Reader's Digest UK Aug 2015

R E A D E R ’ S D I G E S T

AUGUST 2015

| S M A L L A N D P E R F E C T L Y

Coastal Walks PAGE 62

“I Remember”: Tony Jacklin

Eye Health Breakthroughs

PAGE 20

PAGE 36

I N F O R M E D

“People Cannot Do Without Ethics” The Dalai Lama turns 80 PAGE 74

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Laugh ............................................................140 Books that Changed my Life ........................129 If I Ruled the World ........................................82 Word Power ..................................................133 60-Second Stand-up ....................................144 readersdigest.co.uk

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Migrant Crisis in the Mediterranean PAGE 98

AUGUST 2015

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editor’s letter

IN EVERY ISSUE 6 8

Over to You See the World Differently Entertainment

17

August’s cultural highlights

44 50

Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton

82

If I Ruled the World: Phil Hammond

Health

Inspire

94

Column: Catherine Cole

106

Column: Nick Hill

Travel & Adventure Money Food & Drink

112

Tasty recipes and ideas from Rachel Walker

116

Column: Lynda Clark

118

Olly Mann’s gadgets

120

Georgina Yates on how to look your best

124

August Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: Brian Aldiss

Home & Garden Technology Fashion & Beauty

Books

129

Fun & Games

130 133 136 140 143 144

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You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers Laugh!

Beat the Cartoonist 60-Second Stand-Up: Dane Baptiste

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It’s around this time of year, usually when

I’m glued to my desk in London and staring out the window, that I really start pining for the great outdoors. Thankfully, this country is blessed with some of the loveliest coastlines in the world, and we’ve asked a number of keen walkers to identify their favourite spots on p62 —so there’s no excuse not to get out and explore them.

But if the inner world is more your thing, turn to our interview with the Dalai Lama on p74. His Holiness is a great source of wisdom in his ninth decade, especially when discussing the moral dilemmas of today. Of course, one of these dilemmas is the migrant crisis in the Mediterranean, which film-maker Dominique Mollard spent two and a half years covering.

Read his riveting account on p98.

Finally, there’s still plenty of time to enter our family holiday photo competition on p70. It could win you a cash prize or a fabulous holiday in Turkey, so send us your snaps!

Tom Browne theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk pinterest.com/rdigestuk google.com/+ReadersDigestUK1​

Reader’s Digest is published in 29 editions in 17 languages

Editor-in-Chief Tom Browne assistant Editor Fiona Hicks Digital Content Editor Mandi Goodier Art Director Yvey Bailey Graphic Designer Katie Johnson Advertising Director Simon Fulton simon.fulton@readersdigest.co.uk 0203 701 5936 Advertising Account Director Mike Allen mike.allen@readersdigest.co.uk 0203 701 5935

CEO Gary Hopkins Chief Operating Officer Julie Leach Digital Marketing and Campaigns Manager Maggie Champion digital Content Executive Kylie Petitt The Reader’s Digest Association inc (USA) President and Chief Executive Officer Bonnie Kintzer Vice President, Chief Operating Officer, International Brian Kennedy Editor-in-Chief, International Magazines Raimo Moysa

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readersdigest.co.uk

the perfect Barbecue!

Wisdom...

The website is getting wiser, thanks to the Dalai Lama. He tells us on p74 that “ethics is more important than religion”, and as a tribute to this statement we’ve been uploading some of his most inspirational quotes, which are bound to strike a chord regardless of faith.

...and Humour The Edinburgh Fringe Festival beckons, so we’ve taken our cue from Ian Rankin (see p28) and taken a look at what this great city has to offer at this time of year. Get online and discover our top tips for this year’s festival, as well as some of its best moments from years passed—you’ll be in for a right laugh! twitter.com/readersdigestuk

facebook.com/readersdigestuk

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

We’re compiling a list of barbecue hacks— little tips and secrets to really get your summer garden parties smoking! So let us know your thoughts on Twitter or Facebook, and see the results at readers digest.co.uk/BBQ

pinterest.com/rdigestuk

google.com/+ReadersDigestUK1

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Over to You letters on the JUNE issue

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

✯ letter of the month...

I was totally absorbed and overwhelmed by “Can We Survive on Mars?”, and was almost convinced by the arguments in favour of travelling to Mars and surviving there. But then I reflected that we haven’t yet learned how to treat Earth properly. Evidence of warped human nature is displayed on every side—war, hatred, violence and slaughter. However far we travel, we’ll take all these things with us.

Would it not be wiser to spend our money on tackling the areas of our planet where, at present, it’s too hot, too cold, too wet or too dry for human habitation? If we could make such places habitable, it would spread out the number of people and hopefully lessen the tension. We need to face the greatest problem of all—namely, the human condition.

ELAINE BISHOP, We st Suss e x

MARVELLOUS MARKETS Reading “Best of British” made me think of my favourite market in Chesterfield, Derbyshire—the town where I grew up. Merchants have been selling their wares there since 1165. There are two open-air markets either side of the market hall, and a row of stalls with brightly-coloured 6

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striped awnings. A vast range of goods is sold, ranging from fruit and vegetables to crockery.

My favourite shop sells different cheeses along with bread, pies and oatcakes (a delicacy in that part of England). Whenever I’m visiting Chesterfield, I stock up on provisions.

MARGARET GIRDWOOD, S u f f o l k

THE KING AND CREAM I look forward to your magazine every month, especially the section “If I Ruled the World”. Philip Zimbardo’s answers sounded like the best manifesto I’ve ever heard and would certainly get my vote. I particularly liked his view on reducing prejudice and discrimination by promoting appreciation and the value of diversity. Of course, in order for it to work, everybody in the world would have to agree, which sadly is never the case in reality. But I suppose we have to start somewhere.

It’s an excellent manifesto for all world leaders. However, his suggestion of whipped cream with everything may be going a tad too far.

Tracey Webb, D e v o n

AN APT TITLE? I agree with James Brown that Last of the Summer Wine is a TV classic—but I avoided watching the first series because of the show’s title, mistakenly thinking it was just some food-and-drink programme lamenting the end of the season’s grape harvest. Never shy about making the same mistake twice, I also assumed that George Gently— as it was called for the first series— was about some shy young constable WE WANT TO HEAR

FROM YOU!

with a soothing voice, instead of a gritty crime drama set in the Sixties.

If we can’t judge books by their covers, what chance do we have with the titles of TV shows?

DAVID BENNETT, S t o k e - o n -Tr e n t

OVER-FAMILIAR FOLK I felt that I must write to you about Dr Pemberton’s latest contribution to your magazine, “Retaining a Decent Distance”. I couldn’t agree more with his comments concerning the familiarity people adopt so easily these days.

I object strongly—although I keep quiet about it—when people such as my doctor’s receptionist call me by my Christian name. I was born during the Second World War and was taught to respect my elders and call them by their title. I’m sure it’s the same for all people of my generation.

MRS J D HOLMES, L o n d o n

aPART TOGETHER I was truly inspired to read your article “Couples Living Apart”. With the dissolution of marriages having become commonplace nowadays, it is refreshing to see that couples can overcome physical time and space to make their relationships work.

CATHERINE BRANIFF, C o u n t y D o w n

Send letters to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk Please include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number.

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see the world Turn the page

Photos : © FERRARI PRESS AGENCY/ac tion press

...differently Safety in traffic is all about physical integrity. Australian artist Emma Hack uses her models’ bodies to make that point! For 18 long hours, 17 men and women remained entwined while the artist formed a crashed car with their bodies.

With the application of paint, Hack completed an optical illusion that’s both fascinating and frightening.

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R e as o n s to b e c h e e r f u l

Enjoying a new gig, James Brown discovers that old passions can lead to new pleasure

The Music Keeps On Playing

James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: “We can’t concentrate, why should you?”

There’s an old saying (which I just made up) that goes, “A slow tide can carry you back to the place you most want to be.” This is a mystical way of saying I’m back outside a street-corner pub in London’s Soho, having a laugh and a drink in the sun with some mates.

Between 1987 and 1998, this was pretty much all I did. After almost a two-decade hiatus, the reason I’m back is because I’ve just finished my music show at Soho Radio, a community station based out of a coffee shop in the West End. I’ve been doing fortnightly and now weekly shows for the last two months, and it’s totally changed my week.

My slot runs from 2pm to 4pm on Mondays, and unlike the main radio stations there’s no playlist! This means I can do and play whatever I wish. What if I feel like playing a classic Bond soundtrack from John Barry next to a great disco track such as “Native New Yorker”? Well, I can and I will. If I have a hankering to listen to the theme tune from House of Cards, I simply press play, sit back and enjoy it. presenting this show has opened up an enormous record warehouse in my mind and—just like when I was a teenager—I’m constantly thinking about music. I’m forever

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Illustration by MI chael Ga mbriel

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R e as o n s to b e c h e e r f u l

making notes of songs I love, going a technical glitch. For the first over snippets of sound that remind six shows, I used my girlfriend me of other songs and reading up Lisa’s account. At one point I was on musicians. Even writing this now, compiling a playlist at home, when I’m pondering the name of that great Iggy Pop suddenly turned into the song I remembered last night as I lullaby from Dumbo. I realised Lisa drifted off to sleep. was using the same account on Fast approaching her laptop to get our 50, and having worked baby to sleep. I quickly as a music journalist turned Iggy off; we Listening to in my early twenties, wanted our son Billy I have a pretty good slip into a slumber, music, playing to bank of songs to rather than “Search music and choose from between and Destroy”. the mid-Sixties and “Imagine if I did talking about late-Nineties. There’s that when you’re on music is nothing too current air,” Lisa remarked. as yet—the show is tremendously Indeed. I’ve got my brilliantly last century: own account now. exhilarating.

Marc Bolan, The Jam, Kate Bush, Stone Roses, It banishes any the best part of Aretha Franklin. The all is that listening to dark corners music, playing music list is endless.

But there’s an art to of doubt, fear and talking about getting the right mix music with studio or depression guests is tremendously of music, and the brief I’ve given myself is to exhilarating. It banishes play great songs that any dark corners of people really like. The best moment doubt, fear or depression that might to date has been seeing people be lurking inside. actually dancing in the shop while Which is how I’ve come to be waiting to buy coffee. comfortably enjoying a sparkling I may play 20th-century tunes, water while my mates have their but I make full use of 21st-century first drink of the day in Soho. It’s technology. Rather than lug my old just after four in the afternoon, none records and CDs about, I do it all of us are going anywhere in a hurry, from Spotify—a £9-a-month online and the longer we stand around music archive. The only drawback enjoying ourselves, the more old is that I’m really screwed if there’s friends drift by. The sort of people 14

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Reader’s Digest

who, like me, ran away to London because they didn’t want a proper job, and appreciate the benefits of wandering round this old village in the heart of the capital.

Of course, a lot of the old neon spots have been cleaned up. Brands, upmarket boutiques and food chains are moving in, but Soho Radio is capturing the atmosphere of the old Soho. It’s a hub of activity, buzzing

with musicians, music enthusiasts, food lovers, drink experts, club runners, tailors, rogues and vagabonds. Like I said, lots of people like me—all enjoying the direction of that “slow tide”.

Now, there’s a good reason to be cheerful.

For more details of James’ show and to listen, visit sohoradiolondon.com

budding authors, take a bow!

This passionate, yearning tale was one of thousands submitted to this year’s 100-Word-Story Competition. We’ll be publishing a commended story every month.

The nun’s habit Lying in bed after vespers, Ingrid stared at the wooden crucifix of the Lord hung on the wall. She pondered on whether it was too late to taste the forbidden fruit of mortal love. If it wasn’t, would she have the same bitter taste of disappointment in her mouth as she had with her marriage to the Lord?

Rather like biting into a strawberry and cream cake, which held the promise of something naughty and tasty but in reality had the tang of sour milk. She turned her head to the pillow. She would never know how good sin tasted.​ Lena Walton, London Lena says: “I booked myself into my own ‘writers’ retreat’— a convent in Norfolk. It was a bleak place to stay, and I got to thinking about how the nuns may have regretted their choice of being married to Jesus, and would have wanted to feel the love of a warm-blooded man. I’ve been writing for about five years now, initially stories of my around-the-world adventures for friends. Then, last year, I self-published my novel Jewish Days Arab Nights, which is set in Israel.”

Lena will receive a cheque for £50

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08/07/2015 13:44

e n t e r ta i n m e n t

Henry Cavill as Napoleon Solo

■■action: the man from u.n.c.l.e.

Fresh from the success of his Sherlock Holmes movies, director Guy Ritchie has now revisited another classic franchise.

Much like the Sixties TV series, this sees American spy Napoleon Solo (Henry Cavill) and Russian agent Illya Kuryakin (Armie Hammer) forming an unlikely Cold-War partnership to stop a criminal gang involved in nuclear proliferation.

Expect plenty of stylish thrills and spills.

■■mystery: paper towns Author John Green scored a massive hit in 2012 with The Fault in Our Stars, which was turned into an equally successful film two years later. The same team is behind this adaptation of Green’s third novel, starring Nat Wolff and Cara Delevingne as childhood friends. What starts out as a small-town comedy soon develops into something more dark.

DVD of the month ■■the falling

Surreal drama set in an all-girls’ school in the Sixties. Stars Maisie Williams.*

Watching: Banished (BBC2)

A seriously good-looking cast of convicts and soldiers make it difficult to press pause and put the kettle on.

Reading: The Girl on the Train

by Paula Hawkins If you buy this

book today, you’ll have it finished in record time.

Online: My email Catching up with family and friends is always on my agenda.

Listening: Life in a Beautiful Light by Amy Macdonald A lady with huge

talent. Her thought-provoking lyrics and catchy tunes always keep my attention.

Fancy appearing in this section? Send your current cultural favourites, along with short descriptions, to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk 18

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* TO BUY DVDS FEATURED HERE, GO TO SHOP.READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

© warners bros / 20 th century fox

On Your Radar Sue Watt, writing student

Music

by ma n d i g o o d i e r

Reader’s Digest

Album of the Month

Another One by Mac Demarco

To call Mac Demarco a slacker is quite unfair­—he’s now on his fourth studio album in as many years. But Mr Demarco has found himself crowned the king of that laid-back summer “slacker” sound: lazy, crooning vocals alongside effortlesssounding yet intricate guitars.

The appropriately titled Another One is a delicate offering, which feels more mature than previous outings. Demarco is applying his talent to instruments other than the guitar, introducing synth to the mix and adding new depth to his already recognisable style. In many ways, this is a settling-down album rather than a coming-of-age one—and even at only 22 minutes long, it’s full of heart.

Key tracks: “Another One”, “A Heart Like Hers”, “Without Me” Like this? You may also like: The Doobie Brothers, Steely Dan, Todd Rundgren Overlooked Record from the Past Hard Candy by Ned Doheny

California, 1976. While surfers were lazing around to soft rock and disco was taking a hold of the platform-cladded, Ned Doheny was creating something else entirely.

Hardy Candy, although influenced by mid-1970s rock, is infused with accessible and relaxed soul —yet it was a huge flop on its release.

There’s no real reason for this, other than bad timing. Opening track “Get It Up for Love” may be one of the finest blue-eyed soul songs ever laid down, and would sit nicely alongside Hall and Oates’ 1981 classic “I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)”. Time for a revival. listen to these albums at READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/LISTEN

On Our Radar Wilderness festival, Oxfordshire, Aug 6–9 Music, theatre,

talks and much more.

England v Australia, The Oval, London, Aug 20–24 The

Ashes cricket contest reaches its climax.

Newlyn Fish Festival, Cornwall, Aug 31 Quirky events

of a fishy variety.

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entertainment

Tony Jacklin, 71, is one of Britain’s most successful golfers. This month, he’ll be hosting the charity British Par 3 Championships in Warwickshire

…I was born and raised in s cun thorpe, lincolnshire. My dad was at the steel works and my mum Dorothy worked on the market at the weekend. Times were hard. Money was tight and we always seemed to be scrabbling around for a few extra quid. As soon as I was old enough, I started a paper round and joined my mother on the market, helping the older blokes load the vans. Sure, it was a tough childhood, but was I unhappy? Not for a second! …MY DAD DECIDING TO TAKE UP GOLF. We used to live next door to this bloke called Eric Markee. In 1953—I 20

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would have been about eight or nine—he stuck his head over the fence and called out to my dad. “Arthur, I’ve just been up to the golf club. You ought to have a go. I reckon you’ll like it.” Sure enough, my dad went to the Ashby Decoy Golf Club, not far from where we lived; followed by his son. That was it...that was the start of my love affair.

Dad continued to play for the rest of his life and he had a great appreciation of the game.

…WINNING THE LINCOLNSHIRE JUNIOR CHAMPIONSHIP. After that first visit with my dad, the golf club became my second home. I was

© David Fi sher/REX / © P ERSONAL PHOTOS COURTESY OF TONY JACKLIN

Tony Jacklin “I Remember”

Tony (left) and family in the 1940s. “Money was tight and we always seemed to be scrabbling around for a few extra quid”

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I remember

Tony’s parents toast his success

completely self-taught and, at 13, I won the first of four Lincolnshire Boys’ Championships. I was also beginning to beat blokes who were much older than me—which didn’t go down too well in the clubhouse! The grown-ups didn’t like this cocky, young lad showing ’em how it was done.

After I left school, I got a job in the steel works, but I knew it wasn’t for me. The only thing I wanted to do was play golf.

…MEETING MY FIRST WIFE VIVIEN. After I turned professional in my late teens, I suddenly realised what a lonely sport golf can be. Sure, there was a lot of boozing and gallivanting with the rest of lads, but that was never my thing. I preferred the quiet life.

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What I needed was someone to share that life…and I found her in Belfast in 1965. As soon as I clapped eyes on Vivien, I knew it was special. We got married the following year and had a threeyear honeymoon, travelling round the world and playing golf. I was doing all right too—I Tony met his first wife Vivien in Belfast

Reader’s Digest

had 2000 quid in my bank account. I’d never seen so much money!

A 25-year-old Tony wins The British Open in 1969

…WINNING THE BRITISH OPEN AND THE US OPEN. Each year, I was climbing higher up the ladder­—beating established names such as Arnold Palmer—and my game was just getting better and better. I won the British Open in 1969 and followed that with the US Open in 1970—the first English player to win the US Open since 1924!

We were living in Elsham at the time, not far from Scunthorpe, and the council threw a huge party for me. I was driven around town in a Cadillac and taken to meet the local grammar kids in Brigg. I think that’s when I knew I was famous! …NOT EVERY GAME PUTS A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. Everyone likes this photo (below), probably because it

© Edwin Sa mps on/Da ily M ai l/REX

“You take these failures and you put them at the back of your mind”

shows the other side of game…the what-might-have-beens. I can’t remember exactly where or when this was taken, but I’m pretty sure it’s late1960s on the American tour. You miss that important putt and that’s it; game over. You beat yourself up as you walk back, but ever y champion will tell you the same thing.

You take those failures and you put them somewhere right at the back of your mind.

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I remember

Tony teaching oldest child Bradley the tricks of the trade

…PLAYING GOLF W I TH J A M ES BOND. I first met Sean Connery in 1973; he was such a keen golfer that he used to hold his own tournament. He’d just stepped down as Bond and, of course, there’s a bit of you that goes, “Bloomin’ ’eck, it’s 007”. But, over the ye a r s, I b e ca m e aware that all the entertainers were just as respectful to us professional golfers; there was a sort of mutual admiration.

I’ve played with some big names, people like like Bob Hope, Dean Martin, Evel Knievel, Andy Williams, Glen Campbell and Bing Crosby. Bing took his golf very seriously. I think the entertainers enjoy golf because it’s so

…BECOMING A DAD. After Vivien and I got married, we had three years jetting around the world, but we knew it was time to settle down and establish a base...time for a family. Bradley came first in 1970, followed by Warren in 1972 and Tina in 1974. Of course I wanted them to be interested in golf, but thank God I was “Bloomin’ ’eck, it’s smart enough to know that it 007!” Playing with had to be their own decision.

Sean Connery As a family, we were lucky (centre) because we had a bit of money and my opinion has always been that you spend your brass on the people you love.

They weren’t spoiled, but they they got the best education I could afford.

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Reader’s Digest

Tony with second wife Astrid and son Sean

different from their day job. No razzamatazz, just you and that ball.

…LOSING VIVIEN. My game had its ups and downs, but, generally speaking, life had been pretty kind to Vivien and me. Sometimes, that’s when life creeps up and gives you a right kicking.

Vivien had always been a picture of health…just one of those people that didn’t get ill. Then, in 1988, out of nowhere, she suffered a brain haemorrhage and died. It’s impossible to explain how you feel. Grief does strange things to you. Over that next few months, I made some very poor decisions [Jacklin had a brief affair with

a 16-year-old waitress] and became a target for the media, but all I really wanted to do was disappear. Without the kids, I don’t know how I’d have got through those next few months.

…AND FINDING ASTRID. I was trying to carry on with normal life, but not being very successful—until I met Astrid. She’d been through her own difficult times and I think that helped her deal with me. We got together in late 1988 without any plans, but we ended up getting married, had a son [Sean] and here we are almost 30 years later.

Most blokes are lucky to find one special person in their life—I found two.

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I remember

…REALISING THAT DANCING IS BLOODY HARD WORK! I wasn’t really aware of how big Strictly Come Dancing was or how much work was involved. I was probably a bit naïve. I signed up for six hours of training every day for the six weeks leading up to the show, plus 12 hours a day when we were being filmed. Did I mind getting knocked out in the first round? To be honest, I was happy to have my life back. That show nearly killed me! …GIVING UP THE COMPETITIVE GAME, BUT NOT BEING ABLE TO GIVE UP GOLF. At 71, my competitive days are behind me. But I still love this game—I come over to the UK every year to watch the Open and host my charity Par 3 Tournament at Nailcote

Hall in Warwickshire. We’ve had some incredible names over the years—Sir Alex Ferguson, Ian Woosnam. Damon Hill will be playing this year. Sir Alex and Damon might not be a “professional” golf players, but when I watch them play, I can recognise the same highs and lows. The mental and physical strain…the rollercoaster of emotions. But when that little ball goes down the hole, there’s no feeling like it in the whole world.

As told to Danny Scott Tony Jacklin is the global brand ambassador for Glenmorangie: Spirit of The Open 2015. He also hosts the British Par 3 Championships (britishpar3. com) from August 11-14, raising money for the Rainbows Hospice for Children and Young People (rainbows.co.uk).

SHIP SHAPE! Are you planning a cruise this summer? Some of the ships feature on-board facilities that might just surprise you.

A morgue. Every year, approximately 200 people die while on a cruise.

A 23-foot glass chamber. This also has 100mph upward-flowing wind to simulate the sensation of skydiving.

A jail cell. Just in case someone needs to be detained before being arrested at the next port.

A surf simulator. 34,000 gallons of water pump through this machine each minute, enabling passengers to surf without touching the ocean.

A robot. Royal Carribbean vessels have robotic bartenders in the “Bionic Bar”. source: MENTALFLOSS.com

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FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/ENTERTAINMENT

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Millions of people visit each year, but there’s a side to the Scottish capital that most miss. Crime writer Ian Rankin takes us on a tour of his hidden city

How is it possible for a city to be both blazingly public and intensely private at the selfsame time? Somehow Edinburgh manages the feat, even this month with festivals all go and the population almost double the norm.

This quirk is something I’ve explored many times in my novels, because to me it says lots about the very nature of Edinburgh and how it came to be the way it is. The Scottish capital is bursting with stories, but sometimes you have to tease them out.

Its history seems apparent from the moment you arrive, yet there are things you’ll never see unless you know where to look—or get lucky.

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Ian Rankin, pictured at the Oxford Bar, is the author of 19 best-selling novels featuring the Edinburgh detective John Rebus.

His awardwinning books have been published in 36 languages

murdo m acleod

Ian Rankin’s Edinburgh

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Photo/I llustration credit

IAN RANKIN’S EDINBURGH

I’VE LIVED HERE FOR MORE than half my life, yet can’t claim anything close to an encyclopaedic knowledge of the place.

Even when the city swells with hundreds of thousands of visitors, it’s possible to escape and discover a quieter, quirkier city just minutes from the jugglers, fire-eaters and myriad other performers that flock to the world’s largest arts festival.

Maybe it’s all an accident of history and geology. In times past, while invading armies prepared to strike, the denizens would secrete themselves in tunnels dug beneath Castle Rock and the Old Town.

You can still get a sense of this underground existence by visiting the Blair Street Vaults or Mary King’s Close (where narrow streets with houses on either side housed citizens during the 16th and 17th centuries).

When the invaders arrived, they’d find the city empty. It was easy for them to ransack and loot, but they would soon get tired of this and march back out the way they’d come, at which point the citizens would rise up from their various underground hiding places.

Edinburgh has always seemed to me a furtive place. Throughout history it has made its money from invisible industries such as banking and insurance. And while the city has been known to celebrate its success stories (the Scott Monument, a memorial to the great novelist Walter 30

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Scott) and flag up folly (the unfinished “Parthenon” on Calton Hill), it’s not a place where people flaunt their talents. You don’t see many Ferraris— the wealth sits quietly behind the New Town’s thick Georgian walls.

I always envy the first-timer who arrives by train. As you ascend from the platform to Waverley Bridge, Castle Rock catches your eye and, stabbing the sky below it, the Gothic spire of the Scott Monument (❶ on the map overleaf). Waverley Station is named after Sir Walter Scott’s first novel, a sensation when it was published in 1814.

It was Scott, incidentally, who popularised tartan as part of the Scottish national identity in the 1820s and who, when later he faced humiliating bankruptcy, did the honourable thing and wrote book after book until his debts were cleared.

Edinburgh was once called a city of “public probity and private vice”, and this still rings true, though the “probity” tag has lost some lustre since the near-collapse of the Royal Bank of Scotland, one of the city’s biggest employers, which recorded the UK’s largest ever corporate loss during the financial crisis before being rescued by the government.

But visitors to Edinburgh, if they stick to the main tourist routes, will be seeing only the city’s most public side.

Travel just a little further afield and you can widen your appreciation.

getty

The Scott

Monument, an Edinburgh landmark

That’s why, on a blustery day, I set out from the Oxford Bar ❷ for a walk.

This isn’t a random starting point. I discovered it as a young writer. I’d invented a character called Detective Inspector John Rebus, and he needed a place to hang out. The Oxford Bar is central (Young Street is a two-minute walk from Princes Street), yet hidden.

It’s small, but contains the widest possible cross-section of Edinburgh life.

As I walk in, there are a few nods of greeting (nothing too effusive). Kirsty behind the bar has guessed that I’ll want a pint of Deuchars India Pale Ale. Edinburgh at one time had more than 40 breweries—the Scottish Parliament sits on the remains of one of them. These days, though, there’s just

Reader’s Digest

the one. It’s called the Caledonian Brewery, and that’s where my IPA was made—about two miles from here as the crow flies.

The “Ox” is run by Harry Cullen.

Harry used to sing in a folk group (though he won’t thank me for publicising the fact) and has a fund of stories of his own. In fact, everyone I have ever met in the Oxford Bar has a story to tell. I ask Harry today if any Rebus fans have been in. He rolls his eyes.

“Two of them took photos—without buying a drink!” He then asks me if I’m having another. I shake my head.

“Things to do,” I remark by way of apology.

“That’s my profits shot,” he mutters.

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IAN RANKIN’S EDINBURGH

With a shrug and a wave, I head out, and crossing nearby Charlotte Square (home to the First Minister, head of the Scottish government) and emerging on a rain-soaked Queensferry Street. The shops soon disappear as I approach Randolph Cliff. I cross the road and head down Bells Brae, turning right at a signpost announcing that Leith is two-and-three-quarter miles away. This path, deserted apart from the odd dog-walker and jogger, runs along a river, the Water of Leith, and can take you all the way to the port district of Leith.

The great novelist and traveller Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island, Kidnapped and The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, once called his native Edinburgh a “precipitous city”, and he was absolutely right.

Whether you’re peering down onto Princes Street Gardens from the castle, or craning your neck to look up from the Cowgate at George IV Bridge above, you sense that Edinburgh contains an intensity of heights and depths.

Walking along Miller Row, I’m soon staring up at Dean Bridge ❸, designed by Thomas Telford and completed in 1832. I’ve decided against walking all the way to Leith, so emerge at the footbridge between Mackenzie Place and Upper Dean Terrace. One option here is to amble up Edinburgh’s loveliest street, Ann Street, 32

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with its neat gardens and immaculate Georgian facades. But instead I carry on to Raeburn Place, emerging from one village, Dean Village, into another, Stockbridge.

From here, it’s a short uphill stroll into the New Town proper. When the Old Town, stretching from the castle down to the Palace of Holyroodhouse, became overcrowded and insanitary, the New Town was proposed, with work commencing in the 1770s.

At this point, I have to admit that I get lost in the New Town. My destination is Kay’s Bar ❹ on Jamaica Street. Somehow I manage to skirt it, passing the art galleries of Dundas Street and a favourite fish-and-chip shop, L’Alba D’Oro. I walk down Heriot Row (once home to the young Robert Louis Stevenson), then double back on myself and stumble upon Kay’s almost by accident, the sort of happy accident that makes an Edinburgh walk such a pleasure.

There are some cities in the world where you’ll find conversation at every turn, but not here. Edinburgh is quiet and reserved—a place for thinking. Maybe the locals only loosen up when they enter their favoured watering hole. After walking in silence, it’s nice to lubricate (and then exercise) the vocal cords. There’s chat in Kay’s.

Rested, I start to climb back uphill, walking along Queen Street, past the Scotch Malt Whisky Society ❺, which boasts hundreds of malts and no two alike. A right turn takes me to George

Reader’s Digest

Rankin’s tour of edinburgh

map by willie ryan

Follow in the writer’s footsteps round the Scottish capital

Street, the grande dame of the Princes Street area.

Time was, it was filled with banks, but most of these have become bars and restaurants. The Dome ❻, for example, was the Commercial Bank of Scotland headquarters. This neoclassical splendour is now a place to do lunch, beneath a spectacular glass dome in what used to be the main banking hall.

At the far end of George Street, I turn left and then take a right. I’m now where the New Town meets Leith Walk, and I pause outside another bar, the Conan Doyle on York Place, staring across the road at a modern

addition to the city’s monuments—a statue commemorating Sherlock Holmes, whose creator grew up in Edinburgh, basing his character on one of his university professors.

The weather has brightened by now, and I see no reason to head home just yet. I have some shopping to do. A friend in London collects LP records and he visits Edinburgh a couple of times a year, due to the quality of the record shops. There’s one on the Canongate and a couple on Leith Walk.

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Street and Clerk Street, and includes (just off the main thoroughfare on East Crosscauseway) Backbeat ❼.

Dougie McShane opened Backbeat in 1981, selling mostly blues albums.

He now sells pretty well everything, and he reckons he has 65,000 items in stock. An English lad emerges with his finds. He’s a blues fan. My own son is 22, and likes vinyl and the blues both.

I ask Dougie about this.

“It’s great,” he says. “Teenagers buying record decks and then coming back to proper records because they just sound better—less harsh and more authentic.”

To get to Backbeat, I’ve walked past my favourite museum, Surgeons’ Hall ❽ on Nicolson Street, where visitors can view the death mask of the 34

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I have a plan in mind now. I hail a taxi, telling the driver to take me to Blackford Glen Road. The driver drops me at a dead end. But it’s not quite a dead end—a path leads into wooded parkland called the Hermitage ❾.

Here, again, is the hidden Edinburgh. Only locals ever seem to find this place. Strangers smile and nod at you. If you’re here, you’re not really a stranger at all—you’re part of a community. By the time I emerge on Braid Road, my batteries have been recharged. What’s more, it’s a short stroll down into Morningside ❿ , my final stop before home.

The Canny Man’s is another famed Edinburgh pub, filled with hideaways where you can sup a quiet pint or savour a malt. If you want to be left to read the paper, that’s fine; if you’d prefer conversation, that’s fine too.

wi lli am shaw

The city is filled with narrow passageways and secret streets

serial killer William Burke (of Burke and Hare fame). Along with his accomplice William Hare, Burke murdered 16 people in the 1820s and then sold the bodies to a doctor eager for dissection material for his anatomy lectures. Also on view here is a wallet made out of Burke’s skin. So much more interesting than dinosaur bones, I’ve always thought.

Having escaped Backbeat with just the one purchase (of boogie-woogie piano tunes), I notice a couple of early novels by the American crime writer Patricia Highsmith in a charity-shop window, so I have to have those too.

Reader’s Digest

FESTIVAL CITY Edinburgh calls itself the “world’s leading festival city” with good reason. It hosts 11 major festivals —and peak time Is August Edinburgh International Festival (eif.co.uk) and Edinburgh Festival Fringe (edfringe.com); both August 7–31: Edinburgh’s six major theatres and concert halls and other venues come alive for three weeks of music, theatre, opera and dance. Juliette Binoche stars in Antigone this year. The less formal Fringe is a magnet for thousands of up-andcoming performers across hundreds of stages— everything from stand-up to Shakespeare.

Edinburgh Book Festival (edbookfest.co.uk), August 15–31: over 750 events featuring leading writers and thinkers—from rising stars of fiction to Nobel Prize-winners—and many events for children and young adults.

Edinburgh Art Festival (edinburghartfestival.com), July 30–August 30: the UK’s largest annual celebration of visual art brings together leading galleries, museums and artist-run spaces, alongside new public art commissions by established and emerging artists and special events.

getty

Throughout much of LAST YEAR,

the bars of Edinburgh resounded to the passionate arguments of both Yes and No camps as Scotland wrestled with the idea of full independence from the UK. Posters and flags went up in tenement windows, rallies gathered outside the Scottish Parliament at Holyrood, concerts and elsewhere, public debates were held, and feelings ran high.

The vote may have been in favour of No, but the issue hasn’t gone away, though those canniest of denizens in the Canny Man’s seem to keep quiet counsel as they sip their drinks today.

Morningside is yet another Edinburgh “village”, and I live on the edge of it. As a student, I rented a shared New Town flat. Later, I made my home near Backbeat Records (coincidence, I assure you). I’ve also lived in Tollcross and Oxgangs and Peffermill.

Each one boasts a unique atmosphere.

Today’s walk has taken me just under four hours. I’ve come to know my city a little better, but am left with a yearning to know still more.

The Beat Goes On: The Complete Rebus Short Stories is out now in paperback (Orion, £7.99). For more Ian Rankin titles, visit our shop at shop.readersdigest.co.uk

© John Rebus Ltd 2009, 2015

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HEALTH

Eye H e a lt h

B r e a kRecent advances may help many adults retain or regain their vision

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F i e l d s

Photo: © Elke Hesser/getty im ages

throughs

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e y e h e a lt h b r e a k t h r o u g h

UDITH STOUT of Rotterdam was having problems with her vision.

She’d seen eye doctors for years because of an autoimmune disease that caused eye inflammation, but it had never affected how she saw things. Suddenly, things were looking blurry and discoloured. “When I saw landscapes at night, they were not in colour anymore but grey and misty,” Stout says.

When she visited her ophthalmologist, the 35-year-old was surprised to be diagnosed with a form of glaucoma. The disease—a leading cause of blindness in Europe—is often associated with ageing. Stout’s glaucoma probably stemmed from her eye inflammation, but like most glaucoma patients, she had too much fluid pressure building inside her eye, which can damage the optic nerve, leading to vision loss.

When glaucoma is caught early, many can preserve their sight with prescription eye drops. Stout used the drops, but they didn’t help. “There was only one solution: an operation.”

A surgeon implanted a stent in Stout’s eye, hidden beneath the upper eyelid, to relieve pressure. It’s a relatively new procedure; ten years ago, her vision in that eye would have been compromised permanenetly.

“Now I can see normally again,” says Stout.

H idd e n p r e ssu r e - r e l i e v i n g STENTS . Laser-guided surgery. Im-

planted micro-telescopes. Treatments for eye diseases have come a long way in recent years.

“Blindness worldwide dropped by around 40 per cent over the last 20 years, while in developed countries such as Europe, it dropped by 50 per cent,” says Dr Serge Resnikoff, an ophthalmologist in Geneva and a spokesperson for the International Council of Ophthalmology. Yet millions of people are still affected, even in developed nations. More patients need access to cutting-edge treatments.

“Across Europe, there are huge differences,” says Ian Banks, chair of the Brussels-based European Forum Against Blindness. “We work to help patients get better access to treatments.

Some are revolutionary and make all

Nearly seven million people have glaucoma, A condition with no outward symptoms in its early stages 38

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the difference between blindness and normal living.”

Here are the advances that are helping people see.

Photo: © Ma rcel Bekeda m

Glaucoma Around three per cent of Europeans aged between 40 and 80, or nearly seven million people, have glaucoma, a condition with no outward symptoms in its early stages. The miniscule stent that relieved Stout’s harmful eye pressure is the latest treatment. It’s been called “the last resort of glaucoma treatment”.

Another treatment may be coming soon: contact lenses to deliver glaucoma medication.

“It’s not easy to put in eye drops,” Resnikoff says. “Any new administration system where people don’t need to put in drops every day would be major progress.”

Medication-dispensing lenses have been tested in animals, and they effectively deliver medication for up to a month. More research is needed to determine whether or not they’re safe for humans.

Hormones may be another possible weapon to thwart glaucoma. A recent study found that women who take oestrogen-only hormone-replacement therapy (HRT) have a lower risk of glaucoma.

“Prior work has demonstrated that exposure to oestrogen may lead to lowering of intraocular pressure,” says study author Dr Joshua D Stein,

Judith Stout’s vision returned to normal after surgery to implant a hidden pressure-relieving stent

associate professor of ophthalmology at the University of Michigan.

Cataracts By the age of 50, about 18 per cent of Europeans have cataracts, a clouding of your eye’s lens that blurs vision and can make your pupils appear white in advanced cases. More than half of the population develop them by 80. Modern cataract surgery, in which a doctor removes your cloudy lens and inserts an artificial one, has been available since about 1950. Phacoemulsification surgery became standard in the 1990s.

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It uses incisions smaller than in past procedures and doesn’t always require sutures.

A new laser-guided surgery makes it easier to treat cataracts. Says Leroy, “The laser makes a much more refined incision in the capsule around the lens than in phacoemulsification. It heals more easily.”

Fewer than five per cent of cataract procedures today are done with lasers, but it’s growing in popularity.

Says Resnikoff, “The cost of equipment is quite high, but I think this is going to become the standard within a couple of years.”

Diabetic retinopathy A complication of diabetes is diabetic retinopathy, which causes blood to leak from small vessels in the retina, significantly obscuring your field of vision.

“Even though the number of people getting diabetes is increasing, the number of people going blind is not, because treatment has improved,” Resnikoff says.

For years, patients received laser surgery. More recently, intraocular injections have had positive results.

Ophthalmologists may inject steroids to reduce fluid accumulation; or antivascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF), which blocks the growth of new blood vessels and makes them less fragile.

Stela Prgomelja, 44, of Belgrade, Serbia, has had vision loss from 40

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Stela Prgomelja has had vision loss from diabetic retinopathy , but doctors have now stabilised her sight

diabetic retinopathy, but doctors have stabilised her sight.

“I was very lucky to stop it. I see little black spots that will not come off.

That’s the blood from the small vessels,” she says. “If you don’t prevent the bleeding, you can become blind.”

Anyone with diabetes should see an ophthalmologist annually. “The earlier you treat, the better the visual outcome will be,” says Dr Hansjuergen Agostini, a retinal specialist at the eye centre of the University of Freiburg in Germany.

Macular degeneration Age-related macular degeneration (AMD) robs its victims of sight, sometimes gradually, sometimes suddenly.

It affects the macula, the part of the eye that helps you see things crisply directly in front of you.

“The patient with AMD always has good vision in his peripheral field,” Agostini says. “He can walk through a room but can’t see the face of a man in front of him.”

There are two forms of AMD: wet and dry, together affecting more than five per cent of people in Western Europe. Ninety per cent have the dry form, which is often a consequence of ageing; the macular tissue thins out over time, which can make it stop working properly. This form of AMD usually impairs vision gradually.

There’s no cure or treatment for dry AMD, although doctors may recommend dietary supplements.

Wet AMD occurs when abnormal blood vessels develop and leak beneath the macula. Vision loss can be more sudden and dramatic than in patients with dry AMD. The standard treatment for wet AMD is monthly anti-VEGF injections. Intraocular implants may soon make treatment easier. “Companies are working to put an implant in the eye that releases, continuously, a small dose of anti-VEGF antibody,” Leroy says.

Some AMD patients who have lost their central vision have miniscule telescopic lenses implanted in one

Reader’s Digest

eye. The telescopic lens magnifies objects in the field of vision, which makes it easier for patients to see objects or read signs at a distance with that eye.

“It’s not being used widely and I’m not sure if it will take off,” Leroy says.

“Magnification brings things closer but reduces the field of vision.”

Dry eye As you age, especially as you reach your 70s and beyond, your eyes produce fewer tears. Over time, you may need drops to stay lubricated. Technology use worsens dry eye; blinking spreads tears across the eye’s surface, but people tend to blink less when they use computers.

Eyedrops can soothe and lubricate, but their preservatives may cause allergic reactions. “One of the advances in artificial tears in the last ten years is preservative-free drops that use special canisters that are very good at keeping the drops sterile,” Leroy says.

To produce new dry-eye treatments, researchers are using computer mapping to determine how tears travel across the surface of the eye, otherwise known as the tear film. Says Resnikoff, “Dry eye isn’t only about the volume of tears, it’s also about the composition of the tear film.”

Blindness Many people lose their sight despite doctors’ best efforts, but technology has helped some to regain their 08•2015

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Completely blind for 30 years, Keith Hayman received a retinal implant that helped him see shapes and outlines, and the contrast between light and dark

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people around you.” Hayman says.

“It’s made a big difference.”

Vision is precious, and if we take steps to protect our sight, we will have a good possibility of keeping it. “Way over half of blindness is preventable,” Banks says. “It’s not all about very costly treatment, either. It’s a lot about early diagnosis.”

It’s advisable for everyone aged over 40 to avoid eye problems by having an annual examination by an eye-care practitioner. Anyone suffering from diabetes should control their blood sugar and also have an annual eye check. Says Judith Stout: “I tell everyone to get their eyes checked.”

Photo: courtesy second si ght

vision. For 30 years, Keith Hayman, 66, from Lancashire, was completely blind, due to an inherited condition.

But in 2009, he received a retinal implant that helped him see again. Hayman wears special eyeglasses with a miniature camera that takes video images. A computer transforms the images into signals, which prompts his retinal implant to emit small pulses of electricity stimulating his retina’s remaining cells to transmit visual information to his brain. Hayman can see shapes and outlines, as well as the contrast between light and dark.

“You can’t see features on someone’s face, but you’re not just stuck in the dark—you can tell there are

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HEALTH

Taking The Shine Off Sunshine By s usa n n ah h i c k l i n g

It’s not just your skin you need to protect from the sun. “Studies have shown that the effects of UV

Susannah is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

radiation are cumulative and may increase the chance of developing eye problems,” warns Milind Pande, consultant surgeon at Vision Surgery and Research Centre in East Yorkshire. So be sure to put on the right kind of sunglasses— they should carry the CE mark and British Standard BS EN 1836:2005. Conditions aggravated by the sun include: Cataracts. UV radiation can be a contributory factor in

this common condition, where the lens becomes cloudy.

Age-related macular degeneration. More than 600,000 people in the UK suffer from AMD, a major cause

4 Foods that fight sun damage

1

Cherries. A great source of melatonin, an antioxidant that protects your skin against UV radiation. Research has also revealed that it helps repair sunburnt skin by stimulating new cell growth.

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2

Green tea. Scientists have discovered that an antioxidant in green tea—the uncatchily named epigallocatechin-3gallate (EGCG)—fights inflammation in your body’s protective covering.

It also helps ward off wrinkles.

of blindness among older people.

Exposure to UV and violet/blue visible radiation has been shown to damage retinal tissue in lab experiments.

with vision. Not only that, but it’s uncomfortable. It can be removed, but may come back.

Photokeratitis is essentially

in the white of the eye sometimes extends to the cornea. This may then become distorted, interfering

sunburn of the cornea. It only lasts a few days, but it’s thought that longterm exposure to UVB rays can cause corneal degeneration.

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© Blen d Im ages/Ala my

Pterygium. This benign growth

Pomegranates.

This fruit has a high antioxidant content and research from the US University of Wisconsin has been found to offer anti-inflammatory benefits to your skin. It can also reduce the ability of UVB radiation to cause cancerpromoting damage in skin cells.

Fatty fish. Adding foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids—salmon, for example—to your summer menu will help protect skin from the damaging inflammation caused by sun exposure. What’s more, all fish are a great source of selenium and protein, needed for skin repair.

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H e a lt h

Nailing It Here’s what different nail discolorations may be trying to tell you about your health:

Men’s Health: Don’t be bone idle When we talk about osteoporosis, we think about women. But did you know that one in five men break a bone after 50, often because their bones are losing density?

Men with low testosterone levels are more likely to suffer from the condition. Drops in testosterone may happen because of a medical condition or because of the use of certain steroids or misuse of alcohol.

Other risk factors for men are heavy smoking, being very underweight, some drugs used to treat prostate cancer and an inactive lifestyle.

Regular exercise (150 minutes a week) is vital. This should include both weight-bearing activity such as running, dancing or tennis, and muscle-strengthening exercises such as press-ups or using weight equipment at the gym. You can also reduce your chances of osteoporosis by eating healthily. You should be aiming for plenty of calcium (found in leafy green vegetables, dried fruit, tofu and yogurt) and vitamin D (opt for eggs, milk and oily fish).

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Yellow nails could be linked to lymphoedema (a buildup of fluid in tissues), lung disease or psoriasis.

“Green nail syndrome” is often caused by a bacterium called pseudomonas, found in wet environments like jacuzzis.

Brown nails can be caused by nicotine use, nail polish or even chemotherapy.

Red or purple streaks may be caused by bleeding under the nail.

Blue nails can be a result of antibiotics called minocycline and certain other medicines.

Black nails are commonly caused by bruising or severe pseudomonas infection. But melanoma is also a possibility, so always see your doctor if you get one.

White nails can be a sign of a protein deficiency. Nails can also turn white from vitiligo, caused by loss of pigmentation.

Reader’s Digest

© shutterstoc k/Stasique / sh utterstock/Rob Bay er

Why Sweating Less Is No Sweat ■ Want to sweat less and smell sweet? Apply antiperspirant when your underarms are just a little moist —after a shower or bath, for example.

The active ingredients will enter your sweat glands more readily.

■ Eat your greens! Have darkgreen leafy vegetables such as spinach, kale and parsley every night. They’re healthy and rich in chlorophyll, which has a deodorising effect on the body.

■ Buy natural-fibre clothes such as cotton. They allow skin to breathe, reducing body odour. Avoid synthetic fabrics, such as nylon or Lycra, which may restrict ventilation, and keep clothes loose fitting.

■ Take up yoga. After heat, stress is probably the top cause of sweating, so this will help you control perspiration and BO better.

■ Keep out of the sun. It’s a temptation to soak up the rays on a gorgeous day, but

direct sunlight heats your body and makes you perspire.

■ Ward off smelly feet with odour-absorbing insoles. Foot odour is very common, so scrub your plates of meat daily and dry them thoroughly when you get out of the shower.

■ Trim armpit hair. This is more likely to apply to the gents, but less hair means fewer hiding places for bacteria and a more fragrant you.

This month’s health check: Are you getting enough sleep?

Sleep is increasingly being linked to a range of health problems, but there are three good ways to tell if you’re getting the zzzs you need: 1. Do you need an alarm clock to wake you up most mornings?

2. Do you get drowsy in the afternoon to the point it affects what you’re doing?

3. Do you doze off after dinner?

If the answer to any of these is yes, you need more sleep—ideally eight hours. If you think you already get enough, talk to your GP about your low energy levels.

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ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

Managing Asthma During Summer EVERY SEASON BRINGS A NUMBER OF HEALTH CONSIDERATIONS WITH IT,

and summer is no exception. Although it may be that the worst – or hottest – of British summertime is behind us, it is still important to protect your health during the warm weather.

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This is particularly the case for anyone whose asthma is triggered by pollen, dust, sand or pollution, all of which are more prevalent in summer.

Fortunately, as long as you have a treatment plan and access to your preventer and reliever inhalers at all times, the risk is usually manageable.

UNEXPECTED ASTHMA Some people who have asthma exhibit symptoms very rarely, leading them to believe in the myth that asthma can go away – but this is not the case.

If you are diagnosed with asthma then you will always have it, whether

06/07/2015 11:00

you have experienced symptoms recently or not. The concern is that some people with asthma may fail to prepare if they are not accustomed to dealing with symptoms on a regular basis. This leads to an increased risk of a serious asthma attack. If you have been diagnosed in the past, then be sure to remain vigilant during the summer months, even if you don’t think you are at risk of an attack. It’s better to be safe than sorry!

BE PREPARED If you regularly experience asthma symptoms then it’s vital that you take extra care in hot weather. Hundreds of people visit A&E every year following an asthma attack that may have been avoidable with the proper preparation.

So whether you need to renew your reliever medication or get a new preventer, get your treatment ready now and make sure you stay safe all summer.

OnlineClinic can help you to quickly get the protection that you need. We offer free online consultations with same or next day treatment delivery, so you can be sure you’re prepared to manage your asthma when the hot weather comes. Visit readersdigest.onlineclinic.co.uk for more information.

Online Clinic DPS.indd 3

06/07/2015 11:00

HEALTH

A Hop, Clip And A Jump By max p e m b e r to n

Max is a hospital doctor, author and newspaper columnist

“You owe me forty quid,” growled the man as I opened the door to the women’s hostel. Erm, no, I certainly do not, I thought to myself. But given that his fists were as big as my head, I merely smiled benignly and cleared my throat.

“Sorry, can I help you?” I replied tentatively. I was feigning ignorance, when in fact I knew exactly why he was knocking on the door.

From down the corridor of the hostel I could hear Jeanette shouting back, “I told you not to open the door—you’re gonna get us killed.” I only came here to prescribe her some medication and have a chat, and now look at the mess I’ve found myself embroiled in.

“Look, mate,” I began in my most cringe-worthy mockney accent through the crack in the door, and quickly realised this wasn’t the tack to take.

“I ain’t your mate,” he interrupted. That was very true.

He made a lunge for me and tried to push past. I slammed the door as hard and fast as I could.

ALL THIS IS ABOUT “CLIPPING”. Before starting this

job, I had no idea what this meant. In a horribly middleclass moment, when Jeanette explained that this was how she made her money, I immediately assumed it had 50

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© Nei l Webb/Ala my

something to do with the Cutty Sark. How strange, I had thought, that a homeless drug addict with schizophrenia should become involved in tea importing.

Actually, it’s about prostitution.

Clipping is the slang term for when a prostitute is paid for a service upfront, and then does a runner rather than carrying it out. To my mind, the men paying for sex don’t have a moral leg to stand on.

But it’s rather a complex moral landscape and I’m not going to make excuses for Jeanette’s lifestyle.

She used drugs because they gave short symptomatic relief from her schizophrenia, although of course in the long term it made it much worse. Jeanette was a prostitute to fund this lifestyle.

“What are you doing?” I called after her as she clambered out of the back window.

“I’m gettin out of ‘ere,” she shouted back at me. OK, only one thing for it.

I ran to the back room and swung my leg over the windowsill. Jeanette had already dropped down the few feet to the ground below.

“Just be grateful we ain’t on the third floor,” she said. Yes, always look on the bright side. I’d almost forgotten to do that at the prospect of being murdered by a man twice the size of a bus and with half its IQ. Agility courses should be included in medical training, I thought, as I landed on the ground outside. The man, having broken the door, came to the window and shook his fists at us. He never did get his 40 quid.

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HEALTH

medical myths—busted!

Drinks With Caffeine In Will Dehydrate You you. It sounds sensible, doesn’t it?

It’s not true though.

Where did the myth come from?

Lots of beverages such as tea, coffee and fizzy drinks contain caffeine.

It’s what makes them popular as a “pick-me-up”, as caffeine is a known stimulant. But caffeine is also thought to be a diuretic, which causes kidneys to make more urine. It’s therefore assumed that caffeine causes the body to produce more urine than it would do normally, thus dehydrating 52

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The idea that drinks such as tea or coffee have a particularly strong diuretic effect appears to come from a study done in the 1920s. Conducted on just three patients, it seemed to suggest that caffeinated drinks acted as a diuretic. But since then further studies have failed to show a significant effect on fluid balance within the body. In fact, studies have shown that people who get the majority of their liquid from tea or coffee are no more dehydrated in blood tests than others.

So, there’s nothing to worry about?

Certainly there’s no reason to worry about tea, coffee or fizzy drinks dehydrating you. But you should remain mindful of the amount of sugar in these drinks.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/HEALTH

Illustration By DAVID HUMP HRIES

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INSPIRE

How do you preserve a sense of community in a seasonal town?

Kris Lannan’s tale is one of skiiing, surfing and spirituality

The

Soul Man ofPolzeath wo r ds and ph oto graph s by Nick Cu na rd

Kris Lannan has different priorities from most us. It’s all about the soul for Kris.

And his life seems organised around those activities—surfing and music in particular— that can best harness and amplify its effects.

Combined with his rugged appearance and laid-back demeanour, Kris is in many ways your archetypical “dude”. It’s certainly a word that comes up in a lot of my conversations about the guy—either that or “legend”.

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Kris Lannan, cofounder of “surfers’ church” The Tube in Polzeath, Cornwall

was in absolute agony. Gumby came A Lancastrian by birth, Kris has over and said, ‘You’re just winded, always been sporty. From his late Kris. You’ll be all right.’ But I knew it teens onwards, his passion had been was much worse than that.” for skiing, which had taken him in And so it proved. Doctors at the his early 20s to the French ski resort hospital in Moûtiers, where he was of Val d’Isère and the realisation of his dream of becoming a professional airlifted an hour later, discovered that he’d crushed the lumbar skier. He’d secured a sponsorship vertebrae in his back. He was placed contract with top ski company in a full body cast and told the break Rossignol, as well as a lucrative would take six months to heal. job as a ski coach—both major For the first few days he just “lay achievements in this highly in state” in the flat he competitive world. shared with his ski But then, on friends. But eventually Christmas Eve 1996, during what should the mourning he returned to his have been a routine process was parents’ home at StAnnes-on-Sea near run out with the UK a long one, Blackpool. He was at snowboard ace but surfing a complete emotional Anthony “Gumby” eventually Gumbley, all this was came to take and psychological loss. “My life in the snatched away in a the place mountains was who I matter of seconds. of skiing in was, or who I thought “We were checking kris’s heart I was,” says Kris. out this 20-foot drop,” Handing in her says Kris. “Gumby went notice as an invigilator first, jumped off the at an Edinburgh art gallery, his thencliff and hit a rock on the landing. He girlfriend Venessa (or Ness as she’s was fine, but told me to go bigger to known) joined him at his parents’ avoid it. I hiked further up, launched to be his carer. Initially housebound, off and overshot the steep slope, Kris regained enough strength after landing on the flat after 30 feet of air.

My legs couldn’t take the impact and several months to make visits to a local Christian school for children my body just crunched forward. My with special needs, where Ness had skis flew off and all I could feel was begun taking art classes. masses of pain in my back.

Never previously having come “My instant reaction was to grab into contact with kids in this kind my skis, so I jumped to my feet but of setting, Kris was profoundly moved immediately buckled over again. I 56

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© Nic k Cunard/NCSM Media www.ni ckc unard.co.uk

t h e s o u l m a n o f p o l z e at h

R e a d er ’ s Di g es t

in my life first. After they by their grit and courage.

The church is open every day of the year. left, I cried for hours. I At the same time, he got “It has the deepest couldn’t help thinking a real kick out of bringing soul,” says Kris about all the selfish things his own experiences and I’d done in my life.” wisdom to bear. “It really lifted him,” remembers Ness.

But Kris was still in considerable Kris and Ness decided that now discomfort, unable to work a full was the time to move on and make a day. Then one afternoon, his parents’ new life for themselves, independent vicar phoned the house, asking to of his parents’ influence. So, piling come over and pray for Kris. their possessions into an old camper Reluctant at first, Kris eventually van, they opted to head south to relented. The vicar brought along Cornwall, where they’d previously a man who claimed to have healed spent a magical summer together. his 70-year-old wife’s broken neck Although the mourning process was through prayer. a long one, surfing eventually came to “As they prayed, I remember take the place of skiing in Kris’s heart, feeling this deep sense of peace. even though his injuries still held him They said that God would heal me, back from participating fully. but I needed to sort out a few things Not long after their arrival in 08•2015

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t h e s o u l m a n o f p o l z e at h

Kris with Joff Phipps, 24, who plays in Kris’s band The Grenaways, and is also cafe manager of The Tube

Mawgan Porth, near Newquay, Kris went to see a specialist. He said an operation was possible, but there was a 50 per cent chance he’d never walk again. The thought of this playing heavily on his mind, Kris decided instead to put his faith in God. Now seemed the time to act on the vicar’s counsel a few months back, so he ditched the “last of the bad habits” from his skiing days— mainly a penchant for dope—and proposed to Ness. To honour this commitment, they resolved to live apart until their wedding day.

“Two weeks after I moved out, 58

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my back stopped hurting and never bothered me again,” says Kris. “It was never tested medically, but in my heart I felt I’d been healed.”

Over the next decade, Kris built up a community in Newquay around surfing, music and Christianity, becoming the youth pastor of Newquay Christian Centre before leading the town’s Christian Surfers group. But he felt something still wasn’t right.

“I struggled with church culture,” remembers Kris. “It didn’t relate to the core lifestyle in Newquay of

surfing, music and pubs. Churches can create this bubble that people find hard to be a part of.”

But then fate intervened: Reverend Gareth Hill, the Methodist superintendent for the area, announced that he was inviting bids to compete for a pot of money to revive the fortunes of Polzeath Methodist Church. Despite its spectacular location overlooking Polzeath beach, the church was lucky if it attracted a congregation in double figures, with an average age less than 60.

Naturally enough, some in the village spotted a development opportunity. Valuable as the site was, neither Gareth nor the other four elderly members of the church council wanted to see it go the way of other similar rural buildings, converted into pubs, holiday flats and the like. But at the same time, it was running at a loss, costing more and more money to maintain.

Taking their cue from Gareth, Kris and his close friend Henry devised the idea of a “surfers’ church”: a multi-functional space open every day all year round, firmly pitched at serving the needs of the local community, as well as visitors. Beating off eight rival bids in the process, Henry and Kris triumphed.

R e a d er ’ s Di g es t

True to their word, they set about exhaustively consulting with the local community.

“We were quite overwhelmed at first,” claims Kris. “We thought, What have we got ourselves into! But then, after speaking to people, a clearer picture began to emerge.”

The local kids had been pining for a skate ramp, and an internet cafe was also high on the community wish list. All of this was incorporated into the church’s redesign, with a halfpipe ramp constructed in the space previously occupied by the altar— much to the credit of the four elderly members of the oversight team who signed off on it.

The rejuvenated church was christened The Tube, a reference to When Kris and his co-founder Henry asked the community what they wanted, a skate ramp and an internet cafe were at the top of the list

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t h e s o u l m a n o f p o l z e at h

(Left) Venessa, Kris’s wife, creator of the Zeath Art Gallery.

Exhibiting artists can work in the gallery in return for a vastly reduced commission; (below) residents and visitors enjoy The Tube

its affinity with surfing (tubes being the waves that surfers seek to catch). Although some were initially wary of the religious element, Kris and Henry’s intensive consultations— and habit of delivering on their word, gradually won people over.

Eight and half years on, the church has reached a point where it often can’t accommodate all its Sunday worshippers.

Congregations of up to 300 are common—particularly in the summer months—and these visitors will often stay for the day, bringing much-valued trade to the town.

Some of them may well peruse the Zeath Art gallery, established by Ness in a shop space also owned by the church.

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R e a d er ’ s Di g es t

Then there’s the Jesus Long Board Challenge, now in its eighth year.

This is an old-school surfing event for all ages, founded by Kris and run from The Tube, which is regarded by Christian and non-Christian surfers alike as the most popular event of its kind in the UK. “It has the deepest soul,” says Kris.

On a more personal level, Kris’s band The Grenaways, featuring Henry on drums, have been signed to a well-regarded Sheffield label and are about to release their first album.

Another band member is 24-year-old Joff Phipps, The Tube’s cafe manager for the past two years.

Originally from Devon, Joff had a difficult time growing up, largely on account of his bedridden father.

Consequently, he found himself drifting through life without purpose, eventually ending up working in a restaurant in Newquay. Here he met Kris and Henry, who spontaneously invited him to join the band and

apply for a vacant post at The Tube.

“I was a bit of a waster and didn’t have any experience, but Kris and Henry gave me the opportunity and trusted me,” says Joff. “It just completely changed my life.”

The Tube, and Kris’ association with it, continues to make a

difference to the community and individual lives today. There’s a parents and toddlers group, a new season of talks, back-to-work clubs, computer literacy for the over 60s and business networking events.

“Seasonal communities can so easily have their soul stripped from them,” concludes Kris. “It can become all about the commercial aspect. This is about creating a community and feeling the spirit, whatever that means to each person.”

Visit tubestation.org for more information.

You can also check out Kris’s band The Grenaways on thegrenaways.com

THE perfect prank?

“Every time I go to my friend’s house, I rotate his TV another inch to the left.”

“When you’re talking to someone, instead of looking at their face, look at their ear.”

“Say ‘no pun intended’ occasionally after saying something normal in conversation. Most people don’t want to look stupid and will laugh awkwardly while trying to figure out what the pun was.” source: tHECHIME.com

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INSPIRE

Best of British

Coastal

Walks By laura d ea n-osgood

62

Britain’s coasts boast some spectacular views—and what better way to see them than by foot? Here, some keen ramblers reveal their favourites

To reach many of the secluded beaches in Norfolk, you’ll have to trek through the tall pine forests towards the sea, but the reward at the end is well worth it. Our travel editor chose a walk that starts at a beach, which is itself over a mile from the road.

“Wild Burnham Overy Staithe is windy and rugged, and home to more than a few boats,” says Cathy. “Thanks to the vast flatness of the north Norfolk coast, all you’ll see is a huge expanse of cornflower-blue skies bracketed by the wild greenery of the coast. Walking this stretch of the Norfolk Coast Path—through Holkham, with its huge sandy beach—will take you past salts marshes, sand dunes and only the occasional other walker. Low tide is when the walk is at its most picturesque, and big skies mean big sunsets.”

The Norfolk Coastal Path stretches 45 miles, and can of course can be walked in small chunks over days, weeks or even years.

■ Visit norfolk.gov.uk for details

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Cathy Adams Reader’s Digest travel editor Route: Norfolk Coast Path 3–45 miles previ ous image: © Marc Hi ll/Alam y / © Ji m Laws/A lam y / © NorthScape /Al amy

best of british

The Jurassic coast, which runs through Dorset and East Devon, is spectacular, with rugged cliffs, sweeping beaches and magnificent rock formations. On this figure-of-eight walk, you’ll see a bit of everything.

Setting off from the Anchor Inn in Seatown, you’ll walk to the highest cliff on the south coast, rising between Lyme Regis and Bridport, before enjoying the spectacular views from the top.

“On a clear day you can see as far as Start Point in Devon, across the Chesil to Portland Bill,” says Nicky Philpott of the Ramblers. “Take time to head down to St Gabriel’s Mouth, where you’’ll find a secret smugglers’ beach.”

R e a d er ’ s Di g es t

Nicky Philpott Ramblers Route: Golden Cap, Dorset 8.6 miles

■ Visit ramblers.org.uk for details 08•2015

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best of british

“The reason I first set out to do this walk is because I really wanted to see seals,” says Ramblers Cymru’s Elly Hannigan. “It’s absolutely amazing to look down at the pretty, secluded, rocky shores and see seal pups resting while seals play in the water.”

This circular walk, which starts at Marloes Sands, a vast sandy beach on the south coast of Elly Hannigan Wales, treats you to the very best of the wildlife Ramblers Cymru found in this area. As well as seals, which are easiest to spot in later months, walkers Route: might see birds of prey and puffins, Marloes Peninsula 5 miles who inhabit the peninsula.

As you head off from the car park and around the coast line, you’ll be treated to stunning views, grazing livestock, vast meadows and captivating geographical features. You can even take a dip on one of the sandy beaches.

© nobleIMAGES/Alam y / © BANANA PANCAKE/Alam y

■ Visit ramblers.org.uk for details

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R e a d er ’ s Di g es t

This walk along the coast line at Seven Sisters country park on the south coast has it all: white cliffs, a lighthouse and scenic rolling hills.

“Actually, there’s seven of the hills, hence the name,” says Sarah Brealey, a member of the walking group Metropolitan Walkers. “Each hill is achievable in stature, but collectively more than enough to give you a feeling that you’ve earned your pint (or ice-cream, or tea and cake) at the end.”

The Sisters are a series of chalk cliffs, which form part of the sprawling South Downs, and views from the top are breathtaking. “The Seven Sisters are easily accessible from London,” says Sarah, “but they feel a world away.” It’s a regular destination for the Metropolitan Walkers.

■ Visit metropolitanwalkers.org.uk for details

Sarah Brealey Member of Metropolitan Walkers Route: Seven Sisters, East Sussex Various routes

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“My favourite walk beside the sea is to Llanddwyn Island (Ynys LLanddwyn) located in southwest Anglesey,” says Lou Johnson, the founder of Walking Britain.

“The walk, which is short and easy, includes a section of sandy beach, a rocky headland, historic ruins and great views of Snowdonia across the Menai Strait. Given the right weather conditions you also get to feel the power of the sea as waves crash against the rocky promontory.

“The start of the walk is hidden in trees and the walk slowly unfolds as you make progress towards the headland, with its former lighthouse standing sentinel over the seascape spread out before you.”

■ Visit walkingbritain.co.uk for details 68

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Lou Johnson Walking Britain Route: Llanddwyn Island, Anglesey 4 miles

© shutterstock/matt_trai n / © G raham Uney/A lam y

best of british

“There’s so much coast to the UK with so much variety—all appealing in its own way. But the west coast of Scotland is my favourite coastal area of all,” says David Stewart of Walking World.

“The Balranald Nature Reserve on the western tip of North Uist epitomises the elemental nature of this coastline. It’s not classically picturesque or even particularly spectacular, but it has a raw beauty, often enhanced by being bathed in a soft, fine light,” David adds.

North Uist in the Outer Hebrides is an island with a population of just 1,300. The ferry ride alone from Skye is perfect for spotting birds and seals—the island is Europe’s largest breeding colony, and the coastline is simply beautiful.

Says David, “Gaze out west into the prevailing wind and you’re very aware that there’s nothing but sea between here and North America.”

R e a d er ’ s Di g es t

DAVID STEWART Walking World Route: Nort Uist, Outer Hebrides 3.7 miles

■ Visit walkingworld.co.uk for details Do you have a favourite walk you’d love to share?

Email us at readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

08•2015 |

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INSPIRE

Send us your holiday snaps—it could win you £400 or a luxury holiday in Turkey!

Family Holiday Photo

Competition sponsored by

There’s still plenty of time to enter our photo competition.

l ’s Day in rura n on New Year e ec ni d an This was take ft) y daughter (le Wales with m

Simply take a compelling picture that sums up your experience of family holidays. We’re looking for unusual approaches, so don’t restrict yourself to the obvious portraits. Families and holidays are broad categories, so use your imagination!

It will be judged by the Reader’s Digest editorial team with the help of professional photographer James Eckersley, and the winning entries will be published in our October issue. Turn the page for entry details and a description of the first holiday for two: the Magnificent Turkey tour.

Details of the other holiday will be published in our next issue.

This was taken at Llantwit Major be ach in South Wales, in the afternoon of a winter day

Photographer Chris George tells the story behind these holiday photos.

just moving closer or further away from your subject.

Photos courtesy of CHRIS George: www.CHRI SGEORGE.co.uk

little girl and dog The setting sun

It was a beautiful evening and, as always, I was carrying a small camera to capture the moment. The girls had lots of fun jumping into the air against the setting sun. I experimented with a range of shutter speeds and exposures. Digital cameras are mostly fully automated, so it’s sometimes good to override these settings to achieve a nicer feel. Try setting the aperture quite wide to blur the background, or taking off the auto colour balance and setting it to daylight or shade, especially where there’s lots of grass or greenery.

Another tip is setting the zoom to standard—ie, not zooming in or out,

This picture isn’t of someone in my family, but I really liked the shape the dog and girl made against the low sunlight over the water. Lots of people don’t like taking pictures into the sun, but often these pictures, using contrejour lighting, are some of the best. It creates silhouettes, emphasising lines and shapes and hiding detail. Modern sensors often have a wide dynamic range, especially if you shoot using RAW format rather than JPEG. If you shoot in RAW, the detail in both the shadows and highlights can normally be restored to achieve a nicer look. A relatively high shutter speed freezes motion, so once again it’s better to override the automatic settings.

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F A M I LY H O L I D AY P H O T O C O M P E ti T I O N

Details of Tour 1: Magnificent Turkey DAY 1: ARRIVAL Arrive at Istanbul and get whisked away to your luxury hotel, where you’ll meet your tour manager.

DAY 2: ISTANBUL Journey into the ancient quarter for a visit to the grand Topkapi Palace, the magnificent Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque. Retire to your hotel in Tekirdag on the Sea of Marmara.

DAY 3: GALLIPOLI & TROY After a coach journey to Canakkale, visit Gallipoli and take a ferry ride to the Asian side of Turkey. After a visit to Troy, check into a hotel in Ayvalik.

DAY 4: EPHESUS Visit Ephesus, Basilica of St John.

Finish the day with a wine tasting in Sirince, an authentic Turkish village, then return to hotel in Kusadasi.

how to enter J Take a high-resolution photo with either a phone or digital camera.

After saving it as a jpeg no larger than 2MB, go to readersdigest.co.uk/ photo-comp and use the form to upload. Entries must be in no later than 5pm, September 1, 2015.

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DAY 5: PAMUKKALE Visit Hieropolis and the hot springs of Pamukkale, one of the world’s most beautiful natural wonders. Retire to your spa hotel in Pammukale.

DAY 6: TAURUS MOUNTAINS Visit a handcraft exhibition and view rug- and kilim-making, an ancient J There are two categories—one for adults and one for under-18s. The under-18s prize is £400, while the adults winner can choose between a pair of holidays for two supplied by our sponsor: Magnificent Turkey (above) or Hidden Treasures (see next issue).

J Please mark your entry “Adult” or “Under 18” when submitting.

Reader’s Digest

© Kristina P ostnikova/SHUTTERSTOCK

the holiday

Anatolian tradition. Take in the beautiful Taurus Mountains on a coach journey back to Antalya.

DAY 7: ANTALYA Take in the “Turkish Riviera”. Start with the city centre, with the famous Three Gates, the Old Town castle and historic harbour, then enjoy the breathtaking Karpuz Kaldiran waterfall.

DAY 8: DEPARTURE Rules: Please ensure that all pictures are original, taken specifically for this competition and not previously published. Please include your full name, age, postal address, email address and daytime phone number with all correspondence. If you’re under 16 you must ask your parent or guardian’s permission to enter this competition. We may use entries in all print and electronic media.

We cannot acknowledge or return your entry.

■ Seven nights’ accommodation in selected fivestar hotels.

■ Return flights and transfers.

■ Daily buffet breakfasts and evening meals at the hotel.

■ Daily lunches at different authentic Turkish restaurants.

■ Welcome cocktail upon arrival.

■ Modern airconditioned coaches.

■ Dedicated, friendly Englishspeaking guide.

■ Entrance fees to all sites and museums visited.

■ No hidden fees!

Contributions become world copyright of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest).

Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with this competition, their immediate families, and relatives living in an employee’s household. The judges’ decision is final. n 08•2015

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INSPIRE

His Holiness the Dalai Lama, who’s just turned 80, is one of the world’s foremost religious leaders, yet he says...

EIsthics More

Religion

by Franz Alt

74

Photo: © Naegele/laif

Important Than

He dalai lama

wears ordinary sandals and the smile

on his face is benign. Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, and I have met more than 30 times in 33 years, and hardly ever have I interviewed anyone so empathic. No one laughs more than he does.

According to surveys, he’s the world’s best-liked person. The news is anything but surprising. “I know no enemies,” he said to me more than 20 years ago. “There are just people I haven’t met yet.”

Although Chinese occupation has forced him to live outside his Tibetan homeland since 1959, he feels no hatred for the Chinese and their leaders.

On the contrary. “Of course I pray for the Communist leaders in Beijing,” he says. Despite his age, the Dalai Lama is confident that he will live to see the resolution of the conflict with China over his homeland Tibet.

In the last few years, the Dalai Lama has called more and more insistently for an ethic that transcends religion.

Today, at the age of 80, he proclaims a view that is surely unique for a religious leader: “Ethics is more important

We don’t arrive in this world as members of a particular religion.

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than religion,” he says. “We don’t arrive in this world as members of a particular religion. But ethics is innate.”

One of his central beliefs is that in the pursuit of happiness and the desire to avoid suffering, all human beings are alike.

Franz Alt: After the terrorist attack in Paris, you said, “There are days when I think it would be better if there were no religions!” What did you mean?

Dalai Lama: The knowledge and the practice of religion has of course been helpful, but today this is no longer enough, as examples from all over the world show more and more clearly.

This is true of all religions, including Christianity and Buddhism. Wars have been waged in the name of religion, “holy wars” even. Religions have been and still are frequently intolerant.

This is why I say that in the 21st century we need a new ethic that transcends all religions. Far more crucial than religion is our elementary human spirituality. It’s a predisposition

towards love, kindness and affection that we all have within us, whatever religion we belong to. In my view, people can do without religion, but they cannot do without inner values, without ethics.

FA: What gave you the idea that we need more spirituality than the traditional religions have to offer?

DL: I’ve been in Indian exile for 56 years. It’s a society that lives by a secular ethic. Mahatma Gandhi was profoundly religious, but he was also a secular spirit. He was a great admirer of Jesus and his pacifism of the Sermon on the Mount. He’s my role model because he embodied religious tolerance. This tolerance is a deeply rooted force in India. With very few exceptions, we find not only Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims and Christians living there in peace, but also Jainists, Buddhists, Jews, agnostics and atheists.

FA: Among the six billion “believers” in the world, there are many who do not take their own religion seriously.

DL: Among those six billion there are unfortunately many corrupt people who only pursue their own interests.

But there will only be more external peace on Earth when there’s more internal peace. This is true of all the conflicts going on now—Ukraine, the Middle East, Afghanistan, Nigeria.

Almost everywhere, religious fundamentalism is one of the causes for war. We know very well that it would

Re a d e r ’ s Di g es t

Happiness isn’t just a coincidence.

It’s a capacity that every individual has at their disposal be tantamount to collective suicide if we were to risk nuclear war. This alone shows how dependent we are on one another.

Modern neurobiological research suggests very strongly that altruistic behaviour is more rewarding than egoism. People don’t have to be selfish; they can just as easily be altruistic and gear their activities to the welfare of others. Altruism makes us happier!

Happiness isn’t just a coincidence; it’s a capacity that every individual has at their disposal. Step by step we can transform the factors that militate against happiness. This is true of individuals and the whole of society.

The aim of secular ethic is to free us of long-term suffering and to develop the ability to support others in the pursuit of happiness. One aspect of compassion is the spontaneous willingness to act for the welfare of others.

FA: You attach great importance to modern brain research. Why? DL: Our brain is a learning organ.

Neuropsychology tells us that we can 08•2015

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train our brains like we train our muscles. In this way we can be consciously recipient to the fine and the good, we can influence our brains positively and overcome what’s negative. With the aid of mind and spirit we can change our brains for the better. This is revolutionary progress.

Thanks to this progress we’re now more certain of the fact that ethics, compassion and social behaviour are things we’re born with, while religion is something instilled into us.

The conclusion from that is that ethics runs deeper and is more natural than religion.

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FA: What questions must we ask ourselves to further develop our capacity for compassion?

DL: Are we open-minded or narrowminded? Have we considered the whole situation or are we only concerned with partial aspects? Are we thinking and acting holistically? Do we genuinely look at things in a longterm perspective or only in the short term? Are our actions truly motivated by sincere compassion? Is our compassion limited to family and friends because we’re largely able to identify with them?

We must reflect, reflect, reflect. And

Photo: © Cen tral P ress/Getty Images

The world’s most prominent refugee arrives in Delhi on September 7, 1959, on his first visit to the Indian capital since seeking asylum

we need research, research and more research. Ethics has mainly to do with our spiritual condition and not with the formal membership in a religious community. We must overcome our self-imposed restrictions and learn to understand the views of others.

In the present conflict in Ukraine, this means that eastern Europe needs western Europe and western Europe needs eastern Europe. So talk to each other! Realise that we are living in an age of globalisation. The new motto must be, “Your interests are our interests.” Fundamentalism is always harmful. Yesterday’s ideas will get us nowhere. Especially for children, tomorrow’s adults, ethics is more important than religion.

Egoism, natinonalism and violence are the wrong course. The most important question for a better world is: “How can we serve each other?”

FA: Ever y day we wipe out 150 animal and plant species, blow 150 million tons of greenhouse gases into the air. What can a secular ethic do to stop this?

DL: Mindfulness, education, respect, tolerance, caring and non-violence. In the last century we made huge progress in material terms. All in all, this was a good thing. But this progress has also led to the crippling damage we’re doing to the environment. In the 21st century we must learn, cultivate and apply inner values at all levels.

There are two ways of looking at

Re a d e r ’ s Di g es t

We’re living in an age of globalisation.

The new motto must be, “Your interests are our interests” human nature. One of them says that by nature human beings are violent, ruthless and aggressive. The other view is that we’re naturally attuned to kindness, harmony and living in peace. This second view is my own.

Accordingly, I don’t consider ethics to be a collection of commandments and prohibitions for us to observe and adhere to, but a natural, inner drive that can inspire us to seek happiness and satisfaction for ourselves and others.

The very simple wish that inspires me is to contribute to the greater good of humanity and the living world.

Ethical instruction from about the age of 14 is more important than religion. Education changes everything.

People are capable of learning. In Germany we can see this from the fall of the Berlin Wall. Witnessing that was an unforgettable experience for me.

FA: What can each and every one of us do to make the world a more peaceful and a better place?

DL: If we want to make this world a better place, then we have to become 08•2015

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dalai lama

better ourselves. We have to see our enemies as human beings. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus calls this “loving your enemy”. In our own best interests, we should do everything in our power to ensure that all living beings can thrive. For that we need spiritual schooling and education of the heart.

The real enemy is the enemy within, not the external one. External enmities never last, and the enmity between China and Tibet is no exception. If we respect our enemies, there

is hope that some day they can become our friends.

This is why my allegiance to nonviolence is unswerving. That’s an intelligent form of love of enemies.

Intense meditation tells us that enemies can become our best friends. In this way we can achieve greater serenity, greater compassion and greater acumen. Then we have a real chance of making the 21st century a century of peace, a century of dialogue, and a century of caring, responsible and compassionate humanity.

The Dalai Lama’s Appeal to the World By Franz Alt © 2015 by Franz Alt, is published by Benevento Publishing, Salzburg

a brief Chronology 1935 The future Dalai Lama is born in Tibet on July 6 as the son of a farmer.

At the age of two he’s recognised as the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama and enthroned in Lhasa at the age of four and a half. He’s given the name Tenzin Gyatso.

1950 The People’s Liberation Army of China occupies Tibet. The Dalai Lama, 15, assumes full political power over his country.

1954 He travels to Beijing for peace talks with Mao Zedong, Zhou Enlai and Deng Xiaoping—to no avail.

1959 The Tibetan uprising against Chinese rule is quelled by the Chinese; 90,000 Tibetans lose their lives; thousands more flee Tibet. The Dalai Lama establishes a government-in-exile at Dharamsala.

1966–1976 During the Chinese Cultural Revolution, almost all of the 6,000 monasteries in Tibet are razed to the ground.

1987 The Dalai Lama announces a “middle way”. Tibet no longer calls for independence from China, merely autonomy within the Chinese state.

1989 He is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

2011 The Dalai Lama hands over political leadership of Tibet to Lobsang Songay, elected prime minister of the government-in-exile in a free ballot. The Dalai Lama proclaims his desire to live on as an “ordinary monk in a monastery”, but many Tibetans still accord him something akin to divine status. —FA

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INSPIRE

Doctor, journalist, broadcaster and comedian Phil Hammond campaigns for patient empowerment, open data in healthcare and an atittude of self-responsibility

If I Ruled the World Phil Hammond Dogs would be available on prescription from the NHS. In 90 per cent of cases, you’re better off with a dog than drugs. Dogs reduce blood pressure, cholesterol (because they always want to eat your food or go for a walk) and give you unconditional love. You take your exercise in green spaces with open skies, instead of a smelly gym. They bring you into contact with other people—and keep you supple when you pick up their mess.

People would plan a good death. That may sound a bit grim and, being British, it isn’t something we 82

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illustrated by Jam es S mith

I’d make “The Love Train” every national anthem. I believe that the point of life is to be loved and to love—yet we forget it all the time. It’d be a much happier world if we were constantly reminded of the first lines of The O’Jays’ hit song, “People all over the world, join hands, start a love train.”

like to talk about (along with mental health and sex). But dying and bereavement are part of life. The biggest gift health carers and family can give patients and loved ones is help with planning a decent death in a place of their choice—normally at home. And it might save the NHS, because so much money is spent on people at the end of their lives.

I’d criminalise bad food. So a transfatty gristle burger would be a Class A food, and whoever produced it would be locked up. A Victoria Sponge would be Class C; have it yourself but don’t push it on other people. I’d also make it compulsory to eat from the underside of your plate on the little circle there— that’s a healthy amount. We’re all eating too much and it’s killing us.

in buildings, and so horrid and stinky if you do, that we end up taking the lift. I work in a wonderful, old spa hospital in Bath that has a lovely, wide spiral staircase—I leap up it.

Patients would take no more than five pills a day. One woman I knew was so confused at the amount of pills she had to take, she’d empty the month’s supply in a bag and then take 28 at random each day. Doctors need to say to patients, “You can take this cholesterol-lowering drug if you want, but out of 1,000 people it may save two lives. Do you still want to take it?” Most people would say no.

First Aid training would be given to people coming to A&E for minor injuries. A paper cut, for example, is not something that requires a doctor.

Self-care is at the heart of healthcare.

We’d turn off screens for an hour each day. And we’d enjoy that hour by going outside. I work with young people with chronic fatigue syndrome. One of the possible contributing factors is that they’re spending too much time, both in school and at home, looking at screens. A recent survey conducted in the US revealed that school children could identify 100 corporate logos but only five wild flowers.

Every day would contain five portions of fun. Fruit and vegetables too, of course, but we should strive to make sure every day has happy memories. Then, just as important, we’d spend 15 minutes alone to reflect on those moments. Re-living good times in our brain is excellent for mental health, and helps to cultivate a positive attitude to life.

As told to Caroline Hutton

Stairs would be beautiful and accessible to encourage us to walk up them. They’re often hard to find

Dr Phil Hammond’s latest book Staying Alive: How to Get the Best from the NHS is out now.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/INSPIRE

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travel & adventure

Ever-more-mammoth container ships ply the oceans between Asia and Europe, bringing everything we want By Robert Kiener

Colo

The Maersk McKinney-Moller, one of the new EEE-class ships

s s us of the seas

I

t’s jusT AFTER FOUR in the morn-

ing and I’m in a 60-foot pilot boat, other wise known as the Aquila, that’s p l ow i ng t h rou g h one-and-a-halffoot waves some 12 miles off the southwest coast of Holland. A light fog shrouds the North Sea and a mild rain falls. The Aquila’s captain turns to me and points to a glowing green dot on the radar screen in front of him. “She’s dead ahead,” he shouts over the noise of the engine and the rain splattering off the boat’s windshield.

In just a few minutes I will board the EEE-class Marie Maersk, one of the world’s largest container ships, with locally based pilot Sytze Kijlstra, who will help guide the giant vessel into the port of Rotterdam. Kijlstra tells me to follow him as he steps out of the boat’s cosy cabin, a waterproof laptop computer and portable navigation system tucked deftly beneath his right arm.

As we stand on the deck of the Aquila, the Marie Maersk emerges from the fog. I’m stunned. Nothing has prepared me for the sheer bulk of the massive £120 million, year-old container ship. It’s bigger than an aircraft carrier. It is as high as a 20-sto86

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rey building and the length of four football fields.

The Marie Maersk can hold 18,270 containers, 2,500 more than the largest ship held just two years ago. If all these containers were loaded onto one train, it would need to be 70 miles long. The ship is so large that only a few deep-water ports in the world can accommodate it; currently all are located in Asia and Europe.

As the Aquila’s captain expertly pulls alongside the Marie Maersk, I look up at the massive blue steel hull and see crew members opening a hatch about halfway up the ship. Then they unfurl a 30-foot rope ladder. Kijlstra gingerly clambers up it and I follow, gripping the thick ropes tight. I remember what a Maersk official had told me about boarding this ship: “Be careful. It will be dark. It can be dangerous. And it can be a bit scary.”

She was right. Climbing up a rope ladder onto a moving ship in the dead of night, miles out at sea, is not for the faint-hearted. Finally near the pilot door, strong arms grab me and pull me safely into the ship. Jacob Meyer Skou, the ship’s chief officer, an affable Dane with 20 years of sailing experience, steadies me and greets me with a smile: “Welcome aboard the Marie Maersk.”

“Changing course to zero-ninefive. Engine speed to half ahead.”

Kijlstra relays new course coordinates and ship speed to Captain Ole Bech

p hoto, previous sp read: © John Francis Peters

colossus of the sea

Reader’s Digest

photo: courtesy ma ersk

An EEE-class ship is a hulking presence in the port of Copenhagen

Nielsen, 57, who stands nearby at the high-tech control console.

Although Nielsen controls the ship, for the next several hours he will rely on Kijlstra’s expertise to guide the massive container ship into the port of Rotterdam. “The pilot knows the local waters, the port and the traffic like the back of his hand,” explains Nielsen. “As another captain once said, we may own the car but he owns the parking lot.”

Kijlstra, who will be in constant contact with port authorities, has installed his own portable GPS navigation system on the ship to use during the time he’s on board. “It’s accurate down to one centimetre,” he says.

Such pinpoint accuracy is paramount. In some places there may be only a few metres’ clearance between

the hull and the seabed. A mistake here, such as a ship being grounded, could cost the shipping lines millions in lost time and revenues.

“Time is money,” says Nielsen, who explains that the Marie Maersk, one of Maersk’s 15 new EEE-class ships that ply the route from Asia to Europe, has to keep to a tight schedule.

A delivery delay can be disastrous for stores in lost sales revenues, and for manufacturers who may have to delay their production schedules.

“And we have perishable food in refrigerated containers (‘reefers’) that have to be unloaded and shipped to supermarkets.”

After leaving Korea 32 days ago and stopping in seven ports, including China, the Marie Maersk is scheduled to unload 1,525 containers in 08•2015

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colossus of the sea

Rotterdam. Since this is an “import” call, just 28 containers will be taken on board at this stop.

T

oday’s EEE behemoths are a far cry from the ships of just a few decades ago. “The first Maersk ship I joined in 1975 could carry 10,000 tons,” says Nielsen.

“It was considered a ‘big ship’ then.

Today we carry 20 times as much in just one ship! Back then it could take a week to unload and load a ship. Now we do it in less than 24 hours.”

Maersk’s 20-ship EEE fleet—five are still under construction—is costing the company over £2.4 billion. The family-owned conglomerate, which is the world’s largest container shipping company, is betting that an expanding global economy will keep these megaships filled to capacity on the lucrative Asia-Europe route. Last year Maersk made a profit of over a billion pounds.

But there are many challenges ahead, including falling freight rates in response to stalling or shrinking economies in Europe and China, and overcapacity in the container shipping industry. China Shipping recently launched a new ship, the CSCL Globe, seven feet longer than EEE-class ships and capable of carrying 19,100 containers. “We’re not using the full capacity of our EEE’s yet,” says Miranda van der Meijden, Maersk line’s director of trade and marketing for the Netherlands cluster.

By just past 8am, Kijlstra, with the

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assistance of two powerful tugboats that have been nudging and hauling the Marie Maersk, has threaded the needle of scores of other ships, barges and watercraft on the Maas River and entered Rotterdam’s busy Europahaven container port. Now Kijlstra and Nielsen are negotiating a dramatic 180-degree turn to starboard, with the help of the tugs and the ship’s bow thrusters, powerful propellers that help move the ship sideways.

The thrusters help ease the 1,300foot ship into its 1,500-foot “parking space” at the dock, and the port’s crew fix the ship’s mooring lines to bollards on shore.

A finely CHOREOGRAPHED unloading process begins. A virtual army of deckers and port workers swarms over the ship’s containers and along the quayside.

Five massive 400-foot-tall ship-toshore cranes are slowly wheeled into position along the ship’s starboard side. Their 230-foot-long lifting arms are lowered into place across the entire 180-foot width of the ship. These cranes are capable of lifting 100 tons.

It takes an average of just two minutes to take off each container.

A team of port controllers oversee the entire process, via a bank of video monitors and two-way radios, from a nearby four-storey high, glassed-in control room.

The unloading process follows a strict game plan that details exactly

which containers are to be removed and where they are to be placed.

“Fresh food such as bananas and fresh meat has to be placed on a waiting truck for immediate delivery to grocery customers,” explains APM Terminals’ operations support manager Jos van Peperstraten.

“Other containers may go to a barge to be transported via rivers into Europe, onto a train or stored here at the port for later trans-shipment.”

Twin 32-foot propellers are fitted onto a ship in Korea

photo: © John Fran cis P eters

W h i l e u n l oad i n g continues, some of the

crew grab a quick dinner in the ship’s mess hall. I meet Robert Aldrin Martinez, 43, one of the ship’s several able-bodied (ordinary) seamen. He’s on a fourhour break awaiting the start of his next shift.

Martinez, who is from the Philippines, has been a seaman for 17 years and quickly admits that the Marie Maersk is the “most comfortable” ship he’s ever worked on. “It’s huge and takes some time to know your way around it,” he says, “but there’s lots to do here.” Adds Menandro Lopez, 46, another crew member from the Philippines, “It’s great but we’re also away from our families a long time.”

Each of the 21 crew members has his (they are all male) own cabin with private bathroom. Nielsen’s quarters consist of a roomy 90-square-foot bedroom and an adjoining day room.

Martinez and Lopez, like the ship’s other able-bodied seamen, who are the lowest-ranking crew members, are on board for six months at a time, (working two four-hour shifts a day), flown home by Maersk for several months, then back for their next “rotation.” By contrast, the captain and senior officers do 11–13 weeks 08•2015

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colossus of the sea

MAERSK EEE 340 meters EIFFEL TOWER 324 meters TITANIC 269 meters

aboard and the same time at home. “I do miss my wife and my baby daughter,” admits Martinez. “But I talk to them on Skype and keep in touch with email.” Each Saturday the entire crew, except for one on-duty officer, sits down together for a lavish dinner— usually steak and potatoes, followed by ice cream. But alcohol is always forbidden on board.

T

he final container is unloaded by dusk and loading begins just after 7pm. So far, so good. However, loading a container ship is more complex than unloading. Dockers have to follow a detailed load list, devised by a Maersk stowage planner. Containers have to be stowed on board in just the right order so they can be unloaded at a future port without having to move other containers. Cargo ships have split apart and sunk due to uneven weight distribution or shifting cargo.

By 9pm the last container has been loaded onto the Marie Maersk. With a new pilot aboard, the captain radios his crew to remove the slip lines. It is now 11.30pm. “We’re a little bit ahead of schedule,” says Nielsen as he takes up his position on the bridge. He explains that Maersk’s EEEs lead the industry in on-time reliability scores, meeting arrival and departure deadlines over 99 per cent of the time.

Next stop, Bremerhaven, Germany.

Then it’s back Rotterdam to take on containers before the Marie Maersk begins another 37-day voyage to Korea, halfway around the world.

so said socrates...

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy.

If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

GOODREADS.COM

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travel & adventure Ngaire and her partner (below) foun Cappadoci d a “the most captivating place”

By C ath e r i n e Co l e

My Great Escape: Trekking In Turkey Ngaire Sharples from Croydon walks the rugged valleys of Cappadocia Last year, my partner and I went on a walking holiday in Cappadocia. Right in the centre

Catherine has danced in Rio, been microlighting in South Africa and hiked the mountains of Oman Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we include it on this page we’ll pay you £50. Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us 94

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08•2015

of Turkey, it’s an area of stunning natural beauty, with vast plains, rolling hills and volcanic peaks.

We were based at the family-run Green Hotel in the quiet, traditional village of Cavusin. Early every morning we would marvel at the sight of colourful hot-air balloons rising up from the rocks behind our hotel—there were over 100 each day—taking visitors for a bird’s-eye view of the rocky terrain.

Our minibus would drop us at a different point each day, leaving us to make our way through the various valleys on foot, enjoying the unique nature of each of the six gorges we trekked. We climbed the valley walls of Akvadi Valley and Pasabaglari Valley, which were stony and exposed, to Uchisar Citadel, the highest point in Cappadocia, which afforded amazing views across the hills and valleys. We followed tracks that the locals use, passing allotments of vines and vegetables, fed by the many streams that keep the valleys lush and green.

Each day brought new surprises, every time we turned a

corner on the hiking track, or passed through a tunnel in the rock. We found strange rock formations, cave churches, houses built into solid rock, and windows high in the cliff faces that were built to house pigeons. And most incredible of all, large plateaus of “fairy chimneys”— with soft volcanic rock at the bottom and hard basalt on top, eroded by wind and rain to hew out myriad shapes and sizes.

We also visited the fascinating underground city of Kaymakli—the largest of many in Cappadocia— and in the Zindanonu Valley we saw the painted cave churches of the Göreme open-air museum. It’s the most captivating place I’ve ever been.

© All Canada Photos/Alamy

■ A turkish delight Exodus offers an eight-day walking tour in Cappadocia, from £1,069 including flights, breakfast, some lunches and dinners, transport, accommodation and a guide (0845 287 3756; exodus.co.uk).

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■ A CITY SOJOURN Canadian Affair offers a five-night holiday to Toronto from £619pp, including return flights and accommodation based on two sharing at the Sheraton Centre (0207 616 9184; canadianaffair.com).

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t r av e l & a d v e n t u r e

Things To Do This Month Short/long haul: the wild side

attend London’s Notting Hill Carnival —held over bank holiday weekend in west London—with good reason.

Enjoy vibrant costumes, tasty Jamaican snacks and an unrivalled celebration of West Indian culture (thelondonnottinghillcarnival.com).

■ stay: The five-star Lanesborough has just reopened following extensive renovations. Expect vast suites, decadent afternoon tea and butler service as standard. Rooms from £715 per night. (020 7259 5599; lanesborough.com).

■ swim: London is blessed with several outdoor lidos, the original and best being the Hampstead Heath ponds. If it’s a hot day, the natural ponds—split into a men’s, women’s and mixed pool—are the best way to cool down in pretty surroundings. (cityoflondon.gov.uk).

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Long: Tahiti is endearingly photogenic, and from the deck of a boat it’s even more so. Explore some of the most remote islands on earth or simply sit back and enjoy the aquamarine water. Turquoise Holidays offers a 13-night cruise on the Aranui III from £4,675pp (turquoiseholidays.co.uk).

Travel app of the month LoungeBuddy, Free, iOs, Android. This advises on the entry policies for all airport lounges, meaning in one click you can get away from the crowds (loungebuddy.com).

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photo courtesy dmcp ortfolio.com

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Short: The UK is home to a crisscrossing network of waterways, and the most relaxed way to enjoy them is to hire a canal boat for a week and navigate the locks and waterside pubs under your own steam (01252 796 400; waterwaysholidays.com).

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Adrift There’s been a recent surge in African migrants risking their lives to cross the sea to Europe. Award-winning director and reporter Dominique Mollard joined a migrant boat to film their struggle for a riveting documentary By a ma n da r i l e y- jo ne s

Under a full August moon, a rickety old canoe weighed down with desperate migrants creeps out from a hidden cove. They’re about to start the treacherous 700-mile journey from Mauritania to the Canary Islands.

Some of them have made the odyssey to Europe before­—only to be turned back. Others have lost good friends who died trying. Thousands perish at sea from exhaustion, exposure and shipwrecks.

No wonder they call this voyage “The Fight”.

“My story started in Nouakchott, Mauritania’s capital,” says Dominique Mollard, now 65, director of Adrift: People of a Lesser God. “I’d gone to interview migrants and traffickers.” He ended up spending two and half years in the region before 98

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“THERE ARE NO JOBS” Sharif*, a graduate in international relations, kept his back to the camera as he explained why he must come to Europe.

until a coup in 2005. “After a brief try at democracy, the country has had a series of military coups and a wave of Islamic extremism from neighbouring Algeria,” says Dominique. “Thousands of unemployed youths try their luck on anything they can lay their hands on.

Some are on the verge of clandestine escape to the north. Some fall prey to radical Islamist propaganda.”

Dominique recalls seeing Senegalese shipwreck survivors being delivered to a police headquarters. “Some couldn’t even make it to the shade and collapsed on the sand. They’d spent ten days in terrible conditions, but in the two hours I was with them, there wasn’t even a glass of water offered.

One kid, too afraid to ask the police, put up his hand and said to me, ‘Sir, could we have some water?’ ” Others are getting rich on the back of the humanitarian crisis. In the city

parents’ only hope. It’s only the young who can take this risk.

“Europe shouldn’t think of us as locusts. They have to understand what we’ve gone through to get here, leaving behind our families.”

“In Africa, we suffer a lot. Even after studying a long time, we don’t have jobs. There are no jobs. We were able to raise money among our relatives [for the boat].

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* Not his real name

© p revious i mage: Jua n Medi na

negotiating a place on a boat after more than 20 false starts.

“The traffickers make endless plans and want money in advance,” Dominique continues. “Sometimes the trip is $400, but then it’s $700. Some voted me out as they didn’t want a white man on board. You give them the money and they promise to collect you tomorrow. I had three failed attempts. They either took my money and disappeared or were caught by the police.”

The Islamic Republic of Mauritania is a poor, thinly-populated desert land twice the size of France, bordered by the Western Sahara, Algeria, Mali and Senegal, with the Atlantic to the west.

The people are largely Arab-Berber to the north and black African in the south, and many are nomads.

Mauritania was a French colony until 1960 and more recently has had a succession of repressive governments

of Rosso, a big crossing point between Mauritania and Senegal, Dominique saw the beautiful houses and cars of corrupt police involved in trafficking. after two and a half years and a payment of over $1,000, it was finally Dominique’s turn to attempt The Fight.

On the Wednesday night, he boarded a 46-foot canoe near Nouadhibou.

There were 38 on board, including four captains, various associates, Sally, a 19-year-old beauty queen from Mali travelling alone, and widow Cheila with her five-month-old baby.

“It was bitterly cold and damp,” says Dominique, who brought 20 bottles of mineral water, energy bars, lifejackets, a GPS and a satellite phone. “People only had the clothes they were wearing.

Cheila had a small bag with nappies and a Bible, but lost it in the sea. If all went well, we were going to reach the Canary Islands in five days.”

They lay side by side on the floor of the canoe, packed like sardines in their sou’westers. It was too noisy and windy to talk, and people were scared. The departure of the overloaded boat was laborious, but Suleiman from Mali was full of smiles, happy to be trying for the second time.

They spent two heart-wrenching hours searching for the mothership two or three miles out at sea in the dark, choppy waters. “They had no co-ordinates and they didn’t want to switch on any lights for fear of patrol boats,” explains Dominique.

Reader’s Digest

After a tricky transfer to the other boat, the travellers divided in two. At the stern were the management and at the bow were the “cattle”, who weren’t allowed to stand to stretch or even vomit because it “hindered the bosses’ views”. A yellow bucket was passed around as a toilet.

“Many of them had never seen the sea before and were deadly seasick— including Demba, who was supposed to be my bodyguard as I couldn’t predict the reaction to the presence of a toubab (white man) aboard.”

While most people slept, Dominique stayed awake apart from a few exhausted naps. “Once I was wet from the waves, the dampness got through the bones,” he remembers. “I tried to stretch out and get warm, but every inch you abandon is taken by neighbours’ elbows or feet.”

On the Thursday night, the brand new engine choked and died. They had to swap it for an old beaten-up one they’d taken along just in case. “The second engine worked and I was still optimistic we were going to make it,” remembers Dominique. tensions erupted every so often between the bow and the stern. But Jean from Cameroon was promoted from “cattle” because he knew how to steer.

“He held the boat straight for ten hours.

I tried for an hour and was wiped out,” says Dominique, who’s sailed across the Atlantic several times.

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“AFRICAN LEADERS COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT CITIZENS” Demba’s father was one of hundreds of thousands of West Africans who fought with the Allies against the Nazis. So the Senegalese man felt doubly betrayed when the consulate rejected his visa application.

He’d already tried to make the crossing to Europe. It had ended in disaster, with six men dying of exhaustion at sea. It was Demba, then a fish seller, who challenged Dominique to join him on The Fight.

“Hundreds leave and they never arrive—they die at sea. African leaders couldn’t care less about citizens. Everyone who has even a little power is there to profit and make their relatives profit. That’s something that pushes people into this move.

Once you’ve reached a certain level of suffering, you can do anything, win or lose.”

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getting rough. By that night, 48 hours after setting off, seawater was seeping into the boat. As fast as they bailed, it came back. And the engine was cutting out. They discovered that their fuel had been mixed with water, which they had to siphon off.

“When we bought it, we only saw the oil on top,” Dominique says. “The devils who sold it didn’t care about sending us to hell.” They also discovered that the customs officers had only given them 16 tanks of oil instead of the 21 they’d paid for.

They ended up rebuilding the second engine, but that died for good on the Friday night. “We were now in a desperate situation,” says Dominique.

“I called the emergency centre in the Canary Islands on my satellite phone and gave our co-ordinates. They said they had spotted a ship not too far off and ordered her to change course and come to our rescue.”

When they saw a ship about half a mile away, Dominique shot up a flare but it sailed on, disregarding the rule of the sea to help a vessel in distress. The buffeted canoe continued drifting and rolling through the darkness.

“The mood wasn’t good,” recalls Dominique. “They didn’t believe anyone would come to our rescue.”

At midday on Saturday, it was Suleiman who spotted the huge Russian tanker sent to rescue them. When the ship came alongside, the migrants all ran to the rope ladder. In the scramble, Cheila fell in the water between the

© Domi nique M ollard

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Reader’s Digest

two vessels. “I pulled her out of the water by her hair,” says Dominique.

“She was panic stricken.” up on the deck of the tanker, hot tea and bread tasted like heaven and the survivors stretched out, exhausted but ecstatic.

“A crew member told me we were being taken to a Spanish patrol boat that would take us to the Canaries the next day,” says Dominique. “The next morning a patrol boat arrived without a flag, then a dingy. I saw Moroccan uniforms. The trap had closed—the Russians were handing us over to the Moroccan authorities. They hadn’t told us because there would have been a mutiny. No one argued, but there was a terrible sense of despair.”

They were taken to Dakhla, two hours away on the Moroccan coast. “I was separated from my companions

and not allowed to say goodbye,” says Dominique. While he was questioned by police for two days, the Africans were sent off to a detention centre for illegal entry and expelled back to Mauritania a month later without money, food or clothing.

“This was the longest and toughest story I’ve ever covered,” reflects Dominique, who’s worked in such places as Somalia, Afghanistan and Iraq. “Who really cares about Africa—the daily tragedies, the genocide, the drownings in the Mediterranean? We must help the world’s poor as much as we can.

Otherwise the cradle of mankind will drift away, dying a slow death like our canoe. Living and filming this story is my small contribution.”

Dominique’s Adrift: People of a Lesser God is available from the Reader’s Digest shop. Visit shop.readersdigest.co.uk

THE MIGRANT CRISIS IN THE MED ■ 1,750 migrants have died at sea from January to June this year, according to the International Organisation for Migration.

■ From June 6–7, nearly 6,000 people were rescued from the sea in a big international operation.

■ By June, 100,000 migrants had reached southern Europe by boat, according to the UN Refugee Agency. The vast majority arrived in Italy or Greece. This figure was 60,000 for the whole of 2013.

■ Syrians fleeing the civil war make up the largest migrant group this year.

Source: BBC

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MONEY

Avoid These Money Mistakes You might think you’re doing well with your cash, but there are common pitfalls that can easily cost you By n ic k h il l

1. You only make minimum payments on your credit card It takes 25 years to pay off £2,293 (the average credit-card debt) if you only make minimum repayments. Making more than the minimum payment will guarantee you clear your debt quicker and pay less interest.

2. Your loyalty blinds you Nick Hill is a money expert at the Money Advice Service.

Visit money adviceservice. org.uk for details

Whether you don’t have the time or don’t like change, you’re losing money by sticking with the same provider. Switching your current account, broadband company or energy supplier are easy ways to become better off.

3. You sign up to extended warranties at the till When you buy any product, you’re protected by the Sale of Goods Act. This means if your product develops a fault, you have the right to get it replaced or repaired. Think twice before you buy an expensive extended warranty.

4. You regularly use your overdraft as if it’s “your” money Almost one in four (23%) Brits have got into debt due to overdraft changes, according to MoneySuperMarket. When you use an overdraft you’re borrowing money from the bank, 106 |

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with penalties and high interest on any unauthorised borrowing. Switching your bank account could increase your free buffer. It can also reduce how much you’re charged.

5. You think it won’t happen to you

I llustration by A DA M AVERY

Our research found around 71% of Brits have faced an unexpected cost.

This could be car repair, dental treatment or even a vet bill. If you can put aside £3 a day, you’ll start to build a savings buffer.

6. You try to save money by not buying travel insurance Going on holiday without it can be very expensive if you get ill or injured.

The average medical claim is £930, but the average policy cost is just £32, according to the Association of British Insurers.

7. You’ve stopped counting the pennies Small savings add up quickly. The difference between taking a packed lunch to work and buying one over a working year is £805, based on average prices.

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m o n ey

Selling Online: Could Your Hobby Be A Business Instead?

Most of us only use eBay, Gumtree and other sites to sell the odd things we don’t use or need.

If you do more than this, you probably just see it as a hobby. But anyone buying items, upscaling old clothes or furniture, or creating items from scratch simply to sell them online could be chased for unpaid tax if HM Revenue and Customs think it counts as a commercial business.

Does your selling count as a business?

Any of the following could be warning signs for HMRC: ■ You’re selling homemade or improved items to make a profit.

■ You’re regularly buying items purely to resell them for a profit.

■ You’re selling a high volume of items with a reasonable turnover.

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■ You’re specialising in selling one particular type of item.

But it’s worth nothing that if you aren’t making any profits, or your income and the profits from selling things combined are less than £10,600, you won’t have to pay income tax on the money you receive.

What to do if you think it could be a business You’ll have to register as selfemployed, declare your profits and fill in a self-assessment tax return. Fail to do this and you could be hit with fines and a bill to repay what you owe.

© Cultura C re ative (RF)/A lamy / © mauritius images GmbH/Alamy

Now’s The Time To Write A Will It’s brutal to say, but we’re all going to die. Yet only half of people over 45 years old have written a will, according to research conducted

by Dying Matters.

If you die without having made a will—known as dying “intestate”— the law specifies how your money will be divided. This means that your assets won’t necessarily be passed on in the way you would have wished.

It can also cause a nightmare for the people you care about.

If you want to decide who gets what, you need to draw up a will.

It will take some effort to write up, but doing so could avoid your affairs being in limbo for years. A will also allows you to specify any burial instructions you might have.

There are a number of ways to get yours done, with three main options to choose from: use a solicitor, use a will-writing service, or do it yourself.

Even small technical mistakes can make a will invalid, so it’s generally a good idea to get help from a solicitor or professional will writer.

Even if you already have a will, it’s worth updating it as your finances FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/MONEY

Re a de r ’ s D i g e s t

and life change. That’s especially the case if you’ve married since making one, as your will is now probably invalid.

Visit moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/ articles/writing-a-will-your-options to understand these options further.

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After the mourning and grieving process, there comes a time when the property, assets and possessions of the person who has died must be

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leaving a Will) have the task of gathering in the assets of the deceased and distributing them to beneficiaries, and paying any taxes due on the estate.

A grant of probate (called “confirmation” in Scotland) is the means by which executors gain access to the assets of an estate in order to carry out the wishes of the deceased.

In some cases, a grant of probate may not be necessary because of the size and nature of the estate.

■ Dealing with beneficiaries, including charities ■ Guidance on completing HM Revenue & Customs and other official forms, with completed examples ■ Paying Inheritance, Income and Capital Gains Taxes ■ Distributing the ‘residuary estate’ ■ How to prepare final estate accounts, with examples for guidance

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LEGAL sorted out and distributed according to his or her Will, or if there is no valid Will, in line with the rules of intestacy.

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The job of administering an estate involves a considerable amount of work and the decision to act as executor should not be taken lightly. The executors named in someone’s Will (called “administrators” if the deceased died “intestate”, without

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Approved by Kings Court Trust – probate specialists – the Lawpack Probate Kit guides executors through the processes and steps that must be taken. In summary, the Kit will help executors or administrators apply for a grant of probate and explain how to carry out the wishes in a Will.

For more information on the Lawpack Probate Kit, visit http://readersdigest. lawpack.co.uk/probate.asp

08/07/2015 17:08

food & DRink

Easy-to-prepare meals and accompanying drinks

Tuna Salad Niçoise

By Rac h e l wal k e r

THIS salad originated in the south of France, borrowing its name from the city of Nice.

Rachel is a food writer and blogs at thefoodieat.org

It showcases some of the region’s most delicious ingredients: tomatoes, olives and anchovies. A purist’s recipe wouldn’t use cooked vegetables such as green beans and potatoes, but it’s good to showcase some British produce—and it’s a popular way to bulk it out.

Often the anchovies are left whole, but by blending them into a thick dressing, all the salad ingredients get coated in a deliciously salty, piquant sauce. Ideal for lunch on-the-go, but also as a lovely, light supper— the perfect accompaniment to long summer evenings.

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• 50g tin of anchovy fillets • ½tsp Dijon mustard • 15g basil leaves, picked 1. Bring a pan of water to a rolling boil and cook the potatoes for 15 minutes.

2. Add the eggs to the pan after 8 minutes of cooking—making sure that the shells have been thoroughly washed first. Add the green beans 2 minutes before taking the pan off, so they cook until just-tender.

PhotographY by Tim & Zoë Hi ll

Serves 2 • 120g Charlotte potatoes, halved • 2 eggs • 80g green beans, topped, tailed and halved • 120g sweet vine-ripened tomatoes, cut into wedges • 20g black olives, pitted • 1 little gem lettuce, sliced • 200g–250g tinned tuna, or tuna in brine • 1 lemon, juiced • 50ml olive oil

3. Drain, peel the eggs, cut into quarters lengthways and put to one side.

4. Tip the potatoes and green beans into a salad bowl, along with the tomatoes, black olives, little gem and flaked tuna.

5. Meanwhile, pour the lemon juice and olive oil, along with the anchovy fillets, Dijon mustard and basil leaves, into a blender. Blitz into a tangy green sauce.

6. Put two tablespoons of the green dressing over the salad and use your hands to toss gently until everything is coated. Taste, and add more if required. Divide the salad between two plates or shallow bowls, and put the eggs on top.

TRY THIS… Why not use fresh tuna steaks instead? Rub them with a little oil, sear in a hot pan for 1.5–2 minutes on either side until almost cooked through, slice thinly and arrange on top of the salad.

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Food & Drink

Going On A Booze Cruise?

IF YOU’RE THINKING of heading to

France for the weekend to soak up some rays, then it’s a good excuse to stock up with low-duty wine.

The traditional Nineties booze cruise saw bargain-hunters heading to Calais warehouses where the “pile it high and flog it cheap” mentality presides. Just 50 miles further south along the coast is the beautiful town of Montreuil-sur-Mer, where The Wine Society has an enormous and well-curated shop, guaranteeing a far more relaxing experience.

The savings are considerable. Les Pierres Bordes MarsanneViognier 2014 is a great value dry, refreshing white wine— a real crowd-pleaser, and just £5.95 in the UK. Pick it up from Montreil,

though, and it’s £3.64 per bottle.

Another really stand-out bottle which would make a delicious accompaniment to tuna salad Niçoise is The Society’s Exhibition Albariño, Rias Baixas 2013—a bit of a treat in the UK at £12.95, but £10.26 in Montreuil. A pinot noir is often paired with tuna too—the Vin de France, Jacques Dépagneux 2011 is an elegant, smooth option and is also a steal at £5.95 per bottle, or £3.64 in Montreuil. Find a car with a big boot!

■■ Les Pierres Bordes Marsanne-Viognier 2014, £5.95 (£3.64) ■■ The Society’s Exhibition Albariño, Rias Baixas 2013, £12.95 (£10.26) ■■ Vin de France, Jacques Dépagneux 2011, £5.95 (£3.64)

Talking about tuna...

Make sure the tuna fish you use is responsibly sourced. Greenpeace publishes an annual “Tuna League Table” to show which brands are following best practice. The latest results place Sainsbury’s, The Co-operative and Waitrose as the three market leaders who sell ‘“clean tuna”, which is pole- and linecaught or free of fish-aggravating devices (FADs).

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Pudding of the Month

Reader’s Digest

Book

Every Day Superfood Jamie Oliver, Amazon, £26. Straightforward dishes that are healthy and achievable.

Honey-Roasted Figs

Bargain

Serves 4 The first figs are starting to ripen, sparking excitement about all the possibilities: fig ice cream, fig jam, fig tarts. One of the simplest and most delicious ways to cook figs is to roast them.

© The Pic ture Pan try/Alamy

• 4 figs, halved lengthways • 1tbsp runny honey • 1 orange, zested and juiced • 20g butter • Optional: mascarpone, crème fraîche, Greek yogurt • Optional: walnuts, almonds, pistachios 1. Preheat the oven to 200C and place the figs in a tray skin-side down.

2. Mix together the honey, orange juice and zest.

3. Divide the butter between the figs, putting a small dot on each. Pour over the honey and orange, and roast for 10–15 minutes until warm and sticky.

4. Serve with a dollop of mascarpone, crème fraîche or Greek yogurt, and a few nuts.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FOOD-DRINK

The Good Fish Guide Mobile App, fishonline.org, Free.

The definitive guide to sustainable seafood.

Blow-Out

Terracotta Large Round Bowl, Toast, £85. This is the perfect receptacle for a tuna salad Niçoise.

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home & Garden

By Ly n da Cl a rk

Going For Gold Designed by the award-winning Adam Frost,

Lynda Clark is a homes, property and interiors expert, and is editor of First Time Buyer magazine

the Homebase Urban Retreat Garden was given a gold medal at this year’s RHS Chelsea Flower Show. The garden was inspired by the Bauhaus movement, which is reflected in the design principles of the modernist movement. It also encapsulates a spirit of community living very reminiscent of that period.

The garden was designed as a space where people can come together but also as a place where local wildlife can flourish. There’s lots of inspiration and clever design ideas in the garden that can be used in your own plot.

Planted with a palette of fragrant flowers and shrubs chosen to attract wildlife, the garden includes geraniums, irises and foxgloves that sit alongside dome-like Taxus balls, which not only look striking but provide a nesting space for birds and insects.

From Ship To Shore The escapism of this seafarer style creates a contemporary coastal backdrop. All items available at George (george.com) ■ Large chrome lantern, £10 ■ Stripe throw, £10; navy throw, £20 ■ Octopus cushion, £7 ■ Ship in a bottle, £7 ■ Blue glass vase, £12 ■ Goa coffee table, £225 ■ Starfish trinket pot, £2 116

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WHAT’S HOT! Beautiful items for a stylish home

Knitted stripe cushion, £14, Next, next.co.uk

You can recreate a little retreat of your own by planting one of the favourite plants that were used in the garden. Homebase have a range of plants and seeds from the collection, which are available to buy online and in most stores.

■ Visit homebase.co.uk for more information

a perfect perennial Hosta (Plantain Lily) Commonly referred to as the Plantain Lily, this herbaceous perennial has lush, green leaves and highly fragrant white flowers in summer. It’s well suited to informal cottage gardens when planted in borders, or makes a striking statement in city gardens. It tends to grow to around three feet in height and width.

■ Plant it… In a partly shaded area or under a shrubbery.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/home-garden

Rope glass lantern, £9.99, Lakeland, lakeland.co.uk

Set of four mugs, £12.99, Premier Housewares at Amazon premierhousewares. co.uk, amazon.co.uk 08•2015

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Technology

Solar-Charging Your Summer By olly mann

Olly is a technology expert, LBC presenter and Answer Me This! podcaster

EnerPlex Kickr IV, £99.99

Off on a hiking holiday? Take this foldable solar charger to power your gizmos. In strong sunlight the Kickr juices up a phone or tablet at similar speeds to a standard wall charger; equally useful whether you’re halfway up a hill or back at the tent. Weighing in at less than a pound, it’s portability is a massive plus, although sadly it’s not waterproof, so you shouldn’t risk leaving it unattended at the mercy of the British Summer.

Apple app of the month: Apple Music, £9.99 per month

The California behemoth unveil Apple Music—their muchanticipated music-jukebox app.

Essentially, they’ve taken the Spotify/Tidal template but have added an extra layer of social

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networking and artist curation. Apple are sacrificing massive profits by doing so, as iTunes is the world’s most popular place to buy music: concrete proof that streaming has won the digital war.

Beurer BF700 Diagnostic scale, £59.99

I’ve lost count of how many household objects I’ve tested that are unnecessarily equipped with Bluetooth technology just to seem “smart”. But these attractive bathroom scales actually benefit from connectivity, because having outsourced the advanced features to an app, the device itself boasts an uncluttered, minimalist design. Simply step on to reveal your weight on the digital display, or follow-up online to track your BMI, body fat, muscle and water ratio.

Garmin nuviCam, £299.99

“A widescreen sat-nav AND dash cam...in one?!” Truly, the nuviCam is the Wash & Go of dash-mounted devices. Reliable, clear, Europe-wide maps fill its bright, responsive display, while an integrated camera on the rear records your entire drive. It’ll automatically save the video files if it senses a collision (plus your GPS location and accompanying audio, useful evidence in the event of a crash), but all journeys are stored.

Android app of the month: Ovia Pregnancy, free

Want to get up the duff? There’s an app for that! Obviously there’s a limit to what Ovia can do for you if you haven’t got a bloke— but numerous female friends have confirmed to me that this app’s period tracking, ovulation chart and personalised factsheets have helped them to conceive when at their most fertile.

Just don’t expect it to help with the school fees.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TECHNOLOGY

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Fashion & beauty

By G e or g i n a yate s

The Perfect Pedestals Nestled in a Marylebone backstreet,

Georgina is a fashion and beauty editor for numerous travel titles and a blogger at withgeorgia.com

Tracey Neuls’s flagship footwear shop is, according to Mary Portas, “like walking straight into the artist’s imagination”, with her collection displayed suspended in mid-air using ties from the ceiling. Tracey’s innovative approach to her craft has indeed attracted figureheads of the art world, and last year her eponymous brand was nominated for the London Design Museum’s Designs of the Year award.

Although having always been her passion, Tracey was unable to focus on shoe design until 20 years ago, when she moved from her native Canada to London.

“I can remember being nine or ten and making shoes

Gone Fishing The nautical trend of last year is newly interpreted this season, with vibrant marine prints and maritime motifs taking precedence.

■ Set sail with Alex Monroe’s gorgeous ship pendant (£150; alexmonroe.com).

■ The catch of the day has to be Cath Kidston’s vibrant river fish print skirt (£40; cathkidston.com).

■ Yellow shoes add the finishing touch to your chic, nautical look (£120; clarks.co.uk).

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Keeping up appearances Pack smart and travel light with our top cosmetic travel sets.

out of cereal boxes, with loo paper rolls for heels,” she says. “They worked too—I walked all around town in them! Footwear design as a profession came about as my second career. Nothing of the sort was offered in my native Canada. The world of footwear design finally opened up for me at Cordwainers College [in London]. In nine months, I learned how to make a shoe and get it to feel great on the foot—a simple design process so often overlooked. From here, I began to make catwalk shoes, collections for other designers and eventually began my own brand in 2000.”

Her exquisite shoes are remarkably comfortable —an aspect that makes them accessible to a variety of customers. “My favourite moments are when mothers and daughters come shopping together for my shoes,” says Tracey. “It’s all about the wearer, their individuality and their confidence. I see footwear as the pedestal to an outift.”

■ Visit tracey neuls.com for details

With Maison Francis K’s perfume case (£85; franciskurkdjian.com) you can take beautiful scents abroad in your hand luggage.

Ark’s 30ml facial beauty sets (£28; shop.arkskincare.com) mean you can maintain a luxury skincare regime while in transit.

After a long day of sightseeing, indulge in a hot bath at the hotel with Aesop’s kit (£27; aesop.com) for hair, face and body.

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fa s h i o n & b e a u t y

Solidify Your Style Concrete is a material that’s been credited to the Romans. Many of their concrete creations have passed the test of time with flying colours, such as Rome’s Pantheon.

The Romans taught us that concrete is durable, but it can also be quite a beautiful substance. Rhiannon Palmer (right), a Falmouth University contemporary crafts graduate, has found another use for the multipurpose material: jewellery.

“I love to work with it because it’s such a tactile and underestimated material,” says Rhiannon. “You can create so many beautiful shapes, textures and colours.”

After relocating to the big city and setting up in a quaint studio in trendy east London, Rhiannon’s unique

designs caused a stir in the art world. “ ‘Isn’t that really heavy?’ is the first thing people usually ask when they find out my jewellery is made of concrete. It’s a valid question, but the answer is no! They are suprisingly light and very comfortable to wear.”

Rhiannon is also enthusiastic about creating bespoke pieces.

“I really enjoy collaborating with customers,” she says.

■ Visit rhiannon palmer.com for details

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books

Tales of life in 16th-century England and 21st-century Scotland are expertly weaved by these celebrated authors

August Fiction

By James Walton

James writes and presents the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff

The Taming of the Queen by Philippa Gregory (Simon & Schuster, £20) The latest historical novel by Philippa Gregory (The Other Boleyn Girl, The White Queen) begins with Henry VIII making Kateryn Parr an offer she really can’t refuse: a proposal that she become his sixth wife. Kateryn—apparently the proper spelling—is in her early 30s, twice widowed and with an appetite for scholarship. But she’s also clever enough to realise that the king isn’t marrying her for her cleverness.

Once the wedding meal of larks, peacocks and heron is over, her main job will clearly be to agree with whatever Henry does and says. (After all, she’s not short of examples of what can happen to wives who displease him.)

At times, Katheryn, who narrates the book, perhaps feels too much like a modern feminist who’s unaccountably pitched up in the 16th century. Nonetheless, The Taming of the Queen is not only a compelling novel about a surprisingly unfamiliar period of Tudor history. It also provides an overwhelming sense of the sheer terror that comes with living under a capricious tyrant—especially if you’re married to him.

NAME THE AUTHOR (Answer on p128) Can you guess the writer from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?

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1. His middle names were Fingal O’Flahertie Wills.

2. The main character in his most famous play is Jack Worthing.

3. He served two years’ hard labour.

© ZUMA P ress, I nc./Alamy

The Revolving Door of Life by

Alexander McCall Smith (Polygon, £16.99) By contrast, the characters in The Revolving Door of Life have it pretty easy— living as they do under the benign rule of Alexander McCall Smith. In the tenth instalment of the 44 Scotland Street series, Smith once again casts a winningly goodhumoured eye over his Edinburghbased cast of mostly decent people doing their best. Given that the book, like its predecessors, originally appeared as a daily serial in The Scotsman, the structure is necessarily episodic. Fortunately, though, the episodes are uniformly good. The loose form also allows Smith to get a few things off his chest as he goes along, from the wind turbines disfiguring the Borders to the failure of schools to teach poetry properly.

The result is a delight: endlessly charming and full of great jokes. For all his warm-heartedness, Smith does have moments of sharp satire, but only about those who lack warmheartedness—such as the smugly liberal mother who makes her sevenyear-old son play games where the Cowboys help the “Native Americans” establish community centres. His description of the character Angus as “one of the most sympathetic portrait painters in Scotland” could easily apply to himself.

paperbacks ■■ Burnt Paper Sky by Gilly Macmillan (Piatkus, £7.99).

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admired history for the general reader, with an introduction

by Bernard Cornwell.

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■■ The Art of Baking Blind by Sarah Vaughan (Hodder, £7.99).

Popular fiction meets The Great British Bake Off, as five amateurs enter a competition and have the stories of their lives gradually and satisfyingly revealed.

■■Chase Your Shadow by John Carlin (Atlantic, £8.99).

The full, eyeopening story of Oscar Pistorius.

08•2015

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BOOKS

RD’s Recommended Read

This fascinating delve into family history reveals the ways in which women’s lives have—and haven’t—changed

Families And Feminism Why are people so interested in family history? Reading The

Scarlet Sisters suggests once again that the answer is blindingly obvious: because family history is so interesting.

Helen Batten began investigating hers after the death of her grandmother Bertha, and what she found allows for a fascinating comparison of women’s lives across the whole of the 20th century.

Bertha was the youngest of five red-haired daughters (hence their nickname) born into south-London poverty before the First World War. Their father Charlie was almost classically feckless,

The Scarlet Sisters: My Nanna’s Story of Secrets and Heartache on the Banks of the River Thames by Helen Batten is published by Ebury at £6.99 126

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08•2015

regularly having to be brought home from the pub in a wheelbarrow.

Their mother Clara worked hard, and by saving her money—and hiding it from her husband— managed to put all five daughters through secretarial college.

Batten’s research throws up any number of memorable family tales, which she turns into fully imagined scenes. Many, of course, contain hairraising proof of how different things once were. Clara, for example, had

to hide that money from Charlie because women didn’t have the luxury of bank accounts.

But not everything has changed as much as you might expect. Take this scene from the 1920s…

‘‘

Clara would watch her two eldest daughters getting ready to go out on a Saturday night, with a lack of corsetry to hold them in, their arms bare, skirts short—and the cosmetics…‘What do you look like?

A right pair of dollymops! You’ll get the neighbours talking,’ she would say, shaking her head.

Grace would carry on applying her bright pink lipstick and say nonchalantly: ‘Who cares?’

‘I care and you should care. You don’t want to get the reputation for being that sort of girl.’

‘What sort is that, then?’

‘The sort my mum would have locked up in her room and thrown away the key.’

‘Are you going to lock us up, then?’

And there was Clara’s dilemma.

She loved to see her girls experiencing a freedom she had never had—and very few women had ever had. The dislocation of the First World War had opened the cage, the young lady birds had flown, and many could not be put back in. They had worked in larger numbers and earned more money.

They had opportunities for activities like the cinema and dances.

R eader ’ s D i ge s t

RD EXCLUSIVE: HELEN BATTEN’S FAVOURITE FAMILY MEMOIRS

Love, Nina: Despatches from Family Life by Nina Stibbe (2013) Hilarious tale of Stibbe’s time as an au pair for a bohemian North London family, which proves that a family doesn’t need to be conventional to be loving.

The Year of Magical Thinking

by Joan Didion (2005) Poetic account of Didion’s experience of losing her husband and daughter within a year. Tragic yet life-affirming.

My Animals and Other Family

by Clare Balding (2012) A darker, more profound book than I expected. The insight into the strange, closed world of horses had me gripped.

This Boy: a Memoir of a Childhood by Alan Johnson (2013) Terrific snapshot of postwar London, showing how tough life could be if you were poor and had a feckless father— and how Johnson was saved by the heroic efforts of his mum and sister.

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BOOKS

Often they were unchaperoned.

Their skirts had become shorter due to a lack of material during the war and, when it ended, many women fought the pressure to bring hemlines back down, seeing it as a matter of personal freedom.

Watching her girls get ready on a

and nails and…absurdities of dress which betoken the slave-women’s sex appeal rather than the free woman’s intelligent companionship.’

Those early feminists made an unholy alliance with reactionary men. Doctors condemned high heels on the grounds that wearers would

Saturday night filled Clara with pride, but she worried for them, and their reputations. It was uncharted territory and she couldn’t see how it was going to end.

Clara was not alone in her worries.

The blue-stocking feminists of the era watched askance as women used their hard-won freedom not to go into politics, but to attend dances. Money from these new jobs was spent on cosmetics to make themselves more attractive to men. Sylvia Pankhurst disparaged, ‘the emancipation of today which displays itself mostly in cigarettes and shorts…painted lips and the NAME of THE AUTHOR is…

Oscar Wilde. Jack Worthing is a character in The Importance of Being Earnest. Wilde was sent to prison for homosexual activities.

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displace their wombs. When the charleston came over from the United States, the Daily Mail denounced it as ‘reminiscent only of Negro Orgies’. It would be the sisters’ favourite dance.

Of course this argument rumbles on today. I watch my teenage daughter declaring her intention to become a journalist and campaign for women’s rights, while going off to school with highlighted hair, mascara and ludicrously short skirts. She then announced she was going to be a cheerleader, cavorting in skimpy clothes, supporting the boys at school rugby matches.

‘Is this what women threw themselves under horses for? All those women who went on hunger strike so we could get the vote and equal rights?’ I said. ‘Can’t you do something useful, like write for the school newspaper?’

‘Only geeks do that,’ came the reply. ‘At least I’m keeping fit.’

’’

© Oscar Wilde portrait by Napoleon Saron y

Women fought the pressure to bring hemlines back down, seeing it as a matter of personal freedom

Books

that changed my life

Brian Aldiss is a poet, playwright, critic, novelist and the doyen of British science-fiction writers.

His autobiography In The Twinkling of an Eye is released on July 30 to celebrate his 90th birthday.

The Journal of Marie Bashkirtseff When the Second World War broke out, my father thought that Hitler would invade via Norfolk, where we lived. So we moved to Devon. I consoled myself in books and bought this journal from the second-hand book table at Barnstaple’s WHSmith.

What a revelation! I knew very little of women, so to find a young woman who was perfectly ready to open her heart and mind was marvellous.

The Trumpet Major © Ri chard Gardner/REX

By Thomas Hardy

Good male teachers were hard to come by during the war.

But Crasher Fay, as we called him due to the steel-capped shoes he wore, was one of them.

One day he got us reading a Walter Scott book in which the first five FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/BOOKS

chapters concerned a chap walking down a lane. We revolted. He agreed it was damned dull and moved us onto The Trumpet Major. So began my lifelong love of Hardy. Set during the Napoleonic wars, my classmates and I felt a wartime affinity with the protagonists. I’ve always enjoyed Hardy’s gloom and sly humour, and his perfect turn of phrase.

Resurrection

By Leo Tolstoy

Tolstoy’s last novel is an extraordinary book for all kinds of reasons, some of which go down better than others. It forces us to confront our own weaknesses and face up to things we may prefer not to think about.

It’s a brilliant exposition of adversity and, although I’ve read it eight times, there’s always something new to discover. Tolstoy was something of a renegade; he stood up and spoke his mind. You’ve got to admire that.

As told to Caroline Hutton 08•2015

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FUn & Games

You Couldn’t Make It Up Win £50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk MY WIFE Was telling me off for not finishing a job that

I’d started over two years ago.

“That’s the difference between me and you,” she said. “I’m a perfectionist and you’re not.”

“Yes,” I replied. “And that’s why you married me and I married you.”

For some reason, she thought that was a compliment!

KEITH HAMBER, C a rd i f f

He was so nervous he had trouble tying his tie, so he asked the help of the gentleman next to him.

“Just lie down on the seat and I’ll do it no problem,” he responded.

“I’m used to doing up men’s ties.”

My boyfriend was hesitant but dutifully obliged. To his surprise, the knot was perfect.

“How come you’re able to do it so well?” he asked.

“I work in a morgue!” came the confident but surprising reply.

CATHERINE HISCOX, He r t f o rd s h i r e 130 |

08•2015

“It’s the new edition...”

MY DAUGHTER SAID, “Mummy, I hope you make it to 100.”

“Do you mean in age?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said.

“Ahh, thank you, darling,” I replied.

She continued, “Yes, because you’re nearly there, aren’t you?”

ESTHER Lewis, C o r n w a l l A LADY IN THE NURSING HOME

I work in was celebrating her 102nd birthday. A reporter from the local paper came to interview her, and asked what was the best thing about being her age.

© STEVE WAY

MY boyfriend WAS ON THE TRAIN on his way to a job interview.

The lovely lady looked at him straight and said, “No peer pressure!”

SHANNON LLOYD, C l w y d I used to service radios for the local flying club. I’d finished a job on a plane when the owner— a rather elderly gentleman—asked me if I’d like to join him for a flight.

On returning to the airfield, the approach was a bit shaky. The wheels hit the ground with an almighty bump, and the airfield controller came on the radio and said, “That’s the best ‘controlled crash’ I’ve ever seen!’ ” My elderly pilot turned to me and said, “Don’t tell him but I was wearing the wrong glasses. These are for reading only!”

ALAN ANDREWS, D e v o n FOLLOWING MANY YEARS OF PROFOUND DEAFNESs, I was finally

deemed suitable for a bone-affixed hearing attachment. This common yet invasive procedure necessitated a short stay in hospital, during which time two small metal screws would be inserted into my skull—one behind each ear.

Our son George, then aged six, had never seen his mum in hospital and was naturally apprehensive. Not wanting to alarm him, my husband kept young George away from the ward and assured him that I would make a speedy recovery.

After a few days’ recuperation I

R e a d e r ’ s Dig e s t

was allowed home, the raw wounds and new screws clearly visible against the shaven skin.

Our boy took one look at all the metal and dried blood before running off as fast as his legs could carry him.

Fearful that he’d been traumatised and scarred for life, I anxiously awaited his return.

I needn’t have worried. He arrived back a short while later, followed by a gaggle of curious classmates. George led them into my room and shouted triumphantly, “This way, guys! She’s over here!”

As the children gathered round the bed, gently turning my head this way and that, George said, “It’s OK, Mum. They just wanted to see Frankenstein!”

MARITA BERNDT, N o r t h u m b e r l a n d

I’M A MIDWIFE and recently I met a lady ready to give birth to her eighth child. I asked her husband whether he’d remain in the labour room, to which his wife pulled a face.

“I’ve only ever been present at one birth,” he said.

I was about to ask him which one when he added, “It was dark, then suddenly very light!”

KYM YESSEN, C a m b r i d g e s h i r e AN ADVERTISEMENT I saw for a

cordless hedge cutter dubiously read, “A built-in safety switch prevents accidental starting and blades will stop when you take one hand off.”

MICHAEL GOLDSTONE, Ma n c h e s t e r

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it pays to increase your

Word Power Inspired by The 100 Funniest Words in English by Robert Beard, these picks are all a mouthful, and some even sport serious definitions (others…well, not so much). Enjoy weaving them into your dinner-table conversation tonight. Answers on next page.

By E m ily Cox & H enry Rathvo n

1. flummox (‘fluh-muks) v—A: laugh

out loud. B: confuse. C: ridicule.

2. crudivore (‘crew-dih-vor) n—

A: foul-mouthed person. B: garbage can. C: eater of raw food.

3. hoosegow (‘hoos-gow) n—

A: jail. B: scaredy-cat. C: strong liquor, usually moonshine.

4. donnybrook (‘dah-nee-bruk)

n—A: rapid stream. B: wild brawl.

C: stroke of luck.

5. cantankerous (kan-‘tan-keh-res)

adj—A: very sore. B: hard to deal with.

C: obnoxiously loud.

6. discombobulate (dis-kehm-

‘bah-byoo-layt) v—A: take apart.

B: fail. C: upset or frustrate.

7. codswallop (‘cods-wah-lep) n—

A: sound produced by a hiccup.

B: rare rainbow fish. C: nonsense.

8. doozy ('doo-zee) n—A: double

feature. B: extraordinary one of its kind. C: incomprehensible song.

9. mollycoddle (‘mol-lee-cod-yl) v—A: treat with an absurd degree of attention. B: mix unwisely. C: moo or imitate a cow.

10. hootenanny (‘hoo-teh-na-nee)

n—A: group of owls. B: folk-singing event. C: child’s carer.

11. yahoo (‘yah-hoo) n—A: stupid person. B: overzealous fan. C: silly or embarrassing mistake.

12. kerfuffle (ker-‘fuh-fuhl) n—

A: failure to ignite. B: down pillow or blanket. C: disturbance.

13. absquatulate (abz-‘kwah-chewlayt) v—A: abscond or flee. B: stay low to the ground. C: utterly flatten.

14. skullduggery (skul-‘duh-geh-ree)

n—A: Shakespearean prank. B: underhand behaviour. C: graveyard.

15. flibbertigibbet (flih-ber-tee‘jih-bet) n—A: ridiculous and flighty person. B: snap of the fingers. C: hex or curse.

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Word Power

Answers 1. flummox—[B] confuse. “Sarah

9. mollycoddle—[A] treat with

is easily flummoxed by any changes to the schedule.”

an absurd degree of attention.

“Amy is my only grandchild—I’ll mollycoddle her all I want!”

2. crudivore—[C] eater of raw

food. “To help boost my health, I’m declaring myself a crudivore.”

3. hoosegow—[A] jail. “After

10. hootenanny—[B] folk-singing

event. “After the concert, let’s head over to the informal hootenanny.”

protesting a touch too loudly in court, Tara suddenly found herself in the hoosegow.”

11. yahoo—[A] stupid person.

4. donnybrook—[B] wild brawl.

12. kerfuffle—[C] disturbance.

“I was referring to that minor kerfuffle called the Second World War.”

“It took four officials to quell the donnybrook on the football pitch.”

5. cantankerous—[B] hard to

deal with. “The comic was greeted by a cantankerous crowd at his debut gig.”

6. discombobulate—[C] upset or frustrate. “The goal of the simulator: discombobulate even the sharpest of pilots.”

7. codswallop—

[C] nonsense. “ ‘Oh, codswallop!

I never went near those biscuits,’ Dad barked.”

8. doozy—[B]

extraordinary one of its kind. “That was a doozy of a storm—luckily, we dodged the two downed trees.”

134 |

08•2015

“Please try not to embarrass me at Sally’s party, you big yahoo.”

13. absquatulate—[A] abscond or flee. “Upon opening the door, Clare watched the new puppy absquatulate with her sneaker.”

14. skullduggery—[B] underhand

behaviour. “The CEO was infamous for resorting to skullduggery during lengthy contract negotiations.” word of the day*

FUSILLADE: a volley of shots by firearms, or something resembling this.

15. flibbertigibbet

“An explosive but nonalcoholic cocktail.”

—[A] ridiculous and flighty person.

“Do I have to spend the entire ride with that flibbertigibbet next to me?!”

“A blade that can only be used for cutting certain, specified things.”

Vocabulary Ratings

Alternative suggestions:

“Mixing different fats together.”

9 & below: Amusing 10–12: Hysterical 13–15: Gut-busting

*POST YOUR DEFINITIONS EVERY DAY AT FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK

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By Post: Reader’s Digest, FREEPOST RTHR-LLRY-ZHYS, Ringwood, BH24 1HD (Cheques should be payable to Reader’s Digest, and please remember to quote RDP029 and include your full name and address, along with the details of the item(s) required).

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08/07/2015 11:30

FUn & Games

BrainTeasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 139.

GREAT WALL OF NUMBERS

Complete the number array with the missing number.

1 3 2 1 2 0 1 0 1 3 2 1 1 0 2 0 1 1 1 2 0 0 1 3 2 0 2 5 0 1 0 1 0 0 4 0 4 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 1 0 0 1 0 7 2 0 1 0 4 0 4 0 1 1 0 0 1 2 1 2 3 0 0 1 0 2 3 2 0 ? 1 1 1 1 0 CROSSFIT

Supply the missing numbers.

2 5 3 4 1 136

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08•2015

5 7 2 5 3

6 8 2 7 5

?

9 6 ?

1

PLAYING WITH FIRE

In the figure below, 16 matchsticks have been arranged to make five connected squares. Remove one matchstick and move others to produce five identical and connected squares again. There can be no partial squares remaining.

THE INTRUDER

SHAPE UP, TRIM DOWN

One of the figures below doesn’t belong. Which one is it?

Complete the number array with the missing number.

A

c

B

D

+

-

=4

-

+

=2

+

+

=7

-

+

=?

08•2015

| 137|

bra i n teasers

double trouble

1

2

3

4

5

6

A quick and easy teatime crossword.

7

8 9 11

10

12

13 15

14 17

|

08•2015

23

Down 01 Very large person (5) 02 Prince of Monaco (4) 03 Victim of his brother Cain (4) 04 The Sahara, for example (6) 05 Bind, fasten (3) 06 Implement used for drawing straight lines (5) 12 Compensation awarded in court (7) 13 Movement upward (6) 14 Commence (5) 16 S mooth glossy material (5) 18 Tall, woody plant (4) 20 Peculiar (3)

Answers

138

21

20

Across: 1 Garland 5 Tar 7 Alice 8 Shell 9 Lee 10 Trio 11 Radar 13 Act 14 Burns 15 Emus 17 Cut 19 Glove 21 Right 22 Nod 23 Treason

Across 22 01 Wreath of flowers (7) 05 Sailor (3) 07 Wonderland girl (5) 08 Hard outer covering (5) 09 The side away from the wind (3) 10 Musical composition for three performers (4) 11 Navigation aid using radio waves (5) 13 Take part in a play (3) 14 Scotland’s national poet (5) 15 Large, flightless birds (4) 17 Incision (3) 19 Covering for the hand (5) 21 Proper (5) 22 Lower and raise the head (3) 23 Traitor’s crime (7)

18

Down: 1 Giant 2 Rainier 3 Able 4 Desert 5 Tie 6 Ruler 12 Damages 13 Ascent 14 Begin 16 Satin 18 Tree 20 Odd

19

16

BrainTeasers: Answers GREAT WALL OF NUMBERS

2. In each horizontal row, the numbers add up to 11.

CROSSFIT

Answer published in the September issue Which is the odd word out?

3 and 7. * Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition.

£50 prize question

3 9 6 7 1 In each arrangement, add the top number with the one in the centre to get the number to the left; then add the centre number to the one on the bottom to get the number to the right.

PLAYING WITH FIRE

Paddock visibility asleep impractical embarcation The first correct answer we pick on August 6 wins £50!* Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

Answer to July’s prize question THE INTRUDER

D. D is the only one where the dotted line doesn’t cross the top surface.

287 246

SHAPE UP, TRIM DOWN

3. If a figure is three-dimensional, it has a value of 3; if it is twodimensional, its value is 2. Those values are added or subtracted accordingly.

205

164

41

123 369

And the £50 goes to…

Sylvia Perry, Nottingham

08•2015

| 139|

FUn & Games

Laugh!

Win £50 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk A man goes into a restaurant

displaying a sign saying, “£500 if we can’t make up your meal!”

He says, “I’d like a salad with a Russian Dressing, please.”

None of the kitchen staff had ever heard of a Russian Dressing.

Suddenly the head chef had an idea.

He walked into the customer’s table and presented him with a Waldorf Salad, accompanied by a picture of a Russian putting on his trousers.

catherine hiscox, He r t f o rd s h i r e

That Jedi master is drunk again. He had Obi Wan too many

comedian richard woolford

An old gent is walking down the street one day when he hears a voice.

“Excuse me, sir,” he hears.

The old man looks around, but there’s nobody nearby. He doesn’t make it another step when he hears the voice again.

“Down here.”

The man stops and looks down 140 | 08•2015

at the ground, where a frog is sitting casually. The man looks around to make sure there’s nobody watching him trying to talk to a frog and says, “That can’t have been you?”

“Yes, sir, it was,” said the frog. “I’m not really a frog though. I’m actually a young, beautiful princess who was cursed into this form. If you kiss me, I will revert back to my human self and will grant you the wildest night you’ve ever had with a woman.”

The old man ponders this for a moment, then bends down, picks up the frog, puts it in his pocket and continues on his way.

A muffled voice comes from his pocket saying, “Wait! Didn’t you hear what I said?”

The old man replies, “Oh, I heard you just fine. But at my age, I think I’d rather have a talking frog.” reddit.com

I was doing some decorating,

so I got out my step-ladder—I don’t get on with my real ladder.

comedian harry hill

Reader’s Digest

A husband and his wife are light-heartedly comparing notes one day.

“I have a higher IQ than you,” she says, “and I got higher grades in my degree. And, actually, I even make more money than you!”

“Yes, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead,” her husband replies.

“How did you work that out?” she asks, looking mystified.

“I married better,” he replies.

embarrassing dads These fathers are taking revenge on their misbehaving children.

michael harkin, D e r r y C i t y

I know that every cigarette

I smoke takes five minutes off my life, but it takes ten minutes to smoke it...that’s a five-minute net gain!

comedian ed byrne

I changed my password to

“incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is, the computer will tell me, “Your password is incorrect.”

seen online

Why is it that the winner

of the Miss Universe contest always comes from Earth? comedian rich hall I went to see my optician

recently because whenever I looked at anything, it seemed to change colour.

He found nothing wrong with my eyes, so it was obviously a pigment of my imagination.

maggie barrow, S t o k e - o n -Tr e n t

08•2015

| 141|

L a u gh !

My wife claimed that I was immature and needed to grow up.

Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house any more. reddit.com A man in a hot-air balloon

realises he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions.

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” he calls out.

The man below says, “Yes. You’re in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in information technology,” says the balloonist.

“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone.”

The man below replies, “You must work in management.”

“I do,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.” unijokes.com I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to

startle strangers. comedian tom Rhodes i told my friend, “For some

reason, my girlfriend keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character. It’s getting very annoying.”

“Are you mad at her?” he asked.

“For goodness’ sake, don’t you start!” I replied. seen online

lord of the message boards Did you know that Lord Voldermort, the evil villain of the Harry Potter books, now has his own Twitter account? Here are some of his online musings: “Today is Daniel Radcliffe’s birthday. I can’t stand that guy. There’s just something about him...”

“Halloween costume idea: dress normally and tell people you’re ‘a malfunctioning invisibility cloak’.”

“J K Simmons just won an Oscar for playing a teacher who terrorises his student. Severus Snape was robbed.”

“You may make mistakes, but at least you’re not one of the 12 publishers that rejected Harry Potter.”

142 |

08•2015

Reader’s Digest

Beat the Cartoonist!

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in midAugust. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £100 and a framed copy of the cartoon with your caption.

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption by August 14.

We’ll announce the winner in our October issue.

June’s Winner Yet another victory for the readers this month, with John Bauch securing the popular vote with, “You’re lucky, you’ve got Corrie. Down below they’ve got EastEnders,” thrashing cartoonist Steve Way’s original caption, “Welcome, and here are all the boxed sets you never got around to looking at.” Well, we liked it…

Our Longest Reigning Monarch!

But how does the second Elizabethan period measure up to the Victorian era?

We compare the two

Plus • 100 Years of the Women’s Institute • Savouring the Finest Wines of Portugal • Superbugs vs Us • Best of British: Subterranean

Scoreboard: Readers 32 Cartoonists 11 08•2015

| 143|

© STEVE JONES / © steve way / © Paul M arriott/Al amy

in the september issue

L a u gh !

60-Second Stand-Up We caught up with the rather affable Dane Baptiste What’s the best part of your current tour or set?

There’s a bit where I get a bit active and do a cartwheel on stage. So the best bit is when I’ve done it­—I’m so happy it’s over and I know I don’t have to do one until the next gig.

Who’s your comedy inspiration?

I watched and listened to a lot of Chris Rock growing up—I love listening to the audio albums. It’s so good when comedy can come across even without the visuals. I want to make my own audio album one day.

Do you have any funny tales about a time you bombed on stage?

At one gig a guy’s phone went off and I was doing some funny stuff laying into him about it, but it turned out he had his phone on because he was blind. Yeah...

If you were a fly on a wall, whose wall would you be on?

It’d have to be one of those companies who thinks it’s a good idea to make flavoured water. Imagine it: “It has to be like juice but not juice, and like water but not water...go!”

144 |

08•2015

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

I’d have the power to make money irrelevant. Imagine, all the greedy people who’d want to take me down, but there’d be no incentive for anyone to do it—because money wouldn’t mean anything.

What’s your favourite of your own jokes?

I do some stuff about how some dogs have better lives than humans. Me? I’m aiming for a French Bulldog/ Pomeranian lifestyle.

Dane performs his new show Reasonable Doubts throughout this month at the Edinburgh Festival. See danebaptiste.com

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FUN-GAMES

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