New parenthood and all the expectations that come with it are hard. We’ve got your back this month with seven things that it’s totally OK to let go of during this amazing, yet overwhelming time (page 10). Before you know it, those babies are headed to school and you’ll be wondering how to best help them succeed. Consider these homework helper tips (page 12). Next up is the tween years, when emotions are high. This edition shares some approaches to developmental management (page 16). One way to channel children’s energy is through extracurricular clubs and activities. Read how these groups can benefit kids (page 20).
And, just like that, the kids aren’t little anymore and are talking about campus tours and college mascots. The National Association for College Admission Counseling offers a month-by-month timeline for maneuvering one’s way through junior year on the road to higher education (page 24).
Beyond caring for the kids, parents sometimes find themselves considering the next step in their marriage. In “Becoming Single” (page 28), the concerns following divorce are addressed and some ways to handle them are offered.
Whatever stage you’re in, we hope this edition offers some advice and encouragement you can use!
Parents rejoice! Kids and adults alike love chicken tenders, so we created a healthier spin on this family favorite that’s simple enough to whip up for a weeknight dinner.
We started with strips of lean chicken breast meat coated in a creamy herb mixture of Clover Sonoma Pasture Raised Organic Whole Milk Plain Yogurt blended with ranch dip mix. Our yogurt helps seal in the juices to keep the chicken moist and tender in the oven.
After we dipped the tenders in yogurt, we rolled them in crispy panko bread crumbs and baked them to crunchy, golden brown perfection! With only four ingredients, this recipe is especially kid-friendly for your little kitchen helpers who want to lend a hand. And just wait ’till you see how fast they fly off the plate! ❖
2. In a medium bowl, whisk w seasoning together until smooth.
3. Reserve 1/2 cup yogurt-ranch mix for dipping, and place in refrigerator.
4. Spread 1/2 box panko breadcrumbs in a separate dish or pan.
5. Dip each chicken tender in the yogurt-ranch mixture (let excess drip off or they will be soggy), then roll each tender in the breadcrumbs. Add additional panko crumbs as needed.
6. Arrange chicken tenders on a baking sheet and bake on the center oven rack for 40 minutes, or until cooked through and light golden brown.
7. Serve warm from the oven with reserved ranch dip, and a fresh green salad or veggies of your choice for a complete healthy meal.
Calling All Pirates!
Ahoy, mateys! Set sail for adventure during Pirate Day at the Children’s Museum. Dress in your pirate best and join the museum for swashbuckling fun, a treasure hunt, and pirate crafts for little buccaneers of all ages. Friday, September 19 from 9 a.m.–4 p.m. Admission prices range from $15–$18, with discounts for museum members. Children’s Museum of Sonoma County. 1835 W. Steele Ln., Santa Rosa. Learn more at tinyurl.com/mur7wary.
Cloverdale Car and Motorcycle Display
The 31st Annual Cloverdale Car and Motorcycle Show features classic and custom cars, muscle, exotic, and vintage rides. Free admission for all ages. The event kicks off with a pancake breakfast from 8–10:30 a.m. Car show, food trucks, live music, and kids zone. Whether you’re a car enthusiast or just love a good time, there’s something for everyone. Let’s celebrate 31 years of horsepower, chrome, and community! Saturday, September 6. 10 a.m.– 3 p.m. Downtown Cloverdale on Cloverdale Boulevard. For more details, visit tinyurl.com/p6c2umj2
Celebration of Compassion
Sonoma County VegFest promotes a thriving planet, happy animals, and a healthy community. Discover how you can make a difference every day at North Bay’s premier celebration of compassionate, healthy, and sustainable living. Food, animal encounters, animal art, vegan boutiques, nonprofits, and sustainable products. Also free samples, cooking demonstrations, speakers, and live music. Saturday, September 27. 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Santa Rosa Veterans Building. 1351 Maple Ave., Santa Rosa. Find out more at socovegfest.org.
Pirate Day
Sonoma County VegFest
Cloverdale Car and Motorcycle Show
Adaptive Tennis on the Court
Tennis is a sport that can be adapted for anyone’s participation. Regardless of age, environment, social, intellectual, or physical ability, participants can enjoy the game. Hosted by The Dymphna Foundation and Sonoma Community Tennis, this free adaptive tennis event is for neurodivergent children of all ages. Lunch provided, as well. Sunday, September 21 from 10 a.m.–1 pm. Hanna Center Tennis Facility. 17000 Arnold Dr., Sonoma. For registration information, call Lisa at (707) 803-1707 or email Info@DymphnaProject.org.
Cars and Planes Showcase
Classic and muscle cars from every era, parked next to the high-performance historic aircraft, are showcased at the Wheels & Wings Car Show. A day of cars, planes, and family fun, plus famous hot dogs served. Tickets are $10, with ages 7 and younger admitted free. All proceeds go directly to the Pacific Coast Air Museum. Saturday, September 20 from 8 a.m.–2 p.m. Free parking: 3631 & 3645 N. Laughlin, in the lots next to the show site. pacificcoastairmuseum.org
Recognizing Hispanic Heritage
Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month at the free 16th Annual Fiesta de Independencia with authentic food, music, games, and activities for the entire family. Organized by the Center’s Latino Advisory Council, this family-friendly festival honors Latin American countries that recognize their independence during this month. Sunday, September 14 from 1–7 p.m. Gates open at noon. Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, 50 Mark West Springs Rd., Burbank. tinyurl.com/ hf4jy5tm
Wheels & Wings Car Show
Adaptive Tennis
Fiesta de Independencia
Let It Go!
Seven Things to Stop Worrying About
By Sarah Lyons
New parenthood is hard. There is always something to be done, someone who needs assistance, and multiple things to worry about. Some worries are valid, but there are some we need to let go …
Personal Expectations.
Before I became a parent, I had high expectations for myself as a mother. I had things I wanted to do and things I declared I would never do. After my first child was born, I quickly realized that I would change my perspective on most pre-child declarations. When parents accept that they are doing the best they can, at that moment, for their kids, they will be able to cross this worry off their list.
Guilt. Do you worry that you don’t spend enough time with your child? Do you feel guilty you were not able to breastfeed? We all have to make
choices and sometimes those choices cause unnecessary guilt. Let go of those feelings and focus on all the things you are doing for your child.
Outward Appearances. A tidy house, a perfectly decorated home, an amazing wardrobe, all organic, home-cooked meals, the perfect marriage, smart children, and a partridge in a pear tree. This is not a realistic, reachable goal.
It is easy to get caught up in what our families look like to others. It does not matter if your children wear perfectly coordinating outfits. Is your child dressed in weather appropriate clothing? Great. Does
it match? It’s your lucky day. Social media puts so much pressure on us to keep up with what we believe others are doing. Embrace the fact that no one is really perfect and nobody’s expecting you to be.
What
Ifs. Parents often worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. What if he gets sick? What if she falls and gets hurt? What if I forget something important? What ifs are not worth the energy they use. Acknowledge
Parents have permission to let go of past mistakes and teach their children to do the same.
they are unnecessary and decide not to waste time on them. Face the problems in front of you rather than worrying about issues that do not exist.
Comparisons. Don’t compare yourself to other parents. Your family is unique. Your circumstances are unique. Do the best you can for your family and forget the rest. Your parenting style for your children will be different from others, but that doesn’t mean it is bad. Another pitfall is comparing your children to their siblings or other children their age. Each child has their own unique personality and will develop at their own rate. If you feel your concerns are valid, consult your child’s doctor for peace of mind.
Mistakes. Every parent makes mistakes and it is easy to spend time worrying about what should
coaster, instead of trying to steer, throw your arms up in the air and enjoy the ride.
Learning to let go of these worries usually leads to feelings of relief. Remembering that each family is unique and each parent handles situations differently, it is easier to relax and enjoy your family more.
Embrace the fact that no one is really perfect and nobody’s expecting you to be.
Parenthood changes you and while it’s freeing to let go of unnecessary worry, there are some things parents should still hold onto … have been done differently. The past cannot be changed and although not easy to do, we must let go of things we cannot change. We can learn from our mistakes and continue to do our best in the future. Parents have permission to let go of past mistakes and teach their children to do the same.
• Interests and hobbies.
• Your relationship with your significant other.
• Maintaining a healthy diet and exercise routine.
• Friendships.
• Encouragement of others.
Control. I am a recovering control freak. With each child we added to our family, I was worn down a little more. When our triplets arrived, it finally dawned on me that I am not in control. Once I realized (and accepted) this fact, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yes, my husband and I are still in charge of the household, but I cannot control what happens in life. It’s a roller
• Who you are outside of your role as parents.
For new and veteran parents alike, learning what to let go of and what to hold onto is hard, but can help you enjoy the moment more so than regretting the past or fretting about what is yet to come. ❖
Sarah Lyons, mother of six, has learned to let go of many things over the years to maintain a happy and functioning household.
Homework Helper
Routines, Tutors, and More
By Sandra Gordon
Homework and headaches go together like macaroni and cheese, especially now that there seems more to do early on. Tutoring is certainly one answer. “A tutor can be helpful if your child needs personalized remedial help because she’s below grade level and the lessons are out of your league,”
says Lisa Jacobson, chief executive of Inspirica, a national tutoring and test-prep firm.
You might also consider hiring a tutor if you don’t have the time or energy to help with homework, it’s a hot button for you and your child or if your child wants to prepare for college-entrance tests. Otherwise, it’s worth putting on your thinking cap and trying to tackle your child’s homework issues yourself. Try these strategies …
To minimize resentment, understand why your child has homework. Homework helps promote children’s physical, social and emotional health and well-being. Research shows that homework is especially beneficial as a review before a unit test. It also helps kids practice concepts they learn in school, develop self-sufficiency and instill the idea that learning is a process that doesn’t end with the dismissal bell.
Kids crave consistency, so make doing homework automatic by creating a routine that fits their personality. Serious students may prefer to do homework right after school. Other kids might need to burn off steam by running around or vegging in front of the TV for 45 minutes before getting down to business. Whatever formula you choose, stick to it.
Choose a homework hub. Some kids work best in their bedrooms. Others like to do their homework in the kitchen while you’re making dinner. Anywhere is fine as long as there are no distractions.
If you have more than one child, see if your kids will do their homework simultaneously. They might motivate and even help each other.
Praise your kids when they complete their homework by saying things like, “You worked so hard! Good job!” rather than “You’re so smart!” Effort-based praise teaches your child that if she tries hard, she will learn things.
Studies show that when parents stay positive while assisting with their child’s homework, kids are more self-motivated and self-directed. That’s the goal: to have your child do her homework because she feels it’s important, not because you’re looking over her shoulder. Your job is to see that homework gets done neatly and provide some support, not to edit your child’s homework or help him do it.
To help kids of all ages study for tests and quizzes, review by asking
them to teach you about the subject they’re studying. If your child can explain it to you, he really knows it.
Recognize your child’s motivation sweet spot. Some people work best 24 to 48 hours before a deadline. Others hunker down a week before something is due. If your child is a last-minute kind of person but you’re not, so be it. Forcing your child to work on an assignment before he’s ready can derail motivation.
Get busy yourself. If your kids have to do 20 minutes of reading daily, grab your ebook yourself and sit down next to them. It’s a nice way to model reading. Keep your child’s teacher posted. Many teachers, especially in
the elementary grades, have a policy about how long the homework they assign should take, such as 15 minutes per night. If your child’s homework drags out much longer than it should, let the teacher know.
You might also consider hiring a tutor if you don’t have the time or energy to help.
Stay a step ahead. Resources, such as the Core Knowledge series can help you track the skills your child needs through elementary school. Knowing what’s down the road can help you build activities into a young child’s day that use the concepts he’ll be learning
about. Counting change at the self-checkout, for example, can help teach addition; so can having your child add up the numbers on mailboxes when you’re out for a walk and penciling out the tip on your dinner tab.
Playing word games can help teach spelling. If you’re worried about penmanship, have your child practice writing your grocery list or a letter to Grandma. And so on.
The idea? By the time the subject is covered in school, your child will already be familiar with it. ❖
Sandra Gordon is an award-winning freelance writer who delivers expert advice and the latest developments in health, nutrition, parenting, and consumer issues. For more about Sandra, visit sandrajgordon.com
Photo by Dennis Bolt
Tween Development
How to Handle Their Emotional Changes
By Cheryl Maguire
When my daughter turned 11, she changed from an agreeable rule-follower into someone who only knew the word “no.” It didn’t matter what I asked her to do, she refused to do any of it. “Do you want a hug?” “No.” “Are you coming out of your bedroom anytime today?” “No.” Just when I thought she would be a grump forever, she sometimes reverted back to her more pleasant self.
According to experts, my daughter’s tween behavior was not at all unusual, and neither was my reaction to it. Swinging emotions like hers are typical for tweens and they’re not always easy to live with. Volatile moods are bound to affect family dynamics, as are any sudden changes. Here’s what experts say is going on with your tween’s emotional development and some advice for how you can successfully navigate through it.
Expected Adolescent Changes in Development. Your tween
will push you away one minute, then pull you in the next. Ken Ginsburg, MD, MSEd, the founding director of The Center for Parent and Teen Communication in Philadelphia and author of “Congrats―You’re Having a Teen!: Strengthen Your Family and Raise a Good Person” says raising a child through their tween years can be challenging.
Ginsburg says tweens pushing away from their parents is a normal stage of adolescent development when kids practice doing things on their own. Still, at this stage, it’s only
practice. Your tween isn’t ready for independence, yet. Ginsburg reminds us that even when your tween is pushing you away, it’s important to remember that “you remain the most important human being in their life, even if they’re not willing to say that out loud.”
Tweens try out personalities like they’re trying on different styles of clothing. Unless you suspect your tween is signaling that something is wrong, don’t worry too much if they want to dress differently from the rest of the family, change their hairstyle, or even act a little strange because, according to experts, experimentation with personality and appearance during the tween years is normal.
Ginsburg says, “This is an age of trying on many different hats to imagine who you might be. And sometimes, it’s about really underscoring how you’re different from the people who are closest to you, including siblings and family members.”
Maria Sanders, a licensed clinical social worker and certified parent coach, says the tween years are when kids typically begin experimenting with identification. “It’s a time of trying on things, figuring out where you belong, and discovering who you really are.”
One day, your tween plays with toys. The next day, they declare toys are for babies. Tweens may also switch between different developmental stages. They might act young one minute, then like an adult the next, which can be confusing to other family members. Sanders
provides this example: “One day your tween is playing with their Barbie dolls with their siblings, and the next minute, they want nothing to do with them.” They may even call their younger sibling a baby for wanting to play with those same Barbies they played with the day before. Tweens don’t consciously flip back and forth from one stage to another; they don’t even know why they switch from wanting to play one day and then all of a sudden not wanting to. “They’re not doing this on purpose,” Sanders says.
Think your tween tells you everything? Guess again. Sanders and Ginsburg both say that at this age tweens begin caring about peer relationships, and then prioritizing them over relationships with their family members. They’ll often start
holding back information from their parents and instead turn to their peers for advice.
If your tween suddenly seems oppositional or isn’t sharing as much information with you, Sanders says it’s important not to take it personally
middle school experience is probably not the same as yours. If you had a difficult time in middle school, you might feel compelled to step in to help fix your tween’s problem so they don’t experience the same kind of discomfort or pain that you went through. But Sanders cautions against going into protective mode. She says it’s important for parents to recognize that their kid’s middle school experience is separate and distinct from the one you had.
and to remember that it’s normal and healthy behavior for your tween to build relationships outside of the nuclear home.
Handling Emotional Changes in Adolescence.
Your child’s
Even if it’s difficult to see our tweens suffer through middle school challenges, we need to remember that those same challenges provide opportunities for our kids to learn and grow. She wants parents to see these difficult moments as opportunities
instead of a struggle, and she recommends that parents stand back to allow their kids to develop coping strategies instead of swooping in to save the day.
If your tween doesn’t want to talk, try giving them space. But also, remind them that they can depend on you. Sanders says tweens are going to tell you, verbally or physically, that they need some space. They might tell you, “I don’t want to talk about it.” They might close their bedroom door. Speaking of closed doors, Sanders uses “knocking on the door” as a metaphor for how to communicate with your tween. She says, “If you fling that door wide open and start grilling them with questions,
they are going to quickly want to shut that door.”
Instead of forcing a conversation, you might try inviting a conversation by starting with a question that “knocks.” Try asking your tween questions, like:
• Do you want to talk about your day?
• Are you able to talk for five minutes?
• Do you need some time alone?
If your tween doesn’t want to have a conversation right now, Sanders says you can try waiting for a time when they’re willing to talk. Or, you can try reframing your question. For example, if your child feels like you’re interrogating them, you can say something like, “I don’t mean to come across that way. How can I
change the way I ask questions so it doesn’t feel like I’m interrogating you?” You might also use other forms of communication, like sharing over text messages.
Tween years can be volatile and confusing and even put a strain on familial relationships. But we can all take heart that this stage is only temporary. Our job as parents is to keep reminding our tweens that we’re not going anywhere. Whether they’re pushing us out of their rooms or closing their doors on us, we’ll continue to be present and by their side to lend support. ❖
A professional member of ASJA, Cheryl Maguire can be found at Bluesky @ CherylMaguire.
SEPT. 27-OCT. 31
Wide variety of pumpkins Inflatable Jumpers Corn-Kernel Pit & Slide Haunted Village Western Village Kids Activities & More Field trips Birthday parties
Live music saturday & sunday 12-4pm
Monday-Thursday: 11am-6pm
Friday-Saturday: 10am-7pm Sunday: 10am-6pm
3795 Adobe Road • Petaluma 707-778-3871
www.pronzinifarms.com/pumpkin-patch
Extra! Extra!
The Benefits of Arts and Sports Activities
By Cherie Gough
The way children spend their extracurricular time is important. Involving kids in the arts and sports offers a much-needed release, social connection, and critical developmental tools. Read on to hear from experts about how the arts and sports help shape kids’ brains.
Art has a calming effect. “Art immerses you in the moment,” says Alyssa Navapanich, California Outstanding Elementary Art Educator of the Year and Lemon Grove AMP (Art, Music, PE) teacher. Navapanich teaches that there are no mistakes in art. She encourages focus on process over product, which takes the pressure off creating perfection.
“I like to build a sense of resiliency into my students,” says Navapanich. “When they feel like they make a ‘mistake’, I encourage them to refocus, see their creation differently and recreate their idea. The picture book
Beautiful Oops by Barney Saltzberg is a great tool for teaching this concept.”
Children’s Physicians Medical Group (CPMG) Pediatrician Dr. Rachel Gianfortune agrees, “Being able to express yourself through any type of art helps kids process emotions and exercises the brain’s muscles in new ways.”
Art connects people. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the emotional well-being of members of the same family is closely related — and parental calm is essential to children in times of crisis. Creating
Creating art and engaging in artistic projects exercises many areas of the brain …
art together is a great way to connect.
Physical activity improves mental health. Many studies have proven that daily physical activity improves mental health by increasing serotonin, one of the brain’s happy chemicals. “Giving kids a break from academics and time away from social media improves mood and helps manage stress,” says Dr. Gianfortune.
Physical activity also helps kids gain more confidence and work through emotions, as it stimulates the brain in different ways.
Beyond team sports:
• Kicking a soccer ball
• Hiking and walking
• Gymnastics
• Dance lessons
• Riding bikes and scooters
• Golf
• Tennis
• Throwing a baseball or softball
• Batting practice
• Scavenger hunts
Music develops young minds. Music is another noteworthy extracurricular activity for kids.
“Music is a powerful learning tool that stimulates brain patterns and memories,” says CPMG Pediatrician Dr. Gina Rosenfeld. If kids are too little for instrumental lessons, Rosenfeld encourages singing to young children to help wire the brain.
Enhancing academic success.
Creating art and engaging in artistic projects exercises many areas of the brain, including critical thinking, problem-solving, and spatial relationships.
“Children who are involved in and exposed to the arts tend to be more creative, expressive, and are often more sure of themselves,” says Dr. Gianfortune. “Those characteristics lend themselves to improved academics and better mental health.”
Music is another noteworthy extracurricular activity for kids.
Kids who participate in sports teams develop grit, which can translate into working harder at academics and improved leadership skills, according to Dr. Gianfortune.
Ideas for creating art:
• Hot Spot Pottery offers classes and private art “parties.”
• Paint along with Bob Ross, a popular art instructor on YouTube.
• Write and illustrate a comic book with a friend.
• Write a story and read aloud in a video to share with friends.
Musical arts:
• Take lessons — voice, choir, instruments.
• Create rhythms with items at home. You can make simple versions of maracas, rainsticks, and drums. Find inspiration on Pinterest.
• Listen to podcasts such as Classics for Kids. ❖
Cherie Gough is a writer and mom of two who loves to celebrate life’s little moments. Find her on IG @ cgoughwrites.
College Prep
Juniors Should Begin Planning Now
Courtesy of The National Association for College Admission Counseling
Thinking about college? Many experts suggest students begin considerations in middle school so that they build the strongest academic portfolio. Plans should definitely be underway as a high school freshmen, in order to select the best coursework and extracurricular involvement, plus prepare for standardized tests and begin researching colleges. Financial considerations are also an important part of the planning process.
Junior year is when university preparations should kick into high gear. The National Association for College Admission Counseling suggests the following timeline for high school juniors as they begin to think of life after high school …
SEPTEMBER-DECEMBER
Talk with your counselor about
the year ahead. Confirm that your courses will put you on the right track for college admission.
Ask about test dates for the PSAT, ACT, and SAT. You’ll need to register up to six weeks ahead of time.
Start developing a résumé — a record of your accomplishments,
Junior year is when university preparations should kick into high gear.
activities, and work experience. This will be an important part of your college application.
If you haven’t participated in many activities outside of class, now is the time to sign up. Consider clubs at school, team sports, leadership roles, or involvement in a religious or civic community group.
Take the PSAT. Taking the test as a junior will qualify you for some scholarship consideration and identify you to colleges as a potential applicant.
Begin to prepare for the ACT or SAT. Plan to take at least one of these tests in the spring. Ask your counselor if you qualify for a fee waiver.
JANUARY-FEBRUARY
Work with your counselor to set your senior schedule. Enroll in the most challenging courses.
Register for a spring SAT and/or ACT. Ask your counselor whether you should also take an SAT Subject Test.
Explore summer opportunities on college campuses — a great way to find out what college life is all about.
MARCH-MAY
Start researching colleges and universities. Go to college fairs and open houses. Learn as much as you can about colleges online.
Begin planning college visits. Try to visit colleges near you over spring break. Include a large, medium size,
Develop a preliminary list of colleges that interest you. Go online to request additional information. Take a look at some college applications. Make note of all the
JUNE-AUGUST
Continue investigating colleges. Schedule campus visits at the schools that interest you. Begin thinking about your applications. Generally, colleges will have their applications online by the beginning of August. Start brainstorming your college essay.
pieces of information you will need to compile. Make a list of teachers, counselors, employers, and other adults who could write letters of recommendation.
Consider lining up a summer job or internship.
10,000 Degrees® supports students from lowincome backgrounds to, through, & beyond college. Get the resources and support you need to achieve your college and career goals.
While it’s never too early to begin thinking about your plans after graduation, it is essential that students begin making more concrete plans by the time they are in eleventh grade. College is not for everyone, but if it is your student’s goal, the sooner preparations begin, the less stressful the process will be. ❖
Learn more at nacacnet.org.
TUITION-FREE, PERSONALIZED LEARNING
Flexible online curriculum with onsite support from credentialed teachers
Field trips, clubs, and social activities
Caring teachers to address individual student needs
team approach to ensuring student success
•
•
•
•
•
•
Becoming Single
Navigating the Road After Divorce
By Cheryl Maguire
It is not uncommon for people going through divorce to worry about the following …
Child concerns: custody and how the divorce will impact the child’s emotional health.
Finances: how money will be divided and how will spousal or child support be determined.
Social life: possible changes in friendships or dating new people.
Mental health: emotional well-being and possible depression or anxiety.
Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Ever After explains that some common emotions people experience are anger, resentment, pain, and guilt.
Experts offer the following recommendations to help you heal …
Get a Handle on Your Emotions. You will need to
If you can afford it, find a counselor who specializes in break-up recovery.
make important rational decisions regarding your finances and, if you have children, their custody. If your emotions are influencing these decisions often that is when people become involved in expensive and contentious legal battles. Woodward Thomas says, “The first thing that you want to do is to find a way to connect with those feelings, and then even use them as fuel for positive change in some ways.”
Take Time to Heal. The first step to healing is to identify your feelings. “You should ask yourself, ‘What am I feeling?’ and then you give the feelings a name. Because
the moment you give the feeling a name, you have it, it does not have you,” Woodward Thomas says.
When you identify one emotion at a time, you start to feel more in your own body. “You become capable of making rational decisions and not just knee-jerk reactive decisions that could then end up hurting you in the long run,” she says.
Find Support. Woodward Thomas recommends asking people that you trust to be supportive. She says that they should be supportive in ways that are positive. “When you’re enrolling your friends to support you, it’s not about villainizing your partner, it’s about helping you grow, and see a positive future on the other side,” she says.
If you can afford it, find a counselor who specializes in break-up recovery. This may include a conventional therapist or a counselor through your church or synagogue but find
The first step to healing is to identify your feelings.
someone who can be an unbiased third party to help you do the work necessary to forgive and move on.
If you are unable to find a counselor, consider looking for an online community like Bonus Families, which offers a place for you to ask questions and get support from other members.
Focus on the Positive. Most people who break-up have experienced some sort of trauma prior to the break-up, whether it is domestic violence, drug addiction, an affair, or simply not getting along and constantly arguing.
Woodward Thomas says that people can view their separation as an opportunity. “I think it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to really wake up out of the trance of your old beliefs,” she says. ❖
Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine , and many other publications. You can find her at Bluesky@CherylMaguire.
September Calendar of Events
Monday 1
Winged Wonders Exhibit. See 20-foot-tall owls, quail, and more, sculpted from natural materials throughout the Garden. Member: free. Non-members: cost included with Museum admission. $8–$15. Ages 4 & under: free. Daily: 10 a.m.–4 p.m. (except Wednesdays: 10 a.m.–8 p.m.) Sonoma Botanical Garden. 12841 Hwy 12, Glen Ellen. sonomabg.org.
Tuesday 2
Early Release Enrichment at Veronda-Falletti Ranch. Provides farm, nature, & art-based experiences. Snacks provided. TK & Kindergarten: Tuesdays & Thursdays, 2–4:30 p.m. K–5th: Wednesdays, Noon–5 p.m. Flexible fee, minimum $25/session. Veronda-Falletti Ranch. 175 W. Sierra Ave., Cotati. Registration required: sandyloam.org
Wednesday 3
FREE Cotati Community Farmers Market Wednesday Concerts. Various bands & entertainment weekly. Food, drinks, and shop local artisan
crafts. Sept. 24 last event for season. Wednesdays. 4:30–7:30 p.m. La Plaza Park. Old Redwood Hwy. & W. Sierra Ave., Cotati. tinyurl.com/4uv3wb2p.
FREE Movie Night at the SRJC. Screening of The Peanut Butter
Falcon. A special collaboration with the SRJC Disability Resource Center and Common Ground Society to watch and discuss this heartwarming film, intended for teens & adults. 5–7 p.m. SR Junior College. InterCultural Center. Pioneer Hall, Room 380. 1501 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. Registration required for headcount: tinyurl.com/yxkfdp7j.
Thursday 4
FREE Annual Rockin’ the River 2025. High Octane Concert Series. Dancin’ in the Street Party. 6–9 p.m. Guerneville Plaza. Old River Rd., Guernville. rockintheriver.net.
Friday 5
FREE Intro to Dance for Teens. Grades 7–12. Beginner-friendly dance class — learn popular partner styles while building confidence, rhythm,
and connection. No partner needed. 4–5 p.m. Cloverdale Library. 401 N. Cloverdale Blvd., Cloverddale. tinyurl. com/2ykyak9h.
FREE Movies in the Park. Sept. 5: A Minecraft Movie. Sept. 12: Mufasa. Bring blanket or low-back chair & picnic. Food/drinks available for purchase. Movie starts: 8 p.m. Pre-movie activities: 6;15-7:45 p.m. Howarth Park. 630 Summerfield Rd., Santa Rosa. tinyurl.com/27t8vvja.
Saturday 6
FREE Annual Car & Motorcycle Show. Classic cars & motorcycles on display. Food & beer available for purchase. 10 a.m.–3 p.m. Cloverdale Blvd. Cloverdale. tinyurl. com/3ckmvnwn
FREE Rialto Cinemas Matinees. Family Matinees held the first Saturday & Sunday of the month. Screening of The Great Muppet Caper. Rated G. Sept. 6–7: 11 a.m. 6868 McKinley St., Sebastopol. rialtocinemas.com.
FREE Guided Tours at Armstrong Woods. Docent-led, learn about the redwoods, people, plants, and animals. Saturdays and Sundays. Starts: 10 a.m. (1-2 hrs.) Armstrong Redwoods. Meet-up picnic tables in the front parking lot. 17000 Armstrong Wood Rd., Guernville. Registration required: tinyurl.com/5n8ds6e9.
FREE Brillamos Juntos – We Shine
Together. Bilingual family-friendly event celebrating Hispanic traditions, stories, and culture. Live music, dance, food, cooking demos, kids’ activities, and a scavenger hunt with prizes. Gates open: 11:30 a.m. Event: noon–4 p.m. Sonoma Clean Power. 741 4th St., Santa Rosa. tinyurl.com/3h7yrx62
Windsor Chili Cook-Off. Live music & chili tasting. $10–$20. Ages 7 and under: free. Noon–4 p.m. Windsor Town Green. 701 McLelland Dr. Windsor. tinyurl.com/2fp8d554.
The Making Of A Peanuts Musical. Hear from the writers, producers, and director. Followed by a Q&A and signing. Cost included with Museum admission. $7–$15. Ages 3 & under: free. Discounts available for qualifying guests. 1–3 p.m. Charles Schulz Museum. 2301 Hardies Ln., Santa Rosa. tinyurl.com/5bxdr4e6.
FREE AV Films Summer Movies. Screening of Baby Driver, Rated R. Concessions & music. Bring blankets or low-back chairs. Gates open: 7:45 p.m. Movie starts at dusk. Cloverdale Airport. 220 Airport Rd., Cloverdale. truewestfilmcenter.org/show/ baby-driver.
Sunday 7
Fern Lake Loop Summer Hike. Moderate 6-mile hike. Hike leader will
share tidbits about Jack’s Lake and Fern Lake. Bring water, snacks. Entry: $10. Parking $10. 9 a.m.–1:30 p.m. Jack London State Park. 2400 London Ranch Rd., Glen Ellen (turn right on Ranch lot). Tickets: tinyurl.com/ msymd98x.
Annual Ride-A-Rig. Kids get to see & touch vehicles that play an important role in the community. $6–$7. Ages 2 & younger: free. Presented by the Junior League of Napa & Sonoma. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. (10 a.m.–1 p.m.: siren-free.) Sonoma County Fairgrounds. 1350 Bennett Valley Rd., Santa Rosa. Tickets: jlns.org
FREE Grandparents Day at the Museum. Grandparents get free admission with a grandchild.
all other visitors: Adults $7–15. Ages 3 & younger: free. Discounts available for qualifying guests. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Charles Schulz Museum. 2301 Hardies Ln., Santa Rosa. schulzmuseum.org/ free-day-grandparents-day.
S.T.E.A.M. Room. Children explore activities & materials that introduce them to the basic principles of science, technology, engineering, art, & math. Hands-on activities led from 1–3 p.m. Sundays & Mondays: 10 a.m.–3 p.m. Children’s Museum of Sonoma County. 1835 W. Steele Ln., Santa Rosa. cmosc.org/calendar
Tuesday 9
FREE Sensory Friendly Afternoon. Exclusive to families of children ages 0–12, with special needs. Hands-on
exhibits, art studio. Safe, accessible environment. Second Tuesday of each month. 2–5 p.m. Children Museum. 1835 W. Steel Ln., Santa Rosa. Pre-registration recommended: tinyurl. com/3x6b6ea7
Wednesday 10
FREE Learn to Ride a Bike. Sonoma County Bicycle Coalition. Petaluma & Santa Rosa. Ages 5-11. Step-by-step guided instruction, how to balance & get rolling. Bring bicycle with training wheels removed & helmet. $10. 9/10: Lucchesi Park, 320 North McDowell Blvd, Petaluma. 9/17: Finley Community Park. 2060 W. College Rd., Santa Rosa. 3:30 p.m.–4:30 p.m. Pre-registration required: tinyurl.com/y7bpzsaf
Thursday 12
Friday Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show. CCPRA rodeo, classic car show, sheep dog trails, entertainment, carnival, country music, dancing. Apple, wine, & hard cider tasting (fee). Entry: $8–$12. Ages 6 & under: free. Unlimited rides: $35–$45. Parking: $8. Special Promotion Sept. 13 (only): ages 12 & under: free. Sept. 12–14. 9 a.m.–midnight. Mendocino County Fairs. 14400 Hwy. 128, Boonville. mendocountyfair.com/county-fair.
Saturday 13
FREE Family Bike Workshops. Learn tips, tricks, & tools for bicycling safely. Children & parents must participate & bring their own bikes & helmets.10 a.m.–12:30 p.m. Santa Rosa French American Charter School. 1350 Sonoma Ave., Santa Rosa. Pre-registration required: tinyurl. com/27a2234u.
FREE Housing and Resource Fair. Meet local housing experts, get resources, join waitlists, and attend a first-time homebuyer workshop. Food trucks and kids’ activities. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Rohnert Park Library. 6250 Lynee Conde Way, Rohnert Park. tinyurl.com/4z3wz28x.
FREE Family Day at the Museum of Sonoma County. Opening of the 29th annual Día de los Muertos exhibition. 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Live birds from the Bird Rescue Center: 11:30 a.m.–12:30 p.m. Workshops: 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Sonoma County Museum. 425 7th St., Santa Rosa. museumsc.org/events.
Petaluma Craft Beer Festival. Over 23 North Bay breweries, bites from local restaurants, live music. Tickets
Movies at the Green Music Center. Sept. 13: Wicked. Sept 20: A Minecraft Movie. Bring blanket or low-back chairs. Food, local wine/beer, and non-alcoholic options sold. Lawn tickets: $6. Kids 12 & younger: free
COAST AIR MUSEUM
WHEELS & WINGS 2025 CAR SHOW
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 20
8AM–2PM
A Day of Cars, Planes & Family Fun
A unique gathering of meticulously restored classic and muscle cars from every era and description. The cars are parked right next to some of the museum’s high performance historic aircraft
Pacific Coast Air Museum, N. Laughlin Road Entrance
www.pacificcoastairmuseum.org
(ticket still required). 5 p.m. Weill Hall. Green Music Center. 1801 East Cotati Ave., Rohnert Park. Tickets: gmc. sonoma.edu/summer-at-the-green-2025
Sunday 14
FREE Second Sundays at Old Courthouse Square. Live music, kids’ activities, adoptable pets on the Cuddle Shuttle, fire engine fun, & more. Last event for the season. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Old Courthouse Square. 600 4th St., Santa Rosa. SRCity.org/ secondsundays.
50 Mark West Springs Rd., Santa Rosa. lutherburbankcenter.org
Tuesday 16
FREE North Bay Job Fair. Hosted by Amaturo Sonoma Media Group. 2–4 p.m. Luther Burbank Center. 50 Mark West Springs Rd., Santa Rosa. sonomamediagroup.com/nbjf
Wednesday 17
FREE Electric Night! Relive the ’90s with your favorite attire, catering by Saucy Mama’s Jook Joint, and participate in creative outfit contest. 6–9 p.m. Sonoma Clean Power. 741 4th St., Santa Rosa. tinyurl.com/ mrx5z54s
Thursday 18
Family Yoga. Family-friendly yoga and mindful games in a fun,
welcoming, low-pressure environment. $10–$15. $5 children. Includes Garden admission. 1:45–2:30 p.m. Sonoma Botanical Garden. 12841 Hwy. 12, Glen Ellen. sonomabg.org/fall-2025.
Friday 19
Pirate Day at the Children’s Museum. Dress your pirate best for swashbuckling fun, a treasure hunt, and pirate crafts for buccaneers of all ages. Members: free. Non-members: $15–$18. 11 months & younge: free. Discounts available for qualifying guests. 9 a.m.–4 p.m. Children’s Museum. 1835 W. Steele Ln., Santa Rosa. tinyurl.com/3cykvsyy
FREE Sandy Loam Family Open Ranch Youth Days. Crafts, games, & activities. Meet animals & enjoy a snack. 3–5:30 p.m. Veronda-Falletti Ranch. 175 W. Sierra Ave., Cotati. Drop-ins welcome. Questions: kbetts@cotaticity.org. Registration recommended: tinyurl.com/33fdnhuf
FREE Forestville Movies in the Park. Screening of The Wild Robot Concession stand opens an hour before the movie begins. Bring your own low-back chairs & blankets. No pets. Movie starts: 7:15 p.m. Baseball Field. Forestville Youth Club. 7045 Mirable Rd., Forestville. forestvilleyouthpark.org
FREE Petaluma Movies in the Park. Screening of Cars. Bring your own low-back chairs & blankets. Food/ drinks sold. Movie begins at dusk. Lucchesi Community Center. 320 N. McDowell Blvd., Petaluma. tinyurl. com/4wu3cn78.
Saturday 20
Wheels & Wing Show. Classic & muscle cars from every era, parked
next to the high-performance historic aircraft. Tickets: $10. Ages 7 & younger: free. All proceeds go directly to the museum. 8a.m.–2 p.m. Charles M. Schulz-Sonoma Airport. 2200 Airport Blvd., Santa Rosa. (Free parking: 3631 & 3645 N. Laughlin, in the lots next to the show site.) tinyurl. com/39hbeas9.
FREE Creek to Coast Clean-up Day. Trash clean-up with a competition & prizes. All ages welcome. 10 a.m.–noon. Olive Park Footbridge 105 Orange St., Santa Rosa. Register: tinyurl.com/2bnvefbz.
Burning Ham. Bacon, beer, & bands family event. Games, music, kids activities. $56. 13 & younger: free. Benefits underprivileged children in Sonoma County. Noon–5
p.m. Pengrove Park. 11800 Main St., Penngrove. Tickets: tinyurl. com/3xmhzpf5.
FREE Graton Day Festival. Music, local artisans, pie contest, and family activities including a Kids Village. Suggested donations of $5-15. Proceeds help rebuild Graton Square.
FREE Grub in the Hub Food Festival & Movies in the Park. Vendor fair/market. At dusk, free movie screening of Ratatouille. Bring blankets/low-back chairs. Food & drinks available for purchase. 3–7 p.m. Movie: 7 p.m. LaPlaza Park, Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati. tinyurl. com/4dh8wjct
Sunday 21
FREE Adaptive Tennis & Lunch. Inclusive tennis event designed for neurodiverse families. Hosted by The Dymphna Foundation and Sonoma Community Tennis. Register: (707) 803-1707, or email: Info@ DymphnaProject.org. 10 a.m.–1 p.m. Hanna Center Tennis Facility. 17000 Arnold Dr., Sonoma. tinyurl. com/52rxdy8s
Tuesday 23
FREE Bingo Night for Neurodivergent Teens and Adults. Connect with others in a welcoming & inclusive environment. Hosted by Considerate Coach & Speechaluma. 5:30–7 p.m. Round Table Pizza. 1003 Guernville Rd., Santa Rosa. commongroundsociety.org/calendar.
Saturday 27
All Hallow’s Art Fest. Halloween art, décor, jewelry, & collectibles. Admission: $5. Ages 12 & younger: free. 9 a.m.–3 p.m. Hermann Sons Hall. 860 Western Ave., Petaluma (enter on Webster Street). halloweenfolkartsociety.com.
FREE Windsor Day Parade and Festival. Parade: 10 a.m. Starts: Windsor High School. Ends: Town Green. Live music, kids activities, food & drink vendors. 11:30 a.m.–2 p.m. Windsor Town Green. 9291 Old Redwood Hwy., Windsor. tinyurl. com/57s8x4fv.
Vintage Festival 5K Fun Run. Fun Run Race starts: 8 a.m. $54. Ages 12 & under: $22. Blessing of the Grapes: 10:30 a.m. Wine Stomp, beer/wine
tasting, food vendors, & kids zone. 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Sonoma Plaza. 453 First St., E., Sonoma. Full schedule/tickets: tinyurl.com/5fwvrt5h
FREE Healdsburg Art Festival. Over 55 artist booths, interactive art, children & youth art, & creativity activities, culinary arts, music, & entertainment. Food & drinks available for purchase. 10 a.m.–7 p.m. Plaza Park. Healdsburg Ave. & Matheson St., Healdsburg. tinyurl. com/2sjr3h23.
Pronzini Pumpkin Patch. Pumpkin picking, hay maze, petting zoo, shaded picnic tables, & more. $5–$7. Ages 12 & under: free on weekdays. Ages 2 & under: free on weekends. Punch card (add’l fee) includes haunted trail, train ride, slides, &
Annual VegFest. Dozens of local & Bay Area vendors with delicious food, animal art, vegan boutiques, sustainable & eco products, free samples, cooking demos, and live music. $10–$15 pp. Ages 12 & under: free. 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Santa Rosa Veterans Memorial Bldg. 1351 Maple Ave., Santa Rosa. Tickets: socovegfest.org.
Cosmos & Cocoa. Led by astronomers, an evening of stargazing, exploration, and treats. All ages welcome. $27.30–$43.06. Includes parking. 7–10 p.m. Robert Ferguson
FREE Sonoma County Farm Trails Fall Tour. Tours, tastings, educational activities. No pets please. Sept. 27–28. Various locations in Sonoma County. For tour directory & maps: farmtrails. org. Tickets: tinyurl.com/nhj6n4ee.
Sunday 28
FREE Annual Antique Faire. Show attracts more than 8,000 collectors. No pets please. 8 a.m.–4 p.m. Kentucky & Fourth Streets, Petaluma. petalumadowntown.com/antique-show.
FREE Storytime Party with the Russian River Sisters. Storytime, singing, dancing, scavenger hunt, & dress-up. Costumes encouraged
but not required (parents, too). Hot dogs & snacks provided. $10 parking. Group larger than 6 children: call (707) 869-9177. ext. 2. 1–3 p.m.
Armstrong Redwoods State Natural Reserves at Smokey’s Den (picnic area). 17000 Armstrong Woods Rd., Guernville. RSVP required for meal count: tinyurl.com/yk8v4rby.
Monday 29
Museum Mondays for Little Ones. Ages 1–5: $10 per child, free for up to 2 adults per child, before 11 a.m. Regular admission applies thereafter: $7–$15. Ages 3 & under: free. Discounts available for qualifying guests. Last Monday of the month. 10 a.m.–noon. Charles Schulz Museum. 2301 Hardies Ln., Santa Rosa. schulzmuseum.org/museum-mondays
GAN ISRAEL PRESCHOOL
WELCOMING 2-YEAR-OLDS
Special
Register by: September 15. We’ll waive the registration fee
All faiths welcome our focus is on Jewish traditions and
in a warm, inclusive
Never miss a moment! Find out
Math Problems
And Other Forms of Mutual Suffering
By Rebecca Hastings
There comes a time in every parent’s life when they’re asked to help with their child’s homework. And while we want to be supportive, what we actually become is a human thesaurus, on-call therapist, and Google detective all rolled into one.
It starts innocently enough. Your child plops their backpack down, pulls out a crumpled worksheet, and says, “Can you help me with this?”
Of course you can. You’re a grown-up. You’ve survived long division. You’ve read Charlotte’s Web. You’ve written full emails using only your thumbs. You are qualified.
Until you’re not.
Somewhere between when you went to school and now, everything changed. Suddenly, a single math problem requires a full-page answer. Reading comprehension involves essays and annotations. And your child is
sobbing because they don’t understand what the teacher meant by “infer how the character feels.”
You want to help. It’s just a more emotional journey than either of you expected.
Stage 1: Confidence. “We’ve got this.” You pull up a chair, read the directions, and nod like you’re on Jeopardy. You’re calm. You’re collected. You even offer to sharpen a pencil. Things are going well.
Stage 2: Confusion. “What do you mean you don’t need a pencil?” Your child explains the problem using phrases like “regrouping strategy” or “text evidence.” Under the table, you are Googling. Quietly. Desperately.
Stage 3: Tension. “It’s fine. We’re fine.” The child feels your struggle and begins to spiral. You both stare at the page like it’s ancient Sanskrit.
Eventually, someone sighs so dramatically it shakes the table.
Stage 4: Bribery. “Finish this and you can have fruit snacks!” You reach deep into your parenting toolbox and pull out the oldest trick in the book: food-based negotiation. It works. For about seven minutes. They’re starting to outsmart you.
Stage 5: Acceptance. “We’re emailing the teacher.” And that’s okay. Because helping doesn’t mean having all the answers; it means sitting beside your child while they struggle, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means saying, “I’m not sure, but let’s figure it out together.” It means letting them see you try, even when you feel like you’re failing.
We want to be the parent who makes homework fun, who prints out flashcards, uses glitter pens, and celebrates each worksheet with high-fives.
But most nights, we’re just trying to get through it without anyone crying. Including us.
The good news? You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up, snack in hand, pencil behind your ear, and heart in the right place.
Someday, your kids will remember that you sat at the kitchen table with them. That you made them laugh when they were frustrated. That you were in it with them. And that, more than any worksheet, is what really sticks. ❖
Rebecca is a published author and former teacher passionate about authenticity, faith, and family. In real life, she can often be found typing words and driving her kids places. Connect with her at RebeccaHastings.net and on Instagram.
