Where Is Hope When “It” Doesn’t Happen? by
June Hunt p.2A Career Success: Coaching Strategies to Find Meaningful Work During Global Change and Unrest by
Dwight Bain p.6Takeaways in a Pandemic: Marital Hope in Times of Uncertainty
by Gary & Barb Rosberg p.10
Every Tribe and Every People: Understanding Diversity and Cultural Competency by Cedric &
Michelle White p.14Resilient Hope in Tough Times by Bob Dees p.18
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Welcome to the inaugural Issue of InFocus, ICCI’s premier publication. Every quarter, you will receive your next Issue as a valued Member. Each Issue will be in a digital format and highlight a unique theme related to the world of Christian Life Coaching—to include in depth articles by leading experts in the field, as well as a selection of regular columnists who will be sharing their hearts in different niches. This quarter, the theme is HOPE, something the world is certainly longing for after one of the most difficult years many people have yet experienced in their lives. Authors include June Hunt, Dwight Bain, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, Cedric and Michelle White, and Maj. Gen. Bob Dees. Our columnists are Steve Arterburn, Dr. Mark Crear, Steve Lentz, Esq., Dr. Rita Murray, and Dr. Eric Scalise. We hope you enjoy learning more about Hope in this Issue of InFocus
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Christian Hope is an optimistic assurance something will be fulfilled. This is guaranteed hope, not subject to change, but anchored in our unchangeable Lord Jesus and the unchangeable promises in God’s Word.
In 1912, the most magnificent ship ever built set sail on its maiden voyage from England to New York. Heralded before the world as “unsinkable,” all passengers had full assurance that the Titanic could not sink. However, a total of 1,573 went to their watery graves because the owner of the shipping line chose to eliminate the weight of the needed lifeboats. He placed his absolute hope that the Titanic would set the trans-Atlantic record for speed because it could not sink. What a fatal decision!
One common question people ask is, “Why would God allow such a catastrophe?” How typical for God to get the blame—even though the ship had received warning after warning about the icebergs ahead. So . . . where is hope when bad things do happen? What if we pray with a pure heart and what we hope for is biblically correct? Can we have absolute assurance that what we hoped for will prevail?
Think about the wayward spouse who won’t return . . . the unfaithful friend who fails to change . . . the prodigal person who will not repent . . . ? What
happens to our hope when “it” (what we are hoping for) doesn’t happen? Many get angry at God and reject Him others get angry with the church and leave it . . . some get angry with life and end it all because their hope doesn’t happen. So, what do we need to know about . . . hope?
Your definition of hope depends on your foundation. When I initially wrote the Keys for Living on the topic of Hope, I decided to present two distinct definitions.
• Cultural Hope is an optimistic desire something will be fulfilled. This is not guaranteed hope because it is subject to changeable people and changeable circumstances. Example: “I hope my new friend will always be my friend” (maybe so, maybe not).
• Christian Hope is an optimistic assurance something will be fulfilled. This is guaranteed hope, not subject to change, but anchored in our unchangeable Lord Jesus and the unchangeable promises in God’s Word. Example: The Lord promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV).
Although the Bible uses the word “hope” in both the spiritual and the secular sense, the focus of our Christian hope is always based on Christ Himself and the guaranteed promises of God. This hope will never disappoint us. The Bible says, “Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:5 NASB). Yet what if we are disappointed—deeply disappointed—and for good reason? For years I have received countless questions about what some call “unanswered prayer.” How should we respond?
Question: My unfaithful spouse is involved with someone else, which breaks my heart. Since I know my heart is right, and I’m praying for my
marriage partner to repent, which is biblically right, shouldn’t I expect God to restore my marriage?
Answer: Nowhere in the Bible does God promise that if your heart is right and you pray for your spouse to return, then your mate will return. God indeed has His perfect will; however, He also gives people free will by allowing each of us to go against His perfect will. The “guaranteed hope” you are given by God is not based on other people or circumstances.
Your “certain hope” is that regardless of the choices other people make and regardless of the severity of the storms in your life, if you choose to do His will, He will work out His purposes for you and ultimately give you His “peace that surpasses all understanding.” This is your Christian hope. The Bible says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6,7).
Many do not understand why their hope fails, yet their concept of hope is faulty. Consequently, understanding what Christian hope is and is not is necessary.
• Not dependent on another person or a group of people—but rather is dependent on the Lord alone
• Not wishful thinking or vague longings—but rather is assured, unchangeable, and absolute
• Not determined by circumstances, events, or abilities—but rather is based on what God has already promised
• Not merely a desire or trying to fulfill a dream— but rather is delayed fulfillment of reality
• Not dependent on the stars, luck, chance, or timing—but rather is predestined and settled in the plan of God
Ephesians 1:11 says, “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.”
We have all been “in the same boat” with murky thinking about hope. The common view of hope from our culture is quite different from hope found in the Bible. If we live by cultural hope, we will have a boatful of wishful thinking, and what we hope for will sometimes happen . . . and sometimes not. However, Christian hope is based on the Bible—God’s promises in His unchanging Word. By relying on what the Lord promises, we can have all the hope with all the certainty we will ever need. The apostle Paul states the actual source of our hope, “Everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope” (Romans 15:4).
For those flailing in frigid waters—those about to sink (as with the Titanic)—if thrown a lifeline, they could literally be saved. Realize at times, you will be called by God to throw out a lifeline to those who are sinking. For those you are coaching,
consider this—reality is not what people think or what people say; reality is what God says. Therefore, as you pray for God’s discernment, listen carefully to what they say, then present what God says.
• If they say, “I’ve lost hope.” God says: Hold on to My hope. “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him” (Psalm 62:5).
• If they say, “It’s impossible.” God says: All things are possible . . . with Me. “What is impossible with man is possible with God” (Luke 18:27).
• If they say, “I cannot do it.” God says: You can do all things in my plan through Christ’s strength. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).
• If they say, “I am not able to do what I need to do.” God says: I am able to give you all that you need. “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV).
• If they say, “Nothing good can come from this.” God says: I know how to bring good out of this. “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
Question: “How can we be sure that ‘Christian hope’ is guaranteed and that God will fulfill His promises?”
Answer: Christian hope can sound far-fetched— beyond belief. For example, why would anyone believe in God’s promise of the Christian’s resurrection from the dead—a permanent, physical resurrection—especially since today we do not see people physically resurrected? Nevertheless, you can have absolute confidence in His hope because of His character. When your life is yielded to the Lord, He promises you a future filled with peace. He promises you will live forever in His presence— and He does not lie! The Bible gives this assurance: “It is impossible for God to lie” (Hebrews 6:18).
What an anchor is to a ship, hope is to the soul. They both stabilize whatever needs to be held steady amidst the storms in life. Personally, when I have struggled with what I considered a hopeless situation, I have been held steady with these words from the Lord: “I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
What a promise! As a Christian coach, you have been given a secure anchor in the person of Christ . . . for the Bible says about Jesus, “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure” (Hebrews 6:19). As a Christian coach, you are also called by God to help others live an anchored life. What a privilege from the Lord Himself!
June Hunt, MA, is the Founder and Chief Servant Officer of Hope for the Heart, a worldwide counseling and caregiving ministry that offers biblical hope and practical help in more than 60 countries and 36 languages. The Keys for Living Library provides the foundation for the ministry’s award-winning radio program, Hope in the Night, a live one-hour call-in counseling program. Her passion to help others through biblical counsel is fueled by her joy in seeing a life changed through Christ. As an accomplished author, speaker, and musician, June has been a guest on various national television and radio programs, including the NBC Today show. She has toured overseas with the USO and has been a guest soloist with the Billy Graham Crusades. For more, see junehunt.org.
When you take time to meditate on the Bible, it will guide you from fear to greater faith by identifying powerful beliefs, which then sparks the powerful motivation needed to win at work.
These are challenging times. Life is busy and does not seem to be slowing down for anyone, which appears to continually drain people who are trying to keep up with multiple demands from many directions. Educator and author, Dr. Stephen Covey, understood this when he wrote, “The challenge of work life balance is without question, one of the most significant struggles faced by modern man.”
Is it possible to find fulfilling work during a time of recession? What about those who have been laid off or within organizations that have been
downsized? How can they reinvent their careers during the kind of pandemic the world is wrestling with? Providing hope and coaching people who feel stuck in their careers requires asking tough questions that shape a strategic response toward accomplishing goals while avoiding distractions. Here are a few important coaching questions to ask:
• Do you want to win at work to deepen your resume as a path of career advancement?
• Does success at work mean making more money to bring home to your family?
• Does career success give you a feeling of meaning, identity, and fulfillment?
• Does winning bring you a sense of satisfaction by proving you are the best?
Greater professional success can give a person greater options in their personal life because increased income brings flexibility to problem solve and control schedules by delegation. Outsourcing to save time and money is a wise use of resources. However, working harder to gain greater selfworth is a dangerous motivator because it takes major sacrifices of time and energy and can often become a “black hole” of busy activity leading to workaholism.
Career burnout flows from an attempt to fill deep emotional insecurity through continuous professional activity. Burnout will not lead to professional success but may lead to a health or relationship crisis. Sadly, exhaustion is common among people who have not seen the importance of mapping out a realistic plan to find meaningful work without losing track of their most important relationships at home, work, church, and among friends.
Career coaches start this process by mapping out core values, identified through an analysis of internal motives, because motives lead to motivation. Here are four coaching strategies to inspire busy professionals to stay focused on career success at any age or during major shifts in the marketplace.
Generate insight by asking God to reveal your gifts and natural abilities, regardless of how much you feel like you are struggling. Everyone has talent and ability at and for something. It takes insight to see these qualities and then it takes courage to stay focused to light the fire of
desire in your heart, especially when you may feel like giving up. There is a Scripture verse to pray daily, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5 ESV). When you know that you do not know all the answers, then asking for God’s direction is a wise place to start. Developing insight begins by asking God; then it flows over to people close to you, like a marriage partner, family member or trusted friend, because they already know so much about your personality, character, motivation, and inner drives. Asking them for honest feedback to gain greater insight can protect against impulsive choices and ensure a greater likelihood of success. Do not stay silent. Speak up. Start the conversation.
When you know your gifts, talents, abilities, and skills, the next step is to see how those unique qualities could be transferred into something so interesting that you want to show up and learn more about it every day. There is an old saying that curious people are never bored. When you are inspired about pursuing something interesting, you lose all track of time because you find it so fascinating. Consider how God captured the attention of Moses for what some might call a “mid-life career transition” in the
desert. A shepherd could not stop looking at a burning bush. God stirred up the desires of a man who may have given up on leading his people out of bondage through intense curiosity and then an extreme challenge about life purpose (read the full story in Exodus 3). Linking strong interest with natural gifting often stirs motivation to move forward.
Once inspired to pursue a career calling based on gifting and strong interest, the next element to create motivation is to discover what is most important. What is valuable? What has great meaning? What activities, organizations, or enterprises do you believe strongly in? Everyone believes in something, yet many have not taken sufficient time to explore and discover the underlying motives that fuel motivation to achieve career success. Once you map out these three areas, you are ready for the final stage.
When people figure out who they are and what they were born to do, they are on track to live out their purpose. Perhaps the success of TV shows such as America’s got Talent, The Voice, or American Idol, are because they reveal hidden talents and capacity in what people
secretly wish their daily work to be. The shows provide a way they can use their creative abilities in an environment that rewards taking big risks to achieve greater results. Inspirational author, Shannon Alder, describes this process as, “Sometimes the one thing you need for growth is the one thing you are afraid to do.” It’s not hard to stay motivated when you know why you are going to work and it’s not hard to stay in the race to win either. In fact, it makes it easy to move from a fear of failure to moving forward with a new dedication and finishing strong!
Once on a clear career path, many people stay afraid to try or give up on the belief that they could have a better life by moving from their “day job” over to fully experiencing their “dream job.” Why do they lack career confidence? Why are they still likely to fail? Here are some of the hidden motivations that most often lead to losing at work.
Times are tough and many people are afraid about the economy in the future. Some become so frozen in fear they are afraid to try. It’s normal to feel afraid, yet when you are overwhelmed with fear it can often lead to becoming indecisive and giving up. Running from reality feels easier than facing it for some people, so they stick their head in the sand and deny what’s happening to their industry (consider how Blockbuster Video failed to change and filed for bankruptcy protection, while competitor organizations like Netflix and Red Box were thriving). Some people do this in a passive way and just slowly sink, while others try to avoid reality by using substances, addictions or other forms of escape. Avoiding major change by hiding in fear will lead to a major crisis. Opening a conversation with tough questions can build courage to face the difficulties head on. Ask—What are you afraid of?
You may think the greatest roadblock preventing career success is an unsupportive marriage partner or bully boss, but it’s really more about you. Think about the times you were trying to move your career forward, but it never came together. You know you want to finish strong and have a meaningful career, but you feel like you lack the “horsepower” to really pull out in front. When frustration builds up, it puts you at great risk, because you face a tough choice . . . to either cross the finish line of life with mediocre results and risk getting laid off or downsized to try again at the next job or quit to avoid feeling the pain of not performing to your potential. Even worse is when highly creative people procrastinate until the last minute and are not able to finish projects. Their frustration comes out as anger directed toward the closest person to them. It is not fair, but it happens because they let the frustration take over, which blocks their ability to win at work.
Sadly, this type of unmotivated person is the easiest to spot because they checked out a long time ago. People in this group are so unmotivated they give up on trying at the most basic of tasks, so their resume reflects a “free fall.” They feel as if they have
failed at career success, which often crushes their confidence and for some, it destroys the desire to try again. Sometimes people are so consumed with failure they drop out on the idea that a meaningful career was a legitimate possibility for them. They are too depleted to believe God’s promise spoken through the prophet Jeremiah, “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3 NASB) is available to them.
In closing, shattering the roadblocks of career success requires facing fears, frustrations, and failures with words of encouragement from God’s Word. When you take time to meditate on the Bible, it will guide you from fear to greater faith by identifying powerful beliefs, which then sparks the powerful motivation needed to win at work. You are stronger than you think, but in case you are feeling beat up by life, listen to the words of Moses in Exodus 14:13 as a final challenge when feeling unmotivated or scared about expanding your career: “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today . . . The LORD will fight for you!” (NASB).
Dwight Bain, MA, is the Founder of the Lifeworks Group in Winter Park, FL. He helps people rewrite their stories through strategic change and is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. Since 1984, Dwight has helped thousands of people across America as a Keynote Speaker, Certified Leadership Coach, Nationally Certified Counselor, and a Critical Incident Stress Management expert. He is a trusted media resource on managing major change and has been interviewed on hundreds of radio and television stations and quoted in over 100 publications. Dwight is a lifelong resident of Orlando where he lives with his wife Sheila and an assortment of pets. Married 35 years, they always have suitcases packed for their next adventure together. For more, see www.dwightbain.com.
We cannot give to each other what we do not receive first from Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit. When we are walking in unity vertically, we keep our heads and hearts where our feet are . . . in the present.
Canyou wrap your head around the idea that God may have something good for your marriage in the midst of this world of COVID? If you listen to the news, perhaps you are losing hope. However, if you look through the lens of Scripture, perhaps you would choose to agree that God is making a way, even in the midst of our wilderness. Isaiah 43:19 says, “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert” (ESV).
Most of us would say that a year ago, we could not have predicted we would be living with such social isolation, financial uncertainty, and a global health risk. However, we are, and as a friend of ours says, “It is what it is.” Our challenge as marriage coaches
is to discern how to respond to this reality with the couples and families we speak into through our coaching practices.
We have a great God and regardless of our circumstances and present experiences, we need to remember some foundational truths:
• God is still in control (Isaiah 55:8–9).
• All of this has gone through His hands (Romans 5:3–5).
• His desire is that we cling to the Cross (Philippians 4:1).
As we bring these biblical truths to our clients, we also need to bring proven takeaways to apply day in and day out, perhaps including the following:
When a husband and a wife walk in unity with Jesus vertically, intentionally abiding in Christ throughout the day, the overflow of each of their vertical relationships spill over into the horizontal relationship of marriage. We cannot give to each other what we do not receive first from Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit. When we are walking in unity vertically, we keep our heads and hearts where our feet are . . . in the present. We also are intentional about not leaning forward in anxiety, nor leaning back in regret and shame. We do not deny the past, nor not long for the future, but we follow the teaching of Jesus when he writes in Matthew 6:34, “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Each day does indeed bring its own trials doesn’t it? When we step into each day purposing to fill our homes and families with alertness to what our spouses and families are experiencing and expressing, we strengthen our relationships. We look beyond the irritability and meltdowns, perhaps likely a result of the stressors we are all encountering and realize that underneath the surface, we are all just trying to do the best we can. We are aware that potential withdrawal and outbursts or defensiveness may actually be revealing fear and uncertainty. As we are walking in unity with Christ and one another, we purpose to be alert to our own “emotional temperatures”
and intentional about “taking each other’s temperatures,” leaning more into understanding and compassion.
In Colossians 3:15, Paul writes, “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful” (ESV).
Gratitude . . . Thankfulness . . . Appreciation . . . each of these words paints the portrait in our marriage of a thankful and grateful heart. In our marriages and families, it is so easy to get knotted up in misunderstandings, slights, and hurts, and then forget that those in our families are likely doing the best they can in the midst of these stressful times. Our generosity of forgiveness toward them will help us all experience what God has for us in our marriages. We have the opportunity to seize the moment of the stress and encourage one another, first remembering what we are personally grateful for and then affirming our gratitude toward those in our families. Purposing to be wholehearted in affirmation, even in the small things, not only changes our own disposition, but also intentionally enhances the safety and trust within our marriages and families. We recommend to our couples and the coaches we mentor to “catch
members of your family doing something right” and let them know you are cheering them on.
In the midst of the prolonged, intense, and high frequency stress that families are experiencing today, we need to remind couples to increase their communication so they can move toward one another in connection. Seeking to connect includes focusing on what is said, but also what is not said. As couples lean into seeking to understand one another and validating their spouse, empathy deepens. As couples stop, listen, and reflect empathy, purposing to withhold judgment and desiring to see their spouse’s viewpoint, emotional connection will occur. Connection indeed occurs when we validate one another and really seek to embrace our spouse’s perceptions and concerns.
Foundational to healthy marriages and families is the bedrock of inviting Christ into the midst of prayer amongst the relationships we hold dear. We find that no matter how often couples affirm this belief, they also find it elusive to experience. Many will report praying for meals, at bedtime, and in extreme duress, but not consistently throughout their days. As a couple, we learned the art of “conversational prayer,” whereby we stop the intrusion of the world, noise, and pace of life. We turn off technology and purposely join with one another, often taking each other’s hand and share sentence prayers alternating between us . . . moving our marriage closer to Christ as we confess, adore, and petition the Lord. Following just a brief time of conversational prayer, we will then often kiss one another and then step away so that we punctuate the experience of the spiritual connection as we move back into the pace of our day. We have coached couples globally in this experience and have seen remarkable connections take place. We also add that
if this is the final extent of the spiritual connection for couples after months and years, it may not satisfy, but it is a great place to start and move a couple closer to Jesus and to one another.
During this time when interrupted schedules, travel, work, and the desire for physical interaction with others is at an “all time” high for most of us, we do have the remarkable opportunity to turn toward one another and enhance our serving and caring. This can be as simple as reflecting kindness in our sharing to doing chores that lighten our spouse’s load, purposely being other-centered to reflect not only an awareness of our spouse, but in serving them as well. It really is putting our spouse’s needs above our own. Quite simply, if we say our marriage is a priority, then we must live like it truly is. All of us are going to remember 2020 and this season for the rest of our lives. Many will tell their children and grandchildren about how they weathered the storm. Just as many of our parents survived WWII or other seasons of monumental setbacks, we are all living in the midst of a worldwide pandemic that is shaping our lives and life stories. So just how will your family remember this experience? How will the families of the couples you coach embrace this season and integrate it into their life stories? Will
we look back and reflect that even in the scarcity of interactions with relationships and freedoms of social interactions, your family drew closer? Loved deeper? Experienced more connection? If so, today is the day to dig deeper into connection with Jesus.
Finally, here are some important questions we should be asking ourselves. When we become distracted or preoccupied with current events, what can we do to prompt ourselves to walk in unity with Jesus vertically and keep our heads where our feet are allowing vertical relationship with Christ to overflow into our families? What small things have we forgotten to be thankful for? What specific things are going well? Make a list to tell ourselves what we are grateful for. Are we intentional in having communication with our spouses, which leads us to authentic connection? Are we taking time to release the buildup of anxiety, fear, and longings to God? Are we initiating prayer together in our marriages for the purpose of agreement and unity through Christ? Do we choose to lovingly serve our spouses? Do we go the “extra mile” in looking for specific ways to show our spouses our love for them, lightening their burden? How can we come alongside our spouses by doing practical things to help them experience more joy?
Gary Rosberg, EdD and Barb Rosberg, BA, are sought-after Executive Life and Marriage Coaches, award-winning authors, broadcasters, and beloved international marriage conference speakers. Together, the Rosbergs are co-founders of The Rosberg Group, where they provide marriage coaching, as well as one-on-one executive life coaching. Authors of over a dozen books, including 5 Love Needs of Men & Women and the Gold Medallion winning 6 Secrets to a Lasting Love, Barb brings decades of wisdom from coaching and teaching alongside Gary’s 25,000 hours of counseling to coaching executive couples. Their non-profit, America’s Family Coaches, has impacted marriages across the U.S. and globally for almost 35 years. Married since 1975, Gary and Barb have two married adult daughters, 12 grandchildren, and reside outside of Des Moines, IA. See more at www.TheRosbergGroup.com.
When we take the mindset that we do not have to be and will never be exactly alike, we open ourselves to freely learn, freely love, freely give, and to freely allow God to do His work through us, as opposed to trying to control His will in us.
When it comes to caring for the Body of Christ, cultural competency has become a growing necessity. In 2020, aside from when I (Cedric) was a young child, I cannot remember ever seeing this kind of awareness regarding the division of cultures within our society. That is not to say division was never present, but it is more prevalent today . . . and hope has never been a more needed message. Whether this trend is due to the widespread pandemic causing individuals to slow down and take note of what is happening around them or whether it is just that time in history, the critical need for cultural competency has been raised in our country. Moreover, cultural competency from a Christian perspective needs to be addressed. As a believer, life coach, counselor, police chaplain, and pastor, I have truly never
experienced the level of separation that has risen to the top of our culture as is being seen today. Though we live in diverse neighborhoods and communities, our true willingness to come together and learn of one another culturally, is often lacking. We need education, information, and a deeper understanding on cultural competency and diversity.
Cultural Competency in Life Coaching and in Caring for Others
In the 1960s, health care researchers from various disciplines began to develop theoretical and conceptual frameworks for assessing, planning, and implementing culturally relevant services for diverse populations. However, forty years later, we are still discussing the same question in many
respects. Christ’s love for the Church motivates a person to want to engage in the process of cultural competence. Spiritual caring and spiritual love are intrinsic qualities in the coach-client relationship that is most often difficult to measure directly. However, clients perceive these qualities positively, sensing they are being cared for and valued. It has been said that, “people don’t care how much you know until they first know how much you care.” This type of caring and spiritual love comes from the heart, not from the mouth. It results from one’s relationship with God.
Therefore, the goal of cultural competency is not to offer politically correct comments (from the mouth), but rather comments that reflect true spiritual caring (from the very heartbeat of God). In Acts 10, God gives Peter a vision. This vision would begin to breakdown the separation that existed between believing Jews and God-fearing gentiles. To this day, it is a vision that is commonly misunderstood and generally misinterpreted. As we read through the chapter, we come to understand that God’s ultimate purpose was not to focus on an unacceptable diet, rather it was about Him accepting the gentile believer who comes into the faith and community. In other words, God was giving Peter his first lesson on cultural awareness. Though being Culturally Competent is a necessity, one must first be culturally aware.
Human culture is related to the patterns of thought, relationships, values, beliefs, and behaviors expressed in any human community. It is usually assumed and accepted without critical reflection. It is universal but, of course, expressed in so many different and perhaps, unique, ways. Human culture shapes our identity. When we meet people who share the same culture, we often feel an immediate affinity. When we meet people of a different culture, we may enjoy the differences, or
we may be repelled by some of them. Cultures are very diverse, especially with the addition of their own sub-cultures, which are equally important to be understood in order for them to be effectively coached.
There are also examples of cultural awareness throughout the Bible. One is of Abraham and his family living as nomads. We read about the way he lived in the promised land. Through his travels and the travels of his offspring, for generations they exemplified the need to learn and successfully exist among diverse cultures. In the Old Testament, the word “gate” or “gates” refers to the gates of a city or village, not, as we might expect, the gates to private houses. So, in Deuteronomy 6:9, to write God’s law “on your gates” means on the gates of your community or city, where public affairs are discussed and where business and legal transactions are made. The purpose was to make all who approach the gate aware of the present culture in which they were entering.
In the gospels we see how Jesus was adept at crosscultural and cross-sub-cultural relationships and communication. We use cultural awareness in interpreting Jesus’ words, including, “if your eye offends you, tear it out and throw it away” and “take up your cross” (Matthew 5:29; 10:38). Language, literary style, and genre are all aspects of human culture. The Bible is not a product of 21st Century human culture, and good translations convey the meaning without losing the cultural distinctives. People may say all of these are obvious and not worth mentioning, but the fact that they recognize them and assume them, means they have already employed cultural awareness . . . even if they do not know it!
The Book of Acts and the New Testament letters introduce us to some of the different cultures and sub-cultures found within the broad Roman
Empire. In his role as an apostle to the gentiles, Paul provides a vivid example of cross-cultural awareness. He recognizes the difference between the theological and cultural requirements of the Old Testament and the theological and cultural requirements of contemporary Judaism. He enables gentiles to embrace the former (as they are fulfilled in Christ) and helps deliver them from the latter. This task required theological clarity and cultural awareness. We need to use cultural competence and diversity training in our life coaching ministries and practice every day. One danger as we engage with others is we can assume, imagine, and take for granted that everyone else is just like us, thus treating them accordingly. Conversely, today, if they are not in agreement with our culture and traditions, we tend to separate ourselves or worse, negatively judge them. We need to be in the business of conforming people to Christ, not to ourselves!
Paul wisely expressed it like this in 1 Corinthians 9:19–22, “For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more; and to the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win Jews; to those who are under the law, as under the law, that I might win those who are under the law; to those who are without law, as without law (not being without law toward God, but under law toward Christ), that I might win those who are without law; to the weak I became as weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all
men, that I might by all means save some” (NKJV). So many fear that they may lose themselves if they dare open their hearts and spirits to hear and learn about the culture of others. Jesus exemplified the ability to accept all, right where they existed, but He never lost Himself. When we take the mindset that we do not have to be and will never be exactly alike, we open ourselves to freely learn, freely love, freely give, and to freely allow God to do His work through us, as opposed to trying to control His will in us.
• We believe in a cross-cultural God whose gospel works in every culture and sub-culture, and who can be served in any culture and subculture.
• We believe in Jesus Christ who came to save people from every culture and sub-culture.
• We believe in a Holy-Spirit inspired Bible, which can be translated into every culture and subculture.
• We believe in the Church—the people of God— which includes Christ followers from every culture and sub-culture.
• We believe in the mission Jesus gave us to make disciples of all nations, and that people from every tribe, language, people, and nation will worship the Lamb.
Growing in cultural awareness and cultural adaptability is a human duty and responsibility, a Christian privilege, a Life Coach’s obligation, and it is essential to effective God-honoring Christian ministry!
Challenges for the Christian Community
For people of faith, the practice of multicultural diversity should be motivated by love for God and consequently, by love for other human beings who were also created in His image. Since God is the
Father and Creator of all, His love rests upon all, even upon those who reject Him. He therefore calls Christians and Christian communities to imitate His love in their worldwide embrace. Some cultures have been more deeply impacted by the gospel than others. Nevertheless, within every culture and every age, some patterns of living are rooted more in human sinfulness than in the cultural traditions. These sinful patterns do not provide an excuse for Christians to despise the people who practice them. Rather, even while hating sin, we must love sinners, just as God has loved us despite our sins. This calling presents an ever-present challenge to the Christian community.
A further challenge arises from the nature of the Christian community itself. Recognizing sin within the cultures of the world, including one’s own, requires that Christian communities must be closed to some expressions of cultural diversity, as well as to some expressions of its own dominant culture. The teachings of Scripture are the final and authoritative standard by which all such patterns, beliefs, values, and behaviors are to be assessed. Wisely discerning such matters requires the conscious cultivation—both individually and communally—of the biblical virtues of humility, discernment, courage, justice, and love. In our effort to rise to these challenges, God offers us His ever-gracious help.
In conclusion, multicultural diversity, then, is not to be rejected by the Christian community. Rather, believers and Christian communities have a special obligation to demonstrate the reality of Christ’s culture-transforming love, the essence of hope. In Matthew 22 and 28, Jesus gives us the easiest and purest answer to handling cultural competence and human diversity. He tells us to simply love God and to love our neighbors as ourselves. In obeying these twin mandates of the Great Commandment in the Law and the Great Commission, we will discover more and more how simply blessed we are to have multicultural diversity as human beings, having an increased capacity to reconcile with God and to each other because of Jesus Christ our Lord.
Cedric and Michelle White are pastors, life coaches, marriage counselors, and co-founders of Healing Thine Hearts (HTH), a ministry to Build Better Families by Strengthening Relationships. For more than twenty years, Cedric and Michelle have served as Board-Certified Belief Therapists and Relationship Counselors. They have collaborated with numerous organizations to help organize and facilitate relationship retreats, pre-marital trainings, and marriage mentor training. HTH currently partners with Together in Texas program, a platform that provides free training to individuals and engaged couples with pre-marital relational enhancement and divorce prevention training, assists veterans and military personnel in conjunction with the Texas Veterans Commission, Project Sanctuary and Marriage Management of Texas. Most importantly, they are parents to their three wonderful children and grandparents to five beautiful grandchildren who are all equally spoiled. See more at: www.healingthinehearts.org.
by Maj. Gen. Bob Dees
Wasthat a doozy, or what? 2020, I mean. In addition to the normal trials of life, we collectively have wrestled with COVID, school closures, economic turmoil, civil unrest, political division, contested elections, and no doubt, other life challenges which visited your doorstep. The reputed Chinese Proverb, “May you live in interesting times” was certainly fulfilled in 2020 and likely beyond! From a biblical perspective, Jesus reminds us, “In the world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NASB). 2020 has been quite the roller coaster ride!
Speaking of roller coasters, think back to your last ride. If you were like me, you feigned bravery, perhaps for your peers, siblings, or grandkids, but it was probably a little “gut check.” Now just think about your likely roller coaster fate without a seatbelt or restraining bar. That would really be crazy! On all of my roller coaster rides, my fingers have clung doggedly to my restraint—the only thing keeping me from flying off into space. I guess this is a good analogy for HOPE. Where would we be without it? Certainly in these challenging times, we would be “flying off into space” without such
an “anchor for the soul.” The book of Hebrews says it well: “. . . we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the HOPE set before us. This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul, a HOPE both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us . . . ” (Hebrews 6:18b-20a NASB [emphasis added]).
Aren’t you glad that roller coasters have safety devices that keep us grounded to the wild ride beneath our seat? Similarly, we can also be glad that we have a RESILIENT HOPE, an anchor of
the soul, which keeps us safe and secure during the wild ride of life, particularly 2020 and beyond. With this as preamble, let me make four points about Resilient Hope.
First, why do we use the term? Why this resilient qualifier? The reality is that hope is a perishable quality in our lives. In our humanity amidst the crucibles of life, hope ebbs and flows.
My lay definition of resilience includes the ability to return to original form or function after adversity or trauma. In more colloquial terms,
resilience is the ability to navigate adversity much like a tennis ball, rather than an egg. No doubt you immediately understand the distinction. Don’t get me wrong, tennis balls take quite a beating, but they keep bouncing. This is what 2 Corinthians 4:8, 9 is about—the signature resilience verse in the Scriptures: “WE ARE afflicted in every way, BUT NOT crushed; perplexed, BUT NOT despairing; persecuted, BUT NOT abandoned; struck down, BUT NOT destroyed” (NASB [emphasis added]). As these verses suggest, we are ALL (at times) afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down. These experiences are somewhat theoretical until they happen to YOU or me; then they quickly become real, raw, and visceral.
“Resilience God Style” (biblical principles of resilience reflected in the Resilience God Style series) makes the difference, allowing one to remain on the left side of the equation and NOT be crushed, despairing, abandoned or destroyed. While our hope may wane in the extremities of life, resilience is the learned and innate quality which allows our hope to return to “original form” or even higher in God’s economy—“Not by power or by might, but by My Spirit says the LORD of hosts” (Zechariah 4:6 ESV). Just ask Elijah when he sunk to the brink of suicide as he was pursued by
Jezebel. Or ask David when being chased by Saul. Or no doubt, Joseph during some dark days in prison. Or Sarah when she trusted God’s promise even when far beyond the time to bear a child. All of these heroes of the faith, just like us in so many ways, experienced roller coaster swings of despair along the way; yet God allowed them to manifest a resilient hope as they trusted in Him. So it is with each of us, “Struck down, BUT NOT destroyed” as we “cling doggedly” to Resilient Hope.
Now for a couple of other thoughts about hope from our introductory verses found in Hebrews 6. The powerful passage, “. . . strong encouragement to TAKE HOLD of the hope set before us” makes it obvious that hope requires COURAGE (the reason we need encouragement!) and positive, forceful action (“take hold”). The fight for hope is unending; it ranges across the physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and relational domains. Ultimately, hope requires FAITH in Jesus: “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1 ESV). Finally, this empowering faith and the resulting hope require PERSEVERANCE. Vines Dictionary describes this perseverance as follows: “to continue steadfastly in a thing and give unremitting care to it.”
The primary Greek word used for perseverance in the New Testament is pros (toward) kartereo (strength). In essence, we must actively move in faith towards a strong hope and ultimately the person of Jesus. The next eye catcher in the Hebrews 6 passage is, “This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul, [a HOPE] both sure and steadfast” (vs. 19 NKJV [emphasis added]).
No doubt you can draw many fruitful anchor analogies from this passage. The thought that comes to my mind is that an anchor helps avoid “drift” or what some would call a “slow fade.” Hope provides the anchorage which prevents a drift in identity (our position in Christ) and prevents a diminishing of spiritual focus or motivation. Gratefully, this HOPE is both sure (reliable) and steadfast (enduring), despite the waves and winds which seek to throw us off course. The reference to “waves and winds” calls to mind the storm on the Sea of Galilee and our last point. The frightened disciples quickly recognized that Jesus was the ultimate HOPE, the true anchor of their souls—the One who still calms the waves and winds, as well as our anxious hearts.
The last part of the Hebrews 6:19 passage makes it clear this hope allows us to see beyond our visible limits (within the veil) where Jesus “has entered
as a forerunner for us . . .” Isn’t it life changing to know that faith moves us in hope far beyond what we can see, behind the veil where Jesus has gone before us. Our resilience passage in 2 Corinthians 4:10 concludes with the secret to a resilient hope: “always carrying around in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body” (NASB). The secret to a resilient hope truly is, “Christ in YOU, the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27). Let me conclude:
• TRIBULATION is a reality. RESILIENCE is a necessity. HOPE is essential.
• Hope is an ANCHOR for our souls, both sure and steadfast.
• FAITH allows us to “take hold” of hope.
• Despite many counterfeits for hope in today’s world, JESUS is the true secret to a RESILIENT HOPE.
Proverbs 13:12 states, “HOPE deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life” (NASB). What a joy to know that despite many “hopes deferred” in the roller coaster twists and turns of life, the ultimate hope and reality is that we are assured of a “tree of LIFE”—both now, and in eternity!
Maj. Gen. Bob Dees, M.S., served for 31 years in the U.S. Army in a wide variety of command and staff positions culminating in his last three assignments as Assistant Division Commander for Operations, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault); Commander, Second Infantry Division, United States Forces Korea; and as Deputy Commanding General, V (US/GE) Corps in Europe, concurrently serving as Commander, US-Israeli Combined Task Force for Missile Defense. Following military retirement in January 2003, Gen. Dees served as Executive Director, Defense Strategies, with the Microsoft Corporation; followed by leadership of a non-profit outreach to the military. While authoring The Resilience Trilogy and the Resilience God Style study series, he was the Associate Vice President for Military Outreach and Director of the nation’s first Institute for Military Resilience at Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA. Gen. Dees also served as National Security Advisor and Campaign Chair for Ben Carson. He is President of Resilience Consulting, LLC, and President of The National Center for Healthy Veterans (NCFHV). Gen. Dees is married to his wife Kathleen and they have two children and seven grandchildren, while currently residing in Round Rock, TX. See more at www.resiliencegodstyle.com.
When we become honest with ourselves, I think we are more compelled to turn back to God.
For over 30 years, Dr. Dave Stoop and I have been communicating a consistent message that is consistently met with opposition. Our message has been that the 12 Steps developed by Bill W. and Dr. Bob of Alcoholics Anonymous are not only biblically based, but are for anyone, not just alcoholics, drug addicts or others who could be classified as, “those people.” If these principles are based on God’s Word, then they represent a valid growth program for anyone who is willing to utilize them as a guide or as they say in recovery circles, “work them.” Even though Dr. Bob, in his last public speech said the Steps were drawn from I Corinthians 13, the book of James, and the Sermon on the Mount in the “Good Book,” do they really present a biblical path for spiritual growth and freedom? Let’s take them, as they are best worked, one step at a time as written in the Life Recovery Bible, a project in which Dave and I served as Editors. I will cover the first nine Steps here and the last three in the next Issue of InFocus.
We admitted that we were powerless over our problems and that our lives had become unmanageable.
When Paul writes in Romans 7:18, “I know nothing good lives in me . . . I want to do what is right, but I can’t,” he seems to be lamenting exactly what this first step is saying. In and of myself I have an extreme limitation and there is not enough power within me to manage the problems that are controlling me. It does not say helpless; it is just an indication of the awareness that comes when trying harder just makes trying harder.
We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
There are many verses that say the same thing, but it is clearly the message of Philippians 2:13 that
communicates this critical understanding . . . God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. Discovering God wants to move us toward sanity and stability is perhaps the most life changing realization anyone can make.
Yet, for it to make a difference, there has to be more than realization. This is where step three comes in.
Step Three
We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Bill Wilson read The Varieties of Religious Experience by William James after Bill had his own spiritual experience. In the book, he noted, “All religion begins with the cry ‘Help!’” Romans 12:1 is one of many Scriptures that addresses this important step of willingness. The passage reads, “Dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable” (NLT). This step assumes our understanding of God will become clearer and clearer.
Step Four
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Lamentations 3:40 encourages this searching and fearless self-examination. “Let us test and examine our ways. Let us turn back to the LORD” (Lamentations 3:40 NLT). When we become honest with ourselves, I think we are more compelled to turn back to God. Obviously this change in direction is not something that would only benefit an alcoholic or drug addict.
Step Five
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Notice that all of the steps are past tense. That is because Bill and Bob were sharing what worked for them when they got better and they believed they would work for others also. Here is a verse that instructs us to share what we know about the downside of our behavior: “Confess you sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16 NLT). If it is true that we are only as sick as our secrets, this is a direct path to healing, restoration, and transformation.
Six
We were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.
Here is a complete step dedicated in getting ready to begin cooperating with God and going to work on the difficult and deficient paths we have fallen into. Doing so requires humility as outlined by James 4:10, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor” (ESV). Humility before God readies us for what He has for us, even if it is difficult. When I am “entirely” ready, the Lord becomes more important than whatever it is I need to give up.
Step Seven
We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
“If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (I John 1:9 NLT). There is no need for shame after our sins are wiped clean by God through Jesus Christ. Continued awareness, humility, and willingness bring us to the point where we ask God for help.
Step Eight
We made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
This is the beginning of making things right with everyone we have wronged. It is the beginning of a shameless life. “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31 NIV) is reflected here as we would want someone to think of us and become willing to make amends.
Step Nine
We made direct amends to such people whenever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.
Mathew 5:23–24 shows how important this is to Christ: “If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar and someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God” (NLT). First things first is a very healthy way to live and it begins by making things right with others.
In the next Issue of InFocus, we will cover the last three steps of Life Recovery, the steps of maintenance and growth.
Stephen Arterburn, MEd, is the Founder and Chairman of New Life Ministries, the Founder of Women of Faith conferences (attended by over five million people), and host of the #1 nationally syndicated Christian counseling talk show, “New Life Live,” heard by two million people each weekday on 200 radio stations nationwide. As a nationally and internationally known public speaker, he has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, CNN Live, The New York Times, USA Today, US News & World Report, ABC World News Tonight, along with GQ and Rolling Stone magazines. Steve is also an inductee to the National Speakers Association Hall of Fame and a best-selling author of books such as Every Man’s Battle, Healing Is a Choice, Toxic Faith, Walking Into Walls, and his latest books, the Arterburn Wellness Series, and more. With over 11 million books in print, he has been writing about God’s transformational truth since 1984. Along with Dr. David Stoop, he edited and produced the award-winning Life Recovery Bible, which is on exhibit at The Museum of the Bible in Washington, DC. His ministry endeavors focus on identifying and compassionately responding to the needs of those seeking healing and restoration through God’s truth. Steve currently serves as the Teaching Pastor at Northview Church in Carmel, Indiana, where he resides with his family. See more at: www.newlife.com
“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” —Nelson Mandela
Prejudice, discrimination, racism, and stereotypes have plagued our world for centuries. Regardless of how we have progressed in medicine, education, and technology, prejudice and racism still infect our communities today. Individuals are being hurt, families destroyed, and churches abandoned as a result of this destructive “virus.” We must acknowledge we are dealing with a “sinful” problem as much as it is a “social” problem. Recognizing both sides will assist us in our efforts to reconcile, heal, and prevent negative outcomes in the future. Before we delve into the
In ministry, the way in which you “lead” someone to Christ is by “showing” someone Christ . . . through your grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.
solutions for prejudice, we must first understand what it is and how it can inadvertently become an assimilated behavior in all of us.
Often, the words “prejudice” and other similar terms are interchanged and misused, mostly due to not having a clear definition or understanding of each term. For clarification, prejudice is a negative attitude or affective response toward a particular group and its members. Stereotypes are beliefs regarding attributes that are thought to be characteristic of members of particular groups Discrimination is the unfair treatment of members of a particular group based on their membership in that group. In short, prejudice is an attitude, a stereotype is a belief, and discrimination is a treatment.
Regardless of the type of prejudice (religion, age, racial, gender, etc.), they all have the same three components: (1) a Cognitive Component, which comprises a set of beliefs about the group or individual; (2) an Affective Component, which is a feeling towards the group or individual; (3) a Behavioral Component, which is a set of behaviors or actions directed towards the group or individual based on the other two components. Furthermore, prejudicial behavior can progress, according to personality theorist, Gordon Allport, in five stages: (1) Anti-locution, comprising of such things as malicious gossip, verbal putdowns, and nasty jokes; (2) Avoidance; (3) Discrimination or when the object of the stereotype is excluded from certain rights; (4) Physical Attacks; and (5) Extermination.
“If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land” (2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV).
As believers, we must remember that, “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12 KJV).
Regardless if such hatred is socially, politically or even spiritually motivated, prayer is the starting point and the foundation from which we start. Only God can change the heart of a man . . . all we can do is help direct that man to God. “After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, ‘Why couldn’t we drive it out?’ He replied, ‘This kind can come out only by prayer’” (Mark 9:28–29 NIV).
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV). In ministry, the way in which you “lead” someone to Christ is by “showing” someone Christ . . . through your grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. Thus, the goal in racial reconciliation is not to “lead” someone to change, but rather “show” someone to change. “Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do” (Philippians 3:17 NIV).
Just as prejudice and hate are shown, taught, and learned, so is love and forgiveness. How believers handle the ugly disease of prejudice and discrimination, will show, teach, and validate the feelings of prejudice. Being angry is a normal feeling, especially when faced with racism and discrimination. How we deal with that anger is the key to healing and like a wise believer once said, hurting people hurt people. “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26 KJV).
At one point in our lives, we all have experienced or displayed prejudice. To what degree is the question. When that prejudice and discrimination dominates our ability to embrace and accept people of a different ethnicity or culture, then we have a problem. This inability (or unwillingness) to demonstrate God’s love will open the door to sin. When the sin door opens, then prejudice, abuse, hatred, and even violence can follow. As believers who walk in the teachings of Christ, acknowledging and repenting of such sin is biblical protocol. Ask the Lord to search your heart for any signs of unhealthy feelings and beliefs solely based on a person’s color or culture. Ask the Lord to
teach you how to love unconditionally. Then, forgive yourself and continue to grow in faith, love, and equality. Galatians 3:28 says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (NIV).
Conclusion
By all means, if you see something, say something. When the ugly head of racial discrimination and prejudice pops up, make sure your reply and response is not equally discriminating and prejudicial. God never intended for us to be color prejudiced nor color-blind; rather, He desires for us to be color blessed.
Allport, G. (1954). The nature of prejudice. Addison-Wesley. Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Prentice Hall. Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1979). An integrative theory of intergroup conflict. The Social Psychology of Intergroup Relations, (33)47.
Rev. Mark Crear, PhD, is a two-time Olympic Medalist (110 Meter-High Hurdles), a motivational speaker, certified counselor, and organizational consultant. Dr. Crear has over 15 years of diversified experience in multicultural competency training, diversity and inclusion, racial reconciliation, and life, relationship, organizational and performance coaching. He is the Founding Principal of In the Zone Coaching, Counseling, and Consulting Group, a mental health educator as an adjunct professor of psychology at Houston Baptist University, and published author (In the Zone: How to Overcome the Hurdles of Life and Peace Be Still: How to Promote Racial Reconciliation and Healing). As a former Olympic athlete, he understands the importance of hard work, perseverance, and focus. Dr. Crear is an ordained minister, speaking to both corporations and churches, but cherishes his roles as a loving husband and doting father. He and his family live in Northridge, CA. See more at markcrear.com
Any breakdown in our society, whether at the family level, the business level or the church level, can be traced back to a simple principle: Leadership is always the problem and leadership is always the answer.
*Adapted from Bulletproof: Business Protection Strategies from a War Zone
During my first day on the job as President of Middle East Television, the largest SuperStation in the Middle East, I was escorted to a meeting with General Lahad, the General in command of the South Lebanese Army. Our TV station covered all of Israel and all the Middle East. The station operations, however, were in a war zone in South Lebanon. I wore a flak jacket to work and was accompanied by armed bodyguards and traveled in an armored Land Rover. It was exciting (and terrifying) to meet the general. Our station was on his property, and so any visit from corporate executives started with a meeting with General Lahad, to bring greetings and to show respect for his protection of our station and our employees in the war zone.
After being frisked at the door to his compound, we were guided into his sunroom overlooking the Lebanon Mountains. The general was a short man with intense but kind eyes and the customary shadowy beard. His right arm was in a sling (recovering from an assassination attempt), so he extended his left hand. We sat down to wonderful Turkish coffee. He called for additional “hospitality.”
Unlike my limited “American” experience with “hospitality,” where I would have expected cheese and crackers or some fruit, the server brought us a huge bowl filled, not with a variety of fruit and cheese, but cigarettes!
As we sat down to talk, the windows were vibrating from the concussion of a shelling bombardment happening close by in the mountains between the general’s Army and the Hezbollah. I was completely out of my comfort zone!
Anticipating the first question from the general to be complicated on so many fronts about world events, security issues in the zone regarding our operations, and the current shelling and fighting, I waited.
“Tell me about Monica Lewinsky” was the general’s first question! And so began my education about doing business in a war zone! I know the question from General Lahad seems funny and ridiculously out of place for the setting, but it underscored for me an essential spiritual and business principle: “LEADERS DO NOT ACT IN A VACUUM.”
Others are watching. People are taking their cues from our actions and from the language of our leaders. When it comes to heads of organizations or churches or movements or countries, the actions of leaders can be a tremendous positive and productive force or release chaos, confusion, and uncertainty among their followers.
We all deserve to look up to our leaders. In many ways, we are wired that way and often cannot help
ourselves. Leaders need to accept this responsibility as readily as they accept the accolades and benefits of leadership. In the case of President Clinton’s dalliances with Ms. Lewinsky, I am sure he was not thinking that the actions in his office at the White House would have any “foreign policy implications” or that they would affect things on a world-wide scale. However, for General Lahad, who was trying to anticipate the support (or lack thereof) of world powers like the United States, the President’s actions carried far-reaching implications.
“Would your President start a war to try to divert attention from his personal problems?” General Lahad asked. “Or would he not engage in an important supportive conflict out of fear that he would be blamed for starting an action to divert attention from his personal problems?”
A leader’s actions have a profound effect on so many people. If we are going to lead well—whether it is as the head of our household, managing a business, leading a corporation, or leading a
church—we can never forget to consider the farreaching implications of our actions, for good or for bad. Jesus said it best, “Truly, truly, I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him” (John 13:16 NIV).
Any breakdown in our society, whether at the family level, the business level or the church level, can be traced back to a simple principle: LEADERSHIP IS ALWAYS THE PROBLEM and LEADERSHIP IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER . The destruction, chaos, and disappointment that runs rampant in our world today can be traced back to faulty leadership. And without exception, faulty leadership can be traced back to selfish actions that do not consider the layers of people who will be influenced by our actions. Someone once said, “No one sins in a vacuum.” We need to lead well and we all need take responsibility for our actions and their effects on those around us.
When my brief life in this world is done, I hope and pray to be able to echo the challenging words of the Apostle Paul: “ . . . we have wronged no one, corrupted no one, and taken advantage of no one” (2 Corinthians 7:2 TPT). In his letter to the Philippian Church, Paul also reminded everyone: “ . . . in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves. Abandon every display of selfishness. Possess a greater concern for what matters to others instead of your own interests. And consider the example that Jesus, the Anointed One, has set before us” (Philippians 2:3, 4 TPT).
Stephen D. Lentz, Esq, is a co-founder of Anchor Legal Group, PLLC, the former President of Middle East Television, and the former Senior Vice President of Worldwide Sales for International Family Entertainment. Mr. Lentz has served as an adjunct professor at Regent University School of Law and the Graduate School of Communications, and serves clients in the areas of corporate formation, complex business transactions, entertainment law, intellectual property, non-profit law, and foundation and church/ministry representation. He is also an author and speaker, including: Bulletproof: Business Protection Strategies from a War Zone and The Business of Church: The Concise Business Handbook for Pastors and a leadership book based on the life and leadership of H.J. Heinz, It Was Never About the Ketchup! Mr. Lentz is recognized as one of the top five “Church Law Authorities” in the U.S. representing denominations and churches in all 50 states and every province in Canada. He and his wife, Cathy, live in Virginia Beach, VA, have four children, and seven grandchildren. See more at stephendlentz.com
WAs leaders, our desire to improve and understand ourselves better is one of the reasons why emotional intelligence has become so popular in the last three decades—because it is about behavioral issues which can be identified, tuned, and strengthened.
e are engaged in a Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous (VUCA) time of history in which our health, relationships, work effectiveness, and overall well-being are being stressed to a breaking point for many. With social distancing, leaders worry about becoming isolated and losing the strength of connections they have worked hard to develop. Therefore, “coaching hope” is urgent and necessary. Hope is a feeling of trust, an expectation for a certain outcome. How does the ability to impart hope fit into leadership traits? Here are two insightful quotes that speak to this question: “A prime function of a leader is to keep hope alive” (John W. Gardner, former Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare) and “Hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is no virtue at all . . . As long as matters are really hopeful, hope is mere flattery or platitude; it is only when everything is hopeless that hope begins to be a strength” (G.K. Chesterton, English author and theologian).
What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and how does hope fit into the model?
The EQ model in which I am certified, confident, and competent is the EQ-i 2.0 from Multi-Health Systems (MHS), which is the broadest and the most well researched. There are 15 behaviors found to be critical to our interaction in the world and it was created as a cross cultural model and the definition is addressed with clarity: EQ is a set of emotional and social skills that collectively establish how well we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain social relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way.
In demonstration of the power of EQ, which is my hope for leaders, I offer excerpts from an astonishingly positive and enduring story of a leader named Ernest Shackleton who stands out as an exceptional testimony to the mature and highly developed behaviors of emotional intelligence. Sir
Ernest Shackleton is an Irishman and yes, as I am a first-generation American and dual citizen of the United States and “the old country,” Shackleton has an ancestral charm for me. In 1914, Ernest Shackleton led the first-ever attempt to cross Antarctica on foot. During what would become an almost two-year ordeal, he and his men were stranded in the frigid waters and Antarctic ice. The name of his ship, The Endurance, and the story’s miraculous ending is the reason I present this narrative as a leadership development case study in my executive coaching practice. A key to the survival of his 28 men was Shackleton’s highly developed emotional intelligence and effective actions. “The Boss,” as he was lovingly called, consistently used emotion management skills to avoid problems among his team members and display gravitas in leadership. He saw himself as the energy leader and showed up every day actionready for his mission. He understood the power of body language and carried himself carefully and confidently which commanded respect and compliance.
For the Christian, Shackleton’s story and demonstration of leadership provides an opportunity to see God’s sovereignty and providence at work. As his story illustrates, EQ leadership coaching is so hopeful because each one of us has certain behaviors that we are trying to “get a handle on,” and it means getting more access to and increasing our skill level to “choose appropriate situated behaviors.” As leaders, our desire to improve and understand ourselves better is one of the reasons why emotional intelligence has become so popular in the last three decades— because it is about behavioral issues which can be identified, tuned, and strengthened. Over time and with God’s guidance and providence, our development of EQ creates pathways to resilience and hope.
At the conclusion of her book, The Endurance: Shackleton’s Legendary Antarctic Expedition, Caroline Alexander writes, “Shackleton elicited from his men strength and endurance they had never imagined they possessed; he ennobled them. He would be remembered for what he was capable of drawing out of others.” Such leadership excellence through intentional development is my hope for the emotional intelligence applications in my coaching practice. And it is not too much to hope that it can be yours too.
The story of Shackleton’s emotional intelligence gives credence to Hebrews 10:24, “Study one another to see how you might encourage one another to love, to good deeds, and to noble activities” (AB). This Scripture has been the heartbeat of my life, my practice as a life coach, and my actions as a leader. I am determined to help others, first to identify their innate Godgiven cognitive and personality gifts and then, to realize the fruit of engaging in relationships with situationally appropriate and emotionally intelligent behaviors.
It is helpful to focus on hope and EQ which identifies those leadership behaviors and values in Shackleton’s story as he behaved as a leader who cared about his men and who believed they would return home safely. Among other behaviors, the following are four characteristic EQ behaviors he demonstrated:
1. Social Responsibility through routine. Shackleton created consistency, stability, confidence, and belief. When the ship went down, crushed by the ice in November of 1915, he established a task roster, and everyone had a job every day. Also, everyone was responsible for walking three miles around the ice to get their exercise because he knew that exercise was good for the men. He told them, “It’s mental medicine.”
2. Interpersonal Relationships through socialization.
No one could be alone in their tent after dinner. They met together for games, music, presentations, and plays. He knew that fellowship would prevent doubt, discouragement, despair, and conflict among the team.
3. Empathy through immediate responsive action.
When he saw a man’s energy fading or a man in despondency, rather than single them out or embarrass them, he called everyone together for some food or a hot drink and that strengthened their spirits.
4. Problem-Solving through discernment.
Conflict happens in all groups, especially those facing extreme stresses. Having closely studied his men, identifying temperament and character traits, Shackleton kept those likely to cause dissension close to him. In fact, when he had to make a life-threatening rescue decision to cross 800 miles in a small boat for hopeful survival, he took the potential troublemakers with him leaving the other 22 men on Elephant Island knowing they would encourage and help each other.
Shackleton’s consistent EQ behaviors inspired the men with confidence and resilience. Remarkably, the men, in response, were tuned and strengthened through their own behaviors and through the development of the “Big Three” behaviors of the EQ-i model, namely self-regard, self-actualization, and optimism. The following three behaviors are highly correlated to each other and each needs the other two and feeds the other two:
1. Self-regard through Shackleton’s attention and empowerment.
This behavior refers to the ability and the tendency for the men to both like and have confidence in themselves.
2. Self-actualization in waking up each day to assignments, goals, and actions designed for survival.
The daily roster helped the men to want to grow, stretch, and work toward survival, the ultimate fulfillment of their goal.
3. Optimism, as Shackleton showed up every single day as their leader, whether he was giving orders, coaching or encouraging. His behaviors gave the men hope, inspired resilience, and enabled them to maintain a positive attitude even in the face of adversity.
Rita Murray, PhD, is the Founder and Principal of Performance Consulting, LLC, an organizational development firm, previous CEO and Chairman of a national energy services company, cognitive psychologist, Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), executive coach, and sought-after leadership consultant. She has held leadership roles at GE and Lockheed, and is also a private pilot. Dr. Murray frequently speaks at leadership events and conferences and is highly regarded for her ability to connect personal and interpersonal development with the needs of business and with mobile and virtual technology. She has a particular gift for explaining the different perspectives of each generation and personality types to create a bridge of understanding towards healthier business relationships and ultimately, a stronger bottom line. Dr. Murray lives in Moore, OK with her husband, Ron. See more at performanceok.com
If it’s being contagious that concerns others right now, why not be contagious with Christ? And the only way to become “infected” is if we are close enough to the source. May God so infect us with Himself that when we are around our clients, there is a high probability they will “catch” a good case of Jesus.
Has it been hard to stay focused lately?
Focus helps us build momentum, increase productivity, reduce stress, eliminate distractions, prioritize tasks, produce quality work, and perhaps most importantly, help us—and our clients—stay on mission. I must confess, in many ways, these are the most unpredictable, unsettling, and the most biblically significant days I have yet experienced in my lifetime. How about you? And almost everyone seems to have an opinion about them.
Sometimes it feels like those around us are simply trying to shout a little louder than the next person, desperate to get attention, but all you get is noise . . . everything you see is a little blurry . . . out of focus. Fallen human nature (and I suspect the subtle strategy of the evil one) loves to turn everything into a dichotomy . . . force a choice, and if it’s the wrong one, you risk being immediately labeled,
branded, criticized, ridiculed, and sometimes worse.
Though we live in a more technologically connected world than at any point in human history, we are also more relationally disconnected than we have ever been. This growing dynamic is not a recent trend, but it’s being pushed to the front and center and fueled by a global pandemic that has created an altered state of “normal” and a passionate search for something . . . anything . . . that speaks of hope. Even with the millions around the world who now know what a Zoom call is, we are losing the art of two-way conversation, the value of listening, the gift of kindness and respect, and the blessing of entering into genuine relationship with another person. These key elements are at the very heartbeat of what life coaching is all about.
There also seems to be a lot of “prophetic” voices weighing in on the times we now find ourselves and what the New Year may bring. Is God “judging” America for her “sins?” Is a great global revival coming? Is Christ’s return imminent? Will the Church finally rise up from decades of slumber, content on being lukewarm and only offering those portions of the gospel that seem safe, appealing, “seeker friendly” or non-controversial? Much to think about. One of the messages woven into the story of the Passover is that the Israelites were told to eat the “whole” lamb, not just the parts they wanted or were the most desirable. What does it mean to embrace the whole Word of God?
While any number of people seem content to go back and forth on social media platforms, debate politics, opine on the efficacy of vaccines, therapeutic anti-virials, to mask or not to mask, and the status of the next economic stimulus plan, far too many souls are walking in the wrong direction and on the wrong road . . . the one that is wide and leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13–14),
perhaps missing the narrow gate altogether because they are distracted more by the “noise” around them than God’s passionate plea to let us know He is knocking at the door.
If it’s being contagious that concerns others right now, why not be contagious with Christ? And the only way to become “infected” is if we are close enough to the source. May God so infect us with Himself that when we are around our clients, there is a high probability they will “catch” a good case of Jesus. The very thought makes me stop and consider my own character, my words, the tone of my voice—whether in speech or “out there” in the digital world—and the degree to which I demonstrate grace or show evidence of God moving in and through me. Our words and our actions reveal much when we pull the curtain back and illuminate the matters of the heart.
So, what should be the anchor in a storm called “Chaos?” What is the source of hope for a broken world, for broken people, and broken institutions?
The writer of Hebrews says, “We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain” (Hebrews 6:10 ESV). Of course, this is speaking of Christ and His atoning work on the cross, as well as His Word. It is the “culture” of Scripture that we must allow to inform us as Christian Life Coaches—it gives us confidence, peace, hope . . . an anchor in the midst of any storm.
For me, God’s Word is the first and last filter, a safety net, the lens in which to look through and bring truth into focus, what He uses to judge the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12), a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:105), and though heaven and earth will one day pass away, His Word will never pass away (Matthew 24:35). Life Coaching is a forward looking process and one that focuses on what “can be” . . . in other words, the essence of hope.
A more popular theme than “focus” in today’s culture is being “woke,” but I am compelled to ask myself if I am awake spiritually? To be awake at all times, praying to have the strength to stand before the Son of Man (Luke 21:36)? To be awake
so Christ will shine on me (Ephesians 5:14)? To be awake because I don’t know what day the Lord is returning (Matthew 24:42)? To wake up and strengthen the things that remain (Revelation 3:2)? Yes, we need to be awake in order to see, but to see the right things.
However, it begins with us, because it is inherently difficult to lead a client to a place we know nothing about or are unwilling to make the journey ourselves. God invites us into His optometry shop from time-to-time . . . to get our vision checked and this is also what we do as life coaches. Some are nearsighted. They can only see what’s right in front of them but ignore the pain all around. Others are farsighted. It’s everyone else’s fault or problem—as far back in history as it takes to find a reason—but they fail to take personal responsibility when it’s called for or really needed. And frankly, some people are just blind. If we allow God to correct our vision, then, and only then, will we be able to see what He sees. If we can do that, we can be His eyes, His ears, His hands, His feet, His voice . . . to a world desperately looking for answers.
Eric Scalise, PhD, LPC, LMFT, serves as Senior Vice President and Chief Strategy Officer (CSO) with Hope for the Heart. He is also the President of LIV Consulting, LLC, the former Senior Vice President for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and former Department Chair for Counseling Programs at Regent University in Virginia Beach, VA. Dr. Scalise is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with over 43 years of clinical and professional experience in the mental health, higher education, and organizational consulting fields, as well as having served six years on the Virginia Board of Counseling under two governors. Specialty areas include professional/ pastoral stress and burnout, combat trauma and PTSD, marriage and family issues, grief and loss, addictions and recovery, leadership development, and lay counselor training. He is a published author (Addictions and Recovery Counseling and Lay Counseling: Equipping Christians for a Helping Ministry), adjunct professor at several Christian universities, conference speaker, and frequently works with organizations, clinicians, ministry leaders, and churches on a variety of issues. As the son of a diplomat, Dr. Scalise was born in Nicosia, Cyprus, and has also lived and traveled extensively around the world. He and his wife Donna have been married for 43 years, have twin sons who are combat veterans serving in the U.S. Marine Corps, and four grandchildren
A 50-topic, 10-volume librar y with clear answers from God’s Word and concise, practical guidance on life’s challenges
