LAUGHING MATTERS
LAUGHING MATTERS YOU’RE FROM COLORADO IF…
You don’t think Coors beer is that big of a deal.
Submitted by Gloria Vance
You went to Casa Bonita as a kid.
You’ll eat ice cream in the winter.
You’ve gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
When the weather report says it’s going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt. It snows 5 inches and you don’t expect school to be canceled.
You always know the elevation of where you are.
You wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
You wake up to a beautiful 80-degree day and wonder if it’s going to snow tomorrow.
You have no accent at all, but can hear other people’s. And then you make fun of them.
You don’t care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High.
“Humid” is over 25 percent.
Everybody wears jeans to church.
Your sense of direction is “toward” the mountains and “away” from the mountains.
You actually know that South Park is a real place not just a show on TV.
You say “the interstate” and everybody knows which one.
You know what a “trust fund hippy” is and you know its natural habitat is Boulder.
You know what the Continental Divide is.
A bear on your front porch doesn’t bother you.
You call it Elitches, not Six Flags.
Your two favorite teams are the
Broncos and whoever is beating the Raiders (and the Patriots). When people out East tell you that they have mountains in their state, too, you just laugh. You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels “sticky” and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
TRICK TO WEIGHT LOSS Submitted by Cooper Hansen Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. He said, “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should’ve lost at least five pounds.” When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having dropped nearly 20 pounds. “That’s amazing!” the doctor said. “You did this just by following my instructions?” The slimmed-down Mr. Johnson nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
Making Your Life Easier!
“From hunger, you mean,” the doctor said. “No,” Mr. Johnson replied, “from skipping.”
COPS AND ROBBERS Submitted by Terry Mercer As three, rowdy 8-year-old boys played cops and robbers throughout the house, Ray-Ray encountered Mom in the kitchen. She was instructed to put up her hands in defeat, and then told to give up all her money. When the lady of the house said that she didn’t have any money, the robber replied, “Okay, well give me all your food stamps!”
FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES Submitted by Bob Dobbins The subject of the preacher’s Sunday sermon was “forgive your enemies.” After a long sermon, he asked the congregation how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he harangued for
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