Leading Like a Champion
by Nick Vujicic p.2Conscious Language: The Power of Words for a Leader by GJ Reynolds p.14 Volume 2 Issue 1
Team Building: Your Greatest Asset as a Leader by Tim
Smith p.6Lead from the Center: How to Avoid Leadership Lag by Kim
Levings p.10
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2: Issue 1
Welcome to this Issue of InFocus, ICCI’s premier publication. Every quarter, you will receive your next Issue as a valued Member. Each Issue highlights a unique theme related to the world of Christian Life Coaching—to include in depth articles by leading voices in the field, as well as a selection of regular columnists who share their expertise. The theme for this quarter is LEADERSHIP. Throughout history, models of biblical leadership have been forged with values such as compassion, courage, wisdom, sacrifice, stewardship, and servanthood, which when taken together, help any organization remain committed to God-honoring and ethical practice. Like a map and compass, these are the essential principles that help chart a successful course for leaders. Our authors for this Issue include Nick Vujicic, GJ Reynolds, Kim Levings, and Tim Smith. Our columnists are Steve Arterburn, Dr. Mark Crear, Steve Lentz, Esq., Dr. Rita Murray, and Dr. Eric Scalise. We hope you enjoy learning more about leadership in this Issue of InFocus.
Since moving from California to Texas in June of 2021, I and my team at Life Without Limbs have received many divinely providential opportunities that have led us to launch a new method of sharing the Gospel with the lost and brokenhearted. What started out as a proposal for a year-end campaign has now grown into a focused year-long initiative. “Champions for the Brokenhearted” is a threefold way of looking at the Great Commission and reaching those who are hurting. Psalm 34:18 is a reminder that, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in
spirit.” The brokenhearted are all around us. They are suffering from many schemes of the enemy, as well as selfish decisions and hurts from their past. God has shown us 13 specific groups of people to intentionally reach this year: the trafficked, unborn, disabled, prisoners, orphans, widowed, abused, addicted, suicidal, bullied, veterans, poor, and the persecuted.
As a ministry that has focused on standing at the gates of hell and redirecting traffic for the past 16 years, we aspire to be close to the brokenhearted, meeting them where they’re at in their situations
A good leader leads by doing, by being the example, by seeking to leave things better than when he or she entered the environment. Jesus is the ultimate example of good leadership and the ultimate champion.
and understanding of God. Just as Matthew 25:35 reminds us it’s not enough to respond to those who are hurting only with a, “We’ll-be-praying-for-you” answer. Life Without Limbs knows we must do more than simply acknowledge there is brokenness in the world because we have the means to do something more. When we don’t talk about the relevant issues of today, when we ignore the hurt all around us, when we refuse to get involved, we are participating in the sin of omission. It is time for the Church to lead and take back territory the enemy has claimed, and this cannot be done
without speaking the truth of God’s Word and preaching His full gospel.
The brokenhearted do not need more temporary solutions to deeply rooted hurts. They do not need more opinions thrown at them. They need the truth, and the ultimate truth is Jesus . . . not news reports, not the government, but the King of Kings, the Lion and the Lamb, the Son of God! Getting individuals and the Church as a whole to participate in the fight has become harder these past few years. Whether it’s because of the fear of being “canceled” or simply not seeing the
challenges the brokenhearted face, the Body of Christ seems divided and afraid to get involved with messy issues.
This reality leads us to the next part of our initiative: We want the Church to stand up and move off the bench of passivity and onto the front lines wearing the full armor of God. Through the Never Chained Talk Show, we seek to unite with other Christ followers like never before. And that’s another thing Satan hates, unity. As wolves look to separate their prey, the enemy seeks to divide the people of God. However, just as the Apostle Paul describes the Roman army locking shields before marching into combat, we must also come together in order to take back territory. Our ministry partners are some of the most Jesus-loving, tenacious lions in God’s army, and we are honored to lock shields with these fearless leaders. They are like-minded individuals and organizations who have felt the heat from standing at the gates of hell and refuse to look or walk away. These lions have a desire to hold onto the truth—the core principles Jesus died for—while maintaining a soft heart for those who have suffered from not knowing that truth.
While the Never Chained Talk Show will be a powerful reminder for those who have been sleeping to wake up, it will not be the complete solution to reaching the hurting. We recognize brokenness is rarely visible and that everyone is broken, some more than others. As we work to bridge the gap between those who are hurting
and God as Healer, we need more leaders to rise up and help close the gap. One ministry that has been standing in the gap for years has also enthusiastically joined us in our initiative: Hope for the Heart. Each month, as we release a gospel message and host a talk show, targeting each specific group, Hope for the Heart and our monthly ministry partners are providing critical “next step” resources specifically created for the brokenhearted.
The Great Commission neither says, “Go into the world and make friends with the world” nor, “Go only into your church and make disciples.” Jesus was clear in that we need to go beyond the walls of familiarity, beyond the walls of comfort, and champion His cause. He did not only challenge one disciple. It was directed to all of them . . . to all of us. Therefore, we as the many disciples who make up the Body of Christ are commanded by the Lion of Judah to find the lost sheep, defend them with truth, and guide them with God’s love.
Although the title may sound heroic, being a champion is not about receiving a trophy and it’s not about taking the credit; it is however, all about Jesus. When we look at Christ in terms of leadership, He led by being grounded in truth and He spoke with deep love for the brokenhearted. A good leader leads by doing, by being the example, by seeking to leave things better than when he or she entered the environment. Jesus is the ultimate example of good leadership and the ultimate champion. We know He lived among the brokenhearted and valued sharing the truth in love over gaining popularity. He restored brokenness and offered hope wherever He went. We are better off because Jesus held onto the truth of Scripture. He participated in the fight and He was willing to come and be sacrificed as the Lamb of God.
In addition to seeing Him as the ultimate Champion in Hebrews 12:2, one thing we have taken note of when forming this initiative is that Jesus always had three types of groups around Him:
the disciples whom He taught, the unsaved whom He loved with grace and shared truth with, and the Pharisees whom He corrected. Using this as our guide, we hope Champions for the Brokenhearted draws these three types of crowds. I say this because to the church and our supporters, we seek to teach the importance of being a champion, a lion who protects the sheep and rebukes the wolves. To the brokenhearted, we humble ourselves to our own brokenness before earnestly reaching out to them with the hope Jeremiah 29:11 offers and the love John 3:16 displays. And to the “Pharisees” and the wolves dressed in shepherd’s clothing, we fervently pray this initiative will inspire crooked speech to be made straight and malicious intent be brought into the light.
Champions for the Brokenhearted serves to be a beacon of hope, as well as a sounding trumpet. While we continue to lock shields at the gates of
hell, we know we fight from victory and not for victory, because through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the enemy has been defeated. And because of this assurance, we are excited to enter into this year with God’s grace blowing on our backs and the eternal joy He has given us, fueling our torches as we continue to bring light into the darkest corners.
Nick Vujicic is an Australian-American born without arms or legs who has become a worldrenowned speaker, New York Times best-selling author, coach, and entrepreneur. Nick persevered through life’s challenges and discovered key principles that enabled him to find his purpose and turn obstacles into opportunities, making him one of the most sought-after keynote speakers in the world. Nick travels the globe speaking to millions of students in partnership with education departments of several governments. Nick has created an innovative Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Curriculum called “Attitude Is Altitude,” wherein he teaches students to make positive changes in their lives and their communities. He is also the founder and CEO of the nonprofit ministry Nick V Ministries. He personally connects with his huge social media following through “The Nick Vujicic Podcast,” and engages through webinars and coaching. Husband to his beautiful wife Kanae and father of four children, Nick’s passion is to inspire and equip the world to know we all can rise above adversity and overcome every disability of the heart and mind! See more at: www.nickvujicic.com
Building a brilliant team is your job as a leader. Nothing you do is more important or adds more value. Stick to your organizational mission when hiring key team players. All prima donnas look great on paper.
My favorite part of leadership is team building. In a previous position, I had the privilege of building a team from scratch for my division within the organization. All told, I had a staff of more than thirty people. I loved my team. They were some of the hardest-working and most creative people I have ever worked with.
The strength of any great ministry organization will be its people. Building the right team around a leader is as important as—if not more important than—the actual selection of a great CEO. These are the people who execute and implement plans. Let’s look at several examples of how the right
people have helped organizations rise—while in contrast, the wrong team members have mired organizations in mediocrity and failure.
Hiring the right people is an obvious need as we build our teams. However, I am always amazed at how it often takes hiring three people in order to find the one person you really need. This can be expensive and hard on the morale of your organization. The following are some basic questions I like to have answered in the decisionmaking process.
1. Do They Have a Clear Career Path and Track?
I love to hire people who have a clear path and vision for where they are going. I am seldom impressed with individuals who are merely “settling” for a position or jumping into a role that seems convenient for them. One day, I was standing on the street shooting a promo video when working for an organization. A young lady recognized me from some of my promotional emails and she gave me her elevator pitch—how she believed she was meant to work for the organization, breaking it down for me as an intentional thought out game plan over the last two or three years. I was so impressed with her planning and passion for the job that I couldn’t help but pass her name along for an interview.
2. Are They Lifelong Learners?
Are we hiring people with a desire to improve, increase, and enhance their skill set? This is a big issue for me. Even people being hired into jobs later in their careers need to know they still have a lot to learn. This includes us. We need to be willing to change up our game, try new things, and get out of our comfort zones to bring the organization success.
3. Do They Have a Shared Passion for Your Mission?
Natural passion for any project is key. With a strong prospect pool of candidates, we want to do more than hire the brightest and the best. We want people who share the mission and vision of what we are all about. At one organization, I would ask interviewees questions that were directly related to the group’s mission statement. From there, I would get an idea of their affinity for the organization. If they stumbled through the answer, I assumed they may likewise stumble through our core values and principles.
Many ministries and organizations have strong human resource teams to help validate candidates for key positions. However, you may work for a ministry that does not have that capacity, maybe a small organization or one that is just starting out. Always do some research on candidates for the critical roles you are filling. Today, the tools are right at our fingertips. Go to social media first—see what kind of persona they have there. It’s pretty easy to understand a person’s value system by seeing how they like to represent themselves. Obviously, you need to do your due diligence on their work history— referencing their past roles in organizations, etc. Dive deep and go wide. Find out everything you can before you hire people. Some of the best personnel moves you can make in your organization are to move away from certain people. Saying, “No” to someone can be as valuable as saying, “Yes.” It will save you a lot of time and possibly a lot of money if you don’t have to make the course corrections later after you have hired the wrong person.
During the interview, decision-making, and selection process, ask interesting and probing questions that will help candidates reveal the deeper issues and values of who they are. Here are some different ones I have picked up over my career:
• On a Scale of One to Ten, How Weird Are You?
The manner in which a person answers this question says a lot about them. Do they own their own distinctives? Their idiosyncrasies? Are they nervous about “fitting in?” It’s the discussion after they answer the initial question that will tell you something about the job candidate.
• What Would You Say Is the Biggest Misperception People Have of You?
I love this kind of question, as it gets the candidate responding beyond the basic idea of “What are your goals?” or “What do you want to do with your life?” This question gets them “into the weeds” of who they are and how they are viewed.
• What Would I Observe of You in Six Months that I Have No Idea of Right Now?
This is something that gets job candidates projecting themselves down the road within an organization—thinking about things such as how we relate to others when we bump into our first conflict. I have had amazing, dynamic staff members who were the most loved and admired until we had a point of disagreement, conflict or we shifted off a specific skill set. When that happens with a person, it may reveal a side you never thought was present. While asking questions such as this during a job interview will not necessarily get to the core of a person, you may make some headway in understanding their internal wiring.
• Where Do You Want to Be in the Future? Do You Think You Are Going to Be Different than You Are Today?
This question helps identify people with ambition and drive and helps demonstrate their depth. What is their long-term ambition, goals
or vision within the organization? A good staff candidate will say something like, “Of course I’m going to be different.” Then you can follow up with, “So how are you going to grow from the person you are today to the person you will become?”
I love New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick’s simple formula: “Do your job.” University of Alabama head football coach Nick Saban’s focus is “the process.” Each play in a football game lasts about seven seconds. You need to win those seven seconds, then rest to get ready for the next play. Don’t look at the scoreboard or the time remaining in the game. Break it down to seven seconds and win those seven seconds.
Retired US Army general Stanley McChrystal wrote a book titled Team of Teams: New Rules of Engagement for a Complex World. When McChrystal took command of the Joint Special Operations Task Force in Iraq in 2003, he quickly realized that conventional military tactics were failing. The allied forces had a huge advantage in numbers, equipment, and training, but none of the enemy’s speed and flexibility. McChrystal and his colleagues discarded a century of conventional wisdom to create a “team of teams” that combined
extremely transparent communication with decentralized decision-making authority. Everything became faster, flatter, and more flexible.
Sometimes even the oldest proven ideas need to be set aside for the good of your organization. More than once during my career, I have had a strong sense that I could not simply just rely on the skills and experience I had developed. Rather, I needed to look at new paradigms—or even create a “new normal” of ministry leadership. Wendy Maynard wrote on KinesisInc.com that leaders of great companies ask, “First who, then what?” Angela Ahrendts, past senior vice president for Apple retail, shared her hiring secrets in a LinkedIn.com article, titled “How I Hire: My Guiding Principles.”
• Me vs. We
I want to gain insight into how they see themselves in the world.
• IQ vs. EQ
Now that they are comfortable and their guard is down, I want to understand how they naturally navigate in the world.
• Left Brain vs. Right Brain
I then like to go a little deeper to discover what lens they look at the world through.
• Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
Lastly, I love to learn what guides them in the world or frames their reference points.
In closing . . . building a brilliant team is your job as a leader. Nothing you do is more important or adds more value. Stick to your organizational mission when hiring key team players. All prima donnas look great on paper. The test is in your people instincts. Does this person raise the bar for others and lift the value of your organization? Or does he or she create a significant culture break and personality conflict? Do not sacrifice the chemistry of the team for that prima donna. He or she might destroy your culture and your ecosystem with one bad decision or as Netflix CEO Reed Hastings puts it, “Do not tolerate brilliant jerks; the cost of teamwork is too high.”
Tim Smith, MA, has over 35 years of experience with nonprofit organizations in administration, management, leadership, and fund development. He has also served as a Development Officer in nonprofit organizations and Executive Pastor for two megachurches. Tim recently served as Chief Development Officer for the Museum of the Bible and is the Founder and President of NonProfit DNA, a development and consulting agency. Together with his daughter, Christie Meldrim, Tim is the Founder of Blended, Not Broken, a ministry organization providing resources for blended families. He is married to Olivia, and they share a total of six children. Tim is the author of Donors Are People Too: Managing Relationships with Your Ministry’s Major Contributors, a book on the art of personal relationship with donors, and What Have I Gotten Myself Into, released in 2019. See more at www.blendednotbroken.org
First, your leadership resonates with who you are at the core, and second, you lead best from the center of your people—not above, not below, but in the center.
Following many years in the industry, it becomes apparent most Human Resource and Workforce Development professionals end up becoming the cleanup crew behind bad leadership. Just to clarify—I don’t really believe there are “bad” leaders per se or “problem” people either. Instead, in the world of the workforce, you encounter people who have problems. Those problems in turn create less than positive outcomes in what we are doing, how we are showing up with each other, and how we are driving results or not. This article addresses the problems most often experienced by leaders, and how leading from the center is a strategy for exceptional leadership, no matter the challenges and circumstances.
My guess is that most leaders do not get up in the morning thinking, “How can I be a jerk today?” or “I wonder if I can completely undermine my team today?” They don’t. Leaders often have good “intentions” behind their behaviors and actions, even if the implementation is poor and unbalanced. They want to achieve “something” and hope to do that through their own efforts and with the help of others. It’s my opinion that the problem is not necessarily with intent nor even with the desired outcome. The problem inevitably lies in the execution of leadership—the gap between what we think we want and what we achieve. How we do things depends entirely on how we think. How we think, in turn, is driven by our belief systems. That
means most of our actions are in a “default” mode, coming from a place of familiar patterns and habits.
I am not going to unpack every possible individual thought pattern or habit that may be negatively impacting leadership for you or your team. Instead, I want to pull out the symptoms of what I refer to as, “Leadership Lag”—the topic of a leadership webinar I recently taught. When you, as a leader, are not showing up as the leader you could be, chances are you have some “lag” happening.
Some examples of the recognizable symptoms of Leadership Lag include:
• The work is no longer fun and everything is a struggle
When you are working outside of your strengths and passion, things become more difficult.
• Team members are not on the same page
Sometimes being overloaded with too much work, not enough time (unrealistic goals), and overall stress, results in weaker communications and sometimes, this disappears altogether.
• You are overworked and burned out
This is another outcome of unrealistic expectations of yourself, other people, and the situation.
• You are seeing less of your family or significant others and when you are there, you really aren’t present
What matters most in life gets pushed aside when work becomes overwhelming and the burden of leadership too heavy.
• You have lost enthusiasm for the vision
Setbacks, conflicts, frustrations, and disappointments can all create a “wind” that blows out the flame of desire. It becomes a little harder to “talk yourself off the cliff” each time.
• You start questioning your value to the organization and others
Further downstream from the previous symptoms, this type of victim-mindset only ever comes from a place of reactive stress. It’s not the real you—it’s the negative, reactive part of your brain running the show because your more rational brain is not engaged (the stress has hijacked it).
This is not a pretty picture and certainly not a comfortable place to be for any leader. Yet, I am astounded at just how many leaders experience one or more of these symptoms on a regular basis! Here are a few quick steps to help get you out of this lag cycle.
Until you get off the bike, you can’t think. So just stop running for a few minutes a day. Take some deep breaths and re-center yourself.
Ask yourself what you want and where you are going. Re-engage the cortical pathways of your brain (four regions of the cerebral cortex where visual and emotional systems are extensively interconnected) to shut out the stress.
Clarify what the desired outcome is and how you want to get there. Reframe any setbacks into learning and growth opportunities and re-set the goals into a realistic framework.
Set yourself up for success with no more than three immediate “next steps” you can take within the next 24 hours in order to see some tangible progress.
Only when you have done what I call “ReThink You” are you ready to get back into the game, and that’s when you can learn how to lead from the center, so you do not end up in the burnout and lag cycle again. When I coach leaders who are stuck in a reactive, anxiety-driven cycle, I find it beneficial to take them through the ReThink You process I created before we move on to any leadership development. In a nutshell, this is about retraining the brain to unleash yourself to live out your Godgiven design and purpose. This is because healthy development requires a healthy, functioning cortical pathway.
There are some common themes that turn average leaders into transformational leaders . . . all of them start with the word “within.” When I refer to “leading from the center,” it has a duality in emphasis. First, your leadership resonates with who you are at the core, and second, you lead best from the center of your people—not above, not below, but in the center. It was once said that people don’t leave companies, they leave managers. This is a true statement in most situations. Poor leadership will almost always influence turnover, which has a costly impact in any organization, because the impact is not only financial. What are the commonalities of leaders who lead from the center?
They INSPIRE
People who feel inspired and know they are having an impact, will show up in a positive, productive way. Effective leaders create engaging
vision and help people rise to it. Employee engagement will be a natural outcome. Too many leaders spend money and effort to create employee engagement, when in fact, it will only happen if you create an emotionally safe, creatively encouraging, and trustworthy work environment. In their exceptional publication, The Art of Possibility, Benjamin Zander and Rosamund Stone Zander include a chapter entitled, “Give everyone an A.” This remarkable principle can be adapted by every leader and at its root is a powerful concept: people will always rise to the level of your expectations, not their own, because Archilochus, the Greek lyrical poet, was right about people falling to the level of their training, rather than rising to their expectations. If we fall to the level of our training, all we can do is rely on our leaders to help us rise to higher expectations. I am surprised at how many leaders fail to do this and instead, focus on what people are not doing. You will always get what you expect, so it’s preferable to expect good outcomes.
• They Are HUMAN
Be honest, be transparent, and do your job. Leadership is a team sport. A good rule of thumb is to give the team credit for the successes and take ownership for the failures—it was on your watch. Leaders who create toxic work environments are those who hide behind other people or circumstances. Blaming, complaining, undermining, triangulation . . . these are all toxic behaviors. Be honest and lead with integrity. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. As much as is reasonable, be honest and transparent. Trust comes from transparency. If your people do not know what you are thinking, feeling or believe, you are confused and off track. The outcome is that trust “leaks” and vision leaks along with it.
• They STAND FIRM and ACT with CONFIDENCE
Make good decisions and follow through. Your people need to know you have got their backs. Wrong decisions are often better than no decisions. Make decisions in the interests of the vision, the goals of the organization, and the people—they are all equally important. Sometimes you will have to make tough decisions and those are best done quickly, but never reactively. This will cause your people to feel more secure. Keep in mind that when you make a decision, you are doing it based on the information you currently have related to risks, variables, potential outcomes. Hindsight after a bad decision is always a good teacher, but the fear of failure should never hold you back from being decisive when your team needs you to be.
• They are AFFIRMING
Great leaders are fully present with their people. They listen, watch, teach, correct. Recognize and reward the actions and outcomes you want more of. Support and encourage through the tough times and the mistakes.
For information on a webinar on Three Secrets to a Better Type of Life, see 99pslodq.pages. infusionsoft.net. Also, in my book, What People Want—the 5 T’s of Effective People Leadership, I provide leaders a handbook on how to effectively manage an employee from hire to transition. Every one of the steps involves communication, trust, and leadership. Every day, find the “A” in your people and recognize them . . . affirm them. I am surprised at how many people can effectively take care of a plant in their offices and yet, have people on their team who are not thriving or growing. People are a lot like plants; they need daily nourishment too. It takes engaging relationships with your team to be an exceptional leader. Leading from the center will encourage transformational interactions in which you are open, build trust, and act ethically and respectfully. Leading from the center also reduces the frequency of leadership lag. Those who lead from the center are rooted in God’s love and compassion.
Kim Levings, originally from South Africa, is an experienced and well-regarded professional with more than 35 years of experience in the fields of training development and life coaching. Her work in the corporate, non-profit, and church arenas, has positioned her with a unique understanding of the challenges, successes, and best strategies for leaders and followers alike. Kim is the Founder and CEO of ReThinkYou Consulting, providing a mix of personal development, leadership, and team development training and coaching programs. The ReThinkYou podcast has published more than 35 episodes since 2020. She has held executive and other leadership positions in Human Resources and Manpower Development with national retail corporations in South Africa, has walked alongside ministry founders, and consulted on other projects to create scalable solutions in building and equipping teams. For ten years, Kim was Executive Director of the National Outreach Convention, bringing thousands of church leaders together every year in San Diego. Kim also served as Vice President of Client Experience for a management consulting firm, during which she led the deployment of Serving Leadership in several large healthcare organizations, as well as a division of the Dept. of Veterans Affairs. Kim is a Master Coach for Think-X, where she has provided subject matter expertise and senior consulting for more than 25 years, is a podcast host, and author of five books. For more, see kimlevings.com
Understand the law of focus: Whatever you place your attention on is what you create. It is important to focus on the positive thing you desire rather than the negative thing you choose to avoid.
Are you ready to choose a shift in your conscious language? Positive impactful leaders understand the power of their words. With conscious use of your language, you can make word choices that heal rather than hurt, build rather than destroy, live rather than die, and create the results you truly desire rather than those you fear. Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” Positive impactful leaders focus on what they choose to
have versus what they do not want, and they say what is versus what is not. Did you know each time you say, “I want” or “I need,” you are focusing on a lack of what you have or what you do not want? When you say, “I want,” you are in effect saying, “I don’t have this.” It signifies desire without having. “I need” works the same way; it means, “This is not in my current or present life.” Lack! Lack! Lack! Is more lack what you desire to have?
Are you using words to create less or more of what you choose? Instead of saying, “I want” or “I need,” change the want or need to choose. I choose to create. By expressing your desire in terms of what you want, you are actually creating more of the wanting than anything else. When you are doing the choosing, then you are empowering yourself with the choices you have made and allowing the Holy Spirit an opportunity to be engaged. God has given us the gift of free will and the ability to make
choices. Empowering leaders use the power of choice wisely . . . understanding that “with God, all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
Let’s take a look at some commonly used words, beginning with the word not. Webster’s definition of not is, “to express negation, denial, refusal or prohibition; interjection to indicate that a previous statement is untrue.” Instead of stating what you do not desire to have, state what you do desire to
have, and what is. Another frequently used word is try. When you say you are going to “try” to do something, this implies the result is not sure. Somewhere in there, it suggests failure is possible. Unconsciously, you may be hesitant to truly desire or plan to accomplish your task, goal or objective. By using try, you may be unwittingly setting yourself up for failure. You are acknowledging beforehand that you might not achieve the outcome you are seeking. In short, the word try provides an individual with a handy excuse for failure. Why use the word try at all? Saying “I will,” “I will do it,” “I will do my best to get there” or “I will trust God in the process,” provides an entirely different focus to what is being conveyed. “Will,” “do” or “doing” actually involves initiating and completing a task, goal or objective.
But is another word commonly used to create a negative. The definition of but is, “on the contrary; yet; except; save; unless; if not; except that; without the circumstance that; otherwise than.” The word but cancels out what was just stated previously. In most cases, the word but creates separation or negates what was previously said. An example is, “He is a great decision maker, but he is also trustworthy.” The word but cancels out the first part of this particular statement. An interesting and often overlooked reality is the ability to avoid words that are negating your desire. What is more empowering and inclusive is using the word and. Here is the same statement using and. “He is a great decision maker and he is also trustworthy.” This
statement creates inclusion. Any time you use the word but, consider exchanging it with the word and. Your statements will have much more positive flow and power.
Do you see how common phrases are used to be positive and actually have a negative meaning or action? How many words do you use as a leader that create negativity or destroys what you choose, even when joking? The use of negative fun— making fun of, jesting or using sarcasm—goes into the subconscious mind on some level. The word sarcasm comes from a word that means, “the tearing of flesh.” Sarcasm is received directly by the subconscious mind. Even when the cognitive part of a person is joking, the emotional component may be feeling pain, hurt, disappointment or rejection. There is a way to laugh in beauty, in joy, and in harmony. Laughing with yourself or lightening up is really important. Joking around can be a great form of expression, just be sure you are being positive when doing so. This honors both you and the ones you are interacting with. Be positive and use humor to build self-esteem.
A conscious language leader is practiced at hearing and listening to the mechanics and nuances of both their own language and that of others. Review your own statements and affirmations and the words you tend to say out loud or to yourself, then evaluate how positive you are actually being. When you can identify the words and phrases that are self-sabotaging, it will make it easier for you to more easily upgrade your language and leadership impact.
Understand the law of focus: Whatever you place your attention on is what you create. It is important to focus on the positive thing you desire rather than the negative thing you choose to avoid. Leaders communicate best when they are clear about who they are and what they intend. The best positive reinforcement for conscious language statements and affirmations are “I” statements such as, “I am” or “I am and I choose.” These can
be powerful statements to demonstrate personal accountability and responsibility, to connect yourself to others, a situation, an important decision, and more. Follow up with a positive word or statement, one that comes from a place of faith, confidence, and trust in God.
Two of the most powerful words in the English language are the words I and am. They help define you—your personality, your subconscious, your ego, and your spirit—exactly who you are. God used “I Am” in His interaction with Moses (Exodus 3) and Jesus made seven deliberate statements in the Gospel of John using “I Am” in describing Himself: “I am the Bread of Life” (6:35), “I am the Light of the World” (8:12), “I am the Door” (10:9), “I am the Good Shepherd” (10:11), “I am the Resurrection and the Life” (11:25), “I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life” (14:6), “I am the Vine” (15:1). When you use the phrase “I am,” your subconscious mind instantly goes on alert. You are providing a mental trigger and road map for what you desire, have or choose. There are three dynamics that happen when you use “I choose.” First, you provide empowerment to yourself. Second, you decide to make the choice for yourself. And third, you come from a position of strength instead of a position of weakness. You decide to choose, which creates your personal choice. When you choose, you are using your will to do so. Always come from a positive position of strength.
Cleaning up your language to speak consciously will require practice on your part. This allows you to cancel out any self-sabotaging or negative thoughts, words, and statements. It is a way to immediately overcome the negative and upgrade your leadership impact. You will also be able to understand and avoid using words that will tear you and others down and try to convince you that you are unable to succeed. When you catch yourself using words with negative connotations or ones that indicate a weakened or loss of responsibility for your actions or choices, replace the words with a positive or empowering conscious choice of words. Upgrading your language turns your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Positive impactful leaders know their intent and create the results they are looking for by using what they choose in their own thoughts, words, and actions. “A person’s words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook” (Proverbs 18:4).
GJ Reynolds serves as the CEO for Women of Faith. He is also an entrepreneur, business developer, public speaker, author, and United States Army veteran. GJ believes he is called to challenge and assist others to be inspired, elevated, and empowered to reach their full godly potential. Also known as Simply G, his Mission Statement is: I Am a Courageous, Playful, and Powerful Warrior! I live a life of purpose, on purpose and for God’s purpose (simplyg.com). Together, their goal is to grow an authentic and loving community, and to see sisters in Christ lock arms and support one another. See more at womenoffaith.com
I wouldn’t waste your money on anymore leadership books if you are not willing to follow the humble path and these profound principles and practices that Dave lived out and taught me over years in our relationship together.
It was 1981 when I was asked to present a series on addiction for a large church in Southern California. I titled the series: “That Christian Next to You Might Be an Alcoholic.” I had recently moved to California to work with Dr. Joseph Pursch, the psychiatrist who treated First Lady Betty Ford at the Naval Hospital in Long Beach. Dr. Pursch discharged from the Navy and I left Texas in 1980 to work at The Care Unit Hospital in Orange, California. With the notoriety that came with treating the First Lady, Dr. Purch and that hospital became the “treatment choice” for the celebrities of the day. Before there was a Betty Ford Treatment Center in Palm Springs, Care Unit Hospital of Orange was much like what the Betty Ford Center would eventually become. It
was fascinating to see inside the lives of the rich and famous who all had one extreme limitation. Once they took a drink, they could not control the amount they would consume because they were addicted to alcohol.
I met a lot of celebrities at the hospital, but the real celebrity I admired most showed up at my workshop, Dr. David Stoop, a licensed clinical psychologist and pioneer in Christian recovery. It was a bit difficult to present in front of a man who had spoken, written, and led the way for others who wanted to provide therapy with the wisdom from the Bible as the foundation for all that could be learned from sound psychological research and practice. That was the beginning of our lifelong
friendship, our writing partnership, and my first leadership lesson from Dave. He passed into eternity on March 10, 2021. Here are seven life lessons I’ll never forget.
1. Never Stop Learning
Dave was at my workshop to hear an unknown man talk about addiction because his son was in trouble. He was a heroin addict, getting worse every day and stealing whatever he could from Dave and his wife, Jan, to pay for his habit. Dave came to every session and when it was over, he taught me my second leadership lesson.
2. Humbly Ask for Help When You Need It
Dave asked to meet with me because he wanted my help. He and Jan had tried everything they knew to do and now they had simply run out of answers or ideas. I explained a different course than the one they were on and over the next few months, Dave taught me leadership lesson #3.
3. Be Willing to Take the Advice You Are Given
Dave had his son arrested the next time he stole something, and he pressed charges. He did nothing to make himself feel better, only what was the next right thing that might cause his son to finally get help. His son entered treatment and Dave and Jan joined one of the most intense family treatment programs that required hard work and never missing a session. They started working the 12 Steps alongside their son and when Dave died this past year, his son was still clean and sober. At the funeral, others spoke of the fourth leadership lesson Dave taught me.
4. Never Stop Looking for Areas to Grow
Dave had a very tough relationship with his father. For instance, his dad gave him a red Sheaffer mechanical pencil and told Dave to keep it in the house or he would lose it. Dave lost the pencil and his father was furious. In his
teens, he tried to make amends and gave his father a special gift, a red Sheaffer mechanical pencil. Rather than his father turning back to Dave, his dad didn’t even acknowledge the gift. Along with Dave’s growing resentment was a belief that he must take care of himself. He must not have to depend on anyone because he could count on no one. Dave charted a path of independence, even fantasizing that his imaginary parents living in Europe would show up one day and take him back to live with them. Dave was well into his 60’s when he taught me the next leadership lesson.
5. It Is Never Too Late to Go Deeper
In Dave’s willingness to be transparent and look inside, he determined that he had never fully resolved all of the emotional damage inflicted upon him by his father nor had he resolved the toxic bitterness and resentment he had festering within. One of the most respected Christian psychologists in the field went to work and not only did he heal on a personal level, his relationships with all of his sons healed and they entered a new dimension of love, companionship, and family they had never experienced before. With them, Dave exhibited the sixth leadership lesson.
6. Never Stop Experiencing Adventure
Dave decided he and his boys needed fresh adventures and experiences together in their newfound father-son relationships. Dave and Jan had previously traveled the world in style, but with their sons, Dave traveled Europe in whatever rough and rugged means they could find. They were proud that they blended so well into the culture, people stopped treating them like tourists. Those were rich times for Dave and he spoke of them often until his life here was finished. His finale was the seventh and most valuable leadership lesson of all.
His last book, Living Strong and Finishing Well, was one he was uniquely qualified to write in the wake of so many pseudo leaders failing and falling at the height of their influence. Dave was the most consistent man I have ever known. He studied God’s Word, lived its truth, and followed Jesus in all I saw him do. The behindthe-scenes Dave was the same man everyone else saw and knew. I loved who he was. I loved how he lived and how he led. I loved all that we did together.
I wouldn’t waste your money on anymore leadership books if you are not willing to follow the humble path and these profound principles and practices that Dave lived out and taught me over years in our relationship together. Do these things and you will lead more like Jesus and discover the divine destiny that was designed just for you.
Stephen Arterburn, MEd, is the Founder and Chairman of New Life Ministries, the Founder of Women of Faith conferences (attended by over five million people), and host of the #1 nationally syndicated Christian counseling talk show, “New Life Live,” heard by two million people each weekday on 200 radio stations nationwide. As a nationally and internationally known public speaker, he has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, CNN Live, The New York Times, USA Today, US News & World Report, ABC World News Tonight, along with GQ and Rolling Stone magazines. Steve is also an inductee to the National Speakers Association Hall of Fame and a best-selling author of books such as Every Man’s Battle, Healing Is a Choice, Toxic Faith, Walking Into Walls, and his latest books, the Arterburn Wellness Series, and more. With over 11 million books in print, he has been writing about God’s transformational truth since 1984. Along with Dr. David Stoop, he edited and produced the award-winning Life Recovery Bible, which is on exhibit at The Museum of the Bible in Washington, DC. His ministry endeavors focus on identifying and compassionately responding to the needs of those seeking healing and restoration through God’s truth. Steve currently serves as the Teaching Pastor at Northview Church in Carmel, Indiana, where he resides with his family. See more at: www.newlife.com
Success does not automatically make you feel successful. It’s only when you first find your personal meaning of success through Christ and then become successful.
“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”
(Mark 8:36)
My client, Allan, came to me at age 40. He was miserable at his job as a CPA. He didn’t like his boss, who would not look him in the face when they talked and showed him no respect. Allan also did not have a current relationship with a significant other and he wasn’t clear about his values. He didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, but he did state that being a CPA and doing tax work for the rest of his life was not a long-term option. Many viewed him as a very successful man because he was making a good income, but that was not the most important thing to him. Allan was very firm in his Christian beliefs and
the meaning of love; yet he did not love himself. Additionally, his first wife had been emotionally abusive, leaving him hurt and afraid to recommit to another relationship.
At first, Allan was very reserved. He is highly intelligent and as a result, had a very smart gremlin/ego that kept him “stuck” in life. I worked closely with him to help quiet the internal critical voices and eventually, he opened up after he started to trust himself and me in the process. I coached to help him stop being so hard on himself. He began to have greater balance in his thinking
and understood he was free to move beyond a job and career field that was no longer meaningful or enjoyable. However, he still did not have a grasp on exactly what he wanted to do. We continued working on helping him clear out the negative beliefs and voices that negatively impacted him from exploring other options.
During tax season, he was under incredible stress. The office was short-staffed, he was working seven days a week with no breaks, and he would get on the phone and cry. I remember I kept asking him if he could last until April 15th. He took it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.
Then the most amazing thing occurred. In the middle of all the chaos during the tax season, he called on the phone one day and told me he knew what he was supposed to do with the rest of his life. He was going to quit his job and get a master’s degree in education. He made it through tax season, applied, and got accepted to a great school. He quit his job working full-time for a major accounting firm, moved to a new city, shared a condominium with a friend, and got a part time job making $80,000 a year.
Today, he loves his new life. He’s doing brilliantly at school and definitely made the right choice to trust God and himself and while he doesn’t have a serious romantic relationship, he is dating and in fact, recommended she start coaching with me as well. So, together I am walking them through their map of life . . . and through Christ as the GPS, they are on course to true fulfillment and joy. Once he became clear on his values, stopped beating himself up emotionally like his wife had done, trusted the Lord’s guidance, his life—with his committed participation—totally changed.
Success does not automatically make you feel successful. It’s only when you first find your personal meaning of success through Christ and then become successful.
God Himself is the ultimate Achiever, starting with one of His most well-known accomplishments, Creation. And we want to be like Him, right? We want our sales call to lead to a successful order. We want our company’s strategy to generate recordbreaking growth. We want our writing to get published, our paintings to get sold, or our blogs to catch on like wildfire and be read and appreciated by many. Why else do we begin something . . . other than with an intention for seeing it become successful?
However, when we stop seeking God’s guidance and counsel, we run into that feeling of discontent. As Christ followers we must continue to renew our minds and confirm our steps with the Lord. Paul reminds us in Ephesians, “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (4:22–24).
My client Allan had not asked God for healing and repair from his ex-wife. Instead, he used his money as an emotional “band-aid” and refrained from asking the Lord for direction and guidance. He was making a lot of money and society labeled him as successful, so he went with that. It’s not uncommon to fall into societal success traps and forget godly success and fulfillment. Once Allan reconnected with seeking God’s direction in his life, he was able to take that leap of faith and start down the path that led him to true happiness and success.
Picture two hands. In the right hand, there is the offer of true contentment, the ability to handle life’s problems without being overcome
by them, amazing peace that sees us through all circumstances, wisdom to know what to do, knowledge and constant direction for life, love for others, acceptance of ourselves, joy no matter what, and at the end of life, an eternity with the God who freely gives all these gifts. The other hand holds all the money and power and success the world has to offer, without any of what the right hand holds.
Which one would you choose? The Bible says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). That which is in the right hand is the biblical definition of success.
Rev. Mark Crear, PhD, is a two-time Olympic Medalist (110 Meter-High Hurdles), a motivational speaker, certified counselor, and organizational consultant. Dr. Crear has over 15 years of diversified experience in multicultural competency training, diversity and inclusion, racial reconciliation, and life, relationship, organizational and performance coaching. He is the Founding Principal of In the Zone Coaching, Counseling, and Consulting Group, a mental health educator as an adjunct professor of psychology at Houston Baptist University, and published author (In the Zone: How to Overcome the Hurdles of Life and Peace Be Still: How to Promote Racial Reconciliation and Healing). As a former Olympic athlete, he understands the importance of hard work, perseverance, and focus. Dr. Crear is an ordained minister, speaking to both corporations and churches, but cherishes his roles as a loving husband and doting father. He and his family live in Northridge, CA. See more at markcrear.com
It is dangerous to forget that we are in a spiritual war and that we need to keep vigilant watch over our surroundings. The agenda of our archenemy, the devil, is clear and unchanging. Jesus identifies him as a thief: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10).
*Adapted from Bulletproof: Business Protection Strategies from a War Zone
Alert . . . Be Very Alert
As President of Middle East Television, the largest Super-Station in the Middle East, I learned many invaluable spiritual and practical lessons from operating a business in a war zone! Our TV station covered all of Israel and the entire Middle East. The station operations, however, were in a war zone . . . South Lebanon. Among a number of precautions, I had to wear a flak jacket to work, was accompanied by armed bodyguards, and traveled in an armored Land Rover!
One of my first lessons came from observing my head of news, who was also the head of security and a trusted friend, Salam Eid. The first thing that caught my attention as he picked me up for my initial “orientation” to South Lebanon and to
our station operations, was his eyes. They never stopped looking and surveying the territory everywhere we traveled. Salam was different from me. He was different from my friends. Why? Because he knew he was operating in a war zone! Salam had been wounded by a roadside bomb a year before I met him. He was alert. His eyes never rested, and he never smiled. In fact, it took him two years after later relocating to the United States to learn to smile, and then, only through the tireless prompting of his two young daughters. When we traveled together, I had confidence we would not be taken by surprise. As we drove through the hostile countryside of South Lebanon to examine our broadcast tower or to go to the station, he was always vigilant. His eyes . . . they never stopped looking for anything out of place, for anything unusual, and anything that could present a danger to me or anyone I was traveling with.
Jesus admonishes us to keep alert: “Be on guard , so that your hearts will not be weighted down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of this life, and that day will not come on you suddenly like a trap; for it will come upon all those who dwell on the face of all the earth. But keep on the alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are about to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man” (Luke 1:21: 34–36, NASB, emphasis added).
I have met parents, executives, and church leaders who have been lulled into a casual attitude toward raising, caring, nurturing, and building their families, businesses, ministries, and churches. It is dangerous to forget that we are in a spiritual war and that we need to keep vigilant watch over our surroundings. The agenda of our archenemy, the devil, is clear and unchanging. Jesus identifies him as a thief: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). Nevertheless, I love what the wonderful and redemptive agenda of Jesus is in our lives: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full!” (John 10:10).
Is there anything “out of place” in our families? Out of place in our businesses? Out of place in our ministries or churches? Out of place in our relationships? Has someone or something crept into our world that can disrupt and destroy the work we are doing? These are sober times and only vigilant attention can help us overcome and win the battles we are facing. “Staying Alert” also speaks to me about not letting your guard down. I learned this lesson while doing business in China years ago for the Family Channel. For a time, I had the privilege of representing The Family Channel in its business development into mainland China. It was an emerging market for cable television and China had the largest potential television population in the world. It was well worth trying to make contact with the bureaucrats inside the country and government to see if we could be part of this emerging cable landscape.
I developed a contact in Hong Kong named Danny Hoy, an exciting 30-year-old who was an entrepreneur on steroids. I called him the Cecil B. DeMille of Hong Kong. He had a production company, a talent agency, was serving as a liaison with the bureaucrats inside China, and had a family history reaching all the way back to the freedom fighters under Chiang Kia-shek (the head of the Nationalist government in China from 1928–1949). We were close friends. He gave me a Chinese name and even had a personal and formal “chop” made for me to sign documents in Chinese. We were so close that he even invited me to his family ancestral home in mainland China. It was the first time the Hoy family had gathered for ancestral worship in 50 years. I was the only nonHoy invited, as well as the only non-Chinese in attendance. That is how close we were.
However, I learned an important lesson about not letting my guard down in my relationship with Danny. Everywhere we went, he would introduce me very respectfully and sincerely as “an important executive from America” and a “trusted friend.” Then, he would always add, “and he is Gweilo (guwhy-lo).” I finally asked what the reference meant, thinking it was probably some complementary title given to important diplomats. He answered, “Gweilo means Foreign Devil,” a common Cantonese slur for Westerners. I said, “What! Do you mean everywhere we have gone you have been introducing me as the Devil?” Danny politely answered, “Yes, because you are not Chinese.” He was right. I was not family. I was not Chinese. The minute I thought I was going to receive special treatment in my business relationships because of my friendship with Danny, I had naively put myself at a huge disadvantage. I had let my guard down . . . I was not “Alert!”
The Scriptures are our constant and trusted source to orient us to this world. They clearly warn us that this world is just a staging area for eternity. This
world is not our home. Our “friendship” with the world can be a trap. We are Gweilo to this world . . . aliens. The world is Gweilo to us. It is not our home and the unbelieving world is not our family.
The Apostle Peter said it this way, “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us” (1 Peter 2:11–12). Paul also told the Corinthians, “What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God” (1 Corinthians 2:12).
We are strangers in this world and have stepped on a battlefield for the souls of men, for the destiny of our families, and for the future kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ. This is not our home. The Bible talks about the permanent home and eternal dwelling place of the Christian as our dwelling place in heaven: “Jesus said, ‘Let not your heart be troubled: Believe in God, believe also in Me. In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also’” (John 14:1–3).
Staying Alert and Vigilant is one of the most important things we can do as we navigate through this crazy life, especially as leaders. Our families, our relationships, our businesses, our ministries, and our churches depend on us getting our signals from the right source . . . the Word of God.
Stephen D. Lentz, Esq, is a co-founder of Anchor Legal Group, PLLC, the former President of Middle East Television, and the former Senior Vice President of Worldwide Sales for International Family Entertainment. Mr. Lentz has served as an adjunct professor at Regent University School of Law and the Graduate School of Communications, and serves clients in the areas of corporate formation, complex business transactions, entertainment law, intellectual property, non-profit law, and foundation and church/ministry representation. He is also an author and speaker, including: Bulletproof: Business Protection Strategies from a War Zone and The Business of Church: The Concise Business Handbook for Pastors and a leadership book based on the life and leadership of H.J. Heinz, It Was Never About the Ketchup! Mr. Lentz is recognized as one of the top five “Church Law Authorities” in the U.S. representing denominations and churches in all 50 states and every province in Canada. He and his wife, Cathy, live in Virginia Beach, VA, have four children, and seven grandchildren. See more at stephendlentz.com
Always Have a Flight Plan
AThe
longer you travel off course, the further you will be away from the intended target.
s a pilot, I value the time I spend flying. Nothing is as exhilarating, mentally challenging, and rewarding as being a pilot in command (PIC) of an aircraft . . . except, of course, being an executive coach. Our flights of faith are like that too. They are as exhilarating and more; yet, they are also personal and constant. Often the professional development and coaching we offer throughout our careers does not take on the challenges and tensions of the most dramatic and impactful development path—that of counting the cost of not having a God ordained flight plan for our coaching business or ministry.
It is interesting how many business clichés have come out of aviation—course corrections, autopilot, flight plans, getting behind the power curve, 30,000-foot approach, fly by the seat of your pants, situational awareness, we’re in for a bumpy
ride, navigating storms, and true north. And there are plenty of comparisons to be drawn between creating a flight plan and starting a business or maintaining a career.
During early training months, my instructor pilot would repeat, “Keep your head out of the cockpit, Murray.” There is a lot to manage in the cockpit. One of the tendencies of a new pilot is to focus on the instruments and forget to focus on what is outside the plane. We can get lost in the abundance of to-dos of business: operations, marketing, admin, our work, etc. I encourage my coaching clients to schedule time weekly to step away from the to-do list. It is an emotionally intelligent decision to use that time to get a fresh perspective on where we are going in our career, business or ministry. We call this Flight Planning. Always have a flight plan.
A pilot creates a flight plan before ever climbing into the cockpit. The plan covers the planned route from the departure airport to the arrival airport. It includes alternate routes in case of bad weather and airports along the way to stop and refuel. It will include how many passengers will be aboard, weight allowances, and what type of aircraft, as well as the make and model and aircraft identifier.
Our coaching careers and businesses are the same way. We need to stop and get an accurate assessment of where we are starting and what our destination is, plan the route to get us there, and the places to stop along the way. That is what executive and career coaching is for my clients.
I have designed it to be a safe place to stop, get centered, and step out of their business to get a better perspective on their vision and purpose. It helps them to clearly see the route to their goals. Before their coaching trip, they may report getting lost in the details of running their business or ministry. It may be they are working too many hours, focusing on projects they need to finish, and they are not looking out at the horizon to make sure they are staying on course.
One powerful flight concept is the “high cost of course miscalculation.” Consider this . . . for every single degree a pilot flies off course, they will miss the destination by 92 feet for every mile flown. At that rate, for every sixty miles flown, the airplane will be off target about one mile. If the pilot started at the equator and the goal was to fly around the earth and they were just “one degree off course,” the plane would land almost 500 miles off target. Lesson learned? The longer you travel off course, the further you will be away from the intended target. While not limited to aviation, the idea of course miscalculations and subsequent corrections—overcoming unexpected obstacles or plotting a new course for your coaching—is an integral part of achieving success.
For an aircraft to reach its destination, advance planning takes place that includes plotting the course on charts and computer systems by a competent pilot (i.e., one who constantly evaluates incoming information and makes necessary corrections to keep the plane on course). Similarly, keeping your coaching career, business and/or ministry on course by God’s design and running efficiently, requires ongoing analysis and constant corrections. Biblical emotionally intelligent coaching career growth operates the same. You are the person in command (PIC) of your future and with God’s help, you will discover biblical principles as you follow your gifts and calling. The first thing to consider is what kind of “course” are you on? It is impossible to correct your course if you have not planned one. After you have charted your “course,” it is vital to consider your position and act immediately if you believe a correction is needed. Sometimes the best advice is to simply “stay the course” you are on—for now, considering any small changes that may be necessary
To stay with our flight metaphor, if you are early in your coaching journey, small course corrections can make a big impact on the final destination. However, if you are much further along on your coaching career course and an economic downturn or other unforeseen challenge occurs, a more drastic change may be required to realign your plan. It does not need to be impulsive or a sweeping change. It does need to be an emotionally intelligent one. It is important to remind yourself that, with God’s help, your future, your flight plan, and minor compass corrections can be made by better understanding the types of behaviors that are in your best interest to accomplish the flight plan.
With all of this in mind, it is not in your best interest to navigate a coaching career path or future business or ministry on autopilot or “flying by the seat of your pants.” As you can see from
the example of course corrections, when a pilot makes changes to the autopilot, it changes the flight path. If you do not set the course correctly in the beginning (i.e., make intentional plans, your future success is at significant risk). To reach your destination you must observe and monitor the results you are getting and make constant course corrections. If you are sensing you are off track, take comfort in the fact that achieving the ideal success is an ongoing pursuit for every one of us.
“Great pilots are made not born . . . a man may possess good eyesight, sensitive hands, and perfect coordination, but the end result is only fashioned by steady coaching, much practice, and experience.”
—Johnnie Johnson (Air Vice Marshall, RAF).
“Great coaches, by God’s design and calling, are fashioned through emotional intelligence, much practice, experience, and through association with a network of other committed Christian coaches.”
—Rita Murray
Are you on course to achieve your long-term coaching goals, navigating the flight plan you have charted? If not, what course corrections can you
make today to ensure you create an achievable flight plan to reach your destination as a Christian Coach? I invite you to join me as a member of the International Christian Coaching Institute (ICCI), a faith-based network of Christian Coaches dedicated to serving others with compassion and competence and who utilize biblical principles to assist clients in setting individualized goals through a collaborative partnership that addresses the whole person.
Rita Murray, PhD, is the Founder and Principal of Performance Consulting, LLC, an organizational development firm, previous CEO and Chairman of a national energy services company, cognitive psychologist, Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), executive coach, and sought-after leadership consultant. She has held leadership roles at GE and Lockheed, and is also a private pilot. Dr. Murray frequently speaks at leadership events and conferences and is highly regarded for her ability to connect personal and interpersonal development with the needs of business and with mobile and virtual technology. She has a particular gift for explaining the different perspectives of each generation and personality types to create a bridge of understanding towards healthier business relationships and ultimately, a stronger bottom line. Dr. Murray lives in Moore, OK with her husband, Ron. See more at performanceok.com
Ambition—a desire and determination to achieve success—can be a positive force and it can also lead us to become wayward, unfocused, and pursuing our own agenda and not that of the One who called us in the first place.
Proverbs 20:5 (NASB) says, “A plan in the heart of a person is like deep water, but a person of understanding draws it out.” This is the essence of life coaching . . . helping people live a life of purpose, and seeing their dreams, their passions, and God-given calling become a tangible reality. In our coaching, it’s important to help clients maximize strengths and manage weaknesses, but in doing so, to also lead them to a place of honest reflection and self-evaluation, making sure they align their principles and motives to the Word of God. Even though finding one’s sense of “mission” has value for any number of reasons, sometimes people—yes, even well-intentioned Christians—are aiming at the wrong things. Why? Perhaps because we make it about the wrong things. Do we have only a “form of godliness,” but deny its power (2 Timothy 3:5) while our heart’s desires are leading us astray . . . subtly, slowly, deceptively? Are we in
true alignment with God’s will or does something else draw our attention and drive our motives?
During a recent quiet time, the Lord started downloading a number of examples into my spirit— many of them challenging, convicting, asking me to evaluate my priorities as I considered the greatest mission of all—serving Him. Ponder these thoughts with me for a moment:
• It’s not about being happy, but joyful
• It’s not about being childish, but childlike
• It’s not about being comfortable, but comforting others
• It’s not about my plans, but Him ordering my steps
• It’s not about my kingdom come, but Thy Kingdom come.
• It’s not about my awesome teaching, but my Awesome Teacher
• It’s not about my next book, but His Book, His Word
• It’s not about the green room, but the Throne Room
• It’s not about, “See what I’ve done,” but one day hearing, “Well done”
• It’s not about my ability, but my accountability to others
• It’s not about how great I am, but the Great I AM
• It’s not about serve us, but service
• It’s not about groaning up, but growing up
• It’s not about doing something for me, but me doing something with you
• It’s not about power and position, but trust and His provision
• It’s not about the checking account, but checking the heart
• It’s not about accumulating more things, but laying up treasure in heaven
• It’s not about growing a church, but building His Church
• It’s not about attracting followers, but making disciples
• It’s not about being sacrificial, but being the sacrifice
So how do we identify true mission and stay the course? For ourselves, as well as those we coach and lead? Here are Four Ps to consider:
• Purpose—Do something that makes a real difference in life and in the kingdom of God “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NASB)
“Who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace, which was granted to us in Christ Jesus from all eternity.” (2 Timothy 1:9 NASB)
• Priorities—Do it with all your heart and always keep the main thing the main thing
Barnabas had a resolute heart (Acts 11:23 NASB) to encourage others. The Greek words here are “prosthesis kardia” and this means he was “purposed [determined] in his will.”
Barnabas knew his calling and who he was called to serve. He was all in.
• People—Do it with those individuals in whom you have a genuine relationship
We were created in relationship, through relationship, and for relationship. It’s not good to be alone.
Life was never meant to be a solo flight and isolation (especially with no accountability) can become our biggest vulnerability.
• Plan—Do it with diligence, intentionality, and only after counting the cost
“The plans of the diligent certainly lead to advantage, but everyone who is in a hurry certainly comes to poverty.” (Proverbs 21:5 NASB)
“Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost, to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who are watching it will begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This person began to build, and was not able to finish!’” (Luke 14:27–30 NASB)
Ambition—a desire and determination to achieve success—can be a positive force and it can also lead us to become wayward, unfocused, and pursuing our own agenda and not that of the One who called us in the first place. Paul indicated he was “pressing forward” to the “goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:10–14 NASB). The day will come when each of us will give an account for all we have been stewarded with on this side of eternity. Hebrews 12:1–2 (NASB) reads, “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of
witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.” The Greek word for “fixing our eyes” in this verse is “aphorao” and it means “to turn away from all else” . . . all else other than Christ who is the author and perfecter of faith. May God give us eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart willing to follow.
Eric Scalise, PhD, LPC, LMFT, serves as Senior Vice President and Chief Strategy Officer (CSO) with Hope for the Heart. He is also the President of LIV Consulting, LLC, the former Senior Vice President for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and former Department Chair for Counseling Programs at Regent University in Virginia Beach, VA. Dr. Scalise is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with over 43 years of clinical and professional experience in the mental health, higher education, and organizational consulting fields, as well as having served six years on the Virginia Board of Counseling under two governors. Specialty areas include professional/ pastoral stress and burnout, combat trauma and PTSD, marriage and family issues, grief and loss, addictions and recovery, leadership development, and lay counselor training. He is a published author (Addictions and Recovery Counseling and Lay Counseling: Equipping Christians for a Helping Ministry), adjunct professor at several Christian universities, conference speaker, and frequently works with organizations, clinicians, ministry leaders, and churches on a variety of issues. As the son of a diplomat, Dr. Scalise was born in Nicosia, Cyprus, and has also lived and traveled extensively around the world. He and his wife Donna have been married for 43 years, have twin sons who are combat veterans serving in the U.S. Marine Corps, and four grandchildren
