Hella Edition WEATHER
IN THIS ISSUE:
Santa Cruz, CA /RZPLGDIWHUQRRQIRJZLWKD KLJKULVNRISDUNLQJWLFNHWV
Vol. XXII, Issue 4
In this issue: CAMPUS
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“News Faux You”
Mark Yudof Unveils Plan to Personally Spit in the Face of Every UC Student
4/20 Cancelled Due to Budget Cuts -Page 2
Britney Spears Fat Again - Page 4
FBI Launches Investigation Into Fashion Crimes - Page 11
by Danny Brooks Denny’s Hiring - Page 13
Weed Rules, Reports Freshman
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Fish Rap Live! Presents: A Fish Rap Self Guided UCSC Tour
4 Editors-Âin-ÂChief Emmy Â Ballard James Â Shea Managing Â Editor Gregory Â Ronquillo Assistant Â Editor Mark Â Delyani Best Â Editor Nicole Â Green Illustrators Fred Â Liang, Â Donald Â Smith, Â Solomon Â Wong Staff Â Members Everest Â Â Dillion-ÂHurley, Â Lindy Â Ed-Â wards, Â James Â Farmer, Â Judyan Â Gon-Â zalez, Â Samer Â Hosn, Â Clay Â Malzkuhn, Â Darlene Â McCoy, Â Victor Â Orozco, Â Chloi Â Rad, Â Patrick Â Rooney, Â David Â Rothstein, Â Lauren Â Tomicich, Â Sam Â Weber, Â Brendan Â Woodruff Contributors Danny Â Brooks, Â Michael Â Fantauzzo, Â Stephanie Â Liao, Â Sophie Â Lundeberg, Â Ethan Â Ramirez, Â Kimberly Â Reyes, Â Amanda Â Vivrette $hout Â Out Thank Â you Â to Â Cowell, Â Crown, Â Â College Â Nine, Â and Â Porter Â Senates! Â *Not Â funded Â by Â Kresge Â Parliament. Join Â our Â ranks! Meetings Â every Â Tuesday Â at Â 8 Â p.m., Â upstairs Â in Â the Â ARCenter. Become Â a Â Fan Â on Â Facebook! search: Â The Â Fish Â Rap Â Live! Follow Â FRL Â on Â Twitter ZZZWZLWWHUFRPÂżVKUDSOLYH Friend Â us Â on Â Neopets Â (seriously) Username: Â Fishraplive Snail Â Mail Â Attn: Â The Â Fish Â Rap Â Live! Press Â Center University Â of Â California, Â Santa Â Cruz 1156 Â High Â Street Santa Â Cruz, Â CA Â 95064-Â1077 ÂżVKUDSOLYH#JPDLOFRP Fish Â Rap Â Mantra Do Â you Â ever Â feel Â like Â a Â plastic Â bag Drifting Â throught Â the Â wind Wanting Â to Â start Â again Do Â you Â ever Â feel, Â feel Â so Â paper Â thin Like Â a Â house Â of Â cards One Â blow Â from Â caving Â in Do Â you Â ever Â feel Â already Â buried Â deep Six Â feet Â under Â scream But Â no Â one Â seems Â to Â hear Â a Â thing Do Â you Â know Â that Â there's Â still Â a Â chance Â for Â you
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
LETTER FROM THE EDITORS Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy, Hate Â to Â be Â buzzkills, Â but Â we've Â gotta Â have Â a Â talk. Â UCSC Â is Â slummin' Â hard. Â With Â budget Â cuts, Â dying Â majors, Â the Â LQFUHDVLQJSULYDWL]DWLRQRISXEOLFHGXFDWLRQDQGWKHZHLUGLQĂ€X[RIGXGHVLQIHGRUDVODWHO\8&6DQWD&UX]KDVEHHQ feeling Â less Â and Â less Â like Â a Â fun Â little Â college Â in Â a Â fun Â little Â town, Â and Â more Â and Â more Â like Â a Â real Â college, Â or Â worse, Â like Â real Â life. Â It's Â weird Â and Â unfortunate Â and Â also Â a Â little Â bit Â boring. /XFNLO\WKH6DQWD&UX]VSLULWLVQ WGHDG\HW7KHIDFWWKDWZH UHVWLOOFHOHEUDWLQJOLNHDQRIÂżFLDOKROLGD\ DQGVKXWWLQJGRZQFDPSXVWUDIÂżFMXVWVRZHFDQVSDUNXSDIHZMRLQWVVD\VDORWDERXWRXUSULRULWLHVÂąWKDWZH UH KDUGDVVGRQ WJLYHDIXFNPRIRVZKR OOEOD]HZKHQDQGZKHUHZHZDQW6XUHWKHPRVWZH UHZLOOLQJWRÂżJKWIRU RXUHGXFDWLRQVHHPVWREHSXWWLQJXSDIHZĂ€\HUVDQGOD\LQJQDNHGLQDÂżHOGRUFKDONLQJVORJDQVHYHU\ZKHUH but Â at Â the Â least Â we're Â still Â willing Â to Â embrace Â the Â freewheeling Â sunshine Â bullshit Â that Â stereotypes Â our Â public Â image Â and Â leads Â tour Â guides Â to Â snicker Â everytime Â they Â say Â "No, Â there's Â no Â drug Â culture Â here." So Â keep Â smoking! Â Keep Â drinking! Â Keep Â partying! Â Keep Â playing Â Cee-Âlo Â Green Â on Â your Â acoustic Â guitar Â outside Â my Â bedroom Â window Â when Â I'm Â trying Â to Â sleep Â jesus Â christ Â it's Â like Â what Â fucking Â 2 Â a.m. Â on Â a Â Tues-Â day?! Â Keep Â the Â Santa Â Cruz Â spirit Â alive Â even Â if Â it's Â in Â the Â faintest Â and Â easiest Â and Â most Â immediately Â gratifying Â way. Â Unless Â you Â have Â a Â Bio Â midterm Â on Â Wednesday Â in Â which Â case, Â oops, Â sorry, Â that Â sucks Â bro. Â Â
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â XOXO, Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Emmy Â Ballard Â & Â James Â Shea
Dear Â Baby Â Gurl, <RXÂżVKUDSKDYH provided Â me Â with Â top Â notch Â procrasti-Â nating Â material Â for Â the Â last Â four Â years. Â Sometimes Â I Â even Â read Â you Â when Â I Â don't Â have Â more Â important Â things Â to Â do. Â I Â almost Â wrote Â for Â you Â one Â time, Â but Â it Â seemed Â hard. Â Thanks Â for Â mentioning Â my Â hometown Â (Thousand Â Oaks) Â in Â the Â last Â issue, Â that Â shit Â was Â legitttttt. Â That Â reference, Â and Â the Â fact Â that Â the Â DUFDGHÂżUHVQHZDOEXPLVFDOOHG WKHVXEXUEV has Â basically Â made Â my Â last Â couple Â months. Â Also, Â your Â constant Â references Â to Â alcoholism Â make Â me Â feel Â better. Â I Â actually Â laugh Â out Â loud Â when Â I Â read Â you. Â Something Â tells Â me Â you Â are Â going Â to Â recieve Â a Â number Â of Â letters Â for Â the Â next Â issue, Â so Â I Â don't Â know Â if Â this Â will Â make Â the Â cut, Â but Â shoot, Â thanks Â for Â doing Â what Â you Â guys Â are Â doing. Â Â Â Martyyyy Â B. PS. Â Two Â issues Â in Â one Â quarter?!? Â Take Â it Â eaaaasy Â guysssssssss PSS: Â I Â want Â to Â be Â Brosef Â McPartyhead Â when Â I Â grow Â up. PSSS: Â I Â think Â you Â should Â use Â your Â politcal Â clout Â to Â bring Â back Â the Â real Â four Â lokos. Â
PSSSS: Â Can Â I Â be Â on Â the Â dive Â team? Â Please? Â Hit Â me Â backkkk. Â Â Â Â Sup Â Marty, Awww, Â thanks Â M.B.! Â If Â there's Â one Â thing Â we Â at Â Fish Â Rap Â always Â strive Â to Â do, Â its Â provide Â only Â the Â highest Â quality Â in Â slacking Â off Â materi-Â als. Â And Â I Â hope Â youre Â ready Â for Â THREE Â issues Â of Â laugh-Âout-Âloud Â alcoholic-Âinspired Â content Â and Â general Â malarky, Â because Â that's Â what Â we're Â aiming Â for Â this Â quarter. Â Look Â for Â our Â next Â two Â issues Â in Â May Â and Â June, Â respectively. Also Â we'd Â love Â to Â have Â you Â on Â Dive Â Team, Â but Â it's Â kind Â of Â in Â a Â weird Â transitional Â stage Â right Â now Â where Â basically Â the Â guys Â in Â charge Â of Â it Â keep Â forgetting Â to Â actually Â be Â charge Â of Â it. Â If Â we Â get Â our Â shit Â together Â we Â will Â let Â you Â know! PS, Â our Â offer Â about Â getting Â lunch Â with Â the Â best Â fan Â letter Â is Â still Â on Â the Â table, Â send Â us Â an Â email Â if Â you're Â interested!! Â Let's Â Do Â Lunch, Emmy Â & Â James Â Hey Â Fish Â Rap Â Live, I Â have Â this Â picture Â that Â has Â an Â issue Â of Â FRL! Â in Â it, Â so Â I Â thought Â (for Â some Â reason???) Â you Â might Â like Â to Â have Â it. Â I Â have Â a Â ton Â of Â old Â issues Â VWRFNSLOHGLQP\URRPWRXVHDVĂ€RRULQJIRU the Â baby Â chicks Â I Â just Â got.... Â Anyways, Â have Â the Â best Â day Â ever! Â Â Â Katie
Hey Â Katie, How Â did Â you Â know Â that Â the Â only Â thing Â Fish Â Rap Â loves Â more Â than Â Fish Â Rap Â is Â pictures Â of Â cute Â things?! Â So Â of Â course Â when Â we Â saw Â that Â you Â had Â combined Â them Â we Â just Â about Â died Â from Â the Â hysterics Â of Â gleeful Â shrieks Â and Â fervent Â girly Â hand-Âwaving. Can Â we Â name Â them? Â Emmy Â wants Â to Â name Â them Â Clucky, Â Chirp-ÂChirp, Â Fluffy, Â and Â Â PeeWee, Â but Â I Â think Â they Â should Â be Â named Â T-Â boz, Â Left-ÂEye, Â Chilli, Â and Â Fred Â Durst. Â Â Chicks Â rule, Emmy Â & Â James Â Got Â something Â to Â say? Â Say Â to Â our Â face. Â Send Â hate/fan Â mail Â to Â ÂżVKUDSOLYH#JPDLOFRP
Engage your audience! $GYHUWLVHZLWK The Fish Rap Live! (PDLOĂ€VKUDSOLYH#JPDLOFRP
No, no, UCSC doesnâ€™t have a drug culture.
Cali Swag District Seeks Congressional Representation
â€œWonder Womanâ€? Reboot a Celebration of Feminism, Titties by Michael Fantauzzo
by Sam Weber A Â publicist Â for Â the Â hiphop Â group Â Cali Â Swag Â District Â recently Â announced Â that Â the Â group Â requested Â congressional Â representation Â from Â the Â US Â Census Â Bureau. Â The Â district Â would Â become Â Californiaâ€™s Â 54th Â congressional Â district, Â and Â the Â 436th Â overall.
NBC's Â upcoming Â Wonder Â Woman Â television Â reboot Â is Â expected Â to Â be Â a Â female-Âanchored Â show Â with Â mainstream Â appeal. Â Critics Â praise Â its Â use Â of Â of Â cutting Â feminist Â social Â commentary, Â as Â well Â as Â an Â emphasis Â on Â its Â star's Â barely-Â encased Â titties. â€œI'm Â really Â excited Â to Â be Â a Â role Â model Â for Â young Â girlsâ€? Â says Â big-Âfake-Âbreasted Â star Â Adrienne Â Palicki. NBC Â president Â Robert Â Greenblatt Â revealed Â new Â cos-Â tume Â designs Â that Â emphasized Â the Â title Â characters Â iconic Â image, Â as Â well Â as Â her Â whopping Â bazungas. â€œThe Â new Â series Â will Â introduce Â this Â compelling Â char-Â acter Â to Â a Â whole Â new Â generation Â of Â television Â watching Â bosom-Âcrazed Â jug-Âhounds,â€? Â he Â announced Â on Â Tuesday. National Â Organization Â for Â Women Â spokesperson Â Emma Â Stein Â praised Â the Â show's Â creators: Âł:RQGHU:RPDQLVDVWURQJFRQÂżGHQWDQGSRZHUIXO female Â icon. Â We're Â pleased Â that Â (star) Â Adrienne Â Palicki Â was Â chosen Â to Â play Â the Â part Â as Â she Â shares Â her Â role's Â determina-Â tion, Â toughness, Â and Â large-Âyet-Âperky Â baby-Âfeeding Â bounc-Â ing Â soft Â jiggly Â chest-Âboobies.â€? â€œNipples,â€? Â she Â added.
NEWS BRIEFS Pot-heads to Disassociate from Stoners
UCSC Offers New Housing Option: Homelessness
Weed Improves Studying, Reports Roommate
by Samer Hosn
by Michael Fantauzzo
by James Shea
Throughout Â media Â history, Â the Â term Â â€œstonerâ€? Â and Â the Â term Â â€œpot-Âheadâ€? Â have Â been Â used Â interchangeably. Â Now, Â PHAT Â (Pot-ÂHead Â American Â Team) Â and Â the Â PHUK Â Pot-Â Heads Â of Â United Â Kingdom Â groups Â are Â campaigning Â for Â aware-Â ness Â to Â disassociate Â themselves Â from Â Stoners. â€œStoners Â are Â people Â who Â sit Â around, Â eat Â Doritos Â with Â peanut Â butter, Â play Â WoW, Â DoTA, Â HoN, Â Call Â of Â Duty, Â Halo, Â and Â Roller Â Coaster Â Tycoon Â 2 Â (3 Â sucked Â mad Â dicks), Â and Â wake Â up Â at Â 2 Â p.m. Â and Â pat Â themselves Â on Â their Â back Â for Â waking Â up Â before Â 3,â€? Â said Â the Â leader Â of Â PHUK, Â Imogen Â Dankstuf. Â â€œPot-Âheads Â are Â hard Â working, Â progressive Â people Â who Â are Â all Â over Â the Â work-Âforce Â as Â lawyers, Â teachers, Â hard Â working Â people, Â probably Â not Â pilots, Â and Â your Â fellow Â tax-Âpayers.â€? Â The Â group Â plans Â to Â distribute Â informational Â pamphlets Â around Â various Â April Â 20 Â celebrations Â to Â explain Â the Â distinct Â differences Â between Â the Â two. Â Some Â things Â listed Â in Â the Â venn Â diagram Â as Â differences Â are Â the Â pot-Âheadâ€™s Â disregard Â for Â tie-Âdye, Â not Â showering, Â video Â games, Â teddy Â bear Â hats, Â having Â to Â smoke Â at Â every Â party, Â and Â non-ÂJamai-Â cans Â wearing Â Rasta Â colors Â with Â no Â knowledge Â of Â the Â culture, Â other Â than Â the Â presence Â of Â Marijuana. Â The Â similarities Â listed Â on Â the Â pamphlet Â include Â the Â enjoy-Â ment Â of Â Comedy Â Central Â Roasts, Â Panda Â Express, Â Planet Â Earth, Â and Â making Â fun Â of Â people Â who Â stretch Â while Â on Â a Â run, Â waiting Â for Â their Â turn Â to Â cross Â the Â street.
With Â the Â recent Â closure Â of Â University Â Inn Â and Â increased Â de-Â mand Â for Â on-Âcampus Â housing, Â many Â incoming Â and Â continuing Â students Â have Â been Â left Â without Â affordable Â college Â housing. Â In Â response, Â UCSC Â representatives Â have Â unveiled Â the Â Houseless Â Housing Â Program, Â a Â â€˜cheaper, Â more Â reliableâ€™ Â option Â for Â lower-Â income Â student. â€œAt Â only Â 500 Â dollars Â a Â month, Â the Â program Â is Â very Â cheap,â€? Â DFFRUGLQJ WKH WKH RIÂżFLDO SUHVV UHOHDVH Âł)XUWKHUPRUH VXGHQWV are Â free Â to Â choose Â from Â a Â variety Â of Â luxury Â living Â situations, Â from Â a Â private Â single-Âperson Â tent Â behind Â 9/10 Â to Â a Â spacious Â triple Â four-Â door Â Honda.â€? Â In Â lieu Â of Â cash, Â the Â program Â accepts Â payment Â in Â the Â form Â of Â missing Â teeth Â or Â â€œback-Âbreaking, Â never-Âending Â labor.â€? The Â program Â provides Â students Â with Â such Â amenities Â as Â the Â ULJKWWRDOOWKHSODVWLFEDJVWKH\FDQÂżQGDQGDZHHNO\VWLSHQGRI 10 Â empty Â cans Â to Â spend Â however Â they Â please. Â As Â an Â added Â bonus, Â students Â in Â the Â program Â will Â have Â the Â opportunity Â to Â explore Â San-Â ta Â Cruzâ€™s Â famous Â bridge Â undersides Â and Â serial Â killer Â dungeons. â€œItâ€™s Â like Â the Â outdoors-Âthemed Â halls Â some Â of Â the Â colleges Â of-Â fer,â€? Â explained Â Homeless Â Housing Â Advisor Â Periwinkle Â Smith, Â â€œonly Â without Â the Â hall Â part.â€? Despite Â the Â clear Â advantages Â to Â the Â program, Â there Â are Â some Â downsides. Â Students Â will Â be Â barred Â from Â using Â bathrooms Â on Â campus, Â and Â they Â will Â think Â that Â they Â are Â covered Â in Â invisible Â spiders. Â Still Â many Â students Â seem Â interested Â in Â the Â program. Â â€œIt Â beats Â living Â at Â Crown,â€? Â said Â sophomore Â Linda Â Callahan. The Â housing Â program Â will Â be Â available Â to Â Community Â Stud-Â ies Â Majors, Â American Â Studies Â Majors, Â and Â Vietnam Â War Â veterans.
After Â more Â than Â two Â quarters Â of Â intensive Â research, Â con-Â clusive Â evidence Â has Â been Â found Â that Â smoking Â weed Â improves Â concentration Â skills, Â long-Âterm Â memory Â retention, Â and Â academic Â virtuosity, Â your Â roommate Â announced Â last Â weekend. <RXUURRPPDWH VÂżQGLQJVZHUHUHYHDOHGDIWHUFRPLQJKRPH from Â a Â chill Â sesh Â in Â the Â meadow, Â where Â he Â discovered Â you Â cram-Â ming Â for Â your Â upcoming Â Bio Â midterm. â€œDude, Â you Â should Â try Â smoking,â€? Â your Â roommate Â reported Â from Â your Â Porter Â triple. Â â€œI, Â like, Â always Â study Â way Â better Â when Â I'm Â blazed.â€? Â Citing Â evidence Â that Â weed Â will Â get Â you Â â€œmad Â fo-Â cusedâ€? Â and Â â€œjust Â like, Â really Â help Â you Â understand Â it Â on Â a Â deeper Â level,â€? Â your Â roommate Â says Â that Â his Â data Â indicates Â that Â â€œstudying Â while Â high Â totally Â works.â€? However, Â some Â researchers Â have Â stated Â that Â they Â believe Â your Â roommate's Â methodology Â is Â suspect. â€œHis Â sample Â size Â is Â far Â too Â small Â to Â make Â for Â a Â generalizable Â data Â set,â€? Â Harvard Â researcher Â Harold Â Buzzkill Â stated Â in Â a Â formal Â critique, Â â€œand Â then Â thereâ€™s Â the Â complete Â lack Â of Â a Â control Â group Â that Â makes Â the Â results Â even Â more Â suspect. Â In Â my Â honest Â opinion, Â I Â donâ€™t Â think Â your Â roommate Â knows Â what Â heâ€™s Â talking Â about.â€? <RXUURRPPDWHÂśVÂżQGLQJVDOVRFRQWUDGLFWPRVWDYDLODEOHGDWD on Â the Â effects Â of Â marijuana, Â which Â include Â slowed Â responses, Â memory Â impairment, Â and Â â€œgoing Â dumb.â€? â€œMan, Â whatever,â€? Â your Â roommate Â responded Â in Â a Â formal Â in-Â terview Â at Â the Â College Â 8 Â Dining Â Hall, Â â€œLike, Â that Â stuff's Â just Â pro-Â paganda Â ya'know?
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
The dining halls have great food, very nutritious!
Radiation Panics Local Marijuana Growers
Santa Cruz Scientists Discover Link Between Not Bathing and Smelling Bad
In Â the Â wake Â of Â the Â tragic Â earthquake Â in Â Japan, Â as Â well Â DVWKHGHYDVWDWLRQFDXVHGE\WKH3DFLÂżF7VXQDPLWKHLP-Â pact Â is Â being Â felt Â across Â the Â delicate, Â intertwined Â Earth. Â The Â northern Â region Â of Â California Â currently Â produces Â WKHPRVWSURÂżWDEOHFURSLQWKHZKROHVWDWHDQGORFDOJURZ-Â ers Â are Â having Â concerns Â related Â to Â the Â potential Â nuclear Â devastation Â that Â was Â avoided Â by Â the Â bravery, Â organiza-Â tion, Â and Â intelligence Â of Â the Â Japanese Â nuclear Â industry. Â Al-Â though Â the Â nuclear Â outbreak Â was Â avoided, Â growers Â of Â the Â popular Â crop Â marijuana Â are Â in Â a Â continuous Â panic, Â claim-Â ing Â that Â the Â â€œgov'mentsâ€? Â are Â not Â releasing Â all Â information Â to Â the Â citizens Â in Â fear Â of Â causing Â a Â panic. Â Barbara Â (Bar Â for Â short) Â and Â her Â husband Â Skeeter Â (Skeet Â for Â short, Â Skeet-ÂSkeet Â for Â mother-Âfuckers) Â have Â a Â grow Â op-Â eration Â in Â the Â northern Â Mendocino Â County. â€œWeâ€™ve Â already Â foil Â wrapped Â our Â windows, Â but Â it Â gives Â the Â wrong Â message Â to Â the Â DEA,â€? Â Bar Â said. Â â€œWeâ€™re Â not Â tweakers. Â We Â are Â just Â trying Â our Â best Â to Â stop Â the Â radiation Â from Â entering Â our Â plants.â€? Although Â the Â interactions Â between Â radiation Â and Â mari-Â juana Â have Â not Â been Â researched, Â especially Â in Â terms Â of Â hu-Â man Â consumption, Â there Â are Â actors Â on Â both Â sides Â of Â the Â spectrums Â in Â terms Â of Â fearing, Â or Â embracing Â the Â radiation. Â Brian Â Rian Â Broman, Â a Â young Â grower Â new Â to Â the Â indus-Â WU\LVQRWDVVNHSWLFDORIWKHUDGLDWLRQÂżQGLQJLWVZD\WRKLV marijuana Â crops, Â in Â fact Â he Â is Â hopeful Â of Â the Â mutations Â that Â may Â possibly Â occur Â to Â the Â plants. Â He Â embraces Â the Â mere Â possibility Â of Â harvesting Â a Â new Â generation Â of Â marijuana. â€œDude, Â itâ€™s Â like Â when Â you Â eat Â a Â pop Â tart Â itâ€™s Â good, Â like Â itâ€™s Â not Â great Â but Â itâ€™s Â good,â€? Â Broman Â said, Â â€œbut Â put Â that Â mess Â in Â the Â microwave Â and Â itâ€™s Â basically Â like Â Oprahâ€™s Â put-Â ting Â her Â balls Â on Â your Â tongue, Â no Â homo. Â Itâ€™s Â so Â much Â better Â after Â the Â microwave, Â and Â if Â you Â heat Â your Â quesadilla Â in Â the Â microwave Â before Â you Â put Â it Â in Â the Â pan, Â the Â cheese Â gets Â all Â melted. Â Itâ€™s Â like Â Oprahâ€™s Â dickâ€™s Â on Â my Â tongue.â€? Broman Â is Â optimistic Â that Â the Â radiation Â may Â increase Â yield Â and Â plausibly Â increase Â the Â THC Â content Â of Â the Â plant. Â â€œIâ€™m Â actually Â moving Â the Â plants Â outside, Â mutant Â weed Â is Â the Â future Â man,â€? Â Broman Â said Â as Â he Â moved Â the Â heavy, Â bushy Â plants Â outdoors Â while Â listening Â to Â his Â favorite Â group, Â Bassnectar. Â â€œI Â donâ€™t Â mind Â if Â these Â bubbas Â get Â some Â radiation, Â theyâ€™re Â not Â titties Â dude.â€? Only Â time Â will Â tell Â if Â those Â consuming Â the Â marijuana Â will Â be Â at Â all Â affected Â by Â the Â radiation Â in Â their Â plants. Â Ra-Â diation Â causes Â unusual Â hair Â growth, Â slurred Â speech, Â and Â other Â cerebral Â issues, Â so Â observing Â marijuana Â users Â will Â not Â be Â an Â accurate Â way Â to Â measure Â human Â radiation Â levels. Â Cross Â sectional Â case Â studies Â will Â be Â needed. Â Regardless Â of Â potential Â consequences Â of Â the Â radiation Â LQÂżOWUDWLQJWKH&DOLIRUQLDFRDVWWKHLQWHUQDWLRQDOGHPDQG for Â Northern Â California Â crops Â is Â still Â at Â a Â record Â high. Â Â
After Â 17 Â years Â of Â study, Â researchers Â with Â the Â Earth Â Sciences Â Department Â believe Â they Â are Â closer Â to Â discovering Â why Â hipsters Â smell Â like Â shit Â all Â the Â time. â€œThis Â makes Â us Â rethink Â everything Â we've Â ever Â known Â about Â body Â odor,â€? Â head Â researcher Â Stephen Â Morgan Â said. Â â€œAs Â it Â turns Â out, Â bathing Â at Â least Â once Â ever Â other Â day Â might Â make Â you Â less Â unbear-Â ably Â smelly.â€? Scientists Â were Â stuck Â on Â the Â question Â for Â many Â years Â until Â research Â assistant Â Sheldon Â Mills Â PLVSODFHGRQHRIKLVODEVXEMHFWVRQO\WRÂżQGLWFUXVKHG beneath Â a Â vat Â of Â liquid Â glycerin Â soap. The Â lab Â subject, Â hipster Â Quentin Â Crispy-ÂVegantaco, Â had Â been Â dead Â for Â an Â estimated Â 3 Â weeks, Â a Â condition Â scien-Â tists Â refer Â to Â as Â â€œliable Â to Â stink Â up Â the Â place.â€? Â Yet Â due Â to Â what Â appeared Â to Â be Â claw-Âmarks Â on Â the Â vat, Â soap Â had Â leaked Â onto Â the Â body Â and Â reversed Â the Â effects Â of Â Crispy-ÂVegantaco's Â body Â odor. 0LOOVSUHVHQWHGKLVÂżQGLQJVWRWKHUHVHDUFKERDUGDQGSRVLWHG the Â â€œSoap Â Makes Â You Â Cleanâ€? Â Theory Â of Â Hygenic Â Maintanence. Â He Â hopes Â one Â day, Â the Â Santa Â Cruz Â community Â will Â come Â to Â accept Â
by Samer Hosn
by Michael Fantauzzo
KLV WKHRU\ DV IDFW VSHFLÂżFDOO\ .UHVJH DQG LWV DGMRLQLQJ WUDLOHU park. Â So Â far, Â he Â has Â had Â some Â success Â by Â convincing Â subjects Â to Â reenact Â the Â â€œshower Â sexâ€? Â scene Â from Â 500 Â Days Â of Â Summer. 7KLVÂżQGUHSUHVHQWV8&6DQWD&UX] V Â ELJJHVWGLVFRYHU\VLQFH.HOO\$GD Â discovered Â in Â her Â freshman Â core Â class Â that Â capitalism Â was Â unfair.
UCSC Allegedly Destroys Roads to Curb Rise in Rich Douchebag Car Owners by Gregory Ronquillo Car Â owners Â have Â a Â big Â problem Â hanging Â over Â their Â tinted Â driver's Â side Â windows: Â The Â roads Â of Â UCSC Â are Â destroying Â their Â VRXSHGXS H[SHQVLYH ÂżEHUJODVV FDUVÂ˛DQG WKDW V H[DFWO\ ZKDW the Â University Â wants. Â In Â between Â Winter Â and Â Spring Â Quarter, Â construction Â crews Â had Â their Â own Â â€œalternative Â spring Â break,â€? Â by Â FRPSOHWHO\ZUHFNLQJVSHFLÂżFURDGVLQ8&6DQWD&UX]LQRUGHUWR curb Â the Â rise Â in Â â€œdouche Â bag Â car Â owners.â€? Â The Â broken Â roads Â have Â already Â claimed Â the Â lives Â of Â two Â doped-Âout Â tuner Â Mazdas, Â a Â '94 Â Nissan Â 300zx, Â and Â the Â front Â bumper Â of Â a Â '96 Â Toyota Â Corolla Â that Â a Â Cowell Â Student Â swears Â he Â was Â only Â driving Â â€œironically.â€? Allegations Â that Â the Â destruction Â of Â roads Â in Â the Â tip Â of Â Meyer Â Drive Â near Â Porter Â were Â solely Â done Â for Â the Â sake Â of Â angering Â rich Â students Â with Â cars Â began Â last Â week Â after Â an Â administration Â memo Â to Â construction Â workers Â leaked Â to Â the Â press. â€œLet Â me Â be Â clear: Â We're Â not Â saying Â all Â students Â who Â drive Â to Â campus Â are Â rich Â spoiled Â assholes Â with Â nice Â cars Â and Â deserve Â to Â get Â their Â autos Â beat Â to Â shit Â by Â bad Â roads, Â we're Â only Â saying Â that Â most Â of Â them Â are, Â and Â it's Â pretty Â nice Â to Â see Â them Â suffer Â a Â little Â bit,â€? Â Senior Â Press Â Coordinator Â Shaheed Â Olajuwon Â said Â in Â a Â press Â conference. Â The Â memo Â in Â question, Â however, Â portrays Â the Â situation Â in Â a Â much Â different Â way. Â â€œDear Â Construction Â Crew,â€? Â the Â memo Â reads. Â â€œPlease Â make Â a Â bunch Â of Â potholes Â in Â the Â pavement Â so Â it Â can Â ruin Â
the Â cars Â of Â those Â rich Â asshole Â students. Â Big Â potholes, Â like Â the Â size Â of Â yoga Â balls. Â Don't Â leak Â this Â memo Â to Â the Â press, Â though. Â Gra-Â cias.â€? Â When Â the Â memo Â was Â quoted Â in Â the Â press Â conference, Â Ola-Â MXZRQDIÂżUPHGLWZDVÂłWDNHQRXWRIFRQWH[WÂ´ The Â damning Â accusation Â has Â caused Â an Â uproar Â amongst Â the Â â€œsnotty Â rich Â kids Â with Â nice Â cars Â communityâ€? Â on Â campus. Â After Â the Â press Â conference, Â we Â asked Â one Â student Â who Â had Â gotten Â the Â back Â wheels Â on Â his Â Acura Â RSX Â bent Â after Â going Â over Â a Â pot Â hole Â what Â he Â thought Â about Â the Â allegations Â against Â the Â administration. Â â€œWell, Â as Â I Â told Â my Â friend Â Tyler Â over Â the Â phone Â when Â he Â was Â rid-Â ing Â with Â his Â girlfriend Â Rachel Â on Â their Â way Â to Â our Â friend Â Nikki's Â house, Â the Â roads Â here Â are Â janky Â now Â and Â they Â fucked Â up Â my Â car. Â Text Â it!â€? Others Â remain Â skeptical Â of Â the Â memo Â and Â the Â car Â owners' Â con-Â VSLUDF\FODLPV*HUDUG'H%HUOXVFRQLZDLWLQJRXWVLGHRI.UHVJH College Â for Â a Â shuttle Â bus, Â had Â little Â sympathy Â for Â the Â car Â owners. Â â€œI Â don't Â like Â the Â way Â rich Â fuck Â car Â owners Â look Â at Â me Â when Â they Â pass Â the Â bus Â stop. Â Yeah, Â I'm Â taking Â public Â transportation, Â what Â of Â it? Â The Â bus Â is Â free, Â and Â you Â live Â on Â High Â Street. Â Why Â would Â you Â need Â a Â car?â€? The Â situation Â shows Â the Â changing Â face Â of Â UC Â Santa Â Cruz, Â with Â richer, Â more Â politically Â centrist Â students Â becoming Â the Â main-Â stream. Â â€œHaving Â a Â nice Â car? Â That Â isn't Â very Â â€˜Santa Â Cruzâ€™ Â of Â you,â€? Â says Â Gerard. Â â€œRide Â a Â carbon Â recycled Â bike Â or Â some Â such Â bullshit.â€?
by Solomon Wong
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
It only takes about ten minutes to get to any of your classes.
Why the Fuck Are You Still Talking?: So, what are you doing for housing next year?
Dear Every Bitch who sits next to me in Media Theater, Have Â you Â not Â heard Â of Â personal Â space? Â I Â realize Â that Â we Â DUHFRQÂżQHGWROLWWOHFRUUDOVRILQWHOOHFWXDOVROLWXGHEXW\RXÂśUH practically Â groping Â me. Â Is Â it Â really Â necessary Â for Â you Â to Â put Â your Â sweatshirt Â back Â on, Â then Â off Â and Â then Â on Â again Â in Â the Â course Â of Â 70 Â minutes? Â Your Â arms Â extend Â so Â close Â to Â my Â face Â that Â Iâ€™m Â tempted Â to Â bite Â them Â each Â time. Â In Â fact, Â if Â you Â do Â it Â again, Â expect Â me Â to Â go Â Twilight Â on Â that Â shit. Â On Â that Â note, Â Bitch, Â keep Â your Â legs Â uncrossed Â so Â your Â goddamn Â feet Â arenâ€™t Â dangling Â in Â front Â of Â where Â MY Â legs Â are Â supposed Â to Â go. Â Iâ€™m Â going Â to Â lean Â forward Â and Â sneeze Â on Â your Â bare Â feet Â if Â you Â donâ€™t Â fucking Â move Â them. Â Also, Â let Â me Â explain Â a Â little Â something Â to Â you;Íž Â your Â desk Â is Â on Â your Â right Â side, Â my Â desk Â is Â on Â my Â right Â side, Â therefore, Â YOU Â DONâ€™T Â GET Â BOTH Â FUCKING Â ARM Â RESTS. Â Itâ€™s Â truly Â shocking Â that Â you Â were Â admitted Â to Â higher Â education Â when Â you Â canâ€™t Â even Â stay Â in Â your Â fucking Â animal Â corral.
â€œIâ€™m Â going Â to Â get Â a Â cheap Â house Â with Â like Â six Â of Â my Â friends. Â Weâ€™re Â still Â looking, Â but Â it Â shouldnâ€™t Â be Â too Â hard.â€? -RVV%URG\ 6RFLRORJ\0DMRU
With Love, Me Dear Guy Using a Suitcase Instead of a Backpack,
â€œOn-Âcampus. Â Again.â€? 6KDXQ-DPHVRQ )LIWK<HDU6HQLRU$IUDLGRI&RPPLWPHQW
Can Â you Â stop Â for Â a Â moment, Â take Â off Â your Â fedora Â and Â your Â LOOÂżWWHGEODFNEOD]HUDQGORRNDW\RXUVHOILQWKHPLUURU":KDW exactly Â are Â you Â trying Â to Â accomplish Â with Â your Â suitcase? Â Not Â a Â single Â person Â in Â the Â world Â would Â look Â at Â you Â holding Â that Â Zero Â Halliburton Â and Â ever Â think Â it Â contains Â anything Â other Â than Â a Â spiral Â notebook Â full Â of Â coarse Â drawings Â of Â the Â two Â women Â in Â your Â computer Â class Â as Â Catwoman. Â You Â might Â have Â a Â salami Â sandwich Â in Â there, Â maybe Â even Â a Â felt Â pen Â for Â note Â taking Â (and Â Catwoman Â drawings). Â Do Â you Â know Â why Â business Â men Â and Â mobsters Â carry Â brief-Â cases? Â Because Â Al Â Capone Â looks Â like Â a Â fucking Â goober Â with Â a Â JanSport Â backpack Â on. Â Do Â you Â know Â why Â college Â students Â wear Â backpacks? Â Because Â they Â look Â like Â try-Âhard Â fools Â holding Â EULHIFDVHVÂżOOHGZLWKQRWKLQJEXWDIDOVHVHQVHRIVXSHULRULW\, bet Â you Â have Â a Â deck Â of Â Yu-ÂGi-ÂOh Â cards Â where Â your Â tommy Â gun Â should Â be, Â in Â case Â you Â need Â to Â bust Â out Â your Â Red Â Eyes Â Black Â 'UDJRQZKHQVRPHUXIÂżDQLQIURQWRI&RPLFRSROLVFDOOV\RX out. I'm Â not Â asking Â you Â to Â stop Â being Â a Â geek, Â to Â quit Â stalking Â those Â two Â girls Â in Â your Â computer Â class Â or Â even Â to Â move Â off Â cam-Â pus Â for Â your Â fourth Â year. Â I'm Â just Â saying Â you Â can't Â be Â half Â ways Â with Â your Â dress;Íž Â either Â suit Â up Â or Â slack Â down. Â If Â youâ€™re Â wearing Â a Â North Â Face Â hoodie, Â take Â off Â that Â fucking Â top Â hat. Â If Â youâ€™re Â gonna Â wear Â a Â suit Â every Â day, Â stop Â wearing Â New Â Balances. Â You Â can't Â mix Â and Â match Â like Â you're Â peacocking Â at Â some Â shitty Â club Â for Â easily Â impressed Â nerd Â women. Â You're Â not Â fooling Â anyone.
With Love, Embarrassed at the State of Modern Nerds â€œPogonip.â€? $QQH+RRYHUYLOOH 7UDQVIHU6WXGHQW
â€œGold-Âplating Â it.â€? Mark Â Yudof 5HFHLYHVÂżQDQFLDODLG
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
Dear Techno, Honestly Â what Â the Â fuck. Â First Â you Â let Â Ke$ha Â do Â you Â in Â the Â ass, Â then Â the Â Black Â Eyed Â Peas, Â Britney Â Spears, Â Enrique, Â but Â I Â draw Â the Â line Â at Â Dr. Â Dre. Â Remember Â the Â good Â old Â days Â when Â you Â solely Â tried Â to Â impress Â Europeans Â and Â the Â gays? Â Were Â those Â examples Â redundant? Â I Â donâ€™t Â care. Â Let Â me Â explain Â the Â difference Â between Â you Â and Â I. Â Techno Â is Â a Â mash-Âup Â of Â songs Â made Â by Â other Â SHRSOHULSSHGE\'MVZKRVHIDQEDVHLVÂżOOHGZLWKNLGVKRSSHG up Â on Â drugs, Â wearing Â clothes Â that Â even Â Joseph Â didnâ€™t Â appreci-Â ate Â the Â technicolorfulness Â of. Â Electro Â is Â usually Â performed Â live Â by Â people Â playing Â electronic Â instruments, Â utilizing Â sounds Â and Â various Â timbres Â to Â create Â something Â from Â scratch. Â So Â how Â about Â you Â jump Â off Â a Â bridge Â listening Â to Â your Â house Â Tiesto Â and Â Benny Â and Â let Â me Â be Â heard Â through Â the Â amazingness Â that Â is Â artists Â such Â as Â Peaches, Â Fat Â Boy Â Slim, Â and Â Daft Â Punk. Â But Â Iâ€™ll Â admit, Â when Â I Â use Â vapor Â rub Â I Â still Â remember Â EDC Â 2009 Â with Â that Â gold Â con-Â fetti. Â That Â bass Â drop, Â are Â you Â kidding Â me. Â I Â felt Â that Â in Â my Â hairs.
With Love, Electro
Dear UCSC Activists (again) Goddamnit. Â I Â told Â you Â guys Â to Â get Â your Â shit Â together! Â Writ-Â LQJ)UHH(GXFDWLRQZLWKQDNHGERGLHVLQWKHHDVWHUQÂżHOG" You Â might Â as Â well Â have Â used Â human Â feces Â to Â write Â â€œMeaning-Â less Â Gestureâ€? Â on Â a Â parking Â lot Â structure Â wall. Â There's Â something Â LQFUHGLEO\LURQLFDQGÂżWWLQJDERXWDWLQ\FURZGRIDFWLYLVWV walking Â in Â circles Â while Â police Â increase Â surveillance Â and Â ap-Â proach Â with Â womping Â sticks. Â Instead Â of Â walking Â in Â a Â circle, Â have Â you Â tried Â walking Â towards Â something? Â Protest Â circles Â seem Â to Â be Â the Â California Â leftist Â version Â of Â Nascar Â races. Â It's Â also Â LQFUHGLEO\ÂżWWLQJNQRZLQJKRZDFWLYLVWPRYHPHQWVXVXDOO\WXUQ out. Â Here Â is Â life's Â version Â of Â a Â circle Â chant: Â Start Â protest, Â argue Â for Â big Â things. I Â think Â education Â should Â be Â like, Â free Â ya Â know? Â There Â should Â be Â free Â vegan Â corn Â dogs, Â too. Stay Â in Â the Â periphery Â because Â of Â dividing Â rhetoric Â and Â bullshit Â â€œgut Â checks.â€? Some Â poser Â said Â he Â wasn't Â down Â with Â stripping Â naked Â and Â O\LQJDLPOHVVO\LQDÂżHOGWRVKRZVROLGDULW\ZLWKWKHEXGJHW cuts. Â What Â an Â apathetic Â tool! Protest Â movement Â inevitably Â dies. Turns Â out Â getting Â a Â two-Âparagraph Â article Â in Â the Â City Â on Â a Â Hill Â Press Â isn't Â enough Â of Â a Â victory Â to Â sustain Â momentum. Adam Â Smith Â laughs Â in Â your Â face. Â The Â invisible Â hand Â of Â the Â free Â market Â fucks Â us Â all. Start Â back Â at Â step Â one Â with Â a Â new Â set Â of Â dirty Â faced, Â open Â eyed Â dreamers. It's Â really Â fucking Â frustrating Â to Â realize Â that Â a Â student Â protest Â movement Â with Â so Â much Â promise Â is Â stuck Â in Â the Â 1960s. Â I Â don't Â trust Â the Â guy Â with Â curly Â long Â hair Â that Â says Â music Â peaked Â in Â 1968, Â I Â don't Â see Â why Â I Â should Â believe Â a Â bunch Â of Â trust Â fund Â hippie Â beardos Â saying Â that Â the Â activist Â techniques Â of Â the Â past Â are Â VWLOOUHOHYDQWWRGD\6RPHDVVKROHRQFHVDLGÂł7KHGHÂżQLWLRQRI insanity Â is Â doing Â the Â same Â thing Â but Â expecting Â different Â results.â€? Â Then Â again, Â this Â is Â the Â second Â time Â writing Â this Â so Â maybe Â I'm Â just Â as Â fucked.
With Love, Only in it for the Jokes Dear Biology Department, Ever Â since Â I Â was Â little, Â I Â dreamed Â of Â training Â the Â dolphins Â at Â SeaWorld. Â I Â always Â thought Â that Â someday, Â the Â dolphins Â and Â I Â would Â have Â a Â special Â bond, Â so Â I Â chose Â the Â marine Â biology Â major Â to Â get Â close Â to Â these Â magical Â creatures. ,DPÂżQLVKLQJP\VHFRQG\HDURIWKHPDMRUDQGVRIDULWKDV nothing Â to Â do Â with Â dolphins. Â In Â fact, Â I Â think Â there Â is Â only Â ONE Â class Â that Â focuses Â on Â marine Â mammals Â at Â all. Â As Â for Â the Â rest Â of Â these Â requirements, Â I Â don't Â even Â know Â what Â they Â have Â to Â do Â with Â ÂżVKRUVHDRWWHUVRUVKDUNVRUDQLPDOVWKDWOLYHLQWKHRFHDQ:K\ do Â we Â have Â to Â study Â chemistry? Â Dolphins Â don't Â care Â about Â pH Â levels Â or Â how Â many Â atoms Â are Â in Â a Â molecule Â or Â dumb Â shit Â like Â that. Â I've Â also Â had Â to Â take Â a Â bunch Â of Â stupid Â classes Â about Â math Â and Â statistics Â and Â physics, Â which, Â again, Â have Â nothing Â to Â do Â with Â dolphins. Needless Â to Â say, Â I Â have Â been Â very Â disappointed Â in Â the Â marine Â biology Â major. Â I Â looked Â at Â the Â upper Â division Â classes Â I Â could Â take, Â and Â they're Â all Â about Â stuff Â that Â looks Â really Â boring. Â My Â roommate, Â who Â is Â also Â a Â marine Â bio Â major, Â is Â helping Â me Â start Â a Â petition Â to Â include Â more Â classes Â about Â subjects Â that Â we Â actually Â care Â about, Â such Â as Â different Â types Â of Â whales Â and Â dolphins, Â and Â less Â classes Â about Â subjects Â that Â suck, Â such Â as Â genetics Â and Â calculus. Â You Â will Â be Â hearing Â from Â us Â as Â soon Â as Â we Â get Â more Â signatures Â on Â our Â petition.
With Love, Every Female in Marine Biology Dear Gay Republicans, Can't Â you Â just Â binge Â eat Â like Â normal Â people?
With Love, Sane Gays
All of the colleges offer you the same opportunities.
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How Opiates Improved My Life by Darlene McCoy
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Hosni Mubarak Resignation Medallion in .999 Solid Fine Gold
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Overheard in Santa Cruz
Whatever happened to discreet conversation? We’ve got our ears on you. And you’ve got your mind in loud, perverted, irreverent, insightful, idiotic, and generally inappropriate gutters. Welcome to “Overheard in Santa Cruz.” “Fish Rap Live? Is that a cooking show?” Phone call 3/1/11 “I don’t even know what a leap year is anymore.” Girl sunbathing on the knoll 2/28/11 “It’s okay, I’m purging tonight.” Skinny girl at Burger 2/24/11 “So, is a banana slug an animal, or an insect?” Guy at Cowell/Stevenson pasta bar 3/12/11 “When Nate Dogg died I was very confused because I also have a friend named Nate Dogg.” Guy in Watsonville 4/12/11 “I’d make a really good gay, cause I LOVE pooping.” Guy at chill sesh/movie marathon 4/01/11 “Yeah, I come from a pretty rough neighborhood. Like, for example, instead of ‘dentist,’ all the signs say ‘dentista.’” Probably racist girl at Stevenson dining hall 3/12/11 “You know, Oakes has a lot of fat people for how far down on campus it is.” Taco Bell cashier to trainee 2/23/11 “You are 18. You cannot wear that. You do not own a yacht.” College 8 Dorms 03/25/11 “Dude, cats are soooo DGAF.”
Girl on bus 03/11/11
“I was just really curious, so I attacked him with my face.” OPERS pool 2/26/11 “We were playing Pictionary in my Community Studies class. I had to draw ‘polyamorous’.” Cowell/Stevenson Dining Hall 4/11/11 “Excuse me sir, do you have a minute to help starving children?” “Fuck no.” Pacific Avenue 03/19/11 “Did the man expose himself? “I don’t know officer, his pants were down but I wasn’t close enough.” Soquel & Pacific 03/07/11 “I wish I could make a flame come out of my penis.” Guy trying to light a bong 04/17/11 “Work Terri Schiavo, narc, and CSO into one sentence.” Fish Rap Live production 04/18/11 Hear something stupid? email email@example.com
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
Youâ€™d be surprised at how spacious the triples are.
8 Classical Studies
O Â What Â Fate Â ! Hath Â the Â gods Â proclaimed Â not Thursday, Â the Â day Â of Â Â unquenchable Â thirst? This Â ambrosia, Â the Â drink Â of Â the Â gods? Like Â Thor? But Â pour Â Thee Â a Â cup;Íž Â Hear Â the Â chimes Â at Â the Â door Â ! Oh Â fuck Â thy Â copsâ€”
Business Management Grey Goose Vodka Hell Â yeah, Â the Â fancy Â drank. Â This Â is Â the Â stuff Â Steve Â Aoki Â pours Â on Â pre-Â teens Â at Â shows. Â Everyone Â at Â this Â party Â is Â now Â my Â best Â friend. Â Theta-ÂChi!
Manhattan Cocktail There Â is Â obviously Â a Â need Â to Â start Â being Â pretentious Â while Â still Â attending Â UCSC. Â Manhat-Â tan Â Cocktails Â will Â make Â you Â look Â really Â cosmopolitan Â you Â tell Â people Â about Â how Â you Â know Â the Â owner Â of Â Caffe Â Perg.
Economics The Coors Light Dilemma A Â 30 Â rack Â on Â sale Â costs Â less Â than Â the Â 18 Â rack, Â but Â it's Â just Â you Â and Â your Â friend Â Jason Â and Â you Â both Â know Â if Â you Â buy Â the Â 30 Â rack Â you'll Â get Â blitzed Â and Â feel Â like Â shit Â tomorrow. Â But Â it's Â almost Â twice Â as Â much Â beer, Â having Â to Â call Â in Â sick Â to Â work Â is Â worth Â it. Â The Â opportunity Â cost Â of Â a Â shift Â of Â work Â missed: Â $24. Â Cost Â of Â extra Â beer, Â taking Â changing Â demand Â cost Â due Â to Â rational Â consumer Â pricing Â into Â consideration: Â fuck Â this, Â I'm Â already Â drunk.
Philosophy Three Ordered Shots of Reality The Â Imaginary Â shot, Â containing Â Whiskey Â and Â Ego. Â The Â Symbolic Â shot Â contains Â Burbon, Â "Law" Â and Â "Structure." Â The Â Real Â Shot Â is Â the Â absolute Â ontological Â truth Â itself, Â and Â Absolut Â Vodka.
Vodka of the Gods, Mouthwash, Prison Hooch, Budd Light, TequilaÂŠ brand Tequila, Colt 45, (whatever else people drink when they get broken up with) Getting Â broken Â up Â with Â might Â lead Â you Â into Â a Â drunken Â depression. Â Having Â your Â entire Â major Â defunded Â calls Â for Â 100 Â years Â of Â wasted Â late Â night Â calls Â to Â The Breakfast of Champions campus Â administration. Â Why, Â baby? Â (Brandy+Milk+Wheaties) Was Â it Â not Â good Â for Â you? Â I Â still Â think Â 6LWE\WKHÂżUHSODFHLQ about Â you Â at Â night... your Â smoking Â coat Â with Â a Â snifter Â of Â brandy. Â Don't Â swirl Â too Â much, Â Crude Oil Keg Stand you Â don't Â wanna Â get Â your Â book Â wet. Â Kurt Â 0111010001101000011010010111001100100000 Vonnegut Â would Â be Â proud, Â 011010010111001100100000011000010010000 General Â Mills Â would Â be Â 0011100100110010101100001011011000110110 prouder. Â UPN Â would Â be Â proudest. 001111001001000000110010001110101011 01101011000100010000 0011010100110111101 10101101100101
Health Science (Pre-Med) BeerÂŠ Brand Beer You Â will Â have Â a Â quarter Â of Â a Â million Â dollars Â of Â debt Â by Â the Â time Â you Â get Â your Â M.D. Â license, Â better Â start Â saving Â up Â now Â by Â buying Â the Â cheapest Â shit Â on Â the Â market. Â
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
NOT Budweiser, The King of B Take Â your Â imperialist, Â patriarcha SLVVĂ€DYRUHGÂł*UHDW$PHULFDQ Lagerâ€? Â and Â shove Â it. Â I Â donâ€™t Â dri beer Â from Â companies Â that Â objec women, Â or Â give Â money Â to Â Pro-ÂPro lobbyists, Â or Â outsource Â their Â brew factories Â to Â countries Â with Â relaxe labor Â laws. Â But Â when Â I Â do, Â I Â drin Dos Â Equis.
Community Studies Vanilla Chai With Two Shots Whiskey ,W VJRRG\RXUGULQNKDVFDIÂżHQHLQLW \RXUÂżHOGVWXGLHVWKHVLVLVGXHWRPRU-Â row Â morning Â and Â you've Â only Â writ-Â ten Â two Â pages Â out Â of Â a Â necessary Â WZHQW\ÂżYH,W VKLJKFODVVRUJDQLF chai, Â too. Â This Â is Â the Â stuff Â Devendra Â Banhart Â sprays Â on Â pre-Âteens Â at Â shows. Â Funding Â grants, Â please.
I loved my freshman year!
Physics Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer Pong In Â the Â vertical Â direction Â we Â have Â a Â constant Â downward Â acceleration Â due Â to Â gravity Â expressed Â in Â the Â following Â equation: Çť\ YVLQČ™WÂąJW Enjoy Â being Â boss Â at Â beer Â pong Â with Â your Â Phsyics Â degree, Â it's Â the Â only Â time Â you'll Â use Â this Â shit Â in Â the Â UHDOZRUOGRXWVLGHRIÂżJXULQJ out Â the Â perfect Â force Â ratio Â to Â Ă€LSD%LJ0DF patty. Â
Computer Science Mountain Dew and Funyans Âł+H\*DU\FKHFNWKLVRXW, put Â Funyons Â on Â the Â edge Â of Â my Â Dew Â cup Â like Â shrimp Â on Â the Â edge Â of Â a Â cocktail. Â You Â know, Â so Â I Â can Â snack Â â€˜nâ€™ Â attack, Â grip Â â€˜nâ€™ Â sip. Â Do Â you Â think Â they Â have Â an Â Xbox Â here?â€?
King of Beers patriarchal Â $PHULFDQ I Â donâ€™t Â drink Â Â that Â objectify Â to Â Pro-ÂProp Â 8 Â their Â brewing Â with Â relaxed Â Â do, Â I Â drink Â
Art History (HAVC)
Art Shot of Turpentine Straight, Â no Â chaser. Â You've Â EHHQKXIÂżQJSDLQWRQDQG off Â for Â a Â couple Â of Â months, Â so Â it's Â probably Â a Â good Â idea Â to Â drink Â some Â tur-Â pentine Â to Â clean Â out Â your Â stomach Â from Â all Â those Â toxins. Â That Â sounds Â pretty Â smart, Â right? Â Oh Â cool, Â WKHUH VDSLOORQWKHĂ€RRU
Your Â major Â has Â such Â stringent Â and Â nuanced Â approaches Â to Â DFDGHPLDWKDWZHFRXOGQÂśWUHGXFH\RXUÂżHOGRIVWXG\WR a Â dumb-Âone Â liner Â joke Â for Â our Â intoxicated, Â blunted Â readership. Â Give Â us Â a Â couple Â of Â months, Â weâ€™ll Â do Â our Â research Â and Â sharpen Â our Â barbs. Â Well, Â HLWKHUZHFRXOGQÂśWÂżJXUHRXWDMRNHIRU Âł,QIRUPDWLRQ6\VWHPV0DQDJHPHQWÂ´ZKDW-Â ever Â the Â fuck Â that Â is) Â or Â your Â major Â sucks Â and Â wasnâ€™t Â invited Â to Â the Â party... Â
Oh. Â Itâ€™s Â the Â ladder.
Absinthe The Â drink Â of Â choice Â for Â Picasso, Â Van Â Gogh, Â Monetâ€Ś Â you've Â written Â essays Â on Â all Â of Â them, Â good Â job! Â But Â let's Â be Â honest Â here, Â you Â just Â want Â to Â see Â hal-Â lucinations Â when Â you Â drink. Â Donâ€™t Â eat Â the Â wormâ€”itâ€™ll Â probably Â kill Â you. Â Also, Â donâ€™t Â drink Â Absintheâ€”itâ€™ll Â probably Â kill Â you.
Anthropology Whatever you drank when you failed out of being a bio major.
Independent Major Bong Water + Faygo + Rubbing Alcohol
Chemistry Jungle Juice (Faderade) It's Â a Â molecular-Âcompound Â of Â everything Â that Â shouldn't Â be Â mixed Â in Â a Â cup Â (but Â hey, Â our Â chemistry Â program Â isn't Â very Â good.)
History Zinn & Juice Laid Â back, Â with Â your Â mind Â on Â atrocities Â and Â atrocities Â on Â your Â mind. Â You Â read Â to Â remember, Â but Â drink Â to Â forget. Â When Â you Â read Â about Â the Â Native Â American Â Genocide, Â slavery, Â Japa-Â nese Â internment, Â Chinese Â Exclusion, Â or Â Reaganom-Â ics, Â a Â couple Â of Â stiff Â glasses Â is Â absolutely Â necessary. Â Plus, Â the Â History Â Channel Â is Â re-Â running Â Pawn Â Stars Â and Â youâ€™re Â not Â that Â much Â of Â a Â twat, Â are Â you? Â Stop Â thinkinâ€™ Â and Â get Â drinkinâ€™.
If Your Major Is Not Listed: Congratulations!
Well Â it Â sounded Â like Â a Â good Â idea Â when Â you Â invented Â this Â concoction Â three Â years Â ago, Â not Â knowing Â youâ€™d Â have Â to Â drink Â it Â every Â day Â of Â your Â life Â thereafter, Â while Â simultaneously Â spending Â most Â of Â your Â time Â explaining Â why Â you Â chose Â to Â drink Â it Â LQWKHÂżUVWSODFH
Biology Mud in a Tea Cup With Worms In It Or Some Such Bullshit â€˜Cause Â fuck Â you, Â thatâ€™s Â why. Â You Â should Â wash Â it Â down Â by Â eating Â all Â that Â money Â that Â isnâ€™t Â cut Â from Â your Â departmental Â budget. Â Can Â you Â tell Â an Â angry Â humanities Â major Â wrote Â this? Â
Film & Digital Media White Russian â€œHaha, Â like Â in Â the Â movie Â The Â Big Â Lebowski! Â It's Â like, Â my Â favorite Â movie. Â You Â haven't Â seen Â it? Â Haha Â well Â you Â VKRXOG1HWĂ€L[LW<HDKLW V pretty Â funny. Â It's Â about Â a Â guy Â that Â gets Â mis-Â taken Â for Â someone Â else, Â haha Â and Â Steve Â Buschemi Â is Â in Â it, Â yeahâ€Ś Â Anyway, Â wanna Â go Â out Â some Â time?â€?
Music Moog Absynthe UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â NEAW Â NEAW Â NEAW Â NEAW Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â NEAW Â NEAW Â NEAW Â NEAW Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â WEWO Â WEWO Â WEWO Â WEWO Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â WEWO Â WEWO Â WEWO Â WEWO Â UNTZ Â UNTZ Â
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
Itâ€™s easy to get downtown on the weekends.
American Studies Q&A: Chancellor Blumenthal New Major: â€˜Robot Studiesâ€™ Transand EVC Galloway by Lindy Edwards
by James Farmer and James Shea 7KHUHÂśVDORWRIEHQHÂżWVWREHLQJDVWXGHQWMRXUQDOLVW<RXFDQFRYHUDQ\HYHQW<RXFDQDVN DQ\TXHVWLRQ<RXFDQJHWDEVROXWHO\VKLWIDFHGRQ.DKXODIRUÂľUHVHDUFKSXUSRVHVÂś<RXDOVRJHW WRKREQREZLWKWKHULFKDQGIDPRXVLQWKHDFDGHPLFDGPLQLVWUDWLYHZRUOG:HUHFHQWO\VDWGRZQ ZLWK%OXPLH WKH*DQJIRUDVSHFLDOLQWHUYLHZDERXWWKUHHRIRXUIDYRULWHWKLQJV FRL!: Â 2NVRÂżUVWRII, PDFWXDOO\VXSSRVHGWREHLQP\)LOP.FODVVULJKWQRZ/LNHKHWDNHV DWWHQGDQFH6R,ZDVZRQGHULQJLI\RXFRXOGVLJQWKLVSHUPLVVLRQVOLSVD\LQJWKDWLW VRNIRUPHWR PLVVWRGD\ VFODVV",WVD\V,FDPHGRZQZLWKDEDGFDVHRI-RXUQDOLVPVVRLW VOHJLW George Â Blumenthal::HOO, GEHZLOOLQJWRVLJQLWLILWZDVVOLJKWO\UHZRUGHG,WKLQN, PYHU\ FDUHIXODERXWZKDW,SXWP\VLJQDWXUHRQIRUUHDVRQV,WKLQN\RX GXQGHUVWDQG FRL!: Â <HDKRNWKDW VIDLU Blumenthal: Â <RXNQRZZKDW\RXFDQMXVWKDYHKLPFDOOPHLI\RXZDQW FRL!: Â $V\RXNQRZWKHUH VJRLQJWREHDJDWKHULQJLQ3RUWHU0HDGRZWKLV:HGQHVGD\WR FHOHEUDWHIUHHGRPDQGOXQJFDSDFLW\6RZHÂżJXUHGWKHVWXGHQWVZRXOGEHLQWHUHVWHGLQNQRZLQJ ZKDWGUXJV\RXGLGLQFROOHJH"2UDIWHUFROOHJHZH UHQRWJRLQJWRMXGJH Blumenthal: Â Haha, Â well Â I Â will Â say Â I Â did Â not Â do Â any Â drugs Â after Â college. Â And Â in Â college, Â ah, Â I... Allison Â Galloway: Â <RXGLGQ WLQKDOH" Blumenthal: Â ,QFROOHJH,ZLOOVD\WKDW,QHYHUGLGDQ\GUXJVWKDWZHUHQ WPDULMXDQD Director Â of Â Public Â Affairs, Â Jim Â Burns: Â <RXVHHLI,ZDVGRLQJP\MRE,ZRXOG YHVDLG QH[W TXHVWLRQ
FRL!: Â 8&6&UHFHQWO\DGGHGDQHZPDMRULQURERWLFHQJLQHHULQJ1RZ, PDQHQJLQHHULQJ VWXGHQWVR, PWRWDOO\VWRNHGRQWKLVEHFDXVHOLNHWKDW VDZHVRPH6RZHZDQWHGWRNQRZZKDW V your Â favorite Â robot, Â and Â what Â kind Â of Â robots Â would Â you Â like Â to Â see Â the Â campus Â produce? Blumenthal: Â :HOO, GKDYHWRVD\P\IDYRULWHURERWLV5'RIFRXUVH$QGWKDW VYHU\ personal Â to Â me, Â because Â we Â actually Â have Â a Â salt Â & Â pepper Â shaker Â of Â him Â at Â home, Â and Â I Â really Â like Â it. FRL!: Â $ZZZWKDW VFXWH Blumenthal: Â As Â for Â the Â robotic Â engineering Â program, Â I Â feel Â there Â is Â a Â great Â future Â there. Â I Â WKLQNZH UHJRLQJWRVHHURERWLFVDVVRFLDWHGZLWKPHGLFDODQGKHDOWKQRWMXVWGHYLFHVPDNLQJ life Â easier Â for Â people Â with Â disabilities, Â such Â as Â robotic Â limbs, Â but Â also Â for Â ordinary Â citizens. Â I Â WKLQNWKHUH VDPD]LQJSRWHQWLDOWKHUHMXVWPLQGEORZLQJ FRL!: Â Awesome. Â Thank Â you Â for Â your Â time Â Blumie!
On Â April Â 12, Â UCSC Â announced Â that Â it Â would Â be Â launching Â the Â Robotics Â Engineering Â Ma-Â MRUDQHZSURJUDPWKDWZRXOGFRPELQHHOHFWULFDOFRPSXWHUDQGPHFKDQLFDOHQJLQHHULQJ 7KLV PDMRU LV H[SHFWHG WR EH D KXJH GUDZ IRU WKH VFKRRO GUDZLQJ PRUH DWWHQWLRQ WR 8& 6DQWD&UX]ÂśVUHVHDUFKDQGGHYHORSPHQWLQWKHVFLHQWLÂżFÂżHOGV$FFRUGLQJWR$PHULFDQ6WXG-Â ies Â department Â head Â Arthur Â Dent, Â â€œThese Â changes Â represent Â the Â shifting Â values Â at Â this Â school, Â DZD\IURPWKHÂľOHVVSURÂżWDEOHÂśKXPDQLWLHVDQGVRFLDOVFLHQFHVDQGLQWRÂżHOGVWKDWDUHPRUH self-Âfunding,â€? Â she Â explains, Â â€œAnd Â we Â decided Â that Â is Â some Â straight Â bullshit, Â so Â we Â thought, Â hey, Â we Â can Â play Â ball Â too.â€? ,QOLJKWRIWKHQHZPDMRUWKH$PHULFDQ6WXGLHVGHSDUWPHQWZLOOQRZEHFDOOLQJLWVHOIWKH Robot Â Studies Â department Â in Â an Â effort Â to Â receive Â more Â funding Â from Â the Â school. Â The Â depart-Â ment Â says Â that Â by Â modernizing Â the Â curriculum Â and Â revamping Â the Â program, Â it Â is Â more Â likely Â to Â receive Â â€œsome Â of Â the Â sweet, Â life-Âgiving Â cash-Âmoney.â€? 'HQWWHOOVXVWKDWKH VH[FLWHGDERXWWKHFKDQJHVÂł7KHQHZSURJUDPLVJRLQJWRIRFXVRQ KRZURERWVKDYHDQGZLOODIIHFWFXOWXUHDQGZH OOEHDEOHWRNHHSDORWRIWKHDVSHFWVRIWKH American Â Studies Â Department, Â but, Â like, Â with Â electronics Â and Â shit.â€? Â New Â classes Â currently Â being Â offered Â will Â include Â ROST Â 10: Â Intro Â To Â American Â Robot Â Studies, Â ROST Â 112: Â Chicanos Â and Â Cyborgs, Â and Â ROST Â 113: Â Citizens, Â Denizens, Â and Â Aliens Â in Â Space Â Colonies. Â Dent Â continues Â to Â explain Â that Â â€œthe Â purpose Â of Â Robot Â Studies Â is Â to Â educate Â people Â on Â the Â implications Â of Â a Â more Â robotic Â society. Â Think Â about Â how Â the Â literary Â world Â would Â be Â different Â if Â Mark Â Twain Â were Â actually Â a Â robot, Â or Â if Â in Â the Â future Â your Â local Â Star-Â bucks Â is Â run Â by Â the Â Cylons. Â Will Â they Â know Â exactly Â how Â to Â make Â your Â grande Â half-Âcaff Â triple Â shot Â caramel Â soy Â latte Â with Â extra Â whip Â cream, Â or Â will Â services Â be Â compromised Â because Â of Â the Â lack Â of Â humanity?â€? Some Â students Â are Â concerned Â about Â the Â new Â direction, Â however. Â â€œLast Â week Â my Â professor Â told Â me Â to Â go Â do Â an Â ethnography Â of Â people Â in Â the Â computer Â lab,â€? Â states Â recent Â Robot Â Studies Â PDMRU.LPEHUO\&DUGLDQÂł7KHRQO\FRQFOXVLRQ,FDPHWRZDVWKDWSHRSOHLQWKHFRPSXWHUODE DUHMXVWRQ5HGGLWDOOWKHWLPHÂ´ 'HQWDVVXUHVVWXGHQWVFXUUHQWO\HQUROOHGLQWKH$PHULFDQ6WXGLHVPDMRUWKDWWKHLUVWXGLHV will Â not Â be Â greatly Â compromised Â however, Â â€œWeâ€™re Â still Â going Â to Â be Â dedicated Â to Â examining Â WKHPRGHUQDQGKLVWRULF$PHULFDQFRQGLWLRQZLWKDPXOWLGLVFLSOLQDU\DSSURDFK,WÂśVMXVW\RX know, Â weâ€™re Â also Â gonna Â talk Â about Â how Â fucking Â baller Â 7HUPLQDWRU Â is.â€? 6WXGHQWVFDQEHJLQHQUROOLQJLQWKHQHZPDMRUEHJLQQLQJ)DOOÂł, PUHDOO\KRSHIXO about Â all Â the Â people Â who Â are Â interested Â in Â this Â area Â of Â study,â€? Â says Â Dent. Â â€œBesides, Â do Â you Â UHDOO\QHHG$PHULFDQ6WXGLHVWRVWXG\$PHULFD"<RXFDQJRWR0F'RQDOG VDQGHVVHQWLDOO\ come Â to Â the Â same Â conclusions.â€?
23 Interesting Classes to Take This Quarter at UCSC FMST Â 194M-Â01 Â Empire Â & Â Sexuality: Â Darth Â Vader Â as Â a Â sex Â symbol, Â also Â as Â a Â symbol Â of Â the Â patriarchyâ€™s Â heteronormative Â domination Â of Â the Â galaxy. AMS Â 80A-Â01 Â Gambling Â and Â Gaming: Â Step Â right Â up Â and Â try Â your Â luck, Â everybody Â is Â a Â winner Â in Â this Â class.
LTMO Â 155J-Â01 Â Soviet Â Everyday Â Life: Â You Â would Â not Â believe Â how Â long Â the Â waiting Â list Â is. AMST Â 123T Â Inventing Â Savage: In-Âdepth Â comparative Â study Â of Â Adam Â Savage, Â Dan Â Savage, Â Rick Â Savage Â of Â Def Â Leppard, Â and Â â€œSavage,â€? Â the Â Eurythmics Â album.
ANTH Â 80H-Â01 Â Acoustic Â Culture: Â Learn Â how Â to Â cover Â Neutral Â Milk Â Hotel Â and Â that Â â€œFridayâ€? Â song Â in Â the Â middle Â of Â the Â night, Â waking Â up Â everybody Â in Â the Â immediate Â area, Â asshole. HIS Â 196G-Â01 Â Modern Â Germany Â & Â Europe: Â Der Â deutsche Â Staat Â die Â glorreiche Â Vergangen-Â heit Â und Â Gegenwart Â in Â Europa, Â wie Â gesagt, Â durch Â die Â Musik Â von Â Kraftwerk. CHEM Â 151L-Â01 Â Inorganic Â Lab: Â Take Â that, Â you Â free-Ârange Â Kresge Â hippies. ANTH Â 225-Â01 Â Anthropology Â of Â Things: Â Ex-Â aminations Â of Â approaches Â used Â by Â anthropolo-Â gists Â about Â taking Â serious Â stuff Â seriously. LTEL Â 155D-Â01 Â South Â African Â Lit: Â See Â how Â many Â ways Â can Â you Â interpret Â â€œThe Â Power Â of Â One.â€? MUSC Â 80V-Â01 Â The Â Beatles Â Music: Â Just Â in Â case Â Muppet Â Magic Â wasnâ€™t Â enough Â of Â a Â bullshit Â class Â for Â you. THEA Â 80N-Â01 Â Walt Â Disney: Â The Â perfect Â class Â to Â go Â with Â your Â already Â packed Â quarter Â of Â Beatles Â Music Â and Â Muppet Â Magic. COWL Â 70B-Â01 Â Elements Â of Â Printing: Â /HDUQKRZWRÂż[SDSHUMDPVDQGFKDQJHLQN tanks Â in Â your Â shitty Â ass Â printer Â thatâ€™s Â always Â fucking Â broken. LTCR Â 10-Â04 Â Intro Â to Â Creative Â Writing: Nobody Â fucking Â cares Â about Â your Â Spock/Tyler Â 'XUGHQFURVVRYHUVODVKIDQÂżFWLRQ
POLI Â 1-Â01 Â Digital Â Democracy: Democracy: Â Now Â available Â for Â download Â from Â The Â Pirate Â Bay. ASTR Â 70D-Â01 Â Historical Â Astronomy: Â New Â research Â into Â the Â crystalline Â spheres Â of Â the Â cosmos, Â luminiferous Â aether, Â and Â how Â many Â DQJHOVFDQÂżWRQWKHKHDGRIDSLQ ART Â 150C-Â01 Â Contemporary Â Art: Â Really, Â what Â is Â â€œartâ€? Â anyway? CRWN Â 70-Â02 Â Intro Â to Â Radio: Â Enter Â the Â exciting Â world Â of Â Citizenâ€™s Â Band Â radio Â and Â talk Â to Â truckers Â about Â drinking Â and Â murdering Â prostitutes. LTPR Â 137-Â01 Â Modern Â Ancient Â Drama: 6SRFN$QWLJRQHFURVVRYHUVODVKIDQÂżFWLRQ ANTH Â 130C-Â01 Â Politics Â & Â Culture Â in Â China: All Â students Â with Â dissenting Â opinions Â will Â be Â executed, Â also Â learn Â how Â to Â make Â iron Â as Â a Â cot-Â tege Â industry. MUSC Â 80D-Â01 Â Music Â and Â Political Â Protest: Just Â because Â you Â have Â an Â acoustic Â guitar Â doesnâ€™t Â mean Â that Â youâ€™re Â a Â protest Â singer. SOCY Â 188A-Â01 Â Environmental Â Inequality: Inquiray Â into Â how Â The Â Man Â is Â using Â Foucauld-Â ian Â power Â structures Â to Â keep Â the Â plants Â down. CMPS Â 4-Â04 Â Internet Â Issues: Class Â not Â found. AMST Â 199F-Â01 Â Fish Â Rap Â Live: Â 0DNHGLFNMRNHVJHWFODVVFUHGLW
Psychology is impacted, but itâ€™s not that big of a deal.
Am I Gonna Guest Pass Yoâ€™ A$$? A spectrum by Danny Brooks
'+DOOJXHVWSDVVHVKHUHDW8&6&FDUU\DERXWWKHVDPHÂżQDQFLDOVRFLDOLPSOLFDWLRQVDVVD\ YLUJLQLW\ZKLFKLVWRVD\WKH\ UHNLQGDLPSRUWDQW6RWRKHOS\RXGHFLGHLI\RX UHUHDG\WRWDNHWKH QH[WVWHSLQWRPDQZRPDQKRRGDQGJLYHXSWKDW'FDUGKHUH VDFKDUWRIFRPPRQJXHVWSDVVVXS-Â SOLFDQWVDQGKRZUHFRPPHQGDEOHPDNLQ WKHSDVVIRUWKHPLV
Â‡ Honeys*/Famine Â Victims: Â You Â made Â it Â all Â the Â way Â here Â from Â Santa Â Barbara/Somalia Â and Â you Â are Â hot/starving Â as Â fuck! Â I'll Â gladly Â guest Â SDVV\RXVRWKDW,PLJKWJHWP\QXWIXOÂżOOPHQW\RXUH\HVVKLQH with Â expectation Â and Â your Â mouth Â quivers Â seductively/pathetically. Â After Â we Â eat Â perhaps Â I Â can Â take Â you Â to Â the Â dorm/relief Â center, Â and Â we Â can Â get Â our Â freak Â on. Â Unless Â you're Â a Â famine Â victim, Â because Â seriously Â who Â wants Â to Â fuck Â a Â famine Â victim. Â Srsly.
Â‡ Mommy Â and Â Daddy: Â Whether Â intentionally Â or Â not, Â these Â strange, Â vexing Â people Â some Â sweaty Â night Â nineteen Â or Â Â twenty-Âsomething Â years Â ago Â did Â the Â deed Â that Â brought Â you Â into Â the Â world, Â and Â if Â you're Â going Â to Â submit Â them Â to Â the Â bizarre Â adventure Â that Â is Â being Â old Â in Â a Â dining Â hall, Â at Â least Â guess Â pass Â them, Â it's Â their Â own Â damn Â money Â anyway. Â
Â‡ Schizophrenic Â bum Â you Â met Â on Â the Â bus: Â Yeah Â this Â guy's Â seen Â better Â days, Â and Â yeah Â at Â least Â one Â of Â his Â personalities Â is Â hungry, Â but Â one Â minute Â he's Â Simba Â and Â the Â next Â he's Â Wildcat Â *hisss* Â and Â you Â just Â don't Â know Â if Â he's Â going Â to Â slit Â your Â throat, Â take Â your Â guest Â pass Â and Â leave, Â or Â stalk Â you Â well Â into Â your Â thirties. Â Use Â extreme Â discretion Â when Â feeding Â the Â Santa Â Cruz Â homeless.
No fuckinâ€™ way
Â‡ Roommates: Â C'mon Â man Â you Â have Â a Â fucking Â meal Â plan, Â and Â you Â snore. Â And Â you Â jizzed Â a Â little Â bit Â on Â my Â rug. Â DO Â NOT Â guest Â pass Â your Â roommate, Â if Â he/she Â even Â ventures Â to Â ask, Â just Â say Â â€œno.â€? Â You Â will Â be Â left Â feeling Â empty Â and Â used. Â‡ Self-ÂAware Â Vending Â machines: Â If Â you've Â ever Â been Â approached Â by Â a Â vending Â machine Â that, Â by Â some Â cosmic Â accident, Â slipped Â into Â the Â realm Â of Â consciousness, Â the Â desire Â to Â submit Â to Â its Â will Â can Â be Â overwhelming, Â believe Â me, Â I Â know. Â Â But Â take Â heed Â fellow-Âmeal Â plan Â holder, Â this Â machine Â is Â not Â your Â friend. Â Besides Â it's Â already Â full Â of Â food Â and Â probably Â wouldn't Â be Â able Â to Â understand Â the Â concept Â of Â â€œwaster Â vs. Â taster.â€?
WANT SOMETHING AWESOME TO DO THIS 4/20? DO YOU LOVE THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM? +$6,7%((1$:+,/(6,1&(<28Âˇ9(+$'$&$35,681" $5(<286758**/,1*:,7++2:7263(1'<285 WEDNESDAY?
Come to McHenry Library! Where we have tons of awesome alternative ways to spend your day! t*OUIFCBTFNFOUXFIBWFBDSBGUEBZ XIFSFXFXJMM UBLFPMEĂśMFGPMEFSTBOEEFDPSBUFUIFNGPSOFXQSPKFDUT 5IFSFXJMMCF(P(VSUBOETOBDLT
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This is a day you do not want to miss! So come on down to McHenry, for a day of living, laughing, learning, and loving! Bring an open mind and a positive attitude!
*If Â you're Â planning Â on Â making Â sweet, Â sweet Â love Â to Â the Â above-Âmentioned Â honey, Â bear Â in Â mind Â that Â all Â dining Â hall Â food Â is Â coated Â in Â a Â mild Â laxative
by Emmy Ballard
PJ Â got Â peer Â pressured Â at Â the Â Meadow!
I Â got Â caught Â dealing Â in Â the Â dorms.
Itâ€™s Â OREGANO?? The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
Most professors donâ€™t take attendance, but you should still go.
Chillinâ€™ with Chomsky by Solomon Wong
Noam Chomsky met me at the Southwest Air gate, pulling along a faded red rolling suitcase. "Good to see you," he said, pushing the telescoping handle back into the bag with a click. "Do you have a car?" I said yes, right over here, and motioned towards my Prius. "A hybrid," he said, bemused. "That's commendable." I wasn't sure how to react to this so I said that I know hybrids aren't that much better. Chomsky opened the door for himself after I pressed the unlock on my key fob. "It's a nice car." We stopped at a roadside barbecue place at his insistence. Noam Chomsky ordered a SXOOHGSRUNVDQGZLFKZLWKKRUVHUDGLVKPD\RQQDLVHDQGDEDJRI5XIĂ HV+HGHFOLQHGDVRGD We ate at a counter that faced out onto the highway, watching 16-wheelers rumble past, dark H[KDXVWSXIĂ€QJRXWEHKLQGWKHP7KHUHZDVDZRPDQVLWWLQJLQDERRWKUHDOSDSHUEDJJHURI DZRPDQHDWLQJDEDVNHWRIIULHVDQGDFKHHVHVWHDN:KHQZH GĂ€QLVKHGHDWLQJ&KRPVN\ EDOOHGXSWKHJUHDV\SDSHUWKDWKDGZUDSSHGKLVVDQGZLFKDQGVWXIIHGLWLQWRKLV5XIĂ HVEDJ +HVHWDĂ€YHGROODUELOORQWKHFRXQWHU,WROGKLPWKH\GRQ WWLSKHUHDQGKHVDLG,GRVDYLQJ the breath he could have spent on a lecture about food service wages. "My house is two exits down," he said. I had printed out directions from the internet but &KRPVN\UHIXVHGWRXVHWKHP7XUQKHUHDWDWUDIĂ€FLVODQGJDUGHQDQGOHIWKHUHGRZQD street lined with large billowy trees and fashionably unfashionable houses whose paint was MXVWIDGHGHQRXJKOLNHWKUHHKXQGUHGGROODUDFLGZDVKMHDQV+LVKRXVHZDVSDOH\HOORZDQG the door was a weathered green. "Come in, I just have to unpack." ,VDWLQDVTXDVK\FKDLULQKLVOLYLQJURRPORRNLQJDURXQGDWWKHERRNFDVHVĂ€OOHGZLWK YLQ\OVWDSSLQJP\SHQRQP\OHJĂ LSSLQJWKURXJKWKHOHJDOSDGWRJRRYHUZKDW, GZULWWHQ so far. I had been hoping to get some pull-quotes out of him, something Layout could set in the middle of my article. Chomsky came out of his bedroom holding a rectangular thing wrapped in duct tape. I watched him as he silently pulled the tape off in rasping strips. After nearly three layers of tape, the contents showed through. Noam Chomsky had smuggled a key of marijuana in from Africa. I gasped and he grinned sheepishly. "They call it 'dagga.' This strain is grown by a family in Swaziland so they can pay for their kids' school," he added, with a guilty look on his face. I told him he could have been put away for a long time for bringing this through customs. "I'm eighty-two years old," he said, and left it at that. +HWROGPHWRSLFNRXWDUHFRUGZKLOHKHUROOHGDEOXQW+HKDGDFLJDUER[Ă€OOHGZLWK 80-cent individually-wrapped swishers. I picked Fela Kuti, but when I showed it to him he shook his head. "Nothing from Africa; I don't want to think about where this came from."I put the record back and pulled Funhouse by The Stooges, which he nodded at enthusiastically, licking the wrap and then pressing it shut. "So you're from a campus paper," he said after a few go-rounds, eyes half-closed. The album had slowed down, giving me time to admire Iggy Pop's voice and think about his leathery muscles. I said yes. "What do you want to talk about, then? You're from a UC; are you gonna ask me about the budget?" I said I was surprised he knew about that. "Of course I know DERXWWKDW+HĂ DSSHGKLVKDQGDWPHDQGSXIIHGDFRXSOHWLPHVRQWKHEOXQW,NQRZDERXW everything," he breathed, and the smoke gathered up around his face like a fortune teller. I said that as long as I had him, yes, what did he think about the budget problems? "What I remember most vividly, as I imagine most people who followed the budget crisis do, is the pay raises the UC regents gave themselves after the tuition increases. That, and the small incidents of vandalism." I remembered a Thanksgiving where my uncle had chastised me for the damage to the computer labs on campus. "The problem," Chomsky continued, "is that these incidents aren't by any means rare. And most people know that, and in fact characterize &(2VDQGRWKHUEXVLQHVVRIĂ€FHUVDVJUHHG\EXWWKHUH VQHYHUDFDOOWRDFWLRQUHJDUGLQJFRUSRUDWHJUHHGXQOHVVLW VFRQWUDVWHGZLWKVRPHWKLQJOLNHDEXGJHWGHĂ€FLW7KLQNDERXWWKHEDQN bailouts a few years ago. Everyone was outraged that executives from Goldman-Sachs were KDYLQJSDUWLHVLQWKH&DULEEHDQEXWRQO\EHFDXVHLWZDVLQWKHZDNHRIWKHĂ€QDQFLDOGLVDVWHU It was about how it looked, not anything having to do with greed or excess." I nodded, too stoned to come up with a good response. "And now more than ever, there's a growing sentiment that taxes shouldn't be raised. Or at least there is more vocal opposition to the idea. Disturbingly few people understand marginal tax rates, and even among those who GRWKHUH VDQHQGXULQJLGHDWKDWWKH\ZLOOVRPHGD\RFFXS\WKDWWD[EUDFNHW+HQRGGHGWR himself. I nodded back. "This isn't a great album," he said. "I prefer their self-titled." I had in fact chosen Funhouse because I was worried about how choosing the album with "I Wanna Be Your Dog" would make me look. I told him this and he laughed, the wheezy giggle old men have. "I suppose we should be thankful to have such problems," he said. "When you think of Libya, or Bahrain..." I told him I had been following the coverage closely. "That's good, that's good," he said, with a far-off look in his eyes. "It's admirable that a college student would ERWKHUZLWKWKDWNLQGRIWKLQJ+HVWRRGXSDQGOHIWIRUKLVEHGURRP,VDWQRWNQRZLQJZKDW WRGR+HUHWXUQHGFDUU\LQJD0DFERRN3UR,ZDVMXVWWKLQNLQJDERXWWKLVYLGHR<RXVKRXOG ZDWFKLWOHWPHĂ€QGLW<RXKDYHWRZDWFKLW+HQDYLJDWHGWR\RXWXEHDQGFOLFNHGRQKLV "favorites" tab. I could vaguely make out the titles of videos as he scrolled down, "Texaco President Responds to Ongoing Ecuador Lawsuit," "Weiner Challenges the Republicans to 3XW8SRU+HVWRSSHGRQDYLGHRZLWKDQWLWOHLQ$UDELF The video was dark and grainy, the thick line of a power cable crossing the screen. "This is from the Libyan protests," Chomsky said. "I saw this and couldn't stop watching it." There were voices shouting. The camera shifted down to show a grey-blue dusk sky. More shouting, then an echoing crack and panicked voices. "Look at this," Chomsky whispered. A young man lay on the ground, blood pooling around him, eyes closed. Two of his fellow protesters grabbed him by the arms and lifted him, and blood poured out the back of his head like a garden hose. They dragged him away, leaving a thick dark red line waving behind them. Oh my God, I said. My mouth was dry and I noticed it especially now. Chomsky clicked back 5 seconds, and the shot rang out again, and the blood poured again, and Noam Chomsky curled his lips into a grimace. "My God," he said, and clicked back to the shot. "This fucking world." Click. "Why do I ever smoke weed."
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
Four-Twenty: A Timeline by Clay Malzkuhn
As Â that Â wonderful Â time Â of Â the Â year Â rolls Â around Â once Â again, Â we Â here Â at Â Fish Â Rap Â would Â like Â to Â take Â a Â step Â back Â and Â look Â at Â the Â fascinating Â history Â of Â 4/20, Â a Â holiday Â as Â old Â as Â time Â itself. Â Although Â many Â claim Â that Â the Â dayâ€™s Â origins Â are Â more Â recent, Â evidence Â by Â expert Â ganjologists Â have Â discovered Â a Â wealth Â of Â references Â to Â festivals Â and Â celebrations Â on Â that Â day, Â from Â cultures Â far Â and Â wide. 33 Â AD: Â Long-Âhaired, Â pot-Âsmoking Â hippie Â gets Â what's Â coming Â to Â him. 420 Â AD: Â Hey, Â look Â what Â year Â it Â is! 1350: Â Bored Â Europeans Â with Â nothing Â to Â do Â after Â all Â their Â friends Â died Â of Â the Â Black Â Plague Â begin Â to Â celebrate Â 4/20. Â It Â was Â here Â that Â the Â practice Â of Â passing Â joints Â to Â the Â left Â originated, Â as Â it Â was Â then Â commonly Â believed Â that Â doing Â so Â would Â protect Â them Â from Â the Â disease. Â This Â is Â largely Â FRQVLGHUHGWREHWKHÂżUVW â€œhighdeaâ€?. 1768: Â In Â another Â attempt Â to Â WD[LWV$PHULFDQFRORQLHV Britain Â passes Â a Â Marijuana Â $FW2XWUDJHGFRORQLVWVÂżOO HIÂżJLHVRI*HRUJH,,,ZLWK weed Â and Â burn Â them Â to Â kill Â two Â birds Â with Â one Â stone. 1754: Â Enlightenment Â thinkers Â steal Â all Â their Â ideas Â from Â their Â high Â friends. Â â€œWhat Â if, Â like, Â we're Â all Â ani-Â mals, Â and Â like, Â society Â puts Â us Â in Â chains, Â you Â know?â€? -Â Â John Â Locke's Â roommate 1848: Â In Â the Â 4/20 Â That Â Never Â Was, Â riots Â break Â out Â across Â Europe Â when Â tension Â with Â the Â Ottoman Â Empire Â causes Â a Â ban Â on Â the Â importation Â of Â marijuana. Â Protesting Â university Â students Â eventually Â claim Â to Â be Â Â ÂżJKWLQJIRUGHPRFUDF\LQRUGHU to Â impress Â women.
1920: Â After Â the Â trauma Â of Â World Â War Â 1 Â and Â the Â onset Â of Â Prohibition, Â the Â American Â people Â begin Â a Â series Â of Â lavish Â 4/20 Â celebrations Â where Â Â people Â think Â sitting Â on Â Â Ă€DJSROHVDQGVZDOORZLQJ phonebooks Â are Â good Â ideas. 1939: Â Hitler Â bogarts Â Poland.
1200 Â BC: Â Several Â Bronze Â Age Â cultures Â collapse Â violently. Â More Â recent Â evidence Â based Â on Â clay Â tablets Â describes Â the Â arrival Â of Â a Â strain Â of Â weed Â so Â strong Â that Â many Â Mediterranean Â cultures Â grew Â too Â lazy Â to Â hunt Â or Â gather, Â causing Â their Â parents Â to Â kick Â them Â out Â of Â the Â house. 1271: Â Marco Â Polo Â coughs Â like Â a Â bitch Â in Â a Â Muslim Â court, Â outraging Â the Â sultan Â and Â leading Â to Â the Â beginning Â of Â the Â Ninth Â Crusade. 1492: Â Columbus Â accidentally Â discovers Â the Â New Â World Â in Â what Â historians Â now Â consider Â to Â EHRQHRIWKHPRVWGHVSHUDWHDWWHPSWVWRÂżQG a Â dealer Â ever Â recorded. Â On Â the Â return Â voyage, Â 4/20 Â celebrations Â almost Â turned Â into Â a Â mutiny Â after Â Columbus Â dropped Â the Â chief Â navigatorâ€™s Â bong. 1619: Â Settlers Â at Â Jamestown Â invite Â local Â Indians Â WRIRUWKHÂżUVWWLPH7KLVH[SUHVVLRQRI JRRGZLOOTXLFNO\EDFNÂżUHVZKHQ&KLHI Â Namaquansett Â allows Â the Â ceremonial Â blunt Â to Â burn Â out Â whilst Â giving Â a Â lengthy Â speech Â on Â the Â prosperity Â that Â will Â be Â enjoyed Â by Â settlers Â and Â natives Â living Â harmoniously. Â Wrote Â one Â settler Â â€œWe Â were Â so Â Enragâ€™d Â at Â the Â Heathen Â savageâ€™s Â lacke Â of Â civility Â that Â we Â discharg'd Â our Â muskets Â into Â them Â until Â not Â a Â one Â of Â them Â remained Â Â OLYLQJÂ´7KLVLQFLGHQWZRXOGLQĂ€XHQFH Â (QJOLVK,QGLDQUHODWLRQVIRUWKHQH[W\HDUV 1777: Â Thomas Â Jefferson Â rolls Â what Â was Â then Â the Â largest Â blunt Â ever Â out Â of Â a Â rough Â draft Â of Â the Â Declaration Â of Â Independence. Â This Â record Â would Â later Â be Â surpassed Â when Â Eleanor Â Roosevelt Â rolled Â a Â blunt Â out Â of Â the Â UN Â Declaration Â of Â Â Human Â Rights. 1859: Â Tensions Â between Â the Â North Â and Â South Â are Â heightened Â when Â South Â Â Carolinian Â senator Â Andrew Â Bridges Â sparks Â a Â raging Â controversy Â by Â using Â his Â slave Â Thomas Â as Â an Â ashtray. 1893:7KHÂżUVWYDSRUL]HULVXQYHLOHGDW WKH:RUOGÂśV&ROXPELDQ([SRVLWLRQLQ &KLFDJR,WÂżOOVWKUHHURRPVJHQHUDWHV massive Â amounts Â of Â steam, Â and Â results Â LQWKHGHDWKVRIFKLOGODERUHUVÂ˛DOO in Â all, Â a Â massive Â success. 1930:7KH*UHDW'HSUHVVLRQUHGXFHV much Â of Â the Â worldâ€™s Â population Â to Â smoking Â resin. 1948: Â Cheetos Â invented.
1967: Â Hippies Â embrace Â 4/20 Â as Â a Â countercultural Â activity. Â Protesters Â rejoice Â when Â their Â loud Â music Â and Â incessant Â smoking Â causes Â the Â Vietnam Â War Â to Â end Â 8 Â years Â later. 2010: Â Tragedy Â strikes Â at Â UCSCâ€™s Â 4/20 Â celebration Â when Â Stephanie Â Windsor, Â a Â Merrill Â freshman, Â said Â she Â wouldnâ€™t Â smoke Â weed Â and Â then Â did, Â causing Â her Â to Â die Â on Â the Â spot Â of Â HQĂ€DPHGO\LQJ
1982: Â In Â an Â effort Â to Â crack Â down Â on Â illegal Â 4/20 Â events Â nationwide, Â Ronald Â Reagan Â introduces Â crack Â cocaine Â into Â the Â inner Â cities Â as Â a Â safer Â alternative. Â â€œCrack Â cocaine Â will Â make Â us Â all Â more Â industrious Â and Â SURGXFWLYHÂ´KHVDLGDVWKHĂ€HVKRIXQERUQ infants Â trickled Â down Â his Â chin. April Â 20, Â 1999: Â Columbine Â Ć‰Âł,ZDVJRQQDVKRRWXSDOOWKHNLGVLQ P\VFKRROEXWWKHQ,JRWKLRKZDLWÂ´Ćˆ 2147: Â Super Â intelligent Â robots Â become Â Â VHOIDZDUHH[WHUPLQDWHKXPDQLW\DQG Â OHJDOL]HZHHG6WRQHUVKDYHPL[HGIHHOLQJV
Iâ€™ve been here four years and Iâ€™ve never smoked pot.
Related: Legal Alternatives
Re: Â The Â â€œFour-ÂTwentyâ€?
by Everest Dillon-Hurley and James Farmer
As Â in Â years Â past, Â UCSC Â anticipates Â that Â there Â may Â be Â a Â small Â group Â of Â people Â celebrating Â â€œFour-ÂTwentyâ€? Â on Â campus. Â Participants Â seem Â to Â be Â under Â the Â impres-Â sion Â that Â this Â is Â some Â sort Â of Â holiday, Â and Â mistakenly Â think Â that Â smoking Â marijuana Â is Â legal Â on Â this Â day. Â We Â would Â like Â to Â inform Â students Â and Â faculty Â members Â of Â what Â might Â be Â happening Â between Â 4:00 Â to Â 5:00 Â PM Â around Â campus Â so Â they Â will Â not Â be Â alarmed Â by Â anything. Â‡<RXPD\VHHDORZO\LQJIRJHVSHFLDOO\DURXQG3RUWHU0HDGRZ7KLVLVQRWKLQJ to Â be Â worried Â about, Â as Â it Â is Â a Â typical Â weather Â occurrence, Â and Â should Â dissipate Â by Â the Â evening. Â However, Â it Â is Â something Â to Â be Â avoided Â for Â health Â reasons. Â‡7KHIRJPD\KDYHDQKHUEDOVFHQWDJDLQWKLVLVQRWKLQJ\RXVKRXOGZRUU\DERXW It Â is Â simply Â a Â sign Â that Â the Â native Â plant Â life Â is Â thriving Â around Â this Â time Â of Â year. Â‡7KHUHZLOOEHSUREDEO\EHDQLQFUHDVHRISHRSOHYLVLWLQJWKHGLQLQJKDOOVDQGRWKHU on-Âcampus Â restaurants. Â Students Â and Â faculty Â working Â for Â UCSC Â dining Â services Â should Â be Â aware Â of Â this, Â and Â student Â employees Â are Â advised Â to Â not Â skip Â work Â HYHQLIWKH\FODLPWRVXGGHQO\FRPHGRZQZLWKWKHRQHGD\VWRPDFKĂ€X Â‡'XHWRFRQFHUQVDERXWDQ\SRWHQWLDO)RXU7ZHQW\FHOHEUDWLRQVWKRXJKWKH\DUH XQOLNHO\WRJHWRXWRIKDQG WKHUHZLOOEHQRLQERXQGWUDIÂżFFRPLQJLQWRFDPSXV starting Â at Â 2:15 Â PM. Â If Â you Â would Â like Â to Â get Â into Â campus Â to Â attend Â your Â classes, Â it Â LVUHFRPPHQGHGWKDW\RXFDUU\DÂł:KDW:RXOG-HVXV'R"Â´VLJQLQRUGHUWRGLVSHO any Â suspicions Â that Â you Â are Â coming Â to Â campus Â in Â order Â to Â smoke Â marijuana. Â Overnight Â guests Â will Â not Â be Â allowed, Â though Â if Â they Â absolutely Â have Â to Â stay, Â they Â should Â carry Â pro-ÂJesus Â signs Â as Â well. We Â are Â convinced Â that Â UCSC Â students Â will Â make Â healthy Â and Â positive Â decisions Â regarding Â Four-ÂTwenty, Â as Â the Â celebration Â has Â never Â been Â a Â big Â deal Â on Â campus Â before. Â For Â those Â of Â you Â who Â do Â not Â have Â any Â classes Â at Â 4:20, Â the Â colleges Â will Â be Â sponsoring Â several Â wholesome Â alternate Â activities Â instead, Â such Â as Â a Â macaroni Â SLFWXUHZRUNVKRSDÂżQJHUSDLQWLQJVHPLQDUDQGDSHUIRUPDQFHE\WKH:LJJOHV Thank Â you Â for Â your Â cooperation. Felicia Â McGinty, Â Vice Â Chancellor, Â Student Â Affairs
Â For Â all Â you Â goody Â two Â shoes Â who Â want Â to Â impress Â your Â friends Â with Â drug Â use Â but Â the Â thought Â of Â a Â conversation Â with Â a Â drug Â dealer Â frightens Â you Â (they Â DO Â have Â guns, Â no Â matter Â what Â they Â say), Â here Â are Â some Â legal Â alternatives Â to Â get Â your Â shit Â fucked. Â Why Â not Â be Â like Â your Â hero Â Miley Â Cyrus Â and Â do Â a Â bong Â load Â or Â two Â of Â salvia? Â It Â just Â lasts Â 15 Â minutes, Â how Â bad Â could Â it Â be? Â For Â those Â of Â you Â not Â familiar, Â itâ€™s Â like Â Carl Â Sagan Â kicking Â your Â brain's Â testicles Â into Â the Â snake Â dimension Â and Â then Â by Â ejaculating, Â beginning Â several Â alternate Â universes Â inhabited Â by Â living Â Simpsons Â Â cariactures Â of Â your Â friends Â and Â familly. Â The Â reason Â that Â itâ€™s Â legal Â and Â ZLGHO\DYDLODEOHLVEHFDXVHRIKRZHTXDOO\IXQDQGWHUULEOHLWLV)RUWKRVHSUHFLRXVÂżIWHHQPLQXWHV \RXFDQEHDQ\WKLQJ$QDVWURQDXWDURFNDÂżVKWUDSSHGRQGU\ODQGRUHYHQDQ$IUR&XEDQKRPR-Â sexual Â communist Â in Â a Â McCarthy Â era Â southern Â diner! Â For Â the Â next Â four Â hundred Â twenty Â years, Â feel Â free Â to Â explore Â your Â strange Â new Â reality. Â Balk Â at Â gravity, Â watch Â the Â walls Â dissolve, Â punch Â anything Â DQGDQ\RQHWKHUHDUHQÂśWFRQVHTXHQFHVDQ\PRUH$IWHUWKHÂżIWHHQPLQXWHV\RX UHUHDG\WRJRKRPH and Â call Â your Â parents Â completely Â sober. Â FYI, Â your Â parents Â know Â about Â 4/20, Â and Â if Â you Â call Â them Â hella Â blazed, Â they'll Â give Â your Â car Â to Â your Â sister. Â Don't Â let Â her Â get Â the Â Honda Â Accord Â XLE Â Sedan! If Â you Â don't Â want Â your Â balls Â completely Â tripped, Â and Â actually Â want Â the Â option Â of Â stumbling Â around Â on Â (legal) Â drugs Â for Â hours Â (you Â pussy), Â you Â should Â give Â Robitussin Â a Â try. Â But Â you Â might Â say, Â â€œThat's Â just Â cough Â medicine! Â Yuckers!â€? Â And Â yuckers Â aside, Â this Â shit Â can Â make Â you Â rethink Â your Â entire Â life Â if Â you Â drink Â enough. Â The Â effects Â are Â similar Â to Â having Â wicked Â fever Â delirium, Â and Â you're Â probably Â throw Â up Â because Â that Â shit Â is Â gross, Â but Â it Â can Â be Â pretty Â nuts Â once Â you Â get Â over Â the Â part Â ZKHQ\RXIHHOOLNH\RXKDYHWKHĂ€X)LUVWRII\RXZLOOQRWNQRZZKDWWKHIXFNLVJRLQJRQ(YHU\-Â WKLQJEHFRPHVFRPSOHWHO\EDIĂ€LQJIURP\RXUFHOOSKRQHWRZKHWKHU\RXFDQZKHHODWLUHGRZQWKH PLGGOHRIDEXV\URDG<RXÂśOOSUREDEO\VSHQGDORWRIWLPHUROOLQJDURXQGRQWKHĂ€RRUEHFDXVHZDON-Â ing Â is Â gona Â be Â a Â little Â out Â of Â your Â reach Â for Â the Â next Â four Â hours. Â There Â are Â several Â highness Â plateaus, Â Â depending Â on Â how Â much Â you Â guzzle Â down, Â ranging Â from Â â€œwhatâ€™s Â going Â on Â man?â€? Â to Â â€œI Â was Â reborn Â last Â night Â bro.â€? Â Also, Â the Â amount Â to Â get Â your Â brain Â all Â Stewey Â is Â close Â to Â the Â amount Â to Â overdose, Â so Â make Â sure Â to Â ask Â your Â parents Â how Â many Â bottles Â your Â dainty Â little Â ass Â can Â handle. 1LWURXV2[LGH$.$:KLS,WVLVMXVWGLFNĂ€RSSLQIXQ<RXFDQSLFNWKHVHIXQOLWWOHFDQLVWHUV up Â at Â your Â local Â smoke Â shop, Â sportin' Â goods Â store Â or Â kitchen Â supply Â shop. Â You'll Â need Â a Â cracker Â and Â balloon Â to Â catch Â the Â funny Â gas, Â but Â be Â warned, Â don't Â take Â that Â shit Â directly Â because Â it Â is Â hella Â chilly Â when Â it Â comes Â out Â and Â can Â asphyxiate Â you Â if Â taken Â directly. Â Long Â story Â short: Â most Â of Â your Â motor Â skills Â go Â bye Â bye Â and Â you Â fall Â into Â your Â own Â goofy Â goober Â world Â and Â laugh Â hysterically Â for Â under Â a Â minute. Â I Â think Â it Â kills Â brain Â cells Â or Â something, Â but Â it Â only Â lasts Â for Â a Â minute, Â why Â wouldnâ€™t Â you Â want Â to Â do Â another, Â and Â another? Â You Â can Â also Â suck Â nitrous Â from Â the Â whipped Â cream Â cans Â at Â your Â parents Â house Â (if Â your Â mom Â hasn't Â already Â sucked Â it Â all Â out), Â and Â then Â enjoy Â a Â Sundae Â with Â soupy, Â shitty Â cream Â on Â top. So Â thereâ€™s Â your Â crash Â course Â on Â some Â common Â and Â widely Â available Â legal Â (sketchy) Â drugs. Â Marajuano Â is Â honestly Â not Â in Â the Â same Â league Â as Â these Â loopy Â loophole Â intoxicants, Â and Â is Â far Â less Â likely Â to Â ruin Â your Â night. Â So Â next Â time Â youâ€™re Â bored Â or Â have Â a Â lot Â of Â homework Â to Â do, Â give Â legal Â drugs Â a Â try: Â youâ€™ll Â probably Â regret Â it. Â
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR CROP by Victor Orozco Sr.
Aside Â from Â hearing Â the Â sound Â of Â a Â commie Â scream-Â ing Â in Â pain Â as Â I Â scalp Â him Â alive, Â slowly;Íž Â there Â ain't Â noth-Â ing Â that Â I Â personally Â enjoy Â more Â than Â planting Â a Â delicate Â seed Â in Â a Â patch Â of Â soil Â and Â nurturing Â it Â until Â it Â becomes Â a Â strong Â and Â healthy Â plant. Â The Â satisfaction Â I Â get Â from Â is Â like Â that Â of Â creating Â artwork, Â or Â dropping Â a Â fat Â deuce. Â I Â canâ€™t Â explain Â it, Â but Â there Â is Â something Â soothing Â about Â seeing Â the Â fruits Â of Â my Â labor Â manifest Â themselves Â physically. Â There's Â also Â the Â feeling Â of Â loss Â and Â despair Â that Â comes Â along Â with Â losing Â something Â so Â dear Â to Â me. Â It Â darn Â near Â makes Â me Â see Â red Â again. Â Whether Â from Â natural Â causes Â like Â vermin, Â pests, Â disease, Â accidents Â or Â them Â meddling, Â trail-Âmix Â eating, Â backpack Â carrying, Â fucking Â hippie Â deer Â that Â can't Â mind Â their Â own Â goddamned Â business Â and Â end Â up Â running Â their Â mouths Â and Â bringing Â other Â deer Â to Â your Â neck Â of Â the Â woods, Â losing Â crops Â happens Â much Â too Â often. Â While Â I Â can't Â prevent Â Mother Â Nature Â from Â taking Â her Â toll Â on Â my Â crop, Â as Â a Â seasoned Â farmer, Â there Â are Â a Â few Â very Â simple Â steps Â ,WDNHWRKHOSHQVXUHWKDWQRJRGGDPQHGGHHUZLOOÂżQGLW7KHUH are Â many Â ways Â as Â a Â farmer Â I Â make Â them Â deerâ€?stay Â quiet. Â Back Â in Â â€˜Nam, Â my Â job Â was Â to Â search Â and Â destroy Â the Â enemy, Â and Â I Â saw Â things. Â Now Â however, Â for Â close Â to Â half Â a Â decade Â I Â have Â made Â my Â living Â as Â a Â farmer Â in Â the Â backwoods. Â and Â let Â me Â tell Â you, Â son, Â FDPRXĂ€DJHLVWKHNH\WRSUHYHQWLQJGHHUIURPÂżQGLQJ\RXUFURSV <RX YHJRWWDJHW\RXUVHOIVRPHFDPRXĂ€DJHQHWVLQZKDWHYHU color Â best Â blends Â into Â your Â surroundings, Â and Â get Â enough Â to Â cover Â the Â crop Â from Â a Â deer Â looking Â over Â from Â a Â ridge Â or Â a Â helicopter. Â The Â idea Â here Â is Â to Â make Â your Â crop Â look Â like Â it Â is Â just Â another Â part Â of Â the Â forest. Â Just Â like Â we Â did Â back Â in Â the Â jungle. Prevention Â and Â preparation Â are Â the Â keys Â to Â success. Â Get Â your-Â
self Â lots Â of Â guns: Â the Â more Â the Â merrier, Â and Â keep Â them Â handy. Â Learn Â how Â to Â hit Â shit Â with' Â em. Â And Â remember, Â guns Â go Â â€œbang.â€? Â Only Â use Â them Â if Â you Â have Â to. Â Otherwise, Â it Â might Â make Â other Â deer Â want Â to Â investigate-Â Â the Â last Â thing Â you Â want. Â Another Â sug-Â gestion Â is Â to Â try Â mixing Â and Â matching Â so Â you Â get Â some Â variety Â in Â \RXUDUVHQDO$VLGHIURP\RXUDVVDXOWULĂ€HV\RX OOQHHGDKXQWLQJ ULĂ€HZLWKDVFRSHWRKLWGHHUIURPIDUDZD\ZKLOH\RXVWD\KLGGHQ and Â a Â shotgun Â for Â short Â distance Â to Â rip Â the Â deerâ€™s Â face Â off. Â Limit Â your Â automatic Â weapons Â to Â when Â shit Â really Â hits Â the Â fan, Â because Â those Â attract Â more Â attention Â than Â they Â deter. Awareness Â of Â your Â surroundings Â another Â key Â to Â protecting Â your Â crop. Â I Â suggest Â setting Â up Â cameras Â or Â patrols Â in Â the Â sur-Â rounding Â area Â so Â that Â you Â are Â aware Â of Â the Â movements Â of Â the Â deer Â that Â may Â potentially Â stumble Â upon Â your Â crop. Â The Â amount Â of Â patrols Â or Â cameras Â you Â have Â operating Â will Â be Â determined Â by Â the Â size Â of Â your Â farm Â and Â how Â much Â you Â want Â it Â to Â stay Â hidden. Â You Â can Â even Â get Â those Â fancy Â nets Â that Â hide Â your Â operation Â from Â all Â them Â night-Âvision-Âthermal-Âinfrared Â cameras. Â Them Â deers Â are Â gettin' Â smarter, Â you Â know. Â This Â is Â pretty Â straight Â forward, Â but Â for Â god's Â fucking Â sake, Â do Â not Â wear Â cammies Â and Â carry Â machine-Âguns Â while Â you Â are Â patrolling. Â Donâ€™t Â be Â stupid. Â The Â last Â thing Â Iâ€™d Â like Â to Â tell Â you Â folks Â is Â how Â to Â deal Â with Â the Â unfortunate Â deer Â that Â do Â Â stumble Â across Â your Â crops. Â Sadly, Â secrecy Â is Â the Â only Â way Â that Â you Â can Â ensure Â that Â your Â operation Â remains Â undiscovered. Â The Â only Â way Â to Â make Â sure Â that Â your Â farm Â remains Â a Â secret Â is Â to Â search Â and Â destroy Â any Â deer Â that Â do Â happen Â to Â stumble Â into Â your Â neck Â of Â the Â woods. Â Hooah!! Â It Â is Â one Â of Â the Â hardest Â things Â to Â do, Â but Â let Â me Â assure Â you Â it Â gets Â better Â the Â more Â you Â do Â it. Â But Â donâ€™t Â judge Â me, Â man! Â Itâ€™s Â not Â my Â fault;Íž Â those Â were Â crazy Â times. Â You Â don't Â know Â man, Â you Â weren't Â thereâ€Ś Â As Â for Â getting Â rid Â of Â evidence, Â dismember Â it, Â stick Â it Â in Â an Â extra-Âhold Â garbage Â bag, Â add Â some Â lye, Â and Â carry Â it Â off Â somewhere Â remote Â to Â dispose Â of Â it. Â No, Â I Â do Â not Â mean Â the Â â€œremoteâ€? Â park-Â ing Â lots. Â remember Â the Â idea Â is Â to Â make Â it Â disappear. Â As Â for Â me Â personally, Â I Â like Â to Â light Â up Â a Â fatty, Â drink Â some Â moonshine Â and Â
have Â myself Â a Â nice Â â€œvenisonâ€? Â steak. Â I Â have Â plenty Â of Â it Â in Â my Â Icebox Â at Â the Â moment. If Â you Â be Â having Â some Â per-Â sonal Â issues, Â meaning Â you Â ain't Â man Â enough Â to Â kill Â a Â deer, Â go Â watch Â your-Â self Â some Â fucking Â Bambi. Â Just Â the Â scene Â when Â his Â mom Â gets Â shot Â by Â a Â hunter Â a Â hundred Â times Â and Â cowboy Â the Â fuck Â up. Â You've Â got Â to Â have Â an Â instinctual Â urge Â to Â lock Â and Â load Â when Â you Â even Â think Â of Â deer Â if Â you Â ever Â want Â to Â be Â a Â farmer. Â
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
Santa Cruz has a vibrant night life.
by Samer Hosn
The Fish Rap Live! Dive Team is a group of individuals dedicated to truthfully reviewing local establishments, commonly referred to as â€œDive Bars.â€? Interested in becoming a member of this heralded UCSC tradition? Email firstname.lastname@example.org. I Â know Â this Â is Â late, Â but Â Fish Â Rap Â isnâ€™t Â your Â period Â so Â stop Â complaining. Â Saint Â Patrickâ€™s Â Day Â is Â a Â day Â when Â alcoholics Â wear Â green Â and Â pretend Â they Â donâ€™t Â have Â daddy Â issues. Â The Â following Â is Â DWUXHVWRU\WKDWKDVEHHQFRQÂżUPHGE\VREHUSHRSOHLQWKHJURXS We Â here Â on Â staff Â wish Â it Â werenâ€™t Â all Â true, Â but Â it Â is. Â 7KHQLJKWVWDUWHGRIIYHU\VXDYHO\ZLWKWZRSHRSOHÂżQLVKLQJ D ÂżIWK RI &DSÂśPR$K KRZ QRVWDOJLF RI IUHVKPDQ \HDU LW ZDV %HLQJWKDW,KDYHWKHWROHUDQFHRIDWRGGOHUDW$SSOHEHHÂśV,ZDV ready Â for Â some Â more Â booze. Â We Â headed Â to Â the Â The Â New Â Jury Â Room Â for Â some Â cheap Â ass Â drank. Â Once Â we Â got Â there, Â they Â told Â me Â that Â they Â were Â a Â cash Â only Â EDU,GLGQÂśWVHHWKH$70LQWKHEDUVR,UDQDOOWKHZD\WRWKH%RI $IRXUEORFNVDZD\,ÂśPUHDOO\EDGDWUXQQLQJEHFDXVHWKHRQO\ time Â I Â ever Â ran Â is Â when Â the Â ice Â cream Â truck Â sped Â up. Â I Â came Â back Â and Â my Â friend Â was Â sitting Â with Â a Â cup Â with Â ice Â in Â it, Â and Â it Â was Â a Â fairly Â big Â cup Â and Â full, Â so Â I Â chugged Â it, Â having Â been Â thirsty Â from Â my Â night Â jog. Â It Â turned Â out Â that Â sick Â friend Â of Â mine Â was Â drinking Â vodka Â on Â the Â rocks. Â That Â itself Â was Â weird, Â but Â why Â the Â hell Â is Â it Â in Â such Â a Â huge Â cup? Â I Â know Â why, Â that Â bar Â donâ€™t Â give Â a Â shit. Â They Â will Â get Â you Â recession Â drunk. Â Iâ€™m Â bad Â at Â math Â and Â good Â at Â drinking Â but Â I Â know Â I Â got Â fâ€™d Â up Â on Â $10. $IWHU FKXJJLQJ WKDW FUDS DQG WZR /RQJ ,VODQGV ODWHU ZH headed Â to Â a Â shitty Â bar Â that Â shaunt Â be Â named. Â We Â got Â in Â and Â a Â JURXSRIELNHUZLYHVZDVÂżJKWLQJLQDOOOHDWKHULQWKHSDUNLQJORW For Â some Â reason Â I Â saw Â one Â lady Â and Â thought Â it Â was Â a Â guy Â beating Â DZRPDQVR,WKRXJKWLWZRXOGEHDJRRGLGHDWRVWRSWKHÂżJKW I Â tried Â to Â break Â it Â up Â and Â got Â punched Â on Â accident Â in Â my Â kidney/ lower Â back Â fat Â general Â region. Â I Â yelped, Â not Â a Â good Â restaurant Â but Â DQ$:(((
We Â get Â into Â said Â shit Â bar Â and Â I Â took Â some Â shots Â and Â had Â a Â beer Â to Â relieve Â myself Â from Â my Â battle Â wounds. Â I Â end Â up Â see-Â ing Â two Â strippers Â on Â poles Â in Â the Â back Â of Â this Â shaâ€™dynasty Â EDU 2QH RI WKH VWULSSHUV NHSW WU\LQJ WR Ă€LS DQG ZUDS KHU OHJVDURXQGWKHEDUEXWFRXOGQÂśW0\IULHQGVVD\, got Â on Â the Â stage, Â announced Â into Â the Â microphone Â ÂłWKLVLVKRZLWÂśVGRQHÂ´DQGSURFHHGHGWRĂ€LS DQGWZLUORQWKHSROH$NLGLQWKHGRUPVKDG a Â stripper Â pole Â and Â I Â had Â always Â wanted Â to Â EHLQ&LUTXH'X6ROHLOVR,KDGOHDUQHGKRZ to Â do Â some Â hyphy Â shit. Â Nothing Â sexual, Â more Â circus Â freak. Â $IWHUEHLQJHVFRUWHGRXWRIWKHEDU,UHDOL]HG WKDWRQHRIP\IULHQGVZDVPLVVLQJ,FRXOGQÂśWÂżQG her Â so Â I Â asked Â around Â and Â someone Â said Â she Â was Â seen Â going Â into Â a Â nearby Â house Â with Â a Â guy. Â Disclaimer: Â The Â following Â is Â the Â bouncerâ€™s Â recollection, Â not Â mine. Â I Â knocked Â on Â the Â door Â and Â he Â told Â me Â to Â â€œfuck Â off,â€? Â and Â wouldnâ€™t Â let Â me Â see Â if Â my Â friend Â wanted Â to Â stay Â or Â not. Â I Â went Â back Â into Â the Â bar, Â asked Â someone Â for Â a Â NQLIH%HLQJDVLWLV6DQWD&UX],JRWRIIHUHG knives. Â Please Â note Â Iâ€™m Â not Â trying Â to Â act Â tough. Â There Â is Â no Â way Â in Â hell Â I Â would Â ever Â have Â used Â the Â ZHDSRQ,ÂśYHQHYHUEHHQLQDÂżJKWLWWRRNPHXQWLO my Â late Â teens Â to Â accept Â meat Â into Â my Â diet, Â I Â cried Â during Â Finding Â Neverland Â and Â I Â scream Â in Â JOHHZKHQ,VHHVTXLUUHOVZKLFKLVZK\ having Â classrooms Â with Â big Â windows Â on Â this Â campus Â has Â been Â a Â Nelly Â dilemma.
I Â went Â back Â to Â the Â house, Â told Â the Â guy Â I Â had Â a Â knife, Â and Â he Â freaked Â out Â and Â brought Â my Â friend Â out, Â who Â was Â kind Â of Â distraught. Â I Â felt Â like Â Superman, Â with Â a Â knife. Â She Â was Â very Â excited Â because Â the Â guy Â seemed Â to Â have Â that Â look Â in Â his Â eye Â and Â was Â being Â aggressive. Â Thankful Â for Â my Â rescue, Â we Â went Â in Â and Â ordered Â shots, Â but Â they Â escorted Â us Â out Â again Â and Â we Â never Â got Â them.While Â outside Â I Â heard Â crying Â coming Â from Â a Â bush. Â Iâ€™m Â mad Â biblical Â so Â I Â went Â and Â talked Â to Â the Â bush, Â only Â to Â notice Â that Â it Â was Â a Â sleeping Â lady, Â the Â lady Â who Â was Â LQYROYHGLQWKHTXDUUHOHDUOLHUFRYHUHGLQEORRG and Â wearing Â all Â leather. Â She Â said Â she Â needed Â to Â get Â home, Â but Â couldnâ€™t Â walk. Â I Â found Â a Â shopping Â cart Â in Â the Â parking Â lot Â of Â this Â ever Â so Â classy Â bar, Â and Â put Â her Â in Â it, Â and Â ran Â in Â the Â middle Â of Â the Â street Â with Â her Â in Â it. Â I Â headed Â to Â my Â house Â downtown Â and Â had Â a Â great Â talk Â with Â this Â woman. Â Turns Â out Â homegirl Â is Â about Â a Â decade Â older Â than Â my Â mother Â and Â my Â mom Â did Â not Â have Â me Â at Â her Â TXLQFHVRWKLVODG\ZDVROG6KHWROGPHWKDWKHUER\IULHQG injected Â her Â with Â heroin Â in Â her Â sleep Â to Â keep Â her Â with Â him, Â that Â sheâ€™s Â broke Â and Â that Â she Â loved Â me Â for Â being Â her Â guard-Â LDQ DQJOH$IWHU RIIHULQJ PH IHOODWLR IRU WKH OLIW VKH VDLG she Â didnâ€™t Â actually Â have Â a Â house Â and Â that Â she Â was Â missing Â a Â FKXQNRIKDLUIURPWKHÂżJKWDQGWKLVODG\GLGQRWKDYHD weave, Â let Â alone Â a Â weave Â that Â wasnâ€™t Â clip Â on Â you Â feel Â me? Â That Â shit Â was Â hair Â hair. Â I Â declined Â the Â tossing Â of Â the Â frontal Â salad Â and Â went Â home. Â Turns Â out Â Iâ€™m Â awesome Â when Â I Â drink.
Crappy Promo EP Edition
LAKE: Giving & Receiving 6.3 by Mark â€œErica Meyersâ€? Delyani With Â
tKLUG /3 Âł*LY-Â ing Â and Â Taking,â€? Â /$.( D EDQG from Â Olympia, Â Wa s h i n g t o n , Â radically Â rejects Â DQG UHGHÂżQHV the Â idea Â of Â Riot Â *LUOVW\OH SXQN rock. Â Despite Â being Â from Â the Â hailing Â from Â the Â UHJLRQWKDWEURXJKWXV%LNLQL.LOODQG.XUW&R-Â bain, Â they Â bring Â to Â the Â table Â a Â new Â evolution Â of Â 5LRW*LUOWKDWVKDNHVRIIWKHWZRRUWKUHHFKRUG simple Â verse-Âchorus-Âverse Â song Â structure Â with Â shouted Â lyrics Â of Â revolution Â and Â second-Âwave Â feminist Â themes, Â and Â instead Â features Â acous-Â tic Â guitars, Â pianos, Â horns, Â and Â sing-Âsong Â lyrics Â about Â nature, Â rather Â than Â social Â justice. Â I, Â for Â one, Â am Â very Â distressed Â by Â this, Â I Â mean, Â how Â is Â WKLVJRLQJWRKHOSÂżJKWWKHSDWULDUFK\RWKHUWKDQ by Â lulling Â it Â into Â a Â false Â sense Â of Â security. 5HDOO\ WKLV VRFDOOHG 5LRW *LUO DFW FRPHV RIIDVDQLQRIIHQVLYH'DYH0DWWKHZV%DQGRU an Â offensive Â Jack Â Johnson, Â mixed Â with Â hipster Â groove Â bands Â like Â John Â Vanderslice Â or Â The Â 0RXQWDLQ*RDWV,QWKHHQGÂł*LYLQJDQG7DN-Â
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
ingâ€? Â comes Â off Â as Â heavy Â on Â style, Â but Â light Â of Â discernible Â substance-Â Â chanting Â and Â mumbling Â lyrics Â may Â sound Â good, Â but Â it Â makes Â the Â mes-Â sage Â of Â the Â songs Â hard Â to Â understand. If Â a Â song Â is Â constructed Â like Â a Â house, Â then Â this Â album Â is Â the Â inner-Âcity Â neighborhood Â gen-Â WULÂżHG E\ WKH UDFLVW SROLFLHV RI WKH VWDWH 7KH houses Â are Â there Â and Â look Â pretty, Â but Â behind Â closed Â doors Â things Â are Â darker Â and Â senseless, Â a Â whirlpool Â of Â post-Âcolonial Â colonization Â and Â do-Â mestic Â hegemony. Â But Â I Â guess Â thatâ€™s Â what Â Riot Â *LUOLVRXWWRGRGLVWXUEWKHDXGLHQFHLQWRSD\-Â ing Â attention Â to Â the Â issues Â that Â really Â matter Â to Â us Â as Â a Â whole.
KARL BLAU: Max (#4.20) by Kim Reyes ,ÂżUVWKHDUGDERXW.DUO%ODXIURP3LWFKIRUN and Â although Â youâ€™ve Â probably Â never Â heard Â of Â him, Â youâ€™ll Â want Â to Â feature Â him Â on Â your Â â€œBoring-Â $VV 0XVLF 7KDW +HOSV 0H 6WXG\ and Â Sleepâ€? Â play-Â list. Â Blauâ€™s Â sound Â is Â like Â elevator Â music Â remixed Â with Â synthesiz-Â
ers Â and Â topped Â off Â with Â the Â monotonous Â vocal Â VW\OLQJVRIDW\SLFDOIRONVLQJHU7KHÂżUVWVRQJ RII WKH (3 FDOOHG Âł)RU 7HQQLVFRDWVÂ´ WDNHV WKH role Â of Â the Â token Â instrumental Â song Â that Â no Â one Â ever Â bothers Â playing, Â simply Â because Â it Â does Â not Â KDYH O\ULFV Âł&HOHEUDWH E\ 6LQJLQJÂ´ LV %ODXÂśV half-Âassed Â attempt Â to Â create Â a Â power-Âballad Â anthem Â encouraging Â us Â to Â assert Â our Â rights Â to-Â day Â because Â itâ€™s Â our Â timeâ€”yeah, Â anarchy! Â On Â Âł*ROGHQ &KDULRWÂ´ %ODX ZULWHV DERXW KRZ VL-Â lence Â is Â golden, Â yet Â unfortunately, Â does Â not Â take Â KLV RZQ DGYLFH 7KH ODVW VRQJ Âł$ 0HORG\ WR :DNH 8V LQ WKH 0RUQLQJÂ´ ÂżQLVKHV RII WKH DO-Â bum Â with Â almost Â uninterpretable Â lyrics, Â making Â this Â song Â the Â best Â one Â of Â all. Â Basically, Â if Â youâ€™re Â looking Â for Â some Â obscure Â music Â to Â impress Â your Â IULHQGVZLWKSLFNXS.DUO%ODXÂśV0D[
Resume Vol. 1 Compilation- 9.0 Megathrust by Mark Delyani 1RZ,OLNH7KH1HXWUDO0LON+RWHOVDVPXFK as Â the Â next Â guy, Â but Â the Â state Â of Â indie Â rock Â as Â according Â to Â â€œResume Â Vol. Â 1â€? Â really Â surprised Â me. Â For Â a Â compilation Â touting Â itself Â as Â an Â in-Â GLHURFNEHQHÂżWWRWKHYLFWLPVRIWKH-DSDQHVH WVXQDPLDQGHDUWKTXDNH,ZDVH[SHFWLQJHYHU\ song Â to Â be Â bouncy Â glockenspiel-Âsoaked Â boy/girl Â G\QDPLFWZHHSRSOLNH/$.(RUHDUO\%HOOH
Sebastian. Â How-Â ever, Â the Â album Â is Â a Â diverse Â mix Â of Â ORÂż IRONV\ URFN moody Â electron-Â ica, Â post-Ârock Â jarring Â enough Â to Â make Â Sigur Â RĂłs Â VRXQGOLNH.HKD and Â sentimental Â ballads Â cute Â enough Â make Â Jeff Â Tweedy Â want Â to Â fuck Â a Â puppy. â€œResume Â Vol. Â 1â€? Â makes Â no Â bones Â about Â it;Íž Â the Â main Â draws Â of Â the Â album Â are Â the Â tracks Â by Â hipster Â heavyweights Â like Â Wolf Â Parade, Â Quasi, Â DQG:RUOG*DQJEXWWKHUHDOELWVRIDXUDOJROG come Â in Â the Â form Â of Â the Â songs Â by Â the Â lesser Â known Â bands Â and Â artists Â that Â hit Â you Â like Â a Â tidal Â ZDYHRIXQH[SHFWHGTXDOLW\:DLW6KLWWKDWODVW line Â was Â pretty Â screwed Â up. Â For Â a Â compilation Â album, Â all Â of Â the Â songs Â work Â remarkably Â well Â WRJHWKHU DQG ZKLOH LWÂśV QR Âł,Q WKH $HURSODQH Over Â the Â Sea,â€? Â many Â of Â the Â songs Â beckon Â the Â OLVWHQHU WR JHW XS DQG QRW GDQFH DORQJ $V D whole, Â itâ€™s Â polished Â and Â pretty, Â but Â still Â retains Â WKH UDJJHG HGJHV DQG TXLUNV WKDW PDNH LQGLH URFN ZKDW LW LV 6WHYH 0DONPXV LV SUREDEO\ spinning Â in Â his Â grave.
These will be the best four years of your life!
First Â dates Â are Â always Â fun, Â exciting, Â and Â have Â unexpected Â outcomes. Â Nothing Â is Â better Â than Â meeting Â someone Â attractive Â enough Â to Â catch Â your Â interest, Â and Â pitiful Â enough Â to Â agree Â to Â date Â you. Â This Â is Â a Â guide Â to Â help Â \RXZLWKXQIRUWXQDWHÂ¿UVWGDWHRFFXUUHQFHVDQGWKHSURSHUSURWRFROIRU each. Â So Â you Â have Â a Â date Â for Â a Â movie Â on Â Friday Â night, Â but Â when Â Thursday Â UROOVDURXQG\RXÂ¿QGRXWWKHLUIDWKHUKDVSDVVHGDZD\7KHUHDUHVRPDQ\ ZD\V\RXFDQZRUNWKLVWR\RXUDGYDQWDJH)LUVWRII\RXGRQÂ¶WQHFHV-Â VDULO\NQRZLIWKLVLVXQIRUWXQDWHRUQRW$IWHUDOOWKH\PD\KDYHKDWHG WKHLUIDWKHU6RWHVWWKHZDWHUVZLWKDIULHQGO\\HW VXSSRUWLYHWH[WUHPLQGLQJWKHPRIWKHLUFRP-Â PLWPHQWWR\RXWKLVIULGD\2QFH\RXKDYHDQDIÂ¿UPDWLYH DQVZHUEHVXUHWRSLFNDQXSOLIWLQJPRYLHWRZDWFK5HPHPEHUWR FKHFNWKHWLPHVPD\EHHYHQRIIHUWRSLFNWKHPXSVHHLQJ DVWKH\Â¶UHSUREDEO\WRRHPRWLRQDOWRGULYH$OVRWKDW HQVXUHVWKH\FDQÂ¶WOHDYH\RXKDOIZD\WKURXJKWKHPRYLH IRUÂ³IDPLO\REOLJDWLRQVÂ´ This Â is Â a Â tricky Â scenario;Í¾ Â leave Â your Â wallet Â at Â home Â for Â this Â date Â be-Â FDXVHLIWKLVFRQWLQXHV\RXPLJKWKDYHWRJRWRFKHDSGDWHVRUZRUVH\RX PLJKWHYHQKDYHWRFRYHUVRPHRIWKHLUSDWKHWLFWDE%HVXUHWRSLFNDGDWH WKDWÂ¶VIXQDQGLQH[SHQVLYHHQRXJKWKDWWKH\ZRQÂ¶WPLQGVSHQGLQJWKHLUODVW ELWRIFDVKRQ\RX
ThLVRQHÂ¶VDWRXJKLHDVZHOO\RXGRQÂ¶WZDQWWRIHHODZIXOIRUZDVWLQJ WKHLUWLPHEHFDXVHOHWÂ¶VEHKRQHVWWKH\GRQÂ¶WKDYHPXFKOHIW%XW\RXÂ¶YH DOUHDG\WROG\RXÂ¶UHIULHQGV\RXÂ¶UHGDWLQJWKHPDQG\RXGRQÂ¶WZDQWWRORRN OLNH\RXÂ¶UHDOZD\VRQDQGRIIDJDLQ(QMR\ZKDWWLPH\RXKDYHWRJHWKHU EXWVWDUWEOXQWLQJ\RXUHPRWLRQVDQGPDNLQJKLQWVDERXWWKHLUZLOO$6$3
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7KLVLVOHVVFRPPRQEXWVWLOOQHFHVVDU\WREHSUHSDUHGIRU7KH\ZLOO SUREDEO\EHIHHOLQJEHWUD\HGDQGDORQHQRWWRPHQWLRQGHFHLYHGE\WKHLU RZQFRQVFLHQFH1RWRQO\KDYHWKH\UHDOL]HGZK\WKH\Â¶YHEHHQXQDEOHWR XVHSLOORZVWKHLUHQWLUHOLIHWKH\DUHIHHOLQJHVSHFLDOO\DORQHDQGGLVVRFL-Â DWHG8VHWKLVWLPHWRWU\VRPHKRWUROHSOD\LQJQRRQHLVDVHPRWLRQDOO\ FORVHDVDWZLQDQGQRWKLQJPDNHV\RXIHHOSK\VLFDOO\FORVHUWKDQVH[
Your Love Is My Drug: Sex Under The Influence by Stephanie Liao
Heavy Â panting. Â Sweat Â dripping Â from Â his Â brow. Â Jaw Â clenched. Â Hands Â moving Â rapidly Â around Â trying Â to Â grasp Â at Â anything Â within Â reach. Â And Â then, Â when Â you Â look Â up Â to Â see Â his Â face Â scrunched Â up Â in Â pain Â as Â if Â you Â just Â ripped Â his Â dick Â off, Â he Â cums. Â His Â number Â one Â goal Â for Â the Â night. Â Too Â bad Â it Â all Â only Â took Â 3 Â minutes Â for Â him Â to Â get Â there. Â Sound Â familiar, Â ladies? Â Letâ€™s Â face Â it. Â This Â hookup Â has Â happened Â to Â you Â at Â least Â once Â in Â your Â time Â here Â at Â UC Â Santa Â Cruz. Â And Â whoâ€™s Â to Â blame? Â The Â alcohol? Â The Â drugs? Â The Â leftover Â resin Â bowl Â from Â his Â roommateâ€™s Â crack Â pipe? Â Hate Â to Â break Â it Â to Â you Â but Â the Â answer Â is Â all Â of Â the Â above. Â And Â then Â some. Â So Â you Â wonder, Â how Â can Â I, Â a Â woman Â of Â quality Â who Â deserves Â a Â good Â orgasm, Â avoid Â situations Â like Â this? Â How Â can Â I Â successfully Â have Â good Â sex Â when Â Iâ€™m Â partying Â with Â boys Â who Â love Â drugs Â and Â alcohol? Â Well, Â ladies, Â youâ€™re Â in Â luck Â because Â I Â have Â done Â the Â legwork Â for Â you! Â In Â my Â journalistic Â research, Â I Â have Â summed Â up Â my Â experiences Â with Â boys Â on Â drugs Â and Â UHYLHZHGWKHPLQRUGHUWRKHOS\RXQDYLJDWH\RXUQH[WGUXQNHQO\IXFNHGXSURPSZLWKWKRVHFXWHER\V\RXORYHWRÃ€LUWZLWKDWWKHSDUW\5DWHGE\KRZELJWKHYLEUDWRUZLOOQHHGWREHLQDGGLWLRQWRKLV penis Â to Â get Â you Â off, Â the Â smaller Â the Â better. Â
6LQFHZHÂ¶UHDW6DQWD&UX]ZKRLVQÂ¶W smoking Â weed? Â Last Â time Â I Â checked, Â HYHU\JX\,Â¶YHHYHULQYLWHGLQWRP\ bedroom Â would Â have Â at Â least Â smoked Â PHRXWRQFH+RZHYHULI\RXUGXGH is Â moving Â a Â little Â too Â slow Â for Â your Â SDFHFKDQFHVDUHKHPLJKWEHWRR VWRQHGDOUHDG\&KHFNWRVHHKRZ bloodshot Â his Â eyes Â are Â or Â if Â his Â eyes Â DUHHYHQRSHQHQRXJKWR$7/($67 Â¿QG\RXUFOLW,IQRWOHWKLVDVVSDVV RXWDQGIRUJHWDERXWWKDWRUJDVP $OVRLIKHÂ¶VPXWWHULQJUDQGRPVKLW KHÂ¶VWKLQNLQJDERXWOLNHZK\-HVXV has Â such Â a Â rocking Â beard Â and Â how Â babies Â are Â scary Â miniature Â humans, Â WKHDZNZDUGQHVVLVLQHYLWDEOH$YRLG LW$WWKDWSRLQWKHÂ¶VDOUHDG\LQ VSDFH/HDYHKLPWKHUH Rating: Â 8=====D Overall: Â Only Â if Â youâ€™re Â not Â too Â stoned Â and Â lazy Â to Â do Â most Â of Â the Â work. Â
,I\RXÂ¿QG\RXUVHOIVXUURXQGHG E\WUHQG\KLSVWHUVZKLOH\RX UH shitfaced Â and Â horny, Â try Â out Â the Â cutie Â LQVNLQQ\MHDQVZLWKWKDWKXJHEXOJH ZKR VH\HVORRNOLNHEXWWRQV7KHUHÂ¶V nothing Â like Â a Â little Â nose Â candy Â to Â get Â KLVEORRGSXPSLQJDQGKLVDQLPDO LQVWLQFWVUXQQLQJZLOG+HÂ¶OOSURE-Â DEO\VWDUWRIIE\DJJUHVVLYHO\ULSSLQJ to Â shreds Â whatever Â your Â wearing Â EXWKH\7KDWÂ¶VDOOSDUWRIWKHIXQ 1HYHUPLQGWKHURXJKPDQKDQGOLQJ FUHHS\KHDY\EUHDWKLQJDQGWKDW FUD]HGORRNLQKLVH\HV\RXÂ¶UHGUXQN DQ\ZD\%HZDUHWKRXJKKHKDVWKH SRWHQWLDOWRSORZ\RXOLNHDMDFNUDE-Â ELWLI\RXÂ¶UHQRWFDUHIXO2QFH\RX IHHOKLPSLFNLQJXSWKHSDFHLQWRWKH machine-Âgun-Âthrusts Â territory, Â buck Â him Â off Â the Â bed Â and Â then Â demand Â for Â KLPWRSD\EHWWHUDWWHQWLRQ'RQ WIRU-Â JHWWRFKHFNWRVHHMXVWKRZIDVWKLV SXOVHLVJRLQJWRR:RXOGQÂ¶WZDQW him Â to Â go Â into Â cardiac Â arrest Â when Â all Â \RXÂ¶UHWU\LQJWRGRLVJHW\RXUV Rating: Â 8=D Overall: Â It Â might Â cost Â you Â a Â couple Â of Â ripped Â condoms Â at Â the Â rate Â heâ€™ll Â be Â going, Â but Â not Â bad Â to Â say Â the Â least. Â At Â least Â heâ€™ll Â be Â awake Â and Â coherent. Â Thatâ€™s Â a Â privilege. Â
%\IDUDJX\RQ;LV\RXUGUHDP PDQLQWKHVDFN+LVSK\VLFDOVHQVHV ZLOOEHDWWKHKLJKHVWSHDNSRVVLEOH PDNLQJKLPZDQWWRH[SORUHHYHU\ inch Â of Â your Â body Â as Â well Â as Â have Â \RXH[SORUHKLV'HSHQGLQJRQKRZ ORQJKHÂ¶VEHHQUROOLQJKHÂ¶OOSUREDEO\ ZDQWWRERQHDOOQLJKW$QGQRWMXVW ERQH$VORQJDV\RXHQFRXUDJHD OLWWOHIRUHSOD\KHÂ¶OOEHGRZQEHWZHHQ your Â thighs Â for Â hours Â before Â he Â even Â QRWLFHV:KHQKHÂ¶VUHDG\VODSRQ WKDWUXEEHUDQGJRDWLW+HÂ¶OOEHDEOH WRSHQHWUDWH\RXLQVLGHRXWXSVLGH down, Â and Â however Â else Â you Â want Â LW\RXGLUW\JLUO,WÂ¶VH[DFWO\ZKDW WKHGRFWRURUGHUHG&RQVLGHU\RXU YDJLQDZDUQHGWKRXJKWKHQH[WGD\ ZLOOEHDGD\IRUWKHLFHSDFNXS\RXU VNLUW$FRQVLGHUDEOHDPRXQWRIHI-Â IRUWZLOOEHSXWLQWRWKLVVH[VHVVLRQ E\KLPEXWLISRVVLEOHLJQRUHKLV H[DFHUEDWHGFODLPVRQKRZPXFKKH ORYHV\RXDQGKRZVSHFLDO\RXDUH 7KDWÂ¶VMXVWWKHGUXJWDONLQJ Rating:
Overall: Â Better Â hope Â the Â next Â day Â is Â saved Â for Â the Â recovery Â of Â your Â Â serotonin Â levels Â and Â your Â vagina. Â
<RXNQRZWKDWKRWJX\DWWKHSDUW\ ZKRZRQ WVKXWWKHIXFNXSDERXW KRZJUHDWKHLVDWEHHUSRQJZKLOH KHVKRRWVHQGOHVVSLQJSRQJEDOOV LQWRUHGSODVWLFFXSVIRUSUDFWLFH" <RXNQRZZKR, PWDONLQJDERXWWKH RQHDWWKHIUDWSDUWLHV<HDKKH VQRW WKHVH[LHVWVPDUWHVWRUHYHQWKH most Â remotely Â interesting Â guy, Â but Â KHVXUHLVWKHPHDW\RX UHFUDYLQJ IRUWKHQLJKW7DNHWKDWWKVKRWRI SODVWLFERWWOHYRGNDDQGJHW\RXUÃ€LUW RQ:KHQKHQRWLFHV\RXULQWHUHVW KLVQH[WPRYHZLOOLQHYLWDEO\EH offering Â you Â a Â drink Â with Â what Â he Â FDOOVÂ³VSHFLDOVHOW]HUÂ´'LVWUDFWKLP by Â making Â fun Â of Â nerds Â and Â throwing Â DSLQJSRQJEDOODWDQHDUE\YLFWLP :KHQKHWXUQVWRZDWFKDQGODXJK VZLWFKWKHGULQNV7RVDWLVI\\RXU LQQHUQHFURSKLOLDJXLGHKLPLQWRDQ HPSW\URRPEHIRUHKHEODFNVRXWDQG KDYH\RXUZD\ZLWKKLP,IKLVGLFN FDQ WVWD\XSIRUWRRORQJKDYHVRPH WRLOHWSDSHUFDUGERDUGUROOVKDQG\ +RZHYHUSDSHUWRZHOUROOVDUHLGHDO Rating: Â 8===========D Overall: Â This Â is Â the Â ultimate Â "fuck Â you" Â on Â him Â for Â trying Â to Â pull Â a Â fast Â one Â on Â ya. Â You Â can Â unleash Â your Â raunchiest, Â dirtiest, Â most Â fucked Â up Â fantasy Â on Â a Â revenge Â fuck. Â
'XULQJPLGWHUPVDQGÂ¿QDOVD QLFHIXFNIHVWLVWKHSHUIHFWZD\WR VKDNHRIIVWUHVV<RX OOÂ¿QG\RXU SUH\DW0F+HQU\OLEUDU\EUHDWK-Â LQJVXVSLFLRXVO\ORXGDQGWDSSLQJ KLVIRRWXQFRQWUROODEO\7HPSWKLP with Â cleavage Â and Â tell Â him Â to Â meet Â you Â in Â a Â viewing Â room Â downstairs Â LQWKH0HGLD&HQWHU'RQ WOHWKLP FRQFHQWUDWHWRRORQJLQRQHSODFHXQ-Â less Â he Â wants Â to Â concentrate Â on Â your Â FOLWRULVRU\RXUJVSRW,IKHJHWV ORFNHGLQRQRQHVSRWNHHSDVSUD\ bottle Â of Â water Â handy Â to Â give Â him Â a Â OLWWOHZDNHXSZKHQKH VQRWGRLQJ ZKDW\RXZDQW+HSUREDEO\ZRQ W get Â that Â creative Â when Â it Â comes Â to Â SRVLWLRQLQJRUSDFHEXWDOO\RXQHHG LVDTXLFNIXFNDQ\ZD\,I\RXKDYH HQRXJKSDWLHQFHOHWKLPWDNHQRWHV RQKRZKHFDQJHWEHWWHUDWIXFNLQJ 7KH\ OOFRPHLQKDQG\IRUKLPODWHU ,IVWHDG\LV\RXUVW\OHWKHQ$GGHUDOO LV\RXUEHVWSOD\PDWH Rating: Â 8================D Overall: Â Tedious Â but Â nice, Â and Â by Â nice Â I Â mean Â predictable Â and Â boring. Â If Â you're Â lucky, Â the Â sex Â could Â be Â simi-Â lar Â to Â a Â guy Â on Â cocaine Â in Â terms Â of Â the Â jack Â hammering Â but Â less Â exciting Â since Â he'll Â be Â staring Â at Â that Â same Â spot Â above Â your Â head Â the Â entire Â time. Â
The Fish Rap Live! April 20, 2011
DR. HARRY BUDS’ MEDICAL CLINIC 1HHGWRJHW\RXUÀ[":DQWWRJHWVRPHRIWKDWJRRGVWXII"+DYLQJWURXEOHJRLQJRQZLWKRXWLW"
Cancer? Glaucoma? Trouble Sleeping? Social Anxiety? Low Blood Pressure? Temperament Issues? A Totally Bummer Mood? Good Lungs? Whatever Made Gary Coleman Short?
Cottonmouth? Bloodshot Eyes? Increased Tolerance for Hot Pockets? Social Anxiety? Uncontrollable Laughing? Pot Belly? A Finer Appreciation of King Crimson? Lowered Expectations? A Good Time?
THEN FISH RAP LIVE! MAY BE RIGHT FOR YOU “I’ve been prescribing Fish Rap Live! to my patients, family, and friends for years! They all seem to be doing ok, except Uncle Rick.” --Dr. Harry Buds A Doctor
Let Dr. Harry Buds assess you for primo doses of cheap dank comedy. Disclaimer: Although decriminalized in California, Fish Rap Live is still illegal. FRL! is only to be utilized within the state and may not be transported on airplanes per Federal Aviation Administration Code 8008135 To get your prescription for Fish Rap Live!, come to the ARCenter at 8pm, every Tuesday night.
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