Handbook For Parents Guardians Of Middle School Students

HANDBOOK FOR PARENTS of Middle School Students

JustAsk@willingtowait.com Instagram.com/willing2wait Facebook.com/willingtowait Call: (616) 259-1506

415 Cherry Street SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49503

WHO’S WILLING TO WAIT?

75.6% of Michigan high school students have not had sex.

(2021, CDC)1

_____% Haven’t had sex

___% Have had sex

County high school students (2020, MiPHY).2

Ask your teen for the numbers in your area. (They learned this in class!)

Thank you for helping teens make healthy choices about sex and relationships.

Willing to Wait is for everyone!

Every student has the right to know how to achieve their optimal health and avoid health risks.

Every student deserves to know they are valued.

Always.

Willing to Wait® MSP 2023 | W2WHealthyYou.com

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Introduction to Willing to Wait When teenagers around the country were asked what makes the biggest difference in their sexual decision making, they reported that their parents were the single most influential factor!3 Research shows teens want their parents/guardians to talk with them about sex.4 We think that’s very significant, and that’s why we encourage parent dialogue in this program.

Willing to Wait (W2W) is a sexual risk avoidance curriculum that will be taught to your teen over the next several days or weeks. The W2W curriculum is comprehensive and stresses the benefits of waiting until marriage before having sex. The curriculum meets state requirements and teaches skills to assist teens in building healthy, satisfying relationships without the risks of non-marital sex.

We hope that you will take advantage of this opportunity to listen to your teen’s viewpoints on these subjects and, in turn, share your values and wisdom with your teen.

We have included an outline of the material that will be covered in class with your teen, along with interview questions for your teen to ask you and highlights from the lessons. We hope this handbook equips you to have conversations with your teen about how to achieve their best health.

You have the right to access the Willing to Wait® curriculum binder at your child’s school office.

Lesson plans and references for endnotes are also available at W2WHealthyYou.com.

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Willing to Wait Sex and Relationships Curriculum Middle School Lesson Outline LESSON 1: Everyone’s Talking About It Students will: 1. Define abstinence.

2. Identify why some teens are choosing to be sexually active and three reasons why most teens are choosing to wait to become sexually active.

3. Distinguish between facts and myths regarding teen sexual activity.

LESSON 2: Teen Pregnancy Students will: 1. State basic reproductive facts and terminology.

2. Describe the adoption spectrum and summarize the “Safe Delivery of Newborns” laws.

3. State how pregnancy affects educational goals, finances, employment, and social life.

4. Identify teen parents’ responsibilities to their children, and why these are easier to fulfill as a married adult.

LESSON 3: Sexually Transmitted Diseases / Infections (STDs/STIs) / HIV & AIDS Students will: 1. Name common STDs, list symptoms, and describe transmission of STDs/HIV. 2. Explain why abstinence is the only guaranteed way to prevent the transmission of STDs. 3. State the dangers of untreated STDs, including pain, infertility, and damage to organs.

4. Identify who is at risk for HIV/AIDS, and explain how to prevent its transmission, the characteristics of AIDS, and how to access HIV information, testing, and treatment.

LESSON 4: Emotional and Relational Consequences Students will: 1. Describe how personal goals and one’s sense of self-worth can guide sexual behaviors.

2. Give examples of emotional and relational outcomes that can result from sexual activities outside of marriage.

3. Contrast how well risk avoidance and risk reduction strategies protect against pregnancy, STDs, and emotional outcomes.

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Willing to Wait Sex and Relationships Curriculum Middle School Lesson Outline LESSON 5: Unhealthy Relationships, Laws, and Resisting Pressure Students will: 1. Identify characteristics of unhealthy and (physical, emotional, sexual) abusive relationships and identify how to seek help.

2. Summarize state laws concerning sexual activity and exploitation (date rape, sexting, consent).

3. Confidently use refusal skills in high-pressure scenarios.

4. Recognize peer pressure and risky situations.

LESSON 6: Dating and Setting Boundaries Students will: 1. Distinguish between affection and arousal and identify their proper role in various relationships.

2. Establish personal boundaries for physical intimacy and dating.

3. Communicate personal boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.

4. Describe how a sexually active student can choose to practice abstinence until marriage.

LESSON 7: Healthy Relationships and Marriage Students will: 1. Identify desired qualities in dating and/or marriage partner.

2. Summarize characteristics of healthy relationships.

3. Outline the benefits of marriage.

4. Demonstrate conflict resolution strategies for healthy relationships.

LESSON 8: Students Who Have Decided to Wait (Optional) Students will: 1. Observe a live or video performance by the Willing to Wait Student Leadership Team that demonstrates the ability to be a positive peer role model for healthy choices.

2. Engage in a general question-and-answer session with students on the Willing to Wait Student Leadership Team.

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THE ADOLESCENT BRAIN AND WHY YOUR TEEN NEEDS YOUR GUIDANCE A key to providing guidance to your teen is recognizing that the adolescent brain is still in the process of developing.5 What’s Happening: • Need rules and boundaries • Hyperdrive – need movement • Need safe risk taking • Need acceptance, attention, affection, and love • Fear of failure and rejection • Focus on self • Need to please those important to them • High sensitivity to addiction(s) like sex, drugs, and alcohol • Learning improves with short sessions and rest intervals • Organization and distribution of memory occurs while sleeping

What’s Not Happening: • Able to understand the “why” behind “don’t do that!”

• Self-control • Able to understand body language, social cues, jokes, and sarcasm • Setting priorities, planning • Able to stop and evaluate • Able to verbally express feelings • Respect for personal space • Common sense • Judgment calls • Focus • Able to understand long-term consequences

10 WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR TEEN’S SEXUAL HEALTH 1 OPENLY show your love,

6 SUPERVISE their music, TV,

2 LISTEN, listen, listen to your

7 HELP your teen set dating

support, and encouragement so they are better able to stand up to pressure. teen and ask their opinion. Be calm, don’t overreact.

3 TELL your teens why you want them to wait for sex. They will listen!

4 KNOW where your teens are, especially after school.

5 THINK through your own values on marriage, commitment, dating, extramarital sex, etc.

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and social media to direct them to influences that support your values. guidelines, such as type of dating (single or group), who to date, physical boundaries, and age to date.

8 MODEL healthy relationships and behaviors to your teen.

9 HANG out with your teens and their friends.

10 SHARE some of the struggles,

mistakes, & lessons you’ve learned about sex & relationships.

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Cut Here

INTERVIEW WITH PARENT Please ask your parent(s) or guardian(s) the following questions and record the answers. Make sure your name and parent’s signature are at the bottom.

1. How do you think things have changed regarding dating since you were a teenager?

2. How common were teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases when you were a teen?

3. What are some rules and expectations you have for teens when it comes to socializing?

4. What are the advantages of going out in a group?

5. Do you think there is a best age to begin going out alone as a couple?

Why?

6. What do you think makes a healthy relationship?

7. What do you think would make a relationship unhealthy?

8. What advice would you give a teen to help them have a healthy relationship? __________________________________ ____________ Student Name Date Cut Here

__________________________________ ____________ Parent Signature Date Willing to Wait® MSP 2023 | W2WHealthyYou.com

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LESSON

“THE TALK” There is No Right Way to Have “The Talk”

1

•

The only wrong way is not to talk.

•

You can start by talking about sports, music, or TV, as long as you find ways to talk about sex.

•

Talk about the advantages (physical, emotional, and relational) of waiting to have sex.

•

Don’t let your teen’s discomfort keep you from talking.

•

Don’t let the response, “I’m not having sex,” keep you from talking.

You Need to Talk to Your Teen About Sex •

Talk about sex even if you think others have covered it enough with your teens.

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They will never know how you feel about sex until you tell them.

•

Don’t wait until you feel comfortable or have all the facts right.

•

Please do it now. They need to hear from both parents/guardians.

You Have Something Important To Say •

Even though teens think they know everything, they don’t!

•

It only feels like they are not listening. They are!

•

They need your wisdom and need to know your reasons.

•

Even if they disagree with you now, it’s okay. Your advice can take a while to sink in.

•

You are still a good parent/guardian even if your teen is unhappy with you!

Use What You Have •

You have significant power and influence over the way your teen thinks.

•

Your past choices don’t cancel out your power or influence.

•

Even if you feel overwhelmed, remember that no one will fight for your children as hard as you will.

•

Your teen stops hearing when you stop talking.

Did your teen ask you to complete the interview on page 5 with them?

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LESSON

2 TEEN PREGNANCY

The Success Sequence The U.S. has a huge problem with teen pregnancies. 148,850 teenagers in the U.S. gave birth in 2021 — that’s about 408 every day!6 Teenage pregnancy can cause financial hardships, lower educational levels, and fatherless homes.7 BUT, research shows only 3% of people who do these three things, in this order, will live in poverty, while 86% will live in the middle or upper class.8 1. Graduate high school.

2. Find a full-time job.

3. Be married before having a baby.

ANATOMY TEST Ask your teen to explain the following terms: • Ovary

• Fallopian Tube

• Prostate Gland

• Cervix

• Implantation

• Epididymis

• Embryo

According to the CDC, the typical failure rate of a condom to prevent pregnancy is 13%!

The failure rate of the pill is 7%.9

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LESSON

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HOW STDS SPREAD10

1. Any sexual contact with an infected person (oral, anal, vaginal) 2. Skin contact with infected skin areas 3. Contact with infected body fluids: semen, vaginal fluids, rectal fluid, blood (HIV, Hep), breast milk (HIV) and saliva (rarely HSV, inconclusive HPV) 4. As a baby during pregnancy or birth Did you know the World Health Organization lists approximately 30 known STDs today?11

Facts about Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) ► According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), there will be approximately 26 million new cases of STDs this year.

About half of those new cases affect young adults between the ages of 15 and 25.12 ► According to the CDC, the best and most effective protection from an STD is abstinence.13 ► Condoms reduce but do not eliminate the risk of getting STDs.14 ► You cannot tell who is infected with an STD without testing.15 ► You will never get rid of some STDs - HIV, herpes, and (possibly some types of) HPV.16 ► Often there are no symptoms to warn you.17 ► STDs can cause pain, permanent organ damage, infertility, and (in rare cases) death.18 Willing to Wait® MSP 2023 | W2WHealthyYou.com

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LESSON

4 EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL HEALTH OUTCOMES DID YOU KNOW? Teens can help protect their emotional and mental health by waiting for sex.

Sex during teenage years is linked to higher risk for: 1. Depression19 2. Suicide20 3. Drug use21 Waiting for sex increases the opportunities for: 1. Better grades and education22 2. Better long-term relationship health23 3. Better mental and physical health24

EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE “Baggage” is what we carry with us. When you go to the airport, you hope all your baggage makes it to the same place you do.

Our actions, whether healthy or unhealthy, can add emotional “baggage” for us to carry.

From Waiting for Sex

From Teen Sex

1. Integrity

1. Regret

2. Confidence

2. Worry

3. Perseverance

3. Memories

4. Respect

4. Feeling used

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE | 988 10

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LESSON

SEXUAL ACTIVITY AND MICHIGAN LAW

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Consent means both people say yes clearly and freely to the sexual experience. Consent is not possible if: • Either person is under the age of 16 (in MI).

• Either person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

• Either person is mentally incapable of consent.25 No means no! Saying nothing means no!

And, sometimes yes means no!

STAY S.A.F.E. Sip only from closed containers

Friends leave together

Avoid Alcohol

Establish safety code

SEXTING Sending sexually explicit messages or photos Producing, sending, or forwarding a sexual picture in any medium (including computers and mobile devices) of any person under 18 is illegal.

In fact, it is a felony! Even if the picture is of oneself!

It is considered “child sexually abusive material” (or “child pornography”).26

“Manufacturing child sexually abusive material”27 Taking a picture of a nude or semi-nude person under 18.

“Distributing child sexually abusive material”28 A person of any age sending sexual photo(s) of someone under 18.

“Possessing child sexually abusive material”29 A person of any age accessing or keeping sexual photo(s) on their phone or computer of someone under 18.

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TEENS AND PORN: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW • The average age of first exposure to internet pornography is 11 years old.30 • The largest consumers of internet porn are kids ages 12-17.31 • In the U.S., 25% of teens have been exposed to porn online when they weren’t even looking for it.32

The Addictive Nature of Porn

When a person views porn, the body and brain release powerful hormones and neurochemicals (dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin).

Dopamine activates the reward center, making the person feel good and want to repeat the activity. Norepinephrine helps burn the emotional experience in our minds for easy recall, and oxytocin can create a bond during the sexual experience, bonding the porn user’s brain to the image.33

What the Research Says Porn Does34 •

Watching porn decreases sexual satisfaction

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Watching porn disconnects us from real relationships

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Watching porn lowers our view of women

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Watching porn desensitizes us to cruelty

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Watching porn makes us want to watch more porn

How Porn Affects our Kids35 •

Earlier sexual experiences

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Lasting negative and traumatic emotional response

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Belief that the best sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner

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Belief that marriage or having a family are unattractive prospects

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Increased risk for developing sexually addictive behavior

For additional information, visit FightTheNewDrug.org 12

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LESSON Cut Here

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

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Teens report that peer pressure is one of the top reasons for having sex. Help your teen think through how to face peer pressure by discussing how you hope they would respond in the situations below.

Pressure Situations Your Teen Might Face 1. Your friend at school has a big drug problem. They invite you to a party and offer you some drugs.

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend wants you to take some revealing pictures of yourself on your cell phone and send the pictures to them.

3. Several friends get together to ride to a party. After the party you find that the designated driver is drunk, and that’s your ride home.

4. Your boyfriend/girlfriend invites you over to their house after school. When you get there, you find that no one is in the house but the two of you. Now they want to go into the bedroom.

5. A friend wants to show you a porn site they accidentally stumbled upon while researching a homework assignment on the computer.

6. You’re at a party and everyone is hooking up and going into bedrooms alone.

7. A friend wants you to ask your older brother/sister to buy some beer for a party that is coming up this weekend.

8. Your parents are out of town for the weekend and you are home alone. A group of friends shows up with beer and wine and tell you a lot of other people are on their way over to your house.

____________________________________ Student Name Cut Here

____________________________________ Date ____________ Parent/Guardian Signature

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RESISTING PEER PRESSURE Affection or Arousal?

Teens who don’t set clear boundaries are likely to go further than they planned in a physical relationship.

Students who wish to completely avoid the risks of sex give themselves the best opportunity to accomplish this when they set their physical boundaries or “line” before any activities that could involve arousal.

AFFECTION 1. Talking 2. Holding hands 3. Hugging 4. Casual kissing

AROUSAL 5. Passionate kissing 6. Intimate touching over clothes 7. Intimate touching under clothes 8. Sexual activity

Two-question test to identify arousal: (Example: Walking with hands in partner’s pocket) 1. Is what we are doing OK in public? (Maybe…)

2. Is what we are doing OK to show affection in other relationships? (NO!) Did your teen ask you, “What would you do?” in the scenarios on page 13?

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LESSON

7 BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE FUN FACTS Not everyone chooses to get married, but for those who do, there can be benefits for them, their children, and their community. On average: •

Married people have the safest sex and have sex more often.36

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Married people are richer.37

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Married people live longer and are healthier.38

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Married people create new families with legal rights and benefits.39

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Marriage is the safest place for women and children.40

BUILDING BLOCKS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Unselfish Love Similar Values Communication

Compromise

Respect

Honesty & Trust

Any healthy relationship (family, friendship, dating) needs these qualities. It takes time to build these qualities into a relationship.

Sex is not part of the foundation for a healthy relationship. If initiated before marriage, sex can become the focus instead of other important qualities needed to make a relationship work!

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LOVING YOUR TEEN WELL41 Speaking your child’s love language is one of the best ways for your child to receive your love and will help you to better communicate.

Quality Time Your teen needs your undivided attention on a regular basis. For some teens this is a vital expression of love. This could include taking a walk, playing a game, or watching a sporting event together.

Gifts For a person with this love language, a gift is a visible, concrete symbol of love. It doesn’t need to be expensive. It’s not a bribe or giving in to every material request that your teen desires but a tangible way of saying I am thinking of you.

Words of Affirmation This is when a parent expresses affection, praise, support, comfort, etc. Some teens need to hear things like “I love you” and “good job” expressed verbally. It has to be sincere because teens who speak in this love language are often very sensitive to criticism.

Physical Touch Some teenagers long for a pat on the back, literally. A great big hug can keep them happy for the rest of the day. Loving expressions of physical touch could include fixing your daughter’s hair or playfully sparring with your son.

Acts of Service Do something positive for your teen. It might be teaching your teen how to do something or assisting them with a project. Sometimes they will ask for help when they are capable of doing it themselves. They’re not asking out of laziness; they’re asking you to show your love.

Adapted from Dr. Gary Chapman’s book: The Five Love Languages of Teenagers To find out more about your teen’s love language or to have your teen take a survey, visit: www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/teens/

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RESOURCES Medical Services PRC Grand Rapids - Free Pregnancy Testing and Low-Cost STD Testing - 616.456.6873 Kent County Health Dept. (STD testing) 616.632.7171 National AIDS & STD Hotline - 1.800.CDC.INFO Safe Delivery of Newborns Hotline - 1.866.733.7733 Sexual Assault Services YWCA Sexual Assault Crisis Line - 616.454.YWCA Rape, Abuse & Incest Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE Domestic & Relationship Abuse Services Safe Haven Ramoth House Shelter - 616.452.6664 YWCA Domestic Violence Shelter - 616.454.YWCA National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1.800.799.SAFE National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline - 1.866.331.9474 Suicide Prevention Services National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988 or 1.800.273.TALK Text “GO” to 741741 Homeless/Runaway Services The Bridge - Homeless Youth Services - 616.451.3001 AYA Youth Collective - info@ayayouth.org - 616.406.3945 National Runaway Hotline - 1800Runaway.org or 1.800.786.2929 CyberSafety & Pornography Protection www.ProtectYoungEyes.com www.FightTheNewDrug.org Parenting Support PRC Wyoming - Parenting and Material Support - 616.261.0014

COUPON FREE PREGNANCY TESTING AND/OR FREE STD TESTING To schedule an appointment, call 616.456.6873 or text 616.284.1545 PRC GRAND RAPIDS 415 Cherry Street SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49503 You may share this card with a friend, but please do not make copies.

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