Finally, I Woke Up!
ERROL TOLBERT
Creator of Single-ish https://www.facebook.com/groups/791730968008981/
E
ver had that dream that is so good you get mad when you wake up? After 53 years, I finally woke up. In my 20s, 30s, and even my early 40s I realized I was living a dream. A dream that I didn’t have to worry about love. A dream where growing old alone was never a thought. It didn’t even matter that I had no children to carry my name, but here I am, in my early 50s, and I finally woke up to realize that the reality of my life was nothing but a dream. Now that I no longer yearn for onenight stands or getting as much sex as possible, I find myself kicking myself in the rear. Most of my closest friends have married and have families. The peace and calm they have when I speak to them makes me low-key jealous. To have another human being that you can have daily conversations with and work together to better their lives is all I ever wanted. For far too long, I did what was easy instead of what was right for my heart.
THE OTHER WOMAN
A year ago, I changed my diet and lost 40 lbs. I started putting myself on a sleep schedule and holding myself accountable for my life. Now, I am back in the gym and getting fit - for me. At first, I didn’t think much about it, but one morning it hit me. I was finally waking up. I realized that my happiness was my responsibility. My well-being was all on me. Certain types of women were no longer attractive to me. I found myself no longer looking for the path that would lead to meaningless sex. Gone were the days of accepting drama as love or attraction. Now I can finally say, “I am at peace!" I withdrew from the places, people, and things that only gave me superficial joy and made myself a priority. I never realized just how much of my past happiness was about other people who couldn't care less about my true happiness. I thought making myself available for other people was what my life was supposed to be about. Boy, was I wrong! Sometimes waking up or finally seeing the light is scary. I realize this now. We often are afraid of being alone or not being well-liked. We hold on to relationships far longer than they were intended to be held on to. For me, finally waking up has been a breath of fresh air. I no longer thirst for just sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex. I just realized I love making love even more. I miss the passion and intimacy that you can only truly find when you are in love.
Once I woke up, I could see that I am not some unique individual that every woman wants. Sometimes women just want sex just like I did. For some, they viewed me as an easy target for what they were looking for, but I convinced myself it was because I was some smooth operator. Finally waking up has brought me back down to earth. I no longer want to be seen as a “good screw," I want to be viewed and respected as the man my father tried to raise me to be. Finally waking up has brought about a happiness in my life that I haven’t felt in decades. Gone are the days when I thought having numerous sexual conquests was a sign of mastering being a man. Gone are the days of accepting people around me just because I benefit them. Waking up isn’t a death sentence. Think about it as a commencement. The beginning of experiencing true happiness and peace. I am not happy about waiting till I was in my 50s to finally wake up, I am still thankful that I finally did. Whether I have 20 days or 20 years left on this earth. I can approach every day with a sense of happiness and peace. Finally, I woke up!
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