“It is my mission to help you discover the silenced and often suppressed woman resting within and infuse a desire to live courageously without reservation or regrets.”
Before my feet hit the floor in the morning, I smile and stretch. I can’t recall where I read about it, but smiling first thing in the morning sets the tone for the new day. I look at it as welcoming the joy promised to come in the morning. The list of benefits from stretching is too long to list not to mention it just feels so good. I’m spoiled with a skylight right above my bed allowing me to see the vastness of the sky and a few trees peeping back at me. It’s a new day! I’m alive and well one more day on the great planet Earth. This is reason enough to celebrate because everyone isn’t offered the privilege to open their eyes and smile in the morning. Don’t get me started!
laVender shedrick williams Owner, Candy Publishing Creator of The Other Woman
https://www.facebook.com/lavender.williams/
When I think of rebirth, I think of new beginnings and transformation. I consider my own rebirth experiences beginning with childbirth. Oh my! Motherhood introduced me to a woman within me I didn’t know existed. Menopause was another major rebirth experience for me. Meeting the “older” woman has been eye-opening. I didn’t know I had it in me to not give a damn and use my voice to a higher degree. You go, girl. My divorce has definitely been a rebirth adventure. Not only was The Other Woman birthed but my courage and independence soared to new heights while relearning to live single. Also, walking in my newfound worth has given me a new attitude.
There were countless rebirth experiences between motherhood and divorce. I could write a book! My past pain, healing, and enlightenment have invited rebirth opportunities. Rebirth is recurring. Each new day offers moments for newness. Our mental and physical health are impacted and can we talk about sexual health? My most recent rebirth involves a healthier living lifestyle. I’ve become almost radical about what enters my body. When you’ve been given another chance to do better...you better do better. I serve a God of ANOTHER chance. Calm down laVender.
There are no do-overs in the one life we’ve been gifted, but in my world, newness can birth from a simple thought, a conversation, meeting a stranger, and even reading. I hope reading The Other Woman gives you a glimmer of light and new perspectives as you navigate your issues of life. Remember, nothing remains the same and neither do we. We will evolve until the day we take our last breath. Be aware of your daily rebirth encounters- not just the big, obvious ones. We have a choice to embrace the lessons each one offers or remain the same. Let’s agree to grow together and strengthen our bond in womanhood.
It’s time for REVIVAL - RENEWAL - RESURRECTIONRESTORATION - REGENERATION - REBIRTH
“Every sunset is an opportunity to reset. Every sunrise begins with new eyes.”
Richie Norton
Patches of pain
Memories of mess
Scars of sadness
Lines of loss
Wrinkles of worry
Courage confined
Posture of the past
Thoughts untamed
Craving change
Today is fresh
Another chance
Begin again
Deep within Is a refined and better you
REBIRTH
©The Other Woman
The sweet and innocent beauty of the Lily Flower has given it association of fresh life and REBIRTH
You’ll see several images of the Lily throughout this issue
The Other Woman is published three times a year by Candy Publishing. Visit the website to read archived articles on our blog and to meet the team of writers behind TOW.
www.theotherwomanmagazine.com
Team TOW
Julia T. Cadenhead (CAPT, CHC, USN (Ret.) 06 Resilience
Robert L Congress 52 Just Get Over It!
Brittany Leigh Davis
14 Memories Of A Golden Girl
Lara McKnight
Vernon Watson
50 Man’s Animal Instincts
#whoisshe
20
Be resilient like the lilies of the field. Their lovely blooms sway in the breeze; their stems bend and bow in the wind. And, when the season ends, they dry up and disappear.
Some things end. Somehow, somewhere, the life you know is going to change, maybe even disappear. You can expect sad and hurt feelings…the terrible pain of disarray – a crazy mood may bend and blow in the wind… better one day; worse the next. Why hold on?
As the season changes the lilies come back again. They are perineal. Are you familiar with that word?
What are some of the things have you come back from; what in your life have you suffered through – loss, grief, heartbreak – and survived?No. I’m not talking about a winter/summer thing, either. We’re not plants for heaven’s sake. No. But we can be perineal... like the lilies.
Matthew 6:28
“Every moment is a fresh beginning.” T.S.Eliot
For a long time, women have been considered the weakest of the sexes just because everyone thinks that we’re always emotional and extremely expressive. Others even think that we don’t have the ability to control our thoughts and how we react to different things and situations that come our way.
Although these stereotypes have their realistic (yet obsolete) basis, they do not really define what it actually means to be a woman and how these unique characteristics of emotional mastery can expertly be used as a weapon to survive life and triumph over every challenge that it throws at us.
Emotional and mental strength are what make women more powerful and more adaptable to any environment but not everyone was lucky enough to learn the skills that can be harnessed from these unique strengths.
If you’re a woman or if you have a woman in your life you care about, this article will be extremely helpful in discovering the hidden assets that every member of womanhood can benefit from. Let these empowering tips on how to be an emotionally and mentally strong woman change your life forever.
1. First, identify your weaknesses and learn from them. Remember that you’re weak not
because you’re a woman but because you’re just a human being – just like everyone else. You can learn a lot from your weaknesses and instead of grieving over the things that you cannot do, use them as stepping stones towards knowing yourself better. Deep knowledge of the self can give you a better understanding of what you need to change and to grow as an individual.
2. Never let stereotypes break your spirit.
Women have been considered weak and inferior to men but these stereotypes are just labels and they cannot hinder you from achieving your goals – unless you let them. As women, we have a better understanding of ourselves because we’re more in touch with our emotions. As mentioned before, this exclusive self-knowledge can be helpful in improving several aspects of ourselves mentally and psychologically.
3. Take control of your life and be whatever you need to be. Don’t let other people speak for you and never let them decide what you deserve. Set your own standards and be confident in defying unfair expectations. For instance, your role in a romantic relationship should not be limited to being a damsel in distress. You can be an emotionally strong partner who can be there for your significant other when times are
rough, or you can be the knight in shining armor that can scare away the monsters under your own bed.
4. Realize that nothing is too ambitious if you just do your best.
One of the habits that any woman can do to be mentally and emotionally strong is to focus on a more positive way of thinking especially when trying to achieve a seemingly impossible goal. If someone will tell you that you’re being too ambitious, then prove them wrong and let your success do the talking.
5. Expect love and friendship to hurt sometimes.
Strong women cry, too – and it’s okay. Relationships with other people can hurt at times but being a strong woman doesn’t mean that you should not drop your guard and cry your heart out. You have to give what your emotion demands and by doing so, you are teaching yourself to be more familiar, to be resilient–and to eventually be stronger the next time you are faced with similar circumstances.
6. You don’t have to be strong all the time.
In relation to the previous section, an emotionally strong woman doesn’t have to be harder than steel all the time. It’s okay to take your armor off and rest your sword.
Everyone deserves a break from fighting and surviving their daily battles. Emotional and mental strength can be learned by accepting your own vulnerability as a person and as a woman.
7. Give up when you know it’s not worth it. There’s no shame in being a quitter especially if you’re fighting for something that’s not really worth the fight. For instance, it’s okay to give up on an endeavor that’s causing you more harm than good. Another example is when you’ve been trying to fix a relationship and instead of making you feel happy, it’s actually sucking the happiness out of you. Have the strength to let it go.
8. Don’t let others call you weak just because you’re a woman. Women have always been portrayed as victims and weaklings not capable of standing up for themselves but the popularity of strong women in the modern world has rendered these stereotypes ridiculous and
obsolete. Just like them, you have the power to redefine these labels that have limited women everywhere to be the best versions of themselves. Stand proud and break boundaries.
9. Be kind to yourself because you deserve it. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself just to prove other people wrong. Take your time and do things at your own pace without minding what others expect from you. Being kind to yourself will help you achieve a more stable and healthy emotional state that can improve your overall wellbeing. Furthermore, learn to forgive yourself whenever you fail at something.
10. Refuse to be silenced. Express your thoughts and be more confident with what you have to say. Most people think that women are overly emotional creatures incapable of controlling their thoughts but the truth is, we are the experts at understanding others especially on a deeper
level. At the same time, such ability to be in touch with our emotions lets us think of better and more realistic ways to take on life and the trials that come with living.
There are different ways to define a ‘strong woman’ and even if it’s true that we are often depicted as more emotional and expressive beings compared to men, this definition doesn’t have to decide how we should live our lives.
It’s time that we showed the world that we are more than just victims, that we are not just princesses waiting to be saved. It’s high time that we proved everyone wrong by achieving what they thought was impossible in the history of womanhood: stand strong and let the world see that we are capable of greater things.
Q. What has been the most challenging part of your life?
A. Overcoming fears that hold me back. This is still something I am working on, but I have come a really long way. I have a lot of fears, but my biggest one is losing my parents. I still look to them for advice.
Strangely, choosing to take a job as a corrections officer at a county jail has changed me more than I ever thought it would. I have a thicker skin than ever before. I don’t think that it has hardened me, but it has shown me how a person can adapt to anything. If I had had this same mindset when I was younger, I probably would have taken chances on things that I was afraid of back then because I believed I couldn’t handle it.
The most challenging part of my job (corrections officer) is witnessing people at their lowest points and knowing that it could happen to anyone. Knowing some people will turn their life around, but that they will be the exception. It’s also challenging to sometimes take the brunt of those people’s frustration
Q.. Are you living your life unapologetically?
A. I feel like I’m living my life as unapologetically as I can. I know I’m not living the typical lifestyle of a woman my age (32), but I kind of like that. It’s good not to have to depend on anyone.
Q. Is there a defining moment that helped you become the woman you are today?
A. I regret going to college. I went because that’s what you were supposed to do after high school. I spent eight years in college (for a four year degree). My major was changed several times and I dropped several classes more than once. College was the unhappiest time in my life because of how directionless I felt. When I finally graduated, there was no celebration; I didn’t even walk. Job offers didn’t flood in, and I couldn’t even get an interview for positions in my field. My advisor told me I should go to grad school in order to get a job, and that was an immediate “no thank you!”While I’m grateful for the knowledge I gained, I would give it up not to be in tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt that has only gotten me a dollar raise at my current job.
Q. Do you have a desire to marry and have children?
A. Being a mother has never been a dream of mine. It’s something I could take or leave, but I feel like that’s just a sign that it’s probably not meant for me. As far as marriage, the only benefit to that, in my opinion, is taxes. I feel like it’s kind of an outdated concept. I’m not opposed to a relationship without getting the government involved, though.
Q. Do you have any future goals?
A. I plan to travel more, build my wealth and happiness, and to hopefully change my career in the near future.
Q. What is your greatest passion in life?
A. My greatest passion is my creativity. I enjoy
writing and drawing, but my ingrained purpose is helping and saving animals. I would call it an almost unwilling passion.
Q. What would you tell your younger self?
A. I would definitely tell myself to go to trade school. And I would tell myself that things always get better.
Q. If someone had to introduce you to a crowd of strangers, what would you like them to say?
A. The idea of someone introducing me to a crowd of strangers is kind of horrifying. But I would hope they would say flattering things about me even if they aren’t true, and let everyone know that I am not taking questions at this time, so that I may leave immediately. Such is the life of an introvert.
Q. Favorite quote or mantra?
A. No favorite quote or mantra comes to mind but I do like this piece of advice I heard once. It explained how thoughts were nothing more than simply thoughts and that they can exist independently of you. Basically, your thoughts are not reality, and they’re not your emotions, just little things passing through your mind.
To separate your physical self from your thoughts, you focus on your breathing, the expansion of your lungs and the air passing through your nostrils. which reminds you of your aliveness and your being. This has stuck with me since I heard it and I use it often.
All my life I have heard, “you’re so quiet”, “I never hear you talk.” Normally those are the ones who talk too much. It’s good and even advantageous to just sit back and listen sometimes. More people should try it. Being “quiet” is not bad.
Have you ever heard someone misuse or mispronounce a word, but their use was so much better than the actual word that you didn’t want to correct them? This has happened to me on several occasions. It’s always really cute to hear small kids mispronounce words because it’s usually a heartfelt effort to say what (for them) is a difficult word.
For instance my oldest grandchild repeatedly requested “buggles” for bath time, and ‘Gwanny’ made sure she had plenty of them. I also did not correct her for quite some time. Gwanny privileges. My kids also had difficulty with words like refrigerator which sounded more like “fridga freightor” or collard greens which sounded like “holling greens” and another house favorite was my youngest asking, “Are you annoying (ignoring) me?” I would always respond, “I don’t know son, am I?” For kids that’s okay but when an adult commits the same offense somehow it’s far less acceptable and incredibly more hilarious. Also, the mishap with adults should be corrected so that the verbal blunder doesn’t get passed down to the
next generation. Personally, for years I thought that “sho-ance” was a real thing. Hearing my aunt tell her friends about this mysterious entity was always a treat. She was extremely passionate about it too, the only thing she ever got more serious about was BB King. Now she had plenty of this invisible “sho-ance” stuff, she said so often and was adamant that it should be a part of every household and that those who lacked it were destined to not do as well as others. I was almost 12 years old when i realized that all those years she had actually been saying insurance. Other times the word comes totally out of left field. Last week I was talking to a friend about TV shows and out of nowhere he said, “Well how many ‘prescriptions’ do you have?” We had a good laugh about the ‘subscriptions’ mishap but we later realized they may actually be prescriptions because you pay for them to somehow make you feel better.
Another friend once told me that she saw an object moving in her ‘perennial’ vision. The thought of small seasonal flowers enhancing our view in life is quite pleasing, but I had to tell her that she in fact does not see flowers from the corners of
her eyes. While those were cute and funny, the one that makes me laugh out loud every time, is the time a co-worker was talking about his wife’s job and he said she was going to an autopsy(biopsy) for some sesames. It was at that point that we agreed he’s never allowed to bring a covered dish to any potluck. You never know what may come out of an autopsy, and he favors the good paper plates. Oh, and for the record, I’ve now got plenty of “sho-ance” too. I know she’d be proud.
Born, raised, and educated in Jacksonville, Fl. I joined the military after graduation and settled in Pensacola, Florida following my discharge. I then successfully raised three children. My comedy is born from real life events and everyday experiences, but mainly it’s just my coping mechanism for life.
Follow MzUndastood on Fb
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Laughing makes people feel good for a reason. Studies have shown that laughter boosts the immune system and triggers the release of pleasure-inducing neurochemicals in the brain. The immune system, which contains special cells that are responsible for defending the body against infection, have been shown to increase during the act of laughing. In the central nervous system, the brain releases powerful endorphins as a result of laughing. Endorphins are natural, morphine-like compounds that raise the pain threshold, produce sedation and induce euphoria (commonly called a “natural high”.) In other words, we feel better when we laugh because endorphins reduce physical and mental pain. While this may be a wonderful feeling, laughing has other benefits as well:
- During a laugh, respiration, heart rate and blood pressure temporarily rise. This causes oxygen to surge through the bloodstream that then results in lower blood pressure.
- Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
- Laughter reduces pain and allows toleration of discomfort. Laughter reduces blood sugar levels, increasing glucose tolerance in diabetics and non-diabetics alike.
- Laughter relaxes the whole body, relieving tension and stress. It has been shown that following a good, hearty laugh, muscles in the body are relaxed for up to 45 minutes afterward.
- Laughing burns calories – laughter is sometimes referred to as “inner jogging”. A hearty laugh gives the muscles of the face, chest, shoulders, stomach and diaphragm a good workout.
Laughter also helps to create a positive mood. It allows the expression of happiness and the release of anxiety. Humor eases tension and is a great antidote to a stressful situation. Laughter is often seen as a temporary vacation from everyday problems, bringing us to a paradise in which worries do not exist. Humor and laughter are natural safety valves that shut off certain hormones that are released during stressful situations. In fact, your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health. source: https://caregiver.com/articles/laughter-is-the-best-medicine/
like Betty White, that just goes to show how legendary and lovable she was!
Betty White and I have something in common. I’m a passionate dog lover and Betty was a long-time friend of the animal species. There has even been a fund opened in her name the “Betty White Wildlife Fund”, which funds research and address wildlife disasters. I have even heard a story of when Hurricane Katrina hit, she paid a rescue team to go out and save all the animals left behind! She was quoted to saying, “Animals are near and dear to my heart, and I’ve devoted my life to trying to improve their lives.”
“Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.”
“I think older women still have a full life.”
“I have no regrets at all. None. I consider myself to be the luckiest old broad on two feet.”
“I may be a senior, but so what? I’m still hot.”
Friday, December 31, 2021 will forever be remembered as the day America lost her Golden Girl. News of Betty White’s passing came around noon that Friday afternoon and the world’s heart collectively broke. I met Betty White as Rose Nylund on the “Golden Girls”, she played the part so well that I fell in love with her and researched more of Betty’s roles. Through this search, I found many other iconic roles that she lent her talent to. Betty graced our television sets on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”, “Mama’s Family”, and “Hot in Cleveland”. On occasion, she graciously hosted shows such as “Saturday Night Live” and even guest starred on many television shows as herself!
Along with her long list of TV accomplishments, she also lent her many talents to the movie world! Including some of my favorites as Mrs. Delores Bickerman in “Lake Placid” and Grandma Annie in “The Proposal”. I have never personally met anyone who has ever said that they didn’t
Betty was the type of person who liked to make people happy and stay out of other people’s business. She once said, “Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much.” She always wanted people to smile, laugh, and make the best of the time they had on this Earth. Betty was one of the top people that I would have loved to meet in my lifetime. Every time you saw her, she always had that big smile on her face and had something to laugh about. She worked until the age of 99 and she never seemed to have anything to complain about or be ungrateful for.
So, here’s to you Betty, thank you for all the good and light you put into this world. Thank you for always having the courage to stay true to you and never finding the need to change. Thank you for brining life to so many iconic characters that brought happiness to all who watched you. Thank you for being a friend!
“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
“My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’”
“My philosophy for staying young is [to] act bubbly every day, drink bubbly every birthday!”
“You know people who are already saying, ‘I’m going to be 30 – oh, what am I going to do?’ Well, use that decade! Use them all!”
“Everybody needs a passion. That’s what keeps life interesting. If you live without passion, you can go through life without leaving any footprints.”
“You’re never too old for anything.”
“Does desire melt away with age? I’m waiting for that day to come.”
You can’t stop the aging process, but why would you want to?
Aging is a privilege many do not get.
The easiest way to find your pelvic floor muscles is when you’re on the toilet. Try to stop the flow of urine mid-pee - if you successfully manage to stop it, you’ve found your pelvic floor! It’s important to only do this for a second or two, and not to do it repeatedly, as it can cause bladder issues if you do it too often.
You could also do this with an imaginary pee - try to imagine you’re stopping the flow without actually being on the toilet. You can insert a finger inside your vagina to feel your muscles squeezing and ensuring you’re working the right ones.
Pelvic floor exercises
Now you’ve identified where your pelvic floor is, it’s time to strengthen it. You may also have heard them referred to as Kegel exercises, as they were developed in the 1940s by Dr Arnold H. Kegel, as a non-surgical way for men and women who suffered from urinary incontinence. Kegels and pelvic floor exercises are the same thing - so whatever you want to call them, here’s how to do pelvic floor exercises, step by step.
Pelvic floor exercises for women
Step 1: Find a comfortable seat
Step 2: Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles and try to draw them up
inside you (it should feel as though you’re lifting them up)
Step 3: Hold each squeeze for a couple of seconds, or count to 8
Step 4: Release and relax - you should have a feeling of ‘letting go’
Repeat these exercises 10 to 15 times around 3 times a day for best results.
You can also buy pelvic floor trainers that you can use instead (or as well) as doing these simple exercises. It’s recommended that you consult a medical professional before you start using any of these devices, such as an OB-GYN, urogynecologist, urologist or pelvic floor physiotherapist. They will be able to assess if you have any issues such as pelvic floor relaxation or tightness, and will be able to advise you about what option is best for you.
Pelvic floor exercises when pregnant
If you’re pregnant, it’s a good idea to strengthen your pelvic floor. That’s because your muscles will naturally loosen as your hormones change, which may lead to leaking when you laugh, sneeze, cough or exercise.
If you’re planning to get pregnant, you might want to start doing exercises in advance, to get into a good routine. Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles will not only help you during your pregnancy, but it can also support you to have an easier labour, and faster recovery after birth. Check out more tips in our post, on things to know before planning a pregnancy.
It’s safe to exercise your pelvic floor while you’re pregnant, and you can use the method mentioned above. You might also want to try slower squeezes, which will support your growing baby and the organs in your pelvis. You can also try this method method below which is suitable for all women, not just expectant mothers!
Step 1: Slowly squeeze your pelvic floor, lifting your muscles up and in
Step 2: Keep lifting up through your pelvis, into your tummy
Step 3: Hold for 4 seconds, then release slowly - If it’s too hard to hold for 4 seconds initially, start off by holding it for less time and building up to a 4-second hold Repeat regularly and gradually increase the amount of time you hold the squeeze.
Your pelvic floor muscles can weaken during pregnancy, due to the weight of your baby pressing down on them. If you have a vaginal delivery, then your muscles can weaken or stretch even further. It’s safe to start doing pelvic floor exercises the day or two after you give birth. You don’t need to do exercises in a different way post-partum, but it’s a good idea to train your muscles in different positions, sitting, standing, and lying down. This applies to everyone - not just new mothers.
You don’t need to have a vagina to train your pelvic floor! Here are some pelvic floor exercises for men:
Step 1: Draw your muscles in - it can be helpful to imagine that you’re lifting the base of your scrotum up while shortening your penis
Step 2: You should feel a lifting sensation as you draw your muscles up inside you
Step 3: Hold for a count of 3
Step 4: Let go and relax - you should feel like you’re ‘letting go’
Repeat these exercises 10 to 15 times around 3 times a day for best results.
For both men and women, it’s important that you don’t hold your breath while squeezing your muscles - make sure to keep breathing. Try not to tighten your buttocks and stomach while squeezing, and keep your thighs relaxed.
How long does it take to strengthen pelvic floor?
You should notice a difference after a few weeks or months of regular pelvic floor training, but it’s important to keep doing them even after noticing a difference. You can gradually start to build up how many you do per day, starting with just a few then working your way up to 3 sets of 15 per day. No one can tell when you’re working on your pelvic floor, unlike exercises you might do to strengthen other muscles. That means you can do them anywhere and everywhere! Why not try them when standing in line in the grocery store, sitting at your desk, or watching TV?
source: www.naturalcycles.com
“I’m having a problem — down there.”
“My good girl is itchy.”
“My v-jay-jay hurts.”
“My huh-huh isn’t right.”
Saying the word “vagina” out loud, even to your doctor, appears to be one of the final frontiers when it comes to taboo topics. My patients have no problem saying “bladder,” “breasts,” or “throat.” But when it comes to discussing specifics about genitals, some women just can’t spit out the words.
And women who can’t comfortably say the word “vagina” have an even harder time talking about a vagina that is dry, painful, bleeding, or the source of incredible agony. So it’s not just saying the word: It’s the very topic that many women have trouble with, No one hesitates to say to a friend, “I keep getting these headaches,” “I’m not sleeping very well lately,” or “I’m a little worried about my swollen feet.”But when was the last time you admitted to a coworker, “My vagina smells funny,” or had the courage to say to a close friend, “Barbara, my vagina has been really dry lately. How’s yours?”
I applaud efforts to normalize the word vagina, but I would like to take it a step further. Ninety percent of the time, when a woman talks about her vagina, she’s really talking about her vulva — the external genital tissues — as opposed to the internal structure that no one but a gynecologist sees. When a woman tells me she has a sore or a rash on her vagina, 100 percent of the time the sore is actually on her vulva. When a woman complains that she does not have a “pretty” vagina (a whole other topic), she’s almost always referring to her labia, which anatomically is part of her vulva, not her vagina.
It’s a sad truth that most women not only can’t say the words out loud — they also don’t have basic knowledge of their own anatomy. Guys, of course, have the distinct advantage of being able to inspect their genitalia with essentially no effort on their part. For women, not only is it a little more mysterious, but they also have not been given “permission” to explore or understand their sexual body parts.
If you live in Montgomery, Alabama, you’ve probably seen this “lady with the camera” at some community event, celebration, meeting or maybe a protest. The Other Woman magazine recognizes her as the community photographer. and it was an honor to interview her . Please meet , Jill Friedman
Q. What brought you to Montgomery, AL and how long have you been here?
A. Having never been in the South yet a long supporter of SPLC and more recently EJI, I visited Montgomery in 2016. Quite serendipitously, I met some amazing people my first evening in town as a tourist and thought that Montgomery would be a good place to land in retirement. Affordability and activism opportunities were high on my list of why to move here. I made the move to live here permanently in 2018.
Q. What do you like most about Montgomery?
A. I’m most attracted to the optimism that moves people here to work for a more just and equal society. Although Alabama seems to be the reddest of the red states, activists here continue to resist hate and take action to build a better way, or as John Lewis always said, “to create the beloved community.”
Q. What or who sparked your interest in photography and how old were you?
A. I grew up in a household that subscribed to Life magazine and I was drawn to the photos published in every issue for as long as I can remember. The power of visual storytelling resonated with me, particularly as seen/felt in photographs by Dorothea Lange and Gordon Parks. I started taking photos as a pre-teen and continue to this day.
Q. You’re at almost every event In Montgomery voluntarily taking pictures. Why?
A. Well, I’m not really at ‘almost every event’ but I do get to more than most people do and I generally have my camera with me. I use the camera to uplift, to educate, to include, and to contribute to the community. I try to share a true version of Montgomery, the joy and sometimes the pain; the struggles, including the wins and the losses, but mostly the beauty that exists in this diverse community. Documenting current events, from protests to parades and all things in between, is my current form of activism.
Q. Do you have other hobbies or interests besides photography.?
A. I’ve always enjoyed outdoor activities though weather-
wise it’s a bit more difficult here in the South - too hot in the summer and too cold/damp in the winter. Each year that I’m here I acclimate a bit better to these vast extremes.
Q. Is there one photo you’ve taken that stands out from the rest? Why?
A. While almost impossible to pick just one photo out of the many, many thousands that I’ve taken, I do have a few favorites that are framed on my walls at home. Some are of birds, like the one of a great blue heron flying just about the water in Blount Park here in Montgomery. Others are of children in places that I’ve lived and/or traveled, especially the photos that show the emotions children so freely express in public.
Q. Is there a photo you’re most proud of?
A. I’m proud of all the photos that I share. I keep the other photos private.
“I take photos for the love of doing it and sharing with the community. Photography has never been my occupation; it’s my heart work.”
Jill Friedman
Q.. Is there a place or person you desire to photograph?
A. I photograph very much in the present tense. That is, I’m happy taking photos wherever I am, with little preconceived notions of the who/what I’ll actually photograph that day. It is fun, though, when I’m in a position to photograph people that I admire. Like the time I photographed Senator Elizabeth Warren among the crowd at the bridge crossing in Selma.
Q. You capture moments and experiences, not just faces. What do you credit that ability to?
A. I’ve been told that I photograph from the heart, which was a lovely observation. I simply immerse myself in the moment and pay full attention to the people around me. Less taking photos of people and more taking photos with people. My photos show you exactly how I see the world, so I take your question as a great compliment.
Q. What has been your most challenging shoot (if any)?
A. Night time events are difficult for me. Lighting is everything and the darkness of night is very challenging for me.
Q. What would you say to those interested in becoming a photographer?
A. Get a camera (or use your phone!) and start taking photos. Let the lens open your eyes and heart to the world outside of you and share what you see with others.
Jill also takes breathtaking landscape shots! The one above captures not only her love for nature, but also shows her appreciation for it. ‘The Other Woman is proud to share that this issue’s back cover model’s photos were taken by none other than photographer extraordinaire, Jill Friedman, Montgomery’s own community photographer,
If you live in Montgomery, Alabama or
attended any community events and have seen the “lady with the camera” chances are she has seen you too! Visit her Facebook page and you may see some familiar faces amongst her countless number of photos!
“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever... it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
- Aaron Siskind
At 22 years old, Angela Grant a senior at Faulkner University not only aggressively handles the basketball on the court, but she has a good handle on her life off the court. Angela is quick and gives credit to those who have guided her on her journey.
Q. What is the best advice your parents gave you?
A. If God is not at the center of any relationship you have, it will not last and may leave your heart broken.
Q. At what age did you begin to take an interest in basketball?
A When I was four years old.
Q. Who has been your biggest influencer with basketball?
A. My dad has been my biggest influence because he is the one that I watched growing up. He never pushed me to play basketball, but he did show me how to love and respect the sport.
Q. How did you choose Faulkner University?
A. I chose Faulkner, because I wanted to be at a university that allowed me to grow both academically and spiritually. Faulkner gave me a place to grow closer to God and get a bachelors and masters degree.
Q. What is your major?
A Undergrad degree in Exercise Science and Master in Business Administration
Q. What are your plans after college?
A. To get my strength and conditioning certification and then working to save money for physical therapy school.
Q. What is your dream job or career?
A. My dream job would be either becoming a physical
therapist or opening up my own strength and conditioning gym.
Q. What NBA and/or WNBA basketball players do you most admire?
A. I admire David Robinson the most because of how hard he played.
Q. Who is your favorite NBA team? WNBA?
A. My favorite NBA Team is the San Antonio Spurs and my favorite WNBA Team is the LA Sparks.
Q. Share a moment of diversity when you realized your strength.
A. After tearing my ACL twice within a year it was an extremely hard time trying to get back to playing again. There were a couple instances where I did not know who I was, but then I remembered that my identity is not found in basketball. It is instead found in my beliefs in Christ. Having this belief allows for me to face adversity and know that I will make it through, no matter how difficult it may be.
Q. What is your greatest fear?
“I think my biggest strength is my ability to bend instead of breaking when adversity strikes.”photo credit Carter Moles
Read the article on Angela winning SSAC Comeback Player of the Year. https://faulknereagles.com/news/2022/6/6/ womens-basketball-grant-wins-ssac-comebackplayer-of-the-year.aspx?fbclid=IwAR1uBii7aD 3lssL5Qqo-fnbc2vf1uz-oktLGKjogeyPrLzztx_ yQmdXE4MY
A. My greatest fear is letting the people that I care about the most down. Failing them would break my heart into a million pieces.
Q. What is your weakness?
A. My biggest weakness is overthinking situations. I assume the worst in certain situations that tend to drive me into an unhealthy head space.
Q. Has your height ever influenced your selfesteem?
A. Growing up in a family where everyone is over six-foot tall, my height never really bothered me. I was always taught that my height made me unique and gave me the ability to stand out from other people. I always wore my height as a badge of honor. So many women wear heels to be taller and God gave me them built in!
Q. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your body image?
A. I would rate my body image a nine. I believe that you can want better for yourself, but it’s important to love yourself at every part of the journey to become who you are wanting to be.
Q. What would you tell other young, tall girls who are not comfortable with their height?
A. God created you to stand out and make a difference. Your height is beautiful and it gives you the ability to be a light to others in the lowest of places.
Q. Do you have a desire to marry and have children one day?
A. Yes, I do desire to get married and have children one day.
Q. If you have children would you encourage them to play sports? Why or why not?
A. Yes I would encourage them to play sports, because it builds so many skills that they will need for the real world. Being a part of a team allows children to learn how to find their role and to become the best they can be at that role. Working with a team occurs in all occupations,
so it is important to have these skills before entering into the workforce.
Q. If you could travel to any place in the world where would it be and why?
A. I would love to take a trip to Israel so that I could walk the same places that Jesus walked and ministered.
Q. Do you have a favorite quote or mantra?
A. “You better watch those people that bounce back from everything that was meant to destroy them! Those are God’s people and they are no to be played with.”
Q. Do you have a favorite book?
A. Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis
Q. Do you have a mentor?
A. Jeremy Smith, the Information Director of Sports at Faulkner is my mentor. He has introduced me to the world of sport broadcasting and played a major role in me getting baptized into Christ.
Q. Share something about yourself that others may not know about you.
A. Even though I am six-foot three, I am TERRIFIED of heights!
Continued from Stand By Your Man Pt 1 in Vol 4 Issue 2 (Don’t Judge Her Journey)
As I mentioned in the first part of my story, I didn’t see any red flags and I don’t think there were, but I felt like I allowed the most important years of my life to slip by while supporting my husband’s dreams. I was approaching thirty and had to make some decisions.
After many tears, prayer and contemplation, I realized I didn’t have a decision to make. My husband asked for a divorce, so what was I supposed to do? Beg him to stay with me? I did; however, ask if counseling was an option for him. He refused counseling as a couple, but reluctantly mentioned he had been in counseling for a couple months. He said he knew he loved me but didn’t know why he wanted a divorce. He admitted it wasn’t me, but didn’t know what was going on with him.
I pray he finds his way and I hope his counseling will give him a change of heart about wanting a divorce. We’ve built so much together, it would be devastating to have to walk away from it all. He’s too young for a mid-life crisis, so I ‘m concerned. Men don’t talk openly, but I’m grateful he is getting help. That’s a huge step for him to take.
All of this made me realize that men have emotions and personal issues, too. The hustle and bustle of life can get to be too much. Being called a power couple is nice, but what happens when one runs our of power and the other doesn’t notice? I initially took it personal when he asked for a divorce. It didn’t cross my mind to ask if something was going on with him - I was concerned about me and my feelings. Of course, I thought he had an affair, but thank God cheating isn’t something he’s shown any signs of in the past..
I’ll stick around and try not to get in the way, but make myself available; After all, he is my best friend and that’s what friends are for.
At age 34, Julie Carter was diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer. One of the most optimistic women you could ever meet, her mantra is Don’t Die Before You Die. As a mother, author, realtor, and life coach, Julie is passionate about motivating others to achieve “the impossible.”
Now at age 39, Julie is busier than ever. She gave birth to miracle rainbow boy/girl twins in 2021. She not only talks the talk of motivation and inspiration, she walks the walk with daily walks at 6am with her 11.7K and growing TikTok followers. That’s not all! You can catch Julie in action in her home during one of her TikTok live segments sharing the reality of her life raising her children. From changing diapers to resting in bed after a rough day of ups and downs living with incurable cancer. Besides ongoing chemo treatments, Cancer hasn’t slowed Julie down much. As founder and CEO of EDUENTIAL, her life coaching services (holding clients accountable for their life decisions) continues to thrive along with her career as a realtor. If you’re in the Virginia area and you’re looking to buy or sell a home, contact Julie!
There are several things that motivate Julie to get up and live her life to the fullest every day, but hearing her say, “Not having my mom bury me” explains her “living to inspire” attitude. If you need a shot of inspiration to begin your day or help staying focused on your goals, follow Julie on her social media platforms or contact her for a consultation! linktr.ee/eduential
My aunt’s passing was not expected. She was a very private person and didn’t even tell those closest to her that she had been battling a terminal illness. Minutes after she took her last breath, I stood in her hospital room staring at her. She looked like she was peacefully sleeping, so I told her to get up! There was no way this was happening. I was perplexed and in that moment, unwilling to accept the fact that we would never share another laugh, conversation, or hug. Why didn’t she say how ill she was? Why didn’t she ask for help? Why didn’t she let the family in? I was angry with her. Little did I know, I was about to have an experience that would change my anger to understanding.
I later had a health issue that I thought would improve with a quick trip to my primary physician and a simple prescription. This was not the case. I had a staff infection that would test my faith and my sanity. I’ve never experienced this much pain in my life. The pain was intense, constant, and debilitating. Walking, sitting, and sleeping was painful, I was miserable and depressed. My healing journey was challenging to say the least. Pain medication didn’t help much and I began to believe there was something else wrong with me. I asked family members to accompany me to doctor’s appointments. My husband researched everything from pain management to side effects of pain medication. Coworkers and friends prayed for
me and over me. Many observations were made and many lessons were learned during my ordeal. I learned that oftentimes, we can expect too much from others. There were times when I was so depressed and hurting so badly that my own pain and needs were all I could see. I realized that those closest to us may not share our pain but they may be struggling with something that hinders their ability to give us the care and attention we believe we need. I recall someone telling me I should not be in so much pain because I was healing. I was frustrated with their statement because they did not realize what was happening behind the gauze and bandages. Many times we assume that by looking at a person from the outside, we can determine what they are feeling on the inside.
My healing journey also taught me that sometimes, our pain can exhaust people, but that doesn’t diminish the love they have for us. Oftentimes I could see the exhaustion in the eyes of family and friends while they politely asked what they could do to help. I understood that anytime someone had to do anything for me, it was more than likely a sacrifice, and that meant the world to me. At the same time, I hated the feeling of being a burden so I fought through the pain and did as much as I could on my own.
When dealing with pain, you will always run into those who believe your pain will end immediately after they give you the best advice in the world, pray the holiest prayer ever,
or consume their miracle potion or concoction. If their attempts to help you don’t immediately yield positive results, then YOU become the problem. It’s YOU that didn’t listen, don’t have faith, or didn’t do something right. Sometimes trying to manage an onslaught of unsolicited advice will discombobulate you quicker than the pain itself.
I rehearsed my mother’s words over and over during my darkest moments…”Baby, nothing stays the same, everything changes, just hold on to God’s unchanging hand.” So, that is what I did. I fought every urge to call my mother and just cry my eyes out. I talked to God, beared down, and faced my storm…knowing that nothing stays the same and that I had always been in the hands of the one who has all power in his hands.
Auntie, now I understand. Rest in peace.
Life presents opportunities to see people in many illuminations that showcase behaviors challenging to tolerate. I ask the question, could that be me? NO! To dominate people while making them feel inferior, unimportant, and less than others is offensive to me. Have you ever experienced people with a HUBRIS presence? Here find some interesting facts about them
excessive pride or self-confidence-conceit - conceitedness - haughtiness pride - vanity - self-importance
H - HAUGHTY- arrogantly superior and disdainful.
- proud - vain - arrogant- conceited -
U - UNIQUE - being the only one of its kind, unlike anything else.- distinctive - individual - special - idiosyncratic - quirkyeccentric - isolated
B - BIGHEADED – a person who thinks that they are more important or smarter than they are:
-blowhard - egotist - showoff -trumpeter -know-it-all
R - RARE - (of an event, situation, or condition) not occurring very often.
- infrequent - few and far between- scarce - sparse -
I - IMPERIOUS - assuming power or authority without justification. arrogant and domineering, peremptory - highhanded- commanding - imperial - overbearing- overseeing
S - SELF-IMPORTANCE -an exaggerated sense of one’s own value or importance.
- prosperity - ego - egotism - vainglory
- vanity
What words would you use to assess your experience with a HUBRIS personality?
As a young child, a book, a pen, or a notebook full of stories was always in my hands. Golden Books, Dr. Seuss, and Mother Goose engaged my young mind. Then, one day my maternal grandmother gave me a book that would transform my perception of being a reader. She handed me a golden-like book with a fascinating African-American woman in a purple dress with lace on the sleeves and collar. She had on a bucket hat that looked like it was protecting her from the hot sun as she worked in dusty fields. She held a type of teapot she was opening as characters scrambled from each corner of the bottom of the book.
Her Stories by Virginia Hamilton was the book; the book introduced me to African-American Fairy Tales, the Supernatural,Folkways & Legends (Folkways and Legends are about women trying to find equality and live how they choose. These include legends, beliefs, and customs), and True Tales. All of these were passed down from generations of AfricanAmericans. It ignited my fire as a reader and a writer. I learned about my ancestors through this book and the art of storytelling. I read about cunning animals with human-like characteristics, strong women, and black mermaids who roamed the
oceans even before Disney decided to “write in” anything about black mermaids. I learned that we could be fairies and that we are magical. The illustrations by Leo & Diane Dillon were vibrant and inviting to my young eyes.
After reading Her Stories, I started reading more works by Virginia Hamilton and searching for books with illustrations by Leo & Diane Dillon. They did another collaboration, and it was called The People Could Fly: American Black Folktales. It was another great work dealing with the art of retelling African-American stories. Once again, Hamilton wrote with so much feeling and imagery.
Her Stories helped me gain selfidentity, and I discovered that I was beautiful, I could make mistakes, words could hurt me, and I could be knowledgeable and wise. I read that story multiple times until the book was torn.
I realized that books by Dr. Seuss and Golden Books could not help me manifest this revelation similarly. I never realized that a child reading this book, reading many others like it, and engaging in specific illustrations could produce self-love. Creating a healthy sense of self-image/self-love starts now. Children of color face so many unfavorable comparisons of themselves. Let us change that perception. We must discuss the importance of children knowing who they are, what they are, and whom they’re becoming. Let us teach children that greatness comes
from within and that loving yourself is the most important thing. Books and art can be the gateways to helping us develop our passions.
“I call myself a wordkeeper or a keeper of words. I enjoy words and looking at them on all sides… Words are magnificent… They form rhythms of living in meaningful prose… It is the force of my desire to make myself understood, that powers these words.”
Miss T’s Book Room is a non-profit that started as an informative blog about books in 2015. Our mission is to distribute diverse books and art supplies to young people in surrounding communities. It was started because of the lack of diverse books in local libraries, bookstores, schools, and homes. We also provide education about the importance of quality, diverse literature, reading, and creativity.
Read more about the founder, Kioka Tuck
https://www.misstsbookroom. com/about-the-founder
Today I begin my journey of exploration, discovery, and liberation. Today I start the process of loosening the chains that have kept me bound.
Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who do I dare to be?
My mind is made up. I am whoever I say I AM.
I AM a gifted creation. I AM made of all that is and all that will be. HE imagined me; therefore, I AM complete.
I AM open and receptive to the gifts of the universe. Every good thing I imagine is seeking me. Every good thing I imagine is already mine.
Today I declare I AM a writer. Words, His words, flow over, in, as and through me in great torrents, loosening and freeing the creative genius within.
I AM a voice...a gifted voice...a mighty and compelling voice for words that land like arrows in the hearts and minds of their targets.
I AM alive in the truest sense of the word...love in motion...joy personified...victory assured.
I AM mindful of the words I speak, for my words are creative. I AM mindful of the thoughts I think, for thoughts become things. I alone am responsible for the world I see, and I AM so incredibly happy to be wonderful and uniquely me!
Q. Share one of your rebirth experiences.
A. First time sleeping with a woman. As a teenager I never had many boyfriends, no interest, and sexually they suck, don’t taste,feel good. Having no feel or interest of something that is supposed to feel good. Getting the confidence and doing as I want to having sex with a woman opening my eyes to what is correct for ME.
Q. What do you like most about being a woman?
A. Our strength against pain! I have never had a child but just having my period..., WOW is all I can say about that one. Women - we are some tough cookies.
A. Australia, I don’t know much about the country yet it’s a place I’ve always wanted to see. The beauty of it looks so relaxing and fulfilling to me.
Q. What is the most challenging thing you’ve had to do in life?
A. Moving from Germany to the United States at thirteen years old. Having to leave my friends and family behind knowing I couldn’t grow up with them anymore. Barely knowing the language and not understanding why I already knew some things but just in a different way. To be away from my family and friends that have always been so close was really hard as a child.
She’s a long way from her hometown Schweinfurt, Germany. so what brings Vanessa to Montgomery where the southern drawl is nowhere similar to the German language she fluently speaks?
“What brought me to Montgomery? The Euro, it was very hard to make money. Pay was very low. My parents lived here so Montgomery was my choice.
Q. German is your first language. Do you get the opportunity to speak it often?
A. I speak it every day!
Q. If you could live any place in the world where would it be?
Q. What would you tell your younger self?
A. Learn to say NO early.
Q. What is your greatest life lesson?
A. Stay happy for yourself, you are the only one living your life.
Q. You’re single with no children. What do you like to do in your spare time?
A. I like to relax and chill, I go shoot pool with my best friend. I like doing puzzles and listening to
relaxing music. Traveling is always fun too; a weekend ride to the beach is a liking of mine. If the money is there, why not?
Q. What is your greatest strength and weakness?
A. My strength is I speak mostly as I think with respect and confidence. My weakness - Many times, I think I’m too nice.
Q. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
A I would stop doubting myself taking test, that’s why I think I suck at them
Q. What is your most attractive feature?
A. My arms.
Q. Which of your physical features do you least admire?
A. I know this might sound arrogant but I think my parents made a decent product.
Q. How would you introduce yourself?
A. This is Vanessa, a nice person that loves to smile and is sociable. Tells u the painful truth because lies hurt even more. If help is needed she will help, if there are questions she will find answers. And if there is a crunchy face she will get it to smile again, at least most of the time. Not being a morning person don’t bother her too early and if u have a problem she will try her best to lighten your day.
“Even if I fall on the ground and scrape my hands I’m smiling and glad I didn’t scrape my long nose.
Look back at what you’ve already overcome!
Adversity - Hardship - - Heartache
How did you do it? You never gave up! Keep going Reach beyond yourself Seek the light in darkness
You’re stronger than you realize
Someone is waiting to hear your story. Tell Your Truth
Antidepressants have been a part of my life for the last 25 years, so I can pretty much say that I am a connoisseur of medication treatments for depression. However, taking medication has been a challenge for me.
When I first started taking antidepressants, I was a young mother. I had just had a baby and all my focus was on my first child., I had a series of side effects consisting of nausea, upset stomach and the loss of concentration. I desperately needed to take care of my newborn and stay focused at work, so I felt it was better not to take the medication.
A little later in life, I dealt with an emotionally and mentally challenging marriage which contributed to a drastic decline with my mental health. My Primary Care Physician, who was also an Internal Medicine Doctor, did his best to try and control the antidepressant medications. I can honestly say that I’ve had pretty much every type of antidepressant out there on the market; however, since none of the many prescriptions worked, my PCP said it was time to seek psychiatric help since they could specialize in the type of medication I needed. Yes, I was that far gone (the marriage was literally sucking the life out of me).
Back then, it wasn’t socially accepted to seek psychiatric help. but at the rate I was going I didn’t care. I needed help. By the way I looked, my demeanor, my crying spells, and the actual conversation with the psychiatrist, there was no doubt I needed something to bring me out of the hell I was in. I was prescribed Paxil, the one medication I had not tried or heard of before. I took the medication as
prescribed and three weeks later, my psychiatrist didn’t even recognize me. I had life in my face and I was even able to smile, something I couldn’t do during my first visit. I took the medication for six straight years but I knew something was wrong because every time I missed a dose or two (unintentionally), I would feel bad -off balance and very nauseous. Once I took the medication again and it got into my system, I was okay..
After finally getting my divorce, I felt like I could possibly endure life without having to take pills, so I went cold turkey and stopped taking the Paxil. What a mistake that was! Dizziness, brain fog, electrical ‘zaps’ in my head (yes, that is a real feeling), headaches, nausea, loss of time, and fatigue. Everything drug addicts feel when going through withdrawals, I felt. I literally lost 45 days of my life.
After going through my own ‘rehab’, I began to slowly get my life back – drug free, but I still dealt with depression. As time went on, so did my stress level. Raising two children by myself was overwhelming to say the least and making sure they were taken care of while dealing with my mental capacity was heavy. I eventually returned to taking an anti-depressant to cope with everyday life;however, there was one incident that changed my perspective crucially.
In 2019, I began working on my second book while working a parttime job and I became plagued with excruciating pain from sciatica. I remarried and being a newlywed, living in a different state away from my children and friends, and diagnosed with chronic pain triggered my already overactive mind. I began to spiral downward. I was referred to a
new psychiatrist to ‘up’ my meds. Unbeknownst to me, the dosage was twice my regular normal. I took it as prescribed for weeks. I became a zombie unable to comprehend everyday tasks. My husband was helping me with a simple task on the computer to edit my book and I could not understand what he wanted me to do. As he looked at me, he was confused. Why couldn’t I do something I had done for over half of my life? It was then that the red flag went off; something was not right.
When I called the office explaining what I was feeling, they noticed my dosage was doubled instead of a gradual increase. The dosage was too high, and I could not function. I was traumatized!
To this day, I have been deeply affected by the over medication mistake. I still have days where I can’t comprehend simple stuff unless it is explained thoroughly. Because of that, I have chosen to ween off my anti-depressant. This unpleasant experience has put a different light on how much prescription drugs affected my mental performance. On the other end of the spectrum, though, I still have my rough days; more than I care to mention. And I do feel like I need that extra help … but.
Please understand that everyone is different. Medication affects people differently. If you are taking medication and it works for you, please continue. If you want to take medication, please do. Make sure you stay in contact with your physician regarding possible side effects. Don’t let my experiences deter you from the help you need. You know what you can tolerate and you know what you can’t. Make your own judgement. It is your life and you have control of YOU.
It's quiet, alone at home a few close friends, long gone. Graduation a few days away. Can’t walk due to stay at home mandates.
Achoo...
loss of taste and smell-- I have to quarantine. Fourteen days in bed: mad!
I quit my job for not taking proper steps.
Guilt crept, my job cost the well-being of my family and I. I was to blame, but a friend spoke kind words that made my day.
New job alert and a new place, too! It is going well. But wait...
here we go again--a new strand is out. My friend and her mother are ill. Put into a coma, they passed away five days apart. Sharp pain in my chest. Will I be able to live at all?
After all this…
Now I grow.
Jasmine Morganauthor of Spiritual Journey: Finding My Way(Vol I
http;//linktr.ee/jaelypoetry
https://www.facebook.com/JaelyPoetry
ROSIE L SHEDRICK
Adrug addict, cancer patient, rapist, murderer, wife beater, mental illness, alcoholic, or maybe someone diagnosed with Dementia or a bipolar disorder. I could go on and on naming the countless issues of life until I name one you can relate to. No one is exempt. We all deal with something. So, when you’re sitting next to someone, walking past someone, or even talking to a stranger be mindful of what that person might be dealing with. If you speak to someone and they don’t respond the way you think they should, don’t take it personal. Their lack of response may have nothing to do with you. You never know what it going on in a person’s mind. We can put a bandage on a physical wound, but not the mind.
Realizing this important life lesson usually happens as we age and mature into the reality of life. When we were young and fancy free, other people’s issues weren’t a concern and we probably didn’t know such issues existed. Life happens. We can’t see the future or live in the past, but one thing we know for sure is that there will be some good, bad, and ugly on our path.
There is no quick fix solution for anything we deal with and some of us may have to deal with issues that will last a lifetime such as mental health diagnoses. As a caretaker myself, I cope with love and understanding. You have to find what works for you to get you through the day. Take a walk, exercise, meditate, read, talk to a friend, or make someone else laugh or smile. Doing something for someone else may take your mind off your own problems. You are not alone!
Remember, everybody has something and it’s important to remember this when we interact with strangers, friends and family. Everyone is trying to live their life the best they know how. You may be limited to how much you can help others, but life can be easier on all of us if we use what I call the basic ingredients for living - love, kindness, patience, faith and prayer. The most important thing is to think about what someone else may be going through before your feelings are hurt. You’ll soon find out that it’s not about you. As my mother used to say, “Keep on living!”
“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete vision of all his thoughts.”
James Allen
Life used to be so simple. I never really stressed about anything, and love was in abundance. Of course, I was two years old. Now as a 52-year-old man I constantly wonder will I ever experience love again. Will my heart ever be full again? As a man I was raised in an era where men were told to suck it up, never ask for help, and no matter what never cry. Life has a way of humbling all of us. But how do I acknowledge my needs while dealing with depression?
I have been single for over 10 years now and I will be the first to admit that I am sick of it. There is nothing I would not do to be able to have a loving and naturing relationship. The problem I am faced with is being a man who battles with depression and being a man that most women expect me to be.
I am sure at first glance when people see, “single for over 10 years” most assume I was living the player lifestyle. Unfortunately, for me that was not the case. I have met women during that time span but most of the women I encountered wanted the image of a man that they have in their mind and not the man with scars that I am. My scars aren’t from past relationships but from my childhood and Navy life. I have done the necessary healing to get over all hurt from my past relationships.
I am a child of divorce. Many would say of that’s nothing, its common place now. Well, my world turned upside down. As a child of a Baptist preacher and an Educator my childhood was stripped from me by adults who were more concerned about getting the gossip from me as a child than protecting my innocence. That experience formed my need for trust above all else in a relationship. They
say words matter but words without action matter even more. While serving in the United States Navy I had one of my best friends get murdered and die in my arms. I felt helpless and felt as if I let my friend down because I was more focused on getting lucky with a woman than ensuring my friend was safe. I value friendship because the bond that a true friendship gives can not be replaced.
As a man I feel I am supposed to protect those around me I care about and right or wrong it is something I take seriously if I care or love you. As I have aged, I realize that I am human and not some robot. Years of trying to be this strong man that keeps everything inside because as a man I can never show weakness. Not even to those women in my life that I love. The moment I do show any signs of being human or having feelings, the image women have of me changes.
I understand that sometimes in a relationship you must suppress your feelings for your partners sake. After having several relationships and years of suppression, I am full. So many don’t get that while I am a strong man with desires to protect the ones I love, I too need to decompress. I have tried turning to friends and those who say they love me, but it never fails. The moment I share my innermost feelings, the image others have of me is shattered. My calls go unanswered, people become too busy to listen, and I am left to do what I always have done, keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. It’s something I have become used to, but it doesn’t feel good in my soul.
Just imagine never being able to share with someone that you love or are in love with your deepest and heartfelt feelings. Most of you can’t even imagine not being able to share because at the very least your man will listen. He may not always know what to say or how to comfort you but imagine never being able to share your feelings to the person you say I love you to. This is my life. It hurts and leaves me questioning will I ever find that love that I strongly desire.
I know I am not alone with how I feel but I refuse to settle just to say I have someone. I believe in love, and I believe that the love that I deserve is out there. I am still a man’s man. I am still a man that understands his role in a relationship. I am just a man who is tired of being your doormat.
My podcast, “Simply Single-ish” will be airing soon and will be located on Spreaker. You can also follow my group on FB called “Single-ish” where like-minded singles laugh, debate, and gain insight from one another. https://www.facebook.com/ groups/791730968008981
Did my wife trick me? Where is my freaky deaky?
My wife and I dated for a couple of years before we married and enjoyed sex several times a week but now I’m good if I see her naked body once a month and that’s if I put my head under the layers of sheets and decorative comforter covering her.
Yes, she’s gained some weight and had a few children but I’m still attracted to her! Her muffin top belly that she constantly hides only reminds me of two things - she is a woman and I impregnated her three times. Her physical changes only add to my attraction to her. I sure don’t have a six pack; it’s dad bod for me!
I still court my wife. We have date nights, I tell her how attractive she is, I spend all my free time with her, and I show her (the best way I know how) that I desire her. I don’t wait until we get in the bedroom, I show her love throughout the day through texts. All the boxes are checked on my part or at least I think so.
I don’t think women realize that when a man asks you to become his wife he is expecting to receive the same fire and desire and frequent sex he was given before marriage. Most men (when they marry) are relieved to finally have that one woman who will be his everything - including his sex goddess. Is it wrong to want a little more action between the sheets? Is it wrong to desire the woman who used to initiate sex to keep me?
Our bed is dead, the mattress is cold, and the fire is almost out. Unfortunately, this is when some men stray. I’m not one of those men, but I’m a frustrated man.
Men also like to be admired and desired. After a long day at work, I’d love some physical touch. I’ll settle for a long hug or a kiss on the cheek. I’ll even settle for a quickie at night. We’re in our late forties and I want to use it before I lose it if you know what I mean.
I know what I need to do to get the
woman I married back taking into consideration our life has changed and we’re much older and busier. I hope women reading this will realize husbands are men and men want sex. If you’re only going to give it up once a month, LAY IT ON HIM! BE THE FREAK IN THE SHEETS! RAISE THE DEAD! MAKE IT A NIGHT HE’LL REMEMBER!
I would rather cuddle
then have sex.
If you are good with grammar, you’ll get it.
2023
No words
No resolutions
No promises and definitely NO EXCUSES JUST GET UP AND MOVE!
@Javan___ @JTOOFIT_
JUST STAY THE COURSE.
IT’LL TAKE YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO AND LIFE WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO GET THERE.
The average person will probably tell you they’re in total control of their being and no one is going to tell them what to do or how to do it; however, the simple act of setting an alarm clock and awakening in the morning suggests that a portion of our thoughts are centered around meeting very specific expectations mandated or created by someone else designed to validate who we perceive ourselves to be. Anyway… I digress.
Yes, society should have a set of governing rules for us to survive in a civilized and humane way, but at what cost? In other words, our very existence and ability to truly think and live freely has been predetermined or defined by those I refer to as, “The GATEKEEPERS.”
GATEKEEPERS hold the power to control what we eat, where we go, who we socialize with and even how we dress and they do it in the most subtle ways that we don’t even realize we’re being subconsciously controlled.
Damn GATEKEEPERS!
Who are these GATEKEEPERS? “THEY” are a group of people with perceived power who decide who is beautiful, handsome, who gets attention, who is popular, influential, and who will lead. Everyone else will follow and conform to their way of thinking and how they live in an attempt to reach the standards “THEY” set. THEY can be a parent, teacher, mentor, boss, friend, or even a spouse. If you’ve ever felt the need to get someone’s approval or permission to move forward on an idea or thought, that person may be a gatekeeper. Why do we need anyone’s approval on how we live our life?
The other day I was on one of the more popular social-media outlets and came across an image of a young lady in her midtwenties who I know very well. She was dressed in a way I would define as being extremely provocative. It was obvious her appearance was a deliberate attempt to garner attention from a specific group of people. Those of you reading this article may be saying to yourself, what business is it of mine what’s she’s wearing, which I believe would be a fair response. My response to those individuals centers around the fact that this person is actually my niece. It was shocking to me because I’ve never seen her dress in that way. My initial thought was that of disappointment. What would make her feel the need to expose herself in that way? This was not who she was, and I knew for a fact her parents and other members of our family did not approve of it.
I felt strongly she had compromised who she was in order to receive acceptance from total strangers with a specific objective in mind.
What my niece didn’t realize is that she had fallen prey to the gatekeepers. She was convinced she needed to dress a certain way to be accepted by a group of people who were also conditioned by GATEKEEPERS.
Austin Pranger says, “But sometimes, we hit a point in our life when the “shackles come off,” but in some areas of our live, we don’t realize that we can do whatever we choose to..” Also, The Other Woman Magazine also reminds us to live our life unapologetically and make our own choices in life. We have the fuel to fight the GATEKEEPERS but we need the courage to actually do what our own mind tells us to do.
F--K the GATEKEEPERS!Are men like animals? All humans have instincts and we are just genetically wired that way to have innate behaviors. Instincts are nature’s way of helping us to protect ourselves. All humans have basic instincts such as denial, revenge, tribal loyalty, greed, sympathy and an urge to procreate. It is said that a human’s instinct can be summed up in three basic survival groups: Self Preservation, Sexual, and Social. Although we all have all three, some of us can identify strongly with one or the other group.
Self-preservation is dealing with one’s own physical body and health and protection, our physical well-being. The sexual instinct is dealing with attraction and seduction, the physical drive to have sex. The social instinct is dealing with the ability to bond and have connections with other people.
In response to those basic survival groups we have primal drives that humans and animals have adopted according to Dr. Karl H. Pribram which he referred to as the four: Fighting, Fleeing, Feeding and Fornicating. In other words, we have a need to defend our territory, to avoid harm and danger, to find food, and to continue the species.
With all that said, I want you to know why I say men are like dogs and other animals. Men like to fight, eat and they like to have sex. You know the old saying “boys will be boys.” Men tend to be more violent and oversexed than women.
Like an animal, men will fight and sometimes fight to the death. That is why there are more men who are killers, murderers and rapists than women. Why do we suppose that more men seduce and abandon more than women? Male animals are often guilty of seducing and leaving their females to raise their young. Maybe there is an innate instinct in the male species.
sense of having an appetite for food, sex and love. As long as food and sex is available there is a man available to get it. Remove food and sex and the man is gone hunting for food and sex somewhere else. Mind you, that a man can be well fed and well sexed and he will still be instinctively tempted by more food and sex. The reason dogs are domesticated today is because they’ve learned it was easier to be fed than to hunt for food in the wild and when they were also patted on the head, they decided this is a good deal and I’m going to stick around. Does that remind you of men? Find a random man, feed and sex him and see if he’s going to leave or stick around.
The question is why are men like dogs?
I believe men act more like animals in general than dogs specifically. Here’s why I think women believe men act like dogs. You can have a dog on a leash while walking him and if he sees a squirrel, this instinct to chase it is automatically kicks in and he will try to go after it.
Men are the same way, he can be walking with his woman and when another woman is near, and he loses focus and instinctively looks in that direction. Men are like dogs in the
Like a dog, loyalty is only as good as what opportunity presents. Leave some food out and and see if your dog passes the loyalty test and see if he bothers the food. Men are the same way; they are only as loyal as the next opportunity. For some innate reason man will cheat without reason or excuse. It is in his nature. Generally speaking, when women refer to a man as a dog it is in a disapproving manner, so men can’t wear that title as a badge of honor. There is marked difference in being called “dawg” and “dog”. Yes, men have natural instincts like dogs and other animals and maybe that explains why men act like animals sometimes. As Jesus said in Luke 23:34, “…forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”
One of the hallmark symptoms of depression is something mental health experts call “anhedonia.” In a nutshell, anhedonia is a loss of interest or enjoyment in stuff you used to enjoy. And for a lot of depressed men, that includes sex.
“When men are depressed, their self-esteem is down and their motivation is down and their libido may be down,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and sex counselor. Any or all of these issues could interfere with your interest in sex or your ability to perform.
“When you look at sex, it’s basically about things that excite and arouse you,” Kerner says. Depression, meanwhile, is a condition that inhibits excitement and arousal. So it’s no wonder depression and sex don’t mix. He adds that some popular antidepressant medications— namely, SSRIs—can lower libido and interfere with sexual function. So depression may be kneecapping your romantic life in a lot of different ways. Here’s a look at a few of them.
“When people are depressed, sex could very well be the furthest thing from their minds,” says Liesel Sharabi, PhD, an assistant professor of communications at West Virginia University.
In one of Sharabi’s studies, published in 2015, one guy talks about how his depression makes it difficult for him to be around anyone—including his partner. “I
just want to be left alone so that I don’t get in a bad mood,” he says. Another man in that study says, “Everything feels like an effort.” That includes sex. Interestingly, her research has also shown that couples in which one person, but not the other, is depressed tend to experience more sexual challenges than couples in which both people are depressed. The asymmetry depression creates can make it difficult for the depressed man and his mate to get on the same page sexually, she says.
“When a man feels bad about himself, he might not feel confident or worthy of a connection with his romantic partner,” adds Amy Delaney, PhD, an assistant professor at Millikin University in Illinois and author of a 2018 study on depression and sexual intimacy.
Depression can also leave men feeling “alone and isolated,” Delaney says, which can interfere with his desire or ability to be intimate with his mate.
The male sex drive is often talked about like it’s some isolated quality a guy either has or doesn’t have—like the ability to throw a football 40 yards, or to handle a few drinks without getting sloppy. The truth is a lot more complicated.
“Lots of the literature on depression focuses on decreased desire and [sexual] function,” Delaney says. “But my research with couples points to multiple layers of sexual intimacy challenges.” She says some of these challenges are “cognitive” while others are “interactive.”
“Cognitive challenges include troubles with self-esteem and feelings of isolation,” she explains. “Interactive
challenges happen when couples struggle to talk about and initiate sex.” All of these roadblocks can line up in ways that disrupt “the entire system” of a romantic and sexual relationship, she says. One example is a concept known as “interference.”
“Interference focuses on the ways partners can disrupt each other’s dayto-day routines and individual goals,” she explains. “So interference could be when your partner leaves her towel on the floor, won’t join you and your friends for bowling night, or needs a ride to the doctor so you can’t make it to the gym.”
Normally this sort of interference isn’t a big deal. It’s just part of being in a relationship. But when a man is depressed, he may feel greater levels of interference from his partner, she says. This can breed resentment, which is poison in the bedroom.
In this and other ways, the sexual challenges that stem from depression are “woven into the fabric of the relationship,” Delaney says. Fixing these intimacy issues isn’t as simple as flipping some libido switch.
Your Sex Life - Continue reading here https://www.menshealth.com/health/ a26038896/depression-low-sex-drivelibido-treatments-symptoms/
Today, men like myself struggling with mental health suffer in silence. Opening up and sharing my personal story on the subject of mental health awareness isn’t easy. Coping with mental health issues, I could have simply chosen to suffer in silence avoiding all ridicule and judgement resulting from a lack of understanding.
For quite some time, I suffered in silence, fearful of being judged by those closest to me and society atlarge. The truth is many people lack understanding surrounding the stigma attached to mental health awareness for various reasons.
Over the last several years, I began educating myself about mental health and its impact on the lives of many people. Prior to my self-awareness and dare I say, my ignorance on the of topic of mental health, two of my siblings were diagnosed with schizophrenia. It wasn’t until years later after my retirement from the military, when I began to take a pro-active approach to understanding mental illness.
After completing my military service in Japan and returning stateside with my then-wife and two toddlers came a great deal of anxiety and uncertainty for me. I had to find a home and secure a job to support my family. Service members who retire tend to take the route of working for the federal government, something I had zero interest in doing. My interest and passion centered around youth engagement and mentorship.
I eventually found myself in the public school as a coach and youth advocate. I was right where I wanted to be. By that time, my family and I were
doing quite well. We had acquired many friends and were considered by many to be the perfect family. I was striving both in my personal and professional life – I was happy, and life was great! During my time in the public school system, I mentored many young men. I was fulfilling my personal passion and building life-long relationships. I actively partnered with many community leaders and organizations primarily involved with youth development and relationship building. However, as Thomas Aquinas
in high school participating in multiple academic after school and sporting activities - not to mention all my youth involvement activities. Because of that, I was absent for many of our family events. All of this led to what I can best describe as the beginning stages of my mental breakdown. After being diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy, I was embarrassed and questioned my condition. All this drove me to a place of isolation, causing me to stop coaching and turning away from all relationships - making myself unavailable to the most important people in my life including my family.
once said, “No good deed goes unpunished” and I was on the verge of finding out exactly what he meant by that phrase.
In 2018, while out to lunch with several of my colleagues, I begin to feel a slight numbness on the left side of my face. Long story short, we returned to work and shortly thereafter I was taken to the emergency room where I was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy, a peripheral neuropathy (nerve disease) of the facial nerve. It was later determined by my physician that my diagnosis was a direct result of workrelated stress. He recommended time off from work and the avoidance of all stressful situations.
During that time, my two sons were
I was thrown into a dark place and struggled with bouts of depression. I blame no one for what I often refer to as, ’Peaks and Valleys’ when I reference my ongoing mental health journey. I also think it’s important to point out that people who deal with finding daily mental balance don’t want nor expect sympathy or any form of special treatment.Also, taking a dismissive approach to mental health awareness due to lack of knowledge can be devastating for many. As men we’re often told, “just get over it.” I wish it was that easy… it’s not!
As a freelance writer, I seek to help others suffering with mental illness find a sense of balance in their daily lives through education, acceptance, and embracing the uniqueness that is truly you. Today, my mental health journey continues…
“I blame no one for what I often refer to as Peaks and Valleys when I reference my ongoing mental health journey.”
The main difference between a circumcised (cut) and uncircumcised (uncut) penis is the presence of foreskin around the head of the penis. Both options can have an effect on your hygiene and overall health.
1. Does it affect penis size?
Uncircumcised (Uncut): A foreskin can make your penis look slightly bulkier when it’s flaccid. During an erection, the foreskin retracts and almost disappears, so it won’t affect how big your penis looks when it’s erect.
Circumcised (Cut): Your penis size is based mainly on your genes. These determine the phenotype, or physical expression, of your penis.
Penis size is also based on blood flow to the penile tissues. Removing a layer of skin tissue — the foreskin — doesn’t have any impact on other penile tissues or how big your penis appears when erect. However, it may have slightly less “bulk” when it’s flaccid.
2. Does it affect the overall appearance?
Uncut: In an uncut penis, the foreskin drapes over the head (glans) of the penis like a hood when you’re not erect. The penis head largely isn’t visible. When you’re erect, the foreskin retracts and exposes the glans. The foreskin usually looks bunched up.
Cut: In a cut penis, the foreskin is absent. This leaves the glans out
in the open at all times, whether you’re erect or not. You may notice a slight difference in skin texture where the foreskin was removed.
The skin closer to your body may feel tougher and thicker. Skin closer to the glans may be thinner and more sensitive.
3. Does it affect your approach to hygiene?
Uncut: An uncut penis requires some extra attention to hygiene. If you don’t regularly clean under the foreskin, bacteria, dead skin cells, and oil can cause smegma to build up.
Smegma can make your penis smell and even lead to glans and foreskin inflammation (balanitis). This can make pulling back your foreskin difficult or impossible. If this happens, it’s known as phimosis. Phimosis and balanitis can both require medical attention if left untreated.
4. Does it affect sexual sensitivity?
Uncut: A 2016 study found that for uncut penises, the foreskin was the part of the penis most sensitive to stimulation by touch. However, the study clarifies that this doesn’t mean that your experience of pleasure during sex is any different whether you’re cut or uncut.
Cut: A 2011 study Trusted Source claims that men with cut penises self-reported more “orgasm difficulties.” But a 2012 response Trusted Source to the study calls
this claim into question.
The authors point out that the 2011 study showed no direct link between circumcision and sexual satisfaction. They also highlighted several factors that could have skewed the study’s results.
Please note: These instructions are for adults only. Before puberty, it may be difficult to fully retract the foreskin. It should never be forcibly retracted, even for cleaning.
Cut: A cut penis doesn’t require additional hygiene. Just make sure you wash it regularly when you bathe.
However, your penile skin may be more likely to get dry, chafed, or irritated without the foreskin. You can help prevent this by wearing loose-fitting underwear and avoiding tight pants.
5. Does it affect lubrication?
Uncut: The foreskin provides natural lubrication to the penis. However, there’s no conclusive evidence that being cut will require extra lubrication for the same amount of sexual satisfaction that those who are uncut experience.
Cut: Being cut may mean that you occasionally need extra lube when lubrication is necessary, such as during anal sex. No evidence suggests any difference in penis health or sexual satisfaction without the natural lubrication provided by the foreskin. source: https://www.healthline.com/ health/mens-health/circumcised-vsuncircumcised#lubrication
“Venda, You only have one life, you better enjoy it. ”
“Take a good book to bed with youbooks do not snore.”
Thea Dorn
