Reader's Digest UK Apr 2011

34 Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 5

James Brown gives up the trappings of modern life in the wilds of Canada

ROYAL SPECIAL

38 An Insider's Guide What does it take to make a royal wedding? Five experts share their secrets

48 Life Through the Lens The inside story from our photographer in the royal press pack

54 My Royal Appointment There's only one question to ask anyone who's met William or Kate: what are theyreallylike?

62 A Very Private Affair Exclusive Ex-royal correspondent Tom Bradby gives his views on phone hacking, the happy couple and the press

76 21st-Century Amazons

How one Brazilian tribe turned to new technology to save their land

86 I Remember Marianne Faithfull on songs, the Sixties and the Stones

92 RD Special Report on Diabetes

We expose the scandal of how diabetics are cared for in our hospitals

100 Survival of the Nicest

If you thought evolution was all about dog eat dog, it's time for a bit of a rethink...

106 Remembrance of Things Past

The Maunsell Sea Forts and other desolate but beautiful scenes of urban decay

114 Sink or Swim When troublesome teenagers get sent out to sea...

122 Mother of Invention Networker Carole Stone on her mum's legacy

126 Busting the Bogus Bankrupts

Cracking down on those who plead poverty —while hidingtheir assets

What's thisman aiming to do— without his bow and arrow? ind out on page 76

Reader's Digest

FRONT COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY IAN JONES, RETOUCHING BY BENEDICT CAMPBELL/DEBUT ART

With just their 2,000 closest friends and familybeing invited to the wedding it was always a bit of a long shot that a Royal Invite would land on my mat. Never mind—if you aren't one of the chosen few either (be strong), then we've got the next best thing foryou. We've tracked down some of the top names who've had remarkable access to the Royal Family—from carriage drivers, florists and photographers to documentary makers, biographers and even Brownie leaders!—and asked them for their unique insights into what goes on behind the scenes of a Royal wedding and how William and Kate are likely to cope with it all. Particularly thought-provoking is a piece by Tom Bradby—see page 62—on thei r future life in the media spotlight. Our Royal Wedding special starts on page 38.

Gill Hudson theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk facebook.com/readersdigestuk readersdigest.co.uk/magazineblogs twitter.com/rdigest

Editor-in-Chief Gill Hudson Managing Editor Catherine Haughney

Design Director Martin Colyer Features Editor Simon Hemelryk

Production Editor Tom Browne Editorial Assistant Ellie Rose

Hugh Kyle Picture Researcher Roberta Mitchell Contributing Editors Caroline Hutton, Harry Mount, James Walton Health Editor Susannah HicklingWebsite Manager Izabel RaffyWebsite Assistant Jasmine Begom

ADVERTISING Account Directors Dominic Eddon, Paul Eyers, Nicky Noble, Chris Shepperson Trade Marketing Manager (Magazines

Nicoll Production Controller Chris Tribe

Marketing ManagerJustine Burrows Finance Business Partner—Magazine Anjli Mehta Administrative Assistant Marina Joannou Publishing Director James Mallinson

CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER David Titmuss

READER'S DIGEST ASSOCIATION INC President and Chief ExecutiveOfficer Mary G. Berner President, RD Europe Dawn ZierVP, Global Editor-in-Chief Reader's Digest Peggy Northrop © 2011 Vivat Direct Ltd (tja Reader's Digest).British Reader's Digest is published by Vivat Direct Ltd, 157 Edgware Road, London W22HR. All rights reserved throughout the world. Reproduction in any manner, in whole or part, English or other languages, is prohibited. Reader's Digest is a trademark owned and under license from The Reader's Digest Association, Inc and is registered with the United States Patent and Trademark Office. All rights reserved. Reproduction by FMG. Printed by Polestar Chantry, Polestar UK Print Ltd. Newstrade distribution by Advantage.

Writers

► "Marianne Faithfull has never been overshadowed by the men in her life or her demons," says music writer Mat Snow. "Herstory is fascinating, right from her descent from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, her great-great uncle—and the man who gave his name to `masochism'."Page 86

► Olivia Lichtenstein is an award-winning documentary film-maker and novelist.

"As we bounced through the African bush in a Range Rover with Prince William," she says, "little did I realise that, only a few months later, the world would be celebratingthe wedding of the century."Page 54

► When not writing about food and drink, our new drinks columnist Nigel Barden is rugby correspondent for BBC London Radio. He can be heard every weekend commenting on Guinness Premiership and European Heineken Cup games. Page 156

RD on the iPad Don'tforget to check out our fabulous iPad app! Go to theiTunes music store to download yours.

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I just can't understand why people who normally seem so careful with their litter treat chewing gum differently.

But the actions of a careless few needn't reflect poorly on the rest of us.

After all, a bit of gum can be jolly useful, especially if you're out and about and have had a bite to eat.

And finding a bin's not exactly the tallest of orders is it?

Have your say

LETTER OF THE MONTH

Take your seats

I agree with Sophie Radice in "Don't Park That Here" that memorial benches can spoil a good walk. Strolling back from the beach in Paignton last summer, we saw benches everyfewyards—the day was clouded bythe reminder of so many deaths.

When my mother died, my daughter "bought" a seat in our local theatre. It has a small plaque on the back dedicated to my mum, and I always try to book this seat when I go there. My father also passed away this January, so I hope to get a plaque for him on the adjacent seat.

The theatre gains extra revenue, but, more important to me, my parents are still where they always were: among the fun and laughter of everyday life.

Heather Elford, Barnstaple, Devon

Despite being physically impaired, I love to get out and about—but I have to rest at frequent intervals. As public bodies are facing budget cuts, providing benches in parks must be low on their list of priorities, so it has to be a bonus when benches are supplied by private individuals.

I'm sure Sophie doesn't mean to exclude people from enjoyingwhat our country has to offer, but not all of us are fit and healthy!

Pam ALLott, Blackburn

And on facebook

Strolling back from the beach, we saw benches every few yards

When I got married, I told my husband that I wanted a bench rather than a wedding ring. I chose a spot on Penton Hook Island in Staines, a place with many happy memories. The fact that I wasn't dead didn't please the Environment Agency, but, in exchange for a donation, they agreed to an inscription. It reads, "This seat celebrates the love of Jacqui Thake and Tom Hendry. May all who sit here be touched by it."

Jacqui Thake, Staines, Surrey

Things that go bump

Reading Alex Kingston's account of her supernatural experiences, "There's a Ghost in my House", reminded me of the time a mr/

"Now I'm using Age Perfect and I've noticed a difference."

Andie Macdowell, 52.

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group of us experimented with a Ouija board. To pre-empt the accusation that we were pushingthe glass, we removed our fingers one at atime, leaving just one of us touching the glass. When it eventually stopped, the letters appeared to spell out a foreign name.

My mother is German, so I showed her the name and asked if it meant anything to her. She said it was my great grandfather's name and asked how I'd come by it. This was spooky—I'd never known my great grandfather and I wasn't near the glass when it spelled out his name. It seems there are more questions than answers in this life.

David Strudwick, Woking, Surrey

"Love like a violin: the music may stop now and then, but the strings last for ever"

she caught the familiar whiff of his Senior Service cigarettes and felt his presence, she was reassured. Indeed, she often discussed problems with him, such as whether the chimney needed sweeping or how much to donate to a favourite charity.

£L

Make money by writing in! £50 for the letter of the month, £30 for all others. See page 4 for details

Like Alex Kingston, my great aunt believed in ghosts. When she moved into a bungalow after the death of her husband, the strange night-time creaks and cracks scared her at first. But once

Senility, imagination or wishful thinking are not words usually used to describe my aunt. For her, my uncle was a real and comforting part of life.

Margaret Vasconcelos, Porto, Portugal

What is love?

I well remember the "Love is..." cartoons that James Brown mentions in "Reasons To Be Cheerful". At the time I thought they were corny, but now I think they had a point. If I were to sum up what "love is" nowadays, I'd recall the following: "Love is like a violin. The music may stop every now and then, but the strings remain for ever."

Dannii Truby, Barnet, Hertfordshire

Give a wave

"It might be time to disband this mother and baby group..."

Sarah Millican said in "If I Ruled the World" that she'd "bring back waving in cars".

I couldn't agree more—when we moved to Torquay from the Midlands sixyears ago, we couldn't get over the number of drivers who waved in appreciation of courtesy. If only it happened elsewhere!

Can I suggest that Sarah pays a visit to our neck of the woods if she misses good manners?

Peter du Feu, Torquay, Devon

Animal assault

While it's great that baby orangutans in Borneo are being looked after and helped back into the wild ("My Family and Other Orangutans"), it's a shame that a dedicated orphanage for them needs to exist in the first place. When will we learn that our greed for palm oil, which destroys their habitats, will end up destroying the planet?

Owen Hollifield, Caerphilly

Clarifications: In "How One Small Yacht Took on Israel's Navy" (March), the phrase "the so-calleddiaspora" was used to refer to the worldwide community of Jews. This alludes to a wider debate towhich attention was drawn by the yacht's captain, British activist Glyn Secker, but which was not included in the article. Itshould have read simply "the diaspora". Without

Prize Draw winners!

• Guernsey resident Kevin Brown, 52, is the latest lucky winner of £5,000 in our monthly prize draw.

Kevin, who is married with four grown-up children and plays bass in a local band, says, "Our regular summer holiday in France this year will include one or two nice meals and some vintage wine." Also, he jokes, the sum involved is "enough to warrant scanning the cheque and framing the copy".

>> Visit readers digest.co.uk/ prize-draw or read more at readersdigest. co.uk/rdprize drawblog. Follow us onTwitter at PrizeDrawNicki

this context it appears derogatory, which was neither Mr Secker's intention nor ours.

Also, in our April feature "Mile-High Club", we incorrectly identified Tim Smit, founder of the Eden Project, as Tom Smit. Many apologies for the error. •

WE WANT YOUR SUBMISSIONS!

Do you have a quirky gardening or beauty tip? Or perhaps some health advice? If so, we want to hear from you. We welcome all reader contributions—it's a great chance to seeyour name in print and earn some money in the process. We pay £50 for all published submissions to Health, Beauty, Gardening and Wildlife Watch (see p4 for details of other regular contributions). Send an email to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk.

4 Winnie the Pooh. Tigger, Rabbit, Owl and the eponymous bear reunite for the latest big-screen Pooh adventure. The story takes place over one day in Hundred Acre Wood and involves a contest to find Eeyore a new tail. The animation stays true to past films—with no iffy 3D.

A rich, irrepressible charmer with an almost bionic eye for the ladies? Sounds familiar territory for Russell Brand, but in this remake of the 1981 Dudley Moore classicArthur,he's actually acting. Ultimately, our hero has to give up his philandering to choose between the girl he loves and an arranged marriage to secure his fortune.

ESCAPE THAT WEDDING

Blanket coverage of the royal nuptialswon't be for everyone. Butyou can avoid it without leaving Britain.

• Hike to Knoydart. The remote Scottish peninsula (below) is unreachable by road.A16-mile trek to get

to the village of Inverie is not for the faint-hearted, but there is a pub atthe end of it!

• Go on a Buddhist retreat. The London Buddhist Centre's "The Attack of Mara Spring Retreat" (April 23-May 2) takes place deep in rural Suffolk. Get afresh perspective on life far away from TVs and crowds.

• Spend two weeks (Apri116-May 2) in Sheffield's Crucible Theatre watching frame after frame of the World Snooker Championship.

• Live at Leeds 2011 (April 29 -May 1) features bands including Glasvegas and the distinctly un-regal sounding Pulled Apart By Horses.

LISTEN

Radio 2's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent music releases

Build a Rocket Boys! by Elbow Think Radiohead with Northern soul.

Elbow's slow-but-steady rise from the back bar of the Corner Pin pub in Stubbins — elbow to the stadiums of the world has restored one's faith in the maxim "talent will out". This new album is not cynically packed with arm-waving anthems but it's simply bursting with imagination, ideas, stunning melodies and, at the heart of each song, Guy Garvey's muscular, poetic lyrics. Fabulous.

Credo by Human League Think that Hovis ad: as good today as they've n always been. After the return of OMD and other of their one-finger synthprodding peers, make way for the best of them all. Human League began as a dark art project and suddenly, brilliantly (thanks to the acquisition of two schoolgirls found dancing at the Crazy Daisy disco) became global stars. This new record is still imbued with both art-school cool and hen-night fun.

A Dog's Life by The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band

Think Monty Python: The Musical. They invented the phrase Cool Britannia and, in "The Intro and the Outro", made one of the few really funny pop records. This three-CD set features all that the Bonzos (now touring with guest vocalists like Phill Jupitus) ever did— for the most part, it still raises the spirits and a chuckle.

Ad

ire\

It's World Heritage Day on April 18—time to check out some unusual buildings given listed status in the last year. Shakespeare Centre, Stratford-upon-Avon.At first blush, it looks like a Sixties office block, but the Bardthemed library and archive has "attractive embellishments", according to minister for tourism and heritage John Penrose.

Milton Keynes shopping centre. Its director reportedly called it "nondescript and characterless" but the Seventies architecture is considered important.

WANT THE

Dunboyne Road estate, L north London.A cut above the usual council housing.

Ben Cruachan dam and power station, Argyll. The turbines of this modern power station are buried inside a mountain.

If you reckon your flat-screen 3D TV is cutting edge, some of the new domestic technology at Grand Designs London Live (Excel, April 30-May 8) may force a rethink. Cybertecture Mirror (right). As well as allowingyou to check your hair is straight, the reflective screen enablesyou to access the internet, watch films and follow exercise routines. Smart Hydra Bath.Digital controls run water to your exact desired temperature and depth.

Click & Grow flowerpot.Automatically releases nutrients stored on a cartridge, so plants grow without any watering or other intervention from you.

Clean Closet.A cupboard that scans clothes for impurities, then cleans them using molecular technology.

GIVE

If you're a little bit jaded with playing daft jokes on your friends, this April Fool's Day (and the rest of the month) offers plenty of scope for commendable altruism. The Big Chocolate Tea Party.Hold a sweet gettogether to raise moneyfor The Sick Children's Trust. Toddle Waddle (below). Arrange sponsored walks

TIME TO... read \

for the under-fives in aid of the Meningitis Trust. The Oxfam Curiosity Shop.Selfridges hosts Britain's biggest charity pop-up store, featuring designer clothing created and stocked by celebrities. The Soldiers' Charity Big Curry.Cook spicy meals for friends and family in aid of servicemen in need.

• For more details, visit readersdigest.co.uk

Rosie's War, Rosemary Say and Noel Holland (Michael O'Mara, £17.99) The plight of British people trapped in Nazi-occupied France is an oft-forgotten aspect of c-i.; the Second World War. But, as ayoung au pair, Rosemary Say found herself whisked from Paris to an internment camp in Besancon. This story of her horrifying imprisonment and daring escape is both frank and satisfyingly unsentimental.

All in a Day's Work, Becky Hope (Hodder & Stoughton, £10) Veteran child-protection worker Becky Hope's memoir portrays a hectic, emotionally draining and occasionally frightening life. Characters include tiny Sarah, who had a broken arm and several cracked ribs by the time she was rescued, and Clare, who struggled to look after her three children in between visits to Alcoholics Anonymous. But amid the inevitable tragedies, Hope recounts victories and some uplifting happy endings, too.

Random Acts of Politeness, Andrew Taylor (The History Press, £9.99)

George Orwell might not be remembered as a great philanthropist but, according to Andrew Taylor, while editing literary magazineTribune,he used to stuff tenshilling notes in with the rejection slips he sent out to contributors. This collection covers bizarre extremes of good manners exhibited by public figures, from Sammy Davis Jnr, who picked up the drinks bill for an entire audience, to Gandhi, who enjoyed giving away his shoes.

WHAT I'M DOING

RD reader Peter Bacanin, 53, musical instrument salesman

WatchingWatchdog, (BBC1). I love to see people who rip others off get their comeuppance.

Listening Lonely Avenue, Ben Folds and Nick Hornby. The US singer did the music and Hornby wrote the lyrics. Online basschat.co.uk.

I play bass in Nearly Dan, a Steely Dan tribute act. This chat forum for my fellow bass players is addictive.

ReadingBlacklands by Belinda Bauer. A great novel about a lad who writes to a killer in prison —who murdered his uncle.

• Like to appear in What I'm Doing? Email excerpts @readersdigest.co.uk

atPush the boat out this Easter with Britain's most luxurious and unusual chocolate eggs.

• The Glam Egg(Demarquette, £35).

Billed as the confectionery equivalent of Alexis Colby's shoulder pads, the 20CMtall, 71%-dark-chocolate shell is coated in velvet-textured white chocolate. The six mini eggs inside include Yorkshire Rhubarb and Cornish Sea Salt flavours.

• The Diamante (Harrods, £95). Just 5o of this sugar-crystal encrusted design will be made.

• Dark Chocolate Ostrich Egg (Hotel Chocolat, £65). The huge shell is studded with crunchy almond slivers and comes with a box of chocs featuring gianduja and praline flavour, and truffle eggs with champagne.

e• The Colossal Egg(Fortnum & Mason, £85). Five dark chocolate eggs hidden one inside the other, like a Russian doll. Each shell is a different flavour: Mole Spice, Orange, Quebradon Coffee, Rose & Violet and English Mitcham Mint.

• William Curley handcrafted egg (£750).The London chocolate legend's design is 6ocm high and can be filled with presents such as diamonds or trinkets. •

POWER OF ONE

How

people like you are making the world a better place

When a suicidal woman jumped into the sea, a Plymouth teen was determined to save her

Spring is here and Danielle McCourt is revelling in the sunny views over Plymouth Sound from the seafront cafe where she works.

It's a far cry from a dramatic, blustery day last October. Danielle,19, was making coffee when a customer came in and told her that a woman had jumped into the water. Danielle rushed out onto the promenade. Below her, a woman aged around 40 was wading into the rough sea and shouting at onlookers to go away.

Danielle realised that this was a suicide attempt. The current grabbed the woman and dragged her 30 yards from the shore.I'm not going to watch her die, thought the teenager.

She walked down stone steps into the sea. The cold took her breath away, but still she launched herself into the waves. Danielle reached for the woman, but she struggled and kneed her. The youngster recalled a story her father Derek had told her. He'd been part of a naval team trying to save the crew of a fishing boat. None of them had survived. Danielle wanted this to be different.

But she was only small while the woman was at least 11 stone and water was crashing over their heads. Still, Danielle put an arm around her, held her chin and pulled her backwards as fast as she could. The woman stopped struggling. Swimming against the tide was hard but, after ten minutes, they made the shore. 0

The woman sat shivering but said nothing. Danielle wanted to hug her, but she clearly had serious mental-health issues, and by now the police had turned up to take her to hospital.

When dad Derek heard what had happened, his response was mixed. "I thought Danielle had been silly and I had a go at her," he says. "But I was proud." Devon & Cornwall Police were certainly impressed—they 0 0 have nominated Danielle for a Royal Humane Society bravery award. 0 = "I'd do it again," she insists. Susannah Hickling mr,

44kV. Plunging in the deep end: when DanieUe McCourt saw a woman attempting suicide, she knew she had to do something

The sky's the limit for seriously ill children, thanks to an East Sussex pilot

take to the air, he realised, would give them and their families some respite from their daily difficulties.

Robert Vallier looks on as Misha takes control

Misha waited with her parents at Gloucester airport on September zo last year. The eight-yearold girl, who has cerebral palsy, partial sight in one eye and then had total hair loss following two bonemarrow transplants, was about to take to the skies.

"Time to go," said pilot Robert Vallier. He strapped her into the front of a four-seater plane—with Mum and Dad sitting in the back—and they took off, giving Misha a new perspective on her local area. Delight replacing anxiety, she even took the controls. "Roger!" she called out in a tiny voice to Robert's directions.

Misha is one of 11

seriously ill kids—some of whom won't live past 20 —whom Robert took up in planes around the country lastyear. "I think she's the one I have the fondest memories of," says the 57-year-old from Battle, East Sussex. "She rarely complains about her condition and, if she does, it's about having no hair. She was so stricken with illness,yet so enthusiastic."

The flights are part of Robert's new Touch The Sky project. The private pilot—who three years ago also set up the Ufosa charity, which provides books for remote South African communities— knows how upliftingflying can be. Allowing sick kids to

Misha isn't the only youngster to have loved their trip. Gurmuka, a 17-year-old from Biggin Hill, London, has had eight inches of his left leg removed due to cancer, but was so taken with his flight he now wants to be a pilot.

Robert raised £10,000 to launch Touch The Sky by walking 350 miles from Sussex to Snowdon. "But we relied on aero clubs providing aircraft for free lastyear," he explains. "Now we're asking trusts and businesses to back us."

With funding and the help of local pilots, Robert hopes to give ic)o families flights from 5o UK airports over the nextyear. "Our job then is to find the children who need our help," he says. "Putting a smile on a child is what it's all about," Dan Tye •

» For details of the Touch The Sky project, go to read ersd igest.co.0 k/li nks.

Guernsey Walk

along beaches. ruble across forts.

One minute you're strolling on golden sands, the next you're exploring an ancient fort. That's what makes the stunning Channel Island of Guernsey so special — there's so much to explore, you never know what you're going to discover next. Visiting the island couldn't be much easier. The language and currency are the same as the UK's, and you can fly from 11 UK airports in as little as 45 minutes. Fast ferries also make the crossing in around two and a half hours from Poole and Weymouth and a traditional ferry sails from Portsmouth.

To order your free brochure & DVD, freephone

0800 028 5353 quoting ref: 17/4 or go to visitguernsey.com

FLY FROM Belfast, Birmingham, Bristol, East Midlands, Exeter, Gatwick, Isle of Man, Manchester, Norwich, Plymouth, Southampton & Stansted. SAIL FROM Poole, Weymouth & Portsmouth.

NO, REALLY!

I was babysitting my friend's four-year-old daughter Amber when we decided to take the bus back home from the park.

We boarded the 172 and, as I paid the fare, Amber ran to the back and sat next to a large, matronly woman. Fixing her with a look and pointing at me, she said in a loud, confident voice, "That man there isn't my dad." I stood frozen to the spot as the whole bus scrutinised me.

Amber just smiled.

Craig Woodrow, London

My local dental practice is always busy, so when I called to make an appointment, I tried to get off to a good start.

"This is a long shot," I said, "but is there a space for a lonelytooth?"

My stab at humour didn't cut any ice with the dour receptionist. She told me she couldn't fit me in until Wednesday. I knew it was a long shot.

"Make it Wednesday then," I replied.

"Eleven o'clock?" she asked.

"OK," I said.

"Fine, Mr Longshot. Eleven o'clock it is."

Ken Potter, Brighton

On holiday in Greece last year, we discovered why the locals don't park their cars under trees in the shade.

When we returned, we found three goats standing happily on the roof of our hire car, eating the foliage. Catherine Edgley, Angus

During a hospital scene in an old film we were watching, a doctor held up a newborn baby and gave it a smack on the bum.

LIVE FOOTRALL HERE

"Did that baby bite the doctor?" my son asked, alarmed.

Jason David, Hertfordshire

When my friend was ill, she asked her husband to make her some toast. He was a useless cook, but he could surely manage that. When the snack finally arrived, my friend asked why it wasn't toasted. Her husband pointed to the toaster and said, "I put the bread in there, then pressed the button." Sadly, he'd pressed defrost.

Jennie Graham, Wakefield, West Yorkshire

While out shopping, my daughter dropped a coin into a paper cup

held by a man sitting in a shop doorway.

She could still hear his curses from the end of the street after hot coffee had splashed all over him.

Francesca Nield, Cheshire

" There's a lady in our bridge class who chatters incessantly. One week, she said that she'd just planned her own funeral and wanted it to be a cheerful affair.

"And you're all invited," she told us.

To which our tutor shot back, "When is it?"

Allan Cohen, Leeds

On a cinema trip with my sister, we took her two grandchildren for a toilet break before the film. Louie, aged three, noticed

the pictures on the doors.

"What are those?" he asked. My sister explained that the male symbol meant the toilet was for men, the disabled symbol for people in wheelchairs, and so on.

As we approached the ladies, Stanley, aged five, shouted, "Stop! This one is for people with one leg." Lynne Armstrong, London

I recently went on an "open day" outing to the BT Tower in London. We were greeted by a lift attendant. "How are you?" I asked.

"Up and down," he replied.

Nigel Davidson, Croydon

I overheard a woman in the photo-processing shop asking if they were able to reprint a photo with a person taken out.

"No problem at all," said the assistant.

"Which person?"

The lady held up a photo of the Queen travelling down The Mall and pointed to a policeman holding back the crowd.

"Why him?" asked the assistant.

"Because I'm standing behind," she explained. Robert Mendoza, Essex

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1 juke(jook) v A to attack verbally

B weep quietly C dance

2 blatn A newspaper B drinking mug

C gold tooth

3 roustabout(rowst-about) n

A amusement arcade B casual labourer

C late-night party

4 gumshoe n A detective B bad athlete C ancient tree

5 caboose (cab-oos) n A railway carriage B leather bag C chatterbox

6 stoop n A boxing punch B front-door steps C steeply sloping roof

7 mego(megg-oh) n A resignation letter B Californian sushi C boring topic

ro' foosball (foohs-ball)n A battered book B unpopular girl C table football

9 eelskin(eels-kin)n A thin sandwich

B adollar C paper hat

10 cootie(kooh-tee) n A louse

B dancing partner C imitation duck

11 oatburnern A expensive combine harvester B farmer's wife

C worthless horse

12 bunkumn A nonsense B sleeping bag C fine sand

Harry Mount, language guru, tests your vocabulary

On April 12,1861-150 years ago—a Confederate attack on the Federal garrison in South Carolina sparked off the American Civil War. The "Limeys" had fled the scene by then, so there are plenty of American words that remain unfamiliar to us Brits. See how many you know by answering A, B or C below.

13 sophomore (soff-more) n

A conman B genius professor C secondyear student

14 Toole (loo-ee)n A doctor's note B copper coin C lieutenant

15 sorority(sorr-orr-itee) n A apology B female society C wound

A WORD IS BORN

When times get tough, one thing keeps on growing—the dictionary. In the197os we suffered from stagflation (stagnation, high inflation and high unemployment). Agflation hit in the last decade, when soaring agricultural prices sparked off inflation rises. And now the new buzzword is slowflation, the combination of a slowly growing economy and spiralling inflation. There's no official definition of when slowflation hits. But if we come out of the recession at a snail's pace over the next fewyears, while prices climb at a much faster rate, then RD RATING the word's usefulness Useful? 6/10 rating will start to soar. Likeable? 5/10 Ar.

WORD POWER

juke—C dance. From Gullah juke, meaning disorderly. Gullah is the language of the black people of the South Carolina coast.

2 blat—A newspaper. "Her wedding was all over the Sunday blats." From German Blatt (newspaper).

3 roustabout—B casual labourer. Nineteenth century,from roust (to rouse).

foosball—C table football. Twentiethcentury slang term for football.

9 eelskin—B a dollar. Early 19th century (the thin nature of a note, like an eel's skin).

10 cootie—A louse. First World War term, from Malay kutu (parasitic insect).

Did You Do?

9-11 a good attempt 12-13 you're starting to impress us here 14-15 you're a word-power wizard!

4- gumshoe—A detective. Early 2oth century,from the sort of shoe that suggested stealth. caboose—A railway carriage. Borrowing from Dutch kabuis.

6 stoop—B front-door steps. "She sat on the stoop all day." Mid-18th century, from Dutchstoep (verandah).

7 mego—C boring topic. Mego (My Eyes Glaze Over) was first used by Nixon White House staff.

H oatburner—C worthless horse. "That oatburner will be no good on the farm." Early loth century. 2 bunkum—A nonsense. Mid-19th century, from Buncombe County, North Carolina, where a congressman made a second-rate speech.

13 sophomore—C second-year student. "The sophomores got the best room in the frat house." Originally from Greeksophos (wise).

WORD JOURNEY

When John Logie Baird first demonstrated the transmission of moving images in 1925, the revolutionary medium needed a new name— television.A new word, yes, but its constituent parts are ancient."Tele" comes from the ancient Greek te/os, meaning "far"; and "vision" is from the Latinvidere,"to see." The practice of making English words from classical ones had been around ever since Julius Caesar invaded Britain in 55BC. But the combination of Greek and Latin derivations in a single word is highly unusual.

beta kappa sorority was the intellectual one." University term, from Latin soror (sister). • How

14 Toole—C lieutenant. Early 2othcentury abbreviation. sorority—B female society. "The phi

More Word Power on the Web! For more vocabulary-building fun online, go to readersdigest.co.uk/wordpower.

If you have a word-related question or language teaser for Harry, please email theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk.

NOT IF, BUT WHEN...

Hello to you

Imagine being able to buy direct from a poster or magazine advert, or to transfer data effortlessly from one phone to another—like Bluetooth, but instant.

That's how Near Field Communication technology will revolutionise mobile phones. Usingthe touch technology behind Oyster cards, it promises swipe-card applications for all kinds of electronic transactions from money to keys. Butby 2018its greatest impact will be in social networking. You could, at the press of a button, exchange your profile with another person—whetheryou're searching for a hot date, someone with a bike to sell, fellow football fans or those with a shared illness.

Gary Rimmer takes a look at what the future has in store i

A slimmer you

If only losing weight were as easy as breathing...But a recent discovery by UCLA biochemists could make that happen.

A new you

Japanese scientists recently demonstrated a magnet-based technology for fast-freezing sushi that could also preserve... teeth. These could then be transplanted back into a donor—up to 4o years later. This technology could also revolutionise transplant surgery. Organs can't be frozen quickly without toxic doses of anti-freeze so, faced with a patient, transplant surgeons can only hope to find a suitable chilled donor organ—fast.

Combined with our emerging ability to build new organs (fusing stem cells onto aform of"bio-scaffolding"),this technology means thatby 2030,investing in a custom-built heart to use maybe 40 years later could become commonplace.

The "glyoxylate shunt" is a process some bacteria use to turn fats to sugar, normally absent from cells in mammals. But when genes encodingthis process were transplanted into mice on a high-fat diet, the mice stayed thin

and converted the fat into CO2, not sugar. The same happened with cultured human cells. Gene therapy is still in its infancy, but once diseases such as cancer have been overcome, inserting "missing" genetic abilities might be next.

So by 2o45,the only sign you're tryingto lose weight could beyour CO2 emissions... •

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IF I RULED THE WORLD

This month,' Johnst:i Kingdom onTifiystioavv.

Tet*:tiite F-t titton 4

JOHNNY KINGDOMis a wildlife filmmaker, TV presenter and writer who has lived his entire life on Exmoor in North Devon. Now age 71, he has been a farmer, quarryman, lumberjack, poacher and, for over 5o years, the local gravedigger. After an horrific lumberjack accident, Johnny started to film the animals on Exmoor and has since made over 3o films and written three books.

...I'd bring back national service. When I joined the army in 19581was a very wild man and I thought my world had come to an end. But instead of swearing and fighting and thinking I was so big, I was brought down to a certain level. You learned to stand up straight and you never dared answer back. It was thanks to national service that I turned my life around. The crime on our streets today is terrible. Those causing all

the trouble—both men and women —need discipline. A stint in the forces would sort it out.

...I'd stop gun licences being issued to inexperienced owners. There are people out there with no understanding of the consequences of irresponsible gun use. Afirearms course should be compulsory before getting a licence or permit. On Exmoor, our red deer are being shot by people who have no background in handlingguns. Some rifle bullets can travel three miles, kill one deer and go straight through and kill another.

...I'd do everything possible to prevent war.There should be more talking. There's no need to be killing people. Politicians should just keep on talking until a solution is found. I feel sorryfor our soldiers in Afghanistan. They're brave but they're fighting cowards—people who put bombs in the ground and then hide away with a detonator to

blow our men up. We're not on earth to die like that—that's not the way.

...I'd let nature take its own course. If you interfere in country lifeyou cause more problems. For instance, around 3oyears ago the government decided to protect the badger. Now the animal is being blamed for bovine TB and thousands may be culled under new laws. Ask anyfarmer—they'll tell you that we shouldn't have protected the badger in the first place. Please, leave country life alone.

...I'd ask people who come from the cities to the country to respect our way of life. I've heard of people who visit for holidays and don't like the roosters calling or the church bells ringing. Well, they shouldn't come here then! What kind of people don't like the noise of a rooster? It's a lovely sound!

...I'd encourage people to get out more. It's not good to stay inside watching TV—go out and watch what's all around instead. My life's been a hard road and I've had some knocks over theyears. But after I took a video camera out onto the moors, I stopped feeling low. If you go and sit beside a den or set and just wait for the animals to appear it can be wonderfully uplifting. There's so much to gain from interaction with nature.

WORLD TRAVELLER

Who's doing what around the globe

► SWEDISHfirm

Jernhusen has found a way to harness the energy generated by Stockholm Central Station's 250,000 daily commuters. They've installed a ventilation system, including heat exchangers, that uses excess body warmth to heat water for a nearby office block —and it reduces energy costs by a quarter.

► US food giant Kraft has unveiled a new supermarket kiosk for indecisive shoppers that recommends products to customers based on their faces. The Meal Planning Solution machine uses video technology to analyse age, gender and facial features to suggest possible recipes.

► Developers inGERMANY have created the world's smallest image projector, only 6mm by 6mm. The tiny gadget uses 45 micro lenses and can fit inside a smartphone.

>> Johnny Kingdom gives regular "safari" tours around Exmoor. See readersdigest.co.uk/links.

► InINDIAyoung girls are having their lives `bought back" for them through the controversially named Girl Store charity website. Visitors can pay online for essential supplies—pencils, shoes, a lunchboxto help girls who would not otherwise be able to afford an education. •

INSTANT EXPERT Alternative Voting

After a huge tussle between the Commons and the Lords earlier this year, the Alternative Vote (AV) referendum will take place on May 5—the same day as elections to the Scottish Parliament, the Welsh Assembly, the Northern Ireland Assembly and local elections in parts of England.

■ Neither the Liberal Democrats nor the Conservatives included an AV referendum in their manifestos. But, as part of the Coalition negotiations after the last election, the Conservatives accepted the Lib Dems' request for a referendum.

MI Under AV (currently used in Fiji, Papua New Guinea and Australia) voters choose candidates in their constituency in order of preference. If a candidate gets more than 5o per cent of first-preference votes, they are elected. But if no candidate gets 5o per cent, the candidate with fewest votes is eliminated. The second-choice votes of those who backed that least popular candidate are then allocated to the remaining candidates. This process

of elimination and vote redistribution continues until one candidate has at least 5o per cent of all votes.

Et Supporters of AV say the current first-past-the-post system is unfair on smaller parties—at the last election, the Lib Dems got 23 per cent of the vote, but only nine per cent of the seats.

■ AV supporters—such as deputy prime minister Nick Clegg—say that votes for smaller parties are "wasted" in seats dominated by one

Harry Mount ., gives you the facts behind the news

of the two larger parties. Under AV, more power is given to those "wasted" votes. (Ed Miliband, voted Labour leader through AV, also backs the change.)

■ Supporters of first past the post, like David Cameron, say that AV leads to more coalitions, with broad but weak support; while first past the post produces robust government, with narrower but stronger support.

■ Systems other than first past the post have already been used. The Scottish Parliament and Welsh Assembly elect a majority of their representatives using first past the post, but the rest are elected using the additional-member system, a form of proportional representation. Electors therefore have two votes on separate ballot papers.

• Northern Irish local and assembly elections use the single-transferable-vote system—any candidate getting a certain number of votes is elected; the surplus votes are then transferred to other candidates based on voters' preferences. •

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Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 5

Sshhhh!

Be quiet out there. It's time to stand and stare— or, in this case, float...

I push the Kevtar Evergreen canoe off the stone beach and float backwards towards the middle of the lake. There's 38 minutes of daylight left and that's enough time to float off and away into the middle of nowhere. The sun's almost gone, but there's still enough warmth in the day to go out in a T-shirt and life jacket. If you think all canoeing is white water and rage, think again. This is the stillest place I've been on earth.

On the shore I can hear the boys laughing and joking about wolves and bears, their humour crackling with inner-city paranoia. Their voices bounce across Pen Lake, which—like so many others in Algonquin Park, Ontario—is a huge rippling space under siege from forests. There's a third of the earth's still water in Ontario, and a paddle is gently steering me deeper into it.

The setting is an area steeped in industrial and ecological history. What

appears now to be pure nature was once the heart of pure industry. After just three days away camping and paddling, it feels like we've been away for weeks. We constantly see grey lake and green banks—no mirrors, no media, no neon, no sharp edges, just solitude and water and leaves. The trees that surround us look amazing, bursting into reds and ochres and limes.

Back on the shore, we five guys who were strangers a few days ago gather by the fire. The atmosphere is boisterous and funny. The worst-case scenario, we assume, is being savagely attacked by wolves while going to the toilet in the woods.An American Werewolf in London has a generation to apologise to. Only our guide, Robin from Call of the

James Brown

Wild, knows differently. Robin describes once seeing a pair of eyes staring at him across a camp at night: a wolf (perhaps half-wolf, half-dog) that might have been released from captivity; perhaps a pet that grew too big. But unusual for one to come and sit at the edge of a camp—they know humans will hunt them and they keep away. This one must have been used to being around humans. It doesn't exactly calm our fears. "So they might come up to us, but if they do they'll be wanting a biscuit and a pat on the back?"

After even just these few days of paddling, it now seems strange just to lie back and stare up at skies full of stars. We start to howl—only to double up with laughter when one man's wolf call is another's bad Kenneth Williams impression. To the city boy there's nothing here—taxi anyone?— and yet there's everything. There's peace and tranquillity. There's thousands ofyears of natural history. There's an industry that built the British Empire, then disappeared. There are elk, bears and wolves out there somewhere. And there's a clutch of red trees amid the green that look like a jigsaw piece in the wrong puzzle. I've been in a canoe like this in the English Channel, but it had none of the power the forests of hemlock, balsam spruce, white birch, maple .1)

Forthoseofuswhotoilatscreens, thewalksfromlaketolakeoffera tinyglimpseofreal-worldwork

1) and white pine give Algonquin. When we paddle off from lake to lake, down beaver streams and across huge bays, it's the red jigsaw-piece trees that are my marker to say there's just 4o minutes of paddling back to the camp.

"Turn left at the rock," we laugh. "And then up the inlet to the bank, carry the canoe through another forest and repeat." For the short-attention-span internet generation, the change of pace seems a challenge. But we're having a fantastic time, constantly in awe of nature. Travel writing is essentially slacking with a passport, but, unlike most of us, these forests have seen hard work—work that took lives and propelled a navy around the globe, turning it pink with the stamp of Empire as it went.

After defeating the French in the Napoleonic Wars, the British rebuilt their fleet with the Algonquin forest, declaring it would provide timber for 1,000 years. The huge white pine trees made perfect ships' masts, and so began the modern logging industry. Within 8o years the forest was spent.

What followed was the hard-bitten era of logging and lumberjacks. Young men sewn into their underwear until the sweat rotted it off, driven by poverty to live two to a bunk in small stone hovels. They worked 18-hour days throughout the year until the snow physically stopped them, then started up again after the ice thawed.

This industrial-scale endeavour has long since ended, but at one stage we climb over a dam and Robin explains that it was once the end point to the busiest railway in Canada—an engine, loaded with timber, leaving every seven minutes. We glance around. Nothing. It couldn't have looked less like a railway station.

Peer closer, though, and you can see the odd trace. An iron pin juts from the smooth boulder of a natural log flume. A cleaned log lies half submerged by a waterfall. In Alberta, a diving company has begun recovering these lost logs for designers and architects. The cold lakes have preserved them perfectly and these i,000-year-old trunks offer better wood stock than modern trees. They go for big money.

If the movement now as I rest zoo yards from shore is almost imperceptible, then carryingthese huge hefty canoes through the forests is anything but. Look at the canoes in the photos and you'd imagine two of us carrying them, one at each end. Far from it—it's a one-man job. The canoes are tipped up at one end and "walked" onto the shoulders, worn like an enormous hat, with wooden yokes across the back of the neck for balance.

Just tighten your stomach muscles, develop a pace and you eventually become accustomed to the nature of the walk. Up muddy slopes and along occasional decking, it's a challenge to the mind as

much as the body. For those of us who toil at keyboards and screens, the half-mile walks from lake to lake, and the immediate return for the bags with the camping equipment, offer a tiny glimpse of real-world work. Walkingthrough a wood four times carrying canoes and rucksacks full of pans and burners is as close to the action as it gets for us armchair explorers. And yet this is where modern man

For more details of Call of the Wild adventure holidays, visit readersdigest. co.uk/links

can still truly come alive. Not out on the disco floor or flexing behind the endless debt potential of the credit card in a shopping mall. Here is where we were originally supposed to be. Floating in all nature's stillness, staring up at the sky. Watching the day turn to dusk. Knowingyour life is doing the same. Out here on Pen Lake we go at nature's pace, not our own, and we're all the better for it. •

\MOPPING THE BLOOD OFF THE TRACKS

As Bob Dylan gears up to celebrate his 70th birthday, it's only fair to raise a glass to this influential genius. But, amidst all the praise, let's also recall those times when his output was, ahem, less than memorable: Self-Portrait,1970: "What is this shit?" That's how music writer (and Dylan obsessive) Greil Marcus opened his album review. A slapdash collection of badly sung cover versions, it's so dreadful that some accused Dylan of deliberately alienating his fans. Having said that, 1990's "Wiggle Wiggle" is probably worse (sample lyric: "Wiggle wiggle wiggle like a bowl of soap/Wiggle wiggle wiggle like a rolling hoop/ Wiggle wiggle wiggle like a ton of lead/Wiggle, you can raise the dead."). After this debacle, Dylan wisely took a seven-year break from releasing new material.

Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, 1973:Bob makes his movie debut, playing a drifter called Alias. In the words of critic Roger Ebert, Dylan's screen presence "makes him look as if he's the victim of a practical joke involving itching powder".

Live Aid, 1985:Dylan is joined onstage by the not-always-tuneful pairing of Keith Richards and Ronnie Wood. They don't help. And despite it being a concert for Ethiopians, Bob dedicates this ramshackle performance to...American farmers.

Victoria's Secret, 2004: Bob starring in an ad for ladies' lingerie? It sounds like a bizarre joke, which is probably how Dylan saw it. But that doesn't explain why the company hired him. "Why would a brand that's about sexiness, youth, and glamour want any connection with a decrepit, sixty-something folksinger? The answer, my friend, is totally unclear," said journalist Seth Stevenson. Tom Browne

THE ROYAL WEDDING

An Insider's guide

WHAT GOES ON BEHIND THE SCENES ON THE BIG DAY-AND BEYOND? OUR ROYAL EXPERTS REVEAL

THE COACHMAN

DAVID E SAUNDERS is a former head coachman to the Duke of Edinburgh and took part in the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. He now runs a carriage-driving business in the US. was surprised to hear that Kate Middleton will be travelling to Westminster Abbey by car. The royals

do love horses, and the carriage

David E Saunders drives th carriage with Prince Philip and Frances Shand Kydd, Princess Diana's mother, duringthe wedding of Charles and Diana in 1981

procession is a major part of any big state L', ' occasion. The car may be a gesture to a 1.1 <CD "frugal" wedding, but in times of austerity, ›- it seems to me that people want a bit of a 01splash. All those carriages are already in the Royal Mews and people are being paid

CC to look after them and drive them, so why not make use of them?

0 FLIT

At least they're returningto Buckingham ,±; Palace in a carriage procession—that will be rehearsed to the nth degree. A week to

ten days before the wedding, the Crown Equerry [in charge of the Queen's horse and automobile transport], the Head Coachman and the Super-intendent of the Mews will drive the procession route by car and discuss logistics with the Metropolitan Police. That's everything from clearing side streets for emergency detours to ensuring street cleaners are placed at strategic points along the route. Horses do have a habit of making a mess!

Next will be an "undressed" rehearsal in the dead of night, using exercise vehicles, which allows the coachmen to pace the procession. The Queen likes things to be very precise—if she leaves at io.ozam to arrive for io.isam, she doesn't want to be there at io.i4am or io.i6am.

There will be a dress rehearsal, again at night, a couple of days before the wedding. It won't have full state livery but

"The coachmen adjust the springs so the carriage doesn't sway too much and make the passengers sick"

David E Saunders

it'll have the correct carriages, carrying people who weigh exactly the same as principal members of the wedding. This allows coachmen to adjust the springs so the carriage doesn't sway too much and make the passengers sick.

No matter how prepared you are, no matter how many processions you've driven in, a royal wedding is something special. You may be rubbed red sore in zoo-year-old tight buckskin breeches that 20 men have worn before you, but when the Crown Equerry bows to the Queen and the carriages move off— and you can't even hear yourself shout to the horses over the cheering of thousands of people—it's a quantum leap into another space.

THE BODYGUARD

ALEX BOMBERG is head of security firm Intelligent Protection International. He formerly worked as a royal aide at Kensington Palace.

The visible security for the royal wedding—the Metropolitan Police who will line the route—will be more or less ceremonial. For a state occasion of this importance, security is mainly managed "behind the scenes".

In the preceding weeks, the head of the Royal Protection Squad will get his guys to suss out the processional route and anywhere members of the royal family will be the night before the wedding. MI5 will be acting on any intelligence targets, monitoring mobile phones and watching for any "terrorist chatter" around the royal wedding. They will probably liaise with Revenue and Customs to see if anyone on any kind of watch list has entered the country.

On the day itself, all kinds of agencies will be involved. I would expect the SAS and MI5 to be supporting the Met, who will have plain-clothes officers in the crowd and armed officers at "choke points" leadingto or from the processional route. Anywhere that the convoy is likely to slow down will be well managed. All bins will be sealed against bombs and every rooftop covered in case of snipers.

Buckingham Palace and Clarence House are pretty much in lock-down anyway, but from the moment the royal couple get up in the morning, a security detail will follow them wherever they go. In close-protection

"I imagine closeprotection officers will walk behind or in front of the royal carriages, maybe posing as footmen" Alex Bomberg

terms, "striking distance" means one or two paces, and I imagine there will be officers walking slightly in front of or behind the royal carriages, maybe posing as footmen. You won't see them.

Close protection in the UK is very discreet. In the US, somebody like Madonna will be surrounded by huge bodyguards, but part of that very visible style of protection is just to make the "personality" look good. I'm not sure a six-foot guy weighing zo stone is going to do much good if the shit hits the fan.

But the guys that the police and special forces use here are like coiled springs. The happy couple will be in very safe hands.

THE FLORIST

JANE PACKER is one of the UK's leading florists. She was responsible for the flowers at the wedding of the Duke and Duchess of York in 1986.

Aroyal wedding takes months of full-on preparation, during which you are constantly at the bride's beck and call.

Flowers are a personal thing, but at the same time there are certain constraints. You don't want a bouquet that's too minuscule for a state occasion. On the other hand, it has to match the line and proportions of the dress, so the florist is one of the very few people who's in on that secret. You wouldn't necessarily know the details, but you'd know the basic silhouette.

The bridal bouquet will be tested to destruction," says florist eflacker

Sarah Ferguson wanted a bouquet in shades of peach shaped in an "S" for Sarah. My guess is that Kate will go for a very unfussy, stylish bouquet. I wouldn't be surprised if it was all just one flower—maybe a big, beautiful sheaf of arum lilies.

The Duchess of York made a point of arriving at the church (as a commoner)

with flowers in her hair and coming out after the ceremony (as a royal) in a tiara. It's possible that Kate will do the same.

The other flowers, too, are subject to the utmost confidentiality, which causes

a certain amount of strain for everyone involved. Florists' vans are blacked out to throw the press off the trail on visits to the palace for consultations, and all your suppliers are sworn to silence. The secrecy isn't enforced by a signed agreement, but it's expected as a matter of honour that you won't spoil the surprise. Sometimes you have to lay a few red herrings, but I can't say what ours were.

There will be literally thousands of blooms at the church, and every one must be in prime condition. Traditionally, the flowers are a gift from the Worshipful Company of Gardeners and a huge team

"Vans are blacked out to throw the press off the trail on visits to the palace for consultations"

Jane Packer

of professionals and volunteers are drafted in for the arrangements, which go on throughout the night before the wedding. The bridal bouquet will be practised over and over, and tested to destruction. On the day itself, at least three identical ones are supplied and kept in a cold store, to be swapped over at key points in the proceedings. That way there's no risk the royal bride will ever be caught on camera with even slightly drooping flowers. For the florist, this is a once-in-alifetime commission, and every petal must be perfect.

THE FAMILY AND

SERVANTS

BRIAN HOEY is a royal commentator and author of several books, including At Home with the Queen: Life Through the Keyhole of the Royal Household.

The wedding is at iiam, so Kate will arrive at Buckingham Palace to get ready very early in the morning. Her bridesmaids and mother will be there and the Queen likes to do anything she can to help, too. If there areyoung bridesmaids and pages scurrying around, she likes to keep them amused.

The bridal party will almost certainly all have a drink before they leave for the Abbey and the last thing they'll do is visit the lavatory.

William will leave from Clarence House, where he and Harry have a suite. In a break with tradition, William has opted to name Harry his best man (ratherthan "supporter", as is usual for royal weddings). I believe William will wear his RAF uniform. His valet will make sure everything is in order and—if Harry is anythingto go by— I think the brothers will be splitting a few glasses of Dom Perignon.

The bride and groom will have TV tuned to BBC, ITV and Sky while getting ready, to get an idea of the excitement in the streets. They'll keep on checkingthe screens throughout the day: they're absolutely fascinated by watchingthemselves on TV.

Meanwhile, the Royal Household will be gearing up, getting all the state rooms IL\

Attention to detail: the V4" . ' Queen inspects the table before a state banquet % - 0,1 f i at Windsor in 2001 .

in Buckingham Palace ready for the reception. They'll want to get the work done quickly so that most of them can sit down and watch the TV coverage.

The most important domestic servant is the Palace Steward. He'll have arranged all the seating, with the Master of the Household, for the wedding breakfast, and will measure each place setting with a ruler.

The Page of the Presence, with a couple of footmen,willput the champagne on ice for the returning wedding party and take it up to the Centre Room, behind the balcony facingthe Mall. Before they appear to the public, nearly everyone will have a drink.

Normally only the royal party and their families attend the wedding breakfast in the State Supper Room. But the Queen is also hosting a reception for 1,5oo guests in the state apartments, where drinks and

canapes will be served. Prince Charles is also hosting a late dinner dance for more than-i,000 guests.

They haven't got enough footmen and housemaids on the permanent staff of Buckingham Palace, so officials draft in volunteers —on minimum wage—to help with the serving. Then, at the end of the evening, they bring in people from the Royal British Legion to do all the washing-up. It's considered a great honour, and all the crystal and china is done by hand in wooden sinks, to prevent chipping.

Kate will keep her wedding dress on for her first dance with William at Prince Charles's party, then change later

"All

the crystal and china is washed up by hand in wooden sinks, to prevent chipping"

Brian Hoey

on. At some point in the evening, Prince Philip will ask the band to play his and the Queen's favourite tune, "People Will Say We're in Love" fromOklahoma.

Protocol demands that no one retires before the Queen. She wouldn't normally leave much later than midnight, as she's always aware that there are likely to be people there who are even older than her.

THE FUTURE

ANDREW MORTON is the bestselling author of Diana: Her True Story. His latest book William and Catherine: Their Lives, Their Wedding is published by Michael O'Mara next month.

For anybodygoing into the royal family, the key thing is to stand your corner or you'll be steamrollered. Don't lose your sense of whoyou really are. Kate Middleton is in danger of doing just that.

No one—certainly not the royal family—wants history to repeat itself. When Diana first married, she felt overwhelmed by her new royal existence and didn't have the time or energy to keep up with her friends and relatives. She felt isolated, alone, and it was only towards the end of her life that she reconnected with her friends and found her feet as an individual.

Kate is very close to her family but, during her courtship with Prince William, she neglected her close acquaintances—much to their dismay. Indeed, when she and the prince split in 2007, they breathed a collective sigh of relief. William is strong-willed and Kate is a very diffident person who's been happyto follow in his wake. She has to establish herself in her own right, independent of the royal family and, to some extent, of her husband. That's where her own friends will be vital.

You can see the pressures on Kate already. She's always been competitive, vying with her sister Pippa to be the thinner, and she needs to be careful of that. Most brides lose weight in the run-up to a wedding—including Diana— but Kate needs to ensure that she doesn't lose too much and that the dress fits on the big day.

I'm sure Kate doesn't want to be measured by Princess Diana all the time, but she's going to be. You have to remember that by the age of 29—Kate's age now—Diana had already had two children. She was also regularlyvisiting terminally ill hospital patients

"I'm sure Kate doesn't want to be measured by Princess Diana, but she will be"

and finding her own sense of purpose inside the royal system. For example, she'd shaken the hand of an Aids victim (against Palace advice)—an important humanitarian gesture at the time.

Rightly or wrongly, Kate's main claims to fame have been that she's patiently waited for her William to propose and

seems sober and smiling when leaving upmarket nightclubs.

My guess is that Kate's profile straight after the wedding will be lower than a stealth bomber. First of all, I'm sure she'll be pregnant soon. People forget that the main job of a future king is to produce another monarch. Every Prince of Wales

ROYAL DEGREES OF SEPARATION 1: JULIAN ASSANGE

JULIAN ASSANGEIS FRIENDLY WITH JOURNO

JOHN PILGER, WHO PROMISED TO STUMP UP THOUSANDS OF POUNDS TO HAVE HIS ACTIVIST PAL RELEASED ON BAIL FROM JAIL

JOHN PILGERTALKED TRUTH AND LIES WITH US JOURNALIST DAN RATHER IN PILGER'S DOCUMENTARY THE WAR YOU DON'T SEE, SHOWN IN DECEMBER 2010

has had children within 18 months of being married and I don't see this couple being any different.

Kate will also have to think quite carefully about which charities she supports. Neither she nor her family are noted for being charitable, but that's the backbone of a royal's work.

"Kate and her sister are known in snooty upperclass circles as `The Wisteria Sisters' for their social climbing" Andrew Morton

On the plus side, Kate has had eight years to think her new life through. And her new family have welcomed her, as they would any new family member, although I think it's significant that they can see that William has embraced the Middletons.

In some ways, Kate will fit right in. The royals are country folk. Kate is hearty and she's a joiner-inner. She's probably as fit as, if not fitter than, William. She's interested in country sports. The kind of things Diana couldn't and didn't want to do, Kate has made a point of doing.

Her fashion sense is good, so she won't make any bloomers. She's goingto be what she is now: "Kate Middle-of-the-Road". But she'll appeal to Middle England.

She's already on every magazine cover —soon she'll be on stamps and coins, and there's no doubt she'll enjoy the social prestige. She and her sister are known in snooty upper-class circles as "The Wisteria Sisters" for their social climbing and you can't climb further than being a future Queen. That seems to have been the summit of her ambition and she's achieved it.

The problem is that you fall in love with the idea and then the reality is very different. She'll have a royal protection officer, so she's not going to get mobbed by the paparazzi, but she'll have a butler, dresser and chauffeur hovering, and she's going to have to learn to deal with it—quite apart from the wider issue of living in the public eye.

She's going to be scrutinised for the rest of her life. My best advice to her is keep smiling. And don't read what they say about you in the papers. •

All interviews, except Brian Hoey, as told to E Jane Dickson

Unlikely royal wedding guests—and how they might have been invited...

DAN RATHER,ANCHOR OF US NEWS SHOW DAN RATHER PRESENTS, USED TO HAVE A YOUNG INTERNATIONAL JOURNALIST CALLED WILLEM

MARX WORKING AS A PRODUCER ON THE SHOW

WILLEM MARX,DASHING OXFORD GRADUATE AND KEEN PHOTOGRAPHER, WENT OUT WITH KATE, BACK WHEN SHE WAS A SCHOOLGIRL AT MARLBOROUGH COLLEGE

PHOTOGRAPHER IAN JONES HAS SPENT TWO DECADES RECORDING THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE ROYAL FAMILY. SO WE ASKED HIM: WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A MEMBER OF THAT EXCLUSIVE CLUB, THE ROYAL PRESS PACK?

Life through the lens

I've been photographingthe Royal Family for almost zo years. During the early days of my career with The Daily Telegraph, I travelled with the Prince and Princess of Wales to Korea. Then, following their separation, I covered their numerous solo tours, travelling with Prince Charles in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Bangladesh and then with Diana to Egypt, America and Angola.

I've also captured Prince William growing up: on the slopes of the Alps; spendingtime with the homeless; his final year at Eton; St Andrews and then the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst. I can't even remember the first time I took his photograph—possibly skiing when he was about eight, with his mother at Lech in Austria.

When the official announcement was made of his engagement to Catherine Middleton, I breathed a huge sigh of relief—they're just perfect for each other and I'm happy that I can officially start this phase of my job, taking pictures of them as a couple.

Prince William at Eton. These pictures were taken in his last months there as a kind of "thank you", says Ian, for the press pack giving him privacy at school

Graduation day at St Andrews. June 2005

The lucky official shot

As accredited royal photographers we have to follow very strict rules. Paparazzi will hang around outside nightclubs and the favourite haunts of the young royals. But as official Buckingham Palace Rota photographers we simply cannot consider taking those kinds of shots—frustrating, but understandable. So we knew of the existence of Kate Middleton but couldn't photograph her unless the situation was approved. Thankfully, there were a number of times when it wasn't regarded as intrusive. For example, Kate studied at St Andrews University, where she and William met, so at her degree ceremony, a photographer

IL\ from the Royal Rota was in an official position and able to photograph her (as a Rota photographer we take turns attending events to which we're invited by Buckingham Palace, distributing the same set of images to other members of the group). She attended William's passing-out parade at Sandhurst, and was seen at the weddings of mutual friends, all of which are regarded as acceptable circumstances.

It's the street harassment of Kate that's loathed by William and which he has tried, fairly successfully, to prevent. It's a bit annoying from a personal perspective when the majority of archive images of the future King and Queen are held by the paparazzi, but not, I suspect, as frustrating as their experiences with a small but very annoying group of young unofficial snappers...

The purely-by-chance shot

There have been rare occasions when an opportunity has come up when least expected. For example, everyyear I photograph the Badminton Horse trials in Gloucestershire. Zara Phillips competes and it's a magnificent event to attend. A couple of years ago I was wandering around the tented village looking for off-beat feature photographs when Kate Middleton was spotted with a small group of friends walking towards me. I simply took a few pictures as she walked past. As she walked down the row of canvas stalls I thought how fortuitous it was to capture a moment like this, but then my eye was drawn away from Kate (difficult, as she's a very beautiful woman) to the large industrial dustbin right next to her.

What you bin doing? Kate snapped by Ian at Badminton in 2008

"That's one of Norman's bins!" I commented to my colleague. The bin had a Grundon logo on the side, the name of the owner and founder of one of the UK's largest recycling firms. Norman Grundon happens to be a great personal friend of mine, so my first thought when Kate passed by was not,Which magazines would be receiving this set of images? but how delighted Norman would be with a photo of Kate Middleton next to one of his bins! Norman thought the whole thing was hilarious and the framed photograph now hangs in the boardroom of Grundon's head office. My day was complete!

Sporting interesting headwear at the marriage of Laura Parker Bowles and Harry Lopes in 2006. Friends' weddings are a legitimate place to snap Kate

An officer and a gentleman: Kate attends William's RAF graduation in April 2008

The "we're-an-item" shot

April 2008 saw the conclusion of William's training as an RAF Pilot and he was due to graduate at RAF Cranwell, Lincolnshire. As with his Sandhurst graduation, Kate was there, but keeping a much lower profile—a private arrival and departure had been

arranged, which disappointed the invited photographers. Thankfully, a couple of them were in the buildingto record the presentations. One of them, Michael Dunlea, was able to take a handful of pictures as William and Kate walked the corridor to the ceremony. These were distributed to all the Royal

Rota media organisations and were the only record of the two together that day. This was, and still is, one of the few occasions the couple could be officially pictured together with William in uniform. They look happy and relaxed, so it's no surprise the picture's been used again and again by the press.

ROYAL DEGREES OF SEPARATION 2: LADY SOVEREIGN

LADY SOVEREIGN,RAPPER AND ONE-TIMECELEBRITY BIG BROTHER CONTESTANT, KNOWN FOR HER SAUCY LYRICS—SUPPORTED FELLOW GRIME ARTIST DIZZEE RASCAL IN CONCERT

DIZZEE RASCALIS CHUMS WITH MEDIA MAGNATE RICHARD BRANSON, WHO WHISKED HIM AWAY FORA WEEK-LONG HOLIDAY AT HIS RESORT ON NECKER ISLAND LAST AUGUST

Finally! The smiley engagement shot

0ne of the most stressful times for the royals is when there's a sea of onlookers, and not a recognisable face in sight. With Camilla, I suggested the Duchess look out for the official photographers and smile and wave in that direction. The photographers have their picture, TV has a lovely opening shot, and I'd look out from behind the camera fora moment. This always seemed to put the Duchess at ease and seeing a friendly face in the crowd appeared to settle her early nerves. It also gave me a great smile straight down the lens and is still something I do today.

And its all offic William and Ka world, Novemb

It can get awkward, though, when we only have seconds to get the shot and it's improper not to acknowledge a, "Good morning, Ian," with a bow of the head and a, "Good morning, Your Royal Highness," in return. Sometimes a quick, "Morning Ma'am," has to do! The frustration of missing pictures of William and Kate soon

faded when a group of us were invited to St James's Palace to take the official engagement photograph.

Due to the number of photographers, the flashes were piercingly bright in the subtly lit State room. I needed the couple to look together into my lens, but it was almost impossible, as their eyes flitted from one camera to the next. I was first in there, so had a good central position. But I knew I wouldn't get the crucial photograph unless I took action.

The room was remarkably quiet, so it was relatively easy to engage William and Catherine in conversation. I asked, politely, if they'd look towards me, but realised they couldn't see through the blinding wall of flashes. William leaned forward and peered. "Ian, is that you?" he said. "I thought I recognised the voice." They both paused and beamed the most wonderful smile at me and—click!—I had the picture I'd been waitingyears to get. •

Unlikely royal wedding guests and how they might have been invited...

RICHARD BRANSONIS ALSO FRIENDS WITH PRINCESS BEATRICE, WHO ATTENDED HIS 6oTH BIRTHDAY BASH WHEN HE TRIED—AND FAILED—TO KITE-SURF THE ENGLISH CHANNEL

PRINCESS BEATRICE, DAUGHTER OF PRINCE ANDREW AND SARAH FERGUSON, CURRENTLY A STUDENT AT

LONDON'S GOLDSMITHS COLLEGE, IS WILL'S COUSIN

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SPENT TIME WITH WILLIAM OR KATE, THERE'S ONLY ONE QUESTION TO ASK: WHAT ARE THEY REALLY LIKE, THEN?

"William relished being in Africa." With Charlie Mayhew, head of Tusk

Olivia Lichtenstein (below), film-maker and novelist, worked with Prince William on a documentary about his work as Patron of Tusk Trust

The first time I met William was in May lastyear at Clarence House.

I was deep in the inner Royal sanctum, where the princes live. I noticed a family portrait on the wall—it was the Queen. He entered the room purposefully, his expression open and friendly, his hand outstretched in greeting. "Hello, I'm William."

It's often curious when you meet famous people in the flesh. Most are surprisingly small (Cheryl Cole, for example). Not so William. He's tall, slim, handsome and quick to laugh. His physique was badly served by an ill-fitting suit and I wanted to whisk him

to a good tailor. He's articulate and his words tumbled out quickly as he made us laugh with anecdotes about mischievous chimps at a camp in Kenya.

I was there to begin filming. The first day, William met the Battle Back soldiers, injured servicemen and women who'd be running a marathon in Kenyato raise money for Tusk. William immediately put them at ease as he joked about the wild animals that roam the route.

He has the same relaxed manner as Princess Diana, and when we interviewed him in Africa a few weeks later, he talked about her.

"My mother instilled in Harry and me from a veryyoung age that being grounded was very important," he told us. "I've reallytried to keep that going, and I know Harry has as well, because there's a lot of unreality in my life..." William made it clear that he and his brother don't want to be mollycoddled. I got the sense that their military lives are central to the feelingthey have of living in the real world.

"If you're not grounded you don't ever know what's going on. You can sort of claim you do, butyou don't ever feel it. So the more grounded and more normal—dare I say it—you can be, the better."

But however much they may wish it (and I get the strong sense that William really does at times), their lives are far from normal. When we next saw William, with Harry in Botswana a few weeks later, the world's press was out in force and there

was some unseemly jostling to get into position when the princes fondled two tame cheetahs at a nature reserve.

Both of them relished being in Africa. Later, on our own, William got bounced around in the back of an old Land Rover as we went off to start our interview. He's an Aston Villa fan and chatted with the crew about football. The cameraman and sound

and intense interest in his love life [the announcement of his engagement was six months off]. "There's always speculation, but it comes with the job, so get on with it," he said, adding, "I'm very lucky to be in my position, so I won't complain." And he didn't. He was self-deprecating and modest and talked rapidly, almost as though he found it embarrassing to talk about himself.

"I like having a very plain, sort of normal, side to my private life. I listen to music: music is really important to me" Prince William

recordist, who have travelled the world and met all kinds of people, commented on how easy he is to be around and how likeable. When William was about to board the small plane to fly back from the bush, I noticed that despite his small entourage of press and protection officers, he was carrying his own bag, which he loaded into the hold with a manner that suggested he's used to doing such things for himself.

It's precisely this down-to-earth "chappishness"that's endearing and makesyou aware of the burden royalty must be to bear. Can he ever do the things that men of his age normally do?

"Yes, I go out like anyone else," he said. "I like having avery plain, sort of normal, side to my private life. I listen to music: rock, dance, rap and hip-hop; music is really important to me." He has an iPod and commented on how much he enjoyed hearing Dizzee Rascal and Florence and the Machine at a music event in Wales, where he was currently stationed with the RAF. He was philosophical about the constant

Yet for all William's boyish enthusiasm (at times he seems younger than his 28 years),you catch a glimpse of a steely determination to be his own man that remindsyou of his grandfather. When asked whether he has to accept that there will always be people who'll make decisions about what he can and can't do, his answer was firm. "No, that's the thing: I don't," he said. "I like to disagree with them because many of the things they come out with are old-fashioned and don't work nowadays, or are just wrong. People have incorrect views of what it's like to be in the Family, for instance, and I want to correct them...I take in lots of opinions and then make my own judgements. People have got different perceptions of how things should be and, invariably,you're fighting the system rather than anything else."

When William left at the end of filming, he leaned out of the plane and shook my hand, saying, "Bye, Olivia, thanks." It's impossible not to be charmed by someone who remembers your name. I wanted to tell him how proud his mother would be of him.

Australian author Kathy Lette, 52, met the royal couple at a polo event.

Arriving at the Dalwhinnie Crook polo match in Gloucestershire a year ago, I was sipping Pimm's in the marquee when I noticed a tiny version of our tent further down the field. Curious,I wandered off to take a peek. And there, all alone, was Kate Middleton. I was struck bythe visual echo of Princess Di all forlorn at the foot of the Taj Mahal, and immediately suggested that she join in the fun with myfriends. "Oh no," she laughed. "I have to watch every moment. There'll be an inquisition later," she rolled her eyes, with mock terror.

"Why don'tyou play, at least?" I suggested, as we rushed onto the field between chukkas to stamp down the divots. Ms M raised a wry brow and confessed, "I'm allergic to horses." Now it was myturn to laugh. "Hon, I think you might be marrying into the wrongfamily. I mean the Royals are so horsey they practically count with one foot!"

Kate's a match for William. She's personable, bright and also has an independent streak. During their brief separation in April 2007, the press made much of the snobbery William's upper-class friends directed at Kate's air-stewardess mother. It was reported that they would signal Kate's arrival by chortling "doors to manual". But I have no doubt the downto-earth KM has already

concluded that the "cream of British society" just means rich, thick and prone to whipping.

Dudley Spencer, 36, from London, owner of the London League, a PR marketing and events agency

1was introduced to Prince William in 2008 by a mutual friend at Boujis, one of his and Kate's favourite London nightclubs. He was there having a good time and the atmosphere was very relaxed. He was friendly and welcoming and we chit-chatted. What struck me was his sense of humour, which I presume he gets from the Queen. He has brilliant comedic timing.

A few months later we organised a birthday party for his cousin Peter Phillips. Harry was also there and the brothers were constantly teasing each other—but William always got the upper hand. Peter tried unsuccessfully to blow out the candles; William joked he was full of hot air.

The party started in a restaurant in Chelsea and was to move to a club across the street. Outside the back entrance, so paparazzi were waiting, and I was standing next to William, holding his umbrella, moments before the doors were flung open. Then, after taking a deep breath, we crossed the street in the rain to the glare of flashing bulbs. I couldn't believe how calm and collected then he's been doingthisallhis life.

As told to Katreen Hardt

Oscar Gosby, aged 14, from Herne Bay in Kent, interviewed Prince William for a children's TV programme

1n March 2009, I'd just recovered from non-Hodgkin lymphoma and Prince William was president of The Royal Marsden Hospital, where I was treated in the Children's Unit. He wanted to meet children who had survived cancer.

He asked me what had happened when I was ill. I told him a tumour was found in my lungs when I was ten, I lost all my hair and had to miss school for nearly two years. He asked if losing my hair was scary, but I told him it didn't matter, as it grew back quickly.

I got to ask him some really cool questions such as what his favourite food was. He told me I should try Marmite and banana sandwiches, but I'm still not convinced. I told him I have ayounger brother, too, and asked if he ever falls out with his. He said yes, about silly things like who's better at football, or who's in charge of the TV remote or doing the washing-up, stuff like that.

Astold to Adam Williams

Beth Nicholls, 33, from Leeds, met William in Zurich in 2010, when working on a bid for the 2018 Fifa World Cup

We all cheered when William walked into the room, but he immediately put his hands up and said, "No, this isn't about me. You guys did all the work." He was humble without any sense of arrogance. He'd just given a speech to the voting members.

Afterwards, he wandered around talking to everyone. When he approached me, I was struck by how tall and broadshouldered he is. He has these twinkling eyes and wonderful smile. He laughed a lot and I was amazed at how easy it was to talk to him. He was loo per cent focused on me, despite the room beingfull of celebrities like David Beckham and Gary Lineker.

I got the sense that he really gets what normal people's lives are like and that he understands our e Nicholls

issues. When I asked him how he proposed to Kate, he blushed and said he'd been nervous and afraid that she might say no. The fact he was so open made him seem all the more normal.

In all we spoke for ten minutes and later I remember thinking,That was the future King; and I just had the most ridiculously easy conversation with him. As he made his waythrough the crowd I noticed there was no parting of the sea. It was as if Prince William was one of us. And I could tell that's exactly how he wants it to be.

As told to Katreen Hardt

Claudia Bradby, 42, from Hampshire, is a jewellery designer who met Kate when they collaborated on a work project

ate became an accessory buyer forJuniorJigsaw in 2006 and she called me about a necklace.

The first time we met, in early 2007,1 was impressed by how straightforward she was. She had a very clear idea of what she wanted, which was something simple, elegant and classy. I found her extremely focused and easy to work with. Of course she was charming and beautiful too. To my surprise, she was a lot taller than I thought. I'm 5ft vi and she's about the same.

Kate is the type of girl that if you were a mum you would be thrilled if your daughter turned out to be like her. She is decent and understated. The whole time we worked together she only mentioned Prince William once when she said he was working really hard on the Diana Memorial concert that was taking place that summer. She didn't pepper her conversation with his name nor make any references to the royal family. She is very, very discreet.

As told to Katreen Hardt

Paula Wynne, 46, an author from Hampshire, met Kate when she ran the village shop in Bucklebury, three doors down from the Middleton's family home in Berkshire

There's nothing pretentious about Kate—she's a natural, modest girl. Even without make-up she looks gorgeous. She'd often come down the road in the morningto get the papers and, despite having her hair

"I remember Kate saying to me that she didn't understand why the media was so interested in her" Paula Wynne

pulled back and wearing nothing but a jumper and jeans, she'd look perfectly styled. There was something about her that lit up the shop. If there were other people around she'd always stop to chat. She had the loveliest smile and could brighten up any day with her infectious giggles.

Once she came in and bought a pear saying it was her lunch. I remember my ex-husband then started telling her, in a fatherly way, that she needed to eat more and tried to get her to buy a beef and Stilton pie. But she politely declined.

When the news broke in March 2004 that Kate and Prince William were dating, the media camped outside our shop for a week—it was crazy. I remember Kate saying to me that she didn't understand whythe media was so interested in her—there were so many other more beautiful women out there they could photograph. Not that she didn't understand the media frenzy, she just considered herself to be a normal girl. As told to Katreen Hardt

June Scutter, 82, is now retired and lives in Berkshire. She first met Kate when she was her Brown Owl

When Catherine, as she liked to be called, became a Brownie in September 1990, I'd never have guessed that one day she'd get engaged to a prince. She was eight when I enrolled her and her sister Pippa in the ist St Andrew's pack. Although she was ayear older than her sister, Catherine was shy, nothing like the glamorous icon she is today.

Even though she was timid, she tookto the Brownies like a duck to water—she was one of my most conscientious girls. She worked hard to get her badges. I remember taking her and Pippa on a summer camp to the Cotswolds, the following Easter, where she thrived. The girls slept in two dorms in a buildingthat was little more than a shed. There was a cook, but they'd wash up and sweep, in order to get their House Orderly badge. Catherine was the perfect housewife. As told to Claudia Joseph

ROYAL DEGREES OF SEPARATION 3: SIMON COWELL

SIMON COWELLFAMOUSLY

TOLD WILL YOUNG HE WAS "DISTINCTLY AVERAGE" ON POP IDOL IN 2002—BUT THEY KISSED AND MADE UP, WITH YOUNG GUESTSTARRING ONTHE X FACTOR

WILL YOUNGPERFORMED AT MUSICIAN NITIN

SAWHNEY'S CONCERT IN THE 2006 BBC ELECTRIC PROMS, AND THE PAIR HAVE WRITTEN AND RECORDED MUSIC TOGETHER TOO

Kate at six. Even as a Brownie (circled), she had the makings of the perfect housewife"

Unlikely royal wedding guests—and how they might have been invited...

NITIN SAWHNEY, EVER THE SOCIALITE, KNOWS PAUL MCCARTNEY TOO. THEY RECORDED A SONG CALLED "MY SOUL" WITH HIM IN 2008

SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY WAS REPORTEDLY HONOURED TO RECEIVE AN INVITATION FROM WILLS AND KATE TO PERFORM AT THEIR WEDDING RECEPTION

Avery private affair

ROYAL WEDDING EXCLUSIVE

TOM BRADBY,POLITICAL EDITOR AT ITV NEWS, EXPLAINS WHY WILLIAM AND KATE'S LIFE WILL BE VERY DIFFERENT FROM CHARLES AND DIANA'S*

*HINT: TOM HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT

t's almost upon us and I'm sure they're lookingforward to it, but if you asked William and Kate what

they'd change about their weddingday plans I suspect they'd answer: just about everything.

They'd lose 90 per cent of the guests, the crowds, the hype and especially the billion or more people watching on TV around the world, and choose instead a small country church, their close mates and a marquee in the Middleton garden. But such is life. It will be a hell of a public weddingfor an essentially private couple, used to being able to conduct their relationship away from the public gaze. But they'll knuckle down and get on with it because they have to. At least they seem genuinely happy to begetting each other.

The real question, though, is how their

William and Kate doomed to repeat the experience of Charles and Diana? No, I reply, and no. They'll get along just fine. And for one reason above all others: the phone-hacking scandal.

If that seems a little out of left field, just bear with me a moment. Did you notice how quiet it was on the William-and-Kate front in the few months after their engagement? Yes, it was manic for the first few days, but after that the pair dropped out of sight. This was part of a deliberate strategy, since neither William nor his advisers wanted the public to get bored. But it's still kind of remarkable, don'tyou think? There were no leaks of the guest list, the dress, the service or anything else. And it all served to highlight a broader truth: that the market in royal tittle-tattle, which once filled so many column inches in so

ir

Shaking an un-gloved hand: last November William and Kate announced their engagement to the world—and Tom scooped the one and only interview

TN life will pan out beyond April 29. Since I sat down to interview them on the day of their engagement, I've been asked hundreds of times how they'll be able to live with the pressure of the paparazzi and the public attention. Will it all be too much? Are

many newspapers, has all but dried up. It's dead out there. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

It was once so different. When I took over as royal correspondent ofITVNews in 2001,barely a day—and certainly not a week—went by without some story or

other emerging from the royal family. It was an entirely new world for me—I'd been a foreign correspondent previously—and I found it fascinating, but very strange. It was clear that Charles and Diana's split, and their respective decisions to brief favoured journalists and newspapers, had opened up a huge marketplace, but what puzzled me was how vigorously it seemed to be continuing.

Theyoung princes were, of course, big news. Anything about them, however

trivial, made it into the papers. And there was a lot of it. There were big stories—like Harry smoking dope—but an endless stream of much smaller ones, too. And I could never work out where in the hell they came from. Neither William nor Harry ever met journalists, let alone briefed them, and they seemed to prize two qualities above all in friends and officials alike: discretion and loyalty. The whole business made me and many of those I liked on the royal beat feel pretty stupid. We worked away at building relationships and making contacts, but none of these people ever told us any of the stuff that pitched up in places like theNews of the World.

Graduallythrough the auspices of a few mutual friends—I got to know William and Harry and grew to like them. I went out to lunch, did some filming and ended up making a documentary with Harry in Lesotho, which raised enough moneyto found his charity Sentebale. I made it clear that I'd operate with them as I had in every other aspect of my journalistic life, which is to say I would never treat them as a commodity. What was private would remain private. We became, in a loose sense, friends.

From the start, the question of trust

"I don't want to say they were paranoid or obsessed, but the princes spent hours debating which friend might have leaked this or that"

loomed over everything. Their suspicion of the media, of course, had a lot to do with their mother's tempestuous experience, but it was also fuelled bythe constant stream of leaks concerning their own personal lives. I don't want to say they were paranoid or obsessed, but I do know they spent many hours debating which friend or associate might have leaked this or that. It really ground them down. How do you learn how to trust people in a world where everythingyou do seems to pitch up in the columns of a newspaper?

It was a difficult issue to get over and I resolved early on not to share any private conversations I had with them with anyone, including my wife.

Soyou can imagine how hacked off and frankly shocked I was to see something that was supposed to be confidential concerning William and me appear in the News of the World one Sunday morning. It was a trivial item, only written up in brief, reportingthat I'd gone into the Palace to lend him some editing equipment so that he could splice his gap-year videos together. It was embarrassing, but also bewildering. I hadn't told a soul, and since I'd only placed the call to make the arrangement on the day before the article was printed, there didn't seem much of a chance of him havingtold many people either. When I went to meet him on the Monday, we had a couple of beers and chewed it

over. "I hope you don't think I thinkyou leaked that;' he said, decently. And I said that I was grateful. But we really did scratch our heads. We talked about another article printed the previous week concerning a knee operation he was due to have, which seemed to fall into a very similar category.

And then we went back further. There were all kinds of stories that seemed to fit into the same category, some of them grossly distorted or only half understood. It was then that I mentioned that during my period as royal correspondent a fewyears earlier (I was now political editor) I'd been told bytabloid colleagues that it was by no means unusual for people's voice message systems to be hacked into. In fact, they'd said that was how rivals had kept track of Richard Kay at theDaily Mail, who'd once been close to William's mother and had written many of the big exclusives that emanated from her duringthat period.

It was as if a light came on. It all suddenly made sense. Perhaps there was no secret mole, no disloyal friend or official after all. We talked it over with William's ex-SAS private secretary Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton and they decided between them to take action. The police were called in.

It went silent for a longtime after that, but about five or six months later I got a call that stunned me. Not only was it clear that we were right and William's staff had had their phones hacked into,

but so too had hundreds of others. The rest, of course,you know and see as it continues to pan out before us. There have been moments in the past fiveyears when I've wished I'd kept my big mouth shut since, as a political editor, on countless occasions I've found myself sitting across a table from Andy Coulson, who was forced to resign as editor of theNews ofthe World as a result of the scandal (though he's always been incredibly professional about it all, I must say). But I can't saythat I regret what happened.

Since the day of the arrests five years ago, the flood of royal stories has almost totally dried up. They do still emerge from time to time: we had Harry's infamous "Paki" video and the tale of how William landed a

Chinook helicopter in his girlfriend's back garden. But it's pretty clear where these stories have come from, and they remain rare. The truth is that William and Harry have learned that people by and large do not betray them for a fast buck. It has answered a lot of questions that have lingered long in their minds and helped them to approach the media with a more willing countenance.

They are now able to live as they wish to. William and Kate in particular will go public when they have to, do what they are required to do with feeling, and then return to the tranquillity of the private lives they so crave. Will they be happy? Well, that's a different question. But happier than they would have been had News of the World royal editor Clive Goodman and co not been caught? Of that I have no doubt. •

ROYAL DEGREES OF SEPARATION 4: KATIE PRICE

Unlikely royal wedding guests—and how they might have been invited...

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KATIE PRICEENJOYED A TURBULENT FOUR-YEAR MARRIAGE TO POP STAR AND ONE-TIME HEART-THROB PETER ANDRE

PETER ANDRE SAID ONCE THAT HIS CLOSE PAL, GLAMOUR MODEL NICOLA MCLEAN, WAS THE FUNNIEST PERSON HE'D EVER MET

NICOLA MCLEAN SPENT 18 DAYS IN THEJUNGLE GETTING MATEY WITH ESTHER RANTZEN FOR TV SHOW I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE 2008. RANTZEN WENT TO MCLEAN'S WEDDING

ESTHER RANTZEN IS AN OFFICIAL CELEBRITY SUPPORTER OF THE CHARITY HEARING DOGS FOR DEAF PEOPLE, ALONGSIDE FELLOW TV PRESENTER BEN FOGLE, WHOSE FATHER WAS ONE OF ITS FOUNDING MEMBERS

BEN FOGLE, AND HIS SISTERIN-LAW OLIVIA HUNT—WHO'S ONE OF WILL'S EXES—ARE BOTH GOOD MATES OF KATE AND WILLS

Reader's Digest has specially selected a range of gifts to celebrate the wedding of DV-1. 'Prince "William and `10te Middleton on 29th April 2011 Dig

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superb commemorative china collection from Royal Worcester his stunning Royal Worcester commemorative collection, crafted from fine bone china, has been created in association with respected ceramicist William Edwards. Its beautifully delicate design is hand applied and features a specially commissioned portrait of the couple. Each piece is finished in 22-carat gold and inscribed with the date of the wedding. This collection is sure to be cherished for generations to come.

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A royal romance

This comprehensive and revealing book by renowned royal biographer Andrew Morton, tells the story of William and Kate's modern royal love affair.

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Explore our country's royal heritage

Celebrate Britain's rich royal, architectural and cultural history in this magnificently illustrated book. Uncover the history of every king and queen of Britain since William the Conqueror; explore the most important and dramatic historic sites in Britain and Ireland. This expert guide to British royalty and architecture will delight and inform you.

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Your royal seat

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Anthems for a splendid royal occasion

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See the making of the modern royal family

Take a privileged look into the early life of HM The Queen. With rarely seen newsreel footage of both official engagements and informal occasions, discover how the young princess adjusted to her public role. Uncover the true story behind The King's Speech and how King George VI overcame his stammer and shyness. Includes a selection of speeches from throughout the King's reign.

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Laptops, Google Earth, blogs and video messaging are now part of daily life for these tribespeople Western culture was destroying this Brazilian tribe, but now it's Western technology that's saving it

Words and photographs by

Craig Stennett

"We decided not to fight any more with our bows and arrows, but to use computers, the Internet and technology to bring attention to our situation," says Almir Narayamoga, 36, the chief of Brazil's Paiter Surui tribe, who live deep in the Amazonian rainforest. "If we hadn't done that, as a people we would have been finished, and so would the rainforest. Training and education is now our kind of war; we know we have to adapt," he states.

So to help save his tribe's 250,000hectare reserve in western Brazil from illegal deforestation by loggers, Chief Almir travelled unannounced to Google's offices in California in 2007 to make a personal plea for their help.

Staff from Google subsequently visited the reserve and gave technicaltraining workshops to the Surui, and donated several computers. As a result, the tribe have used the satellite imagery they can access via Google Earth to build a clear picture of their reserve that they can monitor for any illegal logging.

As yet, the Surui can only get an internet connection in Cacoal, the nearest town; there are no phone or mobile communications on the reserve itself. (Members of the tribe go to Cacoal regularly to use the internet and access Google Earth.) But Almir's vision is to digitise the whole reserve one day. The Surui already have a website* and use blogs, video messaging and digital images to communicate with the outside world. (Their computers

are maintained by an IT firm in Cacoal; and running costs are covered by donations, but the Surui's long-term goal is to gain financial independence and absorb the costs themselves.) As Almir remarks: "Alone, we Surui cannot manage to reconstruct this region. We need the help of the whole world."

But the Surui are not stopping at mapping their reserve—they've now embarked on an ambitious project to

Chief Almir discusses the benefits of carbon trading with some of his people. Inset: even noble tribesmen have to learn the importance of "file save"

record the density of the rainforest in it. Three forest engineers have come to train the Surui on GPS equipment, pre-installed with a unique software program that will measure the type, location and size of trees to calculate the amount of carbon held in their reserve's forests. The Surui will be the first indigenous community in the Amazon Basin to be paid by the industrialised world to protect their rainforest through carbon trading. The scheme, tri‘

r. known as REDD (Reducing Emissions from Deforestation and Forest Degradation), is intended to reduce greenhouse gases.

Ultimately, the Surui want to plant at least a million trees to return the rainforest to its original condition.

I drive with the Surui team and the tree engineers into the rainforest where the training will start. When our pickups can travel no further we have to proceed on foot carrying water, machetes and, most importantly, the vital GPS equipment.

Visibility through the dense undergrowth drops dramatically and humidity must be close to 100 per cent. Sweat pours down my face, as well as the faces of Vasco van Roosemallen, head of the Amazon Conservation Team in Brazil, and the two other tree engineers; our clothes are wet through. Understandably, the Surui handle the conditions better.

Once we come to a halt and start to mark out the forest for the team's first measurements we become a meal for

The tribesmen went on a two-day training course to Learn how to collect carbon data. Left: this map dhows how verdant ithe Surui reserve is compared with the 'dull patches of deforested land

many of the insects around us. Ants the size of your thumb that leave a vicious and fever-inducing bite have to be avoided. I inadvertently kick over one of their ground-level nests, which doesn't make me the most popular person in the rainforest that day. After 20 minutes in these conditions I've had enough, but we endure for another three hours until everybody is confident with the equipment. After

today's training, the team will later spend a gruelling 15 days in the jungle.

"The great thing about the Surui," Vasco says, "is that they try to find their own solutions to the problems they face. If you look at the arc of destruction of the Amazonian rainforest, the areas that still have forest are indigenous lands. They are absolutely crucial to holding back deforestation."

I ask Almir if he feels hopeful for the

future survival of the rainforest and his people. "A few years ago nobody thought there could be a black president of the United States, but he is there. Eight years ago nobody believed Lula could have been the president of Brazil. Two or three years ago nobody believed that we'd get all the loggers out of our lands, but we did. It's the start of change. Every day we believe we'll reach our ultimate 4r, goal. A better future for all."

THE DECLINE OF THE SURUI...

Naramatiga Surui, his face marked with traditional Surui tattoos and a hole still visible on his chin where he once wore a feather, believes he is around 65. Today he's sitting in Lapetan ha—one of the villages in the Surui reserve—under the cover of a thatched palm roof in an area where the village meets for discussions or meals. Naramatiga has been asked to recall when the Surui first made contact with the outside world. Some other Surui gather around to listen.

On September 7,1969, Naramatiga was one of a group of Surui who went deliberately to meet the "Branco"—their name for the white man. The tribe had come across white invaders already with the arrival of rubber planters, and these encounters had usually ended in bloodshed. But this day was to be different: "We wanted to see if we could be friends. These Brancos left knives, pans and mirrors tied to tree branches for us. At first we were scared to touch them, but we were still curious. I wanted to ask the Branco why they were leaving these things and I wanted to see if we could make peace with them."

It was staff from the Indigenous Protection Service of Brazil who were

leavingthe gifts. Their mandate was to make contact with indigenous people and to protect their rights.

On that day, Naramatiga called to the Brancos and through hand gestures he understood that they wanted their party of eight to come back with as many Surui as possible, and that there would be more gifts. The Surui did return in greater numbers and fear of the Branco gradually subsided.

But these meetings were to bring disaster to the Surui. "People started dying quite soon after that first contact: three or four a day—we simply had no immunityfrom the diseases," Naramatiga recalls. A programme of immunisation was initiated by the Brazilian government threeyears later, but bythen the Surui claim their numbers had dropped from 5,000 to around 25o.

I ask Naramatiga if he ever wishes he had never gone to meet the Branco, and he replies, "We Surui had only lived in war, we wanted to make peace. There were times when it was very bad, with the deaths from disease, but it has not been all negative. We now have our lands recognised by the government and we take care of them ourselves."

He stops for a minute and then adds, "The storyyou see today of the Surui shows that we are warriors, with all that we as a people have had to endure." ti

He lived to tell the tale: Naramatiga Surui was there when his people made contact with the white man in 1969 (see left)

...AND THE REBIRTH

When Almir Narayamoga was elected chief of the Surui at just 17 in 1991, he knew he had to do something to protect his tribe.

• He became the first Surui to go to university, then a fewyears later he went with Brazilian environmental activist Jose Maria dos Santos to Washington DC to try to convince the World Bank to audit their loan to indigenous tribes. Money and materials that had been allocated to the tribes for an agricultural project had not been forthcoming. The bank restructured the terms of its loan and the destitute tribes got paid directly.

• He forced regional officials to sink wells to store drinking water and build schools inside the Surui's reserve.

• To help fix the tribe's population decline, which was bringing it dangerously close to extinction, Almir advised families to have more children and enticed indigenous Indians from other tribes to go and live with the Surui.

• Almir then took on the loggers, who were destroyingthe Surui's rainforest. In the last 13years ii tribal chiefs, two of them Surui, have been murdered—loggers are thought to be behind the killings. A bounty of $ioo,000 was placed on Almir's head, allegedly by loggers. He was forced to flee the reserve, but he returned after seven months and said: "Publicity is my best defence."

The life of the Surui

The population of the Surui now stands at just over 1,30o spread across 23 villages on the reserve. Lapetanha village, pictured here, has a school, a church and 102 inhabitants—electricity reached it just four years ago. Despite this, three computers occupy their own room in the school.

Village life sits comfortably with the gadgetry.

Above: the Surui still make traditional beads and jewellery.

Lower left: planting one of the million trees the tribe needs to return their land to its original condition •

Marianne

Faithfull, 64, on sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, losing everything...and getting it back again

I Reme

...being with my daddy.My father was hardy and tough—he'd been a spy in occupied Europe during the Second World War. When I was very young I had nightmares about him, dreaming of "daddyhats" that looked like my dad and had long nails that tickled me. I would wake up screaming.

...being very much a "daddy's girl" later on.By the time my parents split up, dad seemed calm and friendly— English and cool, with a stiff upper lip. Unlike my Austrian mother Eva, who was really emotional and excessive. She was extremely hostile to him, so it was always tense; I could feel how much she didn't want me to like him, but I couldn't help loving him. When he came to visit, he'd collect me from school and we'd go and have egg and chips, which was a lovely treat.

Outside the house in Reading where Marianne lived with her mum. Her dad took the picture— "a little girt desperately trying to seduce her father". Inset: being dunked in the Thames at the age of two

...making As Tears Go Byin 1964 at IBC Recording Studiosin London's Portland Place, near the BBC. The record was produced by Andrew Loog Oldham [The Rolling Stones' manager], who I met at a party where I also met Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. Andrew had locked them in the kitchen and made them write a song—As Tears Go By. Andrew gave it to me to record.

I got the train into London from my home in Reading with my friend Sally Oldfield [sister of the future rock star Mike]. When we arrived, the arranger Mike Leander had written it all out and the band was in the studio. The control room was high up and they all looked down on me. Andrew was crazy, probably on lots of pills. It was a relief that Mike Leander was someone I could talk to.

When Mick tried to make me

r, sit on his knee, I said no and made Sally sit on it instead. I didn't want to go there. Yet.

...getting together with Mick after a Stones concert in Bristol in 1966,when they were supported by Ike and Tina Turner. He'd desired me for ages, but I was too naive to notice. I was married—I thought I was protected. Mick wrote a song about it: "Let's Spend the Night Together".

Infamous: keeping a low profile in the aftermath of the drugs bust at Sussex

...being busted in 1967 at Redlands, Keith's house in Sussex. When the police knocked, we were all tripping on acid and didn't get what was going on. We were listening to Bob Dylan's latest album Blonde On Blonde. I'd just had a bath, so I was naked beneath a fur rug—on acid, you really wanted to wear something different from the dirty clothes you'd worn before taking a bath: different textures, different vibes. I was more dressed than I'd been all day!

Afterwards, we all went back to Harley House in Marylebone Road, where Mick and I lived, and had cornflakes because we were starving by then. As we became more conscious, [photographer] Michael Cooper asked if anybody actually knew David Schneiderman, a mysterious drug dealer known

as The Acid King, who'd been with us at Redlands. The police hadn't looked at any of his bags...and then he'd disappeared. We later found out that it was all a set-up.

...being holed up in Redlands during the trial. Mick was already in prison, but not yet Keith. That week I was doing a lot of acid, so I'd go out and pick wild flowers and grasses for the house. They'd always be removed, so I'd pick some more...and again they would disappear. I only found out why years later: Keith had hay fever. Yet he never stopped me.

...the opening night of theThree Sisters in 1967 at the Royal Court Theatrewith Glenda Jackson. That

was my first serious role. I hadn't gone to drama school, so I didn't have any technique. I worked like a child actress; I believed it. It's not a classical approach —in my mind it's really happening. I was really into it. My fellow actresses were good in rehearsal, but on the first night I got a great review from Harold Hobson in the Sunday Times and they started calling me "Hobson's choice".

Years later I saw Glenda Jackson in Mother Courage and I thought it was very boring. But she was a great actress and I can't understand why she wanted to be a politician; maybe she thought it was more serious. Very British. Acting is not flimsy.

...losing it, everything, all at once. i Lost my son Nicholas, my selfrespect and my good name

...Mick behaved really well. He didn't want me to leave—he wanted me to stay and get better. But I couldn't; I was ruled by drugs and Mick was trying to stop me. Typically for an addict, I insisted that he leave me alone so I could do what I wanted. For two years in the early Seventies, I was a junkie living in a squat in Lots Road, Chelsea.

...the people who were kind to me back then, like my dealer before I registered as a heroin addict with Dr Willis, when life got a bit more manageable. [The poet] Brion Gysin was always nice to me and so was [the artist] Francis Bacon, who'd take me for a fish tea at Wheeler's restaurant. Otherwise, all I ate was Shredded Wheat with milk and sugar.

With Glenda Jackson (left) and Avril Elgar on the Three Sisters. "I can't say they were awful to me, but their patience was tried"

...walking in Paris in the summer[where Marianne now owns a flat], up the steps to the church where I go

With Keith Richards. "He's still very arty—he sends me handwritten faxes with little drawings"

Sixties survivor: Marianne reinvents herself for a new generation at the Royal Festival Hall in 2009

wv

Ar. to a self-help group—something I do now to take care of myself. I wrote about my daily life in Paris in the new song "Prussian Blue" with Dave Courts, who I love working with because I'm not shy with him. He lets me contribute to the tune—he follows my voice on the guitar and finds the chords. He came to Paris and we sat at my big table where I'd written with P J Harvey. I didn't consciously describe Paris through a painter's eyes, but thinking back, it's the Paris of the Impressionists. cip\B

...recording "Going Back" in one take; the first take was so emotional that we decided to keep it. It's one of the great songs. I know Dusty Springfield made the definitive version, but I like mine, too. It's very heartfelt. All the lyrics apply: "Now I think I've got a lot more than my toys to lend." • As told to Mat Snow

>> Marianne Faithfull's latest album Horses and High Heels is out now. She will perform at the Barbican in London on May 24. Visit readersdigest.co.uk/links for details.

EWARE! A MASTER CRIMINAL AT WORK

A burglar who'd obviously watched one too many heist films tried to break into his neighbour's flat using only his bank card. The 29-year-old from Monchengladbach, Germany, alerted the owner in the process and, in his hurry to get away, snapped the card in half—Leaving behind his name and account details.

"The victim called up and read us the details off the card," police said. "When we got to the burglar's house, the other half was sitting on his kitchen table."

Do you have diabetes? By taking part in diabetes research with Novo Nordisk, a world leader in diabetes care, you could help us to develop medicines that may benefit you and others like you. You can be sure the research teams we work with will keep a very close eye on your diabetes. What's more, you could get access to potential future treatments during the trial period as well as learning more about your condition.

SPECIAL REPORT

DRUG MIX-UPS. NURSES WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. DEATHS. HOW COME HOSPITALS DON'T HAVE A CLUE HOW TO TREAT THE UK'S THREE MILLION DIABETICS?

BY SUSANNAH HICKLING

EARLY LAST YEAR, SUSIE FLITTON

NEARLY DIED.The 49-year-old from Hemel Hempstead has Type 1 diabetes, and a hiatus hernia operation sent sugar and acid levels in her blood soaring, causing liver and kidney failure. She was given just a 20 per cent chance of surviving, yet pulled through thanks to intensive- care staff at Watford General Hospital. "They were brilliant," she says.

But she tells a very different story about going back onto the ward. Nurses gave Susie insulin—which she normally injects four times a day—at breakfast, but not at lunchtime, apparently believing it was better to keep her blood-sugar levels high, rather than stable.

They seemed aware that diabetics can develop hypoglycaemia (known as a "hypo"), which causes anxiety, shaking, weakness and even coma if sugar levels drop too low, but ignorant of the dangers of them going the other way. Hyperglycaemia can cause raging thirst, blurred vision and crushing fatigue— as well as coma and death.

Susie's glucose levels were regularly around 14 millimoles per litre when they should have been well below ten. Her eyesight was blurred and she was racked by anxiety—not helped by the knowledge that the high acid levels could return.

She tried to tell the nurses that what they were doing was wrong, but she was too weak to be assertive and they ignored her. She spent three weeks in hospital—longer than she might have needed to—as doctors couldn't release her until her sugar levels reduced once levels have gone awry, they can take eeks to stabilise) and her recovery from ery was slower.

wards the end of her stay, she was alto take charge of her own insulin again, rse brought her not only the wrong

type but also the wrong pen with which to inject it. "It had someone else's needle," Susie claims. Eventually, she made a full recovery, but her experience has left her badly shaken. "It was really scary," she says. "If my blood sugar goes up now, I get in a panic because I don't want to go back into hospital."

Is Susie's story a one-off? Definitely not, judging by other hair-raising stories of hospitalisation that pepper online diabetes forums and patient feedback sites.

The dread of being an inpatient again is common—and statistics vindicate these fears. The first National Diabetes Inpatient Audit of 219 NHS hospitals in September 2009 found that, in some, one in four people on the wards had diabetes. But, of the third who took insulin, the same proportion had a treatment error on their chart. Insulin was

often poor and a simple blister can lead to the loss of a leg—and one in 30 actually developed a foot ulcer.

The full results of the survey have never been published and participating hospitals that Reader's Digest contacted were not willing to divulge their results. West Hertfordshire NHS Trust, which runs Watford General Hospital, refused outright, even when we made a request under the Freedom of Information Act. Executives cited an exemption in the legislation.

But what these headline findings do reveal is the extent to which the NHS is letting down many of the UK's estimated three million diabetics.

"Doctors and nurses are taught about diabetes as part of their training, but it's not something they specialise in on the general ward," explains Simon O'Neill, director of care, information and advocacy at charity Diabetes UK. "Treatment for diabetes is very good,

THE TRAINEE NURSE

WHO SET UP JOANNE COOPER'S INSULIN DRIP ADMITTED THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

used incorrectly in a fifth of cases, and more than a quarter of these patients had had a hypo. Less than a third of diabetics could recall a foot examination—crucial, as their circulation is

but as soon as people go into hospital, the generalist staff seem to have no concept of how to manage it. Rather than calling on the diabetes team (present in around half of hospitals) or

a diabetes specialist nurse (DSN) they struggle on. They tend to ignore the diabetes or think they're more expert than the patient—who may have spent years successfully managing their condition—and overrule them."

A diabetic stays an average 2.6 days longer in hospital than other patients. Partly this is because they are more likely to develop complications or have other conditions, such as heart disease. But it's also, says consultant diabetologist Dr David Kerr of the Bournemouth Diabetes and Endocrine Centre, because "the overall standard of care in hospital is sub-optimal".

In Birmingham's Heartlands Hospital, diabetics spent an average of19 days on the ward, according to the 2009 national audit—ten days longer than the average patient. This comes as no surprise to Joanne Cooper, who was admitted to the hospital in March 2009 with soaring blood-sugar and acid levels. It took three and a half hours in A&E before the 38-year-old was put on an insulin and saline drip. The trainee nurse who came to set it up admitted, "I don't know what to do."

Joanne never caught even a distant glimpse of a diabetes specialist nurse or diabetic consultant and, in the end, topped up her own insulin to bring her blood sugar down and got out of there.

Fortunately, Joanne Cooper was in hospital for less than 24 hours, but Simon O'Neill cites the caller to Diabetes UK whose father had recovered well from surgery in an unnamed hospital,

WHAT IS DIABETES?

TYPE 1:The pancreas cannot make insulin,

Athe hormone that helps body cells absorb glucose—a key, energy-providing carbohydrate. Type i diabetes cannot be prevented and it's not known why it develops, but accounts for around ten per cent of cases. It's most common in those under 40.

TYPE 2:The body isn't making enough insulin or the insulin it produces isn't working properly. Type 2 accounts for between 85 and 95 per cent of cases and is linked with being overweight. It can be treated with diet and exercise, although medication can be required, too.

Symptoms of diabetes can include:

• Extreme tiredness.

• Excessive urination. The body makes an extra effort to flush the glucose out. This can also lead to extreme thirst.

• Weight loss. The body breaks down fat for energy.

• Blurred vision due to glucose build-up affecting the lens.

• Slow healing of cuts and wounds. Long-term complications can include:

Heart disease, kidneyfailure and nerve damage, which can lead to amputations, strokes and blindness.

but was still there two months later, with dangerously high blood sugar. In all that time, the ward staff hadn't contacted the hospital's diabetes team. "Even if we ignore the human suffering, on a purely economic scale, this man was blocking an acute hospital bed at huge cost," O'Neill points out.

Insulin is highly toxic in large quantities and the medical murderer's drug of choice.Nurse Colin Norris—dubbed the `Angel of Death"—killed four Leeds pensioners in 2002 with overdoses.

Yet, according to the National Patient Safety Agency (NPSA), between August 2003 and August 2009 there were 3,881 cases of people being given the wrong amount. Some, including four deaths, occurred because the abbreviation "U" (short for "units") was misread as a zero

1

only too well—were also frequent. According to the NPSA, this was the cause of two deaths between September 2006 and June 2009.

At Mayday Hospital, Croydon, civil servant Tracey Hynan's three-year-old daughter Molly was the victim of another common mistake: she was apparently given the wrong type of insulin. Tracey, and her husband Gary, who happens to be a well-informed Type 1 diabetic, were so frightened for their child's safety they discharged her before any harm could be done. "It was horrific," says Tracey.

In a statement to Reader's Digest, Mayday Hospital (now renamed Croydon University Hospital) said that it had taken action to reduce the risk of similar errors recurring, including ongoing training for paediatric nurses.

"IF PIZZA HUT CAN GIVE ME CARBOHYDRATE DETAILS, WHY CAN'T THE ill NHS?" SAYS SEAN

PRICE

so patients may have received ten times the prescribed amount, or because medical staff used intravenous syringes with graduations in ml, instead of diabetes syringes with graduations in smaller "insulin units". Other errors were blamed on doctors' poor writing on prescriptions. Delayed or omitted doses of insulin—as Susie Flitton knows

But even when patients are allowed to take charge of their diabetes management, problems can occur. Fortysix-year-old council worker Sean Price was admitted to Rotherham Hospital last August with hyperglycaemia. Unfortunately, a shortage of monitoring equipment made it impossible for him to keep tabs on his blood-sugar levels.

Neither was he able to count his carbohydrates—crucial for working out his correct insulin doses—as the hospital menus had no nutritional information. "I had to guess everything. If Pizza Hut can give me carbohydrate details, why can't the NHS?" he says.

"Carbohydrate counting is nearly impossible in hospital," confirms Dr David Kerr.

It seems clear that hospital staff need better training. In 1993, a reorganisation of medical-school curricula undermined the teaching of therapeutics and prescribing just as it became increasingly complex.

"Specific final exams on therapeutics were widely abandoned," says Dr David Webb, professor of therapeutics and clinical pharmacology at the University of Edinburgh, "making students think this is a less important area for their efforts."

A national examination that doctors have to pass before they are allowed to prescribe independently is now under development, but will take several years to work through the system, and, until then, other measures are necessary.

Script—an online toolkit developed to help junior doctors with prescribing—could help to plug the gap. Education of doctors and nurses at ward level is also highly effective.

The Royal Bournemouth Hospital gave doctors and other staff a "credit card" listing the 11 commandments of diabetes management that they could slip into their pockets. A DSN also ran education programmes for ward staff.

AND IF YOU DO HAVE TO GO TO HOSPITAL?

• Be prepared. Try to gain agreement inadvance that you can manage your own diabetes.

• Do not hand over your diabetes kit. Instead, keep it in your locker.

• Take your own hypo treatments— a small can of fizzy drink, snacks, glucosetablets.

• Ask to see a member of the diabetes healthcareteam if you have concerns.

• Be assertive. Remember, you know yourdiabetes better than anyone.

• Partners, close friends and family need to know about your condition and the medication you take so they can speak up on your behalf if you're too poorly.

• Download the leafletDiabetes Care in Hospital: What Care to Expect During Your Hospital Stay from Diabetes UK (order a copy by phoning o800 585088 or visit the website*).

• If you wish to make a complaint, contact the hospital's Patient Advice and Liaison Service.

t) As a result, insulin errors at the hospital halved over a 12-month period.

A consistent policy of letting patients manage their own diabetes care, if at all possible, can pay dividends. It helped Worcestershire Acute Hospital Trust reduce diabetics' average hospital stay from ten days to seven. That initiative was, again, led by a diabetes specialist nurse, but there's a chronic shortage of these, with only around half of all hospitals having one. "Studies show that a DSN saves her salary in a year in reduced bed stays," says Diabetes UK's Simon O'Neill. "But it still doesn't happen."

The 2009 National Diabetes Inpatient Audit is at least proving a useful tool in persuading some hospital managers to allocate resources more effectively. Ipswich Hospital employed a part-time DSN after officials saw its audit results and there's a commitment to increase this provision. The

hospital has also introduced a daily foot check in a bid to prevent diabetic ulcers developing.

But until institutions everywhere offer proper care to the swelling numbers of diabetics coming through their doors, they will continue to fail some of Britain's most vulnerable patients.

People like Jo Morgan, 32, a former charity worker from Walsall. Jo suffered a hyperglycaemic attack last May when medical staff failed to put her on an insulin and glucose drip as planned when she had day surgery on her shoulder at Walsall Manor Hospital. Desperately thirsty, struggling to breathe and barely able to see, she was only able to bring down her blood sugar when she injected herself with the insulin she had luckily refused to relinquish on admission.

"You worry that you're going to die because you're in hospital," she says, "and that shouldn't happen." •

GENIUNEPHRASESFORRATHEROBSCURESITUATIONS...

Vice admiral of the narrow seas (circa 1811): a drunken man who urinates under the table into his companions' shoes.

Tyrekicker (New Zealand, 1986): a politician who debates but takes no action (from car sales, where a person examines a car at length but does not buy it).

Nottingham goodnight (1950s): the Loud slamming of doors and saying of "Goodnight" by a courting couple. This supposedly reassures the listening parents. The couple, neither of whom have left, then retire to the sofa.

Grille-peerer: one of a group of clergymen in the 1940s who used to haunt the floors of the London Library to look up the skirts of women browsing above.

Newspaper (prison jargon): a 30-day jail sentence, supposedly the time it would take an illiterate to read one.

By Adam Jacot de Boinod, author of The Meaning of Tingo (Penguin, £6.99)

RUISE IN

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SURVIVAL OF THE NICEST

Think it's a dogeat-dog world? It isn't—and that's a scientific fact. Instead, the future of our planet depends on us all just getting along

By Roger Highfield

Not convinced we can cooperate with each other?Let's say you had a cappuccino and croissant for breakfast this morning. Just this activity gives a breathtaking glimpse into how much we work with each other every day.

Farmers in Colombia grow the beans. Brazil provides the sugar cane. The milk comes from cows on a local farm and was heated using electricity generated by a nuclear power station in a neighbouring county.

As for that croissant, the flour comes from Canada; the butter from France; the eggs from a local

cooperative. Many more people work in supply lines across the globe to bring these together.

Delivering your breakfast also relies on a vast number of ideas— the knowledge of how to select beans, make flour, froth milk, and so on. The result is a network of cooperation that stretches across generations, as ideas are passed on and embellished, from the first person to have a drink based on roasted seeds to the patenting of the first espresso machine. Today, the extent to which our brains collaborate matters as much as the size of those brains.

But for scientists, this behaviour is baffling. According to Darwin's idea that life evolves through the "struggle for existence", it makes no sense to aid a potential rival—and yet this is what happens with even the lowliest creatures. Darwin himself was troubled by selfless behaviour in the natural world—notably in colonies of bees and ants. And ever since, scientists have struggled to explain how cooperation, altruism and self-sacrifice arose.

Over the past two decades, Martin Nowak, professor of mathematics and biology at Harvard University—and the co-author of my new book Supercooperators —has worked with many great minds to show that cooperation

is compatible with survival in a competitive environment. And it can all be pinned down to five laws:

1"I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine" (otherwise known as direct reciprocity). Even the running of a household depends on direct reciprocity. In the kitchen, the one who cooks is often spared the drudgery of the washing up and vice versa. If a friend helps us to move house, there's an obligation on us to help pack his furniture when it's time for him to move. It can be found in bigger tribes and groups of people, too: businesses may have long-term contracts with each other; governments make treaties with one another. We repay meanness in the same coin.

WHY IT WORKS

Cooperation of this kind evolved within communities. In many societies the same two individuals have an opportunity to meet often —in the village pub, workplace, or wherever. A person will think twice about letting someone down if they're likely to see them again. This was first pointed out by US evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers, who went on to argue that much of human emotion —gratitude, sympathy, guilt, trust, friendship and moral outrage—grew out of the same sort of simple, reciprocal, tit-for-tat logic.

2"I'll scratch your back and someone else will scratch mine" (otherwise known as indirect reciprocity).

The American baseball player Yogi Berra was famous for his pithy comments—one of which was a perfect summary of indirect reciprocity: "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours." Berra was counting on the fact that his acts of kindness wouldn't be returned by the recipients, but by third parties who were moved by his public mourning. The idea is also summarised by the satirist Tom Lehrer. In "Be Prepared", his salute to the Boy Scouts, he sings: "Be careful not to do/Your good deeds when there's no one watching you."

Modern life depends on indirect reciprocity. We think nothing of paying one stranger for a gift and then waiting to receive delivery from another stranger, thanks also to various other people whom we have never met. In our vast society it's a case of, "I'll scratch your back and someone else will scratch mine." We all depend on third parties to ensure that those who scratch backs will have theirs scratched eventually.

WHY IT WORKS

In a small group—say, a village—what we call indirect reciprocity bestows tremendous advantages, by allowing me to benefit from the experience

that others in our clan had when dealing with you. ("Fred has always been fair when it comes to trading tools for food. But Helen can't be trusted.") Thanks to the power of reputation, great collections of mutually dependent people in a society can now sustain individuals who are specialised to an extraordinary degree.

3"Birds of a feather flock together" (otherwise known as spatial selection). If you think about it, life is all about lumps, clumps and colonies. Bacteria grow in cultures (think of your bathroom). Bison gather in herds. Ants work in colonies. Apes form troops. There are sleuths of bears, murders of crows, pods of whales and gaggles of geese. And, of course, populations of people form structures, too. We are organised in villages, towns and cities. We gather in the workplace, at schools and in cinemas and pubs. We have mobs and crowds and posses and throngs.

WHY IT WORKS

The advantages are shown by what's known as "evolutionary set theory", where membership of a set depends on sharing phone numbers, fashion, geography or other attributes. The more sets there are, the better it is for cooperation.

When I realise that the person

It who's joined my tennis club also loves Take That, for example, then I'll be more likely to collaborate with her. This "choosiness" of cooperators dramatically enhances the probability of successful cooperation.

4"I will sacrifice myself for the greater good" (otherwise known as group selection). No one sums up this law and how it works better than Darwin himself. In The Descent of Man, he wrote: "There can be no doubt that a tribe including many members who were always ready to give aid to each other and to sacrifice themselves for the common good, would be victorious over other tribes; and this would be natural selection."

WHY IT WORKS

Darwin's insight into group selection is seductive and simple, but has proved controversial in evolutionary biology. However, Martin's work shows that group selection works well if there are many small groups and not so well if there are a few large lumbering groups. Another important factor is the effects of migration between groups—too much and cheats might exploit and destroy one group, and then quickly move on to take advantage of another. As a result,

migration undermines cooperation. For efficient group selection, groups need mechanisms to stop individuals moving too freely between them and other groups— tribal loyalty, if you like.

5"Blood is thicker than water" (otherwise known as kin selection).Perhaps the most stunning example outside human society is the leafcutter ant, which abounds in the American tropics. Their nests can be gigantic—extending to about half the size of a football pitch—and the queen's three million inhabitants divide up dozens of jobs to work together as one. Each megalopolis of these social insects is greater than the sum of its parts, creating new levels of organisation. Their cooperation has a huge impact. Some tropical ecologists estimate that leafcutter colonies may harvest up to 17 per cent of the total leaf production of a tropical rainforest where they thrive.

WHY IT WORKS

The basic idea behind kin selection smacks of common sense. The more viscous the blood tie that links us to another person, the more we might strive to cooperate with them.A gene that induces you to cooperate

with your brother or sister can spread by natural selection, because your relative very likely carries the same gene.

This form of nepotism has evolved because you can increase the number of your genes passed to the next generation and thus boost the size of your future genetic footprint.

These five mechanisms reveal much about how the world works. In our book Supercooperators, we reveal, for example, that the fewer friends you have, the more strongly your fate is bound to theirs; that genes may not be that selfish after all; that no matter what we do, empires will always decline and fall; and that to succeed, you need to work together.

Another fascinating find is that, because our instincts have been shaped by these laws over the generations, it's no surprise that they crop up in different faiths. In direct or indirect reciprocity, the "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" rule pops up in Greek Philosophy, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism and more. What's remarkable is that these ideas seem as familiar to the secular as they are to the religious. Evolution, which at first

glance seems to present problems for faith, actually hones selfless, altruistic and even saintly behaviour.

But it's time we took cooperation to a new level. Many problems that challenge us today can be traced back to tension between what's good and desirable for society and what's good and desirable for an individual. That conflict can be found in problems such as climate change, pollution, resource depletion, poverty, hunger and overpopulation.

The biggest issues of all—saving the planet and maximising the collective lifetime of the species Homo sapiens can't be solved by technology alone. They require novel ways for us to work in harmony. If we're to continue to thrive, we have only one option: to manage the planet as a whole and harness this extraordinary creative force. It's time we really started living up to the name supercooperators. •

» Roger Highfield is the editor ofNew Scientist and co-author, with Martin Nowak, ofSupercooperators: The Mathematics of Evolution, Altruism and Human Behaviour (Canongate, £20).

BASIC GUIDE TO CRISIS MANAGEMENT

An extract from the "Plymouth Evening Herald": Plymouth Argyle director Paul Stapleton says he is "100 per cent" involved in last-ditch rescue talks aimed at saving the Pilgrims [football club]. "I can't spend any more time than I am spending on the club," said Stapleton last night, speaking from the Le Royal Meridien Beach Resort and Spa. "I'm working all hours."

All over the world there are buildings that have been deserted and left to decay. Many have a unique and haunting t,w, ty ar US War

THE MAUNSELL SEA FORTS, WHITSTABLE, KENT

A series of spooky fortifications in the Mersey and Thames estuaries that take their name from their designer Guy Maunsell. Originally intended to protect shipping and deter German bombers during the Second World War, some forts were used for pirate radio broadcasts in the 1960s. (In 1964, for example, one tower at Shivering Sands was bought by Screaming Lord Sutch who set up Radio Sutch, later to become Radio City.) One fort, slightly outside British waters, was even declared an independent sovereign state in 1967. Today the forts survive, thanks to their robust construction, but Lie empty and neglected

LEE PLAZA HOTEL BALLROOM, DETROIT, MICHIGAN

With the arrival of the Ford Motor company plant in 1903 Detroit became the very epicentre of the thriving US motor industry. Now the city is a byword for urban decay, with only half the population of its glory years. Left behind, though, are the results of the extraordinary building boom of the 1920s. Detroit has a treasure trove of art deco skyscrapers and grand buildings gone to ruin, such as the Lee Plaza, once one of the city's most desirable residential hotels

BEELITZ MILITARY HOSPITAL, BERLIN

Built in 1898 as a tuberculosis sanitorium, this sprawling complex of buildings in the southwest of the city was converted to a hospital in 1914 to cope with the surge of wounded soldiers. Hitter recuperated here after being hit at the Somme, and the site was occupied by the Soviet forces from 1945. Now an elegant ruin, it has been used as a set for the film

The Pianist (2002) but there are plans to restore and expand the rambling complex into apartments, clinics and a rehab centre

CITY HALL SUBWAY STATION, NEW YORK

Perfectly preserved but today unused, this beautifully designed station—it has brass chandeliers, elegant arches and coloured glass tiles—opened in October 1904 as part of New York's very first subway line. Despite being the showpiece station, it was shut in 1945 when the curved platform made it unsafe to use with newer, longer stock, and modernisation was not deemed an option. But it is still used as part of a turning loop for trains changing direction, so commuters can pass through by taking a train that terminates at Brooklyn Bridge and staying on—if the guard will allow it •

• : What do you do with a bunch of stroppy adolescents? Put them in a boat and send them out to sea, • of course. Then its../14,*

By Angela Neustatter

wi ,LN The night had been pitch black with just a sliver of moon,and the inky water of the English Channel had seemed to suck up even that light. The waves rose higher as the gale came up, curling and rolling, tossing the trawler from side to side. Some of the teenagers on deck were clinging to the edges of the boat, trying to stay upright, and there were urgent attempts to communicate with each other as they struggled to hoist the boat's 2,300 square foot of sails.

Every ounce of teamwork and team spirit was needed in these conditions. Few of the teenagers had been on a sailing boat before, let alone way out to sea, yet they were the crew in charge of the 105-foot sailing trawler and expected to navigate to shore.

Mia, 14, the youngest, remembers the fear. "These enormous waves just came up at us. I didn't know if I was going to be tossed overboard."

Rhiannon, 15, gives a brief shudder: "It was nerve-wracking and I was very, very grateful for all the skills I'd been taught. They helped me cope."

A couple of the boys are full of bravado when I meet them in the safety of a sunny morning in port, recalling the night sailing as "fun" and "a real adventure". There's derisive laughter from teammates remembering how they'd

Give them enough rope... young crew members such as Kane Johnson and Rhiannon Richards (right) have to learn the basics of life on board ship.

Previous page: teenagers from the Ynys Hywel Activity Centre in Wales

The teenagers were less cocky when they were hanging off the side of the ship being sick

been "less cocky when they were hanging over the ship's side being sick".

The 13 teenagers dealing with the elements have just completed a seafaring traineeship on board the 110-ton Leader, a historic trawler used for fishing in the 19th century. The last seven days have been a rigorous education during which they've learned everything from the basics of ship life—swabbing the decks, polishing the brass, cooking and cleaning—to steering the boat, changing course, plotting a route, learning to understand the tides and navigation, and weighing anchor. No less vital is learning that cooperation is essential when you're taking on an environment as powerful, and potentially dangerous, as the sea. As each trip is unpredictable, young crews may be forced to learn how to cope, as they had the night before, in dramatic conditions (although there's always an experienced crew behind them).

The scheme, which takes groups aged between 11 and 25 each week, is run by the Trinity Sailing Foundation, a charity formed in 1999 by former journalist and sailor Strum Coupar. He wanted to offer the "immense physical and psychological benefits" that sailing can bring to all kinds of young people—in particular, those from disadvantaged backgrounds. This includes those with social and behavioural problems, learning difficulties, children living in care, and those getting into trouble.

Coupar brought together three traditional Brixham trawlers:Leader,built in 1892, and Provident, built in 1924, both sailing trawlers; and Golden Vanity, a :Kr)

fishing smack built in 1908, all on the National Register of Historic Ships.

When I visit Trinity, operations director Matthew Maxted leads me across to the harbour at Brixham in Devon where Leader is moored. Thirteen teenagers—all from different backgrounds, communities and abilities, but all from Ynys Hywel Activity Centre run by Caerphilly Council—are just arriving with their two leaders. He guesses they'll be an easy group, then laughs. "It's not always like that," he says. "We will take anyone provided they don't present a safety risk, so that could be kids who've never been off their home estates and are completely disorientated, or young people whose learning difficulties mean they get on badly at school and are acting up because of it. It could include gang leaders and young people who are

Allat sea:teenagers from Ynys Hywel have a final debrief with skipper Dave Carnson; and then (right) Shelby Jones gets a shift in the galley kitchen. The teenagers have to muck in with cooking and cleaning

used to bullying to get their way, but our staff can deal with this: the kids soon realise their urban skills don't work in this alien environment. Then there will be youngsters doing their Duke of Edinburgh's Award schemes. You'd be surprised what an equaliser this experience is, and often it's the ones with most attitude who are seasick first!"

Skipper Dave Carnson, 35, tanned with blond dreadlocks, talks about the delight the young crews experience as they become competent: how they might fish from the boat, then cook their catch; experience balmy days of warm sunshine, when they sail in perfect calm; the adrenalin flow of a sudden shift in the wind and the need to position the sails to catch it effectively; how those who've seemed most unsure or defensive spend time talking with

The crew can contain kids from estates and even gang members. They soon realise their urban skills don't work

him, helping to plot the ship's course.

Angie McKinnell, a warm, maternal woman who cooks on board and has a valuable pastoral role, talks of how important mealtimes are, sitting around the large saloon table all together, particularly for those who have never done this. Here, a good deal of social education can take place.

Young people often apply for places after Trinity Foundation staff have visited their school, youth centre or group. Others are referred by teachers or those in charge of their welfare. (They are

encouraged to contribute what they can financially to the trip; while youth groups and schools will also cover some costs and the trust has fund-raising events.) "We show videos and tell stories of our trips, through Devon and Cornwall, to the Scilly Isles, Scotland and occasionally France," says Carnson. "We explain how the boats work, and discuss the places we visit and people we meet. And we stress that this is no lightweight jaunt, but a serious opportunity to develop skills and mature."

Maxted recalls the time he skippered Provident and took a group of kids with t

real behaviour problems who could be very rude and abusive to eacho "We'd gone to Helford, Cornwall, the former owner ofProvident,a woman in her eighties, asked if she could come on board," he says. "I didn't feel I could refuse, but I was worried how the kids would be. In fact, they treated it like a royal visit. They cleaned up the boat, polished the woodwork and the brass and were all incredibly polite. It was a turning point for them."

Just as it was for Nuku Wondrausch,

was not heading in a good direction."

Then The Zone charity in Plymouth, which aims to help young people lead better lives, suggested Trinity to Nuku. "It was a big culture shock to begin with," he says "Being in this enclosed environment, having to find a way to get on with the others. I didn't have good social skills and got into some tussles. Then there was seasickness, which is a massive challenge."

But he loved the physical tasks of being a crew member, commanded to

For e s aftpere is huge pleasure in seeing even the most troubled teen gain confidence and self-esteem

now 33, from Devon. His week with Trinity was a wake-up call in a life going badly wrong. "I had quite a tough childhood and an undiagnosed thyroid problem, so my hyperactivity was put down to bad behaviour," he says. "I was smoking too much pot at school and I would have got into drugs and crime. I

-1,144 get on deck fast and haul up the ropes, or to deal with the boat changing tack rapidly if the wind suddenly switched direction. "It was an amazing trip sailing to France and the Channel Islands," Nuku says. "And there was this wonderful sense that I could be good at this, a feeling of independence, of being grown-up. It was so different to being led by emotions, making mistakes and not taking responsibility for what I did, as I had been doing."

It was such a transformation that Nuku resolved not to slip back into his old life but decided instead to pursue

outdoor personal development with young people. He trained, and then set up his own company with the aim of reconnecting teenagers with nature and leading them away from the kind of trajectory he'd been on. He is now a part-time crew member on the trawlers, keeping an eye on relationships, learning and life-skills, and recognising which activities might be positive for the trainees' development. "That one week with Trinity has given real meaning to my life," he says.

At the end of a trainee week, a Royal Yachting Association Competent Crew Certificate is awarded to all who have completed their training. For the Trinity staff there's huge pleasure in seeing even the most troubled teenager

Tom Fisher (above) swots up one., seafaring in his bunk. Left: at the end of the week, there's no getting off the hook. Yes, all those who complete the course have to fill in a feedback form...

mature, gain confidence and self-esteem.

And they hope to help more. This year, Trinity is piloting the Achieve Project, where they aim to involve as many as 200 teenagers in gaining a BTEC qualification, equivalent to two GCSEs. "This will really add to the week at sea," says Maxted. "Many young people who come to us are low achievers and we see this project as making it possible for the most disadvantaged to gain the educational credits that have often seemed impossible for them."

Maxted points to a file bursting with praise from teenagers and teachers alike for what the experience already achieves. Then Abigail, 15, from the Welsh group, just beams and sums up the experience of a week on board ship: "It was the best time EVER" •

MOTHER

Maybe mum really does know best after alias networking supremo Carole Stone discovered

PHOTOGRAPHED BY LAURA STEVENS

I was lucky: I was born to a woman who had common sense, wisdom and a generous heart.Never jealous, never envious, she was only ever curious. Mama taught me some key lessons. The first? "Whatever life throws at you," she would say, "know that you can cope."

She herself certainly did. Mama saw her son, my older brother Roger, literally go mad before her eyes. She saw his daily torment, answered his endless tortured questions. In his early twenties he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. By his mid-forties he was dead, killed by a combination of too many drugs, too much beer and too little exercise.

Roger was pathologically shy as a young boy. He was a worrier, someone who could communicate with others only in strangulated sentences. He lived a life inside himself. How Mama coped with Roger all those years was a lesson in itself to me in fortitude, in doing what you can in the circumstances (although I've never been able to take life as she did—in her stride; I'm still working on that).

It was strange that Roger, too, so unsuited to life himself, taught me a lot about how to live. I was shy as well, but because Roger so desperately needed to make contact with the rest of humanity, he made me reach out to people I would normally never have met—people as awkward as he was, who were prepared to put up with his aggression and his moods because they also found it difficult 4)

4t) to relate to other people. It was only then that I began to realise that everyone has something worthwhile to offer.

Once I began taking an interest in other people, rather than wondering about the impression I was making, I grew more confident and able to overcome my shyness. I'd never say that there's always a silver lining, but there's nearly always something worth salvaging, something you can learn from the experience, if you can only grasp it while the lightning flashes. "Seize the moment!" was the other 1 my mum taught me and I've t do it ever since.

"Seize the moment!" was the other lesson my mum taught me

esson

ried to

At 21, I joined the BBC as a secretary and became a radio producer—first in Brighton, at one of the BBC's early local radio stations, and then in Bristol, where I looked after Woman's Hour. It was there that I spotted the talent of Jenni Murray, then a young BBC secretary herself, and asked her to contribute to the programme— and what a success she made of that opportunity!

Shortly afterwards, I grasped my own chance. Quite unexpectedly, I was asked if I was interested in politics, as they were looking for a younger producer for Radio 4's

flagship series Any Questions?Yes, I said, I was interested in politics—and from that moment on I made sure that I was. Thanks to Mama's advice, I seized the moment, knowing that one way or another I'd cope, whatever happened. It worked. I got the job and ran Any Questions? for the next ten years.

I absolutely loved it. I learned from my programme guests— politicians, journalists, captains of industry— that, whether we hold an exalted or a lowly position in life, we all want to be liked, and we're all concerned about the same things: our health, our family and our future.

It struck me recently that, in our financially chaotic times, and with jobs under threat, people are thinking again about what's really important to them. They're adapting and finding new things to do at a different pace. More and more people are putting their families first, ahead of the scramble up the corporate ladder.

But I don't think that means abandoning all ambition. On the contrary, it's about making the very best of the situation you're in. It's getting hold of what life throws at you and making the most of it.

After all, life has a habit of not

being quite what you'd expected. When I joined the BBC, I'd always assumed I'd be married within a year or two and on the way to having a family of my own. How wrong I was—it was to be another 36 years before a man asked me to be his wife!

That's why, over the years, I've come to appreciate the importance of putting your effort into enjoying the "now", rather than moping about what could have been. Besides, it's the things we don't do in life that we often most regret, far more than the things we do—even if we fail.

In 2009 I started something I've long wanted to have a go at—a club, TheStoneClub. I have no premises of my own. Members come along to events in different venues to hear experts speak on business and social issues, to meet each other and to share ideas. I call it a meeting of minds. Bringing people together is one of the most rewarding things in life. Anyone can do it: just

NATURAL WONDERS

invite two or three friends to meet in your home, the office, or the corner of a pub for a coffee or a drink and good conversation—an hour and a half is about right. Ask them to bring a friend if they wish. Try it for, say, three weeks: same day of the week, same place, same time. It's a really good way of keeping in touch with people you otherwise wouldn't get round to inviting anywhere. And you'll make new friends.

Mama died in a taxi, holding my hand. We were on our way to buy a pair of shoes. "What we have shared, darling," she had said to me that day, "no one can take from us." I'm so glad she urged me to keep looking around the corner for the next stage in my journey through life—and always to seize that moment. •

>> What have you learned fromyourmum? Email readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk or join the debate at readersdigest.co.uk/ mum. Hint: Mother's Day is on April 3!

This month,"Pleased to eat you"

If this strikes you as a romantic scene, then the (Fool's Day) joke is on you. TheseAsian mantises (roughly 90mm in size) are not having a dance—instead, the female (right) is devouring her partner... during copulation. A bad date? Not at all. Instead, say scientists, it increases fertilisation—the male is more vigorous in its sperm delivery while having its head chewed off. Food for thought there. But this odd behaviour may not be natural; some think the presence of humans plays a part.

l4h _ 1 1

\ \ ey le, d po rt w I nite trying to hid y chts,Isports cars and 1 \ veil tiotisei. But a small army

If investigator is on their case ; iitilu(ie Butte f, 1 1 1

hen insolvency expert Louise Brittain a phone call from a client recently to say that one of their debtors had just declared himself bankrupt owing them hundreds of thousands of pounds, she immediately sprang into action.

She organised surveillance of the debtor, carried out investigations into his financial records and, within days, arrived at his door accompanied by bodyguards. Louise had a warrant to search the property for assets, which she was convinced he possessed despite his protestations of poverty.

The bankrupt showed her around some outbuildings. She found a Bentley, a Hummer and a helicopter. "He looked a bit sheepish," she recalls.

The goods were sold to help pay off the creditors. "If you hit decisively on day one, you can capture the money," Louise says grimly.

The diminutive Deloitte insolvency specialist is one of the UK's leading bankruptcy fraud investigators. But despite success in this case, she's at the forefront of a growing battle against businessmen and others who are declaring themselves bankrupt to escape their debts, then trying to wriggle out of handing over their possessions to creditors.

In 2009, the number of personal insolvencies in the UK rose by one per cent to 73,000, but the number of bankrupts investigated for attempting to put assets out of reach of 1)

try` their creditors shot up from 500 to 2,000. Though the majority are found to have done nothing wrong, or subsequently cooperate with the authorities, the number who were sanctioned increased from 28 cases to 200.

"There's a trend for businessmen— particularly property developers—to get hugely into debt and go bankrupt, and who never thought this would happen to them," says Brittain. "It's a combination of the property crisis and the banks not lending. We're seeing tons and tons of businessmen who are used to a wealthy lifestyle and don't understand how to give it up, so they'll avoid doing so like the plague."

While these people are going bankrupt to have their debts written off, their houses are being hurriedly slipped into trusts for wives or children, their cars "sold" massively undervalue to relatives or friends, the cash in the bank is being transferred magically out of the country, and the creditor— who's been landed with the written-off debt—is left holding the baby.

The government-run Insolvency Service deals with all bankruptcies and is the middleman between debtor and creditor. It recently issued a press release warning bankrupts pulling such stunts that its official receivers (ORs) and private insolvency practitioners (IPs)—who refer cases to the service or are drafted in for investigations—are on the warpath. Both have legal powers to enter suspects' premises, confiscate

computers and mobiles, get post redirected to them and make arrests.

Of the 200 fraudulent bankrupts the service caught, 96 received custodial sentences, ranging from one month to threeand-a-half years. The rest had their bankruptcies increased to somewhere between two and the maximum of 15 years, limiting their ability to start new companies, obtain a mortgage or keep any money earned for themselves, rather than creditors.

But still the bankrupts try it on. Sham divorces are one tactic. Pat Boyden, 58, an insolvency practitioner at accountancy firm PricewaterhouseCoopers, became suspicious about the recent divorce of one bankrupt when his wife's demands for their substantial house weren't contested. He asked a private investigator to follow the man and found that every evening he came home from work, parked his car a few streets away and nipped down alleys before getting in through the rear door. The divorce was a sham and a court ordered that the house be sold, with half the money going to creditors. Others simply make a quick transfer of their home into their spouse's name. "It's often the wife who pressures the debtor to do all he can to save the house —the obvious solution is to put everything in her name," says Boyden.

The bankrupt showed Louise around some outbuildings.

a Bentley, a Hummerand a helicopter

Non-cooperation is another gambit used by bankrupts to cling onto their assets —something that usually ends in arrest or a smashand-grab operation.

Simon Brown, a veteran OR, has the comfortable, quietly spoken air of a bookkeeper, but he's been through dawn raids, death threats and chases through the streets of London.

"We may not be the Sweeney," he says "but we are what I'd call financial police."

He took part in one raid after neighbours told his office that the bankrupt next door was burning documents in the garden of his country house near Guildford, Surrey. He was a company director who had debts in excess of £150,000. The investigators sifted

through the ashes and his house, finding incriminating details of company-related liabilities and assets, some of which were sold to pay the creditors.

Simon also recalls the time he was passing the desk of a colleague who was opening the post of one uncooperative bankrupt.

"He fished out two plane tickets to the Caribbean for the following day. This was a man from south London, previously employed in the RAF who, according to creditors, described himself as having experience of small firearms and explosives.

"The travel agent told us that when he hadn't received the tickets he'd called to complain and had been sent duplicates. So the next day Gatwick police had him face down on the floor of the airport with sub-machine fr)

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C, guns trained on him. He owed some £25,000 and said he was just travelling to meet relatives in Jamaica, but we believed he was attempting to abscond. He spent the weekend in prison and was much more cooperative with us after that."

The investigators can go to extraordinary lengths to unravel dodgy claims. Adviser Pat Boyden recalls a prominent politician who recently went bankrupt while owning a house worth several million pounds. The politician produced a letter dated 20 years previously that appeared to show that he'd gifted the house to his wife. Pat sent the letter to a forensic scientist. It turned out that the watermark on the paper was recent and the letter was a fraud. The house was sold off for the creditors.

0ften, bankrupts' assets are difficult to track down because they register them under aliases, using a maiden or married name or a name changed by deed poll that they don't disclose to the Insolvency Service.

A search by investigators of deleted files on laptops, emails and text messages can prove fruitful, though often they're reliant on tip-offs from bankrupts' disgruntled associates.

One builder, for instance, appeared to have given a full explanation of his affairs. "But it turned out he had a very lucrative sideline in selling sports cars," recalls Peter Lunn, an OR with more than 20 years' experience. "We had no knowledge of that at all until he made

the mistake of falling out with his wife. Then I got a call saying, 'Did you know that my husband is trading in cars from this location using this trading name with bank accounts in this and that name in the Channel Islands?' "

The builder's bankruptcy was extended and £100,000 recovered.

Without investigators physically barring bankrupts' front doors, many small personal effects will also walk free. One businessman was known to wear an expensive Rolex watch. 'After he went bankrupt, we questioned him about the watch and he turned up a few days later with a cheap fake," says Pat Boyden. "We knew he'd hidden the real Rolex, but then you're into the territory of tracking down receipts, which can cost as much as the item itself."

Assets worth hundreds of millions of pounds (there are no definite statistics) are recovered every year, but it's hard to say how much lies undiscovered. Of course, the vast majority of bankrupts have no assets to hide and most of those who do choose not to flout the law. But the new recession bankrupt is typified by 45-year-old Andy*, who had his bankruptcy extended by six years when the judge ruled that his divorce had been an asset-transferring ruse.

Andy's only regret is being found out. "The banks were the ones that took Britain to the brink of bankruptcy and brought my business down by not lending to me. We bailed them out to the tune of a trillion pounds, but there's no one to bail my wife and children out except me," he says angrily.

Andy knows at least one bankrupt 4(r)

Name has been changed

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"One builder had a lucrative sideline selling sports cars. We didn't know until he fell out with his wife..."

PETER LUNN, INSOLVENCY INVESTIGATOR

) who has managed to keep important assets undisclosed thanks to some nifty footwork. "Good luck to him," he says.

Some fraudulent bankrupts are harder to feel sorry for. Louise Brittain is working on cases where hundreds of millions of pounds are squirrelled away in foreign accounts and where

yachts or private jets are tucked

AMAZING WEATHER FACTS!

2. WHAT KIND OF EASTER CAN WE EXPECT?

This year, Easter falls on one of the latest dates possible—April 24. Nothin strange about that, except the variatio in dates from one Easter to the next ca lead to big differences in the weather.

tatiStica y, there' a greater likelihood of snow at Easter than at Christma

rchanc that conditions will be cold and wintry. Conversely, the later Easter falls, the then'

We have to go bac 964 to find the coldest Easter on record. Temperatures barely rose above 6°C—Kew Gardens

away in distant harbours and fields. One man travelled round the world with his family, stopping for six weeks in country after country—long enough to open a bank account and deposit £100,000 cash in each.

"There are several types of bankrupts, but I like the real crooks best," says Louise. "That's the true detective work Finding the money is brilliant!" •

in London recorded its coldest Easter Sunday for 8i years on March 29.

fallen across low-lying areas of Britai during13 Easter weekends, the It

By contrast, Easter Sunday was late in 1984—falling on April 22—and temperatures soared to over 20° East on 96 with temperatures rising to 18°C, Surprisingly, Easter was relative! early that year, falling on April 6. with a er effig e'this hie round, maybe we're in for a treat—and not just in the form of a chocolate egg. . _ yOr Liz Bentley, founde of the Weather Club, form by the Royal Meteorologic Society. Visit readersdige for more.

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1,001 things... is compiled and written by

Linda Gray

WELCOME TO k THE PAGES THAT HELP MAKE LIFE SIMPLE EASIER AND, WE HO MORE FUN! STARTING HERE WITH... 1,001

things everyone should know...

HOW TO... shine at interviews

COMPETITION FOR JOBS IS SO

INTENSEthat an interview is simply a way of choosing between equally able candidates. The challenge is to convince the panel thatyou're the best—they'll make up their minds after just three questions, says Joe McDermott of InterviewGold*, which offers job-specific coaching for £6o. Watch out for the following googlies.

• "Tell me about yourself." Interviewers don't want to know about your family, says McDermott. They want to hear about the skills and experience you bring to the job.

• "Tell me about the time you communicated successfully with a group of people."Be prepared for big-picture questions, which demand lateral thinking.

• "What are your strengths and weaknesses?"Interviewers expect you to throw in a token failing—such as, "I work too hard"—so they often pause at this point, waiting for you to dig a hole for yourself. Don't be tempted to add, "And my spelling's rubbish," to break the silence.

• "How did you cope with being made redundant?"They're looking for resilience, to see how successfully you handle rejection. It's also a chance to show how well you filled your time. "Volunteering is a great way to contribute to society and keep skills up to date," says McDermott. Afterwards, write or email, expressingyour thanks for the interview and enthusiasm for the job. It might swingthings in your favour.

HOW TO...tell plants from weeds

HOW TO ...make a decent cup of coffee

1.GRINDyour own beans—coarse for use in cafetieres, fine for filter and very fine for espresso.

2. ADD seven scoops of coffee to an eight-cup cafetiere and top up with boiled (but not boiling) filtered water.

Can you tell them apart? Pinks... ...or couch grass? ' '

THERE ARE GREEN SHOOTS ALL OVER THE GARDEN, but which are the weeds? Until they flower, it's hard for rookie gardeners to tell geraniums from creeping buttercup, dicentra from ground elder, or pinks from couch grass. Print out pictures of weeds (find them on eGarden*) to help you identify the garden thugs and get clever with planting.

3. WAITfour minutes, then press and pour. If it's too strong, top up with hot water, says Starbucks' coffee guru Laurence Winch. His favourite blend is Sumatran, which is full, syrupy and goes surprisingly well with cheese. So experiment— there's a whole world of arabica (the best) beans to enjoy.

A' Sowing annuals in rows makes the invaders easier to spot, says eGarden expert Jonathan Edwards, and growing a few in a pot provides an instant reference when weeding.

It's equally easy to grub up self-seeding perennials in mistake for weeds, especially

HOW TO ...get published

"I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT PUBLISHING

when !fired off my first novel to literary agents," says Fiona Walker, whose 11th, Kiss and Tell, has just been published. Within a week, she'd signed a contract that made her a full-time novelist. If that doesn't inspireyou to get writing, nothing will, but finishing the book is only half the story. As Walker admits, the real challenge is getting published.

First, try the traditional route. Few publishers accept unsolicited manuscripts, so send it to a literary agent who publishes books similar to yours. Although it's best to have completed it, at this stage all that's usually required is a synopsis and the first three chapters, advises Walker. If the agent accepts it, they'll try

as they can appearyards from their source. "Look for seedlings growing close to the mother plant to get your eye in, and start weeding there," says Edwards. Then, by the time you tackle the rest of the garden, telling good from bad will be a breeze.

to strike a deal with a publisher, who'll pay royalties and an advance.

No luck? Then consider self-publishing, where it's up to you to organise everything from editing and printing to marketing. If you don't have the skills,you can employ a self-publishing company to do it for you (not to be confused with vanity publishing, where you pay to be published but don't own the books). Stick to companies listed inThe Writers' &Artists' Yearbook and make sure you're named as the publisher so you retain the rights, says publishing expert Johnathon Clifford.

All this could set you back £i,000 or more, so think about your motives. Ifyou're confident of shifting enough books, oryour novel catches the eye of a mainstream publisher, it's worth it. But if all you want is a few copies of your memoirs, a local printer or a photobook (by Blurb*for as little as £8.95) could be far cheaper.

Or simply publish an e-book. UK writers can now upload their work on Amazon, whose Kindle e-reader is the site's bestselling product ever. With 35% royalties and a growing readership, you could win fame and fortune without pressing "print".

HOW TO ...plan a street party

START WHILE THIS ISSUE OF READER'S DIGEST IS NEW and you'll still have time to get the bunting up for the royal wedding. Councils need four weeks' notice, but don't worry if you've left it too late to celebrate on April 29. Many neighbourhoods are delaying get-togethers until the weather is warmer, says Chris Gittins, director of Streets Alive*, and some are so enthusiastic they leap at any chance to hold one.

"There were 54 street parties in Oxford and i5o in Bristol last year," he says.

Red tape is less of a headache now the Government has scrapped the need for road-closure orders, which once threatened to squash street parties for good. (Ever wondered why there were so few at the Queen's Golden Jubilee?) Now Streets Alive is urging councils to drop the requirement for public liability insurance, too—and if they're recalcitrant, it will wade in on your behalf.

Once permission is granted,you can

Partying like it's 1981: revellers celebrate Charles and Di's wedding

treat the road asyour private garden, complete with barbecue, music, alcohol and games. But not every street is suitable and you're unlikely to get permission to close a bus route, warns Gittins. Still, there's nothing to stop you having a pavement party instead. Just start door-knocking to get your neighbours' consent—and find some very close friends.

HOW TO ...survive jury service

YOU'LL USUALLY SPEND TEN DAYS DETAINED AT

Her Majesty's pleasure, so it pays to be prepared, says lawyer Penny Darbyshire, author ofNutshell English Legal System (El o.95). You may feel...

Uncomfortable.Swathed in their robes, judges may not notice the court is cold and the jury is perishing. Or maybe they do, because it's sometimes a ploy to keep jurors alert. In either case, you'll need an extra jumper. (Don't rely on a constant supply of hot drinks. Tea and coffee cost around El, so that fiver-a-day food allowance won't go very far.)

Bored."Tedious beyond belief," said National Trust chairman Sir Simon Jenkins of his jury service. Yet even though the court service warns jurors they'll have to wait around, few bring anything to read. Make sure you take a copy of Reader's Digest with you

Confused.Inadmissible evidence means jurors rarely hear the whole story, but resist the temptation to fill in the gaps. If you're puzzled, ask the usher to pass questions to the judge.

Concerned.A guiltyverdict is a huge responsibility. Butyou don't have to be mo% certain, just convinced beyond reasonable doubt. "The problem is that judges often say jurors must be 'sure'," says Darbyshire, "so some mistakenly feel that if there's a shred of evidence in favour of the defendant, they must acquit."

Shocked.Harrowing evidence can cause lasting stress, especially as jurors are forbidden to discuss their experience. If it's too upsetting, contact the court usher for help. The Samaritans are trained to offer support.

Elated.Three-quarters of jurors reckon it's a worthwhile experience, according to the latest Crown Court survey. Would you want to live in a country without it?

What your florist won't tell you

>> You buy more flowers for your mother than your lover.In fact, I sell twice as many flowers on Mother's Day as I do at Valentine's. But the person you're most likely to buy flowers for is yourself.

>> You don't want to know about the flower miles. Buy roses in April and they'll have been flown in from Kenya or Ecuador. If you want home-grown varieties for Mother's Day, stick to narcissi, tulips and tete-atete. Or go for chrysanths, which grow all year round.

>> I use cellophane for a reason. It protects the flowers, allows bouquets to be delivered in water and won't go soggy. Unlike that poncy Kraft paper.

>> Fruit murders flowers. It gives off ethylene, a gas that accelerates ripening. If you want to hang on to your flowers, move the fruit bowl and think twice before buying them from the supermarket (most

flowers are sold in the fruit and veg section).

>> Do you like cold baths? Neither do flowers. With the exception of spring bulbs such as tulips and daffs, lukewarm water is best. It contains less oxygen, preventing bubbles forming in the stem and blocking water uptake.

>> There's nothing wrong with garage flowers. It's the conditions they're kept in that are pants.

>> Your nose isn't blocked. Most flowers are bred for show, not smell. If scent is a priority and you want something unusual, try waxflowers, mimosa, stephanotis or eucharis.

>> Daffodils are bad mixers and so are narcissi. Both give off latex, which

kills other flowers. If you want a mixed bunch, add cut flower food for bulbs to the water or keep daffodils in isolation for 12 hours first.

>> Sure, you can order flowers at 3am.But many internet and tele-florists are agencies that take 3o% of the price, so you get fewer flowers. You'll get a better deal if you find a local florist through the British Florist Association* and call direct.

>> The picture's a guide, not a promise.If the flowers are unavailable, I'll need to use a substitute. It doesn't often happen because the designs are chosen, so they're easy for any florist to deliver year-round. If you want something different, go to a master florist, listed in the Good Florist Guide*.

>> The trick to making flowers lastis to cut stems at an angle so more water gets to the flowers. Take off at least an inch

but don't crush them or use blunt scissors. Add flower food (not aspirin, bleach, or sugar) to the vase and strip off any leaves below the water, to stop bacteria forming.

>> By the way, there is a guarantee.If I belong to the British Florist Association, I'm bound to deliver flowers in good condition and on time. Take a photo if you're unhappy with what I've sent—if I refuse to give a refund, send it to the association.

>> Tell me if you're taking flowers to hospital.I'll know if they're allowed (some hospitals still ban them) and I'll arrange them in florist's foam, soyou don't have to begfor a vase.

>> Some roses never bloom.Pinch the buds— if they're like bullets, walk away. Drooping roses are just as annoying. If it happens when you get home, cut the stems and dunk in boiling water. Then leave in cold water for two hours. •

Doctor on the Ward

Sometimes you can't trust everything you see, says Max

"I don't like the patterns on the curtains at home, doctor," says Mrs Albright. "It's really upsetting me." Her daughter looks at me and shrugs. "Can you help?" she says.

I frown and think for a moment. It's not usual for patients to come to their doctor when they have problems with their interior

My patient is upset by the pattern on her curtains.

design. I might suggest a trip to John Lewis rather than a hospital for such a complaint, but Mrs Albright is blind. Five years ago she developed macular degeneration and as a result now has significant visual impairment.

Pemberton

"I also see small children, lots of them, running in my room. And an old man. And sometimes little birds pecking around my feet," she says. "But it's the patterns that irritate me the most. They're so garish."

Despite seeingthese things, tests show that Mrs Albright is still blind. What she is describing is not real and it becomes obvious she's started having complex visual hallucinations. Some of these are in the form of intricate geometric patterns on carpets or curtains, while others are of people and animals. But how can a person who's blind see things?

Mrs Albright has a condition known as Charles Bonnet syndrome, named after the Swiss naturalist who first described the phenomenon

in 1760, when his blind grandfather began complaining of seeing people and objects that weren't there. Since then, advanced brain scans have allowed us to understand what's going on. Although the eyes might not work, the part of the brain responsible

for vision remains intact and can be active. In the absence of genuine stimuli it can produce lifelike images and the sense that the person is "seeing".

It's a surprisingly common condition, affecting around ten per cent of people with visual impairment, although many never talk about it for fear of being labelled "mad".

I reassure Mrs Albright and her daughter that, although there's no treatment, it usually disappears after a year, and is nothingto worry about. They both seemed relieved and make their way out of the consulting room. Mrs Albright walks ahead, but her daughter stops and turns to me: "It's such a relief to know she's not losing her marbles." She lowers her voice. "Well, actually, she's always been a bit batty..." she says conspiratorially.

"I might be blind, but there's nothing wrong with my hearing," Mrs Albright calls back. Her daughter grimaces.

Max Pemberton is a hospital doctor, and the Mind Journalist of the Year 2010.

KNOW YOUR ORGANS

The blood

It's not just vampires that need blood. Nearly every cell in the body receives its oxygen and nutrients and without it quickly dies. Blood is a mix of many types of cells suspended in plasma, a clear, sticky fluid .

The red stuff

Red blood cells contain haemoglobin, an iron-containing protein. When haemoglobin is carrying oxygen, it appears light red and when it's not, it's dark red with a bluish tinge. It seems bluer in veins under the skin because of the waythe skin absorbs light.

The white stuff

White cells act as the policeman in the body, rounding up and disposing of organisms attacking it. There are many types, each specialised in dealing with particular infections. The blood also carries antibodies to help the white blood cells identify anything that's foreign to the body.

That's not all...

The blood also helps the body regulate its temperature and pH, as well as transporting fats, sugar and proteins to cells to help them grow. The blood carries away waste products including carbon dioxide, too.

Bloodsuckers

Anaemia is the most common condition affecting the blood and occurs when there are not enough red blood cells. Loss of iron due to dietary deficiency, problems with absorption or blood loss, accounts for half of all cases. MP

Next month: the liver

We've been covered up all winter, so what's the guessing we haven't been checking for new moles or changes to old ones?

The skinn skin cancer

"People often fail to realisethat skin cancers are likely to appear in winter just as much as in summer," warns Kate Grant, nurse specialist at private cancer-screening service The Mole Clinic*, which diagnoses one malignant melanoma every month on average. "This is because the UV damage that can cause skin cancer will have already occurred— probably many years ago. This is a worry, because a melanoma can appear on the skin during winter and go unnoticed until the summer, leading to life-threatening

delays in diagnosis and treatment."

Recent figures from Cancer Research UK put older people squarely in the high-risk

WHAT TO LOOK FOR

GPs assess changes in moles according to a 7-point scale. You can do the same

Major features(score 2 for any of these):

• Change in size

• Change in colour, includinggetting darker or patchy

• Change in shape

Minor features(score 1)

• 7mm or more across

• Inflammation

• Oozing or bleeding

• Change in sensation, such as itching or pain

Ifyou score 3 or more in total,you need an urgent referral to a specialist. And if you're seriously concerned about any one feature, that merits a referral too.

category. Today's over-65s are three times more likely to die of skin cancer than 3o years ago. The 197os boom in package holidays is partlyto blame but, accordingto the cancer charity, pensioners are also less likely to check for suspicious moles.

Younger people shouldn't be complacent either. Most cases of skin cancer are diagnosed in the 15-34s. But nab a melanoma early and the chance of livingto tell the tale fiveyears later is more than 9o%.

So don't wait until summer to checkyour skin and, if you're worried about any moles, go now toyour GP or a private screening clinic, which will referyou to a dermatologist if necessary.

How to beat your tiergies

Hay fever and other allergies may not endangeryour life, but they can make it a misery. And they're on the increase. Here's how to useyour diet to ease the sneezes

1. Choose chicken not beef.A two-year study found that people who had the most trans-oleic acid in their diets—a form of monounsaturated fat found in red meat and dairy products—were nearly three times as likely to have hay fever as those who ate the least.

2.Eat an orange every morning.They're rich in vitamin C, a natural antihistamine. Some studies link low vitamin C levels with allergies.

3.Avoid monosodium benzoate. An Italian study found that this preservative triggered sneezing and an itchy nose in adults without allergies. It's often found in juices, pie fillings, pickles, olives and salad dressings.

4. Junk the junk food.Another Italian study compared the diets of children in Florence and in Burkina Faso. The bambini, who ate a sugar- and fat-laden diet, had lower levels of healthy bacteria that protect against eczema and allergies. The west African children ate mostly cereals, vegetables and black-eyed peas.

5.Sip green tea.Japanese scientists identified a compound (ECGC) in the brew that blocks a key cell receptor involved in producing an allergic response.

6. Chomp stinging nettles.Don't panic, we're talking about freeze-dried nettle leaves put into capsules! One studyfound they eased allergy symptoms for 55 per cent of volunteers.

30vieW

3D technology may be all the rage, but for many it's just no fun. Had a headache, blurred vision or felt sick or dizzy while watching a movie in 3D? According to The Eyecare Trust,you could be one of six million people in the UK who suffer from poor "binocular" vision—an umbrella term for visual problems where the brain can't correctly

process images transmitted to it via left and right eyes. Long-term solution

Get tested. Treatment may be as simple as exercises to help train the eyes to work together, or new glasses. Short-term tips

• Palming: helps relax muscles and stimulates acupuncture points round the eyes. With 3D glasses removed, sit down, take two deep breaths and close eyes.

With elbows on knees, lean forward; rest head in hands. Place left palm over left eye, fingers touching forehead, heel of hand on cheekbone, with hollow of palm directly over eye, leaving room to blink. Do the same with right hand and right eye, fingers crossing over fingers of left hand. Breathe deeply. (Minimum four minutes.)

• Take breaks while watching 3D videos or playing 3D games.

Elizabeth Adlam

The numbers that count

98%The drop in cases of polio since 1988. There are now zero cases in the UK.

93%UK women whose breast cancer is spotted during screening who are still alive five years later

80% The cure rate in children with leukaemia. Compare it with 33%in 1971.

59% The decline in risk of

death for healthy men who exercise once or twice a week.

58% Type2 diabetes cases that can be prevented by healthy eating and exercise.

50% The drop in lung cancer deaths in the past 5o years. And the number of smokers who've quit? Yup, that's halved too.

37% The cut in the risk of stroke among women who walk regularly and briskly.

32% The reduction in the risk of heart failure for women who eat up to two servings (4-6 squares) of chocolate a week. Hurray!

30% The drop in your risk of depression if you follow a Mediterranean diet closely. •

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Jan Masters happy helps you work

that photo opportunity

It's easy to see why celebrities get hung up about their "good side".Even as a "civilian", the hundreds of rubbish pictures taken of me have made me realise I need to find a pose that flatters. It seems that standing side-on looking back at the camera is my best bet (see above). The drawback is my holiday snaps have as much variation as the Queen on a roll of bank-notes.

Certainly, I'm better behind the camera than in front of it. I've worked out that my husband is best shot slightly from above—he says I'm the only one who can take a decent picture of him. But that's because I'm prepared to teeter on a chair and insist he stops looking embarrassed just because we're in a cafe or pub.

In fact, now my photography hobby is blossoming,

friends are asking me to take their portraits, too. In part, this demand for a good picture is down to the relentless rise of social networking. Each image is like a logo for "Brand You", seen by old friends, just-made contacts, current clients, future employers and possible romantic partners.

"Time compression is a factor now. We want to get to know people quicker than we did years ago, so the profile pictures we choose tend to be those we think most rapidly communicate an understanding of who we are," says Larry Franks, MD of influential brand publicists Borkowski.

"It's great to look good, but believe it or not, people don't want you to appear too glamorous," he says. "You may be taken less seriously."

Franks advisesyou to think about a photo's "publicity factor"—ie, what groups are likely to see it. He also suggests thinking of the future—if it's a memorable shot, you could be pinning it down for posterity. "In ten years' time, you might be running a company. Ask yourself if you want to be forever reminded of that St Trinian's outfit!" he says.

So, here are some tips for looking, if not pictureperfect, at least picturereasonable.

• Yellow-toned foundation tends to look better than pinky tones.

• Either look away from the camera completely or gaze right through the lens and beyond. The grinning, tourist-by-a-monument stance rarely does us any favours.

• Never position yourself under top lights—they neon-sign every flaw and cast terrible shadows. Same goes for strong sunlight, which will make you squint.

• Avoid havingyour portrait taken before midday, so post-pillow puffiness disappears. And always remember to breathe.

Holdingyour breath makes you look "frozen".

The latest flame

Apparently, potpourri has fallen right out of favour.Accordingto Mintel, it accounts for less than two per cent of the £356 million spent on home and car fragrances and fresheners in the UK. However, sales of scented candles, for instance, are booming. I think it makes perfect sense for fragrance to be enjoyed in the air as much as on the skin, especially given that the word perfume derives from the Latin per fumum, which means "through smoke".

Three gorgeous ways to scent your home:

• Light a delicious Jo Malone Home Candle in Pomegranate Noir or Wild Fig & Cassis, £38 each.

• Spritz Acqua di Parma's lushly light room spray in Colonia, £47.

• Diffuse Dr Vranjes Fico Selvatico or Ginger & Lime fragrance diffusers, from £28.

THIS MONTH I'M LOVING...

Full marks to Christian Dior...for reinventing the nail polish brush in Dior Vernis Haute Couleur

treme Wear Nail Lacquer, £17.50. Wide and roundt,the

cut, the brush matches the shape of the base of your nail, so you can achieve a professional finish with a stroke. iniqueis the number-one premium-foundation and in the world. So when it brings out a new base, it's worth checking out. The latest one was dreamed

foundation with Clinique's up because women were mixing

Moisture Surge Extended Thirst

Relief. Cut out the DIY dabbling with

Moisture Surge Tinted Moisturiser SPF15,£20.

Make money from your home (without selling it)

Exploit your parking space

An unused parking space or garage can be a money-spinner. If you live near a city centre or an airport,you could make anything up to £200 or £300 a week. Register your space for free on Parklet or Parkatmyhouse*.

Rent a room

Spare room? Not only will taking a lodger earn you a steady income, but also, thanks to the government-backed "rent a room" scheme, you won't have to pay any tax on the first £4,250 you make peryear. Try advertisingyour room on Spareroom or Easyroommate*.

Cash in on special occasions

Don't want a full-time lodger? Then rent on a short-term basis. Ifyou live in the capital, renting a room out during the Olympics or another big event could bring in the cash. Crashpadder*can advertise your space.

Live on set

Rentingyour home out as a "film set" could earn you hundreds of pounds a day, depending on the production company and how longyour property is needed. A quick Google search will bring up dozens of online agencies that allowyou to registeryour home for free—but they usually charge commission if your home gets picked. 9

that's soTlemy

It's fashion your way

Discover the secret..

That's My Style is a new collection offering flattering fashion that's always in your size. You'll find style advice on what works for your shape plus beautiful footwear and lingerie to complete your look. Try it today with 10% OFF.*

60+ CashCover plan

Pays you up to £25,000 if you suffer an accidental injury

A trip on an uneven pavement... a slip on a stepladder... a stumble on the stairs... accidents can have painful consequences - not just broken bones, but a loss of mobility and independence too.

That's why AXA PPP healthcare have specially designed the 60+ CashCover plan to help relieve the financial burden of being laid up while you recover.

5 good reasons to get 60+CashCover plan:

/ Simple, low cost accidental injury insurance designed specially for the over 60's

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V Instant acceptance for anyone aged 60 to 85 with no medical or health questions

V Tax-free cash benefit of up to £25,000 to spend as you please. Benefits are halved at age 81

/ Cover from less than 20p per day

*Vouchers are dispatched within 28 days of receiving third premium payment. Only one voucher per household. This offer cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer. There is no cash alternative to the £10 of Marks and Spencers vouchers. We may record and/or monitor calls for quality assurance, training and as a record of our conversation. Our phone lines are open from 8am to 6pm, Monday to Friday.The AXA PPP healthcare 60+ CashCover is introduced by Vivat Finance Limited. Vivat Finance Limited (trading as Reader's Digest Financial Services) (registered in England No. 07205138), whose registered of is at 157 Edgware Road, London, W2 2HR, is an introducer appointed representative of AXA PPP healthcare limited. Registered in England and Wales No. 3148119. Registered Office : 5 Old Broad Street, London EC2N 1AD. AXA PPP healthcare limited is authorised and regulated by the FSA under FSA registration no. 202947.

MONEY

Swap homes

Cut holiday costs by house-swapping and get your accommodation for free— check out Geenee, Home Base Holidays and HomeExchange*. Some will allow you to register free, while others charge a membership fee.

Open up your garden

Waiting lists for allotments are incredibly long, so if you have a garden you don't use, rent it out to someone with greener fingers. You can find more information and list your garden for free on Gumtree or Spareground*.

Sell storage space

If you don't mind storing someone else's clutter, rent out unused attic space. Again, websites such as Spareground and Gumtree are good for advertising spare space, oryou could pop an ad in your local newspaper.

Use your roof

You need the right kind of roof, but some energy companies cover the cost of installing solar panels (around £14,000) and let you use the energy generated for nothing. In return, they get paid for unused energy fed back into the National Grid. However, you usually have to sign a 25-year contract with the supplier, which could prevent you from altering your property and prove a problem if you decide to sell.

Have an online sale

Declutter and flog off stuff you no longer want on eBay*.

READER RETAILER

VS

When

digital retailer

Goodmans refused to replace or repair a TV costing £287 that broke less than two years after the customer bought it from Makro, we stepped in to help.

Fredrick Johnson (below), who contacted us for help after reading our article about rip-off retailers in December, said he'd initiallytried to get the TV repaired at his own expense. After replacing one broken part, the engineer discovered the TV had another fault. But when Fredrick, a head chef from Lancashire, contacted Goodmans to complain, he was told he had no right to a repair or replacement under either UK or EU law. Makro, meanwhile, informed Fredrick that it was not responsible for repairing the TV as it was outside its one-year guarantee.

Your rights

Under UK law, you have a right to expect the goods you buy to be of a "satisfactory quality, fit for purpose and as described". If your goods are not up to scratch, then, thanks to the Sale of Goods Act 1979, you have up to sixyears from the date

READER VS RETAILER CONTD

of purchase to claim a refund, repair or replacement. The remedyyou and the retailer settle on should be carried out within a reasonable amount of time and without causing major inconvenience. Butyou must go to the retailer, not the manufacturer, to make your claim—this is who your contract is with.

The outcome

In this case, the TV is not of satisfactory quality—it's reasonable to expect a TV worth £287 to last longer than 18 months. Ordinarily, Fredrick would have a right to request a repair, replacement, refund or part-refund from the retailer. But his case is complicated by the fact that he bought the TV from Makro, which is a wholesale retailer and trades on a "business-to-business" basis. The store did eventually agree to replace the faulty TV as a "gesture of goodwill", and with a two-year warranty this time.

Accordingto the Office of Fair Trading, when buying from wholesale retailers, you're not protected under consumer law and your rights may be limited. So read the terms and conditions of the retailer's returns policy and the manufacturer's warranty to check what you're entitled to. It's always better to speak to the retailer before attempting to get any fault fixed yourself, which could cause difficulties when you later come to claim.

For more information, check out the Consumer Direct website*. And if you thinkyou're in the right, don't give up— that's what they're relying on!

When travel firms crash

As many unfortunate Goldtrail, Sun4U and Kiss Flights customers discovered last year, when an airline or a holiday company goes bust you don't always get your money back.

The good news is that to help provide holidaymakers with greater protection and make it easier for people to work out when they're covered, the Government is planning to reform the Air Travel Organisers' Licensing (Atol) compensation

scheme, although it's unlikely the new rules will come into effect until next year. So what protection are you entitled to? And how will the new rules improve your cover?

Package holidays

You have far more rights if you book a "package holiday" through a tour operator than if you book your travel and accommodation separately. If you book a package and your airline fails, the tour operator is responsible for refunding the money or offeringyou another holiday. Or, if you're already on holiday when the firm col lapses,your tour operator will cover the cost of gettingyou home.

But if your tour operator fails, the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) will provide the refund or getyou home because operators that sell package holidays are required to hold an Atol licence from the CAA.

If your package holiday doesn't include a flight, it will be protected byyour tour operator's trade association—which is usually Abta.

But is it a

package holiday?

Some "flights plus hotels" or "flights plus car hire" deals now commonly sold online don't technically count as a package deal, and so don't benefit from the same protection. This is one of the areas of confusion that the Government hopes to clarify with its new Atol rules. The aim is to extend the compensation scheme to cover anyone booking a flight, accommodation or car hire from the same company. It also wants to make it a requirement for travel agents to tell holidaymakers when their trip is not covered by Atol, so they know to take

out additional insurance. For now, ifyou're in any doubt, call and ask—and checkyour booking has an Atol number.

Separate bookings

If you book a flight through a tour operator that's Atol-protected,you should receive a refund or replacement flight if the airline collapses. If the flight is not Atol-protected oryou book direct with an airline,you won't be covered by Atol and will have to pay for additional travel and accommodation yourself. The same goes ifyou book direct with a hotel or car-hire firm that goes under—and you'll have togo toyour travel insurer or credit-card provider for cover.

Travel insurance

Many policies exclude the failure of tour operators, so check the small print before you take out a policy. Many other insurers do provide protection, but you might need to pay for additional airline-failure cover.

Credit card

Remember: pay foryour holiday using a credit card and you'll get extra protection courtesy of your credit-card provider. This is because, under Section 75 of the Consumer Credit Act, if you pay for something costing between £ioo and £30,000 with your credit card,you may have the right to seek redress from your credit-card provider. •

Victoria Bischoff is a personal finance reporter at Citywire Money, an independent website that helps people make the most of their money. See readers digest.co.uk/links

Talking turkey

If you're in the mood, Christmas can come any day of the year, says Marco Pierre White

It's no secret that I love Christmas, so here's a dish to remind you of the big day, even though this is April and we're still in spring.

A lot of people can't tell the difference between chicken and turkey. I always say to them, "Depends on the turkey." Choose a good-quality British turkey that's been reared humanely (check this with whoever's sellingyou the turkey). You want a strong meat that's full of flavour; nothing else will do when you're serving it with gravy. And this is no ordinary gravy. This is gravy that takesyou back to school dinners but, hopefully, with far more taste.

A lot of boys at my school hated the gravy—in fact, I didn't like it much either. But the difference was that I knew how to make it better by adding my own portions of salt and pepper. One of my mates used to say, "Marco,you should be a chef." I'd reply, "And you can be the washer-upper!"

This recipe includes a Knorr chicken-stock cube, and before anyone starts jumping up and down, I'm well aware that I help advertise this clever little product. Snobby chefs will turn their noses up but, believe me, they will be the first to throw in a stock cube when no one is watching.

• Marco Pierre White is donating his fee for this column to Macmillan Cancer Support.

STUFFED TURKEY THIGH WITH GRAVY (serves 4)

i small packet (85g) Paxo sage and onion stuffing I turkey thigh, about 600g iooml water

A pinch of Knorr chicken stock cube

itbsp milk

1/2tsp cornflour

Maldon sea salt and freshly ground pepper

Fresh herbs of your choice, to garnish

1.Preheat oven to 350F/i8oC/Gas Mark 4. 2. Make the Paxo stuffing and insert it under the skin of the turkeythigh usingyour hand. A bit of gentle

pushing might be needed!

3.Place in a roastingtin and roast for 70-80 minutes. Then allow to rest in a warm part of the kitchen for at least io minutes.

4. Make the gravy. Spoon off the excess fat from the roastingtin and combine the roasting juices with the water. Bring to the boil and add the pinch of stock cube.

MARCO'S MAGIC

Before carving, remove the skin with the stuffing attached to it. Chop and serve

5. Mix the milk with the cornflour to make a paste before adding a tablespoon of the boiling gravyto the paste. Combine, then pour the cornflour mixture into the gravy to thicken it. Taste and season if necessary.

6. Carve the turkey and serve with the piping hot gravy, veg and fresh herbs.

Corking good stuff

Welcome to our new drinks writer Nigel Barden from the ;IR Simon Mayo show on Radio 2. This month, his tips on dealing with wine waiters— and Britain's celebrity brewers

How not to be daunted by a snooty sommelier? As the nose is the most sensitive organ in the body—we can recognise up to io,000 different smells —all you really need to do when presented with a wine for tasting is to "nose" your wine, having first given it a good swirl round the glass to introduce oxygen and open up the vinous elixir. Simply give it a good sniff, while tiltingyour head towards your dominant nostril (see right). If the wine smells appetising and beckons you on there's no need for the liquid even to passyour lips, as your nose will have confirmed everythingyou need to know. And with a rather dismissive, "That's great,"you can return toyour dinner-table buddies... If, however, it smells "corked"—as in smelling of cork!—it's likely that the wine will be tainted and therefore off. Also look out for bitter, vinegary or compost-y aromas, as none of these bode well. Fortunately, with the use of screw tops, artificial corks and an improvement in the quality of natural cork, the incidence of "off" wines is far lower than before.

Show you're in the know: you only ever need to taste the wine if you pick up a nasty whiff (and then just to confirm your w a rst suspicions)

At any time you have a dominant nostril,which can change throughout the day. In the morning, asyou liftyour weary head from the pillow, it may well be that one nostril is blocked, so the other one is more active on the smellingfront. This is one of the reasons why a gaggle of wine tasters will look rather pretentious as they cock their heads to one side to access their more receptive nostril. Close in towards the wine and see which sideyour head instinctively leans towards. (As I type, I'm leaning to the left in the nasal department.) Have ago yourself and wow your friends with your new-found olfactory knowledge.

• Nigel Barden, an ex-wine merchant, also works for Radio London and is the chairman of the Great Taste Awards.

IT'S BEER O'CLOCK

Despite the decline in lager sales there's been a real renaissance of interest in ale, with the number of UK breweries almost doubling to 80o in the past decade.

Posh eateries such as Le Manoir

Aux Quat' Saisons are producing extensive beer lists. There's also a raft of celebrity brewers—Spandau Ballet's Tony Hadley brews upHadley's Gold;Neil Morrissey (pictured) bottles bothBlonde and Brunette Ale; Hugh Fearnley Double-Barrelled has his ownStinger Nettle Beer;former Formula One champ Jody Scheckter prides himself onLaverstoke Park Real Organic Ale.Then Rick Stein'sChalky's Bark and Chalky's Biteare named after his old mutt—and even Prince Charles is partial to a royal pint, or four, ofDuchy Original Organic Old Ruby Ale.

AS YOU GRAPES BUT NOT and

KNOW

THEM

Chardonnay, so

There is life beyond brighten up a dull dinner Cabernet Sauvignon party by serving wines

from unfamiliar grape

varieties. In the white department, opt for the lemonyAlbarifiofrom Galicia in Spain; the floralGriiner VeltlinerfromAustria; and the grapeyTorrontesfrom Argentina. Intriguing reds are the plummy Carmenerefrom Chile, which originated in Bordeaux; the spicy, chocolate and tobaccoNebbiolo responsible for Italy's Barolo; and the heady, black cherryMalbecfrom south-west France and Argentina. •

will remain to give you a huge crop next year, and for a few years after.

You can also crop strawberries in big pots instead of in the ground—these can be raised up on bricks or other pots to ripen their fruits away from slugs. Or make half a dozen holes in the sides of a plastic dustbin full of rich compost. Plant into these holes, and add another three plants on top.

LSolutions

Bob Rowerdew answers your gardening questions

QWhich strawberry do you think ols the tastiest? My children want me to plant some.

A Everyone likes different ones, but P'lthe old variety Royal Sovereign is one of my favourites, as are Marshmello, Gariguette, Mara des Bois and Aromel. Those last three are also autumn fruiters, that crop until the frosts. But many others are tasty, too, so get several and compare.

If you plant pot-grown ones now, plant twice as many. Crop only alternate ones, which you remove immediately after fruiting, deflowering the others in the meantime. These

Qi have a small courtyard garden, which is gravelled over with a bench. But I want to impress my neighbours with something different— beautiful, yet preferably needing little, if any, work...

AHere'syour answer: invest in a couple of attractive, largish containers and get some choice water lilies to go in them. Other than an occasional topping up, the hardier water lilies go on for years with almost no attention,yet still bloom nicely. The more tender ones are riskier and may need to be put under cover in winter (they die down and can be housed in a much smaller container until spring), but offer brighter colours. Water lilies prefer

still water, so don't add a fountain or similar. Butyou could add a fewgoldfish or golden orfe for a bit of extra interest.

rtMy allotment's %.4 good for growing most things, but I get lots of biggish holes in my potatoes and carrots. Is it slugs?

AAs your soil grows most things well, I suggest it's moist, clayey loam—so slugs are a likely problem.

` c; The most damaging slugs

O are called keel, after a ridge on their back—they're small and greyish and hide in the soil. They can be trapped in d

hollowed-out potatoes and = carrots, or under buttered , ±1 cabbage leaves or wet O newspapers,then killed.

O You might also have .`,,` a secondary millipede, a2 cutworm or chafer-grub <> infestation, aggravating the holes started by slugs. but slugs remain the prime ,0 suspect. Agood dressing of ' (2) wood ashes or lime would benefit your vegetables and stop the slugs moving

around for several nights.

LL,

m

• 4 Bob Flowerdew is an Z organic gardener and a 0 T_ regular on BBC Radio 4's `cf Gardeners' Question Time.

JOBS FOR APRIL

This month the grass starts to grow fast, so mow it every chance you get. The weeds also get going, so hoe or mulch them out at least weekly.

Easter is late thisyearright at the end of the month —so have your seed potatoes ready to go in then. Buy now and encourage them to sprout before planting by standing them on end in an eggtray or similar, with the rose end (the end with the most little eyes or sprouts) uppermost.

If you want your roses to bloom this year,youneed to be careful of greenfly—they love gorging on theyoung shoots and buds. "But we heard that aphids dislike the scent of lavender flowers," says Hazel Bradshaw from Cheltenham, "so we planted dwarf lavender bushes at the foot of each rose. It was a great success—there wasn't agreenfly in sight all last summer."

And Bob adds, "Give your roses a good feed of blood, fish and bone meal, well-rotted muck, pelleted hen manure or a proprietary rose feed." •

Email your gardening tips and ideas—with photos, if possible—to excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk. We'll pay £50 if we use them on this page.

Suzuki even named its "Hayabusa" superbike after the peregrine falcon

WORDS OF PREY

Many commonly used words in English come from the ancient art of falconry. "Hoodwinked" comes from the hood slipped over a falcon's head to keep it calm by fooling it into thinking it's nighttime; "fed up" comes from a wellfed falcon's disinclination to fly, hunt or do pretty much anything! Some words are perhaps more unexpected: wild-caught falcons are called "haggards" as they are often thin and underfed.

Interestingly, my friend and falconry guru Lloyd Buck thinks the expression "larking about" also comes from falconry. The men would hunt with a peregrine, or perhaps a goshawk, but ladies would have a tiny merlin that they would fly at skylarks. The ladies' sport was considered rather tame compared with the men's, thus they were merely "larking about"!

PSYCHO KILLER

April signals the arrival each year of our most magnificent predator. Imagine a huge, streamlined cylinder of muscle weighing as much as an elephant, armed to the teeth and hurtling towards its terrified prey at over 3omph...I'm talking about the fabulous killer whale (originally known as the "whale killer"—only later did the words become transposed).

I've seen whales hunting seals in Shetland, ambushing them by powering at full speed around rocks. The seals will sometimes come up the beaches, paying little attention to the awestruck humans watching this drama, because there's something much more frightening out in the water.

Killer whale "pods" (family groups) make their first appearance in British waters around now. For more on where to see killer whales, go to readersdigest. co.uk/links.

SPITTING IMAGE

This month you might start to find small, frothy masses, looking very like spit dotted around on the stems of flowers. What exactly is it? "Cuckoo spit" is produced by a young insect known as a froghopper—it looks like a little frog and jumps around a lot, so it's a good name! The young

Martin Hughes-Games is looking out for killer whales and cuckoo spit

froghopper feeds on sap. Most of this passes straight through the little creature, but before it is excreted it's mixed with a secretion from special glands—a bit like adding a dash of washing-up liquid. Then air is added to the mixture by an abdominal valve that pumps like bellows, creating the froth. The mixture is extremely

foul tasting, although I've never tried it myself. The "spit" is to deter predators and stops the young froghopper drying out. Adult froghoppers can jump, vertically, about ioo times their own length. That's like you or me leaping 15o yards into the air! •

Martin Hughes-Games is a host ofBBC2'sSpringwatch and Autumnwatch

My best holiday ever*

Dawne Archer and her partner

Bernie Long, who live in Mallorca, will never forget visiting the iconic, rosystoned city of Petra while on holiday in Jordan

Walking through the Siq, the incredible rock-channel entrance to the historic city of Petra, set the scene—the rose-red rock was already in evidence, with its convoluted ridges and whirling designs. The first glimpse of the ancient Treasury (above), across a crowded square, was as magical as anticipated. Initially, we followed the tourist pathways: the Street of Facades gave a first look at the Nabatean tombs, then it was past the 2,000-year-old theatre and alongthe Roman-style colonnaded street. Everything was easily accessible. It was early December and the sites are much quieter off season. We were also grateful for the more comfortable temperature

Responsible Travel has a nine-day small group tour visiting Petra and nearby Wadi Rum from £1,149 includingflights

while exploring the desert areas. Wanting more of a challenge, we climbed the 800 steps up to the monastery. We finally emerged at the top of the world and a majestic edifice against the rocky hillside, with spectacular views across the plains.

Later, we went off the usual routes, following a Lonely Planet trail from the high altar above the theatre, climbing down among lesser-visited tombs and feasting caves (the Garden Triclinium, linked to the Soldier's Tomb, was amazing).

We passed a cave that was lived in by Marguerite van Geldermalsen, a New Zealander who met and married a Bedouin on her travels—her son still helps her run a stall in the caves.

I came away with exotic views, both of scenery and the Bedouin people. It's a truly magical and inspiring place.

* Sendus a photo of your favourite holiday, tell us briefly what made it so special, and if we include it on this page we'll pay you £75. See address on p4.

Edited by Kate Pettifer

GREAT ESCAPES for April

NAMIBIA'S NATIONAL PARK COASTLINE

This dramatic stretch of coast, featuring sand dunes and prized lichen fields, links the EOM Skeleton Coast Park with the southerly Namib Naukluft Park. Expert Africa's 16-night self-drive safari represents good value and takes you through the Dorob National Park to the game-rich Etosha National Park (from £3,209 including flights;020 8232 9//i").

WEEKEND PLANNERS

The bank holiday season invites a short break, but with limited timeyou won't want to waste precious hours tracking down tourist information. Plan ahead with the GreatBreaks series from Insight Guides. Using their visually led style, Insight has added six new

titles that are perfect for a staycation—Belfast, Bath, Guernsey, Snowdonia, the Cotswolds and York. Each includes a top ten of things to do, listings of walks and tours, plus special features on each destination. It could be £6.99 well spent.

3 IDEAS FOR NIGHT OWLS

Museum Night in Paris, with late openings citywide, is on May15. Short Breaks

has overnight stays with return Eurostar fares (from £12opp; 0844 482 2940*).

Join a Russian tour from On the Go that coincides with St Petersburg's Nights at the Museum event, May 21-24 (from £329 excluding flights;02073711113*).

And for celestial tourism, plan ahead for October's eight-day Rain of Shooting Stars trip to Turkey's Cappadocia, led by "galactic ranger" Dr John Mason (from £1,349 including flights; 0845 6091590*).

WEBSITE of the month

Travel is rarely eco-friendly,but this informativerather-than-preachy site has advice to help you make your holiday that little bit greener. A team of eco-travel experts, led by journalist Richard Green, can help you find a holiday, somewhere to stay, or plan a rail or ferry journey (including stopover hotels). The award-winning blog features travel news and tips, and you can sign up to the e-newsletter for regular updates and discounts. •

THE RD CHALLENGE

Strap yourself in for another brainstretching roller coaster! These six questions from Mensa, the highIQ society, are the ultimate mental. challenge. Allow yourself 20 minutes and venture forth!

•snuaA(s Jad pup aps `pea 07 bb pue ES tz SMOJ DIP-aLIN ueDad puemayseD `puowietiNDelsId (ZJaLisp8upx3 (L Sel3MSNV

Answer to March's question

Answer:One—as with Sudoku, the same number may not appear twice in the same row or column (each row reads: 21534,34215,15342, 42153,53421).

This month's winner: Chris Simon from Cardiff

1. Move from square to touching square (including diagonals) to find the longest possible word. What is it?

2. Rearrange the letters of SPECIAL CHAMPION WANTED CHAOS to give four nuts. What are they?

3. What number should replace the question mark in the grid?

4. Replace each set of dashes with a word that will suffix the previous word and prefix the following word so that a chain is formed. What are the words?

5. On each row, place a letter that can be substituted for the fourth letter of the words on either side. When completed, the name of a Roman goddess will be read downwards. What is it?

NEXT MONTH

Send us the answer to this question—the first correct one we pick on April 4 wins £50!* Email excerpts @readersdigest.co.uk

What letter should replace ZYVQJ?

• the question mark below?

The answer will be published in

the May issue

One point for every correct answer t, s 0-2 Charles and Di.It looked promising 1, but ended badly.

3-4 Fergie and Andrew.Didn't work out, 2 3 t; but at least they're still friends. 5 Kate and Wills.Let's all celebrate!

APRIL'S BOOKS

A N Wilson finds beauties, cads and drunks in the pick of this month's new titles

LUCKY BREAK by Esther Freud (Bloomsbury, £11.99 )

The latest novel by the author ofHideous Kinky andPeerless Flats is the story of three young drama students as they make their way (or not) towards a glittering (or not) career on the stage.

Freud was once a drama student herself, and much of the pleasure of the book lies in the sharpness of the detail. There's the grotty lodgings in the unglamorous London area of Willesden, with their smell of rotting wood, where the dodgy gas fire comes to life only if you blow it into action. There's the awful director who tries to use the casting couch.

But Freud is brilliant, too, at depicting the intensity of young actors' hopes, and the swoops and dives of their emotional lives. Almost as important as the love interest is the friendship. Nell, the appealing central character, is eaten up with self-doubt—about both her ability and her appearance compared with some of the more obvious beauties in the school. Central to the story are her feelings of envy for Charlie, a gorgeous half-African girl, who seems, at first, to be the student with it all: boys, sex appeal and a promising career. The ups and downs of their relationship provide the framework of the whole terrific novel.

FREUD

AN ITA

S H REVE

RESCUE

ROGUE MALE by Geoffrey GordonCreed, DSO, MC, and Roger Field (Hodder & Stoughton, £18.99)

No, this isn't the classic 193os' thriller of the same name by Geoffrey Household. Yet, as a true story based on the recollections and diaries of one of the great characters of the Second World War, it certainly proves thrilling (and even classic) in its own right. Major Geoffrey Gordon-Creed won a Military Cross on his very first day on the battlefields of North Africa. Later, he was parachuted as a saboteur into Greece, where he stayed for well over ayear, doing heroic mischief against the Nazis, and not exactly improving the morals of the Greek women.

It's probably safe to say that there's nothing here for the politically correct readerto enjoy. To Gordon-Creed, the

Germans are Krauts, the Italians are wops—and his attitudes to women are as robustly old-fashioned as his attitudes to other nationalities, to fighting and to death.

Even so, there's no doubting that this is the record of a hero—albeit one firmly in the Flashman mode. Roger Field, himself a soldier, has provided a very necessary commentary, explaining the historical and biographical background.

THE CHURCHILLS by Mary S Lovell (Little, Brown, £25)

The story in this book has been told any number of times, but there will be some readers for whom it can't be told often enough. In spite of the subtitle claiming to cover the family's entire history, it is, in effect, a digest of previous books about Sir Winston and his parents, prefaced by a short section on the first Duke of Marlborough.

During a distinguished career, Mary Lovell has written some remarkable books—including a joint portrait of the Mitford sisters and a brilliant biography of Bess of Hardwick. Here, though, I felt she'd switched to autopilot, and didn't have much to add to the mountain of Churchillworshipping books already in existence.

Still, if you're new to the subject,The Churchills won't let you down—and if you're an addict of the genre, it'll provide a perfectly competent summary of the books you've read before.

RESCUE by Anita Shreve

(Little, Brown, £12.99)

The three main characters in this novel were so instantly real to me that I found it almost unbearable reading. There's

Webster, a paramedic; Sheila, the woman he marries; and their daughter Rowan. The book starts with Webster saying goodbye to Rowan as she goes off to college. Bythen, he's a single parent and she's a rather sad girl on the verge of life. We then flash back to 18 years before, when he was called out to an accident. A beautiful woman (Sheila) had wrapped her car around a tree while blind drunk—and, as she recovers, Webster graduallyfalls in love with her. He also realises she's an alcoholic.

In fact, the reason he's now a single parent is that he and Sheila broke upyears ago because of the booze. Now he sees in his 17-year-old daughter all the terrifying signs of alcoholism... Rescue is so well constructed, understated and emotionallytrue that you won't be able to put it down. I was dead to the world until I'd finished it, and was desperate for it to have—well, i not a happy ending, at least one that wasn't too painful to stand. I won't spoil it foryou by saying whether my wish was grantedbut I will say that this remarkably moving and strong novel gets ten

Anita Shrikve: out of ten remarkably from me. .1) moving novel

RD BOOK CLUB

WITH JAMES WALTON

Each month, James Walton —RD books editor and presenter of Radio 4's book quiz The Write Stuff—has been inviting you to read our recommended paperback and giving us your comments and marks out of ten. Our professional critic A N Wilson has then read the same book and James has reported back on how your views compare.

APRIL'S CHOICE

Howard Jacobson may have won the 2010 Man Booker prize withThe Finkler Question—but many of us long-time fans still considerThe Mighty Walzer (1999) his masterpiece. The narrator is Oliver Walzer, who, like many a Jacobson protagonist, grows up in the Jewish Manchester of the 1950s. As an awkward adolescent, Oliver discovers a talent for table tennis—and, unlikely as it might sound, the game acts as a springboard for thoughts about sex, mortality, the urge for success and the strange comforts of failure.

THE VERDICT

This definitely wasn't the safest Book Club choice. As ever, Jacobson serves up plenty of jokes—but, as ever too, they tackle some pretty dark subjects. Happily, none of this put our members off. Instead, there was a complete, welcome—and, to be honest, slightly surprising—consensus that this is a great book. Even our female readers, for example,

had no time for the theory, once quite prevalent, thatThe Mighty Walzer is anti-women. As Fiona Mather from Liverpool put it, "to me it painted a picture of life as it was to the character at the time". Many of you also enjoyed it as a hymn to a now-vanished part of northern England—and felt that, in its defiantly unsoppy way, the novel is a warm celebration of family and friendship.

The only real reservation, in fact, was about too much untranslated Yiddish— a reservation shared by ANWilson. Otherwise, he too fell under the book's spell, particularly enjoying Jacobson's ability "to be hilarious and bringtears to your eyes on the same page". In the end, he awardedThe Mighty Walzer a trium phant 9/10—and so did you.

Our Critic of the Month is Shona Woods from Ireland, who wins £100 in book tokens for this review:

"This is a beautifully written novel—an informed tale of the awkwardness and self-consciousness of adolescence, a boy's confusing sexual urges and the inevitable failures that are part of living. It's also an insight into Jewish life in Manchester.

"The character of Oliver's father Joel is exquisitely drawn and produces some great comedy. His friends are also wonderfully done. I felt I knew them all intensely by the end and was genuinely moved by their misfortunes and sufferings."

As announced last month—this is the final RD Book Club. Many thanks to all of you who've taken part, and do look out for next month's new, extended books coverage. Happy reading!

BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Nick Knowles has presented a wide range of television shows, both documentary and entertainment. He is best known for DIY SOS, Who Dares Wins and Wildest Dreams—and is currently fronting BBC l's prime-time National Lottery show Secret Fortune.

THE CALL OF THE WILD AND WHITE FANG

by Jack London

These are both phenomenal stories, true boys'-own books. My dad gave them to me when I was about nine and I defy any boy of a similar age not to be swept up in them. The great adventures in hostile landscapes really appealed to me—it all seemed a long way from Southall in London where I grew up. My mum wouldn't even have a dog in the house, but I loved to imagine myself helping Buck on his journey against all the odds, or taming White Fang. The novels inspired me to travel when I left school and I still intend to put on snowshoes and venture forth into Canada's Yukon Territories one day.

SILK

by Alessandro Baricco

There was a time in my life when I had become cynical about love—but then I readSilk. It's a novella,yet its slimness

belies the extraordinary power of the tale. I don't want to give away the ending because it took my breath away, but suffice to say that the selfless love of the protagonist's wife reinvigorated my faith in humanity. Since then I have tried much harder to be empathetic and to see the good in situations, even when it's very hard. I've given this book to many friends to restore their belief in life's fairytales.

SMOKE AND MIRRORS

by Neil Gaiman

Some years ago I caught myself telling my children to hurry up when they had stopped to look at a puddle. It's easy to forget that children see things that adults fail to notice—they were intrigued by some oil in the water that had created a rainbow of colour. Neil Gaiman has never forgotten to look at the world from different angles—his viewpoint is unlike anyone else's I've ever read. His creativity and imagination in these 36 short stories and poems is quite brilliant; "Nicholas Was..." is a perfect loo-word Christmas story with a beginning, a middle, an end—and a dark, surprising twist. Gaiman constantly reminds us not to be complacent. • As told to Caroline Hutton

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

I went to China and bought my boyfriend a red Chairman Mao T-shirt.He put it in the wash and it destroyed all the other clothes.

Comedian Tiffany Stevenson

I was taking a walk in the countryside when I came across a huge lake and spotted a man fishing. I walked up to him and said, "Is it any good for carp in this lake, mate?"

He said, "Nah, we keep pulling them out and eating them."

John Tunney, Corby, Northamptonshire

a I met Stephen Hawking the other day and said to him, "Do you know that most people thinkyou're American because of your computerised voice?"

He said, "Tell me something I don't know."

YEARS PLANNER

"I see the physics department want to crack time travel this year"

And that was the end of that conversation. Seen on the internet

r My friend planned to renew her wedding vows. But she called it off at the last minute because the vicar wanted to wear a raincoat, trilby, sunglasses and a false beard.

!told her not to get too upset. It was probably a blessing in disguise.

Barbara Wootton, Newcastle-under-Lyme

I was showing my mum the iPad. "Look, you can read books on it," I said. And she licked her finger to turn the page.

Comedian Joe Lycett

A man has been accused of attacking six people with knitting needles. He seems to be following some sort of pattern.

Rachel MacGregor, Hartlepool

Burglars broke in and stole my Scrabble set. I'm at a loss for words

Michael Joseph, Lelant, Cornwall

I Love it that in EastEnders, when it all kicks off in the pub and everyone stops, someone also pauses the music.

Comedian Sarah MiLlican

Facebook is definitely the worst book I've ever read

Comedian Michael Dolan

I met a Lumberjack the other night in the pub. He seemed like a decent feller.

Seen on the Internet

ONE IS NOT AMUSED: REFLECTIONS ON THE ROYAL WEDDING

Prince William is marrying Kate Middleton. Apparently she' even pregnant—how posh is that?

So it looks like Kate Middleton will be queen one day—I bet she'll make a pretty penny. een on the internet

Apparently the Archbishop of Canterbury is going to marry Prince William. Bit of a blow for Kate, then.

David Beckham's on the Royal Wedding list because of William's football connections. Hopefully someone will read the invitation to him. osted on Twitter by the Queen's usimpersonator Queen_UK

BLASTSFROMTHEPAST

Let's face it—few of us look our best in a portrait photo. Some people celebrate these horrors by sending them to sexypeople-blog.com. Good for them, we say (but we're not going to follow suit).

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE!

tS A woman found her husband standing over their baby's cot one night, observingtheir baby. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of

emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.

Touched bythis unusual display of feeling, and with eyes glistening, she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts?" she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a cot like that for only £59.95!"

Grahame Jones, London

My girlfriend says, "Andrew, you never listen." I say, "Yes please love, milk and two sugars"

Comedian Andrew Lawrence

HARUMSCARUM

Author Tom Cox has an odd obsession with taking photos of scarecrows—he's taken 300 in the last two years! And he's found some very strange specimens on his travels...

If you'd lost an arm, you'd look this annoyed too

Bird feeders next to scarecrow. Confusing

Less scarecrow, more sheet on stick

NEARLY THE NEWS

Satirical headlines from the Daily Mashwebsite.

"Olympic stadium to become 'worldclass' car boot sate venue"

"Pretend Mars mission a success, confirms group of nine-year-old boys"

"Crime map to keep you nice and scared"

"M25 'just ends up back where it started' "

"Burger to headline Glastonbury"

"Modern couples having less sex, says person who makes these things up"

"iPhone fired into space to see if it finally gets a signal"

"Charity muggers to undergo compulsory self-doubt training"

"Looking back, I wish we hadn't removed that built-in wardrobe"

I'm in a very good mood, actually.I'll tell you why. I got a letter this morning from the bank, and it said, "Mr Dewsbury, we'd just like to remind you that your bank balance is outstanding." Thankyou very much!

Comedian Kevin Dewsbury

The barman says, "We don't serve time travellers in here."

A time traveller walks into a bar.

Seen on the internet •

BEAT THE CARTOONIST

WIN £200 AND A SIGNED ILLUSTRATION

0 Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the comedy experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-April alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite, and ifyour entrygets the most votes,you'll receive £200 and the original, signed drawing. Submityour captions to captions@readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 4 by April 10. You can also enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uldcaption. We'll announce the winner in ourJune issue.

FEBRUARY'S WINNER

Faintly whiffy fish-based puns were popular with entrants this month. The winning caption managed two: "You've come to the right plaice foryour operation. I'm a sturgeon." Ronnie Smith from Glasgow got the seal of approval for that one. Well done, Ronnie. Keep whiting in, everyone!

SCOREBOARD READERS 16 CARTOONISTS 9

Don't forget, you can put your captioning skills to the test in public this month! We'll be hosting a live version of "Beat the Cartoonist" in Shrewsbury town square from 11am to 4pm on April 15 and 16. You'll also meet some of our cartoonists and the Reader's Digest team.

• The biggest royal wedding of the decade

• Only available to 1 in 1,200 British citizens

• Each coin is uniquely numbered, just 50,000 will be issued

• Fully layered in pure 24 carat gold

Layered in pure 24 carat gold

TS for just £4.95

HRH Prince William and Catherine Middleton are to be married at Westminster Abbey on the 29th April this year and it is set to be the biggest royal wedding of the decade. For many younger people it will be the first time they have seen the wedding of an heir to the throne.

Now you can join the celebrations by owning one of the world's first crowns issued to mark this momentous royal celebration. Unlike other commemorative issues, the royal portraits on this brand new coin bare striking resemblance to the happy couple and they are depicted in precisely the same manner as William's parents, Charles and Diana, on their wedding crown issued in 1981.

This superb tribute to one of the grandest events of our royal heritage is certain to attract great interest, and not just from collectors. We recommend that you apply as soon as possible.

• One of the world's first crowns to celebrate

• Strict limitation ofjust 50,000 coins, the Royal Wedding each one uniquely numbered

• Struck to Proof standards - the highest possible quality

• Fewer than 1 in every 1,200 British citizens

• Fully layered in pure 24 carat gold can ever own one

If your application for the William and Catherine Wedding Crown is successful you will receive further coins in the Royal House of Windsor, a collection celebrating William and Catherine and the Royal Family, to view on approval. Each coin will be available to you at the privileged price ofjust £29.95 (plus £2.95 P&P) and despatched at approximately monthly intervals, always without obligation. You may return any coin within 14 days of receipt and cancel at any time.

THE DIANA I]) AWARD

All net profits from the sale of the wedding coin will go to The Diana Award*

This coin has been issued in support of The Diana Award founded as a lasting legacy to Princess Diana's belief in the power of youngpeople to change the world.