RWO November 2017

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“Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but what we give.”


am so excited to be able to feature Rochester’s first female, African-American Mayor, Ms Lovely Warren as our November cover woman. Winning her re-election on November 7th is just the start of what she has planned for the coming year. Be sure to read all about her plans, and some behind the scenes of what it is like to be a woman, mother and wife too starting on page [10].

Can you believe that the holidays are already upon us? Where has the year gone? So many things to do. Have you started you holiday shopping yet for those special people in your life? Well Rochester Woman has some fabulous finds from some of our amazing local vendors for anyone on your list. Check them all out starting on page[ ]. Plus visit some fabulous advertisers in our Holiday Gift Guide starting on page [ ].




Mayor Lovely Warren was photographed by Christopher “Goodknews” Cardwell and his amazing team on location at City Hall. The team killed it - Maisha Beard and Trenton Weaver on the hair , Sophia Billotti on the make up , Latrice Brown on the styling ,



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Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Cassondra Kubit Kelly Breuer Sandy Arena Brandon Vick Christopher “GoodKnews” Cardwell Daniel Delucenay Cheryl Kates-Benman Alana Cahoon Alison Donaghey Mary Therese Friel Phyllis Haberer Rebecca Jaffarian Sheila Kennedy Cassondra Kubit Tamara MacDuff Julie M. May Debbie McQ Mary Elizabeth Nesser Jason Pierce Lauren Harrison Doug Jones Debbie Santillo Allison Omalley Lauren Frankfurter Kathy Mcclare Christine Buff Sami Sheehan Dani Polidor Amy Cavalier Karen Messina Chloe Corcoran Denisse Dirlam Teresa A. Galbiel Frank Randall Angella Luyk Kit Teresi Stephanie V

Julie Dee

Kelly Breuer Cassondra Kubit Brandon DeWind

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at Download our current media kit at www. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.









ISN’T SHE LOVELY Lovely Warren,

t h e m a yo r o f Rochester, NY, beat her opponents hands down in the primary and went full-speed ahead for the November election. Who really is our mayor?

Rochester Woman Online was able to look a little deeper. Lovely Warren is not just the Mayor of Rochester. She’s the incumbent political candidate. She is the first female and African-American Mayor. She is an attorney. Lovely is a mother, wife, and daughter. We, as women, are used to seeing not so many women in high-ranking positions. Women who enter male-dominated fields are faced with “the glass ceiling” or the “good old boys” club. Its 2017! Why is this still an issue today? We just celebrated the anniversary of our suffrage. As stated, Lovely Warren, broke the glass ceiling becoming Rochester’s first AfricanAmerican woman mayor. Lovely gets frustrated sometimes with the “red tape” in government which sometimes slows progress of her visions for our city. She recalls one of the most memorable days of her career as mayor, was participating in the Women’s march, the day after Trump’s election in Washington Square Park. Lovely reflects by saying, “Hundreds of people came out! In their faces, I saw hope and determination- something that has continued- to this day as Rochester continues its legacy of standing on the right side of history. Too often, I find myself, as either the only woman or the only person of color in rooms of decision-

makers. In these situations, I make sure I speak up and make my voice heard. But more importantly, I am working to empower other women and people of color, to assume leadership positions, so all voices can be equally represented. The biggest problem we face is inequality. My team published a report that showed the wage gap very much persists among women and minorities. We have too many citizens who work hard every day but can’t get ahead. I plan to resolve this by bringing everyone to the table and working with our community organizations to find solutions. Everyone has a role to play in making our community a better and stronger place”. Lovely knew the moment her grandfather was a victim of a shooting something had to change. She shares how she sat on her uncle’s knee at the hospital and asked what would happen to the man who shot her grandfather. This incident sparked a life-long interest in justice for Mayor Warren. She shares stating, “I grew up wanting to be a prosecutor, but God had other plans for me. In college, I interned for Assemblyman Gantt, who showed me a different side of the law. I learned I could affect change through public policy. This ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017



“I grew up wanting to be a prosecutor, but God had other plans for me. I learned I could affect change through public policy. This sparked a life-long love of public service and I have never looked back”.






{ COVER STORY } “The Democratic Party has always been a “big tent” party and we’ve always had our differences. We must not allow our differences to divide us if we want to fight back against the damaging policies of the Trump administration and I plan to work with our party leaders to ensure that our party puts forward a united front.”

sparked a life-long love of public service and I have never looked back”. One of the social issues which plague Rochester, NY is the problem of violent crime. Lovely experienced first-hand as a family member what violent crime does to a family. It shapes the thoughts of family members. For her, it provided the inspiration to become our mayor. Lovely discussed her model for Rochester to address the problem of violent crime: “Since Day 1, I worked to return the Rochester Police Department to a model of true community policing; helping to build trust and relationships and respect between officers and our neighbors. We introduced a 5-section policing model, returning our officers to the neighborhoods and started innovative programs like “Clergy on Patrol” and “Books and Bears”. Since my days on City Council, I have worked to make our Department, more reflective of the community. We have also staged an all-out affront against illegal guns in our community, starting a gun part in our court system to ensure justice is swift and certain for those caught with illegal weapons, recognizing Gun Violence Awareness month and hosting gun buy-backs. As a result of all these efforts, shootings dropped 22-percent 14


last year and crime is at a 30-year low”. One of the interesting things about Rochester, NY given the Trump election, is the position Mayor Lovely Warren took regarding immigration. One of Trumps large platforms throughout his campaign for the presidential elections was his stance on immigration. Despite knowing these positions, Mayor Lovely Warren declared Rochester, NY as a “sanctuary city”. This means as a city we do not collect information regarding immigration status, leaving immigration enforcement up to the federal government. The concept is by doing this, residents do not have to live in fear regarding calling police for help or accessing city services. As detailed in prior pre-election political articles, an issue which plagued the election process was the split in the Democratic party. RWO covered the debate amongst

the candidates and previously featured opponents James Shephard and Rachael Barnhardt. This is mentioned frequently about Rochester. Mayor Lovely Warren comments, “The Democratic Party has always been a “big tent” party and we’ve always had our differences. We must not allow our differences to divide us if we want to fight back against the damaging policies of the Trump administration and I plan to work with our party leaders to ensure that our party puts forward a united front. I plan to continue working hard for the citizens and families of Rochester. I am proud of the progress that we have made, but there is so much more to do, so over the next four years I will continue to fight for more jobs, safer and more vibrant neighborhoods and better educational opportunities. Stand up. Speak up and get involved. With great challenges, comes great opportunity, so make your voice heard”. Often as a public figure, people forget at the end of the day, Mayor Lovely Warren goes home and still has responsibilities as a mother and wife. Often the role as mother, is used to keep qualified women out of jobs in power as it is believed somehow women cannot devote themselves the same as men



men due to mother duties. This is part of the argument used to create the glass ceiling. Lovely when asked, “How do you balance your family time as a woman in an important, powerful position?” responded: “My family is the reason why I serve, so I make it clear to my team that my family time is as important as any other meeting on my calendar. I also make it a point to bring my daughter to events, so she can see what her mom does. What I want for her, I want for every child in our city. On the first day of school, I went to school 17 to greet the student’s getting off the bus. School 17 is the Mayor’s Beacon school, the first step in a return to neighborhood schools, which also offer 16


wrap-around services such as a health clinic and mentoring. As the children walked in, some of them were scared, some were excited, but all were full of potential”! What is interesting about the policies mentioned in the Warren administration is they are full circle. The local government seems to get it. There are preventative policies in place at the schools. The community policing method is decreasing crime. The administration is striving for equality. Most interesting is there is a second chance program for people when they return from prison. Lovely shares, “I believe in second chances and I believe we must stop the revolving door to our prison system. So many individuals

want to be productive citizens. They haven’t been given a chance. Through programs like Operation Transformation Rochester, Rejob and the Young Adults Manufacturing Training Employment Program and more we have proven over and over again that if we build the stairway out of poverty citizens will walk it”. Rochester Woman Online congratulates Mayor Lovely Warren on winning her second term as mayor.

Rochester Woman Online would like to congratulate Mayor Lovely Warren on winning her re-election. We are honored to have you as our November cover woman of 2017.





Most teenagers are planning out when they will hang out at a mall or who’s throwing a party the next weekend, not Morgan Schilds. By age 16, she was on the US National Ski Team. At age 5, she began skiing at Bristol Mountain. Learning was easy under her fantastic ski coach, John Kroetz. At the age of 16, Morgan moved to Colorado for the winter season. Just prior to graduation from Pittsford Sutherland Highschool, at age 17, Morgan Schilds won her first world cup (2015). Just three weeks after, Morgan suffered an injury tearing her ACL. This was debilitating, and Morgan was prevented from competing until January 2017, while she recovered. Her recovery spanned 22 months. During her rehabilitation, Morgan began college, “for the first time in a while, becoming a normal student”. Morgan indicates, “Just like in any high-risk sport, there are many injuries. In 2015, at the age of 17, I sustained a season-ending injury. I was at the Junior World Championships in Valmalenco, Italy, several weeks after I had won my first World Cup in Japan. I had a devastating crash in training and was immediately flown to Utah for medical treatment. The resulting MRI showed I tore my ACL, partially tore my lateral meniscus and MCL and partially separated my shoulder. I feared my career was over. This injury took me out of the sport I loved for 22 months. Those months were 20


difficult for me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was required to spend five days a week in the gym with a physical therapist in an attempt to retain my muscles, so I might compete again”. She discusses her return by saying, “My return was to the 2017 World Cup held in Lake Placid. It was a very emotional day at the mountain for my family and I. I was able to secure my second World Cup podium!” Morgan indicates her high school years were not spent like a normal student. She was playing spring and fall varsity sports (soccer and softball) and then travelling in the winter. In January 2017, in her first World Cup competition after the injury, she placed third at Lake Placid, White Face Mountain. She was just getting warmed up! She then won the

Deer Valley, Utah World Cup and the US National Championship. This month, Morgan Schilds leaves on the World Cup Tour beginning in Ruka, Finland. Morgan wants to point out, there are 6 local athletes on the US National team who also began at Bristol Mountain. The World Tour makes stops in China, Canada, Deer Valley, USA, the Olympics in Korea, Japan, Switzerland and France. Morgan says the most influential people in her life are her two brothers (Greg Schild,49) and (Graham Schild,17). They both also attended Pittsford Sutherland Highschool. Morgan shares with us, “They are role models, I attempt to emulate each and every day. I get my enthusiasm and joyful flame from Greg. My attempts to be gracious and show humility are the result of my admiration of Graham. Both are highly competitive and never give me any slack for being a girl. They are both athletic and have played many sports and taught me to be the passionate athlete that I am today”. Rochester Woman Online asked Morgan, “How do you balance your life?” “My idea of a balanced life, is much different than most peoples. I train fifty weeks a year. My life is quite nomadic. I bounce from airport to airport, mountain to mountain, gym to gym, all in an attempt







{ SPECIAL FEATURE } “My idea of a balanced life, is much different than most peoples. I train fifty weeks a year. My life is quite nomadic. I bounce from airport to airport, mountain to mountain, gym to gym, all in an attempt to pursue the best training situations I can find.”

to pursue the best training situations I can find. There is always something to work on. I travel with my camera and spend time exploring the places I visit. Being able to capture the beauty of these places, is very special to me and offers me a diversion. I am humbled to look back and cherish all the memories I have memorialized.

and leaving an inspiring legacy for generations to come. She has a dream of being an Olympic gold medalist and plans to do everything in her power to pursue that goal. Morgan shares, “I was the only girl in many of the sports I played growing up. I believe this was the biggest factor of

Mogul skiing demands a lot from your body, so we are constantly in the gym working on our strength and conditioning. Our season begins with conditioning and waterramping in the spring and summer. Around June, we travel to find snow in Whistler, B.C. Canada. August is usually when we travel to the Southern Hemisphere to Australia or South America to train. We find snow in Switzerland in October and the last camp before the season starts is normally in Colorado. These camps have very intense gym time and water ramping in between them”. Morgan indicted she wanted to be remembered for being a tough competitor

my success. I had fun beating the boys and I was told I could be just as good if not better than the boys. Aside from skiing, I played so many sports through the YMCA and continued a few of these to the High School Varsity level. Skiing became my main sport, I slowly stopped playing those other sports. My

junior year, I left for the winter season to train out west and that season I made the US ski team. Until this point, I was a “weekend skier’ which meant I only spent the weekends skiing and training. I had to sacrifice my high school experience. This new chosen path meant I would only go to school for fall and spring and took online classes all year long. I had to fit my school in wherever we were and made sure I finished my school first I a m committed to pushing the female side of freestyle mogul skiing. I have witnessed a rise in young girls pushing their degree of difficulty of tricks. It’s exciting to see how fast the freestyle sport in all specialties. I want to see that continue”. Mo r g a n Schilds is a young woman who is inspiring to all. She is an example of if you are determined and follow your dreams anything can happen.



“I was the only girl in many of the sports I played growing up. I believe this was the biggest factor of my success. I had fun beating the boys and I was told I could be just as good if not better than the boys.” 24


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‘Kintsukuroi’– the Japanese form of art where they use gold to repair all the broken pieces of a clay pot and then recognize that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. This is my story, not the whole story but a chapter in the journey of my life. I’ve always been told to tell my story. Our stories make up who we are – the good, the bad and the ugly. My story started in South Africa, a beautiful country nicknamed the Rainbow Nation due to its diverse culture, famous for its abundance of diamonds and gold, known for its beautiful beaches, vast mountain ranges, forever stretching safari-land teeming with wildlife and the most magnificent views and sights that would take your breath away! There’s no other place like it on earth. Pity about the corrupt government and crime … anyways, this was my home. I had the BEST life. I wish that I had appreciated it more. I went to one of the top private schools in the country, had the best bunch of friends, lived in an exquisite home and traveled all over the world. And then – on June 9th, 2006 – it ALL changed. My Dad was suddenly killed in a random act of crime. After that, nothing was the same. In September of 2006 we moved to Rochester, New York to escape the everyday reminders of how crime stole my Dad. My Mom made the decision to pack up all our things and leave the country and all we knew to start a new life. I resented her for it. It’s impossible to tell you everything in between then and now. I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but this was the start of my journey through hell. 54


I spent the next four years running from my feelings. I suppressed all emotion and avoided talking about it at all cost. I (barely) went to school in the Greece district and when I was there I hated absolutely every second of it. Being in a foreign place, struggling to fit in, I was mourning my whole life that had been snatched from me. Everything was different. I became friends with some really awful

people and got wrapped up in the wrong crowd, ventured into some really dark places and made some very wrong turns. A part of me was dead and I didn’t care. I felt trapped. The more I ran, the more broken I became … I was on a dangerous path. I hated who I was. I loathed my life. Desperate, I turned to unhealthy things for comfort, like partying and drinking to try and escape my reality. Because of the difficulties with immigration I wasn’t able to travel outside of the US, was not allowed to work, get a driver’s license, or lead a normal independent life. Most of my friends – the good and bad ones – eventually got cars and independence,

moved on to start careers, and left their old lifestyle behind yet I was still stuck. Being 18 years old and fully dependent on your Mom was quite embarrassing. I wasn’t easily able to fill my time with good, productive things even if I chose to since immigration wouldn’t allow it. Stuck in a perpetual cycle of hopelessness, unable to be saved by anyone. In 2010 my sister and her family moved to America to be with us and that is what saved my life. My sister’s unconditional, unrelenting love rescued me. Being an aunt to the two most beautiful, talented, funloving girls gave me purpose. I felt that I needed to be someone they could look up to. They made me want to be better, and strive to be more and their love thawed my heart and enabled me to feel again. Things started to change. When I started to fill my time with wholesome and healthy people and things, it automatically distanced me from all that was destructive and negative. I stopped going to those drunken parties, spent more time giggling and making new memories with my nieces. I started volunteering at church and began making new friends. I threw myself into my art which was a huge release after all those years of pent up emotion. My sister urged me to face all the things I’d been running from and I finally started to peel back the layers of anger, bitterness and despair, facing the harsh reality of what my life had become. This was tough but necessary. Gradually, and only then did I start to regain confidence and self-worth, relationships with my family were being restored but immigration remained an unsettling obstacle.








Closer to my Mom now than ever, I finally understand why she made the decision she did and I respect her for it. It couldn’t have been an easy choice considering the circumstances but I feel she did what she thought was best and she has shown me what it is to always look for the silver lining. “Keep your face to the sunshine and shadows will always fall behind you.”



{ IN HER OWN WORDS } “I had the BEST life. I wish that I had appreciated it more. I went to one of the top private schools in the country, had the best bunch of friends, lived in an exquisite home and traveled all over the world. And then – on June 9th, 2006 – it ALL changed. My Dad was suddenly killed in a random act of crime. After that, nothing was the same.”

At this time, the former destructive way still occasionally beckoned me but I was passionate about pursuing my new life. One night, I was out with some good friends. Back then I had a very strong South African accent and most people called me ‘Africa’. Heading home for the night, we witnessed a hit and run accident. The officer who asked us what happened, heard that I sounded foreign and asked for our ID’s. I explained to him that I don’t have ID, only a South African passport which is in safekeeping at home. He was dubious and alerted border patrol who came and arrested me for further questioning. At the station, they tried to run my fingerprints but the entire electronic database had crashed. After many failed attempts to restore the system, they asked that I call someone to bring my papers. My mom was asleep by this time and not answering her phone. (to this day my Mom still doesn’t keep her darn ringer on). My phone battery died and my calls were now limited. There was a shift change and the officer who had been kind and helpful before, left. Things started to get rough as I was detained with an old man who spoke no English and I overheard that had been deported three times before. When he was arrested this time, he had multiple cell phones and drugs on his person. This scared and infuriated me at the same time. I said to the officer: “does it really look like I belong here? I’ve committed no crime, can you please let me go?” This seemed to make things worse and he started to yell at me and call me names. He pushed me into a cold cement cell and locked the solid steel door. Dressed in summer clothes, I was not prepared for these conditions. I remember looking at the frosty condensation on the steel toilet. I begged him for a blanket. He just laughed and called me names and refused my request. I just sat there, crying, feeling my life was now over just when I thought it was finally starting to change. Around daybreak, my Mom received my messages and brought all my papers. That was when we discovered that the person who helped us file my adjustment of status, actually screwed it all up. They took me back downstairs and issued my deportation paperwork. Finally, eight and a half hours later I drove home with my Mom feeling exhausted and petrified, yet relieved that I was out of that place. 58


That was the start of a two-year court process. Driving back and forth to Buffalo, with different legal representation, pleading to stay. I was able to catch a break and the case was closed. What a miracle! Although I wasn’t being deported anymore, I was still stuck as this didn’t change my status and did not provide any way forward. Although I could now stay, it wasted another two years of my life and I was back at square one. During this time I started volunteering at RCSD and continued to volunteer at church and poured myself into my art and creative projects. The healing continued on the inside of me.

go to college. A common misconception is that immigrants get free tuition, which is not true as I paid out of pocket while studying at MCC. Thankfully, I didn’t have to pay double tuition as some foreigners do. My first real job was as a cashier in a retail store and within a month I was promoted to assistant manager. I will be forever grateful for this job but retail wasn’t my passion. I found a job where I worked full time at a salon so that I could resume my cosmetology studies with cos credits that I had accumulated in high school. Less than a year later, I completed my certification. A new, progressive salon was opening around the corner from school which offered endless possibilities in an exciting, inspiring environment. Months later, I now manage this salon and have grown more – professionally and artistically – in this career than ever before. I love what I do and those I do it with at HUE Salons. In December I marry the man of my dreams. I met him in what sounds like a fairytale, on a beach in paradise. And as for immigration – that bitch – the end is finally in sight and I will soon be applying for citizenship. I am SO excited to be part of this incredible nation and to use my story to bring hope to the broken and struggling. And may my one voice join with others to help mend a broken system.

Finally, in 2013, after several meetings with a new attorney, he determined that I met all the specific requirements to be eligible for DACA, Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals. We had to prove my arrival in the US before age 16 and that I had remained in the US continually since my arrival. I was subjected to strict background and criminal checks, and had to produce a high school diploma, to name a few prerequisites). Eight months and thousands of dollars later, I was finally granted my independence! I felt so privileged to now be able to drive, work, pay taxes and

Closer to my Mom now than ever, I finally understand why she made the decision she did and I respect her for it. It couldn’t have been an easy choice considering the circumstances but I feel she did what she thought was best and she has shown me what it is to always look for the silver lining. “Keep your face to the sunshine and shadows will always fall behind you” Even though parts of my road have been so rocky, I feel strong and grateful. All of this has taught me to appreciate family, value genuine relationships, work REALLY hard and enjoy and love all this beautiful life has to offer! “Restored with gold”– the daily reminder tattoed on my arm – I am more beautiful for having been broken. ps: stay tuned for the book, my friends






“It’s an Amy” Clive exclaimed the instant our daughter was delivered by C-section. We chose her name for two reasons: One, we wanted a short name with no middle name because our last name was already so long. Two, because in my family all our first names are carefully chosen according to their meaning. Amy simply means “Dearly Loved”. We both gushed and cooed and cried as he placed the loosely swaddled baby on my chest. I know every parent says this but she was close to perfect, right down to an Apgar score of 9.9! Eight years prior to this glorious day, I limped out of an absolutely toxic marriage (with a beautiful little twoand-a-half-year-old curlyhaired blessing, my ray of sunshine to this day whose name (incidentally) means “one who brings victory”). I told you we were serious about choosing names. It was such a huge relief for both Bernice and I and we never, ever looked back. Thankful for a fresh start, I secured a fantastic new job at L’Oreal and that’s where I met my real love and the hero of my heart, Clive. In the years that followed Amy’s birth we built a great life together. Clive, Bernice, Amy and I were a new family unit. And to complete the circle, we took Eddie in. He grew up in an orphanage and was destined to become part of our crazy family. No life or marriage is without challenge but we were blessed with an above average existence in South Africa, our mother land. My husband was an extraordinary relational and entrepreneurial person and ran a successful business for seventeen years with the utmost humility and integrity. He worked hard, played hard and we travelled abroad at least twice a year. Besides being able to visit my sister and her family in Rochester every year, my husband’s love for scuba diving took us to some really exquisite island destinations. Talk about real relaxation … that’s where I discovered it. We frequently explored destinations on our 60


doorstep too. The scenic beauty of South Africa is breathtaking. I find that many people don’t know much about South Africa. A relatively small country, it covers 471,000 square miles at the very southern tip of Africa. It has a majestic shoreline stretching over 1700 miles and hosts Cape Point where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet. Even fewer people know that two small landlocked kingdoms are contained within the borders of South Africa. Heard of Cape Town? It doesn’t surprise me one bit that Condé Nast ranks Cape Town as one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Overall, my birth

country’s desert land, mountain ranges, beaches, and wildlife boasts some of the planet’s most beautiful sights. Although we have countless public and private game reserves, the iconic Kruger National Park is over 7,500 square miles and it is here where we find the famous Big Five in their natural habitat: Elephant, Lion, Rhino, Leopard and Buffalo. Okay, enough nostalgia. Aside from the political unrest and crime rates, we were so privileged to live there. Life was beautiful in every sense. I feel shame when I think about the trivial things I fussed over back then. Ridiculous. In the past decade I’ve often wished that I never that much amazingness in my life before. You know the saying “you can’t

miss what you never had”? Sounds so mopey, I know, so I quickly slap myself back into being thankful and content in the now, as we have so much to be thankful for throughout in this unexpected journey. Here’s what happened … On June 9, 2006 life as we knew it fell apart. On that wintery Friday night, my husband attended the opening event of a world cup soccer game. Around 6pm he hugged me, grabbed his jacket and headed for his car. That was the last time I saw him. Just a few hours later in one horrific instant, he lost his life in an armed robbery. Part of me died that night too. The days, months and years that followed delivered the most indescribably excruciating pain to my heart as I battled to navigate the next steps. His absence was so loud. Instinctively, I knew I had to leave my country as Clive had sooooo often spoken about the senseless and violent criminal activity and wanted a safer existence for his family. Ask any South African about the 6’ walls, the electric fencing, burglar proofing, wrought-iron gates, guarded communities and armed response surveillance. About the common hijackings at the traffic lights, burglaries in the ‘burbs. There’s a palpable tension and fear that one becomes desensitized to but now that I live here the difference is evident. No, I was not waiting for another statistic to hit so close to home. My children were in shock. Amy – more than anyone – never showed one iota of emotion and struggled for years to talk about it. When I first told her she writhed and screamed as she fell to the floor next to her Dad’s side of the bed and there weren’t many tears after that. I wonder if she was trying to be strong for me as I was trying to be for her? We went for a few counseling sessions back in SA and although I was advised not to make any major moves in the first year after his death, they soon diagnosed PTSD and recommended a safer environment




{ IN { SHIFT+CONTROL HER OWN WORDS} } “Heard of Cape Town? It doesn’t surprise me one bit that Condé Nast ranks Cape Town as one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Overall, my birth country’s desert land, mountain ranges, beaches, and wildlife boasts some of the planet’s most beautiful sights.”

to escape the trauma. I was in fight or flight mode and couldn’t sleep at all. Despite the debilitating grief, and with the help of close loved ones, I wrapped up the business, found work for our employees with one of our independent counterparts in the industry. Everything fell into place and after a quick reconnaissance trip to Rochester to scout for a school and home, we took the final leap across the Atlantic to start a new, safer life in the USA. It was just days less than three months after Clive’s death. Having family here was wonderful and made for a soft landing. Amy started school a day after we arrived. Moving her from a private Christian school in SA to a public school in Greece proved to be a culture shock. I knew she was in turmoil but she shut up like a clam and refused to talk about her feelings, her Dad, her loss, her fears. For the longest time Amy resented the fact that I took her away from her school, her friends and all that was familiar. Life became increasingly tough. An employment opportunity that I had secured before I packed up and moved here fell through and the immigration process without a job and sponsor is completely impossible. Dealing with so many new challenges I had little time to face my feelings and kept brushing them under the rug. I continued to volunteer at church and also looked after an elderly stroke victim some days. That sweet old lady taught me so much about contentment. Miraculously, I was able to renew our visitors visas several times much to the astonishment of all the attorneys who were trying to help me. The inner workings of the immigration system are really multifaceted and overwhelming and make me nauseous but eight attorneys and almost four years later, I finally had a breakthrough. I was allowed to work and stay in the USA. This was a huge victory! I was beyond thrilled to be able to work again. Don’t even think for one minute that the system automatically includes your minor children as part of your status allowing you to function as a ‘normal’ family in society. Not so. I didn’t have a dime to my name at that stage with all my savings depleted but out of the blue I met a paralegal ‘friend’ who helped me file an adjustment of status for Amy. I’d want to protect this person’s identity so let’s just say it was a dismal failure and while I now finally had work authorization and permanent resident status, my daughter was cast into deportation mode 62


(long story) and official removal proceedings had begun. Devastation. Naturally, if she was going so was I. I became fiercely protective and even more determined. Don’t get me wrong, there were a handful of ‘down days’ where giving up seemed like the only way. It would take me days to list all the avenues I explored and doors I knocked at. Many of the paths I trudged were lonely but I made friends with a renowned professor of immigration law and my sisters and I also traveled to NYC to meet with an attorney who specializes in obtaining refugee status, which we were not eligible for. I plainly begged a fellow South African ex-pat

DACA order made provision for Amy to stay in the US. Literally a matter of weeks before her removal. Just a few forms and financial hurdles, miniscule compared to the previous ones, and it was granted. With this new status a whole new world opened up for Amy. After years of volunteering and a couple of odd nanny jobs for friends, Amy was able to finally obtain a SSN, work authorization and a driver’s license. It was almost surreal. She arrived at age 14 and was now 21. It was as though an abscess had burst. I could see she felt ‘worth’ again and she has not taken one single thing for granted since. Her emotional healing was late and slow, but it had to be at her pace. Our mother-daughter relationship is rock-solid as we were all we had for so many years even though we were sometimes isolated in our own grief. Amy is not bitter, but better for it. Not a victim, but a victor. She endured and is stronger for it as the tattoo on her inner arm testifies. My greatest joy is watching her work hard, love others, seek justice, and show mercy. And stripped of all the luxury and certainty we once knew, we clung to the HOPE of a brighter tomorrow. I have seen providence at its best. I own a home which I love, am self-sufficient thanks to a great job at a thriving medical practice and I get to lead a support group for widows. I’ve met some of the kindest, most gracious people who also call Rochester home and I truly look forward to what lies ahead. The reason I always appreciate an opportunity to share my story is two-fold.

for a job. I hardly knew him but he was well known, affluent and lived in Southern California. I wrote letters to Charlize Theron, the White House, and local congressmen. None of my attempts yielded any fruit. Without a doubt, my faith has been the only constant and has kept hope alive amidst the greatest uncertainty I’ve ever known. My heart ached so much for Amy. Any parent knows the extent to which a child’s pain is amplified in the heart of its parent, not so? I don’t want to venture into politics at all but what happened next was a divine intervention for us. At the eleventh hour president Obama’s

Firstly, I want to be a conduit of hope to anyone who feels total despair. To encourage others to pursue a strong faith which defies all logic and to never give up. Secondly, I want to remind people to appreciate where you are and what you have. In your ‘now’. That spouse, that home, or your job, or parent or teenager you sometimes complain about or take for granted … stop! Count your blessings and try to be content. As they say, it’s not until you’ve lost something that you realize what you really had.









Rochester Woman Online is proud to announce Stephanie Viriyakul is joining our team as our new fashion writer. Stephanie is no stranger to the Rochester fashion scene and she’s been doing this for the span of her lifetime. Stephanie began modeling after she relocated from Chicago to Florida. She was 16. The new kid on the block. A teacher was the advisor of the modeling club. Stephanie did not want to do it, but after a lot of convincing, she joined. She was a little unsure because she like many teens suffered from a lack of selfesteem. Throughout her career, she served as the spokesmodel for Loreal, Daimler Chrysler-Jeep, Unilever and Patron. She often assists with RWO fashion shows and shoots. She is a familiar face during fashion week.

to continue to move forward and embrace the beauty found in diversity. Although, the industry is the most diverse I have ever known it to be, it can still do better. My only hope is to contribute to the industry that I can honestly say has made me”. What is interesting about Stephanie is she did not graduate from a fashion school. She

Stephanie indicates even as a super model, she still struggles with self-esteem issues. “When all eyes are on you, it’s difficult not to be self-conscious” Stephanie says, “I am and will always be my worst critic, which also means I have the ability to be my best critic. Embrace who you are, it’s the quirks and the imperfections that make you unique”. Stephanie relays her favorite thing about fashion is: ‘It’s always evolving. It changes but stays the same, much like us. Fashion is not just about what is hot, what’s current, but it’s a tool we use to portray our unique style. Keep in mind, we use fashion to make our own statements, we also possess the ability to have a fashion miss or two. Much like us in our every day-to-day, our displays of fashion can be misunderstood and disliked. With this, being said, I encourage everyone to be you, wear what you love. Only you, do your best!” Stephanie shares her thoughts about “The Industry”by saying, “The industry has many obstacles which often mirror what is true to our world today. Each and every one of us, faces adversity at one time or another. When I began, it was a time when my look was not popular, and I am so grateful to say we are changing. I am blessed to have taken part and have watched the industry grow and evolve just as it should. I like many, continue to encourage the industry 66


is asked of you goes against your principles and beliefs, there is no shame in politely declining an invitation. Right or wrong, at the end of the day you need to be you and like what you see. To all with modeling in your sights, know your perception of glamour does not exist. Be ready to redefine what the industry is. Modeling is the tough work requiring strength and resiliency. You are required to eat healthy, exercise correctly, work odd hours (I have often been expected to be awake and check in for hair and makeup at 3 am). Despite popular belief, modeling is not about you. It is about your representation of designer’s artistic vision. Your job as a model is to portray their vision. As a model, you must be willing to present a fashion that is not your style and smile when wearing a mini skirt outside in 13-degree weather. Be prepared to receive negative feedback and rejections. If you are not ready for what is required, the modeling industry is not for you”. What does a super model do in her spare time when she is not on the run way? Stephanie thinks of herself as a “plain Jane”.

is self-made through her unique experiences in the Industry. When asked what she would like to be remembered for Stephanie says, “I hope I am remembered for following my passions, doing what I have with my principles intact and I encourage others to do the same. Despite the fact, I learned as a model you’re required to represent fashion that may not be your style, it should not be mistaken for forgoing your own principles. If what

“I wish I could tell you something mindblowing. I’m pretty down-to-earth and a plain Jane compared to most I know. Other than spend my time with family and friends, I try to volunteer and lend a helping hand when I can. I do not just walk a runway for charity. I’ll do whatever I can to help, like helping to set up and tear down the event, clean up trash, walk in support of survivors, etc. Treat others the way you would want to be treated and be the change you want to see. I find wisdom and fulfillment in the execution of those words”. Stephanie aspires to create a real fashion forum. She believes fashion should be relatable, embraced and enjoyed. Hopefully, she would like to break down some of the fashion barriers, understand a few misconceptions and help to define to the world what fashion should be. She is ready for this fashionista journey are you?






When Cork49 opened last August, the goal was to provide the community with a casual, yet sophisticated, place to go and enjoy a nice glass of wine. Specifically, we wanted to provide the best of both worlds – the best locally sourced wines plus a selection of wines from around the world, highlighting many different wine regions. In order to do that, Brian tasted almost 1,000 wines to develop the perfect menu, including wine flight and food pairings. This resulted in an eclectic wine list that gives people a truly global experience, and access to wines that are otherwise not readily available. Determining which wines made the cut was a tall order, but Brian, a certified Sommelier, was up to the task, and knows the proper way to taste and analyze wine. For wine lovers, or those just starting out, knowing how to properly taste a glass of wine makes all the difference. It helps bring out the true flavors of the wine and gives you the taste profile the winemaker intended. Plus, it looks cool. But how do you do it? Sure, you’ve probably seen people take a glass of wine, maybe tilt it, spin it around, and take a swig. But why are they doing it, and what’s the proper way to do it? That’s what we’re here for. There are four simple steps to tasting wine: 68


Referred to as the “4-S Method”. 1. See. The first (and quickest) step is to look at the wine. A look can tell plenty. For white wines, a yellowy hue typically indicates that it was aged in an oak barrel, and will have a smoother finish (like a chardonnay). Conversely, clear wine will not be oak-aged, and will have a crisp finish (like a sauvignon blanc). For reds, the darker the color, the bolder the flavor, and more likelihood it was aged in oak. 2. Swirl. Once you’ve given your wine the once over, it’s time for the swirl. Why? Because it brings oxygen into the wine. You’ve heard the term “letting wine breathe” or “opening up” and that’s exactly what the swirl does. Now, too much oxygen is bad for wine, as it will fully oxidize the wine, leaving a flat

and unpleasant taste. But unless you leave your wine in the glass overnight, or swirl it until your arm falls off, you won’t have to worry about getting too much oxygen into it. Why is getting oxygen into the wine important? It helps to bring out the aromas and other subtleties of the wine, giving you a more complete wine to taste. Is there a preferred way to swirl? From a practical standpoint, not really. Any agitation of the wine will bring oxygen to it. We recommend you first start with the wine glass staying on the table, and just make a few small circles. Then, you can move to picking up your wine glass and giving a couple small spins. Best practice is to start with water first. And, don’t be that person who picks up his glass and makes sweeping, grandiose gestures, like they’re casting a spell or trying to create a typhoon in a glass. A couple of quick wrist flicks will do the trick. 3. Smell. Now that the wine has been activated, it’s time to smell it. There’s no magic here: put your nose in the glass, close your eyes, and inhale. What will that tell you? A lot. The main aromas you can pick up will probably be fruit, floral, and herb/earthy tones. Everything from cherries, peppers, tobacco, grass, and pineapple, as well


{ A LITTLE WINE EDUCATION } “The best part of tasting wine is that you get to do it over and over again. Practice makes perfect. There is so much to learn about wine, everything from the various regions, grape varieties, fermentation process, etc., but understanding these basic tasting steps is a great introduction to wine education.”

as a variety of different types of grapes. Sommeliers will be able to discern deeper layers within those categories, but an initial smell of the wine will get your mind ready and set the table for the fourth (and best) step. 4. Sip. Finally. The payoff. You’ve worked hard to get to this point; it would be a shame if you treated your wine like a glass of milk. Everything has built up to this point. You’ve examined the wine, infused it with oxygen, and smelled the aroma. Now, it’s go time. By doing steps 1-3, you should have a pretty good sense of the flavor profile of the wine. Once the wine hits your tongue, the first things you should notice are: sweetness,



bitterness, sour, acidity. On the back end, or the finish, you get a sense of the texture of the wine. You can taste the alcohol, as well as the fruit, floral, or herbal components. How long the wine taste lasts in your mouth, or how quickly your mouth is drying out, is an indication of how strong the wine tannins are. Wine tannins, more commonly found in red wines, are derived from grape skins, and are essentially what gives the wine its dryness, or bitterness. Tannins are also found in teas, chocolate, nuts, and spices, all of which, when combined with grapes, can add a multi-layer of complexity to the wine. The best part of tasting wine is that you

get to do it over and over again. Practice makes perfect. There is so much to learn about wine, everything from the various regions, grape varieties, fermentation process, etc., but understanding these basic tasting steps is a great introduction to wine education. Everyone’s palate is different. But knowing what you’re doing (and why you’re doing it) will help you find the wine that’s best for you. So, the next time you’re at the restaurant, and the waiter pours you the introductory glass of wine, don’t panic. Remember the 4-S Method. Calmly see, swirl, sniff, and sip, and you’ll be on your way to properly enjoying your wine and impressing those around you.

Sip. Relax. Enjoy. Cork49 is the first wine bar in the Village of Victor, New York, and offers a variety of wines carefully selected by our Certified Sommelier, both from the Finger Lakes region and from around the world. Our focus is on providing a comfortable and inviting atmosphere for individual customers, private parties, or small office events. In addition to wine, we also offer a selection of craft beer, cider, and small bites.

49 W. Main Street, Victor, NY 14564 (585) 924-9244



An overflowing stocking is great, but not a 3-1-1-approved travel bag

random, hit-or-miss beauty samples, running around town to pick up subpar travel size products or messily decanting products to smaller containers. Ultimately, they feel a bit off their game - not how they want to feel in those all-important meetings or events.

New premium, customizable, travel-size line specifically developed for g l o b e t ro t t i n g women Finding stocking stuffers for onthe-go women who already have the latest in electronics, suitcases and globetrottingfriendly clothing is never easy. Now there’s a lux yet practical option: Carrie’s new premium, customizable, travel-size hair care and skin care products ( that are designed specifically for women who spend more time at 30,000 feet than a team of reindeer. Most women who travel frequently for work don’t have a magic sleigh. They’re stuck in airport lines longer than the queue to see Santa, and don’t check a bag, limiting them to small, travel-size products. This sends them into a neverending travel beauty battle: Hoarding 72


Carrie’s understands and partnered with global hair car and skin care experts who typically work with dermatologists and high-end hair salons. They discussed the beauty challenges of traveling; think jet lag, dehydration, hotel towels laced with harsh detergents, 100% humidity or no humidity at all. These experts got to work crafting products to fight these unfriendly conditions. The result: A

line of hair and skin care products to help woman travelers be their beautiful confident selves while on the road. However, always on the go women know the size and shape of the packaging is just as important as the product inside. A 3.4 oz bulky shaped package that eats up space in her 311 bag is of no help! Transferring products to TSA travel containers is a messy (and let’s face it, not very sanitary) process. Carrie’s perfectly sized, TSA-compliant packages are in neat and efficient containers, allowing women to maximize the amount and variety of products they can bring on their trip. How beautiful is that? Not traveling by plane? Still no reason to bring bulky, full-size product on a trip – luggage space is too valuable. Carrie’s lets her customize the products she needs – and still have room for that extra pair of shoes! Lastly, Carrie’s let’s her build her own custom kit based on the destination or need. For example, going somewhere humid and hair goes crazy curly or deflates? No worries, build a kit of straightening or volumizing hair care




{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS } An overflowing stocking is great, but not a 3-1-1-approved travel bag New premium, customizable, travel-size line specifically developed for globetrotting women.

Even when traveling closer to Earth by train or automobile, each destination can provide unique challenges, including cold conference rooms, arid passenger compartments, and humid cities. Carrie’s customizable kits allow women who travel to build exactly what they want, with the goal of feeling their most confident on important or everyday trips. To make your stocking stuffing efforts



easy this season Carrie’s pre-built some kits for your woman on the go! Popular options for 2017 include: • Volumizing 4 piece Hair Care Kit infused with Keratin, Pro-Vitamin B5 and natural extracts to strengthen hair and reduce frizz, while adding shine and thickness. $19.00 • Styling 4 piece Hair Care Kit. No sticky residues or build up, just an exceptional,

touchable hold. $19.00. • Age-Defense 3 piece Skin Care Kit. Combines age fighting ingredients with key moisturizers and protective extracts defending her skin against age and the stresses of travel. $24.00 “Pack Carrie’s and be merry!” Carrie’s customizable TSA approved travel-size hair and skin care products can be purchased directly at









Andrea Schmelzer opened Avian Salon & Spa on Empire Boulevard in Webster, in May of 2016. Andrea, now 33, grew up in the city of Rochester until the age of 13 and moved with her dad to Hilton her first year of high school. She graduated from Hilton High School and attended Shear Ego for Cosmetology School in 2001. After 15 years working for someone else and five years of renting a chair, Andrea wanted to make her dream and visions come true by opening her own salon.

Meet the owner of Avian Salon & Spa...


Her mission for Avian Salon & Spa is to innovate salon and spa services and provide medical spa procedures in one trendy and relaxing space. Incorporating non-invasive medical procedures such as Botox, Juvederm fillers, Kybella, and Micro-needling into a hair salon is what sets Avian Salon & Spa apart. “I wanted to create an environment of a group of passionate people doing what we love, and people that aren’t afraid of encouraging their peers. When one is successful we are all successful, so it is vital to create a positive chain reaction,” she said. “We thrive on quality of all services provided, and want each one of our guests to walk out looking and feeling their best,” Andrea said. Andrea is particularly proud of the staff she has hired. “The hiring process is so very important to me because all it takes is one person that is negative to reverse the positive chain to a negative one. I knew the biggest challenge would be finding the ‘gems’ of the business,” she said. “It took me 16 and a half years to get here. I’m not going to build Avian’s dream team in one year. The girls we have, along with Dr.Tracy are all amazing! It starts with great character. You could be the best hair stylist, but if you have a bad attitude Avian Salon & Spa is not the place for you.” Andrea emphasizes that it feels so good to see her staff grow, and watch them on their journey to success. “It’s a long road, but working at the right place with positive management will keep you up when you’re feeling down,” she said. “And we will continue to push the limits by always offering new and revolutionary services.” With a wide variety of hair, spa, and medical services offered at Avian, Andrea assures clients that they will find everything they need in one convenient location. “So come in and see us for yourselves. Have a

glass of wine, and let us pamper you! Remember, beauty starts within! If you are happy with what you see, your confidence will shine through. As we always say here at Avian Salon & Spa, Relax & Renew- It starts with a beautiful you,” she said. Andrea says she is surprised by how amazing, supportive, understanding, loving and excited to help her that her clients were when she launched her own business. “I was going through a separation the same time I was opening a salon and spa. It was the most exciting, happy time, but in my personal life was the most stressful, sad, scary, emotional time, not only for me but for my 13-year-old son Jason and 7-year-old daughter Ariana. I had to make sure I separated both,” she said. “I couldn’t bring my sadness into my new, exciting, uplifting salon. And I had to know not to always talk about work at home. It was a balance that was a true struggle at times. If it wasn’t for my clients that have become family over the years being so supportive, it would have been even harder. Talking to my clients about them really took the focus off of my personal struggles.” Today Andrea works behind the chair 4 days a week: Tuesday 10-8, Wednesday 10-3, Friday 10-8, and Saturday 8-3. Monday’s and Thursday’s she does paper work, salon planning, brain storming the future, as well as running salon errands. She keeps Sunday’s completely free of work for her family. “I personally offer a wide variety of hair services,” she said. “I specialize in the Balayage technique, I absolutely love coloring and highlighting. I offer all types of cutting, hair extensions, olaplex treatments, blow outs, up-styling and so much more. I love it all and it keeps my daily work fun and different.” Her favorite part of what she does, is watching her team grow, and seeing them put smiles on our clients faces. “Quality is so important to us here. To see our team master that as well as reading such great reviews online about our girls puts a huge smile on my face. When each one of us grows, we all grow,” Andrea says. “It feels so good to help build the confidence in others. If more people said positive things about each other the negative would slowly start to fade away. I’ve worked with mean girls in the past. It’s only inspired me to create an environment that has none of that. It starts with the leader. I feel sometimes you need to believe in someone who doesn’t believe in them self. And to watch that person flourish is the most amazing feeling!” Andrea is quick to say that her son and her daughter are her world. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


Her son Jason, “is an amazing and talented soccer player who attends Aquinas and is in 8th grade. Ariana is in 2nd grade, she absolutely loves horseback riding and just started in the summer, and is extremely brave and great at it. Taking after her momma who also started riding at the age of 7. Although she is much better than me.” “The balance between the salon and my family is very hard,” she admits. “Everything I do, it’s for my children! I could live in a box and as long as I have my babies I’m filled with all I need. Things don’t matter to me, not anymore,” she said.

“I have missed a lot of time with my kids, and that has been the biggest struggle so far. In a time when they needed me most I had to be at the salon. I know I was working to support them, and I know one day they can look back and know I did it all for them.” Her future plans for Avian include offering new services such as laser hair removal as well as laser skin treatments. She also wants to step away from working behind the chair to introduce herself to the community. With her strong love for creating hair transformations, to leading her new team

to success, while staying on top of the ever evolving beauty industry, Andrea walks in Avian Salon & Spa everyday smiling. “I am a passionate hair stylist that took a risk, wrote a business plan for the first time, and brought that plan with my vision to life,” Andrea says. “And with ups and downs, tears and laughs I can say I am beyond happy. I am so blessed, to have my entire family, as well as my salon family. This is what fills my heart.” To contact Andrea or make an appointment go to www.

Come and Visit Us for the Holidays

2126 Empire Blvd Webster NY 14580 I Webster (town), New York 14580 I (585) 347-6944 ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017








Melissa Cocola, master dog trainer, knew at a very early age that she would never feel content unless she was surrounded by dogs. Her passion would become her career. She began training dogs in 1993; in 1999 she graduated at the top of her class from the internationally recognized National K9 Institute in Columbus, Ohio. Over 20 years ago Melissa set out to find the perfect country setting to build the Rochester area’s first All Inclusive Dog Resort. She looked at over one hundred properties before finding a perfect location for her training and boarding home. Six years later, Positive K9 outgrew its first location; after seeing the joy that visiting dogs get from their country vacation, Melissa knew that a warehouse-style building or commercial setting wasn’t what her four-legged guests (and their families) wanted. She found a second home in Macedon and named it Creekside Lodge.

Melissa Cocola... MASTER DOG TRAINER Q&A

Soon she will be expanding again, adding Creekside Acres: A 50-acre, picturesque property with a beautiful Log Cabin set perfectly upon a blanket of endless green grassy hills that will make every dog happy. Melissa took time out of her busy schedule to answer our interview questions: Did you go to high school here? I grew up in Manchester New York. I graduated from Red Jacket High School. How did you make the decision to open Positive K9? I have always had a deep love of all animals, however had felt an incredibly strong connection with dogs since I was a young child. My father had a passion for training hunting dogs and after shadowing a trainer in the industry, I was more convinced than ever that this is what I was meant to do. At the time that I opened the training business there was a small handful of trainers in our area most of which focused on traditional group obedience classes. I wanted to offer clients an option for dogs who were deemed “difficult or untrainable.” Our Residency Program has been a great resource for challenging dogs in our area. What has surprises you most about owning your own business? How much personal growth and selfdevelopment I have achieved thoughout this process. To be a successful entrepreneur requires resilience, lots of it. I don’t think that I understood this fully when I began this journey over two decades ago. To solely build something from nothing is difficult. To build something meaningful,

strong and lasting from nothing is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Entrepreneurs choose a life of uncertainty. One that will hopefully be marked by joy, achievement, laughter and satisfaction, but will also inevitably be marked by change, fear and disappointment. I have really had to step outside my comfort zone and take chances over the years. I am continually setting new goals. I can wholeheartedly say that as the business continues to grow, I continue to grow with it. It’s empowering beyond measure. How often can you be found working there and what services do you personally provide? I work seven days a week due to the fact that both the training and boarding business are open 365 days a year. I have an incredibly dedicated training and Resort staff, however I will always be very hands on in all of my companies to ensure that the quality and standards are upheld. There are two days a week that I take off from meeting with training clients, however those are the days when I find myself better able to spend time with my staff as well as supervising the care of our guests. Between the three businesses there is always plenty to do here. What’s your favorite part about the business? Being surrounded by dogs has been a life-long dream. It will never feel like “work” to me. It nourishes my soul to be in the company of dogs. My late father would often say, “Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.” Throughout the years, the bonds that I have formed with my clients and their dogs has enriched my life in so many ways. I have developed some amazing friendships due to dogs prompting their owners to seek our services. Something that also brings me great joy is watching my team members flourish. Some of our employees have been with me since I opened the business. To see the team gain confidence in their abilities is so very rewarding. Sharing my passion with those around me an important part of this journey. Some of my greatest teachers early in my life were past employers. Although I may have not recognized the value of their wisdom and knowledge at the time, they played an enormous role in sculpting me into the person I am today. The secret to growth is helping others grow. What do you want the public to know about K9? Positive K9 Inc has been in our community for over twenty years and specializes in training dogs with behavioral issues. We have successfully trained over 10,000 dogs in our program. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


All of our training programs are customized based on your specific goals and expectations, as well as your dog’s personality type. Our programs include lifetime follow up at no charge. Early on, Positive K9 Training quickly grew and expanded its services and created Creekside Resort and Creekside Lodge which offer boarding and daycare. After several years in the industry my training clients were desperately seeking better boarding options. Creekside Resort was the first cage free “All Inclusive Dog Resort “ to our area. I carefully designed an environment that would closer replicate the home environment. Classical music, dim lighting, bedtime snacks and endless grassy fields to run and play. My goal was never to be a hundred plus dogs in a kennel. We are very quaint and very interactive with our guests. Six years after Creekside Resort opened I recognized that there was a demand for this unique personalized boarding service. It was then that I built my second location, Creekside Lodge . I have 42 rooms at each location with a separate geriatric section for our senior friends. Keeping it small not only cuts down on stress, but also ensures that each dog receives plenty of one on one attention.

We offer training, boarding, and daycare. Our training team as well as Resort staff are knowledgeable and compassionate and treat each guest as if they were their own. Would you like to share anything else about your personal life? I have an amazing daughter and two German Shepherds. In my free time I enjoy hiking and camping with my daughter. I am fond of anything that brings me outdoors and closer to nature. It’s a great way to “unplug” and stay grounded. How do you balance being a mom with owning the company? They are two very demanding yet rewarding roles. I am a full time single mom and as my daughter grows I realize the importance of giving her the time that she deserves. I am blessed that she shares the same passion for dogs as I do so she is always excited to work along side of me. It makes it very easy to blend my career with motherhood. She enjoys joining the training dogs on their field trips as well as helping out in the Resort . I think my desire to be around the dogs permeates her. She hopes to one day train dogs as well.

What are you most excited about in the future for yourself and your business? This coming year is going to be really exciting for Positive K9 and Creekside. In the upcoming months the company is planning some really neat fund raisers to help other pet-related organizations in our community. This past summer I purchased a 50 Acre farm and I am currently constructing another Dog Resort. It was purchased from a veterinarian and is an ideal setting for dogs . This location is going to be so much fun to build due to the endless acreage. I will be bringing some really unique training services to this location as well. Our clients are really excited to see this location open. What’s on your bucket list? I really don’t have much of a bucket list. My career, as well as being a mother, are more fulfilling then I could have ever imagined. The past few years I have been writing quite a bit about creative training techniques that have been successful with helping many of my students overcome their fears and phobias. My goal is to one day publish a book that can assist trainers to “think outside the box” when it comes to behavior modification. I would also like to bring my daughter to Italy to see where our family came from.

Positive K9 at Creekside is unlike any other dog-centric establishment you’ve ever seen. We provide a cage- and kennel-free, activity-filled resort atmosphere that keeps your dog secure, safe, and comfortable. ​ What makes Creekside unique is our peaceful, picturesque country setting with endless green grasscovered yards to run, romp and play in. It’s not a kennel, it’s a true all-inclusive vacation for your dog. With private suites and acres of woodlands, fields, and a creek at each location, your dog lives in and around nature and receives lots of personalized love and attention all day. ​ Training: We specialize in aggression and behavioral issues and teach all levels of basic and advanced obedience using techniques that are customized to your dog, designed to meet your specific objectives. ​ Daycare and Boarding: We’re the area’s first All Inclusive Resort designed and built for the comfort of dogs. We provide plenty of safe socializing and playtime interspersed with quiet time. Pups happily jump out of the car, ready for adventure! 2150 Sherburne Road I Walworth, NY 14568 I 315-986-8654 I I





L Lawana Jones is always on the RUN.


She is a full-time Project Manager and a single mother of two. Her proudest work however, is the Executive Director of the Autism Council of Rochester. Lawanna’s daughter Marsche was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) at a young age. She was enrolled in special education programs as she grew. As her mom, Lawana found that the Rochester community severely lacked the support services and programs her daughter and other ASD children needed to make the transition from high school to the adult community. “There are a number of agencies on hand to help school age children,” she said. “Then when they turn 18, families can be left all alone to figure out what’s next for their loved one.” In an effort to assist ASD children, offer support to families and advocate on their behalf, Jones created the council. The Autism Council of Rochester ultimately seeks to bridge the gap between the end of special education programs and the entrance into society for children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. “The agency was started in May 2005 and was originally named “Autism Inter-agency Transition Services,” Lawana said. “We

officially incorporated in 2007 as The Autism Council of Rochester, Inc. and received our 501(c)3 in October 2008. Next year we will celebrate our 10th year serving the community under this name.” As with any not-for-profit, the agency is always looking for ways to raise funds. To raise both money and awareness of the cause, the Autism Council hosted their first ever 5k race in April of this year. “We called it Heroes on Both Sides,” she said. “I work to educate first responders an law enforcement officers about ASD and in turn more than 100 of them and community members came out to support us for our first race.” Lawana is particularly proud of an annual Job Fair the council coordinates, meant especially for job seekers with ASD. “There are so many people all over the spectrum and many of them want to find jobs. But the whole interviewing situation is completely foreign to them. It’s like they are set up for failure just walking in the door.” This year 25 employers and agencies came together for the Job Fair, held in May at the Memorial Art Gallery. A grant from the Ronald McDonald House paid for the room rental. Wegmans participated both as a hiring employer and has donated money for Law Enforcement Training programs. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


Traditionally about 100 job seekers and their families and caregivers attend.

of Mental Health and several other key agencies in the city.

“All the employers know they’ll be meeting with people with ASD. They come in wanting to work with them to either give them a job, help them find a job or give people volunteer opportunities to build up their resume. It’s been very rewarding to see it grow as more and more companies participate each year.”

“It is a concept that our board of directors has been discussing for over a year, and it is well overdue,” Lawana said.

Next on her agenda, Lawana will lead the Monroe County Wide Autism Task Force. She has been Certified as an Autism Specialist and Autism Trainer by the International Board of Credentialing and Continuing Education Standards (IBCCES). The board will begin meeting in November. The project was started with the cooperation of the Department of Health and Human Services, the Office 86


“Over the last 20 years the rate of prevalence for Autism Spectrum Disorder has increased over 80%. As a lead autism agency in the City of Rochester we have to come up with a roadmap and plan on how we best serve our community members and their families living with Autism Spectrum Disorder. The plan is to have the board meet monthly. We will host focus groups and other forums to gather parent input. We will also develop a guide for families that highlights all the agencies and services available to families after an ASD diagnosis.” “I’m very proud to be leading the Autism

Task Force. This will make a huge impact on the lives of our community members and the parents and caregivers living daily with Autism.” “After that I will work on an agency relaunch with new programming and new focus,” Lawana said. Despite the challenges she has faced as a mother of someone with autism, Lawana says “in spite of all the challenges that my daughter Marsche has had to endure, she is still smiling and enjoying life.” To learn more about or to donate to The Autism Council of Rochester, visit their website at Reach Lawana Jones by email at lawana@


5000 Sq Ft of Fully Customizable Space to all your Party or Event needs*****585 Customizable In-House Catering Menu*****Full Operating Bar with 8 Draft Lines***** In House Sound System with Piped in Music*****Birthday Parties, Holiday Parties, Work Meetings, Showers, Stags, and more!! 250 Pixley Rd, (585)247-0079



Jessica Bain and Shikeya Townsend are the evening team on Wednesdays, on the radio show, “585 The Plug Radio”. This is an internet radio show, airing in Rochester, NY, focusing on intersecting the worlds of entertainment, current events, fashion and beauty, as well as shining the light on local businesses/ areas of interest and women’s issues. Jessica Bain, host and co-founder of the show is an award-winning entertainment manager, event producer and life coach. As President of Collective Society, Jessica produced events such as “Slay the Runway”. Her background is in Music Business and Public Relations (graduate of State University at Fredonia). Jessica is a master of “voice” doing commercials, and voice-over work. Jessica attributes her love for the arts to her musically-inclined family. She is known for being direct and using a detailed-way of solving problems and delivering results. She is often referred to as “the plug” by friends and associates based on her talent of connecting people and resources. Shikeya To w n s e n d , co-host of “585 The Plug Radio” is known for her “tell-itlike-it-is” raw personality. 88


She owns/created Phace Cosmetics, earning a nomination for “best new business” within the first year of operation. She prides herself in being a positive motivator for women of all shapes and ages. She herself, once struggled with low self-confidence and esteem. Learning how to accept and love ourselves is the key to becoming a confident woman. Shikeya went on her own self-love journey, learned self-acceptance and “love conquers all”. She uses this platform to encourage others and assist them in finding a way to live extraordinary lives. The hosts, met each other through a mutual friend, remaining acquaintances for approximately two years. Through conversation, the ladies recognized they shared a similar vision. They turned the vision into a reality with the radio show. The Plug Radio occurred when

their ideas and goals merged creating a platform for the show. The ladies discuss what they hope their show will do and say, “There are a few messages we always hope to convey through our work together. We strive to shine a much-needed spotlight on thriving local businesses and entrepreneurs and to recognize the efforts of those working towards their dreams. We also aim to provide a warm, supportive forum through which women especially feel freer to discuss the issues and themes which affect them in a genuine and unbiased manner. We’ve always had a passion for speaking up and using our voices to affect change and positivity. We’re very outspoken within our own respective professional ventures. When the opportunity to produce and co-host the show presented itself, we felt it was natural to seize it and fill the empty niche in radio which existed for so long”. The ladies both gain inspiration from family members, Shikeya believes she learned the biggest lesson in life, which helps her be who she is today, from her father. He taught her to live





{ { RWO LAW & SURVIVORS HIP HOP } } ““Our biggest obstacle in this venture was finding a solid support team whose values and methods were consistent with our vision. This venture, definitely taught us, who was truly there for us and who was along the ride for perks. There is no perfect juggling act. ”

unapologetically, no matter what. Jessica indicates her mother was the most inspirational person who taught by living as an example. She instilled in her the importance of independence and taking a pro-active stance in life through consistency and tough love.

to be all at once. If doing all this was easy, we wouldn’t be working hard enough. We are fortunately enough to have amazing relationships with our

The co-hosts are excited as their show grows. Soon, the show is going on the road. The Plug will be touring, hosting more special events, and more! The show will be everywhere this season and the women are looking to start 2018, off with a bang! “Our biggest obstacle in this venture was finding a solid suppor t team whose values and methods were consistent with our vision. This venture, definitely taught us, who was truly there for us and who was along the ride for perks. There is no perfect juggling act. We will always have way too much to do and too many places 90


support,” they say. Shikeya talks about what her most defining moment was in her life by saying, “Becoming a mother, really brought everything in my life, to a clear focus. I crystallized more of my goals at that time, redefined my career goals and I know knew I didn’t just have myself to live for”. Jessica says, “The point in my life which was most defining was when I actually recognized I possessed skills and connections, and experience to make a living off what I love to do. I learned and brought to fruition the American Dream”.

loved ones, keeping us balanced, and providing quality, personal administrative

our own visions”.

The ladies’ final t h o u g h t s we re : “All of us need to know, your dreams are valid. Nothing you really want is unattainable. It may seem that way when you feel discouraged. Many times, what holds us back is simply the inability to say yes to ourselves and committing to







Welcome to VITALIZE

Vitalize is the region’s first comprehensive Female & Male Wellness Center. Our dedicated office specializes in the common concerns of both men and women. We offer the most advanced care available to get you feeling like your old self again, both physically and mentally. We provide a comprehensive arsenal of treatments and therapies including state-of-the-art medical services, preventative treatments, and naturopathic therapies. Vitalize is the only Center in the region serving Rochester, Syracuse and Buffalo NY with a team of dedicated experts providing personalized care for men and women in a private and confidential setting. At the Vitalize Medical Center, we pride ourselves on a low volume, boutique approach to medicine. Our comfortable, private offices reflect our commitment to personal attention. Their staff of specialists – an MD whose specialty is men, a male medical specialist, a nutritionist, and a hormone expert – will design an individualized plan that’s as unique as you are. Founder and owner, Dr. Ralph Madeb earned his medical degree from Technion Institute of Technology in Haifa, Israel. He completed a surgical internship and

residency and his urology residency at the University of Rochester School of Medicine. Dr. Madeb is board certified in urology by the American Board of Urology and is an Assistant Professor at the University of Rochester School of Medicine. He is also a diplomate of the American College of Surgeons. He belongs to many societies including Sexual Medicine Society of North America, International Society for Sexual Medicine, American Urological Association, Society for Urologic Oncology, American Medical Association, and American College of Surgeons. Dr. Madeb is the Medical Director of the Finger Lakes Urology Institute, Chief of Surgery at Newark-Wayne Community Hospital and the Medical Director for the Office of Telehealth at Newark-Wayne Community Hospital. Dr. Madeb has been published in more than 40 journal articles on his extensive training, research and expertise in treating urologic cancers and conditions. He is trained in minimally-invasive (robotic) surgery techniques, offering his patients shorter hospital stays and faster recovery times. Physician Assistant, Jason M. Donovan RPA-C, is a certified Physician Assistant ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


Vitalize...A Center for Medical Rejuvenation


with nearly 10 years of clinical experience and with over 5 years of experience in male erectile and sexual dysfunction.

Woman Online where Alicia will be our January 2018 cover woman telling her truly amazing and inspiring story.

Alicia Caiola-Hicks, Practice Manager/ LPN has worked for Dr. Madeb and Jason for over 8 years as both the practice manager and nurse manager at Batavia Urology before joining the team at Vitalize Medical Center. She has worked in urology for 11 years and is eager to bring her extensive knowledge and experience in issues concerning men and women’s overall health to the patients of Vitalize. Be sure to stay tuned for our January New Year, New You edition of Rochester

Rochester Woman will be featuring a monthly column called Ask The Doctor in which the talented team from Vitalize will be our contributing writers. Be sure to check out their monthly column starting in December.


Would you like to reset your metabolism and burn stored fat? Talk to the team of medical doctors, nutritionists, and hormone specialists on at Vitalize about a weight loss program that’s medically

proven and customized for your personal body type. hCG – The most popular weight loss treatment on the market today is now medically regulated. Our team at Rochester Woman will even be doing it, and showcasing our results in an upcoming edition along with live facebook feeds. Plus, they will be discussing new state of the art technology they offer for both men and women, injectables, menopause therapy, erectile disfuction, low testosterone in both men and women and more each month!


Weight loss s Botox s Dermal Fillers Male and Female Hormone Replacement Peptide Therapy s Vitamin Therapy GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE $100 ANY SERVICE WITH THIS AD

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Q 96




Meet Dr. Heather Lee of the Quatela Center for Plastic Surgery

Dr. Heather Lee, a highly skilled facial plastic surgeon, has joined Dr. Vito Quatela, Dr. William Koenig and Dr. Emese Kalnoki of the Quatela Center for Plastic Surgery in Rochester, NY. Dr. Lee completed her Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery Fellowship under world-renowned facial plastic surgeon Dr. Vito Quatela. She specializes exclusively in aesthetic and reconstructive facial procedures including face lifts, functional and cosmetic nose surgery, forehead lift, Botox® and injectable filler treatments, Mohs reconstruction, blepharoplasty, platelet-rich plasma (PRP) treatments for hair loss and hair restoration procedures. “I am honored to be part of the amazing team of surgeons and staff at the Quatela Center for Plastic Surgery. During my medical training, I found myself fascinated with facial plastic surgery both from a technical aspect and because of the impact I could make in a person’s life. It is wonderful to stay after my fellowship and become a part of the Rochester community. I love getting to know my patients and helping each with his or her individual and unique challenge. I find that one of the most gratifying aspects of being a plastic surgeon is helping people look and feel their best. You are often the bearer of hope and positive change that your patient is looking for,” Dr. Lee says.

There are various reasons why people choose to undergo plastic surgery. It could be because of an accident, a birth defect, an illness, a war wound, etc. Often these issues can create a negative impact on their life. By addressing their concerns, surgery can help patients alleviate some of their difficulty, embarrassment and suffering. Cosmetic changes are another reason why patients choose to have plastic surgery, as they look to enhance a certain aspect of their body (nose, lips, lines on the face). Often, cosmetic changes can go hand in hand with functional changes to not only improve the appearance of the nose, for example, but enhance function as well. Dr. Lee graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biomedical Sciences and Biochemistry from the University of Pennsylvania, while also completing a minor in Asian American Studies. She continued on at the University of Pennsylvania to obtain a Master’s degree in Biotechnology before returning to her home state of Kentucky to study medicine at the University of Louisville School of Medicine, where she graduated cum laude. She received several awards of recognition, including awards for Outstanding Performance and Excellence in Otolaryngology first as a medical student and again as a resident, and a resident research award from the James

Graham Brown Cancer Center at the University of Louisville.


Dr. Lee completed a five-year residency in Otolaryngology – Head and neck Surgery in Louisville before she arrived at the Quatela Center to complete her AAFPRS facial plastic surgery fellowship and launch her career. Her dedication and compassionate care for her patients rests upon a shared philosophy at the Quatela Center: plastic surgery creates uplifting experiences that change people’s lives, from young children to older adults. Like all of the doctors at the Quatela Center, Dr. Lee provides excellent patient care with compassion and a dedication to excellence.

work in global health during residency when she traveled to Africa to operate on and care for Kenyans with large compressive goiters. Through Dr. Vito Quatela’s HUGS Foundation, Heather has continued her international work by reconstructing the ears of patients with microtia, a congenital defect of the ear, in Guatemala, Ecuador and Vietnam. Dr. Lee has contributed academically to her field and has collaborated on various biomedical research projects, including molecular genetics during her time researching at the Rockefeller University in New York. During her residency, she was selected twice to present her research projects at the Triological Society Combined Sections Meeting.

She is also passionate about giving back to communities at a local, national and global level. Throughout her medical training, she provided care at women and children’s clinics and offered skin, head and neck cancer screenings to her local community. She began her

“We are thrilled to have Dr. Lee officially join our plastic surgery practice as a practicing physician. Not only does she bring a younger surgeon’s perspective to the practice, but her surgical ability and exceptional bedside manner led us to offer her the opportunity to join our


practice after her fellowship, and we know she is the perfect addition to the Quatela Center,” said Dr. Vito Quatela. In her spare time, Dr. Lee enjoys photography, yoga, raising bonsai trees, and gardening. She is a fan of just about anything culinary and spends her time exploring local specialties, supporting local farms, cooking and baking at home. Her blueberry pie was a contest finalist in the Kentucky State Fair. Dr. Lee is a member of the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and is a boardcertified member of the American Academy of Otolaryngology. To learn more about Dr. Lee and the Quatela Center for Plastic Surgery, visit or call 585.244.1000.

Find your beautiful at the

Quatela Center for Plastic Surgery

The Quatela Center is pleased to announce the addition of Dr. Heather Lee, a highly skilled facial plastic surgeon specializing exclusively in state-of-the-art reconstructive and cosmetic treatments. Call today, and mention this ad, for a complimentary consultation with Dr. Lee.* * Certain restrictions may apply.

973 E A S T AV E N U E | R O C H E S T E R, N Y | 244.1000 | Q UAT E L A .C O M ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017




There’s nothing I love more than walking into a home that’s been decorated with festive Christmas spirit. As soon as you come into our front foyer the front railing greets you with swags of pine, berries, pine cones and red plaid ribbon. I love this view into the living room. The 8 foot fresh Fraser Fir tree stands front and center of the picture window. Ever since my sister and I moved out on our own, our mom has started Christmas collections for us. For Amie, it’s her cherished glass Christmas ornaments and for me it’s my nutcracker collection: a extensive mix of every kind and size nutcracker imaginable from expensive German one-of-a-kind nutcrackers to hand-painted nutcrackers by my daughter Charlotte and son Ben from when they



were toddlers(equally important). When we bought our new house the dining room had a long built-in server. I knew it would be the perfect place for my nuctcracker collection. I spy Ben’s hand painted snowman, can you?

I swapped out the gray for green velvet and added red knit and fir pillows on the sofa Tis the season for more bottle brush tree sets and hand made one of a kind Santas.

Over the dining table I weaved faux greens and red and green metallic ornaments into the chandelier. A large glass dome covers a mini pine flanked by bottle brush trees and pine scented candle votives. Simple and easy to move for family dinners and lets the collection nearby take center stage.

Out with the fall leaves and mini pumpkins and in with greens and sparkly holiday decor. I love my coffee table. “It’s the perfect mix of modern and rustic.” There’s no way you can loose anything in these drawers. We placed extra greens, silver wooden orbs, glass ornaments and deer antlers inside. Such a pretty view from all angles.

My big cozy chair faces the fireplace and gets a needlepoint skiing pillow and cheery white and red throw blanket. It actually is a perfect snuggle spot for two!

I just loved my hand sewn felt tree skirt with little beaded flower centers. Its bright colors and three dimensional graphics reminds me of my Swedish heritage.





{ FALL IN LOVE WITH WISTERIA } I love my coffee table. “It’s the perfect mix of modern and rustic.”

In the back hall mudroom Stella waits on Santa patiently. A narrow hallway mirror equipped with a shelf and drawer to store keys and phones is occupied this time of the year by more nutcracker figurines. Did you know according to German folklore nutcrackers were given



as keepsakes to bring good luck to your family and protect your home? Leaning against the back of the house, a set of vintage skis await the first snow. I found these classics at a roadside sale in the Adirondacks for $2. A black dog

statue remembering Stella’s sister Maggie gets a fresh pine wreath. The spirit of Maggie welcomes all who comes into the home. We are now officially ready for the Holiday Season!







Bodymind Float Center Brings You Holiday Peace

There’s an urban myth that claims the average American household contains 300,000 items. This may be an exaggeration, but the point is well taken: We have a lot of stuff! Before diving into your holiday shopping, take a moment to reflect upon the impact you’d like your gift to have on your family, friends and colleagues. The holidays can be a stressful time. Will your gifts bring joy? Well-being? Or might it end up becoming just another in the collection of items stored away and forgotten? Studies have shown that experiences provide more enduring happiness than material purchases. Experiences bring us to together in ways that a physical gift cannot. From the happy anticipation of a novel venture to the shared memories we retain, experiences help us bond.

Bodymind Float Center offers two experiences that bring not only profound joy, but health and wellness: Floatation therapy and Salt Therapy. WHAT IS A FLOAT THERAPY? Floatation therapy happens inside a float tank, in which 1,000 pounds of Epsom salt is dissolved in ten inches of warm water. We

recently added two open float pools, which do not have an enclosure at all, but offer the same experience. Each tank or pool has a light one can turn off, creating an environment that is totally dark. The floater hears only the sounds she generates herself: breath, heartbeat - even the blinking of eyelids. Like the Dead Sea, the extremely dense saltwater enables people of all body types to float effortlessly, removing the ongoing necessity to balance the body and process its position within a gravitational field. Floating is as close as most of us will get to experiencing zero gravity! WHAT HAPPENS DURING A FLOAT SESSION? This zero gravity experience frees the brain from the bulk of its processing duties and prompts a cascade of physical changes within the body. Breathing and pulse slow. Blood pressure is lowered. Muscles in spasm release. A study has shown that production of stress hormones is suppressed. Endorphin levels, commonly known as the “runner’s high” are boosted. The brain’s function is altered, moving towards “theta” waves, such as those of a yogi or a person practicing meditation. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


Floating is peaceful and relaxing, and often results in profound joy. A common refrain heard from first-time floaters is, “I’ve never felt so relaxed in my life!” Each float session is ninety minutes long. For most, ninety minutes fly by surprisingly fast. WHY DO PEOPLE FLOAT? Stress relief is the most common reason people float. Regardless of age or gender, people who float report a significant decrease in stress, an effect that can last long after their session. We recently conducted a pilot study in conjunction with CDS Monarch’s Warrior Salute program for veterans, showing that floating is effective at relieving the symptoms of PTSD. Stress is often a source of insomnia and addiction. Many of our clients use the float tank as a tool to unplug, step away from pressures at work or home, and finding solutions to their problems while in a relaxed physical state. Many report having the best sleep of their lives after a float. Pain management is the second most common reason people float. There are many studies which show that people with fibromyalgia and arthritis benefit from floating with results comparable to or exceeding those from prescription medications. Guests have reported to us that their first float was also their first pain-free moment in years. Athletes, from Olympic medalists to professional 106


football and basketball players have endorsed floating as a powerful tool for recovery from intense athletic workouts. World Series champions Chicago Cubs maintain a float tank in their training facilities. Floating is safe for pregnant women, even late in the third trimester. The water temperature is maintained at 95 degrees. Mothers-to-be who suffer from back aches and symptoms caused by carrying extra weight can enjoy the benefits of floating without worrying about overheating. At Bodymind Float Center, we have an assortment of neck pillows one can use to find the optimal position for comfort. WHAT IS SALT THERAPY? Salt Therapy is a safe and easy way to address respiratory ailments such as asthma, allergies, sinusitis, cystic fibrosis, chronic bronchitis and emphysema. Clients sit back and relax in lounge chairs for 45 minutes, breathing in tiny particles of sodium chloride salt which is ground and dispersed by a powerful generator. Salt has both anti-inflammatory and sterilizing properties, which are the basis of folk remedies such as gargling with salt water, the use of netipots, visiting salt caves and spending time by the sea. Salt kills bacteria and draws moisture from the bronchioles. Mucous thins, sinuses drain and breathing becomes easier.

DO YOU OFFER GIFT CERTIFICATES? Our gift certificates are the easiest way to give the experience of a float or salt session to your loved ones or colleagues. Local artist Ben Moriconi designed several fun card designs to choose from. Each card is customizable with a personal message. They can be purchased in our store, or ordered online at our website. All online orders are shipped for free! We now offer E-Gift Cards, delivered through email. The delivery of an E-Gift card can be immediate or timed for a specific day. It saves paper, and there’s no more waiting for the mail! We promise the lucky recipient of your gift a welcoming, warm experience. Our staff are knowledgeable, personable and dedicated to service. From their cheerful greeting and thorough orientation, to their conversation over complimentary tea after your session, their caring attitude is palpable. A quick look at online reviews will reveal the depth of appreciation Bodymind clients feel towards this remarkable group of professionals. This year, avoid a floor covered in wrapping paper, trips to the return counter and the proverbial fruitcake. Give the gift of health. Give the gift of peace.

“BHAM!!!!! Total relaxation.” ~Michael R., Yelp reviewer

622 Park Ave

(585) 413-0616

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MS. KURVIE 2017:


Ms. Kurvie 2017, Shaqueta Starling made a lasting impression. During the talent portion of the Ms. Kurvie Pageant, she jumped up on stage dressed in her nursing uniform rapping a remix of Cardi B’s “Bodak Yellow”. Instead of red bottoms, her version said: “I wear nursing shoes”. Her shining smile and bubbly personality brought home the crown. Additionally, she won the talent portion of the pageant becoming a doublec row n e d q u e e n . Shaqueta indicates: “This was the proudest moment of my life!”

It was the day of the pageant, when Shaqueta woke up and said to herself: “You got this! Just be yourself”. She wants all women to, “Be and love yourself! Everyone has an opinion about who you are, but who do you say you are?

Ms. Kurvie 2017, entered Latiffany A n d e r s o n’s N Y Pageant because she wanted a sense of achievement, to step outside of her comfort zone and she wanted the opportunity to connect with different people. The sisterhood, discovered when competing, was the most cherished part of winning the pageant. Shaqueta admits prior to the pageant, she didn’t think she would become Ms. Kurvie, NY. Ms. Kurvie is a unique pageant open to women size 12 and up. This is the fourth year for this pageant, where women across NY show their talent, beauty and embrace their curves. The pageant is starting to branch out and just held a Ms. Kurvie in Texas as well. 108


Then be that! No one can live your life but you. Embrace everything about yourself and live life to the fullest. Beauty come from our hearts, not the size or shape of our bodies. Being beautiful is being happy and accepting ourselves. We are all unique women. We are all different shapes, sizes

and colors. Our bodies are simply the shell. So, it doesn’t matter if you are a size 2 or 32! It’s what you hold in your heart, how you treat people, how you conduct yourself and this is how I define true beauty”. The most influential person in Shaqueta’s life was her grandmother. Her grandmother was an entrepreneur, who ran her own business for twenty years. She died 15 years ago, but her memory lived on. “She was a no messtaking, compassionate, loving, giving woman of morals and character and everyone who knew her agreed”! Before becoming a nurse, Shaqueta was a para-professional at the City School District. It was here, she fell in love with these medicallyfragile children she worked with. Her joy was helping and taking care of them. Many others suggested nursing school as a career goal. With nothing to lose, she gave it a shot and now loves what she does. In 2014, Shaqueta began her career in nursing because of her strong desire to help people. As the mother of four children, her primary goal in life is leaving a lasting impression on her children. She teaches them nothing is impossible when you are determined and passionate.

{ KURVY KUEEN } Her shining smile and bubbly personality brought home the crown. Additionally, she won the talent portion of the pageant becoming a doublecrowned queen. Shaqueta indicates: “This was the proudest moment of my life!”

One of the biggest obstacles, encountered along-the-way was being a single-mother. It was challenging trying to find her way raising good, respectful, honorable children. It continues to be an on-going obstacle every day. As a young mother, Shaqueta struggled, but noticed it got easier as she got older and wiser. Reflecting on her life, Shaqueta shares: “I am very proud of my children. I want to be an example to other single moms,



who are just trying to make it. I wish there were resources available to help these women in the community. I am proud to be a role-model for plus-sized women. Becoming Ms. Kurvie, boosted my confidence in myself. I want to help others gain confidence and self-love”. Shaqueta is excited to begin her journey as Ms. Kurvie NY. The Kueens spend their spare time doing community service. Sharing yourself is one of the most

rewarding gifts you can give. There is nothing like seeing a stranger smile, the sound of laughter from a child or just giving someone a hug when they need it. It makes the world a better place. Shaqueta loves her new role and we can plan to see lot of her throughout the upcoming year!



Our society is obsessed with beauty. Rajvanshi points out American beauty is changing away from the traditional “anorexic, bulimic beauties” to “the hip hop booty” where even Caucasian celebrities are seeking “bigger assets” (1). This trend though is generally a “fake” trend as women are seeking to obtain this look through plastic surgery. Rajvanshi notes in 2014, in the US, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, 15.6 million people underwent plastic surgery (1). Dictionary definitions all agree beauty is a quality which provides pleasure (2). Only 2 % of women in our society find themselves as beautiful and American culture tends to focus on outer beauty as opposed to the beauty within (2). Growing up in a world defined by outer beauty is not especially easy for people who fall outside that definition. US society, through the media and fashion industry, up until recently, focused on the definition of American beauty was based on one characteristic, being thin (2). Ayanna Jackson is a woman who is confident with herself and is setting 112


the stage to be a positive role model for everyone. Basically, it’s okay to be you, to love yourself no matter what and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not as defined by American society. Ayanna recently travelled to Atlanta to

to send the message no one should be ashamed of their bodies; we are all made differently but are still beautiful; and God makes no mistakes. Ayanna is a coordinator at the American Cancer Society. She also serves as a volunteer health advisor and advocacy committee member. She is a graduate of Joseph C. Wilson Magnet Highschool and has a background in nursing. Ayanna modelled in store for Avenue and Catherines . She is the mother of one daughter. Ayanna portrays voluptuous women have value and feelings like everyone else.

compete in the American Beauties Plus Pageant where she won the competition for her community service and for her division. Ayanna entered the competition because she wants to be a positive role model for voluptuous women. She wants

“We desire to be loved, respected and never underestimated. The body imaging stereotype in America sucks. We are all not made the same. The world would be a boring place and trust me I am far from boring! That’s why there’s only one of me”. The Pageant Ayanna entered has a special division for plus-sized women. She brought home the crown of the American Beauties




{ SHIFT+CONTROL { HER EDGE } } Ayanna loves making new friends and cherishes meeting all of the women who were affiliated with the pageant. “I left with new sisters”.

Plus Woman in her division (age 40-50). The areas of competition are interview with judges, fashionwear (30%), evening wear (30%) and the on-stage question. There are optional categories of cover girl, photogenic, portfolio, talent, nonperforming talent, community service, and People’s Choice. Ayanna found the whole experience of participating in a pageant as mind-blowing. Ayanna loves making new friends and cherishes meeting all of the women who were affiliated with the pageant. “I left



with new sisters”. The biggest obstacles Ayanna overcame in entering the pageant was her insecurity about her smile the lack of support she received from some of her family members. She did not let this stop her and she was proud to bring home the national title to make all plus-sized women proud. Ayanna mentions members of her family are the most influential people in her life. Ayanna performed her community service with a focus on her platform of breast cancer awareness. Even after winning Ayanna still experienced

negativity from haters and says, “I am on cloud 9. Even though there were some negative comments thrown at me about winning, they did not shake me! I came home from a national pageant with a big win! My name is Ayanna Jackson and I am your American Beauties Plus Woman”. RESOURCES (1). Rajvanshi, K .(2015).Who Is Beautiful? How Beauty is Defined Around the World, The Indian Express, Retrieved October 22, 2017 from www. indianexpress .com (2) Schwarzenegger, K. (2010). Defining Beauty, Huff Post Blog, retrieved








Perhaps one of the best ways to get inside the head of a 13 year old, 8th grade girl who has made a name for herself in the world of pageantry, modeling and dance here in Rochester, NY and beyond is to read her “personal introduction” – as it is known in pageant circles – which she shares during public speaking, community, volunteer and pageantry events. Readers may also find this discourse and other modeling, dance, pageantry and volunteering videos, photos and information on her website which Arena first helped create as a home school student at age 10 that she still assists in maintaining to this day (

Annaliese Arena’s Happily Ever After

Her introduction goes like this: Assemblé, Développé, Piqué, Arabesque. These French words may sound like a tongue twister, but are classical ballet moves I have studied as a dancer since age two. My love for all things French goes beyond the dance studio – and French fries of course – including a dream to model on a Paris fashion runway. But for now in my city of Rochester, New York, this 13 year old believes fairy tales can come true with my organization Happily Ever After promoting positivity and kindness. I have shared my message of “HAPPY” at professional sporting events and in classrooms. Like Taylor Swift, I am home schooled and like humanitarian Audrey Hepburn I have devoted my life to serving others believing in the power of love and happiness for all. With France on my mind, and pirouetting my way to a professional stage as a future ballerina, I am Annaliese Arena. A resident of Pittsford and the youngest of five children, here is more of her background. In the dance world highlights are being a company member en pointe and ballet intern with Mossa School of Dance owned by her sister Alexis Gaetano. The young Arena has also performed all over the country and into Canada with a touring ballet written by her mom Sandy Arena where she was also a lead performer when the live show was adapted into feature film in conjunction with Verb Records that is now on Amazon Prime. Arena has also graced the Rochester Fringe Festival stage two times in the past two years with Mossa, and was additionally a featured actor in a YouTube video to the song This Time by John Elefante (former lead singer of Kansas) which has had over 400,000 views. Locally, she is a model with the Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency and has served as a runway model in Rochester with Toni Events, Rochester Woman Online and most recently Fashion Week of Rochester. Under the guidance of her “Momager” who is also her publicist and

event coordinator, this young teenager branched out her modeling work this past summer in New York City and walked in New York Fashion Week which she is booked to do again in February and September 2018. She will also model in Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia at the end of November for a charity fashion show. Arena entered the world of pageants when she was eight years old and has achieved many titles and much success. Among her most prestigious are: 2018 Miss New York Junior High School America; 2016 National American Miss Pre-Teen Third Runner Up Volunteer Service; 2016-2017 National American Miss Pre-Teen Miss Rochester; 2014 - 2015 National American Miss Jr. Pre-Teen Volunteer Service Second Runner Up; 2014 -2015 National American Miss New York Jr Pre-Teen Queen; and 2013 National American Miss New York Jr Pre-Teen Fourth Runner Up. She has also won many top five National American Miss New York Pre-Teen and Jr Pre-Teen optional placements in talent, photogenic, top model and casual wear modeling. Through her pageantry work, Arena created a community service platform and initiative called Happily Ever After that promotes positivity, kindness and volunteerism through social media advocacy, public speaking, kindness campaigns and through the example of volunteering. She has volunteered 1500 hours in the past five years, and earned one state pageantry role model award, two national awards for volunteering, as well as Special Mayoral Recognition from our Rochester, New York Mayor Lovely Warren. Recently we chatted with Arena about her life and work and share the conversation below. What would you like to be known for through all your experiences and work? I want to be known for being a kind person that lifts others up. This is why I created a community service platform called Happily Ever After promoting positivity and kindness. It is an important message to me because I believe a better world starts with kindness and volunteering. We can be kind by treating others how we want to be treated at all times. Once you are kind, hopefully other people will be kind which leads to a happy, better world. The national awards I have received for volunteering is a huge accomplishment for me because I love to volunteer. Where do you volunteer? Oh gosh, there are so many it is hard to list! Some of my favorite are Cobblestone Arts Center where I help teach dance to adults with disabilities, Dress for Success, many volunteer jobs fighting childhood cancer, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Locally, she is a model with the Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency and has served as a runway model in Rochester with Toni Events, Rochester Woman Online and most recently Fashion Week of Rochester.

nursing homes where I speak and dance and do fashion shows, and interning at my dance studio teaching pre-ballet to children ages two to five. I love it! I have done many more, and it would take a very long time to list them all. How does it feel to be Miss New York? It feels exciting and it’s honorable and surreal at times. Why did you start doing pageants? I started watching them on Toddlers and Tiaras when I was little, and I thought it would be fun. After I started though, I learned it was much more than you see on television, so I had to work hard and stick with it. What is the most valuable part of pageantry? For me, it is the lifelong skills I have learned and that is public speaking, interviewing and presenting myself professionally. It has helped me grow into the confident, poised girl I am today Would you recommend others get involved in modeling and pageantry? Yes I would. It has taught me lifelong skills. I have made a lot of friends. I think modeling goes neck and neck with it, and they are both great experiences. What was the hardest interview question you have ever had during competition? It was “What is the funniest thing that happened to you this weekend?” I don’t know why this was so hard for me except I went in there with the expectation that I would have more serious questions, and I think it threw me off my game to have a question that was so silly! It was good for me to lighten up, although in all honestly I didn’t answer it. I froze up and looked at the judge and said, “I just don’t know!” (she laughs) It was a slightly awkward and embarrassing situation. 118


What was your most significant pageant moment? The first time I was crowned Miss New York as a Junior Pre-Teen with National American Miss (NAM) in 2014. I started my pageantry journey with NAM, so they will always be special to me. Winning that first title was amazing to me. I was over the moon excited. When they called my name I felt pretty shocked. In the video I ran over to where they were going to crown me and I was so thrilled. It was an amazing feeling.

How prepare for pageants? I prepare by a lot by practicing interview questions. Interviewing is a big portion of pageants, so I strive to be perfect. Depending on the pageant and categories of competition, I practice my public speaking, and my walk for when I’m on stage. Also, we pick out outfits which in my opinion, is one of the most fun parts. What is your highest goal in pageantry? I know this an ambitious one, but one day I want to be Miss America. I think I can do that through hard work and keeping on the path I am on, and knowing my worth and just doing it. That would be a great dream because achieving that would make everything that I have done really connect. It would be an amazing accomplishment and I could help others. I want to help people and being Miss America would allow me to do that. Not that I am unable to help others on my own, but being Miss America will give me a bigger platform to do so and reach more people. What are you known for in pageantry, modeling and dance? Wearing my hair up! Some of my pageant friends say when they wear their hair up that they are wearing “Anna buns.” But mostly I always want to be known for being the kind of person that lifts others up. What is your favorite modeling experience? The first time I went to NYFW this past September. I modeled in the Society show for a designer called Eye Candy. It was incredible to me and will always have a special place in my heart for that experience! What is the prettiest item of clothing you have ever modeled? For the Lord and Taylor prom fashion show, I wore a two toned




{ ON THE WAY UP } “Perhaps one of the best ways to get inside the head of a 13 year old, 8th grade girl who has made a name for herself in the world of pageantry, modeling and dance here in Rochester, NY and beyond is to read her “personal introduction” – as it is known in pageant circles”

prom dress that was so pretty. I also wore a grey and white floral high low gown at the NAM Nationals Runway Competition that was voted in the Top Ten for Pre-Teen Fun Fashion by the Pageant Planet. That was quite a surprise and a huge honor for me! To this day, people always message my mom asking us where we bought it so I suppose I did my job as a model with it! How old were you when you started dancing? I was two years old! My mom opened a dance studio for my older sister when she was 13 that my sister owns now, so I was basically born into it. But, I have grown to love it and it has become one of the biggest parts of my life. Since your dance studio does full length ballets, what is the favorite role in dance you ever had? When I was Cinderella! That was my favorite role because I loved the character of how she rose above difficult situations and was always kind. She was definitely a role model of someone I want to be. Technically it was fun because it was my first show I was wearing pointe shoes, so that was a big step in my dance career. It was very classical which was something I had been training for since age two so that was very satisfying. Do you get nervous when you speak onstage in public? I am going to be honest and say I do get a bit nervous, but I think I enjoy it enough that the nerves do not outweigh the fun and it is a great feeling at the end of the speech when I know I did a great job on it. Where are some of the places you have spoken? I spoke at two professional sporting events here in New York. I have also spoken at schools, and at events benefiting pediatric cancer. I have spoken at pageants! I have done a lot of speeches for that. How old were you when you 120


did first public speech? I was eight years old at my first pageant, and my speech was about 15 seconds long, so it was a great start for me! Do you like homeschool? I do like it. I have been since first grade, so it’s something my mom and I have been doing together so that is important to me. Also, it gives me a super flexible schedule to achieve my goals with dance, pageantry and modeling while also maintaining my academic requirements. What is your favorite subject? Definitely math is my favorite subject because I like that there is a set of rules and following them is something I can work on and improve my skills through hard work. In a world where not everything is black and white, I like that math is!

What would you say to young ladies who want to get started in dance, pageantry and modeling? I would say go for it and reach for your dreams. You will definitely not regret it. Once you start, these opportunities will grow you as a person and you will gain so much for it. I would recommend it to anyone without a doubt. Who inspires you? I have many, but one of my inspirations is Karlie Kloss. She is one of the world’s greatest runway models which I aspire to be. I love her story. I have watched a lot of her YouTube videos have studied her technique to improve my own. She also shared one story I love that she went to her first NYFW experience wearing a dress from Target and she worked hard where she was and someone noticed her. That inspires me because I am a girl who has worn dresses from Target! Do you have any other role models? Audrey Hepburn because I adore her style and because she was an amazing model and actress! Most importantly, she was a humanitarian who was very kind and who volunteered a lot of her time. I love that about her. What do you aspire to be? So many things! I just want to be kind and I know I said this a million times. This is the most important thing a person can be. Like my platform spreading positivity and kindness, I really chose to live by my own words and be kind. Professionally, you need to work hard. There are so many people out there who want it as much as you do, so you have to work hard and set goals and constantly strive to achieve them. I believe if you can dream it, you can do it if you work hard. What is your career path? – I would love to have a modeling



right now. And with that, I also want to be an international business woman because first of all I love to travel and if I could make it to that position I could travel which would be a major plus for me. I want to specialize in the fashion industry and having my modeling experiences I would be successful with it. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you want to go? It would be Paris because it has always been a dream of mine because it is one of the fashion capitals of the world, and I would love to see that with my future goals in mind. And also I want to see the Eiffel Tower. Last but not least, I want to try all the food they have to offer there. It 122


all looks so good! What is your favorite quote? “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she is in hot water� by Eleanor Roosevelt. I like that quote because it puts an interesting perspective on women. I am a strong believer that woman can do anything, so it is inspiring to me. What do you do for fun? I like to read in my free time. And I love playing with my two dogs Kobe and Peanut. Finally, I like to spend time with my family and friends! What makes your generation of young ladies

special? We are a generation that has been taught that we are not anything less because we are women, and that we can do anything as good as the next person and that we are strong and capable people. What makes a woman strong? It is that she can be put in any situation and handle it with kindness and grace, and she can put her mind to something and achieve it no matter what it may be.

{ YOU CAN BE...! }


This month’s column focuses on how to be runway-ready. Regardless of your age, or your goals, being able to look and feel natural in the spotlight is an enviable quality. The advice in this column, while intended for runway modeling presentation, can easily be adapted to suit many situations where you want to express a strong sense of confidence in your movement and body language. RUNWAY MODELING Runway modeling is about putting poses into motion. Runway models show themselves, as well as clothing and/or products, to an audience. They present, pose and navigate the runway in a style or manner conducive to the promoted piece. Good runway models exude personality, confidence, style and grace with ease. How do they do it? This article will teach you. It will inform you about runway modeling, the components involved and the intricacies that make it work. POSING There is a difference between print posing and runway posing. Print poses give you

an image to hold onto until the next. Runway modeling/posing gives you a pleasant series of images - one blending into the next. WALKING Start with good posture. Get in to your stance. Roll it, Suck it and Tuck it! Now relax, but maintain the posture. (Please refer to my article in the October Edition of Rochester Woman Online for an explanation of the stance and pivots). • Step out with the front foot. 
 • Walk with one foot in front of the other.
 • Keep you shoulders back, your chin up (parallel to the floor) and eyes straight to the front, not looking down 
(then as you walk down the runway move your head evenly side to side so that everyone 
gets a good look at you.) • Distribute your weight evenly (don’t slouch, wiggle your hips or swing your arms). • When you walk, use your whole leg;

don’t just bend your knee. Keep your hips facing forward and use an even stride. • Establish a comfortable pace, not too fast and not too slow. 
 PRACTICE Practice is the key to success in any modeling endeavor. Practice will help build confidence. It will also teach you to think quickly on your feet, which can come in handy. Choose an area large enough to practice in which is free from distractions. Below is a routine to help you practice what you have learned. 1. Step onto the runway with the front foot. If you enter from the side use the foot furthest from the audience. Note - if you are wearing a long outfit that could “catch” as you step up gently “lift” or “slide” the material up high enough to clear the foot that is stepping up so that you don’t trip on it. Now get into your stance. 
 2. Do 2 poses. 
 3. Return to your stance. 


{ YOU CAN BE... } Runway modeling is about putting poses into motion. Runway models show themselves, as well as clothing and/or products, to an audience.

4. Begin walking. Step out with the foot that is in front and walk to the end of the runway. 
 5. Now stop, leaving a bit of room at the end. To stop, choose the foot that you want to be in front. Stop on it. Then, bring your back foot up behind it to make a stance.

“welcoming” expression and open body language. 
 • Don’t look down and don’t fidget.

7. Return to your stance. 
 8. Do a complete pivot (360°), or you can do a walk around. A walk around is literally, walking around in a circle, headed in the direction that your back foot is facing and completing that circle and then stepping into it. 9. Do 2 poses. 
 10. Return to your stance. 11. Pivot (180°).

13. You may now turn and leave or continue your practice by repeating steps 2-12. 
 Notes: • Always approach the runway with a

• Don’t be nervous and don’t get thrown off, if something unexpected happens. Remember, the audience doesn’t know what your n e x t m ov e i s supposed to be. • Remember to change expressions when you change poses.

6. Do 2 poses.

12. Walk back up the runway to the top, pivot (180°) and end up in your stance.

same direction (don’t change directions).

• Keep good eye contact with your audience. • Stay focused, anticipate your changes ahead and keep everything flowing. • When pivoting, keep turning in the

*A note about some of the differences in runway work. For instance, when a model works the runways of Paris, Milan or New York City, their principal job is to show off a collection. When you watch TV and see the models with expressionless faces wiggling down the runway, their arms swinging back and forth, you are watching a designer show (which displays a current collection). When a designer hires a model to show his or her line of clothes (collection) they select the most beautiful or handsome models that they can. Then they put the clothes on the model and have the model “work” the outfit. Because the audience knows the model is considered one of the most beautiful people in the world, their

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } And always, remember, be the ultimate professional, both behind the scenes and in front and don’t forget… have fun... and smile, smile, smile!

world, their eye is not distracted by their looks, but instead it goes to the outfit that is being presented. The model overemphasizes the movements to “sell” that outfit by showing off its many attributes. But in the smaller cities and markets, you are working for the stores, not the designers. You are giving the customer the illusion or dream, that by buying the outfit they are seeing on you, the model, that they’ll look as good as you do, in it. Be sure you show all the best features of the outfit and have lots of personality. But do not overdo it or act show-offish. And always, remember, be the ultimate professional, both behind the scenes and in front and don’t forget… have fun... and smile, smile, smile!

About the Author For most of my life I have been involved in the modeling industry. I began modeling at age 11 and worked my way to the very top of the industry. At age 19, I won the coveted title of Miss USA and went on to model for the prestigious Ford Agency. My career spans both sides of the business, both in front of the camera and behind it. I am the founder and CEO of The Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency, a company that is 30 years old. My role today, is as an agent and a coach, working with aspiring models and actors, as well as clients looking to improve their overall image. ### 128




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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Relatively new to New York within the past year, SeneGence is a woman-driven directsales company that began with the passion, dedication to high-quality products, and vision of CEO & Founder Joni Rogers-Kante in 1999.

Here’s How it Works: Our lip colors contain beautiful natural pigments that need to be shaken in the tube before applying. After a few seconds of prep, you are ready to apply your LipSense to clean, dry lips. The applicator for our liquid-color is a soft doe-foot wand – you remove as much of the excess product from the wand as you can… you want a very thin application. You then apply to your lips in one direction, without smearing or moving back and forth. After about 10-15 seconds, you do this again, and then once more, for a total of 3 layers. Why 3 layers? Our first layer bonds with your lip, the top layer faces the elements of the day, and the 2nd layer is sandwiched in between for vibrant all-day wear. 3 LAYERS ARE FUN! Did you know you can mix and match your layers to create UNIQUE COLORS, made BY YOU! Yes!! 3 colors actually makes a combination of 27 different, unique shades – and since each tube of LipSense is the equivalent of 4 tubes of traditional cream lipstick, you have endless time and possibilities! Once the top layer is dry, it’s TIME TO GLOSS! Our gloss comes in several shades, and seals the color to your lips, while infusing shea butter and natural emollients. Your lips are naturally healthier, more plump, and will be in their best shape! Other glosses and waxy “sticks” will not work the same way; They actually lift the color and block moisture. Consider this thought: You wax your car and moisture (rain) beads up on the surface, because it cannot penetrate…why put waxy products on your lips? They only keep the moisture OUT. Our glosses, whether worn alone or with our patented color system, will bring you the healthiest lips you’ve seen. How Do You Buy? As an Independent Distributor for SeneGence International (Yes! International… we are now in 132


upwards of 20 countries, including the US, Canada, Australia, & UK), I am able to take any order requests you have. I also have available for individual one-on-one demonstrations, group demos, fundraisers, vendor events, expos, and even online parties on social media. Whatever your need is, I can customize your experience to bring you my very best. I Am SeneGence As a health care professional of nearly twenty years, I am proud to affiliate with SeneGence, International. I believe the high-standard of excellence in ingredients, purpose, and customer care place them shoulders above in this industry. As a Distributor, I can tell you that the teamwork and professional sisterhood found amongst this motivated and growing group is unparalleled. I have been given all the tools that my team

and I need to succeed, and we are thoroughly enjoying ourselves while we bring excellence in anti-aging skincare and long-lasting makeup to women just like us. In addition to purchasing products, you can also become a Preferred Customer, and earn 20% - 50% off all products you purchase. This is how my journey with SeneGence began – I invested in an annual discount membership for myself after being introduced to this product in Maryland. Once family & friends saw the quality products I was using, and heard my happy testimonials (I’m always happy to share a good thing with a fellow girl-in-need!), my business was born. I have risen in personal rank quickly, since joining on April 27, and am reaching my personal goals & being rewarding kindly for doing such. This is an integrity-driven company that has one of the very best compensation plans in sales. Serendipity brought this great product to me – It’s quality and the success it gives me will help me achieve goals I had set for myself a decade from now! If you have any questions or are curious how you too can enjoy the SeneExperience, please reach out to me – I am available at the below resources. Join me on Facebook for special promotions, tips, demonstrations and live events! You’ll often find me with live specials and prizes to win, too! If you’d like monthly personal updates, I also have a newsletter I can send privately to your email! So many options, just for you! Email: LuxeLipsbyNicole@ Facebook Group: www.facebook. com/groups/luxelipsbynicole Pinterest & Instagram: Luxe Lips by Nicole


THE POP-UP BRAID BAR BY MINT SALON What is a barid bar? Basically you arrive with dry, (preferably) clean hair and they braid it. It’s that simple. Mint Salons braid specialist, Rachel Robach, will be hopping around Rochester at some of our favorite local shops and braiding your hair for you.! Ever wanted to try an advanced braid? Now’s your time! This new styling salon trend is picking up steam and we’re not complaining. Luckily, “Braid Bars” are popping up her in Rochester thanks to Mint Salon. So basically, you roll in to the salon (or in this case wherever Mint is popping up around town) with second-day hair -- it has better grip for styling -- and a stylist creates a gorgeous braided ‘do. Braids can be complicated to achieve on your own, so luckily, these artists can “pop them in” for you. You will leave with a killer look that’s equal to the price of a blow-out or less. The best news is that like a blow-out, a good braid can last more than a day. How much fun is this? check out the Mint Salon website and see where they will be popping up next.




Home of the

Pop-Up Braid Bars For the Rochester Community

Braid Bars at Happy Hours

Every other Thursday: January 18th - June 22nd (Locations announced online!)


CURE Childhood Cancer // Social @getminty // 585.461.9368









I sent Kelly Breuer a message the other day asking her what the theme for November was, and she told me it was about gift giving. I immediately messaged her back saying, “There’s no better gift than a bald beave.” She told me my response made her spit her drink out. I didn’t expect my answer to be that shocking, but her reaction made me laugh. I guess I’m so used to how my brain thinks that I often forget how people may react to my sense of humor. But it was the first thing that came to my mind.

The Happy HooHa

I doubt you know many people who would suggest a bald beave as a gift, but I bet my idea made you consider it as a possibility for just a fleeting second. If you’ve ever met me before, then I know you weren’t even remotely startled by my comment. Heck, I’ve even suggested that ladies get a wax, put a bow on it, and enjoy the gift that can keep on giving. If you’re wondering why I’m ranting about this topic, then you mustn’t know that I’m the self-appointed Brazilian Wax Queen in Rochester. I’ve spent a career honing my craft in the deep, dark nether regions of women’s vagina with a sense of humor. Now can you understand why I responded to Kelly that way? My reaction to the topic of gift giving, however, goes way beyond removing all your pubic hair and sharing that area with someone you love, like or just like fooling around with. For years, I have focused on giving the gift of time to the people I love, which can include or exclude the abovementioned body part. I encourage others to think outside the box (ha-ha, the puns never end!) and think of ways to spend time with the people they love instead of wasting time shopping for a gift. Tangible gifts are usually not the kinds of items you remember in years to come. Heck, sometimes I can’t remember what I gave or received months after an exchange. Nontangible gifts have the ability to provide memories that stay with us for a lifetime. I barely remember any of the Christmas gifts I received as a child. I know that Santa was generous, but there are very few gifts that I can remember with any clarity. However, I do remember the holidays

when we did things as a family. One year, we went to Puerto Rico for the Christmas Holiday when I was around six years old. That was a long time ago. My siblings and I may have gotten tangible gifts from our parents as well, but I distinctly remember the myriad of experiences from that trip that make me smile and fill my heart with love. When clients ask me for suggestions for gifts, they are always surprised by my response. I like to offer the idea of an overnight somewhere, a wine tour, or a hike or picnic at a new destination. I believe that your loved one’s would much prefer an experience with you than something non-emotional like a sweater. Buying a new sweater he or she can wear on your hike can be a considerate gesture, but just the sweater – unless it was homemade or had a special meaning - has never seemed right to me. I do think that offering a sweater to a homeless person is a generous and loving gesture. I also believe that volunteering your time with others in need is a priceless gift that will truly fill your heart with love. The gift of time trumps anything else. I understand that money can be an issue when the holidays roll around, so I have many other tantalizing ideas to share with you. I would much rather spend a romantic evening with my husband and receive a loving back rub as a gift than receiving something like a robe or, God forbid, a toaster. Life is short. Make people not things your priority. We get so wrapped up in our busy lives (and don’t forget our electronic devices) that we are sacrificing time with the people who make our life worth living. So I quipped about a bald beave to Kelly, but there is a reason for that. Feeling sexy and sharing that sexy feeling is much more important than any gift you can buy your romantic love interest. Treat yourself and your loved ones to a memory. You’ll find that the experience will give you even more lasting joy than The Happy HooHa – although us ladies never take The Happy Hoo-Ha for granted.





Mary Bushey is no stranger to Rochester Woman Online. Mary, the owner of Mario’s Salon located on Monroe Avenue, is Diva One’s (Cheryl L. Kates Benman, editor) stylist. She is the hairdresser responsible for the bright red locks. She is always on hand at the fashion shows and events. Mary was also the bar manager at Taylor’s Night Club. What you might not know, is Mary is a third-generation stylist. Her father, an immigrant, worked his way up to own his own salon (Mario’s). Mary wanted to make her own name for herself but ended up working at the family business. She started as the shampoo girl and manicurist. Mary knew as early as age 4, styling was her calling. She remembers how she used to cut her Barbie doll’s hair. It was always her goal to be a business owner and she loved helping



people with fashion and make up. Mary has owned Mario’s Salon for 18 years now. She worked at Mario’s with her father for 15 years before that. When he died, Mary felt it was the natural thing to do to continue the family legacy. She took over the salon. For the first two years, she left everything as it was. 6 years ago, Mary gutted the entire salon and made it her own.

to look at Marilyn every day and know that this is her inspiration. She shares this with her customers. These pictures are Mary’s definition of what beautiful is; Sassy but Classy. “Marilyn Monroe didn’t have to show off her body parts, she made her own beauty”.

In the salon, you will see iconic photos of Marilyn Monroe. Mary admired Marilyn because she was an icon of beauty. Her beauty was not defined because she was thin, or because she was blonde. Marilyn came from Norma Jean, to be the most well-known face ever. She lived and died doing things the way she wanted. She knew how to live in a Man’s world. Mary has the images in the shop to partially allow her

She shares that the difference between me and other people is I don’t believe in doing things on a set schedule or certain time-frame. I do not schedule my customers every three weeks for a service. I schedule them when they need things. I will tell someone you don’t need a haircut. If I don’t feel what they are asking for is healthy for their hair, I will not perform the service. It’s not just about the money.

Mario’s Salon is in a world of its own. Mary’s work ethic is impeccable.




{ WOMAN ENTREPRENEUR } “Unfortunately, currently, women have to possess an outer persona to be taken seriously or looked at in any type of position. When a woman feels comfortable in her own skin and is put together, she will feel confident.”

I also do shut in service on Mondays. I have a lot of clients who can no longer drive or are in a health-care setting etc. I feel my services will help them feel better about themselves. It is a pride to look good. A person should not lose their pride just because they have gotten older and this is why I do this. I don’t do it because it’s just a job, it’s because it’s a passion”! Mary talks about how much she loves her job by saying, “I love my job. I like being able to connect with so many different people. People from all walks of life, from different genders, races, and backgrounds. My shop is eclectic. I love being creative and making people beautiful, through my art I have crafted to perfection. My whole career is a great experience to me, I have met and worked with world renowned stylists. I love to teach my trade to the younger stylists. I also love sharing new trends in my column at Rochester Woman with our readers. Perfecting your craft is a great achievement but also sharing those skills and experiencing the feeling of teaching others is very rewarding”. Mary shares about who inspired her to become the woman she is. She attributes it was not just one person. She says,“My grandparents were hard-working, honest and strong. They were the leaders of the family. I come from a family of immigrants who came to the US and worked their way up to be business owners. They achieved the American Dream. My father always kept learning and striving to be better. I gained all of my positive qualities by watching my family provide a stellar example and this is why, I am the woman I am today”.

Beauty is a concept which is different for everyone. As they say, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”.

man is distinguishable. If you gain weight you have let yourself go, if men gain weight they’ve gotten comfortable. It is a double standard”.

Mary discusses beauty as a conceptby telling us, “Unfortunately, currently, women have to possess an outer persona to be taken seriously or looked at in any type of position. When a woman feels comfortable in her own skin and is put together, she will feel confident. This society teaches us, if you are grey you are old, but a

Mary is also a manager in the entertainment industry. She tells Rochester Woman, “Being a manager in this industry is much more challenging. As a woman, a lot of the people you meet think you are a push over. It’s fun. You meet a lot of people. Once you gain people’s respect, it is amazing the loyalty people show. It is a different learning curve. Being in the entertainment industry, I began as a bar back and worked my way up as manager, and then as part of the promotion team. I learned through working with a variety of people including DJs, promoters and employees how we can all work together to help the team function. Working in the industry there is times when losses are experienced do to uncontrollable factors and to see the team stick together is amazing despite disappointments and this is very meaningful to me”. Mary is the example of a diversified woman. She owns her own business. She stays active in the community, through Rochester Woman events and loves to see people smile. Mary treats her employees like family. It is a breath of fresh air to see someone with the work ethic she exhibits and the commitment she has in everything she does. Mary Bushey is a woman we celebrate.




Kind Crepes Introducing Kind Crepes owned by Joel Robinson and Jamie Borgesen, a vegan and gluten free creperie. Today, I took a very pleasant drive to Honeoye Falls, NY to visit with Joel and Jamie to taste some of their wonderful crepes. They were full of many fresh ingredients and tasted great. This couple passionately serves vegan and gluten free crepes as the main medium involved in their dishes. Years of working at a farm from youth, through college gave Joel a strong love for fresh produce being on his table. Finishing college, Joel started to work in the cardiology Cath lab as an imaging technologist for Strong Memorial Hospital, where he met Jamie, also working in the Cath lab. Something special was apparent between the two of them. They were married in 2017, and are now raising Jamie’s two biological children. Joel became a vegetarian a few years back, then several months ago he and Jamie decided to become full vegans. The couple came up with the concept of starting a vegan and gluten free creperie when they were searching for a simple business plan that they could develop and own together. That decision became reality when they started Kind Crepes. Jamie describes the early days of their venture, before settling into their restaurant building as a “traveling creperie” due to their involvement in off sight catering. Have you gone or want to go vegan and know some people that are on the fence about it? Or maybe you just need a kick start for yourself

and your family. Give Joel and Jamie a call, for catering. They will come to you and cook crepes right in front of you, with fresh ingredients! They were very informative at explaining the substitutions for their recipes. Having them come to cater, might be just what you and your friends and family need to see how creative, yet simple it can be to convert. Kind Crepes will also bring along pre-made hors d’ oeuvres, when requested! Kind Crepes handles small or large events. When deciding to open a restaurant with vegan and gluten free crepes, it was to fill a void in the restaurant industry in our area. Jamie having celiac disease, made the decision to go gluten free, a no brainer. They targeted crepes as the main medium involved right at the very beginning of this new wave of creperies, but I believe being all vegan and gluten free will set them apart from others. When searching in the area, there were a few logistic problems finding just the right location. They wanted to find a building with enough space in it to carry out their plans, and live above it. That proved to be harder than they thought it would be. Finally, they found space in a fitness center named Studio Move in Mendon, New York on 16 Ionia Road, owned by Chris Brush. Since people’s goals are becoming healthy and fit, at the fitness center, it was a great match! The fitness center has a health code licensed kitchen, that was ready to be used, along with extra space that the owner is leasing to them. Their plan to live above will have to wait.




Have you gone or want to go vegan and know some people that are on the fence about it? Or maybe you just need a kick start for yourself and your family. Give Joel and Jamie a call, for catering. They will come to you and cook crepes right in front of you, with fresh ingredients! Jamie and Joel love to go on art trail tours. Eventually they met a gentleman, Jim Tucker, of Industrial Rustic, that makes rustic wood tables in which they decided to include in on the character of their restaurant. I sat at one of those tables while tasting their crepe fare and loved it. It gave such a classic comfy earthy feeling, which will fit into the fitness building, Studio Move, an old converted fire hall with brick walls, large garage doors, the works! Extra space in the fitness center features a gift shop, named The Mendon Coop, offering up the works of several artists, from the area. Add visiting the shop when coming to enjoy the creperie. Gluten free, eliminates wheat from recipes. Vegan recipes eliminate any ingredient that is animal based. It gets as intense as not using honey, because honey comes from bees! You will get no meat, dairy; cheese, butter, cream, eggs in a vegan diet. Joel and Jamie spend many waking hours developing their recipes, and are still creatively adding to their list of growing tasty offerings. Some of the substitutes used by the creperie are coconut milk, and olive oil, which substitutes for eggs and butter. Kind Crepes was recently catered at the Swain Beer Festival on October twenty first, in Swain, New York. Serving approximately 100 plates,

they had several repeat customers, trying another offering. Joel said, “some people, as they were leaving, unsolicited, yelled over from the parking lot, how much they enjoyed their crepe dishes!� It was a great experience for them! Today I tasted four crepes, and a chocolate cheesecake. Jamie even offered me a fresh squeezed glass of carrot, ginger, and apple juice. Refreshing! I was informed that the crepe choices may change with the seasons. I was surprised as to how aeriated the crepes were. Jamie loves those tiny air holes in her crepes. The coconut milk flavor is lightly noticeable in the crepes. They serve savory and dessert crepes, which are all generously filled! Tofu Scramble was the breakfast crepe served. Filling included kale, mushrooms, peppers, shallots, garlic, and paprika. I would eat that crepe any day for breakfast! Phat Phet crepe with a Thai accent, had a spicy flair that was packed with a yummy filling of a red curry coconut sauce, carrots, radishes, zucchini, green beans, bean sprouts, and bell peppers. Very tasty and will certainly satisfy those who like heat in their food. Another plate I sampled was called Mexican Fare. Since I love avocado and cilantro, I considered

this fabulous! Enjoy this crepe choice filled with crunchy red cabbage, cherry tomatoes, guacamole, re-fried beans-made from black beans in an enchilada sauce, and a cashew herb spread, all made fresh of course! The crepe was then topped with an avocado, lime cilantro sauce. Delicious! Apple Crisp crepe for dessert. This crepe was filled with cooked gala apples in which the skin was left on. Joel wants to serve whole foods, served as natural as possible. There was a sauce that the apples were embraced in, consisting of coconut cream, vanilla extract, and Stevia. These crepes were topped with a crumble of rolled oats with brown sugar. Very tasty! Given to take home, was a package with Chocolate Cheesecake. Of course, I sampled some in front of them. This is a dark chocolate tasting, dense vegan style cheesecake, topped with a few fresh blackberries and sliced strawberries. Tofu is the main base to this dessert. It was not too sweet, very satisfying to a chocolate lover! Kind Crepes, serves brunch every Sunday, from 7:00 am till 1:00 pm and throughout the week. Check in on their web site, www.kindcrepes. com, or, to see days of operation. Contact them if interested in catering an event for you or your organization.



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It took many years for me to be able to sit back, smile and claim happiness. When I realized my life was finally going in the direction of choice, I packed my past in dozens of metaphorical bags and left them at the metaphorical train station, never to be retrieved. A kind husband who loved my family as his own, grown girls following their dreams, grandkids I adored and who adored me back. An early retirement from a wonky career path and now the freedom and flexibility to work in whatever capacity pleased me. Happiness, stability, comfort, security. All that was missing was the “… and they lived happily ever after.”

Within a week he had endured surgery, bouts of speech difficulties, mobility problems and swallowing difficulties. The primary focus was now Glioblastoma Multiforme Stage 4, or GBM4. Before the doctors had been able to educate me I had turned to a best friend, Mr. Google, who informed me this was one of the worst cancers – unpredictable, very aggressive and incurable. Incurable…

chef, maid, chauffeur and personal assistant.

Post surgery found my husband on the Neurological Rehab Unit, learning to walk

I wish someone had told me 40 years ago that it wasn’t a college education that should be my primary focus, it should be my network. Only over the last ten years or so have I realized this and worked diligently to define and build my network. It is filled with veterans (my husband is retired US Army), medical staff (I worked over 20 years in the healthcare field, in administrative roles), direct sales reps (commonly moms with children chasing happiness and stability like me) and a myriad of acquaintances gathered through the years. Many were local and just as many lived out of state. Each was in my network for a reason. Each was and is important to me.

Thursday, lunch at home with hubby. Normal day. I was just sitting down when he started to ask me a question, then stopped abruptly. I sat and waited, puttering with the food on my plate. His words came again, fewer, odd-sounding, then stopped. I turned, sensing something wrong, that edgy, awkward feeling creeping in to my stomach. His eyes were bulbous, staring through me, hands shaking. He was unable to speak and unable to turn his eyes toward me as I spoke his name. My fingers were already pushing 9-1-1 on the phone as I told him I was calling the ambulance. Fast forward a mere 6 hours. Hospital emergency department, post grand mal seizure. I anticipated a diagnosis of stroke. We were both aging, after all, retired folks who continued to work as we wished, loved to travel and in general loved life. I did not hear the word stroke, nor TIA, nor heart attack. Instead I heard, “Your husband has a mass in his brain. We are ordering an MRI to further identify the type of mass and admitting him for observation.” 148


safely, and ascertain deficiencies in his speech, mobility and cognitive abilities. Three weeks later he was home. And me? Well, my world resembled a snow globe turned upside down and I was running everywhere and doing everything, trying to find some semblance of order and routine, scheduling numerous appointments, driving more than most Uber drivers and in general being nurse, secretary,

What happened to my life? The happiness vanished, the stability vaporized, comfort out the window and security seriously in question. My mission became clear – round these critters up and regain my former status despite the uncertain year (estimated) ahead of me. I turned to my network.

When I divulged what was going on in my life, the support surged toward me. Prayers, good wishes, comments of confidence in my strength and ability to manage what was necessary, pledges of assistance as needed. It was somewhat overwhelming, but I treasure every comment. The daughters I raised as a single mom became my caregivers, watching over me to insure I was taking care of me, reminding me or nudging me if I started sacrificing pieces of myself, helping me remember priorities and journeying with me through the realities I



{ SHIFT+CONTROL } “My husband has brain cancer. Glioblastoma Multiforme Stage IV. I was doing a great job wearing all my hats, then this past summer this ugly diagnosis was verbalized and my hats toppled, littering my world.”

treasure every comment. The daughters I raised as a single mom became my caregivers, watching over me to insure I was taking care of me, reminding me or nudging me if I started sacrificing pieces of myself, helping me remember priorities and journeying with me through the realities I face. Tom’s children stood beside me in the hospital, too, and offered support. There is none of the “step” philosophy faced by many families. We have a strong bond as well and they are ready to and have helped as needed. The strength of this network is my strength. I armed myself with education of this nasty cancer, of current treatments and even those alternative therapies should they become necessary. I continue to work my part time jobs with the full support of my coworkers and managers, fortunate to be able to work from home with a flexible schedule. There are still a couple things I would like to be able to do, and I will work on those as I am able. I remain strong and confident in my ability to complete this journey with the support of my network. Stability, comfort and security are within my reach again. And happiness? Well, it’s defined a bit differently these days, but I have happiness. I feel a bit like Bartholomew Cubbins, the character of Dr. Seuss fame, who had 500 hats on his head. I jump from task to task, appointment to appointment, yet never reach the one that ends my day with time left over for me. This is my journey for now, the path I am meant to travel, with my husband and 150


we will see it to the end. I will cherish the positive, defy the negative, and continue to move forward. My life is richer for everything I have experienced and I am the woman you see because of my journey thus far. I can only imagine what is yet to come. I wear many hats. It’s true. Though at this point in my life I feel like Bartholomew Cubbins, a character in a Dr. Seuss tale. For whichever role I am in at any given moment, that particular hat is on top. Seconds later my role may change

and the hats are seamlessly switched. This is my daily routine. As you might imagine, now in my sixties I have accumulated a tall stack of hats. From wife, mother, grandma, sister, aunt, great aunt, cousin, in-law, stepmom (with those accompanying in-law and other distinctions), coworker, friend, network contact – you get the idea. Those are relationships and though there is a hat for each, the millinery conundrum is based on my experiences and skillset acquired throughout my life. These hats are far more numerous and there are people in my life that are incredibly dependent on me when I wear the hat they need. Mom, Grandma remain at the top of my list. Vying for the top is that of Wife and Patient Advocate/ Personal Assistant/Social Secretary/ Chauffeur. My husband has brain cancer. Glioblastoma Multiforme Stage IV. I was doing a great job wearing all my hats, then this past summer this ugly diagnosis was verbalized and my hats toppled, littering my world. It has taken these last months to sort and reassemble my metaphorical hat collection and regain a semblance of the confident, sometimes bold, independent, empowered woman I enjoyed seeing in the mirror each day. I have worked harder than ever before in my life, though if you know me well enough you have had a peek into that baggage now stored at the train station. Traumas, toxic relationships, homelessness and more. Yet, I did it. I am, once again, ME. I go from challenging the decision of a clinical provider, citing resources gleaned from those clinical providers in my network. The realization strikes this provider that what I say makes sense




{ IN HER OWN WORDS } “Mom, Grandma remain at the top of my list. Vying for the top is that of Wife and Patient Advocate/Personal Assistant/Social Secretary/Chauffeur.”

and they capitulate, agreeing with my choice for my husband’s care even though it means reduced revenue for their organization. Then my hats automatically switch as I review emails, answering questions from a coworker (one hat), an acquaintance of my husband’s about meeting for coffee (two hat), dinner arrangements with a relative (red hat), or touching base with one of our Dallas daughters (blue hat). Oddly enough, this entire routine energizes me. Some afternoons I find myself gasping for air, holding back the tears, feeling the exhaustion creep in. Then, as they always do, one of my girls sends a text either checking on me or offering a silly quote or meme they found. The pile of hats stabilizes and I am refreshed, ready to continue on. I wish someone had told me 40 years ago that there was something I could work on during my



life that would be vastly more important that a college education. Networking. Everything I learned, everything I know, everything I believe has been reinforced by my network. I doubt they even know how vital they are to me, how much I cherish each of them for their contributions to my life and my knowledge. I couldn’t wear all these hats without them. They may seem to sit idle for a time, then all of a sudden they are there helping me with a particular hat on my head as I need it. Whether a prayer, a good vibe, a single word or photo – it all supports me. So, if you are in my network, you have my eternal gratitude. You are so very important to me and for me. Every single one of you – well, okay, except one of two of you I can’t seem to shake. But even you are important, for you remind me to remain kind to all, non-judgmental and open to everyone’s ideas and beliefs even if different than my own. Look for my hats

next time we meet. You may not see them immediately, but ask me a question, show me you need compassion, consolation or comfort and you will know when my hat changes. Ask a question about my work or my direct sales business and it will again change before your very eyes. For now, my writer hat is on top. I love to have written and I love to share my thoughts. This is perhaps my tattered hat for I labor over word choices and spelling and punctuation. I want it to be just what you need and want to hear. Oops, husband needs something (switching hats) – gotta run!




WELLS COLLEGE HONORS TWO GRADUATES WITH ITS HIGHEST AWARDS Wells College, a liberal arts college in Aurora, New York, boasts a strong alumni network of more than 7,000 women and men who have gone onto incredible careers. These individuals not only retain a strong connection to Wells through their lives—but they continue to give back, helping the College and its students reach ever greater success. This year, the College’s Association of Alumnae and Alumni honored two of its most distinguished graduates with its most prestigious awards. The 2017 Alumnae and Alumni Award was given to Patricia Danz Stirnemann ’67 for her contributions to the field of art history, and Christin Schaaf ’99, a dedicated volunteer who is also an award-winning training manager, received the 2017 Young Alumni Award for Outstanding Achievement.

Alumnae and Alumni Award Winner: Patricia Danz Sitrnemann ’67 The Wells College Association of Alumnae and Alumni (WCA) has granted the 2017 Alumnae and Alumni Award to Patricia Danz Stirnemann ’67 for her contributions to the field of art history, specifically in the area of medieval French and English illuminated manuscripts. The award was given during a special ceremony as part of Wells’ Reunion weekend on Saturday, June 3, 2017 in Phipps Auditorium of Macmillan Hall. Stirnemann has spent decades as a scholar, researcher, collaborator and supportive influence on the work of countless art historian colleagues and students. Her work centers around the history of illuminated manuscripts and covers the entire Middle Ages from 700 to 1600 A.D., with specific expertise on the 12th and 13th centuries in England and France. By exploring and

identifying aspects such as penwork, style, layout and original owner of these documents—which predate the printed book and contain much of our ancient and medieval literature and records—we can better understand world history and the way that knowledge was prepared and preserved. Stirnemann’s professional life has been dedicated to exploring, identifying and localizing these documents. She has worked with the Bibliothèque nationale de France, earned a lifetime appointment at the Institut de Recherche et d’Histoire des Textes in Paris, documented and catalogued manuscript collections including those of the Academy of Science in Saint Petersburg and the Château de Chantilly, discovered and reconstructed many medieval monastic libraries, designed and prepared numerous public exhibitions and more. During her acceptance speech, she shared, “In a field like that of 12th- and 13th-century manuscript studies, when there are so few names and at least 50% of the manuscripts no longer exist, true research is figuring out what is not known but knowable. What are the right questions to ask? What new ways can we

devise for dating and placing manuscripts for identifying their original owner, for reconstructing history? During my 40 years of cataloguing several thousand books and creating close chronological and geographical histories for script and ornament in French and English manuscripts, I have found that I can reconstruct places of production, recognize private and monastic libraries, and identify the makers and owners of books, which allows me to enter their minds and listen to their thoughts.” After receiving her degree in art history from Wells, Stirnemann earned a master’s and doctorate from Columbia University. She has lived in Paris since 1975.

Young Alumni Award for Outstanding Achievement Winner: Christin Schaaf ’99 The Wells College Association of Alumnae and Alumni selected Christin L. Schaaf ’99 to receive the 2017 Young Alumni Award for Outstanding Achievement. The honor recognizes Schaaf’s professional successes and demonstrated commitment and connection to Wells. The award was given on Saturday, October 14, during a dinner and ceremony that took place during the College’s Fall Weekend. As a Senior Compliance Manager with Ameriprise Financial, Schaaf oversees training for the firm’s advisors and 35,000 employees in the United States and India. Her responsibilities include assuring compliance with the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority’s annual “Firm Element” training requirements as well as preparing to implement new Department of Labor rules for four of the firm’s brokerdealers. In 2015, Schaaf was an Ameriprise Chairman’s Award for Excellence honoree. Schaaf has also spent countless volunteer hours volunteering ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


{ GETTING EDUCATED } Wells College, a liberal arts college in Aurora, New York, boasts a strong alumni network of more than 7,000 women and men who have gone onto incredible careers. These individuals not only retain a strong connection to Wells through their lives—but they continue to give back, helping the College and its students reach ever greater success.

on behalf of Wells. She has sponsored student interns, spoken with the campus community at career development panels, kept up with her classmates as class reunion chair and class fundraising chair, served on the WCA Board and is currently the Vice President for Reunion. She is based in Minneapolis, where she serves as president of the Wells Club of Minnesota. “Christin exemplifies what a powerful impact a Wells education has on you. She is a successful, award-winning, and sought-after training manager, and her passion and dedication to Wells and the Wells community is inspiring and



commendable,” said Amy Cerand McNaughton ’86, President of the WCA. “She knew before graduating from Wells how important alumni involvement is for the college and for its students, and has mentored countless students and alumni.” Since the award’s establishment in 2014, the WCA has given each honor in the name of another alumna who came before. This year we recognize Janet Taylor Reiche ’52. Reiche is an effective leader and exemplary volunteer. She has actively served Wells since graduation in various capacities such as President of the WCA, committee roles in every campaign

since the 1980s, and as a leader of her class. In 1989, Reiche was the first woman and the first alumna to be named Chair of the Wells College Board of Trustees. She received the Alumnae Award in 1996 for “service to Wells and Community,” and remains a dedicated, active volunteer to this day. Learn more about both awards at To learn more about Wells College, visit, or find us on Facebook, Twitter (@wellscollege) or Instagram (@wells_college).

Wells College Our career-focused liberal arts and sciences curriculum, integrated hands-on learning, and active student life are all designed to cultivate your strengths and challenge your intellect. Located in beautiful Aurora, New York — just 90 minutes from downtown Rochester!

• 50+ academic programs to fit your needs • 98% of students receive merit scholarships or financial aid, and many qualify for both • Cross-registration agreements with many other local private and community colleges

• Internships around the country and study abroad around the world • Beautiful lakeside location

• Weekly arts and cultural events • 16 NCAA DIII athletic teams

(315) 364-3266

• Fitness center and pool






JUMP START THE HOLIDAYS…55 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS Some people get annoyed when merchants begin putting out the Christmas stuff and it is not even Halloween. Not me! Let the countdown begin. Those who know me know, I am the shopping discount queen. I am very frugal in spending my money, but I like the finer things in life, but want to be able to afford them. So, I decided to share some of my holiday shopping tips with you. 1. Make a list of who you must shop for and keep an itemized list of the inventory you have this will keep you from buying extra stuff. 2. I believe in shopping on Thanksgiving. Diva 2 and I developed a holiday shopping strategy we engage in every Thanksgiving. We hit the stores on Thanksgiving Day and grab some of the doorbuster deals. Last year, I was the lucky Diva and when we stopped at JC Penney’s. Coupons were handed out at the door and I got the $ 99.00 coupon. Also, always check the store’s websites for coupons. 3. We always go to the outlet mall. The perfume stores/counters usually have gift sets. There is usually a gift offer like a duffle bag or accessory. Some stores offer manager’s specials where you get a discounted item after you make a purchase. Check the newspaper circulars for the deals! 4. Kay Jeweler’s always offers 2 promotional items around Black Friday. They’re usually $19.99. This is a nice grab for any females you have on your gift list. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. GUYS, DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT, BUY HER A TOASTER OR VACUUMN CLEANER 5. Clearance racks often have treasures. Dig through. 6. Kmart in Victor is going out of business. Prices are at 50% off or higher on most items!!! 158


7. Grab a ticket to one of the holiday shows, A Christmas Carol is always playing at Geva Theater. Stop by the Garden Factory and see the trains. Take a drive at night appreciate the decorated houses. Don’t miss seeing Santa. WHAT’S THE HYPE ABOUT BLACK FRIDAY? Are there really deals on Black Friday? Ever get to the store and the quantities are so limited? Back Friday was originally tagged

for a day when the stock market crashed in 1869(1). The term was originally given to the day after Thanksgiving, by police in Philadelphia; describing how chaos erupted around the retail areas (1). Black Friday stuck in the retail world. Now this time-period elapsed into a four-day event, including Small Business Saturday/ Sunday and Cyber Monday. VENDOR SHOWS/VENDOR INFO Shop at Rochester Woman’s vendor’s

Some people get annoyed when merchants begin putting out the Christmas stuff and it is not even Halloween. Not me! Let the countdown begin.

on December 10, 2017, or one of our 3 upcoming Diva’s Nites before the holidays. We will be at Comedy at the Carlson on November 29th, Salon Bella Vita in Pittsford on December 5th, 585 Rockin Burger Bar on December 13th and our final last minute shopping nite on December 20th at the Boutique Studio in Webster. Check our Facebook page for information. We are offering a variety of dates for opportunities to come out and grab great

gifts for everyone on your gift list. Also, we have a spotlight on our vendors where they can post a unique item for consideration in Fab Finds and a post your info list (vendors post links to website). These two threads on our timeline will provide a one-stop shopping experience. So, check it out!!!

There are health and beauty items, trips, restaurant offerings and products! Some of the discounted items include blue tooth karaoke microphones ($19.99); nights at Del Lago casino ($90.00); couple’s massages at Balance spa ($91.00) and much more!

GROUPON Do not sleep on Groupon. There are always awesome deals. I scored tickets to the Buffalo Bills game for $60.00.

GIFT CARDS Everyone loves a special gift but if you are mailing gifts to family out of town, skip the extra postage. Buy a gift card. Amazon offers a wide-selection of things for purchase. Buying gift cards also ensure the person you are buying for can buy what they like, especially if you have teen-agers. Don’t be the gift-giver who is remembered for buying that “Ugly Sweater”. Most salon’s and spas, restaurants and move theaters sell them. PHOTO GIFTS Photo gifts are very personal. What better way to always remember something? Remember that special date night? Or Happy Hour with your girlfriends? There’s always that one great selfie. Memorialize it. Walgreens has lots of photo gifts and if you watch the sales sometimes at as much as 75% off. I’ve ordered canvas prints, wood plaques and magnets for Christmas presents. Stop in Michael’s, grab an embellished frame or make your own. Some stores online have snow globes. Whatever your gift list is, use the tools we have at Rochester Woman Online to assist in your efforts. Our vendors have some unique finds. Always remember, don’t lose sight of the true meaning of the holidays, spending quality time with the ones you love. RESOURCES 1. Pruitt, S. (2015) What’s the Real History of Black Friday, Retrieved October 20, 2017 from ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017












The holidays have snuck up on us once again and you have a list of people you have to buy for. Some are easier than others to figure out what they would enjoy as a gift, but there are others that leave you scratching your head about what you should get them. I say give them the gift of health. There isn’t a single person that I know who would walk away from a gift card for a massage, acupuncture, reiki, facials, or body wraps. Healing Massage Retreat has all of that and more. Now the all-encompassing question is do you buy a dollar amount or do you pick out a service that you think they would enjoy? So here is a rundown of what Healing Massage Retreat offers and each is good for. • Swedish Massage: Is a massage designed for relaxation, improved mood, improved sleep, improved blood circulation. Helps with mild muscle aches and pains as well. Light to Firm Pressure. • Deep Tissue Massage: is a massage that has a deep pressure that is designed to help with chronic muscle pain. This is a deep pressure with a more treatment based focus massage • Hot Stones Massage: A deeply relaxing full body experience that combines penetrating heat and soothing manual massage. LightFirm pressure. • C o l d St o n e s : Provides a deep state of relaxation, a release of tension, a reduction of swelling and inflammation due to trauma or injuries to muscles. • Hot Stone/Cold Stone Massage: You get the best of both worlds. Hot and cold. Each has their own unique 164


healing qualities, but they are even better when combined. The hot and cold play off of one another to speed up the healing process. • Back, Neck & Shoulder Massage: This massage is designed for those who have chronic back, neck and shoulder issues. This massage can be a medium to deep pressure. • Hot Stone Facial Massage: The hot stones allow the facial muscles to relax • Cool Lift Facial Massage: Both hot and cold stones are used to give the client a temporary “face lift” that can last up to 3 days. • Migraine Cold Stone Facial Massage: Colds stones help relieve the inflammation and pressure of the face to help relieve a migraine or headache. • Detoxifying Cellulite Massage: Helps flush out toxic waste and helps smooth out the dimples in the skin caused by the fat tissues of the abdomen, back, glutes and legs. • Manual Lymph Drainage: A gentle massage that encourages the natural drainage of the

lymphatic system. Can be used as a full body detoxifying massage or for treatment after plastic surgery either elective or because of cancer treatments. • Prenatal Massage: This is a massage designed for pregnant women. It helps with stress, pain, sleeping, and many other issues that women suffer from while pregnant. • Craniosacral Therapy: A form of body work using gentle touch to manipulate the synarthrodial joints of the cranium, spine and pelvis. • Myofascial/Trigger Point Release Therapy: treats skeletal muscle immobility and pain by relaxing contracted muscles, improving blood and lymphatic circulation, and stimulating the stretch reflex in muscles. Fascia is a thin, tough elastic type of connective tissue that wraps most structures within the human body, including muscles. Trigger Points are hyperirritable spots in the fascia and muscle. Dr. Janet Travell mapped out all of the trigger points and their pain referral pattern. • Thai Herbal Ball Massage: A method of treatment that employees traditional Thai medicine. The herbal ball applies heat to the Sen Sib Lines (similar to the Traditional Chinese Medicine Meridians), acupressure points and joints. Thai Massage has been around for over 3000 years. It is an ancient art form that is used in treating physical ailments, enhancing relaxation and rejuvenation. • Tr i p l e Tre a t Massage: 60 Minute or 90 Minute session that encompasses a hot stones on the back, full body Swedish massage and aromatherapy.

• Acupuncture: Acupuncture has a wealth of benefits. Acupuncture can promote healing, boost immunity, support physical, mental and emotional health, and improve overall body function and wellness. It is a gentle, safe, painless an effective way to treat a variety of health concerns: Allergies, Headaches, Anxiety, Asthma, Tinnitus, Hypertension, Vertigo, Cold and Flu, Neck and Back Pain, Fertility Issues, Cessation of Smoking, Weight Loss, and much more. • Cupping: Applying a small glass cup to the skin on certain acupoints or channels by creating a vacuum causing the skin to seal to it. The vacuum created draws blood, Qi and lymph to the area to promote circulation and healing, along a channel pathway or muscle group. • Acupuncture Facial Rejuvenator: A

nonsurgical, painless way to lessen the appearance of fine lines as well as deep wrinkles. It increases blood and lymph to the face and stimulates the body’s natural anti-aging powers. • Facials: Skin care treatment that helps all different kinds of skin issues. Facials include steam, exfoliation, extractions, creams, lotions, facial masks, peels and light massage. There are also LED Light Facials as well • Body Contouring Wraps and Scrubs: There are many kinds of body wraps and scrubs. They all have their own different healing qualities for the skin and body. • Reiki: A form of therapy that helps improve the flow of life energy in a person. • Waxing: You can choose from waxing your armpits to a full body waxing.

Healing Massage Retreat offers a wide range of services that can be used as a truly therapeutic treatment to relieving everyday stress. They work with muscles, skin and the energies of the body. There prices range from $35 to $200 and sessions of 30 minutes up to 3 hours. There are also package deals for pretty much every service, just have to ask about some of them. Buying 3 60 Minutes Swedish Massages is $150 ($30 savings). 3 Body Contouring sessions is $240 ($30 savings). Acupuncture & Treatment Massage For $135. Swedish Massage & Facial for $99. Just to name a few of the package deals available. Check out Healing Massage Retreat on facebook and their website www.healingmassageretreat. com for specials and deals. Look forward to Black Friday Deals and the 12 Days of Christmas. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017




The holidays are right around the corner, and I am sure you hear those bells jingle around the corner. I LOVE the holiday season and LOVE LOVE LOVE Holiday fashion. But lets face it, we will be RSVPing to a lot of parties soon and we won’t be always wearing a gown! What will get us through all these events, however, are pieces that will work with us and our busy schedules, taking us from an office holiday party to drinks with a date under the mistletoe with ease. So let me break down the How To’s for this holiday season.

a metallic tone for some extra shine. If you’ll be leaving the party early to go to a more casual affair, this is where layering comes in: Peel the coat off to bring more attention to the silhouette of your dress, keeping accessories to a minimum.

VELVET DRESS MUST HAVE FOR WORK/PARTY/ PLAY PARTY Adding a sheer lace cardigan under this sleeveless burgundy sheath creates an entirely new dress. Ocher pumps are the perfect color contrast to burgundy and black.

SWAP YOUR TOP (AND ADD EARRINGS) The key to all this is to layer and accessorize, and when I say accessorize can I say glittery ankle boots! A white blouse never fails to be the saving grace of our wardrobes—it’s truly our desert-island item. Select a style with billowy sleeves for a daytime party at the office, accessorizing minimally with drop earrings in a bolder hue. And when you’re ready to clock out and head to the nearest bar, swap your top to something that’s a bit more form-fitting, like a V-cut top. Add a coordinating silver clutch and you’ve got an outfit that’s truly ready for wherever the night takes you. ADD A COAT Attending a more formal holiday dinner as a plus-one and really wanting to wear a knit corset-style minidress? Try adding a winter-white coat to effortlessly elevate the look. As far as accessories go, we’re glomming onto drop earrings in 166


Stow the rest of your bling in your tote bag for later. Once you’re ready to go to the party, kick off those loafers in favor of a pair of 2017-approved sock boots, and finish off the look with a sparkly clutch and drop earrings.

WORK Velvet at the office can be tricky to pull off, so downplay the sexiness by covering skin with a prim cardigan and opaque tights. WEEKEND A pea-green army coat and sturdy boots give a functional vibe to what is essentially cocktail attire.

KICK OFF YOUR SHOES So on your way to the party of the year, you’ve got one last pit stop to make at a co-worker’s get-together. Since you’re doing a drive-by, we suggest pairing a studded LBD with a pair of easy-tokick-off loafers with a touch of gold.

DRESS UP A LITTLE BLACK DRESS If you have the go to black dress- add a long vest instead of a cardigan. Not only does it give you more style but makes you look lean. Hey – I will take that any day. Not only can you have fun with your accessories, but you have to have fun with your shoes. Any black dress can use some attitude with a cool and sexy pair of shoes! Go from booties in the office to a glitz heel at night. If you have that go to dress – use and spice it up with some holiday style.



{ HOT FASHION TRENDS } “My advice- have fun, let your personality come out with some fun wardrobe choices. Holidays are filled with laughter and an occasional glass of wine, so enjoy and let your holiday wardrobe reflect this.”

DRESS UP YOUR JEANS FOR PARTY SEASON There’s nothing wrong with opting for a polished denim look over a flashy holiday dress (if the dress code permits, of course). But how, exactly, do you dress up your favorite pair of skinnies or distressed jeans? You start by layering with the right outerwear to stepping up your accessories! Style your denim with metallic embellishments to be instantly ready for the holidays. Think: playful



beading and simple gold earrings. Then, take a slinky tank or cami and make it winter-ready by layering it over a fitted shirt or turtleneck. My advice- have fun, let your personality come out with some fun wardrobe choices. Holidays are filled with laughter and an occasional glass of wine, so enjoy and let your holiday wardrobe reflect this. If you are looking for some inspiration or ideas and need some help with your

wardrobe this season, reach out. I would love to get some holiday ideas, revamp your closet and personal style. Cheers!


















3349 Monroe Ave Pittsford Plaza Rochester, NY 14618 585-586-6860 106 Greece Ridge Center Dr. Rochester, NY 14626 585-371-3194 ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


















LuLaRoe with Shannon O'Neil
























As crooner Andy Williams once sang, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. For families living with Alzheimer’s and other dementias the holidays can be wonderful and, yet, they can also be challenging. When family and friends come together, with some planning and adjusted expectations, your celebrations can still be happy, memorable occasions. When the stress of caregiving responsibilities is layered with holiday traditions it certainly can take a toll. As the holidays approach h e re a re s o m e recommendations that will make them meaningful and joyful:

alcohol, eating more sweets, getting less sleep and exercising less. This in turn lowers our defenses and makes every experience — both positive and negative — seem magnified. Ensure time to rest, eat well and make healthy food choices. s Plan ahead and focus on what is most meaningful. Perfection is not the goal of the holidays — joy is! Cramming more into your already busy schedule can push you over the



s Build on past traditions and memories. Focus on activities that are meaningful to the person with dementia. Your family member may find comfort in singing old holiday songs, watching favorite holiday movies, or looking through old photo albums. Keep it light and build in simple activities that are meaningful for both you and your loved one. s Involve the person in holiday preparation. As the person’s abilities allow involve them in food preparation, wrapping packages, helping to decorate and setting the holiday table. This could be as simple as having the person measure an ingredient or hand the decorations to you as you put them up. Keep in mind that blinking lights may cause confusion for your loved one and avoid using ornaments that may be mistaken for something edible.

s Connect with family members in advance of the holiday and, together, make thoughtful decisions about the upcoming festivities. Make sure that everyone understands your caregiving situation and has realistic expectations about what you can and cannot do during this time of the year. sBe good to yourself. Give yourself permission to do only what you can reasonably manage. If you’ve always been the one to entertain a houseful of guests, consider paring it down to a few folks for a simple meal. Let others contribute, as well. Suggest a potluck dinner or even ask others to host the event in their home this year. In particular, a large gathering may be taxing on your loved one with Alzheimer’s. In order to ensure their participation in the tradition of holiday get-togethers consider breaking the large gatherings up into smaller visits. During this busy season, we can be tempted to increase unhealthy behavior — such as drinking more

confusion and agitation for your loved one.

edge, so consider what is really doable before you commit. Remember, you’ll be happier if you can go with the flow and expect the inevitable delay, crisis or disappointment. Above all, making positive memories with your loved ones is especially valuable at this time. sMix things up a bit. If evening confusion and agitation are a problem for your loved one, you may want to consider changing a holiday dinner into a holiday lunch or brunch. If you do keep the celebration at night, be sure to have the proper lighting. Poor lighting may cause

sMaintain a normal routine. First and foremost, routine will help keep the holidays from becoming disruptive or confusing. It’s also very important to plan time for breaks and rest. Whether it’s indulging in a morning cup of coffee, or going for a lunchtime walk around the block, daily routines provide us with a sense of comfort and control over our otherwise hectic schedules. People living with Alzheimer’s thrive on familiarity. Familiar faces, a familiar environment, even familiar food can provide a sense of calm, peace and security. This comforting sense of familiarity is so helpful because dementia gradually impairs a person’s ability to plan, initiate and complete an activity.

{ PARTNERS ON THE JOURNEY } Connect with family members in advance of the holiday and, together, make thoughtful decisions about the upcoming festivities.

s Recommend safe and useful gifts for your loved one. Diminished ability may make some gifts unusable or even dangerous to a person with Alzheimer’s. If someone asks for gift ideas, suggest items that could promote safety for your loved one and are practical, for example the Alzheimer’s Association’s MedicAlert/Safe Return identification program. Other practical ideas are comfortable clothing, favorite foods and photo albums. sPut respite care on your wish list. Become comfortable with sharing with family and friends that you are open to their help during this busy time of year. This could be a cleaning or household chore service, an offer to provide



respite care, or something that provides you with an opportunity to go holiday shopping. sIf your loved one lives in a residential facility the holidays can be shared at their facility. Bring the holiday right to them. It will make them very happy that they can share their home with you. Bring their favorite holiday food to share with everyone and bring a CD player so that you can play traditional holiday songs during the meal. Though the holidays can be a bittersweet time, filled with stress and frustration if you consider the above helpful ideas and make some minor adjustments, the holidays can continue to be

the most wonderful time of the year. If you need us please know that the Alzheimer’s Association is here for you 24/7. We have a team of qualified professionals available to support you. Our Helpline provides reliable information and support to all those who need assistance. Call us toll-free anytime day or night at 1.800.272.3900. Our Helpline serves people with memory loss, caregivers, health care professionals and the public. Best wishes for a happy, healthy and joy filled holiday season.

DISRUPT ALZHEIMER’S As dementia progresses, it can become increasingly difficult to find time for meaningful connections with your loved one. Learn how you can fight back at our upcoming conference. Pre-registration is required by calling 1-800-272-3900 or visit to learn more. Register by November 28 and receive a free copy of Creating Moments of Joy by Jolene Brackey.

Creating Meaningful Connections with Your Loved One Tuesday, December 5 5:30 - 7:30 pm Ridgemont Country Club



It’s November… that means the beginning of the holiday shopping. Love it or hate it, it’s that time of year. Bargain hunting is so prevalent that big-box stores like Target, Walmart, and Best Buy will open their doors on Turkey Day with little regard for their employees personal lives. And people with perhaps little regard for their own families will go out and shop. Then comes Black Friday when crowds of shoppers will literally get up in the middle of the night to fight each other to buy cheap stuff made in China. Or they’ll avoid the crowds entirely and buy everything online. What about starting a new tradition this year and making it a point to shop small and local this season? Economically, it makes a lot of sense. When you shop small, the bulk of the money you spend and most of your taxes stay local — helping schools, paving streets, paying police officers and fire fighters who keep you safe. According to the research firm Civic Economics, for every $100 you spend: • In a local small business, $68 stays in your community. • At a local branch of a chain store, only $43 of your money remains local. • Online, virtually no money stays local. It’s also fun. My family used to shop on Black Friday. We’d get up 192


early, head for sales, then meet for breakfast. No more. It’s just too painful: no real bargains, crazy crowds, unpleasant employees. Now, we’ve made Small Business Saturday our tradition. We sleep in, meet for breakfast at a local, independent café, then go shopping all day in small stores. Nice! But that’s only one day a year. Why not make an effort to shop local all year long? Here are some ideas to get you started: Buy and enjoy a book written by a local author instead of the NY Times Best Seller. Buy perfume from your local Avon representative instead of at Macy’s.

Try some new make up sold by a Younique presenter instead of buying it at Walgreens. Shop the gift shop at Casa Larga Vineyards for wine, instead of getting cheap California wine from a big name liquor warehouse store. Or buy any Finger Lakes wine. You’ll be amazed at the quality produced right in our region. Shop a local boutique or a consignment shop for unique clothes and accessories that make people ask “where did you get that?” Buy cupcakes, cookies, breads and pies from a local bakery instead of a big name grocery chain. Buy some fresh ground coffee at your local coffee shop instead of the drive-thru chain. Get a gift certificate from a locally owned restaurant instead of a big name corporate restaurant. Treat someone to a spa day, a massage or a manicure at a local salon. Get locally made candy to give as gifts for coworkers. There are still a few local record shops! Treat someone to a cd by an artist they love. Need more ideas? Go through the entire November issue of Rochester Woman Online. There are tons of advertisers that will welcome you with open arms and plenty of unique gift ideas.

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } What about starting a new tradition this year and making it a point to shop small and local this season?

You’ll also be strengthening your community while you cross items off your list. Local businesses are owned by people who live in your town, go to your church or synagogue, donate to local animal shelters, coach Little League teams. When you spend money in their stores and cafes, you support your neighbors. You’ll also raise yo ur property values. Lively, vibrant neighborhood shopping streets are considered an advantage when selling a home. They

make your property more valuable and generate local tax revenue. Finally, you’ll create jobs. Local businesses create local jobs. Often, these are jobs that pay better than those at chain stores. It’s going to take you more time, more planning, but what you get in return will be so worth it.

So promise me, no Black Friday crowds, stay out of the malls and no sitting in front of computer screen and going through your entire list in one evening. Make it a point to shop local this year. No excuses.

When you support local businesses you are supporting someone’s dreams. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017







It is incredibly easy to focus on things that aren’t as important as we would like to think they are during the holiday season. I have been that woman – you know the one that wants to get into a smack down with Martha Stewart and win - homemade gifts, thousands of home-made cookies and a fully decorated tree in every room. Yes, I have been that woman. When I look back now, I don’t know how I had the energy, drive or stamina to do all of that, but I did. Then I got divorced and none of that seemed important anymore.



For a few years after that, I didn’t even decorate one tree let alone eight. I would lug one tree out and wouldn’t put ornaments on it most years. Those ornaments get extremely tedious to put up and take down. Am I right? So, much to my daughter’s chagrin, a tree went up with only lights. It was the best I could do despite her pleas to do more every year. Last fall I went through a great unraveling of untrue stories about my life and who I am. I felt like a whole new person and it was absolutely beautiful. I felt like celebrating the holidays for the first time in seven years, but didn’t want to do the same thing I did back in the days when I enjoyed all the preparations. A new me required new traditions. First thing I did was make reservations to take my daughter to New York City for the holiday. We were going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in NYC, so it seemed a little strange to put up a tree with Christmas ornaments when we wouldn’t really be there to enjoy them. I also was high on gratitude. I was so incredibly grateful for the new lease on life that I had discovered and was so grateful for all the support and love I felt. I wanted to find a way to honor that and that is how I came up with the Gratitude Tree. About a week before Thanksgiving, I put up the Christmas tree with white lights. I threw a party and invited all the people that had been so supportive over the last few years to come over. We had desserts and good times recalling memories. Before they left, they were asked to decorate a paper ornament in the shape of a white dove. On the ornament, I told them to write down the one thing that they were most grateful for. Once they were finished, I wanted even more people to participate. I extended the opportunity for my clients, friends, family and my daughter’s friends to share the one thing that they were most grateful for. I wrote their one thing and decorated the ornaments.

I ended up with over 90 doves to hang on the tree. It was so beautiful! What was truly beautiful about the tree was that it was filled with the abundance of all of these people that I shared my life with in some way. I will admit that I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for all the blessings hanging on the tree every day until I took it down. It gave me such joy to know that my people were so blessed. It was a simple, yet monumental reminder, that we are given much more than we realize. We are supported in so many ways and we often fail to recognize that daily. The Gratitude Tree is a tradition I would like to continue this year. The challenge this year is that I am moving and will not be able to put up a tree before Thanksgiving this year. I am hoping to be in my new place to do it for Christmas, but it is hard to decorate a Gratitude Tree without a tree. I haven’t figured out what the solution is yet, but I will. If you have any suggestions on how to create a gratitude tree without a tree, please feel free to email me at thezebraink@gmail. com. I would love to tap into your genius. One of the main reasons that I want to maintain the Gratitude Tree tradition, is because gratitude amplifies abundance. The more I recognize all that I have in my life, the more I attract. I learned the hard way that when you are so focused on what you don’t have or only on the things you want, it takes a very long to achieve them. Why? Because lack or scarcity invites the same. You might even repel abundance if you don’t focus on it. Having that tree up and praying for all the abundance in my loved ones’ lives was a daily reminder of how much we are all truly blessed. I couldn’t think of a better way to stay grounded each day, than this practice of thanksgiving for our abundant lives. So beautiful one reading this article ... May your life be blessed with more than you could hope for. I am grateful for you and I encourage you to begin a gratitude practice during the holiday season at the very least. I am hoping for more abundance than you can imagine and when you practice gratitude it hurries the receiving along. I would love to know what your gratitude practice is and what abundance shows up in your life. Feel free to email me or find me on social media and tell me there. THANK YOU! Happy Thanksgiving!



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Newton’s First Law of Constitutional Economics So we all know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Having been a talk show host for over 21 years, I feel the need to weigh in on how we can all react to the offensive abuse of the First Amendment and other actions which may be permissible but are nonetheless intolerable. How can this columnist possibly tie Newton into a discussion of economics and constitutional ramifications? In any event, who said challenges can’t be fun? The fundamental rights guaranteed by the Constitution also come with an equal and opposite responsibility to act within the parameters of social justice, tempered by our own need for income, ownership of property and the ability to lead our lives peacefully without interference and overreach by the government. Just because we have rights under the Bill of Rights, or any other portion of our Constitution, does not mean we shouldn’t be constantly mindful of the concomitant responsibilities of our social contract with other members of this great nation. There are those who would rather exploit the profit motivation in any part of their lives, without regard to the ramifications to other members of society. That means that we must look to our own peaceful and inherent methods by which we can counteract any unwanted actions by using our own lawful and opposite reactions. Perhaps at this point you’re willing to give me a chance to try to make sense of all this, right? The fact is, there are people who will sell out their soul and, for that matter, their mother’s soul for the almighty dollar. There are also those will sell out anything within reach for pure unbridled power as well as greed. In fact, it winds up being that the very mechanism by which most of the reprehensible behavior in our society is committed, also is subject to a balancing — perhaps even negation — by the proper use of the equal and opposite force. I understand that mixing Newton’s third law, the 198


principles of economics, and the Constitution is an unlikely topic for any column. Nonetheless, I feel compelled to say that while we have the right of free speech, we still must be aware of the fact that we can do incredible damage to others by abusing that right. We have a responsibility to uphold our societal functions, and the ability of our fellow citizens to live with as little harm as

possible, within the framework of the freedom we all hold so dear. What this means, simply, is that when someone says something offensive, they may well have the right to do so but we also have the right to react in whatever way we deem fit. Looking back to the almighty dollar, we have a capitalistic society

We are not helpless. The same drive for profit in the marketplace can be used to minimize offending media exploitation for profit.

that allows us to take drastic measures to defend our rights, but also economically punish those with whom we disagree by withholding from those who commit offensive conduct under the guise of freedom. We may not realize that we hold such power in our grasp. In essence, the market drives those offensive

venomous talk shows onto the airwaves, movies glorifying violence into our theaters or the television shows we either tolerate or, in many instances, despise altogether. Those who wish to sound like they are weeping for the injustices suffered by children who’ve been abused or victims of kidnapping or violence, are absolutely and unequivocally aware of the

fact that they are driving their own ratings up, thereby increasing their own wealth without any regard to the consequences of those they profess to care about. Their claims are bogus. We are not helpless. The same drive for profit in the marketplace can be used to minimize offending media exploitation for profit. The capitalistic reward of advertising dollars, ticket sales, sales of offensive objects, while perhaps constitutionally protected, must not be positively reinforced by our own economic clout. If we act on this, we can lead ourselves out of the intolerable immoral morass we face on a daily basis. And those who depend on our spending for their daily living, ratings, success and, ultimately, their need to have their ego worshiped, ultimately will be without a power base. With any luck, they may wind up without a job, as long as we keep in mind that our behavior ultimately reinforces or negates their offensive behavior. The answer to these problems is not to limit Americans’ freedom, but instead to use the freedom of the basic power we all hold through control of how we spend, what we listen to and how we speak out against those who otherwise would be unable to maintain an exorbitant lifestyle at the expense of innocent people who deserve much better from our society. I urge you all to be very cautious when someone is willing to have children exposed to meaningless violence, crude references that demean the human spirit and the dignity of the soul itself. Do not reinforce them. Speak out against them by using your own First Amendment rights to do so, and make certain they never profit from $1 from your wallet. Don’t allow us to have our essential liberties eroded because of the misuse of a few people who would sell out our liberty for their own greed.

What’s in your wallet? Power! Robert L. Brenna Jr. is a partner in the Rochester law firm of Brenna Boyce PLLC. He is Past President of the New York State Academy of Trial Lawyers and concentrates his practice in the areas catastrophic personal injury and estates and trusts. *He is the founder and CEO of MasterMind Lounge, and also hosts a popular Sunday morning radio program entitled “The Brenna Boyce Law Forum,” on WHAM 1180 AM and iheartradio.


Older, Wise, Just As CUTE BYASHLEY ZEH

Whether they are kittens, puppies or bunnies, it’s hard to argue that baby animals are not among the cutest life has to offer. With their bounding enthusiasm for life and innocent mischief, they can fill a family’s home with joy and laughter. However, senior pets have just as much love to offer. They can often get overlooked in favor of their smaller counter parts. November is National Adopt-a-Senior Pet Month, so we’re shedding some spotlight on pets who are a little older, but no less cute. Here are some of the compelling reasons a senior dog or cat may be the perfect pet for you.

1. Many senior pets are already trained.

While puppies may be cute, they require a lot of work. Without any basic manners, you’re starting from scratch. They’ll need you to teach them how to sit, stay, and walk nicely on a leash. Many older pets have already lived

in a home where they learned some of these skills, and despite what you may have heard, are still ready to learn more. Not to mention they may already been house broken!

and whether they get along well with other dogs. Knowing what to expect gives you the opportunity to find the perfect match for your lifestyle and family.

2. Just as much love to give.

4. Potentially less cost for adoption.

3. Less surprises.

So, the next time you’re on the search for a new furry companion don’t rule out a senior pet. They have a lot of love left to give and may be the perfect addition to your home.

Just because a cat is older, doesn’t mean they’ll want less cuddles and affection. In fact, they may even want more. Many older pets have already spent their lives with a previous family and may crave human companionship. They don’t have as much energy to let out as their kitten counterparts. So, while everyone’s kittens are climbing the curtains, you’ll be cuddling on the couch with your senior. Adopting an older pet means that you’ll likely know some of the personality traits they have already acquired. You’ll have an idea of the amount of exercise they need

Since older dogs and cats are often overlooked at the shelter, they tend to wait longer at the shelter than their younger counterparts. For this reason, there may be possible discounts for senior pet adoptions. And when by choosing a senior pet you’ll not only be providing a home for your new friend, you’ll be providing the space needed for the next pet looking for a loving home.



Essential oils and Wine!

Picture this 20-15 years ago, you are having friends and family over for dinner. You offer your guests appetizers and dinner, followed up with a sweet treat for dessert. And for the beverage selection soft drinks and or beer. The evening was always filled with great conversation, laughter and relaxing. Now, fast forward to 2017. These small events or gatherings have turned into full out entertaining experiences. Something I love to do is watch HGTV and whether it be: Property Brothers, Flip or Flop or Fixer Upper, all the families have their wish list and in some way the wish for a place for ENTERTAINING is on the list. From open concept rooms, to elaborate dining rooms and outdoor living spaces - people have turning their gaze toward having friends and family over on a much more elaborate scale. The entire package is critical to the success of the event. Table settings, music, the food, and yes the beverages. No longer is it a basic beer that is served. It is unique micro brews, crazy cocktails and wine! I can honestly say that when we go to a friends home or have guests over - wine is probably the most common hostess gift that is given - along with stories and testimonies about the bottles origin, impressions and region. It’s amazing the varieties, the number of wineries and the abundant knowledge regarding wine these days. f I may share a story…



We had friends over one night for dinner. It was a warm spring evening although a bit rainy at first. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner in our dining room and eventually moved outside as the weather cleared up. I had recently gone on a wine tasting trip with my mom to Niagara on the Lake and brought back some really unique wines. The one with dinner was a huge hit and as we went outside we all broke into our 3rd bottle. Prior to us heading out, my husband lit our gas fireplace as well as some scented candles (for ambiance). The setting was perfect to enjoy the evening on the patio. After about 10 minutes my friend called out what we were all thinking - what was up with the new bottle of wine? It tasted so much different than it did inside and definitely not in a better way. We were going crazy trying to figure out what had changed. We even tried to google the winery to see if we could call and ask if they had a bad batch. We didn’t call but that is how curious we were. Ultimately we graduated to a different bottle and just hung out, it was good conversation to say the least. Fast forward 3 months later and my husband and I are sitting outside while the kids are swimming and prior to heading out I give myself of spritz of orange essential oil on my chest, and poured a glass of white wine. Similar to the evening on the patio with friends, the wine was different than ever before, but - holy cow - way way better!! What I specifically notice

this time is a very slight influence or hint of orange. WHAAAT? Yes, the essential oil spritz I have put on was influencing my tasting of the wine and accenting the citrus impressions of the wine. I LOVED IT! I immediately texted my friends and told them what I realized. When we went outside in the spring, there were so many different aromas that didn’t match our wine it threw our taste buds off and made is far less enjoyable. They all were amazed and we actually planned another dinner, only this one focused on wines with essential oils and did we have a blast! This whole experience was so incredible. For me, someone who loves aromas and how they influence the emotions center of our minds, I never realized that aromas could so dramatically influenced our taste as well. So now, after a ton of research and testing, I have taken my wine drinking experiences to a whole new level. There are so many ways to pair essential oils and wine, it is virtually limitless on how you can mix and match. Following a few simple guidelines you can take any wine a new level. How to Taste Wines with Essential Oils and https://www. 1. Taste the wine you want to explore with the essential oils. What are your impressions of it?

Can you taste the tannins, woodsy notes, floral, or fruit impressions. 2. Then decide which category of essential oils you would like to relate to the wine: Sweet, Savory, Citrus or Spice. 3. Now select from that category the essential oil you would like to smell from the list. 4. There are two ways to smell the essential oils and taste the wine. A. First is the obvious, uncap the bottle and put the essential oil up to your nose then taste the wine. B. Take a taste of wine, hold it in your mouth, and smell the essential oil at the same time. C. So everyone can enjoy: diffuse the essential oil in a diffuser while you are sipping ( this is a great way to allow everyone to enjoy the pairing without having to give them all little bottle of essential oils for themselves. We love this method! 5. Did smelling that particular essential oil enhance the impressions of the wine? To answer this: When the essential oil does

enhance the wine, the wine tastes better. When it does not, there can be bitterness or twang to the taste that was not there before smelling the essential oil. 6. Lastly, don’t forget to clean your palette between experimenting with each oil. You can do this by smelling coffee beans or eating a cracker. Pairing Hints You can pair an essential in the same ‘category’ of the wine you are drinking to enhance the experience and flavor. A. Riesling, for example, would pair while with a fruity essential oil such as Sweet Orange, Tangerine, Pink Grapefruit, etc. B. A Woodsy wine would pair well with Cedarwood, Black Spruce, Fir Needle, etc. C. A more florally based wine would pair well with Juniper Berry, Geranium, Lavender, etc. Not all Essential Oils are equal As we have seen the wine and beer (micro brew) beer industries mature, so too has the world of essential oils. Oils can range from

Pure and Therapeutic Grade A (Young Living Essential Oils - check out my website: http:// to Grade D floral waters. Always be aware of what you are purchasing. As essential oils slide down the grade scale, they do so primarily due to solvents and other chemicals and synthetics haveing been added. The FDA only requires an essential oil to have 5 (FIVE)% essential oils in it to be labeled PURE. Young Living is 100% pure and has the unique distinction of having partnered with the FDA and offer a VITALITY line of ingestible essential oils. So whether you are sitting back and relaxing with a lovely glass of wine on your own, or entertaining, add to the experience essential oils. Heading into the holidays I am certain most of us will many opportunities for both. If you are interested in learning more about Young Living Essential Oils feel free to call me on my personal cell: 716-870-0234. As well check out our ad in this month’s edition for some special holiday savings. What we know to be true: That’s right… they don’t interfere… they enhance.



Julie Dee is a comedian and writer. Her advice is for entertainment purposes, and is generally not helpful or useful. Follow it at your own risk. Dear Julie, I am a single mother with two teenagers. Both my son and my daughter are very lazy about helping out with the housework, and are disagreeable whenever I ask them to pitch in. They don’t cook either, and no matter what I make, one or both of them complain. I’m at my wit’s end just trying to plan a nice meal. What do you suggest? Aggravated in Avon


Dear Aggravated, I recommend you find a nice restaurant, with a good happy hour. Invite several of your fun girlfriends to join you. Leave some cold cuts in the refrigerator, text the kids directions so they can find their way to the kitchen, and tell them not to wait up. Julie Dear Julie, I’ve been procrastinating at work and have a huge pile of papers to file. I really hate filing and keep finding other things to work on, so it just keeps piling up. The CEO just announced that she will be visiting all offices next week. Yikes! I don’t think I could get the filing caught up if I had a whole month, and there’s no way I can get it done by next week. I don’t want to get in trouble, so can’t ask my supervisor or coworkers for help, but I’ll be in a lot more trouble if it doesn’t get done, and fast. What should I do? Disorganized in Dansville Dear Disorganized, Thank goodness you reached me when you did. I happen to have a wonderful filing system! It will help you stay organized and get the job done quickly. Get a few dozen Manila folders, and some labels. Take the top 25-40 papers from the top of the filing pile and put them into a folder. Write or print “miscellaneous” on the label. Repeat until filing is done. Julie Dear Julie, I just got new neighbors, upstairs from my apartment. They seem like lovely people, but they seem to get a lot of deliveries and nearly every evening when I get home from work, there are large boxes on the



front steps, sometimes obstructing them completely. I really don’t want to have any issues with my new neighbors, but am getting a little tired of having to climb over things and move heavy objects just to get in my front door. I could really use some advice on how to approach this without offending my neighbors or making them feel unwelcome. Can you help? Weary in Wayne County Dear Weary, Do you have a gym membership? If the answer is yes, there’s good news – you can cancel it. There are many people all over the world who can’t afford to go to a gym and would be grateful to have a free workout every day, not to mention the unenergetic, lazy and uninspired people who just don’t seem to find the motivation. You have a free workout that you can’t forget about or make excuses to avoid. Your new neighbors have done you a favor. Congratulations! You won working out. Julie Dear Julie, Every time I do laundry it seems like another sock goes missing. It’s usually one of my socks, of course, but sometimes my husband’s socks and the kids’ socks disappear too. Now the whole family has socks that don’t match anything. I’ve cleaned the laundry room several times, and check the washer and dryer regularly but have never found even a single sock. I am annoyed that the socks keep disappearing and also confused and frustrated that I can’t figure out where they go. Do you know where all my socks have gone? Confused in Canandaigua Dear Confused, I don’t have any particular knowledge of your socks or their whereabouts. However, this is a growing problem for a lot of families and there have been several studies. I believe that the most successful (and also least scientific) of these studies has uncovered evidence (that has not been verified) which shows that aliens live among us and frequently report back to their superiors. They show them our customs, and how human beings interact with each other, all through the use of sock puppets. They have also been known to steal the lids from plastic storage containers. As far as we can tell, they try to use them as Frisbees. Julie






Giving the Gift of Bling & Knowing Their Healing Elements They are beautiful. They are radiant. They are powerful. We love to wear them! And they serve us quietly behind the scenes in our everyday lives. If you’re wearing a watch right now, it is most likely operating in part by use of a crystal. Surgical instruments are partly composed of crystals; and automobiles have built within them - crystals. They are shining all around us in many forms. And they all come from our earth. They are Mother Earth’s natural rocks of power!

Selecting your diamond

The four C’s or conditions to look for when selecting your diamond are: Cut, clarity, color and karat. Your ideal diamond blends all 4 of these.


A flawless diamond is extremely rare, but there are levels to choose from. Ask your jeweler to explain these to you.


Most diamonds have a slight yellow tint that is nearly impossible to see. The less the tint, the more easily it is to reflect light.

In a recent Wall Street Journal article about De Beers, the diamond mining and retail giant that hallmarked the tradition of engagement rings, I was struck by their apparent lack of knowledge and appreciation of other gems and crystals. I could be wrong. The CFO was in a quandary about attracting Millennials. Is it possible to influence a generation who values a walk on the beach wearing beaded crystals and leather bracelets to purchase diamonds? I think so. I personally love them all! Diamonds, gems, crystals, cut glass. Anything that sparkles. Here are some tips as you explore your aisles of bling.



You’ll love the way your diamond sparkles. Hold it up to light, either an artificial light fixture like a lamp or natural light from a nearby window. Then notice the way it reflects that light. Is it dancing on surrounding surfaces? Is it colorful? This is the more playful aspect of your diamond.



This determines your rock’s shape and brilliance. Some of the classic cuts are the round brilliant, princess, cushion, and emerald cuts. See which shape looks best on your hand, over your heart, or on your fabulous earlobes!

This is how big your rock is. This does not effect the quality but will definitely be more noticeable. Things to consider here are your lifestyle - working in an office is more conducive to wearing a larger bling than if you work as a gardener. What is your personality? Do you like attention? This will ensure that you’re the star in the room!

The healing power of gems

Timeless. A gift from the Gods. Crystals and gems have always commanded authority and awe. Since prehistoric times, their powers and healing properties have been noted. Here are just a few!


{ MIND, BODY & SPIRIT } Is it possible to influence a generation who values a walk on the beach wearing beaded crystals and leather bracelets to purchase diamonds? I think so. I personally love them all!


Let’s start with the stone of the Amazon! This turquoise stone was likely worn by Wonder Woman in the blockbuster released earlier this year. The Amazons, a matriarchal tribe of women warriors inhabited a mysterious space between the known and unknown worlds. Strength, fortitude, and the power of friendship are key elements of Amozonite. It is said to shield the body from the effects of subtle radiation and electromagnetic frequencies such as Wi-Fi, and can be used to assist in breaking codependent tendencies.

with this rare and precious gemstone. Hebrew legend notes that serpents who look into it, become blind. Interestingly, it is used to soothe inflamed eyes and to stimulate sight and insight. I suppose this only works if you are not a serpent! On a metaphysical level, it increases one’s ability to see into the future. It also aides in the healing of stomach, liver, and epileptic ailments. And on the note of love, it has the power of attracting successful love and keeping it!

Wisdom, justice, modesty, courage, and purity Jade is regarded by the Chinese as the most precious gem and holder of the 5 great virtues listed above. It is thought to be a cleansing cure-all, prolonging life, preventing fatigue and healing any blood related illnesses. Great for balancing the kidneys and adrenals - just what we need in today’s world! This was one of my first gemstones. So beautiful, I pared it with a jade plant on my windowsill. Purity and eternity

Love attraction

Magical legends have long been associated

Rose Quartz - pink Heart

Healing properties include purifying blood and circulation, and harmonizing the brain with the heart. It can be found in a variety of forms and sizes, even as a heart pendant!

Diamond - Clear

Emerald - Green

What is your third eye? Your intuitive center, also known as your 6th chakra. This becomes more open with the amethyst. Amethyst is also used to clarify spiritual wisdom and clear away negative energy. Physically its healing elements induce peace acting as a natural tranquilizer.

One of the easiest to find crystals, the rose quartz is a necessity to remind you of the most powerful element in existence. Love. Unconditional love. It is known to heal emotions and transform relationships with your self and others. It surrounds your heart with protection and aides you to attract true, kind love. This crystal is also known to stimulate the third eye, opening one to clairvoyance.

Jade - Green

Due to it being the hardest substance known, diamond is equivalent to invincibility and known as the unconquerable force. This may very well make it a top choice for engagement rings - endurable and insufferable! The healing properties induce clarity, stimulate imagination and may even treat fevers.

in my coaching studio. Smaller geodes or clusters can be placed just about anywhere. And amethyst jewelry is now abundant.

Amethyst - Purple 3rd eye opening This beautiful crystal radiates hues of purples and immediately instills a feeling of awe. It comes in different sizes, the most aweinspiring are cathedrals that reach in height from 1 - 4 feet. The rock formation has been cut in half opening up to a crystal tavern within. I have one on my mantel

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You only get 75-100 Holiday Seasons (if you are lucky) BY ALISON DONAGHEY

We act like the numbers of Christmases (feel free to replace with your celebration of choice) are unlimited and more and more I see people acting this way. The complaining, the grabbing items out of people’s hands when they are shopping, the sadness and resistance are all examples of how we don’t cherish the limited number of holidays we get. We think of our Holiday Season as a yearlong event. “We have to wait a whole year for it to happen again,” “It only happens once a year,” but what we miss, is that is only happens ONCE a year. ONCE! Let’s break it down and assume we are going to live to 90 years of age, and therefore will get 90 Christmases in total. Sounds like a lot, right? Not really… If we think about it, our first 5 Christmases don’t really count, as most of us don’t really remember them or have control over them. So now we are down to 85 Christmases. We are bound to have some bratty teenage years and some irresponsible years in our 20s. Let’s knock off another eight Christmases, bringing us down to 77 Christm ases. If we take away another five for those years when we were going through hard times and just put on a happy face. We are now down to 72. For those years when the holidays were really just about getting presents, let’s remove another 15 (I am being kind. Most of us think it’s all about the presents for a long time and some never outgrow that!). Now we have 57 Christmases left, if we have done our math well. v FIFTY-SEVEN! That is more than a third of our Christmases gone, just like that. Not a very big number. Imagine if you only had 57 days left to live? Or 57 attempts at understanding a complex problem before getting fired? Or, 57 movies left to watch in the whole world of movies? Or 57 seconds to impress the man of your dreams? Or, well, you get the picture.



I am not sure about you but I tended to move through holidays without much thought. Buy some presents (so frustrating to buy for some people), bake some cookies, wrap the presents, bitch about the commercialization of the season (Seriously? Christmas decorations being promoted at stores the day after Halloween?) put up a tree, create a plan for whose house and when, make dinner, sing songs, give presents and then put everything away ready for the next year and set about paying off Christmas debt. Yours may look the same, or maybe yours includes going on a holiday, attending Mass, volunteering or any number of other things - you may well be ahead of me in having a great grasp on what your Holiday Season looks like. Congratulations! Well done for just being more aware. For those like me… In all honesty, I don’t think I became aware of my relationship with Christmas until about 5 years ago. Which means, based on my earlier estimate of living until 90 I only have about 42 Christmases to celebrate with awareness. I have to get really clear on how I want to spend the holiday season, who I want to spend it with and how I want to feel about it all. Why do you do what you do? Have you taken the time to really consider your relationship with the holiday season? I realized I did most of my process out of habit, and I don’t think habit is a good enough for me anymore. I want to know why I participate the way I do. vI started asking people how they spent the holiday and then asked them why they choose to spend it that way and most people didn’t have an answer for me beyond “because” or “that’s how it’s always been done,” or “it’s how my family likes it.” And more and more I am talking to people who are dissatisfied with their holiday experience, how it’s gotten out of their control, the spending is outrageous and the demand on time is exhausting. That got me thinking - won’t the whole experience be more meaningful if we understand the meaning it holds for us? This holds true for any experience, doesn’t

it? Going through the motions is nothing more than putting in time; time until… we die? That doesn’t sound very fun. Holidays are a hard thing to unravel. We have religion, tradition, family expectation and media all pressing in on us - some of those things welcomed, but some, not so much. Sometimes we just can’t, for a variety of reasons, extrapolate our self from the bigness of it all. So, what can we do? How can we bring small levels of personal meaning into our holiday season? My invitation to you is to truly gain a clear understanding about why you celebrate what you are celebrating. Not that surface answer, “because it’s Christmas,” but that deeper connection to what you are doing. Maybe it’s so that you can have a day off work. Maybe it’s so that you can watch the clock until midnight to give that perfect gift to someone that will change his or her life. Maybe it’s so that you can visit the hospital where your child’s life was saved to sing carols with the kids on the children’s ward. Or maybe you have never considered what part of Christmas you like. I am guessing though, it’s not the debt and it’s not going to someone’s house you don’t like because it’s expected. What is your corner of bliss in the holiday and why do you love it so much? What part do you look forward to every year and how can you include more of that and less of everything else? When I wish you Happy Holidays, what I really mean is, find a way to celebrate in a way that sets off all your happy sensors and continue that for the rest of your Christmases. To learn more about THINK OPPOSITE or to hire Alison, a cause and effect strategist, to speak to your group or business, visit www.dominothinking. com Alison’s book, Think Opposite: Using the Domino Effect to Change Your Business, Change the World – available in bookstores everywhere or email



{ THE “O” TALK }






Send. My finger hovered over the keyboard, hesitant to press down. I had to do it. I had to. I needed to come out, and I was terrified to do so. There were a good amount of people in my life I had not yet shared my true self with, and I wanted them to hear the news from me instead of from a grapevine that was growing faster than I could climb it. The weight of the moment pressed my finger downward. I hit send. Then again. I pressed the key. Individually, to many people, I came out. And every time I hit send, the truth took a deep breath of air. I am Chloe. The truth I had known for so long was no longer mine to keep. Once expressed, words exist on their own, free to flow wherever their carriers choose to place them. “I am Chloe” had been worried over, considered, whispered, spoken, and now written. Everyone would know. I am Chloe.


Ping. A reply. And then another. And another. I was afraid to read the responses. It was like Christmas Eve, but I was not only expecting to receive coal, but also to have the tree ripped up the chimney. In the midst of all the e-mails to family members and friends, I took a moment to write to someone else who had impacted me. Jennifer Boylan, an author (among many other accomplishments) wrote a book detailing her transition experience. In reading, “She’s Not There”, I finally accepted that it was ok for people to be transgender. Other people. Not me. But logically, I understood it. Over time, I would accept that it was ok for me to be transgender as well, but this was my starting point. I sent an e-mail off into the ether, hoping her publicist would let her know she received a nice message that day and, forgetting about it, I started to read my replies. Open. E-mail replies started to come in with regularity. With trepidation and fear, I began to open them. “Dear Chloe”. Two words were enough to bring tears to my eyes. “Chloe”. It was beautiful. While, my coming out e-mails were seemingly met with a cocktail of shock, emotion, and questions from all who received them, I will never forget what I found in those responses. The underlying current of acceptance floored me. Truly. That people would accept their family member, former teammate, friend, or any other variation of our relationship was not something I had truly considered. It was a gift. I know that this should be the norm. This should be expected. It’s not. While some people expressed their sadness that I felt the need to fight alone for so long, others admitted relief that they finally knew what had been bothering me all these many years. People wondered if this would change our relationship. Others wanted to know how they could help. My college roommate of three years, and teammate of four, didn’t believe me at first. There was no way. Pictures of a smiling, feminine face brought the point

home, and he accepted me. While I was disinvited from one “guy’s weekend”, I will forever be thankful that the other series was renamed a “friend’s trip”. I wonder still about the difference in theoretical acceptance versus practical acceptance. While some want to be the type of person who is ok with a transgender friend, this can be difficult in practice. The stares are difficult to overcome for some, as is knowing what to talk about. Friends wonder about conversational topics, which also references the strong roles that gender identity plays in our perception of others. I am lucky to say that almost everyone I know has made an effort. Coming out is strange in a way. It’s actually strange in many ways, but it’s not something that is just done once. I came out to a select group of people, then to the rest of my family and friends, and finally to my colleagues. I thought I was done. That’s not the case. For many transgender people, coming out is a continuous process. Does someone already know? Can they tell? Do I care? Just how the hell does this actually come up in conversation? I came out, in my mind, November 8th and 9th of 2016. I thought I was done. I wasn’t. It’s a process I continue with to this day. But I accomplished something. I was out. Please understand that I am writing this column from a place of privilege. Nobody tried to physically hurt me when I came out. I kept my family, though the dynamics have necessarily changed. I maintained many friendships that I was sure would be lost. I encountered affirmation and received support from too many colleagues and business partners to mention. I kept my job. I kept my apartment. I had a doctor who would treat me. I ask you to read the first two sentences of this paragraph again. I am fortunate because, as I was coming out, nobody tried to physically hurt me. The reality is that this is a deadly time to be transgender, especially for transgender women of color. Physical safety is privilege within the transgender community. And I carry this with my every day. Drained, I was ready to shut down my computer and head back to my apartment for the day. Another e-mail came in. Surprisingly, it was from Ms. Boylan. She shared a few words with me, most of which I will keep to myself, but in her congratulatory note she also encouraged me to do for others whatever I felt it was that had been done for me. Pay it forward. Help the community. I took this to heart, and will do everything I can. So, now, with my e-mails sent and received, with my colleagues hearing about my impending transition, there was only one thing left to do. It was time to schedule my coming out party and make my debut, in person, as Chloe. Me. Chloe. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017




Right about now, many of you are thinking, Summer, what summer”? For sure, Upstate New York has experienced a brief summer season, given lack of sun, and overabundance of rain. That said, I managed to have success with most of what I planted. I applied years of experience and wisdom. Surveying the summer we were up against, I quickly adjusted. How about you? Did you have success with your flowers, fruits, herbs and vegetables this season? I hope so, and if you did, you’ve been hard at work like me, because it’s Harvest Time!

If freezing some of your picked vegetables, wash them, remove seeds, julienne or cube, and set on a tray in your freezer. Once frozen, gather and store. Some vegetables I like to partially steam before freezing. Others such as tomatoes, I fully steam and use proper canning methods. Canning methods can easily be found on the internet. If freezing, transfer to tight sealed containers or freezer bags. Label and date everything. Use up frozen veggies in about a three-to-fourmonth period to ensure freshness.

Work included watering evenly, feeding and staking plants, protecting them from harsh passing storms. Weeding garden areas is important to reaping the best harvest. I hope you’ve taken control over all those pests that I spoke of in my August article, and allowed good bugs to do their thing.

Did you think ahead in the middle of July and plant any fall and frost hardy vegetables? Beets, a variety of beans, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, cauliflower are just some of the great candidates. They need 100 days until hard frost. If you planted any of those, your vegetable garden was extended.

By now, you know if you made good decisions as to where you planted everything. Did they get wind protection and plenty of sun? Did you make sure you cleaned up rotting leaves and stems so that your plant would not become infected, and attract unwanted bugs? Make notes of mistakes you made this year, so next season, you’ll not repeat them.

Let’s not say goodbye quite yet. If you protect your gardens once the temperatures start to drop, you may be able to extend your harvest for just a while longer. I take out tarps, blanquettes, or plastic sheeting out and cover my plants, during a freeze warning if still bearing food. Greenhouse, then no worries!

Every day I stroll through my gardens, tending to their needs. If you do that, the garden’s problems will not over grow! Tending daily encourages a good, full harvest. I dance with joy with each vegetable or fruit that I pick, for daily menus. If you have an abundance, don’t just give it all away, although your neighbors, friends and family might love a few vegetables. Prepare some to can or freeze for the cold dark days of winter. What a joy to take from your freezer, on a winter day, some butternut squash that you cooked and bagged or mashed and put into containers as you gathered an abundance during your 216

harvest. You can truly enjoy your gardening labor for months, if you plan well.


Unfortunately, eventually, the decision will need to be made, to retire gardens for the season. Yep, more work! I sob as I deal with these plants. I spent many hours with my gardens. Once they were established I found great joy watching them grow, then flower. Oh, how I felt each time I would see an actual vegetable start to grow, then come to maturity! I love feeding my family and friends with my harvest along the way! As I gathered in my crop, I have had nothing but joy. I hope you got to experience that also! What do we do now? Once it is apparent that each plant has labored in love, long enough, it is time to pull it. You can add

it to your ongoing compost pile, or you can work it right into your garden soil. This may happen in stages with various plants in different areas. Just because one pepper plant or butternut squash plant is exhausted, it does not mean they all are. You’ll have to give each plant its opportunity to give all. After your gardens, one by one become cleared of your vegetables, and or flowers, it once again is time to give it a boost, for next year. You know that ongoing compost pile you have? It is a great idea to add it to your barren garden at that time, ensuring good soil for spring gardening. Take some of those falling leaves, shred them up by running them over with your lawn mower, then, work them right in. Got a roto tiller? Use it! Once you handle all that, and your gardens are all cleaned up, why not plant some garlic bulbs? You can nestle each clove about three inches down and then cover up with grass cuttings, mulch, or hay. Garlic will shoot up in the Spring, welcoming you to a new planting season! How exciting! At the end of your season, why don’t you do yourself and next year’s gardens a favor by cleaning up your garden tools. Wash and sharpen blades, tighten handles, scrub rust off implements, and store them away in a dry area where you will easily be able to get them out and start using them next year. I love to take photos of my gardens throughout the season. Harvest time is no exception. This year, butternut squash and eggplants did exceptionally well. There will be a photo shoot of my final harvest of these beauties, mingled with my flowers: my final tribute to the harvest. My happiest wish for you, is that you now get to enjoy your harvest! No harvest this year? Perhaps my sharing this will contribute to your harvest time next year!




Have you ever met someone and instantly thought, we will be friends? I met Marty years ago at an RBA Christmas party. We locked eyes on each other’s shoes, and had to introduce ourselves. A long friendship would ensue. Marty is one of the people I most admire. You see when life knocks her down, she gets back up and goes back in for more. Always there for her friends and family with a smile, kind word or a push in the right direction. When I broke my foot and was depressed that I couldn’t drive my vintage bug, Marty came over and took me for a ride, she could tell I was getting depressed and needed a silly adventure. Nothing long, I think we drove down 390 for like 20 minutes. But it was enough to put a smile on my face. Marty is no stranger to tough times. At the age of 20 she had already been married twice. She became a single mom 8 years later by her own choice. She faced a difficult choice, young had no education and needing to leave her bad relationship for years, but she was afraid. How would she support her two boys? Marty got her first taste of being an entrepreneur by selling Tupperware. Little did she know this would be life changing for her. Needing a break, to be something other than a mom and wife she originally started this just as a way to get out of the house and away from the abuse. While getting small prizes for hosts she found a book with sayings by Clementine Paddleford, “Don’t grow a wish bone, where a back bone ought to be.” This really stuck a cord in her. She quickly realized she had been hoping and wishing for too many things and really wanted a better life. Realizing that leaving her bad marriage was the only way to get this life, she left three weeks later. While she does wish she had done it sooner, she is grateful that she found the inspiration to make the move. While it was hard for several years having to live with her parents, struggling with a son diagnosed bi polar and no support from their father and questionable medical support. Being the Mom and 220


Dad was harder on the kids because it was just the three of them, and everyone had to chip in. They made it through the tough times, the power turned off because she couldn’t pay the bill, Christmas was tight most years, no allowance for her kids, lots of second hand stuff. Looking back she says, “Through all the struggles and her ex leaving the state, she ended up turning to her children for support. We were there for each other.” She doesn’t regret these years, you see because of the struggle her kids now appreciate what it takes to be a good parent, how to love unconditionally, they believe in stronger family ties. Marty’s kids feel empowered to do anything, her oldest son is taking off to tour

the world, her youngest who never wanted to go to college is now going. She always pushed them and herself to do better. While Marty moved around in jobs, she always moved up, every job offered her more advancement, either more money, or more connections. Yet she always wanted to do more. There was a disconnect on some level, the problem was not all organizations she worked for had the same beliefs she did. Marty believed the only way to run a business is employees and customers always come first. She never found a company that fit her beliefs until she discovered her newest passion. A good friend of 18 years kept posting pictures on Facebook about this new make-up she was using. Marty watched how well she was doing, how her friend was looking younger and prettier. Being the supportive friend, Marty asked her to hook her up with some of that lip stuff. You must understand Marty is not a huge lip stick lover, but she kept watching her friend’s skin become clearer and clearer, and became interested. I never believed Marty had her own skin issues, as I always saw her as this perfect beautiful person. But Marty confessed to me that she does and this new skin care has made a huge difference. She fell in love and became a makeup lover, this line fixed her face between the dermatitis and oily skin. She now wakes up in the morning and likes the way she looks in the mirror without makeup. Being the type of woman who needed to be frugal most of her life, she knew to get the good stuff, you would have to pay a lot of money out. Imagine her surprise when she discovered this amazing inexpensive line that transformed her skin. Marty started using this makeup line because of the discount she could get, she had no intention of making this her next career. You see with SceneGence there is no high pressure sales tactics, there is a nominal annual

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Marty is no stranger to tough times. At the age of 20 she had already been married twice. She became a single mom 8 years later by her own choice. She faced a difficult choice, young had no education and needing to leave her bad relationship for years, but she was afraid.

fee to get whole sale pricing. No minimums to meet, just have to order within 6 months. There truly is profits, you don’t get a cut from everyone who sells, instead its structured as bonuses. There are 3 ways to make money- make your own sales, commissions from the company based on people in your down line, and bonuses based on the volume your team sells. Once Marty started showing some of her friends what she was doing with this line of Gmo free, gluten free, lead free, wax free, vegan, cruelty free, water proof, sweat proof, smudge proof, and kiss proof, her friends all started to notice a difference. When you feel beautiful, you feel more confident. Marty’s favorite thing to do is try out some products on people, you can either stay in your comfort zone or try something new and take a chance. What she loves most

about the makeup is hearing how confident a teenage girl who struggles with acne feels with better skin care and makeup that shows off her freckles and gives her a beautiful natural look. How women who never wear makeup because they don’t know how to put it on well can now create a natural and elegant look easily! Her friends were simply getting excited about finding a product that actually works and lasts a long time... they love both how long it lasts on their face as well is how long before they have to buy more! “That’s why I don’t do the typical party. I set play dates. Come play with the colors, try on whatever you want either one on one or with friends. I don’t preach the business (I probably should lol) and I am totally honest with people... if I don’t think you need something I am not

going to try and sell it to you!” “I am more for the natural look but the glamour look possibilities are endless!”, says Marty. She doesn’t want woman to feel pressured to buy. With a 100% money back guarantee, there is nothing to lose. In fact if you’re going out on a date or are unsure of how to wear makeup, Marty invites you to come sit with her and she will help you put it on or give you a lesson. Later after your date if you are loving the look then come back and get it from her. Now I was skeptical about this. While I love to be crazy hair colors, make up scares me. My husband hates when I wear too much make up or my lipstick comes off on his face, or even worse when we go to an event and my lipstick comes of on the linen napkins our host put out. When Marty told me this lipstick of hers does ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017


{ ANGELLA’S ADVICE } Once Marty started showing some of her friends what she was doing with this line of Gmo free, gluten free, lead free, wax free, vegan, cruelty free, water proof, sweat proof, smudge proof, and kiss proof, her friends all started to notice a difference. When you feel beautiful, you feel more confident.

not come off, I was skeptical. That is until I tried it. Loved it, hooked instantly, I can mix colors and develop my own look. But it doesn’t stop there. With a full line of skin care, Anti-aging products, eye shadows, mascara, body washes, scrubs and on and on the list goes. There really is something for everyone.

by her. They found each other online and he reached out to her. On their first date at Revelry she almost walked out. She didn’t catch the fact that he was separated and not yet divorced. Thankfully he convinced her to stay and talk more, where they ended up closing the place down.

For Marty on top of getting the discount and being able to go on vacation and do fun things, this side business of hers allows her to do things she wouldn’t be able to do. She has her confidence back. When we like who we are and believe in ourselves confidence isn’t an issue.

Marty’s advice for people starting over again, “ Before jumping into another relationship do something for yourself, you will have to want to let someone in, nobody is perfect but you have to want to trust again”. Her new husband pushes her to be her best and to do what she resists while giving her the space to run with it. If you would like to learn more about Marty she can be reached at LastingNaturalBeauty@gmail. com or her Facebook group Marty’s Lasting

Marty who was single for 14 years recently married the love of her life. In her own words he is a little bit of a dork and was never intimidated

Natural Beauty. You can schedule a play date, or talk to her about starting your own business. Either way having Marty in your corner is a win win, you will gain a friend for life. Angella Luyk is a national award-winning business owner at Angella Luyk LLC, Midnight Janitorial, and One Stop Janitorial and Office Supply. She understands what business owners go through and wants to help end the struggles with proven techniques. For more information check out her website or send her an email Bring her donuts and she will provide the coffee. Connect with her today and start taking your business to the next level.



{ POWER 30 }


Power 30 is a 30 minute complete workout of cardio, strength, and core training developed by RAC FOR WOMEN! This is a women’s only club featuring the state of the art equipment and highly skilled trainers. Designed for all ages and fitness levels, this small group training program is designed to maximize your fitness results in a time efficient 30 minute POWER 30 workout! You won’t believe the results you get from this training program! Power 30 classes are led by Personal Trainers and participants are getting



individualized attention that they will not get in a group exercise class for less than $7 a workout. Power 30 is very cost effective for an individual that is looking for hands on attention, correction, and modifications in a small group setting. Power 30 utilizes TRX, Kettle Bells, Slam Balls, Resistance bands, Agility Ladders in HIIT and circuit training format. Highly skilled trainers design each session unique and every day is a different workout so you are never bored. Give us 30 minutes and we will guarantee you an amazing

workout! Come and try a session on us for free! Meet Alexis one of our many Power 30 success stories! Alexis started her Fitness Program with her coach Brooke at our Greece location. In just 4 weeks she has lost 11.25 inches and dropped 1.2% body Fat. Her Formula is 2 Power 30 classes a week and 1 Group x Class. Let our coaches at the RAC work with you and create the perfect formula for you!



Do you need to figure out how to move past a negative situation? OK, so you feel stuck and unable to move past your current situation. What can we do? First, we need to realize the cause of your feelings. Let’s start with the circumstance. Identify what it is that is holding you back. For example, let’s say you keep ending up with the same type of partner and you can’t seem to move into a more meaningful relationship. What is the Circumstance here? It is the current relationship. So, what do you think about that relationship issue? Maybe you are thinking that you can’t find a quality partner. I’m not good enough for the kind of partner that I want. It will take too much energy to find what I am looking for. How does that make you feel? You probably feel sad or defeated or hopeless, right? You may feel like no matter what you try, nothing works for you. You feel less than desirable because you have developed low self-esteem which in turn effects your “likability factor” and appeal. It also effects how you take care of yourself or lack of care for yourself. That inward feeling causes and outward reflection. That feeling will cause you to take action or not 226


take action. My guess is you are not taking any action because it is too much work or you feel hopeless. Your actions will cause your results. I can feel you rolling your eyes right now and probably saying “of course I am not taking any action because there is no point,” right? You might be saying, “I have taken action and gotten nowhere.” The results will then be, you won’t try to find someone new because you’re thinking that it won’t work anyway and you don’t feel worthy of the kind

of person you really want. It all sounds pretty bleak, right? Now, let’s turn that around. How can we change your thinking to a new thought, which can change everything else? First, let’s look at the circumstance: your current relationship is either non-existent or not fulfilling.

New Thought: I think that I will try a

dating site and really get serious as to what I am looking for in a partner. I will be detailed in my likes and dislikes so that I attract a good match. I think I will also go into another part of town to meet people that have a new and different perspective which may change my direction on things. I think I will challenge myself to date 10 people in a month so that maybe one of those 10 will be a match for me or at least get me closer to the kind of person I would like to spend time with.

New Feeling: This is

exciting! I can’t wait to see who is out there in other parts of town. I like the idea of a dating site so that I can talk and get to know people before ever getting all dressed up and going out on a date. Maybe out of 10 people, I can find the right 1 person for me.

OK, so you feel stuck and unable to move past your current situation. What can we do? New Action: Taking more care as to how

I look and how I show up in the world. Researching the parts of town that could be exciting to hang out in, meet and mingle with new people. It will be fun researching dating sites to explore this new idea. I feel energized enough now to maybe go to the gym and start getting into better shape.

New Result: I look better, feel better and

am finally excited about my future and possible outcomes. You could be in a rut because of many issues, such as an unfulfilling job or your inability to just feel happy and motivated. I can help you work through all of these issues in the same way. If you are in an unfulfilling job and you dread going to work every day, lets figure this out. You have a job, yes?

You don’t want to continue working there and you feel there is no way to change this unfulfilling situation. You are stressed or unhappy at your job. You hate going in each day and the day drags along because you are not enjoying it anymore. You don’t put out your best work and you avoid other co-workers so that your day doesn’t have to be filled with undesirable people. In the end, your boss doesn’t acknowledge your work because frankly, it is less than noteworthy. You don’t get the raise you were hoping for. This is really a rut, right? The same process applies to this circumstance. You need to think a new thought such as looking for a new job in places you have not looked before. You could sign up with recruiters that deal in the markets that you work. You could hire a Career Coach who

can kick start a new career for you. You could reach out to trusted friends or family who may have connections that would benefit you. Once you take step number 1, all the other steps seem to fall into place, but this time you are now feeling better about your life choices and about the new possibilities that await. It is all about how you think about things and taking action. Does that make sense? Do you need help getting out of your rut? If so, go to my webpage and sign up for my mini session. Let’s work it out together. http://



It is no secret that Santa and Mrs. Claus love spirits, wine, and champagne. This year skip the egg nog and get your friends and family gifts they will truly appreciate. A well planned trip to the local liquor store can provide thoughtful shoppers with a cart full of gifts for those hard to please adults we all have on our lists. The experts at Rochester Drinks have some suggestions to help make this Holiday season a little easier before the wrapping is done, and a lot more fun once the gifts have been opened. Just like any proper celebration, always start with bubbles. Champagne makes for a fantastic gift and the real thing can only be produced in the Champagne region of France. We recommend a selection from one of the most prestigious producers Moet & Chandon, Veuve Clicquot, Dom Perignon, or Krug. If your plans do not include champagne but you still want sparkling look for Chandon California Brut or Rose in special edition bottles designed by Rebecca Minkoff and pair it with a new handbag from one of her collections. Chandon also has a new sparkler, Sweet Star, for those who prefer something fruitier. If that is still too dry for your squad try “Frosty the Snowmante” a raspberry spumante from Glenora in the Finger Lakes. Next venture into the spirits section and check out all the fun gift sets available for a limited time. Bailey’s is a 228


perennial favorite and it comes with two ceramic bowls labeled “mine” and “yours” that are perfect for a spiked coffee or ice cream covered with the original Irish cream liqueur. The whiskey connoisseur in you life will appreciate a bottle of Crown Royal with two beautiful laser-etched glasses, the iconic Johnnie Walker Black blended scotch whisky with two tapered glasses, or a bottle of Glenmorangie 10 year old single malt scotch with two glass tumblers. If the man in your life has jumped on

the bourbon wagon slap a bow on the biggest bottle of Bulleit Bourbon you can find. This stuff is so good we love to share it any time we entertain guests. Martini drinkers will love the Belvedere ultra-premium vodka set that comes with a gorgeous metal ice bucket and a pair of ice tongs, or a bottle of Ketel One Vodka with two rocks glasses perfect for any occasion. There are selections for rum aficionados as well. We adore the luxuriously smooth Ron Zacapa blended from rums matured up to 23 years, or Ron Zacapa XO which is further aged in French cognac barrels and presented in a great gift box. Finally for those who are always on the nice list you may want to make plans now to get them something extra special. A custom engraved bottle of Johnnie Walker 18 year, Johnnie Walker Blue, Hennessy VSOP, Hennessy XO, Hennessy Paradis, or the one of a kind Hennessy Richard will be sure to impress. The personalized engraving takes 10 to 12 days so don’t wait until the last minute to order the ultimate gift from the liquor store in your neighborhood. Cheers!

{ ROCHESTER DRINKS } This year skip the egg nog and get your friends and family gifts they will truly appreciate.




Facebook Missing Content & Back To Basics BY TAMARA MACDUFF

Facebook is now pulling out all organic content from the main newsfeed. Relax. Seriously, Relax. Breathe. Honestly, Facebook has been decreasing your reach from your business pages for months – except now they are telling you where you can find it. Or, where you can find it soon. For months now, maybe even a year or so, Facebook has been decreasing its organic reach for business pages because they want you to pay them money. Why do they want that? Because, like you, Facebook is a business and advertising is how they make their money to keep their platform free for you to use personally and as a business. FACEBOOK’S NEW NEWSFEED Facebook has rolled out a change that includes two newsfeeds. Yes, that’s right – TWO. One is your main feed and you should start to see less viral content from business pages you follow or don’t follow. The other one is located on the left hand side of your screen under “Explore.” This will be where all the organic content from any business page, including pages like William Shatner, ESPN, O the Oprah Magazine, 230


will now be. Any content that is not paid will be shown in this feed. The main feed is for those pages who pay Facebook to boost a post or run an ad and for your friends and family. FACEBOOK IS BACK TO SQUARE ONE Facebook didn’t intend to be a business platform, though they grew into one and eventually monetized it. Anyone in business saw this day coming. One thing I remind people, particularly business owners, is that when something is FREE, it’s great – remember it only gets you so far. This is as far as Facebook wants to take businesses for free. Another point to remember is that when something is free, YOU the user is the product or service.

It is true that Facebook wouldn’t be so valuable if you and I weren’t on it 24 hours a day. If none of believed everything we read on Facebook. We, the users, put Facebook upon their pedestal that they then took to investors and made a lot of money. I’m sure Mark, his family and the investors thank you for your early adoption of the platform. Remember, they were never meant to be a business platform, it just happened. They are now back to basics. Facebook is the largest content publishing house on the planet that doesn’t really own any content. STRATEGY CAN SAVE YOU Did you just start your Facebook page for your business with no strategy for the content you were going to share? Did you ask yourself, “Self, WHY am I sharing or creating this content?” or “Will this content bring value and happiness to my followers, prospects and clients?” If you answered NO, my suggestion is that you rethink that and get a strategy behind your Facebook page as soon as humanly possible. This is NOT the end to Facebook or the end of organic reach at all.

In fact, my clients have not had a problem with their reach, I am consistently getting them 500% or better organic reach every week. Quite often, my clients’ organic posts outperform the posts they pay for. YOUR TAKE 3 ACTION PLAN Here is your action plan you can use today in your business and get as much organic reach on Facebook as you can. Though you a great strategy will have room for both paid and organic content. Look to your Facebook Insights and Google Analytics for your answers as to what content your customers are looking for and consuming. If you have questions, reach out to me and I’m happy to have

a conversation with you and set you on the right path for your business success. • Find the right hashtags. Yes, I said hashtag on Facebook. Contrary to some opinion, they do work. Remember you are on Facebook and NOT Instagram so use them sparingly; no more than 3 and try to put them into your post in a natural way. • Give inside information or pro tips to your client base. You won’t be giving away trade secrets, believe me and your tribe will thank you. • Respond to comments on your posts in as real time as possible. Remember it’s about

conversations turning into conversions – not just reach. This engagement works both ways – give to get on social media. See you in the Social Sphere! Tamara MacDuff, business owner at NOW Digital Marketing. She drives sales for business owners through social media & content strategies. When she isn’t being strategic with her social media, she teaches workshops on social media, social media strategy and content creation & strategy. For more information reach out on Twitter (@TamaraLMacDuff), Facebook ( or LinkedIn ( She loves great coffee, conversation & ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2017




Many of us in Rochester have been disappointed that Whole Foods has been postponed on being built. They were supposed to have been built and opened as of September, but as we all know that hasn’t happened. What you might not know is that as of September 15, 2017 Whole Foods opened in Amherst, NY. Just an hour drive and you get to the greatest Whole Foods Store. Mike and I have been keeping tabs on the build out for our Rochester Whole Foods and were totally shocked to find out that Buffalo was built and open. We haven’t heard anything on the news about it being built so close to home. So of course, we had to make a trip...or two. When you pull into the plaza in Buffalo you notice that the whole plaza is empty but for Whole Foods and we were quite surprised to see they’d move such a pristine store to an empty plaza, but at the same time I believe it was a brilliant move. The plaza that Whole Foods is in will be a booming plaza in no time. Whole Foods parking lot was packed. As you walk into the store you are greeted with Amazon Lockers. Had no idea that such a thing existed. You can order items off of Amazon and have them delivered to Whole Foods so you can pick them up. This comes in handy when you live in an apartment or dorm and you don’t want your items being left in the hallway. After you get passed the awesome Amazon lockers you walk into the fresh produce section of the store 232


and it is vast with produce I’ve never seen in a grocery store. Some of the items I’ve only found at the Rochester Public Market. Mike was ecstatic to see they sell whole Jackfruits. For those who don’t know what a jackfruit is, it is a fruit that can get to 20-30 pounds with a spiky hard exterior that tastes like Juicy Fruit Gum. They also sell it cut already so you can buy a little bit to see if you like the flavor. Had to take Mike out of buying a whole one for a sliced one.

The bulked items is also right there in the produce section. They even have a place where you can grind your own peanut or almond butter. Of course, I had to do both. Yummy. If you like fresh organic coffee they also have a station where you can grind fresh organic coffee beans as well. We went down every single aisle checking out all of the organic foods. The only place that is comparable to Whole Foods in Rochester is Lori’s Natural Food, but 5 times the size and selection. They also have a vast selection of fish, meat and cheeses. Everything is super fresh looking and smelling. They even have a butcher shop window where you can actually watch them prepare the meat, this spot is not for the squeamish or for those who do not eat meat. You do get the freshest meat though. There is also prepackaged meat that you can choice from as well. As you continue past the fresh meats you will come across their prepared food that you can take home and eat right way with little to none preparation unless you stop by their fresh pasta station which of course you will have to boil water when you get home. If you are looking for the freshest handmade pasta you have to stop at the pasta stand. I suggest the sweet potato gnocchi’s and butternut squash ravioli’s. To die for all the way around. They have fresh bread, rolls, cakes, pastries, soups, sauces. You name it they probably have it. You can also buy prepared sandwiches, whole meals, fresh juices, salads, there’s so much

selection that you need an hour just to look at everything. They have a lot of stations set out in their prepared food section for you to taste test different items that they have. So, if you are hungry just walk through that section or you can visit their restaurant or cafĂŠ. You can sit in the restaurant for a well-prepared sit-down dinner or you can order from the cafĂŠ and sit at a table on your laptop while drinking a coffee or fresh juice (very good juice) and a delicious pastry. 234


We picked up a Mochi, which is a Japanese rice cake that they have close to if not over 20 assorted flavors. We had no idea what they were, but there were quite a few people stopping to explain to us what they were. We tried the Salted Caramel. Super good, but if you want to take it home I suggest you bring a cooler or they will melt on the way back to Rochester. We truly enjoyed our visit to Whole Foods that we had to go back a second time in less

than 2 weeks and we will be stopping a few more times before the end of the year. So when you get a chance to get up to Amherst make sure you stop by Whole Foods on Sheridan Drive. I suggest you give yourself at least an hour if not more to truly enjoy shopping at Whole Foods.


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there for my own self, just as they were. The rest, as we say, is history.

Oh this will be good. Why? Because decades ago I was taught to believe that lifting heavy weights was going to make me bulky, would make my midsection thick, would make me look masculine. I’d be unappealing with mounds of muscles. Sadly, millions of women were given a similar ‘education.’ Most certainly there are extremes in everything, from too much oxygen to too little. So is true about heavy weightlifting. But it should NOT be avoided based on erroneous statements and naysayers who’ve created a perplexingly hard to discredit belief system. For decades!!

MEMORY #3: Fast forward to 2017, after 30+ years of consistent heavy weightlifting, I do not have a thick midsection; I still fit into clothing I wore when I was 25 years old and I have exceptional bone density. I have weathered many, many storms from physical ails and cancer scares to relationship and business fails. I owe much of my perseverance and willingness to keep moving forward to the fact I lifted…heavy!! I’ll agree it is an indirect result, but a clear one for me. Having accomplished physical feats time and again, I saw that I was capable of stepping outside my comfort zone and navigating waters that others may likely avoid. I realized I had amassed a different kind of strength, and for that, I am extremely grateful and humbled.

MEMORY #1: After years of being on the track teams for high school and college, I was eager to take it to the next level. How? Weight training was suggested by an ahead-of-his-time Trainer at SUNY Cortland. Thank you! Upon going to a local fitness center in the early 1980’s, requesting a tour, I was shown the aerobic class room, the pool, the sauna, the locker room and finally the weight room (which was my main interest). However, I was directed to the “cardio section” with its thickly matted flooring to the one side for hip, abdominal exercises and stretching. Really? It was 1983 not 1883. I inquired about their squat rack, their universal system, the free weights. I was told only few women venture over there, so she assumed I was uninterested in doing so as well. Therefore, I wouldn’t have been given a tour of that area unless I specifically asked. I was not a ‘bodybuilder’ at that time, but an avid sprinter and mid-distance runner. I knew that building muscle strength was key to helping me run faster. I was also eager to meet the smart women who ‘ventured into that area.’ Bravo! MEMORY #2: By 1993, having a decade of solid weight training in my history, I embarked on the world of professional natural bodybuilding. That meant I was actively in the aforementioned area that few women ventured. Still, it was not a regular option to train with women so my training grounds were male dominated. I was either “in” or “out” depending on the particular place I trained. It was odd that, to a certain degree, I had to prove my worth so as to gain respect from fellow gym goers. Then I simply decided, there is no need for such effort. I was 236


Pleased to share that millions of women engage in heavy weight training, gleaning its benefits such as sustained or improved bone density, low LDL cholesterol levels and healthy hearts. You’ll enhance your body composition, meaning you’ll have a higher level of lean mass (muscle) which will directly increase your body’s ability to burn more calories…sitting still. You’ll improve posture. Your body systems will work more effectively. The belief that the best way to achieve firm muscles and reduce body fat with high repetition, light weight workouts, in the absence of low rep, high volume workouts is just plain…wrong. Yes, I said it. Again, exceptions to any situation will exist. Health conditions and highly imbalanced hormones can factor into this and cause one to gain weight or to have difficulty losing body fat. Please note, the grand majority of women are not in this situation! Embrace the challenge! If you are already an avid lifter, review your current regimen or modus operandi. A minimum of once per week to a maximum of three times per week is where you will glean results mentioned above. Your body is comprised of two “types” of muscles. Red and white fibers to keep it simple. Your red fibers are accustomed and oriented to endurance activities. They require more oxygen during use and therefore can sustain long periods of exertion. Two examples would be running a marathon or doing a high repetition workout. Your white fibers are not capable of sustained oxygen use, meaning they ‘grab’ O2 and use it quickly for

the activity or exercise at that moment. Once the oxygen is used up, the activity ceases. The muscle group is rendered exhausted. Think of a 40 meter dash or that 3-rep deadlift. A myth has evolved that women should focus on higher repetitions, thereby predominantly activating red fibers. The misconception grew over time. The concern of becoming massively muscled took hold. It won’t happen. It can’t. We don’t have nearly enough testosterone for that first of all. Yes, you would see muscle size increase. Yes, you would experience muscle strength increase. Without training heavy, your white twitch fibers will not be the foundation they should be in order to ‘sculpt’ your body, including the efforts made with endurance training fibers. Both training formats are ideal, alternating them for recovery and progression. The best part of Heavy weight training is that the “heavy” is relative to YOU! A predetermined weightlifting goal is not universal. Nor is a predetermined outcome. What is fascinating is that YOU are the factor in every action. Each of YOU will have your own range for what is heavy weightlifting. If fictitious Karen is capable of squatting 275 pounds for 3-5 repetitions, that is HER heavy set efforts and accomplishments. Your capability will likely differ. The goal is to determine what constitutes your heavy rep sets at the 3-5 rep range. Testosterone is released into the bloodstream at these low rep, heavy lifting workouts. YOU need that! A woman’s testosterone level is much lower than a man’s. Without a doubt, serious women lifters can achieve great muscle mass and strength development, but they are working at this diligently and intensely for that result. Their nutrition and recovery focuses evolve around that goal. Even with that, a long road lays ahead in order to achieve that goal given the lower level of testosterone. Perhaps this read was affirming for you. Perhaps it was an entirely new school of thought in relation to fitness and exercise. Do consider working with a Personal Trainer or qualified Coach to teach you proper lifting techniques and form. With the hundreds in and around Rochester, I remain confident you will find someone who can guide you in heavy weight lifting training and how to include it in your existing plans or create a whole new road. Then you can share your memories with us too.



Who here is satisfied with their weight and how they look? As a Licensed Esthetician and Life Coach I hear it all the time, “I wish I looked like…” In reality we should embrace who we are in all aspects. We are unique and there is only one of us, which makes us priceless. We are our worst critic. We workout until we are blue in the face eat as healthy as we can and still not see the results we want, or we do see the weight loss but the results end in loose skin in which was stretched so much that the elasticity in our skin is so worn and stretched that it will not go back to the state it was in



before the weight gain. So what is a person to do if they can’t lose weight or shrink the fat cells? Let’s take a look at some options: Many people turn to alternatives to help with their weight loss: Diet supplements, Liposuction, and Tummy Tucks to name a few(in which can be risky and scary and also require periods of down time from the surgery for recovery, and who has that kind of time in our fast paced, busy world). Some work and some don’t. It’s a billion dollar industry for things that can have an instant effect and others it can takes months

to achieve just a little bit of weight loss. The kind of money spent is huge. A person may have to take a loan out just to afford some procedures. The Best You Spa in Webster has an alternative way to help boost your weight loss without breaking the bank. It’s a great way to aid in loss of inches and body fat. We work with you to ensure the best results possible. This is treatment is called Lipo Laser. i-Lipo Laser is used in conjunction with a healthy clean eating regimen and a consistent routine of exercise. The i- Lipo Laser is a

RWO and Rochester Drinks want to encourage you to look beyond lawnmower beer, summer ales, and malt beverages to expertly crafted cocktails and tiki inspire concoctions. Summer is a time for rum, gin, and of course vodka.

Many people turn to alternatives to help with their weight loss: Diet supplements, Liposuction, and Tummy Tucks to name a few(in which can be risky and scary and also require periods of down time from the surgery for recovery, and who has that kind of time in our fast paced, busy world). FDA approved, low level of laser energy which blasts fat cells without harming your skin. It sends signals to break down stored triglycerides into free fatty acids and glycerol which then release the fat to be eliminated from the body. This process of releasing fatty acids is a natural response the body has when the body needs to use stored energy reserves. The nice thing about the i-Lipo Laser is that it’s not creating any unnatural reaction in the body nor does it damage or alter any surrounding structures such as skin, blood vessels, and peripheral nerves. This type noninvasive type of i-Lipo treatment that will reduce the appearance of cellulite, fat, and lessen the appearance of stretch marks too. It was created and launched in the UK and won awards in Paris and is now used all over the USA, Canada, and Australia. I-Lipo Laser utilizes red lasers inside of paddles that are placed on your area of concern in a 30 minute session. It is very comfortable, in fact so comfortable that you may even have the want to fall asleep. The lasers shrink fat cells in your 240


body which is called Lipolysis, and breaks down the fat in cells and excretes through your waste by Lymph Drainage. In fact some famous stars like Jessica Alba who has had two children reportedly had a few Lipo Laser sessions to get ready for attending her awards show. Lipo Laser has also been shown and demonstrated on the Riki Lake Show. This procedure can be utilized with Radio Frequency to tighten any loose or sagging skin that may occur with the loss of inches and fat. Radio Frequency is FDA approved and can be used on the face and body alike. The two treatments used together are a powerhouse for maximum benefits to boosting any workout and healthy eating regimen. I have participated in a series of treatments with the i-Lipo Laser and Skin Tightening and followed all instructions and the results I received were noticeable by all who knows me, and I was very happy. I am excited to be offering this to you at a low and affordable cost. Contraindications for these procedures include, pregnancy,

women who are breast feeding, anyone having their menses, having any metal plates in their body, are prone to seizures or have epilepsy. The Best You Spa is here for all of your skincare and body treatment needs. We treat you as an individual and educate you on anything that you have questions on. We believe you are so important that we would love to give you a free consultation, and with that offer you a great offer on a package plan affordable to you from November 1st until March 31st, We are so sure this will help you I have this offer extended just for you to make you are swimsuit ready for the summer months to come. The Best You Spa always wants you and encourages you to be The Best You that you can be! Contact us for a consultation and your great package offer, and let us help you on your journey of success!

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We are officially in November — how did we get here so quickly?! The holiday season can bring so many wonderful things...cozy fires, delicious treats, beautiful snowfalls, and families gathered together to celebrate. Though every invite is well-meaning, keeping up with expectations can become a major drain. With every year, the invitations seem to multiply, and there’s only so much time and attention to go around. As we head into the holiday season, I plan to get a little practice uttering that oh-so-difficult phrase – “No, thank you.” There has to be at least one social, school function, or work thing that can be left off the already crowded calendar. After all, when everything is a priority, nothing is a priority. For our family, when the number of activities we “should” be doing started to outnumber the things we truly wanted to do, we realized that simplifying was the way for all of us to get the most out of the holidays. With two little ones, the time was right for us to start creating simple, meaningful traditions that we could enjoy for years to come.

Inspired Ornaments

Every year, we choose or make an ornament for each family member that represents the past year. Not only are we making our tree more beautiful with each passing year, but it also requires all of us to reflect on memories from the past twelve months, and we usually end up sharing a lot of laughs in the process. We also have tiny, star-shaped 242


ornaments that open up so you can store messages inside. Each year when we put up the tree, we write down our wishes & goals and tuck them inside. We also look at what we wrote the year before, and it’s always entertaining to see how much progress (or not!) we’ve made. When our babies were too little to make wishes of their own, we would write something down for them — it’s just as fun!

Looking at the Lights

For me, the magic of the holidays has always involved a sense of wonder. Every member of my family is captivated by the extraordinary light shows put on at this time of year. No matter what faith tradition you come from, it’s easy to be awe-struck by the joy and hope inspired by a festival of lights. If you’re not sure where to go, check out Kids Out and About Rochester, which updates its list every single day. Someone has even created a Google map that collects reports of great holiday displays in and around the city.

Practicing Gratitude

Cooking Together

I’m half Ukrainian, and my grandmother used to make the most amazing potato and cheese pierogis. To preserve our family recipe and share this special dish with the next generation, I turned pierogi-making into a Christmas-Eve tradition. Meaningful dishes like this one bring everyone together in the act of eating, but can also build bonds through the process of creation. Little hands are great for helping stir, mash, and cut circles out of dough. Those pierogis preserve our heritage and play a big part in the sense of shared identity that makes us family – however far-flung we may be.

There’s nothing like gratitude to keep you grounded, especially amidst the flurry of holiday activity. While Thanksgiving is tailormade for giving thanks, the practice of gratitude can add grace to any occasion, special or otherwise. Get kids in on the love-fest by adding leaves to a thankfulness tree or painting gratefulness rocks to remind them of their blessings. This is one holiday tradition that can happen anywhere, anytime, and with anyone.

Giving to Others

The holidays bring a lot of asks, and they’re often the very best giving opportunities of the year. While every cause may be worthy, your resources can only go so far. Rather than (or in addition to) stretching as far as you possibly can, why not front-load the giving experience by going all in? I don’t mean with your wallet, but rather by giving time and getting the whole family involved. Volunteering is fantastic for kids,

The holiday season can bring so many wonderful things...cozy fires, delicious treats, beautiful snowfalls, and families gathered together to celebrate. and it has the power to unite your family in a spirit of gratitude. At a time when it can feel like the world is shrinking, you’ll all reinvigorate the sense of being part of something bigger.

Unforgettable Activities

Some of my favorite holiday activities ever have been the ones shared with me by others with different cultural backgrounds from my own. We have friends who fill their kids’ shoes with candy to celebrate the feast day of Saint Nicholas. Others make a New Year’s Eve tradition of skewering twelve grapes, one for each month of the coming year. At midnight, they eat them to reveal which months will be sour and which will be sweet. From chosen-family Thanksgiving to Solstice fondue, memorable moments can be as simple as a favorite movie or as

ambitious as a Hanukkah Talent Show. To keep holiday memories fresh, always be on the lookout for new potential traditions.

Only So Serious

There’s nothing worse than holding up a holiday dinner because everything had to be just so. Especially when kids are involved, the plan should be a loose one. By keeping the spirit of the tradition (like when Ralphie’s family ate Chinese for Christmas dinner) and letting go of the details, you’ll keep your family happy and your wits about you.

A Wish for Holidays Yet to Come

I’m as guilty as the next mom of missing out on the present by trying to recreate Christmases past. One of the lessons I learned in my thirties, thanks in part to the arrival of my little ones, was that holidays

evolve. When you have to jump through hoops to make things the way they used to be, the magic can be lost. Letting go can play a big role in preserving the nostalgia of times that (let’s admit) have gone by. I hope these ideas help you to simplify your holiday season and cherish some new traditions with your loved ones this year. Monica Infante is the founder of Babies & Bumps and Toddlers & Tykes, annual events designed to educate parents and connect them with local resources that support their growing families. She lives in Brighton with her husband and two young children.




The 10 Most Common Mistakes People Make When Buying a Home BY PHYLLIS HABERER

I don’t need to tell you that purchasing a home is one of the most significant financial transactions of a person’s life. Houses cost upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars, but they aren’t simply dwellings. Homes serve as the bastion of security, sanctuary, love and support for families, who will make memories in their home for years, decades or even generations. Needless to say, a purchase of such magnitude needs to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, many families put forth a great deal of time, effort and money into their home search, only to have their hopes dashed for a seemingly insignificant reason. Below I have listed the 10 most common mistakes that people make when buying a home. Don’t fall victim to these pitfalls!

1. Starting a home search without being pre-approved for a mortgage.

Lots of us think we know how much of a home we can afford. But meeting with a mortgage lender before you start your search will help ensure you’re looking at the right houses in the right price range. And, when competing offers are presented, often times it’s the buyer with a pre-approval in hand who will win! Call me to schedule your pre-approval appointment – this should be your first step in your home search!

2. Choosing a real estate agent who is not committed to establishing and maintaining a business relationship with you. While there are thousands of agents to choose from, it’s important to make sure the one you choose has the personality and business sense you will need as you search for a home. Are they familiar with the area you’ve chosen? Are they well versed in all aspects of the process - from negotiations through to the closing? I am happy to make some great recommendations for local REALTORS®.

3. Limiting your search to the internet or cruising Open Houses.

There’s a great deal of evidence “out there” that too many of the listings you see in magazines or on the internet have already been sold

or don’t have accurate information about the home. Not only will your licensed real estate agent have the most up-to-date listings, but they also have information on each house that is not available to the general public.

7. Bypassing a home inspection.

4. Thinking there’s only one perfect home out there for you.

8. Not getting adequate homeowner’s insurance prior to closing.

5. Not making a list - or checking it twice.

9. Not buying a home warranty plan.

As you embark on your home finding mission, it’s very easy to think that there’s only one home out there for you - but that’s not necessarily so! New homes come on the market every day so be open and don’t jump on the first house you see!

Before you start your search, make a list of all the things that are important to you in a new home - not just the square footage or number of bedrooms, but school rankings, crime rates, environmental conditions and neighborhood atmosphere. Work with your agent to get the most amount of information you can about both the house and its surroundings!

6. Not considering your long-term housing needs.

Sure, maybe it’s just you and Fido right now, but where will you be 3-5 years from now? Will the home you’ve selected still meet your needs if you marry, have children or even get a friend for Fido?

Sure, home inspections add a bit of cost to the acquisition of your new home but spending the money for an inspection today can save you thousands in repair costs down the road.

You’ll need to purchase home owner’s insurance prior to getting to the closing table. A qualified insurance agent will be able to help you decide what level of insurance you’ll need and answer any insurance questions you might have. A home warranty plan is essentially a mini insurance plan that usually covers any basic repairs you may encounter during your first year of owning your new home. Your real estate agent can help you find the protection plan that is right for you.

10. Not knowing how much your purchase will cost.

Remember, it’s not just the purchase price that you need to look at. Early in your mortgage process, your lender will go over the additional costs you will need to cover - things like home owner’s insurance, association fees, inspection fees, attorney fees and appraisal fees. You should expect to receive a Good Faith Estimate or a Fee Worksheet that will outline these costs. If you don’t receive one, consider switching lenders. Please keep the above items in mind when you begin your home search. A little bit of thought and effort will go a long way in keeping the homebuying process smooth and as stress-free as possible! When you’re ready to learn more about securing a mortgage plan, call Phyllis Haberer at Premium Mortgage Corporation: 1 (585) 314-8511. You can also email her: phyllis@



Well, what do you know: your workout at the gym and bedroom fitness go hand in hand! Over the years, I’ve talked with many of my girlfriends about our sex lives. The one thing that always stood out was how most of my friends who had some sort of fitness regimen talked more openly and happily about their sex lives and how they enjoyed it. On the other hand, the ones that did not maintain a fitness regimen or who were just not fit often spoke about their sex lives as though it was one of their tasks; like it was up there with mopping the floors. It actually annoyed them when their partners wanted to make love! They didn’t feel comfortable with the lights on, and often they were just too tired for a bedroom “workout” session. This blew my mind! Making love or having sex—whichever you prefer to call it—is a wonderful thing! I felt the need to share what I thought. If you’ve started to feel too tired in your day-to-day life, or if you’re just not feeling sexy enough anymore, do something about it! It’s unfortunate, and oftentimes those feelings lead to relationships growing stale in the bedroom. Don’t let your sex life go down the drain! Men aren’t the only ones who should be enjoying the heck out of their sex lives! It’s not their fault if we let ourselves go. Yes, I get it—we get caught up in this thing called life; taking care of our partners, kids, jobs, bills, and not taking care of ourselves. We tend to put our fitness regimen on the permanent back burner of life, and by consequence our sex lives seem to go along with it. Whether or not you have previously worked out, prioritizing getting fit will lead you to the energy and confidence in your body that will enhance your bedroom sessions! So, let’s get you back on the love train!



Here are a few key components shared by a fitness regimen and making love. Fitness regimen: • Enhanced endurance • Greater strength • Improved flexibility MAKING LOVE/SEX • Challenges endurance • Challenges strength • Challenges flexibility In order to cash in on the benefits of a healthy sex life, you’ve got to be a consistent with your workouts at the gym. Pick activities you that enjoy

and can also benefit your 3 main components of fitness and fitsex! Put them on your schedule as you would any other important task, and schedule them at least three to four times a week. Thirty minutes is all it takes to get a great workout in at the gym! It’s a fact that you’ll see results soon after you’ve started your fitness regimen. Let’s also keep in mind that I am not suggesting that you drop a certain weight or alter physical appearance. All I want you to do is get your fitness and fitsex on! We are all made beautifully different, and so we all too have goals of fitness that are different. What we need to do is embrace

our individual bodies and make them the best they can be. Give yourself the gift of confidence with your clothes on and off. Totally engage in your bedroom fitness sessions! TO ENHANCE ENDURANCE, HERE ARE SOME IDEAS: • Join a HIIT class • Running/jogging • Swimming • Combine strength days & cardio days • Reduce your amount of rest between exercises • Add explosive movements to your workout TO ENHANCE STRENGTH: • Bodyweight and weighted exercises • Squat • Deadlifts • Reverse lunge • Glute bridge • Push-ups • Rows • Pull ups • Overhead press • Planks TO ENHANCE FLEXIBILITY: • Bridge with leg reach • Seated trunk twists • Standing head to knees stretch • Seated butterfly stretch • Twisted arm stretch • Downward facing dog • Warrior pose (yoga in general) I hope these few suggestions take any and all excuses away from you getting your overall health and fitness regimen started and enhancing your bedroom fitness! Get back on the fitsex grind! You are worth it!! From the House of KitFit5pt0…..Commit to Fit!! Strive to be the best version of yourself!! Kitty Teresi Mixed Martial Artist Fitness Trainer



Let’s state the obvious. The holidays are around the corner. We always think we are ready for it, but then the months sneak up on us and suddenly, the season is here. It’s stressful enough planning holiday gatherings for family and friends, but if you are also in charge of planning a party for your office, club or organization, the workload can get overwhelming. There’s the venue, catering, decorations and of course entertainment.

WHAT IS THE ATTIRE FOR THE PARTY (BLACK TIE, SUIT, JEANS AND T-SHIRT)? I know as an entertainer I want to fit in with my crowd. So, if I’m doing a corporate holiday party at a downtown venue, I will dress differently than I would if entertaining for a party at a local watering hole. The entertainer should fit your crowd, so make sure you pass along this information.

I can’t help you with the food, but here are some questions you should ask before hiring any professional entertainment for your holiday party or event.


WHAT IS YOUR GOAL FOR THE EVENT? Think of your theme for the party. Are you looking for a fun time with laughs or do you have a certain agenda for your party goers? The answer to this question will help you determine what type of entertainment fits best for your party. Come up with your top three or four ideas to research. W H AT I S Y O U R BUDGET? Even the smallest office party has a budget for their event. Take those top ideas and do a little research on what is available. Make sure to ask about what’s included with the fee and how long they are available for the quoted price. The price can also vary based on the popularity of the entertainer or how far they must travel. Try out sites such as GigMasters or GigSalad to browse, contact and hire a variety of entertainment options.

For larger holiday parties or events, you may want to have a couple entertainment options lined up to keep guests engaged and at your party longer. You may have the main entertainer such as a comedian or hypnotist, but you may also want to plan for a DJ or karaoke after the show. Multiple forms of entertainment will cover a range of ages and interests so everyone has a good time. IS DINNER BEING SERVED? Yes, it’s a courtesy to feed your entertainer, but the main reason for this question is

to make sure you are getting the most out of your planned entertainment. Entertaining takes concentration both from your guests and the entertainer. If people are eating or talking during the “show”, they are not getting the best experience and you are not getting your money’s worth. Try to plan your party agenda to avoid any clashes or distractions from the main event. DOES YOUR HOLIDAY VENUE HAVE ENOUGH ROOM OR EQUIPMENT NEEDED FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT? Check with your entertainer and venue on what equipment or space is needed to pull off a successful party. Sometimes entertainers charge extra fees if they bring their own equipment, so make sure to ask what is needed before you are invoiced for extras. The holidays are a wonderful time of year and it’s commendable that you also took on the extra responsibility of planning a holiday party for your co-workers. There are lots of different and unique entertainment options out there to make your holiday party something to remember. Let the holidays begin! About the Author H. Douglas Jones is the owner of Jones Hypnosis and the Howie Hypnotize Comedy Hypnosis Show. He is a Board Certified Hypnotist (BCH) and instructor with the National Guild of Hypnotists.



If you could go back in time and tell your high-school self what college is really like, what would you say? That’s the opportunity three University of Rochester students had recently when they visited with seniors at Young Women’s College Prep Charter School to share the “real deal” about college. The panel was organized by the Young Women’s College Prep Foundation to help the students, many of whom will be the first in their family to go to college, make a successful transition from high school to college.



“It’s finally their senior year and college is becoming a reality for our students,” said Lauri Bonnell, director of development for the YWCP Foundation. “We want to make sure the students are ready in every way – not just academically, but socially and emotionally, too.”

questions ranging from “What’s the food like?” to “How did you choose your major?” They also inquired about how to find a campus job, and got personal with questions about dealing with homesickness and maintaining friendships with people from home.

So they connected with three University of Rochester students - Sophomore Nia Tucker, Senior Stephanie Camacho, and Sophomore Domeiry Gonzalez - to host an intimate and honest discussion about their college experience, especially as young women of color. Right away the seniors began raising their hands with

Stephanie shared her struggles of adapting to the realities of college. “I struggled with learning how to get grades below a B. I was always a straight-A student…but I’ve since found out that there will be people smarter than you,” she said. “At college you come into contact with people who were also the head of their classes,

and it will make you start to doubt yourself. But honestly if you need help, there are all sorts of resources like free tutoring, and the professors have office hours, which I highly recommend!” The conversation was often personal, such as when a YWCP student asked “Do you ever feel discouraged?” at which the panelists replied in unison: “YES!” Domeiry then responded,“ That’s why you need someone to motivate you. There will be days that you don’t feel like going to class, and you may need to talk to someone about it – a friend, your counselors, a teacher.” Stephanie chimed in, “Self-care is always number one. You get discouraged every day from so many types of stresses but you have to look out for yourself.” The students also inquired about what the panelists’ senior year of high school entailed.

Nia answered, ”I took easier classes to focus more on college applications, and I got involved into more after school activities.” Domeiry had the opposite experience. “I took AP classes, and although I hated it, it was worth it,” she said. “I got a five on AP Spanish and I had 12 college credits.”

Fortunately, despite the obstacles, Stephanie has continued to be in great spirits about her college experience. “However,” she added, “if I didn’t go to college, I don’t know what I’d be doing right now. You learn a lot in college - how to deal with people, how to cook, how to be someone’s boss…”

One of the most touching topics was how to deal with ignorance at college. Stephanie spoke of the culture shock she experienced when she came to college. “Being raised in Brooklyn… you are used to multiple races of people and different accents. It’s a melting pot. And then when I went to college and I started to be in places where often times I was the only one that looked like me…it was a lot to take in,” she said. “People started judging me for how I spoke, or when they found out that I was an immigrant, but sadly you get used to it.”

The Real Deal College Panel certainly lived up to its name. As the panel ended, the girls of YWCP left with some important insight and perhaps a new perspective. They even got a critical survival tip for college freshman. “Rule #1,” said Domiery, “Never ever wear your lanyard around your neck. That’s the first sign that you’re a freshman!”