Welcome to Teen Talk
Lesson 4: Consent & Intimacy
If you could only eat one type of food forever, what would it be?
Group Norms
Calming Strategies breathe in breathe out
Agenda
✓ Opening Routine
❑ Intro to Boundaries
❑ Exploring Consent
❑ ACCEPT Model
❑ I-Spy Consent Scenarios
❑ Sexual Behaviors Tree
❑ Closing Routine
Boundaries
What is a boundary?
Boundaries
What is a boundary?
A limit, rule, or preference defining what is or is not acceptable
Boundaries
What are two things you’ve recently asked permission for?
Boundaries
What are two things you’ve recently asked permission for?
• Borrowing something (like a pencil)
• Giving someone a hug
• Sharing food
• Going over to a friend’s house
• Sharing private information
• Posting a photo of a friend online
Boundaries
Honoring a “no” shows respect for a person’s autonomy
– their right to decide what happens to them
Setting healthy boundaries gives people agency
– the ability to act in ways that protect their needs, wants, goals, and values
Boundaries
What are two things you’ve recently asked permission for?
• If you’ve asked someone’s permission, then you’ve had a consent conversation!
• We practice consent every day – it’s simply asking for permission and respecting the answer
Exploring Consent
How does someone know if they have consent?
Exploring Consent is permission or a mutual agreement about what is going to happen
Exploring Consent
consent
Consent & Intimacy
Intimacy is behavior that brings someone closer to another person
Consent & Intimacy
Intimacy is behavior that brings someone closer to another person
Consent is especially important in situations that involve sexual intimacy
Legal Consent
What is the legal age of sexual consent in California?
Legal Consent
Everyone involved is 18 or older (in CA)
Everyone involved is sober (not drunk or high)
Everyone involved clearly agrees (“Yes!”)
Affirmative Consent
Only
This means sexual contact cannot even begin until everyone involved understands what is going to happen and voluntarily agrees.
Brain-Body Connection
All mammals have automatic survival responses that help us stay safe:
“fight–flight–freeze”
Brain-Body Connection
The freeze response is especially common when someone:
• Experiences sexual contact that they don’t want
• Feels that they can’t or shouldn’t say “no” in a situation
Remember…
Silence is not consent.
Affirmative consent protects our sexual agency and helps ensures that our body’s automatic responses are not misunderstood by others.
The ACCEPT Model
– Active
What Does Consent Sound Like?
– a free Choice
– Continual
– based on Equal Power
– Precise
– Transparent
“
yes means yes”
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Active:
There are many different ways to say “yes!”
sure,
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Active:
There are many different ways to say “yes!” I’m down.
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Active:
There are many different ways to say “yes!”
OMG Yassss!
What Does Consent Sound Like?
a Choice:
Offering an alternative option can reduce pressure and give space to say “no.”
Do you want to go to that party tonight? Or did you want to hang just us?
What Does Consent Sound Like?
a Choice:
I heard they’re gonna have alcohol there… I’d rather not go.
Offering an alternative option can reduce pressure and give space to say “no.”
Do you want to go to that party tonight?
Or did you want to hang just us?
What Does Consent Sound Like?
a Choice: Mmmmm let’s hang just us.
Offering an alternative option can reduce pressure and give space to say “no.”
Do you want to go to that party tonight?
Or did you want to hang just us?
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Continual:
Checking in helps us stay aware of shifting comfort levels and boundaries. People may change their mind – and that’s OK! Do
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Checking in helps us stay aware of shifting comfort levels and boundaries. People may change their mind – and that’s OK! Do
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Checking in helps us stay aware of shifting comfort levels and boundaries. People may change their mind – and that’s OK! Do
What Does Consent Sound Like?
It’s never OK to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable position – everyone must be safe, sober, and able to consent.
What Does Consent Sound Like?
based on Equal Power:
I’ve had a few…
It’s never OK to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable position – everyone must be safe, sober, and able to consent.
How about another time… can I get your number?
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Precise: A person should be clear about what they are asking someone to consent to.
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Precise:
A person should
about what they are asking someone to consent to.
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Transparent:
What Does Consent Sound Like? The ACCEPT Model – Active
a Choice – Continual – based on Equal Power – Precise – Transparent
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Notice that consent conversations don’t have to be formal…
Ask in a way that feels natural, like any other question:
What Does Consent Sound Like?
…and communication is not only verbal
I really want to kiss you…
Would it be cool if…? I’d like to hold your hand…
Are you down to…?
It may also sound like a statement (and waiting for a response)
• Words (or silence)
• Tone
• Facial expressions
• Body language
Practicing ACCEPT helps partners decide what kinds of intimacy they both want to engage in without pushing anyone’s boundaries.
What Does Consent Sound Like?
Respectful negotiation can also be helpful in consent conversations…
“No” is an acceptable answer!
…but sometimes asking follow-up questions or making suggestions can help find a compromise that feels good for everyone ☺
I-Spy Consent Scenarios
I-Spy Consent Scenarios
1. Read through the scenario.
2. Think about the different components of consent.
3. Decide if there was consent.
I-Spy Consent Scenario #1
I-Spy Consent Scenario #2
asked him out. Darius said “ because was that if he turned them down.
Darius is in college and just completed a class on coding. At the end of the semester, the professor asked him out. Darius said “yes” because he was worried that he would get a bad grade if he turned them down.
Was that consensual? Why or why not?
Maya and Jaime always eat lunch together. Maya usually shares her fries with Jaime. Jaime reaches over to take some fries from Maya’s plate.
Was that consensual? Why or why not?
her
I-Spy Consent Scenario #3
Katie texted her best friend Arjun to see if it was okay to post the photo of them from the night before. Arjun replied to the text with a ‘thumbs up’ emoji.
to see of ReviewOnly
I-Spy Consent Scenario #4
I-Spy Consent Scenario #5
Out of
Bowen and Tai are best friends. Out of nowhere, last night as they were watching a movie, Tai kissed Bowen.
Was that consensual? Why or why not?
I-Spy Consent Scenario #6
Sawyer and Jett have been dating for three weeks. Last night at a school dance, Sawyer asked Jett to slow dance. Jett smiled and said, “I would like that.”
asked Jett to slow dance. Jett smiled
Was that consensual? Why or why not?
Over the weekend, Aziz and Raquel hooked up at a party. Aziz was sober, but Raquel had been drinking.*
had been
Was that consensual? Why or why not?
Remember…
It’s OK to feel awkward or nervous! The ACCEPT model is all about communicating effectively and respecting boundaries
Consent conversations get easier the more we practice…
personal
motivations that guide decision-making
Sexual Decision-Making
Sexual Decision-Making
What personal values might influence decisions about sex?
What personal values might influence decisions about sex?
• Commitment
• Loyalty
• Faith
• Purity
Sexual Decision-Making
• Curiosity
• Experience
• Pleasure
• Fun
What external factors might influence decisions about sex?
• Connection
• Romance
• Health
• Safety
Sexual Decision-Making
What external factors might influence decisions about sex?
• Desire to “fit in,” be popular, or be liked
• Peer or partner pressure
• Unrealistic expectations from the media
Sexual Decision-Making
What external factors might influence decisions about sex?
these can affect our sense of agency
• Desire to “fit in,” be popular, or be liked
• Peer or partner pressure
• Unrealistic expectations from the media
personal motivations that guide decision-making
Sexual Decision-Making
interpersonal elements that support healthy sexual relationships
What might partners communicate about before having sex?
Sexual Decision-Making
What might partners communicate about before having sex?
• Comfort with and interest in different sexual behaviors
• How sex might affect them socially or emotionally
• Values and preferences if sex were to lead to a pregnancy or infection
interpersonal elements that support healthy sexual relationships
Why is consent at the center of the tree?
Remember to BREATHE
breathe in
masturbation
breathe out
is when a person touches their own body (usually their genitals) in a way that feels good to them
hand-to-genital contact
is when a person touches their partner’s penis, vulva, or anus with their hand
genital-to-genital contact
is when a person touches their partner’s penis, vulva, or anus with their genitals
oral sex
is when a person touches their partner’s penis, vulva, or anus with their mouth
anal sex
is when a person inserts their penis into their partner’s anus
vaginal sex
is when a person inserts their penis into their partner’s vagina
What is an STI?
Sexually Transmitted Infection
An infection typically passed through sex – from contact with infected skin or fluids from the vagina, anus, or penis
If a person has an STI, which sexual behaviors can transmit STIs?
unlikely…
If a person has an STI, which sexual behaviors can transmit STIs?
YES!
If a person has an STI, which sexual behaviors can transmit STIs? YES!
If a person has an STI, which sexual behaviors can transmit STIs?
If a person has an STI, which sexual behaviors can transmit STIs? YES!
YES!
If a person has an STI, which sexual behaviors can transmit STIs?
If a person has an STI, which sexual behaviors can transmit STIs?
Pregnancy “Ingredients”
Three things must come together in the process of conception:
sperm cell egg cell uterus
If partners have these “ingredients,” which sexual behaviors can lead to pregnancy?
If partners have these “ingredients,” which sexual behaviors can lead to pregnancy?
If partners have these “ingredients,” which sexual behaviors can lead to pregnancy? unlikely…
If partners have these “ingredients,” which sexual behaviors can lead to pregnancy?
If partners have these “ingredients,” which sexual behaviors can lead to pregnancy?
unlikely…
If partners have these “ingredients,” which sexual behaviors can lead to pregnancy?
If partners have these “ingredients,” which sexual behaviors can lead to pregnancy?
What is the most effective way to avoid STIs and/or unintended pregnancy?
Data Shows… 10%
How many high school students in California have had sex?
abstinence
means not engaging in ANY sexual behaviors with a partner
Data Shows…
Only about 1 in 4 high schoolers (28%) report that they have had sex
Data Shows…
Less than 1 in 20 middle schoolers (4.9%)* report that they have had sex
Language Note
Whether or not a person considers themself to have had sex (or to be a “virgin”) depends on their definition of “sex”
There is NO universal definition – it’s usually based on personal values, identities, and boundaries.
Brainstorm & Reflect
Brainstorm & Reflect
“I’m not ready to have sex. It feels too risky.”
“I really like you, but I’d rather be intimate in other ways.”
Lesson 4 Wrap-Up
Let’s Review!
• What is sexual agency and why is it important?
• What does the ACCEPT model stand for?
• What is the most effective way to prevent pregnancy and/or STIS?
holding hands going on dates spending quality time together
love notes
“I’m waiting until marriage to have sex.” cuddling
“I don’t do that.”
Looking Forward
Next class…
Birth Control
• Explore different methods of birth control and how they work
• Pop Quiz! game to review key information about birth control
compliments gifts
thoughtful gestures kissing
Self-Care Ideas:
Go for a nature hike
List your favorite [foods, books, etc.]
Host a game night
Color in a coloring book