Note To My Future Self
Michelle Liang ’22
I had finished most of this note, but I read it over and thought it was missing something. I wanted to add a sentence to let the reader feel what I felt until I realized I didn’t have the word to describe it. I scoured the internet, not even knowing what word I was looking for. What I felt consumed my brain, but I couldn’t find the right thing to type into the search box. The feeling was just there. Trapped inside my head. I never talked about this to anyone. Until it all flowed out. It’s a feeling whose definition has multiple clauses that cannot function or mean the right thing when taken apart. I fell deep into a shell that I had no idea I had. It’s hard to describe an indescribable feeling. Trapped inside my head, the feeling consumes me entirely. I hear people telling me to tell someone about it, that it will help me let it go. But all I can do is sit down, staring at a blank wall, filing through every word, every thought, trying to find the one that conveys the feeling wholly. I can’t find the words to fully encompass the sentiment that echoes through my body. For two years, Audrey, my best friend, had been through everything with me–or should I say, I had been through everything with her. She terrified me, even though I didn’t know it yet. Why are you being passive-aggressive… like what the f*** ok then. Whatever. I don’t understand you. I’m trying to be nice and ur friend here but ig u don’t want that. It seems like you can’t stand to see me be happy or be having a good time and that’s really sad.
hey sorry, I am in Guangzhou right now and I was on the flight this morning :)
...then why did Instagram say you were active
I don’t know.. I’m sorry.
I accepted everything she threw at me. I couldn’t see the future; all I saw was a best friend. A best friend with mental health issues whom I would help make happier, which would, in return, make me feel like a better person. You’re gonna b so mad at me… No like it’s so bad and you’ll NEVER forgive me.
No... it’s much worse…
ahahahah omg no just tell me what happened!!
what?? no way! If u didn’t stop eric from stealing beer from the supermarket, i told u i’m fine with that, he’s my boyfriend, not my dog :)
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