From The Ashes After Postnatal Depletion A life story by LEONIE LAUKKANEN
I HAVE ALWAYS FELT A HIGHER POWER, A MYSTICAL CONNECTION TO AN INVISIBLE WORLD. WHEN MY HUSBAND TOLD ME, HE WOULD GIFT ME A SON ON THE NIGHT OF OUR WEDDING, I LAUGHED IT OFF. I WAS FORTY-ONE AT THE TIME, AND ALREADY HAD MY BEAUTIFUL BABES, LUNA (5) FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND LAEL (11) FROM A FORMER MARRIAGE.
y business was thriving, I had just won my fourth business award and spoken at a wellness conference alongside Mia Freedman. I had an epic vision for my service as a spiritual leader. We are powerful magnetic beings, and we are constantly creating our reality with our feelings, thoughts, and words. We manifest what we do want and want we don’t want. Every feeling we have sends a spark of energy out to the Universe and we are encoding our reality in each moment. I teach women how to use divine guidance from our heart’s intelligence, to consciously cocreate our life with the Universe. Our intuition resides in our hearts. It is our feeling state, our vibration that creates our external world. Our life path is not our life plan. On our honeymoon, my intuition told me that I was pregnant, and as you know, a mother’s intuition is always right. I was delighted, but also in emotional turmoil. Having three kids was one of my deepest fears. I only have 2 hands, how was I going to 42
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keep them all safe? How was I going to run my business? How was I going to cope? I felt terrible guilt for not wanting him, and shame for these feelings when many women struggle to conceive beyond the age of forty. Being pregnant again was physically and emotionally intense. I was at the time studying with the Institute of Intuitive Intelligence, running my business, and parenting 2 kids without any support with my husband working long hours. When Lael was diagnosed with ADHD, this left me feeling like a failure as a mum. I developed shingles, a sign that my fear of not coping was taking over. I knew this child would be another teacher for me, choosing me to uncover another layer of unmet fear. He was born naturally without drugs after an intense 1.5-hour labour. He flew out of me as I was standing up. I roared like a wild woman, my husband caught him, and Lael named him: Phoenix And then the challenges began. Phoenix had a tongue tie which we had lasered twice, and breastfeeding