Alongsideconfusionandanger,frustrationappeared His passingseemedsounnecessary.Whycouldn’thejuststop abusingdrugsandalcohol?Aftermonthsofexcruciatingpain anddespair,Ihadnochoicebuttoseekhealing;mylife,my marriage,andmychildren’swell-beingdependedonit
Although completely normal and natural to feel survivors guilt, anger, and frustration, (and we must feel these things in order to move through the grieving process), we are not meant to stay in these feelings They rob us of life and the opportunity to bring goodness and love to the world These heavy, grief-laden feelings keep us from living in our purpose, and we must live with purpose since that is what each of us is called to do during our lives We are allowed to live a life full of health, happiness, and peace even though our loved ones are no longer with us
Our good life is not a betrayal, and joy does not negate grief.
Once ingested, their body develops a compulsion which dictates they must take more. Many refer to this compulsion as a physical allergy. Their bodies crave more and more, and they simply cannot think their way out of using once they’ve begun, which is why the disease is classified as a mental illness it centers in the mind. Addiction is a relentless obsession that an addict cannot talk themselves or think themselves out of.
Your person did not choose drugs or alcohol over you or anyone else in their life. They were powerless to choose you over drugs and alcohol.
They wonder if they will be next. I have seen many people get sober after the death of a close friend or relative who died from the disease. It also causes people who do not struggle with addiction to pause and reflect on their lives, often compelling them to make positive, healthy changes to their lifestyle.
Your person did not die in vain.
I will not say it happened for a reason, but the effect of their death is far-reaching here in the physical world as well as in the afterlife Although there is no answer as to why your loved one has departed, their spirit lives on in bounteous ways, perhaps even giving new life to someone here who is still suffering
My grief will never go away, it’s not meant to But it changed me, and for the better By embracing my grief and nurturing healthy coping skills, my life today has more substance, meaning, and purpose than ever before I wish the same for you
About The Author, Amanda McKoy Flanagan, LMSW
A native New Yorker turned Coloradan, Amanda blends street smarts with tree hugging for a sensible and spiritual approach to love and loss; she is no stranger to either. Author, podcaster, and motivational speaker.
For more about Amanda’s story, check out
her debut memoir/self-help book, Trust Yourself to Be All In:
Safe to Love and Let Go, available on Amazon and on her website, amandamckoyflanagan com You can find her podcast, Sol Rising: All In on Love, Loss, and Connection, on YouTube, Apple, and Spotify Both her book and podcast are available on the HeartLight Center website Amanda facilitates the virtual Survivors of Substance Loss Grief Support Group that meets on the fourth Thursday of the month
GRIEF-INFORMED APPROACHES FOR SUBSTANCE ABUSE TREATMENT
By Jenny Robbins, MA, LPC, CBC and Kirk Johnson, MA, LPC, LAC South Platte Counseling, southplattecounseling.com
Kirk Johnson, MA, LPC, LAC
I have had several careers and numerous jobs during my life, but being a therapist is my life’s calling I’ve been a counselor for more than three decades and have helped hundreds of clients move through the stages of recovery towards a life free of suffering I have provided understanding and relief to people who have come to me in emotional distress and psychological pain I offer counseling with warmth, patience, skill, and an experienced, open mind Coming from a humanistic perspective, I believe that my clients have the answers within and have the power to change I work with people who have problems with addictions, depression, anxiety, loss, relationship difficulties, and life transitions
Jenny Robbins, MA, LPC, CBC
I am a certified provider of Compassionate Bereavement Care™, specialized trauma and grief care, at South Platte Counseling I leverage my training and my lived experience to walk alongside clients coping with their immeasurable losses as my grief therapist did for me I have leaned into my own grief and healing since my 19-year-old son, Kade, accidentally drowned with alcohol a factor in 2012 I enjoy being a part of the HeartLight Center community by cofacilitating their Virtual Loss of a Child Book Club On weekends you may find me curled up with a book and my cats or on a mountain trail with my husband and middle schooler, Asher.
An Intro to Grief-Informed Counseling – Jenny
Ingeneral,oursocietydoesn’t“dogrief” verywell.Grief-informedcaremayflyin thefaceofwhatwemaythinkofas healing,progress,ortreatment Griefinformedcarehonorsthewholeofan experience.Allfeelingscanbehonored andattendedtointhesetherapy rooms–thegood,thebad,theugly and thenearlyunmentionable.
There’s a W I D E swath of what is normal in grief, wider than society might acknowledge Grieving is complex, and like a fingerprint, will be individual and unique We gently nudge our clients toward curiosity and exploration of their grief
They often employ a combination of approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), motivational interviewing (MI), and group therapy to address the emotional and behavioral aspects of addiction. Trauma-informed care is an additional aspect that we think is very important
How I Use Grief-Informed Therapy Around Substance Use
Grief-Informed Therapy Complements the 12 Traditions
– Jenny
The 12 Steps guide a path toward healing through a series of actions These actions, or steps, are designed to aid in mental and spiritual growth We believe the 12 Steps can be a critical element of a long-term recovery program
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) requires one ingredient: avoidance Grief work involves turning toward, and curiosity vs avoidance “What’s underneath that? And that?” “If those tears could talk, what would they be saying?”
The fourth of the 12 Steps of recovery is: “Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Step four requires a careful inventory of character. This can be a difficult process and many groups offer guides to help individuals do this work and the work of the other steps Individuals are encouraged to write down their insights of their Step four work People are encouraged to reach out to their sponsor, group, trusted person, or therapist When those in recovery embark on this step, they achieve a fresh understanding of themselves
This is akin to the self-discoveries that occur with grief tending Clients are encouraged to journal, as in the fourth step of recovery process, to tap in to a different part of the brain and a different manner of expressive healing
Grief-informed therapy addresses our clients’ wellbeing by recognizing the emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of their struggles. This aligns with the comprehensive approach advocated by AA, which seeks to address the underlying issues contributing to addiction
Spiritual Growth:
AA emphasizes a spiritual dimension of recovery, and tradition 12 acknowledges this foundation Grief-informed therapy also contributes to spiritual growth by helping individuals make sense of their beliefs and values
How Grief-Informed Care is Helpful with Substance Use Issues – Jenny
“I am no stranger to suffering But I am also no stranger to tremendous beauty This is what takes my breath away Knowing that the two can coexist so tenderly together That the heart can share space with both fullness and desperation and still somehow manage to keep its rhythm That I can ache and love within the same realm and grow from their intertwining. This is, perhaps, one of my greatest revelations.” – Poet Ullie-Kaye
HeartLight Center Featured Donor: Sue Reynolds In Loving Memory of Joe
After losing her husband, Joe, in 2017 Sue found herself at the Holiday Candlelight service hosted by HeartLight and Horan and McConaty Funeral Service. It was there that she was introduced to HeartLight and offered a gentle invitation to join a support group, when she was ready.
And join she did.
Today, Sue stands as a pillar of support for HeartLight, not only as a group member, but also as a dedicated advocate and donor "I support HeartLight because I truly feel like it saves lives," Sue shares "When you attend a group, there's an overwhelming sense of validation I'm not alone, I'm not crazy - there are others experiencing the same things as me "
Through HeartLight, Sue discovered more than just a community; she found lifelong friends and a renewed sense of purpose. Serving on the event planning committee, Sue continues to pay forward the kindness and understanding she received during her hardest days. "Helping HeartLight allows me to carry on Joe's legacy." Sue reflects, "In our marriage, we always strived to lend a helping hand. Supporting HeartLight is my way of continuing that tradition and finding joy in giving back."
For Sue, and countless others, HeartLight isn't just an organization - it's a safe space for understanding and healing.
HeartLight Center 11150 E Dartmouth Ave, Denver, CO 80014 When & Where:
September 14, 2024 | 5:30-8:30 pm
Please join us for a night at HeartLight featuring cocktails, premium wine selection, and heavy hors d'oeuvres. We will have our famous mystery bags, wine wall and silent auction items!
To Learn More, Purchase Tickets, or Become a Sponsor: Scan Me
Both Heart to Heart Letters brought to you by Illuminate Community Recovery Services, a non-profit whose mission is to advocate for families and their loved ones by providing individual peer support, facilitating support groups, and offering referral services to trusted providers for addiction-related care If you or a loved one is grappling with addiction, Illuminate Community Recovery Services extends the offer of free family support groups alongside individual sessions For further details, please visit illuminatecrs org
To those who love someone with the disease of addiction,
To anyone who has lost someone to addiction, Ittookmeyearsofmyownrecoverytolearnthatmyexhusbandwasaverysickman,andthathedidnotdeserveall theterriblethingsItoldhim.Alltheterriblethingshisparents toldhim Allthehatethatthechildrenhadforhim
Welearnedthatitwasn'taboutblaminghimorourselves,it wasaboutacknowledgingwhathadhappenedwasnotOK. AndthatweALLcouldhavedonethingsdifferently And mostimportantly,wedidthebestwecouldwithwhatwe had
Join a group for adults who have experienced a loss where substance abuse, addiction and overdose played a role in the life and death of a special person in your life Share in a safe place of understanding, compassion and support with others who share a similar experience, including the stigma, that comes with loss of this nature Sharing in meaningful discussions together can create the sense of community that helps us know we aren't alone in this pain we carry.
IN-PERSON GROUP - DENVER
Meets on the Third Monday Monthly | at The HeartLight Center | 7:00 PM MST
VIRTUAL GROUP
Meets on the Fourth Thursday Monthly | Held Virtually on Zoom | 6PM PT / 7PM MST / 8PM CT / 9PM ET
