Misc.11.30.23

The Miscellany News

miscellanynews.org

Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866 Volume 160 | Issue 11

November 30, 2023

Students celebrate 18th annual Kaleidoscope kickoff Emma Brown Guest Reporter

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assar’s Office of International Services (OIS) and the Vassar International Students Association’s (VISA) annual Kaleidoscope event kicked off Wednesday, Nov. 15, celebrating the College’s cultural diversity in a week of food, activities and education.

“Kaleidoscope culminated from ongoing conversations [in 2005] between our office and the Vassar International Students Association,” said Director of International Services Andrew Meade in a written correspondence. “We agreed we wanted there to be multiple, overlapping elements so that people would be presented with many lenses through which to view culture.”

Eighteen years after the event’s creation, Kaleidoscope continues to provide international students with the opportunity to honor their respective cultures and share their experiences with the student body over the course of the week of celebration.

“The purpose of this event is to celebrate all of our different cultures,” OIS intern Dina Sara Custo ’27 said. “When we are together, it makes us better and stronger as humans.”

Because the OIS and VISA host seven events over the course of eight days in November, the groups begin preparation for Kaleidoscope in mid-October, starting with the organization of various artistic, athletic and intellectual competitions.

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Jesse Koblin Arts Editor

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lthough I cannot remember my first interaction with “Peanuts,” it was probably watching 1965’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas” on TV. The opaque whimsy of the holiday special’s first scene, synchronized skating over a frozen lake set to the choral version of the Vince Guaraldi Trio’s gentle “Christmas Time Is Here,” remains emblazoned on my mind’s eye. Motes of pearlescent snow falling, the cast tracing figure-eights in graceful sweeping glides, set to the thistly fuzz of the soundtrack’s brushes over snare and the melancholy croon of “Olden times and ancient rhymes/ Of love and dreams to share”—it is hard to separate the haze of nostalgic memory from the legitimate beauty of the scene.

The “Peanuts” holiday specials are an indelible cultural touchstone firmly embedded in my mind, a core element of growing up with TV and public broadcasting. “Peanuts” are a form of early indoctrination— child-friendly and yet reckoning with modern societal ennui’s adulteration of childlike joy. We can grow up with “Peanuts” in a way few other media relics permit, and the contrast of tender sentimentalism and acrid critique in the holiday specials grows more potent as we grow up and yearn for the simplistic beauty of holidays past. We can attri-

Prior to the flag ceremony, students were treated to a buffet of food from different cultures prepared by local Poughkeepsie restaurants. From sesame chicken to pita bread, students filled up their plates in the

College Center before heading to the Villard Room to enjoy the ceremony.

To kick off the event, students from 36 countries participated in the flag ceremony, during which they proudly debuted

their country’s banner, many wearing traditional clothing from their cultures. After sharing an interesting fact about their nation, students announced, “May peace preSee KALEIDOSCOPE on page 3

Image courtesy of OIS.

‘Peanuts’

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bute the perennial beauty of “Peanuts” specials to three visionaries—namely, “Peanuts” comic strip creator and one-person industry Charles Schulz, who, according to the Charles M. Schulz Museum, continuously ran the strip from 1950 to 2000 and created 17,897 individual comics, spawning the characters, themes and tone. As significant to the “Peanuts” specials were animation titan Bill Melendez, whose direction and production across the specials gave them a high benchmark for passion and consistency, and master empath and jazz composer Vince Guaraldi, whose playful, tender compositions provide the specials with their cozy atmospheric and emotional core.

The degree to which we let “Peanuts” impact our adult lives varies. Personally, “Peanuts” has followed me throughout my life; every holiday is paired with a household viewing of that holiday’s “Peanuts” special, memories of the day transposed onto Charlie Brown, Snoopy and the gang’s misadventures. Yet, there has been a lurking dread within this practice—the cognitive dissonance that, despite my love for this media franchise and its myriad iterations, I have been neglecting the more obscure and unloved specials condemned to live in a Best Buy bargain bin. Over this small break, I both revisited my childhood through enjoying beloved “Peanuts” specials and broadened my horizons by exploring the

specials Rugby reaches national semis

untended specials released after the iconic holiday season crop (1965’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” 1966’s “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” and 1973’s “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”). Here are my findings from a deep dive into the “Peanuts” holiday specials, presented as a ranked list from worst to best. Listicle time!

9. “It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown” (1992) Hopping back on the (well-worn) Christmas hobby horse and attempting to replicate the 1965 special’s cultural singularity, “It’s Christmastime Again” falls short of the ephemeral warmth of its Christmas predecessor. The special showcases elements fans recognize, regurgitated in a jumbled, plodding and saccharine pastiche. There is an aching hole in the soundtrack where Guaraldi’s light touch once graced the specials.

Nonetheless, authentic “Peanuts” charm peeks out in small moments of genuine levity, humor and heart under the amalgamated gristle of franchise DNA. Good grief.

8. “It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown!” (1974) This special rehashes the theme of holiday commercialism done better by earlier specials and takes several detours with pleasant but pointless gags between Snoopy See PEANUTS on page 5

Nick Villamil Sports Editor

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his Saturday, Vassar’s celebrated women’s rugby team will meet the U.S. Coast Guard Academy in the Final Four of the National Collegiate Rugby Fall Championship in Houston, marking the program’s eighth appearance in 10 years since the championship was created.

After yet another winning season, the Brewers earned their third consecutive Final Four appearance—and a chance at a third consecutive national championship— with a 38-10 victory over Temple University.

Still, the Brewers say they are not satisfied. A third straight championship in a year when they began playing even more competitive competition would solidify their dynasty.

“The pressure is definitely on,” Lauren Showalter ’24, a senior on the team, told The Miscellany News. “We are playing more teams than we ever have, and other programs have recovered from Covid. We want to show that we win because we are a good program, not because of special circumstances.”

Of course, there is no question that Vas See RUGBY on page 14

Inside this issue

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ARTS

Inspired by NPR’s Tiny Desk, Vassar orgs are reviving Vassar’s own music showcase.

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Features Editor Kai Speirs expounds upon the architectural importance FEATURES of Vassar’s Art Library.

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HUMOR

It’s “a pirate’s life” here at Vassar as the administration undergoes a school-wide pirate-ification.

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THE MISCELLANY NEWS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR CONTRIBUTING EDITOR SENIOR EDITOR NEWS EDITORS

Jacques Abou-Rizk William Sorge Monika Sweeney Sashinka Poor Sarah McNeil Jyotsna Naidu Emma Adams ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR Allen Hale ARTS EDITORS Jesse Koblin Kai Speirs FEATURES EDITOR Carina Cole ASSISTANT FEATURES EDITORS Luke Jenkins Sufana Noorwez OPINIONS EDITOR Nicholas Tillinghast HUMOR EDITOR Nick Villamil SPORTS EDITOR Tracy Cen SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Olivia Kahn ASST. SOCIAL MEDIA EDITORS Richard Lu Igor Martiniouk PHOTO EDITOR Nandini Likki DESIGN EDITOR Molly Delahunty ASSISTANT DESIGN EDITOR Caris Lee COPY EDITORS Julia Weinberg Anabel Lee ASSISTANT COPY EDITOR Sandro Lorenzo GRAPHICS EDITORS Karen Mogami Tori Kim ASSISTANT GRAPHICS EDITOR Sadie Keesbury CROSSWORD EDITOR Catherine Borthwick LIVE EVENTS CHAIR Kai Chang WEBMASTERS Michael Yang Britt Andrade REPORTERS, COLUMNISTS Cassandra Brook Henry France Yaksha Gummadapu Anna Kozloski Emma Lawrence Gwen Ma Benjamin Savel Oliver Stewart Josie Wenner Andrew Chu CARTOONISTS Ian Watanabe Kathryn Carvel COPY STAFF Grace Finke Willa Jewitt Allison Lowe Claire Miller Ailynn O’Neill Emma Sandrew Emma San Filippo Edward Welch Morgan

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. Staff editorials are the only articles that reflect the opinion of a two-thirds majority of the Editorial Board.

Image courtesy of Natalie Sang ’27.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

November 30, 2023

NEWS

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Week-long festival hosts international food, talent Continued from KALEIDOSCOPE on page 1 -vail on Earth” to the audience in their country’s native language.

“International students come from different countries and this is where our differences become our uniquenesses,” Jane Xu ’26 said. “That is very valuable. That is why this event is called the ‘Kaleidoscope.’

We’re seeing different magnificent pictures through one lens.”

During the ceremony, pictures taken

by Vassar students that were entered into the Kaleidoscope photography competition were projected on the wall, depicting scenes from a variety of countries and cultures. The OIS and VISA gather judges for

the contest’s two categories, “people and culture” and “landscape,” and then allow students to vote at the event on the best image during the “people’s choice” category.

After students debuted their flags, the World’s Got Talent event began, during which more than 50 students performed for an audience over the course of 10 acts, exhibiting their artistic abilities through song, dance and more. Through multiple rounds of reaching out to student organizations directly, as well as sending out general invitations to join the event, OIS plans out the event’s program well in advance.

“I loved planning World’s Got Talent,” Custo said. “It was really fun reaching out to people and seeing who was signing up.”

Groups such as Vassar’s Korean Dance Crew, which showcased its members’ skills with five dance numbers, were able to share their hard work with their peers through the competition.

Vassar students were also encouraged to enter a dessert cook off, where participants were tasked with preparing international treats that were judged by students, professors and staff, in addition to members of the Friendship Program. “[The Friendship Program] entails members of the campus/ broader community that ‘host’ one or more first year internationals each year,” said Meade.

In addition to Kaleidoscope, OIS and VISA also sponsored an International

World Trivia Night at The Mug on Thursday, Nov. 16, and organized a student soccer tournament—the Soccer World Cup—on Sunday, Nov. 19. The winning team was awarded with custom shirts with the participant’s name on the back.

Students noted that they appreciated the sense of community that the Kaleidoscope events create on campus, particularly for international students.

“It has been so long since we have seen examples of our identity,” said Nina Li ’24, an international student from China. “It’s exciting to be together with people that share our beliefs and people who know why we care so much about our international identities.”

Image courtesy of OIS.

artists, amusement park rides, food trucks and vendors, and much more.

People were also able to visit Wellness Tents or the Residential Quad for fun, substance-free activities. There is something on Founder’s Day for everyone, and it is the theme which brings everyone together. So please give us your suggestions!

Help choose the theme for Founder’s Day! Welcome back from break! In preparation for Founder’s Day next semester, the Division of Student Events needs your help creating this year’s theme. You can scan the QR code on the right or use the link in the VSA Instagram bio to access the Google Form where you can input suggestions. Tell your friends to vote, as well, because the general categories that are most popular will get compiled and sent out to the student body for a final vote. If you are a first-year student, last year’s theme was “Lost at Sea,” and the VSA was happy to provide fireworks, live

What are VSA Divisions?

The Division of Student Events is going through incredible effort to help make Founder’s Day possible, and while we are on the topic, let’s talk about VSA Divisions. The VSA Bylaws call for the creation of internal Divisions within the Executive Branch, which exist to provide support for the execution of the powers and duties of the Directors serving under the VSA President. There are five Divisions: the Division of Communications, the Division of Finance, the Division of Services, the Division of Student Events, and the Division of Student Organizations. For comparison, Divisions and their Directors occupy a sim-

Image courtesy of OIS.

ilar role in the VSA to the U.S. Presidential Cabinet with the various heads of executive departments. All members of a division are required to meet regularly and work for the purpose of coordinating the efforts of their respective division. For example, the Division of Communications, which writes this column in coordination with The Miscellany News, is charged with overseeing general outreach efforts and awareness campaigns, managing social media pages, and developing and implementing strategies, policies, and creative projects which facilitate and improve communications. Each Division is composed of the Director and either a designated number of assistants or any number of individuals hired on an as needed basis. These are not elected positions, and, every year, the VSA sends out emails for people to apply. From this applicant pool, the VSA selects the most qualified candidates. These positions are paid and look great on a resume, so next time you have an opportunity, do not hesitate to apply! No experience with the VSA is necessary.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Casework:

Contact Us:

Founder’s Day Survey:

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Vassar

Tiny

Sadie Keesbury Crossword Editor

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atching musicians perform live allows an audience to feel personally connected with the music and the personality of the artist they are watching, and catching a live set can also introduce audience members to new artists who they may never have sought out before. However, not all artists have access to live performance, and not all listeners have access to seeing shows.

Well-produced video concerts, like those on NPR’s Tiny Desk, the BBC’s Live Lounge and Mahogany Sessions have given audiences and artists both big and small access to each other across the world. Recording live music performances, with high quality audio and video production, brings the joyful experience of live music onto the small screen and into people’s homes and phones.

Vassar Tiny Desk, inspired by NPR’s beloved series, gives that opportunity to musicians and listeners from around Vassar’s campus. Artists Margot Gordinier ’24, Vassar Night Owls and 30 Minutes Late all joined Vassar College TV (VCTV), Student Music (StuMu), ViCE and The Miscellany News in an adapted library in the Alumnae House on the Friday before Thanksgiving break to film three Tiny Desk videos. I was lucky enough to be able to sit in on much of the setup and filming for two of the three shoots, watching the real-time adjustments made so that every shot was perfect.

The professionalism and collaboration on the set was impressive—a sentiment echoed by Alexa Gwyn ’25 of 30 Minutes Late when she shared her observations on the filming and production of the videos.

“Everything was so down to the nail,” Gwyn stated. To achieve this professional atmo-

What Arts Editor

ne of the key barriers of entry to films are their runtimes. Movies which extend well past the two hour mark are often slandered as boring, pretentious or outright excessive. While these all hold true in various scenarios, long films can be equally as engrossing as their zippy counterparts if executed properly, effectively challenging audience and industry demands. The aforementioned criticisms may only be exacerbated by length, rather than directly stemming from this approach itself.

Over the past few months, I have seen an oddly high number of films that go past conventionally expected lengths. In theaters, I watched “Napoleon,” “Oppenheimer” and “Killers of the Flower Moon”—clocking in at 158, 181 and 206 minutes, respectively— alongside viewing “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” and an extended director’s cut of “Amadeus” on streaming.

This abundance of expansive experience has weighed heavily on my mind as a movie fan, giving me an ample supply of contemporary and non-contemporary examples by which I observed varying approaches to lengthy visual storytelling. Despite feeling personally challenged by some of these stories’ presentations, many of my favorite films are also on the longer side, which has contributed to my overall interest in the proper directorial approach to this style.

Perhaps the most obvious component, the subject matter of a long film, must demand the runtime afforded to it. For historical dra-

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sphere, VCTV brought two camera angles and well-adjusted lighting, and StuMu calibrated the audio recording with several microphones so that the sound from every voice and instrument would be picked up.

All four organizations collaborated to create an engaging and functional set in such a small space. Sam Hurwitz ’25 of StuMu said in an email, “There were some fun small details like using Step Aerobics platforms as risers for The Night Owls, taping makeshift curtains to the windows for lighting purposes, and sneaking in Easter eggs for our orgs in the shots.” These touches, among other details like the specific placement of band members or the attention to energy level in the room, showed the commitment that everybody had to creating a truly awesome product.

I had the chance to sit as an audience member for both Gordinier and 30 Minutes Late’s Tiny Desk sets. The audience was small but enthusiastic, filling the intimate space with support for the musicians playing. Gordinier is a singer-songwriter (whose music can be found on Spotify and Apple Music) who played an acoustic set of five songs. The guitar and vocals blended beautifully in the space, and Gordinier’s playful energy between songs was charming. Sitting on a stool with two guitars and microphones, Gordinier brought a calm, personal, acoustic vibe to the library with songs like “Tether,” a single released last year.

30 Minutes Late is a band that performs pretty much any genre of music they find compelling, according to founding members Aza Wolfwood ’25 and Gwyn. The group brought eight musicians to perform, including drums, bass, guitar, keyboard, saxophone and a horn section. They played a few covers, including Stevie Wonder’s

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“Isn’t She Lovely,” as well as an untitled original. I sat down with Wolfwood and Gwyn after the shoot to ask a few questions about the founding of their band and their experience with Vassar Tiny Desk. Wolfwood and Gwyn mentioned that their band came together after a birthday party show for a friend on the field hockey team and has been continually growing since then.

After finding out about Vassar Tiny Desk through an email, the band was thrilled to bring their musical talent to Alumnae House. The intimate recording setting also allowed for 30 Minutes Late to explore a new sound. Wolfwood said, “We are pretty loud as a band, and this really made us become more intimate, more quiet and really fine tune.”

These two sets, and the a cappella set between them, were each amazing and sig-

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nificantly different in style, a choice made by the organizers that helps highlight the diversity of student musicians on Vassar’s campus. The first Vassar Tiny Desk video is anticipated to premiere next week, and the next ones will come soon after. Keep an eye out for the video releases as they are uploaded onto The Misc’s YouTube Channel—the music and production are sure to delight any lover of live music.

“We are pretty loud as a band, and this really made us become more intimate, more quiet and really fine tune.”

Sadie Keesbury/The Miscellany News.

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mas such as the examples mentioned above— save “Lord of the Rings”—this is more easily achievable owing to the time spans covered by these films, typically depicting the lives of their main characters over years (or decades) of development. Thematic throughlines are established in order to narrow the scope of the story and bind its progression together.

“Amadeus” does this by observing Mozart from the perspective of rival composer Antonio Salieri, recounting their relationship from an angle oblivious to Mozart. “Napoleon” similarly utilizes our titular emperor’s relationship with Josephine as the story’s center, which influences his psyche and decision-making in various key moments. Although I prefer “Amadeus,” due to its superior pacing, visuals and dialogue, each upholds their legitimate claim to length by developing the core themes of an extensive plot through particular social connections held between historic figures, humanizing their greatness and intrigue for the audience. Their seemingly mythological powers are still, however, emphasized through the use of filmic techniques (i.e. visuals or exaggerated drama) aimed at entertainment.

Surprisingly, most long films I considered were either period pieces or other works based upon reality. However, fictional movies provided another unique angle to understand successful approaches to length. Although the pace of action varies, these examples often make use of a challenging journey as their central focus. As an uninitiated viewer, the plot of “The Fellowship of the Ring” was often dizzying after the initial exposition of our heroes’ central goal. Three hours blow by

November 30, 2023

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due to this approach, one in which (generally speaking) our characters venture from place to place, fight enemies and proceed onward into the unknown. The action and setup behind each of these moments is more varied than my summary; however, this language captures the plot’s pace and formula, broadly speaking. This formula excels at surprising and thrilling the viewer. We are given enough time to process the film’s immersive fantasy before being swiftly whisked away to its next chapter, mirroring the addictive structure of any well-written, popular fantasy novel of epic proportions. Contrastingly, Andrei Tarkovsky’s slow cinema purposefully halts potentially grand journeys to the level of closely examined scenes, unfolding by way of philosophical conversation within unique settings that influence the thoughts and actions of travelers. In order for the weight of these conversations to sit with the audience, pace must be stretched to its limits. When the background (such as that of “Solaris” or “Stalker”) has an immense impact on the narrative, it demands to be examined carefully by the director’s lens, visually legitimating the need for length. Even if one finds these conversations to be plodding, their very nature—thoughtful, sparse back-and-forths on lofty ideas—necessitates the extensive time covered by them. Fault may again be found here in the writing rather than the length of the film.

Films can also effectively mix varying paces in order for their entire experience to remain thoroughly interesting. For instance, “Oppenheimer” quickly moves through a number of years in its opening third in or-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

engrossing? der to present the background necessary to understanding the main character, leaving many key scenes to remain simply as vignettes. Right as this approach began to wear on me, the film readjusted its pacing in order to more completely explore its central concerns, such as the build-up to the Trinity Test and the courtroom drama which followed Oppenheimer after World War II. If either of these portions set the tone for the entire three hours, the film would have either given me whiplash or bored me. Oscillating between montage, action and drawn-out dialogue is not necessary to maintaining a film’s runtime, however, and it would be mistaken to consider excitement (such as that of “Lord of the Rings”) as necessary to length, as previously demonstrated by Tarkovsky.

In an age dominated by short-form content on social media, the challenges posed by long-form filmmaking deserve to be welcomed with open arms, especially if we choose to value art as something beyond distracted or absentminded entertainment and consumption. A long film which is unenjoyable due to components beyond length can certainly feel like a grating waste of time; however, it is not reason to dismiss all films which move beyond industry standards and audience expectations for length. Many of the films I mentioned are high-grossing, culturally iconic works which have found support from various camps of movie enjoyers.

The next time you choose a movie to see on streaming or in theaters, do not let the hours and minutes listed scare you off. You might instead find exactly what you were looking to experience.

ARTS

November 30, 2023

Ranking

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Continued from PEANUTS on page 1 and Woodstock. On the plus side, the short features some groovy mid-’70s Guaraldi. By far, the best moment is when Linus’ dream of an “Easter Beagle” is acted out by Snoopy, who dances across the frame, giving out Easter eggs stolen (à la Robin Hood) from Lucy. The scene is set to a great Beethoven reorchestration, but the rest of “It’s the Easter Beagle” falls flat.

ing it a surprisingly solid entry.

7. “I Want A Dog For Christmas, Charlie Brown” (2003) “I Want A Dog For Christmas” is achingly inauspicious. Being another Christmas installment made after the turn of the millennium, I fully expected to come out of this special disappointed. Yet, although it lacks a strong narrative and much connection to Christmas, “I Want A Dog” turns out to be a winsome and cutesy story about late-series addition Rerun Van Pelt trying to adopt Snoopy’s desert-faring brother Spike. Great visual gags (Snoopy collecting Schroeder’s piano notes from the air) and archetypical Schulz jokes (Snoopy panhandling as a Salvation Army Santa) override any of the special’s lack of clarity or narrative thrust.

Moreover, “I Want a Dog” proves that good “Peanuts” media can be and is still being made.

6. “Happy New Year, Charlie Brown” (1986) This entry represents a turning point in the rankings. As we move up the list to better (and older) specials, their gaiety and emotional potency seem more evergreen and a product of cohesive artistic vision by creatives at the peak of their power. “Happy New Year” is a product of this synchronicity, as a focused story honing in on Charlie Brown’s struggle to complete his winter break reading assignment: Leo Tolstoy’s “War and Peace.” His battle with the novel (and constant distractions from it) undergird this jubilant special, structured as a jukebox musical with triumphant singalong numbers and dance sequences. It is surprisingly innovative for a later Charlie Brown special, and the cast’s camaraderie only heightens the humor when contrasted with Charlie Brown’s abject literary misery, mak-

‘Peanuts’

5. “It’s Arbor Day, Charlie Brown” (1976) Perhaps the most underrated holiday special. “It’s Arbor Day” is unassuming yet excellent, taking a relatively obscure holiday and thrusting it into absurd circumstances when a baseball field is chosen as the site of a community garden raised by Sally and Lucy to celebrate Arbor Day. It is a brilliant premise, and the ensuing game between Peppermint Patty and Charlie Brown’s respective teams is “Peanuts” at its most fevered and charismatic. At the center of the pitcher’s mound is a sapling, which prevents Peppermint Patty from throwing; sentient ivy ensnares Snoopy while he is at bat; between the bases are narrow rows of tulips and gardenias which prevent the runners from getting too far. It is an innovative concept that stretches the holiday premise to its furthest extent, subverting the traditional environmentalist narrative with a quintessentially “Peanuts” situation. “It’s Arbor Day” is the final special Guaraldi scored—the special is dedicated to him—and while his soundtrack is perhaps a little misplaced, its somnolent, introspective dreaminess is a fitting coda to his career as a virtuoso of atmospheric composition.

4. “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” (1966) This placement could be blasphemy to many, but I firmly stand by it. It was revelatory watching “Great Pumpkin” again, not only because it is a wonderful special, but because it is surprisingly threadbare. Linus’ grappling with faith and the existence of The Great Pumpkin is a potent plot line—compelling, fun and existential, while remaining approachable—and the trick-or-treating scenes remain littered with iconic costumes and quotables (Charlie Brown’s many-holed ghost outfit and deadpan delivery of “I got a rock” are timeless). Linus’ scene writing to The Great Pumpkin, disparaged by all parties but remaining earnest in his conviction, is my favorite scene across all “Peanuts” media. It is scored to perhaps Guaraldi’s greatest “Peanuts” composition, “The Great Pumpkin Waltz,” defining autumnal wistfulness and beauty in musical form. Yet, a vacuous

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Snoopy interlude as the Red Baron occupies much of the special. While seeing Snoopy duck and crawl across the French countryside is in its own way brilliant, it is jarring, unrelated and detracts from the fantastic humor and thematic content of the rest of the special. Though uneven, it is a classic.

3. “Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown” (1975) “Be My Valentine” is the product of mechanical consistency from all parties conspiring to form a wickedly solid special.

Schulz’s charm and incisive look at sociality is so present here, featuring Charlie Brown accepting a pity Valentine because “it was my first valentine… even if it was a used one.” He is then swept into a delusion of grandeur, exclaiming: “Maybe this is the start of a trend for ol’ Charlie Brown!” This is Chuck at peak schlimazel, a wretch suffering the full human condition at eight years old and still finding hope to keep trying. Melendez and Guaraldi are firing on all cylinders, with crisp, well-animated production and a melodic feast of a soundtrack. The

This is Chuck at peak schlimazel, a wretch suffering the full human condition at eight years old and still finding hope to keep trying.

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corn; every constitutive element combines to make this special classic by all metrics. It also brought Peppermint Patty and Woodstock to the fore of the “Peanuts” canon, two essential cast members largely immortalized through their inclusion in “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.” This one feels like home to me.

1. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (1965) The original. Eminent and miraculous, this special was produced on astronomical time and budgetary constraints and was projected to be a flop with audiences for its edgy anti-commercial stance, according to Smithsonian Magazine. Nevertheless, “A Charlie Brown Christmas” proved to be an unprecedented seismic success. It captured the minds of its generation, firmly entrenched itself within popular culture and echoed the discontent among young people yearning for greater meaning within modernity. Most wonderfully of all, it is scathing without being morose in its melancholia or nihilistic in its criticism of commercialization. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is the perfect confluence of wonderfully makeshift art design, iconic existential themes and a consummate soundtrack which forever cemented jazz as a hallmark of Christmas music and “Peanuts” as part of holiday culture.

tracks feature beautifully hazy electric piano and synth–a fuzzy and soothing sonic rendering of lovesickness. Check this one out if you have not seen it.

2. “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” (1973) “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” always hits and remains consistent from year to year, from the hallmarks of mid-’70s jazz codified in the delightful vocal track “Little Birdie” to its accompanying sequence featuring Snoopy battling a sentient lawn chair.

Equally delightful is the playful, subversive reinvention of Thanksgiving dinner as buttered toast, pretzels, jellybeans and pop-

Jesse Koblin/The Miscellany News.

Madison Beer’s second album will cure your winter blues Alyvia Drapeau Guest Columnist

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adison Beer’s long-anticipated second studio album, “Silence Between Songs,” was released back in September. This album is a perfectly cohesive collection of songs that flows smoothly—just like Beer’s angelic voice—from the first track to the final one. The album covers a variety of subjects, such as falling in love, growing up and family relationships. This album displays not only her one-of-a-kind vocal talent but also her ability to craft deeply impactful lyrics.

Back in 2021, Beer released one of the singles from the album, “Reckless.” This song quickly became a viral hit on social media apps such as TikTok, making listeners eager to hear more from the rising pop star. She followed this one up with another popular song in 2022, titled “Dangerous.” In early 2023, she released “Home To Another One,” which she also turned into an acoustic version and later remixed in collaboration with Timbaland. These three releases are some of Beer’s best work and created momentum for the singer to put out this perfectly crafted album. Additionally, she put out “Spinnin”

and “Showed Me (How I Fell In Love With You)” as singles a month before the album was released, developing even more excitement for the whole compilation.

One of my favorite tracks on “Silence Between Songs” is titled “17.” In this song, Beer reflects on growing up, expressing her sadness at how quickly it feels like our early years pass by. It hits hard, listening as someone who has recently entered my twenties when I feel like just yesterday I was 17. Additionally, this song serves as a reminder that the celebrities we feel distanced from are also real people experiencing the same emotions we do.

In addition to “17,” Beer produced a few other tracks that reflect on her sense of self.

“Spinnin” and “I Wonder” depict uncertainty, confusion and feeling stuck in life. In “Envy the Leaves,” she sings about her jealousy of nature—how the leaves do not have to face the complex problems that humans do. In the title track, “Silence Between Songs,” Beer is vulnerable about how she can struggle with being alone with her thoughts, discussing how she copes with this experience. It is refreshing to hear lyrics that are open about mental health without a wall of metaphors

hiding the true meaning of the songs. Beer took a brave step in creating these candid stories in her latest lyrics, setting herself apart as an artist prepared to be vulnerable to connect with her fanbase.

“Ryder” is another emotional song that hits home for me, in which Beer reflects on her relationship with her younger brother.

The lyrics show that they were “two kids caught in the crossfire,” but they were able to make it through because they had each other. While the song is not a mirror image of my relationship with my siblings, I connect with it through Beer’s expression of how much love and compassion she has for her little brother.

Along with relatable songs that appeal to a large audience, Beer included a few love ballads on the album. “Nothing Matters But You” and “Showed Me (How I Fell In Love With You)” provide insight into the beautifully romantic side of Beer’s dating life.

She sings about the feeling of falling in love, developing trust and finally feeling safe in a relationship. These songs are balanced out, however, by “Sweet Relief,” “Home To Another One,” “Dangerous” and “Reckless,” which offer a candid perspective on the feel-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

ings that arise when relationships, for many different reasons, do not work out. She highlights her experiences with cheating, being left broken-hearted and wanting someone you shouldn’t be with. Beer doesn’t sugarcoat the details about what her romantic relationships have been like.

On tracks eight and 14, Beer shifts gears and focuses on disappointing relationships that are not necessarily romantic. Both “At Your Worst” and “King of Everything” appear to be call-outs, but pain and disappointment are reflected through Beer’s voice, rather than feelings of anger and contempt. While she does not explicitly say who these songs are about, they are obviously inspired by men in Beer’s life who let her down.

Not only does Beer have an incredible vocal range, but she has the ability to produce songs about a broad range of subjects. “Silence Between Songs” explores a multitude of relationship types, including Beer’s relationship with herself. These 14 beautiful songs are a well-crafted collection that flows from the start of the album to the finish.

Beer’s soothing, Disney-princess-like voice can help anyone get through the winter blues and make them feel a little bit less alone.

FEATURES

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November 30, 2023

Student reviews ‘Foundations of Computer Science’ Luke Jenkins

Assistant Features Editor

I

chose my seat, a chair with a nice view of Ben Franklin’s behind, as a silent wish for a lucky semester. The class occurred on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 10:30 a.m. (with a lab on Thursday from 6 to 8 p.m.).

Entitled CMPU 145: “Foundations of Computer Science” and taught by Professor of Computer Science Anna Gommerstadt, the course is a requirement for all Computer Science majors and correlates. And while it is impossible to know how much I would have enjoyed the class had I chosen it without its use for my major, in this universe, I can affirm it was a heck of a good time.

What exactly did I learn? What is meant by the vague and all-encompassing word “Foundations”? Well, per my trusty syllabus, “This course introduces the theoretical, structural, and algorithmic foundations of computer science.” In essence, we learned the basics of functional programming through a language called OCaml.

This contrasts with other programming paradigms, like procedural languages or object-oriented languages. Functional programming utilizes functions to solve the problems we face when computing.

In both lecture and labs, we developed our

skills working with OCaml, proofs, recursive data structures, sets, logic, etc. to assist with higher-level computer science coursework.

I was initially skeptical—from the feedback of others in the department—about how I would fare in our assignments, but I can pleasantly say they are jolly and understandable. Professor Gommerstadt’s lectures are engaging and spirited with the energy one needs to understand the intersections and unions of sets. Although one is often searching hard for dry-erase markers in Sanders Physics 105, when all is said and done, the material is interesting and relevant. Even the proofs were not too difficult, just “foundation”-al!

While I suffered from a mid-semester concussion, Professor Gommerstadt was accommodating, and my enjoyment of the lectures kept me on track with the course’s workload. Her love of sloths and use of Vim, a text editor, for live lecture coding was a cozy way to pass autumn by. In the labs on Thursday nights, the questions were more puzzle than problem, and our coaches kept us on our toes!

I would recommend anyone take this section, even if they have only the slightest interest in computers and their functioning. It is truly worth a stop on the many twists and turns of a Vassar education.

Luke Jenkins/The Miscellany News.

Exploring U.S. health care in ‘Health Economics’ William Sorge Managing Editor

A

s a political science major pursuing a correlate in economics, I am deeply interested in the interplay between economic systems and other areas of society.

ECON 220: “Health Economics,” taught by health economist Alicia Atwood, has provided me with ample opportunity to explore the influence of economic forces on the American health care system.

The course has changed the way I think about health care in an economic context, unveiling the reality that human health is a valuable stock like any other into which investments can be made. We have looked closely at key pieces of U.S. health care reform over the last century, such as the introduction of Medicare and Medicaid in the ’60s or the passage of the Affordable Care Act (ACA) in 2010. All of these laws are central to present-day debates about the future of health care reform in this country. As a policy wonk with aspirations of one day working on some of these issues, I could not get enough.

The course readings focus heavily on academic papers which analyze the effects of various health care policies, both on public health itself and on economic consider-

The course has changed the way I think about health care in an economic context, unveiling the reality that human health is a valuable stock like any other into which investments can be made.

The course is extremely accessible, and Professor Atwood makes the material easy to grasp for all majors, provided you have at least a little introductory economics under your belt. ations, such as the per capita cost of care.

In comparison to other wealthy nations, the United States has exorbitant health care costs, yet subpar health outcomes with markedly worse metrics of life expectancy and maternal mortality. The course allows for both quantitative and qualitative examination of some of the reasons behind this, including the for-profit nature of our health care system and the many race and class disparities that constantly plague it.

We have studied phenomena such as adverse selection and moral hazard, which insurance companies and health care providers account for in the coverage and provision of care, and which policymakers must contend with in their efforts to improve the current system. One of my favorite readings was an essay in The Atlantic titled “The Moral-Hazard Myth” by Malcolm Gladwell, which explained how moral hazard—the idea that insuring people will lead them to be riskier with their health— is overemphasized in political discourse around health care reform, preventing vulnerable populations from getting covered.

This was a major factor in the debate over the ACA, which aimed to cover as many uninsured individuals as would prove possible under the day’s political constraints.

Aside from the intrigue of the course material, “Health Economics” has been a pleasant class for its relatively low-stress workload, especially in comparison to other economics courses I have taken. Prob-

lem sets are graded on a completion basis, which de-centers the number grade and instead emphasizes the meat of the problems themselves. Lecture slides are always available online, which makes studying for exams much easier. The exams themselves are fairly graded, and they are easy to study for knowing they will closely mirror what we discuss in class. There is also plenty of in-class group work, which I appreciate since it fosters a collaborative atmosphere and good discussion of the topics at hand.

I would say all these measures make for an excellent in-class experience that draws

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

focus away from grades or busywork and instead toward the material itself.

I would highly recommend “Health Economics” to anyone interested in the policy behind the U.S. health care system, whether you approach it from a humanities background like myself or a STEM background like many of my classmates. The course is extremely accessible, and Professor Atwood makes the material easy to grasp for all majors, provided you have at least a little introductory economics under your belt. I would choose to take this course again in a heartbeat.

William Sorge/The Miscellany News.

November 30, 2023

Underlining Kai Speirs

Features Edtior

I

nformation for this article was taken from “John McAndrew’s Modernist Vision: From the Vassar College Art Library to the Museum of Modern Art” by Mardges Bacon. The book contains a foreword written by Vassar College art history professors Molly Nesbit and Susan Donahue Kuretsky, as well as Art Librarian Thomas Hill. Photographs were provided by the late Vassar Professor of Art Andrew Tallon, and captions were written by Tobias Armborst, Professor and Chair of Art. Done in the neo-gothic style, the Thompson Memorial Library remains one of Vassar’s most stunning pieces of architecture.

However, its companion, the Van Ingen Art Library, is an icon of a much different trend in architectural history––namely, modernism. Vassar’s neo-gothic buildings––while beautiful and historic in their own right––are, for the most part, imitations of an already established style. Their style is uncontroversial, even expected from a small East Coast liberal arts college.

The interior of the Art Library, on the other hand, adopted a truly modern style when it was constructed in 1937.

The Art Library’s modernist style reflects changes in the pedagogy of the Art Department at Vassar College during the ’30s—that is, a decision to become modern.

Based in the newly constructed Taylor Hall (1915), Vassar’s Art Department served as the physical and figurative gateway into the college. The department hired a series of emigré scholars from Germany— namely Richard Krautheimer and Adolf Katzenellenbogen; hosted lectures from members of the European avant-garde, such as French architect Le Corbusier; and hosted exhibitions of the newest European art. In 1951, Vassar hired the famous Hungarian-German modernist architect Marcel Breuher to design Ferry House, which serves as a useful example of architectural modernism for ART 106 students who tour the building at the end of the semester.

However, for as much as there was an importation of European modernism at Vassar, the Art Department was also a great incubator for American modernism when the movement was still in its infancy. The Van Ingen Art Library is perhaps the best testament we have to Vassar’s contribution to the modernist moment in architectural history.

The man behind the design of the Art Library is John McAndrew, a professor in Vassar’s Department of Art from 1932 to 1937, who taught architectural history and drafting. Born in 1904, McAndrew was raised in New York City, then spent his undergraduate and graduate years at Harvard University. When McAndrew studied architecture at Harvard, the program was not privy to the swelling avant-garde movements happening in Europe at the time and instead remained wedded to the Beaux-Arts system and its curriculum. The Beaux-Arts system, which peaked in the late 19th century, is characterized by order, symmetry, formal design, grandiosity and elaborate ornamentation—all things that theorists, architects and students had begun to reject in Europe. Nonetheless, McAndrew and many of his peers watched what was happening in Europe with admiration. A host of students at Harvard, of which McAndrew was included, would later become known as the Harvard Modernists. These students rejected the Beaux-Arts system and were fascinated with European figures like Le Corbusier. Many members of this

FEATURES architectural

modernism

group would eventually end up at Vassar College, namely the first director of the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in New York, Alfred Barr, and Agnes Rindge (later Claflin), who orchestrated many of the key hiring decisions in the Art Department in the ’30s. Agnes Claflin continues to be honored at Vassar via the Claflin lecture series.

ed on the famous Armory Show in New York—the exhibition that introduced the experimental styles of the European avant garde, including Fauvism and Cubism, to America. Finally, a series of exhibitions in the ’20s and ’30s—which deserve an article in their own right—continued to introduce the Vassar College community to modern painting.

Fast-forward to 1935: Swelling enrollment and the need to create more space for library materials compelled Vassar to consider expanding the library. Plans were made to connect Taylor Hall with the Main Library, and McAndrew was made responsible for drafting plans for the interior. McAndrew had already overseen the renovations for a smaller space on campus, namely the Cooperative Bookshop, (that is now the far less interesting Vassar College Store) which was outfitted with chairs designed by Breuer and was popular among students. The Miscellany News boasted that “Vassar now rivals the Left Bank (in Paris).” Like the Bookshop, the Art Library was designed to eliminate unnecessary ornament and instead allow its colors, materials and forms to announce its modernity. The tall blue bookshelves we still have today were made with steel fabricated using new manufacturing processes that led to the interwar period named the Machine Age. For the Art Library, modernity also meant modern comforts. The library was fully air-conditioned, which was rare for pre-World War II buildings, and used glass bricks for windows, which kept the heat in better than the thinner glass windows of the Main Library. The chosen color palette—walls of a yellow hue, a corkscrew brown floor and touches of blue-green— draws from a number of theoretical models, most of which are hard to determine with certainty due to the fact that McAndrew rarely wrote about his design of the Art Library.

Various theories are covered in the book on McAndrew, the most prominent being

With new headquarters built in the newest style, the Art Department could empower the idea that art history had continuity at Vassar and that the discipline had a hand in the study of both past movements and current ones.

McAndrew never completed his degree at Harvard, perhaps because he rejected the outdated curriculum. Instead, he worked as a draftsman in New York and traveled to Europe to tour the newest works of European modernist architecture, which would greatly influence his own work.

McAndrew returned to New York and hung around the people who had recently founded MoMA, many of whom had been his peers at Harvard. In 1932, McAndrew was hired at Vassar by Rindge (later Claflin). When McAndrew arrived, Vassar was already a vital site for modernism; Alfred Barr had taught at Vassar before becoming director of MoMA, and theorist of modern architecture, Henry-Russell Hitchcock had been hired in 1927. The Taylor Art Gallery (now the Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center) had acquired many recent works of art which provided the foundation for courses on modern painting. Further, The Miscellany News had extensively report-

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Vassar

his interest in the Purism of Le Corbusier. It is possible that inspiration also came from the design of the studio of Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo, which McAndrew visited in 1934. The furniture in the Art Library was chosen by McAndrew to unify the modernist look. The Breuer chairs are well known, but the chairs that surround the tables are also historic. Designed by Bauhaus teacher Mart Stam, these chairs were designed with careful attention to the best ergonomic theories at the time, and their simplicity was designed to not disrupt the open interior space. Bauhaus-inspired ceiling and table lamps also outfit the Art Library.

McAndrew would leave Vassar College just before the construction on the Art Library was finished. He was appointed to be the first Curator of Architecture and Industrial Art at MoMA, where he worked under his old friend and mentor, Alfred Barr. Nonetheless, Vassar College, MoMA and modernism in general remained in cahoots even after many art history professors at Vassar, like McAndrew and Barr, took jobs elsewhere. Between the years of 1937 and 1940, eight exhibitions at the Vassar College Art Library were organized or made possible by MoMA. Additionally, the Loeb’s collection of modern paintings remains world-class, and the construction of buildings in the modernist style would continue, most prominently with the construction of Ferry House by Breuer in 1951.

The construction of the Art Library during the heyday of modernist innovation in Europe and America was deeply important for both the growth of American modernism and for the students of Vassar College. With new headquarters built in the newest style, the Art Department could empower the idea that art history had continuity at Vassar and that the discipline had a hand in the study of both past movements and current ones. For Vassar students of the ’30s and ’40s, the Art Library surely captured the spirit of their moment.

Kai Speirs/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR

Page 8

November 30, 2023

Breaking News From the desk of Nicholas Tillinghast, Humor Editor

Student studying abroad has major revelation: “I guess people find me boring everywhere.”

No! Don’t you dare pour that down the sink!

Nicholas Tillinghast Drained

T

here is no worse feeling than coming back to campus and seeing that your favorite dorm bathroom sink is hopelessly clogged. Apparently someone didn’t know soil is not an acceptable thing to pour down the drain, leaving a pool of dirty water with floating chunks of earth in it. To avoid such ineptitude, I’ve compiled a collection of things that definitely shouldn’t be dumped down the drain, lest you be the next fool that clogs my favorite sink.

First and thus most importantly, do not pour any form of noodles of any kind down the sink. You’re just gonna pour perfectly good noodles down the drain? I don’t care if they are ramen, spaghetti, pool or otherwise. They’re gonna sit at the bottom of the drain like a bunch of slinky trolls beneath a bridge—indefinitely. You might think a rubbery food would surely break down in such wet conditions, but no. All forms of noodles excel in watery conditions.

While you’re at it, please, please, please, please do not pour any shredded copies of “Diary of Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules” down the sink. Come on! This is the best book in the series! It’s the one where Rodrick and Greg briefly reconcile their differences after pages and pages of conflict regarding Rodrick’s fledgling band! Why must it go down the drain? All that paper pulp will no doubt

clog the sink anyway. Greg helping Rodrick with his science fair project, “Do Plants Sneeze?”, is not something you can so easily erase.

Wait, now you’re trying to pour a jar of perfectly good nails down the sink? You could build so many birdhouses with those nails! Think of the starlings, cardinals and titmice! The sink will not consume the 50 or so nails that you intend to feed it, not one bit. The sink won’t even know what to do with them, building a dam, a house for beavers instead of a house for birds.

What are you up to now? Oh! Do not pour your or anyone else’s baby teeth down the sink. Why would you do such a thing?

They helped you consume food throughout your childhood! The least you can do is hold onto them. A better alternative would be to put them in the soil so that they can nourish the earth once again, or maybe you could sell them for money. I know how it starts: you have all these baby teeth lying around that your mother gave back to you when you were 16 after she admitted to you that the tooth fairy was nonexistent. You have no use for these. Maybe the sink will know what to do with them. This is a terrible conclusion to come to. No sink has ever desired teeth.

As enticing as it may seem, do not pour a recently deceased goldfish down the sink.

Like most fish, the gold variety will not immediately decompose in water, leaving the unforgettable scent of death in the

meantime as it clogs the system. Goldfish are technically solids, so in cases like this, I remember the initialism, ABL: Always Be Liquifying. It may hurt your heart, but a pureed fish will have a much better time escaping the drain than a solid one. Otherwise, take a more rugged approach and just flush the poor guy.

If you are currently enrolled in a glass-making class, please do not pour your excess sand down the sink. Sand is for children’s play implements and deserts, not sink

drains. What you can do instead is box up your remaining sand, put it in a drawer and forget about it for a few months. Then you’ll rediscover it, saying, “Who left all this sand here?”

This is by no means an exhaustive list of what not to pour down the sink. A good rule of thumb is to imagine that I am standing right next to you, and if what you’re pouring would make me say “Now why would you go and do a thing like that? Foolish, foolish, foolish,” then maybe don’t do it.

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

Comedy troupe unsure: Is audience laughing with us or at us?

Eli Cuomo Joke Police

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ow, we all know the idiom “any press is good press,” most often employed by “controversial” politicians and downward-spiraling celebrities, who perhaps see an almost freeing quality in feeding off negativity like a hedonistic Joey Chestnut. I certainly don’t want my inadequacies (if I had any) to be publicized, despite how entertaining they might be. However, many “lowbrow” comedians disagree, and proudly display their numerous flaws in their sets, with some even harming themselves physically for a laugh. Such drivel. However, despite my reservations, I still beg the question: If all press is good press, then are all laughs good laughs?

If we must investigate this enthralling and ever-important question (which I’ve decided, we must), I need to start with a basic truth that we can all agree on: Comedians are not normal people. Whereas functioning members of society prioritize genuine social interactions and a productive life, the comedian cares only about “the bit” and the ultimate goal of eliciting laughter from those around them. However, even the most depraved comedian would agree that they would rather be receiving laughs from a monologue they’re giving on “Saturday Night Live” than from dancing around in a jester’s hat.

Last week I was lucky enough to see my hypothesis in action in the world-renowned venue of Rocky 200. This particular comedy

troupe was doing a “sketch” about the great recession of 2008, but were just listing banal facts while showing us a poorly organized Google Slides presentation. I think someone even busted out what I have to assume was an Obama impression. Needless to say, there wasn’t much of a positive audience response.

However, after the third presenter finished their report on the legislative push to bail out the big banks, (around 30 minutes into the sketch) they tripped on a wire and face planted into the linoleum floor. Oh, did pandemonium ensue! The audience burst into the loudest roar of laughter of the entire set (and possibly the history of Vassar comedy). Some members of the troupe seemed upset that this bit of incidental cheap slapstick stole the spotlight, whereas others just seemed happy that they brought joy to the audience.

For the next portion of the set, the troupe could not be sure if the audience was laughing at their jokes or their misfortune. Was their sketch so bad that they were being laughed at? Or had they cracked the code and were cementing themselves as legends in the annals of Vassar College comedy? As a comedic genius myself [citation needed] I could tell that the seats of Rockefeller Hall were not shaking because everything was going well, but rather because the recession sketch was completely falling apart. I even heard one troupe member whisper to another (I have excellent hearing) “Are they laughing at our sketch or at us?”

Then, in a moment of comedic alchemy

beyond even my knowledge, these eight undergraduate comedians came together, and all started falling and throwing themselves around the “stage” like rag-dolls. I started to cringe as everyone (besides me of course), burst into a fit of screaming and crying laughter. Though sadly…after a while, despite my best efforts to avoid it, I couldn’t resist starting to chuckle…but how! How could something so sophomoric make a renowned comedy critic such as myself laugh? Have I lost my way? Or maybe, just maybe, there is something profoundly human about laughing at

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

each other when we fall down, maybe I’ve been looking at comedy all wrong. Maybe.

I would still be remiss not to thank the slapstick comedian. Only you could risk your health for the sake of others, a beautiful and noble act really, and make such a grinch like myself come down from my high horse and laugh along the common-folk.

But don’t be mistaken, I chalk this up to pure circumstance, and if you think I will end my gloriously pretentious attitude toward comedy, then it is you I will be laughing at next.

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

HUMOR

November 30, 2023

Vassar

announces

Oliver Stewart Smooth Sailor

I

n a shocking announcement in this week’s Sunday email, President of Vassar College Elizabeth Bradley announced a new three-year plan to completely “pirate-ify” the College with an eye toward making it “cooler” and “more awesome” than the other private liberal arts colleges with which it competes for students.

The pirate-ification program will include sweeping changes across all sectors of the College, including dining, residential life, the physical campus and academic as well as administrative organization. The first change put in place as part of the program was a change in title for Bradley herself.

“Yo-ho-ho,” the Sunday email read. “I know this may come as a shock to you, but I am no longer President Bradley,” she wrote.

“I am Captain Bradley.”

All administrative positions under Captain Bradley have likewise been changed.

The former Dean Luis Inoa, heretofore Dean of Student Living and Wellness, will henceforth be known as First Mate of Student Living and Wellness, and the other Deans’ offices have been similarly renamed.

“I am deeply excited about this change in direction for Vassar,” First Mate Inoa said. “I believe that a pirate-focused environment will allow students to thrive both academically and socially, and I cannot wait to make full sail and approach the challenge ahead with Captain Bradley and all of my immensely talented crewmates and colleagues.”

A number of other renamings have occurred, with others slated to take place in the near future. The body of water formerly known as Sunset Lake has been renamed Brigand’s Cove, and the former Gordon Commons will be known only as the Mess Deck starting next month. It will serve exclusively hardtack, with one lime per student every two weeks to prevent the onset of scurvy.

pirate-ification

Arlington Bucks have also been renamed Arrr-lington Doubloons, effective immediately.

Members of a capella and other musical groups were informed ahead of the announcement that they will be expected to learn and perform a new, all-sea shanty repertoire from now on. Although some students were initially dismayed at the news, almost all of them have since reconsidered.

“I realized, actually, that I love sea shanties, and I don’t need any of that other stuff,” one music student declared. “Yo-ho-ho, it’s a pirate’s life for me. Please don’t make me walk the plank.”

In addition, Vassar is looking to hire faculty members to staff a number of new academic departments, including (but not limited to) Plundering Studies, Timber Shivering, Deck Swabbing and Cool Pirate Flag Design Studies. According to Captain Bradley, “Our new academic offerings are at the forefront of what we are trying to accomplish with our pirate-ification program.”

“Our wide selection of piracy coursework, including the first Deck Swabbing Department in the Nnortheastern United States, will give Vassar students a unique opportunity to explore the intricacies of

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program buccaneering in a supportive learning community.”

Other changes will be enacted over winter break. While students are off campus in between semesters, all windows will be replaced with portholes, and cannons will be installed in the common spaces of each dormitory.

Captain Bradley expressed particular excitement at this last change.

“Not only will the cannons help create an authentic pirate feel in our residential spaces,” she said, “but our research indicates that the noise will be less disruptive than the pianos they are replacing.”

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR

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three

Cassandra Brook Fed Up

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n Monday night, I spent three hours in the Deece. Three whole hours. What could possibly be so enticing about the most ordinary dining establishment on this side of the Mississippi? Is it the camaraderie of classmates simultaneously chowing down

“...the Deece is a time warp that enables me to waste my precious time away.” on their food? Is it the delicious prospect of Deece Cream in a cup? No. It is none of these things. Honestly, I don’t even know what it is, beyond perhaps utter boredom and internal resistance to walking back to

things

to

my dorm in the chilly weather. What I do know is that the Deece is a time warp that enables me to waste my precious time away.

Thus, considering my regrets, I provide to you a list of things I could have done instead of spending three hours in the Deece.

Worked on Papers This time of year comes with an inordinate number of final assignments. For some reason, my life forecast reads, “Cloudy with a Chance of Essay,” as I personally have two 10-page papers due at the end of the semester. These papers have sucked the absolute lifeblood out of me to the point that I am one difficult citation away from going “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” on my citation book. Considering it’s the only source of conversation I’ve had in days, I don’t think I’m far from splashing water on it while calling it psychotic. If I had spent my three

do

other

November 30, 2023

than

Deece hours working on my papers, maybe I would have preserved my sanity and prevented myself from anthropomorphizing the Chicago Manual of Style.

Gone to Hell Within less than three hours, I could have gone to my personal hell, also known as Disney World. Though a great experience for kids, Disney World teems with a dangerous infection: Disney Adults. These people visit Disney on a constant basis and ruin it for every normal human being.

They vlog their fake weeping tears of joy at certain rides and wear overpriced Disney merchandise styled for toddlers. They push around actual kids in line to get to the greatest attractions. They endlessly mention every scene from every Disney movie on Earth and make me want to Debbie Downer them.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Deecing

Watched a Christmas Movie On Monday, it wasn’t yet socially acceptable to get into Christmas cheer, but I still would’ve much preferred this. I’m not even Christian, but I would rather proselytize myself by watching the most plotless bigcity-woman-returns-to-small-town movie on Hallmark than stay trapped in the Deece.

We all know she’s going to give up everything, her friends, her fancy new apartment, her lucrative career as a lawyer, to go marry the most average man who works at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. It makes absolutely no sense, but neither does spending three hours in the Deece.

The Deece and I are now in an all-out fight for my time. I punch, it punches, we brawl.

While I wish I could say I would win, I’ll probably be there again tomorrow morning to lose time and eat yogurt.

November 30, 2023

HUMOR

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Retreat improves efficiency, bankrupts local sushi restaurants Jamie Oliver Master Chef

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ast Friday, the Retreat announced its plan to streamline efficiency after complaints of long wait times and mass confusion had reached a boiling point. What used to be an organized line into the cafe had turned into an angry parade of students that doubled back on itself due to the confusing layout of the refrigerators. It was now taking the average student 12 minutes to pick up a sandwich and a side dish, and the Retreat executives knew they had to come up with a solution.

Last Thursday, Kay Oss ’24, a Retreat student intern, had the idea to replace the line with a giant, unorganized swarm of people. This chaotic mess somehow worked more efficiently than the Retreat’s current system, with Oss reporting 96 fewer person-to-person crashes on average per day.

The new system has allowed more students to access the much-coveted sushi rolls that the Retreat serves weekly. Adam Smith ’25, an economics major who interns with Oss at the Retreat, explained how the college can afford the packaged gas station-like sushi, the epitome of luxurious fine dining on campus.

“For one day a week, the college pivots all of its investments to purchase the sushi. On Wednesdays (and Wednesdays only), it temporarily outcompetes all 58

of Gordon Ramsay’s restaurants in access to high-quality dining goods, causing the College to almost go bankrupt for a few hours.”

The College has apologized for their inability to afford the sushi more than once a week. Smith explained the financial bur-

den to us: “Where would the College find the money? It’s not like our endowment is more than the price of five supersonic jets,” Smith explained. (It is.)

Meanwhile, in local Arlington, sushi restaurants are struggling to compete with the quality of the Retreat sushi, with over

30 percent expected to file for bankruptcy in the next month. “Retreat sushi tastes like golden cream melting in my mouth,” one Retreat diner explained. “Why would I ever go to a restaurant again when I could taste the blissful delight of Retreat-definitely-not-gas-station sushi?”

Karen Mogami/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

OPINIONS

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November 30, 2023

Campus response to Israel/Palestine conflict lacks nuance Lev Winickoff Guest Columnist

A

s a Jew, I do not believe that advocating for Palestinian lives is antisemitic. The nation-wide organization Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) is committed to advocacy despite being accused of antisemitism by the U.S. Senate. Senator Josh Hawley of Missouri’s resolution stated, “That the Senate…denounces the rhetoric of anti-Israel, pro-Hamas student groups as antisemitic, repugnant, and morally contemptible for sympathizing with genocidal violence against the State of Israel and risking the physical safety of Jewish Americans in the United States.” The resolution was passed by the Senate on Oct. 26, 2023.

Since then, a host of schools have banned or censored their chapters of SJP and Jewish Voices for Peace (JVP) for “antisemitic” acts. On Nov. 6, the Brandeis chapter of SJP was completely banned by the administration without a warning or consultation with its student union, per NBC Boston.

According to NBC, George Washington University suspended their chapter of SJP after students projected statements that were critical of the Israeli government, such as “Divestment from Zionist Genocide now,” on the wall of their library. After Columbia University’s SJP and JVP organized what they described as a “peaceful protest art installation” about the loss of innocent Palestinian life, the institution suspended both organizations, according to Inside Higher Ed. It is this political atmosphere, one committed to the silencing of Palestinian voices, in which Vassar’s chapter of SJP attempts to have its voice heard by peers and the administration. Although their

activism is not perfect, SJP’s message is extremely important and deserves a space on campus.

To assume that Palestinian advocacy is antisemitic is to completely misinterpret the movement in harmful and polarizing ways. It is to have a preconceived idea of the purpose of SJP, and it functions to silence the voices of the oppressed.

On Oct. 25, Vassar SJP led a peaceful walkout and march across the campus.

The demands of the march, according to SJP’s Instagram, fundamentally highlighted the need for peace; the organization demanded that the Vassar administration call for a ceasefire in Gaza, an important step considering what The Washington Post identifies as a large and growing number of deaths among Palestinian civilians in Gaza.

In addition, the protestors called for Vassar to divest from Israeli weapons manufacturers and boycott funding for the Israeli government by canceling abroad programs in Israel. This protest caused the administration to issue Level Two warnings to the organization leaders on the grounds that they violated Sections 5.01 and 10.04 in the student handbook, consisting of “Substantially interfering with the living, learn-

ing, or working environment of another individual; regardless of intentionality,” and “Failing to comply with a reasonable mandate or restriction given by a college official.” This result was upheld by the administration despite SJP’s 12-page appeal that reaffirmed the organization’s claim of innocence and offered evidence to corroborate it.

To assume that Palestinian advocacy is antisemitic is to completely misinterpret the movement in harmful and polarizing ways. It is to have a preconceived idea of the purpose of SJP, and it functions to silence the voices of the oppressed.

The biggest issue, from my perspective, is a lack of nuance in the viewpoint of the administration that has led them to begin placing restrictions on SJP. The more voices are silenced, the less space there is for nuance, so the failure to acknowledge nuance in the first place is compounded.

Nuance, of course, is important in both “sides” of the argument. It is important for people to be able to understand the difference between Hamas and Palestinian civilians and between Jews and the government of Israel. Oversimplifications of the situation are not just reductive and inaccurate but extremely harmful, perpetuating Islamophobic stereotypes that all Palestinians are antisemitic terrorists, and antisemitic stereotypes that Jews are always the rich beneficiaries of oppression.

These are identified as extremely common stereotypes by the United Nations and the Louis D. Brandeis Center, respectively.

According to NBC, “The ADL [Anti-Defamation League] and the Council on American-Islamic Relations have both documented spikes in hate incidents targeting Jews and Muslims across the U.S.” This is

precisely why it is necessary for people to have informed understandings of this complex situation. SJP promotes fact-based understanding on their Instagram; multiple posts refer to educational opportunities for students to learn about the history of the area, such as the “collective teach in on Palestine/Israel” held on Oct. 31 and a “Brief History of Palestinian Resistance” on Nov. 5. I have witnessed that complacency is often rightfully condemned by students on their Instagram stories as cowardly, but people must remember that it is just as cowardly to follow one viewpoint without the critical examination that can only come from education.

That being said, I think there is room for improvement when it comes to SJP’s strategy of advocacy. After speaking with representatives of SJP who wish to remain anonymous, they revealed that while they themselves are educated about Hamas, the organization had not explicitly engaged in org-wide education relating to Hamas. Not acknowledging that Hamas is an antisemitic terrorist group is an oversimplification of the situation, and a dangerous one. Even though Hamas is not the focus of the organization, failing to acknowledge the group’s actions at all risks misinterpretation and the dismissal of the whole movement.

When I discussed this with members of SJP, they were open to implementing more education, and this open-mindedness distinguishes the attitude of the organization from that of the College administration.

Contrary to antisemitism, SJP acknowledges that the position of Jews in this conflict is critical. Our people have felt the effects of genocide and thus it is our duty to advocate for collective liberation of all who are oppressed.

Monika Sweeney/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

November 30, 2023

OPINIONS

The

of

consequences Britt Andrade Columnist

“D

o not be on the wrong side of history.”

I see this phrase all the time on social media from people and communities calling for support of a certain cause. Support Black Lives Matter or you are on the wrong side of history. The insurrectionists of Jan. 6 were on the wrong side of history. Pick the right side or you will forever be labeled as a bigot and a coward. But history is subjective and ever-changing.

When I was 13, growing up in North Carolina, I was taught that the Civil War was fought over states’ rights. My peers in New York were taught it was about slavery. Neither of us was taught that the Emancipation Proclamation only freed enslaved people in the rebelling states, or about the United States’ involvement in the creation of Liberia. Every day a new level of nuance is added to history, layers of power and oppression in unequal measure. Yet we steamroll people into activism because of how history will remember us.

Here is the thing: I do not care about how I am remembered in history because history

Live

events

Sufana Noorwez Opinions Editor

T

he Summer of 2023 felt like the first one which was truly “normal” after the COVID-19 pandemic. There were little to no restrictions regarding travel, people largely went around maskless and live music returned to large, crowded venues. Given the rapid transition from social distancing back to pre-pandemic life, it is a good time to evaluate the way that we, as a society, experience large events such as concerts, shows or movies that require many people to be packed together in a relatively tight space.

For many people like me, the experience of being in a packed, massive environment is extremely uncomfortable. As much as I love live music, seeing shows and experiencing new things, the thought of being pressed up against hundreds of people that I do not know is frankly a little bit nauseating. While other people may experience this as an excitement, I do not, and it is unfortunate that it is an experience that one must endure for the sake of seeing live events.

It is definitely true that there are more mediums now for alternative experiences of live entertainment than before—there are concert movies and live streams which can emulate the experience of live entertainment—but there is something different and indescribable about experiencing live entertainment itself. Whether it is the thrum of the music in your chest, or the shock of a jumpscare inside of a movie theater, there is still something magical about live entertainment, outside of your home. However, my personal feelings about being in crowds for live entertainment are eclipsed by safety considerations, many of which have been extremely relevant in our world today.

To take a very recent example, a fan recently passed away at a Taylor Swift concert in Rio de Janeiro, as reported by ABC News.

Ana Clara Benevides Machado, a 23-year-old woman from rural Brazil, passed away, and while an official cause of death has yet to be identified, it is likely that the extreme heat in Rio de Janeiro played a role in her passing.

The temperature reached 105 degrees Fahrenheit on the day of the concert, with the heat index reaching 123 degrees Fahrenheit.

will not remember me. I am not the future president of a nation. I will not be inventing the cure for cancer and I will not have any other major accomplishment destined for the history books. I am good with being an average person in the world trying to do more good than bad. However, what I am not good with is being told my voice or my “truths” are not doing enough because they do not match a person’s perspective of me.

Let us talk seriously about the truth. The world is a nightmare. Children are being killed and trafficked all over the world. Conflicts between nations are increasingly in the collective consciousness, forcing conversations about war and the cost of violence.

Cities around the world are sinking into the sea as the effects of climate change continue to increase, according to National Geographic. Everything has become a zero-sum game; either you agree with a person or you become the enemy. I know, I have already written about the cost of conflict this semester, but now it is time to talk about the cost of the truth.

Everyone has their own truth, and their own perspective of reality. When I was in the Army, my First Sergeant liked to say, “Per-

must

truth

must

ception is reality. How people perceive you is reality regardless of if it’s true.” It did not matter how good you were at your job if people perceived you as bad at it. In a perfect world, everyone’s truth would line up in perfect harmony, and people would be perceived as they truly are.

Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. Instead, every truth is created by an individual experience of society. As a community, we understand that; it is why we have social sciences like sociology, international studies, STS (science, technology and society), psychology, even economics and philosophy: entire disciplines dedicated to understanding how other people think, on both the individual level and within a community. As individuals, however, we become extremely judgmental of people who do not think like us.

There are consequences when you tell your truths. Sometimes, those consequences are great: people respect your voice, they agree with you. Other times, you speak up expecting people to hear you and instead your voice gets distorted by other people’s realities. Your call for peace becomes someone else’s act of cowardice. It makes people afraid to speak

prioritize

She reported feeling unwell, at which point she was taken to a first aid tent, and she later died at a hospital. It is unconscionable that in 2023, people should be dying for the sake of experiencing live entertainment. On top of the heat, it was reported by Fox 59 that the stadium did not allow people to bring water bottles or refreshments into the stadium, making it even easier for someone to become dehydrated and sick. In fact, Swift herself had to pause at several moments during the show to throw water bottles into the crowd to fans who were feeling unwell, according to The Independent. During the South American leg of the Eras Tour, the floor section of the stadium is first-come, first-served, so many people were waiting for hours in order to get into the stadium and get a good view of the concert. This begs the question: Where were the stadium workers this whole time, and why were they not handing out water to the concertgoers, both before and during the show? The people who were in charge of the concert knew that it would be warm, and that water, which the concertgoers could not bring in, would be needed.

This is not to cast blame on Swift or her

Page 13

safety

team, or even individual workers; they were likely uninvolved in the stadium’s policies that may have led to the death of Machado. Instead, this is a critique of how organizations plan and implement policies surrounding big events like this. A better system needed to be in place to ensure that the fans at the concert were in a safe and comfortable environment. It is also an example of the fact that during live events (in this case, one that packed almost 70,000 people into one stadium) can quickly go wrong when there are more people than can be safely handled by any organization or overseeing body. It is a perfect formula for people’s needs and safety getting overlooked as a result of the strain on resources. It is also entirely possible that this becomes more of a problem in the future. As the Earth warms and climate change causes more and more natural disasters, events like heat waves and their subsequent effects on people in situations where they are exposed and vulnerable become more and more likely.

The truth is that there are a whole host of events that can be used as a case study on the negative effects of crowding, especially

be

faced

out, afraid to lift their voices up. What if people do not understand? What if they are told they are on the wrong side of history?

We have made consequences so great for people we do not agree with that we have inadvertently silenced people. Maybe some of those people who are not speaking up have less-than-stellar takes on the world, but why do they think that way? Is it better for them to not say anything and let those ideas fester into fanaticism or violence? Or should we be more willing to talk, to find common ground so that issues do not become blackand-white, binary issues? After all, life is not a binary system, so conversations should not be, either.

Talk to each other: in person, outside of class. Talk about your lives, about the hard topics of the world. Talk without judgment or a prepared argument. Listen to what people are saying, ask them why they believe something, not because you want to change their mind but because you want to understand.

You do not have to agree or have conversations that are bad for you on an emotional, mental, spiritual or physical level, but it is okay to be uncomfortable. Just talk, and maybe the consequences will be worth it.

of

attendees

during live events. Some recent ones that come to mind are the Astroworld Festival crowd crush, where 10 people died, according to Billboard, or even the crowd crush in South Korea, where 159 people died, according to The New York Times. Before we have more tragic headlines like this, we must change the way we experience live events.

Being in crowds is usually a safe experience, but it can sometimes devolve into a tragedy. Why do we put up with this?

Another way of experiencing live entertainment must be possible. It may be hard to imagine how this could be. One option could be to safely regulate crowds and events at a government policy level. It is necessary to ensure that there are safety protocols in place for any event over a certain number of people, and to restrict ticket sales to events so that the number of people at an event can be safely managed. Prioritizing ticket sales and packing as many people as possible into a stadium is only going to end poorly.

We should instead look to create a system of regulations which looks to protect and care for everyone while we enjoy live events together.

Image courtesy of Joe Shlabotnik via Creative Commons.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

SPORTS

Page 14

November 30, 2023

Women’s rugby seeks third consecutive national title Continued from RUGBY on page 1 sar boasts an elite program. The team competes at the Division II level despite Vassar’s other sports being Division III, and rugby does not even have the same status as those teams. Officially, Vassar rugby is a varsity club sport, meaning that they have fewer resources for recruiting student-athletes out of high school.

Instead, they encourage students looking for a new activity to give rugby a try.

Showalter did so as a first-year. They remember how different practices were at the height of pandemic restrictions and how their love for the sport grew as those restrictions lessened and the semesters passed.

Now, rugby is an important part of their life that they want to continue after their final two games this weekend.

NFL

Week

Henry France Columnist

A

s we return to campus for the final push before break, NFL teams, too, are gearing up for a last push as playoff spots are taken and seasons are lost. Before the hors d’oeuvres rolled out on Thanksgiving Thursday, the feasting kicked off in the morning with the Green Bay Packers leaving the Detroit Lions hungry, upsetting the division-leading Lions 29-22. Despite their disappointing loss, Detroit’s success thus far is reflective of a larger trend this season. In 2023, we have seen squads completely reinvent themselves, which this most recent NFL week showcased.

The Pittsburgh Steelers fired Matt Canada, their offensive coordinator, after three seasons with the team. Pittsburgh seemed to immediately reap the benefits of this decision, seeing, for the first time in 58 games, 400-plus yards of offensive

“Rugby is no longer the thing I do to get outside and see people,” they said. “It is something I now care deeply about and has definitely become a really important part of my life at Vassar. I hope to keep playing because of how enjoyable the last four years have been.”

Such an experience seems to be what defines Vassar’s program. Led by head coach Tony Brown, who founded both the women’s and men’s program at Vassar nearly 30 years ago and has been coaching ever since, the program makes rugby aficionados out of first-time players and puts a winning team on the field seemingly without fail. Especially in recent years, the team has made winning look easy.

Last year, the team won the national championship with a 38-player roster that

12

sees

production. Still, the Steelers have a lot to prove. The Houston Texans are joining the new-look squad on the shoulders of rookie quarterback CJ Stroud. Stroud has garnered significant praise, with some even saying that the young quarterback should be this year’s Most Valuable Player. Stroud lost momentum this week, going 21-24 against a hot-and-cold Jacksonville Jaguars squad—our fourth unlikely contender. The Jaguars have appeared dangerous, but I do not think they are as daunting as they seem. Despite sitting in first place in the AFC South, the Jaguars have still scored fewer total points than the Indianapolis Colts and Houston Texans, who are second and third place in the division, respectively. The Jaguars can no doubt get into a rhythm behind their solid defense and respectable offense, but the Jaguars (or rather, the cubs) have some maturing to do.

The final rekindled contender is the Denver Broncos. Mortgaging much of their fu-

had 21 players completely new to rugby and only four seniors.

After winning the championship, Brown described the team to The Miscellany News as enthusiastic for a new season—understandably so after such an important accomplishment with an improbable roster.

However, the pursuit of a third championship has not gone off without a hitch, an unsurprising occurrence as a team works to keep its dynastic run intact.

In the opening match of the season, Vassar suffered a lopsided loss to Penn State University. After stringing together three dominant victories, the Brewers dropped a close contest to Columbia University, who they would lose to again in the championship of the Tri-State Conference Playoffs.

Columbia seemed to be a team Vassar

playoff

would need to figure out and defeat in order to win another national championship, but Columbia was eliminated in the Round of 16 of the Fall Championship by the Coast Guard, who Vassar will play for a spot in the championship game.

As the team approaches this semifinal match, Showalter says they are proud of how the team has handled adversity this season. While the team returned a vast majority of their roster, they lost the only players who had played before COVID-19 canceled the 2020 season and were important leaders on the team.

Still, Vassar has been here before—they defeated the Coast Guard to win last year’s national championship. On Saturday, they will look to show that they continue to belong.

race

ture by trading draft picks and young talent for quarterback Russell Wilson and head coach Sean Payton, the Broncos struggled to justify the decision with a rocky start to the season. But Denver has surprised the football world after going on a five-game win streak that they extended with a 29-12 victory against the Cleveland Browns to get back into playoff contention. Sean Payton found his chemistry with Wilson, relying on a more balanced offensive approach that is less focused on throwing the ball.

For now, the emergence of these newlook teams has taken the place of former NFL powerhouses and contenders. Potentially the best examples are the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams.

The Patriots kept it close with the New York Giants on Sunday, but ended up missing a late-game field goal that would have tied the game, losing 7-10.

The Patriots have replaced quarterback Mac Jones in successive poor outings with

escalate

Bailey Zappe, who has not been much better—both quarterbacks threw an interception against the Giants. The Patriots are now 2-9 and at the bottom of the AFC East, sitting below the nauseating New York Jets. Two seasons after winning the Super Bowl, the Rams have fallen off a cliff as they struggle to hang onto a .500 record.

Los Angeles defeated the Arizona Cardinals 37-14, but this outcome is indicative of a larger trend in the NFL today—the bad teams are really bad, and they get beat up on. The Dallas Cowboys look dominant, but they have been winning against really poor teams, with seven of their eight wins against teams below .500.

As the playoff picture is shaping up, I will look back at some past takes and check in on how I predicted the season. Next week, look out for a playoff prediction and forecast check-in. What happened to the Buffalo Bills? Are the Philadelphia Eagles legit?

And who is coming out of the AFC North?

Reviewing the tragic state of New York pro football Nicholas Tillinghast Humor Editor

C

ollectively, New York football in the NFL is 13-20, which could be worse, but all three New York teams had much higher expectations going into the season than what their record shows. Here is the state of New York football organized from worst to marginally better.

Giants What an incompetent team. The Giants opened the season getting squashed 40-0 by the Cowboys, a division rival. They then followed that with a close comeback win against a struggling Arizona Cardinals team and proceeded to lose the next four games, two of which were against the other two floundering New York teams.

Daniel Jones put together a good season last year with the help of new head coach Brian Daboll, who coordinated the Bills offense in prior years. A lot of Daboll’s value last season seemed to be placed on his ability to hone quarterback talents, as he did with Josh Allen and now Jones. But with Jones having played bafflingly bad football for more than a month before getting injured, what value is Daboll adding this season?

It is clear that the Giants have already chalked this season up to being a lost cause.

Daboll will probably stay on for next, but Jones will likely be leaving for a career of play-

ing backup quarterback to teams that are not the Giants. The Giants, arguably, should have moved Jones off years ago. I think Eli Manning’s legacy convinced the Giants franchise into believing that below average quarterback work can still lead to championships. That is almost an impossibility at this point.

Jets During the preseason, the prestigious team from HBO’s “Hard Knocks” docuseries followed the Jets around with cameras. Because of the NFL’s ability to force certain teams into participating in the show, it is unclear whether the Jets even wanted to be involved.

Regardless, being featured on “Hard Knocks’’ is usually pretty good propaganda for a team, showing why they should be successful that season. In the Jets’ case, there were plenty of reasons to believe they would be a competent, playoff-bound team.

Future Hall-of-Famer Aaron Rodgers left the Green Bay Packers for the Jets, as did star running back Dalvin Cook from Minnesota.

Sure, Rodgers is nearly 40, and Cook is on the older side for running backs. But these were still flashy additions, building on a team that already had stars like Quinnen Williems and Sauce Gardner.

The talent was all there; whether or not they could properly use all this talent was really the only question. And that question was suddenly irrelevant when Rodgers got crumpled on his second play of the season.

But look, they won the game anyway! That is a good sign right? Wrong. The Jets have gone 3-7 since that win with two confounding losses against division opponents in the past two weeks. We all thought they would be bad without Rodgers, but no one thought they would play this badly.

With Rodgers injured, Zach Wilson, who seemed all too comfortable taking a light season backing up Rodgers, was back as starting quarterback in game one. He played so badly in subsequent games that Jets legend Joe Namath, out of nowhere, publicly said he wanted the Jets to bench him. Tempers are certainly hot for Jets fans.

Bills The Bills opened the season losing a winnable game against the Jets, and with a few notable exceptions, that has been their standard. The crash of the Bills is the least expected storyline of the New York teams. The Jets and Giants have only recently flirted with success, while the Bills have been playoff regulars for the last four seasons. Their defense, despite missing key players to injuries like Matt Milano and Tre White, has mostly held opposing teams to beatable scoring numbers.

Their offense simply has not executed at their expected level with the likes of Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs. On both sides of the ball, everything has just looked off: too many penalties, drops, interceptions, etc.

Sitting at 6-6, there is still a possibility that

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

they make the playoffs, but after completely screwing up what was supposed to be a lazy river of wins in the middle of the season, they are heading down a raging waterfall with the Chiefs, Cowboys and Chargers ahead. It certainly did not help that they just lost to the Eagles in dramatic fashion.

The Jets and Giants have only recently flirted with success, while the Bills have been playoff regulars for the last four seasons.

Looking Ahead For the Giants, a new quarterback will be the thing to watch for next season, so they are essentially entering an offensive rebuild.

For the Jets, Rodgers will supposedly be back soon, so even if they do not make it to the playoffs, fans can at least watch the offense they were promised at the start of the season as a preview for next year. For the Bills, whether they make and succeed in the playoffs matters a lot, simply because regressing that hard could mean serious offseason moves.

While some questions remain unanswered for all the New York franchises, something definitive is that it has been a tough watch this year for fans of all three teams.

November 30, 2023

SPORTS

Page 15

VSA certifies Vassar College Club Tennis as pre-org Caris Lee

Copy Editor

T

he Josselyn House tennis courts were bare without their nets, and the sun was already beginning its early descent into the autumnal night. But with a couple of rolls of duct tape from My Market to construct the outline of the nets and an enthusiastic attitude, Vassar College Club Tennis (VCCT) was still able to make practice possible. Even if just for a few hours, VCCT relished in the remaining light of the day, playing casual games with other students who all share the same love and passion for the sport of tennis.

“The main aspect of VCCT is just how amazingly fun this whole thing is,” Anders Hansen ’26, a member of the VCCT Executive Board, greeted as he entered the court and saw the impromptu nets. “The fact that we came out here and put duct tape on the poles, like come on—it’s dedication. What other club is like that? We don’t let anything stop us.”

VCCT recently established itself as a preorg a few weeks ago after Executive Board members Nathan Hart ’26, Madeleine Nicks ’26, Leela Khatri ’26, Jonas Davis ’24 and Hansen played informally last semester. Though intramural tennis exists as an option for tennis enthusiasts, VCCT acknowledged that this was just not enough tennis for them.

Intramural tennis only offers doubles tennis with no singles option. Players must be paired with a partner, and if they did not have one, they would be paired with a partner at random. It is one set to eight, roughly equivalent to a 30-minute event once a week.

If a pair forfeits the match, then that is the match for the week, leaving a fairly good possibility that no tennis will be played for some. Additionally, the matches are held at inconvenient times ranging from Mondays 8 to 10 p.m. or select Sundays from 6 to 8 p.m. For those who have been playing most of their lives, they simply want more consistent play. Several VCCT members enjoy intramural tennis as a “side hustle,” but their desire to play more tennis was a common sentiment.

“We believe we are really filling a gap at the school in terms of a tennis community,” Nicks expressed. “We have met so many people that play casually through different ways, and it is great to be able to give an option for people to just be hitting throughout the week.”

“We all have been playing tennis for six plus years—a lot of our lives. To go here where there are no options besides 40 minutes every week for a month, we wanted to play more. And you lose it quickly when you don’t play,” commented Hart. “We heard there was no club tennis or anything here for casual play, and we were horrified by it.

When you have been playing consistently for around 13 years and then have to stop—it’s sad.”

And thus, VCCT was formed to foster this community of students who wanted to come out for more than 30-minutes a week, meet

fellow tennis players and have fun in a relaxed, carefree environment.

Khatri added, “If you miss playing tennis— and something that intramural doesn’t really offer—we are consistent. We really like playing. I think that is a big difference, too.”

Practices are led by the group, and, depending on the amount of people and their preference, traditional singles or doubles

“If you miss playing tennis—and something that intramural doesn’t really offer—we are consistent. We really like playing. I think that is a big difference, too.” matches can be played or students can bring in different games they know and share it with the group. For example, Champion of the Court, played in either singles or doubles, is where players will challenge the “champion” on the other side of the court. If the challenger wins, they replace the “champion”; if not, a new challenger comes in. Another game played is Dingles, where four players on the court will play a singles point by rallying diagonally cross-court. When one of the players misses the ball and their rally ends, they yell out, “Dingles!” and the remaining ball in play turns into a doubles point with all four players involved.

“We believe we are really filling a gap at the school in terms of a tennis community,” Nicks expressed. “We have met so many people that play casually through different ways, and it is great to be able to give an option for people to just be hitting throughout the week.”

Furthermore, one does not need to be familiar with these games or be experienced with tennis at all to join VCCT. Newcomers are welcome to come to practices where VCCT can teach them how to play and eventually, with a larger budget from VSA, provide rackets as well. VCCT hopes to purchase more equipment and play matches against other schools in the future. They aspire to be more than just a hitting club but rather a club team that travels to other club tennis teams in the area to play official matches. With the community they have built through an extensive email list and word of mouth, VCCT feels confident that their club can only prosper from here.

“I feel like the culture of tennis players is usually intense, high-strung men, and we have none of that going on here,” Nicks importantly noted. “It’s important to me as someone who has trained in that kind of environment, as did several members of the Executive Board, that we have something that feels really open and fun and silly. We stay silly.”

To put it succinctly: VCCT is low commitment and high fun, low pressure and high support. Upcoming practices will be held from 3 to 5 p.m. on Saturday Dec. 2 and Dec. 9 with no sign ups required. On the courts, with music playing from a speaker and cheering from the players as the duct tape nets held their own, it was clear that everyone truly was having a blast. As the sky darkened and the ball became more difficult to make out, Nicks declared, “Last point!” to the collective response of “I can still see!” And as a ball shot her way, narrowly missing her head, Nicks smiled as she remarked, “If they had lights on this court, we would be here all night.”

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Image courtesy of VCCT.

Image courtesy of VCCT.

CROSSWORD

Page 16

November 30, 2023

The Miscellany Crossword

By Sadie Keesbury

“6N” ACROSS 1. Steak sauce 5. Taboos 6. Brokovich and Andrews, for two 7. Make amends 8. “I _____ marathon!”

DOWN 1. Heart part 2. The _____, satirical newspaper 3. Italian grandma 4. Latin to be 5. Not far

“Wild Run” ACROSS 1. This might chase 8A 4. Where you are on a flight 6. This might chase cheese 7. Hathaway and “of Green Gables” for two 8. This might chase 4A

DOWN 1. Scare 2. French River 3. Tests for higher education 4. Apple desktop 5. Prefix meaning “nine”

Answers to last week’s puzzles:

By Sadie Keesbury “Hint”

“Places”

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE