{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY }
A COUPLE’S JOURNEY OF LOVE AND ALZHEIMER’S BY OLGA MONACELL
FROM THE KENYAN HIGHLANDS TO THE ANDES MOUNTAINS TO THE FINGER LAKES
Bob and Lisa Grabman moved to Geneva, New York, from Washington, DC in 2017—more than 30 years after Bob left his hometown to go to college. I visited them recently at their beautiful house with a gorgeous view of Seneca Lake. Following his graduation from Notre Dame in 1981, Bob joined the Peace Corps in Kenya. Around the same time, Lisa was volunteering with the Peace Corps in Zaire. The two briefly met at the end of their respective assignments in Africa around 1984. Although Bob and Lisa didn’t keep in touch following their brief encounter, they were destined to meet again. A few months later, their paths crossed on the campus of Ohio University. Having completed their graduate studies at Ohio University, Bob and Lisa got married and embarked on another overseas trip. This time, they both interned at the U.S. Department of State in Kenya and then stayed in Africa as Peace Corps volunteer trainers. Bob and Lisa spent the following 30 years building successful careers in international development and raising two children, Jesse and Sarah. The Grabmans lived and worked in Bolivia, Costa Rica, and Washington, DC and traveled to work in other countries as well. In 2014, Bob was working at Catholic Relief Services in Baltimore, Maryland, when he began experiencing memory issues. “Every afternoon, after lunch, I would feel tired and 248
confused. I would write a to-do list for the next day. In the morning of the next day, I would write another to-do list. I would have two identical to-do lists but could not remember writing either of them. I knew what I needed to accomplish at my job, but didn’t know how to start a task or get it done,” said Bob. He shared his worries with Lisa. At the time, Lisa was caring for her mother who lived with Alzheimer’s disease. At first, Lisa attributed Bob’s memory issues to
exhaustion. One day, Bob drove Lisa and her mother to a doctor’s appointment in Washington, DC. He dropped them off at the entrance and then parked the car on the street. After the appointment, Lisa and her mother were waiting at the same entrance while Bob was getting the car. “He didn’t return for about an hour,” recalled Lisa. When he came back, Bob told Lisa he couldn’t find the car. Lisa hailed a cab and the three of them drove through the neighborhood until they found Bob’s car. “After this incident, I grew concerned about
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: HEALTH & WELLNESS EDITION 2020
Bob’s memory. He couldn’t remember where the car was parked and he couldn’t retrace his steps,” said Lisa. What was happening to Bob resembled her mother’s condition. However, Bob was much younger. It was hard to imagine that he would get the same diagnosis as his mother-in-law. In 2015, Bob was diagnosed with younger-onset Alzheimer’s. He could no longer perform his work duties and resigned from his position. His colleagues were supportive and understanding. Bob was able to get Social Security Disability Insurance based on his diagnosis. In 2017, Lisa’s mother passed away at the age of 82. Meanwhile, Bob’s disease was progressing and the couple decided to move out of the Washington, DC metropolitan area. Since settling in Geneva, the Grabmans have made new friends. They entertain guests in their house, go to concerts, explore the Finger Lakes region and volunteer with community groups. Lisa works remotely, as an organizational development consultant. As Bob no longer drives, he likes to walk in the downtown area and along the lake. “Bob has been very open with our friends and family about his diagnosis from the very beginning. My mom wasn’t. She didn’t want people to know and it was a real issue for a while. Bob and I want to help people realize that it is okay to talk about Alzheimer’s with us,” said Lisa. Bob keeps in touch with friends from around the globe and documents his disease progression in a blog. Last fall, he appealed to his friends, “It feels like my memories are fading away at an accelerating pace. I’m losing the story of my life. I really have had a wonderful life…I just wish I could