H
i there! My name is Melanie and I am excited to start a column on all things related to foster care and adoption. I’ve traveled a long journey, and while there is still much traveling to do, I’ve learned a lot along the way. At one point in my life, I was a foster-mom, adoptive-mom, step-mom, biological-mom, and “just because”-mom all at the same time. I’m simply a plain mom now - if there is such a thing! I adopted five of my children through the foster care system and had one biologically, making a total of six. Nothing about us is “simply plain”, but things are simpler than they used to be. My oldest three came to me at the ages of 3, 5, & 6, the others newborns. Now, they are ages 13, 15, 16, 17, 19, & 20. Twelve years ago, I thought it was neat to have them all so close in age, but no one told me I’d one day be a single mom raising that many teenagers at the same time! While there are always challenges, and there have been many, they pale in comparison to the joy my children have brought my life. When people learn that I adopted children, they are always quick to say what a blessing I must be to them. That statement couldn’t be more backwards. Next to Jesus Christ, my kids are my lifeline. They bring unexplainable joy to my heart, and they are the reason that I am determined every day to build a lasting legacy. The truth is, our life has not exactly been peaches-n-cream; we all have walked through hard traumas both pre and post adoptions. There have been many times that I wondered if I did them any favors at all. As they get older, I am amazed at their resilience. I see them fight in their own ways to overcome what was meant to break them. I see them realize the truths that they once could not understand. I see them quietly determined to beat the odds stacked against them. My kids are warriors at heart, and they inspire me to fight on the frontlines. Perhaps the first question I always get asked is: What made you decide to foster and adopt kids? Like many young girls, I had dreams of marriage, babies, and staying home to take care of them. And don’t forget the white picket fence that surrounded the perfectly manicured green lawn of the cozy, country home in which I planned to raise them all. Only that’s not what happened. Like many, I couldn’t get pregnant. For two years we tried. There were doctors, tests, procedures, and expensive medications. No one talks about the stress that fertility issues put on a marriage. The spontaneity young couples share of making love when you feel like it and having fun doing it is quickly replaced with calendars, schedules, and prayers that it “worked” this time. I had a strong aversion to the idea of foster care (those were kids with “issues”) and I certainly was not going to adopt a child. I was going to fight no matter how miserable it made me to fit into the picture-perfect chasm of societal norms. As the desperation to conceive built, God began to convict me. “Do you not trust me,
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Melanie?” Well God, yes, I do, but you’re asking me to do something I cannot do. You see, the desire to have a baby and the inability to conceive was about more than my picture-perfect plan. My every hope and dream, my femininity, and my ability to be a wife was wrapped up in the idea of being a mom, and to give it up was a sacrifice I wasn’t sure I could make. Fortunately, even though I am a rebellious kid with “issues” myself, Father God never gave up on me. After many months, I finally surrendered on a Sunday morning. I remember going home, throwing away all the medications, and telling God, “I trust you to give me a baby by whatever means necessary, and I trust you to make me love that baby as if it came from my own womb.” About two months after throwing the medication away, we decided to get certified as foster parents so that we could foster-toadopt. Honestly, we were young and broke, and it was the only way we thought we could afford adoption. At that time, certification took about 6-8 weeks and guess what? Two weeks before completing our licensure, I found out I was pregnant! Immediately everyone wanted to know, “Will you still do foster care?” I knew in my heart that foster care was a road I would have never traveled had I been pregnant beforehand. I remembered the extreme conviction and surrender to God that it took for me to conceive and I knew…God had a bigger plan. While I didn’t know why or what it was going to look like, I knew there was a child somewhere that God had handpicked for me. ME. God knew what I needed. It wasn’t about what I could do for the child. Instead, it was about me learning the definition of true, unconditional love. The hard love, not the easy stuff. Love that can’t be earned. Love that endures. Love that leaves you helpless. Love that is challenged. The kind of love that breaks a person’s pride quickly. The kind of love I am still learning. I am convinced that the love learned through foster parenting and adoption is the sweetest, purest form we can learn this side of Heaven. I have dedicated my life to sharing our story so that others might know that they are not alone. One thing about me, I like to keep it real. I will share my deepest joys, but I won’t tell you it was all rainbows and unicorns along the journey. The foster care and adoption road involves some steep and treacherous climbs, but when you reach the summit, the views are priceless! I look forward to sharing tips, tricks, and lessons learned for those families walking or those who are considering embarking on this same journey! Want to know more of the story? Check out the next edition of Our Hometowns for information on the different types of foster care and adoption methods! Do you have questions related to foster-care or pre/post adoption? Submit them to melanie@righteousroots.org and maybe they’ll make it into the next publication!
