Born To Create

VOLUME 4 ISSUE 1

e t a e r C o T n Bor

“It is my mission to help you discover the silenced and often suppressed woman resting within and infuse a desire to live courageously without reservation or regrets.”

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You Are The Creator!

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laVender shedrick williams Owner, Candy Publishing Creator of The Other Woman

“We need to be willing to let our intuition guide us, and then be willing to follow that guidance directly and fearlessly.”

s TOW continues to evolve, I reflect on the birth of Candy Publishing and TOW. Just as babies are delivered through a channel of darkness and pain, our ideas for new projects, endeavors, and nudges to take risks are often delivered through a season of darkness (pain). The darkness may be a broken heart, anger, job loss, grief, financial hardship, or anything delivering some level of pain. Even boredom can be painful. Pain is powerful. Pain ignites progress, courage, enlightenment, change, and creativity. Pain invites direction and inspiration for newness.

Candy Publishing was definitely birthed through a period of pain. A financial struggle resulting from leaving my twenty-year marriage in my golden years put me in a place to definitely be creative and turn my skills of writing and publishing into a business. It didn’t make sense to pray for a financial blessing when the blessing was within me, so I began to charge for my writing and publishing services. In other words, I got busy and turned my faith into action. My pain pressed me into a position to prosper!

We are creators! We birth teachers, lawyers, entrepreneurs, bankers, artists, authors, doctors, and other leaders into the universe through pain. As long as women are breathing, we are creating. We have the power to create, nurture, and transform. It doesn’t matter where you are in life or your age, you have something stirring or nudging you - a business idea, a new craft, a hustle you want to take to the next level, Something is waiting to be birthed. Two women in their 80s occasionally write articles for TOW - it’s never too late to create!

Don’t allow the title of this article to scare you. I believe creativity is a spiritual process. Because the spirit of my Creator is within me, I also have her spirit of creativity. Can’t you see a little of yourself in your children? We refer to them as our “mini-me” and they are! They’re our seeds! Same concept. Own your natural ability to create! Trust the process of your pain and those seasons of darkness. They have purpose! Welcome your pain and embrace it instead of asking to be delivered from it. What’s the catchphrase? No pain…no gain – there’s a little truth here.

Whatever is within you waiting to be birthed, only you can give it life.

YOU are the creator! Whether you garden, sing, paint, write, cook, sew, make jewelry, bake, or maybe you have the gift of gab, whatever your craft is, use it to the fullest and CREATE!

laVender s williams

Shakti Gawain 2

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Born To Create Volume 4 Issue 1

Why recreate or reinvent yourself?

Give your Self permission to be free to BE...UNAPOLOGETICALLY Ben Scott THE OTHER WOMAN

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You can lose yourself in a relationship and feel empty or lose yourself in a book and be empowered 4

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Contents LIFESTYLE 26 Tammy A. Duttweiler - Back Cover Model 28 Reagan Hunter 30 Idaya Waters-Mendes 34 Kimberly Sue Phares 35 Linda Albritton SELF CARE 16 Craft To Heal 24 Happiness and Outdoors 25 Beach Brain LOVE AND MARRIAGE 15 No More Secrets 18 Cell Phones Destroying Relationships SEASONED SENIORS 31 WWSYM 32 Live, Laugh and Love 33 Aging - Woman’s Secret Power A MAN’S MIND 49 My Divorce, Trauma, and Truth 50 Mental Whipping Post 53 Women and Selfies 56 Puff, Puff, Pass

The Other Woman is published three times a year by Candy Publishing. Visit the website to read archived articles on our blog and to meet the team of writers behind TOW.

www.theotherwomanmagazine.com

Team TOW Julia T. Cadenhead (CAPT, CHC, USN (Ret.) 08 It’s A Jungle Out There Robert L Congress 54 Schizophrenia and It’s Rippling Effect Brittany Davis 36 Vacationing In Savannah Lara McKnight 14 Surprise!

Vernon Watson 48 Double Headed Man

ARE YOU STUCK? 20 Sandra Gary Winborne, Ph.D. IMO

52 Les Conrick Copyright – The Other Woman is published three times a year by Candy Publishing, an independent publishing company located in Montgomery, AL. Copyright 2020. All materials are protected by copyright laws. No material contained in this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Contact Candy Publishing ATTN: The Other Woman P.O. Box 9083 Montgomery, AL 36108.

Printed in the United States.

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Who Is She? She is a conduit for the universe She is one with the universe She is worthy of love and honor.

She is remarkable She is resourceful She is powerful She is nurturing She is beautiful She is sensitive She is sensuous She is intuitive She is complex She is unique She is strong She is a creator She is a goddess She is a WOMAN She is YOU 6

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“It’s A Jungle Out There” JULIA T CADENHEAD CAPT CHC USN (Ret.) There is a source of help we often glibly acknowledge – God will help us. Yes; but how and when? Here are a few thoughts: We frail creatures of dust need both like-minds AND diverging viewpoints – it requires that we trek thru jungles to find some balance between these. As you know – it ain’t easy, either, because we need BOTH, together! Can’t we make harmony out of that?

Unfortunately, not often.

I think about the fabled Tarzan. Hummm now there’s an attractive thought. I digress. That quick fix won’t last long, anyway.

There’s a lot I could say about the jungle. But it quickly gets confusing, convoluted, and, well, just plain scary.

In recent days we view life amidst the tangle of the strange prickly vines of political alliances between nations and the tiny biting insects of political correctness versus social justice; Oh, and fears of being pulled under in the quicksand of discerning personal opinion versus truth-telling. The confusion. . . Sheech, I’m lost in these terms before I even get started.

I’ll start again. Like the Randy Newman song says, “it’s a jungle out there”. . . .

Violence. Danger. Disorder. Confusion.

You better pay attention, they say. . . Read all the lyrics. They are striking and, I fear, more true now than ever before. Violence and danger – those not at war – nations, cultures. Crime; (another piece of war) - they are sinkholes brimming with mysteries beneath the surface of our culture. We could go to Bitchnmoan and try to stay there; won’t help. It’s a most uncomfortable little place, anyway. Won’t resolve things for the better.

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My initial focus is on the concept of ‘breathing room’ This concept of biblical salvation morphed and took greater meaning over the millennia. Tradition notes that God ‘spoke’ the world into being – perhaps in a rush of wind. Scripture uses the Hebrew word ‘ruah’ (wind, breath, spirit) to describe the Divine actions of God – thus, breathing room. In today’s society, we use it to mean – room to think through options; conflict resolution; maybe even a little trial and error without getting blasted to kingdom come by those we are trying to hear.

Another thing: ‘be reasonable’ – oh really! Please! We should try to hear each other’s viewpoints. But that particular word often has the opposite effect because it smacks of a force that wants top/down control. Not in today’s society. Be willing is a more productive, open approach.

What do you know about the Daughters of Zelophehad (book of Numbers); and Jochebed (Hebrews 11) and a whole host of others who lived in troubling times just as we do today. We are not alone, my people; God doesn’t want that “The Spirit which is Holy is both a prayer away and a moment’s distance from decision making. Listen to it.”

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“The Spirit which is Holy is both a prayer away and a moment’s distance from decision making. Listen to it.”

Julia T. Cadenhead

Tun Nie THE OTHER WOMAN

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I AM Danie Franco

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YOU ARE ENOUGH You can wear all the hats and titles you want but being a WOMAN makes you more than ENOUGH.

Know Your Worth THE OTHER WOMAN

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A Closer Walk With Thee Part II SANDRA WINN

The church we attended from 2000-to 2005 was full on Pentecostal. Speaking in tongues, lively worship music, accepting the Bible as the authoritative, infallible, and inerrant Word of God, the Holy Trinity, virgin birth, Heaven, Hell, etc., I accepted all of it. For the first two years, I remained pretty much a relaxed Christian. I took the statement “Saved by grace and grace alone” at face value.

In 2003, I felt the desire to really delve into the faith and become closer to God. I adored, trusted, and respected the Outreach pastor at our church. Who better to go to for advice than him?

The next thing I knew, over a period of a year, my husband and I were more involved with our church. We volunteered for the bread delivery team, my husband was on the worship team, I started teaching at “Kidz Church”, and we attended weekly LifeGroup.

Regardless of stepping up my game by being more involved, it just wasn’t enough for me. Again, I went to the

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Outreach pastor for his input.

He suggested I read the Book of James every day for a month.

Back then, I was a domestic goddess with two little ones and zero alone time. Committing myself to daily reading meant silence, so I started setting my alarm for 4 a.m. to ensure I had time to read before my husband and children woke.

It’s one thing to study based on a sermon or suggested passages from the weekly church brochure, quite another to read in full and in context. “Faith without works is dead”-James, 14:2.

It’s not like I never heard or read the scripture before, I just never questioned it. However, the difference this time was I wasn’t just reading a passage. The Book of James emboldens that statement in all five chapters.

Naturally, I went to my pastor with a few questions after my monthly reading. I thought I

was doomed for an eternity in hell because I understood “works” to mean I had to be the perfect, sinfree Christian and I was nowhere near accomplishing such a feat.

However, my pastor quelched my fears by telling me that “works” meant fruits of labor from having been saved by faith, not being sinfree. Whew, what a load off! At least until my next quest.

In that same sitting with my pastor, I asked what he’d recommend next.

He urged me to read the entire Bible in a year. One Psalm, one Proverb, and one chapter from the Old and New Testaments a day was his advice for doing so. Bound and determined, I made it a priority. I kept my alarm settings the same and faithfully rose every morning to read from the Good Book.

I truly wanted to understand my faith better with my daily readings.

I felt closer to God yet confused, but I never doubted, not for a second.

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Don’t allow others to make decisions for the one life you have.

Think For Yourself.

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Surprise!

The Other Woman has decided after 53 years that she is done fooling around.

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n honor of turning 54, I have designated this to be my “Studio 54 Celebration Year” which means hitting the high notes on all of the Bee Gee’s tunes in the grocery store, reaffirming my citizenship in Boogie Wonderland on the regular, and exercising general glittery fabulousness with zero spare “effs” to give. I even threw myself a surprise party for my birthday.

Poor Old Me has been waiting for “them” to throw her a party for quite some time. “Surely, I’ve earned it!” she says.“Of course you have, but what can you expect from people who dress that way?

And don’t There have been call me, more times than I ‘Shirley,’” she care to count that replies.

I have chosen to She can’t help punish my family herself.

I’ve put on by announcing, a shindig or “Never mind, two times I’ll do it myself!” four plus one over the last three decades for a variety of birthdays, graduations, and other celebrations. It’s not that I was really expecting anything in return, but a girl can dream, right?

There were the early events where we invited dozens of neighborhood children and their plus-fives to various zones, theaters, rinks,

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arcades, and animated singing-rat-cheese gerbil-maze-death-traps that stunk of feet and pizza farts. Ah, the memories…ah, the germs…

Next came the ironically-named “sleepovers” where the “just a few friends” guest list always tripled by the time of the actual event and someone always wound up leaving in tears in the middle of the night (usually me, but they’d find me and bring

me back.) There are young people in their late twenties and early thirties who are STILL not allowed by their parents to set foot near our home after dark.

Then followed the “are you and Dad really going to stay no mom for real this party is so lame and we’re not hungry” years where our mere existence was a teenage abomination. In an interesting twist, the 4th kid was raised a decade and a social media generation after her older siblings and has shared more than a few videos of old Dad showing off his break dancing moves to a room-full of smirking teens. Our children may not like us, but three thousand random strangers online do!

Speaking of Dad, he always gets a party, too. Once I managed to successfully spring a huge surprise party complete with friends from his childhood, family from two states away, and limo service to the beach for the after-party. So adept am I at the art of the surprise that I even tossed laundry casually around the living room so he wouldn’t catch on that I’d cleaned. That’s the kind of attention to detail that I bring to the party.

Oh, there have been many, many parties to celebrate the ungrateful souls who reap the benefits of my maternal guilt and inferiority complex many times over, “But Ol’ Mom is just going to have to wait for her funeral for someone to throw her a party, I guess…” I announced to an empty room.

There have been more times than I care to count that I have chosen to punish my family by announcing, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself!” But the Other Woman is starting to realize that maybe doing it myself is exactly what I need to do – take charge, celebrate, surprise yourself.

As I stood there with the fuchsia sombrero precariously perched on my head, a frozen margarita in my hand, and the family and friends I’d invited gathered for an impromptu dinner singing “Happy Birthday” (to me!) in the spirit of love and tacos, it came as no surprise to me that I really am the life of my own party.

Lara McKnight is a freelance writer who lives in Pensacola, FL. She and her husband have four adult children (and their companions) and four grandchildren. Lara is committed to boogie, ooogie, ooogie ‘till she just can’t boogie no more.

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No More Secrets Anonymous

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r years, I’ve lived with a secret that has haunted me day and night. Not just a few years, but for 10 years I’ve worn the mask of a happy wife. I have three adult children and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be their mother, but I’m not the mother they think I am. The weight of this secret has gone on for too long and I can’t live another day alone with this secret. I’ve heard that the loneliest place to be is alone with a secret and I can honestly confirm that statement is true.

My actions are inexcusable and I’m prepared for the judgment darts with my name on them. You’re probably wondering why I’m publicly writing anonymously. Well, not only am I protecting my family, but this is the route I needed to take. Call me a coward, but this is a huge step for me.

Not that it holds much weight these days, but I’m a devout, church-going woman. It’s the church where my secret began and the church has given me the courage to stop hiding my secret and be brave enough to tell it. God is probably the only one who will not judge me as it was the spirit of God who has set me free.

Because I’ve been a coward, finally having a place to tell my truth allows me to exhale. I’ve also felt empowered and free since I began writing my confession. Once I actually see it in print, I have no idea what I’ll feel, but it can’t be any worse than what I’ve been feeling for the past ten years. What I am about to share will hurt those close to me, but if they truly love me, they will understand and accept it. I’ve denied,

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resisted, and thought I was crazy, but my secret would not let me rest, so I embraced it and once I stopped fighting it, it felt right. It was the puzzle missing in my life.

While attending church one Sunday, I locked eyes with someone who was sitting a few pews in front of my family.

I’m not sure why they looked back, but

we exchanged smiles and it was as if our minds communicated with each other in silence. After church, our congregation is encouraged to meet and greet others, especially our visitors. I reluctantly do this each Sunday, but this time I felt more comfortable hugging strangers and welcoming them to our fellowship. The friendly visitor whom I earlier locked eyes with found me and we warmly greeted one another, hugged, and made small talk. We actually had a lot in common except she didn’t have a family - she was single. We didn’t move from our spot in the aisle once we met. We talked for ten minutes and ended our conversation by exchanging

numbers. To be honest, we didn’t end our conversation, it was the beginning of our relationship. I invited her over for dinner with my family and she has set at our table, in our living room, on our back porch, and she is now in my heart.

She has made me realize not what was missing, but who was missing in my life.

The person missing was me. Because I was raised in the church and because of my upbringing, I felt a need to hide my true self. The church says come as you are, but conditions were attached.

The church told me to love, but conditions were set on who to love. The church told me God loves me, but I couldn’t be me. I have set the other woman free and I have never been happier. I am now proud to publicly share that I am a woman - a lesbian woman and I am not ashamed.

I hope to come back in the next issue and share the response of my loved ones after reading my coming out.

“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.”

Leo Tolstoy

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Craft to Heal

NANCY MONSON

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ime heals all wounds. But until time kicks in, what do you do while you’re waiting?

How do you relieve stress and decompress from everyday pressures? How do you ease the pain, distract your mind, soothe your soul? If you’re like me (and a whole lot of celebrities, it seems), you craft.

I’ve been a crafter for as long as I can remember. I quilt. I sew. I collage. I paint. I make wreaths. I design note cards. Now, in the twenty-first century, these arts have been elevated from mere crafts to important components of healing therapies for people with illnesses, both physical and psychological. Patients with cancer, for instance, are encouraged to paint, to visualize their bodies fighting off malignant cells and to pour their thoughts and emotions into journals.

But the best news is that you don’t have to be ill to benefit.

“We’re now finding that crafts are beneficial for healthy people, too,” says Gail McMeekin, M.S.W., author of the inspiring books The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women and The Power of Positive Choices. “Thanks to their ability to tune you into yourself and your feelings, crafts clearly have physical, psychological and spiritual powers.” Adds Diane Ericson, a California fabric artist, teacher and pattern designer, “Crafts are a way of valuing yourself and giving to yourself. They allow you to express what’s inside.”

Reaping the Benefits To tap into the healing power of crafts, start by following these guidelines: •Find a craft you love—the more rhythmic and repetitive, the better. Passion for a craft keeps you

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interested, while the rhythmic and repetitive nature confers the mind-body benefit.

Knitting, sewing, crocheting, woodworking and other rhythmic crafts are great choices.

•Make time for your craft every week, and ideally every day. Don’t think of this time as a self-indulgence, but a medical necessity. Dr. Benson advises performing the relaxation response or meditation daily for at least 20 minutes—so the same holds true if you’re doing a craft. “View your craft as if it were a medication that you need to take every day for optimal benefit,” says Dr. Reiner.

•Create a space just for crafting.

Set up a dedicated craft space in your home–rather than occasionally commandeering the dining room table—so you can play whenever you have a few moments to spare. “Put your craft supplies in a basket or in the car, or take over part of a room or office,” she suggests. “Just try to find a space that is yours alone.”

•Take a class to advance your skills. An added bonus: You’ll meet other crafters.

“Countless studies show that socializing with others is an effective way to release stress,” says Dr. Reiner. “We are social animals and we need to interact with other people to stay healthy.” It’s also empowering to find a mentor who can offer guidance when you need it. “Just make sure your mentor allows you to express THE OTHER WOMAN

yourself, rather than dictating that you do things her way,” advises McMeekin. o Find flow. “Flow,” a term coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, describes a state of complete absorption and intense joy. When you’re in a state of flow, you lose track of time as you focus on the task at hand—a feeling akin to “being in the zone,” which is what athletes speak of.

•Enjoy the process. Rather than focusing on the end product, heed the process. “What you make is only the residue of how much fun you’ve had,” says Diane Ericson, a fabric artist, teacher and creativity coach in Aptos, California.

•Don’t become overly perfectionistic. Yes, you want your craft to challenge you. But don’t go crazy. Many crafters—myself included—tend to beat themselves up if they do a less-than-stellar job, and end up negating the health-promoting benefits. “Give yourself permission to be imperfect and to play,” advises Ericson.

“If you have to make a project just right, you set yourself up with just one more chore to accomplish. You lose the joy and the fun.”

•Don’t compare yourself to others. As a quilter, when I look at the spectacular works of other women, I sometimes want to cry. I know I’ll never be as good. Instead of inspiring me, their quilts make me feel like a less-than. “It can be deadly to compare your work to that of others,” warns Ericson. “That puts a damper on both your creativity and your enjoyment.”

So instead of measuring yourself against someone else’s yardstick, try to find inspiration in the work of others.

THIS ARTICLE IS EXCERPTED WITH PERMISSION FROM CRAFT TO HEAL: SOOTHING YOUR SOUL WITH SEWING, PAINTING, AND OTHER PASTIMES by Nancy Monson Hats Off Publishers, 2005 All rights reserved Nancy Monson is a freelance writer living in Connecticut. Purchase her book, Craft to Heal: Soothing Your Soul with Sewing, Painting, and Other Pastimes, at bookstores nationwide as well as online at amazon.com and barnes&noble.com.

And visit her website at www.nancymonson.com.

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“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

Albert Einstein 17

How Your Cell Phone Is Destroying Your Marriage and Relationships JENNIFER LANDIS marriage.com

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hat’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Do you roll over and hug your partner? Or do you grab your phone and start scrolling through social media or checking emails?

This is actually a habit of compulsive use of cell phones to such an extent that cell phones are ruining relationships and could be detrimental not only to real-life relationships but also the daily activities, in general.

Have you ever wondered how cell phone affects relationships? Or how have cell phones changed us socially? Your cell phone keeps you connected to work, friends, and family wherever you are— but excessive or inappropriate use can damage your closest relationships.

Many people ignore the people they’re with to attend to the virtual world.

Why does too much cell phone usage make you less connected?

So, how cell phones affect relationships?

Using too much phone and ignoring the one we are with often harms the quality of relationships, unless the tendency occurs once in a while due to an important mail, message, or call.

However, if this is a pattern, this can often make the person we are with feel less important or significant. It might start with a feeling of sadness and then turn into anger. Such negative emotions are bound to gradually creep into the relationship and can be a clear example of cell phones ruining relationships.

Cell phones ruin relationships because their usage might connect us to the virtual world and people far away but can distract us from the ones near us and deprive us of the important things. This can also make us unlikeable in your circle due to our non-verbal behavior.

What is phubbing?

This habit creates real-life consequences, including different ways cell phones are ruining relationships or wrecking your marriage.

Phubbing means remaining engaged with the phone rather than interacting with the person you are with.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, phubbing is “The act of ignoring someone you are with and giving attention to your mobile phone instead.”

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Such people are seen as less relatable and negative. Face-toface communication is always more effective than chatting over the phone and makes the connection stronger.

In the case of phubbing, cell phones are ruining relationships. You are essentially destroying your reallife bonds and concentrating on something less concrete.

1. Your phone is the first thing in your hand each morning The first few minutes of your day set the tone for what comes next.

If your first activity is reaching for your phone to check email and social media, you start the day feeling THE OTHER WOMAN

stressed and overwhelmed.

2. You use your phone at the dinner table Strive to make family or partner mealtime a device-free zone. Doing so allows everyone to connect in real life and share their day.

3. You use your phone in bed When you get ready to sleep, do you read or cuddle quietly with your partner? Get freaky between the

sheets? Or scroll through social media? Blue light from cell phones disrupts regular sleep cycles, and bedtime phone use dampens intimacy.

4. You panic when you lose or break your phone For most people, a broken cell phone is an inconvenience. If you find your heart racing or your mind in a panic when you can’t access it for a day or two, this is a clear sign you have an addiction.

5. You hide your use Do you sneak off to the restroom multiple times a day at work to use your phone? Do you lie to your boss THE OTHER WOMAN

or family about the amount of time you spend online?

6. You use your phone as a crutch Few of us enjoy the “we-need-to-talk” type of conversation. But reaching for your phone when your emotions become uncomfortable creates distance between you and your partner. It also makes them feel like you don’t care.

7. You use it to deal with emotions You use your cell phone and depend on it when you are dealing with anxiety or depression. You turn to it during moments when you want or seek help.

Make the last half-hour before you turn in a device-free time. Invest in a proper alarm clock so you can keep your cell phone out of the bedroom.

Create a stylish charging station in the living room or kitchen and create a ritual of plugging in all devices — and leaving them there — at day’s end.

2. Silence it Even when you put your phone on vibrate, the distinctive buzz draws your attention from your partner.

When you’re out together, put your phone on silent and leave it in your bag or pocket. Now, you’ve got a free hand to hold your partner’s with.

3. Make it a game Heading out with the family or a group 8. You miss your phone of friends? Have everyone put their You witness withdrawal cell phones in the middle of the table. symptoms when the phone is The first person to reach for their away or when the network is phone buys everyone else a dessert or unreachable, like restlessness, a drink. irritability, depression, tension, anger, etc.

4. Take a break Unless you’re on call at the local ER, 9. You use it on every occasion pick one day a week to power down.

You use a cell phone at If you absolutely must check emails social gatherings leading for work, give yourself 30 minutes, to disconnection in once in the morning and once in the relationships. These events afternoon, to do so. Otherwise, make it a mental game to keep your phone are meant to be enjoyed and interact with people but you are glued turned off. Intimidated by going an entire day? Start by turning your to your phone instead of connecting phone off for an hour, and gradually with people in real life. build up the amount of time you leave it off.

10. You keep it handy Your phone is in your hand all the Turn off your phone, save your time. And when the phone is near relationship you at all moments, you are bound to Cell phones and relationship problems check it more frequently. are not unrelated. Cell phones ruining marriages are more common than we 4 Strategies for controlling cell realize at times. We treat ourselves as phone usage an exception and let our vices get the best of us.

Fortunately, you have the power to overcome your cell phone addiction.

Give the following ideas a try to break You must understand that your phone keeps you connected to work and the grip your cell phone has on you distant friends and relatives— but can and your relationship. isolate you from the one you love most.

1. Unplug 30 minutes before bed

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A Word From The Word-Smith Enthusiast “We never know when our lives will change. Losing a loved one or friend gives us great pause. We’ll wonder who is still available to see, touch, hold, and cherish.

The day and hour of our departure from this life we do not know!

While we learn to navigate life after losing someone, we make it through those tough times. Ultimately we understand that one day family and friends will lose you.” I chose the word LOSE! LOSE - be deprived of or cease to have or retain (something) - suffer a loss of - no longer have - stop having - to miss from one’s possession or a customary supposed place - to suffer deprivation of - fail to win, gain, or obtain - fail to keep, sustain, or maintain - cause to miss one’s way - to wander or to go astray from - to draw away from - to fail to keep in sight or mind - to free oneself from - get rid of - undergo defeat - lose ground - to suffer loss or disadvantage - fail to advance or improve L- Languor - weakness or weariness of body or mind - hebetude (lethargy/dullness) - latitude (fatigue) lethargy (abnormal drowsiness) - listlessness (lack of interest) - super (considerably dulled) - torpor (mental/ motor inactivity)

It’s your turn!

L O S E

When you attend a Vlog or Facebook Live session of Are You Stuck, you are encouraged to feel your love, hurts, cares, beliefs, your falls, and your get back-ups in life. We use words to endorse intentional change and support not looking back.

You’re invited to join me on Facebook Live at 9 am CST Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

O- Onward - toward a point ahead or in front, forward as in space or time - at a position or point in advance - directed or moving onward - forth - forward - alee along - beyond - moving - on - in front S- Subjective - based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions.

- personal - personalized - internal - emotional instinctive - intuitive - impressionistic - biased E- Enlightened - having or showing a rational modern, and well-informed outlook.

- informed - aware - educated - learned knowledgeable - wise - literate - intellectual - cultural - sophisticated - advanced - developed liberal - open-minded - broad-minded

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Sandra Gary Winborne, Ph.D.

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Are You Stuck?

Join Dr. Winborne on Facebook LIVE Mondays - Wednesdays and Fridays 9 am CDT

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Do YOU...

Unapologetically

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photo credit - La’SHAYe Marshall Fashion Stylist: A. La’SHAYe Marshall THE OTHER WOMAN

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Being Outdoors Can Make You Healthier and Happier www.sharp.com/health

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resh air, sun, trees. Nature is a magical thing, and according to some studies, can have strong healing powers — such as improving mood, boosting the immune system and increasing anti-cancer proteins.

"Being outdoors in nature can be healing and beneficial for the body and mind," says Erica Price, a certified therapeutic recreational specialist at Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital. "Whether at the beach, forest or in a neighborhood park, nature offers a calming effect. And when we combine nature with physical activity, it can help fight depression and anxiety."

Right now, in the age of COVID19's self-distancing and shelter-inplace orders, there's never been a better time, and bigger need, for the benefits of nature.

"Now that some restrictions have been lifted, it is getting easier to get back to nature and all it has to offer," says Price. "But be sure to keep safety in mind. When in nature with others, keep a distance of six feet, wear face coverings and wash your hands as often as you can."

According to Price, being outdoors can improve your health and well-being in the following five ways: Lowers your blood pressure and reduces stress — Spending time walking among or simply looking at trees lowers blood pressure and reduces the stress-related hormones cortisol and adrenaline.

Improves mood — Researchers have found that nature simply makes us happy. Anxiety, depression and anger are notably decreased after spending time outdoors.

Improves focus — Studies show that both adults

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and children who have difficulties focusing or controlling impulses are better able to concentrate after being in nature. The natural world allows our brains to take a break from all that mentally drains us, and even reduces symptoms of attentiondeficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Helps us heal quicker — Illness and surgery can be painful and frightening, which can increase stress and slow healing. However, researchers discovered that patients who spent time outdoors during their recovery required fewer painkillers, had fewer complications and experienced shorter hospital stays.

Supports graceful aging — According to a study in the Journal of Aging and Health, adults over 70 who spent time outdoors experienced fewer sleep difficulties, complained less about aches and pains, and enjoyed improved mobility and ability to perform daily activities.

Price notes that spending time outside can be especially beneficial during holidays, when schedules become fuller and stress levels rise.

"I love to walk in neighborhoods to see how people celebrate different holidays — what a great way to enjoy the health benefits of being outdoors and to take your mind to a positive place of peace and gratitude."

THE OTHER WOMAN

Beach Brain Dr. Heidi Hanna, a Fellow and Advisory Board Member for the American Institute of Stress has made this type of research her career. Coined “beach brain,” this phenomenon is both miraculous and not entirely surprising. Read the article in its entirety at - https://www.byrdie.com/health-benefits-of-the-beach

What Is “Beach Brain?” “’Beach brain’ has come up as part of my research as a neuroscientist over the past couple of years— studying how the sights and sounds of the beach directly affect our psyche. ‘Beach Brain’ integrates the mental and physical benefits of what we have come to appreciate about spending time at the beach, and provides a specific pathway for reaching that same state of mind and body, even when we’re stuck in the office.

What Are the Benefits?

According to Hanna, increased relaxation will help reduce toxic stress hormones in your brain and body. Which, of course, makes sense. But it’ll also aid in reducing muscle tension, improving focus and attention, and enhancing an overall sense of peace, happiness, and wellbeing.

Sunshine. Of course, it lifts our mood and energy levels. But, accordigng to Hanna, natural light and vitamin D are necessary for metabolism, bone health, and immune function. Plus they’re shown to decrease depression.

Sand. “When we imagine the beach, we can all easily feel the warm sand between our toes,” Hanna says. “In fact, the sensation of being barefoot (the foot actually has the most nerve endings per square inch as compared to the rest of the body) in nature has a grounding effect and is shown to boost your mood.” This is a phenomenon called “earthing,” and it’s very real. “Plus,” Hanna continues, “the negative ions in salty ocean air have been shown to reduce inflammation and improve immune function.”

How to Reap the Benefits Without Living by the Beach As much as we’d all like to hit the beach every day, we know that’s not realistic. That’s why Hanna works to help people channel the beach from anywhere, even from their home or office. “’The beach’ can be a state of mind we take with us through sensory experiences if we have the right tools,” “The first step is simply putting on a pair of sandals and channeling the energy that comes from freeing your toes.” She Surf. “Listening to the sound of waves crashing has suggests keeping a pair under your desk and slipping them on for a been shown to enhance relaxation more than any few minutes a day, or wearing them around the house (even in the other sound,” Hanna shares. “It also decreases blood winter). “Your brain will actually start to associate those shoes with pressure and improves heart rate variability.” And, the same relaxation properties that the beach offers,” she says. You the sound is not the only beneficial thing about the can also mimic the smell of the negative ions that come from salt air. surf—according to Hanna, the minerals in ocean “Mix essential oils to create your own ‘beach blend,’ Last, a popular water help reduce pain for people with arthritis and meditative method is listening to the sounds of the ocean (which aid in skin repair and elasticity.

Hanna calls “quite possibly the most relaxing sound on the planet”).

THE OTHER WOMAN

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#whoisshe High school class favorite, cheerleader, top beauty nominee, wife, mother of two adult sons, plus so much more!

Meet back cover model,

Tami Alford Duttweiler

“It has taken me a long time to completely understand my worth as a woman. My mother taught me at a very early age the value and importance of being a strong, independent, and self-reliant woman.

Obviously, I didn’t completely grasp how important her words were, but I do now.”

What would you tell your younger self? I would probably tell myself to do some things a little bit differently.

Most of the people that have known me since childhood know that I led a pretty sheltered life. My parents ran a tight ship! One thing for sure, I knew how to stay out of trouble! When you are a military brat, you were always told to stay out of trouble! Simply because your parent was at risk of losing their job. Basically, my mom put the fear of God in me early on.

She loved us so and wanted to protect us. That being said, I missed out on so much fun! Innocent fun! I’d take life a little less serious! I’d go back, grab my friends, and we’d have a good time!

You have two sons. What was your most challenging part of motherhood? Motherhood is not for the faint of heart! I believe that it is the most rewarding and fulfilling role a woman can have. There is a lot of laughter, hugs, love, and has made my life so full! My cup runneth over! What was so difficult for me was raising my children and having a career at the same time. Finding balance and meeting all of their

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My mantra: “If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. However, the wisest thing you can do is be present in the present…Gratefully.”

Maya Angelou needs was not easy! I had two boys that I was trying to raise to eventually be good, grown men. Protecting them from all that is crazy in our world, and at the same time giving them the tools necessary to face adversity. From meals to playing outside, bedtime stories, church, soccer, etc. I didn’t know if I was coming or going half the time.

Their needs came first! But….I also had a profession to contend with. Quite a balancing act! You kind of get lost in the middle!

What has aging taught you? I am 58 years young, but it wasn’t until I turned 45 that aging taught me some powerful lessons. I had a pretty devastating health scare and it changed my life in so many ways. In the beginning, I was so fearful of the unknown and I reacted by sheltering myself. I was afraid to do any of the things I use to do out of fear.

It has taken a lot of hard work, time, and faith to change that mindset. Even

then, there are still remnants of that fear, but I keep plugging away. I have such a greater appreciation for this wonderful life I have, and I am determined to live it to the fullest!

Aging has taught me to live each day like it’s my last! Love hard! Garbage in! Garbage out!

Have you met The Other Woman?

Yes! I have meant the other woman, and I’ve been waiting on her and just didn’t know it until a few years ago.

I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last several years from my health to no longer working! My house was the gathering place for the boys and their friends, and there was always something going on! I, also, had two other young adults living with us who were simply an extension of my family. The day came when both my boys and my adoptees graduated from college and moved away within a month of each other. And then THE OTHER WOMAN

with sketching. I did it every day! Made me happy and kept my mind busy! Then, I started to spend some time with a couple of very close high school friends. They have been a blessing!

It started to dawn on me that something was changing in me.

The most fulfilling thing that I am doing right now is painting. I have spent a lot of time reflecting, and I realize that “the other woman” in me has existed all along. I believe that women are complex beings. We might be mothers, grandmothers, wives, homemakers, professionals, mentors, etc. We often go through life never realizing what we are fully capable of and what we have to give to this great big world we live in. I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve met “the other woman,” and she truly amazes me and continues to lead me on to bigger and better things. For those of you that are reading this, start looking for her now. The possibilities are endless! Yes! I have set her free!

there was a silence I hadn’t ever experienced.

For years, my house was always wide open! I always knew that the day would come when I would have to let them go and start a life for themselves, but I could have never been more unprepared. I was in this house filled with empty rooms and the feeling of loss. I spent twenty-plus years completely devoted to my family and a career that no longer kept me busy. I was lost! I hadn’t given a thought about myself in FOREVER!!! Then, enters “The Other Woman!” All of those years, raising a family and having a career, there wasn’t really “Tami” anymore. I always knew there had to be something else. What I didn’t realize was “the other woman,” was already way ahead of me. So, I started thinking about how to build a life for myself. I could only clean so much. I remembered how much I loved to draw when I taught elementary school for 16 years. I knew I had a little creativity in me. So, it all began THE OTHER WOMAN

What are your hobbies, talents, and skills? I like paddleboarding, crocheting, and drawing. Talents: painting, drawing, interior decorating. Skills: working with children, giving large group presentations, management skills, and building relationships. I also love music and I love to dance! I can be painting, vacuuming, or whatever! Then a good song will play, and from that point on, the only thing going on is my personal dance floor! One song in particular that I love is “I’m Every Woman.” It makes me feel like I can take on the world, and it just reinforces what we should all know as women. We are strong and capable of anything!

I started painting about a year and a half ago. I really had never even given it a thought. My artwork consisted of decorating bulletin boards when I was an elementary school teacher. I have a cousin that is an accomplished artist, and she had seen some of my sketches and asked me if I had ever considered learning to paint. One thing led to another, and she asked me to visit and we would paint. When I got there, she had set me up with an easel, brushes, paint, and a canvas. She gave me instruction and guidance, and we painted all week in our pajamas! I was in heaven! She opened up a whole new world to “the other woman,” and I am so grateful.

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#whoisshe My name is Reagan Hunter and I’m 20 years old.

I attend Kennesaw State University.

Do you have a favorite song? My

Reagan Hunter

Why Kennesaw State?

The only reason being is that it was instate, didn’t require an essay to apply and I matched all the qualifications to get in Kennesaw was a great choice for me and my life because it’s helping me turn my hobbies into a career.

What are your hobbies? One hobby is making music. I actually consider it more than a hobby and has grown more and more complex as I’ve been learning about music and the music business at school.

I make music with my friend who’s a producer also, and we’ve been working really hard to create and start putting stuff out there.

Has anyone in the music industry influenced you? Not a specific person, but I think I listen to a lot of varying genres which has influenced my taste in music and what I write. I tend to write songs in different genres too which can make it difficult to create one cohesive project at times.

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favorite or most listened-to song right now is ‘Overflow’ by jeebanoff. It’s really peaceful and pretty.

You have a passion for music. What is your ultimate goal? I’m not sure, but I guess broadly speaking I want to write and perform for myself and others and to remain feeling as free and as contempt as possible. I’d also like music to maintain my livelihood and live comfortably off of it and be able to support my family too. Music-wise I want to make music that helps people feel what they need to feel. It doesn’t have to be happy (though that is an important part of the goal) because that’s not always realistic, just whatever they need.

You also have an interest in learning different languages. How did this begin? It started out as a hobby but is now way more is learning languages. My current focus is on Korean, Why Korean? I originally started learning because my friends knew how to read it and I wanted to learn too. I

tried learning alone, and that didn’t work, so I decided to take actual classes at KSU. Now I plan to study abroad in Seoul in the fall.

How long will you be in Korea? I ultimately plan to stay for a year, but I’m taking it a semester at a time.

What do you think will be your greatest challenge living in Korea?

I feel like a really big challenge for me being in Korea might be just the overall language barrier. I do plan on becoming fluent, but that’ll take a while. It will also be the first time I live so far away from home or my family and friends, which I’m sure will take a long time to adjust to. I know my family supports me going, but I know we’ll definitely miss each other.

What are you sacrificing by leaving the United States? One thing I could be sacrificing by leaving the U.S is certain opportunities with my music since I plan to drop an EP right before I leave, but I think I’ll be where I’m supposed to when I’m THE OTHER WOMAN

What advice would you give your peers about traveling abroad? I’d say to anyone my age that wants to travel abroad to go for it. Of course, that’s way easier said than done, but I think the research is worth it. Look into what would be best for you and scholarships and stuff and really try to make it work while you can.

You are quite ambitious. Who or what do you credit for this? I think with the path I’ve chosen with music I can only be ambitious. I credit my lack of interest in anything else; and God. How would you define success?

I’d define success as satisfaction. No matter what kind of outcome or whatever happens, if you feel satisfied nothing else really matters. You can’t please everyone, so I think success for me is inward, like how I feel. That’s how we all perceive the world anyway, from the inside. To feel successful isn’t an amount of something or others’ opinions but rather what I think or feel. Not that I don’t want to impact others, because I do, but the specifics aren’t important as long as I feel satisfied and at peace.

Any thoughts on marriage and children in the future? I don’t really have any thoughts about marriage and kids. I’d like to get married eventually, I’m not sure about kids though.

Share something about yourself that others may not know about you. I can say the ABCs backwards!

Live Your Life...

If not now, when?

supposed to, especially since I’m very interested in the Korean music scene as well.

“Music is a moral law.

It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.”

Plato

THE OTHER WOMAN

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#whoisshe

Soldier for as long as I can remember.

Did you face any challenges being a female in the military?

The biggest challenge in the Army for me and many other women of color is that you have to work twice as harder for opportunities.

You have to without a shadow of a doubt be the absolute best at what you do. That is the only way to break those angry black women stigmas placed on us.

What was the most valuable lesson you learned in the Army? Work hard for what you want, Stand up for what you believe in at all costs, and take care of Soldiers no matter what! Soldiers come from all backgrounds.

Some join to escape the realities of life and you never know how much you can positively impact others. I am definitely a testimony to both the giving and receiving end.

Would you recommend the military to women? Why? At this point in my life; I am not sure how to answer that question.

20-year-old Idaya would say go for it!!!

41-year-old Idaya would tell you to stay on your academics and build multiple opportunities for yourself so the military would not be your only option.

Born in Brooklyn, NY, retired Army First Sergeant Idaya Lashon Waters-Mendes says she is absolutely living her life to the fullest.

What’s one thing you love about being a woman? The ability to cope with any and every curve ball life throws your way while continuously living your life like absolutely nothing is wrong.

What are you doing to say you’re living your life to the fullest? I am cooking and traveling and these are my plans for as long as I continue to breathe this great United States of America air.

Congratulations on your retirement from the United States Army. How long did you serve? I served 22 years and 11 months. I’ve been stationed in Germany, South Carolina, North Carolina, Hawaii, South Korea, and Virginia, and retired in Texas (Fort Hood).

Why did you decide to join the Army? My older cousin, Nancy, served in the Army during Desert Storm. She is educated, well-spoken, and an overall amazing woman. She’s definitely one of the reasons I decided to serve. I have always wanted to be a

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THE OTHER WOMAN

WWSYM

Based on your life experiences, what would you tell young girls to prepare them for womanhood? Prepare yourself financially.

Set boundaries. Know your worth. Take your time. Adulting is not for the faint-hearted.

K. WRIGHT

What is the most courageous thing you’ve ever done? I have a fear of heights and water. I jumped from a cliff into a Cenote in Mexico this past October. Biggest rush ever!!!!

What are your hobbies, talents, and favorite past-time activities? Cooking and collecting sneakers.

Now that you’re retired, what are your plans? I’m attending Culinary School in August I’ve enjoyed cooking since I was a child and culinary will help me perfect and polish my skills.

Married with two children, Idaya has already turned her love for cooking into a business named The Plug Chefs who are chefs passionate about food, love, vibes, and family.

Follow The Plug Chefs on IG @the_plug_chefs

“I would rather be a babysitter than a nursemaid.”

Ivana Trump

I

have no regrets in life - none. In my mid-eighties, I can look back and honestly say I lived a full, enjoyable life. I lived on the edge and took risks. I even did some things others would frown upon, but it was my life, and thinking about those “things” puts a smile on my face. My friends and family who know me well also know age is just a number in my book. I can still keep up with my great-grandchildren because I took care of myself in my younger years. A healthy lifestyle was important to me.

Unlike many of my peers, I feel like I have a lot of life left in me. I’m not ready for the nursing home or an assisted living apartment. I still drive myself wherever I go, I exercise daily, and I cook for myself but I’d love to be able to cook for someone else. Widowed for almost five years now, I desire companionship. My body may be aging, but my mind is youthful and strong. I still desire intimacy and a warm body at night would be nice. I’m sure if I go to a seniors’ living place the men would be plentiful, but I don’t want to assist anyone. I’ve been there and done that with my deceased husband. I was a nursemaid for the last six years of his life.

Although tiresome, I loved taking care of my husband until his death; it was an honor because he took care of me our entire marriage. The least I could do was lovingly care for him. No one else was going to love him through his illness like I was and no one else should have to. Now, I desire someone who can match my energy, go places and do things. I’m not finished living!

I’m not the typical elderly woman. “Little old lady” is not an accurate description of me. No, I can’t move as fast as I used to, but I haven’t stopped moving. I don’t know how many years I have left, but I see nothing wrong with a desire for companionship. I’m human and age has nothing to do with emotions. Emotions don’t grow old and die.

If I were a man, I’d be encouraged to go chase a skirt or two, so don’t judge me because I’m a female. I was once told that no man wants to have sex with an 80-year-old woman, but to set the record straight, there are plenty of men - YOUNGER men having sex with much older women. Every man is not full of himself and looking for a pretty young thing. Some men want a seasoned, sexy senior. There is no drama here, no judgment, no wasting time, no games, no false eyelashes or heavy makeup. I even have a head full of my own hair. I am not ashamed of who I am or what I want. I hope other seasoned seniors realize that it’s okay to be human - to desire - to want - to love.

Widowed Woman Seeks Younger Man

THE OTHER WOMAN

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LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE ROSIE L SHEDRICK

A

t the blessed age of 81, I am still learning and one thing I know for sure is to not let anything that happens in life to surprise you and you won’t be knocked off your feet!! My mother used to say, “Just keep on living, you haven’t seen nothing yet!

Life is fragile and unpredictable. Wisdom and knowledge won’t come all at once, it comes in steps. Life teaches us as we go along our path. When we’ve been saddened, life teaches us to appreciate happiness. Life will create chaos, so we will learn peace. Unfortunately, we learn the value of our loved ones and their presence when we’ve lost them.

The best lessons learned usually come from our own mistakes. Embrace those mistakes and allow yourself to learn from them instead of beating yourself up over them.

Life is fragile and unpredictable. The good, the bad, and the ugly - embrace it all. In the blink of an eye, our whole life can change and we can lose life at any moment. LIVE your life to the fullest. LAUGH more and LOVE always.

I’ve lost quite a few close friends in the past couple of years and it’s ironic how death will give a new perspective on life and also a greater appreciation for life. Blessed to still have my health and strength, I’m mindful to have a heart of gratitude each and every day I wake up. It’s a privilege to age!

To the younger women reading, enjoy your youthfulness and look forward to meeting the older woman in you; you’ll like her!. Whatever age you are, embrace time because it goes by quickly and life is short - shorter for some than for others.

C

herish the time you have with loved ones. Nothing is too important to stay upset about it; always forgive!

You can’t control situations but you can control your reaction to them.

Don’t look for others to make you happy. You are in charge of your own happiness.

Don’t add years to your life - add life to your years while you LIVE, LAUGH and LOVE! 32

photo credit Wild Artistry Photography

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.”

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross THE OTHER WOMAN

Aging Is a Woman’s Secret Power JEANETTE McCLENNON www.nbcnews.com

I

n less than 15 years, people aged 65 and up will outnumber those 18 and under for the first time in U.S. history.

This major demographic shift presents a good opportunity for reevaluating our stereotypes and negative assumptions about getting older. Aging comes for us all, so it’s time to tune into its upsides, particularly for women.

Right now, older women face a double challenge of ageism and sexism, and a common response to these obstacles is to feel uncomfortable as one ages and try to hide it to the extent possible. But

THE OTHER WOMAN

in fact, being older is a tremendous advantage for many women, particularly women in leadership positions. As our society shifts toward an older workforce, it’s extremely important for women to embrace their age — to both spare themselves unnecessary grief and to reach their greatest potential.

This advantage isn’t simply a feel-good rallying cry to give older women a self-esteem boost; it’s clear from data gathered by data scientist Catherine Hicks, in partnership with my firm McClennan Masson and Tetra Insights, from surveys of more than 1,000 American men and women aged 18 to 90 aimed at gaining insight into the later stages of life. What we found through a blend of research scales and open-ended questions is that older people are happier than other age groups and far more productive than commonly believed.

The older adults we surveyed (in their 60s, 70s and 80s) were more likely to report feeling calm, optimistic, cheerful

Indeed, the image of the lonely, cranky senior simply doesn’t match reality.

Instead, we tend to be happier as we age. and full of life, and less likely to report hopelessness, restlessness, nervousness or sadness, than those in their 20s, 30s and 40s. The results are supported by a body of scientific literature showing that happiness is roughly U-shaped, dipping at mid-life and increasing as we age.

There is also often a sense of purpose that comes from having lived longer and, particularly, going through loss, something that’s increasingly likely to be the case the older one gets.

Experiencing the death of a loved one can put things in sharp relief, offering perspective for the road ahead. One participant from our survey, Carol, 68, said that after losing her mother, “Everything in my life has to have meaning now.” That attitude can help galvanize those around you.

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#whoisshe K

imberly Sue Phares loves the outdoor life. Not gardening or riding a bicycle, but she enjoys the more adventurous side of being outdoors. Hunting, bow fishing, archery, and other adventurous activities are more her speed.

Kim also started an organization to encourage women to get outdoors and experience all it has to offer. Living in Texas, Kimberly has had the opportunity to indoctrinate many women into the world of outdoor adventures. If you ever feel your brave, outdoorsy side surfacing or would like to face your fear of the outdoors, visit Charmed Women’s Outdoor Adventures on Fb and see what these adventurous women are up to. Below are a few words from Kimberly.

all out each and every time.

The military (Army). Another place another uniform. I loved every minute of military life and I would join again if I could. I was a leader and excelled in various tasks.

Motherhood. I was a badass and a screwup but I loved every bit of it and still do. It showed and continues to show me that LOVE is never a doubt when it comes from your kids. No matter what you do. They are your biggest fans when you find your way back.

I feel powerful in my camouflage and carrying my bow. I feel like a superhero and the camo is my armor. I feel empowered to share my outdoor knowledge with other women.

I felt pretty damn powerful the day I told myself to compete in a bodybuilding bikini show. I set a timeline and goal and then hired the best dang coach in my town.

I didn’t win, but we crushed the show! I was a winner because I did the damn thing.

All these things have shaped me into the woman I am today and I am pretty dang proud of what I see in the mirror.

To all the women who wear different hats, go crush that goal or dream and be proud.

Women are POWERFUL!

Women we travel down many roads.

And some of those roads teach us some valuable lessons.

It teaches us that we are stronger and can achieve more than what we thought capable.

Below are some of the moments in life I felt the strongest.

Always on the basketball court. I dominated and I felt like it was my domain. I wasn’t unstoppable, but I went

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THE OTHER WOMAN

#whoisshe “ You Are Not Your Hair.”

India Arie “It was time to change my life - to become the woman I am inside. I am not my hair. I am not my skin, I am not your expectations! im bald-headed like a full moon shinning...

I am not my hair!”

I

Bodacious ME

ve been wearing the bald look for almost three years now and it was after shaving my head that I met the other woman. I remember it vividly. My hair was thinning, but I didn’t know if it was from aging or the hereditary trait of Alopecia.

What I did know was I was tired of hiding my imperfections with weave and wigs. My hairline had worn bald as a result of years of abuse from using bonding glue for the weave. I often removed a patch of hair when I removed the weave cap. so I did the unthinkable - I shaved my head.

Now, when I look in the mirror the woman I see isn’t who I saw so many times before. The other woman has emerged and she is free - free of the stigma I allowed society to place on me about beauty and femininity. I decided I didn’t care anymore what people said or thought. I no longer cared how people saw me. I didn’t need hair to be beautiful. I felt and looked beautiful with my balk head. I was overcome with a sense of strength and empowerment.

Shaving my head changed my perspective of the opinions of other people. I came to the realization that having no hair had no bearing on who I was or the beauty I possessed. It doesn’t matter. No hair-don’t care!!

If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell her that self-love is all that is ever needed and

THE OTHER WOMAN

LINDA ALBRITTON it’s not necessary to look for love to be reciprocated or for happiness from other people.

I know happiness is within me and I plan to enjoy my golden years doing what I love which is shopping, spending time with family and friends, watching a good movie, watching basketball, and I’m waiting for football season! Go, Cowboys! Something else I love that I’ve been doing for twenty-plus years is being a bartender. Bartending allows me to meet new people. My bold baldness is always an ice breaker for conversation! Like and follow Linda’s Fb page @BodaciousME

“Every woman should shave her head once in her life to experience what it feels like.”

Bai Ling 35

Let’s Visit Savannah!

BRITTANY LEIGH DAVIS

I

t’s a cool, crisp October morning with a breeze flowing through your hair. Imagine walking in the shade from the Southern Live Oaks (Georgia’s state tree) which can be seen all over town. Today, I’m going to take you on a trip to Savannah, Georgia where my family and I went on to experience all the spine-tingling spooks and the old, historic, beautiful homes still standing in the city today!

suggest walking the sidewalk for a slow, leisurely look around the city and you’ll see the nicest people walking around and giving you a smile and a welcome greeting as you take in the sites. Don’t forget those gorgeous Live Oaks lining the streets keeping the breeze blowing and giving a comfortable atmosphere.

Our suite was sitting right next door to Mrs. Wilkes’ Dining Room.

Although it was closed by the time we

Looking around, you see all the Halloween decorations that locals have put out just in time to celebrate All Hallows’ Eve.

Day 1 - Our first stop was at the Cathedral Basilica of St. John the Baptist. It is even more beautiful than the pictures give it credit for!

This was a free tour but make sure to check the days and times you want to explore this magnificent church because it’s still an infunction church and has weekly services.

After our tour, it was check-in time for our hotel. We stayed in a suite on Jones Street nicknamed The Prettiest Street in Savannah. I 36

got to our Suite, I could literally smell the deliciousness as soon as I stepped out of our car. Mrs. Wilkes’ is famous for her fried chicken and sides that she generously serves. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water, I am definitely going to stop by for lunch on my next visit! Once we unpacked, we had reservations set for the Olde Pink House, an 18th-century mansion. One thing for certain is you will want to make reservations to any restaurant

while in Savannah because they fill up fast due to the tourist attractions. The Olde Pink House is one of the more dressy restaurants with a different menu for daytime and evening dining. You are free to look around all of the rooms in the mansion.

Day 2 – On our second morning, we stopped by this nice restaurant called Clary’s to have breakfast.

Later, we found out that Clary’s was in a movie, and that it might be haunted!

Breakfast with the ghosts has a nice ring to it!

Our day was full of tours of old homes in the Savannah area. We started at the Sorrell Weed House, one of the most famous houses in Savannah because of its dark history. So much tragedy has occurred in this house, it has become known as the most haunted house in Savannah. We took a tour just before lunch.

As our tour was finishing up, I heard what sounded like footsteps coming up the huge staircase of the house. There was no tour behind us and when I looked to see if it was someone else who worked in the house, I saw no one. This gave me chills up and down my spine and do hope THE OTHER WOMAN

to take a night tour of the Sorrell Weed house in the future! It’s been said to get very spooky!

The next stop on our house tour was the Owens-Thomas House built for the wealthy banker, shipping merchant, and slave trader Richard Richardson and his wife. This tour gives you access to the house, the gardens, the carriage house, the slave quarters, and the art museums with one ticket. The house was absolutely beautiful and beyond what you might think possible for a family home, but walking through the slave quarters was heartbreaking. It was so cold and bare; no one should have to live like that. They didn’t even have running water to bathe in. It brought tears to my eyes standing in a room where that history took place. It’ll make you feel disgusted that people were treated in such an awful way.

This eye-opening experience made me realize just how contrasting it was from being part of the wealthy class living in high luxury with anything you wanted at your fingertips to those who were lower class and poor living almost in hiding and in deep poverty with the bare minimum and not much of anything to call their own.

To end our day, we visited the Mercer-Williams House of the then famous celebrity Jim Williams. He bought and restored many buildings around the town and was a great art collector. He was arrested in 1981 for allegedly murdering his lover at the Mercer House, which later inspired a book and a movie titled “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”. After four murder trials, Williams was acquitted of the murder in 1989, eight years after his first arrest.

In 1990, only eight months after his acquittal, Williams died THE OTHER WOMAN

of heart failure unexpectedly in his home, the same home where he was accused of killing his lover.

Many people around Savannah have a hard time believing that it is a coincidence that Mr. Williams died in the exact home where his lover was found shot to death. The legends told are that Mr. Williams' death was more of revenge than that of an accident.

They do ask that no pictures are taken on this tour, but the house is spectacular to roam through!

We walked through Forsyth Park, Savannah’s most famous park. The atmosphere around the park is very familyfriendly. You’ll see families picnicking, playing sports, or just taking in the magnificent views. The fountain at Forsyth Park is the most photographed in the world because it is so beautiful. Weddings occur regularly around that fountain all year long!

The Pirates’ House was our choice for supper. Don’t let the name fool you, they offer a wide variety of food to choose from! I decided to go with the fried shrimp and fries and was not disappointed in the slightest! This was my favorite meal of the trip. It’s worth a second visit when I return!

Day 3 – Our third and final day

began with a trolley bus tour. We took the one that you could hop on and off at stops during the tour of the city. We visited the River Street side of the city (too crowded for my

liking), although seeing the Savanna River and all of the statues and monuments they have set up on that side was a wonderful experience. There are a lot of shops set up for shopping, but it is also the busiest part of town. After our trolley tour, we decided to take a trip to the beach. Tybee Island is about a 20-minute drive from Savannah. It was still warm enough to get your feet in the water and enjoy a walk along the shoreside. We enjoyed the views for about half an hour and started back on our way to Savannah. Before getting back into Savannah, we stopped at a local restaurant a friend referred us to, The Original Crab Shack. It has a very laidback feel and there is no need to dress up.

Lights hung from the ceiling with fish and crab decorations covering the walls plus alligators are right outside of the eating area! Don’t worry, there is a wall between you and them! They have their own pond and wildlife play area where you can feed them if you’re brave enough! The only downside about the restaurant is that the menu was limited. If you like crab, oysters,

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or boiled shrimp, you will love it there; if not, you may leave hungry. I decided on the Shrimp Salad Sandwich. Overall, it was a nice experience and entertaining.

If you’re thinking about planning a trip to the South, consider Savannah, Georgia, and wear comfy clothes and shoes! Although our trip was in October, the humidity was no joke! No need to get dressed up and cute (t-shirt and jeans or shorts) will be fine; save your nice clothes for dinner and be prepared to do a lot of walking.

Get a daytime parking pass! If not, you’ll have to leave your tour or leisure walks to find your car and feed the parking meter every two hours. Take all the tours you can fit into your day! It was such a learning experience for us and every one of them was entertaining. Book ahead!

Be sure to make reservations for lunch, and supper, and buy your tour tickets ahead of time or you’ll spend most of your time waiting. I suggest taking the Bus Trolley tour on your first day. You’ll get to see all the popular spots of the city while on the bus and get an idea of where everything is located.

I do hope that I get to see Savannah again in the future because there was so much that we didn’t get to do.

Savannah is a huge city with so much to explore, our three days didn’t leave us enough time to get to everything! Some spots worth mentioning for those who are looking to go are Wormsloe Historic Site, Bonaventure Cemetery, Juliette Gordon Low Birthplace, Fort Pulaski, Tybee Island Light, and Colonial Park Cemetery.

I hope we have time on our next visit to explore all of these! Savannah is full of history, dark secrets, beautiful old mansions, and terrible hardships, which brings a whole new life to the city. You will fall in love with the history and beauty of Savannah!

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The Cathedral Basilica of St. John the Baptist

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Time to Get Away!

Take a vacation. That’s what you typically hear when you have a lot going on in your life. To just pick a place and travel somewhere may be difficult for some, but changing your every day scenery is good for your mental health. It doesn’t matter if you’re studying abroad in a different country, or getting away for the day, traveling is a great way to relieve stress and makes you feel better.

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Craft Me Up Creations All things neat and cute. A craft love producing graphic t-shirts, tumblers/cups, party decor, gifts plus more. A passion for uniqueness and personalization

SMALL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

Owner, Akia Bentley

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How long have you been crafting?

I have been crafting since I was a child. My mom has always included crafting in my growing up and learning experiences. Years before all of the dollar store DIY projects, she would use everyday items for crafts. I truly believe today’s social media crafters have been stealing her ideas…lol!

Why did you begin crafting? Crafting has always been a hobby or pastime of mine. I blame my mom for my love of crafting. She would always bring out crafts and projects. This is something she still does to this day. As I have gotten older and lived across the country from my family and friends, crafting has been my busy work.

My busy work would turn into a masterpiece that others seemed to love.

How was your business birthed?

Well, for years I have created things such as party banners, decor, and birthday shirts for free. Additionally, I loved making itineraries and activities to go along with the party goodies I had created. When the pandemic hit, my mind went into ways to celebrate various occasions without gathering. Truthfully, I realized my giving heart was really breaking me financially. So, it was then that I decided to turn my love for crafting into a business.

How long have you been in business?

April marked my one-year anniversary of official business. I am excited to see more of my creativity come to fruition.

about anxiety and overthinking. The end goal always equates to success, so maybe a little overthinking is ok.

Crafting can be both fun and easy and allows the chance to learn and be challenged.

Would you recommend crafting to others? Why? Definitely, yes! I love encouraging others to do some type of crafting, even if it goes in the trash. The thinking, handson, and completion of a craft builds skills and confidence.

Craft Me Up Creations is your nifty and trendy shop for graphic tees and drinkware for the whole family. I have recently added cute tote bags You can visit my website, www.CrafteMeUpCreations. com or my FB page www.facebook.com/kiacraftmeup/ as well as the VIP group for exclusives, up-to-date inventory, and upcoming pop-up shops. I am always vending in various pop-shop opportunities alongside other small business owners. Visit me to find my latest creations and to make purchases!

What benefits do you receive through crafting? Hands-on crafting is a stress reliever, but the process of planning brings THE OTHER WOMAN

Torn and Transformed With tissue paper as our paint, together we create!

It’s time to unplug and explore your creative spirit with artist, Deborah Shedrick.

Schedule an intimate one-on-one art session of fun, therapeutic art with a Torn and Transformed workshop. Create an original 11x15 colorful work of art with the artist!

No need to leave your home! Deborah will visit you! (VIRTUAL) Contact SHEDRICK STUDIO on Fb to schedule. Only $47 for a LIMITED TIME Includes all supplies!

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Your level of confidence hits a new high when you know your worth.

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THE OTHER WOMAN

BEWARE! Love Bombing T

Below is a text message sent to Kenneth when we initially connected.

I said:

I’ve always played it safe Calculating outcomes Never finding what I wanted Settling instead for what was there And for years I stayed alone No fear No loss No love Then you came I don’t care to play it safe I’ve already jumped No parachute No safety net Nothing but air And the faith that you’ll be there to catch me If you’re not, God will I love you...

He said:

I will catch you

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his New Year's Eve I didn't make any resolutions.

Instead, I made one affirmation, "Nothing is too good to be true for me this year."

When I scanned the areas of my life that I wanted to heal, one sore spot came immediately to my attention. I wanted a man. I wanted MY man. A man who was delighted with the joy of us.

I've read one statistic that indicated middle aged Black women are more likely to be attracted by Al Qaeda than they are to get married.

Well, I decided to take responsibility for my romantic outcome and opted to join a dating app. I was amazed by the number of younger men who reached out to me. And it was a much younger man that has won my heart. Kenneth is 20years my junior and is easily irritated if I question his attraction to me, his 62 year old love interest.

Because he’s in the Army and deployed, it would be a while before we met face to face. We sent pictures to each other and had grown to trust and be as vulnerable as we could through texts. I felt good. To be honest, I was on cloud nine and was feeling better than I had in a long time.

I guess that’s what love will do for you. I started exercising and eating healthier.

I was almost afraid to say it, but I felt like I was falling in love! I shared my excitement with a few close friends and family who were happy for me as well.

Life was good.

One day, I was prompted to do a little more research into Kenneth’s background. It was nothing he said or did, but I had to follow my intuition that has never led me wrong. Was he too good to be true? Well, it turns out he was. I found myself caught up in a dating app scam. After more research, I found

out there is a huge money making industry to drop love bombs in the hearts and minds of women (and men) who are looking for companionship or maybe a life-long partner. It’s called love bombing.

Love bombing is extremely difficult to detect. I was devastated, but thankful I found out the truth. I know he would have eventually asked for money.

Countless women are victims of love bombing and end up broken hearted and broke.

Kenneth said all the right things to me and I believed him - i wanted to.

I learned a lot through this unfortunate, but necessary experience.

I say necessary because I realized I waited until a man came into my life to do the things I should have already been doing for myself. Why do women wait until they are in love or hurt before they go to the gym or before they choose to be happy? I don’t know the answer, but one thing I know for sure is I will continue to exercise, take better care of myself and learn to love myself for ME. Will I use a dating app again? Not sure, but I’ll be more cautious and I’ll never give up on love.

“Love bombing is characterized by excessive attention, admiration, and affection with the goal to make the recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person,” says licensed therapist Sasha Jackson, LCSW. “And as the recipient, love bombing feels really good because of the boost of dopamine and endorphins you receive. You feel special, needed, loved, valuable, and worthy, which are all the components that contribute to and increase a person’s self-esteem.”

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THE OTHER WOMAN

You Were Created Naturally Organic

Dr. Denise McClain Dukes www.naturallyorganicyou.com

THE OTHER WOMAN

Naturally Organic You cares about your health; therefore, we not only research and provide natural products that help your body to heal itself naturally; but we provide a system that is designed to give you the best resources and support as you embark on your transformation to achieve perfect balance in your life, the way nature intended.

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Daddy Said...

“Venda, as you grow older, your time will become more valuable, so don’t give your time to those who don’t value you.”

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time.

Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.”

Scott Peck

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THE OTHER WOMAN

@JTOOFIT IT’S YOUR BODY

FOLLOW YOUR DREAM

I’ve been working out for about two years off and on but never really had a motive, I just knew I wanted to be strong and lift heavy. After Months of research, I’ve decided to pursue my personal trainer certification and possibly take on power lifting and compete. I will be posting daily videos, pictures, words to motivate, plus info on fitness and exercise as I grow in my career.

Let’s network and WELCOME TO THE DAILY GRIND.

JUST STAY THE COURSE. IT’LL TAKE YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO AND LIFE WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO GET THERE. THE OTHER WOMAN

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Double-headed Men

VERNON WATSON

S

tudies and surveys have proven that men are generously affected by women. When they are around them, they sometimes lose their basic cognitive functioning abilities.

They forget words and oftentimes sex comes to mind. Men have no limits in trying to impress their female interest (these days, I should say a person of their interest). When one is trying to impress the other, then that taxes the brain to work harder and require more blood flow, and compound that sexual interest with an erection, then the blood all flows downhill. And, you wonder why men act so stupid when they are around women, particularly when they are sexually aroused.

This makes men truly appear to be “penis thinking” and “sex-crazed addicts” but the truth is that studies have shown that most men would rather be in a relationship than have sex without a relationship. Professor Andrew Smiler of Wake Forest University studies concluded that men really do want a relationship with one woman as opposed to the small percentage of men that want multiple partners. The fact of the matter is that men want sex but they also want relationships too.

Women assume that men think with the wrong head, their penises, but actually, men think with their brains but are driven by sex which is a natural male biological drive to mate. Yeah, it’s a Darwinian principle to have the desire

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Women spend 15 billion dollars a year in the sex toy industry compared to men spending only 4 billion dollars in the entire porn industry. Who is more sex-driven now? to spread your genes to keep the population going. Why are men accused of thinking with their little head (penis) as opposed to their bighead (brain) when it comes to women and sex?

Well, men are born with a brain and penis and it takes blood flow to run both systems. It is a scientific fact that it takes a large amount of blood to maintain an erection. In fact, a fully erect penis holds up to eight times its normal amount of blood. I believe there is only a certain amount of blood in the human body and it is appropriately assigned to all the body systems.

When that blood is needed in other areas and it is diverted from one system to another to make it work properly.

For example, when an erection is needed, blood starts flowing from other bodily systems like the brain.

When the brain is deprived of the blood it needs, then it doesn’t work so well and therefore causes people to make bad decisions. I believe this doesn’t only apply to men, for example, when women are

on monthly periods, you can see how crazy they act as well. Their brain is also being deprived of much-needed blood for the brain to function well.

The penis gets a bad rap because it’s not the only thing that deprives the brain of a lack of blood. Smoking, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure and High Cholesterol also deprive the brain of blood flow. That is why these conditions lead to strokes. You never heard of an erect penis causing a stroke, have you?

Maybe that explains why men have premature ejaculation or why men come quicker than women; because the body knows it needs that blood to flow back to the brain before a stroke occurs. I don’t know if there is any science to support my hypothesis, but it is something to think about.

There is science to support the fact that the brain can be damaged after three minutes with a lack of blood flow and can be permanent brain damage after nine minutes (I am assuming a complete lack of blood flow). Now you know why most men are “threeminute” men. In fact, the brain is the most powerful sex organ because it THE OTHER WOMAN

tells the penis what to do. With that said, it is a myth that men think with their penis, it is actually the brain telling the penis what to do or not to do.

Nobody, like to talk about how sexstarved women are when it, comes to sex, and whether or not they are thinking with their vaginas or mouth.

I believe women are more sex-crazed than men. To prove my point, I think it’s undisputed that on average more men like to look at porn than women, but more women on average like sex toys than men.

I did the research. Women spend 15 billion dollars a year in the sex toy industry compared to men spending only 4 billion dollars in the entire porn industry. Who is more sex-driven now?

It is a myth that men think with the little head (penis) and thinks about sex every 7 seconds. This myth probably came from the works of the Kinsey Institute when they concluded in their studies that men think about sex more often than women.

Ohio State University concluded that the average man has about 19 thoughts a day about sex, (that’s about 1.5 hours) compared to women 10 times per day. Here are some interesting facts: scientists claim an average healthy man has 11 erections each day and 3 to 5 erections while he sleeps a full night.

Some research found that the average length of sex is 5.4 minutes but could range from 33 seconds to 44 minutes.

Women, in the future, when you say men think with the wrong head, use your head and remember the facts and the natural function of a man’s body.

I believe women are more sexcrazed than men. To prove my point, I think it’s undisputed that on average more men like to look at porn than women, but more women on average like sex toys than men.

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My Divorce My Trauma My Truth D. CARTER

I

n 2019 I went through a divorce. When I got a divorce, people turned their backs on me that I didn’t know cared.

Some words got out about me that were devastating to my soul. That wasn’t true. I felt a level of discomfort that I’d never felt before. I didn’t cheat on my ex, didn’t beat on my ex, didn’t lie to my ex.

We had unreconcilable differences that we couldn’t resolve because the fact of the matter is we were not on the same page. I got married and didn’t understand what marriage was. We listen to everything they tell us in the church, but we don’t deal with the realities of how to live life.

When I went through my divorce, I was devastated, but I continued to be the good-hearted person I was. During this time, I’m literally losing my mind but nobody knows it. I was given a measure of strength and tolerance that was abnormal.

Based on the fact that I had strong parents, I have strong faith, and the fact that I was functioning even though I was a dysfunctional person. What I discovered about people is that people really don’t care what you’re going through

unless you can help them. Where I messed up is that I should’ve taken a break, but instead I confided in people whom I thought cared. But when you do stuff like that, socalled religious people are conditioned to judge you.

I tried compressing my feelings so I could still be looked at as a good man but instead, my body went into trauma. I literally went through it and cried my eyes out. All everybody kept telling me was to put my trust in God and pray about it.

When you get to a place where you’re low, you gain an I don’t care attitude and start doing stuff out of the norm that you really don’t do. In 2021, I brought a baby boy into this world out of wedlock that I love to death.

My actions caused me to out outside of my character because I was hurt and wanted somebody to love me the same way I loved them in return. This wasn’t who I really was but I was suppressed and holding on to something.

I couldn’t run to the church, because churches don’t allow you to be honest so I was acting out in private but praising God in public.

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Mental Whipping Post

TRAVIS GERON

In today’s media driven society, the topic of narcissism has been placed front and center on the world stage. We see it being discussed in major media outlets, social media platforms, and pop culture.

In my previous marriage, I lived with someone who was the very definition of narcissism. All the signs were there, I initially ignored them and just figured it was just the difference in our personalities and how we approached situations. Man, was I wrong! I would describe that experience akin to being tied to a fucking mental whipping post. Some might say it’s too harsh of a description. My question or response would be to them, have you ever lived or been in a relationship with someone wanting to control every aspect of your life?

Being a man, we’re groomed to be mentally tough.

Because of that, I suffered in silence for many years. No way was I going to expose myself to anyone as possibly being some weak-ass dude, by sharing with them I was being mentally abused and devalued by a woman constantly. Besides,, who was going to believe me?

Exposing my feelings to my male friends was something I dare not do. It would result in them labeling me as a non-alpha man and being consistently joked upon.

Because I feared exposing myself in that way I chose acceptance, which resulted in me suffering silently internally for years. My silence eventually turned into me dealing with major bouts of depression. Yes, I had come to a place where I allowed other people to control my very existence. My point is simply, the old adage, “happy wife, happy life” is total bullshit!

Although narcissism is prevalent in men, it is found among women as well. Just because research shows males are more narcissistic than females, this doesn’t mean men don’t suffer at the hands of narcissistic women. The abuse that women report from their narcissistic romantic male partners is the same pain that men feel when the tables are turned. A qualitative study done by University of Bristol researchers revealed that men who suffer abuse from their partners often stay in the relationship because of depression, a sense of duty, or true concern for their partners. Unfortunately, men also feel they won’t be believed if they say they are being abused. Says lead researcher Alyson Huntley, “The issue of masculinity is a societal one — men are not expected to be the weak ones. It is a hard stereotype to work against” (in Mathias, 2019). *The above is an excerpt from “The Female Facade: Turning the Table On Narcissism” by Kristy L. Hochenberger psychologytoday.com

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THE OTHER WOMAN

The Body Follows The Mind If you don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror, change it.

Being driven toward any specific goal begins in the mind.

Get your mind right!

Take action and stay focused!

IG @loe.congo

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Login At Your Own Risk THE BOX LES CONRICK IMO (In My Opinion)

J

st when I thought I was consciously aware enough to remove myself from recognized worldly nothingness, I find myself caught up in the addictive world of social media and mindless scrolling through the inundated posts selected to appear in my newsfeed.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the distant social interaction but there is another aspect of social media that prompted me to submit this article. I’m sure I’ll step on some toes, but I’m confident I’m not alone with my opinionated rant.

Let me get straight to the point. I’m overwhelmed with the excessiveness of filter-filled selfies. You know those few people (mostly women) who seem to always appear in your newsfeed with a big smile, and looking ten pounds lighter or several shades brighter than what they really are. My God! First of all, how is it that they appear so often in my newsfeed? I pray this is not a cry for help viewers may miss.

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Facebook may be a savior for many because it’s a place where one can be who they really want to be - that fantasy person in their head who they can’t realistically be.

Are the constant selfie posts a means of validation, getting someone’s attention, a need for acceptance, fear of aging, loneliness, or just vainness? Who knows?

Why do I care you ask?

When I think about the recent suicide of Cheslie Kryst (Miss USA 2019).

I wonder if the beautiful, talented, successful young lady ever compared herself to other women and their accomplishments. I wonder if social media played a part in her “highfunctioning depression.”

Am I on Facebook? Of course, I lurk behind the scenes using an alias. I’m a bit of a recluse so there is minimum interaction from me - basically observing for pure entertainment and enlightenment of humanity.

When I feel consumed with social media I retreat.

Being alone and sitting in a quiet space is an indescribable feeling. It allows me to consciously disconnect and drown out all the noise associated with people and things that I simply call the box.

It’s purposely void of surface norms associated with society’s expectations. A place of inner peace where my most deeply held spiritual beliefs are not viewed with judgments and typical surface thinking.

IMO it’s all nothingness.

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Why Women Keep Posting Selfies

L. A. STRUCKE

A

n article in Psychology Today, “Is Posting Selfies Motivated by Narcissism?”

by Gwendolyn Seidman, PhD., mentioned studies that revealed that men that frequently post selfies often are linked to narcissism, but not in the case of women.

Women were found to post more selfies than men. A small amount of the frequent posters were narcissists, but most of these women post a lot because of low selfesteem. These women base their self-worth on their appearance. They post selfies for validation from their friends and peers. It’s sad in this day and age , that women still feel their self worth is based on their appearance. They are not posting a selfie once, this is an everyday occurrence.

After they post a photo, all of their Facebook friends tell them how beautiful they are. A day or two later, there’s another photo of

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themselves on their page.

Wasn’t one photo enough?

Is this a thing now? Yes, I do agree these women look great and I’ll give it a like on Facebook. But why do they need this validation every day? Does no one at home ever compliment them? Am I the only one who feels this way?

They are posting photos of themselves daily. They show off a new haircut or outfit. They pose in a glamour shot. Their girlfriends (and sometimes the occasional lovestruck man) shower them with compliments.

Read the article in its entirety at www.medium.com/ the-pink

Follow us on Fb! The Other Woman Magazine

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Schizophrenia And Its Ripple Effect ROBERT L CONGRESS

B

efore I decided to submit this article, I wasn’t sure what topic I was going to write about. As someone who loves to write, quite often when I’m in bed preparing for sleep, I find myself thinking about impactful topics to write about.

Sometimes my thoughts are centered around my family and the issues associated with our family structure. I’ve learned that sometimes your topic chooses you. Well, a type of mental illness known as schizophrenia has chosen me and my family.

Growing up, my brother Danny was no different than any other kid in our community. He was intelligent, quick-witted, athletically gifted, and had vocal talent. Before his diagnosis, our family started to see subtle changes in his behavior. He went from being this outgoing personality that people were drawn to - to being verbally confrontational, subdued, and introverted.

I watched my mother trying to make sense of it all, agonized seeing her youngest child struggle to maintain his ability to function in a mentally sound way.

Being a Christian woman she spent many days initially praying to God for understanding and a semblance of hope that my brother

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would regain all his mental facilities and we would return to being a normal family. The reality was our family was unprepared for the unforeseen mental challenges Danny would suffer through as a youth and the later years as an adult.

As a teenager, his mental stability or lack of became frightening to my mother and my siblings and me.

There were days when we were afraid to be around him. I distinctly recall times when he would sit in his room in the dark and talk to himself.

I remember a conversation where my mother asked him who he was talking to in his room and he responded saying, “the people inside my head.” My mother held out hope that one day my brother would regain all his mental faculties and this nightmare would end for my brother and our family.

Little did we know the nightmare had just begun.

Once my mother received the diagnosis that my brother had schizophrenia, we were all devastated. I could only imagine what my mother was feeling on the inside.

For me, this was my baby brother, best friend, and someone who I loved deeply and protected from harm growing up.

Prior to my mother meeting and eventually marrying my step-father, it was just THE OTHER WOMAN

us - my four siblings and my mother. Being a young mother, my mother had taken on many challenges and worked her ass off to take care of us. When she wasn’t working she attended college and eventually became a registered nurse. As a family, we all were faced with caring for a family with a debilitating mental illness, an illness that required support from our entire family. My mother’s sister quite often willingly took on the vital role of being my brother’s caregiver. Shortly after his diagnosis as a family, we all came to the realization that my brother would require assisted living disallowing

father’s family. My ignorance regarding our family’s medical history wasn’t helpful either. Later in my adulthood, I found out I had an older step-brother that my dad fathered who was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Like my younger brother, he too had to be cared for by family members. As a result of my father’s death many years ago, my father’s sister (with the help of her children) became my step-brother’s primary care provider and still is to this day. To say their lives have been changed as a result of mental illness would be an understatement.

In writing this article, it is my hope we all will stop and take an introspective look at ourselves in terms of mental health awareness relating first to family, and secondly to those who are suffering from mental illness living on the fringes of society.

The good news is it’s been approximately forty years since my brother was first diagnosed with schizophrenia and my mother has never left his side. Many people suffering from mental illness end up in horrific situations due to the lack of proper resources and quite often family abandonment. I’m not being judgmental, I’m simply stating facts. The ripples in the water are the direct result of how mental illness affects whole families and society at large.

One of the reasons why most people with schizophrenia do not get the proper treatment is social stigma.

Facts about schizophrenia report that feeling stigmatized makes less likely to seek medical care.

What’s more, 90% of people with untreated schizophrenia live in low and middle income countries. That translates to the lack of access to adequate health care. him to live independently for the remainder of his life.

The other part of this story relates to my biological father, who my mother left when I was five years of age. I won’t go into a rant about him not being there for my siblings and me. That’s a story for another day. My point in mentioning him relates to how mental illness – specifically schizophrenia emanated genealogically from my THE OTHER WOMAN

Over 69% of individuals with schizophrenia don’t get the care they need.

World Health Organization 55

Puff, Puff, Pass

MAURICE HARRIS

D

on’t get me wrong, I have never been an every day all-day drug user. I usually would partake in drugs to help me feel different than I was at the time, for example, when I wished not to worry or simply to be accepted by others.

Two instances define many times I often wished not to be a sober me or feel my natural feelings. Those times continually come up in my life, though I’m sure many of you could relate.

Loosen up with a swig, let your hair down with a pull, become more aroused with a swallow, and forget about it with a shot. Those temporary and exhilarating moments of an out-of-body out-of-mind experience are what many seek to find but what happens when it’s over? What happens when we are forced to look at ourselves in the mirror? After we’ve chased the proverbial “magic dragon” there’s nothing left but the truth. The truth of the matter is that these “self-soothing” behaviors can and oftentimes turn into addictions.

We must all have demons or noise that we face or wish to run from. Life is a balance; up and down, Ying and yang. Without one, the other could not exist, and therefore by trying to escape one, the other is energized and become more effective.

I too have been a victim of my own mental imprisonment. I have had to dig deep into the central fabrics of most of my thoughts and sort through the clutter. My conclusions on drugs and drug use are simply my own thoughts, perspectives, and reasoning. I am simply a man analyzing my own experiences and the experiences of others close to me.

My opinion of drugs (that is, a substance that helps you escape the

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reality you choose and have chosen to face daily) is that it has caused an epidemic. It has caused our culture as to how I see it to act for the moment, consumed by selfishness, depression, and having unrealistic expectations.

Firstly, drug use, drug abuse, and drug addictions have caused the start and then the demise of countless relationships. That instant gratification wears off fast. Self-centeredness seems

to be a characteristic of people who have addictions. Instead of looking to better the relationships with partners it in turn divides people from one another, the joy leaves quickly. Drug addicts become aggressive in behavior and oftentimes will do whatever they can, in the manner they feel necessary to fulfill their desires with drugs.

I have been a witness to; children stealing from their own parents, lovers quarreling over the last crack rock, mothers abandoning their own children, and families torn apart by irrelevant debt to fund their addictions. Some of you may disagree with my stance on

drug use and believe my thoughts to be a bit extreme. How does smoking a little weed ruin a person’s life?

Depression is defined as a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Most of the people that I know who do drugs are depressed whether they have been clinically diagnosed or not. Drugs alter the mind so that the being can reach a desired feel. It may provide a surge of euphoria that washes over them like a wave, or relief that dims a pained area. All originate in the mind, yet, once this moment subsides, they are thrown back into their dark and grim realities once again. Unable to cope, they return to euphoria, their beautiful mental prison.

That brings me to my last point; unrealistic expectations. The world is and will be the world, with or without us individually.

And problems will remain if we continue to see it as a problem.

Drug use does not change the world as it is nor can it change problems into solutions.

One cannot really go through life productively using drugs to avoid or suppress undesirable thoughts or feelings.

My experiences with drugs, drug use, and addiction have profoundly impacted my views on it. I choose to face my realities head-on or only avoid them for short periods. I choose to live in the moment instead of altering it. I chose to be present and aware. Ultimately accepting those choices and how they play within the entire scheme of my life.

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