Reader's Digest UK Dec 2015

Contents

DECEMBER 2015

features

14 Reasons to be chee R ful

Former lad James Brown uncovers his softer side

e ntertainment

24 “I D on ’ t th I n K about be I n G a celeb RI t Y”

Mary Berry on why nothing is better than a family dinner

32 “I R e M e M be R”: JIMMY os M on D

The youngest member of the famous family musical group chats health, money and morals

Health

40 unloc KI n G Pa R alY s I s

They kill a person every two seconds, but is a new treatment for strokes a game changer?

Inspire

56 the M an beh I n D

ou R coVe R

How we were inspired by Barry West’s moving life story

58 the onlY ones

We explore what a life without siblings is really like

66 100-W o RD sto RY

co MP et I t I on

Send us your tiny tale for the chance to win £2,000

70 best of b RI t I sh : ch RI st M as sho PPI n G

Forget the standard high street—these destinations make festive shopping a treat travel & a dventure

82 MY secRet VenIce

Join us on an insider’s tour of one of the world’s most popular cities

94 the VIllaGe of alto Gethe R

We visit the heartwarming Greek community in the midst of the refugee crisis

chRIstMas Is coMInG, and the Reader’s Digest team is rapidly getting fat on seasonal food and drink. One of the things that’s whetted our appetites is our chat with cooking legend Mary Berry on p24. Despite her profile, Mary is reassuringly down to earth, preferring a simple family meal to flashy cuisine.

The theme of family is also raised in our feature on p58, which explores the fact that only children are on the rise in austerity Britain. An even more pressing issue is dealt with on p94, an exclusive report on the increasingly desperate refugee crisis. And if you like the look of our front cover, turn to p56 to find out how it was created— it’s a heartwarming tale.

Finally, I’d like to pay tribute to James Brown, whose final column can be read on p14. As James says, “Writing Reasons To Be Cheerful over the last five years has worked—I’m now a lot more cheerful. Thanks for being an appreciative readership.”

Merry Christmas to you all!

tom Browne

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Roll out the tinsel!

’Tis the season to be jolly, and over at readers digest.co.uk we’re decking the halls and wolfing down mince pies.

This month, we’re exploring the evolution of Father Christmas—from Old Saint Nick to Santa Claus. We’ll also be showing you how to make your own festive wreath and stirring up delicious winter warmer drinks. Plus, we’re conjuring up the Ghost of Christmas Past with some vintage articles from the Reader’s Digest archives.

Also, since December is a month for reflection, we’ll be rounding up some of our favourite articles from throughout the year.

Merry Christmas!

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Playing it cool

We love these creative snowmen ideas!

Visit readersdigest. co.uk/christmas for the home of all things festive.

Over to You

LETTERS ON THE OCTOBER ISSUE

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

✯ LETTER OF THE MONTH...

I had to smile when reading “Things That Go Bump in the Night,” where Max Pemberton—who doesn’t believe in ghosts—thought he saw two in a churchyard, but they turned out instead to be art-college students in fancy dress doing a project on death and the occult.

The one thing we’re all a bit afraid of is our own mortality. We don’t like the idea that when you die, that’s it—game over. We want to believe in life after death, and I think part of belief is that the evidence doesn’t have to be very strong to convince us.

LORETTA JENKINS, Clywd

ON THE MONEY

Stuart Maconie talked a lot of sense in “If I Ruled the World”. No more rolling 24-hour news coverage: far too depressing.

Nationalise banks: fat cats would no longer be able to pay themselves ridiculous salaries.

Free train travel: this would mean fewer cars on the road and encourage children to learn more about their own neighbourhood.

He’s a man after my own heart!

CORRINA WILLIAMS, Denbighshire

HEALTH MATTERS

“What You Need To Know About Cholesterol” was an eye-opener.

I was shocked when I found out I had high cholesterol—well over the desirable level of less than 200mg/dl —so I’ve been changing my diet. I’ve lost weight, I’m running again and I feel optimistic that next time I go for a blood test, my cholesterol will be much lower.

I found your article most helpful. Forewarned is forearmed, after all.

VANESSA SMITH, Flintshire

TRAVELLING ENVY

Ben Fogle’s “I Remember” was a great read. I love travelling and I’m envious of Ben’s life—his passport must have many, many stamps in it. I’m quite often told that I’m welltravelled, but I don’t think that’s the case, especially when I regularly meet people that have visited over 100 countries.

I note what Ben said about getting by with sign language when you don’t speak the language. It’s amazing how much this can help you—plus a smile!

CARYS MCCAULEY, London

A BRAINY IDEA

“Guide Dogs For The Brain”, about the charity Brainy Dogs, was a truly inspiring feature. What a wonderful way to bring normality and happiness to people with physical disabilities, help prisoners raise their self-esteem by training and looking after the dogs, and even give stray dogs a new home and a worthwhile existence.

It’s surely a win-win-win situation.

RUTH TUNE, Herefordshire

COMEDY CIRCUIT

I enjoyed reading “Best Of British: Comedy Clubs”. There’s nothing my friends and I like more than visiting an open-mic night at our local

comedy club. While most of the acts have been on the circuit for years, every now and again you come across a brilliant new comedian that you know is destined for big things. To be there at the beginning of their career is very satisfying.

OWEN HOLLIFIELD, Caerphilly

THE PROBLEM WITH NAMES

Janice Rankin is right when she states that “we live in a multicultural, melting-pot society” in “Over To You”. But her letter inadvertently highlights the presumption of some of the politically correct brigade, who think that in order to welcome other cultures, we have to eradicate all trace of our own history.

Mrs J D Holmes (“Over To You”, September) was referring only to herself when she identified her first name as her “Christian” name. I’d like to point out that when I did nurse training some years ago, a nun was admitted and some staff insisted on calling her by her first name—even though she’d given up that personal identity when taking her vows decades before.

Part of being multicultural is respect for the personal boundaries of yourself and others!

B MANSON, London

This visitor of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Canada probably had a queasy feeling when a polar bear knocked at the window of his pick-up truck. The animal seemed to be in search for food and inspected the truck for more than half an hour before it finally climbed into the back of the vehicle. Seconds later, however, the furry heavyweight of about 350 pounds sauntered off—the pick-up driver had apparently not qualified as a meal.

In his final column, former lad James Brown uncovers his softer side at a friend’s celebration

Love, Laughter And Dick Emery

James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: “We can’t concentrate, why should you?”

You can follow James on Twitter

@JamesJames Brown

Matthew and I are stood at h I s wedd I ng recept I on, conspiratorially surveying the village hall. It’s fair to say we don’t look too bad in our crisp white shirts and ties. From the looks of it, most of the guests are used to dressing up—but Matthew generally gets more excited about outdoor wear than suits. He’s just nodded to me across the aisles of excited guests, signalling to meet him at the stage where there’s a massive sign flashing “LOVE” in lights.

The small village hall in Auchencairn looks fantastic. Home-made bunting hangs from the ceiling, white tissue paper pom-poms adorn the walls and at the far end a huge love heart made of greenery is hanging from the wall. The hall is rammed with tables, giving the room a school-dinners noise level.

Look at this,” he says. “It’s amazing. The locals never have their wedding receptions here any more. They go somewhere fancy. Even the vicar rarely does wedding ceremonies now.”

It’s so rare that the vicar’s own wife and child have come along to observe the ceremony and—like the rest of us—they aren’t disappointed. The Rev Emery is so funny and warm that it’s totally believable to the other guests when I told them later that his dad was the famous Seventies TV comedian Dick Emery. (Now I’ll admit this isn’t strictly true, but why let an opportunity like that slip by?)

the weather has held, the bride looks delighted, there have been no hitches at all and we’re all in a big bubble of Lily-White romance. So it’s an amusing surprise when Matthew, still smiling, lifts the sheaf of papers

with his speech on and mutters, “This could go either way.”

Still smiling at my own gorgeous girlfriend, who’s raising her camera at us across the seated guests’ heads, I turn my head slightly and ask him

Illust R at I on by Danny a ll I son

why. If there are any lip readers in the house, even they’re going to struggle to decipher the conversation through our grins.

“Well, the first thing I do in my speech is take the mickey out of Zara’s parents, and I’m not sure how that’s going to go down,” he says.

“Just give it a go and see how it plays out,” I suggest, marvelling at his ability to retain his sense of humour in the face of everyone else’s high expectations.

When the wedding party arrived on the Solway Coast two days before, a sea mist had reduced visibility to five feet and the only thing you could see was heavy rain bouncing up as high as your knees.

Naturally, this hadn’t been too well received. Thankfully, the fog rolled away and the rain stopped, and a bunch of them had set about adding a thousand little touches to the hall: place settings made from tiny slices of wood with our names handwritten on them, smaller ones with “Just Married”, hand-made signs guiding us round the village for drinks and a tree planting, and small boxes with amazing homemade Tunnocks Tea Cake-style brownies in them.

crafting, and this was the greatest creative challenge yet for her and her mum and her friends. I’m not exactly a subscriber to weddings magazines, but even I was impressed with the care and detail.

but the h I ghl I ght for M e was always going to be the speeches— so to find out Matthew was going in all guns blazing from the start really made me laugh.

Then came the groom’s moment, and it was probably better than half the comedy shows at the Edinburgh Festival

Normally the best man or the father of the bride does the mickeytaking. As it was, the father of the bride set a brilliant standard with a speech illustrated by huge picture cards. He looked just like Bob Dylan in the old blackand-white video for the 1965 hit “Subterranean Homesick Blues”.

He was followed by Matt’s brother, who delivered a heartfelt reminiscence of how the two boys had holidayed regularly in this Scottish village as kids, some distance from their own hometown of Wigan.

The bride, Zara, is a queen of

Then came the groom’s moment… and it was probably better than half the comedy shows at the Edinburgh Festival. As well as giving his mum and mother-in-law flowers, every single point ended with a massive

laugh line. No one was spared, including himself. The room was in uproar and there’s no better way to be reminded of why you like someone than to see them reducing 70 people to tears.

The best man had to follow it and it was a forbidding task, but focusing on Matt’s never-ending enthusiasm

for anything from a cheap bottle of wine to a baked potato, he captured the essence of why the couple are so popular with everyone they know.

My girlfriend turned to me, wiping her eyes and said, “You just know these two will never, ever split up.”

And she’s right. Now there’s a reason to be cheerful.

WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK?

an illuminating thread on Reddit.com reveals just how tourists view the uK and its people. here are some of the choice opinions:

“Everyone is seriously terrified of wasps and will run around flailing their hands, wildly screaming in an attempt to anger the wasp.”

“Went during summer, and everyone stood on the streets with their alcohol—no one is actually in the bar.”

“There was so much curry!”

“It took me a while getting used to being asked, ‘you alright?’ ”

“When it rains, nobody actually cares about carrying an umbrella and they just continue to walk as if nothing happens.”

“People actually go bonkers about sun coming out. In my own country, people who go on walks at three in the afternoon are either construction workers or wanting to be burned to death.”

“Beggars are so polite. For example:

Beggar: ‘Sorry to bother you, Sir—do you happen to have a spare 20p?’

Me: ‘Sorry mate, I don’t.’

Beggar: ‘Not to worry—thanks anyway and have a nice day.’

What the hell! I was really taken aback by this and then felt a bit guilty walking through the town.”

“I Don’t Think About Being a Celebrity”

She’s instantly recognisable to millions across Britain—but for this celebrated cook, nothing hits the spot more than a good family meal at home…

By fiona hicks

m ary Berry is extolling the B enefits of an aga . “It’s the heart of the home,” she enthuses. “It’s such a comforting thing. This morning was very cold—if I hadn’t come into the kitchen with my AGA, I would have done a bit of shivering.”

Sixteen years after Mary Berry’s New AGA Cookbook, Mary has completed “one of the things I really wanted to achieve” by writing an updated version of the celebrated tome. “We’ve done lots of new recipes because people’s tastes change,” she explains. “We’ve also got many more different ingredients. When I wrote the original, nobody knew what a butternut squash was. And now we all love it, don’t we?”

Mary’s enthusiasm makes an ordinary list of ingredients sound like poetry. Cookery is, quite simply, her life’s passion. “I just love family cooking. I like to use local ingredients and I like to use ingredients in season and I like to prepare ahead.”

I tentatively suggest that the iconic AGA harks back to an era when people took time over their cooking, whereas now we live in more of a microwave culture. But Mary has no truck with this. “If you’ve got an AGA, you don’t need to put any effort in because it’s always on.”

Her book—which, she points out, can be used for normal ovens too— is a compendium of simple yet impressive dishes, such as buckwheat pancakes, smoked haddock gratin and classic Swiss roll. Controversially, for a presenter of The Great British Bake Off, she reveals, “I prefer savoury

to sweet. I like warming and snacky things—toasted sandwiches, pizzas with very little bottom and an awful lot of top, watercress and celery soup. I focus a lot on the main dishes.”

Having written over 70 cookery books, she’s spent decades creating delicious dishes. How on earth does she maintain such a slight form? “That’s discipline,” she says. “I could easily eat more than I do, but I don’t really like the consequences. If you keep yourself fit and trim, you can enjoy life much more.”

Ever the cook, she pauses briefly before adding, “I always think of bags of sugar. If you put three kilo bags of sugar on, you’re carrying those about and there’s no need.”

She’s keen to impress that she feels fortunate to have a family for whom to prepare meals, but if it’s just her, “I’ll most likely have potted shrimps on toast or something like that. I have proper meals with all the family and

“I could easily eat more than I do, but I don’t really like the consequences”

if they’re not here, it’s an excuse to have something light.”

The 80-year-old seems such an embodiment of capable domesticity that it’s easy to forget her reputation comes from years of professional hard graft. Self-admittedly “hopeless” by academic standards, after school she went to study at Bath College of Domestic Science and then at the

Paris Le Cordon Bleu. It’s surprising to hear that she didn’t enjoy the latter.

“The original Le Cordon Bleu wasn’t a patch on what it is today,” she states.

“Now it’s a really big school with great standards, but when I was there that wasn’t so. I didn’t like Paris at all. I stuck it out, but it wasn’t the highlight of my time.”

Subsequently, however, she racked

“Once you find a track you want to follow, you really work at it”

up a great breadth of experience. “I worked in a fishmongers, in a butchers, I worked at London Airport making canapés…I know what I’m doing,” she says matter-of-factly.

Mary’s focus on her career meant that she didn’t marry until the age of 31. “It was very late at the time. But now people do that, don’t they?” She and her husband Paul, a retired antiquarianbooks seller, have been married for almost 50 years. He’s wholly unfazed by his wife’s celebrity status. “Oh, he doesn’t notice too much,” she says.

“He simply asks, ‘Are you in today or are you out today?’ and that’s it.”

I suggest that they clearly have a strong partnership, “We respect each other,” she says, by way of explanation. “I’m exceedingly busy right now and my husband totally understands. You’ve got to have trust and understanding. And when we’re together, we enjoy it even more.”

It’s evident that Mary’s family life is hugely important to her. “I’m very proud of my family—all united, happily married with grandchildren and so forth.” Her cooking is, of course, integral to the fabric of their life. “I’m very keen on the family getting together around the table because you learn so much of what’s going on. With a full tummy, they begin to talk to you. People now have busy lives, but once or twice a week it’s lovely to sit all around together. I’ve kept that going throughout my family life.”

Mary has two grown-up children, Thomas and Annabel. A third child, William, tragically died at the age of 19 in a car accident. One never recovers from such a loss, but Mary says that the harrowing experience developed a strong outlook. “You stay positive. I always think when I wake in the morning that I’m delighted to get up.” This attitude has contributed

to her enormous drive. “Once you find a track that you want to follow, you really work at it. I love teaching, whether it’s through books, TV or demonstrations. If you can enthuse other people to do what you enjoy, it’s hugely rewarding.”

As for her fame, she’s refreshingly unaffected. “I don’t even think about being a celebrity,” she states. “People are immensely nice. They’ll tap me on the shoulder and say, ‘Oh, I make your pear frangipane,’ or, ‘I always do your lemon drizzle cake.’ I don’t think they’ve got anything nasty to say about me because I’m not made that way.”

It’s this candour—coupled with her lack of starriness—that contributes to her immense charm. “I’ve stayed with my family, I’ve lived in the same village for 40 years and I’ve always had the same work attitude,” she says. She also emphasises her normalcy by calling herself a cook rather than a chef. “I don’t use as many ingredients as chefs, and they often have sous chefs to prepare the vegetables. My cupboard and larder are limited, like

everybody else’s. Everything I use, I use again. I try to do recipes that everybody can do, and I put in every detail so that they get success.”

With many B ooks, TV series and even an AGA cookery school under her apron, Mary admits, “I don’t think there’s anything else I’d like to achieve. I say no to a lot of things, and I do all the things I want to do.” The only thing she would like, it seems, is more moments with her family. “I’d perhaps like to be a better grandmother and a better mother getting more involved with my family, which I haven’t had time to do.”

Busy as ever, Mary’s ready to dash to her next appointment. Before she goes, there’s one more question: does she ever not feel like cooking?

“Yes, but I usually have something in the freezer that I can pop in the AGA.” Practical and always prepared —that’s Mary to a T.

The Complete Aga Cookbook by mary Berry and Lucy young is out now

three things yo U don ’ t need to kno W...

...but are nevertheless fascinating:

1) there are more chickens than people in the world.

2) the longest one-syllable english word is “screeched”.

3) peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

SOURCE: POPHANGOVER.COM

Keep your money safe by staying a step ahead of the fraudsters

Be Scam Aware

ALMOST THREE-QUARTERS of people aged over 55 worry about scams, according to a recent survey by Santander*, with 1 in 5 admitting to having fallen victim to a scam. This just goes to show the extent of the problem. And it’s on the increase. For example, changes in pension regulations in April this year, enabling people to take lump sums out of their pots, open up new opportunities for fraudsters looking to take advantage of those with large sums of money to invest.

Some of the most common types of scam happen over the telephone: a quarter of the over-55s questioned had fallen victim to such scams, while more than a third had been called in the past 12 months by someone trying to defraud them.*

WHEN THE PHONE RINGS

UNEXPECTEDLY… be on the lookout for these common scams:

1A request for you to transfer funds immediately. The caller may claim to be from your bank, and the phone number may even look genuine, a technique called spoofing. They will warn you that your account is at imminent risk from fraudulent activity and pressure you to transfer funds immediately to a so-called “safe” account. In reality, this is the fraudster’s account.

2

A request for you to withdraw cash. Posing as a police officer or other official, the caller will try to persuade you to help with a police investigation by going to your bank to withdraw money, instructing you not to tell bank staff the true reason. The fraudster will then collect and make off with the cash.

3

A request to give your PIN. The caller pretends to be from your bank and tries to persuade you to enter your PIN on the phone keypad, saying a courier will collect your card. A spoof phone number makes it appear perfectly genuine. Once the fraudster has your card, your account is emptied using your PIN.

Be aware also of buying scams online that involve transferring funds to secure an item, whereupon seller and listing vanish, leaving you minus the item and your money; selling scams where the buyer could be a fraudster whose cheque bounces; mass market fraud that involves contact by email, letter or phone with a false promise of a prize draw, lottery win or inheritance gain; romance scams where you’ll receive requests to send money, and fraudulent pension liberation schemes that may be linked to other dicey plans carrying tax implications, large fees and inflated returns. To be sure, always check that the company is registered with the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA).

■ For more information on scams and how to stay safe, visit Santander’s security centre at www.santander.co.uk/uk/help-support/securitycentre. Or pick up a leaflet at one of our branches

*Survey conducted on behalf of Santander by Opinion Matters (October 2015) interviewed 1,000 UK adults aged 55 and over.

TOP TIPS TO PROTECT YOUR MONEY

ecurity details: never give these out in full.

lways check that a caller is genuine; don’t rely on the caller ID number to identify your caller. This can be spoofed to look genuine. Hang up, wait 5 minutes and call back or ask for advice from a family member.

unds: never transfer money out of your account for so-called “security reasons”.

mails: never reply to these with your personal or security information.

emember: always let your bank know when your contact details change.

Jimmy Osmond, 52, is the youngest member of the famous musical family The Osmonds. Having worked in showbiz since the age of five, he’s overcome financial setbacks and a stroke—and continues to perform today

“I Remember” Jimmy Osmond

…growing up working nonstop. We pushed ourselves and we fought every week to stay on TV. But the things that mattered to me were the family times, and I can remember just playing together and trying to have fun while doing all of this work.

…A pl Ace in Huntsville, u tAH, t HAt wA s on A l A ke. It was just a little house, but it was my favourite place. We had a pond in the back and my brothers Donny, Jay and I would go out and catch these frogs, sneak them into the house and get in a bunch of trouble.

We would do all the things that normal kids do and yet we also had this crazy work schedule. But we always seemed to find fun and my cup was always pretty full when it came to feeling loved and validated.

…being proud of w HAt my brotHers did and wanting to be a part of it so badly. I didn’t really know where I fitted in, even though I’d come out and do my little number, whatever it was.

I think that attitude really helped me in later life—I didn’t want to be the star of anything, I just wanted to be a part of it.

Jimmy is the youngest of nine children. “I didn’t really know where I fitted in”

…we HAd tHis tHing c Alled “fA mily nig H t” that we used to do—we still have it in my family— where once a week we’d just get together and work on a programme for the rest of the day. That family night started as learning how to harmonise, how to play instruments, how to develop our talents and it just kind of fell together.

My two older brothers were born deaf and were never really much a part of what we did because of their

situation. My mum was told never to have any more kids—boy, am I glad she didn’t listen! Singing barbershop was a way to raise money to buy them hearing aids.

…my fAt H er wA s A re Ally HArd worker. He had three jobs: as a taxi driver, a mailman and selling real estate and insurance. He always provided well, but when you have nine kids it takes a lot. Those early days were very tight and then when I came along, we already had a career path even though we didn’t have a lot of money.

…my gr A ndpA recorded one of t H e bA rbers H op perform A nces my brothers did and he sent it to a guy in California

Above: the Osmond siblings; (bottom right) Jimmy with father George

The brothers were first spotted while performing in Disneyland

called Lawrence Welk, who granted the brothers an audition. So everybody hopped in the car and drove 20 hours to California. My mum dressed everybody alike and my brothers went into the audition, but the guy wouldn’t see them even after going that far. So my dad took everyone to Disneyland instead.

The brothers were still dressed up for the audition and they started singing on the street in Disneyland. It created such a stir that they were taken to Walt Disney himself, who fell in love with my family.

I started working in Disneyland at five years old. It was so fun because they’d give us these booklets of tickets and no one would want the kiddie rides. So I’d always go on Dumbo. That’s all I was worried about—I wasn’t worried about performing, I just wanted to know when I’d get a break to go on Dumbo again.

…touring JA pA n wit H Andy w illi A ms. We’d sing backgrounds on his hit records and the head of Sony said to my parents, “Wouldn’t

I recorded and had my first hit record, which was also the first in the family. I do like to rub that in!

it be cool if your kid”—meaning me— “was able to sing in Japanese?” My parents didn’t know the word “no” and said, “Sure, he can do that.”

So I recorded and had my first hit record, which was also the first in the family. I do like to rub that in! I was five years old and was number one. It was called “My Little Darling” and it was all phonetic.

…going to public sc H ool. My mum and dad wanted me to have some sense of normalcy. At the time we were on TV every week, so there was quite a bit of jealousy— as you can imagine with that much exposure. I actually had a kid come at me with a switchblade in school. I never went back.

…i wA s A round so m A ny cre Ative people growing up in Disneyland, on the sets of Warner Brothers, NBC, ABC and so on. I used to work with the Sherman Brothers, who wrote everything from Winnie the Pooh through to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang—those were the people in my life. I was schooled by people who were the best in our industry, in all aspects and different skill sets in show business.

…All our money wAs pooled togetHer. My brothers never had their own thing going; it was always the team effort of the group. I kind of broke that mould and started a company where I’d put our faces on badges and sell them at concerts. It made me quite a bit of money and I ended up doing lots of artists, not just me or people I knew in show business. It [led to] me running an ad agency when I was 15—I had a staff of ten people. I used to have the main guy pick me up at my house because I couldn’t drive to work.

We didn’t fit the mould of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. I’m a red-blooded American boy and the things offered were crazy

…t H ere wA s A H uge pA rty we were supposed to go to with a big artist, and they were having drugs there. I remember Frank Sinatra calling my parents and saying, “I don’t want you guys to be at that party.” He knew what we stood for.

Jimmy as a music- loving youth

I think that when you let people know what you stand for, they respect you for it. We didn’t fit the mould of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. I’m a red-blooded American boy and the things that were offered to me were crazy. I was just so grateful that I had a code to live by and really that was more freeing than succumbing to what was offered. I like that saying, “If you don’t stand for something, you fall for anything.”

…A lot of my peers ended up getting involved in t H e drug scene. Look at child stars— it doesn’t always play out well. But I was always open to whatever God put on my plate. I found great selfesteem in trying different things. When you’re flavour of the month you can do no wrong, but when the lights turn off, your self-esteem is gauged on whether people like you or not. I learned to appreciate the fact that there was a lot more to Jimmy Osmond than just being some silly child star. I had all those emotions of being on that roller coaster—from having number one records to being mocked as the chubby little kid that developed—to continuing the path and achieving things that I never thought were possible. …we lost A bout £50m A nd everyone wA s in A bit of A frenzy. We were this little family nucleus who could do anything and

now we were faced with hardship. Everyone went back to the basics, started performing and doing any jobs they could find. I was 16 years old and went down to California to go on every audition I could. I ended up doing Love Boat, which was fun. I was offered quite a few opportunities that were against who I was as a person. We grew up Latter-Day Saints Mormons and Christians—there are certain things you just can’t do.

…A ppreci Ating t H e vA lue of money. Going through that made me appreciate how my father taught

“I was schooled by people who were the best in our industry”

me to work hard. It gave me the confidence that no matter what happens, I have it in me to make it and to provide for my family. That was such a cool, eye-opening experience. I didn’t need the family business and I didn’t need the Osmond name.

…

HAving A stroke in 2004. I had Jimmy Osmond’s American Jukebox Theatre and was doing six shows a week for ten months a year.

I was working super hard, then all of a sudden I was on stage with the feeling of lightning bolts between my eyes. My vision just went—it was so blurry I couldn’t see anything. I thought it was a passing migraine, but it was actually a little stroke.

They found a hole in my heart and ended up doing a PFO closure, which is now pretty routine, but at the time I was very lucky. I had to undergo this new surgery and it scared me.

I looked at my cute little kids and thought, What’s going to happen to them? At that point I realised it’s important for your kids to see you work, but it’s important for them to enjoy life with you too. Spend as much time with them as you can. When we play, we play hard.

…my mum stArting A cHArity inspired by my brot H ers. It was called the Osmond Foundation and is now The Children’s Miracle Network. It became one of the top charities in the US and Canada, it’s raised £3bn for kids and it all started as a hearing fund.

I never really “got it” until my daughter was in an ambulance being run to the children’s hospital. In that moment, as a daddy, you’d give up anything to help them. The very piece of equipment that was saving her life had our little logo on it and I thought, Thank God. My mum started it with such a pure heart, as something that was bigger than her. That it was the

Still going strong: (from left) Jay, Jimmy and Merrill in concert

Jimmy with wife Michelle, daughters Sophia and Bella, and sons Zak and Wyatt

organisation that ended up saving my little girl’s life...it’s one of those moments where the hairs on the back of your neck stick up.

…receiving A n H onor A ry degree, which is kind of cool, and going through the process of my life being reviewed. I kind of felt like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz. Finally, somebody gave me the paper that said I was smart enough to do it.

a breath a little bit more. I have a beautiful family—four amazing kids, a wonderful wife and a puppy dog that I love. And that’s all that matters.

As told to Joy Persaud

…sometimes, growing up, i never knew if i m Attered to tHe fAmily, if I was an intrinsic piece or not. Now, I realise that maybe I was. So I’m learning to take

the Osmonds will be starring in andy Williams’ Christmas spectacular in venues across the UK this month. Visit tdpromo. com for details.

m U m g O t a smart PHO ne ...

...and it’s not a match made in heaven, as these tweets reveal:

“She has no idea how to use it. She sent me the same text seven times, and a picture of her lap.”

“she’s afraid she’s going to scratch the screen, so she keeps it wrapped in a paper towel.”

“Now she’s Googling everything! Went to her search history and found, ‘What is water?’ ”

SOURCE: BUZZFEED.COM

Someone has a stroke every two seconds, but there’s a new bold new treatment that saves time—and lives

Unlocking Paralysis

BY LISA FITTERMAN

MACY MILLS LIES ON A STRETCHER in the A&E department of Toronto Western Hospital, paralysed as doctors and nurses hover above her. The 38-year-old triathlete and mother of three, who gave birth to her youngest child only five months ago, knows she’s had a stroke.

She remembers a dull headache that suddenly turned into a drill burrowing into one spot in her brain, sharp, hot and insistent. She was driving to her older children’s school to volunteer at their sports day. Overcome by pain and numb along her left side, instinct helped her lurch the car into a parking space and, after her mobile phone dropped to the floor, lean on the horn for help.

For Macy Mills, “Mr Clean” was available just in time

Now, no more than an hour later, a scan has shown that, like the majority of strokes, hers was “ischemic”: a clot is blocking the arterial flow of blood to her brain. It’s a large one on the right side, which is why the left side of her body is affected.

Neuroradiologist Dr Richard Farb asks her husband to sign consent forms for a procedure that hasn’t yet been tested in Canada. Officially called an endovascular thrombectomy with a “stent retriever”—a tiny wire mesh tube with an opening on one end—its first trials in Germany and Switzerland have proved promising. Its nickname, “Mr Clean”, sums up its ability to clean an artery out in 40 minutes or less.

What choice do I have? Macy thinks.

She tries to nod and say, “Do what you have to.” The words come out muffled, as if she’s speaking under water.

Within minutes of a local anesthetic taking effect, she feels Dr Farb puncturing a tiny hole in the femoral artery near her groin. He then uses radiographic imaging on a nearby screen to carefully thread a catheter that contains the stent up through her vascular system to the artery that feeds her brain.

At the opening of the artery, the catheter is retracted and Macy feels some pressure, as if someone is pinching her brain. It’s the stent, which has opened to envelop and trap the clot within the mesh.

“When is this going to be over?”

Macy asks.

But it already is. Dr Farb gently pulls the stent containing the clot out the same way it went in. From start to finish, the entire operation lasted less than two hours.

“Try to move,” he says.

She lightly flexes the fingers of her left hand, which three hours ago couldn’t hold onto her mobile.

Soon she’s pumping breast milk in the intensive care unit, griping about the lack of a TV and feeling very, very lucky.

It is June 15, 2011. Three years and five months later, the Canadian “Mr. Clean” trial, which involved 316 patients, ends early because it’s clear it’s already a success.

The procedure has been approved since 2011 in Europe and North America as a last-ditch procedure for stroke victims when others don’t work, and as a first procedure since late last year in both North American and European hospitals that have stroke-designated facilities. It has doubled the survival rate, with just one patient death in every ten. And the survivors are picking up their lives where they left off.

Dr Timo Krings, the bespectacled and unassuming head of neuroradiology at Toronto Western Hospital, Canada, puts it this way: “Before, surgical stroke treatment was a gamble. Anything we tried took at least two hours. Now, on the

operating-room table, we can see patients starting to speak again and move their limbs. And it’s fast. We’ve done one surgery in 14 minutes.

“I don’t say this lightly,” he says. “Mr Clean is a game changer.”

EVERY TWO SECONDS, statistics show that someone, somewhere, is having a stroke. Many may not realise it. They may feel dizzy for a few seconds or lose track of what they were saying, but then they feel better.

But consider the number of stroke victims left paralyzed or unable to speak. Of the estimated 15 million people worldwide who suffer a stroke each year, about five million die and six million are left permanently disabled. The number of deaths from Aids, tuberculosis and malaria combined totals about 3.5 million, much less than the stroke death rate.

albeit in a limited number of cases because it must be administered no more than four and a half hours after a stroke occurs and can take hours to work. Surgeons have tried other devices as alternatives or complements—anything that could open a vessel more quickly and get rid of the blockage. They looked familiar, like a chimney-sweep brush in miniature and a tiny butterfly net.

When he pulled out the stent, the clot came with it—intact

“It got to the point that at an international conference six years ago, a new catch device was presented at every lecture in the stroke session,” Krings recalls. “I was moderating and at the end, I said, ‘If any of you were right, we’d have only one.’ ”

So it’s no surprise that the mantra in the stroke universe is “Time is brain”—neuro shorthand to remind specialists that in each minute after a stroke occurs, the brain will lose 1.9 million neurons, 14 billion synapses and seven miles worth of axonal fibres if they were strung out in a line.

Ever since the drug tPA, or tissue plasminogen activator, was introduced in the mid-1990s as a clot-buster, it’s been the stroke treatment of choice,

Around that same time, German neuroradiologist Hans Henkes was working on a patient who had had a stroke that left a clot in her middle cerebral artery. He decided to use a device he’d co-developed for the stent-assisted coil treatment of an aneurysm. When he pulled out the stent that was keeping the artery open as he operated, the clot came with it, intact.

At a conference soon after, Henkes mentioned it to some colleagues, who agreed it was promising. So began a trial in Europe, with Vitor Mendes Pereira, then the head of interventional radiology at the University of Geneva,

as one of the principal investigators. They learned they needed a vessel that was at least two millimetres wide within which to work and that it wasn’t effective on hemorrhagic strokes, or “bleeders”.

And while they initially thought they had a short time window to clean a vessel out, they have since learned that each case depends on the quality and duration of the “collaterals”, where the brain compensates for a blocked vessel by finding a detour for the blood to flow. It can last minutes, or hours, or even a day.

taking to regulate a mechanical valve in her heart. It took 40 minutes to remove the clot and she began to speak on the operating room table. The next day, she was breastfeeding her infant.

Mr Clean can mean the difference between life, paralysis or death

“We were pioneers and a lot of people— neurologists and more conservative neurosurgeons— were rather sceptical,” Pereira recalls. He’s sitting in his office at Toronto Western after moving here in August last year. “But the results spoke for themselves.”

Pereira’s first patient, for example, was flown in from a French hospital in the Alps—a new mum who had a stroke a few hours earlier after giving birth because while in labour, she’d had to reduce medication she was

WOLFGANG KAHNKE, a retired toolmaker, recalls being cranky last October as he drove the 60-odd miles from his home in Kitchener to Toronto Western for his appointment with the surgeon who’d replaced his knee two years earlier. For the 72year-old grandfather of two, it was

SIGNS OF STROKE MAY INCLUDE…

n Sudden weakness and/or numbness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body.

n Sudden trouble speaking and confusion.

n Sudden vision problems.

n Sudden severe or unusual headaches.

n Sudden loss of balance or dizziness.

n Sudden droopiness in the face.

If you have any of these signs, call 999 straight away.

a check-up, nothing more, and he arrived several hours early, hoping he could somehow be fitted in. After all, he had a date with his wife Karin at an Oktoberfest dinner that night.

As he waited for the surgeon in the examination room, he felt something humming in his head, not painful, exactly, but uncomfortable.

Walk it off, he told himself.

But he couldn’t move.

When an emergency CT scan showed a large clot blocking the main artery right at the back of his neck, Kahnke was taken to the operating room within the hour.

The next day, he took a shower completely unaided. As the water sluiced over him, he thought, I’ve never felt so alive. Then he shivered at how close he’d come.

Mr Clean, his doctors said, was the difference between him dying or being paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life. For Kahnke, it

meant being able to play Santa Claus last Christmas for the children of employees at his former company.

“I make a pretty good Santa,” he says, pointing to his white hair and his beard. “Only I’m not so big!”

FOR MACY MILLS, now 43 and a private banker, the only visible reminders of her stroke are the three pills she takes every evening: a beta blocker, an ACE inhibitor and a blood thinner. These drugs were prescribed when tests showed that the apex of her heart is composed of scar tissue where blood can pool, increasing the risk of clots forming. Mills also now has an internal defibrillator, the result of having suffered a cardiac arrest this past May. Slim, fit and driven, the former triathlete chafes at not being able to run a seven-minute mile any more. But she’s grateful that, thanks to Mr Clean, she’s able to be there for her family.

FUN FESTIVE FACTS

Think you’ve heard all there is to know about Christmas? You’d be surprised.

Scientists have calculated that Father Christmas would have to visit 822 homes a second to deliver all the world’s presents on Christmas Eve.

In the Czech Republic, the number of people at Christmas dinner must be even—or it’s believed the one without a partner will die the following year.

In the UK, a snowflake has fallen on Christmas Day 38 times in the last 52 years, which means a “White Christmas” is statistically likely.

SOURCES: MIRROR.CO.UK & METOFFICE.GOV.UK

How To Beat The Christmas Bloat

BY SUSANNAH HICKLING

Susannah is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

NEVER LIKED BRUSSELS SPROUTS? We’ve found another good reason for leaving them on the side of your plate this Christmas—they make you feel bloated. And they’re only one of very many culprits, which include broccoli, cauliflower, lentils and kidney beans. Even apples, pears, milk, onions and wheat are in the frame. Obviously you can’t cut everything out of your diet, so how to ditch the distended stomach and embarrassing wind that comes with all that excess gas?

DO

■ Stay regular. Eat soluble fibre, such as porridge, at breakfast.

■ Eat slowly. Sit down to enjoy meals and chew food thoroughly to avoid swallowing air.

■ Exercise. Thirty minutes of moderate activity every day will help food move through your digestive tract.

■ Manage stress. Yes, stress and worry can affect our digestive system, and there’s usually plenty of that going around during the busy festive season.

■ Watch what you drink. Both alcohol and caffeine can relax the muscle between the oesophagus and the stomach, which can let in air. Booze also causes spasms in the small intestine that can lead to bloating. Carbonated drinks are in the sin bin too—they can make you swallow air.

DON’T

■ Chew gum. If you suffer from bloating, be warned that chewing gum will cause you to swallow air that then moves through the entire digestive tract.

■ Eat dairy products containing lactose. Lactose is the naturally occurring sugar found at high levels in milk, butter and ice cream. People who are lactose intolerant lack sufficient enzymes to digest this sugar. The result? It ends up in the large intestine where it causes gas and bloating. If symptoms clear within 48 hours after eliminating lactose, then that’s likely to be the cause.

■ Eat too many raw veg. Avoid notorious gasproducers such as broccoli and sprouts. Peel off skins whenever possible and steam vegetables.

■ Snack all day. You need to give your body a break so that it can digest food. Ideally, you should leave at least two hours between snacks and meals.

3 FAST FACTS ABOUT WIND

Did you know?

1. It’s considered normal to break wind up to 15 times a day.

2. Sucking a pen top can make you fart. This is because you’ll swallow air in at the same time.

3. Flatulence can be a side effect of certain medicines, including ibuprofen and statins.

MEN’S HEALTH: GETTING TO THE HEART OF HEARTBURN

Men are twice as likely as women to be diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, and incidence has increased by 50 per cent in 30 years, according to the latest statistics from Cancer Research UK. But did you know that heartburn over many years can lead to a condition called Barrett’s oesophagus, which is a risk factor for this kind of cancer?

But the good news is that 90 per cent of oesophageal cancer cases are preventable. Here’s how to relieve your heartburn—and cut your chances of cancer:

1. Stop smoking.

2. Cut down on alcohol.

3. Eat a balanced diet and lose weight if necessary.

4. Eat smaller meals at regular intervals.

5. Don’t eat late at night. Your last meal of the day should be at least three hours before bedtime.

Not A Dry Eye In The House

Many of us know all about that dry, gritty or itchy sensation in our eyes, especially when we’re tired. Yet, weirdly, one of the symptoms of dry eyes is excessive watering. This happens when dry spots at the front of the eye cause reflex tears, but it can mean that some people don’t realise they’ve got a problem.

Cold weather and central heating can aggravate dry eyes, but a new online survey from pharmaceutical company Scope Ophthalmics highlights a few of the naughty habits that can cause them. Top of the list is not resting eyes regularly when using digital screens, followed by using a computer for more than six hours a day and watching television in the dark. Twelve per cent of us use our smartphone or tablet in bed, which is another no-no.

To maintain healthy eyes, follow the 20-20 rule—after 20 minutes of an eyestrenuous activity, look away for 20 seconds at something 20 feet off.

Head Hunting

Struck down with a migraine? Or is that throbbing just a hangover? Identify what kind of headache is ruining your day.

TENSION HEADACHE The most common, described as a constant band-like pressure around the head. It can be brought on by stress, fumes or dehydration. Ordinary painkillers should help.

DIY HEALTH CHECK: TEST YOUR HEARTBEAT AFTER EXERCISE

One study found that women with poor heart rate recovery (HRR) after exercise had twice the risk of having a heart attack within ten years than those who had normal HRR.

MIGRAINE A throbbing pain on the side of your head, and maybe vomiting, flashes of light and a tingling or numbness moving across your body. Stress, or even chocolate, may be to blame. Most people find relief by resting in a dark, quiet room.

SINUSITIS This headache goes hand in hand with a fluey cold. It will feel tender at the top of the nose. Simple steam inhalations can often help.

CLUSTER HEADACHE Recurring attacks of extreme pain around one eye, lasting for around 90 minutes. Often triggered by smoking and drinking. Painkillers work slowly—it’s best to seek a doctor’s advice.

To test yours after regular strenuous activity, count your heartbeats for 15 seconds, then multiply by four to get your heart rate. Sit down and then after two minutes, do the same test again. Subtract the second number from the first. If it’s under 55, your HRR is higher than normal and you should talk to your doctor.

HEADACHES THAT SHOULD RING ALARM BELLS

When there are other symptoms, a headache could signal a more serious problem requiring immediate medical attention:

• Subarachnoid haemorrhage Like being hit on the head with a hammer, stiff neck and possible loss of consciousness.

• Meningitis A severe headache, fever, a rash, neck stiffness, irritability or varying levels of consciousness.

• Raised intercranial pressure A bad headache that’s worse when bending forward or coughing, problems with speaking or writing, difficulty moving limbs.

If It’s Broke, You Can’t Always Fix It

By max pem B erton

Max is a hospital doctor, author and newspaper columnist

Medicine is supposed to provide answers. It assumes that by following certain principles and theories, even complex constellations of symptoms can be understood. The body is a machine and can be fixed accordingly with the right bit of tinkering. That’s the theory, anyway.

The reality is, of course, rather different. Doctors, while they sometimes might like to think otherwise, don’t know everything. In fact, the more you understand it, the more you realise we don’t really know very much at all. But there’s still a common perception that when something is going wrong, a doctor will be able to sort it out.

which is how i find Myself standing in the entrance of an old Victorian workhouse surrounded by a collection of men who wouldn’t be out of place in a Dickens novel.

“You the doctor?” asks one of them. I hesitate. Is he going to show me his ingrowing toenail, I wonder, as I notice that he’s not wearing shoes.

“Er, yes, I am,” I answer tentatively.

“I’ve been sent to meet you. You’ve got to come this way,” he says, rather menacingly and beckons me to follow.

The others follow at a respectful distance. This is a hostel for single, homeless men. A visit from a doctor is viewed as rather an event, and so I’m escorted by a random assortment, all hoping that somehow I’ll be able to help them too. On the scale of housing, this is about as low as you can get without

actually sleeping on the streets. There are no carpets, and painted tiles on all the walls.

I meet the warden, a Pickwickian character whose proportions contrast with the thin and weak-looking man he’s standing next to.

“This is Danny,” he says, while Danny hacks, coughs and splutters.

I listen to his chest. He’s been coughing up blood for the past few weeks. He’s also clearly got a mental illness. The man is very unwell and I suspect he’s got TB, an illness that’s rife among the homeless.

The answer to the question of what we should do with Danny is simple: he needs to be admitted to hospital. But the question of what to do with the people in this hostel isn’t so easily answered. It would be easy to say the

fault lies with the government, or society, or even the individuals who find themselves in a place like this. But things aren’t that simple.

This isn’t just about money, or wrong choices or drugs or upbringing. How best to help is a question too complex for me to answer. I feel utterly impotent and overwhelmed in the face of such desperate men in such a desperate situation.

Over a hundred years ago, this hostel housed the same groups of people. Nothing has really changed. I’m reminded of what Dickens wrote: “The mysteries of this machine called man. Oh, the little that unhinges it, poor creatures that we are.” The men in the corridor look at me expectantly. I don’t have the answers, and I walk out and back into the bustling city.

Poinsettias Are Toxic

WHere did tHe

mytH come from?

It baffled me for years that the season of goodwill should be blighted by a deadly plant placed next to the turkey on the Christmas table. Was this my mum’s way of enforcing order? Start a row, and before you know it you’ll have half a pot plant sticking out of your mouth and minutes to live.

How poinsettias got a reputation for being deadly isn’t clear, but it might originate from 1919, when a young girl’s death was attributed to her eating a poinsettia leaf. Also, some people with an allergy to latex are sometimes also allergic to the medicaL

sap of the poinsettia, possibly causing people to assume it’s poisonous.

WHat’s tHe trutH?

There have been a number of large studies into whether poinsettias are indeed dangerous. One looked at over a million cases of people consuming non-food plants and, of these, over 20,000 had eaten poinsettia. There wasn’t a single death and over 96 per cent didn’t require medical attention. Those that did reported only nausea and vomiting. In nearly 100 of the cases kids had eaten large amounts, yet not a single one encountered problems. Similarly, studies on rats where they ate the equivalent of 500 plants each showed no ill effects.

so, tHere’s notHing to Worry aBout?

In general, if a child eats an unknown plant, it’s wise to check with a medical professional that it’s safe—there are a number of household and garden plants that can be toxic if eaten. But, while medics probably wouldn’t recommend chewing on a poinsettia, it’s unlikely to cause any real harm.

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The Man Behind Our Cover

BY TOM BROWNE

IT’S DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE a more inspiring person than Barry West. A quadriplegic since the age of 19 as a result of a car accident, he has nevertheless—with a bit of assistance —climbed Scafell Pike, Ben Nevis (in the winter) and Snowdon (four times). And a few years ago, he discovered the art of mouth painting.

“When the idea was first suggested, I thought, You’re having a laugh, aren’t you?” says Barry, who’d never picked up a brush in his life. But now, with over a hundred paintings to his name, the laugh has become a reality.

IN FEBRUARY THIS YEAR, our art director Yvey Bailey was contacted by the Mouth and Foot Painting Artists (MFPA): would we be interested, they asked, in featuring one of their paintings on our December cover? This would be good publicity for the MFPA, who sell Christmas cards and products through their website during this period.

Although intrigued, we replied with another suggestion: we’d commission an original painting instead, specially designed with our cover in mind. And from the examples we’d seen, Barry West was the obvious choice.

A few months later, we were sitting in Barry’s front room, sipping tea and staring in awe at the artwork on his walls. We had to remind ourselves

that these were painted with his mouth only, in a specially adapted studio at Barry’s home.

Before arriving we’d been nervous. Would a mouth painter be able to handle our commission? But Barry dispelled all our doubts as we chatted through concepts and deadlines.

“I’m always up for a challenge!” he said at one point.

Once we agreed on a design, Barry set to work, sending us sketches and updates. And in October, we got to see the finished painting. Every single member of our team was genuinely bowled over, and we hope our readers like it too. You might even see it as an MFPA Christmas card next year!

Please visit mfpa.uk to purchase MFPA cards and other seasonal products. For more about Barry’s work and life story, go to mfpa.uk/the-artists/bazza-west

Barry at work on our cover

What’s it really like to lead a life without brothers and sisters?

The Ones

Only

BY AMANDA RILEY-JONES

There was a time when being an only child was unusual. But these days, according to the Office of National Statistics, 46 per cent of British families have just one dependent child—and it’s predicted that by 2025, more than half the children in this country will have no siblings.

So do solo children tend to be spoiled, sociable, high achievers—or feel they’ve missed out? We talked to five of them to find out.

ROD MOULDING

“I’ve tracked down 3,800 relatives”

Rod Moulding was a seven-monthold baby when his sister Julia died of pneumonia in 1942. Her absence from his life was compounded when his colonial civil engineer father died as a POW on the Thai-Burma railway the following year.

Until he was 11, Rod and his mum lived with her elderly parents in Devon. He recalls happy days out at the beach and visiting Exeter cathedral. “I had cousins I saw every month or so, although I was more at ease with people of the older generation,” says Rod, now 73 and living near Milton Keynes.

“I didn’t find anything difficult about being an only child. I had the

Rod Moulding in 1944. “I had the run of a large house and garden”

run of a large house and garden, and my grandfather’s collection of books,” he says. “Little Roddy” contentedly entertained himself—making model aeroplanes, playing with his train set and reading. A book about his mother’s family, furniture-makers the Heals, ignited a lifelong passion for genealogy and detective work.

“Certainly, being an only child has formed my character,” says Rod,

Rod with his sons, wife, daughters-in-law and granddaughters

Genevieve, Lara, Katie and Iris (left to right)

© TIM HALE/ALAMY

who went to boarding school at 11. He’s been married to Jane for 48 years and they have two sons, James and Ruairi, and four granddaughters. “I’m close to my sons and their families, but generally I keep my emotions to myself,” he says. During his career as a software-industry management consultant, there was a decade when Rod was away from home about half the year on frequent short European trips. “I like to be solitary and I’m quite self-sufficient,” he says. “I don’t worry about not talking to anybody for a couple of days. I’m sometimes accused of being antisocial!”

Since starting work on his family tree in 2003, Rod has gone on to build up a Moulding family database containing 3,800 relatives’ names. “I’ve connected with hundreds of relatives via email and physically met upwards of 50. I feel enormously more part of a family. I called one of my talks ‘How to search for relatives and find yourself’. In retrospect, I suppose tracing my family tree is a kind of substitute for the family members who were missing when I was young.”

Rod says his sister is always in the background, and a paternal cousin who was born three years before Julia is a living reminder of her. He says, “It’s interesting to see how my cousin’s life has evolved and to think that she might, both physically and emotionally, not be a million miles away from Julia.”

TONY SANDALL

“You tend to feel a bit separate, not one of the crowd”

Tony Sandall was born in the “dark days of 1942” in Woolwich, southeast London. “Only one of my little playmates was also an only child. I don’t think I realised it was unusual, but I did think it would be nice to have a brother or sister to make camps and play with,” remembers Tony, 73.

A difficult home life and lack of interaction with his chauffeur father exacerbated his sense of isolation. “I was an extremely shy little thing and didn’t show emotions. I used to draw and paint in my room to escape into

Tony at the age of nine. “I did think it would be nice to have a brother or sister to play with”

another world,” he says. “When I was 14, I remember lying in bed, hearing my parents’ row turn into a physical fight. When you’re on your own, you don’t know what to make of things. I wished I’d had a sibling so we could help each other out.”

Tony went on to have a successful 30-year career “toiling in the dark caverns of the MOD”, and was happily married to Pamela for 29 years—although sadly she wasn’t well enough to have children. “She was such a kind, down-to-earth woman. I don’t normally show my emotions but, when I saw her lying in the chapel of rest, I burst into tears,” he remembers.

Tony plays golf and tennis regularly and has a number of female friends. “We all need to share our lives some of the time and I enjoy being with like-minded people, but I hate conflict,” says Tony, who lives in Welling, Kent.

“Being an only child can be a good thing in that you learn to stand on your own two feet and it gives you freedom from relying on other people. I’m generally a solitary person who tends to do solitary things. When you’ve been brought up as a only child, it’s only natural to step back and be an observer. You tend to feel a bit separate, not one of the crowd.”

MARGARET FOSTER

“I’m incredibly selfish and never learned to compromise”

“I was born at a time when it was unusual and I was teased for being an only child,” remembers Margaret, who grew up in the Sixties and Seventies in Hampstead, London. “My childhood was happy enough— quite isolated, a bit eccentric. I don’t remember having friends around and school holidays were bleak. I spent a lot of time sitting on my own, reading. My mother had been an only child herself, so I don’t think it occurred to her that there was a problem.”

Margaret aged eight with her scooter. “My childhood was quite isolated, a bit eccentric”

“I used to imagine how much fun it would be to have more people in the family and someone else to talk to instead of my parents,” continues Margaret, who’s 59 and now lives outside Malmesbury, Wiltshire. “When my mother went back to work, I was packed off to boarding school aged ten. I thought it was going to be like Enid Blyton’s Mallory Towers but most of the kids came from abroad so it was difficult to form sustainable friendships.”

As an adult, she worked as a civil servant for many years, making the most of the resourcefulness and selfreliance she’d developed in early life. “If things go wrong, I can manage

very well and just get on with it,” she says. Similarly, she was unfazed by “quite a lot of lean years” when she was single and happily took holidays alone.

At 40, she married a man with an uncannily similar background and neither of them wanted children.

“Andrew and I were both only children and both our fathers were 20 years older than our mothers.”

Friends are important, and she says, “I’m very good at staying connected with friends from all different times of my life. But since moving to Wiltshire, I don’t have any close friends who live locally. My husband isn’t a social person either. So I suppose I’ve gone back to the solitary set up I had when I was a child.

“I’m quite content...I’m incredibly selfish and that comes from being an only child who’s never had to share or compromise!” she laughs.

Margaret

on her first day at boarding school in 1966, with her mother

BEVERLEY KELLER:

“I was very glad I didn’t have siblings”

Beverley Keller was born in Bradford, Yorkshire 60 years ago and describes a golden childhood. “Having only one child meant my parents could afford to give me so many experiences and opportunities,” says Beverley, whose parents emigrated to Canada when she was two. “I learned to ski, had ballet classes and lots of foreign holidays. Although there was only one other single child in my class, I was always an outgoing chatterbox.

“Weekends were wonderful— browsing for antiques with my father and having lots of ‘girl time’ with my mother, shopping and going to posh cafes. My parents were very social

and I was at ease in adult company from a young age,” she adds.

She does admit that “between the ages of eight and 12, I wished I’d had a brother or sister to play with and my parents considered adopting a child to keep me company”. But at the age of 13, Beverley went to high school and made lots more friends. She also noticed that none of them were close to their brothers and sisters. “One friend fought constantly with her siblings. I remember being very glad that I didn’t have any.”

Beverley has one child from her first marriage—Stefan, 30—and explains, “I still wanted to maintain a career and having just one child made it much less hectic.”

Now remarried and working as a legal assistant, she says that being a solo child has made her confident, independent and sociable.

Beverley with her parents. “I was at ease in adult company”

“I make my own decisions in life and my calendar is always full. I didn’t find anything difficult about being an only child, until I was in my 50s and the sole caregiver to my elderly parents. Luckily, my husband and son were very supportive. I was glad I could be there for my parents. It was time for me to pay them back for my wonderful childhood.”

VINCENT MCAVINEY:

“I might not have had as much support if I’d had a sibling”

“Only children have an unwarranted bad reputation,” says Londoner and ITV News at Ten producer Vincent McAviney. “People assume we’re spoiled. You do inevitably end up getting more attention and we had great holidays, so I was spoilt in that regard. But my parents were quite strict and made sure I knew the value of things.”

Growing up in Jersey and Luxembourg, Vincent never felt lonely or different. He says, “I just became more outgoing and sociable in order to make lots of friends. There were six other single kids in my year.”

He’s quick to describe the myriad benefits. “From a young age, I was aware that I would be my parents’ only child and I wanted to do as much as possible to make them proud,” says the 27-year-old. “That made me pretty ambitious and I

put myself under a lot of pressure to achieve. I studied hard, was head boy of my school and went on to take a degree and two masters. But it was a team effort and I might not have had as much support if I’d had a sibling.

“As I’ve got older, I’ve become proper friends with my parents,” he adds. “It saddens me that, when they’re gone, all the memories we’ve made as a family will only carry on with me. I won’t have a sibling to reminisce with.”

Vincent and his mother on a family holiday to France; (left) at a wedding with his parents Jane and Vincent Snr

100 Word

Story

competition

Our annual shortstory competition is up and running, so get your entries in! Here are two more tales to inspire you

Terms and conditions

■ There are three categories—one for adults and two categories for schools: one for children aged 12–18 and one for children under 12.

■ In the adult category, the winner will receive £2,000, and two runnersup will each receive £200.

■ In the 12–18s category, the winner will receive a Samsung Galaxy Tab S2 (8.0, WiFi) and a Samsung Gear 5 watch, plus £150 for their school. Two runners-up will each receive £100.

■ In the under-12s category, the winner will receive a Samsung Galaxy Tab S2 (8.0, WiFi), plus £100 for their school. Two runners-up will each receive £75.

■ Your stories should be original, unpublished and exactly 100 words long. Please submit them online at readersdigest.co.uk/100-wordstory-competition by February 20.

■ The editorial team will then pick a shortlist of three in each category and post them online on March 6. You can vote for your favourite, and the one with the most votes will scoop the top prize. Voting will close on March 27 and winning entries will be published in our June issue.

■ The entry forms are on our website, along with details of the prizes.

Would you like help to write your own autobiography? Turn the page for details.

Gill Paul

Florence Nightingale entered the ward and frowned. Someone was calling out, disturbing the night-time hush. She strode across, lantern swinging, to scold the perpetrator then realized the plaintive cries came from an 18-year-old boy whose leg had been amputated following a battlefield wound. He was nearing death as gangrene poisoned his system and was calling in delirium: “Meg, I loved you so…I wish you had been mine.”

Florence hesitated, glanced round to check no one was watching, then bent to kiss his cheek, stroking his dark hair.

“Dearest,” she whispered. “It’s Meg. I’m here and I love you too.”

■ Gill Paul’s No Place For A Lady is available now in paperback and digital format, published by Avon.

C L Taylor

After the police station rang we packed up dad’s things. It was mum’s idea.

“Shouldn’t we go and see his body?” I asked.

“He’s dead. That’s good enough for me.” She opened his chest of drawers, emptied his socks into a black bin bag, then swept their wedding photo into it too.

She tore the house apart, stripping it of dad’s things.

She peered up at me. “Perhaps you should grow a beard, Mark.”

“Why?”

“So you don’t look like him any more. Or do you want people to think you’re a child murderer too?”

I held her as she cried.

■ The Lie by C L Taylor is available now in paperback and digital format, published by Avon.

Rules: Please ensure that submissions are original, not previously published and 100 words long (not including the title). Don’t forget to include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number when filling in the form. We may use entries in all print and electronic media. Contributions become world copyright of Reader’s Digest.

Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all others associated with this competition, their immediate families and relatives living in an employee’s household. The judges’ decision is final.

Bonds Between Generations

How a LifeBook can build unbreakable bridges from the past to the present

sinCe The dawn of Time, people have passed down their experiences, memories and insights from one generation to the next. In tougher times, the transmission of this vital knowledge could be the difference between happiness or despair, wealth or poverty, life or death. Medicinal recipes, food-preservation skills and farming techniques were all handed down, and life stories—successes, failures, vital life lessons—were also transferred through the centuries to give future generations the best chance of success.

Modern life, and the way we live it, has changed this. If you want to know what things were like in the past, you can Google it. TV series such as Downton Abbey recreate bygone eras, and this version of history is consumed unthinkingly— interrupted only by adverts for the latest smartphone. Older people in popular culture are caricatured

as having only war memories, as with Uncle Albert in Only Fools and Horses. The importance of seeking out the life stories of our elders has been nullified and their experiences glossed over or ignored, leading to a dislocation between the generations that can be hard to fix.

T imes have C han G ed. Elder relatives didn’t have the internet at home as children, didn’t play on consoles and didn’t FaceTime with distant relatives. But they did have first days at school. They did have a first kiss, a first job and sporting successes. They performed in plays, met the Queen, got married and experienced a lifetime. Along the way they learned a lot, and at LifeBook we’re passionate about capturing these everyday stories of people and preserving them for their family and future generations.

These memories and experiences,

once compiled into the author’s own autobiography, provide a heritage of life lessons, as well as amusing anecdotes, that would otherwise be lost in time.

It’s more than just a legacy. A LifeBook enables families to learn about their loved ones’ past. This creates a conduit through which intergenerational relationships can be broadened and enhanced.

Granddad hasn’t always been Granddad—he was into the latest fashions, went to some wild parties and shouted himself hoarse on the football terraces on a Saturday.

Sharing these stories between generations shows how society may change, but the essence of life and living stays the same. LifeBook creates bonds between the generations now and into the future.

Now it’s your turn to have a legacy. To discover more about the LifeBook experience, how we can help you write your own autobiography and how it can benefit you and those you know and love, just call us on 0800 999 2280 or email us at digest@lifebookuk.com

ChristmasShopping

Tired of the same old high street? Plan a visit to these distinguished destinations instead

By f I o N a h I ck S

Padstow Christmas Festival

coRNWaLL

Already possessing a reputation for being a culinary haven, Padstow is setting its sights on becoming a festive one too.

The Christmas Festival takes place over the first weekend in December, with more than a 100 stalls selling a range of goods. Food, of course, features heavily, with especially delicious Cornish chutneys, pies and mulled cider

on offer. Festival organiser Tina Evans enthuses about the “world-famous chefs showing enthusiastic audiences what they do best”—this year, Rick Stein, Paul Ainsworth and Nathan Outlaw are all on stage.

If you can’t make it for the festival, it’s still worth taking a trip to this south-Cornwall town as part of your Christmas preparations. An eclectic mix of independent stores (such as Country Goodness) and more mainstream shops (Joules, for example) make gift buying a breeze. Compared to bigger cities, it’s blissfully crowd-free too.

■ Visit padstowchristmas festival.co.uk for details

Burlington Arcade LoNdoN

This luxury retail destination in the heart of Mayfair is said to have paved the way for modern shopping centres. Back in the early 19th century, Lord George Cavendish, who lived in Burlington House (now known as the Royal Academy), commissioned the architect Samuel Ware to design a covered promenade of shops. The official reason was “for the gratification of the public and to give employment to industrious

females”, but rumour has it that the real reason was to stop passing ruffians from throwing oyster shells onto his property.

The arcade was soon bustling, and remains so to this day. With shops such as Chanel, Church’s and La Perla, this admittedly isn’t a destination for those with shallow pockets. But it’s a sumptuous setting, and Bill Nighy has even been known to switch on the Christmas lights.

■ Visit burlington-arcade.co.uk for details

© Ian Shaw/ a lamy

Christmas Market Bath

Running from November 26 until December 13, this market lines the streets around the beautiful Bath Abbey, and its twinkling fairy lights, mulled wine and carols can’t help but get you in the festive mood. It’s big—with 170 wooden “chalets”—but the fact that around 70 per cent of the stallholders are from the area lends the market a very local feel. “The important thing to remember,” says communications manager Caroline Hook, “is that it’s not a German Christmas market, it’s very much a British Christmas market.”

There are toys and trinkets galore, and it’s also an especially good place to stock up on your Christmas grub. In fact, visitors have been known to come armed with an empty hamper. ■ Visit bathchristmasmarket.co.uk for details

Craft In The Bay caRdIff

Looking for a truly unique present? Pop along to this delightful Victorian dockside building, which houses the Makers Guild in Wales. Less than a minute’s walk from Cardiff Bay railway station, this gallery-cum-shop features the works and craftsmanship of a huge range of artists. Exhibitions change regularly, so there’s always something new. “We have the very best in contemporary Welsh craft.” says manager Simon Burgess. “It’s a changing showcase of jewellery, ceramics, textiles, metalwork and bespoke furniture.”

What’s more, there are events held in December (as well as throughout the year) to make the shopping experience that much more enjoyable. The “Christmas Felts” workshop on December 5 allows visitors to spend an enjoyable three hours creating wet-felt and needle-felted decorations for their homes. “Meet the Maker” afternoons also enable buyers to hear firsthand the artists’ ideas, inspirations and intentions for their creations— after all, everyone loves a gift with a story.

■ Visit makersguildinwales.org.uk for details

Style Mile

gLaSgoW

This holds the curious accolade of being “the UK’s largest retail phalanx outside London”. More simply put, it’s a jolly good place to shop.

This square in the centre of Scotland’s second city is home to more than 200 outlets, which cover pretty much all needs (and budgets). The especially nice branches of The White Company, Cath Kidston and L’Occitane should help those frantic shoppers on Christmas Eve, while those with time to browse can enjoy passing an afternoon in Buchanan Galleries—home to the crème de la crème of high-street retail.

From mid-November onwards, George Square is also the site of a range of Christmas entertainment, including the famously huge tree.

■ Visit glasgowloveschristmas.com for details

Bullring BIRMINghaM

There’s been a market in the Bull Ring area of Birmingham since 1154, when local landowner Peter de Bermingham applied to Henry II for a charter of marketing rights. A textile trade quickly developed, expanding to food, cattle and eventually shops by the civilised Victorian period.

Still a bustling commercial area, the new Bullring shopping centre was built in 2003 and remains one of the UK’s busiest (and with shops

The Shambles yoRk

Cities don’t come much more quaint than York, and shopping on The Shambles makes you feel as if you’ve stepped back in time. Says Make it York’s Kate McCullen, “It’s crammed full of independent shops and is often named as one of the most picturesque streets in England.”

Once you’ve taken photos of the cobbled streets and delightfully wonky buildings, dive in to Lily Shambles to select some jewellery gifts, pop into The Gift Gallery for some stocking fillers and refresh yourself with a cuppa at The Earl Grey Tea Rooms.

■ Visit visityork.org for details

Where do you do your christmas shopping? Email readersletters@ readersdigest.co.uk and let us know

such as Karen Millen, Hollister and Ted Baker, you could even argue it harks back to textile market of the Middle Ages).

As well as the usual seasonal festivities within the Bullring, the annual Frankfurt Christmas Market is a ten-minute walk away and well worth a peruse. Running from midNovember, it sports over 180 varied stalls, with traditional German pretzels, schnitzels and bratwursts to power you through even the longest of shopping lists.

■ Visit bullring.co.uk for details

Brian Blessed’s acting career spans over 50 years. He’s also an avid explorer—and the oldest man to have trekked to the magnetic North Pole

If I Ruled the World Brian Blessed

I’d educate people to appreciate all religions. There’s a great deal of ignorance out there, causing much unhappiness. We need to have compassion for other beliefs. I’d remind people that while there may be many spiritual paths to choose, there’s only one spirit.

I’d conserve our beautiful countryside. I’d gather the best people from various governments all over the world and work out how to protect our green spaces. The earth is taking a beating. You can be blinkered about it, but we must stop chipping away at our planet and be its guardian instead. I was President of the National Parks for seven years. We had a great scheme to encourage more people— especially from minority ethnic communities— to experience the inspirational wild landscapes.

I’d provide more funding for the arts. We’re not doing badly in Britain, but the arts still have to fight like hell to survive. We neglect them at our peril; they are the food of the soul. Sport should be celebrated too.

Senseless killing of animals would be stopped. Animals are on trust to us, so why do we need to kill them? I hate it. Over the years we’ve given sanctuary to thousands of animals here at home—it’s why I never have two pennies to rub together.

I’d ban exams for young children. The pressure the education system puts on our children is ridiculous! Exams are counterproductive, stunting imagination and instilling a sense of fear and inadequacy. Let’s have teachers with vision who fight against them. I walked out of my 11-plus exam all those years ago, but only after I’d covered the paper with drawings of dinosaurs.

I’d encourage adventure in all its forms. Whether by land, sea or to space, let’s get out there and take risks. If we live our lives too safely then something within us dies. There are vast areas of the world still to explore. In the wilderness our senses improve and you see clearly and feel things you’ve never felt before. And I’d be the first person to set up home on another planet or in another universe. I’ve been fascinated by space since I discovered Mars existed when I was six years old.

Death wouldn’t be something to fear. A few years ago I was a guest of the Dalai Lama. We watched a group of people flying kites and I

asked him why they all looked so extraordinarily happy. He replied, “They have no fear of death.” In Europe we all worry about dying and it makes us miserable. Buddhists accept death by contemplating it fully, release themselves from the fear and live better, fuller lives.

Men would value women more. I often find the way men treat women offensive. I love women! Most of what I’ve learned over my 79 years has come from them. Did you know that Mount Everest is female? Men don’t seem to like that but females are the great heroes in my life. When I went to the North Pole I shared my tent with three women and they were the ones who got me there in the end. Women are the strength of mankind, and it’s about time men sat up and took notice.

I’d remind people, “There’s no one else like you and the biggest gift we have is life.” We spend so much time trying to accrue material possessions that we forget the really important things in life cost nothing. Everyone has something unique to bring to the table. Take time out every day to be still and peaceful. Value the energy in yourself and use it to fulfil your dreams. As told to Caroline Hutton

Brian’s memoir Absolute Pandemonium is out now, published by Macmillan.

Is Your Home At Risk?

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To discuss your home insurance and to obtain a competitive quotation call us today on 020 8069 3102.

BEING BURGLED IS EVERY HOMEOWNER’S WORST NIGHTMARE. The emotional impact of a burglary is often described as being more distressing than the actual cost. However, there are steps every homeowner can take in order to protect their property and possessions, and minimise the risk of a burglary.

A recent report by Yale, the home-security specialists, revealed that 62% of burglaries take place at night. With dark nights often resulting in light fingers, it is important to ensure your home is properly secured.

Here are six top tips Yale advised for keeping your home and possessions secure:

■ Electrical devices, cash and

jewellery are among the most commonly stolen items in domestic burglaries. Don’t leave valuables in view and keep them out of reach of open windows.

■ Don’t become a victim of identity theft; use a shredder when disposing of confidential information.

■ Install a home alarm so if there is a break-in you can be alerted quickly. Alarms also act as a good visual deterrent.

■ If you’ve recently moved home it’s advisable to change the locks, as you never know who may have a copy of your keys.

■ External timber doors should be secured using a mortice lock and/or nightlatch that meets British Standard BS3621.

■ If you have a PVCu or composite door, upgrade the euro profile cylinder in the multipoint lock to a British Standard TS007 3 star Kitemark cylinder.

In some areas of the UK insurers may require a minimum standard of security—such as key-operated windows—which homeowners need to meet in order to avoid having their levels of home insurance cover restricted.

In the run-up to Christmas, many insurance policies include an increase in the value of contents to cover gifts purchased. This is normally either a specified percentage or set limit amount. Check your policy to ensure the presents you have bought are adequately covered.

it’s one of the world’s most visited cities, but there’s so much the tourists miss. our alternative tour guide is John Hooper…

My Venıce Secret E

VERY TIME I V I SIT VENICE, its beauty hits me afresh. But what I love about this great city is that its sunny, gilded splendour carries with it a subtle hint of melancholy. You have the Grand Canal, made famous by Canoletto, with its exquisite palaces and jade-green waters, to be sure. But this is also a city built on shifting sands amid treacherous tides; a place of mists and ghosts. And for the curious-minded, it’s also a city of surprises and mysteries.

Intriguing turbaned figures watch over the diners in Venice’s Campo dei Mori

Like any visitor arriving at Venice’s bustling Santa Lucia station, I set off to explore the city following signs to the Rialto. Had this been my first time here, I’d have then followed further signs taking you from the Rialto to the glories of St Mark’s Square, the Doges’ palace, the Bridge of Sighs and the

waterside Riva degli Schiavoni with its views across the lagoon.

But today I’m intent on enjoying some of Venice’s less obvious attractions. So once across the Ponte delle Guglie, as tourists disappear into the lanes packed with souvenirs, I turn left. Beyond the fishmonger’s stall on the fondamenta (the word for a paved quayside in Venice), I enter another world.

The sestiere (district) of Cannaregio (1, on the map overleaf ) is where more than a third of Venice’s citizens live. It’s where they do their shopping, stop to gossip and walk their dogs— although the city is uniquely unsuited to canine ownership, Venetians are, curiously, passionate dog lovers.

Cannaregio is a place of surprises. Slip into the second narrow lane on the right and you’re in the Ghetto (2), an area where the Jews were forced to live back in the early 16th century during the old Venetian Republic.

Further down the lane, I spot a plaque on the wall that warns Jews against vilifying Christianity “on pain of the rope, jail, the galleys and the whip”. The Ghetto draws some tourists and even has a few gift shops selling everything from menorahs— nine-armed candle holders used on Hanukkah—to wine stoppers made of coloured glass produced in the lagoon on the island of Murano.

However, beyond the Rio della Misericordia—the ironically named Canal of Mercy that runs by the Ghetto—lies an even quieter area where tourist gondolas rarely venture and where the loudest sound is the squabbling of gulls.

I’M look ING fo R h I dd EN treasure. The few who happen upon the 14th-century church of Sant’Alvise (3) probably don’t spare it a second glance. But in the presbytery and tucked away to one side of the altar are three works by the 18th-century Rococo painter Giovanni Battista Tiepolo. The artists who painted the ceiling used drastic foreshortening to create the impression of pillars soaring through the roof to heaven. But something went awry. So unless you stand right in the middle of the

Francesco Lastrucci

church, the pillars on the other side all tilt in the wrong direction.

At the back of the church is a set of rather crudely painted tempera panels depicting scenes from the Old Testament. One detail is striking: a tasselled canopy over a potentate of some kind. It’s so wholly un-European that it could only have been painted by someone who had seen an original brought from the East.

More than any of the states that made up Italy before its unification, Venice—independent for over a thousand years—looked east: to the Levant, Persia and far beyond. Arab and other Eastern influences seeped into everything from their architecture to their jewellery.

Heading back to the Fondamenta

della Sensa, I walk east to the little Campo dei Mori (4) , or Moors’ Square, so called because of three sculpted, robed and turbaned figures set into the walls. Weatherbeaten now —they have lost their original noses —the “Moors” are a mystery. One explanation is that they depict three brothers, traders in silk and spices, who came in the 12th century as refugees from Morea, an old name for Greece’s Peloponnese peninsula. But, if that’s the case, why did they wear oriental dress? And why is there a fourth “Moor” next to the house of Cannaregio’s most famous son, the Renaissance painter Tintoretto?

The artist’s real name, which was only recently discovered, is another echo of Venice’s trading links with the

in dutton

John Hooper leaves the crowds behind; (left) everyday life in Cannaregio

East. His surname was Comin, which means cumin.

Nearby, Tintoretto’s depictions of the Last Judgement and the Worship of the Golden Calf soar 50 feet to the ceiling of the Madonna dell’Orto (5) . Behind the church, there’s a vaporetto (water bus) stop. I need the 4.2 to get to Fondamenta Nove. “We do our best to confuse outsiders,” jokes a local. Not only do some of the routes have decimal points, but houses are numbered according to the sestiere to which they belong, with no regard to the lane or canal they look onto.

Af TER A REVIVING ES p RESS o macchiato, I catch the number 12 to the pretty island of Burano (6), where

the houses are painted in every colour of the rainbow, and then a number 9 to the island of Torcello (7) and a step back in time.

Torcello is all but uninhabited these days, but there are some restaurants for visitors. A chilly wind is blowing. Gulls screech. I decide it’s time for lunch and duck into the cosy Osteria al Ponte del Diavolo for a plate of steaming pasta: spaghetti al nero di seppie (spaghetti with cuttlefish ink), Venice’s most traditional dish.

For most people, Venice is the collection of islands, centred on the Rialto, that seem to form one big island in the shape of a fish. But the term also encompasses the other islands in the Venetian lagoon, and

After the collapse of the Roman empire, Germanic tribes poured into the Italian peninsula, prompting wave after wave of refugees to flee into the lagoon. The largest number settled on Torcello, becoming subjects of the only remaining “Roman” empire —that of the East, with its capital at Constantinople or Byzantium.

So when, in 639, the inhabitants of Torcello built themselves a cathedral, and even in 1008 when the existing basilica was erected, much of the some lesser-known venetian haunts

decoration was associated with the eastern Christian churches. No photo can do justice to the sheer scale of its towering mosaics: of the Virgin and Child behind the altar and of the Last Judgement on the rear wall.

For several years, the bell tower of what’s now the Basilica di Santa Maria Assunta was closed for repairs. But it was reopened last year, and so I head for the top. In the belfry, I find myself alone. In a silence broken only by the whistling wind, I look out undisturbed over Torcello with its fields and vegetable plots laced by streams and linked by rickety wooden there was a time when Torcello was the most populous and important of all; when it was Venice.

bridges. It’s not so very different from how the place must have looked back in the seventh century.

I’M STAYING oN ThE GIudECCA

(8), the eel-shaped island slithering under the belly of the “fish”. Outside the tourist season, it belongs to the Venetians even more than Cannaregio: here you find the homes of the city’s postal workers and rubbish collectors, the people who steer its fire launches and wash the tourists’ linen.

But it’s also becoming Venice’s alternative quarter. Several galleries sit along the quay that faces the main island of Venice. One of them is holding an opening party—from inside comes laughter and clinking glasses. A little way along, I discover Generator, a hostel carved out of an

old grain store. The bar, with its smart but quirky retro décor, wouldn’t look out of place in one of the trendier quarters of Berlin. Just the spot for an aperitivo before dinner. I settle for a Venetian favourite, an Aperol spritz, to go with the nuts and olives the barman sets out for me.

The next day I have time to kill. I want to visit the island of San Lazzaro degli Armeni, but the vaporetto only leaves once a day: at 3.10pm. So first I decide to make for the part of Venice where the Bienniale, the city’s international contemporary art exhibition, is held. In the gardens nearby, there’s a 19th-century greenhouse, the Serra dei Giardini (9) , nowadays part garden nursery and part restaurant. It’s perfect for a mid-morning coffee.

I continue my tour, reaching a square hung with washing off Via Garibaldi. Here I come across a

Colourfully painted houses are a trademark of the island of Burano

large shrine created from one side of a house. It has lace curtains and, inside, amid the pots of flowers, an icon—again, that lingering Byzantine influence—of the Madonna.

It gives me an idea. I catch the vaporetto towards Saint Mark’s, but get off after two stops. A couple of hundred yards away, beyond the Pensione Wildner where the novelist Henry James finished The Portrait of a Lady, is Calle de la Pietà. I doubt if more than one visitor in a thousand notices the slot for offerings under the bas-relief of the Virgin and Child.

And fewer, I bet, notice the wooden segment above the green door on the right. It looks as if it might belong to an early revolving door. As indeed it does: the rest of the structure, inside the Hotel Metropole, houses a cash register. But it was once a foundling wheel—a device in which mothers could leave their unwanted babies to be brought up by nuns.

AT 3.10pM pRECISElY, the number 20 vaporetto casts off for the final leg of my journey, to the fabled island of San Lazzaro degli Armeni (10) .

Once a leper colony, it was put at the disposal of an order of Armenian Catholic monks who fled when the Turks seized their monastery in Morea. That was in 1717.

The monastery’s museum today is a treasure house for anyone with a taste for the exotic. It houses artefacts from the lost civilisation of Urartu, a manuscript written in the extinct language of Ge’ez and a sword owned by the last ruler of the half-forgotten Armenian kingdom of Cilicia.

At the end of my visit, standing in the church with its bright turquoise ceiling and mosaics, I ask the blackbearded monk who’s shown me around where he’s from.

“Kessab in Syria. It was once part of the kingdom of Cilicia.” Then he shakes his head. “Today is a sad day for me. It’s a year since jihadis took Kessab and drove out its Christian population. They sacked the city and desecrated the cemetery.”

Even today, Venice still picks up distant echoes from the East.

John Hooper is italy correspondent of The Economist and author of The Italians

B irthda Y odds

did you know? according to greeting-card company Moonpig, the most common birthday in the uk is september 16.

did you also know? the most probable date of conception for a baby born on september 16 is the previous christmas day!

Source: eXPreSS.co.uK

By Catherine Cole

My Great Escape: German Adventure

Roger Ley from Suffolk gets an unusual surprise in his Berlin hotel room

Catherine has danced in Rio, been microlighting in South Africa and hiked the mountains of Oman

Several year S ago, my wife and I spent a few days in Berlin, staying at the Park Inn in Alexanderplatz.

We arrived in the afternoon, tired from our early flight, and were checked in by a rather formal young concierge. We decided to have a lie down for ten minutes before exploring the city. As I lay down, my eyes half shut, I saw a shadow pass the window. Probably a seagull, I thought. Then the same thing happened again, but this time there was a faint cry coming through the balcony doors.

I got up, opened the sliding doors and went out onto the balcony to investigate—just in time to see a human body screaming past me towards the square below before safely decelerating just a few metres from the ground. I found out it’s a sport called base-jumping.

Once we knew what was happening, we got used to it. It went on for a short time each day, and it was only the people that laughed loudly as they went down that unsettled me. (I encouraged my wife to have a go, but she said no. I would’ve jumped myself, but I had enough sense not to!)

On our last day, we checked out and the same reserved

© Hamn i Senja

Roger and his family in Berlin; (below) the Holocaust Memorial

concierge served us. “I hope that you enjoyed your stay, mein Herr,” he said. “Actually,” I replied, “it would have been nice to have been warned when we checked in about the base jumpers falling past our balcony.”

He paused and considered for a moment, a flicker of a smile appearing on one side of his mouth. “Ja,” he said. “Perhaps we should warn people in the future.” I knew that he wouldn’t. It was their little joke. Berliners, believe it or not, have a famous sense of humour…

■ roger’s book A Horse in the Morning is available in paperback and on Kindle.

■ Berlin BeCKonS

Flights to Berlin from London start from £21.49 one way (easyjet.com).

Postcard From... Tromsø, Norway

The win T er mon T h S are the ideal time to wrap up warm and head further north. Put Scandinavia on your bucket list this month, particularly as Discover The World’s new tours for the winter include a trip to the charming Norwegian city of Tromsø—slated as “the Paris of the north”—and nearby Senja island. It’s the best opportunity to spot the always-magical northern lights as well as the ever-graceful humpback whales of Senja.

■ SnoW and Glitter

Discover The World offers five nights from £1,265pp (01737 214 291; discover-the-world.co.uk).

Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we include it on this page we’ll pay you £50. Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us We Want to hear

Things To Do This Month

NEW YORK i N t WO mi N ut E s

■ Do: n ew y ear’S e ve

Whether braving the crowds of Times Square or pitching up to watch the fireworks shoot over Manhattan, the Big Apple is one of the best places in the world to see in the New Year (nycgo.com).

■ STay: The m ark, n ew york

This design-focused Upper East Side boutique hotel on the iconic Madison Avenue wraps bold and splashy colours into one seriously luxury property. Rooms from around £500 a night (+001 212 744 4300; themarkhotel.com).

■ vi S i T : The rocke F eller

cenTer Enjoy the Christmas cheer in the huge department stores and visit the Rockefeller Center in Midtown, which has a gigantic tree strung with lights and a pretty ice rink (rockefellercenter.com).

s h ORt/ l ON g haul: Wi N t ER su N

Short: taroudant, Morocco The Moroccan coast in winter means comfortable temperatures, clear turquoise seas and a blissed-out Mediterranean vibe. Throw in a traditional riad and it’s everything you need for a warm, relaxing, pre-Christmas break (01672 500 555; lawrenceofmorocco.com).

Long: Byron Bay, au Stra L ia Australia’s summer is our winter, so head down south to Byron Bay on the sunshine coast—the centre of a vibrant beach community (0800 988 4834; austravel.com).

travel app of the month

Trail wallet, Free, io S. Holidays always cost more than you expect. This nifty app tracks your spending while abroad, so there are no nasty surprises later (voyagetravelapps.com).

We all dearly love our four legged friends, but cleaning up after them makes vacuuming even more of a chore. Stubborn hair embedded in the carpet, the brush bar choked up… not to mention the smell.

The cordless AirRam K9 is the 4x4 upgrade of the original AirRam, complete with extra tough features. Designed not only for great cleaning performance, but to withstand the extra strain pet hair can place on a vacuum cleaner – clogging the mechanism and making it wear out faster.

Tougher

AirRam K9 is specially designed to lift embedded hair from carpet bres, but minimise the amount of hair that gets wrapped around the brush-bar, so less cleaning for you.

Stronger

The K9 is strengthened by zinc alloy components, to resist the wear and tear caused by the toughest cleaning environments.

Sweeter

And, it features re llable oral scented lters to leave your room smelling clean and fresh.

All the great features of the original AirRam

Added to that are all the great features that have made the Gtech AirRam so popular: Mains powered upright vacuum performance†; Lightweight (3.8kg); 40 minutes run-time*; 4-hour charge-time; ‘one button’ simplicity and easy one-click assembly.

Power, performance, simplicity

Suitable for all domestic pets, or just the busiest homes, the K9 compresses the hair and dirt into bales.

A removable tray lifts out, allowing you to drop the debris into the bin, without the dust cloud you can get when you empty a cylinder.

Without the weight or cord holding you back, you can glide from carpet to hard- oor without stopping, unplugging or changing any settings.

The OfAltogether Village

As the world is gripped by the refugee crisis, there’s one community in a quiet corner of Greece that’s becoming a blueprint for a global society

WORDS AND PHOTOS

BY CRAIG STENNETT

FADE, A 40-YEAR-OLD TELECOMMUNICATIONS OFFICER from the outskirts of Damascus, Syria, is tending to his vegetable patch in a refugee camp known as PIKPA, on the Greek island of Lesbos.

“I plant this garden with vegetables for those who come after me,” he says, while gently tilling the soil in the morning sunshine. “My family and I will have travelled on by the time these are ready to eat, but the next refugees who come here can benefit from it.

“I had a villa with land and horses, but the war changed all of that. When I sit here, my mind is still in Syria with our friends who haven’t been able to leave. We know Europe isn’t a paradise. If the war ends, we’ll return—my life is in Syria. But for now we need safety.”

PIKPA IS THE NAME of an old social welfare holiday camp for children established in 1938, situated a few hundred yards from the Aegean Sea in Lesbos, Greece. The site had long been closed when, in September 2012, a loose group of individuals and local NGOs established a self-help network, initially perceived as an antidote to the social and economic devastation in Greece after the 2009 banking collapse. They called their group “The Village of Altogether”.

Driven by its ethos of solidarity and mutual support for all people, the group approached the mayor of Mytilini—the island’s biggest town— and asked that PIKPA be used as a facility to accommodate the refugees drawn to Greek shores from war-torn countries such as Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq and others.

The Village of Altogether now runs

this camp as a haven and hospitality centre under the principle that all people should be treated with dignity. The autonomous group lacks any national or European funding. It has over a hundred affiliated members on Lesbos, but an active core of around just ten to 15 people.

They provide accommodation for the most vulnerable refugees; the disabled, injured, elderly, pregnant women, single women with children and family groups with very young infants are, if possible, referred to PIKPA. Volunteers offer food, clothes, hygienic facilities, medical help and legal counselling. Most importantly, they offer a warm and open welcome.

MYTILINI RESIDENT Efi

Latsoudi is a long-time volunteer at PIKPA, active in The Village of Altogether since the beginning. While fielding various

calls on her mobile and simultaneously coordinating the distribution of dry clothing for newly arrived refugees, she recalls, “Last week it was like a war zone. We had 20,000 hungry and tired refugees on the island with no information from the government on where they should go and what the correct procedure for their registration was. [Each refugee who arrives in Greece must be registered as a legal refugee before they can continue their journey into greater Europe.]

“The situation here keeps changing. The lack of information just creates panic among these vulnerable people. It’s actually quite simple: you need to have a set plan for administering and processing everyone, and then stick to it.”

The island—with a population of 80,000—is still receiving around a thousand new asylum seekers each day. There’s no end in sight as warfare still haunts the Middle East. In fact, Europe is now experiencing its biggest

Fade sits with his 18-month-old son Mohammed in PIKPA. “My mind is still in Syria”

movement of people since the end of the Second World War.

Dimitria Ippioty is a 25-year-old voluntary nurse. She’s unpaid and on call practically 24 hours a day, seven days a week. “I don’t believe that these people wanted to leave their home, but they have no choice,” she says when asked what motivated her. “It’s war. The only solution is to somehow stop these wars, so people can go home. Until then, we must do the best we can to help.”

While examining an elderly man who’s just arrived, she adds, “We have a lot of people injured during the crossing, legs cut open as they scramble over the rocks to shore. There’s also a high amount of mental trauma caused by what they’ve seen and been through, including the inhuman treatment they’ve suffered on their journey.”

There is, for example, six-yearold Abdul Masavee with his sister, parents and grandmother. The family came from Bamiyan in the central highlands of Afghanistan. They crossed the Aegean Sea from Turkey in a flimsy, dinghy-type boat, described by a volunteer as “bits of rubber with the glue coming apart as they cross the water”. Their dinghy was so overloaded with people that Abdul’s leg got broken when he was trampled underfoot in the crowded conditions.

Today, Abdul is riding the wheelchair provided by PIKPA down to the

beach for the Masavee family’s firstever experience of swimming in an ocean. This scene looks so joyous that one may forget the hardships they’ve endured as a family.

AROUND 7AM is the usual time for the first boats of the day coming from Turkey to appear on the horizon. That’s why Joel Johansson, a 42-year-old headmaster from Sweden, and Angelos Bilios, an air-traffic controller from Athens, have left Mytilini at 5am heading for a high point of land on the coast near Molivos, which has become the

IT’S WAR. THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO SOMEHOW STOP THESE WARS. UNTIL THEN, WE MUST DO THE BEST WE CAN TO HELP

look-out point used by volunteers to spot the incoming boats.

Both men are using their holiday time to volunteer for PIKPA. They’re standing together with a small group of fellow volunteers, overlooking the narrow ocean gap between Greece and Turkey. British couple Eric and Philippa Kempson are also there, as they have been every morning for the last eight months.

forbidding any assistance to crossing refugees, even if it’s just in the form of navigational aid.

Hege Bjornebye and Katrine Vatne, both from Norway, are already at the scene on Limantziki beach, waving some discarded orange lifejackets to give the boats a point of reference for landing. “This is apparently illegal” says Hege, with a hint of irony in her voice, referring to the Greek law

The three boats come in swiftly one after the other. As usual, children are passed over to be taken ashore first, then it becomes rather unscripted and everyone scrambles out. Joel has already started to distribute water and tries to establish whether any of this mixed party of Syrians and Afghans speaks English. Once a speaker is found, essential details can be passed on and shared with the whole group.

For a moment, the scene on the beach is one of jubilation and relief. Hassat Abdul Haman, a 22-year-old Syrian, has dropped to his knees and

Hege Bjomebye from Norway uses her holiday time to volunteer on Lesbos; (right) 22-year-old Hassat Abdul Haman from Syria arrives safely on Lesbos after crossing the Aegean Sea

is thanking God for his safe passage. He and his group have travelled from Syria through Kurdistan and Turkey to here. Both his father and brother have been killed in the war in Syria. Others too are overcome with emotion, and tears of relief and joy are shed.

Hege sums up what many of the aid volunteers are feeling: “All we’ve done is stretch out a hand of friendship and they’re so grateful for that.”

THE REFUGEES WILL NOW have to walk two-and-a-half miles to the first rallying point, where water, food and clothes are distributed. Hopefully, but not always, buses will take them from there to Oxi, a further rallying point.

This bus service is actually quite a new phenomenon and is a result of some of the bigger players in the aid world, such as Action Aid and Doctors without Borders, coming to the island. Before, everyone—men,

A refugee collapses at the Moria Registration Centre, weakened by the journey in 34C heat; (below) a refugee child plays in the grounds of PIKPA

women, children, the disabled and the injured—would have had to walk as best as they could the 25 miles to Moria to be registered and then to Mytilini port for the passage to mainland Greece.

Tragically, not all of the boats make it to shore. The International Organisation for Migration estimates that of the 430,000 men, women and children who have crossed the Mediterranean waters to mainland

Europe so far this year, 2,748 have drowned or gone missing. Bearing witness to this loss of life is Saint Panteleimos Cemetery, set on the hillside above the port of Mytilini. Here, the bodies washed ashore on Lesbos are buried.

“One of the worst projects is the graves,” explains Efi Latsoudi. “We want to bury people with a bit of dignity. Because of the financial situation here in Greece, the refugees have to dig the graves themselves for those who have drowned. We’ve persuaded a sympathetic local undertaker to transport the bodies to the cemetery for free, and the refugees hold a ceremony for the deceased that they find appropriate.”

Graves of refugees who perished at sea. Many of them are marked agnostos, Greek for “unknown”. DNA samples have been taken to identify who’s buried here

Most of the graves are marked as “unknown”, since usually no documents are found with the bodies washed ashore. “The hospital since 2009 have taken DNA samples, so maybe at a later date they can be identified,” adds Efi.

BACK AT PIKPA, there’s a happier atmosphere in the air. Children are playing freely on swings and merry-go-rounds in the camp grounds, while the adults take on the care and duty of keeping PIKPA spotless before cooking the

evening meal. Three-year-old Norsarine Masavee, rummaging among the donated children’s toys, has discovered a music box. As she opens it, it’s the melody of Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy”—of all tunes—that can be heard.

As the sound of this optimistic hymn—which is now the official anthem of the EU—drifts across the camp, Joel Johannson quietly articulates the universal sentiments of those who are bearing witness to this almost-biblical exodus of refugees: “We are all actually in this together.”

For details of how to donate to PIKPA, go to readersdigest.co.uk

How To Bag An Investment Bargain Abroad

WITH UK PROPERTY PRICES ON

THE RISE and mortgage rates still relatively low, buying an investment property abroad is a real alternative to buying in the UK.

Foreign languages and di erent property buying processes may seem daunting, but with careful research and expert advice, you’ll soon be enjoying the bene ts of your new investment property.

Where To Buy

Do your research of popular holiday destinations; while you may enjoy a

farmhouse retreat in rural France, others may be interested in renting a Portuguese apartment next to beaches and shops. Most Brits search for Spanish property according to Rightmove Overseas, followed by properties in France, the US and Portugal.

What To Budget For

As well as paying tax on income in the UK, you may have to pay tax in the country where the property is located, so be sure you understand local legalities and tax laws. Many agents

o er free guides with country-speci c information. Consider using a property management agent to ensure your investment is properly maintained and your rental holidaymakers enjoy quality service. Plus there may be times when the property isn’t being rented out, so budget for o -peak seasons.

Local Currency vs UK Pounds

It’s wise to consider using an online money transfer service. ey will have dedicated team of dealers and currency experts who help you get the best exchange rates and ensure you incur lower charges.

Find A Good Team Of Specialists

You want the buying process to run smoothly and at an acceptable rate, so nd reputable specialists and professionals you can trust with your nances. Indeed, if you get the right specialists, you may not even have to see the property at all; Rightmove Overseas claims 7% of people buy without ever visiting the area!

By applying the same diligence to buying property abroad as you would to buying property in the UK, you will find the process isn’t as hard as it first seems. So enjoy your research, talk to the experts and then relax and live your dreams with your new investment.

If you’re looking to transfer money to buy a property abroad, or you simply want to find out more about transferring money abroad, call us today on 020 7614 4136. One of our experts will be delighted to discuss your exchange rates and money transfer requirements.

Could You Be Hit By A Financial Shock?

Life can sometimes bowl us a googly—and it’s wise to have back-up to support yourself during difficult times

B Y A N d Y W EBB

Andy Webb is a money expert at the Money Advice Service. Visit money adviceservice. org.uk for details

Bereavement, losing a joB, illness or accidents can affect us in many ways, but they can also all have a significant impact on the money we earn and have available to spend.

They’re not topics we often like to think or talk about, but the unfortunate truth is that there’s a very real chance the worst could happen to you—and it could rock your finances. So how can you protect your lifestyle, and that of anyone who relies on you, from money traumas?

Build an emergency fund

A useful rainy-day fund would have enough to cover at least one month’s essential outgoings, while enough money to cover three months’ expenses would make you more comfortable while you readjust to the new situation. This is only a short-term solution, and it’s possible you could be without income for longer if the worst does happen.

Consider protection insurance

This may not be suitable for everyone, but it’s definitely worth considering to ensure you can live how you want. There are different forms of protection insurance depending on the circumstances you want to cover. These include:

■ Income-protection insurance, which provides support if you’re unable to work.

■ Life insurance, which gives financial support to dependents if you die.

■ Critical-illness cover, which supports you if you’re diagnosed with a serious illness.

■ Short-term income protection, which might help if you’re unable to work for a short time.

Any payout could help cover things such as mortgage payments and bills while you’re not working. If you had a life-changing injury you might need to make adjustments to your home, so you could put the money towards that. Make sure you check

the details of the policy because some pay monthly, while others offer a lump sum.

Struggling to find the money?

The biggest reason people don’t put money into savings or take out income-protection insurance is the belief they can’t afford it.

Though it’s difficult for many to make ends meet, if you’re worried about how you and your family would cope without an income— whether short- or long-term—it’s probably worth really examining your finances to see if there are ways to put aside a little extra cash.

The InterestOnly Mortgage Struggle

Interest-only mortgages aren’t so common nowadays—but there are almost a million people with one who don’t know how they’ll pay it off when the term ends.

Here are some options to help if you’re worried about yours.

Talk To your morTgage lender

The sooner the better. This might let you extend the mortgage term while you build up savings, or help you switch to a different mortgage.

Try To come up wiTh a suiTable repaymenT plan

You might be able to use money from a pension pot (if you’re over 55),

investments, proceeds from selling a second home and, of course, any savings you have.

see if you can pay any capiTal Some interest-only mortgages will let you overpay towards the capital, which means you’ll have less to pay off at the end—as well as reducing the interest each month.

see if swiTching To a repaymenT morTgage will help You’ll start to pay off some of the capital each month. You might also be able to move to a part-interest-only, part-repayment deal. Repayments will be higher each month, so make sure you can afford it.

Would A 0% Balance Transfer Card Work For You?

A 0% Balance Transfer credit card helps you avoid high interest rates on an existing credit card by transferring the money already owed over to a credit card that offers 0% interest for a limited period.

However, that 0% doesn’t mean it’s totally free—there’s a cost to using one and some rules to keep in mind. But if you follow the steps below, one of these cards could give you space and time to pay off your debt without adding up the interest you owe.

work ouT The Transfer fee

You normally pay a percentage of the balance you want to move as a fee. So transferring £1,000 to a 0% Balance Transfer card with a fee of 3% would cost £30. This fee could be less than what you pay in interest on your current card, so it could still be a cheaper option.

make The minimum paymenTs aT The very leasT

As with any credit card, you need to make a minimum payment each month. Fail to do this and you’ll be hit with penalties. Though the minimum will suffice, paying as much as you can afford instead will clear the debt more quickly.

In theory, you could keep transferring your balance when each deal ends. But this is a risk as you could be rejected for a new card and stuck with a large debt to pay.

don’T use iT for spending

Unlike a 0% purchase card, the interest-free offer is only on the money you transfer across. Unless you pay off the new spending in full each month, you’ll get charged interest on any new borrowing.

Balancing The Pension Pot Equation

THE 2015 PENSION CHANGES LIBERATED UK RETIREES from the shackles of low-annuity returns by providing the freedom of directly withdrawing from a lifetime of savings instead.

While these pension reforms present the chance to take control of your finances for a rewarding lifestyle, some retirees are settling for a consolation prize-style retirement on an average monthly income of just £1,000.1

On average, a considerable chunk of monthly expenditure goes on mortgage repayments, typically equating to a 47% slice of a fixed income. What’s left may not constitute a disposable income for the more enjoyable things such as holidays or get-togethers.

TAKING A DIFFERENT VIEW OF YOUR HOME

There is a saving grace for this

pension-pot equation, though. As property prices have risen 537% in 30 years,2 your decision to invest in your home was a sensible one. However, if traditional routes are followed, then the only beneficiaries of this investment will be the heirs to your estate, when in fact the money could be of more use to you now.

TAKING YOUR EQUITY BACK OUT

Considerable developments in the world of equity release mean that if you’d like to take out some of the money you’ve invested in your home over the years, you’re now able to do so in a safe and controlled manner.

Regulated financial tools such as Lifetime Mortgages offer you a percentage of the value of your home as a loan, which doesn’t need to be repaid during your lifetime and ensures that you retain full home ownership for life.

EQUITY RELEASE

The tax-free funds can be spent as you please, maybe on home improvements or for a family wedding, or you may just want to balance your books and prop up your income.

WHAT ARE THE FACTS?

Lifetime Mortgages are designed to allow asset-rich, cash-poor homeowners to unlock some property wealth at a fixed-interest rate. Their increasing popularity reflects the work

that has gone into making a safe and flexible long-term financial planning tool.

The facts are simple: by taking money out of your property now, there will of course be less for later, and by having more money in the bank, any entitlement to means-tested state benefits can be affected. However, with specialist advice compulsory before a plan is taken out, these facts are clearly and openly discussed in person.

This is a Lifetime Mortgage. To understand the features and risks, ask for a Personalised Illustration. The Reader’s Digest equity release service is provided by Retiredom, which is a trading style of Responsible Life Limited. Only if you chose to proceed and your case completes will Responsible Life Limited charge a fee for advice, currently £1,295.

1Partnership 2Nationwide House Price Index

Easy-to-prepare meals and accompanying drinks

Turkey, Leek And Stilton Pie

By Rachel walke R

Rachel is a food writer and blogs at thefoodieat.org

Repu R posing leftove R s is su R ely one of the most enjoyable kitchen activities, and there’s nothing more magical than turning turkey leftovers into a comforting dish to soothe during the post-Christmas slump. Not only does this recipe use up leftover turkey, but it also sees off any dry, crumbly bits of blue cheese that might be lingering from the Christmas Day cheeseboard.

Serves 4

• 40g butter

• 40g plain flour

• 400ml turkey stock (or chicken/vegetable stock)

• 1 large leek, sliced and thoroughly rinsed

• 200–400g leftover turkey, pulled off the carcass

1. Preheat the oven to 200C.

• 320g ready-made puff pastry

• 40g blue cheese, crumbled

• 1tbsp crème fraîche or double cream (optional)

• ½tsp freshly ground pepper

• 1 egg, beaten

2. Melt the butter in a pan, on a medium heat. Add the plain flour and stir, to create the base of a roux.

3. Stir on a low-medium heat for 1 minute, until the colour changes from a pale, buttery yellow to a slightly darker straw colour—don’t let it brown though!

4. Add one ladle of stock and stir it vigorously with a wooden spoon until it’s all been absorbed.

5. Now add the rest of the stock, ladle by ladle, stirring constantly until you have a smooth sauce.

6. Once all the stock has been added, heat it until just belowsimmering, always stirring. This will slightly thicken the sauce. Now remove it from the heat.

7. Start the leeks cooking by putting them in a covered, microwavable dish with a splash of water for 1 minute. Alternatively, steam

TIPS…

them in a covered pan for 1 minute.

8. Drain the leeks and add them to the sauce, along with the blue cheese, leftover turkey, pepper and cream or crème fraîche, if you’re using it.

9. Divide the pie filling between four ovenproof dishes, or tip it into a fourperson pie dish.

There’s no need to season this recipe with salt—blue cheeses like Stilton already have a very high salt content.

10. Roll the pastry and cut it to form a lid for the dish or dishes. Lay it on top and use your fingers to crimp the edges.

11. Brush the pastry with the egg and put in the oven for 20 minutes, until the puff-pastry lid is risen and golden.

A Touch Of Sparkle

the battle of the bubbles is on. As part of ongoing “investigations”, my granddad initiates a blind tasting on Christmas Day each year—he browses for bottles of champagne, prosecco, cava and sparkling wine around the £8–£15 mark. Not once in the past five years has the champagne won our vote, and when you start browsing sparkling wines round a similar price point, you find bottles with real finesse.

the Wine society’s crémant du jura is great value—dry and light with apple notes. corney & barrow’s sparkling blanc de blancs is also a stalwart—an elegant

and well-balanced fizz, as is prosecco cavatina from Roberson Wine, which drops in value at case price.

So when it comes to splashing out on Christmas fizz this year, explore the great bottles within the sparklingwine category instead.

Rachel Recommends...

■ Crémant du Jura Brut, Domaine de Montbourgeau NV, The wine society, £11.95

■ Sparkling Blanc

de Blancs NV, corney & Barrow, £12.50

■ NV Prosecco Spumante di Conegliano Extra Dry DOCG, Azienda Frassinelli, davis Bell mccraith, £10.99

lasT oRdeRs BefoRe chRisTmas

■ corney & Barrow: monday, december 14 (020 7265 2430)

Free delivery on orders over £100 and £7.50 for orders under.

■ The wine society: friday (midnight), december 18 (01438 741 177)

Free delivery on orders over £75 and £5 for orders under.

■ Davis Bell McCraith: Monday 14 December (0117 3709 930)

Delivery at a flat fee of £6.99.

■ Roberson Wine: Friday 18 December (check nearer the time!) (020 7381 7870) Free delivery on orders over £100 and £7.50 for orders under.

Pudding of the Month

Christmas Pudding

Ice Cream

Serves 4

• 200g leftover Christmas pudding

• 500g vanilla custard

• Optional: caramel sauce

1. Crumble the leftover Christmas pudding into little chunks about the size of a Malteser.

2. Stir the Christmas pudding into the custard.

3. Pour the mixture into an ice-cream maker and churn according to instructions. (Alternatively, pour into an empty litre ice-cream container and put straight into the freezer. Chill for 20 minutes and then stir every half hour until the ice cream has firmly frozen).

4. Serve with optional caramel sauce.

Party-Perfect Bites by milli taylor, Amazon, £12.79. The best canapé book out there.

BUdGeT

traditional enamel bake ware, Lakeland, from £2.49. A bargain option to Falconware.

Blow-oUT

the christmas silver sixpence, £20, Royal Mint. Sure, £20 is a big mark-up on a sixpence, but think of the luck it’ll bring when you find it in the Christmas pud.

BY LYNDA CLARK

Lynda Clark is a homes, property and interiors expert, and is editor of First Time Buyer magazine

A Place For Festivity

IT’S THE TIME OF YEAR that’s filled with food— and you can go to town when it comes to laying the table:

■ Pick a colour theme that reflects the other decorations in the home so that everything co-ordinates.

■ Create a centrepiece to be the focus of the table. Even some simple, fresh holly will make a real impact.

■ Include place settings to add a personal touch.

12-piece gold-band dinner set, £35; gold charger, £1.50; 16-piece cutlery set, £12; gold napkin, £4 for 2; wine glass, £7 for 2; hi-ball glass, £5 for 2; beaded placemat, £12 for 2; gold-glitter rose, £3 for 3; luxury champagne and glitter fan crackers, £18 for 6; glass-dome decoration, £3.50; Christmas scene tealight holder, £4.

■ All available at Tesco (tesco.com)

Deck The Halls

Inspiring decorations to add that special Christmas sparkle.

■ Church tree decoration, £5, BHS, bhs.co.uk

■ Fireplace decoration, £6, Tesco, tesco.com

■ Felt advent calendar, £22, Debenhams, debenhams.com

■ Sequin decoration, £2.40, Paperchase, paperchase.co.uk

TALKING TREES!

There’s nothing quite like a traditional Christmas tree. Marcus Dunn, director of The Christmas Decorators London & Surrey, shares his top tips for choosing yours:

■ Go to a tree farm. They tend to be freshly cut so last longer.

■ Buy a tree without the netting on so you can see its shape.

■ Lots of decorations? Choose a Nordman Fir as it has stronger branches than a spruce.

■ Don’t leave your tree in a warm room—or even worse by a radiator—as it will die.

■ Cut an inch off the bottom of your tree and put in water.

Clever stocking fillers for plant-loving folk

King and queen mugs, £8 each, Marks & Spencer (marksand spencer.com)

Plantable herb seed paper Christmas trees, £14.99 for a pack of 25, Wildflower Favours (wildflower-favours. co.uk)

Green-fingered Goddess, £40, The Great Gift Company (thegreatgiftcompany. co.uk)

© OLIVER GORDON

There’s a hi-tech present for everyone— and every budget—this Christmas

The Gadget Gift Guide

By olly mann

Olly is a technology expert, LBC presenter and Answer Me

This! podcaster

under £75 amazon

Fire TV STick, £35 Tired of watching Transparent on a tablet perched precariously on your knees? Shove this dongle into your telly and, hey presto, view iPlayer, Netflix and Amazon Prime Instant Video on the big screen (provided you have a HMDI port and decent wi-fi), using the remote control included. Then, cart your dustgathering DVD box sets off to the charity shop and put your feet up.

£75–£250 FiTBiT charge hr, £99

Casual joggers and full-on fitness freaks alike will welcome this sports wristband that tracks your calorie-burning, regardless of whether you’re mid-marathon or simply stepping out to the shops. Summaries of your heartrate and sleep patterns automatically sync with the included app, so you can monitor your stats.

£250+ iPhone 6S, From £539

Inside Apple’s latest phone lurks their fastest-ever processor and a new way to interact with apps, by “pushing” the screen instead of tapping. Videos are now 4K, the screen doubles as a flash for stronger selfies and the Live Photos feature captures moving footage with each image taken.

under £75 auguST mS515 PorTaBle

BlueTooTh SPeakerS, £45

What’s a better stocking filler than a bluetooth speaker? Why, two, of course! This pair of rechargeable triangular speakers create cracking stereo sound from your smartphone. Each about the size of a drinks can, they’re a little too large to function as travel speakers and not truly wireless (the left and right speakers are connected via cable.) But for a home office or man cave, they’re the perfect combination of discretion, style and power.

£75–£250 Jr 8000 S Whole FruiT

SloW Juicer, £200

Ready for “slow juicing”? If you’re the kind of guy who got stuck into the phenomenon of “slow food” a few years back and spend your summers slowly turning over a joint of meat on the barbeque, the answer is probably “yes”, even if you don’t know it yet. This is the slimmest machine on the market, and turns whole fruits, vegetables and nuts to delicious liquid with admirable ease, wringing every last drop of juice from raw ingredients.

Modern men, you see, make their own almond milk.

£250+ PanaSonic lumix

dmc-gF7 £429.99

Gorgeous retro stylings, rapid response times and a tilting touchscreen for selfies—there’s very little one could want from a pocketsized snapper that this 16MP delight doesn’t deliver. True, video resolution is Full HD rather than 4K, but that’s what keeps the price under £500. And the photo quality—the most important measure, after all, in most people’s minds —is closer to digital SLR standards than those you’d normally see from a compact. A pictureperfect winner.

£75–£250 anki oVerdriVe, £149

This Scalextric-style racing track cunningly introduces video-game elements to keep the 21st-century child entertained: the cars are controlled via smartphone and you can “shoot” other motors out of the race using your screen. But ultimately it’s a real, physical slot-car game of the type most middle-aged dads memorialise through a nostalgic haze, and huzzah for that. With only two cars in the starter kit, the “boys” might have to take turns.

under £75 ThumBSuP!

SPy Pen, £34.99

When I was a tyke, I had to make do with red-and-green “X-Ray glasses” collected from cereal-box promotions, but today’s junior spies can get stuck in to some serious surveillance.

£250+ meccano g15 kS, £349

If they can stop showing it off to everyone at school, that is. Disguised as a pen, this actually contains a video camera, 4GB of internal memory and a USB connector to upload your top-secret footage. Oh, and a pen.

It’s also a pen.

An educational toy that’s kick-ass fun? It’s been promised before, but this innovation might just be the real deal. By assembling it you learn programming, coding and design skills, but also patience: with over 1,100 pieces, it’s certainly not going to be cobbled together in ten minutes on Boxing Day. When fully realised, however, this four-foot-tall robot talks to you, learns your characteristics, repeats your movements and responds to over 100 voice commands. The ultimate construction toy.

under £75 gPo aTTache record Player, £69

In this world of streaming digital media, it seems silly to recommend a record player as a Christmas gift. But the trend back towards vinyl LPs has now hit the tech market. Why dig out granny’s old record player from the loft when you can buy a cute reproduction that won’t catch fire when you plug it in? There’s a 2015 twist, too: a built-in USB port, so you can transfer that cool charity-shop vinyl to MP3 format and take your tunes with you. It’s the best of both worlds, seamlessly combined.

£75–£250 STar WarS

BB-8 droid, £129

For years, Sphero have produced adorable, yet rather pointless, appcontrolled spherical robots. Yet only now they’ve teamed up with Disney has the potential become clear: your own droid! Rolling autonomously around your house! Like the one in the new Star Wars film! At a stroke, the gadget has gained character and purpose (and desirability: expect them to sell out). And Jedi mind tricks too: point your smartphone at it to record a “holographic message”.

£250+ lenoVo yoga TaB 3 Pro 10", From £399

Frankly, the best tablet out there remains the iPad Air 2. But that’s an obvious choice and the one your mum would get. The Yoga Tab 3 Pro, by contrast, is a real talking point. It has a built-in stand, so it can be propped up on any surface to function as a telly or even hung from a wall as a photo frame. It has a rotating camera, so your selfies are in the same high resolution as your other snaps. And the big wow: it has an integrated pico projector, so you can beam your movies on to the wall.

By Geor G ina yates

Georgina is a fashion and beauty editor for numerous travel titles and a blogger at withgeorgia.com

Shaken And Stirred: The Art Of Perfumery

“We Believe that the future of luxury lie S in craft SM an S hip,” state Edouard Roschi and Fabrice Penot, the founders of Le Labo. Their incredible apothecary-cum-perfume store invites customers to be a part of the art of perfumery—an indulgence that big brands simply can’t offer.

The Marylebone venue looks less like a perfume shop and more like an artisan science laboratory. Customers are invited to perch atop high stools at the bar and sniff the raw ingredients until they find the one that clicks.

Metallica

Add a touch of frost to your look.

■ Marks & Spencer’s knitted dress is warm and stylish (£39.50; marksandspencer.com).

■ Heels hurting? These metallic loafers from Dune offer comfy glamour (£75; dunelondon.com).

■ Bobbi Brown’s Sterling Nights palette will make your eyes sparkle (£59; bobbibrown.co.uk).

The founders stand firmly by their aforementioned principle in everything they do. The raw ingredients, such as roses from Grasse (France), are hand-picked during a three-week window in May when they are at their loveliest. The 14 house scents, plus their exclusive London perfume Poivre 23 (which is only available in the city), are made to order by lab technicians on site. This means the basic elements, oils and alcohol are all kept separate until the final moment when they are shaken (or stirred) together, by hand.

Finding your fragrance is a personal journey, and what’s more, perfume often smells completely different on another person’s skin. A trip to La Labo is a wonderful experience.

■ Visit lelabofragrances.com for more details

Men’s wear

Let’s not forget that men need a little pampering sometimes. this Christmas, treat the man of the house to a little tLC

■ Origins’ save the Males oil-free moisturiser (£29; origins. co.uk) is the shining star of their Origins for Men collection. More like a balm than a cream, it’s highly effective on freshly shaven skin.

■ For those who suffer from oily complexions and find creams irritating, try L’Occitane’s Cedrat Global Face Gel (£28; uk.loccitane.com). The gel formula hydrates like a moisturiser would, but at the same time helps to mattify excess oil.

■ Organic brand Green People produce a wonderful range for men with sensitive skin. Their organic homme 7 active Fix repair serum (£16.50; greenpeople.co.uk) works hard on fine lines while also leaving skin refreshed.

Pearls Of Wisdom

a pearl necklace i S a cla SS ic c hri St M a S gift, and jeweller Kate Wood’s gorgeous freshwater pearl pieces combine the stone’s timeless appeal with a modern design that can be worn by all generations.

For Kate Wood, making jewellery was a hobby that became her fulltime vocation: “I fell into a career in museum curation after completing a French degree. There were aspects of the job I loved, but ultimately I always wanted to work for myself and create things.”

Kate is largely self-taught, but you’d never have guessed looking at her incredibly intricate designs. Precious beads such as freshwater pearls, pyrite, amethyst and lapis are precisely woven together with chains, forming delicate clusters

that are so neat they almost look as if they’ve formed naturally. “There’s a degree of happy accident about many of my pieces,” she says. “The ‘woven’ technique enables me to create different forms, from large bulbous clusters to flat, flexible, textured areas.”

The “cluster” design really makes Kate’s work unique and is testament to her talent.

■ Visit katewoodjewellery.com for more details

DreaM CrèMe

Jo Malone is best known for its perfume and candles. However, their unscented Vitamin E beauty range is absolutely brilliant, though often overlooked. I’ve been converted by their Vitamin e Moisturising day Crème (£52; jomalone.co.uk). It’s a rich daily moisturiser that’s notably gentle on the eyes. Even my mother loves it!

Christmas is the perfect setting for a collection of short stories and a traditionally plotted tale of loves lost and found

December Fiction

James writes and presents the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff b y J AME s

A Snow Garden and Other Stories

by Rachel Joyce (Doubleday, £9.99)

Ever since her hugely successful first novel

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry, Rachel Joyce has shown a rare ability to convey—with remarkable lightness of touch—the powerful emotions at work in seemingly quiet lives.

Now she shows it again, this time with seven interlinked stories, all set over the Christmas period and with minor characters (or just people mentioned) in one story becoming major characters in another. In the first tale, for example, as Binny struggles to get everything ready for Christmas after her partner has left her, she briefly remembers her old friend Alice. In the second, Alice takes centre stage, with her marriage suddenly (if understandably) turning sour when she and her husband have to put their son’s new bike together on Christmas Eve.

Not surprisingly, this method gives A Snow Garden more coherence than most short-story collections, especially when the final tale deftly brings us the latest news from all concerned. What’s surprising, however, is that it never feels

NAME THE AUTHoR

(Answer on p128)

Can you guess the writer from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?

1. In 1952, his Collected Poems became a best-seller.

2. He died in New York aged 39.

3. His prose works include A Child’s Christmas in Wales

contrived or intrusive. Nor does it affect the quality of the individual stories, each of which is warmhearted and entirely satisfying in its own right.

Meet Me in Manhattan by Claudia Carroll (Avon, £7.99)

Christmas also looms large in the new novel from one of Ireland’s best-selling novelists. The heroine is Holly, who, despite her festive name, has unhappy memories of what she calls “C-Day”—though we don’t find out why until the end. Meanwhile, she tries to distract herself from the approach of the latest C-Day by doing a spot of internet dating with a hunky American pilot.

Unfortunately, Holly then discovers that the airline he supposedly works for has no record of him—and in a quest to solve the mystery, flies to New York on December 23. In the event, the solution doesn’t take long, but the trip does provide her with a real man (in every sense) to fall for. Not, of course, that everything goes smoothly from there…

For my money, Meet Me in Manhattan perhaps follows the usual template a little too closely, complete with Holly’s funny gay friend, the hero’s “crinkly-eyed smile” and lashings of dry white wine. Even so, it’s an undeniably appealing tale.

CHildREN’s books

■ Tom Gates—Top of the Class (Nearly) by l Pichon (scholastic, £10.99). Latest in the very funny series that—speaking from personal experience—is one of the few guaranteed ways to persuade eight-year-old boys to read alone.

■ William at Christmas by Richmal Crompton (Macmillan, £6.99). Tom’s more mischiefmaking predecessor in a new edition of his Christmas adventures. It’ll also appeal to adult nostalgics.

■ The Adventures of Miss Petitfour by Anne Michaels (bloomsbury, £10.99). Michaels, an established adult author, turns to children’s fiction with equal aplomb in this playful collection about a flying baker.

■ A Boy Called Christmas by Matt Haig (Canongate, £12). An affecting tale of how a boy called Nikolas grew up to become Father Christmas, as imagined by the award-winning children’s author. It’s amazing that no one’s had the idea before now.

His memoirs read like a who’s who of the Golden Age of Hollywood—yet this movie star remains remarkably unaffected Rd’s RECoMMENdEd REAd

Marilyn, Movies, Memories

“I’ve made more than a hundred movIes,” writes Burt Reynolds in his new memoir. “I’m proud of maybe five of them.” In fact, though, if it hadn’t been for a car crash that ended his promising football career as a teenager, he might have made none at all. Only then did an inspirational teacher suggest that he take up acting.

Nonetheless, this isn’t one of those memoirs that spends much time agonising about its author’s early life. Instead, from about page 40 onwards, it becomes what I suspect most readers will be hoping for: six decades’ worth of chatty, often gossipy showbiz history.

Admittedly, the result does feel like a rather random series of Burt’s memories. Then again, as memories go, Burt’s are pretty

Burt Reynolds —But Enough About Me is out now, published by Blink at £20.

hard to beat. Section after section begins with such phrases as, “I once sat in a restaurant with Woody Allen,” or, “I met Liza Minnelli in 1975.” His friends over the years have included Bette Davis, Spencer Tracy and Robert Mitchum, while among the people he hasn’t been so keen on are Raquel Welsh, Marlon Brando—and his

own wife Loni Anderson. (“The truth is, I never did like her.”)

More impressively still, he manages all this without appearing in the least bit self-important, and not just because of his cheery dismissal of a lot of his own films. When Catherine Deneuve seems to want a relationship, he demurs on the grounds that he thinks she’s “out of his league”—although this might not delight the many women he mentions who apparently weren’t.

But the book being the way it is, perhaps the best way to give you a flavour is from a few of its memorable snippets…

Elvis came to New York for the premiere of his first movie Love Me Tender (1956). Over the marquee of the Paramount Theatre in Times Square there was a cut-out of him that must have been 50 feet tall. People lined up around the block and there were barricades to hold back the girls waiting since early morning to catch a glimpse of the King. I didn’t know Elvis, but we had a mutual friend, so I ended up playing poker with him.

At one point he asked one of his gofers, ‘When’s the new Chrysler coming out?’

‘I think today.’

Elvis handed him a wad of cash and said, ‘Go get one.’

‘Any special colour?’

‘Nah,’ Elvis said. ‘I don’t care.’

bURT ANd CHRis EVERT: MoRE FRoM BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME

I was at “21” [a celebrated New York restaurant] and Chris was across the room with a girlfriend. The waiter handed me a note from her: “You’re staying at my hotel. Would you call me?” I sent back a note: “I didn’t know you owned the hotel. But I shall call you tonight.” I did and we started to go out and had wonderful times together.

I played tennis with her once. I hadn’t played growing up, but I was fast, and after two games I was doing OK.

“I feel pretty good. I got three points,” I said.

“Well,” she said, “in that case I’ll play right-handed now.”

I was furious. “How dare you do that to me?” I said.

“I thought you’d think it was fun,” she said.

“It wasn’t fun at all. I want you to play right-handed and I want you to play the best you can.”

So she played right-handed, and I didn’t win a point.

Mae West knew how the movie business operated and how to pull the levers. She was in her late seventies when she stood in a receiving line at the premiere of Myra Breckinridge (1970). A parade of Hollywood heavyweights went by and they all came away saying, ‘Boy, she’s still sharp and she really knows what’s going on.’ Later somebody asked how she managed to make such an impression and she said, ‘It’s simple, I said the same thing to everyone: “Loved your movie.” ’

to the Marine recruiting office in the middle of the night and try to re-enlist.

One night Lee and I went for drinks and he got smashed and I said, ‘I promised your wife I’d get you back

He’d pick a fight with the toughest guy in the room. Sometimes he got so drunk he couldn’t speak

Lee [Marvin] began to have a problem with alcohol. ‘I quit drinking every morning and I start again every evening,’ he used to say. Like a lot of people, he got physical when he drank. He’d pick a fight with the toughest guy in the room and usually win. Sometimes he got so drunk he couldn’t speak, just wave his arms. Or he’d do crazy things like go down

ANd THE NAME oF

THE AUTHoR is… Dylan thomas. His best-selling recording of A Child’s Christmas in Wales has been credited with starting the audiobook industry.

by one o’clock.’ I dragged him to the car and he got on the roof and wouldn’t come down. I’d had a few drinks myself and I figured, What the hell, it’s late, there’s no traffic, I’ll just go slow. So I drove at about ten miles an hour up the Pacific Coast Highway. I looked in the mirror and saw two cops in a cruiser and thought, Oh, s***! But all they did was drive up beside us and go, ‘Hi, Lee,’ and drive off. I guess they were used to seeing Lee Marvin on the roof of a moving car.

Marilyn Monroe and I were walking down Broadway on our way to the Actors Studio. She was wearing slacks, an old football jersey, and no make-up. As we passed Childs Restaurant, I said, ‘I don’t understand it: we’ve walked three blocks and nobody’s bothered you.’

‘Want to see her?’ Marilyn said. All she did was change her posture and within 20 feet we were mobbed.

It took five cops to get us out of there.

That’s a movie star.

Books

THAT CHA nged my life

Cecelia Ahern has sold over 24 million copies of her novels worldwide. Two of her books, including PS, I Love You, have been adapted as films. Her 12th novel The Marble Collector is out now, published by HarperCollins.

The Celestine Prophecy

by James Redfield

I was only 21 when PS, I Love You became a best-seller. My life turned on its head and I was overwhelmed.

My agent urged me to read The Celestine Prophecy. Although a novel, it’s also a guide to understanding the universe and harnessing positive energy. I’d never read anything like this before and, at that juncture in my life, it made absolute sense to me: I’d written my book and it was up to me to chose which direction to take. It was a truly empowering read.

The Time Traveller’s Wife

by audRey

NiffeNeggeR

This is one of my alltime favourite books; it’s such a beautifully written love story, dark but humorous, and the concept and manner in which

Niffenegger handled the time travel blew me away. Here was a first-time author unafraid to look at the world from a different perspective. My own books were often described as sweet or charming, but reading this gave me the confidence to let my writing reflect more of my quirky nature.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

by susaN CaiN

As an introvert myself, it was lovely to have someone recognise that not talking doesn’t necessarily mean you’re shy or that your mind isn’t engaged. As an author, I live a strange dual life. I spend hours shut away in a room by myself, immersed in my characters. Then, when my book is published, I have to get out there and promote it. Instead of being the observer, I become the observed. That’s tricky.

Quiet has really helped me. As told to Caroline Hutton

You Couldn’t Make It Up

Win £50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

DRIVInG On THe

mOTORWaY, my father was stopped for a very minor offence.

The policeman started to talk, but my father interrupted him and said, “I already know anything I say can and will be used against me...I’m married.” The policeman let him off with a caution.

RIa HaRDInG, Cambridgeshire

“It’s from the debating society”

LIVInG In a seasOnaL TOWn, it’s common to see various people who’ve worked in one shop working in another. You’d think it’d be impossible not to recognise someone—unless you’re a rushed and over-caffeinated mother.

When asked the simple question, “Lovely to see you, how are you?” from an employee who’d served me before in various shops, I drew a blank. I knew this person should be familiar, so replied with, “Oh, hi. Sorry, I didn’t recognise you with those clothes on.”

The rest of staff and customers heard. I’ve never shopped faster in that shop!

TRaCeY WeBB, Devon

mY DaUGHTeR Was aPPROaCHInG THRee when we moved house to a new area. She was a shy girl, but had made a new friend at the local playgroup. I was keen to further this friendship, so had arranged with the girl’s mother to invite the child to our house the next day.

After a discussion with my daughter about getting to know new friends, I concluded with, “So tomorrow we’re

Cartoon by Steve Jone S

going to have Samantha for lunch.”

“What, and eat her?” came the incredulous reply.

WenDY ROBInsOn, Somerset

I BanGeD mY eLBOW and it hurt so much that I really wanted to swear. But with my daughter close by, I just jumped up and down, crying, “Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!”

After about 30 seconds, my daughter shrugged and commented, “I really thought you were going to say s*** then, Mummy!”

Vanessa smITH, Flintshire

manY YeaRs aGO, my next-door neighbour Betty told me a story about her then seven-year-old daughter.

Betty decided to paint the hallway and stairs in her house and donned a pair of old overalls. She wanted to protect her hair from the paint, so looked for something suitable to place on her head. After searching through the cupboard, she grabbed a pair of big pants she had bought during pregnancy and wrapped them round her head.

She put the hanging material in a scrunchy and jokingly said to her daughter, “I don’t want anyone to see me with these on my head— you’ll have to let me know if anyone comes to the front door!”

Betty began the painting and quickly became engrossed in the task, her daughter playing happily in the living room.

Sometime later the doorbell rang. Before Betty could get down the stairs, her daughter opened the front door and shouted at the top of her voice, “Mum, get your knickers off! It’s the milkman.” Betty always said she didn’t know who blushed more—her or the milkman! RaCHeL sHaRPLes, Devon

mY sIsTeR Is PReGnanT WITH TWIns. After her first scan, she came home with an ultrasound picture of the babies. She explained to my son— who was puzzled—that the twins were very tiny, like small eggs.

My son looked at his aunt in amazement and whispered to me, “Is she a chicken now?”

mOLLY BURTOn, Flintshire

aLTHOUGH RenOWneD FOR ITs eXCeLLenT FOOD, our local restaurant is very miserly with its portions. Enjoying my usual Sunday lunch, I overheard the conversation at the next table.

“How did sir find the gammon?” asked the waiter.

“With no problem,” said the chap. “I used to be a detective.”

JOe KILKeR, Gloucestershire

mY sIsTeR DIane was six years old when she sat down next to our aunt and asked her, “Why are you ugly?”

I heard her and told her to go back and apologise to her aunt.

“OK,” she said. “Auntie, sorry you’re so ugly.”

GaRY ROBeRTs, Shropshire

Give the gift of Jamie & get his new book free!

A Jamie magazine subscription makes a brilliant Christmas present. Your friend won’t just get one gift – we’ll send them 10 issues over the year. Not only that, you’ll also get a free copy of Jamie’s new book, Everyday Super Food. Whether you keep it for yourself or give it out as a pressie is entirely up to you!

UK only. No magazines will be delivered before Christmas. The price of £29 is 27% o a year’s worth of issues bought singly. O er closes 31 December 2015. Jamie magazine was awarded International Consumer Media Brand of the Year at the PPA Awards 2015 and is published 10 times per year. ONLY £29!

Order online at jamiemagazine.com/RD15 or call 0800 953 9800 and quote code RD15

IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power

What makes a word beautiful? Is it a melodious sound? An exotic meaning? For whatever reason, the words below appeal to our sense of beauty—though their meanings may not all be pellucid (a pretty word for “clear”). Answers on next page.

BY EMILY COX & HENRY RATHVON

1. lavaliere (lah-vuh-‘leyr) n

A: magma outflow. B: pendant on a chain. C: rider with a lance.

2. flan (‘flan) n—A: custard pudding. B: pizzazz. C: mirror reflection.

3. panoply (‘pa-nuh-plee) n

A: impressive array. B: bouquet. C: folded paper art.

4. gambol (‘gam-buhl) v—A: stake money on a horse. B: frolic about. C: sing in rounds.

5. chalice (‘cha-luhs) n—A: goblet. B: ankle bracelet. C: glass lamp.

6. languorous (‘lan-guh-ruhs)

adj—A: of the tongue. B: in the tropics. C: lackadaisical or listless.

7. pastiche (pas-‘teesh) n—

A: thumbnail sketch. B: fabric softener. C: artistic imitation.

8. opulent (‘ahp-u-lehnt) adj

A: right on time. B: pertaining to vision. C: luxurious.

9. penumbra (peh-‘nuhm-bruh)

n—A: something that covers or shrouds. B: drowsiness. C: goosefeather quill.

10. tendril (‘ten-druhl) n

A: wooden flute. B: spiralling plant sprout. C: clay oven.

11. imbroglio (im-‘brohl-yoh) n

A: complicated mix-up. B: Asian palace. C: oil-painting style.

12. dalliance (‘dal-lee-ents)

n—A: frivolous or amorous play.

B: flourish on a trumpet.

C: blinding light.

13. mellifluous (meh-‘lih-fluh-wuhs)

adj—A: having broad stripes.

B: milky white. C: sweet sounding.

14. diaphanous (diy-‘a-fuh-nuhs)

adj—A: marked by a fine texture.

B: having two wings. C: romantic.

15. recherché (ruh-sher-‘shay)

adj—A: elegant or rare. B: well practiced. C: silent.

Answers

1. lavaliere—[B] pendant on a chain. “The lavaliere around the princess’s neck caught the eye of her suitor.”

2. flan—[A] custard pudding. “We went from restaurant to restaurant, searching for the perfect flan.”

3. panoply—[A] impressive array. “Eli was mesmerised by the panoply of dinosaur fossils at the museum.”

4. gambol—[B] frolic about. “In their leisure time, North Pole elves are known to gambol in the snow.”

5. chalice—[A] goblet. “One chalice contains deadly poison; the other, an all-healing elixir—now choose!”

6. languorous—[C] lackadaisical or listless. “The winter chill made Sarah long for the languorous hours of her summer at the lake house.”

7. pastiche—[C] artistic imitation. “You call his work a pastiche; I call it a rip-off.”

8. opulent—[C] luxurious. “During her first visit, Sally was overcome by the opulent entrance of Tiffany’s.”

9. penumbra [A] something that covers or shrouds.

“Upon his first steps into the ancient chamber, the explorer fell under a penumbra of fear.”

10. tendril—[B] spiralling plant sprout. “The alien pod wrapped its tendrils around the captain’s ankle.”

11. imbroglio—[A] complicated mix-up. “For my tastes, too many films these days are based around a much-expected imbroglio.”

12. dalliance—[A] frivolous or amorous play. “The couple’s early dalliance was marked by subtle flirting and letter writing.”

13. mellifluous—[C] sweet sounding. “Nothing is so mellifluous as the jingle of a bell on our Christmas tree.”

WORD OF THE DAY*

14. diaphanous—[A] marked by a fine texture. “My wife wore a diaphanous veil on our wedding day.”

SNOLLYGOSTER: a shrewd, unprincipled person. Alternative suggestions:

“The implement that ghosts put up in the rain.”

“The new ice lolly from Willy Wonka.”

“A holy ghost that lurks in the snow.”

“A very high-end roller coaster for snobs.”

15. recherché [A] elegant or rare. “Alison wondered if her grandmother’s bejewelled shoes were too recherché for the office party.”

VOCABULARY RATINGS

9 & below: Fair

10–12: Lovely

13–15: Pulchritudinous

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BrainTeasers

Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 139.

by MarceL daneSi

Short-handed

Which cards are missing in the third and fourth hands?

bUried trianGLe

Connect seven dots that form the outline of a right-angled triangle.

MiSSinG MiddLe

Using the rule that these grids all follow, fill in the number in the centre square of the fourth grid.

nUMber JUMbLer

In the collection of numbers to the right, there are five that, together, add up to 35. None of these five numbers are used more than once in the addition. Can you find them?

note: There may also be combinations of fewer than five numbers that add up to 35, but you aren’t looking for these combinations.

* Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition.

Brainteasers: Answers

Each hand must have all four suits. The number on the fourth card in each hand is the sum of the numbers on the first and third cards, and the number on the second is the sum of the numbers on the first and fourth cards.

anaLoGoUS

A. The second figure consists of the first one plus two translations of it.

bUried trianGLe

MiSSinG MiddLe

15. The number in the centre square of each grid is found by adding the numbers in the corners, then reversing the digits in their sum. For example, in the first grid, 2 + 5 + 4 + 1 = 12, and by reversing the digits, we get 21.

nUMber JUMbLer

3, 5, 6, 9 and 12.

£50 prize qUeStion

answer published in the January issue

take a look at the sets of images below. Your task is to deduce which of the four options given in each case completes the set

the first correct answer we pick on December 3 wins £50!* email excerpts@readers digest.co.uk

anSwer to noveMber’S prize qUeStion

the missing figure is C

and the £50 GoeS to… richard McCann, Co Meath

Laugh!

Win £50 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

A MAN GOES INTO A LAWYER’S OFFICE and asks the lawyer, “Excuse me, may I ask how much you charge?”

The lawyer responds, “I charge £1,000 to answer three questions.”

“Flipping heck! That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”

“Yes. What’s your third question?”

SEEN AT JOKIDEO.COM

A FARMER IS WONDERING how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to his master.

“So,” says the farmer, “how many sheep were there?”

“Forty,” replies the dog.

“How can there be 40?” exclaims the farmer. “I only bought 38!”

“I know,” replies the dog, “but I rounded them up.”

JAYNE WILE, Llanfwrog

WHY AREN’T KOALAS actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.

SEEN ONLINE

AN ELDERLEY MAN is stopped by the police around 2am and is asked where he’s going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this sort of time?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

DINESH SACHAN, Kent

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE between a “hippo” and a “Zippo”? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

COMEDIAN MASAI GRAHAM

A WOMAN GOES TO THE VET with her pig that appears to be sleeping. The woman waits as the vet inspects the pig. After a while he comes out of his office and tells the woman, “I’m sorry...but your pig is dead.”

The woman, shocked, shouts at the vet. “Are you serious? Did you run any tests? He could just be in a coma or something.”

The vet sighs and gestures to the woman to join him in his office. The vet leaves the room and returns with a dog. The dog approaches the pig and slowly sniffs him from head to toe. He looks up at the woman with sad eyes and walks out.

The vet leaves and returns with a cat. The cat approaches the pig and stares at him for a solid five minutes. It then meows loudly and slowly exits the room.

The vet tells the woman, “Your pig has definitley passed on.” The vet adds up the totals and hands the woman a bill for £300.

The woman is outraged again. “£300 just so you could tell me my little piggy died?”

The vet replies, “It was only £40 until you made me get a Lab Report and a Cat Scan.”

SEEN AT GOODRIDDLESNOW.COM

A MAN IS TRYING TO TALK TO HIS PARROT. He says a few things, but the parrot just swears at him in response. After a few hours of trying, finally the man says, “If you don’t stop swearing, I’m going to put you in the freezer as punishment.” The parrot doesn’t stop swearing, so the man puts him in the freezer.

After about an hour the parrot begs the man to open the door. As the man takes the shivering bird out of the freezer, it says, “I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!”

SEEN ONLINE

FESTIVE FAILS

Sometimes the seasonal cheer doesn’t quite hit the mark (as seen on the internet)

A FAMILY HAD TWIN BOYS whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom-and-gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on Christmas day their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with mounds of horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts wailing.

“Why are you crying?” he asked.

“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries and my toys will eventually get broken,” said the pessimist twin.

Next, passing the optimist twin’s room, the father was amused to find him laughing and dancing for joy in the piles of manure.

“What are you so happy about?” he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!” LEE HALL, Kent

THERE’S A PENSIONER driving on the motorway.

After a while his wife calls him on his mobile phone and in a worried voice says, “George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there’s a mad man driving the wrong way on the M4.”

George says, “I know, but there isn’t just one—there are hundreds!”

SEEN AT JOKESABC.COM

MUSINGS OF A MODERN MAN

Paul Bassett Davies’s combination of deft thinking, off-the-wall observation and subtle cynicism is bound to brighten your day. As seen on Twitter:

When dolphins leap out of the water, it’s because they were asleep and woke up thinking, I’m drowning! Then they remember they’re dolphins.

You know you’re getting old when instead of mentally undressing someone, you’d prefer to mentally undress yourself and mentally go to bed.

To celebrate the Oxford English Dictionary now including the word “meh”, I will spend the rest of the day bitterly despairing of humanity.

Convince your neighbours last night’s storms were more severe than they realised by placing fish on top of their cars before they get up.

Beat the Cartoonist!

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in midDecember. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £100 and a framed copy of the cartoon, with your caption.

Submit your captions online at readersdigest. co.uk/caption by December 11. We’ll announce the winner in our February issue.

October’s Winner

The festive season isn’t bringing about a change in fortunes for our cartoonists. Reader Frank Murphy romped to victory with, “Gimme a kiss and I’ll let you read my diary,” which was greatly preferred to cartoonist Steve Jones’ original, “Get some other parrot to regurgitate your inane drivel—I’m reading.” Maybe the New Year will yield different results…

SCOREBOARD: reaDers 35 CartOOnists 12

Harvey Keitel on Youth

The Hollywood legend talks about his latest film with Michael Caine— and why he has no plans to retire

in the January issue Plus

• “i remember”: ranulph Fiennes

• the evolution of Diets

• Best of British: Bookshops

• Why you’re (Probably) happier

• Olly Mann’s new column

60-Second Stand-Up

We caught up with cheeky improv group The Noise Next Door

WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT TOUR?

We take really mundane things— such as umbrella—and we sing a song about why they’re sexy.

HAVE YOU FOUND ANY PARTS OF THE COUNTRY TO BE FUNNIER THAN OTHERS?

We always have a blast in Cardiff. The Welsh are really up for having the mickey taken out of them.

WHAT’S YOUR MOST MEMORABLE HECKLE EXPERIENCE?

One time we were performing to absolute silence. Then, out of nowhere, a champagne cork flew up and hit one of us on the shoulder.

ANY FUNNY TALES ABOUT A TIME YOU BOMBED ON STAGE?

The worst gig we ever did was a corporate event in a hanger that echoed. The audience couldn’t hear anything and they didn’t care.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ONE-LINER?

Tim Vine used to do this gag where he’d take a photo of a poppadum, smash it and then happily say, “Poppadum jigsaw.”

IF YOU WERE A FLY ON A WALL, WHOSE WALL WOULD YOU BE ON?

It’d be quite fun to watch the other members of The Noise Next Door. Then you could see if they’re being rude about you.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Flying, definitely. Although it’s a bit of a risk. Imagine if it took up as much energy as running—that’d be a rubbish superpower.

The Noise Next Door are on tour nationwide. To check dates and book tickets, visit thenoisenextdoor.co.uk

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