e Queen at 90: Take Our Quiz! PAGE 75 APRIL 2016 £3.79 readersdigest.co.uk “One Hospital Isn’t Enough” e doctors in Jordan who are fi xing limbs and lives PAGE 94 Brian May Goes Stereoscopic! PAGE 20 “I Remember”: Joan Bakewell PAGE 28 Word Power ......................................... 133 If I Ruled the World ...............................72 Beat the Cartoonist ..............................143 Books that Changed my Life ............... .127 e Joy of Bell Ringing
this
with
PAGE 54
Why
ancient activity still chimes
so many
features
12 It’s a mann’s world
Olly Mann is surprised to find himself a fan of good ol’ Country music
e ntertainment
20 br I an may I ntervI ew
The guitar legend talks music, animals, activism, astrophysics —and stereoscopy
28 “I remember”: J oan ba K ewell
The Labour peer on feminism, ambition and her (infamous) affairs of the heart
Health
36 H ow to FIX J o I nt Pa I n
Discover the newest treatments combating arthritis
Inspire
54 t H e J oy o F bells
Why this seemingly archaic activity brings a sense of vitality to thousands
64 best o F br I t I s H: servI ce stat I ons
The roadside stop-offs that are a destination in their own right
75 t H e queen turns
90
We celebrate Her Majesty’s landmark birthday with a fun-filled quiz
travel & a dventure
80 saraJevo’s lIvInG HIstory
How the Bosnian capital has rebuilt and restored its sense of hope for the future
94 “we GIve tHem a second cHance”
The Jordanian hospital that’s bringing some hope to those wounded in war
Cover Illustrat I on By M att M ur PH y 04•2016 | 1
Contents april 2016
p94
w I t H so many wars and conFlIcts raging across the Middle East, this month’s cover story takes inspiration from the Specialised Hospital for Reconstructive Surgery in Jordan, run by Médecins Sans Frontières. The work undertaken there is truly remarkable, and brings a small ray of hope to a deeply troubled region. Read about it on p94.
Inspiration of a different kind is provided by Brian May (p20) and Joan Bakewell (p28), two polymaths who shame you into wanting to expand your horizons and take up new hobbies. One of these might even be bell-ringing, an ancient activity that provides the perfect body-brain workout and attracts a wider range of people than you’d think—we speak to some of them on p54.
Finally, congratulations are due to Her Majesty the Queen, who marks her 90th birthday on April 21. To test your knowledge of Elizabeth II’s long reign, we’ve prepared a short quiz— turn to p75 and give it a go!
tom Browne
theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk
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| 04•2016 2 IN e V er Y I ssue 6 over to you 8 s ee the World Differently e ntertainment 17 a pril’s cultural highlights Health 44 advice: s usannah Hickling 50 Column: Dr Max Pemberton Inspire 72 If I ruled the World: aldo Zilli travel & a dventure 90 Column: Cathy adams Money 104 Column: a ndy Webb food & Drink 110 tasty recipes and ideas from rachel Walker Home & Garden 114 Column: lynda Clark technology 116 o lly Mann’s gadgets f ashion & Beauty 118 Georgina yates on how to look your best Books 122 april Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads 127 Books that Changed My life: simon s ebag Montefiore f un & Games 130 you Couldn’t Make It u p 133 Word Power 136 Brain teasers 140 l augh! 143 Beat the Cartoonist 144 60-s econd stand- u p: o mid Djalili
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Queen vs Queen
It’s a battle between two Queens on our website this month!
To mark Queen Elizabeth II’s 90th birthday, we’re taking a look back at ten of her greatest royal moments and identifying seven landmark moments in her reign so far, from Beatlemania to the invention of the World Wide Web.
But we loved talking to Brian May so much for this issue that we’re spreading the Queen love even further, starting with a look back at Freddie Mercury’s life in pictures. And we’ll also be honouring the Queen of English Literature, Charlotte Brontë, in honour of the 200th anniversary of her birth.
aPril Fools’ day hits the oFFice…
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5 04•2016 |
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Over to You
We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others
✯ letter of the month...
I was heartened by the wonderful, touching and deeply personal stories in “Love in Later Life”. Back in 2012, after 32 years of what I thought was a happy marriage (albeit with the usual ups and downs), my husband left me for someone he’d found on the internet. I was totally devastated and— with the dreaded big 6-0 looming—saw only a bleak, scary, loveless life ahead.
Although family and friends suggested online dating (as mentioned in the feature), I was very apprehensive. The thought of meeting and making small talk in a unfamiliar restaurant with a total stranger was terrifying. As for the thought of showing anyone my wobbly bits after all these years—forget it! However, since reading the heartwarming experiences of other readers who felt just as apprehensive as me, I’ve decided to give it a go and join the Reader’s Digest Dating site. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years, or even months, I might have an interesting story of my own…
CAROLE CASAN, Devon
rUBY’S r IG ht
I’ve always been a fan of Ruby Wax, so I was interested to read her suggestions in “If I Ruled the World”. I liked her first statement that she wouldn’t tell other people how to
behave—I think this was the first time I’d read this in any of the contributors’ ideas. But it’s perhaps the simplest and most obvious thing, and it would have been my first idea too!
MELANIE LODGE, Yorkshire
6 | 04•2016
TH e F e B r UA r Y I ss U e
L e TT ers on
W or KI n G to l IV e
I enjoyed read Olly Mann’s article
“Is Chasing the Dream Worth It?”
Last year, I took the opportunity to cut my working hours. I’m much happier, more relaxed and have more time for my two passions—writing and gardening.
enjoy the bustle of the shoot. But the highlight was even sweeter—after a cut, Bill Nighy stood straight in front of us having his hair fluffed. Laura took out a bag of sweets and offered them around. On seeing Bill’s eyes light up, she mouthed, “Would you like one?”
He swooned across and remarked, “Seeing as I’m about to steal a sweet from you, I should introduce myself: Hi, I’m Bill.”
The look on the other women’s faces were a picture, and I wish I had it on camera! RON KEOGH, Humberside
D on ’ t PA n IC
VALERIE GRIFFIN, Dorset
Although I’d have preferred to give up my job entirely, I’ve come to realise that it actually gives me the interaction outside of my own head that I need—even though I can’t wait to get home again. Plus, I’ve changed my attitude towards my job and now see it from a different perspective. For me, the compromise was definitely worth it.
SW eetne SS & n IG h Y
I was thrilled to read “The Changing of the Home Guard”. My family and I were lucky enough to be asked to take part as extras in the Dad’s Army film—I’ve been a fan of the original series since the Seventies and I’m also a member of the DAAS (Dad’s Army Appreciation Society), which keeps the series’ history continuing for new viewers. It was a long day on set, but one off the bucket list for me, my wife Julie and daughter Laura.
It was a treat to see such wonderful actors and actresses so close up and
“The World is Not Falling Apart” was an excellent article, which tapped into my often-voiced opinion that we’re exposed to too much news these days.
I tried not watching, listening to or reading any news for about five weeks late last year. The only news I picked up on was what I heard other people talking about. I certainly didn’t feel deprived or uninformed. If we limited ourselves to one broadcast or perusal of the headlines a day we would be happier and—as your authors duly noted—keep the doom in perspective. Hasn’t it got to be worth a try?
MICHAEL CROUCH, Norfolk
7 04•2016 |
WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! Send letters to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk Please include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media.
8
the world turn the page
see
photos: © animal-press
...differently
The tables have turned: usually it’s the lions that hunt the buffalo at the Maasai Mara National Reserve in Kenya. This cat, however, seems to have just lost his appetite after seeing the herd.
To protect a calf, the adult buffaloes directly confronted the intruder, turning the hunter into the hunted. Moments later, this “King of the Animals” was able to save himself by climbing a nearby tree—ultimately leaving his hunting grounds with an empty stomach and his tail between his legs.
11
Decidedly British he may be, but Olly Mann finds he has a strange affinity with country music
The Sweet Sound Of The States
Olly Mann is a writer, LBC presenter and serial podcaster, with shows including Answer Me This!, The Media Podcast and The Modern Mann
I enjoy Country mus IC . It feels embarrassing to admit this: I’m British, I’m liberal, I’m a Jew. Country music, frankly, is not meant for me. To listen to Country, one should, ideally, be American, Republican, gentile. It should soundtrack your drive, as you gulp back home brew in the summer sun, windows down, somewhere in Tennessee. You should be on your way to a rodeo, or a hog roast, or a screening of Donald Trump’s most inflammatory speeches. At a drive-in.
Yet, as I cruise the suburbs of north-west London (windows firmly up to protect me from sideways rain, en route to score bagels and a copy of The Guardian), there’s little else blasting from my stereo. It may be that the only cowboys in my vicinity are estate agents, that the only barbecue is Nando’s. Yet, the allure of Country remains.
I’m not alone. I’d always supposed it was a sizeable niche —a sample listen to Radio 2’s Bob Harris Country, with its evangelistic audience interaction, reveals that much—but I hadn’t realised quite how many fellow Brits are closet Country fans until I attended Country 2 Country, a mini-festival at London’s O2 (which also stops by Glasgow and Dublin), and was shocked to see that the event not only fills the main arena at the venue, but spills out on to the throughways and shopping areas. Pop-up stages line the piazza; market
| 04•2016 12
It’s a Mann’s Worl D
stalls shill boots, belts and hats; and after-show parties (complete with line-dancing) take over the bars. It’s Nashville, Greenwich.
Who’s the average punter? Tricky to say. Certainly, I spotted plenty of
grey hairs in the crowd, and few people of colour. I observed a few more Americans than you’d typically spot in a British audience. And a surprising proportion of lesbians (I asked a gay friend why this is. She
Reade R ’s d igest 04•2016 | 13 Illustrat I on B y D an MI t CHE ll
said it’s the boots). But, as far as I could deduce, there was no bogstandard British Country fan: just as many members of the audience were dressed in full Western tassle outfits as those who appeared to be besuited bank managers.
I suspect, if a common link did unite us, it’s that we’ve all visited the US on holiday. In North America, Country isn’t considered weird or quaint; it’s supermainstream—as ubiquitous as Taylor Swift, who, of course, was a Country crooner before she became the world’s biggest pop star.
Every town has its own Country station, even if located thousands of miles from a honky-tonk (the first I discovered, GoCountry105, is in Orange County, California). Every talent show has a Country contestant (Carrie Underwood rose through the ranks of American Idol). Visit the States, and Country surrounds you; piped through speakers at the petrol stations, supermarkets and hotel foyers. So then, when you get home, it’s natural to seek it out.
the Las Ketchup song. Getting into Country after a spell in the States isn’t merely about sustaining the fun you had on holiday. Nostalgia may be a huge component of Country music—witness the many references to Hank, Johnny and June—but the best Country compositions tell contemporary stories, with timeless themes: tunes about ordinary people, falling in love, questioning their existence on Earth, and, yes, working 9-to-5.
For a genre so rooted in small-town America, there is something very inclusive about Country music
That makes it quite different, in my view, from returning from a week in Magaluf and downloading
take brad pa I sley’s “Anything Like Me”, in which a prospective father imagines his unborn son echoing his own flawed character traits (“It’s safe to say that / I’m going to get my payback / If he’s anything like me”). That always leaves a lump in my throat—particularly because the last word of the song is sung by Paisley’s real-life toddler, Huck. Or then there’s Miranda Lambert’s “The House That Built Me”, a deceptively simple ditty about a grown woman returning to her childhood home to reclaim her roots (“I thought if I could touch this place or feel it / This brokenness inside me might start healing”). The melancholy tone of the melody tells
It’s a Mann’s Worl D | 04•2016 14
us that happiness will continue to elude her, however revived she is by revisiting those bricks and mortar.
Country also makes me laugh out loud, something that rarely happens in pop. Kacey Musgraves’ “Family Is Family”, for example, hilariously depicts the disconnect between the strong family ties we feel for our nearest and dearest, and the alienation we experience as we question how we can possibly be related to them (“They own too much wicker, and drink too much liquor /
You’d wash your hands of them, but blood’s always thicker”).
For a genre so rooted in smalltown America, there’s something very inclusive about it. I don’t feel— as I did when I was into indie, college rock or even movie soundtracks— that this music will somehow be ruined if it becomes more popular. Rather, I feel compelled to tell as many people as possible to give it a go. So, if you’re not already a Country fan, why not try it out, y’all? Bet I see you next year at The O2.
BRAZEN OR BRILLIANT?
a student copied code he found on the internet—but sent a rather audacious email to avoid getting caught. Here are all 164 cheeky words, unedited (except for the student’s name, which has been changed).
Hi Eddie,
I am Danny. I loved your Navier Stokes Equations so much that I copied it word for word, variable for variable and presented it to my teacher for my final semester project. However, my teacher is a smart man and he had previously caught a guy who had copied code from the Internet.
Could you please removed your Navier Stokes Equations program from the site for a week.
If my teacher finds out I’ve copied from your code he will screw me and I’ll fail the project. If however he doesn’t get to know that I have copied from you he will pass me. I am thoroughly indebted to you for your brilliant programs but I assure you I will never use them for any commercial purpose. I just need to show this code to my teacher tomorrow and it his gonna search the Internet to see if it has been copied. Please remove it for this week.
Thanks in advance,
Danny
SOURCE: THEPOKE.CO.UK
Reade R ’s d igest
04•2016 | 15
Films
by tom browne
Movie of the Month
■ drama: son of saul This deserved winner of the Best Foreign Language Film at the recent Academy Awards is told from the point of view of Saul (Géza Röhrig), a concentration-camp inmate who works as a Sonderkommando—a prisoner forced to dispose of gas-chamber victims. The story, which is best left to the viewer, unfolds in real time, largely shot right up close to the lead actor’s face. As such, many events happen just off camera, in the background or out of focus, which only intensifies the horror. The sound design, which recalls Elem Klimov’s harrowing war drama Come and See, is also a masterpiece of sensory assault. This is painful viewing at the best of times, but its power is undeniable, and it comes as close as any other film to conveying the sheer nightmare of the Holocaust.
■ musical: sing street Anyone with fond memories of The Commitments will warm to this joyous Irish film, which centres on Cosmo (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo), a schoolboy who forms a band to escape his strained family life and to win over girl-next-door Raphina (Lucy Boynton). As with director John Carney’s earlier film Once, there are a number of original songs alongside classic Eighties numbers, and the young cast have a lot of fun blasting them out.
■ thriller: Victoria This German film has already won praise for its audacious technique—it was shot in one single take, which reportedly took just three attempts. The narrative follows the title character (Laia Costa) over a night in Berlin as she gradually—and rather implausibly—gets drawn into a world of crime. The self-conscious style obscures the movie’s flaws, but while it doesn’t leave a lasting impression, you can’t help but be impressed while watching it.
entertainment 04•2016 | 17 © Laokoon Fi L mgroup / © adopt F i L ms / © L ionsgate
Géza Röhrig in Son of Saul
■ biopic: eddie the eagle No one deserves the “plucky underdog” label more than Eddie “The Eagle” Edwards, a 24-year-old from Cheltenham who managed to qualify as a ski jumper for the 1988 Winter Olympics despite a total lack of experience, funding and, frankly, talent. Taron Egerton manages to convey Edwards’ goofy charm, and the film as a whole wins you over, despite director Dexter Fletcher’s broad-brush style.
■ drama: despite the falling snow In 1950s Moscow, a female spy (Rebecca Ferguson) begins stealing secrets from a rising KGB agent (Sam Reid), but ends up falling in love with him. Although sumptuously shot, this somewhat typical Cold-War drama suffers in comparison with last year’s Bridge of Spies, and sadly can’t compete with the various John le Carré adaptations once again back on our screens.
DVD of the month
■ sunset song* Lewis Grassic Gibbon’s novel is brought to the screen by director Terence Davies.
On Your Radar Brenda Storey, freelance writer
Watching: the apprentice (bbc1) I came late to this and didn’t want to like it—but one episode in, I was hooked.
Reading: the establishment by owen Jones Whether this is written by a conspiracy theorist or someone with real insight into politics, it’s a fascinating read.
Online: Zen habits Like most people, I’m trying to make positive changes in life, and this website offers a huge amount of inspiration to make habits stick.
l
istening: epic inspirational music on youtube This provides an uplifting soundtrack to my day.
Fancy appearing in this section? Send your current cultural favourites, along with short descriptions, to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk
| 04•2016 18 entertainment
© 20th century F ox
Unlikely heroes: Taron Egerton (left) and Hugh Jackman
* TO BUY DVDS FEATURED HERE, GO TO shop.readersdiGest.co.uK
Music
by mandi G oodier Album of the Month
the hope six demolition project by p
J harvey
P J Harvey pushes herself into new territory with each release, and her ninth album—recorded during a residency at Somerset House—was written in Kosovo, Afghanistan and Washington DC.
“[Getting] information from secondary sources felt too far removed,” says Harvey. “I wanted to smell the air, feel the soil and meet the people of the countries I was fascinated with.” Indeed, the lyrics contain stark references to patriotism, tradition and graffiti-stained walls—but combined with Harvey’s powerful voice and sparse but intricate arrangements, it delivers a fragile kind of hope.
Key tracks: “Chain of Keys”, “The Ministry of Social Affairs”, “The Wheel” Like this? You may also like: Lou Reed, St Vincent, Anna Calvi
overlooked record from the past desertshore by nico Nico began her career with The Velvet Underground, on whom she was imposed by Andy Warhol. But she would continue to work with VU members Lou Reed and John Cale, with Cale in particular shaping her sound.
While her first solo outing Chelsea Girls was the most accessible and The Marble Index influenced post-punk, her third album Desertshore remained more low key. But this fits with the album itself—a combination of neoclassical arrangement, droning harmonium and Nico’s strange-accented vocals, it creates a sparse and very beautiful ambiance.
On Our Radar
Grand national, aintree, apr 9, The runners and riders gather at Merseyside. rhs Flower show, cardiff, apr 15–17, The city centre brims with fancy blooms. the stratfordupon-avon literary Festival, apr 24–may 1, Debates, ideas, and author events.
Reade R ’s d igest 04•2016 | 19
liSTEn TO THESE AlBUmS AT readersdiGest.co.uK/listen © maria mochnac Z
Stereoscopy, music, astronomy, animals... is there a subject Brian May hasn’t mastered?
By F i O na H i CKS
© Max a lexander entertainment 20
“I’m One Who Has to Be of Those
Creating”
Brian May speaking at AstroFest, taking the audience on “a stereoscopic adventure into space”
“EvE rybody s EE ms to think i ’m a rock star,” says Brian May, chuckling. “It comes at me in odd ways. I was at dinner with my daughter the other day and having some trouble deciding what to eat. She said, ‘Dad, you’re a rock star, you can have whatever you want.’ I take it all with a pinch of salt, to be honest.”
Softly spoken, thoughtful and unfailingly humble, it’s true that Brian the man can be hard to reconcile with Brian May the icon. And yet an icon he is: consistently voted one of the world’s best guitarists, he was a founding member of Queen, has toured the world for the past four decades and sold upwards of 200 million records. Throughout, of course, he’s also maintained the same iconic hair.
However, as a selfconfessed “person of too many passions”, you could argue that the rock-star moniker actually undersells Brian. His latest venture is certainly an atypical side project for a musician. Crinoline: Fashion’s Most Magnificent Disaster is a beautiful tome released in association with the Victoria & Albert Museum’s “Undressed: 350 Years of Underwear Fashion” exhibition. It’s his fourth published work of this nature and an outlet for one of Brian’s many esoteric interests—stereoscopy, a type of
3D photography that was popular in the Victorian era.
Why do people insist on having flat pictures when you can take ones that have real depth?
“Stereo photography goes right back to my childhood,” says Brian enthusiastically. “When I was about 11 years old, you would get toys in cereal packets—it’s a great shame that kids don’t have that pleasure today—and in Weetabix packets they gave away little stereo cards. I sent off my one and sixpence to get the viewer, and it arrived in the post. I put my card in the view and suddenly, I remember it so well…I felt like I could walk through the window and touch the picture of the hippopotamus. I thought, Why do people insist on having flat pictures when you can take pictures that have real depth? The magic and joy of that stayed with me all my life.”
Such is his enthusiasm for the medium that he carried a stereo camera all throughout the Queen tours—and he hints he’ll soon be producing a Queen-in-3D book, “hopefully by Christmas”.
22
| 04•2016 “i’ M one of tho S e who ha S to B e creating”
© crinoline photo S : d eni S p ellerin
when he’s not gazing at stereo photos, Brian can also be found lecturing on astronomy. In another unconventional move, at the age of 59 he went back to complete a PhD that he’d started almost 40 years previously.
“It was very tough, I have to say,” claims Brian. “All my notes from the old days were handwritten, so
I started by typing all of them into my laptop. I had to clear the decks for a year—I didn’t do anything except work on that thesis.”
The result was “A Survey of Radical Velocities in the Zodiacal Dust Cloud”. It’s all very impressive—but it rather seems Brian, or Dr May as he’s now officially titled, never stops. What on earth (or beyond) drives him?
23 04•2016 |
Brian surveys a crinoline from the V&A exhibition
Brian lectured to an audience of 400 at AstroFest—with 3D glasses; (right) his new book Crinoline is his fourth tome on stereoscopy; (far right) Brian protesting in July last year against proposed changes to the Hunting Act
“I don’t know what it is,” he laughs. “I have too much fun because I don’t sleep. It’s very hard to sleep.”
Brian has spoken openly about his struggles with depression, and how he finds keeping busy a good antidote. “I think I’m one of those people who has to be creating, or else there’s something wrong,” he says. “Whether it’s music or stereoscopy or astronomy— to go somewhere no one’s gone before is always a great
24 | 04•2016 “i’ M one of tho S e who ha S to B e creating”
feeling. To see people’s joy when they discover what you’ve brought to them…that’s always a thrill.”
There’s another part of his life that’s rather less enjoyable but no less essential to Brian. “I’m very committed to trying to change things in the way we treat animals,” he says, with a sigh. “We’re incredibly unjust, cruel and completely misguided. For me, it’s needs a revolution. We’ve got people— including our prime minister—who want to bring back fox hunting. To me, that’s appalling. The best thing about human beings is compassion… that part of the human psyche that makes us want to be decent to each other and other creatures on the planet. People who have that view are precious— and they don’t have enough power.”
feudal,” he states. “Economics is apparently the bible that this government works to—I feel it’s all about keeping the rich, rich and keeping the poor, poor.”
Of course, Brian himself is a man of considerable wealth. He insists that only fuels him: “I don’t come from
in pursuing mattErs concerning animal welfare, Brian says his eyes have been opened to wider political issues—and he’s not shy about sharing his opinion. “A number of people listen to me because they’ve heard of me, but I’m still a small voice against a big machine, which is about privilege and perpetuation of the old type of Britain that’s almost
money. I come from a poor family where my mum was saving shillings in a jam jar to pay for the gas and electricity. I know what it’s like to be poor, and it’s not nice.
“It’s so blatantly obvious to me that everything’s wrong about the way things are run,” he continues. “It’s almost as if, by definition, the selfish and unscrupulous people will always dominate. You wonder how the human race evolved as well as it has.”
A strong motivation for raising his
25 04•2016 | r eader’ S d ige S t © Max a lexander / © crinoline photo S : d eni S p ellerin / © Veh B i Koca/ a la M y Stoc K p hoto
head above the parapet is, now at 68 years old, Brian feels he has limited time to continue making an impact. “I’m aware of my own mortality now because so many contemporaries are dying,” he says.
He has especially fond memories of David Bowie, who passed away unexpectedly earlier this year. “We spent some time with him, notably in making ‘Under Pressure’ and a couple of things that never came out. He was a magnificent innovator,
there’s no doubt about that. And a great catalyst. He was one of these people who would go into a room with a lot of people who didn’t even know each other, but he would make something happen between them. That was the kind of person he was—he’d look at things and see opportunities and draw things together. It takes a very clear vision to do that. He was also a very good singer. People haven’t been saying that much, but actually as a pure singer, he exceeded anyone.”
music rEmains the “central spine” of Brian’s life, and he has gigs lined up for the rest of the year and beyond. When he’s not working, he likes nothing more than spending time with his wife of 15 years, actress Anita Dobson, and his three children. Always astronomically minded, he likes contemplating the universe too. “Every morning I get up and think, What’s worth doing for the rest of your life, Brian May? I want to lead a decent life. I want to look after my loved ones.
“But what’s it all about? Why do we do the things we do? Everything’s explainable by science except God and love. These are the questions that I need to answer—and time’s running out.”
Crinoline: Fashion’s Most Magnificent Disaster (£50, the London Stereoscopic Company) is available from april 16.
| 04•2016 26 “i’ M one of tho S e who ha S to B e creating”
Brian with actress wife Anita Dobson
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an author of radio plays, novels and an autobiography, Joan Bakewell’s career in broadcasting has spanned more than 50 years. now 82, she sits in the House of lords as a labour peer, Baroness Bakewell of stockport
“I Remember” Joan Bakewell
…BEING VERY CLOSE TO MY FATHER. I absorbed a great many of his values and his ambition for me. When I was a toddler he used to give me my evening bath—in those days an exceptional thing for a father to do. It’s a wonderful development of my time that fathers have become far more involved with their children, showing them the tenderness and love I was lucky enough to receive from mine all those years ago.
…OUR ROAD IN STOCKPORT. It was part of the 1930s ribbon development, which came to a halt at the start of the war. As a result our road remained unfinished, so
beyond our house were open fields full of waving grasses, flowers and insects, while in the other direction you could hop on a bus into town for school, shops or the cinema.
…BEING GIVEN A LOVELY DOLL WHEN MY SISTER WAS BORN.
Susan was six years younger than me, born at the start of the war, and my parents were keen to ensure I wasn’t jealous of her. Mother had a baby and so I had a baby. Everything she did for Susan I did for my doll. Twenty five years later, when I had my own two children, I found I knew exactly how to change nappies and to bathe them.
entertainment
© sukey parnell
Joan’s mother and father on their wedding day in 1928
…STALKING GERMAN SPIES IN THE FIELDS OF CHESHIRE.
I had a very vivid imagination and so did my friend Ann. We thought the war was rather like a film, in as much as it would definitely end well and that we would triumph over the enemy “out there”. Ann and I concocted an elaborate game: we gave ourselves invented names and friends, and would search out the Germans on our trusty pretend horses. Perhaps it was a way of dealing
with the anxiety the war cast over our lives. Certainly I’ve always been quite an anxious person; I think it comes from absorbing my parent’s apprehension during those years.
…MY MOTHER BURNING A PHOTOGRAPH OF ME WITH
A BOY. She was an old-fashioned conformist and saw it as her job to keep her two daughters on the straight and narrow, so there was no chance we might do something dangerous—like have sex. She never told me the facts of life. But from the age of 15 I took a strong interest in boys.
One exciting time I won a travelling scholarship and found myself on a coach to Belgium and Holland with other girls and boys from Cheshire schools. It was the first time many of us had been out of reach of our parents and we all set about canoodling and snogging, as it was then called. All amazingly innocent of course, in full daylight on a packed coach.
Someone took a photo of me locked in an embrace with a boy. After the trip I was given the photo, which I cherished and hid away. My mother used to rifle through my property and when she found the photo she was furious. She insisted on burning it in front of me—a sort of ceremonial event to destroy my shocking behaviour. But I remember being very confused and thinking,
| 04•2016 30
p H otos are courtesy of little, B rown B ook group
It was the first time many of us had been out of reach of our parents, and we all set about canoodling and snogging
Is this so very wicked? If so, how the hell am I supposed to grow up?
…OUR “SPINSTER” TEACHERS.
This is a term you’d never use now, but with the loss of so many young men during the war, many women were left without hope of marriage. They became teachers, did good works or set up charitable institutions. When my headmistress announced that I’d won a scholarship to Cambridge, she also made a point of reminding all the school that “the true calling of a woman’s life is to be a wife and mother”.
…THE BEAUTY OF CAMBRIDGE. Moving from industrial Stockport, with its smoking chimneys, to the leafy paradise of Cambridge is something I’ve never got over. The sense of exhilaration I felt cannot be underestimated; not only had I won a place there in one of only two women’s colleges, but we were the generation that had survived the war. I didn’t much mind that women couldn’t join the Cambridge Union
or the Footlights—I was much too busy having a good time.
The only time I got involved in any sort of protest was when my friend Marc Boxer, who was editor of the student magazine, was sent down for publishing a poem deemed to be blasphemous. We organised a hearse to take him to the station.
…MY MOTHER SINKING INTO DEPRESSION. It was very hard for my sister, who was still at school long after I’d left home. Sometimes my mother would spend weeks at a time in silence and Susan suffered badly as a result. It wasn’t something you
Joan’s sister Susan, aged five, with Joan, 11
31 04•2016 |
r eader’s d igest
talked about then and my mother was just considered “difficult”. She certainly wasn’t offered therapy or medication— the idea that anyone outside the family would know about her strange behaviour was absolutely unacceptable. It was misery behind closed doors and it fed on itself.
…LATE NIGHT LINE-UP. This was my first proper broadcasting job and it was an extraordinary programme, running from 1965 to
1972. I’d got married in 1955 and had two children by then. The programme transmitted live in the evening, so I’d put the children to bed, read them a story and then dash to the studio three or four times a week. I’ve always had a lot of energy.
Sometimes the show was erudite and other times we’d just be rather silly, so the magazine format never got stale. Looking back, it wasn’t very good for my marriage as it left my husband on his own too much.
32 | 04•2016
i remem B er
Joan with her first husband Michael and their children Harriet and Matthew
Harold [Pinter] and I had an eight-year affair. We were both happily married and didn’t want to get married to each other
…READING HAROLD PINTER’S PLAY BETRAYAL. Harold and I had an eight-year affair during the 1960s. We were both happily married to other people and didn’t want to get married to each other—marriage was about domesticity and settling down. Our relationship was a passionate love affair and one we’d kept secret from the world.
So when I read the script of his new play in 1978 (we’d remained friends long after we stopped being lovers and were both on our second marriages), I started to think, Hang on, the things in this play happened to Harold and me.
I became horrified as I realised that he’d objectified our relationship instead of keeping it a tender memory,
while alleging I’d also betrayed him. However, it wasn’t to become public knowledge that the play was based on our extramarital affair until some 20 years later when Michael Billington’s biography of Pinter was published. It roused in me a renewed sense of anxiety as the press went into overdrive. But by the time I published my own autobiography in 2003, I no longer felt any guilt.
…I’VE ALWAYS CHOSEN JOBS THAT GIVE ME DELIGHT. Being freelance and hopping around doing different things was quite unusual in my day, though commonplace now.
Heart of the Matter was a longrunning BBC programme that I presented from 1979 to 2000 and was probably my favourite job.
Interviewing Harold Pinter in 1969, with whom Joan had a “passionate” affair
33 04•2016 | r eader’s d igest
It discussed current events within a moral climate. I’ll never forget interviewing Nelson Mandela, the first long interview with him for British television, shortly after he was released from Robben Island. We flew to Stockholm where he was meeting Walter Sisulu and other ANC colleagues. Mandela was very tall, courteous and charming, and you could tell he enjoyed the company of women. It was a fantastic moment.
…THINKING BILLY ELLIOT WAS
A FAMILIAR STORY. When I was the arts correspondent for Newsnight in the 1980s, I was approached by Scottish Ballet. They told me they were having great difficulties with fathers (many of them shipbuilders)
Interviewing
Mandela shortly after his release from Robben Island; (below)
Joan in 1999 with her CBE for services to the arts and television
whose boys wanted to train to dance. The fathers were taking a dim view of their sons doing something as “feminine” as ballet. We did the story, so when the film Billy Elliot came out in 2000, I remember thinking, I’ve been there and done that!
…BUYING A NEW HAT for my second visit to Buckingham Palace. I got a CBE in 1999 and a DBE in
| 04•2016 34 i remem B er
2008, so I certainly couldn’t wear the same hat twice! The Queen has amazing stamina; she stands there for hours playing her role as Queen to perfection. One of the great pleasures for me, besides the shared sense of pride with my family, was having the opportunity to admire the sensational paintings in the palace.
…BECOMING THE VOICE OF OLDER PEOPLE.
I’d already been writing a column in The Guardian called “Just Seventy” when Harriet Harman approached me to be a spokesperson for older people. I’ve always tried to live life to the full. If I feel a bit creaky and get annoyed, I have to remind myself I’m pretty old now. I’ve done pilates twice a week for years and I think that’s been very helpful in keeping me active.
…ENJOYING MY GRANDCHILDREN.
I still do, of course, but they’re grown up now. Being a mother is a great responsibility. You feel it the moment the little bundle is put in your arms, but you’re so blissed out with rapture you don’t mind. But being a grandmother is sheer delight—fun times with treats, presents and trips to the theatre each Christmas.
…SO MUCH. We’re each made up of our memories, a wonderful library that adds up to what we are today. Our memories feed in from the moment we wake up each day and make us unique. As told to Caroline Hutton
Joan’s latest book Stop the Clocks: Thoughts on What I Leave Behind (Virago, £18.99) is out now.
“crime of the century: someone has stolen the bristly bit from my letterbox.”
“The in-laws stayed over for the weekend and now my Netflix is suggesting everything Michael McIntyre.”
“someone at my work mixed pg tips and earl grey in one cup.”
“The electrician is working in the hallway and I need to go to the kitchen. I’m a prisoner in my own living room.”
“Boots have changed the packaging for their sandwiches so i can no longer recognise my favourite fillings.”
SOURCE: THEPOKE.CO.UK
04•2016 | 35
r eader’s d igest
FOR MORE, GO TO readersdigest.CO.UK/entertainment V er Y B ritis H P e CC adi LLO es
More than 40 million europeans have osteoarthritis—but doctors are discovering new ways to treat it
How to Fix
Joint PA in
By Ani TA B A r TH o L om E w
At first, AgnieszkA OzieblO refused to let the pain in her right knee slow her down. the office worker, now 56, carried on with her favourite activities: brisk walks near her home in Warsaw, Poland, and longer hikes along mountain trails whenever she could. but about 15 years ago, her knee screamed in protest just walking around town. she went from doctor to doctor. X-rays revealed her diagnosis: osteoarthritis (OA), often simply called arthritis, the most common of joint disorders.
HEALTH 36
Ph O t O i llustr Ati O n by MA ggie l A r O u X
37
If you’ve ever eaten a chicken leg, that rubbery gristle you see covering the ball and socket where the bones meet is actually cartilage, much like our own. And it’s what gets damaged in OA, usually after decades of wear and tear, or through injury. It typically starts in the cartilage, but OA doesn’t necessarily stop there.
“Once you get damage to cartilage, the bone that supports it starts to get damaged,” says Philip Conaghan, professor of muscloskeletal medicine at the University of Leeds and medical advisor to Arthritis Research UK. Because cartilage is slow to grow back, the bone grows instead, attempting to fill the gap. This “repair” makes the problem worse.
people older than 50—and about half of everyone older than 65 has it to some degree. But it can also occur in younger people, especially those who carry a bit too much weight and thus overload their joints. Losing weight can’t stop OA, but it often reduces the aching of over-taxed joints.
Genes play a role in OA. Gender does as well: women are more susceptible. And the joint injuries you suffer in sport can set you up for OA years later.
Physiotherapy can improve symptoms, and it might help delay the need for more aggressive treatments
As if this weren’t bad enough, it “isn’t the only source and cause of osteoarthritis”, says Dr Eric Strauss of NYU-Hospital for Joint Diseases in New York. “It’s that, combined with the production of inflammatory enzymes in the joint.” Those enzymes rush to the scene of the injury, where they break down more cartilage. The cycle keeps repeating itself, causing more disability as it progresses.
Although OA can affect almost any joint, it most commonly occurs in the knees, hips, hands and spine. The condition is especially prevalent in
Although exercise might seem to be the last thing you’d want to do with tender joints, it can reduce the pain of OAaffected knees and make it easier to get around. And, counter-intuitively, exercise can also be antiinflammatory. Of course, if you have a painful joint, you should only start an exercise programme under the supervision of a physiotherapist. And although we often hear that walking is great exercise, in OA, explains Professor Conaghan, it might not be your best choice because “it doesn’t build muscle that well”.
He does, however, suggest “walking laps in a swimming pool”, as that, unlike strolling or hiking, builds muscle. Other exercises that might help include non-weight-bearing activities such as riding an exercise or road bike, or using
| 04•2016 38 h OW t O fi X JO int PA in
P revi O us s P re A d, P h O t O s: ©getty i MA ges (c O ils, O ilc A ns). MA n ill O : © shutterst O ck
gym equipment such as a cross-trainer or glider.
A 2011 analysis of previous studies found that while physiotherapy can improve symptoms, there was no evidence that it could stop the progression of OA. Even so, says Stefan Lohmander, professor of orthopedic surgery at Lund University in Sweden, it might help you delay the need for more aggressive treatments.
PhysiotheraP y did hel P to reduce Agnieszka’s knee pain at first. But eventually, OA’s progression outpaced exercise’s benefits. About five years ago, Agnieszka’s left knee began to hurt too. “I was scared that I would be immobilised for good,” she says.
Fortunately for her, newer treatments held promise for better results. Her doctor performed arthroscopic surgery on her knee in an attempt
to repair damaged cartilage . But it brought her “no relief”.
Then, in 2012, Agnieszka heard of a promising new OA treatment: plateletrich-plasma (PRP) injections. Cartilage doesn’t heal itself readily, and one major reason is because it lacks a blood supply. The platelets in blood are necessary to healing. PRP treatments are autologous, meaning that the patient’s own blood is used. Doctors separate out the platelets and plasma in a centrifuge, then inject the resulting PRP into the arthritic joint.
Agnieszka had PRP injections in January 2012. While they may not work for every patient, she, at long last, found sweet relief. For more than six months, “I didn’t feel any pain.” Although her symptoms gradually returned, Agnieszka doesn’t feel discouraged. She’s considering having PRP treatment again.
CHondroTin SLowS KnEE dEgEnErATion
new research from the university of Montreal school of Medicine presented in november last year showed that a daily 1,200mg dose of chondroitin not only provided symptom relief but also slowed the degeneration of knee cartilage. chondroitin is typically sold in a combination pill with glucosamine, another dietary supplement. the chondroitin used in the study was pharmaceutical grade, but the combination pills might be worth trying. it’s important to discuss with your doctor before taking chondroitin as some pre-existing conditions may cause serious side effects.
04•2016 | 39 Reade R ’s d igest
Marja-Liisa Tapaninen of Suonenjoki, Finland, now 64, had always been active. Walking, skiing, dancing—she loved it all. Even after a full day as a home-care worker, she’d often find time to head to the gym.
When her right knee began to ache, she didn’t change her routine. But soon after, OA struck her left knee as well. By 2007 both knees had become so painful she had to give up her evening walks.
Physiotherapy didn’t bring much relief. “I took hyaluronan injections in both knees, but to no avail,” says Marja-Liisa. Injections of this natural component of joint fluid, or of corticosteroids, are often recommended by doctors. While each person responds
mEdiCATionS To EASE THE ACHE
Most medicines prescribed for OA help with symptoms only. Often prescribed for temporary relief are nsAids: ibuprofen, naproxen and similar drugs. nsAids are the active ingredients in topical remedies such as voltarol gel and flurbiprofen lotion. these work without causing the stomach distress that can occur with pills, but even minuscule amounts can be poisonous to pets.
differently, steroid injections typically reduce symptoms for about a month or two, while hyaluronan’s effects may last longer.
By 2011, Marja-Liisa’s pain had become unbearable. “I had to use crutches.” She began to explore more radical options.
In November 2011, she had both knees replaced. “I started walking with a support the day after the operation, and my left knee got better right away.” The right one felt weak and needed follow-up surgery, but a year later Marja-Liisa was, if anything, more active than before.
Now retired, she takes long walks, skis, goes dancing with her husband and even takes Zumba lessons. Again doing physiotherapy to keep her muscles strong, Marja-Liisa says she’s extremely happy. “I’m living the time of my life. And I can exercise as much as I wish.”
newer techniques make it possible for patients to use their new joints relatively quickly after surgery. But artificial joints don’t last forever, so doctors often try to delay such surgeries, especially in younger people, until absolutely necessary.
“We’ve been able to reduce the age at which we say it’s safe to have this surgery,” says Dr Shearwood McClelland, director of orthopedic surgery, Harlem Hospital, New York. In some, the replacement joint can last “20, 25 or 30 years”. Artificial hips typically last
04•2016 | 41 Reade R ’s d igest
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longer than knee replacements. But, says Dr McClelland, surgery should be the last alternative.
Three treatments under development hold hope for the future.
Stem cells: As with PRP, cells are taken from the person’s body, typically from bone marrow or fat tissue. In studies—treatment hasn’t yet been perfected or approved—these cells appear to “slow down the body’s inflammatory reaction”, says Dr Strauss. “They also have the potential both to block further damage and regenerate new cartilage.”
But Professor Lohmander cautions
that unscrupulous practitioners are already advertising untested treatments using stem cells. “The evidence for these treatments being effective is essentially non-existent,” he says. The dangers of infection or complications at unregulated facilities, however, are very real.
Biomedical engineering of new cartilage: “I envision a time when we don’t replace a total joint,” says Dr McClelland. Instead, he sees surgeons in the not-too-distant future transplanting new cartilage that’s grown
in a lab using the patient’s own cells.
Although no one has yet perfected bio-engineered cartilage that can both adhere to the natural bone and withstand the stress we place on our joints, several research facilities are working to develop it.
Personalised medicine: Dr Strauss’s research in this area focuses on preventing OA from developing after an injury to a ligament—the tough band of tissue that holds together a joint. Even when the ligament is successfully treated, “ten to 20 years later, about 60 to 70 per cent will develop arthritis”, says Dr Strauss.
If there’s any imbalance in the cocktail of enzymes that the body rushes to the injury, it can damage cartilage. The imbalance might be different in each patient, but once identified, he says, doctors should be able to correct it and stop OA before it starts.
t he older we get, the greater the risk we’ll get osteoarthritis. But people with OA have a number of good treatment options available today—and even better ones might be just around the corner.
1) vending machines kill four times as many people as sharks per year.
3) collectively, all the bacteria on your body weighs about four pounds.
2) the average four-year-old child asks 400 questions per day.
SourCE: FACTSLidES.Com
04•2016 | 43 Reade R ’s d igest TH r EE B i ZA rr E FACTS AB ou T F our S
Can You Keep Dementia At Bay?
Susannah is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature
There’s no cure for demen T ia, which affects 850,000 people in the UK. But recent research suggests you might be able to help prevent it—or improve your cognitive powers if you’re worried they’re fading.
Go bAck To coLLEGE A recent Australian study found that nearly 90 per cent of older volunteers who were tested before and after a year or more of full- or part-time study had significantly increased cognitive capacity.
conTroL diAbETEs Having poor blood-sugar control makes dementia 50 per cent more likely, according to a Swedish study of 250,000 people with type 2 diabetes. Help yourself by losing weight if necessary and eating a healthy, Mediterranean-style diet to avoid the disease in the first place.
bE A HEALTHy wEiGHT Being overweight increases your dementia risk—but so does being too skinny. In a recent study, people who were underweight in middle age were a third more likely to be diagnosed with dementia later in life.
GET EnouGH viTAmin d Low levels are a dementia-risk factor, so get out in the sunshine for 15 minutes daily when you can and eat more oily fish, eggs and fortified cereals.
| 04•2016 44 HEALTH
b y sus A nn AH H ick L in G
kEEp fiT Regular exercise from midlife onwards can help ward off mental decline. Aim for 20–30 minutes of sustained activity most days. Brisk walking and gardening count!
curb cHoLEsTEroL Raised levels from middle age onwards makes dementia more likely. One more good reason to eat more healthily and get active. If necessary, take statins.
sLEEp on your sidE Research from Stony Brook University in New York suggested that sleeping on your side helps to clear waste products from the brain that can lead to Alzheimer’s.
TAckLE HEArinG Loss The greater your hearing loss, the greater your risk of dementia. Becoming socially isolated might play a part. So if you’re going deaf, consider a hearing aid.
Quack Q uestion
QI’m about to do a spring clean. Which is healthier, bleach or vinegar?
AVinegar. Studies find a straight five-per-cent solution of vinegar —found in supermarkets—kills 99 per cent of bacteria, 82 per cent of
mould and 80 per cent of viruses. Bleach does a great job too, but it irritates the lungs and eyes and contains trace quantities of organochlorines—persistent and toxic chemical compounds known to cause cancer in animals.
04•2016 | 45
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Call A Halt To Hay Fever
’Tis the season to be sneezin’, but these three steps should help alleviate your allergies:
1 m anage your own symp T oms with over-the-counter medication. Try antihistamines—the sort that won’t make you drowsy. To find the one that works best, use one product every day over two to three weeks. If it doesn’t relieve symptoms—people respond differently to medications— do a two-week trial with another one. Salt-water nasal rinses help too.
2 s ee a doc T or. If over-thecounter treatments don’t work, your GP should be able to prescribe something that will give you better relief. If your allergy is extreme, your doctor might even refer you to an allergy clinic.
3 Take a T esT. Usually, if your nose gets bunged up and your eyes start running at the same time of year, you can safely assume you have hay fever. But if your allergy goes on for months, it might not be clear what your problem is. A blood test could help identify what’s making your life a misery, putting you in a better position to avoid the allergen and minimise medication. Visit allergyuk.org for information.
e at this, get that
1 yELLow pEppErs
Get that: radiant complexion
One yellow pepper contains more than double your daily vitamin C requirement.
One study even suggests eating lots of these may lead to fewer wrinkles.
2 fATTy fisH
Get that: head-to-toe glow
Wild salmon, sardines and mackerel are some of the best sources of omega-3 fatty acids, boosting skin’s firmness and elasticity.
04•2016 | 47
© m onkey Bus I ness Images/shu TT ers T ock
Monitor Your Blood Pressure At Home
Get around white-coat syndrome— where your blood pressure shoots up when the nurse puts that cuff around your arm—and get a better overall picture of your levels by buying your own monitor. But if you have hypertension (when your blood pressure is consistently more than 140/90) you should see your doctor.
Blood Pressure UK recommends a digital monitor for ease of use and one that measures blood pressure in your upper arm, rather than a wrist or finger. The right-sized cuff is also important. For more advice and a suitable list of monitors, go to bloodpressureuk.org
Benign prostatic hyperplasia affects a quarter of men by the age of 55. Difficulty peeing or needing to go often, but worried that drug treatment or surgery could make you impotent? you’re not alone. In a recent survey, 42 per cent of British men aged 50plus said they’d delay treatment for that very reason.
But the good news is that nIce has just recommended a new minimally invasive treatment. and, unlike drugs and surgery, the new urolift system preserves sexual function. It involves placing tiny permanent implants in the urethra to hold back the enlarged prostatic tissue, making it easypeasy to pee. It can be done as a day case under local anaesthetic— so instead of running to the loo, perhaps you should think about running to the doctor. Find out more at urolift.co.uk
e at this, get that
3 EGGs
Get that: shiny hair
Our hair is mainly made up of protein, and eating just two eggs provides around 25 per cent of your recommended daily intake.
4 ALmonds
Get that: smooth nails
These nuts are packed full of magnesium— a key nutrient for nail resilience. They’re also full of protein, crucial for healthy nails.
| 04•2016 48
wEE improvEmEnT
mEn’s HEALTH: A
h eal T h
The Challenges Of Childbirth
By max pem B erton
Max is a hospital doctor, author and newspaper columnist
The birT h of a baby is a miracle. Not so much that life has been created, but rather that something so big has come out of somewhere so small.
My spatial awareness isn’t great at the best of times, but I clearly remember when studying obstetrics and gynaecology at medical school being convinced that there had been a serious design error somewhere along the way. Surely, I asked my professor, that (pointing at the plastic baby lying in front of me) wasn’t supposed to fit through that (pointing at the plastic vagina peering up at me from the table).
Sure enough, with a bit of pushing and pulling and the occasional whack on the edge of the table, I demonstrated that the baby did indeed fit through. Hooray, I’ve delivered a cabbage patch doll, I thought, getting all emotional.
T he following week I stood excitedly in the maternity ward, waiting to assist in my first birth. I was introduced to Rhiannon, who had agreed for me to help deliver her baby, and who looked very pregnant to me. This, I reasoned, was probably a good sign. But she wasn’t panting or puffing or screaming. She was reading Vogue. Giving birth: what a doddle, I thought. Rhiannon was an architect and had decided to give birth without any medical intervention.
“Just some tincture from my herbalist,” she said as her husband helped her focus her chakra, or something. “I want this to be entirely natural.”
| 04•2016 50 H ea Lt H
I thought this was rather a noble desire, although I was finding it hard to forget the difficulty I’d had passing the plastic baby through the plastic vagina. But thought it better not to mention this at the present stage.
“I mean, in the olden days they did it without these machines and drugs,” she added. “And most of the world still just squat down and give birth.”
The midwife, who was from Nigeria, rolled her eyes.
Twelve hours later, the tranquil scene had changed. Rhiannon pulled my face close to hers. “Get me a blooming anaesthetist. Now!” The lavender oil clearly hadn’t worked. Having capitulated and taken gas and air after only a few hours, she was pleading for an epidural by the time the anaesthetists arrived.
as a male, I feel slightly uneasy about passing judgement on something that, thank goodness, I’m never going to have to go through myself. I’m aware of the arguments against the medicalisation of birth and I’m relieved that birth is now increasingly seen as a normal biological event, through which the woman should retain autonomy.
But equally I don’t like the idea that women have somehow “failed” if they need an epidural, pain relief or a caesarean. Having seen the size of what Rhiannon gave birth to, I’m not surprised she demanded an epidural. I respected Rhiannon’s decision to try without pain relief, and I respected it when she changed her mind. I felt like having an epidural just watching. It’s a miracle I didn’t pass out.
Illustrat I on By cl I ff m I lls 04•2016 | 51
Alcohol Warms You Up
WHere DID tHe mytH Come From?
We all know the scene: the intrepid explorer is stuck in an avalanche halfway up a mountain. Hypothermia is starting to set in. The situation is dire. Then, miraculously, a St Bernard dog appears with a little barrel of brandy round his neck to save the man.
In truth, the brandy will make the situation worse. It isn’t warmth we’re experiencing when we swallow strong alcoholic drinks, just the effect of alcohol on the delicate lining of the gullet. And if consumed in freezing
temperatures, alcohol actually makes you more prone to hypothermia.
WHat’S tHe trUtH?
Alcohol causes “vasodilation”—it makes the blood vessels in the body dilate. This means the vessels that supply the skin get bigger, moving blood nearer to the surface. Although this might briefly give us a flush of warmth, it actually causes us to lose heat from our bodies as heat is lost through the skin. One of the ways the body tries to conserve core heat when we’re cold is by reducing the blood flow to the skin—by drinking alcohol, we’re actually reversing this.
So, WHat’S tHe anSWer?
In fact, it’s also a myth that St Bernard dogs carried brandy. They did help people stuck in snowstorms, but they did this by lying next to them and transferring their body heat to the person. After conserving body heat yourself, the next best way of keeping warm is to huddle together, as this allows the heat lost from one person to transfer to the next.
Illustrat I on By D a VID H um PH r IE s | 04•2016 52 H ea Lt H
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By Ro SE S h EP ha R d
Spiritual sustenance, a social hobby and perhaps one day a national sport—here’s why bell-ringing chimes with thousands
INSPIRE
54 illu S trationS by kate miller
f orget i ron Maiden. f orget Black Sa BBath: bells are the world’s loudest musical instruments. They have an audience of millions, can weigh as much as an elephant, and the people who ring them have by far the best time.
“Look to!” calls Belinda. “Treble’s going. She’s gone.” Then above our heads the sound cascades, as church bells send bronze shudders out into the night.
It's a Tuesday practice session in the ringing room at medieval St Laurence in Thanet. To get to the bell tower we cross a roof valley between chancel and north aisle, ducking in through a vaulted hobbit door. The small, slightly scruffy space has the ethos of a clubhouse, the walls plastered with photos, notices and memorabilia. But at the centre, in a circle, ten ropes hang to the floor.
Tower captain Freda Parker, whose day job is in insurance, has such enthusiasm for bell-ringing that she’d inspire anyone to give it a go. And it sounds straightforward. The bell starts “mouth up”, held in place by a timber stay. When you start to ring, it completes two revolutions, first one way (a “handstroke”), then the other (“backstroke”).
But when Freda urges me to try it—showing me how to give the rope a firm tug then to clasp my hands to the sally, or where I think the sally will be—I keep muffing the catch. This might be child’s play, but I’m no child. Still, when I hear a sonorous “dong” in the belfry, I feel a thrill of pride. I did that!
if you know your Plain Bob Minors from your Grandsire Doubles, you’re probably one of the 40,000 initiates across the British Isles who have discovered the joys of change ringing, in which music is created by ringing tuned bells in varying orders.
If you’re not but would like to be, find a band in a church near you. You’ll be given tuition and become part of a tradition dating from the 17th century, when bells that had survived the Dissolution of the Monasteries were rehung in churches, with new ringing technology.
“This ringing isle,” Handel called Britain when he settled here in 1712, for nowhere else in Europe will you hear the like.
To cause a bell to ring precisely when you want it to demands concentration. You can see it in the ringers’ faces, in their expressions of rapt engrossment. This is a great brain-body workout. Ringing gets the synapses firing, it improves balance, agility, co-ordination and cognitive skills. Reaching up tones the core abdominals and glutes. The downward pull works the biceps,
| 04•2016 56 the joy of bell S
quads and calves. So, advises Freda, if you’re worried about those bingo wings, take up ringing.
Forget the stereotype of middleaged, middle-class church stalwarts, piously hauling away. Ringers come from all backgrounds and age groups, from around ten years old, through teens and twenties, to their nineties. You don’t even have to be a worshipper. “Ringers are the most welcoming people,” Freda laughs. “If you turn up at a tower and say, ‘I’m a ringer,’ they say, ‘Great! What can you ring?’ ”
Recreation, avocation, antidote to stress, a chance to learn and to serve, hobby or life-long journey...ringing has so many benefits. When you join a band you enter an extended community with its own body, The Central Council of Church Bell Ringers (CCCBR), and journal, The Ringing World. You have a passport to any tower in the UK where changes are rung, and in those parts of the world to which English-style ringing has spread. Ringers show up with alacrity, not just for Sunday services, but for Christmas, New Year, weddings and funerals (“any excuse”, says Freda).
Forget the stereotype of middle-aged, church stalwarts piously hauling away
Expect lots of exuberant clangour for the Queen’s 90th birthday this month, and again for her official birthday in June. Church attendance may be falling, but no way are this lot tolling the knell of passing day. there’S co-operation and goodnatured rivalry between neighbouring churches. At St Stephen’s, Hackington, near Canterbury, tower captain Adam Redgwell shows off a cup presented to his band at an annual six-bell call-change competition. Adam was an inspector with the Metropolitan Police before starting a gardening business. He loves the teamwork of ringing, as he loved it in the Met—loves, too, the bells themselves, magnificent artefacts, beautifully crafted, steeped in superstition.
Many bells have dedicated names. They are “the voice of the past”, as the poet Longfellow wrote, often centuries old —such as the five bells of St Lawrence, Ipswich, cast in the 1440s, which would have been heard by butcher’s son Thomas Wolsey before he became, at his peril, a cardinal and first minister to Henry VIII.
Among Adam’s team tonight are
R E ad ER ’ S dI g ES t 04•2016 | 57
James Futcher, 13, veterans Donald and Ruth Niblett, and “M”, a researcher in his early forties, who’s steeple keeper not just here but at Canterbury Cathedral and nearby St Dunstan’s.
M extols the social side of ringing. “When I moved to Canterbury,” he says, “I knew no one except my other half.” Then he joined the ringers and “within a fortnight I had 30 friends”. Once upon a time, bell ringers were paid in beer. Today they do it for love, and customarily reward themselves afterwards with a visit to the local pub. Extra-mural activities might include a barbecue or a visit to Whitechapel Bell Foundry. The St Stephen’s summer outing takes in visits to four or five towers, with lunch along the way.
learned when she was 60,” says Ruth. “She rang until she was 90, so we got 30 years of ringing out of her.”
Ringing evidently runs in families. James caught the bug from his grandfather, an accomplished ringer in Worthing. The Nibletts’ two children, and two of their grandchildren, ring as well.
Ringing really improves your strength. Why go off to a gymnasium when you can do this for free?
James and Ruth, sitting companionably together, watch and listen with absorption. When James gets up for a spot of solo bell handling, there is general delight at his progress. He’s been ringing for only five months, but children learn fast. Older beginners take longer, though everyone gets it eventually. “A former work colleague
Donald first took up ringing at 13, soon after the Second World War, following the example of his older brother, who’d joined the ranks of ringers at a Gloucestershire village after a wartime ban on ringing church bells was lifted on Easter Sunday 1943.
Ruth started, by comparison, “a bit late”, and was taught by her brothers at Rye in Sussex. Then one of them went up to Oxford and got to know Donald, a fellow student, through the university ringers. “So I had heard of him long before I met him,” she says. “That was when I went to work in Oxford. I’m a physiotherapist. My posture nowadays is bad because I have osteoporosis, but I always feel better after ringing. It really improves your upper-body strength. I say to people, why go off to a gymnasium
the joy of bell S | 04•2016 58
when you can do this for free?”
There are some who are even calling for bellringing to be classified as a national sport, though the CCCBR opposes the idea as it doesn’t want to compromise its relationship with church bodies.
St Stephen’s Church in Canterbury; (right) Ruth was taught to ring by her brothers
while S o M e ringer S are content to have basic skills, others become hugely proficient. James, like his grandad, will go far. A former chorister at the cathedral, he plans to be a freelance musician. I ask, is there one particular tower where
he’d like to ring? “Liverpool Cathedral,” he replies promptly. “It’s really, really weird. It’s so high, you go up in a lift and you stand on a bench round a sandpit.” Indeed, the belfry at Liverpool houses the highest and heaviest ringing peal in the world. In 2008, its array of 12 giants bonged out “Imagine” over John Lennon’s home city, that year’s Capital of Culture.
Liverpool’s tenor bell, “Emmanuel”, weighs 80cwt—about the same as a couple of white rhinos. And though the weightiest bells are assigned to the strongest, technique in ringing
04•2016 | 59 left P hoto : Ste P hen b arker
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St Laurence Church in Thanet; (right) many church bells are centuries old
is more important than strength.
All bell-ringers acquire a peculiar acuity they call “ropesight”. “If I hold up four fingers,” says Ruth, demonstrating, “you don’t need to count.” No, but to keep track of five, seven, 11 ropes, alongside your own, is surely far more testing.
names in tower visitors’ books. “We rang a peal together in Croydon,” says Kate, “then I didn’t see him for a while. We were young, we dated other people.” Finally, in 1984, they met up once more, in Derbyshire, and married a year later—with a full peal for their wedding, of course.
Today both ring at All Saints, Kingston, where Paul is tower captain. “A ringing chamber is a very accepting environment,” says Kate. And so I’ve found.
All the ringers I’ve met have been wonderfully warm and responsive, Freda and Adam so accommodating and generous.
Like the Nibletts, many couples have met through ringing. When I ask Kate Flavell, PR for the CCCBR, if she personally knows of others, she says, in effect, “Look no further.” Kate began ringing as a child in Surrey, and first rang with her husband Paul in the Seventies, when he and friends from Sheffield came to Surrey University. Years passed in which they would see each other’s
I walk out of St Stephen’s feeling elated. The night sky is full of stars, the cold air full of music. I shall never again hear church bells in full cry without remembering that there's someone up there working the rope. How great to be one of them!
For more information on bell-ringing and to find a band near you, visit cccbr.org.uk
04•2016 | 61 R E ad ER ’ S dI g ES t P hoto S by r everend a ndrew j acob S on
Mature Dating Myths Debunked
THERE ARE A NUMBER OF FACTORS that deter us from getting back into the dating pool. It can be a daunting idea at any age, and one we may feel forced into by well-meaning (if pushy) friends.
The demoralising myths lurking behind the so-called mature-dating scene only serve to exacerbate this dread. Here are a few we’ve debunked for you:
THEY MUST BE DESPERATE
Just because they’re single now doesn’t mean they’re over-eager to meet anyone. Life throws us multiple reasons to take charge of our love lives that have nothing to do with validating our own self-worth. Our careers can often take precedent over dating until we reach a certain age, for example. Which brings us to the next myth:
THEY’LL BE MARRIED TO THEIR JOB
Perhaps it’s a good idea to look at your own situation here and realise
you may be in a similar position. But if you’re both looking to get back into dating, chances are you’re ready to change up your routine and make room for romance.
THEY MUST HAVE A FEAR OF COMMITMENT
Perhaps they’re thinking the same about us. Yet just because we’re single right now doesn’t mean we want to be forever. The reasons their previous relationships didn’t work out might be the same reasons you’ll get along swimmingly.
THERE AREN’T ANY SINGLES LEFT
There are over 7 million single men and about 6 million single women over 40 in the UK. It’s just simple maths that at least one of those will be a catch for you. Statistically, if you live near a main transport link, there are over 2,000 single men and 1,800 single women within a 40-mile radius. And that’s just the ones looking for love online.
PARTNERSHIP PROMOTION
So why not brush up your online profile and see who’s out there for you? The Reader’s Digest Dating site has a simple four-step registration process. Go to readersdigestdating.co.uk
1. Create a profile for free
2. Find a match for free
3. Pay an a ordable membership
4. Start chatting to your match right away!
What are you waiting for?
INSPIRE
f I o N a h I ck S & M E g Da I l E y
Service By
Stations Best Of British
Forget the standard roadside stop-offs— these rejuvenating places are a destination in their own right
65
Brockholes Nature Reserve Services
M6, PRESToN
“Our service station is different to any other service station you’re going to stop at on any of the motorways in the UK,” says manager Alan Right.
He’s not lying. Brockholes is distinctive in that the whole facility floats on a 4,000-foot pontoon in the middle of a lake. Owned by the Wildlife Trust, the focus here isn’t so much mid-journey sarnies, but showcasing the brilliance of the 107-hectare wetland and woodland reserve. Visitors can spy Sand Martin birds from the purpose-built hides, take a stroll round the Gravel Pit trail (only a 30-minute walk and suitable for pushchairs) and visit favourite fictional characters in The Wind in the Willows woods.
What’s more, there’s a bakery on site—so you can reward yourself with the “cake of the week” after a walk.
■ Visit brockholes.org for details
Gloucester Services is the only family-run motorway service station on the UK road network
Gloucester Services
M4, BRook ThoRPE
Ordinarily, the most you can expect of service-station food is a lukewarm fast-food burger, a limp salad or sugar-filled packaged goods (and that’s if you’re lucky).
Not so at Gloucester Services.
Located in a county celebrated for its agriculture, this service station
| 04•2016 66 best o F british
puts local produce at the fore. The farm shop offers regional cheeses, the cafe serves up some of the best home-made cake around, and even the sushi is made using goods from the local fishmonger. Best of all, however, are the wild-boar sausage rolls. These are prepared at a farm just a few miles down the road, and two per cent of each sale is donated
to charity—so you can indulge in a second one guilt-free.
As demonstrated by its grassy roof, Gloucestershire Services also makes the most of the outdoors. Sit at one of their picnic tables, or spend a few moments at the pretty pond, before getting back on the road.
■ Visit gloucesterservices.com for details
R E a DER ’ S D I g EST 04•2016 | 67
Cairn Lodge Services
M74, DoUglaS
This was recently named the cheapest service station in the country, and that’s not even the best thing about it: adjoining the station is an authentic ancient fortress.
Douglas Castle is small and largely in ruins, but wandering around it makes for a thoroughly enjoyable way to stretch your legs. The structure has been there in various forms since the 13th century, and remained in the Douglas family until the 20th century.
The service station (formerly known as Happendon Services) was privately owned until 2014, when it was acquired by Westmorland, the farmer-family company behind the aforementioned Gloucester Services. Rumour suggests they haven’t made many changes—but they have made a point of ensuring the food is to their trademark top-notch standard.
■ Visit motorwayservicesonline. co.uk/happendon for details
Yorkshire Sculpture Park Service Station
M1, yoRkShIRE
Chances are you don’t associate a long-drive loo stop with a cultural opportunity. But why not? This Wakefield-based station could rival some of the nation’s best galleries, and—since you’re already driving somewhere—you don’t even have to go out of your way to see it.
The 500 acres of carefully managed parkland are home to open-air displays from some of the world’s finest artists. Walk along the trails
Yorkshire Sculpture Park contains numerous works by Henry Moore, among others
best o F british | 04•2016 68
and you’ll come across breathtaking sculptures, revitalising views…and even the odd sheep.
Also, everyone knows that a nice little perk of cultural attractions is visiting the cafe, and this sculpture park doesn’t disappoint. Here they serve excellent coffee and scones the size of elephants’ feet.
■ Visit ysp.co.uk for details
Cobham Services
M25, SURREy
Its proximity to fashionable London may be the one of the reasons behind this station’s sleekness. Costing an estimated £75m to build, it opened in 2012 to much fanfare.
The man-made lake and fountain set the tone as you enter, and its impressiveness doesn’t stop with its architectural design. There are, of course, the usual shops, picnic area and toilets…but there are also showers, a laundrette and even a hotel. It also has a host of eateries to choose from, not least the Carvery Express, which rustles together a surprisingly delicious roast dinner.
With the opportunity to clean yourself, feed yourself and plant yourself into a comfortable bed, you could feasibly stay for days. In fact, forget holiday destinations—here you can start enjoying your time off en route.
■ Visit extraservices.co.uk for details
R E a DER ’ S D I g EST 04•2016 | 69
Gre G bALF o U r e vA ns/A LAM y s to C k Photo
©
Stafford Service Station
M6, STaffoRDShIRE
Situated in a quiet corner of the midlands, this service station boasts one of the highest customersatisfaction ratings in the country. It’s easy to see why. Surrounding all the useful amenities (magazines aplenty in WHSmith, for example, plus hot cups of coffee from Costa) is a brilliantly rural scene. A stroll round the lakeside trail will have you forgetting about traffic in minutes— and the fresh air will diffuse any hint of lingering fumes.
There’s also a particularly wellstocked branch of M&S. Refreshed and with good humour restored, you may well find yourself sharing your food with the ducks.
■ Visit moto-way.com for details
Stafford Service Station comes complete with its own lake and fountain
| 04•2016 70 best o F british
The Rheged Centre
a66, cUMBRIa
The Rheged Centre isn’t technically a service station, but it’s close to the M6 and has a petrol filling station—so there’s no reason not to use it as one.
The Forest Shop here offers a carefully curated selection of goods, including wooden handcrafted toys, clothes and even barbecues. The centre regularly hosts exhibitions to explore too, and if these inspire you to get creative, you can simply nip upstairs and buy some paint from the Gallery Shop.
Even better, since being cooped up in the car always seems to lead to overly energetic kids, the soft-play
area will be a welcome break for parents and kids alike. If they’re seriously in need of some time out of the car seat, there’s even a 3D cinema on site.
■ Visit rheged.com for details
have you stopped off at a brilliant service station? Email readersletters
@readersdigest.co.uk and let us know!
04•2016 | 71 R E a DER ’ S D I g EST
Aldo Zilli, 60, is an award-winning restaurateur and chef. He has written ten books, including Being Zilli and My Italian Country Childhood, plus cookbooks sharing his signature Italian recipes.
If I Ruled the World Aldo Zilli
Children would get more involved in food. My kids go to a private school, very luckily for them. Nevertheless, they can’t tell the difference between a courgette and an aubergine. I’m extremely worried about the future of food education in this country. A lot of parents complain about schools, to be honest, but education should start at home. That’s where I’m coming from. A lot of British mums can’t cook, so that’s a problem. We need to get back to cooking schools— grown-ups before kids.
I’d tell people to appreciate what they have. When I was in Italy recently, I saw people trying to be more careful with money and be together more. Instead of three weeks’ holiday, they were having just one. My life has been up and down—some days I feel richer than others. But then, as long as I have food on the table and my family is fine, the rest I can do without. Even when I have money in the bank, it
INSPIRE | 04•2016 72
I llustr A ted by J A mes s m I t H
doesn’t mean I’m going to splash out on a Lamborghini. Rich people who have to wear their money are quite sad, and I know quite a few of them.
There would be more exercise places that didn’t cost a fortune. I’ve got a forest that I can’t do anything with— it’s just there. There are lots of places like it. Why don’t we transform them for children that don’t have gardens? There are a lot of kids in this country who are obese because they haven’t got anywhere to go.
I’d stop greedy landlords. I’ll never have another restaurant in the centre of London’s West End because people can charge you whatever they want. And there are companies—big-chain restaurants—that will pay that money. On my last day, after 30 years in Soho, this young kid came to get my keys and all she asked was, “Have you turned all the lights off?”
I got out when I could and I’m very glad I did. I don’t want to work 24 hours in a restaurant; it would kill me. I’ve lost a lot of friends—people who were in the business in the 1990s have died of stress or alcoholism.
We’d welcome having kids around. Unfortunately, in this country people will do anything to get rid of their children, and they aren’t allowed in so many places, which is atrocious. We don’t take them to restaurants; they’re not allowed in pubs…because
of this, there are problems around not knowing what to order in a restaurant, or how to behave.
My eldest daughter was spoilt, but she came out to every single restaurant I went to from the age of ten, Michelin star or no Michelin star. So, as a result of that, she’s a great cook and a great food connoisseur.
I’d stop Premiership football clubs purchasing so many players from abroad. My son has just joined an academy in Brighton and I’ve seen so much talent between the age of eight and 13. I’d like to know why we can’t put a football team together.
People would be made more aware of the dangers of sugar. Supermarket chains need to be more active, like they were with cigarette packets. Sugar kills, so why not warn people?
Children would be taught more about business at school. Business studies should be an option as soon as they reach eight. I’m teaching my son because I don’t want him to think it’s all easy. I made that mistake with my first daughter—everything was on a plate for her. But you learn from your mistakes.
As told to Joy Persaud
Aldo is executive consultant chef for the San Carlo Group of restaurants, which includes Cicchetti Piccadilly and Covent Garden. Visit sancarlo.co.uk for details
04•2016 | 73
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY Your Majesty
Queen elizabeth ii celebrates her 90th birthday on april 21. our congratulations take the form of a quiz!
by doris kochanek
Photo: © P icture alliance / Photoshot
ins P ire 75
Questions
1. Ordinary mortals have one birthday. The Queen has two. In the hope of more clement weather, the official birthday celebrations take place on a Saturday in June. The high point of the festivities is an official parade. What’s it called?
a) Trooping the Colour
b) Beating Retreat
c) The Royal Maundy
2.
Ever since she was a child, Elizabeth has been very fond of animals—her corgis even turn up in official photographs. The Crown actually asserts the right of ownership for one species of bird. Which one?
a) ravens
b) swans
c) owls
3. Even the Queen has some leisure time at her disposal when she can devote herself to her hobbies. Which of these activities does she like best?
a) Scottish country dancing
b) archery
c) cricket
4. The likelihood of meeting the Queen is pretty remote. But if you ever did have the pleasure of being introduced to her, it would be best to know the correct form of address. What should you say?
a) Your Majesty
b) Ma’am
c) There’s no prescribed form of address
5. The Queen never attended school. She was tutored and prepared for her queenly duties at home. But Elizabeth did earn professional qualifications in one sector. Which?
a) nursing
b) driving
c) flying
6. Elizabeth also functions as “head” of the Commonwealth. In which country in this community of states did Elizabeth actually live for a short time when she was a young woman?
a) Canada
b) Jamaica
c) Malta
7. State visits, receptions, garden parties—one of the Queen’s accomplishments is the ability to converse naturally with people from all over the world. What other language besides English does she speak fluently?
a) French
b) German
c) Spanish
76
8. Most of the castles and palaces in which Elizabeth and other members of the royal family reside belong to the Crown and aren’t the Queen’s private property. Which of these great houses does she actually own herself?
a) Windsor Castle
b) Kensington Palace
c) Balmoral Castle
9. The Duke of Edinburgh is the love of her life. But as with all couples, Elizabeth and Philip don’t always see eye to eye. At a state visit to Australia in 1954 there were press reports of a heated row between the two of them. How did the Queen express her dudgeon?
a) She referred to her husband loudly as an idiot
b) She refused to sit next to him at an evening reception
c) She threw a shoe at him
10.
Movies have been made about parts of Elizabeth’s life. Which of these actresses won an Oscar for her portrayal of the Queen?
a) Kate Winslet
b) Helen Mirren
c) Emma Thompson
77 P h otos: © Getty i ma G es
1a Beating Retreat is a pageant of music and military drill. It takes place twice a year, on the Wednesday and Thursday before the birthday parade Trooping the Colour. During a service on Maundy Thursday, the Queen distributes Royal Maundy coins to deserving senior citizens.
2b In Britain all unmarked mute swans in open water belong to the Crown. In practice, Elizabeth only claims ownership of those swans living along certain sections of the Thames and its tributaries.
3a Every year, the Queen hosts country dancing events at Balmoral. Those invited include neighbours, locals and employees of the estate.
4c Although there’s technically no prescribed form of address, tradition requires “Your Majesty” at the introduction itself and “Ma’am” in further course of the conversation.
5b In 1945 Elizabeth joined the Auxiliary Territorial Service, where she underwent training as a driver.
6c In 1949, Elizabeth, then still a princess, followed her husband to the Mediterranean where
he was serving as a navy officer. The couple lived there until 1951.
7a The care and upbringing of Elizabeth and her sister Margaret were entrusted to a long list of people, including governesses who spoke French with the princesses.
8c Elizabeth owns Balmoral in Scotland and traditionally spends part of the summer there.
9c According to one biographer, Elizabeth later apologised for her unseemly behaviour.
10b
Helen Mirren won an Academy Award in 2007 for her portrayal of the Queen. She’d already been elevated to the status of Dame of the British Empire in 2003 for her services to the arts.
78
© Po PP erfoto/Getty i ma G es
answers Photo:
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travel & adventure
Emerging from the horrors of the 1990s war, the city has rebuilt and restored its hope for the future
By r eif l arsen
LivingSarajevo’sHistory
LLast June, at the end of a Long day, I found myself wandering down the Ferhadija, a 16th-century pedestrian way that runs through Old Town Sarajevo. On warm evenings the walkway resembles a river of humanity—people come out to take in the rhythms of the city as children dart between legs, young lovers stroll arm in arm and the distant heave of an accordion echoes down an alleyway.
The Ferhadija begins at the Second World War memorial on Marshal Tito Street (Ulica Maršala Tita) and moves east, backwards through time: the concrete Socialist-era buildings give way to the elaborate pastels and corniced facades of the city’s Austro-Hungarian period, before finally ending in the Bašcaršija , the old Ottoman district, where you walk past serene courtyards filled with Muslim worshipers, the hush of a centuriesold public fountain and stalls selling spices, traditional copper coffee pots and cevapi—a truly glorious meat-in-a-pita concoction.
This collision of past and present lends the city a hyperreal texture, as if you’re walking through a postcard come to life. I’m amazed that Sarajevo isn’t overrun with more tourists, for while the city’s compact size makes it feel accessible, its collision of cultures gives it an air of mystery.
sat in one of the city’s many cafes. “To understand the soul of this city you must see how it runs west to east.” He began drawing a diagram of the city on the back of our bill. “It's a long bowl, you see? It's a touchable city.”
Mountains where I once played as a child, now they had become this place of death
One could make the case that Sarajevo has seen more tumultuous events in the last 150 years than any other city of its size: the handover from Ottoman to Austro-Hungarian rule; the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, which instigated the First World War; the rise and fall of fascism, the rise and fall of socialism; and a horrific war in the 1990s. To visit this beautiful, cosmopolitan city is to witness both our modern civilisation’s greatest sorrows and greatest triumphs.
“Sarajevo is a latitudinal city,” explained architect Amir Vuk-Zec as we
“We have too much history!” Bojan Hadžihalilovic told me. “We don’t know what to do with all our history!” Hadžihalilovic is a graphic designer and a former member of the TRIO collective. During the war, TRIO produced a series of now-famous
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saraj E vo's living history
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posters in which they inserted Sarajevo’s name into various designs: CocaCola, Absolut vodka, Edvard Munch’s “The Scream”.
It was one of many examples of Sarajevans’ humour and invention in the face of great suffering. “I would never want to live through that again,” Hadžihalilovic said. “But during the siege we were at our best as citizens.”
I f I rst fe LL under s ara J evo’s spell in 2008. In search of source material for a novel, I arrived in the city blurry-eyed and disorientated after a ten-hour train ride. To get my bearings, I traced the route of the River Miljacka to my hotel.
During my walk, the muezzin struck up the evening call to prayer. After a moment, these intonations were joined by a deep peal of church bells: an Orthodox wedding. This was the audio collage of a city that for centuries was constructed around the tenets of coexistence; a city where you’ll find a mosque, a Catholic church, an Orthodox church and a synagogue all within 300 yards of one another.
dropping an average of 300 shells a day and killing more than 11,000 people, according to the Research and Documentation Centre.
“These mountains where I once played as a child, now they had become this place of death,” explained Nihad Kreševljakovic as we shared a coffee from the top of one of Sarajevo’s skyscrapers. Kreševljakovic is the artistic director of the Sarajevo War Theatre, which was founded during the siege and now stages contemporary Bosnian productions.
I asked him why people would open a theatre in the middle of a siege, when many were without the most basic necessities. “During the war we had empirical proof that art and culture are as important as water and food,” he said. “The theatres were full of people. The audience risked their lives to see the show.”
DSuch cultural intermingling occurs against a dramatic backdrop of Dinarides mountains that border the city on three sides. These were the same mountains that once hosted the 1984 Winter Olympics, Sarajevo’s comingout party to the world. And these were the same mountains that, only eight years later, enabled the Bosnian Serb Army to encircle the city for 44 months,
uring that first evening in Sarajevo in 2008, I found myself standing in front of a oncegrand building now lying largely in ruins. A sign announced that an art exhibition was being held inside. This pseudo-Moorish building was the famous Vijecnica, or town hall, which became the national and university library of Bosnia and Herzegovina after the Second World War. On August 25, 1992, the library was shelled by the Bosnian Serb Army as part of a larger strategy to decimate the cultural legacy of Bosnian Muslims. The building
04•2016 | 83
r eader’s d igest
burned for three days; more than a million books were lost.
The Vijecnica exhibition turned out to be a retrospective of the late Croatian artist Edo Murtic , which included huge black-on-white canvases of skeletal army officers, their arms thrust in fascist salutes. To view Murtic’s work, you navigated past piles of rubble, past peeling plaster. I left the exhibition bewildered, tears in my eyes, forever smitten by the endurance of a structure erected and battered by humans.
Vijecnica’s restoration was finally completed in 2014, and I saw the result last summer. An unimaginable amount of work had gone into recreating the original design. The entire interior—culminating in the soaring atrium—had been hand-painted in a range of eye-popping colours, including vermilion, azure and gold.
Haris Pašovic , the installation consisted of 11,541 empty red chairs, each representing a Sarajevan lost in the war. Of the chairs, 643 were small, sized for a child.
“People were crying,” Pašovic said. “They would walk up and down and choose a chair and that would become the chair of someone lost. They left flowers or a message and by the end of the day all the chairs were filled.”
BToday, it’s increasingly difficult to find evidence of the siege: facades, once pockmarked with bullet holes, have been plastered over, and mortar craters are now becoming harder to spot as the city’s streets and pavements are repaved. Though Sarajevo isn’t large, with just over 400,000 residents, its limited geography means the urban centre is crowded, and buildings are too valuable to sacrifice.
Perhaps the most successful memorial project to date has been “Sarajevo Red Line”, held on April 6, 2012, to mark the 20th anniversary of the siege. Conceived by theatre director
osnia’s government was hastily created in 1995, a by-product of the Dayton Peace Accords that ended the war. To placate all sides, negotiators partitioned the country into the Republika Srpska, made up of primarily Bosnian Serbs, and the Federation of Bosnia and Herzegovina, made up primarily of Bosnian Muslims and Croats. The Bosnian presidency was turned into a tripartite body with a shifting chairmanship from each of the three ethnic groups.
The arrangement, which was meant to be temporary, has congealed into an inefficient and corrupt government. Ideological warfare among the three factions has prevented any kind of comprehensive strategy for the city’s redevelopment, including agreeing on a cohesive urban identity with which to draw in international tourists. All the same, visitors continue to come. According to a government study, tourism in the city rose by 25 per cent from 2014 to last year.
This administrative dysfunction was
| 04•2016 84 P hotos clockwis E : © c orbis; © Eric n athan/ a lamy ; © The New York Times
saraj E vo ' s living history
Clockwise from top left: the new Festina Lente bridge opposite the Fine Arts Academy; a coppersmith in the Sarajevo bazaar; Sarajevans on a terrace overlooking the Dinarides mountains
particularly evident when the National Museum of Bosnia and Herzegovina, which houses a world-class collection of artifacts from the region, was closed from 2012 to last year because of a lack of governmental support. It’s ironic that the museum, housed in four neoRenaissance pavilions built in 1888, largely survived the shelling during the siege only to be shuttered in peacetime by administration.
The National Museum is situated in a neighbourhood called Marijin Dvor that marks the transition from Sarajevo’s old town in the east to the sprawl of new Sarajevo in the west. As
such it contains a collision of buildings from past and present, including two new sleek-yet-anonymous shopping malls; the rebuilt Bosnian parliament; the new fortress-like US embassy; as well as the Historical Museum—a 1958 modernist structure that resembles a white cube floating above a platform of glass. It houses the city’s only permanent exhibition on life during the siege, featuring many brilliantly improvised tools (a torch made of a hand-cranked bicycle light, for example) donated by local citizens.
The key to Sarajevo’s future is the persistence of individuals such as
sojourn in sarajevo
AttrActions the 1993 sarajevo tunnel, a lifeline linking the city with bosnian-held territory during the war, is open daily at tuneli 1 street. Enjoy the countryside by taking a tram to ilidža station, then going by foot or horse carriage two miles to the Bosna river springs in the mount igman foothills. a magnificent roman bridge is nearby.
Dining try ćevapčiči (grilled meat), pite (phyllo dough with various stuffings) and čorbe (thick meat-and-vegetable broth) at one of the small, inexpensive restaurants at baščaršija. aščinica hadžibajrić, the oldest one there, is at Ćurčiluk veliki 59 (+387 33 536 111).
LoDging Isabegov hamam hotel, old city, with hand-crafted furniture and handmade carpets in ottoman style. check before booking if their turkish bath (built in 1462) is open again after renovations. from €60 to €90 per night for a double. hotel Michelle, a less than a mile from the old city, is rustic and quirky, with large rooms and baths, friendly staff. rooms start at €85. —Vida Voglar
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saraj E vo's living history
Hašimbegovic and Red Line-creator Haris Pašovic . It’s this same persistence and ingenuity that allowed people to function during the war with limited or no electricity, water, heat or food; to risk their lives to attend candlelit theatre shows; to bend but never to break. And it’s this same persistence and ingenuity that give the city its air of buoyant survivalism today.
But there are also Sarajevans born during or after the war who are moulding the city inspired, not burdened, by the pull of history. One of the most dramatic examples can be seen in the Festina Lente pedestrian bridge, completed in 2012, which spans the River Miljacka directly in front of the Academy of Fine Arts. The gravity-defying loop-de-loop of aluminium and steel was designed by three students from the academy.
“The bridge is a bridge, but in the Bosnian tradition it’s also a gateway that you must pass through,” said Bojan Kanlic, 29, one of the designers. It has become a beloved symbol of
new Sarajevo. On warm afternoons you’ll find students, tourists and pensioners lounging inside its helixed gateway. “We have no money here, but we have plenty of time,” Kanlic , said. “So we drink lots of coffee and talk about everything we hope to do.”
o n my L ast n I ght I n the c I ty, as I made my final lap down the Ferhadija, I couldn’t help but feel optimistic for Sarajevo’s future. For all of its rich history, this is a story that’s being written in the present tense.
A non-governmental organisation has placed a compass rose on the Ferhadija with the words: “Sarajevo: Meeting of Cultures.” Visitors are encouraged to spin a rotating arrow that will point them in the direction they should head next. I gave the arrow a spin and followed its instruction, gliding back into the steady stream of people heading from east to west, west to east, from the uncertainties of the past to the open promises of the future.
lonely -H earts laug H s
we all know a gsoh is attractive...(as seen in They Call me Naughty Lola):
“not everyone in this column is a deranged, cross-dressing sociopath. let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.”
“romance is dead. so is my mother. man, 42, inherited wealth.”
“list your ten favourite albums...I just want to know if there's anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward-thinking man, 35.”
04•2016 | 87
r eader’s d igest
co P yr I ght © The New York Times
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We’ve handpicked a lively collection of new books. These feature the best in literary fiction, crime thrillers, a moving tale by one of America’s finest writers, the latest from a Booker Prize winner and the master of spy fiction himself.
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John le Carré
The TV series everyone’s talking about is based on the dark espionage thriller by the king of the genre. Jonathan Pine welcomes Roper, “the worst man in the world”, into his luxury hotel.
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The Girl on the Train
Paula Hawkins
The literary sensation is out in paperback at last! Rear Window meets Gone Girl, in this engrossing psychological thriller, which is being adapted into a film starring Emily Blunt.
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what will you read next?
Where My Heart Used to Beat
Sebastian Faulks
A sweeping drama about the madness of war and the power of love from the author of Birdsong A British doctor longs for a woman he met while serving in Italy during World War.
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Maigret Sets a Trap Georges Simenon
The inspiration for ITV’s featurelength adaptation starring Rowan Atkinson! When someone starts killing women on the streets of Montmartre, Inspector Maigret finds himself confounded.
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The 3rd Woman
Jonathan Freedland
Journalist Madison Webb is obsessed with exposing lies and corruption in this terrifying thriller. But she never thought she would be investigating her own sister’s murder.
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By C at H y ada MS
My Great Escape: Greek Getaway
Vanessa Wildenstein finds a perfect family holiday on the island of Milos
Cathy has danced in Rio, been microlighting in South Africa and hiked the mountains of Oman
In the summer of 2014, my young children and I travelled to the island of Milos in Greece. Milos is one of the most beautiful islands in the Aegean—and with around 100 beaches and swimming spots, it was high on my list to visit.
Arriving at the island port of Adamas on Milos, we were greeted by an enthusiastic retired sea captain. We piled into his car and, after a short, slightly bumpy and scenic drive, we arrived in Pollonia, a lovely fishing village that would be our home for the next few days.
It was tiny and quaint with low, whitewashed houses and dusty corner shops. At Captain Zeppos Boutique Suites— our driver’s namesake—we were greeted warmly by Kyria Maria, the hotel owner and captain’s wife. We were given a high-ceilinged, light-filled blue room with an absolutely stunning sea view.
We dropped our bags, slipped on our bathing suits and headed for the beach. In Pollonia there are two beaches close by: one sandy and one stony. They were small but ideal for the children, who splashed and snorkelled around in the shallow water with glee.
| 04•2016 90 travel & adventure
© Martin M303/shutterstock / © Milan Gonda/shutterstock
The sandy beach was edged with a row of tavernas, where we ate most of our delicious lunches and dinners. But the most memorable meals were the fresh, locally sourced breakfasts that Kyria Maria served us on her hotel’s terrace.
Milos is perfect for a short family getaway, but if we had longer and the children were older, we would have loved to stop at the nearby islands of Sifnos and Serifos. There’s always next time!
■ ISland lIFe
easyJet flies from London Gatwick to Athens from £31.49pp one way (easyjet.com). A boat from Athens (Piraeus) to Milos takes around four hours (directferries.com).
Postcard From ...Bhutan
This landlocked Asian nation is still relatively untouched by tourism and is often called the happiest country in the world—with good reason. Now there’s a new way to see its incredible landscapes and monasteries: by helicopter. Launched last year, these deliver guests all over the country from the international airport. Back on terra firma, make sure to hike Bhutan’s towering mountains, delve into its crystal-clear waters or take part in its national sport—archery.
■ FlyInG In
Blue Poppy Tours and Treks offers an eight-day tour of Bhutan from £3,425pp, based on two sharing (020 7609 2029; bluepoppybhutan.com).
tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we include it on this page we’ll pay you £50. Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us
04•2016 | 91
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Things To Do This Month
Beijing in two minutes
■ Do: hI stor I c Be I jI n G The Chinese capital has historic squares, palaces and temples at every turn. UK visitors now benefit from a twoyear, multi-entry visa, so you’ll have longer to explore Beijing’s huge Forbidden City and epic Tiananmen Square (english.visitbeijing.com.cn).
■ WAL k: h uton G s The narrow alleyways that thread through some of Beijing’s oldest neighbourhoods, hutongs are framed with traditional courtyard houses. The best way to explore them is to rent a bike and get lost cycling around—before wolfing down a huge bowl of cheap noodles.
■ stAy: t he oPP os I te h ouse
Focused on art and design, there’s a rotating art installation in the lobby, while rooms and suites are bright with free-standing wooden baths. Rooms start from £190 a night (+86 10 6417 6688; oppositehouse.com).
s hort/ long haul: summer sun s hort: costa navarino
This month, British Airways starts flying a direct twiceweekly summer service to Kalamata. Come for unspoiled beaches, green hillsides and—of course—olives.
Sovereign is offering seven-night trips from £1,199pp (01293 731 937; costanavarino.com).
Lon G: Puerto rico
This Caribbean island has a rich history and coral reefs perfect for diving. Norwegian Airlines now offers a direct flight from London Gatwick to San Juan, the capital (norwegian.com; 0330 828 0854).
travel app OF tHe MOntH
Lonely Planet Guides, free, ios and Android, lonelyplanet.com/ guides. This includes 38 cities, such as New York, Paris and Rome, with an average of 1,000 suggestions of what to visit in each.
| 04•2016 92 travel & adventure
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“We Give Them
A Second Chance”
A lone hospital in Jordan is a refuge for the war-wounded across the region— and a place to repair both limbs and lives
words and
photographs
by craig s tennett
94
Jean-Paul Tohme, project co-ordinator for the MSF Hospital in Jordan
In the marka district of amman, sitting undisturbed on a hillside in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, is Médecins Sans Frontières’ (Doctors Without Borders) Specialised Hospital for Reconstructive Surgery.
First established in 2006 as a surgical project within the Jordanian Red Crescent—caring for war victims from Iraq—it’s broadened its mandate to receive patients from the Gaza Strip, Yemen and now Syria. In September last year, it opened new premises at the Al Mowasah Hospital, a fully fledged medical facility devoted solely to reconstructive surgery, physiotherapy and psychological support for victims of war.
“At this hospital we start again. We give them a second chance”, says JeanPaul Tohme, a Lebanese-born French national and project co-ordinator for the Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) Hospital. It’s early morning and JeanPaul is sipping cardamom-flavoured coffee while he outlines the distinctive character of the Al Mowasah: “Our patients aren’t hot cases [referring to immediate surgery to save lives], but what we call ‘cold cases’. They’re patients in need of the things we offer to allow them to live again.
“Most are Iraqi or Syrian,” he continues. “They’re traumatised already by what they’ve witnessed in their long journey to safety here in Jordan. At the initial point of contact with the wounded, no one has the means to do
more than patch them up and hopefully save their lives. But here we’re all about rebuilding.”
testament to this is saha, a dignified and unassuming 35-year-old Syrian woman. While resting in one of MSF’s full-time accommodation rooms, Saha recounts the story that began in 2012, as her mother Amira sits patiently on an adjacent bed.
“Before the war, I was living a very simple life. I come from a comfortable middle-class family background and worked in a shopping mall. It was between seven and eight o’clock in the evening during Ramadan [observed by Muslims as a month of fasting from daybreak to sunset], and I was walking to my sister’s in the Kallaseh district of Aleppo when shells started to fall around me. I sought refuge in a house along the road with several other women and children.
“Within two minutes of being inside, one of the shells hit the house. The woman standing next to me was killed instantly; I received shrapnel wounds to my hand and legs, and broke three of my ribs. I remember a flash of light and an explosion; I could see my arm flapping about in front of me when I tried to move it. I was screaming, ‘My legs, my arm!’ but I didn’t pass out.
“I was eventually wrapped up in a blanket by other survivors and carried to the nearest clinic. Later, I was moved to the Al-Razi Hospital where surgeons tried to save my leg.”
“we give them A second ch A nce” | 04•2016 96
It’s been a long journey for Saha. She’s endured 19 operations trying to correct the damage done to her. She’s suffered infections that have complicated the healing process. The incorrect setting of her arm in Aleppo damaged the nerve endings in her fingers, inhibiting recovery. And, as if that wasn’t enough, her father was tragically killed by shellfire in Syria shortly after her own injury.
Saha has undergone 19 operations to save her leg and hand, which were injured by a shell explosion
to help restore normal walking. “I have no plans for my future apart from being able to walk again without a limp,” she says. “I want to live a life without pain.”
the msf hospital has received over 3,700 patients and undertaken 8,238 surgical procedures to date. It’s also conducted more than 134,000 physiotherapy appointments and more than 454,000 psychological sessions.
In the two months she’s been with MSF, she’s slowly returning to health. Physiotherapy is restoring functionality to her hand. Her left leg is being gradually extended a millimetre per day to reach parity with her right leg
But with the numerous wars in the Middle East—all with no end in sight— the hospital has a four-to-five-month waiting list for new admittances. As the intensity of the violence increases in Syria, Iraq, Gaza and Yemen, so does
04•2016 | 97
the caseload. As Marc Schakal, head of MSF in Jordan, said in a recent interview, “One hospital isn’t enough.”
Set away from the hospital’s main entrance, down a side corridor, is the Learning Room. Here’s where 29-year-old paediatric counsellor Talha AlAli tries to restore the shattered emotional lives of children. On first impression, the room is a place of happiness. Brightly coloured drawings adorn the walls, and toys and games sit invitingly on tables. It’s not until you take a second look at the 15 or so children playing that you start to register the missing limbs, the abundance
Thirteen-yearold Mohammad from Baghdad, pictured with his grandmother, was injured by a roadside bomb in 2012; (below) counsellor Talha
AlAli admits to crying for the victims of war outside of work
| 04•2016 98 “we give them A second ch A nce”
of wheelchairs and crutches, the small arms held in slings and the severe facial and body burns.
“Many of the children haven’t been to school for years, even before their injuries,” explains Talha. “So we try to focus mostly on reading, writing and simple mathematics.”
Thirteen-year-old Mohammad Nagi Mashala from Iraq is grappling with the meaning of some Arabic letters written on the blackboard. As Talha talks to him, Mohammad sits with his crutches placed to the left of his chair.
given here, it’s more than very good— it’s like once we were dead but now we have the chance to rise again.”
in the basement of the hospital is the psychology department’s main office. Talha, writing up some notes from the day and out of earshot of the youngsters in the Learning Room, confides, “When I go home I can cry for the children as victims of war, but when I’m here my job is to focus on getting them well again, to enable them to trust the world once more.”
MY JOB IS TO GET THE CHILDREN WELL AGAIN, TO ENABLE THEM TO TRUST THE WORLD ONCE MORE
The story of how Mohammad came by his injuries is, tragically, not exceptional. On July 8, 2012, a roadside bomb exploded as he walked from his home to the local mini-market in a suburb of Baghdad. Shrapnel tore through both his legs, causing extensive damage, particularly to his right leg. It’s Mohammad’s fourth admission to the MSF Hospital. In order to regain full use of his legs and return to normal walking, he’ll require ongoing surgery and physiotherapy until he stops growing at around 18.
Mohammad’s grandmother Rasmir has been in attendance during his long stay at the hospital: “What we’ve been
Telling the poignant story of a young Syrian boy in their care, who has extensive facial and body burns, Talha continues, “I asked Sayid if he would draw a picture of himself—he went away and came back with a picture of a monster. I told him he was a hero, not a monster.”
Talha explains the process of psychological acceptance and acknowledgement he and his colleagues foster in the kids. “When something goes wrong in your life, you usually have two options. You can either try to fix it or to live with it. We can’t fix the burns in these children’s faces or the loss of limbs, so we cultivate understanding
04•2016 | 99 Reade R ’s d igest
and acceptance. Sayid needs to know that he’s a hero after all that he’s endured.”
Before going back to his little patients, Talha adds this thought: “If you raise a healthy child, you raise a healthy nation.”
Orthopaedic surgeon Dr Ali AlAni is making his ward round on the second floor of Al Mowasah Hospital. An Iraqi by birth, AlAni left Baghdad in 2005 when the situation in his nation’s capital became “just too dangerous”. He’s been working with MSF since 2007. This morning, he and his support team are checking the well-being of ten patients after yesterday’s operations. Several of
Orthopaedic surgeon
Dr Ali AlAni operates on a sciatic nerve, in an effort to help his war-wounded patient walk again; (left) law student Moayed Srour undergoes physiotherapy to learn to walk with his prosthetic right leg. His left leg also has an orthopaedic implant, used to support the bone while healing
| 04•2016 100
today’s ward patients are in isolation due to infections from surgery prior to their admission to the MSF facility. The team don extra gowns and rubber gloves before entering.
“I start from zero with my patients”, Dr Ali explains. “I clean out the wounds and begin all over again. It can be very primitive treatment in war zones, as
IT
CAN
In December 2014, a tank shell hit Moayed while he was sheltering behind a wall with some of his friends. After losing consciousness, he woke up seven days later in Amman with his right leg amputated below the knee. He spent four months in the Zaatari refugee camp on Jordan’s northern border, awaiting his turn to come here.
BE vERY pRIMITIvE TREATMENT IN WAR zONES. THE ONES WHO MANAGE TO GET TO US ARE THE LUCkY ONES
the field hospitals have to deal with huge numbers of wounded. The ones who manage to get themselves to us are the lucky ones.”
In the physiotherapy department, Moayed Srour, a 29-year-old law student from Syria, is learning to walk again with the aid of an artificial leg. Zuher Hizzy, one of the physiotherapists, is putting Moayed through his paces. “He’s a slave driver”, Moayed says with a smile, as Zuher encourages him to put more of his body weight on to his artificial leg while supporting himself on the parallel bars.
“I can’t remember how many operations I’ve had so far, but it would have taken me forever to recover without this place”, he remarks, before looking ahead and returning to his disciplined physiotherapy work.
for the many war wounded who come to Al Mowasah, it’s a long and painful process to reach any semblance of full recovery. Jean-Paul makes the sobering yet essential point about the work undertaken by the hospital’s dedicated staff: “Who will help them, if we do not?”
did yo U K now ?
France was still executing people by guillotine when Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope hit cinemas in 1977.
soUrce: iMdb coM
04•2016 | 101 Reade R ’s d igest
Hoping For e Best, Preparing For e Worst
DEMENTIA BRINGS WITH IT so many challenges, both for the su erer and for their loved ones. Not least among these challenges is who—if anyone— can make decisions for the su erer as their condition progresses.
Don’t take the risk —plan ahead
As a nation, our average life expectancy is rising. Yet inextricably linked to the average person living longer is the increase in the number of dementia su erers. Dementia is a term used to describe a number of di erent illnesses, the most commonly recognised being Alzheimer’s. Every day there are families left wondering what they can do to help their friend or family member, who may be unable to make decisions for themselves. Paying bills, controlling bank accounts, selling property, making decisions about where to live, what to wear and which
medical treatments are acceptable are just a few of the decisions that might need to be made.
Without planning for the possibility of becoming a dementia su erer, loved ones may be left in the unenviable position of having to apply to the Court of Protection to be appointed as a Deputy. Applying for Deputyship is a long, complex, intrusive and costly procedure. Anyone who’s been unlucky enough to experience the process would certainly agree it’s something best
PARTNERSHIP PROMOTION
WHAT NEXT?
avoided where possible. And avoiding this court process is entirely possible—by planning ahead.
Lasting Power of Attorney
There are two types of Lasting Power of Attorney: one that allows a person to nominate the people they trust to manage their financial a airs in the event of their mental incapacity, and another that allows the nomination of trusted people to make decisions about health and welfare. In the case of the latter, these trusted people could even be given authority to make decisions about life-sustaining treatment.
A Lasting Power of Attorney needn’t cost the earth and can be arranged in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Start by requesting your free information pack from Reader’s Digest Legal, by calling 0800 031 9516 and quoting reference RDL11.
Reader’s Digest Legal is a service provided by the Collective Legal Solutions, part of the Co-operative Group.
Playing The Guessing Game
Do you anxiously await how much your bills are going to total each month? Here’s how to take back control
Andy Webb is a money expert at the Money Advice Service. Visit money adviceservice. org.uk for details
Do you know exactly what your household bills come to? Maybe you don’t pay attention when they drop through the letter box. Or perhaps it’s a bit confusing to work out the cost. If it’s either of these, you might take an educated guess when planning your spend.
With one in three households just making ends meet each month, getting it wrong can cause a problem with your budget—and not by a small amount. Research from Santander has found bill payers estimate their annual household bill costs to be £2,528. In reality, they spent an average of £3,987. That’s a difference of £1,459 a year.
To cover the shortfall, one in four had to borrow money or raid savings—a very risky move if you don’t have more money coming in to pay off the credit card or replace your emergency fund.
Why we get it wrong
The largest discrepancies were for TV, phone and broadband outgoings, with bills often more than £1,000—double what was expected. Gas and electricity were also underestimated, to the tune of £391 a year combined.
The problem with these bills is they can be very difficult to predict accurately. Special offers when you sign up to your telecommunications often disappear after six months and price increases are common—plus your utilities use will vary.
MONEY
B Y A N d Y W EBB
| 04•2016 104
Working out what you’ll pay
So how do you prepare for the unpredictable? Well, make it predictable. Check phone and TV bills each month to make sure you know what’s due. You should see on the bill if you’ve got a discount applied and how long for. If it’s unclear, call your supplier.
For your energy bills, using your bills from the last year should give you an idea of what you’ll pay in the next 12 months. You can set up a monthly direct debit. Though you might actually use more or less gas and electricity than the prediction, the supplier will normally apply the extra or a discount to the next batch of payments, making it much easier to manage the difference.
Cut down on what you spend
With most of your bills it’s possible to switch to a cheaper company and be hundreds of pounds better off. Cut back on pay TV channels that aren’t watched, get rid of included call packages you don’t use and fix your energy to a lower rate.
Comparison sites are great places to start, but don’t just pick the cheapest option—make sure you still receive the service you need.
Don’t stop there
It takes a few minutes each month to keep on top of what you’re paying. Open up bills and bank statements, and make sure you’re being charged what you expect. Investigate any differences promptly.
04•2016 | 105
© wavebreakme D ia/s H utterstock
Do You Have The Right Insurance?
Though almost all car-insurance claims received a payout in 2013 and 2014, one in five home-insurance claims and one in ten travel-insurance claims were rejected.
The Association of British Insurers explains that for the rejected home claims, people often weren’t covered for accidental damage—which is usually an extra cost. With travel insurance, people didn’t always declare an existing medical condition or couldn’t prove they’d lost an item. With both, claims were turned down as the payout didn’t go above the excess.
So how do you make sure you have the right insurance?
ChECk thE ExCEss
ON YOur iNsurANCE
Excess is the amount of money you have to pay on each claim before the insurer will make a payout. The higher your excess, the lower the cost of the insurance policy, and vice versa.
However, if the excess is too high, you might find it very difficult to claim for anything other than very expensive damage or loss.
MAkE surE YOur iNsurANCE COvErs WhAt YOu NEEd it tO
Accidental damage is a key consideration. You’ll pay more for it, but it offers you greater protection. Similarly, some household policies don’t cover expensive items such as jewellery as standard, or if you take valuables out of the home.
Travel is another insurance policy that’s important to check. If you do have a pre-existing medical condition, check you’re covered. The same goes for any “dangerous” activities, including skiing and other winter sports.
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© Fanatic s tu D io/ a lamy s tock P H oto © olavs silis / a lamy s tock P H oto
Your Savings Are About To Get Interesting
This month a new rule begins, allowing you to earn more money on your savings.
At the moment, only ISAs are tax-free, and your bank or building society automatically deducts 20 per cent from any interest you earn. From this month, the new Personal Savings Allowance will let you earn £1,000 in interest each year and not pay tax on it. The banks will begin paying you the full amount of interest straight into your account.
It’s slightly different if you earn more than £43,001 in a year (and less than £150,000).
Since this puts you in the 40% tax bracket, the interest-free amount you can earn in 12 months drops to £500. Anything over that will be subject to income tax.
a change to the way we register to vote could mean you’ve dropped off the electoral register—and that could damage your credit rating. being registered verifies your name and address, so when institutions and companies check your credit report, they have proof of who you are and where you live. not being listed, or having an old address, can make it difficult for lenders to verify who you are, or they might view applications as potential fraud, both potentially ending in rejection. you can check if you’re on the electoral register by contacting your local electoral registration office.
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hElp YOur fiNANCEs BY MAkiNG surE YOu’rE rEGistErEd tO vOtE
Explore Insure &
Over the past few years, there’s been a noticeable trend of older travellers seeking more adventure during their holidays. A recent Reader’s Digest survey, for example, revealed that chasing cherry blossom in Japan was top of most readers’ “bucket lists”.
Britain’s seaside resorts or Spain’s sandy beaches have long been the main options considered for the annual trip, but more and more holidaymakers are now moving away from the standard beach
break, instead travelling to exotic destinations for a more active getaway.
Destinations like France and Italy remain popular, yet other hotspots—such as Serbia and Croatia—have also emerged.
In addition to these new locations, travel companies have reported a growing demand for more adventurous breaks, and many older travellers—free from financial responsibilities such as mortgages —are in a position to book more
partnership prOmOtiOn
The range of activities available on holiday is extensive. However, whether you’re considering mountain biking in Italy or rock climbing in
The most common activities on holiday include rambling, trekking and cycling and these are routinely included as standard by the majority of insurers. Many standard travelinsurance policies will also include activities such as scuba diving, kayaking and windsurfing. For more adventurous activities—such as skiing, parachuting, hang gliding and abseiling—additional premiums are likely to be required.
Travellers should cover themselves against added risks, considering vital aspects such as the levels of cover for cancellation, emergency medical cover, medical conditions and age limits.
To discuss your travel-insurance requirements—and to obtain a competitive quotation—call us today on 020 8069 3102. One of our expert advisers will help provide the travel-insurance policy that matches your requirements. exotic holidays to locations such as Vietnam.
Vivat Finance Limited trading as Reader’s Digest are an Introducer Appointed Representative of Higos Insurance Services Ltd trading as Reader’s Digest Insurance Services, who are authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority FRN no 302690 France, it’s important to ensure you have the correct level of travel insurance in place. Holidaymakers should check which activities are included within their holiday insurance as standard, and which require an additional premium.
Whatever your holiday plans, Reader’s Digest Insurance Services is delighted to offer travel insurance policies with excellent levels of protection, including automatic cover for over 30 activities as standard.
Easy-to-prepare meals and accompanying drinks
Pork Belly, Mustard Mash & Greens
By Rachel walke R
Rachel Walker is a food writer for numerous national publications. Visit rachel-walker.co.uk for more details
This is a favouri T e dinner-parT y recipe. The individual, gastropub-style squares of pork belly look so impressive, but they couldn’t be easier to cook.
Serves 8
• 2–2.5kg pork belly, boned, skin intact and finely scored
• 4 carrots, rough dice
• 2 onions, rough dice
• 1 fennel bulb, rough dice
• 2 bay leaves
• 1tbsp peppercorns
• 45g butter
• 45g flour
• Lemon
• Vegetable or chicken stock, to cover (2 litres, depending on size of roasting tin)
• 1.5kg (King Edward, Maris Piper, Desiree), peeled and rough dice
• 75g butter
• 100ml milk or cream
• 4tbsps grainy mustard
• Spring greens
1. Preheat the oven to 150C. Place the pork belly, skin-side up, in a roasting tin and scatter the carrots, onion, fennel, bay leaves and peppercorns round the edge.
2. Bring home-made stock up to a simmer. If you’re using shop-bought stock cubes, then make it weaker than pack instructions—it will be too salty otherwise, and there are plenty of vegetables to boost the flavour during cooking.
3. Pour the stock over the pork belly so it’s covered, roast
food & d Rink | 04•2016 110
at 150C for three hours. Remove and set to one side, leaving the belly and stock to cool in the pan for 45 minutes.
4. Lift the pork belly out of the roasting pan and place it, skin-side down, on a tray. Put a chopping board on top of it with something heavy on top (e.g. kitchen weights, tins of tomatoes) to press the belly. Refrigerate for anywhere from 2 hours to overnight. Meanwhile, strain the stock and also refrigerate until it’s needed.
5. Preheat the oven to 200C.
6. Put on the potatoes to boil. Once they’re cooked, drain and mash with the butter, milk or cream and mustard.
7. To finish the pork belly, put it skin-side down on a board and cut it into eight squares. Rub a pinch of salt into the skin and cook the
squares, skin-side down, for 20–25 minutes until the fat is melting and the skin is crisp and golden.
8. To make a gravy, heat the butter in a pan, add the flour and cook for 1 minute on a low heat until it’s a deep-straw colour. Add a ladle at a time of the strained juices that the pork was cooked in, stirring constantly until you have a smooth consistency. Taste and then season with a squeeze of lemon, salt and pepper. Tip into a warmed gravy jug.
9. Blanch the spring greens in boiling water, toss with the butter and pinch of salt, and tip into a warmed dish.
10. Plate up each portion by putting a scoop of mustard mash in the middle of a warmed plate and place a pork-belly square on top. Put the gravy and spring greens on the table so everyone can serve themselves.
04•2016 | | 111 Photogra P hY b Y t im & Zoë h ill
Rhubarb Syllabub
A few scoops of this is the perfect end to a pork roast. For a dinner party, spoon the chilled syllabub into a brandy-snap basket just before serving, or crumble some amaretti biscuits on top as a delicious garnish.
• 450g rhubarb, sliced at 2 inches, on the diagonal
• 1 thumb-sized knob of ginger, peeled and grated
• 75g caster sugar
• 75ml white wine
• 300ml double cream
• 100ml Greek yogurt
• Optional: brandy-snap basket; tuile; amaretti biscuits, crumbled
1. Put the rhubarb, ginger, caster sugar and white wine in a saucepan. Allow it to reach a gentle simmer and cook for 4–5 minutes, until the rhubarb is tender but still holding its shape.
Pudding of the Month
2. Drain the rhubarb and reserve the juice. Set aside to cool.
3. Meanwhile, whip the cream and stir in the Greek yogurt. Fold in the rhubarb and 2tbsps of the reserved juice. Chill.
4. Divide between 4 bowls or glasses and drizzle the remaining juice on top, or spoon into brandy-snap baskets or martini glasses.
’TIS THE SEASON
this month marks the beginning of the field-grown rhubarb season. When buying, look for crisp stems that release sap when snapped and keep your eye out for “Valentine”—a particularly versatile variety with a beautiful, ruby-red colour and a sweet flavour. Simply stew for 20–30 minutes with apple juice and pile on top of yogurt for a light breakfast.
| 04•2016 112 © Bon Appetit/Al A my Stock p hoto
Pair With Pork
on a recenT press Trip, I found myself in the back of a taxi sandwiched between two masters of wine. They were becoming more and more heated on the topic of wine pairing. One of them argued that it was unnecessary: “People should be free to drink whatever they want to drink.”
I’m reluctant ever to enforce wine rules, so would normally side with him. But the master of wine the other side of me put forward a compelling argument. “What sauce do people serve with pork belly?” he asked.
“Apple sauce,” we said in unison.
“And why is that?” he asked.
Of course, pork belly is fatty and sweet, and a sauce made from stewed Bramley apples has a sharpness that cuts through the rich meat. “That’s all wine pairing is,” he explained, going on to express frustration at the wonderful home cooks who are intuitive in the kitchen but panic in the wine aisle, going for whatever was on a deal.
Spotting specific words on bottle labels is a great place to start. When it comes to rich pork belly, look for something with “acidity”, “freshness” or even “green apple” notes. The three below are favourites.
Rachel
RecOmmeNDS...
■ Waitrose White Burgundy, (13%), waitrose, £8.99
■ Sainsburys Rioja Blanco, Pinot Noir (12.5%), aldi, £4.39
■ Vignobles Roussellet, Pinot Noir (12.5%), aldi, £4.39
food Thesaurus
(Bloomsbury Publishing, £17.09). A modern-day classic for those interested in flavour pairings.
BUDGeT
askeys Brandy-snap Baskets, Tescos, £1.74. An easy way to give a professional edge to pud.
BlOw OUT
odysea Wild Thyme & fragrant herb honey, odysea.com, £6.49/480g. A delicious Greek treat.
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BOOk FOR MORE, GO TO ReaDeRSDIGeST.cO.Uk/FOOD-DRINk
By Lynda C L ark
Lynda Clark is a homes, property and interiors expert, and is editor of First Time Buyer magazine
Creating The Right Impression
a recent art exhibition at the Royal Academy, “Painting the Modern Garden: Monet to Matisse”, has been a resounding success. This season, many of the top designers have been inspired by the Impressionist painters, creating a stunning selection of accessories that embrace these artworks. They illustrate the serenity of the outdoors through pattern and print, using artistic techniques such as stippled oil painting and soft brushstroke designs. Their gentle colour palettes will work especially well in a sitting room or bedroom.
Wing chair in silver brushed cotton, £325; watercolour floral cushion, £12; Jacquard brush strokes cushion, £8; fringed cushion, £7; rabbit ornament, £15.
■ all available from George at asda (asda.com/george)
Get The Look
Right on trend for spring, these Impressionist-inspired accessories make a real decorative statement.
■ Waterflower bedding set, from £40, BHS, bhs.co.uk
■ Monet cushion, £19.50, Marks & Spencer, marksandspencer.com
■ Water Lily wooden tray, £30, The Royal Academy of Arts Shop, shop.royalacademy.org.uk
| 04•2016 114 home & Garden
BuyinG the riGht Garden tooLs
Now’s the time of year to get back into the garden. And after the long winter months, it might be wise to review your gardening tools. Having the right tool for the job makes work both easier and faster, so it’s advisable to buy as high-quality as you can afford. It’s important to pick ones that are comfortable to use—so check them for weight and the length of the handle. The National Trust have a splendid range at Tesco (see right), with prices from £8.50 to £28. To purchase, visit tesco.com/direct
Gift ideas for the budding gardener Green FinGers
handpicked by Sophie conran. A lovely flower seed collection, £9.95, (annabeljames.co.uk)
A useful wooden box for storing all your garden essentials, £19.99, (plant-theatre.com)
04•2016 | 115
FOR MORE, GO TO readersdiGest.Co.uk/home-Garden
The latest technology maximises your smartphone—and your lifestyle
Rhythm & Batteries
By olly mann
Olly is a technology expert, LBC presenter and Answer Me
This! podcaster
DJI osmo, £549
How do you spot a TV professional these days? Every bedroom vlogger can access 4K cameras, editing software and digital distribution. The Osmo, from drone specialist DJI, blurs boundaries even further. An imagestabilising monopod, or “gimbal”, it enables amateur videographers to create such smooth tracking shots you’d swear they were filmed using a movie rig. Using a smartphone as viewfinder, the footage captured by the 94-degree wide-angle lens is glorious. The only drawback is that the whirring of the device can be detected in the background.
apple app of the month: facet, free When the British weather is drizzly and dreary, I cheer myself up by perving over other people’s holiday snaps. Facet offers users the chance to share Vine-type
video vignettes of their coolest travel experiences, whether braving whitewater rapids in Uganda or slurping down frog legs in France. You can even swipe to add a location to your shortlist or book a nearby Airbnb. A great escape.
Technology | 04•2016 116
pIoneer XDp-100r, £499 Streaming app Tidal now supplies “high-res” music downloads, allowing savvy audiophiles to enjoy richer sounds on their home hi-fi than they could experience from services offering only MP3 files, which are more compressed. Listening on the move, however, can be a pain: studio-quality songs consume loads of storage, so some smartphones struggle to accommodate them. Step in Pioneer’s portable player, running on Android. It includes twin MicroSD ports, thus making space for a whopping 432GB of high-res ‘choons. With decent headphones, the sound is extraordinarily crisp—though I suspect the price will have to plummet before the appeal extends beyond weirdy-beardy musos.
lG G5, £tBc
Sometimes, the future can be the past: witness the bizarre upward trend for fax machines and cassette players. LG’s latest smartphone features many modcons to mark it out as cutting-edge: a VR-ready processor, for instance, and dockable accessories to transform the device into a drone controller or action cam. But the feature that gets me most excited is the most retro of all: a slideout battery. You know, like we all used to have on the Nokia 3210! Fullyjuiced spare batteries are always in style.
anDroID app of the month: sounD sleeper, free Newborn babies, accustomed to the ambient noise of the womb, often struggle to adjust to the silence of the night— which is why, sadly, my son spends so much of it crying. Sound Sleeper simulates the distant rumble of household appliances as heard in utero (my boy especially enjoys “vacuum cleaner”), soothing him immediately. Absolute magic!
04•2016 | 117
By Geor G ina yates
Georgina is a fashion and beauty editor for numerous travel titles and a blogger at withgeorgia.com
Charming By Nature
A tri P A round th E world led painter Emily Sidwell (right) to pursue a career as a jewellery designer. “I went backpacking with my husband in the Far East and was inspired by the skills of the craftsman in China and Indonesia,” she says. “I couldn’t wait to stay with a friend in Melbourne who was a jewellery designer. She showed me a few techniques, and from that moment on I knew exactly what I wanted to do.”
Emily already had creative talent in abundance, having previously studied Fine Art at Coventry University. But she felt unsatisfied by the medium of painting: “I used to paint huge portraits, but I always felt that my paintings
Fabulous Florals
Be an early bloomer this spring!
■ Cath Kidston’s floral print is perfectly offset against a muted spring-green base (£65; cathkidston.com).
■ Fancy and flattering, Monsoon’s botanical print wrap dress has it all (£99; monsoon.co.uk).
■ Be an English rose in this piece from Phase Eight (£110; phase-eight.com).
| 04•2016 118
Fashion & B eauty
were never tangible enough. I wanted people to be able to take hold of my artwork rather than stand and look at it.”
Soon after returning, Emily moved to London to launch her very own jewellery brand, By Emily. Inspired by both nature and storytelling, she brings a rare kinetic energy to her work with depictions of geese in flight, trotting foxes, leaping hares and busy bees. One can’t help but smile at these cheeky characters.
“My jewellery designs are meant to be fun and surprising,” Emily explains. “I always know when I have met a new lover of By Emily when they laugh!”
■ Visit byemilyjewellery.com for details
sprinG clean
Scrub away dead skin to reveal a refreshed new you.
sugar high
If you’re suffering from winterworn skin, the brown-sugar formula of Soap And Glory’s
Sugar Crush Body Scrub (£8; soapandglory.com) is tough enough to buff away scales. Other active ingredients include freshly squeezed lime and lemon, which leave the skin feeling refreshed.
caffeine hit
The recently launched Bean Burst skincare company uses only ethically sourced, 100-percent-natural ingredients in its products. Sold in three blends— sweet orange, grapefruit and peppermint—each body scrub comprises robusta coffee, pink Himalayan salt and a number of high-quality oils. They work wonders on sensitive skin and psoriasis (£15; beanburst.com).
04•2016 | | 119
The groundbreaking Sci-Fi series, originally aired on BBC One in 1970, is available on DVD for the first time ever!
The title alone should give some idea of what to expect: it would be a foolhardy viewer indeed who looked to a show called Doomwatch for light relief. In the series, ‘Doomwatch’ is a nickname of the government department investigating the unintended consequences of new developments in science and technology. Such things were highly topical in 1972 when the series first aired. Rachel Carson’s 1960s bestseller Silent Spring exposed the effects of pesticides,
while the scandal of Thalidomide revealed mind-boggling negligence. And that was just the headline stuff: the creators of Doomwatch knew there was much more hidden in the small print.
Many of the stories are disturbingly plausible, involving things like factory farming and medical ‘breakthroughs’. Most shockingly of all, its characters weren’t indestructible. The first series ended with the death of its most popular protagonists. Those episodes that survive (most of series one and two and one that has never previously been seen) are now released on DVD. In our age of climate change and corporate power, Doomwatch can seem frighteningly contemporary.
(Please quote RDP038 when ordering): Online: shop.readersdigest.co.uk
How to order
Phone: 0844 332 8080 (8am-8pm Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm Sat-Sun) By Post: Reader’s Digest, FREEPOST RTHR-LLRY-ZHYS, Ringwood, BH24 1HD (Cheques should be payable to Reader’s Digest, and please remember to quote RDP038 and include your full name and address, along with the details of the item(s) required)
ADVERTORIAL 164480 £39.99 £29.99 Released 4th April ONLY £29.99
Shipshape Shoes
Colourful and comfortable are two adjectives that spring to mind when considering nautically inspired footwear and accessories brand Moshulu. This year the family business celebrates nearly two decades as a successful label, yet Moshulu’s roots reach much further back in time.
Henry Fulls had the idea for the brand in 1959 while working for a wholesale company that sold shoe-mending equipment. He ended up buying that company, Ware & Sons, in 1974, developing the business that’s now run by his three sons.
Says Shaun Full, “As a family we were fortunate as all three sons had different interests; my eldest brother Daryl was the salesman, middle brother Neal the money man and I was the brand and product enthusiast.” Their ethos is simple, says Shaun: “It about giving our customers a smile in every box.”
■ Visit moshulu. co.uk for details
naileD it
The minutes spent waiting for nail varnish to dry are much longer than normal minutes. Staying still is utterly impossible —whether the phone rings or the dog is pining for attention, the devil certainly finds work for idle hands.
Enter Leighton
Denny’s Miracle Mist (£11; leighton dennyexpertnails. com), a spray that rapidly speeds up the process of drying nail varnish. After applying the last coat, hold the can 15cm from your hand and give each nail a second blast. A mere 60 seconds later, you can answer that phone and stroke your pet without a care in the world!
Reade R ’s d igest 04•2016 | | 121 FOR MORE, GO TO reaDersDiGest.co.uK/Fashion-Beauty
A school teacher and a boy scout provide the plot fodder for this month’s page-turners
April Fiction
b y J AME s
WA lT o N
James writes and presents the BBC Radio
4 literary quiz The Write Stuff
Different Class
by Joanne Harris (Doubleday, £18.99)
After the success of Chocolat—complete with a film version starring Johnny Depp—Joanne Harris could have been forgiven for sticking to food, France, magic and mothers for the rest of her career. Instead, she’s been impressively willing to try all sorts of genres, with Different Class the third of her thrillers set in the Yorkshire village of Malbry (and, despite a few references to the previous books, a novel that easily stands alone).
The main narrator is Mr Straitley, a long-serving Latin teacher at St Oswald’s independent school, whose fusty but essentially good-natured voice Harris captures beautifully. For a while, in fact, she has such infectious fun with his aghast reactions to modern educational trends (“PowerPoint…a kind of electronic crib-sheet for idiots”) that the thriller part remains rather in the background. But then again, as Mr S says, “a good book…takes some time to reach full velocity” —and once this one does, terrific twists pile up at a highly satisfying rate. On reflection, some of them might seem
NAME THE AUTHoR
(Answer on p126)
Can you guess the writer from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?
1. He wrote the screenplay for “the best British film of the 20th century”.
2. His brother was the BBC’s directorgeneral in the 1960s.
3. He wrote The Quiet American
| 04•2016 122
books
slightly improbable; but only on reflection. When you’re actually reading the book, you’ll be far too hooked to mind.
The One in a Million Boy
by Monica Wood (Headline, £12.99)
The boy of the title— otherwise unnamed— is already dead when Monica Wood’s warm and touching novel begins. As a socially awkward, possibly autistic boy scout, he’d been doing weekly chores for 104-year-old Ona Vitkus, and the two had struck up a close friendship. Then, after his sudden death from an undetected heart condition, his divorced father Quinn comes to do Ona’s chores instead, and is equally beguiled.
From there, the book expands to cover an enormous amount of emotional ground, as Wood treats a large cast of fundamentally decent but often struggling characters with a winning mix of sharpness and sympathy. Despite the indomitable Ona’s obvious appeal, it’s the jobbing musician Quinn who steals the show, as he comes to realise (too late of course) how remarkable the son he neglected had been. In some hands, this could be the material for a Hollywood weepie, but Wood is able to convey the deepest of feelings in a few quietly devastating sentences.
pApERbAcks
■ Career of Evil by Robert Galbraith (sphere, £7.99).
Despite this being “his” third best-seller, Galbraith is still better known as J K Rowling, here with the latest crime thriller featuring detective Cormoran Strike.
■ The Road to Little Dribbling by bill bryson (black swan, £8.99). Another charming journey round Britain, 20 years after Notes from a Small Island.
■ Mother of Eden by chris beckett (corvus, £8.99).
A brilliant portrait of life on a distant planet for the descendants of two stranded astronauts— this will engender many new sci-fi fans.
■ The Time In Between by Nancy Tucker (Icon, £8.99). Piercing, eye-opening memoir of anorexia that does much to help explain a condition that’s baffling to outsiders.
■ Warriors of the Storm by bernard cornwell (Harpercollins, £7.99). The latest rollicking instalment of the popular Last Kingdom series.
04•2016 | | 123
BOOKS
Whether or not you consider yourself a wordsmith, a new book will have you enraptured by etymology
Minding Your Language
Rebecca GoweR s’ new book is a hugely enjoyable and informative guide to words and their history, packed with memorable facts. But it also has a more mischievous purpose: to annoy all those people—known to her as “gripers”—who see themselves as the guardians of proper English. You know the kind I mean (and, like me, you might even be one yourself): those who rail against, say, the use of impact as a verb, or loftily explain the specific technical meaning of epicentre—even though, as Gowers characteristically puts it, “Enormous numbers of people find this distinction of absolutely no interest whatsoever, and, like it or not, epicentre now also means the ‘really really central centre’.”
But what will particularly annoy the gripers is that Gowers’s demolition of their position is so well-informed.
Horrible Words: A Guide to the Misuse of English by Rebecca Gowers is published by Particular Books at £10.99.
Plenty of words have changed their meanings over the centuries: invaluable, for example, once meant worthless. So why shouldn’t decimate be allowed to change from remove one in 10 to remove lots? (And even people who point out that decem is the Latin for ten wouldn’t insist on a quarantine lasting exactly 40 days, as for equally Latin reasons it once did.) As for unnecessary prefixes, would anybody who condemns preplanned not use intermingle, which was
| 04•2016 124
RD’s REcoMMENDED READ
formed in precisely the same way— only a bit longer ago?
And so Gowers goes on, slaughtering any number of sacred cows, up to and including the objection to disinterested meaning the same as uninterested which it has since the early 1600s.
Nor is she afraid to name the guilty men. Along the way, she gives a solid and often very funny kicking to such gripers as Kingsley Amis, Bill Bryson and, here, the BBC’s John Humphrys…
Often in English a word will start life as one class of word, say a noun, and only later— perhaps much later—begin to be used as another, say a verb. Take the word cloud. This started out— in the ninth century—as a noun. It meant a pile of rocks or a hill (cloud is etymologically related to both clod and clot). Then around 1300, clouds lifted off the ground to become heaps in the sky. But it was not until the 16th century that cloud was also converted into a verb, meaning to ‘darken’ or ‘obscure’. Shakespeare took the noun blanket, then three centuries old, and turned it into a verb in King Lear: ‘My face I’ll grime with filth, / Blanket my loins.’ Words are converted from verbs to nouns too. For instance, the verb to walk came before the noun walk, as in ‘Let’s go for a walk’; and the verb to think came before the noun think,
Past objections, mentioned by Rebecca Gowers, to supposedly “horrible words”.
TAlENTED “I regret to see that vile and barbarous vocable ‘talented’ stealing out of the newspapers…into the most respectable publications. Most of these pieces of slang come from America.” Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1832
DoNATE “I need hardly say, that this word is utterly abominable —one that any lover of simple honest English cannot hear with patience and without offence”. Richard Grant White, American critic, 1870
RElIAblE “An Englishman supposed to have been educated who can bring himself to use, we cannot say the word, for it is not a word, but that absurd and stupid vulgarism, reliable, must have a screw loose somewhere.” The Saturday Review, 1875
JEopARDIsE “The correct word is jeopard, but in any case there is no need for anything so farfetched and stilted.” Ambrose Bierce, American writer, 1909 A
‘‘
R EADER ’s D IGE s T
04•2016 | | 125
NEsT oF GRIpERs
as in ‘I’ll have a little think about it.’
In fact, converting in both directions is commonplace.
So far, so good, you may be saying to yourself—though if you are, you would be wrong. John Humphrys writes that, in English, ‘verbs can refresh a sentence any time they are
According to the OED, impact was first converted in 1781—except that that was when it became a noun, having been a verb for the previous 180 years.
You may be wondering what exactly the problem is here. Gripers cling to the idea that some words,
Gripers cling to the idea that some words can be written off as horrible mostly because they are new
needed—but not if they earned their crust as nouns in an earlier life’. He can have had no idea of the apocalypse he was wishing on the language. More specifically, he wonders when progress became a verb (as in, ‘Network Rail will be progressing this project on the above dates’). ‘Probably about the same time as impact, ’ he ventures glumly. The answer to his question given by the Oxford English Dictionary is 1780: ‘A glorious war, commenced in justice and progressed in success.’ As for to impact, on this Mr Humphrys’ guess is tantalisingly close, sort of.
AND THE NAME oF THE AUTHoR Is… Graham Greene. (The film was The Third Man and his brother Hugh was director-general.)
or some uses of words, can be written off as horrible mostly because they are new, and therefore, by implication, redundant (nobody needed them before). Leaving aside the question of whether any part of this argument is valid, it is worth observing that lack of an ear for such things, and the will to check in a dictionary, means that those who shoot this line often mistake the age of what they’re wishing to abolish. No doubt there are entire armies of ‘regretters’ who would condemn as repulsive modern business-speak the verbs to message, dialogue, conference, and so on.
Yet, as the OED shows, these words were all first converted from nouns to verbs centuries ago. To dialogue dates from 1595. It was used by Shakespeare in Timon of Athens: ‘Dost dialogue with thy shadow?’
| 04•2016 126 BOOKS ’’
© Ev E r ETT C O ll ECT i O n Hi STO ri CA l/Al A my S TOCK P HOTO
Books
t H at c H anged M y life
Simon Sebag Montefiore is an historian and novelist, and the award-winning author of Jerusalem: The Biography, Young Stalin and Catherine the Great and Potemkin. His new book The Romanovs: 1613–1918 is out now.
Nana
By Émile Zola
I read all three of these books during my teenage years, a formative time. Nana is set in the last few years of the Second French Empire and tells the story of the most famous courtesan in Paris. I knew she was a monster—shallow, egotistical and greedy—but I was also in love with her, captivated by her beauty. And I was fascinated by Zola’s use of character to mirror external events; how power, sex, money and love all work together in society. They are themes I’ve explored in my work.
Hadji Murat
By leo TolsToy
struggling to do the right thing for his family, yet crushed between the brutality of two fighting armies and the inevitability of betrayal. Though written 100 years ago, one only has to look at modern Chechnya, Georgia or even Afghanistan to see how painfully pertinent the tale is today.
The Memoirs of Catherine
The Great
Tolstoy’s last novel is one of the first books I read about Russia and ignited my lifelong interest in the country. It’s an amazing adventure set in the Caucasus at war, a story of one man
I urge everyone to read this, surely the most honest memoirs ever written. Catherine gives us an account of her life in the Russian court in the 1700s and offers amazing insight into her ambition, her duplicity, her extramarital affairs and her genius at political spin. She’s so dynamic and charming that she manages to persuade the reader that her drunkard husband, Peter III, deserved to be killed so she could seize the throne. She’s ruthless yet remarkable. As told to Caroline Hutton
04•2016 | 127
FOR MORE, GO TO ReaDeRsDiGesT.Co.UK/BooKs © i an Jone S
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You Couldn’t Make It Up
Win £50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk
I WenT TO a COLLeaGUe’s WeDDInG recently. When it came to the part of the service where the couple had both said, “I do,” they handed their mobiles to each other to update their Facebook relationship status.
That was a first for me!
ameLIe BaRnes, Denbighshire
I Was ReaDInG a label on a salt pot that claimed—rather impressively—that the mineral had been “formed over 250 million years ago from ancient, unpolluted seas”.
I was somewhat surprised, therefore, to see on the base the Best Before End date of 2020.
JULIa WILDe, Brighton
HOneY Is a GReaT mOIsTURIseR, especially when you’re in a nice, warm bath. So when I had the chance to use a sauna, I went prepared with a squeezy bottle. My friend and I headed in to the lovely, warm sauna, covered ourselves in honey and lay back to relax—until the fire went out.
As my friend hunkered down in
front of the fire, trying to get it going again, the room got colder and colder. I should mention it was February in Ireland.
Eventually we had to admit defeat and decided to get the sauna owner to help, but by now the melted honey had cooled and set like glue. The back of my friend’s thighs were glued to her calves and my inner arms were stuck to my torso. Both of us were bruised
CARTOON:
| 04•2016 130 FUn & Games
GUTO DIAS
and sore...and the guy who owned the sauna was none too happy about the smell of honey that just wouldn’t go away!
saRaH-Jane eGan, Caerphilly
On a PaCKeD TRaIn on a day out with my mother, my son Jacob (six years old) asked, “Grandma, are you a prostitute?”
She looked horrified as all eyes turned her way. “What do you mean?” she asked quietly.
“You know,” he said. “You’re either a Catholic or a Prostitute.”
Jeena sUmneR, London
One DaY mY BROTHeR went into a shop to ask for a camouflage jacket for his son. The assistant said they’d arrived in stock but they were having trouble finding them.
My brother couldn’t resist it. “Boy,” he said. “They must be really good camouflage jackets then!”
RICK WILLIams, Denbighshire
ReCenTLY IT Was my grandson’s fourth birthday. As a loving grandma, I visited him at my daughter’s house with a few presents. While sat in the living room, I asked him what presents he got for his birthday and he replied, “Pile of sh*t.”
Shocked, I asked him again what he was given and again he replied, “Pile of sh*t”.
I couldn’t believe it—I started thinking he might have picked up something his mum had said earlier.
So I asked him to show me his presents. He took my hand and led me to his bedroom, where his brand new pirate ship was!
aLICe BULL, East Sussex
a FeW YeaRs aGO, I was helping out at my daughter’s school when a small lad came rushing up in obvious distress. He’d badly grazed his knee but, even after cleaning it up, he continued to wail.
“It’ll be OK,” I reassured him. “Your dad’s a doctor. When you get home he’ll make it better.”
“No he won’t,” sobbed the boy.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because it’s his day off today,” he replied. anDReW BeRRY, Lincolnshire
mY UnCLe, a rather large fellow, was chatting to us all about sporting activities—and a few people commented to him that he probably didn’t play any outdoor games.
“Nonsense,” he replied. “I played dominoes in the pub garden the other day!” HannaH BRYan, Liverpool
mY eLDesT sOn, who’s four years old, told all the staff in nursery that he couldn’t sleep at night because of all the noises coming from his mummy and daddy’s bedroom.
They thought this was funny, but when my husband quizzed him later, he admitted he was talking about “your snoring”!
Reade R ’s d igest 04•2016 | 131
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Word Power
Latin isn’t the official language of any country today—but far from defunct, it’s thriving in hundreds of our common English expressions. Whether it’s alias (“somewhere else”) or veto (“I forbid”), Caesar’s language is entwined with ours. Pro bono (that’s “free”) answers on next page.
By Emily Cox & H E nry r at H von
1. verbatim adv—A: slowly and carefully. B: without stopping. C: word for word.
2. mea culpa n—A: congratulations. C: fine decision. B: acknowledgment of fault.
3. non sequitur n—A: odd man out. B: comment that doesn’t follow logically. C: failure to obey.
4. ad infinitum adv—A: imitating. B: without end. C: making a very bold display.
5. magnum opus n—A: masterpiece. B: large debt. C: giant squid.
6. per capita adv—A: financially. B: in block letters. C: for each person.
7. ergo adv—A: therefore. B: as soon as. C: otherwise.
8. bona fide adj—A: genuine. B: at home. C: secret.
9. circa prep—A: about or around. B: after. C: between.
10. status quo n—A: current state of affairs. B: complete sentence. C: good reputation.
11. persona non grata adj—A: fake. B: thankless. C: unwelcome.
12. semper fidelis adj—A: at attention. B: found to be innocent. C: always loyal.
13. carpe diem interj—A: happy anniversary! B: seize the day! C: listen, please!
14. quasi adj—A: a bit seasick. B: having some resemblance. C: part time.
15. quid pro quo n—A: something given or received for something else. B: vote in favour. C: excessively generous tip.
04•2016 | | 133
answers
1. verbatim—[C] word for word. “If you don’t repeat the magic spell verbatim, the cave door won’t open.”
2. mea culpa—[B] acknowledgment of fault. “Whenever George drops a catch, he says, ‘Mea culpa!’ ”
3. non sequitur—[B] comment that doesn’t follow logically. “We were discussing the film when Jane threw in a non sequitur about her new kitchen.”
4. ad infinitum—[B] without end. “Don’t get my sister started on politics, or she’ll start hurling her opinions ad infinitum.”
5. magnum opus—[A] masterpiece. “I think of ‘Good Vibrations’ as Brian Wilson’s magnum opus.”
6. per capita—[C] for each person. “Ever the economist, Mum said, ‘Just one lollipop per capita.”
7. ergo—[A] therefore. “The groom was late; ergo, the crowd— and the bride— appeared unsettled.”
8. bona fide—[A] genuine. “I was waiting for a bona fide apology after my argument with customer service.”
9. circa—[A] about or around. “It was circa 1978 that Julian first started collecting Beano memorabilia.”
10. status quo—[A] current state of affairs. “The new CEO’s structural moves have changed the status quo.”
11. persona non grata—[C] unwelcome. “After I didn’t call my best friend for years, he declared me persona non grata.”
12. semper fidelis—[C] always loyal. “Jack often shortens the US Marines motto to a shout of “Semper fi!”
13. carpe diem—[B] seize the day! “Don’t sit around procrastinating, lazy bones—carpe diem!”
14. quasi—[B] having a resemblance. “With a broom handle and three wires, I invented a quasi guitar.”
WorD oF tHE Day*
BumPtious:
irritatingly self-assertive.
alternative suggestions:
“a large-bottomed character who was axed from the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”
“a false claim on a caraccident insurance form.”
“a pregnant lady who looks like she’s about to burst.”
15. quid pro quo —[A] something given or received for something else. “Offer me trading advice and I’ll chip in some tech help; it’s a quid pro quo.”
voCaBulary ratings
9 & below: cum laude
10–12: magna
cum laude
13–15: summa
cum laude
Word Po W er | 04•2016 134
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BrainTeasers
Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 139.
Chip off the old BloCk
A cube with sides that measure a whole number of centimetres has a smaller 1cm³ cube cut out of one corner. If the illustration to the right is to scale and the rest of the cube is intact, what volume of the cube remains?
Cover-Up
Cover six of the numbers in the diagram with the operators below (+, −, ×, ÷) so that the resulting expressions (evaluated left-toright and top-to-bottom, without following the order of operations) come to the answers indicated. Numbers may be adjacent to each other in the final grid to form multiple-digit numbers.
3 3 4 6 1 2 = 48 4 0 9 5 6 4 = 12 7 3 4 8 1 2 = 36 3 7 2 7 = 30 37 3 0 19 12 160 1 cm | 04•2016 136
Darren r igby
f Un & Games
mystery nUmBer
If the last column follows the same logic as the first three, what is the missing number in the final cell?
piCk-Up stiCks
Find the three numbered sticks in the left-hand diagram that overlap each other in the way shown in the example triangle; that is, each stick should have one end over—and one end under—one of the other two sticks.
sUB hUnt
Four hidden submarines must be located.
The numbers in the grid represent sonar stations that tell how many sea squares at any distance directly north, south, east and west are occupied by submarines. The submarines are each three sea squares long and fully inside the grid. Can you find all four of them?
2 3 5 7 4 9 25 49 16 81 625 2401 22 93 655 ? N W E 8 5 2 S 1 2 8 4 3 5 6 7 04•2016 | | 137
n u M
r
( s ub
r o D erick k i M ball of pat H puzzles.co M
(Mystery
ber) Marcel Danesi; (sticks) Darren
igby;
Hunt)
Zoo ClUe
Test your knowledge of the animal kingdom. The answers to all the clues are creatures of some kind, including fish, birds— and one cartoon character
| 04•2016 138
brain teasers
how quickly can you find
all? 10 minutes: tortoise 7 minutes: bloodhound 5 minutes: cheetah aCross 01 John ____, a golden sea fish (4) 03 Small, fat fish of the carp family (4) 17 Disney’s flying elephant (5) 18 Fish shaped like a snake (3) 19 Bird with a huge pouched beak (7) 13 Greedy pig (3) 14 South American beast (5) 16 Little songbird (4) 17 Animal with antlers (4) nswersa :crossa 1 Dory 3 hubc 7 Dumbo 8 ele 9 elicanp 13 Hog 14 lamal 16 Wren 17 Deer :ownd 1 Dodo 2 amr 4 Hyena 5,10 aldb agle)e( 6 orillag 10 aglee 11 howc 12 arrp 15 pea down 01 Famous extinct (4) 02 Male sheep (3) 04 African carnivore with powerful jaws (5) 5,10 America’s national bird (4,5) 06 King Kong’s African cousin (7) 10 See 5 down 11 Chinese dog with a curled tail (4) 12 Young salmon (4) 15 6 down is a great one (3) 1 6 7 9 10 13 15 12 14 11 16 17 2 3 4 5 8
them
* Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition.
BrainTeasers: Answers
Chip off the old BloCk 63cm³. The original cube was 4cm × 4cm × 4cm, or 64cm³.
With the chip missing, it’s now one cubic centimetre less.
Cover-Up
mystery nUmBer 2457. The number in the second cell of each column is the square of the first, and the third cell contains the square of the second. The bottom cell contains the sum of the three numbers above.
piCk-Up stiCks
£50 priZe qUestion
answer published in the may issue
an entire village of 120 turned up for a local concert and paid £120 in total. the ticket prices were:
£5 for men
£2 for women
10p for children
How many men, women and children attended the concert?
the first correct answer we pick on March 31 wins £50!* email excerpts @readersdigest.co.uk
answer to marCh’s priZe
qUestion
the number is 89
and the £50 Goes to… ann cuthbert, lincoln
04•2016 | | 139
3 3 4 6 2 = 48 4 0 5 4 = 12 7 4 1 2 = 36 3 2 7 = 30 37 3 0 19 12 160
1 2 8 4 3 5 6 7 sUB hUnt N W E 8 5 2 S
r eader’s d i G est
Laugh!
Win £50 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk
AN ANT, A CENTIPEDE AND A SPIDER are having a party. The ant realises that they’re running low on beer and offers to head out to buy some more. The centipede says, “No, let me do it. You’d take too long. I’ve got more legs than you—I’ll get there more quickly!” They all agree.
Ten minutes pass, then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider asks, “What’s taking him so long?” The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.
The ant asks, “Hey mate, why’s it taking you so long?”
The centipede replies, “I’m still putting on my shoes!”
HEIDI CLARK, Yorkshire
“HI SARAH. LISTEN, I oNLy HAvE A mINuTE. I’m about to get picked up for a blind date. Can you call me in half an hour just in case it’s going badly? Yes? OK, great! We’ll speak.”
Rachel gave herself a quick spray of perfume and headed outside to wait for her date to arrive.
Sure enough, 20 minutes into the date, Rachel was discreetly checking her watch. After ten more minutes her phone finally buzzed.
Rachel listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips and turned to her date. “I feel bad, but my grandmother is terribly sick and I must go home now.”
“No problem,” said her date with a big grin. “In a few more minutes my dog was going to get run over!”
SEEN oNLINE
A mAN IN A LIbRARy walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and chips, please.”
The librarian responds, “Sir, you do know this is a library?
The man says, “Oh, sorry.” And then adds, in a whisper, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and chips, please.”
SEEN AT buZZFEED.Com
WHAT DID oNE EyE say to the other eye?
“Don’t look now, but something between us smells.”
SEEN oNLINE
FUn & Games | 04•2016 140
I juST DELETED all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans-free.
ComEDIAN DARREN WALSH
A mAN GoES To THE GP concerned for his wife’s hearing. The GP thinks and says, “Here’s something you could do. Stand some distance from you wife and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and try asking again. Keep repeating this until she answers. You’ll be able to tell how severe it is.”
The man goes home and tries it out. As he comes through the front door he says, “Hi honey, I’m home. What’s for dinner?”
He doesn’t hear a reply so he moves closer. “Sweetheart, I’m home. What’s for dinner?”
Still no answer. He repeats this several times until he’s standing just a few feet away from her. Finally she answers, “For the tenth time, I said we’re having CASSEROLE.”
bRIDGET CARRoLL, Lancashire
SuRELy ALL CARS are peoplecarriers? ComEDIAN STEWART FRANCIS
my mum ToLD mE the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, “Can I have a new bike?”
He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
ComEDIAN jImmy CARR
A SPoT oF boTHER
Taken directly from that corner of the internet devoted to cats, here are some feline friends stuck in things.
Reade R ’s d igest 04•2016 | 141
A buILDER WAS HAmmERING A NAIL into the church roof when he hit his thumb. “Damn it, I missed!” he shrieked.
The rector heard him and shouted, “You shouldn’t be saying that in the House of the Lord.”
“Why?” sneered the builder. “Will I be struck by lightning or something?”
“Well, you just might be,” replied the rector.
A second later, a flash of lightning came down from the heavens, missed the builder and struck the rector dead. And a voice boomed down from above, “Damn it, I missed!”
KIRA AITKINS, Wirral
THREE FISHERmEN catch a mermaid. She agrees to grant each of them a wish if they set her free.
The first man says, “OK, I want you to double my IQ.” Immediately, the man recites Shakespeare flawlessly.
The second man asks the mermaid to triple his IQ. All of a sudden, he starts spouting really complicated mathematical equations.
Impressed, the last man asks the mermaid to quintuple his IQ. The mermaid hesitates and asks, “Are you sure that’s what you really want?”
“Absolutely!” says the man.
The mermaid smiles. Instantly, the third man turns into a woman.
SEEN AT joKES.CC.Com
A GRouP oF CHESS ENTHuSIASTS are kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their games. It’s spring— not the time for chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. SEEN oNLINE
INTERNET mESSIAH
The modern musings of @Jesus_M_Christ are available to all his followers... on Twitter, that is. They’re less Biblical, more banter:
“I invented the world’s first 3D printer, her name was Eve. Read about it.”
“Don’t whine to me about how you can’t find your old man something for Father’s Day because he has everything. Mine literally has EVERYTHING.”
“Nuggets of wisdom: still not as nourishing or delicious as nuggets of chicken.”
“If you need proof that I love you, just take note of all the women wearing lingerie in public today. You’re welcome.”
“Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s my job.”
Laugh | 04•2016 142
© S EIT a/S H u TTERST ock.co M
Beat the Cartoonist!
Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in midapril. If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £100 and a framed copy of the cartoon, with your caption.
Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption by april 8. We’ll announce the winner in our June issue.
February’s Winner
our readers generally love dogs, so it’s not surprising that a dogthemed cartoon got the creative juices flowing. Sure enough, reader Nicholas Thomas’ suggestion
“This new dog-walking business I started is really starting to get off the ground” attracted four times as many votes as cartoonist Steve Jones’ effort, “It’s an Airborne Terrier”. He wins the prize—and a bone.
SCoREboARD: ReadeRs 39 CaRtoonists 12
“My
Main
Pursuit Has Been Diversity”
Patrick Stewart talks about the shadow cast by Star Trek, and why his new film Green Room is such a departure.
in the may issue Plus
• Crossing the Greenland ice Cap
• “i Remember: Chris Packham
• the Power of Gratitude
• Best of British: Piers
Reade R ’s d igest 04•2016 | 143
60 Second Stand-Up
We caught up with clever comic
WHAT’S youR FAvouRITE oF youR oWN joKES?
I performed with an Iraqi comedian who’s name was Jimmy Car-Bomb. He was very funny—he took the roof off.
WHAT’S THE bEST PART oF youR CuRRENT TouR oR SET?
I do a whole set about terrorism and who’s funding ISIS and why. It’s quite shocking.
HAvE you FouND ANy PARTS oF THE CouNTRy To bE FuNNIER THAN oTHERS?
The more north I go, the more receptive they are. I went from almost surfing the crowd in Aberdeen to total silence in Shrewsbury—380 miles south—the following night.
WHAT’S youR moST mEmoRAbLE HECKLE EXPERIENCE?
Once I was just saying, “Good evening,” when a woman in the front row said, “Oh, shut up, you’ve done nothing but make fun of us all night.”
Do you HAvE ANy FuNNy TALES AbouT A TImE you bombED oN STAGE?
I bombed so badly in a pub that in the silence after a joke, I heard a guy
at the back say to his friend, “There used to be a pool table in here.”
WHo’S youR ComEDy INSPIRATIoN?
A combination of Harry Hill, Bill Bailey and Doug Stanhope. They all really make me laugh.
WHAT’S youR FAvouRITE oNE-LINER?
Oscar Wilde: “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.”
omid Djalili is touring nationwide until may. For details and to book tickets, visit omidnoagenda.com
Laugh | 04•2016 144
FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.Co.uK/FuN-GAmES
FD Breaking Limits
Road to Europe
Ogbonnaya Kanu
www.authorhouse.co.uk
£17.99 hc | £9.95 sc | £2.99 eb
In 2012, author Ogbonnaya Kanu set o on his rst unaccompanied and longest biking tour, with his faithful 2010 BMW R1200GS, “BLANKS”, to ride from Lagos, Africa to Europe and back.
Riding a distance of over 16,000km in 36 days, FD Breaking Limits is more than an adventure guide, but also a story of faith, determination and courage.
With his amazing story, Kanu is using all the proceeds from the sale of his book to support the educational needs of orphans and fatherless children in Nigeria via the Fotodadi Foundation (www.fdfoundation.org) a charity in which he is a trustee.
Edward IV, England’s Forgotten Warrior King
His Life, His People, and His Legacy
Dr. Anthony Corbet
www.iuniverse.com
£24.95 hc | £17.95 sc | £3.49 eb
Learn about the life and legacy of Edward IV, England’s Forgotten Warrior King, whose marriage was claimed invalid, but despite that claim, Henry Tudor (VII) married Edward IV’s daughter, Elizabeth, from whom all English monarchs since have descended.
Hearts In Stone
Timothy Brett
www.authorhouse.co.uk
£23.99 hc | £12.95 sc | £2.99 eb
Timothy Brett seamlessly weaves history with ction to recreate the drama of the 18th dynasty of Ancient Egypt and ancient Hebrew history. Reading this book is like poring over the written records of the wise and ancient teacher Thoth.
26
Confessions of a Slut
KatOë Prinsloo
www.authorhouse.co.uk
£23.99 hc | £12.95 sc | £2.99 eb
26 is a bittersweet, humorous account of a South African girl’s “trial and error” sexual encounters as she searches for love. True love, however, continually evades her, largely due to a series of bad, yet entertaining decisions that she takes.
I Mean You No Harm; I Seek Your Greatest Good Reflections on Trust
Jim Meehan
www.iuniverse.com
£12.95 sc | £4.49 eb
Psychologist and poet Jim Meehan captures the heart of trust with ten simple words, I Mean You No Harm; I Seek Your Greatest Good. Meehan identi es experiences and mentors as possible contributors to the expression and o ers insights to trust.
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