Pembroke Falls Insider - March/April 2020

Pembroke Falls

1

MAGAZINE March/April 2020

Resident Spotlight Page 12

Miami Open Tennis Page 16

“Smart” Tech Stuff Page 24

OFFICIAL PUBLICATION OF THE PEMBROKE FALLS HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION Bimini Bay • Bonita Bay • Cascades • Clubside • Coral Bay • Crystal Harbour • Edgewater • Harbor Island • Heritage • Heron Cay Island Shores • Laguna Pointe • Majestic Bay • Palm Cove • Pelican Trace • Serenity Bay • The Sanctuary • Tropic Isles

www.pembrokefalls.org

WHAT’S INSIDE

Handyairbag Cell Phone Case See Page 26

Information Page .....................................4 Calendar and Events ...............................6 Social Clubs ............................................8 Board Bites .............................................18 Resident Photos .....................................20 Dave’s Year in Review ...........................26 To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

PRSTD STD US POSTAGE PAID MIAMI, FL PERMIT NO. 2075

4

INFORMATION PAGE Master Board of Directors | 2019 President: J.R. Robbins Vice President: Roy McDonald Treasurer: Mike Tadros Secretary: Cecilia Deidan Director: Parvaneh Safari Director: Gadi Hus Director: Alina Iglesias Director: Hugh Chen Director: Ed Hyatt Director: Sylvia Fishman Director: Miguel Fernandez

Association Staff General Manager: Deborah Lisiewski Property Manager: Jessica Isaacs Project Manager: Luis Arevalo Accounting Coordinator: Christopher Oporta Covenants Coordinator: Reginald Richardson Lifestyle Director: Vivian Williams Front Desk Coordinators: Rosetta Kemp Club Attendants: Michael Hernandez, Marwa Sabry, Zack Visnjic, Jordan Sebag Maintenance: Giancarlo Galdolfi, Vincente Mueses, Fanel Meran Housekeeping: Lilian Castillo, Paul Small

Phase 5 Board of Directors

Phase 1 Board of Directors

(Majestic Bay, Cascade Executive, Cascade Classics)

President: Herbert Vargas Vice President: Treasurer: Lizbeth Abraham Secretary: Mary Dobrinsky Director: Pablo Mila Phase 2 Board of Directors

President: Terri Sciarretti Vice President: Roy McDonald Director: Marilyn Ramdeen Phase 4 Board of Directors

President: J.R. Robbins Vice President: Bruce Hoekenga Treasurer: Fuat Ornarli Secretary: Hugh Chen Director: Miguel Montero

Phase 4A Board of Directors

(Edgewater, Serenity Bay, Palm Cove)

President: Sylvia Fishman Vice President: Mallikarjuna Chitti Treasurer: Jacob Glaser Director: Scott Rosso

Bulk Pick-Up Schedule

Collection is on the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month.

2019 Household Hazardous Waste Disposal Schedule Hours of Operation: 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM

Pines residency.

Waste Pro Facility- 17302 Pines Boulevard Howard Forman Health Park- 1001 Poinciana Drive Pembroke Pines Public Services Compound- 13975 Pembroke Road Please contact WastePro for more information about the 2019 schedule.

For additional information, visit http://www.wasteprousa.com/locations/FL/pembrokepines/

President: Miguel Fernandez Secretary: Yoram Gozlan Director: Eileen Tyson

(Harbor Island, Pelican Trace)

President: Cecilia Deidan Secretary: Gadi Hus Treasurer: Kathy Carl

Garbage collection is on Tuesdays/Fridays. Recycling is on Fridays.

(Sanctuary)

Phase 6 Board of Directors

(Crystal Harbour)

Residential Collection

President: Scott Patterson Vice President: Robert Wilson Secretary: Savy Mathew Director: Dan Kooperman Director: Jayson Maury Phase 5A Board of Directors

(Clubside, Laguna Point, Heritage)

City of Pembroke Pines Waste Disposal

(Coral Bay, Heron Cay, Island Shores, Bonita Bay]

Phase 7 Board of Directors (Tropic Isle, Bimini Bay)

President: Ed Hyatt Vice President: Treasurer: Secretary: Keith Allison Director: Arthur Vannucchi

Important Information and Telephone Numbers Pool Hours: Sunrise to Sunset Gym Hours: 6:00 AM to 10:00PM

Garbage Service / Waste PRO FPL Beautiful Mailbox ADT Cable (Hotwire) Pembroke Pines Water Pembroke Pines Police Gas (TECO)

Clubhouse

Sheridan Gate (Main Gate) Voicemail

800-222-1811 954-583-1830 954-797-5000 954-792-6245 800-878-7806 800-355-5668 954-437-1111 954-431-2200 877-832-6747

954-430-8700 954-436-2221 954-430-7018

5

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

6

26

27

28

29

30

31

MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

March 2020 Sunday

Monday

1

5

Tuesday

2 Phase 5A Board Meeting 7:00pm Falls Room 6

8

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

3

4

5

7

Seminar Medical Planning 7:00pm Falls Room8

Phase 6 Board Meeting 7:00pm Falls Room9

9

10

11

12

13

ARB Meeting 6:30pm Aerobics Room 14

12

15

16

15

16

17

18

Saturday

6

Bulk Pick Up Day 10 Food & Game Truck Night 6pm-9pm Parking Lot Pembroke Falls

7 Shred-A-Thon 9am-12pm Parking Lot Pembroke Falls

11

13

14

17

18

19

20

21

21

Violations Board 6:30pm Board Room 22

Phase 2 Annual Meeting 7:00pm Board Room 23

Bulk Pick Up Day 24

25 28

19

20

22

23

24

25

26

27

26

27

MASTER Board Meeting 7:00pm TBD 28

29

30

31

29

30

31

April 2020 Sunday

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

1

Friday

2

Saturday

3

Bulk Pick Up Day

5

6

4 Egg Hunt 10:00am Tranquility Park

7

8

9

10

11

14

15

16

17

18

Phase 5 Annual Meeting 7:00pm Board Room

12

13

Phase 4A Board Meeting 7:00pm Board Room

19

20

21 Phase 7 Board Meeting 7:00pm Board Room

26

27

28

Bulk Pick Up Day

22 Violation Board 6:30pm Board Room

29

23

24

25

Seminar At the Falls Room 7:00pm

30

MASTER Board Meeting 7:00pm Falls Room

Meetings and Events subject to change. Students in need of service hours can receive them by volunteering at community events.

Please contact the Clubhouse for additional Information.

7

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

8

INVESTMENT CLUB III

2nd Monday from 7:15pm-8:15pm.

Larry Turner: (954) 602-1315

YOUTH OF PEMBROKE FALLS

Mondays 9:00am Zumba with Damaris 6:00pm Karate with Sensei Tony 7:30pm Zumba with Toni Costa

CHINESE CULTURAL SOCIETY

Tuesdays 5:30pm Tae Kwon Do with Grand Master Lee

Teen Residents Providing Peer Tutoring and Service Programs to the Community 1st and 3rd Wednesdays from 3:00pm-5:00pm Alina Le: msalinale@gmail.com

Sundays from 9:15am-12:15pm

CULTURAL COUNCIL

Creating a One-World Community Mallik Chitti: (405) 535-8935 Email: chitti4e@gmail.com

POKER CLUB

Contact for Meeting Information Email: tbs0981@gmail.com

ROOTS & SHOOTS

Youth service program with a mission is to foster respect and compassion for all living things, to promote understanding of all cultures and beliefs, and to inspire each individual to take action to make the world a better place for people, other animals, and the environment.

Contact for Meeting Information Claudia Tamayo: (305) 336-8064

Wednesdays 7:00am Power Yoga with Patricia 9:00am Zumba with Damaris 6:00pm Karate with Sensei Tony 7:30pm Zumba with Millie Thursdays 5:30pm Tae Kwon Do with Grand Master Lee Fridays 9:00am Zumba with Damaris Saturdays 11:00am Tae Kwon Do with Grand Master Lee

CLASSIFIEDS TENNIS SOCIAL CLUB

Adriana Dominguez

The club needs people to volunteer to help put on fun social activities, tournaments and trips to the Miami Open.

If you are interested in promoting any particular age group, playing level, or type of play (Singles, Doubles, Mixed Doubles) or event, please consider taking an active role by contacting Willy Cartagena and let him know what you are interested in. email: d4se@hotmail.com phones: 954-432-0911 / Cell 954-802-3524

What to Do if You Find a Lost Dog

Get the word out immediately by using the social media with a picture of the dog and your phone number.

Check with the clubhouse to see if anyone has called with information. If your dog is lost in the Pembroke Falls area please check with Pooches at 954-431-2200, Website [https://www.poochesinpines.com%20%20-]https://www.poochesinpines.com You can also call the clubhouse 954-430-8700.

Wherever you go, And whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you.

9

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

10

DAMAGE TO YOUR PROPERTY?

CLAIM IT!

WATER DAMAGES

ROOF LEAKS

HURRICANES

FIRE

NO RECOVERY NO FEE!

PIPE BREAKS

MOLD

BROKEN TILES

FREE ROOF INSPECTION! Let us evaluate your loss and tell you if it is worth it to make a claim or not. Don’t pay for repairs your insurance should be paying for. www.ramclaimsadjusting.com

Public Adjuster 7971 Riviera Blvd, Suite 215 Miramar, FL 33023

Follow Us! @ramclaims

Licensed and bonded

Broward: 954 260-4676 Miami: 305 542-1799

Steak with Pineapple from the Moscoso's Grandma Cookbook

How to Cook Serves 4

Ingredients

11

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

12

AROUND TOWN RESIDENT SPOTLIGHT

ES: I wanted to be physically active after having kids, (now 15 and 16), and be around for them for a long time. I started swimming (because I love the water) at the Pembroke Pines Charter High School pool, and then started competing. Some of the swimmers were triathletes.

I tried a sprint triathlon and never only swam competitively again. It was love at first tri.

PM: What is your best local Tri finish?

ES: Locally, I have won first overall female a few times, at Sprint at CB Smith Park, and the Olympic distance at Homestead Speedway. I don’t remember all of them. Not bragging, I literally don't remember.

PM: What event are you strongest in (swim, bike, run)?

ES: My best event is the bike.

PM: How many hours a week do you put in training?

ES: Depending on the distance of my main event, I can train anywhere from 15-30 hours a week.

PM: What you love most about the sport?

EVELYN SALAMA The following is an interview with Pembroke Falls resident Evelyn Salama. (ES) She is an outstanding age group competitor in Triathlons. A Triathlon is a multisport race with three continuous and sequential endurance races.

While variations of the sport exist, the most common form includes swimming, cycling, and running over various distances.

ES: I love so much about it. I have made lifelong friends through triathlon, competed internationally at the highest level, which is amazing, but ultimately I love the competition itself - the adrenaline, the strategy, the preparation, the suffering. Seeing how far you can push yourself mentally and physically to the brink of breaking and pushing through and crossing the finish line is an indescribable and addictive feeling.

She was interviewed by contributing editor, Pat Mason (PM), who is also a professional tennis instructor and resident of Pembroke Falls. Pat met her husband Jason while swimming at the clubhouse pool.

Evelyn and Jason compete in National and International events. Evelyn has competed at the World Championships in Hawaii, usually taking 12 hours to complete.

PM: What village do you reside in?

PM: Where are you from originally?

PM: How did you get into Triathlons?

ES: Bonita Bay

ES: Astoria, NY

JASON AND EVELYN SALAMA

13

Family Owned & Operated

FREE ESTIMATES & CONSULTATION

No Job Too Big Or Small

SPRINKLERS MAINTENANCE & REPAIR

Commerical & Residential Pump & Pump Station Repairs & Replacement Rust/chemical Tank Repair & Installation Irrigation Re-Route Low Voltage Trouble Shooting Line Breaks & Head Replacement Install & Adjust Rain Sensors Time Clock Troubleshooting Replacement & Zone Sequencing Lake/Canal Screen Cleaning & Repair Backflow Certification Test & Repair

59

$

Licensed & Insured CC#99-CLS-679-X-19P000076

95 WINTER Tune-Up Special

Full check of System & All Necessary Adjustments Included

Serving Broward County for

25 Years

954-253-4474 hydros.incorporated@gmail.com www.HydrosIncorporated.com To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

16

Recreation Don’t Miss The Miami Open – Our High Point of Tennis in South Florida!

The top 100 men and women Tennis Professionals in the world will be at the Hard Rock Tennis Complex March 24 thru April 5th.

There are day and night sessions, huge video screens and plenty of food to enjoy. Your best opportunity is to go the first week, also Spring Break week, and get an inexpensive ground pass which lets you get in to all the side courts.

There are so many super players it is hard to believe- and you can see it all up close; the speed and spin on the ball, the amazing foot speed around the court, the emotional intensity of each player as they fight to win and advance to the next round.

The second-best option to a grounds pass is to get seats in the Grandstand, which also gets you in to the side courts, and experience players in the top 50 fighting it out. If you want to see the games legendary icons against other top ten players, you can get a seat in the stadium. Looking down the court, behind the server, is the best view because you can see the placement of shots and match strategy. Hint--You can also go to the practice courts 90 minutes before a match to see how players warm up and their coaches prepare them for the next opponent.

Schedules and court assignments are posted online the day before so you can pick the matches you want to watch.

Pembroke Falls Court News Congratulations to our Fall Club Championships Men’s Singles Tournament winners; Shibu Joseph in the 3.5s and Roberto Garcia in the 4.0 finals over Mauricio Holguin. Winners received Gift Certificates to the Fresh Market. Keep an eye out in April for our two Spring Tennis Traditions, a Fast Four Doubles Tournament and a Family Fun Day.

17

Expires April 2020

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

18

BOARD BITES Cover photo:

Pembroke Falls resident Evelyn Salama. Please see the “Resident Spotlight” in “Around Town” Find out what is going on by attending either your Phase or Master Board meetings.

The newsmagazine editors invite feedback. Let us know what is on your mind. We encourage submissions, story suggestions, and comments from our community. We are always looking for writers, reporters, artists, and idea people interested in volunteering for this publication.

Deadline for submission is the 9th of the month.

How to submit: We can be contacted at: editor@pembrokefalls.org *Free classified ads for residents only, two line maximum, no business ads for free classifieds Pembroke Falls HOA is not responsible for advertisers or their claims. As a community Newsletter, we reserve the right to refuse any submitted article, ad, or content.

Master Board Actions Irrigation Pump Station - variable frequency drives (VFDs) Approved: All Phase Irrigation proposals to install a VFD for Edgewater, Serenity Bay and Bimini Bay pump stations in the amount of $11,236.00 each for a total total cost of $33,708.00. VFDs are electronic monitor and control systems that alter the speed of pump rotation by adjusting the frequency of the electricity delivered to the motor. VFDs deliver the following benefits: Electricity savings; Control of start up and shutdown procedures; Reduces motor burn outs; Prevents shaft breaks; Reduces wear on pumps and motors; Keeps pumps working at best efficiency; Eliminates need for pump control valves in many instances; Controls pump to deliver accurate flows or constant pressures.

Tennis, Basketball Courts & Parking Lot Lights Approved: OrLED GL proposal in the amount of $73,949.00 subject to management reviewing the references.

Summer Camp Denied: Kukuenam proposal for a Summer 2020 contract with the Association.

Pet Waste Station Opposed having pet waste stations installed in the common areas.

Pool Service Approved: D.E. Pool service contract that includes the main pool, kiddie pool, spa and waterfall services for 5 days a week in the amount of $4,950.00 a month.

Golf Cart Fence Approved: Ace Fence proposal for the aluminum fence in the amount of $1,700.00.

Ratifed Items 1. Driveway Maintenance in the amount of $5,167.00.

2. Landscape Service Clubside irrigation repair with the removal and replacement of 2 trees in the amount of $5,120.00.

3. Landscape Service Edgewater irrigation repair with the removal and replacement of 1 tree in the amount of $2,900.00. Another Edgewater irrigation repair with the removal of 1 tree and replacement of 2 trees in the amount of $2,430.00.

4. Landscape Service Laguna Point irrigation repair with the removal and replacement of 1 tree in the amount of $2,300.

5. Landscape Service Heritage irrigation repair with the removal and replace of 1 tree in the amount of $2,300.00.

6. Landscape Service Majestic Bay irrigation repair with the removal of 1 tree and replacement of 2 trees in the amount of $2,680.00.

7. Landscape Service Clubhouse French drain installation in the amount of $9,956.00.

8. Landscape Service Clubhouse playground additional sod and re-grading in the amount of $5,760.00 and remaining playground sod for Majestic Bay, Cascade Executive, Pelican Trace and Edgewater in the amount of $19,351.50.

9. Landscape Service removal and replacement of 8 palm trees in the common areas in the amount of $26,925.00.

10. All Phase irrigation replacement of two 15 horsepower motors in Heron Cay in the amount of $3,836.21.

11. All Phase irrigation replacement of one 15 horsepower motor in Bonita Bay in the amount of $1,936.14.

12. ADC Interior Design proposal to include the following modification: Extend the existing lobby tile throughout the lobby restrooms, new sinks in the lobby restrooms, wallpaper color change, furniture color change, front desk granite and wood color change and the size of the tile increase from 24x24 to 30x30. These changes increase the cost by $66,542.50 which brings the new total cost to $328.500.00.

19

Mildred Giordani-Plummer … Where Honesty & Integrity Matter Your Residential Realtor For Over 17 Years

MILDRED GIORDANI-PLUMMER

Sold In 8 Days!

Concerned about the market shift? Let’s talk about it!

I am happy to provide a free consultation to determine what your home is worth.

Call me today.

954-325-6318

17+ Year Resident Realtor of Pembroke Falls I also welcome assisting your friends, family, neighbors and colleagues alike with care and professionalism.

Je parle français et creole

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

20

Portraits of Pembroke Falls Bingo Night

Ice Cream Social

Mardi Gras

21

L I V E YOU R A D V E N T U R E i n a g a l a x y f a r , f a r a w a y.

Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Railway Opens March 4, 2020

Stay in the Middle of the Magic!

From classic enchantment to amazing new adventures, there’s more to explore than ever before at The Most Magical Place on Earth – Walt Disney World Resort.

SAVE UP TO 25%

On rooms at select Walt Disney World Resort hotels.

For stays most nights 4/1–7/9/20 when you book through 7/9/20.

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS

©Disney © & TM Lucasfilm Ltd. 1086985

The number of rooms allocated for this offer is limited. Length-of-stay requirements may apply. Savings based on the non-discounted price for the same room. Additional per-adult charges may apply if more than two adults per room at Disney Value, Moderate, Deluxe and Studios at Deluxe Villa Resorts. Cannot be combined with any other discount or promotion. Advance reservations required. Offer excludes the following room types: campsites, 3-bedroom Grand Villas, Cabins at Copper Creek Villas & Cabins at Disney’s Wilderness Lodge and Bungalows at Disney’s Polynesian Villas & Bungalows. Displayed room savings are for select Disney Deluxe and Deluxe Villa Resorts; lower savings may be available at other select Resorts. ©Disney 1338661

TO BOOK YOUR MAGICAL VACATION, CONTACT US TODAY!

To book your magical Walt Disney World vacation, contact us today!

To book your magical Walt Disney World vacation, contact us today!

Magical Vacation Planner Ashley McDonald (954) 901-1582

Ashley.McDonald@MagicalVacationPlanner.com

Due to incredibly LOW INTEREST RATES, Buyers are Buying!

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

22

THIS & THAT Ask the HOA Expert

Q

Should co-owners be

allowed to participate in board discussion as if they were a board member? Should a board meeting be conducted like a town hall meeting where everyone can speak? It is my contention that a board meeting is for the board to conduct its business without coowner input.

A

Your interpretation is

correct. Board meetings are designed for the directors to discuss and make decisions about HOA business. There are occasions when co-owner input is appropriate, but not as a general rule. A member forum should be held prior to the start of the board meeting to allow input and questions. But once the board meeting is called to order, guests are there to listen, not participate.

Q

Could you please clarify

the definition of an open meeting?

Our board appointed a committee comprised of both board members and non-board member owners.

When there is a committee meeting, should it be open to the members?

A

Board meetings are held to

approve HOA business. Those meetings should definitely be open to the general members.

Committee meetings do not need to be open to the members unless the board authorized the committee to make decisions on behalf of the board. However, committees are generally advisory only. That means they make recommendations to the board and it is up to the board to make decisions based on those recommendations. So, if the committee is truly only there to gather information and make recommendations, the committee meetings can be closed. However, there is a caveat: If the committee is largely made up of board members, it essentially is a board meeting or would be perceived to be one. To avoid that perception, the committee should be populated mostly with non-board members.

Q

If the HOA board decides

not to enforce a specific rule; can it still enforce other rules?

A

The board should enforce

all rules consistently. If there is a rule that has outlived its usefulness, it should be repealed.

But not enforcing one rule does not negate all rules. However, if the board fails to enforce a particular

rule for an extended period of time, the board may compromise its authority to enforce it all.

Another common HOA issue is that different boards enforce rules more or less consistently. If a particular board feels strongly that renewing enforcement of a particular rule that has long gone unenforced is a good thing, the matter should be discussed in the homeowner meeting or, at minimum, in a newsletter that clearly informs all members of the issue and the board's intention to enforce it. Catching members by surprise is bad policy.

The Fight to Stop Rx Greed

Skyrocketing prescription drug prices have been a major, ongoing concern for many Americans, particularly older Americans. A new AARP survey confirms this: 72 percent of adults age 50 and older said they are worried about being able to afford their medications. Seniors are especially vulnerable to rising drug prices because they take an average of 4.5 prescription drugs each month.

In 2015 alone, Medicare beneficiaries spent nearly $27 billion in out-of-pocket costs for their prescription drugs.

To lead the fight to lower drug prices, AARP launched a “Stop Rx Greed� campaign, urging Congress, the President, and state lawmakers to take legislative and regulatory actions to cut drug prices. Specifically, they urge Congress to pass legislation that would: Allow Medicare to use its buying power to negotiate for lower prescription prices; Cap seniors’ out-of-pocket costs; Improve access to lower-cost generic drugs.

23

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

24

TECH STUFF Kwikset Halo Touch: A smart lock with a fingerprint reader Kwikset Using a fingerprint to unlock your front door isn’t something you can’t do today.

However, the systems available are pretty expensive and would likely require you to hire someone to install it all.

The Kwikset Halo Touch smart lock solves both of those problems. Coming in at a very reasonable price of $249, the Halo Touch isn’t much more expensive than your average smart lock. And, in the usual Kwikset fashion, the lock is DIY-friendly, so much so that pretty much anyone can install it themselves. The lock can hold up to 100 fingerprints, or 50 users max (two fingerprints for each user). To appease any privacy concerns you might have, all the fingerprints are encrypted and saved to the lock itself, never to the cloud. You also have access to the usual smart lock functions you would expect, such as remote unlocking, monitoring lock/unlocked status, and seeing who opened the door and when. Finally, the Kwikset Halo Touch integrates with Google Assistant and Amazon Alexa.

Yale Smart Cabinet Lock: Simple and useful Yale

The Yale Smart Cabinet Lock is such a simple thing that you wonder why it isn’t already everywhere.

This small and easy-to-install product turns any existing cabinet, drawer, or other household storage system into smart storage.

All you need to do is install the Smart Cabinet Lock into the storage item you own and then sync it with a Wi-Fi bridge (sold separately or as part of a bundle). Then, just like a smart lock for a front door, you can remotely lock or unlock the cabinet, see who opened the cabinet and when, etc.

Protect your valuables in cabinets you already own with this small and easy-to-install smart device.

This is a great tool for people who rent out their homes as Airbnb properties or those who have small children. Pretty much anything in your house that you don’t want people snooping through would benefit greatly from the Yale Smart Cabinet Lock.

The Smart Cabinet Lock will launch in the Spring and cost $79 on its own or $129 bundled with the Wi-Fi bridge.

Ring smart LED bulbs: More than just another smart bulb Is there a more basic smart home accessory than a smart bulb? Probably not, so on the surface, Ring introducing its very first smart bulb seems like pretty uninteresting news. However, there is one feature that sets Ring’s smart bulbs apart from others, which is seamless integration with the various Ring security products. For example, you can connect your bulbs to your Ring system and then program the lights to come on when one of your Ring cameras detects motion. This is a pretty cool feature as a would-be thief might run off if the lights suddenly turn on in your home, regardless if you are actually there or not.

25

It takes a local business owner to protect one.

As a small business owner in our community, I understand what it takes to protect your small business. Let me help you get insurance for your business at a great value. Stop in or give me a call.

Louise Bernstein Ins Agcy Inc Louise Bernstein, Agent 17107 Pines Boulevard, Sedano’s Center www.louisebernstein.com Bus: 954-435-7776 Fax: 954-435-4638

1706446

State Farm Fire and Casualty Company, State Farm General Insurance Company, Bloomington, IL State Farm Florida Insurance Company, Winter Haven, Florida State Farm Lloyds, Richardson, TX

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

26

BITS AND PIECES The higher education community is rocked by scandal when federal prosecutors charge 50 people, including test administrators, wealthy parents and college coaches, in connection with a widespread bribery and fraud scheme to get students admitted to some of the nation’s most prestigious universities. In one particularly egregious case, Yale admitted Trevor Buncombe-Plotzner IV, who supposedly was recruited to play varsity badminton, despite the facts that (A) Yale does not have a varsity badminton team and (B) Trevor is a cat.

In an official statement, the Association of College Admissions Officers says: “Bribing coaches to get unqualified applicants admitted is completely unacceptable. The correct way is to give a large sum of money directly to the college.”

Dave Barry David McAlister Barry is an American author and columnist who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comic novels.

We recently read Dave’s “Year in Review” and decided to include some excerpts. These will pertain to March and April of 2019. Hope you enjoy them.

MARCH … Robert Mueller finally delivers his report to Attorney General William Barr, who promises to release it to the public “as soon as we have blacked out the sex parts.” The cable news networks prepare for the release by bringing in panels of distinguished legal authorities to declare that the report means exactly the opposite of whatever the distinguished legal panels on the enemy networks are declaring it means.

In other political developments, President Trump, faced with mounting hostility from congressional Democrats, spends several days vigorously attacking ... John McCain.

For the record, McCain (A) was a Republican and (B) died in 2018. Nobody can say for certain whether the president (A) is playing some kind of four-dimensional political chess or (B) has the reasoning skills of a Chihuahua on meth.

The Iowa state legislature considers a bill that would fund construction of a border wall around the state to stop the influx of Democratic presidential hopefuls, now estimated at several dozen a day. “It’s a humanitarian crisis,” says one legislator, his voice rising in alarm.

“They’re swarming all over the state, barging into pancake breakfasts. Many of them die within days from pancake bloat, but THEY JUST KEEP COMING.”

APRIL … Attorney General Barr finally releases the Mueller report, which accomplishes two things:

⋅ It finally settles, to everyone’s satisfaction, all of the controversies surrounding the 2016 presidential election. ⋅ It proves that oysters speak German and can play the trombone.

Just kidding! In fact the Mueller report does neither of these things, although it comes closer to the second accomplishment than the first. The pro-Trump people say the report proves there was no collusion; the anti-Trump people say it proves Trump obstructed justice, which means that it is, at last, IMPEACHMENT TIME, BABY. Both sides emit thousands of impassioned tweets, which go unread by the American public, which long ago moved on to “Game of Thrones.”

In other political news, Joe Biden launches his estimated 17th presidential campaign, with the slogan: “Let Uncle Joe Give You a Great Big Hug.” Biden immediately becomes the leader of the crowded Democratic field based on the fact that his name sounds vaguely familiar.

As millions of people around the world watch in shock and disbelief, the iconic Notre Dame cathedral in Paris is ravaged by flames after being struck, in what appears to be a deliberate act of provocation, by a North Korean missile.

In science news, some astronomers at a party, after several rounds of tequila shots, take a blurry snapshot of a flaming gas-stove burner and release it to the news media, claiming that it’s the first-ever photograph of a black hole.

The photo instantly becomes worldwide news, much to the delight of the astro-pranksters, who begin work on a plan to pass off a dental X-ray as the Loch Ness Monster.

27

1 Lic# 00731364-6

$

Call:

AT NO COST TO YOU! WE BILL YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY. 40

To Advertise, Call (954) 922-7404

REVIEWS

Saturday & Evening Appointments Available

5 STARS

Braces, Implants & Family Dentistry

Happy Easter NOW T O DE D N A EXP S TON! WE 88

-028 7 1 -2 9 54

FREE WHITENINGW/ $

95

$600 VALUE

• Exam D0150 • Cleaning D1110 • X-rays D0210

Not combined with any other offer/insurance.

Coupon must be presented at initial consult.

Dr Samuel, Orthodontist

1000

500

$

$

OFF

OFF

DENTAL IMPLANT & CROWN WITH BOARD CERTIFIED SPECIALIST Not combined with any other offer/insurance.

Coupon must be presented at initial consult.

Not combined with any other offer/insurance.

Coupon must be presented at initial consult.

HOURS: Mon-Sat 8am-8pm ADULTS

KIDS

954-437-7077 12251 Taft Street Ste 301 Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

Kendall | Aventura | Coral Springs/Parkland

www.GentleTeeth.com “THE PATIENT AND ANY OTHER PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYMENT HAS A RIGHT TO REFUSE TO PAY, CANCEL PAYMENT, OR BE REIMBURSED FOR PAYMENT FOR ANY OTHER SERVICE, EXAMINATION OR TREATMENT THAT IS PERFOREMD AS A RESULT OF AND WITHIN 72 HOURS OF RESPONDING TO THE ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE FREE, DISCOUNTED, OR REDUCED FEE SERVICE, EXAMINATION OR TREATMENT”