Not Fearing Hell Was A Game Changer How Leaving the Christian Faith Changed My Life Part IV
SANDRA WINN
W
ithout the fear of hell plaguing my mind, reading the Bible became much easier. However, I still believed in God and Christ, I just didn’t trust Christian leaders anymore. I didn’t know that eventually I wouldn’t believe anymore. Continuing to study the Bible, I started recognizing more and more contradictions–all easily explained away by apologists for all the Christian sects. “Not one jot or tittle of the law shall pass” is a passage attributed to Jesus regarding the Old Testament laws. He also mentions “till heaven and earth shall pass.” Often, some apologists stick to the word “fulfilled” in the passage and claim Jesus fulfilled the old testament laws and that’s why they don’t require adherence. Bologna! They purposely cherry pick that passage to make it seem that way, but since earth and the universe (heaven) are still very much here, it means the law is still in effect.
THE OTHER WOMAN
Once I took that passage as is, I was no longer confused by the scriptures reading “Saved by grace” or “Faith without works is dead.” Jesus condemned the Pharisees for greed, not because they were obeying laws and requiring others to do the same. Regardless, due to my mind being free of the fear of hell, the not so kind scriptures stood out like a big,
punishing flood created by himself. Why? All those children and people drowned to once again bend people to his almighty will. I no longer saw an all-loving God, I saw a narcissistic, psychopathic tyrant who had jealous fits of rage who required his believers to behave better than he did.
"Did I love God because he personally showed me love, or was my love due to fearing his wrath?" whopping, black and blue thumb. I re-read the Book of Job. I couldn’t get past God’s cruelty. Satan didn’t wreak havoc on Job, he did it because he made a bet with God. Satan required permission from God! God allowed Job’s life to be destroyed to prove a point that Job would still be faithful. Why wouldn’t he be, after all? He truly believed in God, God’s laws, and God’s threats. God also allowed children to be mauled by bears and drown in a
Battered Woman’s syndrome and Stockholm syndrome both came to mind. Did I love God because he personally showed me love, or was my love due to fearing his wrath? It was fear, period. The same fear that keeps an abused woman from leaving her boyfriend or husband. The same fear that causes a kidnapped person to love and do things for the one or those who took them against their will.
Sadly, those abused by partners tend to make excuses for unjustifiable bad behavior. Instead of blaming the abuser, they blame themselves. They think they’re not worthy of love, or the abuse was justified due to something that was their fault. Did I stop believing at this point? No, but the final straw was about to happen. Once it did, my whole life changed.
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