“It is my mission to help you discover the silenced and often suppressed woman resting within and infuse a desire to live courageously without reservation or regrets.”
The Other Woman
How Did I Get Here?
laVender shedrick williams Creator/Publisher of The Other Woman (TOW)
https://www.facebook.com/lavender.williams
photo credit - The Ugly Goat
In this season of my life, I thought my journey would be as the Commodores sang it - easy like Sunday morning. I saw myself writing books with an occasional glass of wine, meeting my sisters for brunch, and planning weekend excursions to places where no one knew my name. My reality is not far from my desired life. Wine? I whine every day to whoever will listen. My weekend excursions are in my bed getting R&R (rest and recovery) because I'm too damn tired to do anything else. Writing? I get it in when I can.
My time is not my own. I'm the grandmother to two high-energy toddler boys (and one on the way) who call me Venda. My care for the two muffin munchers is temporary and only God knows how much I miss my life but at the same time, I wouldn't want my grandguys to be anywhere else except with me. How did I get here? I feel like I've returned to my young mothering days with potty training, changing diapers, play days at the park, and homeschooling. Many women would love a second chance to do it all over again. Not me! Once was enough. This is supposed to be my time. What happened to my life? Well, as much as I deny it, this is my life. I see friends on social media socializing, taking trips, and looking fantastic while I'm looking like someone's tired grandma with a head rag covering my severely neglected hair.
If we're honest, none of us are where we thought we'd be (regardless of the season we're in). No one is absent from a portion of frustration or discontent. There are lessons to learn and growth involved in the challenging and sometimes difficult times of life. I remind myself that no one is coming to rescue me. It's laVender's big girl panty season, so roll your sleeves up, hold your breath, and change the shitty diaper - again. I have to encourage myself throughout the day and gird up for whatever the day brings. Being a grandmother is only a fraction of my life. I'm a divorcee, entrepreneur, mother, sister, and daughter to aging parents. My father is also living with Dementia. My list of hats I wear goes on as I'm sure yours does.
I'm selfish with my time and I also remind myself that my time is, in fact, not my time at all. I'm a steward of the time gifted to me. Gratitude and less complaining are what I need to practice. One day my three-year-old grandson told me I saved his life. I'm not sure if he understood the magnitude of his words, but I know what they meant to me. He saved my life because all I ever did was sit in front of my laptop and be the workaholic I am. It's not until our time is taken away that we miss it or declare we'd be doing something else with it.
Life will have its way no matter how hard we try to manipulate it. Life will ALWAYS WIN. We also win when we stop resisting what life deals and we play the hand we've been dealt. As for me, I've been soaking up more Vitamin D than I ever have, I don't rot behind my laptop, and with all the bending, squatting, stooping jumping, hopping, and dancing I do to "Hokey Pokey" and "If You're Happy and You Know It", I'm one fit and flexible Grandma Venda!
laVender shedrick williams
Copyright – The Other Woman (TOW)is published three times a year by Candy Publishing, an independent publishing company located in Montgomery, AL. Copyright 2020. All materials are protected by copyright laws. No material contained in this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Contact Candy Publishing ATTN: The Other Woman P.O. Box 9083 Montgomery, AL 36108. Printed in the United States.
YOU ARE ENOUGH
The Other Woman is published by Candy Publishing. www.theotherwomanmagazine.com
Interested in submitting your story?
View our submission guidelines on The Other Woman Magazine website! https://theotherwomanmagazine.com/ contact/
Julia T. Cadenhead (CAPT, CHC, USN (Ret.)
10 What We Expect Of Ourselves
Brittany Leigh Davis
12 Walk!
Lara McKnight
32 The Backside Of Motherhood Lifestyle
20 Taking A Dip At 70
21 In The Blink Of An Eye Love and Marriage
35 Cougar Confession
41 Do I Need A Man?
From A Man's Mind
42 The Woes Of Getting Old
47 An Unmasked Mind
48 Interview With Lance Hester
26 Are You Stuck?
28 Her Edition
30 Back Cover Model Interview
to the Improv
Understanding Women: Their Bodies LITERALLY Go Through Seasons
Tarah Gordon
Some days it seems just downright awful and mean, doesn’t it?
But as I have begun researching and learning for myself about a woman’s body, I have found myself fascinated and just in awe of how miraculous it truly is!
Women’s bodies follow the same seasons as nature. Every year we have a spring, summer, fall, and winter. These seasons stick with us until the end of our time. There are four seasons, but they overlap into one another just as winter makes an appearance right in the middle of a beautiful spring week (Especially here in Colorado). Or just like spring will surprise you with a downpour right in the middle of summer (Ever been to the Pacific Northwest?) It’s not the same in every state, but you get the idea.
In the same way, there are 4 seasons in a woman’s life, there are also 4 seasons to her monthly cycle (which can be just as irregular as winter in springtime, haha). You see! We are so complex, and beautifully made (Psalm 139:14)!
Sisters, this may come a little out of left field here, but have you ever wondered why God made our bodies to experience monthly cycles?
And because of that complexity, let’s start with an overview of the four seasons of a woman’s life*:
Season #1: Pre-adolescence –When our child body develops quickly and sometimes awkwardly. These years set the foundation of how we perceive ourselves. From infants to toddlers to little girls we are morphing into more of ourselves and developing into the women we are today.
Season #2: Adolescence –
This is the season where we are now able to bear children. It involves massive hormonal changes, which can be difficult, and often includes weight gain, breakouts, and huge inner struggles.
This is where we begin asking questions like, “Who am I? What makes me valuable? Where do I fit in?” This season makes up the longest season of a woman’s life. Oy.
Season #3: Pre-menopause –
During this season a woman’s body can change almost as dramatically as when we first entered into puberty (Season 2). This season can be fraught with trouble sleeping, hot flashes, irregular bleeding, strong
emotions, etc.
According to Staci Eldredge, author of “Becoming Myself,” says research shows hot flashes can last up to 10 years! Ohh, man.
In this season many women begin to remember what they wanted to learn and become when they were young and not sidetracked by taking care of others. This is the time to get back to your own.
Season #4: Menopause –
You no longer have a menstrual cycle. The childbearing days are over. Interestingly I have heard that this is a really wonderful season for a woman.
Her creativity soars, her desires she laid aside to raise a family come back into focus, and her selfdoubt and self-criticism may no longer hold the power they held when she was younger.
In correlation to the 4 seasons of a woman’s life, there are 4 weeks to a woman’s cycle, 28 days:
Continue Reading - https:// tarahandgordon.com/seasons-of-awomans-body/
12 Reasons Why You Feel Like There’s Not Enough Time
In a Day
1. Not rising early
2.Not getting enough sleep
3. Multitasking a lot
4.Not tracking or budgeting your time
5. Not being organized
6. Not prioritizing
7. Being easily distracted
8. Not having a daily routine
9.Being too concerned with being first
10. Not reviewing your schedules regularly
11. Being negative and having bad attitudes
12. Not saying 'No'
Given our busy routines, we often feel like there is not enough time in the day to relax or finish the impending tasks. To add balance to your daily routines and at the same time find spare time for yourself to relax is important. Having a consistent routine, prioritizing your tasks as well as keeping a check and balance on yourself can help you eliminate the sense of “I don’t feel like I have time for this!” and restore balance in your life. Read the article in its entirety - https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/10-reasons-why-some-people-feellike-they-dont-have-enough-time.html
What We Expect Of Ourselves
JULIA T. CADENHEAD, CAPT. CHC. USN (Ret.)
Many of us live in a culture that directs us to be all you can be – honest, forthright, direct. . . know your mind, succeed. Yes. I agree and do my best to practice these wisdom life-makers. But, sometimes, maybe when I’m tired or disappointed, frustrated or, maybe even just bored. Things seem to change. Uncertainty, selfdoubt, fear can take hold.
Scripture is replete with references to the human condition “all flesh is like grass…the grass withers
and the flower fades away. . .” However, the imagery is not about imperfection; it’s actually about transformation. For example, ever used this phrase to comfort someone: It’s okay sweetie, “we can’t do it all.” This isn’t about giving up, giving in, quitting.
We’ve all heard this dilemma: forgetting where your glasses are only to find them pushed back on the top of your head. What would be your response? - I’m stupid; frustrated, angry. Thing is, we are best served when we find ways to turn such events into useful insight not mere blame.
Consider this option, why not just pause and take a deep breath. It’s not a matter of giving up, giving in or quitting. Breathing can slow us down and give room for ‘new’ observations. And, it can make room for more realistic self-expectations. Maybe, even inspiration. Turn it into something good.
We know that culture isn’t all that matters and that spiritual realities have much to offer: Did you know that the biblical reference to God creating the world is based on the concept which means ‘breathing room”? Yep. Too complex to define here, but something like, God breathed the world into being. (e.g., created).
Sometimes it is good to just stop, take a breath and allow the Spirit of God to enlighten our understanding of ourselves. Perhaps, help us free ourselves of the bondage of being imperfect, of insecurity, of silly mistakes.
By the way, I have real trouble with the phrase “age gracefully.” Go figure. Fine; I’ll buy some wrinkle crème. I will keep moving, breathing and seeking guidance via the Holy Spirit of our Good Lord. I invite you to do so, too. As the scripture says, “But those who wait upon the LORD will renew . . .”. Read Isaiah 41:10ff.
Stop DOing and enjoy BEing
WALK
Iwas inspired by the beautiful weather and my daily walking breaks (while at work) and hope i can encourage others to do the same!
This is your daily reminder to get up and take a walk! Take 15 minutes out of your day to find a path outside and get some fresh air! Walking is so important to your health. You don’t even have to do anything extreme just put one foot in front of the other and walk. Taking this time for yourself is so beneficial not only for your health but also for your sanity. Besides the obvious health benefits walking provides, it also gives you a moment to get away from work, your everyday life, and troubles. Walking gives your mind some time to pause and enjoy the beauty of God’s great work. So, press pause, find a path, listen to the birds chirp, feel the cool breeze blow on your face, and look up at that bright, beautiful sky while you get your lap and steps in. Your body and your mind will thank you for giving them the time they need. You got this!!
Brittany Leigh Davis
Join the Journey
“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”
Mandy Hale
Change happens to us all. Embrace it.
Many of us are living a life we didn't choose. We all have a list of things that shouldn't have happened. Those experiences have caused us a lot of pain.
Despite all that I've been through, I still have the strength to make real changes in my life. I can find myself again. Give myself permission to try new things.
Even if life doesn't look how I thought it would, it doesn't mean that I can't learn to love my life.
The outcomes and experiences on this new path can pleasantly surprise me.
An attachment to what I cannot control will keep me fully embracing the blessings I do have.
I have the opportunity to redefine my life. Embrace it.
WiLLiemae Dixon author, life transformation consultant, speaker
WhAt If Age WAsn't About A number but About hoW you LIve your LIfe? Are you LIvIng or exIstIng?
there Are 80-yeAr-oLds more ActIve thAn some 40-yeAr-oLds.
A 50-yeAr-oLd cAn be consIdered oLd If they Are unhAppy, constAntLy compLAIn, And WAtch LIfe from the sIdeLInes.
LIfe s A prIvILege. tIme Is A Luxury.
tIme WILL not WAIt for you to fInd hAppIness. tIme WILL not WAIt for you to foLLoW your dreAms. tIme WILL not WAIt for you to get heALthy And ActIve. tIme WAIts for no one. use tIme to your AdvAntAge And embrAce every seAson of your one LIfe.
The OTher WOman
Q. When did you realize you were funny and could make others laugh?
A. I remember being in kindergarten and making jokes. Probably because home life was pretty tough and laughter was my escape. It made people like me.
Q. Have you always wanted to do standup comedy?
A. By the time I was a teenager, I started watching stand-up comedians, the classic ones like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, and Robin Williams. I wondered how great it would be to be up on stage. I would daydream about being up there. Pretending to tell jokes into my hairbrush while home alone. That being said, it never occurred to me that I could do that. In my mind, those types of dreams were out of reach. Not for people like me from an impoverished background, a mother of four children by the time I was 19 years old, and a substance abuser.
Q. Was your desire for comedy detoured?
A. The passion for it never left. It's almost as if stand-up was always in my spirit. I constantly watched comedy. As I grew older my humor seemed to attract most
" My parents always told me that I don't have to say everything that comes into my head. Little did they know, that character flaw would turn into something beautiful."
The Golden Years Prepare The Stage For Kristie Obra
people. I would get told "You are so funny!" or "You should be a comedian" all of the time. I just knew I was funny. It was a perfect escape and a great way to break the ice when meeting someone, especially as I was severely insecure. I used it to grow personally and professionally.
Comedy and humor also stayed with me during dark times, through the challenges of sobriety and raising my children. Through the healing after a serious car accident and getting through my father's passing in 2020.
It is the smiles and the laughs that not only come out of my own mouth but from those friends and family around me that made the light shine on the path I was destined to take.
Fast forward decades later, the last of my seven children turned 18 (they are twin girls). I had reached a comfortable level in my career, conquered substance abuse, was a domestic violence survivor, and was more content than I had ever been. I realized on their 18th birthday, it was MY turn.
I was going to do things I always dreamed of doing, and I was going to do them without fear. I was going to turn a blind eye to past trauma telling me I couldn't do something. I was going to get on stage at a comedy club. I thought, if I
fail that's okay, because the regret of not trying would be much harder to handle.
Q. Who inspired you to pursue your talent?
A. My first inspiration was my mother, but not in the way you would think. She is hilarious. Always has been, but stifled her humor to fit in. That always stuck with me. I always felt sorry for her.
Q. How did your first on-stage opportunity present itself?
A. I reached out to the local Improv and asked about their open mic shows. When a date was set, I took out a notebook that I always keep around writing down jokes and started to create my first comedy set. I arranged and rearranged, and worked on the tone and volume of the jokes. If it was off in any way, I worked on it day and night until it felt "right".
Q. Did you have any fears or reservations about being on stage?
A. The night of the first show I was anxious and excited, but not nervous. It's like I knew it was supposed to be this way. Behind the stage, I waited. I listened to the other comics and practiced square
breathing in the corner because my heart felt like it was coming out of my chest! And then, I stepped on stage. The moment I spoke my first word into the microphone and saw everyone in the audience, every fear, every doubt, and every second thought disappeared. My spirit was home. In nearly 50 years it was the first time in my life that I felt authentic. There was no imposter syndrome. There was no wondering if anyone liked me, there was me and the stage and the audience. I could talk without thinking people were looking down on me. I was, without shame or fear, I was finally being myself.
Q. How does your family feel about you being on stage?
A. My husband and loved ones were amazingly supportive. They are at every show cheering me on, good or bad.
Q. Do you regret starting this journey later in life?
A. Sometimes. But then I realize I am exactly where and who I am supposed to be. It is the trauma and the challenges I have faced that allow me to see humor in dark places. It is the judgment from society I have endured that takes away apprehension. It is all of the brutality and ugliness in moments that combine with a love of a good life that I can express in a way that people understand. Now I can get in touch with all colors, classes,
and genders and tell stories that are relatable because I've been at both the bottom and the top.
Q. Any future goals as a comedian?
A. I know that I will keep doing it. Not because I want the fame, but because it soothes my soul. It is my way of expressing myself in a way that makes people laugh. I'll never run out of material. Every day whether at home or out and about, something makes me laugh, that I can turn into a joke. My imagination with a situation takes every situation to the extreme and turns it into this hilarious dream.
Q. What is your occupation?
A. By day I am a Vendor Manager at an Asset Recovery Firm. I've been in the logistics industry now for nearly 30 years. I love what I do partially because I get to speak with different people every day and it is my job to build relationships. I do that through humor and a sincere quest to make a personal connection with my vendors.
Q. What would you tell other women who may want to venture out but are fearful of judgment or fearful of trying something new?
A. There is nothing stronger than your spirit. It constantly talks to you. Whether you come from poverty or wealth, if you are black or white, gay or straight, it remains the self "authentic". It doesn't see those titles, it only knows where your passion is and does its best to guide
you to a place where you can use your passion. In my case it was comedy. I do everything I can daily to be "uncomfortable".Your job is boring but you are afraid to apply for one you think you can't handle? Apply for it! Want to try a new dress but worry about the back of your arms being large? Wear it! Afraid to talk to the president of the company about ideas? Say it!
"MAKE YOURSELF AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE! Every day is an opportunity to jump! It's a chance to grow. Get past the fear, get past the naysayers, and listen to your spirit. "
tAKIng A dIp At 70
alexandra njynski adou
"She was panicking like she had just died and been brought back to life."
my mother, Dr. Lillie Ford Linear, has always for as long as I can remember had an adventurous spirit. I remember once when we lived at my Army duty station in Tacoma Washington around 1998, I hired an exterminator company to set up mouse traps in the crawl of my house. I put on some overalls and did the military low crawl in the crawl space with the contractors to ensure that they completed the work correctly. I told my mother about what happened and a couple of hours later she asked to see the work as well. I gave her my overalls. I put on some old clothes and took her low crawling under the house checking mouse traps. She was 51 years old at the time. She speaks on that event now as it’s unbelievable that she even did such a thing.
Let’s move forward about 11 years to 2009 when I convinced my mother to go white water rafting with me along the Chattanooga River. I asked her to call and make reservations for a Class four level. My willy-nillycrazy mother unknowingly made reservations for a Class six which is for advance rafters. I wasn’t aware of the level until we began the run. Anyway, halfway through our run we came upon a level four rapid and the guide asked my mother to move to the middle of the raft for her safety. The guide gave everyone
a demonstration before takeoff on how to change positions in the raft once on the water. You must stay in a low squat to move to another position in the raft. Not my mother. When she prepared to move from the edge of the raft to the middle, she stands straight up and was promptly thrown out of the raft. She went under water, popped back up instantly because of type five vest she was wearing, and she also hit her helmet which thankfully covered her head against the rock wall. We rowed to her and pulled her back into the raft. She was panicking like she had just died and been brought back to life. We finally got her calmed down and continued. When we reached the level six rapid, she and a couple of other rafters decided to get out and walk across that one along the banks of the river and rejoin the raft after passing the level six rapid. The other rafters to include me road the level six rapid, of course, with much success. Ever since this experience my mother has had a tremendous fear of water.
Now let’s jump forward to 2023 when at the age of 75 my mother informs me that she has signed up for swimming lessons at the local YMCA and wants me to join her. I looked at her in total dismay and said, “What did you ask me? Lillie said she felt that it was time for her to face her fear of water. I asked her what made her want to do it now at this age. I believed that she was too old to learn to swim. My mother replied, “you never get too old to learn”.
Also, she was in fairly good health and didn’t know how much longer God would bless her to walk this earth so why not learn now. I was extremely skeptical about this endeavor and thought this is something I would have to see. She began group lessons in March of that year for a six-week session with four other students. I went and sat on the sideline to support her. The instructor had to divide her time amongst four other students within a one-hour time frame. My mother didn’t accomplish much of anything during that six-week session because she almost drowned in four feet of water and the lifeguard on duty had to rescue her. LOL Due to this mishap and her fear of water we decided that she required more personalized attention. Hence, during her next six-week session, she signed up for private lessons. She’s moving at a snail’s pace but making decent strides in getting over her fear of water. She’s gone from 100% fear of water to about 40% today. It took her a good bit of time to learn the basics like how to stand up in water from a forward and backwards float position which she can accomplish at a 80% success rate. She’s currently just started working on swimming backwards with her arms fluttering to her side. Not the backstroke. I did join her once she began private lessons even though we’re at different skill set levels. We took a break due to travels but will begin again in March 2024. Swimming is on Lillie’s bucket list, and she’s determined to master it.
In the Blink of an Eye
rosie l shedrick
Is there something you enjoy doing and have a desire to pursue? Maybe start a business or start a new hobby? I always wanted to be a creative dancer and at 84 years old, I still like dancing. My dad liked to dance and I believe I was born with music in my bones.
I also wanted to own a flower shop because I love flowers and arranging them. I enjoyed creating floral arrangements for my daughters' weddings. I also enjoy cooking and sewing, but my passion was doing hair. If I could have, I would've done hair 24/7.
I can do a lot of things but can only do one thing at a time. Women are natural creatives and we may find ourselves exhibiting several talents and gifts. Life goes by fast, so I encourage you to not sit on your craft. Make your dreams come true! Out of all the things I enjoy doing, hair was at the top of the list and I'm blessed to have owned a successful beauty salon.
I always wondered what I would be doing in my golden years. I wondered if I would do things I didn't have the opportunity to do while raising children. My husband always wanted to go mountain climbing but we never did. I am now my husband's caretaker. My husband, my friend, my partner for life is living with Dementia. Life really is like a box of chocolates and you don't
know what you're going to get. Your life can change upside down in the blink of an eye. Our lives have changed drastically. Now, we try to embrace the good moments and not be discouraged.
As a woman in her 80s, I don't look at time the same way I did when I was a younger woman. An older woman has experienced more life. we've had more family and friends pass away, and what mattered to us at 30, 40, and 50 doesn't matter as much anymore.
One of many things that I've learned on my journey is to take care of myself, so I can continue to take care of my husband plus my grandchildren and great grandchildren. My daughters tell me I try to help everybody. While I am alive and strong, I will always help my loved ones. I find joy in helping others.
I strongly encourage younger women to take care of themselves. Be physically prepared for whatever life delivers. Exercise! I walk as often as I can even if it's around my neighborhood. Change your diet if needed and do some things you enjoy doing while you're able. Read and educate yourself and make life what you want it to be (the best you can) with whatever circumstances you're living with. Don't forget to laugh. Laughter is good for the soul. As you age, your friends are aging too. Check on your friends, love your loved ones, do a good deed, put on some lipstick and live your best life!1
Our lives have changed drastically. Now, we try to embrace the good moments and not be discouraged.
brIngIng out the gIrL In you
MAMIE’S ANNUAL GIRLFRIENDS’ GATHERING –
“It’s an experience,” describes regular attendee Delores Bivens, who is among the 200+ regular attendees at the 300- to 400-person gathering – all “gurls”: girlfriends, BFF’s, sisters, sistahs, sisterfriends, womenfriends, and sisterchicks who receive a “femail” from Mamie Webb Hixon, originator of this event, in late December of the year preceding the event or in early January of the year of the event,inviting them to participate in the annual March all-female gala. The women range from her Gurl Church members (a name she and her girlfriend Jackie Roberts coined for the women’s socials at her church) to her book club members, writing friends, BFF friends, childhood friends, dancing friends, dining friends, Grammarcise friends, sorority member friends, 100 Black Women friends, Impact 100 friends, community activist friends, teaching friends, traveling friends, high school classmate friends, Divine 9 friends, “Our Voices Are Many” friends, community activist friends, former student friends, former and current mentee friends, AKA and Delta “daughter” friends, professional friends, and friends of her friends. Mamie groups these women as friends, good friends, such good friends, and friends of my friends.
What started out in 2004 as a gathering of 35 women in Mamie’s circle of friends sitting around a hibachi table at a local Japanese restaurant singing, reading and reciting poetry, chair dancing, telling stories, lip-synching, and singing mushroomed into a gathering of over 350 women from 2006 to 2019 (the gathering was on a pandemic pause
rIchArd mILLer photogrAphy
Women can’t wait to swarm around the dance floor during the Colored Girls Roll Call when each color is announced for women to come to the floor and dance.
from 2020 to 2024), with women anxiously waiting to reunite and bring out the girls in themselves).
As a self-proclaimed “Connector,” Hixon has been creating and sponsoring events that connect people and communities through myriad programs and events for over twenty years: “Our Voices Are Many,” a stage presentation of African American history and literature through poetry, music, song, and dance performed by Hixon’s students, literary friends, and drama enthusiasts from the Pensacola community, is one of those events; another is her more recent ingenious and original platform – Grammarcise, a title she coined for her weekly virtual forum where participants flex their grammar muscles and discuss and debate the English language, its challenges, nuances, creative potential, and conventions. The annual Girlfriends’ Gathering, another connecting event,allows Hixon to connect her professional literary career to her social life: you see, the inspiration for this gathering is a 1974 play/choreopoem titled “For Colored Girls . . .” by
playwright Ntozake Shange. Thus, Hixon explains, the subtitle for the event - “For Colored Girls” – and the requirement for each attendee to come to the event dressed as “a colored girl” wearing a “badazz” outfit in one of the colors of the rainbow or any other solid color so she can be identified as The Lady in Red, The Lady in Yellow, The Lady in Orange, The Lady in Green, The Lady in Purple, The Lady in Blue, The Lady in Brown, The Lady in Black, The Lady in White, The Lady in Pink, The Lady in Gold, The Lady in Silver, The Lady in Lavender, etc. The only other attire criterion is an outfit for the other ladies to ooh and aah about, she quips.
The six-hour weeknight event (5:00 p.m. till 11:00 p.m.) always consists of an all-gurl cast participating in lots of -ings: dancing, singing, strutting, sashaying, dining, shopping with local female vendors, lip-synching, praising, reuniting, talking, and eating, just to name a few. Mamie added to this year’s list that she was 78-ing (the month of the event is always March – her birthday month). “But the gathering is not about my birthday; we celebrate all March birthday queens.” Three highlights of the 2024 evening were the recognition
of former high school and college majorettes, cheerleaders, and campus queens; the “We Speak Your Names’ Candlelight Memorial honoring the lives of girlfriend attendees who passed between 2020 and 2024; and the tribute to nonagenarians – 90-year-old women. Nine nonagenarians ranging from ages 90 to 98 were present for the tribute.
Women can’t wait to swarm around the dance floor during the Colored Girls Roll Call when each color is announced for women to come to the floor and dance. Then there’s what Hixon calls “Decade Dancing” in which the ladies in their nineties, eighties, seventies, sixties, etc. flood to the dance floor to show off their ages and dancing skills.
As Arnetha Welcome, a regular attendee and vendor said, “Mamie recognized every girlfriend in the place. Whether it was the color of her outfit, her birthday, her personal attribute(s) (her hair, her shoes, her height, her hips, her fashion sense, etc.). Every woman felt welcomed and affirmed.”
A Small Setback And Then I Closed The Bible For The Last Time
SANDRA WINN
Despite all my progress, I still had nagging thoughts in my brain, “What if you’re wrong?” “What if you’ll suffer in eternal torment and take your family with you?” It truly was heartbreaking to still doubt my own understanding, but fear tends to have that effect on people. I then made a call to a couple that were family friends, as well as facilitators of the LifeGroup we once attended. They told me to come over that evening.
I went to my friends’ house the night before Easter Sunday in 2005. I expected to see only them, instead I was ambushed by a theologian friend of theirs I’d never met before. They had their bibles and I had mine. I asked questions about holy days, heaven, hell, etc., and just like every other apologist, the theologian attempted to justify and uphold strict Christian ideology. I received no enlightenment and no comfort. I felt even more confused, yet I was frustrated because suddenly the fear was all too real again. I left their home in tears and
hoW LeAvIng the chrIstIAn fAIth chAnged my LIfe
Part V
Easter morning didn’t start off pleasant, I walked out to the dining room table and told my husband I wanted a divorce because he wasn’t being a godly leader for our children. I also mentioned that I thought he’d lead them down the wrong path because he wasn’t as Christian as I was. Our children were present when I made my dramatic announcement. They started bawling and my husband, who supported all my craziness, looked down and said, “Whatever you need to do, Sandy.”
Looking at my beautiful family with tears in my eyes, I walked away, went back to my room and picked up the Bible. I read Luke 14:26, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brother and sister and, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” I probably spent two hours sitting in my room all choked up reading that verse over and over and over again.
Once all the tears were shed from my eyes and I could breathe again, I felt angry. My mind became flooded with all I’d
gone through over the past couple of years. All the pain I’d caused myself and my family. Everything I learned couldn’t be unseen, no one could explain it away any longer. I then glared at the passage, and said, outloud, “F*ck you God and Jesus!” and closed the Bible forever. Then I told my husband and children I didn’t believe anymore and that I did not want a divorce.
That was nearly 18 years ago and I’ve never once looked back. How did my life change? Instantly I became happier as did my husband and children. However, not without a bit of fallout from Christian family and friends…
“you And I need to be the decIsIon mAKers In our oWn LIves And cAreers. It Is ALso our responsIbILIty to ALLoW And encourAge others to do the sAme.”
– JAy rIfenbAry
self-doubt.
WAre You Stuck?
Monday / Wednesday / Friday Fb and YouTube LIVE
Dr. Sandra G. Winborne aka Dr. Winnie
https://www.facebook.com/sandragary.winbornephd
hen children are out of school for the summer, some will experience the “Summer Slide.” In 2020,Forbes.com stated, “Children lose up to 40% of the gains they have made over the school year while on summer break.” Parents, grandparents, godparents, adoptive parents, or other concerned adults should consider looking into Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM), or STEAM, which adds Art to the learning educational areas. These educational areas may assist with limiting any academic loss of information for children over summer break, and stimulate the need and desire to know as much as possible. Are You Stuck? Yes, and so are some children and adults!
My word, STEAM! How do you address learning loss or catch-up if you run out or ignore needing and having STEAM?
STEAM
“the vapor into which water is converted when heated, forming a white mist of minute water droplets in the air.
- water - condensation- vapor- mist - fog- dampness - moisture - smoke - fumes - wisdom”
S - SCIENCE–“the systematic study of the structure and behavior of the physical and natural world through observation, expertise - knowledge - information - data - literacy - learning - intelligence – facts” - news - awareness - erudition (having or knowing great knowledge)
T - TECHNOLOGY–“a manner of accomplishing a task, especially using technical processes, methods, or knowledge- innovation - mechanism - equipment - device- invention - hardware - apparatus - software - application - instrument - software - electronics – computerization”
E - ENGINEERING–“the application of science and mathematics by which the properties of matter and the sources of energy in nature are made useful to people - management - manipulation - government - administration - handling - leadership -guidance operation - conduct - supervision- control – oversight”
A - ART–“the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power. an occupation requiring skillful use of the hands.”“Also, “something that is created with imagination and skill and that is beautiful or that expresses important ideas or feelings.”
- fine art – artwork – creative activity(painting, Sculpturing, Musician, Acting, etc.)”
M - MATHEMATICS–“the act or process of performing mathematical operations to find a value - math - arithmetic - calculations - computation - calculus - numbers - subtraction – valuation- number crunching”
What words would you use for each letter in STEAM?(Note: Merriam-Webster, Oxford Languages, and Cambridge Dictionaries):
S________________
T ________________
E ________________
A ________________ M ________________
expAnd your mInd... read
KIOKA TUCK
Teacher Of The Year
https://www.misstsbookroom.com
In 2021, I came to Nathaniel H. Stephens Elementary in a season of doubt, confusion, and grief. It was undeniably one of the most challenging times in my life. I almost didn't take the teacher's job out of fear and thought it would be complicated. While preparing for the interview, I thought I would be in a room full of people and forget how to answer the questions. Then, I thought about my father and how he would have said, "You got the job; now go to work." He believed in education and taught me about being committed to the community no matter the circumstances. I loved working for PreK but knew it was time to move to the next chapter. I took the job, and even though my first year was shaky, I enjoyed being a special education resource teacher. I was comfortable but
her edItIon
Leadership is hard; I wasn't prepared to be a leader.
But I remember this saying:
"God doesn't call the equipped; he equips the called."
unbeknownst to me, things would take a slight, significant change.
During the school year of 20232024, I started as a resource teacher at Stephens for the 3rd year, and it began with a couple of new faces. I decided to be a mentor teacher for this year and help some new faces coming in for the new school year. At the beginning of the year, the multi-needs' classroom teacher announced that she wouldn't be returning after Thanksgiving Break. I became nervous when I heard the news because the multi-needs room was intense. The classroom functions like a small school itself. But I was even more anxious when asked to be the teacher in the classroom. Leadership is hard; I wasn't prepared to be a leader. But I remember this saying: "God doesn't call the equipped; he equips the called."
My administrators called me to the office and asked if I could take the multi-needs classroom job. The job wasn't "sugarcoated" one bit. They described all the sides to everything. The good, bad, and horrible areas were discussed that day in the principal's office. After
the discussion, I was also told I had the right to say no and stay in my current position. My principal and special education director informed me that I didn't have to give them an answer that day, but I could go home and think about it.
I considered everything they told me and all the work.
The next day, I told them I had decided to take the job. I said the biggest reason I could do it was because the most outstanding team was already working hard in the classroom (Paraprofessionals/ aides), and schools would be lost without them. You can't do this teaching job alone. Teamwork is one of the most essential things in a school system. Please believe this year, I would look at myself in the mirror and ask if I made the right decision by saying yes in that office, I know I did.
I am overjoyed that I was named Teacher of the Year because of teamwork, stepping out of my comfort zone, and following my calling.
hoW to beLIeve In yourseLf
When we believe in ourselves, it can help us achieve our goals, manifest our dreams, and increase our well-being. But the flip side is also true. Lack of belief in ourselves means we are less likely to act, to change, or to push to make things better. In fact, when we expect we will fail, we are actually more likely to fail (Bénabou & Tirole, 2002).
That means that believing in ourselves is kind of like the key that turns the ignition and starts the car. We can't really go anywhere without it. Try as we might to push ourselves forward, we're blocked because our thoughts, attitudes, and actions aren't in alignment with our goals. So, we either don't do what we need to do or we sabotage ourselves along the way, sometimes in obvious ways and sometimes in unconscious ways. So, how do you believe in yourself?
Believing in yourself includes things like selfworth, self-confidence, self-trust, autonomy, and environmental mastery. Self-worth is the sense that you have value as a human being.
Self-confidence is a
positive attitude about your abilities, qualities, and judgment. Self-trust is faith that you can rely on yourself. Autonomy is feeling able to choose and direct your own behavior. Environmental mastery is your belief that your efforts will result in the changes you desire.
These are some of the key components involved in believing in yourself. Maybe you struggle with just one of them or maybe you struggle with all of them. By understanding where your struggles lie, it'll be easier to start shifting
Here are some tips to start building trust within yourself:
Do what you say you're going to do. Maybe this means reducing your number of commitments, learning to say "no," or setting stronger boundaries. Experiment if you need to see what you need to do to stick to your word.
Be honest with yourself. Engage in self-reflection to get to the truth of what you really think, feel, and need in life. Try not to focus so much on what other people want you to do.
Do what you believe is right. Live your values and follow your inner compass. If you're on a path that is true to you, then it'll likely be easier to believe in your ability to walk it.
Be clear. Get clearer about who you are and what you want. Know the things you are willing to do and the things you are not. That way you can trust yourself to make good decisions and communicate them effectively.
Adapted from an article published by The Berkeley Well-Being Institute by Tchiki Davis, PhD.
meet bAcK cover modeL
pAmeLA combs mArtIn
Iam an optimist. I find ways to overcome obstacles so I can support others.
I love traveling and making connections with people.
I try to visit places I have never been to in the United States and abroad. Traveling helps me to appreciate life and gain new perspectives.
I am an educator. I am a lover of history. I love going to museums to learn about history, especially African American History. Returning to Montgomery, the birthplace of the Civil Rights Movement, makes me proud as there are plenty of opportunities to delve into history.
'LIFE FOR ME AIN'T BEEN NO CRYSTAL STAIR! I am blessed and highly favored, and I am a conqueror! I try not to dwell on the negatIve. I am an optimist."
Writing poetry is soothing to me. I love to look at poems I have written in the past to get a glimpse of what I was experiencing at that moment in time. Reflection is an important part of healing and growing.
My family is important to me. They are my biggest supporters. They ground me. They inspire me! I am thankful that my parents are living and in good health. They have sacrificed so much for me and others. They have shown me the importance of giving back.
While I am definitely a social person who doesn't meet any strangers, I have always known that people are more important than things. People come into your life for a reason and sometimes a season. I cherish friendships and connections. I have a philosophy of reaching out to people if they cross my mind. God sends me messages to connect with others. I aim to be at peace with others.
Iam a firm believer in Self Care. I practice yoga and meditation. The beach is my happy place. I get replenished by being in the salt water and feeling my feet in the sand. Hearing the children laughing and playing at the beach, brings me joy. The beach is a place where I can relax. I am so thankful that God created the beach for me!
Another way I try to take care of myself is by eating healthy and tasty foods. I love Asian food, but I also love Soul food. Food memories and flavors are just as important to me as music. I grew up listening to a variety of music. Music and certain sounds in nature, like the waves and birds chirping have healing properties.
"I love people and I love life! I am not perfect; I don't have a perfect life, but I am striving to be the best I can be!"
the bAcKsIde of motherhood …
… It ALL WorKs out In the end
“I’m on a ride and I want to get off, but they won’t slow down the roundabout … “ Me too, Duran … and the other Duran. As I type unhindered by the weighty gaze my 15-year-old border collie is throwing my way, not only am I procrastinating taking her for her walk this morning (at least I’m a pro at something!) I don’t even care. I have to get this piece of prolific prose out because the Universe sent me a mental message that I had not written about The Other Woman in a while.
Where the hell did she go, you ask? Or maybe you didn’t even care, but I’m going to tell you about it anyway, Dear Reader. One of my inspirations as a writer has always been the immortal Erma Bombeck, and my favorite of her many offerings of sage parenting advice is: “If you can’t make it better, laugh at it.” Good Lord, that woman knew from whence she spoke! Laughing at
grAte expectAtIons
this whole fucking mess is the only thing that keeps me going! This year began with a quarrelsome quake in the quad of adult children that oozed over onto everyone. The rift was promptly repaired with an emergency call to rally around my father-in-law, but his passing shortly thereafter left us all raw and reeling.
We had no time to wallow because my dad was diagnosed with cancer a few days later, so several weeks of radiation and chemo treatments followed. In the midst of all of this, we found out that my daughter and her wife are expecting at the end of the year – and that the baby may have special needs. Throw in flooded apartments, teenaged grandkids, surgeries, broken bones, other deaths, and a little mental health meltdown for good measure, and my family drama looks like it’s ready to skip the book deal and head straight for prime time. I always hate it when I get to the end of a really good book or TV series. Even if it’s a happy ending, I still wish that the telling of the story could go on and on once I’m invested. Be careful what you wish for, amIright?
I’ve come to the realization here
in these golden years (whop, whop, whop!) that my goal to “just be happy for a minute” is unrealistic. Happy endings are for fairy tales and massage parlors. Once upon a time, that truth would have rubbed me the wrong way, if you know what I mean! But more and more I’m learning that the true beauty of life is the richness of the ride – the highs AND the lows - and there ain’t no getting off of this raucous roundabout until you reach your reward, no matter how many Durans you have on your side. However, the Universe does deliver the promise of Heaven in small doses. For me, one such glimpse was offered by way of my granddaughter sharing a new song with me over lunch at the I’ll Live Garden. “It goes like this, Lala: ‘I always want more parmesan, but I’m embarrassed …’” cheezus, take the wheel!
Lara McKnight is a freelance writer who lives in Pensacola, FL. She and her husband have four adult children (and their companions,) four grandchildren, and one new bundle of love on the way. Her idea of Heaven is to be surrounded by those grandchildren while they sing songs about cheese.
WOMAN
Look back at all you've been through. Everything you need to fight the battles ahead are already within you. YOU GOT THIS!
what does self love look like?
Before a person is able to practice it, first we need to understand what it means.
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health.
What does self-love mean to you?
For starters, it can mean:
Talking to and about yourself with love
Prioritizing yourself
Giving yourself a break from self-judgement
Trusting yourself
Being true to yourself
Being nice to yourself
Setting healthy boundaries
Forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself
Source/Read More - https://bbrfoundation. org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
my Knee
KIMBERLY sue phAres
This knee has been with me for 52 years
It helped me take my first steps, Ride my first bike helped me run Jump
Run track, do the shotput and discuss along with the high jump.
It helped me kick some booty up and down the basketball court.
It stuck with me through Basic Training for the ARMY…. Hooooahh
It walked me through marriages, chasing my children, and many adventures.
I thought my knee and I had a good thing going.
But damages from my youth (which I never got fixed) for I was to stubborn. Didn’t want to miss anything so I always pushed on.
I pushed on many years, played some football at the age of 46, and Body Building at age 48.
So many hunts and miles on this ole knee. She is broken now. Torn ligaments and cartilages, bone on bone, torn lateral meniscus. Along with some arthritis.
Monday I GET A FULL KNEE replacement.
I'm praying my new knee will pick me up and take me places as my old one once did.
I’m a nervous Nellie over here. So will take any and all prayers or send up the good mojo.
I believe I will be sporting a pretty gnarly scar on my leg too. #outwiththeoldknee #newkneecoming
Kimberly is the founder of Charmed Women's Outdoor Adventures and The Other Woman wishes her a healthy recovery! https://www.facebook.com/charmedwoa
bone health
People often think the topic of bone health and osteoporosis is meant for the elderly. But Dr. Wermers emphasizes that young people should pay attention.
“Bones kind of peak out around your 30s and then you start to decline gradually in your bone and muscle," says Dr. Wermer. "It’s part of natural aging and it just tells you that it’s a lifelong process. The only way to prevent that muscle and bone loss is to really focus on those healthy lifestyle factors. It’s important even for people in their 30s to practice those healthy lifestyle factors, not only for their bones but for general health.”
source - mayoclinic.org
Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.”
~Edward Stanley (1826 – 1893).
This British statesman advocated for regular physical activity, well ahead of his time. His astute observation withstood the most rigorous tests about daily exercise
reJectIng the bIoLogIcAL cLocK
Earlier this month, Apple and Facebook made headlines when they announced a plan to cover the costs of egg freezing for female employees, the first corporations to offer such a benefit. The announcement inspired passionate responses from every corner, both celebratory and critical. Despite the controversy, all of these responses had one thing in common: the constant invocation of the “biological clock.” After all, the imagery is irresistible. The metaphor perfectly captures the anxieties of women struggling to balance their professional and procreative lives. But embracing the language of the biological clock also places real limits on how we think about the problem of age-related fertility decline, as well as its appropriate solutions.
The biological clock is at once an inescapable feature of the female anatomy and a technical problem waiting to be solved. The mechanical nature of the metaphor frames the issue in such a way that we are stuck searching for technological solutions to what is a complex social and economic problem. If female fertility is a clock, than it can be unwound, repaired, or even stopped. This fascination with technological solutions has distracted us from addressing the real reasons why women feel compelled to postpone pregnancy later and later in life.
Authored By Jenna Healey
Read the full article here - https://isps. yale.edu/news/blog/2014/10/rejecting-the-biological-clock
cougAr confessIon
rosiTa G. Mendez
One thing I realized about growing older is my mind may be impacted in regard to memory, but when it comes to emotions, this 76-year-old woman still wants to enjoy intimacy and love. Unfortunately, the men my age have been beaten up by life. They've been around the block more than a few times and chased many skirts. Age has caught up with them and they are no longer able to chase or get around the block with any type of speed. If I may say so myself, I've done a pretty good job keeping my body in shape. I walk every day and for the most part, I eat moderately healthy. I still love dessert after every meal but I walk it off the next day - sometimes. I'm completely guilt-free when it comes to how I live my life which includes my love life.
There is no other way to say it. I love me some younger men. They look good, they smell good, and they walk good. Most importantly, they sex good without complaining about aches, pains, and apologies for their inability to perform after talking much game. Older men have more hot air coming out of their mouths than gas our of their behinds.
Any man over the age of 60 who has a good woman in their life should treat her like a queen. Why? Because if you aren't measuring up in the bedroom, you sure better give her a reason to stay committed. There is no way a woman is going to be treated subpar in a relationship while being short- changed in bed. If so, she's most likely emotionally detached.
Women are loyal to a fault and this is something I've been quite guilty of for most of my life but for the REST OF MY LIFE, I'm making no apologies for enjoying my freedom, my choices, and my men.
I'm judged a lot but I couldn't care less. I've cared about what people say for far too long. I listened to what others had to say about the man I chose to marry and my marriage lasted 35 years until my husband's death. Family and friends said I married beneath my standards. Well, I was happy and that's all that mattered to me. Now, I'll be judged for dating beneath my age. As far as I'm concerned, everyone's opinions are beneath my feet where they belong. I only have one life and if I live according to everyone else's rules I'm not living my life, but the life they want me to live.
What I do behind my closed doors is my business anyway. Why am I publicly confessing? Because I know plenty of other older women are looking at these younger men standing tall, smelling good, walking strong, and smiling with all their teeth. Some have muscles bulging in places I haven't seen in years.
We've all heard that age is just a number and I believe that. I'm often mistaken for a younger woman and I feel young, so I choose to live young in all aspects of my life. As The Other Woman says...I'm living my life courageously, unapologetically, and without regrets.
yvonne B. scoTT
You never stop raising children. My day may start in various ways. -Your grand (son/daughter) is sick and needs to be picked up from school.
-We missed the bus, can you take us to school?
-I forgot my lunch and I'm hungry.
Five days a week I meet him/her at the bus stop (rain or shine). We go to the park, dance, football practice, basketball practice, baseball practice, or whatever extracurricular activity scheduled for the day. Then the final event for the day is hearing "Grandma, I'm hungry. Can we go to Chick-fil-A? Oh, I forgot my money!"
Got to love them.
My Time joy
leacher
Irecently joined the empty nest club and unfortunately lost both my parents all within a year. I grieved and rejoiced at the same time because my entire life had been devoted to my family. I chose to move from the east coast to the south to enjoy warmer weather and my much anticipated golden years. I was excited to begin a new life and reward myself with some much needed ME time.
After getting settled into a place where no one knew my name, something I never thought would happen, happened. Exactly five months later, my adult daughter and son followed me to the south. They didn't feel safe with me being in a new place not knowing anyone. I was unpleasantly surprised to hear they weren't just visiting they uprooted and followed me to stay. What the hell is going on? When do children begin to feel like the adult who raised them can't take care of herself? Thankfully, they don't live too close and I have room to breathe. I'm hoping they'll meet people and begin their own lives, so I can enjoy mine.
he owes me! (Anonymous)
Imarried in my late twenties and now in my late fifties, I am,regretfully, still married. Like most marriages, my husband and I have had our ups and downs. Four children, a home and vacation home, nice vehicles, and money in the bank is our life. Our demanding careers have consumed our time and our intimacy has suffered. As horrible as it may sound, I remained married for the money. I've contemplated divorce several times but there is no way I can maintain my high maintenance lifestyle on my income alone. He owes me!
I've given the best years of my life taking care of him physically, mentally, and emotionally. I've stretched my body to give him four children he wanted (I wanted two) and deflated my breast to breastfeed by his request. I've faithfully cleaned, cooked, and supported my husband and although I'm emotionally detached, I will play the wife role till death do us part. Do I feel guilty? No, my conscious is clear and he is grateful I haven't physically left. We have more of a business arrangement now than a marriage. I never thought I'd be in this position, but it works for us. I have more than a few close friends who are married with financial agreements over love or an emotional bond. You never know where you'll find yourself in life and you never really know who you're married to until life shows its ugly face. Show me the money!
don't waste my time
I'm so stressed out!
nAtIonAL InstItute of mentAL heALth
Is it stress or anxiety?
Life can be stressful about performance at school traumatic events(such as a pandemic, a natural disster or an act of violence) or a life change. everyone feels stress fromtime to time.
What is Stress? Stress is the physical or mental resonse to an external cause such as having a lot of homework or having a n illness. A stressor mau be a one-time or shortterm occurrence, or it canhappen repeatedly overa long time.
\\
What is Anxiety?
anxiety is your body's reaction to stress and can occur even if there is no current threat. If tht anxiety doesn't go awayand begins to interfere with your life, it could affect your health. You could experience problems with sleeping or with your immune, digestive, cardiovascular and reproductive syatrem. You also may be at higher risk for developing a mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression.
More information about anxiety disorders is available at www.nimh.nih.gov/anxietydisorders
“adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.” – hans selye
do I need A mAn?
renee Wade
yes you do & here’s why it’s ok.
It’s ok to need a man.
Why?
It’s ok because you choose to need a man.
It’s ok to be a mature woman and make that conscious choice to need the right man. A good man.
Kind of like how it’s ok to admit that you have needed your father.
Perhaps you feel that your father is protective, which is to openly imply that you allow your father to be in a role where you need him.
Why isn’t it ok to admit that you need a man who isn’t your father?
Just because it isn’t cool amongst your tough, “independent”, fake girlfriends?
Just because a man who isn’t your father might be more likely to hurt you?
Betray you? Or worse, make you feel used?
Well, having that mindset is a very small way to live your life.
Sometimes blood family betray us while the people who aren’t blood, who we were the most scared to trust; surprise us the most with their dependability.
It has been true in my life every so often.
Do I Need A Man?
In theory, probably not. In practice,
mostly not. But deep in your heart? Yes, absolutely.
As a woman trying to tell this to other women, it’s like bathing a cat.
Some women are deathly afraid to admit they need a man, and other women are relieved to hear that they weren’t the only ones who feel that deep down, they really do need a man!
The reality is that though many women have had abusive relationships with men, that doesn’t stop them from craving a real, healthy relationship with a man.
Trauma can make a woman resent men or even swear off them – but once the trauma begins to heal, it becomes harder and harder to stay away from romantic relationships, because having healthy romantic relationships is at the core of us as humans.
We are mammals which require pair bonds in order to raise children (and if you’re a woman, you require a pair bond in order to feel fulfilled and even emotionally safe!)
Why Do Women Need Men?
Women need men because they are vulnerable. Their bodies are built to bear, carry, and raise children.
If a woman has sex with a man and falls pregnant, that 9 month period of pregnancy is a vulnerable time.
Add to that the vulnerable task of becoming a mother. She will permanently have a piece of her heart wandering outside of her own body (ie: her child). Still, you may be wondering…but why do
I need a man? Is there a good reason for needing a man?
Why Do I Need A Man?
Because like 80% or more of other women in this world, you are born with a feminine bias to attach to a man.
Why? Because if you don’t attach (emotionally and biologically), that’s costly for your future and the future of your children (should you fall pregnant).
Your bias to attach leaves you vulnerable, and this vulnerability is what most women hate to admit that they have.
But it’s not all bad!
It’s actually very valuable. This bias for attaching early can help you inspire almost any man to commit to you (if you work with your bias well).
This is the premise of our program “High Value Attachment”. We made it to help you work wit https://www.thefemininewoman.com/its-ok-to-need-a-man/ h your feminine bias for early attachment, and to have it easily be something that men fall in love with you for.
So Why Is It Ok To Need A Man?
Why is it so taboo to admit that you need a man?
I believe it’s taboo because in general, most women don’t have a good understanding of men.
We fear what we don’t understand.
source/read full article https://www.thefemininewoman.com/itsok-to-need-a-man/
the woes of getting old Future Shock - The Untold Story
by Z Faheem Nadir
While in my twenties, it seemed like life would last forever.
Now as an older man, I wished I had spent more time building a more solid foundation. I could have accomplished my unchartered dreams of becoming a doctor, a lawyer or business professional. It seems like only two weeks ago, but I must’ve been around 12 years old thinking it would be so cool to be a granddad. Now that I am a granddad, it is very clear that I was right. Being a grandparent is almost a greater joy that your own first child. The empty nest has life again and sounds of laughter fill the air once again only to leave as soon as the dishes hit the dish washer then everything is quiet again.
Here you are alone once again, alone with your thoughts and memories and remembering how fast this journey has gone. Years softly float to the rear of your mind. We find ourselves alone for various reasons. The love of your life passes away or you’ve been afraid to look and love again after all the pain that you’ve caused or the pain that was served to you. Either way - you’re alone. I’ve learned to make the best out of most situations. This makes each day
easier to handle.
I find one of the most painful situations to deal with is knowing that so many of your childhood friends, classmates, family members, and other love ones have passed on leaving you with a book of memories to carry with you until your journey is complete. The sports fields and courts I frequented seem so close but I can no longer touch them as a player. How much I hunger for the competition, the challenge, the victory that is no longer a necessity.
Getting older has its joys and pains. Unexpected diagnosis seem to come out of nowhere and remember your little best friend down there? The one that you were so proud of? He would just show up at the blink of an eye. You cherished him, even gave him a name. You were so proud of him and the pleasures he brought you. Sadly, without warning, after all those years together he just ups and goes away leaving you ashamed and embarrassed. This is what most men will go through never imagining such a horrible experience. Wait, that’s not all. I never thought about getting up to go to the bathroom four to six times a night but it happens. Please understand you’ll learn to deal with the sleep breaks just like the many other physical changes you deal with on a
daily basis.
My message to you youngsters is to stay true to your loved ones. Sadly, as we age we witness many of our long-time friends and loved ones pass away Aging is inevitable, so while you are here, take care of this vessel that God has provided for you and love one another. This journey, your journey, is moving very fast so hold on, love on, and keep on.
https://buILt2InspIreLLc.com/
Turning gray is not something men are proud of.
As soon as a gray strand is seen, it's a mad rush to color, cover, or cap it (wear a hat).
Demond Davis was no exception. He fought, denied, and rejected his silver strands for a long time. Coloring his gray became a part of his norm without hesitation. It wasn't until close friends and family practically begged him to embrace his silver fox status and unleash his sexy.
Most men have no idea how sexy they look with gray hair. The distinguished gentleman (the other man) wants to be set free. It's a new season of life, so embrace it and let the gray have its way!
An Unmasked Mind
An unmasked mind never limited by time
Left to unwind
There you sit deep in thought
Feeling a little lost in the world of your own creation
Where if glimpses were shown…
Those who couldn’t comprehend
Would recommend a coat surnamed strait
But is crooked in every way
Its cause, to assimilate and secretly to take
That which free…
Contributing to a broken spirit
But I applaud your unmasked unwound mind
Untouched by the grim grips of time
And I admire that you’re one of a kind
Yet I wish there were more of your kind
The free kind, free in mind, free of limitations
Yet not perverted
Mustapha M. Kamara
Lance Hester is proof that it's never too late to pursue a dream, desire, or a passion.
At 61 years old, Lance took the leap and released his first single, Methadone, which is quickly making its way across music airwaves and all music platforms.
Q. When did you first realize you could sing?
A. I started playing piano at six and singing around eight years old.
Q. Have you participated in any singing engagements in your younger years?
A. I grew up singing in church groups and ensembles. I also did musical theatre in Middle School and High School.
Q. Does anyone in your family sing?
A. My mom sang and played piano and my dad played drums in his high school band.
Q. What prompted you to pursue creating music and releasing a song?
A. Ive always enjoyed playing and performing but decided to finally put some of my own stuff out there to see if I could actually do it. I built a studio at my house and it kind of took off from there.
Q. Any regrets on waiting until this time in your life to release your music?
A. No regrets at all. I think by waiting, I have more to write about.
Q. Did you produce the music on your own?
A. I wrote, played and sang everything except the drums and keyboards on “Methadone”
Q. What are your music plans for the future?
A. Hopefully getting back in the studio to finish up a few more songs to release. Right now I have about 10 more songs written
Q. What other interests do you have?
A. My wife and I really like to travel and go camping.
Q. What is your current occupation?
A. I am happily retired from the military and just playing music.
Q. What would you tell men who are sitting on dreams and talents?
A. Don't put off things that you can do that make you happy. Enjoy those talents and share them if you can.
Q. You're a race car driver and prior military fighter pilot, but who is Lance Hester?
A. Just a normal guy that’s trying to make a difference and making people smile a little more. Either through my music or by telling a joke.
Q. How can music lovers find Methadone?
A. My music is on all of the normal streaming outlets…Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music; etc. Just search Lance Hester.
https://open.spotify.com/album/4XkDTaaRmqzY6cVtHLYNKt?si=rMcSAwnQQ2CWvT45s5L80Q
https://www.facebook.com/Warehouse231?mibextid=LQQJ4d
WHY NOT?
Maurice Harris
Experience and testimonials are the top two reasons why I attempt things. When I received the invitation to my cousin's celebration in Africa, my first question to myself was, “Why Not?”. I didn't have any valid answers for this question. so I did everything I needed to do to be ready on my end. I first purchased the ticket not knowing about a Visa. I then applied for the Visa and lastly I got the main vaccines that were recommended.
Though I had these things in place and ready, I did not have much commitment that I would be allowed to go. There was much relief inside of me when I got through TSA and headed towards my assigned gate. My past cripples me at times, though I do not have the excuse of paralysis, so I move. Absolute.
The 11 hours in a seat was not too bad because being a truck driver, I'm used to sitting for long periods of time. Once the plane landed, things became clear. To set the precedence for the rest of the trip; A little Naira (African currency) in the right hands gets you in and out of places in Africa more efficiently. Being that we had no money, we had
to wait until the officials felt okay with letting us continue though. I was told to expect to be bombarded by people asking for money, though this was not the case. I
guess I blended in well or the people were warned ahead that we didn't have any money. Finding accommodations to get away from the airport was another hurdle, though we made due,
I got the chance to minutely experience the bustling city of Lagos, Nigeria before
all the other first timers. Lagos is an ancestor to Atlanta. Everyone has somewhere to go, people to see and things to do. I wasn't too shocked by the economic conditions because of my time in the U.S. Virgin Islands. People in Nigeria are grateful for any extra given to them. “God Bless you Sir”, “Thank You Sir”, “You are Kind”, etc. Even when they were not given, they moved on with the same amount of vigor. Too many U.S. kind acts are responded to with some sort of resentment. Don't get me wrong there were many in the city of Abeokuta that were opportunist, and attempted to charge a longer price for their services, though that is to be expected.
I had a conversation with my hair stylist (Gloria) who did not complete secondary school because her family lacked funds, though learned how to do hair. She practices her graft everyday. She's able to do most styles and she ventilates hair to create wigs and laces. Another, a waiter (Carl) at the hotel I was staying, surprising me saying he was in his 5th year of law school. One of my party's drivers, Peter, is an electronic engineer and is able to repair anything electronic but
doesn't have enough funds for material and supplies to constantly do the work. The amount of money they were wholeheartedly grateful for would have been atrocious in the U.S. and looked at in disdain.
I just couldn't get enough of the nostalgia of being in Africa: “THE MOTHERLAND”. I woke up early, stayed outside as much as possible, then went to sleep late everyday I was there. I only experienced a small piece of the land and its culture, it was enough for me to know I am welcomed. Although every place has its pros and cons and assistance is appreciated. I see the draw many have wanting to help in Africa because the U.S. dollar stretches so far.
Though it's very disappointing that I didn't have a longer stay. I look forward to visiting again I would visit again because it was great, though it is not home.
Maurice Harris is the author of SIDELINED which can be purchased on Amazon. https://a.co/d/ie0iPSX
"the tomb was the perfect fit...why not?"
but you're the pILot
There are many relationships that we think about, work on, have feelings about, and try to change. Our relationship with our friends, family, partner, kids, parents, boss, coworkers, and even ourselves are often ones that we think about, agonize over, and work to improve.
However, it is often our relationships with non-material things that we don’t think about but have a tremendous effect and drive us profoundly and unconsciously. This includes our relationship with money, sex, food, drugs (including alcohol), work, safety/ security, and time. How we relate to these things affects how we feel, behave, and make choices. Yet we often navigate those relationships unconsciously without considering how we shape them. Our relationship with time is one of the most important yet adversarial we have. It feels like there's never enough, it goes too quickly, or we are running out of it Or the opposite–time crawls by slowly, and we feel we are wasting it. Often, our relationship with time is not conscious or healthy–it feels as if it controls us and doesn’t treat us well.
Like any relationship, it takes active participation and conscious effort to make it healthy. Below is a list of seven suggestions to actively work on changing our relationship with time into a more conscious, healthy one:
1) Be aware of your language when thinking and talking about time. Our language helps shape relationships, and time is no exception.
Create a new way of speaking about time that has to do with abundance, creativity, and ownership. Instead of saying, “I ran out of time,” say, “I need to block out more time for that next time.”
2) Take ownership over your time. We often feel there is never enough time but is that true? Yes, time is limited and precious, but there is a lot of it. Recognize this abundance. Often, it feels like there isn’t enough because we spend so much of it unconsciously–scrolling on our phones or getting distracted by unplanned tasks. Take hold of the reins.
3) To manifest that empowerment, use time-related tools such as calendars, scheduling, alerts, and alarms. Use to-do lists and make sure they are manageable by separating them into categories of importance. Worry less about things that can be set aside for a later date. Prioritize and stick to a plan.
4) Be honest about your priorities with yourself. Often we use time as an excuse for why we’re not doing something or as a reason to say “no.” We all do it: “Sorry, I don’t have the time.” This is a way of honoring our boundaries, but it’s not fully honest. We all have time—we just need to prioritize it because it isn’t unlimited. We choose to spend our time based on what we value.
If something is a priority, try to create the space. This also goes for self-care and rest. If our physical and mental
health are essential (as they need to be), we will make the time for them and let something else go.
5) Be one-pointed in your actions. Instead, focus on one thing (or one person) at any given moment. It will feel better, productivity will increase, and relationships will improve.
6) Don’t let things get familiar. Most of us have experienced the feeling that time is flying by faster every year. This is likely because of a phenomenon where we don’t notice things that become familiar. It’s like driving past your neighborhood on the way home without noticing any of it. It’s all familiar, and you’re on autopilot.
7) Appreciate life in the present moment. Time seems to slip away when we are mulling over the past or dreaming of the future. Each moment can be precious when we learn to value it. It can be hard to train our minds to stay present, but it helps us be in sync with time.
Practice being aware of the moment and fully present to slow down time (regular transcendental meditation can help this practice). The truth is, every day that we have is a tremendous gift. We use it to love, feel joy and laughter, listen to music, see nature, move, read, do meaningful work, and rest. If we think of time as a treat to be savored, we can become fully present and perhaps recognize how wonderful it is to be alive. But for all of us, the key is this: instead of focusing on how little time we have, we can appreciate it as a powerful and empowering gift. Our relationship with time is one of the most important we have. And just like every relationship, we need to be present for it to be entirely ours.
source ; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/ blog/what-the-wild-things-are/202112/timemay-fly-but-youre-the-pilot
Daddy Said...
"Men are supposed to protect women but unfortunately women find themselves protecting themselves from men."
"real men protect their women, they don't abuse them."
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