Preface
When the fuck is someone going to beat the Chiefs? Starting to run out of good teams that might be able to do it. Good football sent down the fucking tubes after Thursday evening, with randomers like Marquez Vandling Scantling & Tylan Wallace netting touchdowns on the benches. Some heart breaking losses were to be had this week, and other losses which weren’t even close.
What do you get when you replace 2x ghost team owners with more competent ones? 7x team owners that are all within a game of each other, and only 1x with a winning record at week 10….
News & Notes
● Ja’marr Chase is the first receiver in NFL history to post multiple 260+ yard games
● He has beaten out the likes of Julio Jones, The Megatron & Jerry Rice
● Through 10 weeks, Lamaar Jackson has the highest QB rating in NFL history at 123.2
● Rodger Goodell has announced eight international games for 2025, at: Brazil, London, Spain, Germany, Mexico City, and possibly Ireland
● The Queefs are quite litteraly the worst 9-0 team in NFL history according to point differentials, at +58 pts
● Russel Wilson since debuting with the Steelers is 3-0, 737 passing yards, 7TDs, 1Int, 105.86 QB rating.
● Maybe the Broncos are just shit?
● For the 3rd straight game, Cardinals didn’t permit the opposing team to score a touchdown
● This was against the butt fumbles, Chargers and Bears but still impressive
● Shane Woldrun, OC of the Bears has been fired after the locker room directly appealed to Eberflus and owner McCaskey
News & Notes
● Jared Goff becomes the 1st QB in NFL history to throw 5 interceptions and win the game on a 4th quarter comeback. Pretty sure you could say that about anyone playing at any other position on the Lions it’s so rare
● The Bears have failed to score a touchdown in back-back games for the first time in 20 years.
● The Bears are now considering benching Caleb Williams as well as firing Shane Waldron.
● Memba when the Butt Fumbles blamed Aaron Rodgers ability to throw the football on their defensive minded HC Robert Saleh?
● FTJ defense is now giving up the most expected points per play since he left.
● The Colts declare they have given up for the season, by naming Joe Flacco as their starter, after he posted another belter of 4 interceptions
● Derpmaster Jones is likely to be benched, as the Giants & Daboll face a 3rd disastrous season with Jones at the helm
Injuries
Fortunately not too many additional injuries this week...
Dalton Kincaid injured his knee, day to day
Miles Sanders injured his ankle & carted off like his career, week to week
Ian Thomas out with a calf injury, day to day
Sam LaPorta strains his shoulder, week to week
Tank Bigsby injured his ankle again, day to day
5 games left and my what a mess. It’s like being back in week 2 except there are 3 playoff spots realistically remaining; not that I have secured a spot mathematically. Week 11 is now the
Things are going to get toight like a tiger in the next 2 weeks, and due to the parity evident in the league, you’re all now forcing me to create a fucking spreadsheet in order to calculate playoff chances...
Chris: 1 win or tie breaker
Ben: 3 wins
Jamie: 4 wins + tie breakers
Callum: 3 wins
Scott: 4 wins + tie breakers
Jamie Snr: 4 wins + tie breakers
Will: 4 wins + tie breakers
Shiv: 3 wins
Chris: 99%
Ben: 50%
Jamie: 40%
Callum: 50%
Scott: 40%
Jamie Snr: 40%
Will: 40%
Shiv: 50%
Fun Fact: All of you need me to win when not against you, as a clear no2 emerging now reduces your ability to get into the playoffs more. You’re no longer collectively competing against me.
Week 10 Matchups
It’s nice having the QB1/WR1 on the week, on the year and in dynasty. Which is just as fucking well because the rest of my team were pretty bang average asides this week. Bears D should have been a smash play, but Caleb Williams defies expectations and kept giving the ball back to Maye to induce death by field goals. Hall continues to see opportunities taken away by Rodgers ineptitude, meanwhile Taylor was at the mercy of Flacco giving the ball away to the Bills numerous times. Kecle at least drove a dagger through Ben’s heart, both in fantasy and irl, putting up his 2nd TD of the season. Not too fussed either about McCaffrey going 16 pts in his first game back on 12 rush attempts, as he’s back to being a primary target hog.
Honestly, kudos to you for watching the games on Sunday as you probably could have spent the day relaxing instead, much like your team. There wasn’t much you could have done though, albeit you get what you deserve for placing your trust in Rodgers. Whom could barely throw for more than 7 yards, with ~3pts overall. De’Andre Swiftly ran into a brick wall for 7.5 pts, and yer stud receiver Jefferson wet the bed. The lamb was also silenced for less than 10 pts. Mandrews and LaPorta at least put up some decent points, over 15 each, meanwhile Kunt and Hubbard also had decent outings, averaging around 20 pts each. I guess you’re going to have to go to the random generator though for selecting your QB next week.
4-6
Watching this matchup was like watching a pair of drooling retards slap each other silly. This week was closer that it should have been after your team decided to flip a switch post Thursday and do everything in their power for you to lose. You would think Barkley would be a clear beneficiary of a blowout game with Dallas but nope, empty yardage with only 15 touches. Wilson suffered from an OAP throwing the ball, or trying to, and Nabers has done sweet f all since you traded for him. At this point you also have to start asking yourself if you need to draft yet another QB in 2025, as the vegetable that is Tua stank in the Los Angeles heat. At the very least, Hockenson had an immediate impact in his first game back healthy.
This is quite the unfortunate losing streak you’re on as your team settles in to apathy and injury, simultaneous to the ongoing bye weeks. You gave us all a laugh this week at Jamie’s expense by nearly beating him though. Conner didn’t get much going on the ground, but he did catch enough to earn 22 pts, and even worse for Mixon. 25 carries for 46 yards is filth. The TD and lone reception saved him. Terry made the most of his 5 catches for an impressive 113 yard game, but that was pretty much it. 49Ers D didn’t fare well against the Bucs, Smith and Addison apparently only do something when up against me, unable to accrue 10pts combined. Then there was whatever sorry ass excuse that game was for Adams. You’ve also lost Kincaid for a bit. Please just use the waiver wire….
Week 10 Matchups
Hurts Me Bijan
178.68 pts
5-5
Leeroy Jenkins
145.32 pts
4-6
A comfortable win after the abysmal display last week, Hurts Me Bijans team was led by Bijan Robinson whom notched a whopping 29pts! Maybe one day you’ll heed my advice concerning QBs though, as Darnold went back to being that kid from sixth sense for 6 pts. The Vikings D at least woke tf up for a very nice 21 pt game, meanwhile London appears to have recovered well enough for a hip injury for a decent enough outing of 17 pts. Sutton and White caught enough targets to get to 19 pts each, and the rest of yer team were meh. Jones looks to be dealing with a lingering injury, and Wandale had a pedestrian 10 pt game thanks to the Derp Master. Puka does well when he doesn’t try to punch the opposition.
I don’t understand how this, of all teams, kept me from going perfect thus far. Brock had himself a Purdy good game with 28 pts, and Harrison finally fucking did something after weeks of having a baby try to throw passes to him. Quite brave to pit the Lions D against the Houston Texans, although Stroud evidently isn’t that great a QB without a full cast of decent receivers around him. That Tucker only had 2 pts in a 35 pt game for the Ravens is a bit of a head scratcher, might get revised on Wednesday… Downs continues to be the only person that Flacco seemingly throws the ball to, to the detriment of the Colts overall, and the rest of your team did sweet fuck all. Pitts netted shy of 10 pts, and Henry only caught 1 of 4 passes. Shakir, Gibbs, and Hopkins meanwhile put up around 11 pts each. Just an average team at this point unfortunately.
4-6
Our final battle of mediocrity felt like watching 2x chubby marathon runners trying to cross the finish line but waylaid by nearby pubs. No one wanted to win...
Burrow comes out with an opening salvo Thursday night with yet another ridiculous performance of 39 pts, and at this point should be considered a top 5 dynasty QB. Went down pretty fucking quickly from there, as the only other spot to put up more than 15 pts was the Cardinals defence (whom made this pats fan very happy). Waddle & Achance combined for less than 20 pts to close out the fantasy week, meanwhile Bigsby got banged up in what feels like his 4th injury on the year…. wait…. You played Ettiene as well? 2x Rbs from the same bad team in a negative matchup against the Vikings. This is either blindingly retarded or the worst kind of flex you could play against Scot whom is renowned for having multiple players from the same team start.
With the aforementioned, Scot, you did not deserve to lose. You got the QB decision right this week, with Murray going for 29 pts and ending the aspirations of many a new yorker, and the Chargers D caused Levis nightmares all day. In the blowup game on Thursday, Flowers put up a wretched performance of7pts after doing so well recently. Worthy does not seem to have been worth your 2nd round pick though, putting up yet another shit game of 2pts. At least James cook did something with 15 pts, but Tyreek Hill man. If it weren’t for that touchdown, you would have been in even worse dire straits. Don’t feel bad about Scantling putting up 25 pts on your bench, no one in their right mind would have thought he’d do well this week.
Week 10 Over Reaction
Power Rankings
Hospital of Salt
Hurts Me Bijan, TF is a Waiver Wire? Maybe Nix Year
LeeerrrrooooyyyyJennnnnkkkkkiiiiiinnnnssss #FreeDeeboSamuel, Suck My Penix, Sofa King Burrows
