Reader's Digest UK Apr 2019

On Ballet And Boundaries Fiennes Defying Death

HOW TO MAKE PEACE WITH MORTALITY

Features

16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

Olly Mann rediscovers the joys to be had in Britain’s libraries with help from his young son

ENTERTAINMENT

20 INTERVIEW: RALPH FIENNES

Our chat with the elusive actor turned director unearthed more mysteries than it solved

30 “I REMEMBER”: CHRIS STEIN

One half of the legendary new wave band Blondie looks back on his incredible career

HEALTH

40 EVERY ARTHRITIS

QUESTION ANSWERED

This painful joint disease is actually a collection of ailments. Here’s what you need to know

INSPIRE

60 BEST OF BRITISH: WILDLIFE

We round up the best spots in Britain to dust off your binoculars this bank holiday

72 DANCING WITH DEATH

Exploring the surprising new movement demystifying dying

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE

82 VAN GOGH IN LONDON

Did you know that Vincent van Gogh spent three years living in London? We went on the trail of the legendary artist

90 LOST PLACES

Discovering the other-worldly beauty of these abandoned spots

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TICKETS

Dear Readers,

As we move into spring it’s time to start planning some exciting dates for your diary this Easter and beyond. Why not treat the whole family and join your favourite childhood characters in the musical spectacular

WHERE IS PETER RABBIT? Based on the original tales by Beatrix Potter, with all your favourite, this heartwarming production makes its West End premiere at the Theatre Royal Haymarket this April. With voices provided by Griff Rhys Jones and Miriam Margolyes.

If you’re looking for something a bit different, why not book tickets to the 2019 season in the stunning surroundings of Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre? Playing this year are EVITA, A MIDSUMMERS NIGHT’S DREAM, HANSEL AND GRETEL and OUR TOWN – perfect for all the family!

If you’re a big fan of musicals then THE BEST OF…ROCK MUSICALS is for you! Featuring a star-studded cast of West End and Broadway performers and musicians, you’ll hear all your favourite songs from hit musicals including Miss Siagon, Wicked, Chess, Rent, The Lion King and We Will Rock You, for one night only this May! Finally, returning to London from July is JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, the multi award-winning production by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Playing just 60 performances at the Barbican following two sellout seasons at Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre in 2017, this gorgeous, thrilling, heavenly musical is an almighty revelation.

Whatever you want to experience this season, we have a whole range of shows and days out just for you. Browse through our range of musicals, plays, attractions, river cruises, afternoon teas, exhibitions and more at tickets.readersdigest.co.uk or call 020 7400 1238

In This Issue…

Like so many youngsters before me, I grew up wanting to be Debbie Harry. Watching and rewatching clips of Blondie performing “Sunday Girl” on Top of the Pops, I was as transfixed by her androgynous suit and huge peroxide blow-out as I was by the cool character stood slightly behind her on guitar, with the skinny tie and the shock of black hair. My younger self would hardly believe that one day I’d interview Chris Stein in the flesh (if you’ll pardon the pun), and that he’d be just as hip and humble as I’d hoped. Turn to p30 for his memories of being one half of the coolest band on the planet, as well as his recollections of 9/11, growing up in Brooklyn and the best live concert he ever saw—Bob Marley in Texas, does it get any cooler?

Anna

Death is a natural part of the life cycle, so why are so many of us afraid of it? Are we scared of the unknown or is it just down to our unwillingness to accept that the world will go on without us after we’re gone? But to live your life in death anxiety is to waste your precious time on earth. As J K Rowling put it, “To the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure”—all we need to do is to recalibrate our notion of passing. On p72, we talk to five women who did just that and overcame their own fear of dying. Now, they’ve made it their mission to help others do the same through some unique if somewhat unconventional methods.

Eva

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Over To You

LETTERS ON THE FEBRUARY ISSUE

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

Letter of THE MONTH

OUT WITH THE OLD

I have recently relocated from Egypt to Leeds, and subscribed to Reader’s Digest—the February issue was the first one I’ve received and read. What a magnificent magazine. I returned late from work one day, found the magazine in my mail box and started reading it.

I was mesmerised, it’s totally awe-inspiring and captivating. I could not resist moving from Olly Mann’s attic, to Jane Goodall’s remembrance, to SAD management, to saving humanity and more. Reader’s Digest is addictive and I am so glad I subscribed. Muhammed Hebala, Yorkshire

Olly Mann’s column about repurposing his old files really made me chuckle. My dad is a hoarder and always urged us to hang on to all our old school work and books, just in case they one day came in useful. I took his advice for a while and then I realised that I was never going to read through all that stuff again. So, I recycled it. Except, like Olly, I couldn’t bear to part with the university essays. I doubt I will ever refer to them again, but it’s comforting to know they are there; a physical reminder of times gone by. I donated the empty folders to my dad in the hope they’d help him sort his own vast collections of papers.

Jennie Gardner, Somerset

FORGIVE AND FORGET

Richard E Grant’s interview was a compelling article. His career in the entertainment industry is going from strength to strength even after two decades in the business. I best know him from his roles as Dr Zander Rice in the film Logan and Izembaro in the sixth season of Game of Thrones—a particular favourite of mine.

I did find it a shame, however, that he said he was not a very forgiving person. It took me a long time to recognise what forgiving someone can do for your soul.

I’ve spent a lot of my life

holding onto things I didn’t know I was holding onto for fear of appearing weak if I forgave and moved on. However, I soon realised that when you start building walls to protect yourself from one person, your entire head, heart and way of thinking is surrounded by roadblocks. You are holding onto a grudge so tight it spills into all your other relationships.

I hope one day Richard finds it in his heart to be more forgiving. He would feel much better about himself if he did. I know I did about myself.

Corrina C Williams, Denbighshire

THE SKIN YOU’RE IN

Skin says it all in her article, “If I ruled the World.” Feminism means equality with men—that’s it. We only complicate the issue by demanding other pointless changes. I also agree with her thoughts that youth clubs are essential for young people and motorbikes deserve the use of the road as much as other vehicles.

Most of all, we need to ditch the blame culture and use argument and discussion more often. We should be prepared to accept differences of opinion with humour, tolerance and honesty. Having another point of view does not make you right or wrong, but debate gives you an insight into the views of others and, most importantly, why they think differently.

Philippa Sampson, Devon

MAKING SOUNDWAVES

I was very interested to read your article about the book Last Train to Hilversum: A Journey in Search of the Magic of Radio. Like the author Charlie Connelly I remember how back in the Sixties a radio was huge and had names such as Hilversum printed on the wavelength selector. As a child, I always listened to Children’s Hour on the BBC Home Service, and I managed to appear on the programme several times—first, as a contestant in Regional Round. Later, I was invited to

talk about my love of clarinet music. This led to becoming a Young Critic, for which I visited the theatre, cinema and art exhibitions. My name was even printed in Radio Times! Naturally, after leaving school I went to work for the BBC. I spent a few years in their press office and met many celebrities, including an astronaut from the Apollo missions. Reading about this book brought back all my happy memories of the time I worked in radio.

Lucy Pesaro, Middlesex

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WE WANT TO HEAR

From You

PHOTO: © YVA MOMATIUK & JOHN EASTCOTT/MINDEN

…differently

Aloe Dichotoma—the quiver tree— grows mostly in the southern, rocky areas of the African continent. Extreme temperature variations, sparse rain and relentless sunshine make survival here anything but easy. With its forked silver limbs and comparatively massive trunk however, this tree has adapted well to its perilous surroundings and grows up to 30ft tall. Its shimmering bark reflects the sun while its branches are particularly efficient at storing water. Not even a night-time frost presents a challenge to the quiver tree, as the surrounding stones effectively store the day’s heat, releasing it slowly until the next sunrise.

PHOTO: © REMSBERG INC/DESIGN PICS/GETTY IMAGES

Parenting By The Book

Fatherhood finds Olly Mann reigniting his adolescent love for libraries

Ispent school lunchbreaks in the library. This was neither nerdy reclusion nor hipster affectation: I could, conceivably, have joined the cool kids behind the tennis courts, but I didn’t smoke; and, if an aspirational geek culture around comic books and computer games existed in the early 1990s, it had yet to reach north Hertfordshire. No, I went to the library simply because it had central heating, and large tables around which my mates and I made each other laugh, and it wasn’t the sick room. Students who hung around with Matron in their leisure time had mummy-issues. This I knew, even then.

It felt lightly subversive, sneakily

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

sharing crisps and bantering boisterously in the reading room as the occasional teacher tutted. Plus, we were spared the school bullies, who tended not to frequent the library. Bullies aren’t big readers.

That building, with its peppery carpet tiles and phlegm-coloured radiators, bequeathed me many fond memories. It housed an industrialsized photocopier, for example, from which I pumped out 200 weekly copies of the school newspaper (under my editorship, we went tabloid. “Worm Found On School Potato!” was the sensational highlight.) The library also contained the school’s sole copy of Microsoft Encarta, the “digital encyclopaedia” CD-Rom.

Encarta was a bit like Wikipedia, in the same way that a rainy car-boot sale is a bit like Amazon. It proffered thousands of articles, analogue equivalents of which were already accessible in the school’s dusty

copies of Britannica—but with the thrilling opportunity to click on a short accompanying video illustrating some of the entries. I suppose this was intended to inspire related reading. Instead, I just watched the small selection of videos on endless repeat, and became unhealthily obsessed with hideous moments from history. Thus, aged 13, I could recite Herb Morrison’s report from the Hindenburg disaster, verbatim. Oh, the humanity!

After that, libraries never seemed as much fun. Indeed, during my university years, the library was perhaps the only building on campus where fun was specifically prohibited. I did enjoy an occasional nap in there—slumped over a book of Anglo-Saxon grammar in the hope its contents would absorb into my brain by osmosis—but basically my perception of libraries became linked with work, not pleasure. What a shame! Just glancing down the list

of the most-borrowed authors in the UK— Jeffrey Archer, James Patterson, Jaqueline Wilson— it’s clear that the majority of borrowers are, essentially, enrolled for entertainment. Nonetheless, for over a decade I didn’t set foot in a library. What was the point, I reasoned, when I could

buy whatever book I wanted—at second-hand prices if I didn’t want to shell out the RRP—and get it delivered to my door with the click of a mouse? Libraries, or so it seemed to me, were nothing more than day-care centres for the technologically illiterate.

Then I became a dad, and, like many parents, re-discovered the joy of libraries. My three-year-old son, Harvey, seemingly had no need for library membership: his bedroom shelf heaves with brilliant books by Judith Kerr, Alan Ahlberg, and probably more works by Julia Donaldson than even Julia Donaldson has in her personal collection. They amassed at great speed when I clocked that—since Harvey has a knack for emotionally manipulating me into buying him some tchotchke or trinket every time we hit the high street—that thing might as well be a book, rather than some cover-mounted plastic

But I sensed Harvey had begun to see books as rather too available, too unremarkable.

I want him to be familiar with, and undaunted by, the habit of reading. But I also recall, from my own

“The notion of respecting other readers—rather than running around like you’re at soft-play in a chocolate factory—took some time to teach”

childhood, that a certain scarcity can add to the magic of discovering a favourite new tome. I still recall the excitement of unearthing wonderful stories, deep at the back of the communal shelves, and my mixed emotions at having to return them, three weeks later, for another child to enjoy. I wanted Harvey to have experiences like that. So, we joined our local library.

At first, the idea of ordering a book, then waiting a week for it to arrive, completely foxed him. He’s grown

accustomed to the idea that whatever content he desires can be summoned up with a tap of a smartphone. Also, the notion of respecting other readers—rather running around the room like you’re at soft-play in a chocolate factory— took some time to teach. But now Harvey is a firm fan of the library experience. He has his own little card, understands his responsibilities to return the books he borrows, and is exposed to a broader range of the community than elsewhere: pupils revising for their GCSEs, local poets and authors, and those old chaps who ostensibly turn up each day to read The Telegraph, but really, I suspect, are there for the company. Last week, indeed, Harvey was so excited to visit the library that he did a wee on the floor. The staff were very sympathetic.

Fatherhood, then, has rekindled my affection for libraries. But I must say, I miss the banter. n

VIRTUOUS VERMIN

These facts might make you look at rats a little differently…

Rats are capable of empathy. A recent study showed that they will choose to help a swimming rat get out of water over chocolate for themselves

At the height of druglord Pablo Escobar’s power, ten per cent of his wealth was written off, because rats had managed to nibble into so many of the cash stacks stored in his warehouse

When they’re tickled rats are sent into fits of ultrasonic giggles inaudible to humans. They enjoy the experience so much, they often chase researchers’ hands for more

Ralph Fiennes Goes Off Script

The distinguished actor chats to Eva Mackevic about his latest passion project, The White Crow, working with Anthony Minghella and the importance of kindness. But he’s not too happy about it

My shirt is soaking wet. It’s not a particularly hot day though, and—no—I haven’t been caught in the rain or sprinted to the office—I’ve been on the phone to Ralph Fiennes for the last half an hour. He called me from New York, where he’s taking a few days off from filming, and from the moment I answered the phone and heard a frostily composed: “Hello, Eva. This is Ralph Fiennes,” I knew I had my work cut out.

I’m on the phone to Ralph to discuss his third directorial venture, The White Crow—a biographical drama about the world’s most prolific ballet dancer, Rudolf Nureyev, detailing his life from the poverty-stricken childhood in eastern Siberia to his dramatic

defection from the USSR in 1961. In addition to directing the film, Ralph also plays Nureyev’s teacher, Alexander Pushkin, performing the role entirely in Russian.

The film, he tells me, wasn’t an easy one to make, especially from a financial perspective. “It was extremely difficult. A lot of drama is made on TV now, and this was a film with a lot of scenes in Russian and French, which is a tough sell because English-language movies are more commercially attractive in the market place. I also wanted an unknown dancer who could act the role. I suppose people were looking for global names which help to sell a movie. Not having any always makes it hard.”

If you’re excited by the things your character is doing, that gives you the fuel to play the part” “

It is a tad odd then that far from relishing the opportunity to sing the praises of his pet project, Ralph sounds bored and annoyed, as if he’d rather be getting his teeth pulled than having this conversation with me right now.

As we’re chatting about The White Crow, including the intricacies of shooting heavily choreographed scenes and working with a firsttime actor (Nureyev’s portrayed by the James Dean-esque Russian ballet soloist, Oleg Ivenko), drawing questions out of Ralph actually feels like pulling teeth—each answer is preceded by a heavy sigh and a pause that feels like an eternity. When it finally does surface, it inevitably begins with, “It’s very hard to talk about these things,” “I don’t know how

to answer your question,” or some intricate variation of the two.

I get it, though. With such a rich and distinguished filmography under his belt, Ralph can afford to be a tad capricious. After all, he’s worked with everyone from Steven Spielberg to Wes Anderson, has been nominated for two Oscars and his stage credits are what any Shakespeare interpreter’s dreams are made of. He is, however, best known for his menacing, villainous film roles, such as the sadistic SS officer in the war epic, Schindler’s List, or the fearsome Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter franchise.

“I look for some point of identification with a character. As an actor, if you’re excited by the things

(Top left) Ralph directing Russian dancer Oleg Ivenko on the set of The White Crow; (top right) as Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter films; (above) as Amon Goeth in Schindler’s List

that your character is doing, if your imagination is stimulated by a scene… that gives you the fuel to play the part, whether they’re good, bad, gentle, kind—or evil monsters. You want to feel how it’s written, I want my imagination to be stimulated by that.”

When I ask him whether he feels more comfortable playing villains or good guys, like The White Crow’s kind-hearted if slightly meek dance teacher, Pushkin, Ralph practically scolds me for asking such a simplistic question: “I don’t think it’s healthy to think in terms of, Am I comfortable or not, it’s more useful to think, Am I closer to getting to some kind of truth here? That’s what you want to be asking yourself.”

I attempt to steer our conversation towards the similarities between him

Isn’t it a lesson of life to learn how to wrangle one’s impetuous emotions and selfish feelings? As you get older, you begin to see how your actions affect others” “

and the characters he plays. Are the good ones easier for him to relate to? Does he consider himself to be a kind person in general? Finally, I get a slight reaction. Ralph chuckles with grace and a hint of derision: “Well, I think that’s something we should all watch out for, isn’t it? You’re asking me a big question... Isn’t it a lesson of life to learn how to wrangle one’s impetuous emotions and selfish feelings? As you get older, you begin to see how your actions affect others and hopefully you gather some kind of sensibility.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. Ralph reveals that his mother Jennifer was the perfect example of this kind of behaviour: patient and tolerant, she was the one who nurtured her son’s interest in acting. “She was a strong believer that the child must discover things for themselves, and must be

given the freedom to find the thing that they wanted to do.”

He even recalls the day he told her he wanted to pursue acting: “I was doing a foundation course at the Chelsea College of Art, which I was enjoying. There was a freeing nature to that course after the conventional grammar school environment. The art school atmosphere was designed to push you to be inquisitive and curious and something about it gave me the confidence to say, ‘This is what I need to do.’ Once I said that to my mother, it was as if she’d been waiting for me to say it. She was completely behind it. She was really supportive of what all her children chose to do.”

Having directed his third film now, I wonder whether Ralph applies a similar method of gentle encouragement to the way he

manages actors on set. “That’s a very beautiful way to instruct and one that I aspire to but I know I’m quite vocal. I sometimes have to say, ‘No, it has to be like this.’ But I think the thing is to say, ‘Yes, that’s interesting but what happens if we go here? One of the basic things about directing is not to close a door. You don’t want to close down the confidence of an actor who’s exploring and that’s really important.”

Having been on the other side of the camera, Ralph knows what makes a great director—he’s had numerous masters to learn from over the years. As I probe him for anecdotes on the different movie heavyweights he’s worked with—Spielberg, Minghella,

Redford—he shares bite-sized morsels about their individual styles. “They’re all very different. Anthony Minghella had a very particular, gentle, probing style. I think he genuinely wanted to see what an actor could reveal for him, and bring to a line or a moment. That’s quite rare, when someone is genuinely exploring. And Steven [Spielberg] is very different. Much more vocal and direct in a very exciting way. He would say, ‘Say it quicker’ or ‘Change the line a bit’. I could really feel his technical knowledge. And then there would be someone like Wes Anderson who would be very precise. The words written in the screenplay are the

The moment you bring in the word ‘romantic’, my doors are closing” “

words you’re going to speak. He’s not someone who encourages any improvisation around the text. Wes loves the actors to do lots of different takes which I like because I get permission to reinvent a scene in many different ways. That’s exciting.”

Ralph could talk about directing all day. He admits that he doesn’t have a great technical knowledge but says that he has found the process of learning what a lens can do to a face or a camera move can do to a moment fascinating. His private life? Not so much. The moment I allude to his dating life, he shoots right back: “I’m not going to talk about it. The tone of your question is towards my personal life and the moment you bring in the word ‘romantic’, my doors are closing.”

“Not to worry,” I say and move on to the next question, but I immediately feel the repercussions of my careless move, as Ralph reverts back to oneword answers:

“What do you do to relax?” I ask.

“I love reading.”

“What was the last thing you read?”

“Philip Roth’s The Plot Against America.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I did. Your half hour is up, my darling.”

And with that, the doors are slammed shut for good. n

Ralph Fiennes’ The White Crow is out in cinemas across the UK now

ONE LPA OR TWO LPAS?

What Are They And What Can You Do About Them?

The mainstream media generally seems to place greater emphasis on the financial implications of not having a Lasting Power of Attorney in place but should the “Health and Welfare” LPA really be the poor relation?

With two different LPAs available, which is more important to you, “Property and Finance” or “Health and Welfare”? Many people now understand the advantages of making an LPA that helps to keep their Property and Financial Affairs in order but fewer people seem to fully appreciate the benefits of making a Health and Welfare LPA.

What if I lose mental capacity and don’t have a Health & Welfare LPA?

Your family members and loved ones are likely to not have a say in how you live or are cared for:

• Social Services may have to take the lead in making decisions about where you should live and what care you will receive.

• Only your legal next of kin would be

consulted about decisions regarding resuscitation and life sustaining treatment. And even though they are talked to, it still does not mean they will have the final say.

• Decisions may have to be made by the Court of Protection, rather than by the people you would choose. This will be an expensive and time-consuming process.

How can a Health and Welfare LPA be used if I have one?

Unlike a Property and Finance LPA, a Health and Welfare LPA can only ever be used if you have lost the mental capacity to make such decisions yourself. With this LPA in place, your chosen attorneys have the power to make decisions about things like:

• your daily routine, for example washing, dressing, eating

• medical care

• moving into a care home

• life-sustaining treatment

With a growing number of Britons suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s, careful planning is needed to make sure that you would have the right people making decisions on your behalf if the need arises. In the absence of a Health and Welfare LPA you run the risk of having strangers making decisions about your personal welfare, even if your friends or relations know far better what your choices would have been.

“ Many people now understand the advantages of making an LPA that helps to keep their Property and Financial Affairs in order but fewer people seem to fully appreciate the benefits of making a Health and Welfare LPA ”

In short, only by having both LPAs in place, can you make sure that your wishes in as many aspects of life as possible are always going to be taken into consideration. Contact Honey today so that our experienced team can guide you through the process. n

FOR MORE INFORMATION

email hello@honeygroup.co.uk or phone 0800 9 500 100 to arrange a free, no obligation consultation at a time convenient to you and your loved ones, in the comfort of your own home.

I REMEMBER… Chris Stein

Co-founder and guitarist of the legendary new wave band, Blondie, Chris Stein (69) has also made waves as a photographer, with his work perfectly capturing the heyday of New York City

…GROWING UP IN BROOKLYN.

I spent my first couple of years living on a high street before we moved to a more rural area. I was always out on the street with my friends from the neighbourhood. There wasn’t this fear of trouble or being abducted, or murdered back then.

…I STARTED PLAYING GUITAR WHEN I TURNED 12—my parents bought me one for Christmas. It was a Harmony Rocket and it was kind of simplistic, but I had it for a long time.

I used to sit in my room making noise for hours and hours.

…I ENJOYED ALL THE USUAL SUSPECTS during my childhood: The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, all the British Invasion bands. I have always been a big fan of Cream—when their first album came out, that was a big deal. I was also exposed to really diverse music, Latin and R&B and all kinds of stuff beyond rock ‘n’ roll. Hip-hop in particular was very exciting.

I realised this energy going on uptown was the same as what we were doing downtown.

…I GOT THROWN OUT OF SCHOOL for having long hair. The dean called a bunch of us into his office and told us he was worried that our hair would blow in front of our faces and we would get hit by cars.

I was happy to get out, I hated public school. Schools are different now because they’re inclusive and there’s diversity but when I was a kid, they were staffed by some sociopaths who shouldn’t have been near children, let alone teaching them.

…MY MUM WAS ALWAYS VERY SUPPORTIVE. She was a painter, and her work was very abstract, Picassoesque. She used to be a window designer in Manhattan and claimed to have hung out with Willem de Kooning and people like that. I always

A young Chris poses with his father who died aged just 55

saw her painting when I was a kid, but I didn’t appreciate it until much later. I wish I had more of her stuff left.

…MEETING DEBBIE HARRY. I went to see the first ever Stilettos concert, and I was really taken with Debbie. I thought she was terrific, and I could already see in her what a lot of people saw later on. Shortly after, I joined the band. She was a little more tentative in the early years, but she always had charisma. We were friendly for a few months before we got involved romantically and we’ve been friends ever since. We had a conversation last night and we’re both really positive. I tend to be pretty optimistic in general, I just try to move forward.

…I’D JUST COME BACK FROM LONDON when I met Debbie. I met

Lemmy [of Motörhead] there when he was in Hawkwind and talked to him in a pub for a while. I stayed up by Portobello and I went to Notting Hill Carnival. That was the first time I was exposed to reggae music. I was really excited by that because, like hip-hop, I wasn’t very familiar with the genre. I had only heard “Stir It Up” by Johnny Nash in the States before then.

…THE SCENE AT CBGB WAS EXCITING, but also very isolated and incestuous. The audience was made up of people from the bands and their friends. There wasn’t a lot of outside attention at first. The British papers were the first to pick up on the New York music scene.

Melody Maker and NME came over—before then we’d only been covered by local press. There was a legend that Jackie Kennedy went to CBGB. The veracity of that I don’t know, but the story goes around…

Price Records on Kensington High Street. They expected a couple hundred people, but thousands showed up. The street was blocked, and the police had to come out—it was full-on mania. It was exciting, but we weren’t quite ready for it. The Beatles were our heroes, so it was cool to go through the same rights of passage.

“My memories of 9/11 are very vivid because we were right there. It was heavy duty, and it hurt for a long time”

…DEBBIE AND I WERE a lot more tentative when we first performed as Blondie. We had to learn it all. We’re not extroverted people and there was a lot of self-pushing to get ourselves to do it.

…WE WERE DOING AN IN-STORE APPEARANCE at a place called Our

…I WAS ALWAYS FOOLING AROUND WITH BOX CAMERAS as a kid but the first real camera I owned was a Pentax. At first, I just wanted to make nice images and shoot stuff that I saw around. It was only later that I thought about putting together some kind of atmosphere of the period in my books. There’s a lot of stuff I wish I’d taken pictures of, but I’d often go to a concert and think, I can either take pictures or enjoy the music, it’s one or the other. We saw Bob Marley in Texas and I wish I’d brought a camera to that. That was one of my favourite concerts ever.

…ANDY WARHOL WAS REALLY SWEET, such a nice guy and a great listener. He always lent this air to any event he was at. If you were at a party and Andy showed up, you’d think, Okay now we’re at the right party. I used to say it was like the pope

coming in. He was always very gracious and friendly, so I never felt put off photographing him by his status.

…THE LAST TIME I SAW DAVID BOWIE was right before he died. He was always very kind and professional. But he was really cautious when I was around him with a camera because he was protective about his image, so I only managed to get a couple shots of him and Debbie.

We were on tour with him in America when he was playing keyboards for Iggy Pop on the Idiot tour. It was our first big tour and we were really excited to be with those guys because they were our heroes. I remember having conversations with David where he was analysing the punk scene and what it meant to be a punk. Iggy was being a punk

“Thousands of people showed up. The street was blocked, the police came—it was full-on mania”

before anyone else was. I photographed Debbie and Iggy too, and he was always a lot looser.

…I MET MY WIFE [ACTRESS

BARBARA SICURANZA] when she was doing a show. I thought she was really attractive and smart, so I pulled myself together and approached her. We were friends for quite a while before we got together romantically.

…MY MEMORIES OF 9/11 ARE VERY VIVID because we were right there. I don’t think I appreciated the

Debbie with actor Dennis Christopher and Andy Warhol. (Below); with David Bowie

scale of it at the time. It was heavy duty and it hurt for a really long time. We were about ten blocks away from the site when it happened. My wife and I took a bunch of videos—you can find them online. A few of them were filmed in Debbie’s apartment. We were visiting because she’d just gotten a kitten, and you can see it in some of the videos. Then we walked back downtown with our cameras facing forward and there was this huge dust cloud. We cried a few times.

I kept coming across cars that had stopped in the street, and there would be a whole crowd of people listening to the radio with the doors thrown open. As we passed one of the local hospitals there was a huge, huge line around the block, of people wanting to donate blood. They were turning people away because they couldn’t accommodate them,

Debbie has owned several cats over her lifetime, one of which featured in Chris’s videos of 9/11

“My daughters help me with my old age because I have to keep up with them”

and they didn’t think there would be that many survivors, which is so sad in retrospect.

There was a lot of camaraderie in New York for about a year after that. But it changed our cultural environment and the financial environment in the city too, because it opened the floodgates to consumerism. Suddenly New York got a lot of attention.

…HOW FATHERHOOD CHANGED

ME. My daughters help me with my old age because I have to keep up

with them. It’s kind of fascinating seeing them evolve and become more intelligent. At one point they only cared about Spongebob, but now that they’re 13 and 15 I can talk to them about movies and social things that go on in the world. They’re both really into graphic stuff now. The little one is drawing all the time and the older one does a lot of video and editing. They’re both very modern kids though, and on their phones all the time…

…NEW YORK HAS CHANGED SO MUCH. It’s the same as London or any other big city, where small businesses are having trouble.

Everybody is at the mercy of Amazon and so on. There used to be so many great little bookstores and gas stations in the city and you can’t find a gas station anywhere now. There used to be all these little clubs too and now everything has changed over to big hotels and chains.

It’s still a thriving city though, and there are a lots of cool bands like Surfbort, a great punk freak band who I really like. n

As told to Anna Walker

Point Of View: Me, New York City and The Punk Scene by Chris Stein is available now, published by Rizzoli, £40

Do you now understand the value of my counsel to start exerting yourselves with all your strength for what is good, and to keep your thoughts pure ? Not giving up, but pursuing this course with all your longing, all your energy? It will uplift you ! It will change you and your environment ! — In the Light of Truth

Grail Message Foundation

Things 25

To About Arthritis Know

This painful joint disease is actually a collection of many ailments. The first line of defence: Educate yourself

BY SARI HARRAR WITH ADDITIONS

BY LUCY WILDMAN

BY JAMES STEINBERG

Arthritis. If the word makes you think about older folks with creaky knees and jumbo bottles of ibuprofen, you need an update. This painful joint disease is widespread and comes in many forms.

By far the most common type, currently affecting 40 million people across Europe, is osteoarthritis. The UK-based Rheumatology journal reports a lifetime risk of 45 per cent for knee and 25 per cent for hip osteoarthritis. It’s the fastest growing cause of disability worldwide.

Other types of arthritis, including gout, psoriatic arthritis, and rheumatoid arthritis, add to the misery. Gout affects from about one percent to two and a half per cent of the population, depending on the country, psoriatic arthritis less than half of one per cent and rheumatoid arthritis about one per cent.

All told, rheumatic conditions and other musculoskeletal diseases (including such diseases as fibromyalgia, tendinitis and carpal tunnel syndrome) will strike one in four Europeans—more than 120 million people—at some point in their lives, reports the European League Against Rheumatism (EULAR).

There’s no cure for any form of arthritis, but science has made several breakthroughs in understanding how to treat the inflammation and pain that come with it, as well as how to halt the underlying joint damage.

OSTEOARTHRITIS

(OA): Wear and tear of the cartilage cushion between joints that can often cause—and in some cases result from—chronic inflammation.

1 Old-fashioned X-rays are the best diagnostic tool. A Washington University study noted that X-rays can diagnose OA as accurately as MRI scans—and they do it faster and more cheaply. Identifying arthritis early gives you time to turn to lifestyle changes (more on those below) before irreversible damage is done to your knees (the most common pain point) or other joints.

2 The most common treatment for OA doesn’t repair joints. Up to 85 per cent of sufferers try nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) such as ibuprofen. Though they can be effective at getting you through the day, says Kelli Allen, a researcher at the Thurston Arthritis Research Centre at the University of North Carolina, they don’t protect joints from progressive damage and may have serious side effects.

3 When people with osteoarthritis used NSAID gels, drops, or patches,

half said their pain fell by 50 per cent or more over 12 weeks. Because these versions are rubbed onto your skin, less of the drug gets into your blood, reducing the risk of gastrointestinal bleeding, heart problems, and other side effects. That said, don’t use these topical treatments if you have kidney disease or are taking oral NSAIDs.

activity, and increasing NSAID use— all factors in cardiovascular risk. All told, researchers estimate that OA boosts your odds for heart disease by 24 per cent. (Psoriatic and rheumatoid arthritis raise the odds even higher.)

6 Australian researchers who reviewed the evidence for 20 topselling herbs and dietary supplements used to treat OA concluded that three—Boswellia serrata extract, pine bark extract, and curcumin—are most effective in reducing inflammation and pain short term.

4 A 2018 study of 240 osteoarthritis patients showed that those who took opioids were in slightly more pain after a year than those who took non-opioid medication. Researchers aren’t sure why, but as these drugs can be very addictive, they recommend against opioids.

5 Arthritis hurts your heart by contributing to chronic inflammation, reducing physical

7 Cortisone injections don’t help long term. “A single shot can ease pain,” says Dr Timothy McAlindon, chief of rheumatology at Tufts Medical Centre in Boston. But a recent study found that repeated shots of cortisone, a steroid, not only didn’t control pain but actually led to more joint damage.

8 Insomnia is an often undertreated side effect of arthritis, but there are fixes. Lack of sleep can intensify sensitivity to pain, a problem for OA patients, according to a study at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. Cognitive behavioural therapy, which

helps people change distorted thinking that can worsen pain levels, has been shown to increase the amount of time OA sufferers slept—and decreased their pain.

9 A new device called Coolief uses specialised electrodes to send watercooled radio waves into the tissue around your knee, which temporarily deactivates nerves. Patients reported longer-lasting pain relief (up to 12 months) with Coolief than with cortisone injections.

RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS

(RA): The immune system attacks the fluid that lubricates joints, causing inflammation and destroying cartilage.

10 Vitamin D could help prevent RA. In a study, researchers found that people with low blood levels of vitamin D, which boosts immune function, were at higher risk for RA. (One great free source of vitamin D: sunshine.)

11 Menopause worsens symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis. A 2018 study of 8,189 women in the journal Rheumatology confirmed that joint degeneration speeds up after menopause. Early menopause can trigger the disease too.

12 Rheumatoid arthritis can raise your risk for certain types of cancer. Lung cancer, lymphoma, and multiple myeloma are more common in people with RA, partly due to inflammation and partly because RA drugs suppress the immune system.

13 Patients getting diseasemodifying antirheumatic drugs (DMARDs) should understand that one DMARD doesn’t fit all. “DMARDs can put RA into remission, but a drug may stop working after several years. Some people have to try several before they find the one that works

best,” says Dr. David Daikh, president of the American College of Rheumatology.

14 Tumour necrosis factor (TNF) is an inflammatory protein responsible for pain and cartilage degeneration in RA, and drugs called TNF inhibitors can sometimes block it. And if one TNF inhibitor—such as etanercept (Enbrel) and adalimumab (Humira)—doesn’t work, try another. In a recent study, 43 per cent of patients who didn’t respond to one type of TNF inhibitor responded positively to a different one.

15 Biologic drugs—such as etanercept (Enbrel), golimumab (Simponi), and adalimumab (Humira)—are engineered from human genes. They work by targeting specific parts of the inflammation process rather than suppressing the immune system in general (as older DMARDs do), so they tend to have fewer side effects.

16 Genetic profiling could soon pinpoint which drug classes or individual drugs will work for you. In a new study published last May in the US-based journal Arthritis & Rheumatology, researchers analysed joint tissue from 41 rheumatoid arthritis patients to determine

which gene variations each individual had and how they responded to each type of drug. Next they hope to predict which patients will respond best to specific drugs based on their genetics, saving time and money.

PSORIATIC ARTHRITIS

(PsA): An autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks healthy joint tissue, PsA affects about 30 per cent of people with psoriasis, a condition marked by red, scaly patches on the skin or scalp.

17 PsA is not RA. Psoriatic arthritis is often misdiagnosed as rheumatoid arthritis, but the cause and many treatments are different.

Until 2013, the medications to treat psoriatic arthritis were RA drugs. Since then, new treatments for those with PsA have become available.

18 A timely diagnosis can prevent permanent joint damage. “In PsA, erosive joint changes can begin within six months of first symptoms,” says rheumatologist Dr. Sergio Schwartzman. “But many people have a five-year delay in receiving a diagnosis.”

19 Psoriatic arthritis sufferers are six times more likely to have

the inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) known as Crohn’s disease, according to a study of more than 174,000 women. Chronic inflammation underlies both Crohn’s and PsA, and some medications used to treat arthritis may exacerbate IBD symptoms. People with PsA are also at higher risk for diabetes, osteoporosis, kidney disease, other autoimmune diseases, and many other conditions.

GOUT

Caused by uric acid crystals in joints (most often in the big toe).

20 Cases of gout have increased steadily in recent years, particularly here in the UK, where about one in 40 people suffer from it, according to the London-based Annals of the Rheumatic Diseases. The number of UK cases rose nearly 30 per cent between 1997 and 2012. In Sweden, too, a research article reported that the incidence of gout rose steadily from 2005 to 2012, increasing by almost 50 per cent among the Swedish population.

The use of certain medications for high blood pressure—especially loop and thiazide diuretics—are among

the top reasons for the increase. Foods and drinks rich in compounds called purines (such as alcohol, bacon, and sweets) also contribute to the formation of uric acid crystals, as does being overweight and sedentary.

21 Tomatoes could be a gout trigger for some people, a study from 2015 found. Tomatoes, which can increase uric acid levels, were the fourth most common food trigger after seafood, alcohol, and red meat. Cherries, however, can lower risk of an attack. In a 2012 study, researchers followed people with gout for a year and found that those who ate fresh cherries or took cherry extract throughout the year were 37 per cent less likely to have recurrent attacks.

22

Gout drugs can be effective, but they can also have drawbacks. In a 2018 study of more than 6,000 people with gout, those who took febuxostat were 34 per cent more likely to die from heart disease than people who took allopurinol, another common gout drug. But allopurinol can cause liver problems, while another older gout drug, colchicine, can cause severe diarrhea.

HEALTHY CHOICES

New research has proven that oldtime remedies really work. While most studies have been done with osteoarthritis or rheumatoid patients, experts say these strategies will help almost all kinds of arthritis.

23 In a study of 640 overweight and obese people, those who lost just five per cent of their body weight over two years had lower rates of cartilage degeneration.

24 Fiber and fish can reduce pain. People who ate 22 to 28 grams of fiber per day had a 30 to 61 percent lower risk for OA-related knee pain. One study showed that RA patients who ate fish at least twice a week had fewer swollen, tender joints than those who rarely did.

25 And so can exercise and physical therapy. Just 45 minutes a week of walking or easy exercise helped people with OA reduce pain and improve joint function in knees, hips, and ankles by 80 per cent. And a review of 21 complementary therapies found that acupuncture, massage, yoga, and tai chi were all effective in easing pain. n

THE HAPPIEST MEAL OF YOUR LIFE

There are more branches of McDonald’s in the US than there are hospitals. Thankfully the chain is still outnumbered by public libraries. For those who really love a Big Mac, a hop across the pond to Hong Kong will take them to a brach where fast food lovers can get married—and swap balloon rings—for just £935. Bargain.

SOURCE: MCDONALDS.COM.HK/EN/PARTIES/WEDDING-PARTY.HTML

Take control of your heart health and lead a more fulfilling life, with OMRON EVOLV Blood Pressure Monitor!

Tech-savvy and want to take control of your heart health? The new OMRON EVOLV with Alexa integration is perfect for you!

People are increasingly organising their busy lives using their smartphones while on the move and a new Alexa skill developed by global No.1 blood pressure monitor brand OMRON can enable you to monitor your health in a matter of seconds, wherever you may be.

As many as 7 million people in the UK are living with undiagnosed high blood pressure, without knowing they are at risk. High blood pressure isn’t usually something that you can feel or notice, but it is known to increase your risk of a number of serious and potentially lifethreatening conditions. According to the World Health Organization, the number of Europeans suffering from high blood pressure amounts to over 40% of the population aged 25 years or more.

Throughout its 85-year history, awardwinning OMRON Healthcare has been

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striving to improve lives by developing innovative products that help people prevent and manage their medical conditions, both at home and in clinical practice in over 117 countries. Trusted and recommended by doctors and pharmacists, and with over 200 million products sold worldwide, they are the market leader in digital blood pressure monitors. OMRON has now gone even further and developed a new interactive connection to Amazon’s Alexa that is capable of comparing blood pressure readings and flagging ones that are higher than usual.

The OMRON Alexa skill works through the OMRON Connect App, which syncs with OMRON’s entire range of upper arm and wrist monitors. It also provides guidelines and tips to ensure accurate blood pressure measurement. Through

this integrated tool, you will be able to ask Alexa to compare blood pressure readings across different dates and times of the day. No tubes. No wires. All you have to do is give Alexa the command to check your latest readings for you.

Built with the OMRON Intelli Wrap Cuff technology, it ensures an accurate reading in any position around the upper arm and tracks progress through the app with just a few taps on your smartphone. The OMRON Alexa Skill is perfect for those who are tech-savvy and looking to stay in control of their health.

Please ensure you consult your family doctor or GP about your blood pressure. n

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION

For more information about OMRON EVOLV with Alexa Skill integration, please visit www.omron-healthcare.co.uk.

How to sync your OMRON device with Alexa

1. Download the Amazon Alexa app to your phone

2. Follow the Amazon Alexa App instructions to complete Amazon Dot set up (if used)

3. Download the OMRON Connect app to your phone

4. Pair the app to your OMRON EVOLV device

5. Link OMRON Health Skill to Alexa

6. Start taking blood pressure measurements twice daily with your OMRON EVOLV

7. Monitor your readings via Alexa, who will tell you your recent readings, whether this was high, low or normal, and give you information on how to control your blood pressure

Choc Shock

We’ve become rather used to the idea that chocolate’s good for us and are happy to justify our own weakness for the sweet brown stuff when we read some new report about the health benefits. But, with Easter almost upon us, what are the facts?

Chocolate can enhance your health

There’s evidence that polyphenols, naturally occurring compounds found in cocoa and chocolate, might help reduce blood pressure. They might also help cognitive performance, especially in older people, and contain anti-oxidant qualities that could limit cell damage in the body. One study even suggested the sweet treat might enhance performance in sportspeople. Dark chocolate with a high cacao content is best. Milk chocolate has fewer healthgiving properties.

Susannah Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

But—it can damage it too

It’s important to remember that chocolate’s full of sugar and saturated fat. If you gorge on it on a regular basis, you’re likely to put on weight. Being overweight is a risk factor for a number of health problems, including heart disease, cancer and diabetes.

The ideal amount is just two squares a day

Sorry if this comes as a bombshell to those of you who think that a bar of chocolate a day is the perfect portion. An average bar will put on 250 calories. You’d have to walk for more than 45 minutes to work it off. However, a square or two of chocolate should be enough to confer the health benefits we’re after.

There’s no such thing as a “chocoholic” Chocolate is the most craved food,

which has led to claims that it’s addictive. But it’s likely that we’re simply attracted to the sugar and fat content. We know it’s naughty, so we’re desperate for the stuff when we deny ourselves. At any rate, the compounds in chocolate which have an effect on our brain are also present in greater quantities in other, less appealing foods.

People with depression eat more chocolate

Researchers at the University of California San Diego School of Medicine found that the more down people felt, the more chocolate they consumed. The difficulty was that the boffins weren’t able to determine if people ate more bars because they were miserable or if the chocolate actually made them more depressed. In fact, Canadian research found that saturated fat—and there’s quite a bit of that in chocolate—caused

metabolic changes that could be linked to depression.

You can still nibble a few squares if you have diabetes

It’s a myth that you can’t eat chocolate if you have diabetes. You can still consume it in moderation. And there’s no need for diabetic chocolate. It still has a high fat content, and may raise blood glucose levels.

You can enjoy Easter without chocolate

Think of making a few healthy swaps. How about giving a bunch of daffs rather than Easter eggs? Or decorate hard boiled eggs for an Easter egg hunt. But if it would all seem a bit dull without chocolate, opt for the dark variety. n

Don’t Panic

Have you ever had that sudden rush of anxiety, along with a racing heart, shortness of breath and maybe other symptoms such as dizziness or ringing in your ears?

…if so, it’s likely you’ve had a panic attack. Panic attacks can be terrifying, with sufferers often believing they’re having a heart attack. But be reassured that they’re usually over within 15 minutes and don’t do you any physical harm. They happen when your body goes into “fight or flight” mode, with your body trying to take in more oxygen, breathing more quickly and releasing hormones, such as adrenaline, which make your heart beat faster and your muscles tense.

Of course, it’s always worth checking there’s no physical cause, especially if your attack doesn’t subside, you feel ill afterwards or have chest pains. If everything seems normal, then your attacks could be triggered by PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) or an anxiety disorder. Or it also may be that other people in your family have them.

The good news is, there are things you can do to prevent your panic

attacks or make them less scary. First of all, try to understand that they’re harmless and will go away. This is easier if you’ve had one before. Then, at the first sign of a panic surge, you could try breathing exercises, counting objects around you or imagining yourself in a place where you feel calm and happy.

Or give this easy three-minute meditation exercise a go. First, check on how you’re feeling right now. Then, focus on your breathing. Finally, start to think about your environment. This should distract you and calm you down.

Making a few changes could help too. Think about limiting alcohol, because it’s not unheard of to have a panic attack the day after a “session”. And don’t overdo the caffeine.

It’s also important to get plenty of sleep and exercise. If you still need help, psychological therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy may be worthwhile. You can refer yourself without going to your GP. n

Ask The Expert: Keeping The Doctor Away

Sara Davenport

Sara Davenport is the founder of the Breast Cancer Haven charity, author of Reboot Your Health and health blogger

How did you become an authority on preventive health care?

I have been fascinated by complementary and alternative therapies for 40 years and have a wide overview. I read research and try everything on the market but am very sceptical. Since setting up Breast Cancer Haven 20 years ago, I’ve talked to hundreds of people about their health.

Why is it important to tune into our bodies?

You need to take responsibility for your own health, because the body whispers before it shouts. You are the one who will hear those whispers. If something goes out of sync, you will be able to deal with it more easily.

What do people need to be aware of?

The most helpful thing is to establish your health baseline—what’s normal for the different parts of your body and how you measure up, so you can track against it.

What tips can you offer to keep the doctor away?

There are free tests you can do yourself. For example, if you’re exhausted, there’s an easy basal body temperature test (BBT) for thyroid function. Take your temperature under your arm over a few days and measure it against a BBT chart— there’s one in my book. Reducing stress will help protect your immune system. List all the stresses in your life—past and present—and try to deal with them one at a time.

How can people maintain good health in the long term?

Every day think, Is what I’m doing today making my immune system stronger or knocking it back? Are you eating foods that strengthen or foods that weaken you? Are you exercising, taking the right supplements, drinking enough water? n

Sara blogs at reboothealth.co.uk

Highs and Lows

This month Max Pemberton confronts a personal bugbear: the fashion for recreational drugs

I’m going to confess to something very unfashionable. And no, I’m not talking about the purple paisley shirt I bought in a moment of madness in the summer sales. I am aware that this was a serious fashion faux pas and I’m not even going to start on the fact that I also bought a matching tie. Needless to say, they have never seen the light of day and remain languishing at the bottom of my wardrobe.

No, the thing that I’m going to confess to concerns something which, given my age and fairly liberal outlook on life, is far more shocking. It concerns drugs. Usually when people confess to things concerning drugs there’s a policeman present and they’re in handcuffs. But my confession is rather different: I abhor illicit drugs and have no time for

Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full time in mental health for the NHS. His latest book is a self-help guide to using CBT to stop smoking

people who take them. Big deal. Surely everyone’s anti-drugs, aren’t they? Apparently not. Drug taking among young professionals seems to be perfectly acceptable. There’s a feeling that providing you don’t have to bash old ladies over the head to get the money to pay for it, then it’s OK to take them. Drugs, it seems, are fine if you can afford them, but evil if you can’t. But this is where I get into deep water. It’s actually not the “smackheads” on the street which I find riling but rather the smug educated classes who are titillated by the idea of dabbling in something a bit “naughty”. Of course, we’re not all doing drugs, but for those who do, there appears no shame in admitting it out in the open. Just the other day I walked into the toilet of a bar in central London and someone was snorting cocaine out in the open by the sinks. Rather than panic or look ashamed, he coolly offered me a line. I declined.

Ironically coming from a doctor, my feelings about drug taking are not based on the damage they do to

people’s bodies. As far as I’m concerned, it’s an individual’s right to choose to damage their body or not. Rather, my feelings are based on what drug taking does to other people. There’s a fantastic amount of hypocrisy around drugs. While it’s perfectly acceptable for the middle classes, come the weekend, to snort and smoke whatever they like, prostitution, gun crime, murder, extortion, burglary or armed robbery is roundly considered unacceptable. For a species that are apparently so intelligent, we can be exceptionally bad when it comes to cause and effect. The likes of those doing cocaine at the weekend, when they are mugged, or burgled, or worse, are the first to run to the police, failing to see that their weekend habits are part of the same chain of activity. It’s just another case of nimbyism.

What strikes me as ludicrous is that the vast majority of my friends who admit to using illicit drugs would

never consider drinking anything but the fairest of fairtrade coffee, while happily snorting substances which innumerable people have died to get into the country. But the executives and professionals live a rarefied existence, divorced from the more unpleasant aspects of an underworld they are so happy to finance. Heroin is certainly not chic. From cannabis to coke, drugs are all part of the same underworld and taking them is, quite literally, buying into it.

It doesn’t matter if it’s taken in a trendy nightclub, the comfort of your own house or in the backstreets of an inner city it’s ensuring that an industry based on exploitation, fear and murder is perpetuated. But while it enrages me when I hear about people doing drugs, it’s unfashionable to admit it. But I have never been that good when it comes to fashion. And I’ve got the purple paisley shirt, with a matching tie, to prove it. n

The Doctor Is In

Dr Max Pemberton

Q: My GP recently sent me for a blood test to check my testosterone level. It came back at 251 which they said was OK. I think this is at the low end of the scale—am I wrong? Thank you for your advice. Kevin, 61

A: This question is very apposite as just the other day I met with a friend who had been feeling depressed, with low energy and no sex drive for a long time. He’d seen a psychiatrist and started antidepressants with no real improvement. Then his GP suggested a testosterone level check, which came back very low. My friend was started on testosterone replacement treatment (a gel that’s applied to the skin) and lo and behold, he’s like a new man. It was quite startling seeing him look so bright and cheery after a long time of him being so low. Unlike with women, where doctors routinely discuss the option of HRT as they age, the same tends not to happen to men. Yet we know that the effects of low testosterone can be quite devastating—

often dubbed the “andropause” because testosterone levels drop year on year after age 30. Exactly what’s “normal” here, is open to debate. Your level of 251ng/dl is certainly at the lower end, if not actually low. The key thing is what—if any—symptoms you have. If none, I wouldn’t worry. There’s no reason to treat something if there aren’t troubling symptoms. If, however, you’re having symptoms such as erectile difficulty, lack of energy, increased body fat or loss of strength, then you might want to consider a trial of testosterone. Keep in mind that the levels of testosterone considered “normal” are very broad and people with levels at the lower end can have symptoms while others don’t. If you’re having symptoms, consider speaking to your GP or seeing an endocrinologist (hormone specialist) for further assessment. n

Got a health question for our resident doctor? Email it confidentially to askdrmax@ readersdigest.co.uk

BY JAVIER MUÑOZ

Spring in the gym...

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What’s In A Name

You can start remembering the people you meet, says our memory expert, Jonathan Hancock

Remembering names can be a nightmare. You’re often introduced to several new people at once, in a noisy room, while you’re busy doing something else and trying hard to work out what to say. So, you worry about forgetting it—which pretty much guarantees that you will. But we’ve all met people who have the seemingly magical ability to remember names with ease.

In truth, the secrets are far from mysterious: just six simple steps There’s even an easy way to remember them—the word THRILL:

T=TRY to do it. Stop expecting your memory to let you down, and start taking some control.

H= HEAR the name. How can you remember it if you don’t? Don’t be afraid to ask for it again, and be interested in what you hear.

R = REPEAT conversation, and in your head as you’re chatting. Use it confidently when you say goodbye.

I = IMAGINE. Use pictures to jog your memory. If you meet Bob, create a quick mental image of him bobbing up and down, sitting on a bob-sleigh or wearing a bobble hat.

L = LINK. Link your chosen image to the person in front of you, in a simple but memorable way. How do you know Kerry has just eaten curry? What clues tell you that this Arnold is actually Mr Schwarzenegger in disguise?

L = LEARN. These mental images are temporary clues. Later, decide on the important names to remember longterm—and then learn them, as diligently as you would anything else that matters. n

USE THE FOLLOWING NAMES TO PRACTISE

Create an image for each one, based on what it looks like, sounds like or reminds you of, then visualise those images arranged around the room you’re in now.

EARL FINN SUE ALI LOU DOUG JIN ROBIN CAROL ADAM

When you’ve done that, cover the book and see how many of the ten you can name from memory. And then… be brave and try it for real. Use it as valuable daily brain-training, and enjoy the T.H.R.I.L.L. of developing a delightful new social skill—one that also helps other people remember you!

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WILDLIFE

As the blooms of spring finally emerge, so too does Britain's wildlife…

BY ANNA WALKER

For puffins

BALLYCASTLE, NORTHERN IRELAND

Did you know that baby puffins are called pufflings? Well, there’s a chance to see hundreds of the adorable critters lining the coast of Rathlin Island, Northern Ireland.

During April they return to land to raise their young after months of bobbing at sea, so it’s the perfect time of year to dust off your binoculars.

A visit to the island’s seabird centre—accessible via a 25-minute direct ferry ride from Ballycastle—

offers the chance to explore a working lighthouse as well as getting up close with these beautiful birds.

Other rare birds on the island include guillemot, kittiwake, razorbill and fulmar as well as Northern Ireland’s only pair of breeding chough, making it a must-visit for bird lovers.

Says Orlagh McAteer of Rathlin Ballycastle Ferry, “Rathlin is the only inhabited island in Northern Ireland. Just six miles long and one mile wide, it boasts stunning views of Ireland’s north coast, Scotland and beyond.”

rathlinballycastleferry.com

For wildcats HIGHLANDS, SCOTLAND

With only around 300 of them left in the wild, trying to spot a British wildcat is something of a needle in a haystack mission. For your best chance, head to Scotland, the only part of the UK the notoriously elusive felines now populate, where their preferred habitat involves upland woodland for stealthy night time hunting and hill ground, where they can relax during the day. These wild kitties look remarkably similar to their tabby cousins, but can be differentiated through their wide, flat heads, bushy blunt tails and distinctly striped coats.

The Highland Wildlife Park near Kingussie is home to a small number of wildcats, who can be spotted lounging on tree branches, enjoying the shade of the stone cairns or prowling down the aerial walkways.

highlandwildlifepark.org.uk

For beavers

GLOUCESTERSHIRE

Since they were hunted to extinction during the reign of Henry VII, wild beavers have never been spotted in the UK. Until 2005, that is, when an ambitious reintroduction programme at the private Lower Mill Estate in Gloucestershire sought to bring this cocker-spaniel-sized animal home.

With the run of a 550-acre estate, the critters are thriving, and new kits are born each May and June. Their schedules are full, building lodges, felling trees, building networks of mini canals and supporting up to 32

other endangered pond species in the process.

Says Dr Phoebe Carter, chief ecologist at Habitat First Group, “As ecosystem engineers, the beavers have had an amazing impact, enhancing the site for a range of nesting birds, including nightingale and Cetti’s warbler, dragonflies and amphibians—to name a few. Seeing them swimming across the lake at dusk on a summer’s evening is an experience hard to beat.”

To see these busy beavers for yourself, you can book a stay in several comfortable accommodations on the cosy Lower Mill Estate. habitatescapes.com

For ponies

DARTMOOR

Semi-wild ponies have thrived in Dartmoor since prehistoric times, and thanks to the extreme conditions of the moor, they’ve evolved into a particularly hardy breed. The ponies have adapted to eat almost any and everything. Although some irresponsible tourists have discovered their taste for a 99p Flake, they mainly graze on grass, heather and gorse, which they shake before eating to remove sharp prickles. The Dartmoor Pony Heritage Trust offers free guided walks for the uninitiated, where they introduce visitors to

the unique landscape of the moors, explain the ancient history of the site and offer a little more knowledge about this much-loved creature.

Says Clare Stanton of the DPHT, "The iconic symbol of Dartmoor, these ponies are tough but gentle. Visit our pony centre on open days or by special arrangement; or book a free guided walk to enjoy some of the best scenery, archaeology and moorland landscape in the whole of Dartmoor."

dpht.co.uk

For whales

PEMBROKESHIRE

Could there be a more majestic sight than the mighty fork of a whale’s tail crashing into the surf? And where better to spot one for yourself, than Wales, where a sail from St Davids in Pembrokeshire could have you cruising the waves surrounded by dolphins, basking sharks, minke and pilot whales and even orca. Operating for over 40 years, boat trips with Thousand Islands take visitors on tours of the Ramsey, Skomer and Grassholm islands— home to some of the strongest currents in Britain—where they can bear witness to all manner of marine life.

Says owner Cindy Pearce, “During Thousand Islands trips we see the spectacular Grassholm Island Gannet colony, puffins and Atlantic grey seals hauled out on the rocks. Pods of common dolphins—often with calves—playing around the boat and the beautiful Rissos dolphins. For the lucky ones a magnificent whale, orca or basking shark. No two trips are ever the same.” thousandislands.co.uk

For seals

NORFOLK

Part of the Blakeney National Nature Reserve, Blakeney Point is undoubtedly the best seal-watching spot in Britain. 2019 has been a record-breaking year for their grey seals, with 3,012 fluffy pups born over the winter. And seal-lovers will be pleased to hear that the Norfolk spot boasts an impressive infant survival rate, with the vast majority of the pups making it to adulthood. Boat cruises are the best way to see these majestic silver seals, taking visitors up close to them

without disturbing their habitat. Undoubtedly the most sought-after trips are with the National Trust, where visitors land on the point and enjoy a tour with a knowledgeable watcher, rather than observing from the water alone.

Remember to look to the waves as well as the shores during your tour, where you’ll see the sweet faces of seals surfacing between enjoying a dip in the water and hunting for food. nationaltrust.org.uk/blakeneynational-nature-reserve

For bats

CAMBRIDGE

The most picture-perfect way to spot bats is undoubtedly punting down the river Cam by moonlight in one of Scudamore’s Bat Safari tours. As the boat drifts into the gathering dusk, expert guides hold their torches and bat detectors aloft, searching for the familiar flapping of wings, buzzing and squeaks.

Each tour donates 50 per cent of sales to the Bedfordshire, Cambridgeshire and Northamptonshire Wildlife Trust, working to protect the habitats of these often misunderstood mammals.

Say the Scudmore team, “Grab this chance to see our fantastic local bat

population as they emerge from hibernation in May until their return to a snug hideout for winter. The chauffeured tours are led by knowledgeable Wildlife Trust bat experts and they'll make sure you get the most from your experience. You'll identify exactly which species of bat are flying close to your punt and find out about our amazing local species.” Tickets are on sale from mid-April. n scudamores.com/bat-safari-punting

Where do you go to enjoy Britain's wildlife? Email readersletters@ readersdigest.co.uk and let us know

Howard Jones is the singer, songwriter and musician behind such hits as “Things Can Only Get Better” and “What Is Love”. With an impressive 12 albums under his belt, he’s now celebrating the 35th anniversary of his debut and releasing his 13th, Transform

IF I RULED THE WORLD Howard Jones

Women would be much more respected in society. This is fundamental and we have a lot of work to do. We need equal pay, equal jobs and to plan for women to become future leaders. It would mark such a big shift in society when women have a proper voice.

Young people would be mentored by successful individuals in all areas of society. We need to really

value our young people and not take advantage of them in the workplace or any other areas of life.

I would give immediate priority to environmental deterioration and set up a global think tank to tactically implement measures to stop further environmental damage.

I’d put huge resources into education. Education would be

geared towards creating value in society and putting people’s wellbeing at the centre. I felt at school that education was trying to turn out people who would be lawyers and doctors, and it didn’t take into account how unique and individual everyone is. We should spot people’s talent, nurture it and not try and make everybody the same.

I’d make sure that education includes the study of nutrition. People need to know about sustainable food production and ethical sourcing and be informed about where their food comes from and what things are good for their body. I’ve been a vegetarian for 42 years and in the last year I decided that I would go vegan. It has always been a priority of mine to try and choose food that’s healthy and good for the environment.

I’d place more value on the arts. The arts can really lift people’s spirits and help with their mental health and general joyfulness in life—and I think that because you can’t quantify that on the balance sheet, they tend to get ignored.

No mother would lose their child to war. That would be a big priority. I’d channel resources away from military spending and towards experts in dialogue and conflict solving through peaceful means.

There would be a global task force that would be able to respond to natural disasters. This would be an international force of highly trained people who—at the drop of a hat— could go in and really bring some great expertise to helping with natural disasters around the world.

It would be really easy for people to afford electric cars. I’d also power their homes with solar energy and reward the companies and individuals who work to reduce their impact on the environment.

Anybody going into politics would have to prove that their motivation was to create a harmonious society. Wannabe politicians would need to show that they wanted to achieve that end through dialogue rather than through confrontation. Leaders would need to commit to the idea of serving the people that they represent, and not be interested in the pursuit of power for itself. I’d ensure that part of the job would be to encourage people not to hand over all of their responsibility to the political elite, but to become politically engaged, themselves, in their own community. n

As told to Joy Persaud

Howard Jones will be touring the UK in May. For tickets visit gigsandtours.com/ tour/howard-jones

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Despite many coats of preservative, the structure of the wooden fence in our front garden rotted pretty rapidly, and a recent autumn storm sent it off down the road, thankfully missing the neighbour’s car. However, every cloud has a silver lining, and we

now couldn’t be more pleased with the ColourFence replacement which was erected a few days ago. As well as looking good, we are looking forward to years of summers without the burden of cleaning and treating this fence.

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Could a new way of looking at death be the secret to making peace with mortality?

Dancing With Death

BY FIONA THOMAS

ANTONIA BECK is an independent creative producer and award-winning theatre-maker who has worked with a wide range of nationally and internationally renowned artists, producers and venues across the West Midlands. In 2011 she was studying when she met another theatre-maker called Lucy Nicholls. They instantly became friends. After knowing each other for a relatively short period of time it became clear that one topic of conversation repeatedly bobbed to the surface whenever they were in the same room. That topic was death

The two young women share a deeprooted fear known as “death anxiety”. For Antonia, it started at a young age. As a child she tried to understand the overwhelming concept of life and death, she worried about losing her family members, tried to imagine what a funeral might look like and wanted to know exactly what would happen in those final moments. How does a body—a person—just cease to exist? Like most people in the western world, Antonia lived in a family where death was not spoken about openly and so for many years, her questions went unanswered.

In the same year that Antonia and Lucy first met, Caitlin Doughty uploaded episode one in her video series, “Ask a Mortician”. Doughty had been in the funeral industry for four years and was a registered mortician working in California. Her

aim was clear. She wanted to bring mortality back into modern culture. Since then she has uploaded almost 200 short videos on topics such as cremation, coffins, body farms, dressing a corpse and dying alone.

She did a TEDx Talk in 2016 called “The Corpses That Changed My Life” which has been viewed over 900,000 times. Her book The Smoke Gets in Your Eyes is an entertaining memoir which is purposefully written to make the reader confront their own mortality.

Although “death acceptance” and “death awareness” are phrases that have been used by scholars since the Seventies, the term “death positive” is widely considered to have been popularised by Doughty, whose book debuted at #14 in the New York Times list in 2014.

Death positivity is a social movement that encourages people

Left and right; Antonia Beck and Lucy Nicholls star in The Death Show. (Below); mortician Caitlin Doughty, author of The Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

DANCING WITH DEATH

to talk openly about death, dying and corpses. Many people call the movement gruesome or morbid. This common reaction goes some way to explaining exactly why these conversations need to be had more regularly. Death positivity is not a bunch of goths wearing black and decorating their homes with skulls. It’s not even about playing down the sadness of death. With grief comes a broad spectrum of emotions, many of which are difficult to deal with alongside the logistics of arranging a funeral and putting someone else’s affairs in order. Shouldn’t we be trying to make that process as easy as possible?

As creatives, Antonia and Lucy decided that exploring their fascination through the arts was a no-brainer, and were soon awarded funding towards a research and development phase where they spent six months investigating death. As part of the project, hundreds of conversations took place in funeral homes, crematoriums, at celebrant training courses and at hospice bedsides. They turned up to a regular meet-up known as the Death Cafe, where people are invited to drink tea, eat cake and ask questions. Antonia found the process emotionally draining, but after the dust had settled she says the improvement

in her relationship with death was undeniable and has informed their latest stage production, The Death Show.

“The show we have now is about our journey through death anxiety and what we’ve learned and what we know now. We feel so privileged to have seen what we have seen. We had a backstage tour of a crematorium! Our death anxiety hasn’t gone but we are so much better informed and I think that shows that if we as a society spoke about it more, maybe we would all be able to cope better.”

Society isn’t necessarily ready to talk about death, and Antonia acknowledges this as she recalls that most of the end of life patients they approached during their research declined to take part in conversations about mortality.

and aims to make death a normal part of life. It began with a festival which took place in a number of National Trust buildings that were open to visitors. Louise and Anna took this opportunity to discreetly pose questions that many of the visitors hadn’t planned on discussing that day, or perhaps ever. There were paintings to mull over and workshops to take part in. There were cardboard coffins fashioned into ball pits for kids to play in. The feedback they received was incredibly positive.

“There were cardboard coffins fashioned into ball pits for children to play in”

Dying Matters Awareness Week takes place during the month of May and is growing year on year, but some members of the death and dying industry are finding new ways to thoughtfully drip feed the topic into people’s lives.

Louise Winter and Anna Lyons created LifeDeathWhatever, an initiative which promotes death acceptance (as opposed to positivity)

This seemingly lighthearted approach through cultural events continues to be an effective way to make death a more accessible topic, especially when combined with the element of surprise.

Louise says, “People were having quite profound experiences because originally they had arrived to look at the house, then ended up engaging with death itself… People of all ages enjoyed it including those that wouldn’t normally have gone to something like that. There were some people who were very reluctant and sceptical and by the end of it they said that they were really glad they stayed. They felt like they had learned something.”

“This week we had a funeral and we actually got to meet the man before he died”

For Louise, who is a progressive funeral director based in London, offering learning opportunities is a key step in helping people cope with the stress of losing a loved one. Most people think that choosing a pre-made funeral package is the only option, but she is keen to advise people that each experience can be personalised. Her services don’t often use traditional coffins, but instead offer interactive versions where people can write messages on tags. Another option is to incorporate a flower laying ceremony. When

people engage with death and are realistic about mortality, the grieving process and funerals themselves can take on a whole new meaning.

“This week we had a funeral and we actually got to meet the man before he died,” says Louise. “He asked lots of questions about what would happen, how we would take care of him, where he would be and he really wanted us to take care of him. It felt really amazing to be involved in every step of the process and I really hope that his family took comfort in that.”

On a more practical level, having the forethought to discuss funeral plans can actually save you money. According to a study from Sunlife, the cost of the average funeral now stands at just under £5,000. The growing realisation seems to be that some companies are capitalising on vulnerable people and overcharging for unnecessary items. For example, did you know that there is no legal requirement to use a hearse to transport the deceased? There is also no requirement for an actual coffin for burial—the body can be placed in a simple cloth instead. Other expensive add-ons include embalming, orders of service and floral arrangements.

As Caitlin Doughty says in her TEDxTalk, “the death care industry is a multi-billion dollar industry and they aren’t interested in families

regaining control over death”. There’s no tried and tested way to start a conversation about death, but the online world can provide opportunities to connect with people who are well-versed in the topic. Visit deathcafe.com to find a local meet-up where you can find out more from open-minded people. I spoke to Laura Creaven from Birmingham who has been to a few Death Cafes and says that it’s made her relationship with death feel more normal.

“My family aren’t the most talkative about emotions but we are more practical about talking about funerals. I know exactly what my mum and her husband want when they die.”

You may not find all the answers you’re looking for about death itself but if you’re looking for peace of mind, then the death positivity movement is waiting for you with open arms. n

KIDULTHOOD

Reddit users share the aspect of adulthood nobody prepared them for…

“Interviewing for jobs that you don’t really want. ‘Why should we hire you?’ Because you need someone to put items on the shelf and I have arms and will do this for you in exchange for cash.”

“Planning out a week’s worth of meals before going to the supermarket, and then not wanting to eat the meal I planned but doing it anyway.”

“The fact that my progress in life is completely and wholly my responsibility. No one really pushes you to do the right thing—it’s ridiculously daunting.”

“Having my back hurt all the time. I sound like a glow stick.”

“How quickly it happened.”

ETHICAL INVESTING

Guy Myles is CEO of pension and investment firm Flying Colours. If you have a question for Guy email pensionsguy@ flyingcolourswealth.com he’s happy to answer your questions.

GOT A QUESTION FOR GUY?

EMAIL:

pensionsguy@flyingcolourswealth.com

FOR MORE ADVICE, CONTACT FLYING COLOURS ON: 0333 241 9919

There are many reasons to choose ethical investments, but what are the advantages – and is improving your returns one of them? Guy Myles provides his expert insight.

Claire asks:

Dear Guy, I am considering ethical investing. I want my money to make a difference, but I still need to save effectively for my retirement. Have you got any suggestions for me?

Guy says:

Attitudes across society have changed considerably since I started working 20 years ago and this has started to influence what people do in the investment markets. For some people the problem with mainstream investment is that it will automatically include businesses that they object to.

As society changes I have noticed more interest in ethical investing, but the total amounts invested in the UK are still small. Recently it has been estimated that there is £17bn in ethical funds in the UK, which sounds like a lot of money until you realise it is only 0.2 per cent of the total investment market.

There are many reasons to choose ethical investments, but what are the advantages – and is improving your returns one of them?

One major criticism of ethical investing has always been that the performance is poor and the risk is increased for investors.

I worry greatly about risk management and I love to diversify investments. No one knows what the future holds and spreading your money is one of the only things that you can do that is guaranteed to reduce your risk. I still feel this way about ethical investing and I do not like the concentration.

The trend to ethical is likely to increase as younger investors get older. People have higher incomes later in working life and have had many years of investment growth.

I would estimate that the average investor age in the UK is probably 65-70 years old, so if the younger investors have very different interests we can expect that to turn into real shifts as these investors get to the age when they have large amounts of savings and investments.

Impact over performance

I would say that it is not obvious whether ethical investments will perform better or worse than the broader market. And are typically more expensive.

My belief is that ethical investments should be selected because they are ethical. You should be looking for a positive impact and not prioritise fund performance or risk management.

For many people this will be a good trade-off and there is also a chance that changing consumer attitudes will make this type of investment perform well.

What I would not support is anyone positioning ethical investments as something that will perform better and be lower risk. This is just untrue. If you limit what you can invest in, it could work out, but you will always be increasing your risk.

As advisers we do not recommend that people take an ethical approach to their investments as a matter of course for these reasons. We are happy to help people who want to prioritise this and there are ways to keep the odds in your favour.

If you you really want to help people consider old fashioned alternatives. Why not donate money to a favourite charity? You will not get a return but you are certain to make a large impact and there is always the tax advantage to consider too! n

VAN GOGH

IN LONDON

by Anna Walker

Vincent van Gogh pulls his top hat over his tufty red hair and strides out into the cold night air, towards the river. He loves the views there, with the lights of the stars and the city twinkling on the water’s surface, and he sketches them often. One day he will create a masterpiece influenced by this view. But he’s not stood on the French banks of the Rhône. He’s walking alongside London’s embankment and admiring the view of the Thames.

Vincent was just 20 years old when he came to England in 1873. He stayed here for three years, working for an art dealer in Covent Garden and boarding in Brixton, Lambeth and Isleworth.

As he wrote to his beloved brother Theo, in 1874, “Things are going well for me here. I have a wonderful home and it’s a great pleasure to observe London and the English way of life and the English themselves, and I also have nature and art and poetry, and if that isn’t enough, what is?”

In awe of industrialisation, the lack of censorship, the full force of capitalism and the vibrant arts scene, Vincent loved to stroll in the city’s parks, visit its galleries, row on the Thames and read Charles Dickens and

NEWSPAPERS COMPARED THE QUEUES TO SEE VAN GOGH'S WORK IN 1947 TO THE QUEUES OUTSIDE FOOD SHOPS DURING RATIONING

George Eliot, whose work inspired in him the idea of creating “art for the people”. He even fell in love here, with the daughter of his landlord, though he was to leave broken hearted.

THE YOUNG VINCENT COULD

HARDLY have imagined that one day the entire city would know his name. In fact, in 1947, 57 years after his death, a Tate exhibition of his work was dubbed, “the miracle on the Millbank” by the press, with over 150,000 visitors flocking to the gallery, including the Queen. Newspapers compared the queues to those outside food shops during rationing, saying

the people were “colour-starved” after years of war-time austerity. So enthused were the waiting crowds, that a letter from the Tate to the Arts Council requested reimbursement for the three years’ worth of damage to its floors that was done in just five weeks.

By the exhibition’s close, Britain was a nation bewitched by van Gogh’s story—the misunderstood genius, who became one of the greatest artists of all time, despite painting for only ten years. A Guardian review described Vincent as a “disturbing meteor blazing in an almost empty sky” and “the kind of genius that cannot go out of fashion.”

This month, the first exhibition of the artist’s work since that blockbuster show 70 years ago will open at the Tate, examining Vincent’s relationship with Britain and exploring the art, literature and culture that shaped his career. The show will feature some of the artist’s most renowned work alongside paintings by British artists inspired by van Gogh’s legacy—many of whom were among the crowds for the 1947 show.

In anticipation, I made the pilgrimage to the artist’s homeland to visit the Van Gogh Museum and witness the mark he made on the town of Nuenen, where he created

the infamous The Potato Eaters. Surprisingly, it was this painting, not the bright yellows of The Sunflowers, that proved the most popular in 1947. Perhaps war-torn Britain could relate more to a family sharing a meagre meal than they could to the subjects of the painter’s more vibrant works.

THE AMSTERDAM VINCENT KNEW looked much the same as it does today, though the canals are perhaps less animated now than they once were. In Vincent’s day a popular tradition of “eel-grabbing” was still rife. A rope would be strung between two houses and a live eel tied to the middle. Men in small boats would glide beneath and attempt to pull the eel down—winning a substantial sum if they succeeded.

Cruising along the canal ways today, visitors to Amsterdam can spot murals to van Gogh everywhere. Hidden under bridges, sprawled across the walls of welcoming pancake houses, on the shutters of shut-down coffeeshops. The “beautiful city” the artist often frequented has adopted him as something of a patron saint. As I explore the city by boat, the snow falls in flakes as thick and heavy as Vincent’s brushwork, transforming the capital into the winter wonderland of the Hendrick Avercamp paintings hanging in the nearby Rijksmuseum.

The recently renovated Van Gogh

Museum however, is toasty and thoroughly modern, a testament to an artist who was so ahead of his time. As well as enjoying the 200 paintings and 500 drawings in the collection, in anticipation of the Tate exhibition, I’m among a group of journalists escorted into the vaults, rarely opened to the public, to see the works being prepared for London. Among them are Vincent’s collection of prints, including many by British artists. During his stay in England, the young artist spent hours admiring the window displays of magazines such as The Graphic and London News. There’s magic in looking at these prints up close, imagining Vincent admiring and collecting them, and

WHEN VINCENT'S WORK WAS SHOWN IN 1910, ONE CRITIC CLAIMED 'THE EXHIBITION IS EITHER A BAD JOKE OR A SWINDLE'

noticing the tiny pin holes in their corners, where they were hung on the walls of his bedroom and studio.

The English publications who so inspired van Gogh, derided his work when it came to Britain. Shocked by the vivid pieces displayed in Roger Fry’s infamous 1910 “Manet and the Post-Impressionists” show, Robert Ross of the Morning Post dubbed Vincent a “lunatic” and declared that “the emotions of these painters…are of no interest except to…the specialist in abnormality.” Another critic claimed, “the exhibition is either an extremely bad joke or a swindle.”

Sir Claude Phillips of The Telegraph threw down his exhibition catalogue and stamped on it.

SEVENTY MILES SOUTH OF

AMSTERDAM is the pretty town of Nuenen, where van Gogh lived and worked between 1883 and 1885.

The January snow transforms the neighbourhood, with the white ground, white sky and white buildings giving it the appearance of an untouched canvas.

The people of Nuenen are clearly proud of the years Vincent spent here, and much of the town remains

unchanged. The parsonage where he lived with his parents still stands, a short walk away from his father’s church. He immortalised the scene in “Congregation Leaving the Reformed Church in Nuenen”, which he created for his mother when a broken leg left her unable to attend mass. He revisited the piece when his father died in 1885, adding mourning clothes to the congregation. As we sit in the church—now hired out for

weddings—we learn of the painting’s unique history. How it was stolen from the Van Gogh Museum in 2002, and not recovered until 2016 near Pompeii, Italy, concealed in the walls of drug lord Raffaele Imperiale’s home. The village celebrated for days when the news of the painting’s safe recovery was announced.

Nuenen’s own “Vincentre” museum and charming statues of Vincent and the figures of The Potato Eaters make for a special accompaniment to a visit to the Netherlands. More art lovers should visit this little town on their way to the big hitters of the Van Gogh and Rijks museums.

As I head back to London, I imagine Vincent’s journey to Britain. How nervous and excited he must have been at just 20-years-old, to arrive in a city so full of promise and industry.

“A few days ago, we received a picture by de Nittis, a view of London on a rainy day, Westminster Bridge and the Houses of Parliament,” he wrote to Theo from Paris in 1875. “I used to pass over Westminster Bridge every morning and evening and know how it looks when the sun sets behind Westminster Abbey, and how it looks early in the morning, and in winter, in snow and fog. When I saw the picture, I felt how much I loved London.” n

"Van Gogh and Britain" will be at the Tate Britain in London from March 27 until August 11, 2019

Travel Tips

STAY

For all out luxury:

Hotel TwentySeven, (+31 20 218 2180, hoteltwentyseven.com)

For a great location: Hotel Pulitzer, (+31 20 523 5235, pulitzeramsterdam.com)

EAT

For impeccable modern dining: Jansz, (+31 20 523 5282, janszamsterdam.com)

DO

For our guide to the best hotels, restaurants and attractions in Amsterdam visit readersdigest.co.uk/ lifestyle/travel/Amsterdam-guide

In places like these, time seems to forever stand still

Lost PLACES

BY CORNELIA KUMFERT

Once the richest town in Africa, today Kolmanskop is sinking into the Namibian desert. The discovery of diamonds here around 100 years ago caused this remote place to undergo a boom, and in no time at all, an entire town emerged out of the sand. To visitors it must have had an almost decadent air. Not only was there a hospital, a power plant and a theatre, but also an ice factory and a swimming pool—all in the middle of the desert!

PHOTOS: (TOP) © GETTY IMAGES/DUNCAN STRUTHERS; (RIGHT) © GETTY IMAGES/ANDRONIUS

 Built by the Japanese on a small island between Japan and Russia, the Aniva lighthouse and its island went to the Russians after the Second World War. The seven-storey building has lain abandoned for years. Where once noisy diesel generators kept the machinery running, today there’s only the sound of waves pounding the rocks.

 Weighing in at more than 1000 tonnes, the SS Ayrfield was due to be scrapped in Homebush Bay in Sydney in 1972, but that never happened. Shortly after the ship arrived, the breakers yard in the bay closed down. The Ayrfield has lain there at anchor ever since and is gradually being reclaimed by nature. The rusty remains of the hull are now home to a small mangrove forest.

 The futuristic Buzladzha monument is sinking into the ice and snow. Once the opulent assembly hall of the Bulgarian Communist Party, it wasn’t in use for long. Just eight years after its inauguration came the fall of the Eastern Bloc and with it the Communist regime.

 Houtouwan on Shengshan Island was once home to around 2,000 fishermen and their families. Today most of the people you meet in this Chinese village are tourists. The majority of the inhabitants left for the mainland in the early 1990s. Reasons for the near total abandonment include problems with food delivery.

 Cemitério das Âncoras (the Anchor Graveyard) on the beach at Barril in Portugal is a memorial to the tradition of bluefin tuna fishing off the Algarve. The anchors were used to fix giant nets down on the seabed. Nowadays the fish are very scarce and the 248 anchors are just a reminder of days gone by.

 The world’s largest aircraft graveyard, Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, can be found in the US Arizona Desert, where the low levels of rainfall and humidity help preserve the planes for scavenging parts, sale to other countries or even recommissioning in times of crisis. Not only aviation enthusiasts are able to come by for a look at the old B-52 bombers and other aircraft stored here, even the Russians are said to have the occasional look via satellite to keep count of the number of aircraft on display.

 Lying in the centre of Berlin but virtually forgotten. Welcome to Spreepark! In the former East Germany, thousands of visitors enjoyed wandering around the fairground rides and stalls here. In those days it was known as Culture Park, and was the only amusement park in East Germany. Nearly 30 years after the fall of the Berlin Wall, the big wheel and carousels have long stood still.

 This resort has never seen a paying guest! The Igloo Hotel in Alaska, US was primarily meant to attract visitors from the nearby Denali National Park. However, the builder didn’t abide by official building regulations and also chose a location that was too remote, so the hotel was never completed. The half-finished building however, continues to defy wind and weather a half a century later. n

PHOTOS: (CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT)

© GETTY IMAGES/NEARMAP;

© TRAVELSTOCK44/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO;

© MORTEN LARSEN/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

My Great Escape:

Idyllic Fuerteventura

Our reader Manisa Kuinkel from Middlesex finds her personal bliss on the idyllic Canary island of Fuerteventura

My husband and I looked over at the beaches and were overwhelmed. We had finally arrived in Fuerteventura and were staying in quiet coastal town El Cotillo, a former fishing village in the northern part of the island.

After 18 months of working hard, staycations and hoping to visit the Canary Islands someday, it was worth the wait to finally get a chance to relax in these beautiful surroundings.

The weather always hovered around 22 to 25 degrees and although it was regularly windy, we simply adapted by wearing shawls or extra layers and we still managed to get wonderful tans. The nearby beaches and lagoons were beautiful, with rich white sand, dunes, wind breakers and crystal clear waters which weren’t far from our hotel. As the waves rolled back and forth, we just lazed around.

People often walked by with their

dogs, and families played nearby but there were no crowds and these stunning locations were impressively clean too.

One evening we discovered a whole host of restaurants and bars as well as a market open and bustling even at around 7pm. We saw the Castillo de El Cotillo, a defence tower and now historic monument which is the main tourist attraction. It felt very safe to wander around, so much so that I went for an evening walk alone along the nearest beach one night.

One day we embarked upon a breathtaking car tour of Fuerteventura with a charming, knowledgeable guide and enjoyed views of mountains. We even drove up one— it was incredibly windy! Our tour also showed us beautiful coastlines, expansive ocean scenes and innumerable local places of interest. We took the time to stop off and visit

a beautiful church, shops, a café and the famous, huge Morro Velosa Statues which were an astounding sight to see. My only regret is that we never ventured to the neighbouring town of Corralejo—I’d heard it was very lively.

After seven days we left this wonderful island and I’d be lying if I claimed my heart didn’t ache. I had loved just switching off and relaxing on the island for what felt like a blissful eternity. I had been far away from home, but was in a homely, quiet village with plenty of time to relax and lots of exciting, beautiful things to see and do. I want to go back one day and venture out some more… and perhaps we will stay in Corralejo next time.

Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it we’ll pay £50. Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

CYCLING CIRCLE

FOR OLYMPIC FANS: CORNWALL

Running from April 26-28, the new Cornwall Cycling Classic weekend blends riding, yoga and relaxation. Most exciting is a chance to pedal alongside Olympic gold-medallist Amy Williams (watergatebay.co.uk).

FOR CROWD-AVOIDERS: LITHUANIA

The wispy Curonian Spit peninsula, known for its “Dead Dunes” and rich birdlife, headlines a new bike-based group tour of Lithuania departing throughout summer. Pine forests, buzzy capital Vilnius and a 14thcentury island castle also feature (utracks.com).

FOR CHEATS: SOUTHERN ITALY

E-bikes make hills far easier to tackle. They’re available on Inntravel’s weeklong group trip around Puglia and Basilicata, during which you’ll dismount at vineyards, castles and Matera, a city known for ancient cave dwellings (inntravel.co.uk).

FOR BUCKETLISTERS: JORDAN

A saddle-based jaunt around Jordan means pedalling along sparsely populated desert roads and stopping at Petra, a city carved into pink rocks, sleeping under the stars in the Wadi Rum and floating in the Dead Sea (exodus.co.uk).

FOR REVOLUTIONARIES AND ROMANTICS: CUBA

Always wanted to go to Cuba? Explore’s tour uses bicycles to pack in the highlights, from colonial towns and tropical beaches to pulsating Havana, homestays, live music and Che Guevara’s mausoleum (explore.co.uk). n

by Richard Mellor

Travel app of the month

ROME2RIO , FREE, ANDROID & IOS

Rome2Rio’s updated app looks nattier, can manage your ticket purchases offline and now covers even more routes from A to B involving planes, trains, ferries, buses and so forth.

How To Survive The End Of Cash

Cards and digital technologies are slowly killing off cash, but is it a cause for concern? Not necessarily, as Andy Webb explains. Here are some ways of making the most of digital finance

Cash is no longer king. Over recent years fewer and fewer transactions have been made with cash. The most recent figures show coins and notes are used just 34% of the time, down from 63% a decade ago. And usage is predicted to fall to just 10% in 15 years.

Instead we’re paying with cards and digital technologies. Some of this is down to user choice, with contactless cards and smartphones making spending faster and more convenient.

But it’s also being forced upon us. Some retailers are refusing physical money as they can avoid the high

Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash

bank charges levied at them for handling cash. Meanwhile it’s harder to get your hands on notes as cash machines and banks disappear from the high street. And these are trends which are likely to increase in the coming years.

This could be bad news if you still primarily use cash, whether that’s how you pay your bills or how you budget. For some, cash is just what you know. For others, cash is a necessity—especially when going digital is the alternative.

As a result this move towards cashless society makes many useasy. But should it? Here’s what you’ll need to do to make sure you don’t get left behind.

Go contactless

The main way people pay now is with a debit or credit card, and as a result you’re likely to find more

businesses—from cafes to car parks—going card only and rejecting cash as payment.

A huge part of why this is possible is contactless technology. “Contactless” simply means your card has a chip installed that allows you to tap your card on a reader to pay for anything under £30.

Some find this a bit scary, and worry about an increased chance people could steal their money. But fraud levels via contactless are very low. There’s actually greater protection against theft as you can often claim stolen money back. You

don’t get that if you mislay a tenner. You shouldn’t worry about getting double charged either. Even if you accidentally tap multiple cards at once, the money will only be taken from one.

Contactless can make life easier too. Not only is paying at the till faster, there’s no need to remember a PIN or find your glasses to read the numbers on the pad—though larger transactions will still require you to enter your four digit code. There’s no minimum transaction amount.

The majority of banks now automatically issue contactless

enabled cards, so it’s likely you’ve already got the ability to use this. You can even choose to go cardless with this technology. Most smartphone handsets include a chip which you can connect to a digital wallet. These have added security such as fingerprint sensors to approve payments—the kind of technology we’re likely to see more of in the future.

Track down where to get cash

Even if you embrace paying with cards, it’s likely you’ll still need to use cash at times. Maybe it’s to pay the window cleaner or to spend at a local club. Hopefully you’ll still have a bank branch or cash machine near

you, but with these disappearing fast from our high streets, it’s worth knowing the alternative sources of cash.

You can take out money from most bank accounts at the post office. The daily limit is the same as you’d have at an ATM, but that should be enough for most people. You can also still ask for cashback at supermarket tills. With both you’ll need your debit card and PIN.

Move your finances online

It’s well worth giving online banking and shopping a try. It might take some getting used to, but you’ll ultimately have greater control of your money. You can often get

discounts on bills and there are tools to help you shop around and pay less.

If you don’t have access to the internet, or you’re really not confident with digital services, then you could look to move your bank to one which specialises in phone banking—though be prepared for long waits.

Even without online banking you can help mitigate a loss of access to cash when it comes to bills by automating payments.

For anything regular it’s worth setting up direct debits and standing orders. These move the money from your bank account electronically on set dates. You should be able to set these up over the phone or via the post with most providers.

If you rely on family, friends or carers to help you with things like shopping, then you can even set up a standing order via your bank to send them money on a regular basis. That prevents you from having to hand over access to your accounts or tell them your card’s PIN— though if that’s something you think you might need to do then talk to your bank to see what options are available.

Watch out for scams

If you’re moving more of your finances online and away from cash, then just be aware that there will be new ways of scammers trying to get your money. Be extra careful of any emails you receive—they might not actually be from your bank—and don’t share your details with anyone. When using cards, always make sure you check how much you’re being charged and ask for a receipt too. Likewise, keep an eye on any online payments, whether one-off purchases or those regular payments.

If you spot anything that seems wrong, get in touch with your bank straight away.

Change how you budget

As a budgeting tool, cash can be important for keeping control of your money. The less you use the cash the harder it is to keep track. And that makes budgeting even more important.

In some ways, it’ll be easier to tally everything up as unlike cash, you can also see every transaction on your bank statement when you’ve paid with your card. This works best if you activate online banking as you don’t have to wait for a monthly statement. n

Middle Eastern Lamb Salad

I associate roast lamb with long Sunday lunches: lashings of mint sauce and mounds of roast potatoes. But with Easter falling late this year, a light salad feels more appropriate. Lamb is at its best during spring, so make the most out of it with these bright flavours, and bring a taste of the Middle East to your Lenten feast

Serves 4

• 2tsp hot smoked paprika

• 1tsp ground coriander

• Olive oil

• 500g lamb neck fillet

• ½tsp turmeric

• 1 large head of cauliflower, cut into small florets

• 2 aubergines

• 3tbsp tahini

• 1 lemon, juiced

• 1 garlic clove, crushed

• Optional: 200g falafel

To garnish

• 80g fresh pomegranate seeds

• 15g mint leaves, sliced

• 15g coriander leaves, ground

Rachel Walker is a food writer for numerous national publications. Visit rachel-walker.co.uk for more information

1. Preheat the oven to 200°C

2. Mix together the hot smoked paprika and the ground coriander. Coat the lamb fillet in of olive oil and rub in roughly half the spice blend.

3. Add the turmeric into the remaining spice blend, and toss the cauliflower florets in the mix, along with 1tbsp of olive oil and a pinch of salt. Tip into one half of a roasting tin. Toss aubergine fingers in 2tbsp of olive oil, sprinkle with salt and tip into the other end of the roasting tin. Roast for 30 minutes, until the cauliflower is starting to char and the aubergine is softened.

4. Meanwhile, heat an ovenproof frying pan and sear the neck fillet for 2 minutes on each side until coloured all over. Pop it in the oven for 12 minutes, and then leave to rest for 10 minutes, before slicing.

5. Meanwhile, heat the falafel according to pack instructions and prepare the fresh herbs. Mix the tahini with the lemon juice and garlic. It will become thick and claggy—so thin it out by stirring in chilled water until it has the consistency of pouring cream.

6. Build the salad by roughly stacking the cauliflower, aubergine, falafel and lamb. Garnish with the fresh herbs and pomegranate seeds, and generously drizzle the dressing over the salad and round the edge.

BY TIM & ZOË HILL

Drinks Tip…

British lamb roasts are often accompanied by a big red, but pick something lighter for this lamb salad, like a Pinot Noir. Ostoros 2016 (£6.75, The Wine Society) has fruity cherry and redcurrant notes which work really well with the Middle Eastern flavours

1. Preheat the oven to 150°C.

2. Use the tip of a knife to carefully cut open the cardamom pods and flick out the black seeds. Grind them with the sugar in a pestle and mortar, into a fine, fragrant powder. Then,

mix the cardamomscented sugar with the double cream, milk egg and the egg yolk.

3. Cut the hot cross buns in half, spread both sides generously with lemon curd and then sandwich

Lemon and Cardamom Bun Bake

Hot cross buns are a 12th-century treat which have stood the test of time. Like many medieval recipes they are packed with dried fruit—and spices are a natural pairing. Spike the custard with cardamom to harness Middle Eastern flavours and enjoy this decadent twist on bread and butter pudding.

Serves 6

• 3tbsp sugar

• 3 cardamom pods

• 150ml double cream

• 150ml milk

• 1 egg and 1 egg yolk

• 6 hot cross buns

• 120g lemon curd

them back together. Fit the buns snugly in a buttered baking dish and then pour over the egg-milk custard. Bake for 35 minutes until the custard is set and serve with a scoop of ice cream or double cream. n

Easter Decorating

Embrace springtime celebrations by injecting some pretty pastels and eggcellent styling ideas into your home

FHomes and gardens writer and stylist Cassie Pryce specialises in interior trends and discovering new season shopping

rom freshly-cut daffodils to crafting hand-painted eggs with the kids, Easter is the perfect time to ring in the new season and make the first Bank Holiday of the year a special time to spend with family.

Inspired by the blooming outdoors, Easter centres around pastel colours and this is a great place to start your scheme. Introduce powder pink, soft lilac, mint green and pops of yellow for a cheerful spring palette, whether that’s on your table top for Easter Sunday or vases of fresh flowers dotted around the house. There’s no need to splash out

on fancy crockery for the occasion— simply dress your day-to-day tableware with pastel-coloured napkins, or tie ribbon around your glassware for an Easter-inspired update. Place-settings will make the meal feel like a special occasion and give you the chance to get creative with nametags; try adorning each tag with a sprig of rosemary or why not write each name on a mouth-blown eggshell? Giving the eggs a colourful wash using watered-down paint will add another pop of colour to your table top.

To extend the celebration around the house, hang colourful bunting along the bannisters or an Easter wreath on your front door to welcome guests. Simple foliage and polystyrene painted eggs can be fixed to a pre-made wreath using twine and a hot glue gun, or invest in a shop-bought alternative.

Easter Emblems

Spring garden painted egg decorations, £4.50 each; resin egg decorations, £6 each; pastel tin bunny ornaments, £6 each; green taper candle, £4 for four; ceramic egg cup with ears, £5.25; wool mix sitting duck decorations, £7.50 each, all Gisela Graham

Taking Your

Interior Exterior

Let your walls down this spring as Jessica Summers discovers the delight of combining your indoor and outdoor spaces

As Brits, we long for the days where a flicker of sunshine permits us to spend mornings and evenings with our doors flung open, sitting half inside, half outside, enjoying a cool breeze and a faint smell of sweet flowers with freshly mown grass.

Well, as spring does what it does best and we climb out of hibernation, it’s time to start thinking about how to utilise your outdoor space and make it as handsome and inviting as your interior.

If you have an unused or cluttered shed, a good tidy and scrub will make it look new and allow room for redecoration. Add some comfy rustic armchairs, a coffee table and some soft-patterned wallpaper to bring it to life and create your very own book-nook and calming retreat.

For the moments when you want to entertain outside, a pergola is the perfect way to blur the lines between indoor and out. Providing shelter and shade while letting the fresh air in, it’s a seamless solution for warm yet somewhat unpredictable UK weather. Fill with an outdoor dining table, decorative candles and lanterns, and encourage climbing plants to wrap around the walls of your structure.

If you’d like the option to more freely decide when to let the outdoors in, opt to install some bifold glass doors which extend the length of your house. Once folded back, the boundary between your home and garden will dissolve, transforming your living space and surrounding you with alfresco glee. n

THE POTENTIAL OF YOUR HOME

Over 55s across the UK are making the most of their property wealth now

Expensive extensions, costly conservatories, and lavish lawns needn’t be out of reach. More and more homeowners are finally making use of their on-paper wealth to make those long-desired home improvements. If you too have been putting off transforming your house into your ideal home, then you could stand to benefit from a Lifetime Mortgage.

Taking advantage of your home’s value today could be the perfect way to fund the luxury changes you always wanted. This is because, unlike other types of equity release, Lifetime Mortgages feature no required monthly repayments and you retain full homeownership for life. Better yet, the money you release is tax-free and can be spent any way you want!

Customers routinely use their equity to transform their properties into their perfect home – maximising their use and enjoyment. Taming the garden, adding extra space, and modernising the interior can all be within your budget – potentially adding value back into your property.

There are a wide variety of Lifetime Mortgages available that allow you to structure your release to best suit your situation. An equity release qualified adviser can recommend the most suitable plans for you with a personalised illustration. Allowing you to avoid unduly affecting your estate’s value or entitlement to meanstested state benefits.

If you’re looking to turn your grand designs into reality, why not see what secure access to your home’s value could do for you? To make sure you have all the facts, contact Reader’s Digest Equity Release for your free guide to Lifetime Mortgages. n

Right As Rain

Lisa Lennkh is a banker turned fashion writer, stylist and blogger. Her blog, The Sequinist, focuses on sparkle and statement style for midlife women

If April showers bring May flowers, then it's time to address rain coats. The humble rain coat may be one of fashion's most utilitarian items, but that doesn't mean it has to be boring. I have a traditional khaki trench coat and I hardly ever wear it. The paper-bagcolour is draining on my pale skin and the shape isn't flattering either. I feel like it ages me ten years from the second I put it on. Some women are good at styling a khaki coat in a chic way; I just can't pull it off with any real panache. So my trench coat, the colour of dreary disappointment, hangs in my closet. Like all my fashion mistakes, it will be donated to charity.

Style-wise, on a rainy day I want to be more rainbow, less cloud. Cue the statement coat. This red vinyl one I’m wearing is an inexpensive piece from ASOS. It won't come as a shock that I'm mad about shiny things, and

vinyl is no exception. Like any other coat, I look for a colour and a shape that work on me. Red, metallic blue, rain-slicker yellow, a vintage brown, or black all look particularly fabulous in vinyl; I chose the colour that slots into my wardrobe the easiest. The coat I'm wearing features traditional trench style details (double-breasted, shoulder storm-flap, belt, pockets, buckled wrist straps) but in a decidedly non-traditional colour and material. It gets extra points for being a perfect rich shade of red; nothing makes me feel better than a bolt of colour on a grey day.

We have the mod style of the 1960s (my favourite fashion era) to thank for glossy vinyl and patent clothes. Several designers have recently taken inspiration from that period and worked vinyl pieces into their collections. Luckily, the vinyl trend has filtered down into the more affordable high street brands too.

Somewhere in the middle of high fashion and high street is Danish brand Rains, which makes stylish yet highly functional rainwear. Every season they have several shiny and colourful options to choose from.

There are so many beautiful shiny rain coats around this season that you should easily be able to find one to suit your style and budget. Be sure you don't save it just for bad weather; a colourful glossy coat over jeans or a dress ensures that you'll always look right as rain.

Back To Black

Jenessa Williams reveals the products on her black list…

Is your beauty regime looking a little dull? Perhaps it’s time to take a walk on the dark side. Charcoal has been around since the dawn of time, but it is fast becoming a key ingredient for brightening teeth, hair and skin scars.

So how does it work? Essentially, activated charcoal binds to dirt and impurities and extracts them, creating a deep cleanse without being directly absorbed by your body. However, it is important to use it sparingly—once a week is more than enough for a purifying treat, mixed in small quantities with water to form a paste. If you prefer the ready-made masks and peel-off products, be sure to check the ingredients—cheaper charcoal masks often include small quantities of glue that undermine the ingredient's soothing properties. Charcoal can also play a useful part in your inner beauty too.

Consider a reusable water bottle with

a charcoal insert to extract tap water toxins, or pop a charcoal-infused smoothie into your trolley ahead of the big party—beauty gurus swear by the beverage to help alleviate the symptoms of a hangover. With everything from charcoal cookies to solid soap hitting the shelves, the future is looking black… n

Hero Products

1 GlamGlow Starpotion Liquid Charcoal Clarifying Face Oil, £32

2 Activated Charcoal Teeth Whitening Powder, £11.99

3 Black & Blum Charcoal Water Bottle, £15.95

COMPETITIONS

EACH MONTH WE’LL BRING YOU OUR BEST SELECTION OF COMPETITIONS AND READER OFFERS FROM OUR WEBSITE.

WIN A 1 NIGHT BREAK AT PULLMAN LONDON ST PANCRAS

Pullman London St Pancras is one of the city’s premiere upscale hotels, in the heart of London – the perfect base for exploring the Capital. The hotel provides guests with a superior culinary programme, taking dining to the next level. Guests can dine at the hotel’s bar and restaurant, which o ers a variety of mouth-watering dishes, a selection of fine wines, 300 varieties of whiskey, as well as signature cocktails.

WIN A COUNTRY HOUSE ESCAPE FOR TWO FROM RED LETTER DAYS

Located in the historic town of Cirencester in the heart of the Cotswolds, The Kings Head Hotel is a stylish boutique hotel that blends the period features of its colourful history with modern amenities to unforgettable e ect. Spend a peaceful night in one of its 45 individually decorated en suite rooms and, enjoy a delicious breakfast in the hotel’s stylish restaurant.

WIN A 2 NIGHT BREAK AT PULLMAN LIVERPOOL

Opened in 2016, Pullman

Liverpool connects guests to the city by putting them at its very heart, where business and leisure merge seamlessly. The hotel presides over the Kings Dock on Liverpool’s world famous waterfront, just a five minute walk from the buzzing Albert Dock, a UNESCO World Heritage Site where seasonal events, live performances and festivals take place year-round.

WIN A BUMPER COLLECTION OF SUMMER BULBS FROM TAYLORS BULBS

To celebrate their Centenary, Taylors Bulbs have 6 ‘Bumper Collections of summer flowering bulbs’ available. Each collection includes a fabulous mix of bulbs and is worth £40 each. As part of their celebrations, they will be holding a Da odil Day in conjunction with the RHS (Royal Horticultural Society) on 10th April 2019. Visit www.taylors-bulbs.com to find out more.

TO ENTER THESE FABULOUS COMPETITIONS GO TO THE FUN AND GAMES CHANNEL AT

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

ANSWER THE QUESTION AND ENTER YOUR DETAILS FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN

LORO

A grotesque portrait of former Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, that delights and disgusts in equal measure

Oscar-winning director Paolo Sorrentino (The Great Beauty, Youth) turns his attention to the infamous former Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, whose career has been marked by corruption, tax fraud and a string of outrageous sex scandals.

This colourful subject matter allows the director to return to some of his favourite themes previously explored in the critically lauded Great Beauty: the hollow-heartedness of the rich, the transience of youth, the political passivity that engulfs present-day Italy. Sorrentino also dusts off the signature film tropes he

loves to populate his films with: gorgeous naked bodies, oodles of drugs, wild parties, a fantastically synthy soundtrack (including a brilliant dance scene featuring Kylie Minogue’s “Slow”) and absurd symbolism. However, where The Great Beauty beguiled us with poeticism and poignancy, Loro loses us in its overly-complicated narrative and a relentless flux of hedonism.

Both films also star the magnetic Toni Servillo whose scheming charisma and sleazy charm as Berlusconi you can’t help but adore. Beware, the film is over three hours long, but with its mouthwatering cinematography and scrumptious entertainment trickling out of every cranny, you won’t find yourself glancing at your watch.

DRAMA: HAPPY AS LAZZARO

If you happen to be a fan of classic Italian Neorealism in the likes of Taviani brothers or Federico Fellini, you won’t want to miss this sublime little gem from director Alice Rohrwacher. Dressing gritty realism with sporadic sprinkles of movie magic, Happy as Lazzaro tells the story of a peculiar young man who goes on a journey through space and time in search of his long-lost friend. But to condense the film into one sparse line is to do it a great disservice; when all’s said and done, it’s a beautifully ephemeral, inventively

written and superbly acted piece of cinema that floats like a song or a poem, lulling you into a delicately atmospheric eco-climate that feels nostalgically timeless. Pure magic.

H H H H H

BIOGRAPHY: YULI On the heels of Ralph Fiennes’ Rudolf Nureyev biopic, The White Crow, comes this dramatised account of the life of Carlos Acosta—the first black ballet star and the greatest male ballet dancer since Nureyev himself. From his early days as a restless boy in Cuba, via his painful emigration, to his explosive international success, it’s a moving and inspiring dance-filled biopic that features the great Acosta himself.

H H HH H

MUSIC: WILD ROSE

This music drama about a brazen but talented young Glaswegian woman, Rose-Lynn (Jessie Buckley), whose only dream is to become a country singer in Nashville, is as dull and unimaginative as its very title (the protagonist’s name is Rose—get it?). Not only does Wild Rose tick just about every tired movie cliché in the book but, somehow, the makers have managed to develop a leading character so obnoxious, self-absorbed and unlikeable, that spending time in her company is excruciating. Might be passable if you’re a country fan. If not— avoid at all costs.

by Eva Mackevic

TIMEWASTERS: SERIES 2 (ITV2)

What is it? Welcome return for a comedy that rightly won many friends first time round, continuing the misadventures of time-travelling 21st-century jazzsters. Why should I watch it? Creator-star Daniel Lawrence Taylor again mixes silliness with satire in rerouting our favourite quartet of colour towards the socially turbulent 1950s. Best episode? Episode 2, in which a dusty outhouse gets turned into a swinging burlesque bar, provides a small field day for the costume and production designers.

TRAITORS: SERIES 1 (C4; ALL4)

What is it? Six-part spy drama, in which an ingénue is tapped by intelligence operatives to serve a double life. Sound familiar? Why should I watch it? This C4 offering feels weirdly like Sunday-night trad when set against the BBC’s recent The Little Drummer Girl, replacing that show’s vivid colour palette with postSecond World War Britain’s austerity browns. Yet early episodes position it as a similarly ripping yarn, with much to communicate about political upheaval post-Churchill.

Best character? Drummer Girl deployed one Boardwalk Empire stalwart in Michael Shannon; Traitors recruits another in Michael Stuhlbarg, no less compelling as the ruthless US spymaster schooling heroine Feef (Emma Appleton).

by Mike McCahill

WHAT TO STREAM THIS MONTH:

PURE (ALL4)

A starmaking performance from the wildly expressive Charly Clive as a young woman cursed with extreme OCD powers this frank comedy-drama.

RUSSIAN DOLL (NETFLIX)

This audacious comedy finds gamer girl

Natasha Lyonne trying to escape a GroundhogDaylike timeloop in which she repeatedly dies.

30 ROCK (ALL4) One of this century’s hall-of-fame sitcoms—based on writerstar Tina Fey’s chaotic experiences at Saturday NightLive—becomes available to binge.

ALBUM OF THE MONTH: HENRYK

GÓRECKI: SYMPHONY NO. 3 BY BETH

GIBBONS AND THE POLISH NATIONAL RADIO SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

Mournful, hauntingly consuming and steeped in medieval aura, Polish composer Henryk Górecki’s “Symphony of Sorrowful Songs” is a piece of music that inspired numerous film directors’ portrayal of pathos and emotion on screen—and it’s one that stays with you forever once you’ve heard it.

If you’ve never encountered Górecki before or just want to revisit this iconic composition in a one-of-a-kind ensemble, here’s your perfect chance. This star-studded rendition from November 2014 features the breathtaking, unearthly vocals of Portishead’s Beth Gibbons who brings a bit of the band’s cool, mysterious trip-hop tinge to this plaintive piece. The performance was also conducted by the great composer and conductor, Krzysztof Penderecki, whose music has been used for soundtracking such films as The Shining and The Exorcist. It’s otherworldly, loaded with emotion and sorrowful beauty that’s unlike any other symphony ever written.

by Eva Mackevic

READER RADAR: MEL OGDEN, RETIRED POLICEMAN

WATCHING: LES MISÉRABLES

BBC ONE I have just finished watching this mini-series and it is so refreshing to watch a faithful adaptation of the novel without the cast bursting into song every few minutes.

ONLINE: GENEALOGICAL RESEARCH It has been an enlightening journey. And, since discovering I have some ancestors who served time in prison, I now realise that I let the side down by joining the police.

READING: ANGRY WHITE PYJAMAS

BY ROBERT TWIGGER

A very amusing tale giving a humorous account of Robert Twigger’s time in Japan, trying to learn Martial Arts.

LISTENING: KATHERINE JENKINS

She’s brilliant—I just close my eyes and relax when she is singing (but not in the car). n

April Fiction

Ian McEwan delves into the unsettling world of artificial intelligence while Sara Collins puts a new spin on gothic fiction in April’s literary morsels

Machines Like Me by Ian McEwan (Cape, £18.99) A new novel by Ian McEwan is always a literary event— although in this case, a slightly odd one. Its main characters include Adam, a highly-developed, realistic-looking artificial human. The book, however, isn’t set in the future. Instead, it takes place in the 1980s—or, more accurately, a version of the 1980s in which (among other things) Tony Benn becomes Prime Minister. Most significantly, Alan Turing is still alive, and the “presiding genius of the digital age”.

Adam’s owner—a clever, somewhat aimless thirty-something Londoner— is initially delighted with Adam’s astonishing intellect. But then, in the traditional way of robot fiction, things start to go wrong. After all, Adam is programmed to be unfailingly logical

James Walton is a book reviewer and broadcaster, and has written and presented 17 series of the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz

The Write Stuff

and principled—and seeing as real human beings are neither, his mission to act like one is ultimately doomed.

McEwan gives the whole subject of artificial intelligence a thorough and fascinating examination (if an occasionally tricky one for the nonscientist). The alternative history stuff is fascinating too, and there are several subplots for good measure. In the end, these elements perhaps don’t all come together—but between them they certainly provide a rich and thought-provoking read.

The Confessions of Frannie

Langton by Sara Collins (Viking, £12.99) Sara Collins can’t be accused of making a timid debut. Her first novel is a passionate, sweeping blend of courtroom drama, slave narrative, whodunit, gothic adventure and love story—all set in a powerfully imagined Georgian world.

When we first meet her, Frannie is a

servant on trial for killing her London master and mistress. We then flash back to her horrific girlhood as a Jamaican slave, before her villainous owner takes her to Britain and gives her away to an equally villainous friend and his racy, opium-taking wife. To general outrage, servant and wife become intimate friends, but Frannie is always aware of how vulnerable her presumed racial inferiority leaves her. And so it proves, when she’s brusquely dismissed and forced into the London underworld—until she’s brusquely summoned back. And with that, we return to the courtroom and find out the suitably grisly truth about the murders.

For most first-time authors the vast range of this material would surely be too much to take on. Yet Collins never loses control of it for a moment.

Name the author

Can you guess the writer from these clues (the fewer you need the better)?

1. Her autobiography—which had a oneword title—was one of last year’s bestelling books.

2. In 1991, while she was a practising lawyer, she became an assistant to the Mayor of Chicago.

3. Between January 2009 and January 2017, her address was 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC.

Answer on p126

Paperbacks

Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant (W. H. Allen, £9.99)

Facebook’s chief operating officer seemed to have an enviable life, until her husband died aged 48. This is her— and her psychologist’s— account of how to emerge from devastating grief.

Lethal White

by Robert Galbraith (Sphere, £8.99)

The latest exciting, endlessly twisting thriller starring Cormoran Strike—by the writer still better known as J K Rowling.

The Secret Barrister

by Anonymous (Picador, £9.99)

Alarming revelations about the shortcomings of the British legal system, as told from the inside.

Forever and a Day

by Anthony Horowitz (Vintage, £8.99)

The prolific author and creator of Foyle’s War, with a prequel to Casino Royale that explains how James Bond earned his licence to kill.

Tiger Woods

by Jeff Benedict (Simon and Schuster, £10.99)

Meticulously researched—ie, often hairraising—biography that fully chronicles one of the most astounding rise-and-fall stories in sporting history.

RD’S RECOMMENDED READ

In The City Of Bridges

An inspiring, life-affirming story of a middle-aged British couple who decide to drop everything and fulfil their dream of moving to Venice…

There are, I suspect, plenty of middle-aged British couples who fantasise about living a completely different life. What makes Philip Gwynne Jones and his wife Caroline unusual is that they decided to do something about it.

A decade ago, they had seemingly good jobs as IT consultants to the Bank of Scotland in Edinburgh. The only trouble was that they hated it.

It was then that Philip remembered that ever-reliable guide to life: a bloke he’d once met a pub. The bloke in question was back in Scotland for a few days’ break from teaching English in Europe—and, a few beers later, was strongly recommending it to Philip. Now, Philip felt, the time had come to take his advice.

To Venice with Love: A Midlife Adventure by Philip Gwynne Jones is published by Constable at £14.99

Luckily, Caroline had just been made redundant—and Philip volunteered to do the same. And so they pooled their redundancy money, sold their flat, took a course in teaching English as a foreign language and headed to Venice to take their chances.

At first, the trickiest thing was to realise they weren’t on holiday. Strolling round the city might be lovely, but they needed to find longterm accommodation, fill in any number of bureaucratic forms and, of course, get some work.

Gradually their plans did fall into place—and this honest, warm and engaging book perfectly captures both the comedy and genuine anxiety involved, without either downplaying or exaggerating the difficulties they faced. It also provides lots of fascinating inside information about one of the world’s most beautiful cities.

Here, Philip has reached the end of summer term teaching a class of seven-year-old girls (including “Very Little Emma” who’s begged him to return next year)—while a class of adults on the mainland seem pretty fond of him too…

I never received presents when I worked in IT. I might have got a free meal and a boozy night out at the end of a project, but that’s not the same. Teaching was different. By the end of that school year I’d received: a magnum of prosecco, a small green nodding turtle, a packet of Violetta paper handkerchiefs (it’s the thought that counts), a photocopy of a book on Buddhist philosophy, a bag of chocolate Easter eggs, and a handmade card that read ‘I love Inglish’ (a present that delighted and yet disappointed in equal measure). I liked the turtle best. Nobody at the bank had ever bought me a turtle.

My adult elementary class took me for a meal after the last lesson. They’d been a lovely class. Everybody

From the epilogue of To Venice with Love…

“When we’d settled in, there were weeks—even months—when we did nothing more interesting than working or preparing for work. As we toiled away at lesson plans late at night, it was easy to think we could be anywhere. ‘New Life’ was, in many ways, similar to ‘Old Life’.

But there were also those moments on a late-night vaporetto, where the only thing to be seen on the Grand Canal was the silhouette of a lone gondolier, and we would think . . . Bloody hell . . . this is where we live! Whether it be buying fish from the Rialto market, watching the shadows lengthen on the Giudecca canal or drinking Negronis that taste like a friendly slap in the face as the evening crowds go by; there is something about this city that knocks the cynicism out of you. There is still a magic to it and that magic can change you.”

got on well, people had a laugh, and even the weaker ones had come on.

We needed two cars to get to the restaurant, and Sergio gave me a lift in his. He’d worked hard all year, to the extent that he wanted an extra conversation class with me, during which we’d happily discuss the golden age of Italian football and great progressive rock bands of the past.

We drove into the country. We travelled quite a distance and I was starting to wonder if I’d pushed them too far and at any moment the car was going to pull over and they’d start digging a shallow grave. I saw an elderly lady crossing the road ahead of us. Sergio hadn’t noticed.

Time stopped.

I wanted to scream but I couldn’t think of the word ‘Stop!’ in Italian. I realised I couldn’t even think of it in English. We were about to take the life of an old woman because I couldn’t think of the word ‘Stop’ in any language at all. All I could come up with was a strangulated

And the name of the author is…

Michelle Obama, author of the bestselling Becoming that address being The White House’s.

“ A card that read ‘I love Inglish’ delighted and yet disappointed in equal measure”

‘NGARRGHHH!’ as I flapped helplessly at the dashboard. And somehow it worked. Brakes slammed on and we screeched to a halt. The old lady didn’t even break her stride…

I was expecting a beer and a pizza. I’d have been happy with a beer and a pizza. But what we sat down to was a four-course meal of exceptional quality, with not a few glasses of wine, and coffee and grappa. Everyone said they’d be back in the autumn. Sergio told an outrageous story involving Pink Floyd and a motorcycle, which was too good not to be true.

Someone asked, ‘Will you still be our teacher next year, Philip?’ Just as Very Little Emma had done.

Of course I would. I wasn’t going to let anyone else steal them.

Later that evening, as I walked— reasonably steadily—over the Calatrava bridge, I reflected on the past year. I’d earned next to nothing. But I had students who bought me nice meals, packets of handkerchiefs and small nodding turtles. I was, by any reasonable definition, a lucky man.” n

Books

THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Dubbed the “mistress of suspense”, novelist Michelle Paver’s latest novel, Wakenhyrst, is out April 4, published by Head of Zeus

Once Long Ago

BY ROGER LANCELYN GREEN, ILLUSTRATED

BY VOJTĚCH KUBAŠTA

My father bought me this when I was five. It’s beautifully illustrated, full of legends and fairy tales from all around the world. So there’s Cinderella, but there’s only two or three other stories you’d recognise from the European tradition. They’re fierce myths, very strange, dealing with different cultures and I read it again and again. Strangely, the first story is a Native American one called “The Boy and the Wolves”, and I ended up writing Wolf Brother, a series about a boy and a wolf.

The Collected Ghost Stories

BY M R JAMES

more subtle and eerie and scary. I read them curled up at night when I wasn’t supposed to be reading. But it all added to the sense of forbidenness, particularly as our house overlooked a graveyard. Those tales sparked a lifelong love of ghost stories and eventually I wrote my own, Dark Matter and Thin Air. And the eerie continues with Wakenhyrst, my latest.

The Master and Margarita

BY MIKHAIL BULGAKOV

I found this in Wimbledon Library when I was about ten. M R James was an Edwardian academic, very erudite, so it’s written in this dry prose with crusty academic characters and then suddenly you get a shock intrusion of the uncanny. It’s not horror, it’s much

I don’t think I read this in one night, but I know I read until the small hours. By that point I’d gotten rid of my bed, because I was trying to emulate the Stone Age—I was a strange child. So, I was huddled under the duvet on the floor reading this completely weird story. The devil comes to Moscow and causes total havoc among the Soviet elite with the help of the most marvellous entourage. It’s wild, witty, profound, moving and beautifully paced. That was it for the rest of my teens—if they weren’t Russian, I wouldn’t read them. n

© ANTHONY UPTON

The Road One For

This month, Olly Mann hits the road—with the best gadgets and apps to improve your in-car experience

SMOOTH CONNECTION

If you’re an iPhone user, and you’re about to buy or rent a new motor, may I heartily recommend you choose one with Apple CarPlay onboard. It may seem an unnecessary upgrade—it’s essentially just a fancypants Bluetooth connection, after all —but, trust me, it feels like magic! Each time you enter your vehicle, you can continue listening to music, podcasts or audiobooks where you left off, take calls through your radio, and beam a decent navigation app to the dashboard, in place of the

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

shonky GPS included by most carmakers. It does require activating Siri, however; a setting which, due to privacy concerns, you may prefer to keep switched off.

JUMP FOR JOY

Traditional jumpleads are fine, until you find yourself stranded in the middle of nowhere with nobody to assist you, or your car breaks down on your front drive and there’s no space to manoeuvre another vehicle remotely close to it. The iClever 800A Car Jump Starter (£89.99) is essentially a giant battery that connects up to your car without needing to source its power from elsewhere. It’s robust, weatherproof and well-built, with an attractive carry case and an integrated LED flashlight for those cold dark nights.

FUEL WITHOUT THE FUSS

Ah, convenience.

Why hunt around for a petrol station when you can simply pull off at the nearest services, and get your gas from the same place you have a wee and a cappuccino?

Because it’s overpriced, that’s why! Instead, download the free AA app. The homescreen of this recently overhauled app is just a tap away from a live map of nearby petrol stations, so you can quickly compare prices based on your precise location. It can also direct you to garages, car parks or electric charging points and—if you’re a member—you can report a breakdown in just two minutes. Now, that’s convenience.

JUICE ON THE MOVE

Even if your car boasts USB ports, it most likely includes only one or two, and bog-standard speeds of batteryboosting. The committed in-car gadgeteer, therefore, should invest in a Tizi Turbolader 5x Mega (£49.99), which plugs into your cigarette lighter and can charge up to five (FIVE!) devices simultaneously, at more than double the speed of a conventional USB. But, almost as importantly, it looks stunning—with curved edges, a chrome outline and a smooth red finish. It’s cool enough to complement the interior of even the sexiest sportscar. Until you stick five cables into it, I guess, but you can’t have everything. n

You Couldn’t Make It Up

Win £30 for your true, funny stories!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

I WAS AT WORK WHEN I GOT A CALL from my husband who was home from work early and decided to phone and complain about a pizza I'd bought.

"Next time," he said, "buy one with a topping because this one is just bread." There was a pause, when suddenly he sheepishly admitted, "Oh I must have opened it upside down."

JENNY MOYNEUX , Denbighshire

WHILE DRIVING ON OUR LAST HOLIDAY, we came to the border in Canada. My husband was asked by a patrol officer what our family's names were.

He became so flustered from the unexpected pressure that he got them all mixed up, resulting in him being questioned for two hours before they accepted that our kids were indeed his children!

ELAINE WEBSTER, Cheshire

MY DAUGHTER, WHO IS A TEACHER, recently encountered a comical moment during a science lesson with her year seven class. To

start the biology lesson off, she asked her class "Does anyone know what a vulva is?"

One young boy shot up his hand and exclaimed confidently "That's a make of car."

GERALDINE BURTON , Denbighshire

MY HUSBAND WAS NEW TO THE GYM and he was telling us about his first time working out.

"As soon as I got there I jumped straight on the treadmill."

Before he could continue our nineyear-old son commented in disgust, "See Mum, I told you Dad knows nothing about gym equipment. Everyone knows you're supposed to ‘jog’ on the treadmill."

BETHANY WEBSTER, Denbighshire

I RECENTLY TOLD MY SIX-YEAROLD DAUGHTER OFF for doing something naughty, exclaiming, "I don’t ever want to see you doing that again!"

She thought about this for around 30 seconds before retorting, "Okay, Mummy, in that case can you just close your eyes for a minute?"

DEENA COLWORTH, Cambridgeshire

WHEN I WAS A SMALL BOY I said to my mother, "Mummy, you know you said that some people in this world are so poor that they can't afford to buy any clothes to wear?"

"Yes, that's right," she replied.

"Well, these people must be very poor. Look…"

"What do the letters 'WWJD' on this cap mean?" I asked the sales assistant.

"What Would Jesus Do?" she confidently answered.

"I'm fairly sure he wouldn't pay £50 for a baseball cap," my friend replied! CATHERINE HISCOX, Hertfordshire

I TEACH ENGLISH TO FOREIGN STUDENTS and as they come to learn, English shares many words with other languages. We call them "false friends" if their meaning is different in the other language and they can cause real problems.

One day I had a lesson with a lovely French lady and I asked her, "What are you doing on Monday?"

To which she replied in all innocence, "On Monday I am having an affair with the vicar."

PATRICIA SANDERS, Cambridgeshire

I WAS BUSY IN THE KITCHEN

"Put that down at once," she exclaimed, outraged, as she snatched my father's copy of Playboy from my hands.

DAVID WEBB, Sussex

WHILE ON HOLIDAY WITH MY FRIEND LAST YEAR I visited a Christian bookshop. As it was a very sunny day, I looked at the range of baseball caps near the counter. They were nice but marked at a rather expensive £50.

PREPARING DINNER for my family when our teenage son asked me for help with a biology question for his homework. I knew his dad was sitting in the lounge reading the paper, so I told him to go and ask him instead.

He left, muttering under his breath and then exclaimed in a very sarcastic tone, "Okay I'll go and ask Dad who has been pretending to know the answers to my questions since I was five."

DAISY DAVID, Hertfordshire

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IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power

You can’t change the weather—but you can at least talk about it sensibly and intelligently. Here’s a flurry of useful terms you can try sprinkling into your everyday chitchat. Turn the page for a flood of answers

BY EMILY COX & HENRY RATHVON

1. inclement adj.—A: comfortably warm. B: severe. C: ever-changing.

2. temperate adj.—A: marked by moderation. B: steamy. C: frigid.

3. aridity n.—A: harshness. B: blazing sunshine. C: drought.

4. nimbus n.—A: frostbite. B: rain cloud. C: weather vane.

5. doldrums n.—A: sounds of booming thunder. B: stagnation or listlessness. C: weather map lines.

6. inundate v.—A: overheat or melt. B: form icicles. C: flood.

7. abate v.—A: decrease in force, as rain. B: increase, as wind. C: pile up, as snow.

8. convection n.—A: cyclonic movement. B: hot air rising. C: meeting of weatherpersons.

9. striated adj.—A: jagged, as hail. B: banded, as clouds. C: patchy, as fog.

10. hoary adj.—A: hazy. B: white with frost or age. C: lightly sprinkling.

11. leeward adj.—A: by the shore.

B: out of balance. C: not facing the wind.

12. graupel n.—A: snow pellets.

B: mudslide. C: warm-water current.

13. insolation n.—A: sunstroke.

B: shade. C: winter clothing.

14. permafrost n.—A: dusting of powdery snow. B: stalled front.

C: frozen subsoil.

15. prognosticate v.—A: forecast.

B: chill. C: take shelter.

Answers

1. inclement—[B] severe. Today’s kite festival has been cancelled due to inclement weather.

2. temperate—[A] marked by moderation. After that cold snap, we could really use some more temperate conditions.

3. aridity—[C] drought. If this aridity continues, I swear I’ll do my rain dance.

4. nimbus—[B] rain cloud. We took one glance at the looming nimbus and headed straight for shelter.

5. doldrums—[B] stagnation or listlessness. FYI, the everyday use of doldrums refers to the area around the equator where prevailing winds are calm.

6. inundate—[C] flood. After the storm, our tiny shop was inundated with water and debris.

7. abate—[A] decrease in force, as rain. “I do believe,” said Noah, “that the downpour is about to abate.”

8. convection—[B] hot air rising. Sea breezes are a common weather effect of convection .

9. striated—[B] banded, as clouds. You could almost climb the ladder in the sky suggested by those striated cirrus clouds.

10. hoary—[B] white with frost or age. Professor Parker’s beard was almost as hoary as the windshield he was scraping.

11. leeward—[C] not facing the wind. We huddled on the leeward side of the island, well out of the stiff breeze.

12. graupel—[A] snow pellets. As I heaved my shovel in the winter snow storm, graupel stung my cheeks like BBs.

13. insolation—[A] sunstroke. Insolation is a serious threat during summer football practices.

WORD OF THE DAY*

WHISKERANDO: Abundant facial hair

14. permafrost—[C] frozen subsoil. Apparenlty, excavating the permafrost in Alaska requires a jackhammer.

Alternative suggestions:

“When you're preparing scrambled eggs and your wife accidentally puts her hand in the bowl”

“A cat's utopia"

“A man with hairy palms”

15. prognosticate [A] forecast. We don't always appreciate his opinion, but nobody can prognosticate like Phil. n

VOCABULARY RATINGS

9 & below: Partly cloudy

10–12: Generally sunny

13–15: Clear blue skies

Brainteasers

Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles, then check your answers on p139

POT OF GOLD

Leprechaun gold comes in denominations of 1, 3, 4, 6 and 7. If the illustrated sets of coins are equal, how much is the shamrock coin worth?

5

4

2

3

4

PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT

Can you place the 2, 3, 4 and 5 of each card suit so that every row and column (but not necessarily the diagonals) contains exactly one card of each denomination and suit?

(POT OF GOLD) DARREN RIGBY

TAKING ORDERS

The robot shown here can move only horizontally or vertically from where it stands. If it’s ordered to go in any one of its four available directions, it will continue as far as it can in that direction before it stops. When it encounters a single box, it will push it until it can’t go any further in that direction. However, it isn’t strong enough to push multiple boxes at once, meaning that two or more boxes stacked next to each other will just stop it where it is, as will a wall or a box stacked against a wall. How could you order the robot out of the room, presuming the doorway is too narrow to push a box through?

RUNS IN THE FAMILY

Jim and his daughter Sam both ran in a six mile race. Jim finished in 49 minutes, Sam in 54. Jim ran at a perfectly steady pace, but Sam lost steam and took exactly 25 per cent more time to complete the second half of the race, compared to the first. Jim’s wife and Sam’s mother, Heather, stood at the halfway mark to cheer them on as they passed. Who went by her first?

PLACE YOUR CHIPS

You have a stack of poker chips that are each worth £5, £10 or £25. You need to put them on the squares of this grid—but no more than one chip per square—so that their value totals the amount of pounds shown for each row, column and long diagonal. Not every square needs to have a chip on it. Several chips and one blank space (designated by a star) have been placed to get you started. Can you finish the grid?

Laugh!

Win £30 for every reader’s joke we publish!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

I HATE IT WHEN WOMEN SAY TO ME, “I just don’t like to lift weights. I’m worried I’ll get too muscular.”

Do you know how much time I’ve spent at the gym just to look this average? That’s like walking up to a piano and saying, “Don’t let me touch those keys, I’m worried I’ll accidentally write a concerto.”

COMEDIAN NELSON LINSANITY

I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD

WHY parents tell their children that if somebody is bullying them, they should just say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

If somebody is already bullying

Puppy to Pooch

These strong owners show off their best friend’s progression from lap dog to top dog (via boredpanda.com)

you, why would you tell them, “What you’re doing isn’t working, but if you tried weapons…”

SEEN ON REDDIT

I THINK IT’S REALLY WEIRD when you give someone flowers. Really what you’re saying is, “Here you go, now watch these die, cause I like you.”

I think you should give someone flowers if you want to threaten them: “Here, you’re next. Better put your feet in water cause I’m coming for you…”

COMEDIAN DEMETRI MARTIN

I LOVE COMEDY. I WAS TELLING my Uber driver that I was on my way to perform and he said, “Wow, how cool that you do comedy! You’re so

brave. If you find a community that’s supportive and uplifting you should go all in and align yourself with them, because you’re worth your own happiness.”

So I’m doing it! I’m going to be an Uber driver.

COMEDIAN CAROLINE TWYMAN

I’M VERY AGAINST FAST FOOD corporations replacing their workers with computers. It’s not because I worry about the potential effects automation will have on the working poor, but because a human face is the only thing that stops me from ordering a number one through ten.

COMEDIAN MIKE AMORY

MY UNCLE WORKS AS A LION tamer. When he went bankrupt, they took nearly everything.

But at least he’s still got his pride.

COMEDIAN GARY DELANEY

I RECENTLY WENT TO A COMPETITION to see who had gained the most weight and lost the

most hair. Obviously it wasn’t called that. It was called a “school reuinion”.

SEEN ONLINE

I MADE MY TELEVISION DEBUT this year on the show Law & Order: DVU. It was a very small part, I played a waiter. But I really wanted to do well so to prepare for it, I actually became a waiter for ten years

COMEDIAN GIAN-MARCO SORESI

THERE HAVE NOW BEEN 159 SEASONS of House Hunters, and they still haven’t shot a single house!

SEEN ONLINE

I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE fixate on one thing about a performer and then judge them based on that.

I have so many female comedian friends, and if any of them goes and tells two jokes, they’re labelled a “sex comic”.

Meanwhile. I go and tell lots of jokes about all the sex I’m having and people label me a “liar”.

COMEDIAN PEDRO GONZALEZ

New Rules

Twitter users share the everyday things they think should be made illegal

@CJ7Ten: “It should be illegal to let Netflix ask, ‘Are you still watching?’Yes Netflix, I am in fact still watching my eighth consecutive episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

@LissyIsBusy: “It should be illegal to only give me one sauce when I order a tenpiece chicken nugget box. I require a minimum of one sauce per three nuggets.

@AGillenwater98: “It should be illegal to sneeze more than twice in a row. You only get one ‘bless you’ and after that you’re on your own.”

@Margeson_Danny: “It should be illegal to give me a merchant receipt, a customer receipt and a third receipt every time I go out for food. What exactly am I supposed to do with all this documentation for my nachos?”

CROSSWORD ANSWERS

MY TYPE IN RELATIONSHIPS IS ME, but better. That’s OK, I just need to find somebody who wants himself, but much, much worse.

COMEDIAN SIMON AMSTELL

A SMALL BOY WALKED INTO A FISHMONGERS proudly carrying a goldfish in a bowl.

He cautiously asked the fishmonger, “Do you sell fishcakes?”

“Of course,” came the reply.

“Thank goodness,” he cried, holding up the goldfish bowl. “It’s his birthday!”

PATRICK BROADHURST, North Yorkshire

I DON’T DO DRUGS. IF I WANT A RUSH, I just stand up when I’m not expecting it.

COMEDIAN DYLAN MORAN

CHILDREN ALWAYS WANT TO DO STUFF. They get angry, they say, “Aw, we didn’t do anything all day!”

But if you ever ask an adult what they did over the weekend and they say they didn’t do anything, their faces just light up.

COMEDIAN JOHN MULANEY

I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED the saleswoman, “Whereabouts is the selfhelp section?”

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose…

SEEN ONLINE

Across: 1 Throaty, 5 Topmost, 9 Entire, 10 Aperture, 11 Sunglasses, 13 Rein, 14 Chaste, 18 Predicts, 19 Flagship, 21 Daybed, 23 Poor, 24 Stationery, 28 Megawatt, 29 Logjam, 30 Intense, 31 Twitchy

Down: 2 Hindu, 3 Owing, 4 Theta, 6 Overspend, 7 Maternity, 8 Serviette, 10 Aesop, 12 Let, 15 Halloween, 16 Sugar cane, 17 Ephesians, 20 Plait, 22 Ado, 25 In-law, 26 Night, 27 Reach

60-Second

Stand-Up

We giggle with energetic comedian, Kieran Hodgson

WHAT’S THE BEST PART OF YOUR CURRENT SHOW? My Howard Wilson impression. I do a bit where he and other Labour politicians from the 1970s are dancing around like the gangs in West Side Story and that is a lot of fun to do. It’s quite a weird moment for the audience as well.

WHO INSPIRES YOUR COMEDY? A lot of character comedians and sketch artists such as The League Of Gentlemen and Harry Enfield. With stand-up, I like Eddie Izzard, he’s someone who’s happy to talk about indepth subjects such as European history. It made me think that I could do comedy like that if I wanted.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUNNY TALES ABOUT A TIME YOU BOMBED ON STAGE? I did a show about Lance Armstrong to an audience of people who worked in the cycling industry and I don’t think they liked it—it was a full hour of silence. After about half an hour I realised there was no turning back and then it just became quite funny to me.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ONE LINER? There’s an old Les Dawson gag where he says, “I went to the doctor’s and asked, ‘What have you got for wind?’ He gave me a kite.”

WHICH SUPER POWER WOULD YOU HAVE? Just to run around the rooftops like on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, it looked like they were having a whale of a time—it’s pretty much the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do as a superpower.

DO YOU FIND ANY PARTS OF THE COUNTRY TO BE FUNNIER THAN OTHERS? I’m a Yorkshire man so I draw all of my inspiration from growing up there and the people I met and grew up with. They remain the funniest for me, but I’ve recently been working in Scotland on a sitcom and there’s a great deal of Glaswegian wit I’ve been enjoying as well. n

Kieran Hodgson is touring nationwide from March 8-May 28. For information and tickets go to kieranhodgson-tour.com

Beat the Cartoonist!

Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-April. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50.

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/fun-games by April 7. We’ll announce the winner in our June issue.

February’s Winner

The day has finally come for our cartoonist to snatch back the crown, with his own hilarious caption—“Well, actually, it’s not a corner is it?” — taking the top spot this month. Think you could do better? Then don’t let our cartoonist get complacent! Enter this month’s competition online and you could be the next reader to steal back our Beat the Cartoonist crown.

In the May Issue

Interview: Bonnie Tyler

The singer on her new album and what it’s like to have such a legendary voice

What Happens When We Die?

Extraordinary stories from people who’ve been moments from death

Plus SURVIVING A CULT

The incredible stories of three people who not only survived a cult, but used their experiences to help others