Child & Adolescent Services
Suicide in Children by Mary M. Kreitz, LPC
Mary M. Kreitz, LPC
Mary M. Kreitz, LPC, CDCA has over 20 years of experience working in the field of behavioral health. She is currently the lead therapist for the Trauma Program at Child & Adolescent Behavioral Health, is a member of the Stark County Trauma and Resiliency Committee and is a member of the Unity Coalition to Dismantle Racism in Stark County.
ticles about suicide that include lists of risk factors and warning signs. These lists were compiled out of desire to identify who is at risk so that we can intervene before anyone gets hurt. Unfortunately, research shows that these lists aren’t very useful in predicting which specific individuals will think about suicide and which ones will make an attempt. The truth is that lots of stressful life events can increase a person’s risk for suicide. Suicide is never the result of just one bad thing that happened. People reach a point of thinking about suicide when they are experiencing so much psychological pain that they come to believe the only way to end their pain (or the burden they believe they have become to others) is through ending their life.
you can handle hearing whatever it is they have to say. If you have even the tiniest suspicion that your child might be suicidal, ask them about it. Don’t be afraid that bringing it up will backfire by planting the suggestion in their brain. It doesn’t work that way. If they aren’t thinking about suicide, they’ll let you know. If they are, then you’ve just opened the door to talking about it and getting them the help they need.
How to ask about it
Asking a person if they’re thinking about suicide is hard. Most of the time When we talk about when we’re asking the suicide, usually the disquestion, we are also cussion is about teens thinking inside our heads, and young adults. In fact, “Please say no. Please say many people believe that no. Please say no.” No younger children aren’t one wants a person they capable of intentionally The best way to know if care about to be suicidal. ending their own lives your child (or any child) is But we have to be brave because they assume at risk is to communicate enough to ask, because that children don’t really directly with the child. understand what it means Know what is going on in asking just might save that person’s life. to be dead. Unfortunately, their life, whether they’re A person who is suicidal this type of thinking is not under a lot of stress or might not be able to volonly incorrect, but also having a rough time. dangerous. Notice changes in the way unteer that information. They can’t walk up to you your child behaves and and say, “I really need reacts and notice when that changes – when they your help. I’m thinking about killing myself.” aren’t acting like themPre-adolescent children However, many people selves. Talk to your child. can and do die by suicide. who have attempted suiNot just when problems According to data from are occurring (if you wait cide and survived reportthe National Center for until then to start talking, ed afterward that they had Injury Prevention and been hoping desperately you’re already too late), Control, suicide is the but talk to them regularly. that someone would noeighth leading cause of tice and ask them. Be that Listen. Listen carefully. death for children ages someone who asked. Too often, parents min5-11 years. Research has imize their child’s probThere is no one right way shown that by age nine, lems (“Oh it can’t be that to ask. You can weave it most children have a bad”), rush to try to fix into the conversation: thorough understanding things (“Well all you need “You seem to be in a lot of both death and suicide. to do is . . .”), listen halfof pain right now. SomeRegardless, it isn’t necesway while also trying to times when people are in sary to be able to fully undo something else, or get that much pain, they think derstand what it means to distracted by disapproval about killing themselves. be dead in order to engage (“You did what?”). When Are you thinking of that?” in actions that could result that happens, children You can ask directly: “Are in death. don’t feel safe being open you thinking about killing and honest. The only way yourself?” What you don’t to get them to really tell want to do is ask in a way you what is going on in that telegraphs to them their life is to show them that you want them to say that they have your undiNo: “You aren’t thinking You can find lots of arvided attention and that
The hard truth
How to know if your child is at risk
4
Bulldog Bulletin
of killing yourself, are you?” And you don’t want to ask in a way that passes judgment: “You’re not thinking of doing anything stupid, are you?”
False alarms
going through and listen. You don’t have to fix their problems. Just listen and show that you care. 2. Tell them that you love them, and you want them to stay alive. This may be an obvious one to you, but it’s not obvious to a person who is suicidal. They need to hear the words.
Because we are talking about children here, it is necessary to acknowledge that children sometimes say things they don’t mean. It isn’t that unusual 3. Get professional help. for a child who is upset Call the National to say something like, “I Suicide Prevention hate my life! I wish I was Lifeline (800-273-8255) dead!” If this happens or text 741741 for free, with your child, don’t professional help 24/7. automatically dismiss it. They aren’t just there to There may be a pretty help the person who is good chance that the child suicidal. They can supis being dramatic. Howport you and help you ever, something is going through this difficult on. After your child has conversation with your calmed down, go back and child. check in, “Is that some4. Follow up by calling a thing you really think local counseling or beabout?” If it is not, help havioral health agency your child to find other, to begin services for more accurate words to your child. express the intense emotions they were feeling. 5. Take care of yourself. Your child is going to need you. This isn’t an easy conversation for any parent to have. Use If your child tells you that your self-care strategies they are thinking about and resources to take suicide, there are several care of yourself so that important steps to take you can continue to be next: there for your child. 1. Ask them to tell you about what they’re
What if they say yes?
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