C E L E B R AT I N G
GENDER
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DIVERSITY
COUNSELLING C O N V E R S AT I O N S
with JULIE THOMAS
F R O M BE YO N D T H E S U R FAC E COUNSELLING
T
he magnificence of a rainbow and its significance as a symbol of hope and new beginnings reminds me that rainbows are full circles, a spectrum of colour. The human eye can only observe rainbows from our position on the horizon. As in life, we each have our horizons, and they are all a little different, as no one sees the same rainbow. The rainbow’s significance to the LGBTQIA+ community reflects the diversity and the spectrum of human sexuality and gender. We are more than one colour; we are many colours, not gendered or stereotyped into two dominant colours. It is common for people to think of ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ as the same, but they mean different things. Someone’s sex refers to their physical biology. A person’s gender identity, however, is a person’s sense of who they are: female, male, non-binary (neither male nor female, or a blend), gender fluid (moves between gender identities) or agender (doesn’t identify with any gender). Your gender identity is a deep sense of who you are, your own gender. In some cases, a person’s gender identity may differ from their biological sex. A person’s gender identity is different from their sexual orientation, which is a romantic or sexual attraction. When do children become aware of their gender? Most children begin expressing their gender identity at around two to three years old. They may do this through the way they talk about themselves and the clothes they choose. Children can be very adamant about their gender from an early age.
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Many gender-diverse children also express their gender identity at around two to three years old. They are firm about their gender also. You may find your child refuses to wear particular clothes or gets angry when people misgender them, or they may say they are a different gender. Older gender-diverse children may talk about their gender identity differently in primary or secondary school. For some children, this happens after puberty, and some may not know or express this until they are into adulthood. It is common for all children to experiment with gender roles to make sense of their place in the world, and this exploration does not necessarily mean your child is transgender. Children don’t start to think of their gender as permanent or ‘forever’ until around six or seven years of age. This change happens when they realise their environment expects them to behave in specifically gendered ways. Gender Roles Our biology and our environment influence gender roles. Children often model themselves through imitation of significant adults in their lives. However, children must be aware that traditional roles and jobs are not specifically gendered. It is vital for children to know that they have the freedom to follow their own interests, passions and skill set, regardless of whether it fits or does not fit socially constructed traditional norms. Here are a few things that you can do to assist your child from developing gender stereotypes when they are young: • Provide gender-neutral books, games and puzzles. • Provide opportunities to play with a wide range
of toys. • Allow children to choose activities and sports that interest them. • Encourage children to make friends with all peers. • Praise all children for being kind, brave, neat, helpful and courageous (these are human traits rather than gendered). Gender Inequality Gender inequality emerges when people get treated differently and discriminated against based on their gender. Children must learn social skills in communicating respectfully and learn boundaries, regardless of gender. Teach children to: • Understand their emotions and how to deal with them. • How to solve problems effectively. • Use respectful verbal and non-verbal language. • Manage stress and worrying thoughts. • Know how to help friends or get help for others. • Encourage relationships that are respectful and caring. Gender development is typical for all children; however, some children will exhibit variations similar to all human health and behaviour areas. However, all children need supportive people, love, and care from family, school, and community, who will understand and affirm their gender identity, fostering growth, resilience and inclusion into healthy, happy and safe environments. Celebrate your child’s true colours! Julie Thomas MCouns, BPsychSC, BEd(ECTeach) Member of Australian Counselling Association Member of WPATH
