Reader's Digest UK Dec 2010

BUMPER 256-PAGE ISSUE!

F"ti •

ON'T MISS

"evelations from en Barlow's past!

Our Christmas short-story exclusive from lexander McCall Smith

HOW TO light a log fire make small talk stay safe online mix cocktails carve

PLUS John and Yoko's Bed-In—what really happened...Marco Pierre White's secrets of fab festive food... What yourjeweller won't feltyou...extreme Santas...Life afterreality shows...and try our false-memorytest!

Bill Bailey, Lynne Truss, Aled Jones and more reveal their manifestos!

The Perfect Christmas Party Food

From classics with a twist like Sausage & Apple pinches to premium canapes such as Coquille St Jacques scallops, everything in our new Taste the Difference party range is both delicious and bite-sized, for the perfect party nibbles.

Taste the Difference Fresh Party Food £4 per pack

Full range instore by 8th December

on earth on r) is Santa up to? Turn to page 106!

36 Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 1 New RD columnist James Brown relives his ideal Christmas—online...

40 Our Christmas Manifesto Seven ideas for upgrading the festive season dramas? Think again...

48 The Moveable Feast Bored with turkey and sprouts? See how other nations tackle the Christmas meal

56 John & Yoko & Me Their1969 Bed-In made headlines across the world—but whatreally happened there?

64 21st-Century Nature Boy After over 50 years of programme-making, Sir David Attenborough is still breaking new ground

73 Meet the Modern Butler So you thought butlers only existed in period

82 Can I See Some ID? How old doyou have to look to buy a bottle of wine?

86 I Remember As Coronation Street celebrates its 50th anniversary, Ken Barlow shares his memories of living there

94 Carol-Oke We asked for new lyrics to much-loved carols. Check out the results!

98 "Our Goofy, Innocent Daughter" Peter Popham talks exclusivelyto the family of convicted murderer Amanda Knox

106 Extreme Santas Father Christmas: the most active saint ever?

published in 50 editions in 20 languages

116 Reclaim Your Online Privacy Get your personal information in your hands and underyour control

122 The Memory Game They're our most treasured possessions—but how much can we really trust our memories?

130 When the Cameras Stop Rolling We find out what life is like for reality TV stars aftertheir 15 minutes of fame

138 Dreaming of a White-Coat

Christmas How science is responsible for many of our favourite traditions

144 When There's Nowhere Left to Turn How one man became destitute, but fought his way back to a normal life

150 After Statins Meet the new drugs on the block in the battle against heart disease

156 Dog Collars and Hijabs How a vicar and a Muslim have been turning religious rivals into friends

163 Put a Cork In It Why traditional stoppers are still the best

168 100-Word Story

Challenge Can you write a story in just 100 words? It could win you £5,000!

171What We Already Have Time to curl up by the fire—Alexander McCall Smith has written a festive story exclusively for Reader's Digest ONT ARESH INRE

Brilliantly clean white socks are only a step away

It's tough to get white socks really clean isn't it? Dirt gets ground in all day making it hard to get off. That's why we developed Ariel with Actilift - it's been specially designed to lift off ground-in dirt brilliantly, and it does. Ariel with Actilift - even grubby white socks don't stand a chance.

"Bumper" doesn't really do ourChristmas issue justice (but then "bumperier" sounds downright weird). Oh well. Let's just say this is one Christmas present that won't disappoint.

For a start there's a delightful, uplifting, short story, written exclusively for us bythe one-and-only Alexander McCall Smith.

Then there's our new columnist, James Brown, a ful116 years since he launched iconic lads' mag Loaded, with a rather different take on the world these days. Plus a monster-size puzzles special to keep the whole family amused. Plus fab festive food ideas from Marco Pierre White. Plus Bill Bailey, Lynne Truss, Stuart Maconie, Martin Hughes-Games, carol-oke (nice girl)...you see? I've run out of space already. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Gill Hudson theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk twitter.com/rdigest readersdigest.co.uk/magazineblogs

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Writers

* NewScientist editorRoger Highfield,the first person to bounce a neutron off a soap bubble, says his obsession with the science of Christmas dates back to "when I wore short trousers, and I've remained obsessed with the scientific aspects of the celebrations ever since".Page 138

• Gail Renard was 16 when she crashed the Lennons' famous Bed-In and was asked to stay. Her book Give Me a Chance is about her front-row seat to rock history. "John Lennon said,`You shoulda been there!' Not only was I, but I returned!" Page 56

• James Brown,founder ofLoaded, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: "We can't concentrate, why should you?". James says, "I hope readers enjoy my new column. I'm a biscuit lover, so perhaps a biscuit company will sponsor it. I particularly like Choco Leibniz." Page 36

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Have your say

LETTER OF THE MONTH

Sold short

Your article on pension deficits ("Running on Empty") failed to mention one key factor that seems to have been overlooked by all commentators.

Pension schemes invest most of their funds in the stock market. When world stock markets were at astronomical levels during the 90s, the value of the pension pots would have been sufficient to meet all future liabilities. As a result, employers had a "pension holiday", feeling there was no need to top up the funds.

When the crash inevitably came, the value of the pension funds plummeted. But had the employers continued to pay in during the times of plenty, we might have been able to avoid many of the difficulties now facing us. Did they think the good times would last for ever?

Tony Fitzgerald, Swansea

Battle scars

I'm a keen rugby union fan, having played a lot of rugby when I was younger ("Crash, Bang, Scalpel"). But although I know only too well how injury-stricken the game is, evenI was surprised to learn that there had been a 20 per cent increase in players picking up injuries.

In my playing days,I was knocked

RUNNING ON MPTY

BY OR ROS ALIMANN

Did the pension fund managers believe the good times would go on for ever?

unconscious twice, broke my ankle, had stitches in my ear and had a tooth knocked out. But it never stopped me playing! suppose every sport has its dangers.

Stephan Bryn, Liverpool

Now I'm laughing!

God bless your cover stars Armstrong and Miller! As a student studying a comedy module this year, they've really helped me gain an insight into the world of sketch comedy and the double act. We have to write sketches as part of our course, and so far my progress has been slow. Butyour

Make money by writing in! £50 for the letter of the month, £30 for all others. See page 6 for details.

article reassured me that writer's block hits the best of us—I feel much more confident now!

Tom Holmes, York

Women can do it too

The snapshot of Caroline Lucas's life in Westminster ("My First 100 Days as an MP") was fascinating. It's interesting to see more and more women in jobs that used to be reserved for men. I should know: my sister is a blacksmith, my niece is in the Fire Brigade, my aunt is a plumber and my daughter is training to be a plasterer. Suffice to say, we're not your typical family!

Vanya Hammett, Cheshire

Estate agent slur

I was disappointed with comments made by Sebastian O'Kelly in "How to Sell Your House Online" ("1,001 Things"), implying that estate agents have dubious morals. I work in an estate agency of women

ATTENTION PLEASE! WE WANT YOUR SUBMISSIONS!

Do you have a tasty recipe? Maybe a quirky gardening or beautytip? Or perhaps some health advice? If so, we want to hear from you. We welcome reader contributions to all our regular columns. It's agreat chance to see your name in print—and earn some money in the process. We pay £50 for all published submissions to Health, Beauty, Food, Drink, Gardening and Wildlife Watch (see page 6 for details of other regular contributions). Send us an email to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk.

who are honest and friendly. We always do our best for our clients and have a good reputation for conducting our business, quite often going way beyond the call of duty—we even water our vendors' plants during their holidays.

I know that our profession always gets a hard time, but remarks like these just create bad feeling and certainly don't apply to every estate agent.

Sarah McKinnon, Cheltenham

On the mend

I'm having a serious operation soon, so reading "Protect Yourself in Hospital" was very comforting. I've never even been in a hospital bed before, but now I'm going to be in one for about four weeks. Knowing what to expect—and what questions to ask—has taken a lot of

Prize Draw winners!

>> Our latest winner is Robert Smith from Humberside, who netted £100,000 in our Grand Prize Draw. Robert (pictured below with his wife Sue, at their daughter's wedding) has been a RD customer for over 45 years.

"We'll be able to help our daughter and son-in-law buy a house," says Robert (or Bob to his friends). "As for ourselves, we're hopingto get a new car—and Sue has requested a new set of

golf clubs!"

>a Visit readers digest.co.uk/ prize-draw

pressure off me. Now I can concentrate on the operation and my convalescence. Thankyou so much!

By email

Growing collection

It made me smile to read in "Have Your Say" that Charles Tully still has copies of your magazine going back to 1980. I've tried to throw out old Reader's Digest magazines going back years, but there's always something interesting to stop me!

Good things come in small packages —so keep up the good work and I look forward to growing my collection!

Joan Wain, Osset, West Yorkshire

The white stuff

I was pleased to read your article ("Make a Difference") on Fairtrade food. But while it's important to shop ethically for

our coffee and bananas,there's a group of producers closer to home who'd benefit greatly from fairer treatment.

British dairy farmers work long hours in all weathers and many struggle to cover the 25p it costs to produce a litre of milk —most supermarkets won't pay more than 22p. To save our dairy farms, we must write to supermarkets to demand they treat their producers fairly. I look forward to seeing the Fairtrade symbol on my pint one day.

David Wallace,

Edinburgh

Creepy-crawly

As the picture in September's "Wildlife" suggests, most people have found a spider in their bath. I remember a black speck catching my eye when I was running my bath recently. I turned the water off and lifted the plug—to my amazement, there was a tiny spider inside. It was swinging out on a strand of web towards the water.

Needless to say, I saved it from itself and transferred it to the garden!

A G Blunt, Peterborough

A meeting of minds

The courage of the two men in your feature on restorative justice ("A New Type of Justice?") really bowled me over. The fact that Will Riley wanted to work with Peter Woolf, a person who'd caused him both physical and mental distress, was tremendously inspiring.

Of course, this approach wouldn't be appropriate in all cases—I'd find it very difficult to confront the person who burgled my parents' home a few years ago. But it's always worth exploring new

ways of rehabilitating criminals. Showing them the impact they've had on others could be an effective way of making them change direction.

Onnica Rheade, Salford

Terrible toupees

Ray Connolly poses an important question for older men—to dye or not to dye? Personally, I don't really mind. But men, please, please don't wear a toupee or wig. We women can always tell.

Chris Tait, Fareham

Mungo's

A warm bed and hot meal are just the start of the long-term support St Mungo's offers. In fact, we do all we can to help homeless people turn their lives around.

A gift of just f25 could help a homeless person off the streets for good.

We provide everything from specialist drug, alcohol and mental health support to job skills and employment programmes. And every night, over 1,500 homeless people (and their dogs!) sleep safely under a St Mungo's roof.

Will you help us open the door to a better future for even more homeless people?

Please support St Mungo's by making your Christmas donation today. www.mungos.org 0845 303 7396

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Megamind. The latest animated 3D blockbuster features Will Ferrell (above) as the titular super-villain who kills his arch-enemy Metro Man (Brad Pitt).

Bored without a rival to battle, he creates a new superhero—who goes mad, forcing Megamind to become the world's saviour. Tina Fey (above right) is TV reporter Roxanne Ritchi.

For most of the 1970s, Christmas TV wasn't complete without Morecambe and Wise. They're back this year in a BBC2 drama about theiryouth. Daniel Rigby (left) is Eric, while Victoria Wood plays his mum Sadie. ■

The odds of a white Christmas— defined as snow falling sometime on December 25 at an official location—are no better than 8/1 for most of Britain, according to William Hill. But stay in the following places and a wintry Yuletide becomes far more likely.

Two Bridges Hotel, Devon.The high parts of Dartmoor have up to eight days of falling snow or sleet in December. Abercynafon Lodge, Powys.The nearby

Five ~o chars car tn/07

Brecon Beacons get up to 12 days of the falling white stuff in December.

Lovelady Shield Country House Hotel, Alston, Cumbria.Fourteen or more days of wintry deposits on the nearby fells.

Pen-y-Gwryd Hotel, Gwynedd.At least 12 days of snow hit the surrounding peaks. Numerous bothies, the Cairngorms. These huts for walkers aren't comfy, but you're almost guaranteed snow, with up to 20 days' worth most Decembers.

REVITALISE 4•

That strange little period between Christmas and New Year can get a bit boring. There are only so many countryside walks you can 7 cope with, after all. The Twixtmas initiative wants to change that. From December 27-31, it's asking people to spruce up their lives by doing something they wouldn't normally, such as going to the theatre or trying ) a new sport. It also wants people to perform random acts of kindness and contact someone they've not seen for a while. For more, visit readersdigest.co.uk/links.

WHAT I'M DOING

RD reader Amy Allen, 24, finance officer

ReadingThe Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. A witty insight into how people on Guernsey lived during the Nazi occupation.

Listening Record Collection, Mark Ronson. A really varied selection of tunes. I listen to "Bang Bang Bang" over and over.

Online lovegivesme hope.com. Has real-life soppy stories to binge on.

WatchingDesperate Housewives. I like a bit of drama, but none of that depressing British stuff. It's satisfying to watch programmes where nice things happen to the characters sometimes.

LISTEN

Radio 2's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent music releases

Carl Bared by Carl Barat Think Morrissey played by Michael Caine. The faintly tiresome indie soap opera that was The Libertines obscured the fact that Carl Bark and Pete Doherty were a genuinely fresh, roguish and very English partnership. With Doherty becalmed as a tabloid joke, it seems it's left to Bark to make records. His solo debut is a sightseeing bus tour of pop London, from which can be glimpsed Madness, Suede and The Kinks.

Original Album Series by Aztec Camera Think the punk rock Bob Dylan from East Kilbride. An admission: when I was youngmy obsession with group leader Roddy Frame went as far as emulating his fringe, bootlace tie and suede jacket. It looked as out of place in Eighties Wigan as, I guess, it did in Frame's own hometown. But I recommend this top-value package of five albums unreservedly (well, almost. Where's Love?).

Deleted Scenes from the Cutting Room Floor by Caro Emerald Think a more fun, together, errm, Dutch Amy Winehouse.In her native Holland, where this record has been out for some time, it's the biggest-selling album in chart history. Quite right, too. Caroline Esmeralda van der Leeuw has a cool, jazzy delivery with a sharp band (tailoring as well as chops). A genius pop soufflé.

CARL BARAT

December

ROCKIt

with these alternative Christmas classics

Fed up with playing Wizzard, Slade and Cliff Richard's "Mistletoe and Wine" at your festive party? Try these lesser-known delights. Santa Claus is on the Dole, Spitting Image. This 1980s recessionary satire is appropriate again. What Can You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)?, The Star Wars Intergalactic Droid Choir & Chorale. Actuallyfeatures Chewbacca on guest vocals. Christmas With the Devil, Spinal Tap. "The sugar plums are rancid. The stockings are in flames."

Inspired rock pastiche.

Holiday in Cambodia, Richard Cheese. Loungemusic version of the Dead Kennedys' punk classic, with added jingling bells.

Christmas Round at Ours, Girls Aloud. If you can't actually spend Xmas with Cheryl Cole, this is the next best thing.

TIME TO... MAKE A DIFFERENCE tees

aAncient oaks, cherished horse chestnuts, pretty poplars—these are just some of the trees getting the chop on our streets. A casualty of new building projects and health-and-safety madness, thousands of urban trees are felled every year.

Leafy streets suffer less violent crime, add value to house prices and help to calm traffic—and people. They also cool the temperature and soak up CO2 and other pollutants. But tree-culling councils are failing to plant enough replacements. Just one per cent of the estimated 197 million trees in our town and cities were planted in the past five years.

So, how do you make the streets leafy again?

Start by... Appreciating the trees in your area and encouraging others to do the same. Why not hold a carol-singing concert under your nearest oak? Then you can... Get digging. To celebrate the start of the winter tree-planting season, National Tree Week has a host of hands-on events around the country. You could also create your own urban retreat with a community woodland. The Woodland Trust offers advice on this.

Taking it further... Set up a local action group. Disturbed by the disappearingtrees in his area, Bristol resident Vassili Papastavrou rounded up some likeminded neighbours to successfully lobbytheir local council to do more planting. To find out more about Vassili's campaign and keeping your road green, visit readersdigest.co.uk/links. Helen Gent

a new-generation of party games

For their new bookFun and Games for the 21st Century Family (Old Street, £9.99), Steve Caplin and Simon Rose have devised dozens of daft ways to entertain your offspring. Including:

Camera Quickdraw. Two players take part in a duel— using cameraphones. The usual duelling rules apply, but after each player takes their ten paces and turns, they must take one photo, then spin round and crouch or sit on the ground.

The pictures are then compared. Whoever took their photo and sat down first gets the points, which are scored as follows: award

ten points for a deadly shot (a picture in which the front or side of the opponent's entire head and torso has been captured). A picture showing some but not all of the head and torso, or other body parts, scores five. There are no points for the back of the head or body. Play as many rounds as you like and find the winner by totting up the final score.

Photo Trickery—Without Expensive Software.

Trick 1: Playing with scale.The pictures here illustrate the sort of illusions you can create by placing different people and objects

t Just line up the shot with the children in the distance, like so... ...and presto! Controlling diet likl5wOF

in clever positions for a shot. Trick 2: Playing with heads. Fake headless body pictures can be achieved by one person hiding behind a tree stump, say, with his head poking over the top, while a second stands with his back to the camera, head tucked forward, holding onto the first person's head. Alternatively, the person playing the head could lie in a hollow and be buried up to his neck in leaves.

Shopping

Channel Charades. Players split into two teams. Each member takes turns to pretend to be a demonstrator for the likes ►

of QVC or bid tv. Without miming or helpful gestures, they must describe an object in over-the-top salesperson language for their team to guess in a minute or less. They must not name the object or three other pre-decided forbidden words that could provide too much of a clue (if you're selling a pencil, for instance, these could be

TIME TO...

Which gifts will be bulging from every cool kid's stockingthis year? We've analysed toyof-the-year charts from nine sources, including Hamleys and the Independent Toy Awards, for the ultimate rundown.

1. Kidizoom VideoCam (£59.99). Allows children to record and edit videos

"write", "lead" and "pen"). If the object is guessed, the team scores the number of seconds remaining.

Human SatNay.Let the kids take the family on a magical mystery tour by pretending to be computerised navigation systems. Speaking only in SatNav commands ("After 100 yards, turn

right", "At the roundabout, take the third exit", etc), it's up to the backseat drivers to lead you somewhere interesting—hopefully. The driver must obey their commands, no matter what (short of heading over a cliff).

When you feel likeyou've been driving long enough, the children's challenge is to guideyou back home.

and add animations.

2. Jet Pack Buzz Lightyear (£39.99).Talking Toy Story 3 figure with after..,......., burner effects. --`1 4 3. Zhu Zhu Hamsters range (from £9.99). Motorised plush pets with accessories.

4. Paper Jamz Guitar (£24.99). Easy-to-play instrument with

built-in backing tracks.

5. Sytvanian Families Regency Hotel (value pack is £99.99).Dolls' (guest) house including woodland-creature staff, luggage trolleys and a working chandelier.

THE PRIESTS

NOEL OUT MONDAY 6TH DECEMBER

ALL YOUR FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS CAROLS INCLUDING: 'HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING'; 'GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN', '0 COME ALL YE FAITHFUL' & 'LITTLE DRUMMER BOY/ PEACE ON EARTH' FT. SHANE MACGOWAN

How people like you are making the world a better place by

Amanda Riley

The school that's making a short life a happy one

Christmas is always a special time buying sweets with his own money when you're a small child, but Tess and organising a lucky dip at school. Sullivan has a particularly magical treat Staff then organised a superheroes in store. party and a fair—while headteacher

Thanks to the staff, pupils and parents Peter Stec had his legs waxed to at St Peter's primary school in Newchurch, earn another £500. Lancashire, the three-year-old and her Teaching assistant Sharon family will be heading on a £3,500 trip Weldon, 36, took things to another to Lapland to meet Father Christmas. level in August: she made £2,700 Tess has to pack in the special memories from performing a skydive. She where she can. She has the incurable also organised a team of pupils, degenerative disorder Alexander disease family and friends to pack bags at a and will soon lose the ability to move, supermarket the following month, see or even swallow. She is unlikelyto raising £1,420. "I'm close to Tess and live past age ten. Helen, she says, "but now everyone round Her mother Helen, the deputy head here is getting behind them." of St Peter's, and her husband Steve, a The campaign is still rolling, with cookie joiner, have reduced their working hours baking and raffles planned. It has now to spend as much time as possible with raised £6,500 and the family's next goal is Tess. But with two other children to a Disney Cruise next summer. support—Tyler, 12, and Max, 21 months— "We've been dealt a difficult hand in treats have been thin on the ground. life, but since all this started I've been So the school community hugged by pensioners and stepped in. had eight-year-olds giving you know of First, Catherine Cocklin, Do y me their pocket money," stories in the mother of 11-year-old inspiring says Helen. "It's been a ? our community pupil Christopher, raised y huge boost." £250 through two If so, please email the sponsored cycle rides in July. details to theeditor@ To make a donation, visit , Christopher helped as well, readersdigest.co.uk. readersdigest.co.uk/links

A house became a home again, thanks to caring neighbours

After five years living on Wordsworth Street, Hove,Suzy Butler had a lot of respect for her friendly neighbours. But she couldn't have guessed how far they'd go to help her in her hour of need.

Suzy, who runs Kiya Survivors, a charity helping disadvantaged youngsters in Peru, rented her house out

in February while she was working in the South American country. But the short-lease tenant, a financial advisor, stopped paying rent and, when Suzy and her four-year-old son Bruno returned in April, she refused to move out.

"I had to have a police escort to go into my own home to get a tent," reveals Suzy. "I couldn't believe it."

Neither could her neighbours, who immediately came to her rescue. "People offered rooms, did our laundry, fed us and watched Bruno while I tried ■

to find accommodation. We stayed with about 18 different people. Their goodness made me cry."

Aware that the eviction process can take many months, neighbours also started writing letters to the tenant, asking her to do the right thing."' think they helped her to see me more as a person—another woman on her own with a child," says Suzy.

On August 13, the tenant finally agreed to leave, and 15 neighbours came round with cakes to welcome Suzyand Bruno home.

Suzy has been left with a £4,000 legal bill and has had to take on extra work as a massage trainer to pay it. Yet her neighbours are still mucking in, babysitting Bruno so she can work in the evening.

And where will Bruno and his mum be spending Christmas? "At home," smiles Suzy. "At home!"

The dog walkers who go the extra mile

Need a new wheelchair? Lost thousands? Best go down the pub...

In February last year, MS sufferer Jeff Bullpen from Southampton spent £6,000 on a much-needed new motorised wheelchair. But when the company supplying him went bust, Jeff, 48, didn't get his chair—or a refund— and social services couldn't help.

So Tracey Attwood, the landlady of his local pub The Hinkler, decided to mobilise her customers. "Jeff is lovely and he'd suffered enough," she says.

The 48-year-old launched a year's worth of fund-raising activities, including

Most people just say a quick hello to fellow dog walkers. But in Southampton's Freemantle Lake Park, they're a particularly friendly breed. Over the last three years, daily chats while Jacqui Hill (centre) and her fellow dog walkers

Jeffhas Tracey to than\ for his new wheelchair

cocktail nights and sponsored headshaving. Pub regulars Eileen Connelly and Martin Redding, meanwhile, started running karaoke and Motown nights.

Tracey even organised a Christmas carol service in the pub. "I did a big pot of mulled

walking have led to real friendships, with a group of around 30 pet owners going for meals, exchanging birthday presents and walking each other's dogs.

And when one of their number, Jacqui Hill, was taken to hospital in April, the community went from strength to strength.

The 46-year-old, who lives alone and has osteoarthritis in her spine, woke up one night with severe stomach pains. The operator told her that her case wasn't a priority, so the ambulance could take

wine and the vicar led the singing!" she says.

Along with a donation from local MS charitythe Geoff Smith Foundation, The Hinkler regulars were able to raise £14,400. On August 1,50 of them crowded into the pub to see former Aston Villa footballer Ray Graydon present Jeff with his new high-spec chair.

"It was wonderful how people got together to help me," says Jeff. "It's given me a new lease of life."

The Hinkler regulars are now raising money for Wessex Cancer Trust. "As soon as we've finished helping one person, we move on to the next one," says Tracey.

several hours to arrive. Unsure what else to do, Jacqui telephoned fellow dog walker Tim Palmer. He drove straight round and took her to the hospital.

Jacqui had her appendix removed and stayed in hospital for two days. So another dog walker, Sue Rowe, cared for her Staffordshire bull terrier Duchess, while another, Wendy Hill, brought Jacqui home and kept her supplied with books and magazines.

Other regulars made sure that Duchess had her three walks a day, while Flo

Boyland, whose husband Geoff had met Jacqui while exercising his dog Millie, brought her meals.

"I don't know how I'd have managed without them," says Jacqui. "Even now if people are going shopping they ask me if I need anything, too."

Now recovered, she's been instrumental in the dog walkers' latest project, a calendar—featuring 39 of the group's pets—to raise money for the Dogs Trust.

"I've not had an easy life, but our group has restored my faith in humanity".

NO, REALLY!

6,1t My wife mentioned over breakfastthat my library book was due for returning. "Don'tyou be getting a fine," she warned.

But the day passed rather quickly and I only left myself 15 minutes to return the book. Jumping into the car,I whizzed to the library and parked outside. Handing over the book,I felt smug that no fine was due.

The feeling lasted until I got back to my car and found a £40 penalty notice attached to the window.

Paul Walmsley, Preston

tt Driving home one evening, Ispotted my friend Geoff, a police driver, cruising along behind me. Suddenly there was an eruption of sirens, lights and horns as Geoff overtook me with a cheery wave.

Three days later, I found myself behind a police car and the unmistakable silhouette of Geoff. Taking my chance for revenge, I assaulted the car with horn and headlights, overtaking with a wave.

A short distance up the road, I stopped at some traffic lights. The police car

stopped as well and the driver got out. It wasn't Geoff.

Frank Peirson, Oxfordshire

My grandson Liam asked me to fix a broken

toy.

But the harder I tried, the worse it got. Eventually, I went to tell him I had some bad news.

"Don't tell me Gran has run out of custard creams!" he exclaimed.

Charles Gray, Glasgow

III

The phone rang in my officejust as I was about to leave. It was my brother.

"I haven't got close brothers there, have I?" I heard him say.

Well, we've never been that close, but it seemed an odd choice of words.

"No," I replied, jokingly.

"Oh, sorry," he said. "I was trying to ring close brothers."

"This isyour brother," I said, completely lost.

After a few seconds of

silence, it finally emerged that he'd been trying to call Close Brothers Building Contractors for a quote on his bathroom ceiling.

I must ask him if they got the job.

Paul Rosen, York

M Soon after I was widowed,I moved to a beautiful part of North Wales. One of my new neighbours asked me where my husband was.

"He's gone to a better place," I replied.

They looked amazed. "What, better than Wales?"

Wendy Freeman, Llangaffo, Anglesey

While visiting my son and his wife, we all headed into town for a meal.

One restaurant looked really nice, but my daughter-inlaw was dismissive, "No one goes there any more," she said. "It's too crowded."

Rochelle Harding, Cambridgeshire

"Here you go sir—a 'Coalition'. Drink it before it separates"

C I got on my regular train and found it crowded with exuberant teenagers on their way to a concert.

Two elderly ladies sitting opposite each other in the same carriage had obviously planned a nice gossip to pass the time, but the high level of noise made this impossible.

In a flash of inspiration, one of them took out her mobile and called her friend—they chatted away happily on their phones for the entire journey!

Niall Henry, Waterford

My aunt couldn't get a signalfor her mobile in the countryside.

At the top of some high ground, she drove her car back and forth, one arm

stretched upwards with her phone in her palm. A passing man asked if she needed any help.

"Oh, no thankyou," she said, groping for the right words. "I'm just looking for a sign."

Judith Ross, Northam, Devon

During a discussion about how to stop the draught coming under the attic door, my son and his wife noticed that their four-year-old son had gone rather quiet.

"I don't see the problem," he said, when asked what was wrong. "A giraffe is too big to get under that door."

Margaret Holmes, Frome, Somerset

WORD POWER

1hortatory(haw-tat-oree)adj A keen on staying up late B vigorously encouraging C obsessed with gardening

2 dyad (die-add)n A two individuals viewed as a pair B death pact C sea monster

3 rebarbative (ruh-barb-er-tivv)adj

A unattractive B denying C repetitive

4 Augean(or-jee-uhnn) adj A pointlessly expensive Bverbally rude C very dirty

5 termagant(term-er-guhnt) n

A anteater B someone who changes their mind C overbearing woman

5 voluptuary(voll-up-tew-ery)n

A self-indulgent person B good bone structure C royal statue

7 reliquary(rell-ick-were-ee) n

A beneficiary of a will B container for relics C slushy ice

hamartia (ham-arr-tee-ah)n A fatal flaw B low self-esteem C brilliant painter

2 hegemony(hejj-emm-er-nee) n

A happy marriage B leadership

C good gardening

coda (code-ah)n A final event

B secret love letter C false identity papers

Li venial(veen-eh-al) adj A open to

Harry Mount, language guru, tests your knowledge

Have you ever risked using a difficult word when you weren't quite sure what it means? That's the problem Hubert van den Bergh has solved in his new book How to Sound Clever—Master the 600 Words You Pretend to Understand When You Don't. But just how clever are you? Find out by answering A, B or C below.

bribery B meat-eating C forgivable

1.7 synapse(sigh-naps) n A mental breakdown B connection between nerve cells C broken limb

1:3 Manichaean (man-ih-kayan)adj

A dividing the world into good and evil B cannibalistic C softly spoken

14 liminal(limb-inn-al)adj A demolished B in a transitional state C smelling of fruit

15 rictus(rick-tus) n A roof tile B calcium deficiency C fixed grin

A WORD IS BORN

Wuxia

A lovely-sounding new addition to the Oxford English Dictionary is the noun "wuxia", a kind of Chinese fiction devoted to the martial arts. It comes from the wordswu (military or martial) and xia (chivalrous). In China, wuxia has spread from the world of books to films, video games and television. Just like manga (a Japanese word, meaning "whimsical pictures"), wuxia may soon be finding RD RATING its way to a children's Useful? 2/10 comic book near you. Likeable? 7/10

WORD POWER

hortatory—B vigorously encouraging.

"Winston Churchill was hortatory in his Battle of Britain speech."

'7' dyad A two individuals viewed as a pair.

"Psychiatrists like to study the mother–child dyad."

How

6 voluptuary A self-indulgent person. "Oliver Reed lived a voluptuary's life."

7 reliquary B container for relics. "The Italian reliquary contained a saint's bones."

Did You Do?

9-11 a good attempt

12-13 you're starting to impress us here 14-15 you're a word-power wizard!

rebarbative A unattractive. "Marlon Brando became rebarbative after too many lunches." Old Frenchse rebarber (to face each other "beard to beard" in an aggressive, unattractive way).

4 Augean C disgustingly dirty. "His student house was Augean by the end of the academic year." Ancient Greek, from the stables of King Augeas that Hercules had to clean as part of his 12 labours.

5 termagant C overbearing woman. "The termagant teacher told me to improve my handwriting."

hamartia

—A fatal flaw. "The athlete's hamartia was his fondness for the bottle."

9 hegemony B leadership. "Italy's hegemony during the Renaissance is clear."

10 coda A final event. "The coda of the ballet was the best part."

venial—C forgivable. "Not eating everything on your plate is a venial sin."

synapse—B connection between nerve cells. "Electricity travels across the synapses of the brain."

13 Manichaean A dividingthe world into good and evil. "The priest took a Manichaean view of my bad behaviour." From

WORD JOURNEY

One of the 600 words to make you sound clever is prelapsarian, which means "innocent" or "unspoiled". The word comes from the Latin pre (before) and lapsus (fall)—literally, before the fall of humankind into a state of sin, after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. It then changed to mean anytime when a state of innocence existed.

Manes, the founder of the sect that followed this philosophy.

liminal—B in a transitional state. "After the election, Gordon Brown was in a liminal state."

1.1 rictus C

fixed grin. "He kept a rictus on his face even though he was hating the party."

More Word Power on the Web! If you have a word-related question For more vocabulary-building fun online, or language teaser for Harry, please go to readersdigest.co.uk/wordpower. email theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk.

Reader's Digest has teamed up with Lifehouse, the new contemporary day-and-stay spa opening in December in Thorpe-leSoken, Essex, to give away THREE £1,100 indulgent two-night spa breaks.

Call 09041616123

To enter, just answer this question: In which year did John Lennon and Yoko Ono be in bed for peace? A:1975 B:1969 or C:1963. FIND THE ANSWER IN THIS MONTH'S MAGAZINE

to enter, or text `READERS' followed by answer A, Or C to '83310' .

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Set within 135 acres of beautiful grounds and 12 acres of listed gardens, Lifehouse offers guests a unique revitalising spa and wellbeing experience. With a dedicated team of experts, specialising in key areas such as fitness, life coaching, nutrition, weight loss, and alternative and holistic therapy,guests can tailor-make their Lifehouse experience according to their individual needs.

Guests can also choose from an extensive programme of activities, such as fitness,yoga or Pilates classes, bike trails and running tracks, as well as pre- and post- dinner talks in the

Library on all aspects of health and well-being.

Reader's Digest is giving away THREE two-night stays for readers and a friend, including daily breakfast, dinner and lunch, one face and one hand treatment of 35 minutes each per person PLUS Lifehouse's 2 hour signature treatment, the Oriental Bathing Experience. Lucky winners will also receive a welcome drink on arrival, meet and greet service from Thorpe-le-Soken station or valet car parking service, unlimited use of thermal spa area and gym and full access to Lifehouse resort activities programme.

NOT IF, BUT WHEN...

Military muscle

Gary Rimmer takes a look at * what the future has in store i

Fungal features

Zombie teeth

Cracking a tooth used to mean only one thing— extraction. A cracked tooth can allow infection into the root canal and the jaw. Nowadays, dental surgeons remove the risk by clearing the nerves and blood vessels from the root canal, but the tooth still dies. However, a group of French dental researchers have created a nanofilm implant, which contains a substance called alpha melanocyte stimulating hormone, to fight inflammation inside the root canal.By 2020 regenerative techniques like this will bring what were once mortally wounded teeth back from the dead.

Increasingly, technology imitates science fiction. In recent months, several real-life "exoskeleton" suits have appeared. Imagined in films fromAlien to Avatar, these suits augment the wearer's strength. But the latest exoskeleton from Raytheon, the XOS2, has a limitation: a mains lead! The batteryversion might not appear until 2018. But if the XOS2 fails the sci-fi test, this might not: doctors at Harvard Medical School have come up with photochemical tissue bonding. When a special dye is applied to a wound and illuminated with a special light, it bonds the tissue with a nanosuture. No stitching required; just likeStar Trek. Expect it in hospitalsby 2025.

Will mushrooms save the world? Fungi may turn out to be a better basic ingredient for medicines, chemicals or plastics than oil.

Mycologist Paul Stamets has developed

powerful fungal pesticides, anti-flu agents and oil-pollution cleaners. And designer Eben Bayer uses fungi to turn seed husks into biodegradable materials to replace polystyrene (the world uses some four million tons of the stuff a year— imagine a non-degradable cube with sides one kilometre long).

By 2035,when the oil reserves have plummeted, mushrooms may provide our last best hope.

IF I RULED THE WORLD

...I'd like to see a commitment to deliver the Millennium Development Goals honoured by every country that signed up to them. I would encourage political leaders and civil society to work together so that poverty is tackled in an effective way. Pressure needs to be consistently applied by lobbyists, activists, NGOs, business leaders—everyone who feels there is something ethically wrong with the fact that every night millions of people go to sleep hungry.

...I'd make the implementation of human rights— particularly women's and children's—a global imperative. It's about making sure that these

ANNIE LENNOX is the most successful female artist in UK music history. Her work with Eurythmics and her solo career have also made her one of the world's bestselling artists, with over 80 million record sales. She was recently named as UNAIDS International Goodwill Ambassador, as well as Barclays' Woman of the Year. Her new album,A Christmas Cornucopia, is out now.

This month, musician Annie Lennox lays down the law to Caroline Hutton

rights are not only written into the fabric of the law but are also carried through. We talk about feminism in this country but outside our Western bubble we're less conscious that women in some countries aren't even on the first rung of the ladder. We should restore the feminist movement and work with our gender across the world; this is where feminism needs to shine its light now.

I'd encourage people to realise we are all empowering agents for change.

...I'd ask religious and political leaders from every faith,denomination and party to commit to putting peace, love, compassion and respect before any doctrines. They would also have to sign a treaty to abolish the manufacture and use of weapons of any kind.

...I'd make an international lawto oust politicians and dictators who have been proven to violate human

rights and abuse the people they're supposed to represent. I'd divide the contents of their bank accounts between the NGOs who have been at the forefront in protecting their citizens from appalling human rights violations.

...I'd ban the manufacture of nonbiodegradable plastic bags and bottles,in the same way that smoking has been banned so effectively. Years ago, if anyone had told us that smoking would be outlawed in public places we'd have said it would never happen. But it's been a success—so why can't governments tackle sustainability in a similarly pragmatic way?

stop all global deforestationand the pollution of natural resources. I'm passionate about anything that involves human, animal and plant life.

...I'd address local issues and organise a fresh approach to communities through an examination of how we live our lives. I'm no expert in sociology, but across Britain there's an implosion of community life. Ironically, we're very linked up when it comes to technology, but we're becoming less connected face-to-face.

...I'd make parks across the country segregated between dogs and children so that children don't have to play in a dog toilet and dogs can enjoy each other's company away from kids. That's a pet—forgive the pun—hate of mine.

WORLD TRAVELLER

Who's doing what around the globe

► Dating websites are proving there really is someone for everyone. In theUS, 420dating.com asks, "Why toke alone?". Yes, it's a site for marijuana smokers. Or what about trekpassions.com, for sci-fi lovers? Darwindating.com is for attractive people only, and vetoes everything from acne to big ears. Who said romance was dead?

► You're not letting the recession get in the way of Christmas. Shoppers in 11 of the 17 countries we polled are sticking to lastyear's festive budget, with onlyMEXICO andINDIA planning to spend less.

► InARGENTINA,being green on the go is getting easier. The Generador Eolico para el Agro (Movable Wind Power Generator) is a generator, battery and turbine tower stored in a trailer—and, even better, once you raise one part, the other three raise themselves.

► Breaking up is hard to do—butUS heartbreak handywomen Pink Kisses can help you get your groove back. Just choose a package (prices range from $14 to $258) and receive anything from flattering text messages to truffles and life coaching.

INSTANT EXPERT

The Channel Tunnel

Twenty years ago this month, workers drilled through the last layer of rock to join together the two halves of the final section of the Channel Tunnel—a historic Anglo-French link-up!

ELlie Rose gives you the facts behind the news

,r,rigpt? sfq -1F4 511,0111 cALCOng

■ When French engineer Albert Mathieu first had this idea in 1802, it must have seemed like science fiction. His proposal was to send horse-drawn carriages armed with lamps through a submarine passage from France to England.

Suffice to say, the world wasn't ready for this innovation. Advocates had to battle through nearly 200 years of debate over the safety implications, but construction finally began in June 1988.

■ Eleven boring machines drilled from either side of the Channel to create two rail tunnels and a service tunnel from Folkestone to Calais. Two years later they hooked up, and the tunnel opened in May 1994.

Since then, more than 250 million passengers have used the £9.5 billion tunnel. It measures 31 miles long, 24 miles of which are underwater —the longest undersea section of any tunnel in the world.

■ Until recently, Eurostar trains were allowed exclusive use of the line.

But in October, German firm Deutsche Bahn tested a high-speed train in the tunnel; they hope to start services with their ICE3 model in 2012 or 2013, paving the way for greater competition.

In response, Eurostar announced a billion-dollar purchase of ten "green" trains, which will entice passengers seeking a lower-carbon alternative to flying between its current destinations of England, France and Belgium. The eco-friendly, highspeed trains—which will release less than a third of the carbon dioxide than the same journey by plane—should be in service by 2014.

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your skincare is an important part of your routine, but with busy lives, it's easy to forget that your skin's needs have changed between your 40s and 50s.

Hormonal changes through menopause mean that:

•Skin is likely to be drier, duller, weaker and can begin to sag around the jaw line

•Wrinkles are more pronounced

• Brown age spots appear

Embracing these changes positively:

During this period of change, take time to choose skincare with products that are specifically designed for your changing skin.

Age Perfect Your Skin

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Because you're worth it

Anyone who mourns the days of Christmas Past has failed to grasp the potential of the internet

If you're reading this on Christmas Day, pretending to be engrossed in my words to avoid talking to the in-laws, then it's already too late.

I know how you feel. You've been disappointed to discover that the old TV cliché isn't true—TheGreat Escape, The Magnificent Seven andThe Sound of Music aren't actually on;you're wondering why Christmas lunch isn't as long as it used to be; and you're baffled by why potato croquettes now taste like deep-fried cotton wool, and not the marvellous parcels of crispy-coated fluffy potato you remember from the one year you had them when you were young.

Foryou, Christmas is a festival of obligation and disappointment. It's as if you're living on ITV— the magic has gone and James Corden isn't Eric Morecambe. I can't even tell you which rock bands get near the top of the charts any more, but they definitely aren't Slade or Mud or any of the other bands who dressed like Santa's Grotto all the year round—meaning that by Christmas Day they were the glam equivalent of a nuclear strike.

So what's to be done? Well, I mentioned the internetat the start of this column. You know, that thingyou use for tracking down old school pals then regretting it? For me, the internet is the first step to making Christmas as good as it used to be.

James Brown

You can research and gather online all the factors that made Christmas absolutely fantastic as a kid. Just pick your year: 59,67,72,78,84. Everythingyou enjoyed that year is available. You can watch Top ofthe Pops,Eric and Ernie, and whatever else you remember on YouTube. You can buy vintage toys such as Test Match, Tiny Tears, Subbuteo or Donkey Kong on eBay, or at special retro-toy retailers.

You can order comic annuals—I mean the actual annuals you had from the exact sameyear, with the pictures you remember. You can even plunge into the current trend for vintage clothes (think village-hall tat at London prices) and dress like the people off the Quality Street tin.

All of this is exactly what I'll be doing.I will be watching any film featuringJenny Agutter, enjoyingThe Likely

Bytheendofit,wewillhave eaten,drunkanddanced ourselvesintoastupor

Lads Christmas episode when Bob gets off with a fairy and Terry spends the night working as a taxi driver, and I'll be eating chocolate from a stocking-shaped selection box. I might even invest in a massive bottle of Tizer.

And I won't be celebrating alone. I'll be joined by my friend Double D—while researching his excellent book about Jimmy Savile(Apocalypse Now Then), he's perfected an impressive tribute act to the first DJ.

My girlfriend will be dressing in her Toni Basil cheerleader outfit and her friend Caroline will come as Mrs Fox from

Dad's Army. We will dance to Double D's eclectic mix of house music, punk, electro and glam; no doubt we'll be joined by others who prefer to get into the Tardis and go back in time rather than just moan about it.

By the end of it, we'll have eaten, drunk and danced ourselves into a stupor—not so much a family Christmas as a Tribute Christmas. Given how few people seem to respect the religious nature of Christmas any more, the least you can do is have some fun.

But no leering at Penelope Keith or Noel Edmonds. That would just be weird.

"Try not to cut the head off this time..."

You, or somebody you know, could be eligible for help from the RAF Benevolent Fund.

ONCE ALWAYS RAFBF

If you have ever served in the Royal Air Force (including National Service) or you are the partner of someone who served, and you now find yourself in need of help, you may be eligible for support from the RAF Benevolent Fund.

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IOUR we put to seven well-known names How could Christmas be made (even) better? That's the question

RISTMAS NIFES

Are you a little jaded by Christmas? Tinsel, presents, turkey and carols are all very well, but for many —particularly non-Christians, for whom there's no real spiritual significance—it's become little more than an excuse to drink lots of alcohol, eat too

many chocolates and have tense, contrived family gatherings that usually end in a row.

So how do we make the festive season special again? We asked some of our favourite writers and celebrities to put forward their suggestions for the Reader's Digest Christmas manifesto. ■

STOP MISERABLE TV PROGRAMMES

Aled Jones

Christmas is the one time of the year when you can sit down for long periods in front of the TV without trying to keep up with the stresses and strains of modern life. Finally, you get a chance to put your feet up, give auntie her glass of sherry and turn on the box. And what do you see? Families fighting. Murders. Explosions. Car crashes.

Fans of dramas and soap operas would no doubt argue that this reflects real life. But is it too much to ask that, just for a few days, we can escape from all that?

I suppose it all started with the big 1986EastEnders storyline about Angie and Den [30 million people watched Den serve his wife with divorce papers]. Since then, grim storylines have become a bit of a bad habit of ours. And maybe it's time we kicked that habit.

Given the huge popularity of soaps, this sounds like a big ask. But from the letters and emails I get on my BBC Radio 2 show, I know that people want more positivity. Look at something like OnlyFools And Horses. People watched it in their millions because it was warm, funny and touching Christmas TV. The success of shows such asStrictly Come Dancing has proved that people still enjoy old-fashioned family entertainment. Let's have a few more programmes that lift the spirit.

Mind you, perhaps we can keep alittle misery—it's served me quite well over the years. I remember Phil and Grant Mitchell beating the living daylights out of each other one Christmas Day. And what was playing in the background?

"We're walking in the air. We're floating in the moonlit sky..." As told to Danny Scott ■ Aled Jones is a broadcaster and former choirboy star of festive favouriteThe Snowman

EVERYONE SHOULD SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH A CHILD

Helen Zaltzman

Foryears, something was missing from my celebrations. Christmas TV? The Zaltzmans never watched telly over the festive period, which is how I've managed to reach the age of 30 without seeingE.T. Jesus? Well, we're a bunch of lapsed Jewish atheists,so we didn't feel His absence too keenly. Christmas pudding, the worst dessert of the year? Of course not!

The problem was that I'm the youngest member of my family—once I stopped being a child, we didn't know any. Foryears, there was a slight lack of excitement at our festivities. We soldiered on, but it was mainly just centred around eating, opening presents and not letting other Jewish relatives find - -....Qutwhat we were up to.

But things changed when my first niece arrived. Three more nieces and two nephews e since been added to the ranks and, e increased levels of screaming (even more than when

Granny was alive) and regurgitation at the dinner table (even more than etc, etc), Christmas became a whole lot better.

Everyone should spend the day with a child. Ifyou've got kids and know a childless couple or elderly relative, invite them round. It's not just children's enthusiasm— they're naturally anti-materialistic and reinforce the festive message that gift-giving isn't about how much you spend. (At her first Christmas, Niece One ignored the minirocking horse her parents had gone to great lengths to procure, in favour of a balloon. Aged two, my second niece was given so many presents she started to cry and had to be put to bed before even athird of them had been unwrapped.)

Children are also an excellent source of entertainment and can be relied upon to perform am using feats of unintentional slapstick. And you can teach them to say phrases they don't understand, then chuckle at the results. Last year, my Midlandese boyfriend amused himself for hours teaching my two-year-old nephew to say, "Lovely cup of tea,aah!" in a thick Brummie accent.

You get to propagate the myth of Father Christmas,too. Lyingto children is such fun —much more so than lyingto adults, who tend to hold these things against you.

■ Helen Zaltzman is co-author ofAnswer Me This! (0.99), the book of the hit podcast

Children can be relied upon to perform feats of unintentional slapstick

INTRODUCE A NATIONAL COMMUNITY SPIRIT DAY

Sam Leith

Everyyear we hear complaints about the negative effects—real and imaginary—of commercialisation and multiculturalism on the altruistic, Christian spirit of Christmas. So I propose killing both birds with one stone.

Why not make Christmas a festival of selflessness rather than greed, and welcome those of otherfaiths (and of none) to join in a celebration of Christian charity, if not the Christian tradition? Let some day during the festive season, perhaps December 27, be National Community Spirit Day. And let the government set aside some money to promote it.

Good cooks could arrange to make food to give awayto neighbours. DIY experts could volunteer to do odd jobs for anyone who needs them. Young people could visit the elderly. Primary schools and church halls could become drop-in centres on the day, where people would get together to plan community projects such as public gardens oryouth clubs. The old,the lonely, the homeless and the mad would be welcome to join in and be cherished alike.

If there's such a thingas the "Big Society", surely it means this.

■ Sam Leith's new novel The Coincidence Engine is published in April.

EVERYONE SHOULD WRITE A CHRISTMAS GIFT LIST

Lynne Truss

I have an old-fashioned view of presents. I like to maintain the corny illusion that their existence comes as a surprise. "For me? You shouldn't have!"

So I'm uncomfortable when a person over the age of ten tells me exactly what they'd like for Christmas. It seems either presumptuous or unpleasantly selfcentred. The person who's supposed to give consideration to a present is the giver, not the receiver. I truly believe it's the thought that counts.

But what's the consequence of this high-mindedness? Rubbish presents that never get used, that's what. I've bought ice buckets for people who don't drink; radios for people who don't listen. It's all very well having good intentions when buying gifts, but the road to the landfill site is paved with them.

So, while it makes me sad to accept the necessity of Christmas lists both for children and for adults, I think it's time we all got real. It'll benefit the environment and the wallets of relatives who throw their money away on stuff that spends its life in a cupboard.

And just imagine: no one will ever put "Ghastly novelty wind-up teeth" or "Alarming reindeer-themed jumper" on their list. So no one will ever buy them, they won't get made and none of us will have to see them again!

It's all very well having good intentions when buying gifts, but the road to the landfill site is paved with them

■ Lynne Truss is the author of Eats, Shoots and Leaves and Get Her Off the Pitch!

The earlier we got the decorations up, the earlier we could start shopping and going to parties

DON'T LET THE FESTIVE SEASON START UNTIL DECEMBER

f, Father Eugene O'Hagan of The Priests

ci

Let me make one thing clear: I don't have a problem with the decorations, A street lights and shop displays that come with Christmas. But why do we have to be subjected to them in October?

Myyear has always been shaped by the liturgical calendar, where the lead-up to Christmas begins with Advent. If Christmas kicks off in the autumn, most people are bored by the time we get to December 25— the day Christians are supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus!

I suppose things started to change back in the 80s. Christmas became a commercial enterprise. The earlier we got the decorations up, the earlier we could start shopping and going to parties.

But now it's as if we want to turn Christmas into a massive consumerist theme park where, for most of the autumn and winter, everyone spends loads of money and supposedly has a big smile on their face. So, yes, put up the displays, go shopping ...but let's start on the first Sunday of Advent. The supermarkets will still have time to make their money, butIthink many of us would benefit spiritually—especially after the financial struggles we've all been through—by shifting the focus away from buying and back to the essential, religious meaning of Christmas.

As told to Danny Scott

MI The Priests' new album Noel is released on December 6. A significant portion of the profits go to charity.

IRESTORE CHRISTMAS AS A GENUINE DAY OF REST

Tony Jordan

It's often said there are only two certainties in life: death and taxes. But I'd like to propose a third. It's that, come Christmas Day,' will be found in my favourite armchair, a rum and Coke in one hand, a mince pie in the other, gently dozing off.

In a society where everyone lives their lives at a million miles an hour, we need a day when we all stop and take stock, when we stop worrying about what we haven't got and enjoy what we have. Yet many people continue to go about their business almost without pausing.

We should pass a law saying that no one is allowed to work on Christmas Day, other than doctors, nurses and other essential services. Garages must not open, nor corner shops—whatever the religion of the owner. As in previous decades, it should be completely impossible to do anything other than relax and enjoy our homes and families.

If anyone attempts to work, even if they're just putting up shelves, they should be rounded up and locked away until New Year's Day, just as we prevent hooligans from travellingduring important football matches.

Christmas should be a festive oasis in a world that's forgotten how to stand still. Do nothing. Enjoy. Merry Christmas!

• Tony Jordan is a TV scriptwriter. The Nativity,his four-part reworking of the traditional story, starts on BBC1 later this month.

In British town centres, all we usually get are a few rubbish coloured lights hung from trees

INVEST MORE IN PUBLIC CELEBRATIONS AND DECORATIONS

Bill Bailey

This February, my road in west London had a proper snow day. It was completely covered. No one could get to school or work, so everyone just came out into the street. We built snowmen and igloos, drinks were handed round and neighbours who'd never met before exchanged email addresses and phone numbers. The capital's residents can be very private, but nature had intervened to show we have a human need to connect with those around us and feel a part of something.

At Christmas, such public celebrations and events are particularly important. A few years ago, some friends who lived in Saranac Lake, New York State, invited me to stay. This little town had the most extraordinary Christmas decorations: they'd built an entire palace out of ice, there were animal sculptures and an amazing light show. It was awe-inspiring—a real event that people came to look at.

In British town centres, all we usually get are the odd carol service and a few rubbish coloured lights hung from trees.

There's a big Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park now, with rides and traditional foods and a singing elk that my five-year-old would be happy to watch indefinitely.

I'm sure most British town councils could do something similar, with proper decorations, fairs, street parties and large-scale concerts, so that town centres provide a real focal point where people can meet and celebrate.

After my road's ad hoc get-together, we all said we should do it again some time. But we never have. People, particularly in dislocated, big-city communities, need central support from councils to get things organised. Christmas is the perfect excuse.

As told to Simon Hemelryk ■ Bill Bailey's one-off comedy Car Park Babylon will be screened as part of Skyl's Little Crackers season this Christmas.

WHAT'S FOR CHRISTMAS

The A R UWNODR ovea3Le DINNER feast

RESEARCH BY ELLIE ROSE FOOD & STYLING BY ZOE HILL

PHOTOGRAPHED BY TIM HILL AT FABFOODPIX

POLAND

Christmas dinner in Poland takes place on Christmas Eve and contains no meat—just fish. Twelve courses are served, from beetroot soup (barszcz) with dumplings to fried carp and herring. Dessert could be a poppy-seed cake called makowiec.

NORWAY

In chilly Norway, many families eat dried, salted ribs of lamb (pinnekjott) or pork ribs (juleribbe). They accompany it with boiled potatoes and mashed swede, as well as spiced cabbage. For dessert, many Norwegians opt for creamed rice and fruit, or crème caramel.

ETHIOPIA

Ethiopian Christians eat a spicy chicken, goat or beef stew served on traditional injera flat bread.

GOA, INDIA

oa, ome o one of the largest Christian populations in India, Christmas is celebrated with sorpatel—a spicy pork and liver curry— or a pork vindaloo, It's served alongside a kind of rice-and-coconut bread called sanna.

Next year, sailors on the Volvo Ocean Race will be stuck on a boat between Abu Dhabi and Cape Town on Christmas Day. Because of weight restrictions and sailing shifts, Christmas dinner in these circumstances will be freeze-dried turkey tetrazzini!

ARGENTINA

In hot Argentina, families get together for a feast of grilled meats: often a prime cut of beef called peceto, as well as chicken and turkey. They're keen on stuffed tomatoes and salads—Christmas dinner is often served with a Russian potato salad or a classic Waldorf.

Jamaican Christmas meals can feature a host of dishes including rice and gungo peas, curried goat, roast chicken, duck and beef, stewed oxtail and baked leg of ham. For pudding, a Jamaican-style Christmas cake, made of fruit soaked in red wine and white rum, is popular.

John&Yoko

Gail Renard was at John and Yoko's legendary1969 Bed-In. But on a return visit, was it really quite how she remembered it?

I'd never planned to return to the Queen Elizabeth hotel in Montreal, where John Lennon and Yoko Ono held their famous Bed-In in 1969. It was enough that I'd sneaked in as a 16-year-old to get an interview for my school paper. Miraculously, I hit it off with the Lennons and was asked to stay for all eight days to help—after first getting permission from my mum, who insisted on speaking to John on the phone. Even John wouldn't cross a Jewish mother, and he promised there'd be no sex or drugs, though I hoped there'd be plenty of

A Soft Day's rock'n'roll.

Night? John and John often sang and played guitar in his Yoko starting a free moments; it was as natural to him as revolution from breathing. I busied myself all the time, their bed grateful for this golden opportunity. There

was certainly enough to do. I helped look after five-year-old Kyoko (Yoko's daughter from her first marriage) and made sure she had fun, too. Along with Derek Taylor, the Beatles' press agent, I shepherded the never-ending flow of TV, radio, film and press people in and out of the suite for interviews. When John was ready to record "Give Peace a Chance," he handed me his lyrics and asked me to write out a huge cue card for the sing-a-long. As a kid who'd never had any responsibility before, I revelled in being needed by my heroes.

It was also incredible to watch the Lennons at such close quarters. John was at the height of his happiness and fame; the Beatles hadn't officially broken up yet. The Lennons were on their honeymoon and were deeply in love. Yet John still found time not only for his peace demonstration, but also to encourage my dreams of becoming a writer. When my mother rang with my exam results, he was the first to congratulate me.

As if having a front-row seat in history wasn't enough, on the final day John made me a gift of his original handwritten lyrics to "Give Peace a Chance". It was the ultimate souvenir, even better than my Beatles bubblegum cards. It'd be hard to top all that, so why would I ever want to return? I'd heard the hotel had commercialised the event and I was afraid some of the magic would have faded. When anyone ever asked if I fancied going back, I'd ask, "Why? Will the Lennons be there?"

Peace, love and pyjamas16-year-old Gail with the Lennori.s

But when the hotel invited me back to revisit the scene of my youth, it seemed churlish not to go. I admit I was curious. I wanted to see the newly named "John and Yoko Suite", where you can now stay for $799 (000), including breakfast and a book or CD about the Bed-In. I couldn't believe that last year, for a 40th-anniversary special, the hotel even threw in white silk pyjamas just like the ones John wore, and offered the original menu of the time.

I can't say I was tempted. During the eight days, the Lennons barely got a moment to eat and, when they did, their diet consisted largely of orange juice, natural brown rice served cold

Their diet consisted largely of orange juice, natural. brown rice served coed and two-toned Jelin

(provided by the Hari Krishnas) and two-toned Jello—a favourite of Kyoko. So I approached the hotel with limited expectations, armed with cracks like, "Has our 1969 room service turned up yet?"

My cynicism began to falter when I was greeted graciously by the hotel's

PR, Joanne Papineau. She'd gone to the trouble of blocking off the expensive suite for me so I could explore it in peace. She also gave me the hotel's security log of the time to read. I was surprised because, until recently, the Queen Elizabeth had never talked about the Bed-In—it

wasn't in keeping with their image as one of Montreal's two grand hotels. In fact, they'd airbrushed it out of their history completely.

But now the hotel was eager to learn what had really happened. They were trying to do their bit to put together the pieces of peace history

At the time, the Lennons hadn't been wanted anywhere in Montreal. When John and Yoko touched down at Dorval airport (along with Kyoko and Derek Taylor) they were delayed by immigration, who were wary

that there'd be no drink or drugs at his Bed-In. He wanted the event to be about peace and nothing else, and he also hoped to get back into the US eventually. It was the same guarantee John gave to my mother, and he was a man of his word.

As a teenager, I couldn't understand how anyone could have any problems with a peace event. But reading the hotel's log, I started to see their side of the story. The first thing the Lennons did was remove all of the furniture and paintings from Suite 1742. I suddenly remembered the

The Lennons, like royalty, carried no money. let evv Lei ises itie bills were

run up in the first few days

about letting John in, since he'd been refused entry into the US because of a previous drug conviction. By the time the Lennon party finally cleared, mobs of fans had formed and the local police just wanted to get rid of them all. They drove the Lennon party to the Dorval boundary where their jurisdiction ended. From there, the Lennons were unceremoniously decanted and had to find a taxi to make their own way to the hotel.

As the log shows, John phoned the hotel to advise them he'd be late—not easy in those pre-mobile days. He'd also assured the hotel from the start

stacks of furniture piled up in the hotel corridors, which amused neither staff nor guests. At the time, I thought it reasonable that the Lennons wanted to make more room for the press and for John's hand-painted signs and drawings proclaiming love and peace.

John, the consummate showman, just wanted a large double bed to be the centrepiece of the room, which became the iconic symbol of the Bed-In. Aside from the powerful image, he knew that if he was going to be giving hundreds of interviews a day, he'd be more comfortable lying

"We're only trying to get us some peace!"

John and Yoko with news crews and with Gail (inset)

down. John had also arrived without the famed white silk pyjamas and had to ask the hotel to buy several pairs for him. The Lennons, like royalty, carried no money. The hotel grew tense as large bills were run up for the first few days, but eventually money came from Apple, the Beatles' record label.

John had also hung a huge banner made from a sheet outside his hotel window to publicise his location, which is how I found his suite. The hotel couldn't Avtt 117-, --Y,14-4,

Gail auctioning the lyric sheet and (inset) revisiting the most rock 'n' roll bed in history

have been thrilledby kids like me sneaking in.

Complaints started to pour in fromother guests. In that age of flower power, John loved strewing petals about. I enjoyed the forest of flowers that were delivered to the suite in a steady stream; the staff, who had to clean up the flower petals four times a day, loved it less.

The situation grew more tense still as the Bed-In became a victim of its own success. At least 150 members of the press passed through each day, wanting interviews with the Lennons. Long queues began to form in the corridors. Hotel guests complained about being accosted by "hippies" in the halls, begging for money. The staff log also reminded me that a cage

had to be found for a white mouse, which a fan had given to little Kyoko as a pet. Matters only grew worse when I reported that the white mouse had escaped. There were calls from guests to throw John out.

The staff retaliated as best they could by refusing to polish John's shoes or clean his hat when asked. John and Yoko tried to rectify the situation by renting more rooms to be

used as waiting areas and trying to be as considerate as possible. But the Lennons were there on an important mission: to protest for peace. They put their own money and reputations on the line, and attracted influential people from all over the world. And ultimately it worked. Following John and Yoko's example, "Give Peace a Chance" was sung by half a million demonstrators in Washington DC during a peace rally later that year. The Bed-In was instrumental in focusing mass opinion and shortening the Vietnam war, which are worth a few strewn flower petals in my book

When I revisited the suite I was amazed that, although the furniture had changed and years had passed, I felt like it was only yesterday. Of course there are photos of John, Yoko and the Bed-In all around, but their spirit of hope and adventure lingers. I felt oddly emotional because I could see the Lennons everywhere, still smiling kindly at me. What struck me more was how small the room is. No wonder feelings ran so high, passions were so intense and lasting friendships were formed. When the Bed-In culminated with the

recording of "Give Peace a Chance" with the cultural icons of the day, including psychologist Timothy Leary, musician Tommy Smothers and writer Alan Ginsberg, the room was a hothouse of creativity.

The present head of security, John Williams, was curious how I'd got past all the security—and so was I. With the advent of CCTV, I couldn't slip in so easily now, but I retraced my youthful steps up service lifts and back stairwells all the way to the 17th floor. I marvelled at my chutzpah and wished I had more of it today.

I'd never envisioned returning to the Queen Elizabeth hotel but I'm glad I did. I'm no longer sceptical of Bed-In-For-Peace hotel packages or souvenir pyjamas or menus. Anything that highlights John and Yoko's quest for peace is all right with me. In fact, I think that the world could use another Bed-In right now Anyone game?

GIVE ME A r°

• Give Me a Chance: my eight days with John and Yoko (£9.99, Walker Books), by Bafta award-winning TV writer Gail Renard, is out on December 6.

T'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

For Christmas one year, my friend decided to enclose cheques in her greeting cards rather than send gifts. Inside each card she wrote, "Buy your own presents," and then sent them off.

A few months later, she discovered the cheques she'd "posted" under a pile of books. Submitted by Ruth Williams

1975 The Explorers

Over the years, he's taken us to remote mountain tops, the bottom of the ocean and into the darkest jungles. So where now for Sir David Attenborough? How about the third dimension?

Here's something you don't see every day: a pterosaur brought to life in Flying Monsters 3D

Wildlife on One

For over half a century, Sir David Attenboroughhas been pushing the limits of wildlife broadcasting. Starting with Zoo Quest in 1954—one of TV's first-ever nature programmes—the 84-year-old has presented a jaw-dropping 50-plus TV series, helping take film technology to its limits and setting an almost impossibly high benchmark for the world's programme makers.

And now this month, the legendary pioneer will be taking things to a new level with the first-ever nature programme in three dimensions.

Flying Monsters 3D travels back 220 million years to the breathtaking, nightmarish world of the pterosaur. Often mistaken for dinosaurs, which lived on the land, these terrifying reptiles could fly and dominated the skies for more than 150 million years.

"Some of these giants had wingspans of jet-plane proportions and would have stood as tall as a house, swooping down on their prey at over 80mph," says Attenborough in that instantly recognisable voice. "You can see why they would make the perfect subject for a 3D film— flying across the skies and disappearing somewhere behind your sofa!"

Attenborough acquired a passion for pterosaurs and the natural world as a

boy, digging for fossils in the countryside near his family's Leicestershire home. "Finding a treasure that hadn't been seen by anyone for millions of years was like opening a door to another world. What small boy isn't going to be fascinated by that? Children—and adults—are still entranced by these creatures. We want to know what was here before us; to grab a fleeting glimpse back into the mists of time."

1989 Lost Worlds, Vanished Lives

Like so many of his other programmes, Flying Monsters 3D clocked up a fair few air miles—filming took place in New Mexico, France, Germany and here in the UK, where fossils show that dimorphodons once flew high in the skies above Lyme Regis. But, this time, he and the crew had to lug around heavy, temperamental 3D cameras.

"Although I'm used to travelling and working with cutting-edge equipment,

this was totally different," he explains. "The 3D camera is a brute of a thing; an absolute brute. It's actually made up of two cameras working together, and with all the lenses and mirrors it contains, it weighs up to nine stone and takes three or four people to carry it.

"The devices we used on a series like Planet Earthwere lightweight and able to handle anything from a wide-angle horizon shot to a close-up of an animal's

Is it a bird, is it a plane?

Sir David finally gets to fly with a guetzalcoatlus in his new TV series

1993 Life in the Freezer

head in the dark. That's impossible in 3D. Each shot requires a readjustment of the cameras—even changing a lens can take up to an hour because the two cameras have to be perfectly aligned. Can you imagine taking that into the wild? If a lion is about to make a kill, you can't really shout, 'Sorry, mate, do you mind waiting a few minutes? We need to change the lens.' "

But while Attenborough acknowledges the disadvantages of filming in 3D, that doesn't mean he's not a fan. In preparation for Flying Monsters, he sat down with his producer Anthony Geffen and watched a whole host of

Gorillas at play: the classic grooming scene from Life on Earth

3D treats, including scenes from James Cameron's blockbuster Avatar.

"Technology is sufficiently advanced for us to bring long-extinct creatures to life on screen," he says, "but 3D takes it one step further. That's why I jumped at the chance to do this programme."

At one point in the show, we see him take to the air in a large glider, only to be joined (and dwarfed) by a mighty quetzalcoatlus with a 30-foot wingspan —the largest flying creature that's ever existed. As he recalls this scene, it's easy to see a twinkle in his eye.

"It might be tough at the moment, but if they continue developing 3D,

wildlife documentary makers will be first in the queue. I'm sure the gorilla scene [the legendary set piece, pictured below, from 1979's Life On Earth,when he was groomed by Rwandan mountain gorillas] would have been wonderful in 3D. To see them coming towards the camera; to see how close we were."

Talk of 3D cameras seems a long way from when Attenborough joined the BBC in 1952. A handful of television

film was 100 feet long and lasted just two minutes and 40 seconds. After that, you had to load a new film and wind it up again. We tried taking them into the rainforest, but the film was so insensitive that it was just too dark and all we got was a blank screen."

But, he says, TV is "a thriving, vibrant, advancing world". Cameras gradually became smaller, more powerful and battery-powered; zoom lenses allowed him to film shy or dangerous animals

"I'M INTERESTED IN ANYTHING THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO TELL A STORY"

programmes had been broadcast from the Alexandra Palace studios in north London, but ITV was still three years away and TV was a relative novelty

"You've got to remember that we're talking about more than 50 years ago! Way back when my knees still worked properly," he laughs, referring to his famously troublesome joints. "Our black-and-white studio cameras were mounted on bicycle wheels and the cameras we took out in the field were wind-up. Yes, wind-up. Like toys!

"After you got them going, you would have 40 seconds of filming time. Each

in close-up; and then, of course, there was colour.

"My job is to tell stories, so I'm always going to be interested in anything that will allow me to tell an even better story and explore a little bit further. The introduction of colour in the late Sixties was the perfect example. At the time, I was controller of BBC2 and I saw colour as a huge improvement in programme-making. Sadly, not everyone agreed. I remember people saying to me, 'What's wrong with black and white? If we're looking at some birds or a man in a studio, does it matter if

1998 The Life of Birds

it's in colour?' These days, that seems like a totally absurd idea!"

Of course, Attenborough wasted no time in moving forward, commissioning groundbreaking documentary series like Civilisation (1969), Alistair Cooke's America (1972) and The Ascent OfMan (1973), before beginning work on his own epic, Life On Earth, in 1976.

"Technology has always been one of the driving forces of natural-history documentaries. Over the years, we've had every advance imaginable. We've got a camera that will fit inside a bird's nest. We can film from the top of the skies to the bottom of the sea; in bright sunlight or the dead of night. We can speed life up and slow it down."

Does he ever worry that he'll get left behind by all the new technology and filming techniques?

"As long as you see change in that positive way, you'll be fine," he says. "Every time we make a series, the team will sit around and say, 'Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if...' So the technical guys start investigating the equipment that's being developed and come up with a solution. Take the high-speed cameras that were used to film great white sharks attacking seals in Planet Earth. Great whites have been filmed in slow motion

2002 The Life of Mammals

before, but that high-speed footage gave us the shot and the detail that we'd been dreaming of."

Asked if all the new technology and effects might make filmmakers lazy, he splutters with indignation. "Lazy? Lazy! On the contrary, it makes documentarymaking even more adventurous, risky and exciting. I can take my camera into increasingly remote places and film things no one has seen before.

"Remember that technology is only a tool. It can't take the place of talent and a good story. Were Morecambe and Wise funnier in colour than in black and white? Of course not! Will gadgets and gizmos give me all I need to make an award-winning documentary? If that's what you think, you're a fool.

"Let's take something like the snow leopard scene from Planet Earth. What made that special was the fact that the cameraman spent two years waiting to film something that no one had ever filmed before. Two years! And it lasted for just a matter of minutes on screen. You'll always need old-fashioned hard work, experience, skill and patience."

As always, Attenborough has several irons in the fire—a workload that would challenge men half his age. Following

the screening ofFirst Life(about nature's early animals) on BBC2 last autumn, he's currently working on another BBC project, Frozen Planet,due in 2011. That should scotch any rumours that Sky's involvement in Flying Monsters 3D signals a parting of the ways.

"Not at all!" he says, shifting from boyish enthusiasm to steely glare. "The reason I made this with Sky is that they have the 3D capability. At the moment, the BBC doesn't. Simple as that."

As one of the BBC's greatest assets, does he worry about the impending spending cuts at the corporation?

"Yes...yes, I do." The steely glare is

back. "But, look here, it's not my job to comment on these stories. It's my job to make television programmes and that's what I'm going to carry on doing. I've got plans with the BBC that take me right up until 2012 and I'm very, very happy about that."

No thoughts of retirement, then?

"There's still too much I want to do. Too much I want to see. Do you know that I'm 84 and I've never seen a giant squid? Wouldn't you love to go searching for a giant squid?"

>> Flying Monsters 3D begins on Sky 3D on Christmas Day.

"A CAMERAMAN WAITED TWO YEARS TO FILM A SNOW LEOPARD. AND IT LASTED JUST A FEW MINUTES ONSCREEN"

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MEETTHE MODERN BUTLER

The original butler: Hudson . from Upstairs, Downstairs

A remake of Upstairs, Downstairs starts this month, taking viewers back to a time when the rich had servants at their beck and call. But no one lives like that these days—do they?

The Christmas tree thief

Prem Anand J Rao smiles when he watches his historical counterparts in programmes such as Downton Abbey. He's more likely to be checking traffic news on his iPhone, organising a private jet or firing off emails than polishing the family silver. "Obviously, that's still part of my job," he explains. "But the 21stcentury butler has to be so much more:

chauffeur, valet, handyman, bookkeeper, cook...it depends on the family.

"What hasn't changed are the values that all butlers must adhere to: trust, loyalty and the ability to read people's minds. If I'm looking after someone and they suddenly feel thirsty, I'll do my best to have their drink on the table before they've even called me over!"

Born in Madras, India, the 39-year-old went straight from school into being an apprentice waiter. He quickly moved up

the five-star hotel ladder, becoming head waiter, assistant manager then, in 2000, P&O's first on-ship butler on the Aurora. His maiden-voyage guests included Princess Anne and the Thatchers.

"Lady Thatcher was kind, but you could tell she was a determined character," he recalls. "Denis just liked to have a laugh. He was always smiling."

Three years ago, he took up his first domestic-butler position, working for "a very important man" on his Buckinghamshire estate. "I'd prefer to keep his identity secret," says Prem. "He's often in the media."

Earlier this year he began working for a rich businessman in the Home Counties, where his Hungarian wife Zsuzsanna is now the housekeeper. Does he mind being at another man's beck and call? Prem shakes his head. "Most people have a boss who tells them what to do. I have time to myself. I go to the gym, travel, read and write a blog for the Butler Bureau website.*

"I have friends who are butlers and we obviously talk about our jobs—but never about the people we work for. If you have a big mouth, you'll soon be looking for another job."

Prem has had his fair share of strange requests. "On the cruise ship one Christmas, a wealthy guest told me, 'My sevenyear-old won't go to sleep unless there's a Christmas tree in her room.' We were mid-ocean! So I did the only thing I could—I nicked the tree from reception. The little girl was happy, my guests were happy, I was happy... but the purser wasn't happy at all. I never told him it was me!" Danny Scott

* Go to readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblink

The butter did it...stole the Christmas tree, that is: Prem Rao strikes an -- -innocent pose

By royal appointment

For 50-year-old Paul Swann, butler to an aristocratic family on a Suffolk estate, every day is hectic, but shoot days are particularly demanding.

"By 7am, you've got the silver and crystal prepped and cleaned. You'll then set up for breakfast. Guns are at the table by eight and the guests are into the field by 8.30. You'll serve refreshments during the day, then there's lunch, afternoon tea, get the fires lit, clean the guns, lock them up, put away the ammunition—and then there's dinner."

As well as organising the shoots and looking after his employers' daily needs, Paul also helps run the property as a wedding venue. But he loves his demanding work. After all, he has service in his blood—for ten years, he worked in his family's Norfolk hotel, and has now spent 20 years as a butler,

"The things I've seen! I could write a better book than Mr Burrell"

working for, among others, the Danish and Saudi royal families.

"My sister is also in private service, as the house manageress for the King and Queen of Qatar," he adds.

"The jump from hotels to being a butler isn't huge," he explains. "Private

Light my fire: Paul Swann performing one of his many duties

service is much the same as a high-class hotel, except that the clients don't change and you're doing certain extra duties—valeting clothes, cleaning the silver, packing for travel and walking the gun dogs.

"When you become a butler, you become part of the client's family; a team. You've got to get on with them— nine out often times, you're living under the same roof.

"But you always remember that you're staff, and I enjoy the protocol. Some people want you to use their Christian names instead of their title, but I don't like that. I like the defining line between staff and boss."

If butlers don't live in the family house, they tend to live in nearby rentfree flats. Wages for an under-butler are £15-20,000 but, for the most successful butlers working for the richest

American and Middle Eastern employers, earnings can hit six figures.

"It can be very well paid," says Paul, who has worked as a freelance butler for families on the move for much of the last seven years. "And some of the places you go to are extraordinary.

I've been to Mykonos, Hydra, Athens, Paris, Verbier, Gstaad, Monaco: you're not stuck below stairs the way people might think you are."

Despite recent reports of Saudis abusing servants, Paul got on famously with the Saudi prince he served for two years until 2002.

"He was an absolute gentleman," he says. "I've never been mistreated in service."

Paul helped look after some of the prince's 20 properties. "He had so many that it was like managing a series of hotels, with a vast entourage attached to each. We'd deal with the change-arounds whenever the family moved household—every room in every property had to be immaculate.

"Royal families need to know what they're committed to do every minute of the day. If there's a meeting at one, it must always be at one on the dot. As a butler, you have to make sure that everything runs like clockwork."

So what does Paul think are the most crucial skills needed to do his job? "Honesty and discretion. The things I've seen, I could write a better book than Mr Burrell," he says. "But I totally disagree with what he did. Never, ever, do you write about these things; it's just not done."

Harry Mount

The young traditionalist

He may only be 28, but Andrew Skipper has already decided he wants to spend his life in service.

Registered with a London domestichelp company, Staff of Distinction, he's looking for a new position after recently finishing a four-year stint as an underbutler for Sir Evelyn de Rothschild and his legendary banking family at Ascott House in Buckinghamshire.

"My friends are a bit surprised by what I do—they didn't even realise butlers still exist. They think it's quite old-fashioned, but I love delivering a service and it's what I want to do until the day I retire.

"You meet people you wouldn't normally meet and you experience their way of life. There wasn't any rank of high society that the Rothschilds didn't mix with; everyone was incredibly kind and treated me as an equal, but I did get a sense of 'old Britain'. I think our stately homes are a very important aspect of keeping this country great.

"I had a mixture of duties at Ascott House: cleaning the silver, serving at the table, helping the housekeepers and cleaning the furniture—all in a staff of three housekeepers and two butlers.

"It was a very good structure and we all got on, mucked in and helped out. The basic day was 8am to 5pm, but it might extend to 10.30 or llpm if you were helping at dinner. Exhausting as it was, it was very enjoyable. I could talk normally to Sir Evelyn and I'm

"Are you sure these jeans are suitable, sir?"

THE BUTLER OF SUBURBIA

PHOTOGRAPHED BY NICK SINCLAIR

"I don't mind the laundry, but they're pushing their luck with the bunny slippers"

My house is a humble abode.It's got only two bedrooms, the bathroom's downstairs and the nearest thing we have to servants' quarters is a concrete shed full of old A-ha records and spiders. Not the sort of place you'd usually see a butler. But, just for a couple of hours (for the purposes of a photoshoot) Andrew

Skipper was at my, and my wife's, disposal. We haven't got any silver to polish and it was a bit early to repair to the drawing room, so I lurked in my bed, waiting to be waited on. First, Andrew brought me the paper to read; then, when I'd finished, my jeans to change into. He was the consummate professional, a calming,

"Would madam care for another toy?"

subtle presence, but I felt a bit odd receiving such attention from a man almost the same age as me while I sat in my manky dressing gown. Is it easier if you're a billionaire tycoon who orders people around all day? I suppose it is.

Our one-year-old daughter Lilly was much more comfortable with Andrew

as he brought her various toys to play with. But then she's used to being waited on. My wife Joy—who isn't—was, sadly, spending too much time making sure Lilly didn't succeed in one of her frequent attempts to injure herself to really benefit from Andrew's attention at all.

He did, however, do a very good job of

Separated at birth?

Master and servant in perfect harmony

-hinguig out romper suits, graciously ignoringthe fact that no one had cut the lawn for several months.

Our house is too small for more than two adults, I concluded—but if we had a loft-extension and needed a lodger to pay for it, Andrew would be ideal.

Simon Hemelryk

very grateful to him—he trained me."

Like Paul, service is in Andrew's genes. His father is an under-butler at a Bedfordshire estate where his mother is head housekeeper. "During my teens, I developed a passion for housework," he says, "When I saw my parents in service, I thought, I like what they do."

Andrew lived in a self-contained flat inside the Rothschilds' home, going to Dartford, Kent, to see his girlfriend Shelley (now his wife) on his days off.

"There was plenty of free time and you could always get away if you wanted. London was only 40 minutes away, but

"During my teens, I developed a passion for housework"

once you were on the estate, you felt as if you were in the middle of nowhere —even though it's just 12 miles from Milton Keynes."

Andrew left the Rothschilds' service after a reorganisation of their staff and can't wait to get back to "butlering" somewhere new.

"If attention to detail and treating people with respect come naturally to you, it can be an incredible life."

Harry Mount

>> Upstairs Downstairs starts on BBC1 later this month.

>> For more information on becoming a butler, visit readersdigest.co.uk/links.

SOMEEE ID PLEASE?

By Amy Ferguson

PHOTOGRAPHED BY BARRY MARSDEN

Stocking up with Christmas drinks? Spare a thought for those who struggle to buy a single bottle—because they look too young. At 25?

I was trying to buy a bottle of wine in Waitrose."Can I see some ID?" asked the cashier, who couldn't have been more than 18 herself. "I don't have ID, but I'm 25," I responded, expecting this to be the end of it. I've rarely been ID'd since I turned 18, so I'm quite certain that I look my age. Nor was the wine— a relatively pricy bottle intended as a present—the usual teenage fare.

But the cashier applied the supermarket's rigid policy: once ID is asked for, the sale can't go ahead until it's produced, no matter what.

When I tried to argue my case, I was escorted past the damning stares of fellow shoppers to the customer service desk, making me feel as though I'd been accused of shoplifting. Then a babyfaced manager arrived, his manner oscillating between patronising and accusing—it was assumed that I was a liar, when my only offence was not to own any form of acceptable ID.

Despairing, I gave up and went to a rival supermarket, where the cashier

sold me a similar bottle of wine without blinking. So in the end I got what I wanted—but with much more stress than I'd bargained for.

Just an isolated inconvenience?

If only. It's exasperatingly common for people my age. When I swapped notes with my 25-year-old friends, it turned out that they too have all been ID'd much more frequently this year than they have previously.

"When I was at uni I hardly ever got ID'd, but now it happens just about every time I buy something age-restricted at Marks & Spencer," says Katie. Why? It's an overreaction to the increasingly harsh penalties imposed on those who sell alcohol to underage drinkers. Fines of up to £5,000 can be levied on the retailer or the person who makes the sale. This rises to £10,000 for persistent offenders—and retailers can also be temporarily closed down. These deterrents are set to get even stronger following the Coalition Government's pledge to tackle "problem drinking", with a proposal that includes raising the maximum fine to £20,000.

utterly ridiculous. I realise they're being more careful, but is there no room for common sense?"

More preposterous still, my friend Sasha was ID'd buying a cake slice. Yes, a cake slice—that weapon of mass destruction. "A cake slice doesn't strike me as a particularly dangerous implement. Besides, are people over the age limit less likely to harm someone with

More preposterous still, my friend Sasha was ID'd vying a cake slice!

No wonder supermarkets are anxious to avoid these penalties—but there's sensible precaution and then there's taking it to extremes. And it's not just about alcohol.

Take my friend Rosie. She was recently ID'd buying a scratch card, with an age restriction of 16: "I felt

a cake slice than people under it?"

Voluntary, industry-wide schemes such as Think 25 compound the problem. Think 25 is an extension of Think 21, which trains cashiers to ask for ID when they believe someone is under 21 instead of under 18. Think 25 takes this even further, encouraging staff to challenge shoppers who look under 25, a full seven years above the legal drinking age. OK, so judging age can be difficult, but Think 25 is a step too far. These policies are inherently discriminatory, preventing people like me from carrying out a perfectly legal activity. And judging by my friends' experiences, women are affected more than men—is it because we lack the facial hair that presumably hints at greater maturity? Should I consider

donning a false beard in order to buy a bottle of Merlot?

It doesn't help that we don't have a system of universal ID cards in the UK, so providing proof of age isn't as simple as it sounds. Driving licences are the obvious choice, but for the many young people who don't drive, the £50 cost of a provisional licence is prohibitive. And it's just not practical to carry your passport around with you all the time.

This leaves ID cards that show the PASS hologram, introduced in 2003 in an attempt to provide a common standard. There's a bewildering array of PASS cards available—some accepted nationally, others regionally, and varying in price from £20-£30 if you want your application to be processed quickly, or £10-£20 if you're happy to wait.

And even if you manage to wade through the bureaucratic swamp to emerge triumphant with your card, sometimes the supermarket staff don't even know what it is. On top of this, one friend got her card as soon as she

turned 18 and now finds staff sometimes refuse to accept it because the photo no longer looks like her.

My generation has already got enough to cope with. We're facing enormous obstacles to taking on the responsibilities of adulthood, such as moving out of home or getting a foot on the career ladder. Discriminatory, ageobsessed policies like Think 25 are just one more obstacle and contribute to the infantilisation of young people. The truth is that if you treat us like children, we're more likely to behave that way.

>> Amy Ferguson has followed a perfectly logical career path from her degree in ancient history and her MA in philosophy to her current job in marketing. She prides herself on making the perfect gin and tonic.

>> Do you agree with Amy that ID policies are too strict? Email readersletters@ readersdigest or join the debate on our website at readersdigest.co.uk/ID. Do you know someone

who'd

like a talking magazine this Christmas?

READER'S DIGEST is available in atalking editionfor blind and partially sighted people. Each month, a selection from the issue is recorded by National Talking Newspapers and Magazines and is available on two audio CDs or cassettes, DAISY disk (compatible with RN IB Talking Book players), MP3 download or digital full text, playable on a computer. The service is available for a modest annual subscription.For details,contact the National Recording Centre, 10 Browning Road, Heathfield, East Sussex TN21 8DB (01435 866 102; info@tnauk.org.uk). Donations to National Talking Newspapers and Magazines should go to the same address. See readersdigest.co.uk/links for more.

Ken Barth% looks back on a life on Coronation Street, as the soap celebrates its 50th anniversary

i Remember...

...playing football on the cobbles outside my house, No 3 Coronation Street, with my younger brother David. When it was wet, those old leather balls were so heavy it was like kicking a bag of sand.

On one occasion, when I was about ten, David sliced the ball into the window of the mission hall. It didn't break, but Ena Sharples, the irascible caretaker, came running out brandishing her umbrella. We

ran away and didn't dare go back to the street for hours.

I never saw that ball again. I very much expect that she popped it.

...walking out onto the mudflats at low tide at Fleetwood to look at the wrecked fishing boats. When my father Frank was serving in the army, money was tight—but my mother Ida always endeavoured to take David and me to my auntie's caravan at the Lancashire seaside resort every summer.

On one occasion, I got stuck in the wet sand. As the tide crept in, David managed to pull me free. Thankfully, we made it back to the shore, but not without a slap on the thigh from my mother for losing my new sandals in the sand.

...discovering Robert Tresseit's The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists for the first time. A copy

Me during my not-so-respectable student days; (bottom left) casting a critical eye over the wedding presents with my first wife Valerie

was poking from underneath a bookcase in Weatherfield library. It was tatty and had a coffee stain on the cover, but I was hooked after a page.

I was 15 and until that point I'd associated literature with the regal courts and castles of Shakespeare and the delicate poetry of Wordsworth. But this was a world similar to my own; a working-class milieu where characters fought against an unfair society.

So my passion for literature was ignited and my politics shaped. I was set on a path that led to university, training as a teacher and even becoming a budding novelist myself.

...causing a real storm when Idescribed my neighbours as "lazy-minded, politically ignorant, starved of a real culture and prejudiced against any advance in human insight and scientific progress". This was in a 1962 article for the leftwing political review Survival. My words sound very harsh now I was a teacher not long out of university and had some trenchant ideals. It frustrated me that more people didn't think the same way I did. The exuberance of youth!

...returning home after serving seven days in prison in1967. I'd been arrested for "obstructing

a footpath" during a protest against the Vietnam war and refused to pay a fine. I didn't see how I'd committed a crime —I was exercising my right to freedom of speech.

I didn't receive a warm welcome home from Valerie, my wife at the time. But, to this day, I don't regret my actions. I've always tried to stand up for what I believed was right, even if it meant causing friction in my personal life.

"Ragged Trousered what?"

Attempting to impress my brother David (left) and mother

Ida with my choice of reading material

...my father's pipe and the wisps of blue smoke that zigzagged in the air as he waved it about during our many rows. It caused him great consternation that I didn't want a life working ina factory. I know now he just wanted the best for me

Mike Baldwin on the receiving end of my fist after I found out he'd been seeing my daughter Susan

...organising a disco in 1979 and inviting Deirdre along as my date.She was a beautiful young woman with a real sense of fun and mischief.

I was living with Albert, Valerie's uncle, at the time. Valerie had been electrocuted by a hairdryer in 1971. Albert didn't approve of Deirdre—he thought she was beneath me.

It was quite a turbulent courtship, with many breakups and flings before we married. I suppose, looking back, this was a precursor to our turbulent married life. But I believe the fact we've overcome some massive hurdles yet are still together shows the strength of our relationship.

Uncle Albert was wrong— I was never too good for Deirdre. I'm extremely lucky to have her in my life.

...the hurt I felt in 1983 when I discovered Deirdre was having an affairwith the local factory owner. The fact she'd chosen Mike Baldwin intensified her betrayal. He represented everything I opposed. He was brash and vulgar and his sole aim in life was to make money. We tried to save our marriage, but the residual bitterness ate away at us and we divorced in 1992.

...emptying out a bottle of painkillers and lining themup as I contemplated ending my

life. I was at my lowest ebb. Deirdre and I had separated, I'd lost my home and another relationship had ended badly. At 51, I felt that I'd failed in every aspect of my life.

An old friend, Bet Gilroy, found me with the pills and talked sense into me. I will be eternally grateful to Bet as, without her, I would have missed out on remarrying Deirdre, not to mention meeting my array of brilliant and beautiful grandchildren.

...working as a male escort. This was something I entered into unwittingly at first, due to my wily and persuasive friend Alec Gilroy, Bet's husband. I had reservations, but I've always enjoyed the company of women and was tempted by the prospect of earning money for the privilege. I must point out that I offered companionship and nothing more!

...finding Mike Baldwin wandering in the street in his pyjamas. He was a very sick man at the time and it was a great worry to see him out on the street, alone, confused and lost. We'd been rivals over the years, yes. But we'd both mellowed with age and there was a grudging respect between us. Antipathy had turned to friendship.

Second time lucky? Re-tying the knot with Deirdre

...I called an ambulance for Mike but he had a heart attack and died in my arms. de may not have chosen to spend his final moments in this way, but I like to think he passed away with the person who knew him better than anyone

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As told to Coronation Street story associate Lee

O'Donnell

...dancing in the Rovers Return with Deirdre on our second wedding day in 2005. I expect a few people in there were surprised to see me leading the revelry. But it was a joyous occasion. Of all my failed relationships, the breakdown of my marriage to Deirdre had pained me the most.

A cloud of sadness hangs over the memory of that day, though, as Ray Langton, Deirdre's ex-husband and my stepdaughter Tracy's father, passed away in the pub during our celebrations. However, after remaining estranged for almost 30 years, he'd managed to make peace with Deirdre and Tracy before the end. I know that it brought some comfort in their time of grief.

...my mother-in-law Blanche convincing herself that I was gay. I'd made a very charming new acquaintance in Ted Page, who was homosexual. Blanche thought that because we'd met at a hotel (for an exhibition, might I add), this obviously meant I'd developed feelings for members of the same sex. I would have thought that, with my history, there would have been no question marks over my sexuality!

Blanche had a vicious tongue, but deep down she had a good heart and, despite all our disagreements over the years, I miss her terribly.

>> ITV marks the 50th anniversary of Coronation Street on December 9 with a week of special shows.

ORE CORRIE FACTS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS!

Corrie isn't just the Nation's Street, as the TV ads suggest—it's watched in 71 countries.

In Canada, broadcaster CBC moved the show to a primetime slot in 2004 following a public appeal. The start of live televised ice hockey games (the national sport) had to be moved back half an hour.

* The Queen has visited Weatherfield twice, in 1982 and 2005—the same year that Prince Charles made a cameo appearance to mark ITV's 50th birthday. te The BBC turned down the show twice—and when creator Tony Warren finally sold it to Granada, one executive advised him to cut the role of Ena Sharples. Ena, of course, became one of the most popular characters in the show's history. wf There have been 39 births, 114 deaths and 88 weddings on the show. Fifty-one barmaids have worked at the Rovers Return.

No 7 Coronation Street has had the most residents-71 in all, including the newly-wed Ken and Deirdre Barlow, barmaid Raquel Watts and the McDonalds.

Could yourewrite the lyrics of a traditional carol to bring them bang up to date?

That's the challenge we set you in our Octobelissue. The coTretition was tough—but our winner and runner-up pack a real festive punch! So clear your throats "everyone, turn the page, and prepare to hold forth...

Congratulations to Neil Graham from Nottingham, our £200-winner, who cruised to victory with these lyrics, to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"

God rest ye merry, gentlemen, Let nothing you dismay; We're stopping with the mum-in-law

This year on Christmas Day. The kids in tow, so off we go, Down to the motorway.

Oh tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, Oh tidings of comfort and joy.

God rest ye merry, gentlemen, Whatever can we do?

We drove straight down the slip road Into a ten-mile queue.

The children shout, "Please let us out, We want to use the loo."

Oh tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, Oh tidings of comfort and joy.

God rest ye merry, gentlemen, At last we're here with Mum.

The children love Gran's smiling face, But this year she looks glum. "I thought it fine to buy online, The turkey hasn't come."

Oh tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, Oh tidings of comfort and joy.

God rest ye merry, gentlemen, We've missed the turkey roast. We're celebrating Christmas With plates of beans on toast. But my family is dear to me, The ones I love the most.

Yes! Tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, Yes! Tidings of comfort and joy.

And we decided to give £50 of book tokens to 13-year-old Heidi Drake from Perth, for this deserving effort (also to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen")

The snow is falling thick and fast, Christmas will soon be here. Though it will very soon be past, There still will be good cheer.

We have no school for two weeks now, Oh what a lovely thought!

And I have all my presents bought, presents bought, And I have all my presents bought!

We go outside with woolly hats, And all our winter gear. There's so much cold and snow out there, The best time of the year!

Our breath comes out in misty clouds Of freezing cold air,

We build snowmen with twigs as hair, twigs as hair, We build snowmen with twigs as hair.

We decorate the Christmas tree With tinsel and bright lights!

The house is filled with Christmas glee And full of pretty sights!

We've put out milk and carrots And tiny apple pies.

For when he, Santa Claus, arrives, he arrives,

For when he, Santa Claus, arrives!

I go to bed on Christmas Eve, And can't wait till the morn! I think of what Santa leaves

The day that Christ was born, The child born in stables and laid in a manger And died to save us from danger, danger And died to save us from danger!

The special day has finally come, I wake to lots of noise

My family's having lots of fun, With all their Christmas toys. There's heaps of wrapping paper on the bedroom floor

And I couldn't wish for anything more, anything more,

And I couldn't wish for anything more!

The X-mas Factor?

The Reader's Digest team promised to sing the winning carols (had someone been at the sherry?— Ed). More impressively, so did the East Sheen choir. Go to readers digescco.uk/carolsto see what's destined to be a modern classic.:

In 2009, Ama ox was controversially found guilty of mur • • But what's been the effect of t " ase on h eter Popham gains exclusive access to the a global media storm

From class clown to convicted killer Amanda Knox arrives for a hearing in Perugia, on June 17 this year

By the end of November, a bench of Italian judges will have withdrawn to consider whether the young American woman before them has suffered an appalling miscarriage of justice or is one of the most depraved murderers of modern times—a person capable not only of throttling and slashing her friend to death on a whim, but also of then covering up her involvement in the murder so cunningly that not a trace of her presence remained at the bloodstained crime scene.

Nobody in the news has divided people quite like Amanda Knox. Is she a victim of Italian anti-Americanism? Or are her own supporters guilty of racism —against Italy and its justice system?

Of course, nothing could be worse than the suffering of Meredith Kercher's family as the courts continued to scrutinise every aspect of her murder. But Amanda Knox's family, too, has been in an agonised state as they've waited to see if their daughter would be flying home to Seattle—or spending another 20 years in an Italian prison.

For her family, "Foxy Knoxy" is not a soubriquet suggesting sexual high jinks, but the nickname Amanda acquired as an eight-year-old football player. For them, she is not the druggedup temptress of the tabloids, but the fresh-faced kid who won a school award for "academic excellence, community service, enthusiasm, kindness and total integrity". Her faults may include impulsiveness, forgetting to return rented videos and being a hopeless driver—but, they swear, she couldn't hurt a fly, let alone her British friend and flatmate.

Her mother Edda Mellas, stepfather Chris Mellas, natural father Curt Knox and sister Deanna, have supported her every step of the way. "It's difficult," says Chris. "The stress on the family is excessive. It permeates everything. Because you're so stressed, it's easier to get into arguments. It dominates your life completely: you wake up and it's the first thing on your mind and the last thing when you go to sleep. And frequently it bothers you while you're sleeping."

The bare facts of the case are well known. Meredith Kercher, from Coulsdon in Surrey, was a 21-year-old who'd recently moved to the handsome Italian city of Perugia for a year as part of a student exchange programme. On the night of November 1, 2007, she was murdered in her bedroom in the flat she shared with Amanda and two young Italian women. Her throat had been cut

"It's difficult. The stress on the family permeates everything. It dominates your Life completely"

and she'd been repeatedly stabbed.

A week later, after long periods of questioning, Amanda and her Italian boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito were named as suspects and jailed. Murder charges were eventually filed against them, and in December 2009, both were convicted and sentenced to jail: Amanda for 26 years, Raffaele for 25.

A third suspect in the case, Rudy Guede, had also been convicted in an earlier trial. He was the only one of the three who left multiple forensic traces in Meredith's room, and who admitted being in the house when she was killed. Despite this, his sentence was reduced on appeal from 30 years to 16.

Amanda Knox at her murder trial rl June 2009: the rosecution could find no motive

During Amanda and Raffaele's trial, the prosecution had the task of explaining why two students with no record of criminal or violent behaviour should take it into their heads to butcher a fellow student with whom they had been conversing amicably a few hours before. The prosecution's story kept changing. It was the wild culmination of an orgy of sex and drugs. It was to steal Meredith's money. It was because Amanda hated Meredith. But none of these theories withstood inspection, and finally the prosecution advised the court that the motive was unknown.

Amanda and Raffaele drew attention to themselves the day after the murder, ►

Amanda's mothe

Edda Mellas:

"She's in prison. Everythin abou

said, 'Come home.' But she wanted to stay: she was so upset about her friend's death"

kissing and cuddling outside the crime scene. Later, she went with him when he was summoned for questioning to the police station, where she turned cartwheels and performed yoga exercises while waiting. For the police this was strange, unseemly behaviour that seemed to point to her guilt.

Chris Mellas admits to having been worried about what might become of Amanda on the other side of the world: "Oh yeah, we were worried. She's a goofy kid. For instance, she'd given up driving because she was such a terrible driver. She'd do silly things like trying to read while she was driving.

So she would ride over from college on her bike—an hour and a half cycle. The temperature would be a few degrees above freezing, but she wouldn't care. She'd turn up, lips blue, wearing a T-shirt, trousers that came down to mid-calf and flip-flops. I'd say, 'What were you thinking?' And she'd say, 'This was what I wanted to wear today.' Then I'd say, And it's not cold?"Yeah, it's pretty cold outside.' And how about a jacket?' and she'd just go, 'Eh!' You know...that's Amanda..."

When Chris, Edda or Curt say, with a sigh, "That's Amanda," they are thinking of incidents like the "football game puddle".

"She was about 14," remembers Chris. "We were at a football tournament that was just finishing. It was a typical Seattle day—dumping buckets of rain. There was this enormous mud puddle, and the soccer coach looked at Amanda and said, 'I bet you wouldn't jump into that. I'd give you five bucks if you did.' But she didn't just jump into it, she did a belly flop and splashed everybody, not thinking for a second that she had to get into a car in a few minutes and go home.

"These are the things that are just her. I would say most class clowns are like that. She's incredibly intelligent. At the same time she is wonderful at things like jumping in a puddle..."

Another thing that was typically "just her" was how she behaved in the aftermath of the murder. When she and Raffaele—who claimed they had spent the night of the murder together at his flat nearby—went round to her own flat

on the morning of November 2 and realised something was very wrong (although Meredith's body had yet to be discovered), they called the police and waited for them to arrive. Later in the day, Amanda called her mother in Seattle to tell her what had happened.

In a conversation recorded by Perugia police, Edda Mellas urged her daughter to come home. But Amanda insisted on staying. "I had no problem with her wanting to help," says Edda, "but I said, 'OK, give your statement then come home.' But she wanted to stay in Perugia: she was so upset about her friend's death. She wanted to do anything she could do to help. She definitely had every opportunity and encouragement to come home, and she turned it down."

Having their vulnerable young

daughter jailed 6,000 miles from home on a murder charge has put tremendous strains on the family. Chris, an IT engineer, persuaded his company to allow him to work out of the office, so he spends much of his time in the flat they have rented between Perugia's out-oftown jail and the city. Edda, a maths teacher, is only able to come over from America twice a year. To pay the legal bills they have had to remortgage their home.

"I haven't lived from pay cheque to pay cheque since I was in my twenties," says Chris, acknowledging that his savings and hopes of an early retirement have completely vanished. Curt Knox says that, as a broad-brush figure, the case has cost the family ►

around a million dolleaving Perugia lars so far—and it jail after visitin would have been far Amanda last worse without the Chr' thousands of supporters who have contributed to the Amanda Defense Fund. Today the family survives on hope. "It's encouraging that in the Italian appeals system things do get overturned quite often," says Edda, "and that mistakes made at the trial will be fixed. Every Italian I meet tells me to have strength and courage and that it will all be OK. There are moments when I am very sure that it's all going to turn out fine. And then there are moments when I am in despair that another mistake will be made..."

Even the rare opportunities for a family reunion are vulnerable to being poisoned by a media that takes perverse pleasure—or so it seems to

the family—in portraying Amanda in the worst possible light.

On July 9 this year, Edda and Deanna visited the jail for Amanda's 23rd birthday. "We just sang 'Happy Birthday' and hugged," says Edda. "That's pretty much all the celebrating you can do." But according to some tabloids, Amanda lived it up, "feasting" on crab cakes.

What was the truth of that?

"Once in a while she gets a craving for her favourite food," explains Edda, "and this time she asked me if, for her birthday, I could find any crab— they can do rudimentary cooking in the cell and she had a craving to make crab cakes, one of her favourite things as a child. And that was an example of the media making one tiny thing sound like a big deal. She didn't even have all she needed to make crab cakes. She had a few pieces of crab and she mixed it with some lettuce and ended up having a crab salad.

"She was just trying to find one small thing to make her life not totally and completely devastating. It really bothers me when the media take that and make it sound like Amanda was feasting in there. She's in prison, the place is horrible, everything about it is horrible, and she's innocent, and it's really hurtful when they do that."

Prisoners in Italian jails are allowed to make just one phone call per week, and Amanda's regular call is to Edda. Family and friends gather at Edda's house in Seattle on Saturday morning for the chance of a word with their longlost friend at 9am sharp. Some of them stay over the previous night. "We hang out, we cook dinner, we work on jigsaw puzzles, waiting for Amanda's call the next day," Edda has said.

Sometimes not only Deanna but Amanda's two other younger sisters, Ashley and Delaney, come round to hear their sister's voice. "On Friday night I always sleep in Amanda's room, in her bed," explains Deanna. "It's a way to remind myself of her."

The call lasts a maximum of ten minutes, and the handset is passed around the table. As Curt points out, "You get to say something then it's time to move on and let someone else have a say. But it's great to hear her voice."

It's even harder during the face-toface meetings in jail: the meetings often end with Amanda in floods of tears, clinging to her parents. One time Curt had to hug her for 45 minutes while she cried. Edda remembers, "I think it was one of those days when Amanda was wondering, 'Why is this happening to me? I haven't done anything. I've told the truth.' And how do you explain that to her? That mistakes happen, and she's in the middle of this massive mistake, and that it will get fixed, and trying to make sure she knows that she will get out of there.

"She's just bearing it. She does have moments, we all do, when we are just completely brought down by her situation. But you pick yourself up every day, and that's the only choice you have."

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1882,

The Ashes cricket series is in full swing, and after their victory last year, the England team no doubt command the respect of their Australian opponents. But it wasn't always thus, as a quick flick through former Aussie captain Steve Waugh's autobiography confirms. Here's what you find under the index entry "English cricket":

Australian stranglehold begins: pp273-4; damned in the press: p114, p209, p609; caught between youth and experience: p3; fear of Australia: p599; lack of self-belief: p496; lack of total commitment: pp206-7; local negativity: p609; no fun: pp282-3; poor fielding: p496; weakness against leg spin: p49

EXTREME ANTAS

As if he didn't have enough to do already, Saint Nick just can't resist Wolkibg a bit more action into his busytcliellule—as our exclusive photo

The real Santa (second from the left) at Yomiuri Land theme park, near Tokyo, enjoyed his ride but said his sleigh goes much higher ... __ 4. ,..

SLAM DUNK

GERONIMO-HO-HO

A potentially nasty moment over the Kander Valley in Switzerland, when Rudolph suddenly bolted. "I had to have a few words with him about that," Santa confessed later

RED SEA

Santa (fourth row from the back, ninth in from the left) faces an identity crisis in Sydney, Australia, as1,800 turn up for a charity fun run

HAPPY FISHMAS

Underwater creatures like a bit of Christmas dinner, too. Santa feeds Kismet the green turtle at an aquatic park in Kuala Lumpur

JOLLYFUN

Santa tests out alternative flying methods while wakeboarding in Hamburg

RECLAIM YOUR ONLINE PRIVACY

Shopping online this

Christmas?

Just make sure you don't give away more than you bargained for

By Benjamin Cohen

You could argue that, in the age of Google and Facebook, privacy is an outdated concept. Millions of us readily share almost everything about our lives. We map out our social circle, upload scores of photos and update our Facebook statuses minute by minute.

Every website we visit, more often than not, is shared with Google. And as we trawl through the wider web, we're leaving footprints allowing our personal data to be collected by companies with which we've never agreed to share our life.

It is possible to reclaim your privacy, however, although it's not always obvious. Here's how.

Google The biggest company on the Internet,it's one of the most powerful businesses in the world. And for more than 90 per cent of us in the UK, it's the gateway to the web.

Just think about how often you use Google every day. Most people don't use web addresses any more, instead just typing the name of the site into Google. But every time you do that, it's being recorded— not just the keywords but every link you click, all built into a profile of your habits.

If you use their Chrome browser to surf the web, as millions do, you're potentially sharing even more. Every single letter you type into the address bar is beamed back to Google, although they pledge that

98 per cent of the data is destroyed and the two per cent that's stored is made anonymous within hours, used only to improve the service.

What they do store is details of the websites you've visited. They then link them to your personal identity if you have an account for any Google service, such as Gmail or YouTube —and this happens whenever you make a search using a Google service. Google use the data to learn more about you and make the advertising they sell on behalf of hundreds of thousands of websites more relevant.

But it's possible to take action. Google have a nifty feature called the Google Dashboard, where you can view all the data Google holds on you. It shocked me when I first saw it. It was a diary of every search I'd made and every website I'd visited over the past four years. I could see when I had been looking for a house and planning a trip to Australia, but also really personal searches about medical problems. Although it can be useful to find websites you've visited but forgotten the name of, you can delete individual entries or select an option to stop Google from collecting any more information on you.

Step by step

Complete the following steps if you have a Google account (you may have an account without realising it!):

1.Visit Google.com/dashboard.

2.Sign in using the details of a Google

accountyou have (such as iGoogle, Gmail or YouTube).

3.Dashboard lists all the Google services that storeyour data, from emails to search queries. Select the serviceyou wish to view.

4.Scroll down to "Web history" and click "Remove items or clear web history" (in a blue box).

5.You can delete individual entries by checking the box next to the entry and then clicking the "Remove" button at the top of the screen. Ifyou wish to delete your entire history, click on "Clear entire web history" at the top of the screen.

6.To stop Google collecting any more data and placing it into your account,you must first complete step 4 and then click the "Pause" link on the left of the page.

If you're not a Google account holder but want to delete information about searches you've made, follow these steps: 1.Search for anything on Google.co.uk.

2.On the top right of the results page, you'll see a "Web history" link. Click this.

3.Click "Disable customisations based on search activity".

Leirriamoviiimmilimierromi

(2)

FaCeb001In Britain, ,,, 26 million adults and five million under-18s use Facebook almost every day.That's half of everyone in the UK. If you don't, then a friend or relative probably does.

For those that use it, it's addictive and can become the primary means of communicating with your friends and family. But every time we log on, we're giving more and more of our personal data away, which Facebook uses to sell targeted ads. Few of us consider the implications.

Much of what we put on our Facebook page, from photos to status updates—short messages where we say whatever's on our mind— is published for the whole world to see (by default). Facebook is also hoovering up all the interactions you make on thousands of websites. Each time you click a Facebook button, it's added to your personal profile. Each time you chat to a friend on Facebook, that's added as well. Which friends appear on your home page is determined by analysing all the interactions you make on the platform. It means that Facebook has thousands of sets of data on each of us.

or realise the power they hand over when they hit the "Agree to terms and conditions" button. (When was the last time you read the terms and conditions for a web service?)

Following protests, Facebook have simplified the process to make your data more private. But they still assume that you wish your profile to be public. For instance, in September they launched Facebook Places, which allows you to "check in" to a particular location on your phone. This may be useful—for instance, you could discover that a friend is in the same restaurant as you. But it has privacy implications. By default, you're listed on the "Facebook Place" that you "check in" to, so you can look up a location and see everyone who's there, whether you're Facebook friends with them or not.

There are two things to consider when reclaiming privacy. One is to simply change your privacy settings (see overleaf) to limit who can view your information. But the other is

Until recently, Facebook's privacy policy had 50 different settings and 170 options—and the privacy policy itself, at 5,830 words, is longer than the US Constitution. It was hard for users to control exactly what they were making public. Few ever read the privacy policy Larrermrsiumir

a cultural change—it means thinking carefully about each piece of data you upload to Facebook. Do you really want the world to see that embarrassing photo? Could your status update backfire if your boss read it? Are you revealing that you're not at home and so effectively inviting burglars into your empty house? Or are your children posting photographs that might harm their future job prospects?

Step by step

1.Click on the Accounts option (top righthand side of every page).

2.Select "Privacy settings".

3.Facebook offers a number of choices. To be sure that onlyyour friends and family seeyour data, click on "Friends only", then the "Apply these settings" button.

4. Facebook have a "Recommended" option. But be warned before selecting it: this allows the whole world to see your status updates, photos and posts, along with a list of all your friends.

5.When it comes to Facebook Places, select "Customise settings" on the main privacy page.

6.Look for "Places I check in to". By selecting "customise", you can hide your location from certain people— or by selecting "specific people" from the list,you can type in the names of your close friends or family. Click "Save setting".

7.Back on the main privacy screen,you'll find "Include me in 'People here' ". By default, this allows anyone in the local area to see who else is there. If you don't want this, untick "Enable".

Retargeting

You visit a retailer's website and view an item such as a shirt, but you don't complete the transaction. If you look closely, chances are the next time you encounter an advert for that retailer you'll see that the product being promoted is that same shirt, inciting you to go back and complete the purchase.

So how does this work? Most websites, especially retailers, make use of "cookies", a small file placed on your computer to "anonymously" identify you. Essentially it's an identity badge that allows the retailer to record every product you look at.

Big retailers purchase millions of online advertisement spots every year, so whenever you encounter one it checks your computer for a cookie. If it manages to find one, the advert displays the most recent

Helping you protect your privacy online.

Most content on the Internet - from the latest political news to up•tothe-minute sports scores and stock quotes - is free to consumers. Why? Because of effective Internet advertising.

What makes Internet advertising effective Is the use of technologies that allow advertising networks, analytics firms, websites, and others to make inferences about consumer :asses and provide relevant content. Because of the seemingly complex nature of these technologies, many users have become concerned about their online privacy. Reiogn;ring these concerns, the NAI--an association of advertising

products that you viewed on the retailer's website.

At no point does the data link back to you as an individual—the retailer never knows your name and in fact can't distinguish between you and anyone else sharing your computer. This can actually be rather annoying, and I've had a lot of emails from people telling me how retargeting destroyed a surprise gift for a loved one!

Some consider retargeting to be one of the most sinister of all the privacy threats. No one asks your permission to collect the data—it just happens by default whenever you visit an online retailer using a retargeting system. You'll have no idea that it's occurring until you realise the advertisements you're bombarded with have become much more personalised. It was only after I was subjected to this type of advert for a week or so that I noticed a tiny "i" on the bottom of the advert. Clicking on it took me to a page hosted by Criteo, one of the largest practitioners of this technique. There I was given the opportunity to opt out from their clients collecting the data and there was a link to a system that prevents all of their rivals doing the same thing.

Step by step

1.Visit networkadvertising.org, the industry trade body's website.

2.Click on "Consumer opt out".

3.This will list all of the retargeting

networks that are storing your browsing history. Simply click the "Select all" button, then the "Select" button, which allows you to stop all 60 networks from storing data in one swoop.

I've not been trying to scare you, but the scale of data being recorded about all of us is staggering. In almost all cases, it's pretty benign— it's really about selling adverts or improving the service technology companies provide. However, you have to question how upfront the companies are. You'll struggle to find a website with a massive privacy warning to inform us what's going on.

Benjamin Cohen is technology correspondent for Channel 4 News. To link to his blog, go to readers digest.co.uk/links.

PINT AND A HIGH CHAIR

Our memories make us who we are. But what if it turned out that even our most vivid remembrances can't be trusted? By Mix Kirsta

THINK OF HOW YOU LEARNED ABOUT ANY SHOCKING WORLD EVENT. Who can forget where they were at the time of the London Underground suicide bombings, Princess Diana's death or the first moon landing? How many of you recall watching the TV in horror as two aeroplanes smashed into the World Trade Centre? Or the footage of an El Al jet crashing into an apartment block in Amsterdam in 1992? Our memories of those moments seem indelible: after all, we witnessed them with our own eyes.

Or did we? In a surprising number of cases, what people claim to remember about catastrophes such as 9/11 never actually happened.

Melanie Barnes, a New York gym instructor, remembers being transfixed by TV images of the first American Airlines jet ploughing into the

World Trade Centre as she got ready for work. "I'll never forget the horror; the plane just sliced into the north tower and exploded in flames and smoke," says Melanie. "My whole body froze. I had friends who worked there." But Melanie could never have seen that image. There was no live footage of the first jet crashing into the tower; the first live coverage was of the second attack. It was only later that day, after the attacks were over, that an amateur video of the first attack (filmed unintentionally by someone in mid-town Manhattan) was televised. Similarly, there was never any film coverage of the El Al Boeing 747 crashing into an Amsterdam apartment block: TV crews only arrived in time to record the raging fire and rescue operations.

RECENT RESEARCH HAS PRODUCED

INTRIGUING INSIGHTS into the tricks human memory plays. It seems that "false memories" of major events are commonplace.

When researcher Kathy Pezdek questioned New Yorkers about their 9/11 memories, 73 per cent of participants claimed—like Melanie Barnes—to have seen live TV images of the first plane crash in the morning. President Bush famously made the same claim. And when Hans Crombag, a Dutch law professor, interviewed people ten months after the El Al crash, 60 per cent reported seeing the tragedy live on TV;

9/11 :are our memories of it accurate? many gave detailed descriptions of the crash, which they couldn't have seen.

As a result of such studies, the theory that very vivid "flashbulb memories" of events work as factual records (much like a photograph or a video) has been largely debunked. Such memories in fact change with time. In January 1986, a day after the explosion of the Challenger space shuttle during take-off, 106 people answered a questionnaire about how and where they heard the news. Three years later, 44 of those respondents were contacted and asked identical questions. Twenty-five per cent were wrong on all the original questions—but they insisted their memories remained correct.

A more disturbing discovery is that we may have memories of personal incidents that never actually happened. Elizabeth Loftus, one of the world's leading memory researchers, has carried out many experiments proving how easily false childhood memories— including those of incest and sexual abuse—can be implanted into adults.

In one famous study, volunteers aged 18-53 were given booklets containing written accounts of true childhood memories, reported to the researchers by the volunteers' families. Among these incidents, researchers inserted a false episode about getting lost, aged five, in a shopping centre.

Did you really see footage of the Amsterdam apartment block targeted by an EL At jet?

TWENTY-NINE PER CENT OF PARTICIPANTS REMEMBERED THE FALSE EPISODE. In follow-up interviews they continued confidently to claim they had been lost in a shopping centre; some even spontaneously provided

extra details of their imagined ordeal. In a similar study involving college students, researcher Professor Ira Hyman, of Western Washington University, discovered that nonexistent events were more likely to be "recalled" at second and third interviews, after the students had had time to think about the alleged childhood incident. When Hyman first questioned students about spilling a bowl of punch over the parents of the bride at a wedding reception— something that didn't happen— none of them recalled it. Tested again days later, almost 25 per cent remembered the punchbowl episode—and some elaborated on the incident. As one student told researchers at the first interview: "I haven't a clue. I've never heard that one [the punchbowl accident] before." At the second interview she said: "It was an outdoor wedding. I think we were running around and knocked over

A more disturbing discovery is that we may have memnries of personal incidents that never actually happened

something like the punchbowl and made a big mess, and of course we got yelled at for it."

Also alarming is how easily false memories can be implanted through suggestive questions. In another classic experiment, Elizabeth Loftus showed people videos of traffic accidents, then asked them what they had seen. She found that the question "How fast were the cars going when they smashed into each other?" led to higher estimates of speed than if the more neutral "hit" or "bumped" were used.

The verb "smashed" also led more

surveys show that, in 20 per cent of cases, witnesses will select the wrong person in an identity parade," says Conway, "Many sources confirm that wrong identifications are a leading cause of false convictions."

The mistake, says Conway, is to assume that memories provide a precise record of reality: they do not. Rather, they're an interpretation of events, constructed from diverse sources including visual and other sensual information, as well as more general knowledge and past experience.

"Many different parts of the brain

Most judges, lawyers and police aren't in on the current research and don't realise that memory is a constant encoding process

people to falsely claim they had seen broken glass, although there was none. Even the question "Did you see the broken headlight?" prompted more respondents to claim, incorrectly, that they had, while saying "a broken headlight" produced a correct negative reply.

Such minor but significant errors have obvious implications for police and lawyers interviewing witnesses. Cognitive psychologist Professor Martin Conway, from Leeds University, recently carried out a report for the British Psychological Society and the Law Society on the defects of human memory in a legal context. "Several

are involved in forming memories. The brain edits the information we take in even before it's laid down as a memory, and there's more editing as the memory is formed," explains Conway. "Most judges, lawyers and police aren't up on the current research and don't realise that memory is a constant encoding process within the brain. We now know that similar parts of the brain become active whether someone is talking about a real, mistaken or made-up event."

HIS OBSERVATIONS ARE BACKED UP BY NEW ADVANCES in scanning technology, such as "functioning" MRI scans, which provide a window on

different workings of the brain. Recent experiments by Professor Kathleen McDermott at Washington University show that recalling a past occasion and imagining a future event spark similar brain activity

Until now, scientists believed that thinking about the future occurred only in the brain's frontal lobe. In fact, when it comes to imagining oneself in a specific future episode, neuro-imagery shows that the brain areas associated with remembering and those connected to forethought both light up. Researchers hope this discovery may aid research into Alzheimer's and other forms of amnesia, since in addition to having lost their memory, most amnesiacs cannot visualise what they'll be doing in the future.

We all know memory fades: constantly recalling experiences may cause us to invent incidents to fill in the gaps. But the most radical new discovery is that far from being "stored" in a stable form, almost all memory—especially if connected to strong emotion— undergoes constant, subtle changes over time.

It seems the very act of remembering causes memories to become temporarily flexible, leading to "re-storage" in a slightly revised form. This finding, by American and Canadian neuroscientists, could revolutionise the treatment of major panic and anxiety disorders, thanks to experiments that greatly reduce the distress associated with certain memories.

The method appears deceptively simple. A group of researchers at

TEST YOUR cp FALSE , MEMORY

Researchers Henry Roediger and Kathleen McDermott of Rice University, Texas, devised a series of memory tests for a paper published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.Here is one example— try it on friends and see how they score.

1.Read out 15 words, all related to one another. They are: candy, sour, sugar, bitter,good, taste, tooth, nice, honey, soda, cake, chocolate, eat, pie, heart.

2.Ask volunteers to try to recall as many words as possible and write them down.

3.Recognition test: ask them which of the following words, some related to the previous list, were included and how sure or not they are about this. The words are: 1.Taste.2.Point.3.Sweet.

4.Results. In previous experiments, many people were sure that "taste" was on the list—and it was. Many believed "point" was not on the list—and it wasn't. Many assumed "sweet" must have been on the list— but it wasn't.

In some people, the encoding of terrifying memories may not have happened, thus "wiping" the memory for ever

McGill University in Montreal asked patients with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—including war veterans and victims of rape—to talk about their worst experiences. As they talked, they were given harmless beta-blockers, normally used to treat high blood pressure. When the patients next recalled those experiences at a later date, they remained calm and relatively detached; their overwhelming panic had disappeared.

ALTHOUGH IT'S EARLY DAYS, SCIENTISTS HOPE SUCH RESEARCH may eventually help to treat PTSD as well as addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorders. The beta-blockers appear to target the amygdala, which regulates the influence of emotion on memory.

According to Dr Oliver Hardt, of McGill University, it's therefore possible to turn down the emotional content of a terrifying memory. Despite the spectre of mind control, Dr Hardt insists the goal is not to remove memories entirely. "The drug works by interrupting only the brain circuitry that connects memory to fear," he says. "You wouldn't want to erase someone's memory, even with PTSD. But you can reduce the part that's upsetting."

Could breakthroughs such as these eventually predict which victims of war and other traumatic events are likely to develop PTSD? Israeli and US psychiatrists recently followed the experiences of Israeli citizens who survived terrorist attacks, assessing their memories and health at regular intervals between seven and 120 days after the events. Although all the survivors had initial gaps in memory, those whose memories—gaps and all—remained unaltered over time did not develop PTSD.

One hypothesis is that the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for processing and storing memories, is very sensitive to stress hormones such as cortisol, which flood the body at moments of extreme danger and fear. In some people, the encoding of terrifying memories may not have happened, thus "wiping" the memory for ever.

For some, the cure for PTSD may lie in a reportedly effective technique called rapid eye movement desensitisation and reprogramming (EMDR), developed by US psychologist Francine Shapiro. EMDR is increasingly used by psychotherapists in the US, UK and throughout Europe. Patients ►

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who have experienced a traumatic episode are asked to talk about it to a therapist. While talking, their eyes remain on the therapist's hand, which moves repeatedly from left to right, often up to 70 or more times.

This method has proved so successful that in 2005, NICE (the body responsible for NHS treatment guidelines) recommended EMDR as one of two best treatments for PTSD. Experts believe that it generates the brain chemistry normally associated

with rapid eye movement sleep, which is when the brain processes information and experiences. After three to five sessions, many people's PTSD symptoms dramatically subside, as the traumatic memories are reprogrammed According to war veteran Rob, who suffers from PTSD, after undergoing two sessions: "The results have been startling. For the first time in 20 years, I slept through the night without a nightmare in eight out of 20 nights."

PICK A CARD, BUT NOT JUST ANY CARD

Planning a game of cards this Christmas? Then take a closer look at the deck. The value of vintage cards has been rising, thanks to the recession, so if you've got a complete set in top condition, you could have a winner on your hands...

A limited-edition pack marking the 1983 UK elections, costing £9.99, would now fetch upwards of £60.

A Wizard of Oz deck, published to tie in with the 1940 film, is worth around £100.

A Queen Victoria souvenir deck, commemorating her 1897 diamond jubilee, could earn you £150. But a Dixieland pack from the same year, issued in the US, would fetch £250-£300.

A pack published in 1863 marking the marriage of the Prince of Wales (later King Edward VII) to Princess Alexandra of Denmark is now worth around £300-£500.

In general, complete decks from the late 17th and early 18th century sett for between £3,000 and £10,000—for example, a 17th-century English Popish Plot pack (pictured) would fetch anything up to £5,000 today—while a good deck from 1820 to 1880 could fetch around £300.

But if you find a rare Renaissance deck in the attic, you've really hit the jackpot— they're snapped up by museums for as much as £93,000!!

THE NEXT SALE OF CHESS SETS, GAMES AND PLAYING CARDS TAKES PLACE ON JANUARY 17, o 2011, AT BONHAMS. SEE READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/LINKS FOR DETAILS.

When the cameras stop

ro[Ling

Cin a reality show ever be the same again?

Can life after appearing

Television is a hungry beast at the best of times—and when it comes to humaninterest stories, reality television is the most ravenous of all.

Every day, TV production companies put out fresh calls for members of the public who feel they have something to offer, be it a problem to share, a peculiarity to display, a lifestyle to swap, or a fortune to give away.

For some participants, the experience ends unhappily: the reality TV machine extracts what it wants and spits them out at the end. For others, their foray into the field of 15-minute fame bears tangible fruit—while not always leading to more TV appearances, it does set them on new, and often more fulfilling, paths.

So what's it like to find yourself caught in the reality TV lair? We asked those who've been involved on both sides of the camera.

By Christopher Middleton

THE STAR

Lyn Hymers from The1940s House (2000)

Along with her husband, daughter and two grandsons,Yorkshire mum Lyn Hymers lived for nine weeks in a recreated-for-TV version of the Blitz —complete with food shortages and simulated air raids. To this day, she can't decide whether the experience was positive or negative.

The good thing is that I felt really at home in the 1940s," says Lyn. "I loved havingto make-do-and-mend and the ■

Lyn Hymers settles into her 1940s persona; (inset) in more conventional garb

feeling of family closeness in the face of adversity. The bad thing is that I now feel alienated from modern-day society; when I go to the pub with my contemporaries, I sit there feeling so isolated from them."

The way she's coped is to spend as much time as possible in 1940s mode. To this end, she and husband Michael have bought a remote beach but on the Yorkshire coast.

"We call it our '1940s Hut'—but it's actually more 1920s," laughs Lyn. "It's got a tin bath and no TV.

"I also correspond with people who saw the programme. I know it sounds strange, as I'm 60 and the people who write are in their eighties, but they see me as their mother, because on TV I looked like their mums did.

"Sadly, though, a lot of them are now passing away, which makes me feel as if I'll soon be the only person left who lived through the Second World War!"

As well as maintaining her Blitz-era correspondence, Lyn pays frequent visits to the Imperial War Museum in London, where a mock-up of The 1940s House is on show.

"Sometimes, if there aren't many people around, the staff let me through the red rope and inside the house," says Lyn. "It brings it all back, of course."

Ironically, Lyn only went on the show because her husband was a 1940s fanatic. And that no longer applies. "Being on the programme seems to have got it out of Michael's system," she says. "He's even sold our 1949 Ford Prefect.

"For the first fewyears after coming out of the house, I felt privileged to have taken part. Recently, though, I've been questioning whether or not it's had a good effect on me."

THE HERO

Tony Banks from The Secret Millionaire (200 ,

When the ex-Falklands paratrooper(now multimillionaire care homes owner) went lookingfor worthy causes to fund in Liverpool, he found himself in a war situation.

"Once theygot wind of a camera crew in the area, the local druggies immediately started trying to steal our film equipment," says Tony. "Next thing we knew, we had kids stoning us and setting light to cars and derelict houses. It was like Beirut.

"Personally, I was all for beatingthe**** out of them, but after three nights the producer pulled us out of the area—not just for our safety, but for the good of the project. All this aggravation was getting in the way of what I was there for."

A memorable experience,then—but not in the way he'd expected. "You go into the whole thing blind, really. You've got no idea what they're goingto put in the film. You don't even know where they're going to send you. In my case, I was given a set of dates on which I had to be available for filming; theytold me to meet them in Manchester and seven minutes later I was on a train to Liverpool." It was also made clear to Tony that he was expected to give away a minimum of £40,000. In the end, he gave away £130,000— and formed a lasting link with the charity Combat Stress, set up to help Forces personnel overcome traumatic memories.

"I met ayoung ex-soldier in Liverpool. He told me that his mother had said she sent a boy off to war and got a monster back. He also told me—though you didn't see it on camera —that he'd tried to commit suicide. And that struck a big chord with me, because my own brother killed himself."

As well as becoming an active supporter of Combat Stress, Tony has now made two films relating to his own wartime experiences. The first was an emotional return to the Falklands with former comrades; the second was a quest to find the Argentinian soldier who, on surrendering, had handed his treasured

trumpet over to Tony to keep safe.

"Since being onThe Secret Millionaire,I've been approached for donations by lots of other charities. The thing is,you have to plant your flag in the ground and say, 'I know there are lots of worthy causes, but I'm sticking to the ones that are closest to my heart.'

"I have to say, I'm glad I went onThe Secret Millionaire—though I was nervous about sticking my head over the parapet, so to speak. In the end, it not only helped me do some good for other people, it also helped me face up to my own war memories— something I should have done a longtime ago."

THE PRESENTER

PhilSpencer

from Location, Location, Location

After ten years of finding houses for people on national TV,you might think Phil Spencer would be getting blasé. But not a bit of it.

"The great thing about this job is that I'm afforded incredible access into people's families and relationships. Basically, it's only by getting inside the heads of our househunters that we can find the propertythat's right for them.

"I never forget how hard it must be for people to invite a ten-strong TV crew to follow them through what's often a quite traumatic period—and then have the results shown to four million people. That's often brought home when we do the follow-up visits months later and find our former house-hunters have put up framed pictures of the filming. This isn't just entertainment to them; it's real life, and it leaves a mark.

"It's quite common for us to keep in touch with people who've been on the programme, and certainly to be invited to their housewarming parties. The other day, for example, Kirstie and I and our families were taken on a behindthe-scenes tour of the Tower of London, by a beefeater we'd found a home for."

Phil is adamant that the team doesn't take any reality TV shortcuts. "People often ask me whether, when I get an important phone call on the programme, I'm just pretending it's from the estate

"The question I'm asked most frequently in the street is, `Where's Kirstie?'

THE RESEARCHER

Aidan Hansel' from Wail to Wall

"Most people are savvy enough to know that both good and bad things can come out of appearing on a reality TV programme," says Aidan, who worked on the first two Big Brother series (pictured).

"Before people go on a show, we actually give them what we call the "Talk of Doom", in which we list 20 possibly unwelcome side effects, such as: pressures of fame; intense interest from the tabloids; or people from your past

coming forward offering dirt to dish up."

That said, though, the programme-makers don't go too far to discourage their charges.

"If you're on a reality show, the producer is looking for you to deliver whatever it is you've been hired for—knowledge, charm, entertainment value, whatever.

"From the television researcher's point of view, the art is to get people to talk about difficult situations in their lives, at a time when

agent or solicitor, but it's all genuine. It's our job to find our house-hunters a home —however long it takes.

"The thing is, Kirstie and I were both working in this field before the programme came along [Phil ran a company called Garrington Home Finders; Kirstie was part of a two-woman firm called Kirmir Property Search]. We find people houses because we love doing it, not because we wanted to be on television.

"Over the years, the producers have included more of the backchat between Kirstie and me, but I think that's only been possible because in the earlyyears we established the show's credentials. She

their feelings are at their rawest and nearest the surface. That takes a particular kind of skill and sensitivity.

"The most effective line to take is to say to the person that this is their chance to put their side of the story. Once you can convince them of that, they stop being defensive or seeingyou as someone trying to take advantage, and they start to see it as an opportunity to talk about themselves. Which, fundamentally, most people like doing."

and I are very aware, too, that we're better together than apart.

"Kirstie is more of a whirlwind, more of an entertainer—while I'm more of a guider and nurturer, allowing people to reach their own conclusions at their own speed. The question I'm asked most frequently in the street is, 'Where's Kirstie?' and the question she's asked most frequently is, `Where's Phil?'"

Not far away, is goingto be the answer for quite a while to come. Phil and Kirstie have recently set up their own production company, Raise The Roof, and are currently making series of holiday programmes, plusKirstie and Phil's Perfect Christmas for Channel 4.

The nation collectively covered its eyes as Maureen kept bashing away at her driving test —finally passing on the eighth attempt. Her efforts secured her not just a place in the nation's hearts, but also numerous TV guest appearances, roles in adverts for firms such as Ford, Nissan and Unipart, and the chance to record a Christmas single called "Driving in My Car", which got to No 50 in the charts. She was even flown over to the US first class to appear on the Jay Leno show—alongsideBasic Instinct actress Sharon Stone—and got to drive her stretch limo up Hollywood

Boulevard en route to the studio. Not that her celebrity life was all a bed of roses.

"One day, I got a call from Maureen—she was in tears over a letter she'd been sent," recalls Dave Warwick, her former agent. "Someone had written to her calling her a fat old cow and saying they hoped her stomach cancer came back and killed her.

"She was terribly upset, so I took her down to the local market, where she was able to feel the warmth of the general public towards her. People really loved Maureen because, basically, she was just like them."

Just before she retired from the showbiz spotlight,

Maureen said the best part of her TV fame was getting letters from other learner drivers who'd been inspired by her determination to pass the test.

The worst part was having to give up her cleaning job at Cardiff Central Police Station (start time 2.45am).

"They were very nice about it at the police station," she recalled. "They said that too many people were ringing up just to talk to me, and it was jammingthe switchboard when other more important calls might be coming in. Of course I understood, but it was quite sad to have to go."

THE STAR

Kevan Collins, from Undercover Boss(2010)

Far from leaping at the prospect of appearing on TV, Tower Hamlets Council chief executive Collins had misgivings.

"I was concerned that the programmemakers would sensationalise things," he says. "We had lots of

discussions beforehand, and although we entered into a legal agreement regarding the overall nature of the programme, ultimate editorial control remained with the film company—not us. Which we had to accept, otherwise the programme would have just ended up as a council promotional video."

Posing as a trainee learning the ropes, council boss Collins (who has 10,000 employees and a£1 billion annual

"Particularly when someone got fined by our antisocial enforcement team just for dropping a cigarette end down a drain. We had to ask ourselves, was that really the kind of relationship we wanted with our public?

"To be fair, we were invited to view the programme before it went out. If we'd had massive concerns, we could have got the lawyers involved.

"Overall, though, I think the programme not only highlights the dedication of our

THE STAR Ray Brown, from The Clampers (1998)

The gimlet-eyed traffic warden went from being a No 1 hate figure to a role in a James Bond film. He appears in the opening sequence of The World Is Not Enough, which features a power-boat chase down the Thames. The pursuit takes the boats close to a stretch of riverside street in which Ray is issuing a ticket to a car, when a sudden swerve from one of the boats drenches our hapless warden. And they'd told him he'd only get slightly wet!

turnover) went out on attachment with a variety of frontline officers, working in pest control, meals on wheels, homelessness and antisocial behaviour. In line with advice from the producers, he assumed the alias of Colin, on the grounds that it was so similar to his own surname it would reduce the chances of him blowing his cover.

So how fair a portrayal was the finished programme? "There were some challenging moments," he admits.

staff, but demonstrates the value of frontline council services—at atime when everyone is talking about cuttingthem."

And what would be his advice for any other employer contemplating a spell as an undercover boss? "Make sure the programme-makers put you in touch with other people who've done it before —I spoke to a guy in Ireland who was managing director of a building company and was incredibly enthusiastic about the whole process. That put my mind at rest—partially!" ■

Roger Highfield salutes the forgotten heroes of the festive season: the scientists who made it all possible

Dreaming of a white-coat Christmas

hen scientists look at the trappings of Christmas, they feel more than just a seasonal glow. Many also feel a tingle of curiosity, an intellectual ' itch that simply has to be scratched. -4

Why do we celebrate at this particu)1 lar time of year? When will it snow? Why do we give presents to each other? And how does Santa deliver all of his in a single night?

To answer these questions, scientists have plundered the climate record to predict white Christmases far into the future. They've studied human behaviour. They've performed complex calculations.

ILLUSTRATED BY JOHN CUNEO

And yet, for all their efforts, few people realise what a central role science has played in making our Christmases the way they are today.

A fascinating glimpse into some of the earliest researchto shape the festivities can be found in the archives of the Royal Society, the world's oldest science academy.

The society has been celebrating its 350th anniversary this year—among other things, by showcasing online* a selection from the more than 60,000 articles it's published since the 1660s.

But not included in this treasure trove, sad to say, is a letter from 1749 about the plans for a pioneering turkeyroasting experiment.

The letter was written by Benjamin Franklin, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, who outlines the first practical use he made of electricity, "somewhat humorously in a party of pleasure on the banks of the Schuylkill [a river in Pennsylvania]".

Franklin describes how "a turkey is to be killed for our dinners by the electrical shock; and roasted by the electrical jack, before a fire kindled by the electrified bottle; when the healths of all the famous electricians in England, France and Germany are to be drank in electrified bumpers [tumblers], under the discharge of guns from the electrical battery".

Keith Moore, the Royal Society librarian, explains: "The electric jack would turn a spit over a conventional fire, most likely. The tumblers were wired up to give a champagne 'tingle' when drinking."

In February 1750, Franklin sent a followup letter, revealing that his electrified party had had mixed results. It had taken some time to figure out how to deliver

a shock big enough to kill a turkey— although he did add that "birds kill'd in this manner eat uncommonly tender".

These electrical turkey roasts were risky. Franklin wrote to his brother John on Christmas Day in 1750, telling him how he gave himself an electric shock: "I then felt what I know not well how to describe; a universal blow throughout my whole body from head to foot, which seemed within as well as without; after which the first thing I took notice of was a violent quick shaking of my body, which gradually remitting, my senses as gradually returned."

eanwhile, back in the 17th century, a massive contribution to Christmas had been made by a fellow of the Royal Society called Christopher Merrett. On December 17,1662, he presented to the society "Some observations concerning the ordering of wynes", in which he described winemakers adding sugar and molasses to make the wines clearer and less sour. As a bonus, they fizzed, too— making this the first description of how to create sparkling wine. We also know Merrett enjoyed the results, because of an entry in Samuel Pepys's diary about the first Royal Society meeting after the plague. "Poor Dr Merriot [sic]," writes Pepys, "was drunk."

And if you overindulge in champagne, you can also thank the Society when you reach for a pill the morning after. In 1763, Edward Stone, an English vicar, produced a paper entitled "An Account of the Success of the Bark of the Willow in the Cure of Agues" (which is online). This was the beginning of research into salicylic acid, the active material in willow bark later modified and sold as aspirin.

Around 1847, another important element of Christmas was added by a scientifically minded baker. Concerned by the slump in sales of his bonbons, which he sold in a twist of paper (the origin of the sweet wrapper), Thomas Smith of London searched for a new gimmick. First, he added mottos, then trinkets, but with only limited impact on sales.

Then, when he heard the crackle of a log on a fire, he was inspired. Smith added a layer of saltpetre to two strips of card. As the cards were pulled away from each other, the friction created a crack similar to that used in a cap gun. So when you next groan at a cracker joke, think of Thomas Smith.

Christmas continues to intrigue scientists today. One baffling aspect— to evolutionary biologists at least—is the ritual of gift-giving. At first glance, the universal idea of survival of the fittest should have put paid to presents, since the last thing any competitive creature will do is waste its valuable resources on another. Yet we're often charitable and give to people who are unrelated to us, or whom we do not

NEXT TIME YOU GIVE A PRESENT, TELL

YOURSELF YOU'RE

ENGAGING

IN "UPSTREAM RECIPROCITY"

even know, particularly at Christmas. The reason for all this goodwill is spelled out in a mathematical analysis by Professor Martin Nowak of Harvard University and Sebastien Roch of the University of California, Berkeley. They have discovered what they call "upstream reciprocity". Nowak explains: "If someone is nice to you, you feel good and may be inclined to be nice to somebody else. This everyday experience is borne out by experimental games: the recipients of an act of kindness are more inclined to help in turn, even if the person who benefits from their generosity is somebody else."

ne person alone is upstream of this orgy of gift-giving. From what we see on our Christmas cards, Santa's seasonal quest looks so effortless. Apart from the odd slipup with drunken reindeer, narrow chimneys and blizzards, he manages to deliver millions of presents on Christmas Eve, maintaining his smile

and composure all the while. His support team: a few reindeer and a handful of diligent elves.

I beg to differ. Only an innocent child would swallow this propaganda, a fantasy peddled by generations of Christmas cards to divert attention away from what is the most spectacular research and development outfit this planet has ever seen, presumably located somewhere in the North Pole.

When I examined this problem a few years ago, I concluded that Santa had to reach speeds of around 6,395 times the speed of sound—or Mach 6,395— to deliver all his presents on Christmas Eve. How does he manage this?

The Mexican physicist Miguel Alcubierre proposed a warp drive that would be up to the job. The mathematician Ian Stewart at Warwick University suggested Santa can cut and paste different bits of the universe together, using the space-time shortcuts known as wormholes. In Stewart's explanation, Mr Claus can carry one end of a wormhole on his vehicle and arrange for the other to materialise inside each dwelling that he visits. No more sooty chimneys and no trouble getting stuck inside central-heating systems. The wormhole idea can also allow time travel, providing all the time in the world to deliver those presents.

But the possibilities are by no means exhausted. Another is for Santa to use a transporter of the kind deployed by Captain Kirk in Star Trek. Although this sounds far-fetched, there's been much progress in the field since the first full demonstration of quantum teleportation, a real-world version of Star Trek technology dreamed up by Charles Bennett ofIBM, among others.

So, on Christmas Eve, our favourite bearer of gifts perhaps doesn't tell Rudolph and the reindeer to "Dash

EWS REPORT: TACKLING THE SEX TRADE

Human trafficking is a blight on society—but could the hardline stance taken in Scandinavia on prostitution provide a roadmap to ending this horrific practice?

away! Dash away! Dash away all!", as in the famous poem by Clement Clarke Moore. Instead, he may implore them to beam him down to the hearth of every home. It's simple, really.

>> Roger Highfield is the editor of New Scientist and author of CanReindeer Fly? The Science of Christmas.

His latest book, SuperCooperators: Why We Need Each Other to Succeed, with Professor Martin Nowak, will be published in March.

Sweden has greatly reduced the trafficking of young women since it became the first country to make the purchase of sexual services illegal in 1999. In its view, the best way to disrupt the market is to target the clients, not the girls. By September 2008 over 1,700 men had been arrested and more than 600 fined up to €7,300.

Although prostitution remains legal, one estimate says that the number of women brought in each year is down to between 400 and 600. By contrast, the number in Finland, a far smaller country, is between 10,000 and 15,000.

"One can't evaluate the law by just counting convictions," says Kajsa Wahlberg, national rapporteur on human trafficking. "We've wire-tapped conversations between members of organised crime networks [and] they see Sweden as bad for these activities."

Iceland and Norway followed Sweden's model last year. And since Norway tightened its legislation, sex workers from Brazil and Nigeria have moved to neighbouring Finland. Its law says it's illegal to buy sex from a victim of human trafficking but "we're unable to enforce it", says Seppo Sillanpaa of Helsinki Police. "We need either complete prohibition or complete Legalisation."

The charity Crisis is well-known for helping the homeless at Christmas. But, as Adam Howden has found out, its work goes on all year round. Here, he tells the story of how his life fell apart— and how despair has now given way to hope

When there's nowhere left to turn

When I was young I lived with my grandmother in Crieff, Perthshire. She ran a small pottery shop and, as a teenager, I made little ceramic animals at the weekend. They sold well, so I wasn't short of pocket money. My father, an alcoholic, had never been part of my life, and my mother was dead. At school, I was generally thought of as bright, but, like a lot of youngsters, I never felt I fitted in anywhere. I always felt nervous in social situations. Then one day, when I was 15, an older friend, Pete, took me and a schoolfriend around the Highlands in his red pick-up truck—we'd bunked off school to go. Pete ►

Adam, now 48, at St Margaret's Loch in Edinburgh: "I'm feeling better than I have in decades"

was playing Pink Floyd as he pulled over into a spot overlooking a loch.

Pete smoked, so I wasn't surprised when he brought out a tin of tobacco and skins. But next he produced a brown lump the size of an Oxo cube. He heated a corner with the flame from his lighter and crumbled it between his thumb and finger. Small brown lumps were sprinkled over the bed of tobacco. Then, gently, he pinched, rolled and lifted the cigarette to his lips.

It was passed to my friend first, and then to me. "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" was playing. I'd listened to it more than 100 times before, but now it was as if I was hearing it for the first time—and all around me. Looking out at the loch I could see the colours were unusually bright and vivid. It was like seeing and hearing everything fresh.

I soon realised that hash was readily available. On the school bus I'd get passed small packets wrapped in cellophane. And with the packets came the social acceptance I'd craved. The more I smoked, the more it seemed right—and the more accepted I was.

I remember how funny one French exam seemed: this blank piece of paper in front of me. I was good at French, but this paper was so white and so blank, and the more I looked, the blanker it became. That seemed really funny. A smile turned into a giggle, and then into hysterics. I was asked to leave.

Not long afterwards I was with my gran at home. She'd had a few sherries and seemed upset. "There's something I need to tell you," she said. And then it all came out. All my life I'd been told

Looking forward to his third drug-free Christmas: Adam and his dog Gerry

that when I was a baby my mother had died in a motorbike accident. Now my gran confessed that this was a lie. My mum had committed suicide. I'd always known about my father, but this new information hit me hard. It frightened me.

At 16 I left school and started work in a series of dead-end jobs—gardener, hotel porter, swimming-pool attendant. After turning 18, I was invited by a friend to help with his family business, stripping pine. We'd spend day after day in his yard scrubbing paint with caustic soda.

The business was strong—so good, in fact, that the boss put me in charge while he travelled overseas to expand the operation. I was a hard worker, but I soon felt overwhelmed by the responsibility. I went out and bought

As soon as I was better, I'd forget how bad my life had been and slip back. I became what's called a "habitual relapser"

some hash, and I mentioned to the dealer that I'd have to work for the next 20 hours solid to get an order finished. He produced some pills. "These," he said, "will sort you out."

Speed made me feel not only that I had more energy, but also that I was supremely confident. I was happy and upbeat. It felt like I'd swallowed a vitamin my body had been missing. It completed me. After six hours I needed to top up, then the work was finished. I was ecstatic, but I needed more.

I moved to Edinburgh in the early1980s, and began working freelance, restoring furniture in antiques shops and for private customers. This became a successful business, but I worked incredibly long hours and increasingly used alcohol and drugs to keep me going: to make me feel normal and able

to face the world. For the next ten years I was functioning, but only just. It seemed that, as long as I turned up and the work got done, nobody minded. From time to time, I did try to change. I went through a string of support groups, and once managed to stay clean for nine months. But as soon as I was better, I'd forget how bad my life had been and slip back. I became what's called a "habitual relapser".

Another step downwards came when I went to a party with friends and there was a large table covered with lines of speed. That night, when I snorted speed for the first time, it was like being hugged by a warm, comfortable cloud. "Adam," a voice said. "You've got blood coming out of your nose." I wiped it with my shirt cuff. I didn't care.

Eventually, I became too unreliable for people to use for work. By then, I ►

had a girlfriend, a daughter and twin boys—but that relationship fell apart, too. And so in 2000, at the age of 38, I became homeless.

Fora while I "sofa-surfed", staying with friends until there were no favours left to ask, no goodwill to call on. I began sleeping in sheds, abandoned caravans and shop doorways. If I got any work restoring antiques I'd ask to sleep on the shop floor, and all the money would go on drugs.

By 2005 my health was suffering badly, and in 2007 I collapsed in the street. Flashing blue lights took me to a building where a white coat said words like "liver inflammation", "pancreatitis" and "peritonitis". The words washed over me. So the white coat drove it home: "Six weeks—eight if you're lucky" I had hit rock bottom.

A nurse told me about LEAP (Lothian and Edinburgh Abstinence Programme). Her timing was immaculate—I swear she was a guardian angel sent to help me. After three months I was clean, but without the drugs I felt hollow, worthless and depressed. Giving up is almost the easy bit. Going back to real life is tough. The smallest action became a great effort. It sounds silly, but in those early days just catching a bus was a huge achievement.

An organisation called Transition

helped me fill the daily emptiness: I took courses in everything from computer skills to driving a forklift truck. Having the incentive and structure made a huge difference. I had goali to work towards and that motivated me.

Boosted by all of this, I applied to Crisis, the homelessness charity, for a bursary and was awarded £2,000 through the Crisis Changing Lives national grant scheme to buy new tools for furniture restoration. I now work up to four days a week and I love it. I could work full-time, but I'm back in touch with my children and I want to spend time with them doing all the things I never did in the past. My sons are now 16, my daughter is 21, and they seem to understand that I wasn't a bad person, just a sick person. I appreciate how lucky I am that they've accepted me back so easily.

I'm now 48 and this will be my third drug- and alcohol-free Christmas. I'm feeling better than I have in decades. I've got a roof over my head and a new girlfriend. I'm taking one day at a time and it's going well. I feel comfortable in my own skin.

As told to Nick Morgan

>> For more information on Crisis Changing Lives, supported by Barclays, or if you would like to donate, go to readersdigest.co.uk/links.

'*IOT LIVING TOGETHER IN PERFECT HARMONY

I used to drive past a business with a sign out front that read: "Carnivorous plants and butterfly farm." But there's clearly been some trouble. Last time I passed by, it simply stated: "Carnivorous plants." Submitted by Lawrence Renn

They've been the top treatment for heart disease for over a decade—but are statins now on their way out? Jerome Burne reveals the new kids on the drugs block

AFTER STATINS

While we were all nudging up our risk of heart disease last Christmas—extra-large intakes of refined carbs and junk TV—a straw in the wind was floating by, almost unnoticed, that signalled a change in the way heart disease will be prevented in the near future. Cholesterol-lowering statin drugs are on their way out.

Statins have been a mainstay of the government's campaign to cut heart disease for more than ten years. Doctors are paid to prescribe them and the NHS spends over half a billion pounds a year on prescriptions for them in England alone.

If you're male and over 55, your doctor may well have advised you to take statins as a precaution. And while they won't vanish entirely, in a few years' time they will no

longer be centre stage in the battle to protect our hearts.

The significance of the Christmas "straw in the wind" wasn't immediately obvious. It was a report confirming raised levels of a molecule called lipoprotein(a)—or Lp(a)—as a risk factor for heart disease. So what?

A couple of facts make this more interesting than it sounds. The first is that it's a reminder that cholesterol levels aren't the only biomarker for heart disease. During statins' dominance, other markers got overlooked. That's going to change.

The second is that statins have no effect on levels of Lp(a), but vitamin B and omega 3 fish oil do. Statins' market dominance has created an assumption that they can take care of all the factors behind your raised risk—get statins, plus a few lifestyle changes, and your risk of heart disease is sorted. This is an illusion.

"We're moving into a post-statin era," says Professor Jean-Charles Fruchart, cardiologist at the University of Lille and president of a new European educational foundation called R3i. 'We can't continue to think of them as the silver bullet against heart disease. They are no longer enough. We need to be treating more factors."

To illustrate why doctors' approach needs to widen, he asks: "Suppose you've reduced your cholesterol to a healthy level by taking a statin—how much has your risk of having a heart attack dropped?" The surprising answer is only around 25 per cent. "That still leaves 75 per cent of your risk untreated,"

"Suppose you've reduced your cholesterol to a healthy level by taking a statin; how much has your risk of having a heart attack dropped?"

The surprising answer is only around 25 per cent

Professor JeanCharles Fruchart, University of Lille

says Fruchart. "It's this that we need to find ways of tackling."

The need for a wider range of options for cutting heart-disease risk also showed up in a big analysis of statin trials involving over 65,000 people earlier this year. It found that if you were one of 10,000 people without heart disease but with a raised risk, and you were taking statins, just seven of you would avoid dying from any cause (including heart disease) over nearly four years.

"The number of deaths prevented didn't reach statistical significance," said lead researcher Professor Kausik Ray of St George's Hospital in south London. "It could have occurred by chance."

But there's another, more commercial, reason why statins will soon be leaving the limelight. By 2012, all statin drugs will be off patent—that means their price will fall dramatically, so the drug companies have a strong incentive to find new targets.

Farewell statins,

So what kind of new treatments might we be seeing? The surprising candidates include several vitamins, a supplement, a hormone, and an old drug called fenofibrate that's been around for over 70 years.

The B vitamin niacin and omega 3 fatty acids are two treatments (backed up by good evidence) for two cardiovascular risk factors that we're going to be hearing a lot more about: raised

triglycerides (fatty acids in the bloodstream) and low levels of the "good" cholesterol HDL. Statins have little effect on either of them.

"Your doctor will probably suggest you improve them with diet and exercise," says Professor Frank Sacks, professor of cardiovascular disease prevention at the Harvard School of Public Health and vice president of R3i. "But few people can stick to that, so we need additional therapies."

Triglycerides are an essential part of the body's energy system, transporting and storing fatty acids. High levels are linked with heart problems. HDL is thought to take "bad" cholesterol out of the arteries and back to the liver, which is why it's known as "good" cholesterol. Higher HDL levels are associated with a reduced risk of heart disease and other blood-vessel problems.

"About half the people who come into hospital with a heart attack have high levels of "bad" cholesterol LDL [which can lead to build-up], so statins are obviously not enough," says Sacks. "Recently, I looked at heart patients in a Boston hospital who had normal cholesterol; I found their risk of another attack varied by as much as ten times depending on whether they were in the group with the lowest HDL plus the highest triglycerides, or in the group with the lowest triglycerides and the highest HDL." Other studies have found similar links.

Fenofibrate is back in the picture because, although it's not as effective at treating LDL cholesterol as statins (which is why it fell out of favour), it is

much better at raising HDL and lowering triglycerides. Researchers have been adding it to statins to see if it brings down patients' risk of heart disease.

A big trial this year found that if you didn't have high levels of both LDL and triglycerides, adding fenofibrate made no difference. But if you did have this dangerous combination (meaning your risk of heart attack went up by 70 per cent) the drug plus a statin will decrease this risk by 30 per cent.

Niacin, along with some other new drugs in the pipeline, can also be used to treat high levels of Lp(a).

"The increased risk from high levels of Lp(a) is only about a quarter of the risk from LDL," says Dr Robert Clarke of the Clinical Trial Service Unit at Oxford, who did the research. "But the hope is that by targeting both we'll be able to reduce people's risk even further."

It's early days for treating Lp(a): trials to show that lowering it makes a difference haven't been done yet, and you can't test for it on the NHS, but some doctors do treat it with niacin.

"Niacin is a fantastic all-round treatment for protecting hearts," says Dr Sarah Jarvis, Fellow of the Royal College of GPs. "It brings down both LDL and Lp(a), and it also pushes up HDLbut most patients can't tolerate it because it makes you flush very strongly. I get few repeat prescriptions with niacin."

But a new version, Tredaptive, is now available*. It has an added ingredient that blocks the chemical in niacin that normally causes flushing.

"Niacin is a fantastic all-round treatment for protecting hearts.Most patients can't tolerate it because it makes you flush very strongly." But a new version, Tredaptive, is now available

Dr Sarah Jarvis, Fellow of the Royal College of GPs

So what other targets might we soon be hearing about? All the focus on statins and cholesterol has obscured the fact that there's a lot we still don't know about the cause of heart disease. This was one of the implications of Professor Ray's study.

"We need to get better at predicting who's going to benefit from statins," he says. "The data clearly states that statins can save lives, but the risk factors we're using at the moment aren't precise enough. About 60 per cent of cardiovascular events happen in people whose risk factors are intermediate to low."

It's early days yet, but one of these hidden causes in older men could be very low levels of testosterone. Normally your GP will only test for this if you complain of impotence. But a Gloucester GP with an interest in sexual medicine has found that prescribing testosterone can lead to a drop in the risk of heart disease.

SnapSchott

"What's generally ignored is that men with low testosterone suffer from many of the same symptoms as people with a raised risk of heart disease," says Dr David Edwards.

"Both types of patient tend to be overweight, have raised blood sugar levels and increased levels of fat in the blood. They also both often suffer from fatigue. When my impotent patients have testosterone replacement, these symptoms improve."

And there's research to back this up. A study in July this year of 800 men followed for 20 years by the University of California, San Diego, found that those with the lowest levels of testosterone were 40 per cent more likely to die from heart disease (and other causes).

But whether it's testosterone, fenofibrate or another new drug, one thing's for sure—you'll be seeing a lot less of statins next year.

Fire! Fire! by

Ben Schott

COLLARS AND HIJABS

Heard the one about the vicar and the Muslim education officer—and how they've been turning religious rivals into friends, first in Blackburn and now across Britain ?

By Nick Ryan

ANTONIO OLMOS

Bridging the divide: Anjum Anwar with Chris

Young faces gathered from across the estates of Blackburn, Lancashire, gazed expectantly at the woman dressed in a hijab headcovering, who was standing on the stage in front of their teachers.

Anjum Anwar had come to speak to 350 11- to 16-year-olds at the Church of England secondary school in September 2005, as part of her to

Chivers John Keble Chu in Mill Hilt, Lon

Understanding Islam project. As the education officer of the Lancashire Council of Mosques, she had devised the talks to teach schoolchildren what modern Muslims are really like.

Just as she was about to speak, a white boy, smaller than the rest, stood up and hesitantly raised his hand.

"Yes?" smiled Anjum, a Pakistaniborn Muslim who had lived in the area for 40 years.

"Miss, are you...are you related to Osama bin Laden?" he blurted out.

Without batting an eyelid, Anjum replied, "Why, yes darling, I am."

"You could almost hear the teachers think, Oh no!" she chuckles now "But I took a deep breath and explained that all Muslims are brothers and sisters: it's just that, like with any family, some brothers and sisters can go bad. 'What do we do about that?' I asked them. And that's when we got talking."

Sipping a cup of tea in her Accrington home, she smiles again at the memories of that day. "And do you know what happened? That little boy came up to me at the end of the assembly and said, `Miss, I think I like you.' And I told him, `I think I like you, too.' "

Anjum,54,hasdevotedmuch of the past five years to spreading understanding and dialogue between Muslim and non-Muslim communities. She's also formed an unlikely partnership with Anglican priest Canon Chris Chivers to forge the beginnings of social cohesion in some of Britain's most religiously riven communities

Until now, the pair have focused their

efforts on the north-west, giving talks and running discussions about religious issues for communities, church bodies, schools and universities. But they've also advised central government and councils on working with different ethnic groups, and been invited by religious organisations to take their work abroad to places such as Israel, Palestine and Bosnia-Herzegovina.

And next month they're launching Impact, a national organisation that will take their work to a new level. A network of volunteers who can run programmes and give talks will be recruited to reach out across Britain. The pair will undertake more overseas work, too, and set up spin-off projects like Community Voices, to promote discussion groups in schools and universities. The initiative will be partly funded by consultation work for state and private bodies. Impact will advise them on such issues as the wearing of religiotis symbols in the workplace. "We don't know how many people Impact will recruit yet," says Anjum. "But we want it to make as big an impression as possible."

The pair began working together just after the London tube bombings in July 2005. Chris Chivers, now 43, was an Oxford-educated vicar who'd officiated at the Queen Mother's funeral before being appointed Canon Chancellor of Blackburn Cathedral. His remit was to work on community outreach in one of Britain's most racially divided towns. He met Anjum at his interview for the job at the cathedral. She'd been asked to sit on the panel by the dean.

"THEDAYAFTER9/11,THESHOPS

NEARMYHOUSEREFUSEDTOSERVEME"

Anjum was a former banker and teacher who'd considered herself fully integrated into British life. But that all changed with 9/11. "The day after, the shops near my house refused to serve me. I wasn't even wearing a hijab in those days. I walked out feeling homeless. I wanted to run, but didn't know where to go."

When I first spoke to Chris, he said he'd never seen such a segregated community as Blackburn. I said, 'Thank you!' Thank you that someone had finally said it."

Thetwobecamefirmfriends, their families inseparable. "We'd walk round the shopping centre, reflecting on the fact that we were the only people laughing, partly because of the sense of division in the air," says Chris. "That seemed odd—sad, almost."

They realised they needed to do something out of the ordinary to get the Muslim and non-Muslim communities talking. "So we decided that we'd just walk in the community," says Chris. "Just walk. We would show that a woman with a hijab and a priest with a dog collar being friends didn't mean the world would fall apart."

It had a huge impact. They walked in Audley, almost exclusively Muslim, then in Mill Hill, which was mainly white. Amazed at the sight, people came out of houses to talk to them.

"At first, they were telling us we were crazy," says Chris. "Then they said they needed people like us, community leaders who wouldn't make things like the allocation of council resources into a religious issue."

They followed up the walks with a "Clash of Civilisations" discussion in the cathedral.

"We had 250 people turn up," explains Anjum, "Muslims and non-Muslims. There were a lot of youngsters, too, from Blackburn College. We were really surprised. I didn't expect more than a dozen." To persuade Blackburn's Muslims to enter the cathedral was even more remarkable.

Meetings every Tuesday at

lunch continue at the cathedral to this day. At first, the questions between the groups were often confrontational ("Why do your lot fly aeroplanes into buildings?"). Now, participants discuss everything from housing needs to youth crime, with local politicians invited to hear ideas from across the religious spectrum.

As well as setting up the cathedral meetings, Anjum and Chris expanded the Understanding Islam concept with their Blackburn Cathedral exChange project, giving joint talks and advice on Christian-Muslim relations at schools, community and religious meetings. Their partnership was cemented in March 2007 when Chris made Anjum Blackburn Cathedral's dialogue officer: the first Muslim ever directly employed by a Church of England cathedral.

As their work has developed, one of

their most important tasks has become teaching people not to let concerns about political correctness prevent them from discussing religion.

"I go into schools where there are non-Muslim teachers who don't know how to talk to Muslim kids," says Anjum. "I'm an outsider, so it's easier for me to start conversations about terrorism, women in Islam and that kind of thing. Teachers often feel under pressure not to offend anyone, so the things that should be said are not discussed."

The pair's work has taken a personal toll, particularly on Anjum. For a year, she received abusive calls from a white man who objected to a Muslim working at a Christian institution. He eventually confronted her at the cathedral, but she faced him down, took him for a coffee and explained the passages of the Koran he was citing to show that Muslims were inherently violent should be read another way. In the end, he apologised and said, "I think I may have been wrong about you."

"Can you believe that?" she says. "After subjecting me to that abuse? That's the kind of thing you have to battle through. It's unbearable sometimes. Some people in my community flatly refuse to have a conversation. But I know that when I do talk someone round, I'm affecting people's lives."

With the launch of Impact,

Anjum and Chris (who moved to John Keble church in north London in August), will be devoting a huge amount of time to creating their national

network, outside their normal day jobs. "I'm booked up for all of next year," shrugs Anjum.

But the urgent need for their work is illustrated by a recent case they were called in to deal with at a Catholic school.

The school had banned a parent wearing a niqab face-veil from walking onto the premises. "The lady offered to take it off if she could talk to female teachers in private, but the head refused," recalls Chris with a resigned look. "It seems to me that the school was actually acting against the Catholic church's own guidelines."

So far, the school is sticking to its position while Chris and Anjum continue to work to find a solution.

Anjum acknowledges that their work is only a first step towards ending religious tension. It's still rife in Blackburn and across Britain. Joint MuslimChristian projects will take some time to develop, probably driven by the younger generations that Impact will target. "But at least people in

Blackburn and the north-west have acknowledged the divide, and we've started the dialogue that may end it," she says.

Anjum and Chris have some concrete success stories. Anjum recently helped organise a cross-denominational women's conference with a music and fashion show attended by 375 people; 350 Muslims came to the cathedral to witness the celebration of Pentecost.

'We're not trying to say some nambypamby thing about us all being the same—we're not," says Anjum. "But we want people to understand and accept our differences and work together wherever possible."

Chris believes honesty will be Impact's most important ally: "If a young white person thinks Asians are getting more money from the council—which, by the way, isn't true—let's have the guts to say it, and talk about where that perception comes from and how we can overcome it. Each conversation is like a tiny drop of water, as the Africans say, wearing away the stone."

This month: not a UFO, sadly

Lenticular cloud is formed by wind blowing over mountain peaks, giving it its lens-Like shape (and its name). The floating lenses also happen to look like flying saucers— which is why they have been mistaken for UFOs. But bad news for ufologists is good news for glider pilots. Lenticulars are proof of wind lift: the rising air needed for gliding records. The world records for distance (1,865 miles) and altitude (50,721 feet) were set using such lift.

Tabloid

Beautifully

Gold

PUT A CORK IN IT

Next time you open a bottle, take a closer look at the stopper before you discard it.

Veronique Mistiaen explains why

Stocking up on wine for the festive season? Spare a moment to think about how those bottles are sealed. Deciding between a cork, plastic or aluminium stopper affects more than the quality of your wine; it can significantly impact the environment, too.

I visited some cork forests (known as montados) and manufacturing plants in Portugal, which produces more than half of all cork used worldwide. There, I discovered five reasons why you might want your wine bottles sealed with cork. ►

1. It's a natural-born sealer

Dom Perignon, the 1600s French Benedictine monk, is said to be the first to have used cork instead of oiled rags to close a bottle of wine. By the end of the 18th century, it was being used on an industrial scale.

Cork's elasticity, lightness, insulation properties and impermeability both to liquids and to gases make it a perfect sealant. Each of the 800 million cells in one cork has an "elastic memory"—when compressed, they try to go back to their original position.

What's more, studies have shown that cork stoppers allow in just the right micro-amount of oxygen to let the wine breathe. Plastic tops, on the other hand, let too much oxygen into the bottles (which can cause oxidation), while screw caps let in too little, which can affect the wine's flavour.

But over the past decade, winemakers have started replacing cork with plastic or aluminium stoppers for ease of use and to protect bottles from becoming "corked"—contaminated with 2,4,6-Trichloroanisole (TCA), a chemical that's harmless but produces an unpleasant mouldy smell and taste. The Portuguese cork industry is fighting back with new sterilisation and purification methods: now, only about one per cent of cork-sealed bottles are tainted with TCA.

Even so, artificial tops now account for 30 per cent of the 17 billion stoppers or so used worldwide every year—up from just five per cent a decade ago. If this trend continues, up to three quarters of the Mediterranean's cork forests could be lost within ten years, according to the World Wildlife Fund.

2. it's the basis of a unique ecosystem

The cork oak tree, whose thick, regenerating bark is shaved off every nine years to make cork, covers about 2.27 million hectares in Portugal and Spain (and to a lesser extent Morocco, Algeria, Italy, Tunisia and France). Each tree lives for up to 250 years and can be stripped 16 times in its life, producing enough cork in each harvest for 4,000 bottles.

CORK HARVEST TIMELINE

1.First, cork harvesters strip the cork oak. It's a profession that's passed down through the families in the montados.

2. The cork bark is stacked up before it's taken to the manufacturing plant.

3. There, the sheets of cork are cut into wedges.

4. Finally, a punching machine completes the journey from oak bark to cork stopper.

pokillkorf000ft,.

The Mediterranean cork oak forests are among the world's major biodiversity hotspots. The Coruche montado in the Alentejo region is a mosaic of cork, other oak species, pine trees, olive trees, brackens and grassland. Each 3,280-square-foot of forest contains about 135 species of plants, many with culinary or medicinal properties.

These ancient forests provide homes for rare species such as black storks and booted eagles—both of which nest only in cork oaks, says Nuno Oliveira, an independent conservation biologist. The secretive Iberian lynx, the world's most endangered cat, relies on the open, dotted structure of the forest for hunting. European cranes migrate to the forests to feed on the cork oaks' acorns. The forests are also home to wolves, Barbary deer, wild boar, reptiles, insects and millions of birds.

"It isn't about top species like lions or elephants. It's the plants and animals

The montados are home to the endangered Iberian lynx

living in harmony that make the montado unique," says Rui Simoes, local Rainforest Alliance representative.

To help preserve their forests, cork producers in Portugal, Spain and Morocco are working towards Forest Stewardship Council certification, which guarantees compliance with the highest social and environmental standards.

3.Cork supports a sustainable economy

The Mediterranean cork forests not only support some 100,000 workers, but also sustain a traditional way of life in disadvantaged areas. There, farmers have practised a low-intensity mix of agriculture and forestry for millennia—before it stoppered wine bottles, cork was used for beehives, shoe soles and for sealing barrels.

The farmers can raise goats, cows and pigs on just a small patch of cork land—they're one of the best examples of balanced conservation and development in the world, says Simeies.

Skilled craftsmen harvest cork by hand with a special axe from June to August. Like their ancestors, they follow strict guidelines, including the legal period of time between each stripping, the ripeness of the bark and the weather conditions during the harvest.

Fernando Pereira, 37, has harvested cork in the Coruche montado for ten years. "Everyone in my village does it. It's a tradition. Harvesting is important —not just for the money (€100-€150 a day), but because it's my heritage."

"People don't realise the impact of a simple decision like buying a bottle

of wine," says Carlos de Jesus, the marketing and communications director f or Amorim, a Portuguese cork producer and manufacturer.

"By buying bottles with cork stoppers, consumers can not only help preserve the Mediterranean cork oak forests, but also the traditional rural way of life."

4 Cork forests help the environment

The forests conserve soil by protecting against wind erosion and increasing the rate at which rainwater is absorbed. In North Africa, the forests even act as the last barrier against desertification.

As well as producing oxygen through photosynthesis, cork oak traps carbon, which contributes to global warming. This is especially true during the tree's early years (when it grows quickly), and when it's been harvested—harvested trees absorb up to five times more carbon than those that aren't.

A recent study by the School of Agronomy in Lisbon suggested that the Portuguese cork forests drained

OTIVATINGTHEWORKFORCE

A corking chair designed by Gabriel Wiese (left) and a USB memorystick

4.8 million tons of CO2 from the atmosphere in the previous year. As Mediterranean cork forests cover over 2.27 million hectares, that means they're providing a carbon sink of over 14 million tons a year. The production of natural cork stoppers also emits ten times less CO2 than plastic stoppers and 24 times less than screw caps.

5. It's completely renewable and recyclable

Unlike its plastic and aluminium counterparts, cork is a sustainable resource, both renewable and biodegradable. Literally all the bark is used—any waste is granulated and agglomerated into a different type of stopper, or used in wall panels and fishing floats. Even the particles of cork dust are collected and used as fuel to heat the factory boilers.

>> For more details of the Rainforest Alliance and the Portuguese Cork Association, see readersdigest.co.uk/links.

I was paging through our local council's publication of adult education courses when I came across the following announcement: "Are you an employer? Why not invest time in developing your best assets—YOUR STAFF."

Submitted by Daphne Ryan, Kingston-upon-Thames

Could you write a gripping Go on—have a go over and you could win a your story tale using just 100 words? the Christmas holidays, cash prize and have published in RD!

WORD STORY

Our fantastic 100-word story competition, launched in the October issue, is open both to adults and to schools, soeveryone has the chance to win.

Haven't got around to it yet? Here's a quick recap of what to do.

Entries for all categories should be sent totheeditor@readersdigest.co.ukor submitted at readersdigest.co. uk/100word story* by January 31.

The story in the adult category voted best by our panel of judges will win the author £5,000. Two runners-up will receive £100 in book tokens—and all three tales will be published inReader's Digest.

In the schools categories, the prize is £1,000-worth of high-street vouchers of their choice for the winner in

CHRISTOPHER BROOKMYRE

He's at the window again, looking for us, checking his watch. He knows we're coming; he just doesn't know when.

Inside the van, I watch his face in close-up on the screens, his position relayed through my earpiece. Sooner or later he'll make a move. Sooner or later everybody does. That's when they're ours.

"Subject leaving house," a voice informs me. "Confirm and note time, 11:46."

I move in to give the message. The name is always different, but the inescapable

truth never changes:

'We tried to deliver a parcel

today at 11:46 but were unable

to gain access..."

Christopher Brookmyre's 13th

11-year-old category" or "Schools: 12- to-18-year-old category",

as appropriate.

To help inspire you to get started, ▪ read how top novelist Christopher Brookmyre rose to the challenge (above).

A READS AChristmas short story by Alexander

McCall Smith

ILLUSTRATED BY JONNY

MENDELSSON

HIS TOOK PLACE ON ONE OF THOSE ISLANDS OFF THE WEST COAST OF SCOTLAND. Such islands make up the very edge of the country—fragments of land cast out into the Atlantic like afterthoughts. This particular island was slightly bigger than its neighbours—some of which one could walk across in not much more than an hour—but for the people who lived there, all 215 of them, it was just the right size.

"Why bother with these big places?" said the woman who ran the island's only store. "What do they have that we don't?"

Some people said that they could make a long list of the exciting things cities had which they did not, but others agreed with her. "They have traffic and crowds and people rushing about. We have the wind and rain and the silver fish from the sea. We have everything we need."

There was certainly enough wind and rain. This was the first land hit by the air moving in from the Atlantic. It often seemed to vent its pent-up fury on this small bit of Scotland, bending the few trees double, throwing great waves at the coast so the island appeared to be ringed with foaming white. But then, just as suddenly as the wind had arisen, it would die away, and the skies would become blue again, as if nature were apologising for its fit of bad temper. At such times, it seemed that there could be nowhere better to live, nowhere more beautiful, nowhere more peaceful.

SEVERAL FAMILIES ON THE ISLAND WERE CALLED MACDONALD. THIS one was Duncan Macdonald, his wife Margaret and their two 11 children, Ross and Katrina. Duncan was a fisherman, one of the

three men who owned a small fishing boat—the only one still to be based on the island. There had once been many more fishermen, but fish stocks, raided by distant factory ships, had diminished. The herring, once the mainstay of the local economy, had all but gone; a memory now, talked about by older people, referred to in songs and poems—but rarely seen in those waters. The same was true of cod, once plentiful and easy to catch, now lurking in increasingly deep or inaccessible waters, pursued to the edge of oblivion.

Duncan and his friends made a living from seafood. There were still scallops, which they dived for in shallower waters; there were still prawns; there were still lobsters. The men went out, often for days at a time, and then took their catch over the sound to a small harbour on the mainland, where it was frozen and dispatched. They then returned for a few days to be with their families, time for the cleaning and preparation of the equipment, before they went out to sea again.

At times, the sea was perfectly friendly—a vast, still field of blue stretching out to a watery horizon. At others, it became an enemy, particularly in the late autumn and winter, when gale warnings would advise sailors to stay put, or, if they were already out, to run for shelter in some nearby harbour. Duncan and his friends had learned to cope with gales, because they had to fish in all sorts of weather; they had to live with risk.

"There are other sorts of work," Margaret pointed out. "You could get something else."

`And leave the island?' he asked. "Is that what you really want?" ■

She did not. The children were happy where they were and she was content with her life. It wasn't hard bringing children up in such a place; they could wander wherever they liked, and didn't have to be watched every moment of the day. A friend once remarked to Margaret that it was like childhood used to be—before it became a prison of rules. Don't talk to strangers? But there were no strangers on an island where everybody knew exactly who everybody else was, even the visitors. Look both ways before you cross the roads? But there was only one road on the island, and that was usually full of sheep.

WINTER WAS THE HARD TIME. THAT WAS WHEN PEOPLE TUCKED themselves away in their houses, the peat for their fires stacked high behind the sheds, doors and windows closed tight against the weather. Life had to go on, of course, but everything had to be fitted into a day that became shorter and shorter. With the sun rising after nine o'clock and then disappearing not long after three, there wasn't time to do very much. Children walked to the island school in dim half-light and finished their lessons just before sunset. If people wanted to tend to their livestock on the more remote grazings, they had to do so quickly— before it became too dark to see the huddles of sheep and cattle in the encroaching darkness.

But there was Christmas, of course, and New Year, too, which had always been an even bigger festival in those parts of Scotland. Hogmanay was still very important,

but from the point of view of the children, Christmas was infinitely more exciting. New Year was really for adults, who liked to gather and listen to music and make one another joyful and miserable by turns as they talked about the year that had gone. That was no fun if you were six, as Ross was, or four, as was his sister Katrina. Christmas, by contrast, was a time of presents, of a nativity play put on by the school, and of an unfamiliar meal of turkey (or sometimes goose) brought over from the mainland. It was a time when that great, inexplicable miracle of Santa's journey could be expected. That happened whether or not there was bad weather. Santa, it seemed, was indifferent to the shipping forecast.

THAT YEAR, MARGARET HAD GONE TO MULL, ONE OF THE NEIGHBOURING islands, much larger than theirs, to do her Christmas shopping. Tobermory, the town at the top of the island, had a line of shops ringing the harbour, and these, like most island shops, sold virtually anything one needed. In particular, there was an old-fashioned hardware store that stocked everything from the most mundane screws and nails to expensive binoculars for bird-watchers. If you needed a fuse, you knew they would have one; if you wanted a reel of fishing line, or rubber rings for sealing preserving jars, you could also find these on their shelves.

While she was in the hardware store, Margaret found several things that would do the children as small presents. She took these to the counter and was about to pay when she spotted a small, handwritten sign pinned onto the shop's noticeboard Santa outfit, hardly worn. Would suit large man.

She pointed to the notice. "Where can I get that?" she asked. The man behind the counter looked up. "Oh, that. You can get it here. I'm selling it for one of our customers. Interested?"

She smiled. An idea had come to her, one of those ideas that doesn't take long to be dismissed as ridiculous. What did they need a Santa outfit for? Would Duncan even wear it? She glanced at the sign again. Would suit large man. Duncan was tall and, yes, one would describe him as large, even if he carried little spare flesh; the hard physical work on the boat ensured that. And there was an occasion when it would be very useful if somebody were to dress up as Santa—the children's Christmas party that they held each year in the island hall. There was never a Santa at that, because nobody on the island had a Santa outfit. Well, that could change this year; the party was due to take place in a couple of days' time, and surely Duncan would agree to dress up. If he proved reluctant then there was always her father, who was perhaps a little bit small to be Santa, but he could tuck the jacket in and belt the trousers.

The shopkeeper was looking at her. "I can tell you're tempted," he said. "Go on—give it a try! Folk aren't exactly queueing up to buy this."

She laughed. "I'm not sure," she said. "I didn't come over to buy a Santa outfit, of all things."

"The best buys in this life are the ones you make on impulse," said the shopkeeper. "Believe me. I know."

She hesitated, but only for a few moments. "May I take a look at it?"

The shopkeeper retreated into his back room and returned after a short while with a large plastic bag. Out of this he

took a shapeless jacket, a pair of baggy trousers in the same red cloth as the jacket, and a red cap lined with what looked like pressed cotton. There was also a white stick-on beard. "The complete kit," said the shopkeeper, smiling. "What will you give me for it?"

She shook her head. "I really don't think..." And then she stopped. She imagined the delight of the children, including her own. There was a time to believe in things like this. Every year, it seemed to her, the possibilities for wonder, for magic, grew fewer—and smaller, too.

She named a price. It was not very much and she thought that the shopkeeper was going to turn her offer down, but he didn't. "Done," he said. "I think they'll be very happy to have sold it."

THE SANTA OUTFIT WRAPPED UP IN PAPER AND FIRMLY TIED WITH string, Margaret made her way down to the pier from which the ferry would leave for the island. It was early afternoon and the weather was unusually placid for December; this happened from time to time, when a friendly zone of high pressure settled over the north of Scotland, bringing clear skies and settled seas. In such conditions, the ferry journey home could be spent on deck, looking out towards the high cliffs of the mainland and the distant mountains of Skye. And it was there on the deck, as the ferry rounded the tip of Mull, that she saw a fishing boat ploughing its course across the wide expanse of silver-blue sea, heading back, as she was, for their island. Margaret could not make out the details of the boat but she was sure it was her husband's, and she waved, knowing ►

there was no chance of his seeing her, a tiny dot on the ferry deck. She blew him a kiss, but it was lost in the breeze and the emptiness of the sky.

THAT EVENING, WHEN THE CHILDREN HAD BEEN PUT TO BED, SHE showed him the Santa outfit. He laughed.

"What on earth did you get that for?"

"For you," she said. "For the children's party. Please don't say no."

He picked up the jacket and then held the white beard to his chin. "Suits me?"

"Try it on," she said. "Go on."

It fitted, although the trousers did need a belt, as she had thought they might. He stood before her, the beard stuck to his face with a little strip of sticking plaster she had cut for the purpose.

"It's very impressive," she said, smiling. He reached out to her. "Give me a kiss."

She kissed him, feeling the unfamiliar tickle of the beard. And behind her, unknown to either of them, Ross, awakened by their voices, was peering through a crack in the door, watching wideeyed as his mother embraced a strange man in a red suit. He watched for a moment and then, bored, returned to bed.

SCHOOL HAD BROKEN UP FOR THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS, AND ON THE day of the children's party Duncan had promised that he would take his son to look for mussels on the rocks. Ross loved the task of searching for the half-hidden mussel beds, but he was only allowed to do it under su-

pervision. Now, crouched with his father, he suddenly announced, "Mummy has a friend, you know. He comes to see her and she kisses him."

The small boy made the remark in all innocence, and immediately went on to something else. He didn't see his father stiffen.

Duncan was about to ask his son to explain, but something held him back. He couldn't. He didn't want to find out. He stood up, and for a moment he felt that he was going to faint, that he was going to come crashing down on the rocks. How easy it was for a world to be ended by a few small words. How easy.

They returned to the house. Duncan was silent, his mind a turmoil of questions and possibilities. He had not misheard what Ross said—it was unambiguous. He was not prepared to believe it; not Margaret, she would never do something like that. He trusted her; she was not one to cheat on him. And yet people do such things, he thought; people have affairs; people ruin everything; and now it was happening to him.

He could hardly bring himself to look at her, but she was busy with preparations for the party.

"Remember to change," she said, winking in complicity, as she ushered the children out of the house. "See you there."

"Is Daddy coming?" asked Ross.

"Later," she said, and closed the door behind her.

He sat down, his head sunk in his hands. He was tempted not to go; he could stay in the house and then have it out with her when she came back. They could put the children to bed and he would confront her with his knowledge of her betrayal. But that would be later; for the moment he would dress up as Santa and ►

do what everybody else expected of him. He was not doing it for her; he was doing it for the children.

CLAD IN THE SANTA OUTFIT, HE WALKED THE SHORT DISTANCE

ALONG the road that led to the island's hall. It was dark now, and the light spilled out from the windows. He saw figures within; he heard the voices of the island children.

He opened the door and stepped inside. "Santa!" shouted one of the children.

They flocked to him, and for a moment he forgot what had happened. He looked down. A small hand tugged at his jacket. It was the daughter of one of the other men on the boat. He patted her head. Then he turned. His own son was looking up at him, gravely.

"Well, young man," Duncan said, deepening his voice. "What do you want for Christmas this year?'

Ross was staring at him. "You're my Mummy's friend, aren't you? You came to our house."

It took a moment, but when the realisation came, it washed over him like a wave. He looked across the hall, to where his wife was standing. She was watching him, smiling. He walked across and stood before her.

"And what do you want for Christmas this year?" he asked.

"Just what I've already got," she whispered.

"Same here," he said, and blew her a kiss, his back to the children, so that they should not see.

They smiled at each other, and then he turned round to face the children again.

D tergt Anytime, Anyplace, Anyw re

How would you like to enjoy your Reader's Digest?

You can now find us on our website, iPad, iPhone, and—from this Christmas—Kindle.

You can also be our friends on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. Find out more at readersdigest. co.uk/everywhere

1,001 things... is compiled and written by

Linda Gray

WELCOME TO THE PAGES THAT HE MAKE LIFE SIMPLE EASIER AND, WE HO MORE FUN! STARTIN HERE WITH...

1,001 things everyone should know...

HOW TO ...celebrate in style

IF CHRISTMAS IS DRIVING YOU CRACKERS, TRY GIVING IT A NEW NAME.How about Thanksgiving—because, accordingto grande dame of style Lucia van der Post, that's what celebration is all about. "Those of us lucky enough to have friends and families have lots to celebrate and should never forget it," she says. In her book (aptly named Celebrate) she insists we don't do it often enough."Special occasions matter. Without them, we risk losing the narrative of friendship." Here's her advice for makingyour Christmas memorable.

s Put people first.What matters most: making cranberry ---, sauce or being with thoseyou care about? After a few drinks, no one will know or care if the veg and trimmings are ready-prepped. Adapt traditions as the family waxes and wanes. Christmas dinner at 7pm is perfect for adults who like to get up late and drink champagne at noon but hopeless for toddlers. And be aware that spending Christmas with grown-up children needs all your diplomacy, because it's no longer your show.

• Go for impact when decorating instead of tasteful tweaking.Bins stuffed with frosted branches (£75 from John Lewis or free from your garden) and bowls filled with masses of one thing—apples or walnuts, say—look stunning.

• For never-fail gifts, think experiences(winetasting, a Tate gallerytour, theatre tokens) for lasting memories. Or opt for the best of life's essentials (estate-bottled olive oil, triple-milled soap) and wrap them in style. Make big rosettes from scraps of ribbon and use themed gift wrap—recipes for a foodie present, road maps for a car nut. Best of all, think about what those close to you want and need. Picking up on remarks such as "I'd love a bike with a basket/a new sports bag/my photos printed out"—and coming up with the goods—is the ultimate in thoughtfulness.

HOW TO... hook up Ia. your TV to the net

CATCH UP WITH YOUR FAVOURITE PROGRAMMES

by linkingyour laptop toyour TV. Once done,you can loll on the sofa and watch the Doctor WhoChristmas Special on iPlayer when it suitsyou. "It's simple if you have a decent broadband speed plus a flat-screen TV and a newish laptop," says Anthony Dhanendran ofComputeractive magazine. "Look for the HDMI socket on both—it's a squashed D-shape about a third of an inch across. Then all you need is an HDMI cable (available for as little as £5) to connect the two."

It's possible to marry up older pieces of kit—you'll find instructions on blinkbox*, which streams movies and TV shows toyour computer. If you can't find what you want, browse iTunes and download a show. If you buy an Apple AV composite cable (£39) to connect your iPod or iPhone to the TV,you can watch the film on a full-size screen withoutyour laptop.

HOW TO ...carve the Christmas bird

* Go to readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblink

PASS THE MACHO COOKING

TEST OF THE YEARwith these tips from chef Chris McLean at top London department store Peter Jones. Just sharpen your knife while the bird is resting (it needs 15 minutes after cooking) and read on. Turkey Cut off the wings, pull out the wishbone and twist off one of the legs. Cut the brown meat into chunks before tacklingthe other leg and the wings. Cut the breast smoothly against the grain (the meat stays tender that way) and pile up the slices to keep them moist. Turn the bird over and remove anything worth eating underneath. Goose and duck There's not much breast meat, so start here. Hold the knife at 90 degrees to the bird and carve, working from the neck. Then take off the legs and remove meat from the thighs.

HOW TO... find a fairy godmother

CHECK YOUR BANK ACCOUNT TO SEE IF YOU'RE ENTITLED TO A FREE CONCIERGE SERVICE.They'll book tickets, (even for sold-out events), organise parties and track down Dave the Monkey—this year's must-buy toy.

The service is a freebie offered with premium bank accounts, along with free travel insurance, car breakdown cover, extended warranties, home emergency protection (they get you a plumber if your pipes burst), etc. Details are usually in the boring bumf no one ever reads!

HOW TO _light a log fire

NOTHING BEATS THE SCENT OF CRACKLING LOGS—IF YOU CAN GET THE DARN THINGS TO LIGHT.But the Scouts can get a fire going even in the pouring rain, so listen up.

Get together dry grass, birch bark, finger-size twigs, dried orange peel—a great fire-starter—or loosely crumpled newspaper for kindling. You'll also need firewood (split sticks let the fire get a hold) and a good flow of air. Open the damper in the fireplace to encourage the fire to draw and, while you're at it, check the chimney isn't blocked by nests—a hazard even if it's swept once ayear. Now build your fire. Scouts make a tepee from

twigs (put a small candle in the middle and surround with kindling) or a star (cross two sticks on a bed of kindling and top with a third). When the flames come through, add split, seasoned logs (find a supplier at the National

Energy Foundation's Log Pile website*).

Ideallythey should be at least three years old to avoid building up creosote in the chimney, says the Guild of Master Chimney Sweepers. Check they're dry by pulling the bark—it should come away easily—then feed the fire until you have a blaze to toast your toes.

Before you reach for the matches, check that wood smoke is allowed. A useful map on the Defra website* will show if you're in a smoke-control area, which can apply to Devon and Norfolk as well as towns. If you're in one, it doesn't mean the end of your rural dream—go for a woodburning stove instead.

AWKWARD PAUSES, INANE CHIT-CHAT... PARTIES BRING OUT THE MR BEAN IN US ALL.But as Professor Bernardo Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute in the US, points out, small talk is the starting point for all relationships. What's more, it's something everyone can learn. "You don't have to be brilliant. You just have to be kind and show thatyou're willingto talk," he says.

To get the conversational ball rolling, make a simple comment. It's an opening gambit, so it doesn't have to be a bon mot.

"Is this the queue for the drinks? The whole company must have turned up," will do. Then introduce yourself and add a titbit for the other person to pick up on. Instead of saying, "I'm in customer

services," say, "I'm in customer services and you would not believe some of the complaints we get."

If the chat stalls, toss out a topic, such as "I love Mexican food" when the canapes come round. (Don't feel like an idiot if it's ignored. "It may take two or three goes before you get a response," says Carducci.)

Expand on whatyou've said. "But I'm not sure about chocolate with chilli. Doyou like that?" to bring in other people.

"You d on't have t o be brillia nt, just ki nd and w illing totalk"

When you're ready to go, thank people for the pleasure of their company. The script might go: "I must leave now but it's been great talking to you—I'll certainly try that Mexican restaurant. Do let me know ifyou think of any others." And give them your number ifyou mean it.

HOW TO ...climb your family tree

UNTIL WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?HIT

OUR SCREENS,

genealogy was often seen as a nerdy pursuit. Now we're all at it, scanning the 1901 census and inmates of the prison hulks to find our forebears.

With luck,you can trace your line back to 1837, when official registration of births, marriages and deaths began. Before that,you're reliant on parish records— if your ancestors moved or had a common name (John Smith is dispiriting) they can vanish.

What you need is a "gateway" ancestor, says Claire Vaughan, acting editor of Who Do YouThink You Are? magazine. "If there's an aristocrat in your family tree, you can zoom back easily," she says.

Ancestor-hunter Phil Reid has gone back in time to Rollo the Viking (born 870) by finding a link to King John through a string of vicars based in the ancient village of Avebury, Wiltshire. Claire explored family myth instead. "There was a rumour that we were Spanish but it turned out that my ancestor was an Italian immigrant," she says. To find yours...

• Ask your oldest relatives to tell you all the things they remember about their grandparents.

• Trawl the archives.Best known are Family Search* (free) and Ancestry* (subscription), while censuses and military records can be accessed through the National Archives for a small fee.

• Use social networking websites to pool your findings with others researchingyour family.

• Look up tong-dead relatives.From a First World War battlefield to a hill station in India, seeing whereyour family lived gives a real sense of your roots.

What your jeweller won't tell you

>> Palladium's cool. There's more to precious metal than gold. Earlier this year, silvery-white palladium was awarded precious metal status, following its cousin platinum, which made the grade in the 1970s. Both are hallmarked, so you won't be palmed off with a substitute. >> You can see right through a fine stone.It sparkles because it's free from flaws or "inclusions". The bigger the stone, the less likely it is to be perfect.

0 Some jewels are too good to be true.Big, brilliant and at a priceyou can afford? Ask if that ruby is real and I'll say yes, so check if it was made in a lab. The same goes for cultured pearls, where a bead is placed in the oyster shell. The jewels may be genuine, but they're not natural.

>> I'm the original beancounter. Gold and precious stones are measured in carats, originally bean seeds. Pure 24-carat gold is too

*See readersdigest.co.uk/links for weblinks

soft for jewellery, so it's mixed with alloys. Eighteen-carat gold, the finest grade suitable for everyday wear, is 75 per cent gold. Ninecarat (the UK's lowest) contains only half that.

>> A blue topaz is very rare.Invariably it's a white one that's been treated. Vivid jewels are prized, so colour is often boosted by heating or irradiating, which may weaken the stone. Flaws can also be hidden. Some gems are filled so skilfully the work is hard to spot— until they crack.

>> Sterling silver is second best.It's 92 per cent silver, compared to Britannia's 96 per cent.

>> Look for an anchor, rose, castle or leopard.

They're the symbols of the four assay offices in London, Birmingham, Sheffield and Edinburgh that, along with the maker's mark and the purity rating, form part of the hallmark—guaranteeing a precious metal. Without them,the stamp is worthless.

>>I'll help you avoid inheritance tax.Insurance valuations are high because they cover the replacement cost. All you need for probate is the resale value

—tell me which you want.

>> Beware exploding emeralds.They're brittle, despite their tough look. Sapphires and rubies are harder and diamonds are the strongest.

>> There may be blood... I just don't know.I get my diamonds ready-cut from stone merchants. There's a certification process to stop the export of "conflict" diamonds used to fund wars, but it's widely ignored.

>> You've no idea what you're worth.The price of gold has risen by 500 per cent since 2000. That means the £400 necklaceyou got ten years ago could cost £2,000 to replace. Value it every two years and be prepared to buy extra cover if it's worth over £1,500.

>> Coins are worth their weight in gold. Start hoarding sovereigns— at 22 carats, they contain more gold than jewels.

>> It's not just about rocks.Jewellery is also made from jet (fossilised wood), opals (oil-based), amber (resin), coral and pearls from oysters and mussels.

>> Rinse gemstones in gin to clean.You can also use an ultrasonic cleaner; or soapy water and a soft toothbrush. But you're better off bringing them to me—I'll also spot the claw that's about to break before you lose that diamond.

>> Rub pearls on your teeth.Natural pearls are made from multiple layers of nacre (mother of pearl), which forms tiny ridges the tooth test detects. Fake pearls are smooth, as are inferior cultured pearls.

>> Gold is always yellow, not red or white. Red gold is mixed with copper, white is blended with silver and coated with rhodium to make it shine.

>> Tarnish isn't dirt.It's oxidisation. Use silver dip or rub hard to get it off.

>> If you want cash for gold, come to me.Those TV sites only offer the scrap value; I'll take workmanship into account. I belongto the Institute of Registered Valuers—see readersdigest. co.uk/links for one nearyou.

on the Ward

You don't always find Christmas spirit in the obvious places, says Max Pemberton

Each Christmas in the hospital where I work something truly wonderful happens that sums up the very spirit of Christmas. Up on the children's ward, there are presents and carol-singing. Many of these children are very sick and, for some, it will be the last Christmas they see. All the staff don daft hats

He

spends

the rest of the day giving each patient a proper

Christmas and joke and laugh. They serve Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and pull crackers with the children. Families come to join in the festivities and even some of the children who are well enough to have been allowed home for the

Christmas period come back on Christmas Day. I defy anyone not to stand watching and smile.

But the wonderful thing that happens each Christmas isn't here—it's somewhere far less inspiring. Down on the dementia ward, people sit, not even fully aware of the time of year, often with no visitors and no presents. In contrast to the children's ward, Christmas spirit seems in short supply. Yet on Christmas Day this year, as he's done everyyear without fail for nearly 20 years, the ward consultant, Dr Webber, sacrifices his own Christmas and goes to the ward.

What's particularly touching is that he does it quietly, without fanfare. If I weren't tellingyou about it, only the patients and nurses would ever know.

He buys and wraps a present for each patient, makes mince pies and, in the late morning, drives to the ward where he spends the rest of the day giving each patient a proper Christmas. He serves the patients and staff their Christmas dinner and, after

lunch, organises games.

The group of patients on his ward is easily forgotten. They have few advocates and, despite the Christmas message being intended for everyone, they're all too easily excluded.

We often reflect on what Christmas means to us— in fact, in recentyears, it seems that to do so has become almost as much a tradition as figgy pudding.

Central to the Christian message is that the saviour of the world was born in humble conditions; it's a message of humility and compassion,yet the materialism at this time of year easily eclipses this. Perhaps it's therefore fittingthat a reminder of the true meaning of Christmas can be found not amid the fun and hilarity of the children's ward, but in the dreary surroundings of the dementia unit. Here, one person's selfless actions ensure that everyone can experience the true spirit of Christmas.

Max Pemberton is a hospital doctor, and the Mind Journalist of the Year 2010.

KNOW YOUR ORGANS

The heart

The heart is a highly specialised muscle. It lives slightly on the left-hand side of the chest and is the size of a closed fist. It has four chambers, with valves at the entrance of each one to stop the blood goingthe wrong way—"regurgitation".

In a heartbeat

Blood enters the heart chamber on the right side where it's then pumped to the lungs to become oxygenated. It then returns to the heart on the left side, where it's pumped round the body. A heartbeat is actually the heart muscle contractingto pump the blood, and the rate changes depending on how much oxygen is needed. It's regulated by hormones and nerves.

At the heart of the matter

There are three basic ways a doctor can see how well the heart is working: by using a stethoscope, the blood flow and the heart valves can be heard; an ECG (electrocardiogram) examines the electrical impulses running through the heart; and an echo-cardiogram uses sonar technology to show a picture of its structure.

Matters of the heart

The heart requires a lot of blood to fuel it. So if the coronary arteries become narrow due to build-up of cholesterol, for example, parts of the heart struggle to work—a condition known as angina. If an artery becomes totally blocked this can lead to a part of the heart dying—a heart attack. Interestingly, for the remaining partner in the firstyear after a spouse dies, there's a 70 per cent increase in heart attacks and a 40 per cent increase in death rate. It would appearyou really can die of a broken heart.

Next month: the womb

Herbal. hope for arthritis sufferers? Elizabeth Adlam reports on a new use for an old friend

Rosehipp totherescue?

"Compared with placebo, glucosamine, chondroitin, and their combination do not reduce joint pain," says a British Medical Journal analysis of ten trials involving 4,000 osteoarthritis (OA) sufferers.

So where does this leave the millions of OA sufferers out there? After all, for the past ten years, glucosamine and chondroitin have increasingly been recommended in guidelines, prescribed by GPs and used by patients to reduce pain and combat OA.

New hope may lie with the humble rosehip, which has long been recognised as a good source of vitamin C. Now, it's also proving to have substantial benefits for OA.

Its power was discovered in 1985 in Denmark by Erik Hansen, an OA sufferer who reacted badly to painkillers. In 1995, 5,000 testimonials from satisfied users were sentto biochemist Dr Kaj Winther at the

"I first heard about GOPO® when my daughter's athletics coach recommended it. Three weeks later, I was off painkillers" Alison Skuse

University of Copenhagen for assessment. Experts identified the active ingredient—galactolipid GOPO® (glycoside of mono- and diglycerol, to you and me). Initial studies demonstrated GOPO®'s anti-inflammatory properties and a cartilage-protective effect: it prevents the migration of white blood cells, which trigger joint inflammation. Further trials confirmed these findings. In one trial, 82 per cent of patients with OA reported reduction in pain after three weeks' treatment. In another study, patients reported improvement in joint stiffness and general wellbeing—including sleep quality. And the clinical evidence is growing.

Tony Mayo, 64, from Cumbria, was in chronic pain from hip osteoarthritis, and a bad reaction to prescription painkillers made him seek alternative treatment. "After eight weeks of taking GOPO®,

I ditched my walking sticks and could drive again," he says. Surgery at fouryears old for dislocated hips left Alison Skuse from Gloucestershire with a dragging right leg. Years later, she took up running, but after six weeks the pain was so bad she couldn't function without painkillers. "I first heard about GOPO® when my daughter's athletics coach recommended it. Three weeks later, I was off painkillers; three weeks after that I was running again." Now 41, Alison is leadingthe active life she dreamed of.

It's not only OA patients who may benefit from GOPO®. Results of a Danish trial this year suggest patients with rheumatoid arthritis may experience reduced joint tenderness if additionally treated with rosehip powder.

"GOPO® has advantages over other supplements in showing effect in osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis," says Dr Rod Hughes, consultant rheumatologist at St Peter's Hospital, Chertsey. "Goodquality evidence supports the use of GOPO® in relieving pain in rheumatic disease. It appears safe*, and avoids the gastro-intestinal problems often associated with painkillers."

Look for the GOPO® logo when buying rosehip; LitoZin Joint Health contains more than any other UK product and is available at Boots, Holland & Barrett and other pharmacies (£19.99 for 120 capsules). Some evidence suggests at least a three-month trial period.

*No reported side effects. No known contraindications for pregnancy. No interaction with painkillers. Can be used by diabetics and those with shellfish allergies.

Face your festive food demons

Overdone the canapes and mince pies this season, even though you've had a healthy year up until now? Here are the whys and hows of beating overeating

Lack of sleep

Aside from makingyou feel groggy, missing out on shuteye triggers metabolic changes that may actually lead to weight gain—and Christmas parties are the worst offenders. Leptin and ghrelin are the hormones that control appetite and satiety; research by the Annals of Internal Medicine showed that people who only slept for four hours a night had an 18 per cent decrease in leptin (the satiety hormone) and a 28 per cent increase in ghrelin, which triggers hunger.

How can you fix it? When we're exhausted, we naturally reach for carbs and sugary foods—step on up, crisps and biscuits!—because they're comforting and give us energy. But they're also unkind to your waistline, so, if you're partying this Christmas, go for high-fibre carbs and protein the next day, such as wholewheat toast and egg whites or ayogurt. You'll be satisfied for longer.

Stress

Between shopping for presents and trying to cook the perfect roast turkey, there's no denying that Christmas can pile on the stress. And when we're stressed, our body pumps out a hormone called cortisol, which not only makes us more inclined to reach for fatty foods, but also makes us more likelyto store fat around our

middles—which may lead to heart attacks. Stress also makes it harder to stick to a healthy eating plan: if you normally restrictyour eating,you're more likely to overeat in the face of stress. How can you fix it?It's probably the last thingyou feel like doing—but a bit of exercise will doyou a world of good. A recent Brazilian study found that exercise may actually reduce overeating. There's a compound called IL-6 that plays a central role in the regulation of appetite, and it also makes our bodies more sensitive to the satiety signals that insulin and leptin send to the brain. It gets released from muscles when they contract—which is exactly what happens during exercise.

It's tradition!

Cravings aren't just based on the mere sight of food: memories, company and location will all makeyou start thinking about the amazing roast potatoes or cake you had last Christmas, leading to cravings for them. Plus, unhealthy treats are everywhere at this time of year—you'd have to have willpower of steel to be able to resist!

How can you fix it?Instead of saying, "No, I can't have that extra mince pie," (which increases your desire for it) focus on somethingyou want more, such as looking good in your New Year's Eve party dress or starting 2011 on a healthier foot. If you have pigged out, don't worry—forgive yourself, learn from it and hit the lean protein and veggies hard.

HOW OFTEN DO OUR BODY PARTS RENEW THEMSELVES?

WITHIN DAYS

Is Cells in the intestine renew themselves every two to three days. We have over 10,000 taste buds on our tongue and these are replaced roughly every ten days due to the amount of food we consume.

WITHIN MONTHS

On average, women have 4,600,000 red blood cells per cubic millimetre. It takes approximately three months to replace them. Our livers have a lifespan of about five months before they renew themselves.

WITHIN YEARS

It takes between three and six years for us to have a completely new head of hair.

The skeleton completely renews every ten years. Research has shown that heart muscle cells can take about 20 years to renew themselves.

NEVER

Cells that can't renew themselves: The cells in our eyes and most of the cells in our brain cannot be renewed.

Deborah Durbin

Good posture Dos and Don'ts

If you want to look slimmer,ward off joint degeneration and improve your breathing, you should be thinking about your posture. But it's about more than just standing up straight—your body should

DO

1.Switch it up If you do have to stay in one position for a long period of time, such as at work, taking a break every 20 minutes to do a few shoulder rolls and neck stretches will loosen you up.

2.Check your posture Wheneveryou pass a mirror, check out how you're standing. It's easy to pick up bad habits without realising.

3.Carry with care When using

DON'T

1.SlouchObvious, but if you slouch when you sit down, the pressure on your spine is a whopping 150 per cent greater than when standing.

2.Overcompensate Standing too straight puts your spine under almost as much pressure as when you slouch.

3.Sleep on your frontYou have to twist your neck to one side when you sleep like this. Instead, try buying a

be aligned so that if you were to draw a straight line from your ear downwards it would go through your neck, shoulder, hip and knee and end in your heel, just in front of your ankle. Here are some pointers:

a backpack, use both straps. If you're using a heftier handbag, alternate the arm you carry it on.

4.Wear heels less They accentuate the curve of your spine and tilt your pelvis forwards, which can lead to knee problems.

5.Adjust your car seatIt's an easy way to stop you from slouching and it also reduces the effects of the car's vibrations on your spine.

supportive mattress and pillow.

4.Make poor posture a habit Over time, the muscles and ligaments in your back lengthen or shorten to adapt to your poor posture, which makes it seem normal.

5.Twist your body getting out of the carInstead, turn your body towards the door, then put both feet on the ground and stand up.

wing with Voltarol Emulgel P

An answer for the joint pain and inflammation of osteoarthritis can help us keep on enjoying life to the full.

What is Voltarol Emulgel P?

A gel for topical application, containing diclofenac—a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID).

What is Voltarol Emulgel P used for?

To help relieve pain and inflammation in muscle and joint injuries such as sprains, strains, bruises, backache and tennis elbow. Voltarol Emulgel P is an effective first line treatment for mild to moderate pain of osteoarthritis(OA)—the wear-and-tear, most common form of arthritis.

Voltarol Emulgel P hits the spot.

As it is applied straight onto the skin, its powerful active substance-1.16% diclofenacdiethylammonium—targets the pain site directly, giving effective local relief.

Voltarol Emulgel P has been clinically proven to be as effective as 400mg oral ibuprofen for osteoarthritis of the fingers"

• Easy to get. Voltarol Emulgel P is available in an easy open 100g tube and easy flow 75ml dispenser, and can be used for up to 14 days under pharmacy supervision. Ask your pharmacist if it's appropriate treatment for you, and to check your progress.

• Easy to use. Voltarol Emulgel P's components —non-greasy, odourless cream and cooling gel—means it rubs in easily and penetrates thoroughly. The choice of new easy-to-open tube, or dispenser helps too.

• Easy go. Once discomfort is eased, you should be able to move more freely again. Physical activity is vital for flexibility and strong muscles, and helps protect the body from injury.

'It may be necessary to apply the gel for up to 7 days (to allow its effect to build up on the joint) before an improvement in pain is noticed. Suitable for adults and children over 12. Contains diclofenac diethylammonium. Always read the label.

Most wanted

Which of these fab beauty goodies would you like to see under the tree? Best start dropping some heavy hints now, says Jan Masters

Harajuku Lovers perfume is the perfect quirky gift

When I was in my teens,the choice of Christmas coffrets was pretty limited. There were those long plastic tubes housing spheres of coloured bath oils the size of gobstoppers (they dissolved in the manner of wine gums); the ubiquitous boxes of bath cubes that crumbled like giant anaemic Oxo; and let's not forget (or rather, let's) the aftershave nestling next to the novelty item for dad.

No longer. Now, the slickest, most gorgeous gift boxes are stuffed full of high-performing productsyou actually want. Now thatis a novelty.

One of my favourites thisyear is the Origins Greats set (E49)—half a dozen of its big beauty hits such as Modern Friction, a great facial scrub, and Ginger Soufflé Whipped Body Cream. For him, there'sOrigins Express Male(E29), a trio of shave perfectors and chin smoothers.

Clinique presents its iconic 3-Step Skin Care System in a transparent bag:Great Skin Home & Away(E60) even contains a travel-size set, too. Better Basics for Men(E27), meanwhile, is a core collection of Clinique Skin Supplies in a useable, understated case.

Foryounger giftees, a little flight of fantasy goes a long way. Check out colourful creations such as theHarajuku Lovers Blockbuster Set(E60, exclusive to Debenhams): five 10m1 Eau de Toilettes fronted bythe super-hip girls from Harajuku, inspired by Gwen Stefani's

BEAUTY

back-up dancers, housed in their very own Tokyo shopping mall.

For the young at heart, get intoThe Fab Lane by Benefit, £44.50—a beautifully illustrated vanity case, containing BADgaI lash mascara, complexion primer and their cult Hoola bronzer.

But for serious glamour, it's hard to beat Christian Dior's limited edition Dior Minaudiere,£59—a diminutive patent leather clutch in the famous houndstooth pattern. Christian Dior was inspired by the elegance of the Belle Epoque, and this kind of purse was the precursor to the handbag. In this modern version, a clasp opens to reveal three eyeshadows, two lip shades and a mirror. A modern collectible.

And if someone's up for spoilingyou, go for the Bobbi Brown Deluxe Travel Kit(£85). A roomy, easy-access case that organises your beauty essentials while on the move—it even has a detachable make-up bag. And not a bath cube in sight.

Get a head start

Try this trio of haircare products with a twist...

• Top hairstylist Lee Stafford has launchedI Hate My Hair The Day It's Washed Solution Spray (£5.99, Boots), specifically for those who love "second day hair" but want it "first day clean". Lee tells me he reckons as many as 50 per cent of women dislike the fluff of freshly washed hair, preferring a look that's a little more lived-in.

So Lee's produced this light spray—with wheat protein and sugar beet extract—so your style won't giveyou the slip.

• Paul Mitchell Express Ion Smooth 1.25, £89.95, features an Express Ion Complex derived from a blend of volcanic minerals infused into the heated plates. These deliver negative ions and infrared heat, helping to neutralise the electrical charge in hair to minimise static, prevent heat damage and leave hair feeling conditioned and controlled.

• With grey hair becoming a positive fashion statement —it's even been christened "Granny Chic"—Davines Alchemic Silver Shampoo(£13) andConditioner (£16.40) contain pure colour pigments specially selected to enhance natural grey or blend with pre-coloured hair, maintaining intensity and eliminating brassy tones. The formulations are also enriched with milk proteins for intensive, creamy conditioning.

I'M

Une Sheer Lips Balm(£7.99, Boots) has achieved that almost impossible balance between moisture and colour—neither at the expense of the other. Perfect for winter.

Christmas Survival Trick... for looking less tired in ten seconds flat!Apply concealer to the inner corner of the eye, especially to any blueness on the bone of your nose. Add a dab of highlighter under the brow.

STYLE A NEW YOU EVERY DAY. With wellafleX SILVIKRIN Heat Creations.

The new formula from the Wella experts ensures you get the best out of heat styling tools while protecting your hair.

Is your moneysafe?

The Financial Services Compensation Scheme (FSCS) is a last resort for UK customers if their bank goes bust. But just how well are your savings and investments protected?

The FSCS only covers authorised firms. This means any money saved in a bank or building society that isn't regulated by the Financial Services Authority (FSA) won't be protected. Find out if your bank is regulated by checking on the FSAwebsite, or the bank's website—it will say FSA-regulated.

How much money is protected?

Right now, the FSCS protects up to £50,000 of your savings per UKregulated institution. However, it has now said that this limit

may be increased to the sterling equivalent of £87,575 in the newyear.

What counts as a financial institution?

It's not always clear, as many banks have merged. So even if banks have different names they may still be part of the same financial institution. For example, ifyou have £50,000 with Alliance & Leicester and £50,000 with Cahoot, only £50,000 of your money will be protected as both are owned by Santander.

What is the FSCS compensation limit for investments?

As with normal savings, investments of up to £50,000 are protected per person per firm (although, again, be aware that this limit could be increased in the newyear).

However, it's very unlikely an investor would ever need to claim compensation from the FSCS, as there's additional protection in place.

If you save, say, £100,000 in a building society or bank,your money will go onto their balance sheet and become part of their assets. So if the bank goes bust and loses all its assets,you'll have lost all your money—aside from the £50,000 guaranteed under the FSCS.

However, when you invest in a fund, your money doesn't go onto the fund manager's balance sheet. Instead (under FSA rules) it's held separately by a custodian. This means if the fund manager goes bankrupt, the money is still safe.

Custodians tend to be run by major banks—either general banks such as HSBC or trust banks such as Northern Trust. They're supervised by the FSA, and the custodians have strict systems and controls in place to prevent fraud by their own staff. In the event of an investor incurring any losses as a result of fraud, the custodian would be held liable—so the full investment should be guaranteed.

If you invest through a fund supermarket platform, the platform acts as the custodian.

What if the underlying investment goes bust?

If it goes bust or performs badlyyou won't be entitled to any redress, as this is just the normal risk of investing. However, if you're mis-sold a fund—for example, if a fund manager sells a fund as low-risk when it isn't—you can complain to the Financial Ombudsman Service.

Renting a Room How to avoid lodger bother

Ever thought of renting a room out to help repayyour mortgage? You're not alone. The number of households taking in lodgers has risen by 15 per cent in the past three years—reaching levels not seen since the 1960s, according to LV= Home Insurance.

However, it doesn't come without problems. One in five lodgers has damaged property, according to LV= Home Insurance, and one in seven "lodger-lords" has had problems gettingtheir rent.

John O'Roarke, managing director of LV= Home Insurance, says: "Homeowners do need to be aware of their rights and responsibilities as a lodger-lord. Problem lodgers can be a real headache, so families should always inform their insurer before they let someone move in to their property, even if they're a friend." If you're considering taking in a lodger, here are five top tips from the UK's top flat- and house-share website*.

OTAX If you use the Rent a Room Scheme,you can earn up to £4,250 a year by taking in a lodger—without paying tax. If you don't currently fill out a tax return, you don't need to do anythingto claim the allowance; if you already fill out a self-assessment form,you can just tick a box on it. You'll need to declare anything over the limit. ►

INSURANCE

Make sure you letyour provider know before you take in a lodger—it may alter the terms of your agreement or make it invalid.

COUNCIL TAX AND BENEFITS

If you claim a single person's council tax discount or receive benefits you should check whatyour situation is, as taking in a lodger will probably affect what you're entitled to.

AGREEMENTS

Always get something in writing statingthe terms of your agreement. Inexpensive lodger agreements (such as Lawpack's, which are endorsed by the National Landlords' Association) can be downloaded online.

CHOOSING THE RIGHT LODGER

Always take your time finding a lodger—don't just take the first person who shows up. As you'll be living together, it's important to try and find someone whose lifestyle will fit in with yours. Don't be afraid to say you're seeing other people and that you'll let them know by a certain date.

Beat the rip-off retailers

Bought something that turns out to be faulty? Make sure you know which consumer rights laws you can call on to ensure you're not left out of pocket

The secret EU two-year rule

For consumers in the UK, if the goods you buy in-store aren't fit for purpose or as

described,you're entitled to a full refund under the Sale of Goods Act 1979.

You have to return the item within a reasonable period of time, but by law you have sixyears from the date of purchase to claim. That said, the law is complicated and it can be difficult to enforce—so be aware of the more clear-cut EU regulations. Under EU law, you have two years to request a repair or

replacement if your goods turn out to be faulty or aren't as advertised.

What you're NOT protected against

Although the majority of retailers offer a grace period of around 28 days during which you can return goods if you've changed your mind, you don't have a legal right to a refund just because you don't like the item—it has to be faulty.

You're also not protected against general wear and tear—retailers can't be expected to refund customers if the item breaks through normal usage.

Online protection

Believe it or not, you're actually entitled to more protection when you shop online than in-store.

In addition to the same rights as when you shop on the high street, under distance-selling regulations you get a seven-day "cooling-off period", during which you can cancel your order without any reason and receive a full refund.

You also have the right to demand a refund if your goods aren't delivered by the date you agreed (within 30 days if you didn't agree a date).

Credit card protection

If you buy goods or services (such as a flight) with a credit card, you're entitled to more protection than if you pay with cash or debit card.

Under Section 75 of the 1974 Consumer Credit Act, if you spend between £100 and £30,000, you have the right to seek redress from your credit card provider (in addition to the company that sold you the item) if your goods do not arrive or aren't "as described".

It's not thatyou get double the compensation (shame!), but it does mean an additional safety net if you can't get redress from the company in question. Say, for example,you buy

RD Money editor Victoria Bischoff is also a personal finance reporter at Citywire Money, an independent website* that helps people make the most of their money.

aflight and the company goes under, and neither the company noryour insurers will pay out. Your credit card provider will refund you the money asyou didn't receive the service—ie,you didn't get the flight.

CHRISTMAS TIP

If you know you'll need to put some of Christmas on credit this year,using a card that offers 0% on new purchases could save you a fortune. When you spend on a 0% card,you don't have to pay any interest on what you buy for a set period of time—compared with a regular credit card, which charges an average rate of around 18% APR. So provided you repay what you owe within the 0% offer period, you can spread out the cost of Christmas free of charge!

Seasonal shortcuts

Worried about d Christmas -I lunch?

Marco Pierre White shows us how to make turkey and the trimmings— without the tears

• Marco Pierre White is donating his fee for this column to Macmillan Cancer Support.

FOR STARTERS

The golden rule at Christmas is to buy the best qualityyou can afford. Start with smoked salmon— it's classic, and light enough that it won't spoil your main course. Go for either wild or organic and serve on crustless brown bread with some lemon—a tiny dollop of creamed horseradish will have people purring. Try potted shrimp if you don't like smoked salmon.

BUYING A TURKEY

It's well known that I have an association with Bernard Matthews— and one of the reasons is that their birds come at all prices, including free-range and organic. One mistake is to buy too big a bird, which ends up overcooked on the outside and undercooked inside, so ask the butcher to chop it up foryou. Cook the legs and thighs separately and put the stuffing under the thighs.

STUFFING

Simple! Make it with 50 per cent Paxo and 50 per cent sausage meat, then just add some fried onions and chopped parsley. This is an unbeatable, oldfashioned stuffing recipe that tastes great.

GRAVY

Put as much water as you need in a pan and bring to the boil. Whisk in chicken stock cubes— let your palate dictate how manyyou need. Then stir in cornflour to the thickness of your choice, adding as much gravy browning as you want to establish your preferred colour—remember:you're in charge!

After cooking the turkey legs and thighs, pour off the fat and add the boiling gravy to the sediment. Let it dissolve and then pour it back into another pan through a sieve. I add the chopped giblets to scent the gravy—it gives it a real festive kick.

BREAD SAUCE

Bread sauce is crucial and makingyour own is dead easy. I scald my milk together with a chickenstock cube, a bayleaf, an onion chopped in half and a dash of nutmeg. After removing the bayleaf and onion, just add the bread (it breaks up easily, so no need to purée). Finish with a bit of butter.

PERFECT ROAST POTATOES

Chop them into the shapes you want, place in cold water and bringto the boil. When they start to flake, put on a tray to dry;this is essential, but can be done the day before. Whatever you do, don't roast them when they're still wet— you'll lose half the flavour. Use clarified butter or sunflower oil to paint the tops, but don't turn them halfway through. Just let them do their thing. You want golden "shoes" at the bottom, crispy flakes on top. Season when cooked, not before.

SWEDE PURÉE

This perfect winter vegetable can be cooked partly in the microwave. Peel, dice and put in a bowl with a small amount of butter. Microwave for 12 minutes. Drain off the water and put the swede into a liquidiser,then season and add more butter. Gently re-heat and serve. An equally tasty alternative to swede? Braised red cabbage.

THE SPROUT DILEMMA

Let's face it, children tend not to like sprouts—and I don't blame them. But prepare sprouts this way and they'll change their minds. Buy frozen sprouts that have already been cooked, remove the outer leaves and then gently frythenn. As soon as they turn brown they're ready. Irresistible!

CHRISTMAS PUDDING

Frankly, buying one rather than makingyour own is my advice, because there are a lot of very

• good ones out there. Just

• add a few sixpences—by

2

- which I mean 5p coins. If

• your family doesn't like Christmas pudding, then

• serve sticky toffee pudding

• made with dates instead. The best recipe for this is

• by Francis Coulson—visit readersdigest.co.uk/

0 u links for more.

1- 0

MINCE PIE

Don't buy them readymade. Do ityourself—then you'll have control over how much mincemeat goes into each one. My experience of shopbought ones is that you get too much pastry and not enough mincemeat. Roll out puff pastry 0.6 cm thick and cut into circles. Spoon mincemeat onto each one and fold into a turnover—whatever shape you wish. Egg wash them just before cooking and bake at 220°C/400°F/ Gas mark 7.

When golden brown, leave to cool, dust with icing sugar and serve.

DRESSING THE TABLE AND OTHER USEFUL TIPS

My rule is to leave lots of space in the middle of the table for the vegetables. People should help themselves; it --44 brings everyone together and forces them to engage. And make sure the table is groaning with Christmas crackers. Most people serve red wine with turkey, which is fine, but I prefer accompanying it with real ale in a pint glass. Buy some stilton I and keep it at room temperature—don't put it in the fridge. And don't bother with pouring port into the cheese to keep it moist. It's best to let the stilton do its own thing, which means you get to drink the port. Happy Christmas to one and all!

My business is booze and bars—or, more specifically, cocktails. I starred in a BBC show about ten years ago called Shaker Maker.The concept was to invite myself into people's homes, see what they'd accumulated in their drinks cabinet and devise a range of drinks based on what I'd discovered.

Myfindings were that people accrue quantities of largely random products in these dark little caverns. And, by and large, they sit there gathering dust.

Then Christmas comes around, a time when people delve into their cabinets in an attempt to create

ocktailsthr

Cupboard

We've all got them—bottles of liqueurs that don't get touched from one Christmas to the next. But before you finally chuck them out, let Ben Reed show you how to put them to better use

PROOF OF A LONG LIFE

Most drinks will last for years if unopened. Open bottles of cream liqueurs, sherry and ports will fade quickly unless refrigerated. Most spirits should last indefinitely, even if open, so long as the cocktail cabinet isn't boiling hot or in direct sunlight.

something palatable with these drinks. Cue what I call cocktail roadkill!

The truth is, there are many recipes people can knock up with spurned spirits, without all the cocktail paraphernalia.

TakeAmaretto,an easy one. The Amaretto sour has long been a classic, and so simple to make at home. Take two parts Amaretto to one part fresh lemon juice. Use an eggcup or a shot glass if making for one, a wine glass if making for more. Add a dash ofAngostura bitters (go on, have a dig around in your cabinet and you'll find a bottle) and shake with ice in a large jar. Pour the ingredients into a whisky tumbler and garnish

with lemon zest (squeeze the zest, skin down, over the drink so the fruit's oils coat the surface).

This works with many fruit liqueurs—including Midori and Grand Marnier —and most spirits, though you'll need to also add three teaspoons of castor sugar if using a spirit.

• An ingredient that's often overlooked islime cordial.The Gimlet is a divine drink, perfect as a palate cleanser before evening meals or between courses. Take two measures of gin or vodka to one of lime cordial and shake hard. Serve "straight up" in a chilled wine or martini glass.

• Ifcream liqueursare what inhabit the darkest recesses of your cupboard, fear not! Cream liqueurs shouldn't be left in the corner at Christmas— they make great "hard shakes" when mixed in a blender with ice cream and a little milk.

Try Baileys or Tia Maria

with banana or raspberry ice cream, or add some of that poor neglected crème de menthe to a scoop of vanilla and chocolate.

• Many people don't know what to do with Cointreau,but it's actually the killer ingredient in many classic drinks. Shake two parts Tequila to one part of Cointreau and one of fresh lime juice and you have a Margarita. Switch the Tequila for vodka and add a dash of cranberry juice and the result is a Cosmopolitan. Shake two parts of cognac to one of lemon and Cointreau for a Sidecar.

Enough, surely, to pacify an entire family of tastebuds!

>> Ben Reed's most recent book isThe Cocktail Hour (£6.99).

>> Go to readers digest. co.uk/ magazine to see Ben mixing cocktails for RD.

Make merr

Tis the season to be jolly— and Will Lyons has selected the best tipples for toasting 2010

Christmas Day is my favourite day of the year—itmeans I can crack open those special bottles I've put aside. Most of us will be counting the pennies this year, so I've done the hard work for you and scoured the supermarkets and wine merchants for

the best deals. That doesn't mean they're the cheapest—but in terms of quality wine for a smart price, they're some of the best. For white wines, tryWaitrose's Sogrape Quinta de Azevedo 2009

Vinho Verde

(£6.35), which is light, fresh and perfect as an aperitif. A little easier on the wallet isAsda's South African Chenin Blanc 2010 (£4.48) with its abundance of grassy, zippy fruit. For reds, try Majestic's Chateau de Pennautier

2008 (£6.99, or two bottles for £10.99) from France's Languedoc —it's full of hedonistic notes. Another bargain from that part of the world is Laithwaites' Baron de Lagrezette 40th anniversary Cuvee 2005(£11.99).

As regards fizz, Cava and Prosecco are undergoing a renaissance— so what about going pink? Sainsbury's 2007 Taste the Difference Vintage Cava

Rosé Brut

(£6.99) is a wonderful, creamy tipple, while Marks & Spencer's Prosecco Zardetto NV

(£49.39 for a case of six) has enough energy to lift any occasion. Finally, for a warming digestif try Sainsbury's Taste the Difference 12-year-old Pedro Ximenez NV

Sherry(£6.86), which has a sweet, raisiny feel. Happy Drinking!

W McGarry and guide dog Skippy, 1930s

Guide

Dogs has been transforming lives for almost 80 years.

Will you be part of the next 80?

Since 1931, we have helped to create tens of thousands of life-changing partnerships between guide dogs and blind or partially sighted people. These partnerships have helped to restore people's independence, confidence and mobility. But without the generosity of people making gifts to Guide Dogs in their Wills, two thirds of these special partnerships would never have been possible. You could help us create even more guide dog partnerships in years to come. To find out how, please call Joette Emerton on 0845 603 1477, send back the form or email giftsinwills@guidedogs.org.uk

www.guidedogs.org.uk/giftsinwills

Please send me more information - including a free DVD - about leaving a gift to Guide Dogs in my Will

Title Name

Address .

Postcode

Telephone No.

Send your completed form in an envelope to: Joette Emerton, Freepost RSBC-ARYS-YATB, Guide Dogs Gifts in Wills Team, Chippenham SN14 6NG

arden

LSolutions

Bob Flowerdew answers your gardening questions

QI have a terrible problem with cats. I'm surrounded by neighbours, each of whom has at least one damned moggy (one has five!), and they all use my garden as a toilet. What can I do?

Al doubt you'll want to know this, but the best deterrent is to get a really big, ferociously territorial, mean-as-theycome cat of your own. As soon as it's loosed, the others will be gone and your pet will use the neighbouring gardens to mark out its huge territory. A small yappy dog can have a similar effect, but unfortunatelyyou'll have to clean up.

Alternatively, keep your garden wringing

wet—cats detest damp places, so an automatic movement-activated (or simply timed to come on frequently) sprinkler is remarkably effective.

nLast year I grew ‘1.4 dozens of different vegetables and had far too much all at once, but there's not much left to eat now. What do you suggest I grow for more sensible year-round provision?

ACarrots can be had much of the year if you sow early and often, as can rocket, radish, spring onions and looseleaf lettuces. Cabbages— hard white salad ones— can be grown from summer to autumn and stored under cover until spring. But from spring until summer, enjoy green spring cabbages instead, sown the previous July.

Onions can be had fresh from

late spring if sown the previous August, and stored onions—with shallots and garlic—can be had much of the year. Leeks can be enjoyed from autumn until spring, fresh from the ground. Hubbard and some other squash can be had from late summer and keep until late spring. Potatoes can be had from June until the following spring, if you grow both early and storing varieties.

Q1 have a huge rubber plant that's got too big. It has sentimental value but will it bleed to death if I cut it back, as someone told me?

AWell, itwill bleed (some AM.claim they can congeal the sap with a cigarette lighter or match), but as long as plenty of leaves remain, it will likely recover —especially if given a good watering and feed (and even re-potting if that's overdue). I'd wait until late winter or early spring before cutting it, though.

>> Bob Flowerdew is an organic gardener and a regular on BBC Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time.

JOBS FOR DECEMBER

Buy compact, inexpensive, containergrown,late-winter-flowering shrubs such as japonica (chaenomeles),forsythia, red-flowering currant and winter jasmine this month—bring them indoors onto a sunny windowsill to force them into cheerful earlyflower. But wait until the end of December to buy choice house plants, as they get much cheaperafter Christmas.

READER'S TIP

"Instead of using chemicals in your garden, try essential oils instead," suggests Lynda Peppercorn from Anglesey. "A few drops in a bottle spray with water can enhance plants and deter unwanted insects. Lavender, Peppermint, Thyme, Rosemary and Hyssop are all good."

>> Email your gardening tips and ideas—with photos, if possible—to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk. We'll pay £50 if we use them on this page.

There are even more gardening tips on our new website, readersdigest.co.uk! This month:Find out how to get a great container garden whatever the weather * get some hot ideas for December from our gardening bloggerJoanna Cruddas plus much more for free atreadersdigest.co.uk.

URBAN TREES

If you're interested in your local trees, the Natural History Museum in London would love your help.

Urban trees are vital for our wildlife, but very little is known about what's actually out there. So if you'd like to help the museum with its urban tree survey, go to readersdigest.co.uk/links.

Wildlife Watch

Martin Hughes-Games on creatures to keep an eye on over Christmas

REDWOOD ROOST

Introduced to the UK in 1853, the giant redwood has become a refuge to one of our most secretive birds— the treecreeper (left).

Treecreepers are easily mistaken for mice as they scuttle around tree trunks. If you have a giant redwood nearyou, can you see any small holes in the trunk with white stains beneath them?

Treecreepers have taken to digging out small depressions in the bark— about the size of half a boiled egg—then buryingthemselves head first in the tree at night (with their bottoms sticking out!). The white streaks are their droppings. There may be up to 20 treecreepers usingthe same tree—try huntingfor them over Christmas!

DESTRUCTIVE LITTLE DARLINGS

I was filming recently with a couple called Paul and Fiona, who were at their wits' end. Their house had been invaded by an unusual visitor—the edible dormouse (left).

All the UK's edible dormice are descended from a group of six that escaped from a private collection in Tring in 1902. Although cute, they are a nightmare—Paul's son discovered that his cricket kit had been chewed up, while Fiona had one leap out of her golf bag and shoot off down the fairway. The only respite comes when they hibernate—for a remarkable seven months of the year.

Edible—and a delicacy in Slovenia, appalently...

Martin Hughes-Games is a host of BBC2'sSpringwatch and Autumnwatch

Get your beak off my berries! A mistle thrush keeps an invader at bay

GUARDING OUR TRADITIONS

The beautiful red berries on the sprig of holly crowning your Christmas pudding are probably only there because of thrushes. In early autumn, holly berries are eaten by birds. But then, suddenly, that stops—the berries that remain are left untouched. What's happened?

A pair of mistle thrushes will have taken up residence nearby and claimed the entire tree for themselves, attacking any bird that tries to feed on it. But the thrushes won't feed on the berries themselves—notyet, anyway. They'll continue to forage on the ground, only turning to the berries in extremis (when the ground is covered in snow, for instance). The berries are the thrushes' insurance policy.

So, as you light the brandy and admire the holly sprig, spare a thought for the thrush who's been guarding the berries for you right up to Christmas Day.

Frontier Ski (020 8776

87o9") is a winter Canada specialist and can tailormake packages to Alberta.

holiday ever

Winning

a h pecioN. Joe Cushnan and his wife Irene fulfil an ambition to visit Canada—and overcome a fear along the w

Like many people, I have a long list of places I'd like to see before that final holiday in the sky. Canada featured highly, but I had given up hope of seeing it for several reasons, including redundancy, until I won a terrific prize to spend eight days in Alberta.

My wife Irene and I could choose our activities and, as we're more interested in sightseeing than winter sports, we opted for the Maligne Canyon ice walk, the Banff gondola cable car in the Canadian Rockies— and a dog-sleddingtrip.

I'm not comfortable

around dogs, so I was apprehensive about this. But the whole point was that the trip had landed in our laps just for answering a simple competition question—so we had an unexpected opportunity to do things that we might not have done otherwise.

For the dog-sledding, we arrived at the location north of Banff, and were greeted by a cacophony of barks and yelps. I could feel myself tense at the sight and sound of these powerful Alaskan huskies—but my fears were wiped away as we were encouraged to mingle

with the animals while the sleds were prepared. They were some of the happiest, friendliest dogs I've ever come across—hence my contented face as I pose as the musher in this photo with Irene.

And, given that the idea of most holidays is to relax and enjoy, I felt even better as we sat back and let the T, dogs take the strain through the breathtaking scenery. S'

•Send us a photo of your s; favourite holiday, tell us t briefly what made it so r;) special, and if we include it on this page we'll pay you £75. See address on p6.

Edited by Kate Pettifer

3GREAT ESCAPES for December

COOL BUILDING

Giving Scandinavia's frozen hotels a run for their money is the Romanian Ice Hotel, a 14-room set-up with an ice chapel attached, all carved from the frozen waters of Balea Lake. Untravelled Paths (0871 662 9521*) has five-day packages, from/ to Bucharest, including trips to the Saxon towns of Brasov and Sibiu, plus a night in the Ice Hotel, from £379pp. Flights with Wizz Air* start at £34 each way.

WALK IN A WINTER WONDERLAND

From the Tyrolean village of Trins, just south of Innsbruck, the walking paths of the Gschnitztal and Obernbergtal valleys pass through prettyAlpine woodlands. Headwater (01606 720199*) has seven nights' half board at a threestar hotel from £899pp, including return flights from

Fire and ice: Petra by candlelight and (below) the chapel at Romania's frozen hotel

Gatwick, guided walks and an afternoon tobogganing.

2011 HOTSPOTS

Jordan is booming in popularity as a safe Middle East destination with world-class sights. You can see Petra by candlelight on the eight-day Splendours tour by Cox and Kings (0207 873

5000*). Prices start at £1,795pp.

Nextyear it will be loo years since Hiram Bingham rediscovered Machu Picchu—so why not celebrate with a visit? Llama Travel (020 7263 30 0 01 offers alz-day trip to Peru from £1,249 pp.

And finally, let the Rugby World Cup be your excuse to explore New Zealand. Travelsphere (0844567 9959*) has a-16-day trip from £1,999pp.

WEBSITE of the month

octopustraveLcom

There's no shortage of hotel booking websites, but what's brought Octopus to our attention is its versatile but technophobe-proof features. Simply search for the location and dates you want, receive a shortlist in seconds—then filter by price, star-rating, neighbourhood or recommendation. If you want to try different dates, Octopus Travel automatically saves searches foryou to retrieve later. It has no hidden booking costs either, and 80,000 hotels to choose from.

THE RD CHALLENGE

Toss aside the mulled wine and re-engage your brain with six more mind-bending teasers from Mensa, the highIQ society. You're only allowed 20 minutes for the task, so get moving!

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Answer to November's question X12.

This month's winner: Marian Deane from Honiton, Devon

1. The names of four countries will be read when each segment finds its correct pair. What are they?

2. What should be the value of the fourth column?

168 123

3. For each of the following, find a word beginning with "i" with the same meaning as the given word. What are the words?

a) Deliberate

b) Motive

c) Casual

4. Rearrange the letters of SPICE IN ME to give something eaten at this time of year. What is it?

5. Which of the following numbers is the odd one out?

27 54 70 18 90 63

PRIZE QUESTION

Send us the answer to this question—the first correct one we pick on November 1 wins £50!* Email excerpts @readersdigest.co.uk

A man walks south for 3 miles

Then east for 3 miles

Then north for 2 miles

Then west for 1 mile

Then north for 1 mile

In which direction and for how far should he walk to return to his starting point?

The answer will be published in the December issue

SO HOW DID YOU SCORE?

One point for every correct answer

0-1 Brussels sprouts.Yuck!

2-3 Bread sauce.Acceptable, but not really a meal in itself.

4-5 Christmas pudding.Tasty, but a bit less than the sum of its parts.

MINDBODY & SPIRIT

>> The New Optimism: why the world is a very much better place to live in than you might think

Insider trading: your month-by-month guide to when to buy cheapest Harry Enfield, Stephen Tompkinson, James Brown, Lesley Garrett...and a few choice words from Bill Clinton

6 Turkey and all the trimmings. Gorge yourself—it doesn't happen every day! dam. SMALL, BUT PERFECTLY INFORMED

BEST BOOKS OF 2010

In imagining suitable books for all the family,I've started with the grandparents and worked down to the toddlers. But as not everyone fits into such neat categories, feel free to improvise. After all, there must be manygrown-ups who, like me, enjoy reading children's stories. Not onlythat, but the first person I met this year who'd read both Peter Mandelson's and Tony Blair's memoirs was a ten-year-old boy!

FOR GRANNY

In Deborah Devonshire'sWAIT FOR ME! (John Murray, £20), the youngest of the Mitford sisters finally gives us her autobiography. The wonderful old duchess, now all but blind, has had an extraordinary life—presiding over Chatsworth, one of the country's greatest palaces, and knowing everyone from President Kennedyto Alan Bennett. There's been a lot of sadness along

A N Wilson on what to buy book Lovers this Christmas the way—but what pluck, what wit, what charm. We shall never see her like again.

FOR GRANDAD

If he's political and likes a corkinggood read, he should enjoy Jonathan Fenby's THE GENERAL(Simon and Schuster, £30),

universally praised as the best biography yet of Charles de Gaulle in either English or French. The remarkable man who saved France was a difficult customer —but in every sense a giant. Fenby's book will revive memories of the war, the 1950s and of those days when the general's"Non" kept Britain out of Europe. I loved this one.

GENERAL CHARLES

1,fr.EgRINIellg

FOR DAD

Someone in the family is going to want to read it, so why not give it to dad? Tony Blair's A JOURNEY(Hutchinson, £25) must rank as one of the oddest political memoirs ever written. In parts, where he speaks of being guided by Destiny, it's on the verge of bonkers. Yet here was a man at the centre of things for a decade. Compulsively readable.

FOR MUM

For those who like thrillers, I'd recommend John le Carre's OUR KIND OF TRAITOR (Viking, £18.99), which is one of the Master's very best. The

Chatsworth (above), and its "wonderful old duchess" (right)

novel paints an extremely bleak picture of the modern age—and of Britain in particular—but it's also a real page-turner.

For those who prefer historical fiction, I'd suggest Annabel Lyon'sTHE GOLDEN MEAN(Atlantic, £14.99). This has been a best-seller in Canada, where its author lives, and is about Aristotle teaching the young Alexander the Great. But please don't think that makes for a difficult read. The result is as compelling as Mary Renault or the Robert Graves ofI, Claudius—a book it in some ways resembles.

FOR UNCLE

Although based on his Channel 4 series Monarchy, David Starkey'sCROWN & COUNTRY (HarperPress, £25) is much, much better than most Books of the Series—full of fascinating insights into the

monarchy today and its workings in British national consciousness, as well as of valuable historical sketches. Much of it is entirely fresh and original, too, as in the symbolism of pomegranates on Queen Elizabeth l's dress—a sign that, far from being the Virgin Queen at that stage, she longed to be fertile and have babies.

FOR AUNTIE

Trendy aunts who like innovative modern fiction should especially enjoy two books. One is the terrific graphic novel by Audrey Niffenegger,THE NIGHT BOOKMOBILE (Jonathan Cape, £16.99), about a woman who encounters, in the form of a battered old mobile library, the inside of her own reading history. The van contains everything she's ever read. An absolutely stunning and creepy book.

The second—which I wouldn't hesitate to give to anybody interested in what constitutes good writing—is Will Self's surrealWALKING TO HOLLYWOOD (Bloomsbury, £17.99). This is a mindblowing piece of writing, which veers between memoir, fantasy, travel writing and first-class journalism. Self is the best British writer alive, in my opinion, and this is among his finest works.

AND FOR ANY ADULT...

It's hard to resist two wonderful Funnies. Craig Brown's parodies of famous people's diaries make me laugh out loud, the more so because he so often doesn't have to alter very much from the originals—whether they are Heather Mills McCartney, Clive James or Tony Blair. Every household should have hisTHE LOST DIARIES (Fourth Estate, £18.99). And for old time's sake, there's also the late Auberon Waugh. William Cook has compiled a "Best of Waugh" anthology with the silly title ofKISS ME, CHUDLEIGH (Coronet, £19.99), but, goodness, reading it makes you long fora journalist who could comment on the present scene with a comparable degree

Kiss Me, Chudleigh of coruscating WORI, ,1111,31,. cruelty and wit. AUBERON WAUGH

FOR CHILDREN

I wish I had more room for children's books, but I can heartily recommend two.

David Almond's MY NAME IS MINA (Hodder, £12.99) is the prequel to his 1998 novelSkellig, a book that everyone should read. The new one is about a girl whose notebooks, well, sort of come to life. It is superb about the nature of the imagination and, although aimed at

William Cook

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the 9-12s, could be enjoyed by any age group.REVOLUTION (Bloomsbury, £10.99), Jennifer Donnelly's second book for teenagers, is a spellbinding tale of two cities and two eras, as Andi from present-day New York gets involved with Scarlet Pimpernel adventures rescuing victims of the Terror in Revolutionary France. It gripped me for two days of fear, admiration and delight.

FOR THE VERY YOUNG

Here again we're spoiled for choice— because we live in agolden age of picture books.THREE BY THE SEA(Cape, £10.99), by Mini Grey, is the tale of a cat, a mouse and a dog living together in a beach hut. A beautifully drawn, humorous story about the difficulty of family life and how to get through squabbles and crises.

Emma Dodson'sSPECKLE THE SPIDER (Walker, £10.99) is great fun, too, with all sorts of hidden things in flaps and envelopes to accompany the story. You'll love reading it to a child.

Oliver Jeffers' books have won many awards. His latest,UP AND DOWN (Harper Collins, £10.99), is the sequel to Lost and Found, about a boy's friendship with a penguin, which became an awardwinning animation as well. It definitely won't disappoint his fans.

RD BOOK CLUB

Each month, we invite you to read our recommended paperback and let us have your comments and marks out of ten. Our professional critic A N Wilson then reads the same book and we report on how your views compare with his.

DECEMBER'S CHOICE

Kate Summerscale's The Suspicions of Mr Whicheris the true story of one of Victorian Britain's most celebrated murder cases. When Saville Kent, aged three, had his throat cut in his own home in June 1860, the killer could only have been a member of the household—turningthe plot into a genuine whodunnit. Baffled, the local police sentfor Mr Whicher of Scotland Yard...

THE VERDICT

Well, it certainly looks as if you're fans of Victoriana. Last month,Jane Eyre brought the most unanimous set of rave reviews we've ever had—and this month Mr Whicher wasn't far behind.

On the face of it, the book's enormous recent success might seem a bit surprising. After all, not many other works of careful historical scholarship—with some serious thoughts about the Victorian novel thrown in—have romped to the top of the bestseller lists. Book Club members, though, definitely shared the general enthusiasm.

Of course, as most people noted, Kate Summerscale did well to pick such a terrific story in the first place. Even so, you all agreed that she told it brilliantly, giving us the page-turning excitement

For more book reviews and to add comments of your own, please go to readersdigest.co.uk/ magazine of a thriller, but with the added satisfaction that everything here had really happened. "This is a splendid representation of an amazing tale," said Mary Heaney of the Wirral, speaking for many. "The most striking feature of the book is that it's based on true events."

Several of you also thought that, in some ways, the long-lost world of the Kents was oddly familiar. As A N Wilson wondered in his own rave review, "Is our approach to the murder of children any less sensationalist—or any less classbound—than the Victorians'?"

And so, for the second month running, our tough old pro awarded the Book Club selection a firm 10/10. Your average was 8.5—with the odd dissenting voice feeling that there was sometimes too much detail.

Our Critic of the Month is John Andrews from London, who wins a £100 book token for capturing the book's wide-ranging appeal.

"I've never read a book quite like it—an amazing real-life drama, a fascinating delve into Victorian life and a great detective story. It must be difficult to make a nonfiction book read like fiction, but Kate Summerscale really pulls it off.

"The murder mystery gripsyou from the start and there's a real sense of tension as the family's veneer of respectability is peeled awayto reveal all sorts of secrets. The characters are well drawn and absorbing—none more so than Jack Whicher, a clever, hard-working detective ahead of his time. It's easy to see how the

case grabbed the nation's attention and inspired Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins to create their fictional detectives.

"There can't be many books that can entertain, shock and teach you so much, all at once. I can't recommend it highly enough."

COMING UP

January Pies and Prejudice by Stuart Maconie (Ebury, £7.99)

FebruaryWhen Will There Be Good News? by Kate Atkinson (Black Swan, £7.99) And new for March...

One Day by David Nicholls (Hodder, £7.99). A funny and touching literary romcom—and the biggest word-ofmouth hit of 2010.

How well does Nicholls combine the comedy with his more serious points?

Does any of the book remind you of your own life?

Please send your comments and marks out of ten by January 15. (The

Kate Atkinson deadline is December 15.)

Comments, thoughts and reviews of all kinds and lengths are welcome. Write to RD Book Club, Reader's Digest, 157 Edgware Road, London W2 2HR, or email bookclub@ readersdigest.co.uk. In return, we'll give a £100 book token to the Critic of the Month and publish their verdict—in edited form—here. Happy reading!

BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

One of Britain's most respected stars of screen, stage and TV, Anna Massey has won an Olivier award and a Bafta, and received the CBE in 2004. Her career has taken her from Michael Powell's Peeping Tom (1960) to the BBC's Tess of the D'Urbervilles (2008).

BLACK BEAUTY

by Anna Sewell

I wasn't particularly interested in horses as a child, but Black Beautytranscends the equestrian world—it's just as much about human nature and the forces of good and evil. It was the first book I read by myself. It taught me the power of entering an imaginary world and how that can take over your reality. I remember sitting on the stairs and howling when I'd got to the end because it was unbelievably sad, and I'd come to care so much for the characters. A wonderful book can unclutter your egotistical cupboard and put you in touch with your emotions.

Black Beauty

JANE AUSTEN: A BIOGRAPHY

by Elizabeth Jenkins

I'd shirked biographies until my late twenties, feeling that, because we tend to know what happens in the end, they have

a certain finite quality. But they also give you an enormous insight into different lives and periods of time, which then illuminate your own.

Vb. Having read all of Jane Austen's novels, I found this book brought her to life. It was very rare for a woman of that era to write openly under her own name, to be such a free spirit and to have success in her own lifetime. Biographies became an integral part of my reading, so I'm very grateful to Elizabeth Jenkins for sending me down this wonderful literary path.

IN SEARCH OF LOST TIME

by Marcel Proust

I think these volumes must change the lives of everybody who reads them. When I was given a beautiful edition it encouraged me to dive in, and it really did feel as if I were holding my breath and going to the bottom of the ocean. It took me nine months to finish them all; I'd spend weekends alone with the phone turned off and go for long walks to reflect on what I'd read. I had a profound sense of achievement on finishing them—but the impact they made on my attitude to life was deeper still. I found them completely uplifting.

As told to Caroline Hutton

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

Michael O'Leary, head of Ryanair,goes into a bar in Dublin and asks for a pint of Guinness. The barman says, "That'll be one Euro please, Mr O'Leary."

Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replies, "That's a very competitive price," and hands over his money.

"Would you be wanting a glass with your Guinness, sir?" enquired the barman. Andrew Berry, Lincoln

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive

seen on Twitter

As I pulled back the ring pullon my can of beer, I heard a voice say, "Hello." I thought to myself,It must be the drink talking. seen on the internet

Fiona Peeke, Beckenham, Kent

"They didn't have any room either, but I did get you a sandwich..."

I went for dinner with the Society for People with Big Foreheads the other day. It turned out to be a really highbrow affair. Peter Demetriou, Buckinghamshire

Little Johnny was always pestering his dad to take him to the zoo.

After some pestering from Johnny's mum, he finally relents. After returning from the day

out, mum asks Johnny if he's had a good time.

"Oh yes," said Johnny, "and Dad had a wonderful time too—especially when one of the animals came in at 30 to one."

Joseph Stokoe, Durham Without geography, you're nowhere seen on Twitter

The American Adventure pavilionat Walt Disney World, Florida, is full of inspiration— but this little girl wasn't impressed... Maggie Cobbett, Ripon, North Yorkshire

HOW RUDE!

It might be cruel to laugh, but unintended innuendos are one of the greatest sources of humour in everyday life. Russell Ash has compiled an encyclopedia of history's funniest double entendres, It Just Slipped Out (Headline, £9.99), exposing the gaffes of policitians, actors and writers alike.

Advertising (Lack of) Standards

Over the decades, a number of marketing campaigns have produced memorable double entendre slogans, including: ■ Drink Canada Dry (Canada Dry ginger ale)

Birds Eye Battered Cod Pieces

It's what your right arm's for (Courage beer) Size matters. It's what you do with it that counts (Renault cars)

Barmy broadcasting "And now the Queen's gone round the bend."

Broadcaster Henry Riddell, commentating on a royal procession

Bond: the man with the golden pun?

James Bond (Roger Moore): "I am now aiming precisely at your groin. So speak, or forever hold your piece." TheMan with the Golden Gun (1974)

You've

gotta be Jospin

On July 24, 1998, French Prime Minister Lionel Jospin visited Tony Blair in his Sedgefield constituency. In a press conference, Blair exercised his mastery of French by remarking, "J'ai toujours envie de Lionel de toutes les facons"—"I fancy Lionel in every way." More double entendre thanentente cordiale.

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

At a recent job interview, I was asked, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"

I said, "Well my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality— telling what's real from what's not."

The interviewer went on, "OK, and what are your strengths?"

"I'm Batman." seen on the internet

Joe was passing farmer James's hayshedone day when, through a gap in the door, he saw James doing what looked like a slow and sensual striptease in front of his old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched, he slowly pirouetted, first to the left, then to the right, before hunching shoulders forward in classic striptease style

Cracking jokes for a merry Quipmas

Sick of rubbish cracker jokes that make you groan instead of grin? Comedian Tim Vine, master of the one-liner, has chosen his top 12 gags for you to cut out and pop in your Christmas crackers

Tim Vine's new book The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book (Century, £9.99) and his DVD Punslinger—Live (£19.99) are out now

and letting his braces fall to dangle at each side of his corduroys. Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt, he ripped it apart to reveal his tea-stained vest and, with a final flourish, he hurled his cap onto a pile of hay.

James," said Joe, "What are you doing?"

"Oh," said an obviously embarrassed James. "Well, lately me and the missus have been having a bit of ►

I was invited to a party. On the invite it said, "Look smart". So I turned up in a lab coat holding a test tube.

This bloke said to me, "What do you think of Hello! Magazine?"

I said, "It's OK."

I've been living with this woman for some time. She's quite a bit older than me and we don't get on. It's my mum.

My girlfriend got in the car and her tights ripped, so I gave her the fan belt.

trouble in the bedroom department, so my therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor!"

Charles Gray, Glasgow

My favourite cocktail ever is: take a bottle of Tanqueray... and add a straw.

Comedian Laura Mannino

I'm not lazy—it's just that I have a very active dream life, so I have to be there a lot

Comedian

Sarah Silverman

Last night I put everything I owned on one horse. It squashed it.

I bought some Bermuda shorts, and when I took them off my pants had vanished.

My father is a soldier. He's not a real soldier. He's a thin strip of buttered toast.

I rang the local swimming baths. I said, "Is that the local swimming baths?" He said, "Depends where you're calling from."

"Fancy a swift one?"

I went down the ice cream shop. I said, "I'd likeanice/rcer remember emm ." bHeerstahide,f"iHrsutnd thred n s gnalnd y thousamndusm?" asaid saididw,"hWeen i "We'll bwole with one."

said, "Ah, / was expecting You."

So 1 went to a watch shop. I said, "I wanna buy a watch." He said, "Analogue?" I said, "No, just the watch."

Isn't it annoying when you're trying to kill a fly and he thinks you're applauding him?

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

"What?"

My wife said,"Rob, I'd love to have children." Now I'll be honest—I wasn't sure. Did I want to go through it all again? The lifting, the carrying, the mopping up of the spillages? And that's just when you're trying to conceive the child. Comedian Rob Brydon

You know you're having a bad hair daywhen people stopyou on the street and ask ifyou do children's parties. Luke Jones, Ruthin, Denbighshire

I saw a man with a board that said, "Repent for you're sin's, the end of the world is nigh". I thought, That's a bad sign. Comedian Gary Delaney, by Twitter

Tweets from the Dark Side

Ever wondered whatStar Wars villain Darth Vader's innermost thoughts are? It's unlikelyyou'll ever know, because he doesn't really exist, of course—but he does have an amusing impersonator on Twitter...

Alarm clock is seriously slow this morning. Good thing I never have to decide what to wear.

!tried going on Undercover Boss a while back, but the breathing gave me away.

1,000th tweet corning up soon. Haven't felt this much pressure since Palpy sealed me in the suit.

Anyone spoils the Top Cheffinale for me and your planet gets it.

The good news is I'll soon have my 200,000th follower. The bad news is they'll have to be made an example of.

Having realisations of grandeur.

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BOOK PUBLISHING

BEAT THE CARTOONIST

WIN £200 AND A SIGNED ILLUSTRATION

S Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the comedy experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-December alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite and if your entry gets the most votes, you'll receive £200 and the original, signed drawing. Submityour captions to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 6 by December 10. You can also enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption. We'll announce the winner in our February issue.

OCTOBER'S WINNER

Another triumph for the cartoonists this month. Paul Wood beat off the readers' challenge with, "What do you mean you haven't got a crèche?" Broken Britain was a popular theme for entries, with the resident DJ, some unnamed man in the club or the bouncer himself being implicated in the illegitimate birth of the unfortunate baby.

Digest

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Simply go to www.readersdigest.co.uk/photo and let us do it for you. We'll print outyour photos in the size and finish of your choice and get them to you right away. Or why not turn them into gifts and keepsakes in a whole range of exciting ways:

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Reader's est

CHRISTMAS PUZZLES

Not quite ready to walk off that heavy Christmas dinner yet? Then why not get stuck in to our special puzzles section, instead-18 pages of fun for all the family!

MISSING NUMBERS

Your task in this section is simple, but not always easy: study the numerical patterns and sequences, and fill in the missing number for each

1 NUMBER SQUARE MEDIUM

The number missing from this sequence is represented by x. What should it be?

3 WHAT'S THE TIME? MEDIUM

The fourth clock is missing its little hand. To which number should it be pointing?

2 NUMBER SQUARE 2 MEDIUM

Once again, a number has fallen off our number square.

x

4 STEPPING STONES

What number is x on the smallest stepping stone?

For solutions to puzzles, go to page 254

5 NUMBER TARGETS MEDIUM

The middle panel on the central target has no number. What does x stand for?

6 AMAZING NUMBER MAZE HARD

Starting at the top left-hand square, move from square to square horizontally and vertically—but not diagonally —to find your way through the maze and uncover a familiar sequence of numbers. The exit is through the top right square.

8 MATHS BADGES MEDIUM

7 PIZZA POSER MEDIUM

A bored maths student who worked nights in a pizzeria took to numbering the slices of pizza she sold according to a clever sequence. Here one slice of pizza is missing its number. What should x be?

These lapel badges were issued to delegates of the World Arithmeticians' Congress. But the second badge from the left is missing one of its numbers. What should x be?

9 UMBRELLA TROUBLE HARD

Amaths teacher bought herself an umbrella which, when opened Looked like this from above. Can you help her identify the x on her brolly?

LEXICONFUSION

33 ALTERCATION

fierce argument

B changing around

C taking turns part of a church

34 CHUNTER

A railway engine

B to mutter

C to vomit

D small fraction

35 CONY

A rabbit

B ice cream

C comfortable

D hilltop

36 CORSAIR rude song

B powerful drug

C pirate ship

D dead body

37 CREEL Lentil soup

Scottish dance

C narrow coastal inlet

D fisherman's wicker basket

38 INSENSATE lacking feeling Lacking intelligence lacking food overfed

39 JELLABA hooded cloak sugary sweet Arab tent desert rat

40 JONGLEUR French game fortune teller jealous person medieval minstrel

41 KELP

A small barrel

B seaweed

C Scotsman's skirt anger

42 KRAKEN alarm call Legendary sea monster broken into pieces unit of electricity

43 KUMMEL desert animal meteorite

Jewish holiday Liqueur

44 BACILLUS

A tobacco pouch

B microscopic organism

C Roman emperor board game

45 CONTUMACY

A wilful disobedience

B reckless overeating

C mindless rage

D heat exhaustion

46 CYCAD

A young swan

B plant resembling a fern

C curdled milk

D one-eyed giant

47 DECALOGUE

A animated conversation

B jury of ten people

C unit of measurement

C the ten commandments

48 FLOCCULENT flecked flighty fluffy fluky

49 HORNBEAM

A exotic bird

B powerful light

C cow's width hardwood tree

50 HYSSOP

speech defect

aromatic mint small Lake rabbit's burrow

511CHOR blood of the gods

B yak's milk

C distant galaxy

D wooden chair

52 LANGUR

A long-tailed monkey

B weariness

C region of Switzerland bright light

53 MARABOU

A Islamic hermit

B African stork

C Indian buffalo

D Navajo canoe

54 METACARPUS

A transformation

B type of cactus

C horse's back palm of the hand

PICTURE PERFECT

Is a picture worth a thousand words? Try to work out the message in each of these images or combination of images

PUZZLE 1 - SOLUTION

5 1 8 6 4 7 3 2 9

7 3 2 1 9 5 8 6 4

6 9 4 3 2 8 5 7 1

8 5 9 2 7 3 1 4 6

3 7 6 4 1 9 2 5 8

2 4 1 8 5 6 7 9 3

1 6 7 5 8 4 9 3 2

9 2 3 7 6 1 4 8 5

4 8 5 9 3 2 6 1 7

PUZZLE 2 SOLUTION

2 9 1 4 7 8 6 5 3

8 4 3 5 6 1 9 2 7

5 7 6 2 9 3 1 8 4

1 8 7 9 2 4 3 6 5

6 3 4 1 8 5 7 9 2

9 2 5 6 3 7 4 1 8

3 1 9 8 4 2 5 7 6

4 5 2 7 1 6 8 3 9

7 6 8 3 5 9 2 4 1

116 anal x 014 LLU011.61_11.

sieuobeip >pep aw. 4o uTog• :pawadal euou

'slatawnu eup llP sal

saxoq aun. uoe . 'wag;4o Aue 6upeadw

Tnouwn (6-I) sialawnu eup

Tie supwoo uwmoo leoqien pue Mal le11.104.10L1 AJeA] •

:1.014 os wenbs uoee u! 6 041 wwliaqwnu ;rid m emu no/C 'up\A of

nine numerals, none repeated. If you want more of a challenge, try timing yourself.

If you solved it within:

•15 minutes, you're a true expert;

•30 minutes, you're no slouch either;

•60 minutes or more, maybe numbers aren't your thing.

BRAIN TRAINERS

How good is your memory? Close observation and the ability to process information quickly will help you in this section

65 COLOURFUL MEMORIES

In a variation of the traditional and much-loved parlour game, we've collected a colourful plateful of 15 objects to commit to memory. Study the objects for three minutes, then cover the page. How many can you recall? Do any of the colours stick in your mind? Do they help or distract you? Now sketch the plate and try to position the objects from memory.

66 THE CORNERS OF YOUR MIND

Here you'll see 25 unconnected objects arranged in random order. As before, study the page for three minutes before covering up. How many can you remember?

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

Ask the family: divide up into teams and see who can answer the most questions—of varying degrees of difficulty!—in eight different categories

SCIENCE

67 Which scientist is famous for his theories of relativity?

68 What was the name of the project, headed by J Robert Oppenheimer, to create the first atomic bomb?

69 Who discovered the antibiotic drug penicillin?

70 What is the name of the amplifying semi-conductor device contained in all modern electronic devices?

71 In 1990 a space telescope named after an American astronomer was launched. What is its name?

RECORD BREAKERS

72 Which is the longest species of snake?

73 Name the world's highest mountain.

74 One species of whale is the Largest of all extant animals, measuring 110 feet in length Which one?

75Which planet is the largest in the solar system— more than 1,300 times the volume of the Earth?

76 Which animal has an eye that can grow to over 15 inches in diameter?

77 Name the largest country in South America.

LITERATURE

78Who was the 19th-century US writer whose novels about family Life, such as Little Women, caused a sensation when first published?

79What is the name of the young hero raised by wolves in Rudyard Kipting's Jungle Book volumes?

80 In his 15thcentury account of the life of King Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory described the archetypal wizard. What's the wizard's name?

81. Scarlett O'Hara is the heroine of Margaret Mitchell's epic Gone With the Wind. Name the period of US history that provides the backdrop for the noveL

THE OLYMPICS

82 Which 100m champion was stripped of his gold medal at the 1988 games after failing a drugs test?

83Which Roman emperor banned the Olympic Games?

84 Which city hosted the 1928 games?

85 An Olympic biathlon tests which two sporting disciplines?

86 Britain's Sebastian Coe won gold medals in the 1,500m in 1980 and 1984. Who was his arch-rival?

87The Olympic Games were not held during the Second World War. Where were the 1948 games held?

For solutions to puzzles, go to page 254

EMPIRES

88 Edward Gibbon chronicled the decline and fall of which ancient empire?

89 Constantinople (modern Istanbul) was at the heart of the empire ruled by Justinian the Great in 527-565. But what was the empire's name?

90 The pyramids were burial chambers for the kings and queens of which North African empire?

91The empire based at Troy in Asia Minor was brought down when a Greek army overwhelmed the city. But what device did the Greeks use to breach Troy's defences?

MUSIC

92 Which composer suffered from progressive deafness and was almost totally deaf near the end of his career?

93Name the singer-songwriter and founder member of The Beatles who was assassinated in 1980.

94 The Marriage of Figaro, The Magic Flute and Don Giovanni are operas by which Austrian composer?

95 In 1899 Scott Joplin developed a distinctive style of jazz which took the US by storm. What was it called?

HOLLYWOOD

96 Actress Tippi Hedren was discovered by Alfred Hitchcock. What was the first Hitchcock film in which she starred?

97 Which Hollywood personality, when asked, "How many husbands have you had?" replied, "You mean, apart from my own?"

98The film Some Like it Hot starred Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon. But who played the part of the gangster Spats Colombo?

99 In 1975 an unlikely tale of a giant shark called Jaws broke all previous box-office records. Who directed the film?

ANIMAL WORLD

100 Which amphibious Australian mammal lays eggs?

101Which mammal is the swiftest runner over short distances?

102 The ears of the African elephant can be about three feet wide. Apart from improving the elephant's hearing, what other purpose do they serve?

103Which animal, found throughout Africa, Asia, parts of Europe and South America, is covered with protective quills?

CROSSWORDS

104 FLYING COLOURS

The clues are standard, but the Letters in the coloured squares are an anagram of a famous 34 down.

ACROSS

I Crept quietly (5)

S Common practice (5)

5 34 downwho hasn't taken vows (3-6)

Overshadow (7) 28 Stringed instrument (5)

Press together (5)

More spacious (5)

DOWN

Yellow-green colour (5) 3 Young man (3)

Glancing at (6) 5 Order or decree (6)

Electrical unit (3) 25 Noel— British song-writer (6)

Situated within 10 Confidential

(5)

Goddess of the moon (5)

German city in the

Greatest (6) -a building (6)

View (3)

Piercing cry (6) 11Rendezvous (5) Ruhr (5)

(5)

Rental contract (5) 12Short beginning (5)

Substitute (9)

Awaken (5)

Beginning (5) 13 Primp (5)

Correct (5)

Artist's stand (5)

Member of religious 18Slow mollusc (5)

Legends (5)

At no time (5) order (3) 10 Stir ()

Relation by marriage atiFilthy place (3)

22 Sticks out (4) (2-3) 23 South African prairie (5)

Not well (3)

105 QUICK CRYPTIC

Now for a tougher challenge. How quickly can you solve this purely cryptic crossword?

ACROSS

1 Drew a weird water bird (5)

4 Puck initially tried beer? An unlikely story! (5-4)

9 Layabout British king in the endless maze (9)

10Direction followed by healthy sea creature (5)

11Unseen danger—mine comes before autumn (7)

12Unable to see, bend lid out of shape (7)

13 Leisure wear comes from his pool, right? (4,5)

16Sounds like denims are inherited (5)

18 Upset saver goes wild (5)

20Communist workman and Edward caught in the act (3-6)

22Slaughter horse in trouble (7)

23Murder a broken membrane (7)

25Odd rock contains nothing for criminal (5)

26Tin I aim to turn into counterfeit (9)

27False report is about Hawaiians, for instance (9)

28Girt gets round terrible start and continues (5)

DOWN and grounds (9)

1 Stick-on decoration might make lapel warp (9)

2 I enter obligation to charge (5)

3 Again studies funny red ears (7)

4 Some proof in a letter is decisive (5)

5 Enid is confused about nun's costume that's occupied (9)

6 After a year, canopy is showing signs of tiredness (7)

7 One died after a group gave up (9)

8 Correct me climbing over limit (5)

14City dweller put into common fund (9)

151see trail Leads to Old Testament character (9)

17Rising southern tides engulf men

19Can elks possibly relax? (7)

21Ventilate armour for overseas posting (3,4)

22Though bill is under a hundred, it's returned by prickly customers (5)

23Sends forth second time around (5)

24Checks rules, by the sound of it (5)

SOLUTIONS TO PUZZLES

1 NUMBER SQUARE

X = 3. Looking across each row, the numbers progress: +a -4, +3. Looking down each row, the numbers progress: +4,-3, +4

2 NUMBER SQUARE 2

X = 4. Looking both across and down, the sum of each pair of numbers is one greater than that of the previous pair. For example, looking across row 1 we find 2 + 3 (=5) and 4+ 2 (=6), while looking down row 1 we find 2 + 7 (=9) and 5 + 5 (=10)

3 WHAT'S THE TIME?

12. Taking the clock faces in order, the totals produced by adding the numbers to which the two hands point progress as follows:6,12,18,24

4 STEPPING STONES

X = 8. The totals on each stepping stone left to right should be:5,6,7 and 8

5 NUMBER TARGETS

X = 16. Reading down target 1, the numbers increase by 9 in each

MIND STRETCHERS PUZZLES

There's nothing quite like a good selection of puzzles to help you relax, enjoy yourself and, best of all, keep that brain in tip-top condition!

square. In target 2 they increase by 6 in each square and in target 3 by 3 in each square

6 AMAZING NUMBER MAZE

Follow the route shown below to unravel the sequence 4, 8, 12, 16, 20, 24, 28, 32, 36

with (3) and travelled clockwise, jumping one segment at a time and adding 1, then 2, then 3. The sequence she created was 3,4,6,9,13

8 MATHS BADGES

7 PIZZA POSER

X=13. Our student started

X = 7. Take the number formed reading clockwise in each circular badge to form the following left-to-right sequence: 199,217,219,221,225. Each total increases by twice the value of the top digit on each badge:199 + 18(2 x9)=217.217 +2(2x1)= 219 and so on

Reader's Digest Mind Stretchers collection guarantees you a host of NEW puzzles: crosswords, word searches, sudoku, mazes, codewords, instant brain teasers, logic challenges, PLUSjokes, quotes, tips and plenty of surprises to keep you amused! See how quickly your puzzle-solving skills improve as you train your brain with this INGENIOUS collectable series.

SIMPLY...A GREAT WAY TO SHARPEN YOUR MIND— AND KEEP IT THAT WAY!

For our regular Mensa puzzles, turn to page 218. And if you need more brain training, go to our website where we have plenty more puzzles for you to crack, including SuDoku, Crosswords and our legendary Word Power challenge. Log on to readersdigest.co.uk/fun-and-games.

9 UMBRELLA TROUBLE

X = 31. Start at the lowest number (6) and work clockwise, adding progressive odd numbers each time and jumping two segments at a time to unravel the sequence:

6(+1)7(+3)10(+5)15(+7) 22(+9)31(+11)42

LEXICONFUSION

100 16B 22D

11A 17c 23A

12c 186 24B

13A 19c 25c

14B 20D 26c

15D 21c 27B

28D 37D 46 B

29B 38A 47D

30c 39A 48 c

31B 40 D 49D

32 A 41 B 50 B

33 A 42 B 51A

34B 43D 52 A

35A 44B 53 B

36c 45A 54ID

WHERE ON EARTH?

55 China (chin + A)

56 Turkey

57 Finland (F in land)

58Uganda (ewe + gander)

59 Antarctica (ant + ark + ticker)

60 New Zealand (news + eel + and)

Try your first volume for just £13.99 (plus £3.99 postage and handling).

If you enjoy it (and were convinced that you will) you need do nothing to receive further books for the same tow price—you can look forward to 350 NEW BRAIN TEASERS in every compelling new volume. We space them out evenly about every seven weeks, so you need never again be without a clever conundrum or a witty word game to keep your brain in good shape.

CINEMA

GREATS

61 Jack Lemmon (jack + lemon)

62 Beau Bridges (bow + bridges)

63 Orson Welles (oars + on + welts)

64 Roman Polanski (row + man + pole + and + ski)

SUDUKO SOLUTIONS ON SUDUKO PAGES

65 COLOURFUL MEMORIES

•Nail varnish bottle

•Gift bow

•Zip

•Pen

•Screwdriver

•Trumpet

•Feathers

•Small bowl

•Fire engine

•Peg

•Purse

•Watch

•Teddy bear

•Brass ring

•Button

Crossword puzzles.... sudoku...mazes..., word games

Call. 0871 351 1000*, quoting reference 042, and try Mind Stretchers PUZZLES today!

*Lines open: Mon—Fri, 8am-6pm; Sat, 8am-1pm. Calls from a BT landline will cost 9p per minute; call costs from other providers mayvary.

SOLUTIONS TO PUZZLES

66 THE CORNERS OF YOUR MIND

•Plug and • Marble

chain • Hairband

•Scissors • Dice

•Vase • Thread

•Screw • Spectacles

•Half-moon • Lightbulb

•Sweet • Egg

•Padlock • Aeroplane

•Heart keyring

•Rings • Spanner

•Fish • Lipstick

•Keys • Candles

•Shells • Beaded

•Safety pin necklace

SCIENCE

67 Albert Einstein

68 The Manhattan Project

69 Alexander Fleming

70 Transistor

71The Hubble Telescope RECORD

72 Reticulated python

Mount Everest

74 The blue whale

75 Jupiter

76 The giant squid

77 Brazil

78 Louisa M Alcott

mowgti

80 Merlin

81The US Civil War

THE OLYMPICS

82 Ben Johnson

83 Theodosius I 84 Amsterdam

85 Cross-country skiing and target shooting

86 Steve Ovett

87 London, UK

EMPIRES

88 The Roman Empire

89 The Byzantine Empire

90 The Egyptian Empire

91The Trojan horse

MUSIC 92 Beethoven 93 John Lennon

Mozart 95 Ragtime

HOLLYWOOD

96 The Birds 97 Zsa Zsa Gabor 98 George Raft 99 Steven Spielberg

ANIMAL

WORLD

100 Duck-billed platypus

Cheetah

Cooling the blood

Porcupine

104 FLYING COLOURS

The anagram is Mother Teresa.

105 QUICK CRYPTIC

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