New parenthood and all the expectations that come with it are hard. We’ve got your back this month with seven things that it’s totally OK to let go of during this amazing, yet overwhelming time (page 10). Before you know it, those babies are headed to school and you’ll be wondering how to best help them succeed. Consider these homework helper tips (page 12).
Next up is the tween years, when emotions are high. This edition shares some approaches to developmental management (page 14). One way to channel children’s energy is through extracurricular clubs and activities. Read how these groups can benefit kids (page 18).
And, just like that, the kids aren’t little anymore and are talking about campus tours and college mascots. The National Association for College Admission Counseling offers a month-by-month timeline for maneuvering one’s way through junior year on the road to higher education (page 20).
Beyond caring for the kids, parents sometimes find themselves considering the next step in their marriage. In “Becoming Single” (page 24), the concerns following divorce are addressed and some ways to handle them are offered.
Whatever stage you’re in, we hope this edition offers some advice and encouragement you can use!
Marketing/ Sales/Events
Patricia Ramos
707 586-9562 x1 patty@family-life.us
Features Editor
Angel Jenkins angel@family-life.us
Production Manager
Donna Bogener production@family-life.us
Contributing Writers
Sandra Gordon
Rebecca Hastings
Sarah Lyons
Cheryl Maguire
Cherie Gough
Billing
Crispy Baked Chicken Tenders
Yogurt-Ranch Twist!
Parents rejoice! Kids and adults alike love chicken tenders, so we created a healthier spin on this family favorite that’s simple enough to whip up for a weeknight dinner.
We started with strips of lean chicken breast meat coated in a creamy herb mixture of Clover Sonoma Pasture Raised Organic Whole Milk Plain Yogurt blended with ranch dip mix. Our yogurt helps seal in the juices to keep the chicken moist and tender in the oven.
After we dipped the tenders in yogurt, we rolled them in crispy panko bread crumbs and baked them to crunchy, golden brown perfection! With only four ingredients, this recipe is especially kid-friendly for your little kitchen helpers who want to lend a hand. And just wait ’till you see how fast they fly off the plate! ❖
2. In a medium bowl, whisk w seasoning together until smooth.
3. Reserve 1/2 cup yogurt-ranch mix for dipping, and place in refrigerator.
4. Spread 1/2 box panko breadcrumbs in a separate dish or pan.
5. Dip each chicken tender in the yogurt-ranch mixture (let excess drip off or they will be soggy), then roll each tender in the breadcrumbs. Add additional panko crumbs as needed.
6. Arrange chicken tenders on a baking sheet and bake on the center oven rack for 40 minutes, or until cooked through and light golden brown.
7. Serve warm from the oven with reserved ranch dip, and a fresh green salad or veggies of your choice for a complete healthy meal.
Apple Show and County Fair
The Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show features the CCPRA rodeo, a classic car show, sheep dog trails, entertainment, carnival, country music, and dancing. Also an apple tasting, wine and hard cider tasting. Cost is $8–$12 with ages 6 and younger admitted free. Unlimited rides are $35–$40. Extra fee for parking and tastings. Friday, September 12–Sunday, September 14. 9 a.m.–midnight. Mendocino County Fair. 14400 Hwy. 128, Boonville. For a full schedule of events, visit mendocountyfair.com/county-fair
Redwoods Dancing Gala Returns
The Mendocino Dance Project’s biggest performance of the year, Dance The Redwoods 2025, will be followed by a catered dinner by the Wickson Restaurant, local beer and wine, a silent auction, and a live performance with Barb Murphy Music. This moving show includes a short walk through the property. Three ticket prices are offered. Children under 5 are free. Saturday, September 27. 4–8 p.m. Additional performances are from 2–3 p.m. Saturday, September 20, Sundays, September 21 and 28. The Brambles. 8800 Hwy. 128, Philo. For more information, visit tinyurl.com/4acsta54
Celebrating Kritters and Community
The Kritter Karnival and Community Appreciation Event brings hundreds of guests in support of the Humane Society’s efforts helping save pet lives. Families can enjoy food, games, face painting, jumpy houses, and more. Saturday, September 28. Noon–3 p.m. Humane Society for Inland Mendocino County. 9700 Uva Dr., Redwood Valley. Learn about this and other Humane Society events at tinyurl.com/43tyjhje
Dance The Redwoods
Kritter Karnival and Community Appreciation
The Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show
Pirate-themed Festival Fun
This year’s Noyo Harbor Festival focuses on locally caught sustainable seafood, maritime heritage, and pirates, falling on International Pirate Day. Compete in a sand castle and fishing contest, harbor tours, and a treasure hunt with prizes. Come on down and help us celebrate all things Noyo Harbor. Saturday, September 20–Sunday, September 21. Find the treasure hunt clues or register for the fishing contest in advance at the event website. See the full schedule at noyoharbordistrict.org/ noyo-harbor-festival.
It’s CA Indian Day
Save the date for the 2025 CA Indian Day Celebration. The event features traditional Native American dance groups, craft vendors, food trucks, Indian taco vendors, and more. All ages welcome. Interested in being a vendor? No vendor fee for event. Email marketingassistant@ kvcasino, call (707) 262–1900, ext. 1144, or send a private message to the Facebook Page at KonoctiVistaCasino. Saturday, September 13. 11 a.m.–6 p.m. Konocti Vista Casino and Resort. 2755 Mission Rancheria Rd, Lakeport. tinyurl.com/bjvxp3tv
Recovery Walk for Community Health
Lake County Behavioral Health Services presents its Recovery Walk featuring the walk and banner contest plus speakers and informational booths. Communities, agencies, and individuals are invited to bring banners to the event for judging toward prizes. Guests can win raffle prizes, too, and enjoy family-friendly activities, plus a provided lunch. Interested in hosting a booth? Register here: forms.gle/ wxJkk4M9F4BHsa646. Saturday, September 13. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Library Park. 200 Park St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/42e967a5
CA Indian Day Celebration
Noyo Harbor Festival
Recovery Walk
Let It Go!
Seven Things to Stop Worrying About
By Sarah Lyons
New parenthood is hard. There is always something to be done, someone who needs assistance, and multiple things to worry about. Some worries are valid, but there are some we need to let go …
Personal Expectations.
Before I became a parent, I had high expectations for myself as a mother. I had things I wanted to do and things I declared I would never do. After my first child was born, I quickly realized that I would change my perspective on most pre-child declarations. When parents accept that they are doing the best they can, at that moment, for their kids, they will be able to cross this worry off their list.
Guilt. Do you worry that you don’t spend enough time with your child? Do you feel guilty you were not able to breastfeed? We all have to make
choices and sometimes those choices cause unnecessary guilt. Let go of those feelings and focus on all the things you are doing for your child.
Outward Appearances. A tidy house, a perfectly decorated home, an amazing wardrobe, all organic, home-cooked meals, the perfect marriage, smart children, and a partridge in a pear tree. This is not a realistic, reachable goal.
It is easy to get caught up in what our families look like to others. It does not matter if your children wear perfectly coordinating outfits. Is your child dressed in weather appropriate clothing? Great. Does
it match? It’s your lucky day. Social media puts so much pressure on us to keep up with what we believe others are doing. Embrace the fact that no one is really perfect and nobody’s expecting you to be.
What
Ifs. Parents often worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. What if he gets sick? What if she falls and gets hurt? What if I forget something important? What ifs are not worth the energy they use. Acknowledge
Parents have permission to let go of past mistakes and teach their children to do the same.
they are unnecessary and decide not to waste time on them. Face the problems in front of you rather than worrying about issues that do not exist.
Comparisons. Don’t compare yourself to other parents. Your family is unique. Your circumstances are unique. Do the best you can for your family and forget the rest. Your parenting style for your children will be different from others, but that doesn’t mean it is bad. Another pitfall is comparing your children to their siblings or other children their age. Each child has their own unique personality and will develop at their own rate. If you feel your concerns are valid, consult your child’s doctor for peace of mind.
Mistakes. Every parent makes mistakes and it is easy to spend time worrying about what should
coaster, instead of trying to steer, throw your arms up in the air and enjoy the ride.
Learning to let go of these worries usually leads to feelings of relief. Remembering that each family is unique and each parent handles situations differently, it is easier to relax and enjoy your family more.
Parenthood changes you and while it’s freeing to let go of unnecessary worry, there are some things parents should still hold onto … have been done differently. The past cannot be changed and although not easy to do, we must let go of things we cannot change. We can learn from our mistakes and continue to do our best in the future. Parents have permission to let go of past mistakes and teach their children to do the same.
• Interests and hobbies.
• Your relationship with your significant other.
• Maintaining a healthy diet and exercise routine.
• Friendships.
• Encouragement of others.
Control. I am a recovering control freak. With each child we added to our family, I was worn down a little more. When our triplets arrived, it finally dawned on me that I am not in control. Once I realized (and accepted) this fact, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yes, my husband and I are still in charge of the household, but I cannot control what happens in life. It’s a roller
Embrace the fact that no one is really perfect and nobody’s expecting you to be.
• Who you are outside of your role as parents.
For new and veteran parents alike, learning what to let go of and what to hold onto is hard, but can help you enjoy the moment more so than regretting the past or fretting about what is yet to come. ❖
Sarah Lyons, mother of six, has learned to let go of many things over the years to maintain a happy and functioning household.
Homework Helper
Routines, Tutors, and More
By Sandra Gordon
Homework and headaches go together like macaroni and cheese, especially now that there seems more to do early on. Tutoring is certainly one answer. “A tutor can be helpful if your child needs personalized remedial help because she’s below grade level and the lessons are out of your league,”
says Lisa Jacobson, chief executive of Inspirica, a national tutoring and test-prep firm.
You might also consider hiring a tutor if you don’t have the time or energy to help with homework, it’s a hot button for you and your child or if your child wants to prepare for college-entrance tests. Otherwise, it’s worth putting on your thinking cap and trying to tackle your child’s homework issues yourself. Try these strategies …
To minimize resentment, understand why your child has homework. Homework helps promote children’s physical, social and emotional health and well-being. Research shows that homework is especially beneficial as a review before a unit test. It also helps kids practice concepts they learn in school, develop self-sufficiency and instill the idea that learning is a process that doesn’t end with the dismissal bell.
Kids crave consistency, so make doing homework automatic by creating a routine that fits their personality. Serious students may prefer to do homework right after school. Other kids might need to burn off steam by running around or vegging in front of the TV for 45 minutes before getting down to business. Whatever formula you choose, stick to it.
Choose a homework hub. Some kids work best in their bedrooms. Others like to do their homework in the kitchen while you’re making dinner. Anywhere is fine as long as there are no distractions.
If you have more than one child, see if your kids will do their homework simultaneously. They might motivate and even help each other.
Praise your kids when they complete their homework by saying things like, “You worked so hard! Good job!” rather than “You’re so smart!” Effort-based praise teaches your child that if she tries hard, she will learn things.
Studies show that when parents stay positive while assisting with their child’s homework, kids are more self-motivated and self-directed. That’s the goal: to have your child do her homework because she feels it’s important, not because you’re looking over her shoulder. Your job is to see that homework gets done neatly and provide some support, not to edit your child’s homework or help him do it.
To help kids of all ages study for tests and quizzes, review by asking
them to teach you about the subject they’re studying. If your child can explain it to you, he really knows it.
Recognize your child’s motivation sweet spot. Some people work best 24 to 48 hours before a deadline. Others hunker down a week before something is due. If your child is a last-minute kind of person but you’re not, so be it. Forcing your child to work on an assignment before he’s ready can derail motivation.
Get busy yourself. If your kids have to do 20 minutes of reading daily, grab your ebook yourself and sit down next to them. It’s a nice way to model reading.
Keep your child’s teacher posted. Many teachers, especially in
the elementary grades, have a policy about how long the homework they assign should take, such as 15 minutes per night. If your child’s homework drags out much longer than it should, let the teacher know.
You might also consider hiring a tutor if you don’t have the time or energy to help.
Stay a step ahead. Resources, such as the Core Knowledge series can help you track the skills your child needs through elementary school. Knowing what’s down the road can help you build activities into a young child’s day that use the concepts he’ll be learning
about. Counting change at the self-checkout, for example, can help teach addition; so can having your child add up the numbers on mailboxes when you’re out for a walk and penciling out the tip on your dinner tab.
Playing word games can help teach spelling. If you’re worried about penmanship, have your child practice writing your grocery list or a letter to Grandma. And so on. The idea? By the time the subject is covered in school, your child will already be familiar with it. ❖
Sandra Gordon is an award-winning freelance writer who delivers expert advice and the latest developments in health, nutrition, parenting, and consumer issues. For more about Sandra, visit sandrajgordon.com
Tween Development
How to Handle Their Emotional Changes
By Cheryl Maguire
When my daughter turned 11, she changed from an agreeable rule-follower into someone who only knew the word “no.” It didn’t matter what I asked her to do, she refused to do any of it. “Do you want a hug?” “No.” “Are you coming out of your bedroom anytime today?” “No.” Just when I thought she would be a grump forever, she sometimes reverted back to her more pleasant self.
According to experts, my daughter’s tween behavior was not at all unusual, and neither was my reaction to it. Swinging emotions like hers are typical for tweens and they’re not always easy to live with. Volatile moods are bound to affect family dynamics, as are any sudden changes. Here’s what experts say is going on with your tween’s emotional development and some advice for how you can successfully navigate through it.
Expected Adolescent Changes in Development. Your tween
will push you away one minute, then pull you in the next. Ken Ginsburg, MD, MSEd, the founding director of The Center for Parent and Teen Communication in Philadelphia and author of “Congrats―You’re Having a Teen!: Strengthen Your Family and Raise a Good Person” says raising a child through their tween years can be challenging.
Ginsburg says tweens pushing away from their parents is a normal stage of adolescent development when kids practice doing things on their own. Still, at this stage, it’s only
practice. Your tween isn’t ready for independence, yet. Ginsburg reminds us that even when your tween is pushing you away, it’s important to remember that “you remain the most important human being in their life, even if they’re not willing to say that out loud.”
Tweens try out personalities like they’re trying on different styles of clothing. Unless you suspect your tween is signaling that something is wrong, don’t worry too much if they want to dress differently from the rest of the family, change their hairstyle, or even act a little strange because, according to experts, experimentation with personality and appearance during the tween years is normal.
Ginsburg says, “This is an age of trying on many different hats to imagine who you might be. And sometimes, it’s about really underscoring how you’re different from the people who are closest to you, including siblings and family members.”
Maria Sanders, a licensed clinical social worker and certified parent coach, says the tween years are when kids typically begin experimenting with identification. “It’s a time of trying on things, figuring out where you belong, and discovering who you really are.”
One day, your tween plays with toys. The next day, they declare toys are for babies. Tweens may also switch between different developmental stages. They might act young one minute, then like an adult the next, which can be confusing to other family members. Sanders
provides this example: “One day your tween is playing with their Barbie dolls with their siblings, and the next minute, they want nothing to do with them.” They may even call their younger sibling a baby for wanting to play with those same Barbies they played with the day before. Tweens don’t consciously flip back and forth from one stage to another; they don’t even know why they switch from wanting to play one day and then all of a sudden not wanting to. “They’re not doing this on purpose,” Sanders says.
Think your tween tells you everything? Guess again. Sanders and Ginsburg both say that at this age tweens begin caring about peer relationships, and then prioritizing them over relationships with their family members. They’ll often start
holding back information from their parents and instead turn to their peers for advice.
If your tween suddenly seems oppositional or isn’t sharing as much information with you, Sanders says it’s important not to take it personally and to remember that it’s normal and healthy behavior for your tween to build relationships outside of the nuclear home.
Handling Emotional Changes in Adolescence.
Your child’s
middle school experience is probably not the same as yours. If you had a difficult time in middle school, you might feel compelled to step in to help fix your tween’s problem so they don’t experience the same kind of discomfort or pain that you went through. But Sanders cautions against going into protective mode. She says it’s important for parents to recognize that their kid’s middle school experience is separate and distinct from the one you had.
Even if it’s difficult to see our tweens suffer through middle school challenges, we need to remember that those same challenges provide opportunities for our kids to learn and grow. She wants parents to see these difficult moments as opportunities
instead of a struggle, and she recommends that parents stand back to allow their kids to develop coping strategies instead of swooping in to save the day.
If your tween doesn’t want to talk, try giving them space. But also, remind them that they can depend on you. Sanders says tweens are going to tell you, verbally or physically, that they need some space. They might tell you, “I don’t want to talk about it.” They might close their bedroom door. Speaking of closed doors, Sanders uses “knocking on the door” as a metaphor for how to communicate with your tween. She says, “If you fling that door wide open and start grilling them with questions,
they are going to quickly want to shut that door.”
Instead of forcing a conversation, you might try inviting a conversation by starting with a question that “knocks.” Try asking your tween questions, like:
• Do you want to talk about your day?
• Are you able to talk for five minutes?
• Do you need some time alone?
If your tween doesn’t want to have a conversation right now, Sanders says you can try waiting for a time when they’re willing to talk. Or, you can try reframing your question. For example, if your child feels like you’re interrogating them, you can say something like, “I don’t mean to come across that way. How can I
change the way I ask questions so it doesn’t feel like I’m interrogating you?” You might also use other forms of communication, like sharing over text messages.
Tween years can be volatile and confusing and even put a strain on familial relationships. But we can all take heart that this stage is only temporary. Our job as parents is to keep reminding our tweens that we’re not going anywhere. Whether they’re pushing us out of their rooms or closing their doors on us, we’ll continue to be present and by their side to lend support. ❖
A professional member of ASJA, Cheryl Maguire can be found at Bluesky @ CherylMaguire.
Extra! Extra!
The Benefits of Arts and Sports Activities
By Cherie Gough
The way children spend their extracurricular time is important. Involving kids in the arts and sports offers a much-needed release, social connection, and critical developmental tools. Read on to hear from experts about how the arts and sports help shape kids’ brains.
Art has a calming effect. “Art immerses you in the moment,” says Alyssa Navapanich, California Outstanding Elementary Art Educator of the Year and Lemon Grove AMP (Art, Music, PE) teacher. Navapanich teaches that there are no mistakes in art. She encourages focus on process over product, which takes the pressure off creating perfection.
“I like to build a sense of resiliency into my students,” says Navapanich. “When they feel like they make a ‘mistake’, I encourage them to refocus, see their creation differently and recreate their idea. The picture book
Beautiful Oops by Barney Saltzberg is a great tool for teaching this concept.”
Children’s Physicians Medical Group (CPMG) Pediatrician Dr. Rachel Gianfortune agrees, “Being able to express yourself through any type of art helps kids process emotions and exercises the brain’s muscles in new ways.”
Art connects people. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the emotional well-being of members of the same family is closely related — and parental calm is essential to children in times of crisis. Creating
Creating art and engaging in artistic projects exercises many areas of the brain …
art together is a great way to connect.
Physical activity improves mental health. Many studies have proven that daily physical activity improves mental health by increasing serotonin, one of the brain’s happy chemicals. “Giving kids a break from academics and time away from social media improves mood and helps manage stress,” says Dr. Gianfortune.
Physical activity also helps kids gain more confidence and work through emotions, as it stimulates the brain in different ways.
Beyond team sports:
• Kicking a soccer ball
• Hiking and walking
• Gymnastics
• Dance lessons
• Riding bikes and scooters
• Golf
• Tennis
• Throwing a baseball or softball
• Batting practice
• Scavenger hunts
Music develops young minds.
Music is another noteworthy extracurricular activity for kids.
“Music is a powerful learning tool that stimulates brain patterns and memories,” says CPMG Pediatrician Dr. Gina Rosenfeld. If kids are too little for instrumental lessons, Rosenfeld encourages singing to young children to help wire the brain.
Enhancing academic success.
Creating art and engaging in artistic projects exercises many areas of the brain, including critical thinking, problem-solving, and spatial relationships.
“Children who are involved in and exposed to the arts tend to be more creative, expressive, and are often more sure of themselves,” says Dr. Gianfortune. “Those characteristics lend themselves to improved academics and better mental health.”
Music is another noteworthy extracurricular activity for kids.
Kids who participate in sports teams develop grit, which can translate into working harder at academics and improved leadership skills, according to Dr. Gianfortune.
Ideas for creating art:
• Hot Spot Pottery offers classes and private art “parties.”
• Paint along with Bob Ross, a popular art instructor on YouTube.
• Write and illustrate a comic book with a friend.
• Write a story and read aloud in a video to share with friends.
Musical arts:
• Take lessons — voice, choir, instruments.
• Create rhythms with items at home. You can make simple versions of maracas, rainsticks, and drums. Find inspiration on Pinterest.
• Listen to podcasts such as Classics for Kids. ❖
Cherie Gough is a writer and mom of two who loves to celebrate life’s little moments. Find her on IG @ cgoughwrites.
Mendocino Ballet
Dance Classes
Fall Dance Classes
Mendocino Ballet Dance
Classes
Ballet • Tap Contemporary & Modern Dance
Ballet classes for ages 3 -Adult
Tap/Ballet class for ages 4 -7
Tap classes for ages 7 -Adult
Ballet classes for ages 3 -Adult
Jazz/Contemporary classes
Tap/Ballet class for ages 4 -7
Special Art of Classical Ballet Levels (Ages 8+)
Special intensive classes in August for our Art of Classical Ballet program
Tap classes for ages 7 -Adult
Jazz/Contemporary classes
Classes Start in August
Classes for all ages & levels from 3-adult
For more information call our office at 463 -2290 or email at balletoffice@sbcglobal.net
Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram!
For more information call our office at 463-2290 or email at office@mendocinoballet.org 205 South State St. • Ukiah www.mendocinoballet.org
Special intensive classes in August for our Art of Classical Ballet program
www.mendocinoballet.org
“Where Dreams to Dance Come True!”
“Where Dreams to Dance Come True!”
MendoLakeFamilyLife
For more information call our office at 463 -2290 or email at balletoffice@sbcglobal.net
For more Mendocino Ballet
Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram!
College Prep
Juniors Should Begin Planning Now
Courtesy of The National Association for College Admission Counseling
Thinking about college? Many experts suggest students begin considerations in middle school so that they build the strongest academic portfolio. Plans should definitely be underway as a high school freshmen, in order to select the best coursework and extracurricular involvement, plus prepare for standardized tests and begin researching colleges. Financial considerations are also an important part of the planning process.
Junior year is when university preparations should kick into high gear. The National Association for College Admission Counseling suggests the following timeline for high school juniors as they begin to think of life after high school …
SEPTEMBER-DECEMBER
Talk with your counselor about
the year ahead. Confirm that your courses will put you on the right track for college admission.
Ask about test dates for the PSAT, ACT, and SAT. You’ll need to register up to six weeks ahead of time.
Start developing a résumé — a record of your accomplishments,
Junior year is when university preparations should kick into high gear.
activities, and work experience. This will be an important part of your college application.
If you haven’t participated in many activities outside of class, now is the time to sign up. Consider clubs at school, team sports, leadership roles, or involvement in a religious or civic community group.
Take the PSAT. Taking the test as a junior will qualify you for some scholarship consideration and identify you to colleges as a potential applicant.
Begin to prepare for the ACT or SAT. Plan to take at least one of these tests in the spring. Ask your counselor if you qualify for a fee waiver.
START
Earn
TRANSFER
Transfer
California
Begin
Evening
JANUARY-FEBRUARY
Work with your counselor to set your senior schedule. Enroll in the most challenging courses.
Register for a spring SAT and/or ACT. Ask your counselor whether you should also take an SAT Subject Test.
Explore summer opportunities on college campuses — a great way to find out what college life is all about.
MARCH-MAY
Start researching colleges and universities. Go to college fairs and open houses. Learn as much as you can about colleges online.
Begin planning college visits. Try to visit colleges near you over spring break. Include a large, medium size,
Develop a preliminary list of colleges that interest you. Go online to request additional information. Take a look at some college applications. Make note of all the
JUNE-AUGUST
Continue investigating colleges. Schedule campus visits at the schools that interest you. Begin thinking about your applications. Generally, colleges will have their applications online by the beginning of August. Start brainstorming your college essay.
pieces of information you will need to compile. Make a list of teachers, counselors, employers, and other adults who could write letters of recommendation.
Consider lining up a summer job or internship.
While it’s never too early to begin thinking about your plans after graduation, it is essential that students begin making more concrete plans by the time they are in eleventh grade. College is not for everyone, but if it is your student’s goal, the sooner preparations begin, the less stressful the process will be. ❖
Learn more at nacacnet.org.
Becoming Single
Navigating the Road After Divroce
By Cheryl Maguire
It is not uncommon for people going through divorce to worry about the following …
Child concerns: custody and how the divorce will impact the child’s emotional health.
Finances: how money will be divided and how will spousal or child support be determined.
Social life: possible changes in friendships or dating new people.
Mental health: emotional well-being and possible depression or anxiety.
Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Ever After explains that some common emotions people experience are anger, resentment, pain, and guilt.
Experts offer the following recommendations to help you heal …
Get a Handle on Your Emotions. You will need to
If you can afford it, find a counselor who specializes in break-up recovery.
make important rational decisions regarding your finances and, if you have children, their custody. If your emotions are influencing these decisions often that is when people become involved in expensive and contentious legal battles. Woodward Thomas says, “The first thing that you want to do is to find a way to connect with those feelings, and then even use them as fuel for positive change in some ways.”
Take Time to Heal. The first step to healing is to identify your feelings. “You should ask yourself, ‘What am I feeling?’ and then you give the feelings a name. Because
the moment you give the feeling a name, you have it, it does not have you,” Woodward Thomas says.
When you identify one emotion at a time, you start to feel more in your own body. “You become capable of making rational decisions and not just knee-jerk reactive decisions that could then end up hurting you in the long run,” she says.
Find Support. Woodward Thomas recommends asking people that you trust to be supportive. She says that they should be supportive in ways that are positive. “When you’re enrolling your friends to support you, it’s not about villainizing your partner, it’s about helping you grow, and see a positive future on the other side,” she says.
If you can afford it, find a counselor who specializes in break-up recovery. This may include a conventional therapist or a counselor through your church or synagogue but find
The first step to healing is to identify your feelings.
someone who can be an unbiased third party to help you do the work necessary to forgive and move on.
If you are unable to find a counselor, consider looking for an online community like which offers a place for you to ask questions and get support from other members.
Focus on the Positive. Most people who break-up have experienced some sort of trauma prior to the break-up, whether it is domestic violence, drug addiction, an affair, or simply not getting along and constantly arguing.
Woodward Thomas says that people can view their separation as an opportunity. “I think it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to really wake up out of the trance of your old beliefs,” she says. ❖
Bringing up the topic of child support can be hard. The Mendocino County Child Support Services office is here to help you understand the child support process and file all the paperwork involved. We are a neutral party, and assist both moms and dads!
Providing on-line tools and resources for
Locating the other parent and assets
Obtaining child support orders
Enforcing child support orders
Modifying child support orders
Establish parentage including genetic testing
Enforcing spousal support orders in conjunction with child support
Providing a monthly accounting of what is owed and due
Providing individualized case management/help with navigating the child support and spousal support arena
September Calendar of Events
Summer’s End Celebration
Celebrate the end of summer at the Ukiah Car and Bike Show. Get your cars and motorcycles polished and head to this annual event held in historic downtown. Discover the unique shops, restaurants, and enjoy the small-town charm. This year will also include: swap meet, Lion’s pancake breakfast, food vendors, and local restaurant specials. Music by DJ Bern Man. Limited number of spaces available. Awards presented for top cars and motorcycles. Saturday, September 20. 8 a.m.–2 p.m. Downtown Ukiah. 102 S. School St., Ukiah. tinyurl.com/4j4w8ur2
Monday 1
Blue Wing Blues Festival. Final night of the 18th annual Labor Day weekend festival held at sunset in the garden between the Tallman Hotel and Blue Wing Restaurant in Upper Lake. 5:30–9 p.m. The Blue Wing. 9550 Main St., Upper Lake. Tickets: tallmanhotel.com.
DID YOU KNOW?
Whale Watch Room Gallery Exhibit. “A Candle in the Wind” features photography by Scott Sewell. Also jewelry by Ling-Yen Jones. 5–6 p.m. Point Arena Lighthouse. 45500 Lighthouse Rd., Point Arena. pointarenalighthouse.com
Tuesday 2
Farmer’s Market. Certified seasonal farmers’ market Tuesdays through the end of September. Rain or shine. 10 a.m.–1 p.m. Library Park, 200 Park St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/mrxc2nty
FREE Hiking Moai. This Blue Zones Project is a well-being initiative that focuses on making the community a healthier, happier place. 6–7 p.m. Most Tuesdays. Low Gap Park. 1167 Low Gap Rd., Ukiah. mendocinocounty. bluezonesproject.com/events
Wednesday 3
FREE Teen D&D Game Night. Meet up. Hang out. Crush your friends at game night. 3–5 p.m. Every other Thursday. Willits Branch Library. 390 E. Commercial St., Willits. fortbragglibrary.org.
Ukiah Car and Bike Show
FREE Good Mourning Support Group. Are you struggling with the loss of a loved one and looking for a safe, supportive space to share your feelings? Connect with others who understand what you’re going through. Noon–1:30 p.m. Round Table Pizza. 821 11th St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/ yc4wkkbn.
Thursday 4
FREE Mother-Wise First-Year Friends. Weekly meet-up for mamas with babies under 1 year. Coffee, snacks, play area. Thursdays. 11 a.m.–12:30 p.m. The Living Room. 1901 N. Main St., Lakeport. tinyurl. com/ysupamwh.
Friday Skate Nights@MCRPD. $5 with your own skates & $8 to rent. Fridays. Younger kids: 5–7 p.m. Older kids: 7–9 p.m. All are welcome any time. Old Recreation Center. 213 E. Laurel St., Fort Bragg. mendocoastrec.org/skate-night
First Friday Fling. Stop in to see all the new artists. Enjoy music and wine. 5:30–7 p.m. Main Street Gallery. 325 N. Main St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/ nhfz98aw.
FREE Art Walk Ukiah. Art exhibition of works on canvas and paper by local artist Diza Hope. Live music. Book sale. 5–7 p.m. Ukiah Branch Library. 105 Main St., Ukiah. tinyurl. com/5e7hu2c3.
Saturday 6
Hike at Rodman Preserve. Visitors are welcome to enjoy unguided hikes. Heavy rains can impact the trails, so at times water-proof boots are needed for comfortable walking. 9 a.m.–2 p.m. Rodman Preserve. 6350 Westlake Rd., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/39nd4c93.
Saturday Market. Fresh produce, beautiful crafts, live music, and food options too. Shop for your family, have a picnic, meet your friends, and taste some wine, while enjoying great local music! Saturdays. 10 a.m.–1 p.m. The Mercantile. 4350 Thomas Dr., Lakeport. lakeportmainstreet.com/events.
PACIFIC COAST AIR MUSEUM WHEELS & WINGS 2025 CAR
SHOW
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 20
8AM–2PM
A Day of Cars, Planes & Family Fun
A unique gathering of meticulously restored classic and muscle cars from every era and description. The cars are parked right next to some of the museum’s high performance historic aircraft
Pacific Coast Air Museum, N. Laughlin Road Entrance
www.pacificcoastairmuseum.org
SANTA RO S A SYMPHONY 25
FREE Kelseyville Community Clean-Up. Trashgrabbers, vests, bags, latex gloves provided. 8:30–11 a.m. Kelseyville locations: Pioneer Park. Saderlund & 3rd Streets. Soda Bay Road & Broadmoor Way. Kelseyville Riviera. tinyurl.com/2x3ebd68.
FREE Kids Craft Time. Kids & families! Come and make a fun craft most first and third Saturdays of the month. You bring the enthusiasm; we supply the rest! 11 a.m–noon. Fort Bragg Library. 499 E Laurel St., Fort Bragg. fortbragglibrary.org
Lighthouse Lens Tours at Point Cabrillo. First-come, first-serve, no reservations. $5–$10. Children 42” and taller only. Tours last 15–30 minutes. Held first weekend of each month. Aug. 2–3. 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Point Cabrillo Lighthouse. 45300 Lighthouse Rd., Mendocino. pointcabrillo.org/visit/events.
FREE Spinning and Knitting Circle. All skill levels welcome. Spinning: 1–2 p.m. Knitting: 2–4:30 p.m. Saturdays. Willits Branch Library. 390 E. Commercial St., Willits. mendolibrary. org/events.
(Almost) Full Harvest Moon Night Tour. Docents and guides help you experience what it was like to be a lighthouse keeper and climb the Tower at night. Tickets: $50. Drinks, snacks, and event keepsake included. Gates open: 6 p.m. Tour: 6:30 p.m. Reservations required. tinyurl. com/3p7ybum9.
Sunday 7
FREE Sunday Funday at The Mercantile. Yard games on the lawn. Choose from Giant Jenga, Giant Connect 4, Giant Yahtzee, Darts,
Disc Golf Putter, and Cornhole. On blistery days, board games, cards, and dice inside. Noon–6 p.m. Sundays. 4350 Thomas Dr., Lakeport. lakeportmainstreet.com/events.
Tuesday 9
FREE High Road to China Movie. Donations appreciated. Concessions available for purchase. Doors open at 5:30. Movie: 6–8 p.m. Soper Reese Community Theater. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/rnupauba
Wednesday 10
Unplugged Live Music. Walk, drive, or boat by. Dinner starts at 6 p.m. Music: 6–9 p.m. On The Waterfront. 60 3rd St., Lakeport. Reservations: onthewaterfrontlakeport.com/
FREE Postpartum Planning for Expectant Parents On-line Support Group. All expectant parents (2nd & 3rd trimester) welcome: Moms, birthing people, non-gestational parents, partners, couples, & single parents. 1st & 3rd Wednesday of the month. 4 p.m. Register: tinyurl.com/ yzka8ncs.
Thursday 11
FREE Littles Story Time. Families with children up to age 3. Sing developmentally-appropriate songs, wiggle, and read awesome books while developing early literacy and motor skills. Thursdays. 10:30–11 a.m. Ukiah Branch Library. 105 Main St., Ukiah. tinyurl.com/eds9eukr
Poetry Writing Workshop for Find your inner poet! Second
Thursday of the month. 3–4:30 p.m. Fort Bragg Library. 499 E. Laurel St., Fort Bragg. fortbragglibrary.org.
Second Thursday Writer’s Circle. All levels, genres, and ages welcome. Bring your latest, unpublished work to share. 5–7 p.m. Main Street Gallery. 325 N. Main St., Laekport. tinyurl. com/c5fa3bcp.
Friday 12
Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show. CCPRA rodeo, classic car show, sheep dog trails, entertainment, carnival, music, dancing. Apple tasting, wine & hard cider tasting. $8–$12; Ages 6 & under younger: free. Unlimited rides: $35–$40. Extra fee for parking and tastings. Runs thu Sept. 14. 9 a.m.–midnight. Mendocino County Fairs. 14400 Hwy. 128,
Boonville. mendocountyfair.com/ county-fair
Saturday 13
Recovery Walk. Walk and banner contest, speakers and informational booths, raffle prizes, and lunch provided. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Library Park. 200 Park St., Lakeport. tinyurl. com/42e967a5.
Fall Artist Village Craft Fair. Food and craft vendors plus musical performances. 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Lucerne Harbor Artist Village. 6225 E. Hwy. 20, Lucerne. tinyurl.com/3t8s7zx8
CA Indian Day. Traditional Native American dance groups, craft vendors, food trucks, Indian taco vendors, and more. 11 a.m.–6 p.m. Konocti Vista Casino and Resort. 2755 Mission Rancheria Rd., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/ bjvxp3tv.
FREE Nature Walk. Led by volunteer State Parks docents. Observe wildlife at the park and learn about their natural habitat, as well as the history and geology of the area. Meet: parking lot at 8:15 a.m. to observe birds and wildlife found in the picnic area. Walk: 8:30 a.m., taking between 1½–3 hours. Anderson Marsh State Historic Park. 8400 CA-53, Lower Lake. andersonmarsh.org/events.
StoryWalk. Enjoy a featured story along with a craft led by a State Park employee. Tell them at the gate you are there for StoryWalk and parking is free. 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Clear Lake State Park. 5300 Soda Bay Rd., Kelseyville. tinyurl.com/4frsxmjd
Ben Rosenblum Brazilian Quartet. A journey through samba, bossa, choro, forro, MPB, and a wide variety of Brazilian jazz and Afro-Brazilian
rhythms. Tickets: $21–$28. 7–10 p.m. Soper Reese Community Theater. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/ y2ntt2rn
FREE Movies in the Park. Grab your blankets and lawn chairs for a showing of The Wild Robot. Snacks and drinks available for purchase.
7 p.m. Middletown Square Park. 21249 Washington St., Middletown. middletownareamerchants.com.
Sunday 14
African Dance & Drumming. Lessons in authentic rhythms and dance (according to participants abilities and experience). $20 drop-in. $60/four classes. Drum: 3:30. Dance: 4:30. Lavender Moon & Spa. 127 N. Main St., Lakeport. tinyurl. com/4b2ycs5x
FREE Fiesta de Independencia. Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month with authentic food, music, games. Organized by the Center’s Latino Advisory Council, this family-friendly festival honors Latin American countries that recognize their independence during this month. 1–7 p.m. Al Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, 50 Mark West Springs Rd., Santa Rosa. tinyurl.com/hf4jy5tm.
Wednesday 17
FREE Penny University Coffee Klatch. Discuss various topics while enjoying a “cup of joe.” Topics vary and will be announced ahead of time. 11 a.m.–1 p.m. Willits Branch Library. 390 E Commercial St., Willits. tinyurl. com/8bapmjx4
Thursday 18
FREE Lake County Veterans Stand Down Event. An outreach to Lake
and Mendocino County veterans and active-duty personnel. Free rides provided by Lake Transit. Lunch provided. Hosted by Lake County Vet Connect. 10 a.m.–4 p.m. American Legion Post. 14470 Austin Rd., Clearlake. tinyurl.com/56467ydb.
Friday 19
Hog Farm Celebration. Nightly happy hour, film festival, bingo, kids zone, craft fair, and more. Thru Sept. 21. Black Oak Ranch Streeter Creek Facility. U.S. 101, Laytonville. blackoakranch.com
Saturday 20
Noyo Harbor Festival. Event focuses on locally-caught sustainable seafood, maritime heritage and pirates, falling on International Pirate Day. Sand castle and fishing contest, harbor tours, and a treasure hunt with prizes. Event runs thru Sunday, Sept. 21. See full schedule at noyoharbordistrict.org/ noyo-harbor-festival
FREE Costume Workshop. Kids and teens 8 & up, get ready for Halloween early! Sewing supplies, drawing materials, face paint, and expertise provided, but please bring a costume you’ve already started working on. 2–3:30 p.m. Fort Bragg Branch Library. 499 Laurel St., Fort Bragg. tinyurl. com/2uvp5vae.
Wheels & Wing Show. Classic & muscle cars from every era, parked next to the high-performance historic aircraft. Tickets: $10. Ages 7 & younger: free. All proceeds go directly to the Pacific Coast Air Museum. 8 a.m.–2 p.m. Free parking: 3631 & 3645 N. Laughlin, in the lots next to the show site. pacificcoastairmuseum.org.
Coastal Clean Up Day. Interested in protecting marine life and raising awareness about coastal issues? Join in this 40th annual event. 9 a.m.–noon. Multiple locations around Lakeport. tinyurl.com/mprbhsvp
World’s First Trashure Hunt. Annual statewide event to clean up coasts, lakeshores, and waterways. 9 a.m.–noon. Multiple cleanup sites around Clear Lake including Library Park. 200 Park St., Lakeport. tinyurl. com/yb2yue57.
Sunday 21
Adult/Youth Concert Orchestra. Join the Lake County Adult & Youth Concert Orchestra in this exclusive and joyful performance. Open seating. Tickets: $15 (children 18 and younger plus season ticket holders are free). Doors open: 1:30 p.m. Concert: 2 p.m. Soper Reese Theatre. 275 S. Main. St., Lakeport. soperreesetheatre.com.
iPhone Garden Photography Workshop. Demonstrations and tips toward unlocking the power of iPhone photography. Registration: $80 per participant includes flowers, materials, and Gardens admission for the day Member registration: $70. Class size is limited. 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Mendocino Coast Botanical Gardens. 18220 N. Hwy. 1, Fort Bragg. Register: gardenbythesea.org/ iphone-photography
Tuesday 23
FREE Dead Poets Society Movie. Donations appreciated. Concessions available for purchase. Doors open: 5:30. Movie: 6–8:30 p.m. Soper Reese Community Theater. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. tinyurl.com/bddzz3k5.
Wednesday 24
FREE Parent/Caregiver Support Group. Share experiences, seek advice, and offer support. Hosted by the Family Empowerment Center and Changing Tides San Francisco. Zoom: 9:30–10:30 a.m. and 6–7 p.m. For more information or to RSVP, email FEC@changingtidesfs.org
Thursday 25
FREE Adult Book Club. Last Thursday of the month (except November & December, which is the third Thursday). 3–4 p.m. Email Branch Librarian, Dan Hess, hessd@ mendocinocounty.org to reserve a copy of the book then join for the discussion. Fort Bragg Branch Library. 499 Laurel St., Fort Bragg. tinyurl. com/2s3jadn3.
Friday 26
FREE Getting a Grip: Tools for Distressing Times. Local author, licensed therapist, and educator Jo-ann Rosen will share tools for managing the overwhelm of daily life. 3–4 p.m. Ukiah Branch Library. 105 Main St., Ukiah. tinyurl.com/ptunseck.
Monster Trucks. Admission: $12–$16 (3 and under free). Grandstand opens: 5 p.m. Racing starts: 7 p.m. Also Saturday, Sept. 27. Lakeport Speedway. 401 Martin St., Lakeport. tinyurl. com/345cv3zn.
Fall Fundraiser Fiesta Dinner. Food from Los Gallitos, live auction and raffle, and live entertainment from Symphony of the Redwoods. $150. 5–8 p.m. Caspar Community Center. 15051 Caspar Rd., Caspar. symphonyoftheredwoods.org.
Satuday 27
FREE Kelseyville Pear Festival. Over 100 arts & crafts vendors, antique tractor display, three stages of live music, & pear goodies. Food/ drinks available for purchase. 7 a.m.–4 p.m. Main St., Kelseyville. pearfestival.com.
Dance The Redwoods 2025. This year’s Gala Performance will be followed by a catered dinner by the Wickson Restaurant, local beer and wine, a silent auction, and live music with Barb Murphy Music. 4–8 p.m. Other performances: 2–3 p.m. Sept. 20, 21 and 28. The Brambles. 8800 Hwy. 128, Philo. mendocinodanceproject. org/upcoming.
FREE Neurodiversity Night. Experts speak on a variety of topics. Pizza provided. Bilingual event. 5–7 p.m. Mendo Leap. 2146A S. State St., Ukiah. mendoleap.com/Calendar
Sunday 28
Kritter Karnival and Community Appreciation Event. Food, games, face painting, jumpy houses, and more. Humane Society for Inland Mendocino County. 9700 Uva Dr., Redwood Valley. Learn more: tinyurl. com/43tyjhje
Annual CMAS Adventure Camp. 1st–12th graders. Outdoor hands-on art & sciences activities. Spaces fill up fast. Parent volunteers & students earning community hours welcome. 11:30 a.m.–5 p.m. Clear Lake Campground. 7805 Cache Creek way, Clearlake. (Parking the top of the hill upon entrance.) To volunteer: 707–295–1030 or info@ cmaslakecounty.org. cmaslakecounty. org/adventure-camp.
And Other Forms of Mutual Suffering Math Problems
By Rebecca Hastings
There comes a time in every parent’s life when they’re asked to help with their child’s homework. And while we want to be supportive, what we actually become is a human thesaurus, on-call therapist, and Google detective all rolled into one.
It starts innocently enough. Your child plops their backpack down, pulls out a crumpled worksheet, and says, “Can you help me with this?”
Of course you can. You’re a grown-up. You’ve survived long division. You’ve read Charlotte’s Web. You’ve written full emails using only your thumbs. You are qualified. Until you’re not.
Somewhere between when you went to school and now, everything changed. Suddenly, a single math problem requires a full-page answer. Reading comprehension involves essays and annotations. And your child is
sobbing because they don’t understand what the teacher meant by “infer how the character feels.”
You want to help. It’s just a more emotional journey than either of you expected.
Stage 1: Confidence. “We’ve got this.” You pull up a chair, read the directions, and nod like you’re on Jeopardy. You’re calm. You’re collected. You even offer to sharpen a pencil. Things are going well.
Stage 2: Confusion. “What do you mean you don’t need a pencil?” Your child explains the problem using phrases like “regrouping strategy” or “text evidence.” Under the table, you are Googling. Quietly. Desperately.
Stage 3: Tension. “It’s fine. We’re fine.” The child feels your struggle and begins to spiral. You both stare at the page like it’s ancient Sanskrit.
Eventually, someone sighs so dramatically it shakes the table.
Stage 4: Bribery. “Finish this and you can have fruit snacks!” You reach deep into your parenting toolbox and pull out the oldest trick in the book: food-based negotiation. It works. For about seven minutes. They’re starting to outsmart you.
Stage 5: Acceptance. “We’re emailing the teacher.” And that’s okay. Because helping doesn’t mean having all the answers; it means sitting beside your child while they struggle, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means saying, “I’m not sure, but let’s figure it out together.” It means letting them see you try, even when you feel like you’re failing.
We want to be the parent who makes homework fun, who prints out flashcards, uses glitter pens, and celebrates each worksheet with high-fives.
But most nights, we’re just trying to get through it without anyone crying. Including us.
The good news? You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up, snack in hand, pencil behind your ear, and heart in the right place.
Someday, your kids will remember that you sat at the kitchen table with them. That you made them laugh when they were frustrated. That you were in it with them. And that, more than any worksheet, is what really sticks. ❖
Rebecca is a published author and former teacher passionate about authenticity, faith, and family. In real life, she can often be found typing words and driving her kids places. Connect with her at RebeccaHastings.net and on Instagram.
