Reader's Digest UK Jan 2011

What your gym instructor won't tell you page 150

Philip Glenister ponders his surprise role as adviser to the PM HAVE YOUR BEST YEAR YET! The New Optimism (life's better than you might think)

40 Fast Ways To Feel Great (they're easy, too)

The Ultimate Diet (and it really works)

HOW TO

watch 3D TV cure headaches THE REAL keep a good diary QUEEN MUM boost your luck Exclusive insights halve bills from a long-hidden diary Insider tradinc Your month-by-month guide to when to buy cheapest—page 41 PLUS Stuart Maconie Lesley Garrett Lenny Henry Harry Enfield Peter Owen-Jones

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34 Fire Up the Quattro Formaggi?

Philip Glenister reveals his gentler side 41 Insider Trading Bargain-hunting's not just for January... Follow our yearround guide to saving money 48 Reindeer Country Photographer Erika Larsen braves the bitter cold to 2

meet the Sami of northern Scandinavia 88 The Real Queen Mum An exclusive look at the woman behind the myths 96 Why Unemployment Needn't Be a Disaster Could there ever be some advantages to losingyour job? Here's why Andrew Douglas thinks there is 100100-Word Story Challenge Can you write a story in just 100 words? It could win you £5,000!

FRONT COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY MICHAEL BIRT/CONTOUR BY GETTY IMAGES

ERICA LA RSEN/ REDUX

30 Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 2 The ageing process? New RD columnist James Brown takes it on the chin

102 The Fell Guy Stuart Maconie hails Alfred Wainwright, laureate of the Lakes, who died zo years ago this month

110 I Remember Lenny Henry on Tiswas, Stevie Wonder, and how his mum's fruitcake got Chris Tarrant into a spot of bother 116 How Mean Are You? Are you mean as sin or generous to a fault? Our exclusive poll reveals the truth about Britain's stinginess status 124 The Woman

Who Works Miracles How a determined mother is bringing renewed hope to children with cerebral palsy

SE AMUSRYAN

Reader's Digest the World's Biggest Magazine published in 50 editions in 20 languages

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT: LIVING WELL IN 2011 60 Cheer up! It Will Never Happen Why the world's getting better all thetime 68 The Ultimate Diet —and the science that backs it up 74 40 Five-Minute

Health Fixes Getting fit the fast and easy way 82 Life's Lessons Peter Owen-Jones, vicar and TV traveller, on the things that really matter

131 How to Survive...

The Age of Discontinuity Business guru Belden Menkus on why constant change is the new norm— and how to handle it 138 Missing It was meant to be a gentle mountain ascent. Then things started to go wrong.

Badly wrong

Why is this man on half rations?

See p68

3

My New Year resolutions? Easy.

It's not to make any.

As I've singularly failed over the years to become eye-wateringly rich, write that novel or even—sigh—get the damp problem in the kitchen sorted, these days I just stick to things that don't take any kind of Herculean effort to achieve.

Hence our best-year-yet special this month, packed full of ideas and tips and perspectives that will makeyou feel better in mind, body and spirit, but will call for about as much willpower as it takes to force down a piece of chocolate—and not much more time, either.

Failingthat, our interview with cover star Philip Glenister will doubtless putyou in a good mood. He's certainly helped David Cameron along the way, anyway—as you'l I discover on p34.

Gill Hudson theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk twitter.com/rdigest readersdigest.co.uk/magazineblogs

— Reader's

Digest

Regulars at the front 6 11 16 20 23 26 27 29

Your Letters It's January, and it's time to...

The Power of One No, Really!

Word Power Not If, But When If I Ruled the World: Harry Enfield Instant Expert

Regulars at the back 146 1,001 Things: How to...

152 Doctor on the Ward 154 Health Tips 158 Beauty: Clever hair colour 162 Money: New Year planner 166 Food with Marco Pierre White 168 Drink: Low-alcohol wine 170 Gardening 172 Wildlife Watch with Martin Hughes-Games 174 Travel 176 The RD Challenge 178 Books—plus our Book Club 181 Books That Changed My Life: Lesley Garrett 182 Laughter, the Best Medicine 191 Beat the Cartoonist

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THE READER'S DIGEST ASSOCIATION INC

President and Chief Executive Officer Mary G. Berner President, RD Europe Dawn Zier VP, Global Editor-In-Chief Reader's Digest Peggy Northrop Ci 2010 Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader's Digest). British Reader's Digest is published by Vivat Direct Ltd, 157 Edgware Road, London W2 211R. All rights reserved throughout the world. Reproduction in any manner, in whole or part, in English or other languages, is prohibited. Reader's Digest is a trademark ovmed and under license from The Reader's Digest Association, Inc and is registered with the United states Patent and Trademark Office. All rights reserved. Reproduction

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Welcome

Writers ► Since being ordained in II 1993, Peter Owen-Jones has published four books and presented a number of documentaries for the BBC. "What makes life so exciting is the state of flux we're in," he says. "Another year down the line, my eight pieces of advice may be very different." Page 82 ► Erika Larsen has worked as a magazine photographer since 2000, specialising in human-interest stories, sensitive cultural issues and the daily life of people connected to the natural world. Her work with the Scandinavian Sami is breathtaking. Page 48 ---- ► "If Kate Middleton wants a role model, she could do a lot worse than the Queen Mother," says Peter Conradi, co-author of The King's Speech, the story of George VI's battle with his stammer. "She was truly supportive of her husband after he reluctantly became king in 1936." Page 88 RD on the iPad Don't forget to check out our fabulous iPad app! Go to the iTunes music store to download yours.

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5

Have your say LETTER OF THE MONTH

Mums fight back!

I laughed—sometimes through gritted teeth —at "Why do Fathers Get a Raw Deal?" It's true that dads often (unfairly) feel like spare parts, but notingthat they come home from work and are still expected to help with the children rather implies that mum's been sitting around resting all day!

Mothers do get a bit martyrish about childcare, largely because it involves nonstop vigilance and planning. I greatly envy my partner's time at work—being able to finish a task and switch off from things like healthy diets and sleep patterns. This is not to be undervalued.

Kath Allen, London SE19

"There's a residual feelingthat mother knows best," accordingto Sam Leith. If only!

When I gave up work to look after our kids, it felt like I was criticised by all and sundry.

But feelingguilty and putting up with the nitpicking of others is part of parenting.

Sam, you have my utmost sympathy, but I bet your wife feels much the same way!

Stephanie Trotter, Claygate, Surrey

Vital vitamins Jerome Burne writes in "Vitamin League Table" that taking vitamins B6 and B12 to lower homocysteine has failed to

WHY DO `„„ze,,,„rw :7.

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and keeping the house clean, but we're stat seen as unhelpful fools

RA

DEAL r-i-g---sz

Feet.iiiy yuiLLy and putting up with the nit-picking of others is part of parenting demonstrate a reduction in heart disease in recent trials. But he makes no mention of folic acid (vitamin B9).

A few years ago, my doctor prescribed folic acid for me along with my normal dose of vitamin B after a scan showed that my carotid artery was half-blocked by plaque.

I'd read about research in Germanythat demonstrated the efficacy of folic acid in lowering homocysteine levels, thereby reducingthe accumulation of plaque in the arteries.

Sure enough, a further scan two years later revealed that my blockage had ■

Make money by writing in! £50 for the letter of the month, £30 for all others. See page 5 for details.

6

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

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cleared completely. It seems, in my case, that folic acid proved very effective.

Diane Neale, Rochester, Kent

Eating with pride Thankyou for the article "You Wouldn't Eat That at Home" on sustainable food— or lack thereof—in restaurants. While the abuse of trust by restaurants that falsely use labels such as "organic" and "local" is deplorable, let's bear in mind that not all such claims are fraudulent. There are lots of socially conscious restaurants out there doing great things—as you point out, the Sustainable Restaurant Association's directory is a good place to start.

Restaurants committed to sustainability will be delighted to talk to customers

There are lots of socially conscious restaurants out there doing great things interested in finding out more about the origin of the food on their plate—and diners shouldn't be afraid to ask!

Emily Crawley, Ethical Eats* The suggestion that we spend "our entire weekly shopping budget" on a meal out definitely rang a bell. I don't eat out often, but when I do it's usually at the behest of a friend who's heard that the restaurant serves the "best beef carpaccio" or somesuch.

But when we get there the food is often sparse, ridiculously expensive and, on several occasions, not very good.

I plan to eat at home a lot more in the future.

My husband recently announced that he preferred my cooking after a trip to a Michelinstarred restaurant!

Pip Faulks, Bungay, Suffolk

Be prepared "Gerald was stripping some old wallpaper and there it was—Leonardo da Vinci's lost fresco `The Battle of Anghiari' " 8

I was impressed with "What Your Fire Service Won't Tell You" in "i,00i Things". As a firefighter's wife, 1 always tell people

*See readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblinks

to have an escape plan in the event of a fire at their house, especially if they have young children. So many people panic, which leads to mistakes. I hope they heed the advice in your article.

Roxanne Sumner, London N2

Imaginary land I notice that "World Traveller" refers to a new super algae found in Czechoslovakia, which cleans polluted air. It must indeed be super because Czechoslovakia hasn't existed since 1993, when it split into the Czech Republic and Slovakia.

John Parker, Seacroft, Leeds

Prize Draw winners! » Our third winner in thisyear's Grand Prize Draw is Patrick Gaskell-Taylor from Hertfordshire, the lucky recipient of £5,000. Patrick took a brief trip to our headquarters in London, where he was only too pleased to pose with his favourite magazine (below).

"I'm delighted to have won," says Patrick. "My daughter is buying her own flat, so my Prize Draw winnings will be very useful."

RD: Many thanks to those who wrote in pointing out this error. Apologies for the oversight.

>> Visit readers digest.co.uk/ prize-draw

Peace of mind Your Money item in September on writing a will was nicely timed. Having just witnessed a friend's anguish at his mother dying without leaving a will, I wanted to get this sorted for myself. It turns out that my union offers a free will service to all its members, so thankyou for saving me money and easing my worries!

Stephanie Bryn, Liverpool

>> Do you have a favourite place in Britain that not many people know about—maybe a stunning view, a fabulous walk, an unusual building or a tiny-but-fascinating museum?

If so, we'd love to hear about it! Please send your suggestions, plus pictures if possible, to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk.

Your contribution could earn you £100

and may appear in a future issue. ■

ATTENTION PLEASE! WE WANT YOUR SUBMISSIONS! Do you have a tasty recipe? Maybe a quirkygardening or beautytip? Or perhaps some health advice? If so, we want to hear from you. We welcome reader contributions to all our regular columns. It's a great chance to seeyour name in print—and earn some money in the process. We pay £50 for all published submissions to Health, Beauty, Food, Drink, Gardening and Wildlife Watch (see page 5 for details of other regular contributions). Send us an email at excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk.

9

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127 Hours. Director Danny Boyle's eagerly awaited follow-up to SlumdogMillionaire tells the true story of a mountaineer whose arm gets trapped under a boulder in an isolated Utah canyon. James Franco plays the pinioned young man who goes to extraordinary, grisly lengths to escape and return to civilisation.

Birdwatching is usually a rather solitary experience. But participants in the RSPB's Big Garden Birdwatch (January 29-3o) can join half a million other Brits recording avian visitors to parks and their own gardens in the world's biggest bird survey. ► COURTESY OF RSPB

11

EAT The ultimate full English Farmhouse Breakfast Week (Jan 23-29) wants to big up the benefits of a morning meal. Doyour bit with a fry-up usingthe finest food.

Ramsay of Carluke black pudding and bacon. The South Lanarkshire firm's bacon is multi-awardwinning. Top chef Nick Nairn has dubbed its puddingthe best in Scotland.

Ochr Cefn Isa freerange eggs. The north Wales farm claimed a National Trust Fine Farm Produce award this year.

Wild boar, apple & Calvados sausages. An exotic touch from banger legends O'Hagan's of Chichester.

Eric Wall "Amoroso" tomatoes, West Sussex.

Triumphed in the "classic and cocktail" category at the British Tomato Growers' Association awards.

Toast from a More? granary tin loaf. The Cumbrian bakery has won numerous industry gongs.

See readersdigest.co.uk/ links for more details.

12

TIME TO...

read Unbroken, Laura Hillenbrand, (Fourth Estate, £20) On a May afternoon in 1943, a US bomber crashed into the Pacific Ocean and disappeared. Luckily for fans of derring-do, Louis Zamperini (pictured, with one of the B-24s he flew above) eventually emerged from the cruel sea, and his extraordinary tale of wartime survival forms the basis of Laura Hillenbrand's true-life yarn.

PI 4 Her previous book Seabiscuit, about a champion racehorse, was an international best-seller and became a film nominated for seven Oscars. The story of the courageous Zamperini (a former Olympic runner) and his battle against sharks, starvation, beriberi and vindictive Japanese POW-camp guards is arguably even more stirring.

The Price of Everything, Eduardo Porter (Heinemann, £11.99) If ever proof were needed that money does indeed make the world go around, EVERYTHING Eduardo Porter provides it in this examination of how and why we ascribe certain, often perplexing, values to objects and people.

Among the choice nuggets he uncovers are that declining pensions may be causing Westerners to have more kids to keep them in their old age, the era of free entertainment on the internet will probably be shortlived (it's not in people's nature to create things for nothing) and why a person saved from a terrorist attack is worth two saved from a natural disaster.

PRICE

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

IANBAGWELL/ PH OTOL IBRARY.COM; COU RTESY OF L OU IS Z AMPE RI NI

Januar

For reasons best known to themselves, some people like swimming outside in the winter, particularly on New Year's Day. If you're one of this demented breed, here are some choice events this January 1:

The Loony Dook, Edinburgh. Some 800 crazies (pictured) braved the frigid Forth estuary last year. This time, figures are expected to top 1,000.

The Lyme Lunge, Lyme Regis, Dorset. Take a dip in fancy dress.

GE TTY I MAG ES

GO ELECTRIC 4, AND GET £5,000 Despite all the cost-cutting, the Government has stuck by a pledge to introduce grants this month towards the cost of new electric cars. Purchasers will receive 25 per cent of the price of a vehicle, capped at £5,000. Eligible cars are expected to include the Mitsubishi i MiEV and the Tata Indica Vista EV. Those tiny G-Wiz cars won't be included, though, as they are legally defined as quad ricycles. Really! readersdigest.co.uk

The Abersoch Dip, Gwynedd. Jump into the Irish sea to raise money for the RNLI. Cromer East Beach, Norfolk. A more dignified chilly plunge at the quiet picture-postcard East Anglian resort. ■

solve You might have thought they've been going a lot longer, but the first ever murder-mystery weekend was organised by Joy Swift 3o years ago this month.

Her company Murder Weekends is now a leading (gas) light in the industry

and there's a new crime plot for its events, set in stately homes and hotels nationwide, from January 28.

If you can't make one of Joy's events, other top companies include The Killing Game and Murder Party, which specialises in soirees at client's homes where actors unfold the dreadful goings-on while guests enjoy their dinner.

See readersdigest.co.uk/ links for more details.

14

TIME TO...

N

LISTEN Radio 2's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent music releases

Greatest Hits—So Far!!! by Pink Think the punk-rock Madonna.

I've always thought Pink to be a rather sappy soubriquet for such a feisty girl—whose edgy dance-pop never seems to get the critical props it deserves. "Get This Party Started" is an irresistible anthem to having fun, while "Feel Good Time" is as clever a modern pop song asyou'll ever hear. Both are included here, along with sundry other cases for Pink's off-kilter greatness.

The Promise by Bruce Springsteen Think the blue-collar cross between The Ronettes and Dylan. For a major rock star, Bruce Springsteen has done things the hard way. Darkness on the Edge of Town, the 1978 follow-up to his breakthrough album Born to Run, was a sombre affair that wrongfooted critics. But time has proved it to be a masterpiece and some of the songs he left off (collected here) are as joyous as the ones that made the cut.

Endlessly by Duffy Think part Dusty Springfield, part Charlotte Church. The pop poppet's huge debut set Rockferry was a terrific collection of retro-pop soul.

This time, she's worked with Albert Hammond Snr, father of The Strokes' guitarist and Seventies hitmaker in his own right. The results hold no seismic shocks, but are smooth and occasionally sultry.

I MA GESOURCE/ AL AMY

IT'S

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

War Ve oriaLs

WHAT I'M DOING RD reader John Dawson, 49, accountant

Watching True Blood (FX). A vampire series with a great storyline and, ahem, hot babes.

Listening The Defamation of Strickland Banks by Plan B. I mostly like older records but this has catchy retro soul and a modern, urban feel.

CH RIS TOPH ER NASH/ ALA M Y

Online groupon.com.

You register and every day it sends you amazing discounts on tourist attractions, restaurants and similar. I'm going on a falconry course that I got for E18, which would normally cost B-rio.

Reading I'm not a big reader. Stephen Fry's The Fry Chronicles looks very good, though I haven't got through much of ityet.

Simple plaques, bronze statues, the Cenotaph in London—throughout Britain's towns and villages, our war dead are honoured by these landmarks.

According to the War Memorials Trust, there are an estimated 100,000 such permanent tributes in the UK. As well as helping us remember the bravery of others, they connect the past to the present and serve as architectural legacies. But they are in danger from neglect, graffiti, vandalism and theft. In the run-up to the First World War centenary in 2014, it's more vital than ever to protect and preserve these historic symbols for future generations.

So how can you help to preserve our military past?

Start by... Stopping the vandals.

SACRED MEMORY OF Remember the outcry when a Blackpool woman urinated on her local cenotaph? She was given a 15-week jail term, but MP David Burrowes wants to see stiffer sentences to deter vandals from damaging tributes. Put your name to his War Memorial Watch campaign.

Then you can... Lobbyyour council. The War Memorials Trust is calling for councils to appoint dedicated officers as points of contact for the public to report vulnerable monuments. Wirral and Leicestershire already have one.

Press your local authority to get an officer in your area.

Taking it further... War tributes need to be monitored to stop them falling into disrepair. Join a team of regional volunteers helping to inspect and record memorials at risk.

For more details on any of the above, visit readers digest.co.uk/links. Helen Gent • 15

POWER OF ONE

How people like you are making the world a better place by Susannah Hickling

1

Meet the 21-year-old student from Leicester who built a Malawian orphanage—in just ten weeks Just over a year ago, life as an orphan out, Alice realised that what the girls in girl in Tilinanu, southern Malawi, was an particular really needed was a safe and uncertain prospect. Relying on the kindness permanent place to live. There was a of the village's impoverished residents for a derelict church on Mercy's property. roof over their head, many had to sleep 15 "If you give me the land, I'll construct a to a room, eating a diet predominantly of building," Alice told her. Mercy agreed. porridge. Their classroom for daily lessons Alice phoned home. "We need more was a clearing in the bush. money," she informed her mum Yvonne.

The family had already helped Alice Now, 34 of them have comfortable beds raise £1,800 to assist the orphans. "But I in a smart new home, with an adjoining community hall and medical centre. could hear the passion in her voice," says Another 175 village children eat there daily, Yvonne—so she and Alice's sister Nina with the adults coming in to learn English. threw themselves into raising another It's an amazingtransformation. But the £6,000, organising theatre trips, a party most stunning thing is that the person in a marquee and a curry evening.

Alice found Malawian builders, sourced behind it is just 21.

When Alice Pulford from Rothley, materials and even helped with the brickLeicester, finished her A levels in 2007, laying. In ten weeks, the church became a dormitory with toilets and a living area. she had little idea what to do next. So she The fund-raising continued in Rothley took a five-month teaching placement and, in spring lastyear, Alice returned in Malawi, one of the world's poorest countries. She loved it, and returned in the with another E19,000 to build the medical spring of 2009 to visit her friend Gift Zulu centre and two new dormitories. This year, a music centre will open and in Tilinanu. His Aunt Mercy Do you kno w of the clinic plans to employ owned land there and was inspiring st ories in enough staff to treat 7,000 doing her best to provide an your comm unity? local people a month. The education for the orphans, If so, pleas e email the Pulfords continue to raise cash, many of whom had lost details to t heeditor@ but Alice soon hopes to buy parents to Aids or malaria. readersdig est.co.uk. bread ovens, maize mills and ► But, after helping Mercy 16

LO VETILINAN U. ORG. UK

Org

Mice Pulford and the children of Tilinanu; (inset) the orphange

Moores University."The orphans think they're gaining from me, but when I see their smiles, it transforms me," she says. > To donate to Alice's fund, please visit readersdigest.co.uk/links.

In an old mining village, a recovering alcoholic brings others back from the brink As Amanda Lowe looks out at streets of boarded-up houses and shops from her office in Goldthorpe, near Rotherham, she knows that hers is one of the few places where attracting customers isn't a problem. And, as the post-party season approaches, she's expecting a flurry of new clients.

Amanda is the driving force behind Turn Around, an organisation that helps

Turning lives around: Amanda Lowe

people in the former mining community—one of Britain's most deprived areas—fight drink and drug problems.

The 48-year-old provides courses in computer skills, arts and crafts, healthy eating and catering, giving participants confidence and the hope of a career.

But it's her counselling that's particularly effective—as Amanda has been an alcoholic herself since her twenties.

Her marriage broke up, her children went to live with their father, and it wasn't until the late 199os that she came off booze and trained as a counsellor.

She began work in a new private alcoholism treatment service in Goldthorpe, but it soon closed when few people in the area could afford to pay.

Realisingthat someone

needed to help the community, she then fought to transform Turn Around into a free drop-in centre, funded by grants.

Finances are so tight that Amanda, the sole employee, takes only half her salary. In 2006, she remortgaged her house to keep the centre going. But she insists it's the volunteers who are vital. At least ten at any one time help to run courses, answer phones or staff the cafe.

Among the many success stories is Becky Hopwood, 28, who was referred to the centre as an anorexic waif with a history of alcohol and prescription-medication abuse, self-harming and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Amanda collected her by car, saying, "If you don't come with me,you're goingto die, kid."

Five years on, Becky is married with a daughter and preparingto study for a degree in social work.

"Without Amanda I'd be six feet under," says Becky.

"She's one of a kind." • READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

COURTESY O F AMANDALOWE/ TURNAROUND

sewing machines so Tilinanu and the home can become more self-supporting.

The girls are happier—and so is Alice, who has been spending around four months in Malawi ayear while completing a degree in child care at Liverpool John

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NO, REALLY! While shopping at the supermarket recently, I saw ayoung man running from aisle to aisle, glancing at his mobile phone and picking items off the shelf.

Intrigued, I asked him what he was doing.

"My wife doesn't trust me with the shopping," he

explained, "so she's taken photos of everything she needs with my phone."

"Sounds like a good idea," I said. "But why are you rushing?"

"Because I've only done half of it and my battery's getting very low."

Paul Cooper, London

t On a trip to York, my 12-year-old daughter loved the free "tasters" food shops use to entice the public. But when we passed an antiques shop, she begged us to go in.

I soon saw the reason.

The sign on the door said: "Please come inside for a taste of nostalgia."

Julie Mepstead, Kent

hen a friendly neighbour spotted my father and my pregnant mother getting into a car, he rushed over to offer his congratulations.

Imagine the poor man's face when my father, thinking he was referring to the vehicle, replied, "Thanks—but it's not mine, it's a friend's."

W

Jonathan Terry, Argentina

"I've got 100 bottles of dye, 300 tins of mousse, 80 jars of styling wax, 11 brushes, five combs, three pairs of crimpers, two straighteners and a hairdryer. Now will you throw down your hair?"

20

II A conversation overheard in my library.

Elderly gentleman: "I can't come to the club READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

tomorrow. I've got to go to hospital for an autopsy."

His friend: "Oh, I had one of those lastyear.

Luckily it wasn't serious."

Tracy Moralee, Hitchin, Hertfordshire I once worked as a bank inspector, visiting local branches to check their systems were in order.

One quiet Tuesday, my colleagues and I called on a small country branch unannounced. Their alarm was activated by stepping on a button under the till, which rang a bell in the adjacent pub.

I duly pressed the button and began to check the cash. After five minutes the landlord from the pub arrived, carryingthree pints of bitter on a tray.

Frank Peirson, Oxfordshire

atching a DVD of war film The Longest Day, my Swedish friend asked if I could select the subtitles option to help him understand the

W

readersdigest.co.uk

"I didn't mind being ringed—but this is just humiliating"

various accents.

This worked well until one actor said, "Stone the crows!"

—subtitled as, "Stuff a grouse!"

Anthony Sherman, Wimborne, Dorset A card came through the post, saying a letter for me was being held at the local sorting office because it had insufficient postage.

I went and paid £1.32 for the letter. It was from my local health clinic, saying I had an appointment for Tuesday fortnight at 11am.

This was at odds with my diary, which said Tuesday week at 10.45am.

I contacted the clinic manager. "Oh no, we're

sorry," he replied. "Tuesday week at 10.45am is right."

So I paid £1.32 for a note I didn't need, containing information that was incorrect. What a bargain!

Graham Legg, Hampshire A school where I used to teach was holding its annual sports day. One of the boys in my class was keen to take part, but his bad behaviour in PE lessons meant he had to apologise to the teacher first.

Later on, I saw the boy in the corridor looking pleased with himself.

"What did Mr Smith say to you," I asked. "Will he let you take part?"

"Yes," he smiled. "He said I was for the high jump."

Geoff Chilton, Lincolnshire ■ 21

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WORD POWER

l

Harry Mount, ' language guru, tests your vocabulary

Slang is constantly being absorbed into the English language—a recent addition is "Jafaican", a form of Jamaican patois that's rapidly taking over from cockney in London.

How much slang do you know?

Test your lingo by choosing between A, B or C below.

1 shtook n A fur coat B quicksand C deep trouble

meshuga (mesh-ooh-gur) adj A crazy B partitioned C mathematically complex

2 palooka (pal-ooh-ker) n A butt of a joke B undistinguished boxer C fruit box

prodnose (prod-nose) n A wallflower at a party B political activist C nosey parker

3 flivver (fliv-uh) n A old, cheap car B nervous teenager C aggressive pilot 4 drack adj A extremely wet B unattractive C very tough 5 moggadored (mogg-adored) adj A bewildered B much-detested C wing-collared

deevy (deev-ih) adj A slow on the uptake B divine C wickedly underhand

. < snook (snoohk) n A balaclava B sign of contempt C hiding place ocker (okk-er) n A pleasant sight B rough Australian C terrifying scowl

A WORD IS BORN has been Rorting "Rorting" used in Australia

for almost a century, but has only just 7 greaser n A scapegoat B blunt razor been admitted to the Oxford English C smooth landing ............ .

• Dictionary. Of unknown origin, 8 tweeny (tween-ee) n it originally meant dishonest / Cover star A Victorian maidservant B early Philip Glenister's business dealings. favourite word? When Tupperware C chocolate fudge More recently, it's been I'm talking it's "n c and when other people flackn A lively debate or used to describe manipulating are speaking discussion B annoying flattery a system or its rules to your it's "yes" C publicity agent ........ own benefit—Australian journalists have claimed, for example, that bending wheelman n A getaway driver the rules on salary B clever caveman C cheese waiter RD RATING caps in rugby league Useful? 6/10 11 Tab n A carbon dioxide B heavy smog amounts to roiling.

Likeable? 7/10 C member of Cambridge University ILLUSTRATED BY BEN KIRCHNER/HEART

23

WORD POWER s. shtook—C deep trouble. "He was in shtook after he borrowed his parents' house for his 18th birthday." US slang.

2 palooka—B undistinguished boxer.

"When he faced Mike Tyson, it was a one-way ticket to palookaville." US. 3 flivver—A

captain pulled off a real greaser, with only one engine." From "greased".

8 tweeny—A Victorian maidservant who helps both a cook and housemaid. "She was so spoilt, she took a tweeny on holiday." From being "between" the two posts.

9 flack—C publicity agent. "Not even the best flack in town can save him from disgrace."

From Gene Flack, an agent in 193os Hollywood.

10 wheelman—A getaway driver. "A safecracker's no use unless he's got a wheelman." US. Tab—C member of Cambridge University. "I always bewildered. "I was support the Tabs in the Boat How m oggad o red by Race." Short for the Did You Do? the identical Latin Cantabrigiensis 9-11 a good attempt ("of the University twins." Irish 12-13 you're starting magadh of Cambridge"). to impress us here 12 meshuga—A (mock, jeer).

14-15 you're a word-power deevy—B crazy. "He went a wizard! divine. "It would little meshuga after he be too deevy if you won the lottery." Hebrew could come to my meshugga (gone astray).

13 prodnose—C wedding." British (short for divine). nosey parker. "My next7 greaser—C door neighbour's a real smooth landing. "The prodnose." British.

old, cheap car. "The Ford Model T was a marvellous flivver." US. drack—B unattractive. "Never fix me up with someone so drack again." Australian. moggadored—A

More Word Power on the Web! For more vocabulary-building fun online, go to readersdigest.co.uk/wordpower.

24

WORD JOURNEY OK, along with its variants— okay, okey-doke and okeydokey—was originally a US term (an abbreviation of "orl korrect", a humorous form of "all correct"). It spread in 184o when it was adopted as a slogan by Martin Van Buren, the 8th American president, known as "Old Kinderhook", from the village of Kinderhook, New York. It caught on in Britain in the193os, with the spread of Hollywood talkie films.

14 snook—B sign of contempt. "He cocked a snook at me as he took my seat on the train." British.

15 ocker—B rough Australian.

"Crocodile Dundee showed the merits of the old-style ocker." A 195os variant of popular names such as Oscar and O'Connor.

If you have a word-related question or language teaser for Harry, please email theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk •

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

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Gary Rimmer takes a Look at what the future has in store s

NOT IF, BUT WHEN...

the lot when you're 70 and his one-year-old sister

Chips or mash with your insects?

gets everything when he's 80. A big family could last for centuries.

Stuffed with Christmas turkey leftovers, it's hard to

already. Expect to see insect protein mixed into processed meat by 2020.

The downside? The legs tend to get stuck between your teeth...

26

Grandpa is doing the dishes Professor Kevin Warwick

Defrosting your kids Doctors in Virginia recently delivered a healthy baby boy to a woman who'd been implanted with a frozen pronuclear stage embryo (a newly fertilised egg) that was actually conceived almost zoyears ago—one of two survivors of five embryos thawed by the doctors. In theory, such embryos can be stored almost indefinitely and, 20 years hence, the lessons learned in Virginia may mean defrosted embryos have a loo per cent chance of survival.

It opens up the surreal possibility of staggering the "birth" of your children —perhaps to preserve a line of inheritance:your two-year-old twin gets

at the University of Reading has built a hybrot—a robot controlled by electronics linked with rat-brain neurons; a machine with a part-biological "brain".

In a recent paper, Professor Warwick mused that a cleaning hybrot might one day (we're guessing around 2025) contain neurons from a deceased relative, delighted still to maintain a role in the family.

But he did caution that hybrots need to be "fed" with a nutrient solution or they'll "die". • READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

ILLUSTRATEDBY PETER G RU NDY

imagine a shortage of meat.

But global consumption is expected to reach 664 million tons per annum by 203o—while meat production is projected to peak at just 465 million tons, and even then not until 2050. Fish, cultured meat, vegetarian diets and mycoprotein are all partial solutions to filling the gap, but none is the answer.

Enter insects. Proteinrich and easy to harvest, some 1,400 species are eaten around the world

4-4i 7 1

This month, comedian, actor and director Enfield lays down the Law to Caroline Hutton

IF I RULED THE WORLD

...I'd establish 100 days of terror during which time upstanding citizens could report all the muggers and anyone with pit bull terriers, and they'd be rounded up and sent to China. We import a lot of rubbish from there, so I'd export ours back. The Chinese would teach people how to behave. Then, Pinochet-style, I'd pass a law giving myself immunity from prosecution for my abuse of human rights. ...I'd employ the Disney 3orporation to make a giant hologram over the world and I'd appear in it and say, "I am God, but I don't believe in anything, so stop fighting each other." It would be so awesome there wouldn't be any more religious disputes.

IA NGAVA N/ GETTY IMAGE S

..I'd abolish the monarchy.

I feel sorry for the Queen because she has to do things HARRY ENFIELD shot to TV fame in the 1990s with Harry Enfield and Chums, which featured characters such as Waynetta Slob and Kevin the Teenager (also the lead in 2000 film Kevin &PerryGo Large). He worked on Channel 4's Skins—both in front of and behind the camera, and is just about to direct a TV comedy pilot called Sex and the Chippie. readersdigest.co.uk

like visit teapot factories in Stoke where everyone grins idiotically at anything she says. I'd save future generations of royals from such visits, so they can go off and live normal lives. ...I'd introduce the 12-plus exam. If you pass, you could leave school and have four years of education on hold.

Most teenagers don't want to be taught anyway, which is a waste of taxpayers' money.

So they could go and stack shelves in supermarkets or make tea in offices and soon some might realise it would be much better to go back and have an education. But if they like stacking shelves, they can do that for the rest of their lives. ...I'd abolish no-win no-fee lawyers. Billions of pounds of the NHS budget are now spent on legal cases; a lot of the time the lawyers get significantly more than the claimants. They talk nonsense and then go down the pub and one will say, "Did you get my pompous letter?" And another one will reply, "Yes, I'll send you a pompous one ► 27

WORLD TRAVELLER Who's doing what back and then we can all go on holiday on the back of our huge fees."

...I'd do away with capitalism.

Our economy relies on us producing more and more stuff, and if we're not expanding all the time everyone freaks out. I say we should all work less, buy less stuff, and spend more time playing tennis. Or something.

...I'd model our electoral system on America's so the prime minister could appoint experts to his cabinet, with proper experience of the outside world, and the job of the House of Commons would just be to sayyes or no to the money they need. Which is basically what the House of Representatives does in the US for the Executive. Most of our politicians are unemployable.

...I'd put a woman in charge of the England football team. Our JOHAN KAUPPI; RE DDISHSTUDIO.CO M

footballers are extremely stupid, and gob and swear too much. They need a woman's intuition to sort them out.

Damon Albarn's daughter Missy knows everything about football and would pick a brilliant team. She's 11.

...I'd replace the Angel of the North with "The Magnificent Gentleman of the North". It would be me with my arms outstretched.

That would inspire everyone.

28

around the globe ► Ifyou thought the only thingyou could do with your old tub was chuck it out, think again: design firm Reddish from ISRAEL have taken furniture recycling to the next level by producingthe Bath and Beyond Chair—complete with plughole. ► Respect is experiencing a revival in JAPAN. Snack manufacturer Harimaya Honten has opened a cafe in Tokyo where you can drink coffee and select from six jars of different rice crackers free of charge.

There's just one stipulation: "treatyour fellow cafe-goers with courtesy." ► Graveyards. The last place you'd choose to create new life in, right? SWEDISH designer Johan Kauppi has created gravestones with holes in the middle that are big enough to plant a tree in. Even the material they're made from is waste from local mines, resulting in the ultimate green product. ► BELGIUM's bringing back penpals—with a charitable twist. Website YouBridge allows people to send a laptop to someone in a lessdeveloped country. Just choose a student, donate €190—roughly £160 (laptops are usually €350)—and gain an online friend. •

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Harry Mount gives you the facts behind the news

Al Cobra

Centre). On the other side sits the Government,

)) Cobra is the name of the government committee that meets in specially fortified cellars in Whitehall

including any departments

at times of national—or international—emergency to coordinate the Government's response. >> It takes its name from the Cabinet Office Briefing Room A, buried beneath Downing Street.

While the committee still meets there sometimes, it also uses Cabinet offices across Whitehall.

T RAVELSHOTS.COM/ ALAMY; TIM GRAHAM/ ALAMY

INSTANT EXPERT

)>Attending alongside politicians are a selection of police, intelligence officers and senior civil servants. They sit around a large oval table with the abbreviated nameplates of their organisation in front of them.

The spies are on one side—MI6, MIS, GCHQ and JTAC (Joint Terrorism Assessment readersdigest.co.uk

with a special interest. )>Once gathered, Cobra decides whether to implement the powers granted by the Civil Contingencies Act. The committee's official remit is "to coordinate the preparation of plans for ensuring in an emergency the supplies and services essential to the life of the community; to keep these plans under regular review; to supervise their prompt and effective implementation in specific emergencies; and to report as necessary to

the appropriate ministerial committee". >>In recent years, Cobra has met after the fuel strikes in 2000, the footand-mouth outbreak in 2001, the September attacks, the 2002 firemen's strike, the 2003 bombing at the British Consulate General in Istanbul, and the London bombings in 2005. In November, David Cameron chaired a Cobra meeting after the discovery of the cargo-plane bomb sent from Yemen.

ii

>> By executive decree, after a Cobra meeting a minister can suspend Parliament, declare a bank holiday to shut down offices, destroy or requisition property, mobilise the armed forces, suspend freedom of movement, ban assemblies and set up special courts to deal with criminal suspects. ■ 29

NEW COLUMN!

Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 2 Middle age? When exactly did that happen, then?

And why are antiques programmes on my telly?

Mid-life mugs you, doesn't it? One minute you're rarely seeingyour own bed sober, you don't care where you go out as long as members of the opposite sex are there, and you'll happily try any type of experience, haircut or food just to say you've done it. And the next minuteyou're slumped in a very expensive chair at 7pm watching two antique dealers driving around in a vintage car spending £179 on utter rubbish. The sort of bric-a-brac sane people throw out.

Junk TV isn't the only thing that helps steal you away from the last clutches of your youth.

Gardening and birdwatching are equally cunning—how exactly did I get involved with either of those? And there's the other stuff, too. Why did I start fixing my shed? Who convinced me to clear out a cellar? Why have I bought a rake?

Why was I unable to join in the Save 6 Music campaign without adding, "But get rid of the irritating daytime DJs"?

Even worse, why do I have blankets stashed handily next to the settee? It's as if the Grim Reaper's personal assistant is fattening me up for the kill. There was a time when I seriously thought I might figure in a revolution or head up my own religion. I'd 30

BRIDGEMAN ART LIBRARY/GETTY IMAGES; MARC TIELMANS/ALAMY

James Brown

PHOTOGRAPHED B Y PAL HANSE N

envisaged being followed around by thousands of people marvelling at the fireworks in my hair and assembling en masse wherever I commanded them to. I wanted flash mobs before the internet and mobile phones facilitated them.

I wanted to release a lion on London's Oxford Street to promote a magazine I was editing.

Now I'm confined to tiny acts of ) rebellion, such as insulting the students on University Challenge on an online forum as the programme goes out. Or eating a whole packet of chocolate digestives and fantasising that it might be the onset of something selfdestructive like bulimia.

I do, of course, know how this happened. Between the ages of 35 and 45 I've spent a decade being a daddy. And while I've indulged myself by using parenthood as an excuse to relive the highlights of my own childhood (water pistols, paddling pools, wave jumping, Subbuteo, ice creams, dens with cushions), ►

The other night I was on Twitter way past midnight. It's much easier than going to nightclubs Ail,.

There's no problem with any of this.

The problem only comes if you're worried about it. I'm not—I'm just surprised I didn't go out fighting and screaming. Everytime someone tries to get me to listen to a demo tape or asks me if I'm goingto a festival I haven't been to since John Major was PM, I point out, "I'm a 45-year-old parent— why would I want to behave like the idiot I was when I was 30?" Or, "I haven't worked on the NMEfor 20years. I'll eatyour cake, sleep on your sofa after lunch and boreyou with anecdotes about long-gone holidays, but I will not listen to your demo tape. No. Don't even ask me to seeyour band, unless I've already seen you 20 times and you're in The Rolling Stones or New Order."

If you're worried thatyour viewing

habits seem more akin toyour gran's when she was alive, fear not: you aren't alone.

The other night I was on Twitter way past midnight—it's just much easier than going to nightclubs—and Mani, bass player with Primal Scream and formerly of The Stone Roses (regularly voted the coolest British band ever), was askingthe same question.

There was an after-gig party going on in his house, but instead of taking part he'd snuck off to watch TV alone in his bedroom.

What was he watching? Two antique dealers fighting over buying a Victorian jug with a painting of a small boy weeing on it.

So relax. It's OK to watch antiques shows after all—The Stone Roses do, too. • >> James Brown, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times— an online magazine with the motto: "We can't concentrate, why should you?"

This month, giraffe beetles Madagascar is famously the home to lots of animals found nowhere else. As well as all species of lemurs, these include such pleasingly named creatures as the robust yellow bat, the naked-tailed voalavo and the bastard big-footed mouse.

And to that list can be added the giraffe beetle. In fact, it's only the males—seen here in pre-mating mode—who have the full giraffe look. The necks of the females are, disappointingly, Less than half as long.

32

READER'S DIGEST JANUARY '11

KJ ELLBSAND VED/ SCIEN CE PHOTO LIBRARY

I didn't notice that I was trading in one numeral for another at the start of my age.

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Rough, ready—and rather fond of Waitrose. As Gene Hunt, Philip Glenister was everyone's favourite tough guy, but the truth is a bit more homely

FIRE UP THE QUATTRO FORMAGGI?

By Benji Wilson

In July 2009, Philip Glenister was at the Police Bravery Awards presenting

a prize, when he bumped into another special guest. "It was David Cameron— the year before he became PM. I didn't know he was there and, next minute, he's shaking my hand. He said, 'Fabulous character, Gene Hunt."

Cameron had heard that Glenister's camel-coated, legendarily un-PC copper in the BBC dramas Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes was a folk hero among the police. "He started asking all these questions like, 'So when you speak to the police do you get much feedback?'

0 "I said, 'Well, basically, they get too much paperwork. They want to be out catching the crims. That's 0 why Gene Hunt's so popular with them.'

"And he went, 'Absolutely, of course, of course.'

Then, six months later, he's on Radio 5 Live say- 0 ing exactly what I've just said. B*****d nicked 2 my line!"

Not many TV characters are instrumental in crafting government policy, 0 but Gene Hunt has taken on a life beyond ► LL

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

MATT HOLYOAK/ SKY 1HD

Gene Hunk?

Gtenister in Skyl's new drama Mad Dogs

Glenister, 47, loves the character—he

"Well, it wasn't so much, 'Oh, I want to work with him again so we can just have fun and let our egos go crazy.' It was more a mutual respect—knowing that we work well together. There's a sort of chemistry there."

Presumably, another reason Glenister wanted to do Mad

calls him his "alter ego", a man allowed to say the things he wasn't—but he's never been as keen on the attention that's come from playing him.

"People think that because you're an actor you want to be seen— you're out there, you're uninhibited. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. The With his wife thought of public speakBeth Goddard ing or anything like that terrifies the life out of me."

Those Mad Dogs in full: This is why, after the media hoopla (t to r) Beesley, Simm, surrounding the end of Ashes to Ashes Warren, Glenister last May, Glenister took a long break.

Now he's back in a new Skyl series, Mad Dogs, where four old sixth-form friends, Dogs was that it was filmed in Majorca. now in their forties, get back together For two summer months the four leads for a holiday to Spain that descends into hired a pair of villas, one for filming and deception and murder. Glenister takes one for lounging. Simm and Glenister equal billing with Max Beesley, Marc are great friends, having also worked Warren and his Life on Mars co-star together on the BBC's Clocking Off and John Simm. It's no coincidence that it's State of Play, and the gangster film Tuesday. They have children of a similar age an ensemble piece.

"One of the great things about doing (Millie, eight, and Charlotte, five, in it was that it wasn't going to be me car- Glenister's case) and the shoot offered rying it. The danger comes when peo- the perfect family getaway.

"I figured I'd paid my dues in various ple start developing things for you, and you rush in and say, 'Oh, I'll do it, I'm factories around Manchester with Clocking Off and three years in Berthe lead!' I don't want that pressure."

But he must have been excited by the mondsey with Ashes to Ashes, so I deheadline-making reunion with Simm in served a bit of sun," says Glenister. "Put the pair's first TV project since the it this way, it wasn't going to be filmed in the Isle of Man. No way." series that made Glenister famous?

36

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

M CP/ REXFEATURES; RANKIN FOR SKY1

the box. And Hunt's spokesman on earth, whether he wants to be or not, is Philip Glenister.

Mad Dogs shows its lead characters

coming to terms—hilariously, disastrously—with what it means to try to rekindle old friendships in middle age that, possibly, weren't there in the first place. In the age of Facebook and those almost daily friend requests from people whose names you don't remember,

we were about IL I ring him up and say, `Who's so and so? He's just got in touch.

Was he in the football team?' If he wasn't, he's an impostor.

"Other than that, I don't do any of that Facebook or Twittering. Do you know what? I don't have the time. And each to their own, but also I quite like

it prompts the question of just how many relationships we really do want to rekindle.

"Since I did Life on Mars and Ashes, a mate of mine does a website for me and people get in touch through that," says Glenister. "It's people I was at junior school with. They'd just like to be remembered and then they come up with an anecdote about, 'Do you remember when we did that?' and I think, No. Sometimes you recognise the names and sometimes you don't."

Glenister has developed a useful filter to separate real school-buddies from fakes. "I'm still in touch with one friend of mine from way back and he's got a picture of us in the football team when

to have my privacy. I don't want everybody knowing my every move."

So what does he put on his website?

"That's the problem! It's embarrassing.

My mate who does it keeps saying to me, 'Have you got any news?' and I say, 'No, not really. I haven't done anything.

I mean, I've been to the shops. I've been to Waitrose—you can put that on.' " He says that, at his age, he has little interest in going out and painting the town red. "It takes a lot to get me out.

I prefer being at home. I never was into clubbing and all that nonsense. There's a scene in Mad Dogs where we film in a club and you can see my character hating every second of it. I can assure you, there was no acting required." ►

readersdigest.co.uk

37

ran the TV gamut from the high seas of Hornblower to the low dives of Clocking Off He loves TV and knows it inside out—not only because he's been on it so much, but also because he's been surrounded by it all his life.

His father John was a prolific director who worked on Rumpole of the Bailey. His actor brother Robert is best The TV gamut: (from known for BBC contop) Clocking Off, artist series Hustle.

Hornblower, Cranford His wife Beth Goddard He also loves US drama. ("I has appeared in dozens couldn't quite get into The Wire of shows, including A Touch as much as Beth did but we're hoarding of Frost and New Tricks.

So having been in everything from Mad Men.") That love, though, does costume dramas to cop shows, what not extend to the US version of Life on Mars, which starred Harvey Keitel as does he like to watch himself?

"I try and catch up on films, "Lieutenant" Gene Hunt.

"Sometimes things just don't translate new dramas and a lot of those old retro shows: stuff like there. I wish they'd shown our version.

The Saint and The Profes- That's annoying—the fact that they buy sionals. It's just interesting our ideas, remake them and screw them seeing the style, the pacing up, whereas we buy their programmes and how they were shot and show them properly."

But he is envious of the money that's back then. I remember thinking as a teen- lavished on US shows. The recession ager, Wow, The has seen UK drama budgets slashed, he Professionals is says—something he noticed towards action-packed! the end of Ashes to Ashes. "Every time But you watch we got a script it would be like, 'Hang it now and it's on, we're spending a lot of time in CID— incredibly boring! We want to get out there. Peoslow. Not a lot ple want to see the Quattro!'

"In this country, we seem to be happens."

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

BBCPHOTO LIB RA RY; ITV/ REX FEATURES/ BBCPHOTOLIBRARY

Pre-Hunt, Gtenister was a weltrespected character actor who

penalised for being successful. If your show does well, the BBC thinks it's got its following so it'll spend the money nurturing new shows like Sherlock instead. It's understandable, but frustrating, because it was the final series and we wanted to go out on a high."

Many British actors consider TV as no more than a stepping stone to a film career, and even consider not watching anything other than cinema to be a badge of honour. This raises a Huntesque "Sod off" (and that's the polite version) from Glenister.

"I'm a great champion of telly. Being a TV or a film actor—what's the b****y difference? It's a camera. I've just been in the US for work and, quite frankly, the best writing is coming out of TV right now Dustin Hoffman's signed to do a series for HBO; Martin Scorsese directed the pilot for a show called Boardwalk Empire. My argument is, if it's good enough for Scorsese, it's good enough for anybody, baby."

Which is why, in spite of appearing with

Uma Thurman and a certain Robert Pattinson in Bel Ami—a forthcoming period film in which Glenister sports a moustache that Gene Hunt would covet—it's TV projects that are getting him more excited.

"I'm looking to do something with the BBC this year that will be a

contemporary drama/thriller type thing. I don't think they've even got a title yet, but I've put my name to it and it's a really nice idea for a piece. We're also talking about a Mad Dogs 2, which would be quite exciting. I think we'd all do it again depending on how this one works."

So Glenister's firmly back in the spotlight—good news for all the men who

want to be him (or, at least, Gene) and the numerous women who want to be with him.

"Yeah, right," he deadpans. "I get women throwing themselves at me; sending me all sorts of things...no, not at all. Actually, it's all a media invention.

I mean, I'm a bit too late to be a sex symbol now I'm 47, married with a wife and kids. Timing, eh? Perfect."

This is just a little disingenuous, because he goes on to reveal that his wife has a picture of him on the bedroom wall—in character. "It's a picture of me by the Quattro that I gave her for a laugh.

I signed it, 'To Mrs Hunt, all my love, Gene Genie.' " Like it or not—and you sense that Glenister is still a little unsure—everyone from the prime minister to his own wife still wants a bit of Gene in their lives. • >> Mad Dogs starts on Sky next month.

The Guardian's corrections and clarifications section: ""No No matter how doubtful any new owners may be about sanitary arrangements at

the house in Stowmarket, Suffolk, that featured as 'Wreck of the Week' in Weekend magazine, they won't need a new sceptic tank. A septic tank may be helpful." readersdigest.co.uk

39

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OK, so you've axed the expensive gym membership—but that doesn't stop you EXERCISING at home. Shops slash the prices of home-fitness kit in the January sales, so check what's on offer at department stores such as John Lewis, as well as at specialist fitness retailers. Take advantage, too, of online deals to buy sports equipment for home use. Using price comparison websites* can help save significant sums. Buying reconditioned equipment also saves money. The online retailer Home Fitness Direct generally offers good discounts.

If you can't face exercising at home, try playing off one

February It's much cheaper to buy a LAPTOP, DESK COMPUTER, PRINTER OR SCANNER in Februarythan in the run-up to Christmas, because the latest electronic kit is unveiled in the first three months of theyear. This means prices of previous models can be slashed by up to 30 per cent.

If you can't wait until then, PC World introduces new models every six weeks, so earlier models are continually available in its clearance ranges, both instore and online*. It also offers discounted refurbished machines and £50 trade-in reductions. Bargains can be found, too, on specialist websites such as Compuchange*, which specialises in opened/damaged box products, saving you up to 50 per cent on retail prices while offering ayear's warranty.

March At discount outlets or factory shops

CURTAINS, CARPETS, WALLPAPER, SOFT FURNISHINGS AND PAINT are 42

JOHNPRATT/ GETTYIMAGES

January

gym against another by asking a competitor to waive its joining fee or to throw in a personal training session. Some gyms offer a free month's membership if you pay upfront for ayear. You don't have to go to a big-name place, either—many council-run gyms have excellent facilities at low pay-per-use prices.

HAROLD MLAMBER T/ LAMBERT/ GETTYIMAGES

available at bargain prices. The Good Deal Directory* lists hundreds of factory outlets nationwide. Editor Noelle Walsh says, "I saved £17,000 when I redecorated and furnished a threebedroom house entirely with items bought in factory shops."

The Curtain Fabric Factory Shop* in Fulham, west London, for example, offers very low prices on discontinued lines and cancelled orders of curtains. The Curtain Exchange*sells top-quality, secondhand curtains from show homes or interiordesign displays at branches around the country. Criterion #2 Tiles* has seconds and discontinued lines of wall and floor tiles for around half the cost of perfect equivalents at its two London showrooms.

Fired Earth's factory shop at Adderbury in Oxfordshire* sells seconds and discontinued stock of tiles, paints, Aga

wood-burning stoves, Aga cookware, kitchens, baths and bathroom equipment.

April New TVS hit the shops in spring. And because the financial year for the big Japanese manufacturers ends in March, it's the best time to look for discounts on previous models.

If you're feeling impatient, head to one of the 44 Richer Sounds* stores across the UK, where flat-panel LCD and plasma televisions, hi-fi separates, DVD players ►

* See readersdigest.co.uk/tinks for all weblinks

43

May The two spring Bank Holidays this month mean that DIY superstores such as B&Q, Homebase and bigger Currys stores run their special promotions. Check their websites*for details during May and you'll find that you can save up to £100 on

44

BIG-TICKET HOME APPLIANCES. At the same time,

GARDEN FURNITURE, BARBECUES, RADIATORS AND BATHROOMS are cut by around 25 per cent.

Meanwhile, a constantly changing selection of cut-price china, glassware, wall-coverings, flooring, carpets, curtains, blinds and more can be found on the luxury-for-less website* run by Alison Cork, the presenter of ITV's 60-Minute Makeover. You can shop for homeware bargains by category or area, and a handy Discount Diary gives news of shop sales and warehouse clearances. A bargain of the month is always highlighted on the site.

BERT HA RDYADVE RTISIN GARCHIVE/ HULTONARCHIVE/ GE TTY IMA GES

and home cinemas are available at very low prices.

As well as having new models, Richer Sounds is used by major Japanese distributors for clearing discontinued products, many at below-trade prices. There are always clearance bargains and mail-order returns, with products guaranteed for ayear.

* See readersdigest.co.uk/Links for all weblinks

KEY STONE/ GETTYIMA GES

June

"How do you get Sky on this?"

July's the month for beds

FASHION SHOPS start their summer sales earlier each year. By mid-June many high-street chains, specialist boutiques and designer-label outlets are slashing prices by up to 80 per cent.

Sale periods are also getting longer, with many lasting six to eight weeks.

It's also worth taking a trip to permanent discount outlets, where retailers sell excess stock, returns and discontinued lines all year. These include shops run by mail-order companies clearing old catalogue stock.

Try the McArthurGlen* designer outlet centres throughout the country; Bicester Outlet Shopping Village* in Oxfordshire;

and Clarks Village Factory Shopping* in Street, Somerset.

July

Buy a NEW BED or mattress this month and you'll sleep sweetly knowingyou've saved up to 50 per cent in the summer sales. Other items of furniture are often discounted by up to 50 per cent at department stores and specialist retailers—look out in particular for discontinued or ex-shop-floor sofas.

Orders for new designs placed during the sales typically attract 10 to 20 per cent discounts. You should also be able to save at least 50 per cent on seasonal items such as barbecues, hammocks, garden furniture and larger outdoor children's toys. ► 45

August is a quiet month at CAR SHOWROOMS and it's easier to strike a bargain priorto the number-plate changes in September (and March). Outgoing models are discounted in late summer.

Try negotiating by saying, "I'm taking last year's model off your hands, so what's your best price?" Don't forget to ask for all the extras—radio, sunroof, alloy

46

September Start thinking about your PATIO OR GARDEN this month. Garden centres and local nurseries often discount plants that are no longer in flower, along with any shrubs or trees that won't survive winter unplanted. "Plants that are no longer in flower don't appeal to general buyers, but

HULTON ARCHIVE/ G ETTYIMAGES

August

wheels—that add value to the deal. Get an offer, then shop around. You could save up to £1 ,500 just on a modest hatchback (perhaps even by playing one dealer off against another). Ask about part-exchange deals as well.

are perfect for long-term gardeners," says Daphne Dormer of the London nursery Chelsea Gardener. Try the Garden Centre Association* for lists of top garden centres.

Low-priced plants can also be bought from the private gardens listed in the National Garden Scheme's The Yellow Book (£9.99 with free UK p&p when you order online*), and you can buy low-cost plants on open days at horticultural colleges.

October

GE ORGE M ARKS/ GETT Y IMAGES

With winter looming, it's time to review your ENERGY BILLS. Online price comparison websites* compare deals and helpyou switch suppliers.

And why stop at utilities? Most sites compare prices for a range of services includingyour home phone, broadband, mobile phone and digital TV packages; car and home insurance; breakdown cover; travel and pet insurance; and personal finance—credit cards, mortgage, personal loans, current accounts. In many cases, switching providers can save you hundreds of pounds.

November This is a surprisingly good time to buy a HOUSE OR FLAT. With most people's thoughts turning to Christmas, fewer new properties come on the market.

On the other hand, owners of those that have been stuck for a few months may drop their prices to ensure a * See readersdigest.co.uk/links for all weblinks

pre-Christmas sale. And since it's likely you'll be in the minority of house-hunters, you could be pleasantly surprised if you put in a cheekily low offer.

December Many shops now start their sales before Christmas, so wait until the sale signs appear before buying gifts. Some retailers reduce WRAPPING PAPER, CARDS AND DECORATIONS in the last few days before Christmas. Supermarkets also slash the prices of festive food to clear their shelves on Christmas Eve, and department stores often run last-minute fashion promotions.

Savvy shoppers should, of course, now be preparing themselves to brave the Boxing Day crowds for the start of the "January" sales... ■

In Kautokeino, Norway, there are 100,000 reindeer and just 3,000 people, so it's no wonder the Local Samis' lives revolve around their herds — as they have for centuries. ka Larsen meets the lateSt generation 48

Nils Pedar Gaup, 53, often sings as he feeds his reindeer.

"It's a special kind of singing, called yoiking in Sami culture," says Larsen. "You yoik to remember the people that are important to you. Gaup was yoiking his wife"

►

Gaup's iece Sara Marled. Gaup (top left) nd her family ressed in al hand tradi sewn ga ti—attend a con !nation party in utokeino.

These are huge events that can go on for several days. Larsen says they are crucial to social and family life in a land as sparse as northern Norway

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4-"This motpn-day rocnainting in Kautokeino folio 4 in the Pt historic tradition of Scandinavian petroglyphs—ancient carvings—that often depict reindeer

ERIK A LARSEN/ REDUX

, n Kautokeino, Norway, the terrain can be harsh,

with temperatures dropping to minus 45 degrees C; f and every winter there is a six-week spell during which the sun doesn't rise at all.

Most of the 3,000 people who live here belong to the Sami, an ancient, semi-nomadic people who have reared reindeer for centuries. Reindeer "are the life of the people" here, according to photographer Erika Larsen, who's spent three years, on and off, documenting the life of Sami herder Nils Pedar Gaup and his family.

Life is hard work. "You're married to reindeer herding," says Larsen. But with the responsibilities of reindeer husbandry comes freedom. "It's their life. They call the shots," she says. "They are proud to be Sami."

51

Left: Gaup's son Ante Issat Gaup skins a calf during the autumn slaughter.

The skin will be preserved using a bark treatment, before being used to make shoes for confirmation services

During harsh winters, grass is fed to the reindeer because snow cover makes it hard for them to find their own food.

Then, in the spring, the family migrates with the reindeer from their winter pastures in the tundra of Kautokeino to summer grazing land near Oksfjord, 125 miles north. The journey takes up to two weeks, and the herders stay in tepee-like tents called lavvos (see over) along the way

Ellen Garen Gaup (top left) takes her two-month-old daughter out with the reindeer, accompanied by her mother Ingrid.

The children get acclimatised to being outside," says Larsen. The family will stay in a lavvo (pictured below) for two weeks during the summer calf-marking

54

The family smoke reindeer meat in a lavvo in winter.

"They hang meat at the top and they start a fire at the bottom. It's a very low and very smoky fire," says Larsen. The family will eat some of the meat themselves and sell the rest on ►

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Ingor Ante Nils Pedar and his dog Girju reindeer-spot on the icy tundra of Kautokeino.

Northern Scandinavia is the largest area in the world where the indigenous people still follow an ancestral way of life based on the seasonal migrations of animals ■

readerscligest.co.uk

57

As the Northern Lights glow above the Norwegian tundra, a reindeer sic is put out to dry in froi of a tarp caller ' "I came here to understand the primal drive of the modern hunter," says Larsen. "Through the Sami I hope to better understand our role as stewards of the earth." •

58

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

The Reader's.::::: •• • Digest 2011 .::•'` Guide to Keeping ••• Holistically Healthy!

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MIND It's time to stop moaning—and just enjoy the best time in all human history to be alive, says "rational optimist" Matt Ridley PAGE 68 ■

BODY The ultimate diet discovered THE 17FIM; at last! (And with the science --- at to back it up.)

FPRTYHEALTH. PLUS 40 (count them!) ways that you can feel better in just five minutes

!

IET PAGE 74 ■

SPIRIT Globe-trotting vicar Peter Owen-Jones tells us how his TV travels have taught him what really matters in life readersdigestco.uk

59

-

MIND BODY SPIRIT Attention all moaners: there's never been a better time to be alive—and here are 23 reasons why!

CHEER UP: IT WILL NEVER

HAPPEN Feeling blue about the world? "Cheer up," says

science writer Matt Ridley (pictured right). "The world has never been a better place to live in, and it will keep on getting better, both for humans and for nature."

Ridley, who lives outside Newcastle Upon Tyne with his wife and two children, calls himself a rational optimist—rational, because he's carefully weighed the evidence; optimistic, because that evidence shows human progress to be both inevitable and good. And this is what he's set out to prove in his most recent book, duly entitled The Rational Optimist. ► readersdigest.co.uk

As someone who's been a foreign things. The more we specialise and correspondent, a zoologist, an econo- exchange, the better off we'll be. mist and a financier, as well as the author of prize-winning books on sci- 2 Self-sufficiency? ence, Ridley, 52, writes from a unique Forget it perspective. Standing back from the By 9am I have showered in water rat race of modern life, he views hu- heated by North Sea gas; shaved with manity as a grand enterprise that, on an American razor powered by British the whole, has done little but progress coal; eaten bread made with French for 100,000years. He backs his findings wheat and spread with New Zealand with hard facts garnered through years butter and Spanish marmalade; brewed tea from Sri Lanka; dressed in clothes of research.

"People say I'm bonkers to claim made from Indian cotton and the world will go on getting better, yet Australian wool; put on shoes of Chinese leather and Malaysian I can't stop myself;" he says. "None of rubber; and read a newspaper the statistics and facts I collected printed on Finnish paper in the book has been underCorn pared mined or proved wrong. It is with 50 y ears ago, with Chinese ink. I have consumed minuscule not insane to believe in a happy future for people and the avera ge human fractions of the producnow ear ns nearly tive labour of hundreds the planet."

So rather than give in three tim es more of people. This is the magic of trade and speto the temptation to moan mo ney cialisation. Self-sufficiency and worry, why not learn to is poverty be a sunny optimist, and see the world through Matt Ridley's eyes?

Here's how he explains his upbeat view. 3 We're all better off Compared with 50 years ago, when I was just two years old, the average 1 Shopping fuels invention By one estimate there are more than human now earns nearly three times ten billion different products for sale as much money (corrected for inflation), in London alone. Even allowing for the eats one-third more calories, buries many people who still live in abject two-thirds fewer children and can poverty, our own generation has access expect to live one-third longer. In fact, to more calories, watts, horsepower, it's hard to find any region of the world gigabytes, megahertz, nanometres, that's worse off now than it was then, square feet, air miles, kilos of food per even though the global population has hectare, miles per gallon and, of course, doubled over that period.

Overall, the outcome for the world pounds and dollars than any who lived before us. This will continue as long has been remarkably, astonishingly, as we use these things to make other dramatically positive.

62

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

( 46.

A car today emits less pollution travelling at full speed than a parked car did from leaks in 1970 4 We've never had it so bad?

Nonsense. The middle classes luxuriating in their new cars and gadgets when I was born would be described today as below the poverty line. The average working man, when Harold Macmillan told him he'd "never had it so good", earned less in real terms than his modern equivalent can now get in benefits if unemployed with three children.

GR EGSMITH/ INDEX STOCK IMAGERY/ PHOTOLIBRARY.COM

5 Poverty is nose-diving

fuel and shelter—have grown markedly cheaper. Take one example. In 1800 a candle providing one hour's light cost six hours' work. In the 1880s the same light from a kerosene lamp took 15 minutes' work to pay for. In 1950 it was eight seconds. Today it's half a second.

In these terms we are 43,200 times better off than in 1800.

7 But surely the environment is worse off?

The rich get richer, but the poor do even No. In Europe, rivers, lakes, seas and better. Between 1980 and 2000 the poor air are getting cleaner all the time. A doubled their consumption. The Chi- car today emits less pollution travelling nese are ten times richer and live 28 at full speed than a parked car did from years longer than 50 years ago. Niger- leaks in 1970. ians are twice as rich and live nine more years. The percentage of the world's 8 Forget nostalgia people living in absolute poverty has Some people argue that in the past there dropped by over half. The UN estimates was a simplicity, tranquillity, sociability that poverty was reduced more in the and spirituality that's now been lost. past 50 years than in the previous 500. This rose-tinted nostalgia is generally confined to the wealthy. It's easier to 6 Brilliant advances wax elegiac for the life of a peasant One reason we are richer, healthier, when you don't have to use a long-drop taller, cleverer, longer-lived and freer toilet. The biggest-ever experiment in than ever before is that the four most back-to-the-land hippy lifestyle is now basic human needs—food, clothing, known as the Dark Ages. readersdigest.co.uk

63

9 More farm production= halved. This is happening despite people living longer and infant-mortality more wilderness While world population has increased rates dropping. The UN's best bet now four-fold since 1900, other things have is that population will start falling once increased, too—area of crops by 30 per it peaks at 9.2 billion in 2075—so there cent, harvests by 600 per cent. At the is every prospect of feeding the world for ever. After all, there are already= same time, more than two billion 6.8 billion people on earth and acres of "secondary" tropical they are eating better and forest are now regrowing No co untry since farmers left them to - has a hig her birth better every decade. head for cities, and it is rate than it had in 12 Fossil fuels already almost as rich in biodiversity as primary 1960, and in the less or slavery?

Since a reasonably fit forest. In fact, I will develop ed world person on an exercise make an outrageous bike can generate about prediction: the world will - the birth rate has hal ved 50 watts of electricity, it feed itself to a higher and would take 150 slaves working higher standard throughout eight-hour shifts to produce the this century without ploughing 2,500 watts consumed every day by the any new land. average person on the planet. (Americans would need 660 slaves, Nigerians 10 Celebrate urban sprawl City dwellers take up less space, use 16.) Instead, it is coal, oil and gas that less energy and have less impact on spin your washing machine, fuel the natural ecosystems than country dwell- lorries and planes that get food to your ers. The world's cities now contain half supermarket and make the fertiliser its people, but they occupy less than that grows it. Next time you lament three per cent of its land area. "Urban human dependence on fossil fuels, sprawl" may disgust environmentalists, pause to imagine that for every family but living in the country is not the of four you see in_the street there could best way to care for the earth. The best be 600 unpaid slaves back home powthing we can do for the planet is build ering their lifestyle. more skyscrapers.

131s commercialism really heartless?

11 Population is In the pre-commercial world, execunot a threat Although world population is growing, tions were a spectator sport. In the the rate of increase has been falling for 19th century, when so many people 50 years. No country has a higher birth were drawn into dependence on marrate than it had in 1960, and in the less kets, slavery, child labour and cockfightdeveloped world the birth rate has ing were outlawed. In the late 20th 64

SHI WEI/BEST VIEW STOCK/PHOTOLIBRARY.COM

century we made a stand against rac- climate change itself. A child that dies ism, sexism and child molestation. So from indoor smoke in a village denied far this century, battery farming and fossil-fuel electricity by well-meaning unilateral declaration of war are just greens trying to save the world is just about banished. Charitable giving as great a tragedy as a child that dies grows faster than the economy and the in a flood caused by climate change. If intemet reverberates with people shar- climate change proves to be mild, but ing tips for free. How can you say com- cutting carbon causes real pain, we may mercialism has made us evil, selfish well find that we have stopped a noseand grasping? bleed by putting a tourniquet around our necks.

14 Oil is running out?

In 1970 there were 550 billion barrels of oil reserves in the world and in the next 20 years the world used 600.

So by 1990, reserves should have been overdrawn by 50 billion barrels. Instead, they amounted to 900 billion—not counting tar sands and oil shale that between them contain about 20 times the proven reserves of Saudi Arabia.

Oil, coal and gas are finite, but between them they will last for decades, perhaps centuries, and people will find alternatives long before they run out.

15 Let's not kill ourselves for climate change Mitigating climate change could prove just as damaging to human welfare as

16 We all need cheap energy Despite what you may have read, extreme climate outcomes are so unlikely, and depend on such wild assumptions, that they do not dent my optimism one jot. If there is a 99 per cent chance that the world's poor can grow much richer for a century while still emitting carbon dioxide, then who am Ito deny them that chance? After all, the richer they get, the less weatherdependent their economies will be, and the more affordable their adaptation to climate change. The world economy needs plentiful energy and the cheapest source of that energy at the moment is fossil fuels.

The best thing we can do for the planet is build more skyscrapers

A big hurricane struck the wellprepared Yucatan in 2007 and killed nobody. The best defences against -Flom disaster are prosperity an 17 Storms are getting worse?

Not at all. While the climate warmed slightly last century, the incidence of hurricanes and cyclones fell. Since the 1920s, the global annual death rate from weather-related natural disasters (ie, the proportion of the world's population killed, rather than simply the overall number) has declined by a staggering 99 per cent. The killing power of hurricanes depends more on wealth than on wind speed. A big hurricane struck the well-prepared Yucatan in Mexico in 2007 and killed nobody. A similar storm struck impoverished Burma the next year and killed 200,000. The best defences against disaster are prosperity and freedom.

18 Nature always changes An obsession with "the balance of nature" runs through Western science.

The enduring fallacy is of some perfect state to which an ecosystem will return.

This is bunk. Take the place where I'm sitting. Its climax vegetation is oak trees, but they arrived a few thousand years ago, replacing pines and birch—and 66

before that, tundra. Around 18,000 years ago, I'd have been sitting under a mile of ice, and 120,000 years ago, swimming with hippos in a steaming swamp. There is no equilibrium in nature, only constant dynamism.

19 Ideas fuel the world The more we prosper, the more we can prosper. The more we invent, the more inventions become possible. The world of things is often subject to diminishing returns. The world of ideas is not: the ever-increasing exchange of ideas causes the ever-increasing rate of innovation in the modern world. And the wonderful thing is that knowledge is genuinely limitless. There's not even a theoretical possibility of exhausting our supply of ideas, discoveries and inventions.

20 We can solve all our problems If you say the world will go on getting better, you are considered mad. If you say catastrophe is imminent, you may expect the Nobel Peace Prize. Bookshops groan with pessimism; airwaves are crammed with doom. I cannot recall READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

CHEER UP! a time when I was not being urged by somebody that the world could survive only if it abandoned economic growth.

But the world will not continue as it is.

The human race has become a problemsolving machine: it solves those problems by changing its ways. The real danger comes from slowing change.

and Germany, were richer than they'd been in 1930. All sorts of new products and industries were born during the Depression. So growth will resume unless prevented by wrong policies.

Someone, somewhere, is tweaking a piece of software, testing a new material or transferring the gene that will make life easier or more fun.

21 We're the luckiest generation 2' Optimists are right This generation has experienced more For 200 years pessimists have had all peace, freedom, leisure time, education, the headlines—even though optimists medicine and travel than any generation have far more often been right. There in history. Yet, it is lapping up is immense vested interest in gloom at every opportunity. pessimism. No charity ever When Igo to Even good news is preraised money by saying sented as bad. Consummy superstore I do things are getting better. ers do not celebrate No journalist ever got not see people driven their wonderful field of the front page by writto misery by the choice and, according ing a story about how impossibility of to psychologists, say disaster was now less they are "overwhelmed". choice. I see people likely. Good news is no When I go to my local news. As a result, preschoosing superstore I do not see sure groups and their cuspeople driven to misery by tomers in the media go to great the impossibility of choice. I see lengths to search even the most people choosing. cheerful of statistics for glimmers of doom. Don't be browbeaten—dare - Don't be depressed to be an optimist! ■ about this Depression As told to John Dyson The Great Depression of the 1930s was >> Do you agree with Matt Ridley? Email just a dip in the upward slope of human us at readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk living standards. By 1939, even the >> For more on his ideas, visit his website worst-affected countries, America at rationaloptimist.com

C OULD HAVE PHRASED THAT BETTER From a letter of complaint published in Radio Times: "This kind of programme is an insult to women and anybody with a brain!"

Submitted by Stephen Hines, Birmingham readersdigest.co.uk

67

Can't stick to cutting calories every day?

The good news is that just cutting them every other day might be the best diet yet When you start a new diet, even if the pounds do drop

off and you proudly buckle your belt several notches tighter, there's the depressing realisation that they'll probably creep back on once you stop being eagle-eyed about what's on your plate. So how about this for a ridiculous claim? A diet that lets you lose weight without being constantly hungry—and that doesn't slow down your metabolism, so the weight won't whizz right back on again. Can it be for real?

Well yes, there genuinely is a type of diet that does both of these things. What's more, it also protects you against disease by making very specific changes to

THE ULTIMATE

PHOTOGRAPHED BY SEAMUS RYAN

69

your body chemistry. You'll have less damaging inflammation, better control of your blood-sugar levels and maybe even a reduced chance of a failing memory in old age.

It's a diet that I first mentioned in Reader's Digest this time last year, when new research indicated promising results. Since then, further studies suggest this really could be the ultimate diet.

The basic idea is remarkably simple: you eat every other day. And that's it.

You fast for one day and eat normally the next. Fast for another day, then eat normally, and so on.

Of course, there are variations and guidelines. Most people eat something on the "down" days—usually 400-500 calories for the first two weeks (say, a boiled egg and a slice of toast for breakfast; soup for lunch; chicken breast and salad for supper); and up to 750 after that. It also makes sense not to binge wildly on the "up" days.

But how can something so simple have

so many claims made for it?

It's actually an update of a discovery made before the Second World War. Since the 1930s, nutrition scientists have known that animals fed a lowcalorie diet—around the equivalent of 1,200 to 1,500 calories a day for a human —will live about 30 per cent longer than normal. In fact, it's still the only sure way to extend lifespan. Animals kept on this diet have clearer arteries and lower blood pressure; they're glossy, healthy specimens. The problem is that to stay on this diet you have to be in captivity Few humans can stand a state 70

THE ULTIMATE DIET of permanent semi-starvation—as many days are actually easier than the up unsuccessful dieters will testify ones. "It's strangely true—down days But that all changed in 2003 when are a lot easier. I haven't cheated on Dr Mark Mattson, a neuroscientist at them once. It really does work knowing the National Institute on Aging in you can 'have it tomorrow'. It's the eating America, made a discovery that trans- days you have to be careful with, as it formed the benefits of lifelong calorie re"I read of the benefits striction from a laboratory curiosity into 1 eating every other a potential moneyspinner. He found Jay five years ago and rats still got all the i had to try it myself" health benefits even when their calories Dr James Johnson were cut only on alternate days. would be quite easy to go over the top."

So would it work for us humans?

As a rough guide, Mattson would Mattson thought it seemed likely. "Our recommend an average of1,800-2,200 basic metabolism was set up when we calories a day for men and1,600-2,000 were hunter-gatherers," he says, "and for women. Getting to that average by then the pattern would have been a eating every other day, it seems, is a lot mixture of feast and famine. We'd go easier than feeling hungry all the time. several days without food and then have a sudden splurge when a good One of the first clinicians to use the diet supply was found." Small trials he ran in a practical way was Dr James Johnson, on humans found their health started an instructor in plastic surgery at Louimproving in the same ways. isiana State University School of MedAnd even though this diet is not yet icine and author of The Alternate-Day on offer at your local WeightWatchers, Diet (02.99). "I'd see a lot of obese peothe internet is abuzz with its benefits. ple in my practice and I wanted to help There are dozens of videos on YouTube, them," he says. "I first read a research and blogs reporting personal experi- paper on the benefits of eating every ences. Here's one blogger who found other day about five years ago and I had the weight stayed off: "At the end of to try it myself. I've always been a bit 2008 I lost 151b and then I stopped the overweight and it sounded much easier diet. Nine months later, in October, I'd than the diets I'd been trying and failing only put on 21b. By the end of that month at for years." Johnson lost 351b in 11 I'd lost what I'd gained and another weeks and became a convert. The book 7.5lbs. It's gone forever! Woohoo." and a website followed.

Another describes how the down In 2007 he did one of the first studies readersdigest.co.uk

71

showing that the alternate-day diet could be used to treat specific health problems, when he put ten obese people with asthma on it. After eight weeks they'd lost eight per cent of their bodyweight, and their wheezing and shortness of breath had greatly decreased. Blood tests showed their levels of damaging free radicals had dropped by 90 per cent and inflammation was down by 70 per cent. About two weeks after coming off the diet, the symptoms began to return.

The results appeared in the science journal Free Radical Biology & Medicine.

By this time, other researchers were getting interested in finding out why eating every other day should have this range of benefits.

One of them was Krista Varady, who is

assistant lecturer in kinesiology (the science of human movement) and nutrition at University of Illinois, Chicago.

"What intrigued me about alternate-day fasting," she says, "was that it seems people can actually stick to it a little bit better than daily caloric restriction."

She certainly found it made life much easier for very overweight people, who are regularly put on low-calorie diets of 20 to 40 per cent of what they normally eat. Last year she published a study showing that a group who did the same thing every other day still lost between 101b and 301b in ten weeks.

72

Now she's looking at why the diet has all those other health benefits. One part of the jigsaw, it turns out, is a protein called adiponectin. The reason the "muffin top", targeted by so many diets, is bad for your health is that extra fat around your belly can be actively harmful. It can pump out all sorts of damaging chemicals that make your liver and

"What intrigued me was that people can actually stick to this diet better" Krista Varady, lecturer in nutrition

cardiovascular system less efficient.

Shrinking your muffin top helps to reverse this by boosting production of adiponectin, which makes your liver more responsive to insulin (diabetics have poor insulin sensitivity) and damps down inflammation (chronic inflammation is linked with heart disease).

Last March, Varady's research showed that people on an alternate-day diet boosted their production of adiponectin by 30 per cent, as well as lowering their fatty triglycerides—high levels are a marker for heart disease.

She's also found that exercise can boost adiponectin by the same amount as the alternate-day diet.

The picture that's emerging, then, is

that this diet can trigger some of the same healthy responses as exercise. So READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

THE ULTIMATE DIET what might the two have in common?

One possible answer is that both are ways of turning on SIRT1, which has been dubbed "the skinny gene". Research is emerging that the gene can be triggered by some sort of short, sharp stress—such as a drop in calories or a burst of exercise. Last July, researchers at Washington School of Medicine found that putting mice on a calorierestricted diet "significantly increases SIRT1 protein levels".

The effect of SIRTI protein is like a super spring clean. It improves protection from free-radical damage, helps to repair DNA, cuts down inflammation and makes mitochondria—the tiny power plants in each of our cells—work more efficiently.

This, says James Johnson, explains why the diet is so effective. "Getting 20 per cent of your normal amount of calories on a down day is enough to kick-start the SIRT1 pathway within a few weeks—and eating what you want the next day doesn't turn it off."

alternate-day diet can improve the mental performance of these unhealthy animals and make their brain cells better able to cope with ageing—and Mattson believes the same should be true for humans, although the big trials haven't been done yet. "Moderation in dietary energy intake is likely to protect the brain against age- and diseaserelated decline," he says.

There are still plenty of unknowns about the diet, and more research will be needed before it's used clinically for the likes of diabetes or asthma.

Meanwhile, though, for those who want to lose weight, it's simple to follow and you don't have to do it all the time.

"Now I use it to keep my weight stable," says Johnson. "If it starts going up, I'll just go back on it for a few weeks.

This is about the most healthy thing you can do for yourself." ■

IME OUT TO RECOVER

But it's not just your risk of heart disease and diabetes that seems to be cut; the

diet may also be a way of fighting the mental decline that comes with ageing.

Mark Mattson has recently reported that restricting calories has a protective effect on the brain. "We know rats and mice that are overweight and insulinresistant start having memory and thinking problems as they get older," he says. 'And studies with human diabetics show the same thing."

So can the process be reversed? An readersdigest.co.uk

"I spotted this unusual claim on a restaurant awning in Edgware Road, London. It can only be a tribute to their marvellous food."

Submitted by Snaps Pikazo, London

73

FORTY HEALTH FIXES Better health in less time than it takes to dial. for a takeaway? It can be done!

Try these simple tips for boosting your fitness, wellbeing and mood—fast

74

Quick ways to limber up Every morning, roll out of bed and do these easy stretches

MIND BODY SPIRIT

1.The hamstring stretch. Lie on your

back with knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Lift your right knee towards your chest and loop an exercise band, tie or towel around the arch of your foot. Hold the ends of the band with your left hand. Extend your leg towards the ceiling. Place your right palm against your right thigh and press it as you use the band to increase the stretch. Hold for 30 seconds, release and repeat three times. Switch legs and repeat.

2. The trunk stretch. Prepare your back for the stress of sitting at a desk all day with this simple exercise. Sit on the floor with knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Lift your toes until only your heels touch the floor.

Sit tall with back straight and spine long and extended.

Place your hands on your shins.

Tuck your chin into your chest, then bend forward from the hips, and pull your torso as far down as you can towards your knees. Hold for two seconds, release, then repeat ten times. Do this exercise periodically during the day to release tension in your lower back

3. The pelvic tilt. This stretch helps to relax the back muscles and realign the pelvis. Lie on your back with knees bent and feet on the floor. Lift your right thigh towards your chest, grasping the back of your thigh with both hands. Bring your knee as close to your chest as you can. Hold for two seconds, release, then repeat ten times. Switch legs and repeat. ►

PHOTOGRAPHED BY RUSSELL SADUR/READER'S DIGEST

75

bed. Grip a 2kg or 4kg dumbbell (or a bag of sugar) with both hands and extend it behind your head, letting your arms hang down towards the floor. Take 4. Have a mini-massage three times ten deep breaths, trying to expand your a week. It doesn't have to be done by a ribcage as much as possible. Afterwards, professional—rope in a friend or part- lie on the bed, with head supported, and take another ten deep breaths. ner. In one study of depressed Repeat three times. This dialysis patients, those who 7. When you're stretch will open the ribreceived just a 12-minute feeling nervous, cage and chest, making it massage three times a tighten and release easier to take a larger week were found to be abdominal muscles. Repeat lungful of oxygen. Most several times. This takes your less depressed than those mind off your anxiety and is a people with mild dewho didn't. A similar study on a group of preg- particularly good exercise for pression are shallow when you are jittery about breathers because their nant women suffering an upcoming event chest and stomachs are from depression revealed or presentation too tense. the same findings.

How to drive away depression

5. Use a light box in the winter. Bright-

light therapy has been shown to relieve depression during pregnancy as effectively as taking antidepressants, and using a light box is thought to ease other types of depression too, especially SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) experienced by some when sunlight is in short supply. The therapy involves sitting in front of a light box first thing every day.

6.Ifyouwakefeeling low, do breathing exercises. Lie on your

back with your head over the edge of the

8. Stay up all night. Studies have shown

that missing a night's sleep can actually lift depression for up to a month. Although researchers aren't exactly sure why this works, the theory is it may effectively reset the body's internal sleep clock, enabling those who are depressed to sleep more soundly.

FORTY HEALTH FIXES

Boost your looks 9. Skip long, hot showers and opt for

shorter, cooler ones.

Blisteringly hot water strips skin of moisture and washes away the natural protective oils.

So limit showers to ten minutes and keep the water warmish.

10. Use olive oil to smooth your skin. It

contains monounsaturated fat, which rehydrates the skin

without leaving a residue. It's also cheaper than most cosmetic oils. Smooth a couple of drops over your face, elbows, knees and the backs of your arms every evening.

11. Brush your teeth with sodium bicarbonate once a week to remove

stains and whiten for a Hollywood-style smile.

To check the freshness of your breath, lick your palm and smell while it's still wet.

Try a natural healer After you've taken first-aid measures, herbal preparations can help your skin heal speedily from grazes, wounds and burns. Always dilute essential oils into a carrier oil such as sweet almond before applying to the skin. Use up to 12 drops in six to eight teaspoons of carrier oil. The exception is lavender oil, which can be applied neat to the skin.

12.For recent wounds or burns. Use aloe vera gel, or lavender essential oil applied to the affected area. For scars, rosehip seed oil is reputed to encourage healing of scars and stretchmarks.

Or use undiluted lavender oil.

13.For sunburn. Apply witch hazel liquid or gel, calendula cream or aloe vera gel. readersdigest.co.uk

14. USE AN ANTIWRINKLE CREAM It takes just two minutes a day, so why wouldn't you?

Most creams reduce the appearance of fine lines, but for more dramatic results, use one that contains retinoids, the vitamin A derivatives found only in products such as Retin-A and Renova. Originally used in the -196os to treat acne, they stimulate the production of collagen, which boosts the skin's elasticity, plumping out wrinkles.

Some over-the-counter creams contain low doses of Retin-A (check the packet). But pure Retin-A gel or cream can only be obtained by prescription.

Your GP can referyou to a dermatologist to advise on the correct strength. l•

77

Improve your diet-without really trying 15.Food-shop on a full stomach. You'll be less likely to pick up high-calorie

foods in a bid to satisfy cravings for carbohydrates or fat.

16.Choose prepared food with a short ingredient list. It's unrealistic to completely stop buying ready meals or prepared food, but remember, the shorter the list, the healthier the food (unless the first ingredient listed is sugar or butter, of course).

17.Buy frozen, not canned. Fruit and vegetables that are flash-frozen at source lock in more nutrients than many fresh or canned alternatives.

18.Sneak vegetables into your diet by eating carrot sticks instead of crisps, starting each dinner with a mixed green salad, or ordering pizza with extra veg. Remember the golden rule that half of your dinner plate should be filled with vegetables.

That leaves a quarter of the plate for starch and a quarter for lean meat or fish—the perfectly balanced meal, say nutrition experts. Get extra fruit by freezing banana slices or grapes in a sealable bag for a refreshing snack.

19.Eat apples every day. They're a good source of pectin, a soluble fibre that contributes to a feeling of fullness. A study by the American College of Nutrition found that 5g (around three apples) of pectin was enough to leave people feeling satisfied for up to four hours.

20.

Place one or both palms on your abdomen and move in clockwise circles. This is the same direction in which food travels through the intestines 78

GLOWIMAGES/PHOTOLIBRARY.COM

•

FORTY HEALTH FIXES

Steps to stave off illness 21. Brush and floss your teeth daily for a healthy heart. Skip this and your mouth could become

infected with bacteria. There is now a proven link between gum disease and heart disease. It's thought that oral bacteria can enter the bloodstream via the gums. Dentists recommend brushing twice a day.

SIMPLE CHANGES FOR BETTER HEALTH

24. Quit smoking right now—what are you waiting for?

22. Eat a whole raw onion at the first hint of a cold 25. Walk briskly for 30 to stop infection dead in its tracks (though it may minutes every day. stop everyone else in their tracks, too). Onions 26. Have a small le--— ---,contain allicin, which boosts immunity and glass of wine reduces the severity of cold and flu symptoms. a couple of What's more, the pungent vapour released when evenings per you chop them contains irritant chemicals that week—red, make your eyes stream and your nose run, easing preferably—to congestion as well as flushing out virus particles reduce the risk of before they even take heart disease. hold. A more sociable 27. Take five way to get a dose minutes daily to of allicin is sit quietly, closeyour to add garlic eyes and practise deep to food breathing. or pop a 28. Talk to a friend—in garlic capsule. person or by phone.

29. Eat fish twice a week.

23. At the first sign of a cold or flu, take echinacea.

30. Take a multivitamin This herbal supplement reduces daily, especially if your the duration of cold sympdiet isn't perfect. toms, according to research 31. Always opt for whole, published in the journal natural foods and steer The Lancet Infectious away from anything Diseases. What's less packaged or processed. well known is that if 32. Drink tea, but in you take an echinacea moderation—it supplement regularly, "Ns■ enhances memory and you can more than halve helps concentration. your chances of catching 33. Get a good a cold in the first place. night's sleep!

79

34. NO MORE PAN STICK Invest in a reallygood non-stick pan or griddle soyour cooking will automatically contain less fat. Make sure the pan is hot before adding just a little oil—this creates a barrier between pan and food, ensuringyou don't need to add more oil to prevent sticking.

Superfoods to boost the immune system Include plenty of infection-fighting nutrients in your diet. Go for: 35. Protein. Eat at least 5og daily of lean meat, poultry, fish, eggs, legumes, nuts or seeds. Protein rebuilds strength and many sources also supply B vitamins, zinc and selenium, which are vital for a healthy immune system.

36. Antioxidants. Health-boosting compounds, such as vitamins C, E and beta carotene, are found in many fruits and vegetables. Lightly steam (rather than boil) vegetables to minimise the loss of nutrients during cooking.

37. Glutathione. An antioxidant that strengthens the immune system to fight infection. It's found in brassica 80

vegetables such as kale, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, spinach and cabbage, as well as watermelon.

38. Bioflavonoids.

Nutrients that boost immune responses and help speed recovery.

Found in citrus fruits, which are also rich in vitamin C. 39. Quercetin. A type of bioflavonoid that can stimulate the immune system. Quercetin-rich foods include broccoli, citrus fruits and onions.

40. Zinc. Important for healthy immune-system function and resistance to infections.

Zinc-rich foods include oysters, eggs, seeds, nuts and wholegrain cereals. • >> Includes extracts from i,00l Great Ways to Get Better (Reader's Digest, £26.99), out on January 7.

For more details and to buy, go to shop. readersdigest.co.uk.

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

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MIND BODY SPIRIT

He's a vicar who used to be an advertising executive. His parish is in rural. Sussex, but he's travelled the world in BBC2's Extreme Pilgrim and Around the World in 80 Faiths. So what has the Reverend Peter Owen-Jones learned along the way?

LIFE'S LESSONS Feelings We're all far more sensitive than we're taught to be. We're taught how to think—we're not taught how to feel. The manner in which we're educated in the West is profoundly brain-based. We're loaded from a very early age with as much empirical knowledge as we can absorb: dates, equations, methods, numbers, words.

Those who are good at absorbing this type of knowledge have a much better chance of thriving in a society that uses the ability to take in knowledge as a measure of worth; where thinking is valued more highly than feeling. Yet, empathy and intuition are part of how we relate to each PHOTO: ALAN BURLES

83

rerunning conversations we wished we'd handled differently. Beyond all that noise is a peace. It may take a mile or so for the incessant chatter to subside, but subside it always does once you start walking. ore too, vi Peter brushing up on his martial arts in China

Be the first to smile

I learned this when travelling around the world for my TV programmes.

There were times when we were in difficult situations and I'd smile when other: you can't respond to another per- I was scared because I felt that smiling son's pain unless you can feel it. might help ease the tension of the situThe environmental crisis we face ation we were in. is testament to the reality that, while I also learned that within the Muslim we've invented some clever processes faith, a smile is considered a gift from and tools, we've become numb to the one human to another—and it really consequences of our actions, unable does change everything. Since returning to feel the pain of pollution, of defor- home, I do it all the time. On the street, estation, or the tragedy of another ex- on the Tube, my rule is always to be the tinction. The future for all of us will first to smile. Nine times out of ten, the mean an awakening of feeling; an abil- greeting is returned! ity to journey with others; "to see what the eagle sees".

Find peace Walking is the speed we're designed to move at for most of the time. As well as giving us exercise, the rhythm of our steps is almost a meditation. There'll be a point when we become held by whatever it is we're observing—whether a particular view or the colours of petals—but we can only reach that place once our heads have stopped reminding us of emails that need writing, or 84

Enough is enough

We live in a society where we are constantly encouraged to want more. But if we buy into that, we'll find ourselves in a constant state of dissatisfaction; a constant state of craving, where once the hit of your latest purchase has worn off, you need to go out shopping again.

The "Monsters of More" prowl around our insecurities, whispering that we're not good enough unless we have whatever they happen to be selling at the time. But an expensive suit is merely an expensive disguise. I've learned on my travels that the antidote to READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

LIFE'S LESSONS

live in a village, and each brick, each piece of flint, even the way the shelves are stacked in the local shop are all there °X. because of the hand of another person.

But this capacity for creation is not just there in humanity. All life is in a We live on this beautiful planet, circling constant state of creation. We're not this huge nuclear reactor, somewhere separate from this energy: we're part in space. But our existence is, like all of it and it's part of us. The trouble physical existence, impermanent and starts when we behave as if we can take unstable; so wonderfully fragile. Far what we want. I'm in deep trouble if I from being a frightening thing, the believe that I'm in charge of all of this promise of death should make this blink rather than taking part in it.

The older I get, the more respect I of an eye even sweeter. I was going to call this lesson "party like the Greeks", have for each form of life: even a lake but I feel we can only do that once we've can teach us stillness. faced the truth that nothing is as it is for ever. Watching the sunrise always reminds me of that reality.

For all the many things I have done and seen and experienced, true knowledge of any of them does not happen unless Wherever we go, we travel into another you first know how to experience and ► human being's intimate landscape. I embrace silence.

constantly craving more is joyfully to accept less. It leads to a wonderful sense of liberation.

Watch the sunrise

Accept silence

Learn to respect

"Less tea, vicar?": Peter joins a group of ascetic Hindu sadhus in 2007

Embrace the silence: Peter living as a desert hermit in Extreme Pilgim

Falling in love I am for ever in the debt of my maths teacher who stood up in front of our class of ten-year-old boys and said, "When you fall in love you move

into a different reality, as if you are completely held in the gaze of another human being." Those words always remained with me.

What I didn't realise was that love does not follow the agreed lines of marriage, of race, or—thank God!— religion, and that we are utterly changed by the experience. I learned that fidelity is a gift given each day, but that demanding fidelity actually undermines love. That we cannot possess love, because it is never ours; it is only ours to give. That love has nothing to do with physical desire: you make someone beautiful by loving them. That love is the place where souls meet and wonder at the sheer existence of each other.

The fact that such love exists has given me real hope in the midst of the chaos and challenges of being human.

And it is there in all of us. • '>> Letters from an Extreme Pilgrim: Reflections on Life, Love and the Soul

(£9.99) by Peter Owen-Jones is out now.

ORE ORIGINAL THAN FINGERPRINTS It's all very well fleeing the scene of a crime—but if you leave your blue plaster cast behind, you might as well not bother.

Paul Hammond, 21, from Gloucestershire, was wearing the cast on his leg when he broke into a house last September. Among the items he stole were the keys to the owner's car...which he promptly crashed into a fence a few miles away. Fearing his cast would impede his getaway, he cut it off and left it behind.

Unfortunately, a neighbour spotted the hobbling figure and called the police.

One of the officers attending the scene knew Hammond and, seeing the discarded cast lying in the road, put two and two together.

Hammond was sentenced to a two-year community order and a nine-month drug-rehabilitation requirement. He was also banned from driving for a year.

Submitted by Amanda Riley, Brighton

86

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Reader's Digest Valencia is one of Spain's undiscovered jewels with over has teamed up 300 days of sunshine and an average annual temperature of 19 degrees C. Situated just 2 hours and 20 minutes from London, it is ideal for those with the City of wanting a quick escape to the sun. Visitors to Valencia can enjoy amazing Valencia to give festivals such as Las Fallas and international events such as the Formula away two sunny One European Grand Prix. city breaks worth The winners will receive return flights via Ryanair, a two-night break £1,500 each. The staying in a luxury hotel, a personal guided tour of the city plus a Valencia Tourist Card for 72 hours, which provides free public transport within the lucky winners will receive two nights city and discounts on attractions and restaurants.

In addition, the lucky winners will also receive tickets to an opera in the beautiful performance at the magnificent Palau de les Arts (below), green fees to City of Valencia play golf at one of Valencia's beautiful courses, two meals at Valencia's where they can top restaurants, plus tickets into the unforgettable Bioparc zoo. For more information visit www.turisvalencia.es/ enjoy stunning architecture in the old city, gastronomy from top restaurants as well as traditional markets, blue flag beaches and large To enter, green just answer this question: Who did spaces.

Philip Glenister play in Life On Mars?A: Gene Hunt B: Gene Kelly or C: Gene Genie?

FIND THE ANSWER IN to enter; THIS. MONTH'S or text 'DIGEST' INE followed by answer A, B or C to '83310'. If you aren't lucky enough to win, call on

0034 963 390 39o, email turisvalencia a. turisvalencia.es or visit www.turisvalencia.es for more information

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CALLS COST £1.50 PER CALL FROM A BT LANOLINE. CALL CHARGES FROM OTHER NETWORK OPERATORS MAY VARY. CALLS FROM MOBILES MAY COST CONSIDERABLY MORE. TEXT ENTRIES COST £1.50 PLUS YOUR USUAL NETWORK RATE. ENTRANTS MUST BE 18 OR OVER. COMPETITION CLOSES MIDNIGHT ON 30TH JANUARY 2011. WINNERS WILL BE SELECTED AT RANDOM FROM ALL CORRECT ENTRIES ON 1ST FEBRUARY 2011. FOR FULL TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF ENTRY SEE WWW.READERSINGEST.CO.UK/TERMS. TO ENTER VIA EMAIL PLEASE SEND 'JANUARY' AND YOUR ANSWER TO COMPETITIONS@READERSDIGEST.CO.UK. FOR CUSTOMER SERVICE PLEASE CALL 0871 3511000. THE EDITOR'S DECISION 15 FINAL. HOLIDAY TO BE TAKEN AT ANY TIME UP TO DECEMBER 2011. EXCLUDING BANK HOLIDAYS. CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR. NO CASH ALTERNATIVE.

ETTY IMAGES

Our perceptions of the Queen Mother might not be entirely accurate—as author Peter Conradi discovered when he looked through the diaries of Lionel Logue, whose eyewitness accounts inspired the new film The King's Speech

I

nspirational wartime figurehead, much-admired centenarian or snobby old soak with rather too much love

for the gee-gees? Modern impressions of the Queen Mother vary wildly, depending on whether you believe the polite official biographies or the likes of the infamous Spitting Image caricature.

But a different picture emerges in the new film The King's Speech, starring Colin Firth, about her husband King George VI's accession to the throne in December 1936. Played

by Helena Bonham Carter, Elizabeth is funny, vivacious—and a vital support as she and speech therapist Lionel Logue help George to overcome the stutter that threatened to make his reign a laughing stock.

The film is based on Logue's diaries and letters, but as I pored through them with his grandson Mark for a book about Logue and the royals, I realised there is far more to say. The publican's son from Adelaide acquired a rare insight into the royal family as he coached the king for his public speeches during the turbulent 1930s and '40s. And, as she flits in and out of Logue's records, Elizabeth emerges as an eccentric, flirty, beautiful young woman who ran the, royal household with warmth and simplicity.

As soon as he met the couple, Logue could see that, far from being the aloof traditionalist many of us imagine, Elizabeth was full of affection for George— or Bertie, as the family called him. Whenever he rose to respond to a toast, she would grip the edge of the table until her knuckles were white, terrified that his speech impediment would get the better of him. Once, when he appeared about to give up, she reached out and squeezed his fingers until he was able to continue. And it was she who lovingly ensured that Bertie stuck rigorously to the diaphragm-based breathing exercises Logue prescribed.

George's first major speaking challenge after becoming King was his coronation in May 1937. He was apprehensive about giving his responses during the service in Westminster Abbey—and even more worried about a live broadcast he was due to make that same evening to millions across the Empire.

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ILLUSTR ATED LO NDO N NEWS LTD/ MARYEVANS

Yet the service and broadcast—the rehearsal of which was recorded, just in case—went off without a hitch and Logue noted in his diary how proud Elizabeth was of her husband. "It was wonderful, Bertie," she said after the transmission. "Much better than the record."

At that moment, Logue was struck by the way she looked at George and her "beautiful, shining blue eyes". The Australian almost swooned when she thanked him effusively and said "God bless you".

The Christmas of 1937 gave Logue a further glimpse into Elizabeth's life. After considerable hesitation, the King had decided to follow the example of his father George V and broadcast to the Empire on Christmas Day afternoon. Logue was invited to spend the day at Sandringham before assisting George. The celebrations, presided over by the Queen, were formal, but "nothing could have been more homely or sweeter than the hearty welcome [she] gave me", wrote Logue. ■ ©NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY, LONDON

George VI opens the National Maritime Museum in 1937, flanked by Princess Elizabeth, Queen Elizabeth and Queen Mary; (left) the King's speech therapist Lionel Logue in the same year

91

After a "jolly, fun meal" for about 20, the Queen put her After a hand on his shoulder and said: "Mr Logue, I do not know jolly meal, that Bertie and myself can ever thank you enough for what you have done for him. Just look at him now I do not think the Queen I have ever known him so light-hearted and happy."

Logue and the royal couple then retired to sit in front of led a the fire. They talked easily about things that had happened since the Coronation—including a bizarre incident at the round of Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday when an unhinged ex"Ring a serviceman, just escaped from an asylum, shouted "All this is hypocrisy!" during the two-minute silence.

Ring o' After the broadcast came the royal present-giving in the ballroom. Huge trestle tables covered in white paper were Roses", divided into three-foot-square present areas, marked by blue joined by ribbon, for each family member. The King gave the Queen 11-year-old a lovely sapphire coronet, but Logue was struck by the charming simplicity of the other gifts, including the wooden Princess toys for the children. The Queen led a round of "Ring a Ring o' Roses", joined by 11-year-old Princess Elizabeth, Margaret, Elizabeth seven, and other royal youngsters.

L

ogue's next recorded encounter with the Queen

was in June the following year, at Windsor. She was sunburnt after a day at Royal Ascot and commiserated with him about the poor health of his wife Myrtle, who had an inflamed gall bladder.

"Tell her how sorry I am that she is so ill and tell her what bad luck to have two operations in 12 months," she said, with genuine feeling.

Logue promised to pass on the message and said he hoped the Queen would enjoy her forthcoming trip to Paris: "She turned with her lovely eyes dancing with fun, and her hand to her mouth—just like a schoolgirl. And then she added— without further explanation-1f we don't get popped off' " Her offbeat sense of humour surfaced again during Logue's subsequent visits. She would insist he showed her how to perform his special speech-coaching tricks, like breathing with one lung—or sit rapt listening to his tales of Australia, such as the time he fought off a shark.

But she could show a fragile side, too. When he wished her well for a trip to Canada in May 1939 to drum up support

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READER'S DIGEST JANUARY '11

MOMEN TUM PICTURES

for the seemingly inevitable war, she replied, "Well, I hope "From the we don't work too hard, anyhow"—an apparent weariness diaphragm, for royal duty showing through. "We are looking forward to everybody": Geoffrey Rush coming home, already."

During the Second World War, Logue was constantly at as Logue (right) the King's side, starting with the broadcast he made in with the King Buckingham Palace on the evening of September 3,1939, the and Queen day Britain declared war on Germany. As the red light faded, Logue said, "Congratulations on your first wartime speech."

The King, relieved his ordeal was over, replied simply: "I expect I will have to do a lot more."

As George went off to have his photograph taken, the Queen and Logue stood chatting. "Bertie hardly slept at all last night, he was so worried," she said. "But now that we have taken the decisive step he is much more cheerful."

Yet that cheerful nature was strained as the conflict dragged on and the King had to make more and more grim broadcasts.

The Queen's unflinching support became ever more important, Logue noted. She would always wish him good luck before the transmission; afterwards, she would kiss him and tell him how splendidly he had done.

Logue remained at the King's side for important speeches until December 23,1944—when, rehearsing his Christmas broadcast at Sandringham, the King told him, "I think the readersdigest.co.uk

93

time has come when I can do a broadcast by myself, and you can have a Christmas dinner with your family."

Logue accepted the inevitable and, as he was about to leave, said to the Queen, "You know, Ma'am, I feel like a father who is sending his boy to his first public school." She patted his arm, and replied: "I know just how you feel."

Even so, the following May, Logue spent VE Day at Buckingham Palace. As the royal couple stepped out onto the balcony to address the crowds, he was struck by the way the lights played on the Queen's tiara. When she turned, smiling, to wave to the crowd, he noted how they created what looked like a band of flame around her head.

But he barely saw her again. As both Logue's and George's health failed, they had little contact, and on February 6,1952, the King died, aged just 56.

T The King's Speech opens in cinemas on January 7.

The book, The King's Speech: How One Man Saved the British Monarchy (El 2.99),

by Peter Con radi and Mark Logue, is available now

94

hree weeks later, Logue wrote to the King's widow, who, at 51, had begun what was to be

more than a half a century as the Queen Mother.

"Since 1926, [your husband] honoured me by allowing me to help him with his speech, and no man ever worked as hard as he did and achieved such a grand result. He has often told me how much he has owed to you, and the excellent result could never have been achieved if it had not been for your help."

"I think that I know perhaps better than anyone just how much you helped the King," the Queen Mother wrote in reply. "Not only with his speech, but, through that, his whole life and outlook on life. I shall always be deeply grateful."

Logue died a year later, aged 73, and, despite her gratitude, the Queen Mother was reluctant in later life to be reminded of her husband's struggle with his speech or, by association, the man who helped him.

When David Seidler, who wrote the screenplay for The King's Speech, first approached Clarence House in the early 1980s with a request to see Logue's diary, her message came back loud and clear: "Please, Mr Seidler, not during my lifetime. The memory of these events is too painful."

Seidler obliged—and so it is only now, 30 years later, that one of the more surprising stories in royal history can finally be told. ■ READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Gifts in Wills come in all shapes and sizes From adorable, mischievous little puppy to trustworthy companion for a blind or partially sighted person, it takes a lot of time and hard work to raise and train a guide dog. That's why we're incredibly grateful to anyone who makes a gift to us in their Will - however big or small. Gifts like these pay for two out of every three guide dogs, allowing us to feed, train and look after these amazing animals from the moment they are born.

To find out how even the smallest gift can make a life-changing difference, call Joette Emerton on 0845 603 1477, send back the form or email giftsinwills@guidedogs.org.uk

Please send me more information including a free DVD - about leaving a gift to Guide Dogs in my Will Title

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A company limited by guarantee registered in England and Wales (291646) and a charity registered In England and Wales (209617) and Scotland (SC038979).

>>Opinion

UNEMPLOYMENT

Can there ever be any upsides to finding yourself jobless? Redundant finance worker Andrew Douglas says there are plenty I may be poor, but my life is rich. Richer

BE A DISASTER PHOTOGRAPHED BY MURDO MACLEOD

than it was when I stepped out into the world from a top English public school, arrogantly thinking I'd have a career for life like my father. Richer than it was when I worked in financial services— and thought about money in a very different way.

Last week, for example, I worked a full-time job, went to an open-air gig, saw a film at the cinema, ate out, had a few drinks, smoked like a chimney, travelled, attended a course, got a new book, CD, DVD and glossy magazine and did a weekly food shop. Nothing special, maybe, but I'm unemployed, with a weekly income of £65.45.

People think unemployment is all about desperation and misery. It needn't be. Admittedly, I'm very lucky to be living rent-free in an Edinburgh flat that's been in the family for years.

My circumstances are also lucky—as a 37-year-old bachelor without dependents. Nonetheless, cutting back on expenses needn't be too limiting. In the READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

unfortunate event of unemployment a whole new world can open up to you.

Last week, I still had money left for bills—because, apart from the food, booze and fags, everything else I mentioned there was free. My local pub has a large beer garden with an outdoor stage. I'm a member of my local library.

My best presents last year were a year's magazine subscription and a year's membership to my favourite cinema— and my travel expenses are paid for by the private company contracted by the Government to help me find work. The full-time job is a voluntary one in a charity bookshop.

Unemployment offers many challenges

on all levels—financial, emotional, spiritual, the whole gamut. What the hell am I going to do now? is the main question I pose myself each day. I was made redundant in July 2008, and the first emotion you have to get used to is guilt: at having lost your job, at having no income of your own, at not going to work in the morning like everyone else.

My father once confessed that he'd experienced a similar sense of guilt when he began his retirement.

The job of seeking a new job is priority number one—but as with any job where you achieve little progress because your employers generally don't listen, my interest in it sometimes wanes. I then have to think of something—anything—else to do that will allow me to de-stress and to take time away from it all. I call these things my holidays and mini-breaks.

Bargain-hunting has now become a 98

fun hobby, and even a trip to the supermarket is a little holiday. Finding a pair of good-quality trousers for £15 from M&S is Christmas Day. Spotting 200g of fresh Norwegian smoked salmon for £2.79 in Lidl is a pleasurepark thrill-ride. Rediscovering frozen fish fingers and ice lollies in Iceland is a nostalgia trip. Noticing that Angel Delight still exists is even better...

As for the library, that's a far-flung beach on an exotic island, where the equivalent of keeping in touch with the outside world using an iPhone or a BlackBerry is a leisurely scan of the newspapers' business pages and vacancies sections. And all on a comfy lounge chair, in a pleasingly warm climate (which also saves on personal heating bills in the winter months).

Meeting people from all walks of life on the courses I have to attend as a condition of receiving benefit is like a holiday, too. People I'd never have given the time of day to have become my colleagues, sometimes even friends to go on an actual holiday with.

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Writing emails or messaging friends on networking sites—even writing articles like this one—are somewhat new holidays: interests or skills that may offer a new opportunity in future.

Finally, working for free allows you to believe you're vaguely "normal" again, but with the pleasure now stemming from doing it because you want to, not because you have to. It also helps with time-keeping. Like a premature geriatric, I often forget what day it is. When you're unemployed, to quote Morrissey, "every day is like Sunday".

Maybe I've become a nicer or more

SnapSchott

understanding person as a result of my experience, too. The jury may be out on that one—I still have my grumpy days—but I'm glad that I've at least been able to give some testimony about the case for unemployment as well as the case against. As with anything in life, it's what you make it. ■ >> Do you agree with what Andrew says?

Are there any upsides to unemployment?

Tell us your personal experiences by emailing readersletters@readersdigest. co.uk, or join the debate on our website at readersdigest.co.uk/unemployment.

Taxing Times

by Ben Schott

Below are the projected sums of income tax payable, by income bracket, for the 2010/11 tax year. The average tax paid is £5,220 - or 18.3% of total income.

Annual income (£) 6,475-7,499 7,500-9,999 10,000-14,999 15,000-19,999 20,000-29,999 30,000-49,999 50,000-99,999 100,000-149,999 150,000-199,000 200,000-499,999 500,000-999,999 1,000,000+ All incomes

Number of taxpayers 939,000 2,620,000 6,440,000 5,210,000 6,910,000 5,680,000 2,050,000 342,000 145,000 143,000 26,000 13,000 30,500,000

Average rate of tax (%) 13 4.3 7.7 11.3 13.7 15.4 22.3 29.8 33.1 37.8 41.4 44.4 18.3

Average tax paid (£) 91 382 956 1,960 3,350 5,800 14,600 35,700 55,900 109,000 281,000 1,010,000 5,220

Ben Schott is author of Schods Almanac • [Source: Social Trends 41] readersdigest.co.uk

99

Could you write a gripping Go on—have a go over and you could win a your story

tale using just 100 words? the Christmas holidays, cash prize and have published in RD!

WORD STORY This isyour last chance to enter ourfantastic ioo-word story competition, launched in the October issue. It's open both to adults and to schools, so everyone has the chance to win. Haven't got around to it yet? Here's a quick recap.

Entries for all categories should be sent to theeditor @readersdigest.co.uk or submitted at readersdigest. co.uk/100word story* byJanuary 31. The story in the adult category voted best by our panel of judges will win the author £5,000. Two runners-up will receive £100 in book tokens—and all three tales will be published in Reader's Digest.

In the schools categories, the prize is £1,000-worth of high-street vouchers of their choice for the winner in each category, and £1,000 for their school. Mark each entry "Schools: 11-year-old category" or "Schools: 12-to-18-year-old category", as appropriate.

To help inspire you to get started, read how Lynda La Plante and Giles Foden rose to the challenge...

an

*For full terms and conditions, go to readersdigest.co.uk/100wordstory

a

LYNDA LA PLANTE The two barrel-chested oak trees shadowed

the mossy garden. A swing hung from thick branches and sitting on it, bathed in sunlight, was a woman singing softly to herself. She wore a wide sunhat and a long white dress. The front door was open. I had presumed the estate agent was inside. I coughed, to indicate I was there.

"You have a wonderful garden, everything so alive." I said.

"Yes, everything but me."

She faded into darkness. The garden became a dank tangle of overgrown terrible strangled weeds. I was too frightened to stay. The woman in white was me.

SUTTON- H

ISTOCK.C OM

■ Linda La Plante's new drama Above Suspicion: Deadly Intent will air on ITVi thisyear

GILES FODEN The mechanic was losing patience. Old, but it ran well.

"I'm so sorry." As she spoke, one hand fingered a pearl necklace. The other supported the weight of a crocodile-skin handbag.

"Right, Mrs Atkins," he said, wiping his hands. "I'll come, but this is the last time."

He wondered...surely not. "Look—why don't you get in, instead of me. I'll see if you're doing anything wrong."

"I know how to drive."

Seated, she pulled out the choke.

"Do you—always do that?" he said, afterwards.

"Oh yes. I thought it was to hang your bag on."

■ Giles Foden is the author of The Last King of Scotland. His most recent novel Turbulence is published by Faber at £7.99

readersdigest.co.uk

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in the north-western Lake District. It's a wonderful place, but on that winter afternoon in 1991, unease was taking the edge off my enjoyment.

I was a novice, you see, and had bitten off more mountain than I could chew.

Having got a couple of smaller hills under my belt, and loving the atmosphere of the high places, I'd volunteered to lead a group of friends—skinny, plump, couples, kids, dogs—up their

marks and unmistakable paths, there was now a silent, disorientating world of grey rock and vertiginous drops.

"Are we going to be all right getting back down?" asked one friend, with a slight tremble in her voice. By her side, a child looked up with a vulnerable, worried face from within the hood of her anorak.

Luckily, I had a copy of Alfred Wainwright's A Pictorial Guide to the Lakeland Fells: Book Six with me and turned to the section on descents from our current position. "The best advice I can give to a novice fell walker lost in mist on Haystacks," it read, "is to kneel down and pray for deliverance."

"Oh, we'll be fine," I said hoarsely, and took out my compass with a shaking hand.

And we were. Wainwright had, of course, gone on to offer more practical advice, and we'd clambered down to Buttermere, glowing with satisfaction.

Since then, I've had many more occasions to thank AW (as everyone knows him) for sound advice in tight corners; for illuminating titbits on flora, fauna and fell; and for inspiration and consolation. He died 20 years ago this month, aged 84, but the seven volumes of A Pictorial Guide, published between READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

O PE NING SPREAD: B OB ATKINS/ COU NTRY WALKING; LEFT: DERRY BRAB BS

o there I was, on the first fell. We were well shod, cagouled, jagged, awkward, buttied and flasked, and I had a lamithoroughly deli- nated map. But, as we reached the sumcious top of Hay- mit, a thick shroud of hill fog came stacks, a mountain down. Where once there had been land-

DERRY BRABBS/ALAMY

Tools of his trade: Wainwright's pen, ink, camera and pipe in Kendal Museum; (bottom left) the man himself

1955 and 1966, remain for me, and for many others, one of the great works of English literature.

They have sold more than two million copies, and to call them guidebooks is to misunderstand their true worth.

Yes, they are invaluable detailed walking companions. But no one has written more beautifully, or evoked the fells' spirit more intensely: not Wordsworth or Coleridge; not Beatrix Potter or Arthur Ransome. "Surely there is no other place in this whole wonderful world quite like Lakeland," AW writes in Book One. "No other so exquisitely lovely, no other so charming, no other that calls so insistently across a gulf readersdigest.co.uk

of distance. All who truly love Lakeland are exiles when away from it."

The books are, as AW put it, "a love letter" to the fells.

They reveal not just Cumbria's inner landscape, but also that of the author—often characterised as a classic "grumpy old man", but far more complex than that.

Wainwright grew up in Blackburn. Although he remained a Rovers fan for life, he bore the town little affection. On a trip as a young man to Orrest Head, near Windermere, he experienced an epiphany: the sudden exquisite rush of reaching even this small summit and seeing a new world that those imprisoned below in car and on pavement would never know.

The Lakes became the Holy Grail for AW. He took a job as borough treasurer of Kendal to be near them. And in 1952, he began work on the guides that would help thousands of others to experience his obsession.

The hills bring out the best in people—up there, where you can get things in perspective.

No one will cut you up or not let you in. If you allow someone to overtake you on Striding Edge on Helvellyn, or to come through as you descend Langdale's Rossett Gill, they will thank ► 105

On the hills, people will stop and ask vvhere you've been, where you're going. They'll pat your dog, offer it a bit of pork pie—offer you a bit of pork pie, if you're lucky

40:

Haystacks 5

his occasional vagueness, his blithe disregard for private land via SCAR.TH GAP and bad-tempered farmers cons.ruct.cd ,poth 11.9 Stack ("That bloody Wainwright's not very popular round here," one churl told me when I tried to follow AW's route across his pasture) and his infuriating self-righteousness ("All fellwalking accidents are the result of carelessness," he once deKnott Scarth Cap is one of clared, which must be scant Knott the pleasantest of the W*- 11 is a test .of foot-passes. Apart from • consolation if you're blown off the steep section above the tgla !,.". rul old sheepfold. the gradients • halting several an arete by a sudden gust). are gentle and the views trorsrd=wart.

36 Are both ahead and the path. full of interest. The path His opinions—some of which isgenerally good, and the roughness formerly are expressed in the Pictorial encountered on the S., A. early stages of the n w.rrsse.1,4 route climb is buried Guide and his 40-odd other tO make ar underneath a new conifer the ascent works, including the celebrated plantation.

Ha stacks via tis A Coast to Coast Walk—often isP: pSrfslude rof moo aK merit and_beauty to he o mountain walk of seem odious and prehistoric.

Enntn uiq post uraque character.

7°. the whole distance He thought criminals should be being no more than ive miltsG.atesernth "birched until they scream for 'however, fora fine clear day. mercy". He called for the castra/00A,:n5i souut tion of football hooligans. In his BuEtcrmere early work of 1938, A Pennine Journey, he expresses a sneaking you properly, full-bloodedly, not with (and not untypical for the time) admithat haughty raised finger that passes ration for Hitler and some very backfor politeness amongst motorists. They ward views on women. He was callous will stop and ask where you've been, towards his first wife and son. where you're going. They'll pat your And yet the love letters he wrote to dog, offer it a bit of pork pie—offer you his second wife Betty are achingly a bit of pork pie, if you're lucky. And lovely. She was his soulmate and in Wainwright's books, entirely handwrit- some ways his saviour, his other beloved ten, drawn in his unique style and full alongside his precious Lakes. of encouraging words for walkers, help He eschewed all honours, even after to set the tone. a man had collected signatures for a But AW gave real meaning to the whole day on top of Great Gable to cliche "a mass of contradictions". For petition for a gong for him. He's said all the times he's helped me to have tracked down, bought and deon the hills, I've cursed him, too, for stroyed the millionth copy of the guides ■ ASCENT' FROM GATESGAR,T1-1 /550 feet of ascent miles HAYSTACKS

From Scarth Cap a well;carts up to the SUM., L. tart:era/No all scree. though In places it Is necessary to handle rock.

■

behind

.50, /t /t,

BOB ATKINS/ COUNTRY WALKING

f

ESTATE OF A WAINWRIGHT/FRANCES LINCOLN

107

to avoid having dinner with the purchaser, an offer dreamed up by his publisher. He agreed to be on Desert Island Discs only if the show was recorded in Manchester, if he could have fish and chips afterwards and because Sue Lawley had nice legs.

He identified 214 different and separate fells, and climbing all of them is now a goal that many walkers aspire to. My first was, I imagine, many people's: Loughrigg Fell above Grasmere. Like generations of rookie fell walkers, I set out from White Moss Common. That way you can take in one of the area's best-loved landmarks: the Luchini's ice-cream van. Then, through the wood and on to Loughrigg Terrace, the nearest fell walking has to Blackpool's Golden Mile and one of the few 108

bits of Lakeland where you're as likely to see stilettos and gold lame clutch bags as GoreTex and Brasher boots.

Dalesman magazine says of Loughrigg that "it is easy to get lost among the knolls and little tarns". Well, possibly—if you're the kind of person who can get lost in the cold-meats section of Tesco. I just stood open-mouthed before the vista of Grasmere and Rydal, the Fairfield Horseshoe—behind us two stretches of Windermere and a bit of Elterwater. And it all looked just like AW had drawn it in his book.

This was a revelation. He'd actually been here and actually drawn these hills. His illustration was so perfect and detailed I was almost surprised he hadn't included the fellow having his banana sandwich by the trig point.

Last year, hundreds of fine, wild, READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

ANDREWPAGE/ALAMY

Alfred Wainwright% fliidlretting place, "tf*Acinely, magical Innominate Tarn"

where I led that worried group the same year. Innominate is a beautiful name meaning "nameless". After AW's death, a brief, well-intentioned but utterly misguided campaign sought to have it renamed Wainwright Tarn. Betty very quickly put a stop to that. AW would have hated it—as would anyone, surely, with an ear for loveliness.

Despite all his idiosyncrasies, I think Wainwright was a great man. A very

terrifying, funny, scorching, snowy, blissful, unforgettable days in Lakeland later, I notched up my 214th and final hill: Kirk Fell—a forbidding hulk in the remote and sombre valley of Wasdalethus joining a band of, it's thought, about 500. My wife gave me a Wainwright first edition, and we ate fish and chips, drank champagne and toasted the great man.

They scattered his ashes by his favourite spot, the lonely, magical Innominate Tarn on top of Haystacks,

different man from me, and from a very different generation—but, through his writings, he's become a guide, a teacher and a friend.

"The fleeting hour of life of those who love the hills is quickly spent, but the hills are eternal," Book Seven concludes. "Always there will be the lonely ridge, the dancing beck, the silent forest; always there will be the exhilaration of the summits. These are for the seeking, and those who seek and find while there is yet time will be blessed both in mind and body."

There is time yet. So get a copy of a Wainwright and get up there. And, as the great man said, 'Watch where you're putting your feet." ■ >> For a Book Club review of Stuart's Pies and Prejudice, see p179.

If you're now inspired to walk the fells, why not get the new iPhone app from Reader's Digest to go with your Wainwright? Based on our wonderful Most Amazing Walks book, it gives you real-time directions for 200 walks all over the UK and Ireland. The app includes a compass and you can choose walks by difficulty or time. It's available now from the iPhone app store.

109

Lenny on his musical Henry hero, his mum's alcoholic fruitcake and the anarchic fun of Tiswas

I Remember. ...being a very happy child— most of the time. My mum and

dad emigrated from Jamaica and I grew up in Dudley, West Midlands. They were very strict, particularly my mother.

She once threw a chair at me; another time she hit me in the face with a pan. At the end of her life I asked her why she hit us so much, but she'd erased it from her memory—"I never did that." She was really funny and I adored her. ...the park over the road from our house. We were a working-

class family and couldn't afford holidays, but that park had everything: tennis, girls, the whiff of alcohol and the opportunity to torment old people. The pensioners used to sit on the benches and we'd make our goal right in the middle of them. Our football became a form of ten-pin 110

bowling as we knocked old people off their seats. We thought it was hilarious. ...my best friend Greg and his dog Butch. We met in the park

and we're still mates. It was tough being a black kid in England then. My parents came to this country when there were still signs that said "No Blacks, No Irish, No Dogs". There were only three black kids in my school and I was called names all the time.

But as I left the house every day my mum would tell me, "Make sure you talk like them.

Mix in!" ...my dad coming home from the foundry where he worked,

covered in soot. He'd have a bath and when he got out it was like he'd left a bouillabaisse in there. He was a dour, stoic man. He died when I was 19 BRIAN MOODY/SCOPE FEATURES

Lenny with his mum and the rest of the Henry clan outside their home in Dudley, West Midlands, in 1975 (which explains the fashion sense)

111

and it was confusing because, in the last days of his life, he talked more than he had all my childhood.

I was used to him saying, "Turn the TV off," or "Leave your sister alone," or "Pick that up and put it in the bin." I felt I hadn't had enough of my dad when he passed away and I was jealous of my older siblings' grief and their ability to cry for him.

chat and look at old photos and try to keep her memory alive. ...being enchanted by Mike Yarwood's impressions. They were magic. He is

the reason I'm a character comedian.

I also loved Dick Emery and the Morecambe and Wise Christmas specials. We'd all watch them together, our huge Caribbean family laughing at Eric and Ernie.

...we had no money, but my mum

...my mum was sick for seven years

before she died in 1998. It was a very bad time; she was the centre of my world, my bedrock, my touchstone, and when she passed away it felt like a part of me died, too. I had to go to grief counselling for many years.

When my siblings and I meet up, we

'"IT ALL

...going clubbing with my friends.

On Sunday nights we'd go to a place called The Queen Mary. The DJ, Oscar Michael, would encourage people to go on stage. My mates kept saying, "You should go up there," because they knew I could do impressions. I did a decent imitation of Elvis and knew the words of "Jailhouse Rock". The audience gave me such a round of applause I had to do it all over again.

I won a bottle of cheap whisky and we all drank it—it was horrible. ...being invited to audition for the

talent show New Faces. It was The X Factor of its day. Oscar Michael had

ARTED WITH AN ELVIS IMPRESSION" NEW FACES

1975 It was The X Factor of its day.

I won it and left school. I was --- only 16"

THE FOSTERS "I got the lead part in this sitcom in 1976 and moved to London. My mum worried about me"

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

ITV/ REX FEATUR ES (3)

could feed 14 people with a few shillings. She always seemed to have more food left over than when she started; her pot of food was like the Tardis. When I had red pea soup in a Caribbean restaurant in London the other day, I burst into tears because it reminded me of my mum.

written to them about me. In the -badly he'd chase me around the park lead-up to that audition I worked on with a cricket bat. He got hold of me my material so hard that I knew exactly and shouted to everyone around, what did or didn't make an audience "Lenny Henry is my friend! Anybody laugh. I won New Faces, left school mess with my friend and I'll kill and Michael became my manager. them!" If I'd known I'd get that I was 16. reaction, I might have tried to get on TV a lot earlier.

NILSJOR GE NSEN/ REX FEATURES

...my mum's legendary

airoholic frilitopkes

...things changed for me very quickly.

She gave one to Chris Tarrant every Christmas.

One year he was pulled over by the police for weaving all over the road.

He said, "I haven't been drinking, but I've got Lenny Henry's mum's cake on the back seat." The policeman leaned into the car and the smell of rum nearly overpowered him

I practically made skid marks leaving Dudley and moving to London.

I got a lead part in a sitcom called The Fosters, lived with another actor in the show and slept on a bed under his stairs. My mum worried about me, but she knew it was what I wanted. But if my daughter Billie had come to me aged 16 and asked to leave home to perform, I wouldn't have let her.

...going past the chip shop in Dudley after I'd won New Faces. I passed

Donny, a kid who used to bully me so

TISWAS 1978 With Bob Carolgees and (centre) host Chris Tarrant.

"They were heady days"

readersdigest.co.uk

...touring with The Black and White Minstrel Show and, although in

retrospect I regret my involvement, at the time it was a good experience.

We played practically every theatre and clubroom in Britain. There was racism, but it was jokey and

COMIC RELIEF "It's been a huge part of my life.

When we started we made £100,000.

In 2009 it was £80 million" 113

embarrassing—"Lenny Henry is the only one who doesn't have to take his make-up off." ...lugging my 200-strong record collection, record player and

...heady times—Tiswas, Three of

a Kind and, soon after, The Lenny Henry Show. Our very first series was nominated for a Bafta and that was amazing. And in 1984 I married Dawn—it was wonderful. We had very happy times and she was a brilliant mentor and confidante.

Breaking up was difficult, but neither of us wanted it to be acrimonious.

She's still my best friend; she knows me better than anyone else in the world. ...being involved in the first Comic Relief fund-raising event. It was one

evening in a theatre in London and all these great comics were involved.

We raised £100,000. In 2009 Comic Relief raised £80 million. It's been a huge part of my life—and the best thing I've done.

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hi Receiving the CBE at Buckingham Palace with Dawn French.

"She knows me better than anyone"

...going to Ethiopia after the famine.

I met an old guy there whose children and grandchildren had all died. He was left as the only father figure to his great-grandchildren. He said to me, "If you guys in Britain ever get into any trouble, just let us know and we'll come and help you." It was very humbling. Victims of famine rarely need handouts but they do need a chance to help themselves.

...Living in the biggest slum in Africa for part of Comic Relief. No sanitation, water or sewerage. It was awful.

I was only there for four days, but it felt like a year READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

FEATU RES

speakers with me everywhere I went.

Music has always been such an important part of my life. Stevie Wonder is my hero. When I bought Songs in the Key of Life I didn't take it out of its wrapper for two weeks but carried it around under my arm hoping people would ask what it was—"Don't you know? It's a seminal album." A lot of my new show is about wanting to be a musician, but not having the tenacity to stick at it.

...going to Hollywood in the early Nineties and thinking I was going to

...it was lovely being part of a theatre company. I've never had a comedy

be an international star. But when I arrived to make True Identity the script had been changed about nine times. It was hugely stressful. ...thinking, IfI had the courage would walk away from this. But I

partner to work with in the way Dawn had Jennifer [Saunders] and being a comedian can be lonely. I think one of the reasons I've had a few missteps in my career is that I didn't have a professional partner saying, "That's no good, let's do something else."

didn't. When it was finished, I came back to Britain with my tail between my legs and had to start again.

...I had anxiety dreams for three months before Othello opened in

...working far too hard setting up my

own production company. We'd just adopted Billie and I went into major breadwinner mode, the alpha male ultra-responsible guy. Dawn had given up work to be with our daughter and I should have gone home a lot earlier every night. ...coming to Shakespeare late in life.

Having left school so early I'd never really understood the plays. I did a Radio 4 show called Lenny and Will in 2006 and my passion for the Bard blossomed. I thought, Could I do this? So when I was offered the part of Othello at the West Yorkshire Playhouse the boards beckoned...

February 2009. I dreamed I walked on stage naked, opened my mouth and only birdsong came out, or worse, my Tommy Cooper impression. I was really nervous every single night. ...being relieved the reviews were so generous. I think if you put all your

energy and focus into one thing at a time, then you stand a good chance of succeeding, and if you don't, at least you tried your best. ■ As told to Caroline Hutton » Lenny's stand-up tour Cradle to Rave runs from January 26-May15, 2011, at venues all over the UK. Go to readersdigest.co.uk/links for more details.

M AS KEEN AS CUSTARD We've all heard people mixing a metaphor or mangling a proverb, but reader Austin Stack from Honiton, Devon, has made a point of writing down all the howlers he's come across over the years, including: "The grass tastes greener elsewhere."

"Don't cut your nose off to spoil your face."

"Between you, me and the grapevine..."

"I like listening to her Dorset tones." readersdigest.co.uk

"It's like winning a losing baffie."

"We're walking round Like Lost fish."

"That aspires confidence."

"It was completely obliverated."

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RD

VE POLL

How mean 4.411 11160

Has the economic downturn made us more —or less—mean?

Our poll reveals the truth about the nation's stinginess status

By Simon Hemelryk

116

I

t's true that one man's meanness may well be another's sensible attitude to money, but our nationwide poll suggests that, overall, we are a country dangerously close to stingy status—and we can't just blame it all on the credit crunch.

For example, a whopping six in ten of our 1,400 poll respondents think Britons are meaner than ever before— with a third scoring their own generosity as five or less out of ten. And along with those findings come numerous tales of (possibly) crunch-inspired tight-fistedness.

One London woman—who, like most people telling tales of stinginess, prefers to remain anonymous—reveals how her "recession aware" boss orders wine at business meals, but expects his staff to pay for it, whether they drink it or not.

Another Londoner tells of how her neighbour has taken to creeping around her house in the dark to save electricity, while a respondent in the 18-24 age group admits to sleeping on her kitchen floor for an entire week to save on her heating costs.

But our survey reveals that, although half those polled say the increased cost of living is a factor, the reasons for Britain's stinginess go far beyond the current financial uncertainty. What's more, the most miserly age-group is the under-30s.

Fewer than four in ten of this group donate to charity once a month or more (compared with an overall average of almost 50%) and more than one in ten under-30s admit to never, ever leaving ► a tip in restaurants.

ILLUSTRATED BY MIGY BLANCO

■

••

SOY AMRc

"I have a millionaire friend who stitches tea bags down the middle and cuts them in half to make two cups from each bag" Patricia from Broadstairs, Kent "My motherin-law 'saves energy' by taking the batteries out of her alarm clock each morning then putting them back at night and resetting the time" Dugald, forklift truck driver, Corby

118

Many poll respondents see this as evidence of a long-term trend towards a meaner population. "I remember as a child we used to share our toys with our friends," says 49-year-old Andrew Carrington, an assistant finance director from Grimsby. "I don't see that happening at my son's school. The sense of community that older generations grew up with isn't here so much now People are increasingly inward-looking today, so they keep themselves—and their possessions— to themselves."

John Hood, a retired local authority debt officer, agrees, but feels that politicians and the media haven't helped the situation. "They set people against each other by making sweeping statements such as, All unemployed people are lazy' " said the 69-year-old from Pontefract, West Yorkshire. "It makes groups less willing to help each other out."

While many poll participants still regularly donate to charity, 17% do so less than once a year— or not at all. And six in ten admit to lying to street collectors about having no change. Constant charity appeals are a major factor here, with 25% of poll respondents saying that they make people mean by exhausting them.

"I'm getting to the stage where I'm sick of the number of begging envelopes coming through my door," says former chef Tony Aylen, 64, from Bromborough, Merseyside. "You can't give to everyone, but you start to think, Am I the only one?"

Environmental concerns seem to have inspired frugal

behaviour in many poll participants. Some measures— such as flushing the toilet only when necessary, or using washing-up water on the garden—appear sensible. But it seems "going green" and "recycling" may just be another excuse for others to exercise their penny-pinching side. Estate agent Rachelle, 40, from Cambridge, has a brother—known to charge READER'S DIGEST JANUARY '11

, 1111111 interest if he lends you money— England says her parents-in-law scour who even reuses his dental floss. "He beaches for old wood and milk crates washes it and hangs it on the towel rail to use as storage—even though they to dry. Gross!" smell awful—and use an old frying pan Michaela, 36, a legal secretary they found dumped in a field. from Liverpool, has a father who's almost as bad. "Dad But our survey did paint a always asks me for birthmore positive picture day cards back and of some. Received pretends to recycle wisdom has it that of those polled say them," she says. 'And Scots and Londoners Britons are being the very same cards are among Britain's frugal "because the turn up in the post the meanest groups. In Government told them following year." fact, along with those to be". Only 4% blame One 50-something from south-west Engjob insecurity respondent describes land, our survey suggests how her friend picked up they are among the most an old tomato-sauce sachet generous. Those from the from the street and used it that capital and north of the border come evening on her chips. Meanwhile, a joint top when it comes to giving to woman in her forties from south-east charity (more than once a month) and ►

8%

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119

in developmental psychology at the University of Hertfordshire, some people just get into a negative mind trap occasions", compared with the 73% national average). Indeed, though there with money that could be the product is the odd Scrooge-like tendency in of growing up poor, say, or an experisome areas-21% of people from north- ence with bankruptcy. "People can be west England donate to charity less than brought up with phrases bandied about once a year—what becomes apparent in their family, such as, 'Money doesn't grow on trees'," she says. "Even if is that no one region is particularly those children grow up to be mean. very wealthy adults, their This surprised many upbringing can be so people, especially from powerful they never northern England, who feel able to spend very assumed their regional of people avoid buying much of the money brethren would be their fair share of drinks they've earned." much more generous than residents of in the pub, though only Amina Basheer, a the south-east. Leslie 1% make their excuses 66-year-old retired Scott, a 56-year-old and leave before it's teacher from north Lonpostman from Halifax, their round don, was on the receiving West Yorkshire, reckons end of skinflint behaviour. that the results show "the "Rather than putting a pound into north-south divide is just a state of mind. Your local community might a supermarket trolley to release it from affect how open and generous you are, the rack, I gave my coin to a man in a but it doesn't really matter where that designer suit who was returning his trolley," she says. "He grabbed the community is." money and ran off to his 4x4. When I Poll respondents are full of anecdotes returned the trolley later, I realised the about those with cash to splash being slot for the coin was broken and there stingy. "My grandma's sister won more was no money in it. How could anyone than a million pounds on the National behave this way for just a pound?"

According to Simonne Gnessen, who Lottery," says one woman from the Midlands. "But when she takes her runs Wise Monkey Financial Coaching, grandchildren to the cinema she still "The issue here is not the money but buys their sweets and drinks before- the deceit. Some people feel the urge to 'get one over' on others no matter hand from Lidl."

But why on earth do people behave how small the amount."

But surprisingly, our survey exploded this way, even if they have a huge stash lying in their current account? Accord- the myth that the well-off are meaner ing to Professor Karen Pine, an expert than the poor. People earning more than Londoners are comfortably the most regular tippers (83% do so "on most

40%

120

Skinflint or Frugal?

Visitors to readersdigest.co.uk gave their verdict on the following real-life examples of financial "prudence" My friend Charlotte is an accountant's daughter.

She writes down the tiniest outgoing every day, even if she's just buying a magazine. Recently, when we went for a joint meal with our partners, she worked out the precise cost of what they had eaten and drunk, so that she and her partner could pay their fair share of the bill. Down to the last two pence.

The price ticket he left on the wrapping paper said "Reduced. Past sell-by date."

You Said: Skinflint 59% Frugal 41%

You Said: Skinflint 69%

Frugal 31% It was such a nice surprise to receive a bunch of flowers from my partner on my birthday. Then I noticed something.

and counted exactly how many sheets each roll had to work out which brand of roll would be the most economical to buy in the future.

You Said: Skinflint 52% Frugal 48%

You Said: Skinflint 63% Frugal 37% I know a couple who, when they stay in a hotel, will eat a full English breakfast with all the trimmings because they have paid for it, even though it makes them feel ill.

My student housemate bought four different types of toilet paper

I gave myyounger brother £1.29 to treat himself to a bottle of lemonade. He came back empty handed.

It turned out the lemonade cost £1.30. My brother wasn't prepared to spend "any of his own money" and wasn't sure if I'd reimburse him the extra penny.

You Said: Skinflint 85 % Frugal 15%

My grandmother gave my aunt a flannel, soap and shower-gel set for Christmas. The next year, my aunt gave Granny the very same set back as her present—but minus the soap and shower gel.

You Said: Skinflint 93% Frugal 7% My husband filmed the man who cleaned our boiler so he could do it himself the followingyear by consulting his very own DIY video.

You Said:

Frugal 79% Skinflint 21%

OPINION MATTERS LTD SURVEYED A NATIONALLY REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLE OF 1,392 ADULTS ONLINE BETWEEN OCTOBER 28 AND NOVEMBER 3, 2010

121

"My brother-inlaw insists on drinking outside when we visit coffee bars, even when it's freezing, just because takeaways are cheaper" Geoff from Nazeing, Essex One respondent in her thirties told of how, when she gave birth to her first child, all the other mothers on her ward received a bunch of flowers. Her husband brought her a bottle of Lucozade. Which he drank

£30,000 give most frequently to charity, are the most frequent tippers, and 86% of those on more than £40,000 would be quite or very likely to pay for a poorer friend's meat at a restaurant, compared to the national average of 73%.

Of course, the more money you have, the less of a dent it makes to part with it. But, says Chris Michael, 36, an IT worker from Chertsey in Surrey, "I think some people are just generous and if they happen to have money they'll spread it around."

Men come out only marginally more mean than women

in our survey, but our readers and poll respondents do report that men's dealings with the opposite sex bring out some spectacular moments of tightfistedness. One Scottish man had a friend who would immediately take his girlfriend home if anyone suggested going for a meal so he didn't have to pay for 122

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

her. "A man I was seeing once refused than buy a new set, he positions them to put 50p in a parking meter so he next to each other and combines the could see me off from the station," said two." How do you explain that? "It's a female respondent from the Midlands. definitely unhealthy to be mean with "I cried all the way home." yourself," says Professor Pine.

Retired air hostess Carol "It smacks of low selfButler, 63, from Bolton esteem and alienates can easily top that. "I others around you." once had a date with a But there is some of people say Britons man called Dave who hope for Britain's have become meaner talked about himself meanies, says Pine— because if the bankers throughout the meal," if they have someone who ruined the she recalls. "He split to talk them out of it. economy won't pay the bill with me, then "Many of these people their way, why I saw him pull out a twofeel that they have less should they? for-one voucher at the money than they actually front desk, so in effect I paid do. If you can sit down and for the entire dinner!" Needless show them the hard figures they to say, that signalled the end of a beau- can sometimes feel a little more secure tiful friendship. and may feel it's possible to spend every now and again without it breaking the But whether there's a credit crunch bank." So you may not end up buying or not, some people, you suspect, just their round after all. relish being tight. One female poll Additional reporting by Ellie Rose participant has parents-in-law who and Nick Morgan charge her to stay with them. Another woman in the east of England ONLY A STEP AWAY... drives miles out of her way to pick up a disabled lady who attends her evening class—just to get free parking.

And the father of a forty-something woman regularly rings her to see she's OK, then swiftly puts the phone down so that she has to ring him back—at her expense.

Sometimes other people's stingy beMy husband and I came across this haviour just seems perplexing. "A friend sign while on a walking holiday in of mine has two TVs," says 22-yearNewquay, Cornwall. Our feet were old educational worker Arnie Yardley in good nick, but it was reassuring from Cambridge. "One has faulty sound to know that help was close by! and the other a faulty picture. Rather Submitted by Natalie Colgate, Epsom

14%

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THE WOMAN WHO WORKS MIRACLES

At 12 months, Beth* was a sick and distressed baby. Her muscles

were so stiff that she held her arms straight out in front of her.

She couldn't turn her head or control her tongue. "The doctors said there was little that could be done and Beth's chances of improving were minimal at best," says Jane, her mother.

Beth is just one of around 1,800 children born with cerebral palsy every year. Brain damage at the ►

By Jerome Burne 124

*NAME CHANGED TO PROTECT PRIVACY

P HO TOGRA PHEDBY STU A RT CONWAY

Linda Scotson is bringing renewed hope to children with cerebral palsy

Linda Scotson talks to five-year-old Tobias Weigand; (background) a special oxygen chamber shaped like Thomas the Tank Engine

time of birth, sometimes because of a lack of oxygen, makes their control of movement and muscles difficult and erratic. It's more common than any other developmental disorder and many of these children die young because their poor muscle control has an effect on their breathing in particular, making them prone to respiratory infections such as pneumonia.

It's thought that they're unlikely to

much happier. She's developed good control of her head and she can bend and raise her arms, and open her hands.

She can also stand. Her school was amazed that she could eat solid food and drink from an ordinary cup."

What's more, Jane has no doubt that Beth's improvement is due to the approach developed by one determined mother, Linda Scotson.

Every day, parents arrive at

"I noticed the door of a spacious building hidden in a courtyard that the a stone's throw from the station in East Grinstead, West kids had Sussex. Hoping against hope unusual that something can be done for their kids, they come to chest the Advance Centre, which Scotson set up as a charity shapes— in 1996. too flat Most suffered brain damage at birth. Their bodies or too Linda's hand-drawn note are twisted; they may not be on how to administer t box-like" able to speak; they have fits; Scotson Technique they are incontinent; they get much better. "The important thing can't walk; many can't even crawl.

What happens during the next few is to stabilise the condition," says Dr Mando Watson, a paediatric consultant months would have been called a at St Mary's Hospital, Paddington, Lon- miracle in an earlier age: their limbs don, who specialises in treating these start to straighten; their fits decline or children. 'We try to control the seizures, stop; they begin to make eye contact. treat any chest infections and also treat Some start to form words. Drugs the disability—help them feed and make they've been taking since birth are no them comfortable, so they can live as longer needed. How? By linking two ancient healing methods—massage full a life as possible."

But is that really the whole story? and breathing techniques.

By this stage your sceptical antennae Fast forward two years and Beth's situation has changed radically. "She's are probably waving wildly. The person a different child," says Jane. "She's so behind this must be a dodgy faith healer 126

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Hyperbaric oxygen therapy, which supports the Scotson Technique by removing the build-up of toxins in the brain and body tissues exploiting vulnerable people. Unsurprisingly, many parents who find their way to the centre share these doubts. "Before we got there, we thought this couldn't be true," admits Jane.

Scotson makes the radical and controversial claim that it's possible to improve children's physical and mental functioning by gradually improving the way they breathe. The Scotson Technique involves a subtle form of massage designed to improve gradually the blood flow to the muscles used for breathing, which in turn widens out the chest and strengthens the trunk.

This allows the children to sit up, which improves blood flow to the brain.

A former lecturer in art and philosophy,

Scotson developed the technique to help treat her own son Doran, who was readersdigest.co.uk

born with cerebral palsy in 1978. "The doctors told me that Doran 'would never amount to much'," she says, "and suggested that I should put him in a home."

She declined, and instead began meeting other parents with brain-injured children. It was during trips to the swimming pool that she first picked up clues about the importance of breathing and the look of the ribcage in children with cerebral palsy.

"I noticed that the kids had unusual chest shapes—too flat or too box-like, and their breathing was usually too fast, shallow or laboured," she says. "I began to wonder if a lack of oxygen at birth wasn't their only problem. Perhaps their brains weren't getting enough to develop properly afterwards."

This makes sense, because children's brains are the most oxygen-hungry ► 127

Then and now: Linda's son Doran as a six-year-old child (left), when doctors said he "wouldn't amount to much"; (below) 26 years later, at an exhibition of his paintings

"The therapy was intensive, but the results were really dramatic. Two years later, Doran was two inches taller" organs—to function normally they need proportionally 50 per cent more oxygen

than an adult brain. "Neurologists used to think that you couldn't grow new brain cells," says Scotson, "but now we know that in the parts of the brain linked to learning and memory, new brain cells continue to grow throughout our adult lives."

Why weren't these children able to grow new brain cells to rewire the damaged pathways? The answer she came up with was that they weren't breathing properly, so their brains weren't getting the oxygen they needed.

It took 20 years for Scotson to develop her system of massage aimed at mirroring the pumping action of the 128

diaphragm and lungs that healthy kids do automatically. Her first patient was Doran, who was 24 by then.

"When I started, it seemed that the doctors' prediction about his future was coming true," she says. "He walked badly, he was stunted and his speech was incomprehensible; mentally and emotionally he was very immature. The therapy was intensive—two hours a day with short breaks, six days a week—but the results were dramatic. Two years later, Doran was two inches taller due to the improvement in blood supply to the connecting tissues between the spinal vertebrae, straightening his back.

His speech was comprehensible and he'd started acting thoughtfully.

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

"He seemed to be going through all the developmental stages he'd missed at once," claims Scotson. "The neighbours were amazed. You could see him becoming happy because he was able to do things for himself." Remarkably, Doran has since developed as an artist and last year sold seven of his paintings at his first exhibition in a local gallery.

In the summer, he ran a half marathon in just under three hours.

Over nearly ten years, several thousand

parents have come to Scotson's clinic and learned her technique. She teaches parents in an intensive three- to fiveday course—after which they return home and massage their child for a couple of hours a day. Several times a year they return for a check-up, and parents say they love being their own child's therapist.

But as cerebral palsy is traditionally viewed as a condition that can't be improved, only made more comfortable, such claims are controversial. Conventional experts demand scientific proof.

They point out that parents desperately look for any signs that their child is getting better and suggest that maybe it's just the extra attention the massage slikt provides that makes a difference.

Scotson has gone to great lengths to refute these objections. She persuaded a professor of physiology to track the changes in the children's chests over three years using a special camera, and showed that the shape of their ribcages had become closer to normal. She's also nearly completed a PhD thesis at University College London, setting out a detailed account of how her theory fits with what we know about muscle development, breathing and the brain.

"Human development is intimately intertwined with the act of breathing," she says. "It affects all areas of the brain and so influences the way we think and act. When a child's development falters, it's wisest to look for any weaknesses or abnormalities in the way they breathe.

If these can be smoothed away, health is more likely to be restored."

Parents whose children have benefited from this way of thinking just wish it could be more widely available. But, so far, the challenge of finding the funding for a proper trial that could make the experts sit up and take notice is the only one Scotson hasn't overcome. ■ >> To find out more about the Advance Centre and the Scotson Technique, go to readersdigest.co.uk/links.

rt

IFE IN THE QUITE SLOW LANE From Metro newspaper "Top-flight footballers may be used to attending restaurant and nightclub openings—but life in League 2 is a bit more bog-standard. Stockport County captain Paul Turnbull has officially unveiled a school toilet, where his name will feature on the wall alongside—aptly enough—Messi and Kaka."

Submitted by David Coshan, London W12 readersdigest.co.uk

129

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emember when a change was as good as a rest?

When life stayed pretty much the same, year in, year out? Back then, if you wanted to perk things up a bit, you'd just shift a few elements around— maybe have a break or take up a hobby. But these days it feels as if life is in a constant state of change, with very little staying as it was. The last thing you probably need now is yet more change.

What's more, because so many things are changing at the same time, they often combine in unexpected ways. Who'd have thought, for example, that steps taken ►

readersdigest.co.uk

131

by governments to promote home ownership, and businesses offering ways to make that affordable, would lead to financial meltdown, the credit crunch and the nationalisation of major banks?

Or that ash from an Icelandic volcano most of us had never heard of would cause the Europe-wide disruption to everything from food exports to taxi services?

Or that Apple, once just a computer manufacturer, would become a major player in the music business, mobile phones, and now e-readers—all in just a few years?

These are examples of what I call the Age of Discontinuity: when what happens next feels almost disconnected from what has gone before.

As a result, the future seems increasingly unpredictable. This can create problems for businesses—lost opportunities, misguided investments— which is why so many of them, big and small, are wrestling with the issues.

But how did we get to this point?

By the mid1980s, change had become something we knew how to do and did all the time 132

lower, simpler time. Business as mainly local, because life as local. Information-processing ools—from typewriters to adding machines—were mechanical. Record-keeping and ommunications were largely aper-based: letters, newspapers, memos, forms, files. It was a time when someone could have fallen asleep at their desk for two decades and woken up to find that the way business was done adn't changed much.

The Age of acceleration mid-80s - early 2000s

The Age of change mid-60s - early 1980s Somewhere around the mid-1960s, things shifted. Computers and photocopiers became widespread, making it faster, easier and cheaper to create, manipulate and communicate information. Business leaders had to deal with social change and shifting values. Japan, and other countries, started to make their presence felt in the global economy, not just as sources of raw materials and cheap labour butas competitors and innovators, too. At the same time—both driving and driven by these changes—came academic theories about strategy, organisation, and change itself: theories that in many cases are still influencing how businesses operate.

By the mid-1980s, change—once difficult and time-consuming— I had become easier: something we knew how to do and did alt the time. Computers, no longer remote, were now on your desk and in your home.

Mobile phones broke the link between work and workplace. Mass containerisation of shipping and road transport made fast global supply chains possible.

New business models—such as First Direct's online banking—started to bypass traditional methods of sales and distribution. Not surprisingly, more new theories arose to address the new challenges—and again, many are still in use today. ►

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The Age of discontinuity mid-00s - now More recently, things shifted again—with the internet at the centre of the change. For many people, a laptop has become where they work, much more than any physical place. The internet is also where more and more of us shop, learn and interact. Thanks to broadband access, we can now become "experts" in medicine, law, culture, and politics.

Innovations such as the iPod have changed how we acquire, use and pay for music and other entertainment. Meanwhile, globalisation continues, as China and India become major players in the world economy. The recent financial meltdown clearly demonstrates how rapidly things change and what an unpredictable world we live in.

So where do we go from here?

Most current middle managers started work in the Age of Acceleration and most senior leaders started in the Age of Change—but the organisations they joined were often built on practices from the Age of Stability! Many management patterns established in all these periods are still in use today. But the challenges of the Age of Discontinuity are very different, and very different approaches are needed.

Update your mind model Everyone has a "mind model" of how the world works, which we create from what we see around us and what people tell us. We often can't explain the model to others, and rarely question it ourselves. Yet, every day, we make decisions based on it, usually without much conscious thought.

In a time when things didn't change much, this wasn't a problem. Now, our thinking can soon become out of date.

Most of us, for instance, can recall when photographic evidence was conclusive enough to convict. But now that we know how easy it is to manipulate photos, a "seeing is believing" mind model is out of date.

Or take a straightforward business example. I once worked with some clients who wanted new customers for their core product. They believed they made most of their money from that product, and everything else they sold had been introduced to keep core customers happy, rather than to make readersdigest.co.uk

money. But when the market took a downturn, we took a hard look at where their profits really came from. It turned out very few were from the core product, and most were from the add-ons.

They've now shifted their focus.

In earlier times, businesses could survive with a top team that didn't examine whether their mind models matched reality. Things changed slowly enough to allow these models to be updated in the same way they'd been constructed in the first place: bit by bit.

But that drip-feed approach will no longer work Businesses need one clear, up-to-date view of the world—which means re-examining their approach and seeing where it needs refreshing.

Create new meaning "Meaning" might sound a bit fluffy, but it's vital for making sense of what's happening. Many businesses have some sort of mission statement, which is meant to create a sense of purpose for the organisation as a whole. But a different level of meaning is needed in today's uncertain times.

It's what I call "Us, Plus", and it's more manifesto than mission statement: "The world is this way, but it could be that way, which is better, so we're going to help make it that way. Oh, and we think we can make money while we're doing so. We're doing something valuable, so we ought to get rewarded."

In fact, when old certainties are ►

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breaking down, creating new meaning is the key to leadership. With it, employees, customers and suppliers will be engaged and supportive—even when mistakes happen. Without it, a business can end up like BP: attacked by politicians and the public because it's seen as having focused on profit at the expense of the bigger picture.

Be quick on your feet Businesses won't survive if they can't respond to a fast-changing world. Yet most use an inherently slow approach.

Management ask a small group to figure out what to do (usually in secret). Some time later, they hear the recommendations and decide what to do. They then tell the staff.

If you've ever been in an organisation that's had consultants in, you know how it works: months of data-gathering and huge reports, before the answer is communicated from on high. But employees often resist change if they haven't been part of developing the solution. Besides, information now often changes faster than it can be gathered and analysed.

Some business leaders are using better approaches. They accept that you can't analyse everything. They involve more people inside their company. They reach out to anyone, anywhere, who can help identify workable solutions and move them forward.

In today's world, you don't have the luxury of figuring it all out first, then implementing the answer. In the Age of Discontinuity, an agile, open mind is the biggest asset of all.

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HOW YOU CAN GET READY FOR AN UNPREDICTABLE FUTURE 1. Don't wait for a return to normal.

Unpredictable, fast change isthe norm.

2. Expect surprises. If you don't get

enough of them, it probably means that you're missing something!

3. Be prepared to change your ways. Are you still shopping/dressing/

travelling the wayyou've done for years? Review your options: what's out there may have changed—and so may you, without even noticing it.

4. Be clear about what really matters to you. Family? Helping others? Work?

Hang on to it tight. Otherwise, it may change, even vanish, before you know it.

5. Keep working (paid or not) at somethingyou believe in and enjoy.

Life can get dull if you're not engaged in somethingyou find meaning in.

6. Don't just be one of the pack. Being in the middle of the herd used to mean safety. Now, whole herds can get wiped out; it's the distinctive and unusual that are more likely to stay viable.

7. Don't rely too much on "experts".

They don't know what's going to happen either: witness the global financial meltdown.

8. Learn to use new tools. New tools (like Facebook or Twitter) are coming along all the time. Learn how to use them, even if they seem challenging at first. Remember: what's new today may well become just the way things are. >> Belden Menkus has advised business leaders around the world for 25 years. • READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

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I

It was supposed to be a simple day's hike.

Then everything that could go wrong did

Since he was a boy, Sean Ireton has been an ardent hiker,

climbing mountain trails all over Europe and the US. Even on family trips, it was typical for him to take a day by himself to knock off a tempting peak. In 2009, he and his wife Megan —both German teachers at the University of Missouri and on sabbatical in Diisseldorf—planned a two-week backpacking adventure in Spain with their son Aldan, 12. They took ►

By Nick Heil

Sean Ireton (inset) was counting on an easy trek to Spain's highest peak

off in December and spent their days touring and hiking in the mountains in the south, making time to sample the regional cuisine and enjoy the country's robust red wines along the way.

Sean, 45, was looking forward especially to a solo hike on El Mulhacen, a rocky knob in Spain's Sierra Nevada and, at 11,413 feet, the highest peak on the Spanish mainland. From Mulhacen, on a clear day, you can see all the way across the Mediterranean to Morocco.

When they got near to Pradollano, a ski village near Mulhacen, the family pitched their tent in the woods.

At this time of year, the mountain's snowy trails are well packed and straightforward, requiring a hiker to travel at only a moderate clip to reach Mulhacen's broad summit in about four hours. Early the next morning, Sean put on several layers of warm clothes and had set out under a purpleand-golden sunrise.

But now, some 16 hours later, it was dark. Sean's wife and son lay in their

tent, worried. "When is Dad coming back?" Aidan asked Megan.

"He'll be back soon," his mother reassured him. In the past, her husband had returned late from excursions.

But this was pushing it, so sometime after midnight Megan took Aidan into town to look for help. The ordinarily lively village was deserted, the chairlifts hanging eerily in the dark. Megan didn't speak Spanish and a hotel clerk's directions just sent them in circles. They'd have to wait until morning.

"Aidan was so upset," Megan recalls.

"He sensed something was wrong. He had that child's intuition."

Sean had neared Mulhacen's summit by mid-afternoon but turned back a couple of hundred feet from the top when the trail became dangerously steep and icy. Clouds blew in as he descended and he veered off track. By the time he realised his mistake, daylight was fading and it had begun to drizzle. "I was getting wet and it was growing dark fast," he recalls. Luckily, he spied a crude stone shelter nearby. "I didn't want to get lost and end up on the other side of the mountain, so I decided to spend the night in the hut."

Inside, it was dark and clammy, but there was a table, wooden bunks and even some foam padding for a bed. Sean ate a chocolate bar from his rucksack and settled in. It

OP ENINGSPREAD: AL LCANADAPHOTOS/ GETTYIMAGESERIN PAUL DONOVAN/ ALAMY; MA P ILLUSTRATEDBYLON TWEETEN

"Aldan was so upset," Megan recalls. "He sensed something was wrong. He had that child's intuition" an easy hike back to camp in the morning and he imagined everyone's relief when he returned unharmed.

Sean was on the move by 6am, tacking

his way across a broad bowl and up a steep, snowy slope; on the other side of the ridge was the ski area and from there he could practically jog down the slopes. He made good progress until a storm suddenly swept over the ridge and nearly blew him off his feet. In minutes, he was caught in a white-out.

If I can just make the ridge, I'm home free, he thought as he powered forward, bending against the gale.

But the ridge never appeared and Sean knew it was crazy to stay on the exposed slope. He'd have to find an alternative route. He had no idea where he was but thought he could make out a trail still further below.

Sean studied the snow in front of him. It looked hard and slick. He regretted not bringing his crampons or an ice axe, which would have helped ensure safe passage. All he had was a pair of trekking poles. He reached out a foot to test the frozen surface and gradually brought his weight down. For a moment he balanced, but then his feet shot out from under him and he began tumbling

down the slope. He accelerated as he fell, rolling wildly over rocks and snow.

When he came to rest several hundred feet lower down, he was in a seated position with his legs spread out, as if he'd just plopped down to have a snack.

It would have been comical if he hadn't been so stunned.

He sat for a while and gathered his wits. He was wearing only a ski hat but his head seemed OK. Then Sean looked down at his legs. The long underwear covering his left leg was shredded and bright red blood soaked the torn flesh around his kneecap.

He gingerly inspected the wound.

With effort he got back on his feet, but ■

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141

his injured leg buckled beneath him and he fell face-first into the snow. He felt a hot surge of alarm. He was miles from help and certainly no one would come through this area for days, maybe weeks. He sat in the snow, on the verge of despair. How long could he possibly last out here?

He stood and tried to walk, but his injured leg buckled again. Blood streamed over his knee from two deep puncture wounds, speckling the white snow bright red. He tried crawling, dragging his lame leg; his progress was slow and painful.

Then he had an idea. His ski poles were adjustable, so he shortened them to use like crutches. He found he could move forward by shifting most of his

MEW

weight off his injured leg and keeping it board-straight. Slowly he mastered the technique, taking ten steps without a fall, then 20.

At last he reached the trail he'd seen earlier. It traversed along the side of the slope, angling down into the woods below the treeline. The path steadily widened, but the harsh winter had caused landslides that fell over the trail.

Sean was barely able to get past. As it

He stood and tried to walk, but his injured leg buckled. Blood streamed over his knee from two deep wounds

grew dark, he fished a headlight out of his rucksack and hobbled on, pausing only to nibble a cereal bar or sip from his water bottle.

ETHAN WELTY/ AURO RAPHOTOS

The morning after their discouraging

trip into town, Megan and Aidan returned there and waved down a police van. Using Spanish from a traveller's dictionary, Megan told the driver that her husband was missing. They were taken to the police station and the Guardia Civil dispatched a search party, led by officer Ruben Santos. In the 24 hours since Sean had set out, the weather had taken a turn. A blizzard had engulfed the upper mountain, with winds gusting over 60mph and forcing the lifts to close.

These storms were relatively common

in the Sierra Nevada and they could be deadly. In 2006, three climbers from Teesside had perished near the summit in similar conditions.

Santos and his men took a Snowcata tanklike machine for grooming snow —to the top of the ski runs, where they set out on foot. Within the maelstrom, Santos thought, If there's a man trapped out here, he's in real danger.

Megan and Aidan moved into a village hotel, where they could more easily

communicate with the search team.

The owner had offered them free room and board. Megan tried to keep Aidan occupied; they went to a cafe for lunch and played noughts and crosses. Before dark, they went back to the campsite ►

and retrieved the rest of their things.

They wrote a note for Sean saying where they'd gone, put it in a plastic bag and hung it from a nearby tree.

Megan was trying to be strong, but she couldn't look at Aidan without tears welling up. When the search party returned reporting no sign of the missing man, she nearly broke down.

The second night was the worst. "I couldn't get rid of the image of Sean lying injured on the ground with snow falling on him," she recalls. The next morning, she filed a missing-persons report. Back at the hotel, she and Aidan sat on the bed, waiting.

Sean hiked through the night, his leg

stiff and encrusted with dried blood.

The trail seemed endless, but at last it terminated at a rough dirt road. He pushed himself along until he reached a barricade with a sign that translated as, "Do Not Proceed. Bridge Washed Out Ahead. Road Closed".

Sean dragged himself back towards a cluster of buildings. Guard dogs barked by the entrance of what appeared to be a restaurant. He threw rocks but no one emerged. He was desperately tired and cold. Nearby he found a shed and crept inside. He lay down on the floor and was soon shivering uncontrollably.

He knew it was a sign of hypothermia.

Staying there could be lethal, so he forced himself back on his feet.

This time he wriggled through the barricade and eventually came to a cafe.

Inside he could see an older couple.

When they spotted him, they shouted, angry that he was trespassing. But when 144

they saw his leg, they took him inside and gave him a cup of wine.

"You must be the missing American," the woman said in Spanish, "the one they've been looking for. I heard it on the news."

"Well, yes," Sean said. "I'm pretty sure that's me."

The phone rang in Megan and Aidan's

hotel room. On the other end, an officer told her that her husband had been found. He was now in a Guardia Civil van on his way to a hospital in Granada.

Megan and Aidan ran through the hotel crying, so elated that they told everyone they came across that Sean was alive.

After arriving at the hospital, they found Sean lying on a stretcher in a READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Sean conquers Muthacen four months after his knee injury

TH EBIGS OCIETY. M E. UK

"The mountain seems so benign when you're up there in good weather, but it's very easy to underestimate"

put some weight on it with the help of a short metal crutch. Against the odds, this time he made it to the summit. Then he gazed across the blue waters of the Mediterranean towards Africa.

"It seems so benign when you're up there in good weather," he says now.

"But then you realise how easy it is to underestimate a mountain like this."

"I know Sean wouldn't have survived if he hadn't kept going and found his way out," Megan adds. "I try not to think about it now, but I know we were lucky. We got a happy ending." • >> Ayear after the accident, Sean's knee is about 75 per cent recovered. "I can hike on it and jog slowly, but I need to rebuild my thigh muscles, which have atrophied quite a bit. Another month or so of physiotherapy should do it."

EWARE OF MORRIS DANCERS!

corridor. "We thought you were dead!"

Megan said. Sean was pretty banged up. Besides shattering his kneecap, he had ruptured a tendon. Nurses were preparing him for a series of operations, the first steps in what's expected to be a year-long recovery. When he was discharged ten days later, the family celebrated over pizza at a restaurant before returning to Germany, where Sean began physiotherapy.

Four months after the accident, Sean

travelled alone back to Mulhacen. His leg was still healing, but he was able to readersdigest.co.uk

From The Big Society by Si Barber 145

WELCOME TO THE PAGES THAT HEL MAKE LIFE SIMPLE EASIER AND, WE HO MORE FUN! STARTIN HERE WITH...

1,001 things everyone should know... is compiled and written

by Linda Gray

HOW TO MAKE THIS THE YEAR YOU GET LUCKY, even if you don't scoop the triple rollover. We make our own luck, says psychologist Richard Wiseman, author of The Luck Factor (£8.99), which is just as well in the current economic chill. But just wishing for a lottery win won't work. There's a difference between chance, which depends on that elusive bonus ball, and luck, which we can change. "It's a direct result of the wayyou think and behave," says Wiseman.

Everyday choices—accepting or declining an invitation, binning or keeping a job ad— could be meaningless but just might be lifechanging. Your call.

5 EASY WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR LUCK Collect Facebook friends. Lucky people are good at connecting—they're twice as likely to be

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1,001 things...

RUSSEL LGLENISTER/ IMAGE100/ ALA MY; MIKE HARRINGTON/ WHITE/ PHOTOLIBRARY. COM

on first-name terms with people than unlucky ones, says Wiseman. He's also found that extroverts are luckier than introverts, because engaging with others puts you in line for invaluable tips, new friends and even a new career.

(You don't have to be the life and soul. I was lounging in my bathrobe at a spa when I landed my last job.)

2 Let your mind wander. Concentrating too hard on a single task can stop you spotting opportunities—take cognitive scientist Professor Daniel Simon's selective attention test*on YouTu be if you don't believe me.

3 Tune into your instincts. Wiseman found that most lucky people meditate, which clears the mind.

4 Own a lucky charm. It can improve a golf handicap and boost performance in memory tests, according to new research.

5 Celebrate your birthday in May. May-born people are the most likely of all to believe they're lucky, according to Wiseman's research. This means they probably are, because there's convincing evidence to show that if you think you're lucky,you will be.

HOW TO ...watch TV in 3D HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE WE SEE EASTENDERS IN THE ROUND? Don't hold your breath, because the Beeb is cautious about the merits of 3D. Sky thinks differently: its new 3D channel (free with Sky World HD) currently screens sports and movies.

In fact, film fans are spoilt for choice.

Virgin offers pay-ondemand 3D movies oryou can see them on Blu-ray discs.

Now for the hardware—and you'll need more ► *See readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblinks

HOW TO ...see off a dog

IS HE BARING HIS TEETH OR JUST PLAYFUL? Either way you're nervous, so try this. "Act like a tree," says Beverley Cuddy, editor of Dogs Today.

"Turn to the side, blink slowly and yawn—these are calming signals."

If you're on a bike, get off and place it between you and the dog, and if you're knocked to the ground, act like stone (not easy). And never, ever look an aggressive dog in the eye. "You lookin' at me?" louts are nothing compared to a Rottweiler with attitude.

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1,001 THINGS

and a 3D Blu-ray player or PlayStation 3 if you want to play discs. The drawback is those clunky 3D glasses. Cheap cardboard specs won't do—you need to spend £99

HOW TO rrHAts1 -117')

"THANK YOU FOR THE SOCKS" is not always enough. There are some people you really owe and they need to be thanked in person, says positivepsychology guru Professor Martin Seligman. Think of someone who did something helpful foryou that you've never acknowledged.

(NB: It can't be someone you hope will do you another favour.) Then arrange to see them without tellingthem why. You need to give a thoughtful speech of at least 300 words, but it's worth it. It spreads the love, boostingyour happiness for up to six months and promptingthethankee to help more people.

148

a pair to synchronise signals from the TV. By nowyou'll have spent around £1,500 luringthe family intoyour front room, so why not splash out another £1,149.95 on a Panasonic 3D Camcorder so you can film them all? Or maybe you'd rather put the money in a ISA and watch them in all-natural 3D. It's how we see the world, after all.

HOW TO ...halve your energy bills HOME FUEL BILLS HAVE DOUBLED in the past eightyears and are still soaring. But there's a lotyou can do to cut them —and the joy is,you won't even notice. Simply draughtproofing doors can save £25 ayear, according to the Energy Saving Trust (EST), treat the loft hatch and squirt sealant into gaps by pipes and skirting. Then economise on water.

Settingthe cylinder thermostat to 60°C is quite hot enough and fitting an eco-showerhead (£35 by Mira at B&Q) can save a family of four up to £125 ayear.

Electronics gobble electricity, so don't chargeyour mobile overnight—it only takes a couple of hours. Leaving gadgets on standby costs around £4o ayear—at just £18, the EST-approved One-Click standby saver will switch them off foryou. And walk away from that 4o-inch TV in the sales.

Energy consumption rises with screen size and brightness.

To save serious money, keep switching suppliers (see page 162 for more on this). You can make even more on the new deal by going through a cashback site such as Quidco*. Round off your savings by avoiding estimated bills. Download the British Gas meterreading app to your mobile and do it yourself.

"Go to readersdigest.co.uk/linksfor relevant weblinks

CHERYL ZIBI SKY/ PHO TOL IB RA R Y; IMAG EBROKER. NET/ PHOTOLIBRARY

than a 3D TV (the cheapest are about £800). According to John Lewis's vision buyer John Kempner,you should budget for an HD box (free if you sign up to Sky)

MAKE THAT NEW YEAR'S DAY HEADACHE the last you have this year. You'll probably know what caused it, which doesn't always apply. There are over 200 types, says Dr Fayyaz Ahmed of the British Association for the Study of Headaches (BASH) and identifying them is important. Once tension headache, sinus pain and migraine have been ruled out, one of these might be your bugaboo. If it's unbearable oryou have it most days, get expert help.

Head-banging: Excruciating pain around one eye that usually afflicts male smokers. It can be treated with oxygen, steroids or lithium.

• Jaw-aching: TMJ (temporomandibular joint) .Tc headache comes from ▪ grindingyour teeth in your sleep. Use a gumshield.

2 ° Eye-watering: Hemicrania—pain on < one side of the head• makes the eyes bloodshot.

"Indomethacin is the magic

treatment," says Ahmed.

Red wine: A sensitivity or allergy to red wine can cause headaches. An antihistamine tab may help, as can drinking tea before and after the wine—quercetin, found in black tea, prevents the headache forming.

Rebound: Reaching for the painkillers too often can cause, not cure, a headache.

"If you take codeine regularly, you'l I get a headache six hours later," warns Dr Richard Peatfield,

chairman of BASH. Try water and a walk instead.

Night-time: In the over 5os, night headaches and a sore head may mean temporal arteritis (an inflammatory disease of blood vessels).

It needs attention because it's a threat to sight, but steroids will treat it.

Orgasmic: An explosive headache when passion reaches its height—it needs investigating in case it's due to constricted arteries.

Otherwise, why complain? • — — .

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1,001 THINGS

HOW TO ...keep a must-read diary IT'S THERAPY, HISTORY AND AN INCOME STREAM. It can even improve your health. According to Professor James Pennebaker, writing about heartfelt emotions can boost immunity, as well asyour mindset. You don't have to do it every day-2o minutes for four days in a row is enough to make sense of your life.

So much for therapy, what about history? The diary has been an invaluable social record ever since Pepys, and the number of ministers in the last Government who were scribbling away defies belief. Chris Mullin, whose political diaries are arguably the best-written of the lot (the latest, Decline and Fall, is a study of the Brown years), filed his memories in red pocketbooks. "When you write things down you remember them better, so I noted anything that struck me as interesting," he says. "A good diary should illuminate the age you live in, so it needs mundane details, too."

Tempted to have a go? Then take inspiration from these revelatory reads.

Satire: The Lost Diaries by Craig Brown. Wicked parodies of celebs, from Keith Richards to the Queen.

Politics: The Power and the People by Alistair Campbell. Second volume of his unexpurgated diaries.

Will Gordon and Peter ever make up? Will Tony stop worrying about his hair? Answers on January 20.

Humour:A Diary of The Lady: My First Year as Editor,

by Rachel Johnson. A compulsively racy read.

History: Nella's Last War. The wartime diary of Housewife 49 from the Mass Observation Archive, which asks citizens to record their lives. If you're under 44 and from the North, they want you.

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What your gym instructor won't tell you >> January's the worst time to join. Everyone's desperate to work off the Christmas cake, so new memberships soar by almost so%. That means I don't need to offeryou a deal and you're happy to sign a contract on the spot. I doubt I'll see much of you by Easter as almost 30% of you drop out in the first 90 days. But that's OK—by then you're locked into paying for a year. >> I don't have to be qualified. Anyone can set up as a personal trainer or teach in agym. Ask for the instructor's full name and check them on the Register of Exercise Professionals (REPS) website*. It tellsyou what they're trained in and to what level (the minimum is 2) and shows that they're insured. If they're not there, choose from one of the 28,500 fitness teachers who are fit—for purpose.

"Visit readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblinks

>> I hate to let you go.

WHITE/ PHOTODI SC/ PHOTOLIBRA R Y. C OM: INGRAM PU BLI SHING

Things have been sticky ever since the Office of Fair Trading rapped us over the metatcarpals for heavyhanded debt collection. It still happens because the contract's a legal document and if it says you have to pay for ayear, that's what it means. Next time, check the cancellation policy.

Oh, and please don't cancel the direct debit. I have credit control on speed-dial.

>> Three-quarters of my members pay for zilch.

Membership costs them £75 a month, yet they rarely

go. I don't get it—but then neither do they.

>> That Les Mills gets everywhere.

He's the man behind the exerciseto-music programmes hundreds of instructors sign up to. He's also the reason why so many classes are exactly the same. >> Have a day off. Working out with weights is a great

to party. They thrive on hot water, moist air and lots of people, plus their germs.

>> You can wriggle out of the contract. It's void if I don't deliver the services I promise—the pool's out of action or I shut the creche, say. And if you join online or by phone,you have seven days to changeyour mind.

>> Sit-ups won't get rid of fat. If your belly's too big,

way to add strength, but the minute tears it causes in the muscle fibres need time to heal.

you need to burn it off with fast-paced aerobic exercise and a diet.

>> There's an overexerciser at every gym, often with an

"Where's the defibrillator?"

Every gym should have one, plus staff who are trained to use it if you have a coronary. >> Visit when it's crowded.

eating disorder. I'd like to look away, but thanks to REPS' new policy, I can't ignore it. >> I'm not liable for

any injury or for loss or damage to your property.

That's what the notice says, but I am if you can prove I've been negligent. >> Don't sit down if you're naked. How many people use that changingroom bench? And check out the showers and the spa where bacteria like

>> Here's a question that could save your life.

Peak times are evenings and weekends, and I'd rather you didn't see the queue for the treadmill or the pool lanes at a standstill. It might just putyou off.

>> Pick a gym close to where you live or work.

Go three times a week. Eat less. Then you'll see results.

You don't need to go to the gym, of course.

You can get fit on your own —and save £900 a year. ■

SOURCES: REPS, THE OFFICE OF FAIR TRADING, GYM STAFF AND CLIENTS IN THE MIDLANDS AND SOUTH

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HEALTH

on the Ward Max Pemberton finds that job satisfaction comes in unlikely guises If TV hospital dramas are to be believed, doctors spend all their days running around dramatically saving lives or having affairs with nurses in the laundry cupboards. If only.

The reality is rather more mundane. I spend a large part of each day searching down the backs of radiators for lost blood results or

"It must be so exciting doing that for a living!"

The surgeon shrugged.

"Not really" sitting at my desk with my head in my hands listeningto tinnyversions of "Greensleeves" while on hold for IT support. None of that is going to make a riveting episode of Casualty, is it?

There's also the assumption that medicine can be

intellectually difficult. Again, it's often very repetitious, particularly if you're junior.

Certainly it requires knowledge, but for the most part, it's hardly brain surgery. Except brain surgery, of course.

In fact, a few months ago I talked about this to a brain surgeon. He'd come to give the juniors a lecture and invited some of us to watch him operate. The type of surgery he did meant the patient had to remain awake duringthe procedure.

The brain has no pain receptors—only the layers surrounding it do—so the patient was able to lie completely awake, talking to us while the top part of her head had been removed and the surgeon's knife was inside her brain.

As he delved deeper, he looked out for anythingthat would let him

PHOTOGRAPHED BY SEAMUS RYAN

know he was getting too close to a vital part and shouldn't progress. We all stood open-mouthed. This woman had a tumour, and the surgeon skilfully cut it out, saving her life.

"That was incredible," I said afterwards as we sat in the coffee room. "It must be

so exciting doing that for a living!" The surgeon shrugged. "Not really," he said. "The first few times you do it you get a buzz, but after that it just becomes routine. I don't really think about it now."

This wasn't what I was expecting. I'd been envious of his exciting job but, of course, if you do something often enough, it loses its appeal.

"It's the outcome that gives me job satisfaction," he continued. "That woman would have died and now, hopefully, she won't—because of what I just did."

I thought back to my own job. Filling out endless forms or inserting countless catheters can be tedious, but without all that, what would happen to my patients? Even filling out forms or writing up reams of notes is vital for the quality of the overall care they receive.

I returned to the ward with a newfound vigour...

Until my computer broke and I had to call IT support. ;;- Max Pemberton is a hospital doctor, and the Mind Journalist of the Year 2010.

The womb The womb, or uterus, is vital to the female reproductive system. All of us started life in one—when an egg leaves the ovaries it passes through the Fallopian tubes into the uterus, where it develops into a foetus.

What does it look like?

It's shaped like an upsidedown pear. When a woman isn't pregnant, it's only about 8cm long and 5cm wide. However, one of the unique properties of the womb is its ability to stretch to accommodate a growing foetus and then contract to deliver the baby. The uterus is tucked above the bladder, which is why pregnant women find they have to go to the toilet more often. The neck of the uterus is known as the cervix. At the upper corners of the uterus are the Fallopian tubes. These connect the uterus with the ovaries, where the eggs are stored before being released.

How does it work?

The uterus wall comprises several layers. The innermost layer, the endometrium, thickens each month to prepare for a fertilised eggto embed in it. When this doesn't occur, the liningfalls away as menstruation, to be formed again the next month. The myometrium, the muscular layer, lets the womb stretch during pregnancy. It also helps it contract during labour, which is triggered by the release from the pituitary gland in the brain of a hormone called oxytocin.

Wondering about wandering?

The Ancient Greeks thought the womb could "wander" about the body and cause unruly emotions—a condition termed "hysteria" after the Greek for womb: hystera. It's actually held in place by ligaments. ► Next month: the skeleton ILLUSTRATED BY DAVID HUMPHRIES

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HEALTH

Eczema currently affects one in 12 adults in the UK. It can get worse during the winter months, but you can manage it by following these simple rules

Eczema

Dos and Don'ts DO: Relax. Stress can worsen this skin condition, accordingto psychodermatologists (mind-skin specialists), who believe the effect stress has on our immune system can have an impact on our skin. If your skin flares up when you're under pressure, relax for ten minutes everyday.

Turn the heating down at night.

Sweating irritates the skin, so set the temperature at around 18°C to keep your bedroom cool.

DON'T: Scratch. It is tempting, but it might make your skin crack and bleed, which will take longer to heal.

Take a hot bath. It may be all you want on these winter nights, but the combination of sitting in soapy water for hours and a high temperature will aggravateyour skin. Opt for a warm shower instead, patting rather than rubbing skin dry afterwards.

Be overweight. Gravitational eczema is caused by poor circulation and varicose 154

Exercise. Yes, getting hot and sticky can irritate the skin, but exercise keeps eczema-stimulating stress levels in check.

Make sure you wear loose clothes and take a cool shower afterwards. Wash your workout gear in non-bio powder.

Try acupuncture. A recent German studyfound that it eased itching in \ those with atopic eczema, perhaps because the body's pain and itchingtriggers share similarities.

z

veins, which may be exacerbated 0 by being overweight. It occurs >- o when blood can't flow as easily, 20 weakeningvein walls and causing blood to leak through them. Over time, the ce0 <7, skin becomes thin and may weep.

O Cut out whole food groups. Although ra eczema can be symptomatic of a food allergy caused by eggs, milk or peanuts, it's a.0 cna rare that diet alone triggers a flare-up. See L.L1 X LO a dietitian or nutritionist before giving up C. 0 CO any food groups.

READER'S DIGEST JANUARY '11

Sleepo'clock What you do throughout the day can affect how you sleep at night.

Here's how and why:

INGRAM PUBLISHIN G

Morning: Set your body clock. Getting up at the same time every day is the simple wayto synchroniseyour body's biological clock. It will have a clear direction that at night it's meant to be asleep, and at 7am, say, it's meant to be awake.

Midday: Get sporty. Well, not too sporty —just going for a walk duringyour lunchbreak or a cycle ride to buy a sandwich can increase sleep time by a huge 42 minutes.

After work: Don't work late. More than half of all employees take work home and, according to readersdigest.co.uk

Dinner time: Get carb-friendly. Research has found that eating a high-carb meal four hours before bed can halve the time it takes to fall asleep.

Bedtime: Chill

Australian research, even seeing the light from your computer monitor before bedtime is enough to postpone the onset of sleep by three hours.

out. Lowering the temperature in your bedroom sends signals to your bodythat it's time for sleep, says a study done by the Kettering Medical Centre in Ohio.

Have a quickie. You may feel too tired, but an orgasm is one of the best sleep remedies around. Plus, it's a wayto keep warm now that you've lowered the temperature in your bedroom... ► 155

HEALTH

Cold comfort Elizabeth Adlam on how to ward off whatever winter throws at you Cold sores. Algopain-Eze Cold Sore Patch is a dissolvable patch that contains zinc sulphate and anti-inflammatory and anti-viral seaweed extracts.

In atrial of 18-to 50-yearolds, 88 per cent said the patch healed the cold sore within three days. Costs £8.99 for an eight-patch box, from chemists and supermarkets.

Poor micro-circulation.

An extract from the bark of the French maritime pine can enhance microcirculation, bringingvital nutrients to the skin and brightening the complexion. In one clinical trial, Pycnogenol® was shown to increase skin elasticity after

• 11111111111111111 number one remedy six weeks when nelsons for chilblains." Nelsons compared with a placebo. £12.95 Chilblains Cream, £4.35, is available for 60 tablets.* from pharmacies Ruddy skin. and online*.

Caper buds Blocked sinuses. have an anti"You can clear sinuses inflammatory in the shower," says effect—good Hector Wells of the news for the one British Osteopathic in ten who suffers from Association. "Put a wet rosacea. The new KALME cloth overyour face and skincare range contains put the flat of your hands Derma Sensitive*, a caper on each temple. Holding extract, which reduced your head in both hands, redness by 70% in trials. apply pressure with your Chilblains. A product left hand for a few seconds, made from the fresh root relax, apply pressure with of wild black bryony can bring relief. Says registered your right hand, then relax.

Repeat a few times with homeopath Ranjni Janda: your head under warm "Applied externally, black running water." • bryony tincture is the

HOW TO ADD YEARS TO YOUR LIFE +1 Years Laugh regularly Relaxes you and reduces stress

+2 r a pet Can lower blood pressure and heart rate +4 -lave a good sex life Reduces the risk of heart disease +6 Brush and floss daily Healthygums cutyour risk of heart • ease and diabete +7 :ind true love Married couples outlive divorc d +9 See the bright side Optimistic people are

156

unmarried co rL

ver illnes

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Now I go to the toilet when I want to go... not when I feel I have to go." Ken, 69* Visit your pharmacist today to see if Flomax Relief is right for you, or call FREEphone 0800 731 9070 for more information and take control of your annoying pee problems.

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BEAUTY

Chroma If you want a beauty boost during January's grey days, hair colour can give you a head start says Jan Masters I always find that having my hair coloured is a positive mood morpher, instant de-ager and complexion enhancer.

I'm not alone. Lulu—entertainer and now beauty guru*—agrees.

After penning her advicecrammed book Lulu's Secrets to Looking Good (E18.99), she knows a thing or two about the subject.

"As a rule of thumb, as you age,your hair colour needs to go a few shades lighter than your original tone to be flattering," she advises.

"Even if you once had jet-black hair, after a certain pointyou need 158

some highlights, just a few shades lighter, to lift the colour. Or go lighter all over—try a warm chestnut-brown. With blonde hair, think cool shades—there shouldn't be warmth or red in there, because it'll look brassy."

Thinking of a radical colour switch? Book a consultancywith a pro and don't forget to tell them how much time—and budget— you have to devote to retouching. But for colouring at home, avoid anything too complicated or dramatic. "If you want to jump more than three shades lighter, I'd always recommend visiting a professional salon," says Duffy, Clairol's creative colour director. "However, for somethingthat will lift two or three shades and look `true', Clairol nice'n easy (€5.49) contains new-wave technology that delivers naturallooking colour and eliminates any brassiness."

In fact, over seven million British women colour their hair at home, ►

*See readersdigest.co.u k/lin ks for a lin k to Lu lu's website

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Get show stop oing hair colour, Let your confidence sparkle with new look nice'n easy. The rich tones and highlights give me permanent multi-tonal colour, up to 100% grey coverage and dazzling colour confidence. It's a small change to your hair that makes a big change to your head.

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BEAUTY

160

I vant to be alone Not everyone requires a spa-ing partner when they head for the health farm. In fact, travel company Wellbeing Escapes reports that travelling solo is now the fastest-growing segment in the spa and wellness holiday market. I can see why.

I've always preferred to do my own thing, rather than clock-watch because you have to meet a friend to admire her faultless manicure. Going it alone? Here are a few tips: • Ask to see the activities schedule in advance to timetable classes and treatments so they don't clash.

Knowing what you're doing when you arrive means you won't feel lost.

• Don't feet obliged to dine at the "shared table", especially if you're not in the mood for small talk.

• Pack books you've always wanted to read.

• Take a TV schedule to avoid sitting in your room channel-hopping like a bored teenager.

• Use time alone to think about what you've achieved in the past months. And what you'd like to achieve in the future. Sometimes, it's only when you have solitude that you gain perspective and clarity.

MAGNUS RAG NV ID/ GET TYIMAGES

and technology is changing all the time. The newest development is foaming permanent dyes, which you simply massage in as you would a frothy shampoo.

Newly launched is John Frieda Precision Foam Colour, £9.99. It's been seven years in the making and is designed to perform with minimum mess,fuss or drips. And because the foam expands when you work it through the hair (use gloves), it reaches all areas and gives i00% grey coverage.

And watch out for Sublime Mousse by Casting, E6.99, from L'Oreal Paris, out at the end of Januarysuper-whipped, with a fruity fragrance, it makes light work of a usually dull chore.

Without doubt, when it comes to DIY colouring, 2011 really is the year to "foam-home".

But remember: results are dependent on variables such as the base shade and condition of your hair.

• Always consult an expert if you are in any doubt. Check out the manufacturer's websites and consumer helplines for more advice.

• Follow instructions to the letter and carry out a patch test in advance. ■

INSIDER TIP INSIDER TIP INSIDER TIP Liz Earle, co-founder of Liz Earle Naturally Active Skincare, on her New Year's beauty resolution. "For me, 2011 will be about treating myself in small ways;' she says. "I'm going to take extra care over often-neglected areas, such as hands and feet, to feel pampered and polished. Creating `me-time' at the end of the day needn't cost the earth and can make all the difference to both your skin and your psyche."

PREVIOUS PAGE: STOCKBROKERXTRA IMAGES/PHOTOLIBRARY.COM

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MONEY

Your New Year

money planner

Deal with your debt First, work out

Audit your bills Make a list of all your bills, detailing how much you pay, when they're due, who your provider is and what your payment method is. Then tackle each

how much you owe and what the interest rate is on each of your debts. Then see if there's a way to make your debts cheaper.

With the average interest rate on credit cards currently at around 16-17%APRrising to as much as 3o%APR on store cards—it's worth investigating o% balance

bill individually to make savings.

The golden rule to remember is:when it comes to utility providers, loyalty is rarely rewarded. So it's important to shop around regularly and compare different prices.

It's also worth remembering that, right now, many of the cheapest deals are online

162

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

ILLUSTRATEDBYMITCHBLUNT

Resolved to get your finances sorted this year?

Your success starts here

transfer deals to eliminate your interest payments for a set period of time, allowing you to pay back your debt faster and for less (but bear in mind there's usually a handling fee).

If you need longerto repayyour debt, consider a long-term, low-rate deal instead.

Although you'll pay some interest on your debt, the rate's usually a lot cheaper.

Onceyou've madeyour existing debts as cheap as possible, decide on a repayment plan. For example, if you've got numerous debts, pay off the balances with the highest interest rates first while paying the monthly minimum repayment on the cheaper debts.

Once you've cleared this balance,you can then move on to the debt attractingthe next highest rate of interest, and so on, until you're completely debt-free.

and many providers offer substantial discounts if you're prepared to pay by direct debit or opt for online, paperless billing.

Check your insurance Read the terms and conditions of the policies you're currently paying for and make sure you're not dishing out for cover you don't need.

It's also important to make sure you're not doubling up on cover—for example, if you're paying for mobile-phone insurance, check if your phone is already covered by your home-insurance policy.

Next, shop around to check you're paying a competitive price for the policies you do need (for more on car insurance, see page 164).

Current accounts If you've had the same account for years,you could benefit from a more competitive rate by switching to a different account. Some banks even offer new customers financial incentives to switch.

On the other hand, if you're regularly overdrawn, see if you can switch to an account with a o% overdraft. This will give you some breathing room to clearyour debt as you won't have to pay interest for a set period of time.

Savings accounts With interest rates so low, it's vital that you regularly review your accounts and checkyou're earning a nice rate. Make sureyou're taking advantage of your tax-free ISA allowance, too.

Basic-rate taxpayers usually lose zo% of the interest they make on their savings to the taxman, while higher-rate taxpayers lose 4o%. But by savingyour money in an ISA, you'll receivei00% of the interestyou earn. readersdigest.co.uk

5 AIRPORT RIP-OFFS to be aware of Baggage charges Budget airlines are renowned for charging extortionate fees for checking in luggage. Ryanair even had the audacity to hike its fees by £5 just for the summer-holiday season.

What's more, with weight allowances generally on the skimpy side,you could end up paying even more in excess charges if your bag is too heavy. Ryanair, for example, charges £20 per extra kilo.

Car parking Parking fees can be huge and vary massively depending on which airport you travel from. And if you fail to book in advance, you could be left facing an even heftier bill.

At Heathrow, for example, it will cost over £1oo for seven days' parking if you turn up on the day, whereas if you book in advance you'll probably pay half this.

Fees, fees, fees A few budget airlines now charge people just for checking in.

Some airlines will only charge for checking in at the airport, while others will charge you to check in online as well.

Asyou'll most likely have already forked out a "booking fee" when you purchased your flight and probably a "transaction fee" for using a card to pay for it (more if you use a credit rather than debit card), it's a bit of a cheek!

What's more, many airlines are also ►

163

MONEY

now charging a sizeable fee for the privilege of picking where you want to sit or for "priority boarding".

/// ,

Av., *

Change charges I'm baffled bythe amounts charged to change flight details. Ryanair, for example, charges £35 to change a one-wayflight online and £55 if you change it at the airport. And ifyou want to change the name on a flight,you're looking at £100 online and a whopping £150 at the airport.

Food and drink You have to pay extra if you want to eat on board and even snack food can cost the earth. According to a travelsupermarket* report earlier this year, the average mark-up on airline snack food is over 350% compared to supermarket prices. So a family of four could end up forking out £5o for a few sandwiches and drinks.

Food and drink at the airport can be ridiculously overpriced, with many shops preying on the fact that you can't take drinks through security.

tactors

that affect the cost of your car insurance There are some things you can't do much about— such as your age, gender and whereyou live —but there are manythat you can. Remember, all insurance premiums reflect how much risk you pose as a customer. So if you can lower the risk,you're likely to loweryour premiums.

1Your profession Insurers consider some professions riskier than others, so if your job requiresyou to travel long

*Go to readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblinks

distances, work antisocial hours or carry important passengers, for example, it's likelyyou'll be charged more foryour premiums.

2 Your job title It also pays to be aware that the wayyou phrase your job title can make a real difference to the price of your policy. For example, a "journalist/correspondent" or "editor" may be able to find a slightly cheaper deal than a "newspaper reporter", while a

"landlord" may pay less than a "publican".

3 Your driving history

IMAGESOURCE/ PHO TOL IB RAR Y. C OM

Ifyou've been involved in an accident or convicted of a motoring offence,you'll almost certainly have to pay a much higher price for your premiums. According to insurance companies, people who've claimed on their car insurance in the past are more likely to claim in the future. What's more, ifyour accident causes you to loseyour no-claims bonus,you could find the price of your premiums rises even further.

4 How much you drive The more timeyou spend on the road, the more chance there is you'll be involved in an accident. If you can therefore commit to a lower annual mileage, you're likely to find your insurer offersyou a cheaper deal than if you're a more frequent driver.

more likelyto be stolen and more expensive to repair.

If your car has a powerful engine oryou've made modifications to it,you're also likelyto pay more.

6 Where you keep your car The more secureyour car is, the less your insurance is likely to cost. For example, ifyou keep your car in a locked garage,you'll probably pay substantially less than if you park on the kerb outsideyour house.

7 Your credit rating Many insurers take your credit rating into consideration when calculating the price of your policy, as studies show customers with poor credit histories are more likely to claim on their insurance. This means if you have a poor credit ratingyou could end up paying more.

8 How you pay If you 5 What car you drive Many people don't realise that the type of car they drive affects their carinsurance costs. Brand new, popular or classic models usually cost more to insure because they're considered

can pay foryour annual policy in one go, rather than in monthly instalments, it will costyou significantly less. This is because insurers chargeyou interest for the privilege of spreading out your payments.

WATCH OUT Are you on a fixedrate energy contract?

Some energy suppliers can charge up to £200 if you want to switch deals before the fixed-rate period ends. What's more, some suppliers have a policy of "rolling over" customers onto new fixed-rate contracts that carry early exit fees if they don't hear from the customer before their existing deal ends.

This means you can end up either stuck with your supplier for another year or having to pay a hefty penalty charge to get out of the contract. ■ RD Money editor Victoria Bischoff is also a personal finance reporter at Citywire Money, an independent website* that helps people make the most of their money.

165

FOOD

Stout meal My resolution for this month was to suggest something healthy, something light, something in keeping with the "must do better" philosophyfor January. But then I thought again. After the excesses of Christmas, we all seem to retreat into a murky world of guilt and selfrecrimination. Which is no fun at all.

In fact, it seems to me that ifyou're goingto give up certain things, you should do it in February instead— because February's shorter. After all, why prolong the pain?

Another way of looking at it is to embrace January, and give it lots of love and attention. Snuggle up with a good glass of booze and a robust and hearty plateful of food.

Brisket, taken from the breast or lower chest of the cow, is one of my favourite cuts of meat. The key thing is to let it cook slowly for at least four hours. The more tender the meat, the more glorious the result.

Often, I prefer a deep stout to accompany meat over a glass of red wine—in my view, beer is hugely underrated.

As I get older, I drink more and more of it and am becoming something of an expert on the various hops.

Cooking with beer is great fun, too, and cooking with Guinness in particular is ajoy. The 55oml measurement I have given you here is really just a guide. Once you have produced this dish a few times,you'll know how much Guinness to use.

In the meantime, why not ask the neighbours round to share this classic dish—and bring some much-needed warmth into your January?

166

BEEF BRISKET IN GUINNESS AND PRUNE JUICE (serves 4) 2 onions, halved 2 garlic cloves, peeled Extra virgin olive oil 5ooml prune juice 2ooml water 55om1 Guinness Knorr beef stock cube 1.3kg beef brisket, trimmed and cut into 8 pieces 1. Preheat the oven to 275°F/140°C/Gas Mark i.

2. Pulp the onions and garlic with a food processor (or hand-held stick blender) until almost a purée.

3. Heat 1-2tbsp of olive oil in a casserole dish, add the onion-garlic pulp and fry over a low heat, stirring frequently until the purée melts and smells delicious.

It will take 5-6 minutes to cook, but don't brown it.

4. Remove from the heat, add the prune juice, water Guinness and crumbled stock cube. Set aside.

5. In a large heavy-based frying pan, heat some olive

CL IV E BO ZZARD- HILL

This January, why not give up guilt for a change—and enjoy something hearty, suggests Marco Pierre White

"I know it's a bit dull," says cover "but my favourite food is a nice Sunday • roast, Welsh Iamb best of all" •

.........

oil (be generous with it) and brown the beef pieces for a minute or two on each side, turning only once. Remove them from the pan and pat dry with kitchen paper.

6. Add the beef pieces to the casserole and cook in

the preheated oven for 4 hours, or until the meat is deliciously tender.

• Marco Pierre White is donating his fee for this column to Macmillan Cancer Support.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY FABFOODPIX.COM

MARCO'S MAGIC As a garnish, separately fry some prunes and bacon tardons and spoon them over the whole dish

►

167

FOOD & DRINK

in RFC LLI

Lir itt

Annette Ellis from Mullion, Cornwall, shows how to get all the taste with far fewer calories

50g mixed peel 568m1skimmed milk 225g self-raising flour 50g flaked almonds (optional) 1 shot brandy

1. Mix the All-Bran, sugar, fruit, spice, cherries and mixed peel in a bowl.

2. Stir in the milk and stand for 30 minutes.

3. Sieve in the flour, mix and place in a tin well lined with parchment paper.

4. Bake at 350°F/180°C/Gas Mark 4 for an hour.

5. Turn out and leave to cool, then make small holes (using a skewer or knitting needle) in the top of the cake and pour on the brandy—or any spirit you prefer.

6. Add the flaked almonds, if wanted. )) Want to share a recipe? We pay £50 for any we publish. See page 9 for details.

168

up Will Lyons takes a sober look at the best lowalcohol wines on the market

FAT-FREE FRUIT CAKE

225g All-Bran 225g sugar 285g mixed dried fruit 2tsp mixed spice 100g glace cherries

Lighten

January is a traditional time to cut down on alcohol intake. Most wines these days contain between 12.5 and 14% alcohol—so this month I'm suggesting four where the percentage is relatively low. (Remember, with alcohol, every percentage point makes a surprisingly big difference.)

For those who want to detox completely, try Weinkonig Merlot (£6.99, available online*). At 0.3% it contains barely any alcohol at all and provides a realistic alternative to a glass of red wine.

If you're a fan of red, Australia's McGuigan 9.5 Shiraz (£6.99,Tesco) has addressed the high-alcohol problem head on, producing a red wine at 9.5% that's refreshingly light.

Asda's 2008 D:Vine Pinot Grigio, from Germany's Pfalz regions, won't fatigue the palate at 11.5%. For £4.98 its zesty feel is very good value.

Any celebrations can be toasted with Wait rose's spicy Cava Brut NV (£6.99), which is also 11.5%. And remember: if you get through January, you can always try keeping it up until Lent! ■ *See readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblink

Damp proofing without the mess of replastering!

DAMP is a creeping menace that affects thousands of homes across the UK. It rots woodwork and carpets, peels wallpaper and causes fungus and mould growth on walls.

Now winter is upon us, those tell-tale signs of damp will become more visible in your home.

Treating your property for damp now is the best way to make sure your home is prepared and protected.

Holland Damp Proofing is a breath of fresh air that can permanently rid your home of the scourge of damp. No chemicals, no mess and no replastering — your property dries out... and stays dry for good. The idea is simple: draw out the moisture and the damp will disappear!

The Holland Damp Proof System® involves a series of small damp-regulating bricks which neatly fit into specially prepared niches in the external walls of your home, close to the ground.

These cleverly allow air to flow into the brick chambers and out again — circulating airflow through the inside of the wall which evaporates the moisture, drying out the wall and allowing it to breathe.

Holland's no-chemicals system is mess-free, and as the work is completed from the outside, there is no need to replaster. It can be used on most types of wall (including stone) and combines perfectly with cavity wall insulation.

And we are so confident that it works — we'll give you a 20 year guarantee, so you can have total peace of mind. Branches cover all UK mainland.

lolland Damp Proofing

Contact Holland Damp Proofing on freephone 0808 155 2571 or visit www.dampproofing.com

I want to grow

Q my own asparagus as I've heard buying

L

SoLutions

imported spears depletes water resources. Is it easy?

Asparagus can be grown from seed (with some skill), but it's answers easier to buy crowns this spring. Ideally, plant these your gardening questions at least afoot or two apart in a weed-free bed of well-manured soil, Last year, almost everything in carefully avoiding damage to their buds. my garden was eaten by slugs The plants need weeding and watering and snails. What can I do? the firstyear to build strength. The next Start right now and evict them from spring—or better, the one after—you start their hibernation. Tidy up: move cuttingspears. A dozen plants should give every object—especially those in shady, several generous meals before you stop damp corners—looking under, around cutting in June, when you let the spears and behind. Each one you destroy will not breed and will save hundreds coming later. Then, in spring, hidden amongyour plants and buried level with the soil, have half-filled yogurt pots of real beer, milk or fruit juice with a few twigs sticking out. Slugs and snails will climb down and

A

Bob Flowerdew

Q

A

170

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

J EA N- PIE R REPI EUCHO T/ R IS ER/ GE TTY IMAGES; INGRAM PUBLISIHING

drown themselves, while useful ground beetles will escape. Also, put fruit and vegetable peelings under wads of wet newspaper and inspect and evict slugs and snails every few days.

Of course, increasing your wildlife overall thins the snails out—more toads, frogs and birds all help.

become fern to rebuild strength for the nextyear.

Generous feeding and watering early on will improveyield and quality.

And more plants can be sneaked into ornamental areas—their ferny tops and red berries are very pretty.

GARY KSMITH/ GPL/ PHOTOLIB. CO M

n

My front garden ‘14 has a huge privet hedge that fills most of it. If I cut it down, will it die or come back?

Privet (and indeed most common hedges) can be cut back very hard —or down almost to the ground—at this time of year and will bounce back.

Then, if you start trimming regularly,you can maintain it at a smaller size. Shorten the tallest from as soon as shoots spring to make bushier growths, then trim well before it reaches the desired size.

If you want to plant any flowers, first improve the soil—privet will have robbed it. Dig in loads of manure, compost and organic fertiliser, and the ash from the burnt hedge trimmings. » Bob Flowerdew is an organic gardener and a regular on BBC Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time. readersdigest.co.uk

JOBS FOR January Buy seeds, spring planting bulbs, and onion and potato sets now, before your choice becomes reduced to those left last—ie, the least popular!

And whenever the soil is not frozen or waterlogged you can plant fruit trees, bushes and most hardy ornamentals. Better leave evergreens till later, though.

READER'S TIP Struggling for room in your garden?

There are plenty of ways to maximise your space, but one of the simplest comes from Brenda Rainbow in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk.

"I ran out of room to grow my carrots thisyear, so this plastic bag was a bit of an improvisation.

But it worked 11411 perfectly and was very convenient1 could move it around anywhere I wanted to in the garden. I certainly plan togrow other vegetables in it next year." >> Email your gardening tips and ideas—with photos, if possible—to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk.

We'll pay £50 if we use them on this page. ■ 171

BADGER BABIES From the middle of this month, in warm cosy chambers deep underground, the next generation of badgers will start to be born.

Baby badgers come into the world blind and covered with a soft grey down. Their eyes won't open for around two weeks and they will stay with their mum until next autumn, sometimes even longer. It used

to be thought badgers hibernated, but they don't, they just slow down a bit when it's really cold.

Agood snowfall will allow you to see the comings and goings of badgers around the set as they leave their footprints behind. A handy, free guide to animal

OUTDOORS ,<'

!

MIM,M:11MMIM_ '4.1_111014L1

footprints in snow (or mud!) can be found at readersdigest.co.uk/links.

For me, one of the really exciting things about a fresh snowfall is the evidence of wildlife all around us. Why not download the guide, turn detective, and see what you can find around you in the snow? Prepare to be amazed!

NOISY NEIGHBOURS Last January, while walking in the village, I heard the unmistakable hammering sound from the trees of a greater spotted woodpecker "drumming"—one of the first signs that spring is on its way.

The drumming is not simply the bird's beak bashing against a tree. Woodpeckers carefully select a suitable piece of bark, then they experiment with the resonance and will try different rates of impact (between ten and 4o strikes per second) until theyget it right. Modern life has provided woodpeckers with many new ways to increase the volume—they now drum on metal poles, weathervanes and even the loudspeakers of PA systems. Have a look at readersdigest.co.uk/links.

Wildlife

Watch

Martin Hughes-Games on the mysteries of birds, badgers and snails PURPLE REIGN The discovery of Tyrian or royal purple dye was supposedly made by Heracles, (c1220Bc)—or, rather, by his dog, whose mouth was stained from chewing the predatory sea snails Murex brandaris. But you'd need around 12,000 snails to extract just 1.4 grams of dye from their mucus—enough for the hem of your robe. So ANDY SANDS/NATUREPL.COM

to dye an entire cloak meant you were seriously rich.

Eventually, vermilion and then cochineal, both from insects, became cheaper alternatives. You can still buy Tyrian purple dye, but it costs £2,100 per gram8o times more than gold! ■ Martin Hughes-Games is a host of BBC2'sSpringwatch and Autumnwatch 173

TRAVEL

Reader's Digest led to the resolution of a lifetime for lain and Avril Stewart from Fife This may look like a simple photo of a couple on a beach. But our lives changed completely that day. Years earlier, we were given a Reader's Digest DVD showing the wonders of Australia, and one place that caught our attention was Shell Bay (pictured) in Western Australia.

By 2005 we had reached a crossroads in life. I was unemployed; my wife was disillusioned with her job, although staying employed was the safe option. Butthen she resigned and we went to Australia for four weeks.

That September we flew to Perth. We hired Send us a photo of your favourite holiday, tell us briefly what made it so special, and if we include it on this page we'll pay you £75. See address on page 5.

a 4x4 and explored the Swan Valley and the south-west coast, where the settlers first landed. We tasted wines from Margaret River and discovered the delights of Aussie Rules football.

Next, we headed north to find Shell Bay. Dual carriageways became small tarmac roads stretching through the bush towards the flat horizon. Vegetation grew sparser and the distances between the roadhouses (bush service stations) became longer.

From a distance, Shell Bay was not impressive.

The beach was white and brilliant in the sun—but where were the shells?

Then we realised we were

standing on countless billions of tiny white shells, no bigger than the nail on your little finger.

At the water's edge, we could look back at a zo-foot-high bank of shells going inland for a hundred yards. Either side was a gleaming crescent of white stretching for miles, with clear blue water covering yet more acres of shells.

It put the transience of life into sharp focus.

We decided there and then we would try to live in Australia. Although we were too old to emigrate permanently, we were able to get temporary residence for four years. I was offered a job Down Under as a logistics consultant and, in 2006, we boarded another Australia-bound flight to begin the next chapter in our lives.

BridgeV& tc ers as an eight-night Western' Australia fly-drive trip from £1,575 per person ba on two sharing, including return flights from Londo to Perth and nine days' ca hire (020 748

See readersdigest.co.uk/tinks for all travel webtinks

Edited

by Kate Pettifer

3

GREAT ESCAPES

fnr

CATCH THE BLOSSOM EARLY Mallorca's almond groves come into bloom this month, providing a picturesque excuse to escape the British winter.

Mallorca Farmhouses is the specialist in self-catering accommodation in the Balearics. Check out Ponset, a hilltop farmhouse in Cas Concas, which sleeps six—£522 a week will get you three bedrooms, an outdoor pool and incredible countryside views tinged pink by almond flowers (0845 800 8080*).

41P lo -•, 4.7111 .CA ∎ ■ _ .s ,:kgrzt,

TMk -V I"AA, 1,,,/ See the almond blossom in 101A+111 IA 1 1.!ikt ‘"" I t V. "t •11.41k; 1 4 . ' 4t4\ Azsv, Mallorca for just £522 a week •`" 114% AI* a .011).1

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Norwegian Fjords, another to the Canaries in April and a Springtime Iberian Sunshine cruise, leaving on Easter weekend. From £995 (080 o 988 5858*).

OUR TOP FIRESIDE INNS The Mardale Inn at Bampton has a tempting, modern menu and is just off the coastto-coast walking trail in

Cumbria. From £80 a room b&b (01931 713 244*).

• In the Peak District near Belper, the Bear Inn & Hotel has lovely views, cosy nooks and fine food. From £45 a room b&b (£75 at weekends; 01629 822 585*).

• The Halfway Bridge Inn in Lodsworth is on the West Sussex Downs, with six smart rooms and hearty modern fare. From Elio a room b&b (01798 861281*). •

CRUISE FROM HOME If you're considering setting sail thisyear, cut out the plane fare and embark in the UK. A new trend that more and more of the cruise lines are getting on board with is to offer itineraries with UK departure ports. Titan HiTours, for example, gives you four no-fly options, each ten or 11 days—one around the UK, one to the readersdigest.co.uk

WEBSITE of the month bookdirectrooms.com This website for independent accommodation lists around 4,000 properties. It's the variety rather than quantity that won it this month's accolade, however: everything from Blackpool guesthouses starting at £20 a night to luxury London hotels at up to £375. The overview page for each place sets out key stats at a glance, with user-friendly tabs on rooms, photos, reviews and facilities.

175

THE RD CHALLENGE With the new year comes a new set of brain-stretching puzzlers from the high-IQ society Mensa. Allow yourself 20 minutes, take a deep breath and dive in...

On each row place two letters that can be attached to the beginning of the word to the right to form a longer word. When completed, the six added letters joined up will give a word. What is it?

__ AMPLE ABLE RANT 2. Use the clues to complete the similes. The initials of the words are given (for example, "as P as a P" would have the answer "as PRETTY as a PICTURE"). What are the similes?

As T as T - Close friends As S as a B in a R - Cosy As T as 0 B - Resilient 3. Some letters are missing from this alphabet. Arrange the missing letters to give a word. What is it?

ABDEFGHIJKMNQVWXYZ

()1a0J pue snDo;`/(oDap toDop 'S •wdLio ocr6t Aoldinos•E'slooq pp se y2nol se "Bru e u i Snq a se gnus se `sana!ip se 1p!Lpsv - rAisnaisuitiuoi `(INva)Ai `(siev)sn `(31c11042:11 • Sd3MSNV

Answer to December's question Two miles west.

This month's winner: Philippa Phillips from North Walsham, Norfolk

176

4. Clock A was correct at midnight.

From that moment it began to lose one and a half minutes per hour.

The clock stopped three hours ago, showing the time on clock B. What is the correct time now? The clock runs for less than 24 hours.

A

00.00

15.36

ALL QUESTIONS SUPPLIED BY MENSA. FOR FURTHER DETAILS OF MENSA IQ TESTING, VISIT READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/LINKS

NEXT MONTH 5. Place a letter in the centre of the cobweb so that a five-letter word can be arranged from each straight line of letters. The added letter will be the centre letter of each word. What are the four words?

Alex Kingston on supernatural. thrills

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PRIZE QUESTION Send us the answer to this question—the first correct one we pick on December 20 wins £50!* Email excerpts @readersdigest.co.uk Rearrange the letters of

g5

HERO TOLD TO OVERSEE

• E ▪ o

to give the name of a US president. Who is it?

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The answer will be published in the February issue

Amazing pictures of nature's miracle babies

SO HOW DID YOU SCORE?

PLUS Ken Livingstone Stephen Tompkinson Barbara Taylor Bradford

One point for every correct answer 0-1 Snakes & Ladders. Rather basic

ov

2-3 Monopoly. Good, but you didn't get

0 ad

4 Scrabble. Impressively cerebral, but the

a6 t' 5 "6

Welcome to the future!

Discover... an amazing new way of diagnosing health problems... how your working life will change... a new food revolution (literally)

much past Go. triple-word score still eludes you.

5 Chess. Check out Mr Kasparov!

READER'S DIGEST: SMALL, BUT PERFECTLY INFORMED

ILLUSTRATED BY MARTIN O'NEILL; TOMOS BRANGWYN/RETNA UK

177

JANUARY'S BOOKS

THE TREE STORY OF

GAVIN WEIGHTMAN

CHILDREN of LIGHT 110N

A N Wilson hails a vintage month for history and fiction—on both sides of the Atlantic

C/

TITANIC

TENON

CARD MINIGOLF NARKING SLINSNISI ANTI

1 1, 4

AMERICAN

LEGEND

mva

SEVIN COOK

CHILDREN OF LIGHT

TITANIC THOMPSON

by Kevin Cook (Picador, £12.99) Alvin Clarence Thomas (later Thompson) made his living as a professional gambler and wide boy all over early zoth-century America. He got his nickname when one victim declared, "He should be called Titanic, he sinks everybody." (So, actually, he should have been called Iceberg.)

I loved this book. Poker, dice, golf, roulette, it didn't matter—the man 178

TOM FRANKLIN LINDA GRANT

pulled off some hilarious victories. He made $1,000 in 1937 by betting a group of farmers they couldn't guess how many watermelons were on the back of a truck.

His spectacular life story unfolds against the background of the192os and, of course, the Wall Street Crash—and we remember that the whole economy, perhaps the entire American way of life, is based on the values of the hustler and the sharp.

WE HAD IT SO GOOD

by Linda Grant (Virago, £14.99) Grant is a novelist who tells us about our own times. This is the tale of two baby boomers living in London's Islington.

Stephen, born in California, but an Englishman since student days, has become "one of the grey men of the BBC".

Andrea, his wife, is a psychotherapist.

READER'S DIGEST JANUARY '11

M AGALI DELP ORTE

by Gavin Weightman (Atlantic, £25) Many of the best recent histories have concentrated on the fact that technology changes the world far more than political theory does. Weightman's account of the electrification of Britain gives us the full absorbing story—from Michael Faraday's pioneering genius to the EU banning the filament light bulb.

He's especially good on the close links between the fate of the coal industry and British electrical life, and on the characters of the various boffins and inventors. Yet what really gives the book its vivacity is his sense of electricity's impact on ordinary life. Feminism, for example, would not have got far without electric irons, vacuum cleaners and fridges. Very strongly recommended.

We see the past half century through their eyes and those of their children.

(Daughter Marianne's love for a married man, and its painful consequences, are especially well handled).

This is familiar territory—from smoking dope with a man named Clinton in Oxford to the testing of their -196os optimism after 9/11. But, though we have been here before, the material is handled with tremendous brio, wit, warmth and sympathy. It is a book you'll live in—and linger over its beautiful ending with a tear in your eye.

CROOKED LETTER, CROOKED LETTER

by Tom Franklin (Macmillan, £11.99) Franklin has a superb ear for dialogue and a perfect sense of place. Reading this novel, you travel to a remote part of Mississippi where, instead of "Take care", they say "Watch out for gators"; and where bad men put rattlesnakes in one another's mailboxes.

A young woman has gone missing. Larry Ott—a weird loner who lives with his chickens, but subsists on a diet of KFC—is the chief suspect. A girl disappeared mysteriously 2 oyears ago while on a date

RD BOOK CLUB Each month, we invite you to read our recommended paperback and Let us have your comments and marks out of ten. Our professional critic A N Wilson then reads the same book and we report on how your views compare with his.

JANUARY'S CHOICE Pies and Prejudice by our own Stuart Maconie begins with the author's alarming realisation that, despite being from Wigan, he's become the sort of person who keeps his sun-dried tomatoes next to his cappuccino maker (ie, a Southerner). And so he heads back northwards to answer two questions: Does the North-South divide still exist? And if it does, which side is he on now? After travelling around all of northern England's major towns—and quite a few of the minor ones—he comes up with his answers: "Yes, but not in the traditional cliched ways", and "Definitely the North's".

THE VERDICT

Almost everybody this month greatly with Larry, which is why he's been .............. enjoyed the book (the big exception shunned by the small community ..• • to be revealed in a moment). / Cover star Philip ever since. Silas Jones, a black Joe Cushnan of Worksop, for Glenister loves biographies. At the policeman, is drawn to the case example, may have felt that moment he's reading when a vigilante takes the law "in the end I was none the about the "strange, complex" Charles / into his own hands. What unfolds wiser about the supposed Hawtrey is much more than a whodunnit.

••• ........... ••• divide"—but even he couldn't Both men are brought vividly to life, resist "the flow and humour" of and their bleak childhoods and weird Maconie's writing. friendship are the real core of the book's Several of you were also impressed by mystery. An absolutely brilliant novel. the range of his knowledge: his light touch readersdigest.co.uk

179

doesn't prevent him from discussing composer William Walton (from Oldham) and

For more book reviews and

familiar with—and, conversely, makes you want to visit those that you're not. magazine "I really enjoyed this thoroughly entertaining book and can recommend it to anyone who likes funny, well-crafted and articulate writing."

the Peterloo massacre as well as the Beatles and TV's Wheeltappers and Shunters Social Club. Most of you liked his kindly, non-sneering tone.

The firm exception to all this enthusiasm was A N Wilson, who for the first time in RD Book Club history took on the role of the spectre at the feast.

Declaring, perhaps surprisingly, that "some of my best friends are from Wigan", he thought that Maconie "describes a Wigan I do not know"—and found little to enjoy anywhere in the book "from the excruciating title to the end". To prove it, he awarded Pies and Prejudice a distinctly measly 2/10—which should make the next RD contributors' party quite interesting.

The average from everybody else was a much happier 8/10.

Our Critic of the Month is Gordon Rennie from Glasgow, who summed up the general non-Wilson mood like this...

"An affectionate and well-informed journey. Maconie's witty and conversational style makes him an ideal travelling companion, revealing something new and interesting about each town he visits. His love of music, poetry, architecture and sculpture shines through every chapter—while his sharp and funny anecdotes give the reader a greater insight into the people and popular culture of the North.

"What I liked most about the book was the way he makes you look with fresh eyes 180

at places that you're already

to add comments of your own, please go to readersdigest.co.uk/

COMING UP February When Will There Be Good News? by Kate Atkinson (Black Swan, £7.99).

March One Day

by David Nicholls (Hodder, £7.99).

And new for April...

The Mighty Walzer by Howard Jacobson (Vintage, £8.99). Perhaps the best novel by the winner of the 2010 Man Booker prize: a tale of growing up in Jewish Manchester—and of table tennis.

Did the novel feel true to the experience of adolescence?

Did you think it was anti-women?

Please send your comments and marks out of ten by February15. (The One Daydeadline is January is.)

Comments, thoughts and reviews of all kinds and lengths are welcome. Write to RD Book Club, Reader's Digest, 157 Edgware Road, London W2 2HR, or email bookclub@ readersdigest. co.uk.In return, we'll give a £1 o0 book token to the Critic of the Month and publish their verdict—in edited form—here.

Happy reading!

READER'S DIGEST JANUARY '11

BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE Lesley Garrett CBE is Britain's most popular soprano. She has recorded 13 solo CDs, is a regular on ITV's Loose Women and has appeared in the West End in

The Sound of Music and Carousel.

THE SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON

by Johann Wyss

I loved this book as a child. The family were so resourceful and intent on making a good life for themselves—and that determined stock reflected my own

© 2001 S IMON FOWLER

family. My parents worked on the railways, but through hard work they got the qualifications to become teachers and bought their own home. My father ended up a headmaster and my mother head of ‘1/ music. The Swiss Family Robinson had great adventures and their experiences were a metaphor for the hopes I had—I wanted to take off in my own ship of life, travel the world and do exciting things. My parents and this book were my early inspirations.

NOTES FROM A SMALL SOPRANO by Lesley Garrett I wrote this book, but I include it because it really did change me. I had to order my life and reflect on my past. I talked to my readersdigest.co.uk

parents about some painful times in my childhood and, although there were tears, my relationship with them afterwards was better and more honest. I questioned my own actions in love and in my career and, while it wasn't always easy, the process was cathartic. I would encourage everyone who feels restricted by the past to write their experiences down. It helps to resolve things and then you can move forward. All that soul-searching was a truly valuable lesson in life.

THE DICE MAN

by Luke Rhinehart

FEW NOVELS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. THIS ONE WILL

This was a novel that profoundly affected

-THE

DICE

my attitude to life.

Reading about how the protagonist makes decisions based on the casting of dice made me realise I didn't want to limit myself in anyway. I was at the Royal Academy of Music at the time and when my friends were hesitant about certain projects I'd say, "Yes! Do it now!"

Life is about chance, but you can miss opportunities if you're not ready to explore every avenue. I have always tried to be open to what life offers and that's why I've been successful. Luke Rhinehart's brilliant but very dark book was a salutary reminder of what happens if you close too many doors. ■ As told to Caroline Hutton

MAN

Luke hinehart

181

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

*

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mummy," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No," said her mother.

"Well, I think I need to throw up!"

"Then go out of the front door and round to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

After about 6o seconds, the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?"

Mum asked.

"Yes." "How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mummy.

They have a box next to the front door that says, `For the sick.'"

Robert Thompson, Eccleston, Lancashire This young lady came in, very attractive.

Win E/00 for your jokes.

Write to the address on Page 5

/

wAlr•vorwv" mow ivy'

AMAira4 L-f PO, I 4.-"A-r-roo FREE c"coy 0

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SEE A •—ss

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She came up to me and said, "What do you do for a living?" I said, "I'm a comedian." She said, "Go on then, change colour."

Austin Knight, comedian A woman went to the doctor. He told her she was very ill and only had six months left to live.

"Oh my God!" said the

•

vv (WAN/ vv ■-r

TLem,s4 r?ee

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woman. "What shall I do?"

"Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor.

"Why?" asked the woman. "Will that make me live longer?"

"No," replied the doctor, "but it will seem longer." seen on the internet I fancy a half-term for just adults, where we

I ordered 42 bottles of Tipp-Ex the other day. Big mistake seen on the internet 182

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Dads do the funniest things Embarrassing dad antics are surely one of the key elements of a good family holiday. The Dads on Vacation blog showcases a variety of reassuringly cringeworthy moments—it's not just your dad then, after all.

The competitive spirit of a father on holiday knows no bounds

tWhak theme sarong is too much?"

This dad got a little over-excited at the zoo could crowd school buses so none of the kids has anywhere to sit.

Armando lannucci, comedian (by Twitter) If My father could never remember my name. "Frederick!

Sylvia! Sheila!" he would shout. I wouldn't mind, readersdigest.co.uk

but I was an only child.

Ardal O'Hanlon, comedian X I am thinking of taking a train to "Terminates Here". Southeastern Railway seems to run so many trains there.

Paul Foot, comedian (by Twitter)

The police sent me a photo of my car speeding. So I sent them a picture of my cheque Ryan Webber, Cheshire

183

■

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE! When

pays off...

There's a guilty pleasure in overhearing things. The blog celebrates these moments by sharing the funniest conversations from the capital.

Mum: "When you get home, you'll have to put the tooth underyour pillow."

Little girl: "And then the tooth fairy will come and give me a pound?"

Mum: "No honey, she won't—there's a recession."

Overheard by Karin, Chelsea Girl with long, curly, blonde hair, struggling with an umbrella at a train station: "Oh,you b*****d thing! Why won'tyou work? You have to help me fight the frizz!"

Overheard by Nic, Liverpool Street station Dad shouting to young son in a very busy kids' play area: "Sonny... share. Sonny... share. Sonny... SHARE." Overheard by Toby's dad, Science Museum Tube driver: "The next station is Warren Street.

This train will not be stopping at the next station. My mother-in-law lives here."

Overheard by M, Northern line Tube train

.............

Our cover star Philip Glenister's best joke: "I was walking in a park the other day and I was pondering why a frisbee gets larger as it gets / closer to you... And then it hit me" ../ •............ ..".

Pet psychology.

In the mind of the dog: "The humans offer me food, love and shelter. They must be my gods."

In the mind of the cat: "The humans offer me food, love and shelter.

I must be their god." seen on the internet NI A keyring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all of your keys at the same time.

Alan Jacobs, Cheshire

"Are we there, Yeti?"

184

READER'S DIGEST • JANUARY '11

Just had a train run over my feet.

Probably my own fault for wearing platforms Tony Cowards, comedian MI A boy comes home from school and says to his father, "Hey Dad, what's

the capital of China?"

His dad answers, "I don't know, son."

Then the boy asks, "Where was the Magna Carta signed?" But the father doesn't know.

The boy asks, "What year did the Titanic sink?"

He gets the same reply.

Finally, the boy says, "Dad,you don't mind me asking all these questions, do you?"

And the father replies, "No, son. If you don't ask

questions, you won't ever learn anything."

Edmund Kelk, Canterbury One social worker says to another social worker, "Hey, do you know what the time is?"

"Sorry," says the second social worker, "I don't have a watch."

"Never mind," says the first. "The main thing is that we talked about it."

Rick Hendon, Ruthin, Denbighshire ■

Mack—the Life A Lot of comedians will talk about going to the supermarket—I do all my stuff online. A lot of comedians will talk about their sex lives...same problem.

I love that new campaign Subway's got— "We make the sandwich the way you want it!"

I thought, That's very generous ofyou. I'm glad I didn't come when it was the old system.

z

P ETEDADDS

0

Car insurance—how much of a rip-off is this? I rang up for some car insurance the other day, and I said, "How much would it be to insure my car?"

The bloke said, "Do you park it in the street?"

I said, "Yeah, I'm having problems squeezing it into the spare room." He said, "As opposed to a garage." I said, "Yes, I park it in the street." He said, "Is it a well-lit street?" I said, "No, it's a dark street?' He said, "Oh dear, have you got any security on it—any car alarms?" I said "No, nothing." He said, "What area in London do you live in?"

So I told him our address, and he came round and nicked it. el

Comedian Lee Mack. His new DVD Going Out (£19.99) is out now

readersdigest.co.uk

185

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Champion Steaks When Jody Scheckter, the former Formula 1 World Champion retired from racing and business, he achieved his lifelong dream and set up a model organic farm.

Based on biodynamic principles at the turn of the century with modern machinery, he set out to produce the best-tasting healthiest food without compromise. It proved to be a winning formula, and now, ten years later, Laverstoke Park produce is served in some of Britain's top Michelin-starred restaurants.

Best English Speciality Buffalo Fillet Steak

Buffalo Fillet Steak

Best Speciality South East Buffalo Fillet Steak

Champion Selection Box The drive to be 'The Best' is what made Jody Scheckter become a Formula One World Champion in 1979. Now he applies that philosophy to his unique farm in Hampshire, which has become a world-class model of organic and bio-dynamic farming.

Try the extraordinary flavour of Laverstoke produce, with this special selection, exclusive to readers of Reader's Digest with free delivery until 7th February 2011.

This box has been selected to bring you many of our award-winning products and to provide just a taster of the produce Laverstoke Park Farm has become famous for.

Please Note: As a working farm we may very occasionally run short of certain products. Where this occurs we reserve the right to replace listed products with products of the same or higher value.

Your box will contain all these generously sized goodies: 2x Award-winning Buffalo Fillet Steaks (min pack weight 340g) lx Organic French Trim Rack of Lamb (min pack weight 500g) 1 pack 6x Organic Pork Sausages (min pack weight 400g) 4x Buffalo, Mozzarella & Basil Burgers (2 packs min pack weight 228g)

1 pack Nitrate Free Back Bacon (min pack weight 184g) Buffalo Mozzarella - 1pot of 5x25g (min pack weight 125g) Buffalo Mozzarella - 1pot of 1x125g (min pack weight 125g) lx Organic Real Ale (500m1 bottle) lx Organic Real Lager (500m1 bottle)

All for £49.99 including FREE DELIVERY (normally £5.75)

To order your box simply visit www.laverstokepark.co.uk

41P or call our freephone number 0800 334 5505

HOTLINES To advertise in this section please call Taryn Laws on 020 3177 1167

55+? Retired or semi-retired and looking for a change of scene?

Why not rent private retirement property on a life long tenancy which gives you the right to live in the property for as long as you wish?

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If only I could cry I could tell my owner that slitting my nostrils won't help me work harder. That branding me with red-hot irons won't cure my lameness. And that just because I don't cry, it doesn't mean I don't feel pain.

My owner isn't cruel. He is just poor and uses misguided traditional practices which cause me pain. But with your help, Brooke's vet and animal health teams can bring proper veterinary treatment and training to my village, so I won't suffer needlessly again.

f15 could help us reach 2 suffering donkeys in poor communities overseas.

www.thebrooke.org/cry The Brooke, 30 Farringdon Street, London EC4A 4HH

I'll help to ease their pain I enclose a gift of f Title

First Name

(made payable to The Brooke)

Last Name

Address Postcode Email Today's Date Please write your email address above if you would be happy to receive emails from the Brooke about our activities and work with animals overseas you can unsubscribe easily at any time).

I'd like to give by IODPRITSRD ❑ ChequelPO/CAF Voucher made payable to The Brooke OR ❑ Visa/Mastercard/CAFCard/Delta/Maestro (delete as appropriate) Data Protection - We PROMISE not to pass your details on to any other organisation or third party. We would the to keep

Expiry

Valid from

Neesno only) you updated on our work at the Brooke. However, if you would

Issue no (Maestro soy

prefer not to receive these communications, simply write to us at the address shown.

Please complete the form TODAY and send it with your donation to:

FREEPOST RSAL-TRZZ-JBBA, The Brooke/RD, Olympic House, The Birches, East Grinstead RH19 1EH. (This is all you need to put on the envelope for it to reach us.) or call

020 3012 3456

Your gift to the Brooke will be spent reaching working horses and donkeys where the need is greatest.

The Brooke Registered Charity No 1085760

The animal charity that helps people too

c TV T

ANDERSONO W EBB

D igest ixcuiaLri OFFER

Precious Emerald Pearls NECKLACE £29.99 EARRINGS €12.99 FREE p&p These sumptuous pearls evoke all the wonderful rich green hues of the precious emerald in a stunning 18" freshwater cultured pearl necklace.

Each large (8-9mm) pearl nugget is carefully selected for its unique shape and size, then threaded on knotted silk and finished with a solid 925 sterling silver clasp. Team it with matching freshwater pearl earrings with silver fittings at just £12.99 to complete the look.

Reader's Digest exclusive

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This stunning charm bracelet features a hand selected collection of 12 charms. They slide easily on and off the bracelet, so mix and match in any order you please to create your own style.

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Exclusive to Anderson & Webb and presented in smart velvet pouches, this lovely jewellery would make a wonderful Christmas gift.

TO ORDER... CALL: 01634 226781 CODE RDOO1 ONLINE: www.andersonandwebb.com/rdl Cheques made payable to LMS. Send to Reader's Digest Offer. PO Box 23.

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Orders dispatched in 7 days. Free P&P. Return undamaged within 14 days for a full refund.

BEAT THE CARTOONIST WIN £200 AND A SIGNED ILLUSTRATION Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the comedy experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-January alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite and if your entry gets the most votes, you'll receive £200 and the original, signed drawing. Submit your captions to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 5 by January10. You can also enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption.

We'll announce the winner in our March issue.

NOVEMBER'S WINNER A real pasting this month

-

-

for cartoonist Ivor Roberts, whose caption, "Oh dear, there must be a lion around here somewhere,"got

r"'“"

jUSt 2% of the votes.

Winner Andrew Walker from West Bridgford, Nottinghamshire, got 78% with, "These are our demands. A bigger paddling pool or no more filming." But can he draw, too, Ivor? Yes, probably he

can. •

SCOREBOARD READERS 14 CARTOONISTS 8 readersdigest.co.uk

191

As the UK's No.1 for single travellers, our holidays are designed for anyone who wishes to travel by themselves, whether single or not. Our dedicated team has many years' experience and when you travel on our holidays you'll never feel alone, as you'll be accompanied by like-minded people and guided by our friendly, professional Tour Managers.

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