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08 Daily Bar Buzz

bar & restaurant daily deals

10 Weekly Bar Buzz

island happy hour guide

12 21 Drinking Tips

by bill hoebee

16 Watch Your Mouth

by phoebe caulfield

19 Month in Review : Publisher’s Photo Essay

by larry bradley

27 To All You Whipper Snappers 28 Profiles

nate jones @ bagatelle laurie greene @ fat tuesday murph @ rum barrel olie @ 5 sixes cab company

32 Map of Key West 40 From Bar to Barbells

by leigh pujado

44 52 54 58

Restaurant & Bar Listings 9 More Rules of Drinking Menus & Delivery Guide Last Call :: The Bitch is Okay with Me

by chris schultz

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Bottle Cap

Big’Uns

218 Duval 305.292.0486

570&#;

2 Happy Hours Everyday 5-7pm,12-2am 2-4-1 specials Live Music w/ Matt Avery 10 pm - late

/10&#;

'8'4;&#;

1128 Simonton 305.296.2807

Live Music w/ Randy Mac 10 pm - late

203 Duval 305.292.1903

528 Front 305.292.7862

Happy Hours 4-8pm

Happy Hour 5-8pm 2-4-1 drink specials

Late Night Happy Hour Happy Hour 2 for 1 4-7pm wells, domestic 2-4-1 drink specials drafts & bottles 9-11pm everyday

Sundays Country $5 Mojito & live country music

Extended Happy Hour Sunday & Monday 5pm till midnight!

67'5&#;

Taco Tuesday 2 tacos & Milagro margarita for $7

6*745&#;

305.2966.6666 Afros in the Closet w/ Chris Shultz & Chaka 11pm-4am

Live Music w/ Matt Avery 10 pm - late

Live DJ Music 10pm-close

(4+&#;

9'&

0 Duval 305.292.7045

505 Front 305.295.0501

DJ Dino spins late night

Live Music w/ Matt Avery 10 pm - late

Live DJ Music 10pm-close

5#674&#;

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Island Dogs Lazy Gecko Rum Barrel Sunset Pier

DJ Music late night.

Live Music w/ Matt Avery 10 pm - late

Live DJ Music 10pm-close

Football Specials $5 Cruzan, Sauza, Jim Beam & Absolut Yo Philly! Monday Wii Bowling $3 Yuengling Pints after sunset. $5 Absolut $9 Cheesesteaks Taco Tuesday Wii Tennis $8 Tacos after sunset. $4 Fresh Sangria, $5 Margaritas Coconut Races! Jammin’ at sunset, come for Wednesday a chance to win $3 Red Stripe a bar tab! $4 Cruzan Rum Homestyle Thurs Live Music $9 Thanksgiving @ sunset & or Meatloaf late night. Sandwich Barrels of Fun Fri Live Music $7 Rum Barrels @ sunset & $7 Island Barrels late night $6 Dirty Hoes Samba Saturday Live Music $7 Leblon Mojito, @ sunset & Caipirinha, late night. or Berry Caipirinha


Virgilio’s

524 Duval 305.296.8118

Wagon Wheel 628 Duval 305.292.1887

Willie T’s

525 Duval 305.294.7674

'8'4;&#;

Happy Hour 2 for 1 4-7pm wells, domestic drafts & bottles

570&#;

S.I.N Night w/ DJ Hov-around

/10&#;

Yo Philly! Monday $3 Yuengling Pints $5 Absolut $9 Cheesesteaks

67'5&#;

S.I.N Night w/ DJ Hov-around

9'&

Jammin’ Wednesday $3 Red Stripe $4 Cruzan Rum

6*745&#;

Irish Sessions 8pm-10pm

Live Bands 9:30pm

Live Music at 10pm 2-4-1 Margaritas

(4+&#;

Barrels of Fun Fri $7 Rum Barrels $7 Island Barrels $6 Dirty Hoes

Live Bands 9:30pm

Live Music at 10pm 2-4-1 Margaritas

5#674&#;

Happy Hour Happy Hour 4-7pm 4-7pm 2-4-1 drinks 2-4-1 drink 25% some food specials Sunday Wii Bowling Sunday, Bloody Tournament Sunday high score wins $25 GC @ 8pm 2-4-1 Bloody Mary’s

Irish Sessions 8pm-10pm

$5 Martini Monday all martinis $5 8pm-close

Mojito Monday 2-4-1 Mojito

Poker Tournament Live Jazz Skipper & friends w/ a chance to go to the World 9:30pm Poker Tour @ 7pm

2-4-1 Margaritas

Live Music w/ Caffeine Carl 9:30pm

2-4-1 Margaritas

Live Salsa Music w/ El Caribe 9:30pm

Poker Tournament 2-4-1 Frozen w/ a chance to go Rumrunners to the World Poker Tour @ 7pm Triva Night 9:30ish

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631 Greene 305.294.4403

Fine-casual dinning one block away from the heart of downtown. Great destination before your night out.

At the Hyatt resort, open 11am to 10pm with food all day at the bar. Great local prices.

Happy Hour 2-4-1 on wells, beers & wine at the largest bar on the water in Key West.

Fat Tuesday

Fogarty’s

115 Duval 305.296.6609

Dante’s

951 Caroline 305.293.5123 Happy Hour 4-8pm, all drinks almost half off & great raw bar specials.

Green Parrot

Guy Harvey

Irish Kevin’s

305 Duval 305.296.9373

227Duval 305.294.7525

601 Whitehead 305.294.6133

Happy Hour 5-8pm 2-4-1 wells, beers & daiquiris. DJ Music Thurs - Saturday nights.

New Happy Hour 11pm-1am, $2 beers, $4 wells & $4 daiquiris.

Happy Hour 4-7pm daily with 5:30pm “soundchecks” though out the week.

Happy Hour 4-7pm, 2-4-1 wells, beers bottles & draft. Live music regularly, open 11am till late.

Happy Hour open till 6:30pm, 2-4-1 margaritas & $2.50 pints of domestic beer. LIVE MUSIC A ALL DAY LONG!

Kelly’s Caribbean 314 Whitehead 305.293.8484 Happy Hour 4-7pm $3 margaritas, $2 micro brews & 1/2 priced hot, mild or jerk wings.

Salute

Southernmost

Wine Galley Piano Bar

Jack Flats 509.5 Duval 305.294.7955

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Conch Republic

Blue Mojito @ the Hyatt 601 Front 305.809.1234

Bagatelle

10 High Def Projection TVs & personal speakers to listen. Late night food till 2am or later.

511 Greene 305.295.0019

1000 Atlantic 305.292.1117

House 1400 Duval 305.296.3141

Happy Hour 4-6pm. Casual Italian dinning on the beach. Get drinks here to sip on the sand.

$5 admission gets you a tour & then head pool-side for a FREE drink & oceanfront view.

211 Duval 305.292.1262

1 Duval 305.296.4600

Happy Hour 7pm - last call! Great ocean side lounge. Ladies night every Tuesday.


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Your driver’s license now (legally) says you’re old enough to drink in public. Now you can leave behind the days of swilling at friends’ houses etc. in private & move onto making an ass out of yourself in public, congratulations. In my continuing effort to make the world a safer place to drink in, I now submit the following to keep you from waking up in a cement bedroom (jail). 1. DON’T BE THAT GUY It’s the “I’m not leavin’ & you can’t make me” guy. If your will to stay in a bar where clearly NO ONE wants you to be, (unless they’re not done kickin’ your ass yet) is so strong that you feel staying in this bar is the most important thing in the world, try to remember that if you could only apply the very same diligence you display with the bouncers to something useful, you could probably buy your own bar with the money you could make. And, remember, there are literally thousands of bars, surely you could move on & ruin someone else’s buzz elsewhere. 2. DRUNK GENIOUS As you progress in your drinking career, you’ll meet all kinds of people at different levels of intoxication. It’s advisable that you learn to speak & interpret “drunk talk.” If you do learn 12 KWBT

this difficult language, you open yourself up to a bold new world of grandiose plans, inventions, stock tips, world domination themes, or simply intimate personal details you can use for blackmail. It’s practically a license to print money. 3. KARAOKE It’s a proven fact, people sing better when they’re drunk. To bring out the inner performer in you, try karaoke. Try the group song first before you dive into your “solo” career. Important safety tip: if some tool is singling every five minutes, it’s because he tipped the M.C. a lot of coin, he can only be stopped by booing-sad, but true. 4. THEME DRINKING Birthdays, bachelor parties, Jimmy Buffet’s most rabid fans, etc., any event where people wear matching shirts or hats, or both. These drinking events are fine if you’re married & are in need of a night out of the house. But if you’re single, forget getting laid (for free), unless you happen to be a member of a benevolent rap star’s posse & some ho does you to try to get to him. 5. DATING & BOOZE Odds are, one out of three of us are here, at least in part, because of booze.


6. LATE NIGHT DRUNKEN PHONE CALL TO EX From my experience, nothing (I repeat: nothing) good has ever come from these events, especially if you only remember it from seeing the charge on your phone bill. Instead, write a letter, read it when you sober up, & THEN decide if you really want to send it. (Note to self, invent phone with breathalyzer lock on it.) 7. PHOTO SAFARI Take your drunken pictures in front of some identifying feature of the bar you’re in or they just turn into a bunch of dark pictures of you, other people with their arm around someone you don’t know, or evidence. But the camera’s not always a bad idea because, “it’s hard to be nostalgic when you don’t remember shit.” 8. HANGOVERS A nasty reminder of last night’s revelry. You could try something people call, “hair of the dog,” (no, eating dog hair is not a miracle cure.) which means, start drinking again. A wise man once said, “I’m eventually gonna have a hangover but it’s not gonna be today.” People have enjoyed the wonders of alcohol for thousands of years. Drinking should be fun, relaxing, liberating, etc. But driving drunk is stupid. Getting a D.W.I is way more expensive than a cab.

Bill Hoebee is on weekday mornings on the Florida Keys #1 radio show, “Hoebee in the Morning” on SUN 99.5 FM & also appears on Comcast Spotlight News on Channel 19 weeknights at 6, 9 & 11pm. KWBT 13


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When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways. Yada, yada, yada... And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in Hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it & how easy they’ve got it! But now that...I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around & notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today don’t know how good you’ve got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library & look it up ourselves, in the card catalog! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk 24 KWBT

all the way across the street & put it in the mailbox & it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3’s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store & shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio & the DJ’s usually talk over the beginning & @#*% it all up! We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone & somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! & we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know! You had to pick it up & take your chances, mister! We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution, 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like “Space Invaders” & “Asteroids.” Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! & there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen forever! & you could


never win. The game just kept getting harder & harder & faster & faster until you died! Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you & you couldn’t see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels & there was no on screen menu & no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass & walk over to the TV to change the channel & there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I’m saying?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you

spoiled little rat-bastards! And we didn’t have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing & shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Regards, The over 30 Crowd

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Nate BT: What’s your full

name, age & sign?

Nathan Daniel Jones,

33 & a Leo.

BT: Where are you from? NJ: Chicago, IL. BT: How long have you been in KW? NJ: A little over 5 years. BT: What are some of the things you like about working at

Bagatelle? NJ: The people are all pretty nice here & it’s not corporate, nice to have private ownership.

BT: Where are other places that you’ve worked at in town? NJ: Turtle Kraals for a bit, & before that at Captain Tony’s for 4 years.

BT: How do they compare? NJ: Well, it’s pretty much quality vs. quantity. Percentage wise it’s better at the Bag, but a little busier at the other places. You work just as hard in both scenarios, but in a different way.

BT: So, you like to fish & golf – got any good stories for us? NJ: I got 4 eagles in 1 year at the KW Golf Course – all par 4’s! Won a lot of money in the Men’s League, so they probably don’t like me anymore. (laughs)

from

Bagatelle

by Cecil Witt BT: What are your favorite sports teams? NJ: The Bears & the Cubs! BT: What, no Blackhawks or Bulls? NJ: I like them too, just not as much. Maybe the Blackhawks might start winning again soon, who knows!

BT: Any good stories where you “Took one for the team”? NJ: (laughs) No! Well, okay, but it wasn’t that bad. I mean don’t get me wrong, I definitely wasn’t calling her afterwards, but it could have been worse.

BT: What are you drinkin these days? NJ: Well lately, Grubby’s got me hooked on Jameson’s.

(Anyone who knows Grubby can understand how easily any one of us can fall under his spell.)

BT: Who do you like for President? NJ: Bill Clinton! BT: Besides golf, what do you like to do on your time off? NJ: I like to hang out with my 2 new dogs & my girlfriend. I like to go out on my boat. Go camping.

BT: Top 3 things people do in public down here that annoys

the hell out of you? NJ: Probably, annoying loudness. But I’ve kinda gotten used to it by now. Socks with sandals! Just don’t understand that. And rednecks, I guess.

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Laurie BT: What’s your full name, sign & from? Laurie Ann Greene, Aquarius, Ann Arbor, Mi. BT: How long have you

lived in Key West? LG: Almost 10 years.

BT: How long at Fat Tuesday’s? LG: Almost 10 years. BT: Was this your first job in KW? LG: No, actually my first job was at Bagatelle. BT: Have you been to the real Mardi Gras in New Orleans? LG: No, unfortunately I haven’t, but I have aspirations to.

I’ve had friends that went, & they said that it was a better time down here.

BT: What do you like to do when you’re not working at Fat’s? LG: I like to go out & drink Miller Lites & grape-bombs & an occasional Jaeger-bomb.

BT: What’s the naughtiest thing that you’ve ever done with a frozen drink? LG: Spill it on myself?

BT: & without a frozen drink? LG: I dunno, get a ride home from a cabbie that I didn’t know? (Now that’s pretty naughty!)

from

Fat Tuesday

by Cecil Witt

BT: Who’s your favorite animal actor? LG: Shamoo!!! BT: Ever enter a bikini contest? LG: Aww, you got me! I was a state finalist for 2 years

for Hawaiian Tropic in Michigan, when I was in my early 20’s. Then I did it when I first moved down here. It was a little embarrassing, it was the first time I wore a thong in public. A lot of my friends from work were there, too.

BT: Wait a sec! As I recall, you entered another bikini

contest at Hog’s Breath! LG: (Big laugh) Aww, yeah I was gonna do it, but they had enough contestants, so they didn’t let me. I took a jar of maraschino cherries home with some fishing line & made a bikini out of em. Good thing they didn’t let me in, because it was really sticky.

BT: What are some of the things that you like about

working at Fat Tuesday’s? LG: Well, I’ve been there for so many years that I’ve become friends with a lot of people that come down. Also, working for Gunther is great & Dave is awesome! It’s just a fun place to work.

BT: What’s your favorite frozen drink from Fat Tuesday’s? LG: Miller Lite! (giggle) Actually, I have my own concoction, which people love. It’s half mango & half hurricane. It rocks!

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RESTAURANTS & BARS 1 BAGATELLE 2 BIG’UNS SPORTS BAR & GRILL 3 BOTTLE CAP 4 CAFE, THE 5 CONCH REPUBLIC SEAFOOD 6 DAMN GOOD FOOD TO-GO 7 DANTE’S 8 FAT TUESDAY 9 GREEN PARROT 10 GUY HARVEY 11 IRISH KEVIN’S 12 ISLAND DOGS 13 JACK FLATS 14 KELLY’S 15 LAZY GECKO 16 RUM BARREL 17 MR. Z’S 18 SOUTHERNMOST HOUSE 19 SUNNY’S 20 SUNSET PIER 21 THE TOP OF LA CONCHA

STORES & SERVICES

22 UPSTAIRS AT MANGOES

1 DOC JACK

23 VIRGILIOS

2 EATON BIKES

24 WILLIE T’S

3 FAIRVILLA MEGASTORE

6 GODARD FINE ART

25 WINE GALLEY PIANO BAR

4 FURY WATER SPORTS

7 HALF BUCK FREDDIES

5 GHOST TOURS STORE

8 KW HAMMOCK CO.

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9 KEY WEST INK

12 SALON 126

10 PARADISE TATTOO

13 SOLAR SPA

11 PEPPERS OF KEY WEST

14 SOTTIL STUDIO

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MURPH

from

Rum Barrel

BT: Name, age, & shoe size? M: On my birth certificate... ’Murph’, 29 going on 21 & 12 ½

by Bill Vile Junod BT: (Not sure what

BT: How long in Key West? M: I’ve been here about a year & a half. Thank you Pat,

the question was.) M: I am the Grand Protector of all hot women on the island. I keep all weird, foreign, hard-on bearing men away. No soup or poon for you!

BT: What was your last job before you moved here? M: I was DJ Plugs at McFadden’s in Citizens Bank Ball Park

BT: There are 2 types of people in the world – who are they? M: Justin Timberlake fans & liars. If I could be anyone for a

BT: Slinging style? M: A little Brian Flannigan, a little more Coyote Ugly, a little

BT: Most memorable experience on the island? M: You, ladies, know who you are. BT: Who are you favorite performers on the island? M: The Benderz, The Crew, Matt Quinton, Go Go Gadget &

inch around.

Tarah, Amy, Bill, & Matt for helping me out with the math. It took six people at least five minutes to figure that answer out. We are such losers.

in Philadelphia, home of the Phillies. I love Chase Utley.

bit more Coach.

BT: Biggest bartending pet peeves? M: Noodles & Jesse – not necessarily in that order. Ed Harder’s virginity.

BT: Old school or new school? M: 1000% Old School!! BT: Ever rode the Conch Train? M: Yes, my first week in Key West. I stumbled out of church

(after too much wine) at 9am, & I thought it was a free taxi service. I hopped on & when the driver stopped to point out the big “R” & the medium “B” I fell off & rolled home. Pat & Jeff also pay me to shoot it with the Rum Barrel’s canon. 34 KWBT

day, it would be him because he fucking rocks!!!

Drop Dead Sexy - sorry to all of the people not mentioned here - I am extremely altered at this point of the interview.

BT: One thing most people don’t know about you? M: I love to hang out & play dress up, especially before I please my ladies.

BT: Any last words? M: I have never been arrested – pretty proud of that. Murph can be found bartending & managing at the R-Bizzle (Rum Barrel), 528 Front St, & a few months on the Wheels of Steel at Sloppy Joe’s.


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Olie

from

5 Sixes Cab Co.

BT: What’s your full name & where are you from? O: Michael Olanoff. I’m from the Hudson River Valley area

by Cecil Witt

BT: What are some

trained sales people to book hotel rooms & attractions. I sold advertisements to hotels through a company that is now long gone. I worked closely with the Tourism Development Council on occasion.

of the changes you like & don’t like in Key West? O: I think in a few more years, people that haven’t been able to buy a home will be able to. Key West might start to see some population loss; the market might reach its bottom leading to an eventual upswing. People with discretionary income will become more rare. We’ll always have the very rich that will live down here, but not enough to support the market down here. I think we will eventually need to rebuild & replace the hotels that we have converted into condos.

BT: Have any good stories? Ever have to deliver a baby in

BT: You’re known as a pretty happy-go-lucky kind of guy

of upstate New York. Born in Brooklyn, raised upstate.

BT: How long have you been in KW? O: Since the fall of 1991 – 17 years. I’m pretty local. BT: How long have you been driving a cab? O: 11 years BT: What did you do before you drove a cab? O: I was involved in the sales & marketing of tourism. I

the cab or speed to get an expectant other to the hospital? O: (Laughs) I have given a ride to a pregnant lady that was going to deliver on more than one occasion. It eventually did happen. But no, I’ve never had to play midwife. A cabbie I know up north did.

about town – how do you do it? What’s your secret? O: Well quite frankly, I’ve had a good life. I believe that it’s never too late to have a happy childhood.

BT: What are some you find frustrating about being a cabbie? O: When people call a cab & they’re not ready. They call &

Spring Breakers. I think we should all fight to encourage the Breakers to come down here. I don’t think that I have a least favorite.

don’t come out for another 10 minutes – they don’t realize how quickly we can respond. Getting stiffed only happens infrequently. When people come down here & they think that we’re more expensive than other places – we’re not! 36 KWBT

BT: What groups of tourists do you like the most/least? O: Well, this might surprise a lot of people, but I like the

Olie drives most nights for 5 Sixes Cab Company. If you need a ride, or have had a few too many, give him a shout to get you home at 305.296.6666.


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BY LEIGH PUJADO

I have been working in a bar for eighteen years and writing columns about the Key West bar scene since 2001. At this time last year, I was sitting near the top of the food chain in our town’s little service industry, bartending at The Afterdeck at Louie’s Backyard, when I did the unthinkable: I quit my bar job to pursue another career. Like a handful of veteran Key West bartenders before me, I decided to enter the “real world” and find a day job that would challenge my intellect and include this illustrious thing called “benefits.” Don’t get me wrong...I really like being a bartender.   It’s like hosting a party at which you get to count piles of cash at the end of the day. But I was longing for a change and a challenge. So, I actually chose to leave a job at which I made large quantities of cash to study and obtain my certification as a personal trainer.    Getting people into shape is a very different job than getting people drunk. In fact, during my last few weeks as a full-time bartender, I warned my regular customers, “Pretty soon it’s going to cost you a lot more to visit me at work, and it won’t be nearly 40 KWBT

as much fun!” My new job is great and I work for wonderful people doing something that I find very fulfilling. Still, it has been a huge lifestyle transition, one which I am still learning to adjust to, especially when the alarm goes off at 5:45 in the morning. Lately, it has occurred to me that I’ve become gravely boring. Beyond getting up at godforsaken early hours and going to bed at 9:30, perfectly sober with a hot tea on my night stand, I find myself struggling to stay connected to a world in which I was very much ingrained for many years. I rarely go out, and when I do, it’s usually marked by lots of yawning followed by a disheartening downshift to club soda. Sometimes I feel as if I broke up with someone and even though I know it was the right thing to do, I’m still having second thoughts. I suppose I wasn’t prepared for how much I would miss the bar scene and all the folks who are a part of my life because of that scene. The other night I went out to listen to a band and stayed out drinking until nearly two O’clock in the morning. Much like trying to rekindle an old romance, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I


sorely regretted it the next morning. Maybe once you have crossed the line and traded the bottle opener for a Palm Pilot, you simply can’t go back. Moving on is tough, especially when what you are leaving behind wasn’t awful, but rather, really terrific. I am eager for my future, but a part of me still longs for this fantastic past I’ve been fortunate enough to have in this town. Oh, how I miss the bar stories! My buddy Tom from the Meteor was just telling me about one of the yachties recently in town who showed up so drunk to his bar that he actually passed out in a fish sandwich. When the guy’s buddies woke him up, he was wearing a mask of breaded fish and tartar sauce. You never get good stories like that out at a gym. Most of all I miss the regular customers. I miss the pearls of wisdom and dollops of town gossip from Rebecca and Dink, Muffin and Lynn. I miss the couples: Bob & Sue, Don & Shirley, Bob & JoAnn, Jack & Eileen, who have all been married for many years yet still enjoy each other’s company enough to pass the afternoon together at my bar. I miss the Blue Collars, my word-on-the-street guys like Rolling Rock Scott and Guido. Hell, I even miss pains in the ass like Captain Carl and Tony the Cab Driver, who I always had to cut off and shove into a taxi. On Saturdays, I still tend bar over at the Green

Parrot so, technically, I have one foot hiding behind the bar. But it’s not the same. I’m only there one daytime a week so I don’t get the crazed stripper chasing the local doctor through the bar, the public displays of oral affection, nor the tartar sauce facials. Since 6 AM comes really early, I am no longer a part of late night hashings of local bartenders complaining about lousy tippers, bad drunks and unruly coworkers. I am no longer privy to the good gossip like who the bar back is doing on the side or why the manager over at you-know-where REALLY got fired. When I do run into familiar faces, they treat me a little differently and with a bit of caution. Most of the time, folks just want to talk to me about losing weight and toning up and that’s fine too. But for Christ’s sake, People, I became a personal trainer, not a Mormon!  So if you see me out, by all means, tell me some good dirt on somebody in the industry.  Or at the very minimum, buy me a shot!  At least if I do something really stupid, I now have insurance. Also, I am very busy now working with We Be Fit as a personal trainer & bartending Saturday morning at the Parrot. So, if you need me, my email is cleighpujado@gmail.com

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Bar & Restaurant Listings Listings appear in alphabetical order. if you would like to update, change or add a listing, please contact us at kwbt@keywestbartab.com Cheers!

801 BOURBON

801 Duval, 294 4737

LAM

The front bar is the locals’ hangout. Drag shows upstairs at 9 & 11pm, bingo on Sun. In back, Saloon 1 is not for the timid or faint-hearted. 4 TVs (w/ porn)

915 (NINE ONE FIVE)

l

✆UFO

915 Duval, 296 0669 l Med–New American

tapas menu with a tuna dome that can’t be missed. One of the finest wine lists in the Keys with ample indoor & outdoor seating.

ABBONDANZA

UF

1208 Simonton, 292 1199 l Warm & comfort-

able Italian restaurant that’s favored by locals. Enjoy your experience while seated on their comfy couches w/ loads of pillows.

ALONZO’S

UWFO

700 Front, 294 5880 l One of the best views & great 4-6:30pm happy hour. Stay after for a top rate menu & seafood selection.

ALICE’S 1114 Duval, 292 5733

ULF

l Alice has created a chic new world style menu. Come try Alice’s favorite stinking, dirty martini. Serving brunch 8:30am - 2pm, dinner at 6pm.

44 KWBT

✆F

AMBROSIA 1403 Simonton, 293 0304

Awesome new redesign to this Key West favorite sushi dig. The new look may be a bit much to some die hard fans, but on the up side - they have liquor at the bar now! l

✆UF

ANTONIA’S

615 Duval, 294 6565 l Amazing Italian restaurant is one of Duval’s finest. 100s of wines by the bottle & original Italian daily menu creations. Opens at 5pm.

LAOM

AQUA 711 Duval, 294 0555

Mixing dance club w/ live shows. Texas hold em’ Sun 3 & 6.30pm, Thurs “Sex or Next” contest after 12am. HH: 3–8pm, $4 wells & $3 dom l

UF

AZUR 425 Grinnell, 292 2987

Michael & Drew have opened what is to be one of Key West’s hot restaurants. Breakfast at 8am Mon-Fri with lunch till 2. Dinner 6-10 Mon-Sat. Brunch on Sundays.

LGO

BAGATELLE 115 Duval, 296 6609

l

Hide from the beer chugging contests of Duval & request your favorite martini. Serving food all day, with Grubby & Nate at the bar. l

FOM

BANANA CAFÉ 1211 Duval, 294 7227

Breakfast or lunch all day. Catch a burger at 9am, or try their crepes until they close at 4pm (5pm on W/E). l

L

BARE ASSETS 1029 Truman, 296 3979

The name says it all. Opens at 4pm w/ happy hour on pretty much all drinks till 8pm. Nightly drink specials after that. l

BEACH BAR @ the Pier House 01 Duval 296 4600

WFO

Stop by for lunch or just sit Oceanside at the bar & soak in some of their island drinks. Ask about their live music. l

BERLIN’S

✆WUFO

BIG’UNS

LGM

700 Front, 294 5880 l Feeling swanky? Go upstairs at A&B Lobster for one of the best menus in town. Great view of the harbor. & the only cigar bar in town.

218 Duval, 292 0486 l Duval’s newest sports bar. New menu & plenty of TVs. UFC fights & pretty much any sport you could want to watch. Matt Avery playing Wed-Sat 10pm. Come by & see Chrissy, Jessy or Jason.

FOM

BLUE HEAVEN 729 Thomas, 296 8666

A true atmosphere of Key West. Cats & chickens living in harmony & an award winning wine list which complements extraordinary food.

BLUE MOJITO 601 Front

l

WUFO

At the Hyatt, plenty of waterfront couches to chill on. Get a little sun or hang in the shade. Light food served from daily & offering 20% locals’ discount . l

✆ reservations recommended U upscale F food served G

food served late

S sports


BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR

LA

900 Simonton, 294 2655 l One block off Duval, activities provided through the week. Karaoke 9pm Mon, & Wed - Fri. Tues 7pm pool tourney. HH noon-8pm on beer & wells.

LFO

BOGART’S 900 Duval, 296 0637

Escape Duval Street in this east-side bar. Kick your feet on one of their couches. Mix w/ the Key’s Irish implants. 2 TVs, 1 pool, juke tunes l

LAO

BOURBON STREET 724 Duval, 294 9354

The ultimate guys only night out. Porn on TV, dancers on bars, & pool w/ waterfall. Mon is movie night & 2-4-1 Tues. 16 TVs (2 big, 3 w/ porn) l

LM

BOTTLE CAP

1128 Simonton, 296 2807 l Cool lounge design

& a rock n’ roll twist, live bands 8pm Fri & Sat followed by DJ Music. Visit Angie, Aaron & Steve for HH, 5 to 7pm on beer, wells & wine.

F

THE CAFÉ 509 Southard, 296 5515

Mostly vegetarian, offering entrees, sandwiches & awesome garden burger. Wines & specialty beers & herbal teas. Open daily Monday–Saturday. l

✆UF

CAFÉ MARQUESA 600 Fleming, 292 1244

Just a block off Duval, an intimate & elegant dining experience. Seating is limited, so plan ahead if your heading here. Open 6:30pm-10pm. l

UFO

THE COMMODORE

A few short blocks from Duval & some of the most authentic cuisine this side of Paris. Fine wine, sherry & ports. Opens at 5:30pm daily.

704 Front, 294 9191

CAFÉ SOLÉ 1029 Southard, 294 0230

l

UF

CAMILLE’S 1202 Simonton, 296 4811

A locals’ favorite w/ a menu that changes daily. Serving a fantastic breakfast, lunch & dinner. HH 4-7pm. Opens 8am-10pm(ish). l

SFO

CAROLINE’S 310 Duval, 294 7511

This totally outdoors bar/restaurant is awesome. Great for people watching. Marc & the lovely Bethany in command. Delivery available. 2 TVs l

SL

CHARLIE’S PLACE 908 Kennedy, 294 4818

Holy dive bar! Hidden in the mini-malls of new town, this is an escape from the booty shakin’ clubs on Duval. 13 TVs, 2 pool, 3 darts. l

L

CHART ROOM 1 Duval, 296 4600, ext 477

One of Key West’s oldest. Tucked inside the Pier House, opens at 4pm w/ Valerie & Dave serving $3 beers, wells & Bacardi. 2 TVs l

FOM

COCO PALMS 300 Front, 296 0046

“Jamaican me hungry” is the theme. Outside patio & great stool lined ledge that overlooks the street. Lunch 12-3pm & dinner 5-10pm. l

O outdoor seating M live entertainment L open late W

on the water

✆WUF

On the harbor walk, come to experience their spectacular creations. Stop in the lounge & have a nip on a Frost Bite. Open 5:30pm. l

FO

CONCH FLYER A1A, at the airport

Your first or last chance to get a drink in Key West. The only airport in the country w/ a beach bar. Opens 5am for food & booze at 7am. l

WFOM

CONCH REPUBLIC 631 Greene, 294 4403

This open-air bar offers dozens of rums & then some. Plenty of seats at the bar, w/ live music every night. Be sure to ask about the rum sampler. l

COWBOY BILL’S SALOON

LOM

628 Duval l Saddle up cowboys & girls. Bill’s hosts 2 bars - the inside middle bar to chill & back bar to get loaded & out on the dance floor or up on the bull! 24 TV’s, 2 pool

FO

CRABBY DICK’S

712 Duval, 294 7229 l Second-story dining & a horseshoe shaped bar has ample room for all. HH 4-7pm $1 Bud & Coors drafts, $2 wells. 6 TVs

L

CROW’S NEST 208 Duval, 296 4890

Here’s your sanctuary within the walls of Rick’s. HH: Sun–Thur 12-4am, Fri & Sat 2-4am. Or just watch bands from above. Opens @ 9pm. 2 TVs l

A alternative lifestyle

KWBT 45


ULF

D‘LOUNGE 314 Duval, 292 3002

Serving an extensive & affordable wine list, plus great martinis with Tracy & Eric & the Grand‘s full menu! l

DAMN GOOD FOOD TO-GO 700 Front, 294 0011

FO

On the harbor walk, but most of their business is done at your front door. Delivering 7am-midnight in Old Town. With a patio to sit & chow. See their menu on page 64 for more ordering info. l

WFOM

DANTE’S 951 Caroline, 293 5123

Pool side drinking & dining for people of all ages. HH Mon-Fri 4-8pm w/ all drinks almost half price & raw bar specials everyday with Joe, Jeremy & Curtis. 15 TVs l

SLO

DONS’ PLACE 1000 Truman, 296 5271

l Closed only 3 hours, 6 days a week. Opens 7am & stays open till 4am. 10 TVs, 1 pool, 1 dart, 1 GT, juke tunes

F

DUFFY’S 1007 Simonton, 296 4900

Specializing in Steak & Lobsters. Open for lunch & dinner, this is a great place to bring the family for a night out. Try Duffy’s special coffee rum.

DURTY HARRY’S 208 Duval

l

SLOM

Duval’s hidden sports bar encased in the back of the Rick’s complex. At night the TVs become secondary as bands that take the stage. 15 TVs l

46 KWBT

FOM

EL MESON DE PEPE’S 410 Wall, 295 2620

Some of the best Cuban in Key West & located on Mallory Square w/ live music daily. Dishing out the strongest Mojito this side of Cuba. l

F

EL SIBONEY 900 Catherine, 296 4184

When your pockets are feeling light, Siboney can at least keep your belly full with great Cuban food at extremely reasonable prices. l

LOM

FAT TUESDAY 305 Duval, 296 9373

“Home of the World Famous Frozen Drinks” direct from New Orleans placed conveniently on Duval. Ask for your tooter as well. 8 TVs, 1 pool l

LGOM

FINNEGAN’S WAKE 320 Grinnell, 293 0222

Probably the best draft selection in the lower keys. With a sweet outdoor patio they serve food served till at least 1am. l

LFO

FOGARTY’S

227 Duval, 294 7525 l A slew of local & tourist friendly bartenders. The back bar is a haven for locals at night. Lunch & dinner at great prices. 25 TVs (15 in A/C!)

✆LFO

GRAND CAFÉ 314 Duval, 292 4740

Proving to be an outstanding decision for lunch &/or dinner. Serving one of the best menus in town, plus mojitos & the Grand Margarita. l

O

GRAND VIN 1107 Duval, 296 1020

This wine shop & bar is a great place to start or end an evening. Buy a bottle, then head to the porch for a table. Vin pours wine by the glass & a few beers. l

LM

GREEN PARROT 601 Whitehead, 294 6133

Probably the biggest anchor in town. The best live acts in the Keys w/ Pat, Beav & Jim who make slinging drinks look as easy as drinkin’em. 4 TVs, 2 pool, 1 dart l

LM

GUY HARVEY 511 Greene, 295 0019

Huge sound system, two bars, even bigger aquariums. Playing live local & out of town music. Stop by to see original Guy Harvey art. l

WFO

HALF SHELL RAW BAR 231 Margaret, 294 7496

Great raw bar on the harbor walk. Great bar to kick a few back & relax. Local’s favorite every hour. HH 4:30-6:30pm l

FO

HARD ROCK CAFÉ 313 Duval, 293 0230

The Key’s very own Rock & Roll museum w/ a multi-level patio bar & restaurant. Plenty of KW HR goods available, too. 9 TVs

HOGFISH

l

WFOM

6810 Front (Stock Isl.), 293 4041

l Housing live music Thurs-Sun while chowin’ on their Hogfish sandwich. Breakfast Sat & Sun at 8am. HH 4-7pm Mon-Sat. 4 TVs, 1 pool

✆ reservations recommended U upscale F food served G

food served late

S sports


LFOM

HOG’S BREATH 400 Front, 292 2032

Catering to the tourist crowd & also remains a favorite of locals. Some of the best bands playing music in town. HH 5-7pm & 1-2am. 6 TVs l

✆UWFO

HOT TIN ROOF

0 Duval, 296 7701 Check out the lounge & ask Sheila & Zack about the Hot-Tintini. Sit back & take in the beautiful mahogany bar. Opens at 6pm. Sheila & Zack pourin’ martinis. l

WFO

HURRICANE JOE’S 5110 Overseas Hwy, 294 0200

l At Hurricane Hole Marina, across the Stock Isl. bridge. A haven for locals to hang out on the water.

F

IN KAHOOTS 3850 N. Roosevelt, 294 9986

Located at the Holiday Inn, Kahoot serves breakfast all day & has HH from noon-7pm. Game room for the kids or you once your buzz is on.

LF

ISLAND DOGS 505 Front, 295 0501

l

Bringing back SIN every 3rd Tues of the month with killer drink specials all night. Food served until 3am or later in a plush bar & lounge setting. Sunday playing live country music.

IRISH KEVIN’S

l

LFM

211 Duval, 292 1262 l New bar stage-side in the back. Watch the Guinness chugging

contests on stage, accompanied by live music all day long. Dave & Heath behind the bar keeping you sloshed. 2 TVs

SLG

JACK FLATS 509 1/2 Duval, 294 7955

Get your face here on game day or chill with the cool bar staff the rest of the days. Doug & Matt represent late night. Great grub served to 1am or later. 38 TVs (10 huge), 1 pool l

KELLY’S

303 Whitehead, 293 8484

l

UFO Spectacular

outdoor dining area to enjoy Key West’s days & nights. HH 4-7pm on drinks & wings at the bar. Try one of the micro brewed beers poured by Christopher, Doug & Erica.

LA

KWEST 705 1/2 Duval, 292 8500

Shows nightly at 10pm. Guys, amateur night is on Sat (w/ $2 Bud & Bud Lts.), think you got it? 2TVs (1 flat w/ nude show). HH open–8pm.

LA TE DA

1125 Duval, 296 6706

l

l

ULFOM The Ocean Grill

serving B, L & D & late night food till 1am. Shows in the Crystal Room & piano bar. HH 12-7pm on beer, wells & wine.

LA TRATTORIA

524 Duval, 296 1075

✆UF

Probably the Keys’ best Italian! Classic cuisine & impressive wine list. The street side bar is perfect to sip on libations w/ Erin & Kathy. l

SLO

LAZY GECKO

203 Duval, 292 1903 Corey, Rey & the chicks throwin’ the best party! DJ John spinning tunes nightly, & live music Tues & Fri w/ various artists @ 7pm. HH 5-8pm (till midnight Sun & Mon). 11 TVs (10 flat) l

O outdoor seating M live entertainment L open late W

on the water

✆WUFO

LOUIE’S BACKYARD 700 Waddell, 294 1061

Hang out ocean side on the After Deck & sip on some of Louie’s passion. Food 11:30am & dinner 6pm. l

FO

LU LU’S 1908 Flagler, 295 8801

Bringing back the nostalgia of the 50’s w/ an old school style drive in restaurant. Have no car? Ain’t no problem, plenty of outdoor seating. l

FM

MARGARITAVILLE 500 Duval, 292 1435

Grab a stool at the bar & try a cheeseburger in paradise. The chances of hearing a Buffett tune are absolute. Live bands play the night hours. l

FO

MANGOES 700 Duval, 292 4606

Located at the corner of Duval & Angela, Mangoes has a very classy & relaxing dining patio complete w/ an outdoors bar. Open 11am-1am. l

MARTIN’S

UFO

917 Duval, 295 0111 l With 4 unique & modern sections, this sleek addition to the upper part of Duval is a warm welcome. Martin can even be found here most nights slipping on one of his favorite beers or wine.

METEOR SMOKEHOUSE

FO

404 Southard, 294 5602 l Home of the best BBQ on the island! Open for lunch till 3am. Grab a Smokehouse Lemonade or a Meteorblast at the outside bar with Tom.

A alternative lifestyle

KWBT 47


UFO

MICHAELS 532 Margaret, 295 1300

Located in the back streets of Old Town, this is a Key West favorite. Owner & Chef Michael Wilson offers a classic menu w/ an island twist. l

LF

MR. Z’S

501 Southard, 305 296 4445

Grinders, pizza, the best Philly’s in Key West & with new menu items! 1 block from the Parrot & open till 4am. See their menu on page 65.

OLD TOWN MEXICAN CAFÉ 609 Duval, 296 7500

l

FO

Passive ethnic décor enhances your Mexican experience. Beer & wine w/ a handful of Mexican beers, but we opt for the pitchers of sangria. l

UF

OPERA

613 Duval, 295 2705 l One of Duval Street’s best, w/ great beers & wines. Opera has received an “extraordinary” award from Zagats for their fine quality foods.

FO

ORIGAMI 1075 Duval, 294 0092

Offering a highenergy sushi bar & an plenty of outdoor seating, coupled w/ astounding sushi. Beer & wine as well as a large supply of sake. l

SL

ORIOLES NEST 303 106 Simonton, 295 0400

Open till 4am, this members only is a great place to escape the tourist crowded bars. Open early with HH 8am-6pm 2-4-1. 2 TV, 2 pool

48 KWBT

l

✆UF

PISCES 1007 Simonton, 294 7100

Pisces has received awards from Zagats & AAA 4 diamond & original Warhols on the wall. Open at 6pm & reservations recommended. l

FO

POINT 5

915 Duval, 296 0669 l Elegant but not extravagant, Pt5 is situated about 951. Marble

top bar & 2nd story balcony. Pouring a variety of beers & wine in a very unique setting.

UWF

PRIME STEAKHOUSE 951 Caroline, 296 4000

This tucked away gem is located upstairs from Dante’s. Their simple upscale steak & seafood menu is complemented by a great wine list. l

FO Serving some of the

RED FISH - BLUE FISH 407 Front, 294 9292

l

best seafood in town. Weekends & sunset the bars jam. Latin night on Sat, 10pm with Bethany & Jason pouring the booze.

L

RED GARTER 208 Duval, 296 4890

Slim pickings on Rick’s dance floor guys? Go towards Durty Harry’s & duck into the Garter to see all of the beautiful ladies of Rick’s. l

RICK’S DOWNSTAIRS 208 Duval, 296 4890

LOM

This part of Rick’s offers a laid back alternative for live music. Karaoke everyday & live music all week. Kelly & Big Rick on crowd control. l

LO

RICK’S UPSTAIRS

208 Duval, 296 4890

Hormone-fueled crowds dance to DJ’s spinning dance melodies w/ 2 decks above Duval. Things kick off at 8pm & go late. 15 TVs. l

LOM

RHUMBA

708 Duval, 296 1401

Sidecar bar to Crabby Dick’s w/ an area in the rear to shoot some stick. See Bree 7–10pm for $1 Bud drafts & $2 wells. 4 TVs, 1 pool l

UFOM

ROOFTOP CAFE 310 Front, 294 2042

Great deck overlooking Front St. Live music playing regularly with a great martini list. Opens at 10:30am. l

RUM BARREL

SLGOM

528 Front, 292 7862 l Sweet outdoor with outdoor pool table & live music everyday. Great grub served till 2am & 10 flat HD TVs. More than 100 rums poured by Murph, Jodi, Casey & Tony.

RUM RUNNER’S HOUSE

LO

1117 Duval, 296 2680 l Open till 1am or later. This rum & cigar bar has a walk-in humidor & plenty of cigar selections. Full liquor bar & HH 4-7pm with $3 Cockspur Rum specials.

SALSA LOCA

WFO

918 Duval, 292 1865 l Best authentic Mexican food in Key West! Eat chips & salsa till you can’t anymore. Open Tues-Sun 11am-10pm, 11pm on the weekends.


WFO

SALUTE 1000 Atlantic, 292 1117

Get to Higgs Beach for a terrific beach front treat. A casual atmosphere dishing up lunch & dinner. HH 4-7pm w/ $1 off drinks. Opens 11:30am l

✆FO

SANTIAGO’S BODEGA 207 Petronia, 296 7691

Mediterranean Spanish style tapas restaurant in the heart of Bahama Village. Escape the crowds for a cozy dining experience. l

LFOM

SCHOONER WHARF

202 William, 292 9520

Spacious marineside bar where the din of local chatter & live music fills the air. See the only Bar Magician in the Keys. 2 TVs, 1 pool l

WFO

SEAWWEEDS

3101 N. Roosevelt, 294 8600

Steak, chicken & seafood. All you can eat shrimp or Mahi Mahi for $11.95 all day. Opens at 11:30am with covered dock side dining.

✆UF

SEVEN FISH

623 Olivia, 296 2777

l

Nestled in KW‘s the sleepy backstreets, 7 Fish has become a favorite for “locals in the know”. Eclectic menu w/ emphasis on local catch. l

SLG

SHANNA KEY 1900 Flagler, 295 8880

Great selection of ales & great Irish food served till 3am. You can always find Barry & Peter up for a drink. 7 TVs, 1 GT ‘06, internet juke tunes. l

KWBT 49


LFM

SLOPPY JOE’S

201 Duval, 294 5717

With enough entertainment from people watching alone, but they also complement it w/ live music all day. Be sure to stop by & check out the Backroom Saloon & upstairs Speakeasy. l

SOUTHERNMOST CAFÉ

WFO

1405 Duval, 295 6550 l This beach side restaurant braves the morning to serve breakfast. One of the few bars on Key West w/ a beach. Chair rentals & other water activities. HH: 4–8pm. 5 TVs

SOUTHERNMOST MANSION 1400 Duval, 296 3141

WUO

Possibly the best kept secret on the island. This mansion offers a beautiful setting w/ public Cabana bar. $5 pass lands you lounging pool or ocean side while Lauren & Tamsyn keep your cup full! l

UFOM

SQUARE ONE

1075 Duval, 296 4300

In Duval Square plaza, w/ a menu of largely American-style seafood. Try Patrick’s “Monkey Nuts”. B&L served 11am–3pm, Dinner starts at 6pm. l

WFOM

SUNSET PIER

517 Truman, 292 7869

This could be the beginning or end of your Duval crawl. A great place for sunsets, try the Monkey Love or a Funky Fish from Angie or Al. 3 TVs

WFOM

SUNSET PIER

0 Duval, 295 7045

l

This could be the beginning or end of your Duval crawl. A great place for sunsets, try the Monkey Love or a Funky Fish from Angie or Al. 3 TVs 50 KWBT

l

L

TEASER’S

218 Duval, 292 0486 l Now moved slightly, the new Teaser’s has slick lighting & sound system. Plenty of girls hanging out all night

long. Grey Goose VIP room available.

WUOM

THE TOP

430 Duval, 296 2991

Seven stories above the Crown Room, best known for their sunset view. One of, if not the best sights in Key West. W/ live music before sunset. l

LO

TREE BAR 208 Duval

Rick’s road side bar may save you the trouble of having to penetrate the Rick’s complex. Do a walk-by to fill your glass or pull up a seat. l

WFO

TURTLE KRAALS

231 Margaret, 294 2640

Home to the turtle races. Awesome harbor view w/ Johnny B at the TK tower bar. Come at sunset for a great view & HH 4-6:30pm. l

UPSTAIRS AT MANGOES

LOM

700 Duval, 292 4606 l The party up top gets going at 11pm every Saturday night. Come listen to DJ Dale spin house tunes till 4am. Great booths that make it worth while to get there early & grab one for your crowd.

LOM

VIRGILIO’S 524 Duval, 296 8118

The backyard of La Trat becomes the best late night, upscale martini bar. Great patio, this classy bar has live jazz music Wen & Thurs, rotating bands Fri & Sat & DJ’s late night. l

GLO

WAGON WHEEL 628 Duval, 292 1887

Serving some of the best homemade comfort food on the island. Kitchen staying open late night & serving food at Cowboy Bill’s, too. Full liquor bar. 3TVs l

SGL

WALTER’S GRILLE 3100 Flagler, 296 3050

Light fare lunches, proper dinner entrees & a limited late night menu. HH 4-7pm all drinks discounted in the Habana Plaza. 4TVs l

WLO

WHITE TARPON

700 Front, 295 5222

Featuring fantastic Key Lime martinis w/ graham cracker rims poured daily. A variety beer & wines, available to-go as well. l

LGM

WILLIE T’S 525 Duval, 294 7674

Late night menu with panini, pizzas & more served till 2am. Chris, Akki & Peggy serving 31 flavors of mojitos. HH 4-7pm. Mojito Mon 2-4-1, Thurs Trivia night. Sat bands take the stage late night. l

WINE GALLEY PIANO BAR One Duval, 296 4600

WM

One of Key West’s newest additions, specializing in wine & martinis. Ladies night on Tuesday & happy hour all night, every night. A perfect spot to sneak away with friends or to find new ones. l

WORLD’S SMALLEST BAR 124 Duval, 294 8507

L

The world’s smallest bar lives up to its name. Blink & you might miss it. This place stays open late night on Duval Street.

✆ reservations recommended U upscale F food served G

l

food served late

S sports


KWBT 51


nking. hard dri f o t h ig tice. gan even no ar durin disappe rstand. If they to t, c r. unde l in fa ell liquo nds will aditiona the no-t table, tr ous & your frie ’s p It e . c a c k a vod ers & 71. It’s mysteri b, drink our fath if appear family, y ese sisters. & on the jo k d You will n e ri d d n te th to x h e g it r in w u leep re yo u’re go get to s al bar a 72. If yo your loc rs. Except you t a s you, you n o siste patr looks at r e d n 73. The your brothers & thers. e bart o , fter the mothers lly drunk, the m conds a e s a e re re e es you you’r than th ine mak te more w a , it ly s il e s h u you 74. If yo serve a drink. e makes r. e ampagn h c , r the ba w do not d o rinks fo d ou mell u felonious. f y o s d e k n a yo rm a rou oing to 75. Bee tequila makes o is buy this is g d w n o a n c k , c I “ kard dramati der with g a drun a barten test thin h a it re w r a fat g n e o gging fo ersati 76. Th v e n b o y c u a g r ce the er prefa just ano 77. Nev le, but . . .” boss is r u o y ooner , s s k e back s & drun be a ha r m a o b c a o T in ths. n you’re ree mon 78. Whe s he’s buying. least th t a r fo s rn lip. Unle not retu u. 86’d, do er bar wants yo re a u o th o o n 79. If y appear makes it 52 KWBT


KWBT 53


54 KWBT


KWBT 55


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KWBT 57


BY CHRIS SCHULTZ

In a world of plastic success & one-up-man-ship where there are no balls left, bars & booze are the last frontier of being a primal human. Where acting like a coconut throwing, chest pounding, dancing monkey is okay & encouraged. Where women can flash their sexuality & rub their asses anywhere they please & no one thinks twice about it. Booze is humanity’s lubrication, used to grease ourselves up to show who we really are. Alcohol is truth. Truth can be ugly, but ugly is reality, reality is a bitch & bitches can be fun to fuck. The problem is when you fuck a bitch you have to pay for it one way or another. That’s why God made prescription drugs Booze makes us braver, makes ugly people good looking, makes boring situations fun. Enough booze makes it possible for a nun to fuck a straight priest or at least a parishioner. It makes it possible for things that never should happen, come to fruition. Whether we like it or not, alcohol strips us down to our basic instincts, fuck, fight or dance. At the end of the day that is all were are here to do anyways. There is class in drinking. Dirty martinis in a black suit, surrounded by a mahogany bar, smoking a cigar while talking up divorced rich women in tight dresses might not be real but it sure is better than the alternative. In a world where most of the country is sitting at home 58 KWBT

staring at the blue screen of television, slowly having their souls sucked away, I’ll take the vodka & vermouth any day of the week. Ugly reality kicks the shit out of Everybody Loves Raymond. Everybody has a great drinking story. Maybe it’s meeting a chick that is way out of your league while she is dancing on the bar badly grinding her ass in the air & she takes you home with her best girl friend to “experiment.” Maybe it’s getting the balls to punch out some dude out who took your bar seat & called your favorite bar tender a fat cunt. Maybe it’s waking up in bad hotel room in Mexico in a haze, covered in vomit with no recollection how you got there. Anyway you look at it, life would be less adventuresome without our friend alcohol. If alcohol is the catalyst to all that is dirty, wrong & fun, what does that say about our souls? I wish I had an answer beyond the fact that writing this makes me want to go to the bar to have a few cocktails & see where it takes me. Fuck, fight or dance, I know the bitch is going to bite back someday & I’m almost all out of pills. For more from Chris, grab one of his world famous books such as “Quit Your Job & Move to Key West” or “Happy Heart Island” at many Key West gift stores!


Piper Road Spring Band 5:30 soundcheck 10 PM show Jason Ricci 10 PM show

Caffeine Carl 5:30 soundcheck Roger Wilson 5:30 soundcheck

Motor City Josh 5:30 soundcheck 10 PM show

Larry Garner 10 PM show

Jason Ricci 10 PM show

Larry Garner 10 PM show

TBA 5:30 soundcheck

the Burnin' Smyrnans 10 PM show

The The Nighthawks Nighthawks 10 PM show 10 PM show

Jason Ricci 5:30 soundcheck 10 PM show

Robert Caribe Albury 10 PM show 10 PM show Spider John John Koerner 5:30 soundcheck 5:30 soundcheck Southernmost Brass Band 5:30 soundcheck 10 PM show

Roger Wilson 5:30 soundcheck 10 PM show

The Lee Boys 5:30 soundcheck 10 PM show

The Lee Boys 10 PM show

the Burnin' Smyrnans 5:30 soundcheck 10 PM show

the Burnin' Smyrnans 10 PM show

Bryan The Lee Nighthawks 5:30 soundcheck soundcheck 5:30 soundcheck soundcheck 10 PM show 10 PM show

TBA 10 PM show

KWBT 59


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Key West BarTab v33  

BarTab dedicates this issue to what we love most, drinking.

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