Relatives‑ Life’s Very Large Surprise By Tony Cherette In 2020, we see and read much in the news about relatives in various forms, from articles talking about how families had to shelter-in-place to postponed weddings, graduation, and celebrations. It seems the one common denominator in those stories is the idea of “family.” First, let’s start with a loose definition of “relative.” It is one who is connected to another, either through marriage or blood. As far as “family,” it generally is known as a group of descendants or children and parents in a household. While there are differences in the definitions, it seems to come down to principals who interact with one another. I think we can agree to expand that definition outwards a touch to strike a more accurate note on who is and who isn’t a “relative.” Think for a moment when you were a younger person, and a holiday would come around, imbu‑ ing in you a sense of excitement to see your favor‑ ite aunt or uncle. Or trepidation. How would you mentally prepare a few things to ask that favorite person or play out in your mind a conversation you either wanted to finish or start anew with them? Having a favorite “relative” or being the “favorite” relative is a rite-of-passage in many social groups. Speaking of a rite of passage, let’s drop into a dis‑ cussion of “family-by-choice.” Many have heard of the life-saving as a well innovative concept of “family-by-choice” as well as established that particular network in their own lives. I seem to resonate with the definition of this concept as being people we feel akin to whom we prefer to spend time, energy, money, and love on and with. Elective “relatives” or “family” if you will.
Star Nations Magazine • May 2020 • 38
Stop a moment and think of people whom you would like to see more often, deepen relationships with as well as simply share a laugh with. Write a quick list of those names and permit yourself to email them within a week. You may want to see them at your next holiday gathering or celebration and, more importantly, give them a higher priority in your life. Speaking of those types of gatherings, I know it can be stressful for some folks to think of their blood relatives/families as not all folks have kind, caring, rational, or simply enjoyable folks in their group. For those of you who don’t like or love their relatives, the idea of picking a new group is a goal worth your consideration.
Can I swing wide for a moment and talk with regard to how “relatives” are seen in Native American and Indigenous culture? The terms “relative” and “relation” can be uti‑ lized interchangeably or individually in many tribal groups and generally indicate a clan membership, an adopted relation, a birth relation, or someone who is thought of in kindly terms with no genetic connection. Each tribe generally has extensive histories with clan relationships, and I mention this as it can impact much socially within a tribe. It influences marriages, gatherings, types of ceremonies as
