SERVING HENDRICKS COUNTY SINCE 1847
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The Republican
Thursday, April 1, 2021
Better a witty fool Than a foolish wit. Shakespeare
S E R V I N G
H E N D R I C K S
C O U N T Y
S I N C E
W H E N
The Radical
Volume 1, Number 17
New Reading Program at Local Libraries
Thursday, April 1, 2021
Published Weakly in Danville, Indiana
Subdivision Ruffles Feathers
The Danville Town
With the success of “Reading to Dogs” for chil-
dren, the Hendricks County Libraries will be adapting the canine program to bovines with the introduction of “Reading to Cows” for adults. The program will not only help raise awareness of adult literacy by providing a non-judgemental reading partner, but will improve comprehension through rumination. Participants can select any dairy breed as their reading partner, and sign up for a 30-minute slot, after morning milking or after evening milking. ______________________________________________
Mandatory Golf Cart Ordinance Under Consideration
Council came up with a compromise that will “kill two birds with one stone,” so to speak. The proposed housing development west of town will become Indiana’s first fowl-friendly subdivision, “Coop de Ville,” where all residents will be required to maintain a flock of chickens. Amenities will include an oval town center, which will double as a roundabout to handle the increased traffic. Free Range Park will have walking paths This sign will welcome visitors to Coop de Ville, Indiana’s first poulty-friendly commuof crushed oyster shells nity. The sign will be located just off U.S. 36 on Henny Penny Lane. with chicken feeders and water fountains placed along the way. HousAvon Mulls ing units include sinName Change gle-roost, double-roost, And what is so rare as an April 1 that falls on With its continuing and coopdominiums. growth and the problems Thursday? ___________ that growth brings, the This marks the 17th Town of Avon is considsuch alignment of date er reverting to one of its More Centers and day since 1900. To past names. commemorate this temCalled for at “Smootsdell is not as poral coincidence, we Brownsburg aspirational as a name present a special oneBrownsburg is conassociated with Shakepage, one-time issue to sidering multiple Town speare,” a source reshow proof of Abraham Centers, because you vealed. “Builders might Lincoln’s adage, “You can’t have too much of a can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of thing twice before plan- good thing. the people some of the time, but you can not fool all ning a subdivision called “Some people like one Smootdell Heights.” of the people all of the time.” thing, some like anoth__________ Especially on April 1. er,” a resident said. “Not __________________________________________ everybody likes nougat;
Newspaper Publishes Special Edition for April 1
With rush hour traffic headaches for both towns
and commuters, some Hendricks County towns are considering making golf carts mandatory. “Somebody should have thought of this before,” a local traffic expert said under the condition that their name not be revealed. “You can get more vehicles in less space and reduce road rage incidents. In fact, roundabouts should be installed at regular intervals. It wouldn’t necesarily speed up the morning drive, but going around in a little circle would bring back childhood memories - I can just see the drivers happily going around several times - especially if they played merry-go-round music on a speaker.” __________________________________________
Yester~Year
Plainfield Looks at Drive-In Movie Restaurants
With the plans to convert the former Prewitt Theater into a restaurant at Plainfield, several local restaurants are mulling the prospect of introducing drive-in movies with meals. “It would built on the style of the old Dog & Suds drive-ins,” explained an anonymous source. “Servers on roller skates would take the orders for the meal and the movie, which would be projected on a screen in front of each table...I mean parking spot. We would offer specials to accompany certain movies - prime rib with westerns, shrimp with Forest Gump, and kids’ meals with cartoons.” _________________________________________.
Danville Park Plans To Go No-Mow Issue of April 1, 1915 The Amalgamated Association of Federated Women’s clubs had an exciting meeting where several of the ladies publicly expressed their private opinion of several other ladies, who retaliated in return. _________________________________________
Fountain Plan
A plan to incorporation the Bison-tennial Bison into the new water fountain on the square is being discussed. Exactly where the water will come out is the main problem.
With the rise in cost of lawn mower repairs Ellis Park in Danville is planning to put up fence and rent several flocks of sheep. “Our mowing staff was getting saddle sores,” explained Park Superintendent Will Lacey. Plans are to use rotational grazing during the growing season and keep the the wool to insulate the park buildings during the winter.
Miracle
After 37 years in min-
istry, Pastor Phil Gulley is pleased to announce he’s gotten saved. In a related story, a number of ministers, with no goal left to attain, announced their retirement.
Plumber Calls It Quits
Danville’s festive plumber, Bill Eddy, has retired to the south of France. He plans to write a tell-all book about growing up as a friend of Phil Gulley. Movie rights are under negotiation. __________
The Republican Editor To Retire The Republican’s ed-
itor, Betty Bartley, has announced plans to retire. “The April Fools Day issue was the breaking point,” she explained. “After conferring with Bill Eddy, we both decided we had had enough of it and vowed to seek better working conditions.” She is currently tending bar until something better comes along. The paper will begin rerunning past issues in the hopes that no one will notice. A new title is under consideration by the publisher. Being considered are “The Socialist Democrat,” “The Hendricks County Tattler,” and “You Didn’t Hear It From Us.” __________
some want maple fudge. Then there are those that insist on caramel and others who won’t touch coconut. With multiple centers, everybody get a choice.” __________
More TV-Theme Restaurants
Move over, Mayberry Café, new restaurants with classic TV series as themes are coming to Danville. The Dick Van Dyke Diner will feature a home-like setting (watch out for the ottoman) and meals served at a kitchen table.
The I Love Lucy Lunchroom will cater to those wanting a quick meal. Food will arrive on a conveyor belt that speeds up as you eat. Opening dates have not been announced. Check your TV Guide for time and location.
50¢
