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PRINTING &

COPYING Up to A0

01234 766819 Also mailmerge, packing & mailing ASKEW MAILING SERVICES LTD

sales@mailinghouse.co.uk

Hi everybody! We hope you had a lovely Christmas and a very Happy New Year to everyone. A massive welcome as always to this edition of your Fuddler which we very much hope you will enjoy. There’s lots of fun and nonsense inside plus those all important

messages from our advertisers. Please do look carefully through as you know what we always say ‘Whatever you are looking for you’ll find it in The Fuddler’! If you decide that you too would like to advertise with us - all our contact details are on page four of each issue.

THAI CHILLI RESTAURANT

Tel: 01525 406910 Dine in or takeaway

FIXED PRICE AERIAL INSTALLATIONS

DROVERSARMS.EU Fine Indian dining

T VA ASE NO RE C IN

Tel: 01525 715 697 Dine in or takeaway WHITEHARTAMPTHILL.CO.UK

Tel: 01525 406863

See our ad on page 26

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x40 Yrs experience xFully Insured xSpecial Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

NEED A LOCKSMITH? Please turn to our ad on page 2

Plus - All your plumbing needs

D & G SHORT

ARAGON WINDOWS

Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: mail@SharmanLaw.co.uk Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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With Winter now here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


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A full range of original and compatible ink cartridges and toners Paper, Envelopes, Pens, Binders etc All at Competitive Prices

FIND US AT Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road Flitwick Bedfordshire MK45 1BE (Behind the Shell Garage)

tel: 01525 633336 www.businesspoint.uk.com 3D Youth Theatre presents...

THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE At Parkside Hall, Ampthill Friday 11th February 7.00 pm Saturday12th February 2.00 pm & 7.00 pm Sunday 13th February 2.00 pm Tickets £6.00 adults, £5.00 concessions Family Ticket (2 Adults and 2 Children) £18.00

Box Office:

07551 892503 www.3dyt.org (See their ad on page 26)

Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ

Telephone 01525 402959 Workshops & Clubs available - please come in for details We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more! DMC Silks, Jewellery, beads and findings. Stockists of wool - Robin, Bretts, XMAS Peter Pan & Wendy.

JOIN OUR CRAFT CLUB

10% Discount on all purchases. Free tea/coffee voucher for restaurant. Monthly newsletter £12.00 per year

Friday 11th February sees a ‘Pamper Night’ to be held at Flitwick Lower School Hall. The event, which is to help raise funds for the school, starts at 7.00 pm and entrance is just £4.00. ‘Come and be pampered and shop till you drop: Reiki, Indian Head Massage, Reflexology, Body Massage, Thai foot massage, manicures, pedicures (simply pay the therapist on the night for your chosen treatment/s); Vie at home, Jamie at home, cards, jewellery, crafts, candles, Ann Summers, Body Shop. Free drink and nibbles.’ For tickets please contact Debbie on 07752 390 829 Saturday 29th January sees a charity event run by Central Ambulance Training Service (CATS) in aid of Anthony Nolan, a bone marrow donor charity. The event is to be held at 108 Highfield House, The Hawthorns, High Street, Flitwick and is to draw to people’s attention the need to join the register and become a possible donor. Where previously a blood sample was needed, the donation procedure now requires only a swab of saliva. For more information please contact David Manners on 01525 713 133 who will be more than happy to hear from you.

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery? Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

STOCK 1/2 PRICE!

Excitement is mounting in Ampthill as the new cinema experience The Zonita opens its doors for the first time on Saturday January 22nd at Parkside Hall. To recreate an old fashioned cinema experience the show features Ushering people with torches to guide you to your seats, popcorn for sale and maybe even an ice cream in the interval! There is also a fully licensed bar. There is to be a matinee performance at 2.00 pm on the day followed by a ‘Red Carpet Opening’ for the evening show at 7.00 pm. Find all the details in their ad on page 9 of this issue.


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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

There was I , again holding court in a local hostelry, and I said to Duster and Check-ItOut that I think I must be losing my remaining marbles. Not only did I concur with myself that I still don’t know what I am talking about, but on January 2nd I asked when establishments stopped serving Christmas luncheons. I don’t know what Nanny would say.

Ciao

A BRIANISM

I waited until the VAT went up on petrol to fill up, so I didn’t have to mix with the riff-raff.

Do your feet need some TLC? Home visits to treat corns, verrucas, hard skin, bunions etc. Please phone: Michael Cooke, Foothealth Professional 01234 300188 or 07881 820788

Across: 1 Bison, 4 Errors, 9 Sporule, 10 Motor, 11 Lieu, 12 Rundown, 13 Bay, 14 Apse, 16 Tern, 18 Ace, 20 Cheroot, 21 Fawn, 24 Iliad, 25 Amiable, 26 Tyrant, 27 Fleet

Down: 1 Bustle, 2 Stove, 3 Nous, 5 Ruminate, 6 Outdoor, 7 Strand, 8 Berry, 13 Beholden, 15 Premier, 17 Schist, 18 Atlas, 19 Intent, 22 Amble, 23 Tiff And a Happy New Year to all

Nik Martin GHSC Registered Counsellor & Hypnotherapist Phobias, anxiety, stress, depression, addictions, confidence, relationship and sleep problems

Evening & Saturday appointments available

Call 01908 760475 www.nik-martin.co.uk

Don’t be caught out by increased gas, oil and electric prices... Install a Solid Fuel Stove and save money on your heating bills

Visit our showroom. Over 70 modern and traditional fireplaces and stoves on display.

1, Woburn Street, Ampthill, Beds

Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on


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“Plus. Our Gift To You ... We’ll Pay The VAT Increase!”

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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MATTHEW UNDERWOOD PLUMBING & HEATING

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Based in Flitwick x x x x

ALL PLUMBING WORK UNDERTAKEN BATHROOM INSTALLATION / REPAIR CENTRAL HEATING INSTALLATION / REPAIR POWER FLUSHING

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

PLEASE CALL: 07768 962770 email: info@mattunderwoodplumbing.co.uk Website: www.mattunderwoodplumbing.co.uk

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057 Here’s Marjorie’s first crossword of the year! Thanks again.

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Across: 1 Speak at length (5) 4 Disgrace (5) 10 Calendar (7) 11 Slightly colour (5) 12 Animal disease (5) 13 Illicit (7) 15 Title (4) 17 Furious (5) 19 Call off (5) 22 Jaunt (5) 25 No Tuner anag. (7) 27 French Sculptor (5) 29 Aplomb (5) 30 Foretell (7) 31 Chisel edge (5) 32 Small lizard (5)

Down: 2 Manor anag. (5) 3 Line touching circle (7) 5 Large inn (5) 6 Supervisor (7) 7 Clement (5) 8 Open weave fabric (5) 9 Stomach (5) 14 Govern (4) 16 Relating to aircraft (4) 18 Bring together again (7) 20 Raging (7) 21 Wading bird (5) 23 Clumsy (5) 24 Small biting flies (5) 26 Female ruff (5) 28 Condescend (5) I

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Sandra received a new big book (dictionary?) at Christmas so she’s found lots more words for us! See whether or not this one jumps put at you. (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

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BOB AMBLER HOME DESIGNS

*Landscaping *Fencing

*Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: enquiries@abbuildingandgroundworks.co.uk

01525 405393 ans. phone Mobile: 07889 058345

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Geniality

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways

Carpentry Kitchens - Bedrooms Home Offices - Bathrooms Replacement Kitchen Doors Worktops and Built in Appliances A complete design, supply and installation service


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New and used Scooters, part ex welcome. Wheelchairs, Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails, Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing & much more. For more information call us or visit our website at www.comforthomecare.co.uk

WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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Safety Continuity PAT Testing Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons AGES 6 to 60 For further information contact

Guy on 07811 364 328

Call Paul for a down to earth quote Email: paulholland36@yahoo.co.uk Tel: 01525 716 936 Mob: 07931 935120

January 11th With Hayley - D.I.

Happy Birthday to ‘Bootsie’ Love from all of us!

Meerkat has had a premonition ... nothing very logical at all, which is of course understandable ... however a remote possibility? How about this for a prediction ... "with this recent bout of a very annoying snow session and dangerous icy conditions for the second year running, both Central and Local Governments will wake up to the fact that this can't go on each year. Surprise, surprise! Steps will be taken... machinery will be

purchased ... contingency plans put into place...all at great expense and then .... wait for it ..... nothing major will take place on the snow scene for the next 30 years and by the time it does again, steps, machinery and contingency plans will be obsolete" ... is that what they call 'the magic circle?' ... never mind, Bendictus will be back in the spring as from March to hopefully warm the cockles of the heart and continue his adventures ... HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone....

Right - you've had it now! Someone’s whizzed the Fez! If you don’t bring it back there will be serious trouble!

‘I fink I’ll bet on the Wabbit next time I go dog racing - it came first every race’

Happy New Year. It’s time to ...

BOTOX YOUR HOUSE!

Before …

… And after

Give your house an extension and boost it’s value! Give Stuart Palmer a call fod limited, CHARTERED ARCHITECTS, 21 DUNSTABLE STREET, AMPTHILL MK45 2NJ

T: 01525 406117 Email: fodltd@hotmail.com Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com! TICKETS AVAILABLE ON THE DOOR £4.50

TICKETS AVAILABLE ON THE DOOR ADULTS £4.50 CHILDREN UNDER 12 £2.50

On Saturday 22nd January at 7pm, The Zonita will open it’s doors with a screening of The Shawshank Redemption.

Opening night at The Zonita, Parkside Ampthill. Saturday Jan 22nd at 7.00pm With a fully licensed bar, and snack kiosk, the Ampthill Communty Cinema brings back the golden days of cinema.

Visit: zonita.co.uk or facebook.com/zonitaampthill For info contact: zonita@virginmedia.com

With a fully licensed bar, and snack kiosk, the Ampthill Communty Cinema brings back the golden days of cinema.

On Saturday 22nd January at 2pm, The Zonita will open it’s doors with a screening of Toy Story III.

Matinee Show The Zonita, Parkside Ampthill. Saturday Jan 22nd at 2.00pm

Visit: zonita.co.uk or facebook.com/zonitaampthill For info contact: zonita@virginmedia.com

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ANTIQUES TO SELL?

AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485 Mobile 07977 605987

Talk to Elfyn at Town Hall Antiques. Established in 1993 we are always looking to buy, from single items to whole collections. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day

email: chris1nigel@yahoo.co.uk

Tel: 01525 290950 email: elfyn@townhallantiques.co.uk

Happy Birthday Stuart for the 5th February With Jimmy The Voice

Over Christmas JTV has been building even more impossible things! ...

Could you build it? We’ve tried and can’t! Never mind, as we go into the new year perhaps they’ll get easier!

By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why is it no matter how much news there is, it always 'just' fills the newspaper ? 2) Why has being quick or prompt got anything to do with a ball ? 3) Has anyone ever had the double barrelled name, Wright Burke ? 4) How safe is a house ? 5) If a job centre worker gets made redundant, do they go to the job centre to find a job ? Julio’s Top Tip: Make people think you've had a new boy racer exhaust system fitted by attaching a small bucket beneath the rear bumper of your car and drive around with all the windows open constantly blowing raspberries !! HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY TO FLUFFY!! - (We fink!)

Coal

Logs

A man who owns one watch is always sure of the time. However a man who owns two watches is never quite sure.

17th January

Happy Birthday Yogi

Love Shortround xx

Gas

Compton Gas & Garden Centre

Winter Pansies & Shrubs now available

Tel: 01582 599480 Compton Avenue, Luton Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

x Open 7 days x Free delivery


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85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282 www.thefirsatridgmont.co.uk

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS! Bed & Breakfast from only £25.00 pppn

CONTRACTORS WELCOME Why not call in for one of our

FAMOUS ALL DAY BREAKFASTS?

Plus … Teas, coffees, sandwiches, rolls and a large selection of home cooked meals at £5.00 or less! Eat in or take away

Babs decided to leave it the last minute to send her Christmas cards. She knew that she had 49 people on her Christmas card list so she popped into the shop and bought a bargain box of 50 cards without really looking at them. Still rushing she signed and addressed the 49 cards and popped them in the post. On Christmas Day when things had quietened down somewhat, she happened to come across the one leftover card and finally read the message she had sent to her 49 friends. ‘This little card is just to say, Your Christmas gift is on the way’ Sensibly, Babs now realised that all her mates were expecting a gift from her.

Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares xAll makes & designs available x24 Hour repair service xNo call out charge xAll work guaranteed xFree quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

Your hair is your most important accessory. In a pinch, you could do without your shoes, your handbag, your eye shadow - but without your hair, in that important first impression you'd score a Bad Beauty Impact. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? My friend’s husband is so silly he went looking for dehydrated water. For the thin look, buy clothes two sizes too large. For the glamorous look, choose plain-looking dining companions. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may become necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. When you say ‘I love you’ - don’t expect your cat to respond. Hope you remembered to smash one light bulb on the Christmas lights when you took them down - now you’ll know which one isn’t working next year.

1. In what year was ‘Auld Lang Syne’ written? 2. Who presented ‘Blue Peter’ from 1987 - 92? 3. When was the battle of Crete? 4. Where would you find a ‘Fendahl’? 5. W h a t d i d t h e r e t a i l e r ‘Hepworth’s’ change their name to? 6. In what year were socks invented? 7. I f y o u s u f f e r f r o m ‘Chionophobia’ - what do you fear? 8. What is an ‘Alewife’? 9. In which state in the USA would you find a town called ‘Between’? 10.What is the collective term for Pheasants? 1 1788, 2 Yvette Fielding, 3 1941WWII, 4 Dr Who, 5 Next, 6 800BC, 7 Snow, 8 Fish, 9 Georgia, 10 Nye

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE

Fields of Cabbages Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

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Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@jrobb65.fsnet.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

A Bedfordshire Tale by Maureen Kerr ‘The 1940s were years of war and austerity. This 400 page book is my grass roots glance at that era. The old house, with its Well and bucket lavatory, has gone, replaced by a modern home. The fields now buried under concrete, bricks and tarmac. A vanished life.’

Price £12.50 inc p&p direct from publisher M. Kerr at the new address: 16 St Serf's Road, Crook of Devon, Kinross KY13 0PQ

Tel: 01577 840369 email: maureenkerr@AOL.com also available on-line from Amazon and other bookstores

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk Open Monday - Thursday 11 am - 2 pm & 5 pm - 11 pm OPEN ALL DAY FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY!

CHOICE OF REAL ALES with a regular guest ale

WATCH ALL LIVE SPORTS EVENTS IN HD ON UK SKY SPORTS / ESPN

25th January

LUTON v GRIMSBY Sunday January 30th

QUIZ NIGHT Cash Prizes!

Great value Quality Food served Monday to Friday 12.00 - 2.00

CANCER (June 22-July 23) Things appear to be a bit more positive for you now we have started the new year. Could it be because you have made an important decision?

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) The travel bug has certainly got you. Whether it is a holiday or a longer term travel plan is unclear. Keep your toothbrush handy.

LEO (July 24-August 23) As we look at the planetary alignments we see that there could be a major upheaval coming soon. Is there travel involved?

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) As we head off into the unknown this year, it may be a good time to sort out a tricky financial situation which has possibly been worrying you.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) The romantic side of you keeps showing itself. Perhaps there is a new reason to be wearing your heart on your sleeve.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) With all the festivities now behind you, it seems that you could be planning a major change. Possibly to do with work.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) There seems to be a change occurring soon in your life. Perhaps a different aspect of your working situation. Could there be a new opportunity?

ARIES (March 21-April 20) It will soon be time to make a decision which could have far reaching consequences. Don’t let your heart rule your head.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) Now that we have started the new year, with the new moon in its ascendancy soon, that could mean a whole new look at your love life.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) Now could be a terrific time to surge ahead with your new project. Stick to your guns and do not be put off by the doubters.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) To follow your thoughts and gut instinct is probably the best way to handle the approaching situation. If it seems to good to true - then it will be.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) You are clearly making some rather exciting long term travel plans, perhaps for later in the year. Be careful to think it all through.

T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

www.timbutlinbuilders.co.uk

For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering. Tel: 01525 405670 / Mob: 07778 680393

Also offering:

Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating. With female finesse to make the most of your home Tel 01234 751282 or 01525 405670 / Mob: 07944 710179

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


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The staff at Martins would like to wish you all a Happy New Year, Now 2011 is finally here. I’ve put on so much weight from all the food and chocolate I have ate, But you have to eat it before its use by date. But never fear Martins are here. With all their slimming/dieting mags promoting good health, All out on display, all on one shelf. But there are some things that we cannot do, And that’s to predict the weather for you (who can ha ha). But to save you going out in the cold and the snow, We can deliver your papers did you know. With all our paperboys wrapped up warm and ready to go, And they still deliver to Maulden, do you know. So come to Martins don’t delay, so we can set you up an account, and get your papers on their way. Come rain or snow or sun shine, You will get your papers delivered on time. Valentine’s Day is on its way, 14th of February is the day. All the cards have just come in, To forget a loved one would be a sin. As Easter will also soon be here We have crème eggs and Easter bunny’s on sale, we cheer, And don’t forget we have a lot of products, for just a pound Including milk, the best price we’ve found. Happy New Year to you all Martins Newsagent, 17 Church Street, Ampthill 01525 404314

Formula One Scooters BRAND NEW 6 SPEED WATER COOLED 2 STROKE SUPERMOTO NOW IN STOCK 50cc Age 16 + (These are very fast) WE NOW HAVE A FULLY EQUIPPED WORKSHOP AND CAN SERVICE AND REPAIR ANY MAKE OF SCOOTER 50 CC TO 125 CC

With the price of car-parking, tax and petrol, the ideal vehicle for commuting is a scooter; a years’ tax on a scooter is only £15. Very cheap to insure. At Most rail stations parking for a scooter is free (£6.20 a day for a car), coupled by the fact that you can actually park. The other obvious advantage is that you can get circa 100 miles to a gallon. You can ride a 50 cc at age 16, or if you have a full car licence, just twist and go, no test or ‘L’ plates required. (Providing licence obtained prior to February 2001) Spring is fast approaching so why don’t you treat yourself to a brand new 60 plate Scooter FROM AS LITTLE AS £699.00 BRAND NEW, TAXED REGISTERED AND ON THE ROAD.

F1 Scooters Unit D, Station Road Business Park, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2QY (Immediately behind Eckart)

0845 313 8400 Ɣ 07961 775420 www.f1scooters.co.uk When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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Ampthill Open Gardens (as part of the 2011 Ampthill Festival)

A MESSAGE FOR ALL AMPTHILL GARDENERS We are looking for gardeners who would be willing to participate in AMPTHILL OPEN GARDENS as part of the 2011 Ampthill Festival. Thirteen gardens opened to the public last year for the first time and over 300 people took the opportunity to visit a variety of gardens. We are proposing to repeat the event this year and are anxious to include new gardens. Your garden doesn’t have to be big, beautiful or immaculate, just interesting! The odd weed gives character, after all! It can be any shape or size with any style of planting. The proposed opening day is Sunday 26 June and the only stipulation is that you are a resident of Ampthill. If you are interested and would like more details, please contact Angie Murdoch on 01525 403076 (mobile 07736 452131) or email to angie.murdoch@virgin.com

Happy Birthday Lynooh for 21st January Love David, Luke & Matthew

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

A very Happy Birthday to Tam for the 23rd!!


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DISCONTINUED OUTERWEAR Example: Carhartt EC026 Coat Midnight Blue WAS £165,

DISCONTINUED OUTERWEAR Example:JOBMAN RAIN JACKET WAS £66

DISCONTINUED OUTERWEAR Example:JOBMAN QUILTED BOMBER JACKET RRP £126 WAS £96

NOW £50

NOW £33

NOW £50

VERY LIMITED STOCK

MED & XL SIZES LEFT

LIMITED STOCK LEVELS PLENTY OF XL

EVEN MORE GREAT DEALS IN STORE HURRY TO GET A BARGAIN WITH OUR END OF LINES AT SILLY PRICES ALSO SOME GREAT DEALS ON WINTER ESSENTIALS

15% off SELECTED WINTER SHIRTS 10% off SELECTED WINTER HATS

10% off ALL SOCKS AND UNDERWEAR

10% off ALL SEELAND & HARKILA

15% off SELECTED WINTER COATS

FREE SHOOTERS MITTS (While Stocks Last) WHEN YOU BUY THE

JACK PYKE HUNTER JACKET AND TROUSERS SUIT HOCKLIFFE. LU7 9LS TEL 01525 211488 BARBERS OPEN TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS Terms of Clearance Event: Only one gift with purchase /discount type per deal allowed When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!


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Gladys is pleased with me as I bought the cat a new collar and lead for its walks and Gladys treated me to a bottle of malt! Just as well as I had been to the library before the holiday and picked up a book entitled ‘The Whole Truth’ by David Baldacci. Ensconced in the wing back on Boxing Day, I read the fly which described the book thus ‘This terrifying global thriller delivers all the twists, turns, emotional drama, unforgettable characters and can’t-put-it-down pacing that Baldacci fans expect - and still goes beyond anything

Congratulations to Jenna and Richard on the birth of Harry on December 24th

From all of us

he’s written before.’ Wow, thought I as I poured a small (ish) measure, and started to read. Mystery characters, arms dealers, and as the NY Times says - ‘The plot’s many planted bombs explode unpredictably.’ This was a thundering good read - couldn’t put it down if you like a fast paced thriller you will enjoy Baldacci. I shall be trotting along to see the nice ladies in the library to see if they have any more! Oh! By the by - not a bad drop of malt either! HF

Congratulations to Sam and Jonny on the birth of Tylar on December 23rd

Love Wally

4XHVW+ROLGD\V ,QWHUQHW3ULFHV3HUVRQDO6HUYLFH )XOO\3URWHFWHG7UDYHO 3DUWRIWKH([SORUHU7UDYHO*URXSZHSURYLGHDFRPSUHKHQVLYH UDQJHRIWUDYHOVHUYLFHVLQFOXGLQJKROLGD\VIOLJKWVKRWHOVFDU KLUHDLUSRUWSDUNLQJDQGDLUSRUWORXQJHERRNLQJV  :HDOVRVSHFLDOLVHLQFUXLVHVDQGWDLORUPDGHKROLGD\VDVZHOO DVRIIHULQJDFRPSUHKHQVLYHUDQJHRIVNLLQJKROLGD\V  :HSURYLGHDQLQGHSHQGHQWDQGLPSDUWLDOVHUYLFHWDLORUHGWR \RXULQGLYLGXDOQHHGV  &DOOXVRQ

ZZZTXHVWKROLGD\VFRXN Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


Page 17

Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association

With Archie Fairweather Not being a genius in the culinary department, I had promised to cook a meal for Mrs F., and was a bit stuck as to what to prepare. My old mate Henry suggested I try one of Mr Ingle’s steak and kidney puddings, so off I trot to Ingles butchers in Ampthill and purchased one of same. As it was already cooked it was only a matter of steaming the pudding whilst the veg was cooking and then ... the moment of truth! Mrs F. and myself sat down to a truly stupendous meal - the pudding taking me back to those that my Nan had made all those years ago! That’s all one can really say - these puddings are totally excellent! Do try one, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed! Ingles Butchers are in Bedford Street Ampthill Tel: 01525 402175

Spotted by an eagle eyed reader who very kindly sent it in: ‘Would the person who took the step ladder away yesterday please bring it back, or further steps will be taken.’ Thanks again for that one. (Please let us know if you spot an unusual sign!)

True stories from the files of our crime correspondent

Two armed robbers burst into a bank and shouted ‘No -one move or I’ll shoot!’ All the staff and customers obediently stood absolutely still. One robber moved towards the counter to collect the cash and his nervous partner shot him.

Tuesday 25th January

BURNS NIGHT CELEBRATION! Bring on the Haggis! Daniel is creating his own traditional Burns Night supper on the day with Haggis, Neeps and all the rest, (though there won’t be bagpipes!) plus he will also be offering his own delicious creation ‘Haggis Lasagne’ made with a rich whisky cream sauce! Places are limited so book your place early! Richard is joining in the fun by promising not to wear a kilt but by offering a wide range of fine malt whiskies to sample and enjoy! If you wish to attend in fancy dress or perhaps address the assembled company by reading a poem or two - you will be very welcome! Richard, Daniel and the team look forward to welcoming you.

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GiftȱVouchersȱavailableȱ ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

SUNDAY ROASTS The astounding demand for professional chef Daniel’s Sunday Roasts continues into the New Year! We have to recommend that you pre-book your table well in advance!

REAL ALES Up to 8 real ales now available!

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Page 18

DOG WALKING ‡'DLO\ZDONVRIIRUW\ILYHPLQXWHV ‡'DLO\ZHHNO\RURFFDVLRQDOO\ ‡6DIHVHJUHJDWHGWUDQVSRUWDWLRQ ‡2IIOHDGZDONVZKHUHSRVVLEOH ‡0D[RIIRXUGRJVSHUZDONHU Excellent socialisation for your dog, peace of mind for you!

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Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a hearty, economical winter recipe that a reader would like to share with us: CHEESE, BACON AND VEGETABLE BAKE For four people you will need: 1 Cauliflower, 1 Broccoli, 1 Leek, 4 Carrots, New potatoes (optional) 6 rasher streaky bacon/pack of lardons to chop up. 2 Packets of cheese sauce mix 1 pint of milk Cheddar cheese to grate And of course a little something to slurp. Firstly thoroughly wash the vegetables. Prepare the cauliflower and broccoli, peel the carrots, wash and

chop up the potatoes and chop the leek. Put a large saucepan of water on to boil - chuck in all the veg and simmer. Heat a little oil in the pan and fry the leek and chopped bacon/lardons until cooked. When the veg is cooked transfer to an oven proof dish and add the bacon. Make the cheese sauce mix according to instructions and add to dish. Grate some cheese and add to top, pop in the oven until cheese is golden brown. Serve with chunks of warm French bread. (Also, we understand, absolutely delicious served with sausages!) And thanks for that one!

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Birthday greetings to Mrs Miggins for 2nd January!

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Page 19

Some of you may remember the Millennium Video produced at the turn of the Century. Over 500 VHS copies of the Highlights were sold at cost. Technology has moved on since then with DVDs and Internet Downloads replacing VHS. So a decade later the Millennium Highlights content is now available to view from the Internet. Local residents John Day and Howard Martin, working together, have now got the content to the ATV website where it can be accessed from :- www.ampthill.tv

With James Shue Here’s a handy exercise that I came across to start on that all important road to fitness and well being. The exercise is designed to develop muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. As it seemed quite simple I thought I should pass it on. Stand on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room around you. With a 2lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms outwards from your

body and hold them there for as long as you can. Ideally try for a full minute. Repeat the exercise daily and you should find that you can hold the position a little longer. After a week or so move up to a 5 lb potato bag and then later even a 25 lb potato bag. Try each time to hold the bags for a full minute. Once you are feeling confident and comfortable try putting a potato in each bag.

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Centrally located in a beautiful setting and with three championship courses of quite distinct character, Woburn Golf Club is an unrivalled golfing venue. The club is part of the Bedford Estate that includes Woburn Abbey, Woburn Safari Park and the Inn at Woburn.

SEASONAL POSITIONS We are now looking to recruit additional members of staff to join our dynamic team who are dedicated to providing an exceptional customer experience. The opportunities that we have are for four Golf Service Assistants and eight Course Marshalls. Golf Services Assistants are responsible for providing excellent meet and greet, advice on the purchase of retail merchandise to customers and the processing of green fees. Course Marshalls maintain the speed of play on all three golf courses and provide guest support for any on course enquiries. You will be required initially between March 1st and October 31st or during periods of peak business - weekends, school holidays and bank holidays. If you have enthusiasm, are passionate about customer service and take pride in your work you may be just the right person to join our dedicated team.

Please visit www.discoverwoburn.co.uk/vacancies to find out more and to apply. The closing date for all applications is 27th January 2011 Please keep the 10th February 2011 free for interview.

Make the Discovery

JamesȱandȱLouiseȱwishȱ everyoneȱaȱhappyȱandȱ healthyȱ2011ȱandȱlookȱ forwardȱtoȱseeingȱyouȱsoon.ȱ ȱ

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Page 20

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WINGY PAT! Happy Birthday for 28th January

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ARTHUR FOR 13th JANUARY

Where’s your copy - again?!

Happy Birthday Eddie for 10th January

With Geoffrey THE Golfer A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking scruff who asked him for money for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted five pounds and asked, ‘If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?’ ‘No,’ said the scruff ‘I stopped drinking years ago.’ ‘Will you use it to gamble?’ ‘I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive.’ ‘Will you spend the money

Ampthill (01525) 402475

on greens fees at a golf course?’ ‘Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!’ The man said, ‘Well, I'm not going to give you five pounds. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.’ The scruff was astounded. ‘Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.’ The man replied, ‘That's OK. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf.’ GTG

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Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook Continuation of ...

ROCKET’S GRAND TOUR ON A BMW MOTORCYCLE (copied from his daily journal)

Day 2 19 Oct 2010 th

Woke up realising I have lost 1hr with French timemust have a shower, as it could be the last for a while! Forgot how nice a shower is, must install one when I get home. Just looked out of the window and it’s quite gloomy, probably means it’s warmer. Checked out of hotel at 8-25am, French time. Having trouble getting fuel,

took side road to Dijon, not M5, passed 4 garages with no fuel, then found an Intermarche auto pump with super unleaded - no diesel at all anywhere. Checked oil as well, going to carry on the back road towards Dijon. Now on the N71 to Dijon. Beautiful scenery, went through a village called Nor –sur- Seine and there is a “Willys” jeep and a half track (half car & half tank) on either side of a War memorial. Stopped in a lay by to let a taxi past, which has been hassling me for a while- some things never change from country to country! It was very wet and windy

on top of the road, 534 miles. I am now down into Dijon. Just had a sandwich and some kebab flavoured crisps. Now heading for Grenoble in the Alps. Stopped for fuel at 14-33pm at the foot of the Alps, now only a few miles from Grenoble. 16-45 stopped halfway up the Alps, absolutely breathtaking scenery. Now travelled 760miles on some lovely roads. Must soon start thinking about looking for somewhere to stay the night. After going cross country across the Alps, I looked in my book and finally found the main road again I was just going to write about how good the brakes

are on this bike, when they overheated and seized on, due to the very steep inclines. This road was defiantly worth finding! Got into Corps La Salette where a man was just putting up diversion signs, which by chance directed me to a lovely hotel with a big Motor Cycle friendly sign up. 17-30pm and 786 miles later booked into hotel. After having a look at the hotel restaurant decided against eating there as it would have cost me very nearly as much as the room! Smuggled some comte cheese into my room which I had bought with my kebab flavoured crisps, so to bed. To be continued ....

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Snow Joke Brrrrrr, what’s all this cold white wet stuff everywhere? I got up one morning to discover that outside was covered in a blanket of snow. No rodents or birds to predate and not even a trespassing neighbourhood cat to intimidate. When I did venture off it was quite tricky as I could not determine the depth of the snow, in some places it was deeper than I was. It was also very cold on my paws. I spent a few minutes wandering around in a white wilderness and eventually found somewhere reasonably suitable to do my business before returning to my little white chair underneath my hatchway. It had a large covering of snow on and my male human had not bothered to clear it away for me. I had to sit on the bricks that had not been affected by the snow and needed to negotiate the cat flap door by stepping gingerly along the arm of my chair to get in and out. I did ask the big hairy one a few times if he

would clear my chair for me but he just grinned and petted me. For the duration of the weather conditions outside I decided to make the most of a comfortable sofa and blanket on my humans bed upstairs, just going outside to do the essentials. I did discover with considerable interest that this ‘snow’ was a good indicator for intruders, as it left their individual trail behind. I spent some time following these trails in the hope they would lead me to an interesting discovery, alas they either disappeared without trace of the individual responsible for the tracks or they got too complicated to follow, and it was easier to go back and sit on top of my bookcase in the comfort and warm of the house. As I write my journal it has got considerably warmer and the snow has started to disappear, the birds have reappeared and so has the black tomcat from next door and it will not be long before it is business as usual in the garden. O

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Page 23

SKIP and HELEN welcome you to the Yes, it’s time for the abject annual silliness again! The end of January sees the 7th Annual Columnists Awards Luncheon which once again promises to be a truly glittering occasion and is to be held at a secret location. If you would like to join in the nonsense you are cordially invited to make your nominations from the categories below!! (Or, if you like, you could always invent a category!) Please email us at martin@thefuddler.com with your nominations. 1. Best factual report. 2. Best newcomer 3. Most incomprehensible writing 4. Best direction 5. Most forgettable report of 2010 6. Your favourite character 7. Best use of colour 8. Silliest style of writing

9. Best screenplay 10. B e s t musical arrangement 11. Best use of very big words indeed. 12. B e s t artistic interpretation 13. Most believable report 14. Most adventurous report of 2010

Happy Birthday Oliver for 3rd January Love Mum and Dad

Happy Birthday Sebastian for 28th January Love Mum and Dad

...

another year older in Arthur’s World Can’t write my column this month (Yikes - I may not be up for an award!) - too busy kissing another year goodbye! Hopefully see you next month!

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Page 24

OSTEOPATH Help for painful musculoskeletal conditions Ĺ&#x20AC; Back

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Tel: 01525 405759 The clinic is in Ampthill town centre, and you are most welcome to contact me for further advice about osteopathy, and whether it could help you. www.osteo-pathway.co.uk 1 Kings Arms Yard (off Church St) Ampthill MK45 2PJ

USE ONLY THE FRESHEST HERBS 1971 Sicily Marine archaeology Expedition.

During my stay in western Sicily as a diver, p h o t o g r a p h e r , conservationist, (actually there were better divers and photographers and I did very little conservation, just developing and printing pictures)â&#x20AC;Ś anyway, while I was in Sicily working as a something I recall that we all shared several jobs and one was the purchase of food and the cooking of that food for the rest of the team. Every now and then, when it was my turn, (I had a car!), I used to go to the market in



Marsala (home of the wine of that name by Pellegrinoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s) and get fish or meat and vegetables; the market was just inside the grand city gate called Porto Garibaldi. This was near where Garibaldi landed in Sicily at the start of his quest to unify Italy! I have been back to this market twice, 2008 and June 2009 and the market is unchanged, there is a supermarket nearby that sells the best parmesan cheese I have ever tasted We were there again in October 2010 and the supermarket is gone. The picture to the left is my â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jims take away fish kebabâ&#x20AC;? (back in 71â&#x20AC;&#x2122;) the fuel was dead

prickly pear cactus (great) and the fish were probably mullet, I spent a whole morning fashioning a BBQ grid from old concrete reinforcement wire but the result was a bit of a failure, The fish were fresh and good but tasted slightly bitter for some reason. In retrospect, I cannot remember if I gutted and cleaned them. Hey ho. I was still smiling afterwards, not sure about the others. One of our team noticed that a bush near our camp was a culinary herb that had become invested with snails. The theory was that after they had ingested all the nutrients of the bush, they would stay for a while and relax while they digested their meal and deal with the

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Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

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final products, ( defecate ). At this point we should gather the snails before they fell off the now denuded bush and cook them. I took no part in this plan save for gathering the snails , there were hundreds and they had to be boiled in a large pot and then our cook, with a couple of helpers, picked the protein from the shells and placed the result in a pot of tomatoes to be served over spaghetti.. The result was superb! I would love to know what the herb was but it was possibly oregano!

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Page 25

With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Hello and a Happy New Year. Well done to Julia and everybody else who correctly answered my December poser. Yes, you were right - Steppingley Village Hall! To start off the New Year, I would like to show you this photograph of a magnificent building locally which Algi and I found whilst out cycling. But do you know where it is?

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Page 26

Here we bring you some New Year whimsy from the world of Montgolfier:

You must have heard the song ‘Won’t you come home Bill Bailey.’ Well I’m pleased to tell you that he eventually got back at half past seven last night. In the song ‘Don’t sit under the apple tree’ the lyric goes thus: ‘Don’t sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me till I come marching home.’ Does that mean that you can sit there with anyone? In another song a line goes thus: ‘I’m getting ready for love.’ Does that mean they are taking their hat and coat off? Yet another one has the line ‘Making early morning noises.’ Does that mean mowing the front lawn before the neighbours are up? From a three year old: ‘Grandma, we have lots of crackers but we mustn't crack any until Christmas.’ Did you know that golf is the only game where you can drink and drive? I went on a 1½ year cruise on a warship. Ai the end of the trip it was worked out that we did 9 YARDS TO THE GALLON - just 27 feet. So I wouldn’t advise you to buy one. A Robin Reliant would be cheaper to run. (P.S. You must have helped pay for the warship & fuel.) Greetings to all for the New Year

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Happy Birthday to Dara for the 20th January


Page 27

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Episode 25: French Lessons (part 2) Joie de Vivre

We left our intrepid hero somewhere in Brittany with a young fourteen year old girl called Francoise instead of the young chap I was supposed to be paired off with. The parents were initially surprised at the union but by the time we had reached the family farm they seemed to be pretty laid back about it. Francoise was the only child and there seemed to be a lack of similar aged individuals for her to interact with. Supper was a whole new experience

for me. At home my only previous encounter with French cuisine was the odd omelette and baguettes’, the thought of eating snails and frogs legs was never far from my mind. There was a large bowl of salad, which I later found out was called a peasant salad, a plate of large juicy tomatoes with fresh herbs and a Dijon mustard sauce and fresh bread. Over the next couple of days I probably had some of the nicest food I had ever consumed. My first proper encounter with seafood probably paved the way for my current liking of eating fish and mussels etc, my

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only previous experience of shellfish was salmon and shrimp past sandwiches and the odd prawn cocktail as a starter in a restaurant, not the most inspiring reference. Local mussels cooked with apple and a shallot sauce and whiting lightly cooked with braised cabbage were two of the meals I especially liked and have tried to replicate since. The other local produce I enjoyed, possibly too much, was the local cider. French families seemed to be more liberal with their alcohol when it comes to letting their children enjoy a glass or two with dinner. The whole experience of dining went on for ages and

seemed far more enjoyable, perhaps the cider had something to do with it too. Back home, no sooner had I finished I asked permission to leave the table, but here children were encouraged to participate and share in the whole experience. With Francoise able to translate her parents questions and concern for my participation in the family interaction as well as my replies, my own questions and to reassure them that I was completely happy. To be continued ... As always the characters and places in this story are real and any resemblance to reality is purely intentional.

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Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com


The Fuddler January 2011