is preferable)

300ml double cream

Equipment:

silicone muffin tin

Around this time of year soft summer fruit ripens quickly and can result in a glut of strawberries, raspberries and redcurrants. This recipe is a great way of using them up, and the mini puddings can be frozen and easily defrosted later when summer fruit feels like a luxury once more

1. Rinse the summer fruit, put the berries in a pan with the water and sugar and place a lid on. Heat for 2-3 minutes until the fruit softens and starts to give off its juice. Remove from the heat and set aside to cool.

2. Cut the crusts from the bread and then use a circular pastry cutter to create eight circles of bread which sit neatly at the bottom of the muffin tin holes. Then cut another eight circles (using a slightly larger pastry cutter) which will fit as lids.

3. Slice the rest of the bread into thick rectangles which can be wrapped round the sides of the silicone moulds (it’s fine if you need two to make up the length). Now methodically dip the bread into the juice from the summer fruit compote—starting with the small circular base and then the rectangular sides.

Divide the fruit between the holes in the muffin tin and then dip the lids in the remaining juice and press them down on top.

4. Place a tray on top of the muffin tray, weigh it down with a tin of beans and refrigerate overnight. Pop out the individual summer puddings and serve with a dollop of whipped cream. n

SUNSETS OF THE CARIBBEAN

13 NIGHT CRUISE & STAY HOLIDAY

The Sunshine state is your first stop on this tropical getaway. Spend 3 days exploring the buzzing beachside metropolis of Miami. Head to the famous South Beach to soak up some sun, wander through the colourful and geometric buildings of the Art Deco district or venture to ‘Little Havana’ where the scent of coffee and cigars waft through the air. Set sail across the azure waters of the Caribbean to the Southern ‘ABC’ islands. Aruba, Bonaire & Curacao are tucked just off the northern shore of Venezuela and form part of the Leeward Antilles and Dutch Kingdom. Head to Renaissance Island and its famous residents - the Flamingos, which can be seen gracefully striding down the beach.

WHAT’S INCLUDED

• Return flights from London

• Executive airport lounge

• 3 nights 4-star Room Only Hotel in Miami

• Mansions of Miami Tour

• 9 night full board cruise aboard Explorer of the Seas

From price is based on 10 Dec 2019 from London

Other departure airports, dates and hotels available (prices will vary)

FROM £1199pp

Botanical Bliss

This summer, bring the outdoors in by decorating with an on-trend green palette and plenty of natural textures

IHomes and gardens writer and stylist Cassie Pryce specialises in interior trends and discovering new season shopping

ntroduce a sense of tranquillity into your home by following Mother Nature’s lead and using the great outdoors as an inspiration for your décor. If you have a layout that flows into an outdoor space, such as bi-folding doors leading to a patio or even a small balcony off an apartment, make the most of this connection and tie the two together by continuing your styling across both. This could be through the style of furniture you choose or even by creating a display of potted plants starting indoors and extending to the outside.

Natural materials are key to

embracing this look—wood, rattan, wicker and jute, for example, all give a nod to the outdoors and will add interest to any scheme with their earthy textures. Greenery is a good way to refresh any room that is feeling a little lacklustre and introduces a botanical twist to your styling. Living plants will help to promote a healthy environment if you’re willing to care for them. Or, opt for faux greenery if you’re after something hassle-free. Choose statement pots to display your plants and mix and match different species and sizes for variety.

Botanical prints can be introduced through homeware, too. Look out for leafy or jungleinspired designs across bedding, cushions and artwork for themed finishing touches. Whether it’s soft sage, or rich forest hues, splashes of green will perk up a neutral room. n

Going Green

Urban paradise woven stripe cushion, £12; palm print cushion, £12; knitted cushion, £6; mini palm lit cloche, £6; diffuser, £9; glass candle with lid, £8; wooden storage box, £18, all Sainsbury’s

A Staycation Garden

Who needs to voyage abroad when you have a blissful summer paradise right outside your back door? Jessica Summers explores the merits of a holiday at home

Whether you’re saving your pennies or avoiding the extra CO2 you’d contribute to by flying, staying in the UK for your summer holiday is never a bad idea.

If you love to cook and entertain, go a step further than the regular BBQs that grace most English gardens. A show-stopping corner kitchen built using durable outdoor materials will provide a unique area to congregate. A few ideas for what to include are: a pizza oven; a bar with seating; a hut for storage—and to hide from any unfortunate weather turns—and a good old-fashioned grill. Decorations that abide by a rustic, natural theme will look delightful. If you opt to style with some colour, look to your garden’s

flower colour-palette for inspiration. Water and fire are two essential elements during the summer months. Water to cool you down while the sun beams, and fire to warm you up as the night air cools. Consider adding a central feature such as a natural swimming pool, using a fresh spring water source—it doesn’t need chlorine and the upkeep is minimal when built. If you’d rather not commit to a hole in the ground, a tasteful paddling pool never goes amiss. As for the fire, a simple stand-alone firepit to gather around will bring bags of joy.

Soak up your new sunny space with friends, family or in solitude. And rejoice knowing that any money invested into your outdoor sanctuary will be enjoyed for years to come. n

About the House

Products and services designed to enhance your living space

About the House is delighted to be working with the Reader’s Digest Magazine for the first time. In this five page advertorial you can find details of products and services designed to enhance your living experience. About the House readers can also enjoy selected offers from suppliers and service providers. The advertisers in this month’s July edition are “Plant Theatre” Garden furniture designed to combine style with practicality. “Conservatory Insulations” the UK Market Leader for conservatory insulation.

TAKE A SEAT

Sit back and relax in this gorgeous hardwood Adirondack folding chair Stained, oiled and gently rubbed down by hand, the finish is a delight, never mind the width of the paddle style arms to take books and drinks you will be running your hands down them as they are so smooth and tactile.

Reduced from £189.99 to £114.99, matching accessories available to buy separately include a table (down from £73.99 to £44.99), footstool (down from £72.99 to £46.99) high back cushion with pillow headrest (down from £69.99 to £39.99) and chair cover.

To order visit www.plant-theatre.co.uk or telephone 0845 218 0258. The chair arrives flat-packed and part assembled for easy home completion. Includes free UK mainland delivery.

“Conservatory Blinds Ltd.” creating bespoke solutions for any style conservatory, roof lanterns, gables and bi-folding doors, “Smart Garden Offices” the UK’s leading manufacturer for the perfect garden room, office or studio and Quantum heating offering cost efficient storage heating.

You can also visit our website on www.about-the-house.co.uk for more details of our suppliers and service providers.

This month’s Star Buy is brought to you by plant theatre. www.plant-theatre.co.uk

OUR STAR BUY

About the House and the companies shown are wholly independent of Readers Digest. It is recommended that you carry out your own checks before making a purchase. When making a purchase we recommend payment by credit card.

RECOMMENDED BY ANNA RYDER RICHARDSON

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About the House

About the House

IMPROVE YOUR WORK LIFE BALANCE WITH A SMART GARDEN ROOM

IMPROVE YOUR WORK LIFE BALANCE WITH A SMART GARDEN ROOM

Forget the uncertainty of Brexit, the stress, cost and hassle of moving or extending, traffic jams and road rage, long commutes and rising rental costs, and install a garden room instead.

Forget the uncertainty of Brexit, the stress, cost and hassle of moving or extending, traffic jams and road rage, long commutes and rising rental costs, and install a garden room instead.

See all our listings at about-the-house.co.uk

See all our listings at about-the-house.co.uk

Crafted, manufactured and professionally installed across mainland UK in just a matter of days, redefining your living or work space has never been easier. You can then sit back and simply enjoy your new space all year round whilst still adding value to your property. Boasting full thermal insulation and unlimited double glazing, Smart offers a wide choice of styles, sizes and optional extras to suit all tastes, garden sizes and budgets. Prices start from as little as £7,788.

Crafted, manufactured and professionally installed across mainland UK in just a matter of days, redefining your living or work space has never been easier. You can then sit back and simply enjoy your new space all year round whilst still adding value to your property. Boasting full thermal insulation and unlimited double glazing, Smart offers a wide choice of styles, sizes and optional extras to suit all tastes, garden sizes and budgets. Prices start from as little as £7,788.

Call us today on 0800 242 5559 or visit smartgardenoffices.co.uk to order one of our stunning 56-page catalogues or book a FREE no obligation site survey.

Call us today on 0800 242 5559 or visit smartgardenoffices.co.uk to order one of our stunning 56-page catalogues or book a FREE no obligation site survey.

TRANSFORM YOUR HOME WITH STUNNING BESPOKE BLINDS

TRANSFORM YOUR HOME WITH STUNNING BESPOKE BLINDS

Help control the temperature in your conservatory or glazed extension with these specialist blinds. The perfect solution for creating a cosy room on chilly evenings, or reducing heat and glare in Summer, whilst still maintaining natural light.

Help control the temperature in your conservatory or glazed extension with these specialist blinds. The perfect solution for creating a cosy room on chilly evenings, or reducing heat and glare in Summer, whilst still maintaining natural light.

Conservatory Blinds Ltd. manufacture all blinds in their own UK factory, creating bespoke solutions for any style conservatory, orangery, roof lanterns, gables and bi-folding doors.

Conservatory Blinds Ltd. manufacture all blinds in their own UK factory, creating bespoke solutions for any style conservatory, orangery, roof lanterns, gables and bi-folding doors.

Choose from a fantastic range of manual or remote control blinds, with optional smart device integration.

Choose from a fantastic range of manual or remote control blinds, with optional smart device integration.

Call now on 0800 071 8888 or visit conservatoryblinds.co.uk/RD for your free brochure or quotation, and save up to 25% off the most popular blinds.

Call now on 0800 071 8888 or visit conservatoryblinds.co.uk/RD for your free brochure or quotation, and save up to 25% off the most popular blinds.

About the House

See all our listings at about-the-house.co.uk

COST EFFICIENT STORAGE HEATING

Quantum Heating’s Dimplex off-peak heating system uses low-cost, off-peak energy that is up to 47 per cent cheaper to run than electric convector or radiator systems on an on-peak tariff and 27 per cent cheaper to run than standard storage heater systems. It adapts to match lifestyle and climate conditions, delivering heat only when required, and has an easy-to-use thermostat control system with large LCD display. Maintenance-free and

economical to run, perfect for keeping toasty throughout the year.

12 months 0% interest free finance available subject to status. Get £150 cashback when you quote RD24/6 on purchase of two or more Quantum heaters before 1st August 2019. For a free brochure, visit quantum-heating.co.uk or call 0333 014 7771. Heaters to be installed before 1st September 2019. T&Cs apply.

About the House

About the House

See all our listings at about-the-house.co.uk

See all our listings at about-the-house.co.uk

LIE BACK AND RELAX

A beautiful reclining hardwood Steamer Chair with foldable and totally removable foot rest to transform from a lounger into a chair instantly. The steamer chair originated on the decks of ocean liners, hence it is often referred to as the original deck chair. Stained oiled and gently rubbed down by hand, the finish is a delight and matches our furniture range. Reduced from £189.99 to £105.99 includes free UK mainland delivery.

A beautiful reclining hardwood Steamer Chair with foldable and totally removable foot rest to transform from a lounger into a chair instantly. The steamer chair originated on the decks of ocean liners, hence it is often referred to as the original deck chair. Stained oiled and gently rubbed down by hand, the finish is a delight and matches our furniture range. Reduced from £189.99 to £105.99 includes free UK mainland delivery.

Includes free UK mainland delivery. ADVERTISEMENT

The luxury high back cushion designed to fit the complete Steamer with detachable headrest as pictured, is available to buy separately reduced from £69.99 to £39.99 and is also available in navy and beige.

The luxury high back cushion designed to fit the complete Steamer with detachable headrest as pictured, is available to buy separately reduced from £69.99 to £39.99 and is also available in navy and beige.

To order visit

To order visit

www.plant-theatre.co.uk or telephone 0845 218 0258. Unfold straight from the box.

www.plant-theatre.co.uk or telephone 0845 218 0258. Unfold straight from the box.

Includes free UK mainland delivery.

The High Cost Of Saving

In these days of austerity, I’m registered on lots of online sites for private sales.

It’s wonderful. Every day they send emails offering eyewatering bargains. I’m afraid these offers aren’t available to all customers. They’re specifically for me. They say “Dear Anne,” “Hello Anne,” “Just for you, Anne”… I can buy prestigious brands at knock-down prices simply by clicking “Buy now” and entering my card number. It’s crazy, all these products I’d never have thought of buying: a bright red coffee machine, a white armchair… Sure, I don’t have the space for it but there’s 60 per cent off.

And look, here’s a plastic hanging wardrobe to store my winter clothes. How have I managed to live without one of those? There are trips as well. Only £60 a night for this palatial hotel. Is February really the best month to visit Morocco? Wait a minute! Mauritius for 40 per cent

off… I’ll click on that. My heart’s beating faster… “Sorry. This item is no longer available.”

Never mind. Here’s a down jacket reduced by 80 per cent. I’m just not quite sure about the apple green colour.

Oh look, here’s an email from my bank: What?! I’m in the red.

That’s hard to believe, with all the savings I’m making. This month I’ve spent £985, but I’ve saved a whopping £623! I’ll have to explain to the bank just how expensive it is— making savings.

Aha! A vacuum cleaner with 52 per cent off, but only three left. I’d better be quick. There’s no limit to what you can save on special offers. Although, come to think of it, is it me who’s making the most of these opportunities, or online opportunists who’re making the most of me? n

Anne Roumanoff is a well-known French humourist. She lives in Paris

Access all areas with an exciting homelift

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Shoes You Can Walk A Mile In

Lisa Lennkh is a banker turned fashion writer, stylist and blogger. Her blog, The Sequinist, focuses on sparkle and statement style for midlife women

I'm a shameless lover and wearer of beautiful but impractical heels. I’m fortunate that I can still wear heels at my age, but this won’t last forever. Luckily over the past few years, fashion has delivered a strong offering of stylish flat shoes for women. These are worn instead of heels, in an intentional too-cool-forstilettos kind of way. In fact, contrary though it may sound, the worse the shoes look, the more stylish they're considered. After vintage-style Stan Smith Adidas trainers were embraced by everyone from fashion editors to school run mums, Balenciaga correctly read the crowd and wheeled out their "ugly trainers." The point is to wear a lovely dress and juxtapose

the prettiness with a pair of geeky Dad-style clunky trainers.

Where Balenciaga leads, other brands follow. If you use Instagram, you will no doubt have had your fill of ugly trainers by now. Have I bought into this trend myself? Absolutely not. I’m wary of any trend without colour or sparkle, in the same way I’m wary of people who don’t like dogs. While Dad Trainers feel a little "emperor’s new clothes" to me, I do welcome comfortable shoes. Although not always quite as beautiful as heels, they're fast becoming a fashion necessity.

Last summer, flat shoes like pool slides, flip flops, and Birkenstocks were all over the runways as well as the streets, alongside colourful trainers. This summer, in the battle to incorporate comfort and shock value in one shoe, designers are copying the famous Teva hiking sandals—velcro straps and all. Relaunched in a new range of joyful

colours, along with their classic black patterned straps, you might be tempted to sneak these out of your beach bag and into your everyday wardrobe. I can see them working well with a simple loose maxi dress or long skirt. A dear friend always packs Tevas when she travels; she swears by their extreme comfort for hours of walking and exploring. The fun colour-blocking plus this degree of comfort sold me, so I’ve now put myself on the wait list for this yellow pair of Tevas.

Collectively, women aren't ready to give up comfort and step back into heels again for everyday wear. Even I, a dedicated heel wearer, feel that they can now look too try-hard and dated, unless worn for a special event. A flat shoe is stylish, age-friendly, comfortable, and after years of platforms and vertiginous stilettos, they feel like a welldeserved fashion break. I'm wearing flats this summer to run around in everyday and to add a more relaxed style to my fairly structured wardrobe. Trainers do have their place in my wardrobe, but it really isn't my style to wear them often. Somehow, I’d rather wear an ugly sandal than an ugly trainer! The key thing to remember when wearing any type of ugly shoe is to keep the rest of the outfit stylish. They only work with something like a lovely dress, a sharp suit, or an edgy colourful skirt. It needs to look intentional, not thrown together. Ugly shoes don't work with jeans and a tee shirt. If you wear a basic outfit like jeans and a top, go the opposite direction on the shoe— dress it up with a sequinned babouche (like my favourite gold flower ones from Kurt Geiger, left) a colourful flat with a statement bow, or a sparkly flat sandal. It's that mix and clash of styles that keeps everything looking fresh and modern. n

Footnotes

Jenessa Williams offers up tips for the perfect pedicure

Sandal season is truly upon us, and with it can come a serious fear of exposing our toes. Often neglected through the winter, dry, cracked feet can put a serious dent in both your comfort and confidence, but worry not; there are plenty of easy ways to put the pep back in your step.

For particularly bad offenders, be sure to buff away any rough parts before applying moisture—water will only mask the areas in need of the most treatment. If opting for electricals, choose a small, cordless pumice device that is angled for easy use, and remember to use on a low speed setting while you get your bearings. Regular pumice stones can work just as well, but require a little more patience. Use a fine grain for delicate skin, and a coarser buffer for heels and calluses.

Sock soaks are the latest in pedicure must-haves, and for good reason. Simply slip them on, relax and allow a rich blend of moisturising ingredients to work their magic. Look for formulations

that include ingredients such as mint and aloe vera to cool and calm any particularly achy parts. Once softened, use a cuticle tool to gently push back any skin rather than cutting. It’s much kinder on the feet and creates a much more even finish to applying a nourishing nail treatment. All that remains is to pick your favourite polish colour, ready to step out in style. n

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Cuticle Stick, £13.99

NEVER LOOK AWAY

Human drama and history unravel on a grand scale in Florian Henckel von Donnersmack’s latest masterpiece

Now, don’t get us wrong; Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s latest epic is not the lightest watch in the world. At three and a half hours it requires a certain amount of physical stamina just to sit through. It also tackles several demanding thematic undercurrents: politics, art, love, history—it’s all of life’s foundations and nuances encapsulated in one film. But man, can von Donnersmarck pull it off.

The story revolves around the life of Kurt Barnert, starting with his traumatic childhood in the 1940s, plagued by tragedy and loss, through to his adult years as a gifted, discerning artist whose

life is an endless stream of trials and cruel curveballs. Dissatisfied with the limited opportunities and narrow world view dominating East Germany, he escapes with his young wife to the West but his painful past under the Nazis follows him wherever he goes.

Von Donnersmarck ploughs us with an unrelenting stream of cutting human emotion that you’ll feel with every fibre of your being. Each reflection, glance and word is nothing if not relatable on the most cellular level to anyone who’s ever lived, breathed and felt something, with many wise but never-patronising messages to chew on and treasure. Never Look Away is a huge cinematic feat and, trust us, even after three and a half hours, you won’t want it to end.

HORROR: IN FABRIC

Director Peter Strickland serves us festishism and witchcraft with lashings of blood in his weird new comedy horror. Our heroine is a somewhat unlikely one: a haunted red dress, that goes from owner to owner turning their lives upside down. Gloriously atmospheric, alluringly red and eerily sensual, In Fabric simply screams 1970s giallo and David Lynch. But don’t worry, it’s not just a glossy-looking skin flick. It has some feisty things to say about consumerism, human vanity, greed and ego.

Ultimately, the film will do to you what the dress does to its unsuspecting victims: reveal to you your darkest, innermost cravings and desires— hopefully without the gore.

DOCUMENTARY: PAVAROTTI Tracing the life of the owner of one of the most prolific voices of the 20th century, Luciano Pavarotti, this exhilarating documentary comes from the Oscarwinning director Ben Howard. Offering clips from some of the tenor’s most iconic performances as well as never-beforeseen footage, it’s a spine-tingling portrait of a complex man whose life was marked by many contradictions and great drama.

BIOGRAPHY: VITA AND VIRGINIA

Writers Virginia Woolf (Elizabeth Debicki) and Vita Sackville-West (Gemma Arterton) shared a passionate, decadelong relationship which fed and inspired a significant number of both of their works and transformed them as individuals. This steamy affair is captured here in fetching fashion through dreamy cinematography, exquisite production design and a pulsating electro soundtrack that invigorates the sometimes-stale rhythm. As any tale of the thrill of a new relationship, Vita and Virginia can be exhilarating but sadly lacks the substance to work as a robust biopic.

by Eva Mackevic

TASKMASTER: SERIES 8 (DAVE)

What is it? A summer-season standby: comedians put through bizarre mental and physical challenges by Greg Davies and Alex Horne.

Why should I watch it? Over eight seasons, this cult favourite has carved out a niche as the closest British comedy has to its own Olympics, offering much the same spectacle and competitive fervour, but also, crucially, regular chuckles.

Best competitor? This year’s favourite is Car Share’s Sian Gibson, but don’t rule out crafty Chase thinker Paul Sinha.

I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE (NETFLIX)

Inspired sketch show from Andy Samberg’s Lonely Island troupe; the “Baby of the Year” skit is already a classic.

YEARS AND YEARS (BBC1)

What is it? Ambitious, underseen social drama from writer Russell T Davies, centring on the lives of the thoroughly British Lyons family. Why should I watch it? Unlike that sector of TV that has settled altogether cosily into the past, Davies here pitches his characters into a credible near-future in a bold fusion of soap and science fiction. The results are both intimate and farreaching, exhilarating and terrifying, and supremely attuned to how vulnerable we’ve become to the slightest geopolitical fluctuations. Best character? The superb ensemble is headed by Emma Thompson, cast scarily against type as TV personality-turnedrabblerousing politico Viv Rook.

by Mike McCahill

WHAT TO STREAM THIS MONTH:

SELECTION DAY (NETFLIX)

Netflix India’s appealingly gentle drama rounds off its first season, with a few surprises up the sleeves of its cricket whites.

WHEN THEY SEE US (NETFLIX)

This dramatisation of the Central Park Five case shines new light on one of America’s most notorious miscarriages of justice.

ALBUM OF THE MONTH:

EGOLI BY AFRICA EXPRESS

There are numerous reasons why you should listen to Africa Express’ new album, EGOLI. As with all the organisation’s past projects, the idea behind this record is a really cool one: through collaborations with such high-profile Western artists as Damon Albarn, Super Furry Animals’ Gruff Rhys or Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ Nick Zinner, Africa Express continue their mission of showcasing the vibrant and varied African music scene, this time travelling to South Africa (“eGoli” is the alternative Zulu name for Johannesburg) for seven days to record music with the local artists.

And the result is as pleasantly surprising and fresh as you’d expect. Spanning 18 diverse tracks, EGOLI joyfully toys with sunny reggae motifs, gets down and dirty for some hefty hip hop beats and boogies down to clubby electro numbers that give off strong Noughties’ Kylie Minogue vibes. It’s a clubby, warm collection of catchy ditties that shine a new light on traditional African folk music and are bound to get you moving your hips.

Key tracks: “Johannesburg”, “Become the Tiger”, “Africa to the World”

by Eva Mackevic

READER RADAR: JUDE SHAYEB, STUDENT AND WRITER

WATCHING: RACE ACROSS THE WORLD: BBC TWO A high stakes competition where teams start in London and race by road and rail to Singapore for a cash prize of £10,000—I found it to be a thrilling watch.

ONLINE: HOUZZ

An interior design app that gives examples of beautifully puttogether decor and room ideas—a perfect source of creative inspiration.

READING: ANGELS AND DEMONS BY DAN BROWN it’s the prequel to his bestseller The Da Vinci Code, which is one of my favourite thrillers.

LISTENING: SONGS OF INNOCENCE BY U2

My favourite album and collection of old-school songs. It has deep and meaningful lyrics mixed with a pacy, upbeat soundtrack.

July Fiction

Exploring first love and later life, this month’s pageturners come from two much-loved British writers at the top of their game…

Sweet Sorrow by David Nicholls (Hodder, £20)

Remember 2011, when every bus, train and beach seemed to be populated exclusively by people reading One Day by David Nicholls? Well, with Sweet Sorrow, Nicholls may well be poised to do it again.

The narrator is Charlie Lewis, now in his mid-thirties—although the main action takes place in the summer of 1997, when he’s 16. Following his parents’ separation Charlie is living with his deeply depressed father (whose preferred euphemism for his condition is “a bit blue”). “The tyranny of banter” means that his social life consists mostly of exchanging insults with his friends— rather than, say, talking to them.

Then, while escaping it all on a bike ride, Charlie meets the dazzling,

James Walton is a book reviewer and broadcaster, and has written and presented 17 series of the BBC

Radio 4 literary quiz

The Write Stuff

significantly posher Fran and is so smitten that he even joins her amateurdramatic company. Cue a pitch-perfect portrait of the thrills, joys and annoyingly intrusive anxieties of first love.

Sweet Sorrow describes what’s still the most memorable summer of Charlie’s life with a tenderness that’s never remotely soppy. It also displays the same miraculous ability as One Day to combine lightness of tone and lots of good jokes with an underlying melancholy—and, by the end, real emotional punch.

The Carer by Deborah Moggach (Tinder Press, £16.99)

In our hypercritical age—where one slip of the tweet can lead to any amount of gleeful outrage—the novels of Deborah Moggach are a much-needed tonic. It’s not that she’s unaware of human foibles. On the contrary: her books are full of people who follow their hearts (or loins) in all sorts of

misguided ways. Yet, rather than condemning their messy behaviour, Moggach regards it with a kindly and often amused eye—understanding that, as one character in The Carer gradually comes to realise, pretty much everybody is “just a normal, faulty human being”.

The carer of the title is the cheerfully brassy Mandy, who has been employed to look after James, a cultured, octogenarian ex-academic living in the Cotswolds. Somewhat to the alarm of his grown-up children, she soon introduces him to the delights of such things as shopping centres, daytime TV and village gossip. But is she up to something more sinister?

Halfway through, we get our answer—in a terrific twist that I can’t possibly reveal, but that adds an extra layer of poignancy (and some great new characters) to this sharp, witty, characteristically generous and gallopingly readable novel.

Name the author

Can you guess the writer from these clues (the fewer you need the better)?

1. His surname is also the name of the only official language, by law, in the UK.

2. An innocent hobby provided the title of his far-from-innocent first novel.

3. That novel, set in Edinburgh, became a Danny Boyle film starring Ewan McGregor.

Answer on p126

Paperbacks

The Man Who Didn’t Call

by Rosie Walsh (Pan, £7.99)

After a perfect week together, Sarah’s new man fails to contact her as promised. Was he just using her or is there another, far darker reason? (Clue: he wasn’t just using her.)

Hitler’s British Traitors

by Tim Tate (Icon, £10.99)

Eye-opening, thoroughly-researched account of the Brits who worked for a German victory in the war.

Aftershocks

by A N Wilson (Atlantic, £8.99)

An earthquake has effects that go well beyond physical destruction in this clever and moving novel.

And Thank You for Watching

by Mark Austin (Atlantic, £8.99)

The TV journalist and foreign correspondent spills the beans on his long career from Mandela’s release to Trump’s White House.

A Shot in the Dark

by Lynne Truss (Raven, £8.99)

One of those rare comic crime novels that actually succeeds in being both funny and a properly constructed mystery.

RD’S RECOMMENDED READ

Labour Pains

This month’s recommended read reckons with the beauty and tragedy of one mother’s experience with prematue birth and the debt we all owe to the NHS

When the novelist

Francesca Segal became pregnant with identical

twin girls, everything went so well for a while that she achieved the desired state of being “smug and unbearable”. But then, during the 30th week, she woke in the night bleeding heavily. Given the dangers that premature babies face (and Segal provides a hair-raisingly comprehensive list) the hospital where she was taken tried hard to save her pregnancy. The following day, though, the doctors had no choice but to deliver her daughters, who weighed in at around two pounds each. Suddenly Segal found herself “pulled far from the current of normal motherhood”, her babies’ fate in the hands of advanced

Mother Ship by Francesca Segal is published by Chatto & Windus at £14.99

medicine instead of hers and her husband Gabe’s.

In this riveting book she writes beautifully about what happened over the next couple of months when all ordinary life was suspended, to be replaced by an exhausting cycle of hope and fear. Particularly moving are the friendships she developed with the other mothers in the same situation. In what the hospital calls “the expressing room”—but that the women refer to as “the milking shed”—vital information is exchanged, mutual support

generously given and gallows humour shared.

To begin with, Segal feels almost beside the point as the doctors go about their business. “To flag down a medic here,” she says early on, “is like trying to hail a Formula One racing car as a taxi.” But the more she sees of how well her daughters are looked after, the more she comes to respect the NHS (see sidebar)—and the incredible job its staff do.

In this passage, it’s the day after the birth, and she’s about to see her daughters for the first time:

At this hospital the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit has wards of four beds, and a minimum of two nurses present on each ward at all times. The soundtrack is a combination of control tower, computer-server room and busy canteen, as orders are called out, and a thousand toaster ovens ping, over and over. It is dark but for the banks of monitors, displaying incomprehensible data. It could be the cockpit of a space ship.

Each small astronaut has a temperature monitor, an oxygen saturation probe, a series of heart monitors, and most have TPN, Total Parenteral Nutrition, a mix of glucose, protein and lipids provided by an intravenous pump. Any and all of these machines can beep, either to alert the nurses to a problem or sometimes simply just to say a quick

“The egalitarian compassion of the NHS”: more from Mother Ship

“I have read of American families [in our position] selling homes, forced to weigh and value every scan, every test and medication against the financial ruin to follow.

Gabe and I have been exceptionally lucky: until last week, neither of us had spent a night in hospital since our own births. But the NHS has been here for us all along nonetheless, invisible in its familiarity, too old, too lumbering to win the songs of gratitude and romance it deserves. In good times it goes all but unnoticed, like the hard invisible work of a loving parent, mentioned only in articles decrying understaffed departments, long waiting lists. And of course the NHS is, like all human constructions, imperfect. But its sheer moral courage as an endeavour makes it an institution of which we should be inordinately proud. It is a monument to means-blind, universal compassion, and to goodness.”

*hello, no problem at present*. The babies in this room are not well babies: one or other of their alarms go off somewhere in the region of once a minute, sometimes continuously.

Over time, I will come to find the five rising notes of the TPN infusion pump particularly appalling, for this usually indicates that an intravenous tube has been dislodged or occluded and another will need to be inserted, another vein punctured. Beeping of any sort will set me on edge for a long time: at home I will develop a habit of standing vigil by the microwave to stop it just before it finishes.

These two on the left, side by side in two incubators, these two, says the doctor, they are my daughters. The room is in shadows, and each lies in a pool of sapphire light, for jaundice. A is doll-sized; B is smaller still. Their skin is too fragile for clothes. They have been positioned on their stomachs, curled in deep oval nests of rolled towels and rough hospital sheets printed with faded clowns beneath A, faded teddy bears beneath

And the name of the author is… Irvine Welsh—author of Trainspotting, which was adapted into the cult classic movie in 1996, with its sequel T2 Trainspotting following in 2017

“My daughters’ faces remain a secret, known only to each other”

B. They are both wearing white cloth hats, white Velcro sunglasses, and their noses and mouths are obscured by a mask delivering continuous Positive Airway Pressure, CPAP, to force their stiff, unready lungs to breathe. A feeding tube disappears between their lips and down their throats. Their faces remain a secret known only to each other.

They have no fingernails, no toenails, and later when they lose the Audrey Hepburn shades I will see they have no brows or lashes. These are not essential components of a human being for my daughters are clearly humanoid. I press my face to the glass. I see red starfish hands, and fleshless arms, bone-shaped. I can trace their circulation, the fine leafveining of tributaries clearly visible beneath their backs’ translucent skin. Their forming selves are exposed, caught in the act of becoming. I feel my intrusion upon them: they were not ready.

They are the furthest from me, and the furthest from one another that they have ever been. I do not recognise them. They are otherworldly in their strangeness.

Books

THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Melinda Gates is a businesswoman and co-founder of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation with her husband, Bill Gates. Her new book, The Moment of Lift, is out now, published by Pan Macmillan

A Wrinkle in Time

BY MADELEINE L’ENGLE

A Wrinkle in Time was my introduction to science fiction. When I picked it up at our school library, I had never read anything like it before. The protagonist, Meg Murry, is an ordinary girl thrust into extraordinary circumstances when her beloved father goes missing on another planet. My own father was an aerospace engineer who helped send astronauts into outer space, so I felt a special connection to Meg and her journey across the universe to bring her dad home.

Cry, the Beloved Country

BY ALAN PATON

Cry, the Beloved Country is about a man and his son—and another man and his son—and how poverty, racism, and violence shape their lives. While it might be hard to believe that a book that takes on such difficult topics could be uplifting, it is. It’s full of characters who insist on answering the worst of human nature with the best of it.

Mighty Be Our Powers

BY LEYMAH GBOWEE

In 2011, Leymah Gbowee won the Nobel Peace Prize for her role in organising a women’s movement that helped end Liberia’s civil war. She opens her unforgettable memoir by declaring “This is not a traditional war story… You have not heard it before, because it’s an African woman’s story, and our stories rarely are told.” Her book is about the power of women coming together—and the important work of bringing them together. n

…You Wanna Take This Outside?

When summer comes around, it’s tempting to kick back in a deckchair and spurn all technology—but some devices are best enjoyed al fresco

KING OF GRILLING

Tons of smart products promise to help you barbecue, from Weber’s iGrill range of connected meat thermometers (from £59) to the bells-and-whistles

Everdure by Heston Blumenthal 4K (£1800), a web-connected charcoal grill with internal air probes as standard. But, really: if you want to avoid burning your meat, all you need is a timer. The GrillTime app (£1.99) is simple to use, even with greasy fingers. Just select your meat, its weight and how you’d like it cooked, and it’ll tell you the optimal cooking temperature and how many minutes to grill for, and set a timer accordingly.

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

SWIPE AND SPRINKLE

While you bake on the beach, you can still keep your garden green, with the Gardena Smart Sensor Control Set (£449). With a swipe of the app you can see the temperature and soil conditions back home, and automate your sprinkler (pleasingly, visitors to your garden can also control the tap manually without dismantling the smart system). The kit includes a “gateway” box, roughly the size of an internet router, which needs to be constantly plugged in; a little cumbersome perhaps, but certainly preferable to cramming a load of computer parts inside a hose.

HOT STUFF

If you love the idea of having a hot tub, but don’t want it hogging up a big slab of your lawn all year, the 87 jet Lay-Z Spa Helsinki Airjet (£599) offers an indulgent solution. When inflated, it can (at a squeeze) accommodate seven guests and up to 1,123 litres of water. That’s right, I said “inflated”: you can deflate it and keep it in the shed when you’re done hot-tubbing for the season; or, if you don’t mind keeping the pump running in power-saving mode, you can use it year-round. Its wood-effect cladding gives it a premium feel, but it’s much more affordable than the acrylic alternatives.

Soundtrack

Your Summer

If you’re comparing water-resistant Bluetooth speakers, the KitSound Diggit (£39) has an eye-catching USP: it’s mounted on a removable stake. This is not for savaging your enemies, but rather for stabbing into the soil (or sand, or snow) to create a portable, freestanding, 360° garden speaker. The sound quality won’t win any awards, but is solid for the price, and its luxury looks—silver and wooden case, light-up LED controls— will impress the neighbours, even if your music choices don’t.

You Couldn’t Make It Up

Win £30 for your true, funny stories!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

MY HUSBAND IS A GOLF INSTRUCTOR and he never fails to amuse me with some of the remarks his customers come up with.

He asked one if she knew of a way the game of golf could be improved and she replied, “Well I’ve always thought the holes are far too small.”

LEONA HECKMAN, Denbighshire

I WAS GOING OUT ONE EVENING and was waiting for my friends to pick me up, but they were late. A car pulled up outside and I dashed out and leapt in.

“About time,” I joked, belting up and looking round at everyone, wondering why they were being so quiet. It was then that I realised my friends had just pulled up over the road… ESTHER NEWTON Berkshire

MY GRANDFATHER TOLD ME ABOUT A TIME IN THE 1930S when our family had their first radio. Being a novelty back then they had it playing quite regularly.

However, whenever they switched it on their neighbour in the adjoining

property started banging on the wall. This went on for a while until one day there was a knock on the door. It was the neighbour, and he asked my grandfather to be more considerate.

My grandfather said, “We never ever have it on very loud” to which the neighbour replied,

“That’s the trouble. Could you please turn it up in future, we haven't got one!”

DAVID WEBB, West Sussex

I AM ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD AT ALL WITH PLANTS, but I do try. One

day, our neighbour found a potted plant on the paving near our garden gate so she brought it in to us.

“I think the wind caught it” she said.

“No, it wasn’t the wind,” my husband retorted, “it was trying to escape.”

JEENA SUMNER, London

I READ ALOUD THE RESULTS OF A SURVEY which studied whether men or women use more words in a day. The outcome said women use 28,000 while men only use 14,000. I added that it was probably because women always have to repeat themselves because men don't listen.

My husband then turned around and said, “What?”

LOIS JONES, Denbighshire

I GOT A TEXT MESSAGE FROM MY FATHER, which read “I've got something to tell you. Are you sitting down? Your brother was adopted.”

I nearly fell off my chair and was just beginning to think how insensitive he was to tell me in a text. But thankfully he sent another, “Oh I hate predictive text... Your brother has been accepted by a university!”

SALI THOMAS, Denbighshire

MY DAUGHTER RECENTLY TOLD me about how her primary school teacher had brought in some food to make a French lesson more visual and interesting.

She recalled that they had baguettes and pain au chocolat and

then paused for a while.

When I asked what she was thinking about she said, “I can't remember the French word for croissant.”

STUART APPLEBY, Devon

WHEN I PLAYED GAMES WITH MY son, I used to let him win. But then I decided he should learn that in life things don’t always go your way. So, I won the next game which clearly bothered him. While in a long queue in the supermarket later that day he said in a loud voice,

“Don't beat me again, Mummy, I don't like it.”

I got some very suspicious looks!

AVA JACOBS, Cheshire

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW WASN’T SMOKING and I commented on this thinking that perhaps she was giving up. But she said she just had a bad cold and chose not to smoke when she was sick.

My father-in-law then piped up saying, “Well in that case, you would probably live a lot longer if you got ill more often!”

MICHAELA BRYN, Merseyside

OVER THE YEARS MY HUSBAND has become increasingly hard of hearing yet is in denial about it. When I challenged him about it recently, his response was,

“It’s not that I can’t hear you, it’s just that I don’t know what you are saying!”

LIZ TUBBY, Norfolk

YES I want to subscribe to Reader’s Digest Magazine for just £3 for 3 issues (a saving of £8.37 on the shop price of £11.37 based on the cover price of £3.79 per issue). I understand that if I do not wish to continue receiving Reader’s Digest after my first 3 issues I can simply cancel my subscription by contacting customer services. If I do want to continue to subscribe after my first 3 issues I need do nothing and my subscription will automatically be renewed at the low rate of £7.50 for every 3 issues until I decide otherwise.

IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power

Planning a visit to the Louvre, the Met, London’s National Gallery, or another grand museum this summer? First take our quiz to make sure you have an artful vocabulary. Turn the page for answer

BY EMILY COX & HENRY RATHVON

1. graphic adj.—A: clearly pictured. B: sculpted of marble. C: roughly composed.

2. canon n.—A: string of images. B: standard for evaluation. C: negative review.

3. symmetry n.—A: framing and matting. B: balanced proportions. C: imitation.

4. cartography n.—A: mapmaking. B: painted wagons. C: travelling exhibits.

5. panoramic adj.—A: of film artistry. B: shown in miniature. C: sweeping.

6. opaque adj.—A: deceptive. B: not transparent. C: moulded in plaster.

7. juxtapose v.—A: to sit for a portrait. B: render precisely. C: place side by side.

8. kinetic adj.—A: copied identically.

B: showing movement. C: picturing countryside.

9. kitschy adj.—A: in a collage. B: tacky. C: macraméd.

10. baroque adj.—A: highly ornamented. B: plain in style. C: traditional.

11. manifesto n.—A: statement of principles. B: gallery opening. C: watercolour technique.

12. avant-garde adj.—A: retro. B: scandalous. C: cutting-edge.

13. aesthetics n.—A: acid engravings. B: pleasing appearance. C: works in the outdoor air.

14. anthropomorphic adj.—A: of cave art. B: made from clay. C: humanlike.

15. analogous adj.—A: somewhat shapeless. B: made of wood. C: having a likeness.

Answers

1. graphic—[A] clearly pictured. The depiction of the love scene was a little too graphic for me.

2. canon—[B] standard for evaluation. Monet’s works are certainly the canon by which we should measure other Impressionist paintings.

3. symmetry—[B] balanced proportions. Ever the jokester, Dean asked, “When Picasso looked in the mirror, was his face all out of symmetry too?”

4. cartography—[A] mapmaking. No need to test my cartography skills when I’ve got a GPS in the car.

5. panoramic—[C] sweeping. Eric and Christine were overwhelmed by the photo’s panoramic proportions.

6. opaque—[B] not transparent. Notice the opaque colours he chose for the backdrop.

7. juxtapose—[C] place side by side. Now that you’ve juxtaposed the photos, I agree—they’re not at all alike.

8. kinetic—[B] showing movement. I thought someone was behind me, but it was a rather kinetic statue.

9. kitschy—[B] tacky. Leo thinks anything that isn’t Rembrandt is just kitschy.

10. baroque—[A] highly ornamented. Alex’s baroque-inspired sketches were criticised for being too busy.

11. manifesto—[A] statement of principles. Art manifestos often come across as pretentious and superior.

12. avant-garde—[C] cutting-edge. Holly dropped out of school to join an avant-garde painting troupe.

13. aesthetics—[B] pleasing appearance. Ironically, Joziah’s darker portraits most accurately captured the aesthetics of the city.

14. anthropomorphic—[C] humanlike. The artist combined everyday street items into an anthropomorphic figure.

WORD OF THE DAY*

BATHYSMAL:

Pertaining to the depths of the ocean

Alternative suggestions:

“Another name for a pair of Speedos”

“When there isn't enough water in the tub, so you have an unsatisfying soak”

15. analogous— [C] having a likeness. Right now, my brain is analogous to that flat, empty canvas. n

VOCABULARY RATINGS

9 & below: Light sketcher

10–12: Skilled artisan

13–15: Old master

Brainteasers

TREASURES

Can you locate 12 hidden treasures in the empty cells of this grid? The numbers outside indicate how many treasures there are in each row or column. Each arrow points directly toward one or more of the treasures— and does not share a cell with one. An arrow may be immediately next to a treasure it points to, or it may be farther away. Not every treasure will necessarily have an arrow pointing to it.

ENIGMA

What should the next diagram in this sequence look like?

TIMES SQUARE

Fill in each cell with a digit from 1 through 9. Each number outside the grid is the product of the digits in its row or column. Important: the number 1 will appear exactly once in each row and column. Other numbers can be repeated, and not every digit from 1 through 9 will be used. Can you complete the grid?

A WEIGHTY MATTER

The mass of an object in kilograms (kg) stays the same no matter where it is, but its weight in newtons (N) changes along with gravitational conditions. On Earth, Mari weighs 686 N and has a mass of 70 kg. Her German shepherd, Chip, weighs 343 N with a mass of 35 kg. On Mars, they each weigh 38 per cent of their Earth weight. On the Moon, they each weigh 16 per cent of it. Which one weighs more: Mari on the Moon or Chip on Mars?

Bonus: Which one has the most mass?

CAPITAL IDEA

Below is a list of national capitals as their names are rendered in official languages of their respective countries (without accents). There’s a way to enter six of them into the grid, one per row or column, so that they intersect like a crossword. They must be entered left to right or top to bottom, without skipping squares. Each capital city must intersect with three others. Not every square needs to have a letter in it. Can you fill in the six cities? One letter has been placed to get you started.

ANKARA (Turkey); BAMAKO (Mali); BOGOTA (Colombia); DAKAR (Senegal); HARARE (Zimbabwe); JAKARTA (Indonesia); KAMPALA (Uganda); LUSAKA (Zambia); MALABO (Equatorial Guinea); MBABANE (Eswatini); OTTAWA (Canada); SUVA (Fiji); TARAWA (Kiribati).

Brainteasers: Answers

TREASURES

ENIGMA

The diagrams are numbers counting up by 14, pushed together so they overlap slightly. The sequence leaves off at 70, so the next diagram should represent 84.

TIMES SQUARE

A WEIGHTY MATTER

wEight: Chip on Mars

Mass: Mari on the moon (and everywhere else.)

CAPITAL IDEA

READER’S DIGEST

£50 PRIZE QUESTION

Answer published in the August issue

EyEs down for a full housE!

Can you identify these bingo calls and their related numbers from the picture clues?

THE FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WE PICK WINS £50!*

Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

ANSWER TO JUNE’S PRIZE QUESTION

VCHOA = havoc

AND THE £50 GOES TO… Maureen Julian, London

Laugh!

Win £30 for every reader’s joke we publish!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

A BURGLAR BROKE INTO A HOUSE in the middle of the night. He shined his torch around, looking for valuables, when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus knows you’re here.”

The thief nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his torch light off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Moments later, clear as a bell he heard the words again, “Jesus is watching you.”

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, he saw a pet parrot.

“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

Dogs With Jobs

These puppies are on shift K9 till 5, working hard to make their humans’ lives that little bit easier. (via boredpanda.com)

“Yes”, the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the parrot.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“The same kind of people who would name a pit bull Jesus,” the parrot replied.

SEEN ON REDDIT

AS I HANDED MY FATHER HIS 80th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”

SEEN ON TWITTER

“JUST FOR MEN” HAIR DYE adverts don’t work because the good looking guy with black or grey hair looks good either way. Give me a fat school janitor whose dark hair makes his eyes pop and then maybe I’ll start paying attention.

COMEDIAN KYLE FIELDS

TODAY I LEARNED THAT HUMANS eat more bananas than monkeys.

I wasn’t surprised. I can’t even remember the last time that I ate a monkey.

SEEN ON TWITTER

HOW MANY MYSTERY WRITERS does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and another to give it an unexpected twist at the end. SEEN ON FACEBOOK

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MAN who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

SIDONIE CHAFFER-MELLY, London

TWO PRIESTS WERE WALKING down the street when a very drunk

man approached them. Turning to the first priest, he said, “Hello, I’m Jesus Christ.”

“No you’re not,” the priest replied.

So the man turned to the second priest and said, “I’m Jesus Christ.”

“No, son,” the priest replied, “you’re certainly not.” Getting frustrated, the drunken man told the priests that he could prove it, if they’d follow him to the nearest bar.

As they entered, the barman took one look at the drunk man and shouted, “Jesus Christ, not you again!”

SEEN ON REDDIT

I WENT BOOK SHOPPING RECENTLY and asked the shop assistant if they had any books on turtles. “Hardback?”

“Yes,” I replied, “and little heads.”

COMEDIAN MARK SIMMONS

I HAD A JOB INTERVIEW RECENTLY and they asked me if I can perform under pressure.

I said, “I’m not sure, but I can definitely perform ‘Another One Bites The Dust.’ ” SEEN ON REDDIT

Unlucky In Life

Twitter users share examples of how they knew they hadn’t been gifted with the luck gene…

@SaneMomOfMany: “I thought I had won the lottery after I hit all five powerball numbers… then I realised I was looking at a ticket from the week before.”

@AnjlFan: “As a child, I fell over while going through a haunted house ride. I twisted my ankle and fell down crying, but everybody thought I was an actor and just stepped over me.”

@Bear_Noey: “Out of habit from texting my wife, I ended a text to my boss with, ‘I love you.’ He replied, ‘I love you too.’ ”

@ColbyBaroned: “I left a drunken voicemail for my ex asking her to come over. She never showed up. Turned out I had sent it to my mum. She did show up.”

A FRIEND OF MINE WAS TURNING A profit by stealing the water off the tops of the grass in a field. The farmer said that if he gave it back, he wouldn’t say anything.

I told him, “That’s fair enough. You’ve got to give him his dew.”

IAN MCNAUGHTON, South Glamorgan

MY DOCTOR HAS PRESCRIBED ME SOME anti-gloating cream.

I can’t wait to rub it in.

SEEN ONLINE

A MAN JOINS A MONASTERY AND TAKES his vow of silence. He is permitted to speak just once every seven years.

After the first seven, the elders ask him for two words. “Hard bed,” he says. They simply nod and send him away.

Another seven years pass and they ask him in again. This time he says, “Bad food.” They nod once more, and send him away.

Once seven more years have passed, the man clears his throat and declares, “I quit.”

“That’s not surprising,” the elders reply. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.

SUBMITTED VIA EMAIL

I PAID A VISIT TO MY ALLOTMENT LAST week and discovered that there was twice as much soil there as the week before.

The plot thickens.

CROSSWORD ANSWERS

SEEN ON REDDIT

Across: 9 Close-up, 10 Optical, 11 Audio, 12 Eucharist, 13 Cocker spaniel, 20 Knee, 21 Rated, 22 Aunt, 23 Contemplation, 32 Physician, 33 Price, 34 Average, 35 Elf-like.

Down: 1 Scrap, 2 Voodoo, 3 Rework, 4 Appear, 5 Toecap, 6 Strain, 7 Active, 8 Blitz, 13 Cynic, 14 Clean, 15 Eerie, 16 Set-up, 17 Ardua, 18 Iraqi, 19 Lenin, 24 Oxygen, 25 Tribal, 26 Mailed, 27 Longer, 28 Tip-off, 29 Origin, 30 Spray, 31 Tepee.

60-Second

Stand-Up

We laugh with American comic, Jena Friedman

WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT SHOW? I’m still figuring that out. But probably the end.

WHO INSPIRES YOUR COMEDY? The current political moment in America.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUNNY TALES ABOUT A TIME YOU BOMBED ON STAGE? It wasn’t necessarily bombing, but I performed for a bunch of people who were Trump supporters, and it was a funny set. It was funny in a “meta” way because they weren’t really laughing but I got them to laugh a little bit in the end, which was cool. Right now it’s hard to talk about certain things in certain parts of the US. We’re pretty divided so if you can get people to laugh it’s always a good thing, but it’s also always funny when no one laughs.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ONELINER? The comedian Mark Normand has a joke that goes, “I don’t know why everyone is afraid to die alone, I’m afraid to die in a group.” I think that’s one of the

funniest lines and it’s true. It’s terrifying to die.

WHAT’S YOUR MOST MEMORABLE HECKLE? I like when the heckles are weirdly positive—but they’re still interruptions. When someone says, “Yeah I totally know what you mean!” It makes you think, You’re not helping, but thanks.

HAVE YOU FOUND ANY PLACES TO BE FUNNIER THAN OTHERS? No, I think everyone is funny in their own way. The crowds I do best at are usually in New York, San Francisco or DC, for whatever reason.

WHICH SUPER POWER WOULD YOU HAVE? Well I’d say invisibility but I just have to wait until I’m in my sixties for that. So, flying. n

“Jena Friedman: Miscarriage of Justice” is playing at Assembly—George Square, Studio 5 at 9:20pm throughout August as part of Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Go to jenafriedman.com for information and tickets

Beat the Cartoonist!

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-July. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/fun-games by July 7. We’ll announce the winner in our August issue.

May’s Winner

It just wasn’t our cartoonist’s month, as he trailed in last place with his caption, “He’s colour blind.” Taking the top spot however, is our reader Anne Baxter who persuaded the majority of our readers to vote for her witty caption, “He’s not well. He said he’d been feeling off-colour.” Many congratulations, Anne!

Interview: Patricia Arquette

The star of True Romance and Boyhood on motherhood and women’s equality

I Remember: Ainsley Harriott

CARTOONST: STEVE JONES

The star chef looks back on his career and his undying love of cooking

The troubling issue with Britain’s ageing prison population